#even izzy who he has always been on bad terms with

[jacks-wack-attack]

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

so anyway now that we saw stede postpone his grief for ed to save his entire crew, including the people who tried to kill ed, i better not see any more "stede is a terrible captain because he doesn't care about his crew at all, he only cares about himself and his own problems" takes ever again

[sixstepsaway]

I don't get why people want to pretend Ed wasn't abusive. Why do people insist on making everything into binaries? Yes, Ed has been a victim of abuse. Yes, he has been abusive. Both things can be true. I love him because I think he's in interesting and I understand where his pain is coming from (even if I think S2 was a missed opportunity in terms of character development). But anyway, thank you for writing about this because maybe some folks genuinely don't recognize abusive trends.

I think it has a lot to do with the fandom culture of only being allowed to like "wholesome" ships.

Look at it this way: when season 1 was airing, Ed and Stede were, in fact, very wholesome. Sure, they had some moments of lesser wholesomeness, but overall they were pretty wholesome and sweet and gentle. They were sweet and finding love in middle age and it was adorable. They had a general stamp of fandom approval that they were, in fact, Wholesome And Good To Ship™.

If you look at other fandoms, you'll see a lot of times there's the Good And Acceptable Ship and then there's the Bad Ship (or ships) and the Bad Ship is always slapped with the "oh that's actually incest!" label when they've, idk, grown up together, or "oh it's abusive!" because one of them one time made a bad joke or something, or "power dynamics!" because one is 27 and one is 25 or one is short and the other is tall or whatever, and yeah sometimes the Bad Ship is actually toxic or whatever (which is not a reason to not ship and enjoy it!), but they're put in neat little boxes: Good and Bad.

And for a lot of people, those boxes keep them safe. Last year, someone who was an Izzy Hands fan got doxxed because...? They liked Izzy Hands and shipped him with... I don't know actually. Ed? Stede? It doesn't matter, all I know is they got doxxed.

The side of fandom that thinks you should only ship the Good Ship are toxic and downright dangerous. It's happened again and again in numerous fandoms and just keeps happening.

So when at the end of s1, Ed turned around and cut Izzy's toe off and fed it to him, I think a lot of people panicked because shit, now Ed was Bad too, and if he's Bad then you can't like him or relate to him or ship him with the Good guy of Stede, so what the fuck do you do?

Obvious answer: Blame Izzy. Izzy's already classed as Bad, so put all the responsibility on Izzy for Ed's darkness and then it's safe to ship Ed and Stede again and no one can call you an abuse apologist or whatever for liking them together.

(To be clear: Shipping says nothing about your real morality. This is very clear for many reasons, one of which is... spend thirty seconds watching fans of the Wholesome Ships dox people and abuse people online lol)

So they spent all this time saying Ed was just scared and lashing out, and now s2 has come along and Ed is... well, abusive, canonically.

And for most of us, that doesn't really matter. We can still enjoy Ed and Stede or Ed and Izzy, we can throw ourselves into fanworks and enjoy the show for the things we like, and we can critique the things we have issues with (my problem is not Ed being written as dark and twisty and having a villain arc, my problem is the show writing it badly, exploring it badly, and then handwaving it, because it's shitty writing) and still really enjoy the vibes we got from the show.

But for people who are scared because they spent all this time saying Izzy fans should kill themselves for liking an abuser, well... now they have a choice: either admit Ed is an abuser and admit that liking a character doesn't dictate your irl morality, nor does it say anything about you aside from what you enjoy in fiction, or excuse away his actions, insist he's just a lil meow meow and continue feeling safe in their little bubble.

In a lot of ways I can't blame people for wanting to duck and cover from it. I mean, look at the shit people get for liking characters who aren't perfect, or talking about the imperfections of characters, or just enjoying complex narratives!

But what genuinely concerns me isn't anything to do with the fiction really, it's when people look at Ed's behavior in 2x01 and 2x02 and go, "Nah he's fine," because oh, honey, no, you are making yourself so vulnerable to real life abuse. That is what worries me, which is why I answered that one ask saying Ed wasn't abusive, it felt important to point out why he is.

Anyway, that's what I think is happening here. I think people are just scared that if they admit their fave has multitudes and isn't a perfect character who never does any wrong, they'll get doxxed and abused and harassed online.

I get that.

[artsy-waffle19]

after several hours of processing, a rewatch and some other peoples tumblr posts analyzing the whole situation I actually don't think that izzys death was in it's concept entirely bad (the execution was terrible but I can see where they were coming from) so first of all: the entire ending was rushed, the wedding, stede randomly giving up piracy to open an inn even though they didn't have a conversation about this at all? and yes, izzys death but honestly I blame that on hbo not david jenkins (plus I also refuse to believe that he just didn't care about the character and didn't think about what effect it would have, so far he's done nothing but care about his characters, the fans and izzy in particular he said this season he was super important and he really liked the character)

The thing is that he explained his decision making as "the mentor dying while the student lives on and has to deal with the death of a father figure" now the thing is that I feel like between the 5th and the 6th episode and between izzys death and the ending there's just a huge chunk of plot missing that probably got cut and I personally believe that that part between 5 and 6 was supposed to show ed and izzys relationship more. David said Ed viewed him as a father figure yet we've never seen that before. Every interaction between them has framed them as an abusive (on both sides) romantic relationship (somebody said that their relationship showed the whole daddy issues thing pretty well because it shows ed viewing izzy as literally every kind of relationship a friend, a father, a partner just everything) now that does make sense but we only know that now after david said it not because the show made it visible (which is probably because they didn't have the time (i mean they cut an entire hour of runtime which is like a fifth))

And generally I think if we had seen that father figure-dynamic a little more they actually could've pulled that ending off because then it would've been more apparent what the show was trying to show.

My interpretation of the whole thing is that izzys death symbolises the end of piracy, rather than the death of a character that didn't "deserve living anymore" hear me out:

1) he was the most competent pirate in the entire show, always used as comparison and on several occasions it is showed that he doesn't only teach everyone how to be a pirate but is also the most respected pirate in the republic of pirates. Even when ed isn't recognised anymore, everybody knows who izzy hands is. He is basically THE pirate, the unicorn of piracy.

2) the unicorn plot: when they called him a unicorn for the first time I thought it was just the crew accepting him on the ship and in their family but the term of "the last unicorn" makes much more sense in this context. He's the concept of piracy, the mythical creature and the view everyone has of piracy, yet if he dies, piracy is over the last unicorn is gone and that's pretty much what's happening and what's fully gonna happen next season. him dying is the beginning of the end.

3) ed and stede quitting piracy and staying where izzy is burried, they basically burried piracy to then move on to the land. Also because izzy was a teacher for both of them and was therefore what tied them to real piracy. Especially for ed he symbolised piracy and his past life.

Also izzys thoughts about piracy and ed changed. In the first season he says stede is not a real pirate and neither is ed when he's not blackbeard, in season 2 he says piracy is about belonging somewhere and finding a family he also accepts ed for being ed and tells him to just be himself. with him the concept of piracy changes in itself.

The entire thing also could've been a great deal better if they had actually had the time to show everyone mourning him because they immediately after had a wedding and just moved on but once again that was probably just cut screen time.

I also don't think that they exactly dean winchestered him (i mean yea but also no) he died for the crew, his newfound family ("it's about finding a new family you'd die for when your actual one is already gone") And yea he was already getting his will to live back and taking that from him was awful but he was also fully ready to die for the cause, one he believed in. Because he believed in his family and that piracy and his spirit would live on even if they were all dead because "we are good". So his death wasn't entirely pointless.

messy and long text but over all I think that, even though it is sad and could've been handled better, it isn't a bad ending in it's concept and, even though I wish he would've survived i don't think that the death of this character ruins the entire show or is in any way offensive to queer and disabled people....It's just very poorly executed, which is on hbo for cutting the season short by a fith

[flirtmcgirt]

Why I hate MMFD Series 3, Circa 2015.

Ok, like I said, i randomly found this in my phone. It is extra, it is wild, it all holds up lol. It’s embarrassing, but who cares? S3 was embarrassing. It’s VERY long. Laugh, cry, mock me, fight me, enjoy yourselves. I’ll never get over it.

1. The whole series has a bleak feeling almost immediately that doesn’t let up. I don’t just mean plot, I mean color palette and vibes. It has this washed out feeling I hate.

2. I don’t side with Rae on her interview. I don’t. She didn’t take it seriously.

3. Rae wants to go to uni because..? Rae chose Bristol because..? Rae has no backup schools because..?

4. Rae says she’s happy. Cool. Why? What’s been happening? How’s treatment been going? The most elementary rule of storytelling: show, don’t tell. I feel like we got told for 2 hours, with no fill-in of the gap.

5. The end of season 2 felt like the jumping off of the beginning of something: Chloe healing emotionally, the relationship with Rae and her mom, Rae and Finn, attempts at taking therapy seriously. We spend the next 2 hours digging into NONE of these things. I’m not dumb, I know time was limited. But we needed more exposition, flashbacks, more SOMETHING. Why should I believe things are going well, especially when they’re about to collapse.

6. Flashbacks (this blows my mind): Rae shows us what we think are flashbacks talking about her happiness. They’re not-they’re flash forwards. And all of them are after Rae starts being dishonest and backsliding. That has always upset me as a viewer. We NEVER see Rae progress in this series in retrospect.

7. Why are Rae and Finn hiding major life decisions from each other?

8. Chloe’s doing well! Cool! Again, how and why?

9. Look, I was young with a boyfriend once too. I get there’s limited time between school, work, and family, and you want to spend the time you have taking off each other’s clothes at that age. But there’s no emotional intimacy here and it spits in the face of earlier seasons.

10. “I love you.” Enough said. But fine. Let’s take it at face value. Why are they not expressing themselves ? Are they happy, are they unsure around each other, are they coasting on lust? We don’t know, bc bad storytelling.

11. We’re right back to “let’s only discuss my boyfriend in terms of his looks.” Bo-ring, no growth, and not to get too explicit, but you don’t have repeated, committed sex, and not get past some of this. Embarrassing things happen, funny things, you open up emotionally and get real with yourself and each other. You’re telling me these two never made weird noises or weird faces or sweated horrifically all over each other?

12. I’ve always seen Linda as someone who cares for Rae, worries, and is observant, but often doesn’t do the best thing because of her own issues. She is out to lunch most of the series and I hated it.

13. The car crash. I hate it for so many reasons. It sucked up the plot time we needed not to make the whole series feel disjointed. It was too dramatic for me. One of the things I always loved about MMFD was it felt like a relatable show that featured teens, not necessarily a teen show. This was a teen soap stunt.

14. Rae is ostensibly happy when she gets her acceptance. Why does she immediately discard the idea? Why no inner dialogue about her actual desires?

15. KESTER. We’ve said it all. Kester telling her what to do instead of working through her feelings? Irresponsible. Lying? Irresponsible. Not properly transitioning out of therapy? Irresponsible? The mental health messages were disgusting overall. Add another therapist COVERING and letting her dump her meds was even worse. Kester’s choices were all about covering his own ass, and he’s ultimately pathetic.

16. The Gang. Just so much why? Why are Izzy and Chop forced into being stupid? Why does no one give a shit about Finn? Why is everyone grappling with major life changes but only Chloe and Rae have to bear any drama. Why is Archie not in uni? Why does everyone clearly know Rae is suffering and doesn’t even try to help; more importantly they mock her? That last piece makes me legit angry.

17. I like Rae and Chloe’s friendship growth. That it came at the expense of Rae’s guilt, fear, and shame is just disappointing.

18. Finn looks..tired, even before the Katie business. He looks overwhelmed and unsure and scared, and like he’s spent two years biting his tongue. I don’t doubt for a second he loves her, but is it healthy? It didn’t look healthy, and again, why? You’re getting paid to TELL ME A STORY.

19. Rae never uses anything she learned in therapy all series.

20. No one but Rae gets a real storyline and that stinks.

21. Katie. Faye Marsay is better than this. Lost more plot time for a teenage Single White Female retread.

22. The cheating. Out of character, we never get clear resolution on what happened, and most importantly to me, it’s the main reason for a breakup that has so many other tells simmering in the background, imo. That Rae is condescending, doesn’t own up to her parts, is just. Yeah. Why should I believe this person is ok? PS-We know he bought her that “you’re the milk to my cookies” shirt, it only makes sense. Ma’am you did not act like it.

23. Katie’s entire voodoo speech burns me up because we never get confirmation Rae doesn’t internalize and/or reject this. I actually think a conversation about the ripple effect of mental health is so important, and deserved better than whatever the hell this was.

24. Rae’s whole A-level experience. She gets saved and coddled so she can go somewhere they won’t play that game with her. How does this help her or show she’s ready?

25. No chippy. Fine, whatever, but I miss it lol.

26. Everyone perving on Finn, come on, this was cringe.

27. The look Chloe gives Finn at the pub. I don’t understand it, but I don’t like it.

28. No Baby Bouchtat time, wtfffff.

29. Rae never comes to a realization we hear about why she wants uni. She gets her back against the wall because her mom has to leave and everything else is falling apart. Great.

30. Speaking of, why is Linda still at home 2(?) months after she said she wanted to leave, halfway through her husband’s contract? I thought it was so damn important.

31. Rae’s dad..more plot time wasted. I honestly barely remember this. PS-hey Rae, I bet Finn Nelson would’ve heavily related if you said your shitty dad popped back up and you were struggling.

32. It seems like Rae cuts everybody out after the ball. This is not real life. You lose touch, people fade away, sure. Over months and years, not by cutting bonds off at the knees.

33. Town only being the background to Archie’s plot was such a waste.

34. That tub scene was sickening and irresponsible as fuck. Every other mental health episode in other seasons had inner dialogue to help the audience. That they played it as straight and left the audience dangling that long was reprehensible.

35. Everyone on this show got to develop an outside life we knew about away from Rae except Finn and he deserved more.

36. The going it alone message is terrible. You always need support and love from people around you.

37. Petty, but that dress did Sharon no favors, please dress our queen properly.

38. The last song being Creep is so lyrically bleak and sums up this entire dumpster fire.

39. “The bullshit goes with me?” GOODBYE. Please.

40. The train scene: kind of nice! Reminiscing! Tix! But also weird. Why do Kester and Chloe look so serious? Why does Finn only look like he wants to fuck her? Why is Liam even there? Whatever.

Please add more lol. Or don’t, because this is out of control. I roast because I loved and knew what it was capable of once.

[witchfall]

dirt in the wound

4 - healing

[Heavensward-era. After the Ravana fight. Izzie, still coming to terms with the weight of their duties...]

It stings like a bastard, the cut on her cheek.

Pebbles and dirt grime the edges of it; the skin is splayed open from the detritus of crystal crushed under Ravana's spindly, insectoid feet. The slice had been perfectly even, a gift from his terrible blade, until her mortal body plummeted to the ground from the force of it.

The moment is slippery. Her mind doesn't want to find purchase on the pain, burning hot with aether and the taste of blood, but she'd thrown herself forward to shove Noel out of the way of his sword's arc -- and she supposes that must be the culprit for this particular injury.

There are stories for them all, but she'd be damned if she could remember them.

She is ruminating on the nature of this work when the cool touch of magic digs into the sting -- yanking out the infection, pulling together the torn skin like laces in a bodice. She gasps aloud and recoils, because that sure as hells isn't what Noel's magic feels like--

"I'm sorry. I--I apologize, I simply..."

Alphinaud's unusually stuttering voice brings her back down from the rocky climb unto panic.

She glares at him from her perch on a cold stone, because that is easy. That is the known dynamic. Fall back into it, like a dance, and prepare for his pirouette, for his haughty rejoinder about how he wouldn't need to heal her if she wasn't always like this--

He pulls back his gloved hand. His eyes, so beautiful and dark, are wide enough to form their own gravitational pull.

Her glare dies -- shocked into smoothening, her answering expression that of confusion.

"Please." His hand hovers in the air. She watches his long, delicate fingers. "I'm sorry. I normally would leave it to Noel's discretion, of course, but she is still with Ysayle--"

"Ask next time," she grumbles out. Her skin burns with heat. She doesn't know why.

It's not like he's never seen her hurt before. He has, plenty of times. Why does this time feel weird and different? Why does it feel like she did something wrong, in making him look so upset? This is her job. She did her job. She shouldn't feel bad.

"Yes, of course," he says, entirely too quickly. His relief crushes his shoulders down. "Of course, I wasn't thinking. Forgive me."

She closes her eyes as his hand hovers just over her cheek. Barely an ilm away. She could lean in and he would touch her skin -- which is a very weird thought to have. Why is she thinking about that? She shouldn't.

Maybe because, for the first time, he sounds their age instead of like the hoity-toity lordling he pretends to be around these Ishgardians. Around storied personages like the Azure Dragoon, who is pretending not to watch with amusement near a wet boulder.

She winces against the coolness of his aether, not at all like the soothing warm salt water of Noel's cure spells. He's like a river, washing the blood and grime away, eroding the crux of the world with the force of his will. The injury will fade because he demands that it shall.

"Why do you care, anyway?" she asks, before she can stop the words from tumbling out. "It's just a cut."

"It looks painful," he says quietly. "And you needn't scar from such a thing when it is in my capacity to mend it."

She bites her lip. "I...forgot."

She forgot that he can heal.

Because he'd never had to, before. He'd never been in the field with them before. But things are different now. There is no one else to rely upon, save herself, Noel, and him. They are all that is left of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, or at least their warrior contingent, and that reminder kicks the air out of her lungs hard enough that she takes in a sharp breath through her nose.

All that is left. A barely of-age girl with more grit than sense, a barely of-age boy with more brains than wisdom, and a brilliant adult woman broken entirely by grief thanks to that fucking Crystal Tower.

"Sorry," she mutters.

He blinks. "Whatever for?"

She doesn't know. All of it? All of her snapping at him, how he's stuck with her again, how his delicate little lordling body has to drag through the mud with them, how she'd made him worry? "A lot of things," she decides, for the sake of her pride. "But this time for forgetting."

A breathless, choked, single giggle bubbles out of him. Tension snapping. "Quite easy to forgive, I assure you."

His hand lingers in the air for a split second after the chime of his aether fades away. Like he's considering something, and then at the last moment, decides not to.

Instead he says: "Would you like help with your hair?"

Her face flushes hot. Angry, right? What else could it be? Surely nothing else but that. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He is the one that recoils this time. "I just meant...! Well, you tangled it quite severely in your last engagement, I--"

"My hair is fine! Thank you!"

"It has blood and dirt in it!"

"What if I like it that way?"

This. This is more normal. This, somehow, is healing.

She feels a smile pull at her lips as he angrily fumbles a response in turn...a smile that only grows when he finally, finally seems to realize she's fucking with him.

He glares at her, face turning pink -- and she bursts into laughter.

And when he sees her laugh, his confused smile in return is...pleased.

A healing only she can offer him in turn. This is their game. Theirs. And no blade, no gil, no scheming in the night can take that away.

[izaiahwheatley]

✦ DYLAN OBRIEN, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ✦ IZAIAH WHEATLEY the THIRTY year old has been in Hidehill for ENTIRE LIFE and was a COWORKER to Miyeon Kang, the murder victim. Whispers on the streets are that the TEACHER who lives in HAGFIELD are said to be PROTECTIVE and SARCASTIC but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves. { LEILA }

This is still a little raw and I will be tweaking it but here is the basic idea

STATS

FULL NAME: Izaiah Wheatley

NICKNAME(S): Izzy, Zai, Zaiah

AGE: Thirty

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cis man, He/His

FACE CLAIM: Dylan Obrien

EYE COLOR: Brown

HAIR COLOR: Brown

HEIGHT: 6'2

PARENTS:

SIBLINGS: Older Brothers, 1 younger sister (Open)

DATE OF BIRTH: June 1,

ZODIAC SIGN: Gemini

OCCUPATION:  School math and science teacher

HOBBIES: Working out, puzzles

RESIDENCE: Hagfield

Background

Izaiah grew up on their family farm like most kids did in Hagfield, but he always knew he wanted to leave the farm life behind and do something different. Home life was not the greatest as there were pressures from every direction. A father that didn't want his son to go to college, but take over the farm with his brothers, school pressures, and love life pressures. Izaiah was relatively smart at a young age. He liked reading and doing puzzles, solving equations, and sorting out mysteries. If there was a reason to find an answer to something, he was on it. So when he finally left home to go to college, no was surprised. But before all of that Izzy went through a lot

Zai grew up the outcast of his brothers as he was more interested in reading than sports. He was forced into them by his parents but he didn't mind too much it gave him a nice balance. There was an Idea from his father to be a strong strapping Wheatley boy, the same president gives to his younger sister. Izzy got himself into trouble from time to time but the punishments for the younger two children seemed to be more severe than the older ones, maybe this was due to his father's downfall with alcohol. It started when he was about thirteen, the first time his father beat the crap out of him for god knows what, but at that moment Izzy knew he wanted out of this town.

It wasn't too bad though, nothing he couldn't manage. He was already used to being the black sheep of the family and he just made sure to spend as little time at home. He depended on his childhood friend Carter, spending most nights at his place as an escape.

It was one of those nights when Izzy wasn't home when he got the phone call from his mother about a break-in. The news of his father's death shook him to his core. Even though they fought and his father was cruel to him, he still found his heart shattered by his murder. When he left home for college he made sure not to go too far, so he could make weekend trips back home and be there for his mom and sister.

Headcanons and connections:

Izzy gets really freaked out by weird noices, with an anxiety disorder he is always on edge, especially with the shadow being out and about

He is childhood besties with Carter

Izaiah and Alyin had a summer fling going for several summers and eventually, feelings developed. She found out he started dating someone one of the summers she came back and they did not rekindle their fling but grew apart.

He is long term friends with Brielle, and the reason her father threatened charlie

Wanted Connections

Bromance: Nico

Hook ups:

Childhood friends:

Friends of his sister that he looks after growing up and now:

Exs: Open multiple

On again off again: Heather

First girlfriend/first time: Ana

[saigonharrington]

Hey I love your works Izzie! I fell in love with your latest work with Steve. Could I ask for something similar with Conrad Fisher? Something based on „Heather” from Conan? Something along the lines that Conrad and Y/N are best friends, but she has been secretly in love with him for years. (People think they act like a couple in love. His mom thinks they will be married in the future, and she only sees Conrad with her. ) But the vacations are coming and it becomes obvious that he has feelings for Belly? Y / N notices this and maybe moves away from him? And she wish she was Belly. Thanks, and love you so much!! ❤️

You ask and i shall deliver!

Heather yn x conrad fisher

wordcount: 2.7k

category: angst

I'm not quite fond of this one but boy do I love these dramatic speeches and misunderstandings,

the fic is under the cut, enjoy!

---------------------

„You have to admit that this one’s a beauty” Susannah pulled her wedding dress from the closet to show it to you two. „You might think I’m crazy, but I like to imagine that one of you will be wearing this while marrying my son. It’s my dream come true and I’m positive it will fit. It always does.

Belly looked at you awkwardly, wondering what has led to this conversation, and thinking how one could reply to Susannah. 

„I love it, but I’m afraid my mom has planned for me to wear her dress instead.” She said, mumbling apologies only not to see Susannah’s disappointment.

“Well, Y/N, then I think it’s clear you’ll be wearing this while marrying Conrad. And I could make you a beautiful flower crown that will suit perfectly the wedding of your dreams. Good thing there are flowers in almost every color. And…”

“Yes, yes, I would love to.” You put your hands on hers to calm her down, seeing how excited she was getting to be. To be honest, you understood her, because your mind was also going crazy while imagining this exact situation, but you had to stay calm around Susannah and especially Belly.

It was crazy. You knew that she had a crush on Conrad since you were kids because you did too. It was easy to notice how she was reacting to his touch, his way of speaking, you noticed everything. Conrad was your best friend forever, if you could, you would find a way to befriend each other while being in a womb. You were already best mates even before your first school year started. You would have to be blind not to know how many girls were in love with Conrad. Both Fisher boys were on many girls’ minds. But you cared for Conrad in particular because you loved him.

For you, it wasn’t a secret. Even Susannah knew or implied that it’s obvious that you two are made for each other. Her support made you believe that the feeling is mutual and that you truly have a chance to be with him. You wanted to, really, really bad. But it wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

Belly was always there. Mostly during summers, but she was here. She was a little younger than you, leading you to think of her like a little sister. Or more of a cousin, since she wasn’t here all year round, but anyways. The point is, even if you weren’t always on friendly terms, you didn’t want to hurt her by having a relationship with Conrad. It would cause a lot of drama and ruin the perfect summer at Cousins. So you kind of stayed back, trying to hold everything inside and wait. Because if something was going to happen, you didn’t want to be the first to make a move and hurt Belly. It had to be Conrad.

The truth is, he wasn’t eager to do anything as well. He was the quiet kid, only Belly’s mother made her way to his heart somehow and was able to talk with him about his feelings. Sure, you were his best friends and he opened up to you to talk about almost everything. But not about love. That’s why no one was sure who does Conrad like. He kissed some girls at parties or hung around with them for a while, but there hadn’t been any long-term relationship. You desperately wanted to be his first serious girlfriend, hoping that this summer might be a little different, giving you more luck and him more confidence, but nothing happened yet.

“What were you doing with our mom?” Jeremiah asked insinuating something weird while swimming in the pool. 

“Yeah Bells, did Susannah make you take her clothes again?” Steven chimed in, wanting to tease his sister.

“It doesn’t matter. Girl stuff. You wouldn’t understand. Right, y/n?” She asked you for confirmation.

“Of course. And why do you care? We have much more important stuff to do, especially since we got invited to the bonfire party this evening.” You added and saw that the boys were smiling at that idea.

“But do we need to take Belly? She’ll need to be taken care of all the time. I pass.” Steven was unhappy that his sister was getting older and could join boys in many activities. 

“I can take care of her. I’m pretty good at being a pool guard and that means I have an eye on lots of people. One Belly is nothing compared to this.” 

“Stop, Jere.” Belly was annoyed. “I don’t need to be taken care of. I’m not a kid anymore. And I’ll be there with Cam, so I won’t be needing anyone of you. I hope not to notice you there. I’m gonna go prepare and you guys have fun without me.” She left the patio and went to her room, leaving everyone speechless.

“This Ted talk didn’t go well. But she’s right. She’s mature enough to be careful at parties. I can have an eye on her but in a not-so-obvious way like you guys do. Besides, I have nothing to do at the party, so don’t worry. It will be great.” You added, hopefully waiting for Conrad to offer his company to you at the party.

“I have some things to sort out with Nicole, but I might join you in doing nothing. This party is going to be boring.” Conrad finally took part in the conversation, jumping out of the pool to put his, now-empty bottle of beer in the trash can. “See you in front of the cars? Don’t be late everybody.” And he left too.

Getting ready for a beach bonfire party was something you’ve gotten quite used to. It was a common event during summer at Cousins, since it was available for everyone and no one had the responsibility to clean the house afterward before the parents come back, because at the beach there were more hosts and everyone kinda took care of themselves and tried not to make a mess.  There was always a little moment of panic when you had to choose what clothing items to wear and which colors should dominate your makeup. But it was also exciting,  because sometimes Conrad showed you what he was going to wear and you tried to match with him, even with makeup, and other times you tried to guess and match with him without having any clues. Today you knew, since he was messaging you about every single thing you both are going to do this evening not to get bored.

Time was flying so quickly that you didn’t even notice when you were heading back to Fisher’s house to meet up with the boys. “Hi. Belly isn’t going with us?” You greeted them again, finding your place in the backseat with Conrad since Steven was driving and Jere was sitting next to him.

“Nah, she left with Cam Cameron a while ago. I think they were planning to go for a milkshake before going to the beach.” Jeremiah replied to you while putting his sunglasses on. “We’re going to have fun without her. Let the kids have their date or something. We’ll annoy the shit out of her later.” He laughed and high-fived her brother.

„Nice makeup. It never ceases to amaze me how you do it. I like how it looks on you.” Conrad mumbled, wanting to have a bit more private conversation.

“Thank you, Con. It took me AGES to do it, but I’m proud of myself. I think we’ll look great tonight. Who knows, maybe finally some boy will want to dance with me.” 

“I don’t understand why they never do. It’s so hard not to fall for you, there should be a line to get you as we get out of the car. But maybe I will dance with you if they are shy enough to ask you. They need to know what they miss.” His words got you butterflies. It’s so hard not to fall for you. For me? Who tries not to fall for me? If it’s you, Conrad, then please stop trying. Let the feelings sink in. Fall for me, please. I beg you.

“That’s an amazing idea. Let’s have fun and put ourselves out there. You know, show off how great we can be at parties and how we can get along. Let’s present ourselves to possible candidates.” You tried to treat it lightly and commented on the whole thing as if both of you were on a reality show with the purpose to find loved ones, but it only made him chuckle a little. It sounded funnier in your head and maybe it should stay there.

“Yeah and while we’re at it let’s invite some tv hosts to find us blind dates. Funny, y/n. But I still have to talk to Nicole first. I’ll let you know if I’m officially single because for now, I’m not sure.” He got along with it but reminded you that he still has a girlfriend. God, it felt so wrong to love him when he was seeing other girls. It made your heartache, feel like it was punched harder and harder with the purpose to make holes in it with bare hands. But who were you to convince yourself to stop? It wasn’t the easiest task to do.

When you got there, Conrad left you immediately, seeing Nicole with her friend from afar. Steven also went to his girlfriend, so now there was only you and Jere, but it was likely that he will leave you too, considering that everyone here liked him and his company. 

“I think he’s gonna break up with her for good. It makes no sense for them to be together.” He said while glancing at them and trying to decode their facial expressions.

“I don’t know. I thought they had potential, but Conrad messed up a few times. He told me how he ignored her or didn’t tell the truth about something. Maybe you’re right. If I were her, I would leave him.” You tried to be calm, but the thought of Conrad being single made you smile a little.

“Don’t get so happy about it. He’s not the type to break with someone and find another girl the same day.”

“What are you insinuating, Jere? I don’t want to be with him!” You exclaimed a bit louder than you thought you did.

“Yeah, and I’m an astronaut. I’m just saying. It’s pretty obvious that you like him. All the girls do.” He said as if everyone from cousins wasn’t liking him as well. “But the truth is, I don’t think Conrad’s the type of guy to fall for his best friend. I assume that he wouldn’t want to risk losing the relationship for good. Hate to break it to you, y/n, but it’s not the best time to be his girlfriend. We’re young, we need to experiment with others and be casual. Don’t you think so? Look, there goes my experiment.” He ended his monologue following a guy that has just waved to him. As he was leaving he mouthed “h a v e f u n” and got out of your sight. 

While you waited for Conrad to come back with the news, you took a cup of drink from someone who was serving them and sat on the sand alone. Of course, you wanted to have fun but your best friend was always on your mind. It was hard to get loosened when such important stuff was happening to him. Maybe it sounds a little exaggerated but honestly, since he started dating or just generally showing interest in girls, you were always on your toes, not so patiently waiting for him to finally do something with you. That’s why every time he was single and no girl was around you tried to open up a little, but without success.

“It went well.” Your best friend appeared out of nowhere and took your drink from your hand. “She was fed up with my and my behavior, so I’m a free man. Let’s get wasted.” He said it without excitement making you realize that maybe some part of him liked - or loved - this girl. You wanted to console him and make this evening about him. “Have you seen Belly?”  He asked out of nowhere.

“Yeah, I think she and Cam were walking by the seaside like 10 minutes ago? But they might be far from here now…” 

“Of course. I don’t understand what she sees in him.” He took another cup of drink and drank it all. 

“What do you mean? Don’t get all protective. Even her brother isn’t that much bothered about it.” 

“I don’t know. I miss the times when she wasn’t interested in this type of thing. When there were only us in summer. Besides, I don’t trust that guy.” 

“I think he’s nice. He’s got a great impact on her. Would you like her to be with a guy who smokes and drinks every night? Cam’s cool. In my opinion, he’s the best boyfriend that Belly can have. She’s getting older and you have to accept the fact that she will be dating. We can only be glad that she’s with an unproblematic guy.” You defended Belly’s choices because Conrad was getting angrier.

“I think he’s boring. And a show-off. Oh, I’m so perfect, so intelligent and sober.” Conrad imitated Cam’s voice to mock him.

“I genuinely don’t understand you lately. You have just broken up with Nicole. Are you jealous of Belly? What’s gotten into you?” You asked curiously. “Or maybe you just miss the times when she was smitten with you because you and Jere were the only boys around her? Let her go.” You started to get a little dramatic, with a tear in your eye, but you tried to focus to keep your voice low since not everyone should listen and be involved in this argument. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel. God, it feels so wrong. I don’t know what I want. Maybe I want Belly. Or maybe I just don’t want her to hang out with other guys. I can’t do that.” He replied, getting lost in his thoughts. 

“Maybe it’s high time for you to know. Because it’s pathetic that I’ve been in love with you for so long. I waited all the time, watching you and other girls, and god, I wasn’t even hiding. Everyone knows that I have feelings for you, but you. Your mom today showed me her wedding dress and asked me to wear it on our wedding day.” You started crying. “Don’t you see what it looks like? Everyone roots for us or acknowledges that something is happening. You must be blind to see it, or worse, you knew but chose to ignore it. I can’t do it any longer, Conrad. If you love her, do something. Because of this, I am the perfect example of someone who waited for so long. And see how it ended up for me? I’m choking with tears at a party, where everyone sees me, I’m standing right next to you, looking ugly, after revealing my feelings, and you know what’s coming next? I’m gonna be the only one crying and hurt. And probably with no ride back home. And you will be waiting for her forever. I loved you. I love you. But I see that you don’t love me, not the way I wanted to. But I’m afraid that being friends is not enough for me anymore. Don’t make the same mistakes as I did. God, I wish I were her." And you left him alone, without getting a response or even a goodbye look because he was too stunned to do anything.

------

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[kirkothy]

Thinking about the way Ed is acting in episodes 7 and 8

The brilliant @darkwingdukat mentioned to me that the episodes after Izzy leaves are the ones where Ed is the most unhinged in terms of his behaviour, especially towards Stede (not wanting to go on the treasure hunt with Stede, telling Stede to give it a rest and go back to the ship, acting like a dick with Calico Jack, etc.) and I think a lot of that comes back to the role Izzy has played in Ed’s life up until that point (and therefore, the guidance Ed is missing now that Izzy is gone).

From what we’ve seen, Izzy has always been the one to give Ed direction— he eggs him on, nags him, tells him where to go next, keeps Ed on track. Without Izzy, Ed is obviously a skilled pirate, but lacks the direction Izzy has provided all these years (“the plan is to just go with the flow”). Not to say that Ed is incapable of making decisions and taking care of himself by any means, but Izzy is the much more pragmatic, focused of the two of them and has been for a long time.

Putting the rest under a cut because this got long and rambly...

In episode 7, Ed is adrift, unsure where to go next. He’s thinking about leaving, feels like he’s been idle too long, but he doesn’t have any specific plans for what he’s going to do. He’s also noticeably negligent towards Stede’s feelings for the first time— he doesn’t want to go on some frivolous treasure hunt, maybe because there’s a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he should be plotting, moving on, rather than relaxing and enjoying himself. When Stede does convince him to go along, he’s honestly a bit of a dick for the first half of the adventure. Maybe he’s mirroring some of Izzy’s vitriol now that Izzy isn’t there to play off of— the bad cop to his good— maybe he’s just distracted without someone to push him forward. He’s not used to being idle, and even when he was on the ship doing all those silly things with Stede, he knew that Izzy was there to take care of it, to keep them safe and on track. Now that Izzy’s gone, he has no one to push him forward, to guide him onto the next thing. It actually takes Lucius telling him to get his shit together for Ed to take control of the situation, to be an active participant rather than a passive observer. (Another Lucius/Izzy parallel that I’ll talk about in another post).

Episode 8 shows us a different Ed than the ones we’ve previously seen— goofier and more chaotic but not necessarily more likeable. The way he so thoroughly takes on Jack’s persona shows us how good he is at mirroring other people, how desperately he needs someone to mirror now that he doesn’t have Izzy, and therefore, how incapable he is of just being himself. How much he doesn’t know what that means. We’ve all talked about how Ed is a chameleon, but it’s never more obvious than his complete personality shift around Jack; this isn’t the Ed we know and love— he’s completely committed to this persona that brings out the worst side of him, a side he doesn’t even particularly like (”This is me. You were always gonna find out what I am”).

To bring it back around to Izzy: Izzy has always been Ed’s anchor to who he thinks he’s supposed to be and what he is supposed to do. For a long time, he’s been the Blackbeard Izzy wanted him to be, and though he’d already soured on that a bit by the time we met him, he obviously still looked to Izzy for guidance, to keep him in line. Once Izzy leaves, Ed is only left with Stede— Stede, who doesn’t judge him, who accepts (and is fascinated by) most versions of him and the majority of his actions (except when he becomes Jack 2.0., the least Ed Ed he’d ever encountered). Stede isn’t like Izzy— he doesn’t tell Ed what to do, doesn’t expect any one personality, any specific way of being— he leaves room for Ed to make his own decisions (“Ed’s past is his business”). Yes, Stede still has some expectations, but he doesn’t force Ed’s hand or pressure him nearly as much as Izzy does. And that freedom Ed finally has to be himself, with no one pestering and prodding him in the “right” direction, makes Ed nervous because he doesn’t know who he is, only who other people expect him to be.

By the time he and Stede get to the Academy, Ed is learning what it means to be Ed, is beginning to embrace the space he has to be himself, without outside factors determining what that means for him (“I just want to do what makes Ed happy”). Then Stede leaves him, and he tries with every fibre of his being to hold onto that freedom, to the Ed he thought he could be. But Izzy is back, and his anger is back ( “choose your next words wisely, dog”), and he can’t lose Izzy again, not so soon after he lost Stede. So he reverts again, back to the Blackbeard Izzy wants him to be, back to a time before he had ever met Stede Bonnet.

[ourflagmeansdeathfanblog]

I feel like the internet combined with what cancel culture turned into has ruined people's ability to accept any kind of person, real or fictional, who has even a shred of not-perfect-yet in them.

There's a drastic difference between someone who is an unchanging shitty excuse giving selfishTM and cruel abuser, and someone who is actively trying and changing but has had and maybe still has a few abusive traits they picked up because heaven forbid we live in a society that still normalises so much of that.

People don't need to stay in a relationship that is harming them just because the other person is slowly changing of course. Gtfo if you need to. That is always your right as a person. (Coming back to the fictional world of OFMD for a second, I'd like people to note that the narrative never condemned or shat on Mary for moving on happily to a healthier relationship or for putting her foot down and ultimately fighting to keep it when Stede tried to come back.)

But that person who was changing too slowly is not a Bad PersonTM for not being enough for you or for having had a whole lot of shittiness they had to and did actually work hard to fix either. (Stede has had multiple flaws as a character from the beginning. The narrative did in fact call him out on this multiple times throughout the entire series. From the way they have him feeling guilty about leaving his family because he should feel guilty, to the way they overtly and unapologetically do not have his family welcome him back with open arms immediately, let the family be mad at him and call him out and be visibly worse off for him returning in the narrative, and how everyone is portrayed as happier when they listen to each other and sort something out to help him leave them to their better lives and give him a conditional chance to reconnect with his children providing he actually puts the effort in after he sorts out his things with Ed and the crew. Which by the way is a whole different storm I can see brewing in the narrative where he'll get called out for running back to his old life and abandoning Ed and the crew and have to work to fix those wounds he's inflicted too.)

Hurt people hurt people. And the narrative of OFMD portrays this very well and not only expects most characters to work to get better, it also unflinchingly portrays the consequences of a character's shittier choices and doesn't let them just walk away from it like it never happened. That's how you write flawed characters in complex situations, guys.

In terms of real life, you should absolutely expect people to work on things. Those people shouldn't expect someone to stay with them just because they are working on things. Sometimes the damage is too much, and the person who did that damage just has to live with that for the rest of their lives and keep working not to do it again. But if they do in fact keep working to be a better person and are changing, they're not a Bad PersonTM for having been shitty in the first place or for not immediately being perfect on all levels the second they start working after being called out.

Bad PeopleTM are the ones who refuse to see how they hurt others, insist they are always right, actively continue to hurt others without giving a single shit about the pain they are causing and maybe even enjoy it, and never consider for a moment that they are the problem and any attempt by people (or a narrative in a fictional story) at reaching them is always tossed away with the attitude of 'why is this happening to me? These people are just all idiots/awful/lashing out at me for no reason.'

That's a cruel jackass who doesn't care about other people.

In the narrative of OFMD, neither Stede Bonnet nor Edward Teach fit that.

You know who does (at least as of the end of Season 1)?

Izzy Hands.

look there is absolutely a lot of shit about stede to dislike. the man has a lot of growing to do.

but some of the takes abt stede i've been seeing recently talk about deeply hating him for being inherently selfish and cruel and not caring about other people and it all just seems like. first of all wrong and second of all...

he's the protagonist of a romcom? obviously protagonists dont always have to be good or likable people but i feel like. for the genre. you are supposed to root for the protagonist. the protagonist is supposed to be likable. and yeah, ive seen shitty romcoms where they miss the mark on that completely, but a lot of these opinions about how stede is selfish and cruel and controlling and demanding and stuff... like why would anyone intentionally write those traits into their protagonist? why would david jenkins make that our main character???? why do you guys even listen to a single thing that man says if you genuinely think he wanted the main character of the romcom to be as selfish and unlikable as you seem to think stede is?

[feral-pirate-captian]

The gloves. The gloves. The gloves. How is there so much symbolism in just gloves? Through the entirety of the show Izzy only wears one full glove. He's closed off, only vulnerable to one person, Edward. He never let's his full personality show. He covers it up with the anger and the hatred that has settled into his bones and which he holds close unless he's with Edward. The venom that he spits acts as the glove that Izzy wears, it hides who he truly is just under the surface. Izzy wears his glove on his right hand, his dominant hand, he covers the dominant parts of his personality that are seen as weak. That he sees as weak. No one with percive him that way unless he wants them too.

Edward however, he wears two gloves but they're fingerless, symbolizing that he let's more of his real personality through. He let's it slip out, letting Blackbeard fade away and just being Ed. He's tired, keeping up the Blackbeard persona after years and years is exhausting and that exhaustion has settled under his skin, festering there. Edward is content to let the real him show a little if that means relasing some of that exhaustion. He wants to be himself so, so bad but he can't, so he'll get what he can take. In the last episode though Edward is wearing two full gloves. His hiding his real personality, hiding everything about it, holding back that vulnerability, that so called weakness. He's mad at himself, mad that he let himself be that vulnerable, mad that he let that weakness show, livid that he let himself enjoy it, that he thought it would be different this time. He should've know it was too good to be true. He's not going to let that happen again. No one will ever break his heart again. No one will ever leave him ever again unless it's on his terms. He's hurt and grieving what he had, what could've been. He'll cover up that hurt in unbridled violence and anger hiding Edward away and never letting him out again because Edward always leads to hurt and he will never be hurt again. He'll cover up every part of himself and that's what the gloves symbolize. He is no longer Ed, he's not even Blackbeard anymore, he is something much darker, much more twisted. He is the Kraken.

[laceratedlamiaceae]

Vulnerability in OFMD

I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability in Our Flag Means Death. The TL;DR is "choosing to be vulnerable is good, usually," which isn't really groundbreaking but the way it's done is interesting. I'm intentionally going to conflate physical and emotional vulnerability, because I think the show does it too. A lot of this has been said before, but I wanted to put it all in one place. Looooong post below:

Stede was taught from a young age that vulnerability was bad, by his bullies and his father, so he learned not to show it. As an adult, his tentative attempts to express himself are shut down (see all the flashbacks in episode four), and when Mary tries reaching out to him ("I know you're unhappy; I'm unhappy too"), he's had the fear of vulnerability so ingrained in him that he can't allow himself to be honest with her.

In the first three episodes, he's frequently made vulnerable (getting captured, running into Izzy, getting stabbed by the Spanish), but it's always forced upon him, not something he chooses. He meets Ed at his most vulnerable, having been stabbed and nearly hanged, and Ed saves him--I wouldn't be surprised if that was one of the first times someone saw him vulnerable and didn't use it to hurt him.

Despite that, he still can't be vulnerable with Ed (or anyone else). He tries, briefly, in episode four (when Ed asks him if he ever feels like he's treading water), but then Ed interrupts him and he gives up. Most obviously, he spends hours with a sword literally inside of him pretending that he's fine. In the end, he doesn't tell Ed how he feels about leaving his family, or that he doesn't (entirely) want to run away together. I imagine a big part of his arc in season two is going to be overcoming that.

Ed hasn't been vulnerable in a long time; he craves it, but can't have it because everyone sees him as Blackbeard (except Izzy, who hates vulnerability). We don't see much of what his life is like before he meets Stede, but he complains to Izzy that he doesn't have to risk his life in raids anymore; I think that speaks to a desire for vulnerability, in some way.

When he meets Stede, he finally has someone he can be vulnerable with. From the very beginning, Ed puts himself out there--he tells Stede all about his boredom and frustration pretty much as soon as they meet. I won't list it all out here, but he literally lets Stede stab him; it's hard to get more vulnerable than that, and he does later in that episode when he tells Stede about killing his father.

In episode ten, after having a taste of what vulnerability can get him and then losing it, he tries desperately to get it back and he does that by dialing the vulnerability up to eleven. It kind of works, even if the crew is visibly uncomfortable at first, until Izzy shows him the downside of vulnerability: it makes it easy for people to hurt you. I was pretty confused by his total 180 at first, but it makes a lot of sense when you consider that he's probably never been hit where it hurts like that, at least not for a long time, and he has no idea how to handle it.

Izzy can't handle vulnerability at all. Like Stede, he never chooses to be vulnerable and every time he is put in a vulnerable position he reacts with fear, either freezing (Stede holding him at knifepoint, Lucius asking if he's ever been sketched) or fawning (Ed choking him and making him eat his own toe, the crew nearly throwing him overboard). When Ed tries to be vulnerable with him (and Ed is the only person who ever does), he shuts it down; he brushes off Ed's boredom in episode four and he rails against everything Ed's doing in episode ten. His aversion to vulnerability constantly makes him miserable but he's too afraid/un-self-aware to do anything about it. (just like me!)

If he's getting a "redemption arc" (imo he isn't bad enough for that term to apply, but that's the one people are using), I think it has to start with him confronting that fear. If he doesn't, I think he could be a good foil for Stede, illustrating what happens when you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable. As tragic as it would be, I think Izzy refusing to open up to vulnerability even when he's given the opportunity and ultimately dying/ending up sad and alone because of it would be a really poignant way to end his story, albeit kind of a downer and very cliché.

Lucius is the most willing to be vulnerable, and the most able to pull it off; Jim tries to kill him and they kiss him an episode later, and he literally tells Ed "You can stab me in the face now" and it works out for him. He serves as a model of the show's idea of what vulnerability should look like.

It's more interesting to look at the time Lucius isn't vulnerable: episode five, when Izzy is trying to blackmail him. Izzy saw he was vulnerable and wanted to take advantage of that, and he didn't let that happen. I think the point of that was to show that vulnerability isn't universally good; some people (Izzy) will use it to hurt you.

Overall, every time a character chooses to be vulnerable with another, their relationship improves. The obvious exception to that is Ed in episode ten, and I think the point of that is to hammer home that vulnerability doesn't always work; it isn't a coincidence that Izzy is involved both times this idea is brought up. Being forced into vulnerability is always portrayed as negative, which seems obvious but is worth noting. (as a sidenote, this is why I can't get into fics where Izzy is dragged kicking and screaming into being part of the crew; if he doesn't choose it himself it just feels wrong).

There's a lot more I could say about this--I didn't even touch on Jim and Oluwande, and I might in a later post--but this is already over 1,000 words and I think I have enough here to back up the idea that vulnerability is a big theme of the show. Specifically, the show is (in part) about how important it is to be vulnerable, which I think is a big part of the reason it's resonated with me and so many other people.

[knowlesian]

I can't believe how much "izzy is a beard" sums up in terms of who izzy is to ed. that and your takes on why ed chose izzy exactly FOR his lack of emotional intelligence or desire for friendly closeness are going to be rolling around in my head for ages now

HERE HAVE MORE TO ROLL and watch as this is borderline incoherent/i just end up repeating this when i finish my longer piece, but i have been puzzling over this for ages and trying to figure out how exactly i would guess the lines shook out back in the day.

i think about ed's pre-canon life and choices a lot in terms of "what's the utility", because this team was really good at crafting realistic emotional journeys and people amidst all the outsized and/or ridiculous plot and aesthetics.

the boiled down way to express it would be... metaphorically, ed has always had that red silk close to his chest, but he's only just now beginning to to pull it out and look at it; he can't admit he wants to wear it openly.

it feels safe to say this started faaaairly recently, and it's been going on long enough for izzy to start getting fed up because ed isn't acting like the walls up, mask on version of ed izzy knows and expects to see. who knows the actual length of time and when exactly ed first started to show the cracks in the facade: i legit won't even bother with a guess.

(because look: i just feel like timelines on this show are p much jeremy bearimy, baby. i have stopped trying to guess how long ed and izzy have known each other, when fang joined up, etc etc etc. these characters are all ages at once; maybe izzy has been on ed's ship for five years and fang for five hundred, who could really say. maybe this is ALL occurring in the dot above the i.)

i would definitely say izzy is able to observe the empirical behavioral changes that come from ed getting tired of keeping up the act, but because he can't read ed that's what he labels 'erratic behavior'. erratic means unexpected or unpredictable and out of character, not depressed, and maybe my hottest izzy take is i don't think izzy knows ed is depressed.

(i swear this is leading to actually talking about the old days! at some point!)

and obviously the usual caveat applies that whooo fuckin' knows if i'm reading it right, but i don't think it's a mistake we never see izzy witness ed break down in s1. he's up on deck during the fuckery, he leads lucius to the fort but we don't see him interact with ed during the fort era. by the time izzy interacts with ed again that we see, ed's singing his song on the deck and cleaning up the cabin.

i don't think it's necessarily as cut and dry as 'izzy has no idea ed ever gets upset (not angry)', but when ed says he might try dying because why not!, izzy is baffled. that doesn't speak to me of izzy knowing the depth of ed's pain, or seeing how close he is to legit just saying fuck it and letting all his spinning plates crash because he's tired of maintaining them all and he's not getting much from the effort anymore, where parts of the life used to thrill him.

so izzy can tell something is not right because like... duh, but he's just not good at reading people and ed is very good at obfuscation.

whiiiiiich finally gets me to the old days.

the ed of those days built the kind of toxic ship culture where you cut off toes for a laugh as regularly as you go on benders. (sidenote because i am always lowkey wanting to stress this, the "for a laugh" toe context in e9: very important for analyzing the toe scene, imo. without canon establishing that the blackbeard izzy wants ed to be is a man who cuts off toes for a laugh/that ed knows he doesn't want to be that man anymore, that scene plays out very differently so they definitely included it for a reason. i'm with stede when i say uhhhhh that's a shitty joke! but when you factor in that setup and context, it's pretty clear izzy is legit thrilled because ed did what izzy said he should do. whether or not he knows deep down this is bad for both of them or would have preferred another method: up for grabs. either way the toe was a return to form, and in their old world it was done as a fun little prank and not as a punishment. that's just canon, personal feelings on if that is cool and okay aside.)

back on subject, beyond the 'they shit everywhere' parts ed instituted the pet rule because "the love of a pet makes a man weak". grammatically speaking, that means a lack of that love— a lack of softness, even— makes a man strong.

so: ed's ship culture was set up to stamp out softness, and make men strong. make himself strong. keep those red handkerchiefs hidden, boys, keep your hearts locked away and perform the kind of violence that means evvvvvvverybody understands you are the realest sort of man: a man who cannot be fucked with, or ELSE.

and helLO, mindset izzy hands can fuck with.

so there's point one in izzy's favor for ed. he's already on that train, he's going to go SO HARD enforcing this shit without ed even needing to step in.

there's the other practical aspects: he's a good fighter, he's a good enough sailor to keep up with the standard expected from ed's crew.

i would argue the bulk of 'why izzy' is more emotional, though. ed doesn't want to be alone, izzy won't leave him alone; ed asked for loyalty above all else, and when izzy promised he'd give it he meant that. his loyalty is... you know, the kind of loyalty that leads him to run crying to the navy when ed forces him to play by the rules of a game izzy thought were fair when he also thought they were tilted in his favor, but hey. sliding scale, and ed of the old days was not exactly seeking healthy relationships and good communication.

he's also not seeking to be seen and understood as his full authentic self; he is in fact actively cultivating a persona and lifestyle that is all about hiding in plain sight and making sure nobody questions if he's lowkey full of shit and feels like he's a bad person who doesn't deserve nice things.

selecting a first mate who can see right through him is counter to that goal. enter, izzy hands.

izzy can't read ed, but ed can read izzy and he knows his whole blackbeard shtick is already exactly what izzy wants.

given that izzy tends to see what he wants to see in general (it took this man two solid weeks to begin to wonder if ed just had a crush, and even then his conclusion was 'ohhh, stede is magic and he broke ed's brain' because that's a thing? somehow? jesus christ, izzy. your issues, they are fuckin legion) that means ed would have to know izzy's natural tendencies would combine with a desire to keep serving under a legend and help paper over any slips ed might make in maintaining the facade 24/7.

and alongside all that, as hard as it is for a viewer who looks at izzy and goes '...fuckin what IS THERE to like, though' to imagine, ed clearly got to experience the very best parts of izzy over the years, and subsequently valued them. (...whatever those are.) i very much doubt ed would have kept izzy around if his cluelessness and rabid loyalty and ability to stab were all he had to offer, because you can find all that in a package that isn't otherwise giving you nothing.

that's not to say izzy was once a shining paragon of any sort, since the ed of old was a no pets, no moonlight, no heart to hearts in that moonlight kind of guy— he wasn't looking for somebody like stede back then, because his fear of being known overwhelmed his desire to be known, and (preconceived notions and miscommunications and all) stede is the kind of guy who can't do anything but look at ed and see him for who he is.

it is saying that i think ed saw the best parts of izzy, weighed them against his worst parts, considered all the practical reasons he worked, and it added up to: this is a person i understand but who will never see past what i want him to see, who is even more obsessed with upkeeping my legend than i am and who will never, ever leave me.

aaaaand back in the day, that was what ed wanted; now, it's what's driving them right the fuck on into the rocks.

which is fuckin' tragic on both sides and some very deft writing.

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BELOVED - Part Five (Harry Styles)

a/n: ahh idk why but writing this part took me forever! but its finally here and i can’t wait to see your thoughts on it! i was debating for a long time if part 5 should be the last one, but then i decided to add another part, bc there are two more things i want to include in the story and i couldn’t squeeze them into this part, it’s already the longest so far, so we have one more part left of the story! also, a little warning that part 6 might take a little longer than the prev parts bc im a little behind with my schedule but it’ll try my best!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce, sexual content

word count: 12k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You’ve been feeling like a teenager sneaking around her parents these past weeks. Only that you’re an adult and the parent you are trying to keep your secret romance hidden from is a four year old little girl.

Your birthday was a turning point in your evolving relationship with Harry. Like a wall has been brought down and he finally started reaching out to you. It feels like with every passing day you’re getting closer to him and you can see the progress he’s been making thanks to his therapy sessions and how much he is trying to make a change himself as well.

Stolen kisses and tiny touches have been a usual in your every days whenever Izzy was out of sight for the shortest second. You’ve realized that Harry is an affectionate person, he likes to keep you close and he never fails to bring passion into the tiniest kisses.

With Izzy around 24/7 it’s been hard to find time when it’s just the two of you, but you’ve been waking up early in the morning just to spend that twenty minutes alone with Harry while he drinks his coffee. Sometimes you just sit in silence, trying to wake up for the day ahead of you but sometimes he talks your ears off about anything and everything. In the evening, when Izzy is already sleeping the two of you usually wind off together in the living room or watch a movie in the entertainment room, just enjoying some alone time. It’s not much, but more than nothing and you’ve grown very fond of these little moments with him.

Nothing more has happened than just kissing. Despite the progress Harry has made so far you can tell he still has quite a few conflicts buried deep inside him and you definitely don’t want to rush him into anything he is not ready for. Some cuddling on the couch or short but passionate make out sessions in a corner while Izzy is not paying attention, you haven’t gone further than this.

Now it’s the last day before Izzy leaves to Harry’s mum for the week. He is dropping her off Sunday afternoon and it will leave the two of you alone for seven full days. Well, Harry still has to work during the day, but from the moment he’ll get home, it’s just gonna be you and him.

You had to make a few phone calls so you’ve been locked in your room for a while now. When you come down you find your favorite father-daughter duo on the couch, some kind of Barbie movie playing on the TV, but Izzy is busy with something else. She’s got her water based flooring pens scattered around her, Harry’s tattooed arm laying across her lap as she is coloring the patterns as if it was her favorite coloring book. Before they could notice you, you run back to your room and grab your polaroid camera and returning you snap a picture of the adorable scene. The shutter of the camera makes Harry’s head snap in your way, a smile tugging on his lips.

“Hey,” he softly greets you. You put the camera and the photo aside to the cupboard near you before joining them on the couch.

“Hi Y/N! Look!” Izzy beams happily, pointing at Harry’s ship tattoo that is now fully colored with yellows, pinks and blues.

“It looks better this way,” you smirk down at her before your eyes meet with Harry’s over her head, smiling at you softly.

Making yourself comfortable next to them, you watch Izzy work on more of his tattoos and you find it such a heartwarming scene, you want to remember it forever. Harry Styles, such an influential, successful and serious businessman, sitting on the couch in his loungewear while his daughter is using his tattooed skin as her personal coloring book. He really is a wonderful human being and the best dad to his daughter.

“Y/N, do you have any tattoos?” Izzy asks, turning to you with curious eyes.

“I actually do,” you answer and you see Harry’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“You really do?” he asks, his head resting on the back of the couch, turned to face you.

“Yeah,” you nod with a soft chuckle.

“Where?” Izzy asks perking up at the new information.

“Um, it’s right here,” you tell her pointing at the side of your hips, covered with your sweatpants.

“Can I color them?” she asks innocently, but Harry is quick to react.

“Izzy, you’re being a little too nosy,” he warns her as always, and she looks at you with a pouty look.

“It’s fine. Um, yeah, you can color it,” you nod.

Sliding lower on the couch you roll down the waistband of your pants until the tattoo is revealed on the side. You catch Harry’s eyes wander over the skin you are now showing and you can see a slight blush tinting his cheeks. He hasn’t seen this part of your body uncovered yet, he hasn’t even seen you in a bathing suit so far so it’s quite the new thing.

(reference for the tattoo)

The tattoo on your side is a simple yet meaningful one, dedicated to the special bond you and Trevor share. It’s a minimalistic yet beautiful piece of two koi fishes swimming in a circle, one is left blank as while the other one is black so their formation resembles the yin-yang symbol. You got it when you turned twenty, when Trevor was just in middle school, but he promised you he would get the same design when he turns eighteen that will happen in the fall.

“That looks beautiful,” Harry breathes out with a shy smile and you notice how he doesn’t ask about the meaning behind it. Not because he is not curious but because he is insanely respectful and he doesn’t want to ask something that’s too personal.

“Thanks,” you smile at him as Izzy grabs her pens and starts coloring the blank fish.

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully, Harry is clearly trying to spend as much time with Izzy as possible before her week with his mother, but you also notice that he seems to be keeping something away from you, like he is trying to bring up something but he is not entirely sure how to start the conversation.

It’s not until Izzy is put to bed that he joins you on the couch, turning to you with a serious expression on his handsome face.

“What’s up?” you ask with a soft chuckle.

“I was thinking…”

“I could see that,” you tease him, giving his knee a playful squeeze. “I’m listening.”

“Actually there are two things I wanted to talk to you about. I’m not sure which one to ask first.” He purses his lips before sighing and moving his eyes to meet your curious gaze. “So we’re gonna be alone for the next week.”

“Mhm.”

“And I thought that… if you want to, but we don’t have to, it was just an idea—so feel free to—“

“Harry,” you cut his stuttering off, moving closer with a reassuring smile. You caress the side of his face and you notice how you lean into your touch, breathing out through his nose. “Don’t be nervous, alright? Just tell me what’s been on your mind.”

“Would you go out on a date with me?” he then asks and it’s the purest thing you’ve ever seen and heard from him. The hopeful but still nervous look in his eyes makes him appear like a little boy who is asking out his first crush in middle school, afraid of rejection, when that’s the last thing he has to think about when it comes to you, but it’s still cute.

“I would love to,” you smile at him and leaning closer you peck his lips softly. “And what’s the other thing you wanted to ask?”

“Well, I’m driving Izzy over to my mum’s early in the morning and I’m staying for lunch and… if you don’t feel like it’s too much, you could… maybe come with us.”

“You want me to meet your mum?” you ask surprised.

“Well, she wants to meet you as well, but I want you to meet her, yes,” he admits with a nervous chuckle. “Gemma has told her about you and my sister likes to be nosy so she might have added a little spice into the story about us when nothing was really going on.”

“Oh my, what does she think?” you ask with wide eyes.

“Nothing bad, don’t worry,” he assures you quickly. “She just made it seem like we are… dating and all,” he adds with a nervous smile. “But I told her that it’s… I mean that we are not there… yet.”

“Oh, okay. Well, if you really want me there, I would love to go with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Would love to meet your mum.”

“I was afraid you’d find it a little early for this,” he admits truthfully and you can see that rationality in his thought. “We haven’t really… discussed what we are and I didn’t want to put the pressure on you.”

“Well, do you want to talk about us?” you ask softly, giving him the chance to decline if he feels like the conversation might be a little too much for him.

“I do, but I’m not sure… what to say,” he hums, knitting his eyebrows together. Last time I had this talk I was in my early twenties and I don’t even know how to start,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“Okay, then let’s just agree on some things,” you suggest and he eyes you curiously. “Neither of us is seeing anyone else, right?”

“Is that even a question in my situation?” he snorts, making a joke out of his issues clearly and you’re happy he is able to take it so lighthearted.

“Just clearing the air,” you chuckle. “So we are…exclusive.”

“Seems like it,” he nods.

“And you just asked me out on a date,” you point another detail out.

“I did. And you said yes,” he smiles, an excited shine in his eyes glimmering through his green irises.

“Yeah. So we can say we are dating? Seeing each other?” Harry chews on the terms you offered, tastes them before nodding slowly.

“I guess we could say that.”

“Okay. So… that’s what we are,” you smile at him, giving his knee another squeeze. This time, his hand finds yours and he runs his thumb across your knuckles.

“I think… I’m okay with that,” he breathes out and though it’s seemingly such an insignificant thing, you know how huge steps he has just taken forward.

“I liked the blue one better. With the white sweater,” Heather hums, watching you through the video call. You have your phone propped up on your dresser as you’re trying to figure out what to wear today.

Though you seemed completely unbothered last night when Harry invited you along with them, but now you can feel the slight panic. It’s not even because you and Harry are a thing now, you’d feel this way if you met his mother just as Izzy’s nanny. Grandmothers can be so protective over their grandchildren, you’ve met with quite a few problematic ones while you were working at the daycare and you just want Anne to like you, to trust you with Izzy as much as Harry does.

“Okay, blue it is then,” you sigh, pulling the yellow sundress off of yourself before putting the blue one back with a white sweater.

“So you guys are now official?” Heather grins at you through the screen. “Meeting his mother and all that?”

“Define being official,” you chuckle softly.

“Like, boyfriend-girlfriend?”

“Not yet. But we agreed to be exclusively dating.”

“I still can’t fucking believe that you’re scoring the hottest dad I’ve ever seen. You lucky bitch,” she sighs, sipping on her morning coffee.

“Me neither,” you scoff.

“I’m pretty sure if the mothers who got you fired knew, they would explode. Basically every woman was in love with the man and now you are the lucky woman actually getting him.”

“I guess this is karma for what they did,” you chuckle shrugging. “Alright, I gotta go, because we are leaving soon, but I’ll talk to you soon.”

“You better be! I want a detailed essay about how it went!” she grins, kissing the camera.

“Alright, bye!” you smile before ending the call.

When you get downstairs, Harry and Izzy are already down there, Harry is zipping up her bag while she is dancing around humming to herself.

“Baby, your backpack is still in your room. Can you please get it?” Harry asks her, Izzy nods and runs towards you, stopping in front of you.

“Hi Y/N! I like your dress!” she beams at you.

“Hi! Well thank you!” you smile at her before she runs past you up the stairs. “Hey,” you greet Harry and his eyes snap up to you, his pink lips stretching into a warm smile as he leans closer and kisses your cheek sweetly.

“Hi. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. So, any tips for meeting your mum for the first time?” you ask, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. Harry reaches out and takes your hands between his so he stops the motion.

“You don’t need tips. I know my mum will like you, she is already so excited to meet you, so don’t worry.”

“If you say so,” you breathe out.

Harry puts Izzy’s stuff in the Rover and soon buckles her into her seat before the three of you hit the road. Harry has a whole playlist for Izzy’s favorite songs so you obviously listen to that along with Izzy’s performance of all the songs, filled with misheard lyrics, but that’s what makes it even better. The car ride is about three hours, which is not that horrible. You need just one bathroom break sometime in the middle and Izzy sleeps through the last hour in the car, allowing the two of you to finally listen to music that’s not from a kids’ show.

“Do you have a song request?” you smile over at him, scrolling through his phone since it’s the one connected to the car, but he has given you permission to play whatever you like.

“Not really.”

“You don’t have songs you like to listen to in the car?”

“Not specifically. Do you?”

“Oh, I have a whole playlist for songs to blast in the car,” you chuckle.

“Really? And what songs are on it?”

“Well, I can just show you.”

You search up your user on Spotify and find the playlist in talk before putting it on shuffle. As the first song starts to play, you peek over at him to see his reaction and you spot the smirk on his lips.

“Black Eyed Peas?” he asks glancing at you shortly.

“Yeah, you don’t like them?” you smirk at him.

“I do, I just didn’t think you listen to them,” he admits with a soft chuckle.

“Are you kidding me? They give me the biggest nostalgia! I listened to them so much as a teenager.”

“So teenage Y/N gave a concert in her bedroom, singing I Gotta Feeling?” he teases you grinning.

“Not just a concert, a whole world tour.”

There’s a short silence, just the two of you listening to the song, you watch the trees and fields rush by you as you drive down the country road. The song changes to another one and you’ve already forgotten about what you talked about, but apparently not Harry.

“What were you like as a teenager?” he asks. You turn to face him and your eyes meet for a second.

“Um, like a normal teenager,” you shrug, not sure what to say.

“There’s no such thing as a normal teenager,” Harry smiles. “What did you do, what were your favorite things?”

“I was… pretty plain, if I might say. I wasn’t a rebel or too much of a geek either. I had like three good friends, we used to hang out a lot by the little lake near our neighborhood, that was like our spot. I liked going on hikes and I watched a lot of documentaries,” you admit with a small smile.

“What kind?”

“I don’t know, anything that was on,” you shrug. “My mom had this phase where she was trying to act like she was just like all the other mom’s from my school, but they were all at least a decade older than her. She was trying to prove that she was this mature, very serious woman who had her shit together and all that.”

“And she didn’t?” Harry asks peeking at you shortly.

“I mean, she did. She turned thirty when I was twelve. Most women barely just got married and started their family at that age but she had been married for eight years and had a middle schooler and a baby already. She really was mature but I could tell that she felt like she lost her twenties because of… me.”

Sighing you think back to the years when you often felt like a burden to your mom. She gave up a lot of things just to give you the life she imagined for you. She worked her ass off to raise you and later Trevor as well, have a career and do all the works around the house. Your dad was working a lot of night shifts, there were entire weeks when you barely even saw him. You don’t blame him, he was trying to provide for his family, but it’s pretty clear he and your mother grew cold over the years and it had a huge part in it.

“Do you… blame yourself for it?” Harry asks softly.

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s not like I had anything to do with being born,” you chuckle. “I just didn’t like seeing my mom struggle so much. So when Trevor was born I was trying to take over a lot of tasks around the house and with him as well. I babysat him a lot, took care of him in the mornings, I picked him up from daycare and later from school… I tried to make it easier for my parents.”

“So this is why you grew so close with him?”

“I guess so,” you nod. “I mean, I surely spent the most time with him,” you add with a short chuckle.

“And do you think this is why you’re so good with kids?”

“What is this, a therapy session?” you ask arching an eyebrow at him, but he just rolls his eyes.

“Just… trying to get to know you. Is that a problem?”

“No, I just… I’m not used to talking about myself so much. It’s been quite a few years since I’ve been in this… talking stage,” you admit with a sigh. “But to answer your question, it might have had some impact on me. I mean, I loved taking care of Trevor. It’s like I had my own baby doll, only that it wasn’t just a toy, it was a real baby I could play with.”

“Did you play dress up with him?” Harry smirks at you.

“I did,” you admit laughing. “I used to dress him as a princess a lot and he seemed to like it! My dad wasn’t really a fan of it.”

For the rest of the ride you listen to your playlist and talk about not just your but Harry’s past too. He tells you about his friends, what he was like in school and the mischiefs he did growing up, that drove his mum crazy sometimes. As you get to his hometown and he points out different places he used to go to when he was younger, you feel so much closer to him, like you’ve just gotten to see another piece of him that was hidden before.

He pulls up to the driveway of a simple townhouse and as you get out of the car you see the front door open and a woman rushes out, squealing in excitement as she runs up to Harry and hugs him tightly.

“Finally! I was starting to get worried!” she breathes out, rocking the two of them to left and right.

“Mum, don’t be dramatic. I texted you when we left and we got here perfectly in time,” Harry chuckles, holding his mum tight.

“You barely just arrived and you’re already picking on me? Typical,” Anne rolls her eyes, letting go of him. You round the car, feeling nervous to meet her. When her eyes finally fall on you, her smile grows even wider as she takes a step closer to you. “And you must be Y/N! It’s so nice to meet you!” she beams, pulling you into a warm hug as well.

“Nice to meet you too,” you chuckle, hugging her back.

“I’m Anne, but I listen to all versions of mum and grandma,” she tells you chuckling.

“Alright, noted,” you nod smiling.

Harry opens the car door of the backseat and unbuckles Izzy who has already woken up from her little nap and the moment her feet are on the ground she runs up to Anne.

“Grams!” She giggles before throwing herself into Anne’s arms who picks her up happily.

“Hi baby, you grew so much! I missed you!” she sighs as the little girl cuddles into her neck.

“Missed you too, Grams. I brought my new toys, do you want to play with them?”

“Of course! We’ll have all the time to play this week,” Anne smiles down at her. “Alright, come on in. Lunch is almost ready.”

Harry grabs Izzy’s things from the car and you all head inside. The house smells good from the cooking food in the kitchen and it’s such a cozy home, you can definitely see Harry growing up here. Above the fireplace in the living room there are a bunch of photos framed on the wall, most of them are from Harry and Gemma, but there are some more of other relatives as well, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It seems like Harry has a big family.

Harry unpacks Izzy’s stuff in her room that used to be Gemma’s apparently, he is telling Anne all about everything she needs to know about Izzy’s routines and she is listening patiently, though you’re sure she is more than capable of taking care of her. After all, she raised two amazing children already.

While Izzy shows Anne all her toys she’s brought with herself, Harry takes your hand and pulls you out of the room just to go into another one. Walking in you immediately realize that it must have been his once upon a time.

“You know, I can see your younger version in here, the one I saw in the photos downstairs,” you smirk at him, looking around. There are some old posters and pictures still littering the walls, stickers are covering the side of his wardrobe and dresser, some of them are partially ripped off already, he probably tried to get rid of them once he got older, but miserably failed.

“Yeah? I was pretty cute, right?” he smirks, so full of himself.

“I liked the curly Justin Bieber hairstyle,” you tease him and he gives you an “are you for real?!” look to which you just start laughing.

“Justin Bieber had nothing on me.”

“Yeah, sure,” you laugh before he grabs your hand and pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. “Your mum is in the next room,” you whisper against his lips as he leans down, teasing you with them just lingering on yours.

“So what? You never sneaked around your parents before?” he smirks down at you.

“I did,” you admit.

“Oh, nasty,” he comments before finally kissing you. However it doesn’t last long, because you hear footsteps coming from outside so you’re quick to move away from each other, just in time when Anne walks in.

“Lunch will be ready in a few, would you two mind setting the table?” she smiles, oblivious what was happening just a moment ago.

“Sure,” Harry nods, rubbing his nose as his other hand finds your waist and he ushers you out of the room.

Izzy helps Anne in the kitchen while you and Harry take care of the table. When everything is done you all sit down and start the feast Anne was so kind to make for you. It doesn’t take long to see the snickering but loving dynamic between Harry and his mother. Anne likes to pick on her son, call him out for basically anything and though Harry talks back, he mostly just lets her tear him to pieces. With love, of course.

“Izzy, please don’t get whipped cream all over the place!” Harry sighs when it’s time for dessert. Anne has made apple pie, one of Izzy’s favorites and she is going generous with the cream on top of her slice.

“You didn’t have problem getting cream all over you when we were making cupcakes, daddy!” Izzy sasses back, making both you and Harry drop your jaws while Anne starts laughing at her boldness.

“That was an entirely different situation, Izzy,” Harry shakes his head as he helps her with the scream before passing it over to you.

“Grams, you should have been there! Daddy, Y/N and I made a mess in the kitchen, but daddy started it!” Izzy giggles, digging into the pie.

“Is that so?” Anne smirks.

“We were just… playing,” Harry explains.

“Oh, I know how you can get when you’re just playing,” Anne chuckles. “Y/N, how do you put up with two kids in the house?”

“I used to deal with fifteen at the same time, so two is not a trouble,” you smirk at Harry who just rolls his eyes, but you see the hiding little smile on his lips.

After lunch Izzy insists on showing you the dollhouse Anne has set up for her in the backyard while Harry helps his mum with the cleaning up.

“We both know your sister likes to exaggerate stories, so I didn’t believe everything she said about you and Y/N,” Anne speaks up as she is washing the dishes and Harry is on drying duty.

“I’m glad you don’t fall for Gemma’s vivid imagination.”

“But there’s one thing she got right.”

“And what would that be?” Anne turns the tap off as she faces Harry, sighing in relief as she smiles at him.

“That you look happy.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but then just closes it. He does feel happy, even if he is still struggling to accept it. Anne dries her hands and reaching up she cups Harry’s face in her palms.

“Baby, I haven’t seen you like this for a long time. And I know you think you don’t deserve to feel this way, but you do. And Y/N makes you happy, clearly.”

“Mum…”

“No, honey, just… listen to me, okay?” she asks and he nods, giving all his attention to his mother. “It broke my heart to see you so… lost after what happened to Maggie. And I know that it was the hardest thing you ever had to go through, but you need to move on. She would want you to do the same thing.”

“How do you know, mum? You didn’t even like Maggie when I first brought her home,” Harry points out mumbling under his breath.

“That doesn’t change the way you felt about her. I know you loved her and I would have never wanted anything to happen to her. She made you happy and that’s all that mattered to me,” she smiles with a tired sigh. “And I just want you to be happy again. Whatever you two have going on… don’t let go of it, alright? She is making you happy and you deserve that.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say so he just nods before Anne pulls him into a tight, motherly hug that he returns gladly.

“I’m trying, mum. I’m trying,” he whispers into her hair, giving her a squeeze before letting go of her.

You stay a little longer, Anne makes you tea and Harry soaks in the last minutes with Izzy before he is forced to be away from her. You know he is looking forward to spending some time away from his daddy duties, but it’s clear that he’ll miss her terribly too.

“Alright, baby. Be good and I’ll call Grams to talk to you every day, okay?” Harry tells her, giving her one last hug. Izzy wraps her arms around his neck tightly, her face squished into his neck.

“Okay, daddy. I love you,” she mumbles with a pouty look.

“I love you too. Have a good time with Grams.”

“Thank you for everything, Anne,” you tell her, giving her a quick hug.

“Oh, you’re welcome. It was so nice to meet you,” she smiles, feeling a little touched by the goodbye. “Come back soon!”

“I will, thank you.” “Bye mum, call me if anything comes up,” Harry tells her, hugging her as well.

“We’ll be alright, don’t worry. Tell Mitch and Sarah that I wish them the best!” Anne smiles as you and Harry head out the door.

“I will! Bye!”

Izzy stands at the front door with Anne, waving after you as Harry backs out of the driveway and eventually, they are out of your sight.

Harry falls silent and you don’t have to be a genius to know that he is already missing Izzy. You can imagine what it feels like to not see her every day like he always does, when he is so used to having her around all the time.

“You alright?” you softly ask, giving his arm a short squeeze.

“Yeah, it’s just… It’s the third time I’m doing this, but it never gets easier. The first year we did it I ended up driving up here four times that week,” he admits with a chuckle.

“Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s normal to miss her.”

“I know, it just makes me emotional,” he admits, flashing you a short smile before he turns his gaze back at the road ahead of him.

The drive back home is a lot quieter than the way to Anne’s. You play some music again and Harry hums to it sometimes, but he is mostly just deep in his thoughts and you don’t want to bother him, knowing well he probably needs some time to settle with the thought of an entire week without Izzy.

You get some takeout for dinner before arriving home and eat together before putting on a movie to watch in the entertainment room. One movie turns into another and before you could realize it, you’re dosed off on the comfy couch, cuddled to Harry’s side near midnight.

When you wake up something entirely different is playing on the screen since the original movie has ended long ago. Harry is passed out, his head resting against the back of the couch, one arm curled around your shoulders while the other is resting on his stomach. Rubbing your eyes you check the time and decide it’s better if you both just go to bed before you end up spending the night on the couch.

“Hey… H,” you softly caress his cheek before you brush his unruly curls back from his forehead. He scrunches his nose adorably before his eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings. “We fell asleep. Why don’t we call it a night?” you ask in a soft whisper. Harry sighs, nodding his head, squeezing you to his side before his arm falls from around your shoulders. You peck his cheek before pushing yourself up from the couch. He shuts the TV off and the two of you head upstairs. For your surprise, his hand finds yours on the way up the stairs, lacing his fingers together with yours.

You pad your way up to the second floor and walking past Izzy’s room Harry stops for just a heartbeat before he follows you down the hallway. When you’re about to let go of his hand to head into your own bedroom, Harry pulls you back gently, making you look at him with slight confusion.

“Do you… Maybe you could… sleep at mine, if you want to? Just a thought…” he breathes out, clearly nervous to speak what’s been on his mind.

“I would love to, but only if you’re sure about it.”

“I’m sure. It would be nice to… wake up next to you,” he adds with a shy smile and you notice how he didn’t say waking up next to anyone, he wants you to be there.

“Alright. Why don’t we both just go and shower separately and then I’ll come back to yours?” you offer, giving his hand a squeeze. Harry nods and leaning down he places a chaste kiss to your lips before letting go of your hand, going your separate ways.

After doing your usual nighttime routine you put on a pair of soft pajama pants and a simple shirt before heading back to Harry’s bedroom. The door is slightly open, the lights are still on. You knock on the door before pushing it open carefully. You’ve only been in here a handful of times and it’s strange to come here with the intention of staying.

Harry is standing by his dresser in a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt, his hair is slightly damp from his shower. As his eyes fall on your figure a small smile tugs on his lips before he glances towards the bed.

“Which… which side do you like sleeping on?” he asks and you can’t hold back a chuckle as you walk to the side that’s clearly not used by him usually.

Harry huffs with a smile before going to his side. You put your phone to the nightstand before getting under the covers, making yourself comfortable in Harry’s silky sheets. He sits to the edge of the bed, checks something on his phone before dropping it to his nightstand and he then joins you under the covers.

It’s a tiny bit awkward at first, neither of you really finding your place in such a new situation, so at first you just lie on your sides facing each other. Harry is clearly about to say something, he is just looking for the right words, so you give him all the time he needs.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he softly speaks up. “Not just because… I would be awfully lonely now without Izzy,” he adds with a cheeky chuckle. “I meant it generally. I’m really happy that you’re here.”

“I’m happy to be here too. Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” you smile at him. Breathing out through his nose he closes his eyes for a few seconds before his green irises meet yours again. Leaning closer he kisses you softly, just another way to tell you the same thing he just said with his words a moment ago. Pulling back he settles his head on the pillow and he pulls you into his arms, making you cuddle to his side similar to the way you fell asleep on the couch earlier.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“Good night, Harry,” you hum back, nuzzling your face into his shoulder, making yourself comfortable in his strong arms.

Harry grumbles lowly when his phone’s alarm goes off in the morning. He might be off from his daddy duties this week, but he is still the CEO of his company and work is calling his name. Sometime during the night the two of you got tangled up in each other. Unlike last night, now Harry is the one snuggled up to you, his heavy arm lying across your stomach, his legs mingled with yours under the sheets as you gently scratch his scalp with one hand, running the other up and down his arm across your stomach. You’re not gonna lie, waking up in a bed with Harry is far more blissful and satisfying than you imagined. Even early in the morning he has such an aura that sweeps you off your feet, the man was surely crafted by the gods.

“You’re gonna be late,” you hum, eyes still closed when he hits the snooze button and snuggles back to you.

“It’s set to when I have to get Izzy ready. We still have some time,” he mumbles against the fabric of your shirt.

You stay in bed a little longer until it really is time to get up. Harry’s morning form is so soft yet still breathtaking, even with his hair tousled and his puffy eyes, he still looks gorgeous and you find it slightly unfair how little effort the man needs to be this perfect.

Harry heads to take a shower and in the meantime you decide to start making breakfast while the coffee is brewing.

“Oh you shouldn’t have,” Harry breathes out with a thankful smile when he arrives downstairs and sees the almost ready breakfast and the smell of coffee hits his nose.

“I have all the time in the world this week,” you chuckle as you fill a plate with eggs and veggies before you slide it over to him on the kitchen island. You fix a plate for yourself as well and join him on the stool beside him.

“So… are you still up for the date?” Harry asks shyly, glancing over at you.

“Didn’t really change my mind since yesterday,” you chuckle.

“Would you be up to do it today?”

“So, eager, huh?” you tease him, nudging him with your shoulder and he just shyly shrugs, trying to push down his smile. “Today works fine for me. What do you have in mind?”

“I’m not ruining the surprise,” he smirks at you, sipping on his coffee.

“Alright, then just tell me the dress code.”

“Wear that lilac dress you wore to that birthday party the other week.”

You know exactly what dress he is talking about, but it stuns you that he actually remembers what you wore two weeks ago. He only saw you for a few minutes before you left, yet he still remembered the dress.

“Alright,” you smile to yourself before turning back to your breakfast.

Though you have a few extra sessions booked for the week, your Monday stayed empty and without Izzy roaming around the house you have to realize that you can easily get bored without her. You got so used to being with her all day long that now being home on your own is so weird.

You spend the first half of the day lounging at the pool, something you’ve been dying to do, but you were too busy with a certain little girl. Then you have a nice lunch and after reading the book you’ve been putting away for weeks, you realize that you’ve run out of things to do. So you text Trevor if he wants a ride home after school and of course he does, so after fixing yourself up you drive down to his school.

“Hi there, how was your day?” you ask when he sits into the car, throwing his backpack to the backseat before he buckles himself up as you back out of the parking spot.

“Fantastic, as always!” he fake cheers, making you laugh.

“Want to get ice-cream?”

“You know I always want ice-cream,” he snorts smirking at you.

You haven’t met Trevor ever since things become kind of… romantic between you and Harry, and you didn’t want to tell him over the phone, so now is the perfect time to break him the news. When the two of you are sitting on the terrace of your favorite ice-cream place, your paper cup filled with chocolate and strawberry ice-cream while he chose mango and cookie dough, you finally start the conversation.

“So, I have news for you.”

“Oh my God,” he breathes out, closing his eyes for a second. “Are you leaving the country?”

“What? No! Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know, but last time you said you had news for me you moved out from home. Figured it might be something similar,” he shrugs, returning to his ice-cream.

“Well, no, I’m not leaving the country.”

“Okay, then what is it?”

“I’m kind of… dating Harry. You know, my boss.” You have no idea why you felt the need to add the last part when he has already met him, but you feel a bit nervous. Trevor is like your best friend and he had a bad feeling about Keith when you started dating him, but you ignored it. If he has a similar feeling about Harry now, you are definitely considering them this time.

“Oh!” his eyebrows shoot up. “What do you mean kind of?”

“Well, we haven’t had our first date yet, it’s happening tonight, but things have… changed.”

“So you slept with him?”

“No, I haven’t,” you chuckle nervously. “We kissed. A few times and… we talked about where it’s heading and we both think it’s going to turn into something… more serious.”

“That’s great!” he smiles at you and it seems completely genuine. “See, I told you it’s gonna happen sooner or later,” he smirks coyly, before he licks his spoon off.

“You were just drawing random assumptions because of his looks and wealth, Trevor. But it’s not about that.”

“Oh, I know you’re not a gold digger,” he teases you, making you roll your eyes at him. “So your first date is tonight? What are you guys doing?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me,” you shrug with a small smile.

“Mysterious,” Trevor wiggles his eyebrows at you. “So he is finally ready to get back on the dating scene, huh?”

“Um, he is working on it. It’s a little hard for him, but he’s been changing for the better.” “That’s great. I’m happy for you,” he smiles at you. “Really, you deserve it after that asshole.”

“Yeah, I hope it’ll go well,” you smile back at him with a sigh before you return to your ice-cream.

After dropping Trevor off at one of his friends you head back home. For your surprise, Harry’s car is already parked on the driveway with another one that doesn’t belong to him when you pull up and walking in you find him with Niall in the kitchen.

“Oh, hi boys!” you greet them.

“Y/N! You are stunning as always!” Niall beams, pulling you into a tight hug right away.

“Thanks,” you chuckle patting his back. “What are you guys up to?”

They share a look and it tells you right away you are not supposed to know whatever they were talking about so you just nod smiling.

“Alright, got it,” you chuckle.

“How was your day?” Harry asks, hoping to change the subject smoothly.

“Great! Met with Trevor, just dropped him off.”

“Oh, how is he doing?”

“He is fine, struggling a little with math lately, but he is doing great,” you chuckle.

“So you have a brother. Do you happen to have a sister, maybe?” Niall asks with a coy smile and while Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, you can’t help but laugh.

“Sorry, no,” you tell him the bad news. “But… I have a good friend and I think you’d like her.”

“A friend? Do you have a picture of her?” Niall beams, already excited about it. Pulling your phone out you show him a picture of you and Heather so he can have a good look at her. You actually think that Heather and Niall would be a good match, she might even be the girl Niall would give up his bachelor life finally.

“When are we having a double date?” he simply asks, making you and Harry laugh at the same time.

“I’ll see what I can do for you.” You let the boys finish whatever they were doing before you arrived so you go to your room, unwinding a little before you have to start getting ready for the date. Around five there’s a soft knock on your door and as you call out, Harry pops his head inside.

“Hi,” he smiles nervously as the rest of his body walks into your sight.

“Hi!” you smile back, putting your book to the side.

“I just realized I never told you the time when you should be ready tonight,” he chuckles nervously. “Is six good for you?”

“Yeah, that’s great.”

“Alright. Then… see you soon, I guess,” he smiles nodding before he walks out of your room. You can’t help a small chuckle at how nervous he seems about tonight, as if he wasn’t still sure about your feelings for him, when you’ve made it clearer than daylight.

You get the best kind of jitters while getting ready for the date. It’s like you’re in high school again and your crush has finally asked you out so you want to look your best. Since Harry already suggested you what to wear, you don’t have to spend an hour standing in your closet, trying to find the right choice. For the makeup you go for a little smokey look and you do a loose bun styles for your hair, remembering the words your mother always told you when you were a teenager.

“A woman’s greatest and most secret weapon is her neck. Men go crazy if you show them your neck and they don’t even realize it!”

You spray some perfume on yourself and put on a pair of nude heels before packing your necessities into a purse that matches your outfit. You finish with everything just in time, a soft knock signaling that Harry has returned. Checking yourself one last time in the mirror you open the door and reveal him standing at the door, wearing a pair of fitted purple dress pants with a crispy shirt on, matching your dress perfectly. And the cherry on top is the bouquet of red roses in his hands.

“Hi,” he breathes out with a nervous smile and his gaze travels down your figure, a blush tinting his cheeks.

“Hi!”

“You look… beautiful,” he smiles shyly and your heart is fluttering in your chest. It’s really happening, you are going on a date with Harry!

“Thank you,” you chuckle softly.

“These are for you. I know it’s weird that I’m picking you up from your bedroom and I’m not giving you this at the front door, but…” he chuckles as he hands you the flowers.

“It’s really nice, thank you,” you smile, taking the flowers before moving into the bedroom to put them in a vase quickly. Harry takes just about two steps into the room and stops with his hands hidden in his pockets as he eyes every movement of yours before you finish with the flowers and let him know that you’re ready to do. He holds out his hand and you take it gladly as you head out of the house.

He doesn’t tell you where you’re going, not even when you try to annoy him and bully him into finally hinting something, but you should have known that he wouldn’t break. He has a four year old daughter who is constantly bugging him, he has endless patience.

When he parks down in front of a modern apartment complex you kind of get really confused, because nothing around seems like the location you’d choose for a date.

“Are you gonna kidnap me and keep me hostage in one of the apartments here?” you ask him with narrowed eyes as the two of you head inside, taking the elevator up.

“It’s not kidnapping, you came willingly,” he smirks down at you.

“That I did.”

When you’re at one of the apartments you are really lost about what he had planned and he finally breaks your suffering and tells you what’s gonna happen as he keys the two of you into the apartment.

“This is Niall’s place, he let us use it tonight. My mum always says that cooking together is a good first date, because food brings people together and you can easily get to know each other,” he explains as you walk into the modern, but definitely very manly home. “I didn’t want to do it at home, because we are always there, so… Niall was nice enough to lend us his place for our date.”

You see that there are two full grocery bags on the kitchen counter and the table is already set for two, you wonder if Harry was here earlier, or Niall did the work for him. Either way, it’s such a thoughtful gesture and a perfect first date.

“Where is he tonight?” you ask with a small smile.

“He is visiting his mother, for a change,” Harry chuckles, knowing well you thought he would be out with a woman probably. “He said he won’t be back until later tomorrow so we can even sleep here, but I thought it would be better if we went home.”

“So what are we making?” you ask curiously as you peek into one of the grocery bags.

“We are going to attempt to make gnocchi with some killer tomato sauce. And brownies for dessert,” he adds with a small smile.

“That sounds great, what can I help with?”

“Let me just quickly pack everything out and then we have to peel the potatoes, yeah?”

“Alright,” you nod, your gaze wandering over to the spacious living room. “Can I look around?”

“Sure,” he nods while he is already elbows deep in one of the bags.

Niall’s place looks like it came right off the pages of an interior design magazine, the furnishing is modern and more on the dark color range, but not too much to make it appear depressing. Right next to his huge TV there’s a floor to ceiling bookcase filled with books mostly about music and art and you realize you don’t even know what Niall does for a living. It just never came up between his heavy flirting sessions.

“I never asked, but what does Niall do?” you ask calling out to Harry.

“Oh, he is a freelancer music producer. Tried to offer him a permanent spot at my company, but he prefers his freedom, like with everything else in his life,” he chuckles. “But he is a good one, we used to make music together when we were younger.”

Just as he says that, you spot a picture of the two of them on the shelves and your lips part in a bit of a shock when you realize that Harry used to have long hair. Leaning closer you inspect the photo better and you feel like you’re looking at two entirely different people. Niall’s hair was bleached blonde which is already enough to make him like another version of himself, but Harry is definitely the biggest shocker. He was rocking some loose shirt with the top buttons left undone, his necklace with the cross pendant peeking out and though the photo ends somewhere above his knees, you can tell that he is wearing skinny jeans, something you never thought you would ever see him in.

“You had long hair?” you ask joining him in the kitchen. Harry’s eyes shoot up to him, then he looks in the direction of the living room, a smile tugging on his lips as he probably remembers what photo you must have just seen.

“Uh, yeah. Yes I did, when I was about 21 or 22.”

“I could hardly believe that was you in the picture, with the long locks and the skinny jeans,” you tease him.

“Yeah, I was a lot different then, but after all, it’s been an entire decade since then,” he sniggles.

“Why did you cut it?”

“Um, I was pretty new in the business back then and had a few assholes telling me that it’s not too masculine and all that. It was a time when I cared more about others’ opinion than I should have so I kind of gave in and cut it.”

“I’m sorry they ruined it for you. But I’m glad you don’t care about others that much now,” you smile at him softly. Harry’s eyes flicker down to his painted nails and ring-clad fingers and you just know what he is about to ask before he even speaks up.

“Does it… bother you? That I paint my nails and stuff?”

“No,” you shake your head confidently. “Not at all. I mean, I never saw you without them, but at this point I think it wouldn’t even feel right,” you add with a small laugh that brings Harry’s smile back as well. Stepping closer you kiss his shoulder softly before turning your focus on the food in front of you. “So, let’s peel these bad boys!”

It’s the first time you and Harry actually work together in the kitchen for more than just five minutes. He is always in control at home, taking over everything with Izzy and you know it’s a good bonding time for them, so you never even tried to push your way into it without their invitation. But now the bonding is all about you and him and so far you’ve been a great team. The cutest thing is that he brought you matching aprons to protect your clothes and you look like you are in some cooking show for sure.

You keep asking questions from each other while working on the food, Harry asks you some more about your childhood and teenage years and he shares stories from college where he had this friend group of five. Niall was part of the group as well and he said he is still in touch with the other boys, but they all do very different things now, the other three are already fathers themselves and live far away, so they don’t get to see each other that much.

You are making the little dumplings while Harry is on duty for cooking them, relentlessly fishing them out of the boiling water once they swim up to the top. When that’s done, Harry starts making the sauce while you take care of the brownies. It all works out well, everything gets done easily and while the dessert is in the oven you start eating what you just created.

“Mm, this sauce is really good!” you hum when you take the first bite.

“It’s my mum’s recipe,” he smiles proudly.

At the beginning of the evening you could tell that he felt nervous, not essentially about being with you, but probably because of the thought of going on a date in general. But as time passed by and he got more and more comfortable in the situation, you could see him loosen up and calm his nerves, so now that you are eating the dinner you made together and drinking a glass of fine wine, talking about anything and everything, you feel like he is actually enjoying something he was probably terrified from before.

When the brownies are done the two of you take advantage of the nice evening weather and Niall’s amazing balcony, moving out to the lounge chairs, munching on the dessert with the skyline of the city in front of you. At one point you start playing a game of would you rather, and after a while you ask each other the most random things, cracking each other up continuously. You don’t even realize and it’s already past ten, you completely talked the evening away, but you don’t regret any of it.

You clean up Niall’s place, leaving it just the way you got it, putting some leftovers into his fridge for him as a thank you for lending you his place before you head out.

Harry keeps a hand on you at all times on the way home, he is either holding your hand over the console, or rests his palm on your thigh above your knee, but either way, he just keeps the physical touch up always. Not that you mind, you are doing kind of the same, enjoying his closeness.

Arriving home you can feel a kind of tension growing, but not a bad kind. You want him. Your desire to go further than just kissing has grown immensely tonight, but you have no idea how he feels about taking it further and you don’t want to push him past his boundaries.

“Want to… sleep with me again?” he shyly asks when you’re going up the stairs.

“Yeah, I would love that,” you smile at him, giving him a quick peck on his cheek.

When you part ways in the hallway he probably expects you to do your night time routine, but you have other plans. Grabbing your polaroid camera you pad your way over to his room, knocking on the door, hoping he is not in the shower yet. When he calls out for you, he is standing at his dresser, the first few buttons of his shirt are already undone, but he is still dressed.

“I just thought that… we could snap a picture as a nice memento of our first date,” you shyly explain to him, holding the camera up.

“Oh, yeah! Okay, how do you... how should we…?” he looks around the room and you step to his dresser, placing the camera to the top of it.

“It’s got a timer,” you explain as you set it up and tell him where to stand so you can check if he is in the frame. When it’s all set, you glance back at him. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” he nods shyly. You push the button and step back to him. “What should we…” he starts, but you already know what you want the picture to be like.

Cupping his face in your hands you pull him down and kiss him sweetly, for the first time tonight. You’ve noticed he hasn’t tried to kiss you all night, being a gentleman, but you’ve been craving it since he showed up at your door with the roses.

He hesitates for a moment, but eventually curls his arms around you, kissing you back softly. The timer goes off and the flash indicates that the photo has been taken. Pulling back you smile at him before taking the photo from the camera, setting it to the side to develop. Harry steps behind you, his arms coming to curl around your waist and you turn in his hold to face him.

“Hi,” you smile at him giddily. “Thanks for today.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he answers softly, making your heart flutter. You press your lips at his, kissing him hard and passionate, like you wanted all evening. He is quick to return the kiss with just as much passion as you put into it, his hands finding your waist as he slowly pulls you with him until the back of his legs hit the bed. He sits down and pulls you with him so you sit on his lap straddling him, never breaking the kiss as you settle in his arms, his hands roaming up and down your back.

Your kisses move from his delicious lips to his chiseled jawline and down his neck, your fingers working on the buttons of his dress shirt. You want him, you need him, he is all you can think about and the taste of his skin on your tongue is making you lose your mind.

His hands move up your thighs right to your bum, giving it a good squeeze, making you moan against the crook of his neck.

“Fuck,” he growls, throwing the two of you to the bed, getting on top of you before his lips attack yours, kissing you with a demand heatedly. His lips move smoothly against yours, devouring you with every suck and lick, making you dizzy in the head with such little effort.

He starts kissing down your neck, through your collarbone and whatever is showing in your dress on your chest. Your fingers lace through his messy curls, keeping him close to you as you try to control your moans and gasps. His fingers hook under the thin straps of your dress and he is about to pull them down when he stops, breathing heavily against your skin.

Harry lifts his head, his eyes meeting yours as he is panting through his parted lips and you cup his cheeks in your hands.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me,” you tell him softly, knowing well his mind is probably racing right now.

“I just…” he starts quietly. “I haven’t been with anyone since… Maggie,” he admits in a whisper and your gaze softens on him.

“And I haven’t been with anyone since Keith,” you admit truthfully. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. I’m fine with just sleeping if that’s all you want to do.”

“No, I want to… I want to do things, I just… I’m not used to it, I guess,” he breathes out as you run your fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay. We can take it slow. Whatever you feel comfortable with,” you assure him pecking his lips softly.

“Is it… Is it okay if we just… touch?” He is clearly feeling a bit embarrassed to ask, but you will not make him feel bad for asking for whatever he wants. Pulling him down for another kiss you smile up at him.

“Touching is perfect. It’s all up to you,” you tell him and see the gratitude in his eyes right away.

Removing yourself off of his lap you climb back on the bed, pulling him with you until he is holding himself up above you. Your eyes meet for a second again before leaning down he kisses you slowly, taking his time with you. He is holding himself up on one arm while his other hand finds your hip, gently squeezing it when his tongue slides into your mouth through the kiss. Your hands move down his chest and you start unbuttoning his shirt until it falls open and he shimmies it off with a soft chuckle.

“Let’s get rid of the dress too,” you breathe out, reaching down for the hem of your dress, pulling it up until it’s off, leaving you in only your underwear. You’re wearing a matching set with a strapless bra and as you lie back on the bed Harry’s eyes basically devour you, his gaze running up and down your body several times.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he breathes out before leaning down and kissing you again, his hand cupping your side before wandering over to your stomach and up to your chest. He runs his hand over your chest, gently squeezing it, making you moan into the kiss.

“And you’re wearing too much clothes,” you grin as you reach down and start undoing his purple pants you ogled him quite often tonight. Harry chuckles as he holds himself up for you to work the button and the zipper on his pants before he takes over the task and gets rid of them himself, leaving him in only his boxer briefs and you have to hold yourself back from gasping when you see the growing bulge between his legs.

You don’t get to eye him for too long, because he is back to kissing you, his body pressing up against yours as you let your hands roam his strong back, his skin burning under your touch. His lips travel down the line of your neck to your chest and his hand snakes behind your back, but he stops before he could do anything with the clasp of your bra. Glancing up at you he gives you a questioning glare, asking for your permission.

“You can take it off,” you softly tell him nodding. His fingers are quick to undo it and a moment later you’re lying with a bare chest underneath him. His hand moves to your chest again and he kneads your breast again, this time with nothing between your skin and his palm. You whimper under his touch, you’ve been so starved to be touched this way and now that it’s happening, it’s hard to control yourself, but Harry doesn’t seem to mind seeing you react to what he is doing.

His lips return to your mouth and while he kisses you with so much passion, he slowly lays himself down next to you, so you’re facing each other sideways on the bed. He pulls you closer to him until you’re flushed against his hard chest and while your hand roams around his shoulders and back, his palm slides down your spine, over your waist until he calms bum, pushing you even closer to him. His clothed erection presses against your thigh and you can’t help but whimper his name at the feeling.

His kisses slow down and his touch loosens on you until he pulls back, seemingly just for air, but you can tell his head is starting to race again, spiraling thoughts taking over his mind.

“Do you want me to take over control?” you softly ask him, pushing his unruly curls out of his forehead. His gaze softens and he nods shortly with gratefulness lacing through his look.

He watches you intently as you push yourself up into a sitting position, he rolls to his back and keeps his gaze on you as you hook your fingers into your panties, getting rid of them before doing the same for him with his boxers. He lifts his hips up as you pull down the elastic material, revealing his hard cock to your greedy eyes. You want nothing more than to taste him, but he said he just wants to touch so you don’t try to overstep his limits, leaving this desire of yours to another time. Instead, you lean down, capturing his lips in a sweet, reassuring kiss that everything is going fine to calm his nerves as much as you can, while you place your palm to his lower stomach, moving down slowly until you find his hard cock, wrapping your hand around his length and giving it a few gentle stroke.

“Fuck,” he breathes out against your parted lips and you can’t push a smile down.

You kiss his lips, his cheeks, his jawline, everywhere around his face while you keep pumping him, spreading some of his precum down his length to help your hand move smoother. Your actions awaken something in him, he grabs your face in both his hands, kissing you hard before he pushes you to your back, becoming the one on top. He parts your legs with pushing a knee between your thighs and while you keep up with your motions, he gets down to action as well. One of his large palms runs down your abdomen, stroking your lower belly gently before it moves to your inner thigh, spreading you even more for him before you feel his touch on your heated and dripping wet core. First, he just teasingly runs two fingers through your folds, testing how wet you are and when he realizes that you are more than ready to whatever he has planned, he moves his thumb to your sensitive clit, drawing circles with the pad of his finger, sending a wave of pleasure up your spine immediately.

“Harry!” you moan his name, running your thumb over the head of his cock that makes him gasp and stop his motions for a moment before he returns to pleasuring you.

He buckles his hips into your touch while his fingers move down from your clit until he is teasing your entrance, just circling around it but not pushing into you. Rolling your hips you signal him that you want the teasing to end and he luckily gets the hint, slowly sliding two fingers inside you, curling them gently and it makes your eyes roll back immediately. He rests his forehead on your shoulder as he starts moving his fingers in and out of you while you try your best to keep up your pumping motion as well, moving your other hand to his balls to give him some of that extra pleasure and he seems to be liking what you’re doing, because your name keeps falling from his lips as keeps fingering you, curling his digits just the right way inside you from time to time.

“Fuck, Y/N, I won’t last long,” he pants, his lips brushing against your neck before he kisses the soft skin above your collarbone.

“It’s alright. Just want you to feel good, H,” you assure him, though you’re getting closer to your release as well.

“Are you close?” he asks out of breath, still holding himself up above you, leaning onto his other arm next to your head.

“Yeah, don’t stop,” you nod, turning your head so your lips could meet for a kiss again.

You can tell he is trying hard to hold himself back, to stretch it out as long as he can. A torturous look tugs on his face and you kiss his temple, wanting nothing more than to see him finally reach the peak.

“Let go, H. It’s alright,” you whisper against his skin and he whines at your words before you feel his cock jerk in your hand and he cums under your touch.

You keep stroking him as he rides his high, gasping and panting your name while he spills his semen onto your naked stomach. His fingers stopped moving inside you as he found his relief, but as soon as you feel him recovering from his orgasm, he goes right back to where he left it, desperately wanting to pleasure you as well.

“Harry!” you moan when he hits a specific spot inside you, tingling your nerves just right, your hands come to clasp onto his broad shoulders.

“Cum for me, babe. Let me see you feel good,” he whispers before his lips occupy your mouth again, kissing you with so much passion and vigor, your senses are starting to overload.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” you gasp feeling your toes curl and Harry picks his pace up, his thumb coming in contact with your clit as he tries to make you reach your high.

And then it finally happens. You stop breathing for a moment, the intensity of it washing over your whole body. It’s been so long since you felt this good with anyone, and just the thought of doing this with Harry probably adds a lot to the equation.

He slows his fingers down, but makes sure to curl them inside you every time he pumps them in, and you repeat his name over and over again until you finally catch your breath. Your gaze meets his, and you see a happy and satisfied shine in his green irises as he leans down and kisses you sweetly, pulling his fingers out of you gently.

“M’gonna get a towel,” he murmurs, pecking your lips one last time before he gets up from the bed and walks into the bathroom while you lie on his bed, totally gone and worn out from your orgasm. Harry comes back with a damp washcloth and cleans up the mess he made on you before gently moving to between your legs, taking such good care of you. He drops the cloth to the floor, not wanting to leave the bed again as he pulls the covers over your bodies, pulling you into his arms.

“How are you feeling?” you softly ask, pecking his toned chest.

“I’m good.”

Lifting your head you search for his eyes, wanting to make sure he didn’t regret any of it, but he seems calm and rested for a change. Smiling up at him you push yourself up a little so you can connect your lips before you snuggle back to his side and let yourself slowly drift off to sleep, listening to his steady heartbeat under your face.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[aipomtrainer]

Superpowers AU

“Probation” Part 1

Noah would remain in the headquarters with Harold for a long time after his incident that resulted in him joining the team. He’d provide little support to the team aside from what he could do from his room or the headquarters in general. Luckily, he had friends who would force him into a system of spending time with them (or suffering for not doing so later). With Izzy’s ability to shapeshift into insects, he didn’t want to chance not joining her, Eva, and Owen for their usual movie nights.

With newer recruits, however, he’d face some critique about his lack of contribution to helping gathering remaining former contestants whose powers should also be manifesting. In recent cases, there were now newer victims of Chris McLean’s show, Total Drama, that were also being affected and manifesting powers of their own.

Noah one day spent his time in the common room waiting for Izzy, Eva, and Owen to join him. He chose to relish the quiet while it lasted, but shifted uncomfortably when he heard the thoughts of someone familiar walking into the room. Hoping they’d ignore him, Noah would just continue to stare at the off television screen.

Of course it wouldn’t have worked out that way, with Alejandro choosing to take a seat next to him. Considering the last time these two even spoke was during Total Drama World Tour, Noah didn’t really want to bring up any bad memories. In fact, he was still in the middle of training himself to not become stressed over the past. He noticed the TV remote shaking slightly before he took deep breaths to calm himself.

Of course Alejandro would try to strike a conversation. Of course Noah would try to ignore him, because that’s how Noah’s always been. Not the best with his words, but also with a secondary issue to deal with. He could sense the items in the room that shook slightly with his discomfort. He could hear Alejandro’s thoughts asking what his deal is and why the know-it-all was completely ignoring him. He could hear a slight sincerity in the Spaniard’s thoughts about regretting the way their friendship ended and was hoping for a second chance. Noah almost couldn’t tell the difference between the other’s thoughts and his actual voice.

“Look, I know we didn’t exactly depart on good terms, but... I figured so much time has passed that we could move passed all that? Considering what’s currently going on?” he’d ask.

Noah would try to ignore him further, but it became difficult with the items threatening to float without his control. Suddenly, thoughts were starting to flow into his mind again, and they weren’t his own. What started becoming worrisome was when he realized they weren’t Alejandro’s either. He was starting to hear people who weren’t in the room with him, and that was a red flag.

“I’m going back to my room” Noah would stand suddenly, leaving the handsome Spaniard confused and... hurt?

One of the things they’d both have to learn about their new situation and having powers was that nothing was the same as it was before. Even if they could be friends, Noah would have to train more before it could even possible. All Noah knew was that self-control was only going to be much more difficult with Alejandro around, and if he wasn’t careful, he’d only end up having another incident.

~~~

I think I’ll just post a bunch of Superpowers AU things cuz I love the idea of them basically being in some Headquarters together like the Teen Titans and having to adjust to their powers and living situations. Haven’t really had to think of a power for Alejandro, though...

<3:AT430

[obsidiancreates]

Ed's Sea Cred

(Role Swap AU, with a fun twist later...)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Most Feared Pirate Of The Seven Seas. Ruthless, cunning, a pirate no man has ever crossed and lived to tell the tale of. Evidence of his exploits stain the seas everywhere a ship sails, the waters below filled with the corpses of those who dared approach his ship.

Edward Teach closes the book and sighs. Hopefully those titles will be his someday.

He tucks the book back onto the shelf and splashes the whole thing with lamp oil before setting it ablaze. The ship has been looted for everything else of value, after all. And Izzy told him months ago that luxuries like books aren't very pirate-like to steal. He'd be a laughingstock if he did.

So though he knows his mother would have loved for him to have a small book collection at some point in his life, he walks away from the burning shelf as the rest of the ship's corridor catches fire as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was a good raid, I think," Ed says as he observes the loot pile. "Should bolster our reputation a bit."

Izzy nods. "Maybe it's time we visit the Republic. See what's being said about you."

"Not a bad idea. Can pick up more crew, too. Think I heard a couple of them talking about mutiny."

"Want me to take care of it, Captain?"

"Yeah. Make it quick, though. Show that they're less than worthless and all that, I dunno. Make it intimidating."

"Right, sir."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay... so maybe he allowed himself one book. Just one. One book... about the most feared pirate alive. Already known as the most feared pirate in history, because none can imagine a pirate could ever come around more worthy of title.

One book, about The Gentleman Pirate.

Sometime he reads it before he sleeps. It's a short book, because there's no firsthand accounts except for those who left his crew on good terms, and they seldom said much about him, if they spoke of him at all. Probably to keep those terms as good ones.

It's mostly a collection of myths, really.

He never gets dirty, no matter how much blood is shed. He can destroy a vessel without ever boarding it. He can see an attempted kill coming from miles away and always avoids it and returns it hundred fold. Some say he's not even a man, but a collection of fine silks and metals always seeking fellow fine things to liberate.

Ed doubts it. But it'd be interesting if it was true.

He rarely goes aground, so only a few establishments have ever had him inside, and he never goes into taverns. No, he's a Gentleman Pirate. Such places are below him, of course.

Some say he's the ghost of an aristocrat who drowned at sea at the hands of pirates, and has become one as a revenge. Ed think that one's stupid, not even interesting like the living silk one.

He closes the book and tucks it under his floorboard. When he'd stolen this ship it was pretty banged up, and he'd left some pieces of it in disrepair. Both for the intimidating aesthetic, and for ease of hiding things. Knives, extra guns, extra rations... and his book.

Besides. He's only been a pirate for a little over a year, after a long life of poverty and servitude finally made him just snap. So the older his ship looks, the more experienced foes and new crew presume he is.

After all, who would serve under a middle aged man who became a pirate on a whim? Idiots, that's who. So to not attract idiots, he has to look the part.

Luckily he's got Izzy. Man's an experienced pirate, and a good guide. Even if he's harsh sometimes in his... advice. But a pirate's life is a harsh one, so it's tolerated.

For now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What's this?"

"Oh, just some gossip we heard at the port. Yeah, this one is from Jim, they heard there's some new pirate around making a big name for himself."

"Really? Tell me about him, then!" The Captain smiles widely, ready for a good story.

Lucius sighs and thinks. "Um... I think they said the guy is around your age, maybe a little older."

"Oh, excellent! I do hate seeing young folks get wrapped up in this sort of business."

"Um. Aha. I'm-I'm young."

"Yes, but you were already a pirate when we met. It's different."

"I mean, he probably was too, this guy. Not like someone just becomes a pirate captain out of nowhere, so."

"It could happen, I think, with enough passion, oh, and zest for adventure! What else have you all heard?"

Lucius blows out a breath. "I think he's trying out names right now? No-one really had a name to give us other than his beard was dark and he had like, a lot of tattoos, and some weird leather outfit with like, only one sleeve."

"Oooh, a rough-cut type! I like it!"

"What else, um... very fierce, apparently. Already has a lot of respect among most of the community, I guess. Good things all around, cold-blooded killer and all that."

"Really? Wow, and how long has he been around for?"

"Like a year or something."

"Only a year, and people already like him?"

"Yeah I guess, and um, someone heard they're on their way to the Republic soon."

"They are? Well, let's head that way as well!"

"... Really?"

"Yes! I want to meet this new up-and-comer!"

"What if he's um... a bit rude?"

"We'll deal with that if it arises. But I have a good feeling about this! Onto the port of the Republic!"

[phantom-ellie]

The Man who Forgot: Chapter 1

Click Here for CW Warnings/Full Chapter List

Our Flag Means Death fic for Whumptober 2022. Day 5: Hyperthermia.

Sometimes when I start a sentence I think of a brand new thing to say in the middle and start that

Sometimes, listen, sometimes, sometimes the words don't quite come the fuck out right but it's all there, right there, right in my head, if you could only see it instead of me having to

Sometimes I have to share a thought, and I have a lot of fucking thoughts, long thoughts, so many ideas, and sometimes I need to share them there, now, I can't wait for anyone else to finish

Sometimes I forget things. I turn around and they're gone. I can't put things in drawers, they might as well be in the fucking sea, man, in drawers things don't exist. It needs to be spread out before me. That's why I'm so fucking great at what I do. The world, the whole world is spread out before me. I can sail to and fro, I can pillage or take, I can go away, come back, I can forget.

Sometimes forgetting is the best thing about being me.

But not today.

Because I fucking forgot.

I had a lot on my mind, and a mind like mine always has a lot on top of it, you know. Overflowing with stuff, real brilliant shit. Everyone is very impressed by the shit that comes out of my mind. Except Izzy, Izzy is never impressed. Izzy doesn't want to hear about it. Izzy is so fucking boring.

Izzy had to go, he chose to go, he was going to hurt- he was going. I had to say goodbye. Izzy is my friend, after all. He helps me concentrate, helps me decide what needs to be done and what can be put aside. What skills I need to use and which ones are useless, but they're all equal in my head, you see. Everything has one voice, the same pitch. Everything I feel courses through me, fighting for attention. I've always felt too much, but I've never been enough.

Only recently I've been thinking, I've been thinking a lot more than usual. I've been thinking that maybe Izzy picks the wrong things to focus on. Maybe those things don't make me happy. Maybe there are other ways to be happy. Maybe I can just be who I am, maybe I'm just fucking fine like this, the way I am. Maybe I'm enough without pretending. It's just a thought, an experiment I'm doing. The experiment was going pretty damn well, before tonight. Or maybe even after the night started. I made a friend, after all. Someone who saw past the noise and didn't mind the focused me, the violent me, the successful me, and wanted to know the inner-me that I don't even know yet. But I wanted to find out.

Izzy fucked it all up, as usual. So he had to go. He was going. Those were the terms, and fuck, he set the terms, so he shouldn't be pissed, right? They were his damn terms.

So he went, and I just had a lot to think about. I had a lot to think about, and I could have talked to Stede but lately I've been a little afraid to talk to Stede, because I'm worried the wrong things will fall out of my mouth at the wrong time. I have a lot of thoughts about Stede. He overflows my fucking brain, sometimes, and I can't control it. Better to think alone.

Except. Except, I forgot. I forgot that his crew was useless. I forgot they wouldn't think to get him down. I forgot that they would wait for me. I forgot to supervise it myself. I forgot that he was even fucking there, because I didn't see him, I was facing away. And when I don't see, I forget.

Sometimes I forget to stay out of the sun. I don't burn too much, but when the sun is too bright for too long it can still be bad for you. You can get dehydrated, you can make mistakes. But I can handle that, I'm seasoned, I'm skilled.

So the sun is blazing in the day time, and I'm still thinking, still parsing through what I need to know, what I need to accept, when I remember that it's hot. And I decide to go inside. I haven't seen Stede in a while, I didn't join him for breakfast. He probably didn't want any, was what I was thinking, because he'd been gut stabbed. By my friend, Izzy. But Izzy wasn't really my friend after all. Luckily there's Stede.

So I turn around to head into the galley and fuck me, there's Stede. Still pinned to the mass. Sword sticking out of him and everything. Nobody got him down. I sure didn't get him down. I forgot. How could everyone else forget, too? How could we all forget Stede?

So I run down, I'm yelling at everyone, and fuck it's hot, it shouldn't be this hot this time of year. And Stede is wearing this black jumper, these black trousers, and he's just gone, completely out, held up by this sword sticking into the mast. And I'm yelling, I'm grabbing Stede by the shoulders, and he's fucking hot, and not in that way that creeps into my mind unbidden that I choose to forget about, but hot as in, holy fuck the sun is shining on him and he's pinned through the gut to the fucking mast! Fuck!

And I'm grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, and he doesn't open his eyes, not even once, which is bad. And I'm trying to tug out the sword, but it broke off at the end because Izzy's a moron, and that is bad. And the rest of the crew has no idea what to do about this or any fucking other thing, and that's very bad.

So I'm calling for the cook to bring his shit, his people-sewing shit or whatever, because Stede can't die. He's my friend. I don't have any others, everyone else is a dick. I'm feeling like a dick, because Stede needed me and I forgot. But Roach is coming up with his shit and I'm wrapping my arms around Stede and pulling him off the end of the fucking sword like taking a cooked rat off a fucking skewer, and he's just limp in my arms, and there is blood everywhere. All over me, all over the deck, all over Roach. And probably all over Stede, but you can't see it because of the black he's wearing, and fucking shit that doesn't help because he's hot and dying and this is the second fucking time I've almost lost him this way. It isn't cool.

I need to get my shit together.

Chapter 2