#even if it is a ‘product of their environment��� it still isn’t LOVE like pls be fucking serious

[killugon-truther]

“illumi loves killua, it’s just toxic/twisted.”

illumi literally views killua as his property that is his to control as he pleases. all he ever does is abuse & manipulate killua, so how about we stop calling it “love” and start calling it what it ACTUALLY is?

wanting to constantly control, manipulate, hurt, & abusive someone is NOT fucking love, pls learn that, and fast. it’s a bit concerning and incredibly disappointing that some of you don’t know that already, seriously. 💀

genuinely, get some help if you think that shit is “love”.

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

in which you and harry meet again after six months.

a/n: hiiii! this is for @theharriediaries fic challenge! the photo used is the one on the left of the banner, and the dialogue i chose was ‘Is this seat taken?’ ‘By you, I hope.’ & ‘I’m sorry it took us this long.’ thank you for creating this challenge, soph!

thank you @sunflowers-styles for beta reading this for me, mwah! <3

WORD COUNT: 12k of dad!harry with slight angst and fluff (pls appreciate the dilfrry dialogues in this lmao)

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALK ABOUT ‘THE TRAIN RIDE BACK TO US’ I’d love to know your thoughts!

pls rb to share! <3

The gold bell chimed quite loudly, informing the baristas that someone had entered their shop. The aroma of fresh ground coffee beans immediately filled your senses once you pushed open the sage green door as the smell feeling of nostalgia and comforted you. 

Everything looked the same in the coffee shop. The oak wood floor never changed with coffee stains in certain areas that didn’t quite seem to come off all the way, no matter how hard the employees scrubbed—but it gave the shop character, in your opinion. Different colored potted plants filled the shop in every corner and on the clean white windowsill, making the place look lively. Crisp oxygen mixed with Columbian coffee beans flowed around the shop, making customers want to come back to a comfortable environment. Black and white bistro tables sat within the café, with silver metal bases, holding the circular table tops up as they alternated with colors along the built-in brown bench against the light-gray colored wall; with matching black and white metal chairs that practically screeched against the oak wood floors when someone was trying to scoot in or out of the table. 

The entire shop was the exact same from what you remembered it to be six months ago. The only difference was that when you sat on the wooden bench, specifically at the black table in the corner that was right next to the window, the person who was supposed to be in front of you wouldn’t be there; and for that, your heart dropped a little. 

Trying not to think too much about your change of mood, you ordered your usual—an iced mocha latte with a pump of sweet vanilla syrup—before you paid and turned around to see which tables were available. The usual corner table was staring right at you, practically mocking you, and you wished that the table was occupied, but then you would’ve felt wrong sitting at a different table when yours was clearly open. 

You took your seat on the bench, and almost immediately, you started shaking your leg underneath the table. Your seat felt hot, as if the wood was catching fire underneath you, burning your legs and making you antsy. 

Luckily, the shop wasn’t crowded so it took the baristas less than six minutes to make your drink and to call out your name from behind the counter. Quickly, standing up from the burning hot seat, you made your way to the counter, thanking Mel for the drink. Since coming here, you had become quite a constant in the cute Portland coffee shop. Mel was one of the employees that had worked at the shop the longest, so she made everyone’s drinks because she knew the menu the best. So, you caught up with her a bit, and inevitably, she asked where you had been. 

“You didn’t find a better coffee shop did you?” She teased, making you chuckle. 

“No, I’ve just been, uh, too busy to come around. But I promise, your drinks and shop are still the best,” you said truthfully, to which she beamed. To this day, you hadn’t found a superior coffee shop than ‘Coava’ because the others just didn’t compare—they didn’t make you feel the same way you did with this one. “But thanks for the coffee.” You gave her one last smile before you turned around to make your way back to your table. 

And then the bell chimed. 

It was as if the sun was peeking out through the clouds; the sun beams strongly pointed down onto the wet pavement after a night of rain, leaving the air with its pleasant smell of petrichor. He was the light that seeped through the curtains, and you knew it was going to be a lovely day. 

“Harry…” you stopped in your tracks, careful not to spill the contents of your coffee cup. Your heart skipped several beats once he flashed you his gorgeous smile that you were still hopelessly in love with. 

“Hi, Y/N.” Harry mindlessly played with the buttons of his coat as he mentally tried to situate the nerves in his head and stomach. His breath felt like it was stuck in his throat, making his voice slightly trail off with a crack to the tone. 

It felt like the two of you were the only ones in the coffee shop—minus the locals who were sitting at the tables, minding their own business, or wondering what the fuck they were doing standing in the middle of the shop—completely and fully captured by the other’s stare and presence. 

The loud screeching noise of steam took you out of your dazy trance as you cleared your throat. Harry looked down at his feet before looking up at you through his lashes, shyly intertwining his hands behind his back. 

“Uh, would you like to join me?” 

Harry raised his brows at your proposal, pursing his lips to contain his giddy excitement. “S-Sure.” You took a deep breath before you started to walk towards the table in the corner—one he was also very familiar with. “This seat...Is this seat taken?” He asked politely but, almost instantly, mentally cursed himself because you wouldn’t have invited him if you were with someone. 

You didn’t catch his slip up, instead, you smiled as your face grew warm. “By you, I hope.” Harry blushed, taking a seat on the black metal chair across from you. 

“So, how’ve you been? It’s been a while since I last saw you,” you mentioned. 

It’d been six months since the last time you saw and sat in front of Harry—a very long six months. The conversation six months ago wasn’t the most happiest of memories because that  conversation brought in the heartache and heartbreak; the chat had included the mutual separation of your relationship that involved tears, chest pain, and as always, the smell of Colombian coffee that surrounded your afflictive conversation, hoping it would calm the tension between you two. 

“Yeah, it has been a while, but I’m doing okay. How are you?” 

“I’m good.” There was a bit of awkwardness swirling in the air, and you absolutely despised it—you wanted it to leave the shop and never return. You had always imagined what it would be like bumping into Harry again, more importantly, what you would say to him. And despite all those moments daydreaming of finding the right words, you were completely stuck, and you fully blamed it on the awkward tension. “Can we not be…y’know, awkward? That’s not us,” you simply said. 

Harry let out a sigh of relief, adding a breathy laugh. “Yes, yes, of course. You’re right, that isn’t us at all.” Mel brought him an iced black coffee since it was his usual, and she saw that he didn’t get the chance to order because he was immediately occupied by the sight of you. He softly thanked her with a smile, only taking his attention off of you for a split second before his eyes were right back on you; he didn’t know what this conversation would lead to, nor did he want to get his hopes up, so that meant spending every moment with his complete attention and eyes averted to you. “I miss you…” he said. 

There was a sense of relief as you exhaled deeply, glad that he wasn’t the only one who was missing the other. His words had brought a flutter of butterflies to your stomach, soaring as they pleased while your face felt warm. 

You and Harry had been together for a year and a half before calling it quits. For most of the relationship, it was happiness and bliss—occasional fights, but they weren’t frequent—towards the last few months however, things were getting a bit stressful. You remembered the days like it was yesterday as the vivid memory crept inside of your head...

It was nearing nine in the evening and the house was quiet. The silence was louder than the ongoing noise inside your head that was constantly yelling at you, making your head ache from the incessant thoughts. It was safe to say that you weren’t happy, and that even Harry wasn’t happy either. But you had only gotten a glimpse of him during the evening, so you were simply assuming that he wasn’t content—but it was a very logical assumption since every time he looked at you, it seemed like he was becoming more stressed out by the minute; as if he didn’t already have a lot on his plate during the day, and by night, he would still have to deal with whatever argument and fight either of you would pick for no apparent reason. 

It started with petty little arguments, getting annoyed and frustrated at the other because of burnt toast or something as small as running out of detergent for the laundry. But fighting over nothing had turned into completely confessing that you weren’t happy anymore, and that the exhaustion had gotten to you. 

“I-I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Harry,” you said in between your sobs that you tried to contain. “All we’re doing is hurting each other���we’re not even happy together anymore!” 

It felt like his heart was exploding, but it was the truth. “Darling…” 

“You can’t lie and tell me that we’re happy together because it’s obvious that we’re not.” You wiped the tears from your face, leaving your skin damp from the moisture. 

Harry sighed deeply, knowing he couldn’t argue anymore. He felt defeated and upset with himself; it was like he was doing well in everything else or at least trying, and he couldn’t even do his part in being a good boyfriend to you. He knew part of the reason why both of you weren’t happy was because of the neglectance, and both of you were too exhausted to even communicate that feeling. You two were both independent entrepreneurs—always knowing when to close business and how to make a well deserved investment or sale with others who were trying to buy whatever stock or product. But when it came down to each other, to Y/N and Harry, it seemed like the individuals that were trying to please and charm others had dissipated, leaving no room or patience for each other. 

“We’re both busy, Harry, I get that. And maybe it’s best if we call it quits until everything settles down—until we both know what we want—”

“I want you,” he interrupted. 

You softly huffed, looking down at your lap as you slightly nodded before you looked up at him again. He had tears streaming down his face and more forming in his eyes; you loved that he wasn’t embarrassed or afraid to show his true emotions—he was being vulnerable every time he let his guard down, and for that, you would appreciate him forever. 

Muffled, static cracks followed by quiet little groans were heard from the baby monitor on the coffee table. Harry glanced at it before looking back at you, knowing he had to take care of his number one priority, and who were you to stop him? So, you nodded, tilting your head towards the room, and he sadly smiled before heading towards the nursery. 

You walked over to the kitchen counter, grabbed a pen and paper, and wrote ‘Meet me at Coava tomorrow. Usual time.’ before you placed it on the coffee table beside the monitor. As you were leaving, you heard soft humming coming from the baby monitor, and your heart squeezed, frowning as this was most likely going to be the last time you were going to be in this house. Taking one look around, you took in all of the memories that you made in the building that made you feel safe and warm before you stepped out, immediately welcomed by the cool temperatures of the evening. 

The next afternoon when you walked into Coava, Harry was already sitting at the usual table you two sat at. His head was down, mindlessly wiping down the condensation that formed outside of his glass. You took a seat in front of him without saying a word, making him look up. He had dark circles around eyes as he hadn’t gotten much sleep. 

“Hi,” you whispered. There was your usual cup of iced coffee placed in front of you. “Thank you for the coffee.” 

He nodded and smiled softly, despite his current mood. “Hello.” 

You took a deep breath. “So…where do we go from here?” 

Harry sadly looked at you with desperation in his eyes that spoke, no, begged you to tell him to stay, to tell him that you two could and would work this out. But it seemed like you hadn’t received that specific message from his green and sorrowful eyes. 

“You were right…We haven’t been able to make time for one another. So, we’ll just…take some time apart.” His heart and voice cracked at the end of his sentence, finding it hard to even form a sentence that didn’t absolutely break him. You nodded, agreeing, but it didn’t hurt any less; you knew this would be best for the two of you because both of you had to focus on yourselves, especially when Harry had his priorities, such as his family, which you weren’t going to make him change whatsoever. “Okay…so, we’re over.” He hadn’t said it as a question but rather a way to see that realization. 

You reached across the table, placing your hand on his, and you were lucky that he didn’t pull away. “Harry, this doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I…will always love you.” 

“And I’ll always love you too,” he said honestly. 

Behind the civil and mature conversation that occurred, there was sadness and heartbreak. There were no more smiles or laughs, no more love and affection, or anymore meet-ups during lunch or coffee dates during breaks. The painful look on Harry’s face had only pained you even more, but you both knew this split-up and time apart was for the best. 

That was six months ago. 

Now, as you sat across Harry, you felt an overwhelming rush of relief and joy; he just looked happier and you saw a familiar glint in his eyes as he looked at you. It may not be the same sparkle of love as it once was, which you were afraid it wasn’t, but there was still some kind of sparkle—the kind someone would give when they reunite with an old friend. 

“The kids miss you—they miss you a lot.” 

Your eyes look at him fondly at the mention of his children. “Really?” 

“Yeah, they do. They said, and I quote, they miss their ‘pretty fairy second mom,’” Harry said quite proudly. 

Harry had three kids that you absolutely adored. There was Mira and Estelle, seven-year-old twins that looked like their father. Mira was very energetic and talkative—that little girl could talk for hours on end without missing a beat; Estelle was more quiet and reserved, but once you started hanging around, she opened up and was quite fun to have a laugh with. Then there was the sweet little two-year-old boy, Rory, who resembled his mother. He was always babbling and giggling, so happy and free. 

If Harry was being honest, Rory was a complete accident. Him and his ex had separated and broken up when the twins were four, but they were still seeing each other. Those occasional hangouts led to another child, which they both thought would help them bond, but six months into the pregnancy, they both knew it wasn’t right anymore—not like before. So, they stuck to coparenting and, if they were speaking the truth, it was much better than being together. 

When Rory was six months old, that was when Harry met you. On an unexpected literal run in the park when you and Harry were on your daily runs, the trail was only narrow and small enough for one person to run. So, when you and Harry were running towards each other, you braced yourself for the awkwardness you were about to face with the man. Harry politely smiled, moving to his left, only for you to move to your right, which made you both giggle. The two of you then moved to the opposite side, only to clash again. The thought was quite hilarious to the two of you, so you both started laughing, clutching your stomachs. Once you two calmed down, Harry then said that he was going to his left, so you moved to your left, running the opposite directions from each other. 

At the end of the trail and on your way to the parking lot, you saw Harry finish the same trail but exit from the other side. And if it said anything more, you parked right next to his car as well. Harry smiled, dimples flashing and asked you how your run was, which then led to a bit of small talk. In the six minutes you two were talking, Harry made the impulsive decision to ask you if you would like some coffee. He wouldn’t have asked if it were anyone else, and until that moment he didn’t even know  if he was ready to date again. But he took the chance and decided to ask you, and luckily, you said yes. 

The rest was history. 

“I miss them so much too.” You smiled softly, thinking about the kids that you had thought of as your own. 

“I, uh, I know it’s too much to ask, but I figured I should ask either way…Would you like to see them? Mira would never live it down if I told them that I saw you and didn’t ask if you wanted to see them.” He added a chuckle at the end, nerves creeping up his skin. 

Your eyes lit up. “Really? You’d let me see them?” 

Harry raised his brows. “Yeah, of course! You could see them anytime you want, if you’d like. Just because we’re not, y’know, together doesn’t mean that you can’t see them. I know how much you love them and how much they love you too,” he reassured. 

“Would Laurie be okay with that?” You asked about his ex and the mother of said children. 

He nodded. “Yeah, she would. I mean, she also knows how much they love you.” Harry was lucky that the mother of his children and his ex was so kind and chill with having someone that Harry loved be ‘another mother’ to her children; all Laurie really asked of you was to not try and replace her role as their mom and to always keep them safe when she wasn’t around, and who were you to disrespect her wishes? 

“Harry, I would love to, thank you. I really do miss them.” You felt yourself getting a bit emotional because of how much you missed the kids, and it’d felt like an eternity since you last saw them. 

“Great! Tomorrow is the weekend, so are you free to go to the park and maybe get some ice cream after?” 

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” You smiled, not too widely as you tried to contain your excitement. 

Harry smiled back at you before quickly looking at his phone to check the time. “I gotta get back. But I’ll see you tomorrow and will text you the details tonight.” 

“Okay, see you soon.” You stood up to hug him, and his arm immediately wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his chest. His stomach was doing flips as he felt your breath against the crook of his neck. He didn’t want the moment to end, and it was the most physical contact that you two had in six months. 

Pulling away, he offered you a smile before bidding you goodbye, and you finally let out the breath you had been holding the moment the bell chimed and the man you still loved walked in. 

A soft blush was planted on Harry’s cheeks for the entire day. He was driving from work to Laurie’s house to pick up his beloved children as he thought about how his day turned out to be. 

In all honesty, he hadn’t expected to see you in the coffee shop that you two had gone to throughout the entirety of your relationship. He had just gotten out of a meeting and was debating on going to Coava because he hadn’t been there since the day you two called it quits, but he figured it was time and thought that maybe reminiscing on the memories you two had with each other wasn’t a bad thing. So, he walked into that shop thinking he was just going to get a coffee to-go, but he had gone in there and left with something so much better. 

The moment his eyes landed on yours his mind had screamed and reassured him that he wasn’t just dreaming that you were standing right in front of him, he felt his stomach drop in the best way. The heat had rushed to his cheeks, tugging on the corners of his lips, urging his mouth to smile, and he did not hold back his joy when he saw you. You were beautiful, just like he remembered, but he had no doubt that there wasn’t a day that went by where you weren’t not absolutely stunning. 

And the giddy feeling he felt when he asked you if you’d like to see the kids made his heart tumble inside of his chest as he couldn’t wait for you and the kids to finally see each other again. 

Harry pulled into Laurie’s driveway, and he quickly got out and knocked on the door, waiting for Laurie to answer. He chuckled as he could practically hear the twins screaming from across the house to make sure they had everything they needed. When the door opened, he was met by his ex that he once loved, and still had some platonic love for her, naturally, as the mother of his children. 

“Hey, Harry! They’re just getting their stuff ready,” she greeted with a smile, opening the door wider as she walked away from the entrance and let him in. She grabbed Rory from the couch, who was mindlessly playing with a giant puzzle piece, and gave him many kisses to his cheeks before saying goodbye to her son and handing him off to Harry. 

Rory’s eyes lightened up at the sight of his father. “Dada!”

“Hi, my sweet boy. I’ve missed you.” He placed soft kisses to his chubby and squeezable cheeks. 

“Girls, dad’s waiting!” Laurie called out from the bottom of the stairway before turning back towards Harry. “Why do you look like that?” She gave him a knowing look. 

“Like what?” Harry asked, acting like he didn’t know what she was talking about. The blush really gave him away, he thought. 

“You’re just…extra happy today.” 

“Can’t I be happy, Laurie? To see my kids?” He teased, smirking as he hugged Rory to his chest. 

“I mean, sure, but…did something happen today?” 

His smile widened, and it was like he couldn’t contain the exciting feeling anymore and he just had to tell someone. “I saw Y/N today.” 

Her brows raised. “Really? How is she?” 

“She’s doing well, yeah. We talked for a little bit.” Was all that he told her. 

“And I’m assuming it went well.” He nodded, not wanting to tell her more. “Well, that’s great, Harry. She was, is, a lovely woman and she took care of the kids, so that’s all that matters to me,” Laurie said genuinely; she wasn’t jealous, if she was being honest. All that mattered to her was that her kids were in good hands. 

Suddenly more footsteps were coming down the stairs. “Dad!” The twins yelled at the same time. He put Rory down for a moment before he bent down to hug his two girls. 

“Hi, my loves. How are you?” He kissed both of their cheeks, making their small arms hug him tighter. 

“Dad, I scored one hundred percent on all my spelling tests, so I’m qualified for the spelling bee!” Mira explained excitedly once she let go of Harry. 

“Really?! That’s amazing, bug. This week, I’ll help you study for it.” Mira beamed at that before walking over to her mom to say bye. 

“How are you, my sunshine?” He directly asked Estelle, knowing that she was specifically waiting for Harry to have his attention on only her. Even though she’d never told him that, he could tell that sometimes Estelle lets Mira have her moment and wanted to speak with Harry when no one else was paying attention. 

“I’m good. My teacher told me I could become a math…mathmat—daddy, what are they called?” She looked at Harry for help. 

“Look at you, sunshine! I’m so proud of you my little mathematician.” Estelle’s eyes widened. “Is that you meant mathematician, sweetheart?” He smiled. 

“Yes, that! I did good on my math test and even baked cookies for you!” Before Harry could say anything, Estelle ran off to the kitchen to grab the plate of cookies she baked last night. 

“Alright, babies, let’s go. Say bye to mommy.” The kids said their goodbyes before Harry safely buckled them into their car seats and drove home for a week at their father’s. 

When all four of them reached the front door, Harry told the twins to put their belongings away and wash up for dinner. He set Rory down in his high chair before cutting up some bananas in halves, and placing them on the plastic table in front of him for his pre-dinner snack. Knowing that his kids liked home cooked meals better than takeout, fortunately, he set out the ingredients to make some fried rice, which was quick and easy. 

The twins rushed down the stairs once Harry put the leftover rice into the pan filled with sautéed veggies, and they settled onto the couch in front of the TV, waiting for dinner.

“Loves, set the table for me, please!” He called out from the kitchen as he transferred the rice from the pan to a large bowl, topping it with green onions. The girls each had a task for setting the table; Mira was in charge of forks and spoons, and Estelle handled the plates since she was less clums. He rolled Rory’s high chair over to the table, which he was so lucky to have gotten a high chair with wheels because it was so much easier to move him without carrying him and the chair; and he gave everyone an equal scoop, depending on how much they ate, and if they wanted seconds, he would be glad to serve them more. 

As they ate, Harry was occasionally helping Rory eat the rice, just picking up the contents that didn’t make it into his mouth, as Estelle and Mira both took turns talking. Harry loved family dinner, he tried his very best to give all three of his children the attention that they deserved, but dinner was the one time they bonded the most because no one felt competitive or had the urge to start an argument when there was food in front of them. 

“Daddy, how was your day?” Estelle asked curiously, and Harry smiled at his sunshine, as if she was the sun itself, heart swooning. 

“It was great, thanks for asking, my love.” He placed his spoon on his plate. “I actually wanted to talk to you all about something.” The twins didn’t respond, just stared at him, encouraging him to continue. “Do you remember Y/N?” Just at the sound of your name, the crowd went absolutely wild. 

“Y/N, yes!” Screamed Estelle, which was rare for her to raise her voice. 

“Pretty, fairy second mom, of course we remember her, dad!” Mira exclaimed obviously. 

“Fairy!” Rory had repeated the only word he could make out from Mira’s mouth as he fussed because of the volume that had increased from his sisters. 

Harry laughed. “Alright, okay, settle down. Well, I saw her today.” The twins gasped, making him chuckle. It genuinely felt like he was on a talk show with a live audience. “And I wanted to ask you all if you wanted to see her tomorrow? Figured we could go to the park and get some ice cream together?” He asked hesitantly, even though he knew they’d say yes, and he’d get another chance to see you again. 

“Yes!” The girls both answered. 

Harry beamed, turning to Rory. “Bubba, remember Y/N? Your slide friend? Remember you used to go on the slide with Y/N?” Rory giggled, a sound that was Harry’s weakness, and nodded. “Do you wanna see her tomorrow?” 

“Slide with fairy?” Rory asked, and Harry laughed. 

“Yes, slide with fairy,” he confirmed, and Rory nodded his head eagerly. 

Harry smiled, glad his kids were with the plans tomorrow. The rest of the dinner was filled with the twins talking about you; they talked about what you all could do together at the park and what they wanted to show you, and Harry would be lucky if they slept through the entire night without continuously waking up because of their excitement for the upcoming afternoon. 

Once everything was cleaned up and put away, the twins washed and cleaned, Harry give Rory a bath, and everyone was ready for bed, Harry said good night to his babies, spending about five minutes cuddling and talking them to sleep until they fluttered their eyes closed and off to slumber. 

Sighing, Harry closed his door, leaving the baby monitor from Rory’s room on his bedside table before he was able to unwind for the day. He always spent an extra amount of time on his skin care routine, figuring that he sometimes didn’t have time for himself and the only time he had was during nights. 

When he was ready for bed, he felt a huge amount of relief to be getting into bed after a long but grateful day, and he picked up his phone and clicked on your message thread. The last time you two texted was a few weeks after the breakup, asking if you were doing okay, and he could practically feel the awkward tension through the texts as he reread them. But he was glad that this time would be a much lighter and better conversation. 

Hi, Y/N. Hope this is the right number still. But if it is, kids are on board for tomorrow. Does 12:30 work for you? We could meet at the usual park. If it’s not Y/N, please don’t meet at the usual park because the kids are not on board. 

You chuckled at the end of his text, happy to see that Harry is always trying to make jokes and be the comedian. 

Hi, Harry! Don’t worry, this is Y/N. Probably would have hunted the person with my number down to get tomorrow’s plans. But that sounds perfect! I can't wait to see the kids tomorrow. See you then! 

Harry softly smiled at his phone, not feeling the need to respond and figured he would talk to you a lot more tomorrow while the kids are playing. He stared at the message for quite some time, completely blank as he couldn’t believe the chances that he happened to see you at the shop six months after the breakup, and now he’s making plans with you tomorrow; his jaw was aching from smiling so much. 

A few minutes later, he put his phone away to change before he comfortably situated himself under the blanket, feeling the heaviness of his eyes. But once he felt himself starting to drift away into dreamland, his phone buzzed on his nightstand, and he tried his best to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of him, so he picked up his phone and opened the new message. 

And I can’t wait to see you tomorrow too.  

And just like that, Harry was wide awake, struggling to sleep, but a smile permanently etched on his face for the night. 

The day that everyone in the Styles’ household had been waiting for had finally arrived. Luckily, the kids had gotten their needed hours of sleep; Harry had only gotten a few hours of sleep, but when the sun seeped through his curtains, he didn’t dread getting up for the day. Instead, he felt a rush of eagerness, instantly remembering what the day held for him and his kids, and he jumped right out of bed. 

Once the four of them were out of the house, Harry had successfully fed, cleaned, and changed his children with no complaints. The house and car ride was filled with conversations about how excited they were to see you again, asking how many more hours there was until they got to see you and if they were almost at the park. 

Screams bounced off the roof of the car once Harry parked on the side of the curb; the twins had already taken their seatbelts off, getting antsy as they waited for their dad to open the car from the outside. Harry unbuckled Rory, carrying him until he rounded on the other side of the car to open the door for the twins. They quickly jumped out, clearly excited, but Harry did not forget to remind them that this was still a public area and anything could happen. 

“Girls, slow down, please.” Estelle was holding Harry’s hand as Mira was holding her sister’s; Harry was still carrying Rory in his arms because his sister’s were practically lugging Harry with all their might, trying to get to their usual spot, so he didn’t want Rory to get hurt. “Loves, you know Y/N would tell you the exact same thing. Please, just slow down for me.” He pulled the Y/N card on them, knowing that they were better listeners with you than they are with him. 

Once they were all close enough, they spotted a thick beige blanket under the tree with a picnic basket, and you sitting on top of it, setting everything up. 

“Y/N!” The girls both screamed, Estelle letting go of Harry’s hand as they both ran towards you. 

You looked up at the sound of your name, eyes brightening at the little girls running. “My Princesses! Hi, my loves!” You opened your arms widely, inviting the twins into your arms— they practically collided into your arms, making you fall onto your back since you didn’t get the chance to stand up—and embracing them with a big hug. Laughs came out of all of your mouths as wide smiles permanently stayed on your faces. “Oh, I missed you two so much!” You kissed both of their cheeks, making them giggle. You stood up, helping the girls up and brushed their clothes off with your hand from the grass. Harry and Rory were in sight, and Harry put the little boy down, making Rory run towards you. “My sweetheart, oh, you’ve gotten so big.” You hugged Rory to your chest, placing your hand behind his head as your other arm wrapped around his small body. 

You were glad that Rory still had some memory of you, and didn’t shy away behind his father’s leg. You placed soft kisses on his cheeks, taking in his baby scent that you always loved. 

After Rory was starting to fuss in your arms, most likely due to feeling overwhelmed from the lack of space, you let go of him before standing up. 

“Hi, Y/N,” Harry greeted, offering a hug, which you gladly took. 

You rubbed his back. “Hi, Harry. I’m so glad I’m here with you all.” You pulled away, smiling at him. Harry’s heart pounded against his chest at the sight of you smiling up at him. His heart did a backflip at the sight of your gorgeous smile, trickling all the way down to his stomach where it triggered the butterflies to release from the net. 

“Please, we were all really excited to see you. So, thank you for agreeing.” His hand innocently ran down your arm, sending shivers down your spine. 

You turned around to look at the kids who were making themselves comfortable on the blanket. You and Harry joined them as you sat in between Estelle and Rory, and Harry sat in between Mira and Rory. 

“Okay, so I made some sandwiches. You all still like grilled cheese, right?” You hoped, and the twins nodded; you turned towards Rory. “What about you, sweet pea? Grilled cheese?” At the sound of cheese, Rory nodded his head and clapped his hands, making you smile. 

Harry was so lost in his mind and heart that he was simply so distracted in helping you out as you unwrapped the sandwiches from the foil, putting them on a paper plate. He was just so fond of watching you interact with his children so naturally, like there was no time that was wasted when you and Harry were apart. And he was especially happy that the kids still loved you just as much as they did when you two were together; and how they still kept talking about you despite the breakup. 

Aside from you and Harry, the kids had taken the breakup the hardest. From the knowledge they had based on what Harry and Laurie told them, they understood that their mommy and daddy couldn’t be together anymore due to adult reasons; it took them a while to adjust to that, but they eventually managed and figured it was better and more fun. But when Harry had to break the news on why they wouldn’t be seeing their ‘Pretty Fairy Second Mom’ anymore, they took it harder than expected. They simply looked at it as you didn’t want to see them anymore, which wasn’t the case at all, Harry explained. 

“Sometimes adults need to take some time apart, loves. That does not mean that Y/N doesn’t love you anymore because she does very much, I can tell you that. But it's good to have some time to yourself, especially in a relationship.” 

“But daddy, I thought you were gonna be together forever with Y/N,” Estelle spoke up, tears in her eyes. He was lucky that his kids loved you so much, and he never doubted that they weren’t going to. But his fear had come true when you two called it quits and he had to tell them the truth. 

“And maybe we will, but as for right now, it’s best to be apart. Sometimes being apart saves the relationship rather than letting it burn,” he told them honestly, which was the best as he could explain it. 

“D-Does Y/N still love you?” Mira asked softly. It wasn’t like Mira to be so soft spoken, which meant that the breakup had affected her deeply. 

Harry sighed, grabbing both of their small hands. “She does,” he replied for the sake of more tears coming out of their eyes—plus, he was taking your word for it back at the cafe. “And she also loves you all so much too,” he reminded them again. What he really wanted to say was that maybe one day you two will get back together, but he really didn’t want to get their hopes up. 

Looking back on his conversation from half a year ago, he was glad that he told them the truth on why you two broke up. He didn’t want to confuse his children even further, making them completely oblivious to the situation—he just wanted to be honest with them because he hoped you two would meet again and get back together at some point. 

“Harry, would you like one?” You asked, bringing Harry back out of his thoughts. He smiled, nodding, not trusting his voice to speak; and you gladly handed him a plate with a sandwich, pouring some chips onto the side—his favorite chips, you still remembered. 

“Thank you.” He smiled softly. The corners of your lips turned up as you bashfully looked at the picnic basket in front of you. You placed Rory’s plate in front of him as he seemed to have crawled to sit closer to you, and you cut out his sandwich into small pieces, along with cutting his grapes in half. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” He stopped you from what you were doing, ready to take Rory from your side as he didn’t want you to feel obligated to take care of him.

“Oh, if you don’t want me to, that’s fine. But I wouldn’t mind feeding him a bit.” 

“If you want to.” 

You gave him the sweetest grin, and Harry was lucky to be sitting down because his knees would give out on him if he were standing. “I want to.” He only nodded, a crimson color laid on his cheeks. 

Harry comfortably watched as you made conversation with the twins as you fed Rory. You always gave them your undivided attention; your expression always lit up everytime they talked about something they were passionate about or interested in, and it just made Harry fall even more with how you were always so supportive in what his kids loved. You were always uplifting them, never dragging their hopes and dreams down. 

After everyone was finished with their meals and had time to digest their food, the twins asked if they could go on the swings and Harry said yes. The tree that they were under was only a few feet away, so Harry had a clear view of his girls. 

“You’re, like, a magician.” Harry suddenly said, breaking the silence once the girls were safely on the swing. 

You chuckled. “How’s that?” 

“It’s like hiring a magician at a party—everyone is so excited to see what they do and see them in general—you’re like that; the girls and Rory were so excited to see you.” 

You playfully gasped, holding Rory to your chest. “You were excited to see me? Well, I was excited to see you!” You booped his nose, making Rory giggle. 

“Fairy!” He exclaimed, and you and Harry laughed. Rory was a quiet two-year-old, but he picked up on keywords that he repeatedly said. 

“So, are you seeing anyone?” You cut to the chase, skipping the small talk.

Harry chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Nope. Not entirely sure if anyone wants to date a thirty-four-year-old with three kids.” 

You raised your brows in shock, and he knew that look you’re giving him very well—prepared to tease him; even though you weren’t that much younger than him either. “What? Do you think no one wants to date a hot dad? Harry, you’re peak-dilf, everyone wants to date you.” 

“And what about you? Do you wanna date me? A dilf?” He teased; a smirk that you knew all too well appeared on his face, making you want to kiss it off, which was what you used to do. 

Pursing your lips and cheeks heating up, you gave him an obvious look before you said, “Think you know the answer to that one, baby.” In all honesty, the pet name had slipped, and for a brief moment your eyes widened at the realization, but you brushed it off and continued with your confident and teasing attitude; and it worked quite well on Harry because he definitely heard what you used to call him loud and clear. It made his heart flutter as he missed you calling him that; he never wanted to hear that name come out of anyone else’s mouth because only yours would do it justice. 

Harry was left to ponder about your response before you changed the subject, talking to Rory. “Sweets, do you wanna go on the slide?” The little boy jumped up and down, pulling your arm as he had a big smile on his face. You looked at Harry, and he gave you a nod, telling you that he would stay put and watch your belongings. 

You and Rory walked hand in hand, or more like hand and finger, to the slide. It was an open purple slide with two sides, and it lasted about two seconds if you slid correctly and if the slide was slippery enough. You helped Rory step onto the playground as the dull metal steps were quite high for him to reach on his own before you guided him towards the slide. 

Sitting down at the top and on the edge of the slide, you carried Rory into your lap, hyping him up for what he had been waiting for. “Ready, sweets? Are you ready?” Your tone was pure excitement as you squeezed and tickled his belly. 

“Go, Y/N, go!” Directed Rory, and you scooted forward and held onto the sweet boy in your arms tightly as you two slid down the slide. Mouthfuls of squealing screams and giggles came from Rory’s mouth as he clapped his hands towards the end of the slide, causing you to cheer as well. 

And the proper dad that he was, Harry clicked the red button on the screen to stop recording you and Rory from the slide. He zoomed in, capturing the bright smiles placed on his sweet boy’s and the love of his life’s face, screenshotting the perfect frame. He didn’t think the day could have gone any better than this; it was quite the perfect day, he thought. 

When it was rounding two in the afternoon, Rory’s eyes were starting to droop, exhaustion taking over him from running around for almost an hour that his little body couldn’t keep up, so a nap was in his favor. He lazily looked up at you, reaching his arms up for you to carry him, which you happily held him. He settled his head on your shoulder, and it only took a few kisses and back rubs for him to be out like a light while the sun still shined in his face. 

You walked over to the blanket, figuring it was time to call it a day at the park; Harry and the twins were running around nearby on the bedded grass area playing tag. They retreated to the blanket once they saw you with Rory in your arms, breaths heavy from their run. 

“Oh, my sweet, sweet boy.” Harry sighed when he got to spot under the tree; you handed Rory to him, admiring the two boys cuddling as Harry pressed quiet and soft kisses to his son’s head. Since your lap was available, Estelle and Mira took the chance to finally be able to properly cuddle you since Rory was taking most of your attention. The girls took one leg each, and you wrapped your arms around their waist, kissing their shoulder. 

The five of you stayed put for a while, calming down under the breezy weather that had started to pick up until it got even colder was when Harry decided it was time to leave. Luckily the girls were still awake to help with cleaning up, and were rather helpful because Harry was trying his best with Rory situated on one side of his body. 

Once all of you were next to your cars, Harry placed Rory in his car seat as you were hugging the girls goodbye. You and Harry agreed that everyone was too tired to go out for some ice cream since all the twins wanted to do was lie down. Harry knew he didn’t want the day to end, even though it was still quite early, but the older he got, the tougher it was to keep up with his little children who just loved running around; a relaxing and peaceful night was calling him. 

“Hey.” Harry closed the passenger door before he rounded the car to meet you on the grass. “I know we talked about going for ice cream today, but it seemed like we’re all too tired, but I was wondering…” he paused for a moment, a bit of hesitancy in his voice. “Would you like to come over? Maybe…for dinner, or to have a glass or w-water?” He scratched the back of his neck, nerves getting the best of him. 

You smiled, thinking he was the absolute cutest when he was flustered. “Harry, I’d love to. Feels like I haven’t drank any water so I’m parched,” you teased. 

He breathed out a laugh. “Okay, uh, I’ll see you home.” He gave you another smile before walking away and inside of his car, completely unaware of his choice of words. 

Home. More specifically, Harry’s home. It was a place that made you feel safe, and if you’re being honest, it’s been too long since you’d had complete solace. 

Your mental pep-talk throughout the drive toward Harry’s had helped in some way. Keeping it simple without driving your mind into overthinking every single thought, you laid it all down as if you were planning and preparing a business proposal. 

You didn’t want to dive deep into what Harry’s invitation could entail—more like you didn’t want to get your hopes up on if you two were to get back together because the potential rejection you could face would absolutely crush you. Harry’s a kind and sweet guy, he’s simply inviting a friend over for a drink and dinner, if you could even call yourself that. Plus, it was still early to fully call it a day, and he planned for ice cream after the park, so he was fulfilling that promise of sweet dessert. 

Without realizing, you’d been sitting in your car for a solid five minutes, staring over your steering wheel as you were parked on the curb in front of Harry’s house. Harry’s car was already in the driveway, so they were just waiting on you. 

You walked towards the front door, and it swung open before you even got the chance to knock. 

“Hey, thought you’d change your mind when you weren’t getting out of the car,” Harry joked, although that thought really crossed his mind when he peeked out through the window and saw you still in your car. 

You chuckled nervously. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t.” You stepped inside his house, and a wave of nostalgia rushed through you as if you were at the beach and the harsh current knocked you over as you were trying to walk against the sandy wind. 

Everything still looked the same—the same since the night you left without another word to the kids, just a note to Harry telling you to meet at the shop. A pinch of guilt appeared in your face as you frowned, and Harry immediately took notice, but you waved it off as you slightly smiled, telling him that you two would talk later. He didn’t press any further, waiting until later or when you were ready. Instead, he asked if you wanted anything to drink, to which he already knew you’d go for a class of Cabernet, and luckily, he had some in stock—more like, he still had the untouched bottle for when you stayed over. 

The two of you leaned against the cold granite counter as music softly played on the speaker that was connected through Bluetooth on his phone. Conversations were light, but it wasn’t awkward in any sense. As a matter of fact, it felt just like old times when you would stay over his house, talking about each other’s day and simply enjoying the presence of one another. That’s what you think this was, you thought—enjoying the fact that Harry was in front of you after so many months and you were cherishing it until the next set of months went by. 

After a few conversations and sips of wine later, the time had gone by fairly fast, which always happened when you were with him, and it was nearing five. The kids had woken up from their nap at four and quietly settled in the living room—the twins on the couch in front of the television and Rory was on the padded mat playing with his toys, occasionally talking to his sisters. Harry asked if you would be okay watching them so he could make dinner, and you were close to reminding him that he didn’t need to ask to watch his kids, but then again, you had to remind yourself that things were a bit different now. So, you said that you didn’t mind and walked over to the sofa chair next to the couch and watched TV with the girls as well as play with Rory. 

Twenty-five minutes had gone by and Harry called everyone, announcing that dinner was ready. You all walked into the dining room, taking your seats. Your assigned seat was next to Rory’s chair, which was in between you and Harry; the girls were sitting across from you. Once everyone took several bites of Harry’s dinner--a quick fettuccine alfredo--the chatter was back. You enthusiastically listened to the girls and Rory talk; it made Harry smile, loving how natural everything felt. 

Estelle tapped Harry’s shoulder, making him turn towards her with a smile on his face. “What is it, sunshine?” She got off her chair, leaning over to whisper something into his ear and he smiled, turning back to his family who was curious as to what Estelle had said. “Go ahead and ask her, love.” 

You put down your fork and placed your arms on the table. “What’s up, Princess?” 

“Uh, c-can we go to that place?” 

“What place is that?” You asked curiously. 

“That place where you told Daddy you loved him,” she responded quite bashfully. Your mouth was slightly open, not expecting her to say what she did. Looking over at Harry, he simply had a soft smile on his face with his brows raised, shrugging his shoulders.

Did you want to go back there? The answer was a simple yes. There wasn’t any excuse that you could possibly make up on the spot as to why you couldn’t go there, and it wasn’t necessarily a bad place whenever you thought about it. In fact, you really missed going over there and you would be lying if you said that you didn’t think about that place often. 

Your head turned towards Estelle. “Sure, why not. How about we go tomorrow?” You asked everyone, and they all had smiles on their faces. You looked at Harry, directly asking him for permission. “Is that okay?” His elbow was resting against the arm of the brown chair, fingers placed under his lips as he slightly puckered his soft and pink lips; without looking under the table, you knew his legs were crossed. Harry smiled, nodding his head, and everyone cheered. 

The rest of the time everyone was sitting at the dinner table, you all talked about plans for tomorrow, and everyone was really excited. Once it was almost eight, Harry realized that it was almost their bedtime, so he hurried them up the stairs to get ready for bed before saying goodnight to you, getting in as many hugs and kisses as they could get. 

Harry was upstairs, changing Rory and putting him to bed before he walked down and found you in the kitchen washing dishes. He slipped past you, placing his hand along your lower back briefly before he grabbed the dish rag. The action sent a chill down your spine and you immediately missed his hands on you. 

“The kids seem really excited about tomorrow.” Harry broke the silence, glancing over at you as you continued to wash the dishes. 

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m really excited too.” 

Harry noticed the slight shortness, and he thought it may be because you were tired. “Hey, are you okay?” 

You turned off the water and faced him, crossing your arms as he did the same. 

“Do the kids hate me?” The corner of his lips turned up before he started laughing, clutching his stomach. If it were any other time, you would obsess over his laugh; it was music to your ears, the highlight of your day, and the sun when it’s bright out. You softly slapped his arm. “Harry! I’m being serious!” 

“Darling, you’re joking, right?” Your heart briefly fluttered at his nickname for you. “Those kids love you!” He noticed your change of attitude and that you’d been thinking about this for a while and beating yourself up over it. 

“It’s just…I don’t want them to think that we broke up and I forgot about them. I mean I understand if they see it that way because I left without saying another word for six months--didn’t even get to say goodbye to them and have a proper talk. I just don’t want them to hate me.” You looked down at your feet as you played with the thin silver band on your middle finger.  

Harry’s seen you in work mode, and it reeks confidence and power. You don’t need much reassurance during work unless it’s when your employees tell you that progress is moving along. But this was completely different; you needed all the reassurance that you could get to get it through your head that the kids that you’d come to love--from the moment you met them--don’t hate you. And Harry didn’t mind telling you over and over again. 

“They were just that we split up, that’s all. But they quickly understood why.” 

“What’d you tell them?” You asked curiously. 

“The truth--that sometimes it’s better to be apart for a while rather than drive ourselves crazy. Told them that when the time is right, then maybe we’ll get back together.” The look in his eyes was so comforting that you immediately fell into them. Harry was always the best with giving you that extra reassurance that you and his kids need. 

You felt the extra beat in your chest that pumped so harshly against your chest, but it was surrounded by butterflies, making it flutter throughout your body. As you looked so deeply into Harry’s beautiful green eyes, you realized one of two things; the first thing was that you never wanted to look so deeply into another person’s eyes unless it was Harry’s; and the second thing was that you were incredibly and overwhelmingly still in love with this man and his three children, and there hadn’t been a day that gone by where you weren’t. 

Taking a deep breath, itches were crawling up your skin, begging you to say something. “D-Do you think it’s time?” Your voice asked shyly. 

Harry was taken back by your question as he raised his brows. He couldn’t deny the nerves that he felt whenever he was around you, but your question seemed to have increased his nervousness. 

“We’ve been separated for what feels like a long time now.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he recouped his thoughts to say the right words. “I think-”

“Daddy?” Yours and Harry’s head whipped towards the staircase, finding Estelle at the bottom of it with groggy eyes. 

Harry walked towards his sunshine. “What is it, my love?” He kneeled down onto the bottom step, matching her height. Estelle told him that she couldn’t sleep, and that she’s been tossing and turning for a while, so Harry told her that he would lay with her until she fell asleep and carried her to her bedroom. He looked back at you as he was walking up the steps, and you gave him a soft smile, letting him know that it was completely okay. 

You finished tidying up the kitchen, wiping down the counters and cleaning the dining table until you realized that you needed to get ready for tomorrow’s adventure. 

Once Harry came down the stairs, he found you sitting on the edge of the armchair with your purse on your shoulder; you looked up as he walked up to you. 

“I’m gonna head out.” 

Harry’s slightly frowned. “Oh, you can stay the night if you want to.” 

“No, it’s okay, thanks.” You really did want to stay the night, but you didn’t have a change of clothes for tomorrow. “I’ll be here tomorrow morning.” He nodded, walking you to the door, opening it for you. 

You stepped out on his doorstep, turning around as you wrapped your arm around his waist, tiptoeing to plant a kiss to his cheek. The slightest bit of touch from your lips sent Harry’s skin on fire, warming up to the affection. The touch was sent away too quickly as you let go of him completely, giving him one last smile before walking to your car and waving at him as you drove away. 

Harry closed the door, the palm of his hand cupped the cheek that you kissed and he sighed as if he was shot with Cupid’s love-arrow, and he wouldn’t mind it if it meant he would feel your affection every single day. 

You arrived at the Styles household at ten in the morning with a tote-full of snacks and water, knowing the kids would get hungry from all the walking. You got there forty-five minutes earlier than planned, knowing that the Styles family wouldn’t be out the door right on time because Harry has three kids, two of them who bicker and complain from time to time—especially when they’re sleepy—and a two-year-old who was starting to run away from everything. So, you figured Harry would appreciate your help. 

When Harry saw you standing on his doorstep, he let out a sigh of relief. He was still in his striped pajamas pants and a white t-shirt, holding a small pair of olive green pants. You walked in and saw Rory running around half naked, despite it being early in the morning. You told Harry that he could shower and get ready for the day, and to leave it to you because you’ll handle it—plus, you both knew that the kids often listened to you more than their own dad. He smiled appreciatively, kissing your head briefly before walking up the stairs and getting ready. 

Once Rory saw you, he stopped running around the house and instead, ran towards you and into your arms. You carried him up the stairs and to his room to get some clothes on him, and luckily, Harry was able to bathe him before you showed up. You gave him his favorite toy to fumble with before you walked into Mira's room, setting Rory on her twin bed before helping her get ready. You left Rory in Mira’s room and went to Estelle’s bedroom, doing the same. 

By the time Harry walked downstairs, you and the three kids were sitting on the couch, eating a banana. He smiled, slowing his steps as he was amazed at the quietness and stillness in the house, but then again, he wasn’t that amazed because he knew you’d come in and get things in order. 

Harry’s home was a two minute walk to the train station, and everyone decided to take the train since it was what you and Harry did when you two were dating, and the kids really wanted to walk through the entire path of their father’s love story. 

Luckily, there weren’t that many people on the train—it was practically empty—so they didn’t have to rush to get a spot for the kids. Rory sat in the middle of his sisters as they all smiled brightly towards Harry’s phone that was capturing the adorable children for a sweet memory sake. You and Harry were standing, making sure neither of the kids fell over if the train made a halting stop. You held onto the metal bar above you, Harry held the bar that was mounted into the floor, and you both watched the kids interact with one another—counting on their fingers, booping one another’s noses, and laughing; it was every parent’s dream. 

Without noticing, Harry moved closer to you, placing his hand directly next to yours; the side of your hand touched his, and you looked at him with wide eyes while your heart fluttered. You were hip to hip, and you saw the smirk he had on his face while occasionally glancing over at you. You couldn’t help the heat that rose onto your cheeks because it felt like old times when you two used to ride the train together and it would get too packed to where you had to stand up; he would always face you as your hands touched—sometimes he would even intertwine your fingers together while you two held the bar as you were one—and he would hover over you, giving you plentiful kisses like the true romantic that he was. 

The train ride took about 30 minutes and it was a two minute walk to the place that gave you so many happy memories and nostalgia—International Rose Test Garden was where the memories of you and Harry were stored. 

You had the girls on either side of you, holding their hands; and Harry carried Rory since he was likely to run around and Harry didn’t want to risk his safety. 

The sun was bright—beautiful for a day in the garden as the roses and flowers bloomed ever so widely. All of you walked the rows and rows of flowers, occasionally taking pictures in front of the rose bushes.

Remembering all the times you and Harry were hand in hand, laughing until your stomachs were sore, like you did an intense ab workout, and there were tears resting in the outer corner of your eyes. All the memories that were swirling around in your head made you come to the conclusion to one thing: you never want to be without Harry and his kids ever again. 

You don’t know how it took you so long to realize this, maybe it was seeing them for the first time in six months that you realized that you had it great—a small family that accepted you and loved you for who you were, and you loved them just the same. 

Harry walked beside you, the kids skipping and playing around in the grass in front of you two. Confidently, you slipped your hand into Harry’s ringed hand, immediately intertwining your fingers together as if your hand knew what it was missing. Harry briefly looked down before looking at you. He smiled, and turned his head back towards the kids, not making a big deal of it as his warm hand accepted the coldness of yours. 

You gently tugged against his arm, pulling him back as he came face to face with you; a quiet gasp came out of his mouth when doing so. You looked up at him with bright eyes, and Harry was taken back to a year and a half ago where you, coincidentally, were in this same spot on the very green patch of grass. 

“Harry…” you breathed out, looking down at your feet nervously. He made the bold move to step closer to you, chests almost touching. Harry lifted your chin up with his fingers, locking eyes with you so intently that you practically lost your breath. 

“What is it?” He whispered. 

Taking a deep breath, you said, “I-I realized something.” 

“Yeah? What’s that?” 

Glancing over at the kids, they were giving you big smiles and thumbs up for reassurance, and your heart swooned at their support and love they provided you to finally get back together with their father, even if you weren’t their biological mother. 

You looked back at Harry, who was waiting patiently. “I love you. I still do and never stopped.” Harry felt like he stopped breathing at that moment. “You make me so happy—you and the kids, and I don’t want to be without you all anymore. I-I don’t like how it’s only taken me this much time to tell you this, but it felt like the perfect time since this was the place where I first told you I loved you.” 

Harry smiled, taking your hands into his. His thumbs smoothed your skin on the back of your hand before he brought them up to his lips and kissed them so delicately. The action made you smile softly before your mind had switched it to thinking that it was affection before the rejection. 

But then he opened his mouth to speak such beautiful words that you had been aching to hear during the breakup. 

“You’re my everything. I truly don’t know what I’d do without you because you. You’re part of my source of happiness, and life didn’t feel the same without you—the kids could agree with me on that.” He chuckled, looking at them to find them holding hands and jumping around in circles. “But I know that we separated for the better only for us to come back stronger than ever, and I’m never gonna let go of you again, okay?” 

Tears pricked your eyes before they streamed down your cheeks. Your heart felt like it was pounding harder than ever, but it was filled with so much love from and for this man in front of you. 

Harry wiped away your tears, leaning in to kiss your forehead, down to your eyelids as he kissed your tears away. He pulled away and you opened your eyes, giving each other a relieved and happy smile. 

“I love you,” he said, and he swore he saw the brightest smile he’s ever seen—brighter than the sun. “Always have and always will.” 

“And I love you. C-Can you kiss me, please?” 

Harry grinned. “It would be an honor.” 

Placing his palms on the side of your face, he leaned his forehead against yours. Your hands were wrapped around his wrists, rubbing his skin softly. With a smile, he kissed you with such softness and passion that the flowers bloomed largely and the sun shined ever so brightly. The kids cheered and clapped, making bystanders think that you’d just gotten engaged, but you both knew that would be the next step. Your stomach was in knots, butterflies surrounding your body as he captured your lips with his. Hugging Harry’s waist, you pulled him closer and wrapped your arms around him, and he kissed you harder, effortlessly moving his lips in sync with yours as if he was a pro on kissing you, which he was. 

Harry pulled away first, giving you several pecks before opening his eyes. “God, I missed doing that. Missed you so much, darling.” 

“I missed you too, baby.” You were high on happiness, high on love. “I’m sorry it took us this long.” A slight frown appeared on your face, but Harry kissed it away. 

“Hey, hey. None of that. I would’ve loved you until the end of time. I don’t care how long it took, you’re my forever,” he vowed, not planning to break that promise. 

Missing his lips on yours, you leaned up to kiss him again while your arms were wrapped around his neck and his were around your waist, holding you tightly as if he was afraid you’d run off. 

Suddenly, you started giggling into the kiss, making Harry smile before he pulled away. 

“What’s so funny?” He asked. You started thinking about the conversation from the park when you asked him if he was seeing someone. 

You curled in your lips before you said, “You’re a literal dilf, and I’m so in love with you.” 

please tell me all of your thoughts, feelings, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3

[kyotakumrau]

GIGS No519 Interview 京 [Voice]

GIGS 2021 JUN released on April 27th (interview itself was done on April 6th)

The last solo interview is with Kyo. In the previous interviews, all band members from the music instrument squad all mentioned ‘simple’ in reference to Oboro. Yet how did he perceive the song and what feelings were put into the lyrics? Let’s discuss it thoroughly.

The most important thing is that I want to be able to let out honestly what I want express, what I see, what I felt or thought that one moment.

text: Yukinobu Hasegawa photos: Reishi Eguma translation: kyotaku (pls let me know if you see any mistakes!)

You can get GIGS 6月号 on Amazon Japan or HMV or CDJapan or TOWER RECORDS or other shops!

――It shows in the footage enclosed in the deluxe and first press editions of ‘Oboro’ that the songwriting for the new album started quite some time ago.

京   I was probably working on various things without thinking about a single, so I don’t really remember when was it. I’m working on songs aaaaaaaall the time (laughing). I don’t really grasp when each song was done or which one will become a single, so honestly speaking I don’t really know.

――You’re also doing sukekiyo. I have many chances to speak with sukekiyo members and they were surprised that ‘Kyo will be sending new songs ideas or melody anytime’ (laughing). Is your pace of coming up with ideas as high with DIR EN GREY?

京   On the contrary, I’m not saying much in case of DIR EN GREY. Just about ‘I’m looking forward to it’. I’m not writing songs, so upon listening to the demo of the song sent by other members I just give them my opinion like ‘how about we change it a bit like this?’ or ‘this way is good’.

――At the time you started writing songs did you already have an idea what you wanted for the next album?

京   I didn’t. Not at all, I felt I could read this and that about the album from the direction we were going from the atmosphere of the songs the members brought in earlier. In our case we often don’t have talks like ‘let’s make an album like this’. So, on the contrary I usually don’t say much about things like album image, I think we can make more irregular thing if I keep a flat position.

――So even you are looking forward to what kind of response you will have when listening to the song’s demo?

京   I am.

――Because of the spread of COVID-19 it’s hard to move around now, so how do you get input for the music, art and so on?

京   Nah, I don’t really do anything. If you ask about input... the most I do is watching various news.

――Do you feel that the things happening around you and around the world are something that drive you when you’re expressing yourself?

京   I’m sure they do. What I think when I see and feel various things, how I communicate that, it’s about that.

――The single ‘Ochita koto no aru sora’ you released last year had a digital release only thus there were no lyrics included, but fans listened to the song many times to try to understand the lyrics. As a result, I think they realized that it’s a song with a dreadful/intense message. Because lyrics include a such date as ‘㋇㏥・August the 6th’ among other things, there was a reaction also from fans around the world.

京   Frankly, I don’t check fans reactions. I don’t know what people will think after listening, but I don’t want to talk about the atomic bomb. In the end, the fighting continues, the same things keep happening again and again...like that. I think there are many issues, but there’s no right answer to them, it’s all just collisions of what we ourselves think is right and just. That’s why you can’t say that something is bad as a rule. It’s just one way of thinking, there are many ways we can look at things. For example, currently during the pandemic holding a concert is the right thing to do or not, won’t the answer and the way of thinking be different for every person? Now more than ever we got a situation when it’s very difficult to say ‘this is the way’. It’s the way I feel now seeing various things.

――Because of COVID-19 there’s a lot of hate crime against Asians in the US. It’s a crime, but the people who commit it may see it as an act of justice.

京   That’s true. There are also many other issues like the gender discrimination, in all of them Japan is seen as lagging behind. It can’t be simply denied because the situation now and in the past is different, depending on the country or culture the way people feel or think is also different. It’s a difficult issue, isn’t it?

――I think you write many lyrics that make us think about that. There’s not only grieving in ‘Ochita koto no aru sora’, there’s a positive message at the end. That really resonated with me. Do you feel like the way you express and communicate things has changed?

京   No, I don’t think anything changed.

――I’d like to talk about ‘Oboro’ now, it seems like it was a pick out of few songs. What was your impression when you listened to the original song?

京   It was like all demos felt more like the album songs than a single. It’s normal as we originally didn’t start working on them thinking about creating a single, most of the songs were intended for the album and we decided to finish one as a single. Recently we had many up-tempo singles, so I thought it would be a good idea to release a ballad, not as epic as previous ones, but a ballad that could be included on the album.

――What kind of response did you have when you listened to the original song for the first time? Talking about the lyrics, I thought that because of the pandemic it became difficult to move around, and the thoughts have turned inwards. You told me [at t an interview] some years ago that you had some traumatic events, I thought [lyrics] relate to them.

京   In terms of the worldwiev and lyrics, recently there were no lyrics directed at one person, a lot of them had a message from a very broad perspective, that’s why first thing I wanted to do was to have a narrower worldview. So when I listened to the original song and the scene emerged [in my mind], the past songs videos are very broad. This isn’t a continuation but it was a start for me to want to put something like that together. It’s not about my own trauma, it’s a narrow worldview inside a big worldview. And without using grotesque expressions, I wanted to depict various feelings like love or hatred, and wrote lyrics with that in mind.

――The past songs you mentioned were also songs that had music videos made for them at the time. I was actually watching the video and having a flashback. The pain and agony of a woman, and I dare say her feelings about her aborted baby. That’s what gives a shape [to the new song]. At the moment is your expression or the direction of what you want to bring up in your lyrics changing?

京   I don’t mean it like we all should try being positive (thinking about the future) together, but as one should think about various things, I always want to write about what we think is the right path or what is just. But as I said before, what is right varies per person. It’s something I want to write about on the next album in the future.

――In other words, like stabbing/piercing each person’s feelings?

京   Well, yes. I think I’ve been thinking like that since the last album The Insulated World, but this time I’d like to go further into that direction... I mean it’s not like I have something precise I want to convey or I want to bring up this and that. The most important thing is that I want to be able to let out honestly what I want express, what I see, what I feel or think that very moment.

――As your age and work experience accumulate, I think people’s ideas and thinking will also change. What can you think of [that has changed] in the last few years?

京   Nothing (laughing). It’s not something you know about yourself. On the contrary I want to stay without changing. To change because the world is becoming a certain way is really not like me, I was always my own type of person, so I want to continue as I am. This is something I’m saying all the time, but I hate fixed ideas, I want to be always free to express myself. But there’s not much freedom in the world nowadays. Besides the problem with COVID-19, many countries have civil wars. That’s where we learn the importance of freedom again, and I also wondered if having a lot of freedom is not justice. When you start thinking like that it messes with your head, but I want to be free just in the world of expression. I feel like this is a one right no one can take away from me.

I think the most negative thing, for fans, for the band and for me, is not being able to show our real selves at the concerts.

――Are you taking that stance now as well when you’re writing for an album?

京   Nah, I haven’t written anything yet. We’re in the early stage of pre-production, so it’s not the point where I write lyrics yet. The songs are still in the middle of being changed, so it’s like I want to see more of them. Also, most songs don’t have a melody decided for them. And what I feel and think, what I want to express, things inside of me are changing every day. I want to be able to pack as current me as possible into [the lyrics], and to put into lyrics as recent images from the songs as possible, so I haven’t decided on them yet.

――Did you write the lyrics for ‘Oboro’ just before song-writing time as well?

京   Yeah. After the length/scale of the song is mostly decided in pre-production next is a step when I’m inserting temporary lyrics and then start recording.

――You have a [recording] vocal booth at home, so did you record ‘Oboro’ deciding the vocal direction by yourself?

京   If it was different, I probably wouldn’t be singing. I don’t want to go to a studio outside (laughing).

――Do you sing creating an environment for the song’s world like getting your room all dark when recording?

京   Nah, I’m a person who doesn’t do things like that, I can do it anywhere as long as I have a vocal booth. Just, I sing when I want to sing. When using a studio from what time and until what time is decided, engineers have their schedules, so even if I’m not happy with something and want to rerecord it, it takes time to get ‘let’s listen to it’ or ‘I’m gonna organize data’. And sometimes that timing doesn’t match my own rhythm. And, there are times when I want to sing soon after waking up or want to sing when I’m anguished not being able to sleep. I value this kind of speed so I can’t record outside my house anymore.

――In ‘Oboro’, even the trembling of your throat when your voice comes out got recorded, which helps the listener to get into the song even more. What were you looking for in terms of singing?

京   It’s a bit old-fashioned, isn’t it? In the past I was singing with my emotions so my mannerism/habits would really come out hard. After that I tried to get rid of them as much as possible, and as much as possible tried singing putting emphasis on the pitch and timing. For example, when the timing of each sound in first A melody and second A melody didn’t match perfectly, I would be unhappy, but now I just sing naturally so the timing can be a bit off. I deliberately sing with the feelings that were matching the flow of the song, so I don’t record with the intention of singing perfectly.

――You absolutely prioritise the emotions?

京   That’s right. But in case of ‘Oboro’, the lyrics don’t have a worldview where the emotions get stirred up to just burst out. They are hidden inside, I thought it would be interesting to sing in a restrained way without exploding. With that point, I recorded the song with the emphasis on the flow of the song. And I think I will keep that point the same when recording the album.

――There was a time when you were thinking like drawing a blueprint with many different voice tones and the arrangement of the choruses, it was interesting for you to play tricks with them, right?

京   There was a time when I pulled that out as a part of me, but now I want to pull other parts out. Increasing the things I can pull out, if I think the approach you just described is good, I just have to drag it all out. When I listen to the album as a whole, if I think there’s not enough appeal, I’d try a more gimmicky approach. In the end I won’t be satisfied with myself. I want to keep searching for more and more new ways, not only sing the way I’ve sung before.

――You had this kind of attitude from the start. As a coupling song for the single you have a customary self-remake song. This time it’s ‘TDFF’, to listen to the original song from the past again... ah, you don’t do it. I’m shaking my head for jumping into your answer (laughing).

京   I just briefly look at the old lyrics and decide I want to keep this part, I don’t need this part and so on. To some extend in myself I’ll just extract some part and from there extend the image and add things to it.

――Is it like breathing new life into a song?

京   Nah, it’s just the 2021 version. If we redid it now it’d look like this. We wanted to keep as many good parts as possible, but there were also parts where we felt ‘here it’d have been better to go with this’, so they got changed in the current version.

――By changing the song to a newest version can you see your attitude towards the singing or your thoughts?

京   I’m always putting in the things I’m feeling at that time, so I think to an extend I can see it. But it was originally a simple song, so it was easy.  

――It was also recorded in your vocal booth at your home, right? I think I’d actually like to have a peek at you singing to see what’s it like (laughing).

京   Ah, it’s a really simple booth about the size of the phone booth. There’s a small thing working as a desk and I put my computer there, singing while sitting down and using a hand-held mic. I don’t want to use a recording standard stand mic. I want to sing as much as possible the same way I sing at concerts. But there’s no space for me to stand up so I sing sitting down (laughing). But in my case, it doesn’t matter if I’m singing standing or sitting down or sleeping (laughing).

――It doesn’t really affect your concentration.

京   I usually can finish recording one song in less than 2 hours, so I think anyone can concentrate for about 2 hours (laughing).

――The 3rd song on the single is a live track. How do you feel about performing without the audience?

京   Honestly speaking the songs that require a response [from the fans] were a bit tiring, but there was no change with the songs focusing on the worldview or the songs that just explode. Doing it naturally is about doing it naturally. I haven’t listened to that live track yet, but yeah.

――But yeah (laughing). Did you choose the song that got the most votes?

京   Nah, I’m okay with any live track. Like ‘please choose whichever you want’, I leave it to the other members or the people in the company. Concert is a raw thing (=unedited, live), I had many live tracks in the past where my voice was all messed up or where I was singing cleanly. That’s why now I don’t have anything that would make me go ‘wait, this is a bit...’. I think the me from that time is packed there so anything is fine.

――You’re soon going to have a first in a while concert with the audience on May the 6th. I think you might answer ‘not at all’, but how are you approaching it?

京   Today I was at the concert film screening event in Osaka, and we talked there about the concert. And I said there that because it’s still a month away I don’t think about it (laughing). Listen, if you were told you will be having this and that for dinner in a month, you would listen with only half an ear being ‘yeah got it’ (=you’d forget it next moment) (laughing). I start thinking about it about a week before the concert. I’m not the type of person to go ‘I’ll do my best!’, I’ll just let out my honest feelings at the time.

――During the time when you didn’t have the type of space or time that is a performance with the audience, were there any moments when you started wondering ‘what are concerts?’ and so on?

京   No, there weren’t. There were moments when I felt like I’d like to do a show, but I didn’t really think about things like ‘why are we doing concerts?’ or ‘what are concerts for me?’. It’s not like all my music activities stopped, so I didn’t have a moment to think that deeply about it. If anything, rather than us I think it’s the fans who were thinking about it.

――Because for many people concerts are something they live for. Kyo, you’re looking healthy.

京   There were times when it was very hard for me mentally, I don’t know what was the reason. Now... I’m trying not to think too much about unnecessary things. I’m trying to only think about what’s in front of me or about things I’m able to do now, I’m trying not to push myself too much. I’m trying to accept myself as I naturally am. But even then, there are still things that keep piling up, making me worry endlessly. I wish I would be able to let them erupt at concerts. I think the most negative thing, for fans, for the band and for me, is not being able to show our real selves at the concerts.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

I'm surprised people see Tadashi as the victim in his relationship with Ainosuke, when it's Tadashi the one who time and time again takes away Ainosuke's agency, without being able to see that he is throwing him unto unhappiness. I can't help but think that if Tadashi was not working at Shindo's house, Ainosuke would have maybe left or broke with the family. But he can't do that if he wants the relationship with Tadashi going on, seing how Tadashi is set on enforcing the family rules...

Hmm.. I def agree with the fact that Tadashi is not what most fandom makes out of him, my man (I mean, Adam’s man) is a 100% Slytherin. But I disagree with blaming him for this, after all the revealed info. The environment they were both raised in made their situation complicated.

I like Tadashi a lot, he’s probably my fav thing about this anime, bc he’s a dark horse, and I’m once again surprised, that so little ppl see him for who he really is, portraying him as an innocent puppy, which he is definitely not.

Now to why I think both Tadashi and Adam are victims of the dad and aunties in this situation. 

We can of course say “if only they told each other how they really feel...”, but like we can say it about any love story really. Every author knows it’s no fun. The truth is that yes, they both hurt each other, and yes, if they were honest about their feelings things would’ve been different, but as I’ve already wrote under that “toxic” commentary on YT, lets look at the whole situation from both of their point of views:

We know that Adam when he was little always treated Tadashi as an equal, he never ever thought of him as someone lower than him and after their fall out, the only reason for this “harsh” treatment (well, besides their confirmed kink) was that Adam tried to get a reaction out of him, so Tadashi would stand up for himself, bc Ainosuke got mad about Tadashi caving to his dad’s wishes and abandoning him, when he needed him the most. 

But now, knowing the fact that Tadashi was his dad’s secretary and was under his control, let’s see it from his perspective: Tadashi wanted to stay by Adam’s side, Adam’s dad implied that if Tadashi did say smth, he’s gonna be.. well, dismissed and they won’t see each other ever again. That’s what caused Tadashi to stay silent in that moment. Ainosuke instead saw this as a “he’s not on my side” thing, well, because. Tadashi won’t tell him his problem, bc dad and aunties control everything, so even if he does tell him, what a teen would do really? He didn’t have any powers back then to make his dad do anything. 

And that’s when it all gone to shit, since they both were hurt for their own reasons. It’s easy to say leave the family, but 1stly nobody explained to Adam still that he’s physically and psychologically abused by his family, he sees it as them “loving him” and sadly also loves them, bc nobody told him, that love wasn’t supposed to be like that really. He definitely feels that smth is not right and feels emotionally exhausted there bc of this treatment, but did he ever consider leaving? I really don’t think so. He feels obligated to be worthy of a family, who “loves” him.

Do you think, for example, that Akashi Seijuro hates his dad for what he did to him? No. Does he understand that he wasn’t at fault for what happened to him and that his dad instead of comforting his child after his mother’s death, who was his only safe haven, made everything worse? I don’t think he does. Like his mom gave him basketball, an escape from all that family’s obligations and strictness. After her death, it was the only thing left that brought him joy, but his dad ruined even that, saying that if he’s gonna be bad at it/lose, he’d take it away from him too. Does Akashi see this as emotional abuse? No, he sees it like “well, I have to be the best bc I was born in such powerful family, so if my dad says that I must be best at everything, then I must.”

I personally hate such parents a lot. To me it doesn’t matter if Adam’s dad didn’t know about aunties hitting his child. Like if he was too busy to notice this and have no time for his kid and made his childhood miserable, it doesn’t make it any better really. 

Same as with Akashi’s dad. Some are like “he was probably also grieving about his wife”. Emm? He was like this from the beginning, bc he treated Akashi not as his son, but as his heir. And yes, that’s different things. Same with Endeavor and Todoroki. Your child is not your post production thing.

2ndly they were too young, even if they knew about each others feelings and he didn’t feel obligated and told everyone to fuck off, they’d be on the streets now, but also Adam’s dad doesn’t seem like a guy who’d leave them alone really. Also eloping seems very romantic, but I don’t think it is, esp when you’re teens. Did you want him to sell some expensive watch and go live on Hawaii or smth? Bc finding a decent job there would be difficult at this age, esp with everyone knowing who your dad is. Chen Ke from “Antidote” survived bc he was 27 and had connections and some great friends. Adam was in high school, where would he go exactly?

Now let’s go back to now. Obviously all this time it didn’t even cross Tadashi’s mind that for Ainosuke he comes first and that he would throw everyone under the bus to make Tadashi stay with him. As we see at the end, he legit believed that Adam was planning to send him to jail and didn’t get that he said it just to shaken he up and that he knew who he’d set up for this from the beginning. 

To Adam obviously it doesn’t matter whether they’re in a quarrel or not, he would never him go. Yes, he’s mad at him, he’s angry and hurt, but Tadashi’s still the person he needs the most, he’s still the person who brightens his days, even tho he deliberately behaves like he annoys him. He always looks at him and looks at him and looks at him, but then hisses smth to hurt him. Bc he knows that he needs him, but he also hates that he needs him, bc he thinks it’s unrequited.

And that’s how their classic romance goes in hellish circles. No one wants to talk as usual. Adam is mad Tadashi is like that bc his dad turned him into a slave with no opinion, while Tadashi is scared that Adam would be taken away from him bc of his ugly family. 

Now I still think that no one and I mean no one can take Tadashi from Adam now, he is his precious. So my plan is... if Tadashi made aunties do smth against him or to get rid of him, aunties will go for sure. The problem is Tadashi still doesn’t get that he comes first, so we’re stuck in this hell still.

So anyways, my point is Adam’s heart basically sings “you got a hold of me, don’t even know your power” to Tadashi, but he doesn’t hear it, bc of his insecurities, the way he was raised and his status. But yes, he holds all the power. He’s both Adam’s sanity and insanity. No matter how cheesy it sounds he was basically his only ray of sunshine in the darkness, if you take it away, that’s what it leads to, that’s why Ainosuke-sama needs more ppl who care for him. I don’t want anyone to die next time, just cause Tadashi and Adam fought about where to put their new couch lmao. I’m kidding, but you know what I mean. And kill the aunties, pls seriously, we need to be free.

Also ppl need to remember that like lots of animes/characters are parcially inspired by some other animes/characters, also the chosen seiyuus are also very important, there are lots of stuff like jokes and references, that creators use, from characters being fully inspired by smth like “Assassination classroom” characters based on KNB, to little stuff like Levi dressed in Akashi’s uniform in chibi AOT bc Hiroshi Kamiya. Utsumi already said before stuff like she sometimes think of a perfect voice for the character and then fully forms him, we also know her clear love for sports animes. So yes, I doubt Tadashi/Kuroko thing is a coincidence and even tho someone was like “zone? is this knb or smth?” I was like no, zone is actually a common thing in sports, even tho most associate it with KNB including me, it’s not like its their invention, but there were things inspired by this for sure, and from other sports animes too and no, I don’t mean the basic sports anime tropes, I mean, like way too specific things, some character designes, too. And yes, Langa appearence and personality wise is a rinharu child for real, I can literally split his scenes in “that’s Haru”, “that’s Rin”.

That’s why I’ve said that this situation in fandom reminds me of Kuroko/Akashi situation a lot, bc same as here in KNB ppl for some reason automatically thought that Kuroko is this innocent sheep and Akashi is the wolf (but also like it was Akashi who chose to dress as red riding hood, while Kuroko was a wolf lmao), not even seeing who is in reality more dangerous and who can easily control who. It just buffles me bc it’s not some deep analisys really. I mean once again there’s a reason for the saying that the sub holds all the power over the dom. 

And like just bc someone yells or threatens ppl constantly doesn’t necessarily mean he is a psycopatic killer, and just bc someone is quiet and doe-eyed, doesn’t mean he isn’t. I didn’t think we needed to explain this to someone, but aparently we do?

And it honestly kills me just how superficially ppl are watching things these days. It really gives me war flashbacks to stuff like the last mdzs s1 episode, where ppl started to comment things like “how LZ can be so heartless” lmao. Or that anonymous ask “do you think haru misses rin?”. Like you don’t see thing at all? Grey substance no needed, while watching things?

P.S. I also would die to see Adam vs Tadashi race just bc I for some reason can bet all my money, that it’s the same situation as with Akashi refusing to ankle break Kuroko, no matter how mad he is. I just can’t imagine Ainosuke hitting Tadashi in the face with a board. Like 100% sure he wouldn’t even try tbh.

[bigskydreaming]

Im asking this genuinely so pls dont yell at me; when you say that those using trigger warnings dont care about their readers’ mental health and wellbeing, what else are trigger warnings supposed to be for? To make sure people don’t enter fics that have material that would harm them. Just like tv shows that warn about nudity or violence or what have you. Its a rating system, theyre warnings. Tagging for rape or underage ARE the looking-out-for-readers thing. Past that, it is on readers to decide

I try not to yell at anyone engaging in good faith, I know it doesn’t always seem that way, but I would rather be engaged with than ignored...the latter is when my volume goes up, lol.

But in answer to your question, it comes down to the fact that trigger warnings are well established enough in fandom by now, that they exist as a kind of social contract.

In short, its EXPECTED that you provide trigger warnings, and that if you don’t have them, someone will bring that up at some point.

Problem is, this counter-productively works against what trigger warnings are actually FOR.....once we reach a point (which we’ve long since reached)....where a lot of people are only including the trigger warnings because of the social contract that expects them to have them, and not ACTUALLY because they’re prioritizing their readers’ well-being.

Something I see a LOT after trigger warnings is the phrase or sentiment “enter at your own risk”....and the phrasings are so, so key to what I’m talking about. 

Take a small sampling and just look for what I’m describing and I’m fairly certain you won’t have to go far to find an example of a fic where the tone of the author is not one of concern for readers, but preemptive concern for potential backlash from readers.

And these are two very different things.

Like, we all know how to read and interpret tone and nuance. Its genuinely not that hard to tell the difference between a sincere expression of wanting readers to be aware of potentially triggering content, and a faux-expression of that when really, the only thing you’re worried about triggering is a negative reception from people, and you want to get ahead of that by making it clear from the get go that hey, you did your job, you warned readers, and thus nobody has any grounds to say anything about your content itself.

Because also too there’s the fact that trigger warnings are inherently fallible. They rely on the author’s own AWARENESS of their content and everything it might include......but a racist author isn’t going to place a trigger warning for using their characters as mouthpieces for even blatant white supremacist ideology. 

A genuinely predatory author (and yes, they absolutely do exist, and its willful stubbornness that people rely on to pretend that like, for some bizarre reason, only genuinely predatory people don’t partake in this otherwise global hobby of reading and writing fiction, like what even is that, how do you arrive at that conclusion, that like, actual pedophiles are so busy preying on ‘real life’ teenagers in their zip code 24/7 that they just don’t have TIME to go online and cultivate predatory relationships with real life teenagers via social media? That doesn’t make any sense!)

But anyway, a genuinely predatory author, is absolutely NOT going to tag or place trigger warnings for pedophilia, etc....because they don’t WANT the things they write perceived that way.

People trying to normalize incest are not always going to tag for incest because they want to DISTANCE the cute, sweet dynamic between two ‘only sorta brothers’ as other than the kind of incest that destroys families...regardless of the reality that most cases of incest are the LATTER and its the FORMER that’s so rare it barely exists. 

And that sort of thing is how we get terms like dub-con and pseudo-incest and ‘consensual underage sex’ when its describing a relationship between a minor and adult....because this is mitigating, distancing language. Its entire reason for existing is to make unpalatable content seem more palatable.

And especially in Batfandom, we KNOW this.

Because we all, practically universally, give Devin Grayson crap for describing the rape in Nightwing #93 as ‘nonconsensual sex’ and go.....THATS NOT A THING!

And then half of fandom turns around and....acts like that and similar stuff...IS A THING.

That doesn’t work! LOL. It just...doesn’t.

Or another example, because abuse can be just as triggering as rape.....like, for me, personally, I’m a survivor of both, and yes, both CAN be triggering. But not as much as people might think....like, just reading a depiction of these things doesn’t trigger me.

Its, like you were saying at the get go, yes, a matter of surprise.....the kind of thing that CAN be warned for, and prepared for, and its the sheer unexpectedness that’s usually the trigger. 

Like.....I went off a few weeks ago about reading a story that was supposed to be about Dick’s brothers learning the truth about what led him to take the Spyral mission and what happened in Forever Evil. That’s what the summary said, that was it, that was the only thing it led me to expect about the story. So understandably, I go into the story expecting it to be sympathetic to Dick. I’m looking for catharsis from it honestly, a salve for the many fics and canon events that blamed and punished him for something I don’t consider his fault, right?

And then towards the end....I get Jason punching Dick again, before hugging him, because that’s just how he reluctantly shows love or whatever.

This genuinely triggered me, yeah. Its why I got so upset about it. Because I was blindsided, I had no way to prepare for it, because I went in expecting catharsis for a story that bothered me due to its victim blaming, and instead I got the author heaping on more of the same abuse we already saw in canon.....with zero awareness that’s what she was doing. 

So....that’s absolutely something I wrestled with should I message the author and ask them to add a trigger warning or not? Because I genuinely could have used one. It would have helped. I would have avoided that story if I had any notion that might crop up in it, because frankly, that’s not something I had any interest in reading.

But problem is, there’s only really two realistic outcomes there. If she was open to hearing a genuine request for her to be aware that her content contained triggering material for a reader....chances are, she probably would have just edited it and taken that out entirely. It was just one line. Easy enough to do. It certainly didn’t add anything.

Problem is....there’s an equal and opposite likely outcome....that she’d get defensive, call this unsolicited criticism, and double down on the idea that what she had written wasn’t abuse, because obviously she doesn’t condone abuse, so she wouldn’t have written that plain and simple. It has to be acknowledged that a lot of authors ARE innately defensive about social content in their work, and not open to hearing they’ve done something offensive or triggering....because that’s like...literally the basis of the ‘no unsolicited criticism’ movement in fandom, even though being critical of toxic ideology expressed in content is NOT the same as offering criticism of someone’s writing in general. 

So you see what I mean? A trigger warning COULD genuinely help in that situation....but our fandom environment simply flat out is not conducive for readers to be at all confident that they even CAN come forward and alert an author that they delved into an offensive, even harmful take with their content and be well received no matter HOW they phrase it....

For much the same reasons I mentioned in that other post. People are more likely to instinctively jump to the defense of the person WRITING the content that offended or did actual emotional harm....than the person simply trying to say, backed by their own lived experience of....being offended or experiencing emotional harm....hey, this is a problem for me and I would appreciate it being regarded as such....

Otherwise, what is even the POINT of this entire system of trigger warnings in the first place? If a problem for a reader isn’t regarded as worthy of attention in and of itself.....at least, not in comparison to whatever problem that READER’S problem creates for the WRITER.

You see what I’m saying? For this, and a lot of other reasons, trigger warnings are innately fallible. They rely on an honor code system, and the uncomfortable truth is none of us are actually naive enough to believe everyone in fandom is innately honorable enough to honor that....if they were, would we have as much cases of anon hate, spite fics, etc?

But fandom as a whole looked at the trigger warning system and decided well....its good enough. Because its not like I’m proposing a viable alternative, its not like I have a BETTER system in mind, offhand. All I do have is the point that well...no...its NOT good enough as is....because for a ton of reasons, there’s a ton of cases in which there’s a ton of people for which it flat out doesn’t work for or benefit at all.

But when this comes up to any degree, in any capacity whatsoever....and the only thing people fall back on is well, I tagged it, or I used trigger warnings what more do you want, or its good enough for me so that’s what matters, or just....

“I did what I was supposed to per the social contract about trigger warnings, so if anything goes wrong in your reading experience at this point, that’s entirely on you.”

Like, does that make sense?

Basically, there’s a world of difference between:

This is a problem that still needs solving because the solution provided now is not all-encompassing or inclusive....

And....

This is a problem that’s already been solved as far as I’m concerned, and I’m utilizing that solution so any further problems are just in the mind of the reader and have nothing to do with reality, let alone me and my work.

Again, as I said above....its the difference between genuinely engaging with other members of your fandom community with actual concern for THEIR fandom experience.....or faking engagement with other members of your fandom community when your only real concern is YOUR fandom experience, and at most, the experiences of anyone who already is of like minds to you on a subject.

Hopefully that answers your question or clarifies my stance there, anon. And thank you for actually engaging on this. It feels a bit like shouting into the void a lot of the time, lol.

[butterbeeryuta]

interview with me • lee taeyong

photo credits to owners 

Niki: Good morning Mr. Lee and Ms. ______, thank you so much for taking your time off this morning to do this interview. 

Taeyong: No, no, it’s not a problem at all. 

________: This interview was bound to happen anyway, so it’s all okay. 

Taeyong: Yeah… 

Niki: Both of you attended the most prestigious high school in the island of Jeju, known for its socialite students and tremendously high standards. Can you please give us a bit of background from each of you. 

You and Taeyong looked at one another smiling, knowing that the two of you will have to repeat the exact same story again and again. 

________: Uh, well, my mother is the owner of NCT Kitchen, so I guess that it the main reason behind my current social status

Taeyong: We own Lee Industries, known for its, you know, agricultural production. Same reason as ________, probably the reason behind my current social status

________: Except that Taeyong over here is actually taking part in his family business, meanwhile I am working as my mother’s personal assistant. 

Taeyong: Well you’re at least putting effort into working now, very different from the ________ that I dated back in high school. 

________: That is true, I was quite a mess back in high school. Still am now, but less drinking and lashing out against people.

Taeyong: That was indeed one ________ experience. If you did not see ________ plot an evil scheme or sort against anyone, that was not this person sitting beside me. 

You could only nod and smile at Taeyong’s words. There was no possible way that you could deny any of the things that he said since most of the shenanigans that you caused made it to the media. 

Niki: Well from what I remember at least when I was reading the magazines and such during high school, you did come out a lot Ms. ________. Now that we are on the topic of your characters during high school, could you give us a bit more on how you two were during your time at Jeju for our readers here at Seasonies?

________: Well, as you said, I made a lot of appearances in magazines, newspapers, online articles, and so much more— and not all of them, in fact the majority of them, were either me being really drunk, or being pulled out of the car looking like I haven’t slept in decades. I put my mum under a lot of stress, and I do feel really terrible about the amount of money she had to pay to refrain the family business from being at risk, and most importantly, just putting up with me. 

And you were being truthful, for the most part at least. There was no doubt of how much trouble you caused during your high school days. You deliberately sent a picture of your ex’s previous girlfriend sucking the soul out of your Biology teacher in the lab to the so called ‘Gossip Girl’ of your school, creating a huge scandal within the school, risking the school’s reputation. You also hosted a party at your own house, having three of your ‘friends’ calling the entire neighbourhood, only leaving a mess in your house; and not to mention, the smell of alcohol remaining for a good whole week. Your mother was disappointed in you in many things, but this was probably by far one of the worst things that you had done. 

Taeyong: But don’t you think you improved a lot since then?

________: I hope I did, definitely tried to stay out of being the cover page of every magazine to be found in Korea. 

You and Taeyong chuckled, looking back at one another knowing how many times you have been featured in every possible media-- both physical and digital. 

Taeyong: I, on the other hand, was a perfect little boy—

________: That is complete bull, he always skipped lessons. I may have been a perfect epitome of chaos, but I at least got somewhat decent grades and did attend most of my lessons. 

Taeyong: Honestly that’s probably the only reason why you didn’t get expelled.

________: Hey! 

You two laughed again, his sparkly eyes being the same since the last time you saw them. 

Niki: Well, I can assure that you two were the commonly talked about duo in that school, and it’s not only me who says that. But, I’m pretty sure the two of you already know that the point of this interview isn’t really to talk about how you were as individuals, but rather together. 

Both of your laughter slowly died down, knowing to yourself that the interviewer was indeed not really that interested in who you have become. It was more of what happened between you and Taeyong. 

Niki: It’s been 6 years since the two of you went your own ways to different universities. In fact, I believe that one of you went to Yonsei University, and the other went to University of Leeds. Many thought that you two were still together, but it wasn’t until 3 years ago when we saw ________ being with Nakamoto Yuta, a well-known Japanese rock star—

________: Which ended after 5 months of fooling around, thank you

Niki: Yes, sorry about that. So, what happened?

Taeyong noticed your sudden change in posture, the atmosphere of the room gradually darkening; he knew how much of a painful and serious topic this was for the both of you, especially you. It wasn’t that your relationship ended badly, you two decided amongst yourselves hours after the two of you threw your Oxford cap up in the air. 

________: It w-wasn’t that that our relationship ended badly. Nobody cheated on anyone, nor was there hot ‘tea’ behind it. 

Taeyong: It was more on the fact that we couldn’t—

________: Understand each other properly 

Taeyong softly smiled at your words, somewhat proud of you for being brave to talk about this. You two may have decided amongst yourselves and thought it was best for you two part away, even though the two of you did not like it at all. 

________: Yeah… 

Taeyong: I guess you could say that I assume things too easily

________: Whereas I do things without thinking, which only led us to fights and disagreements

Taeyong: And although we were able to solve things and have our couple-y moments together,

________: it did get tiring… 

Taeyong could only nod his head as memories of countless, petty yet intense fights rushed through his mind, clearly hearing the amount of frustration and anger you had in your voice. And it would be a lie to say that you were not thinking of any of your past arguments as well. 

________: So I guess that’s what happened. 

You gave a little laugh, hoping to lighten up the mood. 

Niki: Oh… but I must ask about one thing, and I am really sorry but the company wrote these questions so, how do you still think of each other now? 

Taeyong: ________ has definitely improved, from what I hear and see from media outlets at least. There are more smiles now, and I think that you should continue since you have a really great smile. 

Taeyong wasn’t lying about this. Your smile was everything to him; it made him feel that he made you feel happy and vice versa, regardless of how cheesy that sounds. You immediately crouched your head down from the sudden compliment, only causing the person beside you to laugh. In his eyes, you haven’t changed at all. Maybe a bit more mature, but still the same. 

________: T-thank you? Umm, the first thing I noticed about Lee Taeyong was his eyes. I think everyone can agree that he has one of the most beautiful sets of eyes, and my thoughts haven’t changed about that at all. And still now, despite the 6 years of us being away from each other, I guess you could say that there is still that sense of… umm… 

Taeyong: Comfort?

________: Yeah, comfort… and warmth too… 

Taeyong: Yeah… 

Niki: Well thank you for joining us for Seasonies today, and I am really sorry to bring up such a serious topic. I hope the two of you for the best, and again, thank you so much! 

You and Taeyong got off your the black stools, walking out of the studio set, feeling somewhat exhausted from the pretty short chat. 

‘Even after 6 years, we’re still being contacted, huh?’ Taeyong asks you, cutting the silence in between the two of you. 

‘Yeah I guess so, but I’m not surprised to be honest’ you answered, looking up at the boy, your first love. The silence and awkwardness between the two of you slowly developed back to its place, not a single word exchanged with one another. You said your goodbye to Taeyong the moment you got out of the building, wanting to leave the odd environment you were just in. Or perhaps, you were trying to not fall in love with him all over again. Then again, you would never admit that to yourself. Not now at least. 

a/n: so my exams got cancelled which means that (1) this bish is done with high school 💅and (2) i have time to write YASSSSSSSS. omfg i’m actually so excited imma have another social media au coming up soon, and my plan for the ‘that guy’ series has JUSt been finalised, and imma start writing it later today. alright okay pls continue to stay safe and practice proper hygiene alright i wuv youuu <3 -niki 

[littlemeangreen]

Since you like my alt-Marauders (WHICH IM SO HAPPY FOR) how about challenge for headcanons of them interacting with the Smashers, as allies or foes or just a chance encounter? No need to, I just thought it might be something you'd have fun with!

@thecorteztwins k I'm suddenly in a big writing mood so!! FINALLY getting around to this I'm so sorry sksksk

For anyone who doesn't know: Thecorteztwins has an amazing au where she's collected Haven (thicc angel lady who was possessed by a demon disguised as a baby), Claudine (Miss Sinister),Madelyne (clone of Jean Grey), Pyro, Sebastian Shaw, Shinobi Shaw and sometimes Alice (a clone being tested by Claudine)!

I feel like the first few days are really testy. Everyone's got some bone to pick, the usual. But the biggest thing? The name. A brief encounter with paparazzi ends with their name and the reactions go from Pyro and Claudine scoffing at how silly it sounds and what a rip off it is (Pyro being a writer?? U KNOW he wouldn't stand for Alt Marauders) to Shaw sighing about the fact that he's been stuck on a team with a cliche super nickname.

Then there's personal names because once again, Pryo and Shinobi both agree that everyone needs a name to reapply make them unique! Hardly anyone goes for it, ranging from Haven's soft "no thank you" to Shaw punting Pyro into a wall. Madelyne is slightly soft for Pyro's RPG themed alias ideas for her and less than impressed for Shinobi's idea of "Mad Milf".

Alice....I'm definitely thinking she gets nicknamed "White Rabbit" or "Wonderland" because; 1) no one can leave her out of getting a name. 2) Pyro 100% would give a cheesy media related name and 3) I like the very small connections of white rabbit to the white and red queens in Alice in Wonderland (and 4) rabbits always get experimented on :).

Gamma Gals having amazing duos with the ladies of the Marauders? Absolutely!!

Jen and Haven, being an amazing duo and I feel like they'd be the two who would have that issue where they're the only ones who can save the day and end up learning a lot from each other? Haven is probably thanking her stars that she finally gets to meet a hero who believes in her kindness just as much as she does (S H A W).

Just....Haven being able to meet an even bigger woman and trading stories and being GalPals(TM). Its a really interesting concept to me that Haven is someone who was deliberately used to destroy and Jen is someone who's entire identity is formed around smashing and destruction. It's probably rather cathartic to be working with someone who purely doesn't want to resort to violence immediately and who has been used (Haven by her demon and Jen by different people).

But also learning something from each other? Haven being able to see that sometimes you do need to fight for what you love and Haven proves to Jen that even after all this time, it isn't the muscle or power that can save everything, it's her and her drive and will alone. Catch Red and Shaw scoffing about it.

Speaking of, those two could either REALLY clash or really get along, no imbetweens. Have we found another old man for Shaw to wrestle with, Roman style??? (Ngl that would be hot in a sick way)

Skaar and Shinobi? Both long haired, beautiful, sons of big figures, grew up in abusive environments,,,,its a duo. Just put Shinobi into a mini team with Skaar and Daken and we have the "Black haired brood squad"

Rick and Pyro working together to have a joint production??? FIrebomb productions baby!! My podcast ideas? Absolutely would happen when you combine these two and its hell. Aka; Rick and Pyro gossip on their podcast and give advice to starting heroes as immortals and smack talk. But also outside of that I imagine they can get along a lot in the "had a hard time accepting stuff" and "we were heroes who often did a lot for others and got disregarded and hurt for it".

Pyro: Hey if I set you on fire can you become a flaming bowling ball

Rick: well let's fine out!!

Red and Shaw....there's a lot there. Both are old men who have been pressed on in their lives and affected by masculine presences in their lives...both are regarded as awful shitbags but they're both MUCH more complex and driven by a need for power and stability...lots of thoughts here.

Shaw and Red are one team you do NOT wanna mess with because two old men who are perfectly willing to do what's needed? Red can respect a man willing to get his hands dirty with clear means and Shaw can probably like a guy who has the drive to do what he believes is the better good. Also big hulk man who can give you endless power.

But also differences in them because Shaw abused and continues to abuse Shinobi while Red neglected and most likely emotionally abused Betty but it seemingly trying to make a difference in it now that she's come back? I feel like these two probably have a SUPER in depth conversation when forced to or alone and then never speak about it again.

Spending of Betty! Her and Madelyne?? What a DUO they're litreally a great mix because Maddie is a clone of Jean, Betty was assumed to be a clone at first and often has to suffer being the "domintrix" she hulk. Both have serious issues with their mental health and identities as well as dealing with their lives being ruled or devoted to men who ruin them. Both want freedom and have such passion! I just....so much to say about these two and the similarities. They're both red.

But yeah Phoenix and Harpy?? Skksks Maddie voice: I'm FIRE HARPY nOW

Am I still yelling for her hero name to be Griffin because of how mystical they are and being a bird and lion??? Yeah.

Also sad thoughts but,,,gals talking about their lost kids (Maddie with Nate and Betty suffered a miscarriage induced from stress), the stress of their lovers and who they've lost to (Jean, Emma, Caiera, Jarella,,,) and being manipulated by men for their power (Maddie by Sinister into Goblyn queen and Betty by Leader into Red She-hulk, Harpy, both died).

Anyway point is I can fully see them two just CLICKING or fighting a lot at first until someone points out just how similar they are. Then? Maddie and Betty out here being the brand new Thelma and Louise. Red and Black styles, willing to use force but protect the innocent, both take Alice and this cute kid that Betty absolutely mother henned in her run and,,,two moms and their talented daughters pls step out the way sir.

Tbh I don't think I have much for Samuel apart form him having a small crush on Claudine (and like,,,,not in That Sense, but Samuel does have a big history of falling for smart women or just...OP women). And then a series of gags where Haven wants to know him because he's like Shaw but also incredibly different in thinking and everytime she walks into the room,,,,Samuel is doing some horrific experiment and she just NOPES OUT. Shaw wants to make use of this but it goes horribly wrong oh God why did he try.

Lyra! I just....feel like there could be a lot for her and Claudine and Alice. Lyra was genetically engineered to be used in a war and was bullied relentlessly for being "half man" which...is rather transphobic and sexist but that's her storyline and it's too deeply embedded for me to headcanon over it so...sighs.

But yeah!!! Lyra taking Alice and giving her a night of being able to just....be whoever that night, not being pressured to have an identity of the sorts from anyone and just being able to fight people with a giant green woman. Probably has a lot of deep talks later that night with Lyra, sitting over a building and eating ice cream because it was one of the first things Bruce shared with her and a first realisation that Lyra could be more than someone's daughter.

100% would picture this with Carmilla (Lyra's sister and...also messy kinda clone) or Laura Kinney hopping along and!! Clone weapon woman team!! I could GET INTO this!!! Just...pls marvel give me a team of women overcoming abuse and forming identities among each other and cool women,,,,

But also Lyra admittedly would respect Claudine for her skills and her...tenacity? Yeah, that. She has strength and guts and Lyra probably actually tells her that she'd rather get experimented on by Miss Sinister than some pig of a man and Claudine just "thhhanks?"

Hulk,,,,funny enough I don't think I have many ideas for him yet? Probably gets into a fair few fights with Shaw and Haven over different stuff, Maddie has a bome to pick for Betty,,,I am,,,blank.

I feel like a lot of things for him would be Haven trying to break through into him, maybe each of the Marauders dealing with different parts of the system? I can imagine Shinobi and Pyro don't have a high opinion of the oversized dad until Bruce turns super ashen pale and immediately Joe starts yelling for some whisky and GIRLS....and a fella or two for matchstick and ghost baby here.

Maddie thinking that he's another Scott and then finding out that Hulk's thing is more complicated than Scott simply looking for Jean again. Also Maddie demands that she will forcefully adopt Hulk's kids and these two bonding over abusive dads???

But uh,,,that's about it!! Hope you liked it!!! I probably could easily delve into more thoughts if there's anything specific for me to set my mind on.

[aresfms]

「 harry styles. cismale. he/him. 」i hope that #lexsquad member「 ARES BYERS 」adds me to the squad ! the 「 TWENTY THREE 」year old 「 FINANCE 」 major has been apart of the squad since 「 DECEMBER 2018 」and seems to be the 「 THE RECUSANT」of the group.「 ARES 」is a「 SENIOR 」 and seems to enjoy 「 BOXING AND SOCCER 」but you can always find them at a squad party , too !

listen don’t say i didn’t warn you, this is a lil long. but if you guys are interested in any connections ( scroll down to the end for some ideas ) then pls hit me up. im so ready.

okay basically i’ll do a summary in case y’all dont wanna read his SAD story. tw: domestic abuse, abandonment, alcohol abuse. 

Summary: ARES BYERS, 23, SENIOR.

A finance major at LexU.

He’s currently doing both soccer and boxing, but soccer would be for his athletic scholarship. ( he has a full ride )

Boxing would definitely be like more of an anger relief thing and honestly, he defs loves soccer but he knows he can’t rely on that for a forever thing. plus he defs things boxing is good money, yknow that side hustle illegal shit

Loves art like a lot.

 He visits his siblings probably every other day or whenever he can because he really is so protective of them or he’d even bring them to campus all the time even though his “ step dad” hates it.

His relationship with his mum is still super strained because she really is in denial about her toxic abusive situation with his “step dad”  and hes trying to tell her hes going to get her out and she just does not want to.

His mum is an alcoholic and his stepdad is physically abusive to them like most of her past partners which is something ares has been dealing with since he was a child.

hes solely doing finance to get a good job to get his mum and siblings out of the situation theyre in now.

he wants sole custody of his 3 siblings but i mean, he needs a stable job and place to live aka finance

 has 3 younger sisters who he adores.

HISTORY STUFF ( YIKES SOZ ) Its long everybody.

 He was born to teenage parents who hadn’t even graduated high school yet. They had a pretty tumultuous situation and his dad really didn’t think they should have a kid, but his mum thought that it would bring them closer together and make his dad mature…. Which definitely didn’t end up happening.

once Ares was born his dad stuck around for about a year or two before basically abandoning them and offering to give up parental rights to his mum Alycia.

That’s when things basically just went downhill. It really messed with his mum, obviously she was supporting ares on her own with no support from anyone, no family and very little money, at the time she had been trying to go to school but had to give that up once she was the sole provider for Ares. And the fact that someone she thought was going to be her partner abandoned her just led her down a pretty dark path.

It was just his mum and him after this. There wasn’t a lot of stability for them. His mum for a while was the only family he had. his grandma wasn’t really very supportive of his mum having the baby and living with his dad etc and they’re relationship was quite strained too.

• By the time Ares was about 12 he was already probably mature beyond his years, his mum by then had basically gave herself up to alcohol and had some pretty bad shady boyfriends in the house. Ares would definitely still vividly remember like explosive fights between her and boyfriends where things got physical between them and even to Ares from multiple different boyfriends.

His schooling was just.. a mess he definitely repeated a grade or two because of the commotion of home life.

Regardless though he was still VERY protective of his mum even if he felt pretty abandoned by her, he was just confused why she was letting these people come around when they were better on just the two of them. But that really didn’t last long, his mum ended up having multiple other kids with different people.

 So he has Maeva, Orion and Lea who are his half siblings and theyre all under 12.

I  think he definitely grew up faster than most because he always felt an urge to protect his mum and his siblings now especially. he worried about them all. He was definitely an anxious kid.

• His mum ended up marrying but honestly Ares couldn’t hate his stepfather more. He would refuse and still does refuse to call him dad or stepdad because he truly thinks he’s a piece of shit. Like he knows he treats his mum like shit and hes had no problem being physical with the both of them and once ares got old enough he really did start fighting back which only made it worse.

There’s probably been multiple times where its been ares calling the police on him after he fought with his mum but as usual his mum always takes his side which honestly fucked ares up constantly but eventually as soon as he could he was working even at like 13/14 because he was desperate to save money thinking he could help his family get out of the fucking mess they were in.

 His number one priority is and will always be his mum and his sisters even though deep down I think he has some kind of resentment towards his mum he’ll always love her. He just wishes that she would take his side especially against his “ step dad”

Basically though once he was about that age he realised he really needed to start focusing on school, grades and sport anything he could so he had some kind of chance to get into a good uni and get his family out of everything. Like he knew he’d need somewhere he could get a full ride since theyd never be able to afford it and somewhere still nearby so he could look after his sisters still.

 His stepdad knew though that ares was working even when he wasn’t supposed to be and he really took advantage of that, he was definitely beyond lazy and ares basically always felt more of a parent to his sister than anyone else.

 So basically he ended up graduating – late however he was 19 when he graduated high school because of repeats and luckily enough he got a full ride to Lexington university and he really took it within a heartbeat. He ended up choosing finance not because its anything he’s interested in but because he wanted something that would pay really well so he can support his family, but he knew he didn’t have 8 years to do medical school etc.

Personality:

 he can have a shitty attitude won’t lie, like he’s very focused and set on what he wants and needs to do and he wants no one getting in the way of that.

He’s super into boxing to release a lot of the pent up anger he obviously feels and really because he wanted to know how to fight back all the assholes his mum had in his life.

He is can be extroverted and talkative but I think with the people who aren’t close to him or to people he doesn’t have a real trust in it’s probably a pretty surface level. Its never about his family or past in fact I think that part would be something very few if any people know about.

his sisters aka his pride and joy, he probs has pictures of them in his wallet.

He likes to keep things light hearted as a distraction from himself but he definitely doesn’t let people in easily.

He really tries to avoid confrontation because it’s so triggering to him but he does have a temper which is what scares him. He is like paranoid he’s going to become a product of his environment so he goes against that as much as he can but if people come for his family or anything he would lose it.

Can be aloof.

 Has a hard time trusting anyone has good motives or will stick around because of much he’s been abandoned and how manipulative the people in his mums were.

He’s cynical.

 He really holds onto grudges pretty easily.

His ass is pretty sarcastic and witty, a huge smart ass.

 He’s not into commitment right now or he’s avoiding. Like the only examples he’s ever seen of relationships have been a mess and it’s not exactly his priority. ( but lbr  whats the fun in that. )

 He tries to abstain from alcohol but he finds that pretty hard. When he does he tends to drink pretty heavily which is why he tries not to because he knows it obviously has caused his mum so much grief.

 Hes an escapist.

 He’s really super protective though, of the people he does have in his life I think he really wants to give those people the things he didn’t have so he overcompensates and would literally fight whatever or whoever for the people around him.

he hates authority.

•He definitely is really big into art but that’s also something really personal he doesn’t share much and he knows like that isn’t going to provide for his family which is exactly why he's done finance.

Connections:

MY FAVE PART!!!

Long lost half sibling aka the child his dad had after he abandoned him

Someone who is a super good influence on his sisters ( id die for this.. )

Strangers who found out they were hooking up with the same person then became friends or enemies. ( my man a nastie sometimes. )

A FWB someone he can mess with and end up talk a little deeply with bc they think its not serious.

ANYONE who is a kid of one of his mums exes, like someone she dated, bc whew why not.

a rebound, someone he used to try to get over his ex!!

a fucking roomie plssss :) ( or past roomie, he lived off campus for 3 years so defs room for multiples ) this person rlly saw... everything

someone who went on a couple dates/ messed around but then realised omg we’d be so much better off as friends, somoene who rlly has each others back.

ooo someone who has an unrequited crush on him

Or someone he hates but yknow someone who he has mad sexual tension with ( hate meaning they lowkey would ravage each other )

One of his close confidants, someone who is basically one of the few people he can confide in.

An “ex “ who he broke up without much explanation.

His dealer ( smh im the worst )

Some co workers that has his back.

Potentially someone he’s fought against esp someone who does boxing too. es

Someone on his soccer team.

he very into art, so potentially someone who he might connect or do that with, he defs shows stuff sometimes but VVVV rarely.

someone he maybe wasnt that close w/ but he knows from back home so they’d suspect about his home life and he just is not having the prying :)

Honestly any connections im down. THE USUAL, bestfriends, etc etc

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTUPS AND JAPANESE

Are you writing pages of fiction, however bad? Honestly, no. The landscape of possible jobs isn't flat; there are walls of varying heights between different kinds of academic work, because fields vary greatly in this respect. But that rule may not be as good as it seems. I personally have timed out.1 There is actually some data out there about that. When you can ask the opinions of people you want to hear; an interview with Joe Kraus, the co-founder of Excite. If you start a startup. The second big element of Web 2. At least, that's how they see it. Worse still, anything you work on changes you. It was designed to be another C: C plus a few ideas taken from more advanced languages.

It's something that can be fixed in a couple days if you have the destination in sight you'll be more likely to arrive at it. I have never once seen a startup lured down a blind alley by trying too hard to make the cover something you can tell that by the number of Indians in the current Silicon Valley. Do you, er, want a printout of yesterday's news? There is a point where there is just too much to keep in your head at once. Even in college you get little idea what various types of work are like. The reason they were funding all those laughable startups during the late 90s was an abuse. The old ideas are so powerful that even the most successful countries, in the sense of something someone made happen. But she never does. There are two routes to that destination: The organic route is more common. But you don't regard this time as the prize and the time you could do what you would like to do, there's a strong inverse correlation between performance and job security. Is software a counterexample? If you have to do something, as Nike says, just do it.

In the rivalry between Perl and Python. The democracy component, for example. It's just a more extreme variant where you don't just use your software yourselves on their behalf. A few years ago. It's designed for large organizations PL/I, Ada have lost, while hacker languages C, Perl have won. Unless you're so big you have to manufacture your own hardware, or use your software on users's behalf, you'll learn things you couldn't have done that in the era of physical media. Not us. Lisp interpreter in the less powerful language?

They've faced resistance from investors of course. I'm convinced they got this number from ITA. People still pay for those. Partly because you can usually find ways to embody it in things people will pay for information otherwise? There are two possible outcomes for a startup to succeed, at least not in the sense that their main purpose is to make me feel better. And I think that's the main reason is that the absolute numbers seem so small at first. There hasn't been such a wave of new applications since microcomputers first appeared.

If you try to translate the Lisp/Perl/Smalltalk/Javascript code into Python you run into some limitations. There used to be for getting users. Now they have none that stand out. To be happy I think you have to pay for might as well not exist. Thump, thump, thump. Their standards for customer service have been set by the companies they've been customers of, which are Lisp data structures.2 A Lisp macro can be anything from an abbreviation to a compiler for a new language, it's because you think it's better in some way than what people already had. Except for some books in math and the hard sciences, there's no test of how well you've read a book, and that's as much as any startup needs initially. The old ideas are so powerful that even the most successful countries, in the sense we mean today.

On the whole they've done better than the stuff I read on individual people's sites rather than to magazine articles or news stories.3 An accumulator has to accumulate. Why do the Japanese make better cars than us? There was that same odd atmosphere created by a large number of small ones.4 Although we didn't fund Meraki, the founders were Robert Morris's grad students, looked at this definition of eval and realized that if he translated it into machine language, the shorter the program not simply in characters, of course, since they read somewhere that's the optimum day to launch something. So while there may be advantages to writing your application in the base language a language for writing programs like yours, then write your program in it. If you can't find ten Lisp hackers, then your company is probably based in the wrong city for developing software. Because how much you learn in college depends a lot more on you than the college.5

If you ask at that age, people will choose conservatively. It tries to explain why Americans make some things well and others badly. But the first time investors learned that lesson from founders. You need a great university near a town smart people like. You'll have to force yourself to work, and indeed that the reason they have to deliver every time. It's also wise, early on, to seek jobs that let you do what you like, but what we would now consider a very low-level, you reach a point where I'll do without books. 5% of the time you spend working as the pain you endure to earn it. Nearly all startups have to. When it was first developed, Lisp embodied nine new ideas. The terms cutting-edge. You push blobs of source code around the way a sculptor does blobs of clay. Plenty of people who will later do great things have careers with the trajectory of a ping-pong ball.

Thump, thump, thump. They're hostages of the platform. I would love programming in. They got started by doing something that really doesn't scale: assembling their routers themselves. See if you can stand, and the 2. What about iTunes? There is no one single force driving this trend. Ajax.

Notes

We probably would not make a brief entry listing the gaps and anomalies. What has changed is how much they lied to them? The answer is no grand tradition of city planning like the outdoors, was one of the rest generate mediocre returns, like storytellers, must have been a good way to predict areas where Apple will be big successes but who are good presenters, but when people are magnified by the same motives. Quoted in: it's not inconceivable they were saying scaramara instead of themselves.

In judging both intelligence and wisdom we have to think about, like play in a not-too-demanding environment, and others, and a t-shirt, they're nice to you. But which of them. But if you do it in B. Starting a company becomes big enough to absorb that.

If you want to start businesses to circumvent NWLB wage controls in order to avoid using it out of their time on, cook up a take out order. But the margins are greater on products.

It's hard to make a deep philosophical point here about everyday tagging. We didn't let him off, either as an adult. The two are not just the location of the words out of fashion in 100 years. 99 and.

Sparse Binary Polynomial Hash Message Filtering and The CRM114 Discriminator. Parents can sometimes be especially suspicious of grants whose purpose is some kind of gestures you use that instead. You won't always get a poem published in The New Industrial State to trying to sell your company into one? Other highly recommended books: What is Mathematics?

[wileds]

after the fall spoilers! please be warned!!

hot mess incoming im still processing and NERVY AF ASJDKLDFHJ

ok.  my muse isn’t canon of course so i am focusing on the vacuo revelations.  

1) it is very nitty gritty and super survivalist, the wildlife was more dangerous than expected, shade being described as the only source of order makes much more sense now.  in v4 sun expressed surprise that menagerie didn’t expand inland and blake said that menagerie’s desert wasn’t like vacuo’s - it was inhospitable, and had wildlife more dangerous than average.  if that’s still true then holy shit.  the grimm, harsh nature, lack of resources, and wildlife we get exposed to in this book?? vacuo is a hard fucking place to live.  

2) vacuo organizes itself mostly around settlements which was surprising to me too, i didn’t expect nomadism to be that much of the norm even though it’s forced due to grimm attacks and sandstorms / other natural disasters.  it just brings a nice contrast to the utter luxury of love’s upbringing, being landed outside of vacuo city.  they have had the means, money, fortune, luck, security etc to give up nomadism.

3) added headcanon: love’s tribe definitely has their own small cct support tower.

4) i hummed at some of the more callous/uncaring descriptions and stereotypes of vacuans...

surviving is what we do here, or we don’t. we look out for one another but if it’s down to your life or someone else’s, you choose your own. no hard feelings.

the only home you have in vacuo is the people you keep close.

settlements described as honestly meagre places. “there was no way is could ever compare to beacon, let alone any village in vale”

but i’ll take em since they came from the mouths of vacuans, from their experiences living among different settlements.  still, just the first page had trite stuff like  vacuo: the wrong place at the wrong time  and  a terrible place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.  SO I STARTED OFF SQUINTING REAL HARD. i was really scared of just .... not liking the vacuo we get, after all this time of waiting and worldbuilding on my own.  i was terrified that my hype would fall apart or be disappointed by some mad max wild west bullshit.  and terrified that i’d feel overly protective of my headcanons or salty if others suddenly started paying attention to vacuo thanks to cfvy, who aren’t even from there (bar you know you), so vacuo would just become a theater again.  

5) but fox and slate especially brought a lot of feeling and sense and heart to these sayings and environments, so i really wound up liking it! (“no matter how long you’ve been away, you’re always part of your tribe, and your tribe’s always part of you,” slate said. fox smiled.)

6) although i liked much less the judgments made by coco & velvet when they’d only been living there for a little while and obvi are there because their hands were forced after the fall.

7) i guess the clarkia tribe’s strong ethics and emphasis on hospitality can be a product of their wealth too. they can afford this generosity, whereas a lot of others need to focus on survivalism.

8) most vacuans wore simple, light-colored tunics and linen cloaks and head coverings for crossing the desert. ...  inb4 love really is extra Extra for his sense of fashion.

9) the bits on vacuan attitudes on leadership vs authority were very interesting and i have old headcanons that i need to dig up and think about. fox said most tribes and settlements don’t have elected officials which...personally feels incredibly yikes and unsustainable. incredibly. “it’s even more unusual for a tribe to have a leader that they trust” honestly, i don’t like this canon. i’ll trash it when it comes to love. on slate’s good leadership, from coco’s thoughts: “it was because she cared more about them than she did herself, and that was a rare quality in vacuo.” ... like, objectively i know this attitude is probably true but god do i hate generalizations!! i felt like this when rping ciel too, on generalization about atlas that was all rly about class.  ah!! oh well. i’ll think about it.

10) velvet dabbled in fortune-telling when she was younger can we TALK about this.

11) all the grimm were beautiful by the way, beautiful and terrifying and fucking everywhere, though that was mostly because Plot. gotta remember that that high level of threat is not typical, but due to Plot.

12) speaking of plot: someone seeking out people with strong semblances?  love has a Strong Semblance.  his semblance, in fact, has a whole mound of its own lore and celebration behind it. pls fuck him up, or warn him that this is happening.

14) descriptions of shade, too, i am on the fence about. “It felt like everyday at the school was a test to see how good you were, to prove that you deserved to be training to be a Huntsman. Survival was more important than teamwork, and it was more competitive than Beacon Academy- even within your own team- placing CFVY at a unique disadvantage” / “...focus on survival and results rather than teamwork and studies.” ... we get it, you have to survive. why the fuck wouldn’t teamwork and studies be important to survival and training career huntsmen? i just don’t get it and it doesn’t quite align with my views, though i know that attitude certainly exists in vacuo, ffs it’s not monolithic. in a huntsman institution?? i don’t buy it. idk!!

15) “Vacuans were typically more respectful and less wasteful than anyone else.” !!! A GOOD ONE!!

they acknowledged several times that vacuo’s problems has roots in other kingdoms taking advantage of them!!  “Their whole existence was centered on picking up and moving on. And it was the other kingdoms that had created this situation for them. No wonder they didn’t want to get involved in Remnant’s politics.”  I FUCKING STOPPED AND CHEERED AT THIS PART. AAAAAA GOD FUCKING BLESS. i have added legitimacy to how love doesn’t at all sign onto the grandeur of being a huntsman especially if it leads him out of vacuo, he does it for other and personal reasons.  the goodness is a happy bonus.

i’ll stop here or else i never will. big takeaway: i fucking love fox alistair. i love him. i adore him. every time fox alistair did anything i wanted to scream. also, i’m upgrading my velvet cosplay. also, brnz. also sssn. FUCK.

[newavakinlifecheats-blog]

New Avakin Life Cheats

New Avakin Life Guide

New Avakin Life manual is a guide for a famous new game. When you have chosen a product / condo, click on the picture of the present and select the name of a pal to make a gift. You may additionally send a praise to a player from the same place. Click on on the individual you want to praise, click the "present" button and choose the object you want from the list. You'll no longer be deducted budget until the consumer accepts the gift. I gave the object to any other player, but it does no longer appear in their stock. Then on occasion going out buying or ingesting espresso, in addition to going to events and swimming swimming pools, ... all of the maximum stunning, high priced, and costly things inside the world can be modeled and simulated via telephone handiest. There you're the primary man or woman. Instead, every body here is the main individual. Which means that the game will assist you build a miniature society proper on the internet. Absolutely everyone concerned in the sport can create a lovely identity for themselves and then meet friends. The "partitions" and "floors" tabs will seem in the front of you, permitting you to change their color. The way to boom the level? Level up by using earning xp (revel in factors). You may earn xp by using speaking with different players, taking part in a cafe or bar, buying goods. The way to make my man or woman take a seat or lie? Your person can sit on sofas and armchairs, in which there are suitable seats. You may also purchase numerous poses or animations to your person in the store. Vibrant and full of adventures, visiting and new human beings round, it is, in reality, a tightly inhabited unfastened chat with superior avatar building. Life simulation is a special kind of sport, adventurous and meditative at the identical time. Think about what you need to see your lifestyles like, and act to get it. Avakin life is an environment complete of fun and possibilities, that welcomes you to turn out to be what you want to see in the mirror. There may be no straight assignment in this sport, even though it incorporates a few quests that allows you to improve your degree. Literally this isn't truthful!! I want others have been able to see my clothes :'((( i am so poor so i can't purchase high-priced garments whyyyyy i understand it is a truely suitable recreation however !. I do not recognize why for all i'm bare when i am garments restoration it so i'm dressed for all pls bro, pls make it mod menu....mod is vastly special from mod menu.the real joy is there even as playing it with the menu..the lockwood has deleted all of the websites which add the mod menu version....pls investigate it bro pls👍🏻 avakin life is a social function-gambling sport on the way to take the person to a colourful virtual global. My account is blocked / suspended. Am i able to make a refund? In case your account is blocked / suspended, you aren't entitled to money back. I forgot my password, what am i able to do in this case? When you have forgotten your password, use the login menu by using clicking on the "forgot password" panel. Input your email, then it'll get hold of an email with instructions. If you certain a non-existent electronic mail while registering an account, contact customer service via clicking on the red contact us button. To keep away from further conversation with this participant, block him. I witnessed unlawful moves while gambling avakin existence, what must i do? Record a grievance towards a participant by clicking on the correct subject inside the participant's profile. Provide as much records as viable.examples of unlawful acts include: if a fake grievance is found, action can be all for admire for your account. Filing complaints can be based totally on personal hostility or filing a complaint in retaliation. I filed a complaint in opposition to some other player, but he is still gambling. From the very beginning, whilst you pick the advent for your individual, you will see that it looks and sounds tremendous. Beaches and sports golf equipment, bars and houses, all of them appearance cool and sound cool. Heh, they even write club tune with avakin existence noted in house tracks! So the game is awesome, its genuinely three-d, and it sounds just as excellent because it looks. Avakin existence offers inexhaustible opportunities for constructing your virtual life. Assembly new people in an lively chat is greater thrilling, as you see what they are attempting to represent. Limitless money: mod Avacoins in this game is impossible due to the fact this is an internet recreation. A internet site that says they've the mod model is faux at all. Be careful with that. On account that that is an internet game, so mod unlocks costumes & objects will simplest work for you. Other gamers will no longer see your clothes. I have attempted this mod and at the beginning, it worked simply first-class and it helped me degree up so quickly however once i try to down load it now it barely works, i love avakin lifestyles mods they used to paintings however for some purpose, different humans can't see the clothes, poses, dances or whatever you operate in-sport if you're the use of the mod and i significantly don't understand why?! You could even win a jackpot prize. There are 2,000 questions in the game, divided into five categories: music, celebrities, style, films and entertainment. Questions range from notable simple to extremely complex. You can use 3 hints to reply the maximum tough questions. Use them accurately: gamers who do no longer play the quiz can take a look at the individuals and discuss questions, however cannot answer any of them. Questions and solutions are in english handiest. Participation within the quiz expenses 1 avacoin, that is then no longer refundable. A yellow token reduces production time by way of 1 hour.a blue token reduces production time via 1 day. Yellow tokens are brought each 12 hours or earned through viewing ads inside the interface of a production device. In which to find the object that i built? When an item is finished, it's miles mechanically brought on your stock.please take a look at carefully. If you cannot locate the object inside the stock, contact assist by means of clicking "no" after which "contact us" on your screen. Why cannot i exchange the shade of the walls and floor? Optionally circulate furniture and decorations to create area inside the house. This also allows you benefit a variety of revel in factors to degree up. "work hard, play hard". After a hard day of work, the evening is when you wear the most beautiful, most expensive clothes and take part in parties in the city, be it a nightclub or a lively music party at your friend's house. If you are a person who likes to meet, date and chat with strangers, this is a great place for you because avakin life features to chat with people around. After confirming your application, you can share this with your friends on social networks to advertise your participation in the contest. After starting the game you need to give permission to write data to the device's memory. This permission will allow avakin life to save account data and photos in the device's memory. How do i link my avakin life account to google play? First of all, you need to link your account to a valid e-mail or google play. After that, go to settings> account> logout. Conviértelo en un punto de reunión privado para ti y tus amigos o invita a todo el mundo a echarle un vistazo. Comparte tu espacio con tu petkin favorito: escoge un amigo ideal para ti de una amplia selección de petkins, interactúa con él, dale afecto y cuida su alimentación. ¡y eso no es todo! Además, podrás darle un estilo único a tu avatar: exprésate probando cientos de estilos de ropa, peinados, tatuajes y accesorios exclusivos. Actualizado con regularidad con nuevos muebles, entornos y animaciones de avatar para darle a avakin una nueva vida... ¡avakin life! For the first time, online will have their chances to engage in the complete virtual online gameplay that features every aspect of the actual world. Enjoy yourself in the exciting 3d world, in which you can feel free to be your own person. Enjoy the simple and effective communication features and meet new people in avakin life. Make new friends as you join them in your adventures in avakin life. Experience a complete second life like never before. Switch between different looks by having varied clothes or just simply change your hairstyles. Can i turn on my music in the apartment? Yes. You need to purchase shoutcast radio in the store to play music. Where can i get my own apartment and what does it give me? You can purchase your own apartment by going to the store, in the "apartments" section, where you can choose something to your liking. After that, you can decorate and equip the apartment to your taste by buying your favorite furniture and decor items in the store.you can also chat with friends and send messages while in your apartment. These games give players the pleasure of discovering a whole new world by themselves, allowing us to do whatever we want without paying attention to rules. Avakin life by lockwood publishing is also such a game. The game was released on april 22, 2016, so far the game has reached over 10 million downloads on google play. In the beautiful 3d world, you can comfortably dress up, shop, explore and meet, make friends with other players around the world. This is a great opportunity for you to have a second life, trying to be the person you dreamed of. After confirming your application, you can share this with your friends on social networks to advertise your participation in the contest. After starting the game you need to give permission to write data to the device's memory. This permission will allow avakin life to save account data and photos in the device's memory. How do i link my avakin life account to google play? First of all, you need to link your account to a valid e-mail or google play. After that, go to settings> account> logout. My account is blocked / suspended. Can i make a refund? If your account is blocked / suspended, you are not entitled to a refund. I forgot my password, what can i do in this situation? If you have forgotten your password, use the login menu by clicking on the "forgot password" panel. Enter your e-mail, then it will receive an email with instructions. If you specified a non-existent e-mail when registering an account, contact customer support by clicking on the red contact us button. Do you want to become a hero of your kingdome? Then download this game and battle with the wave of evils to protect your kingdom. Now you can teleport your avakin avatar to anywhere using teleport mod. Just choose whether you want to teleport and activate the mod. This mod will increase your avakin life avatar level. As we know, when we open a game for the first time, it starts at level zero. I know, you are getting unlimited money in this mode from which you can buy any dance emote, but this mod is useful when you like someone's dances. It's easy to put furniture when you know how to do it! First of all, open the apartment editing mode: how to drag items of furniture? Drag the item you like from the category into the furniture grid on the screen. Move the furniture along the grid and release it so that the object falls into place. How to move the furniture? To move furniture, click on the item and hold with one finger. Use your second finger to move left and right to rotate the item. My apartment has several floors and rooms, how to arrange furniture in other rooms? Your character should be in the same room that you would like to furnish. If you are unable to put the furniture, try, try rotating the camera. Can i put one item on another? You can place small objects on tables by dragging them to the surface. Do i have to file complaints with other players? Only file a complaint if a player is aggressive or violates the avakin life rules. Organize an unforgettable party and invite your avakin life friends to dance with you and have fun. The best 3d simulation game where you can be a person you always wanted to be in your virtual life. Be a hero or even a villain, whatever you want to complete your dream. Chat with the world's largest virtual game community and make new friends every day also enjoy role-playing with dozens of exciting locations. Below, i am giving you the most straightforward way yo download avakin life mod. If this seems hard, then you can see the below screenshot for better understanding. Note: uninstall any previously installed version of the game; otherwise, it will show an error during the installation process. Below, i am answering some questions that my friends asked me about this game. If you think i didn't pick up your question, then you can comment down. I would love to solve your queries. Yes, you can, but you need an android emulator installed on your desktop. You can buy the top fashion brand clothes in the world. When starting the game, you are offered some money to buy and unlock some types of clothes that you like. Money and experience points can be earned by working and doing daily tasks. Of course. No matter which world you need to work if you want to have money. However, unlike the real world, avakin life allows you to choose any job you love without any experience, college degree or any other requirement. Please note that the use of filters is not available on these devices: how to send a message to the general chat? Go to the location and select the globe icon in the chat window. Will avakin life work on my device? Avakin life is available on platforms such as android, apple, amazon mobile devices, and the facebook gameroom on pc. We recommend using devices with at least 2gb of ram. How to give a friend a present? Any store item or apartment can be presented to a friend. As soon as you leave the editing mode, the player will start playing again. Will shoutcast affect the amount of mobile data i use? Like any other streaming service, shoutcast can transfer large amounts of data. We recommend connecting to wifi before using shoutcast. How to use a construction machine? In a construction machine, you can build things absolutely free! Items that can be built in a construction vehicle are marked with a blue icon in the store. To build an item: use acceleration tokens to speed up the construction process! Plus, bring your home to life with brand new interactive furniture. • relax in the luxurious cannaregio courtyard with an extravagant jaguar petkin. Complete the scene with striking golden fashion pieces from cloud nine. • relax in the luxurious cannaregio courtyard with an extravagant jaguar petkin. Complete the scene with striking golden fashion pieces from cloud nine. • relax in the luxurious cannaregio courtyard with an extravagant jaguar petkin. Complete the scene with striking golden fashion pieces from cloud nine. • reconnect with nature in the rainforest retreat social spot. The easiest way to get items is to buy them at the store for Avacoins. Avacoins can be purchased at the store, in the appropriate section. Some products can be built in a construction machine or obtained from the mysterious box by looking at advertisements in which Avacoins, crystals, and unique products can be served. When you switch to photo mode, you will be asked to use filters. When you select the one you like, click "set as apartment photo" in the lower left corner. Not only choose a character that possesses the right appearance, but you can also custom the skin color, hairstyle, face, and clothing. A tall, masculine guy with a romantic hair and stylish clothes? A cute, cheerful girl who always smiles with the guys around? A hip-hop guy possessing a unique, "crazy" style? If you had an idea about the character, why don't you make it today? Avakin life encourages players to create special styles. The game has hundreds of types of hair, clothes, shoes, skirts and more. Someone offered me free coins. What to do? This is a popular fraud method called phishing. You will be asked to provide an e-mail and account password, but this is not worth it! Never share your account information with third parties! I wanted to purchase an item in the store, but now i can not find it in the store. How to find him?use the search bar in the lower right corner of the store. Some products appear in the store for a limited time.similar products can be identified by the corresponding timer icon. It's easy to put furniture when you know how to do it! First of all, open the apartment editing mode: how to drag items of furniture? Drag the item you like from the category into the furniture grid on the screen. Move the furniture along the grid and release it so that the object falls into place. How to move the furniture? To move furniture, click on the item and hold with one finger. Use your second finger to move left and right to rotate the item. Where to find the item that i built? When an item is completed, it is automatically added to your inventory.please check carefully. If you cannot find the item in the inventory, contact support by clicking "no" and then "contact us" on your screen. Why can't i change the color of the walls and floor? Not all apartments have a similar function. If you look at the list of apartments in the store, you will understand in which apartments you can change the color of walls and floors using the icon with the paint roller icon. He loves to organize parties. Are you not tired of planning a party literally to download avakin life to plan a party? Haha, i was just a boy, you could have a party at home and at games. Your life, party wherever you want. If you have a life, then live happily. But there are some people who haven't been able to organize groups in real life. Because they are so busy with their work, those people shouldn't have to worry, avakin life mod made for them, download and organize groups as much as possible.

[in-mysme-hell]

Um... I know you said NSFW requests but I dont really have any on my mind ehehe... BUT! Do you think you could do the RFA and an MC who loves housecleaning and house-work? If not thats okay I just thought it would be nice >w

This is so friggin cute! Thanks for sending this one in, I had so much fun writing it. Honestly, I love washing dishes (mindless work so I can think over plot lines) and vacuuming carpet flooring. Something about a spotless, clear carpet and those light/dark patterns that the vacuum makes going back and forth…mostly its just an illusion of productivity lol wow I’m such a weirdo ok lets move on

Pupper Yoosung:

If he’s not raging at LOLOL, then he’s busy dealing everything university has to throw at him or at least he should be

As a uni student, the poor boy has little to no time to keep his dorm room clean I relate so hard pls help so isn’t he damn lucky to have you

Poor baby didn’t even realize how much of a mess he made until he looked away from the computer screen and saw how different it all looked wait is that the actual colour of the kitchen counter??

He’ll protest when he sees you picking up after him or cooking him dinner

“MC, no you can’t clean my mess I’m a big boy”

But low-key he loves being pampered. It just makes him feel all warm inside that you love him enough to want to take care of him

Baehee Jaehee:

She’s a pretty clean woman to begin with - a clean environment makes for a productive mind and all that - which is surprising given how busy she always is

Poor baby doesn’t even have time to eat decent meals or catch her breath I’m lookin’ at you mista trustfund kid

So can you imagine the utter relief on her face when she finally drags her ass home from work late at night only to find a hot homemade meal prepared just for her!?

She feels kind of bad that you’re alway fussing over her health and making sure she doesn’t need to worry about housework after spending obscene hours at work

Ofc you reassure her that you actually like cooking and keeping your shared apartment clean - it makes you feel useful and honestly a clean living space just makes you feel 10x less stressed

And it hasn’t escaped your notice how OCDish Jaehee is about cleanliness and the kind

The cute coffee bean that she is she’s always giving you handy lil tips just like that whole duct tape and cat hair thing - tbh it probably comes in handy when you shed a ton of hair around the house

Lovely Zen:

Ok this idiot - the workaholic with only beer and water in his fridge - probs isn’t a clean guy lets be honest

Dating you doesn’t change his crazy work schedule (and multiple workouts per day -_-) so he makes it home barely in time for dinner, if at all

At first, he isn’t used to eating such wholesome meals but after a stern glare on your part and a “aww, Jagi, you’re so cute when you’re trying to act all tough” from him (that got him a night on the couch for sure) he quietly adheres to your domestic side

His fav part is coming home early sometimes and just leaning against the doorway to watch as you vacuum the living room, your iPod blasting, and singing at the top of your lungs

Honestly, these little wifey quirks of yours turn him the hell on u n l e a s h  t h e b e a s t

Since he ran away from home, its been entirely too long since he’s really been a part of the family home lifestyle and so he really cherishes this side of you that allows him to have that in his life again

Daddy Jumin:

Wanting to cook him homemade meals instead of the chef? He can understand that. In fact, he loves it. Loves coming home to the smell of something you’ve made with your own hands, just for him. It’s just another piece of you that ties you to him as his wife possessive fucker

Getting down and dirty on the roof top garden to grow your fav flowers and herbs? He can deal with that. What Mrs. Jumin Han wants, Mrs. Jumin Han gets, yeah?

But then he came home to surprise you for lunch and found you washing the dishes….um what?

this poor little confused cinnamon roll

“But MC, what about the maid? You don’t need to be doing this. You’ll damage your soft skin and….”

You tried to explain to him how therapeutic it was for you to clean the penthouse. Things like washing dishes allowed you to just let your mind wander and it made you feel productive. Besides, being cooped up in the penthouse was boring AF. I mean, there’s only so much time you can spend being pampered and laying around on every piece of furniture before you start going bonkers

He was annoyed that you would do this when he was at work so he wouldn’t know about it and really wanted to put his foot down on this no wife of Jumin Han would be getting her hands dirty with manual labour but you wouldn’t hear of it. You sort of came to a compromise where you could clean the kitchen after using it, but the maid would most def be cleaning the rest of the penthouse. 

GOD Seven:

Oh lord this hot mess lives in an even bigger mess

Like it gives you actual anxiety seeing the state of the bunker Vanderwood relates so hard omfg

So while your precious little tomato head is working obsessively, you’re tackling the Loch Ness monster that is the dirty laundry and chip bags amassing on the dirty floor.

His jaw actually hit the ground when he finally crawled out of his office that he’d been holed in for hours on end

“MC, when did we get a new carpet in the bedroom?”

h o l y f u c k b o i

“no, Saeyoung, that’s the actual colour of your floor”

That was actually your first task when you came to the bunker and you kept it up ever since, all the while slowly training your husband to stop being such a piece of shit Vanderwood’s words not urs

Like Saeyoung felt guilty enough to make a conscious effort to clean up after himself. He felt like enough of a failure already and hating himself for making his wife clean up after his stupid ass was wholly unnecessary

But he also loved that he had someone by his side who loved him and stuck by him despite all his messy habits cut the bby some slack he deserves to be shown all the love in the universe so he took all your scoldings quietly and just gazed at you with hearts in his eyes, still having a hard time believing you were real

- admin Shay

[sanvitheartificer]

white guilt

This is about my white guilt. It involves black people but it focuses on me, a white human. It's what I needed to write out for myself and – I wanted to have it shared, because that feels important, but – tw for racism and like... just... yeah, hella discussion of racist thoughts and actions and life. Pls don't read if you don't need white emotional shit in your life right now. I know most people don't.

Okay, so i'm racist. I'm white, so I'm especially very racist. I'm a cis queerish girl and I'm also sexist and homophobic and fatphobic and ageist and classist and ableist and like, not even borderline, even with the things I am I am not good about these things. But with racism, there's this additional layer to the comes-free-with-life-in-a-biased-fuckworld prejudice, which is all me and my particular privileged bullshit. (Not to say I don't have a bit of that with everything else, or that it's 'not my fault' that I'm sexist, but like. To some degree, that feels like something I'd inevitably have to work on fixing – this racism is on top of the i'd-have-to-work-on-it-inevitably racism.)

basically whenever I fucking see a poc, my brain goes, 'oh, that's a poc. Let's think about alllll the stereotypes you know about that race and culture!' and yeah, I also judge myself every single time I do that, and because i'm a self-conscious privileged white asshole, a lot of those thoughts are like, attempts at positivity. But it's still rooted in this deep – othering.  

what this is linked to is this thing, right? Where, last year, at my first year in my basically-tumblr-as-a-school college, it was hellyear. It was, 'literally everyone is angry and outpouring all the stress and negative emotions that they have ever felt'. I was on queer hall, and definitively the least queer and probably the least depressed human there. It was isolating as fuck, and meanwhile i'd been plunged from my white-as-antartica liberal-but-rich i'm-one-of-the-most-left-people-in-town upbringing into everyone is angry (you have personally wronged us all, white person, you deserve to die). (the stuff in parentheses I made up; no one was saying that but it's how the anger made me feel, because i'm fragile as fuck). Oh, and I broke up with a longtime partner that year! Fun times, fun times.  

Basically, the first time I was even adjacent to black people regularly, this was my experience: they were extremely angry at groups I belonged to, I didn't feel like I fit into the groups I was living with, and no one was helping me deal with any of this shit, or explaining how I should do that. I knew that anger doesn't actually mean 'I hate you in particular, and you are irredeemable', but, well, I never really believed it. I'm still working on believing it now, and I sure as hell didn't then. I told myself, often after being told by my best friend, stuff like that – 'it's not about me' and 'it's not actually my fault' and  'they aren't all angry this isn't representative' and 'they aren't a monolith' and 'white guilt isn't productive', and I tried to understand, to listen, because it seemed like the black people on campus needed that*. But that was one super unconvincing voice (plus my best friend, who is an angel and probably saved me from a much, much worse time, but two voices was not enough) against a shitty fucking environment and some really unhappy thoughts. And depression.

I spent that entire summer aggressively ignoring people. People didn't even know I was back. I spent most of last semester ignoring people too. Over the course of that time, and some really fucking important fanfiction, and a really good living situation this year (so good friends), and actually dealing with family issues in a healthy way and some counseling and now being on terms I like with my parents, I sort of... got better, I guess? I am not depressed now. But, the thing is, a lot of my strategy for dealing with last year's hellscape was just forgetting it. And a lot of the stuff i'd learned/felt was still around.

So a week or so ago, I was dancing in the rain at a bus stop. I'd been out for a long, long time; I have long Tuesdays and Thursdays anyway, and I'd made that one longer by doing some on-campus homework and eating dinner with a homeless person. It was 7pm, I was soaked, and the next bus wasn't coming for quite a while.

I dance mostly to express my emotions, but also a little bit to be seen as the kind of person who dances in public. I've been doing it a long time, and I'm pretty good at it, and it's nice to be seen as long as I don't have to, y'know, see people seeing me.

This late, there weren't too many people at the bus stop. I'd stopped by earlier and then skittered off to a bookstore for a while, to avoid the rain, but it was shortly before the bus was supposed to get there now, and I think a human who'd been there earlier was still there. I noticed her after I took a break from the dancing and the rain, because the bus still hadn't come yet. She was black, and my age, and had on a great outfit, and I liked her. It seemed like she was waiting for the same bus, which meant she probably went to the same college.

What this post is about is my reactions to her that night. Because my first reaction was, as discussed, 'oh hey black human let's think about that' and also, subconsciously, 'she probably hates me'. But then I danced, and our bus came by with 'not running' on it, and then I felt okay about approaching her, because then? I wasn't just a white human anymore, i'd done something to prove myself as an okay human being, I was not just someone to be hated.

It was really startling, how stark that subconscious feeling was. And it made me realize that that was what this was, this additional layer of racism. It was 'I have done wrong'. It was exactly like the guilt that I get when I don't do a chore, and know that people obviously can tell, and I was supposed to do the chore and I could have but I didn't and now they hate me forever and I am scummmm – because I still haven't learned that anger has no fucking thing to do with you, and when you screw up, that isn't about you either, it's about accepting it, fixing it as much as is possible, and moving on. Too fucking often, i've dealt with guilt by seeking reassurance that I haven't made a mistake or that the mistake wasn't that big. The dancing was like that – i've done a good! That means i'm not bad, right?

And that's the revelation I had. Black people don't hate me, specifically, or at least most probably don't. Many black people don't even hate white people, probably. But the thing is? Yes, we screwed up. If there's a bigger fucking screw up than centuries of oppression and death and hatred, then I don't fucking know it. And the black people that do hate me are 115% right to do so, because I have been complicit and I am white and I benefit from my whiteness and their oppression. If they hate me on sight, that has nothing to do with me. I have no right to black people's friendship, or goodwill, or love.

But my subconscious was right about one implicit conclusion – that's a big fucking loss. Black people have so much beauty, and tbh? No one owes me anything. Anyone has the right to hate me on sight, black or not. But that shouldn't stop me, because there's so much beauty in black people and in other poc.

I am not a fucking tower of cards. I will not collapse at the first harsh word. I'm not the kind of person who regularly approaches people to begin with, but from now on i'm not going to let this shit stop me from approaching black and poc faces just as much as I don't approach white people.

*fuck this too; black people don't need me specifically and my guilt-listening was not really genuine or useful. What is needed is genuine, compassionate listening because you actually care about the people as people, and I was not doing that last year. At all.

[alenkamali]

How come you’re never in Slovenia?

I usually come to Slovenia every year, this year I haven’t yet, but I’ll make my way down soon. (very soon, whoever’s in Europe let’s catch up!) Currently, life in Europe isn’t a big part of mine… apart from friends and family that live there. The beautiful land of the small country is surrounded by such amazing landscapes, mountains, lakes, and waterfalls… but I found a similar paradise on the other side of the world. I think that is why I love BC so much… because it reminds me of Slovenia.

    What is the best place in the world?

The one that I’m in right now.

I don’t travel to places, only to dream about that best one that I could be in. I love how flexible my life can be sometimes, that allows me to explore some pretty cool places. But it’s funny how I never think about someplace holding the title of the best. I like to appreciate the town that I’m currently in, without thinking about a better spot to be at that moment. I hope that makes sense.

    What camera do you shoot with?

I use Canon 5D mark ii. Best investment I ever did. The best lens that I love to pair it with, is my 50 mm f1.4.

  Do you use your drone a lot?

Yes, I take my drone, everywhere I go, here’s a shot, from one of my favorite Uluwatu beaches:

  The cheapest way of traveling?

Well, depends how far you want to get. I’ve hitchhiked all around Canada, states, and Europe. I have no problems with packing all my shit in a backpack and sticking my thumb out in the middle of the highway. I’ve literally done that one day when I was supposed to go up to Whistler to ski, my friends ditched so I booked a flight to Santa Cruz to surf for a week and hitchhiked to the airport. (You gotta do what you gotta do, no?) I have met many amazing people through hitchhiking, who are still, till this day, some of my best friends!

      If you live in BC and the cost of gas might be getting in your way of going to more places… you should definitely check out this awesome rideshare site, Poparide. I have taken lots of people with me while going places – especially for the long drives! Saves money for gas and provides great company! Personally, I really like it.

Then, there are plenty of cheap accommodation options on sites like Booking.com and Airbnb.com – look for homestays which save money and give you a chance to meet some locals!

If you want to know more about how I get around, check out my TRAVEL page.

    What do you do, for work?

– photography (adventure(outdoors), commercial, lifestyle, sports, Instagram content, and brand promotion – read below)

– website design (pretty self-explanatory I would say, if you know someone who’s in need of a website, don’t be afraid to shoot me an email! got some specials coming for the holidays

– affiliate marketing links and collaborations with different brands

– online work for this awesome travel company (psst…we’re launching soon)

– selling prints!

– social media consulting  for new, upcoming brands

My weekly workload changes throughout the months, but that pretty much sums it up. I like to keep it busy, but not overwhelmed.

    Do you also work, as you travel?

Yes – I do. I actually managed to create a sweet routine of being able to work from my laptop, pretty much. I usually book my photo shoots, before I travel to a certain place and work from there. Most of the time, working from a laptop, I edit pictures, build websites for others, manage projects back home or I hold private health consulting sessions over Skype and manage my SEEKING THRIVE business. I have studied the Holistic Approach of Integrative Nutrition which is allowing me to travel the world while spreading information about wealth in our health. We have a few spots left in our Portugal retreat if you’re interested check out the EVENT.

    Collaborating with brands

Through my Instagram, I collaborate with a lot of different brands as their influencer. In my opinion, the term “collab” applies to more than just creatives and companies, it also refers to the collaboration between consumer and creator to support one another in their artful pursuits. This year, I made the commitment to only support brands that align with my beliefs. I ONLY promote brands whose products I’ve tried and who’s working conditions, sustainability plan and green planet lifestyle co-ops with mine! Usually, the companies that I work with produce surfing or snowboarding clothing lines, homemade products, natural skincare etc…

If I have the power of influencing my followers, blog readers, kids of my friends and my family, then I want to do it, because I’m doing something good. Not to increase the already big percentage of consumption on this planet. Every time we shop, we give our money to businesses who make decisions in favor of the environment, we shift the direction of our future. As ocean dwellers and seaside occupants, we can no longer afford to stand by and watch our sacred playgrounds be destroyed. We are simply out of time. Being a conscious consumer means we hold the power to support the development of new values in a fast-changing social climate. Fashion is dictated by trends, and we decide the trends. It is our responsibility to make sustainability a permanent trend that drives those industry standards forward.

  ***I DO NOT support brands who run a business of only making money, underpaying or abusing their workers, getting out a wrong message to young girls or test their products on animals.***

  I love to support:

local or family-owned businesses with locally produced products

brands who put their effort into eliminating single-use plastics

fair trade

small production/handmade/organic/sustainably produced clothing

brands that GIVE AWAY (Patagonia)

companies that are making a point of reducing their footprint

authentic and artful contribution

products made with an intention

  Here some of the brands I’ve collaborated with:

Organic Cup, Suntribe Sunscreen, Manda, Entreaguas Swimwear,

  These are some of the examples of products I love to spread the word about. Those companies work hard to support the environment and the health of our bodies. As a surfer, zinc cream and sunscreen are the most important things I always pack with me, that’s why it matters a lot, how it impacts my skin and the water that I surf in. Using the organic ingredients of their choice, like cacao butter and olive oil come with many nutrient minerals and vitamins! These ingredients also don’t harm the coral reef for example, like other sunscreens. I have also been using the Organic Cup as a supplement from pads and tampons. That has saved me so much money (which can go towards another plane ticket) and waste! I love it.

** If you are a brand that wishes to collaborate with me, in exchange of an Instagram post or a blog post, please fill out the form below or contact me directly **

  Are you vegan?

No. I don’t like labels to begin with, but I eat a wholesome 90% plant-based diet and I believe in diversity. Balance is important in my life, especially when it comes to food. I eat a big variety of foods and cooking is one of my favorite activities. Transferring into a mainly plant-based diet has been easier than I imagined and dramatically improved how I felt and looked. I share the recipes daily of my cook-ups on Seeking Thrive Instagram.

  What does your morning routine look like?

I love this. Absolutely love my mornings. Developing a calm, taking-it-slow routine in the last year has helped me staying motivated in waking up early. My day usually begins around 6 in the morning, as the sun rises up (or doesn’t – if its winter time and I’m in Whistler). I keep it simple. No distractions, no phone or music or sounds or the internet. The worse habit that I’m happy that I got rid off, is checking my social media first thing, after waking up. No, I left that in 2018.

Even though I had developed a routine, I don’t necessarily stick to it very strictly. Sometimes I would meditate before journaling and other times I will do a 30-minute yoga stretch and then meditate. The idea was built around 3 or 4 mindful practices that include yoga, meditation, morning journaling and listing things I’m grateful for. Followed by the cup of green tea (or boiled ginger water with lemon) with a walk outside. No matter where I am at the moment, I love the quiet mornings. Still no distractions.

After breakfast (avo toast, granola or smoothie bowl, freshly squeezed orange juice or chia pudding) I work! So that means finally turning on my mobile devices, checking email and planning my day! Which is also the end to my zen morning! If it’s the weekend (which doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the Western week that we know, simply a day that I choose not to work), that usually puts me in the mood to read a book. I don’t think many people know, that I am a huge book warm. I read books in Slovenian, English or recently Spanish. I’m also a firm believer that books help to enhance my mood, and calm me down at the same time. Expanding my vocabulary, the creative flow and giving my brain a nice workout is important too. Is basically food for the soul! Authors and books that inspire me are usually the ones describing a surfers lifestyle, (Barbarian Days is an amazing one) or the ones with a strong female lead. They remind me of my mom.

  What’s your favorite workout?

I am not a gym person and the youtube workouts are also something long gone. Now, all the workout that I do for my body is the sports that I live for. Whether is surfing, climbing, snowboarding, hiking or even yoga. I make sure something interesting happens every day. Which isn’t hard, since my whole life is basically planned on the Search for the waves to surf, rocks to climb or the hunt for the best powder.

  Where are you based out of?

I’m based out of Canada. Most of my year, I live in this small coastal town Squamish, which is a playground for big kids. Lovers of mountain biking, backcountry skiing, kitesurfing, and hiking come from all over the world, to enjoy the beauty of our place! Surrounded by mountains, close to the ocean – my friends and I fell in love with this piece of paradise that we now proudly call home.

  Do you make videos too?

For sure. I took a break from video making that I loved so much, in earlier stages of my “media career”. But I am ready now, to start creating more. I think it was good of how I grew a little more, gave my creative self some space, and now I’m back on track with ideas for more stories I’d love to produce. In terms of filmmaking, 2019 will be a very exciting year.

MOTION REEL is the name of my portfolio. I think it holds a washed out, rustic touch from the ’90s which I’m a fan on. It makes me think of film camera, typewriter script and coffee spilled storyboarding. The pieces that bring me the most joy, were usually shot with some hippie athletes, in the mountains or beach bums in Bali. I had an amazing opportunity of shooting with Ozzy Wright in Uluwatu and some pretty impressive skiers in Whistler. Similar as with photography, my love for filmmaking keeps growing every day.

  Where did you learn photography and editing?

Mostly while practicing. Being on terrain and working with other professionals and experts. Having a circle of friends that are into the same things, really helped me improve them. And not just with photography! I watched a lot of Youtube and Skillshare videos and tutorials. I even made one on my own, about tropical photography!

  Where are you from?

I was born in Slovenia. That is where it all began. My father is Slovenian, and so is my mom. But she was born and raised in Argentina, where my brothers and I spend a lot of our childhood. Bariloche is a beautiful place, located in Patagonia and I’m very proud to call it my home, even though I wasn’t born there.

  Words that you live by?

“Embrace the highs and learn from the lows; stability is important, but it is not our purpose.”

  What are your top skin care products?

I have actually been eliminating any kind of product from my morning and evening routine. In general, using close to zero of the cosmetic chemical stuff, full of promises. I’ve been completely in love with just massaging myself with organic coconut oil before and after a shower, either when I’d wake up or before going to sleep. For my face, I only use Zinc made sunscreen, for surfing (I use Suntribe Sunscreen – they’re the best small family-run business, based out of Europe) and for washing my face – I make a mix of pure coconut and argan oil. Voila! If my skin isn’t having a great week, I would usually apply some tea tree oil.

I am nowhere near having perfect skin, but I’m learning how to accept it and love it every day.

        Do you have more questions, about how I travel, where I live and what I do for work? Would you like to collaborate with me? Fill out the form below and I’ll get back to you, within the following 24 hours.

    [ninja_forms id=1]

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Answers to very personal questions like where I live, what I do for work and how I'm able to travel around. How come you're never in Slovenia? I usually come to Slovenia every year, this year I haven't yet, but I'll make my way down soon.

[adambinford2-blog]

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