#even though i have no proof
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sometimes its hard to ask for advice about mental illness cause youll ask somethin like "how do i get out of the hell dimension" & the person youre talking to will be like "how did you even get to the fucking hell dimension" & youll have to respond like "man i dont know my brain just puts me in the hell dimension & then convinces me im actually better off burning in a pit of lava. it just does that sometimes i didnt think it was that bad" & then youll just realize youre actually so much more fucked mentally than you thought & they probably feel bad for your sad lil pathetic ass now
#its also hard to get advice for it when theres really no logic to it#im just sitting here convincing myself shit like ''i gotta die cause im always doing something wrong''#even though i have no proof#im just believng it out of fear because i know that someone somewhere would dislike at least a thing or 2 about me#so i just add that all up in my head & feel as if all of the reasons anyone could hate me were objective fact and i gotta change them#and its hard to use logic against a fear reaction like that#sure i know logically a lot of people care about me & i shouldnt listen to the people that dont hypothetical or not#and yeah i guess i know i should also deserve as much benefit of the doubt & kindness of anyone else if i do mess up#but its hard to actually let myself listen to that#when my brain is constantly making me feel like theres 10 people who hate me judging my every move at any given moment#i dunno. sorry i keep making annoying posts like this my shits just been fucked lately#awoo
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hii everyone 🥀🪽 i wanted to share that i will be traveling to cairo at the end of november and will be meeting with displaced Palestinian families. til then, i will be fundraising for these families in hopes of providing funds for them to pay for their rent, clothing, food, medical expenses, and any other needs.
to meet my goal, i am also planning on having a couple raffles throughout the next two months so stay tuned <3
update 9/14: enter my first raffle! [closed, prize claimed]
update 10/6: enter my second raffle [closed, prize claimed]
update 10/26: enter my last raffle [closed, prize claimed]
but for now, please reblog/share and donate to my campaign
#free palestine#will be traveling with Palestinian Egyptian and Sudanese artists / practitioners and can show proof of donation when the time comes!!#also will be updating my depop with new items and that money will be going to this too#if anyone has any questions pls reach out to me! i won't be publicly sharing exact details on my trip/group for safety reasons#kinda nervous to make this post bc of how little engagement any palestine posts that i reblog even though i have a large following#would be the world if yall can reblog/donate <3#*would mean the world
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Turns out Wonder Woman's 1930s design is somehow closer to how the ancient Greeks depicted Amazons then most "greek-inspired" WW redesigns from the 21st c. This was inspired my me going "Hold up... why is Diana always depicted as an ancient Greek when the Amazons were specifically... NOT the ancient Greeks.
#wonder woman#diana prince#diana of themyscira#wonder woman fanart#dc comics#dc fanart#dc#Her breastplate here is painted bronze. do I have any proof of painted bronze armuor... no.#BUT there are a few painted bronze statuettes#i gave her sandles even though the amazon art is predominantly barefoot. but alas#WAS considering giving her pythian style stocking becuase i think the amazons-as-pythians is fun but I did want to her still be recognizabl#as wonder woman#her headband is based on another amazon on this same vase#BUT yeah basically: Patterned Cloth! It existed!!
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Alternate timeline where she didn't meet Steven. I may be exaggerating lmao
Yapping under the cut because I'm waiting on a line rn
Okey, so. Entertaining the thought: An introverted feral kid and a girl who gets a sort of high off adrenaline; but was taught to be polite and proper. You know, all that perfect girl stuff. We would also consider how her empathy level is questionable, based on how she just casually suggested cutting off his arm when it got stuck. (Still not sure if immediately being excited seeing swords is just amazement or 'OOH How convenient!') So perhaps she would learn to understand empathy in a practical (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for) way rather than in an emotional way.
Thankfully she was coaxed out of her shell and she had outlet early on. Also, to have genuinely learned friendship power! 😊
But what if she never got that outlet. 🤔 I mean, she could have gotten out of her shell in a different way. But, like. Imagine if she had to bottle it up all these years. It could go south or she'll be able to manage it because it ain't as bad. Just fun to think about the former.
She would be like: This thing I'm reading is SO morbidly interesting! I wonder what it feels like in a personal level though? Could I do it? Could I do it better now that I have the knowledge of foresight? But what if I still mess up? I can't have a negative record! And the curiosity and the adrenaline just mixes up together. Lol
Haha I'm not really seriously headcanoning that is exactly what's gonna happen. I mean at least not to an intense extent. It's so fun to think about.
#It isn't even as effective as what people made it out to be so she was going to dispose of it anyway. 😒#This poor girl is freezing up cause she got caught#Maybe if she pleads enough they won't tell anyone. They CAN'T tell anyone right?#So I guess she needs to amp up being socially nice to make them dismiss any negative correlation towards her from this. ┐(´ー`)┌#I think her parents are the ones talking to her here though so that may be not as hard.(?)#Connie Maheswaran#Steven Universe#Crack AU#Steven Universe AU#my shiz#If it's prime Connie you wouldn't know she has a barrel of acid. Probably.#And if you did she'll stare you down and confidentally say. Yes that's my a barrel of acid.#But like. You have no concrete proof she has a barrel of acid#SU AU#We get so much Steven POV. Or other POV's for that matter. Sadie has more screentime but that's understandable#Despite her role in the series this girl is a mystery to us and we can only fill up the gaps through analyzing clues and implications#It's amusing to think about Steven encouraging her to not be shy. She's so (⸝⸝⸝U u U⸝⸝⸝! But it. like#bursts out in his face because she's so enthusiastic and oh so ready to take on something#su#skedoobles#Man boredom makes you think of random things. 😑#I got so much other stuff to do and I'm stuck in a line. i'm so hungry I wish I brought sum snacks 😭#Oh. Right. I was practicing drawing hands clasping together and just drew Connie around it .#One image with dialogue text count as a comic yeah?#comics#my comics#SU comics
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This is the most New Memories/varigo coded confession I’ve ever seen hello???
Kate and Anthony’s love story in general is just so them coded because wdym they spend an entire season simultaneously hating each other and wanting to kiss? The tension between them being so much that they can just barely keep themselves together? The fact that they clearly want each other so bad but force themselves not to act on it due to some sense of duty? Literally Varian and Hugo 🙏
#I think it says something that they’d be the ones with the messiest love story#maybe not messiest but definitely the most frustrating#because they totally would spend an entire season thinking they hate each other even though they so clearly want each other#further proof that Varigo has worked its way into everything in my life#you are the bane of my existence and the object of all my desires#OKAY HUGO I SEE YOU LOVER BOY#Varian doing the Kate eyes when they waltz#ifykyk#they would definitely have a Bridgerton style love confession cuz these bitches are DRAMATIC#love them tho#vat7k#varigo#hugo vat7k#varian and the seven kingdoms#varian the alchemist#hugo rottewange#riley rambles
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It's kinda shocking to me how few people seem to know how prevalent the 'my great grandmother was cherokee' myth is and how it's almost never actually true, especially when it comes with things like 'never signed up' or 'fell off the trail' or 'courthouse burned down destorying the documentation' etc etc.
People just don't even seem to know the history like.. when the Trail happened. My great great great grandfather was 2 years old during Removal in 1838, so peoples 'my great grandmother hid in the mountains!' is so clearly wrong. And we have rolls. From before and after removal, rolls done by cherokee nation and others by the government, rolls that were not stored in one random flammable courthouse. It's not difficult to find the actual evidence of ancestry.
And just.. there are lots of ways those family stories get started. It was a practice during the confederacy to claim cherokee ancestry to show one's family had 'deep roots in the south' that they were there before the cherokee were removed. Many people pretended to be cherokee and applied for the Guion-Miller payout just to try to steal money meant for cherokees - 2/3rds of the applicants were denied for having 0 proof of actual cherokee ancestry. [We even see lawyers advertising signing up for the Miller roll just to try to get free money.] And the myth even started in some families in the cherokee land lotteries, where the land stolen from us was raffled off, including the house and everything that was left behind when the cherokees were removed. We have seen people whose families just take these things stolen from the cherokee family and adopt them into their own family story, saying that they were cherokee themselves.
If you had some family story about being cherokee and you wanna have proof one way or the other, check out this Facebook group run by expert cherokee genealogists that do research for free. Just please read the rules fully and respect the researchers. They run thousands of people's ancestries a year and their average is only around 0.7% of lines they run actually end up having true cherokee ancestry.
#and ive heard even dumber origins of the cherokee family myth#such as an ancestor having a silly sounding name so the descendents just go 'oh she mustve been an indian!!!'#i was one of the few people who had my ancestry done on the facebook and had genuine cherokee ancestry#[though i had found it before it was just really validating to get it double checked and i started finding cousins (:]#like. i was told once when i was a kid by my grandma that my dad had cherokee ancestry and i didnt believe her. its wild that so many peopl#will make it a Fixture of their identity [or even just smth they bring up ever] with Zero proof#at least for cherokees from what ive seen its usually considered really disrespectful to claim to have cherokee ancestry without#actually having the documentation [like ancestors on the rolls]#and no a dna test doesnt count. nor does 'my dad is Clearly not white!' or 'high cheekbones' or old family photos or anything#i had this discussion with someone recently whose dad had been calling himself 3/4 native but didnt know exactly what nation ???? hello?#and its like... sorry but ur dad is like. italian lol.#[and blood quantum is bullshit anyway im tired of the 'im 1/16 cherokee' comments its dumb#cherokee nation does not have a blood quantum requirement. its pointless bringing it up in the discussion of who is or isnt cherokee]#also mandatory disclaimer that im reconnecting. i didnt grow up connected to the culture of even knowing my ancestry#this is all from my looking into this stuff over the past year or so. i cant claim to be an authority over anything regarding this#this is p much all my repeating things ive heard said by people who know a lot more than i do haha#man. and this isnt even starting to get into the fake tribe stuff. the only legit cherokee groups are the 3 federally recognized bands#cherokee nation of oklahoma. united keetoowah band. and the eastern band of cherokee indians.#any others that are state recognized or not at all arent acknowledged as legitimate by any of the legit cherokee groups#anyway. my final message goodb.ye#cherokee#tsalagi
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A downside to my Miss Havisham era: I have to acknowledge that the weird maybe-metallic bang heard without the house 1-3 times almost daily isn't the roommates bumping about, the cats getting up to trouble, the dishwasher/washing/drying machines, or even the radiators or A/C.
1-3 times a day something in this huge old dilapidated house decides to go CLANK, and I have no idea what it is
#it has never happened when i'm in a part of the house where i can easily discern what might make that sound#it's just. SOME pipe? maybe? expressing a complaint??#god this house is SO old. i don't know which part to stress about any of it more than the rest#i think now that i'm living alone and 90% responsible for this beast of a house i should probably have a tag for it#i'm absolutely gonna rant about it further#hmm.#house hell#it's absolutely gonna be hell down the line#the rotting ceiling in my bedroom is ample proof of that#but i keep making the joke even though i haven't read great expectations in like. decades#havisham era
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Ohiwe
After Oh is split into two, their power is halved/divided. But! Other traits are not necessarily divided evenly. So she holds all the romantic love (unrequited) for Ymber. She also has the rhythm/ability to dance while the other half cannot keep a beat for the life of him.
#my characters#also just because im fascinated by the fire deity as a duo and how they think#ymber (water deity) is renowned and worshipped for knowledge and he is incredibly skilled and smart and logical#oh (and then ohime and ohiwe after the punishment) is famed for fortitude#but also holy moly the lil fire freaks are obsessed with the scientific method of trial and error#like while ymber would prefer to observe and gather data first before coming to any conclusions or even consider what to test#ohime and ohiwe just go YOLO! and speed run science#like after ymber gives deacon a very hefty blessing and the word reaches the fire duo ohime just jumps to travel#and waltzes into ymbers city and is like hi hello good to see you i need to borrow your boyfriend#and then gives a playful nudge and oh my the ward flared how fascinating#and begins to circle the poor guy and just gently getting too close vs a decent distance and seeing how the ward reacts#and hes like OKAY SO IN CONCLUSION to the wonderful question of can ohiwe and i buff the boyfriend#the answer is no because you completely dominated the poor guys body like look at him hes unable to drown now#and hes so sad that ohiwe and him cannot in fact make deacon fire proof#but then he continues with yeah cause obviously we would recruit fulj so she could bless him with lightning#then you could have a water proof boyfriend who also cannot be melted inside or out#and deacon is just like wait i cant drown anymore? what?#ohiwe and ohime just visiting the other deities in rotation since they have the ability to leave one in charge of the fire city#and let the other wander to check on their buddies and sometimes just playing host in the fire city#for fulj if she wants to visit because she deserves an honorary home there after her own punishment#also idk if it matters to anyone else but it matters to me but the city of fire has so many snakes#because the fire deity are closely tied to serpents in association#so they have two in their temple (though they can leave!) and then snakes all around the city#like in the street or slithering into someone's house ya know as snakes do
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The US government when you’re not applying for aid: “We know everything about you.”
The US government when you’re applying for aid: “Actually, you have to prove you exist as a person. We know nothing.”
#seriously what I’m going through right now#they want me to have proof of address… even though they mailed me something#to the address that I live at and have proven I live at over and over again
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Fellow user of Good Taste, I’d just like to give some sympathy lmaoo. I was complaining to my roomate about this one character showing up on my feed a lot, and they went “ugh. Of course you get this guy. He’s a guy with a bad attitude but actually nice”. It is now a month later and that character is in my head against my will.
Predictability isn’t a curse, it just means that you can sniff out the good ones with ease ^^ (btw love the shadow art so much, your style really works with sonic’s whole aesthetic :0 Also as a fellow Predictable person™️, I am quite heavily resisting the urge to see what shadow’s deal is despite never having an interest in sonic lmaoo 👍)
lmaO we are kindred spirits you and I 🤝 love a guy that you know is your type and trying to avoid looking for them only for them to worm them in against your will
(and thanks for the compliment! always funny to be told I have a style even though by this point I have to assume it's true haha)
(and listen. Listen. go watch the Dark Beginnings animations. you will not regret it.)
youtube
#reply#cotgar2#Join Me#fr though everyone should watch these animations even if you don't give a shit about the character at all#because it's Good Animation#like they popped off with these for no good reason but damn if it didn't get me to buy their game in the end I guess lol#my type is characters that interact with other characters in some sort of fun way which I had no proof of with shadow until these videos#my type is also *gestures vaguely at greedling* everything they have going on specifically#but that's a high bar to clear so character interactions in general are also good
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she's live
now you can see what everyones height is in my head because i refuse to download height sliders. look at ass <3
#also works on mobile btw ☝️ !!#me successfully making this is proof you can achieve anything with 500 google searches#you should see my search history#html how to put image. html how to change image size. html how to put images in a row. html how to center a row of images. html how to#their pinterest boards are disabled at the moment because i need to make them look good before i share them#and most tags don't work yet because i'm too lazy to go back through my whole blog and tag almost 2 years worth of posts 😭#going to christen it by reblogging one of those dress up your sim prompt ask games#if i can find it#and then i'm going to get completely stuck into rufus and sawyers gameplay yessss i can't wait#leaving virgils gameplay forever i think because when rufus and sawyer have a kid i'm moving him in as the babysitter#would you believe me if i told you there is 0 cc clothes in this#i've fallen in love with maxis clothing recently idk what happened to me#besides roxys boots and virgils bag its a vanilla lookbook#thank you to everyone who voted on the poll yesterday btw#even though it was 50/50 the majority of the time it was up#it ended up 60/40 after an hour tho so i went with my fav macmahon lifestages instead of young adult stages!#goodnight <3
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boomshakalaka
#NOT DONE!#just putting this here for proof that i am STILL WORKING ON WRITING despite my absence in posting lel#i had to prioritize exams so my document didn't get much action for a month... and also the scene deleting incident...#but just know that even if i'm not posting i'm still very committed to finishing this :)#but this past year i've been trying to minimize my interactions with social media PARTICULARILY TWITTER AND TIKTOK#which has honestslay been going quite well even though it's challenging at times cuz it's like a very fine line#of staying up to date with world issues and the occasional teehee but then that can easily morph into escapism and doom scrolling#sooooo gotta be careful#i'm not always on target 🤓 ... but i try#and i check the scenarios tags every now n then for fics but as a long fic writer i'm also a long fic reader#which OBVIOUSLY IS HARD bc everyone who writes longer fics is not shelling those things out every week#i just need smth i can rly sink my teeth into...#anywho chat later :3 :*#no estimate as to when this will be finished and i just can't bring myself to release a teaser without having the full thing#cuz i hate not delivering 😃
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Louis has a bit of belly hair too...CUTE
He does!! I have conducted vital research for the sake of writing fic, haha. I genuinely love it (and him, of course).
#i do like it generally just personally speaking#and it's fun to write actually#but because i've been writing a bit more from lestat's pov i've been thinking a bit more about specifically what lestat would be#attracted to#beyond obviously louis just being flat out beautiful haha#and i do actually think he'd be really into his chest and belly hair#(especially since lestat doesn't really have any)#and it's been fun to actually weave that a bit more into dogless as a result even though it's still louis' pov#i also think louis would be into it#especially because i rewatched the bit with dreamstat singing about running his fingers through his hair#and i was kind of thinking that doesn't necessarily just have to be head hair y'know?#anyway this is way more info than you require hahah#i'm going to go back to proofing#louis asks
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Not to psychoanalyze (Yes, to do that), but given Armand's history, his only preconception of what love is, is to view it through pure desire. Love - and more broadly accurate, his life purpose for like half a millenia - as only he's ever known it, has only been experienced through transactional wish-fulfillment fantasies, of which he was the one typically sought after to complete such an exchange. And so naturally, in his own seeking, he replicates it. Though to some degree he also replicates the fantastical existence of fictional romances to compensate.
This lack of true experience of love without desire or fantasy, making his always unfilled 'objet petit a' - his object of desire - (a partner he desires a particular love from but does not receive to his fulfillment) - the catalyst for believing there is no other form of love to be had. That he can simply love the person, and be altruistic to their personhood, without them filling a role or desire for him, just would never occur. He's egotistical and overly pragmatic towards others by the fault of formative experiences denying him his own personhood. In being groomed into the object of desire, he no longer sees anyone else but as such. It's equal parts lack of self-awareness, meaning he simply has no way to counter-reflect upon himself the way one should behave, and developed coping mechanism, either consciously or unconsciously, taking on the role of those who inflicted upon him their desires to gain a sense of control over it.
In never escaping this cycle of love as desire, he always denies himself his full person, and simultaneously denies the personhood of others.
#tldr: Armand is ten trauma responses in a trench coat#the vampire armand#Armand#character analysis#IWTV#interview with the vampire#lacanian psychoanalysis? In my interview?#I'm NOT an expert by the way this is just for funsies#Also if he does love daniel and yet daniel gives him only the very thing he least desires and yet he still loves him after. That#would be like proof of a love beyond desire.#he might not realize this proof though or perhaps has a great anxiety about it's existence leading to cognitive dissonance#It would be proof as well if for whatever reason despite Daniel having every reason to hate him he does find something to love about him.#I think that kind of confrontation between them could lead towards a confrontation with the possible breaking of this cycle.#beyond daniel as well maintaining normal nonforceful noncommital relationships with others would just help him significantly#and I don’t even bring it up here but Armand falls victim to limerance I feel this involuntary obsessive affection towards someone’s#it’s to such that he values whatever can sustain this obsession more that the object of his obsession themselves#his deep fear of abandonment as only the immortal can bind another immortal to a sense of grounded place to surroundings#something tangibly like constant in a world that always and forever changes#to be abandoned by someone like you would be to be abandoned by the only world you can really know#that is if you need your world to be in relation to others and can’t actually concieve of yourself in it as a full self
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past me squirreled away so many little bread crumbs over the years to lead me back to information and records and things that I kept that I didn’t consciously allow myself to understand I might need someday again
#😭#crying in the bathroom a bit about it not gonna lie#I had so much evidence. so much proof#not of everything or many of the big things but of so many smaller things#and it’s been there all this time. I saved it and forgot about it and trusted that future me would follow the crumbs back to the note the#journal the email the flash drive the screenshot the sketchbook the post it note in a sports bag—#on and on and on#I saved so much#and then I saved my own self from knowing it#even when I would have wanted to use it earlier a few years ago#my brain protected it like I had coded it to#and everything keeps proceeding each year with me remembering more and more times when little me or high school me made silo-ing decisions#that shaped my safety without sacrificing the evidence or truth ultimately#I was much more cunning than I gave myself credit for after age 10 or so#I just had to hide it from my own self or I would have been made while still unsafe#brains are so powerful#and past me did something so kind for future me even though it was harder#and I’m really full of gratitude#this feels like something healing after how much trouble I’ve had almost passing out over and over today#I’ve always been looking out for me. I just haven’t always remembered that that was true.#shh Katie#cult escapee
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Do you ever look at a character and immediately think "this one is gonna try to rizz up one of the mcs and they're going to succeed" for no discernable reason
This is who I'm talking about btw

#I have no proof but also no doubts#idk why though he hasn't done anything yet 😭#WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME#but for some reason my mind is CONVINCED he'll try something w cheng xiaoshi#pls tell me I'm not the only one that sees it 😭😭😭#actually no don't listen to me LMAO#link click#shiguang daili ren
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