#even tho i hav not done . . . any of the others . . .
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once again
Same with you skip the weird ones
1: Name Robert [rob]
2: Age 14
3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there
4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones
7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]
8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]
10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]
11: What do I miss
cant think of anything rn
12: What time were I born 4am
13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black
15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"
16: Favorite place Arcade
17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]
18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho
19: What am I listening to right now
20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose
21: Shoe size No idea
22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]
23: Hair color black
24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire
25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember
27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc
28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!
29: Favorite song right now it's
30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?
31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling
32: Someone I love You /p
33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married
34: My relationship with my parents lol
35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money
36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear
37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition
38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk
40: Do I ever get āgood morningā or āgood night ā texts? thank you fren /gen
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young
42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms
45: Where am I right now? Bed
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad
49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer
51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way
52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]
55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him
57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?
58: Whatās my strangest talent? I can bird whistle
59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs
61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one
64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe
65: Do I believe in luck? yea
66: Whatās the weather like right now? cloudy n cold
67: What was the last book Iāve read? DnD rulebook
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT
69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot
70: What was the worst injury Iāve ever had? not sure
71: Do I spend money or save it? Save
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant
74: Favorite animal?
FOXES!!!!!!
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down
76: What do I think is Satanās last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious
77: Whatās a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY
78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME
80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]
83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whatās even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation
85: What would be a question Iād be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary
86: What is my current desktop picture? basic
90: Failed a class? classes
94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though
95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet
96: Bullied someone on the internet? no
98: Played on a sports team?
Unless school sport team counts
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no
104: Been overweight? No
105: Been underweight? yea
106: Been to a wedding? ye
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember
109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah
110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess
111: Been to a professional sports game? no
112: Broken a bone? no
113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though
114: Been to prom? we dont have that
115: Been in airplane?
Yeah
116: Fly by helicopter? no
117: What concerts have I been to? none
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda
119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english
120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore
123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now
124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck
125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep
126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad
127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of
128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs
129: Peed outside? Yea
130: Been fishing? nope
131: Helped with charity? yep
132: Been rejected by a crush? nope
133: Broken a mirror? Yep
134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine
i usually get a slice of cake tho
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thinking about dying my bleached section back to brown because itās so damaged at this point even tho i love the way it looks :(((((( iām sad it took so much work to get it the light blonde i wanted but itās been six months since iāve had it and i love it SO MUCH sob but i care more about keeping my hair healthy :/// relate? tell me iāll look hotter with all black hair sob!!!!! did you feel weird when you dyed yours back ugh i just donāt wanna look boring with all one colored hair again!! like thereās nothing particularly unique about the way i look with all brown hair???
omigosh yes nonnie i totally get what u mean ą»ź°ā
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Ā·ć
ā
ź±ą§§ back when i had my white & black hair my white side was sooo damaged too but even now that iām all black u can sooo tell itās been bleached :< it just doesnāt still as well as the other side & still feels so dry even tho i use oils / leave in conditioner etc ! but all brown hair would look so amaze on u iām so sure of it :3 iām getting my roots done tomorrow thankfully so iāll be all fresh but JOIN ME <333 youāre so pretty u could pull off anything !!! tbf i loved my split dye but i just feel like all black hair is totally for me :< idk if itās cos i hav light eyes but i just feel like it suits me so much more than any other colour <3
#Ź āĖ š¬ ā new emmail.#Ź āĖ ā ā nonnie.#JOIN ME NONNIE !!!#i rly did love my white part & it was so sad after all the effort that went into getting it so white !#but i donāt regret going all black at all ! it just feels like MY COLOUR YK ! <3#but whatever u wanna do my love youāll look GREAT
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Reflecting at the park post boxing, pre work.
Was supposed to go on a date today but ofc this man never confirmed with me today so Iām done with him lol.
I really canāt play around with ppl who canāt follow through, canāt communicate properly, and are honestly probably covering some messy shit. Like I really canāt waste my fucking time on ppl who canāt reciprocate wat I give.
The good thing tho, is this time around, I feel indifferent to letting him go. I mean I wasnāt that invested in the first place; today wouldāve been our second date ; but also I feel less desperate to find a submissive.
Whereas with the last person it took emotion and thought for me to make the decision to let him go. Now Iām like yah watever, next !!! Lol
Iām finally deeeeply understanding how serious this dynamic is and how it really takes patience to find someone that you are compatible with. Just like any other kind of chosen relationship.
And also Iāve been going to boxing 2-3x a week now and that has DEFINITELY helped me chill out a bit in terms of my sexual fiendish ness LOL. So Iām grateful for that. If I donāt feel like a fuckin animal 24/7 then I donāt feel as desperate and thennn I can make more conscious and self respecting decisions in terms of who I let into my life.
With all that said tho, I still feel this nagging boredom and some type of emptiness. Itās definitely not consuming me (which ..thank fuckin god), but I still recognize it and am trying to understand it.
Itās def lack of sexual relationships, but I also think itās deeper than that. Bc I donāt just want sex. That wonāt b fulfilling for me, if anything itāll b boring and probably irritating if itās just watever. Iād rather fuck myself till I die than fuck someone who canāt fuck me right lol.
Itās likeā¦I want the game of it all. The teasing, the play, the flirting. And even in actual sex, I want to play the games. I want to b in control. I need it.
Itās ok tho, I kno Iāll get to a place where Iāll have submissives and play partners. Cus with each step I take, Iām really learning so much. And I feel the growth immensely like literally every month. I look at myself 6 months ago and Iām in a whole different place mentally and physically.
Iām so amazed at my growth and so proud of myself. Shit is always hard but damn do I hav the fuckin WILL to live and thrive dammit!!!
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:c sleeby
#im v tired bc i slept like 3 hrs n i already hav cfs/me n took my antipsychotics way late so theyre still at full strength#n my body is exhausted but i cant go 2 take a nap bc of some dumb sruff#n i rly want 2 actualy do smth but i have absolutelt zero energy for anything n cant even hold my phone up w out support#n theres things i actually need to do like some gardening n sweeping but i jst do not have any energy#n i jst feel lonely bc i wish i could hang out w someone but i dont know anyone rly n i cant go make new friends either bc of synptoms#n i jst wanna have a little alt straightn't friend group ):#esp bc typing is hard w my muscle weakness rn n i have even less coordination than normal#i want to make coffee but it'll make me suffer so bad but i jst like coffee#but im too sleepy 2 manage my symptoms worsening any n will hav a breakdown if they do#why does coffee have to be ouchy juice ;-;#i rly wish i had like friends#i feel so lonely all the time#i havent hung out w anyone since like the end of primary school i think#n it was a rare occurence then 2#like ive done other semi social things in the meantime ig but i havent hung out w anythjng close 2 a friend in so long#n i miss it even tho i never rly had it#dumbass hrs bc i cld probably make friends somewhere but i jst cannot stand myself n being perceived so i cannot <3#i wish rhings were just different n i wasnt so alone all my life#moss.exe#i mean ig there have been abusers but thts not the same u know#like w social things#idk#memory sucks but i jst wish i cld interact w people witjout suffering n distancing myself bc im sure they hate me n dont actually want to#spend time w me and stuff#n i wish i wasnt so fucking ugly so more ppl would like me
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āāĀ Ā š°ššš¤š„š² Ā šÆš¢šššØ Ā šš¢šš«š² Ā *&&.Ā šššš²š„šØš§ Ā š«š”šš : Ā ššš.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā baby'sĀ presenceĀ onĀ cameraĀ ,Ā answeringĀ theĀ questionsĀ forĀ theĀ weeklyĀ videoĀ diaryĀ ,Ā isĀ theĀ exactĀ oppositeĀ ofĀ theĀ stageĀ presenceĀ heĀ isĀ knownĀ forĀ backĀ homeĀ .Ā coveredĀ inĀ glitterĀ andĀ goldĀ ,Ā BABYLONĀ isĀ fullĀ ofĀ confidenceĀ ,Ā soakedĀ inĀ apathyĀ ,Ā decoratedĀ inĀ anĀ Ā āĀ iĀ donātĀ giveĀ aĀ fuckĀ Ā ļæ½ļæ½Ā attitudeĀ .Ā babyĀ ,Ā thoughĀ ?Ā wellĀ ,Ā babyĀ isĀ activelyĀ avoidingĀ eyeĀ contactĀ withĀ theĀ lensĀ ,Ā nervouslyĀ bitingĀ atĀ hisĀ nailsĀ untilĀ hisĀ fingersĀ bleedĀ ---Ā babyāsĀ cameraĀ presenceĀ isĀ drenchedĀ inĀ anxietyĀ .
šš«š¢š š šš« š°šš«š§š¢š§š š¬:Ā Ā mentionsĀ ofĀ abusiveĀ relationshipsĀ ,Ā anxietyĀ ,Ā &Ā bloodĀ .
š”šØš§šØš®š«ššš„š Ā š¦šš§šš¢šØš§š¬:Ā @miinkyuu ,Ā @rowantmĀ .
āĀ Ā š”šØš°Ā ššØĀ š²šØš®Ā šššš„Ā šššØš®šĀ š²šØš®š«Ā ššØš®š©š„šĀ ?Ā š°š”š²Ā šš¢šĀ š²šØš®Ā š©š¢šš¤Ā šš”šĀ š©šš«š¬šØš§Ā š²šØš®Ā š©š¢šš¤ššĀ ?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ ahĀ .Ā āĀ aĀ tattooedĀ handĀ comesĀ upĀ toĀ touchĀ theĀ backĀ ofĀ hisĀ neckĀ ,Ā fingersĀ splayingĀ overĀ theĀ lotusĀ flowerĀ thatĀ isĀ tattooedĀ thereĀ .Ā hisĀ noseĀ scrunchesĀ upĀ ,Ā doe - eyesĀ crinklingĀ slightlyĀ inĀ aĀ fitĀ ofĀ embarrassmentĀ .Ā āĀ iĀ feelĀ goodĀ .Ā fineĀ .Ā iĀ donātĀ knowĀ .Ā minkyuĀ isĀ aĀ literalĀ dollĀ .Ā theĀ sweetestĀ personĀ inĀ theĀ worldĀ ,Ā absolutelyĀ beautifulĀ ---Ā heĀ couldĀ captureĀ anyoneāsĀ heartĀ withĀ justĀ aĀ lookĀ ,Ā youĀ knowĀ ?Ā andĀ iĀ knowĀ heĀ wasĀ ---Ā isĀ aĀ fanĀ ofĀ meĀ asĀ anĀ idolĀ .Ā aĀ fanĀ ofĀ BABYLONĀ .Ā thatāsĀ notĀ whyĀ iĀ choseĀ himĀ ,Ā thoughĀ .Ā iĀ choseĀ himĀ becauseĀ heĀ justĀ . . .Ā feltĀ comfortableĀ .Ā toĀ beĀ aroundĀ ,Ā iĀ meanĀ .Ā iādĀ beenĀ kindĀ ofĀ . . .Ā anxiousĀ ?Ā sinceĀ theĀ startĀ ofĀ thisĀ wholeĀ thingĀ ,Ā consideringĀ theĀ factĀ thatĀ iĀ wasĀ kindĀ ofĀ ---Ā noĀ offenseĀ toĀ theĀ showĀ ---Ā forcedĀ toĀ comeĀ hereĀ ,Ā butĀ talkingĀ toĀ himĀ thatĀ firstĀ nightĀ atĀ theĀ ,Ā umĀ ,Ā theĀ monteĀ carloĀ partyĀ thingĀ ?Ā itĀ wasĀ niceĀ .Ā iĀ didnātĀ feelĀ . . .Ā pressuredĀ atĀ allĀ .Ā nowĀ thatĀ iĀ knowĀ heāsĀ aĀ fanĀ ,Ā ofĀ courseĀ ,Ā itāsĀ aĀ bitĀ . . .Ā aĀ bitĀ moreĀ trickyĀ . . .Ā Ā āĀ heĀ tiltsĀ hisĀ headĀ ,Ā goldenĀ tipsĀ ofĀ hairĀ fallingĀ inĀ frontĀ ofĀ hisĀ eyesĀ .Ā Ā āĀ iĀ donātĀ wantĀ toĀ disappointĀ himĀ .Ā toĀ destroyĀ theĀ magicĀ behindĀ BABYLONĀ ,Ā youĀ knowĀ ?Ā iāmĀ notĀ ---Ā exactlyĀ sureĀ whatĀ heāsĀ expectingĀ ,Ā thoughĀ ,Ā soĀ iāmĀ notĀ sureĀ ifĀ iĀ canĀ liveĀ upĀ toĀ itĀ .Ā iĀ donātĀ knowĀ .Ā iĀ justĀ donātĀ wantĀ toĀ disappointĀ himĀ ,Ā hurtĀ himĀ .Ā soundsĀ aĀ bitĀ sillyĀ nowĀ thatĀ iāmĀ sayingĀ itĀ outĀ loudĀ ,Ā butĀ . . .Ā Ā āĀ aĀ shrugĀ fallsĀ fromĀ hisĀ shouldersĀ andĀ hisĀ gazeĀ shiftsĀ ,Ā againĀ ,Ā fromĀ theĀ cameraĀ ,Ā beforeĀ heĀ movesĀ onĀ altogetherĀ .
āĀ Ā š¢š¬Ā šš”šš«šĀ šš§š²šØš§šĀ šš„š¬šĀ š¢š§Ā šš”šĀ šÆš¢š„š„šĀ š²šØš®Ā š°šØš®š„šāšÆšĀ š©š¢šš¤ššĀ šØšš”šš«š°š¢š¬šĀ ?Ā (Ā š§šØšĀ šš¬Ā šĀ šš«š¢šš§šĀ )
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ noĀ .Ā Ā āĀ theĀ answerĀ isĀ quickĀ ,Ā abruptĀ .Ā forĀ theĀ firstĀ timeĀ sinceĀ heāsĀ startedĀ recordingĀ ,Ā heĀ speaksĀ withĀ theĀ confidenceĀ thatĀ heĀ isĀ soĀ infamousĀ forĀ .Ā thenĀ ,Ā heĀ pausesĀ ,Ā gazeĀ flickeringĀ fromĀ theĀ backĀ ofĀ hisĀ ownĀ tattooedĀ handsĀ toĀ theĀ cameraāsĀ redĀ recordingĀ lightĀ .Ā hisĀ abusedĀ bottomĀ lipĀ isĀ drawnĀ betweenĀ hisĀ teethĀ andĀ heĀ chewsĀ momentarilyĀ inĀ aĀ fitĀ ofĀ nervousnessĀ .Ā Ā āĀ iĀ donātĀ knowĀ .Ā iĀ donātĀ thinkĀ soĀ .Ā Ā āĀ heāsĀ silentĀ forĀ aĀ momentĀ ,Ā handsĀ comingĀ upĀ toĀ touchĀ theĀ topĀ ofĀ hisĀ earsĀ ---Ā aĀ nervousĀ habitĀ ofĀ hisĀ .Ā āĀ iĀ donātĀ wantĀ toĀ sayĀ noĀ .Ā thatĀ soundsĀ ---Ā soĀ committalĀ ,Ā evenĀ thoughĀ itāsĀ reallyĀ notĀ inĀ regardsĀ toĀ theĀ questionĀ ,Ā butĀ itĀ stillĀ ---Ā itāsĀ aĀ bitĀ earlyĀ forĀ . . .Ā Ā āĀ heĀ shakesĀ hisĀ headĀ ,Ā wavingĀ hisĀ handĀ atĀ himselfĀ toĀ quicklyĀ dismissĀ hisĀ ramblingĀ .Ā Ā āĀ iĀ donātĀ knowĀ .Ā iĀ donātĀ thinkĀ soĀ ,Ā āĀ heĀ repeatsĀ ,Ā āĀ butĀ ---Ā whatĀ doĀ iĀ knowĀ ?Ā thisĀ shitĀ isnātĀ reallyĀ myĀ . . .Ā expertiseĀ .Ā Ā āĀ andĀ heĀ leavesĀ itĀ atĀ thatĀ .
āĀ Ā š¢š¬Ā šš”šš«šĀ šš§š²šØš§šĀ š¢š§Ā šš”šĀ šÆš¢š„š„šĀ š²šØš®Ā ššØš§āšĀ š„š¢š¤šĀ ?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ rowanĀ .Ā Ā āĀ itāsĀ flatĀ ,Ā quickĀ .Ā thereāsĀ noĀ hesitationĀ toĀ itĀ andĀ noĀ nervousnessĀ thatĀ paintsĀ prettyĀ featuresĀ toĀ followĀ .Ā heāsĀ confidentĀ ,Ā absolutelyĀ certainĀ .Ā āĀ heĀ likesĀ toĀ makeĀ assumptionsĀ basedĀ onĀ nothingĀ ,Ā likesĀ toĀ pickĀ fightsĀ thatĀ arenātĀ thereĀ simplyĀ becauseĀ someoneĀ isnātĀ soĀ absolutelyĀ enthralledĀ withĀ thisĀ showĀ asĀ heĀ seemsĀ toĀ beĀ .Ā forgiveĀ meĀ forĀ beingĀ waryĀ whenĀ iĀ wasĀ forcedĀ toĀ comeĀ hereĀ inĀ theĀ firstĀ placeĀ .Ā notĀ allĀ ofĀ usĀ choseĀ toĀ beĀ hereĀ ,Ā andĀ justĀ becauseĀ iāmĀ notĀ overflowingĀ withĀ excitementĀ aboutĀ beingĀ hereĀ doesnātĀ makeĀ meĀ aĀ narcissistĀ anyĀ moreĀ thanĀ heĀ isĀ .Ā Ā ā
āĀ Ā š°š”ššĀ š°šš¬Ā š²šØš®š«Ā š„šš¬šĀ š«šš„ššš¢šØš§š¬š”š¢š©Ā š„š¢š¤šĀ ?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā theĀ silenceĀ thatĀ washesĀ overĀ himĀ isĀ heavyĀ ,Ā likeĀ aĀ weightĀ hangingĀ overĀ hisĀ headĀ asĀ glitter - smudgedĀ eyesĀ simplyĀ blinkĀ andĀ stareĀ intoĀ absoluteĀ nothingnessĀ .Ā heāsĀ pulledĀ backĀ toĀ theĀ questionĀ onlyĀ byĀ theĀ redĀ recordingĀ lightĀ blinkingĀ incessantlyĀ amidstĀ hisĀ blurredĀ viewĀ .Ā Ā āĀ itĀ wasĀ . . .Ā nothingĀ prettyĀ .Ā Ā āĀ heĀ pausesĀ ,Ā isnātĀ sureĀ whereĀ toĀ takeĀ itĀ fromĀ hereĀ .Ā Ā āĀ heĀ alwaysĀ heldĀ myĀ wristĀ ,Ā neverĀ myĀ handĀ .Ā prettyĀ purpleĀ ---Ā flowersĀ bloomedĀ onĀ myĀ skinĀ likeĀ iĀ wasĀ aĀ fuckingĀ gardenĀ .Ā iĀ hadĀ toĀ cutĀ myĀ hairĀ becauseĀ whenĀ itĀ wasĀ longerĀ ,Ā hisĀ fistĀ couldĀ tangleĀ inĀ itĀ soĀ easilyĀ .Ā Ā āĀ goldenĀ ,Ā contact - colouredĀ eyesĀ flickerĀ toĀ theĀ lensĀ ofĀ theĀ cameraĀ .Ā Ā āĀ andĀ iĀ wouldĀ stillĀ beĀ theĀ oneĀ toĀ comfortĀ himĀ atĀ theĀ endĀ ofĀ theĀ dayĀ asĀ heĀ criedĀ intoĀ myĀ fuckingĀ shoulderĀ ,Ā tearsĀ dilutingĀ myĀ bloodĀ ,Ā andĀ hadĀ theĀ audacityĀ toĀ askĀ meĀ whyĀ iĀ madeĀ himĀ doĀ thatĀ ,Ā whyĀ iĀ madeĀ himĀ ---Ā hurtĀ meĀ .Ā Ā āĀ handsĀ ballĀ intoĀ fistsĀ andĀ aĀ shakyĀ sighĀ spillsĀ fromĀ perfectlyĀ glossedĀ lipsĀ andĀ intoĀ theĀ warmĀ airĀ .Ā Ā āĀ longĀ storyĀ shortĀ ?Ā iĀ wasĀ aĀ prettyĀ littleĀ flowerbedĀ forĀ himĀ toĀ beatĀ rottenĀ seedsĀ intoĀ .Ā iĀ letĀ himĀ growĀ prettyĀ purpleĀ flowersĀ allĀ overĀ myĀ skinĀ ,Ā wateredĀ withĀ angerĀ andĀ jealousyĀ .Ā andĀ iĀ becameĀ hisĀ ownĀ personalĀ gardenĀ ofĀ hisĀ ownĀ designĀ .Ā Ā āĀ spokenĀ likeĀ aĀ trueĀ gothicĀ romanticĀ ,Ā aĀ trueĀ poetĀ ,Ā aĀ songwriterĀ .Ā thenĀ ,Ā ofĀ courseĀ ---Ā āĀ iĀ wasĀ aĀ fuckingĀ idiotĀ forĀ stickingĀ aroundĀ ,Ā andĀ iĀ hopeĀ heĀ rotsĀ inĀ hellĀ .Ā Ā ā
āĀ Ā š°š”ššāš¬ Ā š²šØš®š« Ā š¢šššš„ Ā šššš Ā ?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā heāsĀ thankfulĀ forĀ theĀ simplicityĀ ofĀ thisĀ questionĀ ,Ā andĀ theĀ answerĀ slipsĀ fromĀ hisĀ tongueĀ likeĀ waterĀ slipsĀ fromĀ anyĀ flatĀ surfaceĀ ---Ā withĀ easeĀ andĀ withoutĀ resistanceĀ .Ā Ā āĀ somethingĀ simpleĀ .Ā iāveĀ beenĀ onĀ tooĀ manyĀ fancyĀ datesĀ ,Ā notĀ allĀ ofĀ themĀ haveĀ endedĀ inĀ disasterĀ ,Ā butĀ quiteĀ aĀ fewĀ ofĀ themĀ haveĀ .Ā Ā āĀ heĀ letsĀ himselfĀ laughĀ ,Ā itāsĀ breathyĀ andĀ barelyĀ audibleĀ ,Ā butĀ bunnyĀ teethĀ areĀ onĀ displayĀ brieflyĀ andĀ hisĀ noseĀ scrunchesĀ slightlyĀ .Ā Ā āĀ iĀ thinkĀ iādĀ likeĀ toĀ stayĀ inĀ .Ā watchĀ theirĀ favouriteĀ movieĀ ,Ā listenĀ toĀ musicĀ ,Ā maybeĀ iādĀ tryĀ toĀ playĀ theirĀ favouriteĀ songĀ onĀ guitarĀ orĀ pianoĀ .Ā ifĀ theyĀ haveĀ tattoosĀ ,Ā iādĀ colourĀ themĀ inĀ withĀ markersĀ ifĀ theyādĀ letĀ meĀ .Ā iādĀ askĀ themĀ toĀ playĀ withĀ myĀ hairĀ ,Ā tellĀ themĀ toĀ readĀ toĀ meĀ ,Ā maybeĀ iādĀ askĀ theirĀ opinionĀ onĀ aĀ songĀ orĀ twoĀ .Ā justĀ . . .Ā Ā āĀ heĀ shrugsĀ ,Ā handĀ comingĀ upĀ toĀ nervouslyĀ scratchĀ behindĀ hisĀ earĀ .Ā Ā āĀ somethingĀ simpleĀ ,Ā comfortableĀ .Ā somethingĀ thatĀ wonātĀ triggerĀ theĀ anxietyĀ andĀ makeĀ meĀ feelĀ likeĀ iĀ haveĀ toĀ beĀ goldenĀ andĀ glimmeringĀ andĀ perfectĀ .Ā thereāsĀ beautyĀ inĀ simplicityĀ .Ā poemsĀ forĀ theĀ smallĀ thingsĀ .Ā Ā ā
#villa.task#āā Ā šŖ&š. Ā Ā Ā» Ā ļæ½ļæ½ babylon Ā rhee. Ā ĖĖĖ#me . . . titling it as 003 bc it's the 3rd one .#even tho i hav not done . . . any of the others . . .#don't mind meKSJHDKJ#but look at me ! out here ! doin stuff ! :')#i hope . it's still okay to post thisKSJHDKJ#also aly & rowan . . . i'm so sorry for baby's messy assMNBMC#don't mind him . he's jus a stubborn brat babie .#also . tumblr ate the quality of this gif UP . . .#i promise i know how 2 make gifs .#tumblr jus hates me sighs !
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i am how do u say tired
#me n m y friend ditched history to go eat fnwkjn#my last lecture is thursday for that class... mood...#im gonna miss her i already kno we arent gonna hang out later#im closer w mayra n ana somehow even tho i met them all the same day#i feel better im still tired tho........#im gonna write down everything i have to do ....#writing: um nothing u dont even hav to show up to class on thursday cause hes not taking roll also u hate the teacher but the portfolio is#due saturday so i hav to do that by friday gross..#FUCK I FORGOT I HAVE A PSYCH EXTRA CREDIT DUE TODAY DEWKJN ITS ONLY 600 WORDS BUT UMMM....#monday i dont hav any class?? or tuesday????? im so confused idk when i hav clas sor not#i dont think i hav class monday or tuesday#wednesday i have my first final for ummmm bio? and then thursday is psych? and friday is history#i have no work anymore other than studying my ass off !!!#well today i have work after saturday im done
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šš¢š“šµš¦š³ ššØšØ šš¶šÆšµšŖšÆšØ šøšŖšµš© šµš©š¦ ššš°šÆš¦ šš°šŗš“
šš°š„š¦š³šÆ šš
a/n: i thought of this like at 3 am, and i myself, did Easter egg hunting and pushed a few kids in the process and got 9 bucks!
Characters: Rex, Wolffe, Cody, Fives, Echo
ššš±
you have rex wrapped around your finger, so ofc he said yes to your proposal to take part in easter egg huntingĀ
wouldnāt be too embarrassed to egg hunt with you, your cousins, distant relatives, sibling(s), (if you have any) etc.
would have the heart to pick up eggs and give it back to the rightful owner if they were to have dropped it or it fell out of their basket
would be asked by the little ones to fetch some eggs they saw in the tree, bush, etc.
even if heās older than everyone else, he still manages to have fun
you and him ended up sharing a basket instead of having your own individual ones cause you were nice enough to not hog up the eggs
āRex can you reach the purple egg up thereā you pointed up in the tall tree where a plastic purple egg was wedged between the tree branches. Rex nodded and stepped on the big oak trees roots and stepped on his tippy toes. He struggled a little bit with getting the egg unstuck, but successfully managed to get a hold of it. Once he stepped down from the tree root he placed the egg in the basket you were holding filled with other plastic eggs. āThank you my loveā you kissed his cheek and walked off to an untouched section of the park that the kids hadnāt got to yet. Rex felt his cheeks heat up and he followed after you like a lost puppy.
ššØš„ššš
he was unfazed and not surprised that you forced him to join you...
he was kind enough to help you find and pick up eggs
both of your baskets were pink since you decided youād join the easter egg hunt last minute
you also managed to snag a pair of pink bunny ears at the store and had Wolffe wear them the whole time you were thereĀ
he died a bit inside, but continued to wear them cause it made you happy
the kids were terrified of him, which meant that the kids wouldnāt go anywhere near where the two of you were
the perks were that you got more eggs than expected
he felt really really bad though, he really did
so you both agreed to give some of the eggs away (that were only filled with candy)
but after this kind gesture, the kids warmed up to him and swarmed him the rest of the day
āTheyāre staringā Wolffes shoulders slumped a little as he held the pink basket in his left hand. You looked behind him and noticed your little cousins keeping some distance from you both. Your eyes softened seeing how uncomfortable he looked. This was the first time bringing Wolffe around to a full event family reunion, which meant meeting more relatives. When the younger ones noticed Wolffe, they became hesitant seeing him for the first time. You walked up to Wolffe and grabbed his right hand, bringing it up to your lips, you kissed his knuckles and looked at him. āAfter weāre done, we can give the eggs away to the kidsā he nodded and laced your fingers together āand when I mean we give the eggs away, I mean the ones filled with candy not the moneyā
ššØšš²
denied doing egg hunting with you
āplea-ā
ānoā
after some convincing, he joined you
he didnāt interact nor help you pick up the eggs tho
he observed as you gave one of your cousins the death stare as they took the egg that was almost in arms reach
you wanted to throw some hands, but you couldnāt cause you had to be mature and a decent peer for them to look up to one day...maybe.
he got asked a couple of times by the little ones to help get an egg that was not accessible to them and he kindly compliedĀ
after thinking to yourself, you shoved the easter basket towards cody and walked away, only coming back to him if your hands were full of eggs
Cody mused as you stormed off into a direction of where bright colorful eggs were apparent. You glared at him when you came back after snatching a few eggs away from your cousins before their grimy hands could get ahold of them. āAre you sure youāre not 12?ā You placed the few eggs you had in the basket that he held for you āyes Iām sure, but just so you know, i refuse to share both the candy and the money with youā you gave him a pointed look. Cody hummed, and hid his free hand behind his back. āYou wouldnāt at least share a single piece of candyā with your boyfriend?ā he pouted and you hissed āokay okay fine, only a couple of candies and thatās itā Cody raised both his eyebrows āhmm what a shameā Cody quickly brought his free hand over your head and cracked a confetti egg over your head. You gasped and started to jab at his arm āyou bitch-ā
š
š¢šÆšš¬
he asked YOU to go easter egg hunting with him
in this case, with how he acted childish in a sense...you got him a batman themed easter basket and he was hyped af
you were eternally grateful and ashamed that he got along with the little ones
he oddly fit in with them so well...
while your relatives prepared to hide the eggs, he made sure to get the kids excited to go egg hunting while waiting inside the house
āAlright ground rules! No pushing or shoving, stealing eggs from one another is fine, but no stealing from each otherās basketsā
this easter was a chaotic messš§
You watched as the kids and Fives ran into the backyard and started grabbing as much eggs as they could. You observed as Fives went against the ground rules he set and stole eggs from the more mature cousins that wouldnāt get butt hurt and start crying. Fives reached up into a tree that had a golden egg placed in an empty bird nest. You walked up behind him, making sure to keep a distance so he could have enough room to climb down. āFives are you serious right now?ā You crossed your arms in front of you and gave him an unamused look; once he managed to retrieve the golden egg, he turned towards you and gave you a big smile. āI got this one just for youā he placed the golden egg in your nearly empty basket and kissed your forehead ānow back to my missionā he scurried off before you could tell him off, but alas, it fell onto deaf ears and he was halfway across the backyard.
ššš”šØ
kindly accepted your offer right away
was a bit embarrassed, but seeing how enthusiastic you were about easter egg hunting, he relaxed
he was kind and patient and allowed the younger ones to have their fun while you both held hands and salvaged whatever you could
he was a bit eager at first with how many eggs were already stored in other baskets, but seeing as you were enjoying and reminiscing your childhood he calmed down
what amazed you was how polite some of your younger relatives were to Echo, they would offer up some eggs to him.
an innocentĀ gesture to show how they appreciated echos kindness or his presence
You watched as one of your younger cousins approached you both and held a blue egg up in front of Echo. Echo smiled down at the child and squatted down to their height āthank you, but itās yoursā to keepā your cousin smiled and shook their head āyou can hav etā. Echo gave a kind smile and carefully took the egg into his hand, your cousin scurried away to get more eggs somewhere else. He stood up and looked over to you, you shrugged your shoulders and brought the basket up towards him, in which he placed the blue egg in. You grabbed his hand and continued to pick up after what the kids had managed to leave behind, or even miss. But, Echo had an amazing time celebrating easter with you and your family.
#captain rex#captain rex x reader#captain rex imagine#commander wolffe headcanons#commander wolffe x reader#commander cody headcanons#commander cody x reader#arc trooper echo headcanons#arc trooper echo x reader#arc trooper fives headcanons#arc trooper fives x reader#starwastheclonewars#star wars x reader#Star Wars the clone wars scenario#star wars imagine#ohmsjedi
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hey so my friends say some things my mom does are abusive but i dont think so? i wanted to get your opinion since you seem to know a lot about that sort of stuff
my mom loves me very much and is very proud of me, she wants the best for me, tho i dont think she knows what is actually best for me. for example, she criticises some clothes i wear that i really like and makes me want to wear them less around her, or sometimes insists that i should change clothes to smth ānicerā or āmore appropriateā until we are arguing and most of the time i give in, but she says its because she wants me to look better. she does also keep telling me i should grow out my hair again, even after i told her im trans (point that will be brought up later), she was really bothered when i first cut it short and even told me she had a nightmare i was lesbian, in her words
she does try to get me to spend a lot of time with her even when i dont want to, but thats because i live in another country so i dont see her much. some time recently we were playing a board game (that i didnt want to play and they knew this) and i gave a time when i was going to sleep, the time passed but my family didnt want to let me go up bc the game was almost done according to them, so i was stuck there complaining bc i knew i would get lectured if i left (i got lectured for being selfish and complaining, regardless)
back to the trans thing, shes very transphobic but that has nothing to do with abuse, since i came out she has told me about how stressed she has been and how im not trans because she knows me and all that and basically asked me to fly back for two weeks so she could see me and hug me (oh yeah, i dont like hugging people much either but she sometimes makes me hug her and wont let go until i hug her āwellā and gets hurt that i dont want to hug her) as well as see a psychiatrist for depression or smth, which is where im at now
she also keeps asking me to turn on find my friends again because she gets anxious with me having it off (despite the fact that i dont live in the same country) but i hate having it on so i keep fighting her about this
but my mom does really love me and idk i feel like im exaggerating stuff bc my brothers dont seem to have an issue with her
Hi! I do know quite a bit, but remember I'm not a professional, just an abuse survivor, and all I can give you is my personal opinion :)
I want to start off by saying that parents can be proud of us and want the best for us and still be toxic or abusive, or just really hurtful. Both things aren't incompatible. Sometimes, they're so preoccupied with their own needs (like knowing where we are or having the kid they always expected to have) that they don't see their words and actions toward us as unfair or abusive, because they don't even think to put themselves in our skin. Sometimes they think they're helping us by doing the things that hurt us the most. And there's a million other reasons parents (and people in general) might reach the cognitive dissonance of hurting us while loving us. But that doesn't erase the hurt. It doesn't make their words or actions okay.
Just from what you shared in this ask, I can't tell you if she's abusive, but I can tell you the way she treats you is not okay, and sounds really hurtful, selfish and toxic, even if she doesn't mean for it to be. And you're absolutely not exaggerating. You're simply listening to your body when it tells you that she's hurting and upsetting you. There's nothing wrong with that. You deserve to process the emotions she's putting you through. You don't deserve to brush them all away and minimise your own pain just because she doesn't have bad intentions when she hurts you.
She's prioritising her needs over yours and lecturing and arguing with you when you try to set boundaries. It's not okay for her to punish you in that way any time you have a boundary that inconveniences her. You have a right to choose what you wear and what your hair looks like. You have a right to say no without fear and to be taken seriously when you say it. It might seem like not wanting hugs or wanting to go to bed at a certain time are "minor" things, unimportant boundaries, but they're not. They're a part of your bodily autonomy as a human being, and they matter. Every person deserves to have control over their body.
And, regarding "find my friends", every person has a right to privacy as well. She might have the need to know where you are, but that doesn't negate your need to privacy about where you are. That doesn't take away your right to keep it turned off if that's what you want. You don't owe it her to self-sabotage your own needs and boundaries just to please her. Parents' needs do not come before boundaries.
And, hey, I know this is hard to believe sometimes, but transphobia and abuse are not incompatible. Abuse can be transphobic abuse. And the whole thing with her telling you how stressed she feels about the fact you're transāand trying to convince you you're not because she knows you better than you know yourselfāare red flags of abuse. Saying things like "look, look how much I'm suffering because of this thing you're going through!" is guilt-tripping, and trying to convince another person that you know them better than they know themselves and they should trust you over their own perception is gaslighting. Yes, these things are transphobia, but they can definitely also be abuse.
Gosh, the fact that she told you she had a nightmare you were a lesbian... It resonated a lot with me, because my mother said something really similar when I came out as nonbinary to her (she said her worst nightmare was to see me with a beard). It's such a horrible thing to hear from a parent when all you're doing is trying to be your authentic self. It's not okay. I'm really sorry you had to go through that.
I hope some of this helps to hear. Even if I can't tell you just from your ask whether what you're going through is abuse, I can tell you it's not okay, it's not healthy, it's not something you should have to put up with, and the red flags are definitely there. She can want what's best for you and still walk all over you. She can be proud of you and still overstep all your boundaries and affect your mental health. You can acknowledge that she loves you and still believe that you deserve better than this, because you do. You don't have to feel guilty for wanting better for yourself.
If therapy is an option (because you want to, not because she said so), I think it could really help you navigate all these feelings. Also, please keep being you inside and out! If she likes long hair that much, she can keep her own hair as long as she likes.
Sending a big virtual hug ā¤
#ask#abuse#abuse tw#toxic mother tw#abusive mother tw#transphobia tw#homophobia tw#guilt tripping tw#gaslighting tw
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Episode 8
Iāll try to keep this short š
Mommy has arrived and sheās brought the chaos - as we all knew she would. Like I said before thereās really only one role she could play, no matter if she did so actively or passively and sheās chosen to do so actively & aggressively.
She does in fact seem to hav me mental illness - which yes disappoints me because theyāve also written her as abusive and dangerous and thereās a lot of representation for mental illness under such light and rarely any for the other side. However Iām not gonna delve on it since it was on my possibility list so itās not like they didnāt warn us. I said she looked like a creepster showing up to Fiatās school (when I talked about epi 7 & the preview) but it was actually Leoās houseā¦which made it more creepy.
She hates Leo which isnāt surprising either but does this mean a separation built on a choice between the two (Fiats mom or Leo) l. Iāve spoken on this before and stated that if they have Fiat temporarily choose his mother simply because sheās his mom I wonāt like it and will view it as bad writing not only because they done little to no build up on that but also because Leo & his family has been what Fiat has wanted for a long time. That to make such a choice believable it would have to be a great reason behind it. However this episode has shown that Fiats mother is violent in her illness so I donāt know if āchoosingā her is an option that will go over well for anyone. That doesnāt mean she canāt cause chaos and bring a separation tho. Sheād be better off telling him that he Bas and unlovable by anyone but her rather than confronting Leo but it looks like sheās gonna try to deal with Leo herself. Personally Iād rather Fiat get his mother some help. Even if he chooses not to have a relationship with her I would prefer to see her end up in a better facility that can help her manage her illness. Fiat can sit down with a therapist himself as well given his self view & past trauma.
They went ahead and set the father up as the misunderstood parent - ive said weeks ago that theyād do this and why I personally didnāt like it but this episode gave me another reason because they did so by giving Fiat another part of himself to dislike. Even though he can blame him mom for manifesting the hate into him heās still feel the guilt of his own actions. And what frustrates me is this does not absolve the dad from being a bad dad. There is no way Fiat should still be vulnerable to this woman entering his life again in adulthood but he is because his father never dealt with the issue between him & his son. Because he never was open and honest. Because he never took Fiat to deal with his own trauma. Instead he chose to make a decree and avoid it all. His son acts out in an alarming voile that way? Thatās fine just let him stay at the neighbors. That stay built a belief that wasnāt true? Ah ok thatās fine. Let Fiat go ahead and keep believing it. So on and so forth. You canāt avoid parenting if youāre gonna be a parentā¦ And how did the little girl hear her grandparents talking about her almost being killed in the belly by her brotherā¦All in all theyāve successfully set the father up as misunderstood father & the stepmom as the patient accepting one. I have a hard time seeing her as the step mom cause her and fiat actually look a bit alike more-so than either of his biological parents.
I think we got atleast 2 of the crying scenes in this episode so that leaves 2-3 more, Leoās being one of them. The did basically confirm that we should expect to see King again - which Iāve already mentioned in theory. In the preview for the next episode Leo mentions that he thought Fiat wouldnāt keep secrets from him anymore to which Fiat says itās cause it was already in the past. I wonder if this section will relate to King. Not for any particular reason in the show itās just like I said before I feel Fiat couldāve lied in his explanation of what happened between him & King - and I would prefer either this or a set up on Fiats part - rather than Fiat making another mistake later that leads him to hate himself even more as Iām not really a fan of Fiat hating himself. But weāll see. Iām not sure theyāll bring King back in the next episode probably episode 10 since the mom is still there right now. Personally Iām also hoping they donāt go with the angst driven episode 11 and make it a cheerful one just to kill the cliche but thatās just me. I was kinda distracted while watching the episode so hopefully I didnāt miss talking about anything big.
#leofiat#leo x fiat#dsntheseries#dsn#dsn the series#dsntheseriesep8#dont say no the series#dontsaynotheseries
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For the character thing, Cephalobot?
my first impression: ZOMG ROBOSRUYT OCCYpUS> JHDSGLFShaslgggggggggAHHHHHHHDFJGFADGLJG
my impression now: ZOMG ROBOSRUYT OCCYpUS> JHDSGLFShaslgggggggggAHHHHHHHDFJGFADGLJG
my fav moment: ALL OF THEM!!!! when he EXISTZ!!!! cbot iz so epic i <3 this funky lil guy!!! lil robo dude!!!!! nintendo couldnt hav POSSIBLY done better when designing him!!?!!! i think about him so much?!?!?!?!! hez so epic ily cbot
idea 4 a story: petri and him being epic moirail qppz!!! i need moar of these 2 being bffz!!!! they should hold handz and cuddle and hug!!!! AAGSJD I WISH THERE WAZ MOAR CONTENT OF THESE 2... especially fluff T^T
unpopular opinion: he shouldnt hav been smug :[ idk if thatz unpopular or not but i think he would hav been better az lazy... mayb thatz just me loving the lazy type tho!!
fav relationship: i havent rlly thought abt any romantic shipz 4 him! obvi i luv luv LUV him and petri, i also rlly liek him and sasha + him and all the other robo villagerz!! i think the roboz r all a big found family <:D
fav headcannon: eee i cant choose!!! therez the robo found fam.. therez 083 (the numberz on the back of hiz head) being a little octopus, petri doing repairz on him and stuffz, autistic cephalobot or at least him being rlly bad with human interaction, him being originally built with the intention of him being some kind of EVIL DEATH ROBOT or something but him just saying "nah fuk this lawlz" and moving 2 the player island/a vaca home 4evar..... i might b getting a little ahead of myself srry this iz so long <:3 thank u 4 letting me ramble!!!! /gen!!!!!!! even if it waz just a text post :p
#stretch speakz#ask#ask game#hell in a handbasket#u get ur very own tag now!!! congratz i guess!!! idk other ppl do that so i figured i should 2#^_^"#thankz 4 the ask!!
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Ā Ā Ā i think i just sawĀ LUCILA ā LU ā VARGASĀ ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was her . after all ,Ā CREDIT IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD BY HOLEĀ was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe she was on her way to work , i hear sheās aĀ PERSONAL TRAINERĀ . but she totally could have been on her way toĀ SNEAK IN A SMOKE AT THE GARDEN . guess weāll never know . youāll definitely know its her when you seeĀ LOOSE AND TANGLED HAND WRAPS , BUTTON BADGES ON VEGAN LEATHER ,Ā AND HEAR THE SHRILL SOUND OF BICKERING around the country club . letās just hope she stays off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get herĀ !
( new muse, messy thoughts, u get the gist. pls know the views of this chara do not reflect my own.Ā the nameās katya, 21, she/her pronounsĀ &Ā im ready 2 party. feel free to hmu wnvr or drop a like to plot n ill com 2 uĀ ! xĀ ā oh n pls be a pal n read this quick disclaimer. tysmĀ !Ā )
BASICS
24 years old
15 april 1997
5ā²1ā³ or 1.55m tall
bisexual cis woman, she/her
aries sun, aqua moon, and aqua rising
love languages :Ā quality time & acts of service
BIO POINTS
kid oā divorce, lived w her ma in chicago til she was 6 then w her dad in highlands til 14 then back to her ma !Ā
def a daddys gorl. so used to her white popās leniency that livin w her strict latina ma durin her teen yrs was So Not Her Vibe ergoĀ * cue her rebel grrrl phase *
did not finish hs !Ā left senior yr 2 to go w herĀ ā radically progressive āĀ college bf toĀ [ insert dev country.Ā ]Ā they broke up after a few mos but she kept at that life for a couple more yrs
seen some places. lived in new countries. done some shit. some good, some sus, but all generally well-intentioned. tis a whole thing but u get the gist, nywy !
luās back in da usa by 21. rel w the ma is strained but the pa is chill w stuff, they kept in touch. he said shell get her college fund if she gets her ged so she does !
her dad is v active n stuff so shes just always been v sporty w him. lu turnin 23 w zilch plans worried him so heĀ implored her to get certified as a personal trainerĀ !Ā n when she did, he called in a few favors w a pal he knows et voilĆ Ā ! ur hired.
LU AT WORK
shes been workin at the country club fr a little over a yr now.Ā most her clients are influencer-type gals n they luv her bc shes can take rlly cute pics n stuff for content. lu sorta likes some of em n she fakes the rest for the bread. u can bet she clowns all em richies behind their backĀ Ā
unless she got clients, catch her runninā about the club n minglinā w the other workers. does it annoy mngmt ? yes. n she luvs that. but bc her soon-2-b-karen clients luv her n wont stand for her bein booted, she can milk that impunity
actually knows her shit n lowkey rlly enjoys the work. she picked back up the boxing n tae kwon do she did when she was younger plus she was always in the track team at school. v healthy lifestyle save for her smokin vice n the party moments
PERSONALITYĀ
passionate ! has lotsa opinions. helluva a drama queen, bit of a loud mouth, argumentative n stubborn but her heartās in the right place, albeit a lil misguided. comes w the whole activist bit, bitin her tongue just aint it. highkey makes everythin political n smtms gotta realize .,.,. it just aint that deep chief. some say shes needlessly defiant, but maybe thats a in the beholder typa thing ? fingers crossed 4 luās sake
fun, fun, fun !Ā can be real naggy but shes no buzzkill. wannabe anarchist-slash-mutineer who wants 2 stick it 2 the man !Ā get rowdy go crazy
fight, fight, fight ! goin back to the first bit, she talks big. esp w like ,, men n the whites lol. she can actually walk her threats tho she isnt actually violent. w arguments, she likes to start em but finishin is ... ruff.Ā also any dare, she wont back down in either doin it or arguin why doin it wld be smth-ist.Ā shes not the sharpest tool ok rip lu
loyal legend !Ā fr her friends n buds, shell turn a blind eye. pals r the only exception !Ā truly ride or die n will do errthng 4 em. v much a believer in the power of community n ppl needin ppl or wtvr, yk, all that stuff. shes mouthy but like, she helps pplĀ
hereās a brief blurb n a more coherent look into lu as a character
TIDBITS
lu can understand spanish but hers is a bit broken, tis her secret shame shhh
she doesnāt believe in the institution. any institution. u name it, shes got beef
pls dont fact check her she cant hear u
probs lowkey thinks shes better than u bc shes vegan
prefers 2 be calledĀ āĀ lu ā n ny1 who insists on lucila is dead 2 herĀ
comments abt her not lookin like a pt w her height n frame will result in an earful n a dramatic outburst. it aint worth it chief
watches lotsa sports w her pops. mostly indiv ones. mma, boxing, tennis, track, etc
dont ask me abt her principles n politics, i cant explain em either. v inconsistent n just messy at this point tbh but hereās a lil attempt ig
she drives a 2018 prius n lives in a p nice 1br apt outside the club
her momās middle class n her dad is almost upper-middle class. he isnt a member of the club but, like ,,, he cld be if he wanted to lol. he spoils her sm while she hasnt rlly Spoken to her mom besides civility, rip they both stubborn, tis a vargas thing
she is v much in a comfy position money-wise n dsnt hav much Need to hustle but sis does hav a couple of organizations she regularly sends some dough to so thats nice ig
she went fr grassroots activist to a veteran twitter/tumblr/reddit/wtvr ranter n a change.org gofundme petition regular. is it burnout ?Ā is she ok ? honestly who knows
WANTED CONNECTIONS /Ā TAKEN CONNECTIONS
found familyĀ !Ā pals n squad wanted. yāall gotta hav patience or ear plugs to power thru her self-indulgent mini-rants but shell luv ya back tenfoldĀ !
carpool buds ?Ā cld be a pal ! or maybe yall had a lil argument or small beef but lu still drives ym bc her pride ? said mother earth first even tho the tension n silly drama is funnyĀ
homies to smoochies !Ā just sum nsa makin out. cld be pals, cld be flirty, idk, but if u wanna kiss her shes probs ok w that
smoke bud ! just sum1 thats her go-to 2 smoke w on her breaks. knows not to call her out on how its not healthy fr a trainer yada yada she knows ok. let her live
an ex ? idk yet shes not rlly datey but thats out there
crushes !Ā this bitch hot but does she know how to flirt ? not rlly. watch her fumble
debate clubĀ !Ā aka sum1 she bickers w relentlessly. its valid, sum1 fite her. r u a worker or a club member ? either works. its a whole club bc she can have tons, lu can be hella annoying n testy
clients !Ā self-explanatory. do they get along tho ? lets find out !Ā
( im officially braindead now but if yāall got more ideas or think theres smth lu wld fit just lmk !!!Ā down 4 wtvr, wld luv 2 hash it out w yall <3 )Ā
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w the whole pro dx vs self dx thing - n u can unfollow me if u want I donāt rly give a shit -Ā I'm am lit pro - self dx, I self diagnosed myself w bpd before I got a diagnosis from an actual professional - not that I got any proper help for it tho anyways after, but it took so damn long to get a diagnosis n even longer for me to be referred in the first place - I had to fucking beg my gp 5 or 6 times, n even tried fucking crying to make her āpityā me nĀ to refer me to a psychiatrist/professional anyways bc she was just fucking smiling like a twat n telling me to āexerciseā n do āyogaāĀ n not taking me fucking seriously at all, getting a professional diagnosis for a disorder is a difficult fucking thing, and unless u have the resources, access and money and time it can be rly difficult to even get a diagnosis in the first damn place, plus what? just bc uĀ havenāt been diagnosed professionally u donāt have a specific disorder? like there are actually ppl who fucking spend time researching into it - as much as they can, like ffsĀ I've self diagnosed myself w adhd - after researching about it, reading articles, watching many videos about it - and listening/reading experiences from ppl w actual adhd, and reading through my old school reports, n the fucking therapistĀ I'm seeing atm asked me if I wanted a diagnosis but the waiting list for it is like 2 years long or some shit so yh, idk if I even want to wait 2 years to just be told I may not have it bc of my bpd diagnosis n then just saying its that, ppl donāt fucking make it easy to get a diagnosis in the first damn place anyways, n even those who may think they have stigmatised disorders (such as cluster b pds) the professional may not even want to diagnose them in the first place? plus there's barely much help for us anyway?? likeĀ I've spent about 5 years since my bpd diagnosis trying to find some fucking support/help/therapy, IĀ am lit getting nowhere n am always just fucking left on my own to just ādealā with it, n likeĀ I've signed up for possibly schema therapy whichĀ I'll get put on the waiting list for after my sessions w this person ends, n even then idk how long thatāll be? bc the guy said it could be 18 months, like I aināt got fucking time to wait around anymore for some damn help, which I may not even fucking get anyway, like nothing may work, so self diagnosis atm can atleast help u recognise yr symptoms n try to find the best way to help yourself w/o trying to jump from therapist to therapist who may or may not help u - likeĀ I've done my own research n have helped myself more over the last 6 months then any therapist has done for me over the last 5 years, obv I still have a lot of shit to work on n nw hav fucking c-ptsd from some recent fucking trauma (which alsoĀ I'm not getting help for lol)Ā
like I think as long as u spend time researching n maybe listening to other peoples experiences with a certain disorder/s u feel u may have, self dx can be a rly useful tool for anyone who may be concerned about certain stigma about certain disorders they feel they may have, or who may not be able to have access to therapy/getting a diagnosis, may not have the money, nor the time, or even be in a situation where diagnosis is not a possibility atm, n also to those under the age of 18 who may think they may hav a pd, def look into it but mostly focus on the symptoms u experience rather then the actual disorder itself n try various ways on how to help yourself w that n managing those symptoms, plus also read about other disorders that have similar symptoms bc a lot of disorders share a ton of symptoms. š¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
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@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated
onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one
onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths
onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality
onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system
onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..
onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this
Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.Ā I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl.Ā
I think kabu and minatos relationshipĀ is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they donāt understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.Ā Ā you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what??Ā I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.
I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like youāve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationshipsĀ between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because heās empathetic. Like Iām not sure about compassion but heās very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. Thatās how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothingās done even tho heās apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. Iām gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but Iām gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didnāt know how to navigate around it also because itās heavily implied heās going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why theyāre good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (itās a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. Itās the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think weāre led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end itās clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesnāt only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters heās like Iāll pretend I donāt hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesnāt berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isnāt it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. Thereās probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows heās supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? Heās like well.. that looks like someone elseās problem if they notice *goes and vapes* itās so funny how little minato cares but itās also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things heās complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I donāt know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think itās interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think itās one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 Iām really extrapolating here but I think itās very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like itās almost the end of the world and heās strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think thatās gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think thatās also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like heās a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how itās managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and thatās why kabu letās minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. Itās why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesnāt get it at all and it means itās goodbye forever. But itās still not enough to save either of them. Minato canāt save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and Iām not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u canāt help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesnāt even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but Iām still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I donāt like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay Iām done. Also itās kinda hard for me to look like Iām agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time
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Tuesday 24 April 1832:Ā SH:7/ML/E/15/0058
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- finis morn[in]g F[ahrenheit] 58Ā° on my dress[in]g tab[le] at 8 10/.. - ver[y] lit[tle] poky r[oo]m b[u]t slept pret[ty] well and feel the bet[ter] for it - br[eak]f[a]st at 9 3/4 - wr[ote] a lit[tle] no[te] to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] for Miss H- [Hobart] to gi[ve] on h[e]r arriv[a]l to say I w[oul]d dine w[i]th h[e]r tomor[row] - w[e]nt out at 10 55/.. (alone - too early for Miss H- [Hobart] to venture out in the so m[u]ch cold[e]r sharp[e]r air th[a]n that of Hast[in]gs) - walk[e]d all r[ou]nd the place - to Calvary park - none admitt[e]d b[u]t by a tick[e]t fr[om] the propriet[o]r who nev[e]r refuses it to respectab[le] visit[an]ts - nice place to walk in - sev[era]l neat look[in]g h[ou]ses there - on[l]y 2 of th[e]m to let - then walk[e]d r[ou]nd and g[o]t int[o] the park n[ea]r the houses - w[e]nt int[o] the ch[ur]ch - ver[y] new and neat plain goth[i]c - serv[i]ce at the ti[me] - w[e]nt in for a min[ute] or 2 - w[e]nt int[o] Sharpās gr[ea]t Tunbridge ware shop n[ea]r Mount Ephraim (on the Lond[on] r[oa]d) the gr[ea]t court end high airy situat[io]n chosen by all who can get there - In the h[ei]ght of the seas[o]n (July Aug[u]st and Sept[embe]r) apart[men]ts are at a guin[ea] a bed per week (i.e. lits de maĆ®tre) serv[an]ts beds includ[e]d - b[u]t at oth[e]r ti[me]s and ev[e]n May and June a 12 guin[ea] apart[men]t to be h[a]d for 3 or 4 guin[ea]s - gr[ea]t deal of good comp[an]y co[me] for the east[e]r holidays - a fortn[i]ght or 3 weeks that the houses of parliam[en]t do n[o]t sit - bought a playing card case for Miss H- [Hobart] who dad [did] give me a purse got yesterday at Hastings and a little Tunbridge ruler got last night on our arrival - Ā she said it was the first thing I had given her since the Denouement (that is the offer and acceptance) - It rain[e]d a lit[tle] - walk[e]d b[a]ck al[on]g the fine op[e]n com[mo]n that seems a contin[uan]ce of M[oun]t Ephraim, and intersect[e]d in all direct[io]ns w[i]th walks br[ou]ght me d[o]wn in front of our hot[e]l - then exam[ine]d the Sussex hot[e]l a new, clean, large handso[me] look[in]g h[ou]se - then met Miss H- [Hobart] in the Pantiles now call[e]d parade and took 2 or 3 turns togeth[e]r there and I tast[e]d the spring a ver[y] weak chalybeate at the near end of the parade - s[ai]d I w[a]s qui[te] charm[e]d w[i]th the pl[a]ce and jok[e]d ab[ou]t return[in]g or liv[in]g there or near - It is really one of the prett[ie]st nicest wat[erin]g places I ev[e]r saw - I sh[oul]d ha[ve] no object[io]n to being there w[i]th L[ad]y G- [Gordon] if go[in]g to Fr[an]ce just now is n[o]t qui[te] practicab[le] on acc[oun]t of cholera - our bill at the Roy[a]l Kentish hot[e]l n[o]t sm[all] consid[erin]g our hav[in]g no wine, and our mod[era]te din[ner] and sm[all] r[oo]ms = 40/2. for our 2 selves and my 2 servants - c[oul]d n[o]t surely ha[ve] been dear[e]r at the Sussex, c[oul]d we ha[ve] been tak[e]n in there - Off at 1 40/.. - pret[ty] dri[ve] (5 m[ile]s) to Tunbridge - beaut[iful] dri[ve] fr[om] T- [Tunbridge] to Sevenoaks (pron[nounce]d Senoks [Se..?] Åks) and ver[y] pret[ty] to the top of Madameās court hill ab[ou]t 1/2 way bet[ween] 7 oaks and Bromely and fr[om] all along w[hi]ch a fine look d[o]wn (left) on the rich wood[e]d valley bel[ow] - n[o]t so pret[ty] b[u]t still pret[ty] fr[om] this long hill to Bromley a nice lit[tle] vil[lage] or town en[ou]gh - th[e]n beg[a]n to shew of nearness to Lond[on] by crowds of peop[le] and carr[ia]ges - Miss H- [Hobart] s[ai]d it w[a]s Greenwich fair w[hi]ch w[oul]d ma[ke] so[me] diff[eren]ce - at Whitehall at 6 1/2 - L[ad]y S- [Stuart] w[oul]d ha[ve] me go in for a min[ute] or 2, and th[e]refo[re] I d[i]d oth[er]wise it h[a]d been plann[e]d bet[ween] Miss H- [Hobart] and me n[o]t to do so - 10 min[ute]s th[e]re and alight[e]d at 29 Albermale st[ree]t at 6 50/.. - ord[ere]d tea immed[iatel]y, b[u]t h[a]d to wait for it an h[ou]r - amus[e]d mys[elf] w[i]th read[in]g the 2 last Globes - L[ad]y S- [Stuart] look[in]g ver[y] well, and all kind[ne]ss, h[a]d told me how b[a]d the chol[er]a w[a]s in Paris - I sh[oul]d be mad to go th[e]re now - she has ten times more heart than Miss H- [Hobart] and was all kindness wanted me after all to stay dinner offered me her carriage tomorrow Ā thought she might have or sorry she had not taken me into Whitehall somehow I could scarce keep up at all Miss H- [Hobart] followed me out saying she hoped I should not go and take on so ācom[e] give me one good kiss?ā I did and so we parted we had not had much conversation in the carriage Ā but what we had was well enough thoā the least thing would have made her crossish but I avoided all this Ā talking of congratulations ssaid she had not had mine except that I had said I was glad Ā she said āoh I know you are both glad and sorryā Ā she had laughed and said Ā shall we turn and go back to Hastings Ā yes ssaid I directly if you will then I joked and said I ought not to have said that but something different Ā she said she should not have liked it if I had Ā true thought I she loves the attention and attachment of others Ā however little she herself may return either Ā but after all the work I have somehow made at parting and I could not help it yet still she thinks me desolate about her than I am my remembrance of her will soon pass over to what is comfortable Ā I could not have lived happily with her and the being without will soon cease to pother Ā I have really been very comfortable all this evening - I ha[ve] a ver[y] nice
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handso[me] apart[men]t and am ver[y] comf[orta]ble I fear it will be expensive but I must do as well as I can Ā I only wish to see Lady Gordon and know my fate with her Ā till then I must be in doubt wr[ote] all the ab[ov]e of today and h[a]d just done it at 10 10/.. - how forlorn and solitary I might feel but thank God I do not Ā if I had but a little money I should do Ā I only fear getting rather beyond myself Ā Mrs. Hawkins is ill - a chill she g[o]t the oth[e]r day - I hope n[o]t any deg[ree] of chol[er]a w[hi]ch is b[a]d en[ou]gh here - L[or]d Durhamās moth[e]r is just dead of it - well! if I h[a]d made my will to my mind, I feel as if I c[oul]d say in calm[ne]ss, Godās will be done! I ha[ve] liv[e]d long en[ou]gh to be content[e]d to be call[e]d hence whenev[e]r it may be the good pleas[u]re of that provid[en]ce w[hi]ch ordereth all th[in]gs wisely - I h[a]d made up my Ā mind to go out early in the morn[in]g, and do all my jobs - th[e]re is so[me]th[in]g brok[e]n ab[ou]t the rumble of the carr[ia]ge that I can[no]t ha[ve] it tomor[row] I h[a]d best Ā perh[aps] sit at ho[me] and be busy ab[ou]t my will - How quiet and tranquil I feel! If I live, may it be for good! If I die soon, how m[u]ch mis[er]y I n[o]t escape! a lit[tle] r[ai]n at Tunbridge wells and a lit[tle] en route at 1st and for so[me]ti[me] aft[er]w[ar]ds - qui[te] fair latter[l]y, b[u]t thickish and foggy ov[e]r Lond[on] and too thick for Ā good view all the way - F[ahrenheit] 61Ā° now at 10 20/.. in my salon - ca[me] to my r[oo]m at 11 1/2 -
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Written In The Stars IV (Harry Potter xFem!Oc)
A/N: Next to writing in another language, writing Hagridās dialogues is a nightmare. So, I just did it as little as possible though I love him so much.
Words: 2,449
Warnings: None!
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Chapter Four: Rubeus Hagrid.
The next days were horrid, it had been years since she had felt so powerless, locked in her house with no one to play, even worse, knowing Harry had been kidnapped by the Dursleys. Her mum was anxious too, but she was better at hiding it. From time to time she would go over to the window and look around, Mel knew she was looking for an owl.
Then, on the evening of the second day, a loud bang on the door made them jump from their seats. Emily stood up and opened the door, gasping at the sight in front of her.
"Hagrid, what are you doing here?" A man, taller than anyone she'd ever known, was standing in the doorway, hair rustled and beard long and messy.
"Dumbledore," He said in a deep, rusty voice, "sent me"
"Why?" The woman asked, "Harry's not here!"
"He thought that Mel might wan' to come!" He exclaimed cheerfully.
His eyes looked around the room and landed on the little girl, hiding behind the sofa.
"Well look at yeh, Mel!" He laughed, "Look at yeh! Yeh've grown!"
"Do I know you?" She asked.
"He saw you when you were a baby," Her mother moved away from the door so he could come in, looking more tired than before, "he's an old friend"
"Oh," She said, standing up from the sofa, "nice to meet you, uh..."
"Rubeus Hagrid," The man walked up to her with heavy steps that made the whole house tremble, "keeper of keys in Hogwarts, bet yeh know about tha' now"
"I know about Hogwarts," Mel nodded, pleased to recognize the name.
"Hagrid," Emily closed the door, "I'm sorry, but did you just say that you're here to take Mel?"
"If yeh allow," Hagrid smiled, putting his hands inside his coat, "if not, I still wanted to deliver this to dear ol' Mel. Yeh turned eleven this month, don' think I forgot!"
He handed her a box filled with strange candies that she couldn't wait to eat.
"Can I go?" She asked her mother, "I promised Harry I would help!"
"I... I don't know," Emily looked over to Hagrid, "you know where Harry is?"
"Yes," He nodded, "we'll be there in no time"
"You have to be careful," She replied, "please Hagrid, the kids..."
"Dumbledore trust me," He made a careless movement with his hand that almost knocked off the lamp, "yeh'll have yer daughter back safe an' soun"
"I'll be good, I promise," Mel jumped, holding tightly to her mother's wrist, "Please?"
"I'll have to talk with Dumbledore one of these days," She huffed, "He keeps forgetting who is your tutor"
"That means I can go?" Mel held her breath.
"Bloody-" Emily groaned in frustration, passing a hand through her hair, "put on your coat and listen to everything Hagrid tells you. If you disobey you won't be going to any fun trips again."
Mel let out a short squeal and hugged her mother.
It was hard to tell exactly what thing impressed her most: Hagrid or his motorcycle. The trip was wonderful, he answered to every question the little girl had on her mind since Dumbledore's visit.
She learned many things that day, not only about the school but about how the wizards and witches behaved, she wanted to know how to act around others, she wanted to be prepared.
"My mum said she kept me away because of the rumors about my father's family," She frowned, "you know those rumors?"
Hagrid groaned.
"What yeh hav' to know Mel, is tha' Dumbledore is one of the most powerful an' bright of al' the wizardin' community. Many folks feel threaten' by it. Yeh should never feel bad abou' the family yeh come from. Not even once."
Mel nodded, although Hagrid hadn't answered her question.
"Yer a lot like Matt," He said after a few minutes had passed, "he always asked questions 'bout everything. Smart ones. He was bright, that one. Yeh have the same look as him and Dumbledore, but those are Em's eyes. Tho' yeh have his smile too"
Mel didn't know how to respond to that. She hadn't seen any pictures of her father, but she felt happy to find out that she was similar to him. A sting of annoyance went through her heart as thinking of all the years she spent away from where she truly belonged.
They got closer to what it seemed a place taken directly from a horror movie.
"Is Harry there?" She asked in disbelief.
"His relatives sure are odd, aren' they?"
"They treat Harry very poorly," Mel shook her head in discontent.
"Do they?" Hagrid frowned, "Would yeh mind telling me more?"
Mel told him everything she knew about the Dursley, watching as the anger grew inside Hagrid.
"We'll fix this al'right," was all he said.
When they landed outside the little cottage, Mel prepared herself for what was about to happen.
"Is midnight," Hagrid said, "Harry just turned eleven"
And without adding to it, he knocked loudly on the door.
'BOOM!'
He knocked again, getting no answer.
He stepped back and said:
"Careful," And knocked down the door.
Mel jumped at the sound of the wood hitting the ground. Hagrid walked in and she followed, holding to his sleeve tightly, drenched from the storm. He lifted the door back in its frame. Mel remained behind his arm, cold, she moved along as he turned to face the Dursleys.
"Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy journey..."
He moved heavily towards the couch, she moved slightly away from his body, looking around. Harry was right in front of them.
As Hagrid forced Dudley to get up by sitting on the sofa, she ran to her friend.
"Harry!" She gave him a tight hug, "I told you I would find you!"
She heard a loud gasp on her right, when she looked up she saw Mrs. Dursley staring at her with wide eyes.
Well, she won't be able to hide her oddness anymore.
"An' here's Harry!" Hagrid exclaimed, "Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby. Yeh look a lot like yer dad, but yeh've got your mother's eyes."
Hagrid then had a little discussion with Mr. Dursley that ended up in Hagrid destroying the rifle and calling him names. Petunia Dursley was horrified, she kept mumbling, 'not her, not her...' as if Mel being a witch was the same as having a terminal disease.
"How..?" Harry whispered in stunned wonder.
Mel moved away, so happy that she couldn't stay still.
"He went for me so we could find you."
"Harry," Hagrid had his attention back to them, "A very happy birthday to yeh. Got summat fer yeh here- I mighta sat on it at some point, but it'll taste all right."
Hagrid dug into his coat and pulled a box, this one a bit more damaged than Mel's. Harry took it and opened with trembling hands, inside there was a cake with 'Happy Birthday' written with green icing.
Harry looked up to Hagrid and asked.
"Who are you?"
"True, I haven't introduced meself. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts."
Mel was ecstatic, this was really happening! Soon enough Harry would know everything. Hagrid and Harry shook hands (more like Hagrid almost ripped Harry's arm) and then added:
"What about that tea then, eh? I'd not say no ter summat stronger if yeh've got it, mind"
Mel stifled her laugh with a hand, watching as Hagrid quietly prepared the tea. She crossed her legs and waited patiently, amused at how easily Hagrid could scare the Dursleys. Hagrid passed her and Harry warm sausages and she took one of them, biting into the food with a hunger she didn't even know she had.
"I'm sorry," Said Harry after a moment, "but I still don't really know who you are."
"Call me Hagrid, everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts- yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course"
Mel frowned, hadn't Dumbledore told him all the issue with the Dursleys? If not, then Hagrid was in for a treat.
"Er- no" Harry admitted, "sorry"
"Sorry?" Hagrid turned to look at the Dursleys, "it's them as should be sorry! I knew yeh weren't gettin' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts, fer cryin' out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learnt it all?"
"All what?" asked her friend innocently.
"ALL WHAT?" Hagrid stood up suddenly, causing Mel to drop the last bit of her food.
Hagrid was angry, and though he looked pretty scary, Mel had to cover her mouth again to hide her giggles. It wasn't a funny subject, but she couldn't help herself.
"DURSLEY!" Hagrid seemed to think it over, going back to Harry, "but yeh must know about yer mum and dad. I mean, they're famous, you're famous."
"What?" He then looked at Mel, "My- my mum and dad weren't famous, were they?"
That did take her by surprise, Mel hadn't heard about that specific thing at all.
"I don't know," She replied, "my mum never mentioned..."
"Yeh don't know," Hagrid seemed deeply affected by the news, "yeh don't know... yeh don't know what yeh are?"
"Stop!" Exclaimed Mr. Dursley suddenly.
There were a few screams here and there until Hagrid lost his patience.
"Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh," He turned to face the kids, "Harry, yer a wizard."
Mel stopped moving.
Finally.
"I'm a what?" asked Harry.
Things happened fast. Hagrid handed him the letter and he quietly read it, Harry asked about the owl and Hagrid pulled a real, angry-looking owl -Had it been there the whole time?- from one of his pockets, and wrote a little note like her mother had done a few days prior.
Then he went back to the sofa and Mr. Dursley said he wouldn't let Harry go, and well, Hagrid called him something neither Mel or Harry understood.
"A what?" They asked in unison.
"A muggle" Repeated Hagrid.
Muggle. Mel didn't think it was proper to go around calling every non-magical person like that, but she would be more than happy to address the Dursleys as big ol' muggles from now on.
Then things stopped being funny all of a sudden. Mrs Dursley had an outburst and completely confessed every little nagging detail about Lily's (Harry's mum) past. Blown up, she said, was the way she had died.
Mel knew a total of three things about her father so far:
Ā·They had the same smile.
Ā·He was a curious man, always asking smart questions.
Ā·He died thanks to Voldemort.
So when Harry asked what had really happened with his parents, she understood his shook, all his life living in a lie was infuriating. They knew so little about their families it felt like a cruel joke.
Mel didn't feel like laughing anymore.
"But what happened to Vol- sorry, to You-Know-Who?"
"Good question, Harry. Disappeared. Vanished. Same night he tried ter kill you. Makes yeh even more famous. That's the biggest myst'ry, see... he was gettin' more an' more powerful- Why'd he go? Some say he died. Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die. Some say he's still out there, bidin' his time, like, but I don' believe it. People who was on his side came back ter ours. Some of 'em came outta kinda trances. Don' reckon they could've done if he was comin' back."
"-Most of us reckon he's still out there somewhere but lost his powers. Too weak to carry on. 'Cause somethin' about you finished him, Harry. There was somethin' goin' on that night he hadn't counted on ā I dunno what it was, no one does ā but somethin' about you stumped him, all right"
"I think you must have made a mistake. I don't think I can be a wizard."
Hagrid chuckled.
'Not a wizard, eh? Never made things happen when you was scared, or angry?'
Harry shared a look with Mel, who smiled shyly.
"You..?" He didn't finish the question, but he didn't have to.
"I kept it a secret a few days because they asked me to," She assured him, "I didn't know until Dumbledore- he's my uncle, you know- he came into my house and explained it to me. My mum was pissed about it, and they made me promise I wouldn't tell"
"Why?"
"I don't know," She frowned, "I wanted to tell you. I didn't like lying to my best friend."
"You're also a... a witch?"
Mel nodded.
"I would show you my letter, but I left it at home."
Harry looked back at Hagrid, now smiling widely. Hagrid returned the expression.
"See?' said Hagrid, "Harry Potter, not a wizard ā you wait, you'll be right famous at Hogwarts. Both of you."
But Mr. Dursley wasn't having any of it. He started another argument with Hagrid, this time insulting Dumbledore. Hagrid lost control, affected by the words, he grabbed a hold of his umbrella and with a swift movement, gave Dudley a tail. A pig's tail, to be precise.
"Merlin's beard!" Mel exclaimed, deciding that it was about time she started to grow accustomed to the usual lingo of wizards and witches.
Hagrid apologized for losing his temper, he wasn't allowed to do magic since he got expelled in his third year at Hogwarts, he didn't explain why. He handed his coat to Mel and Harry so they could sleep in it, warning them about the dormice.
The children didn't mind one bit, they were glad Hagrid had come to the rescue.
Next Chapter ā>
#twoidiots writing#Harry Potter#harry potter fanfiction#hp fanfic#harry potter xoc#harry potter x reader#rubeus hagrid#WITT fic#harry potter x y/n
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hi queen! sorry that ur š¼ anon went mi.a. for a while, the world has been a really weird & anxious-filled place as of late & i hav been trying to adjust. i hope ur well & managing to cope mentally & physically š please take care of urself!! iāve been catching up on ur posts & my scorpio mars was searching for at least ONE thing i could disagree with about hanās (and my) ideal type but nope... u hit the nail on the head, haha. i look for all of those things! however, in terms of ur post
š¼: (cont) on jeonghanās placements giving him lots of luck, i always feel like the unluckiest person in the world. i can think of a few times were luck was in my favour but it feels very rare. but then that could just be due to poor mental health & quite a pessimistic outlook whereas iām probably luckier than others... idk, itās just the one place i canāt relate. anyway, stay safe š xx
hi!! ehehe itās okay we all have things to do and itās definitely been a time for adjustment so i understand completely. glad to see youāre back tho! lolol iām glad you found that accurate, i probably say this every two seconds but iām so fascinated by jeonghans scorpio mars so i love any scorpio mars validation š„° but in terms of jupiter, itās always kind of hard to commentate on things like that without context cuz circumstance and perspective are always just (if not more) valid than any chart reading. i also think jupiter placements (or even just harmonious placements in general) arenāt alwaysĀ āpositiveā in some situations. like, they bring a sense of ease but those skills are very fickle and arenāt actually things with which you fully understand/control because they are unconsciously done. like someone in jeonghans situation could certainly like being and feeling lucky, but would greatly prefer something they felt they had control over. theres def a lot to consider, but always interesting to see different perspectives/experiences with certain placements. helps you kinda understand your own thoughts/feelings on the matter. you stay safe, too!Ā
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