#even after 10 hours
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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I went a little off the rails for a power-point-party, so I thought I'd share. Don't come at me about canonicity. Also yes, I spent hours using illustrator to make pose-able vector mando'ade.
Review from my friend: "I feel like I actually learned something?"
#star wars#starwarsblr#mandalorian#jaster mereel#Jango Fett#Boba Fett#star wars fanart#does anyone want or need this? no?#I spent maybe 10 hours on my powerpoint#after last time my friends gave me a hard 20-slide limit#also are you really going to tell me that “shabuir” ISN'T MOTHERF*CKER?#fictional language#it's not even canon anymore why am I like this#this was learned through reading enough fan fiction to be able to tell what words are accurate and infer what they mean
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I started drawing this next day after I finished Act 6
13 or so days and it's finished!
Main things are traditional and Loop's body was edited digitally after
Unedited it looks like this
I've been torn on how to do Loop's body for the entirety of lining, also
A bit sad the main lines are visible only as a wip, most of this thing is literally just a ton of sharp lines
I think it's also my first day of drawing, Loop is just a sketch here (feat. my leg)
I even finished the beans before it so they were a moral support, because if you let me things like this take a year
#fanart#my art#isat#isat fanart#in stars and time#isat loop#loop#traditional art#artists on tumblr#Phew#So anyway this was my way of figuring out my thoughts after finishing the game#I didn't even actually finish it with credits playing at that moment#This type of art is my therapy#And in a way literally how my personality works from big figures to small details of thinking about anything#It's really calming!#I won't tag paper figures but they're here#Like special guests#In any case the funniest thing was showing this to my English teacher and she was like 'wow this looks stressed' or something#Like she immediately looked at the lines and after I showed her my old Flowey drawing like this she was like#'oh it makes sense! This one looks calm but this one is clearly you not feeling good'#Because I was kinda#Like sitting there in the semi-park and feeling sick since morning before I started drawing this and slowly I got better#I already talked about this on my first 'big' isat thing - I needed to think a bit#And not think at the same time just literally letting myself sort stuff out#Like. I fell asleep at 6 am that day and woke up at 10 4 hours of sleep after playing full Act 5 and two hats stuff IS STRESSFUL#SUPER STRESSFUL! Like I felt like I was playing for 4 hours while sleeping#Anyway by the time I finished it aka today I'm feeling way better and I'm literally talking a walk right now#Touching grass as we speak#Anyway phew!#Now to that animatic that's plaguing my mind to draw it nowww
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Prompt 292
“Oh I am blaming all of this on you T,” one of the beings in the summoning circle groans, burying their corpse-pale head in clawed hands as their white hair flickered.
“Me? Excuse me, I wasn’t the one to accept the summoning!” another being protested, hood hiding most of their face save for molten-gold eyes and glittering runes or code on dark blue skin. “I was trying to figure out how to convince PK to change our schedule to include more sleeping, so don’t look at me, look at S!”
“Well I didn’t accept it,” the only girl-sounding one scoffed, her crown of thorns seeming to writhe and bloom in her black hair for a moment. She crossed her arms, narrowing green eyes just a few shades darker than the white-haired one. “Maybe talk to whoever decided to summon us?”
All of the sudden the cultists and heroes were being peered down at by a trio of… honestly whatever they were, because they didn’t seem to be the “Infinite King” the cult had been attempting to summon. Actually, they kind-of-maybe looked like kids… Which probably meant their parents or caretakers wouldn’t be too pleased.
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Halfa Trio#They all go by Phantom lol#Space Core Danny#Life Core Sam#Storm Core Tucker#They’re all technically princes/princesses of the Realms thx to Pariah thinking they’re adorable lil violent ankle biters#Who practically tried to gnaw him to death & are just lil ghostlings not even 10 years old yet#Clockwork technically adopted them first#They made a deal with PK that they visit daily & he puts Amity Park BACK#Even if everyone is now ecto-contaminated from being in the Realms for a solid several hours or so#Honestly they’re getting way more sleep than they would if just one of them were halfas because they can take turns on night duty#Though yes they all have their own Dan equivalent#And I have no clue what happened with the clones besides Dani but she’s now all of their baby sister#She’s with the Yetis gettin medical care hence why she didn’t also get summoned#Fright Knight is their main teacher & they're going to have to fight to not have him assigned as their bodyguard after this summoning bs
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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down
#all i want is chinese food#the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place#its my worst option and its not even an option#‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure#even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks#even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long#all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice#more expensive and worse than a takeaway place#but i cant get it from a takeaway place#repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years#the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home#can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to#and its so dumb to want to cry over rice#but its not really about the rice is it#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#chronic illness#disability#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ehlers danlos syndrome#fibromyalgia#chronic fatigue#chronically ill#mental illness#mental health
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love how every phone call with my dad is like negotiating a peace treaty between two warring nations
#🐉#him: ill call you again this evening#me who has been awake traveling since 3pm yesterday (its now 12pm): but im already calling YOU tomorrow after work#him: but how am i supposed to know you got home safe#me: ill message you? like a normal person whos just had their brain fried by a 10 hour redeye flight?#jeeeeeeeeesus christ
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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finally got around to doing that illustration I wanted to do from TAOLAW by @fireflywritesgt :D
Huzzah!
#This little part made my heart Happy!#g/t#giant tiny#g/t art#gianttiny#taolaw#Hehehe#I finally got all of my coursework finished so I’m free forever after Tuesday!#10 hour exam.#Drawing for two Days Straight#And we can’t even bring headphones 😭 I’m gonna explode !#Anyway ^_^ Draw ing things I want to draw actually Makes me happy!#Idid a whole lighting study yesterday for my coursework but I still don’t know If I captured it right here#After my examI can get back to posting self indulgent drawings again Huzzah!
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BEFORE & AFTER GIF CHALLENGE (tagged by @ex0rin)
I've been meaning to do one of these sets for a while now. I love before & after comparisons in general but I also think it's good for non-giffers to get a peak behind the scenes at some of the Horrors that gif makers have to deal with (yes, that really is the original on the right) and the work that goes into this under-appreciated craft.
I've seen at least 4 of my gifs reposted without credit in just the last week. The sad fact is the vast majority do not understand that giffing requires a lot of time, effort, and skill – developed and honed over years like any other art form – and, as such, often feel entitled to our work. People seem to think we just take a video clip (at most slapping a premade filter over it), export it as a gif, and call it a day. I challenge anyone to try that and see how well it goes. In reality, each of these gifs required at least 7 individually customized adjustment layers to achieve various types of light and color correction to get the look I wanted while also retaining as much quality as possible when exported with the meager 256 colors allowed for gifs (for reference, a typical monitor can display more than 16 million colors). Not to mention the other processes involved from downloading to frame selection to sharpening.
I taught myself this witchcraft so that we can all enjoy pretty moving pictures of our favorite scenes on our blogs. All I ask is that you please give me and the other incredible giffers out there the same respect as any other artist and at least credit us when reposting and using our work.
#I swear I'm not trying to be all woe is me#I genuinely enjoy giffing and love the challenge#every gif is like solving a puzzle#I just wish this work wasn't taken for granted#maybe if it were more appreciated it wouldn't be such a dying art form#the process for even the simplest gifset usually takes hours#and I rarely attempt complex gifsets anymore because those take days#and then get 10 notes#okay getting of my soapbox now#giffing#gif challenge#content creation#my edit#I don't know who to tag so if you're a giffer I'm tagging you#I'd love to see your before and afters
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Need time off from work to focus on my career as a pretty boy on the internet
#i just changed up my hair and i think its super cute but i dont have time to do a photoshoot rn ;-;#working a night shift the day after and then back 8-10 hours later to work an evening shift#ugh#but rest assured#when i have time i will be taking cute pics and probably making a tiktok
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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regained my 12 year old swag(read an entire new percy jackson book in one sitting)
#CHALICE OF THE GODS WAS SO GOOD#AUAUUGHHHUHGHHHGHHHSH#i was laughing out loud every few minutes for like 5 hours straight#this was a book of BITS#(spoilers in tags from here on out)#i keep thinking abt percy’s river rage tantrum and how he came out of it to annabeth saying ‘yeah he’s scary sometimes when he gets worked#up. do you want more tea?’#COMEDY#the entire bit with him hiding under the pastry cart. the thing about annabeth having a secret fanclub and percy’s not even phased.#THE HIMBO JUICE THING. RICK RIORDAN WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THERES A HOOTERS BUT FOR MEN AND SMOOTHIES#annabeth apparently specifically won’t bake clue cupcakes. and this is happening less than 2 years after the famous sixteenth birthday blue#cupcake that she and tyson made for him. the one that looked like a blue brick that they are with their hands.#<— not inconsistency. comedy.#percy’s whole thing with playing with the snakes with the rainbow as he’s fully prepared to be eaten😭😭😭😭😭he is SO unserious#the entire mt olympus scene where he keeps getting distracted from what he’s doing bc he can’t stop roasting zues in his head????#PERCY I LOVE YOU#ugh i forgot how much i adore percy pov.#pov of not knowing what’s going on ever. pov of being distracted every 10 seconds. he’s literally so real#i thought eudora was hilarious#the whole concept that percy has to do this at all. i think it’s so funny#ppl who are mad that the premise of the quests is stupid. like yeah. percy jackson has a stupid life.#when annabeth broke through his window at 4am to sit on his bed and talk about rocks and trees. everything#percy not knowing the names of anyone at his school or on his swim team#when the god showed up at his cafeteria and percy just ate his lasagna sandwich before talking to him😭😭😭😭that child is TIRED#i loved the light graffiti in the tunnel. when percy wrote their initials i SCREAMED#WHEN. WHEN HE ASCENDED AND TURNED INTO RAINBOW LIGHT WITH THE POWER OF WANTING TO TELL ANNABETH HE LOVED HER.#I DIED.#THE POWER OF LOVE ALWAYS SO STRONG‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#AUGH i am weak#pjo
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i know i already drew fanart of it but i keep thinking about the fact that i’m just SURE katsuki loves letting izuku rant about whatever topic comes to mind and just listen to him and i feel like drawing an entire comic about it i can’t have enough of that headcanon
#like it makes me feel genuinely insane#like he said it HIMSELF he hates not knowing what izuku’s thinking#and he has almost never told him to shut up#or he barely does it#like at most he’ll pull some face but mostly avoids reacting#even back when their relationship was at their worst#and i just KNOW that after the war with him allowing himself more to feel#all the love and appreciation he has grown to have for izuku#I KNOW he started to love his rambles even more#im so sure of it like i know him personally that boy could sit and listen to izuku for hours#dont even try to convince me otherwise#no that’s it i’m drawing 10 more fanarts about this i dont even care#bkdk#bakudeku
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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The first half of "The Great Impersonator" was like a start of a breakdown, crying and gasping for air; the second part - it's the numbness that comes after hours of crying.
#it didn't help that right in the middle of listening to the album I got some personal info that pissed me off and I was NOT in a right#emotional state#so it's only 10:40 am#i still haven't finish my first listen#even tho it's been 2 hours of listening#and I feel like I've been throught A LOT#how am I supposed to do anything after this?#the great impersonator#tgi#halsey#ashley frangipane
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Was working on something before I forgot that I can't fucking draw.
Yeah this is what a grown-ass adult's art should look like, this is the quality expected of someone whose been drawing since they could grasp a pencil. This measly scribble is worth 2 days of effort using all my free time.
#I hate myself#not to blog post or anything but my life is so stressful and I think that if I was good at drawing and churning out drawings quickly and#beautifully on the daily/weekly..#If I was like the thousands of foreign 12 year old prodigies on instagram with perfect anatomy on a mere sketch#or the soul-sellers on pixiv uploading 200 fully colored drawings at once#all my problems would be solved.#Im so hateful and it's all towards myself. I'm so painfully envious of things I'll never have...#...like a cock or artistic skill. If I wasn't so scared of not existing (to the point where thinking about it makes me physically ill)#l would have ended my shit already. But here I am.#So take this stupid ugly fucking Shane I tried to draw at midnight after a 10 hour shift. You're here to see bellies-#-not me bitching and moaning. Matter of fact I'll probably delete this part later. Whatever.#What is my fucking problem??#Enjoy what little I'm able to give. All I want is to share my thoughts and ideas and concepts and I can barely even do that.#I think I am going to pass out typing this so uh#see you later when I regret this post and delete this part haha#If I even remember#self post#Drawing#tummy kink#stomach ache#bloated belly
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