#even the trees are sad and the bushes died

[deadhead-greenpinky]

Personal rambling.. keep it moving.

Idk where to start I’m just so sad and frustrated.. I told my husband I didn’t feel ready for a dog. I’m so overwhelmed with the new house and I’ve only moved once before so it’s a big change for me. The plan was to wait a couple years but he talked me into getting one now anyway. I thought, why not? Not much is going to change in a couple years, we’ve always wanted a dog, I’ll adjust.

I did not adjust. I hated every second of it. I love dogs and don’t understand why I felt that way. I just started hating the puppy and my husband more and more every day. I got very depressed. The house was a disaster and it was so hot my garden completely died because I couldn’t keep up with everything.

My mom took the puppy. My husband was sad and understandably upset but understood. I’m just still so upset he didn’t listen. And I’m upset I didn’t put my foot down. I was feeling good about this house I was excited to finish unpacking and decorate and learn how to care for the beautiful garden that was left here.. my chronic pain still gets to me sometimes but I felt really happy in spite of that. This ruined it. My mental health is the worst it’s been in many years. I’m so disappointed in myself.

[blushblushbear]

Fck it- let’s get some ANGST rolling

All the boys reacting to their S/O dying right in front of them, and they are partially responsible for it.

Doesn’t matter how; freak accident, prank/date gone wrong, ppl who have a personal vendetta against them and want revenge- I want to know how they react and how they move on from that moment onwards (if they do at all)

DO.YOUR.WORST!!!

(I’m new to this fandom btw. Hi!! 👋🏼 I rly like your writing :)

AHHHH THANK YOU! I try weirdly hard to do a decent job

but yeah okay *cracks knuckles* let's get into it B)

SHIT'S UNDER THE CUT CAUSE IT'S A LOT AND IT'S DEPRESSING

tw: character death, death in general, violence, gun violence, depression, grief, guilt, heartbreak

Nimh

So I think Nimh's is a freak accident

I think you two are just walking along the side walk together and it's nice and normal and peaceful

and then a car swerves off the road and right towards you two

let's sad for added against you pushed him out of the way on instinct

I think his vision is actually blurred at first when he looks up from his spot in a bush

he does have a heart condition so that amount of shock is gonna make him legitimately dizzy

he almost dies right there when he looks over and sees you unconscious on the ground surrounded by blood

he is full on having a panic attack and can't breath and honestly everything is a dizzy blur for the next few hours

he falls over again just running over to you and is lost to the world as the rest of the scene unfolds around him

he's full on not seeing or hearing anything as he holds you bleeding in his arms

he doesn't even notice how badly he's hyperventilating

you actually don't die right there on the spot

you're put in an ambulance and rushed to the er and then to the icu and Nimh is in the hospital with you

They're also taking care of him as well since he is actually pretty banged up and is clearly having a serve panic attack and might legit pass out if not tended to

when you finally get to the hospital and start to wheel you away to the icu as other er staff are looking over him as a patient he pretty much starts loosing his shit

he wants to go with you but they need to make sure he's okay too

he's sobbing as they take his vitals

you last a few days and he never leaves your side

his parents come by to bring him food and clean clothes and a blanket but he's not leaving you once he's found you again in the icu

it's terrifying to him how still and hurt you look

he talks to you while you're out

honestly for all 3 of those days, he still had hope

no matter what the doctors said

but when he woke up on the morning of the 4th day to the sound of your flat line he watched all his hopes and dreams crumble in front of him

his happy future he saw for himself died with you

he's honestly a depressive mess and his body has not taken to the stress well at all (heart condition and panic attacks)

it's made even worse by the fact that he keeps having dreams about you

that always turn into nightmares where he relives holding you lifeless and bleeding in his arms

I'm going to be honest

I think due to the mix of the stress this puts on his already frail body

and the fact that he's sort of lost his will to live

he actually only lasts a few months after the accident

he was already lucky enough to make it this fair into his life, lucky enough to find the strength to always keep trying and make his body better, lucky enough to find you

but I guess his luck ran out

for what it's worth, I do think he goes peacefully in his sleep

dreaming about you

but a good dream this time

it's just tragic all around

poor Nimh

Volks

Volks' is another nice day turned tragic

You guys had gone out hiking, and he had helped you climb a tree because he really wanted to show you the view

it was taller than you had ever climbed but he promised that he wouldn't let anything happen to you

and as you too are looking at the view--- well, YOU are looking at the view, Volks is looking at you pretty much the whole time (like he always does)

but for a brief moment he took his eyes off you to also look at the view with you

and in that moment a strong wind shook the branch and made you loose your balance

your security tie failed and you went tumbling

that split second moment went by like an hour to Volks

the sudden realization that you weren't there

then looking down and seeing you falling

it took all of his will power to not instinctively jump after you

but when he saw you hit the ground he never scrambled down a tree so quickly

every part of him was shaking and his heart was pounding in his ears

he came up to you and you were still alive, but badly hurt

he gently cradled you in his arms and noticed you had blood coming out of your head

he pulled you onto his back panicking

calling 911 with his shaking hand

he met them on the side of the road and rode with you in the back of the ambulance

the whole time he was just staring wide eyed and pale at you

you were alive and moving but you were so out of it

the ems said you had definitely hit your head on something on the fall (probably a rock) and that you had several broken bones

you got none of that

Volks heard every word of it loud and clear like the worst was being confirmed for him

and he was responding to none of it

just staring at you

when you got to the hospital, his mom was already rushing out to meet the paramedics

you had met her a few times, she really liked you a lot, and especially liked how happy you made her son

she was taking charge since you were already like family to her

when they wheeled you back she told Volks to follow

your vitals were starting to tank and you've lost too much blood

the er room was a panicked frenzy that you were too out of it to comprehend

and the whole time Volks just kept staring at you

in your state, you were trying to make anything out

then you looked over at Volks

and when you looked at him there was this look of recognition and almost like relief

he stared back at your eyes, dull and distant but fully seeing him, the blood running down your forehead ruining the tenderness this look would've otherwise brought him

he didn't realize it yet, but he was tearing up

you reached out your hand to him weakly

he practically jumped forward, walking to you and taking your hand

your grip was weak and there was dirt and blood on your palms

you squeezed his hand as best you could manage

and you smiled at him

gazing lovingly into his eyes

and as he gazed back into yours

he watched as your bright eyes went dark

and then unfocused

he heard the single note of you leaving

and felt a panic he'd never known before as your hand slipped from his

his vision blurred as he just stood there shaking in disbelief

he couldn't find any words or form any thoughts as tears streamed down his cheeks

in a distance he heard his mom's voice

he heard his name

she was saying something

she felt her hand numb on his back

but he couldn't take any of it in

he just stared at you

for maybe the last time

you were just here and now you were gone

he

his contact finally broke when his mom pulled him away into a hug

she was crying on his shoulder, and holding her baby boy so tight

Volks blinked and it all hit him at once

and he broke down in his mothers arms as they crumpled to the floor together and sobbed

months went by

and he barely left the house

he went back and forth between staring at the wall and looking back over pictures you took together and texts you had sent

then crying

then back to the wall

his mom checked in on him a lot

but he's barely there anymore

on one visit she brings him food and notices a rose in a vase with fresh water

it's one he brought home from your funeral

it's long dead but he keeps watering it

for the millionth time Volks' mom preaches the helpfulness of grief counseling and invites him to join her this week at the group meeting

he refuses and she goes back to unloading the food she brought him into his fridge

he's not eating much though

on her way out she kisses his forehead and tells him she loves him

she stops at the door

and looks back at the rose

then her son

'you know.... they would've wanted you to be happy... that's all they ever wanted...'

Volks is silent for a while

his mom sighs and gets ready to leave again

'hey mom....'

she turns

'...what time is the therapy group?'

Kelby

Ya know, weirdly enough, I think Kelby actually handles all this the healthiest of all the boys??

also before I give an actual death lemme just say it's really hard for me to think of something for Kelby that's not Final Destination levels of insane lol

but no, okay okay

ahem

I think with Kelby it's just a regular ol' run of the mill daily tragedy

You're driving together, he's at the wheel, you guys are probably headed to a nice day at the beach

or back from a nice day at the beach

it's late but he's careful

but the sad truth is careful doesn't matter when other people drink and drive

your car is hit head on by someone going twice the speed limit, and your side of the car takes the main impact

I think unlike the previous two guys, you don't get a hospital goodbye

you are most likely dead on impact

and Kelby's not looking too hot either

I think he passes out in an ambulance and wakes up a few hours later to a few new injuries and the shocking news that you didn't make it

pretty sure everyone can hear his wails from down the hall

He's actually basically crying off an on for the next few years

he spends time with family

time with friends

looks at pictures

reads old texts

cries and cries and cries

he goes to therapy and goes through the moitons

but no matter what he can't fight this new hole he feels

the one where all his love for you went

I think he actually becomes an advocate for safe driving

and joins a lot of support groups

He actually helps a lot of people work through their pain

and that helps him work through his

the sad truth about this kind of thing is that it really is a mundane tragedy

that feels like an oxymoron but this sudden heartbreak happens everyday

but through the proper channels, Kelby has found ways to cope

though every now and then the loneliness does get him

how can it not

but if he can't spend the rest of his life with you

then he'll dedicate the rest of it in your memory

and help others do the same

also he keeps your picture by his bedside and talks to it frequently

telling you good morning and good night and such

He never stops missing you

Eli

I feel like with Eli, it really is something outlandish

Like he convinced you to go romantically dancing in the rain and you got struck by lightening

and to other people he laughs it off

'ain't life a bitch, at least they went out in a blaze of glory, they always were electrifying,' etc etc etc

but the truth of the matter is he's deeply and unbelievably upset about this

at his core, he's inconsolable

and he probably jokes about that too

'haha I'm dead inside actually! :)'

he has started seeing a therapist

he's got a lot to unpack

also I know there's not super explicit alcohol mentions in the game

but we know Eli is a party boy

and he's def developed a drinking problem over this

he doesn't know how to handle his feelings so he stays out all night partying like he would do with you

tearing shit up and drinking his feelings away

all so he can stumble home alone and pass out immediately so he doesn't have to contemplate how utterly empty and pointless his big fancy apartment feels

or how empty and pointless he feels

he's also dabbled in some drugs but he's trying to be real careful about that since he doesn't wanna wake up in an alley way (at least not cause of drugs-- he might a few times over booze though)

I think there was a time Eli had a lot of self hatred growing up followed by full self acceptance and self celebration

but he doesn't feel like celebration himself right now

he's pretty sure you'd be disguised with what he's become in your absence

hence the going to therapy

he hasn't found the right therapist just yet but he's going to keep trying

he liked the good things about himself, he liked the good things about you, and all the good things you saw in him, even the stuff he didn't always see as good himself

he wants to like himself again

the way he did when he had you loving him

he truly felt the happiest with you around

but now

he lives in the club

and drinks till dawn

he wakes up in a haze

feeling sick as shit

slowly gets himself together-ish

and ends up wondering what his life has become without you

has a coffee

and a headache

reads some poetry or listens to a song that reminds him of you

ulgy cries for a bit until his headache is worse

calms down enough to eat (well, less calm and more too burnt out)

rinse, repeat.

He doesn't plan to do this forever

he doesn't want to do this forever

someday he's gonna find a way to be happy again without you

though nothing will ever compare to the great love of his life that surprised him out of nowhere

Anon

okay here me out this might be a little too real BUT

bitch I think he got swatted

he messed around with the wrong dude and he got swatted

it got messy

you were there when it happened

he is pressing SO MANY CHARGES

he is a wreck

there's a movement online to try and help and support him through this trying time but honestly

he sees very little of it

he's sort of logged off for a while

actually a long while

he moved houses cause he was just too scared and traumatized

he couldn't stay in the house he watched you get shot in

he's going to so much therapy but it's not helping much

well, it is actually

just not in ways he's seeing or feeling

normally he'd get his revenge asap but like

that sort of thing is what got him into this mess

he is still taking all the legal action he can though

got the best lawyers on his side

SOMEONE is going to jail hell or high water

but it doesn't help fill the hole

he spends a lot of time lying in silence

or going outside

or staring at a blank screen that isn't turned on

he's actually not sure he'll ever get out of this whole

he looks at his phone from time to time but only to look at pictures of you

it's not connected to the internet or anything

eventually he finally feels up to trying to be online for an afternoon

maybe check his socials a bit and play a game

that's when he finally sees the out pour of condolences people have left for him

it actually makes him feel better

you know that bit in that lil nas song 'strangers make you feel so loved, ya know?'

that's him right now

he will never get over this

not even a little bit

and I think he's done using his powers to fuck around

I think eventually he will get to something resembling his old self but

you're still his desktop background

and he's never not going to feel that void you left

or the crushing guilt that flows

Garret

oh man

what to do with Garret

GEEZ uhhhh

I think with Garret, he just wakes up one morning with you in his arms and you're pale and unmoving

I think for him we're gonna say brain aneurysm

you just had one in your sleep overnight and there was nothing anyone could do

he was a panicking sobbing mess the whole time he waited for emergency services with you in his arms

and he wasn't much better while riding in the ambulance with you (he refused to leave your side)

you were barely breathing the whole ride and stopped breathing before you even made it to the hospital

despite the fact that literally none of this was his fault and absolutely there was nothing anyone could do he still blames himself

you died in his arms

he should've been able to do something

I think after a few years of group therapy he finally manages to get back to something like his old self

but he still breaks down in a sobbing wreck every now and then over this all

and he misses you every day

I think he constantly goes back and forth on whether to get rid of the bed you two shared on the night you died

on the one hand you died in that bed (sort of)

but on the other that's the last place you were together

either way he still hasn't gotten rid of it

and he has a locket with your picture in it that he never takes off

Dmitri

I'm running out of way for you to die guys

I think let's go with you were visiting him at the coffee shop and one of the espresso machines exploded, injuring 3 and killing 1 (that's you) (.....shut up I'm trying)

a coffee bean was launched right into your heart

so tragic

he like all the others go into a depressive state but he does very melo-drama about it

lots of tears and wilted roses and sobbing while draped across a sofa holding a framed photo of you

love poems, robe, tissues, ice cream, empty bottles of wine

his sister comes to visit him every day but it doesn't help

I honestly think he never lets this go

he wears this sorrow on his sleeve like a memorium to you

he vows he will never love again and he keeps it

there's a lot of talking to his main framed picture of you (he has a lot) and telling you about his day or his family or how much he misses you

that last bit usually comes up

he's definitely drinking more wine than before

he's not full Eli binging but he definitely gets it down

If he had a ring he was going to propose with (and he probably did let's be real), he wears it now around his neck

a reminder of the happy ending with you he will never get to see

Ichiban

I think this one actually is a prank gone wrong

or at least a video gone wrong

he actually quits his channel for a while out of guilt

he just can't stand running it

he eventually comes back for the fans but it takes like a full year before they hear from him

he spends a lot of time being depressed in the dark

playing games and sometimes talking to himself like he's talking to you

he has a really great therapist that helps him a lot with the guilt and grief

when he does eventually come back, he has a much greater boundary between his online life and his personal life

he also doesn't do stunts/pranks EVER

he actually only updates here and there cause he's putting his focus into more artist projects

the first one is an exploration of grief and how it can change a person

he's got a lot of guests from all over the internet who are here to share their stories of loss that were going on behind the camera

it's very soul bearing all around and it actually is seen as an over all good

it made a lot of people feel seen and less alone

including him

nothing will ever replace you

but he's using his fame now to let people know they aren't alone, so hopefully that's something

William

I think with William you were at the clinic visiting him and something venomous bit you

most likely a snake

you were rushed to the hospital and given anti-venom, but it was too late, the damage was already done

I think he is actually the most functional of all the dudes after the fact

like he's very much Not Okay, but he's trying his best to get through his day

the moment he gets home though he enters into the most mournful slump

he puts a record on and drinks a glass of wine and stares at your picture and just

mourns

he finds himself missing you throughout his day but the second he gets home it's a little all consuming

he's honestly kind of resigned to spending the rest of his life alone mourning you

maybe in a few years from now, he'll try for love again

but he already knows it's not going to be the same

he's always going to feel the weight of your loss on his heart

Myx

I think with Myx it's probably a very sudden yet terminal diease

he puts everything on pause to be with you for as long as he can

he gets about a few months (it's still not enough)

after another few months away from everything spent mourning he finally returns to the stage

he has basically a whole new albums worth of songs

each one of them was him working through his loss and pain

you know those albums you listen to from an artist, and you're just like 'who hurt you???'

yeah, this one is his

except the answer is life

or more specifically death

the amount of times he cries on stage performing some of these songs is unsurprising

a lot of fans send him letters of encouragement and condolences

and flowers

so many flowers

your funeral was actually a sea of flowers

some from friends and family

some from Myx's fans

but honestly mostly from Myx

his next album isn't quite so consumed with grief but honestly-- the subject always comes back up

there's also a few songs for you in there that are really sweet

it's not all tears and heartache

a few happy memories immortalized in song

though a lot of fans and critics consider the ones he wrote during that first year without you some of his most compelling and heartfelt bits of work

and it only cost him everything...

Stirling

Let us pretend my previous post about the reader gaining immortality does not exist

Stirling loses you to time

like so many things before you

and many things after

your loss stings the most though

he stayed with you until the end of your life

loving you every moment he could find

and even making some himself

but he's learned the hard way that all good things must come to an end

and frankly you were the best thing, so your end left the biggest shadow

he misses you every moment of his eternity

so many paintings and portraits of you throughout your years hang in his walls

but none of them ever did do you justice

he's found ways, like this, to surround himself with some version of your presence

though it never fully chases away the loneliness

he embraces the end gracefully

though every so often, when the night is clear and the stars are bright

he can't help but look into the heavens

think of you

and weep

Scale

Scale lost you to an enemy assassin

He doesn't know if they were going for him and just missed

or if they meant to target you just to get at him

but either way he watched in horror as a dart flew into your neck, and you fell to the ground motionless

He never stops blaming himself

He knew he was no good for you and he stuck around anyways

and look where that got you

he spends months hunting down and killing the assassin that did you in

but even bringing justice to your end doesn't make him feel any better

okay, maybe it helps a little, but it's still not enough

he sort of slinks into solitude for several years following your death

he also takes a vow of silence (for some reason--- he won't say why)

he frequently visits your grave and mourns you

he also reads over your old text convos

and he cries

a lot

he kind of lost his heart on that day

and it's truly doubtful he'll ever get it back

not with you gone

Sven

I think this one is another car

I know it's very sudden at the least

he doesn't really know how to process it at all

he's actually in quite the downward spiral for the next few months

going back and forth between trying to remain positive and being a sobbing wreck

bruh, I think your loss kinda broke him

he's seeing like 3 different therapists

they're helping a little

he still sobs uncontrollably at least once a day

honestly, I don't think he ever truly gets back to his old self

he just can't anymore

Cole

heheheheh *CRACKS KNUCKLES*

He's not sure how it happened

all he knows is that he came to on the floor next to you

He was holding you

and there was a lot of blood

you were already cold, your warmth long gone

and his head was spinning

everything was a fog

what had he...

he remembers feeling jealous

and helpless

and angry

he sort of blacked out in a spiral

there's vague flashes

you pinned behind him as

no.

no no no no no no no.

he couldn't have.

he wouldn't have.

h-he didn't mean to.

you can't be.

he staring down at your still body, limp and lifeless in his arms.

all the pieces are coming back together.

it's all coming back to him.

he let's out a nervous laugh as he shakes you gently and says your name.

It all had to be a bad dream.

That was all a dream.

He could never have...

please wake up...

he's so sorry...

please wake up...

...just be a bad dream...

Poe

I think for Mr. Poet we're gonna have to go Byronic on his ass

that's right, it's Consumption baby! Aka tuberculosis!

basically meaning you get real sick

and he's with you every step of the way

staying by your side as your body gives out

documenting ever turn with a new bit of writing or poem

he's never been so prolific

nor so heartbroken

he doesn't share any of the poems about you

He actually might pull a Dickinson and never share them

only to have them found and published after his death

he doesn't know how many pages he filled sitting by your bed side as you slept

he keeps a book of pressed flowers from throughout your decline

flowers he brought you, or ones given by the hospital or friends, a few flowers from your funeral

He probably spends the rest of his life even more listless than before

definitely more heart broken

he moves on in his writing (at least for the stuff he shares publicly)

but he never moves on in his heart

Cashew

I'm unsure how this one happens, but the follow up is the same

I think after a month or so, he tries to go back to his usual life

tries to get up, go to classes, go about his life

but he can't really care anymore

he's just going through the motions

he reads a lot of books where there's a character death to cope

also a lot of romance

and a lot of crying

he's kind of a shut in off and on for about a year

he slowly but surely bounces back

learns to be happy again

be he always knows he would be happier with you

there's a lot of pictures of you and him still floating around

he likes to try and remember you always

even if it hurts, seeing your face still makes him feel a little better

he's also def a member of the talks to your picture a lot squad

one of your pictures is his good luck charm

he got it laminated and uses it as a book mark so you can still kinda 'read with him'

Seth

OH BOY

he thought he wasn't going to care much since he deals with souls all the time

but he truly forgot what this was and now he's pissed

cocky fucker legit forgot that he lives in hell

and that's not where you end up

he doesn't really mourn like the rest of them cause you're not really gone

but he does still miss you

and is trying to tug at every string he can to try and either get himself up there or you down here

it's his new main goal, but it's gonna be a tough one

he keeps trying to trade your soul for others but the folks upstairs ain't buying it

this honestly feels like more of a set up for a rom com manga than anything else lol what is this even doing here IT'S NOT SAD ENOUGH

Logan

oh okay his can get very sad

I think his is going to be learning the hard way that you can't save everyone

and that no matter how hard to plan for something, things can still go wrong

(maybe he should be spider-man...)

but yeah, he was definitely one of the emergency services that responds to yours

he heard your address and got there so fast

but it wasn't fast enough

this loss legit takes him the majority of his life to get over

he was honestly planning to spend the rest of his life with you and that future went up in smoke

he goes to a lot of therapy, both group and one on one

and it helps

but not by much

he's definitely a different person after this all

a little less cheerful, a lot more serious

and hard to believe it but a little better at his job

he went from eye wide newbie with a hero complex to grizzled vet who knows how bad it can really get

and hey look another member of the pictures of you everywhere and he also talks to them squad

keeps a picture of you in the pocket of his fire jacket, near his chest

I mean, he already did that but now it hits different

also wears the ring he had gotten for you around his neck

(though not while working, fire fighters tend to not wear jewelry on the job cause metal hot)

lots of tears

lots of cuddle puddles with the rescue animals

occasionally names one after you

you were the love of his life

still are

Reece

Reece's is definitely a wacky space adventure gone wrong

he's shaken by the loss of you

I don't know how it happened but I know it was very sudden

spends a while in his ship just staring into the middle distance

he can't believe your gone

he spends a lot of time traveling around licking his wounds

also marshaling his forces to go face down whatever entity took you from this universe

tried to go back and save you but it always ends the same

after his last attempt he actually goes back in time to before you two even met and watches you from a distance

you look so happy, you have no idea what's about to happen to your life

he doesn't regret meeting you but he wonders often if things would've been better for YOU if he hadn't

flies solo for a few centuries

every now and then stops by and visits you in a time where you two still hadn't met

admittedly he's stalking you a bit but just in small bursts

it hurts a lot, but it also makes him feel better

try as he might, there's just some things he can never change

and the closer to home it hits, the more it hurts

Aki

WHOO BOY another immortal/semi-immortal character!

I think for all the fox boys we're going to just have you go of natural causes, no immortality for you

it's both hard for him to be sad about this and equally as impossible to not be devastated

on the one hand, you two had a beautiful life together

and having you in each others lives made them so full

but Aki's learning for the first time that part of being a kistune is seeing all good things end while you have to keep going

honestly I think all Kistune to some degree are like Aki, then Haru, then Fuyu as time goes on

like they all start to some degree young and wild and mischievous, then eventually calm a bit more and chill as they mature, and then being a live for so long matures them to such a level they're almost un-reacting cause they've seen it all

everyone's a little different but it's always roughly the same path

and this is Aki's first

you're Aki's first

his first everything

his first great love

his first great life mate

his first great loss

like all kistune before him, this is an aging mark

he's going to be a different person on the other side of this

he's still going to be Aki, just a different version of Aki

one that knows what it means to hurt on this level

he takes about a century to get over it--- well as over it as he's ever gonna get

he may one day have another mate or take another lover

but it will never be like how it was with you

I'm actually not sure if he ever pairs off with someone else for good (I'm honestly not sure any of them do)

and no matter how much time and experience changes him

or how many years pass

he still thinks back on his time with you often and gets all warm again

Haru

SO!

Natural causes, no immortality for you, you just get old and die

so they way I was talking with Aki and how all kistune probably have a similar life path as they age visa vee experiences and firsts

Haru actually is the way he is cause he was trying to AVOID that at all costs

he ran through life trying his damnest to not let anyone get too close cause he doesn't wanna deal

ESPECIALLY humans

sad, pathetic, emotional, short lived little humans

but then you actually managed to break through

and he kind of like--- got it then

like he gets it now

he understands how a connection can be worth the risk of pain

though I will say he does start the relationship fully in denial about the inevitable

he doesn't want to talk about loss, he doesn't want to think of you dying, he doesn't want to have to figure out what a world without you would be like

I think the biggest slap to the face Haru has ever gotten is when he gave you one of his 'I'm gonna spend the rest of my life pleasing you' and you kinda gently threw out 'well.... the rest of MY life anyway...'

I think hearing it from you made him actually like--- hear it ya know???

he generally doesn't loose his cool much but he def looses it then

or anytime someone brings up that you're mortal

I think all of the kitsune do at some point try and find a way to make you immortal but with Haru it's low key a thing he never gave up on

he's not always actively searching, but he's searching on the down low

weirdly I think the person that helps him cope the most with your death is you

YOU knew what you were getting into

and you're not afraid to talk about it with him

especially cause he has a hard time staying mad at you so you can kinda say whatever

he takes a lot of solace in the fact that he made your life very happy

and he enjoys the fuck out of every moment you two have together

he tries so hard not to dwell on it

but once it actually comes and is in front of him

he has a hard time processing

he's not good at processing big feelings okay

I think he might become a drunk for a while

just a grumpy depressed drunk

he actually goes back and forth between a picture of you being the last thing he wants to see and the only thing he wants to see

he's another person whose going to come out different on the other side of the loss

I think he tried at one point to take another lover but he ended up getting upset, and kicked them out before anything could happen cause he just wanted you

and now he's alone and drunk and crying, look what you've done to him

ngl I think he becomes that like--- emotionally wounded, grizzled, often drunk samurai type (like Yasuo back at the star of his story)

he went from fuck boy to lover boy to grumpy older dude whose a little stand off-ish but honestly he's actually very sweet he just has a lot of pain to work through

also even though your face is sometimes the last thing he wants to see (partly cause he's ashamed at what a wreck he's become without you), he still keeps a picture of you near his heart

Fuyu

I'm so tempted to have your end be violent with Fuyu cause he's mr. war crimes but honestly

I think growing to trust again and learning the lesson that violence was never the answer is not only Fuyu's character arch, but low key all of the kistune boys character archs????

but yeah, so no, despite my temptations

natural causes, old age, no immortality for you

so Fuyu is no stranger to death or loss

and he has seen people he cared about die (fandom headcanons, one of them WAS Natsu and I am behind the idea that he didn't wanna do it)

but you just hit differently

he truly never met anyone like you

nor has he loved anyone as deeply

nor will he again for that matter

he tries his best to mourn your death with grace

but behind closed doors he's a sobbing wreck

I think the full time line of Fuyu at least for the parts that we see him are as follows

Angy, deep down Very Sad and Lonely, Uptight, RAWR -> Learns to chill and love and repent and be more open and is just generally still kinda stuffy and stiff but a lot more warm and happy -> still not the monster he once allowed himself to become, still a bit stuffy but also still chill, very solemn, very sad

so he didn't loose his gentleness that his time with you taught him

but he did get back his sad and lonely

He thinks about you everyday

and talks to your spirit in his moments alone

( not actually your--- you're not a ghost, making that clear--- more your memory)

you honestly made him a much better dude

and your company lead to him being able to open himself to more people

but none of them are you

and they never can be

he still writes you poetry

[tulip-room]

dying to see you- t. kuroo

prologue || Knock Knock

words: 1k

masterlist || all hq works || next

"The stars are a home I long for and never reached."

“I wonder what the stars look like.” The stars are as they appear most nights, almost the same position they were in yesterday. The Earth slowly rotates on one point. An axis from which everything is started. The stars don’t change as often as people do. The brain lives for seven minutes after death. Kuroo couldn’t think of anything from the second he realized he was falling. He briefly wonders if he is rotating. If that is why all he can see are stars. Wonders where his axis point is, what really started his fall.

He couldn’t see anything but the stars. He could faintly recall a time when the stars were his home. His place to hide away from the happenings of his life; to hide from his parents. To hide from their yells that bounced off the walls. How they made homes in the divots of the wooden stairs. Infested the wood like termites, slowly eating away at the foundation. The stars would remember his first words, his first steps. The stars would also remember his last words. All of his words found homes etched into stardust. In the last seven minutes he had Kuroo thought only of the stars and what is beyond them. If he would soon be beyond them.

His last words to the universe as he remembers them. “I want to go home.” He’s unsure of what home he’s referring to. His house that radiated anger, that seemed to swallow him whole and infest him with the same anger it held. Or the home he made in the stars, in their constellations he found comfort. How clusters of stars were formed together. Together they would stay until someone decided to make new lines and new constellations. The stars connected themselves together with invisible lines drawn by those who see them. Who was connected to him? Who was the star at the other end of his line?

The headlines the next day said nothing of him. While his brain survived seven minutes, he was barely alive before he died. His death was overshadowed by who the next pageant queen was. 

The yells could be felt through the house. They were in every wall and carpet stain. Behind every perfect photo smile from the crooked pictures on the wall. No matter how much time you spent trying to straighten out the photos they were always off kilter. Never quite selling their image of perfection as they should’ve. 

She found solace in the stars. The stars were her home, where she couldn’t feel the yells. She assumed they would lose their touch— the words she heard screams from stairs as plates shattered, start feeling cold and numb. Stop caring about having to eat dinner on paper plates as the ceramic ones were no longer used for eating. She was wrong. Even after years of feeling the yelling they still made her burn.

Burn with anger? Sadness? She couldn’t describe the feeling other than the burning. A closing up of her throat. An unheard plea of stop. A child wanting her parents to love each other again. 

She isn’t self-important enough to think of herself as a star. She doesn’t have a reason for burning. She’s a weed in the garden that started the fire from being too dry. A bush fire started by something people used to think of as a flower. In her rickety tree house there was a hole in the ceiling, it made the floor flood so much that sometimes she would imagine she was out at sea. Maybe if she was out of sea she wouldn’t be used as fuel for a fire.

Perhaps she was going crazy. One minute she was alone in her rickety tree house and the next there’s a man stepping through the wall. See as he seems to make the place his home, he walks with purpose. His eyes looked the place up and down. And then he spots her. Sitting on the floor her back squeezed into the corner. Arms crossed, and head resting against her arms. He smiles as he makes his way over to her desk. She notes how the floorboards don’t groan as he walks across them.

Out of the corner of her eye she can see him moving her notebook towards the edge of the table and laughing to himself as he does so. “Oh yeah, she’s gonna be so freaked out.” Was that his goal? To freak her out? What an odd friend she created. 

The notebook fell to the ground and she couldn’t help the laugh that slipped past her lips. “Laughing…? Not the reaction I expected but I’ll take it.” Her hand raises up to cover her mouth as he crouches down and looks at her. His head tilts and his eyes trace over the dips and bumps of her face. 

“Paint a picture if you’re going to stare that intently at me,” she rolls her eyes as he jumps back. A smile breaks out over his face and he is suddenly in front of her. 

“You can see me?” 

“Yeah…” she trails off and looks at him in confusion as she begins to stand up from the creaky floor. She feels it bend under her weight, can feel the tree shift in the wind. Maybe there was a shift in her too. “I’m just hiding with the stars.” 

“Can I join you?” 

“What am I going to do? Stop you?” She scoffs and walks to the curtain on the right side of the tree house. The bar wasn’t put on straight so it slants to the left, her father promised he would fix it. Just another empty word. Promise.

“I used to look at the stars.” “Stop talking,” she says bluntly as she leans against the doorframe. This was okay, she supposed. There were worse things her brain could conjure up as an escape. He wasn’t so bad. For now at least. The rest of the night she found herself forgetting how the screams felt. Not feeling burning or numbness. Content she may call it. She only thought of what the stars look like.

a/n: so we got my completely silly Halloween adjacent fic...now we have this lol. a shoutout to hq brainrotters and Sav, they are the reason this idea exists. I thought about scrapping it, so if you like it thank them lol.

taglist: @akaakeis @hiraethwa @nectardaddy @wyrcan [open, send an ask to be added or removed <3]

if you enjoyed, please consider leaving a like, comment, rb, or sending me an ask <3 I love interacting with you guys <3

[kakashi-miso]

Ash Camellia (ANGST Fanfiction)

Preface

When talking about the Naruto anime, many argue that it is a “fighting anime”, and most of these people are right, because this is part of the genre in which this work consists. However, many began to forget what the series and pages of the manga about the Jinchuriki boy taught us all this time: connections with loved ones are the most important thing we have, and we must value them, protecting them from a possible break. People close to us give us smiles, help us in difficult times, and in general - their presence nurtures the soul. Whenever we worry about someone, we don’t do it with the goal of burdening ourselves or simply suffering. We fear that our valuable connection with this loved one will be severed. When a person quarrels with someone, he is certainly in pain and sad, but at least his now “stranger” is alive, and the fact that he is angry with you may turn out to be temporary. When someone close to us dies, we are lost, because, in our opinion, it was too quickly and unfair, because your strong connection was destroyed against each other's wishes.

In times like these, people around you help you cope with the devastation of a loss. Although you know for sure that the grief of your loss will never let you go, you still smile at those who worry about you, because at such a time you understand: “They care about me.” Both that thing and that one are painful. An example is the case between Naruto and Sasuke: Uzumaki chased the Uchiha for several years in a row, in the hope of maintaining the connection that they had built between themselves. After taking the situation from Sasuke:He was left alone against the will of himself and his parents, and considers it unfair, but finding that there is a chance to release his pain and suffering on the culprit, he decides to take revenge on Itachi for his act. In both cases, the boys' connections were negatively impacted. They both suffered from being afraid or had already lost touch with someone who meant a lot to them.

This fanfic is the fruit of my ideas and ideas. I, like many of you, really enjoy dramatic moments, especially in anime. Finding more and more new ideas and ideas, I presented them, sometimes illustrated them, and in the end, after a certain number of “roll plays”, I realized that all these stories share the same theme: Connection, and supporting each other. "The hole in your heart is something that other people can fill…" - Kakashi Hatake

Prologue

Almost a day. The sun had risen for quite some time: the birds were singing; The foliage of trees and bushes developed in a light breeze. And in the country of hot springs it was quite quiet. So much so that the rustling of trees and the fluttering of birds’ wings could be heard even from the living room, which had 3 futons (a futon is a traditional Japanese bedding in the form of a thick cotton mattress spread out at night for sleeping), two of them were made, and the third was still was still busy.

The calm face of the lying man was illuminated by the rays of the sun setting from the exit into the small garden. A long and heavy sigh sounded in the room, which permeated a whole palette of shades of fatigue and drowsiness. The eyelids of the lying person remained heavy, and it seemed that the body did not want to get up at all, not to mention the fact that the arms and legs ached as if a whole crowd of elephants had trampled on them, no less. The noise of the hinged door on the right. The pair of coal pupils that were directed towards the garden slowly floated to the right, staring at the source of the sound, and did not show the slightest sense of surprise. The silhouette in a robe approached, modest and seemingly fragile, and squatted down next to the futon. From above came the voice of a girl who had already been awake for a long time, because she got up at 8 in the morning, like another guest. Now it was almost 12:00 on the clock.

-How long will you stay here for a long time? Kakashi-sama, are you feeling unwell? – asked a girl with unruly and slightly curly black hair like a raven’s feathers. -Not at all. It's like I've been lying here for a long time. – Kakashi sat down, finally brushing off the blanket, and gave himself a couple more minutes to come to, stroking his face with his hands, and fighting the dizziness that was visible only from the paleness of his skin. A quiet cough broke through the silence, as if he was choking or his throat was dry.

-You’ve been lying here for almost 4 hours, by the way, and it’s already lunch time, but you still haven’t had breakfast. Guy-san is already bored, although he is trying to tell some stories for me. “The woman sitting next to me objected and crossed her arms over her chest, as if condemning the ash-haired man for his inattention and procrastination. -4 hours? Is it true? I didn't even notice, haha! How absent-minded I am,” Hatake laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head, making an embarrassed expression on his face. Afterwards, he quickly changed his emotion to a relaxed and friendly one - Thank you for reminding me, Mirai, I’m on my way. Wait for me in the room with Guy.

-Great. By the way, what will you eat? Otherwise, you will lose even more weight than you are now.” A light smile came across the face of Sarutobi, who now stood up and put her hands on her hips, preparing to carry out the order of the Sixth Hokage, even if he was retired. It was a great honor for her. Moreover, this was an S-rank mission, to which she was assigned by Mr. Seventh Hokage himself. Closing her eyes, languishing in her anticipation, she listened to the incoming answer.

-A? No thanks, Mirai. I am not hungry. But I would be extremely grateful if you ordered me chamomile tea without sugar. And what about being thin – it’s just a matter of age, don’t worry, I’m fine. Now go, I will come to you soon. The girl’s face began to look puzzled, which was revealed by her eyebrows, and an awkward “What?” came out of her mouth. Her ruby ​​eyes stared at the man sitting, but she did not wait long for the request to be repeated, and instead decided to think it over carefully on the way over tea.

Mirai's footsteps were already in the corridor. The gears were humming in her head, and it was all too strange: Loss of weight, pallor, loss of appetite, and what’s more, now he didn’t even really get out of bed. Was he really that lazy? Then where does the loss of appetite come from? With creaking boards under her feet, she approached the modest common dining room, where she was going to ask for chamomile tea. It was already a little noisy there, because the people sitting at the table were talking, which made it difficult for the walking girl to think. Fortunately, Kakashi made sure that the three of them ate separately from everyone else, which was his privilege as a special guest, so that their meals took place only in their special social circle. Chamomile tea, by the way, had many properties, and almost no one knew about some of them. But Mirai knew, who was told about it by her mother. Chamomile tea has sedative and hypnotic properties, and sometimes relieves pain from tension, but in addition, chamomile tea could alleviate the feeling of nausea. Naturally, Hatake might just want to drink this tea, because… He likes him, but given the suspicious details that the girl noticed earlier, this did not at all fit with the “usual desire to drink tea.”

Kakashi was known to everyone for his calmness, so he definitely wouldn’t drink tea to calm down. Then other functions of this tea come to mind, such as reducing the feeling of nausea, and they were already annoying the lady, at the moment, approaching the cook and asking for a cup of chamomile tea without sugar. By the way, the lack of sugar in tea could also indicate a possible stomach upset. Is he lying to her? The blatant lie “Everything is fine” angered the young kunoichi a little. She was determined to find out the truth, because she was assigned to this important mission of “Escort and protect the Sixth Hokage and his friend,” and in Sarutobi’s opinion, she was simply obliged to intervene in order to report on the condition of those being escorted.

Thanking her for the tea with a short bow, her confident step clattered on the boards, surely and quickly, closing the distance between her and the room in which Guy was waiting for her at a tea table and a couple of servings of onigiri. Behind the hinged door one could already hear the ringing voice of a disabled man who was amusing himself with some joke on the part of the ash-haired man who had arrived. Mirai pulled back the hinged door and walked towards the table, meeting the gaze of Kakashi, who gave her a warm smile. Guy exhaled, suppressing his laughter. The girl put the tea on the table, closer to Kakashi, who was sitting opposite the kunoichi.

He nodded gratefully to her for this, and began to drink a hot drink through his mask, which sometimes looked strange from the outside, but it seems that these two were already accustomed to this. His satisfied voice muttered in an even tone:

-Mmm… Thank you very much, this is the best thing this morning -Did you mean to say "this afternoon"? – Mirai corrected him, causing an energetic reaction from Guy

-Ha ha ha! Yes, Kakashi is a real lazy person. Sometimes it’s impossible to get him out of bed, and lately there’s no need to even try - Thick-browed stretched out a wide smile, revealing all 36 of his teeth, which shone no worse than a diamond. “You need to be able to be lazy so that you don’t get bored,” Kakashi muttered in response to Might, drinking tea again. Once again Six made his friend burst into laughter.

The chunin's eyebrows furrowed, full of suspicion. Lazyness? Of course, she has heard a lot about his absent-mindedness, but in the words of Shikamaru: “How tired I am of him… His sudden escapes into the thicket of the forest for walks irritate me a little. But he says that he can no longer sit still… What a hassle! This phrase accurately emphasized that Kakashi was far from being one of those who liked to remain in one position for a long time. She answers the question: -Are you feeling unwell?

-What? Where did you get the idea? – Kakashi raised a puzzled glance at the two rubies in the girl’s eyes and began to wait for an explanation for such a harsh statement. Guy also didn’t understand what happened, but he wasn’t going to interfere.

-Well… Your pale face, too much rest in bed, a slight cough and in the end - Sarutobi's finger went to the chamomile tea - Nausea.

-What? Nausea? I have always been pale, and it is absolutely true that I am lazy. Cough? I don’t know, but I think I just caught a cold, my health is no longer the same. - The ash-haired man’s face took on a more carefree expression, and his eyebrows shot up, as if this was something completely normal for him. -You have already given up your second meal. You have no appetite. Are you sure it's a cold? -Hmmm… I'm telling you: I probably just had a cold. Mirai, I'll handle it, don't worry. – In response, Kakashi received a suspicious look from the kunoichi. There was definitely something wrong with her opinion. This is all very strange. -What about nausea? – The attendant’s eyebrow arched in puzzlement.

-What makes you think I'm sick? I have no appetite due to a cold. -Chamomile tea not only soothes, but also eliminates the feeling of nausea and heaviness in the stomach, and considering that you have already refused two meals, this becomes suspicious.

The glances crossed each other. Mask visibly tensed. His gaze stared at the woman sitting opposite him, and he thought about how to explain all this to him. The silence was diluted by a quiet and modest cough into a fist held to the side. Having regained his calm and stoic face, he turned to his interlocutor: -The other day I wanted to eat fish, but it was not the freshest. Without calculating the capabilities of my body, I did not pay attention to it. Apparently, in my old age, my stomach has become a little more susceptible to spoiled foods.

-I will never in my life believe that you, known as a witty ninja, will not be able to adequately calculate your capabilities. “The girl’s gaze became even rougher, she dug her fingers into the table, and her lips compressed into a crooked thread. In response to such an argument, Kakashi fell silent again, and then again began to stand his ground. -It is impossible to be witty everywhere and always. I'm fine, what are you doing? Yes, sometimes I’m absent-minded, you know… If something happens, I’ll tell you about it. “He tiredly rocked back and pointed his nose toward the ceiling, thinking about something.

-Don’t try to lie to me, I’m responsible for your health! And when will you tell me about this? When will you die?! – Mirai stated, already starting to rest her hands on the table, her hair moving. The bad feeling in the girl’s heart was like a storm, and it became stronger every second. Having passed through his thoughts the scolding for Assuma's insight, which he had bestowed on his daughter, Kakashi drank his tea again, closing his eyes. Curly continued - Your weight has dropped at an unhealthy rate recently, and this cannot be explained by age! Too little time has passed to lose weight like this, and considering that you only had a “little cold”, you shouldn’t have lost so much weight. Are you lying so that I don’t worry about you?! Because of your distrust, I am now three times more worried!

Enough. – The Sixth Hokage answered and put a cup of tea on the table with a serious look that rose to Sarutobi. The girl shuddered at such a serious tone. The ever-carefree and pretty Kakashi, as she had seen him in recent days, showed his strict nature, which she really did not expect. The voice of the retired Hokage continued his monotone speech: – Mirai, listen, since the beginning of our mission you have been experiencing too much stress about any situation. Don't exaggerate. I just had a cold, and I’ve always been thin. Guy won't let me lie about this. Let me remind you that you mistook two old men for murderers when we went to the land of steam, so calm down and just enjoy your vacation. – Hatake turned to his faithful rival, waiting for his confirmation of what was happening.

-Mirai, it's true. For as long as I've known Kakashi, he almost always refused treats or a full meal, and he always had this type of physique. – Said the disabled person, slightly puzzled by what was happening. Despite all his noisiness and brightness, he had no desire to prevent them from resolving the conflict. A wave of guilt, burning every atom of the body, penetrated the girl’s body. She was a little taken aback, because the words about her paranoia were true: she really was constantly on guard, and apparently her constant suspicions went beyond understanding. Her cheeks turned red with shame. The girl sat down and pursed her lips: “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I yelled.” I was too rude, sorry. – The gaze of two scarlet eyes was directed under the table. She sat down and sighed, relieving the tension throughout her body and the boil that arose from the feeling of a blatant lie on the part of the elderly shinobi.

-Everything is fine. Just try not to fill your head with such things. Relax. If anything happens so serious, I will definitely tell you about it. But as you can see, everything is under control. - Said a calm tone of voice, and now Guy relaxed along with his friend, seeing that his argument had been resolved, and he was not angry at all. Might sighed, a little sad that Mirai was living under constant stress due to the extreme importance of this mission.

Of course, Kakashi had to operate with her character traits. In his opinion it was better this way. In any case, perhaps this really was a good decision, and besides, they left the ash-haired man behind with questions about his health. As soon as the conflict was settled, Guy, with particular appetite, began to eat his portion, which was standing there even before the tea was brought. As did Mirai's portion, which she began to reluctantly eat, suppressing feelings of shame and guilt for yelling at the former Hokage.

Author's comment: Phew… Finally. It took me a long time to translate because… You won't get much at once. It was difficult. I'm really looking forward to hearing from you about this! I'm interested in your impressions

[heremob]

Finally bringing one of my oc's backstory to the light! >:D this time, it's Bloody, or better, Bloodyoung.

Long ago, there was a young writer, well, a reporter, - Bloodyoung. curious about everything they would write the best columns in their city. Once, a new opportunity came to their path, they would start living in the new founded town, when they arrived at the train station, they already started their work, Their first job was to catalog the small town as a whole, the houses, the food, the culture, even the local wildlife, and forests, they had a fun time, but what caught their eye was definitely the trees, the name is happy tree town right? Writing more about those beautiful trees is a must! They wanted to explore the forests

It was a fun day, the food was very sweet, the locals were welcoming, but one thing stood out, the trees.

The locals told Bloodyoung to not go near the deep of the forest, or they would get lost forever, but they were so curious about everything, so excited, ignoring the warning, Bloodyoung went to the deep forest, just to “see more of the town's beauties closely” Bloodyoung spent the whole time appreciating the natural grace of every flower, every mushrooms and every tree they came across just kinda sad to not see any of the animals there.

they heard a noise, coming from the bushes, maybe the local animals? They need to see! When they came close, It was a animal, not any animal, a lovely wolf, a very angry lovely wolf, definitely not good material for the newspaper, how queer to see a wolf without a pack… crack, a sound was made, that was Bloodyoung, they accidentally stepped on a stick, the wolf heard….crack, those were their bones.

Bloodyoung felt their warm blood slowly become cold when It touched the ground, they felt their flesh being ripped apart by teeth, so this is death? That's why they told me I wouldn't come back? Because of the Wolves? It hurts so much, I can still feel their claws crushing my organs.

Bloodyoung slowly felt the life flowing out of their hands, i can't move anymore, they closed their eyes, that's It then…

The fast sound of their heart woke them up again, hah, what happened anyways? But that sound was comforting somehow, what did they come here for? Oh yes! The trees! They must catalog the town’s beauties!

Bloodyoung died, again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again and again.

Everytime Bloodyoung died, they forgot a part of the past.

“What year is It?” “How old am i?” “who am i?” “What's my name?” “where am i?” “What am i?”

They don't remember anymore, they are lonely, that's funny even, a hyena without company hahaha.

everytime they die, It doesn't feel like It anymore, dying almost become as normal as blinking.

Bloody can’t associate anything anymore, they just need to eat, stay alive, don't die, don't die, don't die, don't die.

They need to hunt, but for that they need to kill, they will kill, kill with care and love, to hear your heart pounding, to hear their heart pounding, to remember the feeling of being alive, to feel comforted by another alive being, and never be alone anymore.

[hoursofreading]

Last week G found a parakeet - blue blue - crumpled but alive outside his workplace. Someone had dumped it when they moved out of their apartment. This is selfish and sad, but the truly sad thing was that G’s co-workers said oh yes, it’s been there for over a week. The bird had been there, hunkered under a bush by the door, for eight days and no one had done anything about it. G called a bird rescue. He texted me his frustration with the state of humanity, his co-workers in particular. The bird rescue coached him through the capture of the bird: throw a towel over it, yes that shirt will do, then cup it in hand beginning from above, with a gentleness. The poor thing couldn’t lift its head when he spoke to it, but rolled its eye. Under the towel, the bird backed into the warmth of his chest. Can I have it? I texted and he shot back are you serious? And why not bring it home, let her live in my office? She had become she, not “it”; even if I was wrong and he was a he, it was now personal, a bird hood. We could sing together in the mornings and she could help me survive the winter. Why not? We waited. The man from the bird rescue told us she died in the night. I had not once prior to this thought I ought to have a bird. I had no reason to think so. I had reason not to think so: I am a dog person; within the strict limitations in which I am able to care for anything, it must provide cuddles and deep brown eyes and follow me around. After we discussed adopting the bird and she died, we wondered if we were so moved by the parakeet’s peril should we not, perhaps, do what we can, even if we could not save this one bird? The rescue place leaned into this and sent us dozens of pictures and profiles of adoptable birds. This horrible tensioning: one cannot save all the birds, so what should one do in this human life? But perhaps we should not be concerned about the birds: there are sad humans to consider. And oceans. And neighborhoods. And trees. But perhaps, perhaps if we can save one bird and do not choose to save her, we are bad people? Ultimately, we didn’t adopt anything. The truth, flittering under these 48 hours of birdy google searches and strange conversations we’d never felt a need to have before, was that both of us were touched to the quick by the greed and selfishness and indifference of people, in lived actual ways that brought up questions about our current circumstances. And the poor parakeet, dead now, perhaps in a handkerchief, a shoebox, a Kleenex, was merely a catalyst. A symbol. A sign. I want to love, I said. Let’s go eat, he said, which is often how we love. And we were all soft and whispery as we chewed and passed the condiments. Something was there that hadn’t been there. Something cathartic - I want the adjective for something that has been cathartasized - oozed in the air. That’s one effect of catharsis: a soporific ooziness.

[hellparkri]

Wendy

Two years later...

-Thanks for the help, Stan. I have to go now; it's getting pretty dark- said the girl in pink. Her name was Wendy Testaburger. She was saying goodbye to her best friend after working together on a school project.

-Thanks to you, Wen. By the way, the guys and I are planning a small party. Kyle and Kenny will be there. So, I don't know if you want to come- said Stan nonchalantly.

-Oh, Stan, it sounds nice, but knowing your parties, they probably end up with a goat on the roof and banana peels all over the floor. You almost killed me with those peels!- Wendy joked.

-Oh Wendy! My dearest friend! A banana peel would never hurt anyone. Besides, you'd have to have the intelligence of a towel to die slipping on a simple banana peel. I challenge you to tell me a case of someone who has...-

However, Wendy interrupted him and said:

-Stan... You know very well that I like you, I value you, and I care a lot about you, but... I think you should seriously consider eating other things besides bananas, or at least clean up all the peels you leave when you eat them- Wendy said in a carefree and mocking tone, but deep down she wished her friend were a little more... "organized." For God's sake, it was a miracle no one had died yet from Stan's nonsense!

-I'll do it the day you stop fighting with Cartman- Stan replied.

-Oh, well- she looked at Stan pretending to be sad. -Just promise me that now you will lock the door and everything will be fine. But I suppose I'll never live long enough to see your bed made properly.-sighed the black-haired girl. She wished Stan would stop being so distracted and disorganized. He had even forgotten what day his own birthday was! -Well...- Wendy said while looking at her watch- it was already seven in the evening. If she continued talking with Stan, it would get even later. It was better to hurry and get home soon.

-Is something wrong?- Stan saw how his friend looked at her watch with concern.

-Yes, look, don't tell anyone. Do you remember my friend Red, right?-

-Uh huh,- replied Stan without seeming to pay much attention. "He really needed to sleep" said Wendy in her mind as she looked at his friend.

-Well, I have a very close friend, Red McArthur. I don't know if you know her,- Wendy replied.

-Yes, yes, the redhead who sits with you,- replied Stan, now paying a little more attention to what his friend was saying.

-Well, her anniversary with Kevin is in a few days, so she, her sister Esther, and I are planning to make her a nice gift. I'll be in charge of buying the ingredients for a cake we're making for her. But well,-Wendy shrugged and gently scratched her neck, embarrassed. -I was supposed to buy them today, but I got a little too distracted and look at the time, I have to go now.-

-Oh, don't worry, Wendy. You know, I think you should start considering going back to...-

-Oh, well, goodbye Stan! Take care!-

The girl said goodbye to the black-haired boy and started walking back home. The path was quite wet due to the rainy season they were in. Wendy had taken a narrow path surrounded by trees and bushes bathed in absolute darkness. The only sound Wendy could hear was the noise of her shoes hitting the small puddles of water all over the street. The sky was completely dark, not even the stars were visible, only a large and long black blanket with the faint illumination of the moon visible in the sky. Wendy shrugged and kept walking, now a little regretful for not having asked for at least a small ride from her friend. Then she felt a peculiar tingling in her right pocket: it was her phone. Wendy took out her phone and looked at the screen; she had a few messages from her friend Red McArthur.

-What does she want now?-

Wendy was about to read those messages when she heard something quickly move through the bushes. The black-haired girl turned around, surprised, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. That sound seemed to have disappeared into the darkness of the forest. Whatever it was, it was no longer near Wendy. Maybe it was a wild animal! Or Cartman! The black-haired girl looked at where the sound came from: it was a long chain of bushes leading into the dark forest. Wendy walked towards the bushes with curiosity. The night made everything harder to see. The girl looked at the forest for a few seconds, trying to discern what had moved, but she didn't notice anything. "Damn Wendy, what are you doing with your life?" she said to herself in her mind. She shook her head one last time and left the place, completely forgetting about her friend's messages.

[crzyimp]

Prompt, Bad cook

Author note: going through a bit of a writer's block and some of discord buddies in jttw server gave me some prompts. Very short but I had fun writing this. No warning.

The four sat together on a fallen tree, waiting with bouncing legs, rubbing hands together, and warily watching the cook at the campfire.

“Who’s idea was it again?” Bailong whisper, contemplating if turning back into a horse and eating the dry thorny bush over there is a better alternative that tonight’s dinner.

“It was Sha Wujing idea to check him up from his wallowing.” Zhu Bajie said, bumping shoulders at this depressed younger brother.

“I only wanted him feel he's contributing, I didn’t expect for him to cook tonight.” Sha Wujing mumbles, rubbing his hands together with his eyes on the ground. “I mean, look at him. How can I say no with how happy he looks.” All eyes back on their holy master, Tripitaka. Happily humming ad he adds the wrong ingredient into the pot, again.

“Still you’re fault.” Zhu Bajie said, crossing his arms and glaring at his little brother.

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you never opened you flappy mouth Idiot.” Pilgrim Sun chimed in like a bell, shooting him a glare with his fiery eyes. “Master wouldn’t be sad with guilt if you never said he does nothing but sit on little Bailong.” Jabbing a finger into his round belly.

“I’m not little anymore, and it looks like Master done.” Bailong said, pointing to Sanzang clapping and jumping with joy. No one at the camp had the heart to refuse his cooking, not when how glowing with happiness. The disciples and the dragon horse never seen him this happy before, and after everything that happened and what’s to come, they didn’t want to take away this moment for him. Even when Sun Wukong died and came back when he took the first bite.

[14dwybrainrot]

Kosma fic:

Lake.

Kosma sat down on a tree. He found it very peaceful there, never having to interact with anyone when he was isolated like this, even if it made him feel so lonely. But at the same time, he barely talked to everyone, so he assumed it made sense. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest, closing his eyes.

He could see the light of the sun, as it slowly came out from all of the clouds. The trees leaves were turning red. But it meant that even if it was beautiful for a short period of time, the leaves would die and fall off, leaving a mess and all of the trees bare. But everything died, eventually.

He opened his eyes again, seeing the same thing, as an acorn fell down next to him, already cracked, and able to see the orange inside of it. The birds were flying away now. It seemed so lonely now.

The harmonica sat at his feet. Sometimes he would play a melancholy tune on it. But the harmonica felt it filled a void inside of him, that would make him happy at times. He grabbed the harmonica, shoving it in his pocket, pulling the hood on his cape up.

He walked down a few ledges and arrived at a lake just down from where he was originally. The lake was a dark blue, very clean, despite having leaves scattered all over its surface. It was so lonely, no noises or anything happening, maybe a scrunch of a stick or leaves. The grass crumbled.

He walked closer to the lake, standing in front of it, seeing his reflection in it. His horns, his wings… He was different from everyone else around him.

He threw a rock into the lake, along with a few sticks, letting them sink all the way down into the lake.

He took off his cloak, before taking his shirt off along with it, making sure to get any other accessories off of him.

He walked closer to the lake, stepping inside of it, slowly going deeper into the water. It felt cold against his skin, making him shiver, but he forced himself to go deeper, now swimming. He spinned around in the water, feeling like he was actually relaxed and even having a bit of fun because of it. He floated on top of the water, looking up at the sky in the gap of the trees. It was a light blue, a blue he found very nice. He reached his hand out, hoping to seem as beautiful as the sky he saw.

There's a hole it seems to fill for him. He was distracted by the water, just spinning around in it, hoping to be left alone as he did this. The water was making his wings twitch, which was a bit awkward for him as the wings were under the water. He swam out further, seeing more trees, seeing things like unique rocks and a few more birds, watching them as they flew away as he got closer. They probably heard the water splashing, anyways.

He let his hair down, removing it from the ponytail, allowing it to be soaked in the water. He saw his feet through all of the water, before floating on his back once more, the trees right here were still green, for the mean time. He saw the squirrels jumping around.

It was so much livelier right here. It actually felt… Alive. His eyes closed, a tear dripping from his eye when he opened them. It wasn't as lonely right there. Yet, at least. But, he wondered when he wouldn't be so lonely. He could barely get out a sentence to most people, another tear shedding. The water was still so cold, a bit uncomfortable for him.

“I… can't believe I'm like this.”

His eyes were wide open now, thinking about everything that had happened that day. Crying in front of everyone because Kevin lectured him. Failing at training.

“Fuck…”

He started swimming back to the shore, looking back at the dying trees, knowing that would also happen to him one day, not knowing how or when he would, not knowing if it was sooner or later.

More leaves fell down from the bushes and trees. The spring blooms were gone, and so were the summer rain and breezes. Now it was autumn, which would eventually form into a harsh winter, snow freezing and killing lots of plants.

‘It's just a season. Why am I being so sad about it?’

He made it back to shore, shivering. going back to where he put his shirt and cloak. He put the shirt back on his arms, leaving his chest open, which made him shiver after being in the cold water. He quickly buttoned it up, securing his cloak next. He knelt down, grabbing his harmonica.

‘Hasn't everyone grown tired of me?’

He felt as if everyone avoided him. Maybe because he was so shy, or maybe because of his horns and wings? He didn't know, but one of his worst fears was ending up alone. That was something that would absolutely ruin him. What about the 8 people above him? Did they only see him as somebody inferior, someone to laugh at? Maybe. He didn't know.

He walked back to MOTH, wanting to just rot in his bed for the next day.

‘I hope everything's better in spring.’

[gummybugg]

find the word tag!

tagged by @digitalsatyr23 here! havent done this tag in a bit, but i have more writing now so its not so difficult to find new words :'D

rules: find the words in your writing and paste a sample here

my words to find: wrong, find, dream, and cloud

(Wasn't sure if this post warrents a content warning, but it does reference suicidal ideation, dissociation, and kidnapping, so be aware.)

...

WRONG

(from my dormant wip the mice come out at night - morgana's pov/diary entry)

I was supposed to have died that day, I found myself thinking. But this thought wasn't out of scorn or hatred for the times I had made since then, it was a matter of fact. I didn't get what I had been promised, yet this time I wasn't so sure what I had expected at the time. Morgana then and now were two cherries separated at the stem. Our concept of what we thought we needed mirrored, the reflection a jarring contrast. "You must have the wrong guy," I found myself saying, cutting through my rampant thoughts. I highly doubted there was anything Vincent could be capable of lying to us about. Even if he decided to tell the others and not me, I was at least 99% certain Juniper would have spilled it by now.

FIND

(from my wip crater city - melony's pov)

Darcy looked down at his hands and the tears that fell into them. "I'm crying." He said, as if baffled by the phenomenon. His voice grew more distant, attempting to fade seamlessly into the background noise. "Look what you've made me do." "Darcy..." I began. "It feels warm and achy. But something is there. It's times like these that make me feel real. Feel human." "Darcy, you are human." "At this moment, I am. In the next few seconds, I won't be anymore. I hate it when emotions fade out of existence..." He sat at my desk with his face buried in his hands. It was customary for when his "mind checked out," as he used to say. "Your emotions don't go away. They're just hiding." He looked up at me with hollow eyes and a slack jaw. But they weren’t hollow because they were empty; they were hollow because they had yet to return. "They're just playing a game of hide and seek.” He grunted in agitated confusion. I sighed, picking up where I left off in the clutter. “Right now, sadness is 'it' and it's having a hard time finding the others. Hmm, I'd wager that anger is hiding in a prickly blackberry bush. Fear isn't always smart, so it's hiding clear-as-day behind a tree. Happiness is relaxing way up high in a tree..." I stood on my toes to prop the last textbook at the top of the shelf. The ridiculous analogy made Darcy chuckle. "It seems it found laughter first," I stuck out my tongue. Darcy came over to help, except my balance was a bit off and the book may have accidentally slipped from my fingers. It knocked him on the head before hitting the floor with a deafening belly flop. Instead of complaining about his head, his eyes lingered on the fallen book for a few extra seconds.

DREAM

Uhhhh none i think

CLOUD

(from my wip crater city - blair's pov)

I slapped the dented trunk of the sedan shut. The trunk was a briefcase from the show Steal or No Steal, and I was the pretty lady in red. But the look on Elijah’s face told me he was not fully convinced that this was the deal of a lifetime. He was starting to get on my nerves. He didn't know how to appreciate an offer of such high demand. It was honestly insulting. However, my TV show escapade was short-lived once I realized that he wasn’t going to let up. He was really upset, wasn't he? I could see it in his vacant stare: his soul had left his body. He took a step back, hands hovering cluelessly at his sides. “Uh, Elijah? What’s wrong, man?” I leaned against the creaky trunk, which snapped further shut, almost forfeiting my balance. It really needed more bungee cords, come to think if it. “This…this isn’t even one of the guys that harassed me.” “Come again?” Elijah was such a joker. “Blair…” The abstraction of my friend clutched my shoulders, causing the damp fabric to press into my skin. His hollow eyes sat constricted in their sockets, white about to burst in urgency. “It’s just some guy with green hair…” “Yeah, and…?” I raised a brow. Of course, he had green hair. What was he going on about? I saw a man with the same colored hair as one of the guys Elijah described, then I…wait, where did I even find this guy? I don’t even remember his face. And it would really be embarrassing to double-check by popping open the trunk. Had I really…? I searched the swirling green clouds for an answer. Then Elijah called my name and my wandering eyes found their way back to his.

...

gently tagging @asterhaze @ditzybitzyspider @forthesanityofsome @frostedlemonwriter @new-royston-cursebreakers and anyone else

rules: find the words in your writing and paste a sample here

your words to find: pull, back, away, and whenever

...

crater city mayhem taglist (dm to be added/removed): @writeouswriter @lyra-brie @digitalsatyr23 @talesfromtheunknowable

[pricklypear1997]

Drunk FMAB ramblings

Edward: omg he’s short and full of anger and depression. So relatable. Favorite color is red, same. “You mean this shrimp fried some rice?!?!?” Adorable. Will literally fight god if he has too lmao. Isn’t atheist as most would believe…. Doesn’t give up. Loves his little bro.

Al: loves cats uwu same, my brother, but my bff is definitely him and she’s like a sister to me lol, plus taller than me :((((. Al is a cinnamon roll. So adorably sweet. Who could hate him??? Seriously??? Will brighten anyone’s day! Such a book nerd 📚. Idk. I think he really likes reading. :) ngl my little bro is like him too. Tall as hell wtf… I feel so protective of my little bro but honestly he doesn’t need me 😹😹😹

Winry, the perfect girl, she’s wonderful and great at making things. So patient with Ed :3 I love her piercings. She’s probably really good at math xD so smart and self reliant too! Loves Edward so much. So sweet :))))

Riza; so strong and cool. Damn sharpshooter. Wish I could be as good with a gun as her. I’ve never held a gun before lmaooo. She’s so cool. She’s definitely a bit sad tho. I get that.

Roy; omg he’s funny but dumb 😂 idk why he’s dumb but he is. ._. He’s so different from me but I completely understand his end goal. That patriotism and love for his country 🤩, I 100% get that and I feel like I kinda have the same end goal as he does, even tho… personality wise, I don’t relate to him at all. He’s such a fucking manwhore lmao.

Ling Yao; funny funny guy, so similar to the mustang tbh (I wonder if Roy is part Xingese too), so funny and chipper. Loves food. Loves his country too, again so fucking based. Imagine being emperor of your country, hell yeah! I love his smile lmao 🤣

Mei Chang; really cute, her braids remind me of central Asian hairstyles :) Central Asia is so cool man… I’m 1/4th central Asian (and North Indian) ok?!? I like her little panda/cat too. She’s so sweet :3 a little red bean dumpling 🥟.

Lan Fan, mysterious cool girl. She literally cut off her arm to throw Wrath off DAMN girl. Her loyalty to Ling is WOW. I’d like to learn more about her. We didn’t get enough of Lan Fan.

Olivier Mira Armstrong; oh my god she’s so cool (and hot!). Sword fighting badass chick. Fur coats and all… damn. So cool and scary. She’s so honest, I love that about her. Very Balkan of her to NOT beat around the bush!!!

Alex Louis Armstrong; mustached muscly freak who’s actually really nice, but kinda scary. I actually appreciate him much more now than I used too. A heroic good guy 👍🏻. A gentle Giant. Probably really good at cooking too?

Izumi Curtis; I love her. Strong independent woman who’s also a house wife and loves her husband. Is a house wife who subverts every sexist stereotype of house wives. So damn cool. She lost a child through miscarriage. :( loves kids but is a “tough love” kinda gal. Doesn’t mess around. She’s really great. I love her relationship with Sig.

Sig Curtis; a gentle giant. Loving and understanding husband. Loves Izumi so much 😭 so patient with his crazy wife! That’s dedication right there! Probably really good at cooking 😀

Ok now the humonculi;

Wrath; a cautionary tale. I actually really like King Bradley. I get him. Really angry lol. Bad ass. So good at sword fighting 🤩🤩🤩. Actually loves his wife… his story is actually sad. Who were his parents??? Orphan…

Envy: ; wtf a palm tree??? I hate this character but idk why. He/she/they irritates me. I like the cute tiny lizard form though. I really adore lizards :3. Kinda angry and angsty. I don’t get this character lol.

Lust; sexy lady roflmao. She’s really pretty, it’s true. Her nails on fleek 10/10. She’s an interesting character and I would’ve loved to see more of her. She died too soon.

Sloth; “what a pain ______ is”. I feel ya bro. He’s scary and muscly, but sleepy af. He does not give a single fuck 😹😹😹

Pride; snot nosed brat! I can’t stand this kid. 🤠 I think pride is my third biggest sin after Wrath and Sloth tho… but this kid was so annoying loooool. Spoiled little rich bitch 🤣

Gluttony; fatass. He’s kinda gross. Resembles a big fat drooling hungry baby lmaoooo.

Greed; we ALL have greed to some extent. He’s such a player. Goofy ass. Funny. Gets all the ladddiiiieeeessss. He wants to rule the world? Or he really just wants good friends who appreciate him???? A chill guy. Slightly annoying but tolerable xD

Father; what the fuck is that thing??? Dwarf in the flask LMAO. Shadowy figure. A weirdo.

Ok back to humans;

Maes Hughes; the best dad ever! Spoils his daughter rotten! A great guy. Everyone is sad he died. I can see why Mustang really appreciated Hughes. He was such a great and kind hearted friend 😄. Made everyone feel better.

Miles; ok actually really cool. I get that 1/4th “other” feeling. Idk why but he’s really interesting. Looks cool :) he’s gonna help save Amestris AND the Ishvalans.

Scar; I I understand his anger. He’s very human and I appreciate that Hiromu Arakawa highlights his humanity despite his wrathfulness. He made a lot of horrible mistakes but we all know he’s on a path of redemption. He really likes cute things :3

Buccaneer; loyal as hell tough guy 🤣 acts so mean on the surface; but is actually nice and just wants SOMEONE to notice how much he cares lmao.

Kimblee; what the fuck? Kinda reminds me of the Boltons from ASOIAF. Long black straight hair pale faced and creepy as hell. Complete psycho and bloodthirsty as hell lmaoooo.

[mrmeltingpoint]

Have you ever found a place that shouldn't be there?

I found one in the woods behind my house. I used to go there all the time as a kid; I knew them like the back of my hand. There was a tree that had fallen against another, pretty thin and springy, so my younger self would climb onto it like a horse. A bit further was a tree that had fallen over completely. It laid on the ground, rotting slowly and returning to the earth. I walked along it like a balance beam. Sometimes I just sat on it, taking in the forest around me.

If you walked a bit further, carefully navigating the thick bushes and brambles, you would reach a creek. It was a small thing, but I loved it. To the right of the fallen tree was a hunter's box. At least, that's what my grandmother called it. I'm not sure of the proper term. It was a wooden box built onto a tree, with a sturdy wooden ladder and a small window. It did seem useful for a hunter.

I only went into it once. I've always hated heights.

I stopped going into the woods around my preteen years. I had middle school to worry about, I didn't have time to appreciate nature. Even when I graduated high school, though, I still didn't go back. At that time, I preferred taking walks through my neighborhood. Nature didn't quite capture my curiosity like it used to.

My grandparents died around then. I didn't feel sad. Maybe I did, but I certainly didn't cry. It still makes me feel like shit that I didn't. What kind of heartless asshole doesn't cry when their family members die? That's a thought that runs through my head sometimes.

When my grandfather died, after my grandmother, we had to move. Technically, me, my sibling, and my mom weren't related to him, by blood or legality. I'm still not sure how they were my grandparents. I haven't asked my mom. Either way, we moved, and the house was bulldozed for a myriad of reasons. I can never go back there.

But I did. I got the night off of work, and instead of going home to relax, I drove to where my grandparent's house used to be. It was surreal, seeing an empty plot of land where I had spent twenty years growing up. It was almost enough to make me throw up. The woods, though, the woods were the same.

There wasn't anything else to look at, so I went into the woods. I could've just gone home, I guess. But I felt like I couldn't just leave without at least seeing one familiar thing. And so I went into the woods.

I found the spot where I used to enter, a break in the brambles around the edge. It should've grown over by now, but it wasn't. Like it was waiting for me. The thin tree was still there, still sitting diagonally against the other tree. The log I used to walk over and sit on was almost completely gone, rotted into the forest floor. Shadows danced over all of it, the setting sun peeking through the leaves overhead.

I could see the hunter's box, but I was still afraid, and I always preferred the creek anyway. But it wasn't where I remembered it. Instead, there was a small clearing, with what seemed to be straw covering the ground. Three mounds rose at the edges, and a lawnmower covered in overgrowth sat in the center. It felt wrong. It felt wrong. I didn't remember it. It was wrong.

Footsteps approached from behind me, and for a moment I was sure I would die. But when I turned to face them, it was me. They looked nothing like me, but I was certain that they were, indeed, me.

"Do you remember this?" they asked in my voice.

"No," I answered, "I don't."

They laughed. It was my laugh. I couldn't help but think that they took it.

"Of course you do!" They gestured to one of the mounds, pointing out a section of straw that had been pulled away. "That was where you tried to climb it, but your foot slipped."

Oh. Right. I remembered this area now.

"But it's not supposed to be here. It was more to the right. The creek should be here."

"Don't let nostalgia lie to you." They laughed again, the same exact way.

"But it's not. I remember."

They smiled. It was my smile. They approached me, and I didn't move away. When they reached me, they grabbed my face, rubbing under my eyes with hands that weren't mine.

"You can't trust something so unreliable as memory." They shook their head. "But that's not important. Do you know why you're here?"

I didn't. I might've come here to remember. I might've come here to reminisce. I might've just misremembered where I live now.

"I thought so." They stepped back, letting go of my face.

"Who are you?" I asked. I knew they were me, but they weren't. They only laughed at my question.

"It's okay to feel how you do, you know. You're not wrong for feeling."

They waved, and left. I couldn't see the moment they disappeared. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. After a moment of silence, and once the sun had fully gone down, I walked towards where the creek should be. And it was there, just as it should be, but not where I remember.

The bubbling water sounded just as I remembered. It was too shallow and dark to see my reflection, but I knew it wasn't mine. I thought about a lot of things that night. I sat there at that creek, and I just thought.

The other me came back and sat with me. They didn't say anything. It was a comfortable silence.

"Will I be okay?" I asked. They didn't respond, and when I turned to look at them, they were staring into the creek. I looked into it as well. Both of our reflections were clearly visible, but neither were me.

"Are you okay?" I asked. They laughed, and it was not my laugh.

"You are what you make of yourself. No one else can decide that for you. Not even me."

I understood what they meant. And when I blinked, they were gone. My reflection was my own, and I brought it with me back to my car. On the drive home, I thought about myself. I thought about myself as I went to bed, and when I woke up.

I found a place that shouldn't be there. And now I can find where I should be.

[bluestardust23]

"You know I don't need your help to climb at all, right?"

"I know that all to well." [A caption that turned to be a oneshoot. 881 words.]

Two days after the restoration of the village, Lara told the people after she told Jacob and Sofia that she was leaving soon. Whenever she was asked when, or if she was coming back at all, she told them they'd know eventually. That motivated Jacob to take Lara to a place, which he said was the best point of view of the landscape.

So there they were, early in the morning before sunrise, at a relaxed pace, en route to the higher spot. Jacob and Lara didn't stop sharing their stories with each other. They shared their emotions; anger, sadness, and laughter. Neither of them realized they got along so well, they unconsciously made a few stops when talking. After climbing for a while, Lara noticed Jacob wouldn't stop helping her to climb up. She was about to ask why when he released his hold on her hand and advanced over some bushes. Gripping onto a sturdy ledge, again, even not asked to, he extended his arm for her. She stared at it, quite puzzled.

"Then why do you keep on giving me your hand?"

"I figured out you never let anyone take care of you, so I'm allowing myself to."

She chuckled, "Fair enough."

"Do you allow me to? Actually, it's okay if you—"

"Yes, it's okay. I appreciate it, Jacob," Lara told him as she pulled herself up over a large stone by holding his hand, "Thanks."

"You're welcome. We're halfway there," he pointed up, "Come."

They continued the voyage upward, climbing up the cliff. The trail wasn't so apparent but it was clear Jacob went there multiple times, as the way they were going was the easiest and safest way to climb up. The chatter continued as well. Jacob stopped next to a fallen tree before turning to face Lara.

"Now, Lara, please close your eyes."

Lara raised an eyebrow, holding her smile, "Do I have to?"

"I guess yes. Please."

"Alright. Eyes closed."

"Are they really closed?"

"Don't make me wanna peek."

"Heh," he grinned as he took her hand and led her to the finish line, warning her about rocks, sharp grass, and branches. Then he told her to sit down.

"You may open your eyes."

Lara opened her eyes slowly, then quickly wide open as the colors filled her head. The sky was a gradation of blue with pink and orange clouds and a lining of gold. The icy tundra and lake reflected the beautiful colors. Nearing the foot of the mountain, next to the river, the village. Adults working on the farm, kids chasing the rabbits down, elders walking in leisure.

"What an amazing view," Lara managed to say, after catching her breath, "I...I never take such a peaceful look over the places I've been. All I've always felt was, worry, urgency..." she paused in a frown, "...fear."

"No," Jacob rebuffed, "Fear isn't one of them. You're fearless. The better word for it is incertitude. You didn't know all that lonely journey you'd take, passing every point where you could've died, still with that remarkable conscience, would even lead you to anything at all. But as you said, you were done not believing your father. And there you got it," he smiled, "That's being human, Lara. We hate, fear, and are desperate for what we don't understand. In the end, the one leap of faith we take leads us to peace."

"One step to peace," she implied, reminding Jacob that she was still hunting for Trinity. She turned to Jacob with a grateful smile, "Thank you for showing me this, Jacob, making me see. I mean it."

"I'm glad you like it that much," Jacob uttered, "This view is what keeps me going. I lost count of how many times in my life I have thought to just come back to Kitezh, order the Deathless Ones to stand back, and destroy the Divine Source myself. But I always come up here, intentionally or not...and that thought washed away. Replaced with what I could hear in my ear: 'hold on'."

He turned to Lara with a smile, and when she replied with one of her own, Jacob placed a hand on her arm, joking, "So it was you?"

They laughed heartily, then absentmindedly stared into each other's eyes for a moment that felt like time had stopped. Suddenly, he dropped his expression and released his warm hold. Lara was surprised quietly when she realized what happened. Jacob looked at the village and sighed. Swallowing, he asked without looking at her, "Will I see you again, Lara?"

She smiled softly, and to his surprise, she held his hand on the ground and called his name. He looked into her brown orbs as she stared at his blue ones.

"Will you wait for me?"

As if a heavy boulder was taken off of his shoulders, his face brightened up as he released a breath. "Yes. Yes, yes I will. Please, be safe, Lara."

"You too, Jacob. Be safe. I'll see you again, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that."

---------end---------

One perk of being on a tiny fandom: you get to fangirl your own works!! Ain't that right, Tea?!

I hope you all like it too! <3 Speedpaint: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uaQmBI9ft9oxuexREQ0clpKDLw1RDO6K/view?usp=sharing

[lunarblue21]

Trailer for Cruel Intentions (entire series but mostly the first half)

Black screen.

Narrator: (Voiceover): There comes a time when friendships are tested

Fade to black, three rapid successions of scenes, each cutting into each other; first scene of Peaches tackling Diego, second scene close up of tusks aiming in on the tiger, only to be blocked by Manny's. Camera focuses on the mammoth standing protectively beside the tiger, protecting him from the Imperial mammoth glowering at them. Third scene, Diego limping off with Manny gazing after him mournfully after their conversation hasn't gone well. Fade to black as narrator's voice begins again.

Narrator: (Voiceover): And the time has come to choose…

One brief instance of a scene, Manny glancing back at the tiger concealed behind the tree, a young sabre cub at his side, watching the mammoths enter the herd, and the two look into each other's eyes briefly before Diego averts his gaze, turning to Axel. Camera focuses back on Manny, with a close-up of his brown eyes, pools of sadness over these events. Cuts to black.

Narrator: (Voiceover) But what will you do? Will you be loyal to your friend of the fire, or instead lust after the honour you desire?

Scene fades in. Camera zooms in on Manny and the black Imperial mammoth Elder Titan, who are talking together, as two animal kids run up to them, their faces streaked with tears and their fur wet with blood. Their voices are muffled as they try and get Manny's attention, but he intently keeps conversing (apparently affably) with the Elder, turning aside to them at the last minute. Upon hearing their news, the camera zooms in on his eyes, which have widened with fear at the children's story. He makes a move to leave and go after his friend; however, he is restrained by the Elder, leaving him no choice but to stay there. Worried, he casts his eyes in the direction of the meadow; and the two kids see it. They glance at each other, taking hope.

Narrator: (Voiceover) What will you do? The choices hang in the balance.

Cut to black.

Music begins (immediate music : Judgement Day – 1:35- 2:01 mayhaps)

Several made up film companies appear (as Fox and Blue Sky might object to theirs being used.)

Elder Titan: (Voiceover) The boundaries are being blurred. I must do something to stop this.

Flash of white and scene fades into a clearing where Diego and Peaches are wrestling each other, the tiger being extra-careful not to harm her. Cuts to the black-furred Imperial mammoth peering at them from behind the bushes, his eyes narrowed in suspicion mingled with anger. Cut to Manny standing in front of the Council of his species. The camera zooms in on slowly him as he speaks.

Manny (Voiceover): I beg to differ! My friend Diego is a strong tiger, he wouldn't let them do any such thing if he was border control guard, and he'd make them obey him. He was the second-in-command of the pack he defected from, on my behalf. My mammoths, he nearly died … to save me.

Scene cuts to Manny and Diego.

Manny: (happily) To think I was nominated for the position of Regent Elder! *punches Diego gently* Just imagine what I can do for our herd if I get elected, Diego.

Cuts to Diego.

Diego: (managing a small grin) I'm happy for you, Buddy. Just don't forget about us, okay?

Cuts back to Manny.

Manny (solemnly) Of course not. (Smiles at Diego)

Music changes (Test Drive from the HTTYD soundtrack 1:18 -2:00)

Cuts to black with writing on screen saying 'When dangers and troubles collide with the herd, their very existence will be put under fire.'

Flash of white, cut to the tigers and Sid and Shelley ducking away just before the black-furred Chief Elder Titan arrives on the scene, his face a thundercloud as he glances around, inspecting the area with suspicious intent in his eyes. Bridging shot of Sid strutting around wearing a hat as he acts flirtatious towards Shelley (even hitting on Ellie briefly before Diego notices and tells him to knock it off). Cut next to Diego teaching Axel how to hunt, tailed closely by Peaches, who insists on learning to hunt as well. Cut to Axel with a smirk on his face.

Axel: Gosh, that's brilliant. A mammoth learning how to hunt.

Rapid cut to the scene of a large battlefield, with Manny raising his tusks in preparation for the onrush as the herd falls in step behind him, with Damien trumpeting a battle cry.

Damien: We shall no longer by our silent, obedient consent live under the rule of "Chief" Elder Titan. Onward, into the fray!

Writing flashes onscreen: 'And they will embark on a journey that will test their very souls.'

Cuts to Peaches running away towards the entrance in the Pass of the Brede that leads out of the valley, tears visible on her cheeks, blood trickling from a wound on her side. Cuts to Manny standing alone under a bright night sky, dotted with white stars shining luminously across the expanse of space. Brief POV shot of Manny's face as he glowers at the stars that mock him in their togetherness.

Cuts to Manny.

Manny: You said you'd always be there for me! But you're not… *He blinks away a stray tear appearing in his eye*

Flash of white, fades into a wide shot of the herd beginning to go their separate ways; Sid leaving with Shelley, walking off into the distance claw in claw, and then the possum brothers departing, glancing back at their sister Ellie solicitously, aware of the sorrow in her eyes. Cuts to Peaches up close, standing next to an older wolf, turning her head upwards to gaze at the stars, noticing the outline of one formerly very dear to her in them, and sighing to herself as a falling star skids across the sky nearby her, although she doesn't see it. Cuts to black.

Title fades in: 'Cruel Intentions'. But it gleams brightly with red light for one minute, and then fades out.

Cuts to ending with a screen fading in saying 'Coming soon to a fanfiction site near you.'

(my apologies for such a long post but here is a taste of my Cruel Intentions series for any of my readers here on tumblr! 'Cruel Intentions' will be crossposted to both ffn and ao3, so I hope you'll tune in on whatever platform you prefer!)

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Will update this trailer occasionally with links to the books in my CI-verse once they've dropped as well as pinning them to my tumblr profile. :)

CI: Lacrimosa

FFN AO3

[heavenlyyshecomes]

The rains have ceased. In contrast to the morning and evening chill, the sunny afternoons are frighteningly hot. The leaves have turned yellow, but how strange to watch them as they flutter down through the windless air on to the garden’s mossy carpet in the harsh, summer-like sunlight. I feel the deep melancholy of the French poet who sang of the South American climate: ‘Here the leaves scatter in the April spring.’

I go out to the garden one afternoon, a partially read book of poems in hand, and walk among the beds. The streaming rays illuminate each overlapping leaf of the plums, the maples, the other trees that grow in such profusion, casting their shadows like patterns on the mossy ground. Deep in this shade stands a gazebo. Beyond it is an unobstructed view of a flowering field. I sit to take in the immense blue sky at a glance. Thin white clouds spread across the blue from west to east as if painted with a brush, never moving however long I gaze at them. Countless dragonflies flit back and forth like the swallows one sees high in the summer skies of France. Multicoloured cosmos, taller than the gazebo, bloom in profusion beneath the harsh sun, spreading to all corners of the field, each of which is densely covered in low-growing kumazasa bamboo. Crimson amaranths seem to burst into flame. The Chinese bellflowers and asters retain their brilliant purple, but the white-flowered bush clovers are already past their peak and bow to the ground like the dishevelled tresses of a woman who has thrown herself down in tears, flowing towards my feet upon the gazebo’s paving stones. In their dewy shadows, one or two surviving insects cry out in thin melodic strains.

Ah, this blue sky, this sunlight: mementos of a forgotten summer. How could one imagine it to be October, to be autumn? The barest hint of a breeze turns the pages of the poetry book on my knees until I have a clear view of the final stanza of Baudelaire’s sad ‘Song of Autumn’: Ah! laissez-moi, mon front posé sur vos genoux, Goûter, en regrettant l’été blanc et torride, De l’arrière saison le rayon jaune et doux! ‘Ah! let me, with my head bowed on your knees, / Taste the sweet, yellow rays of the end of autumn, / While I mourn for the white, torrid summer!’

No matter what I see, even the most beautiful flower, I wonder if it is blooming only to make us think of the sadness to come when it has withered and died. The delightful intoxication of love, I can only believe, exists to give us a taste of the sadness to come after parting. And surely the autumn sunlight shines this beautifully in order to tell us, ‘Know ye that the sadness of winter will be here tomorrow.’ Now and then I become strangely agitated and, wishing to see the fading sunlight for even a few seconds longer, I leave to walk not just in the garden but through the gate and into the streets beyond. Ah, what scenes the autumn sun–the autumn sun of my birthplace–has shown me!

—Nagai Kafu, Behind the Prison tr. Jay Rubin, in The Penguin Book of Japanese Short Stories ed. Jay Rubin

[rutidon]

When the World Dies

Every now and again, the world dies for just a little bit. The wind stops blowing and the animals stop singing (In the south, this is the year-long chorus of birds, frogs, and bugs).

Sometimes, I like it when the world dies. Everything stops and goes silent for long enough for me to think an entire thought and find that there is empty space left over in my head. Then, I’ll think over that one thought again and again until it fades into the idea of a memory of a concept of a dream.

Sometimes, I don’t like it so much when the world dies. Everything feels so lifeless (Almost as if it is truly dead). I can sit outside for a while and experience nothing. It feels like I am missing something that I never had, or never knew that I had at any rate-- Like I am waiting for some stranger who I know will never come.

I know that the world isn’t dead for good. When I focus really hard on it, I can find signs that survivors have made it through this temporary mass extinction. Every night, I hear an owl calling from the pines somewhere across the street. On my walk up to the house, I will see a bush that is covered in flowers, each one teeming with bees whom I can only assume are the last ones that I will see this year. On the playground at work, I can still see moths and grasshoppers and even a squirrel at times. My students have made it a point to identify new birds that they see as well. 

This dead world may exist entirely within my head. My students are as energetic as ever, and always eager to step outside. My father and sister continue how they have done for most of the year; They work from home, so I cannot put myself into their shoes when I walk or drive on a near-daily basis.

I am not sure if the world is dead right now.

I will, at times, find myself sitting motionless, staring off into space and listening to find out if there is something out there that I missed while surveying the world for life. Then, I will be pulled back into a sense of reality when one of my students says my name, or a friend or family member asks if I am alright.

Do they know that the world is dead? Do they recognize how quiet it is? Do they recognize how the sky now hosts only the sun? Am I the one who is dead? Has the world around me continued on and evolved to be so unnatural that it could only be perceived as dead to a dead man?

What happens if the world dies for good? For me, this was never a question of “if”, but rather “when”. 

I would imagine that the world would die, but it would keep on going. Our roads and houses wouldn’t disappear, and neither would the tree trunks and the bones of animals that had already passed. I’d like to pretend that I was one of the many people who foresaw catastrophe and took the time to plan for how to survive it. Realistically, my own hopes for survival wouldn’t matter (Not to be entirely pessimistic, but I know for a fact that I would either thrive in a post-apocalyptic world or perish shockingly fast). 

Whenever I do die, I hope that the world doesn’t remember me as the guy who lied in bed for hours every morning, poring over already-known information while checking to see if anyone at all had tried to make contact (That is to say, lying in bed on my phone, scrolling through stuff I’d seen and being too afraid to text people first). I hope that the world doesn't remember me as someone who was “sad” or “irritable” or “bitter” or “crabby” or “short-tempered”. I hope that the world doesn’t think of me as someone who deserved to die, but instead as someone who had earned a right to die through a lifetime of trying to make things better for everyone around them.

If I live (And that is a very weighted “If”), then I want to be someone.

I have already thought through what I intend to do.

Times of tragedy always bring out the best and the worst of people. In this case, I’m choosing to think of myself as one of the people who chooses to be better.

When the bodies that take care of us can no longer do so, it becomes the duty of us to take care of each other. As a preschool teacher, I certainly know a great deal about taking care of other people.

I wouldn’t have much as far as capital (In a dead world, that would be skills and tools and knowledge). I can fish, but not too well. I can start fires, but not too well. I can trap and clean animals, but not too well. I can navigate without a map, but not too well. All I’d have with me is my emergency bag (Which, optimistically, would last me about a month or two if everything else died and I had to pack up and hit the road).

I do, however, have a lot of books. Across the floor of my room there are so many children’s books that I have completely given up on trying to count them all; My organization system, too, is almost at its breaking point.

When the world dies, I would fill my time with more books. If I were to grow bored, I’d imagine that I’d lose hope of survival, and my motivation to keep going. If I were bored, I would turn the silence of the dead world into an irrational fear that the space around me could suddenly spring back to life with the sole intent of killing me. If I were bored, I would become as destructively energetic as an untrained dog.

If I could read, I would stave off that boredom for as long as possible. If I could read to others, maybe I could keep them alive, too. If I could read, maybe I could say that I had saved someone.

Who knows?

I do like reading, almost as much as I like telling stories. Story time for my students often keeps them in one place long enough for them to forget that they don’t hate each other and that they don’t hate me. Rather, I could say that it keeps them in place long enough for me to remember that nobody really hates anyone; They just grow tired of being so near to each other all the time.

I think that nap time is the best time to tell stories as well. The room is deathly quiet and there may only be one or two children awake out of the fifteen or sixteen of them. They’ll sit in silence, looking around the room in what I can only imagine is their own search for signs of life. I think that they’re being silly; “Of course the world isn’t dead”, I would think. Then, I would sit and read with them until the world seemed alive again.

When the classroom becomes silent due to my influence, I somehow don’t think of it as dead-- Only resting. I think that if the world could speak then it would pause from time to time and echo “I’m not really dead, I’m just taking a break!”

I’ll consider this when I lie still on my bed, or in the grass, or on the branches among leaves. I’ll consider this when I sit and watch the waters of a creek or lake. I’ll consider this when I count the words on the pages of a story book:

“I’m only resting.”