#even more annoying are the ones who hate on a very plausible and understandable ship purely cause it isn’t canon

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Actually, John O’Bryan or Joshua Hamilton (I forgot which one) confirmed on the Braving the Elements Podcast that Zutara was in the original bible and that there was a fight in the writer’s room for making it canon. He even says he’s still Zutara, that they did it wrong, and that in an alternative universe they’re together.

But his version doesn’t really make sense bc the original bible that can be accessed online doesn’t confirm ANY ships. Also, kataang was literally hinted in the pilot. Not to mention that either Joshua or John - whoever wrote CoTL - literally confirmed that Mike and Aaron made him write Omashu for Kataang’s romance. One of them (Joshua or John) pitched the episode as just being a story of Sokka suffering with the nomads, but Mike and Aaron felt it was important to tie Oma and Shu to Kataang. I also believe it was Joshua Hamilton who wrote the inaccurate “Avatar Extras” that confirmed that Zuko was supposed to be Katara’s love interest.

So essentially, what happened was the following (imo): In the early development stage prior to book 1, the idea of Zuko and Katara were thrown around. Some of the writers might’ve latched onto it and, as a result, the ship was teased in late 3.5 (especially given how POPULAR the ship was in 2005-2008). However, Bryke and Aaron felt that Kataang was always the natural direction and made sense story wise. And ultimately, that’s what happened as endgame. The creators and the head writer feeling that a popular fanon ship with a friendship developed in under 5 episodes doesn’t make for a romantic endgame, in addition to a preference for Kataang.

At the end of the day, no one is denying that Zutara wasn’t teased (not even Bryke themselves). We just don’t think it’s a plausible endgame that makes sense as per the series. I can also sort of understand why some of the writers would still prefer Zutara - it does sound intriguing on paper (very YA and disney), but doesn’t make any sense execution wise. Good on the creators for denying that shit.

Assuming that's true at all, and that is something I likely truly won't do until I search said podcast and hear it myself because God knows zutarians lie all the time, that still make it the power-struggle some people claim it was.

One writer having an idea, latching onto it, and then trying to pass it off as "my idea was totally going to be canon at one point, trust me even though everyone else on the team says another thing and the actual main couple was present from episode one."

And even if we exclude the Kataang angle in Cave Of Two Lovers (that Joshua did write) an intervention on his writting process would still be necessary. I love Sokka, but watching over 20 minutes of him just being annoyed would get repetitive and boring really fast. It makes far more sense to balance it out with two of the other main characters learning about a legend of a city the viewers are familiar with (and will see being at the mercy of the Fire Nation) the following episode. It makes the episode more engaging and reminds us of what will be at stake if the Fire Nation wins.

Another thing that makes this story hard to believe for me, is the fact that Joshua didn't write any episodes until book 2 (though obviously that doesn't mean he couldn't be part of the creative team in some other ways), of all the episodes he did write only "The Chase" has Katara and Zuko interacting at all or so much as mentioning each other, he was the one who wrote Boiling Rock Part 2 which has some major Maiko moments, and he was also part of creating the episode "Ember Island Players" which mocks the very idea of Zutara and has the characters themselves be visibly uncomfortable when they hear of it.

Even if we assume that man was secretly hoping Zutara would be a thing alll along, it seems pretty clear to me that he is NOT this "Zutara champion" that hates the canon ships and fought tooth and nail to make his OTP happen, but the other evil writers stopped him.

Hell, let's look at someone who has been very openly shipping Zutara for years: Dante Basco, aka Zuko. That man has said he refuses to watch the live action movie and to say anything too bad about it because he's an actor and doesn't want to risk angering a guy that could end up being his boss in the future. This same Dante has REPEATELY said Zutara is his favorite ship, and that even though he really likes how the show ended, he wishes that pairing had had a chance to happen.

He says that without any fear, and doesn't seem to have suffered any consequences for it. To me, that shows that "Zutara VS Kataang/Maiko" is not the epic power-struggle amongst the team that zutarians love to pretend it was. It was just people throwing ideas around. Some were used, some were not. Just the ordinary creative process, not a ship war.

And once again, this is me assuming that there's any chance that Joshua ever wanted Zutara to be a thing, and that this is not just another case of obsessive fans lying to everyone again to convince themselves they have canon validation. God knows Zutarians have cried wolf MANY times (and I'm amused that in this version, Aaron Ehasz is one of the "bad guys", even though they are still using that fake interview of him confirmig a zutara endgame as proof that their ship was supposed to be canon. These people lie so much, they lost track of who they claim is "one of them" or not).

[moonchildridden]

NottPun, that couple (who’re not exactly a couple) that showed a lot of nuances in less than an hour: cute and lovable toxicity, hard work and workshop in secret rooms just to save up time (Episode 1)

You know the shit is good when it makes the dead rise.

  War Of Y. A good sister series to Y Destiny, where we have 4 couples, each one with a story that seeks to show and expose the inside juice of the acting industry, especially in the Y-area. The couples, as it follows, are NottPun (with the story “New Ship”), GusBew (with the story “War of Managers). KlaPeek (with the story “Y-IDOL) and MostAchi (with the story “Wife”). And just like Y Destiny, as soon as you see the trailers for the stories, is not difficult to see that things are prone to get dark and dirty very fast and all you can do is put your seat belt on and pray it keeps you in place the entire journey.

To be honest, I wasn’t planning to make any analysis/rant/theory posts about this series, because I’m lazy and also have a post about LeoFiat in the drafts since last year, that I seriously need to finish before their new series airs but after I watched the first episode and identified the themes presented in them, my brain just got into that overdrive mode that keeps nagging me until I actually sat down and started writing. And, oh boy, I can’t wait to show you guys what my brain cooked.

Before we get this little baby on the road, the usual disclaimers: everything that you guys will be reading in this post is the result of my observations into very specific parts of the episode, frame by frame repetitive viewing and me getting to the most plausible conclusion after taking all in, meaning that most of the things will be on the speculative territory, others in (maybe) theory territory and some can (or so I think) be proven by in-dialogues and scenes arrangements, so take things with a grain of salt, ok?

I will divide this in segments to make it easy for you guys to follow my thought process and also will follow the order of events presented in the episode, with things in bold being mostly dialogues and things in italic being me emphasizing or exaggerating my thoughts. So, consider me an impostor today because I will vent a lot in here.

Oh, and also, for those who do not know me and landed here by accident, I’m moonchild, your resident theorist and analyst, back to business because my brain hates me. Nice to meet you, and let’s get into it.

Characters profiles

The thing that I hate the most is when I need to establish myself a character sheet myself, because it can be wildly inaccurate and make my understanding of certain actions wrong just because I based my ideas of a character in a biased viewing. However, when we only have one episode and not a lot to work on, in terms of ground to analyze, the only thing I can do is extrapolate a bit and hope I get something right. This was exactly what I did here.

Starting with Nott. Nott seems to be a very easy going and approachable person, smiling more and being friendlier even when the people around him simply do not give room for that to happen. This easy going way of being extends to how he views certain aspects of his job as an actor, such as love scenes, and also his personal live, with him being a bit of a flirt when he’s with Pun. He also seems intense sometimes and rather competitive, which gives him an image of someone who you should never fuck with, unless you want problems.

Oh, and he smokes. I just needed to point that out.

Moving on to Pun, this guy seems to be on the verge of getting annoyed by everyone and everything and it only needs one person to fuck up really good for him to explode and wish that the world would burn and not spare anyone (me, for real). He also seems a bit arrogant, a jerk at best and a borderline toxic at worst, getting a high in humiliating people he deems below him (Pharaoh and GusBew) and in being adored. He’s more competitive that Nott and seems to be that type of person willing to do almost everything to get where he wants, including tearing down people he sees as his competition.

  (As a side note, Pun is so fucking pretty with this hair that I would kill for him. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk)

Overall, they are a good match. Nott keeps Pun in check a little bit, as Pun could be classified as a bit of a brat, and Pun brings out a more risky side of Nott. A real match made in heaven.

Now, contrary to what I did in my PuthKaeng analysis, jumping straight to my vision of their relationship, the tone and ambience of the episode was not exactly focused on the relationship between Nott and Pun but how the environment of their job and their personalities converge and what type of reactions that convergence causes. Because of that, this post (and possibly the ones after this) will focus more on the themes that the episodes are trying to convey, after all that’s the main premise of the series: expose of the industry; and also, there is not much of their relationship shown here to warrant a whole single post about it, except a few things that I noticed and rented a fucking triplex in my head since morning, and I will be talking about that in the end of the post.

So…to the themes that I managed to identify on the episode, we have mainly four:

1. Apparent lack of space/dispute between BL actors;

2. NC scenes and their placement in series (existence, intensity, etc);

3. Unequal treatment between actors;

4. Sexual harassment from important figures within the industry/society in general.

1.       Apparent lack of space/dispute between BL actors

The episode starts with an award ceremony show being transmitted live and the biggest prize of the night, The Greatest Y, being announced and right of the bat is possible to notice some “tension” between Pun specifically and the other actor that was nominated for the same award, Atichon, if the looks he keeps throwing in Atichon’s direction are any indicative of that. Because they are in a public setting, there is a certain professionalism in front of the attendees and the cameras, just for the sake of not creating problems for any of them.

Atichon won the award and, until there and the speech he have, things seem pretty “normal”, until we move to the next scene, which is those mini fan meetings that actors usually do after events like these and here it is almost possible to identify a sub-theme: the allusion of the fragility of the actor’s fame in the industry and how the fans seem to move too fast from couple to couple, cheering for what’s in the spotlight at that moment: first they cheer for GusBew (the new actors in the block, per se) and take their photos, then they cheer for NottPun (the seniors of GusBew) and take their photos and then they cheer for AtichonDew (the seniors of NottPun) and take their photos.

While this may seem normal for some people, the point here is how the crowd “loses” interest of a couple as soon as a new one is put in front of them, and the amount of “influence” these same actors have in the industry. The fans here are being treated as migratory birds, and the fact that the show is using the biggest driving force of any celebrity, their followers, to such how unstable this type of environment can be and how the idea that there is not enough space to everyone in the industry, that someone always have to lose so that other one can shine is being ingrained in the minds of the actors.

The industry is basically saying that they have a room with a limited space, and they are too saturated to accommodate everyone, so a few people will need to give up their seats to make things more comfortable. Consequently, causing clashing between the actors and rising the competitive spirit (mind you that I’m not saying that being competitive is bad, but that the type of competitive behavior that the industry is promoting here is the real problem).

  2.       NC scenes and their placement in series (existence, intensity, etc)

This one is a bit tricky, because it may be just me reading into this too much but sometimes that’s the only way of actually understanding things, being the only part of the themes that I’m not really sure if it is intentional or not. Regardless, it took me to a tangent out of this world and I feel like I need to put this here.

Anyway, during the script reading meeting, Pun’s manager asked to the screenwriter is the amount of NC scenes wasn’t a bit too much and the screenwriter answered with a “I think it is normal when the characters grow up, the story gets more intense”, “the customers want them” and “who wants to make a season 2 lighter than the last?”. That answer took me to three points:

1 – The idea that to show maturity/character growth inside the story, it is explicitly necessary to show their intimacy, or the characters are not “mature” enough, kind of equating sex with maturity

Putting aside the discussion about how affection between queer couples is shown almost hesitantly in series, even those where being queer is their “selling point”, and how when is actually shown is almost always in a extreme way and can be considering a way of pandering to the fujoshis or not, the way the screenwriter explained the amount of the NC in the story made it seem like more than half of the story will have NC scenes because without that, even with the couple being mature, the couple would not be considered mature, which is kind of…weird, to say the least. And don’t get me started in how that way of thinking can be harmful to ace people.

2 – The absurd demand for NC scenes, instead of actual plot

We all have in mind that one series that we think that have too many NC scenes, just to hide the fact that there is no actual plot and how NC scenes are marketed and sold, more than the story itself, almost like they are separate entities. As the public that consumes BL (I’m generalizing here for the sake of convenience, I know not every person that watches BL is like that), we tend to focus more on series with a strong sexual content, even when that is not the focal point of the series (for example, Pornographer was a story with a strong sexual content whose plot revolved around that). The “costumers” the screenwriter was referring in their answer is us, the public that will watch the series, and we are mainly responsible for the adding, sometimes unnecessary, of NC scenes, just because they know it something that sells and can guarantee the series a sure thing light level of success.

[I’m not saying that NC scenes are unnecessary per se of that there is a X amount of acceptable NC scenes before the series can be considered soft porn, but that the high demand of more “mature stories” (mature here being actual sex scenes and not stories with mature characters) is making good quality of plots a difficult thing to archive.]

3 – The fact that a good chunk of screenwriters CAN’T make a good second season

Together With Me: The Next Chapter and I Promised You The Moon. Two of the most awaited seasons of their respective years, with high expectations being put in how good they would be. Two seasons that ended up giving us a big unnecessary headache.

Second seasons, after the couple is already together, should be usually made to show that same couple in a domestic setting, their adaptation to a new environment, how they resolve their problems, how they face the difficulties life throw at them, stuff like that. It may happen that a drama or two appear along the way, but nothing that takes 90% of the plot or be that heavy to the point of destroying the couple’s constructed relationship. Many people would literally PAY (no joke!) just to see their favorite couple just being cute and lovey dovey with each other, having their day by day normally, so the idea that a second season need to be more intense than the first is not as linear as the screenwriter is trying to make seem. You need to give valid reasons for the intensity, like unresolved issues left hanging in season one, a coherent added problem, and not just make an intense second season for the sake of making an intense second season.

That type of behavior gives the impression that the screenwriters have ZERO idea of how to write a happy couple and that if they don’t create problems out of thin air, may end up dying. AKA, lazy writing in my opinion.

3.       Unequal treatment between actors;

This may sound a bit random but anyone who has been following KinnPorsche's cast for a while will surely remember that Apo said in an interview that one of the reasons that made him leave the industry was that there was no equal treatment between the actors in a series' cast and the crew in general.

Being more specific, he talked about how the protagonists were treated as if they were basically royalty on the set, being able to have everything they wanted, when they wanted, and those who were not "important" in the story (secondaries and extras) were treated as if they were expendable. Nothing shows and explains this better than the scene in which GusBew and their managers are practically in the middle of the hallway, while Bew was getting his makeup done, and NottPun had a climate-controlled room with mineral water and ice cubes specifically prepared and waiting for them. Or the scene where Gus was going to prepare something to drink and one of the staff directs him to another corner because the corner he was in belonged to the protagonists, with a plaque literally written “For Pun Only”. Or even the fact that Pan's manager made the staff skip the queue shooting and put NottPun’s scenes before the ones GusBew were shooting  just because she (or Pan probably) wanted to come home early.

Let me repeat: Pan's manager went over the shooting schedule and MANAGED to delay the scene of other actors just because her actor is the protagonist in the series and left the other actors whose schedule had to be adapted because of that to deal with the consequences. It was basically a “if you’re not the protagonist, just resume yourself to your insignificance and be quiet, because you're not the boss here”.

Other thing that kind of gives the sense of this inequality is how, going back to the beginning of the episode, in the after event ceremony, every time one of the actors is introduced, we get to see their IG profile and the amount of followers they have. GusBew, probably because they are new in the industry, are the ones with the lowest numbers (with 3.2k and 2.8k respectively), followed by NottPun with 850k and 731k respectively and AtichonDew with 1.34M and 1.7M respectively. This is their way of saying that the way they will be treated will follow the “influence” they have in the industry and the most fame you have, the better you will be treated and the better opportunities you will have; I bet that if Atichon made the same demands NottPun, or their managers, do, NottPun would be left to wait while Atichon’s demands were attended.

Because, even if Pun hate to admit, he knows that Atichon is more respected and well treated than him.

4.       Sexual harassment from important figures within the industry/society in general.

Well…when I said things could get dark in a heartbeat in this series, I was not lying. The things I was talking about were already pretty serious but now we are going to tackle something even more serious: the lack of bodily autonomy that the actors have within the industry and how big figures use the power they have to get sexual favors from them. Because of that, this part comes with a trigger warning of sexual assault and sexual harassment and if you don’t feel comfortable with this kind of content, maybe is better to avoid this section entirely.

Anyway. We've all heard rumors (and we're even sure that many things like this really happened) that a lot of actors in the industry have been harassed by screenwriters, novel authors, directors, broadcasters, anyone with enough power to leverage or screw up the lives of actors who you can imagine (a good example, the most recent actually, is the harassment Mile suffered from one of the KinnPorsche’s novel authors). Most of the time this happens without the actors' managers knowing but, in some cases, actors are convinced by the managers to do certain "pleasures" for certain people in exchange for opportunities in the company they are in or in the industry in general, and these treats they are almost always of a sexual nature, which makes an already complicated situation of social and economic inequality much worse than it could be.

Leaving aside Pan's somewhat "toxic" personality and how obnoxious he can be, the way he almost screamed with his eyes for his manager not to leave him alone with the man there, how he angrily rubbed himself in the bath after the meeting, crying while remembering being touched against his will, shows that even those most "willing" to sell a little more than acting, feel pressured to do so because they feel they NEED to do that so they can stay in the industry and not be left behind. And here we're talking about someone who probably already had an idea of ​​what could happen during that meeting, can you imagine someone new to the industry, having their first role, dreaming of gaining fans and solidifying themselves in the market? Anyone underage, like Barcode for example, who had the authors using him to get massages in exchange of help with the script? Someone with no one else to advise them at these times? How many Pans are there in this industry, being coerced into pleasing people with money in exchange for publicity, a role on a major network, a year-end award? It's almost scary to think about it.

Still on the subject of unwanted touches, I was scrolling on twitter and reading some tweets about the episode and I came across a tweet that caught my attention and added another thing on this post, that I really didn’t think it was something that important to mention or analyze but considering that nothing in this episode is random and serves a purpose, now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Pun, besides being a little bratty and coming across as rude sometimes, seems to hate being touched, to a degree that every time someone touches him, immediately after his manager gives him spray so he can use. It happened when he waited for Pharaoh to step aside so he could go to his room, it happened after GusBew asked to take pictures with him and it happened (albeit justifiable this time) after the meeting with the TTV sponsor. In all of those instances, he only “allowed” the touches to happen because he was being polite, not because he actually wanted which, according to the tweet I mentioned earlier, could mean two things:

1 - His apparent germophobia could be an allusion to how Pun feels about how he is in the industry, as in the fear of being sullied and ruined, losing every part of himself because of the industry so the action of cleaning himself after physical contact could be the way he found to keep him “intact”;

2 - Could be a reaction to past trauma, most possibly of sexual nature.

No matter what the reasons are for this behavior, one sure thing is that Pun hates being touched and only allows certain people that privilege. One of them is his manager and the other, surprisingly enough, is Nott; in ANY MOMENT, Pun swayed away from Nott’s touch and, if I do say so myself, seemed very comfortable having Nott by his side, something that could mean that Nott, in a weird sense, is some sort of safe place for Pun (more about this later).

  Overall, the episode tackled in a very straightforward way a few things that we always wondered if happened in the industry and didn’t shy away from making us feel uncomfortable in the right moment, while also making us think deeply about the themes portrayed in the episode and BillySeng undoubtedly killed as NottPun, making us see the emotions and pay attention to every action the characters were doing. They evolved a lot since Secret Crush On You and I can assure that NottPun were made for them.

Not gonna lie, I was a bit skeptical about the premise of the series and wondered if they would really deliver what they were promising but after watching the first episode, see how much thought was put into the script, the acting, the setting, the delivery, the soundtrack, the pacing, everything, I can only praise their work and be really excited to see what’s next in store. It’s not easy to make a god criticism of an industry you are part of but the WOY team managed to give us exactly what they said they would: the ugly and unglittered side of the acting industry, as raw as they could do, while still being artistic about it.

10/10. Definitely recommend.

                           =================================

 Now that I took the main bulk of the episode out of the way, I feel like I need to talk about the thing that rented a triplex in my mind and is living in rent free since yesterday, that is the relationship between NottPun. I think is very clear that in almost 10 pages on Word, I rarely mentioned about their sexual relationship or anything adjacent, simply because the episode itself does not focus that much in that aspect, choosing to highlight the jealousy, the competition, the pressure and the harassment that exists in this industry. However, I could not, in good faith, not mention that, not when there is so much in the little details that say more that they are explicitly showing to us.

Is PuthKaeng all over again, guys, I swear to god.

Before I begin, I want to make something very clear, to make sure we are all on the same foot here: NottPun have sex on a regular basis and Nott have feeling for Pun. This is not me reading too much into things, wishful thinking or pretending to see something that’s not there, this is me stating facts and being backed up by the characters themselves and the in-dialogue.

Going into them having sex on a regular basis theory, the first confirmation to that idea is when they meet and Pun complaints to Nott that he was late, getting a “I need to relax myself, I can’t just standby for you all the time” as an answer. The way he said that made me conclude that it is normal for Pun to ask Nott for sex and that Nott usually has free time to do that but he can’t just wait for Pun to be in the mood or only be available to service Pun, he also has his own needs, at his own time, needs that need to be satisfied, just like Pun satisfies his needs with Nott.

The second confirmation to that idea is the room they use to meet up and how organized everything seemed to be. Them going to the hotel in different times but still one after another, Nott going in first to get the room key and wait for Pun, the little sign Nott used when he saw Pun (touching his hat) and the fact that Pun went straight for the room (a little side note here, because this just popped into my head and I need to share. As nothing in this episode is random, I ended up searching for the meaning of the number of the room they meet, and the result I got was that the number 701 is all about personal power, divine assistance, new beginnings, inner wisdom and spiritual awakening. The bolded words are my doing; I leave you guys to figure out how that could relate to NottPun), with an easiness can only be attributed to an action that you do with some regularity, like muscle memory.

The third confirmation is actually two-fold, and this is where things get a little interesting:

1 - Before they went to the hotel, Pun asked Nott if the fact that the new season of their series would have so many NC scenes didn’t bothered him, so Nott answered with a simple “is just sex”, making Pun say that “is not sex, is acting”, prompting a weird expression to appear on Nott’s face, as if he was not expecting that adamant answer from Pun. The fact that Pun felt the need to make that distinction could be boiled down to the fact that he didn’t want to Nott to mix up things and end up treating what they do during the shooting for the series as an extension of what they do off-cam, i.e. them making out on their free time was not the same as they “making out” during the shooting.

2 – Inside their secret room, Nott asks Pun if what they are doing or about to do is “sex or just acting”, like he was challenging Pun to say something specific. While he was asking that, he kept caressing Pun’s ear and the way he smiled and seemed pleased while doing that makes me think that he knows very well what that action does to Pun (the man really looked like he was on cloud 9 in that moment), meaning that he has done that before enough times to know the results. That action was not a spur of the moment, it was something deliberated, almost like muscle memory.

Remember this: “in ANY MOMENT, Pun swayed away from Nott’s touch and, if I do say so myself, seemed very comfortable having Nott by his side, something that could mean that Nott, in a weird sense, is some sort of safe place for Pun (more about this later)”? Now is later, so let me talk about this.

My idea of Nott being some sort of safe place for Pun can be backed up by two particular situations, and both of them were kind of intimate. The first one is after they did what they went to that room to do, while Pun is sleeping. The way he hugs Nott, the way he rubs his face on Nott’s chest, the way he leans closer to Nott while making little satisfied noises is behavior of someone who’s very comfortable enough to be vulnerable on his sleep, with another person lying down next to them. And Nott was eating that clingy Pun, hugging him back, pulling Pun closed, smiling and then recording a story to post on his private IG account.

The second one is when they are shooting one of their NC scenes (the same one Pun’s manager skipped the queue for) and Pun seems to be a bit too stiff during their kiss, something that Nott noticed right away. While I’m debating myself between whether Pun being stiff is something that the character he was playing of him himself was stiff for some reason, what I want to point out here is the fact that Nott caressed Pun’s ear and, no joke, immediately Pun just relaxed his body and became more receptive for the kiss; the fact that they played the scene where Nott did the same in the hotel room while the current action was happening during the shooting was supposed to make a connection and say something: that something being that that specific action have a deeper meaning than just be a part of foreplay, it can also be used to make Pun more relaxed and less tense in situations where he could usually feel like that, like for example being touched.

It is like Nott touching Pun’s ear was a way of him saying that he would not hurt him or do more that he was allowed to. Their secret code; and the implications of that become even deeper when you put into account that Nott have feelings for Pun, because yes, he does, and I also have proofs of this to back it up.

The first one is when Nott is recording the story and Pun tells him to delete it. Nott, as an excuse, asks “if he deletes it, what will he watch when he misses Pun?” and then proceeds to kiss Pun. I don’t know the etiquette on how to act around casual sex partners but I’m almost sure that saying that you need a video to watch when you miss that person is not exactly what we would consider normal behavior in those situations. And while one could argue that he meant that in a sexual way, I can counter-argue without issue.

The second one, still while they are in the room, happens when Pun takes the phone from Nott’s hands, scrolls through his IG stories and stop on a picture of Nott with somebody else, probably the person that “relieved” Nott’s stress before he went to meet up with Pun, and asks “is this the business you told me about?”. Nott then answer with a “it’s just temporary business, it’s not as ‘serious’ as the next story”, referring to a picture he took of him and Pun together. His choice of words were intentional, with him basically saying that, no matter who he sleeps with, Pun will always be more important.

Adding to that, something that may slip during the viewing, mostly because the messages were not translated, is the fact that Pun sent a text message asking if Nott was busy and to meet him and Nott, despite saying that he could not be on standby for Pun all the time, ditched the person that was with him and went to see Pun. I repeat, Nott, the same person who basically said that couldn’t just be on beck and call for Pun, did exactly that when Pun asked if he was free, something that he was not. Do with that information what you will.

The third and final proof is actually on the trailer for this first story and also the teaser for the next episode. In the trailer, when Pun asks Nott why “he service (makes fanservice) that hard?”, Nott says that “he cares about Pun, admire him and that everything he does, it is all him”, and in the teaser for the second episode we have a complement of that last sentence, where Nott also asks “what service is Pun talking about?”, basically saying that everything he does for Pun, sexual or not, in front of fans or not, simple or not, is because he wants to do it, not because he feels obligated to do it. Nott could’ve outright confessed his feelings for Pun, it would be the same thing.

(And don’t get me started on the crazy idea that Nott is not exactly sleeping with other people but only making it seem like just to try to make it look like he has other options and it’s not sticking only to Pun. I swear to god, I’m more smart and objective than this).

There is so much more I’m sure I missed in this episode and each time I rewatch it, I always end up discovering something new, this is how very well layered this episode is. The more you watch, the more secrets you find out, your interpretations of certain things change and your perception is expanded, and I can’t wait for next week and the episode that will talk about how we analyze the relationship between actors based on social media interactions and how the misuse of fanservice can create more troubles than it’s worth. And you guys can bet I will be here again, talking about that.

[kkyujikoo]

These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.

Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.

I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.

So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?

Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?

Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.

You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.

Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.

No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.

Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.

And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)

But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.

Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?

Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.

Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.

Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.

Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.

I applaud you, people on the editing team.

So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.

Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?

Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.

Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭

I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.

But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?

[calliecat93]

ooh spones?

Can do~! This is for TOS Spones since that’s the one I’m mostly invested in.

when I started shipping it if I did: It’s REALLY weird. I started shipping it fairly early on... but I guess I didn’t fully commit or was in denial because there were multiple times I went ‘...OMG I think I ship them’. I know that by the time I finished the show and especially after watching All Our Yesterdays that I knew I had reached the point of no return. Over two months later and I’m still loving it~

my thoughts: They have such a great, multi-layered dynamic. If you didn’t know them, it’s se easy to think that they hate each other to the point that Bread and Circuses outright asked if they were enemies. The episode not only answere that question (no), but showed just how much they truly care for and understand each other in ways that even they seem surprised by. Spock breaks the rukes to save McCoy’s life, and McCoy effectivly tears down Spock’s denial of emotions like he knew him all his life. It’s like that throughout the entire series. They’re constantly with each other, seek the other out, and are very clealry concerned when the other is in distress. They’ll be bickering the one minute, then ready to ste up for each kther the next. Theres so much to their relationship and it took me by surprise how much there was since all I ever heard about was how amazing Spirk was (I love them too but it’s NOT the only relationship in the show and is majorly neglectful to McCoy’s importance to both lf them) and how McCoy and Spock argued all the time. Lesson here: watch the shlw and don’t listen to only what pop culture likes to remember. Otherwise, you may miss out on something spectacular.

What makes me happy about them: Pretty much what I said above. Honestly, they just feel so... complete to me. They balance each other out really well. They’re both intelligent men who put a hreat deal of care into what they do and they are so much more alike than they may ever want to admit. It feels so different than how they are with Kirk or anyone else. They’re very much equals and wherever they differ, the other fills the missing pieces. They’re like yin and yang, they are opposite, but one cannot exist without the other. They constrast yet compliment each other very well and they push each other in ways that no one else can. It’s just so good~

What makes me sad about them: Eventually, it’s gonna reach a sad end. Either Spock gets sent to AOS and McCkoy is left alone in his old age to wait until he dies, or McCoy dies before then from most likely natural causes and Spock is left alone until sent to AOS, where he’ll die a few short years later. Death happens but either way, they won’t be together in the end. If an afterlife exists in ST, hopefully they’ll be together again then...

things done in fanfic that annoys me: This isn’t just a fanfic thing. It annoys me when people protray McCoy as an unlikeable xenophobe and Spock an innocent angel who did nothing wrong. I get why and how some of McCoy’s jabs can be taken the wrong way to a modern audience that causes them to feel like Spock is being descriminated against. But it’s such a paper thin reading if them both as characters and of their relationship. McCoy can go too far, but he knows his boundaries, recognizes when he goes too far, and does his damnest to care for everyone, including and maybe especially Kirk and of course Spock. Spock was bullied and has faced horrible prejudice, but he himself holds prejudice against humanity and his logical mindset can make him come across as a cold-hearted jerk at times because he’s just not good at expressing himself emotionally. And yes, the two bicker to various extremes and have differing philosophical beliefs. It’s why they’re so essential to Kirk. But they ARE alike in many ways and frequently support and protect the other when it becomes jecessary. I highly doubt that McCoy knocked Spock out to kee him from being tortured in The Empath for no reason. That scene alone should cease any ‘Spock and McCoy hate each other’ arguments. I can’t force people to change their opinions and to an extent I do understand. I’m not even saying ship it, everyone has their own tastes. But I also wish that some would be a bit more willing to look a bit more in depth at the two and their dynamic because there’s so much more than what’s on the surface.

things I look for in fanfic: Eh, nothing in particular. As long as it’s mostly IC and has some nice shippy content as far as Spones fics go, I’m happy~

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Kirk for either of them, or we just go with McSpirk XD

My happily ever after for them: Somehow they get reunited during AOS and remain together until they reapectivly pass. Or they die at the same time and are reunited in the plausible afterlife. But otherwise, I just want them to be happy together flr hkwever long they have. Oh and we pretend that Generations didn’t happen and Kirk is still there as well.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Switches depending on things, but at least at the start I think McCoy would big spoon until Spock was more okay expressing physical affection like that.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Vulcan style finger kissing. That counts right?

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “Humor.”

Good morning everyone! Decided to write something nice and short today because I know a lot of you are here for that. I haven’t done it in a while, so I hope you appreciate my return :) 

Scene: Dr Krill (an alien with arguably the most experience dealing with humans) is being interviewed on-record during the intergalactic convention of psycho-bio-medical science.                                      

Q: WHat was the hardest thing for you to get used to the first time you stepped aboard a human ship?

A: To ask that question I would have to tell you about practically everything that happened to me while I was there. Living with humans is hard, and strange if you aren’t human. Everything about them is strange, and more complicated than it needs to be. For the longest time I had trouble keeping up with their communication.

Q: I was told that human communication is relatively simple.

A: Whoever told you that has never met a human, when humans speak they use oth verbal and body language to demonstrate their point, and worse than tha, they intentionally use irony, hyperbole, sarcasm and humor to communicate what they are saying.

Q: What is ... humor.

A: “\Now, as the humans would say sit back and rela because you just opened a massive can of worms.

Q What

A Exactly, human communication doesn’t make sense unless you spend time with them. You practically have to BECOME human to understand anything that’s going on. As for the case of humor, it is very complicated, and I still don’t quite understand it. I have experienced the phenomenon of humor in a way I don’t think is possible for many of my species. I’ve tried to explain it before, but it’s Ike explaining the color blue to a creature who seems primarily in infrared, they just won;t get it.

Q can you try?

A Of course I will. Humor is the appreciation of a specific situation or turn of phrase, but even that is completely inadequate to explain what humor is. It’s a….. primarily social, but not always, experience that is designed to help a group of humans empathizes, connect, or diffuse a situation. It is very important to be able to see the humor when with a group of humans because it will strengthen a social bond between you and them.

Q Can we have some examples.

A Well…. this could potentially be a long list so forgive me if I ramble on.

Humans have these things called jokes, sometimes they are stories and sometimes they are clever word play. The story joke generally begins with something that seems normal or at least plausible but the ... punch line (as the humans call it) is designed to be absurd, exaggerated or unexpected. For example you have three humans stranded on an island, one has dark hair, one has red hair, one has yellow hair. They dark hair human gets tired of this, and tries to swim back to the mainland, halfway across she drowns. Eventually the red hair human gets tired of being on the island and tries to swim as well, but she drowns halfway there. Finally the light hair human decides to try. She gets halfway to her destination, gets tired and swims back.

Q And what makes that funny. Two humans died.

A It’s funny because the last human got halfway there and swam back implying she could have made it all the way to the mainland but was too dumb to do so. Exaggerated lack of intelligence, and an absurd situation.

In the case of word play you can say something like: what do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot. ONe of those is a creature with many legs, and the other one is a bird capable of mimicking speech. THe answer is a walk-in-talkie, a type of short-wave handheld radio.

Q I don’t get it.

A I wouldn’t expect you to. It requires a very in-depth knowledge of human history and culture. Some other things that can be considered funny to a human include.

Non-human things trying to do human things, and this includes animals exhibiting human behavior. HUmans find it very funny when less intelligent creatures exhibit human behavior. THese can include strange un-animal noises and even an animal trying to do something that normally only humans do

This rule also applies to their own offspring. A small human attempting to do something above their capabilities, like speak or, even, attempt a skill is greatly amusing to humans.

Sometimes the jokes that humans use don’t even involve irony, but are designed the annoy the person they are targeted at. In this case the targeted human might expect the answer to be clever, but instead get something that is either obvious or really stupid. In this case what is funny is not the joke itself, but the reaction to the joke. Sometimes these are called anti jokes and are specifically designed to be funny by way of not being very funny.

Q Can you demonstrate that to us?

A Yes of course.

What is big, red and bad for your teeth.

Q I don’t know, what?

A A brick

Q Well….. yes I suppose.

A You see it's funny because not only is it obvious, but it also implies that someone threw a brick at someone else’s face.

Q Humans consider other people’s pain entertaining?

A OH yes, very much. This gives rise to two types of humor. Watching others get hurt and the dark humor.

Dark human involves saying something gruesome or wildly inappropriate. I am under the impression it is a way to test how socially close a group of people is. Because if you are with an unfamiliar group of people you don’t know how they will react to a potentially offensive or dark joke, and so may not use one. If a human deployed one, they may be gaging the reaction of those around them. I would say that, on average, humans have a lot of very dark thoughts, and the knowledge that other humans also have dark thoughts brings them more socially close. IF you can make a dark joke around a human that implies than you can say other inflammatory things without getting into trouble. As I was saying humans have a lot of dark and sometimes aggressive thoughts, and the ability to vent and share them is very important for mental health, but they need to make sure they find a proper group to confide in.

An example would be: what is the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truck load of dead babies….. you cannot unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork

Q: That…… is…. disturbing.

A: It’s a little bit funny

On the other hand, watching other people get hurt is a complicated type of humor.

It may be funny because the other person was doing something stupid, or against the rules, and it is entertaining to see them get what was coming to them. Humans like justice.

Sometimes it is designed as a way for humans to empathize with another being. Seeing someone get hurt wincing and then laughing about it is a way of saying I feel your pain, but I’m glad it’s not me.

Of course there is the humor that involves laughing at someone you genuinely hate who got hurt. IN this case you have always desired to hit that person, but it is not socially acceptable, but watching them get hurt by something else causes a sort of….. release of tension and anger.

Sometimes humans watch just to make themselves feel better that they aren’t in that situation or their life isn’t that bad.

In large groups, this is a way for humans to practice empathy and also socially bond with those round them

Q You said earlier that it was an important tool in defusing situations…. how does that work.

A Well that its a very good question and it comes with, what I think is the most interesting aspect of human humor.

IF you’re with your friends, and one of them runs face first into a pole, you may think it is funny, but it’s only funny if the person isn’t hurt, or a couple days after the incident when the person is fine. In both cases it is a way to demonstrate relief or test to see if the other person is ok. It can even be used to let others know that you're ok.

Human history is filled with some of the greatest and most horrible tragedies imaginable, and for every one of them you will be able to find jokes. Studies have shown that the use of humor is a proper and helpful outlet to the emotions that come with tragedy. You may hear a human say that there were only two options in a situation “It was either laugh or cry.” Both include the release of emotion which can be cathartic.

Assume there is a tense meeting between group of humans Violence is about to break out, but someone makes a joke. The atmosphere is diffused and social bonding occurs allowing the humans to be less hostile towards each other, and probably get something done.

In cases of humans who have experienced past trauma, I find that the healthiest, mentally healthiest, humans have a habit of making fun of the trauma. In many cases it helps them to cope with what happened and serves as a sign to let others know that they are doing ok.

Q And there are other types of humor as well?

A If I were to talk about all of them, we would be here all day. I think the important takeaway from this is that humans use humor  primarily for reasons of social bonding. If a human thinks you are funny they are more likely to like you and more likely to be your friend. Even in human relationships, the funnier you are the more likely you are to find a mate, so to anyone planning to spend time with humans, I would recommend putting a great amount of focus and study into their humorous.

[movie-robotnik-positivity]

HEEEELLO, MY FRIENDS! TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY!!!

This, clearly very smart person, has written something that could technically be called a “review” or the Sonic Movie! (reading not reccomended)

And at the end, they share their very competent

Please, lose your braincells with me as we attempt to answer them all!!!

1. Why is Sonic raised by a Large Owl named Long Claw? Did she marry a Large Hedgehog and give birth to Sonic? Is he part Owl?

The Sonic Movie novelization explains that Longclaw is NOT Sonic’s biological mother. Not that reading the novelization is required to understand that very obvious fact.

2. Who named him “Sonic?” Since his mother is named Long Claw shouldn’t Sonic have a name that somehow correlates with his appearance, like Small Nose?

Maybe Longclaw knew Sonic’s parents? Even if she had been the one to name him, I don’t know she’d give him a similar name to hers.

3. The town in the film is called Green Hill Zone. Does this imply that all the places in the Sonic movie are named after Sonic levels?

First of all, it’s called “Green Hills”, which is a much more believable name for a small town to have. As for the second, maybe? There’s this:

(not sure why this questions matters though...)

4. Why do people call Sonic a “Hedgehog?” If he’s an alien, shouldn’t he have an alien name that doesn’t have its roots in Earth-dwelling species?

Because Sonic calls himself a hedgehog, it’s unknown if he simply came to that conclusion by seeing the similarities or his species call themselves hedgehogs the same way echidnas call themselves echidnas.

5. Sonic is fast enough to play baseball against himself. This may make sense for baseball–but how does this logic work when he acts as his own therapist in the film? Does he process trauma differently because he runs so fast?

...what?

6. When Sonic runs too fast while playing baseball, he shuts down the power on almost the entire western half of America. Wouldn’t this loss of electricity cause major pandemonium all over the country and around the world?

The blackout problem could have been resolved not long after, pretty sure there are protocols and stuff. You act like they didn’t hold a meeting in the Pentagon about this.

7. Shouldn’t Sonic be deafeningly loud since he is constantly breaking the sound barrier?

I...don’t know? You might be reading a little too deeply into the powers of a super fast blue hedgehog kid.

8. Sonic learns to drive by reading the manual of James Marsden’s truck. But do car manuals even actually teach you how to operate an automobile?

That sounds plausible to me? He wasn’t even able to differenciate between the brakes and the accelerator so maybe he was messing around.

9. When Sonic and James Marsden enter the roadside bar, a patron says “We don’t like your kind here.” What kind? Blue alien hedgehogs? Have they seen those before?

This one annoys me a lot.....INMEDIATELY afterwards Sonic asks the guy “What kind is that?” to which he replies with “hipsters”

10. Sonic disguises himself in the movie as a cowboy. At the bar, patrons think he is a small child. Do children in the Sonic movie universe normally appear like feral anthropomorphized critters?

The waitress is confused about Sonic’s appearance, even asking if the child has some sort of face paint on. Tom has to invent that weird genetic condition so no one suspects.

11. Why does James Marsden’s fiancee’s sister hate him so much? He seems like a nice, caring person!

Sometimes it be that way, dude. Do you need to know? It’s just funny.

12. How did Sonic find a pair of sneakers that can withstand legs that move as fast as the speed of light?

I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration, and you saw the state his old sneakers were in, as well as the amount of worn out shoes he has in his cave.

13. Where did Sonic learn to read, communicate with humans, use nunchucks, and floss?

Ten years is a very long time, and he has spent them observing human pop culture through movies and comic books.

14. If Sonic is this fast, can’t he just stop Dr. Robotnik by running into his drone machine and destroying everything before Robotnik can even react?

Didn’t you pay attention? When Robotnik pressed the button on his ship, using the quill’s energy, he became almost as fast as Sonic.

15. The mushroom planet that the film keeps referring–is that a dig on the Mario Bros’ Mushroom kingdom?

Could be, but it’s more likely a reference to Mushroom Hill Zone from Sonic & Knuckles.

16. What happened to James Marsden’s career that led him to take third billing in the Sonic movie?

Fuck you.

17. Has anyone on the Sonic movie writing team ever played a Sonic game?

Obviously. Fuck you.

18. Why didn’t Paramount just allow the visual effects artists enough time to actually make Sonic look good?

The first design wasn’t incomplete, it was just a completely different aproach, with the realism being pushed by the studio.

19. What do people like about this movie?

I like how it portrays Sonic and gives him emotional complexity like we’ve never seen before. I also thinks it’s a really good movie in general, with talented actors (including Jim Carrey himself) who put their all in their performances, really great commedy and action as well as heartfelt moments. It makes the character and the franchises justice in more ways than one.

20. How did this movie turn out to be worse than Cats?

Again, fuck you.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [Okay, so coach ride to the school trip moment, JJ sat together 'cos who else are you gonna sit next to tbh, all the flat whites are here and we're making Grace feel like crap in all the ways, starting with having a loud, extra phone call with Pablo rn and making Grace hear and look at all this on facetime, but literally the whole bus is bearing witness, have you no shame Mia] Jimmy: [I like to think Ella and Asia are sitting together and Ella wants to die cos Asia's so dumb and Hollie's just on her phone watching tiktoks or whatever living her best life] Janis: [a mood but not at all, lmao] Janis: [okay, so my vague idea of something JJ can do to take attention away from Mia, piss her off, but without everyone else being as anti-them as they are anti-her rn, is for Janis to text Grace like come here for a sec, but that confuses Grace (obvs) so then Janis gets up and is like I NEED TO TALK TO YOU so she gets Grace out of this hell but also Mia will be PISSED she has, let's say there's a free seat in front of JJ or whatever where they can sit and then have a whisper sesh where we pretend we're talking about Jimmy but in actuality, we're not saying much beyond, you're welcome and, go along with it] Janis: [then once this has happened, all the flat whites will be 👀 WHAT DID SHE SAY etc, and THEN JJ can be couply cute like snuggling etc now they know they're looking] Jimmy: [I stan your mind boo] Janis: [so, Mia has been pissing us all off for time but it's when she's like, forcibly trying to get Grace to talk to Pablo, Janis visibly stiffens and is like, nah] Janis: If you do me a favour right now, I'll do you two Jimmy: Alright Janis: [inact this Grace moment for a plausible amount of time for a girly chat you simply NEED to have RIGHT NOW so sorry Mia, that's probably 10-15 minutes at least you two have to sit together and talk so, if you wanna, you can be Grace for a sec and we can '-' or we can just say roughly what they'd find to talk about lol it might be amusing potentially] Jimmy changed name to Grace Janis: [after the text, coming over with such a clearly but purposely fake apologetic face like oop sorry to barge in on this phone conversation you're having so publicly 'Grace, can I borrow you for a sec?' with a kind of serious but also excited tone, like, the just-NEED-to-talk-about-this-NOW vibe] Grace: [Grace just like 'oh yeah, sure, babes' in a tone that's lowkey like anything for you anytime because 1. it'll annoy Mia 2. she literally would die for Janis and we know it, making her body language and face as excited but serious like she respects this TRUST, fuck you Mia, before throwing an apologetic look at Mia as they go so she knows it's a deliberate afterthought] Janis: [smiling at Jimmy as you sit back down, opposite/in front of him, which she doesn't smile a lot at school/ever obvs so that itself would be so strange, everything from this point essentially in a whisper/no more than a murmur so no one else can hear, which is fine 'cos object of your affection is RIGHT THERE so everyone understands the vibe without needing to hear anything 'she's a cunt' gritted teeth 'cos we're fuming about this phonecall shenanigan but then switching to a #conspiratorial 😏 look, peeping at him between the seats as if to really drive that home 'i'm gonna shit in her bed' with a grin] Grace: [so effortlessly following this that would be concerning except that we know she's living a fake life every day so it's just standard to her by this point which hurts my heart but okay Gracie 'so is he' because she's having some emotions herself about the Pablo and dad situation but we can't let them show 'totally a match made in hell' holds her face/fans it like whatever Janis is saying is making her blush and giving her like an OMG look before likewise peeping at poor Jimothy but deliberately less subtly because everyone expects her to be that bitch/the friend who turns around when you tell 'em not to 'IOU if you need a lookout or whatever, but I'd hate to tread on barista boy's toes so' looks at him again and smiles herself] Janis: [nodding, really to agree with that sentiment, but making it look as if she's admitting to something like okay, you got me and hiding her own face in her hands like we're so 🤭 'hope he knocks up Asia' when you've said it just to be a bitch and because you're angry but the obvious parallel to what Caleb and Drew actually did to Ali and Carly does not escape you so you shake your head now and then lean in further, saying 'WELL-' at a louder, potentially overhearable volume, as if you're about to spill the ACTUAL tea 'nah, don't worry about it, long as she gets hers'] Grace: [when you sigh because you're so sad and over everything tbh and the reminder of both deadbeat dads doesn't help but you turn it into an excited gasp before it's even out of your mouth properly because that's something you're used to with all these shit lads, likewise the fake facial expressions are so on point as you pretend you're getting that tea and say something loud like OMG because you're obvs so excited you can't help it and do a fake look around like oh I hope nobody heard that 'he's already given her an STI, but you obviously didn't hear that from me' spills actually tea because we're sad and mad rn like] Janis: [giving her a half-genuine smile/look of appreciation that gets overtaken by an OTT 😍 one about your current situation before you'd barely have chance to clock it, giving her the expected playful-slap-on-the-arm like what are you like? at least you can use the actual snort at this news to pretend you're so amused about anything but Mia getting the clap 'very romantic' letting your voice raise again on any word that would help sell your story, actually covertly looking over to the flat whites 'she's hung up now, of course' 'cos what's the point if you can't torture Grace] Grace: [when you're doing a whole apology moment loud enough to be heard by Mia cos will annoy her because you never apologise to her sincerely but also as your chance to actually be like I'm so sorry that our lives are like this and we don't talk anymore because all this comes out when you're drunk but before jj fake date when are you two ever at the same parties, you just aren't and you're having enough emotions to accidentally go there 'he's literally such a dark horse, I can't even' looking at Jimmy and again loud enough to be heard even though you're shading Pablo and Mia because duh, doesn't look over at the gals cos she doesn't need to, we know the drill by now 'duh' but her voice is like a dead version of her real one and thus in such a whisper because the most genuine thing she's said lowkey in forever 'he doesn't care how her day's going and what can she say anyway' cos we all know he only wants to hook up and her life is boring and basic] Janis: [when you can shh her because not that deep and we're so close and sisterly rn but it really 'cos this makes you so uncomfortable like stop 'I know' when you have to force the enthusiasm into your voice on that one 'cos we all know Pablo is an unavoidable dickhead even before this and you're grieving too rn boy but still, Mia, of all people, ew, 'I can't believe it' when your overall demeanor and tone projects that you feel so #blessed but the reality of the words is literally the opposite 'daddy issues, right' clutching your hand to your chest like you're talking about something SO cute he did but the 'awh, bless' is all for that tragic hoe] Grace: ['same' and likewise your tone is the opposite as it also is when you nod in agreement to the daddy issues comment cos that hits close to home obvs 'this trip is gonna be so' loud enough that people can hear that too even though you also mean that in a please kill me way not a I really ship JJ way] Janis: ['Yeah...' and a sigh that is SO wistful and not at all exasperated at all the shit Mia can and will try to pull, going back to the #conspiratorial 😏 look 'I've got plans' and winking 'cos have, getting up like better get back to it 🤭 and giving her a one-armed hug as you stand to go, purely as a fuck you ladies, turning back like oh! just remembered and handing her your phone 'downloaded that album you wanted to listen to' at normal volume, so she has an excuse to stay put and put headphones on] Grace: [making your own song and dance of forgetting something too purely because you're dying over the hug like I'm so dumb I'd forget my weave if it wasn't glued in and passing her something between the seats once she's sat back down with Jimboy, honestly fuck knows what it even is but it'd drive everyone crazy trying to guess] Grace changed name to Jimmy Janis: [gonna lowkey need that phone back but it can easily be passed back via the seats so that's no issue, just not looking at him yet 'cos can't 'cos that was so OTT for you (obvs) but you can have a bit of 😳 before you commit to this part of it] Jimmy: [playfully nudges her and passes her his phone (oh the trust ladies) and takes a headphone leaving her one cos as far as everyone knows Grace has hers and he knows everyone is looking at them and what is going on and that's his way of telling her he's keeping up with it] Janis: [when you a mvp, nudging him back and it means far too much to be decipherable like sorry, thanks and more all in one gesture, leaning in figuratively and literally for this headphone moment, which makes resting your head on his shoulder that much easier] Jimmy: [we know he's softly playing with her hair for the first time ever because we can pretend he's playing along but really he's wanted to do that since day 1 baby] Janis: [when you do put some music on so you can have some vague distraction but you put it on pretty quiet, so you could still whisper to each other 'alright?' like, asking if he is, if that was, if this is, again, too many potential ways to mean that] Jimmy: [when you just say yeah at a normal volume because use that to your advantage] Janis: ['yeah?' back in what can only be described as low-key saucy, like oh really vibes but like, oh really lol] Jimmy: [gives her the first LOOK ever and nods because we can both play this game gal] Janis: [when the fact that that shook you works to your advantage so you don't have to worry, turning this into more of a snug than it was, putting your arms around his waist and loudly whispering 'I'll make it up to you' 'cos gonna pay off that debt but take that as you will people] Jimmy: [when you can just be 😏 cos it works but you're wondering how she reckons she'll do that and you know she knows that] Janis: [okay, using his phone to type back and forth 'cos that'll look cute and keep up the lie] Janis: how does she look Janis: scale 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: 😡😡😡 Janis: not bad Jimmy: but will it do? Janis: got three days to 🤯 Jimmy: if you need 'em Janis: that a challenge? Jimmy: does it sound like one? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: [takes her hand to write ok on it because it looks like they're holding hands so challenge accepted vibes] Janis: 🦐 is 😢 Jimmy: duh he's got resting 🦐 face Janis: [loling 'cos hohoho so funny babe but part of that was genuine] Jimmy: [when you gotta give OTT 😍 cos she's got a cute laugh] Janis: do I need to put 🤢 on the scale Janis: or is that purely 💀#1 💀#2 Jimmy: they would reckon that's #ultimategoals Jimmy: a lad who triggers their gag reflex Janis: 🤮💘 Janis: GROSS Jimmy: [little lol] Janis: [😍 for the fans] Jimmy: [don't think about how bad you wanna kiss her boy, you can't risk being the new Mia of this coach] Janis: [you gonna have to chill but it won't be that much of a journey wherever you're going so don't worry lads, in fact, close your eyes and pretend you gonna have a lil nap on him] Jimmy: [just doodling on her with your fingertip really softly I like to imagine he's drawing out the scale] Janis: [love that, we must skip though] Jimmy: [so okay, activity time, we having Grace on JJ's team cos suck a dick Mia and a boy she can flirt with, then some random] Janis: [it should be a girl Mia has beef with, for some ridiculous reason, like bitch has deffo not done anything lol] Jimmy: [yasssssss I love that] Janis: [yo y'all better win or at least beat her team] Jimmy: [wouldn't be hard to beat her or loads of the others even if they don't win but ngl I'd love it if you did] Janis: [do it we're writing it fight us they're competitive and they're dying 💀#1 💀#2 so bye] Jimmy: [fuck it nobody would be expecting any of yall to win or care so I'm about it] Janis: [hohaha start as you mean to go on tbh] Jimmy: where on the scale now? Janis: 🤬 Janis: definitely heard her name followed by bitch Janis: my review even less favourable Jimmy: [picks her up and spins her round like he's so buzzing they won] Jimmy: that'll help Janis: don't put your back out Jimmy: I ain't as old as I look Janis: [😏] Janis: that's what they all say Jimmy: you been to catholic school, girl? Jimmy: I get why they all wanna crack onto you now Janis: rude you didn't get it before Jimmy: wouldn't wanna make your head any bigger Jimmy: touch and go picking you up as it were Janis: not my fault you're short and I ain't 💀 Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: no need to 🤬 Janis: we 🏆🥇 Jimmy: What you trying to make me 😭 for then? Janis: awh, babes Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hmu when you wanna make a cracking bridge again then Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: 😎🔥 Janis: I get it, IOU rn Janis: 💭 on Jimmy: I have had the one Janis: yeah? Jimmy: this is working, yeah? Jimmy: shes at 🤬 you said Janis: it's making this trip worthwhile, yeah Jimmy: nowt to do but crack on with making it more worthwhile Jimmy: neither of us can move for 'better' offers, can we? Janis: Literally gonna rip out my own 👀 or everyone else's if they don't calm it down with the sexts Janis: so, you wanna 🤯? Jimmy: want is a bit strong Jimmy: but if we're pissing about performing for her, might as well clear our DMs of dickheads while we're at it Janis: yeah, it makes sense Janis: may as well use it to our advantage any way we can Jimmy: while we're stuck here doing this bollocks at least Janis: kills time, keeps us from killing anyone Janis: I'm down Jimmy: Alright Janis: how are we gonna do this then Janis: like, exactly Jimmy: How do you wanna do it? Janis: We'll have to go some for people to calm down, obviously Janis: people have no problem being hoes Jimmy: I know Janis: so like, full 😍 then Janis: ? Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: won't be that hard, people have no problem believing we're #fated either if all those likes are owt to go by Janis: they're idiots and I'm well convincing Jimmy: yeah alright, Julie, I'll collect your oscar for you on my way out 'cause it won't be for long either Jimmy: I'll piss off soon and no dickhead's expecting us to keep going at being that starcrossed Janis: 'course not Janis: they'll forget about you in a week or two Janis: makes sense for this trip, as you said Janis: everyone's tryna get off with each other and it gets both of us an easy out Jimmy: mine or yours tonight then, my dear? Janis: I'll come to yours Janis: then Grace can have then over and they can 👀 I ain't in Jimmy: you're on to a real winner today, girl Jimmy: not just a big head Janis: that's the spirit Jimmy: 👻 Janis: specifically no 👻ing Jimmy: What about 🥃? Janis: DUH Janis: you got some? Jimmy: not very #goals to have to bribe you but Jimmy: wouldn't come here empty handed Janis: obviously I've only got eyes for you, Casper Janis: oh, who are you rooming with? Jimmy: Dunno, man bun, deepest of v neck t-shirts? Jimmy: only got eyes for his vape Janis: oh Janis: yep, I know who you mean Janis: 🎨 description Jimmy: ain't saying I could be an undercover 👮 or one of their informants but if Mia's dad goes down I will take the 🏆 Janis: 🐀boy can be your new name Jimmy: tah, sweetheart 💕 Janis: yeah, well couple goals that Jimmy: that'll be why I propositioned you Janis: is propositioned a sexy word? Janis: it sounds a bit 👮 report Jimmy: Busted, I'm 45 and faking being a real #lad an' all, the 😎 hide my crows feet Jimmy: can't have any secrets between us, like Janis: gotcha Janis: makes sense why Mia is 🤤 Jimmy: and sir Janis: you wish Janis: devvo he ain't here Jimmy: alright, put down the 🧂 babe, you'll give me a heart attack Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah secretly so jealous of our fat, balding 🤓 of a teacher Jimmy: DUH Janis: 💁 Jimmy: while we're chucking tea about, I weren't on that teen soap, so warn us if you're gonna show up to my door naked Janis: not my plan Janis: reckon we can scandalize without going there Janis: soap and romcom tropes would be our friend though so let us down there Jimmy: soz, I were #blessed with the accent and the IQ for that bollocks but none of the emotional range Janis: leave off Janis: your 😍 were solid Jimmy: save the compliments til my room's full of dickheads to overhear Janis: just don't mention the part where I fake it like a pro Janis: not an idiot Jimmy: easy to say you take it like a pro instead Jimmy: nowt to worry about Janis: lovely Janis: are we fucking or are we 💘 Janis: important distinction Jimmy: reckon we can have it all, Juliet Janis: alright Jimmy: I know it ain't just for 💀👑 now but nowt'll piss her off more Janis: right, she's incapable of any of the finer human emotions Janis: oh, her boyfriend gave her an STI Jimmy: lovely, that Jimmy: which one? Janis: which boyfriend or which STI, yeah Janis: the one I'm related to, by all accounts Janis: 🤞 chlamydia so I don't need to cuntpunt her Jimmy: sounds a bit like the name of a kid fiddling island her dad does his business lunches on Jimmy: works on loads of levels Janis: 😏 Janis: he will be SO proud Janis: though, probably casually racist which is what makes him the ideal candidate for a boyfriend Jimmy: 🤞 his secretary ain't related to me if her dad's caught it off her Jimmy: turned down that teen soap for a reason Janis: 😱 Janis: goes all the way to the top Jimmy: 🏆🥇 Janis: was slightly concerned you were saying you fuck your cousins or something but as I only need to fake touch you Janis: you do you Jimmy: I ain't got any cousins, soz if that's pissed on your ultimate kink Janis: I'm not fucking 'em, new boy Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you don't vape, do you Jimmy: what kind of fucking question is that? Janis: a valid one 😎boy Janis: 'cos that shit gives me a headache Janis: not gonna sit in your cotton candy cloud Jimmy: you've had a 🚬 with me, dickhead Jimmy: did that taste 🍧🍦🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬 🍫 to you? Janis: might mix your vices Janis: but nah, you're old school 😎 good Jimmy: I can 💀💀💀 buzzing, grinning in my ⚰ over knowing you reckon I'm 👍 Janis: obviously Janis: 🍀 you Jimmy: 🥃 give you a headache an' all, you want a 🍹 instead, Jane? Janis: piss off Janis: 1. offering shit you can't provide unless you've brought mixer and ice with you too 2. being a dickhead Jimmy: 1. someone'll have brought a 🧃 it's a school trip 2. you're being a dickhead Janis: 1. you a barman and all? 2. save it for your roommates, lover boy Jimmy: 1. find out in a bit, won't you 2. I don't have a vape pen, remember, fucked the foreplay right up Janis: your idea of foreplay is worrying Janis: fake or otherwise Jimmy: bit late to spread that about, we're committed to being #goals not what were it Mia said, weird freaks or some bollocks Janis: can tell she's not an artist Janis: words not her strong suit Jimmy: what is? Janis: ♙ Jimmy: if that ain't nerd flirting, I dunno what would be Janis: seeing she can control mindless idiots ain't 😍 Janis: if I wanted to be surrounded by those kind of people, I could do it easier Jimmy: the game though, all that eye contact and pissing about Janis: find us a board and we'll give 'em foreplay then Jimmy: [draws her a pisstakey flirty board] Janis: 😂 Janis: lemme practice not blinking Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: my line Jimmy: Alright, go on Janis: I already said it Jimmy: you wanted the practice Jimmy: have another crack at it Janis: I'll say it when they can hear Jimmy: 🤞 you'll say a bit more than that Jimmy: they're idiots, you already said an' all Janis: idiots need visuals, I'm aware Jimmy: you've got something going on behind them unblinking 👀 I'm aware Janis: 💘 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [skipperoni to showing up in your PJs, a bold move] Jimmy: [when it's a lewk and his jaw hitting the floor isn't fake at all] Janis: [we just pretending we don't even know Oli/anyone else is there, soz boy] Jimmy: [at least he can shamelessly check her out like 🤤 cos they are though] Janis: [we asking for the drink] Jimmy: [thanks for that Ian] Janis: [I hope you're bottom bunk if not enjoy the view everyone whilst you climb up, like] Jimmy: [for that reason alone he has to be top] Janis: ['I was bored without you'] Jimmy: ['you better stay for a bit then' obviously joins her up there because was making a show of looking out to check for teachers and all that nonsense 'at least til you ain't bored'] Janis: ['sounds like a plan' and a LOOK under the pretense they're probably standing about so can see, 'cos y'all ain't gonna be on the bottom bunk together are you] Jimmy: [a LOOK back before you open the bottle for her because gentlemanly not cos you're stalling nope] Janis: ['Slainte' and taking a shot whilst maintaining that ♙ eye contact] Jimmy: [does the thing where he takes the bottle from her but instead of taking a drink he pulls her into him but I'm gonna say that her hair is down so they can't see what he's doing because the truth is nothing yet even though it looks like he's kissing her neck or whatever because he's a good boy and he wants to know it's okay first so a LOOK which is actually an unspoken question lol] Janis: [taking the bottle back and putting it down on top of the wardrobe or whatever in reply like yeah, let's go for it, partly to prove you're down for the plan and not scared and also 'cos you know Oli will get too awks and make them all leave if you actually do anything so it won't have to be a Thing for ages, like] Jimmy: [goes in for the first kiss and it's obviously EVERYTHING goodbye] Janis: [rip you two, it's DEFINITELY continuing after they out the door, even if for a hot sec, you are that blatant, like, just in case they forgot something or whatever] Jimmy: [duh it'd ruin everything if they forgot their vape and came back and you weren't still going] Janis: [just dedicated to the act, alright] Jimmy: [he doesn't know they're related so lowkey surprised they left so fast and of course gutted we know but acting unfazed by having that drink finally] Jimmy: [bit rude cos that makes it seem like you hated it but okay boy] Janis: [not about to bring it up before or after, just hopping down like ta-da and looking at the window so casually] Jimmy: goes to the window and 🚬 out of it cos still offended she asked you if you vape] Janis: [sniffs like she seeing if it's 🍧🍦🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬 🍫 or nah] Jimmy: [blows a smoke ring at her but in a sassy way not a Harley aggressively blowing smoke at Ro back in the day way] Janis: [still wafting it away like we're Mia levels of disgusted but 😏 'cos not] Jimmy: [turning back to the window but obvs amused, we're all 😏 rn] Janis: ['they'll tell everyone, Nathan has a big mouth' looks around the room like 'what are we gonna do for at least 15 minutes, so you don't get THAT rep'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like if Mick Jagger fucked some local lass and weren't feeling the need to shout about it for obvious reasons' looks at the bottle wherever he left that and back at her with a shrug 'fancy a game of chess?']] Janis: [snorts 'we'd all know about it anyway, no one 'round here can keep a secret' follows his eyes with hers and nods 'alright'] Jimmy: [IRL 🤞 and checks his phone we know he's checking on Cass and Bobby but it looks like he's checking if people are saying shit yet so, picks the bottle back up, takes a swing and passes it back to her] Janis: [when a thought #hits and you get your phone and as you're taking your swig you do some searching and put some sex sounds on and put your phone under a pillow to convincingly muffle it and 🤫 at him like speak quiet if you're gonna] Jimmy: [🙄 but also nod because it's a good idea] Janis: [nudges him as she walks back to give him the bottle 'you want me to be -' mimes 🤐 '-or you expect me to sit here and do it myself?' pointing at the phone like no thank you] Jimmy: ['I get it, everyone's so desperate to fuck you or know what it'd be like they've got their ears pressed to the door'] Janis: [shrugs like yes, your point?] Jimmy: [gets back on his bed and gets comfy so she'll have to get on either Ollie's bed below or his if she wants to talk to him cos shh] Janis: [🙄 and a dramatic sigh but fake is sexy but you're 😒] Jimmy: [texting his sister for a while but then his phone is blowing up because people are scandalised so he chucks it at her so she can see] Janis: ['phase one complete' shaking her head as she reads a bit but then chucking it back like a hot 🥔 'probably have to eat dinner at the same table'] Jimmy: [nods but when he's thinking about everyone watching them his own idea hits and it's the lovebites so he gestures for her to come here] Janis: [climbing up this bed again like ugh, excuse me] Jimmy: [I think to think she's as far away as she can be so he's like 'come here' but we whispering of course so it's accidentally hot] Janis: [assumedly, and we are questioning this but we also aren't 'cos we do come closer, obviously] Jimmy: [reaches out and touches her hair, moving it away from her neck and looking at that as yet unbruised skin and we know he's thinking if she has her hair up everyone else will be seeing that too so he looks at her and you know it's meant to be a look like do you see where I'm going with this but it's shamelessly just a LOOK] Janis: [when you automatically bring your hand up to move his away like oi, excuse me but you catch up with this being part of the plan so then you're just holding his hand there 'good thinking' when again, you have to whisper so it all just sounds so much hotter and #intoit than it would if you could just speak but soz, you can't] Jimmy: [looks at her phone under the pillow still playing those saucy sex sounds 'could just google how to fake 'em' cos you know people have blatantly done that but then he's looking at her again and licking his lips and generally being hot af] Janis: [shakes head 'that's more effort' taking the phone and turning them off, like, how suggestive like are you gonna be making the noises now too or what 'meant to make our lives easier, yeah?'] Jimmy: [holds her hair out of the way which is also lowkey hot soz not soz and goes in cos unspoken challenge accepted on getting her to make better noises than that] Janis: [we out here doing the most] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [know we giving him some in the process, only fair, not like we need to] Jimmy: [there's no hiding behind your hair boy and that's the only flimsy excuse we need] Janis: [and we need to be THAT obvious so everyone knows, duh] Jimmy: [like she said, gotta make both of their lives easier not only make one of 'em look swag, very much mutual and both #goals thank you] Janis: [exactly, we're fucking off and over the flat whites and co, not each other] Jimmy: [thank god she turned off the sounds because there's no stopping him from making any and we need to pretend it's OTT fake at this point instead of him being THAT into it already] Janis: ['you're a good actor' 'cos you said you'd say it] Jimmy: ['you're -' we're not finishing that because he hasn't said it loud enough to style it into a fake compliment] Janis: [biting his bottom lip 'cos you weren't kissing for long enough so you simply gotta so they're more bruised] Jimmy: [I love that you could've just bitten your own but more fun for everyone like that because you know he'd follow suit and do the same for her] Janis: [we need to be thorough here, that might not be enough] Jimmy: [hence just lowkey making out now but I think we should have a teacher catch them cos Mia or Ella snitched to cockblock because in the OG they had that punishment to clean everyone else's rooms and they stole their shit and I think we should still do that cos it was a mood but in the OG they had that punishment cos they snuck off to the pub which they don't need to because Ian's stash is a thing this time] Janis: [agree fully because a. they would and b. the teacher can be so shame-y and then everyone will hear if said teacher is going off and then bitching about them to the other teachers] Jimmy: [yeah it's a much better idea and an actual decent way to cockblock so they don't just hook up rn] Janis: [I'm with it, 'cos we can steal someone else's booze if theirs also gets confiscated for bonus scandal points] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [okay, so dinner after we've been bollocked and everyone is shooketh, not allowed to sit together so] Jimmy: [oooh we should say Grace is putting make up on her love bites for her because that is a way to draw even more attention to it cos lowkey in the midst of dinner here] Janis: [gets out kit lmao] Jimmy: [exactly and a reason for her to be like Grace you need to sit with me so Mia is seething] Janis: [what did you think would come of this really, Mia, there's only so much 'trouble' they can get into and they don't care] Jimmy: [and like if you thought Grace would be embarrassed and that would drive a wedge you haven't considered that 1. she's a hoe 2. so much worse shit gets said about the cali fam as standard] Janis: [it's gonna get worse if they come in your room later in this trip so like, blow your load now alright girl] Jimmy: [which needs to happen because that was the fake injury moment and was iconic] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: OI DICKHEAD REMEMBER TO LOOK 😍 WHEN YOU READ THIS 😘 Jimmy: [does a real little lol and then looks at her IRL with fake longing] Jimmy: Alright? Janis: 👌 Janis: No one is gonna think it's over this food, so yeah, it'll do Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: bit rude they're trying to poison us before we do it ourselves Janis: tell he's the maths teacher Janis: not following the plot here Jimmy: might 🔪 the messenger if he's going that hard with the Shakespeare but alright Jimmy: I'll obvs die for you Janis: the bruises aren't that bad Jimmy: they look 🥇 from here Janis: [a LOOK from across the room] Janis: done the job, like Jimmy: [one back of course that's really lingering to really make the point] Jimmy: as they go, pissing about with you for a bit's not as bad as cleaning 🚽 Jimmy: don't get a massive head over it but Janis: unlikely Janis: generous and forthcoming with the 🥇 compliments as you are Jimmy: Oi, don't forget my 🥇💡 Janis: you got your recognition Jimmy: piss easy to get more Janis: obviously Janis: but what next Janis: aside from all this nerd flirting business Jimmy: Depends Janis: ? Jimmy: how you feeling? Jimmy: you look a bit cold to me Janis: [looks down at nips lmao] Jimmy: [he wants to lol but is 😏 cos he comes over to her and puts his hoodie on her, like enjoy the show everyone] Janis: alright, fairplay Janis: [snuggling in like full smug suck it everyone] Jimmy: check the pockets 🎁💕 Jimmy: [has drawn her something and written a little love note for the added brag] Janis: [making a big show of being extra secretive and trying to look at it privately so everyone on the table is 👀] Jimmy: [he made sure it was extra thankfully in case they can see and didn't write like oi dickhead] Janis: I'll 📸 it later Janis: was 🤞 for some 🚬s Jimmy: I've kept hold of them Jimmy: find me later Janis: very see me after class vibes Janis: alright Jimmy: if you wanna stick your uniform on for the 📸 go ahead, mate Janis: 💔 I didn't bring it with Janis: could wait but Jimmy: 💀👑 will be, mad for a uniform, her Janis: so I've heard Janis: what is it then, little apron Jimmy: [sends the CG instagram cos he won't have random pics of himself in his uniform on his phone] Janis: very Janis: starbucks lite Jimmy: they'll be 🎻💔😭 Janis: delete this comment 'fore I hit send Jimmy: already @ed it to 'em Janis: 🐍 you are Jimmy: got the fang marks to prove it, you Janis: now she's punched us with a brush as well quite sore tbh Jimmy: poor baby Janis: yes you're very concerned Janis: Mr Lucas is Jimmy: gutted he can't kiss you better is what he is Janis: idk, maybe he's 🎻💔😭 'cos you've ruined me Jimmy: very old school, that Jimmy: you're alright, I got no STI's Janis: @him Jimmy: what's his @? Janis: @virginsonly Jimmy: did he used to work at the local catholic or what? Janis: just to the point and selective, I think Jimmy: now I'm 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: why ain't I good enough for you sir? Fucking LOVE me, like Janis: and scene 🎬👏 Jimmy: Hang on, I need to be standing on this table Janis: 😏 Janis: love that for him, you fully crack after what, a month or so of bumming Jimmy: when you know you know, mate Jimmy: what we've got is SO real Janis: of course it is Jimmy: speaking of, what are we doing in a bit? Janis: having a 🚬 Janis: you said Jimmy: I mean are we 🎻💔😭 apart like 🤓 or 💕 together like 😎 Jimmy: how do you want the 🎬? Jimmy: can do loads with socials either @ or with Janis: whatever she says Janis: or fucks Janis: 🤓 is how she actually kicks it so Janis: 😎 is better Janis: what can they do, send us home Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: pay for my cab 'cos not gonna get my mum out here Janis: starcrossed love is the way to go, so, max sneaking for 💘 Jimmy: Alright Janis: you don't give a shit, right? Jimmy: about what? Janis: potential trouble, this trips' educational value, etc Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: just making sure Jimmy: [comes over to her again and whispers in her ear 'there's your answer' cos he really gives a shit about absolutely nothing rn and the teachers would be fuming cos stop it boy] Janis: [when the 😏 is real 'cos likewise, cares about nothing and is so bored of everyone and everything but obvs the quick kiss is to piss 'em off further] Jimmy: [when you turn it into more a kiss ™ as if you can't not because you can't get enough of her but not so much that you're Mia on the coach about it] Janis: [know people are gonna be highkey anyways like why not lads] Jimmy: [exactly and loads of 'em are putting it on their stories etc blatantly so] Janis: [#exposure] Jimmy: [I feel like the teachers should make either him or her go to their room because the kind of bullshit that achieves nothing like are you gonna make sure they stay there or what] Janis: [literally, like oh, without supervision, at least you've been smart enough to just send the one but still, it should be him I think] Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: [sends a pic of him on his bed really comfy like but if anyone sees it looks like an I wish you were here kinda thing instead of rubbing it in lol] Janis: twat Janis: i've got to stay here and do fucking 'fun' team building bullshit Jimmy: if you can't get yourself sent out, then you can't, babe Jimmy: if any dickhead were capable of 🥇 you wouldn't need me Janis: 😒 Janis: they aren't gonna send us both out, even they aren't quite that thick Janis: rude Jimmy: they can't stop you going for a piss, even Mia's dad would win that case and he is that thick Jimmy: you don't go back and what? Janis: they definitely go to our rooms Janis: so where are we going? Jimmy: where do you wanna go? Janis: wherever, far away enough from the windows and we'll be alright Jimmy: Come on then Janis: post that pic whilst you're waiting Jimmy: [does obviously] Janis: [posts his doodle in the comments of people saying how cute he is like IKR] Jimmy: you're a good actor an' all Janis: Take my bow as I make my escape Jimmy: head that big, ain't an easy feat not to topple over Janis: what I'm hearing is, you think I'm well impressive Jimmy: didn't realise you were deaf, my little brother will be chuffed to bits Janis: not gonna fake meet your family Janis: calm yourself down, boy Jimmy: weren't asking you to Jimmy: steady on, girl Janis: mhmm, what was that? Janis: my selective hearing couldn't make it out Jimmy: [sends a voice memo but instead of calling her a dickhead or something because he doesn't know where she is rn and who might here it's like I SAID COME HERE] Jimmy: [*hear I cannot type today at all] Janis: 👏 Janis: I am omw Janis: please make sure you are decent Jimmy: as an actor? 👌 Janis: was thinking don't open the door naked either Janis: but maybe those two can't coexist Jimmy: stop thinking about me naked, Judith Janis: you started it Jimmy: Calm yourself down, so bloody extra, you Janis: oh sorry, didn't know I was in a groupchat with the GALS Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: prepare to be that #shook Janis: [turn up to collect him] Jimmy: [does an IRL equivalent of 😱] Janis: ['come on, kev' 😏] Jimmy: [we out of here] Janis: [go for your smoke lads 'so what #content are we getting out of this?'] Jimmy: [they should do the sexy blowback thing purely for #content obvs] Janis: [purely, mhmm] Jimmy: [and I vote she should sit on his lap for the first time cos casual 🚬 photoshoot happening] Janis: [gotta make sure you're in shot, all of this is well necessary] Jimmy: [you wouldn't wanna be out of frame and have to take these pics all over again oh no] Janis: [that would just not be on brand, arty boy] Jimmy: [I love how extra you two are immediately, it's literally my fave thing] Janis: [fully could have stayed in your room and been like ha soz but no] Jimmy: [you should wanna be caught but we know why you don't] Janis: [the tea, the pretense of taking videos and pics is so flimsy but at least you tried and didn't just go to makeout] Jimmy: [and at least there will be actual #content because anything that annoys Mia gives me life] Janis: [exactly dr phil you're allowed] Jimmy: [what else can these little rebhogs do?] Janis: [maybe if the teachers are looking for her again, and now him 'cos checked their rooms, they can come back in together and be like, it's not fair to leave Jimmy out 'cos not and then just be couply af whilst doing whatever evening activity 'til bed] Jimmy: [I'll allow it because their teachers are clearly shit and like they've already given them their punishment to clean up everyone's rooms tomorrow so as far as they are concerned job done] Janis: [can't stop teen hormones and didn't come on the trip to be in his room so yolo, then Mia will be annoyed again 'cos no one is getting in trouble] Jimmy: [yeah she'd be trying to cause shit in this activity no doubt, ooh maybe that's when she or Ella gets hurt and makes a meal of it so it's not even the same day as Janis they are just trying to milk it that hard] Janis: [a mood, can also put an end to everyone's fun low-key, tah ladies] Jimmy: no oscar for her Janis: How is she that bad at it when she's faked every boy she's been with is Mia? Janis: poor show Jimmy: brb I gotta @ my dad to tell him my brother ain't the biggest cry baby going and pour bleach into my eyes and ears Janis: bit insensitive on the ears but yeah Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *🤢 Jimmy: 💀#2💕💀👑 Janis: it has been a few hours since they last purged probs Janis: explains everything Jimmy: tah for another lovely visual Jimmy: SUCH #couplegoals them Janis: your toothbrush is my toothbrush, babe Jimmy: I were thinking if you come round early enough in the morning without waking Gracie when you do we can make it look like you stayed and we're sneaking you out when the dickhead I'm sharing with wakes up Janis: That's a good idea Janis: she gets up early, so it'd feel more like late night but still works Janis: they should all be up to, even if their end result is more 'natural' Jimmy: be piss easy to make sure enough of 'em see you then Jimmy: me an' all when I walk you back Janis: right to the door Janis: well gentlemanly Janis: less so if I invite you in for round two but that depends who's seen and who's still watching, obvs Jimmy: 💰 on Mr Lucas from the bushes Janis: 🤞 Janis: nice to know he still cares, like Jimmy: it's all #bants til he comes out of the shrubs with a 💍 Janis: 😬 Jimmy: soz mate, bit rude to get your hopes up Janis: now you can't read facial expressions 😎boy Jimmy: never said I could Jimmy: just lips, and I ain't looking at yours unless the rest of the dickheads are 👀 at us Janis: facetime goodnight would be a little much Jimmy: unless 💀👑 is tucked up with Grace while her missus is in sick bay Janis: thankfully not Janis: can't come in without being invited Jimmy: you'd know about that vampire girl Janis: says you Janis: very tender, as I previously mentioned Jimmy: I did say it, yeah, and I previously mentioned how sympathetic I was an' all Janis: not your most convincing work Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, you should feel bad Jimmy: for which bit? Janis: your shit performance Janis: obvs Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I ain't given a single shit performance Janis: your sympathy just seems very disingenuous to me Jimmy: Baby, I'm so sorry Janis: more like it Janis: believe you've done this before now Jimmy: done what before, said sorry or left a lass needing a 🩹? Janis: had a girlfriend Janis: soz Mr Lucas Jimmy: no need to @ him Janis: another secret to keep? Janis: I dunno Jimmy: the secret that I ain't gay is already out, mate Janis: devastated Janis: gay bff is probably well more up their street than boyfriend tbh Jimmy: probably not too late to go for that Jimmy: if you really wanna Jimmy: come round and I'll plait your hair or some bollocks Jimmy: you already know my crushes Janis: 🤢 Janis: is what I think to that suggestion Janis: 💘 easier to fake Jimmy: for you 'cause I'm well fit and mysterious Janis: for me 'cos I don't have to talk to you half as much this way Jimmy: you can be the strong silent type any way we play this, Jasmine Jimmy: it's alright Janis: nah Janis: as I said, the straight girls will be more up on you, if anything Janis: and the gay boys would actually be 💔 from the queer bait so probs don't Jimmy: #whenshecaresaboutsparingyoudickpicDMs Jimmy: I get it, I don't deserve you, sweetheart Janis: don't have time to count all the ways you're so lucky to have me Janis: cataloging all these dick pics Jimmy: be a #goals tweet though Jimmy: hang on fans, I'm so lucky I ran out of characters Janis: have that for free Janis: need to up my cute though Janis: not my fault I can't draw Jimmy: yeah you can Jimmy: that 🎨 of Mia and her dad cracking onto each other was a top masterpiece Jimmy: [is tweeting about how lucky he is to have her obvs] Janis: you're a sick, sick boy Jimmy: came from your 🧠 girl Jimmy: I just appreciated it, what you do with #art Janis: never said I weren't as well Janis: have to admit they might have us both beat though Jimmy: true 💕 Jimmy: nowt we can do to compete with owt that real Jimmy: or that twisted Janis: unless you are 45 Janis: little bit of tan and we could sell that you're my dad Jimmy: Northern 45 is a southern twat's 95 Jimmy: dunno if black face is the way to go though, mate Jimmy: ain't worked out brilliantly for loads of others Janis: you wanted twisted Jimmy: but the deal is, when you want me 💀💀💀 you do the deed yourself Jimmy: don't need Bill rising from ⚰ pissed off about another rewrite Janis: alright, pair of spoilsports Janis: how you wanna go out then Janis: 💣 🧨 🪓 🔪 🗡 ⚔️ 💊 💉 🪒 Jimmy: lasses first, would hate to ✔ your fave Jimmy: loads you missed an' all Jimmy: 🏑🏏🏹⛸🔧🔨🛁 Janis: 🤔 Janis: probably 🔪 Janis: or 🔨 maybe Janis: most personal Janis: how about you? Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: are we gonna do #matching or different? Janis: You only get one Janis: I'll kill you any way you like Jimmy: hot Janis: 🔥 Janis: but I won't be cuddling up to your crispy corpse Jimmy: Fuck me, I forgot one an' all! Janis: I mean, possibilities are endless Janis: but 💏 🤵👰 🤰 👶 is boring and not worth mentioning Jimmy: don't try and make me feel better, baby, fuming I am Jimmy: and now I dunno if I want 🔪 for the wound 🎨 or 🔨 for the 🩸 splatter 🎨 Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I'll stab you but not let you bleed out Janis: take some #aes photos and then 🔨 final blow Janis: there you go Jimmy: that's the cutest thing I've ever heard, you don't need to work on nowt Jimmy: 🥇 you Janis: I'd screenshot asap then, if Mia wouldn't call the 👮 like the concerned Karen she is Jimmy: [writes some actual cute shit that everybody will eat up] Jimmy: type that out and screenshot it Janis: nice that you 💘 yourself so much that you can think of all that 😏 Janis: [does though] Jimmy: piss easy when they don't know who I am Janis: yeah Janis: don't need to tell me Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: it's the shit they do know that's unavoidable Janis: like Mick Jagger being my dad Jimmy: bit rude he didn't teach you nowt about how to perform but I'll carry us both til you figure it out Janis: got the opposite in writing somewhere in this convo Janis: don't be bitter 'cos I'm 🥇 without having to do as much Jimmy: You're only that good if you can do his hip move Jimmy: and there's not gonna be any evidence of that about anywhere Janis: not that committed to the bit, rat boy Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: take 🥈 and piss off, bad blood Janis: you piss off, dickhead Jimmy: or what? Janis: I'll smack you Jimmy: go on Jimmy: hit me hard enough and I can get out of doing our bollocks punishment Janis: I think not Janis: I'll go to the sick bay and you can carry cleanup too as you're so smug Jimmy: I get it, you miss El Jimmy: she is a fucking delight Janis: it's like she's constantly on the blob, which is ironic Jimmy: she's given 💀👑 her 🩸💦 and 😥 today Jimmy: if anyone's smug it'll be that pair Janis: unacceptable Janis: especially after I made smoking the opposite of GROSS Jimmy: we've done alright Janis: it'll be 🤯 come morning though Jimmy: you reckon? Janis: don't you? Jimmy: I reckon she needs to 👀 it for herself to be 🤯 Janis: maybe Janis: she's got form for being that bitch Jimmy: if we can't guarantee she'll be about in the morning, we'll have to do something when she is later Janis: yeah Janis: no need to put out the 🔥 before this bullshit trip is over Janis: even by their standards, not a good look Jimmy: right Janis: after that Janis: not got to think about them or that shithole for three weeks so Jimmy: you're decent at pillow talk, Jenna Janis: 👍 Janis: how do we end this Janis: in a way that still fucks them off somehow Jimmy: How do they get chucked? Jimmy: just do the opposite when you decide to bin me off Janis: when? Jimmy: Dunno when I'll be pissing off out of 🍀 yet Jimmy: but 🤞 you won't see me back at school Janis: I get it Janis: we used to move around a lot, when we were younger, I don't remember it much Jimmy: if Ian's still being a knobhead and I am about, do it then Janis: alright Jimmy: alright, give me a bell when you're on your way back to my door, I'll get you in without waking him Janis: he's a heavy sleeper Jimmy: how do you know? Janis: my cousin Janis: used to be closer, when we was kids, sleepovers n shit Jimmy: you should've said Jimmy: wouldn't have made you put on a show in front of him Janis: I don't care Janis: why he left in a hurry though Jimmy: do you want me to meet you at yours in a bit instead? Janis: can do Janis: more guarantee of seeing them then Janis: come to vet her outfit or whatever Jimmy: what time's Grace up? Jimmy: I'll be there an hour before, still give me time to get in and us set up if she wakes any earlier Janis: Our first thing is at 9, yeah? Janis: if she's having breakfast, 6.30, if not, 7 Janis: 6 should be fine Jimmy: 👍 Janis: get some sleep Janis: not enough you don't look shagged out, of course Jimmy: how you were going on earlier I thought she were gonna get up before the sun bothered Janis: I forgot Janis: school's earlier and our bus takes even longer Janis: she has to go to bed like a 👵 Jimmy: bet that goes down well with the lads Janis: dunno Janis: that's what weekends are for, right Jimmy: Dunno Jimmy: my ex near enough moved herself in Jimmy: very #goals obvs Janis: she don't last long enough to do that Jimmy: didn't need to Sherlock that Jimmy: goes without saying or sleuthing Janis: 🐇🐇🐇 Jimmy: shut up and get to bed Janis: rude Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: or is it thoughtful and 💕? Janis: put out a twitter poll if you like Janis: I'll be here not sleeping Jimmy: Alright, sod you then Janis: sweet dreams Jimmy: never said I were sleeping Janis: tell me if we're posting it and I'll fake enthusiasm at whatever you're doing instead Janis: don't want the sexts to be one-sided Jimmy: we should probably be together by now far as the fans know Jimmy: you're alright Janis: true Janis: mutual masturbation less of a flex Jimmy: Save it for the LDR Janis: you're alright, won't make you do it when you get home Janis: find a new fake boyf to keep them off my dick Jimmy: you can't dump me the second I do one, wouldn't be #goals Jimmy: starcrossed is our brand, mate Janis: awh, babe, you'd do that for me?! 💕 Jimmy: and myself, fuck all's gonna change when I leave here Jimmy: not just being racist against paddys, like Janis: if you go back, won't you have all your mates Jimmy: and what? Janis: well, you won't be new boy Janis: no one needs to follow you about and generally be a massive tit, like Jimmy: home's got bigger tits Jimmy: if that's where we go, and if not, new town, same bollocks Janis: well, LDR even easier Janis: can drop you an OTT caption whenever Jimmy: that'll be why I propositioned you again, my dear Janis: what does that mean? Jimmy: you said it, this is about making our lives easier Jimmy: wouldn't force you into an LDR if it were some 🎻🎻 hardship Janis: yeah Janis: alright Jimmy: what? Janis: I meant when you first asked, for now Jimmy: You wanna know why I asked? Janis: yeah Janis: me, specifically, I know why we're doing it Jimmy: 'cause I could do Jimmy: and we're both fit and mysterious, duh Janis: 👌 Jimmy: Go on, why did you say yeah? Janis: 'cos I'm fit and mysterious, why else Jimmy: 👌 Janis: forget I asked Jimmy: Why? I reckon it's what you'd call a valid question Janis: 'cos you didn't tell me anything I didn't know already Jimmy: everyone knows how fit you are Janis: not all wearing 😎 Jimmy: there you go then Janis: bed now Jimmy: save telling me what to do for when there's loads of dickheads about to see and hear how well I do it Janis: it's a polite way to tell you to shut up Jimmy: northern, not that thick Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: don't need it Janis: my head is massive as is Jimmy: What do you need? Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: couldn't hurt Janis: what the packets say, right Jimmy: Close enough, come here Janis: [show up] Jimmy: [we know the drill he's lighting up for you gal, god knows how long you've been out there boy dealing the drama that is Ian looking after his own kids for an evening] Janis: [we smoking in silence] Jimmy: [what a nice throwback to the PE moment that started all this] Janis: [Ella stay away] Jimmy: [everyone leave them be tbh] Janis: [when so much drama has gone down already like the levels of not expecting this] Jimmy: [we are so rude soz lads] Janis: [we all know who's fault it actually is, and also that you're about it so Jimmy: [even if neither of you expected to be this about it and are now shooketh] Janis: [hence what is lowkey an awkward silence but both of you usually are so you can play it ain't] Jimmy: [so casual so fine] Janis: [again, not as if you've chosen to spend time together when you don't need to] Jimmy: [makes me lol same as all these convos you're keeping going beyond needing to, but we should say he takes a pic of her under the pretence of like hm idk when I might need this/ we can use it to pretend you're with me if you're not at some point etc but it seems so rude like oh this is just a job every second I have to be doing something I deffo don't wanna spend any time with you just because] Jimmy: [but we know she really just looks beautiful and he's an art hoe] Janis: ['could've warned us, where was my two hours?'] Jimmy: [😏 and offers to take it again with a gesture but you know he's not deleting that OG pic ever] Janis: [🖕 like have that] Jimmy: [😘 like he did to sir when he left] Janis: [wiping her cheek like it hit her] Jimmy: [does a really fake look around for fans lurking] Janis: [raising brow like you know its just us] Jimmy: [shrug cos it's so casual so fine] Janis: [shrugs back but OTT like one up you] Jimmy: [lights a new 🚬 because 1. he's been out there ages so he would've been nearly done when she appeared 2. to prove that he don't feel awks at all and could stay here all night] Janis: [puts her hand out like gimme your lighter] Jimmy: [does but with a raised brow of his own] Janis: [just playing with it 'not suggesting arson, s'boring'] Jimmy: [💔 mime for the first time] Janis: ['poor baby'] Jimmy: [pouty little lip like baby me] Janis: [loling but reminded so 'I'll bite it off next time'] Jimmy: [irl 🤞] Janis: [🙄😏] Jimmy: [gets a snack of some kind out like better eat this while I still can then] Janis: ['did you not eat enough at dinner?'] Jimmy: [🙄😏 but chucks some at her] Janis: ['too busy staring, I remember'] Jimmy: ['bit busy getting chucked out 'cause you don't know owt about being cute'] Janis: [😒 'yeah, that's why'] Jimmy: ['gotta keep it goals if you can't, yeah'] Janis: ['fuck off'] Jimmy: [looks down at his 🚬 which he ain't done with like no shan't] Janis: ['do it by yourself then' 'cos done enough with yours to throw it like good day] Jimmy: [just looking at her like bye then] Janis: [👋 '6 o'clock'] Jimmy: [when you get right in her grill and it's really hot but then you just take your lighter back] Janis: [making an 'ugh' sound] Jimmy: [hasn't moved away so is still very much in her grill and just zipping her hoodie up which is actually his like it's such a long cold walk back when it's neither because you gotta prove that 'cute' comes that effortlessly to you obvs and she sucks but it's just hot because the tension] Janis: [pushing him back, not really hard or anything but enough to ramp up that tension] Jimmy: [when you say 'piss off then' but you're saying it like a challenge not to] Janis: [just looking at him like nah] Jimmy: [LOOKING at her] Janis: ['stop it' but again, a challenge] Jimmy: ['stop what?' because I dare you to acknowledge that something is happening here, gal] Janis: ['you know' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['you'] Janis: [points at him] Jimmy: [signs it] Janis: [gonna assume she knows what he's doing but not what he's saying here 'hardly fair'] Jimmy: [scoffs because nothing about any of this is fair or what he signed up for 'playing to win, not fair' but shows her how to do it and what it means then adding whatever he needs to add to change it into 'you're a dickhead' signed which makes me lol imagining what that probably is] Janis: ['alright, Mia' but 😏 and going with this impromptu lesson here] Jimmy: [having a lovely time as if all of that didn't just happen] Janis: [tralalalalala] Jimmy: [it's literally an immediate headfuck, well done lads] Janis: [lmao how could it not be tbh] Jimmy: [if it was actually all fake but we know it never has been or could be cos he chose her for a reason] Janis: [you could've chose someone well below you and just played 'em] Jimmy: [thank god you didn't sir because that wouldn't have been as fun on any level for any of us] Janis: [you aren't that sort of boy is the tea] Jimmy: [my softest in my army of soft boys is the tea] Janis: [mhmm, and you wouldn't have said yes, even though it does benefit you too, if you didn't think he was hot and intriguing so] Jimmy: [anyway teach her the sign for goodnight and then do one please Jimothy or else I won't be able to stop you from doing something which only works if someone appears or you think they have which is unlikely] Janis: [literally got to see each other in a few so time to go lol] Jimmy: [let's skip to him showing up at 6] Jimmy: Oi Janis: [letting him in as a response 'cos obvs up and ready, likewise gonna make you be top bunk so you have to do the most to be quiet] Jimmy: [we know if he's slept at all it's barely so that'll look legit, casually stripping so you can leave your clothes on the floor for Grace and Co to see which means he has to climb up there in just his pants lol] Janis: [likewise, especially after-all that tension but always really, casually looking away so dramatically as if you don't have to get in that single bed with him now] Jimmy: [looking at her while she's looking away because she hasn't gotten any uglier since you saw her last and you're like well fuck this is gonna be interesting] Janis: [oh lads what have you got yourselves into, coming up and casually giving yourselves as much space as you physically can 'cos not as if they're gonna burst in the door any second now and this is just casual, taking off your top so you're in your bra and shorts moment] Jimmy: [when you don't wanna stare at her doing that so you're looking down and it hits you that you're topless too but there's not a single bruise anywhere there so you're like ! and your hand automatically goes to your neck but your foot nudges her] Janis: [turning 'round like excuse me 'cos think he's just being annoying but then you look and then look some more 'til you're like 'oh' everything whispered as per, so then you look down at your own body like, yeah] Jimmy: [to casually avoid following her gaze down her own body because ofc you don't wanna look don't be silly looking at her hands to see how long her nails are, like are back scratches too far or wtf because this is the life we're living kids] Janis: [pretending you think he means he wants you to choke him and going for the throat 'cos cannot be serious about this rn] Jimmy: [so 😒 because she caught you off guard with that and you nearly said something along the lines of oi or piss off at normal volume so you're mad at yourself for being an amateur] Janis: [gently pushing his shoulder like soz but also come on 'you can go first then'] Jimmy: [pushing her down onto the bed slightly less gently but obvs not hard lol and going for it  because if you start to think or say something you'll be like this is too much wtf is my life rn and then you're look like even more of an amateur] Janis: [when once it's happening, you can bite your lip all you like but you didn't expect the push down so you can't stop yourself from making the noise] Jimmy: [don't worry gal because that noise would have got to him as much as the push got to you and you'll be able to get your own back soon] Janis: [when you don't wanna tell him to stop but that's purely 'cos you need to prove you got this, not that it's enjoyable or anything, nah] Jimmy: [I'm loling because he's really just going to town on her as if anyone's looking that closely even Mia ready to be like I don't think you really hooked up because there isn't a love bite there, I'm so sure a few would get the point across boy but okay] Janis: [like, the state of undress you don't need to be in April cannot be overstated, the teachers are gonna be fuming at the state of you two lmao] Jimmy: [also you don't need to have your hands on her in any way whatsoever while this is happening but you clearly do] Janis: [we doing the most to stay quiet here, like low-key shouldn't you make a little noise so you can be caught but nah, eventually you gotta blurt out 'come on' but do you mean stop or hurry up or more, we'll never know] Jimmy: [when you take it to mean hurry up like she's so over this because there's a big part of you that thinks she's totally faking this, thanks for those issues parentals so you do hurry up/stop losing yourself how you were for a bit there and go back to treating it like a job] Janis: [we can feel the difference and we're, surely not sad, no, who cares, not you babe, in fact, 'my turn' and flipping him so you on top now] Jimmy: [wasn't expecting that after what she said and how he interpreted it so 'fuck' escapes and we know it's not in an angry way] Janis: [just gotta go in on it too 'cos can't be thinking about that or this will go even further right now] Jimmy: [time to bite your own lip really hard jimothy because not only is this gonna feel incredible but when she's moving you can see at least some of the ones you've given her so] Janis: [we're going so much lower than we need to, like they can fill in the gaps without you doing a hickie on his hip like] Jimmy: [RIP this boy cos he's got no clothes on and nowhere to hide] Janis: [soz for the blueballing] Jimmy: [great way to start your day you won't be 😒 at all] Janis: [when it could lowkey be an hour 'til they wake up like what are you gonna do] Jimmy: [not gonna be able to casually nap after that lads] Janis: [have to find a way to fill the time] Jimmy: [we know what you wanna do but no no, gutted that you can't even stress smoke in case you wake her up by going outside] Janis: [lmao drag this out for as long as you can without turning him totally purple] Jimmy: [at least you'll have an excuse to do more on her if she's gone harder on you so you don't have to awkwardly sit there] Janis: [we know you're just making out without making out, like, 'cos no excuse for that] Jimmy: [shameless] Janis: [truly, then we just laying here like, 'cos can't even wake Grace up really 'cos need the others to see too so] Jimmy: [we all know she's not the real target audience, so just awkwardly stare at the ceiling and calm down kids cos it's too risky to look at each other rn] Janis: [or say anything, not just 'cos volume] Jimmy: [mhmm but when you feel up to it Jimothy you can take a look at yourself in your phone camera because DO NOT look at her like it's just a job and you're checking out how well she's done] Janis: [when you force yourself to look in his direction finally, 'cos you don't want him to potentially infer anything from your silence,  so you watch him do this, and then position your body is a mid-fuck kinda position like, go on then and mime 📸] Jimmy: [at least he can throw himself into the technical aspects of this photoshoot moment like a nerd so he doesn't have to think about how good she looks or how lowkey hot it is that you've gotta just move her around] Janis: [we're all pretending this is purely business, taking our own 📸 of him above you with his] Jimmy: [casual excuse to actually kiss for the 📸 which you think will make this tension better but actually makes it worse] Janis: [so 😤 on the low like thanks a lot] Jimmy: [such good practice for when you have to keep making out and breaking apart in the future as the flat whites go to and fro and a flex that you're so unfazed by any of this that you can stop whenever you want because it's SO fake but such agony actually] Janis: [just staying on your phone like this is casual and you have other things to do] Jimmy: [when I'm gonna start a convo purely because he wants her attention lol] Jimmy: nowt we've forgot is there? Janis: don't think so Janis: go down and get your t-shirt for me to protect my modesty once they get here Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you think you're such a pro at cute, suggest away, like Jimmy: can't bring you a ☕ much as they'd think that were #ultimategoals Janis: missing your steamer? Janis: s'nice Jimmy: have to get steamy in the 🚿 when they show up instead then Jimmy: won't be as cute 💔 Janis: don't put yourself down just 'cos they replace serotonin with caffeine 💘 Jimmy: thinking of you having to put up with me in another confined space Janis: I'm not actually getting in the shower with you Jimmy: [really fake shocked face like what??!] Jimmy: tah for clearing that up, mate, could've been a bit awkward Janis: [pushing him like 🙄] Janis: shut up Jimmy: [mimes 🤐 as he pushes her back so that's lowkey sexy excuse you boy] Janis: [turning your back on him like boy bye but there's 0 way that's not a spooning situation so] Jimmy: [living for the excuse to touch her hair because it's in your grill] Janis: you reckon we should Jimmy: ? Janis: 🚿 Janis: or was you joking Jimmy: don't you want a bit of time behind a locked door? Janis: in an ideal world you wouldn't be there but yeah, 'course Jimmy: forget I am Janis: easier said than done Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: shouldn't be no challenge in it Janis: you leave marks Janis: poltergeist motherfucker Jimmy: [does a there there pat on her back] Jimmy: should've stopped me if I hurt you Janis: [kicking back] Janis: yeah right Jimmy: [retaliates like oi] Janis: [playfight 'I'll hurt you'] Jimmy: ['go on' because we're forever one challenge away from going too far] Janis: ['it doesn't count if you ask for it' but we LOOKING at him] Jimmy: [LOOKING back at her because always 'weren't like I said please'] Janis: ['where are your manners?'] Jimmy: [leans way further in than he needs to for whispering 'not that good of an actor' okay we get it Jimothy you think you're so 😎 and a bad boy but you not okay deal with it] Janis: [when you 'ha!' at practically normal volume such is your disbelief at this, sir] Jimmy: [putting a finger to her lips like shh because why just say it when you could be saucy as hell] Janis: [biting said finger as if this will actually hurt and not just add to this vibe alright] Jimmy: [pulling her hair by that same logic] Janis: [matching that 'fuck-' energy of his from earlier but adding '-you' in any vain attempt at saving face as you take his hand from your hair and pin it above your heads] Jimmy: [1000% is allowing this and is about to kiss her so we're gonna have to say that like Grace's alarm goes off or something to remind y'all what you're meant to be doing here] Janis: [when it's fine that the 'shit!' comes out 'cos it's showtime anyways] Jimmy: [pretend to be asleep kids that way you can take a sec and a deep breath] Janis: [lowkey hiding under these covers rn] Jimmy: [#mood cos Grace is gonna be so shook that Jimmy is here] Janis: [like soz girl] Jimmy: [run to the bathroom gal, it's fine he's not looking at you] Janis: [just don't run out screaming tah] Jimmy: [do we wanna say that the flatwhites all assemble here to get ready so they have to put on more of a show or say they show up in a bit so they don't?] Janis: [hmm, oh, maybe for the drama they show up later like let's ride 'cos obviously they don't KNOW this has gone down so then Mia will be really pissed off with Grace like um why did you not tell us so then they'll be being dicks to her again moreso?] Jimmy: [okay I love that, makes Grace get changed because she's mad, fuck you fashion police] Janis: [something even more unsuitable, lucky you don't break a leg she's already clumsy you know this] Jimmy: [also OMG you know we said they should see Mia cheat on Pablo it should be the boy that Grace was flirting with when they won that activity] Janis: [deffo, like that's what you get] Jimmy: [but for now she's in the bathroom getting ready with music on so like enjoy your awks alone time JJ] Janis: [at least you can get up, 'cos you know she'll be ages, and open the window to get some air] Jimmy: [lowkey just waking your siblings up for school like oi don't be late without me there or sort you out] Jimmy: [*to] Janis: [putting his top on for now, even if it's purely to whip it off when the flat whites arrive 'cos that effortless ladies, cry about it] Jimmy: [like you could put your trousers on boy but we know you won't] Janis: [like makes sense for your purpose but it's so distracting] Jimmy: [clearly you hope it is cos you're still dying over everything that happened and don't wanna be the only one] Janis: [we know you both are but keep doing the most to hide it like that's even possible god bless] Jimmy: [just casually making himself so comfy in this bed she got out of like everything's fine] Janis: [shaking her head] Jimmy: [a look like what?] Janis: [quieter but no need to whisper fully 'do this often?'] Jimmy: [says the 'what?' this time] Janis: [eyes in the direction of the bathroom like, let's not give the whole thing away, yeah 'you know'] Jimmy: ['what kind of question's that?' because imagine if that was the life he was living just fake girlfriends everywhere lol] Janis: [shrugs 'you look very at home'] Jimmy: [🙄 as he makes himself even more comfy, like there's no way he could actually get any sleep til the flatwhites come but that's what he's pretending] Janis: [tuts 'my bed, you know'] Jimmy: [eyes closed and a fake yawn 'not a very #goals attitude that, meant to be about what's yours being mine, as my missus'] Janis: ['yeah, well, I'm meant to hog the covers, not you the entire bed'] Jimmy: ['come here then'] Janis: [human equivalent of ?] Jimmy: [makes space for her and pulls back the covers like you heard me] Janis: [you know this isn't a good idea but look weird if you don't now, like sure let's totally snooze mhmm] Jimmy: [deliberately chucking all the covers over her like 😏] Janis: [cocoons self 'thanks, dick'] Jimmy: [pulls them back off and you think he's gonna start a playfight or be a dick in some way but he just takes the t-shirt off her and throws it back on the floor as if they are actually gonna fall asleep and miss the flatwhites arrival in any way, we see you boy, how intimate and suggestive of you] Janis: [just staring, shooketh 'I might've been cold'] Jimmy: [tucks her back in cos you're a soft boy and you have to make sure she isn't just in case she wasn't joking and snuggling into her because 1.warmth 2. you don't know how long Grace takes in the bathroom 3.lack of space doesn't really give you a choice but to spoon] Janis: ['so weird, new boy' but soft and letting it all happen, obvs] Jimmy: [shhing her but even softer because their weirdness is meant to be a secret if they are gonna be goals and also duh it's sleepy time™ except not at all] Janis: [pressing back into him and turning your head back purely to whisper 'and rude' like gurl] Jimmy: [making a sound because of that movement that we can try and pretend is an exasperated sigh but obviously isn't] Janis: [shhing him like 😏] Jimmy: [writes some kind of insult on her with his fingertip than she won't be able to make out because it's the first time basically] Janis: [excessive wriggling like don't tickle me] Jimmy: [DYING rn so he can't even say anything or do anything but try not to die] Janis: ['shell be forever, you know'] Jimmy: [me just like oh no how am I gonna cockblock this and it's literally been a day lol] Janis: ['your roommate won't be up, is what I'm saying, if we've got any chance of getting a shower today'] Jimmy: [just looking at her because the last thing you wanna do rn is move unless it's closer to her but she obviously can't see you looking at her so you have to say something boy 'you don't reckon that might wake him up?'] Janis: ['I don't reckon he fancies you so much he'll get out of his pit just to 'catch' you in the shower, no' pausing for a bit before shrugging 'it was your idea, like'] Jimmy: ['my idea for when we had an audience' but shrugs back] Janis: ['I'm going then, before we do, be right back' getting up] Jimmy: [obvs going with cos he doesn't wanna stay here on his own] Janis: ['can take it in turns, I weren't saying-' gestures like you know, even though you definitely were you've taken his response as a message to cool down, getting your toiletries and heading for the door] Jimmy: [following her as soon as you've got enough clothes on] Janis: [sneksnek] Jimmy: [take a cold shower it's very much needed] Janis: [let you go first boy] Jimmy: [please don't take forever or she's just there watching her cousin sleep] Janis: [bit weird lmao] Jimmy: [imagine how awks when he comes out and she goes in and they just do that switcharoo that'd be weird too] Janis: [hope you've put more clothes on, you definitely haven't] Jimmy: [soz not soz] Janis: you can go back if you want Janis: or go, if you're over it Jimmy: over what? Janis: waiting for them Janis: we've done shit they'll see still regardless Jimmy: are you saying you're over it? Janis: I'm saying you don't need to sit there whilst I shower if you don't wanna Jimmy: I don't need to do owt I don't want to, and I don't need you to tell me that Jimmy: if you're gonna be ages like your sister, say so Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: don't get your hair wet unless you wanna fake some weird kink, we're meant to be asleep Janis: now you wanna tell me what to do, cam down Jimmy: you started it Janis: God, I was just saying Jimmy: just leave it out instead Janis: whatever Jimmy: it ain't my fault they ain't about yet Janis: it's not mine, either Jimmy: and I ain't being a dickhead to you about it Janis: 1. I weren't, I was literally saying go if you're fed up, how is that anything but polite? 2. hate to see you being a dickhead then Jimmy: 1. Bollocks weren't you, you're saying go 'cause you're fed up which ain't polite when we've got a plan and if we weren't gonna stick to it I wouldn't have bothered to show up at 6 when we could've just pissed about during this punishment Jimmy: 2. yeah, you would Janis: That is not what I'm saying, I'm saying I'm having a shower, that's it Jimmy: if you'd cracked on instead of getting a mard on, you'd be done by now Janis: shut up Jimmy: you Janis: I'm serious Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: stop pissing about Janis: I know how long she takes, you don't Jimmy: I don't care Janis: then I don't care how long I take in relation to you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [obviously taking longer than you would have but nowhere near Grace levels of long 'cos just not that bitch, casually walking past him back to your room like let's get this done] Jimmy: [follows her again] Janis: [has got hair wet, suck it, got to pretend we had that steamy shower sesh we didn't have there] Jimmy: [is 😒] Janis: [likewise, we'll let the flat whites show as you're drying off said hair like 'good morning ladies'] Jimmy: [at least you can pretend you're 😒 to see them] Janis: [making some joke about morning coffee as you go over to him and hold his face, really like, get it together but fake loving upon him 'cos just so cute] Jimmy: [taking the excuse she's given you to kiss her because you've wanted to for an age] Janis: [enjoy, they're stunned silent rn anyway so take your chance kids] Jimmy: [we know that's why you're really 😒 Jimothy so it'll be an amazing kiss that Mia will just love to witness] Janis: [being so vocal in her disgust 'cos massive snitch and wants them to get caught again] Jimmy: [and not at all casually knocking on the bathroom door cos raging at Grace but she assumes it's Janis so she's like excuse you] Janis: [telling her where the nearest loo is, 'if you're that desperate, like' and smugly reclining on Grace's bunk so the rest of you have to stand around awkwardly in this room that is not big enough for all these people remotely] Jimmy: [Grace doing such an affectionate eye roll at JJ cos you know they being coupley af like she ships it so hard cos 1. she do 2. she doesn't fancy jimmy she's just not a dick to people who serve her coffee and 3. fuck you Mia] Janis: [just cuddling on this bed like y'all not even here and we're just having a moment] Jimmy: [whispering flatwhite shade that you can pretend is sweet nothings cos they'd be so annoyed they can't hear what you're saying] Janis: [giggiling in such an un-you way but it is funny, obvs] Jimmy: [Grace I'm calling you out for not knowing this is fake after hearing that except I'm not because you're not that invested and are just getting ready like a normal person] Jimmy: [shoutout to Jimmy for drawing yet more attention to these lovebites by touching and kissing them in a really soft way like oh I'm so sorry I've got no chill, I hope it doesn't hurt lol lol lol] Janis: [maybe that's how she be with boys, you don't know, let you off gal] Janis: [when you acting like oh my god, gotta hide them but in that LOOK kinda way] Jimmy: [I think Mia should be trying to get Ella or whoever to dob them in for Jimmy being there and Grace is just like chill so they're lowkey having a row in the bathroom] Janis: ['wanna go for breakfast?']

[misscrawfords]

Ask game: 2, 5 and 26!

(in no particular order)

Top 5 overrated TV shows

1. Outlander

I watched two episodes and found it immeasurably dull. It’s marketed as some great historical epic but it just struck me as facile pap with an overactive soundtrack and a distinct lack of subtlety and restraint. 

2. Once Upon a TIme

At one point lots of people I knew were really into it and the horrible fandom drama was all over my dashboard all the time. I forced myself through a season and a half waiting for it to get better and it never did. Just so bad. Total lack of magic from a show that was supposed to be about fairytales but just felt like a very dull small town America drama.

3. The Office

I was really excited to watch this famous sitcom when I got Amazon Prime earlier this year and I watched two episodes and didn’t laugh once. Like, it wasn’t funny? It just felt very dated and heavy. 

4. The Crown

Admittedly, I haven’t watched any of this show because there’s something about a big, glossy, fictionalised historical drama about people who are still alive makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I’m just tired of everyone saying it’s the best thing ever.

5. A joint tie for Game of Thrones and The Big Bang Theory for reasons too obvious to state.

5. Top 5 overrated movies

Ahaha you’re getting all my unpopular opinions tonight!

All the Marvel movies apart from Captain America, Black Panther and Captain Marvel but especially

1. Thor Ragnarok

Admittedly I watched over half of it on a plane so the quality wasn’t amazing, but, I was just assaulted by visuals I couldn’t follow and puerile, idiotic excuses for humour that I didn’t understand and no visible sign of a plot. Gave up on it. Don’t understand why it’s supposedly ground-breaking.

2. Avengers: Infinity War

Okay, so I also watched half of this on a plane in Hebrew so there’s always a chance I missed something... but poor acting, too many characters not doing much, obvious plot, too many explosions... Why do people like these films?! Like, I love the idea of a massive universe of super heroes with multiple focuses who then come together to save the world, but the execution is so poor it just continually makes me annoyed that people keep spending so much money on these films. It only encourages them!

3. Pride and Prejudice 2005

Sorry not sorry. You know how I feel about this film. (See the tag “this is a pride and prejudice 2005 hate blog” for details.)

4. Mamma Mia

I... have not managed to finish watching this film. It makes me sad because I love ABBA. As in, they’re my all-time favourite band. And I still want to see Mamma Mia on stage. But the film just rubbed me the wrong way. Seeing British people taking over European seaside resorts and getting drunk while having an expensive destination wedding just... isn’t fun for me to watch. It makes me feel embarrassed. So, I just couldn’t like this film. :( I suspect that the musical will be sufficiently distanced from any kind of reality that it won’t matter, but I have a horrible feeling I’ll still have problems with the story.

5. Forrest Gump

Why do people talk about this film with reverence? Tom Hanks sits on a bench and is uncharismatic for a very long time? Why is this good? I watched it a few years ago and was twitching the whole way through from boredom. Don’t get it.

And now that I’ve slated your favourites...

26. Top 5 crack ships

I don’t know tbh... like, I don’t really do crack ships? Anything I ship has some basis in logic for it. The only thing I can immediately think of is Mary/Charles/Mabel OT3 and even that would be plausible if Fellowes wasn’t... Fellowes. Hmm. I married Phasma off to Bazine in Growing Beyond and now that’s canon for me but definitely crack. Can’t think of any more, sorry!

Phew, I’m exhausted!

Ask me about TV shows and movies

[rainhalydia]

Because I need to hear my boy praised: fandom ASOIAF; ship: Throbb; character: Theon Greyjoy

Hi, anon! Great to know I’m being recognized as the local Theon-apologist, you’re absolutely right in your assessment!

001 | Fandom: ASOIAF

Favorite character: Theon Greyjoy

Least Favorite character: tough call, but I guess Littlefinger in terms of who I hate the most. In terms of who doesn’t work that much as a character for me, Garlan Tyrell

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Throbb is the OTP, then in no particular order: NedCat, Sansan, Asha x Qarl and Jaime x Brienne

Character I find most attractive: Theon is my type to a T, physically. Personality wise, probably Asha.

Character I would marry: Oddly enough, Renly! He could go off with Loras and leave me to be a powerful lady and he’d probably be okay with recognizing any bastard I could get as his.

Character I would be best friends with: Sansa. Playing harp and doing crafts are my ideal bonding activities. My sense of adventure also begins and ends with stealing stuff from the kitchen.

a random thought: the world building is seriously lacking more of a merchant class and artists, but it’s something that’s only really noticeable when you’re a hardcore fan. I feel like people reading casually won’t miss it because Martin’s writing is just that good.

An unpopular opinion: Probably very unpopular, but I’m not bothered in the slightest with all the rape and sexual violence towards women in the books, except for maybe the Dothraki. With the Dothraki, it feels like a way to signal how violent they are as a society, but it’s too caricatural to work for me. They rape people in the middle of a super important wedding, come on! But with the rest, I find it sadly plausible. ASOIAF also deals a lot with sexual violence towards men, in a more nuanced and respectful way than most media, so I feel like sexual violence is a theme in general, not just something thrown in for shock value or to degrade women.

My Canon OTP: Throbb is canon probably Ned x Cat.

My Non-canon OTP: Asha x Alysane.

Most Badass Character: There are so many! I guess Tyrion wins because he’s going to ride a dragon with no magic

Most Epic Villain: Euron Greyjoy

Pairing I am not a fan of: Robb x Margaery, Sansa x Margaery, Robb x Jon

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): the Dothraki as a whole are very under-developed when compared with the rest of the cast, though Irri and Jhiki arguing over Rakharo is a breath of fresh air.

Favourite Friendship: probably Arya and her Riverland gang

Character I most identify with: Theon and Sansa, maybe Sam

Character I wish I could be: they’re all much braver than I am, but I’ll pick Brienne

002 | Ship: Throbb

When I started shipping them: I don’t really remember? It was on my second read of the series, because I barely remember the first read. ADWD was already out, so after 2011 for sure... If we’re talking about a moment in the books, when Theon thinks he should have died with Robb.

My thoughts: They’re really, really good together. It’s surprisingly balanced for the circumstances they’re in. Even if you don’t ship them, their affection for each other is plain in the text and it drives me up the fucking wall when people say they didn’t like each other. They did! Theon still does! They’re important to each other!

What makes me happy about them: How much they loved and trusted each other. That they really knew each other, in ways other people mostly didn’t.

What makes me sad about them: I mean, theirs is a tragic story, so everything? But especially that Robb died thinking that Theon killed his brothers, and that Theon knows Robb died thinking that about him. That there will be no reconciliation.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: With the caveat that everyone can do what they like, Robb is not a goody two shoes, his patience is not endless, he has a temper and he thinks Theon is awesome and it’s not a fucking favor on his part being friends with him. Theon, on his side, mostly fools everyone with his cool persona, except for Robb, Asha and the rest of his family.

Things I look for in fanfic: Theon being a charming asshole is my number one priority. I can roll with most scenarios, though.

My wishlist: Let’s see... my favorites things ever for Throbb are friends to lovers, mutual pining, secret relationship, preferably with smut.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Jeyne W. is alright, but I can’t help thinking Robb is gay, so Robb x Olyvar. For Theon, Theon x Jeyne P.

My happily ever after for them: They reunite in the afterlife after Theon dies of very old age.

003 | Character: Theon Greyjoy

How I feel about this character: I love him! My problemaic squid son! He does not deserve a tenth of the hate he gets!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: In order of preference: Robb, Jeyne, Kyra, Patrek Mallister.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Dagmer, Asha and Wex. The Thramsay dynamic is terrible but interesting, if done well. I wish Theon had never gone through any of that, but at the same time, where would his story even be without it? And he could have been real friends with Patrek if they had time.

My unpopular opinion about this character: He owned the Starks, including Robb, nothing. He did nothing worse than other characters fighting a war until he killed the miller boys and raped Kyra - not to say his actions were good or anything, but they’re about the same as other characters’, including fan favorites. It’s awful but understandable that he didn’t visit his Mom. He’s actually pretty competent as a warrior, but he doesn’t think long-term when making plans. And probably most unpopular of all in my corner of fandom: though he has all the identity issues and belonging issues, he’s actually very ironborn, and his ironborn upbriding, while terrible and abusive even by in-universe standards, actually helped him survive being a captive for so long.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone who loved him had gone to met him when he arrived on Pyke and that Asha hadn’t pulled that “prank” on him. I wish him to live to an old age with people who love him, to get his teeth fixed as much as possible, and to do something important for the Iron Islands.

Favorite friendship for this character: Robb and Wex. I love Asha, but she’s such an older sibling that they’ll always have that dynamic first and foremost to me.

My crossover ship: Super out there, but probably Olivier Mira Armstrong. Theon will drink that respect women juice if he wants to or not!

[nonbinarysasukes]

just curious, why do you dislike sakusasu? def not trying to start discourse, i'm not particularly for or against the ship.

it’s a bit personal, actually... before i came out as a lesbian at 13, my so-called guy “best friend” pursued me in a similar way that sakura does sasuke - and at the time, we were twelve. it made me sick; he’d keep asking me out after i’d rejected him multiple times, and when i watched naruto i drew many parallels between that and ss, so i could never ship it. never.

in canon, my reasons for not shipping? first off: sakura’s character around sasuke. it’s completely watered down and removes EVERYTHING about her except “sasuke-kun!” it’s annoying and grates on my nerves, as well as makes sakura bland and boring. come on, guys, look at the girl when she’s training, away from sasuke! that fucking punch! that strength of character! that powerful and wise aura she radiates! that lesbian energy she shares with ino!

second: sasuke does not like her back. he states this multiple times, and she keeps trying to push her “love” onto him. to inosaku and wlw sakura shippers like me, this could be read as a result of internalized homophobia on sakura’s part (bc konoha’s so progressive) and trying to convince herself she’s straight. and what’s the best way to do that? have a crush on the handsome, popular genius of the class, of course! 

third: i just... don’t like it? it’s heteronormativity and detracts from both their characters. sakura’s “love” for sasuke is childish and she’s just fooling herself into it. i stan both sasuke and sakura and can’t stand to see them together because they just don’t work. 

let’s say person x thinks of ss as a strong and caring love. let’s say they think sasuke inspired sakura and brought her forwards. let’s say they think sakura and sasuke make each other grow. now replace sasuke with ino, convert ino to a guy, and wait for the heteronormatives to be all over it! (i know i sound salty... that’s because I FUCKING AM)

sakura and ino have a way deeper bond than ss ever had. ss is unhealthy for both sakura and sasuke; it undermines both of their personalities for the sake of sakura’s “love” and sasuke’s “cute tsundere vibe”. they have no actual relationship development... it’s just canon off-screen because sp has no plausible reason to make it so. why do we see an nh wedding and no ss wedding? because at least nh could be believable. i can believe that naruto comes to understand, respect and eventually love a person who has set him as her example (if they got to know each other, which even if ss did they would realise they were better platonic). i don’t ship nh because a lot of the development was offscreen and it’s a very heteronormative ship, but at least it’s not as toxic to either one as ss; somewhat acceptable in my eyes.  

sakura and sasuke are both quite abrasive and demanding - not so good for each other. hinata is too soft imo, but at least she and naruto make a little bit of sense - more than ss at any rate. honestly they should have just gone ahead and made sns and inosaku canon because these are the ships which have actual grounds for romance... friends to rivals, people who understand and support and make each other grow. i guarantee you ss never has a fight - why? because sakura will always agree with her “sasuke-kun”, thinking that that’s love. because sasuke really just doesn’t give a shit about sakura romantically. 

tl;dr: i hate sasusaku because i’ve been in sasuke’s position and its toxic and unhealthy to both sasuke and sakura, who had -10000000000000 relationship development, and they both have much better bonds with other characters (ex. naruto and ino)

[clark3wayne]

I just... recently got into the jonsa ship and had no idea it was so hated?? :( imagine my shock when I went onto reddit. I just don't understand. I ship multiple things. I thought jonsa was cute and made sense. Never have I seen a ship so spat upon... Out of the hundreds of ships to ship in got, why is jonsa so bad to some people? :( why aren't reddit ppl hating on other ships too??

sadly, I think it’s mostly because Sansa is… not a very popular character. The fandom condemned her back in S1 and cannot seem to be able to forgive the mistakes of a 12 years old girl. From that moment, all excuses were good to hate on her, each one more ridiculous than the other before, and to this day, she’s still considered useless and annoying by some (never mind that she’s the one who’s been holding the North together, but you know, who cares right? That’s nothing compared to dragons).

Sansa Stark is also the portrayal of a more traditional femininity that people, more often than not, sadly associate with weakness. She sews, she fights back against her abusers in ways that make it seem that she’s not fighting at all, she keeps her mouth shut as she learns from the master manipulators around her, she organizes the rationing of food instead of learning how to fight… She’s not a warrior like Arya, nor is she a dragon rider like Da3nerys, therefore she cannot be considered worthy of the title “badass”.

So when you pair such a polarizing character with a fan favorite (Jon Snow), well you get the utter mess that is the got fandom right now. What makes it even worse is that Jonsa actually makes sense in terms of storytelling. So the more plausible they become, the more hated they are. It’s honestly just that simple.

(Let me specify that I’m in no way referring to those who simply don’t like the ship because they don’t find jonsa interesting. But, really, it’s easy to differentiate them from the antis.)

My advice? Keep away from reddit if you wish to preserve your sanity. Stick to the jonsa and house stark fandoms. You’ll be able to enjoy your ship and the story a lot more :)

[sakumosowainthirst]

I’m running on 4 hours of sleep and coffee; let’s make a controversial post! Today’s topic: Fates/Awakening ships I hate!  :D

Preface: I’m not hating on anyone who ships these.  I’m also not saying you can’t/shouldn’t ship these.  I’m merely voicing why I dislike them, because I usually keep it all to myself and just feel like screaming into the void today.  So all of this is just my opinion, and you don’t have to take it seriously, okay? C:  Also, I don’t want to have to type “to me” after every opinion, so just take it as implied.

Now then, let’s begin.

Lonliss/Lon’qu-Lissa

Easily my biggest dislike on the list.  I will never, ever, ever understand why this is Owain’s most popular parentage.  Their supports weren’t all that great, and they are just so different from each other in ways that I think they would just clash.  I’ve seen people who ship it say, “He would be so supportive of Owain’s banter!  He would encourage his playfulness!”  And all I can think is, “Are we thinking of the same Lon’qu?  The one who’s stoic, doesn’t talk much, is very serious and grumpy?  That Lon’qu?”  He’s the token tsundere, sure, but I really don’t see him accepting Owain; I actually see the opposite.  I feel like Lissa and Owain’s upbeat personalities would grate on his nerves, to the point he’d find them both unbearably embarrassing.  Lissa and Lon’qu also just have MUCH BETTER ships/supports with other characters, and tbh, they both deserve better.  Lissa and Owain deserve someone who gels with their sunshine energy, and Lon’qu deserves a more reserved partner.  Of all Owain’s dad ships, Lonliss is the only one I truly cannot, “see,” and no explanation has made me able to, “see,” it as they both are in canon, and probably never will, tbh.  Every other Lissa ship, I can find some sort of merit, even if I don’t ship it, but when I look at Lonliss, there is just none.  No chemistry, no commonality, no anything that makes them a good couple.  Not in canon, anyway.  I’ve heard a ton of headcanons for it (I’m an Owain stan and this is quite literally his most popular dad, it’s very common), and fanon is fine and dandy, but when it bends canon too much, it just doesn’t sit well with me, and Lon’qu being any sort of okay with Lissa and Owain just bends canon too much, to me.  They’re too hyper, he’s too reserved.  As a final thought, I’m admittedly not a fan of any ship that takes Lissa and Owain away from Ylisstol, and Lon’qu (along with Donnel) does.  Their ending states they live in Ferox, and I just don’t like that.  I like Owain growing up alongside Lucina.  Also, Cynthia and probably Morgan would be in Ylisstol, and Owain canon has the Justice Cabal with them in his youth, so that’s kind of contradictory if he’s born and raised in Ferox.  (I also personally headcanon both Lissa and Owain hating the cold, tbh.  Odin has a line about hating the cold in Anna’s DLC in Fates, and I think Lissa mentions hating snow at some point, too, though I could be wrong.)

Owainigo/Laslodin/Owain-Brady

Grouping these together because I’m equally meh on both.  I can definitely see them, but I don’t like them.  Owain and Inigo do become bros, but I kind of feel like they would still squabble like petty children like their Awakening supports.  It’s more in a brotherly way, though; they start off teasing each other and end up in a slap-hands fight.  I like them as a friendship, just not a romantic ship.

Owain/Brady I have more trouble seeing because their only commonality is their mothers, and their supports make them seem like casual friends at best.  I feel like their mothers is a big part of why they’re shipped, tbh, which is just kind of :T for me.  I can see them if I squint, but it’s not a ship I care for.

The saddest thing is, look up anything spicy for Owain, you’re going to find one of these two in it.  Either these two or...

Odiniles/Leodin/Leotrio Threesome

Oh boy, here we go, SakuMo disliking another popular pairing(s).  Odin and Niles canonically bicker.  Like, they are nasty to each other.  Odin says as much in their A rank.  He says they should try to get along more, but I’m not really sure how well that would turn out.  To be honest, the only thing they really have in common is their loyalty to Leo.  Lacking that, they’re two wildly different people.  I’m not saying that different people can’t work as a couple--it happens all the time--but if you lack at least some common ground, it makes it really hard for a relationship to work.  Devotion to your master isn’t really much common ground.  Given their canon history, dramatically different personalities, and lack of common interests, I just don’t see them being compatible.  Every Odiniles fic I’ve ever read had Niles uncharacteristically understanding of Odin, to the point it didn’t even feel like Niles at all/he was very OOC.  One again, fanon is fine--you do you!--but bending canon too much and/or in ways that don’t make sense to the character is just not my scene.

Leodin is one that I can kind of see, definitely more than Odiniles, which in no way works in my head, but I’m just not a fan of it, generally.  My dislike isn’t as strong as with Odiniles, but it’s still there.  And I’ll just say that I am not into poly, don’t like OT3s, threesomes, etc., so that should sum up my feelings on the Leotrio as an OT3.

Odilise, Lazura, Selbaki, a.k.a. “The Oedipus Complex Ships”

Don’t make the Trio marry their moms, fam.  Odilise is the most egregious one, tbh, because Elise is so much like Lissa and it’s so, so creepy to ship her with Odin.  Never mind that canon Elise is supposed to be like...14-15 (I reject this canon and substitute my own hc of 18, but I digress), and though we don’t know how long the Trio is in Nohr before the start of Fates, we can assume anywhere from six months to a year or two considering they are well-established as retainers, so Odin is probably in his early 20s, at youngest maybe 20-21.  (Granted, using the canon ages makes a lot of ships suspect, especially with the younger characters, but I digress.)  I get that Elise is a good stat mom for Ophelia and gives the “canon” hair, but the ship itself is just problematic on a lot of fronts.  She’s basically his mom, their supports are playful but it def feels brotherly-sisterly (granted most of Elise’s supports do) and throws in the romance literally out of left field in the S rank, and they just look kind of suspect together, fam.  I have unfortunately in my travels across the internet for Owain content seen Odin/Elise porn, and the fact it makes me uncomfortable in a, “this looks really illegal,” way speaks volumes.  And again, yes, I know the same would be true for other ships with Elise, and it’s why there are few I actually like with her.  But Odin/Elise just in particular bothers me because like Lonliss, I see it the most, and it’s made me irrationally bitter toward it.  This one and Lonliss are my two, “hair-trigger rage,” ships.  I see either, I get really annoyed.  I don’t voice this, mind--I keep on scrolling and ignore the content--but it does make me grumpy, lol.  They’re the two I can honestly say I hate instead of just saying I dislike.

Selbaki is a bit lesser, but it basically makes Severa her own grandma, don’t do that. xD  Severa already has a complex with trying to be perfect like her mom, so making her feel the same not only for her husband but also her daughter is just cruel to her.  Give Severa a break, y’all.

Lazura is the least similar, admittedly, but it’s still in the same vein.  Performer marrying a performer.  Of the three, I can tolerate it the most, but it’s still not great for me.

Corrin/Any sibling, including Azura

Look, I get it.  Corrin is, by technicality, not blood-related to any of them, with the exception of Azura, who is their blood-related cousin.  H O W E V E R, just because they find out that they aren’t blood-related to the Nohr siblings doesn’t mean the familial bonds just go POOF.  The Nohr siblings would definitely not be like, “I guess we can bang Corrin now.”  If this were the case, adopted families would never “truly” bond because they aren’t related by blood.  Corrin growing up in Nohr means that they would most likely always see the Nohr siblings as family, and vice-versa.

Hoshido, on the other hand, is a bit trickier.  While it’s true they aren’t blood-related, I want to say Ryoma is the only one who knows?  Like, I think he’s the only one who brings it up in the S Support?  But lacking that, Corrin and the rest of the Hoshido siblings do think they’re blood-related.  Hidden Truths states that Corrin never learned the truth about their real father, nor that Lilith is their sister.  All 3 routes play out with the assumption that Sumeragi was Corrin’s father, and if it’s stated otherwise, it’s maybe only in the beginning as a throwaway line during the Mikoto section.  You could make a plausible argument that the Trio could tell Corrin the truth, since all 3 of them have heart-rank lines where they reveal their real names and that they’re from another world, but that’s leading into possible canon rather than actual canon (and is also why I hc it).  But for all intents and purposes, Corrin thinks they are blood-siblings with the Hoshido fam, so that would make them less likely to pursue them romantically.  And even if they knew, they still all all each other brother/sister.

Azurrin is the trickiest.  It’s only in Revelation that the connection between Arete, Azura’s mother, and Mikoto, Corrin’s mother, is made, afaicr, so in Birthright and Conquest, Corrin technically wouldn’t know they are cousins.  However, Azura would.  Azura always knew everything, because her mother told her about Valla and taught her the traditional song and such.  She most likely knew Mikoto was her aunt.  Even on the off chance she didn’t know, it would still be an awkward down the line thing when they find out they’re cousins.  I know Japan is more lenient on the whole cousin-marriage thing, but...don’t have Shigure and Kana coming out looking like the Habsburgs, please, I beg you, lol.

My rule of thumb: if two characters refer to each other as, “brother,” or, “sister,” at any point, don’t let them fuck.  xD

Kana/Any Romantic/Sexual Ship

Kana is a child.  Stop it.  Stop it right now.  They are a baby.  I’VE SEEN FICS, I KNOW IT EXISTS, YOU SICK FUCKS.  Even aged up feels a little awkward, but I can be a little bit more lenient on that.  I just never will.  Kana is asexual and aromantic in my eyes, lol.

That’s all I can really think of right now; coffee is wearing off, I need a nap, lol.  Once again, please don’t be offended if I dislike a ship you like!  We are all different!  I just wanted to throw this out there on the off chance I do requests again and someone wants one of these written, because I would respectfully decline.  I don’t mean these to be hateful, just sort of venting into the ether in a mildly-exhausted stupor.

Also, you can try to counter me on some of these, but tbh, a few of them, I am stubbornly never going to change my mind, so we’d just go round and round in a circular argument if you tried.  xD  I like what I like and don’t like what I don’t, lol.  I’m not typically a multi-shipper, either, so you’d probably be hard-pressed to get me to shift at all, lol.  I mean that in the most loving way possible, too.

[scorpio-karma]

More TVD Bullshit: 4x06 Edition

I'm continuing my re-watch of certain episodes in S4 to basically remember (and understand) more about Bonnie, Expression and the whole story around it. My method right now is basically rewatch the episodes with Shane in them since he's the catalyst for the Expression SL. Anyways after the rude awakening that was episode 4, and my ability to get through episode 5 with less ranty moments so I thought I was prepared to get through episode 6 — I'll save you the time, no I wasn't. 

So in a twist of events the character that I hated the most was Stefan, and Caroline, who was actually barely in the episode, was a close second. With an episode that drives home that message of "Elena and only Elena matters" I would have thought that I'd hate her the most or at least Damon for being the one to drive that message, but no, it's Caroline and Stefan with how they got the hybrid Chris killed as his reward for helping them — and for who? Elena who I find in no way more worthy of life than him. Sure he was a character barely there for literally one episode, but it just points out the blaring issue of the special treatment Elena gets within the narrative of the show. However before I really start in on that I'm going to talk about the events that led up to this.

So before I even started the episode I found myself annoyed by the recap of episode 5. Elena get all weepy about killing Connor (vampire hunter) and immediately blames Damon for it. Now I’m not usually one to defend Damon -- he does a lot of bad shit with little rhyme or reason and I don’t have time for that kind of nonsense -- but the scene where she kills him it’s very clear why she killed him and they’re reason is personal to her, Jeremy. Damon was actually nowhere near that her mind, “stay away from my brother” neck snap, sounds very much like a vampire Elena with heightened emotions would do. Things like this are the reason why I don’t believe her turning into a vampire changed her personality -- it just heightened all the annoying qualities about her because as shown in earlier seasons she has no qualms with people dying as long as they aren’t her friends. Anyways this is literally the extent of my annoyance with her this episode which a miracle in itself. Instead we get a nice look into her brain and find out she is actually as self centered as she comes off. Unfortunately it’s under the guise of lamp-shading that leads nowhere and is mostly there as a jab at criticisms of the show. However I did enjoy the fact that she’s a lot more self-aware than she seems, but that weirdly makes her worse as a person. 

So into the episode, which involves Elena going insane due to the hunters curse which I’m pretty sure is the only reason she really feels bad for killing him. I guess I lied because Elena does annoy me briefly when she’s arguing with Stefan about not trusting him and says “don’t bring up Damon”. I just felt like saying “sweetie being waay too defensive for someone in the same boat” which I guess makes sense if you’re the cheating one in the relationship. They really didn’t set Elena up very well for her relationship with Damon -- things like this are the exact reasons why people say she cheated on Stefan with Damon. 

So anyways while Elena is having one of her episodes Klaus kidnaps her and the gang separates into two groups to save her -- the ‘productive’ group and the ‘makes everything worse’ group which Stefan is weirdly. I spent the majority of the episode wondering why he was trying to get her back from Klaus.He knew that she was perfectly safe with him. Sure there’s reasonable trust issues, but he knows better than anyone at this point tat Klaus has a vested interest in Elena staying alive, so while everyone is looking for a way to break the hunters cure he wastes an episode trying to find a suicidal from basically her rubber room -- believe it or not those actually have a function and it’s to protect people from themselves. 

I’m going to start with the productive group because they annoyed me a lot less. It’s basically Bonnie and Damon going to Shane. This plan starts with Bonnie saying the spirits won’t let her use magic and Damon forcefully telling her to do something and then she does. That right there annoyed me because for one, why is she acting reluctant is we the audience know she’s going to do it anyway. That was at first what I thought to be one of the few subtle ways the show uses to take her agency away because she can’t even do something voluntary at this point, but then something Elena’s hallucination of Katherine got me thinking. She says that “you got her Grams killed, her mother turned into a vampire. I’m pretty sure Bonnie hates you” (paraphrased). This episode made me think that is very plausible because she’s the only one treating the situation with the right amount urgency. She’s not jumping immediately to save Elena’s life and when they find the solution she’s not immediately telling Jeremy to kill a vampire. She tries to make sure everything isn’t worse by asking Jeremy if he truly wants to become a hunter. This is about the closest she get’s to character development that’s immediately taken away by not immediately jumping to save Elena. God how I wish things had stayed that way, actually if I’m wishing for something it would be for Bonnie to have actually killed Elena at prom, but sadly if that happened I know the writers would just have her dying bringing back Elena instead of Jeremy that season, but hey, that at least would have made more sense.

Anyway there’s Damon who didn’t annoy me, but I did find him pretty much useless. Him going with her to see Shane was pointless, in fact truer to his character he should have been apart of the making everything worse group. He actually made little sense to me here by not doing the irrational “save Elena” thing. There was literally no sense of urgency with him even when found her on the bridge and has to save her from killing herself. And even earlier when he calls Stefan makes little sense.

And while I’m on things that make little sense to me, April Young. Now she’s not exactly my favorite character, but I honestly don’t get the hate around her. I would have actually expected more people to be defending her since she’s only there as a ditsy plot device. Granted if she had been killed off there were more worthy characters of her place such as the hybrid Chris in this episode, but to me she was always a non-entity -- she has zero agency or even character development, she was a legit prop and no different in this episode as a way to expose Shane who I gotta say for such a ‘mastermind’ (I’ll give him credit for setting up the sacrifices as well as he did), he was really terrible at covering his tracks. Hosting an event at the same place as the girl who’s father you convince to sacrificially kill himself and others is either absent minded or that cruel either way neither is smart.

Caroline and Tyler quite honest was one of my favorite ships, but this episode reminded me why I found it easy to ship her with Klaus (which has since waned to not a ship I prefer, but I still don’t hate). This show also reminded me that for a show that spent so much effort avoiding the words slave or slavery, they sure make a lot of allusions to it. First with Emily, then with just about every black witch and the literally with Klaus and his sired hybrids who are his henchmen without a choice. And Tyler let’s Caroline in on his secret to change that and she immediately betrays that by actively, with Stefan, getting Chris killed. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so mad a Caroline as a character because she was always the one with the most character development, but this was just an episode that highlighted that she can be just as hypocritical as Elena. 

Edit: I thought I posted this but apparently I didn't and it's been in my drafts for over a year.

[atamascolily]

A Natural History of Tatooine, part 13/?

In which Luke ponders his reflection, lamentable world-building choices are lampshaded, and Tor has an opportunity to use her permits.

(Previous installments)

Back in the 'fresher after their sparring, Luke surveyed his face in the mirror, unsettled by what he saw there. He'd always felt older than he looked after his ordeal on Cloud City, but his week on the <i>Eye of Palpatine</i> had aged him more than he liked to admit. The bruises had vanished after a few weeks, the medical droids had removed the shrapnel edges, and Cilghal had thoughtfully erased the scars, but there were lines and subtle wrinkles around the edges of his face that hadn't been there before. And every pain and grief he had experienced in the last decade was present in his eyes; whether he was aware of it or not in the moment, he carried those experiences with him.

<i>When nine hundred years you reach, look this good you will not!</i> Yoda had chided Luke on his deathbed. Studying his reflection now, Luke had to agree his old teacher had had a point.

Since Callista left--just before the start of the practice period--he'd been too wrapped in a dull stupor to bother with shaving. Over those weeks, he hadn't managed to grow anything more than a few inches of ragged stubble across his jawbone. The grizzled hermit beard had suited Ben Kenobi well enough, but didn't suit Luke at all. He made a face and shaved, careful not to cut himself in the process.

With the beard gone, he looked and felt more like his old self, the happy-go-lucky kid who had traipsed off with Obi-wan to the stars, eager for adventure. It wasn't enough to completely restore him, but it was a start.

What had Tor said to him last night? Something about how the vast emptiness of interstellar space was less terrifying than the empty places inside his own mind and heart. Yes, that sounded about right. Right now, Luke found drifting in space to be infinitely preferable to examining the past--except that his thoughts always circled back to the worst moments, round and round in an endless slurry of guilt and self-blame.

He'd been through so much pain and suffering in his life thus far. So many battles, so many enemies, so many losses, so many failures: Owen and Beru slaughtered, his right hand hacked off at the wrist, nearly falling to the Dark Side goaded by Emperor Palpatine's taunts. He'd lost his father, only to regain him moments before he died, too late to truly know him. There was Dev Sibwarra's death at the hands of the Ssi-ruuvi, and that disaster at Mindor, where he'd been forced to kill to save his own life and the lives of billions.  

As a teacher, he had not fared much better. He'd almost lost Kyp to the dark side, and three of his Jedi students were now dead. He thought he'd lost Callista, only to have her miraculously reborn in Cray's body--only to lose her again. And now Mara was gone, too--

This must have been how Ben felt when he went into exile, Luke thought. Everyone he knew gone, slaughtered by his own student. How his failures must have eaten at him, every day, alone in the desert. How comforting the desert must have been for him in those dark early days when the Empire was rising.

The desert was a good place to go when you were empty.

Luke had grown up listening to the desert: the howling sandstorms that lasted for days, the dull swish of the dune sand shifting under his feet, the clatter of pebbles falling from the canyon edges into the depths below. Inevitably, the sounds always faded, revealing the implacable silence underneath, the silence that had endured forever and would outlast time. In the stillness, his thoughts rang loud and clear, echoed by the silent voice of the desert that proclaimed his emptiness.

In adolescence, he had rebelled against that desolate, unbearable feeling of isolation. He'd always strived to be someone, someone grand and important, accomplishing great things. He'd stood on the edge of the desert, watching the sunset, his heart aching, swearing he would make something with his life, move beyond the empty wasteland that had dominated his life thus far.

He had succeeded beyond his wildest dreams. He'd saved the galaxy several times over, played a pivotal role in the defeat of the Empire, gained the power to manipulate minds and matter beyond the ken of ordinary folk. Yet--here he was, lonely and defeated, grappling again with the weight of his own failures. Empty.  

And he wasn't alone. Tor was here with him. She might be annoying as hell, but at least she wouldn't abandon him. And she wasn't afraid of emptiness. It was a fundamental tenet of her sect, after all.

"Form does not differ from emptiness," she'd said. "Emptiness does not differ from form. Feelings, perceptions, formations are also like this. Vast emptiness--nothing holy, and yet everything holy."

For Tor, form and emptiness were simultaneously the same thing and complete opposites. It was a paradox Luke didn't understand--one that Tor insisted <i>couldn't</i> be understood by reason, it could only be experienced as a fundamental paradox of reality.

"<i>Do or do not. There is no try,</i>" Yoda had insisted. Luke had taken it to mean that he should plunge himself wholeheartedly into the task at hand, holding nothing back. But Yoda had always been subtle, and it was increasingly clear that the "do not" was just as important to the old Jedi master as any concrete action--perhaps even more so.

Maybe it's time to make peace with the desert, he thought. Maybe it's time to accept the emptiness--inside and outside--instead of fighting it.

Funny. He thought he'd learned that lesson before, with his father, with his sister, with his students, over and over again. Yet here he was, right back at it again. <i>Round and round I go, over and over again, until the lesson sinks in, one that might take me my whole life to learn.</i>

And yet--and yet--if there was one thing Luke had learned from his father Anakin Skywalker, it was that it was never too late to let go of hate, fear, and aggression, and embrace love and acceptance.

It wouldn't be easy. If it were easy, he would have already done it. And yet--

He would go back to the desert, and he would see what it had to offer him now. He would listen to the silence, and let himself be empty. And perhaps, out of that vast space, a new direction would emerge.

***

"Ah, good," said Tor, upon his entrance to the conservatory a few minutes later. "I meant to warn you about the starving jenka cat attacking your face, but you seem to have dealt with it very handily. My congratulations."

Luke brushed aside a plume of purple orchids and sat down by the holo-table. "I take it I meet with your approval now."

"Well, if 'cult leader of questionable mental stability' was the look you were aiming for earlier, you nailed it," Tor said as she spritzed a series of green tufts with no discernable roots that were dangling from hooks in the ceiling. "I much prefer this version of Luke Skywalker, myself."

"Duly noted," Luke said dryly. "How do those plants survive floating in mid-air like that?"

"These are Miraki air-plants," Tor said. "As the name suggests, they take water and moisture through their leaves - sort of like mini vaporators, except they horde the water for themselves," Tor said.  "In the wild, they form dense colonies on top of anything that will sit still for long enough--including some of the dumber herbivores--but I've had trouble adapting them to the altered humidity levels aboard ship. Their growth is tied in to the direction of the local magnetic fields, and they express their resentment of the fluctuating levels here by developing brown rot and expiring."

"That's--very strange."

Tor shrugged. "As you may have noticed, the galaxy is a strange place. Most people find that troubling, so they do their best not to look too hard. But you'll find oddities like these air-plants anywhere you go."

"Not on Tatooine," Luke said firmly.

"On the contrary. The <i>Galactic Field Guide to the Outer Rim Territories, Volume Six</i> claims that there are no plants on Tatooine at all. If that's true, what do wild banthas eat?"

Luke frowned. "I guess that depends on what you mean by 'plant'. There are certainly some plant-like things out there in the dunes and canyons, and plenty of desert lichen and salt-flat algae in shadier spots. I always assumed that banthas ate them."

"A reasonable assumption," Tor agreed. "But banthas are <i>big</i>--several hundred pounds at a minimum. How much lichen would a single bantha have to consume each day just to stay alive? Is that really sustainable?"

He saw where she was going with this. "So how do they do it, then?"

Tor shrugged. "Like I said, the galaxy is a strange place. We know they must do it somehow, because wild bantha populations exist, but we have no idea how. That's where people like me come in. We poke around, ask annoying, inconvenient questions, and, if we're lucky, eventually emerge with an explanation ranging from the plausible and obvious to the incredibly bizarre."

"I thought we were looking for non-existent trees, not banthas."

"We are. I'm just using the banthas to prove my point. Every place that supports life is full of these odd, impossible contradictions. Once you start to notice them, they're everywhere. It's one of the things that makes my job so fun."

"And the others?"

"Well, I get to travel to interesting places and meet interesting people. And you never know what's going to happen next--"

"Sounds like being a Jedi then,"

"There is some overlap," Tor agreed. "It's one reason why we get along so well, don't you think?"

"And here I thought it was my personality--"

Luke was cut off by the high-pitched whine of the alarm, informing them that they would be dropping out of hyperspace shortly. Both of them were on their feet and heading for the cockpit, just in time to see the starlines shrink down to single points of light, and the great brown sphere of the planet out of the central viewports.

"Do you want me to land at the spaceport in Mos Eisley?" Luke asked, as he strapped himself into the pilot's chair without asking Tor for permission.

"Do I <i>look</i> like an idiot?" Tor said, sliding herself into the co-pilot's chair beside him. If Luke's usurpation of her rightful place bothered her, she didn't comment.  

"...No."

"Take us in closer and I'll put in the coordinates of where I'm aiming for," Tor said. "This is going to be fun."

***

Halfway through their descent into the atmosphere, the comm crackled. "Unidentified ship, please state your name and business," a grim voice declared in heavily accented but intelligible Basic.

"False IDs are right there," Tor whispered, pointing to a dial on Luke's right. She turned to the comm. "This is the <i>Chvantha Maru</i>, on a routine survey mission for the Independent Academic Explorer's Corps."

"Negative," said the controller. "Alter your present course to land at Mos Eisley spaceport and communicate with proper authorities."

"I don't think you understand," Tor said. "We have no business in Mos Eisley. We're here for aerial surveys and will land only in the event of an emergency. Besides, we have permits."

"All permits must be submitted through the proper channels," said the controller, with obvious skepticism. "No such permits have been received."

"Right here," Tor whispered to Luke with a grin. "I got them all ready right here."

Luke raised an eyebrow, but transmitted the permits. They kept descending.

"<i>Chvantha Maru</i> if that's really your name," sputtered the comm a few minutes later. "Permits denied. Alter your course to Mos Eisley spaceport or be destroyed."

"How rude!" Tor remarked under her breath. "I thought you said nobody cared if we landed on this dustball?"

"Well-- things must have changed," Luke said. "Last time I was here, we came in at night behind the moons to avoid stirring up any Imperial or Hutt presence. If anyone saw us, they assumed we were smugglers and left us alone."

"Did you not read the permits I sent you?" Tor said into the microphone. "What part of 'Don't even bother trying to stop me' did you not understand? Did I use the wrong verb?"

"You still want to bribe them?" Luke asked under his breath.

Tor snorted. "I'll save my credits, thank you very much. These guys are all talk--"

"<i>Chvantha Maru</i>, this is your last chance. Alter your course, or be destroyed--"

"Oh, I don't know about that," Luke said, pointed to the dashboard, where at least five fighters were barreling towards them. "The markings are all wrong for the planetary government. Those look like Hutt ships to me."

"I see them, I see them," Tor said. "Can you evade them?"

Luke studied the approaching vessels as he pondered his options. The whole situation was completely absurd. He was a Jedi Knight, a distinguished ex-general in the New Republic military, traveling under false IDs to a backwards planet for questionable ends. Leia would be upset if he triggered a diplomatic incident, assuming word of this clandestine expedition ever got back to her.

He hadn't fought or flown in a starship battle in <i>years</i>.

He looked down towards the sandy wastes that stretched out below them in endless waves, then back at the coordinates Tor had fed the <i>Destiny</i>'s navicomputer. If they maintained their present course, they'd be directly over the territory that Luke had spent his adolescence exploring, poking about every nook and cranny until he'd known like the back of his hand.

And in a sudden burst of insight, he knew exactly what he needed to do to win. <i>Without</i> hurting anyone in the process.

Unless they weren't good pilots, in which case they deserved what they got if they were crazy enough to follow him--

"Strap in, and hold tight," Luke said, a wide grin stretching across his face as he embraced the full audacity of his plan. "I have an idea."

[maneaterwithtail]

Why I likely will not love, just like Pearl and her series

I tend to like the characters people hate. Asoka made perfect sense for me from the beginning. I even like jar jar and love midi-chlorians. Overall when I dislike someone it's usually when righteousness is afforded to them as opposed to them just being annoying especially if theire annoying this is treated as if it's annoying. As an example I don't actually hate Korra from Legend of Korra I'm just frustrated with its writing and her fan base. 

Though I suppose if there is a main character that I dislike in Steven Universe it's Pearl. In no small part there's her fans because chances are there were 'pressed or budding queerfolk who view any attack on her as an attack on the entire concept of their identity. The fact that she's painstakingly tied into said Rebel lesbian identity while often referencing revolutionary girl utena which in my opinion did a much better job handling that as an identity / phenomena

But I don't have any real rational reasons. There's this one moment in this one episode that permanently pissed me off about ttheshow, months later it was still pissing me off. Okay this wasn't the first time this had happened with the sshow. at one point you would receive extra canonical material or the characters be characterized one way and then when it was necessary for the plot characterized another way. A popular one is when Pearl said she can't stand eating so that that way she doesn't become present at a parent get together which causes some really annoying hijinks. But that's just one episode. no, what really collapsed my suspension of disbelief for her as a character and required me to desperately not think she was a real character but just a series of events that did whatever the episode wanted her to?

"What is a sch-ool?"

To be clear this is an alien being who comes from another planet where they have temples. They understand the purpose of Arenas in which to fight for displaying to martial prowess. And she has a 14 year old human son. She's been on Earth for thousands of years. Also she doesn't just know how to operate a motor vehicle and repair one she talks explicitly about traffic laws these cannot be any older than 200 plus years. Despite all of this she does not know what a school is a human practice that has been practiced for thousands of years

That moment, right there, completely destroyed all credibility as a character. She'll have emotional moments that she evokes very well. Because they give her some pretty solid writing and her actress does a damn fine job. But that does not matter because they've basically told me in certain terms that she is made of stupid writing trying to be witty. Whenever they want to make her alien they will make her inexplicably alien and Incredibly dumb to make a plot go forward. Whenever they want to make her too traumatized they will make her too traumatized to justify some bullshit. It's everything I Hate About Mary Sue writing ( even though she is most certainly not a Mary Sue.) Arbitrary in order to evoke audience sympathy rather than earn it and ignore consistency with either setting or character. I don't even hate her that much it's just when they say care about her that I can't do it. I'm always at an enormous divide whenever they try to center on the character.

again this would be okay if she weren't front-and-center on several plots. And hating her basically didn't come with an immediate Repulsor field of saying anything bad or evil or mean about her basically brings out every lesbian, girl who's not like other girls, animation aspirant, or Shoujo Manga fan who's had to deal with any harassment at any point in their lives and assumes that you're part of another chain of evil man figures. Cuz seriously Pearl is really really bothersome. And it gets more so when it feels like her bother some parts get put aside to make her more sympathetic or to make sympathetic allusions. 

The big one for me was when they implied she was going to date a human woman. Despite the fact almost every other word out of her mouth about humans is utter contempt and disgust along with the aapprehensive fact she knows so little about their culture she can't pick up on 2000 year plus old practices. This would imply a level of bigotry that I honestly appreciate the entire fandom accepting in dis course

But much like a popular web novel series apparently her victimhood due to status and how she's crafted in terms of appealing identity matters more than the actual actions and character she displays. This is made even worse due to recent Revelations where I'm supposed to care even more

What's weird about it is that Pearl is in my opinion an incredibly well-written bigoted character. But she's not appreciated as such she's appreciated as basically a Justified bitch. And if any male character dares to show a similar level of fault unless yyou are stanning or shipping them they will be hated the fuck out oof or just dismissed. As far as I'm concerned Uncle Andy is Pearl with Aviation as opposed to space flight and spear use. He's effectively the straight older guy version of pearl. But no one will see that because all they can see is 

oh she's autistic just like me 

she's post-traumatic stress disorder just like me 

oh she's a lesbian or atypical about feminism in some sort of way just like me. 

And this got very explicit with one Tumblr poster who out and out said this then privately contacted me when I reblogged that moment to have me delete it and then close down her entire blog. This gets particularly bad due to the greater critical Steven Universe sentiment. Which honestly I want to enjoy but I can't help but feel that they're more pissed off that the lesbian Revolution was not what was being televised and not frustration with various storytelling beats because almost all the common storytelling criticism get apologized for by every fan and blamed on Cartoon Network

This is not helps with the plausible deniability especially combined with stuff that's happened above.

There is a fractal wrongness with the "what is a school" line coming from Pearl. To be fair it actually comes from Steven but she's basically repeats it a scene later and reveals her ignorance. Ignoring the fact that it's unrealistic for her to be ignorant or to not have looked it up in a fucking dictionary. There's the fact that that's "what is this thing you humans called love and or kissing?" level writing.

. Pearl is very deliberately kind of the anti girl written for guys sort of character. She's very much a girl written for girls sort of character. And I don't mean aimed at a female audience. I mean she's like the anti Starfire. this extends to hur character design which is all sharp edges along with the very deliberate I'm a lesbian fuck off codifiers that I keep mentioning. And the way they often and continuously show her as complicated is to do stupid shit like this. Make her have a breakdown and or make her ignorant about a human subject but only in a convenient way for a narrative. And when the consequences come they will be softened considerably because we need to be recognizing that she is a mentally ill lesbian who was oppressed and abused.

[midorimochi]

you know i gotta ask saimota for the meme, but also iruouma?

Okie dokie~

(This got very long, I hope you don’t mind OTL)

saimota 💕

When I started shipping it if I did: Well, at first I thought they were going to be the classic best bros™ whose friendship was supposed to offer an example of the typical manly bond you usually see on shonen anime, but the way Shuuichi started to look forward his time with Kaito, the way he even seemed jealous of Maki joining them (lol), the way Kaito always got protective and defensive over him (Shuuichi got all defensive too :3) the unconditional trust and support Kaito always put on him and the way they relied on each other through and throughout made their bond very strong and their relationship really intense and unique! It’s absolutely my DR OTP ;u;

My thoughts: They deserved a happy ending, dammit!

What makes me happy about them: The way they helped each other grow as people, because while it’s true that Shuuichi became stronger thanks to Kaito I also think that Kaito learned his own lesson from Shuuichi as well, since he did realize his own mistakes in the end.

What makes me sad about them: Kaito is there no more :c but on the bright side, we know Shuuichi will always carry his memories in his heart, right? c:

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: In general mischaracterization but at the moment I haven’t read enough fics to say there’s something in particular that I dislike.

Things I look for in fanfic: As long as they’re IC, I’m opened to everything, really! Just… if you have to change Kaito’s mindset (his views on gender roles especially) it should be gradual. Remember that this guy is prideful and stubborn as hell (a bit childish too) and he takes his time to think about his own mistakes (and to realize where he’s eventually wrong), otherwise, he wouldn’t have sulked at Shuuichi for an entire chapter (that’s my opinion at least).

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Shuuichi => Kiibo (it’s such a blessed ship tbh), Kaede (I admit I liked their ship-tease in her FTEs, less in the game but I’m okay with them as pairing all in all), Kokichi (I liked how protective he was of him in his FTEs, such as preventing him to hurt himself omg) and Rantaro too (I know he’s aro/ace but I think they’d work really well together if they had a chance. Kaito => Maki (it’s a very good ship), Kaede (a dream team, really), Miu (a crack ship but with such a potential tbh), Kokichi (from hate to partners in crime to lovers, it’s good!) and basically anyone really, but my fave pairings with Kaito are those five especially c:

My happy ending for them: Resolving an old, impossible case involving N/ASA and Area 51 together lol

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: I think they could switch but more often than not Kaito is the big spoon and Shuuichi the little spoon (thinking of saimota cuddles is making my heart melt

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Training, of course :D

Iruouma ♡

When I started shipping it if I did: I’m still unsure… because while I was going through the gameplay I’ve never thought of them as a romantic pairing and I still think they rock as a BROTP… I read a platonic fic with the two of them that I really really liked and I also read theories of people according to which their cooperation could even have included sex but personally, I believe it’s a stretch. The fact is that Kokichi hasn’t a confirmed sexuality even if I had a hard time seeing him with a girl at first, but I found myself agreeing with those who think that he’s simply drawn to people that raise interest in him, such as Shuuichi, Kaito, and Kaede, so… But if there’s romantic content of them I’ll look for it.

My thoughts: I think they’re very similar and they have many things in common. There’s also the question “did Kokichi keep on insulting Miu out of spite or because she liked it?” lingering, and there’s no confirmed answer 👀

What makes me happy about them: The fact that Miu somewhat opened herself to him. Canon suggests that she’s really been her true self only around Kiibo “When it came to machines, she was genuine. She had a natural innocence she kept hidden inside” but Kokichi was the only one with whom she’s been honest because she openly admitted how scared she really was only in front of him (maybe she did talk about it with Kiibo as well but he said nothing to respect her privacy, we can’t be sure… Kiibo couldn’t be aware of the Secret of the Outside World though, mmm…). Add the fact that Kokichi seemed to truly empathize with her at that moment, feeling bad for her later as well.

What makes me sad about them: The fact that they never had the opportunity to get to know each other better and to understand how similar they were to each other, it could have been a great friendship…

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: For curiosity, I tried to read smut with the two of them but her consent wasn’t too explicit… Non-con wasn’t the main intention I guessed, since the tag wasn’t there so…

Things I look for in fanfic: A plausible dynamic. If they’re supposed to be a romantic pairing then so be it, but I think it would be complicated so I believe keeping them IC should be important, above all;

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Miu => Kiibo, Kaito, Kaede (I liked how Kaede handled her in her FTEs, they’d have a nice dynamic), Kokichi => Shuuichi (let him be happy with his fave detective), Kaito.

My happily ever after for them: Pranking Kaito in the afterlife :P

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: OMG I don’t know… but I guess I like both the combinations… I wonder if Miu likes to cuddle people letting them use her chest as a pillow? (I’m joking lol)

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Trash talk people they dislike ahah    

Thank you so much for the ask and for your support in general, really 💖