#even if my passion is drawing stuff like this
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enigma-the-mysterious · 15 hours ago
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AITA for trying to accomplish my father's dreams and hurting my best friend in the process?
Alright, here we go. So, I (30M) have been working on a pretty intense task for the last few years. I made a promise to someone very dear to me—my father, to be exact—that I would do whatever it takes to accomplish it. To do this, I had to take some drastic steps. We’re talking undercover stuff, working within a system that’s more rotten than an overripe jackfruit, all to get closer to taking down the enemy from the inside.
To accomplish this mission, I needed a special promotion. I have been putting myself through hell and back, but those racist assholes at higher up kept passing over me to promote Mediocre White Dude #57. Then a few months ago, I finally, FINALLY made some solid progress when my boss's wife guaranteed me the promotion if I could track down and arrest some anonymous dude who was proving to be a security issue for my boss. Pretty straightforward, right?
Now here’s the issue. At about the same time a few months ago, I met this guy; let’s call him A (26M) for now. My work-life balance had honestly been, well, shitty to say the least, thanks to my father's mission, and I barely had the time to socialize and make any meaningful connections in the city I moved in. Meeting with A had been a chance encounter too. Long story short, we clicked instantly and became fast friends. He is a great guy all around— smart, funny, passionate, good natured, kind, helpful— just about everything you can possibly wish for in a friend (although he could be a little naive sometimes).
But here’s the kicker: a few days earlier, I found out that A has been lying to me about... basically EVERYTHING! ALL this time. He is not from the city; the people he claimed to be his family are not even related to him. Even his name isn't A, it's B! But what's worse is that he is exactly the guy I was supposed to arrest. And he was on a mission too. Except his mission was not targeting my boss, it was to rescue someone— his sister M (9F) to be exact— my boss and his wife had kidnapped and enslaved (long story). Yup, that’s right, we were on opposite sides without even realizing it.
Things escalated quickly. I... well… I had to make a choice. I chose to betray him to keep up my own cover and stick with my father's mission. And yeah, it was brutal— there was a literal fight to the death involved. I tried to convince him at first to surrender without fighting, but of course B didn't listen and refused to back down. I can’t even begin to explain how much it hurt to turn on someone I came to respect, even love…. uhh…. like a brother, of course.
And then, to rub salt to the wound, once I arrested him, my boss (FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK HIM FUCK DIE BITCH) ordered me to flog B publicly till he fell to his knees and begged for mercy. Yeah, those were his exact words, that bastard! I felt like I had no choice, so I did what I was told. And it was one of the worst days of my life. I kept asking B to kneel so I could end the torture, but he is one stubborn and tough motherfucker and decided he would rather suffer through a public torture session than kneel. My dickface boss and his bitch wife weren't satisfied with how little blood I was drawing out of B, so they kept escalating the torture until B couldn't take it anymore and fell unconscious.
I ended up hurting him so badly, both physically and emotionally. It is fucking me up, honestly. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even get out of my bed right now. I honestly feel like dying.
So, AITA for betraying and hurting my best friend to accomplish my father's mission? I did what I thought was necessary to save countless lives, but I can’t shake the feeling that maybe I went too far.
Edit: No, B did not know that I worked for the people who kidnapped his sister. He did not befriend me to take advantage of my position, as some of you have been implying. He did not, I repeat, he did NOT betray me. If anyone has betrayed and wronged him, it's me!
Edit 2: No, I didn't tell B my real intentions and my father's mission. Didn't you read the post? I am working UNDERCOVER!
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borreall · 5 months ago
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Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses[...]
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ducktracy · 3 months ago
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i've been in a very "nostalgic for SpongeBob" mood lately and that's warranted a lot of reflecting on Baby Me being a Sponge fanatic and thinking of what she'd think of now. and i have to say that one of my favorite parts of doing what i do--and also the most stupidly niche--is that one of my first online hyperfixations i recall having was SpongeBob production music. i remember animating magical girl transformations in Flipnote to SPONGEBOB MUSIC. i remember feeling so smart researching all the songs and getting to hear them without any dialogue on top. very gratifying to 11 year old me. i was and am still very fixated on production music, and so i always get very excited when seeing uploads of these songs and spotting a screenshot of a scene i worked on among them. one of my favorite aspects of watching episodes premiere is seeing what music they added on top of scenes i touched. it's just neat how many facets my thankfulness for Doing What I'm Doing gets to reach. i'm never not thinking of how grateful i am to be doing what i'm doing
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quinns-art-box · 1 year ago
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rarepair week day 6: pride/postcard
some gals!!!! i hc ibuki as aroace and peko as bi+ace and i ship them in a qpr :] love drawing characters with pride flags
@dr-rarepair-week-blog
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idolomantises · 2 years ago
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there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities
#txt#was watching supereyepatchwolf's video on chainsaw man again and listening to fujimoto express regret about things he didnt learn#and how he's clearly envious of his peers is so... comforting?#i think about my own strengths and flaws and often times i get so frustrated with my shortcomings#im not good at drawing feet; my backgrounds are purposefully simplistic and lack a lot of detail; sometimes my designs have a tendency to#overlap or feel very 'safe' in terms of what i really want to do#its why; despite my love for clowning on media and animated works. i never want to feel like its from a place of malice#the joy of art is always seeing those little mistakes and nuances. its also noticing the achievements other creators have made that you#still lack#even for a certain hell-based show i love to poke fun at for its many. many issues. its undeniable how incredibly passionate the work is.#and i do respect anyone who is willing to get their flawed media out there (myself included)#i see stuff about people calling me their inspo or how flattered they are when i compliment their work and its like. gee. i hold myself at#such a high bar and even still im always surprise when people tell me how much my work moved and changed them#i really love writing just little fun things that i just dont really see anyone else touching and its kind of fun how despite my own#personal grievances with my own flaws and mistakes#people really do find things that they love within them.#anyways I know this is getting long but I’ve just been getting sentimental abt the creation of art#sometimes people make fun of me for love of drawing women and lesbians and bugs and so on#and while I will never let me deter me from my process. sometimes it does get to me#but then I remember that I love doing this and could ever see myself holding back#and knowing despite how other people feel. I have so many followers who resonate with my weird ass shit#that it’s all worth it. ya know?
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a-selkie-abroad · 3 months ago
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staring at these sketches wondering how the fuck my arts improved so much so quickly
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rexscanonwife · 3 months ago
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Sigh...I miss my star wars hyperfixation
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I miss it a lot
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bmpmp3 · 7 months ago
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fish......
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tunapesto · 1 year ago
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cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)
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anonyanonymouse · 2 months ago
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🙈
#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭
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jatlokgwo · 4 months ago
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i need to invent new words to explain how much i love them and how they make me feel so that i can tell them and somehow they will know what that word means and !!!!!!!!!
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rouge-the-bat · 4 months ago
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the adhd-fueled desperation to create for hyperfixation vs my adhd struggle to do anything or even decide between the million ideas i have is my own personal hell. im dying squirtle
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toxooz · 2 years ago
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Hi Toxooz, how do you get yourself to draw so frequently? 👀👀👀
bc i have literally 84 things going on at once in my brain at all times that my highly visually obsessed brain Has To physically get in front of my eyes so that i can see or else will i think abt it over and over again and Brother I'm always envisioning things characters scenes scenarios outfits designs colors all of it in my cranium like angry itchy itchy ITCHY bees until i draw them out lmfao even if i don't know what to specifically draw at the current moment imma still end up drawing somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think at this point it's literally hardwired into my brain that I Gotta draw its what I've been doing since I could hold a pencil tbh it's how i cope with being -gestures vaguely- Here and alive, i actually gotta force myself to take a day off and schedule days where I DONT draw bc I know it's wearing on my hands and wrists 😬 I guess physically drawing grounds me in a way and keeps me (mostly) sane like if I don't draw for a few days i start getting Vaguely Antsy it's fukkin weird and i think at this point my love for my characters has surpassed like any form of art block if that makes sense??? like they literally take up 92% of my brain if not more, and the only way to see them is to draw them but yeah it's just what i do it's my jelly n my jam which is why I'm literally so glad i realized that i don't want to make drawing a job/career bc God help me if i start dreading drawing bc of the stress of money I've been drawing like crazy for like 2 decades straight and I only wanna draw more man idk!!!!! It's just one of them 'how the brain formed around what you do an assload of times' thangs
Answer translation: idk I just like to draw a lot lmfao
#its like the kids say ✨💅its how i express myself✨💅#and dont get it twisted im aware this is not healthy lmfao#dont aspire to b like me just draw or dont draw man its abt the want#like i said drawing is just What I Do at this point i didnt train theres not some ''oh draw for at least 30 minutes a day' shit#i draw fast as shit (probably obviously ) and so much its probably unnatural AHA#the secret is make drawing the only outlet for your brain to not completely self implode at the mere idea of existing#for 24 years!!!!! :)#honestly thats why im getting progressively more Tired when every mf and their grandma tries to convince me to sell my shits#like brother this is a part of me how can i give away something i created and inevitably formed a bond with for like 100 bucks#i caint do it and so if i go in with the expectation to imediately give it away then man i dont even want to be making art in the first pl#like for me Personally if im not going to make something that i fall in love with and want to look at occasionally then#Literally what is the point of me making anything#what is the point of me making my body and mind create a piece if not for my own personal joy???#but thats just physical art ig#like digital stuff and selling it for money if some1 wants it im aight but physical paintings??? that shit is Me and Mine#like just bc i Can make art doesnt immediately mean i need to make money from it yknow#my brother in christ when it comes to the the only true outlet for me to find joy and inspiration in living i Do Not care about money#i will take any amount of shitty job abuse if it means i conserve my passion#ill get a scarring accident from welding before i will stress cry over a deadline for a project that i dont even want to do#absolutely terrified of that path and feeling it is The Worst for me#like literally thank FUCK i realized this when i was just in a community college and not balls deep in debt at some fancy university#granted late as all hell and all my opportunities of taking free welding classes in my early years have long passed but still glad#just stick me on an abandoned island with canvases n paint n shit and ill b fine#god knew if i managed my time better and wasnt Really Fucking Exhausted all the time i would be unstoppable#like ofc making money while drawing what i want is the dream no doubt but the chances of that are slim and the road to get there is even#slimmer#ANYWAY holy shit not to get hella preachy but i have Thots
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weaselishmcdiesel · 7 months ago
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have you / will you read post canon? I find it interesting, there's definitely problems but I find some moments really cool and taking a whole new direction with homestucks initial ending makes it very special. it's definitely not perfect, tends to be like TV-MA homestuck, but I feel like there's a lot of aspects underneath the dir(k)t that make it charming in its own way. Maybe it's just the perspective I like to read things in though.
I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone speak kindly about post canon (that’s homestuck 2 right? The candy and meat thing?). It’s nice to know there are some people who enjoy it amidst the hate it goes through. I’m sure lots of people put a lot of effort into it. That being said, no, I’m afraid I’m not interested in reading it. I don’t have a big reason besides just being content with where homestuck ended. And also I’m discouraged by the bad things I have heard.
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magentagalaxies · 1 year ago
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on the note of kith season 6 (didn't want to derail the other post but have been thinking about this lately): one of the only things i disliked - or, rather, that felt off about the revival - was how crisp everything felt in terms of the aesthetic. like ik filmmaking technology has evolved since 1994 and they couldn't do the live studio audience even tho they wanted to bc of covid, but idk the original series despite clearly working with cbc and hbo always had this diy energy, vs the new season just very much felt like oh this is a corporate thing that was location scouted and filmed on a lot
but what's interesting about this fault is that you look into anything else the kids in the hall have made themselves in the past decades and it still has that exact diy aesthetic, sometimes unintentionally but that's the best part. like, i'm the most familiar with scott's works for obvious reasons, but you look at something like contemporary mouth congress music videos or any other video project scott's made just bc he wanted to make it and you can see obvious green screens, the fact that it was clearly filmed on an iPhone, using stuff around the house as props, etc. and if you look at bruce's youtube channel you get that sense as well, and it's so delightful to see bc yeah this comedy isn't a corporate entity, it's just something these guys have to make bc they are passionate about it
anyway i guess what i'm saying is if they ever decide to do another kith revival season they should have paul bellini direct it on his iphone 5 and film 99% of it at the toronto library's green screen room
idk maybe this post is too niche bc a lot of the stuff i'm citing (i.e. mouth congress music videos) hasn't actually been released yet and also i have literally been on these diy sets in the past year where someone just set up a pop-up greenscreen in their living room and my "job" is to make sure the pets don't wander into frame. but yeah idk i find it very funny that watching the revival my only complaint was the lack of that genuine diy spirit and then one year later i'm part of that type of production
#no idea if this is relatable i just had thoughts lmao#this is also inspired by the obvious greenscreen and using-his-real-cast-as-a-prop in scott's promotional video#like again it's probably bc i've been there when scott and paul are just casually filming something at paul's apartment#but i look at something like that and i can just feel all the conversations that went into putting it together#and it's funny bc i get that sense watching the original kith tv show but not as much the amazon show#(which is wild bc i have heard behind the scenes stories from the amazon show too??? spoiler alert people were very stressed)#and i also think the diy tendencies are why i even had a chance to connect with the kids in the hall#bc so many comedians just get accustomed to working exclusively on projects that a studio has set out for them#but the kids in the hall and ESPECIALLY paul bellini love smaller projects where they get to build something from the ground up#paul has made 5 different feature films that he wrote and directed and filmed entirely on an iphone 5#(not sure if they were all specifically that model of phone he may have upgraded at some point lmao)#(also he's planning to release them onto youtube soon!!)#but yeah the goal with these iphone films was never to win every award and make a bunch of money. it's the passion for making movies#and i think since i'm a very diy-oriented person who's like ''idc if someone gives me permission i'm gonna make a multimedia musical''#that's what made paul see potential in me which is why i even got the chance to do any of this stuff#anyway i guess what i'm saying is my advice for everyone is: just make the thing! even if you have no budget and no backing#bc even a scaled-down version of the thing is still impressive bc you made it!!#if scott thompson can film a ''crowd scene'' in scottland by drawing faces on a bunch of fingers and just filming people's hands#you can make your project something iconic
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mrburnsnuclearpussy · 1 year ago
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#all you have to create is something about skinny white men in love and everyone will care about you and them#anything else is just nothing to you ppl lol#what’s the point of trying to be an artist I swear I just wanna give up coz I can’t create enough finished art in general#WHY CANT I DRAW LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS A KID. it felt so easy and now I’m scared to do it for no reason ugh!!#i wish I was interested in the same things as everyone else coz at least then the quality wouldn’t matter and people would care anyway#sorry I know this comes across as really childish and mean and yeh it is I’m just venting#coz sometimes I look at certain popular profiles and stuff and it makes me ache coz I’ll never be a part of the big club where you can feel#love and I’ll never be able to coz I’m just a robot thing with no humanity!!!#even the LITERAL ROBOT is still reduced in the fandom to being shipped like just fuck off all of you#one of my bigger recent passion Roberts is a story and even when I have some motivation and energy I just remember that literally not a sing#single person on earth has any reason to care about it and why should they! so I just feel like crawling into a hole and sulking like a piss#pissbaby which is what I’m doing lol#just because it’s not about young skinny men and the ‘purity/beauty/divinity/superiority of romantic love </3’ and#and YUMMY SQUISHY ORGANIC RED PASSIONATE things because illl never be a part of all of that anyway#I’m not amazing I don’t have the inherent drama and meaningfulness of romantic love in me as a potential so I’m basically nothing#my life means nothing because i can’t feel the one thing that matters#-(one thing that matters according to the world and like all communities and societies and any place to feel like you’re a part of somethin#)#and if your broken (empty of romantic love) like me you’re told to go play by yourself in the corner and not complain that#everyone else gets to be in the group#‘just do your own thing it doesn’t matter what society thinks’ is well meaning and <3 but for me I just hear ‘don’t be a part of us’#what if I want to be a part of something? what if I want society to know and understand me?
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