#hope your holiday’s going well!! recently got back from a 2 week trip (spent like a total of 24 hrs in the airport and on planes going home💀

[b1rdbra1ned]

Oh no I hate Fan too. Fan was not a good character in season 2 and he didn't actually face any consequences for his actions. Paintbrush was like the closest we got to Fan being criticised and people considered PB to be the one overreacting. Paintbrush is done so dirty because the fandom put their own belief about the bright lights being family even though Paintbrush never actually got along with them. They talked to tt like once, bickered with lb until the last ep they were in and then there's. Fan..

Also I think I hate fantube a little more after the theyrebasicallycanon polls put enstars against ii. Glad rinniki won they deserve the win against fantube imo.

Sorry I was tired of being critical of ii so I don't like it anymore 😔

But hiiii we haven't talked much in a while ik :(( I'm on holiday rn but feel free to talk to me if you want!

ALLLL OF THIS

Paintbrush was in every way in the right to yell at fan, he constantly bothered and nagged at them and the stuff about marshmallow was definitely the final straw

i only ever liked the whole bright lights family thing because honestly it could’ve worked imo!!! but they just never took that chance they never really developed the brights lights AT ALL most season (beside from marshmallow) the bright light felt more like the comical team (not really but can’t think of a better way to describe them) compared to the grand slams who definitely got way more focus and development

it’s shitty because i think the brights lights could’ve had potential but they were just casted aside until the last few episodes where “oh hey look development!! :] oh wait nvm they’re eliminated now <3” like ????

paintbrush definitely got the short end of the stick here. literally having what was supposed to be their episode mainly centred around tt and lb and having their feelings about marsh being completely casted aside. i wish more was done w/ marshmallow and them vs them and lb

looking back a lot of their scenes w lb just felt kinda off??? i don’t think can articulate this probably rn but paintbrush deserved better

but at the same time i wish the team got more time w/ each other in general, they have so many great opportunities to do it like in the maze episodes but again they’re kinda just cast aside as just comedy

and w/ s3 oh boy i hate what they did with paintbrush and their “arc” in the last few episodes. they quite literally and figuratively took away their edges, i miss sassy, sarcastic confident paintbrush they feel so dulled down in iii and it’s like no one in the writing team understands them at all. it’s like they didn’t even write s2 (but hey back to the point i mentions last post that show writers really ought to stop listening to fans sometimes because this is how fanon seeps in </3)

i hate how the a lot of the fans view paintbrush especially if it’s only ever in the context of lightbrush or shipping (another thing that pisses me off btw is how they’re always treated as irrational and or just plain out abusive FUCK PEOPLE WHO PORTRAY PAINTBRUSH LIKE THIS)

they’re such a great character who gets absolutely fucked over by the writing and fandom (not all of the fandom of course, i love seeing ppls takes and discussions on them but it’s just some fans who just </3)

i don’t like discouraging ships, if ppl are mature and respectful and don’t put other ppl down then that’s all great and stuff but my problem is that i really wish paintbrush was just seen as more than their ships yknow

Fan is.. the more i think about canon him the more im like yeaaa… uh no thanks…. (mainly w/ him and paintbrush and cabby)

idk if im even allowed to say they changed tt this season because.. she didn’t honestly have a lot of screentime last season compared to a whole lot of other characters, but in iii she feels off?? honestly all of them do even the new contestants later on during the season

idk if i have the words to describe why s3’s characterisation is so off and at time frustrating, their arcs too, was going to point out some characters but honestly i could make a case for nearly ALL the contestants the ones who weren’t voted out early at least

that’s the end of my ramble tho, sorry ik i talked a lot about paintbrush, i want to talk about the others too but they’re the one i still even think about. hopefully this isn’t a bit hard to read, ik im not that organised w my rambles sometimes

[mysmegrace]

i recently installed mystic messenger again after like a month or more of not playing (was afraid of someone finding the game in my phone) , and it felt good to "see" the characters again , so can i please request headcanons of the rfa seeing mc after a long time ?

hello, that's completely understandable lol. i remember back in 2016 when i played it the first time around (i deleted it after the first bad ending and didn't play again until 2019 lol) and was worried people would look on my phone and see it. oh how times have changed lol. but of course!

RFA Seeing MC After a Long Time

---

yoosung kim:

you attended the rfa party during the last summer you had before going to college.

life was looking up for you.

you found an amazing boyfriend, started becoming independent, and got a good summer job.

things only got better when you found out you had gotten accepted to college.

only problem was that the college was in the US, and your friends and lover were in South Korea.

as much as you loved your new life here, you reminded yourself of your feelings before meeting the rfa.

how everything you created here would only be temporary.

but now, you didn’t want to stick to that anymore.

your life was going so well, and you knew yoosung wouldn’t be happy about you leaving to go across the globe.

however, it was too good of an opportunity to let it go.

this was what you were to planning to do for the last decade.

if you were to give up now, all your hard work would be for nothing.

you were incredibly conflicted, but eventually choose to follow your passion at college overseas.

and yoosung was frantic about it.

he wouldn’t be able to see you, protect you, help you, feed you, walk with you, the list went on.

however as he’s gotten more mature over the past few days, he knew he didn’t have the power to stop you, nor should he guilt you about it.

besides, he wanted you to pursue something you were passionate in and become successful.

some sacrifices would just have to be made.

that didn’t mean he would let you go either.

the two of you made a promise to call, facetime, and visit each other as often as possible.

you’d make it work.

so with much regret, you left to the states.

and when the holidays approached, you decided to bring yourself to him as a gift.

it had been months since he saw you at this point.

you both could enjoy the holidays together while relaxing.

it was a win win.

and what better way to carry out your surprise than by showing up to his front door at 10pm?

and that’s exactly what you did.

giving the door a good few knocks, you waited until you were greeted by yoosung standing in his unwashed pajamas, staring at you.

it took a few seconds for it to click who you are, yet once that processed, he was overcome with joy.

you thought it was adorable how his hands flew to his face as he began to pull you into a hug shortly after.

you were met with only parts of words as yoosung couldn’t explain his excitement fast enough.

and you were ecstatic as well.

you never realized how much you missed him until you were reunited with him again.

hence why after you two spent the holidays together, you found it incredibly difficult to leave again.

however with his encouragement, you went off to work your hardest so he could meet a successful you the next time you reunited.

hyun ryu / zen:

much like zen, you were an actor too.

you were a much lesser known actress, but you had began building connections.

and those connections all paid off when you were offered a new role in a movie that was predicted to be going big.

you couldn’t be more grateful.

yet as you began reading farther into the offer, your heart slowly sunk.

if you were to take the role, you would have to relocate to germany for the next 9 months.

you wanted this so bad, but you didn’t want to leave zen alone for 9 months.

he if could, he would join you in germany.

but he already had a role to work on in south korea.

as much as you wanted him to join you, you didn’t want him to give up his role he had been working so hard on for the past year.

you were conflicted, and knew it would be best to talk about it to zen.

not only to see what he thinks, but to ease your feelings.

and once you had the discuss about it with you, you came to a conclusion.

you would could, keeping in contact with him everyday.

though zen was heartbroken about it, he knew how much you wanted this and how much this would advance your career.

so with a heavy heart, he sent you off.

the moment you left on the plane, he was already longing for your reunion.

9 months never went by so slow.

when you were with him, there was never enough time to bask in each others love.

but without him, everyday had an extra 8 hours.

even though you were working 24/7, time stayed still for days on end.

yet when the production ended a month early, all your worries and stresses eased as you could finally reunite with your love in person.

without thinking, you packed all your stuff up once you got back to your trailer to get the next plane back to seoul.

you hadn’t even thought to tell zen until you boarded the plane.

too late now though, as you weren’t aloud your phone on the plane.

what an idiotic rule, you thought.

but perhaps it was better this way, as you could surprise zen with your return sooner than expected.

you gave into the tiredness that followed you around for the months prior, awakening to the speaker saying you’ve landed.

in your half awake state, you got off the plane and called for a cab.

it only took an hour to reach your destination, in which you got more sleep on the way there.

you thanked the driver before heading out, practically running to the front door.

you knocked, hoping to make zen believe you were only a door salesman or a mailman.

you heard some footsteps approaching behind the door in a hurried state, before the door opened and you were greeted with your future husband.

his expression changed in the speed of light once he quickly realized who you were.

you were met with a tight embrace, doubting if you could breath for a second.

zen pulled away not too long after, his excitement getting to him as he said “i didn’t think you were supposed to be home so soon!”

to that, you could only giggle as you admitted the reason behind your surprise.

zen was more than happy to see you home earlier than discussed before.

“this day is too important, we have to do something now!” zen said as he got dressed up to go out in the christmas weather.

with a small laugh, you agreed.

the rest of your day was spent going out to cafes and buying presents for the other rfa members.

and to your luck, the movie turned out a huge success.

not only in germany, but in korea as well.

things worked out for the best, you thought.

but one thing was for sure, you weren’t doing that again.

jaehee kang:

jaehee had brought up the idea of opening a cafe, to which you were 100% in on.

however, in korea you had to have a culinary certificate to own a cafe.

i dont know if thats legit or not i completely made that up

but if you had to get a certificate, you were going to get it in the best way you could.

and a college you had come across was perfect for that.

it was a good price and had a great reputation.

there was one problem however, and that was that it was located in france.

which was a 12 hour flight away from seoul.

you knew there was no opportunity like it, but you couldn’t stop yourself from being on the edge about it.

you didn’t want to leave your friends and family here for 2 years while you went off to another country on your own.

plus who knew if something would happen to you while you were aboard?

your concerns were slightly lessened after you brought up your worries to jaehee, and the encouragement she gave you was overwhelming.

she suggested for you to go for it and that she would hold everything down in seoul while helping the rfa in planning future parties.

on the upside, it would give her more time to save up more money for the opening just in cause it was needed.

with hesitation, you decided to go along with her words and study in france for some time.

you would miss each other, but you both knew it was what you two needed to ensure a sucessful future.

while you were aboard, jaehee would attend culinary classes in korea here and there.

you would keep in contact frequently, but never had the money to go back to seoul on holidays to reunite.

so once those two years had passed, you were out as fast as possible.

you loved france, but you loved your girlfriend more.

you hopped on the plane home, eager to see everyone again.

and once you arrived at the airport in seoul, the first thing you saw as you exited the plane was your girlfriend standing there, eyes focused on the doorway waiting for your arrival.

and once your eyes met, you were quick to run up to her while opening your arms to hug her strongly.

two years was such a long time to be apart, but all was well now.

shortly after, the two of you opened the cafe and were met with an incredible amount of support from the community and rfa.

now you were content to settle down in seoul with the love of your life.

jumin han:

you were very business driven, which jumin liked about you.

even having your own fashion company.

you were unlike many other women he had come across before in various ways.

but the downside to your business focused mind were your frequent business trips.

some would last a day while others would last a week.

though this recent one you were expected to take was unlike anything you had ever had to do before for work.

it suggested you stayed in china for a month as you worked out many business issues and proposals.

while your company had began trending recently, you had never expected this.

the first thing that came to your mind once reading the email was your husband.

you felt horrible when you had to leave him alone for a day, but a month?

you couldn’t even imagine how much that would hurt him.

however, this wasn’t something you could just refuse.

if you did, you weren’t sure if your company would continue standing.

and so later that night, you told jumin everything over wine.

how you didn’t want to but knew your company wouldn’t survive without it.

he didn’t know what to make of everything.

this came at the worst timing.

he needed to stay in korea for the time being for business, so he couldn’t join you in china either.

reluctantly, he supported you in your travels.

he understood your situation, but made you promise to call him every night.

which you had no problem with.

and so with a sad smile, you had left a few days later.

things were frustrating in beijing, but you at least had the comfort of your husbands voice to fall asleep to.

everyone at the office noticed jumins shift in mood as soon as your left.

yet without a voice of concern, things carried on as if nothing happened.

the day you were set to come back, jumin cancelled all plans to spend the day with you.

you needed to make up for the time the two of you lost, and you needed to rest in the comfort of your own home again.

thankfully, your company didn’t meet it’s downfall just yet.

in fact, it was now prospering.

saeyoung choi:

your day was going as it normally would.

well, as normal as a day with saeyoung can go.

yet it all changed when you got a call that your brother had gotten into a bad car accident, and the situation wasn’t looking good.

you didn’t know how to react, so many emotions and fears were overwhelming you.

you knew you were your brothers emergency contact, as he had no one else close to him in his life, so it was no question about why they called you while you were in seoul and he was in brazil.

but after learning about the situation, you quickly realized that you needed to get back to brazil as soon as possible.

they didn’t know how long he had left, and the remainder of his days would require for him to get help to do everyday things.

with your eyes barely spilling over, you told saeyoung everything.

you were met with a hug as he comforted you.

when you brought up the fact of needing to leave, he didn’t think twice before giving you his blessing (though he knew you didn’t need it).

it would be hard on him because he wouldn’t be able to join you as he was in an active mission, but he would keep in touch and make sure of your safety from countries away.

after all, he would do the same if saeran were in your brothers position.

the next day, you backed your flight to brazil, packing only what you needed.

your days in brazil passed in pain, as you watched your brother fight for his life daily.

until one day, his body gave up on him and he passed.

you were devastated.

you were on autopilot in public and breaking down in your hotel room when no one was around.

after attending your brothers funeral and a week of mourning, you began to book your ticket back to seoul.

yet in your state of heart ache, you didn’t realize the change in the countries health as the coronavirus started running through every town in the nation.

planes were unavailable and travel was banned.

now you were stuck here for the next 6 months, always hopping the next month would be better and you’d finally be able to go home.

saeyoung was on his toes all the time, not feeling the same without you.

and you missed him more and more as the days went on.

when the time finally came, you rushed to buy a ticket, though most people weren’t flying due to their fears surrounding the situation.

the plane was empty, allowing you to sneak your phone, sending a text to saeyoung.

“i’m on the plane home now” you typed.

saeyoung was overcome with joy to see your message.

though you had to isolate for 14 days, at least you were in the country and close to him.

once you got off the plane, went into isolation, and tested negative for covid, you ran to your shared home.

opening the door to be greeted with the same old smile that teased you every morning was a refreshing sight.

you ran up as he lifted you in a tight embrace, swaying you side to side in a wave of excitement.

after months of stress and anxiety, you could finally breath.

that realization alone was enough to make you burst out into tears of relief.

your feelings were contagious, as you saw saeyoungs eyes starting to water as well.

you were finally safe and sound in his protection, and that was all he could’ve asked for..

---

01:51 AST - 09/01/21

[wizkiddx]

...surprise

um okay so here I am trying angst again. this is kind of intended to be open ended bcos might have a part two at some point. im also lazy and has a few time jumps. also if someone could pls explain if you just get pics for the top of these off internet or credit on like gifs or something that’d be appreciated.

Summary: Tom comes home and everything is most definitely not the way he left, nor is it healthy

Warnings: please read with caution esp relationship with food / weightloss, but just generally a person in a bad bad head space, lots of self blame - then next parts will carry different warnings too

************************

Tom had been away for months. Months and months away from his girlfriend, separated entirely by his filming locations in Europe and America; while you were busy slowly and steadily climbing the ranks of your law firm. Being an intense period for the pair, you hadn’t managed to see each other in 2 and a half months.  Of course, both go you were used to this - 3 years deep into a relationship between an actor and a wanna-be lawyer- this was the name of the game.

But honestly? You both just kept falling deeper and deeper, making the separation harder to deal with - rather than getting used to it as one might hope.

That's why Tom felt such an incredibly overwhelming wave of relief as he dumped his bags just outside his front door. Even though he was exhausted from the travelling, just the mere act of finally phishing out his housekeys brought a massive grin to his face - caused particularly by the sight of his tacky little keyring from a Moroccan market that you’d bought him. That had been your first holiday. There’s that old saying that before you move in with someone go on holiday first - Tom understood it to mean you supposedly see all the bad and ugly stuff people can hide from each other, a prewiring before committing to living in the same space. However that holiday all he’d learned was incredible you are to him. To his dying day, Tom will never forget the moment he looked over to his left when the two of you were on this night time stargaze in the depth of the Moroccan desert. Y/n had never seen stars like it, the skies so incredibly clear and lit up with an array of magical blues and purples and whites on its sark background. The sight, for no unexplainable reason, had you completely opening up to Tom about things she’d never told a single soul. And in that moment he’d had this sort of realisation. Not about how much he loved her - because that is just the cliche thing everyone says… and also just wasn’t true.

In that moment he’d rather realised the potential. The sort of ‘I’m not there yet but I know you could become the centre of my universe’. The sort of ‘I’m not ready to say this yet, but I want to spend my life with you’. The sort of ‘at some point in my life I’m not sure my heart will be able to beat without yours’.

He still hadn’t quite got to explicitly saying all that yet, by asking you for the ultimate commitment. But he planned to now he was coming back to you.

Even with the chill of the early evening winter air, Tom was almost ecstatic as he unlocked the door and let himself in. He hadn’t told you that he was coming home, you thought he had another two weeks on the job, but Tom was a bit of an old romantic - he loved seeing your eyes fill with wonder as he surprised you in whatever way. Sometimes it was as simple as a note on the fridge, or a small bouquet from behind his back or as fancy as a surprise holiday.

However, this time, though it was only 6 in the evening, all the lights of their house were off making Tom raise an eyebrow as he quietly slipped off his shoes - not wanting to scare Y/n just in case.

Tom had sworn when he’d been on the phone with you the previous day, you didn’t have any plans tonight but perhaps maybe a spontaneous pub trip and been offered with work colleagues. The house felt a little cold as he padded through it, poking his head into every room just to check Y/n wasn’t there. His last port of call was the bedroom.

By this point, Tom was pretty resigned on the fact you were out and he’d maybe cook a meal for when you got back or hide about the house or something. But instead, when he poked his head around this door, he sighed in delight at the sight of a still mound under the plush white sheets. For a brief moment, Tom paused, before tiptoeing steadily round to her bedside. The light was still off but the hallway light illuminated the room enough so he could make out your soft features and the messy ball of hair that had been haphazardly thrown in a bun. Furthermore, he could also notice in the light the packet of painkillers and migraine tablets lying opened on the bedside - which made him freeze. Y/n didn’t get migraines often at all, but when she did Tom knew just how bad they could be. That explained the fact you were spark out at six o’clock, making Tom give a sympathetic smile. He crept back out the room with a little spring in his step, deciding that since he had had a long day travelling he'd grab a snack and join you. Unfortunately though, when he enthusiastically yanked the fridge open the sight was a rather depressing one. He didn’t really know what he was craving but the fridge contents were of almost no use to anyone. The place was bloody baron, apart from a tub of butter and of course his special beers that Y/n would never dare touch. With a small huff though, Tom resigned himself to some bread and butter, before getting ready for bed.

It was probably an hour later when Tom was carefully crawling under the duvet to settle in beside Y/n after the disappointing snack and maybe a solitary ‘welcome home beer’ - it would be rude not to. God was he excited to just have his girlfriend in his arms again though. So, Tom naturally reached over and powerfully yet gently pulled you back towards him - making your back flush with his as you mumbled something incoherent. Chuckling slightly at your apparent annoyance of being disturbed, Tom pressed a kiss to her temple before settling down momentarily.

But something wasn’t quite right, making Tom shuffle about a bit - ever adjusting huis grasp on your waist as he attempted to get comfy. With the migraine medications forcing you into a deep deep sleep you barely stirred and that just made the unease increase for Tom. Because you didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Ever so slowly Tom started to peel back the duvet from your body from his now sitting upright position. Typically, Y/n was wearing one of his hoodies, however more concerningly it seemed to pool and collect around your frame more than normal.

Now, Y/n was never the most petite person in the world - by no means overweight, instead of beautiful curves and muscle. To Tom now though, it was as if someone had literally shrunk you - like a picture on a word document you needed to make narrower to fit the margins. Even in the dim light of the bedroom he know realised you looked pale. Honestly, Tom didn’t know how long he just sat there staring at you, until you sighed a little and pulled the duvet back up to just under your chin.

He didn’t know what to think or do. All he knew was you didn’t look well and that you hadn’t said a thing to him. Feeling so very uncomfortable within himself, Tom climbed out the bed and simultaneously grabbed his phone. He knew he had to call someone, to check that you hadn’t been ill - but then who to call? Someone that wouldn’t judge or instantly worry- your mum was completely off the cards. Also, he hadn’t even given you the chance to explain yet, so really he knew there was only a couple of options who were close enough to him too.

“Hey what’s up?” “Um nothing much, back in the UK though so-“ “Oh shit really! Kept that one quite bro” “Yeh well came back to surprise Y/n” “Oh you're soooo whipped” “Fuck off Haz, have you um… have you seen her recently anyway?” “You're asking me if I’ve seen your girl while you’ve been away?” “I’m being serious. You’re pretty much brother and sister and I’m -I’m a bit worried.” “What? You know she wouldn’t cheat especially with me” Haz’s tone turned less serious, using a goofy accent “ I know too much.” Haz still attempted to lighten the mood, this conversation very unexpected and making him grow more and more concerned himself. “Haz quit it. I’m worried she’s been ill. I’ve come in and she’s asleep with a migraine but there’s no food in the fridge and she’s skinny as hell.” “Fuck er sorry I didn’t realise. But um no she’s been cancelling on us for the past like two weeks cos like…I don’t know said she was just snowed under at the firm so” “But before then?” “No yeh she was fine. Went to the pub a couple times and she always drove so didn’t drink but nothing weird - think she wanted to keep a clear head. What are you thinking?” “I don’t know to be honest mate. She seemed fine on the phone but I swear to god she looks half the size  of what she was when I left.” “Just talk to her in the morning? She probably is just stressed if work has been mad busy.” Tom hummed in agreement, half trying to convince himself too. “Yeh yeh, sorry for bothering you.” “Oh shut up mate - I’ll see you both at your parents for the roast tomorrow? Sams got some new recipe I think, he’s been wittering on about it for days.” “Yeh we’ll be there, see you then mate.” 

After signing off to Haz, Tom placed his phone on the little table on the upstairs hallway and sighed. He knew he was being over-protective but he couldn’t help it. Y/n was always the one to care for him, in fact to care for everybody int he room and then some.

He’d get to the bottom of whatever this was tomorrow, and so the rest of the evening Tom spent rather unhappily get ready before bed yet again before climbing back in next to you.

///////////////////////////

Tom woke before you, a combination of jet lag and the worry in the pit of his stomach meaning he stirred awake first. Instinctively he pulled you closer and nuzzled his nose into the side of your neck as he slowly began to wake up properly - shrugging off the grogginess. Tom was still really excited for you to realise he was back, predicting you  to excitedly hug him ever so tight and then spend the morning between the sheets. He knew you found the distance tough, especially when all your closest friends were coupled off, it meant you just didn’t have ‘your person’. It was almost as if you were single again and instead of pining over an ex, hopelessly and completely in love with someone across the globe. But that just made your time together even more invaluable and precious.

So even with his slight unease at your slimmer silhouette, Tom didn't have any control over the loopy grin that came to his face as you started to stir and mumble something incoherent, all the while (and subconsciously) inching closer towards him. By the slight fluttering under your eyelid, Tom knew you were waking up and so took the moment to tuck your frizzy bed hair behind your ear. Sighing contently Y/n’s eyes fluttered completely open and Tom met your gaze with the most gently of smiles.

However, he then watched moment by moment as your expression morphed for one of peacefulness and content, through confusion, and ending at pure terror. He had barely thought of asking you why, before you yelped, throwing yourself up into a sitting position and backing as far away on the bed as you could from Tom. “TOM... I-you can’t be here! YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!” “Y/n hey what’s wrong-“ “GET OUT! G-GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU CAN’T BE HERE” you  yanked the bedsheets to completely cover your huddled up body, as if trying to protect yourself. At this point, tears were streaming down your face and what truly terrified Tom was the expression of horror in your eyes. He threw his hands in the air and unsteadily stumbled to his feet. “O-okay I’m-“ “GET OUT!!! YOU CAN'T SEE ME GET OUT!” Completely bemused and shocked, Tom just nodded jerkily -already halfway out the door and accidentally slamming it in haste.

He had absolutely zero clue what that was about. But what he knew for a fact? He’d never ever seen you like that… you looked so completely terrified… of him? Tom couldn’t for the life of him work out what the hell was going on, as he paced from the shut door to the hallway wall and back again, running his hand through his hair throughout. He could hear you sobbing and whisper yelling - presumably at yourself. It felt as though his heart was being torn out, seeing you that upset and it appearing as his fault? He was acting on pure instinct and adrenalin because your pain hurt him too. He had no control of the physiological response in his body, making his hands shake and breathing increase in speed as it inversely got shallower too.

And so he took a short inhalation, biting his bottom lip as he knocked on the door. “Y/n?….” He got no response after waiting a couple of seconds so tried again - because he could hear you trying to stifle your sobs. After another two failed attempts he opted for a different approach. “Y/n… I’m worried about you… look, I know your upset right now but I need you to let me know your okay… or I’ll have to come in and…and I don’t want to spook you” “Don’t come in.” It was a sharp reply, with a voice that was cracked and clearly trying to keep It together. “Okay… I-I’m sorry if my surprise of coming home was a dumb idea…I-I’ve missed you.” Tom tried speaking softly, as he knelt down and sat with this back against the wall while nervously fiddling with his watch strap that he’d forgot to take off last night. Again he waited for a response but got nothing, again having to warn you he needed to know you were okay. He heard movements from the other side of the door, making him turn his head to the left, pressing his ear on the cool gloss paint. “I-I’m sorry” You barely were whispering, but Tom could sense you were now sitting in a position mirroring his “You don’t meed to apologise love” Returning her tone, Tom sighed at the end - trying to get his brain to process what was going on.

Y/n wasn’t one to overreact and Tom could count on one hand the number of serious fights they’d had in the three year romance. And even then, he was the one to raise his voice - when she argued it was more reasoned, slow and controlled. Actually it was one of the things that in those moments infuriated him even more - you were just so level headed and sensible. Scratch that, sensible purely in this context - everywhere else you were just as loopy as him. So this situation felt so very alien. He didn’t know how to help you and he bloody hated feeling useless.

After a few moments, you replied to apologise once again, for shouting specifically,  and Tom nodded - not that you could see. But that was one of the things Y/n had taught him, sometimes you just have accept things - no matter the context. Accept he wasn’t actually a superhero and couldn’t do everything, accept that sometimes he could be a dick and out of line or accept an apology.

“Can you.. can you try and tell me why your upset? I want to help.” He was trying to be gentle, non-confrontational. But he knew something was so wrong. He needed to know so he could try and help out. “I…”Y/n began, but quickly trailed off, as if trying to formulate the words properly. “I’ve just been ill and” again another pause “and I haven’t been looking after myself very well. I just planned to be umm- to be better when you got back.”

It wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t really the truth either, at least not the whole truth. But it wasn’t a lie.

“I’m not sure I understand why your so worried about what I think though?” Tom inquired, as he started to fiddle with the door handle in his left hand - as if easing the idea of coming into his girlfriend without scaring you. In reply, you sighed again trying to put the words together without explicitly spelling it out to him. “I don’t- I thought you’d just be disappointed or-or think I’m reliant on you. I’m not and I can handle myself I just…. I don’t know.” “I love you, you idiot.”Tom chuckled at that, while standing up. “Can I come in now please? I promise I’m not disappointed just want to help you feel better.”

The door opened and no sooner could Tom take a step forward than Y/n ran into his chest, wrapping herself tightly around him in apology. He knew that he didn’t have the full story but really didn’t want to push her, more preferring to just love her. So that’s what they spent the rest of the morning doing, in their pyjamas and watching TV. Quite obviously, she wasn’t really making a lot of conversation, Tom filled some gaps with talking about filming - to which she’d hum in agreement or chuckle along. But for the most part Y/n was concentrating on something else.

The all-consuming guilt. That was what was eating away at her.

part 2?

[space-helen]

Where Have You Been? - Chapter 3

Words: 2277

Pairing: Jack Thompson x reader

A/N: I think the transition between scenes is a lil messy so I need to work on that but I hope you enjoy! I think this is going to be the longest part :)

PART 1 - CH1     CH2    CH3    CH4    CH5

PART 2 - CH6     CH7     CH8    CH9    CH10

PART 3 - CH11  CH12  CH13

___________________________

“So you’re getting along pretty well then?” Sousa’s voice carried down the phone.

“You could say that yeah. She’s really good at her job, Sousa, I have no clue why she didn’t join the SSR sooner.”

“She’s been with you just over a week, calm down. She’ll open up eventually I’m sure.”

“I don’t get it. She’s a really good person too. Carter was right, she's one of the good one’s for sure.”

“Are you sweet on her Chief?” The line stayed quiet as Jack hesitated “You are, aren't you?” Daniel was teasing the man, from what Jack had told him about the woman he definitely was, he wouldn’t just sit in his office and talk while working through cases with just anyone.

“Whatever you say Sousa.”

The gym was empty, only the sounds of Jack and Y/N sparring could be heard. Jack stood and wiped his brow “That all you got Y/L/N?” 

You walked towards him slowly “nope, plenty more where that came from.” The two of you had been spending a lot of time together recently but you had to admit you had no idea how you found yourself here in the SSR gym practicing combat with that man.

Jack smiled before running towards you slightly bent over and aiming for your waist, you leant over the man and grabbed his waist as you kicked his legs out from under him and forced him to the floor. “I learnt that one last year.”

“Oh yeah?” he questioned from his position on the floor.

Thinking the session was over you began to walk away with a smile on your face until you felt a hand on your ankle pulling you to the floor before Jack sat with his legs either side of your body to keep you down. “Never turn your back.”

“I thought we were done.” you sat up and leant back on your arms.

“Just because I got one up on you.” he laughed

“Yeah one up, so the score is Chief 1 Agent 3. I think I win.” You tapped Jack's leg and he quickly stood up putting a hand out for you to grab. “This isn’t a trick is it? I’m not going to take your hand and you’re gonna throw me to the other side of the room?”

He rolled his eyes “no it’s not.” taking his hand you pulled yourself to your feet. 

The two of you left the room together, it was late and the SSR was dead, the only people in the building were the night shift team and a couple of scientists. You quickly got changed before going to your desk to grab your things. You were slipping your coat onto your arms when you heard Jack approach your desk.

“Need a ride home?”

“It’s alright I only live around the corner.” you began to walk towards the exit, the man matching your steps. 

“It's late and dark out. Let me drive you.”

“I can take care of myself Jack.” 

“You don’t think I know that?”

Smiling you stopped in the doorway and stared at the raindrops falling harshly into puddles, you could have sworn it hadn’t been raining earlier. “Actually I’m going to take you up on that lift home.”

“What Agent Y/L/N is scared of a little rain?”

“Shut up Jack.” the man led you to his car and opened the passenger's side door for you. The car ride was swift and he was soon pulled up outside of your house. “Thanks Jack. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early.” you quickly ran to your front door and let yourself in, Jack watched you and pulled away as you closed your door. 

The morning had been hectic to say the least, almost as soon as you walked into the SSR you were leaving with a team again. Another tip off had led you to a house with a handful of suspects inside. The house was dark and dingy, abandoned with the clear smell of damp. It sounded empty but it didn’t take long for you to search the building to find no one. Whilst you were inside the house someone had slashed the tyres on every vehicle that you’d brought with you.

That’s how you found yourself here sitting in Jack’s office batting ideas back and forth with your lunch. 

“They see us as a threat, they just wanted to scare us.”

“Well they’re going to need to do a lot more than that to scare us.” He winked as he took a bite of his sandwich

“Don’t tempt fate. They’re obviously not scared to take action” 

Jack opened the file on his desk and started to flip through it. “Mr Martin had been accused of selling information to the other side. Why would he do that?”

“That’s nothing compared to…” you paused and hesitated “Not everyone’s as loyal to their country as you think.”

Jack sat forward in his chair and put his sandwich down on the paper wrapping. “Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure” 

“Will you give me an honest response?”

“I’ll try my best.” you straightened up slightly in your chair

“What were you doing after the war? It’s killing me not knowing what you were doing for two years. You keep making these little comments here and there so I know you weren’t taking a two year holiday.”

You sighed and relaxed “I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“Carter said that she wouldn’t tell me what you were doing and that I should just ask but there was nothing in your file and I didn’t want to push for information but…where have you been?”

“It’s ok. It does look a little suspicious doesn’t it?” you smiled and the man anxiously laughed. “Well first of all I definitely wasn’t on holiday or taking a break, far from it. Before I went to war I was engaged to be married, a long term boyfriend called William, we’d known each other since we were children.”

Jack felt guilty he almost immediately thought he knew where this was going “Y/N I’m so sorry it must have been hard-.”

You smiled with slight pain “It’s not what you think. He didn’t die in the war. I guess you think you know people.” you took in a breath “he’d been fighting for a while, since the beginning he was one of the first to be drafted. He came back on a brief leave for reasons unknown at the time. There wasn’t an explanation as to why he came home. He just turned up to visit me at work one day, I worked with Peggy code breaking. I told him I’d been recruited into the S.O.E and he didn’t care one bit. He didn’t seem upset or excited. Most people’s partners would have tried to stop them.He knew I was going to possibly be killed but-” 

Jack’s eyes were focussed on you and filled with sympathy “Long story short he left to come back to the front and I left for the S.O.E. We sent a couple of letters back and forth but he seemed uninterested which I didn’t take offence too we were fighting a war after all. Near the end of the war when raiding a hydra base I came across documents and files and I spotted a file about William I opened it up and his picture was paperclipped inside and it had lots of German documents in, letters from William in German and English to Hydra talking about strategies, equipment, locations, codes and anything else you could think of. I couldn’t grab the file but I reported it as soon as we were back at camp. There wasn’t sufficient evidence though so nothing happened and he came back from the war and acted like nothing had happened.”

“He was giving Hydra intel?”

“Yep and more than that. I stayed engaged to him but I was actually undercover, we continued to investigate him and he still carried on working for Hydra. It turns out his trip to see me at work was to actually look at code and our progress. He was also killing our soldiers off slowly. Anyone who was a threat he murdered. We spent a long time following him and collecting evidence then I was tasked with questioning him. I do admit I threw a couple of punches. He gave up everything, even how I was a target from very early on and I was lucky to be alive. He’d been approached by Hydra early on and apparently he agreed with their beliefs. After that we spent some time tracking down some other Hydra members he’d exposed. I then took some time off and Peggy told me about the SSR, and now I’m here… suffice to say the engagement is off.” 

Jack stayed silent with his mouth agape and shock in his eyes.

“Don’t you dare pity me Chief Thompson.” You casually leant forward and took a bite of your sandwich. 

“No wonder that isn’t in your file. I’m guessing it’s entirely classified work.”

You nodded and pointed at him “Yeah so don’t go telling people. Only the team I was working with, plus Peggy and Sousa know. Howard might know too he helped us out a little.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t die and that you’re here. I have to admit when you first started working here I was a little angry you didn’t join sooner but from what I just heard, you were a lot busier than we’ve been.” he smiled at you, his eyes lighting up.

A tap on his office door is what made him look away from you. “Chief you’re wanted in the interrogation room.”

“Alright, I’m coming.” 

“I’ll get to work looking at those photos.” You picked up your sandwich and quickly moved to your desk, sliding the file in front of you and opening it up. The file of photos started out pretty boring, just generic shots of the building you were at this morning. The longer you stared at them the more you could see. Little bits of information here and there which told you more about the building and the organisation. 

Broken glass on the floor, it looked new and like it’d come from a champagne bottle. Cigarette butts here and there, they’d clearly had some sort of social gathering in this building. 

The ringing of a phone brought you out of your focus. Looking around the room you noticed it was coming from Jack’s office, none of the other Agents seemed to care as it continued to ring. Standing up you quickly moved into his office and answered the call. “Chief Thompson’s office”

“Now you don’t sound like Chief Thompson.”

“Amazing work Sousa with skills like that you’ll be Chief in no time.” you teased.

You heard him laugh “Y/L/N how’ve you been? Settling into New York alright?”

Daniel’s voice got quieter as you heard someone snatch the phone out of his hand and some light bickering. “Y/N?”

“Hello” you smiled at the sound of Peggy’s voice

“You liking the SSR?”

“It’s a change of speed to say the least but I’m glad you recruited me.”

“I heard that Thompson got you out on cases pretty quick. Sounds like he’s changed, he’s taken to you pretty well.”

“I was on phone duty for a little bit but he soon changed his mind… Anyway this probably isn’t a social call, is there anything you want me to pass onto Jack?”

“We’re coming over to help with the case and to take some much needed holiday. We just need to finish up this case here and we’ll be there to lend a hand.”

“Coming over to help with the case doesn’t sound like you’re planning on taking any holiday leave.”

“The faster we close the case the faster we get a break.” she stated and you could hear Sousa laughing in the background.

“I’ll let Jack know. I’d better go, some of the other Agents are starting to look judgemental.”

“See you soon Y/N.”

“Back at you.” you hung up the phone and moved back to your desk, Agent Sanchez’s eyes were on you. “Sanchez, would you like a picture of me to stare at instead? I can probably get one for you?” you turned to look at the man as the rest of the room stopped in shock to see that you’d just called him out.

“No thank you miss Y/L/N”

“That’s Agent Y/L/N thank you.”

“Way to go Sanchez. You’re such an idiot” Agent Spencer remarked, clapping a hand down onto the young Agent’s shoulder. 

Time passed quickly and you could hear Jack’s voice approaching the bullpen. As he passed your desk he stopped, a smile on his face as he leant down slightly “How do you feel about grabbing some dinner tonight? On me?”

“Like a date?”

“Shh not so loud. But yeah.” his eyes sparkled at he looked into yours

“Well if you’re buying I can’t turn it down.” 

“Alright, wait for me after shift and I’ll take you somewhere nice.” you smiled as he tapped your desk and pushed off away to his office.

“Chief?”

“Yeah?” he turned to look at you, his smile infectious.

“You had a phone call from Chief Sousa, him and Carter are coming down to help with the case.” 

His face dropped “What’s Sousa playing at?”

You shrugged and turned back to work, hearing Jack’s footsteps move away before the click of his office door closing.

Next Chapter

Tag List: (open)

Jack Thompson: @fandomsandxfiles @itsmissdahliahayward @vintagelavenderskies @britishcorporal @ravennaofasgard @spunky-89 @darkusangelus96

All Marvel: @marvelsangels

[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 2: Chapter 1

Saint Lucia & NYC: January 2016

Word count: 2.6k

PART 1

SkyFire 2 MASTERLIST

CW/TW consider this a standing warning for this entire series. Aurora has PTSD and severe damage to her left hand after being involved in a mass shooting during Part 1. The ramifications of that come up quite often in the early chapters of Part 2

>Instagram posts 

Aurora spent the first day of the new year in surgery, once again working to piece her left hand back together. She had undergone 3 surgeries in as many months to repair the horrific damage that had been caused to her hand and she’d long since stopped paying attention to the surgeons. Instead she just let her fathers hyper-focus on the details of every procedure, but she was pretty sure she remembered them saying that the focus of this latest operation was to repair the muscles and reattach them to the correct place in her hand which was still mostly made of plates and screws. She very rarely took the brace off but when she did, the vast web of scar tissue stretching across her skin made her stomach roll and pitch. She had been trying not be shallow about it but she couldn’t help but hope that when the surgeons were finished cutting her open over and over again, that a plastic surgeon would be able to do something about the scarring like they were planning to do with skin grafts on her shoulder masking the bullet wound that had ripped through her skin there.

When she awoke in the hospital, Harry was waiting patiently by her side, with Tony and Steve nearby as they always were. Since the band’s final performance before Christmas, Harry had barely left her side, for which Aurora was intensely grateful. Having his comforting presence next to her every night had kept the nightmares at bay and she had actually found herself able to enjoy the holiday season, much to her own surprise. She was able to go home the day after the surgery once the surgeon had once again run through the extensive list of post-op procedures for her to follow.

They had a big family dinner the night after the surgery celebrating Aurora’s 21st birthday a few days early before Harry whisked them away to spend 2 weeks in Saint Lucia, soaking up the sunshine.

xXx

They arrived late in the afternoon and caught a cab from the small airport to the beach side cottage Harry had rented for their stay. They were both tied from travelling and decided to curl up together on the sofa and watch movies instead of heading out to explore.

When she woke the next morning, she was alone in the bed, bright sunshine streaming in through the open windows and the sound of the nearby waves filling the small house. She climbed out of bed, throwing Harry’s discarded shirt over her and padded out towards the kitchen where she could hear soft music playing.

“Morning,” she mumbled, wrapping her arms around his waist as he stood at the stove, flipping pancakes. She kissed across his bare shoulders as she tried to wake up fully.

“Morning, love,” Harry replied, moving the pan off the heat so that he could turn around in her arms and kiss her softly. “How d’you sleep?”

“The best I have in weeks,” she replied with a yawn, letting go of him to head to the fridge and pour them both a glass of orange juice. She sat down at the island bench while Harry finished putting together their breakfast and then they both walked outside to the little table and chairs set up on the patio, looking out over the beach.

“It’s so beautiful here,” Harry said after he swallowed the first bite of his pancake.

“It’s perfect,” Rori agreed. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

“Had to make your 21st special,” Harry smiled. “Want to head down to the water after breakfast?”

“Absolutely.”

They chatted aimlessly as they ate, staring out across the waves and soaking up the early morning sunshine. Once they finished eating, they took the dishes to the sink and then Aurora headed into the bathroom to change into her swimsuit. Harry slipped into his yellow shorts and threw on a white t-shirt, then started to rub sunscreen on his arms and legs while he waited for Rori. She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, her hair up in a messy bun, a light blue one piece covering the scars on her stomach. Without a word, she stepped in front of where he sat on the edge of the bed and he rubbed sunscreen across her shoulders and down her arms. He didn’t say anything when he saw that the brace was still in place on her arm, instead continuing down to cover her legs as well.

“All done,” he said, lightly slapping her arse and causing her to jump and let out a squeak. He stood up, grabbing two towels to leave on the patio and started to head for the door.

“Wait,” Rori called out before he stepped outside. “Before we go out…” She took a deep breath and Harry quickly walked back towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders as she steadied herself. “I can’t go in the water with the brace on,” she finally said. “But before I show you, I just need to warn you that it looks really bad Harry.”

“It’s ok,” Harry promised. “You can show me.”

She took another deep breath before unstrapping the brace and removing it. Harry reached towards her hand, stopping when his fingers were nearly touching her.

“May I?” He asked, looking up and searching her face for any hint of distress.

She nodded quickly. “Just be gentle,” she whispered.

His fingers ghosted over her skin, tracing the spiderweb of scars across the back her hand, up across her wrist and onto her forearm. The newest incision from the surgery she’d gone through earlier in the week was covered by an opaque plastic bandage. He traced the edge of it with the tips of his fingers.

“It’s waterproof,” Rori explained. “Dr Walker said it will be fine in the ocean, but I’ve got a spare one in case I have to swap it over before we leave.”

“Does it hurt when I do this?” Harry asked, tearing his eyes away from her hand to look back at her face.

“No.” She smiled softly back at him. “It feels amazing to not be hiding anything from you anymore.”

“I love you,” he replied, kissing her deeply. “Now there’s a beach out there with our name on it.”

They both grabbed their sunglasses off the kitchen counter, then headed out through the door and straight down into the waves. The bright sunshine had warmed the water and Rori smiled brightly as she sank down until only her head was left above the surface.

They spent the next two weeks sunning themselves on the beach, swimming in the ocean and wrapped up in each other’s arms. The warmth helped chase away the aches in Rori’s shoulder and spending everyday laying out in sun beside the beautiful Caribbean waters was exactly what they both needed to relax and unwind after an exhausting year. Harry rented a boat for them for Aurora’s birthday and they’d spent the day sailing around the island. On one of the other days they hiked into the rainforest. It was a beautiful trip and Harry loved seeing a constant smile on Rori’s face, but before either of them liked, the two weeks were over, and they headed back to New York. When they returned from the Caribbean, Aurora went back to her surgeon for a follow up appointment.

xXx

Harry sat beside her as they waited in the Doctors office, holding her hand. Thankfully they didn’t have to wait too long before Dr Walker entered the room, she was surprised to notice that Aurora wasn’t joined by either of her fathers but rather by a young man she assumed was the elusive fiancé she had heard about but not yet met.

“Good to see you again, Aurora,” she said when she took her seat in front of them, her desk was set against the far wall allowing her more space in the small room. “How are you today?”

“Good to see you too, Dr Walker,” Rori smiled. “I’m really good. This is Harry.”

“The illusive fiancé?” she asked as he shook her hand.

“The one and only,” Rori chuckled, a slight blush colouring her cheeks.

“How was your birthday?” Dr Walker asks. “You’re looking very tanned.”

“It was wonderful, Harry took me down to Saint Lucia for the last 2 weeks. We only got back yesterday.”

“That would explain why you asked about salt water when I last saw you,” she laughed. “How was the hand while you were away?”

“It was ok. “Aurora shrugged. “I had to change out the bandage after about a week, but I made sure the stiches stayed dry the whole time. It’s still hurts if I try to move my fingers, but I think the warm weather helped. My shoulder feels better than it’s been in months.”

“That all sounds good,” the doctor nodded. “I’m planning to look at your knuckles when I next operate so that should help with the pain and we’ll get you in to physical therapy in a month or two to start getting things moving a little bit.”

“That would be great,” Rori nodded. The Doctor wheeled her chair closer to Rori then, asking for her hand and removing the brace and bandages to inspect the most recent wound. Aurora winced when she pressed on a certain spot and Harry squeezed her other hand.

“Everything looks to be healing nicely,” she said after a few minutes. “I’ll have a nurse remove the stitches and rebandage it before you head home.”

“Thank you,” Rori replied, resting her hand back in her lap.

“Now I hope you don’t mind but I’ve been talking with Dr Forster and since I know you hate surgery days, we thought we might combine the next one for your hand with your skin graft surgery.”

“Really, you can do that?” Aurora asked excitedly. “That’s sounds so great!”

“Skin grafts?” Harry asked, speaking up for the first time since greeting the doctor.

“We are going to use skin from Aurora’s forearm to try to smooth out some of the scarring on her shoulder,” Dr Walker explained. “I’m looking at early February for our next surgery, does that work for you?”

“I’m going to London at the start of February,” Aurora replied, looking to Harry and smiling.

“We can come back a little early,” Harry said. “Like maybe around the 4th or 5th?”

“Let’s pencil it in for the 7th?” the doctor asked.

“Ok,” Rori nodded, excited to finally have her scarring addressed, but overall, not enthused by the prospect of another surgery.

“Excellent,” Dr Walker replied. “Know let’s get a nurse to get those stitches out and then you can go back to enjoying the rest of your day.”

xXx

Harry stayed in New York for another week after the appointment with Aurora’s surgeon before he had to fly to London for meetings. Aurora decided to stay behind in New York, and the two made plans for her to join him at the end of the week for his birthday.

xXx

With Harry in London for meetings all week, Aurora decided to finally head down to her art studio for the first time in months. It was a cold January day, but the sky was clear, and the sun streamed in through the massive floor to ceiling windows in the studio, warming the room and bringing a smile to Rori’s face as she set up a canvas on her easel.

Aurora threw down her paint brush in frustration. She hadn’t even been in the studio an hour and she had already spilt her paints 3 separate times. With her left hand still wrapped up in its brace, she was struggling to stabilize her palette on the worktable she had dragged over next to her easel. Angry tears stung her eyes and she found all her inspiration for the half-finished canvas in front of her evaporating. She left the room in a huff, turning towards her music studio down the hall in the hopes of channelling her bubbling emotions into her other avenue of art. She lasted barely 20 minutes in the studio, struggling to utilize any of the instruments with only one hand, before her anger intensified beyond her control.

“Sir? Captain? It appears that Miss Stark is quite destressed in her recording studio and she may have reinjured her left hand.”

Tony’s head snapped up at JARVIS’s announcement, his eyes locking with Steve’s across the workshop. He saw his own concern mirrored on his husbands face as they both lurched to their feet and rushed from the room.

A chair smashed against the wall when they entered the recording studio that Tony had built for their daughter, and said daughter was crying hysterically in the middle of the room, clutching her injured hand to her chest. Damaged instruments scattered the room and sheet music had be thrown across the floor. They both rushed towards her, Tony reached her first and wrapped his arms around her from behind as she screamed wordlessly, sobbing as her legs gave out, his grip the only thing keeping her on her feet. Steve joined them a moment later, adding his arms to the hug and sandwiching the young woman between them both. They sank to the floor together as her screams died down and her sobbing lessened. Nobody spoke as she continued to shake in their arms, her face pressed into Steve shoulder.

“What happened baby?” Steve asked softly after her breath finally began to even out.

At first, she didn’t answer, but when she did her voice was hoarse and cracked.

“I wanted to work,” she explained in barely more than a whisper. “I had lyrics in my head, and I wanted to get it out, but I can’t.” Her tears returned then, coating her cheeks and staining Steve’s shirt. “I can’t play anymore, and I couldn’t even keep the paper from sliding around when I tried to write.”

“JARVIS said you hurt your hand,” Steve said, reaching out to as if to touch the hand through its brace.

“I think I hit it when I through the bass at the wall,” she admitted guiltily. “I’m sorry dad,” she added, finally lifting her head to look at Tony over her shoulder. “I didn’t mean to trash everything. I just got so angry.”

“It’s ok kiddo,” Tony promised. “We can replace all of this. I’m just worried about you.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now,” she admitted. “I can’t play. I can’t write. Painting is so hard without being able to hold the palette and I can’t get my sketchbook to stay still on the table to sketch. What am I supposed to do with my life?”

“I don’t know baby,” Steve said, not wanting to lie to her. “But we’ll work it out, ok?”

“The surgeon said my hand will never be the same, no matter how many more surgeries I have,” Rori reminded the two men and then she whispered a sentence they both instantly knew would haunt them for months. “Sometimes I wish I’d died that day.”

“Please don’t say that baby,” Tony begged. “We’ll help you figure this out. I promise it won’t always hurt like this.”

Between the two of them, Tony and Steve managed to calm her down and the three of them made their way back upstairs and curled up on the sofa together to watch a movie.

NEXT CHAPTER 

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[wxyvision]

Dear First Love {2/4}

Genre: angst, fluff?

Word count: 1,935

Part one here

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Dear first love,

I don’t know what I was expecting. I was, of course, hoping that you would be there to see the performance, but I also can’t expect you to be there. You were probably busy practicing, right? Or perhaps you just didn’t want to come, which is fine too! You didn’t have to. I think it went well! I think Guanheng and Mark got some good photos of it if you wanted to see them. Many people said that they enjoyed the performance, or at least that’s what the boys said, they may have been just hyping it up for me though! How was your week? I imagine it was tiring, no? It looked like you had bags under your eyes at lunch. Please rest well, my little chicken wing. You worry me when you don’t look after yourself! I enjoyed spending time with you and some of the boys, though. You waved at me so cutely, I thought my heart would burst. Ahh, our friends would never let me live it down if they knew I wrote such cheesy words for you. I really mean it, though. What were you doing smiling at me so brightly? Is it your intention to kill me off? Especially when I continue to “protect” you from everyone’s affection. I wonder if you’ll be at Donghyuk’s birthday party next Friday, I assume so. To be honest, me and him aren’t even that close and I was invited, so I can only assume you will be too. If not, I will invite you! You can eat some more delicious cake and play some more games, although if any kissing comes up, I think I will sit those games out after last time. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, I just don’t want to make things weird between us. I hope maybe you'll be there?

Your little dumpling

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dear first love,

The past couple of months have been crazy, haven’t they? Did you enjoy Donghyuk’s party? I was so anxious about inviting you, but you told me that you’d already been invited anyway. Oops! I think the both of us ate a lot, there were a lot of tasty snacks, after all. I’m glad that we got to speak a lot at the party, it was good to talk more to you and to ge to know one another more. I hope that we will only get closer as the months pass. At least no one had to kiss each other, although Donghyuk did dare Johnny to lick the carpet. At least Kun was there to stop him from actually doing it, who knows what bacteria is on that boy’s floor! You really didn’t have to come with Mark when he walked me back home.. but I’m glad you did. Even if it was a little awkward because I was trying so hard not to smile too much at you, I’m glad. Can you believe that it’s already been a year since we first met? It feels as though we only met a month ago. How did the dance competition go, by the way? I saw a video of part of your performance, you were amazing! Even though I’d already seen you dance before, I was still blown away by your talent. I bet you did really well. I do wish I could have been there watching and cheering you on, but I was too nervous to ask you if I could go along. The last thing I’d want is for you to think I’m a weirdo.. Anyway, I heard that you saw the pictures from my performance. What did you think? I am slightly worried that Mark may have taken some unflattering photos of me just to embarrass me, please forget that image of me! 

Your little dumpling

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dear first love,

I have to do a project with some of the boys, and I’m a little nervous because I don’t know them well but they must be good people if you’re friends with them, right? We have a couple of girls on our team that I’ve never spoken to before, too. I think they’re only there for Lucas, though, cause they keep giving him heart eyes.. but then again, so does Jungwoo! :D I also recently got to meet your friend Yangyang for the first time. Isn’t he cute?? Not quite cuter than you, though, my little chicken wing. You’re the cutest of all. Oh! How could I forget? It’s your birthday soon! I heard that it’s probably going to be a joint party for you and Yuta. I want to get you a present but I don’t know if you want one from me. Ahh, I’ll just get one anyway. It’s the sentiment that matters above anything, after all. If I don’t get invited I’ll still see you on your birthday and I’ll wish you a happy birthday! You’re another year older to no longer being a ‘little’ chicken wing hehe. I bet you’ll have lots of fun, the others really know how to throw a good party. I wish they could throw a party for mine. As much as I loved having Guanheng and Mark singing happy birthday to me in the park whilst holding a burger with a candle stuck in the middle of it, I do wish I could have spent it with you. Don’t get me wrong, I love those two, but it’s not the same. I wonder if they threw me a party, would you be there? I like to think we’ve become more comfortable with one another now, right? We’ve had many conversations by now, so that must mean something, or at least it does to me.

Your little dumpling

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dear first love,

I’m not going to lie, when you came up to me after class that day and asked if I wanted to go to your party I melted. I wasn’t expecting you to invite me at all, especially not personally, but of course I was happy that you did. That means you wanted me there, right? I still feel the butterflies in my tummy just remembering the way you smiled at me. Has anyone told you you literally have the most beautiful smile ever? Because you do, and I will never get over it. I want to see you happy like that always, even if it’s not because of me. You may have noticed that I put a bit more effort into my appearance for your party, although you probably didn’t realise that I did that for you. I hoped you liked the present! I was thinking of what to get you when I remembered a conversation we had a while back. I bet you thought I forgot, but I didn't. You keep making me weak, my little chicken wing, especially when you pinched my cheek out of nowhere like that. Are you trying to kill me off again? Why do you do things like this? You’re such a meanie! Anyway, I enjoyed the party. We played many games, though again I tried to avoid an awkward scene like that one time. Although I definitely wouldn’t mind sharing another kiss with you, I also know how awkward it must have been for you. For me, my heart was racing but I hope you didn’t feel that! We got to speak a bit, too, which was good, even if it was mainly about snacks. I hope you had a really amazing birthday! I wished you happy birthday at both the party and on the actual day. Even though it was a busy day for me, I still found time for you <3

Your little dumpling

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dear first love,

There’s been so many parties recently, hasn’t there? I guess that’s what you get when you hang around with so many people hehe. I really enjoyed planning Kun’s party together! I’ve been getting closer to him, too. Now I see why you like him so much (the food is one reason ;)). It was good to see some of the boys again, I haven’t spoken to them much since November. I guess that’s what happens when the holidays take over though, everyone becomes so busy it’s hard to hang out until the new year. I heard that you met up with a few of the boys to see the new year in. Did you have fun? I was busy trying to make the cake for the party and completely missed the countdown, but oh well, there’s always next year, right? Did you enjoy your holidays? I forgot to ask you at the party since you kept being pulled away every two minutes by someone wanting to talk to you. That’s just the joys of being popular I guess :P. I can’t believe I’ve only just gotten to know Kun properly and he’ll be graduating soon. That’s what you get for hanging out with the older generation, hmm? He would hate me saying that, but I’m not wrong hehe. School starts again soon so we’ll be able to talk more in person instead of just through group chats (and Mark passing on messages for me). To be honest, I was surprised when you told me that you were staying in Korea over the Christmas holiday. I thought you might have spent some time at home, but I guess you did have us here to keep you company, and to buy your favourite foods for you whenever you felt homesick. I don’t believe you’ve ever told me about your family, I’d love to know more about them, but I didn’t want to ask before in case I made you sad <3

Your little dumpling

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Dear first love,

We just got back from a school trip not long ago. It was fun, wasn’t it? Apart from when we thought that Jungwoo broke his arm and Mark starting screaming cause he was panicking.. That was less fun. But hey, it’s a funny story to bring up whenever any of us want to tease him. I’m glad Jungwoo’s arm wasn’t broken though. Who was in your tent again? I think they put you with Lucas, no? I think I remember you telling him to stop screaming at one point, but that may have been my tired brain making up stories again. We got to talk a little, didn’t we? It was when the others were cooking food and the two of us watched them because we didn’t want to get involved in the ‘kitchen drama’. I did love doing a commentary of our imaginary cooking show, it was fun! Maybe we should ask to go camping more often, although maybe wrap the boys in bubble wrap so no one can break anything. I was kind of hoping that the trip would be to an amusement park or something similar, but I guess that might have been pretty hectic. Let’s face it, a ‘peaceful’ camping trip was chaotic enough, imagine what things would be like at an amusement park! I would still love to go to one, though. Who would be the responsible adult, though? Perhaps papa Kun, since he is old now hehe. By the way, did you receive any gifts for Valentine’s Day? I wanted to give you these letters but I made my identity too obvious, I wouldn’t be able to face you ever again if I had given you them. That’s why I settled for something that wasn’t too obvious. Maybe one year I’ll have the courage to say these things to you, but for now, I will love you from afar.

Your little dumpling

[oncearoundthegarrison-blog]

London to Lundy Part 1

5 months sounds like a long time, but when you’ve started a new job in a completely different industry, it flies by. New colleagues, new commute, new schedule, new maze-like museum building that took at least a month to get used to. Even new vocabulary. 

I felt like I was desperately treading water, slowly drowning in a sea of to-dos. It finally took the Christmas period, when the museum was closed, most colleagues and external contacts had taken holidays and my telephone and inbox fell quiet, that I had a moment to realise... I have 13 days of annual leave to use up before the end of the financial year.

My husband’s birthday is in March, so I thought we could go somewhere together to celebrate, as we had been doing the last few years. The thing is, my husband works in a small company, a team of 3, in fact. Unfortunately, the other 2 also have their birthdays in March, so, being the most junior, he felt he couldn’t take a week off, especially because they were planning a work trip around that time too.

“You should go on a yoga retreat by yourself.” he suggested. As if I wanted to pay hundreds of pounds to go and spend days stretching with strangers, some of whom were guaranteed to be a little too ‘woo-woo’ for my taste (no offence). 

I decided I wanted to do something that was ‘worthwhile’ with my time. After hours researching expensive (and scammy) conservation holidays, scrolling through WorkAways and WWOOFing opportunities, I somehow landed on the jackpot; a National Trust working holiday on Lundy, a three mile long, half mile wide island off the coast of North Devon.

Having hastily signed up and gained a place, I set to work on the dreaded getting-there logistics. The first thing was already ticked off the list. The only way of getting from the Devon coast onto Lundy Island at that time of the year is by Helicopter. With that booked, I looked into getting from London to Devon and back. 

The autumn before, I had bought my first car. It’s a fully electric Nissan Leaf. Using it largely for the weekly shop and commuting to work (15 minutes if the traffic is nice, 1 hour if it’s the usual), it’s the perfect car for pootling around the city and suburbs, where an electric charger is always close to hand. We’d done the odd 2 hour drives, but the route planning, and adding 30 mins per charge stop, the anxiety of ‘what if the charger we are heading towards is out of order’ was quite stressful, so a solo drive down to Devon seemed a foolhardy concept.

But, the more I tried to arrange the public transport, the more complicated things got. First off, the nearest train station is 25 miles away, and you need to get on a bus for an hour even to get close to the helipad. Not only that but you had to get there by 10am latest, so unless you wanted to leave London at crazy o’clock, you had to arrive the night before and find accommodation. On top of that, on the way back, you have no idea what time your helicopter flight is. “Sometime between 11 and 3pm, and it depends on the weather, you could be delayed to later in the afternoon or even the next day!” So booking a train for the way back was a gamble. Driving to Devon in my electric car started to look like a more attractive, at least simpler, concept.

I’m not what you call a confident driver, and some past long distance drives had been very stressful. It’s hard for me to forget that I could kill myself or anyone else by making a silly mistake. And I make plenty of those in my everyday life. What if I don’t plan well and I run out of charge on my car? The prospect of driving alone, for four hours, which would probably include at least 4 charges, was terrifying. Also, if I want to arrive at the heliport at 9:30am, then I would need to leave at 5:30am, but add on 4 x 30 minute charges is 3:30am, and maybe I should add an extra hour in case I take the wrong turning or there is traffic or a diversion... well that’s crazy o’clock. So I decided to break up the journey by stopping off at my uncle’s in Bristol.

The week before setting off, I made sure to check and double check the route on the Zap-Map app, which shows you the locations of all the EV chargers. I read reviews of each charger, making sure it was used recently and recorded as having a successful charge. I made sure I knew the locations of at least 2 other chargers near the one I actually planned to charge at, in case that one was occupied or faulty. 

I wrote out the addresses of each charger, in case I lost my phone. I packed a portable power bank for my phone, in case it ran out of battery. I found out what numbers I need to call if I break down or run out of charge, or have an accident (yeah OK I should’ve known those already). Some chargers require you to start the charge using your mobile phone... but what if you didn’t have enough reception? I drove my husband crazy with my fretting and stressing. I made sure I had enough car snacks and a good playlist.

Then the day finally came. I left for Bristol around 9.00am. It was a bright sunny day and I left in high spirits, onto the M4. Forty minutes later, dirty black clouds appear and it starts to properly pour. The roads were not too busy but there was a ropey 15 minutes of very poor visibility, the spray from the other cars and lorries obscuring the road like a thick fog. My heart pumping, I was very glad to arrive at my first charge stop at a service station just after 10am.

There, I struck up a conversation with a fellow Nissan Leaf driver, and I asked him if he’d heard the rumour that you shouldn’t charge your car up to 100% on one of the rapid chargers (there are a few different charge speeds, you see). It’s something I was told by the customer services person when I rang up the helpline on a day a charger refused to stop charging (really reassuring). The man looked at me doubtingly and said that he hadn’t. When he left, I googled it and it really does seem to be the case that it damages your battery. I hope he looked it up later as well. I had a hot chocolate in the Starbucks, charged my phone and bought some gloves, as I forgot to pack mine. Feeling panicked about damaging the battery, I headed off at 82% charged.

Luckily, the closer I got to Bristol and my uncle’s flat, the lower the speed limit, the more traffic there was. I say lucky because driving in those circumstances uses up much less charge than going 70mph down the motorway. By 11:40 I have arrived at my final charge stop, a Bannatyne Health Club just round the corner from my final destination. I was even more happy to see that it was a simple plug in, tap your contactless card and charge jobby. You’d think that’s how all chargers are, but no. EV chargers are run by different providers, I have no less than 5 different apps on my phone plus a physical tap card, and there’s still some chargers where I have to spend ages registering on a website in order to start a charge. Mental.

I go into the health club and explain I’m not a member but would like to sit in the cafe while my car charges. I was a bit worried they would turn me away, but, just as my Zap-Map colleagues had reassured me, they asked me to sign in to a guest book and let me in. I order a tea and settle down for 20 minutes. In hindsight, during my journey to Devon and back, I think I spent almost the same amount of money on beverages and nibbles waiting for the car to charge as for the charge itself!

Anyway, all in all a smooth journey to Bristol, and I get to my uncle’s around 12:15, just in time for lunch. After a lovely afternoon taking in the sights of Bristol (managed to catch the excellent Wildlife Photography of The Year 2019 exhibition at M Shed, see below for the fun image of a shocked Himalayan marmot that won the Grand Title) and catching up with a friend over a quick drink in the evening, I go to bed early, ready for an early start in the morning.

[elizabethsharmon]

*shows up a couple of days later with 6 random facts about me*

So I was tagged by @srodvlv, @lepetitepeach, @surrealsunday, @eliottdemaurys, @lallemanting and @oheliotts oof that's a lot of people, thank you all so much ❤️❤️❤️

Post 6 random facts about yourself and tag your 10 favorite followers

1. I had quite hectic first half of the year because I had to write my master's thesis and let me tell you that writing, going to classes and keeping up with skam france is NOT a good combination. It would either take me 1h to write 2 pages or 6h to write 1 sentence, there was no in between, and clips would usually drop right when I was about to start writing (jeudi 17h32, I'm looking at you in particular) so I guess you're welcome. Then, finally, just as I was nearing my supervisor's deadline it was time for 4x10 so NO CLIPS FOR 3 DAYS which meant to me no distractions which resulted in 18 PAGES IN 3 DAYS and I could finally finish it 🤧 what's the best thing about that is that those 18 pages were exactly about skam and remakes because my whole thesis was about television 2.0 and about the impact of technological progress and social media on tv show and fandoms and one chapter was focused on transmedia storytelling and what's the best example of it??? SKAM. I also had to make a survey and I had 600 responses and overall like 450 REALLY LONG answers to open questions because at the time I thought it's a good idea ha ha hahahahah but yeah, 6 months and 95 pages later I was finally done and my supervisor decided to email me that he accepts the final version and I can upload it and print it right when I was in Paris waiting for the end of school skamfr party sdgkkjdsd (I didn't tell him that I added a paragraph later after talking to David but I think he wouldn't care) and basically after flying back home I had a few hours to edit the document, print the whole thing, and go to him to sign some documents and then a week to learn 90 topics from 5 years of studies so ugh this was such a mess but I survived (this got so long I'll try to keep the other points brief afhkhdsfh)

2. I've learnt French for 11 years (I stopped 2 years ago) but I'm really struggling with writing and talking cause my brain provides English words and I'm just afjssfkkgssfhk but I understand like 90% from what I read and hear so that's good at least... and it helped me a lot, especially with grammar and other rules, when I was learning Spanish and Italian so that's something (though I only remember how to say "unfortunately I can't, I have to study" and "could you peel off the potatoes?" in Italian adgkhfadgk)

3. I self-taught myself basics of vector graphics in 24h so I could edit a template and design a more Pro resume, hoping that it would finally help me get a job and since I now know a little bit about it, I also added that I know how to use this programme on my CV sdhkjvssfjkvssgkncss I'm such a disaster, let's not talk about it

4. I absolutely love swimming but I hate indoor pools and going out with wet hair so I usually have to wait a year or so to finally go on holidays somewhere Mediterranean to just swim for a whole week and chill and read books

5. When I was 10 or something, I went with my parents and family friends and some other people on an organized skiing trip to Italy. I was never a skilled skier and I was young and didn't really had ANY real skills but somehow those idiots (aka instructors and organizers) put me in the INTERMEDIATE group and they took us to red slope which was basically ICE and well, I fell off the safety net and luckily there was a part of some rock or sth, idk the terminology, sticking out of the mountain which was basically the only thing that saved me from falling down the abyss... anyway luckily my brain was working and I remembered how to call for help in English and someone noticed me and called for help so I was saved (and I got to ride on the snowmobile!!! Literally the only thing my brain registered then) and I went back to skiing the next day and I was skiing for the next couple of years until my brain finally registered that I almost died and trauma took over so yeah, I'll probably never ski again. That's something I don't usually tell people because they either don't believe me or start joking about it

6. I was cyber bullied recently to leave the groupchat I spent a lot of time in practically every day for the last couple of months. For a couple of days my heart was beating so fast that I thought I'd have to go to hospital, I was feeling like I was floating over my body, and my insomnia hasn't been that bad since high school... yet those people say they did it because they "care"... I don't see how calling names, pulling out screenshots from few months ago without the context, stalking my blog and blocking me on every social media could be called "caring" but I'm glad they at least showed their true face when I was nothing but straightforward with everyone from the beginning. So if you're still stalking my blog and reading this: think of the consequences of your actions and fuck you

I'm really late to the party so I think everyone already did this so I'm not gonna tag anyone 

[myatlantispoets]

@dottilyn @thoopsy A little birdie told me that you signed up for the @shera-secretsanta-2019 event. Well guess what, I know who’s supposed to give you your present  and it’s....this girl right here! (forgive me for the awkward introduction ). Anyways, happy holidays and may you fight like a princess in the next decade! (i’m...not the best at fandom references).

I’ve prepared a fic set in a Modern AU-Etheria is a small kingdom, where magic doesn’t exist but goodness always prevails. 

Characters:Entrapta, Adora, Mermista, Bow, Perfuma, Frosta, Glimmer (basically the main squad)

Word count:2031

Hope you like it!

"Emily, will you hand me the wrench, please?", Entrapta asked the small robot that usually accompanied her. Today would be a bit different, for she was celebrating her high school graduation by going on a camping trip with her friends, so she was planning to leave the robot in charge of the house while she was gone. The thought of being without Emily was quite saddening but the thought of being with the people who've gone on so many adventures with her throughout high school helped. Of course, there was also the thought of what was going to happen now that high school was over-but she brushed it off. For now, she had to leave her messy room, say goodbye to the other robots and try and run to the train station, where they were waiting for her. "I have to leave now, but I'll be back soon. Take care of the others, ok?", she said, planting a kiss on the closest thing that the robot had to a forehead. With that, she picked up the wrench, threw it in her backpack and closed the door behind her. --- "This has to be the longest road I've ever travelled. How much do we have left?", Glimmer sighed looking out the window of the train compartment. "This is the fifth time you've asked", Mermista muttered under her breath. "We've already passed by the lake. Perfuma said she's waiting for us at the next station", Adora interfered. "Is it too late to suggest not going at all?", Mermista asked rhetorically . As the only one in the group who's grown up in Salineas-Etheria's most prosperous harbour city-she found it a lot more enjoyable to spend her summer break at the seaside than among leaves and bugs and...whatever else hid in those woods. Adora gave her a gentle, but disapproving look. "So that's a no?" --- Ten minutes later they were chatting with Perfuma, telling her how Entrapta spent the whole time while they were on the train in the  driver's cabin, figuring out how the vehicle worked. She laughed a bit, asking the mechanic about her discoveries. As the purple haired girl answered, she felt hopeful about the celebration ahead of them. But of course, a lot can go wrong in a night. The group found their spot rather quickly, as it had been previously prepared by Perfuma. When they decided to spend a week during their summer break camping, she insisted that it takes place in a natural reservation she'd been to before in Plumeria, Etheria's "greenest" region. Knowing how persistent the environmental activist could become about these things, they let it go. They were in a meadow not far from a river, surrounded by tall, green trees and a big range of flowers, among which they could find bluebells, primroses and starflowers. Perfuma went on a long speech about the forest and the various forms of life they could find there but Bow was the only one still listening after hours spent on a train ride. After taking some rest, they started unpacking the tents and setting them up. The process went easier than expected, especially after Entrapta excitedly began going around, offering everyone her help. She was the best out of all of  them when it came to spatial thinking, tools and equations, so they instantly agreed. Bow finished first, being quite good with these types of things himself. He admired Entrapta's skills and looked forward to any opportunity to learn from her. He was followed by Glimmer and Mermista-who let an overly eager Entrapta do the whole thing and then Perfuma and Frosta. Frosta was the youngest one of them and, though she wouldn't admit it, was a bit scared about her first camping trip, so  when Perfuma offered to share a tent with her, she gave in. After an hour, Adora was still struggling to set up her tent, despite her friend's help. The reason had 4 legs, 2 puppy eyes that begged one to do its bidding and fluffy ears perfect for scratching. Yes, the girl brought her pet dog, Swift Wind with her. No,she wasn't regretting her decizion but she admitted that there were...unforeseen situations that could be caused by one bringing their golden retriever on a camping trip. Because she was living them right now. "Come here, puppy! "Frosta shouted at the top of her lungs, waving to the fluffy animal. He was chewing on one of the tent poles after grabbing it while Adora was looking somewhere else and running with it to the other end of the meadow. Adora facepalmed. She thought things couldn't get any worse until he broke into one of the tents and started chewing on the pillows, spreading feathers and polyester filling all over in the camp while she watched in horror. While the others were trying to bait the puppy into returning the pole and chewing on something more edible-like one of the dog biscuits that Bow had carefully packed with him-Mermista was sitting in the back,  eating a bag of popcorn with Entrapta. The young genius was giggling, oblivious to the fact that she needed the pole to finish. "You'd think he was tired after the road, but his energy level is comparable to that of Sea-Hawk's", the Salinean raised an eyebrow, slightly impressed. "Do you think I could make my robots run as fast?", Entrapta asked, throwing a popcorn in the air and catching it with her mouth. Mermista was about to reply when she saw Frosta run up to them. "Guys, we could use some help", she threw them a glare while trying to get some feathers out of her hair. The girls sighed before getting up. The sooner they do something, the sooner they can go back to snacks and jokes. Twenty minutes later, Adora's managed to get Swift Wind to stop by giving him one of his favorite toys to play with, after finding it at the bottom of her backpack. The cleaning was resolved by Entrapta, who's turned one of her smaller robots into a surprisingly functional attempt at a vacuum cleaner. The others didn't know how she'd managed to make it work but hey, it was Entrapta. They were past questioning it. --- A dimly lit fire and a group of 6 people gathered around, laughing and enjoying each other's company. Is this what friendship feels like?, Entrapta thought, looking around. It was well known that Entrapta had been alone before meeting Adora, Glimmer and Bow, who would later introduce her to Mermista, Perfuma and Frosta. She grew up in an isolated city called Dryl, as an orphan. They met during their freshman year of high school and her life changed almost instantly. She wondered what she would have been doing right now if it wasn't for them. The girl  was awaken from her reverie by the sound of Bow opening one of the many bags of marshmallows he'd packed. A campfire wouldn't be a campfire without s'mores and the squad had relied on him, as resident "mom friend", to bring the goodies. Now, it was true that in a very characteristic excess of zeal, he'd packed a lot more than they needed, but Frosta assured them that she'd take care of it. He gave each one a bunch of marshmallows and biscuits and they soon started chatting, sharing their fears, hopes and dreams. "So what are you doing this fall, Entrapta?", Adora asked, not long after they'd replaced the s'mores with hot cocoa and gotten all wrapped up in blankets. Everyone except Frosta, anyway. She was surprisingly resilient to cold weather. "Yeah, good question.", Glimmer said. "I've heard about the others, but you never mentioned anything." Entrapta looked down on her own cup, trying to find answers in her drink. Sadly, it didn't answer. Stupid hot beverage. It was true though. On their way here, everyone's shared their plans for the future except her. Bow was planning to go into psychology and become a counselor, helping people who were doubting themselves or their path in life, like he used to at some point. Mermista would start preparing to take on her parents' business-they owned a few ships and offered tours of Etheria's coastlines. She's always liked the sea, so taking over the business with her boyfriend, Sea-Hawk seemed like the natural option. Adora has been training to become an agent for Etheria's crime fighting agency for a few years now and would take her exam in September. It sounded more like a formality for her though, since she'd aced all the other required tests and practiced every day. Glimmer had decided a long time that she wanted to take a leap  year instead and figure out things before making a decizion. She'd already signed up for a bunch of clubs and volunteering associations to test things out in the meantime. She had the freedom that she didn't have before, when she was a kid trying to graduate and to make her strict mother proud. Last but not least, Perfuma recently got offered an internship for an enviroment-focused international NGO that she was excited about, while Frosta was still in high school as the youngest. And Entrapta? She did get an acceptance later for a course she applied out of boredom-Etheria's best engineering course, offered by a prestigious, modern university with a big library and an even bigger research lab. It sounded like a dream come true. But she feared it'd turn into her biggest nightmare-losing her friends and being alone again.  She'd be far from everyone else, while her friends would each go away their separate ways. If she turned it down, she could at least stay with Frosta for another. She was afraid of what would happen if she didn't. Before she knew it, she'd started crying in front of her friends. "Hey, are you ok?", Bow asked, taking a seat next to her. The others followed him, forming a circle around her. They were looking at her, eyes filled with concern. She revealed the acceptance letter that had been hidden in her backpack. She'd brought it with her to think about it-having physical things to thinker with always helped her figure out solutions. The only problem was, you couldn't fix fear and insecurity using equations. She heard the others gasp at the sight of the letter as Glimmer snatched it from her hands. She read it out loud before they all congratulated her. "This is amazing, Entrapta!", Adora exclaimed. "Totally. I mean, I didn't expect any less but you know...congrats", Mermista patted her on the back. "So...why are you upset?", Bow was confused. "Is this not what you wanted ?", Perfuma raised an eyebrow. "I...I'm afraid", was all Entrapta could say between the tears. Once Bow handed her a box of tissues, she was able to continue, "Of what will happen...once college begins. Of losing you guys." After a few seconds, Adora broke out the silence, "Not a chance", she said, slinging an arm around her shoulder. The others nodded encouragingly. "Yeah, we can totally still hang out whenever we find the time. Etheria isn't that big.", Glimmer chimed in. "And group chats are still a thing as far as I know", Mermista added. "Knowing you, you'll probably invent holograms or...teleportation and what not. That'll make things a lot easier", Frosta said, inciting a chuckle from Entrapta. "Yeah, you're a genius, Entrapta", Bow said. "And you deserve the chance to reach your full potential", Perfuma smiled at the purple haired girl. Slowly, but surely, Entrapta began feeling relieved. And maybe she wasn't so alone after all. "Thank you, guys", she sniffled."I've decided I'm going to accept the offer...and I'm going to treat it as an other scientific experiment. With courage and curiosity." "GROUP HUG", Bow announced loudly before giving the girl a hug, followed by the others. Entrapta smiled once again, looking up at the stars. This is what friendship feels like.

[gorillazgal86]

Book of Love — Give Me Things 3/3

Also available at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19731313/chapters/46974682

The night the Armageddon didn't and Aziraphale stayed the night, an angel and a demon had talked and schemed into the small hours, their plan to switch bodies hatched and finalised in those enchanted hours before dawn, where it's too early to be night, but not yet morning.

"Should we do it now, to make sure it works?" Crowley had whispered, his heart thumping.

"Yes, I suppose we should," Aziraphale's voice was also soft and quiet.

"On three then?" Crowley offered his hand to the angel and held his breath.

"One, two, three . . . . " They said together and then clasped hands, both closing their eyes, preparing for impact.

Crowley would never forget the feeling of the magic taking hold, his mind's eye picturing every inch of the angel, captured in the finest detail from 6,000 years of careful study and a most heartfelt adoration. He felt his body change, grow softer and just a bit shorter. It rushed through his body and left him breathless. When he opened his eyes, he was taken aback to see his own snake-like yellow eyes looking back at him. He tilted his head and studied what was now his mirror image and then brought his hand up to his face, turning it slowly in front of his face, the glint of the gold pinky ring catching the low light of a lamp nearby.

"This is . . . . different," was all Crowley could this to say, but it wasn't his voice.

"Indeed," Aziraphale breathed, taking in the sight of Crowley wearing his body and speaking with his voice.

Aziraphale's hands reached out delicately to touch Crowley's face. "Incredible. . . .it's like looking in a mirror," the angel laughed and despite the fact he was wearing a new face, the way his nose scrunched and his eyes lit up when he laughed were distinctly Aziraphale.

"I look good on you," Crowley smiled.

"You look good on anything, my dear."

They practiced until daybreak how to move and speak and be the other. Watching Aziraphale master the demon's signature saunter was indeed a sight to behold, knees initially trembling and knocking, but after some coaching, finally able to stride nearly as effortlessly as Crowley himself.

"Are you afraid?" Aziraphale had asked as the morning sun began to brighten, signalling it was time to go..

"Only if we've got this wrong . . . . " Crowley said, his eyes looking down. If they had read the cryptic prophecy incorrectly or if their character work slipped, they would surely damn the other . . . destroy him completely. And there would be no opportunity for a last-minute miraculous intervention this time.

"Me too," Aziraphale's hands (or indeed, Crowley's) twisted nervously.

Crowley pulled the angel in to a tight hug, holding onto him, knowing it could very well the be last chance he'd get.

"I trust you." he said.

"I trust you, too," Aziraphale gripped onto him.

They both stood there a moment, breathing the other in, capturing every precious scent and the warmth of two bodies held close. Six thousand years of shared memories danced across both their minds, a stark reminder of what was at stake.

Millenia of unspoken words hung on Crowley's tongue, but he swallowed them like the most bitter of medicine and when they finally broke apart, he offered a pained smile.

"See you on the other side."

They had indeed chosen their faces wisely and Crowley found he did not want everything to return to exactly the way it was. The smell of burning books still lingered in his nose and he still stepped cautiously over the doorway into his office where holy water had destroyed Ligur. The world hadn't ended, but it had certainly changed.

Crowley and Aziraphale had been handed a fresh start, with assurances that Heaven and Hell would leave them to their earthly existence. And Crowley found himself daydreaming about what that could mean exactly. One thing he was sure of, was that he wanted Aziraphale to be in every single moment of it.

There was one particular idea he found himself circling back to, something that wouldn't his and wouldn't be Aziraphale's, but would be their's. And quietly, he began to put the pieces into motion.

"Everything all right? You seem distracted recently," Aziraphale had said to him one evening over wine, the concern evident in his voice.

"Oh, yes, everything is just fine Angel," Crowley smiled.

Aziraphale gave him a look that told Crowley he wasn't convinced. "You know, you can talk to me, if there's anything on your mind."

"I know that and thank you. But honestly, it's nothing, just adjusting to this brave new world. Well, I guess there is one thing, but I need to go away for a week or so, just have a few loose ends to wrap up. When I'm back, what say you to a holiday at the seaside?" Crowley glanced over at the angel, hoping he sounded as cool and collected as he thought he did.

"Oh. I didn't realise you needed to go away for a while," Aziraphale paused and studied his wine carefully for a moment. "A holiday would be nice though," Aziraphale said, the disappointment from Crowley going away on his own evident in his voice.

"It'll fly in, you won't even miss me," Crowley said. He wasn't looking forward to time apart either, but it was for the greater good, he decided. They hadn't spent an evening apart since the world didn't end and he had grown rather accustom to the routine they had gotten into, cooking dinner, drinking wine until Crowley decided he wanted to go to sleep and Aziraphale would read quietly in the chair that had found itself next to Crowley's bed and waking to share breakfast in the morning.

Crowley left the next morning in the Bentley and headed towards East Sussex. He had been scouring property sites since he was safely returned to his own body and he had finally found what he was looking for. In the time between fooling heaven and giving Aziraphale his body back, he had decided that six thousand years was quite enough for a demon to wait and as the bookshop reeked of burning parchment and his flat was likewise tainted. It was time for somewhere new. But it had to be perfect, a place close to London (as Aziraphale would never willingly abandon his bookshop, and Crowley would never dream of asking him to), but could represent their new beginning. He had finally found it, a quaint single-storey cottage with an immaculately preserved thatch roof with enough land to ensure that an angel and a demon could wile away eternity with out interference and was heading out to finalise the purchase. It was a bold move on his part and he knew Aziraphale could still very well tell him no, (he did always go too fast) but he had to try.

Once the keys were in his hands, he made his way back to the cottage to tidy up and ensure it was ready for when he brought Aziraphale to see it. As he stood back and looked over the . . .their cottage, he felt his breath catch and his throat tighten. He wanted to give Aziraphale as close to paradise as a fallen angel could and this was as close as he was likely to get, by his own estimation. A safe, cosy space that was their's to fill. He swiped away at he wetness he felt on his face and breathed deeply.

He then picked up his phone and called Aziraphale. "Hey, i'm heading back into London, I'll be with you soon, get your bag packed."

Aziraphale was dutifully waiting outside the bookshop when the Bentley pulled up. He wore a warm smile that crept into his eyes as he climbed in.

"How was your trip, everything sorted?" Aziraphale asked.

"It was good thanks, yes all sorted. Ready for some rest and relaxation by the seaside?"

"I am! Thank you very much for planning and organising all this, very kind of you."

Crowley shot him a cheeky grin, "I'm not kind."

They chatted as London faded into fields, with Crowley maintaining a speed that didn't cause Aziraphale to grip his fingers into the leather seats. For his part, Crowley was doing his best to remain calm and composed, when he was nearly as nervous as when he had ascended the escalator into heaven. He glanced over at the angel, whose bright blonde hair was catching the sun in such away that he appeared to glow.

When they pulled up the drive to the cottage, Aziraphale's face lit up. "Oh how charming, oh this is just lovely Crowley, just what the doctor ordered!" The front garden was surrounded by a freshly-painted white fence, roses and hydrangeas blooming in the late summer heat. The grounds were scattered with brightly blooming flowers and the scent of lavender caught on the breeze and mixed in with the salty sea air.

"Go have a look around, I'll bring the cases in," Crowley's voice cracked slightly, but he shook it off and watched as Aziraphale made his way around the cottage, with Crowley close behind. The angel cooed as he made his way into each room, classically decorated in whites and greys (perfect as a starting point, Crowley had considered). It was cosy, with only 2 bedrooms, a living room with an open hearth and a large shaker kitchen with an Aga and a log burner.

"Self-catering was an excellent idea, we can certainly relax here!" Aziraphale was bubbling with joy, it was a wonderful spot, Crowley's taste had not disappointed, as usual.

"It's not self-catering, Angel," Crowley said, his hand in his pocket. The cool touch of metal brushing his fingers as he fidgeted with what was inside.

"What do you mean? I don't see a reception for a B&B," Aziraphale said.

Crowley had rehearsed this part a million times (playing both the part of angel and demon in his head). But in this instant, his brain was mush, his heart beating loudly in his ears and his perfectly practiced words escaping him entirely. He took Aziraphale's hand in his, his skin igniting at the contact, gently turned his palm upright and pulled the keys out of his pocket, laying them delicately in Aziraphale's hand.

"It's your's . . or ours . . rather," his words tumbled out awkwardly as he watched Aziraphale's face as his words began to sink in. The angel's expression was unreadable as his fingers slowly curled around the keys and stared unsettlingly at him. Crowley pushed his glasses onto his head, his eyes soft and pleading the angel to understand.

"I . . . I wanted to give you a new life . . . . for us . . . together," His voice was shaking uncontrollable, feeling more vulnerable in that moment than he ever had. "After everything, I want to spend every moment with you, from now until there's nothing left and even after that. I love you, I have loved you as long as I've known you . . . . and I don't want another single minute to pass without you with me," Crowley could feel his ears burning and his tongue felt twisted and too large for mouth.

Aziraphale was quiet, his fingers still closed around the keys and considering Crowley carefully.

"Aziraphale, please say something," Crowley choked.

The angel's face softened and his sky blue eyes fixed on Crowley. He looked every inch the angel he was and Crowley swore if he looked close enough, he could see his snow white wings unfurling behind him.

"I don't know what to say Crowley," Aziraphale looked overwhelmed. Crowley was certain he had gone too far . . . again. Their quiet London routine had been enough surely and he'd gone and hit the accelerator too hard.

But then the angel closed the gap between them, pressing hard against Crowley's lips. Crowley melted in that moment, his arms wrapping tightly, desperately, around Aziraphale, his hands gripping into white fluffy curls. His body lit up as they squeezed as closely together as physics would allow.

"You wily old serpent," Aziraphale said as they slowly broke the kiss. "You planned all this, for me?" he stayed close, his hand cradling Crowley's face, his thumb making a slow line between the sharp cheekbone to the soft plumpness of the demon's damp, swollen lips.

Crowley nodded. "For us."

"You marvellous, remarkable, wonderful, thoughtful creature. I adore you. I could think of nothing I'd like more, than to share this with you," Aziraphale's blue eyes sparkled. "None of this existence is worth living if you're not there."

Crowley felt tears running down his face and tried to brush them away. Aziraphale stilled his hand and pulled him in again.

"I love you, too," he breathed against Crowley's lips, claiming them again.

[robinruns]

TW: disordered eating, vomiting, seasonal depression

In December 2014 I started at my current job. This job gives a $100 bonus every Christmas season and so the night I got that check I promptly went to the bank, deposited it and went straight to target and bought my first fitbit.

At that point I had run my first 5k but was struggling to lose the 60 extra pounds I had on my body.

I started tracking my intake via the app which was very eye opening. I didn't realize how much I really was taking in, but with that knowledge I was able to adjust.

Weight loss was more of a weekday thing. When my boyfriend would come over, or I'd go visit him, I just ate whatever and I was certainly not working out on the weekend.

This changed when I moved in with my boyfriend and started training for my first 10k in October 2015. I was totally in control of my eating, as opposed to when I was living with my friend Molly but still going to my parent's home for dinner most nights since I was in town still.

I just kept at it and kept at it and then I was out of the overweight BMI category by mid-November 2015. I kept up the good eating habits and set my sights on the half marathon.

Somewhere in I wanna say September 2016 things got fucked up.

I started binge eating. The harder I tried to control myself the harder something in me fought back and I had to stop buying certain food items just so I couldn't binge on them.

The night before the Zoo Run Run in 2016 I ate so many snacks and then dinner on top of that I got sick. I didn't force myself to throw up, I couldn't help it. I almost did the same at my future cousin's bridal shower, although I never for sick, but I ruined the trip for myself.

When I was marathon training in spring 2017 I had always heard it's impossible to lose weight marathon training. I was so paranoid that I'd gain weight I didn't properly fuel for the training or the race. I knew how important it was to train with your fuel strategy, but I couldn't bring myself to do it until I got to my last couple very long runs. I know it impacted my race. I wasn't trained right at all.

Cut to 2018. I wanted to run a 25 minute 5k, I wanted to run a sub 2 hour half, I wanted new PRs across the board and I wanted to win age groups.

So I spent my spring training upper body and phoning in my runs. I let my weight go from what I thought was too high at the mid 150s, into the 160s.

I knew I wanted to lose weight before I went to California. I didn't. I continued on the bizarre binging cycles that I always found myself in.

I knew that I wanted to lose weight to run better this fall when I was really going hard at my sub 2 hour goal. I know how I felt when I was down a little bit and how much easier it felt. I knew how it felt to run with my weight up. Heavy. Slow. Angry with myself.

I am at least past the neurosis of being "the healthy girl" at work, but now it's to the point where I've swung too far back the other way. I've over corrected too far. I'm to the point of saying eh fuck it. I hated how my coworkers would talk about healthy and unhealthy food. Looking back it was because even though I could easily identify that what they were saying wasn't coming from a healthy relationship with food, where I was at wasn't either.

So where am I at now?

This week I've struggled. Hard. I went way hard on Monday and Tuesday with eating little, too little, and then not seeing what I thought I should have seen on the scale on Wednesday I swung way back the other way. Of course the office kitchen was filled to the rafters with things like cookies, chocolates, donuts, whatever. Wednesday I even skipped the gym. Thursday and Friday were no better, but I forced myself to go to the gym on Friday.

My environment reflected the low point I was wallowing. Our bedroom floor was a mess, our kitchen was a mess. I am a mess. I’m blaming it on some kind of seasonal depression thing since it’s only recently started with the nights getting quite long and I do feel better on sunny days. It makes me kinda mad though because I love winter, I love the cozy dark nights. But my brain doesn’t.

I've felt like a fraud for a while now in the "fitblr" community. That's why I've been distracting myself with everything else. I don't have goals for next year because I'm at a point of being like "can I even really achieve this? What I'd I don't? What do I need to get myself back to my old self?"

I don't want to go in to my ideas for next year on this post. I'm intentionally posting it late on a holiday weekend in hopes no will see it , but I still wanted to get it up here. I know I need accountability. If you read this far, maybe you care enough to help me with that? Please don't feel like you have to, especially if you're in a difficult place as well.

[stories-you-wont-hear]

– all i want.

Hey, hi, hello! This was a general request for a bau!reader and since we’re decorating for the holidays at work, I feel the need to write something Christmas-y. Enjoy!

If Spencer heard Mariah Carey one more time today, he’d probably start pulling his hair out. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy the song, but according to his exact calculations; the song was 4 minutes and 1 second long take that, multiply it by the number of times they had played it within the last week and Spencer had been listening to All I Want for Christmas for 96 minutes and 24 seconds. On top of that, he had completely forgotten to bring in a present for the office White Elephant exchange. It wasn’t that he didn’t have time, judging from the nicely wrapped presents piled around the small tree they had in a corner of the bullpen, everyone else had found the time to find something. He had done plenty of research on the tradition, but none on what kind of gift to get. Hence, the lack of a gift with his name on it under the tree. He hoped that someone would appreciate office supplies as he began to rummage his desk for a new pack of post-it’s, only to be interrupted by a fellow agent. “What the hell are you doing, Reid?” the voice called, drawing Spencer’s attention from his desk to the woman standing by him. As his eyes met hers, he found himself speechless. Having a crush on someone had that kind of effect, and that was a scientific fact.

She was the newest member of their team and a fine addition. Spencer’s return from jail had him unable to completely integrate back in, hence the need for the new addition. Y/N had made a great addition to the team, her sense of fierce loyalty mirrored JJ’s protective nature, her quirkiness paralleled Garcia’s eccentricity while balancing it out at the same time, and the best thing was that she listened to Spencer’s ramblings. She understood the moments he needed to retreat back into a shell and reveled in the moments where his old self flickered into the present, rambling about who knows what. He felt safe around her, something he had felt that he’d never be able to feel again while he was in jail. Her interruption was a welcome surprise, and if there was one thing she was good at, it was thinking on her feet. “I-” “Forgot a present for the white elephant gift?” Y/N supplied. Spencer nodded guiltily, wondering how she could have possibly known. “It’s just,” he began explaining, “I just don’t know what people like. I read about White Elephant traditions. Did you know that the tradition is rooted in an old legend about the King of Siam, which is present-day Thailand, who ga-” Y/N interjected him quickly, “Reid, you know I love when you talk witty to me, but if the others find out that you forgot, you’ll be in hot water.” “Right...” Spencer trailed off, suddenly even more worried, “What do I do, Y/N?” His eyes held her gaze, pleading silently.  After a moment of contemplation, Y/N began nodding, her expression playing out the apparent epiphany she just had. “I got it,” she said, a grin slowly spreading across her lips. “Great!” Spencer exclaimed before growing wary of the mischevious look on her face, “Wait. What is it?” She just continued smiling as she assured him, “Don’t you worry about it. You’ll see.” With that, she made her way back to her desk, with Spencer whispering loudly at her, “Wait, Y/N, What is it?” All he got in reply was a wink, one that had his heart skipping a beat. Not literally. Maybe literally.  The day went on, paperwork was filled, more Mariah Carey was played. Soon, it was towards the end of the workday and thus began the BAU’s Christmas celebration. Garcia brought cookies, Rossi some sparkling cider, and Tara even donned an elf hat. “Ladies and gentle-agents,” Garcia called attention as she stood in front of the tree. Penelope’s outfit had Spencer mistaking her for one of Santa's elves, perhaps the most technologically savvy one. If anyone in the world could put together a comprehensive Naughty or Nice list, it was Garcia. “It is time to begin our White Elephant gift exchange. According to my calculations,” she continued, “We have all but one gift. Which one of you is about to face my wrath?” Spencer shifted nervously in the office chair he was seated in, turning to catch Y/N’s eye. “Actually,” she spoke up, “There was one present we couldn’t leave under the tree.” “Oh?” Garcia questioned, looking along with the rest of the BAU curiously at Y/N. With that, Y/N stepped over to Spencer, in her hand a red bow, the kind you stick to presents. She placed the bow delicately on Spencer’s head before she pushed his chair towards Garcia. “Spencer’s genius idea,” Y/N explained, “was himself. What could be better than a day spent with the good doctor?” “Yeah,” Spencer said softly under his breath, a small smile growing on his lips, this idea was genius. “Okay,” Garcia said brightly, apparently satisfied with Y/N’s makeshift idea, “Everybody pull a number and let’s get started.” With that, a basket full of folded slips of paper held the fate of everyone’s turns and thus began the White Elephant game. Rossi was up first, selecting an elegantly wrapped gold and white box. He went through the paper carefully to reveal a grey coloured cashmere scarf. “Ah,” he exclaimed, “we have someone here with an affinity for the finer things.” “Indeed,” Tara piped up, holding her ballot which had the number 2 printed on it, “Which is why I chose the scarf.” “Damn it,” Rossi muttered, handing the box reluctantly over to Tara, who held the soft fabric of the scarf to her face. And so, the game continued, with JJ picking Spencer, even going over to the tree and wheeling him over to where she had been sitting. Spencer chose the slim envelope, containing a certificate for gourmet coffee from a fancy coffee shop in town, something he found himself looking forward to trying. Perhaps, with Y/N? His eyes found themselves looking at her, studying how her face lit up in anticipation anytime it was anyone’s turn and how she looked affectionately at all these people around her, individuals she had known a short time but ones that she had made a place for herself within. Her lips had spread into a smile as she caught Spencer’s eye and he did see her lips moving to form words, but he was so lost in thoughts about coffee dates on rainy days that all he heard from her was, “I want Spencer.” Behind him, JJ sighed, calling over to Y/N, “Come get your prize.” Y/N happily switched places with JJ, who took the last present in the pile, a luxury spa set, a gift that she was satisfied enough to give up Spencer for. At least, that’s what the happy expression on her face told him. Not that Spencer was unhappy with the results of this game, Y/N’s hand was on the armrest of his chair as if holding on to make sure no one stole him from her, a thought that brought blood rushing to Spencer’s cheeks. The end of the game lead to everyone dispersing to gather their things to go home, to spend time with their families, surely. Rossi had his daughter, JJ her boys, and from the sounds of Luke and Penelope’s chatter, the two had plans together as well. Spencer found himself lingering, buttoning his coat slowly as he replayed the events of the White Elephant game. Y/N had chosen him, him, Spencer Reid, over things like that really soft cashmere scarf that had been a target of a few members of the BAU. He was once again lost in his thoughts and didn’t realize that Y/N was standing in front of him, calling his name. “Spencer?” she asked, her eyes reflecting concern, “You there?”  It was this very feeling of understanding that was leading Spencer deeper into this abyss of falling for her. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone. Yes, Maeve was someone he loved, but the circumstances that had surrounded his life recently changed the kind of man he was, and Y/N was someone who recognized that and knew the Spencer that stood in front of her. “I’m here,” he replied back, his voice barely above a whisper. They were alone now, everyone else having left, leaving the two of them in the soft light of the lights on the Christmas tree. Y/N cleared her throat, holding Spencer’s gaze as she spoke, “I just want to make sure that you’re okay, Spencer. As okay as you can be.” “I am,” he replied, “I’m as okay as I can be.” The smile she gave in return pierced through his heart, a familiar feeling for Spencer. He was falling for her. Actually, Spencer had fully tripped, gotten up, and tripped again.  “You still have the bow on your head,” she said, laughing as she reached up to take it off, just as Spencer did. His hand grazed hers in the process, Spencer pulling away quickly as they did. “Sorry,” he muttered apologetically. She shook her head in protest, holding the bow in her hand, “Don’t be. Start planning for my Spencer Day.” “Spencer Day?” he questioned, to which she replied matter-of-factly, “You’re my present, remember?” “That I am,” he answered, the faint blush from earlier returned to his face. “I’m not as soft as a cashmere scarf, or as fun as an escape room,” he started, to which Y/N began shaking her head. “No, you’re not,” she agreed, “But.” “But?” Spencer asked, his voice dropping down to match her whisper. “But...” she continued softly, “All I want for Christmas is you.” “Oh?” Spencer’s brow knitted in confusion, worried that he had somehow missed that Y/N had just said to him very clearly. She nodded slowly, stepping closer to bridge the distance between them. Spencer was suddenly very aware of his own breathing and the proximity between the two, as well as the fact that she wasn’t the only one that was bridging the gap. He leaned down to place his lips on hers, something he had admittedly thought about doing many times before. He had thought of it when she was making herself a cup of coffee in the breakroom the same time as him, the little yawns she had before getting her caffeine fix, when she was sitting at her desk filling out paperwork, the way she played with a pen in her hands, when she walked in in the morning, her expression grumpy from the stress of morning traffic. Everything she did drove Spencer towards her, towards this moment. His hands found their way to her face, his fingers weaving into her hair as hers clutched at the fabric of his coat. As he pulled away, he left his forehead resting on hers, the moment feeling vulnerable and intimate. To his surprise, her response was to laugh. “What’s so funny?” Spencer asked, drawing back. Her face had a new glow on it, one that reflected on Spencer’s own. “I have waited so long to do that,” she replied, her hands still resting on Spencer. He felt himself relaxing, his lips spreading into a smile as he replied softly, “Me, too.”

[gloriousgardendonut]

Gap Year Trip 2018 - Ireland continued

Week 2 - Summerfields campsite in Schull is a tiny and quirky campsite, a back garden really, we shared it with 2 vans the first night but had it all to ourselves the second night. May seems to be quiet on the campsites, yet all the main sites on the Way seemed busy, we wondered if summer would be more difficult to do the route. It took a lot of focused and considerate driving along the route and you don't get anywhere fast on the smaller roads, it is probably much more difficult in busier seasons. We'd planned to have a meal and a few beers in a local pub in the evening we arrived in Schull, but as none of the local pubs were adhering to the recently repealed 'dogs in pubs law' we got a big fat no at each of them. Luckily my daughter had contributed an Aldi shop as a gift on our departure and so we had lots of stuff in tins and packets back in the van to create a gourmet meal - tuna pasta is great when you're tired and hungry, it's also cheap. Next day we decided to head out on foot and did a 6 mile circular walk around Schull, first along the lovely coast and then back across the hilly back roads. Interestingly there seems to be a lot of property development or new building happening in some of the remote areas. Many properties were opting for big picture windows, well you would if you had the view here. It made us realise though that before central heating, these old properties would have relied on small windows and thick stone walls to keep that wild Atlantic wind out, they probably also shared with their livestock as well, probably similar to me with my sheepskin throw when it's a bit chilly in the van. As the sun came out we finished the day with a BBQ and a few beers - news from home was that the UK was expecting a heat wave and that temperatures would soar to compete with Ibiza, unfortunately,top temperatures bypassed Ireland and our Way remained The WILD Atlantic and chilly Way! Next day we soldiered on to Dursey Island in the drizzle and wind to experience the only Cable car in Ireland, I was a little unsure at first if Simon would brave it but as it was the only route onto the island he agreed to give it a go despite his fear of heights. With a 600 foot drop into Dursey Sound and the wind picking up Simon reluctantly faced his fears and boarded the cable car. His face was a picture for the first few minutes as fear set in and I must admit I felt a bit nervous too. We weren't sure which was worse, the rickety cable stanchions, the flimsy sliding doors or the jolt forward as you went through the stanchion that gave you a sense that you were about to fall into the water below. We survived though, the island was wild and remote but beautiful. We only stayed a short time but in that time managed a short walk with the dog held tightly. A sign at arrival on the island said 'dogs will be shot if off the road'. The woman operating the cable car assured us dogs are not usually shot. With a live dog and feeling a sense of achievement we caught the cable car back and continued on our way. We arrived next at Sneem Aire for the night and after pitching up walked into the village for a few well earned beers in the local hostelries. Sneem has an abundance of pubs and restaurants but is very small, there seems to be places like this along the route, yet other small villages with very few if no facilities. Next day being a bit behind time we had to cut across the Dingle Peninsula - a place we had visited previously when staying in Killarney but didn't have time to revisit on this trip. The WAW is long and whilst there is a South to North route or vice verse, there are also lots of off-shoots around coves and peninsulas, if you were a purist it would take a lot longer than three weeks to complete every little bit of it. Whilst we tried to take in all the key signature points, we quickly realised we had to miss lots of bits too, this didn't matter as we felt that every area we visited had something spectacular to offer and we encountered dramatic views all along the way. So onward from the dramatic scenery of County Cork and Kerry we caught the ferry that crosses the River Shannon from Tarbert to Kilrush and a short drive onwards we arrived at the seaside town of Kilkeel. We had planned another free night at a Brit Stop located next to the sea near Diamond Rocks Café. When we arrived the place was very busy with Bank Holiday weekenders and we'd hoped to use the café, but it closed as we arrived so instead we headed off along the long sandy beach to the town for a few provisions. The town is made up mainly of bars and as it was bank holiday weekend so plenty of people were partaking of the liquor and the atmosphere seemed lively. Back at the van the view was fantastic, just a little wall between us and the sea and the Atlantic waves crashing against the rocks. All seemed well and slowly over the evening the day trippers started to leave the car park. By 11pm we were the only vehicle in the car park. But something felt wrong, I could see Simon was watching vehicles coming and going with curiosity and knowing him well knew he was beginning to get twitchy. He had noticed a car coming very close to the back of the van and looking at it, then a van circled us twice. I got out and they drove slowly away. As Bradley Walsh always says on 'The Chase' always trust your gut. Our gut was telling us we were being watched but we were unsure if it was the campervan or the expensive bike on the rack either way we felt unsafe where we were. We were isolated really at the end of the beach road and an easy target, had there been other Brit Stoppers we'd have felt safer but there wasn't, so at nearly midnight we decided to pack up and move on. This meant us driving on unlit and bendy roads unsure of where we were headed. Luckily part way through the night we found a marina car park and pulled in there. Anyone who drives a campervan will know, that when you put the bed down at night loads of 'stuff' gets chucked in the front seats especially for us as we have a dog cage in there with a dog in. Packing up in the night meant our pull out bed had to be put away to accommodate the dog and cage, so at the marina where there were other vans with people in bed, we realised we couldn't get the bed out as we'd have made too much noise. So with Simon spread across the front seats and a gear stick prodding in his nether regions and me in the back seat sat up but sliding off the seat every two minutes into a dog cage, sleep was difficult. By 5:30 we couldn't stand the discomfort any longer so got up and moved on towards Galway. Interestingly one of the main signature points of the WAW are the Cliffs of Moher, which are supposed to be spectacular and a must see. During our night relocation we initially drove up to the cliffs visitor centre in the hope we could park there and get to see them the next morning. Unfortunately, we found the centre was cordoned off for improvement work and temporarily closed, this meant no overnight parking and us missing out on what is considered one of the best parts of the Wild Atlantic Way. We decided however that we could tick off we'd been but only as far as the car. Next day we did wonder how close to the edge we were on that precarious little road in the dark! So having been but not seen the cliffs we headed on to Galway in search of 'something' that would give us back a sense of normality. Most of the West of Ireland goes through small villages and towns, were facilities are limited out of 9-5 hours, we were also into the early hours of Bank Holiday Monday so felt going into Galway would be fruitless for refreshments or supplies but maybe a very good way to see the city and its architecture without competing with traffic jams and busy city folk. Indeed it delivered that, Galway at 5:30 in the morning in a campervan is a beautiful city it has the famous bay of course, but also a marina, historic buildings, parks, and quant shopping streets. But most relevant to our predicament at that point in time was not history or culture but a modern day retail park and those big beautiful Golden Arches we spotted from a distance. Our faces lit up when we realised that despite the hour we were about to partake in breakfast McMuffins, hash browns and lashings of tea - ah thank goodness for Micky D's! Fully refreshed we left Galway and headed to our next campsite stop - Eco Beach near Clifden. Martha and the Muffins van singalong over, we settled in to 2 days of relaxation. This campsite is wild, remote and on the beach - perfect for kicking back. We spent two days, walking the dog on the beach, reading, talking and just looking out at the sea. Oh and one mile down the beach at Claddaghduff is Sweeney's Bar, where we had a Guinness and the best Seafood Chowder for lunch. Also of note was that we were allowed 'inside' with our dog, renewing our faith in Irish dog friendly pubs that had been dashed in Schull. As well as the beautiful sweeping beach you can cross a causeway to Omey Island famous for its last permanent resident being a stunt man on James Bond films and for a horse racing meetings on the beach. Whilst at Eco Beach, Simon managed a peaceful cycle ride around the local area, whist I felt inspired to paint a water colour of the bay sat at the back of the van. Next we headed further along "those twisting, turning, winding roads of Galway and Mayo" (Saw Doctors van singalong) ....to Westport, having lunch on the pretty harbour and then on to Achill Island and camping almost on the beach and next to the local surf club. Surf was definitely up and we headed straight out for an almost horizontal walk along the windy beach, bracing as it was the views again were spectacular, Clare Island in the distance, some of the steepest sea cliffs in Europe either side of the bay and Slievemore mountain lurking magnificently in the background. After a van tea, we spent a few hours curled up just looking out at the bay and what made us smile most were the mummy sheep pottering along with their little lambs in tow. Next day we headed out for a 7 mile loop walk along an ancient track under Slievemore Mountain to visit the 'Deserted Village' An archeological area dating back to the Neolithic period 5000 years ago, the village itself has 80 plus derelict cottages and pasture land dating back to Medieval times. It is a tranquil but haunting site. Stepping inside one of the buildings with the remains of its thick stone walls you could imagine the shelter they brought to a hard working and isolated community on the wild Atlantic hillsides. We were grateful arriving back in Achill for a pot of tea and a slice of Banoffee Pie at the Beehive Craft and Tea Shop. So another week almost completed on our Ireland trip. Whilst this week has been amazing and we are having the time of our lives, there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about and missed Barney. You see, van life, hills, beaches and adventure were his thing and not having him by my side is difficult. But I do now have Skyler and luckily he is loving this life too and proving to be a wonderful companion, although he keeps us on our toes with his energy and spirit. But what's most interesting is that when I feel sad about Barney he seems to know and comes to snuggle up to me.

[nintendobiitch]

ALL THE 80’S MOVIE ASKS DO EM ALL

OMG BABE TSYM

And @adora-milaje thank you for asking toooo my bud I’ll just put all the answers here :)

Bill and ted’s excellent adventure: Are you more of an optimist or pessimist?

More of an optimist I think! Like, I’m not wholly irrational, I don’t completely inflate my expectations, but I also can’t help looking forward to stuff or just hoping that it goes well. I find the idea of constantly expecting the worst just super depressing. Like yeah you’re technically “never disappointed” but you also don’t get the excitement of anticipation? I dunno.

Back to the future: Which decade in the last century would you most have liked to live in?

I mean tbh as far as basic civil rights go the 20th Century was largely a catastrophe but purely for fashion/film/music purposes I would rock the 1980s.

The breakfast club: Which high school stereotype do you fit into best?

UMMM I have no idea tbh. Like, nerd but a nerd who’s bad at maths? Idk.

Ferris bueller’s day off: What’s your guilty pleasure?

There’s this one coffee shop that I practically live in, like well enough that I know the owner now, and it’s not exactly a “guilty” pleasure but I’ve definitely spent far more money there than I should have haha

Footloose: Who did you last dance with?

When I went clubbing with a bunch of friends to celebrate the end of exams! So my future housemate Becky and a bunch of my other close friends :)

The goonies: What was the last thing to make you laugh?

Just 20 minutes ago I was laughing at my friend James while we played Portal 2 co-op. He died. He died so much.

The outsiders: Why is your best friend your best friend?

OH MAN this is so hard cause like, there are multiple people I’d consider my best friends. My friend Lizzie I’ve known since I was two, she’s so easy to talk to, she cheers me up no matter what, I just feel completely comfortable in her company. My friend Nat I met this year at uni and we have so many similar interests, she’s one of the coolest, funniest people I’ve ever met and we just clicked super quickly. My friend Lucia has been with me through so much difficult shit, she cares so much for me and it’s so lovely. My friend Cosi I can go without seeing for a year and then feel like no time has passed when we next speak.

The lost boys: Would you rather be immortal or objectively beautiful to everyone?

Objectively beautiful??? I’m vain as hell and I think immortality is more of a curse than a blessing tbh

Labyrinth: What’s the relationship with your siblings like?

Great! I love my little brother so much. He’s a dumbass but he’s my dumbass, and really surprisingly respectful for a 14 year old boy. He’s my person to yell about nintendo stuff to, it’s awesome.

The karate kid: When did you last have to work really hard to achieve something you’re proud of?

One of the things I’m most proud of recently is getting my Camp America placement! I had to do three interviews and fill out a huge application, and it’s for a job that is literally a dream come true for me, so I’m super happy I got it! Only two weeks until I head out to New Hampshire now!!

Stand by me: Why did you last go on a road trip?

I really haven’t been on that many road trips tbh. You can drive the length of England in like less than a day. I guess technically the last thing was when I drove back up to uni after the Easter holidays haha

Pretty in pink: What’s your signature ‘look’?

I Do Not Have One hahaha. I swap between styles pretty much constantly. I have an insane number of button up shirts so I’m either high-key flannel lesbian or quite feminine skirt/dress type clothes, totally depends on my mood. I guess the most “signature” thing I own is my dungarees? I wear them a looooot.

Drugstore cowboy: Which historical figure most spikes your interest?

Bruh I’m a history student this is a dangerous question hahaha. Big fan of ALL the Russian tsars, especially Catherine the Great, and Nicholas I. Also love a bit of Otto von Bismarck. Charles II was a mad lad and I love him for it. James I was gay as shit and I respect that. And who doesn’t love Louis XIV? The Viking leader Guthrum was pretty snazzy too y’know I respect him. I really could keep going hahaha.

Ghostbusters: Where were you when you watched your favourite movie for the first time?

Bold of you to assume I have just one favourite movie lol. The one that comes to mind though is when I first watched Inception at my friend Lizzie’s house! Fuckin love that movie so much.

Sixteen candles: At which age do you consider a person to be mature?

Totally depends on the person, and also what you mean by mature. Like anywhere from sort of 15-18 you can start talking to someone like an adult, people start forming more personal/informed opinions about the world, making decisions about their future, but they’re also still children in so many ways. I was dumb as shit at 15 but I also really wasn’t a baby anymore either. It’s a weird age period.

Dirty dancing: Where were you when you first heard your favourite song?

OOOH again, favourite song SINGULAR? One of the songs I treasure the most (Disloyal Order/FOB) I was in the kitchen doing my art coursework, this huge intricate batik thing, and it was the first time I listened to folie a deux and I totally lost focus on my art, I just sat there drinking in this song, every word felt so perfect, ugh I love it

Better off dead: Why did you last laugh so hard it reduced you to tears?

SO I was drunk off my ass, a group of us had gone for cocktails, and my friend Nat showed me that meme of pitbull stretched really big that’s just captured “mr wide” and I lost my SHIT, literally laughed for ten straight minutes, tears streaming down my face, it was the purest joy I’ve ever felt haha

Heathers: Did you apologise the last time you were unreasonably mean?

Yes? I think so. Hard to pinpoint the last time I was mean to someone for no reason, but I tend to feel guilty very quickly and I already say sorry every third word so...

Parenthood: Is there anyone you’re not biologically related to that you consider ‘family’?

I’ve name dropped her a lot already but my friend Lizzie is basically my sister haha. My friend Freya has been calling herself my sister for six years and she pretty much is by now too.

Permanent record: Where were you the last time you told someone you loved them?

I was in right here in bed, texting my girlfriend Maya haha. I guess the last time I said it to someone’s face was last Saturday before she left to go back home, and that was outside her block.

St. Elmo’s fire: What’s one piece advice you would give to someone two years younger than yourself?

A) You are not a grown-up yet, please go easy on yourself you still have so so much growing to do! B) You don’t have to know your passion yet, you don’t have to figure out your whole life at sixteen. There are a lot of things you don’t have control over right now and that’s frustrating and shitty but believe me it gets so much better. Hang in there.

Dangerous liaisons: Which language would you most like to learn?

French or Greek! French because I studied for-fucking-ever but I never got close to fluent (admittedly because I’m impatient as hell haha) and Greek because it’s the language my dad speaks and I wish he’d taught me when I was younger!

Rumble fish: Who do you look to for guidance in times of need?

My mum! I’ve always been able to go to her for help and advice which has been really great, although certainly more recently there’ve been times I’ve rather asked my close friends for comfort too.

E.T.: What’s one ‘weird’ feature that you love about yourself?

Nothing particularly quirky or different about me. My eyes are different colours which I’ve always thought was pretty cool!

Young guns: What’s one style that you love on others, but would never try yourself?

Literally EVERYTHING my girlfriend wears oh my god she is a fashion queen and I’m so shook every time I see her. She fucking rocks fishnet tights and idk if I’m feeling that look for myself but she looks AMAZING.

Oxford blues: Why did you last pretend to be something you’re not?

I guess the last time I was really pretending to be someone was before I came out to my parents. It never felt like a big deal until I came to uni and actually had the chance to express myself and feel comfortable doing it, then it felt like I was constantly lying to them.

Dead poet’s society: The last time you made a decision that everyone around you told you not to make, how did it work out?

Surprisingly, I’ve not done anything stupid enough recently for people to all tell me it’s a bad idea? Huh.

[isold7millionofthatalbum]

30 things I learned before 30

1. Your mistakes do not define you. How you grow and learn from your mistakes is what defines you. I spend so much time dwelling on the past thinking about what I could have done differently. There are a lot of things, I learned “the hard way” by making mistakes. There are times where I’ve been that toxic person that people have had to cut out of their lives, and if you’re one of those people I’m truly sorry for how I’ve hurt you.

2. Maybe the bullying throughout all of my time in school actually helped shape me. Being tormented from elementary all the way through high school took a huge toll on me emotionally; I lack confidence in almost every way, I worry too much, I don’t trust easily (particularly other girls). But, perhaps it’s the reason why I’m overly compassionate and empathetic and why I intend to raise my kids to be better than that.

3. Don’t expect an apology from people. Even though I lay in bed at night thinking of every single person I’ve ever hurt and feeling terrible about it, not everyone thinks that way. You can only take accountability for what you’ve done and apologize for your own actions.

4. Do what makes you happy. When it comes to making decisions for myself I very much value other peoples opinions, but at the end of the day.. I’ve learned to do what makes me feel good.

5. Don’t compare what you have to what your friends have. This never goes well. A majority of the time you just see/hear the best parts of their life and not what actually goes on behind the scenes.

6. Be yourself. Who cares if you’re 30 years old and Taylor Swift is what makes you happy? Own the things that you enjoy. Why live to impress other people?

7. It’s never too late to say “thank you” to someone. If you feel gratitude for something someone did for you 5, 10, 15 years ago—don’t be afraid to reach out and thank them. Thank you’s don’t expire and I’m sure the recipient will appreciate it.

8. Hangovers last for days after you turn 25. Drink a combination of water/electrolytes before you go to bed drunk. You will thank yourself in the morning.

9. Cats are superior to dogs. I said what I said.

10. Life doesn’t always go as planned, so go with the flow. This should be a given by now, however I can feel myself get really upset if something doesn’t happen the way I hoped it would. So now, I try to find ways to accept the change and roll with the punches. If a global pandemic has taught me one thing, it’s this.

11. You cannot please everybody. I’m a people pleaser or at least I try to be. Though this charactaristic has it’s downsides. I’ve realized that people are always going to have something to say. You may never get 100% buy in from people for your ideas or decisions, but I’m learning to have a backbone and stand by my decisions.

12. Step outside of your comfort zone. I spent my mid-late 20’s terrified to leave my own house. 3 years ago my two best friends said they were booking me to go on a trip to Nicaragua. I (reluctantly) gave them my passport information. As the trip approached, my anxiety skyrocketed and I almost didn’t board the plane. FOMO got the best of me and thank god for that. I had the time of my life. Since then I’ve been trying to make up for my lack of travelling and one of my biggest fears has turned into one of my biggest passions.

13. The slow cooker was one of the greatest inventions of all time. I didn’t learn how to cook until this past year. I knew some of the basics and easy things to make but this year is when I challenged myself a bit. I started with the slow cooker and I love it. I still don’t love cooking, but when I do it, I just throw everything in there and it turns out pretty damn well.

14. True friends don’t point out your physical flaws. And when they do, it’s because they’re insecure about themselves. This sounds cliche to say, but when people are more concerned about “how big your nose is” or wishing for [so and so] “to get fat”, it’s not because they’re happy with themselves. It’s because they want you to feel bad about yourself, so that they can feel that much prettier or skinnier or whatever it is they were aiming for. I’d rather not be friends with people who make me feel like I’m competing in a beauty pageant or like I’m not good enough to be their friend. Next.

15. Be present. This was a mantra I kept hearing at yoga over the years and never truly considered how to apply it to my life, outside of a yoga studio. I’ve spent the last 15 years trying to find ways to eliminate my anxiety and one of the big contributors is social media.

16. Consider the holistic approach to health & wellness. Don’t worry, this doesn’t involve healing with magic crystals (no judgement to anyone who is into that). This is just me speaking from my own experience. I spent 3 years on anti-depressants and for the first year (or so).. I loved them! I thought they were great and that I was set for life. Until, I was forced to take a step back and look at what they were actually doing to me. I wanted to sleep 24/7. I would be struggling to keep my eyes open at work, sleeping in my car on my lunch breaks, I was irritated, lashing out all the time, having frequent meltdowns, forgetting everything, gaining weight and on top of that.. my anxiety was worse than ever. I made the decision to go off of them and physically, it was one of the most difficult things I’d ever done (your body becomes dependent on them). Now, I recommend a combination of vitamins/supplements, changing your diet, yoga, massage, chiro, seeing a psychologist. I suck at maintaining all of these things because it’s a lot, but when I do I feel a lot more clear and less stressed.

17. Write things down. I’ve never been one to journal or write down how I feel because I always end up feeling embarassed that I felt that way. However, one of my friends (thanks Laura) convinced me to check out this book “Burn After Writing”. I only answer a few questions a week but it’s definitely a great stress reliever. Also writing down all of these points has been quite helpful too..

18. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. This might go hand in hand with #11. This is still such a hard for me to accept because I dwell on it way more than I should. When someone doesn’t like me, I take it to heart. And even though I’ve dealt with this my whole life.. it never really got any easier. I will lose sleep wondering what I’ve done to that person to upset them and how I can make it up to them. But I’m slowly (very slowly) starting to understand that no matter how nice you are or how hard you try some people are still not going to like you and that’s ok.

19. Having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card. When I was a kid, reading was my biggest passion. I would start and finish novels in one day. I lost my passion for reading somewhere in high school or maybe just before that. Recently, some friends of mine convinced me to join a book club. I enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would and it reignited my love of reading.

20. Christmas is my favourite holiday. #1. I love winter so much. #2. I turn into a fucking elf baking cookies in the kitchen and it brings me so much joy. #3. Christmas lights look so nice #4. Nutmeg and cinnamon on everything. #5. Yes to all the Christmas music. Thanksgiving is a very close second though because I’m always grateful to spend time with my family and reminisce and eat food.

[the-legal-duchess]

Reflecting on 2017 and Setting Goals for 2018

2017 was a good year. My husband and I were just talking about how nothing terribly exciting happened- it was just an average, good year for us. I really can't complain about that; generally, our family was healthy and happy and we made a lot of great memories.

Early 2017 started off exciting when we rescued our sweet Annie. This dog reminds me of all that is good in the world. When we adopted her, she was 1.5 years old and had already had a litter of puppies, had been shot in the shoulder with a pelleted shotgun which it healed poorly without medical attention and the pellets are still in her leg encased in a large amount of scar tissue and leaves her with a small limp, and she was found running stray on the streets of Kentucky. After all of that, this dog is still the sweetest and happiest dog I have ever had the privilege of knowing and has a trademark smile for whenever she gets excited. She fits perfectly in with our other two dogs and has meshed into our life like she was always here. We simply cannot imagine our life without her now and we are so thankful we got to adopt this sweet little angel. #adoptdontshop

January also featured me getting reared ended in a hit and run which lead to two weeks of my husband and I share a car and a rather big bill to get my car fixed. Not very fun but I am just thankful I was not injured and the car was fixable thanks to good insurance.

Most of my spring was just busy busy busy with law school. Over spring break I had an emergency root canal which put a little damper on my vacation time. I did finish spring semester strong with a big improvement on my GPA and my first A in law school. Soon after, I found out I made the Moot Court Products Liability team which was a big dream of mine in law school.

I spent my summer interning at my local prosecutor's office and I loved absolutely every minute. I had the opportunity to work on murder cases, write official briefs and memos and attend and assist at several trials. I have officially decided that criminal prosecution is where my career plans lay and I can't wait to continue forward in my career path by interning with a local Judge this coming summer.

At the end of the summer, my hubby and I took a vacation to Maine. Maine is one of my absolute favorite places on earth- my dad grew up there and we have visited almost every year of my life. It is one of few places I can visit over and over again and love it just as much every time. We had a wonderful and relaxing week full of ocean views, mountain hikes and family time. If you are looking for a vacation spot, mid-coast Maine is one of the best.

School started back up in August and I embarked on my busiest semester to date. I started working in Law School admissions as a student ambassador and I absolutely love it. It is the best job as I love helping new law students (hence the whole point of this blog) and I have the best bosses! I enjoyed most of my classes this past semester: I took a Criminal Adjudications class with my favorite professor which I absolutely loved, I took an appellate procedure writing class to prepare for my moot court competition in the spring which was so informative and helpful and I surprised myself by getting through a very challenging commercial paper class despite my lack of natural ability in those type of classes. My grades are trickling in slowly and thus far I have been very pleased and my GPA is rising. In between the craziness of school and life, I did get a chance to go to two amazing concerts: I saw the legend himself, Sir Paul McCartney, and he was just as fantastic as I expected. I also saw my favorite artist of all time, Garth Brooks, and it was the absolute best night.

During the early Fall semester, I competed in my school interscholastic appellate advocacy competition. This was fashioned in the format of Moot Court and involved weekly head to head argument sessions that eliminated one person each time, bracket style. I made it all the way to the final four in my class which involved arguing in front of three federal judges and my entire school. It was a grueling experience on top of all my regular school work and my job but it was such a wonderful opportunity and I grew so much as an advocate through it.

We had a lovely, quiet holiday with family and enjoyed a white Christmas for the first time in years. The snow is still hanging around and I am hoping we can sneak in a ski trip sometime soon.

That brings me to now- winter break. I have been lounging around the house, reading novels, drinking too much hot tea and completing some various little projects and cleaning/organizing around our home. This time to relax, reflect and rejuvenate had given me some time to think toward the new year and all that I want to accomplish. 2018 will bring another semester of law school, my first moot court competition, a new internship, a Carribean cruise in May and I am sure many other adventures. I did sit down to make out a few goals.... we shall see how I do with those.

2018 Goals

1. Make My Health a Priority

I recently purchased a treadmill and I am absolutely determined to get in shape and run a 5K in 2018. I have a Fitbit, I have a jug of lemon water in the fridge and I am ready to get in shape. I am tired of spending my days hunched over a desk and feeling like a bump on a log. I am also starting the Tone It Up 5 day Detox tomorrow (you can still sign up and it' completely free!) and even once that ends, I am vowing to eat healthier and improve my overall wellness in 2018.

As a part of improving my physical wellness, I am working on my mental wellness as well. I have been on a mission to remove as much negativity from my life as possible- cut out toxic friendships and toxic influences. I am trying to make an effort to seek out the positive in every day... something I have always struggled with as I can be a somewhat glass half empty type of person. But I am vowing to try see the glass half full from now on. I am vowing to be a better friend, a better daughter, sister, wife, dog mom and overall better and less negative person.

Also, I am working to make social media a little less toxic. The beauty of social media is the connections and relationships it fosters. The ugly side of social media is that it encoruages comparing yourself to everyone else and only seeing the highlight reel of peoples lives. This can feed into my natural propensity for not seeing the positive so I am trying to delete any negative influences through social media and make a constant effort to see the best out of social media and not compare myself to the highlight reels of seemingly perfect Instagram feeds. I know guilty of this as much as anyone else- as a blogger, I tend to carefully select everything that goes on my blog or social media and it becomes a bit of a highlight reel... I try to strive for transparency and try to keep it real but I, like most, fall into the trap of only showing the best parts of life on social media. In the new year, I am going to try to keep in mind that behind every gorgeous, jealousy-inducing Instagram feed, is a normal person who has struggles and ugly moments just like me... letting that jealousy from comparing myself eat away at me is just silly so I am going to try my hardest to avoid that from now on.

Similarly, this is true in law school as well. It is a competitive environment. It is easy to compare your grades to others, be jealous of someone else internship or job... this is not helpful. In the new year, I am doing all of this for me. The only grades I am trying to be better than is my grades from last semester. The only internship I care about is my own. I am getting this law degree for ME and the accomplishments of everyone else is irrelevant to that goal.

2. Professional Networking

As an aspiring attorney, networking is so key in getting jobs in the future. In fact, both my internships thus far in law school have been the result of pure networking and had nothing to do with my grades or anything else. In the new year, I am setting a goal to increase my legal contacts through networking and start setting myself up for the post-graduation job f my dreams.

3. Be a Better Wife

In the hustle and bustle of life, I have realized I often forget to put my husband first. Remedying this is one of my goals for the new year. I am blessed to be married to a thoughtful, sweet, patient man who goes out of his way to make my life easier and works so hard to support me through law school. My goal is to remember to thank him more often, send a surprise note and cookies in his lunch more often and make at least one evening a week a date night where I turn off everything else spinning around my mind and focus on my husband and my marriage. After all, we are still technically newlyweds LOL.

4. Explore

It is easy to get caught up in the day to day routine and forget to explore. When I was in Europe for study abroad, I explored: I tried new things, stumbled upon crazy adventures and had the time of my life. I am not in a place in life where exploring can be European vacations but it doesn't mean that I have to stop exploring completely. In 2018, I am going to make exploring more of a priority. I am going to explore other places through books, I am going to explore my city on weekends, I am going to explore my limits by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and eat new foods, try new drinks... basically I am going to treat everyday life like it's a European vacation and find the beauty in every day, ordinary things and attack life with the mentality of exploration.

So that's my recap of 2017 and my goals for 2018... I am really looking forward to another great year. Hopefully, I can stick with my goals! I hope everyone has a safe and fun New Year's Eve and a wonderful 2018.