#even if there wasnt much he could do about it
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𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘 𝗙𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗦
pairing: lando norris x fem!reader
word count: 3.5k+
summary: after travelling with lando to the last couple of grand prix’s, it takes another driver flirting with you for him to realize his feelings
request: “i've been seeing clips of lando not eating and taking care of himself properly during this short break and max stressing out on the stream could you please write a lando x reader please, where reader is close friends with lando and max and takes it upon herself to travel with lando for the remaining of the gps to make sure hes well. maybe one of the drivers tries to flirt with her during one of the races and thats what makes lando realise he has feelings for her. “
warnings: sweating, talks of unhealthy habits, awkward flirting | what other driver to flirt with her than the one who flirts with everyone, sorry i’ve kind of make him look like a dick i just don’t know how to flirt 🤷♀️ not too confident in this one
You’d been friends with Lando almost as long as Max had. You’d been friends with Max for almost your whole lives ━━ meeting him when his family was visiting some of their family during the summer in your town and you two hit it off. You had known about Lando, but you didn’t fully meet him until about a year after the two boys had met. The two of you connected instantly. Both of you don’t know why, though Max had always joked that you two were each others person . . . and you both didn’t know, but he tried the trick the two of you into getting together. He could see the look in Lando’s eyes when he’d look at you, but he’d always make excuses. ‘She’s just a friend, I’m too busy with formula 1,’ etc. Max would just roll his eyes.
You were a bit more accepting to the idea, because you did like him a little bit. Though you didn’t want to ruin the friendship and didn’t want to interrupt his career. You cared too much, and would rather be friends with him than mess it up in a chance that he liked you. Don’t get me wrong, you’d had boyfriends over they years, but the came and went, and you ended up going to Lando or Max about another boy who broke your heart. Every time that happened, Lando swore his heart broke a little bit, but he never told you. He was never really open with his feelings, and that’s why you didn’t notice he wasn’t doing for awhile.
You had known Lando was stressed about this current F1 season. He always talked about it, not about the stress, really, just more about how the car was, the team was, and there was undertone that only you or Max could sense. You both kept an eye on him, but you had recently gotten busy with some stuff. Checking your phone had slipped your mind and you don’t even think to do it until you finally had some time to yourself and you ordered some takeout. It wasn’t until you texted the group chat that Max called you.
“You alright?” You asked him, mouth full of Chinese food. “Yeah. You?” You nodded even though he couldn’t see you, “yeah.” There was some silence before a sigh from the other end. “Usually I don’t get into his business because he can handle himself, but I’m worried about Lando.” You raised your eyebrows and set your food down on the coffee table and paused your television. “What do you mean? Is he okay? I know he’s been stressed but I didn’t think it was anything he hasn’t handled before. It’s Lando, you know?” You ranted, eyes drawing to a picture of the three of you on your wall.
“I know. I wasnt going to do anything besides talk to him about it, but he’s blocked me out. He’s been mentioning ━━ unknowingly, because if he did he wouldn’t say it all ━━ that he’s not been eating well. In the sense that he’s eating expired food that will get him sick but he doesn’t want to go out and not showering a lot. At first, I thought he was just over-exaggerating, but then it continued and when I’d ask, he’d push me off. I don’t think he’s well.” You frowned. “Where is he now? At home?” “Yeah. We’ve been streaming together, and that’s when I started to notice his tone of voice and stuff. I think the stress of the championship is taking a toll on him.”
“I’ll talk to him. I’ll force him to talk to me. I’ll see what we can do. And before you apologize, I know you have other shit going on right now. It’s also nothing to apologize for. He’s our friend. I’ll let you know how it goes okay?” You smiled, hoping Max was feeling better. Knowing him, he was. You picture him with his shoulders becoming less tense and him letting go of the ridge of his nose he was squeezing. “Okay,” he sighed, “let me know if you crack him. “Like an egg.” You both laughed and you ended the call.
You grabbed your computer from the coffee table and opened it, checking the time. It was eight pm. Monaco was only an hour ahead of the UK, and you knew he’d still be up. He’s usually is ━━ and he doesn’t sleep well when he’s stressed. You went on to FaceTime and clicked his name. It only rang a couple times before his face popped up. “Hey.” He greeted you. Even before he talked you could tell something was wrong ━━ his sunken cheeks, his pale face, he literally lived in Monaco, he should not be pale, and his eye bags. His voice solidified your thought. It was tired and strained, like he didn’t have the energy to fake it.
“Hey buddy, how are you?” He replied with an ‘okay and kept eating whatever expired thing it was now. “. . . Are you sure?” You paused before asking, not wanting to set him off. He paused as well and looked up at the screen. “Did Max put you up to this?” He asked you. He wasn’t even mad, he was just tired. “Lando, you’re not doing okay.” You softly told him. He was about to reply before his resolve cracked and he started to sob. You wished you were there to hood him, knowing that he was alone, and he was alone while he want okay. “I know, I know I’m not. But I’m too tired to do anything about it,” he hiccuped as he spoke, “i just wish you were here. I cant do this alone. I have to go back in two days and I’m not ready.”
It was at that moment you made your decision. You kept him on as you booked a one way ticket to Monaco. “Then you won’t be,” you told him, “I’m coming over there. Max can’t, but I can. And I will. You won’t be alone Lando, not anymore.” The man let out a sigh in response and his face started to loosen up. It was quiet before a small ‘thank you’ made its way out of his mouth. “Always.” You smiled at him. “Now, when I get there I expect your ass to be waiting for me in one of those stupid cars of yours.” Lando let out a guttural laugh, and he had to admit it felt good. “You got it.”
Lando kept his promise, and as you stood out front of the Monaco airport, you spot him. His face is scanning the area, trying to find you, but he passes right over you. You shake your head ━━ for a formula one driver, he can be oblivious. “Muppet! Over here!” His eyes finally meets yours and his face lights up. “Hey.” You greet each other as you hug. “Hey. Nice to see you.” He told you as he grabbed your bags and piled them into the trunk. “You too. Someone had to save your ass.” He looks at you with a ‘really?’ face and you shrug and get in the car.
You chat all the way to his house. It took a little while because when you stopped for gas, a couple fans spotted him and asked for pictures, but you weren’t in any rush. A rush meant less time with him. You also knew meeting the fans made him happy, his face may not say it, but when you three would FaceTime he’d rant with a giant smile on his face about the fans he’d met and gifts he’d got. You and Max always teased him about it, joking that he’s such a hotshot and ‘you’re so popular!’ but that’s all that it was, jokes.
When you got to his house, you only pulled a couple things out of your suitcase as you were leaving with him the next day. You showered, and then forced him to take you to the grocery store to make him real food, not food that’s been sitting in his fridge or freezer for months. You ended grabbing things to make Alfredo and headed back, putting music on, grabbing some wine, and getting to it ━━ though it was mostly you cooking and Lando almost hurting himself with the most random things. You didn’t know how he lived by himself.
After that, he still hasn’t packed his bag ━━ which you scolded him like a child for ━━ and helped him pack it. You think his neighbours thought it was a domestic by the way you two bickered.
“What about this one?” “I don’t know.” “Lando. You have until tomorrow, and at this rate, you’ll be going naked.” “People won’t mind that.” “You’re so gross. Get out of my sight.”
You continued to bicker to the point where you shoed him off with a wave of your hand ━━ he didn’t actually leave, just talked to you with a smug look on his face ━━ and you chose clothes for him. You were definitely telling Cisca about this. At the end of it, you two were giggling at the movie you had put on, drunk off wine and delirious after the loss of sleep. You didn’t even know you fell asleep until you woke up by the sound of Lando’s alarm. You had to wake him up with so much force it almost pushed him off the couch. “Wake up you dickhead.” You two were a mess of limbs tangled together. That was the closest you two had ever been.
It didn’t take long ━━ with you practically shoving him out the door ━━ to arrive at the airport and get on the McLaren private jet. You felt a bit weird getting on as you even offered to get your own flight, but Lando looked at you like you had grown two heads and replied with “Oscar’s girlfriend uses it, you get to too.” That made you blush. You didn’t think he realized how the words sounded. When you got in, Lily and Oscar were already seated. You greeted each other and you went off with Lily as Oscar and Lando talked about the race coming up with their team over a zoom call.
Though you had heard of Lily, this was your first time meeting her. She was incredibly nice and you two got along great, even exchanging numbers incase you wanted to rant about ‘how annoying the boys were’ with a wink. That was pretty much how the plane ride went, you and Lily chatting and laughing as the boys talked strategy. Both of you didn’t know this, but you and Lando kept stealing glances at the other. When Oscar asked, Lando’s excuse was ‘she’s my best friend, just making sure she’s alright,’ but yours was a bit different.
You had been showing Lily pictures of the three of you: Max, you, and Lando, and sharing stories before she asked “what’s up with you and Lando?” You paused and turned to look at her. “What do you mean?” She gave you a look. You sighed, “we’re just friends.” “In a ‘I’m denying it way’ or a ‘I like him, but we’re just friends’ way?” “The second one. I mean, he’s my best friend and I love him, but I like him a little bit. But I’d rather face it alone than lose the friendship.” You whispered that part, looking to make sure Lando wasn’t looking. She nodded, “I get that . . . But are you sure he doesn’t like you back?” “He burps in my face and eats my food. I’m sure.
She let out an ‘okay’, dragging out the ‘y’. Though Lily wanted to say that Oscar did that too ━━ besides the burping part ━━ she didn’t. She figured you’d eventually figure it out, or she and Oscar’s would give you the little push you needed.
You must’ve fell asleep soon after you put in your hand phones and put on your playlist as you woke up to someone attempting to pick you up. “Hm?” You asked, still half asleep. You heard a quiet ‘shot’ before the voice spoke up louder. “Time to wake up.” You opened your eyes to see Lando standing in front of you. “What a way to wake me up with a jumpscare of your face.” You mused as you got up and stretched. You were always a bit grumpy when you woke up and that’s why Lando wanted to lift you so you’d stay awake. “I will hit you.” He replied to you as you made your way down the stairs of the plane and on to the tarmac. “I’ll tell Cisca.” That shut him up real quick.
The city of Austin, Texas passed by you in blurry images. Usually Lando would’ve poked you until you finally turned to him and hit him in the back of the head, but it was your first time in Austin and he let you take it all in. When you got closer to the hotel though, that’s when he started to annoy you. You did hit him in the head when the car parked in front of the hotel, and Lily and Oscar heard the aftermath of that with Lando mumbling an ‘ow’ and rubbing the back of his head.
“I don’t even hit you that hard!” “Yes you did, I have brain damage.” “I’ll give you brain damage if you keep complaining.”
The four of you made it into the hotel and up to your rooms, albeit with a little fuss with you and Lando bickering, but when you got into the room, you immediately flopped on the bed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to a hotel with a bed as nice as this.” Lando looked surprised. “Really?” You nodded as you sat up and crossed your legs. “You told me Max payed for you for that one hotel in Italy?” You stayed silent. “Did he not pay for you?” “No, i payed for myself . . . At a different hotel. It’s not his fault though, I told him you payed for me.”
You knew you were in for a scolding when you saw his face, and you were. You tried so hard not to giggle at his face. He was halfway through a sentence when you finally broke. “What?” “Your face is really funny when you’re mad. You make a weird face.” “I do not!” “You do, ask Max.” “Whatever.” He continued and then made you promis to never do that to him or Max with a pinkie promise. You rolled your eyes and did it. After that, you two got ready for bed. You had gotten into your individual beds and turned the lights off when you spoke up. “It was a good plan though. None of you had a clue.” “. . . It was good. But you’re not doing it again.” “. . . Damn.”
You stayed with Lando for the rest of the US Grand Prix, only letting him go for interviews, racing, and media ━━ though you made sure to check on him during the day when you could. When you couldn’t be with him, you’d hang out in the garage with Lily, or you’d tag along with the other girls who were there that Lily introduced you to. You’d particularly made friends with Alexandra, you two hitting it off almost immediately.
You passed out almost immediately when you got back to Monaco for the next couple days before you had to leave again, and it felt like a blur. You only remember a little of it ━━ showers, movies with Lando, and sleeping ━━ before you were being shipped off to the next Grand Prix. You had no idea how he did it. You knew he’d been doing this awhile, but the jet lag was enough to hve you feeling hazy. You were sure Lando had gotten so many pictures of you sleeping and sent them to Max. There was one time when you woke up while he was taking one and you couldn’t get his phone in time . . . Though you did threaten to post an embarrassing photo of him during his teenage years if he didn’t delete. He showed you him deleting it, and the redownloaded it. You found this out later after Lando sent it to the group chat. That dickhead.
You were now in Brazil, two weeks later, heading into the Paddock with Lando. You offered to stay behind and let him have pictures taken of just him but he waved you off, joking that ‘you’d make him look better.’ In response to that you gave him the finger and walked in front of him ━━ thought you had no idea where you were going ━━ with his laugh resonating behind him.
You were excited for Brazil. You’d always wanted to go there since you were kid, fascinated with the culture and country, but your family never had enough money and you had been busy every previous time the Brazil Grand Prix took place. You had ranted to Lando the whole car ride there, him giggling at how excited you got. He didn’t find it weird or annoying, just happy that it made you happy. You hung it in the McLaren garage with the boys and Lily until it was time to start media, then you made your way to the Williams garage to find the other Lily. It was one of the races she was able to make it to and you had planned to meet up.
When you got to the garage, you passed Alex and Franco. You had met Alex, but you had yet to the men the new rookie. You’d heard of his flirty reputation from Lando, laughing at him. You eventually found Lily with some help and you two stayed at the Williams garage for a little bit before you both decided to grab some coffee. You talk about her career, your families, friends, and things going on recently. You told her how you ended up here ━━ obviously keeping some details out for Lando’s sake ━━ as you grabbed the coffee and made rounds around the Paddock.
It when you had stopped by the bathroom so Lily could go that you saw Franco again. You were on your phone when you heard his voice. “I saw you at Williams, no?” You lifted your head to see him leaning against the wall beside you, facing you. “Yeah. I was going to see Lily.” He nodded and hummed. “Are you here with Lily?” He smirked. When he did that you realized what he was doing. “No. I’m with someone else. A friend.”
“A friend, huh?” You forced yourself not to roll your eyes. You nodded. “Well, since they’re just a friend, do you want to get to know each other?” You were about to respond when Lily came out. You handed her her stuff as she greeted Franco. You were about to leave before you turned to him, “not really.” He looked like he’d been slapped in the face, not expecting that response.
Lily never asked, but you had a fleeting she knew what took place based on what you said last to him, the look on her face, and the quiet giggles she let out. You two continued to walk around the paddock until Alex texted her that he was done. She apologized but you told her not to be and tell Alex you say hi.
You weren’t in a hurry to get back to the McLaren garage so you took your time, strolling past different areas and looking at food stops. When you did get the garage, you saw Lando with an annoyed expression and you made your way over, bumping your shoulder into his. “What’s up?” He looked at you. “You met Franco?” You raised your eyebrows, not expecting him to know that. “Yeah . . . How’d you know?” “Oscar told me.” You nodded slowly. He seemed upset. There was a beat of silence before you realized what he was feeling.
“Are you jealous?” He spun his head around to face yours. “No!” You raised an eyebrow. “Sure. Sure.” You looked at the screen he was just watching, pretending to leave it as you noticed him fiddling with his hands. “Yes. I was.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, almost as if he was scared to say it. “Why?” He cleared his throat, “because he was flirting with you. I know he was.” “Why does that matter?”
There was some more silence. “Because i like you.” You opened your mouth in shock, not prepared to hear that. You opened and closed it before you spoke. “Really?” He took your expression in the wrong way and responded with a ‘forget it’ and moved to put his headphones back on before you grabbed them out of his hands and forced him to look at you. “I like you too, you muppet.” Now it was his turn to be shocked. When he repeatedly opened and closed his mouth, you grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him. It was weird. I mean, you’d imagined it, but you never expected it to happen.
When you pulled away, his cheeks were red and he had a sappy smile on his face. “So . . . Can I take you out on a date after this then?” You snorted, “well I hope so. I want to be treated, Mr. Norris.”
#emma writes#wcters 1k celebration#x reader#x fem!reader#imagine#lando norris#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x reader#ln4#ln4 x reader#lando norris imagine#f1#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula one#formula one x y/n#formula one x you#formula one x reader#formula one imagine#formula 1#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine
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maybe a bit niche but a ford hater justification that particularly drives me crazy is still when people are like "well ford should have picked up on a bunch of red flags in fiddlefords behavior and intervened before everything with the gun/society got out of hand" like even ignoring how insane it is to blame someone for not noticing small cues like that particularly when its made clear fiddleford went out of his way to hide everything (not like that would even be on ford anyway?? fiddleford is his own person) do you honestly think fiddleford was not in the exact same position with ford. they lived together
#we see so little of what happens from fiddlefords perspective but its made clear bill had no qualms about possessing ford in front of him#and its implied he was aware of this. he picks up on the likelihood of someone else being involved in the project almost immediately#like i just find it extremely difficult to believe he did not to some extent know that something was wrong#even if there wasnt much he could do about it
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my uncle (who 15 years later is a super anti-trans pro-trump guy) when i told him i was trans as a teenager: starts explaining to me that i should date older divorced women "because if they are used goods theyll just be glad anyone is willing to take them, which is how (2007 version of the phrase 'low value men') like us get 9s and 10s, ive NEVER dated below a 7, hot girls get desperate when they're older" --(coincidentally we stopped to eat and even though i was not attempting to pass i walked into the womens bathroom and a man saw me doing it and GRABBED ME and scolded me and tried to push me towards the men room and i froze up, squeaked, hurried into the womens room, he went and got a manager, i had to go 'no im a girl' like it was.. not fun! a very BAD first accidental passing situation! i only felt miserable embarrassed and in danger. )
a year or so later, coming out to my dad id only recently met as being a 16ish year old Lesbian (because i didnt trust him enough to come out as trans): 'oh okay, cool, lets go to hooters and oggle the waitresses, they are hot but stupid haha, i like stupid girls the most (note, his gf was 20 years younger than him) but id FUCK Sarah Palin, im only going to vote for Mccain just because Palin is HOT, hey did you hear they made a porn of her lookalike? yeah i know she hates gay people (and you are gay) but who cares, shes fUCKABLE i dont care what shes SAYING i just care about her BOOBS'
when i was about 18 during the training week for my first ever job at krogers i managed to pass without realizing it until the dudes invited just me (not the 1 girl) to eat lunch with them and just IMMEDIATELY started talking about fucking girls, girls being worthless if they were ugly and 'if theyre ugly just fuck em in the mouth hahaha' and HEY you know what i did NOT feel liek one of the boys, i felt like i was IN DANGER if they clocked me!! i did not feel like id gotten a special pass to the Fun Misogyny World where id get paid more, i was a 5'2" spotty teen boy working his first ever job as a grocery bagger who was now kind of scared his new coworkers might kill him, because ALL id done to pass was have short hair, be naturally kinda ugly, and have a gender-neutral nickname. none of my bosses thought i was a guy, they could find out at any second (as soon as we got back from lunch, evern) , that i was a worthless ugly girl that had invaded their space for their private conversatoin and maybe theyd decide to to show me what they meant!!!???
i have pretty much never managed to pass Ever Again after that point as far as i know, just a handful of times where a service worker went 'sir' to me, so these are pretty much the only times ive ever passed and it wasnt super fun!! so like!! maybe if youre a big huge strong tough trans guy with a spine of steel, complete confidence in your ability to pass and defend yourself, are in a highpowered/skilled enough environment to not worry about your job opportunities, maybe in that case invitations to the Fun Special Misogyny Club are being handed out even if you disclose that youre trans and hey, maybe its even fun to be there! ... but acting like thats the DEFAULT is just insane.
I'm this close to just sending that trans inclusive radical misogynist post, the one about how there's loads of guys who'll go "oh, you're a man now, great, come shit talk women with us" to every blog insisting that trans men can't have male privilege and it's transandrophobia to say they do. Not every trans man has this experience but it's actually pretty common even for out trans men to be seen as, if not "real" men depending on who you ask, certainly non-women, and encouraged to perform misogyny as part of their social transition.
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Simon, who never wanted a dog. He didn't mind dogs, always stopping to give them a quick pat on the side, and he didn't mind his friends' dogs coercing him to toss a ball for a couple of hours. He just never envisioned himself owning a dog. He spent too much time away from home, and god forbid if anything happened to him, who would even take his dog?
Still, despite all of his unanswered questions, when he met the tan, leggy stray on a mission that followed him around like he already owned it, he couldn't help but feed it scraps from his dinner, let it sit too close, talk to it whenever everyone else went to bed.
It wasn't a cute dog. Its body was nicked with tiny scars from its time spent on the streets, and Simon was well aware of the bugs running through its scruffy fur. Its legs were far too tall for its body, accompanied by a small, pointed head with ears too big that stood up when something caught its eye, or drooped comically low when he was relaxed.
Price complained relentlessly about the “damn dog” that followed Simon to every dinner, whining and scratching at the door when they went to bed, always under their feet while he was trying to walk around the base. It wasn’t until he walked into the showers, making eye contact with Simon and Gaz knelt on the floor, the damn dog enjoying the last remnants of hot water and the empty box of flea medicine tilted against the wall that he knew it was a losing battle, the dog was going to stick around.
Simon, who didn't want a dog, but spent more money than he had on anything else to bring it home, buy it a nice bed, and a thick leather collar.
It wasn’t until he stood in the vet's office, watching you run the metal tag through the engraving machine with his information on it that he realized the dog was his. Simon told himself he came here because you were nice to his dog, not commenting on his unique looks or bad behaviors, and how your eyes didn't linger on the dog's scars (or his, foregoing the masks when he did stop in.)
You, of course, didn't mind Simon’s gruff exterior, the way he mumbled ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to your questions, but talked extensively when it came to his dog.You laughed at the way Simon’s nose crinkled when you discussed neutering, or different training methods. You said nothing when Simon would always answer “Not my dog, just a stray.”, but always paid for the best food, treats, and care, almost as if he was convincing himself the dog wasnt going to stick around (because what did in Simon’s life?)
You especially didn't mind when Simon brought up boarding, stating he had to leave for a few weeks. You jumped at the chance, determined to show him that his dog could learn just a few house manners. You let him drop the dog off at your home, gave him access to the cameras, let him survey the yard.
And if you had known, you wouldn't have minded the late nights Simon was halfway across the world, laying on some shitty bed with security cameras pulled up, watching the dog- his dog- take its signature 3 circles before plopping down on the outdoor couch next to you.
It was for the dog, he told himself. It definitely didn't have to do with the too tight, too short christmas pajamas you wore in, yes, June, (he had to check the calendar, feeling like he had somehow missed 6 months of the year.) It didn't have to do with the way your fingers lazily dragged over the dog's fur, or the way you pinched the bridge of your nose when the dog tore up another cushion Simon would replace.
Simon’s thumb punched the side of the phone, the screen darkening as he laid it against his chest, eyes staring up at the darkened ceiling.
It was just about the dog.
#ghost cod#johnny soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#task force 141#ao3#ao3 fanfic#call of duty#cod#cod mw2#john price#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon x reader#simon ghost riley#johnny soap mctavish x you#johnny soap mctavish x reader#john price x reader#captain john price#john soap mactavish#john soap mctavish x reader#john soap mctavish x you#soap cod#soap x reader#soap call of duty#soap mw2#kyle gaz x you#gaz#gaz x reader#gaz x you
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so! that scene! here's my take on it.
here's the thing. that happened before the bloody bridge went down and the last of their allies died. that happened after ludinus threw ruidisborn at the hallowed cage who werent liliana and wasted time - he wanted her alive and he wanted her as long as possible. that happened when ludinus could have lured imogen to be the vessel without giving in to the hunger at his neck. that happened when he knows he cant be the vessel. that was the least strategic decision he ever could have made to my eyes.
the way matt evoked the imagery of ludinus with his head turned away, then doubled it with the imagery of his funnel glowing. shame. breaking of fellowship.
liliana. oh liliana. he felt betrayed by her for choosing her daughter as she always would. and because he presumably hinged his dreams and deepest secrets and hope on her, he shattered. i think we've hit the point he's lost his mind. this isnt strategic, this is emotional.
predathos ascension wont break him; it already happened. he would always have allowed himself to be its vessel even if it killed him but now he will burn up because he has no one to live for. no one is really on his side; he hates the weavemind, he hates zathuda, he hates otohan, it was always him. and then it was him and liliana.
and now it's just him. him again! again! afuckinggain! he will die "a thousand times over" for the cause because no one fucking else is there at the end but him! i dont think he wants to be a god and i think the notion of what hes about to do will ensure a death wish of his own before acknowledging he has power over anyone (even as he stands over lili) - hell, i think this has deadened him utterly anyway. but he will do it. he, who feels betrayed, trapped by traitors around him, a predator and beast far hungrier than the woman he trusted ever was. he feels like he is the ungod. i dont know if this was always the plan, to eat her, but whether it was or wasnt, this is done with utter betrayal, not trust. it was supposed to be trust. it was supposed to be an intimate, final death. i think about the look of grief on his face when they asked why he needed a temult. there was anguish. and now it is so, so, so, so, so much worse.
liliana may have betrayed him for his daughter. but she didnt choose him once and he will unravel her. the tragedy. the horror. the unfathomable sadness of it. what could have been.
#van speaks#cr spoilers#critical role meta#critical role#campaign 3#ludinus da'leth#liliana temult#💙🔴#Talk To Me About Daleth And The Temults Im Losing My Mind
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constantly thinking abt the long quiet and the shifting mound and their relationship w humanity. because the two are very much not mortal and even in the what happens next ending its very ambiguous if they ever WILL be or Can be. but even still they have both felt what its like to be mortal
i feel like its vague if the entity the two used to be even percieved its own existence. the way the narrator talks about it makes it seem like the two only existed conceptually and as a result lacked a complete sense of identity, and didnt need to, and wouldnt want to. but in the same way a thought cannot be unthought, the narrator gave them a glimpse into what it felt like to be mortal and the two can never un-know it, even if it wasnt exactly the same
the long quiet in particular seems especially tied to humanity and in some aspects seems to want to BE human (which feels so potent given how decidedly Not human he is). the game tends to imply that every option you get is a thought he DOES have, and in the spaces between, the choices dont seem as influenced by a given voice, which highlights even more how much he feels conflicted on his own nature that he gets Multiple options to express discomfort with himself being a god
it just gets to me how one of the options during the fight is literally "appeal to your shared humanity". because even if the two are gods, their separation and reshaping has given them humanity that they can never un-feel. for how much the shifting mound grieves what she once was, she cannot will her humanity away. shes mourning what the two of them once was and is desperate to have it back at any cost, even though they can never be together how they once were.
even if the long quiet goes with her, theyre still apart and lack balance, because the two once just Were and werent two parts. they werent both halves, they werent two concepts, they were just one concept that happened to, by human eyes, consist of two halves. and the narrators insertion of humanity into the mix in order to separate them, separating them into concepts that humans understood, manually put into existence a struggle for equilibrium where that balance had simply Existed
but theyve already perceived what felt like reality and can never un-see it. they were separated and Need the other to feel whole and for reality to BE whole but the moment that either of them realized their own free will, the moment the two fully came to feel like people, they could never be together the same way once again
im struggling to come up with a metaphor that isnt silly but its like if you took a piece of fabric and cut it in two and made them both into shirts. youve added a piece of humanity into them and doing so cost its original form. to take them apart and try to put them back together would never get you the original, whole piece of fabric back, because theyve been completely changed by their own unique destruction and reconstruction
they were separated in a way that gave them humanity that they have such conflicting feelings on. both seem to have a deep love of humanity but vastly different ideas on what humanity needs to thrive, because its in their natures
in order to get one to kill the other the narrator let the long quiet interpret the both of them as mortal. and for a being of perception and an god thats being lied to, this became part of their limited view of the world, on top of all the other reasons that the two gained humanity. the long quiet couldnt be told what to do if he didnt have the ability to potentially act on the narrators desires, and the shifting mound could never die if the long quiet didnt believe her to be capable of death
the narrator gave the two humanity and the shifting mound is very reasonably distressed by this. because the two of them never asked for this but they cant undo it. it is her OWN subtle desire for things to be the same as they used to be, her own piece of that stagnation that also led to her experiencing humanity, that makes her so adamant during the fight. she misses the long quiet and wants to undo a change that cannot be undone in search of a constant state of being that was taken from her
and the long quiet felt so closely tied to mortality, both its existence and absence, that no matter what, he wants to aid humanity. but hes been lied to and denied autonomy to the point where he doesnt know what that entails. but he wants to be a part of it. he was given fake mortality and cant seem to figure out how he feels
the shifting mound is set in how she feels it best to aid in the existence of life. she is stagnant in her feelings because its all that feels right to her. the long quiet is ever-shifting in how he feels it best to aid in the existence of life. he is changing in his feelings because its all that feels right to him
getting to the heart of the shifting mound allows them a moment to discuss it as the closest they can get to mortals. the two care about their impact on life and what it means to be alive and what better way for the two of them to truly decide what they want to do about it, outside of the conflict thats been forced between them, than as the mortals they never were?
#slay the princess#long post#under a cut but i figure i should still tag that#waxing poetic about this is fun. i think about them every single day#i cant word it well either but something something stagnation as a representation of humanity#and the long quiet is mostly humanity with a small bit of divinity#and the shifting mound is mostly divinity with a small bit of humanity#and no words can describe what they are because they arent mortal but theyve felt too much of humanity to just be conceptual anymore either#but they arent both. they arent both or neither or just one or the other. theyre their own things that cant be explained with words#(not humanity in a literal sense either. idk how to word it)#(more metaphorical humanity)#but it makes them both people. but also not both people. but they can never not be people anymore. but they can never be not gods anymore#anyway. i lost the plot a few times i just get emotional thinking abt their relationship w humanity#i hope this makes any sense bc ive spent over an hr typing it because i got excited and once the words are out of my brain i forget them
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ଳ⋆。˚𖦹 caught in the current of you — 08 , there’s other fish in the sea!?
warnings ! love triangle? bipod? angle? Idk!! ; two people liking the same person basically :3
word count , 300<
leehan’s been restless all day—the situation from yesterday, the chemistry project, and how you haven’t talked to him like how u used to in weeks. the notifications from social media didn’t help—every time he saw his best friend’s name pop up under one of your posts, his jaw clenched a little tighter, he swears he could feel his teeth get loosening up, yikes..
his day was a blur. notes from chemistry were barely legible, his lunch sat untouched, and he hadn’t been able to sit still for more than five minutes
what did i do wrong? he wondered for the millionth time
by the time he finally caved and checked twitter, it was worse than he thought. the first thing on his timeline? a picture of you, commented by? taesan.
leehan’s jaw tightened instinctively, his thumb hovering over the notification before pressing it. the comment was simple—a playful joke that made you laugh, judging by your quick reply
what the hell was he even doing on her page?
“what’s up with you” woonhak’s voice broke through his thoughts as he dropped into the seat across from him in the library. “you’ve been restless all day.. let me guess… yn?”
he flinched, but he couldn’t deny it—not even if he wanted to.
“look,” he continued, leaning forward, “you can either keep sulking or actually talk to her,” woonhak smacked his head lightly, “she’s probably thinking you don’t even care at this point”
“what do you think i’ve been doing” leehan rubs the spot where his friend smacked
the other man rolled his eyes in frustration, “not like that dumbass.” he takes out his notes, “talk to her about your feelings”
“oh,” the blonde groaned, exhaling heavily “it’s not that easy bruh. what if…she doesn’t feel the same way? what if she was just messing w me?”
woonhak snorted, “you’re actually dumber than you look, just figure it out before someone else does”
the words hit harder than leehan wanted to admit. he didn’t need his friend to spell it out—he knew exactly who “someone else” was… how did he know either way?!
later that night, leehan sat in his room, guitar abandoned in the corner as he stared at your latest post again. it wasn’t the photo of you that got to him—it was the caption
of course taesan’s comment was there too..
leehan groaned, running a hand through his hair. his chest tightened with a mix of frustration and something he didn’t want to name. jealousy wasnt a good look on him but he couldn’t help it..
and as much as he hated it, woonhak was right. he had to figure this shit out even before taesan—or anyone else—beat him to it
time’s ticking, lover boy!
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Man “Battle Nexus: New York” was a great episode but I do have one major gripe with it.
Like. Raph being paired up with Ghostbear? Makes sense. Works great. Works amazing, even.
Mikey being paired up with Meatsweats? Yeah that checks out!!
Donnie getting…Hypno…? I mean. I guess Donnie doesn’t like magic so it kindaaa works but Kendra would have been a much better choice to me personally. Maybe Big Mama didn’t wanna include a human or something…
And Leo getting…uh…one of the Sando Brothers???? Of all villains? Nah let’s be real, his main villain is more Big Mama herself (or Leo could be considered his own worst enemy lmao-). Hell Hypno would have probably worked better here considering their shared love for magic tricks and stuff, but Carl Sando????
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#battle nexus: new york#nah this will always be baffling to me#like no joke big mama really is Leo’s main villain so it makes sense that she’s not paired with him#given that she’s running this all#but giving him ONE of the Sando brothers?? not even both???#outrageous#hypno or even warren would have been better here tbh#at least there’s some basis there for both and either option would have been so fun#not that what we got WASNT fun it def was but the sando bro was the weak link because no one cares about him#and I would have killed for a Donnie Kendra forced team up 😭#Donnie also could have worked with Stockboy ig or hell even Repo tbh?#but Kendra is the much more interesting and fitting choice here for him imo#honestly though this post was made because I do NOT understand the choice of CARL SANDO#both of them together are forgettable enough#separating them gets rid of the one thing they even had#I remember watching and being like who tf is that#he’s got some funny moments but man anyone would have been better 😭#going back to Kendra and Donnie because I LOVE their dynamic#the result of their team up could have ended exactly the same as canon#only instead of Kendra not knowing chess it’s instead her and Donnie arguing about what the right move would be#and they never actually make a move because of it
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i cracked the code.
#believing dirk is the worst guy because its what dirk thinks of himself#ignoring daves bisexuality and think hes a gay man in denial even when he explained hes bisexual#believing john 'im not a homosexual' egbert is explicitly straight while he makes out with his mcconahey and cameron posters more#than he kissed women(literally only once)#believing that rose is an edgy psyhcotic little bitch when she was neglected. she speaks elegantly to cover that shes silly and a total ner#and how did people forget that rose also writes gay wizard fanfiction. reads Wikipedia. and her beautiful artstyle as a result of neglect#(and by neglect meaning having SO MUCH TIME to draw)#jake wasnt into dirk. he also told di that he didnt like how brobot getting touchy with him during strifes#but as part of the repression 4(prospit kids). he refused on changing the bot settings#what jane said about roxy being better when she was drunk. it was fucking sarcasm. its the least insane shit you could say to a best friend#all the kids have issues and of course people get mad over a girl being sarcastic.#when KARKAT said THE SAME THING to rose when she was drunk on the meteor nobody bats an eye#trolls are just grey humans that are bugs. he doesnt get an excuse for being an alien. humans were made from KARKATS BLOOD#jade isnt all silly girl and is so FULL OF HATE towards the trolls. she called karkat a fuckass (VERY FUNNY) to do her a favor#“jade would rather have punched karkat in the fact then had a pleasent conversation with him.”#“she viewed the trolls as rude mean and cruel. and even thought that nepeta was just making fun of her.#despite it being that nepeta just wanted to roleplay and have fun."#dred.loki#I HAVE YET TO ADD MORE. THESE ARE JUST NOTES#homestuck#chss
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We all know that Brooklynn owes camp fam a huge apology (yes, even if her actions were justified - you can be right in your doings but it doesn't erase the hurt you caused), but honestly she really owes Ben a massive apology for making him the keeper of her secret and for putting him in a position which not only made him feel like he was betraying his friends but also a position that made him feel alienated - with no way to seek help and advice, with no one to talk to despite being surrounded by his friends.
#he is a nervous wreck in this season#watching him in this season was really painful#and he did his best still and still even he knew that it wouldn't satisfy everyone in the end#he was aware of the damage that this secret could cause but there wasnt much he could do about it#my poor benny boy#ben pincus#jwct#jurassic world chaos theory#jurassic world camp cretaceous#jwcc
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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revamped looong mermaid orufrey au :')
#witch hat tag#orufrey#partial nudity /#about half of it is new the other half is redrawn from last year. Why would you rescribble some scribbles. Well it was bad.#i always underestimate how much i've improved in a year last may was questionable. also it's not even may any more so why mermaids now.#sorry if you remember this but at least half is new story. i'll just paste more explanation from twt....#first qifrey was cursed by EVIL WITCH eye taken and thrown into the sea#memory-less. then kind little witch boy oru found him on the beach & they became friends#they drifted apart after falling for each other bc qif knew he could never be with him.#oru walked on the beach every day for years hoping to see him again until so desperate he goes into the sea (on a ship?) & is dying#qifrey saved him with a kiss. they got closer &oru swore to find a way to save him that wasnt dangerous but qif knew hed need a dark witch.#(that witch was probably the one who cursed him..just toying with him...) in with the spell oru DOES forget him for real#even tho he needs to give Kiss Of True Love before qif turns totally blind for qif to stay human for good or become seafoam. but oru someho#the oldest magic is love..the ability to break through the curses of loneliness and despair. qif already did that for him#so oru was able to do it back later. he fell in love with him again..but also realised it was obviously him....well anyway......#originally the 'finding oru stranded like that guy in the little mermaid' was a separate au but it still makes sense to combine them#i dont want them to have not met in childhood...thats the orufrey thing....#im going to work on Proper drawings next instead of silly comics as usual....
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what if i said hal's mom called him "hally" specifically as a play on halley's comet, huh. what if i said she did that because she knew no matter how far he went, he'd always come back to her, hm. what then.
#and then he wasnt with her when she died FUCK#jessica jordan#they could never make me hate you#hal jordan#green lantern#empyrean posting#i do think it's extremely fucked up how they diminished and rotted her character post spectre. i actually hate it so much#i dont really mind the rewriting of martin as a /not/ absentee and abusive father (even though it cheapens the complex relationship hal had#with him what with the being his mirror image and wearing his jacket and becoming a pilot in spite of how martin treated him. constantly#seeking validation and love from a man who not only would never but then could never give it to him) but then going on to act as if jessica#wasnt his most important parent just by virtue of her being his only one for most of his life and going on to say she was actually kind of#bad because she wouldnt support him when she looked after three sons by herself and also begged the air force to take him back when he was#about to be dismissed is sooooo. god. it irks me so much. she was always there for him and she may not have been perfect but she did her#damn best and now they go around acting like martin was the only REAL figure in hal's life growing up because they understood each other on#some special cosmic level?? go to hell.#talking to myself sorry
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#p4#p4g#persona 4#persona 4 golden#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#HEY DO YOU GUYS EVER THINK ABOUT HOW POST CANON YOSUKE STILL CLEARLY HAS SUCH A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH NANAKO#the way nanako readily sits in betwn dojima and yosuke like its normal even though shes seeing her big bro again for the first time in mths#the way shes comfortable leaning over and asking yosuke things#like it wasnt even asking teddie even though teddie would be the friend like im just.#yosuke being a substitute for yu while he was going on and making sure nanako wasnt being too lonely???#playing the big brother role for her as well because he knows yu would be worried about nanako and that nanako would be left to herself agn#and i just. I JUST!! the game consistently keeps hinting to us about how close yosuke is to the dojima household over and over again#they did it in p4d when dojima asked yosuke to pass a message on to yu (when he could have just texted?? or called?????)#like souyo or not (in my case yes) like theres just so much evidence that yosukes kept in close contact#its not even as simple as just a matter of him chaperoning teddie because hes obviously hanging around enough#that dojima and nanako both trust him immensely#like. they get it. THEY ALL GET IT#!!!!!!!
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Truly from the depths of my struggling heart. Viva La Vida by Coldplay belongs to one Toshinori Yagi aka the one and only All Might.
Coldplay should just sign over the rights of the song at this point promptly too.
#the song just works on so many levels#cause yeah there’s the grander theme off glory days gone past#but there’s another layer of was; I really effective or good if the minute I left everything that I had built crumbled around me#because Toshinori was the symbol of peace but any peace that can’t survive without one man isn’t true peace at all#it’s a stalemate#hero society#should never have been so easy to collapse without all might#and honestly even though it was never really fully explored that was always a layer of the story I enjoyed#the ways in which a complete dominance in a field especially one as important as heroing can hurt just as much as it can help.#because if yagi had actually let people stand beside him if he hadn’t helped to create a space where other heroes could grow complacent#because all night was there. hero society would never have collapsed so easily without him.#it’s touched on but not a lot not dope if icalry about all nights dominance#it’s why I feel like if you watched the show and your geniune conclusion was that Deku should have become the new symbol of peace#then I just think we didn’t watch the same show#And don't get me wrong I'm not saying that yagi was wrong for saving people or using his powers to the max but it was touched on repeatedly#this kind of deep fear/belief that he had. That only he could save these people and if something happened to them it was on him.#Like every case could only be solved by him and it wasnt a pride thing if anything it was a trauma response same with Izuku#the tags for this got so long i swear i don't mean to do this😭#the symbolism#symbol of peace#all might#yagi toshinori#mha toshinori#mha#bnha#boku no hero acedamia#my hero acedamia#mha analysis#music#coldplay
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im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-
and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..
it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now
i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...
#ganondoodles talks#elden ring#zelda#in a way#AND it adds to me just ranting#and complaining#like i wasnt literallly a few days ago beating myself up about that#now i have the next thing#and its almost as bad as it was with totk#with the only difference being that i dont have the energy left to yell that much#and that its the second time now in such a short time span relatively to how long i keep my interests and how long it takes to find one#so in a way it hurts even worse#.... also when the whole thing is kinda bad then at least the whole thing is kinda bad#but here its like specifically my fav#and i dont want to and cant let him just .. go#but at the same time ............. its been so shifted around completely idk what to make of it#idk what the point was to make and present him like he was in the base game and then do such a turn in the DLC#and it feels less like he was someones important favorite nd more like most hated character#bc why would you do that to him like this#you can argue all you want about how it makes sense actually and wahtever but this is what i feel right now ok#what am i even drawing for anyway#what am i even thinking about any stories for anyway#why am i caring about anything anyway#i wish i knew and could stop
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