#even tho he brainwashed her he actually loves her in later chapters

[quizzyisdone]

The Color Red (Part I) | Jason Hudson x Fem! Bell x Russell Adler

Chapter Title: The Divine Zero Word Count: 2.4k Pairing - Jason Hudson x Fem! Bell x Russell Adler Synopsis: When Russell Adler finds an agent of his sworn enemy, shot by one of her own, he brings her in, hoping to interrogate her for a lead to Perseus. When conventional interrogation falls short, Adler, blinded by his hatred to Perseus, resorts to other, more unsavory methods. Jason Hudson, his handler, can only watch from afar in horror as a potentially innocent woman has her entire life and identity erased in the blink of an eye. Told from Hudson's perspective. Warnings: Strong language, mentions of brainwashing, torture, canon-typical violence, dark romance, toxic relationships, love triangles

**Title inspired by "The Divine Zero" by Pierce the Veil

Masterlist

Maybe I could swim into your thoughts like your drugs do

Paralyze your body

Sick and tired of waking up to

Burning eyes and cigarettes

“1969, Camp Haskins. We met when you were assigned to MACV-SOG. You and I were embedded within the 3rd Marine Regiment near Da Nang. SOG was there to sniff out Soviet activity. Word had it Russian operatives were active in the region-” Adler began his usual spiel that he’d been citing for the last two days word for word.

He was speaking to the girl that was gagged and strapped into an interrogation chair, graphic videos from the war playing on three televisions all within her field of vision. Specially made liquidized LSD connected into her IV that injected it straight into her veins. All she could see was the war. All she could hear was the war. Perfect for Adler. Not only could he break her indelible will, but he could make her feel as he felt for years. Broken and destroyed.

She was sobbing, looking absolutely panicked, and Hudson couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt deep in his gut. She was probably a Red anyways, but this seemed… excessive. It had too closely echoed what he witnessed Mason go through years and years ago. Adler called it conditioning, but that was just a nicer sounding synonym for what it was -- brainwashing. But he was in no position to stop it now, Adler had made damn sure of that.

She was young, not quite “fresh out of her teens” young, early to mid twenties if he had to guess, but certainly younger than the two aged men sitting across from her behind the one sided glass. A decently pretty face, even after enduring a week straight of the CIA’s classic, finest interrogation methods, but otherwise unremarkable -- which was what made her oh-so remarkable to Adler. Given Adler's hot and cold personality, and the fact that she was here with an uncanny connection to his worst enemy and wasn’t hard on the eyes to boot, Hudson knew the man was borderline obsessed with the woman. He would have been surprised if Adler wasn’t attracted to her in his own twisted, fucked up way.

He always tended towards toxic extremes, anyways.

She was painfully, moderately above average by all standards. The most exotic thing about her was her muted accent and ginger locks. He couldn’t quite guess the origin of the accent (Eastern Europe, spoken with a twinge of British slang?), but she spoke English with the fluency of a native. A cute, well structured but round face framed with wavy, somewhat frizzy hair, tanned skin dotted with freckles, and a nose that once had been broken, judging by slight mishapenness of it, and hooked upwards at the end. 

Her face bore the marks of Adler’s interrogations, with one particularly large jet black bruise around her chestnut eyes. The most puzzling thing about her however was her singular, tiny tattoo of a bell on her arm that was inked right beneath the crease where the forearm meets the upper arm. Other than that, her body was devoid of any alterations such as piercings or other, bigger tattoos. 

That’s what the two had used for her namesake; Bell. The name she gave them couldn’t be trusted, given her circumstances of capture. The woman hadn’t given them anything else, a simple first name of Eleanor (she had omitted her surname) and the name of a man in MI6 who had long since been dead according to the records the agency was willing to give up to another foreign intelligence agency, which to no one’s surprise, wasn’t much.

“We had a job to do…” Adler trailed off, and snapped his fingers. The woman instantly fell asleep. 

“Alright, that should do it for today. Keep the tapes playing and turn the volume up a bit louder, she’ll need to hear it in order to feel like she’s there.” A British woman’s voice had piped up from the background. Helen Park.

Hudson didn’t dare face her, he was never one for psychological warfare in the first place and here he was in the presence of the expert in it. From what he understood, Agent Park helped “blossom” this MK-Ultra project from its infancy back in the 60’s to the powerhouse of a weapon it was now, twenty years later. He took a sip from his coffee.

“You’re awfully quiet, Hudson.” She pointed out. 

“He’s always quietly brooding, That’s sort of his thing.” Adler chuckled as he turned his chair to face her, reaching into his pocket for his lighter and pack of cigarettes. “Want a light?” He asked, a cigarette between his teeth as he held another one out to Hudson. 

Hudson nodded, grabbing his zippo lighter from his pocket and taking a long drag. 

“So, tell me about this team you’re putting together. I’ve taken the liberty of reviewing some of the candidates you submitted but I’d like to hear some of your reasoning, maybe offer some suggestions.” Park said, leaning against the file cabinet. Hudson scoffed.

“I don’t need your suggestions, Agent Park. MI6 is already way too entangled as is. ” He said with a cigarette in between his teeth. “You’re only here at Adler’s insistence. If the man didn’t have such a tight hold on Command’s balls, you wouldn’t be here.”

“You wound me Hudson.” She rolled her eyes. “I know you don’t like this as much as the next person, but given her stubbornness and the situation at hand, it’s the only way.” Park reasoned, Adler nodded coolly but glanced down for naught but a second, rubbing at his temples. 

“Bullshit, but anyways,” Hudson took another drag. “What did you want to know?”

“Alex Mason and Frank Woods are certainly a peculiar choice for our team, given the circumstances of our friend in the chair.”

“Hate to break it to you, but any high stakes, top secret mission with Hudson, they’ve got to be on it.” Adler gave a light chuckle, light jabbing at Hudson’s shoulder.

“They’re good soldiers and they know how to shut their mouths. As brass as they can be, they’re great agents when they’re together.” He took another drag of his cigarette, Park opened her mouth to object but he cut her off quickly. ”And I don’t intend to tell either of them about Bell’s situation if that’s what you’re concerned about.” Hudson said sternly.

“The conditioning is only one of my concerns, among plenty others. They are charming, loyal to a fault, and easy to get along with. I’d imagine they’d be quick friends with Bell. That creates a problem when we must depose her, no?”

“But somehow that’s not a problem with Azoulay. Is he not charming and friendly, especially to women such as yourself and Bell?” He retorted.

“The big guy?” Adler chimed in, a slight smirk appeared across his features. “He’s not as emotionally volatile as Mason and Woods. He’d understand.”

“Fine. Regarding Mason and Woods, we’ll just have to make it convincing enough to take the blame off of you. They’ve been in the field long enough and seen plenty of people die, they’ll get over it even if they do befriend her.” Hudson began. “They’re tough bastards. Everyone on the team has been contacted, so it’s too late to change.” Hudson snuffed his cigarette on his boot, tossing it into the ashtray.

“I think Bell here has gone through enough today.” He muttered to himself.

“Pardon?” Park raised an eyebrow.

“I think Bell has gone through plenty today.” Hudson repeated, louder, ignoring protests from Park and Adler.

In an act of kindness atypical of a man such as Hudson, he rose from his uncomfortable, government issued swivel chair, striding towards the door leading into the room the girl was in. He turned off the television with the flashing images of Vietnam, removed her gag, and loosened her restraints.

Hudson snapped near her ear, and she was awake. He glanced at her eyes, noting how terrified they appeared. 

“Can you walk?” He spoke gruffly. The girl nodded, unsure and slow. Gingerly, she gripped at the arm rests, using it to leverage herself up. This was the most silence he’d ever heard from her, normally she always had some profanity to spew at whoever woke her up from the sessions. This was a degree of success Hudson did not expect, and secretly cursed.

Slowly and a bit unsteadily, she began to walk towards the door leading to the hallway where she knew by now she’d find her cell. Hudson placed a hand on his holster and the other ghosting at the small of her back -- not quite touching, but she most definitely knew it was there. 

Her walk was rather sedate, more akin to the undead than a real person, and the need for handcuffs just days ago was no longer there. Adler had broken her enough to where she just wouldn’t fight back anymore. 

“Get some rest.” He muttered when they reached her cell.

“Like you give a shit.” She said, with equal parts venom and pronounced exhaustion. Her voice was low, raspy, laced with an accent Adler himself admitted to finding rather exotic.

Hudson ignored her provocation. “Someone will bring you something to eat later.”

“Tell them to bring a cigarette.” She hoarsely laughed to herself as Hudson closed the door behind him, lightly chuckling to himself. She had been begging for a cigarette ever since Adler took her into custody, and once or twice she’d been indulged when she promised information in exchange for a light. At least there’s one glue that will hold this rag-tag team together; a crippling nicotine addiction. 

But even that was something Adler was trying to take from her. “It’s bad for her, we’re doing our little Bell a favor on this one.” He laughed when Hudson had questioned him about it, even as he hypocritically took a drag of his fifth one in the past three hours. Scarcely could Adler be seen without one in his hand, especially so since Trabzon, since Perseus came back into play.

Hudson went back into the room behind the two-sided glass, finding it now deserted. The pair must’ve called it quits for the day. Funny, he did not expect Adler to actually respect his authority in this situation, maybe he was just as tired as everyone else was. 

Hudson found it amusing once upon a time -- Adler’s almost absolute disregard for command when it did not suit the mission, maybe even virtuous at some moments, but now Hudson could not stand his impudence. People have been hurt, not saved this time around. 

Adler’s cruel desperation was evident in the way he treated Bell. He had not always been so unkind in the thirteen years Hudson had known him, so casually malicious as he was with only Bell. He has such a dark twisted obsession with the woman, he electrocutes her and calls her pretty all in the same breath. 

He had been a decent friend of Hudson for years, until a few weeks ago, a great respect remained unspoken between them but omnipresent in their friendship. Now, that rather optimistic viewpoint that was so rare for Hudson to behold of someone, had dwindled. Does he not remember Mason and the numbers, the macabre stories of what happened to him and what happened to others because of him? Or was he simply too blinded by Perseus to see? Or did he simply just not care?

The latter, even through Hudson’s now tainted lens of the man, seemed unlikely. Adler was not an uncaring, needlessly cruel man. Gruff and rough around the edges, most certainly, but never unnecessarily brutal like his actions towards Bell may suggest. One moment, the man was a stranger to Hudson, the next, an old friend. 

“What’s got you so lost in thought?” Adler clapped a hand on Hudson’s shoulder, startling the man. Speak of the devil.

“Mm.” He grunted. “Nothing.”

“Hm, so you just stare into nothing in your free time?” Adler said coolly. “I bet it's your wife?”

Hudson rolled his eyes, irritated at the scarred man before him, completely oblivious to even what was bothering him. The situation with Jacqueline had stopped badgering at his heart, eating him from the inside out long ago, Adler knew that well. 

“Sure.” 

“Just sign the damn divorce papers then.” Adler said, lighting yet again, another damn cigarette.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” He rubbed at his forehead, pulling the cigarette from Adler’s mouth and unceremoniously snuffing it in the ashtray. 

“What the fuck?” He spat, the indignancy becoming apparent in his tone. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Hudson snarled, rising from the chair he was previously slumped in. “Do you not see what you’re doing?”

“What? Bell?” Adler recollected himself, his infuriatingly cool demeanor once again washing over him as his mouth settled into a signature frown. “Why are you even mad about that?”

“Do you not remember Mason? Do you not remember that load of horseshit twenty years ago?” He glared daggers at Adler, and for a brief moment, there was silence ringing off the walls of the cinderblock room. Adler suddenly took a keen interest in his feet as Hudson awaited his answer.

“Mason was different.” He looked up again, his sunglasses making it almost impossible for Hudson to read his expression. “She’s a bad guy, he’s a good guy. He didn’t deserve it, she probably does.”

“Probably.” He scoffed. “You don’t even know anything about her. All you know was that some man associated with Perseus shot her.”

“I don’t have time to wait for a confession after months of interrogation or chase MI6 ghosts. You know what happens when Perseus comes into play. Nukes, noxious gasses, WMD's, that kind of shit.” Adler defended. “If she truly knows anything about Perseus, we owe it to everyone in the goddamn world to do whatever we can.”

“Oh spare me the soapbox.” Hudson laughed. “You tried conventional interrogation for one day and then immediately went for MK Ultra. You barely even tried the MI6 lead.” Hudson sighed, shocked at his own moral disgust. Perhaps Jacqueline was wrong -- he did have a heart. “We don’t even know if this is the right tree to be barking at, and if this isn’t, then the consequences are on your head. Not mine.”

“Go ahead, let it all fall on me if it goes south-”

“When it goes south.” Hudson interrupted,  glancing over, and silence ensued for a moment before he continued.

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means a shot at Perseus.” Adler took the previously snuffed cigarette that Hudson had snatched from his mouth, relighting it. “You had the power to stop this, y’know. This isn’t all my fault.”

He was right.

[nayruwu]

I don't want to come off as rude please don't take it as offense but I don't think guren is actually taken accountable, maybe by fandom on certain matter but narrative pretty much white washed most of his actions & whatever is left will be done in future I don't have any doubts about that. I'm not even saying this as his hater because I used to defend him before a lot but with how kagami is going right now I don't think ons wi have any 'good' ending because kagami makes characters do some heinous & evil things that cannot be undone but then justify it later on even if it make sense or not. As for mahiru, im not asking you to see her from different perspective if you don't like her I understand she's just too far gone as character even I feel uncomfortable with her. But consider this for a second, she don't actually have her own character, her personality revolves around guren most of time even tho she have her own traumatic past but none of it ever get mentioned let alone explored, she's just an accessory for guren so pushing most hate on her for what author is doing is kinda stupid cause no one is putting gun on his head to write that & logically speaking a person like mahiru who loves her own standing & hates when others cannot go all out like her wouldn't actually fall for someone like guren it's just author who fixated her on him so he can write gurens story. As for constant glorification of beauty, she was 16 don't you think author is very weird with how he was sexualizing a minor through narrative in every weird way possible? & why I think this needs to be talked more when addressing all those "mahiru goddess" complains is because he's really weird for that, 1st he sexualizes kids a lot be it shikama saying toddler looking mikayuu to breed, ferid's mansion having kids in very suggestive clothing in mikaela novels & kids literally r4p!ng eachother on same novels, kureto using r4p3 threats baby shinoa, sayuri & shigure just there to get stripped time to time, mitos assault end up becoming more about how much hurt guren is, & 10 yo mahiru mocking about putting seeds in her to shinya like that's not normal & mahiru isn't any exception. Take it as grain of salt but when it comes to actual criticism ons fandom tend to not talk about what's actually weird about the writing aside from bad writing & hiragi sisters getting in way by doing something dumb & irredeemable ons fans only ever address it when they're really pissed off by chapter or hit the ceiling with patience. That's it, I hope it didn't come off as offensive im sorry if it did tho.

oh don't worry, you're good! i've talked about these things before and don't really want to repeat myself again so i'm sorry if this answer is short. but yes, kagami definitely messed up with guren recently and i don't think anyone that seriously likes him on a deeper level disagrees. i'm all up for criticising him, i just think that the fandom has been beating his ass enough for the last 3 and a half years. especially now that Mx. 'I Cause Pain And Suffering To Get My Loved Ones Back Version 2.0' Doji has entered the stage and is somehow getting glorified to hell and back for it.

you guys keep making me think about mahiru please stop i don't wanna. i'm gonna be mean to her and say i think her obsession with guren mostly stems from the weird fantasy she's got going on in her head with the forbidden romance and her prince freeing her from the clutches of her family, so it could have been any guy naïve enough to fall for her brainwashing. insert "she's in love with the idea of guren, not guren himself" paragraph here. she's weird, i don't get her, i want to think about nicer things. like byakkomaru's paw pads. they're good.

perhaps you should just ask the guremxhi stans. they probably know more than me! be nice about it though.

and i've seen plenty of criticism towards the consant SA mentions and really odd descriptions of the girls - it's the first thing anyone talks about when someone asks whether or not they should read catastrophe. we're all aware of it, we all hate it, but it's useless to complain about the same thing over and over again. kissies

[sanchoyowrites]

Scrapped ideas for Cold Love! 

I’ve gone through about 5-10 drafts with a LOT of scrapped ideas and plot threads! Now that I’ve gotten almost done with it, I wanted to share some of those! I planned to earlier, but realized some of them might be iffy, so I waited until the latest chapter! I may come back and share more later, but these are the ones I can reveal up to this point. :)

Under the cut because if you aren’t 100% caught up with CL, some of these are a liiiiittle spoilery! (and definitely spoilery as far as the manga goes- but if you’re reading Cold Love, you’ve definitely already been spoiled if not a weekly reader... 3: )

-In the very, very first draft, Tenko and MC stayed in America her entire transfer term, without contacting the lov. It went through month by month showing snippets of what they were doing, then flashing to snippets of the lov. it got pretty angsty because the longer they stayed, the more Tenko felt bad about not contacting them, but he needed space to think for himself-

-in that first draft the first chapter thats basically all recap like that ^ ends with tenko getting kidnapped by AFO. and MC has to go to Japan, alone, and find the lov to Save Him!

-And then she runs into Hawks first and FREAKS. OUT. thinking he’s going to arrest her, and he’s like ooooh crud she doesnt KNOW. they don’t actually fight, he just calls up Dabi first thing. this was written back when everyone thought there was a good chance of Hawks Actually Joining the Lov :( Also in that version, Giran played a huge role in helping MC find the lov and was just SO funny. I love (1) uncle even though his role isn’t as prominent in this version. 

-MC killed the doctor in the first draft. it was dr VS dr, but he was basically trying to persuade MC to work WITH him and he’d teach her how to do his work and take up his mantle, and if she got AFO’s approval she and Tenko could be together without fighting AFO; then she shot the dr for even suggesting that LMAO

-Hawks actually escorts her to I-Island instead of Nine in one of the early drafts! Under the guise of her being a winner of a trip with him or something as a cover story. They persuade Melissa MUCH easier because he’s the #2 hero and all. I changed this when the new movie came out and I was thirsty for more lov/Nine’s group interaction...I get attached to minor characters/movie only characters, what can I say. And with everyone expecting Hawks to be a traitor, it made making it Nine do it more.. fun for me to write, honestly. haha 

-there was a draft where AFO effectively brainwashed Tenko after capturing him and MC had to try to make him fall in love again and try not to get murdered. fun to write, but I wanted to focus more on their already established relationship rather than the struggle of trying to build it again!! (it made for GREAT ANGST tho)

-In one of the early drafts Tenko and MC were trying desperately to hunt the dr down for info (or to kill him, I can’t remember) and Tenko KNEW the doctor hung around schools and pediatrician places for kid’s quirks because kids are easy targets, so. MC and Tenko went to a bunch of schools pretending to be parents looking to enroll their pretend child and asking about the school nurses/doctors for their sickly kid. it was SO EXTRA. but also a whole chapter of them making up funny backstories with fake names and pretending to be parents together. it was SO cheesy and cute and I’m so sad it had to be scrapped, personally. I ultimately chose to have Kurogiri do the dr in because. The poetic cinema, but. Yeah!

-There was a version where while in America, AFO broke out, and the commission (being supremely sucky, ) decides, well, to get him back or kill him, we need bait. All Might and Tomura Shigaraki shaped bait! So All Might comes to America where MC and Tenko are (the commission found out about that via Gran Torino snooping in Naomasa’s files...) and basically has to ask them to come with him. The commission sends Hawks as an extra security measure (obv they cant send ENDEAVOR, hes “”needed”” in Japan...I just didn’t want to write him <3) 

But again, this draft was super early on when we all thought Hawks would turn for real. So Hawks had brought the entire LOV via a bracelet of compressed marbles... (he likes jewelry in canon!! he’s always wearing a ton of it in official art!! this would have been perfect--)  And for one reason or another they all end up on a roadtrip together to the desert in America (that’s where the commission wanted to lure AFO, because it was a no civilian zone or something?) This was all very convoluted and just me like ‘well what if the lov had a fun roadtrip together in a small space like a bus, and had funny and tender moments. And All Might is the bus driver because it’s REALLY funny to have Tenko picking on him, but then have actual heartfelt moments and talks later about morals--

-A version where Melissa gave Toga her blood to go get information from the heroes! It was basically like ‘give us Melissa Shield back and we’ll exchange money’, but they ask for info instead to try and find out more about the Tartarus break-ins. Melissa is talking to Toga through an ear piece, and Toga has to act perfectly and pretend David Is her Dad And She Missed Him. It’s very jarring for her to see a parent who really loves their kid.  :( I cut this because I didn’t want them to need too much outside help to figure it out and the whole scene got very convoluted, but...it was really fun and heartbreaking. :”)

-That first draft I mentioned way up there ^ was super dark. No idea what I was thinking, but it was VERY angst-heavy, and ooc in places because the league splits for a while because of in fighting and without Tenko they fall apart and start questioning themselves. I did think I went mildly ooc in the other way with the league in the final draft, in that I made them SOOO affectionate with each other, but the latest manga chapters make me wonder about that. Maybe I was right all along. They are a family. >:”) 

[1358456]

Review Response, June 28 - July 4, 2020

Another week!

Destiny #020

1)  You say “imagine how happy they’d be!” But knowing you I’m pretty sure that’s not that direction you’re going in T_T Anyways, a stray thought came across my mind while reading this chapter. I’m around these some of these kids age right? With some definitely younger than me yet, if I were in their position, I would most likely have died on the first day... They’re truly the best of their world, huh? Imagine being that powerful. Beyond even their experiences, because even when they all first started their journey they were surely inexperienced and still faced many hardships without losing hope (or dying lmao). But they are after all, protagonists, and people don’t write stories about others who can’t survive something dangerous in the first place. One of these dangerous things being sacrifices! I swear to god, no one can every say chivalry is dead with these people. Constantly making sacrifices. I don’t consider myself all that selfish, but all they’re selflessness makes me think otherwise. What with Diamond putting himself in harm’s way for Platinum (although him, I can understand, he does love her and it *is* sort of his duty?) and Blue sacrificing her somewhat artificial happiness in the last chapter, and just so much more. Let me tell you, if I had seen zombies, I would have said fuck this and high tailed my way outta there. You’re on your own lady, I’m not turning into a cannibal by eating brains even when there’s legendaries band in order to escape someone would need to hold them back. Although what could one person do anyhow. The odds are just too high against them. Going back to stray thoughts, when you mentioned the ice shard near the end of the chapter the only thing that came across my mind was, “that fucking weavile again”. And lo behold! That fucking weavile again. For a guy having over 200 Pokémon with many different kinds of attacks, he sure does love using that one ice shard attack to ambush people. (Might I dare say that he’s... a simpleton at heart?!). Peter can go suck it tbh.

Well, I think that’s common in most anime/manga, right? The protagonists tend to survive things that they have no chance in surviving. And because of that, I try to ignore some of the realistic damages that would be done to them. If I try to keep things too realistic, everyone would die very quickly. Hehe.

Haha. Everyone for themselves in a zombie attack? Well, maybe if you had someone you’re devoted to, that might change. I think I would do what Diamond did, personally.

Ah, yes. The freaking Weavile. The Mega Hunter is based on a real life friend who may or may not still be in Pokemon Special Discord, so the Pokemon he uses in Destiny are pretty much what he has in his game files, using combos that he uses in the games. Like that Eruption all-in. Motherf*cking Eruption all-in... Anyways. The Weavile is his anti-sweep guy. It’s his contingency Pokemon in case his opponent used Dragon Dance or Quiver Dance one too many times and is in danger of sweeping the entire team. Fake Out for free damage. Then Ice Punch or Knock Off on the turn it takes a hit and survives with Focus Sash, and if that’s not enough, Ice Shard afterwards. And usually the Ice Shard does enough, especially if the boosted Pokemon is not resistant to Ice. And because of that, if he’s not using a dedicated all-in team, the Weavile is ALWAYS THERE. So... freaking Weavile, indeed.

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Destiny #021

1)  I mean, damn. I can hardly blame her for her decision, it’s actually a little genius. Betraying trust for either side would be awful for Blue (even though Peter was *technically* the one to kill Silver, but FINE Blue whatever) and so... why not just give up the chance of both? Until she comes to the realization that stepping out would actually be betraying both sides, which would probably make her feel worse. I wonder what it will be that makes Blue join the Dexholder’s side? It’s gotta be in just a little while. I can’t see her changing her mind too quickly, but at at least in the next 15 chapters, I think? That’s a large gap. And maybe it’ll be Green who finds her and finally manages to convince her to fight. Well, we’ll just have to see. But regarding Silver... I had no idea he would die. It makes a bit of sense now, since he did not have a lot of screen time (? Fic time? Or maybe just focus..). And this actually kind of surprises me because I would have imagined that you’d take the opportunity to hit it where it hurts (no judgement it’s a writer thing to do), which then makes me realize you probably will... but who? My bets are on Diamond. That would hurt admittedly. And you said three deaths, right? Then either Black or White (not just because they’re from a different generation, but because one of them would die right after finding each other again). But then I also remember you seeing “no more than”, so it might just be two. No joke tho, when Platinum stepped into the graveyard I’d been ready to bet 500 in cold hard cash that Diamond was brainwashed. Had there been anyone to bet with me I could have boughten a PlayStation 4 for myself.

Ah, poor Blue. Declaring neutrality after losing all hope in life... but she’s not truly allowed to be neutral... ... 15 chapters? Heh. That’s FAR too long. If she’s left to herself and so she has to rely on her mood steadily improving, then yes, it would probably take 15 chapters or something. But if she was to be... shocked out of her state...

And if memory serves... this was the chapter I wrote while I was in the hospital after getting stabbed. And I had to type with one hand because I couldn’t move my left after that incident. That was... almost 5 years ago. Damn.

Hehe. Silver used up his screen time to increase someone else’s screen time. Hitting where it hurts? ... Well, I do that at times. But I also hit where it doesn’t hurt at times. In short, I just hit. ... Sounds awful in and out of context. Hmm... Three deaths, huh? Well, I remember saying that in early Destiny. But I also remember saying that I retract that statement later on, upping the max death count from 3 to unspecified. “It might just be two”. Ohohoho!

Hehe. Oh, you are right before the chapter that has the critical scene which helped create Destiny in the first place. And I eagerly await your reaction. Huhuhu...

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DE #031

1)  This is extremely cute. Moar of this pairing pls

... You know, I almost forgot that I wrote that pairing.

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Still at 3, huh? 7500 words. It never ceases to amaze me how disappointed I can get with every story update.

[midorimochi]

Post-canon Fashion & Hair Styling: hair, clothes and the biggest head-scratcher 🗣️❓

One of the major head-scratchers this game got me was the detail related to the characters' clothing.

While all of us spent time wondering how the cast appeared as SHSL Despair in those that could only be edgy™ clothes, - because brr brr Despair - it's not weird for the cast to actually appear in the game in what seem to be "normal" clothes anyone could wear in any day, (except for Mioda who has quite the unique style) because I think the only kind of despair none of them would love to feel even in canon is the despair of being dirty and to smell. So yup, these people do bath and do change their clothes from time to time.

That being said, at first I assumed they wore "chill" clothes because those were clothes they could have used to wear quite often before getting the HPA uniform - thus the avatars could have been built with memories of especially beloved and older clothes - but the game does show Ko in his "in-game" clothes before the game itself really started, doesn't it?

Chapter 0

Chapter(s) 1 (-5)

So it's not weird to see most of them wear the same clothes after the game.

But how does this work on Hinata's case?

Why does he - as Kamukura - wear the Reserve Course uniform and why does he still have his hair so long when he's seen on chapter 0...

...while the flashback pre-HPA does rightly show Hinata with the uniform of his previous high school,

but at the end of the game it's like nothing ever happened and he still looks like above?

Where does the old uniform come from if he wore the RC one?? What about his hair?

I know this post may be unnecessary but I was thinking about this because I did see people speculating on this matter, plus, I saw art and headcanons where once Hinata woke up, he cut or had someone cut his hair for him as a symbolic gesture of him "cutting" off with his past as Kamukura, but what if he didn't need to cut his hair at all?

I mean, I know this is only a "general picture" but

none of the girls wore trousers in the game so this "random shape" could possibly belong only to one of the boys, plus it's the clearest shadow you can see here, not to mention that out of all the boys the one who resembles it the most is Hinata, even if you go by exclusion. 

Keeping in mind the type and shape of clothes as well, it obviously can't be someone like the Impostor, Nidai or Hanamura who had different and peculiar body shapes, it can't be Kuzuryuu because his shadow would look shorter, it can't be Komaeda, Souda or Tanaka because their hairstyles are rather discernable (plus Souda wears a cap which this shadow doesn't seem to wear for what is possible to see) and we can't see the antenna because not the whole head is visible but out of all the male students, Hinata's hairstyle, body shape and clothing are the ones who could match with this picture the best.

The thing is, you can style your hair differently, you can dye it ("What about his color hair, tho?" I wondered, but I believe Kamukura's hair being black was established mostly for the sake of... antagonistic-ish aesthetic...), you can use colored lenses or you can grow in height, but your face is still your face. Not only this, but the name Kamukura Izuru has also been hidden according to canon (with the Despair Twins possibly being the only ones to be aware of it, HPA scientists aside) and the DR trio wasn't certain about his existence either, but why were they more surprised at Hinata being Kamukura that Hinata existing at all?

I guess that Kamukura never used his name outside of HPA. I doubt he ever introduced himself to anyone and he may have been only seen in his appearance and not known as a person.

During the investigation on chapter 6, on the subjects list hint the name used is Hinata Hajime, not Kamukura Izuru and while this was made on purpose because Monokuma lies sometimes/to not get Hinata immediately suspicious/to not spoil the plot twist on his identity, the DR trio seemed to have known Hinata as Hinata in the simulation.

That being said, I believe not only Kamukura didn't introduce himself as Kamukura Izuru, but he hadn't introduced himself at all.

If he's been seen wearing the RC uniform when the Naegi&Co found him, they may have simply thought he was a survivor of the RC students' mass suicide who had been either brainwashed or traumatized 'til the point of mutism, even, since he seemed to always stay silent (not to mention he really had nothing to say to the FF members, either), which could be why the DR trio thought to include him to the Hope Rehabilitation Program.

The RC uniform is rather generic, though, so perhaps they guessed it was an ex-HPA student because 1) he may have looked his age; 2) he may have been seen either following or observing the other SHSL Despair members or even standing close to the ex-HPA building.

They may have only known he was A) an ex-HPA student; B) a former HPA student from the RC; who C) was still very likely to be an SHSL Despair himself.

So how did they know Hinata as Hinata? Simply because he introduced himself as such in the simulation.

Why did Naegi and Kirigiri not believe he could be Kamukura? Because they probably observed him in the NWP, they related to him as one of those who did most of the work to investigate and solve the mysteries of the murder cases and - especially on Naegi's side - sympathized with him to a certain degree (I mean, Komaeda used his skills to mess with the results, Nanami was an A.I...) learning to consider him someone absolutely incapable of doing something such as killing. This may also explain why Naegi seemed to rely on him (okay Hinata is the protag and Naegi trusts everyone but still, Hinata-kun).

Plus, if the SHSL Despairs decided to enter on the NWP on their own, it's also possible they took some sort of "distance pact" to fully fulfill the role and play the part by agreeing to wear old clothes or that Kamukura anonymously ordered all the others to do so, somehow. If this was the case this would also imply he'd try to recreate his old appearance but how would he find information about his previous self?

If any info on him has been hidden/deleted to prevent anyone knowing anything about him, wouldn’t it make sense to also hide/delete the information about the Kamukura Izuru Project subject as well? 

Not only that, but even if Kamukura has been described as a totally different person, he’s just an amnesiac Hinata with many talents but with no emotions, so he couldn’t know anything about Hinata by himself even if he tried because he couldn’t remember. 

That is, unless he did some research/investigation by himself or has found a random lead because of his SHSL Luck and if this is the case, he may have paid a lil’ visit to HinaMom and HinaDad just to pick his old uniform, following the DR trio, traveling to Jabberwock Island by boat with Ko, taking some private time (?) to cut his hair and to change his clothes (?) and then, he may have lied down on the NWP pod.

If that was the case, there was no need for the NWP to overwrite anything in his body - appearance-wise - in the first place, plus, it could also be likely due to his analytic skills for which he could foresee he’d have needed to change his appearance to revert to his old one since the beginning. Perhaps this could also explain why did his own avatar wear Hinata’s previous high school uniform, too?

This problem could also be applied to Saionji’s avatar, hairstyle and clothing.

Why is it that the kimono she wears and her hairstyle in the game are different compared to her kimono and her hair in the newspaper article photo after her growth spurt?

Did she wear an older kimono for the sake of having the NWP building her avatar according to her younger self with the kimono she used to wear most of the time? Maybe her favorite older kimono? The one she deemed more appropriate? Did she style her hair in two pigtails for the same reason?

If that's the case, was it even possible for her to still have such an old kimono?

The point is, how did she wake up, exactly? Did she wake up with a kimono that was too little for her body shape?

If she didn't, did she have a spare kimono in case she'd wake up Enoshima-fied or did anyone have to sew a newer kimono on purpose to prevent her from getting exposed at her awakening? Did she change her hairstyle and her accessories later?

[floraone]

Oi! I LOVE IKIGAI AND YUGEN! Ok let me calm down first.... Here's the thing, I've never liked Mamoru since my childhood. I'm a huge usagixseiya and usagixharuka shipper BUT your fics made me go head over heels for Mamo-chan! I am a literature student for gods sake, you had me from the first chapters! I keep refreshing the site like a freak to see if there's a new chapter🌚 I even felt weirdly sad at some point because your depiction of mamoru is so lovely and real (1)

(2) "uuuugh can a man like this exist? where is my true love jeez.." haha. so I just wanted to thank you for awesome stories and I hope you never stop writing🎈 I was wondering tho, have you ever thought of writing a harukaxusa? or seiyaxusa? you'd literally slay! imma try to do some artwork for your lovely babies on my free time🌺 ja ne! *seiya smirk*         

So, first: OMG O M G thank you for that COMPLIMENT?!! I’m freaking out, here??? You’re a LITERATURE student and you like my stuff???? Wow. Also you have NO idea how giddy it makes me that I managed to make you like Mamoru!!!!??!!! Wow. wow. (And yes, lol, Naoko modeled him after the “ideal man”... and I kinda tried to stay true to that lol. Just a little sad, poor baby boy!)

As for writing haruka x usa, or seiya x usa ... you know, in a world where Mamoru stayed dead, or a world where all of the Senshi and Mamo-chan are dead except Haruka and Usagi, and they only have each other to comfort, I can totally totally totally see those ships. I’m definitely far from hating on those ships and see the beauty in them.

Seiya and Usagi are my BROTP, so you’ll find him in a lot of my future writing, but unless Mamoru is deceased, there will be little chance for Seiya and Usagi to end up together, lol. BUT, as I said, there are constellations in which I can totally see it. So I can’t say I’ll never write it, lol? At the moment tho, I have a list of SEVENTEEN (!!!) fic ideas that I’ll never be able to write lined up in my drafts, ready to be started on, once Yugen is done and I’ve had a bit of a break. Haruka X Usa hasn’t made its appearance in there, but maybe the potential for some PAST Seiya x Usa in one of them? Maybe? If you’re asking so nicely I’ll have a think about it, lol - but definitely only under the condition that it WOULD have been Mamoru for her, were he not (presumed) dead/missing for centuries/brainwashed for good/convinced her forever that he did break up with her/etc and she’s actually still in mourning, like, DECADES later.

AND OMG O M G YOU WANNA DO ARTWORK FOR ME?!!! O M G? I *will* cry, I’ll tell you now!!! XD XD XDD

[delikizzzplays]

Nightshade/ Hyakka Hyakurou Review (Spoilers!)

So I did something I should not have done while playing this game. I started it with Gekkamaru’s route. Some suggestions I saw for route order said it doesn’t matter who I start with as each route is spoilery in its own way. BUT THEN everyone on Reddit was like save him for last and I was already halfway through his route so I thought- fuck it -and played it anyways.

So yeah don’t be like me and save him for last or second to last.

Route Order I played: Gekkamaru>Hanzo>Chojiro>Goemon>Kuroyuki

Route Order I would Suggest: Hanzo> Goemon>Chojiro> Gekkamaru>Kuroyuki  (You can put Goemon last if you want to balance out the angst and leave the game with happy thoughts)

Level of Tears: Gekkamaru>Chojiro>Kuroyuki=Hanzo=Goemon ( I only cried during gekka and chojiro which I will explain during my spoiler filled character review)

Gameplay: It’s a typical visual novel where you get to make choices once or twice per chapter and sometimes none at all. Each route is 11-13 chapters long.  This game is unique in that you will see Enju’s sprite interacting with everyone on the screen. 

There is also moving background with leaves falling, screen shaking and so on. The game has great animation during action scenes for a visual novel. There are two endings good and bad, depending on how high you raise your affection with a guy will result on the ending you get. Bad ends also come with CGs so if you’re a completionist you need to play them. Also completing both ends unlock bonus scenes under memoirs which I have not read yet.

Music: Really good. The opening and ending songs are not included in the OST pack by the way so if you just want those you might need to head to itunes to get it.

Voice acting: So so good! Hanzo <3 This is one of those games when I wished our protagonist lady Enju was voiced as well. All the side characters’ voice actors were also top notch.

Gameplay time: 38 hours for me.

Story: There are two different plots. Depending on the character the plot will change which will result in how the murdered king will look. It is not a censoring issue it was done on purpose. There are a bunch of plot points that you will come across and they will get answered as you play the routes. When I was done with the game all the questions I had were answered and that is not the case with a lot of games so props to RED and D3P.

CGs: The art is obviously great as it is the same artist that also did Norn9. However, there are CGs that I felt were useless and “filler” where some plot points I think deserved a CG and we got a totally random pointless one instead of a more romantic scene. Also, not all characters get kiss CGs like WTF?! It happens in the story but no CG for the actual scene like why?

Side Characters: Kyara and Ennosuke are the OTP of this game. I ship them so hard. And the little girl is so cute and precious (although her whiny crying/wailing scenes can get a bit annoying at times so I would have to fast forward to avoid the sound). Also Lord Ie—was such a waste of a potential route. He has the same seiyuu as my baby Ukyo and he is literally the only member of the five elders with a character design so like why is he not a route?????

Now on to the bachelors:

Hanzo: He is the best boy imho. I loved his route the most not only because he is hot and has an amazing seiyuu but because it has the best character development. Enju grows as a ninja and as an individual as she trains to be a badass through her own free will. She also learns to appreciate her life and fight for it instead of choosing to sacrifice herself whenever there is a conflict. Hanzo also grows as a human being. He is a ninja who only knows the shinobi way and would not do anything against his master’s orders and does not see the fellow ninjas he works with as nothing but collateral damage if they were to die. He learns to connect with people emotionally and that there is more to life than killing people. His good ending is great while his bad ending is cheesy af but he is still my favorite. 

The only thing that bothered me about him was his age (and that wouldn’t have bothered me since it’s a historical show BUT he was friends/acquaintances with her mother and she even trusted him enough to whisk her away from her shitty life when she was pregnant with Enju… like what?) He is also the greatest shinobi ever.

Chojiro: I only cried during 2 routes and he was one of them. I did not enjoy his route as much because one: they are cousins so like incest why? (at least they are not siblings I guess??) second: they spend the route mostly apart as the story goes back and forth between what they are doing. I mean plot wise it’s good I guess but romance wise it’s like nope. The route still had its cute moments. CHojiro, like Hanzo, also goes through the whole shinobi life vs emotions dilemma but he is a harder nut to crack I feel like. The part where everyone died also sucked ass. But they all died back to back so I cried once during this route. 

(also the only character who gets a childhood ver. cg)

His bad ending was also better than his good ending. His character design and seiyuu is great tho. Also, he is the 2nd greatest shinobi.

Goemon: I called all the plot twists in his route except for the part where it was revealed that he was the leader of those ninjas with the red devil masks. I was like how many secret identities does he have??? He is the resident flirty guy who is also a great shinobi (he was trained with Hanzo and chojiro when they were kids and part of the same clan). His route is one of those good ones where no one dies and they all live happily ever after at the end. 

I called the plot twist when the kid they find on the road ended up being a shinobi of the purple masked guys so it wasn’t that big of an impact. I also called it when he was lying to Enju saying all these horrible things and “killing” everyone because they emphasized on him being able to trick people and being amazing with drugs, poisons, and antidotes so I knew it was a cop out. His bad ending really sucks though because that’s when Enju believes him being a traitor and basically gets herself killed. All that planning and plotting ends up being for nothing and kinda gave me Game of Thrones vibes.

Gekkamaru: He is the cutest babe. He is the overprotective bodyguard of Enju. He has a lot of cute moments but also a lot of tragic ones. I cried the most during this route.

 First, he murders his BFF Ennosuke for Enju’s sake. When it happened I was so surprised because he was the first route I played and didn’t think they would actually kill characters. Since all the characters died at different chapters I ended up spending the 2nd half of the game bawling my eyes out. He is overprotective but generally knows to control himself when Enju is like chill bro I’m a shinobi, too. He sees nothing but blood thought if she is in actual danger which is later on explained as this curse put on him by Enju’s mom. It is really sad and kinda makes you question if he really loves her or if it was part of the curse but he says he does really love her when the curse breaks so I’ll believe him!

Kuroyuki: The resident tsundere. His route made me really uncomfortable because of all the lies he told and how he manipulated Enju and made her completely dependent on him. It is such an unhealthy relationship I really enjoyed it when Kyara and Gekkamaru said it as it is and tried to get her to see the reality. (I posted some screencaps of those scenes) Of course when we learn about his past and what he went through the past eight years you would end up feeling bad for him but still like what the fuck bro you didn’t have to brainwash her with your weird powers gosh. 

His story and Gekkamaru’s reveal the most about the plot (each route reveals a key point but the brothers reveal the most so save them for last)

Overrall: I really enjoyed the game and would rate it a solid 4/5. If you like historical romance with plot and voice acting I would definitely suggest it.