#even just daring to think he doesn't want a partner to cheat on him

[not-poignant]

Hi! For the OC ask meme, I would love to know your answers for 5, 6 and 10 for Nate in Underline the Blue 💙 💙 Thanks :D

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Not very! I mean all Nate wanted was to be back with Christian for most of Underline the Blue so far and all he did to achieve that was...nothing. He's definitely not an escape artist.

But I guess it also depends on your perspective. He was willing to endure abuse and being committed to Hillview and being raped by a complete stranger if it meant that his abuser would love him.

I guess six of one and half a dozen of the other!

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

I would say pretty easily. *gestures to his entire history with Christian.* There's a lot of things he's been convinced into doing or accepting that were things he used to think were monstrous a long time ago.

Honestly if Christian had convinced him that watching a murder and saying nothing about it was a good idea, Nate would definitely accept not saying anything about it. One of the main reasons Nate is so broken in the first place when we first meet him is the depth of the abuse he endured has shattered his self concept, and once you get to that point with a person, things like 'moral compass' are a luxury, and not a right.

The answer might (will) be different later on in the story! But we're not quite there yet. Nate's at the point where he'll beg someone not to violate his moral compass, but will still accept being coerced into it.

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

The one I'm literally writing right now!

Nate started out in Falling Falling Stars with Janusz, and Christian was mentioned there. But I never went that deep into explaining Nate's closed off asshole-ish attitude, beyond indicating that he has emotional abuse trauma and that he finds other people with PTSD triggering because of Christian.

So Underline the Blue is a way of finally putting him and Janusz front and centre, and kind of telling a version of their story, and showing Nate's inner world a bit more (even if he is an omega, we still get to see how badly he was treated by a version of Christian).

Beyond that, I have no real interest in writing Nate and Janusz into other AUs, this I feel will complete their narrative!

~

From the edgy meme AU!

[yuri-is-online]

One Sided Love Triangles: Tokyo Debunker

Link to Twisted Wonderland Post

Because I hate when people have to lose. Though I'd be way more comfortable writing a normal love triangle for tdb than twst... there's a few of these bitches who could stand to be knocked down a peg or two.

Haru vs Peekaboo- betrayal never comes from your enemies does it. Haru wants to be happy you get along with his baby, and he's really grateful for your continued help in the anomalous animal sanctuary, really. He even originally found your interactions with Peekabo really cute! He's got a bunch of videos saved on his phone and everything but he can't help but feel just a wee bit bitter. He really wants to be the one with his head in your lap getting scritches and being told how cute he is. Something he'd never say to your face but whines about at the bar enough for Romeo to record and send to you. "For free?" Yeah for free he's had enough of this shit please come get your man MC.

Kaito vs Luca- this one is cannon to a degree I think... Kaito is deeply insecure about how much more confident Luca is around MC compared to him and how the girls on campus seem to like him more. The fact that he's so painfully oblivious doesn't help, meanwhile Luca is just overjoyed that his two best friends are in such a good relationship. You're genuinely perfect for each other, why all these secrecy and making him promise not to tell the other about the nice things you say? Isn't it natural to gush about your partner???

Towa vs Ren- Towa is such a pouty baby who doesn't fully understand his feelings and Ren is just happy to have a friend who understands the concept of a log in bonus. Neither of you fully realize that Towa is attempting to flirt, or would it be closer to say woo? All you know is one minute the two of you are casually chilling and talking about horror movies or something and then *BAM* Towa's thrown some flowers at Ren and pulled you into his lap. He's happy you wiggle to get comfy with him but very upset that you keep up your conversation with Ren. Stop being a good senpai and pay attention to hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim.

Tohma vs Leo- just hear me out. I don't think Tohma really gets jealous? He seems super secure in himself and his abilities so he doesn't have much of a reason to get whiny and silly over MC, that's your role in the relationship. And he knows, logically that this little video Leo uploaded is bait to test the security on campus but it doesn't stop him from damn near cracking his phone in half when he sees it. That's how Leo wants to play this little game? Well fine, Tohma hopes he's ready to be thoroughly humiliated. No one can flirt with another man's partner quite as well as a bitch with a monocle. Leo is totally unaware any of this for the most part, he just assumes the extra irritation he's picking up on from Tohma is because he keeps spying on him and Alan. The fact he keeps teasing MC doesn't even cross his mind, he's just doing that to irritate you.

... as a side note can you imagine how confused everyone would get if Leo and MC kept picking fights about their upcoming "divorce" when no one even thought they were ever technically together. Except for Ritsu who sits you down to seriously try to talk you in to let him being your divorce attorney and still doesn't fully get that it's a joke by the time you're done. Actually while I'm at it:

Leo vs Ritsu- where that's exactly your dynamic but Leo starts catching some genuine feelings when he tries to crack a joke about you cheating on him with your divorce attorney only to realize that makes him unironically angry. How dare you, after everything you've been through. Wasn't he he enough? You know he can't treat you like he can. And you're just like "what can't treat me wrong?" And then you have a very toxic make out session Sho has to hear both of you scream about later while he seriously considers taking up a drinking problem.

Taiga vs Haru- this game has one character named Haru (ginger, baby) and one named Haku (green, evil?) Which confuses me an unreasonable amount. I already mentioned I wanted a serious Taiga vs Haku love triangle... but Taiga vs Haru would just be silly. You have MC who loves anomalous animals and hanging out in Jabberwock and Taiga who hates emotional intimacy and his feelings for MC just as much as he hates the idea of you being with anyone else. And of all people why Harry? He thought they were friends... or cool at least even if he won't let him eat that chinchilla thing. And now he's got MC playing defense for it too, it's irritating. He already has to fight himself to remember who you are every time he sees you again and go through the annoyance of recognizing he's a bit in love and now he can't even break into the animal sanctuary without tripping over himself and paying attention to you instead. It's annoying and it's all Haru's fault for having everything he wants. (If you ask he'll say that complaint is about Peekaboo but Haru and Romeo know it's not.) Haru is just trying to get some help from a trusted friend he's so stressed out ;-;

Sho vs Jin- Sho and his excuses... he doesn't want to just invite you to hang out and he doesn't want to ask you to come help him with the food truck because you've got so much else to do. You deserve a chance to rest, and he wants to be who you come to do that with. But Jin... he'd make that so much easier if it was him wouldn't he? He's rich and connected, and you're so sweet he's sure you could thaw that frozen heart enough for him to see you as human and not a gopher. Sho knows you, the moment he started paying attention to you he saw you as a person. But he still hurt you... and Jin didn't really do that did he? Jin doesn't like Sho because he's in Vagastrom and he doesn't trust him with your safety. Sho might see a rival and a better option, but what he's really dealing with is MC's disapproving dad who can't stand that their boyfriend has a leather jacket and a motorbike. He bets he's got tattoos and an arrest record too doesn't he MC, Jin is judging you so hard.

[akixxsstuff]

Death Note Yandere L Lawliet x Wife Reader Smut

(The picture above was edited by me).

NSFW content // Angst // Click here part 2

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ Involves themes of kidnapping, stalking, cheating, non-consensual sexual behaviors, breeding, the usage of sex toys and bondage.

L's internal monologue:

Darling, if you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes, however, nothing would be more unjust than not rescuing you from your loveless marriage. Yes, your husband is a courageous and hard-working task force member, but he's also a neglectful piece of shit towards you.

He doesn't even know your sleep schedule or how many cups of coffee you've ordered in the past three months, is he even aware that your birthday is in 70 hours, 16 minutes and 43 seconds? My love, you're just like a beautiful puzzle and every day my cameras and private investigators find more precious pieces.

Nothing is of greater importance than you Y/N, I love you so much. I feel like such a creep but I don't care, I have never cared, everything in life is a game including love, and I have never lost, why? Because I am fucking L.

Present Day, (your birthday):

You slowly open your heavy eyelids to find yourself in a well-furnished bedroom decorated with expensive decor and silk curtains and bedding. Your head was pounding and your limbs were weak, were you drunk? Did your friends bring you here to rest after you fainted during your birthday party?

You immediately panicked when you realised you were restrained to the bed across from a crouched, pale man with dark, piercing eyes. It was your husband's supervisor on the Kira investigation, Ryuzaki.

You were merely acquaintances since you only visited the headquarters to drive your husband home or to bring baked goods for your husband and his co-workers. He was odd and reserved however he always praised your cooking and never failed to impress you with his intelligence. You felt sympathy for him since your husband told you he was basically a lonely workaholic. Your husband even joked that maybe he had a crush on you since he gazed upon you like his cake and cases; with desire and fascination, (lolololololol).

You could only think of one logical explanation for why you were here with him.

"Ryuzaki! Do you suspect that I'm Kira!? Is that why I'm here?!" you cried, "No" L responded flatly. "Then what's happening? Where am I?" you whined, "I would rather you not know of your location, but rest assured you are perfectly safe" L replied calmly. "If this is some sort of joke it isn't funny, untie me now!" you snapped, "Yes, I fully suspected that you would be averse to this my darling". "Darling?! Ryuzaki I'm married! You brought me here didn't you!" you exclaimed, "Yes, since I wish to demonstrate why I'm a more suitable romantic partner for you Y/N". Scowling you said, "Well you've already messed up because kidnappers are not my type! My husband is a good man".

"During the past 6 months, your husband has cancelled 130 dates, has only engaged in sexual activity with you on 4 separate occasions and seemingly has not acknowledged your birthday. You deserve someone who is much more attentive and devoted like myself, surely you understand that I rescued you from a loveless marriage".

You were silent. That creep had been fucking stalking you.

He opened the bedside draw, obtaining a large, pink vibrator, "Perhaps this will help, consider it a birthday gift" L chuckled. He lifted your skirt and ripped into your underwear, "Don't you dare!" you snarled, "I'm going to demonstrate how satisfying sex can really be" L uttered while ogling in between your legs.

You choked as he began clumsily massaging in-between your thighs with the sex toy, experimenting with various speeds and intensities to discover what your cunt enjoyed the most. You clenched your teeth to contain your moans since you didn't want to give this sick pervert any validation, however being as perceptive as he was, you weren't able to fool him.

"Your pupils are dilated, your face is flushed and your vulva is already producing lubrication, all typical signs of arousal" L remarked bluntly. "W-what?" you stammered, "Trying to remain quiet is useless Y/N since I already know that your body is finding this device pleasurable. So please, let me hear those pretty little moans of yours, you were always so quiet during sex with your husband my love".

You struggled against your rope as L swirled the vibrator on the highest intensity level around your sensitive, swollen clit. But it was hopeless, you couldn't escape the waves of incredible pleasure that vibrated throughout your pussy. You were in an intoxicating daze and your body was hot and trembling; you were so touched starved that your body was already begging to cum. "Ryuzaki!" you screamed while you squirted all over the vibrator; feeling shocks of electrifying pleasure overwhelm your cunt while your legs jolted.

You gasped as you suddenly felt L smoothly slid his aching dick inside your quivering and dripping hole. He began rocking his hips back and forth, his eyes fixating on his cock which was now glistening from your sweet cum. Aha! Hah! Oh...hah..you feel so...so amazing" L whined, "Stop..aha...fucking me...you..hah..bastard!" you panted. "Aha..ugh..I won't be m-much longer, so there's no need to worry Y/N". You were praying that nobody would hear the creaking of the bed, L's whining or the squelching of precum.

You already could feel another orgasm stirring within you since his desperate thrusting never allowed your body to relax. His firm shaft gliding against your aching g-spot felt like shocks of thrilling ecstasy filling your loins, it was fucking addicting. "I-I am close t-to" L stuttered as his thrusting became erratic and rapid, "Already?! P-pull out!" you yelped. "Ngh! Aah! Aha!" L grunted as he spurted his thick, creamy cum deep inside your greedy, soaking pussy. "You idiot" you moaned as his lengthy, hard dick continued relentlessly slapping against your womb.

"I want y-you to hah! Climax a-again, now aha" L babbled while rubbing the vibrator against your needy clit. Your eyes locked, those once cold, dead eyes were now filled with passion and vulnerability, his gaze was practically saying, "I need you Y/N, I need your body, please surrender to me, don't hurt me". "I-I going too..ah..aha!" you groaned before another explosion of pleasure shot throughout your body. Your pussy clenched tighter around L's shaft as you cummed, squeezing another load of rich, hot cum from his throbbing erection. L tossed aside the vibrator, tore through your blouse and began sucking your nipples, leaving them slippery and hard. "I love you so much Y/N" L purred, "Kiss me then" you whispered shakily. You were disgusted with yourself but your husband hadn't fucked you with the same amount of lust and love for months.

Your hands broke free and in-tangled with L's dark, fluffy locks while you both sloppily kissed, "I'm s-sorry my love, I-m g-going to...aha again!" L choked. "Use me as your cum slut Ryuzaki" you begged, no longer caring that he wasn't using condoms and that you weren't taking birth control. "Say that again Y/N! And aha! Keep clenching around me like that, ngh!", "Use me Ryuzaki! I'm your cum slut, fill my pussy over and over again, do whatever you want to me". "G-good girl" L hissed while finally draining his balls of milky, sticky semen; fucking his own leaking cum back into your abused cunt to ensure your womb would be filled with every drop.

L slowly slipped out his dick and buttoned his jeans, you slapped his face and hastily untied your ankles. "You know that really hurt" L mumbled while rubbing his cheek. You rushed to the door and shook the locked door knob, "Open this door! Right now or I'll kill you!" you shrieked. "You found just as much pleasure as I did in that experience so why be so averse towards me? I love you so much Y/N, you look so beautiful" L praised. "Of course, you'd think that you pervert! I'm half naked and filled with you fucking cum" you snarled, "I'm a pervert?".

"Yes! And a monster! My husband is a great detective so he will find you and throw you in prison forever!" you snapped, "Only a monster can catch another monster, it's why I'm a far greater detective and why you'll be residing with me for a very long time" L replied monotonously while kissing your forehead. Whining you said, "I hate you", "I love you too" he whispered.

[hoshieeyewrinkles]

Dark wonbin who wants his younger brother's gf or wife. He saw his chance one day and didn't let go of the opportunity

[ Have it all ]

Trigger warning: cheating, loser Sohee, slight degradation, blowjob.

"Thank you, you are always so sweet. My doll." He thanked, his gaze sweeping over every inch of your body. You smiled, attempting to push aside the uncomfortable feeling; he is your boyfriend's older brother, for goodness sake; of course, you are like a child to him, which is why he called you his doll in an endearing way, right?

"Where are you going?" He inquired as he set his plate aside after finishing the pasta you prepared for him. You gave him a quick glance as you noticed how close he leaned to you. "Out with sohee" you replied, you had a date planned with sohee who was currently upstairs playing video games while you were here left alone with his older brother.

Wonbin let out a sigh that dripped with fake concern, finishing it off with a chuckle that sounded more like a smirk. "Seriously, you're like an angel,doll" he drawled, voice smooth as butter. "Always picking up his slack, cooking fancy meals he probably doesn't even appreciate, and cheering him on like his personal hype squad when he gets owned in his games. Makes me kinda, y'know, sad for you, sweets." He clicked his tongue and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear in a way that felt more practiced than sweet.

"Don't you deserve better?" His question hung in the air like a loaded question. You gulped, the truth of his words burning a hole in your stomach. He wasn't wrong. You were more like Sohee's mom than his girlfriend, his therapist instead of his partner and sexual pleasure? It was something you never got from Sohee. It was embarrassing to even try having sex with him because he knew nothing, it was pathetic to say the least but you still love him and Sohee loved you, in his own kinda immature way, and sex isn't the only thing which matters right? You can definitely swallow down your frustrations.

"I'll leave now." You tried to sprint upstairs but he held your wrist ''Always so eager to escape, doll'' he drawled, amusement dancing in his eyes. ''Shying away and flushing whenever I'm near... wouldn't anyone mistake it for something more, hmm?'' you were momentarily shook at his audacity before you snapped back, giving him a venomous look "The only one with such delusions is you." Your words caused him to let out a chuckle as he was about to reply, Sohee came downstairs causing you to yank out your wrist from wonbin's grip.

"Baby, I won!" Sohee bounced on the couch, the screen of his phone flashing victory like a miniature lightning storm. You managed a tight smile, your mind churning with the unsettling encounter moments ago. Should you tell him about Wonbin's strange behaviour? Would he believe you? or shrug it off since sohee idolized his handsome brother the most, he always wanted to be like Wonbin. Talking about how he has everyone wrapped around his fingers, no one could ever deny him. He was all it.

"Oh, are we going somewhere?" Sohee asked noticing you dolled up, tilting his head, his eyes sparkling playfully. Your blank stare momentarily dimmed his enthusiasm, but he quickly countered with a wider smile "I guess we are. let me just grab my wallet baby!" Sohee chirped, already bounding up the stairs. His carefree laughter echoed down, each step lighter than a dandelion seed on a summer breeze

Your attention was brought back to Wonbin who let out a mocking chuckle leaning closer to you ear, "Think about what I said," he'd murmured, his breath warm against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. The glint in his eyes, usually full of pride, had held a chilling possessiveness, a stark contrast to his easygoing facade. It was an audacity born of privilege, of a world where his handsome face had always opened doors, the mere flicker of attention from you, his "loser" brother's chosen one, a personal affront to his inflated ego. How dare you look beyond his carefully crafted charm? He deserves to use you for his pleasure not his pathetic brother who can't even get himself to cum.

The entire date with sohee was silencing from your side, you spent most of the time replaying the scenes between you and Wonbin again and again. His sly touches, his longing gazes always did fluster you but you have never thought about having him. He is your boyfriend's brother after all. This was ridiculous of you to even think. He made you uncomfortable and uneasy, that's it.

When you were back from the date, sohee dropped you first at his home, saying he will be back in few minutes as he has some errands to run. You agreed hoping Wonbin isn't in the home currently but you were wrong when you were met with most weird sight ever, he was there sitting on the couch manspreading, his hands pumping his cock furiously as he let out soft moans. The sight had you gasping which caught his attention.

"Back from your little playdate baby?" He asked between his moans. "What the fuck!" You cursed out ready to run out and expose his behaviour to Sohee but instead of that you stood there watching, your feet refusing to move. Why weren't you running? "Come on doll, we all know my brother doesn't deserve you. I know it all."

"He can't even get you to cum, that sweet little pussy of yours deserves to be pleasured, by someone like me." His words had your eyes widened. How did he even know about your private sex life? Did Sohee tell him? Wonbin chuckled at your shocked expression, his hands still jerking off his cock "I know everything baby, let me give you the pleasure which he can never give you." You were supposed to agree or walk up to him but the way your deepest desires took over you. You found yourself on your knees in front of him, his cock deep in your mouth as he let out the nastiest and toe curling moans ever. Pulling on your hair he murmured, "So good, f-fuck. I'll give you twice as much pleasure baby" you rubbed your thighs together to find some relief which didn't go unnoticed by Wonbin who let out a chuckle at your desperation.

"You look so pretty doll, when you are not using your bitchy mouth to defend that little boyfriend of yours, your delicate hands look so pretty wrapped around my cock. I always knew you were a little slut inside, what will Sohee think? Have him watch us? Teach him one or two things, yeah?" His words caused to whimper on his cock as you felt your cheeks flush in humiliation. Wonbin gave a devilish grin feeling satisfied that he tore your walls down, he knew it, everyone deserves some good fucking and you were no better, After all who could ever deny him? He is the one with everything his brother lacks. He knew you were just pretending to be loyal to his loser brother, pretending to just love him, when he could not even pleasure your little pussy. Speaking of him-

"H-Hyung?"

[nana-mania]

pls can you do a part 2 for the red flags of bllk characters!! it was so good!

࿐*ೃ sure!! i actually plan to do for more characters in part 3 so characters suggestion is highly encouraged! (4 CHARACTERS MAXIMUM)

“HIS RED FLAGS” - PART 2 - what does he do that make him an obvious red flag?

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ headcanon

࿐*ೃ feat : reo mikage, seishiro nagi, oliver aiku, rin itoshi

࿐*ೃ fandom : blue lock

࿐*ೃ extra : gn! reader, angst.

࿐*ೃ trigger warning : cheating, manipulation, profanities, toxic relationship.

REO MIKAGE

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ Reo would be the best, most perfect partner ever if only he believes that not everything can be resolved through his wealth. He loves you, he does but you're never his priority. All he cares about is his football career. He barely has time for you, often spending time with Seishiro to practice soccer together until dusk nearly everyday. When you tell him about your worries, you expect him to take action and finally considers to mend the relationship again. But he never. He just gives you tons of money and tells you to have fun by yourself to cheer you up. When you insist him to spend quality time with you, he harshly rejects you by saying he is busy. Indeed, he is busy. He is busy being Seishiro's servant and prioritizing his happiness more than yours.

“Sorry, Y/n. Not today. I have practice.”

“I told you, I don't have the leisure time to play around. I need to practice soccer!”

“Just take this money and enjoy yourself. Leave me alone and never speak about this matter ever again.”

SEISHIRO NAGI

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ Seishiro...is lazy, in general and in all ways. Relationship is a hassle for him to handle due to his lazy nature. He never make an effort to spice up nor mending his relationship with you. If it happens, it happens. That's his motto, one that he never fail to hold onto. Seishiro basically doesn't even care about you let alone your feelings for him in the slightest bit. He is solely using your vulnerability to his advantage. In all honesty, he only engages in relationship with you because he thinks you would be useful to assist him with his daily needs. You're a gullible person who simply follows all his orders like a servant, only thinking you only do this out of love and casting aside the fact you're being manipulated by your own boyfriend. He asks for breakfast? You make one for him. He tells you to wash all his clothes while he play games? You gladly do so. This goes on for a while until you realize how wrong this is and confronts Seishiro about it. The result, he never give a flying fuck. Instead, Seishiro manipulates you into thinking this is your own fault and makes you feel much worse.

“So...what's your point actually? You're blaming me over your own stupidity?”

“You're really dumb, Y/n. So dumb that it took you this long to notice.”

“Apologize? I never do anything wrong. It isn't like I hit you or anything.”

OLIVER AIKU

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ We all know what this man is capable of; cheating. From the start of the relationship, he has dropped countless obvious hints. During date, you will always find his eyes lingering on other people as he “admires” them with a lustful smirk on his face. When you confront him, Oliver just brushes it off and says you're overreacting. It doesn't matter how many times you scold him, he will repeat his doing. And as time passes, he straightout flirts with anyone that catches his interest right in front of you. Daring to even exchange number while his lips curves into a seductive smirk. He barely has time for you and frequently leaving the house to have fun with his “friends”, which turns out to be his secret lover, one that he has been cheating on you with for a long time.

“Jeez, you're overreacting too much. I'm just being nice to them.”

“What's wrong with getting their number? You know me, I like making new friends!”

“Come on...can you just be open-minded and let me do anything I want? I can date anyone I want besides you. You have no control over my life.”

RIN ITOSHI

╰┈➤: ̗̀➛ You and Rin were like dream lovers, perfect for each other and completed each other's heart. That's it, until the dispute between Rin and his older brother happened that drastically changed him...and his relationship with you. Rin is not as sweet and as caring he used to be, solely focusing on his goal to surpass and beat his older brother in their unhealthy rivalry. He has become more distant and acts colder toward you. There is no spark of joy in the relationship anymore, with Rin drifting apart from you and you hurting from his cold-hearted treatment. You try to be there for him, supporting him in his journey to be the best striker to prove to his older brother but your efforts are often overlooked and left unappreciated by Rin. In fact, he sees you as a nuisance rather than his biggest supporter.

“I don't have time for you. Screw off, (Y/n).”

“You interrupted my practice to tell me to fucking rest? Are you telling me to laze around?”

“From now on, stop visiting me during practice. You are a fucking nuisance.”

࿐*ೃ thanks for reading this headcanon! likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated ♡

[adelarsims]

some Phil info! 💼

is of sicilian descent on his father’s side

wanted to become a lawyer since middle school when he used to watch every single episode of a tv show about court cases, the real work turned out to be not always as exciting and smooth, but he really loves his job

prefers to go through the discomfort of telling the truth rather than make up lies and try to remember them

wakes up at 5am to jog before work and eats very healthy breakfasts

boring and has no sense of humor

hates to be the target of even the most innocent jokes and friendly roasting

explains everything in huge lengths

can be a real wet blanket over any childish fun you want to have, saying that you both are adult people if you want to ride a ferris wheel, telling you to stop because people look at you when you stick out your tongue to catch snowflakes on a street

he really, really needs to loosen up and start taking himself less seriously and having fun

his biggest fear is to be seen in any embarrassing, disgraceful situation

how people see him is way too important to him, he needs to be acknowledged as a person who always gives his 100% in everything

will never ghost a person he wants to break up with, if he thinks you won’t work out, he’ll properly tell you that, over a personal meeting if you’re far enough into dating, he's not afraid to face you and thinks you at least deserve a proper closure

will never cheat in relationship, he just doesn’t understand why would anyone

if you say you’re sick, he’ll be at your door with meds and apples (and an extensive essay on how to get better faster)

very decent in bed, what he lacks in technique and variety, he makes up for in putting a lot of effort and putting partner’s pleasure first

sleeps naked

has a lot of moles on his body

has no idea what’s his astro sign is (but his birthday is october 13th)

a proper gentleman, will hold the door for you, move a chair for you, help you put on your coat

knows how to put his dirty dishes in a dishwasher and his dirty socks in washing machine and take out the trash

doesn't think that there are men's and women's household tasks, if it's his home, he'll take part in keeping it clean

loves how he looks and feels in formal clothes, has an assortment of suits

wears socks garters

normally refrains from public displays of affection, but when he’s drunk, he becomes more physically affectionate, will pull you closer, rest his head on your shoulder if he’s being daring, kiss your palm

his face gets very red when he’s drunk, he also becomes louder, laughs a lot, then he laughs really loudly and immediately gets embarrassed

easily blushes when he’s angry or feels wronged and hurt, tries to keep his cool and not let it get to him, but his ears are red and cheeks are blotched red, he hates when it happens because it feels like he’s a little boy again

but when it didn't get to him personally, he can maintain a very good pokerface

not a gambling person, prefers a small but guaranteed win over a risky bet with a possibility of losing

has an exceptional memory, which is both good and bad, because it really helps in his work but he can also hold a grudge for a long time

he absolutely needs to be credited for his efforts and would be offended if you won't mention his part, but he also doesn't forget to credit others for their efforts and help

if you’re stuck and ask him for help, he attacks the problem like it’s his own

he adapts well and is fast to think up alternatives

working harder is his coping mechanism

(Phil sim was made by @puppycheesecake)

[epickiya722]

I'm new to the JJK fandom, and after one month of interacting with the fandom, I noticed that many view Gojo as a womanizer. I believe it to be false.

Maybe it's because of that one time Gege commented that he doesn't see Gojo being faithful to a woman (that man looks like a twink, so I don't blame you, Akutami). Nonetheless, I do not believe it means that Gojo is a playboy/ fuckboy.Let me tell you: while Gojo got the looks, it does not change the fact that he got no hoes He's a hoe repellent no matter the gender.

He is that type of guy that is really handsome, but the moment he opens his mouth, your perception of him changes so much that you would find Deadpool's left ass cheek more attractive. Hell, even Toji's worm. My dude is annoying as hell. He is rude, tactless, and privileged. Add to that the fact that he might also have mommy and daddy issues  because I'm sure he was not treated like a normal kid (but that is another discussion for another time).

Gojo might also have a lot of trust issues combined to the fact that he tends to isolate himself by not letting himself get too close to others. Like this guy is the strongest sorcerer, and his birth caused a shift in the Jujutsu world. Since his birth, people have been trying to kill him. Even the higher up in Jujutsu, see him as a nuisance and are waiting for the opportunity to do him dirty and you to tell me that he doesn't have trust issues? He has infinity on all the time, to the point that he does that subconsciously, and you want to tell me that he's gonna drop that just to get laid? So that he can get  a cursed technique aimed right at his balls?

And even if he is a playboy in the sense that it's not sexual and it's just emotional cheating. The dude feels like no one can relate to him. No one understands what it's like to be at the top, to be the strongest. So what would be the point?

I like Gojo, but in real life, being in a relationship with this man means you'll probably be his therapist because I know this guy has a lot of issues. At least he got money, so you'll be compensated I guess?

I'm rambling a lot, and it's not structured, but I also do not want to write a whole essay in your ask box.

In conclusion: It must be the cash cause it ain't your personality or whatever Beyoncé said.

What do you think?

When I tell you that "womanizer Gojo" is one of the characterizations I hate that some of the fandom has given him I HATE IT.

This is why we take the time to reread something and better understand it because in what world does a womanizing Gojo fits? Especially, in canon when it would be hard to maintain a romantic relationship given the risks Jujutsu sorcerers take? And with the description you gave are other reasons why Gojo wouldn't have a significant other.

Let's be honest, if there was one person who could handle Gojo it was Geto. This isn't me saying this as a shipper, but just stating a fact.

Like, if he would have a romantic partner, it would have him. Shoko's their friend, yes. But that is the most that she sees herself as. Chapter 220, she states hell would freeze over before she falls for any of those two. She's aware of the flaws they both have, but that doesn't she didn't want to be there for them.

One thing I like about Gojo is that despite the reputation he has as a sorcerer, he got his flaws that make him human. Just me, but I don't see the point of adding more flaws to him if I like him already as he is. Like, come on. Just make an OC, at this point.

I know sometimes canon can suck, but fanon? Is worse sometimes.

It's like how some people will depict Yuji drinking and eating anything because "Oh, he's a total dumbass".

I hate that. Yes, Yuji states he's dumb, but he has displayed he does have intelligence and sometimes even he ain't with the bullshit with others. When he said he'll eat anything, it was more on the lines of "I'll eat a cursed object to save people" not "I'll drink gasoline because I was dared to".

Like, damn, he ain't that careless! He ain't that stupid! (Just giving him the Kaminari treatment, huh?)

Just... I wish more people actually stop and think about what they're reading instead of running with it and going with a depiction that others say is "canon" (it's not) or "better than canon". Especially, with a media that isn't from your native country.

[narrators-journal]

How would the Zoldyck family feel about seeing Future Killua, y'know future Killua is all powerful and all but they also see with KIDS and his wife, but his wife is powerful like POWERFUL POWERFUL, and so are his kids but Killua and his wife don't agree on the kids being assassin's. And the kids don't want to be either. But despite all that, they're like a powerful family that can't be touched. How would the zoldycks react to this? Like headcanons of each Zoldycks reaction😳

This was so goofy for me to write, I hope you enjoy! Sorry if it's not exactly what you wanted, but I think it covers the vague scenario at least.

Kikyo

Kikyo absolutely adores Killua, in her own way, so the fact he'd even dare to get married without letting her know or vet her daughter-in-law would break her. Finding out he had a kid, let alone multiple? She'd keel over like a goat.

Illumi

On the topic of Killua getting married, Illumi's hurt he wasn't invited, but otherwise he wouldn't exactly care. He's not controlling anymore. Killua has made his boundaries clear, Illumi's a good brother, and he respects that. Plus, if Killua gets married, the pressure on Illumi to carry on the lineage goes away! So, he's happy for Killua. He's fine. He's happy he found a loving partner. And has children who won't become assassins. He is. So happy for his baby brother.

Milluki

Unlike Illumi, I don't think Milluki would honestly give a single crap beyond agreeing with his mother for praise. His only hat in this fight is being pissy Killua's family can't be drug into the fold, his kids won't be up for inhumane torture, and his wife is 'ugly'. But, of course, Killua's marriage and his spouse being trash will not spare her Milluki sliding into the dms to try and get nudes and then call her names for not cheating. A fact sure to become fodder for Kikyo

Kalluto

Kalluto is fairly young, so their main concern would be the jealousy. They'd hate that Killua's kids won't become assassins, won't go through that training, and won't be around to play with them because Killua would murder his family if they tried. Other than that, like Milluki, they'd only really agree with Kikyo for acceptance and to not annoy her. Kalluto doesn't strike me as being particularly controlling yet, they just do as they're told.

Alluka

Alluka would get to visit her nieces or nephews, and she'd adore Killua's family. So long as he's still sure he loves her, Alluka is honestly and truly happy for him. She'd want to grant his family wishes, but Killua would probably dissuade that due to the cost, but he'd appreciate it and that would also make her happy.

Silva

Silva would be moreso pissed that Killua would not let his family near the Zoldycks, and would make sure they had no chance to break in or anything extreme. Then you add onto that disrespect of getting no notification of the wedding, let alone childbirth, and Silva is pissed. He only wants what's best for his family, and Killua is supposed to be the next head of the house, so he needs to integrate his wife and kids into the family business, he needs to quit being so hostile to them. But, of course, he'd try to keep his emotions level. There'd be no point in worsening their chances of reconciliation. Plus, despite how infuriating it would be, there's a shred of pride in Killua getting himself to a point where even the Zoldycks can't get him.

Zeno

Zeno is by far the most amused out of the group. Killua went off and got married and had kids without them knowing? Impressive, if a bit upsetting that he cut them out so much. And, he got himself to such a point that they can't retaliate or kidnap the kids? Another impressive feat! Good for Killua for managing that. In all, Zeno seems like he's too old to exactly care about the lineage. Silva's got other kids, it's above Zeno's pay grade to angst over Killua not wanting his kids to become assassins like he did. Zeno's more interested in the war he started when he got out of the zoldyck's reach.

[frickingnerd]

married to eddie fender

pairing: eddie fender x gn!reader

tags: wholesome fluff, established romantic relationship, reader has a happy family life, eddie is a family man, marriage/proposal

eddie is absolutely the type of guy who loves to talk about his partner and brag about them!

he has countless pictures of you on his phone, ready to start talking about his spouse the second someone asks!

eddie is very loyal and he would never dare cheat on you or even look in the direction of another wo/man!

he's very fixated on his partner and once he's dating you, he can't even find other people attractive anymore!

he could look at a model, but they'd be nothing compared to you! he just doesn't think anyone prettier than you exists!

eddie also LOVES your family! he's a family man and not only does he want to start a big, happy family with you, but he also adores your family!

he's super close to your father and often hangs out with him, leading to you teasing eddie about only marrying you to spend more time with your dad!

he's also very respectful towards your mother, always bringing flowers and gifts for her when he visits her! and your cousins or nieces and nephews love him too!

honestly, it was your family that pushed the two of you towards marriage! not that eddie wouldn't have wanted to marry you anyways, but having their approval made him propose to you!

[alex-turners-world]

She covered it up when they broke up 6 years ago and still has his name there. Talk about not having moved on still after so many years. She didn't even have a boyfriend yet. It looks like Taylor waits for another chance with Alex. Keeps hinting him, keeps showing herself crying, keeps posting shade on Louise when she ever dares to post Alex. She fixed the SDTN tattoo after it started fading when they broke up. It's like she's fresh again thinking about fighting for Alex. I mean she's in LA the place she hates and keeps going to places they went together.

// She covered it up though, unlike a certain someone👀

No, I don't think she wants to get back with Alex. She looks totally fine without him. She covered up his name with a fucking tomb, that's quite the sign that she doesn't want him back. And why would she remove her SDTN tattoo? That's her song, he dedicated it to her.

She has said multiple times that she hasn't had a boyfriend because she can't find connection with anyone. And it's completely normal, especially given the fact that she was cheated on, it's not easy to find a partner after you experienced such a heartbreak. She needed time to heal.

And we really don't know what the reason of her crying is. Can't a woman just feel low sometimes? (Although I don't understand why would you want to post your crying face, but Taylor has always been like that 🤷🏻‍♀️)

As for shading Louise, uh, Taylor has every right to shade her. The bitch was sleeping with her boyfriend behind her back and then dared to post about it, and still dares to mock Taylor by posting those cups from LA house (that Taylor was posting drinking from them), copying her (that bathroom mirror selfie when she was wearing exactly the same white top and green shorts as Taylor). Louise was lucky Taylor didn't come up to her and slap her across her face. I would do it if I were her lol

Why shouldn't she go to places in LA where she used to go when she was with Alex? She probably likes those places and is healed enough not to associate them with Alex anymore. Or maybe she likes to remember them spending time there together? Happy memories with your ex do exist,you know. Do you not visit the places where you were with your ex?

[invisiblegarters]

GMMTV 2025 Line Up Trailer Rating / Reaction Part I

Or at least the ones I see on the main channel because frankly, I am dedicated enough to really go looking. 🤷

Dare You to Death - Oooh a bunch of rich kids being stupid. We love to see it (and i mean that). Oooh I kind of like that Dunk is the one playing the hardass here. I also really like that it seem a little grittier for JoongDunk than I'm used to. Love this new era for them. Watching.

Head 2 Head - ah it's the Only Boo dudes. I really should get on finishing that one. It was a bit too sweetie sweet for me at the time. I think I like their dynamic a little more here. I see that they're covering the Bad Buddy and the 2Gether tropes. The future thing is newish. On the fence.

Burnout Syndrome - THIS THUMBNAIL what. Gun as an escort? Off hiring him to impersonate him? So this was the Nuchy show then huh? I guess we should have known. LETTING GUN KISS SOMEONE ELSE???? WHAT. I mean I'd be in just for that, I won't lie. My problem is that I...don't really like OffGun. I don't know why they just don't hit for me like they do for everyone else. And the two things I was actually really into with them (Not Me and The Trainee) were way less focused on the relationship than other things. But I do love Nuchy...damn. Tentatively watching.

I Love "A Lot of" You - Nanon's return. LOL oh my gosh is he going to try to make this woman fall in love with him as five different people? pffft. I can't. What even. And you know I like Nanon well enough but also not watching.

Whale Store - ah yes, the sweet MilkLove GL we all knew was coming. Not complaining. Ooh and a bitter exes that still love each other side couple. Is Piploy gonna get a taste of being the one pining? Interesting. Look. I'm gonna be honest. I love these two I was gonna watch regardless. So of course, I'm watching.

Only Friends: Dream On - I can't believe I got my OF wish. There are people who can attest to the fact that I said I'd only ever watch a s2 of OF if they made it a new cast (or an ep of Our Skyy where they switched up who played who - like Book playing Boston, Neo playing Ray, etc). I genuinely assumed that when (I did think it was when) we got an OF s2 we'd just get the same cast with a tired cheating plot (my money was on Ray cheating this time) but I'm so happy to be wrong. Ohm and Earth playing brothers is actually great. And here we are with another bitter exes that are still hung up on each other story lol. That seems to be the theme of this show. Genuinely surprised that both OhmLeng and JossGawin are paired up again, that would have been on zero bingo cards (maybe OhmLeng but never JossGawin tbh). The Boston cameo had me cackling. Of course he's present when the chaos really starts chaosing. My little gremlin. Watching.

That Summer - the WinnySatang vehicle huh? They did win me over in We Are. Satang as a prince??? DYING why is that so funny. I mean if anyone can do the spoiled rotten but also sweet - MOND??? HIIIII okay I'm in. And ah, Neo and Mint. People predicted this and they were right. I wonder if he's forever banned from BL now. I mean if he doesn't want to that's fine, too. This is giving Overboard vibes. Except in this case the amnesiac might not be one at all. And thankfully I'm not attached enough to any of the actors to get annoyed when Jojo inevitably plays favorites. Probably watching.

Romance Scammer - Oh hey it's the other Ohm. He's so pretty but also I find him very wooden. I do hope that this partner of his helps. And I have liked the other two since Midnight Museum so. And of course a wild Title appears. We'll see. Depends on what else is on tbh. On the fence.

Melody of Secrets - ForceBook. JAN. BOUN. Okay I liked this anyway because I dig the vibe but that sealed it. Yes I am that easy. Shut up. Watching.

Love you Teacher - I love both Perth and Santa but this does not appear to be for me. Not watching.

Continued in part II because tumblr has a character limit and I don't know how to shut up.

[imzsuzsis-blog]

,,I am gay."

Seriously?"

"Fuck Arthur."

I turned around and he was standing behind me, frozen, I thought he was imagining it.

“Then why the hell did you and my girlfriend get into the news?"

"Oh, fuck you Magui, I didn't know you're your girlfriend, we were talking here not long ago, my outfit excited her."

I bit my lip. I felt like giving him a little lecture about how my car broke down and how I'm stuck here and I have to go to the service and they can go with the other one.

"Charlie said that you had to take your car to the service center, it's a bad case... I can sense that my car is there too."

,,Shit... Please disappear!!!! My ex Ollie is here… I'm pregnant by him.”

"No, go to your boyfriend and talk about it, it's not my job to break up with him, that you're pregnant."

He pushed me forward, but I took a few steps in fear, I took a few breaths, thinking I can do it, I can do it...

,,Okay, there..."

Looking stupidly at the camera, but in the meantime I continued to try to cover my little belly, I grimaced and actually returned all it was only visible when I was sitting or my forearm was under my chest, even then it was usual where and which place in a restaurant to give so much food that I picked up a few pieces of food and they told me this not in the good sense of the word, I kept disappearing from their sight so that they would leave me alone with this if it was found out that I'm pregnant and boy the scandal will break out and I'd fucking avoid it.

"I only know what my partner said, Lando?"

"Loki isn't good now, everyone has been coming to the restaurant for a while, you know that's not true, right?"

"Of course I know you're pregnant and it looks good on you."

,,Who is he?"

"Nemo became a VIP guest the day before yesterday or I don't know, he won Eurovizo a few days ago."

I saw that he had a red code, I pulled him aside, I didn't want him to have a fit of jealousy, I was talking to a handsome boy with black hair again from yesterday, and he ran away sobbing and yelled at me for twenty minutes that I dare to cheat on him, then he went somewhere sobbing, telling me that I'm an asshole and that I'll date every other handsome guy whomever you see.

"I won't get together with him either and it's not planned. Calm down, please."

"Right now, it's not about that, it's about the fact that everyone believes in a fool!!!"

"But you're bloated, but you're my handsome, beautiful, pregnant, betrothed boyfriend."

A faint smile appeared on his face, then he gracefully ran his fingers along my face playfully, then he again whispered something sexy and chilling in my ear and dragged me into his apartment.

“Condoms”

,,Really fuck!!!! Although Lando doesn't play a role here..."

He smiled cheekily at me while caressing me sexily under my top.

"Oliver, is he your younger brother?"

“I don't see anywhere that he said we'll meet here and says something about someone's pregnancy and that someone in the field is gay."

,,I don't know, these ohh Loliks are coming from his room, but he will be there."

We opened the door and tried to have sex with another boy, that is to say, a guy, he was older than us, and the shit was in us.

"Lando, are you gay???"

"This is the question of the year, Pierrie!!!!"

He sat up with a pillow on his stomach and stuck out his tongue at us.

"You have nothing to do with this, you bastard!!! Who I go out with and who I sleep with gets my fucking pussy!!!"

"It has something to do with it!!! I quote, I'll tell him who's hot and fit in the field."

"It has nothing to do with it, yes, maybe my family, and Oscar, Alex, Charles and his brother know that I'm gay, but I won't tell anyone like him!!!"

"Jesus, Lando, you just told me you're gay, you crazy animal!!!"

"Shut up, it has nothing to do with you being pregnant!!!!"

"Well, I can't stand a pregnant gay, it's a lot and even idiotic, sorry for being an idiot, but he was now a man."

Storming past me with an angry face, Lando turned on the kettle, that's how I saw it on my mobile phone because that was all my friend could do, the naked Lando.

"Get dressed now."

"Not until everyone here is a dick."

"Shit? Since you've been pregnant, your mind has gone, not your body."

"Shut the fuck up, I'm serious."

"Nothing went wrong, my dear, I'm perfect."

"I think Loki says that every time you see him with a boy, you get jealous, it's not natural, good ASD, there's a reason, but don't do that."

"You know what, girl, fuck you!!!"

"Damn the whole world!!!"

,,Get dressed!!!!"

I scream back at Oscar, his girlfriend and mine at the crazy Lando, but we burst out laughing and even Oscar took it all in.

"George, I'm going to put this on the internet, it's brilliant, Lando Norris has a nervous breakdown when she's pregnant."

"Don't exaggerate."

"I don't think it's funnier after Miami."

,,If you say so."

"Okay, I'll do it... Lando goes for one, two and three!!!"

,,Oscaaaar!!!!! If you do this in Imlola too!!!!!! George will you leave it?”

I shrugged my shoulders and chuckled at this and told Oscar to calmly continue the work he had started because it would be really funny.

"Damned scumbags, drag me away from here!!!"

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 63 - The Hottest of Messes

Ophelia can't sleep. She lays in bed because she has no idea what else to do.

Xander and Hilary should be back by now. Surely, Hector's told them some lie about what happened, that she tried to come onto him and he fired her as a result.

Ophelia's phone pings. She can't look.

Ophelia picks at a plate of leftovers and stares at the photo across from her dining table.

Xander will never want to speak to her again. Her bandmates will hate her for "betraying" their friend and quitting the band.

Hector's taken everything from her.

She can't even tell anyone else because surely he'll spread lies about what happened to the public. Who's the world going to believe? Hector has credibility and, like he said, she's just some dumb floozy.

Ophelia's too tired to defend herself to anyone, let alone everyone.

Her phone buzzes but she can't bare to look. Maybe it's Hilary wanting to cuss her out for trying to "seduce" her husband or whatever Hector claims. Maybe it's Xander telling her they're done.

Ophelia feels like she's drowning. It's easier to just swim down than back up.

Ophelia's whole career was a lie. Hector didn't care about her talent, he just wanted to use her as his little play thing, and now she's never going to perform again.

Ophelia's always been able to bounce back no matter what. She doesn't think she can pull it off this time.

At the Pappas manor, Xander's finally gotten Greta and Jace calmed down enough that they can distract themselves with some mindless TV.

Hilary's not answering his calls or texts so he still has no idea why she wouldn't let them into the Laurent home, but he has his suspicions.

Xander texted Ophelia a couple of times and left a voice mail telling her what's happening, as much as he knows anyway, but no response. He hasn't heard from her since her goodnight text. It's unusual but he has to be there for the kids. She'll understand why he hasn't come over.

Xander sends his girlfriend one last text before realizing Hilary has arrived.

He goes to badger her, but before he can, Hilary practically collapses, sobbing into his shoulder. All Xander can think to do is hold her, like all the times she held him while he cried as a kid.

Xander has only seen his sister cry a handful of times, including at their parents' funeral the other day. Whatever she saw had to have been devastating.

Xander: Hilary, I need you to tell me what happened so I can help.

Hilary: I wish it was that simple, Alexander.

Hilary: Hector… I-I walked in on him trying to… he was…

There's only one thing he could have been doing to get this reaction out of her. Xander knew they were fighting, but Hector had always been such a nice guy. He never thought he'd cheat on Hilary.

Xander: Oh Watcher. He didn't. It was Tiff, wasn't it?

Fresh tears prickle Hilary's eyes. It was bad enough what Hector did to her, why did her baby brother have to be involved?

Hilary: Hector… was trying to coerce Ophelia into sleeping with him.

Xander literally can't believe that.

Xander: No. N-No, she wouldn't-

Hilary: She didn't. She rejected him, even when he threatened to get her blacklisted. At least one of us has a loyal partner.

Hilary hopes that doesn't sound bitter. She's so glad Ophelia stood her ground.

Xander: That bastard. I'm gonna beat his ass the next time I see him.

Hilary: I heard Ophelia slap him. Sounded like a good one, too. I tried to call her and make sure she was okay but she's ghosting me. She probably presumes Hector fed me some crap that makes her the villain.

Xander: She hasn't been answering me either.

Hilary: She didn't know I was there, listening. I feel like such a coward. I should have stopped him, but I couldn't move.

Xander: Don't you dare blame yourself. Hector's the asshole here, not you. You must have been in shock.

Hilary: Our parents dying, walking in and hearing all that… It felt like I had to have been imagining it, it was just too much all at once. But no, it was real. I just stood by while Hector tried to take advantage of a woman half his age. I've never felt so pathetic in my life.

Hilary: I… I'm leaving him. There's no going back after this. I didn't use the word 'divorce' but Hector got the gist. We still need to settle quite a few things though. That's going to be fun.

Xander: I'm so sorry.

Hilary: I'm sorry this affected you and Ophelia too.

Hilary: I don't know what to tell the kids. They're smart, they know something is up. I don't even think I can tell them the full story. It's too adult for Jace, but Greta… He did something unforgivable but he's always been a wonderful father. I don't want them to lose him too.

Xander: I'm not going to tell you what to do, they're your kids. Maybe be as honest as you can with Jace, given how young she is, but Greta's not going to accept a llamashit explanation, that might make things worse.

Hilary. That's fair… Go on, go talk to Ophelia.

Xander: Hil, you shouldn't be alone right now. The past few days have been hell, and now this?

Hilary: I can handle myself. Go to Ophelia.

Xander: I'll go as soon as can but for now, I'll ask Drew or Moses to check on her. Ophelia will understand once she knows the whole story.

Hilary: Alexander-

Xander: No, don't Alexander me. I'm gonna see Ophelia, but the band can help her for now. Right now, you need someone to help you out too. You can shower and take a minute to breathe, I'll cook Greta and Jace some lunch, keep distracting them.

Xander: I'm calling Drew. Can I tell them what happened so they know how to help Ophelia?

Hilary feels silly for wanting her baby brother around for support, but other than her kids, he's the last family she's got, and she really needs family right now.

Hilary: Yes. Thank you.

Drew and Moses showed up for their usual yoga class. They knew Xander was probably too exhausted from his travels, but where was Ophelia?

Moses: Maybe she stayed with him and forgot to tell us? Oh wait, she messaged the group chat.

Moses: That’s odd. These messages are from last night at like, 1 AM. I was exhausted last night, I'd conked out by then.

Drew: Guess I forgot to take my phone off silent. I didn't see these.

Drew checks the group chat for themself.

Drew: “Where are you? What's taking so long?” We didn’t have plans last night.

They get another notification. This time, it’s from Hector. He usually emails them about upcoming weddings they’re playing, but this one is different.

Moses: “As of last night, Ophelia Lemon is no longer a member of Let Them Eat Cake?”

Drew: This has to be some kind of joke. She wouldn’t do that, not without telling us.

Moses’ first instinct is to call the woman in question. She doesn’t pick up. Not one of the five times.

Moses: Damn it, she’s not answering. I can’t think of anything we did to piss her off.

Drew: Even if we did, Ophelia isn't the kind of person to quit without saying anything because her bandmates pissed her off. She's too damn determined to quit so easily.

Drew gets a call and, while they’re disappointed it’s not Ophelia, Xander’s their next bet at figuring this out.

They greet Xander but whatever he's saying shuts them up immediately. That alone concerns Moses because Drew never listens to Xander when he talks.

Moses isn’t able to get much from the call, other than seeing Drew go from confused to furious in record time.

When Drew hangs up, before Moses can even ask-

Drew: HECTOR LAURENT IS A DEAD MAN!

[running-in-the-dark]

I just need to vent, sorry this'll be all over the place probably

I'm upset because of something my partner did, or rather didn't do in this case. I explain how his behaviour hurt me, what would make it better, and what we could do to prevent this from happening again. he nods and makes affirmative noises and maybe says he's sorry in the end, usually after at least 10 minutes.

half an hour later the same thing happens again, I just want to be comforted and shown that he even cares that he made me feel that way. he just stands there and says nothing. I get upset because it hurts. he says nothing. I tell him to just go to bed then because being ignored like that while he's just standing there hurts so much more. he doesn't react. I get more upset. I tell him to go, more loudly this time because I can't stand this feeling anymore. he leaves. he goes to bed, and doesn't talk to me until the next day.

and I feel like a huge fucking bitch. because everyone says 'but he's so nice, you shouldn't treat him like that or he'll leave you', 'maybe he just can't talk under pressure', 'maybe he just needs a moment to think'

it's been 10 years. 10 years of this. but it's my fault. I communicate everything so clearly, I tell him exactly what I need, I don't try to hint at shit and expect him to read my mind. I offer so many things that could help. I try to understand what made him react this way. but how am I supposed to figure it out if he doesn't talk to me.

yes he's nice, he's the sweetest and most gentle guy I've ever met, I enjoy spending time with him, I can be around him without going crazy. but when anything even remotely negative or difficult happens it's like his mind just leaves and it's just his body there. and I'm just alone.

I know the logical solution would be to just leave him, but life isn't that fucking simple. I can't work, I can barely manage to feed myself some days, he helps me a lot and I'd be lost without him. I love him, and I like him. usually, when he's not being like this. but I can't stand this anymore. it happens at least once a week, sometimes more, and sometimes he does do better and tries to talk (but it's always just the exact phrases that I used when I was explaining what's wrong, not anything that he thinks of himself).

it feels like being with a cardboard cutout when this happens. like there's just nothing there. and that makes me feel especially bad because I'm fairly sure he's neurodivergent and that's the issue but like, so am I and I know it's *my* job to work on my own issues. no one has ever offered to help me with that and I still managed to get better at dealing with difficult situations, I looked for help and resources and used them. I say what I need and what would help, and it doesn't matter.

I just don't know how to fix something that can't be fixed with words. I remember feeling the same way when my mother would scream at me even though I did nothing wrong - the words I say won't matter because they don't care/aren't listening/don't want to hear it. and that makes me feel so powerless and weak and lost, just like when I was a kid. I don't know how to fix it. all I want is to talk about things and be heard and get an honest, real reaction.

I just want to be able to talk about this with anyone. but everyone always says its my fault. I should be grateful that he's a good man and doesn't beat me or yell at me or cheat or whatever. he works, he supports me, how dare I demand anything beyond that. but don't I deserve to be treated like a person despite being too ill to work? I try so fucking hard to do better every day, I want to be better, I want to be enough.

but it's not enough, and I'm stuck, and I'll always be stuck. I want to be happy because this is so much better than I ever imagined my life would be. but I don't want just this. I want someone who really, honestly cares about me. not just someone who's used to me and would maybe feel a bit sad if I left. more than anything I just want someone who will talk to me.

I never know what he's thinking or how he's feeling because he won't tell me. he doesn't talk about anything deeper than memes or video games or a video he's watched or something. I try and try and try and he just won't open up. I know I'm just a fucking idiot for letting myself be treated like this for so long, well either that or I'm a demanding bitch who isn't happy with what she has. I don't know. maybe it's both.

it's probably both.

[gareleia]

post-bh, married royed, heavy angst

tw: lots of emotional abuse, alcoholism, cheating, ooc.

DISCLAIMER: THAT'S NOT HOW ABUSE WORKS! alas, I do love my happy endings, so for the sake of it, suspend your disbelief.

Fuhrer Mustang has a lot on his plate which results in him being more short-tempered and prone to snapping. He and Ed always had their arguments, but nowadays it's more of Roy just ripping into Ed for no reason to release some tension. Ed tries to take it in stride, but he has his limits, so their domestic and sexual life takes a hit.

Roy does a minor fuck up and lies about it out of habit (from work), and Ed buys it immediately because he trusts Roy with his life. Roy feels guilty, but still starts gaslighting Ed from time to time, and Ed always thinks that it's his fault and he just has his head in the clouds (or rather books).

Roy misses an important date but Ed tries to suck it up and not make a big deal about it. Roy remembers post-factum and is glad that Ed is being mature about it, unintentionally putting him down and implying his feelings aren't important. Roy also thinks to himself that he's glad he doesn't have to apologize for it because it's tedious for him. He doesn't realize it yet, but that's the turning point.

Roy starts making comments about how Ed should dress modestly, how Ed having social life makes him neglectful and how Ed really stopped caring as much as he did in the beginning. This makes Ed feel like a bad partner.

It comes to head when one night Roy snaps and hits Ed. Tomorrow is finally his day off and he wanted to do something romantic to make up for all the neglect towards Ed, but Ed has been telling him for months that he had something planned for this day with Al. Roy grabs his hands to stop Ed from leaving and then slaps him in the face. He stops and tries to apologize in his usual way by taking Edward to bed, but Ed's not having it. He's horrified at what became of his husband and says that he doesn't feel comfortable with them touching at all.

• Don't you fucking dare yell at me, Edward. Just who do you think are? You're nothing without your alchemy, nothing without your rank, nothing without me! I'm hurting you? How dare you?! Do you know how hard I work, day and night, to give you everything you need?! I sacrifice everything so you and this country are safe, and this is how you repay me?! What do you even do all day, sit around in my library, eat my food, waste my money and bitch about how life is hard for you?! I do everything for you and you have the nerve to call me selfish?! • Nooo, honey, that's my line. You're the selfish one! No matter what I do, you're ungrateful! Nothing is ever good enough for you! I'm running ragged, Ed, and you just keep demanding more and more! What did I ever do to deserve such treatment? Do you even care about me, or do you just stay with me for money and prestige? • Oh, you're tired? You're stressed?! By all accounts, go on, tell me how fucking hard it is to be a housewife, how bad you have it! Am I not to your satisfaction?! Should I give you more money?! More space?! Do you want to go out more, fuck around like a dumb, selfish whore you are?! Well, it's too bloody bad, isn't it! You're my dumb, selfish whore, you made a vow when you married me! You hear this Edward?! You're mine! You chose me, years ago, this is what you chose! This is all you get. Forever. • I mean, where would you even go? You think you could do better? I'm the bloody Fuhrer, I could have anyone, and who would even want you? Look at yourself, Edward, you're a mess! Out of shape already, from sitting on your ass all day? You call this presentable clothing? Admit it, no one but me is dumb enough to want you! Because I love you, Ed, and I won't ever lie to you, I want you to say it with me. I said, SAY IT WITH ME! You're nothing. No one wants you. I'm the only one who loves you. • Yes, that's good. That's a good boy, I'm so proud of you, come here. I'm sorry it's come to this, Ed, I know you have a temper, but you should really stop snapping at me. You know I love you, right? I love you, Ed. *cupping his face and putting their foreheads together* You're the most precious thing I've ever owned, the highest privilege. If I could spend the rest of my life holding you like this, I would. *Ed looks vaguely sick* • Come here, gorgeous. I know it hurts, I'm hurting too, but we can make it better. Let me make it all better, love.

• "NO!"

Roy storms off after leaving bruises on Ed's wrists and goes drinking. He spends the night with someone. In the morning he wakes up after having more than 2 hours of sleep a night for the first time in months and is horrified at what he'd done. He goes home, but Ed isn't there. All his things are however, so Roy stays home waiting.

• Instead of Ed, Gracia comes to pick up his clothes and a suitcase. Ed came to her crying last night and she's very disappointed in Roy ("do you think Maes ever treated me like that?") and insisted on helping. She passes on that Ed is going to Resembool to visit his family for a while. Roy wonders if she realized that he cheated - she absolutely did. But it's only right for him to confess and beg for forgiveness, so she keeps quiet. For now.

• Roy is stewing in guilt and self-loathing. He keeps comparing the Ed he fell in love with - the loud, bright and passionate young man - and the withdrawn, exhausted, quietly miserable creature he turned into and counts every mistake made. Every harsh word. Every backhanded compliment. Every little lie and betrayal, up until the very worst one.

• Riza quickly catches onto everything and is extremely displeased, which results in his work getting that much more miserable.

• After Ed makes it to Resembool, Al calls Roy. He's fucking livid. His brother has bruises and is a shadow of himself and what the bloody hell did you do, Mustang? Al knows how to make it hurt and he goes all out, telling how he was against this marriage all along, how precious his brother is and how much he loved Roy, how much he sacrificed for him and all the times he suffered in silence because he felt like he didn't deserve comfort for being such a bad husband. Roy recognizes phrases he used himself in Ed's negative self-talk. Al finishes by saying that he's never to meet Ed again and that as soon as his brother is well enough mentally they're sending him divorce papers.

• The papers never come, but Roy doesn't doubt they will.

• He comes back from work two months later to find the guest bedroom occupied. The door is locked and Roy tries to apologize through it, but Ed doesn't respond. Ed doesn't come out unless he knows Roy isn't home and he doesn't leave any notes or acknowledges his husband in any way. After spending a week at Ed's door every evening (and leaving presents that went untouched unless they were hand-made), Roy falls asleep on the floor and has a blanket thrown at him.

• After that Roy catches a few glimpses of Ed. He comes home to all his bottles laying on the floor. He takes a hint and spends a few evenings cleaning up his messes. His reward is having a simple dinner ready by the time he comes home. Still no sigh of Ed.

• After that there's always food on the table and dishes waiting for him. Roy's notes start going missing, so Ed finally started reading them. Roy can hear Ed doing stuff downstairs on his days off and he rushes there, but Ed locks himself in the bathroom. After that Roy lets him do his thing unbothered. Sometimes there's even a grocery list.

• Roy's still leaving presents for Ed, but they also go unanswered. Another two weeks in he remembers something that Ed wanted in the very beginning of their relationship and gets it for him. At night he wakes up to Ed crying in the other room.

• Next morning Roy tries his luck again and the door is unlocked, but Ed is gone. Roy is afraid that he fucked up and scared him off, but all his things are there. All the presents are carefully put away and there's a mess of photographs of them scattered around - and a half-drunk bottle of wine (Ed is a lightweight). Roy cleans everything up and leaves him dinner in the evening. Ed went to Gracia for advice, because he thinks his Roy is still in there, but he's scared to confront him and find out. He cries again when he gets the food, because it's just to his tastes and Roy hasn't cooked for him in years.

• Next day when Roy comes back from work Ed is there making dinner. Roy tries to talk, but Ed gives him silent treatment and flinches when he tries to touch his hand. Ed looks exhausted and defeated, but he's still beautiful. They eat together, in silence. Ed doesn't even look at Roy.

• This goes on for another month. They can almost pretend everything is fine. Roy tries everything - gifts, notes, words, offerings, promises, begging. In the end he loses his temper and snaps, breaking a glass. Ed flees to his room. Roy spends the night by his door crying and apologizing. In the morning he's a mess, but he has to go to work. He begs Ed to come out just for a moment. When he drives away, defeated, he catches a glimpse of Ed watching out the window. Their eyes meet for the first time in four months.

• This night when he comes home there's no dinner. Ed is sitting at the kitchen table watching him. When Roy's back is turned (he's putting away groceries), Ed tells him where to put stuff. Roy whips around and is both delighted and terrified, because Ed finally spoke. And it's time for The Talk.

• "I'm sorry" • "I don't believe you"

• Gracia told Al Roy cheated, and Al can't hide stuff from Ed. After that Ed finally decided to go back to Central and clear everything up.

• Tell me what you did. I want to hear it. All of it.

• Do you know what it did to me? I hate myself. For loving you all these years. For trusting you. For not seeing your 'moods' for what they were, a pattern. For failing you - letting you spiral like this. For not being there when you needed me. For not realizing how much you must have suffered to start doing this to me. I hate myself for being stupid, blind and too weak to either help you or let you go. I'm pathetic, really. You were right about one thing: I'm your stupid whore and I can't escape it.

• Every time I look in a mirror I see a mess. A failure. You broke something in me, and I don't think I'll ever know how to fix it.

• And, you know what the worst part is? I love you, Mustang. I still do, so fucking much. And I hate it. I can't stop, but I can't make this right either. You hurt me, you've been hurting me for months, using me to get you your sick satisfaction. And I let you, all this time, because I thought you needed it, and that afterwards things would go back to how they used to be. But they didn't. Things have changed, you've changed, and you're not the man I fell in love with. You're not my Bastard Colonel anymore, you're the asshole that threw a mug at the wall because the dinner wasn't hot when you came home late from work. You hurt me and made me think it was my fault for not being enough. And maybe it was, partly, but I didn't deserve it. You were horrible to me and I was trying so hard to help you. Because I loved you and I still do. Because I would tear my fucking heart out with my bare hands if it would somehow make you Roy again. Even if it means I won't ever get to be a part of your life again. I love you, and you hurt me, and I'm so bloody tired of carrying us both. I'm not Fullmetal anymore, Mustang. I'm just a human and I can't do this alone. I can't take it.

• I'm not Riza. I can't shoot you when you become a monster. I can't even hit you back.

• "I'm so, so sorry. I lost control-" • Don't give me that crap, Mustang. Shitting your pants is a loss of control. Lying to me was a choice. Calling me names was a choice. Isolating me from my family was a choice. You chose to hurt me. Can you at least admit that?

• They both go to therapy.

• They coexist peacefully, sleep in separate rooms and cautiously try to get to know each other again. Winry goes into labor and Ed insists Roy tag along with him. Al breaks his nose and doesn't let him anywhere near the baby. Ed says that he may have deserved it, but the violence doesn't make Al any better. Al almost shouts at Ed for implying he'd ever hurt his family, but stops. Ed hugs him and says that while he loves and appreciates Al's help, he needs to deal with Roy himself, because he's capable of protecting himself.

• In the end Ed calls Mustang Roy again and kisses him on the cheek. Roy feels like crying.

• Thank you, Ed. Thank you for trusting me. You're stronger and braver than I could ever hope to be and I love you so much.

• Ed wipes his tears away and Roy gently grabs his wrists. Ed doesn't flinch. Roy starts kissing his hands.

• "I love you" "I know" "Ed!" *laughter* "I love you too, you stupid bastard."

[pepperedwithhate-blog]

It's Okay To Not Be Okay

I used to fucking hate it when people said that. Correction, I still hate it. But I get it now. I am going through it. And the only thing that made me feel a little bit better was realizing that it's okay that I'm going through it. It's okay that I'm lonely right now. It's okay that I miss him.

Sometimes it is so surreal to me that I am single again. I associated myself so much with my relationship that I stopped having an identity of my own. And it didn't matter how little I could rely on that relationship, it was all I believed I had. It's such an obscure feeling to go through the drastic change of losing someone you love while simultaneously having to navigate who you are without them. And then beginning to realize that being somebody, anybody, isn't all it's cracked up to be. Maybe being nobody is better, healthier even. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

For the first time in my life, I'm sitting with this pain. Meeting it with... dare I say, compassion? I used to get so angry or ashamed when I felt pain, and I'd cry incessantly and then immediately try to numb it or distract myself. But the new nobody me doesn't want to hide from bad feelings anymore or chase instant gratification. That's what got me into trouble in the first place. This me wants to heal. And pain means growth. Splitting, searing pain means scar tissue that teaches you something you can't forget.

He always told me I was spoiled and I couldn't figure out why. I never saw myself that way. But I'm starting to understand. I had this expectation that because my childhood was hard, I deserved an easy adulthood. It's only fair, right? All that suffering must've been good for something, surely that something was freedom from more suffering as an adult. It only hit me recently that losing someone you deeply love and couldn't imagine yourself without, is not life ruining. It's not the worst thing you can go through as an adult. I see how stupid that seems now that it's written out but I can't help that I was that naive, or that ignorant. It's not even the worst thing that has happened to me as an adult, but my emotions will tell you that it is. People's adult lives end up really shitty all the time, sometimes through no fault of their own, sometimes because they lead themselves there with their own actions. But when you're in pain, sometimes you think you're special, in that you're experiencing the worst pain that no one else could possibly understand, and that no one else has endured anything this bad and moved on from it.

But then I realized, later than I'm proud to admit, that people have families and children and get left and cheated on by their partners (my own mother, for example). People get their limbs blown off and homes burned up and watch their children die in front of them. People lose EVERYTHING. And somehow, as long as they are still alive, they keep moving. And often, the people who have been through the worst of it are the ones who can see the best in life. Because they know something that I didn't learn until just now. Nobody is coming to save you. That's not said in a sad, feel sorry for yourself type of way. Nobody is coming to save you, so you need to fucking figure your shit out, and find a way to deal with the bad things that happen in life, and enjoy the good stuff, knowing that all of it, good and bad, is temporary. Not let your emotions rule you. I knew all of that intellectually, but I somehow did not learn it in my spirit until just recently. I guess things come to you when they're supposed to come to you.

I have been to some very, incredibly low points in my adult life. But I never let myself see them clearly or move through them with any sobriety or grace. It was too painful. And I feared and avoided pain like the plague. I didn't think it was fair that I'd gotten to those points in the first place. I was so entitled. Spoiled. And so I cheated death and pain and misery and I ended up in a relationship where I continued to attempt to subvert any sort of pain or discomfort or challenge that came my way. And once he left me alone, like really, actually alone, I think that's when I actually hit rock bottom.

I think everyone's rock bottom looks different. For some people they lose their jobs, their homes, their families, their money, and they look around and they realize that they can't get to any lower of a point. For me, my relationship signified that I now had the ability to do the one thing I had always wanted to do, have a family and kids. I finally found someone who wanted to do that with me, and knowing that felt incredible, regardless of how unhappy we were in the relationship itself. I genuinely believed that that unhappiness would change over time, for both of us. What mattered was that we had a future together. When the relationship ended, it was like the rug was ripped out from under me, and now that ability I so treasured was taken away. I didn't want that future with anyone but him. I still don't. And I cannot explain why. There is absolutely no rational reason for it, and I've stopped searching for one.

My rock bottom was realizing that beautiful future I'd imagined could never be possible. And I spiraled. I was reckless. I did not take care of myself, in fact I did the opposite. For two months, I did everything I could possibly do to numb the pain. It was raw and it devoured me. And then I finally realized that if I didn't heal, I wasn't going to be around much longer, for the people and puppy who were still in my life. And that wouldn't be fair to them. Letting all that happen because I got dumped seemed pretty selfish and pathetic. But I couldn't heal myself, no matter how hard I tried.

After speaking to a friend who had told me about some plant medicine called Ayahuasca for years, he reminded me of it again. That conversation, followed by an intense amount of research, lead me to find a shaman in the mountains in Spain. For two weeks prior to the ceremony with the shaman, I did a special diet. I ate vegetarian food, I didn't drink alcohol, or smoke, and I journaled every night leading up to the ceremony. Then, I went to the mountains, and I drank that medicinal tea and was blessed by the shaman, in what I could only describe as an exorcism. I didn't have any expectation that it would heal me, but I was at rock bottom, and at that point, I was ready and open to trying anything. I think that's how everyone feels about exorcism. It seems like there's no way it could possibly work, but there aren't any other options. And then it does.

But he released my demons from me. I know that's crazy. It is objectively crazy. And I don't believe in things like this. I just didn't know what else to do. And I didn't expect anything to change. Not for more than a couple of days at least. But at that point, I was even willing to accept that extremely temporary outcome. I really didn't have an expectation that I was going to actually get better. Or that anything would change at all. The thing is, ever since that ceremony, I have become a different person. A better person. It wasn't an overnight thing, but I have seen my rebirth happen over the time since the ceremony. I believe in multiple lifetimes now, and that belief has resulted in a peace inside me that I cannot describe. I pray at night. I meditate and journal every single morning. I take care of my body, and when I have a problem, I take constructive action, one step at a time. I'm less reactive to stress and less irritable when things don't go my way. And when I get sad and cry, now, instead of running, I sit with the pain.

I don't think this medicine is for everyone. You have to be open. You don't have to believe it will work, but you have to be open enough to the possibility that it might. Or desperate enough. But I think if people could find a way to diet and journal and meditate and pray and choose faith over fear in their everyday lives, they'd start healing without having to get a full blown exorcism. For some people, when they hit rock bottom and they don't know what else to do, it could definitely be an option. It just doesn't have to be the only one.

I think though, that if I had started some of these good habits I've only managed in my life since the ceremony, back when I was in a healthier headspace, or maybe even when I was younger, before my relationship (or many of my relationships), I wouldn't have gotten to the point of hitting rock bottom. That's not to say that things wouldn't have been terrible and challenging, they certainly would've. But maybe I'd have handled them differently. Maybe I wouldn't have taken anti depressants to try to feel better. Maybe I wouldn't have gained all that weight. Maybe I wouldn't have had so little self respect and self worth. I know now that for me, that had to be my journey. But I want to help people find a way to at least try to prevent that from being their journey too. It's not an easy one, or one I'd wish on many people. If they try everything, and it doesn't work, then there are options. But what if they try preventative measures at the right time, or with the right resources and the right prescriptive instructions, and their lives change for the better? What if there's another way to exercise your own demons and get the clarity in life you've always been searching for, even in the face of unbearable adversity? Does everyone have to hit rock bottom before they make healthy changes?

I don't know, but it is my mission to find out.