#even if my passion is drawing stuff like this
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Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses[...]
#johnny silverhand#female v#v#cyberpunk 2077#digital art#my art#art#borreall art#fanart#silverv#the background killed me#even if my passion is drawing stuff like this#like hell yeah i m drawing things that made me suffer#i watched 3 streams on while i was drawing this#because that's what you do#uhhh anyway#the lyrics are from chloe or sam or sophia or marcurs from ttpd#because that song is silverv coded because i said so#emotional state: existential crisis
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i've been in a very "nostalgic for SpongeBob" mood lately and that's warranted a lot of reflecting on Baby Me being a Sponge fanatic and thinking of what she'd think of now. and i have to say that one of my favorite parts of doing what i do--and also the most stupidly niche--is that one of my first online hyperfixations i recall having was SpongeBob production music. i remember animating magical girl transformations in Flipnote to SPONGEBOB MUSIC. i remember feeling so smart researching all the songs and getting to hear them without any dialogue on top. very gratifying to 11 year old me. i was and am still very fixated on production music, and so i always get very excited when seeing uploads of these songs and spotting a screenshot of a scene i worked on among them. one of my favorite aspects of watching episodes premiere is seeing what music they added on top of scenes i touched. it's just neat how many facets my thankfulness for Doing What I'm Doing gets to reach. i'm never not thinking of how grateful i am to be doing what i'm doing
#i have a life dictated by cartoons and it is genuinely so wonderful#it can be very stressful and usually i am my own worst stressor#but i'm lucky that stuff like 'i don't have enough time to draw these cartoons' 'i can't write about cartoons fast enough' 'i have too many#cartoons to draw' are my issues#it's hard and taxing work and not easy but i never once have not been in love with my job or my hobbies or my passions#i've been having difficulty managing my time lately and getting into a funk because of how i can't draw enough or write quick enough#and i think i just need to SLOW. THE HELL. DOWN. nobody is going to crucify me. i'm drawing hundreds of individual drawings a week of cours#i'm not going to be drawing as much as i once was#but i'm very aware of how grateful i am to be having such an issue#and so i'm rambling incoherently about it here!#so: thanks for reading! thanks for your support#i know i've been awful keeping up with messages and i really am making an effort to manage my time better i am always always on the go#but your support means so much to me and i read every tag every ask every DM. yes even that one#it's just important for me to stress because i often don't have the capacity to respond but i am so grateful for my followers and your#support and presence. so thank you
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rarepair week day 6: pride/postcard
some gals!!!! i hc ibuki as aroace and peko as bi+ace and i ship them in a qpr :] love drawing characters with pride flags
@dr-rarepair-week-blog
#SORRY IM LATE#danganronpa rarepair week 2023#danganronpa#peko pekoyama#ibuki mioda#pekobuki#i love them needed 2 draw them....#something about peko being with someone who encourages her to be herself and explore stuff while also being chill about it....#ibukis far from chill BUT she has a lot of good wisdom even if it comes across silly & she encourages ppl to live their truth yknow??#and ibuki's like LOOK AT MY GORGEOUS WIFE and loves the calm energy peko brings#also that she's devoted and passionate
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there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities
#txt#was watching supereyepatchwolf's video on chainsaw man again and listening to fujimoto express regret about things he didnt learn#and how he's clearly envious of his peers is so... comforting?#i think about my own strengths and flaws and often times i get so frustrated with my shortcomings#im not good at drawing feet; my backgrounds are purposefully simplistic and lack a lot of detail; sometimes my designs have a tendency to#overlap or feel very 'safe' in terms of what i really want to do#its why; despite my love for clowning on media and animated works. i never want to feel like its from a place of malice#the joy of art is always seeing those little mistakes and nuances. its also noticing the achievements other creators have made that you#still lack#even for a certain hell-based show i love to poke fun at for its many. many issues. its undeniable how incredibly passionate the work is.#and i do respect anyone who is willing to get their flawed media out there (myself included)#i see stuff about people calling me their inspo or how flattered they are when i compliment their work and its like. gee. i hold myself at#such a high bar and even still im always surprise when people tell me how much my work moved and changed them#i really love writing just little fun things that i just dont really see anyone else touching and its kind of fun how despite my own#personal grievances with my own flaws and mistakes#people really do find things that they love within them.#anyways I know this is getting long but I’ve just been getting sentimental abt the creation of art#sometimes people make fun of me for love of drawing women and lesbians and bugs and so on#and while I will never let me deter me from my process. sometimes it does get to me#but then I remember that I love doing this and could ever see myself holding back#and knowing despite how other people feel. I have so many followers who resonate with my weird ass shit#that it’s all worth it. ya know?
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staring at these sketches wondering how the fuck my arts improved so much so quickly
#dan phantom#dark danny#selkie draws#i like the shapes and detail in my art style a lot more now even though my anatomy is still uhhhhhh#questionable#but look at my noses!!!!! those are so cool right!!!#i feel like i understand thier shapes a lot better even if i still struggle to draw them in perspective#i cant believe i nearly gave up on art lol#im so passionate about this stuff man#selkie barks
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Sigh...I miss my star wars hyperfixation
I miss it a lot
#jane journals#now i hear what youre saying “you could watch it again anytime!” I KNOW I CANNNN#THATS NOT WHAT I MEANNN 😭😭😭#i miss how i FELT about it!!#when i watched or even THOUGHT about it!!!#i want that consistent passion again#i know it'll come back to me I KNOW IT#every time i listen to songs i asociate w characters and ships i do get wistful#like ahhhh 🥺🥺🥺#idk maybe i just gotta draw some stuff for it soon#maybe i gotta FUCKING WORK ON MY ANIMATIC
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fish......
#art#traditional art#watercolour#embroidery thread#oc art#ocs#oc group: unsorted#oc: unnamed#i gotta name him. my guy whos secretly a school of fish pretending to be human#this was another study i made for class along with a few other doodles of this guy. then i got kinda roasted by my TAs lol#wasnt their fault i think they were just tired and stressed. plus theyre like the same age as me. i know what its like being 25 LOL#it did discourage me a lot in the moment because despite the everything about me thats probably apparent both through my blog and irl#i keep my art passions really REALLY closed off irl LOL so at the time i was like just barely stepping my toe out and showing my truth:#that all i do all day is draw dorky oc stuff HDKJSDS i did kinda immediately get called cringe in all but the actual word orz#it was a bummer but i think i feel better about it now. especially because again my TAs are the same age as me or younger than me#and im not gonna let a 25 year old calling me cringe get me in my head HKFSKJFDSd plus again i think they were just stressed and in a mood#because other times theyve been chill even when giving a harsh critiques so it mightve just been like. something in the air#but you know. isnt that a bit of a milestone in its own right. being called cringe in your fine arts class critique <3#but i still like my funny guy from my dream. hes just a normal ass looking guy. who is made of fish :)
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cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)
#mmmmni love having expensive hobbies HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAJHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYAA#Tbh for most of my life all i did was draw so like#i get surprised when shit costs stuff#w drawing#esp digital it s kind of like an investment#where u buy one device then after that have fun go crazy#w cosplay it's like . paying up Per character and Per accessory which is Yay#amazing even#and then i picked up cooking#it's consumable so obviously . youd have to buy shit all the time#im just very . i forgot the word. cautious about my money and end up spending it on dumb shit anyway#i am a hoarder at heart#but also deeper inside said heart is just a monkey brain that smiles when yellow color sad when blue color etc#simple minded activities of a person trying to feel something after being numb for a long time#also trying new hobbies because i fear the passion i had for drawing has been spent#i still do it because its what i do best and itd be a waste#but like yeah i kind of hate it sometimes#its cool when it turns out nice then a few hrs later i dont wanna look at it ever againnnnnnnnn#truthfully#i want to restart my brain#maybe itll do better on its 2nd try
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🙈
#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭
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i need to invent new words to explain how much i love them and how they make me feel so that i can tell them and somehow they will know what that word means and !!!!!!!!!
#pup talks#TGIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE A VAUGEPOST I GOT ALL TEARY BECAUSE I HAD A DEPRESSION MOMENT AND I OPENED TUMBLR AND I HAD DMS FROM LAL#LALA AND DOLL AND THEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT HOW ME N LALA WHERE DRAWING TOGETHER AND STUFF AND#LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!#do you ever feel so loved that the part of your brain thats trying to tell you thats your awful stops being able to justify itself for a bi#you still feel shaken around but thats what they do to me thats what i wanna do to them i love you with my whole heart isnt strong enough#🪽#♡#it took me hours to put this into words#if i could reset myself and fix my mistakes and things i cringe at i would not because this version of my life has all of you in it#and i fall in love with you every time we talk and every time something about you changes im hopeless#i want to be there even if your at your worst or struggling to make words or passionate about the dumbest thing ever idc if i dont like the#thing i love to hear you happy i love to talk to you YOU make me happy and i want to listen!!!!!! to you!!!!!#you make me a braver version of myself!!!!!!! and your the people that i think of when im soososo cozy!!!!!!#comeing home from a long day at school (burning disaster life) to a soft bed (the lovers)
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the adhd-fueled desperation to create for hyperfixation vs my adhd struggle to do anything or even decide between the million ideas i have is my own personal hell. im dying squirtle
#i just want to make my gay lil kura.hi stuff but i have too many kura.hi things i want to make#decision paralysis + struggle to do things even when i enjoy them + severe lack of energy always BUT i want to draw so so so so so bad#its so mean. my purpose on this fucking world is to create. i love creating. its one of my biggest passions.#i have so many wonderful ideas i want to be able to create and share with others#its like a desperation i need to get these thoughts out of my head and formed into something#i need it. i need it. i need it. not being able to create makes me insane#but trying to create for the past few years has been so fucking hard#i hare it. i hate it. i hate it.#why cant i just have a functioning brain already im tired of feeling draining if i dont feel immediate satisfaction from what im doing#especially when i already draw slow. so its like my brain is a fucking anchor i have to try to drag around just to get anywhere#ugh. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i should just be able to use my vent posts to get a diagnosis fr. look at my blog doc im not fucking okay. help
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Hi Toxooz, how do you get yourself to draw so frequently? 👀👀👀
bc i have literally 84 things going on at once in my brain at all times that my highly visually obsessed brain Has To physically get in front of my eyes so that i can see or else will i think abt it over and over again and Brother I'm always envisioning things characters scenes scenarios outfits designs colors all of it in my cranium like angry itchy itchy ITCHY bees until i draw them out lmfao even if i don't know what to specifically draw at the current moment imma still end up drawing somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think at this point it's literally hardwired into my brain that I Gotta draw its what I've been doing since I could hold a pencil tbh it's how i cope with being -gestures vaguely- Here and alive, i actually gotta force myself to take a day off and schedule days where I DONT draw bc I know it's wearing on my hands and wrists 😬 I guess physically drawing grounds me in a way and keeps me (mostly) sane like if I don't draw for a few days i start getting Vaguely Antsy it's fukkin weird and i think at this point my love for my characters has surpassed like any form of art block if that makes sense??? like they literally take up 92% of my brain if not more, and the only way to see them is to draw them but yeah it's just what i do it's my jelly n my jam which is why I'm literally so glad i realized that i don't want to make drawing a job/career bc God help me if i start dreading drawing bc of the stress of money I've been drawing like crazy for like 2 decades straight and I only wanna draw more man idk!!!!! It's just one of them 'how the brain formed around what you do an assload of times' thangs
Answer translation: idk I just like to draw a lot lmfao
#its like the kids say ✨💅its how i express myself✨💅#and dont get it twisted im aware this is not healthy lmfao#dont aspire to b like me just draw or dont draw man its abt the want#like i said drawing is just What I Do at this point i didnt train theres not some ''oh draw for at least 30 minutes a day' shit#i draw fast as shit (probably obviously ) and so much its probably unnatural AHA#the secret is make drawing the only outlet for your brain to not completely self implode at the mere idea of existing#for 24 years!!!!! :)#honestly thats why im getting progressively more Tired when every mf and their grandma tries to convince me to sell my shits#like brother this is a part of me how can i give away something i created and inevitably formed a bond with for like 100 bucks#i caint do it and so if i go in with the expectation to imediately give it away then man i dont even want to be making art in the first pl#like for me Personally if im not going to make something that i fall in love with and want to look at occasionally then#Literally what is the point of me making anything#what is the point of me making my body and mind create a piece if not for my own personal joy???#but thats just physical art ig#like digital stuff and selling it for money if some1 wants it im aight but physical paintings??? that shit is Me and Mine#like just bc i Can make art doesnt immediately mean i need to make money from it yknow#my brother in christ when it comes to the the only true outlet for me to find joy and inspiration in living i Do Not care about money#i will take any amount of shitty job abuse if it means i conserve my passion#ill get a scarring accident from welding before i will stress cry over a deadline for a project that i dont even want to do#absolutely terrified of that path and feeling it is The Worst for me#like literally thank FUCK i realized this when i was just in a community college and not balls deep in debt at some fancy university#granted late as all hell and all my opportunities of taking free welding classes in my early years have long passed but still glad#just stick me on an abandoned island with canvases n paint n shit and ill b fine#god knew if i managed my time better and wasnt Really Fucking Exhausted all the time i would be unstoppable#like ofc making money while drawing what i want is the dream no doubt but the chances of that are slim and the road to get there is even#slimmer#ANYWAY holy shit not to get hella preachy but i have Thots
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have you / will you read post canon? I find it interesting, there's definitely problems but I find some moments really cool and taking a whole new direction with homestucks initial ending makes it very special. it's definitely not perfect, tends to be like TV-MA homestuck, but I feel like there's a lot of aspects underneath the dir(k)t that make it charming in its own way. Maybe it's just the perspective I like to read things in though.
I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone speak kindly about post canon (that’s homestuck 2 right? The candy and meat thing?). It’s nice to know there are some people who enjoy it amidst the hate it goes through. I’m sure lots of people put a lot of effort into it. That being said, no, I’m afraid I’m not interested in reading it. I don’t have a big reason besides just being content with where homestuck ended. And also I’m discouraged by the bad things I have heard.
#a little more in depth- I’m not like. the most interested in character relation type drama stuff. which I believe post canon focuses on#I really really liked the humor and just insanity of the first acts of homestuck#I enjoyed the lower quality drawings honestly there’s something I really liked about homestuck when it felt like more of a passion project#I like sburb a lot- it’s one of my biggest draws to homestuck#and if they’re not playing sburb I don’t know if I’m interested#sorry!! It really is nice to know you like it#if I seem as though I’m yucking your yum I’m really not trying to. just trying to explain why I probably won’t read it#weasel speaks#asks!#hs#tbh idk if they’re playing sburb or not actually#even if they are. eh. I’m not really interested
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on the note of kith season 6 (didn't want to derail the other post but have been thinking about this lately): one of the only things i disliked - or, rather, that felt off about the revival - was how crisp everything felt in terms of the aesthetic. like ik filmmaking technology has evolved since 1994 and they couldn't do the live studio audience even tho they wanted to bc of covid, but idk the original series despite clearly working with cbc and hbo always had this diy energy, vs the new season just very much felt like oh this is a corporate thing that was location scouted and filmed on a lot
but what's interesting about this fault is that you look into anything else the kids in the hall have made themselves in the past decades and it still has that exact diy aesthetic, sometimes unintentionally but that's the best part. like, i'm the most familiar with scott's works for obvious reasons, but you look at something like contemporary mouth congress music videos or any other video project scott's made just bc he wanted to make it and you can see obvious green screens, the fact that it was clearly filmed on an iPhone, using stuff around the house as props, etc. and if you look at bruce's youtube channel you get that sense as well, and it's so delightful to see bc yeah this comedy isn't a corporate entity, it's just something these guys have to make bc they are passionate about it
anyway i guess what i'm saying is if they ever decide to do another kith revival season they should have paul bellini direct it on his iphone 5 and film 99% of it at the toronto library's green screen room
idk maybe this post is too niche bc a lot of the stuff i'm citing (i.e. mouth congress music videos) hasn't actually been released yet and also i have literally been on these diy sets in the past year where someone just set up a pop-up greenscreen in their living room and my "job" is to make sure the pets don't wander into frame. but yeah idk i find it very funny that watching the revival my only complaint was the lack of that genuine diy spirit and then one year later i'm part of that type of production
#no idea if this is relatable i just had thoughts lmao#this is also inspired by the obvious greenscreen and using-his-real-cast-as-a-prop in scott's promotional video#like again it's probably bc i've been there when scott and paul are just casually filming something at paul's apartment#but i look at something like that and i can just feel all the conversations that went into putting it together#and it's funny bc i get that sense watching the original kith tv show but not as much the amazon show#(which is wild bc i have heard behind the scenes stories from the amazon show too??? spoiler alert people were very stressed)#and i also think the diy tendencies are why i even had a chance to connect with the kids in the hall#bc so many comedians just get accustomed to working exclusively on projects that a studio has set out for them#but the kids in the hall and ESPECIALLY paul bellini love smaller projects where they get to build something from the ground up#paul has made 5 different feature films that he wrote and directed and filmed entirely on an iphone 5#(not sure if they were all specifically that model of phone he may have upgraded at some point lmao)#(also he's planning to release them onto youtube soon!!)#but yeah the goal with these iphone films was never to win every award and make a bunch of money. it's the passion for making movies#and i think since i'm a very diy-oriented person who's like ''idc if someone gives me permission i'm gonna make a multimedia musical''#that's what made paul see potential in me which is why i even got the chance to do any of this stuff#anyway i guess what i'm saying is my advice for everyone is: just make the thing! even if you have no budget and no backing#bc even a scaled-down version of the thing is still impressive bc you made it!!#if scott thompson can film a ''crowd scene'' in scottland by drawing faces on a bunch of fingers and just filming people's hands#you can make your project something iconic
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#all you have to create is something about skinny white men in love and everyone will care about you and them#anything else is just nothing to you ppl lol#what’s the point of trying to be an artist I swear I just wanna give up coz I can’t create enough finished art in general#WHY CANT I DRAW LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS A KID. it felt so easy and now I’m scared to do it for no reason ugh!!#i wish I was interested in the same things as everyone else coz at least then the quality wouldn’t matter and people would care anyway#sorry I know this comes across as really childish and mean and yeh it is I’m just venting#coz sometimes I look at certain popular profiles and stuff and it makes me ache coz I’ll never be a part of the big club where you can feel#love and I’ll never be able to coz I’m just a robot thing with no humanity!!!#even the LITERAL ROBOT is still reduced in the fandom to being shipped like just fuck off all of you#one of my bigger recent passion Roberts is a story and even when I have some motivation and energy I just remember that literally not a sing#single person on earth has any reason to care about it and why should they! so I just feel like crawling into a hole and sulking like a piss#pissbaby which is what I’m doing lol#just because it’s not about young skinny men and the ‘purity/beauty/divinity/superiority of romantic love </3’ and#and YUMMY SQUISHY ORGANIC RED PASSIONATE things because illl never be a part of all of that anyway#I’m not amazing I don’t have the inherent drama and meaningfulness of romantic love in me as a potential so I’m basically nothing#my life means nothing because i can’t feel the one thing that matters#-(one thing that matters according to the world and like all communities and societies and any place to feel like you’re a part of somethin#)#and if your broken (empty of romantic love) like me you’re told to go play by yourself in the corner and not complain that#everyone else gets to be in the group#‘just do your own thing it doesn’t matter what society thinks’ is well meaning and <3 but for me I just hear ‘don’t be a part of us’#what if I want to be a part of something? what if I want society to know and understand me?
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spiderman makes my autism EXPLODE
#i havent even like read many of the comic ive read like. 5 of the really old ones#and i have no clue abt any of the other spiderppl past spiderverse#but smth abt it…… I EXPLODE#very passionate abt smth i actually know very little abt LOLOL#watch. spectacular spiderman btw. best spidey show EVAR#im constantly rotating peter in my mind. but like the version in my brain#cringe nerd lame ass peter#glasses autism FREAK peter 💖#i have a spiderman costume LOL i got it for halloween or smth#its so fun to wear but SO AWFUL sensory wise#umm. my opinions on the movies is that the original trilogy is god like. even 3. its so artistic to me#the garfield ones ive seen like. twice ever but his characterisation is fun. fuck them forver for that lizard design#mcu…. SNORE. SNORE#i hate the tony stuff aoooo much man. i hope if they make more shit w spidey they actually let him be his own character#the recent one was fun. i havrnt seen the directors cut or whatever tho#farts#i shld draw him. tbh
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