#even though I'm really discouraged rn.....

[terriblegam2r]

What is happening to Carmy and Sydney's relationship in this third season couldn't help but give me deja vu of what happened to Rick and Michonne's relationship in season 5 and 6 of The Walking Dead before they became canon. And it gives me a little bit of hope for Sydcarmy, and I'll explain why:

For anyone who hasn't seen TWD (and to try to make it tldr as possible) - starting in the back half of season 5, Rick and Michonne (and co.) get to this sheltered community and Rick suddenly starts to get attracted to this random woman who lives in said community (which was clearly OOC for him to do at the time). While his infatuation for this woman grew, his very close bond with Michonne (that was well established and cultivated up until this point) suddenly took a backseat in the show. They started to share way less scenes together and their relationship became a little strained (but in Richonne's case it was mostly about them not getting enough screen time together before canon). It was clear that the majority of the audience wasn't going to be invested in Rick's newfound infatuation so in order to sell it the writers strategically separated Rick and Michonne during this period, because the writers knew that Richonne was the most popular relationship among fans and had the most chemistry on the show so they couldn't show Rick and Michonne share screen time otherwise it would clearly steal the spotlight from Rick's development with this new character. So the writers chose to downplay and ignore the characters and actor's insane chemistry to entertain Rick's infatuation and make it more believable instead and to the show's ultimate detriment. Rick and this woman do eventually kiss (in a dank, dark garage at night (which kinda reminds me how a lot of Carmy and Claire's scenes are shot, but I digress)), but literally the very next day he's looking Michonne up and down (mostly to Andrew Lincoln's credit lol) and telling her that if the community gets overrun by zombies then they should ditch the community and save themselves and their main group (he didn't include said woman in the discussion either).

I know that what is happening with Sydcarmy on The Bear right now is not really encouraging for the future, there is still hope that the writers could be going the typical Hollywood route of "the main character gets into their first relationship that is ultimately doomed to fail only for the main character to then realize what he/she wanted and needed was right in front of them this whole time" Trope like how they did on TWD. I've seen it done before and I've been in these same trenches with you (and it was a really dark, sad time for Richonners as well). Of course it doesn't mean that what I've experienced in other shows will automatically be applied to this show, however there is still a chance that it could go down that same route in the end. The series is not over yet.

Even though the signs are small, they are there. Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise.

[rubys-domain]

it took for-fucking-ever to get a marechaussee atk sands. but i finally got one. after countless useless artifacts. at least i got a lot of fodder i guess

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for HALF:

kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.

its. literally stunning.

like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written

THE INSTRUMENTALS.

HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty

heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half

GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?

---

half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense

theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.

this song is pure ASMR to me

visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity

the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3

kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him

dapper gentleman. such clothes

the key change is so well done

AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn

every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect

kazui is in it

um

kazui is in it

go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband

no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)

---

Allow me to present my Half propaganda!

- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)

- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.

- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)

- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.

- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.

- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

[gotafewtricks]

It is I, the silly animal anon. I come bearing more requests such as a centaur!reader with hanzo. I just thought it'd be goofy as hell. I IMAGINE THE VOICE LINE WHERE ORISA TALKS TO HANZO ABOUT HIM RIDING HER INTO BATTLE AND LIKE TRANSFERRING THAT TO READER? 😭😭

Have a nice day. I hope you're doing well in school!

★ "I- What a preposterous thought!"

Glad to see you swing by again :3 I like the animal theme going on; and I hope I did well, especially since I am not very knowledgeable in Greek mythos !! & I'm well, hope you are, too! I'm just stuffy rn due to allergies; and mhm! School's well !!

With how first impressions would go, he'd probably have to blink twice to fully believe what was in front of his eyes. Even if his family sought forth the dragon, and Hanzo's extensive knowledge of his culture's mythos, it'd feel natural for him to think of this as normal—whenever you'll have to call him out on his staring.

So many thoughts would race through the archer's mind right now. Who are you? What are you? Why are you mentioning how his jaw's dropped?

Hanzo would have to compose himself with a quick "ahem"; as he'd clear his throat before he could advance any further. His knowledge on centaurs felt elementary, as he thought about such a topic even more. The marksman would glance over your body, a particular thought humoured him as he'd break into a smirk; before coming to the realization you have your bow firmly in hand, as you'd trot toward him.

He never was one into equestrian sports, as most of his free time during his servitude towards his family included wielding the blade. Now, that is not relevant to him; considering his promise to never even dare touch such a weapon. His bow was his safest option to hone his skills, and to also keep up his job as a mercenary.

"I know what you're thinking," you'd say, breaking him out of his thoughts. "You wish to ride me into battle?"

Prepare for a flustered Hanzo, shaking his head out of pure humiliation that you'd want to point him out like that. Even with his experiences prior did not revolve around the idea of cavalry, he couldn't help but entertain those thoughts his mind was plagued with! Considering he trusted that, due to your heritage, you were also a skilled hunter with the bow, then-

"No, why would you think that? Do I come off as that shallow?" Hanzo would then interject, making up a lie to make himself look as if he wasn't the one red-handed here. "I'd have more respect for..."

With just one knowing grin from you, he'd have to scowl. You won.

You didn't want to just leave him hanging there, though. You did offer your assistance for his idea, of which he tried to make it sound as if you were "doing it out of pity"; but, in reality, you could tell that his eagerness through his body language told you otherwise.

I feel as if Hanzo would know proper etiquette with riding on horseback; I'd say that during his trips throughout Japan, and the world, too, he'd understand a few concepts. You'd really need to teach him and be patient.

He's never really gotten... this excited for a rather childish concept. Do be gentle, if you were to muse your comments with Hanzo and tease him, as it'd make his a bit discouraged on acting more upon these little scenarios. Let him have his fun! Though, please do humble him if he ever gets too high and mighty on his high-horse... aha.

He'd somehow revere your untamed nature, if you exhibited one; being free, and guided by your own motivations and wills. Hanzo would see himself in you, and in a way, there was a beauty of it.

Whenever the two of you got closer, Hanzo would love to do nothing other than run his hands through the course hide of yours; you and him would normally then meet up during the night, the stars blanketing the dark skies.

I'd feel like he'd have a basic understanding of astronomy and astrology respectively, though, once you start talking the alignment of stars and planets, you cannot help but laugh at his confused expression—explaining the different relationships between those bodies.

You'd laugh at how he'd get confused with the different constellations, mumbling to himself about how you got an image of an air pump out of spotted dots. You would then correct him that it was actually "Antila"; but he'd digress. Hanzo would have genuine interest if you were to act so enthusiastic about the study; matching the energy lovingly, being more comfortable with expressing his newfound interest.

Whilst the two of you would train, as much as he would prefer the comfort of solitude, Hanzo would love to gauge at your ability; your specialty as an archer.

He'd hint and hint at wanting to practice his abilities on horseback; making his request subtle; even if you did allow him to ride on you, or if you didn't care. Hanzo still was trying to make sure that you were comfortable, whilst also wanting to fulfill his own curiosities.

You'd make fun of him, calling him a cat with how he'd just tilt his head at you. If you didn't mind the staring, you'd further joke along with him; causing him to always shake his head in embarrassment. Every. Single. Time.

[skitskatdacat63]

The frustrating thing about creating is the realization that I'm never going to be able to completely fulfill all my desires. On one hand, that means eternal motivation, but on the other, eternal unsatisfaction. I've had my ocs and au for 7+ years, and I still don't feel anywhere close to feeling fulfilled, though part of that is me getting in my own way. The worst is that that lack of fulfillment scares me away from y'know, actually making steps to fulfill myself. It is an annoying cycle 😞

Create something -> feel proud! -> think about the vast amount of things I *haven't* made(yet?) -> feel hopeless -> refrain from creating for a period of time out of shame. Repeat.

I guess I hate that I am often my own worst enemy. That the feeling of "wow I haven't made nearly as much as I want to" doesn't motivate me, but rather discourages me. I wish I could use all this time I spend commiserating with myself to instead actually create. But alas. Mostly. I often say, oh I want to write this, or oh I want to draw this! And I do! But I scare myself out of doing it, and I hate that. People encourage me, and I really appreciate that, but at the end of the day, it'll always be me who is my worst enemy. It's so fucking irritating. I feel so joyful and passionate about the ideas I have, but often can't even start them because I can't resist the devil on my shoulder whos saying, "yeah, but that's so little, why even make it at that point." UGH.

Anyhow. Ignore me, I like to psychoanalyze myself. I know I'll get out of this rut, I just feel shameful rn. But it feels relieving I guess to write it out like this. So maybe I should go actually write :)

[specialgradefckr]

Heyyo! I'm usually just a lurker, but your Heatwave series has been absolutely incredible and I had to write in. I'm not usually an ABO fan, but you are rapidly changing my mind. Started with the Yuuta/Rika piece and loved your characterization of that sad eyed dude. Sweet and mostly passive while also being fully aware of reader-chan's BS.

Day 4 tho??? 🥵🔥🥵 I'm a more recent Gojo convert and oh my stars, "...you think for a moment he sounds like a dog toy. You think you want to make him your dog toy." Arrogant, but also whiney and pathetic Gojo really hits for me. The Pining? Phenomenal.

Just wanted to gas you up a bit and let you know what an excellent writer you are. Totally looking forward to the rest of the Heatwave series and whatever else your big brain cooks up in the future! 😊

wanted to gas you up a bit

awwhhhhHHh THANK YOUUUU 🥺 i super appreciate it!!!

honestly i started this blog recently and i've been trying not to compare the numbers but sometimes i get discouraged, you know? like, i AM doing it for the art (i knew day 3 was not gonna get a lot of love) but i'm posting it bc it makes me happy to see people enjoying it.

it's super encouraging to hear from you (and all the others who leave comments or reblog etc.) that my work is doing well.

i'm trying to be more critical of my own writing, fix things i don't like about it, and sometimes i need a reminder that it's still worthwhile and enjoyable to read even when i feel like it could have been better.

I've been writing like? All 10 of the Heatwave prompts concurrently, and while it means I have all of them drafted and partly written rn, it also means I switch between them a lot.

Inevitably I start to kinda. Lose the plot sometimes of a scene I'm trying to write skdfhglsdhg like the intro to the Yuta fic was SOOOO long actually and it was rambling about social phenomena with alphas, basically the omegaverse version of red pill dudes LMAOOO

and that was also supposed to lead in to like. the idea of what a REAL alpha is. the non-gendered values of leadership, protectiveness, and actually being sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of people around them (a crucial trait for someone in a leadership position).

and yuta fits those things SO WELL. he is CONSTANTLY worried about the people around them, how they feel and what they think. he admires the shit out of his classmates who like, tried to attack him when they first met fghskjdfgh. he wants to protect them but he never looks down on them.

later in the manga we see that yuta's consideration and empathy isn't just for his classmates. he cares a lot even for people who are very capable of protecting themselves - he cares about their feelings.

so i just knew like. yuta and tsundere reader. yuta who can see though your fussiness because he's always been perceptive.

yuta who thinks you're hot bc he has a constant boner for strong women but also has a deep yearning to see you be honest and vulnerable with him, and goes feral for it.

yuta who you can be vulnerable with because you know him and his gentle smile, his kind words, how he looks up to you even though he's a special grade and stronger than you'll ever be,, hhhh....

but yeah anyways. *grasps you and shakes you by the shoulder* GOJO. GOJO SATORU BEING HIS PATHETIC NEEDY SELF. GOJO BEING YOUR SQUEAKY TOY AND LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT -

tmi but "fuck me until i sound like a dog toy" is actually something a previous partner said to me??? i've never been much of a top but hearing that just kinda had me... hsdfgjhdsg HHHHHH

i think a major part of gojo's appeal is how he can be arrogant and pretty AND sultry all at once. there's something utterly delicious about a slutty confident man who is also crying screaming throwing up for you to let him put it in you skdhflsdhg

next heatwave fic is sdkfgsdlhgshg uhhhHHhh different from the ones you have read, it's a yandere piece with gojo and geto.

After that it's another gojo piece i think you'll REALLY like >.> masochist!gojo is a favorite headcanon of mine and i was actually super hyped writing some of the smut there so far hehe.

glad you've enjoyed so far! more to come for sure ;)

[nyamcattt]

Omg I love your art so much I'm more of a proof and numbers person so I really struggle with the freedom of art when I try to make it any tips you can give me pretty please?

omg thank you??!? 😳

hmmm i'm assuming you meant numbers like, social media numbers? it's hard to deal with that in this current state of the internet, especially when you want to pursue art professionally the non traditional way, or to use online space to get to the traditional routes. the creative industry is a bit cooked rn.

i gotta admit it was easier when i was pursuing a different career and my income didn't hinge on how my art is doing online!! you just draw for yourself and draw whatever you like.

it's in the name itself, when it comes to freedom of art, you gotta let it go wild, be free, experiment with medium, try new compositions, new concepts, try what the others are doing, put random things together, they don't even have to make sense or have a specific meaning. but of course it won't always do well, especially when it comes to "proof" or "numbers".

you can chase numbers. however, you won't grow as an artist if you don't get out of your comfort zone, or out of what is liked and expected from you. professionals who are hiring artists want to see fresh and unique work.

it's easy to say "don't worry about what others think" but the reality is, to make it out there, you need an audience, and a substantial amount of people have to like your work for your to take off and reach the right people.

my tip is try to find balance. try pushing yourself to try something new in one or two aspects of your drawing. let's say you know people would like the piece if you draw a fanart, or from a art challenge, then try something new in other aspects of it, maybe try a new color palette, experiment with brush and textures, try different angles, lightings, style, add your own twist to the concept, etc. whatever it is, push yourself to try something new, one at a time.

MOST IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, remember and internalize this: this silly social media numbers game is not indicative of the quality of your work. these numbers depend on so many factors, while skill and ideas are part of them, there are also networking, marketing, presentation, consistency, and lots of LUCK.

so if a piece you're proud of "flops" don't nitpick it, don't be scared to do it again. it's discouraging, yes, but your overall growth as an artist is more important than just online numbers in the long run. others might not see it instantly, but if you are proud of it, that means you are going into the right direction!

[olive-pit123]

feeling really discouraged rn, when I was in high school I had an internship at a local ceramics studio that doubled as an art therapy practice but I stopped showing up and ghosted my mentor because I was in the process of transitioning out of an abusive home to living with my grandparents. I've always had regrets about how that ended and now that it's my senior year and I'm in need of experience in my field of interest I messaged my old mentor explaining where I was at, asking her to give me a second chance, and was extremely vulnerable in telling her the truth as to why I stopped coming. She left me on read. Even though it was nearly 7 years ago I am just heartbroken she wouldn't even give me a one word response. so disheartened, she was the inspiration for everything I want to do in life.

[polyamorousmood]

Hey, it's 🫀!!

I am having such a great time with my bf and my metamour (that's what you call someone your partner is dating but you two aren't, right?) and I just thought I'd give an update :)

My bf and I are hanging out all the time and he got so excited that I got along with his gf. She and I have a lot of shared interests, and we both rly care about our bf so we have this understanding of each other that I think is hard to come by.

We were making jokes about all living in one really big house with all of our cool stuff plastered all over the walls so it was like one giant fusion of all of our identities and interests. It's kind of an ongoing joke for us and since I'm an artist I draw a lot of comics about it.

Also, I've heard that jealousy is something that people in polycules can experience a lot regarding their partners and the divided attention, and while I don't feel that right now, in case I do what tips do you have to deal with it?

Anyway that's all I have to say rn so have a lovely day/night :)

-🫀

Queued this up!

Hi 🫀!! its good to hear from you again! Glad things are still going well 🥰

You used metamour correctly, and how great it is to have one you really like. Be careful what you joke, it just may happen 😜

I talk about how to address jealousy in this ask and there's a lot more relevant advice here as well, so start with those. Seriously. Stop reading this and go read those. Look I'm even putting in a read more to further discourage you from reading this without reading those. You have to click something anyway so just click those first. ✌️

Okay so its SUPER nice you're not having any jealousy yet, 🫀, hell yeah! Also like, major vote of confidence that polyamory is for you. I do have some jealousy (though of course still worth and I think a lot less than mono people!). One of the big things for me I realized is that I need to have a relationship of my own -- usually a platonic one -- with my metamour outside of just third wheeling on my partner's hangouts with them. Last metamour, as soon as I went out to lunch����️ with them -- just the two of us -- everything immediately felt better and more natural 🌿

I think with everything going so well and you feeling so good about hanging out all together, you're probably not going to have a lot of problems with it. If you do have anything, I think its most likely to be one thing in particular just striking 🎳 a nerve with you? So you know, if there's anything that you catch yourself conceptualizing as ✨special✨ and just for you and your partner, make sure all relevant parties are clear on that.

Other than that I think the biggest thing is going to be keeping lines of communication clear. Make a point to comment on how things make you feel, even if it just feels nice or neutral. Being in the practice will prevent it feeling weird if you have to comment on something later for your sanity🧠. I think you have a really good set up though, 🫀! Its literally the dream scenario for a lot of poly people. Your partner better appreciate you and your meta both!! 😜As always, keep me posted!! Your messages make my day every time I get them

[foodie-to-fairy]

mw: 159.0

Was really hoping to wake up at least at 158.0 but that didn't happen. Don't want to get discouraged though, that's when I'm tempted to just say "screw it, I'll never lose this weight so I may as well binge".

I need to remember that waking up at a lower weight/knowing I did good with food the day before are the only things I have to look forward to. Eating so much all the time makes food taste wayyy less amazing than when it's a special treat.

Anyway, I've done okay so far today but I'm not even past the hardest part of the day: after dinner all the way up until I go to bed is when I struggle the absolute most. I always get nervous around that time because I really don't want to lose control but sometimes sugar and carbs are the only thing I can think about at night.

Breakfast: broccoli & soy sauce + morning coffee (80)

Lunch: 0.5 boca burger w/ ketchup & green yogurt on top, pickled green beans, cucumber slices (150

Snack: half pear (50)

Dinner: 1/4 cup brown rice, cucumber, edamame, furikake, and some chicken that my bf seasoned. (est. 340)

Not exact but the best I can do until I get a food scale. Rn my total is about 615.

I'm going to let myself have one more snack. I always crave sugar like crazy after dinner. Not sure what to have yet (i really need to grocery shop but don't have money for a few more days) but whatever it is, I'm really hoping not to make my total tip over 780.

[b1rdbra1ned]

Oh no I hate Fan too. Fan was not a good character in season 2 and he didn't actually face any consequences for his actions. Paintbrush was like the closest we got to Fan being criticised and people considered PB to be the one overreacting. Paintbrush is done so dirty because the fandom put their own belief about the bright lights being family even though Paintbrush never actually got along with them. They talked to tt like once, bickered with lb until the last ep they were in and then there's. Fan..

Also I think I hate fantube a little more after the theyrebasicallycanon polls put enstars against ii. Glad rinniki won they deserve the win against fantube imo.

Sorry I was tired of being critical of ii so I don't like it anymore 😔

But hiiii we haven't talked much in a while ik :(( I'm on holiday rn but feel free to talk to me if you want!

ALLLL OF THIS

Paintbrush was in every way in the right to yell at fan, he constantly bothered and nagged at them and the stuff about marshmallow was definitely the final straw

i only ever liked the whole bright lights family thing because honestly it could’ve worked imo!!! but they just never took that chance they never really developed the brights lights AT ALL most season (beside from marshmallow) the bright light felt more like the comical team (not really but can’t think of a better way to describe them) compared to the grand slams who definitely got way more focus and development

it’s shitty because i think the brights lights could’ve had potential but they were just casted aside until the last few episodes where “oh hey look development!! :] oh wait nvm they’re eliminated now <3” like ????

paintbrush definitely got the short end of the stick here. literally having what was supposed to be their episode mainly centred around tt and lb and having their feelings about marsh being completely casted aside. i wish more was done w/ marshmallow and them vs them and lb

looking back a lot of their scenes w lb just felt kinda off??? i don’t think can articulate this probably rn but paintbrush deserved better

but at the same time i wish the team got more time w/ each other in general, they have so many great opportunities to do it like in the maze episodes but again they’re kinda just cast aside as just comedy

and w/ s3 oh boy i hate what they did with paintbrush and their “arc” in the last few episodes. they quite literally and figuratively took away their edges, i miss sassy, sarcastic confident paintbrush they feel so dulled down in iii and it’s like no one in the writing team understands them at all. it’s like they didn’t even write s2 (but hey back to the point i mentions last post that show writers really ought to stop listening to fans sometimes because this is how fanon seeps in </3)

i hate how the a lot of the fans view paintbrush especially if it’s only ever in the context of lightbrush or shipping (another thing that pisses me off btw is how they’re always treated as irrational and or just plain out abusive FUCK PEOPLE WHO PORTRAY PAINTBRUSH LIKE THIS)

they’re such a great character who gets absolutely fucked over by the writing and fandom (not all of the fandom of course, i love seeing ppls takes and discussions on them but it’s just some fans who just </3)

i don’t like discouraging ships, if ppl are mature and respectful and don’t put other ppl down then that’s all great and stuff but my problem is that i really wish paintbrush was just seen as more than their ships yknow

Fan is.. the more i think about canon him the more im like yeaaa… uh no thanks…. (mainly w/ him and paintbrush and cabby)

idk if im even allowed to say they changed tt this season because.. she didn’t honestly have a lot of screentime last season compared to a whole lot of other characters, but in iii she feels off?? honestly all of them do even the new contestants later on during the season

idk if i have the words to describe why s3’s characterisation is so off and at time frustrating, their arcs too, was going to point out some characters but honestly i could make a case for nearly ALL the contestants the ones who weren’t voted out early at least

that’s the end of my ramble tho, sorry ik i talked a lot about paintbrush, i want to talk about the others too but they’re the one i still even think about. hopefully this isn’t a bit hard to read, ik im not that organised w my rambles sometimes

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi can I have some advice?? In a little bit of a pickle rn.

So basically, I identify as aroace (like no attraction whatsoever end of both spectrums). My best friend, who we'll call S for the sake of making it easier, is somewhere on the spectrum (I don't remember where rn but it's not very important to the story). We have a mutual friend, A, who is allo. The three of us have been friends since around 3rd grade, and have gotten a lot closer due to sharing more classes over the past year or so. They're both lovely people.

Now, the problem arose a few days ago, when we were riding back from somewhere we'd gone for S's birthday together. It was cold, and because of where we'd gone I'd dressed up in a cape. So I put my arm and the cape over A's shoulder, so he wasn't cold and also because it was kinda funny. We joked around, I sent a selfie of us to the gc the three of us have captioned "No Hetero" (because I'm female and A's male, it was meant to be an adaptation of "No Homo"). All normal things.

Later that night, when I'm at home, S sends me this text:

"Hey uh

I don't want you to tell [A] or make hints bout it or anything

But he likes you now"

We talked, she told me that she told him I'm aroace (which, while technically outing me, I didn't mind because I trust them both and I'd sent the flag in the gc that night so he would've figured it out with a quick google search anyways), and said she'd tried her best to explain. Meanwhile, A is texting me saying that he's sad (I'd asked how he was doing after he asked me), and responding "I found out something really disappointing and discouraging abt a friend" and saying that "it's really private, sorry" when I pressed for more. Which I'm almost 100% sure is about me.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I love them both (/p) and I don't want our relationship to change at all. And so far it hasn't, but I can tell A's more down than usual now. I don't want to break my promise about talking about it to S, beside I don't really want to discuss it unless I have to and A doesn't know I know, but I also don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I'm so scared of losing my friendships to romance, and this just happened in the middle of a really big and stressful life event for me.

So far things are staying the same, and I'm really hopeful it continues that way. But I'm also very aware that we'll probably have to talk about it at some point, because it has definitely shifted our relationship, at least internally.

Idk, something about knowing that a friend had/has a crush on me completely changes my worldview. Before I was scared of losing friends because society has made us believe that friends and family are second to s/o. And while I do still fear that, I just realized that it's actually possible for this to happen where I'm the "s/o", and after someone gets rejected or breaks up, it's not common (at least in media) to see them just chilling as friends again.

So, yeah. That's the situation, if anyone has any sort of advice, I would be very grateful.

-Raven (signing in case of future updates)

These situations are definitely complicated. It does sound like A developed some feelings and is disappointed those feelings can't be reciprocated. Even though no one did anything wrong, it can still be hard to deal with a situation like this. I'd recommend taking your cues from A. So for example if A pretended that it wasn't the situation with you he was disappointed by, I'd take that as a sign he doesn't currently want to talk about it. But there may come a time in the future he does want to discuss it, or does want to talk about you being aroace, and I'd talk about it then. Sometimes people need a bit of time to deal with hurting feelings, and sometimes when that hurt subsides a bit, they may or may not want to talk and clear the air.

Similarly, sometimes in these situations, the person who caught feelings may want a bit of space to deal with those feelings. If this happens, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to be friends anymore, so don't panic. And give him whatever space he asks for, but make it clear you still care a lot about him.

Situations like these are going to be more up to A how things turn out, but the best thing you can do to preserve the friendship is just keep being A's friend. Be there for him, listen to him, etc.

Beware treating media like real life. I know of lots of real life examples where someone caught feelings for someone that weren't reciprocated, or dated someone and they broke up, and they stayed friends. These things depend a lot more on individual personality and what kind of dynamic the people involved have than anything else. And when rejection comes because the other person just isn't attracted to their gender, while it's not 100%, people do tend to be forgiving because it's not personal at all.

Remember too that you didn't do anything in this particular situation. You didn't cause him to be attracted to you, it's all just chance. And I'm sure A recognizes that too, so be careful you're not beating yourself up at all over this. Just do your best to be a supportive friend, and I think that's really all you can do in these types of situations.

All the best and good luck, Anon!

[digitalagepulao]

"as i get further into my study of chinese culture/beliefs i have come across stuff that most western folks might balk at" genuinely curious but would you be up to sharing? im not chinese but i am east asian and i've dealt with a fair share of.... western fans who were NOT respectful, let's just put it that way :') so now im curious what examples you've seen! but also if you don't wanna open that can of worms i completely understand. thank you for being respectful of other cultures, at least!

no problem at all anon!

yeaaah, respect comes in all shapes and sizes nowadays, to put it... mildly xvx for what it's worth, I do very much enjoy looking at other cultures and learn their different values and how that shows in their traditions and rituals.

one big example off the top of my head is cannibalism. I'm reading "Oedipal God: The Chinese Nezha and his Indian Origins" rn, and in the first few chapters, the author Meir Shahar goes at length over some old customs of cannibalism throughout Chinese history, both as an act of filial piety ("cutting the thigh" to serve an ailing parent as medicine, as giving back the body they gifted you to heal them) and as a display of the height of ambition (like armies ceremoniously eating the flesh of the fallen enemies). some of the stories he focuses on, however, are explictly tales in which a father consumes the flesh of their sons, though the context in which this happens varies a lot.

there's also certain shamans in folk religion who go through acts of self-flaggelation after encarnating the spirits of gods. the blood that comes from those wounds can be used in exorcising or healing rituals!

most western folks have a severe aversion to topics of cannibalism and autophagy in general, and I can easily see many people pointing at these examples and wanting to call them "savage" or "barbaric", without looking deeper than the surface of why such situations and rituals arose in the first place. and I think that's to the detriment of everyone.

the matter of respect and understanding from western fandom spaces have been... let's say lacking, and I think that really needs to change before even more harm comes from these mentalities. I myself try not to engage with soc media fandom spaces for my own sanity but I've heard several disturbing stories from the grapevine and yeaaaah it's.... discouraging.

I'll likely continue doing my liveread of the book and others, so I can better keep track of interesting tidbits I come across. I'm a beginner student on the topics after all, and I think this blog can be a good way to journal my studies and learning and share them with others!

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

wip asks: purple and/or x-p?

Purple:

"I'm Tori," she blurted. "You just said," Aleron said. Tori swallowed. Carelessness like that would get her--wait. No. It was already too late for that. It didn't matter what she did. "Can we just... talk?" she asked. "I don't care about what. Just--anything." Aleron looked at her for a very long time. Tori didn't dare to look away, not even to move. Finally, he sat up a little straighter, his wings shifting until he could lean against the wall and they were folded on his back. "What do you want to know?"

This is set within a fantasy/dystopian sci-fi world. Humans used to have wings, Tori grows up as the first generation who never got to see them anymore. Wings used to be closely linked to dreams--creativity, independent thought, that sort of thing. In this dystopian hellscape, true creativity is highly discouraged and actively worked against. Despite all of that, she grows up a very avid dreamer who yearns for the past and wings, and is constantly paranoid because dreamers still exist, they just tend to... disappear.

She isn't an exception. She's just, like, 15, and it's getting increasingly hard to hide who she is. So, one day, she's kidnapped off the street by the government, meets one of the very last dreamers who still remembers the world as it was, and has to figure out how to find some hope despite everything.

X-P:

[no excerpt because it's in a physical notebook i don't have with me rn]

This story's main character is Kain. Kain is having a bad time all the time.

I haven't done much worldbuilding because really I just desperately wanted to use the X-Punk section of my character development book and create a fucked up character, and it worked!

Kain is... hm. It spends its entire time fighting against the oppressive government, with more and more drastic measures. It's the only right thing to do--it's the only way to change anything, permanently, but hardly anyone understands. Regardless, Kain fights for a better future, even though he knows he won't live to be a part of it.

Enter: Kaya. Kaya was having a normal day and then got dropped in a vaguely different place. He's... well. He's a little too calm, considering everything, but maybe that's the shock. Fact is, there's this older guy willing to help him along a little. He's not sure if he can trust Kain, but he doesn't exactly have other options.

Kain, meanwhile, is having an even worse time than usually. The thing is, Kaya is him--from the past. And if Kaya ever figures out what Kain had to do, he's going to hate it. Or, Kain just found even more ethical dilemmas along with the lurking realisation of what he's become.

Oh, and as if that wasn't enough, an old friend decides to kidnap them both. For "Kain's own good". They refuse to accept the path their friend has gone down.

Literally none of them are okay though, and things will get worse, and nobody is even close to safe, either. They're also very silly and I love them and I will torture them relentlessly. (Also if you remember my OC, Clethra, ze's a background character in here too hehe)

Thanks for asking! I love rambling abt my WIPs. Even though both are going very slow (especially purple, there just isn't enough plot/action yet to keep the story going and it's infuriating)

[chahnniesroom]

HELLO AUTHOR NIM I absolutely love all of your works and I live for all of them <33

THE ANGST IN TENDERNESS MADE ME SCREAM AAAAAA my friends can testify how much I kept on ranting about it especially when chan was being an asshole that one chap >:( and of course the moments of fluff in between made me weak in the knees 😭

AND TILL DEATH DO US APART IS 💓💞💕💖♥️♥️💗 SO FLUFFY (except minho's fic) I LOVE READING THEM ALL hyunjin painting her a painting of their flowers even though he's busy AND THE "it's us" WBSOWNXOASON SO CUTE 😭😭 and seungmin picking her up and taking care of her 😭 sobbinh and there is the angst of the minho fic :( I loved it

I love how you write each fic and I'm so excited to read your next one, of course you can take your time writing each fic we'll all be waiting <33

anon-nim..... this is one of the nicest messages i have ever read,,,, i would do anything for you 🥹🥹

it's soo cute to hear that you talked to your friends about tenderness and i'm so glad you liked it and the rest of my fics!! it has been fun to try out different genres through the tddup collection and even more rewarding when i get such positive feedback. i really appeciate your detailed comment, no words can explain how nice it feels to receive such a heartfelt message 🥰🥰🥰

i have a lot of fics planned (like 5+ rn) but they will take time, thank you in advance for your patience!! for me, writing is a long process and my progress is often slow. taking so long to write can be discouraging, especially when i compare myself to other authors, but messages like yours really really motivate me and i am really grateful to have readers that enjoy what i create.

[everythingsinred]

For the writers ask: 2, 3, 4, 17

thank u for asking <3 <3 <3

2) What is your favorite fic of yours? i hope this isn't too much of a cop-out answer but my favorite fic is always the one i'm working on. a lot of love goes into each one and if i'm not fully enthralled in a story i'm writing i might as well not write it at all, imo. i'm particularly proud of atrad right now, because it took a long time, as well as lots of research and i really wanted it to be well-written. but rn, even though i'm on pause for a bit, subjectives is my fav bc it's the one i'm working on now.

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated? it's hard to say when it comes to the ga fandom bc there's usually not as many readers at all, but i must say lack of interaction is what caused me to put not what we should be on the backburner for a few years. i fully intend to write all of it some day, but it is hard to get motivated when it's also a fic i've received negative comments on ;-;

(w the fandom that won't be named, i really liked writing trust, but it was seemingly less interesting to others so i abandoned it. rest in peace...)

4) What fic of yours were you surprised by how popular it was? i am always shocked when any of my fics get attention! my first ga fics in the internship universe on ffn got a lil bit of attention and i was genuinely surprised! but my g*th*am fic play dead getting as much attention as it did really shocked me, especially bc i was on twitter back then and i had plenty of mutuals who would "live tweet" reading whenever a new chapter came out, and it honestly felt so touching... the higher u fly, the more u have to fall and all that.

when it comes to ga, i had surrendered to having no attention especially more recently, but i think atrad got a decent amount of attention for how small the fandom is! and lots of ppl would comment and give me their thoughts which meant a lot too, and which i wasn't fully expecting!

17) Do you have any wips that you can tell us about? What are you most excited for in you wip?

obviously, i still have nwwsb, which someone asked abt recently! i'm very happy there's ppl out there who are interested in seeing it continue bc i am too <3 i'm thinking after subjectives, i'll probably continue nwwsb for a while (tho i had planned on it being rly long so i might get distracted by another project eventually before finishing it lmao)

i also wrote ~7 chapters of a zombie au a few years ago that i enjoyed but never posted bc pretty much all i saw on tumblr back then were ppl hating on zombie aus. i think i'd have to rewrite what i have though if i were to post it, which is why i'm not as excited about that project. i don't like restarting lol

and i also have a restaurant au i like, but it would likely not be quite as long as my other fics <3

and what i'm most excited abt is just sharing more fics for people to enjoy! i love writing natsumikan fanfic and giving as much as i can to this fandom and tho it seems to be in a constant state of shrinking, i won't let myself get too discouraged! thank u to all who read and enjoy my fics <3 i very much appreciate it!

send me a fic writing ask if you would like!