#even if she thinks im asleep (which sometimes im NOT) like. how do u not feel uncomfortable doing that

[brilliantpines]

ok but genuinely. why would you fuck someone in a studio apartment WHILE YOUR ROOMMATE IS THERE

[puppywilliams]

could you write about streamer abby 🥺

streamer abby

a/n: i literally love this au so much. i kept thinking about this req so i wrote this quickly even though its 2am °՞(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞° sorry if its lazy or it has typos!! lmk if u want more of streamer abby because id rlly love to expand on this au! im so tired so thank you for reading <3

warnings: Could be taken suggestively, size difference.

you have a simple life now that you’re in your early twenties, which is way earlier than you thought you would, but when your wife is loaded from twitch money whos to complain? abby takes care of you, you take care of abby.

she buys you pretty clothes and dainty jewelry. loving to see you spin around for her in a new outfit she had picked out and paid for herself. eyeing you up, asking herself how she got this lucky. if you needed something it was taken care of, if you wanted something, it was yours. sometimes she would buy you gifts just because she wants to treat her gorgeous wife. setting a gift bag down on the table and watching your eyes light up with curiosity.

when abby gets recognized it public it normally doesn’t bother you, it happens so much you expect it at this point, but that doesn’t mean you don’t watch where someones hand is placed, or how comfortable they immediately get with Your wife. putting you in a sour mood for the rest of the outing. abby watches you sulk the whole way home knowing you’ll get over it.

you often bring her dinner while shes streaming, knocking on her office door waiting until she lifts up one side of her headset and calls out “come in!” you walk in and set her plate on down carefully on her desk

“thank you, baby” she says softly and kisses you on the cheek. her chat floods as normal, not-so-painfully forcing you to sit in abby’s lap looking pretty and talking to her rambling chat while she queues up for her next quick play on overwatch. answering questions, saying hi to people you recognize from other occasions, thanking donators, all while abby mindlessly stares off onto the screen resting her head on your shoulder and wrapping her arms around you. her chats probably more obsessed with you than they are abby, but definitely not more than abby’s obsessed with you.

on some nights its late, and you’re watching a show in your shared bedroom. abby’s “working late” which is essentially her just screaming at the top of her lungs as she streams a horror game for the 5th night in a row. it echos the walls from behind you. it does bother you sometimes when you’re trying to sleep and she wont shut the hell up. but its worth it when she crawls into bed nearly 30 minutes later smothering you in kisses and apologizing for keeping you up. you love it, you’re addicted to it even. you’d let her scream every night until the sunrises for her to talk to you in that sweet raspy voice of hers you keep telling her shes gonna lose if she keeps it up.

she wraps her strong arms around your frame, molding you like putty. lazily kissing your neck. “i know its late…i’m sorry..” she mumbles into your skin so delicately. abby was always so Gentle with you, for a woman who could bench press you, she sure did treat you like you were made glass, like if she hurt you, she Herself would bleed. “‘s kay..” you mumble back to her. she kisses your forehead one last time before closing her eyes. fingers running through your hair as you both fall asleep. it was a routine, a beautiful one you loved. you’d do it all again tomorrow, and thank a higher power that it was possible.

[drunkenkissesatdusk]

Can u maybe do like a Damian wayne x reader where they're friends and all but sometimes they (reader) tends to zone out a lot and think abt a lot of deep ish things that cause her to make weird faces without even realizing? Like she's much more quieter than usual and when he turns to look at her, he sees that she's visibly very upset but for seemingly no reason.

Oh, and if u want angst, maybe the specific thing she's thinking abt has something to do with him so she's really annoyed and snappy when he asks her what's wrong? Like she's be thinking abt how rude guys in their school are and then it kinda reminds her of Damian. Idk🙈🙉

(*ˊᗜˋ*)ᵗᑋᵃᐢᵏ ᵞᵒᵘ

am i good at angst? no… will i try? absolutely.

NOT YOUR FAULT.

pairings — damian wayne - al ghul x reader (platonic)

warnings — i tried to write angst but gave up, that’s all (and the ending sucks that’s not my fault (it is))

summary — pretty much what the request is gangsters

notes — i don’t know how to write angst 😞

━━━━━━━ YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN THE SIGNS before it was too late. you were sleeping more, food was suddenly too plain, you were easy to irritate, and you felt like you couldn’t do anything.

but, of course, you hadn’t understood when they began, you just blamed it on stress, since you had tons of tests coming up that you were relentlessly studying.

at some point, your grades had started slipping, and your teachers didn’t miss that. you were forgetting to turn in assignments, and whenever you suddenly couldn’t sleep the night before, you started falling asleep in class.

multiple teachers had brought it up after class with you, and you were able to come up with excuse after excuse.

eventually, Damian noticed. Damian, one of the only kids who didn’t ignore you this year, your first year of high school. but, obviously, that wasn’t always the case. Damian had originally been mean, tormenting you alongside all his other friends.

Damian only noticed because of your lack of emotions throughout the time you’d spend with him. on top of that, said time was clearly dwindling.

“hey, hey.” Damian called after you, catching up soon after and walking with you outside, far enough away from other kids so that the two of you could talk without anyone being nosy.

“what’s going on? you’ve been acting weird the past few days.” Damian’s face was clearly concerned, which irritated you further.

sure, you’d been quieter recently, and you almost always had a sour look on your face, but why would he bring it up?

“nothing, im fine.” you defensively crossed your arms over your chest — also doing so for a little bit of extra comfort as Damian seemed to be interrogating you.

“bullshit. talk to me, i’m your friend.” Damian stared at you, face full of worry.

“nothing.” you reiterated, “i said i’m fine, Damian. i’m fine.” you put emphasis on your words.

“you’re not a good liar.” he stated.

“like you even care.” you scoffed, turning on your heel and walking away. you found semblance in the school library, in the back of the room where you doubted anyone would go looking for you in.

with the silence of the room suddenly hitting you, your guard was up and your eyes were relentlessly looking around.

you probably looked angry. if anyone were to look at you, they’d probably think you were pissed off. were you? yeah, probably. why were you mad? you had no clue.

inhaling carefully, you felt your body begin to unwind, your heart rate slowly slowed.

guilt and regret flooded your system. you could then remember the way you’d treated Damian.

he was truthfully your only friend, he hadn’t deserved that.

i’m sorry, you sent the message. i didn’t mean to be so rude, you sent afterwards. he read the messages almost instantly.

it’s fine, not ur fault, he sent back.

sleepover at mine? you asked him, gathering yourself again before making your way to your next class. he agreed, and the day went on swimmingly.

the sleepover was practically the same, nothing bad happened, and it was easier to talk about it with him.

masterlist — reminder that asks / requests are open!!

[sunnpii]

Haii it's @yourreality-mp3 's main blog‼️ do u have any Yuri hcs?:3😈

USHOUKD NTO HAVE ASKED ME THIS NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO YAP /silly

this is jus a doodle + a few hcs to have something next 2 the doodel.........ihave many more under the cut :3c ..........

- first off . autistic. hits her withmy fucked up autism beam (shes actually so autistic coded its absurd i cluld go on all day about it but we're not heree for that🤔🤔🤔🤔maybe ill save that for another post if u guys r interested) undiagnosed specifically liek she has no idea

- was definitely a weird kid when she was younger (probably creepypasta style weird kid specifically)

- as a kid was also the type to read/watch horror stuff without a care in the world during the day and then as soon as it turns midnight shes shitting herself playing fnaf 4 irl (she probably developed more horror tolerance as she got older tho)

- constantly stays up WAY past the night and into the morning, both accidentally and not accidentally (she has insomnia liek i put in the pic so a lot of the time she cant fall asleep at a reasonable time even if she tries. shes just given up atp)

- sometimes has difficulty wording stuff in a more casual way when she speaks, which makes her sound liek way too formal when she doesnt need to be. in social situations she has to like actively run what she wants to say over in her head to figure out a more "normal" way to say it

- not TERRIBLE at drawing but its not like her number 1 hobby or anything; drew a lot in middle school but doesnt as much anymore (i think natsuki would be pretty good at drawing but we'll savee that for a natsuki hcs post)

- witch perchance guyss do we fw witch yuri

- DEF was a """"gifted kid"""" (specifically in reading) back in elementary school and then got slapped in the face with gifted kid burnout in middle-highschool .noo im not projecting haha what are u talking about what a preposterous suggestion guards take him away

- the type to have an online persona thats like a millionbillion times different than how she acts irl

- dislikes april fools day

- favorite season is fall with winter in close second, then spring, and lastly summer (she cant stand the heat)

- owns Many candles. perhaps Too Many (im not sure if this is canon or not but i think it IS canon she enjoys aromatherapy so i think itd be pretty par for the course)

- and finally........ her fav color is maroon ^.^

[pathetickuroo]

fukutora hcs bc theyre funny

- fukunaga shohei #1 lover of badddd bad bad bad movies. terrible films. not good. we're talking sharknado snakes on a plane willys wonderland velocipastor that one thanksgiving slasher film that i cant remember the name of rn (dont think abt the mechanics of it being a thanksgiving movie too hard). generally not a movie enjoyer i think but most certainly clocking in for shit that is Not Good

- tora is baffled every time but definitely not opposed to it (this guy loves cuddling on the couch i think he hits the fake yawn arm around shoulders maneuver like. regularlyyyy and fukunaga doesnt even pretend to think its silly anymore)

- "shohei this movie doesnt even make any sense" "🤷"

- tora the hugger from behind of All Time he is finding any possible excuse. "u look cold" or "makin up for lost time" or "i have practice in an hour plsss plssssss just let me have this PLSSSSSSS" (he uses that one in particular a lot) (fukunaga wouldnt have said no in the first place) (he thinks its cute so he doesnt say anything abt it)

- repressed-as-hell hs tora did not quiteee know what to do w whatever tf he had goin on so he didnt get the guts (ha) to say anything until a couple years after graduation (which he then said over text bc yokohama -> tokyo = long distance)

- fukunaga conveys thoughts in as few words as possible (which is fucking awesome btw if fukunaga has no fans it means ive died) BUT in order to preserve the meaning it sometimes takes a second to respond

- tora did Not have a good time attempting to navigate this when he was trying to confess

- bro immediately started freaking out to yaku "DUDE WHY DID I DO THAT THAT WAS SO STUPID" "omfg its fukunaga give him a second. impatient ass" "I THINK IM DYING" "jfc"

- meanwhile in tokyo fukunaga was staring at "i rly like u dude" trying to figure out if tora meant like (homie) or like (w/gay intent)

- fukunaga only ever calls tora by his full government given name when he is Displeased. tora used the pan he needed for dinner tn so now he has to wash it? taketora. tora rearranges his living room w no warning? taketora. doesnt even say it in a mean/angry tone or anything j matter of fact as all hell. honestly i think if fukunaga was ever genuinely angry abt smth hell would probably freeze over

- tora does get extremely pouty abt it tho. "shoheiii what did i do :(" "the pan" ".......OH FUC—"

- when tora first moved to yokohama he got a cat bc of course he did he graduated from nekoma. tf else was he supposed to do, get a dog? (maybe in the future)

- very very fluffy very cute very sweet tuxedo girl. her name is "destroyer" (yes really) he calls her badass on the reg and she is sooo cuddly w him. fukunaga finds all of this extremely funny

- in fact when fukunaga starts visiting suddenly destroyer doesnt gaf abt tora anymore. worse than pain of death in his opinion it is So Not Fair. first thing fukunaga does after he meets the cat is send a pic to the old nekoma gc "top 10 cats that like me more than they like their owners" tora throws a pillow at him "i RAISED her from a BABY" "did u rly" ".....NO BUT IT AINT RIGHT"

- after theyve been together a few months toras thinkin abt how fukunaga used to Never Talk Ever and he makes a joke "ha i guess i learned how to speak BODY language am i right. right shohei. thats funny right"

- fukunaga calls him taketora for a week. tora retires that joke permanently and they never speak of it again

- tora morning person fukunaga not-exactly-a-night-owl-but-doesnt-love-being-awake-at-5:30 person. one time fukunagas in yokohama for the weekend he wakes up at 6 annoyed as hell (tora got up at 5 and left for a run) bc wtf his pillow literally got up and walked away. falls back asleep wakes up again at 10 tora made not only coffee but pancakes too AND heated them up for him hes immediately like ok nvm this is fine actually no complaints (<- still gets annoyed when his human teddy bear ditches him)

- TORA BABE SAYER. hey babe thanks babe i missed u babe. but it took him foreverrrrrr (forever) to get comfortable actually saying it instead of thinkin inside so there was also (and still is) a lot of dude (romantic) bro (romantic) man (romantic).

- fukunaga doesnt like saying pet names or anything (but to be fair does he like saying ANYTHING most of the time) but does not mind being called them at all (that's a lie he thinks it's awesome and so so so sweet but when tora asks if it's okay he says he doesn't mind)

[iluvshinytwink]

can u write for Jude when he has a nightmare where the reader tells him she doesn't love him and leaves him but when he wakes up she is not next to him which sends him into a spiral and freaks out looking for her not knowing she had left to get breakfast so when she comes back she finds him full on sobbing on the ground b/c he thought she actually left him sry if that was too much

Sweet Carolina - Jude Bellingham

"So don't write me a letter 'cause I'll always be right here. Closer to you than your next breath, my dear."

Now Playing . . . Sweet Carolina by Lana Del Rey

A/N: i LOVE LOVELOVELOVLEOVLE this request bro u have no idea, thank u for requesting and i hope you enjoy this!

im in extra emo today so yk this shit gon be detailed asf 🤞

The fact that your mind can harvest your deepest fears and channel them into reality by nightfall is scary, horrifying. The fact that sometimes you do not even realize that you fear it is what makes the human mind so scary, so unpredictable.

One day you could be kissing your lover goodnight and by the time you fall asleep, horror comes into light and no one will hear your screams, your horror, your pain.

The night ended in bliss, Jude held you close as he kissed your head. Jude remembers you giggling at his sweet action, he felt your breath push into his chest, your heartbeat slowly lulling him to sleep.

"Jude!" an echoed voice called out. Jude looked around, his surroundings black, empty. "Jude!" the same voice called out again, he realized that this was your voice. His eyes look around in panic, not knowing where this voice is coming from. He swallows a lump in his throat, trying to calm himself down. "Jude?" you called again, but this time it was audible, he could hear it clearly, like you were behind him. He looks at his back in a flash and there you were, standing.

Jude feels a sigh of relief escape his lips. "You scared me." Jude smiled. "Jude, you have to face it." you said. "What? What do you mean?" Jude asked. "You have to realize that I don't love you." you looked into his eyes and he looked back at yours. Your eyes were dull, lifeless, emotionless in a way. His eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What do you.. mean?" he repeated, this time his voice was weaker. "I don't love you, Jude. You need to realize that." you shrugged, walking around him. His mouth gaped open, trying to find a response other than the response he just gave.

"I never loved you." you coldly said. Jude's eyes sting of tears, he couldn't see nor think straight.

Then, you disappear.

Jude backs up, trying to collect his thoughts-- trying to differentiate false from true.

"Jude." your voice calls out. Jude flinches. "We need a break." you plainly said. His eyes wandered, trying to look at anything but you. "Look at me." you demanded. Jude's eyes paused on yours. "Maybe not a break.. maybe permanently." you looked down at the floor.

As quickly as you joined his nightmare, you left.

He fumbles to the ground, not knowing what to do, not knowing what to think. Tears stained his cheeks and every memory he had with you suddenly flashed in mind. Were those fake? Were those just forced smiles, forced laughs, forced kisses? Did you really not think of him like how he thinks of you? Did you really not feel what he feels? Did you really not love him?

Jude's eyes shot open, a series of panicked breaths leaving his mouth. The room was dark but something in him knew that this wasn't a nightmare, this was reality. The air around him was cold. Instinctively, his hand reaches out for the other side of the bed, for you. But it was empty. Jude panics and sits up, he looked at his side and as he feared, it was empty.

Was his dream true? Was he really just relying on memories to remember the times you two had and not realizing that you two have parted? Was your touch fake? Was your voice fake? What was real?

Even though he felt himself falling into despair he didn't want to give up, he couldn't.

Jude gets out of bed and quickly leaves the room. His throat was caught in a knot but somehow he still managed to call out your name. He called out your name. hoping for an answer, hoping to hear your voice to reassure himself that it was just a stupid nightmare. But no answer.

Jude searches every room in his house but there was no sign of you. He starts losing hope, with every room that he checks left empty he feels the tears prickle harder.

With every room, he remembers a moment that the two of you spent there. He wants to believe this was just another nightmare, a nightmare upon another nightmare. He begged that he would wake up in a few minutes with you still in his arms, peacefully snoring.

He stands still for a moment, and for just a moment he feels his tears blur his vision. He looks down in the ground, and his tears fell.

Was it really all fake?

You open the front door quietly, thinking that your boyfriend was still fast asleep. You walk down with breakfast in your hands until you hear a sniffle. You stopped walking. Worry coursed through your veins.

You put the things in your hands down and you continued walking to find your boyfriend.

"Jude?" you nervously called out.

Jude pauses. He remembers this voice in his dream, and in the back of his mind he wants to think he's in a dream but his heart wanted to seek out the voice.

He holds his breath and starts walking towards the voice. He didn't care if it was fake, he didn't care if this was an illusion in his mind, he just wanted reassurance. He just wanted comfort.

Finally. he stops in front of you and his heart sinks. You look at him, his eyes were laced with tears, his cheeks were stained. "Jude?" you managed to whisper. He throws his arms around you. He hugged you tightly, like if he let go-- you'd disappear again.

"Jude, what's wrong?" you asked, returning the hug. Jude lets the last of his tears fall.

This was true. This was real.

Jude's legs crumble beneath and he eventually falls to the ground, dragging you with him. "Jude?" you called out once more, hugging him tighter. A shaky sigh leaves his lips, his voice trembles.

You were true, it wasn't an illusion. You came back to him.

bro idk how to end this so like have another cliffhanger or sum 🙄🙄 i personally love the amount of description i put into this bro anyways SMASHSHS!!!?!!?! THAT LIKE BUTTON AND SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE BANGERS LIKE THESE 69 LIKES AND TOE REVEAL 🥶

MY BLICKYYYYY ⁉️⁉️⁉️ UPON DA DRESSAAA 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Also before i forget, this will be considered as my weekly wednesday post because i have class on wednesday, i think ill be able to post on friday 🤨🤨

[firefly--bright]

ur probably kinda sick of writing for th b99 au but can I request some fluff hcs pleeeeaaaseee I need something to balance out the angst

IM NOT SICK OF IT detective kirstein brainrot

- it's become like a tradition for the two of you to spend your dinner time together. it could be a really simple meal, sometimes some boring takeout but it would do, considering that almost the whole day was spent apart. soft music would be playing in the background while jean washed and cut the veggies, you'd boil some stock and get started on the noodles, you saying "she ramen on my soup till I noodle-" "she ramen on my noodle till I soup." "right, sorry, my bad." "yeah. get it right." and sometimes Connie crashes and then soon enough sasha and marco are also there and you're watching those terrible horror movies with cheap jumpscares. jean is a fucking crybaby about it you cannot convince me otherwise

- he's sitting beside you on the couch and Connies making fun of the ghost, sasha remarks on how bad she must smell which starts a whole debate between her and marco about if the outfit that people had on when they died was the same outfit that they'd have to spend their death days with, and jean is fully immersed in the movie, clutching a pillow and you try not to laugh at how he shifts closer to you. "it's fucking freezing in here." he says. "are u sure you're not just scared and want my protection?" "I'm. a grown man I don't know what you're talking about- FUCK." the last bit of his sentence was interrupted because the main character saw two glowing eyes in the corner or smth. grown man my ass. he holds you extra snuggly while falling asleep that night

- which is crazy considering his profession but it's so personal to me actually

- anyway, going back to the last post - he gets so pouty and clingy when he gets an unserious injury. like imagine he gets a cut on his thigh because he scraped it against a railing while chasing someone and he's exaggerating the story SO MUCH. "yeah and so I did a BACKFLIP-" "oh you can do those?" his chest puffs up, "yeah. duh. i can do a lot of things. and then I chased him down this alleyway and there was this grandma in one of the windows that saw me handcuff him and cheered for me." "I'm the grandma." you said, to which he replies, "yeah I like older women anyway." "WOW."

- he's arguing with eren on the job ALL THE TIME. back to when you two met, eren was looking around your appartment Just In Case and jean was SUPPOSED to be asking you relevant questions like "where were you yesterday morning?" to which you answered "I was in my room, getting ready for the day." "oh? I'm sure you looked great-" "oh." "i mean, like, I'm sure - like, you look great right now too. i mean, you. yeah. you're 👍" "thank you, detective." and eren has to butt in, "sorry, my partner usually just mouths off without thinking- "I do NOT." "thats why we call him hors-" "KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING BIRD."

great introduction, jean. he's kind of surprised that you even acknowledged him, IN PUBLIC CAUGHT IN 4K because he was so sure he blew it (he kinda did but it was really amusing and you kinda just wanted to talk to him because seeing him flustered was really funny and cute)

also!! bonus texts ;)

:D

(final hc - he listens to the most cuntiest songs while solving stuff. like he's filing paperwork while listening to 360 by Charli xcx)

[yourlocalghoulette]

Chapter 2~ Take On Me

Series Masterlist~ Main Masterlist~Meet the horses~

Warnings- eventual smut so MDNI! pretty much just fluff, reader has trauma, language, slow burn, flirting, relationship building

w/c: 3k

A/N~ part 2 is hereee! im literally so excited to be writing this story. part 3 is already in the works! please reblog, it always helps! Lmk if you want to be on the taglist:))

It was only when you got Joel’s number and scheduled your first work day that it started feeling real. Doing this, being around horses again, the thing that hurt you more than anything. 

Well, it wasn’t the horses that hurt you. It was the way you were forced to push your limits with them. The way you were yelled at if you didn’t do something right. The way your stomach sank every time you were forced to use an unneeded pair of spurs on a horse.

Sleep doesn’t come easy Thursday night, the night before the long-awaited first day. You toss and turn in your bed, palms clammy and forehead sweaty. You kick off the matcha-colored bedspread you were wrapped in and sit up in bed, trying to take deep breaths to clear your head. You glance at your phone. 2:00 AM. If you know Sōl well enough, she’s probably at a party. She definitely won’t answer until morning. 

So you text the one person who also might not be awake but still understands. Joel.

You click on the chat that only a few formal messages have been exchanged in and wonder if you’re being too impulsive. What is he going to think about you texting him at two in the morning? Your mind clouded with sleepiness and delusion, you text him anyway.

You- sorry for texting so late. having second thoughts about tmrw. 

To your surprise, the ‘read’ icon pops up as soon as you send it. 

Joel- i understand how you feel. are you wanting to cancel tomorrow? i was looking forward to it.

Did you want to cancel? Your brain is in a frenzy. He’s looking forward to it, you think over and over.

You- idk. i think still want to come tomorrow but I’m gonna take it slow:)

Joel- that makes sense and it’s totally good with me. can’t blame ya for feeling reluctant. you can pace things as slow as you want, ok cowgirl? 

The nickname jumped off of your screen at you and butterflies take off inside your stomach. 

You- ok cowboy;) thanks. excited to see u and the horses tmr!

Joel- likewise. now get some sleep, cowgirl. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as you turn off your phone. The conversation was short but sweet and oddly comforting. 

You silently pad over to the kitchen and quickly make a cup of chamomile tea with lots of honey. While you drink it, you shamelessly open the stable’s website and scroll to the picture of Joel and Sarah. You look closely at Joel’s left hand, resting over Sarah’s shoulder. 

No ring.

Ok, he wasn’t married, but that didn’t mean much. He could still be dating, you tell yourself. Even with that possibility, you catch yourself smiling softly at the photo, staring into Joel’s dark brown eyes. Soft and comforting, like the tea you’re drinking. You sigh and walk slowly back to bed, rubbing your eyes which at this point are bloodshot from tiredness.

With Joel’s messages imprinted in your head, you quickly fall asleep.

“Un-fucking-believable. I gave you one. Job. ONE job! To win the goddamn gold medal. And what did you do? You knocked over FOUR jumps. You are a dissapointment to this team. To the profession of jumping.”

“Please- I-I’m sorry, the horse was acting weird! Probably because you made me whip him when he doesn’t need it!”

“Don’t use those goddamn tears on me. Maybe I should show you how a whip feels.”

You wake up three hours later in a cold sweat, your face streaked with tears. You breathe heavily, your hands shaking with each breath. You run your hands over your face. 

“It’s just a memory,” you whisper over and over to yourself. You try to breathe in through your nose and out your mouth, calming yourself down.

Sometimes you wish you don’t have to wake up in an empty bed, no one by your side to comfort you. It stings when you think about the last time someone was in your bed. 

You shake the memories away for right now. Taking one last deep breath to attempt to ground you, you climb out of bed. You skip breakfast, not sure if you would be able to keep any food down with the amount of nerves flitting in your stomach. 

You brush your teeth and throw on some mascara quickly, your hands still shaky and making it difficult. You put on a black tank top and faded boot cut jeans, along with a loose red flannel because it can get cold in the early Texas mornings.

It’s 6:00 on the dot when you slide on your steel-toed work boots, tucking them under your jeans. You grab your keys and a granola bar just in case and head out the door.

As you struggle to start your old pickup truck, second thoughts and anxieties start to fill your mind once again. You struggle to push them out of your head, filling it instead with the thought that you get to see Joel again. Nevertheless, your hands shake around the wheel as you drive the short drive to Sarah’s Stables. 

When you pull into the driveway, Joel is sitting outside the barn on the concrete bench, shaking his leg with a nervous expression on his face. You step out of your truck and stride over to Joel as he stands up, trying to put on a confident smile even though the last thing you feel is confident. 

“Morning,” Joel grins, shaking your hand firmly. His hand lingers on yours a little longer than it should before he pulls away. 

“G’morning, cowboy,” you tip an invisible hat, and he returns the gesture. He leads you into the barn, gesturing you to follow with his hand.

“Did’ya get any sleep last night?” He asks with a hint of concern in his voice, making your heart melt. 

You shrug. “Kind of. And I’m really sorry for texting you so late- or, early? I didn’t really have anyone else to text.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joel waves it off. “I liked it, having someone to talk to even for a bit. I’m always up past 2 doing paperwork and ordering feed and all that shit.”

“Good to know,” you grin, trying to hide the flustered expression on your face. You enter the barn, immediately walking up to the small Shetland pony’s stall. “Hey, buddy,” you coo, gently tracing the long stripe down his face. “And to whom do I owe the pleasure?”

Joel chuckles, leaning next to you on the stall door. “That’s Orion. Rescued him along with the percheron, Amadeus, from an animal hoarder.”

“So you’ve had a rough time with humans, huh, bud?” You nod understandingly. “I get it.”

“Very. I get it too,” Joel says softly. “So. Let’s get to work, huh? I’m gonna show you the different feed mixes for each horse. Not sayin’ you’ll have to feed ‘em every time you’re working here. We’ll feed the horses then I’ll introduce you. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds perfect. It feels weird, being at a barn after so long of avoiding horses, y’know?” you sigh softly. “Is it too soon to say I have a good feeling about you and this barn? Like…I don’t know how to explain it. It just feels different.”

Joel nods knowingly, toying absentmindedly with Orion’s forelock. “Not at all. I get it,” he says understandingly. His eyes soften as he watches you interact with Orion, a slight faraway look on your face. “You doin’ okay, cowgirl?”

You nod, straightening up. “Yeah. Sorry. Just…zoned out.”

“No need to apologize,” Joel smiles softly. A tall cinnamon colored Tennessee Walker down the aisle kicks his stall door in impatience. “Let’s do this.”

In less than 20 minutes, the horses are fed and happily nickering into their feed buckets. Joel had written down the feed mixes for each individual horses with care and posted it on the wall so you didn’t have to memorize them right away. You can tell how much Joel Miller cares for his horses. 

“We can turn the horses out now.” Joel tosses you two halters, a purple nylon one and a teal rope one. “Think you can handle two horses at once?”

“Totally.” You sling the halters over your shoulder. 

“The rope halter is for Whiskey, the Tennessee Walker and the nylon is for Dottie, the Appaloosa mare. Stalls 5 and 6.”

In no time, you worked together to get all six horses out to the pasture. It’s picturesque, a large green field with a tall white fence surrounding the perimeter. It feels like a daydream watching the horses frolic aorund with eachother, enjoying their taste of freedom after being caged in a stall for the night. 

You and Joel sit on the lower bar of the fence, arms resting along the top piece with your head on top. Observing the horses’ behaviors carefully, you can see with the way the chestnut Quarter Horse gelding pins his ears and threatens any horse that gets close to his pile of hay that he’s top dog. The dominant horse, the leader.  A comfortable silence falls between you and Joel, as you both let out a collective sigh of relief as the stress of morning feeding washes off. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Joel sighs, breaking off the silence. 

“Gorgeous,” you agree, glancing over at Joel. His soft brown eyes are full of adoration for his horses.

He gestures towards the chestnut Quarter Horse. “That right there is Magnum. Total powerhouse. Used to be a ‘coon hunting horse.”

You giggle, staring over at Magnum’s solid build and shiny coat. “People still hunt for raccoons?”

Joel shrugs incredulously. “I guess. His owner gave him to me because he wasn’t getting enough attention. He was ridden twice a week and left to rot by himself in a field the rest of the time. He’s obviously dom, as you’ve probably noticed.”

“Mhm,” you nod. “I noticed. I can tell he has a strong personality, too.” You grin, looking over at Joel.

“Sure does,” Joel smiles back proudly. Your shared gaze lasts a little too long before you turn your head away, looking back at the horses and trying to hide the flustered expression on your face. 

Joel introduces you to the rest of the horses; Amadeus, the percheron, Dottie, the petite Appaloosa mare, and Arizona, the gorgeous flaxen-colored mustang/Arabian cross. 

“Say, have you eaten anything for breakfast yet?” Joel asks, holding out his hand to help you up from your perches on the fence. 

You’re sure this man is going to be the death of you. You shake your head sheepishly, gently grabbing his hand as you stand up. His grip is soft and warm, hands calloused from years of hard work. “Not really,” you say as you let go of his hand. “I was too nervous.”

“What, am I that scary to ya’, cowgirl?” He grins cheekily, nudging your shoulder playfully as you both walk back into the barn.

“Pfft,” you roll your eyes as you nudge him back. “No, not scared. Terrified.” You stick your tongue out at him. 

“Ha, ha, darlin’. Why don’t we go get some breakfast? Gotta fuel up before cleanin’ the stalls.”

You shrug. “Sure. Where were you thinking?”

“Home Grounds is a good coffee shop, good bakery stuff too,” Joel offers. 

“No fucking way,” your eyes widen in surprise. “I work there! How have I never seen you there?”

“You must not be on the clock when I go. I’m sure I’d remember a face like yours,” Joel says softly, then catches himself, clearing his throat. “Sorry, that was-”

“It’s fine,” you wave it off. “Let’s go. We can take your truck. Mine’s a little…messy right now.”

Joel chuckles. “Sure as hell can’t be as bad as mine.”

Soon, you’re driving with Joel to the coffee shop, Take On Me by A-ha playing quietly through the speakers.

“I love this song!” You smile widely, opening the window and resting your arm outside. 

“Me too,” Joel turns up the stereo. “You sing at all, cowgirl?”

You shake your head quickly, eyes wide in mock horror. “Not at all. Do you, cowboy?”

“A bit. I play a smidge of guitar, too,” he smirks. 

“Oh, really? I’m gonna have to hear some of these Joel Miller guitar skills sometime,” you grin.

Joel shakes his head, a smile growing on his face as he pulls into the coffee shop driveway. “Believe me, I hype up my skills wayyy too much.” He turns off the truck and quickly runs around to your side of the truck to open your door. Butterflies take off in your stomach as he does this. 

Hiding your flustered look, you deadpan him, eyes rolling. “Dude,” you grin, climbing out and he shuts the door behind you. 

“What?” He opens the coffee shop door for you too. “Momma always taught me to be a gentleman.”

“And my mom always taught me to never trust men,” you grin cheekily.

“I can change that,” he side eyes you. 

Trying to ignore his words, you wave at a coworker. “Hey, Jess!” You call to her, walking up to the counter. 

“Hey, girlie. Who’s that?” She asks slyly, eyeing Joel. “New boyfriend?”

“Uh, no,” you say quickly before Joel can hear. “I’m working for him. He owns a horse barn.”

“You’re back to horses?” Jess inquires, cocking a brow. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, okay?” You spin around to face Joel. “What are you getting?”

“Just a black coffee and blueberry muffin, but don’t worry, cowgirl. I gotchu.” He starts taking out his wallet but you playfully swat his arm.

“Don’t. Please. I get employee discount anyway.”

Joel sighs in defeat, holding up his hands in mock offense. “Fine. But I’m paying next time.”

Next time, next time, next time….

After you order, the black coffee for him and a cold brew for you, you go to put your card in the reader to notice Joel’s card is already there. “Joel!” You mutter, giving him a disapproving look. 

“Hey, I’m tryna be nice, okay?” He chuckles. 

You roll your eyes. “Whatever. Thanks, really.”

The atmosphere felt charged with an unspoken tension as you both sat at a small table by the window, the warm sunlight filtering in. Joel's eyes seemed to hold a certain depth, a familiarity that stirred something within you.

"So, tell me about yourself, cowgirl," Joel said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between you.

You took a sip of your cold brew, gathering your thoughts. "There’s not a whole lot to tell. Well, there is, but not a lot I want to go into right now. I fell in love with horses after riding a pony at a fair, and it kind of exploded from there. I started off riding Western and doing gymkhanas, then switched over to hunter/jumpers. That was obviously a huge change. I exelled really quickly in that, but as you probably know, being the best doesn’t mean you’re treated the best. A lot of shit happened at those barns, and I quit when when I was 18. People called me selfish and self-absorbed for quitting, which is what i believed for awhile. But my mental health imrpoved a lot after quitting and I came to accept the fact that it was a good thing.”

Joel nodded, his expression understanding. "I get that. Sometimes life throws us curveballs, and we need to take a step back to reassess things."

"Yeah, exactly," you replied, feeling a sense of relief wash over you at his understanding. "But now I'm back, and I'm hoping things will be different this time."

"I'm sure they will be," Joel said with a reassuring smile. "You've got a good head on your shoulders, cowgirl."

You felt heat creeping up your cheeks at his compliment, quickly taking another sip of your cold brew to hide your reaction. "Thanks, Joel. I appreciate that."

The conversation flowed effortlessly between you, covering everything from your favorite books to your shared love of old John Wayne western movies. With each passing moment, you found yourself becoming more and more drawn to Joel, his easygoing nature and genuine kindness pulling you in.

Before you knew it, your cups were empty, and it was time to head back to the barn. As you walked side by side with Joel, the familiar feeling of nervous excitement bubbled up inside you once again.

As soon as you walk back into the barn, he turns on a 70s playlist and tosses you a mucking fork. “Ready to muck some stalls, cowgirl?”

The music fills the barn with a nostalgic vibe as you take the mucking fork from Joel with a grin. "Born ready," you reply, matching his playful tone.

Together, you fall into a rhythm of cleaning the stalls, the repetitive motion oddly soothing as you work side by side. Joel hums along to the music, occasionally breaking out into a soft whistle that echoes through the barn.

As you work, you can't help but steal glances at Joel, admiring the way his muscles flex beneath his shirt with each movement. There's something comforting about his presence, a sense of safety and warmth that you haven't felt in a long time.

Before you know it, the stalls are clean, and the horses are happily munching on fresh hay. You wipe the sweat from your brow, feeling a sense of satisfaction at a job well done.

"Thanks for your help, cowgirl," Joel says, giving you a grateful smile as he leans against the stall door.

"No problem," you reply, returning his smile. "It was actually kind of fun."

Joel chuckles, pushing himself off the door. "Glad to hear it. You've got a talent for this, you know?"

You feel a swell of pride at his words, a sense of validation that you haven't felt in a long time. "Thanks, Joel. That means a lot coming from you."

He gives you a nod of appreciation before glancing at his watch. "Well, I hate to cut this short, but I've got some paperwork to take care of. Think you can handle things on your own for a bit?"

You nod confidently, eager to prove yourself. "Of course. I'll hold down the fort."

"Great," Joel says, giving you a pat on the shoulder. "I'll be back in a bit. And hey, if you need anything, just give me a shout."

With that, he disappears into the office, leaving you alone in the barn. You take a deep breath, feeling a surge of determination coursing through your veins.

You may have started the day with doubts and anxieties, but now, as you stand in the quiet of the barn surrounded by the gentle sounds of the horses, you feel a sense of purpose wash over you.

[princess-of-the-corner]

And Yet More Random Fanfic Quotes!

: )

*

IcyThotPainRelief: Remember Zuku murder is illegal

Izuwu: Ur one to talk!

IcyThotPainRelief: Look if im not allowed to ruin my reputation neither are u! we either go down together or not at all bitch!

*

Mom-o: Hagakura! That is highly inappropriate! Even if he does sound like an unsavory individual, we still don’t know how Midoriya feels about the whole situation! So, it’s best not to assume his feelings on the subject.

Izuwu: Well he’s dead to me so technically u guys arnt wrong the bastered can rot in hell for all the heart ach he gave my mom!

Mom-o: Oh okay, carry on you guys.

*

SharkBoi: Am i gunna need to bail my boyfriend out of jail?

WeepingDarkness669: Thats only if he gets caught

Pikachu: Bold of u to assume our dear Kacchan knows anything about keeping things lowkey when it comes to acts of violence

*

Tired™: Dont be dragging me into u guys is shit! I was a happy little introvert chilling on my own until u guys showed up!

IcyThotPainRelief: U should of thought of that before spilling ur entire traumatic backstory within a 5 mile radius of Izuku “I will save people with the power of friendship” Midoriya

*

Izuwu: So as auntie Mitsuki is beating my dead-beat dad with her shoe and guess who decided to show up out ow fuckin nowhere?

Pikachu: The pizza delivery guy?

WeepingDarkness: Death itself?

DisneyPrincess: The cops?

AlienQween: *gestured with feeling* Aliens?

SugarDaddy: The League of Villains?

Hentai: Jesus fucking chist guys…

Izuwu: ALL MIGHT!!!

Izuwu: With like?? a bouquet of flowers?? and in a blazer?? Cuz like apparently hes going out with my mom??

IcyThotPainRelief: I FUSKING KNWE IT!!!

Izuwu: Still not his secret love child Sho!

Izuwu: So anyways All Might is there and is all like “what’s going on” and Kacchan goes “we’re beating up Deku’s shitty dad” then All Might said “wait he’s alive??”

DefyingGravity: Deku’s useless Y chromosome user: quit telling everyone im dead!

DefyingGravity: Us: sometimes i can still hear his voice

Izuwu: SO ANYWAYS

Izuwu: Auntie finally stops beating up my father because she too is really surprised to see All Might at our door step which now allows my sperm doner to finally be aware of his surroundings and he looks up at All Might and goes “who the hell are u and what do u want?” and then All Might looks this man dead in the eye and fuking goes “Im here to pick up ur wife we have dinner reservations!”

*

Izuwu: I THOUGHT WE WERW FRIENDS IIDA!!

Saaanic: We are and it is my job to tell you that your entire existence is being held together by sticky tape, a lot of prayer, and spite.

*

WAKEMEUPwakemeupinside: you ever think about how we define sandwichs by the inside of them not the outside

WAKEMEUPwakemeupinside: like you never say “oh i gotta wheat bread sandwich”

*

“You’re worth a hundred of them,” Todoroki said shortly.

“I disagree,” Iida said dryly. “A hundred of any of them would make poor company.”

*

LabSafety101: she’s surprisingly subdued rn, I actually convinced her to take a nap

Dadzawa: that’s because she worked for 72 hours straight with minimal caffeine

LabSafety101: hey chiyo

GrannyChiyo: if she’s already asleep I can’t do anything

LabSafety101: yeah but can you make sure she’s not about to die in her sleep

Yamadad: the boys made sure she ate, dw

LabSafety101: was it healthy?

Yamadad: idk but it was food!

*

UncleGun: I know for a fact that basically every kid in school at least knows half the common swear words

UncleGun: but it’s also really fun to say “dagnabbit”

*

“Alright. I didn’t ask you to get your hero costumes because today you will all be fighting Shinsou.”

The whole class raised their eyebrows. Shinsou tried his hardest not to scream inside though.

Because, what the fuck?

“Uh, sir. That doesn’t seem very fair,” Momo spoke up.

“Yes I know.” Aizawa nodded, “Also, none of you are allowed to use your quirks. Except him, obviously.”

“Why!” Bakugou shouted, “I wanna beat him nice and fair!”

Aizawa was not fazed. “You all know how Shinsou’s quirk works. Once you respond to him, he can make you do anything. That is all. Is that too hard for you?”

The class frowned. Was that a trick question?

Aizawa nodded, and made to sit down. Shinsou stopped him, speaking quietly, “I… I think you’re overestimating my power, here.”

Aizawa just scoffed, “I think you’re underestimating their stupidity.”

[…]

After five minutes, there were only three students in front of him. Kouda, because he didn’t talk anyway, Ojirou, because he had actually learned his lesson at the sports festival, and Sero, who had literally taped his mouth shut.

Aizawa walked towards them and stood next to Shinsou. The ones at the wall, looked at him in varying degrees, of shame and disbelief.

The teacher sighed, “All you had to do was not talk.” He shook his head at them, “That’s all you had to do.”

*

Pro Hero Hawks: So you’ll get to meet all kinds of heroes! Maybe even All Might!

Pro Hero Hawks: Yes, this is naked bribery.

*

“Young Midoriya is quite the hero fan, isn’t he?”

“He’s not just a fan, Yagi-san, he’s not just an air conditioner either: Midoriya-kun is an entire HVAC system.”

*

“Gentlemen, I am here, with some brand new handcuffs! Who would like to try them on first?”

*

Izuku, despite his professionalism as an analyst, despite his commitment to be a hero, still found that teenage urge to throw his head back and groan at the prospect of something that could be seen as a boring, pointless task. He fought the feeling down, self-control pinning it to the ground and discipline clubbing it with a half-brick in a sock before dragging it back into the depths of his mind, and then assumed a low stance.

*

Mirko’s kicks were well known for breaking bones.

Coincidentally, high schoolers tended to have bones.

-

I AM CACKLING I LOVE THIS

[pinkcannibal]

Can you pls give us a small (or long, I won’t complain) list of small things you think reader finds attractive/sexy about Marilyn, and vice versa. Specific things like, the way reader doesn‘t kill spiders but instead tries to release them into the outdoors. Or the way she licks her lips whenever she’s trying to focus on an assignment. You get my drift? Also sidenote sorry, but which day do you think your new chap of your fic will be released? No pressure, just want to set a mental reminder for myself :)

oh this is actually so soft hi 😭 of course i can im vibrating at a frequency only dogs can hear at this ask do u know what you've done to my brain with this. (and new chapter will be out today! probably around 6pm EST. like im finishing it and editing it now as we speak but wont be able to upload til later in the day <3)

marilyn

- reader loves when marilyn rolls her sleeves up while teaching. like it's such a simple, attractive quirk but she swoons watching marilyn gesture with her hands when she gets really into a topic during class

- same w her glasses fixing quirk. reader finds it so cute and charming <33 esp when she's gardening and they fall down her nose and she has to use her wrist to push them up bc of her gloves

- she adores that marilyn genuinely says goodmorning to her plants. and means it. like this milf waters them in the morning and not as a joke greets them like friends 😭

- finds it so hot when marilyn strap packs. like sorry i haven't added that to my fic yet but trust reader is indeed a slut for it to insane degrees

- reader loves how gentle marilyn is w like. everything. yes she's very dominant and controlling! but also she greets every stray cat on the street and says "oooh big stretch" and reader is like. heart eyes at it. and marilyn genuinely cares for her students and their education and gets so upset if a student of hers is failing or finding the workload hard (esppppp w readers education ofc like its so important to her) and that trait of marilyns is so attractive to reader

- reader lovessss marilyns laugh lines and hands. she is OBSESSED w marilyns hands like she finds them so pretty and attractive how veiny they are, and marilyn used to be self concious abt it but ever since reader first sighed wistfully "i love ur hands sm" marilyns learnt to love them more <3

- if reader thinks abt marilyns muscles for more than 3 seconds she'll fall to her knees. like girl get up!!! but she loves biting them softly during sex and feeling marilyns biceps flex while holding her. who knew this short plant teacher was so jacked. (reader didn't and she's so weak for it now)

reader

- like u said in ur ask its real to me marilyn will literally get so distracted in class if reader bites her lip in concentration while working. sometimes nibbling on the tip of her pen and frowning adorably. marilyn lovessss it

- reader is so attentive and eager to learn abt what plants/potions marilyn makes even if its just them in her dorm. like reader takes notes Seriously as marilyn explains what she's doing and her genuine interest has this woman extremely heart eyes

- reader in a skirt does in fact make marilyn thornhill.exe stop working and I'll die on this hill

- loves that reader can't go to bed or fall asleep without saying "goodnight, I love you" like one time she forgot and woke marilyn up at 3am panicked like "oh god i didn't say i love you" and marilyns just like omg ur so cute.....

- reader does in fact pick up marilyns quirk of saying goodmorning to her plants and the first time she hears reader do it she feels her knees weaken <33

- marilyn loves how easy it is to make reader blush. and adores it when reader will tuck her hair behind her ear bashfully. it's so cute and endearing and such a small quirk but marilyns weak for it

- im trying to make this ask sfw but sorry i failed. marilyn loves that when they're having sex reader always has to be fisting marilyns hair or touching it. like it's canon in my fic reader loves her hair and how silky it is but to marilyn there's something so attractive to her that even when being fucked reader has to touch it <33

- ur so right for the bug thing 😭 reader always gently removes them from marilyns indoor plants and puts them outside. probably names them too. marilyns like "god i love u i'd kill for you. ask me to kill for you <333"

[potatochip-oc-dump]

i am going to dump a bit of lore on your doorstep (by copy and pasting smth i wrote on discord a few days ago) so i can give context to something i have drawn

disclaimer: it may be long and wordy. but thats what its all about baby

"in short i finally figured out how Arthur gets their name.

so to preface this i must offer. context. be warned this is gonna be one of those Rambles.

before we begin, i am debating on whether or not i should keep the 'arthur possessing gidget' thing, change it to where they possess chip (?), or get rid of it... my reasoning being: i think it makes more sense for arthur to be closer to chip especially cuz they end up as siblings in the end, ALSO i dont remember why gigi had to be the one that was possessed and i think the story would work just fine if it was somebody else.

in fact itd probably work even better with chip not only bc the theming of Being In The Wrong Body and everyone claiming u r somebody youre not works even better if its with chip, it also works cuz chip in the story is frequently like... whats the word. overlooked. or not taken seriously.

but anyways:

two, there is a plot point sometime during chip & gidget's stay in the castelle manor in which everyone but chip is trapped inside a dream by moonlight (in the waking world they are all asleep & cant wake up) bc she is searching their dreams in order to find Arthur (and kill them)

hopefully that doesnt sound. too convoluted. ah. anyways. something something chip teams up w arthur to enter their dreams and wake them up. i think.

i think probably arthur was either forced into going w chip or he agreed relunctantly, but (assuming he is still possessing someone) chip asks arthur if they can see his real face. and he agrees but in a way that makes it clear he is Lying

they wake up in (.....i dont think i have a solid name for this place yet. i think i called it Space 2 in my lore doc for the bit but i think itll be called 'otherside')

and Arthur just looks like a weird version of [whoever they were possessing at the time.] chip comments on it and art's like 'oh you mean my REAL REAL face yeah ok let me. um.' (they change into an exact copy of chip.) 'Better?'

at this point it is becoming clear that arthur might not have a 'real face,' but chip doesnt know that yet

meanwhile there is some chatter between the two, w arthur passively explaining who Midnight and Moonlight are. ALSO there is a fun fact i think about moonlight canonically having a preference for Women & that Arthur's pre-death appearance was modelled after the first human woman. i think. at one point they get onto the topic of art and chip asks Arthur if they like to draw, in which they respond: 'no.' Riveting.

something something climactic point where arthur breaks down and finally admits that they dont have a body, dont have any of their powers, and they cant even remember what theyre supposed to look like. he says that he feels useless!

& then chip says something like 'you dont have to have powers to like. create stuff.'

and then they draw together :]

chip agrees to help give him a "new face" so to speak by drawing him a FURSONA (it is a JACKRABBIT with a RAINCOAT AND UMBRELLA and an EYEPATCH and like. epic scars. and two swords. and a pet dolphin & demon wings. and other convoluted detailed design elements akin to that of a sparkledog) which they lovingly name 'Arthur.' (maybe w a last name like 'skullcrusher' or soemthing)

and arthur like draws his own version of that. which is Close to what Arthur's design is currently. & he's like 'yeah. so um. uhh. close your eyes i cant do it while youre looking.'

(chip puts their paws over their eyes.) 'um ok! what are you doing?'

'im gonna show you the real me.'

& then he looks like the character he drew."

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

r u doing alright? how's your heart?

im doing fine! my heart is.... eeehhhhhh

i just got out of my psychiartist appointment. she perscribed me ONE MILLIGRAM of medicine because shes so worried about my heart 😭

my heart rate is notoriously fast- even when i'm asleep, its on the far end of the spectrum of "normal sleeping heart rate"

my blood pressure spikes sometimes, and when i bend down and get back up i have dizzy spells that get WAY worse in heat

i got an EKG done, a stress test, and a tilt table test (for POTS)

all came back normal!!!

i'm getting my EKG rechecked because my psych wants that to happen before she perscribes me anything, lest i like. die of Heart Explode

i got it explained to me by another doctor, that my blood vessels dont contract correctly? hence the dizziness. but im worried theres something more considering every single doctor i see is extremely concerned about my heart, so there has to be smth up with the pumper itself yk?

the funny thing is, i have a friend who works for a famous cardiologist. my man's on magazines n shit! and she said she could get me in to see him. id have to travel to new jersey but to be fair i kind of already had to do that to get all my SHIT THATS STILL UP THERE!!!

so i might do that just so i can get some answers on what the fuck is going on. also because since its a) medical and b) new joisey, my dad might pay for my plane ticket! fun!!

still reeling that i got one (1) milligram of medicine. this is a dose for children (no really, she told me so herself!)

she doesnt think i have aspd :P she thinks im autistic and adhd and have bpd. but maybe if she talked to me a bit more shed figure out why i think i have aspd! i have seen you twice and seen the therapist who diagnosed me like. a billion times

and then she took my blood pressure at the end of the session and it jumped WAY up!! so she took it a third time 😭 and then my heart rate was 96 bpm which hey! its a double digit i cannot complain!

[blazefire2012]

I posted 4,481 times in 2022

That's 4,007 more posts than 2021!

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Blogs I reblogged the most:

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I tagged 761 of my posts in 2022

#ref - 21 posts

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Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and because im not done with the soda thing make your own its iant that hard but the ingredients are pricey but cheaper than a case of cans

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Do u have any headcanons about deacon or dogmeat? I love them both sm

Oh hi! I have a few, not as many as Hancock becuase as someone in the tags put it beautifully, I'm a true ghoul simp so these are all I have 😅 Enjoy <3

Dogmeat

• Definitely that dog you read stories about that has many, many owners. Past the point that game actually mentioned. To the point where if different groups of people come together, such as a party to celebrate the institute becoming a crater, at least 7 people will be arguing. "His name is Jack, he followed my son home months ago!" "No buddy, you've got it wrong, his name is Ed and he helped me catch a radstag last fall!" "You're both wrong, Luke over here loves to hang around my caravan and his favorite thing is brahmin milk!" " What are you guys arguing ab- Aw, do you guys know Mitch too?"

• He has been accidently trained to go to his dog house/Soles bed for the night by the sound of water being dumped over the camp fire every night.

• Also accidently trained to smell when there's something wrong with people in his party and bumps the leg of anyone he's worried about. Infection in a wound, glucose levels, upcoming rads if the person he's traveling with doesn't have a Geiger counter, etc. A very good boy indeed.

• He will gravitate towards mama Murphy and sit on her feet because sometimes she will fall asleep and complain she's cold when she wakes up. She hasn't connected that he's doing it becuase he likes her, she just thinks he's trying to steal her chair. Which is a possibility.

• If you take off his bandana, goggles, or light dog armor, he will pick it up and bring it back to who ever is taking care of him at the time for it to be put back on. He doesn't like being naked.

Deacon

• Because he knows how to hide his emotions so well because it's his literal job, he can read people like a book. Almost scary he's so accurate.

• Learns about litterally anything he can get his hands on just because he can. And becuase it doesn't hurt if he's going undercover as an ex-BoS scribe. He has to walk the walk, you know?

• Even if he trusts someone, i.e Sole after the last affinity talk, he still doesn't like people touching HIM, but he will be the one to touch other people. "Cmere, your coats caught in your packs strap" "oh man, feel how cold my fingers are- why are you running?" "Oh cool, you had a tattoo! Pull up your sleeve, let me see! Does it feel any different when I do this?"

• Yes, the little thing he says during red glare and ambient comments when on sky scrappers is true, he is indeed scared of heights.... Which is exactly what WOULD annoy him to hear you say. He's scared of falling, not heights. Big difference.

• Loves to ask random things about the people hes with. After Sole mentions theyre from before the war or when MacCready mentions being the Mayor of Little Lamplight for example. To the extent if he's been marinating on a certian topic for a while, out of no where, usually at the worst times, he'll just blurt it out. Fighting tons of mirelurks- So did beer really taste better than warm spit like Nick likes to say? Trying to sleep at the dead of night- Did you name Codsworth or did he just get a special name out of the box? Sneaking around a super mutants camp- So was the platypus real or are those holo tape movies just fucking with me?

68 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

#4

Whenever my fiance pokes fun at me romancing Hancock over and over again or complaining Nick isn't romancable, I bring up the fact he let it slip one night that he's wanted to fuck Midna from twilight princess since the game came out.

And I'm not talking about her beautiful goddess form, oh no, he's not picky. He loved her in her cursed imp form before he found out that wasnt her real form so he has no room to talk about me wanting to hold hands with a sexy king of the zombies or toaster in a trench coat.

74 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

#3

I never thought about how hard it would be to draw a humanoid character when he doesn't have A FLIPPIN NOSE

89 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

#2

I'm still so shocked that people really like my previous headcanons for Hancock, Deacon, and Dogmeat so I guess to celebrate that and to challenge myself, I've got at least one for every character. It's not much for a few of them becuase I either never played with them all that much or I'm scared I won't get their personality quite right, but I hope I did well! Enjoy!

Hancock

• Actually shrunk a few inches height wise from turning ghoul. He sometimes gets heated about it when someone teases him but gets a bit proud at a particular comeback when he remembers Nick teasing him by asking if he was missing a few inches to which he replied "not where they count".

Dogmeat

• You ever hear stories about the family dog adopting a kitten and the kitten is now the dogs cat, nit the familys cat? Well he does this. He's so guilty of bringing home random animals. Hes brought home an abandoned Yao guai cub, baby ravens, radstags fawns, and countless cats and mongrels have followed him home.

Deacon

• Because of his crazy schedule and sometimes having to change plans or get ready and go at the drop of a cap, he has mastered the art of falling asleep anywhere, anytime, and recharging as if he's gotten a full eight hours. For example, leaning aginst the wall in the catacombs of the church while Tom tells him about a new conspiracy, he's dead asleep behind his sunglasses and only wakes up when Drummer Boy comes running in saying Sole fucked some shit up and needs help. He just pops up like he wasn't just dreaming about rafting in the stream around Sanctuary with a fruity drink in his hand and he's out the door.

Cait

• Secretly loves to be pampered, to be treated how she heard other girls would be treated growing up. If Sole offered to brush knots and mats out of her hair after a spat, she will act offended out of fear at first. Fear of Sole snatching the comb through her hair like her mother would, just to get it done and out of her way. She fights hard to not let out a small tear when Sole helps her feel beautiful and not a burden after her hair is smooth and taken care of.

• Treats curie like a "dumb little sister" but loves her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the world.

• Has a habit of flirting with anyone or anything out of habit of trying to stay alive by flattery. As she starts to get to know the crew, she begins to mean the compliments a bit more.

Piper

• Loves sugary things because it's what her dad would give her when he got back from scavenging. He would get lucky every once in a while and find someones stash and would have plenty of treats for his girls for a few weeks to hold them over. And with Sole as her new closest friend, she now has someone else besides Nat to spoil.

• She is consittered insane by most people becuase she actually enjoys the spinning feeling that you get from drinking.

• Has gotten in the habit of scrapping every camera she can find for good parts and film for Nat. While her specialty is written words for her paper, Nat has taken up the hobby of photography and is sometimes comissioned by her sister. She's pretty good at it.

Curie

• Though she knows the new plants may be dangerous to her now that she's out of the vault and only has knowledge of their previous ancestry, she enjoys picking a few extra specimens and presses them between the pages of a thick book for herself. For research purposes of course.

MacCready

• Because of his friendship with a particular vault dweller growing up in the capital wasteland, he steers way clear of any vaults he would be coming across according to his maps. He knows the vault he grew up next to was bad but with the stories he's heard, he's not going to take his chance with ANY of them.

• Once Sole comes back from Far Harbor and lets him try Vim Quartz, he's hooked. Reminds him of the bubblegum and other candies him and his friends would bet with back at little Lamplight. Even gives off a soft glow like the lights his old home had. Over all, punches him with so much nostalgia.

• (This one is more Duncan than Mac but its close enough) After Duncan is cured and comes to live in one of the settlements with his dad, he would get curious like all little kids and ask about the carved toy solider that Sole has. After they tell him what it is and how it's special becuase his mom gave it to his dad and then to them, they give it to the little boy and asked him to take good care of it becuase it means so much to so many people. MacCready will feel so much love (your choice, platonicly or romanticly) for Sole just from this one interaction alone and will have no doubt that those 250 caps that were used to hire him were the best Sole had ever spent.

• After becoming close friends with Sole, he will allow them to call him Bobby. The only person to call him that since Lucy.

• Will sometimes have little competitions like makeshift shooting ranges or foot races with Sole to see who would have to cook dinner that night.

• Definitely trained Dogmeat to grab him a new drink when his current one is empty

Danse

• Will never admit it, but he can't swim all that well. He can float and make a pretty good show of it as if hes swimming by choice, but he's not doing laps at a decent speed anytime soon.

X6-88

• Though he knows he's made to do one thing and one thing only, he takes pride in his look, particularly his hair. He claims it's for intimidation but he secretly loves having a sharp hairline he edges himself when he's off duty. Would love to be bold and try something new but always looses the nerve. Why fix what isn't broken?

Nick

• No matter how old someone is, if he's escorting someone through a rough place, he will take off his coat and drape the bottom half over someone shoulders and hold the rest up over their view so they don't see past him. He can't quite remember, but he thinks it's an old habit from his detective days, protecting people from paparazzi and news reporters as well as crime scenes.

See the full post

201 notes - Posted June 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Do you have hc about Hancock?? :D

I feel so honored to get this ask becuase im just all in my feels and hyperfixation right now and not by any means an actual fallout blog so here's these few headcanons that I threw together from my personal fics. If anything is confusing, let me know and I'll explain it better 😅

• In his line "Hey. Rads over here. Not for the softskinned", he says softskinned instead of anything like "smoothskin" becuase its, well, a slur in the context some ghouls say it, and also because he is consittered a new age ghoul and doesn't see the need to use such a word to describe someone if it has such negativity attached to it. Especially since it's only been a decade or so since he's been a ghoul.

• Because of his friendship with MacCready and hearing Mac's second hand stories from his Vault 101 friend back in the capital wasteland, he knows all too well of Vault-Tecs experiments in the different vaults. So when he meets the Sole Survivor and finds out what happened to them, he has even more of a reason to hate the company, a personal reason even.

• He LOVES pda in front of people like Pre-BB Danse, X6-88, etc, just to watch them squirm.

• You can pry this from my cold, dead hands, but you can still see a glimer of his concept art blue eyes under the blacked out part from a specific angle in specific lighting. He doesn't notice it until someone who he trusts enough to get that close tells him. He gets a bit warm and fuzzy but doesn't know why.

• (I read that Fahrenheit isn't his daughter in Canon, just in coding terms, so imma run with it) Even though Fahrenheit isn't his daughter he treats her as such. They met when she was young and he took care of her, basically saving her life. So out of loyalty and to repay a debt he constantly tells her doesn't exist, she took up the job of body guard. That and he taught her to play chess as a kid to get her mind off of bad things and that's why when she first meets Sole, she constantly makes chess references.

• He hates the irony that his new identity first name is also John. As much as he wants to forget his old life and name, it's still a bigger annoyance in his mind than he'd like.

• Becuase of being a ghoul, he's a lot warmer than youd think. So much so, sometimes sleeping in a settlement that has cats, he would wake up with one or more on his chest asleep with him.

• He used to hang out in the dinner above Diamond City, the one you have to parkour up to in-game, and do chems in secret away from everyone.

• (This may be something from my personal game becuase as soon as I sent him to a settlement, he started farming without me telling him to do so) He would work at the farm in Diamond city to get money for his chems.

• Loves loves loves leading people on when they think he's an older ghoul and ask what life was like prior to the bombs. "I'm telling you man, deathclaws used to be tiny. Teenage boys would keep them as pets. Feed 'em those little fish from the can. Their bites? Wouldn't even pierce the skin!"

• Even though he "gets around", he is so very touch starved. Like a close friend or significant other hugging him, touching his hands, straightening his clothes, even stealing his hat, he just melts on the inside.

• He knows Nick from his time in Diamond City. Loved to annoy the old synth as a kid and consitters Nick one of his only friends growing up.

216 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[xxcrumbxx]

Slasher smoking marijuana head cannons, the post above prompted me . I'm not much or a writer sorry if its hard to read :>

Jasion Voorhees

To be fair weed is natural just don't tell jasion ur smoking it bc his mama told him it was bad and there's no way hed be comfortable with it .

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas would like it and wanna go on a nature walk.hed wanna look at every flower ,mushroom and decomposing animal y'all come across. Likes holding hands but be quiet bc he gets overstimulated easily by noise when he's high which will make him have a nervis brake down and need to cover his eyes and ears to regulate himself.

Buba sawyer

Buba would get paranoid his first time worried about intueders or Driten would get mad or would know automatically somehow , when he settles down he'd wanna stem with you like play patty cake or just fidle with ur hair and fingers after a bit of that he would put on his pretty woman face and dance with you to record music in his room( he sent like listening to radio after nubbins joined grandma and Grandpa) .

Michael Meyers

Michael would only eat infused brownies. Then stare out windows and hum lil tunes to himself and be inhumanly still whale doing so, after starting out the window at nothing particularly then hed go pick you up and carry to the couch sit you in his lap and pet you till he falls asleep.

Ghost face ( billy and stu the 2 for 1 meal deal )

you cant tell me stu and billy don't know how to roll a mean blunt ,they get all giggly and go on long tangents about stories and ideas.Stu talks about dreams and multiverse whale clutching a pillow to his chest and he also gets more flirtatious but there even dumber flirts then usual like " hey baby are you just happy to see me or...or is is that a fier work in you're paints *leans in real close and whispers in ear " you make my pingis explode" billy would think this is supper funny and just keep repeating pingus. //

billy talks about psychology and schools of thought cracking as many bad jokes as he does good along the way. Hed feel like what he's saying is super smart and important so hed constantly tell / insist for stu to wright it down which he would get out a pen and paper but just be drooling most the time and not fully listening but when he duse wright it down he would write the bad jokes aloung side it so at the end of a smoke sesh there's just like three pages of neet stuff indistinguishably shoe horned between doodles and nonsensical jokes

Bo sinclair

bo smokes cigs and joints and gets his self rolled ones mixed up sometimes which is always funny i feel like he gets hella munchies and wants supper specific snacks that they don't always have so he gets lester to go pick em up for him,when lester final gets back with bo's goodies he looks so excited whale also trying to pretend he's not about to scurry up to his room like a goblin and devour everything like he's been starving for six weeks and its his last chance to eat ever again, im talkin riping bags open haphazardly and just taking fist fulls and shoving it in his mouth getting crumbs everywhere and staining his face with artificial coloring he's also extra touchy like " come'er darlin i ...i wanna touch ur face a bit " which just leads to him staring at u while holding ur face for an uncomfortable long amount of time and i wouldent count on him washing his hand after eating so now you have food stains all over you're face too .

Vincent sinclair

Vincent has a secret bong collection that only lester knows about and is allowed to touch. Vincent smokes to calm down and get inspiration but most of the time he just ends up wandering around his room rearranging stuff and playing with soft wax. When he feels like he likes the new look of everything hell get Josey to come and "verify" the new lay out if she approves they will cuddle and vincent will stair into her eyes and try to telepathically tell her how mutch of a good girl she is.

Lester sinclair

lester is the one who is growing it and he does not smoke allot he just enjoys the amount of care it takes to grow a good batch, although when he duse that's where his more interesting looking taxidermy comes from. He will proudly display it in his yard and make wild life scenes with them, he also plays with them like barbies they all have names and personalities some get along others have majer beef ,if you ask him about it hed be more then happy to spill the tea about how pollen the bird opossum slept with armadillo racoon turtle behind her husband eagle fishes back and now shes pregnant again but already had foure rat squirrel kids to look after and lost her job so she dust know what to do .

[strangled-mangoes]

hello! can i ask what your opinion on robrae is? i was 6 years old when TT03 came out & was immediately hooked. it was my favorite show & still is. i rewatch it a few times a year & didn't ship them growing up (i was all about robstar & bbrae).

but as i grew up & got onto tumblr to see varied ships talked about (cyjinx, robrae, cystar, etc), i began to notice the level of understanding between them.

i've noticed a lot of animosity toward the robrae ship specifically in the TT03 fandom & i totally understand why a lot of people see the relationship as purely platonic with more of a brotherly/sisterly type bond. i still ship robstar & bbrae, don't get me wrong! but something about how robin & raven connect on a deeper level & trust one another enough to deadass go into each other's MINDS just makes my heart do funny things. especially raven. & the way robin holds her after she collapses at the beginning of the end part 1?! oh my god. i fall to pieces every time 😭

sooo.. sorry for rambling. they're really special to me & i have nobody else to talk to about it haha. if you don't like them together i totally understand! i want your 100% honest opinion.

hi!!!! u absolutely can! and don’t be sorry for rambling because that’s my favorite thing ever

(also i was 7 & got hooked when i first saw it when it reran in 2012 so we’re basically twinning 😍 (minus the ~10 year difference))

i talked a bit about how i feel about Robrae in my other post about Robstar, but to be fair it was 1. long and 2. written at 3am so it probably wasn’t a very good explanation. but i will still include it here:

it’s true that they grow to be very close with each other, and as the show goes on, they’re shown to care for each other a lot— but it’s not the kind of love that robin and star have. i think my biggest point towards them being siblings is in The End, when robin goes to basically-hell to save raven. when he finds her, she’s physically and mentally younger, and doesn’t even recognize him at first. robin does approach her as her friend, but also treats her as one would with a real child. even when she remembers him, he doesn’t change his behavior with her. i really do think he sees her as his younger sister.

i know that normally they are very close in age, and have similar levels of maturity. but lemme tell u something. i have a younger brother, and we’re very similar to each other. i mean ok his interests r a bit different (he was on a wrestling team during hs while i sat on my computer and studied the tt wiki (which is amazing u should go look at it if u haven’t)). but other than the parts that make us unique (and the fact we aren’t related to each other at all), i often find myself forgetting that he’s younger than me. until we’re sitting in the backseat of our older brother’s car after a long day of walking, and he starts to fall asleep. and he falls to my side. and suddenly my brain starts running a mile a minute, as i realize that because we’re so close he isn’t afraid to sleep beside me. and ok yes this absolutely the brainrot talking but i believe this is how robin was feeling when raven trusted him to save her, to defeat her father— to protect her. of course robin is better trained and therefore didn’t freeze up like i did but whatever!

anyway. i do see them as a sibling relationship BUT i understand your view of them. and i remember that sometimes in the 03 comics, there’d be moments that definitely shipped Robrae. so this is not something to be ashamed of! these are fictional characters with fictional relationships, and therefore we (as the fans) are free to view their stories however we want.

tbh, i the main reason that i will never ship robrae isn’t because im a “diehard Robstar shipper”, but instead because im gay and aromantic, and that puts a wrench in understanding romantic relationships— especially mlw ones. i find myself unable to relate to robrae. the only reason i ship robstar at all is because i know that they’re a great couple, and i remember when i related more to starfire and definitely shipped them as a kid. but now i relate most to robin, and so it’s hard to ship things like robrae. or even robstar, because i find myself unable to tell the difference between liking & caring for someone a lot as a friendship vs liking & caring for someone a lot as a romantic relationship.

i’ve made some posts now about how i see Cyborg & Robin as brothers and best friends… which is true, but sometimes i view them as a romantic pair (Cyrob). i think it’s because i like men that shipping these two together is something i like, versus shipping robrae. of course, my aromanticism still makes it hard to decide once and for all if i see them as friends or as potential partners. shipping is hard :(

anyway. all of this was to say that i understand why you ship Robrae and why i personally don’t. i’m happy that you asked very nicely because as we’re both aware, people have been having robstar/robrae shipping wars since the dawn of time (2003) and are often mean so thank u for being nice and i hope i was too!!!

bonus thing i think is funny:

S4e3 Birthmark

transcript by Alan Back for Titansgo.net, archived on Teen Titans Wiki

i just wanted to share one of my favorite transcript moments with u because it’s robin and raven!!! but it’s unrelated to the rest of the post so here we are, under the cut 💔

[yourmoonmomma]

hey can I ask your advice on this common issue? what do you think is the best option cause girl I have struggled with friends since forever. Every other person is either so self absorbed that they need jesus or idfk are people getting worse at communication and listening?

do you think its better to a) have limited amount of "friends" even fi you dont meet them regularly enough

b) those friends that only ever message once in a blue moon orrrr if they do ever meet up with you everything is abt them

c) or non at all bc everyone puts up a facade and you dont know which one is the real them

I feel like I have run into all sorts of people yet nothings stuck besides similar patterns in the type of people I seem to be running into. Even family and parents are sometimes a bit of a letdown as well or I barely get to see other relatives anymore. idk but the way society is currently doesnt give me good feelings and it seems that if we dont have or get into something early on we dont get to maintain close connections whereas others might just have been at the right time or place to meet their life long buddies. I tried clubs, online activities with another friend but it just didnt stick to me like that one thing would be all we had in common or they kinda didnt care to explore other activities that we couldve done well at together.

I just think and am concerned with how selfish people are becoming and how people dont even want to be accountable for nothing they ever did wrong either? Like you ask person can you not interrupt me but they will keep doing it over and over cause it seem nothing I say sticks to anyones mind. Then I get told off if im ever too loud or too quiet so I cant win with anyone. Even tho other adults are also loud and even more obnoxious than whatever im trying to do I jusr cant seem to receive the same attention long enough to feel valued

I mean say you had same age friend in college who kept turning down ur offers to socialise outside of their area / home? its rude asf imho, I even tell her that sure we can gift each other bday presents orrr we might hang out during class and such but anything else she didnt care to spend other time in my area or seeing something new or doing something new... every time I ask someone been rejecting me or almost ignore my existence even if they claim to be my "friend" I dont even tell no one nothing abt myself bc u dont know how the other person going to react and some people are chronic talkers or overshare too much and I think those types of people are more annoying to deal with bc u got to basicslly be their audience and they too also dont care that much to ask u nothing to show u no interest in ur intersts. it dont seem to matter what age or generation they be either. but damn people are getting harder to connect with bc u dont know what personality they going to have when trying to engage with them.

some people also outright contradict themselves or gaslight others in the same paragraphs or sentences too which make it harder to point out they doing it cause nobody ever wanna admit they at fault for something or other. so I cant win with that bc people seem to be so mentally asleep about themselves. I have experienced literal adult men throwing tantrums for over decade and got not a single response whenever I be trying to share my interest with them they just dont care or relatives idfk. I mean I can vent to someone and they show almost no emotion nor concern for my vent or problem. mostly bc they wont believe me or dismiss anything i ever say if they dont believe it as well.

same for those who dont ask how you doing? is the world just becoming so blindsided and cliquey, if we dont have the same level of interest that others have in themselves then they aint going to care but its been such a common pattern in my life and ik something was off when I was doing this fun run and was supposed to run with my "friends" but they ended up running slower basically to avoid me even tho i dont say nothing wrong to them then or at any point. idk why social rejection is worse feeling than completely being ignored cause at least I now want only peace in my life instead of buncha fake ass people who dont care in the long run but then life is less fun at the same time.

when ur a kid u think u can get so much praise and attention but when u an adult u quickly realise who really dont care in the long run or they can sometimes say they care but when u really upset with them they dont care to correct their behaviour. I think I been dealing with narcs my whole life bruh. sorfy for rambling thanks for reading

I think the first option is better. HOWEVER I am also a bad friend. Like I'll state it right off the bat to people. A mutual friend, Joy, recently messaged me saying she'd love to be closer with me, and I told her that I'd also love that, BUT I am not a good friend. I forget to text back, I almost NEVER text first, I'm flaky with plans, etc etc. If you need someone, I am there, but just as a general everyday friend? I'm not that great! So BECAUSE of that, your first option sounds better for me. But it may not be what feels best for you! However, I don't think isolating from numerous negative experiences is a good idea. I know it's hard to keep trying, but it will eventually be worth it.

You have to find the people who are more like-minded to you, and they ARE out there. Frankly I think you & my friend Jonah would get along REALLY well, you two seem to have similar personalities, or at least talk about very very similar things/experiences! You will find your people <3

Social rejection hurts more because you opened yourself. You're saying "maybe this will work this time." Your inner child is eagerly looking for connection and love and wants so badly for this to be the time you aren't rejected. So it feels like a slap in the face. You're right, if you don't put yourself out there, it doesn't hurt as bad!!! But you will also end up missing out on a lot.

And just know, you are NOT in the wrong for being hurt by those situations. I would be hurt too. I've been upset with a few friends lately who are always "so excited" to see me, but then if I spend a couple days NOT travelling to them, they will straight up ignore me or refuse to come over because it isn't worth their time. That shit hurts. So this college friend? I'd be upset too in your position. Likewise the running situation? I've been the third friend trailing behind another two while they talk. I've straight up stopped and watched them not realize, at all, that I wasn't with them anymore. Again, that hurts. GOOD friends? Don't do that. Or, if they do, they're willing to apologize and correct the behaviour. At least, friends who are good for you!

Also I'm probably gonna prove your point right that most people suck LOL but I'm sorry I have such a hard time answering your asks sometimes!! Big blocks of texts are hard for me to respond to unmedicated, or when I'm under the weather, or just... feeling my ADHD symptoms at all. Sounds like an excuse, but I am sorry, and I do always read your full messages, even if I don't respond <33