#even like. this girl went to school in a state where i know someone lived for two years overlap and im WORRYING abt that......

[yourtipsygrandma]

It always gives me a chuckle to see all these posts about how Americans always respond to the question “where are you from” with their state or town.

I was fortunate enough to be able to travel Europe a few times and to have a couple road trips across the US when I was younger, and my least favorite question has always been “where are you from.”

I traveled in Europe before being able to sleep in my car across the USA. But even in Europe if people asked me that question, I always said the US. and they’d get annoyed with me! Roll their eyes and say “obviously, yeah, but where?”

Maine. I’m from Maine. Oh, you haven’t heard of it? I’m not surprised. Most Americans can’t name the 50 states, I don’t expect you to know them. But it would always spiral into a rather awkward conversation. The few times I got tired of the derision and straight up said Maine, I would get “I thought you were American” or “what?”.

AND THEN I ROAD TRIPPED ACROSS THE USA TWICE. and wow. Just wow. In California, I had someone say “oh, is Maine in the Middle East?”. In Texas, I had someone ask if Maine had paved roads & indoor plumbing, and they were completely serious. In Arizona, Nevada, Utah, & Idaho, people asked me “what’s Maine.”

Anyways, Canada you’re exempt. Always been pleasant, despite the lobster wars. You’re a real one.

Quebec’s on thin ice though.

[queers-gambit]

What Goes Around, Comes Around

prompt: ( requested ) Billy's known for his temper and being obsessed with his pretty little girlfriend - which gets her severely injured by his past transgressions.

pairing: Billy Hargrove x female!cheerleader!reader reader and Billy are both 18+, seniors in high school

word count: 6.7k+

fandom masterlist: Stranger Things

note: you're a liar if you didn't immediately start singing Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around... Comes Around".

warnings: remember there are different responses to trauma! some people shut down, stop talking; others jabber and chatter nervously. reader is the latter. we got angst, we got literal hurt and comfort, established relationship. term "going postal" is used, cursing, technically underage drinking, not edited, author mildly gave up at the end. triggering content: depictions of physical violence, depictions of injury and blood, depiction of abuse, violent plots, Billy's girl gets physically assaulted (but it's minimally detailed).

DO NOT read if this content can potentially trigger you. you are NOT missing anything, you will miss NOTHING by skipping this, but i do try to keep the details as neutral as possible. again, prioritize yourself, mental health, and emotional state - this ain't worth the read if it's gonna upset you, i promise. author loves you all

"That's fucking her, I swear to God."

"You sure?"

"100%. That's Billy's little bitch he's obsessed with."

The three guys smirked at one another, eyeing you across the living room as you giggled and drank with a few friends in adorable, fashion forward outfits. Someone started a game of beer pong, you on the sidelines to cheer, giving them a full-show of your form.

"She's hot," Jake mused. "I can see why he keeps her so close."

"Nah, not tonight," Lawrence frowned, "heard they got in some huge fight at school. Like, she walked home and he sped off in his car."

"Hm, heard he's ridiculously protective of her... She must've really pissed him off," the third boy, Steven, nodded. "So, he's not here tonight?"

"Doubt it," Jake nodded.

"Go find out," Steven advised. "There, the basketball bros - one of them would know. Or a cheerleader," he eyed the crowd. "Chrissy's over there, Brittany's beside her - they'd be the best bet in my mind."

"We seriously considering this?" Lawrence asked with a small, nervous chuckle. "I mean, it's kinda crazy, isn't it? We're gonna send Billy Hargrove a message by roughing up his girl? There's not some better way?"

"I'd love to hear it," Steven scoffed. "Billy's too comfortable at the top of the school, broke my fucking nose and deviated Jake's septum. Didn't he fuck your sister the first week he was here, Lawrence?"

"I mean - "

"Broke her fucking heart, didn't he?" Jake tacked on.

"Well, yeah," Lawrence sighed, shrugging.

"You tell me, dude, was that shit fair?"

"No," Lawrence looked down.

"So, yeah, I know, it's bad to hit a lady - but what about my boot? Huh?" Steven smirked, nodding. "Go find out what you can. Last thing we need is Billy walkin' in the party, right?"

Jake nodded with enthusiasm, leaving Lawrence behind. He hesistated but then did as Steven asked; asking the present basketball team members if Billy gave indication he was coming. The cheerleaders assured he wouldn't dare show up when you were there after a very public fight, and if he did, it would be to cause another scene.

So, after reporting back to Steven, a plan was formed. Lawrence didn't seem fully on board, but in an effort to save his own skin, he went along with what Jake and Steven were plotting - even if that meant roughing up a woman. Something his mama and grandmama vehemently taught him not to do...

Something churned in his stomach when he heard how the two lads were nearly foaming at the mouth to get their revenge. So, he casually went to grab another drink - pausing where a few of your friends were. "Oi," he whispered, earning their attention.

"Hey, Law," Chrissy smiled.

"Hey, Chris," he sniffled, glancing around. "Listen, uh, you seen Billy 'round?"

"No? Why?"

"Hmm, just, uh... Heard his girl was all upset, thought maybe her drinking all that much was a bad idea without him around."

"Oh," Chrissy blinked, looking up at her boyfriend, Jason, as he approached the group with two drinks in hand. "I didn't think about it like that, Law."

"What's wrong?" Jason asked.

"No, nothing, Lawrence just pointed out how shitty it is to drink without someone watching your back," she pouted.

He nodded, "You lose your friends, man?"

"No, just tryna look out," Lawrence shrugged. "Few girls here drinking a lot, not a lot of defenses 'round them."

Jason frowned, "That's kinda their man's job, isn't it?"

"What if their man isn't here?"

"I'm gonna be right back," Chrissy smiled, parting ways with her girlfriend in tow - and when Law looked, they were using the kitchen telephone. He prayed they were phoning the Hargrove residence.

Lawrence sighed in slight relief and nodded to Jason; the white boy just nodding back silently and letting the other athlete pass him by to head back for Jake and Steven. He grabbed an unopened beer on his way to maintain appearances.

"Hey, we got it," Jake smirked at the third boy, "she just went outside, we should move now."

"Huh?" Law mumbled.

"C'mon," Steven growled, pushing off the mantle and stalking for the backdoors to follow your retreating form.

"Wait, what're we doing?" Law asked, trying to keep up with the drunken, elongated strides of the two dickheads he called 'friends'. "Hey! Guys, c'mon - what's going on?"

"Just - shut up, pussy boy, let's go, fuckin' keep up," Steven sneered, shoving the glass door out of his way and nearly cracking it.

Outside, the in-ground pool was alight with multicolored lights. There were teenagers littered all around the pool deck; some lounging and some standing, all drinking. There was a kegstand in play, ping pong table hosting another game of Beer Pong, and the thick stench of cigarette smoke in the air.

"She's over there," Jake pointed, their sights turning to see you leaning over to huff on your cigarette while Tammy May Flipsen lit the end of it. Your smile was genuine as you thanked her, just stepping two feet away to gaze up at the stars - a perfect time to strike.

The alcohol in everyone's system made them slow, vulnerable, and downright stupid; leaving Steven and Jake the opportunity to seize either of your arms and literally rush you around the corner of the house without anyone intervening.

Once in the remote side yard, the sickening plan commenced.

Lawrence could barely approach, managing to watch with tears in his eyes as the noises of the party masked the noises of pain you emitted; two nearly full-grown men took out their anger towards your boyfriend on you. You cried, begged for reprieve, sounded so confused and broken that it shattered Lawrence's heart - briefly thinking what if someone did this to his sister...

That made him spring into action. "Hey! No! No, this ain't right! Get off her!" Lawrence barked, shoving the two away from your body on the ground. "That's enough - back off - fuck is wrong with you!?"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!?" Steven demanded.

"Bitch has it coming!"

"What? You fuckin' her, too? Got you pussy whipped like Billy Boy?"

"Just fuck off, beating on a girl!" Lawrence snapped, but it was a huge mistake. Jake and Steven shared a single look before launching at the third boy, beating him as they had you - but much harder. He swore he earned a concussion, their heels stomping his neck, collarbones, wrists, ribs, ankles; exactly the same as they did to you.

"Tryna defend her now!?" Jake heaved, giving a swift kick to Lawrence's kidney. "Huh? You're so scared of Billy but you're gonna mess with his girl?" He laughed. "She must have a magic cunt or something!"

"You're so fucking pathetic, you have to beat up a girl!?" Law shot right back, earning a swift kick to the jaw from the lad that used to play soccer (or American fútbol). "Huh? Two on one? Such big men, aren't yah?" He sneered again, spitting blood to the side.

"Leave it," Steven halted Jake when he charged again, "they're both pretty fucked."

"Well, that dumbass should learn a lesson 'bout interfering!"

"Law's learned - he has, bro, and if he wants, he can learn again," Steven spat on Lawrence's form, Jake doing the same to you - both eventually stalking away like bored toddlers walking away from broken toys.

Slowly, Lawrence grunted as he pulled himself up to sit against the side of the house. "Fuck's sake," he whispered, wiping his eyes and wincing when he felt the sore skin - trailing a finger up, wincing again when he discovered split skin above his eyebrow. "Ohhhh, fuuuuck," Law drawled when you slowly peaked up from your fetal position on the ground. "Hey, hey, you all right? Stupid question," he hissed in pain when he moved to try and assist you.

You cried out when his grip laid on you, but powered through to let him help you sit against the house, too. "Holy shit," you whispered, blood dribbling from your mouth; teeth feeling loose, a headache already assaulting you, and cuts stinging in the bitter night.

"I'm so sorry."

"N-No, you - it would've been so much worse if you hadn't..." You trailed off, sniffling, "You didn't have t'jump in, you got hurt 'cause of me."

"You got hurt 'cause of Billy," Lawrence frowned.

"Huh?"

"That's why they're so pissed off," Lawrence explained, spitting more blood to the side; his jeans stained with mud, blood, and grass. "Billy got their asses few weeks ago, they're still pissed... I heard them," he deflected smoothly, "talkin' about teaching Billy a lesson through you. Didn't feel right, but I should've stopped them so much sooner. I-I'm sorry I didn't do more, Y/N."

"You did more than anyone else," you whimpered, drawing your knees into your chest to lock your arms around them. "I don't even know them, they go to our school?"

"We're all in AP History with Snyder."

You paused to nod absently, not even bothering to try and recall any interactions you might've had with Steven and Jake. Instead, you eyed your savior, mumbling, "You're Lawrence, right?"

"Yeah," he breathed.

"Your sister's... Cara? Sarah? No, no," you paused to think, his frown deepening as you seemed so nice and authentic. "Your sister's name is Natalie, right?"

"Yeah," he half-smiled. "You know her?"

"She's a sweetheart, has those cute glasses? Yeah, I like her; she just joined cheer, right?"

"Yeah, that's her."

You eyed him for a moment, ignoring the blood dripping off you both from the beat down; then whispered with a sniffle, "Is that why you helped? 'Cause your sister's on the cheer squad, too?"

"No," he replied instantly, sounding quiet (like you), "I'd like to believe if I saw something I know is wrong... I'd be the type of person to step in, try to stop it."

"You did tonight."

"I should've done more a lot sooner."

"You could've been really hurt, Law."

"Like you?"

"I'm just - look, two guys? Beatin' on me? Yeah," you scoffed, wiping blood from your split lip, "like I ever stood a chance. But you didn't have t'do all that, they wanted Billy, found me instead. You could've walked away, but instead, you jumped in, and you could've been really hurt. That wouldn't help anyone."

"I'm still sorry..."

You sniffled, but before you could respond, you heard footsteps thundering over the lawn; a voice shouting your name in frantic, panicked little outbursts. Looking up, you caught sight of a black leather jacket and unruly blonde curls, frowning deeper. "Oh, fuck," you whispered, withdrawing into yourself, "oh, no, no, not now. Not now, Goddamnit. Think I can make a run for it to the street before he sees me?" You asked Law quietly, nearly hissing your whisper.

"Ain't that Billy?" Law asked, finger pointed.

"He can't see me," you rushed in a panic, eyes wide and tears welling. "Lawrence, he can't!"

"Why?"

"He'll go on a fucking rampage, Lawrence! Ever heard going postal? Yeah, Bee gives that shit new meaning."

"They'd deserve whatever Billy wants t'do," Law frowned, tensing up when Billy had turned, caught sight of you two, and made an angry beeline for you in the grass. "U-Uh, Billy's approaching," he warned you as your boyfriend arrived, trying to pull back to give privacy, but wincing in pain that made him stop.

"The fuck is going - ? Oh, my fuckin' God," Billy trailed off, then whispered when he saw you huddled on the ground; your dress in tatters. Your head was bowed, knees drawn in, refusing to meet his eyes; making your leather-clad boyfriend lower himself to a knee. "Baby? Hey, look at me, sweet girl, lemme see... C'mon, baby, please, look at me."

You only sniffled.

"It was Jake and Steven," Lawrence told Billy, trying to find his feet; falling over and just giving up.

"Hell happened to you, man?"

Lawrence frowned, looking nervous, but your voice answered, "He saved me, Bee. Jumped in, took some of the beating."

Billy looked between you and Lawrence, but focused on you - seeing the injuries to your face and chest in full light. "Oh, my God," he breathed, looking you over in shock. Those pink, pillowy lips you adored licking and sucking on were parted in shock.

You half-smiled, "Think you pissed a few of the wrong guys off."

"Jesus Christ, sweet girl. What happened? Tell me, please, before I start making assumptions," he demanded, reaching for your cheek - making you recoil hard enough that your head banged on the house supporting your exhausted body. "Hey, hey," he whispered, looking physically wounded by your action, "'s just me, baby, it's just me, it's Bee, I'm not gonna hurt you. C'mon, sweetheart, lemme help you."

You sniffled, letting him reach for you again and caress your cheek so he could direct your head left and right; giving him a full view of your injuries that continued to weep. He stiffened as he took note of a new cut or bruise upon every new sweep of his eyes, his anger skyrocketing with every passing moment.

"It hurts," you whimpered. "Apparently, you beat the shit outta those guys weeks ago - guess they were waiting for an opening to strike back."

"You don't deserve this," he growled angrily. "Fuck - look at you! Goddamnit, I'm so sorry, princess, this is my fault. All my fucking fault, shit," he hissed, looking close to tears, "I put you here, I'm so sorry, baby."

"Got Lawrence his ass beat, too," you pouted.

"Sorry about this, man," Billy instantly offered the other boy, who was practically slumped over in the grass. He still managed to give a thumbs up. "But, uh, thank you for stepping in. You know, not a whole lotta people would."

"Nah, it was the right thing to do," Law frowned, waving him off.

"You said Jake and Steven did this?"

"Mhm," Law nodded. "Jake Chastain and Steven Barton."

"Yeah, I know 'em," Billy shook his head, "and I'll fuckin' kill 'em - "

"Can we get cleaned up first? Before we go murdering high school jocks?" You pouted in pain.

"Hey, man. You got a friend here or something? Someone to help us?" Billy asked Lawrence, still caressing your face with his thumb sweeping the apple of your cheek.

"My sister's 'round, yeah..."

"Want me to grab her?" Billy offered awkwardly.

"I'd actually appreciate it," Law whispered. "Gotta get home, yeah?"

"Yeah, man. Stay here, I'll grab her," Billy agreed. "What's her name?"

"Natalie, she's a cheerleader. Um... Y-You dated her beginning of the year?"

"I remember," he sighed, standing to his feet. He told you earnestly, almost sweetly, "I'll be fast."

But the thing is, you knew Billy all too well by now. "Wait, no," you gasped, trying to stand, "Bee, don't!" It was too late, he was already gone by the time you and Lawrence stumbled out from hiding; just in time to watch Billy point Natalie towards where you and her brother were. Then, he turned and surged up to an unsuspecting Jake and Steven; launching an all-out brawl against the two.

Neither of them stood a chance when Billy was THIS angry. Nobody did. In fact, if Jason, Tommy H., and two other guys hadn't pulled him back, surely, there'd be a lot more than a couple of broken bones. However, when Billy told the other basketball players in a spit-flying rage that these two cowards had attacked his girlfriend (a few turning back to get a look at you), it launched a new, mutual anger. Chrissy and a few other cheerleaders wanted to step in when the "fight" (more like attack) started again, but when they saw you, Lawrence, and Natalie, nobody said a single word. Nobody interfered. Nobody interrupted, and luckily, nobody else joined in...

Before Jake and Steven could lose their lives or sustain serious injury that would result in any arrests, Billy was pulled back by Lawrence - of all people. "Hey, hey," the beaten boy barked, "hey, man, chill - chill! These guys deserve it, yeah, I fucking know, but look, hey!" He grabbed Billy's shoulders to prevent him from turning back for the fray. "Hey! Your girl needs you, man. She needs you more than these bozos. C'mon, you can't go to jail over this shit, right? Right? How mad you gonna be if you get bagged 'cause of these jackasses?"

This seemed to force Billy back to reality and out of his homicidal rage. A few dudes who played football stepped in to hoist the unconscious jocks over their shoulders just to leave them on the curb a couple houses down the street.

Billy raced back to you.

Chrissy and Natalie were helping wipe blood from your skin and hair; clothes damaged, ripped, stained, beyond repair, and another cheerleader was holding a bag of frozen peas to your head as you leaned on her stomach. He slid his jacket from his shoulders, easing you off the girl's belly to leave it around your trembling form and then taking the girl's spot, supporting your body as you were tended to.

Eventually, Chrissy sighed, "I think that's the best we're gonna get you, honey. You want us to come over in the mornings? Help you get dressed and do your make-up?"

"No offense, but I don't think that's necessary... It's not like what happened is a secret," Natalie whispered, looking you over.

"Make-up might irritate the injuries," the other girl offered softly. "But it might cover some of those bruises, I just would avoid the cuts."

"I'm okay, girls, but thank you," you assured softly. "Bee's here t'help."

"Yeah, taking you straight to the hospital," he decided stiffly from behind you.

"What?"

"Think I'm not gonna get you checked out after this? Two men attacked you, I gotta make sure ain't shit's seriously wrong, baby. Don't fight me on this, please."

Billy's mind was warped with memories of sitting in ER's and other clinics with his mother nursing a broken wrist or damaged eye socket. His father's anger had always been a temperamental switch, something Billy felt he always had to outdo. Being in the hospital with you felt too similar, another bolt of rage zinging through his blood; hating the idea that you were the victim, and like his mother, he wasn't able to protect you.

Unlike his mother, this situation was directly his fault. He didn't even remember why he beat the shit outta Steven and Jake all those weeks ago, but whatever the reason, it cost him now. Cost you both.

The party continued inside the house, but Billy walked around the side yard, down to the front, then towards the street full of parked cars with you secure in his arms. After getting you settled safely in the passenger seat of his Camaro, Billy rightened and shut the door; seeing Lawrence and Natalie approaching their own car, the bag of peas now held to his jaw and cheek.

His sister was under his arm, helping him hobble. Billy gulped, realizing Lawrence was beat to hell, too, and if he hadn't jumped in, Lord only knew what state you'd be in now. When the two men caught one another's eye, Billy offered a nod of respect and thanks; the other lad returning it as if to say he was welcome. Billy raced for the driver's door, sliding in, and without turning any music on, drove off towards the hospital.

You were grumpy to be there, but one look at you had the medical staff moving at a quickened pace to help you; offering speedy aid. You were cleaned and cared for; questions regarding the level of assault making you nervous, but you answered honestly that two classmates had jumped you at a party. This meant the police were called; tears in your eyes and down your cheeks when you had to tell Chief Hopper (a close family friend) exactly what happened.

Billy provided their assailant’s full names and promised they wouldn't be in the best shape when (slash if) the two were found.

After hearing your story and writing the names down from Billy, Hopper sighed in empathy, "Kid... Don't admit t'anything."

"I'm not, I'm just making a casual note," Billy countered. "You know, people don't take too kindly to people hittin' a woman. Less so when she's drunk, alone, and they fuckin' stomp on her - "

"All right," Hopper tried to halt his built up anger. "Let's just take a breath here - "

"Uh, Chief?" His deputy interrupted. "Them boys? Uh, a... Jake Chastain and Steven Barton? They were just wheeled in from an ambulance."

"Interesting," Hopper noted, sparing Billy a small look. "From where?"

"A neighbor called them in, said there's a party few houses from her on Hawthorne."

Jim Hopper sighed and turned to you and Billy with his hands on his hips. His face was passively angry. "Sound familiar?" He asked, tongue sweeping over his teeth.

"Yes," you answered for you both, "that's where it happened, Chief."

His eyes softened when he looked back at you. "All right," he nodded, looking to his partner. "Go stand by their room, keep an eye - I'll be there in a second, but the victims made a positive ID. Doc's will treat 'em and we'll book 'em." When left alone, Hopper took a suspicious look around the hospital floor before sliding the curtains shut around your bed; moving to your other side, removing his hat, and kneeling. "Listen, kid," he whispered, taking your hand softly, "I got a daughter at home, too, and if anyone - and I mean, anyone - laid a hand on her the way you were tonight, I'd burn this town to the fucking ground."

Billy snorted in amusement, "Know the feeling."

Hopper nodded, "So believe me when I say, I need to know, off the record, what really happened tonight. Your father will need to know that I am doing everything to help - but I need to know the truth."

"I don't know what to tell you, Hopper," you frowned, matching his quiet tone, "I've told you what I know. I was a few drinks in, stepped outside t'smoke, and that's when they grabbed me, took me t'the side yard, and started wailing on me. I dropped, they kept goin', that's when this other boy stepped in. He got beat up pretty good, too, but he helped get them away. Billy showed up, we came here - "

"I hit them," Billy interrupted, making you squeak lightly. Hopper just laid his other hand over yours so he cocooned it; glancing around the under skirts of the curtains to make sure you remained alone.

Then he asked, "When?"

"After I made sure Y/N was okay," Billy explained, petting a hand over the back of your head; never looking away from Hopper. "I found her friend's sister, made sure someone knew where they were, and then I hit them... And I didn't stop hitting them."

"Kid - "

"Some teammates pulled me off, don't worry - it could've been so much worse. But when the others found out what they did to my girl?" He hissed quietly, "They took matters into their own hands by themselves, sir. My girl was attacked, I couldn't let that just slide, Chief, I hope you understand."

Hopper sighed, "Well, I can't condone the violence, but since it was a group effort, be a helluva lot more paperwork bringing you in versus those two who started it."

Billy nodded absently, your free hand laying over Hopper's to stack. "Did you call my dad?" You asked nervously.

"Not yet," he frowned. "I gotta check on the suspects, but I can after."

"Could you not? For me, please?" You sniffled. "He'll just worry and would get all pissy 'cause his trip has to be cut - "

"He's not home?" Hopper asked in earnest confusion with knitted brows.

Your head shook, "Chicago for the week."

"He left eight days ago," Billy snipped.

"Bee," you reprimanded sharply.

"Hey," Hopper squeezed your hand, "it's okay, you're over 18, I don't have to call him. But El and I are gonna drop by later with dinners and to check on you, her little friend, too, probably. You know, the, uh... The little red head?"

"Max?" You asked.

"Yeah, her. Nice girl."

"She's Billy's step-sister," you snickered, wincing when your broken ribs protested.

"You should rest," Hopper bid, "and thank you for being honest," he stood to his feet while nodding at Billy. "Tell you what, I won't report you starting the fight - technically... It'll be reported as a randomized group effort after they were caught assaulting Y/N."

Billy nodded, too shocked for words as Hopper patted your hand, placed his hat on, and exited the little curtained room. "Wow," your boyfriend breathed. "Since when are you friends with the Chief of Police?"

"He and my dad go way back," you eased.

"All cops like him?"

"Fuck no, you know that." After a beat, you reached for his hand to lace your fingers with him, "Hey," you bid, "I-I'm really sorry."

"Baby, just - don't even start - "

"No, for earlier, for our fight," you interrupted, "and for feeling petty enough to go to the party alone when I know you don't like that... For drinking, not being more aware like you taught me. I didn't use the buddy-system when I went t'smoke, it was a major fuck-up, I know, but I'm just sorry. I feel like I've disappointed you or something - "

"No, hey, sweet girl," he rushed, sitting on the edge of the gurney to stare at you directly, "don't you ever feel that way - you didn't do nothing wrong. Hear me? You didn't put yourself in this position, you didn't deserve what happened, you didn't - no, just," he sighed deeply, "you didn't do any of this, sweetheart. Okay? If anything... If anything, this is my fucking fault and I'm the one who is so sorry."

Your head shook, but Billy continued,

"They did this to you because of me." Tears filled those sweet baby blues. "Because I don't have a hold of my temper - I fucked them up, so, they fucked you up. This is my fault, I'm so sorry. But look, hey, I'll fix this, okay? I swear to God - I'm gonna fix this."

"The cops got 'em, we don't have t'do anything else," you mumbled. "You don't have to do anything else, Billy."

"Maybe not, but I can't let this go - look at you," a single tear dripped. "Fucking look at you, my sweet girl. In the fucking hospital 'cause of me - I can't - this ain't right. I gotta make it right."

You couldn't answer because a technician was arriving to take you for a CT, MRI, and X-Ray - all of those scans that would tell them what was going on internally. Hopper was seen outside the two boy's rooms - Billy following your bed closely as you where wheeled away. Every scan or test he could remain close for, he was; stepping back when needed, but being sucked right back to your side when able.

By the end of the night, you were released into Billy's care because all patients with head injuries had to have some kind of chaperone, and a few floors up, Steven and Jake were being handcuffed to their hospital beds by Hopper.

"Real lucky I wasn't there when you hit her," Jim Hopper seethed quietly, tightening the cuff on Jake to an uncomfortable grip. "Your parents would need money for your funerals - not bail," he offered one single more glare before leaving the next shift of deputies on duty. He sped all the way home and held Eleven in a suffocating hug.

Turns out, you sustained decent injuries from that night.

A (cleanly) broken ankle. Six different broken ribs. Split lip that required two stitches. Stitched earlobes from where piercings were ripped out. Severely bruised collarbones, bordering on broken. One blackened eye. Along with other generic bruises and cuts, more seemingly discovered as the days drug by slowly.

Billy was ready to mow down anyone in his way at any point, but his only ability to get through the school day was that he saw you everyday afterward. He dropped whatever sport and / or club that held his interest, collecting coursework you missed, then driving Max and "Jane" Hopper to your place. He would've lashed out if this was any other situation, but because you asked him to behave and bring you the materials you needed, he did. He played nice.

The two assailants, Steven and Jake, had been arrested by Jim Hopper. They apparently had a rough ride to the station, but that wasn't here or there. What they did to you was far worse that nobody batted a single lash when the two were brought in the station for booking, looking freshly beat up and bloodied. A judge also rejected their bail.

Billy brought you whatever work you missed during your recovery at home, most teachers shocked to see him so diligent in showing up and making the collections. He didn't understand whatever the teachers told him about the work, but you did - and it was fascinating to him, watching you work or study. He usually sat by your window to smoke, but on the occasion, you asked for a toke and wouldn't care about where the smoke blew. So, as weeks passed, he stopped specifically going over to your window; just leaving it open for ventilation so he could remain at your side.

Anything you needed, he got. He did. He gave you. Guilt was one helluva motivator and Billy was chalked-full; so, he did the only thing he knew he could, being acts of service.

You were laid up, it made sense. He could bring you into the shower, get naked himself and help you bathe. He could carry you downstairs, cook for you, help out around the house by keeping it clean because he knew it stressed you out. He would collect the mail, water plants, do dishes, just turned into a househusband that made your stomach and cheeks feel all warm and fuzzy. Never did you think Billy had the ability to be domestic, but here he was, in your great-grandmother's kitchen, wearing a stained apron while trying to bake cookies while you worked on a physics project.

"Hey, Bee?"

"What's wrong?" He asked instantly, setting the hot tray to the stove.

"No, hey, calm down," you smiled with a small laugh. "I was just wondering... You know, like... What's gotten into you?"

"Huh?"

"You know what I mean," you huffed, setting your pencil down. "You literally haven't let me out of your sight except when you're at school."

He shrugged, "You need help."

"You don't ask if I do."

"I don't need to ask when I can just see it."

"Billy."

He sighed and begrudgingly scraped cookies off the hot tray to rest on the cooling sheets. "Your dad asked me to stay close," he offered.

"Bullshit."

"No, really," Billy insisted. "He's in and out with work, so, he asked me to stick around, just in case."

"Okay, fine, but it's more than that. Billy, tell me the truth, baby, please. It's not a bad thing, I'm just curious what's really going on."

"I'm just... I'm just nervous, you know?"

Your head cocked, "Why's that?"

"Look what happened to you," he chuckled ruefully. "All fucked up, can't even go t'school until your ribs are healed - all 'cause of me. 'Cause I fucked up and went too far - "

"William," you snapped, making his wide, shocked eyes meet yours. "I'm not gonna listen to this anymore. Okay? I know you're sorry, you tell me everyday, andI know you're feeling guilty, but this isn't your fault, you're not the one who put hands on me - "

You flinched when he lobbed the cookie tray into the sink, causing a ruckus, his voice yelling over the noise, "FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

"William!"

"I'm trying to protect you!" He yelled, tears swelling when he whipped around to face you. "I-I don't know what else to do! Look, okay, say what you fucking want, but the truth is, those two assholes came at you 'cause of me. Okay? 'Cause I had to be myself and beat the shit outta them 3 months ago, they never forgave - they didn't forget. I put you in this situation, that now? Now, yeah!" He laughed without humor. "Yeah! I'm fucking nervous leaving you alone! Fuck knows what could happen to you, and who's to say there aren't more people out there just waiting for this kinda opportunity! Baby!" He rushed for you at the kitchen table, your mouth sewn shut in shock as he found his knees in front of you and took both your hands in his. "Baby, listen to me. You're the only thing - no, I'm serious!" He insisted when you looked ready to protest this sentiment you've heard before. "You're the only thing I fucking care about, that I want to protect, and they all know it - I don't exactly hide it. I love you so fucking much, they'd do this again - they'd fucking hurt you to get to me and that idea just..." He sighed, looking lost.

You pulled a hand free to instantly caress his cheek, turning his attention upward until his eyes met yours. "Billy," you whispered, "baby, nobody's after us. This was just a freak accident, this was a fluke, okay? You're worried anyone else is gonna come at me, at us, but I know nobody else is that fucking stupid. They wouldn't test you, and Jake and Steven took advantage of an already bad situation. Okay? We had a fight - which was pretty public. So, people knew we were at odds, and when I showed up at that party alone, started drinking, it was their perfect opportunity to strike."

"You can't say that, we don't know if anyone else is gonna test us," he sniffled. "I've made a lot of mistakes... Pissed a lot of people off. One of them might've grown a pair."

"Okay," you relented, "then I guess we're gonna have to stick together, you know... So you can keep me safe, right?"

He chuckled dryly, "I'm trying, princess."

"Well, we can work out a better way - one that doesn't run you into the fucking ground, Billy, Jesus," you searched his face. "Are you sleeping? At all?"

"'Course I am - "

"Don't lie to me."

He sighed, deflating a little, "I sleep... Only when I stay here."

"Billy, you stay only a couple nights a week when Daddy's home."

"I know."

"So, you basically only sleep when Daddy's out of town and you stay here?" You squeaked, watching him nod; pouting and feeling your own guilt brew. "Baby... Look, can we just agree that this isn't either of our faults? Right? Yeah? If I'm not allowed to think this was my fault, you aren't either."

"I was the one they wanted t'hurt," he shook his head. "They did this 'cause of me, sweetheart, how can you be so - so - fuck! So fucking understanding a-and forgiving?"

"Because I love you," you answered like it was common knowledge, even giving a small giggle.

"That doesn't... But that doesn't even - "

"What? Mean anything? Bee, it means everything," you smiled at him. "I love you, so, when you make mistakes, I forgive you - even though there's nothing you've done. I mean," you winced slightly, "sure, maybe we could reduce the kids you bully or beat up, you know, limit the enemies we might make. And this is something that can be redeemed, can't it?"

He stared at you from the floor, slowly deflating, "Can it? I've fucked up so much, doll, I don't think I deserve whatever forgiveness you wanna give me."

"You can't keep beating yourself up," you snipped. "Hey? Hear me? Look, it happened - it fucking sucked, but it happened and it's fucking over. We both need one another to help move on, okay? So, I need you back, Bee, I need my man back because we need to get through this together. You don't get to sulk in your guilt, I don't get to stew in my regret, we need to help each other out of this."

Billy sniffled, "How? How do we move on when you've still got stitches in your lip?"

"They'll dissolve in a few days," you shrugged meekly. "We move on together, okay? Maybe you pick up basketball again, try to distract yourself. Billy, we need some normalcy again, right? You know?"

"Doll, being away from you makes me feel like my lungs are gonna pop," he shook his head. "I'm afraid something might happen if I'm not there, it's fucking scary after finding you in your own blood."

"Then I'll be at every practice," you eased. "You can drive me to and from school, then you know where I am - you'll know I'm safe."

Billy stared at you a moment, fully dropping to the floor as his energy finally drained. He ran a hand through his hair, rustling the curls, admitting in a soft voice, "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to not feel so guilty, how to move forward."

"There's no playbook," you agreed. "Guess it means we gotta figure it out ourselves, but again, we do it together. C'mere," you sighed, lowering yourself to the floor with your booted ankle held out.

"No, don't - "

"Fuck off, I'm not totally unable to do shit," you grunted, adjusting yourself and reaching for him. "Come here, please, I wanna hold you! Been cuddling me this whole time, lemme be the big spoon, please."

"Just told me to fuck off, sweetheart, kinda sending some mixed signals, aren't'cha?" He chuckled, turning so his back was to your chest; leaning so you supported him in his slump. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he muttered, holding the arm around his collarbones. "I really - if I knew this was gonna happen, I'd never of fought them."

"I know, and I forgive you," you whispered in his ear. "But we can't keep doing this back and forth, okay? I forgive you, Billy, no more apologies."

He sighed, "Yeah... All right..."

"Steven and Jake are arrested, we won't have t'see them again. Hopper will make sure of that," you smirked against the shell of his ear. "And the doctors said I should be good to return to school next week, but I'm out of cheer and everything."

He groaned, "Just something else I've fucked up for you."

"Oh, please, I love the time off," you teased. "Gives me all the time I need to watch my man on the court, huh?" He half-chuckled at your words. "You know I'm ahead in all my classes now, too? Teaching myself at home is far superior than the teacher's bitching at us for eight hours."

"You're gonna love college, baby," he chuckled, the two of you lulling into a comfortable silence. You held him tightly, nuzzled into his neck; both sitting in your emotions, trying to navigate a way out.

"We good?" You whispered.

"We're good," Billy agreed, just as soft. "No more apologies... Try to have less guilt. But you're gonna let me stay close, right?"

"I want you clinging to me so hard, I can't fucking breathe," you smirked. "And if Daddy really asked you to stick around, then you're welcome to stay here longer, even if he's here... Where I can have you close to me," you whispered, licking the skin under his ear. He stiffened.

"No - you better not," he squirmed when you licked again, adding a little teeth in a scrape.

"Billy," you pouted. "It's been weeks!"

"You're still hurt," he argued, turning on the floor to look at you. "I'm not gonna be responsible for breaking another of your ribs 'cause we were horny."

"I'm doing so much better, though!"

"Tell you what," he smirked. "Next business trip of your dad's, I'll fuck you all weekend - wherever you want, however you want."

"He has one in two weeks."

"Mhm, and you have a check up before he leaves."

You eyed him for a moment, "When did you become responsible?"

"I've always been."

"No, this is new. You're remembering dates and my doctor appointments and my dad's work schedule."

"Maybe I just like taking care of you," he whispered against your lips with a growing smirk. After pecking you lips, he quipped, "So, shut up and let me."

"Yes, sir."

requesting rules and masterlist

Stranger Things masterlist

[subwaysurf45]

She’s Not Mad

Summary: Bucky Barnes was a known people pleaser, it was second nature to him. After meeting you and getting close you both try to navigate his eternal stressed state, working together you try your best to tone down his obsessive ways. 

Words: 9k (if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been...)

Warnings: Bucky has mommy issues, mentions of oral sex, nudity, angst, fluff, college!bucky, slow burn

A/N: thanks for the patience! 

Masterlist

A Couple of Weeks Ago…

“So, you’re not a thing?” Bucky asked as he shoved his laptop and notebook back into his bag, grabbing the handle of his water bottle and choosing to carry it with him for the walk. 

The two boys were higher up in the rows of the lecture hall as they peered over the two girls talking to the professor. Steve had his eyes drilled into Natasha, the girl standing off to the side as her friend went over a question she had. 

“She told me she is still figuring out her feelings since her last serious relationship,” Steve sighed as he packed up as well, “and I told her I’d wait- apparently this guy’s parents had given their family engagement ring and everything.” 

Bucky pulled the corner of his lips out tight as they began to walk down the stairs, “who’s the other girl?” 

“The one that was just asking the question is Y/N,” Steve watched as both girls left the room, “good friends, met last year, live together now.” 

“She’s cute,” Bucky said purely, no smirk or innuendo.

********

You sat over your laptop in the library with both hands acting as a brim to cover your eyes from the people around you. Tears rolled down your face as you studied the practice question, you felt pathetic and you tried to sniffle as quietly as possible. If anyone saw you silently bawling you’d drop out, it was stupid enough already when the librarian walked over and dropped a tissue box off without saying a word. 

“What do you mean?” you whispered to the page for the hundredth time, hoping for some answer. 

You had done the homework, you went to the study groups, you even extended your prof's office hours because you wanted to make sure you were doing everything right. Yet here you were, sitting alone on a Friday night because you still can’t do the practice assignment. Quitting felt like the only option, it wasn’t like everything was going to click; it was too late. 

This was just going to become the thing that you could never do, simple as that. Sometimes there are subjects that no matter how hard you try, you don’t have the flair. It was a tough pill to swallow but you’d never be able to do any work if you’d continue to hold yourself to a high standard, it was a win to get the little things right, not the entire question. 

The idea of failing was new to you. The jump from high school to college was still something you never adapted to, you always expected nineties on everything and not the mindset that C’s get degrees. 

Trying to do the question was like beating a dead horse, you needed a break. You ran your hands over your face and leaned back in your chair, hearing pops from your back as you did so, until you were leaning back and looking up at the ceiling. When you looked straight you saw someone already staring at you. 

He had longer brown hair that hit his jawline, blue eyes that jumped out at you, and a very concerned look on his face. He was familiar but you didn’t know what it was from. 

“Are you Natasha’s friend?” The guy came up to your empty table. 

“Yeah?” You wiped away your tears, extremely confused as he pulled out the chair right beside you to sit at the eight sided table. 

“I’m good friends with Steve, I think the two of them have something going on- not important, but I kind of know you and I'd rather not leave someone I kinda know alone crying, so…” he rubbed the back of his neck, “are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” you rolled your eyes and faced your computer again, “the absolute last thing I need is something watching me cry, alright?” your bottom lip wobbled as you kept your eyes away from his at all times. 

He was still staring at you, “come on,” he sighed and moved his hand to comfort you but thought otherwise, “I’m not going to laugh at you or run and tell everyone I know I saw a girl crying in the library- y’know what they’d say?” You could see him tilt his head, “they’d say what’s the big deal, haven’t we all?” 

You scoffed, “no they wouldn’t.” 

“You’re calling me a liar?” 

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Bucky,” he stuck out his hand, “Bucky Barnes.” You shook his hand, “and since I am a Barnes and was raised by my ma I simply can not let this continue, it’s my obligation to either cheer you up or take you home.” 

You scoffed again and tried your best to hide your smile, “and I’m Y/N, and in my family we stress about everything and never give up so I can’t leave until I get this question, so…”

Bucky’s tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he flipped the laptop to face him a little better, “this is the class all four of us have together, alright,” he read over the question and immediately furrowed his brows before looking at you again, trying your best to hold it together. He knew the answer but couldn’t bear to see your reaction, it was painfully obvious you were beating yourself stupid over these questions. 

“Can you take a deep breath for me?” he asked like he was talking to a child. 

“I barely know you, dude,” you crossed your arms and ripped your laptop back to face you, “and I’ll have you know I don’t need a man to come in here and explain everything to me, alright, I’m going to figure this out on my own and I don’t need you, okay? So just head home, tell Steve I say hi.” 

Bucky took a deep breath himself, “that question isn’t marked on the homework, the reason you can’t get the answer is because the way to get it has most likely not been taught yet,” he paused and saw your face crumble, “and I didn’t want to freak you out because you look like you’ve been here a while and you seem to be beating yourself up and I just couldn’t-”

“Stop,” you whispered and covered your face with your hands, “just stop talking.” 

And he did. 

Trying your best to calm your breaths, it didn’t work. So fucking stupid, unbelievable, there’s no way you just spent close to an hour staring at a problem you didn’t even have to do in the first place. 

“Can you walk me home?” you squeeked. 

“Of course,” Bucky stood up right away and started helping you pack your bag, “I have some water, do you want it?” He held up his water bottle. You nodded and began drinking as you both made your way outside and towards your off-campus house. 

“Did you need to study?” you asked as you screwed on the cap. 

Bucky laughed and looked up at the night sky, “I was going for a walk because I heard there was a blood moon tonight, and there is, look,” he point up and saw the red mood looming above both of you, “and I just happened to walk past the library, I looked in the window and recognised your laptop as well as your hair, funny enough,” he laughed as he looked forward again. 

“So you just came in to see me?” you needed to make sure you were hearing this right, it’s not like it happens often. 

“I was going to introduce myself to you actually,” Bucky shrugged and looked over at you, “I know Steve and Nat are trying to figure things out and I thought friends of two people who might date should know one another. Then I saw you crying so I changed my game plan.”

You just nodded, slightly brushing into Bucky’s arm as you walked. It was hard to stay straight with the exhaustion taking over, every now and then you’d brush your knuckles past Bucky’s. He was a cute guy, and something about him being oh so caution around you made you feel important. 

“This is me,” you said later as you walked up the steps, “thanks Bucky, I hope we can be friends.” 

Bucky smiled and stood at the bottom of the steps, “if you ever get in your head again like that and need someone to pull you away, let me know- even in the middle of the night, alright?”

“Alright,” you laughed with your hand on the door handle. 

“I’m serious, Y/N. I look after the people close to me, I look after friends of friends like siblings,” there was no joking in his tone, it seemed other people doubted him on this promise. “I’ll give you my number,” he hand reached out for your phone. 

“I’ll be fine, you seemed to have good luck running into me,” you giggle and open the door to your house. Before it fully closed you felt resistance, looking over your shoulder you saw Bucky holding open your door. 

He was smiling, “then give me your number for another reason.” 

“Oh?” you turned and placed a hand on your chest, “you’re rather forward. 

“Well being cryptic didn’t work, did it?” He laughed and held out his hand again, “come on, I might need a study buddy one day- or even better, a lunch buddy.” you laughed as he tried to duck to meet your eyeline, “you don’t want to be my lunch buddy?”

“I’ll be your lunch buddy,” you giggled and handed him your phone, he wasted no time adding it in. “Goodnight,” you whispered and made it into your house, leaning back and resting against the door. You thought for a moment before breaking into a massive smile, replaying how he tried to keep eye contact with you. Or how he’d been so proud of how his mother raised him- “son of a bitch,” you whispered. 

He walked you back home and cheered you up. 

Just like he said he would. 

A Few Days Later…

Your phone must be hacked or something because your weather app said it would be completely clear today and sunny in the afternoon. As you sat in the cafe you thought it would clear up but it was only getting worse. 

All you needed to do was brave the rain and make your way home, but waiting for the perfect time when everything would let up for a moment was pointless. 

Walking as fast as you can with your head down, you saw your grey sweatpants become a darker shade instantly. It was a straight downpour with absolutely no sign of letting up, you swore you heard thunder when you waited at the crosswalk. Due to your phone lying to you, you had not brought a hooded article of clothing or umbrella so you just had to deal with everything going wrong. 

There definitely was thunder and the lightning was right above you, it seemed like you were the last person on Earth because everyone else was smart enough to stay inside right now; but not you. Down your little street you began to run, trying to get away from the lightning that was chasing you. 

If you could guess you’d say most people who had been struck by lightning most likely thought they were too far away, in denial as the sky opened up from above. It was hard to admit you were actually a little scared at that moment, rain getting in your eyes as you sprinted down to your house that was now in view. 

With your key at the ready you fell inside, slamming the door behind you. 

Natasha rounded the corner, “you idiot, I was trying to call you!” She screamed and saw your state, “Steve and Bucky are over-they drove over they could have picked you up,” Natasha got in your face to peel off the sweater, taking it off right over your head and leaving you in your bralette and those drenched sweatpants. 

“You took off my shirt when there’s boys here?” you whispered as you began to shake, covering your chest with crossed arms. 

“We guessed you were walking back so we put towels in the dryer,” as if on cue Bucky rounded the same corner with your fluffy towel ready, “thank you Bucky,” Natasha wrapped it around your shoulders. 

“Hi, Bucky,” you squeeked, “glad we keep meeting like this.”

Natasha had walked upstairs, most likely getting different pants. Bucky got down on one knee and slipped off your shoes, “like what?” he asked as he looked up, he reminded you of a little puppy somehow. He was as big as a great dane but there was an underlying softness that made you want to hug him or just let him wrap his arm around you. 

You huffed as you pulled the towel tighter, “when I’ve just done something embarrassing and you’re there to save the day.”

Bucky stood up with his arms crossed, “only you would think crying or getting caught in the rain is embarrassing,” he shook his head and reached out to rub your shoulder that was covered by the towel, “I like helping and I like making sure people I know are okay, you know this.”

“I do,” you whispered and walked further in your house. Before you could get anywhere near comfortable Natasha whisked you away to change your soggy pants as well as throw on a sweater, they had also been thrown in the drier, everything was very toasty and warm.

Steve was sitting on the couch, staring intensely at the football game going on. Natasha guided you back in and towards the couch. There was enough room for four of you but you knew thighs would be pressed up against one another, you were okay with that if Bucky was sitting beside you. Though you don’t see him often it was nice when you did even though you made it seem like it was embarrassing. Something about having someone who loves taking care of people take care of you so well caused you to crave it a little more. 

Bucky came around the couch with a mug, “hot chocolate for you,” he whispered and took the spot beside you, next to the arm rest. You thanked him and let your hand slightly burn on the mug when you held it, liking how the warmth began to spread up your arms. Natasha found her spot on the other side of you while Steve stayed on the edge, leaning forward and never looking away from the game. 

“This is really good,” you sipped it and whispered to Bucky, he just smiled and leaned into your side for a moment. 

“What were you working on?” he asked after a moment. 

“I was at the cafe for a little treat but before I was doing my elective course,” you spoke softly. It seemed like everything happened for a reason because you only got food at the cafe which left room for this hot chocolate now. 

“And that is?” Bucky giggled as he leaned forward again. 

“Art history,” suddenly, you were coy. Most people thought your elective was a bird course but to you it was actually interesting, it wasn’t often you were met with a positive response. 

His eyes got wide, “that’s sick!” Bucky readjusted himself off the couch, “I would have never even thought of that course, wow, that’s really cool. So, like, what do you-”

“Bucky, I love you, brother, I really do but-” Steve sighed, “can you please be quiet, this game is very important.” 

“I didn’t think the Big Game was on today?” you asked as you took another sip. 

“It’s not that,” Steve places his beer down, “it’s the State Cup Finals, it’s college football.” 

Natasha smiled and looked over, “his team’s the underdog and are actually on the road to winning the entire thing!” She giggled and linked an arm with Steve who was happy to cuddle up with her, “it’s actually very exciting once you learn the ins and outs of it.”

You just nodded and faced forward again, seeing Bucky out of the corner of your eyes rubbing his thumb on the neck of his beer bottle, staring off into space. The moment you leaned your head on his shoulder he looked over at you, your heart broke when you saw a sad smile. He was just trying to talk to you, he got excited for you and here he was being scolded. 

“Do you want to come look at some of my notes, or are you into this game?” you whispered and saw his eyes light up, both of you quickly stood and headed up stairs with your bag slung over your shoulder. 

The moment you walked into your room you felt everything slow down, Bucky slowly walked in and looked around. He was smiling to himself as he l took in your photos on the walls or posters, even your to do list seemingly growing on the white board you have mounted to one wall. 

You sat on the corner of your bed as he flipped through your notes, “so you’re, like, breaking down these paintings, it's not just the history of when they were painted?”

“Oh yeah,” you fiddled with the hem of your dry sweater, “most of these artist go insane and we look for that in the work or even just what was happening during the time with stuff that you’d learn in a normal history class but we look at if and when it get put into art,” this was your little thing you could talk about for ages, “very cool stuff.” 

Bucky nodded and flipped the pages, “your notes are amazing,” he whispered, “you’re a pretty good student, huh?” he looked over his shoulder and saw you sitting there, just staring at him as he made his way around your room. “What?” he giggled and made his way over to you, holding his hand out to get you to stand up. 

“Nothing,” you tucked your chin to your chest, getting coy at the attention. “You’re just…y’know, sweet.” 

Bucky just smiled and rubbed your arm, giggling as you both stared at one another for a moment. “Do you want to go back down?” 

“Sure,” you nodded and leaned forward, smiling as you both made your way back downstairs. 

The rain still worked its way down your windows as the beers and wine kept flowing. The game had ended a while ago but Steve and Bucky didn’t see a reason to leave, it was a good moment that no one wanted to end. You had finished your hot chocolate and moved onto wine, sipping it slowly as everyone talked. It was nice to be brought into this group even though it stemmed from Nat and Steve, there was good chemistry between the four of you. 

Talking to everyone was effortless, you didn’t need to act like someone else to fit in. no one was yelling over someone else to get their point across, there weren't any passive aggressive tones in anyone's jokes, it was carefree. It was relaxing to have people this easy to talk to. 

The only thing that wasn’t relaxing was the amount of times you caught Bucky staring at you. Everyone had migrated to the floor with their backs against different furniture so you could break out the board games, Bucky was sitting adjacent to you on your right and Steve adjacent on your left, Nat right in front. Every single move whether it be placing a card down or moving your little object around the board Bucky would find a reason to look at you. 

“Good one,” he’d pat your shoulder. 

“Let me move your piece for you,” he’d say before you could reach across the table. 

“Sorry…” he’d smile before taking your little object and moving it back four spots. 

He was very attentive, always watching and scanning. But the more you noticed it the more you figured out he was doing it to everyone, including Steve. Something happened whenever Bucky would either move Steve’s piece for him or go get another beer so he wouldn’t have to stand up, Steve would give this look. It seemed as though he was silently telling Bucky he knew something or he was pointing something out that had been a topic of conversation before. Bucky would try to laugh it off but Steve was very protective of Bucky, you just didn’t know why. 

The games had slowly come to a close, everyone not drunk but a little more than tipsy. Giggles flowed freely around the table as the conversation resumed again, your eyes were growing heavy as you traced the rim of your glass. 

“I’ll be back,” Bucky muttered as he headed to the washroom. 

The moment the door closed Steve sighed, “this kid.” 

“What?” you were getting protective, why was Steve about to talk shit about his best friend? 

Steve just shook his head, “It’s hard to see how badly Winnie fucked him up.” 

Your heart plummeted. Any tiredness had left your body faster than the little gasp escaped your lips. Who was this Winnie girl and why did he mess Bucky up? The thoughts circled your head, was he in an abusive relationship? Natasha looked like she didn’t know either, pouring more wine into her cup. 

When Bucky came back he sat closer to you and you couldn’t help but reach out and wrapped your arm around his. He must have been a little surprised but you rested your head on his shoulder and continued on like it was nothing. 

You were half asleep when Bucky tried to do something for Steve, maybe get him another beer but whatever it was it left Bucky looking like a sad puppy because Steve said, “Buck, relax, I can get my beers, thank you, but I got it, alright?”

Steve's tone was soft but also commanding, he wasn’t annoyed at all. With your eyes closed you pieced it together that Steve was trying to help Bucky in some way, maybe get him to relax a little more. It was out of love but Bucky was very quiet for the rest of the night. 

********

You and Bucky had started hanging out a lot more on your own. There were a lot of late night drives or study sessions, Bucky always came to the library to walk you home if you stayed late or had turned your brain into mush during your studying. 

What Steve had said stuck with you more than you thought it would, it didn’t impact how you saw Bucky but it made you more aware of his people pleasing tendencies. You wanted to do the same as Steve, tell him it was okay but you weren’t as close. You saw how hurt he was the last time and you just couldn’t do it to him. 

Currently you were both sitting on his bed, the movie was wrapping up. Half of his laptop sat on one thigh and the other half sat on Bucky’s, your arms were linked and there was a steady brushing of your thumb on his forearm. In all honesty, you thought you were lulling him to sleep when you looked up five minutes ago to see him fighting his dropping lids. 

When the movie faded to black both of you sat there for a moment, content with the sitcom that was coming up next. You looked up again to see him with his face scrunched up, his other hand was on his back. 

“What is it?” you asked and leaned over, he was rubbing a specific spot on his lower back with his thumb. 

Bucky held his breath as he leaned forward to move his hand, “I was working out this morning and there weren't any belts left for my deadlifts and I did something to my back.”

“Do you want a massage?” you offered, he’d do the same for you. 

“I’m okay, thanks,” he looked down at your head resting on his bicep. 

“I didn’t know you worked out,” you smiled, “you don’t have the, like, bodybuilder physique.”

Bucky laughed and wiped at his eyes, giggling to himself before answering. “I don’t want that look, but…” you could see the boast on the top of his tongue, he poked his tongue on the inside of his cheek. 

“Tell me!” you sat up, taking the laptop off your lap so you could fully face him now, “are you, like, ripped or something?” you both laughed as he hugged himself so you couldn’t feel or see anything, “you are, shut up!” you placed both hands on his shoulders, his face so red from laughing and embarrassment you just wanted to take a bite out of it. 

“Steve calls it a sleeper build,” Bucky managed to wheeze out, he was trying to play-fight you off of him. 

“What the fuck is that?!” you gasped as your hands reached out but he copied you and intertwined his fingers with yours. 

“It’s when someone has muscle but you can’t really see it in normal clothing,” his face was calming down as well, but that stupid smile was still on his face. “It just kinda happened, just how I am.”

You tried to move his arms around but you couldn’t, his fingers were still tightly woven with yours. You just laughed and fell back into him, cuddling up again. “I had a friend's mom who was an actual masseuse, so…” you shrugged, “I actually know what I’m doing because she’d give me massages and walk me through her process.”

“You just want to take my shirt off, don’t you?” Bucky taunted. 

“I want to make sure you’re not uncomfortable the entire time we hang out and for the rest of the week,” you giggled before snuggling into his arm again and watching the show that had come on randomly. 

It took three days before Bucky came back for that massage. 

You were hanging out again like normal and he was still trying to relieve the ache in his lower back. It was becoming sad to see him so uncomfortable so you kept reminding him of your excellent massage skills. After what you counted as his third groan of pain you just looked at him and soon enough he was asking you to turn around so he could take his shirt off and lie down. 

Choosing your angle to stand with your back to him was a science, you wanted to make sure you had the mirror to look at but you also didn’t want to make it obvious. Part of you hated yourself for wanting to catch and peek at his body but it was infamous now, you just had to look. 

And my god was it worth it. 

It wasn't an obnoxious amount of muscle that made it seem like the strength drained from his brain and into his arms. The sleeper build comment was right, you had no idea. His chest made you feel comfortable and protected, the kind of chest you’d want to fall into when the subway starts up too quick and you’re not holding onto anything. His arms were, and you already knew this, amazing at covering so much surface area for hugs. They were secure and trustworthy, you knew that when you hugged him he had you; it also helped to remember when he’d whisper it in your ear. 

“Okay,” his voice was muffled by pillows at the top of your bed. 

You turned around and were greeted by his back which was also an amazing sight, the kind of body sculptors would use and their go-to subject if no one else was there. “I have some lotion on my hands,” you warned and pressed your palms onto his back and quickly began spreading the lotion around. 

Though this wasn’t a proper table and he was resting on one cheek instead of face down you knew this was the best he’d get for a college kid. You started all over and slowly worked your way to focusing on his lower back. When you felt the knot you knew you found it, the thing was massive. The low groan Bucky let out was close to pornographic as you dug into him. 

Something about seeing him grip the sheets, making his veins pop out, did something to you. At first you only really saw Bucky as another friend or a good member of the friend group you stumbled your way into. But the more you spent one-on-one the more you realized he was your perfect guy. Any guy can be perfect physically but his personality enhanced your view for him, it made you appreciate his looks even more. 

His laugh always brought out the crinkle in his nose and those pretty teeth, the sound of him giggling was music to your ears and also was the perfect accompaniment to his squinted eyes or broad smile. The same with his little fist pumps he does when beating you at a game either around a group of friends of a video game, that stupid celebration he does every time causes him to flex his bicep but that’s secondary to the little circles he makes with his fist.  

You kept working away and looking at his rested face once in a while, seeing his eyes closed and the relieved look on his face. There was something so pure about watching the guy your slowly obsession over fall into simple relaxation all because of you, it was a treat. 

“How’s that?” you whisper, “Bucky?” trying to make sure your pressure wasn’t too hard for him you wanted to check in, but he had fallen asleep. With the opportunity in front of you, you reached out and placed your bent knuckles along his cheek, feeling the stubble tickle your fingers. 

You found him blanket on his bed and covered him up so he wouldn’t get cold with his shirt off, before leaving you placed a kiss on his forehead before heading downstairs for a snack. You also wanted to give him space, let him sleep peacefully. 

Steve was down there when you got there, another roommate of his cooking as you found Bucky’s section of snacks to choose from. 

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve asked as he looked over his shoulder, not for long due to the football playing on the TV. 

“Sleeping upstairs,” you ate the goldfish as you rounded the couch to watch the game. 

He seemed taken aback at your casualness, “what did you guys do…?” he slowly looked over, most likely trying to see if your hair was disheveled or anything was blossoming on your neck. 

“I gave him a massage,” you shrugged and fell back onto the couch, “his lower back has been killing from his workout a while ago.” 

You could see Steve look over his shoulder to see if his roommate was also hearing this, he looked over at you again and squinted. “So- and correct me if I’m wrong here- you gave Bucky a massage and put him to sleep and now you’re down here getting a snack?” 

“You would be correct,” you smiled, “would you like to do a once over of my neck for hickies or maybe rummage through the trash for condoms?” you sassed and plopped a few more goldfish in your mouth, “I was helping him.” 

That statement made Steve look over his shoulder again. The roommate just shrugged with a smile before heading down to his room in the basement, noodles steaming from the cup. You just looked at Steve as he tried to piece together everything, it was actually funny to see him try to understand. 

“Bucky doesn’t accept help from anyone,” Steve turned to face you, “it’s his thing to never want to be in debt with anyone when it comes to favours of any sort.” 

“Well,” you just sighed, “I’ve been picking up on that too but I got to him I guess, he let me do something for him.” That was all you could say because you didn’t have a full background of why Bucky didn’t accept help from anyone you just knew he didn’t; the only clues you had were Winnie and her role in this. 

“That’s good,” Steve quickly added, “I’m far from saying it’s bad, trust me, it’s just he’s been in a funk for a while when it comes to that stuff, it ebbs and flows.” 

“Do you think he’ll ever tell me?” you asked as you watched the game, too embarrassed of the question to look at Steve. It seemed there was this vital piece of information that made Bucky who he was that was dangling right in front of your face, you were falling for him but that thing that made him him was out of reach. When Steve first made the statement he siad that this Winnie girl fucked him up which implied something bad much have happened and that can also mean something isn’t necessarily right. You were never going to fix Bucky but you did want to understand so you could help be a better friend to him and not unconsciously get in the way of his mindset. 

Steve nodded, “he’ll definitely tell you,” he looked over and smiled, “I mean, you’re all he ever talks about, this kid is head over heels for you  it’s just…some guys have hard times coming to terms with their past, he’ll get there though.” 

“I know,” you nodded, “I’ll obviously never force it out but I do want him to be aware I’m here to listen, y’know?” 

“He knows,” Steve laughed and stood up, going to the cupboard and grabbing a little snack for himself as well. 

You took a deep breath before standing up and heading back upstairs, you were guessing Bucky was still fast asleep. When you opened the door you found him still laying on his bed in the exact same position, only now there was little snores coming from him. 

With a pout you crawled back onto the bed and sat next to him, placing your hand on his back and sliding it down to his arm that was bent up so his hands could rest under the pillow. Your thumb gently rubbed his arm for a moment before pulling out your phone and scrolling through it. 

The boredom ate away at you, instead of scrolling through your phone you went to his dresser to find some clothes you could change into so you could crawl under his sheets and sleep over. When you pulled open his top drawer you were met with his underwear and socks as well as a box of condoms tucked to the side, you just giggled to yourself at the painfully college male sight in front of you. 

Something about wearing his boxers made your face heat up, that was a level of intimacy you wanted to reach with him one day but you didn’t know if it was time. Looking over your shoulder after a particularly loud snore you smiled to yourself and picked up a black pair, as you held it up you remember seeing the waistband sticking out of his jeans while he reached above his head to grab something for someone - you weren’t focused on his actions at the time. 

Quickly slipping your pants off and pulling up the boxers you maneuvered to his closet, finding your favourite hoodie he wore very often. This moment of intimacy, moving around Bucky’s room while he wasn’t aware, caused a surge of confidence to shoot through you. Though you had never talked to Bucky about what the relationship between you was, you knew both of you could agree there was no room for girlfriends or boyfriends for either of you, this was the time to build the foundation for something better later. Having this idea of only being the girl in his room you took off your bralette and tucked it back in his top drawer, across from the condoms.

You didn’t choose this bra specifically but you were wearing a slightly lacey bralette, it was far from lingerie but the lace added something to it. Making sure you put it where it wouldn’t be obvious but also not hiding it, you grew giddy at the image of Bucky finding it. 

Before getting in his bed you tugged and tugged the sheets under his body before managing to get the covers fully out from under him. You scooted in and pulled the sheets up to cover both of you, it seemed he really needed the sleep because nothing was waking him up, not even the little hug you gave him before turning off the lights and falling asleep beside him. 

********

You were sitting in class aimlessly scrolling through your phone during your five minute break in your lesson, your art history professor was one of the best teachers you've ever had. She was funny but also well informed, she also had a big heart and didn’t need a eulogy as a form of proof if someone asked for an extension due to a funeral service that day. 

Bucky: What the hell is in my dresser? 

Without knowing the tone or context your heart dropped. You read the text with Bucky’s voice as if he was screaming at you, a hint of embarrassment in his tone. It was in your head, you didn’t know if it was a flirty tone either. 

You: Just my bra, when I stayed over a couple of nights ago I changed into your clothes and just absentmindedly put my bra in your top drawer. I probably was just going through the motions and thought I was at my place. 

Bucky: Can I pick you up from class, when does your lecture end?

Something about him completely disregarding your explanation - lie or not - gave you the worst feeling in the world. Ice poured down your back as you watched your prof make her way back up to the little stage she teaches on, you couldn’t keep the conversation going and just needed to deal with it later. 

You: sure, it ends in an hour. 

Bucky: I’ll be there. 

Part of you didn’t want to leave when your lecture was over, you stayed in the hallway for a moment and thought of every single end of the world situation that could happen in the car. Bucky didn’t seem like a guy who hit women but your anxiety didn’t let you leave out that thought. He also didn’t seem like the guy who’d reveal he’d been dating another girl the entire time but who knows, he could be in a three year long relationship as you stood there. 

With all these terrible situations playing out in your head you decided to face it head on, you’d walk in there and wouldn’t let him talk; just saying your apologies with your eyes closed before he could get a word out. 

You walked down the steps and to the right to find Bucky’s car parked in front, coming up in the blindspot. You took a moment to take a deep breath, opening the door and sitting down as quickly as possible. 

“Do you-”

“Bucky,” you put your hand out but kept your eyes casted down, “I am so unbelievably sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I don’t know if you already have a girlfriend and she found it and it caused a rift in your relationship, or if you like to sleep with other girls and one of them found the bra and got jealous so you lost your credit. I don’t know what made you angry but please, I am so sorry for what I did, I wasn’t thinking and I just put it in there and I-...” you just held your mouth open as you looked at the center console, you had run out of things to say. “Um,” you slowly looked up to see him frozen in shock, mouth still slightly open from when he began to say something, “sorry, you were about to say something?” 

Bucky had to physically rattle his head to get out of the shock he was in, “do you want to get some coffee?” 

Your eyes flicked up and it was your turn to stay frozen, “what?” 

Bucky pulled his brows together, “I was making a joke about the bra thing,” he seemed concerned at your extremely anxious state, “I don’t care what you leave at my place, I really don’t,” normally someone would laugh in awkward situations but Bucky didn’t, it felt like it made everything worse. “Do you want coffee?” 

“What is going on?” you couldn’t believe the situation you had put yourself in, nothing was making sense. 

“Don’t get all mad at me,” now it was time for him to scoff, “you’re the one that thought I was sleeping with multiple women while I’m actively pursuing you, you idiot.” 

“Don’t call me an idiot,” you huffed and faced the front of the car, crossing your arms after putting on your seatbelt. 

Bucky laughed as he reached over and turned your face so you’d look at him, “that’s what you took from that statement?” He giggled, “babe, I just said I was pursuing you, does that just fly over your head?” 

“Wait, what?” you grew more interested, “you want to date me?” 

Bucky nodded, “have I not made it obvious?” You just shrugged and began to feel small, curling yourself further into the seat of his car, “I would like to take you out and I would like to continue to collect little pieces of you at my place while doing the same to yours, does that make sense?” 

“Then what were those condoms for?” 

“The same reason our house keeps tampons in our main bathroom,” Bucky put the car in drive and began working towards to coffee shop, “if you ever need a tampon you go and grab one, if Steve ever needs a condom and he’s out of stock in his room he comes to me,” Bucky looked at you at the stop light. 

“Oh,” was all you could say. 

“But let me get a few things straight,” Bucky placed his hand on your thigh, “I’m not sleeping with other girls, I do not have a secret girlfriend, I am not mad you left your bra in my dresser and I tried to make the text seem flirty, and finally,” he went at the green, “I really like you and I would like you to be my girl whenever we get there.” 

“Okay,” you whispered, “I’d like that too.” 

“Then it’s settled,” it was a short drive to the cafe, “let’s celebrate over coffee, shall we?” 

You looked down at his hand on your thigh, “yeah, we shall.” 

********

Your body felt like it was floating, your legs tingled and it was hard to catch your breath. As you laid on your back with your hands on your bare stomach Bucky worked his way back up from between your legs while leaving kisses on your hip bones as well as your stomach when you lifted your hands. 

“How was that?” Bucky asked breathlessly, licking his lips before kissing you. 

You kept your answer waiting, probably because he knew it already, kissing him slowly as he wanted. He was fully in control right now, setting the pace and tone of this entire afternoon. When he pulled away for a moment you complimented him like always, your hands reached up to his shoulders and tried to push him to lay on his back but he stayed strong. 

“Flip over,” you whispered and ran your hands down his chiseled stomach, working your way up to his shoulders as your fingernails raked up his back. 

“I’m all good,” he shrugged. 

“But you’re painfully hard,” you tried again to get him to move but he just fell beside you on his stomach, not allowing you to touch him where he was in fact, extremely hard. “Come on, you always do this.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled and pulled you down with him. 

“I just want to do something nice for you, you never let me do anything for you or give you any favours,” in your head it seemed like a normal observation, it was true that Bucky didn’t let anyone do anything for him while he actively tried to help everyone in anyway he knew how. 

That seemingly struck a nerve, “alright then,” he sighed and got up from the bed, heading into the bathroom as he left you naked and alone on his bed, the most lonesome feelings in the world. 

“Where are you going?” you sat up, grabbing your shirt from the edge of the bed. 

“Going to go jerk off in the shower,” he said as he closed the door. 

“You can’t be serious,” you quickly stood and made your way to the bathroom that was connected to his room. You opened the door to see him already adjusting the tap before starting the shower. “Bucky, it’s the truth, it’s who you are but it’s the truth and as your girlfriend I want you to feel good, I want to give you pleasure like you do to me.” 

You reached forward and placed your hands on his back, slowly working your way to his shoulders so you could turn him around. There looked like shame had overtaken him as he stood before you, though he was larger in size he shrunk himself down to look small. His mouth opened and closed a couple of times, he didn’t know what to say. 

“If I can’t give you head then can I come in the shower and wash your hair?” you didn’t even put on the shirt you grabbed, it was dropped to the floor. “Come on, honey, it’ll feel so good.” 

Bucky only nodded before stepping into the hot shower with you. You made sure he got most of the stream on him, you stayed in front and made sure his hair was soaked before getting any product. You could see his tenseness at first but the moment your hands made contact with his scalp his eyes rolled back, his shoulders relaxed. In that moment it occurred to you that you had actually never seen his relaxed state before. 

“Doesn’t this feel good?” you whispered, making sure you used your nails to really cleanse his scalp. “Doesn’t letting yourself relax and breathe feel so good, Buck?” 

“Yeah,” it came out quiet and broken. 

Your eyes were focused on his hair the entire time, making sure you lathered up and took your time. You needed to savor this moment for both you and Bucky, you wanted him to be relaxed for a s long as possible as well as taking advantage of doing him a favour; never knowing when your next opportunity would come up. 

Gently tapped his forehead, you got him to lean back. The water immediately took off the top layer of suds but you needed to rub out the deeper layers as well. Your fingers scrubbed until the trail of water rolling down his body was pure water and had no shampoo in it. 

“I’m going to- oh, my gosh Bucky,” you reached out and saw his red eyes, “when did you start crying?” 

“I can’t remember,” he whispered and tilted his head down, the water pushed his hair to cover his eyes. 

You pushed his hair back and pulled him out a step further so the water hit his back, your thumbs quickly wiped away a mixture of water and tears off of his face. He couldn’t stop crying as you tried your best to keep his face clear, “honey, what’s wrong?” 

“I-” he choked on his own words, “I’ve never let my guard down this much,” he admitted before breaking off into harder sobs, you swooped in and pulled him tightly against your chest. 

“I know it’s a new feeling,” you whispered, “but I want you to be able to do this all the time, let your guard down around me,” it was a shot in the dark by saying this but you did it anyways, “I promise I won’t hurt you, I’ll never take advantage of your guard down, love.” 

It must have struck something because his knees buckled, his hands gripped tighter as he desperately kept you close to him. You didn’t know if you were making him feel better or worse but the act of letting go was needed for him, you kept holding him until there was nothing left to cry. 

When he pulled away he stayed close, close enough that you kissed him under the gentle rain of the shower and played with his hair at the base of his scalp. His hands stayed on your back and held you close to him, making sure you were always touching him in some way. You tried to get a good read on him but he kept his head low and gently ran his hands up and down your sides, just feeling you. 

“You’re very safe,” you whispered. 

Bucky looked up at you for a moment before keeping his eyes down for a while, his brows pulled together and it seemed like he was trying to say something but didn’t know how. Both of you were open and vulnerable, naked in the hot shower. Tears threatened to spill over at the picture of Bucky crying in front of you. 

“It was my mom,” Bucky whispered, “the one who broke me-”

“You’re not broken,” you quickly corrected, cupping his face and stroking his cheek with your thumb, “don’t say that.” 

Bucky just shrugged, “I’m the oldest, I have four sisters younger than me - all different dads.” Bucky took a deep breath and pulled you closer, “my mom…Winnie was an interesting woman who never wanted to be pregnant but somehow always ended up pregnant anyways, it also didn’t help none of the guys wanted to stick around.” 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, giving him the easy opportunity to hug you if he needed to. Nodding along, you encouraged him to keep going. 

“When my mom realized I could do the dirty work she would take advantage of that. I basically raised my sisters and somehow she managed to worm into my head,” he let out an angry laugh, “she’d say she loved me if I did things for her and I was a bad boy if I couldn’t or wouldn’t help her, she would say I didn’t love her if I didn’t change my sister’s diapers or bathe them while she sat on the couch.” 

“Bucky,” you were the one to instigate the hug, “that’s awful.” 

“And I’m aware of how I act now, all I’ve ever known is helping other people to make sure they love me,” he laughed again, “and it sounds stupid but I can never break out of the cycle, I always think I’m doing a good job or not being overbearing but then I start to second guess myself, you know?” he pulled away and looked at you, you quickly nodded. “I start to think about what people are saying behind my back and so I keep doing what I’m doing to stay on the safe side, I know it’s fucking annoying but I can’t help it.” 

“It’s not annoying, baby” you leaned past him and turned off the water as it grew cold, “and if you’ll let me I can help with that, I don’t want to fix you or change you, I just want you to be comfortable in this relationship and not think I’m secretly mad at you because you didn’t get me a glass of water.” 

Bucky nodded, stepped out of the shower with you and grabbed two towels. The conversation had naturally ended, Bucky didn’t have anything else to say. It was hard not to think he was overthinking again, the idea that you were causing him to stress out stressed you out. You were being truthful when you said you wanted him to be relaxed in this relationship, the last thing you wanted was underlying tension. 

Back in bed Bucky rolled over and cuddled into your breasts, holding you closely as you watched his head rise with your breath. You had no idea if he was asleep or not, you knew he wouldn’t mind either way if you played with his hair. 

“Thank you,” was all he whispered before falling asleep. 

********

You all sat around the couch to watch another big game. Though you had no idea what was going on you were just as into it as Steve. Half time had just started and you all took a collective breath, the two college teams were close. 

“Want another beer?” you asked as you stood up, looking at Bucky who was sitting on the couch. Steve and Nat had already filled up, you wanted another cooler and Bucky was almost done. 

“Yeah,” he quickly downed his final sip of beer before handing the bottle off to you. 

There was this anticipation in the room, you smiled and took the bottle and walked past Steve who was already looking at Bucky. The room seemed still when Bucky didn’t move, just pulling out his phone to look at something while the commercials played. Before making it into the kitchen you looked over your shoulder and saw the back of Bucky’s head, you bit your lip to suppress the smile that was growing. 

The moment you got back and sat next to him Bucky took your hand and pulled it into his lap. He fidgeted with your finger before looking over at you, “how’d I do?” he whispered. 

You laughed and leaned into his side, “how much did that make your cringe?” 

“I was in pain for a moment,” he answered as fast as possible before giggling with you as you clink your glasses together and take a long swing. With a deep breath he looked back at the game and kept your hand in his. Bucky must have not been paying attention but his phone buzzed, illuminating and accidentally showing his lockscreen. 

It changed from the photo of the two of you to a black background with white writing on it: 

Trust me, she’s not mad at you.

********

Thanks for reading, feel free to reblog and tell me what you think!

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[runningmunson]

Can You Show Me?

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: Rafe finds out that you have never finished during sex. What happens when you ask him to show you and he is more than willing to be a good friend and help?

Warnings: 18+, fanon!Rafe (?), smut (f receiving), fingering, nipple play, teasing

It was a typical summer weekend in OBX; another party and another drinking game played at the Cameron household. The current game was a classic- never have I ever. Basic ones were thrown around like every party, such as drunk called an ex, snuck out of the house, or slid into someone’s DM’s. After several rounds and drinks, it got spicier.

“Okay, my turn!” yelled Abby, a girl from your school, “Never have I ever had an orgasm during sex.” 

Everyone took a drink, even Abby. Kelce looked over at her, “What the hell Abby? The whole point of the game is to say something you haven’t done to get everyone else to drink!”

The group was so preoccupied with giving her crap that no one noticed you failed to take a drink; well, everyone except Rafe, that was. 

Not long after, the party started to dwindle down. The last few people left Tannyhill, leaving you and Rafe to clean up the mess. It wasn’t uncommon for you to stay the night and crash at Rafe’s, considering you two had been best friends for as long as you can remember. 

You had a system in place for cleanup, Rafe took the living room, and you took the kitchen, trying to throw as many cups and bottles away as possible before you went to sleep. The only sound coming from the house was music playing as you were too tired to have a conversation wanting to get finished.

When you were finally done, you made your way to Rafe’s room where he tossed you a t-shirt and shorts to change into. Once dressed, you left the bathroom and walked out to find Rafe shirtless in bed with your side ready for you. You climbed in and got on your phone to scroll through Instagram.

“You didn’t drink,” he stated bluntly; he locked his phone and set it on his side table.

“What?” you questioned, locking your phone and getting comfortable. 

Rafe placed his hands behind his head and looked over at you with a smirk growing on his face, “During the game, you didn't drink about having an orgasm during sex.”

You could feel your cheeks grow warm, “I don’t know what you’re talking about; yes, I did.”

“Uh, no. I watched you, and you definitely didn’t,” he cocked his head and threw you a look, knowing you were lying. You refused to answer. 

“Wait, you’ve really never had an orgasm during sex?” he questioned while letting out a small laugh out of disbelief.

You angrily turned around and pulled the covers closer to your body “Please don't make fun of me, Rafe. It’s embarrassing and-”

“I’m not making fun of you, alright? I'm just surprised is all,” he interrupted.

You turned around to face him, “It’s not like I've had plenty of experience with sleeping around. I can count on one hand how many guys I’ve been with, and none of them really cared enough about me or how I was feeling during sex to make sure I finished.”

“Fuck them then,” He said,” you don't deserve that, and I promise not every guy is like that.”

You didn’t know how to answer, so you both stayed quiet. You couldn’t help but notice the growing tension in the room nor stop the thoughts of wishing Rafe would be the guy who did care enough. 

You could tell Rafe wasn’t asleep yet by the way he was breathing. “Rafe, can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?” he turned on his side to face you.

“Actually, never mind. It’s really stupid,” you tried to shake out the thought. 

“I bet it’s not. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” he coaxed, attempting to get you to continue.

“Can you show me what it’s like?” You let the words flow out too fast and slurred for Rafe to fully understand what you were asking and closed your eyes tightly to avoid his reaction. If he said no, you could easily pass it off as having too much to drink and not thinking clearly. Rafe quickly sat up in bed.

 “You- you want me to show you?” he stuttered out uncharacteristically of his usual confident and cocky self. 

“I don’t know why I said that. I probably drank too much, so just forget it. I think I'm gonna sleep in Sarah’s room tonight,” you tried to get out of his bed but failed as he stopped you by gripping your arm.

“I’m not just gonna forget you said that. You and I both know you barely drank anything,” objected. “Fuck, did you really mean it?”

“Maybe…” you trailed off, looking around at anything in his room but his eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” he demanded.

You took a deep breath and turned to face him, your eyes meeting. “It’s just- I know you're experienced and the person I'm most comfortable with.”

“If this is what you want, I’ll do it. I need to hear you say it,” he emphasized.

“I want you to, Rafe,” you confessed with a shaky voice. Your hands found your shirt to remove it, but he stopped you.

“You don’t need to do that, at least not yet. This is gonna be different than the other times you’ve had because we won't actually be having sex,” he stated. He sat higher in bed and placed a couple of pillows behind his back.

You looked at him confused, “Then how is this supposed to work?”

“You do know there are other ways to achieve this, right? It’s not about me tonight, but all about you,” his signature smirk made its way onto his lips. “Come sit with your back facing me.”

Your legs felt heavy, and your heart was pounding. This is Rafe we’re talking about- you’re best friend, the guy you’ve been in love with for years. Was this just a dream? The sound of Rafe patting the place next to him drew you out of your thoughts. You walked over to the bed and sat down. His hands found their way around your waist and pulled you flush against his bare chest.

“Relax, okay? I’m gonna ease you into it, and if at any point you want me to stop, you let me know, and we stop,” he whispered in your ear. You shook your head in agreement.

You felt his warm breath on your neck as if he was hesitating- and maybe he was. Maybe he’s just as nervous as me. He placed a kiss on your shoulder and slowly began to trail upward.

When his lips finally met your neck, you felt a shiver run down your spine. The sudden movement made his lips curl up, knowing damn well the kind of effect a simple kiss was having on you. You felt yourself sink deeper into his chest and tilt your head to give him better access. His right hand moved from your hip and crept under your shirt, placing it on your stomach. His touch burned your skin. 

Rafe continued up to the sweet spot behind your ear and back down, settling right below the nape of your neck. His lips felt like velvet against your skin, and slowly but surely, you felt him begin to suck on your skin, claiming you in what you’re sure will be a mark in the morning. 

You were so caught up in the feeling that you didn’t notice his hand moving further up your shirt. The same time his teeth hit your sensitive skin, his thumb brushed against your sports bra-covered nipple, causing a soft moan to escape your lips. 

“That feel good, baby?” He teased. He called you baby. You nodded in response despite knowing he didn’t need an answer.

He raised his other hand and placed both on your breasts, kneading the plush flesh. Every time his fingers ran over your nipples, your pulse picked up. Not wanting the thin fabric of your bra to impede Rafe’s touch any longer, you leaned forward and threw your shirt and bra over your head and onto the floor. Your nipples pebbled at the sudden coldness in the air. 

Rafe chuckled at your sudden outburst and let his hands wander back up your chest. His fingertips circled your areolas and inched toward your now bare nipples. He ran his thumbs over them and began to toy with them, gently rolling and tugging the sensitive buds. 

He dropped one hand to the waistband of your shorts, silently asking permission to continue. When you didn’t protest, his fingers slipped under. His index finger lightly brushed past your clit and to your folds slick with arousal.

“Shit, babe. You’re already so wet for me,” he removed his hand to get a look at his finger.

“Oh,” You tried to close your legs in embarrassment at his comment, but he grabbed onto your thighs. It wasn’t something you ever heard the other guys say.

“That’s not a bad thing, it’s supposed to happen if you’re a guy taking his time and not just trying to get a fix. Let's make the next part a lot easier, take your pants off,” commanded, and you complied, lifting slightly off the bed so you could pull your pants down your legs and onto the floor. He hooked his feet under your ankles so your legs rested on his to spread your legs apart. 

Rafe’s hands roamed around your body and trailed down to your slit. He repeatedly ran his finger from the front to the back slowly, ensuring his finger was wet enough before his fingertip made contact with your clit. He started lightly circling your clit, causing pressure to build in your core. 

Hearing your breathing grow louder caused him to speed up and apply more pressure when he stopped. You were about to protest but stopped when he slipped one finger inside you and pumped it in and out.

“Feels so good,” you whined, enjoying how his finger felt.

“Can you take another?” he questioned.

“Please, Rafe!” you begged him. He inserted a second finger going deeper and faster. If his fingers felt this good, you couldn't help but wonder how his tongue would feel. His thumb brushed against your clit, causing pressure to bloom in your lower abdomen.

“Fuck, Rafe! I'm so close!” you let out a loud moan. It was hard to ignore the growing bulge in Rafe’s pants. 

“That’s it. Come for me, baby girl,” he demanded in your ear. The pressure built until you finally let go. You threw your head back and pushed further into Rafe, feet digging into the bed as you rode out your high. 

Your breathing was fast and heavy as you collapsed against Rafe. He removed his fingers and wrapped his arms around you, holding you close.

“You okay?” he asked, kissing your shoulder blade.

“More than okay,” you let out a laugh. Once you calmed down, you rolled over to your spot in the bed, throwing your discarded shirt back on. 

Rafe looked over and met your eyes. He reached out his hand and placed it on your cheek, leaning over to give you a soft kiss on your lips. His head rested on yours before pulling away. “Didn’t know hearing you moan my name would turn me on so much.”

“Do you want me to take care of that for you?” you motioned toward his obvious erection. 

Rafe smirked and shook his head, “Nah, I got it. Tonight was about you, remember? Besides, you can just make it up to me next time.”

Next time?

[charlesf1leclerc]

Summary- one day your whole world turns upside down and where will your lives go from here 

Warnings: childbirth, teen pregnancy 

A/N- this is inspired by the stab series bump. Not exactly the same but wanted to give a nod to my inspiration. Also I’m so inspired right now ahh!

Today started as a regular school day, I woke up , placed my uniform on , packed my lunch and left. Another day , final year, then I'm free , no more highschool. I worked hard, I got good grades , I had a small group of friends , my life is organized , put together and I know where I'm going. 

I walked down the sidewalk, down my usual route. Today we had an oral presentation. 25% of our final grade , I knew my points were thought out , I was prepared , I got this, I had no nerves. A cramping sensation fills my stomach again. This had been happening since I woke up sporadically, it would come and go for a few seconds but now they were getting further apart and more painful. I warped my hands around my lower body, the pain went away and I kept walking. Upon entering the gates , my ears were filled with the noise of highschool students like every morning. Girls gossiping, boys …. Being boys. The pain had gotten slightly worse on my way over , but again came and went. 

An arm wrapped around my shoulder. 

“ Morning girl” Madison enthused

“ Morning” 

“ Stop being so uptight you are going to smash this “ She nudged me 

“ I’m not , I just don’t feel well ok “ I shrugged back 

“ don’t tell me your nervous “ Mad’s smirked

“ no of course not” I shot back 

Maybe it was nerves, but I never get nervous , something was up. 

As I walked further to my locker the pain came back, it was like hell. I felt like I was going to die. This was not normal. The pain hit me so hard, I began to feel dizzy and then something built up in my throat. 

My locker door slammed closed and I ran to the nearest bathroom leaving Maddie and my locker very confused. 

Upon reaching the girls bathroom I ran into the nearest stall and slammed the door closed, kneeling down by the bowl and pouring out the vomit that rose from my throat. Something was wrong. The pain was intense, the vomit. This was not nerves.  

“ Y/N!” Madison yelled, hearing her footsteps come into the bathroom. 

I didn't reply. Vomiting again

“ I’m really worried, are you ok? “ 

I couldn’t reply so I left her un answered

“ I’m going to get someone!” 

That was best , I ‘m scared , this feels like death , something was not ok. 

Within moments a teacher had also entered the bathroom. Crawling under the bathroom stall door to get to me and seeing my state. 

Paramedics were called and before I knew it I was whisked away into the back of a ambulance, displayed to the whole school, I would be embarrassed later but right now I couldn’t take on anymore. 

Sweat dripped from my forehead and the pain was unbearable as we drove down the road. 

The paramedics tended to me , feeling my stomach, attached to wires. 

“ Ok y/n your baby is coming now im going to need you to push” He spoke 

Baby? Baby! BABY!

I was not pregnant. This was a mistake, people know when they are pregnant , I did and don’t know that I am pregnant , well was in a few moments time if a baby comes out. 

“ No I'm , I'm not having a baby!” 

“ I assure you , you are.. Did you not know?” he inquired 

“NO!” 

Did this seem like a person who knew they were having a baby, I don’t even look pregnant how can  a baby fit in there. 

“ you’re going to have to push anyway don’t focus on anything else” 

The pain was unbearable. He cut at the bottom of my skirt , to allow access and I pushed. I didn’t think I just did. 

Hours later 

“ A baby” my mum spoke from beside my bed in the hospital looking at the tiny creature next to me. “ Why didn’t you tell me y/n/n”

“ I didn’t know” I spoke emotionless

She sighed and looked away towards the door as the nurse walked in. 

‘ Everything looks good on both of your charts” she spoke chipley. “ Y/n there is some counseling we recommend to women who had a cryptic pregnancy, and to people of your age” 

I rolled my eyes and my mum took the paper. 

“ Thank you” my mum spoke up and the nurse left the room 

“ I don't want it” I looked to my mum

“ counseling would be good sweetie” 

“ No i don’t want the baby” 

My mum sighed “ Babies can be wonderful she may teach you some things, and shouldn’t this be a conversation we have with the father and his family first” 

“ I can’t raise a baby, I won’t “ 

And i didnt even want to start on the father talk I couldn’t think about that 

“ Who is the father? “ my mum asked

“ I don’t know” i bluntly replied

She wasn’t convinced but let me be for now. 

It later came that adoption can not happen until 30 days after the birth as the mother is not in a state to decide properly. 

“ 30 days , we have to take her home for 30 days!” I squeaked

“You can last sweetie get time to bond to see if this is what you really want” She smiled looking at the baby again, easy for her to say. I’m 17 and I can't raise a baby. 

How did I get here….

Dad Pov

It was just another day at school. My life was boring, karting, school back home with my siblings, dad and stepmom and repeat. At school I had it all but in life I had nothing. I wasn’t sure about where I was going to go after school, I didn’t even really want to continue school. 

It was currently later in the afternoon. I was sitting on the bench at lunch time as I waited for the others to join me. 

Lost in my thoughts. Leo came over and slammed himself down on the top of the table next to me snapping me out of my head.

“Sup,dude” we fist bumped my head still remaining straight ahead.

“You hear about that y/n girl?” He asked looking at me.

Y/n the one person I was not into talking about today. I had seen her being taken away in an ambulance today but had not yet heard what really went down.

“ yeah , crazy “ I mumbled 

“ yeah apparently she had a baby” 

What everything faded had I just heard him right

“ what?” I snapped to look at him

“ yeah  she hid it pretty well , she didn’t even know apparently” he nodded placing his food in his mouth.

She didn’t even look pregnant, how could she not of known. 

“ Wonder who the father is? You think it’s someone from here?” He intriguingly asked

I was just as curious, my hands began to sweat, surely one night could not have caused all this. It can’t be me!

A/N- ahhhh stay tuned and also vote on who you want the father to be 😉

[creedslove]

BETRAYED - PART FIVE

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, fluff, glimpse of Pedro being a great (silly) dad, and more angst of course

A/N: I really don't know what you guys will think of this part. It is longer than the others and for those who don't want Pedro to be forgiven, you can consider this the ideal end, though this is NOT the last chapter. I still have some ideas for this story but their development will go according to what you guys want, especially because due to all the feedback I've received over the last week (yes today marks one week I posted the first chapter) things are pretty divided between who wants a happy ending and who wants a sad one, lol!

A/N Part 2: I still can't manually tag people on the works because I use the app and it won't let me do it, that's why I don't have a tag list at all!

3.2k words

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR

Your heart clenched the moment you heard Kate's words. Pedro was there. After months pretending not to know each other, after not seeing him nor listening to his voice, months after the horrible argument you two had, where you both said horrible things to each other, words that hurt you two deeply, but also needed to be said. So you two could break free from what was holding you back. You and your mindless passion for Pedro, and him and his incapability of letting you go.

You realized you went silent for several seconds and Kate was staring at you with a worried look on her face, so you gave her a nervous smile and nodded "there's no problem, really. We are not making a scene or anything, I mean, we didn't have that much of a fight, it wasn't that serious"

"Yes, it was, Y/N" Kate said in a low voice "you completely fell out with each other, you have never been apart from long and honestly, he seems the saddest I've ever seen, and you don't seem like you're in a picnic either" she placed her hand on your shoulder reassuringly and looked down, excusing herself as she needed to attend the other guests.

You didn't like to be read like that, yes, you missed Pedro, in many ways you were still broken hearted at everything that went on, it's very hard to just let go of a person you were so invested in for years. It leaves an empty spot in your chest, even when you get over whatever happened, your mind always comes back to a bunch of might-have-beens. And though you and Pedro hadn't been away for that long, that's exactly how it felt. You walked out the kitchen and realized you were getting anxious to see him. He was there, it was a stated fact. It wasn't like when you went to the gym and very often looked over your shoulders, in hopes he wouldn't show up at the same time you kind of hoped he would show up. Internally battling with the relief of not running into him and also the disappointment of not seeing him. Once again, you had to remind yourself to act rationally, you didn't want to be shaken to the core when you saw him, and you definitely wouldn't make a scene at a princess' party.

When you reached the living room, he was the first one you spotted and for a few seconds he was the only thing you could see. There he was, Pedro, your dulce Pedrito like you used to call him and make a soft reddish color spread through his cheeks. He looked the same as always, the same as always made your heart race and you hated that. Your heart beat faster, your palms suddenly got a little sweaty and you were sure you'd stutter if someone asked you any question. You cursed yourself under your breath, months of self care and you still acted like a high school girl around him. The sadness Kate had seen your ass, you mentally rolled your eyes as you saw how he was still the life of the party, how he laughed and made everybody laugh. He wasn't sad, and why should he? Maybe you did hurt him in your argument, in fact you did hurt him as he left with tears in his eyes, but he probably got over you, he had done it so many times before, times where you still were friends and you loved and cared for him, so now what was stopping him from just forgetting about you?

Pedro finally eyed you, he knew you were coming and he tried his best to look good for you, he had a nice outfit on, his hair was messy like you always said you loved and God, he felt like time had stopped when he saw you walk into the living room. Hermosa, princesa, linda, mariposa, all of that crossed his mind once he saw you. He hadn't seen you in what it felt like forever, and now you were there, standing a few feet away from him. His desire was to rush to you, ignoring everyone else there, and wrapping his arms around your waist. If he could, he would let out all those Spanish words you loved roll out of his tongue before he could touch your skin and make you his. He chuckled to himself just to picture what you would say if you knew his heart raced when he saw you, how he wanted to take you into his arms like you had dreamed about it for so long. Life sometimes is truly a joke.

He didn't understand how you managed to become more beautiful since the last time you saw each other but you did it, and he couldn't take his eyes off you. He had no idea if you'd even want to talk to him, give him some of your time, but he was going to try.

Before you could greet everyone who was sitting closer than him, Flora and her big brother came running to you. If someone thought Flora was sweet, they hadn't met her brother yet. Wyatt was a five year old who seemed to be obsessed with you. Out of all his mommy's friends you were definitely his favorite. He was sweet to you like he was with no one else, and the fact he still had some trouble pronouncing his 'R' made him even cuter to you.

He immediately jumped onto your lap, snuggling you as tight as he could, he was overly excited at the sweets he'd eaten and the fact some people who brought his little sister presents also brought him presents!

Pedro's heart dropped to his stomach the moment he saw you surrounded by Flora and Wyatt. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to watch that, but he couldn't look away either. It all brought him back to the dreams he constantly had about you, the dreams where he always got to a happy, crowded home, where you were his and only his, in all the ways you dreamed of for long and now he longed for it as well and you two had built a beautiful family. He was always happy in these dreams, only to feel empty when he woke up.

One of the things he always loved about you and that one he made pretty clear throughout your entire friendship, was how good with kids you were. Of course Pedro had earned the cool uncle status, but he just admired how natural you were, how kids simply wanted you to be around them and how happy you got with that. It quickly drove him back to the night of your argument, and how you threw it on his face he was nearly 50 without a family. Yes, he knew you were right, but it still hurt him anyway. When he was younger, he wasn't sure if he was going for the traditional stuff but he assumed good old marriage and kids would happen to him, after all it happened to everyone. But as the years went by, he just focused on his career and he was pretty happy that way, apart from all the loneliness he felt, loneliness that was soothed by your company during the day and some other female company at night, sometimes even more than one at the same time. Until those stupid dreams began, every single night he would have a family with you and love every single part of it just to be taken back to reality where he was alone and all he got was his career.

"Did you really think I'd forget about you?" You whispered to Wyatt as you very discreetly handed him a small basket with his favorite chocolate. You didn't have enough for all the kids, so you hoped he wouldn't make a big fuss about it, but the moment he squealed in happiness and hugged you, you felt so lucky to be there. You quickly helped him open his present and watched as he ate one piece after the other. Kate would probably kill you the next day, but you didn't care at all, seeing his true happiness.

"Pedwo, come play please!!" He asked the man, waving his hand at him and inviting him to the empty seat next to you. You saw when he smiled at Wyatt and moved closer to you. His cologne was intoxicating and for a moment all you wanted to do was to rest your head on his shoulder and have his arm around your body.

"These are my favorite too, you gotta share" he frowned playfully at Wyatt and looked at you

"Hey Y/N" he said shyly and looked down clearing his throat before looking into her eyes again "you look very beautiful, muy hermosa como siempre" he said and saw the familiar blush spreading through your cheeks adding a cute look to your face. You still reacted the same, maybe you were still his muñequita?

"Hi Pedro" you said softly and smiled politely at him.

"Come on Pedwo do the voice!!! Do it again, fow Y/N to see!!" Wyatt begged excitedly and pointed at his brand new Grogu doll. Once again you felt the urge to roll your eyes mentally, of course that was Pedro's doing and it was so predictable. Cute, but predictable. The little boy however, was mesmerized as once more Pedro sat up and made his Mandalorian voice. You didn't know exactly how it was different from his regular voice, but it was and you couldn't explain. He said whatever Wyatt liked to hear and gently tapped the doll's head, making Grogu cooed and blink his eyes, lifting his little arm gently which caused Wyatt to squeal in happiness again.

You both felt pretty good at that, no matter what happened between you two, you were really good at handling kids together and your chest ached to wonder if the same would apply if you ever had children together.

•••

After singing Happy Birthday and serving the cake, Rob, Kate's husband, asked his kids to go to the backyard. Pedro grinned at the interaction and placed his plate down, taking your hand in his and pulling you "come on Y/N, you'll want to see this" he said happily and you had no other reaction than follow him. The kids were so excited when their daddy asked them to close their little eyes. They peeked all the time, not being able to hold back how eager they wanted to see the surprise. Pedro looked at you and smiled sweetly "I don't mean to brag, but it was my idea, so you're not the only one who is great with kids, you know" he winked at her.

You swallowed and looked down at your hands, fingers entwined and how softly Pedro caressed your hand with his thumb. You immediately let go of his hand and blushed, which wasn't unnoticed by him, who sighed and stared into your eyes "I know you're still hurt about everything that went on and we need to talk, I owe you an apology for what happened and-"

Pedro was cut off by the kids' screams of happiness and pure excitement when their daddy revealed their mysterious present: a bunny. A real life bunny, you stared into Pedro eyes and chuckled "that was your idea, right?" You asked and couldn't help but smile a little "I bet Kate is thrilled" you both burst out laughing and for a moment everything was alright between the two of you again.

He only laughed softly but gently took your hand in his once more, walking towards some trees, away from the fuss the kids were making and once you were both hidden enough from anyone else who might bother you, he finally gathered the courage to speak.

"I screw everything up with you, Y/N. I know I did, in fact I knew it from the moment it happened but I was too proud and stubborn to admit it" he sighed "and then it all got worse and worse until that horrible episode at your place. I deeply regret everything that went on" Pedro looked down, and then back at you again, being puzzled by how indecipherable your expression was. You watched him apologize without really apologizing, you just hated how he asked for your forgiveness without acknowledging anything at all.

"The reason why I didn't want to talk to you anymore was because I'm tired of being your doormat, Pedro. You know how much I love you" you bit your lips "how much I loved you" you corrected yourself and continued "but you only took advantage of it, and you know it. You know how many times you've hurt me, how many times you flirted with me, you kissed me almost on the lips, you sweet talked to me, the times you had your hands on my body not in an erotic way but definitely more intimate than a friend should ever do, you know how confused it left me, and you kept doing it"

Pedro knew it was all true, but he had decided to ask for your forgiveness and to be honest, he looked around embarrassed and nodded

"I-I know that, Y/N. I know I was a real shitty friend, always teasing you, playing with your feelings… I am really ashamed of it and if I could turn back in time, I'd never act that way. I had only one glimpse of what you must've felt all this time… when I saw you with that guy from the gym and it felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces"

You had to admit you were not expecting that, at first you thought it would be just some more of his usual bullshit, but it seemed Pedro really meant what he was telling you.

"And I know the last straw was that night at the gala. It should've been about us, after all, you were my plus one because I wanted to have you there, and I loved every minute we spent together, you looked gorgeous, muy hermosa mi cariño, but then I was just terrible to you. I don't know why I left with that woman, I mean, I don't know why I just gave in to that impulse and I know I tried brushing off as if you were exaggerating but these past months I was finally able to be true to myself and admit you were right. I was a dick, I not only humiliated you and broke your heart but also put you at risk by letting you go home on your way"

His voice had a sad tone and he didn't look away for a split second, showing he meant all that.

You began tearing up, as those were the words you waited months to hear. You wanted him to apologize, to admit what he'd done and now it had finally happened, you couldn't help but feel sad as it came too late.

"Pedro, I-"

"Please, Y/N, let me finish" he asked and took another breath "that day at your house was completely unacceptable, I know it, and we both hurt each other, I snapped because I saw you with another man and told you to leave me alone, and I didn't understand why I had such a childish and reckless attitude, until I realized I didn't know how to act on my feelings for you, which takes me to the very painful words you told me, which unfortunately, were also true. I left that night hating myself, I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I looked for help, I went back to therapy and I was able to see all the things I was doing wrong"

You saw when he took a step closer and you could smell his cologne, you had no idea what he was going to do, but your heart pounded into your chest as his big hands cupped your cheeks so gently, stroking them and staring into your eyes "and after all that self-analysis I came to the conclusion that I love you" he bit his lips and a light blush spread through your cheeks "I mean, I already did, as a friend, even if I was a dick, I truly loved and cared about you, but it changed, Y/N, it got more intense, you're the only thing that crosses my mind the whole day, the only one I want and crave, all I can think of is your body against mine, your beautiful voice singing while you make breakfast, the way you light up a room when you step inside, how the kids love you because they see how incredible you are" Pedro took another deep breath "I'm in love with you, Y/N" he finally admitted out loud and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He leaned in and touched your lips with his very softly at first, ghosting over them, appreciating how perfect they felt against each other. One of his hands went for your waist, wrapping his arm around it and gripping your body in a desperate need. He was so close you could feel his strong chest against your soft breasts, so pressed up against his body it was really hard to remind yourself that wasn't right. The moment you felt the man deepening the kiss, you couldn't hold back a soft moan. You decided to enjoy that moment, something you'd craved for so long, it almost felt like your heart was bursting out of your chest. Your hands gripped his hair, pulling it softly as you kissed him back as eager as he kissed you. You felt like you could be trapped in that moment forever with him, it felt right, even if it was wrong.

When Pedro broke the kiss looking for some air, you still gave him a last peck on the lips, gently stroking his cheek and taking a step back.

"Wow" you whispered and smiled shyly "I've dreamed about that moment for so long. God knows how much I daydreamed that one day this exact scene would happen, now it did, it feels unreal" you looked at him and took his hand, gently squeezing it "and that's why it breaks my heart to see it happened too late. I'm sorry Pedro, but we can't do this. I'm really sorry that I don't believe you, I don't think you love me, I think you love the fact I was in love with you and that stroke your ego like nothing else, I was young, devoted, I would do anything for you and would take anything you had to offer, but we can't do this anymore. I can't do this to myself, I love myself more than I love you now, and I won't let anyone get in the way of that, not even you" she said and let go of his hand "I'll always love you and cherish you Pedro, but it's time to say goodbye"

_____

A/N: any feedbacks, let me know! Also, you guys have just met Wyatt! He is pretty much my OC and for the years I wrote for/roleplayed Victor Creed/Liev Schreiber he was always my character's son, and I developed an emotional connection with him even if he is not real, so I thought to myself, why not show the world what a ray of sunshine my fictional son is, right?

And yes, the bunny thing I got from Narcos because I thought Pablo Escobar had no right to be that cute while gifting his daughter a bunny, the way she got happy when he gave her su conejito just made me go all aww 🥰

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

So we all agree Eddie was a theater kid right? So what if Steve saw him as the phantom in Hawkins’ production of Phantom of the Opera? Ignoring that Phantom first premiered in October 1986 in London and the licensing rights to the play didn’t become available until like the 2010s OR this is modern AU

Like, Steve was dating a girl (maybe the one just before Nancy?? idk) and she was in the play as Meg and he went to see her but instead was completely blown away by tall dark and handsome playing the phantom. (the sex appeal, the dramatics, the voice).

He can’t even tell his gf how well she did because it’d just be a lie anyway, it’s like his brain was only aware of the stage in front of him when the Phantom (Eddie) was on stage.

He goes to see another showing on his own the next day and is so smitten with Eddie that he sneaks backstage and leaves a rose with a black ribbon for Eddie “To the phantom, from your secret admirer”.

Steve never forgot about his crush on Eddie “the Freak” Munson, realizes he’s bi by time Vecna happens and after everyone lives, nobody dies dammit, finds out Eddie never forgot about his secret admirer and has always wanted figure out who it was.

Robin and Eddie are talking about it when Steve comes in for work one day, “Yeah, it would be even more of a romantic story if I found out who it was. But it’s still romantic as it is, isn’t it?”

“Sure, especially since you’re so adamant about it having been a guy that left it for you.”

“Ah, we’re doing guy talk? Munson has a new crush or what?” Steve says as he slips the green vest over his shoulders.

Eddie had come out to them after waking up in the hospital; Robin and Steve having been together with him on a night shift of “Eddie Watch”. Of all people to accidentally come out to while still on the hospitals high-grade painkillers, Eddie feels lucky it happened to be to (maybe) the only other queer kids in Hawkins.

“No lady has that horrible of handwriting, Buckley, it has to be a guy. But WHO??” Eddie yells to the ceiling as he throws up his arms in frustration.

“Who are you talking about? How can you have a crush on someone and you know literally nothing about them?”

Eddie grinned at Steve, launching into his story as Robin rolls her eyes and heads out from behind the counter to put back the returns (“It’s quite the tale Steve, I’ve heard it so many times I could probably tell it just as good as Eddie can.” she says before Steve can ask where’s she’s going).

Eddie tells Steve the whole story, how he got the lead in the high school’s production of Phantom, working so hard to get the songs down, how nervous he was the first show, and then the kicker (his words): he gained a secret admirer from how great his performance was.

The whole time he’s telling steve this story, Steve manages to keep his face from changing from (what Steve has found to be) his constant state of fondness for the metal head, to one of horror as he realizes Eddie is talking about him. This whole time Eddie hasn’t forgotten what he did. And yeah, if Steve’s honest with himself, his crush on Eddie never fully died out; he shoved down as far as he could, the only evidence of it remaining through the rest of his time in school was no one ever remembering King Steve Harrington ever actually doing shit to the school’s resident freak. No teasing, no shoves into lockers while walking past, nothing.

He had almost completely extinguished it, until one fateful encounter in Reefer Rick’s boathouse.

“Wow, Eds, that is a pretty great story” Steve admits, “Do you have any ideas who it could be?”

“Loads! Tommy H. for starters-don’t give me that look Steve, you know he wants all this.” Eddie chides, gesturing to himself. “Maybe it was the stage manager, Carl? No, I’ve seen his handwriting plenty…” he tails off and thinks to himself for a bit before looking back up at Steve “Either way, I know he’s out there” Eddie rubs the back of his head shyly, “and even if he isn’t crushing on me anymore, I’d still love to find out who it was at some point you know?”

Steve smiles softly at the older man, “Yeah, that makes sense. Well, good luck Munson, I hope you find him.”

“Thanks Steve.” comes a voice as quiet as Steve’s ever heard from Eddie. They look at each other for a moment before Eddie glances at the clock behind Steve’s head. “Oh shoot! I’m late to meet Wayne!” He cups his hands around his mouth to shout “BYE ROBIN!” across the empty store, then turning to the door with a “Bye Stevie!” and he’s gone.

Steve feels every muscle in his body relax, falling hard onto the counter in front of him as his face falls and his hands come up to catch it.

Robin’s done with the returns by now and sees Steve’s dramatics, “Whoa, don’t hurt yourself there, Dingus..what’s wrong?” her voice changing to concern as she rounds the counter to him.

“Robin, I’m Eddie’s secret admirer.”

Pt. 2 will be here once I write it

Now on AO3! Several Notes of the Most Amiable Nature

[camelspit]

Biana Vacker by @aspenaspenaspenaspenaspen

Jolie Ruewen by @camelspit

Propaganda:

Biana Vacker:

"she’s literally the sweetest person ever!!!! also she was uplifted because of her looks for her entire life and then when she got her scars, she learned to embrace them!!! which is NOT easy so shes one of the strongest ppl in kotlc imo! she’s an amazing character who has a heart of gold" @venux777

"Please please please vote Biana pleeeeeeeeeeease she’s so cool she was my middle school self’s gay awakening she’s Shannon’s favorite little plot convenience she’s every fanfic writers favorite plot convenience to host a sleepover so Keefe and Sophie can kiss she’s not just a girl she’s SO GIRL vote for Biana Vacker" (anonymous)

"she’s the best. literally the definition of gaslight gatekeep girlboss. she kicks ass and looks cute while doing it. 🔥" (anonymous)

Jolie Ruewen:

"my girl Jolie deserved so much better, I lover her sm she's so underrated ugh. I hope we will get to see her more in book 10" (anonymous)

"guys she literally haunts the narrative like no other. sure, prentice was kinda haunting the narrative for a few books in his schrödinger’s-dead state, but jolie has been *dead* dead since before book one, yet she feels more alive to us at times in the series than some living characters.

we know what her favorite treats were, we know she loved gremlins, we know she was scared of the dark as a kid, we know she was the life of the party, we know where her dresses and makeup were and still are decades later. we know her wedding was going to have a butterfly theme. we know she was willing to write in a diary in a secret code backwards because she needed to confess somewhere but couldn’t confess to the people she needed to. we know she loved so much it killed her and she was loved so much that part of grady and edaline and brant and maybe even vertina (A PIECE OF AI) and others died with her.

sophie never even met her, and there’s a part of her that loves jolie and thinks of her as someone safe, given the times prentice appeared as jolie and sophie went “this is a sign i’m gonna be alright”. jolie was a source of goodness so palpable that prentice feels safer taking her shape. and grady and edaline see her in sophie more than they’ll ever say out loud. sophie is a warped reflection of some of who jolie was and could’ve been.

jolie is an inspiration and a warning to all in the same breath. and it’s been almost twenty years since her last breath was full of smoke." @synonymroll648

[mara-and-its-the-same]

yeah,,,, sad boy,,,,, anyway

I got this request in like february and then i lost it but it was on anon so i hope it finds whoever requested it even though i bet they don't remember, hey lovely! i LOVED your last post so i was wondering if i could submit a post? ive had this idea for awhile…. A JJ Maybank x kook!reader where JJ just keeps bringing up the fact that the reader and rafe used to have a fling and the reader just breaks down and asks JJ why he keeps bringing it up and JJ tells her its because he saw that Rafe still texts the reader and JJ like demands that the reader blocks Rafe. you can end it however you like! i just like a lot of angst lmao ❤️💋 It should be stated that i did get carried away and forgot a few things but I hope you enjoy <3 WC: 5k, not beta'd

“You’re staring.” You saw JJ looking at you from the other side of the small living room in the chateau. You’d been texting in your group chat with your friends from your old school, since some of them had switched to boarding schools and whatnot, but you caught him out of the corner of your eye.

“I’m not.”

“What are you doing then?”

“Admiring.”

You moved closer to the edge of the couch and made room for him. He jumped on next to you, nearly landing right on top of you. “You’re typing pretty fast. Who’re you talkin’ to?”

You learned in the last few months that you’d been together now that JJ was not the terribly jealous type in public. He was the first guy you’ve dated that understood that if you’re dating a hot girl, there’s no reason she should stop being a hot girl. If anything, he liked it more. He liked that everyone would look at you but you’d always be looking at him. The problem came whenever you took a second to look away. You both knew what it was like to feel insecure, like someone was leading you on for no reason, like there was no trust. 

“Just my friends from school.”

“What about?”

“They’re trying to plan something next Saturday.”

He made a face you couldn’t see but you could feel it from his cheek moving on your shoulder. “What?”

When you looked at him he tried to take a neutral expression. “We’re going out Saturday.”

“I know.” Your voice didn’t match his. He sounded rough and salty, you were smooth and sweet. “That’s why I said ‘they’re’ trying to. My Saturdays are yours.”

“Good.” He pushed up to kiss you then went out to see what Pope and John B were doing outside. 

Kiara had been watching from the kitchen with a curled lip and a raised brow, holding her cold bottle to her chest. She got you one before she came and sat where JJ had just been. “Possessive much?”

“It’s fine.” You dropped the sweetness and just sounded bored. 

“You see him every Saturday?”

“I see him every day. And I guess that includes the days my friends I haven’t seen in 6 months are back in.” You shrugged and rolled your head to the back of the couch after taking a drink. “It’s fine.”

“Why don’t you tell him you want to see them?”

Another shrug, “He’ll ask why I want to go out with some Kooks when I can be with you guys.”

“That’s ridiculous.” She stood up like she was going to walk right out and tell him you’re going, but you pulled her back by the elbow. “What?”

“I’ll talk to him later.”

“Promise?”

You nodded and locked your pinky with hers before going outside. 

***

As Saturday approached, your phone buzzed more and JJ got more…territorial. You put it back on do not disturb and set it down by your leg, the one he wasn’t next to, and went back to watching your feet dangle with the tide slowly rising and the wake of a boat every so often splashing your toes. Adding an occasional kick to watch the way it rippled. The sun was settling behind you like an over-ripe peach. Big and bleeding towards orange, it spilled into the water, sending little arcs of light swimming with every roll of water.

“Who’s going Saturday?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re friends are going out Saturday, which ones?”

“Oh, yeah. Um I don’t think you’d know most of them but like Sarah Cameron, maybe her brother, I don’t know though. Lizzie Callaghan, Riley, Jack. I forget who else.”

“You wanted to go out with Rafe Cameron?” It sounded ugly when he said it like that.

“I wanted to go out with my friends whether or not he was there. I told you I wasn’t going to go since we already made plans that day. It’s fine, we’re both happy with it, don’t worry about it.”

“You don’t seem very happy about it.” He pulled his legs up from the water and his heels left the almost grey old wood of the dock dark with salt water. He pulled his arms around his shins.You thought you’d get through without it being brought up, having spent another day together in the cut. He hated going to your house. Not that he hated your house, he hated how far it was from his, how it was further than distance, it was tax brackets away, worlds away. 

“I haven’t seen them in a while, I’d like to see them soon. I have plans that day, they’ll be back. It’s fine.” Your posture went to shit after you grabbed your phone. Not that it was the best before, when you were looking at the water, but now your arms weren’t holding you up so your back was curled like a shell. Just to check the time and if Sarah or Kie texted you.

“Yeah, cus I’m sure you never get to see Rafe.”

“Jesus Christ, Jay. I told you that we went on 3 dates four years ago,” you slammed the face of your phone on the dock next to you, not the best idea. “He is in college in Massachusetts! So yes, we “dated” when I was 14, and we stayed friendly because his sister is one of my best friends.” You stood up and grabbed your bag on the way, he hardly even moved, just craned his neck and let his view of you be blurred by the sun behind you. “Yes, I would like to see him, but he, and all my other friends, will be here for the whole summer, there’s more than enough time for me to see them any other non-Saturday.” 

“So you still talk?”

“Holy fuck.” You put a hand to your head and turned away for a second. 

“I’m just saying like, you’re my girlfriend. It’s not impossible to think that maybe I don’t want you hanging around with that kind of asshole.”

“What is ‘that kind of asshole’?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I feel like I don’t.”

“I mean he was a classist prick to me and all my friends my whole life,” he finally stood up now, and moved so that he blocked the sun from your eyes.

“When he was fucking 12!”

“What about last year when he crashed me and John B’s party at the boneyard? You remember that right? You and him and all your little kooks came, flocking like fuckin– fucking vultures.”

“Fuck this,” you remembered that night, the two of them got into a fight over a keg, and yes Rafe did make some low blows about him being a pogue from the Cut, but that was a year ago, when he was still using and while he was drunk, he’s still accountable, but he’s not that person anymore. 

You tried to get past him but he made a lame attempt at blocking your way. “I just want to go home, Jay. I don’t want to do this anymore.” You looked at him now and saw the way his face went from annoyed to apologetic. 

“That’s ok, hey, that’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.” He tried smoothing your hair back and letting his hand coast down to your neck but you moved away. “Just let me drive you home.”

“I don’t want– I’m fine, I’ll call Sarah. Just– Please.”

“Please what? I don’t know what you want.”

“I want you to stop. I want this to stop.”

“I don– honey, what do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t even breathe around you like this. It’s– It’s suffocating, Jay. I love you, you know that. I don’t know why you can’t just believe it too.” He let you walk away after that. What more was there to say. 

***Saturday***

Since you got together, the last 3 days have been the longest JJ’s gone without seeing you. He was laying on the pull out sofa backwards, his head dropped down over the foot of the bed, not caring that the mattress has sunk over the years and the black metal bar was digging into the back of his neck. He knew he shouldn’t let his pen go upside down, but he needed the distraction, he blew it down trying to fight the cloud from going up before it evaporated. 

Kiara was cross legged on the other couch, tapping through her friends’ snap stories. She still had some of the people you went to school with added. “Hey J,” she said.

“Hmm?” 

“Have you seen Sarah’s story?”

“Why would I see Sarah’s story?”

“I don’t know. You want to?”

“Not really.” He flipped over so the front of his throat was on the bar and he let out a long groan before he fixed his position. 

“She’s lookin awfully comfy up with Sarah.” He knew who she ment by “she.”

“Lemme see.”

“I’m not moving, you come here.”

He groaned again when he flipped off over the couch, like an old man. 

Kie swiped it back to the beginning and he saw the progression of you and some other girls in the back of one of their brand new broncos. The roof was off and the next one was a boomerang of your big smiles and hair blowing wild. Then another of you all at lunch, the waiter must have taken it of you. Some of your food, then the sky with your hand pointing to a cloud and your voice saying “That one looks like a chameleon. I’m telling you, look at it.” “What are you talking about?” It sounded like Rafe but Sarah kept it pointed at the sky. “You’re looking at it wrong.” It panned down to you standing behind Rafe, taking him by the shoulders and turning him in the right direction. “That looks like a dog.” It ended with you slapping him on the arm. 

The next story was Riley’s, Sarah’s cousin, after the few Kiara skipped through of just the restaurant, there was one of you and Sarah dancing in the street. It looked like it you were still just outside the restaurant, one with an overt theme of a European café. There was a street performer with his open guitar case in front of his stool, his instagram handle on a piece of cardboard tapped to the back of it. In the background, behind you two spinning each other around, it looked like Rafe threw some money in there and then said something to the busker. The next video was of Rafe playing a song that had you all laughing and spinning together. He looked away when he saw you turn your head to look at him. 

He looked different than the last time he saw him, healthier, he lost that faraway look he used to have in his eyes. He looked good, and you looked like you liked it. 

Kiara turned off her phone and shifted to look at him better. “Doesn’t matter.” She put her hand over his, “She’s just happy he’s doing better, that has nothing to do with how she feels about you.”

“I know that, I know. I just– fuck, I ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, you fucked it up a little bit, but not ruined.”

“I don’t want her to hate me.”

“I don’t think she has it in her to hate anyone, especially you.”

***The Cameron House***

Your day ended with a backyard camp out just like you used to do as kids. After all the tents were set up and Riley and Sarah kicked the boys out, you made your 9 person tent into a 5 girl paradise. There was an honest fear in all of you that all your sunset lamps and starry night projectors would overwhelm even the industrial powerstrips, but Sarah assured you, as she plugged in the fourth fan, that it’d all be fine. It was like sitting in a sunset. Pinks and peaches and bubbly orange colors everywhere you looked. Fluffy duvets lined every inch of the floor and there was no escape from all the pillows. Memoryfoam, down, throw, body, king size, every kind of pillow you could imagine stolen from every room in the house. You were between Lizzie and Sarah with Riley and Wheezie across from you. 

You always used to have a camp fire before you went back to your tents, and by the time you noticed that the sun was beginning to set from your captured sky in the tent, Rafe and the three other boys had gotten it started. 

Lizzie was handing you everyother s’more she made, which really meant that she messed every other one up and gave it to you when she didn’t want it. You were on your second when Rafe noticed you looking cold and holding your hands in front of the fire and elbowed Sarah to go get you a sweater or something. She came back and apologized if it was the wrong size, it was Rafe’s that he grew out of 4 years ago and she never grew into length-wise. “Have another, have another.” Lizzie was trying to bring another s’more to your lips. 

“I can’t, I’ll be sick if I have any more.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun.” You knew she was joking when she knocked her shoulder into yours.

“No, you’re the one trying to kill me.”

“Death by s’mores?”

“It’s an epidemic.” Wheezie said as she popped another perfectly goldened marshmallow into her mouth.

You gave Lizzie a look then moved to the bench at the side of the fire where the smoke wasn’t blowing. The only open seat was between Rafe and Jack. Let’s just hope that no one posts anything else tonight. 

“Sick of the s’mores?” Jack asked you.

“Yeah, the perfect goop in the middle can only make the charred black shell on the outside worth it so many times before it’s just not.”

“Pull it off then,” Rafe suggested.

“And lose the exhilarating crunch? Never.”

Rafe shrugged, knowing you were just going to keep going in circles, just for fun, and reached over the arm of the bench to offer you something from the cooler. “Surprise me.”

“Close your eyes then.”

“Why?”

“It needs to be a real surprise. If I got something you don’t like you’d just have me put it away and get you something else. Where’s the surprise in that?”

“Hmph.” You closed your eyes and opened your hand to accept the can, the condensation was dripping into the place where your thumb meets your hand and whatever he gave you tasted like fizzy lemon and basil. You hummed trying to figure it out without opening your eyes, in the end you gave up and read the label anyway. “I’m not gonna get high off of this, right?”

“It’s CBD.”

“I don’t know what you’re giving me.”

“I gave you a seltzer.”

“With CBD.”

“Would you be making as big a deal as this if I gave you a beer or something?”

You shrugged and he went to take your can away and replace it with a corona. “Wooah, woah, woah, who said I was done with that?”

“You.”

“No. It was good.”

“Good.” He let go and you took another sip. You took another look around at the fire and everyone around it then brought one leg up to hug against yourself. “So how’ve you been?”

“I’m alright. You?”

“Better than I’ve been in a while.”

“That’s good, I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks…yeah.” He cracked open another can of seltzer, just a regular one. “So I hear you’re going out with that Maybank kid.”

“Don’t call him that, you know his name.”

“Sorry, JJ. How long?”

“A few months. 6 actually.”

“And he let you come out with me?”

“He didn’t let me. I dom’t need anyone to let me do anything.”

“I’m sorry, I just meant–”

“It’s fine, sorry. It’s fine.”

“Should I apologize to him?” He was looking at you but you were just looking at the fire, Jack had left you by then to put out a flaming marshmallow.

“For what?”

“I don’t know, being a dick to him for however long.”

“Probably.” You looked at him now and he looked sincere enough for you to want to continue the conversation. 

“You know that I was really in a bad place then, right? Like using every chance I got, just being a dick and having no idea what I was doing?”

“I know. Doesn’t excuse it though.”

“I know that, I do. Which is why I want to apologize. And I’m not just gonna blame my dad either though, like I should have known better than to just regurgitate all the shit he was telling be about the Cut and pogues and whatever, all that shit that doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, I get that.” You turned so you could face him too, your leg was still up on the bench between you two.

“And I wanted to apologize to you too. I was a complete asshole to you that whole time too. I was so stupid and I shouldn’t have been messing with you when you were like 14.”

You took a deep breath before you said anything. You never really had any strong feelings about when you “dated” before, whenever you thought back to it you thought it was all just because you were young and didn’t know any better. Now that he’s saying this though, it just floods your memory of all the times he tried manipulating you into things you weren’t ready for. You never gave in and eventually he gave up and found some other girl that’d fall for the flash of an amex faster than a smile, but you never actually fell that hard to feel any overwhelming feelings about it. “Can I hug you?”

“Really?” Obviously not the reaction he was expecting. 

“Mhm.” He leaned in and you rubbed one hand up and down his back a few times. “I forgive you.”

“For real?”

“You’re trying to be better, I believe it.”

***The Chateau***

“JJ, no!” Kiara tried to go after him before John B blocked his way out the front door.

Clearly, someone was posting more videos than you knew about. Kie and JJ were just watching baby sensory videos, the ones with the bouncing vegetables, when she got a post notification. “You wanna look at it?”

He shrugged for the thousandth time that night. “Sure.”

And there was the flaming marshmallow melting on the stone and one of them trying to stomp it out with their $50 flip flop… and you in the background, first with you looking into Rafe’s eyes. Next with your arms around him and his face turned into your neck. Whether he was talking or anything else meant nothing to JJ. 

John B was enough to stop him even if he kept trying to push him out of the way. “The fuck is wrong with you, man?”

“She’s supposed to be with me, ok?” He was angry but they heard the hurt underneath. “She’s supposed to be with me and I keep– I keep fucking it up.” He beat a weak fist on John B’s chest before he took him into his arms. 

“You didn’t. You didn’t. Listen, listen, hey,” JJ finally pulled back to let John B look at him. “We’ll have her over tomorrow, yeah? Have her over, you guys can talk and figure it out?” JJ was shaking his head. “What? What is it?”

“She doesn’t want me. I fucked it all up and she doesn’t want me anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Kie, show him the thing.”

“What thing?”

“Jay, I don’t think–”

“Just show him the video.”

She went through it and showed John B, she pointed out you and Rafe. “See?” JJ was about to cry again, so John B pulled him back in like a little kid.

“We’ll have her over tomorrow.”

***The Cameron House***

The fire was dying out and you and Sarah were the last ones out. Everyone else was sleeping, or at least laying down in their tents. 

“You’re still with JJ?”

“Mhm,” You nodded and took another sip from your sprite. “Actually, I don’t know. It’s been weird.”

“What do you mean?” She moved closer to your side. 

“He didn’t want me coming, first because we had a date set, then because he’s still banged up about Rafe and the stuff he used to do. Also because of the 4 dates we went on when I was like 12.” She knew you meant 14, semantics. She hated those 4 weeks, they were miserable. 

“But you still came?”

“Mhm, I haven’t seen him since Tuesday.”

“But–”

“He hates your brother.”

“He’s not the only one. But he’s gotten better.”

“I know he has, he apologized to me earlier tonight.”

“So he–”

“He want’s to apologize to JJ too. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I just…”

“It’s ok, I get it.”

“Thank you. I don’t want to mess it up with him. It’s been going so well, and he’s so wonderful when he wants to be. He’s just…he’s everything and I love it but I just can’t stand it when he gets all weird about coming to my house, he never wants to meet any of you guys or come anywhere near figure 8. I don’t feel bad about what I have, and I don’t pity him for what he has, but I just wish it didn’t matter. Like I wish no one ever told him that he’s just a ‘dirt broke pogue’ or that he’s gonna end up like his dad. He could do so so much if he wanted and I just want him to know that. I don’t want anything to hold him back and I just want to give him the whole world and make him happy but I know he won’t take it,” She put an arm around you and rubbed your shoulder that was against her chest with her other hand. You hiccuped a sob before you realized it and took a breath to collect yourself. “I don’t know if he thinks he isn’t worth it, or he doesn’t deserve it because he isn’t worth it, but I– Fuckin christ, I just want him to be ok.” Your cry became a whine like a little kid’s that doesn’t know how to get their feelings out any other way. Sarah was holding you as close as she could and rocking you side to side as you tried to decide if it would be better to just let it all out now, or try to breathe again. 

“You wanna go see him?”

“What?” You pulled back and wiped the few streaks of tears from her cheeks, you didn’t feel like you were worth crying for at the moment. 

“Do you want to go see him?” She pulled the cuff of her sweater up to wipe over your cheeks then under your nose. 

“What do you–Like right now?”

“Yes, come on,” she shook your shoulder just a bit. “We’ll take the car, go to his house.”

“Not his house. John B’s.”

“John B’s then. You want to?”

You let her pull you up from the bench and towards your shoes before you gave yourself a second to think about it.

***

The streets were nearly dead besides the few college kids speeding by you or a few pick up trucks on their way to work in the other direction. 

You caught your face in the sideview mirror, tear stained and puffy but weirdly ethereal with the way the watery tracks sparkled in the street lights you were passing at lightning speed. You looked at yourself a little too hard before you realized how ridiculous this whole thing was. 

“What the fuck are we doing?”

“What? No, no, hey, come on, don’t back out now!”

“Sarah, it’s past 2 am, this is just, god it’s so desperate.”

“I am not turning this car around.”

“I’ll jump out the window.”

“You will not!”

You looked back at where you came from, woods, long, straight, not worth the walk in any direction. “Fine.”

“Prepare yourself, we’ll be there in like 5 minutes.” With her driving, 5 became 2 and you were barely halfway though your imagined version of how this would go. 

She parked but didn’t turn the car off yet. “The lights,” you hissed at her. “You’ll wake them up.”

“And who do you want to answer the door then?” She pulled the key out and went to the front door before you could get out of your seatbelt.

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock

“Jesus christ, Sarah,” You pulled her arm down. “You want them to think we’re a SWAT team?”

****

They ran out of drinks 4 hours ago so Kie and John B were playing an embarrassing game of cup pong with some probably a little bit expired sprite they found at the back of the fridge. Pope was showing JJ a nature he hoped would be a good enough distraction, he was getting very invested in the baby elephant’s journey, which they thought was a good sign.

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock

All their heads shot up from whatever they were doing, it could really be anyone. Too many people trying to find them, not enough with any boundaries or respect for their circadian rhythms.

John B took a step to the door, “Wait,” JJ said, “It could be Luke.” John B nodded and JJ went into the bathroom and locked the door. 

Pope walked behind John B and nearly jumped out of his skin when another round of loud knocks came, followed by a harsh “Sarah!”

They looked at each other in confusion then opened the door.

You were there holding Sarah by the wrist, she had her fist raised to knock again, “Hi,” she said before she remembered to put his arm down. He stood to his full height and she was nothing short of stunned. I thought this was about me?! You rolled your still teary eyes and stepped forward just a little. “Can I see him?” you asked gently, knowing you were in no position to be making any demands.

“Do you really think–” –that’s a good idea, is what he was going to say in that careful tone, not wanting to hurt you or JJ, or over step on your relationship but still trying to protect his friend, doing too much at once.

“Yes.” 

There was really no room for any more arguments, he stood back to the side to let you past and you went to the bathroom door. Two gentle knocks, “JJ, I– Can we– I–” you were half a second from turning back to Sarah, crying again saying ‘I can’t do it’ but he opened the door and pulled you inside; and maybe you shouldn’t have, but you grabbed both his hands, holding them in a way that his forearms were close against your chest, maybe the weight would calm your heart down. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He moved his hands to the sides of your neck, his thumbs in the space under your ear, just under your jaw. Your hands held his wrists instead. “I don’t want to fight, I saw you and Rafe and I fucking– I saw my whole life without you and I didn’t want it.”

“No, no, don’t be sorry. I don’t want you sorry, don’t be sorry.” You brushed his hair away from his sticky forehead, “I should have listened better, I should thought about what you wanted. I just want to give you everything and the feeling that I couldn’t even give you a Saturday, I–”

“It’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have asked you to chose, I don’t want you to chose between my life or yours, ok? Pick yours everytime, don’t drag yourself down for me.”

“No, no. There’s no my life or your life. Not to me, right? There’s just ours.”

‘Our life.’

“I love you,” he had to say.

“I love you too, and I never want to do that again.”

“Do what?”

“I don’t want to not see you or hear from you for 3 days, and I don’t want to have to decipher your feelings, I want you to tell me the truth. Even if you think I won’t like it.”

“I can do that, I can do all of that.” He was trying to talk fast, the faster he talked the faster he could kiss you, kiss all the feelings he didn’t know how to tell you into you. 

He moved in but you moved your head back before his lips reached yours, “Wait.”

“What? What is it?”

“I need to know that you’re not gonna do that again, I need to really know.”

“I promise, I promise you, babe, anything you want.”

“But how do I know you’ll keep it?”

“I mean it.” He took your hands again. 

“But can you–”

“Every day, I’ll prove it every day.”

“You swear?”

“On my honor as a Pogue.”

“Hmm,” you leaned into his humor now that you knew he meant it.

“What? You doubt my honor?”

“Only a little.”

“Then I swear on John B’s life. If I ever ever make you feel like I don’t care about you or like you’re doing something wrong, I will personally deliver you his heart in my hand.”

“Ugh, so graphic!”

“How else will you know I mean it?”

You moved your hand up his arm and wrapped your arms around his neck, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[jjsmaybank20]

heyyyy! can i request a leighton murray x younger finkle sibling fic where they try to hide it from kimberley

Sneaking

Leighton Murray x fem!Finkle!reader

Summary: You are Kimberly's younger sister, and when you and Leighton start dating, you sneak around behind your sister's back.

Warnings: fluff, slight smut

Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: Hope you like it!

navigation  the sex lives of college girls masterlist

---

When Kimberly mentioned that she had a younger sister, the suitemates were expecting a younger, maybe even more annoying version of her. When she described you as a leather-jacket type with tattoos but with manners that rivaled her own, the girls obviously doubted her. Especially since Kimberly said that her ex-boyfriend looked like Shawn Mendes, and he ended up looking like… well, definitely not like Shawn Mendes. They thought that maybe you had gotten one tattoo, or worn a brown leather jacket once, and now that was how Kimberly described you. 

But you. Oh, you. She didn’t exaggerate at all. In fact, she probably underexaggerated. You went to a school near Essex, and when you finally found time to come and visit your sister, Kimberly’s roommates couldn’t hide their shock if they even tried. 

You rolled up in front of the dorms on your motorcycle, white t-shirt hugging your muscles and full-sleeve tattoos on display. The girls stood in shock as Kimberly ran towards you and jumped into your arms, you barely catching her before turning your bike off and walking forward with you still supporting her. 

“This is a prank, right? Like, she hired someone to act like her sister or something. There is no way they’re related,” Whitney states. When she gets no response, she looks at the other two girls for backup. She sees both Bela and Leighton staring at you with their jaws dropped, and just a little bit of drool escaping from Leighton’s mouth.

She taps her blonde friend’s chin, which makes Leighton snap out of her stupor and subtly wipe her mouth. When you finally get to your sister’s friends, you put her down and stick out your hand. “Hey, y’all! I’m Y/N Finkle, Kimberly’s younger sister. I’ve sure heard a lot about you.” Bela’s eyes seem to bug out of her head even further if possible as she exclaims, “Younger?!” 

You let out a laugh that makes Leighton’s heart eyes grow somehow bigger, and you reply, “Yes, ma’am. One year, to be exact. Most people can’t tell, given the height difference.” The girls nod, noting the foot difference. All of you stand there, looking at each other for a second longer before Whitney claps her hands and says, “Okay! How about we go to the room and get to know each other better?” All of you agree, and you follow behind the girls, not being able to help the way that your eyes keep drifting towards a certain blonde.

---

After that day, the girls took a strong liking to you, especially Leighton. You quickly noticed the attention she would give you when you hang out in a group, and soon you began inviting her to hang out with you one-on-one. 

You would never assume someone’s sexuality, so you never made a move on Leighton no matter how much you wanted to. On the other side of things, Leighton was becoming increasingly frustrated with you, and how you never could get the hint that she just wanted to make out with you already. 

One day, you took her to a movie theater. Every time you took a handful of popcorn, your hands seemed to brush together. Finally, Leighton couldn’t take anymore of your prolonged stares at the side of her head. She muttered, “Fuck it,” underneath her breath, and as you started to ask, “Wha-” She straddled your lap and smashed your lips together. 

Let’s just say that you have no clue what happened in the movie, nor did you really care all that much. 

Since then, all of your hang outs with Leighton had been classified as dates. It wasn’t long before you asked her to be your girlfriend, and she said yes. Your relationship was perfect. Except for one little thing. Leighton didn’t want to tell Kimberly about it, feeling like she would think that this was revenge for Kimberly sneaking around with her brother. 

The other girls knew, as they had walked in on the two of you making out more times than any of you could count, but Kimberly, being the clueless person she is, somehow kept missing the signs. You couldn’t help but want to tell her, as the two of you were close and usually told each other everything, but Leighton insisted, and you couldn’t deny her.

Sneaking around began to get more difficult, as Kimberly had a habit of not knocking and an impossible talent of barging in at the absolute worst time. Now, she definitely wasn’t stupid, but her denial ability was top-notch. It wasn’t until she caught you and Leighton with your pants down, literally, that she finally realized what was going on. 

Kimberly opened the door to Leighton’s room, asking, “Hey, Leighton, have you seen my- OH MY GOD!” She quickly covers her eyes, trying to erase the sight in front of her from her memory. There you are, her younger sister, knuckle deep in her roommate and friend. 

You scramble off of Leighton, quickly covering her up, as she was fully naked and you still had your boxers and sports bra on. Kimberly quickly walks out of the room as best she can with her eyes still closed, bumping into the doorframe on her way out. You let out a sigh before turning to your girlfriend and murmuring, “I’ll talk to her.” Leighton nods, and you pull on your shorts and go into the living room.

You sit down next to your sister, who quickly turns to you and accusingly exclaims, “You’re sleeping with Leighton? Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we told each other everything!” You put your hands on her shoulders, trying to get her to calm down. “Kimberly, breathe. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but Leighton didn’t want to just yet. Also, I’m not just sleeping with her, we’re dating.” 

Kimberly can’t think of anything to say as she stares at you. She finally points a finger in your face and as threateningly as she can says, “Don’t you dare hurt her. She’s already been through a lot.” You nod and laugh at Kimberly’s attempt to scare you, and you wrap your arms around her shoulders.

“Wouldn’t even dream of hurting her, sis. I’m glad that she has someone like you in her corner. You’re good for her.” Kimberly smiles at you. You both hear Leighton clear her throat from the door of her room before she mumbles, “Yeah, I don’t know about that. She keeps stopping me from getting some.” Kimberly’s face flushes red again as she remembers what she had interrupted, and she begins to profusely apologize. 

You laugh before calming your sister down, and she goes back into her room mumbling something about never being able to look at you the same. Leighton comes over to the couch and sits down on your lap. You look at her before asking, “Doesn’t that feel better? Like a weight has been lifted off of you?” She shrugs, but then nods. You smile at her before she mumbles, “Now, where were we?” Let’s just say that that was not the only time that Kimberly got traumatized by the two of you.  

---

Join my taglist!

[rowretro]

𝕾𝖙𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝕸𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗

✧taglist✧: @nxzz-skz   @nshmrarki @wntersm @eabananayoi

(anyone else? I think I may have missed a few names or tagged them on a dif post by accident)

WARNINGS: BLOOD, MENTIONS OF DEAD BODIES, nothing else I know of

✧CHAPTER 5✧

It was nothing new in the boys’ house. Waking up, doing a normal morning routine, then coming downstairs to find a whole blood bath in the living room.

 The girl stared, stunned as she watched Heeseung be so casual, laughing and joking with Jungwon as he poked one of the dead bodies with a stick “Painted our white sofa red. Broke whore couldn’t even be grateful enough to clean up after himself.”

 He scoffed, as he clicked his fingers at the guards “I want this room cleaned and the furniture replaced while we’re at school.” Heeseung ordered, smirking as he saw Babe step in, flinching at the sight of the gory scene. 

She silently grabbed her bag, and opened the front door, only for it to get slammed shut forcefully. “Where are you off to without us?! We’re going to the same school.” Heeseung simply said, his arm trapping her between the door and his body. 

“I-I need to get my uniform from home… I’ll meet you at school though-” she faked a smile as Heeseung scoffed “Fine… get in the car I’ll drop you off.” Heeseung coldly stated as the girl gasped. 

There was no way she’s letting them know where she lives. She can’t let them know where she lives, her home is her only safe place.

 “No need, seriously- it’s walking distance-” the girl added as Heeseung frowned at her attitude. “I’m being nice aren’t I? I’m literally offering you a ride babe, are you sure you want to miss out on it?!” He asked, his stare intense as the girl opened the front door “trust me, I’m fine… see you in school-” she said before leaving the building, and running all the way home.

. . .

Upon arriving at her place, she locked the doors and double checked that no one followed her. She peacefully took a quick shower, changed into her uniform and hopped onto her motorbike after rushing her makeup, speeding to the highest, and safest limit she could as she was practically already late. 

10 minutes after the lesson had started, Babe came rushing in, helmet still on her head, the girl out of breath “Sorry I’m late” she apologized through heavy breaths as the teacher blinked. “You forgot to take your helmet off,” the man pointed out, as the girl sighed, taking it off as she went to her seat beside Ning Ning.

 The girl was an extremely enthusiastic, outgoing extrovert, befriending practically everyone. However her energy can be a little too much for Babe to handle. In the nicest way possible, Ning Ning is annoying. “Ooh you even have gems and rhinestones on your helmet? That’s so cool!” she exclaimed quietly, not wanting to trigger the teacher.

 Babe sighed and faked a smile, before continuing to take notes. Ning Ning, however, was distracted, her head on the table, as she took a nap. That was the only time she’s ever been quiet, but the babe mentally admitted, she kind of missed her noisiness.

It was finally break time, the boys out of sight. It was weird. Ever since she arrived at school she didn’t see them anywhere, not even in the first 2 lessons.

 The girl shrugged, sitting with Eunchae where Ning Ning was enthusiastically telling the girls her latest gossip in school “Did you hear? Apparently they’re cleaning it up now! The boys got into a fight earlier, like right before school… there was so much blood everywhere I wouldn’t even be surprised if someone died!” Ning Ning exaggerated.

 “OOH and the person they beat up was a guy that was interested in Babe~” Ning Ning sang as her sentence was followed by the girls’ oohing her. Babe’s eyes widened when she saw the boy’s walk in. 

Just as Ning Ning was about to say something else so daring, Babe stuffed a bunch of popcorn in Ning Ning’s mouth, catching her off guard “YOU SEEM HUNGRY HERE TRY THIS- ITS BIBBLE FROM THE UK-” she exclaimed, muffling Ning Ning’s sentences.

 Jungwon glanced at them, weirded out by her behaviour, while Jay rolled his eyes, approaching them. “Babe Lee. did you forget where you sit or is this some kind of cry for attention?!” Jay asked coldly as he walked off, the girl hastily grabbing her things, running after him.

. . .

Babe was silent, watching as the boys played basket ball outside in the cold. No teachers or students were here as it was pretty late after school. Riki was still staying at home, resting as his fever was fairly high.

Sunghoon was simply smoking some cannabis, giggling with Jake about some random shit. Heeseung flawlessly shooting hoops, teasing Jay, as Jungwon also joined in by teasing the both of them, bouncing the ball out of their hands and running.

They looked so sweet and harmless that verry moment. Babe, looked in her small bedazzled Mirror she keeps in her pocket, frowning as she saw that her lipstick faded, her lips now deprived of the pretty nude-ish pink shade. 

She slowly applied the lipstick, making sure she doesn't apply too much. whenever she got some colour anywhere that's not on her lips, she softly wiped it away with her finger.

The girl applied some more lipstick on her lower lip, flinching as the basket ball hit the space beside her. "Go get the ball Jay-" Heeseung frowned as the male rolled his eyes. Babe frowned as she saw the stride of product on her face.

Just as she was about to wipe it away with her sleeve, the soft hands of Sunoo meet her cheeks, he smiled as he wiped it off properly with some makeup wipes. "Let me do your lips- it's so satisfying" he simply asked.

Quite taken aback by his sudden softness, Babe smiled and handed him her lipstick, lip gloss and lipliner. He was so focused, using his thumb occasionally to blend out the makeup.

he frowned looking through her collection of lip liners, noticing they were all pretty dark. Sunghoon who was witnessing the cute scene simply pointed at one for him, as the male took it and started reapplying the liner on her lips, blending it in so it won't look ridiculous.

He pecked her lips quickly, not ruining his artwork, before applying the lip gloss over it. "I've never actually done anyone's makeup before- you should start letting me do yours more often, your lips look prettier, even though they already were pretty-" He simply said as the girl thanked him.

Wasn't it just this morning that these boys who are seemingly sweet, innocent and carefree, were brutally murdering some bastards and enjoying every scene of it?.... 

✧𝕾𝖙𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝕸𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗✧

[kavehayi]

kisses on space street • NEBULAE

aventurine x gn!reader • fluff (ongoing series)

chapter summary: pretty boy aventurine has completely taken over your college campus and everyone is warning you to stay away! however, (un)lucky for you, he's got his eyes on you.

author's note: finally doing this series😭 ive been meaning to and nothing ever came to mind to get rid of my writer's block but now im delivering the first chapter☝️

August 23rd, 20XX.

first day of college. you had to try and find your way around the huge campus from the library to the food hall to the area where your actual major resided. the place was a little overwhelming and you had a bit of trouble making your way around.

however, someone came up to help you find your way around.

aventurine. the man with beautiful eyes, is talking to you, an average person. "heya, pretty, you look lost, where do ya need to go?" he cooed in that sweet, honey-like voice. you looked a little shocked he was actually talking to you of all people. guess he sensed that since he let out a lighter chuckle, "ya look shocked, you good?" he asked, now you just have to snap out of it.

you spoke up, "yeah yeah, im...uh, fine, just looking for where my professor's classroom is at" you spoke politely. you didn't wanna waste his time, especially because he definitely has better people to talk to. you showed him the classroom number and his face lit up, "hey i have to go there too! i found it earlier, follow me" he stated pretty enthusiastically. you followed him to the classroom and he opened his mouth again.

he does not know how to shut up, huh?

he spoke up, "so, pretty, you livin' on campus?" he asked. you didn't really wanna tell him this but you went ahead and did it anyways. "uhm, yeah, im living in a dorm with a roommate, don't know his name though, didn't bother looking at the sheet." you cant believe you said that. now hes gonna bother you about looking at the sheet. "oo! let me see for you, i know everyone here" he didnt even really ask to see it, he kinda just stole your papers and looked through. judging by how his face lit up.

he was your roommate.

great.

he left you alone after he lead you to class and when lunchtime came, you went to the nearby cafe to speak to your friends. seems they had some warnings for you. "hey loser! over here!" they called you over and you sat down.

"yknow guys, i met the most obnoxious guy ever today" you started off, catching your friends' attention. your friends' names are robin, a music major. brother is sort of all over the place but he's nice. robin is also a travelling musician so there's some weeks where you never see her but she keeps contact. veritas ratio, prefers being called ratio. older than you and robin and is a junior in college. you guys only met because he accidentally threw chalk at your head when you were a junior in high school minding your business in math class.

"cant be as obnoxious as aventurine, i mean, he's literally loud and pretty so he gets away with it" robin stated and you went really quiet.

"so what if i said it was aventurine?" you questioned and robin dropped her sandwich on the table and ratio, sorta didn't show a reaction. kinda just glared. "stay away from him! he locks his eyes on someone and then ruins their life from what i heard!" robin stated with a scared expression and ratio just scoffed. "all you hear is rumors, miss robin. why dont you just get to know the guy for once, hm?" he asked her with a glare her way, robin just picked up her sandwich and ate it with a pout.

"always have a way of bullying the poor girl, huh, ratio?" you asked him, in which he just grunted and sipped his tea. "anyways, aventurine, i seriously cannot escape him, he's my roommate and in my class" you stated, robin just about imploded.

"no way! good luck dealing with him, dont be too interesting around him or else he'll target you" she said with a nervous sounding voice. you guys ended up finishing our lunch and parting ways, you and ratio going back to the campus while robin had some things to do back at her studio.

the entire day passed you by and it'd already been nine at night. you started heading back to your dorm, hoping that aventurine wasnt there. yet of course, nothing you wish for, actually happens.

"pretty! you're back, how was your first day?" he cooed, he had friends over and he didnt even bother considering how you'd feel about that. "it was fine, im going to my room, dont make too much noise" you stated before walking away. aventurine didnt think you'd be this prickly.

whatever, not like it mattered.

why should you care how he feels.

too bad for you though, he's interested in you now.

[pucktoxicity]

i had a whole message ready to go and dropped my phone, so this might end up being shorter. first, as context, i went to a massive hockey school and was with my boyfriend who was on the team throughout our time there and after. still talk with him, but i’ll be honest and say that all the sh*t that comes with having a relationship with someone that’s high profile was just too much.

1. the reading stuff is hilarious. obviously they can read—they just don’t HAVE to read. even in college. was at a party at one of his teammate’s places and opened the fridge to grab something and there were textbooks, still in the plastic, sitting on the top shelf. it was a class i was also taking. when I confronted the guy about it as I held said textbooks in hand laughing (it was near midterms) he said “it doesn’t matter. i’ll pass.” he passed and it definitely wasn’t because he understood a damn thing in that course.

2. cliques exist on teams. ill break that down further. my boyfriend hung with like five of his teammates and a handful of athletes from another big sport at my school. those were who we were around on any given day. on weekends after games, or if there was a stretch with a break from some games, the entire team would go out. your ass better be at those team events or if not you better have a good reason why you’re not there. there was an issue off the ice involving the team and there was definitely a rift afterwards because a few of the guys were not there. it made for a really bad season with a team that should have done well.

3. they’re not tagging pics in real-time. they’ll post stuff a few days later with the tags on the locations so people think they know where they are if they post anything at all. that’s equally true for public and private accounts where tracking can be controlled. im sure most people recognize this, but i’ve never seen it stated outright. i was even asked to hold off on posting things until we were somewhere else even though my accounts are private. if they want you to know where they are, you’ll know where they are.

4. for the love of god do not send them nudes. not unless you want that entire team and possibly more to have them. getting nudes was a game to them.

5. which brings me to—they are ALWAYS involved in some sort of game or challenge with one another. the nudes was one, i can’t give anything more specific because i’d likely dox myself. not really feeling up for that blowback. just—they’re always betting each other over something and keeping tabs/score with something likely unrelated to hockey. sometimes it’s funny and sometimes “ew.” but there’s always something.

6. the sh*t they do off ice is hilarious and often unexpected. one of my best friends is the biggest a-hole on the ice, led the team in penalties, etc. off ice he’s the nicest human you will ever meet. he doesn’t read for fun, but he’s a nerd over a specific genre of movies that you wouldn’t expect. video games are pretty constant. they’re psychotically competitive even with those. watching giant man children rage quit video games is hilarious. oh and some of them have the weirdest habits. can’t really elaborate on that one. if anything i’d send it another time.

7. as someone that had a whole school watching my every move and then a whole city watching my every move, i can tell you it gets old fast—for everyone involved. i had people (guys and girls) show up where i lived. 95% of the sh*t i read online that was supposedly about me, him, me and him, etc was not even close to true. take what you see about any of the players or the people involved with them with a grain of salt.

8. sadly some of the worst guys are the ones in the longest relationships, or had families, etc. that was really horrifying to me. strictly anecdotal to my experience with two teams and their circles, but yeah. it was bad.

9. because the question comes up a lot—where? i met my boyfriend at mandatory study hall freshman year because im also an athlete. we never talk hockey. i talk hockey with my other friends and family, never with him or his teammates. he’s in it all day everyday, it’s his job, just like when im done with work i know i don’t want to talk about it, they’re the same way. if he brings it up, sure, but i’m sure as hell not gonna be the one to do that.

and for those keeping score: tall and natural blonde. many of his teammates over the years dated brunettes but they almost always ended up dying their hair blonde. so I don’t know if it’s blondes initially all the time. if anything i would just add that WAGs are their own beast with all the peer pressure and competitiveness of a team. the going blonde thing might be due to the pressures within that group.

way longer message than i intended but hopefully some valuable insight for those who have asked. as you’ve said, they’re humans like anyone else, their job is just different. oh, and summers were mostly working with skills coaches and rehabbing injuries/getting surgeries that are overdue that weren’t publicized. the public doesn’t know half the sh*t these guys are playing through.

everyone thank this anon for her service because this is absolutely perfect, no notes.

the ones i can most agree with / corroborate from my own experiences: she is 100% correct. do not send these guys nudes (i never have & never will, but know that they get them spread around quickly!!), and the same goes for competing over things. good lord, it’ll be the stupidest shit sometimes too but somehow it becomes a competition 😭 it’s crazy! and the same goes for schoolwork. it’s not just hockey. i have a friend who went to an SEC school with a historic football team (and sorority rush, cough cough), and she said the same thing about football players. they’ll pass. no matter what. doesn’t mean they’ll have a 4.0, but they’ll pass enough. i’m sure it’s the same with big hockey schools up here and the midwest as it is in the south with football. that doesn’t surprise me at all, unfortunately.

also, that last line. the public doesn’t know half the shit these guys are playing through. YUP. the things their bodies go through in not just a season, but in one game, are absolutely insane. and she’s very correct about privately-handled, unannounced offseason surgeries. 🙂‍↕️

i think the most interesting thing for you guys to see is her insight that most brunette WAGs end up going blonde & that whole explanation of the blonde WAG stereotype in every level of hockey.

whoever you are, i adore you, this was an amazing read, and if you ever want to talk privately in dms and stuff, i’d love to! if not, no worries, and thank you for stopping by & talking to me 🥰💋❤️

[fullyinconsequential]

Here’s a 3am Steddie rant I think every Steddie lover (and possibly hater) should hear. I have no goal to convert anyone—just to say that the ship did not actually “come from nothing.” Here’s why:

I don’t understand how there wasn’t Steddie foresight in the writer’s room.

So they play it up in season 3 like Steve just can’t get the girl and when he does she’s not the right girl and yada yada yada—cool beans. I love his character arc with Robin, their friendship, her queerness. I love their entire bathroom interaction.

Specifically: “It’s somebody that I didn’t even talk to in school. Maybe cuz Tommy H. would’ve made fun of me, or I wouldn’t be prom king…. First of all, she’s hilarious. So funny. I feel like this summer I have laughed harder than I have laughed in a really long time. And she’s smart—way smarter than me…. She’s honestly unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

Traits Robin Also Has that Eddie Shares:

Outcast

Band Kid

The Witty Banter

Eddie’s personality is VERY Robin. Not perfectly so, but maddeningly close.

Another point:

This is just the same person in different gender specific fonts, A.K.A. Steve’s “love interest” versus a guy who called him “big boy” completely unprompted and interrupted a tender moment between him and his “love interest” and complimented him for an entire scene while Steve wore his clothes.

So, really, one of them’s Steve’s love interest and the other is Nancy Wheeler /hj.

I write a lot, and as someone who both writes and consumes an abhorrent amount of media, whoever wrote this down, casted and costumed this way, and allowed for the interactions between Steve and Eddie to be as nuanced as they were (EX: the scene in which Eddie steps forward like he has more to say to Steve before he goes off and kills himself) had to have known what was going to happen. There is simply no way of not seeing it.

And if they didn’t want people shipping Steddie at the scale which they do, here’s what went wrong:

First: defaulting to Steve wanting his ex back is just plain shitty writing. It means you don’t know where to go with the character anymore, and since you’re certain he’s done all the growing he can do, he’s just gonna double back to the conflict he was in in the FIRST SEASON.

Are you serious right now, bro?

Steve’s arc as a character has been absolutely heartwarming to watch. If anything, he’d have been better off given the “I need to figure out how to be happy on my own” narrative. Throwing him back at Nancy is a cop out, a big one.

Second: Eddie. Throwing Eddie in the mix was absolutely a WILD decision, because he looks like Nancy, he banters like Robin, and GENDER IS NO LONGER A PLAUSIBLE REASON FOR AN AUDIENCE TO DENY CHEMISTRY, OR EXPLAIN IT AWAY. Not in the year of our lord 2023, no sir. Not unless you’re going to explicitly state in some way to an audience that these characters are DEFINITIVELY STRAIGHT. And with Eddie, they went as far off that course as possible.

The outcast stuff. The D&D stuff. The hatred of the system. The mysteriously living with his uncle and not his parents. THE HANKERCHIEF IN HIS BACK POCKET.

So essentially, this is what they did:

They took a beloved character, flubbed over his character arc because they weren’t sure what to do with it.

Then, they created a SECOND beloved character, made him likable, lovable, even, and relatable. Then they gave him half and half personality and looks of Steve’s last two love interests. Then they gave us scenes of them together where they showed chemistry, genuineness, and playfulness.

Then they EXPECTED that we as an audience had enough heteronormativity left as a society to say—oh, those two guys aren’t flirting with each other even a little bit because they’re two guys and obviously that doesn’t happen.

WHEN IN THE SAME SEASON WE WATCHED WILL AND ROBIN GO GAY PANIC AND DESPAIR LIKE?????

Pick a side pick a side, are your characters fucking gay or is your audience fucking blind?

Point being, I have some friends IRL who don’t really get this. They think Steve and Eddie hardly interacted enough for there to be romance at all, but I think it’s less about how much they interacted and more about the (unintentional) set up they were given by the writers.

Steve’s a truly beloved character and I don’t know on ST fan that wants to see him just end up back with Nancy Wheeler like his entire character arc was just to “get the girl” and “have six kids.” Which he already has by the way.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents. I’m not advocating for anyone to ship them, I’m just saying it’s honestly a perfectly logical conclusion to make, especially if you CARE about Steve as a character, you know? We want him to be with someone genuine, someone who challenges him to be better, to be different than he was. Nancy couldn’t handle doing that. Robin could, but they’re platonic af.

So why wouldn’t it be Eddie?

Rest in peace, by the way. You would’ve loved this text post.

[themainreactor]

"I don't think this was the original plan... Oh well."

In which a suicidal boy gets kidnapped by his scary yandere girl stalker. He could care less and doesn't mind dying, however she cares and it confuses her why he doesn't. So she brings him with her into the League of Villains and for once in his life, he can say that he's genuinely felt... At least okay.

"You need help, y'know that right?"

"I know I just... I don't want help."

"How do you expect to get better then?!"

"Well I'm not really excepting to get better, I wasn't even really expecting to live this long."

"Why are you like this?!"

...

Y/N was kind of... Strange to say the least.

Y/N's not even sure why he can't just be normal, he wants to be but he can't help but feel like life would be better without him being there. Even if he doesn't try to gain attention, he still somehow does.

Whether it be bullying at his school, his parents disappointment in him, his friends leaving him because of how much his mental state is hurting them, or even him bothering the police and ambulances.

So he decided after a while to just stop trying to die because it makes it so much worse when he doesn't succeed and everyone gets frustrated. He got better over time... Well at least it took him about three years to convince everyone of that. At least people felt less worried and went back to their normal lives.

Yet he still seems to attract trouble.

So that's why he's not entirely surprised when he wakes up in an abandoned house one evening after his nap with a crazy looking girl kneeling at his feet. The walls were all graffiti'd, there was no furniture and it was already clear that the girl had some sinister intentions.

"You're awake! Hi there cutie!" The girl yells, happily jumping around before kneeling right back in front of him. He's not entirely sure what's going on and what's even worse is that he's pretty sure he recognized her.

"You're... That girl... You killed that boy in my school" He states, only to get a giggle and a nod as if that didn't matter whatsoever. Already that was the worst impression someone can have about another person.

She was probably going to kill him too and honestly he didn't mind, he just had a nap so at least he would die refreshed.

"Yep! That's me! That was my first love but you're my favorite so far!" She yells, gushing before placed her knife right against his neck.

"Y'know... You'd look even cuter with your blood all over you."

He only raised his eyebrow before activating his quirk, causing her to scream and drop her knife.

His quirk was emotion, he could control, level out or amplify an emotion in a person. He amplified fear in her, so that's why she was now shaking on the floor.

But now he actually felt a bit bad for her.

She was a freak, he could understand that much and he didn't blame her. Everyone called him a freak too. Plus, It was flattering since no one had ever been a freak for him, although it was concerning. What was he doing to gain her attention? Did she know where her parents were at?

He struggled with the zip ties that were tying him only to get one to snap and let go of his wrist. He sighs, turning off his quirk and watching as she cried and choked on her own spit. But she seemed more calm even though she was still feeling the lingering fear from before.

"So what do you plan do to me?"

"No! Not anything bad! I just... I wanted some of your blood..."

"Why? Don't you have your own?" Y/N chuckled.

"...Yeah... But I want to be like you! I... I want to become like you because I love you!"

"... You don't even know me-"

"Yes I do though! Your name is Y/N, M/N, L/N! I know that you're really strong and that everyone at your school is scared of you! They think you'll take advantage of them with your quirk but I know you wouldn't do that! I also know that you used to date a girl And she left you for your best friend!"

"... And you know this all... Because?"

"Because I followed you and I like watching you at school and at home! Y'know if you want I can kill the girl and that fake friend of yours! Would you like me to do that?! It doesn't matter anyway!"

He just looks at her again, worried about what she meant. She loved him, so she was going to kill him... That made no damn sense.

"Just like the boy... Y'know we were confused, no one at school thought you'd do something like that. You were always that sweet and happy girl... Why'd you kill him?"

"I hated pretending that I was normal! But that's all anyone saw me for anyway! For example, is my home! Or it used to be my home." She mumbles and Y/N looks around the graffiti'd walls, it looks like it was once a girl's room.

He almost forgot what her house even looked like.

"I... I was born a monster, someone who couldn't live without hurting the people she loved... So... I want to become a really strong girl, someone who can make my own path and become those I love!"

"... That's why you want my blood?"

"Yep! I want your blood! You're so pretty and interesting at the same time! I want to be just like you! I love you!"

"How do you know you love me?"

"I just know I love you! You make my heart beat really fast and I want to kill anyone that hurts you!"

He remembered him and his mother bidding her family goodbye after they moved. He could recall how they came to comfort them even though most people hated them. People blamed them for not raising their daughter right but they probably tried to. He never saw them in a bad light, he always felt like they had tried.

He doesn't say anything as she tried to explain herself more, he just watched her. He knew that in this position she could still try to kill him. Now that he thinks about it though, he didn't really want to live. No one would be worried about him killing himself if someone else killed him.

He didn't have to pretend to want to live anymore... Just like she didn't have to pretend to be normal. So finally he gives in, silently handing her his wrist. She looks at it, confused before a hopeful smile came on her face.

"You... You want me to have your blood?!"

"Instead of stalking me, you should have just asked, you would have gotten it faster."

"... Really?"

"Yep."

The girl just looks at him, she's not sure what to say. With all the people she's killed and loved, never had any of them offered her something like that.

Why was there no hesitation in his voice?

He was definitely extra special, she couldn't possibly kill him now.

"... But why?"

"You'll be doing me a favor... I don't really want to live believe it or not, although I assumed you already knew that."

She did know that he dozed off a lot and that he seemed bored and sad sometimes but she doesn't like how unusually calm he was, it was unnerving how he didn't seem to care about the dire situation he was in. She wanted to kill him and he wasn't even trying to escape her.

So quickly she grabs onto his wrist, using the knife to only make a small cut. She didn't even try to drink the blood or save it, she just wanted to see if he would actually let her or if he'd even care. He didn't flinch and it made it worse so she groaned and started to cut the zip ties off of his other hand and his ankles.

"You good?"

"No... I don't want to kill you anymore."

"Damn, am I that boring?" He playfully asks, hoping to actually get her to reconsider what she said.

"You really want me to kill you?!" She yells

"Yeah, why not? In fact, please do, I wouldn't hold it against you, really." He shrugs before she almost growls at him. She had some canines that were definitely sharp, like a dog or even a vampire.

"No! I... I can fix you."

"... The hell does that mean?" He looks at her, suddenly worried that she was one of those fantasy medieval romance novel girls.

Those types of girls and women scared him because they could care less. If you even remotely resembled their book boyfriends, they would try to marry you.

"Do you know that hero killer Mr. Stainy that was on the news recently?!"

"Um... I don't think that's his name but sure, yeah the hero killer."

"I also want to be just like him! I want to be able to live in a world where I can be free."

"... Hate to break it to you, I don't think you can do that when you're killing people." He chuckled, gaining a cute giggle from the girl.

"I know that, silly! So, that's why, I'm going to join his group."

"His group? What group?"

"The League of Villains."

"... Aren't they their own group?"

"I don't know but I want to be like stainy! But I want to be like you too so why don't you come with me? I know you're bored with your life so help me with mine!" She happily jumps.

"... So... You're not going to kill me?"

"Nope! We should take you back home!"

What? What was wrong with this girl? Was she bipolar or what?

"... Okay... You still want my blood?"

"Yeah!" She smiled.

And with that she grabs his wrist before actually biting it and sucking the blood out of it.

"Ow... Y'know you still have time to kill me, how do you know I won't call the police and tell them that you're here?"

"Because you're too sweet for that!" She replies after letting her mouth pop off of his wrist. She was probably right though, he wasn't going to call anyone on her.

"Now, why don't we get some sugar cookies and you can go home? I know those are your favorite and I'll definitely get you when I find a way to continue my life plan!"

"... Alright..."

"I love you so much!"

Y/N doesn't respond, but he carefully eyes the harsh bite mark that was now on his wrist.

This was probably a bad idea. After all, how was he going to explain this to his mom?

Honestly, he didn't mind.

...

"Are you sure you're okay with being left at home?" His mother asks, placing her luggage in the van as her husband gets the car started.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Was all he said smiling at his mom as she came over to hug him.

"If you start to feel scared or depressed please call me before you do anything."

"Mom, I think I'm fine, it's been like three years since I last tried anything like that."

"I know but still, that shouldn't even be a last resort okay?"

"Alright mom, now stop worrying about me and enjoy your honeymoon!"

The mom gives him a quick hug again before entering the car. The husband just waved at the boy since they still weren't on the best of terms, but it was good enough that they were cordial with one another.

The boy waves the car away as they drive off, and as soon as the car is out of view, he walks right back into the house.

He yawns, happy that he had the house to himself. Until he didn't of course.

"HI!"

"JEEZ! WHAT THE HELL?!" Y/N jumps, dropping the bagel he grabbed from the counter onto the floor before groaning. It was the girl, Himiko Toga. It had been about a month since she had kidnapped him before taking him back home and she literally found every spare minute to invade his privacy when his mom and step dad weren't around.

"... Oh... Hello."

"How are you doing handsome?!" Toga yells, quickly hugging Y/N from behind before jumping onto the counter to sit down in front of him.

"Just fine... How'd you even get in the house?"

"I broke through your window."

"... Did you break the window?"

"No silly, I just popped the screen open and then unlocked the latch before popping the screen closed once I got in!"

Y/N groans a bit, scratching his hair before handing her a new bagel and picking up the one he dropped on the floor. He could just eat it off the floor, it's not like the floor was dirty since he helped his mom clean the entire house yesterday.

Was he still going to eat it? No, he wanted to die but he didn't want to contract a disease while he was at it.

"Guess what!?"

"What?"

"I found someone who'll help me get into the league of villains! You should come with me tonight! Oh! I also drew a picture of you and me!" Toga excitedly yells before jumping off of the countertop and rushing upstairs.

"Um... Alright." Y/N mumbled before yawning and grabbing another bagel to eat. It was only about a few seconds that she came rushing back down with her small but cute cat backpack unfortunately covered in small amounts of someone's blood.

"Here, look!"

Y/N looked at it for two good seconds as he tried to comprehend what the hell he was seeing. As surprisingly good as her drawings were, why did it have to be him like that?

He had to refrain from pushing the sketch book out of his face. First off, what type of memory did this bitch have that she could draw him from scratch. Secondly, this was the most non safe for work thing that he's ever seen, he's not used to this shit because he's only watched porn once and it was by accident.

"It's..." Y/N looked at the giddy girl, mentally applauding her courage in showing him this with a straight face, as if it wasn't basically fan art sex.

"It's nice."

"You really think so?!"

"Yeah."

Toga starts kicking her feet, content that Y/N liked the picture she drew. So she just watched him for most of the day and she doesn't even know why he keeps her around. After all, she could try to kill him when he wasn't looking... Oh wait, he wanted to die.

Toga sighs before looking up at the ceiling in boredom. She was excited to bring Y/N with her to the league but she was a bit worried that they wouldn't take him nor would he technically be a villain anyway. Would he be willing to kill someone if they made him?

"So, before we go to see if you can get into the league, we should go to the store and buy you a really cool villain outfit, something that's cute but also screams badass-"

Y/N chuckled at her as she kept rambling about clothing items. Honestly he didn't care, as long as at some point he died. Maybe that was a bit too far to think but he really was tired, he barely had the energy to get up in the morning and brush his teeth and that was every single morning.

"Alright."

"So what style of clothes do you like?"

"Um... Surprise me, I don't really mind."

"You seem indecisive."

"Well I am."

"About the whole league of villains thing?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you want to be a villain?"

"No... No, not really." He shook his head, being fully serious about it. However it wasn't like he wouldn't try it. I mean, he literally had nothing to lose besides him mom and his life, and his mom was very capable of protecting herself.

"... Well do you want to be with me?!"

"... I mean... No... You're kinda crazy."

Toga just huffed, crossing her hands in front of herself whilst pouting. Y/N walked off into the living room, noting that Toga grabbed a knife and tried to stab his shoulder before he activated his quirk.

Why was she like this? She must have actually been bipolar or something.

"I don't know why you keep wanting to stab me at the most inconvenient times." He mumbled, barely paying attention to her once again distraught figure on the floor before he just sighed and turned off his quirk.

"Hey, you're okay." Was all he said, gently patting her head before looking at the time.

This made him think of why he couldn't have just left his quirk out of a situation like this? He could have died that way, he could have been killed and missed that opportunity because of his reflexes.

Whatever, he'd die eventually.

Toga didn't say anything as she stood up, just slowly hugged Y/N again since she didn't really care about whether or not he used his quirk on her. Y/N hugged her back before letting go just to let her know that he wasn't mad at her. Sure the quirk was annoying but she knew all too well that he was too sweet to truly harm anyone.

"So... Will you come with me tonight?"

"... Sure, why not?"

"Thank you! Thank you so much Y/N-kun! I love you, I love you!"

"... Okay..."

...

"What do you mean I need a body count?" Y/N questioned the supposed villian broker named Giran, grimacing at the man in front of him. There was no way this man was actually going to let him in The League of Villains at all if he hadn't killed people yet?

Sounds biased.

"Well I guess we can forget that for now but have you killed anybody at all? What's your quirk? Abilities? You got any props to show us? Anything at all that could determine that you'll be a good addition to the league?"

He couldn't even answer the question at first, almost all of his attention was being taken by the barbequed man standing on the side. Why did he genuinely seem like he was tweaking out? He was probably not a normal human to begin with, he must have been born into this villain trade. This had to be some bloodline Taugarian stuff.

"After all, I have good business with the league and I wouldn't want to ruin it."

"... Why didn't you tell me? I would have prepared a bit better." He grumbled, glaring at Toga when he turned her direction.

"Well the union already said I was a good pick! Sorry, I didn't think about it even when I said that I'd bring you!"

Y/N just sighed when Toga hugged onto his arm, quietly eyeing the burnt guy that kinda had some sass with his stance. Clearly he was impatient and didn't want to wait for this.

"Well... I haven't actually killed anyone yet, except for my dad. I hit him with a bat when I was younger and he died of blood loss, but I don't think that really counts since it was an accident." He starts, already cringing at how strange his own voice sounded.

This was annoying and embarrassing.

"My quirk is emotion, I can control people's emotions basically... But I don't really have a prop to show-"

"Oh! Me! Me! You can use me! You wanna use me?!" Toga yells really quick, jumping in front of him all excited like.

"The hell?" The burnt guy asks, almost wanting to gag. He didn't really like this crazy lovesick girl and it would be really annoying if he had to be in a villain group with her. He didn't know much about the boy, except that he was most definitely a rookie who probably just wanted attention.

He'd just burn them later if they annoyed him too much.

"Um... How bout no?" Y/N starts, gently grabbing her by the shoulders and moving her to the side of him instead of in front.

"We gotta go soon so when you're done talking with the crazy one and attention hogging dude, can you let me know? I'm already tired of this." The burnt guy scoffs when he gets a finger pointed his way by the guy, so he just decided that he was ready to leave until he was stopped.

He may or may not have had a sudden heart attack by the alleyway door but for some reason he couldn't move and he didn't like it one damn bit.

Why did he suddenly feel like he was absolutely worthless? He felt useless in so many ways and it was one of the most painful things in the world. All his trauma just threw up at him all at once.

"That's rude y'know? You should respect the guy when you're the one taking up his time." Y/N scolded, moving his index finger up in the air which caused the guy to just start crying.

He just cried, it actually made Y/N kind of nervous since it seemed like more than just his quirk. It sounded so broken, he would rather hear someone scream than sob the way this guy was weeping.

"That is so cool Y/N! What emotion are you using now?!" Toga asks.

"Sadness." He replies, his eyes still on the grown man. He only just now noticed that him crying had actually opened up the burn wounds around his mouth and eyes.

"Basically I overwhelm the brain with the chemical that causes a particular emotion before forcing it onto the body." Y/N explains to the guy, turning off his quirk so that the burnt guy can breathe.

"... That's... Scary actually and it's perfect, Even though the union didn't pick you, you'd be a great helper for what the league of villains needs. The dude you just messed is named Dabi, You're in."

"Oh My Gosh Y/N-kun! Do you know what this means?! You and I are going to be hero killers! Just like Mr. Stainy! Oh man! I love you so much!"

"... Cool... Thanks... Hey um, Dabi right? Sorry about that-"

"Shut the hell up." Dabi growls, standing up and holding one of the burn marks closed right under his eye. He didn't even bother wiping the tears away because it wasn't gonna do him any good. He was already embarrassed, and this dumb ass kid scared him.

If he could dominate and control an emotion that quick and that effective with almost no drawback, what the hell would be able to stop him?

"Yeah... I-I kinda deserve that, I'll shut up, that's fair I guess."

...

"Shigaraki! Your league of villains has been the talk of the town this last several days." Giran comments as he opens the door to an abandoned bar. This seemed like a really terribly way to start a conversation if you ask Y/N.

"Word on the street says you're about to start something big-"

"And? Who did you bring?"

Rude. All Giran does about it is chuckle before waving the three of them inside. Toga almost squeals, hugging onto Y/N's arm before letting go and walking in. This was most likely a bad idea.

As soon as Y/N enters he knows this is an annoyingly bad idea. This dude with the hand for a mask was the leader of this whole thing? He looked like a skeleton, when was the last time this man ate?

"So it's really you huh? I've seen you in pictures but i gotta say, you're way grosser in person." Dabi starts, tilting his head to the side.

"Wow it's the weird hand guy! You're friends with my hero stain right? Cool, let us join the league, we wanna be in your group!" Toga yells, blushing as she once again grabs a hold of Y/N's arm

"... Kurogiri, get rid of these three, I can already tell their exactly the kind of trash I hate. A girly brat, some weak mute boy and a guy with no manners." The man named Shigaraki, pointing his finger at them.

"I'm not mute." Y/N chuckles, almost using his quirk on the man just because of his bluntness. It was pissing him off more than he'd like to admit.

"Now, now Tomura Shigaraki, They came all this way. The least we could do is here them out, give them a chance. Besides, this broker is respected in the underworld, they're bound to be valuable assets." The weird purple smoke guy called Kurogiri states.

He kinda reminded Y/N of that fire bartender in the Undertale game.

"Like em or not, you still owe me a finders fee in cash. I suppose I could introduce the three of them before I go." Giran mentioned.

"This one looks like an adorable high school girl right? But she's actually the suspect in a series of deaths where the victims all bled out. So far her name and face have been kept out of the media."

Danm, Y/N almost forgot just how dangerous she was and what she was guilty of.

"Toga, Himiko Toga! Life is too hard and I just want to make it easier to live in this dumb world. I want to be Mr. Stainy! I wanna kill Mr. Stainy! Oh c'mon Mr. Handy man please let me join your league of villains!" She greets herself, letting everyone in the room know just how crazy she was.

"You gotta be kidding me, is she crazy?"

"Well she can hold a conversation, for the most part at least. C'mon, she can be useful."

"Yeah, in fact I was gonna be her next victim before she asked me to come here." Y/N answers, looking at Shigaraki with a very serious expression.

"... What?" Shigiraki looked at the boy and he almost took his hand mask off in surprise. He honestly would have expected that the kid wanted to be here with how calm and blunt he was.

"It's a long story... Well not really but it's not relevant to the topic right now."

"And this guy," Giran adds, pointing his cigarette towards Dabi. " hasn't committed any flashy crimes but he's taken stains ideology to heart."

"I don't like this, is your group really dedicated to the hero killers mission? I can't imagine you are if you're going to let this little psycho join." Dabi grunts when he refers to Toga.

"Grow up, at least she can introduce herself." Y/N grumbles, already realizing that him and this Dabi were probably not gonna get along all that well.

"Yeah, I actually agree with him. She may be a psycho but she can actually talk to people." Shigiraki comments, waving his hand in the general direction of Y/N and Toga. "Don't just stare, what's your name?"

"Right now I'm going by Dabi."

"No I want to know your real name."

"I'll tell you when you need to know it, in any case, my new purpose is to carry out the hero killers will."

"That wasn't what I asked you, patchwork. Jeez why's everyone so hung up over Stain."

"Okay I'm not that smart, " Y/N starts, hoping to understand something about all of this. "but why the hell do we need to carry out the hero killers wish when he's not dead? Isn't he just in prison? We should have our own wish if it's our group right? Not live off the back of someone else's wish, or am I missing something here-"

"Shut up." Shigiraki growls as he stands up.

"It's all I ever hear about, every, damn, day. It's really pissing me off!"

"No, don't do it!" Kurogiri yells.

The hell was he doing?

"WE'LL KEEP THE BOY, THE TWO OF YOU ARE DONE!" Shigaraki yells, throwing his hands in their direction. Dabi does the same in Shigaraki's direction.

Y/N pulls Toga back before she can do anything or get hurt, but not before grabbing her knife to possibly stab the dude's hand. Y/N hasn't killed anyone but that doesn't mean that he doesn't know how to fight.

Before anybody's attacks land anywhere, Y/N watches as purple smoke engulfs their hands before they are placed somewhere else in the room. It was like a portal of sorts.

"Please calm yourself Tomura Shigaraki."

Why does this dude keep stating his first and last name like it was some title?

"If your desire is to be realized then we must increase our numbers,"

Y/N sighs, not paying anymore attention to the conversation before taking out his hand along with the knife. He hands the knife to Toga who felt it was right to suddenly Koala hold his back.

"I'm outta here."

Y/N moves himself out of the way of the pissed off leader of the league of villains. He's not sure how he feels about him, maybe it's not all that bad but he didn't really like how that ended.

"Where are you off too?"

"Shut up."

"I try to make it a point not to complain about my clients but he's too young and far too immature." Giran sighs.

"Really thought he was gonna kill us from a sec!" Toga gushes before jumping off of Y/N's back.

"Yeah, he looks like he needs to be in a psych ward like you Toga." Y/N added on, ignoring the surprisingly weak punch Toga gave to his shoulder.

"That guy makes me want to vomit."

"I've only known you for like thirty minutes and I think I can tell that everything makes you wanna throw up."

"What'd you say?"

"I said-" Y/N starts, ready to repeat himself again.

"Shut up! No one asked you anyway!"

"Okay patchwork."

"What?!"

"I said okay patchwork, I'mma keep calling you that too."

"I hope you drown!"

"I was hoping for that a long time ago dude."

...

"I can't believe we're actually in the league! Oh my gosh this is gonna be so cool! I can't wait! And it'll be even better with you Y/N-kun!" Toga yells, blushing to herself as the both of them sat on top of a building.

"How high do you think I'd have to jump to crack my skull?"

"... What?"

Y/N turns to Toga only to be graced with a small smile concealing her worried expression.

"... Oh sorry, I wasn't trying to scare you."

"No, you didn't scare me... I just... I think it's about two stores high."

That was the first time anyone had answered him a question like that before, and of course it had to be the crazy blood stealing girl.

"Alright."

"..."

"..."

"Hey... Y/N-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you call me Himiko?"

"... Why?" Y/N inquired, wondering if he was being caught in some strange trap by her again.

"Well because I love you and it's just that I don't want to see you die yet. I want to be there for you like you were there for me before and I want you to love me too."

"Um... I was never there for you though-"

"Yes you were! You were always there, someone that was always consistently in my life!"

"... Is that because you were stalking me?"

"I wouldn't call it stalking, I'd call it a romantic walk that you didn't know you were doing with me!"

"Oh... Alright." Y/N sighed slightly, letting you ye girl hug him as he looked down at the people below. Everyone was just walking around, trying to get the last of what they needed so that they didn't have to stay out too late.

None of these people would be prepared for something like the league of villains... So why was he partaking in this? He was one of these citizens, one of these people.

"Do you love me Y/N-kun?"

Y/N briefly turned to look at Toga once again, her sick and flustered smile looking right back at him.

"... No... I don't love you Himiko."

Toga nodded her head, accepting the answer for what it was before looking up at the sky. The stars were very pretty when there weren't many lights.

Y/N though for a bit more about this whole thing, not sure why he was agreeing to this. Sure he didn't value his life all that much but he had family, he had people that cared about him, and he had people he cared about.

But there was something about this that made him feel excited and energetic about it all. He can't remember the last time he felt so much thrill being near a person that could kill him.

It was always him that was trying to kill himself, not someone trying to kill him. No one had ever tried to kill him before.

It was exhilarating.

Heck, the guy wasn't even really trying to kill him, he was trying to kill Dabi and Toga and yet he had pulled her out of the way to protect her. It seemed like he'd really enjoy being a villain but at the same time, he could be a pretty good hero.

He must have been a villain or a hero in his past life because even with that sudden stress he felt so calm, like nothing had even occurred and he wasn't bored like he had nothing to do either.

If this villain thing didn't work, he would try to transfer into a hero school like UA or something like that, though that was setting the bar higher, it was something.

He actually didn't feel like killing himself right now.

"Hey.... Himiko?"

She didn't respond and when Y/N looked at her, she was asleep, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I don't love you... But I think I like you, I'd like to be a villain as long as you're there." He mumbled, gently placing his hand on top of her head.

How did he even let an evil and crazy yandere girl swoon him into joining her in a group of other evil people?

He's not sure but at the moment, he doesn't mind. He'll figure out the details later.

Wow, he's actually feeling pretty okay right now.

[maddiethedogstories]

Sarah's Playground - 6

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

As I looked up at my mother's smiling face, my lips rhythmically sucking without my consent, I was suddenly bombarded with a cascade of new memories of how my life was altered under the rules of Lidia's new reality.

I remembered...

Back when I was seventeen, I was so excited to get out of the house. My mother was always overbearing and overprotective. I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I wasn't allowed to go to sleepovers. I wasn't allowed to stay out past 9:00 pm. I wasn't even allowed to stay home by myself for extended periods of time. That's why Lidia became my long-term babysitter.

I had applied to colleges as far away as I could to get out from under my mother's thumb. I didn't want to be stuck at home under her tyrannical rules for longer than I could. Plus, under the new forced regression laws, I was more than a little afraid that my mom would concoct some story to have me demoted to being a perpetual middle schooler if I stuck around too long. Turns out, I should have been more worried.

I remember being ecstatic when I got into my first choice school, the Boston Institute of Technology. The school was prestigious, had the best engineering program in the country, and, best of all, was thousands of miles away from home. I'd be free to live my own life with my own rules.

When I told my mom, I could tell that she was less than pleased, but, like any good parent, did her best to pretend to be happy for me. She told me that despite as much as it was going to hurt to lose her baby, she couldn't help but be proud of how much I'd accomplished.

As my July birthday approached, things seemed to be proceeding as normal. We sent off my acceptance paperwork to BIT. We worked together to find the best dorm room. Mom was even there cheering for me at graduation where I was salutatorian. Everything was going great.

That was, until the weekend after my 18th birthday. Mom and I had a big celebration planned. We were going to get cake and balloons, decorate the house, then have a horror movie marathon, just the two of us. However, at the last minute, Mom had to cancel. There was, apparently, an emergency at work, and she had to fly to another state to deal with the fallout. I was disappointed, but understood. I let her know we'd just reschedule it for the next weekend. So, without a lot of fanfare, I helped Mom pack her travel bag and waved goodbye to her as she took off for the airport.

It was only 30 minutes later that I heard the knock on the door. I opened the door and, to my surprise, Lidia, my nemesis, was standing on the other side. She was carrying her pastel pink 'babysitting' bag, that I knew from experience contained everything she needed to force me to be her perfect little baby, on her shoulder.

"Hey squirt! Ready for a wonderful weekend with your fave babysitter?" She asked with that same dark smile she always had when she got a weekend alone with me.

"What? No! I am 18 years old, I don't need a babysitter. Fuck off!" I said, slamming the door in her face.

Lidia knocked again, but I refused to open the door. After a few minutes, I could hear Lidia on the phone with someone outside. Then, as Lidia's muffled voice went silent, my phone rang. I picked it up to see Mom was calling.

"Sarah Lynn Howard! What is this I hear about you slamming the door in that sweet girl Lidia's face and swearing at her? I thought you were almost an adult!" Mom immediately began tearing into me. I went on the defensive.

"Mom! She said she was here to **babysit** me. I'm 18 and heading to college across the country in a month and a half. I do NOT need a babysitter! I knew she had to be lying when she came over and said that!" I raged into the phone.

"Sweetie, she may not have needed to say it that way, but I am paying her to house sit and spend some time with you while I'm gone. You may be 18, but you're still living under my roof for now. I just don't trust that you'll be safe by yourself," Mom tried to reason with me. "Plus, I know how sad you were we had to cancel our party at the last minute, and I know you don't have a lot of friends. And you always seem to get along with Lidia so well. So I thought..."

"You thought what?" I asked, cutting my mom off, almost incoherently upset that my mom, who was so supportive and proud of me, STILL thought I couldn't be trusted by myself.

"I thought you could have a little party with her. I mean, I know Lidia isn't me, but, I couldn't stand the thought of you spending your birthday weekend alone baby girl," Mom said. She sounded so genuine and loving, so full of shame at bailing on me on my birthday, it cut right through my anger. I suddenly felt horrible.

"I'm sorry, Mom. Being 18, I'm just a little nervous about being, you know, demoted," I said, apologetically. "Hearing Lidia say she was here to babysit me just made me nervous, you know?"

"I understand baby girl. And you don't ever have to worry about demotion, love. I will always be here to protect and take care of you, you know that?" Mom said. I couldn't help but feel relieved at hearing those words.

"I know Momma," I responded, "I love you."

"I love you too baby, now, why don't you go let Lidia in. She is probably baking in the heat out there, and I am paying her to have a fun girl's weekend with you. You better go get the party started!" Mom instructed before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.

I put my phone down, turned towards the door, and steeled my nerves before opening it. Lidia used to torture me as a kid, but I was an adult now. She wouldn't dare baby me like she used to, right?

I opened the door again to see Lidia leaning against the side of the house. At the sound of the door opening up, she stood up, took a step towards me, and cracked a disarming smile.

"Happy Birthday Kiddo! I knew you'd come around! Are you ready for a fabulous girl's weekend with your favorite... neighbor?" Lidia said, clearly stopping herself before saying babysitter again.

I plastered a fake smile on my face.

"Come on in! I'm sorry I was so rude. I am just sensitive about being demoted. It's happened to too many of my friends at school, you know?" I responded, ushering Lidia through the door.

"Oh, you're such a smart girl, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. Plus, what were you always telling me back when you were a kid? You haven't wet the bed since you were thirteen," Lidia offered supportively.

I couldn't help but blush at being reminded of my bedwetting and, relatedly, my 'baby' weekends with Lidia. I closed the door as Lidia walked in.

"But, we're not here to think about you being a kid this weekend, we're supposed to celebrate your adulthood!" The 22-year-old beauty said.

I watched and flinched as she reached into her dreaded pink babysitting bag excitedly, expecting for her to pull out a dreaded giant diaper or pacifier. Instead, she pulled out two bottles of white wine. I could feel my eyes grow huge.

"Let's celebrate!" Lidia cheered.

NEXT CHAPTER