#even though I'd read the shit out of that

[ilikelookingatthings]

likelookingatthings Go full metal alchemist ford!

greycoffeethe amount of angst an AU like this can create... dang i need this as a fic so bad

ilikelookingatthings@greycoffee The fact when you commented this so I told my sister and she isn't even in the gravity falls fandom...yet immediately pingponged alternate ways a full mental alchemist gravity falls fic au could go.

Stan as Edward whose brother's body was lost like al as a parallel to ford accidentally getting sucked in the portal and how stan was burned with a reminder.

. The burning house losing identity parallel to not turn back til he gets his brother back. A version where ford's soul was lost but not his body and Stan gets punched in that white void like when Ed sees his brother.A version where like normal full mental fird is in a suit like al and lost his body.

A version where Stan has to pretend to be his alchemist brother but can't do alchemy...just conning his way into people believing it.

How you coukd mix different aspects together. Professor Markov with his research and paranoia similar to ford. How maybe they tried to mess with a taboo. Like maybe they were trying to bring someone back....or maybe ford got tricked by the hulunculi becayse ifvhisctendency to push boundaries in research bht realized he went too far or something..aspect of government conspiracies and how the philosophers stone also connects gold/wealth which stan was obsessed with.

Even brought up a thought if a Stanford stanely parallel with greed and the prince. And a unending options defending on what ratio you lean toward .

Greycoffe@ THESE ARE SUCH GOOD IDEAS HOLY SHIT?? like another idea I got from one of yours is Dip&Mab being Ed&Al and after trying to bring back their dead loved one, have to move in with Stan (this version's Pinako) who's taking care of Pacifica (can be someone else, but I thought she'd be a cute love interest for either twin).

greycoffee i really enjoyed reading your ideas but I cannot for the love of me write out a fully fleshed out fic bc I'm already writing other AUs 😭 (i shall keep this in my notes however :3)

Ford could possibly be someone like Hohenheim with Bill being the homunculus in the flask, etc etc

ilikelookingatthings@greycoffee Ooooh that's fun! Cuz Pacifica abd windy are blonde..also some potential if she represents king Bradley's kid. What with her family being rich and the theme of corruption of rich government people. There is also the option of what if Stan if Stan is the alchemist teacher.....

ooooh or if dipper and Mabel represent Edward while stan is al.Personally off arc I'd picture her as from the north fortress from the Armstrong family.

or that guy with a mustache from the mining town who gets overthrown by the siblings meddling who gets caught up in shenegans and petty talks of revenge but who slowly gets a arc if being a better person.

Huh...just realized Pacifica could also be greed, the prince or Mei since her sense of importance and need to make her family happy and her struggle to understand friends.

Want to throw out there fiddleford could be doctor Markov. And for fun and not for real...Barry the butcher as stan.

Though if Pacifica is winry would that make that ghost who hates her family scar? Though if she's a Armstrong would that make sloth the ghost?

Honestly I get the feeling. I'm so behind on getting through my fanfiction tabs the thought of writing myself even when I have ideas to chew on can feel like too much at times.

I'm gonna reblog this conversation. See if anyone else wants to chew on this bone.

Extra thought...stanley and fird as Riza and mustang considering the trying to become mayor plot line and who we knkw gets injured in the end.

Also a funny imagine is while adjusting ages xan wirk...just imagine all the characters the same age in gravity falls and things get ten times more hilarious (or sad depending) cuz the government has a bunch of kid employees running things. Just imagine old stan and ford as the elric Brothers while the kid superiors are dipper and Mabel.

Was inspired by this

Ford "Icarus didn't flap hard enough" Pines

[cr4zy-cycl0n3]

Yo! I'm doing a Heroes of Olympus rewrite!

I'm not a huge fan of how some scenes go in canon and how the characters esp the gods are handled in Hoo, and after reading one too many rewrite/AU fics, I've decided fuck it, imma make my own.

I'm changing quite a few things, like:

- making Piper's memories not be tampered with and as a result be way closer to Leo (credit to Heroes of Juno by @queenjunothegreat for this idea!)

- MOTHERLY HERA/JUNO WHO PSEUDO-ADOPTS JASON FTW also parental Lupa but that'll be more apparent in a Jason prequel/sequel(depends on how I wanna format it) I’ll write after TLH is done

- slowburn valgrace instead of comphet jiper

- Leo and Piper QPR(+Jason when Piper stops being his #1 opp). Jasipereo ftw babyyy

- the whole series is just gonna have a good deal of focus on the Lost Trio. I'm not gonna shaft anyone ofc but my favorite punching bags characters are just gonna get extra love :3

- Jason's gonna be considerably more feral cuz CMON MAN WAS RAISED BY WOLVES(this is more prominent in the later books cuz in TLH he was alr feral, going at 2 giants with his BARE ASS HANDS)

- Jason has more bite cuz DAMMIT HE DESERVES TO BE ANGRY/BITTER AND CLAP BACK. HIS LIFE IS SHIT, LET MY BRO BE MAD

- more exploration into Jason's character cuz man was shafted so hard :(

- exploration of characters' powers in general, def buffing the Big Three kids to be as strong as Percy cuz holy cow he's OP. I love Percy and his OP-ness, but the other Big Three kids should be just as OP

- Zeus is the God of Justice, which we don't see much of in PJO's characterization of him, but Jupiter is Roman and hence is much more strict in the RRverse, so consequently I think his domain of law and order is more central to Jupiter than his greek counterpart, so I'd like to explore Jason having powers related to that and being an absolute powerhouse when it comes to debates and politics despite hating them

- characterizing the Gods differently from canon as I'm a Hellenist and writing them as they are in canon makes me like. Kinda uncomfortable. I will be using mythic literalism as that is what PJO/HoO's based on and I'm not rewriting the very foundations of the series, so they will still have committed the things they did in mythology, though I'm keeping them largely unaltered from the Og greek mythos and unsanitized as this isn't intended for a young audience like PJO is. Their behavior won't be exactly like their depictions in myths nor how they actually are irl, it's a mix of both(Ex: Zeus has still done heinous shit so he won't be as great as he is irl, but he isn't supremely petty and bitchy like he is in PJO.). This uhh. Will probably mean that PJO events would go differently which would influence HOO but if I think about that too much I'm gonna wanna do a PJO rewrite too and akbhdhd so just imagine that everything that goes on in PJO goes as canon (for now at least) for some reason or another.

- Octavian and Jason are were best friends cuz I said so. This change is inspired by To Storm and Fire(a Heroes of Olympus rewrite) which I am in LOVE with. The antagonistic side characters(like Drew and Octavian) got very little development or character exploration so l'm definitely giving them that in my rewrite!

- The Seven feel and are much closer together

- delving more into the sevens' trauma pre-camp, might also do a one/two shot for each of them. Jason’s a given cuz I’m writing a whole ass fic or even series dedicated to his past, Leo and Piper definitely, probably also Hazel and Annabeth, not sure on Percy and Frank cuz for Frank I’m def going into the trauma that comes with growing up in an Asian household but don’t have too many ideas on how to execute that, and for Percy I don’t have all that many ideas in general outside of the little we know in PJO(I used to think we knew a lot but honestly, we really don’t? Like we know Poseidon left, Sally had to work a lot, Gabe sucks, and he got kicked out of 6 six schools in 6 years and the reasons, but we don’t have any concrete details. There might be more in HoH, I haven’t read it yet so lmk if there is). Open to any ideas for this!

- camp is. Tense. It's been only a few months since the war, grief is still fresh, and Jason being tall, blonde, and blue-eyed with a scar ain't helping 💀 some people think Silena was a hero, others think she was a villain, some people sympathized with Luke, others despised him, there's a lotta differing views.

I have loads more ideas that I won't get into here cuz the post'll get way too long, but l'd love to hear what you guys think! What scenes/characterizations should I change? What topics would you like to see handled differently? What should I add? I'm open to any and all suggestions!

Currently outlining TLH, will start posting it on my ao3 once I have the first chapter and 4-5 buffer ones written so I'll prolly start posting it in a month or two? Idk, depends on my workload irl and if I get hit by writer’s block. Maybe less, maybe more, who knows. I'll be writing a bunch of shorter stories for specific moments, time between books, and namely a prequel/tih sequel focusing on Jason's past and who he was before Hera wiped his memory. Open to any suggestions for additional works too. Feel free to drop any questions and suggestions bout the rewrite here or in my ask box!

[andypantsx3]

Say andie what makes the booktok recs unreadable for you?

It’s the absolute cringeyness for me

Lol setting aside how rich it is for me to give any critique when I'm sure I could not do half as well as any booktok author... For me there are two things that make me put down a book: 1) the prose, and 2) unoriginality.

Last night I immediately DNFed a book I'd just acquired because the prose was so instantly dense in what felt (to me at least) like the most try-hard way. I can't quite articulate exactly what I mean as it's more of a feeling, but you know when you can sort of sense a style is not someone's natural style? Ordinarily I don't mind rich prose (I love, like, Elizabeth Kostova and damn can that lady go on). But this felt like the author was specifically endeavoring to sound poetic where simple language would have served better and it sounded unnatural. :/

And, if I may be a shit and complain further, the author set about info-dumping all their world building without even giving us anything (like a character or stakes) to invest in yet. I know some people love that but personally it doesn't work for me. I have to be convinced to read, and if you don't draw me in with some initial investment I find it harder to stick around.

And yeah also originality!! I did not have that particular problem with the book I made the post about, but I do with a lot of booktok recs. I find that a lot of what I enjoy in fanfic (lingering in well-loved tropes, re-exploring certain source materials over and over) is not what I'm looking for in my pubbed fiction. I will not name any particular books because I do not want to yuck anyone's yum but a lot of booktok books these days feel like recycled versions of other books and don't add anything fresh or interesting to the conversation. And it bums me out because I do like material that feels familiar, but I want to see it stitched together in a different pattern, you know??

Anywayyyyyyy that's enough from me. I'm so curious what factors go into "cringiness" though! I wonder if they are similar? What makes a book feel "cringey" to you?

[drdemonprince]

thanks for saying what you have about covert incest. I have this memory of my dad that I won't even type out cuz it's just horrible and I haven't been able to determine if it actually happened or if it's a memory of a dream I had but part of me thinks the former cuz I don't think I could've imagined something so horrible. and he died recently and I was determined to find some kind of physical evidence that it really happened but when my mom was moving she got rid of most of his stuff before I got there and I've been so pissed about it but not able to tell her or anyone why and it just reinforces my upset toward her cuz if it really happened then she didn't protect me and goes out of her way to protect him instead but in reading your posts I'm starting to think that whether it actually happened or not doesn't matter, the feelings are there and they're real and I ought to just treat it as though it really happened. anyway sorry to be vague, this has just been a huge weight on me and I feel like finding your blog on here has been such a blessing, especially cuz this has been weighing on me even more lately cuz I've been identifying as a butch lesbian for awhile but have been wondering if I'm actually a bi trans man and have been wanting to explore sexual experiences with queer men to find out if I'd enjoy it but have been really cautious about it and haven't really tried anything yet cuz I'm scared of what it might bring up in me and I'm autistic too so the whole dating and hookup thing is scary to me even without this memory shit and idk if queer men would be interested in me anyway. but yeah I'm gonna explore those resources you shared when I'm ready and I just wanted you to know you're making a difference even through sharing your experiences on your tumblr blog. and also just wanted to confess all this to somebody so thank you for that too

<3 thanks Anon.

Your feelings and traumatized reactions are real, and your vague sense of a memory almost certainly signals that Something was not Right in the dynamic with your father, and you can stand by that and care for yourself as someone whose boundaries have been trammeled upon even if you never get to know the exact facts of what happened. So much of childhood disappears down the memory hole, and there is no easy accounting for it, but as a therapist once wisely said to me, if a person has a fracture that's consistent with a violent attack, you can often see the effects and care for them even if you can't know exactly what happened there.

I'm glad you're feeling open to the idea of exploring your own sexuality and gender identity, too. There are absolutely queer men, both trans and cis, who will be interested in you, and you can move at the pace that works for you. Remember there are no rules to queer sexuality, that's the whole point -- so you never have to try anything you don't want to do. You can have a rich, fulfilling sex life with men that never involves PIV, if you aren't interested in that, or that is completely dependent upon a kink dynamic that isn't directly sexual. or you can just put yourself on the grindr grid and find some guy who wants to give you a massage or eat you out all day. There's so many kinds of very eager people out there, and so you can be as selective and as firm in your boundaries and vetting as you need to be! There's every kind of person out there. I have some guy in my Fetlife DMs right now who only wants to shave my body; another who only wants to jerk off while watching me smell leather. The world is abundant with funny little opportunities.

[septimusmoonlight]

You doing ok?

hi

[dewwshi]

@davekatweek 2023, day 7: "beginnings"

(n.) the point in time or space at which something begins.

[amegeddon]

Was demonstrating to my friends what I did to get through that one scene from Dan Da Dan while talking about my not wanting to watch Arcane bc there is a sex and why scrubbing through it by dragging the progress bar isn't an option and drew this to demonstrate.

Friends proceeded to tell me to post this here.

It is now here, for some reason.

Oro, Matther, are you happy now? /lh

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

did yall think i was being facetious? think again!

-the Heaven's unofficial blessing-

[note: this is chinese history rpf not tgcf. it is not about your favourite struggling homosexuals. it is about a different set of struggling homosexuals altogether. you're still welcome to read it though!]

"—and where is the Duke of Pei County?" asked Zhang Liang, "I'd like to see him." 

"Oh, uh, certainly, Sir!" cried General Fan Kuai with a rapidly sinking heart. “It’s just that, well, you see…” He quickly cast an eye around the camp as subtly as he could manage, trying—and mostly succeeding—to not look like a retainer whose liege lord had just run off like a randy hunting dog. Shit, shit, shit, but this was on him, let’s be honest. Never assume Liu Bang will stay in the same spot you left him. The fucking Yellow River was less capricious.

"My liege is overseeing the eastern supply depot,” Xiao He lied fluently. Heaven bless the man, he even managed to sound perfectly officious in spite of his stuffy nose, “Sir, why don't you join us for some hot wine while I send a runner to inform him? Duke Liu will make time immediately, I'm sure--" 

Zhang Liang raised his hand and pointed behind them, "Could that be him over there?" 

Fan Kuai didn't need to check if it was Liu Bang or not. Xiao He's frozen expression told him all that he needed to know. The general took a fortifying breath and slowly turned around, as happily as a man being held at sword-point. What he saw made the amicable smile congeal on his face. 

"It's…really too far away to tell," Xiao He said weakly; at the same time, Fan Kuai let out a stifled but very emphatic, "Oh fuck me." 

"I think it is him!" Zhang Liang said cheerfully, pointing out the small figure wandering across the distant hillock. Of the three men, he appeared to be the only one who wasn't appalled or even surprised to see Liu Bang—the new Duke of Pei County, beloved leader of the rebel forces and sworn brother to the fearless Lord Xiang Yu—on his hands and knees, rooting through the mud like a prize-winning sow.

Xiao He made a valiant last stand for the sake of their collective dignities, "the wine, Sir, will be getting cold—”  

"Duke Liu of Pei County, I presume?" Zhang Liang called out in greeting. His soft, lilting voice barely carried over the din of the infantry and horses. For a miserable, hopeful second the two retainers prayed that Liu Bang wouldn't be able to hear him—but bugger them all, Old Liu's wandering attention had a way of picking up the most minute details when it was least convenient. 

"S'goin'on," Liu Bang answered with a toss of his handsome head and a perfunctory bow, all done without getting up. He flashed a winning smile in their general vicinity and went right back to his excavation. 

"Good, he doesn't look busy," said Zhang Liang, "I'll give him my regards now," in a flash, the strategist had tied up his trouser legs and was picking his way through the quagmire. The two retainers exchanged a helpless look of commiseration and quickly followed suit.

The muddy hill proved to be no obstacle for tall, gracile Zhang Liang, who floated over the muck as gently as a soap bubble. His hosts, who were both portly men more inclined to grow sideways than upwards, were left behind to slip and slide in every direction except forwards, all while clinging futility to each other’s shoulders and biting back muffled curses. 

Xiao He nervously dabbed the sweat from his brow as he stumbled along, cheeks aflame. He had served as an indispensable secretary for three magistrates and wrote calligraphy while still in split-pants. He was uncustomed to such ignominy and looked like he wished the earth would swallow him whole the next time he fell flat on his arse. Fan Kuai could sympathize, he wanted the same thing—except with Liu Bang. This was their one chance to impress a local hero, and now it was all going to dogshit because Liu Xiaoer couldn’t do as he was told for half a fucking sichen. 

Zhang Liang, who was nearly at the top, suddenly stopped in his tracks, as if he just noticed he dropped something. He quickly retraced his steps and came back down the hill to help the floundering Xiao He. The strategist was far too slight to act as much of a counterweight, but he made surprisingly effective progress by laying a steadying hand on Xiao He's elbow, and directing him where to step. It improved Fan Kuai’s opinion of him, but not by much.

“Do you need help, too, General?” Zhang Liang asked pleasantly, pausing to hold out a slender white hand that looked like it had never done anything more strenuous than grind ink. Fan Kuai gave a monosyllabic response to the negative, and the hand disappeared back into its sleeve, though the strategist’s bland smile had not budged an inch. 

After what seemed like an epoch of struggling, they finally rounded the hump and came to a plateau that was tolerably dry. The rainwater had been coaxed downhill by the persistent wooing of gravity, and both men breathed a sigh of relief to have solid ground under their feet at last. There was Liu Bang, the colossal pain-in-the-arse himself, staring intently at two deep, parallel furrows in the ground. The gently sloping hill was covered by these jagged trails, stretching at least three-quarters of a li east and west. Each one was around two hands deep and mathematically regular. They were wagon-wheel tracks made by the retreating Qin army six days ago. Their passage had savagely gouged out the wet mud, and the sun had baked it solid, turning the field around them as wrinkled and craterous as the face of a one-hundred-year-old man. 

Liu Bang was kneeling on some dusty, yellow clay, now rendered brick-hard by the sun. He was trying to dig up—or rather, chip away at something with the aid of a twig—and had been going at it for some time without much success, judging by the pile of broken sticks beside him.

When the group appeared in his line of sight, the duke looked up with a smile and cried, "Ah, Secretary Xiao, there you are! Just the man I wanted to see!”

“My liege?” Xiao He panted, trying to retrieve one of his shoes which had been sucked off by the mud.  

“Here,” like a magician performing a trick, Liu Bang produced a bundle of dirty roots and pressed it warmly into Xiao He’s hands, “I got some wild ginger for your cold.” 

“My liege—” Xiao He protested weakly, probably because he didn’t want to go back down that god-forsaken hill with gravity working against him and one hand impeded, but this was interrupted by a phlegmy chest-cough which rendered his argument moot before it could be voiced—so he was left standing there with his arms outstretched, shoe in one hand, ginger in the other, and in the span of those five coughs, Liu Bang’s attention had already packed up and moved along. The Duke turned to Zhang Liang and said solemnly, “Strategist Zhang, on behalf of the Chu Kingdom, we are deeply honoured to welcome your presence again.” 

“Likewise, Duke Liu.” 

“What’s mine is yours, Sir, you need only ask. Chu is eager to help you in any way in order to fight our common enemy.” 

“Your generosity is greatly appreciated, my lord.” 

Fan Kuai let out a sigh of relief. All right, so that wasn’t a total unmitigated disaster. He had been a little apprehensive that Liu Bang wouldn't recognise their guest, he had only spoken to Zhang Liang once in passing, and that had been at Xiang Yu’s extravagant banquet two months prior. Well, jokes on him; Old Liu never forgot a face. The speech itself was faultless too—he just wished the bastard didn't have dirt smeared on his nose. 

“Nice weather, eh?” Liu Bang blew a few loose strands of hair from his eyes. He was no less sweaty or flushed than his men, the only difference was that exertion looked good on him. Handsome buggers like Liu Xiaoer were born with that aura about them, Fan Kuai noted with a touch of angry fondness, it was the one degree of difference that poets used to separate the florid jowl from the rosy cheek. He was also no less dirty than the other men; the only difference was that he did not give a damn and, thus, was quite content. 

Liu Bang caught Fan Kuai’s eye and grinned unreservedly, as if he’d been waiting all day for him to come along. His smile shamed the sun, and Fan Kuai felt the edge of his own mouth creep upwards without his permission. The general frowned harder to compensate. Fuck, it was hard to stay mad at Liu Bang when he was like this. The man's excitement rubbed off like coal dust. One touch and everyone had sooty faces. He had been jealous of Liu Bang, once upon a time, back when he was an attractive, popular, charming boy. The sharp edge of resentment had long been worn smooth by age and intimacy. The years hadn't improved Fan Kuai's own looks, but it had given him wisdom. His childhood feelings had been rooted in fear—fear of being tossed aside like an old toy after this beautiful scatterbrain got bored of him. The thirty years they had spent together had proven otherwise. Liu Bang might get bored of games and objects, but he never got bored of people. 

The Duke of Pei County turned his head to wipe his sweaty brow against his shoulder. It was the same habit he had preserved from childhood, except now his eyes had crow’s feet, his hair was more grey than black, and there was a real sword hanging from his belt instead of a stick. 

"Lost yer keys, did ye?" Fan Kuai grumbled, switching to the informal ‘you’ to make a show of displeasure. He shrugged off the pointed look Xiao He gave him. He didn't give a dog's arse that the so-called genius could hear them bicker. Their 'fearless leader' was literally wiggling in the dirt like a fucking worm, what was there left to salvage? They hadn't so much as lost face as drop-kicked it straight off the edge of a cliff.  

 Liu Bang only grinned in response, "gotta knife?"

Both men answered without hesitation. Years of fielding Liu Bang's non-sequiturs had made them very mentally agile. 

"Unfortunately not, my liege."

"Fuck no," growled Fan Kuai, "and even if I did, I wouldn't let ye dig around the dirt with it!" 

Xiao He looked like he wanted to dive head-first off the proverbial cliff, after their proverbial dignity, "General, please mind your language…" 

"Aw, what a shame," Liu Bang clicked his tongue thoughtfully, "See, the ground's packed solid but I think I can get it out if I had the right tool..." 

Fan Kuai rolled his eyes, "just use yer sword." 

Liu Bang laughed "Old General Fan, it's always blunt force with you! I might chip it if I do that." 

"—and ye still haven't told us what 'it' is!"

"My lord," said Xiao He, endeavouring to get a word in edgeways, "we have a guest here—"

"My hair! Of course!" Liu Bang shouted; his delight was so violent that Zhang Liang, who had been hovering in the background, silently watching the show with his unblinking owl eyes, flinched and covered his ears. 

'So much for a military genius,' Fan Kuai thought wryly, 'the only thing that white-faced little wimp is good for is a bed-warmer. He wouldn't last two seconds on a battlefield—' and then his attention was monopolized once again by Liu Bang. The duke had pulled out his ivory hairpin and was using it to scratch the clay crust with tiny, careful strokes. In spite of his annoyance, Fan Kuai couldn't help but be impressed. In a world where most people thought in straight lines, Liu Bang's mind was capable of moving sideways. Four-fifths of the time, it was a right fucking hassle that led them down all sorts of convoluted paths, but that remaining one-fifth was worth staying around for. 

Xiao He winced, “My liege, I seem to recall that hairpin was part of your wife's dowery."

The blood drained from Liu Bang’s face "Oh, shit…" After a moment of consideration, he set his jaw manfully and resumed his digging, "fuck it, it's already chipped. Ain't no point in quitting halfway, I gotta see this thing through till the end." 

"You're a braver man than me," Fan Kuai muttered; the mere thought of Liu Bang's wife, Lu Zhi, had him subconsciously slipping back into the formal ‘you’. Heaven might have failed to bestow Fan Kuai with looks or charm, but he definitely lucked out in marrying the other Lu sister. 

The hairpin began to grind against pieces of half-buried gravel with a hair-raising screech. The sound made Zhang Liang leap backwards as if he had been burned; his entire face was scrunched up in extreme distaste as if the awful sound was assaulting all five of his senses at once, not just his hearing, but smell, sight, touch and taste as well. 

Fan Kuai laughed rudely. Call it pay-back for the impromptu mud bath or whatever, but that little white-face deserved to be knocked down a few pegs. To his disappointment, Zhang Liang did not seem to register the insult, or even his presence for that matter. He had eyes only for Liu Bang. Far from being angry, the strategist seemed to grow more and more excited with each pass of the hairpin. Nothing showed on his oddly blank face, of course, but he was leaning forward at an oblique angle that was growing steeper by degrees, and his hands were fluttering slightly in his sleeves. Fan Kuai was not easily given to flights of fancy, but he thought he saw a ghostly fire dancing in his eyes. Suddenly, the rumours about Zhang Liang being a wizard seemed a little less implausible. 

"Got it!" Liu Bang gave a triumphant hoot and held aloft his prize. 

General Fan Kuai had made a careful show of being aloof up until this point, but now he pushed forward to see it. The dirty object was no bigger than Liu Bang's palm, it was flat and circular, with a square hole in the middle. It looked like a big version of the First Emperor's half-liang coins. A length of frayed, muddy string was tied to one end. The four men recognised it immediately as a jade pendant, the type that fancy gentlemen were supposed to hang on their waists—something they couldn't afford, even if they pooled all their money together. 

"Nice!" Fan Kuai bellowed, clapping Liu Bang on the back. No need to call in the oracle, this was an auspicious sign if there ever was one! 

“A lovely find, my liege,” replied Xiao He evenly, “shall we make our way back now? We can celebrate with some hot wine—”  

"I was following a rabbit over on that ridge yonder," the duke grinned, "Old Fan, we gotta set some snares later, I have a mighty hankering for stew. It'll go down great with the wolfberries I saw—anyways, the rabbit ran off, but I saw something glimmering over here, so I came up for a look. Good thing I did, eh? All that hard work paid off!” 

A pale, delicate hand reached into the midst of their circle and paused in front of Liu Bang, palm held up expectantly, “Duke Liu, may I wash it for you?" Zhang Liang asked, his head tilted to one side in a bird-like manner. His other hand held a water gourd that Fan Kuai could have sworn up and down had not been there before. 

"Sure, thanks!" Liu Bang was as friendly with strangers as he was with his bosom friends, "is Sir familiar with gemstones?"

Most people—experts, that is—would have done a whole song and dance about how they were talentless mediocrities who would sully the noble art of gem appraisal if they tried their hand at it. Zhang Liang just answered seriously, "Yes, I am." 

"Great, then can you tell me what type of jade this is?"

Zhang Liang took his time washing Liu Bang’s pendant, gently rubbing the carved groves with the tip of his forefinger. After satisfying some standard apparent only to himself, he held it up to the afternoon sun and examined it with one eye half-shut. The jade hung suspended between his fingers, dripping and sparkling like a piece of heaven that had fallen to earth, "this is serpentine." 

To hell with the complicated jargon, "Is it valuable?" Fan Kuai asked eagerly.

Zhang Liang gave him an infuriating half-smile, "No."

"Why not?" Liu Bang cried, looking offended on the jade's behalf, as if it was his darling little daughter being rejected by a suitor, "what could it possibly be lacking? It's elegant, polished, and has a ton of character! The outside is round like Heaven, the inside is square like the earth, and look here, it’s got these two blue lines running through it, just like the Long River and Yellow River! Now that’s a good luck charm if I’ve ever seen it!" 

"All that is true, but beauty is not what makes a gemstone valuable,” Zhang Liang replied, his smile growing exponentially along the twin axes of opaque and infuriating, "Scarcity is what makes it valuable. Everyone covets what no one else can have. A piece of mutton-fat jade is worth ten times its weight in gold because it's hard to come by, not because a white rock is inherently more lovely to the eye than a blue rock.” 

Fan Kuai snorted rudely. Sure, he knew next to nothing about jade or whatever nonsense Zhang Liang was sprouting, but he could smell a huckster from thirty li away—in no small part because he was in-laws to one of Pei County’s finest ones, “And I suppose we should just leave this ‘worthless’ piece of jade in your reliable hands?” 

Zhang Liang handed the pendant back to Liu Bang without looking twice at Fan Kuai, “It is not mine to keep. Besides, General Fan, I did not say it was worthless.” 

“You calling me a liar, Sir?” The ‘Sir’ was enunciated in the same tones as ‘shithead.’

“I'm saying you misunderstood my meaning, General. I did not say it is worthless, I said it had no value.” 

Liu Bang was enjoying the absurd discussion immensely, “But jade is jade, Sir. That’s why it’s valuable. Not only does it ward off evil, it’s also very useful. It’s extremely hard and doesn’t tarnish, so it’s good for pins and cups. People even used it for weapons in the olden days before bronze.” 

“Yes, but it is not inherently worth as much as we pay for it," Zhang Liang replied. "It is valuable because we agree it is. Imagine what would happen if precious gemstones grew on trees,” Liu Bang grinned at the mental image he was painting. “The value of jade would plummet overnight. People would still use it of course, for the reasons you stated, but it would no longer be a precious item that costs many strings of cash. Children would use it to play knucklebones. The First Emperor’s Heirloom Seal would be no better than a pickle weight.”

 “A pickle weight!” Liu Bang laughed uproariously, slapping his knee. In spite of his good humour, the stubborn set of Liu Bang’s chin told Fan Kuai he wanted to argue the point further but could not think of a good rebuttal. Fan Kuai wanted to help, but was equally at a loss. The whole thing felt wrong, like someone saying up was down, like a fundamental truth was being questioned. He almost said, ‘You could sell the jade,’ but to who, exactly? Even he could spot the holes in that logic. Everyone already had it, and jade had limited uses as a practical item. It wasn’t something that could be consumed either, like firewood, or an extra joint of pork you could salt up and hang in the cellar.

“I suppose the analogy is like counterfeiting currency,” Xiao He mused, coming to their rescue. It was amazing how gallant a fat, balding man with a runny nose could be, under the right circumstances, “if there is too much cash in circulation, it will devalue the official mint.”  

“What he said,” Fan Kuai agreed confidently. 

“You can certainly see it that way,” Zhang Liang replied, but his eyes were still boring into Liu Bang, like he was hoping to strike a secret wellspring somewhere inside him, but a wellspring of what, exactly? “Duke of Pei County, if you wish to sell this pendant, do not accept an offer of less than ten strings of cash. That is my final appraisal, should you choose to accept it.” 

“I trust Zhang Zifang wholeheartedly!” said Liu Bang warmly, he rubbed his bearded chin, “but I’ve decided I won’t be selling. It doesn’t seem right to give this jade to someone who only cares about how much money it’s worth. They won’t appreciate it’s beauty like I do. Besides, I was the one who got my hands dirty, I deserve a little keepsake for the effort. It'll make a funny story to tell my grandkids, if nothing else.”  notes:

haha this one was really on the nose guys, but what i can i say, subtlety is not my middle name: liu bang is able climb out of the quagmire and obtain the 'mandate of heaven' because of his opportunistic nature, stubbornness, willingness to get his hands dirty, and some very talented, ride-or-die friends.

Liu Xiaoer: "second-son Liu" childhood nickname based on birth order. Can also be slang for "waiter," given how in-demand he is. I think his more "official" nickname should be Liu Erlang, "Lang" meaning "handsome young man".

"little white face" 小白脸-- twink/ boytoy / kept man.

wolfberries: fun fact, the word 枸杞 sounds like "dogberries" in chinese but it actually a different word. in any case, it still fits the extended dog metaphor, hell, he even digs out the jade with a piece of ivory, which is a fancy tooth!

Fan Kuai is married to Lu Xu, younger sister to Liu Bang's wife, Lu Zhi. man im really enjoying building up Lu Zhi's entrance like she's the secret final boss. yes, it doesn't escape my notice that people seem more scared of her than the actual fucking qin army.

banliang round coins with square holes were standardised during the reign of QSH. A jade pendant in this shape would have been highly unusual (i've never seen one) but there's nothing inherently unlucky/taboo about it (and tbh it's just here for the metaphor) so I'll give it a B- for historical accuracy.

blue and green were called the same thing during this time period 青.

the chu-han contention is rapidly becoming the heartwarming human interest story of a bunch of people coming togather to help a guy with unmedicated adhd ace his job interview

[nostalgia-tblr]

.

[ereborne]

What is a Monday? A miserable little pile of obligations.

semester turnover restructure

generate/send out error reporting

figure out how to separate out unique counts

create polite reply to Massive Dick Move email

finish the bad book >:(

bò kho (not an obligation. dinner)

laundry

lizard bath

[medicinemane]

Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them

Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening

It's all I really ask

[qiu-yan]

[sometime postcanon, after wei wuxian and jiang cheng begin to reconcile.]

[lotus pier.]

wei wuxian: so i was planning on getting lan zhan a present, but then i realized i didn't actually know what he'd want at all. jiang cheng: lan zhan this, lan zhan that. all you've done since coming here is talk about him. wei wuxian: and then i thought i'd go with some food or snacks - can't go wrong with a nice treat, after all - but then i realized i don't even know what he likes to eat! back at the cloud recesses he just eats the same horrid lan fare everyone else eats, and whenever we go out he orders what i like. jiang cheng: this is literally a non-problem. just ask him. wei wuxian: that's not the issue here. i don't know what kind of food lan zhan likes. i don't know what kind of books he reads in his spare time. i don't know what kind of music he enjoys, outside of gusu lan's cultivation techniques - i don't even know what blend of tea he prefers because he only brews what i like! wei wuxian: the one time he mentioned something on his own - he brought up this rare book he'd been trying to find, regret of something or other, but i couldn't find it anywhere! wei wuxian: ....am i a bad husband? jiang cheng: jiang cheng: ugh, fine. jiang cheng: your lan-er likes herbal teas and dislikes fruit teas. he's likes innovative, almost experimental music, and dislikes music that just copies popular trends. as for food, he hates heavier, more oily cuisines, probably because everyone up on his mountain eats nothing but grass; his spice tolerance is shit, which you should know already, but there's this one wonton place here in yunmeng that he seems to like. and he's actually got a bit of a sweet tooth, considering how often he visits that one baobing stand - though it also doesn't seem like he wants anyone else to know. wei wuxian: oh. jiang cheng: as for books, it turns out that the venerable hanguang-jun actually loves trashy romance. the schlockier, the better. the more graphic, the better. and bonus points if there's an asshole ex who gets impaled at the end. wei wuxian: huh. jiang cheng: also, the book you mentioned is probably regret of chunshan. apparently the author moved to a distant land some time ago, which is why copies are so hard to come about these days. i've got three copies in the lotus pier library gathering dust, you can have one. wei wuxian: ....how do you know all this? jiang cheng, remembering all the times he not only served lan wangji nothing but fruit tea but also convinced all the minor sects in yunmeng region to do so as well: jiang cheng, remembering hiring that obnoxious hack musician to travel wherever lan wangji traveled for a full year: jiang cheng, remembering serving lan wangji the greasiest food possible every year he hosted a discussion conference: jiang cheng, remembering baiting lan qiren and lan xichen into vocally denigrating the literary merits of the escapist romance genre within earshot of lan wangji: jiang cheng, remembering telling his disciples to buy up every single copy of regret of chunshan they could find, all because he heard lan wangji was seeking a copy and didn't want him to have one: jiang cheng: uh.....no reason.

zhancheng to me is like this:

imagine a scenario in which jiang cheng actually does know quite a lot about lan wangji's tastes: his favorite and least favorite tea flavors, snacks, food, books, music, authors and artists, and so on.....except jiang cheng specifically sought out this information during the 13 year timeskip to make lan wangji miserable.

maybe lan wangji is just publicly A Bitch to him one too many times and jiang cheng finally decides he's had enough. so, for the next few months, jiang cheng spends an inordinate amount of time gradually sussing out everything he can learn about lan wangji's tastes. what kind of tea does he like? what kind of tea does he despise? which authors does he always read? what temperature does he prefer his room to be? what new trends in music does he find completely unbearable? when he passes through a region whose cuisine he hates, which restaurants does he find slightly less intolerable?

and then, the next time there's a discussion conference at lotus pier, jiang cheng weaponizes this knowledge. actually, the next time there's a public event anywhere wherein both jiang cheng and lan wangji are in attendance, jiang cheng weaponizes the fuck out of this knowledge. he makes sure that the tea lan wangji hates the most is served to everyone. he has his disciples buy all the local snacks he knows lan wangji has a preference for, just so lan wangji can't have any. he makes sure lan wangji's room and bed are heated to the exact temperature lan wangji finds just too hot to be comfortable. whenever lan wangji's favorite obscure author releases a new work that gusu lan doesn't think is cultivation-related enough to include in their library, jiang cheng has a bunch of his disciples swoop in and buy as many copies as possible, just so that it takes lan wangji a bit longer to get his hands on a volume. jiang cheng "leaks" to a few minor sect leaders the idea that lan wangji actually does like spicy food, and said minor sect leaders actually believe that information for a full year of hosted visits and public events.

this continues for all 13 years of the timeskip. of course, jiang cheng isn't outstandingly successful in actually making lan wangji miserable, because there are limits to what jiang cheng can actually achieve and what he's actually willing to spend enough time on; realistically, all he's accomplishing is causing lan wangji some minor irritations once in a while. but it's enough for jiang cheng to know that, every time lan wangji has to pass through yunmeng, he's absolutely miserable because jiang cheng has persuaded/paid every musician in the area to play the one song lan wangji hates the most.

jin guangyao, of course, figures out what's going on immediately. but even loyalty to lan xichen isn't going to make him sacrifice potentially useful dirt by putting a stop to jiang cheng's asshole behavior himself, so instead he just decides to watch and wait. he also just finds it really funny. meanwhile, lan wangji, for all 13 of these years, never figures out what's going on. he never figures out why he can't ever find the lanling-style osmanthus cakes he hates slightly less than the rest of lanling cuisine whenever he passes through the area and runs into disciples from yunmeng jiang. when his favorite obscure author releases a new book, he gets in line at the indie bookstore in qinghe he went out of his way to visit, and just doesn't question why everyone in front of him is wearing purple.

postcanon, though....now lan wangji has one hell of a source of insider information (wei wuxian), so the turns are about to get fucking tabled.

[itsbrucey]

I hope Matt Arnold understands that he has impact on lives bc I'm why am I researching the best Warhammer 40k novels to start with.

[hostilecityshowdown]

i know i'm The Guy who never shuts up about people, especially modern-day professional wrestling fans with little to no awareness of pre-1980's wrestling, needing to read death of the territories. However. bodyslams in buffalo by dan murphy opens with the best overview of the entire history of professional wrestling i've found yet and, overall, it's a much shorter book that doesn't read like a textbook

this is a greatly accessible alternative for anyone who felt overwhelmed by death of the territories' scope, constant stream of factual information with little reprieve, and serious/academic overtone. bodyslams in buffalo has humour, dramatised retellings of events, and exclusive/rarely seen photos from the collections of both pro wrestling illustrated and the families of wrestlers. also: transcribed promotional posters, news articles, and advertisements! highly recommend

and don't forget to continue engaging in active boycotts, demonstrations, letter/email writing, awareness raising, and direct action in support of palestinian freedom and in opposition to the genocide of palestinians.

[elytrafemme]

guys i laurv college like actually. went out w a group of ppl and went to CVS and a mediocre pep rally. had a really sweet exchange w a bus driver. roommates are going out in a large group to have some of that sweet liquid sillies allegedly. i am alone in my dorm despite thinking i'd be the last one awake i am literally the only one here. and i'm happy i think :D

[manic-sapphic]

if it's ok though, i'd like to add my own personal thoughts on the theory here after all - i agree 100 that adora and catra's own individual trauma from the events being replayed to them is what drove them apart - triggering af, to be sure. and not just for catra - though knowing her character, she was the one to be more likely to cave into it.

and just my thought, light hope knew that shit. maybe not at first, but as the two went on? LH not only able to overhear everything but even read their minds and memories (geez tho that reminds me tf outta prime - who we later learn was enemies with the first ones and sought to accomplish similar empirical goals.. "that race of tyrants" [ironic af coming from him ofc]) it seems like it became obvious to LH that if she really wanted to burn the bridge between adora and catra - she needed to focus on catra.

hence the fckin replay for just catra of the promise being made. something LH clearly knew has been on her mind.

yes, after LH's programming caused her to cease to exist after the sword the first ones made was broken, the castle still managed to read adora's thoughts/memories/feelings and project shi it knew might make her more hesitant to carry the failsafe to the heart. it also was still able to deploy it's defense system monster. it had a sort of sentience of its own, clearly.

but in promise, that kinda control the castle still seemed to innately possess towards the finale, was wielded by LH. i mean, i doubt in the actual memory of the promise, catra let go of adora's hand near the door out of the bunkroom and turned back to look at no one. who made little catra do that and look directly into current catra's eyes for a heartbreakingly long moment - if not LH? catra herself? i really doubt it. it was just something LH knew might seal the deal, just from knowing catra's thoughts. it was a tactic of manipulation.

LH was reprogrammed to make sure the heart was set off at all costs - read catra as someone who might get in the way of adora being willing to - and did what she hoped might change that. and catra's traumatized in different, more volatilely expressed ways than adora (that's why it's so much easier for people to hate her than adora) so LH leaned her efforts into breaking catra instead of adora.

i mean, who else set a fuck ton of spider security bots on adora right as catra ran away and adora looked as though she wanted to follow her? adora's distracted fighting those fckers even tho she's she-ra and allowed to be there while split from catra - who's not. but isn't being attacked. just shown some shit that she's visualized enough in her head since the beginning w/o needing a projected & slightly manipulated version from LH.

and it kinda sorta worked enough for catra to embrace her villain role - accept that just like she saw adora as destined to "be the hero" - she was born to the bad guy - the only role she can assume (from her limited scope of the way the world works) will bring her the feelings of strength, safety, and security she's lost in light of adora's absence.

and she tries to do that, and not just live with it, but convince herself she's enjoying it for the better part of the next 3 seasons. and it fucking destroys her :/

it breaks my damn heart. cause just as adora said to her in promise, "i know you're not a bad person, catra."

but it takes catra another 3 seasons to wanna think that could even maybe be true and try her best to live by it.

she wants so badly, after everything, to be the person adora used to think she was and (by some miracle, to catra's mind- at least) still thinks she can be. if she'd just try. so she tries.

<3

light spinner becomes shadow weaver right, so~

it's kinda interesting the equivalent of that kinda antonym shift for her name applied to light hope would be something along the lines of 'shadow of doubt' which is exactly what that bitch pulled on catra in promise. damn u, light hope.