#even if I have to fake it REALLY HARD
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I wanna post happy things. I wanna feel hope and be happy. I'm gonna focus on getting back to where I need to be. I need to rip myself out of the hole I'm in and claw my way out. I greatly appreciate yall ❤️ I hope I can return to being the positive person I feel I once was. Thank yall so much for sticking by me while I've been down.
#I think I am in one of those situations where. I need to fake it until I make it. And I need to focus on appreciating the things that make#me happy#and drown out the horrible#even if I have to fake it REALLY HARD#I'm gonna get out of this homies.#EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS WHO IS IN A PIT TOO#STAY STRONG. TAKE BREAKS WHEN YOU CAN#YOU WILL BE OKAY#I will be happy in spite of EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.#I WILL CRY THROUGH IT BUT I WILL FOCUS ON THE IMPORTANT THINGS from now on
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"oh boy, can't wait for episode 4, which will surely center around Mark's reintegration and allow us to see the consequences of the end of episode 3! I mean, there's no other possible thing it could be about!"
#we obviously need to see how this works in the context of the season so im withholding full judgement but the vibes this episode were off?#like in general i'm finding the whole fake helly thing kind of bleh so far and the pacing here isn't really helping#maybe its just because helena plays helly in a very sauceless way and that's what's making me apathetic about it#but even separate from that this ep felt really...empty? idk i'll have to see how i feel about it once we have the full season#i think its also how this episode is hard to place in the timeline. like this has to be happening prior to marks reintegration but we had#no indication at any point that he stayed severed overnight so it feels really removed from everything else#and like. there's plenty in the show that's disorienting and that's on purpose but this doesn't feel like that#idk its just not hitting#severance#severance season 2#image description in alt#severance spoilers
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Learn what actual "proship" means before coming at me with stuff that just tells me that you don't know what proship is.
#proship#profiction#some of y'all act like it means “problematic ship” when it really means ship and let ship. see a ship you don't like? keep scrolling#that's what it is. it doesn't mean liking just one type of ship either. i ship toxic adults together and tend to write psychological horror#but i also write fluffy shit and like all sorts of fiction including wholesome stuff#i draw the line at real people fiction like some folks be writing real people doing crimes and shit but even with that i dont look for it#to fight people like some tumblerina snowflakes activists that think they're “saving” people#shut up😑#antis dni#its not hard to mind your own business with what people be doing with fake made up people aka fictional characters#yall even call ships with the same hair color “in cest”. some of you people take this dumb crap too far LOL#then there's the height and size debates. can't even have characters of the same age together if one is “child sized” or just short#short people can't be adults in anti world#rant in tags#cos people are reblogging old posts going “bu-but” nope. no buts here
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sometimes i think some people in this fandom believe they own the characters they like, and this turns fandom experience into such a toxic and unhealthy one. caring and worrying about a character is very different than disliking anything it's done to them because it doesn't please you and your idea of their personality and who they should associate with.
this begs the question as well, how much is this about Agatha and how much this is actually about just petty hatred/dislike towards Wanda and canon discourse towards Rio? because, in the dawn of Agatha All Along's release, she's been the least one talked of in comparison to her witch mates in some corners of this fandom.
[author's note: it's just so funny to see some clearly biased complaints about recent events in the mcu and the comics, such as Agatha's deaging in the recent runs of the comics. it's obvious that she's been deaged, and it's very ill-intentioned to bissfully ignore the exact time period that her character was first de-aged and redesigned: after Wandavision and Kathryn's Agatha. i thought this was obvious, but since it evidently isn't, Kathryn's Agatha isn't Hagatha. it makes much more sense to match a character that has always been secondary and related to others, without well-defined appearance, and with the ability to age herself down, to its more popular mcu counterpart. also, why complain about a character that hasn't even been released yet, that we don't know a single official thing about, not being inserted in the comics? when said character is rumoured to be a genderbent version of an already existing character i.e Emerald Warlock? so now everything is bad because a single character that never even existed until a few months ago isn't inserted in everything that pertains Agatha's storyline and Agatha's only? are you even listening to yourselves? how come Agatha allegedly being ever-tied to Wanda is such an awful issue, but suddenly her being tied to Rio isn't? are the double standards in the room with us right now? these are just a few issues and complaints i have, and i feel it's high time they were voiced]
[apologize if there are any spell/grammar mistakes, this was written in the middle of a research lab meeting]
#i swear it's so annoying to deal with this fake-concern towards Agatha and her 'storyline'#when what some in this fandom are doing is to just complain and tie this woman's every move to a character that didn't even exist until now#this whole 'wagatha shippers tie Agatha to Wanda' discourse became such an ironical self-projection of what's been happening with Agatha#but in relation to Rio and Rio only since apparently Agatha can't exist and have a life without her#it's so unnerving to see these biased complaints about Rio not being in this or that or that's canon and that's not#i feel like it's beyond time some of you sit back and really read what you've been posting and think about it#this obsession in making Agatha depend on Rio and be tied to her is just as bad as tying her to Wanda#and: canonically they're not even a couple#they're divorced and it's very clear from the recent leaks that Rio will be Agatha's antagonist as well as Wanda's#it's saddening really to see how taken with discourse this fandom has become#and again it's ridiculous that some of you are trying very hard to make it seem you're making it all about Agatha#when in reality you're all making this whole ordea to be about Rio and Rio only#because obviously a comic is only good if it has the characters that i want portrayed in the way i want for my own enjoyment!#some of you are really miserable at this point and are trying to make everyone miserable as well because of your own dissatisfactions#agatha harkness#wanda maximoff#agatha all along
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just noticed a plot hole in my mcd rewrite fic, cycles of love
gonna have to go back through all the chapters to rewrite whatever snippets have it
#aphmau#no but mcd is so hard to rewrite. mainly because of something I don’t think jess gets enough credit for with her writing#the plot of mcd is composed like a stack of dominos. where every little thing#even the nonsensical and fillery and crazy things that you think don’t matter or think can be easily cropped out for sanity sake#they build on top of one another and directly lead into future plot points that hinge on the tiniest details#like. for example. when levin is born#originally I thought that was a detail that didn’t really matter so I just changed it so that Matilda gives birth to levin AFTER Vylad#saves her and puts her in Scaleswind yeah?#yeah turns out Aphmau traveling to Scaleswind to meet Matilda in the first place depends on Gene/zenix/sasha knowing what levin looks like#in order to perfectly describe him for the missing child report that Aphmau follows to Scaleswind#yknow. the fake missing child report. because Vylad is hiding Matilda and levin from them and they’re trying to find levin#which MEANS they need to know what levin looks like in order to perfectly describe him#which only would have been possible if levin had been born BEFORE Vylad rescues her and brings her to Scaleswind#so. fuck me i guess LMAO#that is to say you’ll be getting a new scene in chapter one where Garroth and Zenix meet the new baby#when I’m done fixing the chapters#wish me luckkkkk (I want to tear my hair out)
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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In my imagination of red and leaf being twins and both autistic I think the only reason leaf doesn't have the same totally blank 😐 face as red is because she did the age old classic of practicing facial expressions in the mirror every day until she learned the basic ones. She also made her default expression a smile 🙂 to seem more approachable.
Unfortunately since the expressions don't come naturally to her and she had to learn them, the can come off as exaggerated/overly dramatic. Which is fine for some people but others find it equally as off-putting as reds poker face. It makes her a little sad when people dislike her because of it bc shes doing her best to fit in but can't seem to get it right.
She puts a lot of effort into masking at least when she's a kid-teenager but once she's older and has made more solid friendships she can let herself relax and not need to stress about it so much, although in social situations she may still slip back into old habits.
Red does not mask and never really has. I choose 2 believe his mom was really supportive and accommodating so he wasn't forced to hide his autistic traits unlike leaf. This is because in my au they are twins but their parents split and leaf had to stay with their dad. Who is not as understanding as their mom.
Idk if he'd be actually horrible to her but he was not as patient or understanding as their mom + leaf also just craved more friends and wanted to be able to socialize more so she eventually learned how. Red is content with the 4 people he knows (mom, oak, daisy, green) and prefered to mostly be alone so he didn't have that motivating factor to do it.
He was very content with having one friend, green, but he was def lonley during their "rival" phase when green stopped hanging out with him and was focused on trying to prove himself in some way only he understood or worried about. Along with that is green also being the master of masking for the most part. I don't see oak as being particularly accommodating and patient with him so while Daisy probably was, she's also not a parent so she couldn't be responsible for caring for green the way oak should've been.
As they got older green also craved to be seen as cool and popular amongst his peers so he started masking heavily and also distanced himself from red. Unfortunately he realizes that being accepted for a fake version of himself by mainly strangers is actually very lonley and he misses their friendship 😢 but atp he probably figures red wouldn't wanna be friends again bc of how green ignored him for so long so I think they don't become close again until After the gym challenge "rivalry"/red dissapearing/reuniting years later. So they were both missing each other a lot but both felt unable to reach out bc of the distance that grew between them when green pulled away. Anyways tldr green pro masker leaf trying very hard to mask but struggling a bit and red rawdogging his autism never masked a day in his life.
#green is better at masking in the sense that he doesnt struggle with facial expressions and can mimick others social behaviours pretty well#he really learned via watching others and practicing fake conversations in his head until he could navigate most conversations well#he does still have times where he did not account for certain factors or new situations so he has to observe and learn some more lol#leaf struggles with socializing even when she watches and tries to copy bc unlike green who is naturally a bit dramatic and animated#she instead leans heavily into having flat affect like red. she also struggles really hard with picking up on other ppls intent/feelings#the type of person who isnt sure what the emotion were feeling right now is bc she also struggles to identify her own feelings sometimes#red does that too. part of why hes very avoidant and internalizes everything is that he often can't identify exactly what hes feeling#and if he can he doesn't know how to make it feel better/would rather ignore it and try to focus on something else#green tries to internalize his negative emotions but i think hed struggle with it so he js def the type to bottle things up for awhile#but he quickly gets overwhelemed and ends up having a bit of a meltdown when he can't hold it in any more#hes very reactive. part of why his and oaks relationship is difficult to mend is bc green gets very easily triggered by any small jabs oak#makes at him even jf theyre unintentional especially if he compares him/his strength as a trainer to red#when red dissapears it would get worse bc he is constantly weighed down by guilt and can end up lashing out a bit#especially with his bpd making him prone to mood swings/very strong emotions he struggles to process#he gets better at it as he gets older but it's really overwhelming and difficult as a kid/teen bc oak is 0 help and daisy#does what she can to hell him when she can but shes his sister not his mom. im not making her take on a parental role she is also a kid#anyways. thjs js ungodly long#trainer red#trainer leaf#green oak#blue oak#pokemon headcanons
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Here’s a bunch of silly messy little sketches for the mungrove peeps
#mungrove#thought abt cleaning these up but I have homework 😔#did billy help Eddie to graduate in 85 or was billy actually a junior when they came to Hawkins#you decide#billy graduated with honors specifically so he didn’t have to wear god awful Hawkins high green#tell me I’m wrong#in any case last one they are definitely in Cali#Eddie is perhaps not as much a fan of fun in the sun as billy#but he persists!#and complains about sand in his converse for weeks even though billy offered him some flip flops#and definitely still gets sunburned despite Billy’s best efforts#they have fun though#he’ll do it again and again just to see billy do what he loves#I do know that’s not what a diploma looks like#I have one#but we’ll pretend Hawkins gives out fake diplomas at grad ceremony bc they think they’re fancier than they really are#Eddie probably doesnt know it’s fake and that’s why Billy’s actually laughing so hard#my art
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I love not giving out personal information on the internet where everyone can see!!! Majority of things I say in tags are bullshit!! I have lied to you and I will lie again because guess what! I do not know you! And also it’s funny, I love making things up it’s so fun you all should try it sometime. For example, when was I born? July 7th, 1987. What’s my mother’s name? Jane. What’s MY legal name? Benjamin Gonzalez. What’s my favorite food? Wheatcakes. Favorite color? Aquamarine. Favorite movie? Velocipastor. My favorite shirt? The one that says “I’m older than the internet.” Is any of what I said true? Hell if you know! That’s for me to know and you to wonder about for the next five minutes. Like sorry to burst anyone’s bubble but I do Not know who could be reading my posts or going through my blog at any given opportunity. Likes yes I have my genuine moments but anything that looks like personal info is more than likely a lie
#making things up is so fun i love doing it#making it so that people i don’t know don’t actually know me is really funny actually#i was raised to be very paranoid and trust nobody not even myself and it’s served me well so far#what do you mean i have a hard time keeping/making friends#this isn’t satire or a joke btw i’m being 100% serious when i say most of you glimpse of me in tags is fake#i just like saying shit#why? i told you. it’s funny :D#also i feel like a lot of people don’t realize how easily someone dedicated could piece together who you are irl with enough info#it’s not as hard as you’d like to think which is the scary part
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i cant believe i have to say this and i know some people are gonna piss their pants over this, but just know the chipspeech fandom will forever be a system-friendly space, and if you dont like that then you can take your ass elsewhere
systems are stigmatized enough and i dont want any systems here to feel unsafe. if this is how yall are gonna treat systems then it really says a lot about you
#''but theyre faking it!!!!!'' you are not the one who determines that - ESPECIALLY if youre a singlet#and even so you shouldnt fucking fakeclaim#this hits so fucking hard cuz ive SEEN the treatment systems get. they constantly get shit ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!#and if you're gonna resort to fucking ableism just cuz we booted you out of the fandom for being a piece of shit#then that really says a lot about the person you are#i did not fight this fandom with my bare fucking hands just to have people be ableist pieces of shit#this is mostly targeted but im saying this in general. treat systems with respect ffs#like i said - they're stigmatized enough they don't need more shit#ugh#sango hisses#chipspeech
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i know that ep12 with its sunbathing scene at the market place is known as one of the most romantic scenes in the show and i dearly love it too BUT HAVE U EVER LAID EYES UPON THE RIVER SCENE AT THE START OF EP12 BECAUSE AAAA
#this makes me realize that this episode already starts off as pure romance#ep11 ends with angst and a shaky truce between wkx and zzs#the disaster of the fake glazed armour pieces just happened and zzs has Feelings#wkx tiptoes around him and is a lot more tentative than usual#they dont really name any of their issues because of zcl#but its p obvious even to zcl that wenzhou are Not Good with eachother#but then ep12 starts:#wkx is alone at the river . hes very sad#zzs arrives and offers him his wine out of the blue#wkx doesnt dare believe that zzs has forgiven him#but he accepts the wine and they joke and flirt#zzs tells him that its hard to open your heart but he will make the first step#he tells him what wkx means to him and what hes willing to put his faith in#wkx is very anxious abt it#zzs is satisfied with his achievements and takes his wine back to leave#wkx remains uncertain but at least he now knows where zzs stands#The End#im just!!!!!! there are so many narrative parallels here i didnt notice before#the wine thats exchanged - the moon - zzs joining wkx at his sad riverside thinking#(wkx really has a thing for thinking besides rivers)#and wkx is the flirty one of the two but have you SEEN how zzs LOOKS at him??!!!!! aaaa#wenzhou#word of honor#wen kexing#zhou zishu#my thoughts#word of honor episode 12
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somewhere out there is an alternate timeline where toby was correct and people actually did hate spamton. could you imagine that. i have to imagine we wouldn't have gotten the spamton sweepstakes in that case which is crazy to think about given how much lore that gave us-
#puppy rambles#deltarune#spamton#my favorite part of the spamton sweepstakes is the part of the q&a where spamton implied he and jevil are divorced#are all the secret bosses in a polycule you think. we need to add to this deranged relationship#diversity win! all the people who were driven insane by being told their world is just a game are in a polyamorous relationship <3#i like to think gaster made a discord for all of them. just like ''hey. sorry for telling you your world's fake. here's a discord. good by'#i don't even care about the secret bosses super much but they still amuse me greatly. even if there's only two of them rn-#spamton is so hilarious. idk why everyone is so obsessed with him but it makes him even funnier to me#also his text in brackets is fun to write. it's also hard to write but you can do so much with it#since it's taken from various places on the internet you can just reference memes#... i mean the one problem is that it'd probably have to be memes from the time period deltarune's in#so like. early 2000's or 2010's#but the valentines don't regard that and reference more recent memes so who knows really#maybe deltarune's actually meant to be in modern times. i mean you could fully convince me#that noelle just likes old internet-style websites and stuff dfskljfdsdfjksfkjlsfkj-#(i mean some of the meme references are up to interpretation)#(but the two definite ones are the war thunder forums leaking military documents and also the hotel mario intro)#(and at the very least the former is a newer thing)#(there's also seemingly references to the ''let me in'' meme and the foam shower images from the april fool's newsletter last year)#(idk where the fuck else ''insulating foam'' would be taken from-)#i hope spamton just randomly contributes to conversations sometimes if you have the dealmaker equipped#i logically doubt it but it'd be extremely hilarious#i'm now imagining equipping the dealmaker to noelle. who was not there for either spamton encounter#''um. kris why's there a voice in my head telling me to be a big shot?'' ''don't worry about it''#alternatively if you just get the dealmaker from the hole in castle town cuz you have another file with it#... can you do that in chapter 2 files. if so then can you technically have the dealmaker while not having met spamton-#''player why is there a voice in my head telling me to be a big shot'' ''don't worry about it''#''i'm sparing you from having an existential crisis later-''
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2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it
#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff#in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content#but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally#im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit#whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it#it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad#i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to#feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people#i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know#i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all#being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know#Losing a friend really does something to you huh.
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I've written 2500 words today and my takeaway is that this whole fic really is just:
Diluc: I have feelings for you.
Jean: I have feelings for you.
Narrator: The feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it realized that it could be just as strong as romantic love (and cause the same magical problems).
#this one is really just 'the problem was amatonormativity all along' at its heart#part of me is still mulling 'wouldn't it be interesting in different ways if diluc WAS really in love#and this was about not actually having an obligation to reciprocate--yes even if it's killing them'#which is a fic maybe i do want to write someday?#but rn i'm having FUN writing jean trying so hard to fake 'in love' that she's missing that diluc is also faking 'in love'#so i am setting that weird guilt at not writing the other thing gently aside and assuring it that it doesn't have to fuss anymore#if that idea wants to be used once this is over i can apply it elsewhere. for now this is about jean and diluc's ouroboros of obligation#fic nattering
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yoooooo do you know what happened to callm3senpaii ?!?!?!???? i was a huge fan of their banger works and when i try to find them now their account is deactivated I am devastated 😭
chiiileee 😭 long story short they got mad they traded away gojo on mudae, blocked everyone and deleted their blog.
i wish i was lyin'.
#ೃ༝💌⁀➷ 𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉мαιℓ#ೃ💌⁀➷𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉αησηѕ#lmfao usually i wouldnt spill tea on the TL like this but its been like 9 months and idgaf any more im tired of being fake about it#im not sparring you hoes when y'all spaz over dumb shit jhfskdhfkdsjf#i literally spoke to this girl for 3 days on discord telling her she didnt have to do it and it was just a game and no one cared that hard#she acted weird for a week being passive aggressive and the next thing u know we blocked and her blog deleted without a word#and apparently we (black) microagressed her (white) when we never said anything bad about her ever#like that was my bestie on this app for MONTHS and we spoke every damn day she was the person i was closest to on the server even!?#we made the server together?! and invited ppl#see this is also why i hated gojo for so long and didnt write him until this summer#cause some of y'all hoes aint right in the head over this man and i was traumatized im ngl#like i didnt even have toji atp and didn't act like this and y'all know thats my nigga daddy who i would spill blood for 😭😭😭#mudae shows u who ppl really are istg jhdfkjshfjksd#the most ironic thing is i DM'd her on the side saying i had a fun game but was nervous to add it cause i didnt want ppl to fight#and she said “omg its just pixels who would do that?” HOE U APPARENTLY!!!! KFHSDLKFJHDKJ#someone say im lyin cause i have receipts kfjhdkjfhdkhjs#mudae war stories jkdhajhda#tw discourse
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#hi anon#i find it hard to decide if this groupchat was real#what is real is that those accounts have those opinions#so the groupchat part doesn’t really matter#even if this one is fake#there’s probably ones that aren’t#there’s also probably ones from our side that are similar#all in all#people talking shit on members like that is wrong and they should be unfollowed immediately
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