#evan buckley has got to be having the worst time of his life or i dont want it

[whiteknightloser]

we all know buddie is gonna have some kind of life threatening event before they dare utter the words “i love you”, we also know it should be eddie. it’s his turn.

what if eddie gets into a really bad crash on the highway in the middle of nowhere (this has nothing to do with my want to have even a little bit of time in a popular show set in new mexico). his phone breaks in the crash. he can’t call 911 and he cant call buck. eddie starts helping the other driver to the best of his abilities, trying to get them both somewhere with a phone. get them both help. eddie is bleeding really bad and putting all of his weight on this stranger, his only thoughts are of christopher and buck. he needs to make it home to both of them.

meanwhile in los angeles buck is slowly losing his mind. eddie said he would call when he got there, he hasn’t called yet, he should have called an hour ago. but it’s probably fine he probably just made a couple stops on the way. he lets another hour pass, itching to get a call from eddie. it doesn’t come. he starts freaking out, and unlike with tommy, eddie isn’t there to stop him from calling. straight to voicemail. okay. maybe he just doesn’t have service right now. he lets half an hour pass, he calls again, straight to voicemail. buck is having the worst month of his life. who knows what could’ve happened, if eddies safe, if he’s even alive.

then he remembers chris. he has to tell chris, once again, that he might not see his father ever again. his heart drops. he remembers the will.

i have no idea how this storyline would continue, or how it would end but my GOD if this happens in the show i’d lose it. (if anyone want to write a fic about this send it to me immediately after its done thank yewww)

[redocity]

Hii can I request that the reader and buck want to hook up but at the time Albert is still living with him so they have to be quiet so they won’t be caught

OPERATION: GET IT ON — E.BUCKLEY

poor albert has an uncanny talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

evan buckley x gn!reader | 1.2k | 16+ | masterlist.

this fic is rated 16+ for suggestiveness.

You’re practically a fixture at Buck’s place these days. It started as casual visits—pizza, beers, and the occasional game night that turned into long nights spent tangled in his sheets. No strings, no labels.

You both agreed to keep it simple: friends with benefits. Though, lately, it’s felt less like "friends" and more like "a couple trying not to call it that."

It’s perfect. Well, it was perfect. Then Albert moved in.

Albert, Buck’s charmingly oblivious roommate, who seems to have an uncanny knack for being everywhere at once. If you’d known Buck had offered his couch to Albert after he’d hit a rough patch, maybe you would’ve suggested finding a different arrangement. But you didn’t. And now Albert is inescapable.

You’re not proud of it, but you’ve started to dread the sight of Albert’s car in the driveway when you pull up to Buck’s place. Because where Albert is, privacy isn’t.

The first week isn’t too bad. You still manage to find your moments—brief, stolen ones that usually end with you shoving a hand over Buck’s mouth to muffle his laughter. He thinks it’s hilarious, sneaking around his own house like you’re in some kind of spy movie.

“Albert’s not your parole officer,” he whispers once, trailing kisses down your neck. You’re both pressed against the door of his laundry room, listening intently for any sign of movement outside.

“Tell that to him,” you hiss back. “I swear, the guy’s got a sixth sense. He always shows up at the worst possible time,”

As if on cue, you hear Albert’s voice from somewhere down the hall. “Hey, Buck! You seen my phone charger?”

You barely have time to scramble apart before the door creaks open. Albert’s head pokes through, his eyes narrowing in confusion at the sight of you both standing there like guilty teenagers.

“What are you guys doing?” he asks, his gaze bouncing between you and Buck.

“Laundry,” you blurt out.

Buck nods vigorously. “Yup. Laundry,”

Albert frowns, but thankfully doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. Buck points him in the direction of his charger and Albert leaves, muttering something under his breath about “weird energy.”

You let out a sigh of relief the second he’s gone. Buck, of course, just laughs.

—

By week two, you’re starting to feel the strain. Albert, for all his good intentions, doesn’t seem to understand the concept of personal space.

He’s always around—plopping onto the couch during movie nights, barging into Buck’s room without knocking, or “accidentally” eating the snacks you brought over.

“Does he ever leave?” you whisper one night as you and Buck huddle in the tiny bathroom, desperate for some alone time.

“He works,” Buck says defensively, though even he doesn’t sound convinced.

“Does he, though?” You gesture vaguely. “Because I’m starting to think he’s just here to ruin my sex life,”

Buck snorts, pulling you closer. “C’mon. He’s not that bad,”

You raise an eyebrow. “This from the guy who almost got caught making out with me in the kitchen last night?”

He grins, unrepentant. “What can I say? The thrill keeps it interesting,”

—

The next evening, you found yourself back at Buck’s apartment. Albert had miraculously not been home when you arrived, and it seemed like this time, you’d finally have the place to yourselves. You and Buck had been scheming all week about tonight—how you could finally get some uninterrupted time together.

Buck had just opened a bottle of wine, pouring it into glasses, when you heard the telltale sound of Albert’s bike coming up the street. You both froze. You glanced at the door, then at Buck. His face was a mixture of dread and exasperation.

“Are you kidding me?” you whispered, dropping your shoulders in defeat.

Buck held up his hands in an exaggerated gesture. “I don’t know, man! I really don’t know!”

The door swung open, and Albert entered, this time carrying a strange plant that you had never seen before.

“Hey, I bought this,” Albert said, grinning from ear to ear. “You guys like plants, right?”

You stared at him, slack-jawed for a second, before replying, “Uh, sure, Albert. Looks… interesting?”

“I think it’s called a ‘cat’s whisker’ or something,” Albert said, holding it up for your inspection. “Do you think it needs direct sunlight?”

Buck, looking completely defeated, gestured to the couch. “Just put it on the coffee table or something, Albert,”

Albert set the plant down and then promptly flopped onto the couch. “You guys gonna watch something? I’m kinda in the mood for a movie night,”

You and Buck exchanged an alarmed glance. This was not how you had envisioned the evening. You tried to subtly steer the conversation in a direction that would get Albert to leave, but he was relentless.

“I was thinking of watching something weird,” Albert continued, oblivious to the awkwardness in the room. “I have this documentary about deep-sea fish. You guys into that?”

You and Buck both stiffened. You could feel the heat between you two, the unspoken desire still lingering, but Albert was firmly planted between you and any chance of satisfaction.

Buck cleared his throat, attempting to put an end to the conversation. “Yeah, Albert, that sounds great, but we kinda—uh—have plans?”

Albert’s face dropped. “Oh… okay. Well, I guess I’ll just go back to my room then,”

As Albert shuffled off, you turned to Buck, your frustration bubbling to the surface. “How do you put up with this?”

Buck groaned. “I have no idea, but it’s like trying to have a date night with a permanent third wheel,”

—

Next time, you think you’re in the clear. It’s late, and Albert is supposedly working an overnight shift. Buck has you pressed against the kitchen counter, his lips trailing along your neck.

“This is better,” you whisper, your fingers hooking into the waistband of his jeans.

He grins against your skin. “Told you we’d get our alone time,”

It’s perfect—until the kitchen light flicks on.

“Forgot my keys!”

You both freeze, like two teenagers caught sneaking out after curfew. Albert stands in the doorway, blinking at you, his face rapidly shifting from confusion to dawning realization.

“Oh,” he says. “Ohhh.”

Nobody moves.

“Don’t mind me,” Albert says, grabbing his keys off the counter and backing out of the room. “Carry on!”

The door slams shut behind him, and you groan, burying your face in your hands, moment officially ruined.

“I’m starting to think he’s cursed,” Buck says, half-laughing.

You tug at his wrist, pulling him towards the front door. “Come on,”

“Where are we going?”

“Your car,” You stop only to pull on your shoes before pulling the door open.

“My car?” Buck laughs. “Why?”

“He can’t interrupt us there,”

[targaryenluvs]

SHADOW / EVAN BUCKLEY

PAIRINGS: Evan Buckley x Girlfriend!Reader

SUMMARY: Evan would go to great lengths to make sure his girlfriend never leaves.

WARNINGS: Stalking, baby trapping, sexual depictions, obsessive behaviour, invasion of privacy, babying, isolation

WORDCOUNT: 3.3K Words

A/N: Uhm, let’s not talk about this…

Evan was in love.

For the first time in his life he was truly, head over heels for someone. Even he himself couldn’t believe it. His friends all noticed the change in demeanour. The excessive happiness that he seemed to radiate at all time. They couldn’t find it in themselves to be anything but happy for him.

He’d had his fair share of relationships, but of course they didn’t last. Whether it was off on travels, untrustworthiness or a bad connection. They didn’t last. But with you, he knew you were the one. From the way you looked up at him, the way you smiled when he held your hand. You never judged him, dealt with his family issues as well as his own recklessness.

You were perfect, in every way. And Buck knew it. It’s why when he found out you were think about breaking up with him that he found himself spiralling.

He’d been using your phone to text Bobby, to tell him he wasn’t coming in the next day. You’d both planned to have a beach day, since the both of you had been busy lately. After texting Bobby, a text from your friend has caught his eye.

Just break up with him!

Evan could feel his heart racing, what the hell?

So he pressed on the conversation and found his worst nightmare. You’d been talking to her about how you found yourself with less time alone, almost always being dragged out to a restaurant or some other place by Buck. You felt smothered, but didn’t have the heart to tell him. If you’d told him he was being clingy he would’ve tried to dial it back. But speaking about him behind his back? To your bitch of a friend?

It wasn’t right of you. And it wasn’t right of her to encourage these thoughts. She’d met Evan before, multiple times. She always talked about how perfect the two of you were for each other. And here she was, trying to get you to leave him, your soulmate.

So he texted her, on your behalf.

I’m not breaking up with him, don’t text me. I don’t want to see you anymore.

Then he blocked her number.

“Evan?” His head rose from the pillow, looking down at you as you walked into the apartment. “Yeah babe? Everything okay?” He heard you jogging up the stairs, “Maya blocked me, I think. I tried to talk to her on Insta and she told me to screw myself. I don’t know what I did wrong.” Bucks heart hurt at the sight of you crying.

“Oh baby, you didn’t do anything. You shouldn’t be thinking about a friend who can be so rude with no explanation. C’mere.” He held his arms out for you as you settled into his arms, tears dampening his shirt. “I’ve got you, you’re okay.” He cradled your head against his chest. “I— I just don’t know what I did.”

“Shh, don’t waste your energy on her. Okay?” Your head lifted, “Okay…” He could sense your uncertainty, you’d been friends with Maya for a while, almost a year. He knew it’d be hard for you to get over it, but it was for the best. Evan knew what was best for you.

Your boyfriend was acting strangely, to say the least.

He’d been much more involved with your friends now. Always asking after them, what you guys were doing, whether or not Maya came back in touch. It felt as if you couldn’t breathe in their presence without a million texts from him.

Evan ❤️

Where are you right now?

Who’s with you?

When are you coming home?

Home. He always assumed you were coming to his place. As if you were already living together when you’d only been together for five months. Even when you brought it up to him, he’d brush his actions off.

“I mean we’re practically living together already no? What’s the point in you having your things somewhere else when you can have it here. Saves you a trip in the morning baby.” Evan murmured into your neck as you stood in the bathroom. “I… I have my own place Evan. I like having my own place. It’s not just my things that are there. It’s my place.” His arms briefly tightened around you at the sound of your protest.

“I know, but don’t you want to live with me? Be with me?” Buck retracted his face from your neck, his arms circling around your neck as your hands held on to his arms. “I do! I do want to be with you. I am with you baby.” His frown disappeared in a second, replaced with an unsettling smile. “That’s what I thought.” He kissed your cheek before walking out the door.

You stared into the mirror. What the hell does that mean? That’s what I thought? You shook your head in an attempt to collect your thoughts. Did you want to be in this relationship? Where you felt like you were being babysat? As if Buck was your parent, always asking where you were and who with. As if you couldn’t handle yourself, needing supervision.

It took you another month to realise this isn’t what you wanted in a relationship. You wanted to be equals, to rely on eachother and trust each other. The ability to go out and not give your exact location every ten minutes. To not feel as if you have an overwhelming pressure behind you, always looming. Like a shadow.

But it was a month too long. You’d given Evan even more access into your life. He’d sweet talked you into sharing your live location with you. Even your bank account was accessible to him, being able to overlook your transactions. He had keys to your apartment and even his face ID on your phone (not that you knew he had access to your phone).

You’d confided in your best friend. And she’d encouraged you the whole time. She herself hadn’t noticed Evan’s overbearing behaviour, he always handled himself properly in public. Not a single person would suspect him of being so controlling. He was to sweet for that. And even if they noticed his clinginess, they viewed it as a sweet trait.

He loves you so much he can’t breathe without you. Half of his personality had become you. His wallpaper was a photo of the two of you, his password was now your birthday. His pantry and fridge were filled with your favourite foods, even when you weren’t staying over.

It was all you. Evan finally had someone to love, to spoil and to hold with all his might. He’d be damned if someone tried to take you from him. So when he used your phone to call an Uber since you’d both walked to the restaurant, imagine his surprise and anger in finding another friend of yours against him.

Y/n: I think I’ll tell him tonight, at his place. Somewhere he feels comfortable and won’t be embarrassed.

Rebekah: Good idea, I hope he takes it well. I don’t think he means to cling in all honesty. Might just be a subconscious decision since he hasn’t had many long term relationships. Hopefully he finds someone for him.

Y/n: I know, me too. I just feel so bad, he’s had like two or three girlfriends before me and none of them worked out :(

Rebekah: I know babe, but don’t stay with him out of pity. That’s even worse for him.

Y/n: It’s not pity, I’m not still with him out of pity. I really do love him, but I can’t help feeling as if I have no space. He’s always asking for where I am, and with whom. It’s overbearing. And he seemingly can’t handle me being independent, as if I need him to do everything for me. I’m not a child.

Rebekah: You aren’t, no where near it. I get that you love him, but this isn’t healthy. You both deserve better. Some girls love a guy who cares so much. Wishing you all the best, I have a wine bottle waiting for us x

Y/n: Maybe I can wait to do it another night? I’m having a good time, reminds me why I love him :(

Rebekah: No!! If you keep going you’ll never get away.

Y/n: Pleaseeee??

Rebekah: Breakup sex isn’t a horrible idea. Might soften the blow lmao 🤣

Y/n: That’s not what I meant! I’m gonna go, and am NOT leaving to have sex.

Rebekah: Whatever you say, happy break up day xx 💋

Happy break up day? What a bitch.

If there was one aspect of your relationship that never suffered, it was in the bedroom. And Evan couldn’t help but notice when he was closing your open apps, your cycle tracking app. His thumb hovered over it, he looked around to make sure you weren’t returning from the bathroom. Only a few words stuck out for Evan.

High chance of getting pregnant.

You soaked in the ride back to Evans place. One more night with him, that’s all you were giving him. The idea of breaking up with sounded alright over text, but actually facing it? Your hands were sweating, heart racing. You didn’t want to let go, but you knew you had to.

Now or never.

Your eyes darted around Evans apartment, soaking it all up for your last time, when his hands came around your waist as he kissed your neck. “A bit eager aren’t we?” You joked as his hold tightened, “Mhm.” He grabbed you by the hips before turning you to face him, “You look amazing, and you smell so good.” You couldn’t help but blush at the compliments, Evan always knew how to make a girl blush.

“I do?” His hands cradled your face, kissing you on the forehead, “You do baby.” Evan’s hands travelled down to your butt, “Up.” He only needed one word, and so did you. He carried you up the stairs, then softly laying you down on the bed.

Evan was swift in taking your dress off, then his own outfit. “I love you.” He spoke as he thrust into you, your hands held on tightly to his hair, “Oh god Evan!” He couldn’t contain his smirk, he loved you like this. An absolute mess, all for him.

“Say it back.” His fingers dug into your hips.

“Ow! What?” Your brain was foggy, Evans words went in and out your ears.

“Say. It. Back.” His voice held no sweetness, it was purely demanding. His pace was brutal, and again it felt as if you couldn’t breathe. The pleasure was overwhelming, you felt so good. “I…” Your heart was racing again, it felt wrong to tell him you loved him.

His teeth bit down on your collarbone, “I love you!”

You shouldn’t have said it back. It was all that you could think about as his demeanour changed again, a lovesick grin on his face as he kissed you passionately. His hands felt heavy on your skin, burning into you. All you could feel was Evan. Your head was hazy as he carried you, bridal style. The water was warm, and so was he.

Evan slid in behind you in the bath, his arms were strong around you. He took his time in cleaning you off, savouring the moment. “You hungry?” He sounded so casual, as if he hadn’t literally bruised you moments before. “A little.” Your voice was quiet for some reason, you didn’t know why. “We’ll have anything you want.”

That night you spent with him was one of the weirdest of your life. You felt safe with him, more so than you felt with anyone else. But you couldn’t shake the memories of prior times. Him literally crashing a birthday party to make sure you were where you said you were. Evan dragging you back into bed when you needed to work. Him telling you to not reach for the top shelf, saying it was ‘too much for you’. Or him cutting up your food.

Everytime he looked at you, you felt conflicted.

Was this what love was? Uncertainty? Through the night you found yourself tired. Your brain was constantly filing through a million thoughts, about Evan, about yourself and your life. You loved him, but would it be wrong to stay with someone who seemingly infiltrated every aspect of your life? You didn’t know, all you knew was that the pizza was amazing and he was snuggly.

So you stayed the night. You’d fallen asleep in his arms halfway through ‘Me Before You’. You’d spent majority of the movie arguing over whether she should’ve stayed with him or left. And whether he should’ve lived to be with her. “It’s not right! He’s miserable! She should be understanding of him wanting to leave! Which she is in the end.” Evan shook his head as he tossed his slice into the box. “You’re so wrong.” You gasped.

“He should stayed for her. He knew she loved him and it was selfish of him to leave.”

“He was miserable Evan!”

“Would you leave me if I lost my ability to walk?”

Well that sentence shut you up quickly. “I—, I wouldn’t. I’d stay with you. But the movie is different, she meets him afterwards. He’s already miserable, and she makes it better, yes. But he knows he can’t give her the life she deserves. So he’s selfless in letting her go. And also, if you wanted to go, I’d support you. I’d be sad, yes, but you’re not happy. And I’d want you to be happy.”

“I’d never tell you to leave me. You’re too good to let go. Having you by my side is all I need.” You remained staring at the screen, unable to move. “Thank you.” Evan raised his eyebrows at your dismissal of his words.

“I love you Y/n.”

You turned to him with a small smile, “Love you too.” And within ten minutes, you were sleeping in his arms. Evan glanced down at you with a smile before pulling out his phone. He typed out the date of yesterday. It seemed like a date he’d need to remember. And it was lucky, in about nine months, he’d be holding a mini you in his arms.

You woke up with Evans arm draped over you, locking you in place. You slipped out slowly, grabbing a shirt and leggings of yours. You’d failed in breaking up with him, you knew you had. Last night had sucked you right back in to the storm that was Evan Buckley.

He looked at peace when he slept. Content. Maybe you could have a talk with him about boundaries. You weren’t ready to let go of him yet. And it was exactly what he was counting on, he’d wormed his way into your life. To the point where you weren’t sure what life was like without him.

Evan kept his eyes closed as you left. Letting you think you’d gotten away without him knowing. Last night was amazing in his opinion, and when you didn’t respond through out the day he surprisingly kept his cool. He had a good feeling about the night, and if he was lucky, you’d come crawling back either way.

The day had been quiet, you ran some errands, completed your laundry. And with only one text for Evan compared to the usual twenty.

Have a good day ❤️

You found yourself smiling at the text. Simple and sweet. Maybe he’d read your mind and was now reeling back? God you hoped he was adjusting his behaviour. And through the rest of the week, he didn’t show up. He didn’t randomly come to pick you up from work, or bombard you with calls and texts when you went out for drinks. You’d become so accustomed to telling him your location that he didn’t have to ask.

You called every day, barely over an hour. Just debriefing eachother about your days and gossiping. It felt as if you were both improving in your relationship. You were lowering your guard, and he was working his way in. He wasn’t being too pushy, and you weren’t being protective.

And it was a new chapter in your eyes. Since he’d stayed that way. You found yourself even happier than usual. Going out with him more willingly, especially to dinners with the 118. In two months, they saw more of Bucks girlfriend then they had in the previous 7-8 months.

And whilst you may not have noticed any changes of your own physically, Evan sure did. He felt them, your chest was heavier, and a slight bump was developing. You’d recently been an avid sushi lover when it came to eating out, and you’d been having cravings.

You’d confided in Evan about missing your period, and whilst he acted concerned, it was probably the best news he’d ever gotten. He’d come home the next day after his shift with about six different home pregnancy tests. And you’d been willing to take them.

His world stopped when each one came out positive. But first he had to gauge your reaction, the relief was unmatched when you turned to him with a smile. “We’re having a kid.” You whispered as he nodded, “A mini you, or me.” Tears fell down your face as you squealed before jumping onto him. He laughed as you buried your face into his shoulder before facing him, “You’re gonna be a daddy.” And he couldn’t help but cry himself.

You were going to be a family.

Evan was outstanding when it came to taking care of you. Anything you needed was in front of you within the hour. You’re tired? Here’s a pillow, blanket and soothing sounds to help you sleep. You’re hungry? Here’s every craving that he’s logged of yours, with delivery on the way. You’re sore? He’s got oil in his hands and eager look on his face, to which you tease him.

“Missed me that much huh?”

“You have no idea.” He whispered before kissing you.

It was a Friday dinner at Bobby and Athena’s when you announced the pregnancy to them. To which you were met with blank stares which eventually erupted into cheers and hugs.

“Oh god, Bucks having a kid before me.” Chimney shuddered as Evan slapped his bicep, “Evans going to be an amazing father.” You smiled as he grinned, “Why thank you Mrs Buckley.” He kissed you before you could react, is marriage around the corner for you?

“Well actually…” Maddie spoke out as you all turned, “Oh my god, are we pregnant at the same time?” Her small nod caused chaos to erupt amongst the home, “Two new additions to the family!” Bobby cheered. Chimneys mind was close to exploding as he hugged her.

“I’m so happy they all know.” You spoke happily as Evan sighed, “I can’t believe she’s pregnant.” You kissed his cheek before holding his hands, “Do we need to have the butterflies and bees talk?” He rolled his eyes as you pretended to pout, and he poked your cheek.

“Can’t believe we’re going to be a family. The three of us, forever.” Evan kissed the top of your head as Athena and Bobby smiled, “They’re going to be great parents.” Bobby nodded along, “Can’t believe Buck’s going to be a father. I remember his first day, and now he has a whole family.” He couldn’t help the slight tears in his eyes.

As Evan stood in the middle of the room he felt happier than ever. He had a family he loved and a family member on the way. He knew he finally had everything the could’ve ever wanted. Especially with the girl he loved in his arms, and he’d never let go.

[saveyourblood]

The Exit (Evan Buckley x Reader)

Summary: “She isn’t as good as me,” you say. It isn’t a question. It isn’t even a taunt — it’s a simple fact. The one where you and Buck were together, now you're not, and you're cycling through the five stages of grief.

Word Count: 2.2k Warnings: mild violence, toxic(ish) relationship

“There’s no way he moved on that quickly.”

Denial. 

Hen just looks at you. You take another sip of your drink. 

She successfully convinced you to go out after work for the first time in months. Unfortunately for her, that doesn’t mean you’re good company. Your only plan for the night is to get so drunk that you can get his face out of your head. 

“It’s like I always say: Men ain’t shit.”

“You literally never say that.”

“I don’t have to, because they ain’t shit,” Hen grins. 

You try to smile. God, you wish you could. You’re pretty sure that night stitched the corners of your mouth into a permanent frown. 

“I just can’t believe it,” you mutter. You signal for the bartender. 

Hen sighs. “Look, babe, there’s no way that relationship is going to last. She’s a rebound.” 

“You think he’d introduce us to his rebound?”

“The whole point of a rebound is that you don’t know it’s a rebound,” Hen explains. “Buck thinks he loves her because he still loves you, and that love doesn’t just… disappear. It has to go somewhere.”

“Why can’t I have it?” 

Hen sighs again, a sad smile on her face. 

“Maybe I was just a really shitty partner,” you cede. “Maybe if I could be better, we could be better.” 

Bargaining. 

Hen’s in the middle of a sip, but she shakes her head anyway. “No, that’s not what happened.”

“I don’t even know what happened. I think that’s the worst part. I mean, here’s this man that I think I’ve been in love with for the last three years, and the second I mention the word ‘marriage,’ he runs for the hills.”

“He’s got some personal shit to work through,” Hen says simply. “Shit that you can’t fix.” 

“But why couldn’t he let me at least help him? Isn’t that what a partner is supposed to do?” 

Hen plays with the napkin on the bar in front of her. “Buck’s never had a real partner — not until you came into his life. I think underneath the macho firefighter charade is a boy who’s just… scared of how he feels.”

“He doesn’t know how he feels,” you scoff. 

The bartender wordlessly fills the empty shot glass in front of you. You take it the second he’s done pouring it, wincing as it burns your throat. 

“Maybe that’s what he’s scared of,” Hen says softly. 

“He can’t be that scared: he has a girlfriend,” you retort bitterly. You push your empty shot glass around aimlessly before quietly adding, “I’m so tired of feeling this way.”

Depression.

You won’t be reaching Acceptance anytime soon, so for now, you cycle through the other stages of grief… except for Anger. 

You and Anger either don’t get along or get along far too well. You and Anger is either tequila and lime or tequila and a goddamn blowtorch. Anger gets you everything you want or it ruins it, and there’s no in-between. You’re not friends, not even close; Anger is your shadow, nipping on your heels, ready to strike in the right lighting. 

You look over your shoulder at the pool table. Buck and Eddie are taking turns shooting, and off to the side sits Taylor. 

You don’t get what Buck sees in her, yet you absolutely get it, and it’s an infuriating paradox. She’s a news broadcaster, but she looks like she could be a model. Where you have scars and curves, Taylor is clear and straight-edged. She flips her long red hair over one shoulder, and even under the shitty bar lamp, it shines. 

It’s the right lighting. 

You push yourself away from the counter and hop out of your seat. You march across the bar, far too steady on your feet considering how much you’ve drank. It’s as if Anger, which usually follows behind you, is propping you up and pushing you forward. 

Taylor sees you first, because of course she does. She smiles a little as her eyebrows furrow. It’s juvenile, but you kind of want to punch her in the mouth and see what her perfect little smile would look like with a fresh painting of blood over it. 

“Is everything alright?” She asks innocently. 

“Yeah, just… Buck, can I talk to you? Outside?” 

Buck, who’s lining up a shot, looks up. His mouth opens slightly before he forces it closed, his jaw clenching in the process. He quickly shoots, the cue ball bouncing off the side of the table before hitting another ball. He doesn’t even look to see if he made the shot; he stares at you the entire time. 

He stands up straight, rolling his shoulders back. “Yeah.”

Buck leads the way. If Anger wasn’t following you so closely, you’d feel Taylor’s gaze burning a hole in your back. 

It’s cold outside. Not unseasonably, considering it’s February. Hell, it’s not even actually cold; you grew up on the East Coast, so where you’re from, winter chills you to the bone. Here in LA, winter is more like a breath of fresh air from the summer's unrelenting heat. 

Buck crosses his arms over his chest. He’s from the East Coast too, so you know he isn’t cold.

“What’s up?” He asks.

You laugh. Like, actually laugh. You haven’t done it in so long that you almost forgot how it sounded, how it feels. You missed the rumble in your chest and the shaking of your shoulders. You missed laughing, and you missed laughing with him. 

Buck isn’t laughing, though. He’s just staring at you. 

“You know what? Nevermind,” you chuckle, turning on your heel. 

You take a few steps down the sidewalk before Buck calls after you. “Where are you going? You’re the one who wanted to talk!”

You stop dead in your tracks, any trace of a smile leaving your face. 

Buck shifts behind you. He’s close enough to hear but not close enough to feel. 

“Does she know?” You ask, back still turned to him. 

He shifts again. You let the silence deafen you both.

“...It hasn’t come up.”

You laugh again. It isn’t genuine this time. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

You try walking away again, but Buck grabs your arm. It feels like his fingertips are made of fire. You spin around to face him, causing him to let go. His jaw is set again. 

You grab fistfuls of his shirt, spinning him around and pushing him against the brick wall of the neighboring building. 

Anger. 

“Don’t you dare fucking touch me,” you growl. “You lost that privilege a long time ago.”

Buck keeps fucking staring at you. He raises his chin a little, but he doesn’t try to move your hands. 

“You are so full of shit, you know that?” You continue, shaking your hands a little before letting go of his shirt. 

“You’re drunk.”

He can smell it on your breath. He can’t possibly know you well enough to know you’d never say any of this sober. Because sure, you were together for three years, but you’re not together anymore. One of the reasons for that has to be that he doesn’t know a damn thing about you. 

“You’re still full of shit,” you repeat. Even you can tell that it isn’t as convincing this time. You take a step back; being this close to him is making your stomach turn. 

Buck pushes off the wall, towering over you. “How? How am I full of shit?” 

“You’re a liar,” you say, tilting your head up to stare at him. You won’t let him intimidate you. 

“A liar?” Buck challenges, getting closer to you. 

Anger. Anger. Anger. 

You put your hands on his chest and push him against the wall again. You aren’t strong enough to manhandle him — to a certain extent, he’s letting you push him around. That pisses you off even more. 

“You lied to me for three fucking years straight,” you hiss. 

“How?”

“You told me you loved me.”

Your voice wavers, and you can’t stand the sound of it. You clench your jaw and take in a breath, which you let out shakily. No fucking way are you going to let yourself cry in front of him. He doesn’t deserve your tears. 

“You told me you loved me, and when I wanted more, you ran,” you say, pausing to swallow. “You told me you loved me for three years, and not even three months later, you’re showing off your new girlfriend.”

If only for a second, you swear his vision drops to your lips. Buck goes right back to staring at you, though, and you see his jaw pop — he’s getting angry. 

Good.

“Are you ever gonna tell her?” You challenge. You lean in, the gap between you growing shorter every second.

His jaw doesn’t relax. 

A chuckle escapes you. Of course he isn’t. 

You put your hands on the wall, inches from Buck’s waist on both sides. You lean in, turning your lips to his ear. “Remember this, Evan Buckley: everywhere she touches you, I was there first.” 

Buck grabs your face with one hand, and your brain short-circuits. Your chin is tucked between his thumb and index finger, the rest of his fingers resting on your cheek and neck. He pulls you back first, then turns you around until it’s you who’s pressed against the wall. 

Then, he kisses you. His hand stays where it is while the other pins your hip in place. The kiss doesn’t feel like it used to; it’s somehow worse yet better than when you were together. There’s no trace of love in the way his tongue slides across yours or the way he takes your lip in between his teeth. Everything about this is so rough, so raw, so needy.

Eventually, Buck brakes away but keeps his forehead pressed against yours so hard you think it might leave a bruise. He huffs out a few breaths that you gratefully inhale. 

“She isn’t as good as me,” you say. It isn’t a question.  It isn’t even a taunt — it’s a simple fact. Three months ain’t got shit on three years. 

“You just had to go and fuck things up, didn’t you?” He mumbles, voice gravelly. 

He’s kissing you again. Your head is fuzzy, and you know it isn’t from the booze. He’s pressing into you, but you manage to snake a hand in between your waists to palm him. He’s half-hard, and when you make contact, he lets out a low groan into your mouth. You swallow it whole. 

His words finally register. You squeeze him, probably a little too hard. He groans again, finally moving his hand from your face to the wall behind you for leverage. 

“I fucked things up?” you challenge quietly. Your hand hovers over Buck’s crotch, and he leans closer, desperate for any connection. “You’re the one who ended things.”

“You’re the one who wanted to change things,” Buck argues. 

His head dips, and he starts to kiss your neck. You let out a small sound at the sensation, biting your bottom lip to quiet yourself. You’re still pissed at him, but you continue palming him through his pants, which earns you another groan. 

“I brought up the idea of a future, and you ran,” you say between heavy breaths. “You’re more scared of change than you are being alone. It’s pathetic.” 

Buck bites the skin above your collarbone in protest to your words. You wince; it’ll definitely leave a mark. 

The weird thing about your relationship with Buck is that it never really felt like it ended. At least, that’s how you took things. One second, you were happy, and the next, you were moving into a studio apartment that wasn’t his. There was no funeral, no eulogy, just a loss so deep that it gave you whiplash. You didn’t bury your relationship under six feet of dirt; you buried it under six feet of snow. You buried it alive. And the snow is melting. 

Buck’s hand sneaks under your waistband, and it’s as if the alcohol in your bloodstream burns off. You’re left sober, staring at a sickening reality: this is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Even though it feels so fucking right, it is so fucking wrong. 

Both of your hands find his shoulders. You push him away, not as roughly as before, not even with a lot of force. Really, all it takes for him to pull away is the change in your demeanor. 

“You have a girlfriend,” you whisper.  

You still don’t think it’s fair that he got to move on so quickly. Buck is flying down the freeway and left you at an exit miles back. He’s moving on way faster and way better than you ever could. It doesn’t feel fair. But then again, it doesn’t matter what you feel. Because there is no ‘you and Buck’ anymore: it’s Buck and Taylor, and somewhere in the backdrop, there’s you. 

Your hand finds his wrist, which you pull away slowly. You press your lips together, then let out a sigh. “You should probably get back to her.”

Acceptance.

[buckevantommy]

1? For dialogue prompts

꒰ 1 ꒱ “i can’t fucking believe this.”

"I can't fucking believe this."

"Sal.."

"Where in the hell does he get off—"

"Sal! It was my choice."

That brings his friend up short. "What?"

"I broke up with him."

The worst of it is: there's no confusion in Sal's eyes. Just horrid understanding sinking in. And not without pity. "Jesus."

Tommy scrubs a hand down his face, stubble catching on his calloused palm. He hasn't bothered shaving on his days off. Evan was always so vocal about how much he enjoyed the texture of Tommy's scruff - beneath his fingertips, against his lips, between his thighs.. His next inhale is a heady rush. "Yeah."

The couch dips where Sal settles beside him. They sit in silence for a minute, maybe two, maybe more. Tommy fiddles with the label on his beer bottle and doesn't taste it when he takes a sip, the flavors bitter on his tongue.

Sal finally breaks the uneasy quiet. "What happened?"

He ran away. He ruined the best relationship he's ever had because he got scared. "I fell for him. I let myself think—" It was stupid. Foolish. He should never have let things get as far as they did. "It doesn't matter. He doesn't want me."

"He tell you that?"

"He's not seeing things clearly right now, but he will."

"Oh my god." Sal sways forward in his periphery. His tone is accusatory, which: rude. "Is this because of Jason?"

Tommy looks away.

"Jesus, Tommy. I know you cared about him, but that guy was an asshole."

Jason was Tommy's second serious long-term relationship with a man. They dated less than a year before moving in together. Three months later they broke up because Jason wasn't ready to commit and Tommy found himself on Sal's couch for the next two months.

That's putting it nicely. The harsh truth was that the man Tommy saw himself buliding a life with got bored of their relationship. Bored of Tommy. And Evan— Buck, would've soon realised the same: that he wanted more than Tommy could give him, wanted something different, someone better, wanted to explore this newly discovered facet of his identity without hindrances.

Not that Tommy was ever going to move into the loft, even in a perfect world where things turned out better for them; Tommy has a house for fuck sake, a mid-century ranch he's spent the better part of a decade making his own. And living alone. But he'd be a liar if he said he hadn't pictured waking up to a certain someone there every morning and going to sleep together every night.

Why be apart when we can be together?

"Hey," Sal knocks a knuckle against his knee. "I'm sorry."

Tommy gives a tight nod, doesn't trust himself to open his mouth in case what comes out is something more embarassing than words.

"For what it's worth, I thought you and Buckley were good together. Hadn't see you that happy in years."

He was happy. Happiest he's ever been in a relationship - except maybe for the giddy euphoria he felt with his own first boyfriend; it was fun but it ran its course. Same with Jason. And he was Buck's first, it wouldn't last. It didn't.

He let himself ignore the inevitable for six amazing months. He doesn't regret their time together, but the ease of being with Buck had lured him into a false sense of security. Buck didn't know the real Tommy - he barely knew himself - so it became apparent that moving forward together was not an option.

Foolish Tommy's happiness always seems to spell heartache down the line. He tried to spare himself this time but it was too late, and that notable happiness that was is juxtapose to a consequential pain that is and which feels like it could last a lifetime.

"I love him," Tommy confesses suddenly, voice quietly ragged. A heated sting presses behind his eyes and he squeezes them shut. Tries to steady his breathing.

And only resists for a moment as Sal pulls him in, big hand bracing Tommy's head, tucking into his friend's shoulder as the floodgates open.

"I know, pal. I know."

doing this thing

[mnnuni]

Always, more than enough

Evan Buckley x Female reader

summary: Reader is going through somenthing at uni, but Buck's the perfect boyfriend words: 1484 warnings: smut Author's note: this is the first of my work that i ever publish, so please try and be kind. Also, english's not my first language so I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes and stuff

(Y/N) had just finished her last lesson of the day;she didn't imagine the second year could be even worse than the first, not that she didn't like her major or studying for it ... It was the ambience that she started to despise. Even if she found a solid group of friends, there was this bunch of girls that she really really couldn't stand. And it was so frustrating that at least one of them was in every lesson of her everyday schedule.

It wasn't like she argued with them or somethingbut the fact that they always had to say something about her and her life

The worst was when they spoke about Evan.He literally was the perfect boyfriend and (Y/N) couldn't tolerate their comment about their relationship.

"You sure he doesn't need a nurse? I could be his" said Sarah one time, and for this (Y/N) could blame her jealousy for her reaction because she knew Evan was an extremely attractive guy. But when Jennifer said "I really don't know why he's with you..." and then Carmen "yeah I'm sure he would want more than someone like you".

(Y/N) was sure of her relationship and in fact never really answered that type of comment...But there was that part of her she didn't have the strength to blame for being hurt about them.

How can a girl say that to another girl?

She couldn't answer that either.

(Y/N) was currently walking through theuniversity's courtyard to go to the bus station, all while recording an audio to her boyfriend about her day after he send her some texts when he woke up later in the evening after his shift.

"God I'm so fucking tired Buck, Mr Brown really has to learn how to not shout bec-" she suddenly stopped at the sign after her "no fucking way".

Her phone registered that too and when she arrived inches from Evan his phone rang for her notification.

"what the hell are you doing here?"

he was smiling.

God.

"surprise?" and then he smirked. (Y/N) nearly jumped to hug him and wrap her arms around his neck, but when they were about to kiss she reminded him "not here" and glanced around.

Evan knew she wasn't a fan of PDA and so when she would rather kiss him in private he didn't ask her too much about it. But now it was starting to feel strange she got so nervous near him at college...

"come on, you're at mine's tonight".

(Y/N) only smiled brighter and followed him to his car while she told him all about her day; and Evan listened to everything she said, every topic she defined interesting so he could bring it up later, every stop at the coffee shop she did so he would regulate her caffeine for the night and let her sleep, every essay she said she would forget so he could remind her eventually. He loved to listen to her. He loved when she rambled like that because she actually stopped his overthinking of everything when she did.

"shit! I was supposed to grab dinner at myparents's tonight" she suddenly said when they entered the car.

"already did that." He answered. She didn't know whether to be confused or impressed.

"I called your mum and told her my plan. Because I know how you hate Wednesdays and your mum cooks for you on them. After work I stopped at your parents'house and grabbed dinner -which by the way smelled delicious- and then came grab you"

Yeah... She was definitely impressed

She bent over Buck's car console and kissed him. (Y/N) was beyond grateful to have him in her life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing (Y/N) did after she took off her shoes the moment Evan closed his house door was to grab his face and pull him in a desperate kiss. He was kind of shocked at the sudden urgency of her hands on him but he couldn't really complain, it was so long since they could kiss like this because of their packed schedules.

Bucks groans in (Y/N)'s mouth and starts to fidget with her jeans untill she stepped away to get off her shirt first. Buck was so distracted from kissing her breasts that he didn't realise she stripped down her pants too. (Y/N) took his face again and licked his lips, smiling, "now strip".

She was so demanding, Evan's cock twitched just for her tone. He quickly took off his shirt while (Y/N) turned around to go in the bedroom. It was then that he smirked, finally realising how tiny her panties were.

"look at that, my super smart slut" he said smacking her ass. She let out a yelp but she was smirking too while she led him to his room. Evan just followed like a lost puppy trying to get out of his jeans on the way.

The moment he saw (Y/N) finally, completely naked he pinned her to the wall and got on his knees

"can I?"

It was such a turn on that even after years of being together and the fact that (Y/N) was ready naked and all for him, Evan still asked for her permission.

She answered putting her hand through his hair and putting his head close to her.

He was so good at licking her.

It didn't last long because Evan was entering her pussy with his tongue and then he started sucking on her clit and -

"Evan" she breathed out.

The first time she did it, Buck was shocked at how he was affected by the sound of his name from her lips. But now he got addicted to it.

(Y/N) was a moaning mess and Buck started to alternate a lick and a bite to her lips, "Baby I-I really love this but-" , another moan at the sign of Buck stopping immediatly and looking at her from his lashes.

He was so hot.

"I need you".

That was enough for Buck to grab her by the thights and put her on the bed; he crawled over her and smiled but that didn't last long because (Y/N) started to stroke his cock and he fucking whimpered.

"Sweatheart" he started moving his hips in her hand, "yes baby?", she smirked at his flushed state "ple-se". (Y/N) put his cock near her entrance and when he felt her wetness Buck completly lost it and pushed into her. They both moaned at the new contact.

Evan gave her few moments to get adjusted before he started thrust so hard she scratched his back with her nails.

"Yes! Keep going Evan"

He kissed her neck and never once thought to change the pace because he could feel (Y/N) clench around him signaling him she was close. It was only when Buck started to moan more loudly that she allowed herself to really be in the moment and come on his dick. He followed shortly after her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They stayed on the bed readjusting their breathing and cuddling for another half an hour before Buck got up and microwed them some food to eat in bed. (Y/N) couldn't even think to get up, Evan only worsened her tiredness.

The atmosphere was so confortable while they eat half covered with Evan's sheet, (Y/N) covered in one of his shirt, that she thought it was the right moment to answer the dubts that was forming in her boyfriend's mind since some weeks;

"I'm sorry", he looked up at her confused but she wasn't looking at him so he knew she needed time to actually talk.

"Do you think I'm enough for you?" at this Evan put his napkin away and got closer to her "what are you talking about baby? You're everything for me"; (Y/N) left a breth escape her lips and a light smile starts to form on them, but she got Buck worry now.

"What happened (Y/N)?" he put his hand on her thigh and followed her eyes in order to got her to look at him. She breathed in again. "Some girls at school... let's just say they think you could do better than me". Evan immediatly wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh love, you know they only say this 'cause they're jelous of you", she chuckled "yeah i know, it's stupid and I'm sorry I got you upset by avoiding you around campus but i really hate when they comment about us and it's even more stupid because I never cared for others opinion but when it comes to you I-"

Evan stopped her by kissing her.

"Thank you for finally telling what you were stressing about" another kiss "don't ever think you have to apologize, to me of all people, for your feelings" another kiss "and don't you ever, ever think you're not enough"

(Y/N) smiled at him.

"I love you". It was her that kissed him now.

"I love you too".

[lyjen]

Ask for help

Evan Buckley x Sister reader

A request by: @shauna-carsley - the request

Summary: As (y/n) and her fiancé get hit by a drunk driver, she loses the love of her life. Her family and best friend are trying to help her whenever and where they possibly can. Until she shuts them out.

Next Chapter >> | 9-1-1 masterlist

______

“I’m so glad we get to do this again. I’ve missed you.” (Y/n) spoke as she braked for the light that jumped on red. She looked at her fiancé, who was sitting in the passenger seat and was smiling at her words.

“I’ve missed you too babe. It’s been a while since we’ve had a date night.” Jay said as he put down his hand onto her upper thigh.

Jay and (y/n) have been together since high school, junior year to be exact. They’ve reached their seventh year of being together. And in these seven years, a lot has happened. From Jay deciding to join the Navy seals, to a proposal from Jay before he went on his latest mission.

Meanwhile (y/n) chose to join the fire department and become a paramedic. He serves the country, while (y/n) serves the city.

Jay had just returned from his latest mission. And since their irregular schedules, they made an arrangement to have a date night every two weeks, well.. if Jay was not on a mission.

(Y/n) was driving through the LA streets, on their way to the restaurant they had chosen. She was so excited to be with her fiancé again. It has been six months since Jay went on his mission, he was lucky that it was only for six months. Worst case scenario, he would’ve been gone for twelve months. Which actually has happened once or twice, so (Y/n) was used to being without him now and then. Of course they texted, every single day. And when he had time, they would Facetime. There were so many stories to tell..

Laughs and smiles were sounding through the car, it felt good to have him back beside her.. It felt like he had never left.

“What the fuck..” (Y/n) mumbled under her breath as she was driving, and saw a car which was driving in the opposite direction, violently swerving to the left and making a sharp turn to the right on the other lane. This guy was driving like an imbecile. As if he had gotten his driver's license free with a box of cereal.

When suddenly the car on the lane next to her bumps into the side of her car. (Y/n) tries to keep her car under control as she starts steering the wheel like a mad person. But she couldn’t keep the car steady enough.

And the car sends them crashing into a tree. Her ears were ringing, and her vision was blurry. Her head was pounding, it felt like it was about to pop off of her head. “Fuck” she mumbled as she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to get rid of the headache and the blurry vision in her eyes. She let her right hand tighten on her left shoulder, which was hurting like a bitch. That was definitely a dislocated shoulder.

“Jay?” she says as she shook his shoulder, to try and get any reaction out of him.

“Jay! Baby please wake up!” she cries, as she gives him a push, but Jay’s unconscious body doesn't seem to move. Only the push she gave him got his head flopping down to his chest.

With a trembling hand, she reached out to her phone which was on the phone holder. Her hands were shaking so much, she almost wasn’t able to unlock her phone and press the numbers to call 9-1-1.

“T-..this is firefighter (Y/n) B-..buckley, station 118.. I..- I.. c- crashed my c-..car” she stumbled through the phone. “Can you see where you are ma’am?” The woman on the phone asks. “R-..rose.. Avenue”

“Hey.. have you heard anything from (Y/n) about Jay?” Evan asks Eddie as he puts on his turnout coat and steps into his turnout pants.

Eddie was (Y/n)’s best friend and they shared everything with each other. If Eddie and (Y/n) weren’t together, they would be texting each other. It was like they were glued to one another.

“Nope, haven’t heard from her. The only thing I know is that she went picking him up at the airport this morning.” Eddie answered as he stepped into the truck and put on his headphones with Buck following close behind him.

When the truck came to a stop on scene, adrenaline was streaming through Evan’s veins. He could see the windshield was broken into a thousand, maybe a million small pieces. And the front was sandwiched for a small part, with smoke coming from the engine.

But when Evan came closer to the car, his stomach turned and filled itself with anxiety when he realised the car which crashed into the tree looked suspiciously much like his little sister's car. He bit his lower lip as he approached the car with Eddie walking next to him.

Please don’t let it be (Y/n).

Don’t let it be his baby sister, and Eddie’s best friend.

But when his eyes fell onto the license plate, Evan knew enough and stopped Eddie in his tracks. “(y/n)” Evan spoke, as he pointed at the car. Eddie frowned at the random name drop of his best friend. “What?” Eddie asks, confused as he feels Evan’s hand still pressing on his chest. “The license plate... It’s (Y/n)’s car Eddie!” Evan said as he was still trying to process what was happening right in front of his eyes.

Eddie’s eyes shot towards the license plate. But as soon as he realised Buck was right they both started sprinting towards the car. “Fuck! (Y/n)!” Eddie’s voice screamed.

Sobs came out of (y/n)’s mouth as she grabbed at her left shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey! Oh my god, (y/n)..” Evan panted as he opened the driver's door and his eyes fell on his little sister. Her body was fully covered in bruises and cuts.

Meanwhile Hen and Chimney were working on Jay, trying to get his vitals and started to get him out of the car.

“Buck” she cries out as she hears his voice talking. “Yeah I’m here sis.. Let’s get you prepared to get out of this car, okay?” He tried to remain calm. Nothing hurts more than seeing your own sibling in distress.

Eddie gets in the back of the car, he puts the neck collar around her neck and secures it. “Jay..” she cried as she could see her boyfriend carefully getting lifted out of the car on a backboard. ”Is he okay?” she asked while a colleague handed her brother a backboard. Evan looked at Eddie with a concerned look in his eyes. “Buck?” she tried to get his attention. Evan didn’t know what to say. Eddie put a hand on (y/n)’s shoulder, “Let's just focus on you right now.” and he stepped out of the backseat from the car.

When put down the backboard they were lifting onto the gurney. (y/n) pulled at Eddie’s jacket. She felt like she was a kid wanting to ask her dad something. Eddie turned around looking at his best friend lying down on the gurney. He’d rather see her standing next to the gurney, helping people.

“Put my shoulder back in.” she demanded.

“(y/n)...” Eddie sighed. She tightened her grip on his jacket, and pulled him closer to her with all of her strength she had in her right arm. A dark look washed over her face, and her lips went into a thin line. “Put it back in damn’ it!” she spoke.

Eddie looked over at Evan, who was shaking his head lightly.

He sighed once more. He wanted to tell her to wait until she was in the hospital, that doctors would pop it back in its place. But he knew trying to go against it wouldn’t help. She would have that shoulder popped back in right now, one way or another. She didn’t care how much pain she would receive.

Her breathing starts to fasten as Eddie grabs her arm with both of his hands. He slowly extended the injured arm out to the side, raising the arm gently and bending the elbow so that the palm of her hands touched the top of her head.

She squeezed her eyes at the radiating pain that shot from her shoulder through her arm. (Y/n) took a deep breath as Eddie slowly moved her hand down towards the nape of her neck.

When he moved her hand to the opposite shoulder, (y/n) could feel the shoulder pop back in its place together with a flood of pain. She screamed all of the air out of her lungs as she felt the sharp pain leading from her shoulder all the way down to her hand.

Evan closed his eyes as he heard the scream of his little sister. He could feel it entering and leaving his body. Her scream went through marrow and bone. It sounded like she was being tortured.

Eddie carefully folded her arm back down over her abdomen in a ninety degree position. He couldn’t give her a sling, not when she was lying down on the stretcher with a collar around her neck.

“Is he okay?” (y/n) asked her brother when they wheeled her into the ambulance. Evan was so focussed on his sister, that he actually forgot about him. He didn’t know the status of her boyfriend. The ambulance with Jay in it had already left while they tried to pop (y/n)’s shoulder back in. “I am sure he is fine sis..” and gave her a slight smile.

________

“Thank god” Maddie’s voice sounded through her eardrums as (y/n) opened her eyes. She rolled her head to her left, and her eyes connected with her sister standing up from a chair which was next to her bed. Maddie gave her sister's hand a soft squeeze when a tear left the corner of her eye. “Welcome back” Evan said while he laid a hand on the shoulder of his older sister, trying to give her some comfort.

“Where’s Jay?” is the first thing (Y/n) asks as she looks over at her brother and sister who are now both standing at the side of her bed.

Evan looks at Maddie, as if they could communicate by only looking at each other. A sigh left Evan’s mouth and scratched the back of his neck, which was a habit of him when he was nervous.

He couldn’t tell her. It broke his heart into a million tiny pieces only to see her like this. What would happen to her, or to himself when he would tell her the truth?

“Jay.. uhm..” he started, as he sat down on the edge of the hospital bed (y/n) was lying in. He placed his hand on her lower leg, which was covered by the blanket. “He didn’t make it.” he continued, with a trembling voice. He knew how much his sister loved her boyfriend, they were soulmates.

“W-what?” she stumbled as her eyebrows narrowed. “He died on scene (y/n).. I swear, we tried everything we could to get him back. But it was too late.” Evan tried to explain.

Her heart started pounding in her chest and the voice of her brother seemed to fade as she heard those four words. She shakes her head. “No.”

(y/n)’s breathing became more rapid by the second, it feels like she can’t take a proper breath. Tears start streaming down her cheeks. “Is this some kind of sick joke? Please.. tell me this is one of your sick jokes.” she cries as her eyes shoot at Maddie and back to Evan.

Maddie shook her head and bit her lower lip, trying to stay strong for her little sister. While Evan bit on the inside of his cheek.

(y/n) squeezed her eyes closed to try and collect herself. “It’s all my fault..”

Maddie’s free hand went up to (y/n)’s upper arm and she let it rub up and down over her arm. “No. Don’t say that.” Maddie spoke up. “I was the one driving. Of course I am the cause! I was the one who drove us into a fucking tree!” (y/n) spoke through her tears.

“No. Some drunk ass driver bumped into the side of your car and didn’t give you a choice.” Evan said as he stood up from the end of the bed.

(y/n) turned her head towards the side of the room, and just stared at it for a minute. “How did he die?” she asked softly.

When she didn’t receive an answer after a few counts, she looked at her brother. “Tell me the truth.. How did he die?” she asks again. Evan took a deep breath, there was nowhere to hide, and his little sister wanted answers. And she knew Evan had the answers to her questions.

“Internal bleedings” he answered eventually.

She didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure if she had to. (y/n) sighed, wiped the tears from underneath her eyes and put the palm of her hand against her temple. “I wish we never got in that car.” she mumbled at herself.

“(Y/n)..” her brother’s voice sounded through the room. “Don't try and talk this right Evan.” She said quietly. “You-“ Evan’s wanted to comfort her, but he gets cut off by his sister’s voice.

“Get out.” She hissed.

Evan’s eyes wandered from (y/n) to Maddie who was on his right. He knows his sister was high in her emotions at the moment. She had just lost the most important person in her life. Evan and Maddie were quiet, silently communicating with each other, not knowing whether they needed to give her space, or to stay.

“Didn’t you hear me?! Get the fuck out!” She yelled at her brother and sister, who flinched at her reaction. They didn’t say anything and left the room. As soon as (y/n) heard the door close, tears fell down. She wanted to tear down the room with her bare hands, the only problem was: her leg was in a cast. So the only thing within hand reach was the table on wheels next to the bed.

She grabbed the top of the table, and gave it a hard push. The table hit the wall as a scream sounded through the room. He was really gone. Her finance. The man she wanted to spend her life with. The love of her life, ripped out of her life just with a snap of a finger..

After one week, she got released from the hospital. Evan picked her up and drove her home, even though she screamed at him to get out, he still showed up every single day during visitor hour or when they had to bring a patient in. He understood. She was mourning. And he would let her, even if she would scream at him or fight him. He would be there for his little sister.

When (y/n) got home, every single thing was just another reminder of Jay. A reminder of the accident, of what she lost. (y/n) couldn’t even attend his funeral because she was in the hospital, another thing they took from her. She couldn’t even say goodbye.

After a few weeks, she chose to move out to another apartment, she couldn’t live in her own home. Not when everything reminded her of him. So she went apartment hunting, even while she was walking on crutches.

A moving company helped her with moving into this new apartment, they also packed for her. But in the contract it was noticed they wouldn’t unpack. By the time she moved, she didn’t have a cast anymore, and didn’t have to walk around on crutches. So (y/n) tried to unpack what she could. It was such a mess inside of her head, that she had to call reinforcements.

Evan was in the bedroom, trying to rebuild (y/n)’s bed, which the movers took apart. Meanwhile Maddie and (y/n) were in the living room, going through box after box. “This box doesn’t have a label” Maddie opens the box, a confused look spread all over (y/n)’s face. Maddie takes out a necklace which was right at the top of the box.

This was one of the boxes she didn’t want to open or see, ever again.

As soon as (y/n) realises which box Maddie was going through, she stopped and stared at the spare dog tag which was dangling through her sister's hands. She bit her lower lip and she simply continued taking out the plates out of the box. When she takes a plate out of the box, wanting to stack them on the other ones next to her on the table, the plate slips out of her hand falling to the ground into a hundred pieces.

“Fuck!” (y/n) yelled as soon as she realised what she had done. Her elbows were leaning on her thighs, as she let her face fall into her palms. She tried to remain calm as tears streamed over her cheeks, and soft sobs came out of her mouth. “Hey, it’s okay.. We can clean this up.” Maddie says as she kneeled next to her little sister, trying to comfort her by rubbing her upper arm.

“No..” she whispers, “None of this is okay!” she raised her voice. “Calm down, it was just a plate. We can replace that.” Maddie tries to calm her down. “While you’re at it, can you also replace my fiance with it?” she shot back at her sister.

“Wow, what’s going on?” Evan’s voice sounded as he walked into the room.

“And you... “ (Y/n) stood up from her chair and started walking towards him and pointing at Evan. “You told me he was fine. When you rolled me into that ambulance.” she cries, while a waterfall of tears fell over her cheeks.

“(y/n)..” Evan saw a fire in his sister's eyes which he had never seen before. “You knew he didn’t make it. And you lied to me about it.” She continued as she pushed both of her hands into his chest. Evan was confused, one second he was just putting her bed frame together and now his sister was screaming, crying and fighting him.

“That was for your own good.” Evan shot back at (y/n). “You. Should’ve told me.” She wanted to shove Evan one more time, but before she could do that Evan grabbed her wrists. “No. You know why I didn't tell you?” Evan started. “Because I can’t stand seeing you like this! Look at you. You’re a mess!” He said as he looked her over. She wriggled herself loose from his touch. He was still holding her wrists.

“How could I not be a mess?! I'm the one who killed him, Evan!” she turned her back towards him, and dragged her fingers through her hair as more tears started to roll down her face.

Evan went silent, he knew she was still mourning. It seemed like she completely forgot that the car crash was caused because of some drunk moron, and started to blame herself for trying to keep them safe. Maddie wanted to pitch in, try and calm down the conversation. But before she could say something. (Y/n) spoke up, “Get out.”

She was kicking them out again. Just like she did in the hospital room. She wasn’t facing him or Maddie. She was just looking outside of her window. “Please. Get out.”

_____

“Hey this is (y/n)…say somethi-“ Eddie groans at the voicemail which is ringing through his right eardrum. He clicks on the red button to end the conversation and tosses his phone into his duffle bag.

Why was his best friend ignoring him? He didn’t do anything wrong, did he? Every single day he checked in on (y/n), just to ask how she was doing, if he could do anything for her or maybe just listen to her ranting about how life’s unfair.

But she hasn’t replied to any of his texts for days, and she wasn’t picking up her phone either.

“Someone seems frustrated..” Evan spoke as he entered the locker room in his uniform, unbuttoning his shirt while he walked to his locker.

They were getting ready to leave. Their shift was over, Eddie could’ve been home already but instead, he’s in the locker room being concerned about his best friend.

“Your sister isn’t picking up her phone. I’ve tried calling her at least ten times today, but it goes straight to voicemail.” Eddie said, concerned while he put on his jacket. “Have you spoken to her?” Eddie asks Evan.

Evan shook his head, “I haven’t, I already asked around, no one has heard from her.” He grabs his duffle bag out of his locker and places it on the bench behind him.

When the 118 was in the neighbourhood, they went and tried to see how she was doing. But when they rang the doorbell multiple times, she didn’t answer.

“It seems like every conversation I’ve had with my sister turns into a fight. At this moment, I’m not sure if she’s really mad at me, the team or herself.” Evan shrugged off his shirt and threw it in his bag.

“I know she’s still mourning, processing her loss.. but it’s like I’m not talking to the same (y/n) anymore, you know? She needs help, but I don’t know what to do.. not when she won’t talk to me.”

Eddie nodded, it wasn’t like (y/n) to ignore her brother, or her best friend. She was always the one who couldn’t leave people on read on texts, because she would feel guilty. Eddie closes his locker “Hey, you got a spare key to her new home?”

“Yeah, why?” Evan’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Eddie. “Well.. if she won’t open the door, I don’t have to kick it in.” Eddie pressed his lips into a thin line.

(Y/n) is lying in her bed, with a hoodie on and the hood resting on her head. Her covers were over her body. She was staring into the depth of her bedroom.

With every breath she took, she could hear his voice playing in the back of her mind. The car crash scene keeps playing on loop and she doesn’t know how to turn it off.

It was like she was stuck in her own mind. As if she wasn’t alive.

“Time to get up!” Eddie says as he grabs a handful of her covers.

A groan tumbled past (y/n)’s lips, but she didn’t bother to put the covers back over her body again. She continued staring into the depth of the room.

She was wearing an oversized hoodie, and her kitchen counter was fully overloaded with empty take out boxes and dirty dishes.

Since the fight (y/n) had with Evan and Maddie, but mostly Evan. She hasn’t spoken to them in days. She didn’t continue unpacking after that, everything was just precisely as they had left. She tried to avoid the living room at all costs, if she would even make it past the bedroom door. Jay’s stuff was still in there, the box was open, just how Maddie had left it.

Eddie took place on her bed, sitting on the side. “(Y/n).. Are you okay?”

He knew it was a stupid question to ask. Of course she wasn’t okay, but he wanted to hear her voice. He wanted her to tell him, she wasn’t okay.

“We didn’t have enough time.” she said barely above a whisper.

Eddie sighed as he heard her stumble those exact words. He placed his hand on her ankle, and rubbed his thumb on her ankle. “Come on, let’s get you up.”

He stood up, grabbed both her hands and pulled her towards him. “Why are you here Eds?” she asked him.

“Well, since you decided to ignore everyone who has been messaging and calling you, I decided to take matters into my own hands.” He explained.

(Y/n) let out a cry and let herself drop into the mattress and pillow again. But Eddie pulls her up again.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” She raises her voice as she pushes Eddie's hands away from her.

“Okay fine.” Eddie starts, putting both of his hands in the air as a sign that he didn’t do anything wrong. “Push me away, like you did with the team, with your own siblings. Punch me, I don’t care. You can tell me to fuck off. But I’m staying right here, whether you want it or not.”

(Y/n) just sighs, completely annoyed with Eddie’s words. She knew he wouldn’t leave. He would stay there until he knew what was up.

“Really. Who’s it that you’re mad at right now? Are you mad at Jay for dying? Are you mad at the team because we couldn’t save him? Are you mad at Buck and Maddie because they tried to help you? Talk to me.”

Her hands were in her hair now, grabbing large pieces. It was one of her nervous habits, playing with her hair, or this.

“No it's not you that I’m mad at!” she snapped, as her hands left her scalp, she probably pulled some hair strands out.

“It’s me! Okay! It’s me who I am really mad about! I could’ve prevented all of this!” She yelled as her voice turned heavy and tears started rolling down her face against

She always cries when she’s mad, it was something she couldn’t stop.

“It was an awful, unlucky accident. Some drunk guy drove into the side of your car and you lost control over the wheel. You really think that if you steered another inch to the other side it would’ve made a difference? No. If you did that, it would’ve probably been worse.” Eddie spoke up.

(Y/n) went silent. She had nothing to say. Just for a few moments, the room which was just filled with loud voices, was now completely quiet. Eddie sat back down on the bed, while (y/n) crossed her legs.

“When you pushed us away, we let you. But we’ve given you days, weeks, even months to process this. But this is where I draw the line. I can’t handle seeing you falling into a deeper hole than you already are.” Eddie let his elbows rest on his knees.

“And don’t tell me that I don’t know how you feel. Because I do. I also lost someone I loved, and I don’t want to lose you too.” (Y/n) could tell Eddie was trying to keep himself together.

“How am I supposed to go on with my life, while a part of me died on scene with Jay?” She cries as she wipes the tears off her cheek with the sleeve of her hoodie.

Eddie pushed himself closer towards her, as he could hear her breathing starting to fasten. It almost looked like she was having a panic attack.

“Hey! Hey! I’m right here. Okay?” Eddie gently took her hand and placed it on his chest so she could feel his heartbeat.

“Breathe with me now, okay? Slow, deep breaths” (y/n) tries to copy him through her sobs.

“Good, good, you’re okay.”

“Help.. I need help Eddie.” She cries and pushes herself against Eddie, burying her face into the crook of his neck. As a wet spot was being created on his shoulder.

That was his advice. Ask for help.

[typicalopposite]

flying lesson

idea from this post

My fees are competitive. 

Tommy had said it so suave, so casual… and Buck couldn’t quite pinpoint what the feeling was that twisted through his stomach at the teasing statement. The way Tommy’s eyes squinted, the smirk that followed… It made Buck want to giggle. FUCKING GIGGLE… What the hell?! Tommy was just so cool– at least that was how he rationalized it in his head at the time. Of course Evan Buckley has better control over himself and instead of acting like an idiot, he invited Tommy out for beers. 

Of course… that idea tanked and Buck ended up acting like a bigger idiot later… but one thing led to another, which led to feelings being discovered, and some of the best months of his life– then some of the worst months of his life. In a year he had experienced happiness, heartbreak, confusion… and many other personal realizations and thoroughly hidden emotions which ultimately all led to where he’s at now, climbing into the pilot seat and buckling himself in.

Buck took a deep breath as he followed Tommy’s instructions for starting the helicopter. Flip this switch, turn that knob, push these buttons in order– no, no not that one… “S- Sorry…” Buck stutters, fixing his error and pressing the correct button, and the blades begin to rotate. 

“It’s okay,” Tommy says softly, and smiles that ever patient, always understanding smile. “Just take a breath… you got this.” Buck does. In through his nose out through his mouth, and he grabs the shifter– the cyclic Tommy has corrected a dozen times before– and bites his lip hard enough to potentially draw blood; Tommy notices. He reaches over and wraps his hand around Bucks, squeezing gently– squeezing weakly… “Loosen your grip…” he instructs, but when Buck does his hand practically begins vibrating. Tommy rubs a thumb over Buck’s knuckles. “You have to relax, baby… I need you to relax for me, okay?”

Buck sucks in a breath, using every ounce of mental willpower to still his shaky hand. He jerks his head up and down, and Tommy lets go. “I– I got this, Tommy… I got you,” Buck says, but his eyes don’t meet Tommy's, they are focused on his hand… the red stain left behind from where Tommy’s bloody hand had been. He moves his eyes to where that same bloody hand was again pressing Buck's balled up jacket into a gunshot wound. “You– You’re going to be okay…” 

<3

[bekolxeram]

Buck being Buck, of course he'll do something stupidly sweet to make sure Tommy won't spend the holidays alone. (Spoilers, he's asking everyone Tommy knows to keep him company.) Tommy being Tommy, of course he's already ordered a Christmas gift for Buck months ago. Here's what happens after Sal told Tommy a kid from the 118 tracked him down and begged him to stay in LA for the holidays instead of flying home. (Buck offered to pay for his entire family to fly to LA instead, Sal said "you're fucking crazy.") Please enjoy this tiny snippet of Bucktommy's continuing saga in my head.

"Dear Buck,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I got you these because I remember you said — "

Tommy crumples the piece of paper he’s been writing on in his hand. It didn’t sound right. It sounded too much like he got out of his way to buy his ex a thoughtful gift, nearly 2 months after he walked out of the door and tore his heart into pieces. It takes a special kind of bastard to do that, to think that he still has the right to do that. Ev… Buck is an amazing guy and a total catch anyway, he’s probably seeing someone new already, exploring his new found freedom, enjoying the joy of fully being his true self. The last thing Tommy wants is to overstep his boundaries, or worse, to throw a wrench into his gradually stabilizing life.

He picks up another paper and starts over.

"Mr. Buckley,

Thank you for your thoughtful gesture. I would like to express my gratitude by gifting you these — "

This too joins the growing pile of paper balls on Tommy’s table. It may be the worst one so far, it reads more like an official diplomatic address between two countries on opposite sides of the Pacific Ocean. Who even calls him Mr. Buckley?

Staring at the box sitting on his kitchen island, Tommy seems to run out of idea even faster.

It’s about the size of a shoebox, it currently contains something Tommy ordered months in advance that would’ve been Buck’s Christmas gift. The package is wrapped up in simple matte gray with white snowflakes pattern throughout, adorned by a classic red ribbon tied into a bow. The only thing missing is a written message from the sender attached.

With an empty mind, Tommy starts writing again. This time, he lets his heart guide his pen.

"Dear Evan,

Thank you.

I can’t believe you did that for me, even after what I did to you.

I guess that’s just who you are, always caring, always considerate, always burning yourself to illuminate others.

You have a way to people’s heart, you know? Anyone would be lucky to have you.

And boy was I lucky. You almost made me believe I deserved a life with you.

But I also know once the initial excitement has passed, you’ll start seeing me for who I really am. Trust me, you’ll end up hating me. I’ve been there before.

I wish I was brave enough to stay, but I’m not an activist, I’m not a fighter, I’m just… broken. I spent most of my life hiding in the closet that I’ve hurt more people than I can count, I’ve hurt people I loved, I’ve hurt people you loved.

When you asked me to move in with you, even after… no, especially after you’d learned my history with Abby, I knew I had to walk away. No matter how much it hurt at the time, the thought of you despising me, being abhorred by my past, revolted by my cowardice, would quite literally kill me.

Maybe I should’ve cut things short earlier, and I’m sorry for being selfish, for being greedy. Every time I got to wake up next to you, to watch your beautiful face at peace in the land of dreams, I prayed for just one more morning like this. Every time I got to stay up with you, to hold you in my arms while you were diving deep into whatever obscure topic that perked your interest, I hoped for just another night basking in your presence.

Maybe I should’ve never accepted the invite to your sister’s wedding.

Maybe I should’ve never agreed to meet you at the café that morning.

Maybe I should’ve never asked you out to begin with.

But I did. I did all of that fully knowing my heart would be broken one way or another. And it was all my fault.

I don’t know what else to say except that I’m sorry.

Maybe I’ve always known deep down how it would end before it even started, but I guess I…

I loved you anyway."

Instead of adding to the pile of scrapped ideas, Tommy abruptly stands up, taking his heartfelt confession with him, and throws it into the fireplace.

He watches on as the searing hot flame engulfs the piece of paper, rendering his soul into tiny bits of black charcoal, which slowly dissipate into nothingness.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Knock, knock, knock*

"Hey, you’re early. I haven’t finished packi… Oh." Buck says as he’s opening the door.

Surprisingly, the person standing in front of him isn’t the one he’s expecting.

"Evan Buckley?"

"Yes, I am him."

"You have a package delivery. Just sign here and you’re good to go." The mailman hands him a clip board with a confirmation form on it.

"And… done, thank you. Happy holidays." Bucks trades the signed receipt for the nicely wrapped box in the mailman’s hand.

"You too."

Buck doesn’t recall having ordered anything to be delivered lately. That’s when he notices the small envelope attached to the ribbon tied around the box. There’s a handwritten note inside, the handwriting oddly familiar. It says:

"Dear Buck,

I ordered these many months ago when you told me you were running out of space for photos on your fridge.

I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done. You don’t have to get me anything in return.

Think of it as a parting gift, one last piece from the past, before you move on to a much brighter future.

To new beginnings.

- T"

Buck closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm down his rippling emotions. He then carefully unties the ribbon to unwrap the gift box. Inside it, there’s a set of magnetic digital picture frames.

While he’s debating what to do with this thoughtful gift from his ex, whether to put it up to use or not, he hears knocking on the door once again. Only this time, the right person is standing on the other side.

"Uncle Buck!😊"

(Inspired by this song, I do recommend listening to it while (re)reading)

Everything I've written exists in the same universe and timeline btw. If you've read my ficlet set in next March, you'll know it's not that sad. Anyway I hope I'd be able to turn all my headcanon in to a long series one day. (Sorry for the long addendum, I tried putting everything in tags but Tumblr stopped showing this post in the tags)

[lengthofropes]

okay, Oookay, a WIP! (sorry prob a lot of typos, my issue) inspired by my What if Tommy never left 118 series, basically (can't help it)

Despite Bobby’s lasagna being extra delicious today (new secret ingredient?), Tommy feels like he’s chewing on grimy sole. He knew this day would come sooner or later. It’s been over a week since Sal got transferred, and of course they need a new member for their team. But.  But. What? Sal has been a pain in the ass lately (not that he’s ever been anything less, but...), and his constant arrogance and disobedience made it only a matter of Bobby’s patience to be finally kicked out of 118. And to be completely and utterly honest, Tommy got much tired with having to deal with his best friend’s shit to the point it has become harder to even call him a friend.  But. He was his first friend here, in some way, his mentor. And even if they both were under constant pressure of keeping the mark of Gerrard’s ‘best boys’, they always had each other’s back. Always.  It’s just- Strange, not to see him here, sitting across the table, making his obscene jokes with a snarky grin face. And even if Tommy knows now, it’s better to let go of everything that fuels your worst traits, it feels like it’s the Sal’s empty chair that is somewhat a stupid joke itself. Like, if Tommy could blink – and everything would get back to how it used to be, simple and familiar. Nevertheless. No matter the ball of unaddressed feels in his chest, Tommy made a promise to himself to take it as it comes and hold on to this new and better version on himself and try his best to make their new probie’s life here if not carefree, but at least tolerable. He learned his lesson good with Howie and Hen, thanks! He chews and swallows.  He’s gonna be fine, Jesus! He has other friends here too, good friends. And, finally, a captain who knows how to be one. Job is good, his mom is fine, and that girl he met near the gym yesterday agreed to go out with him, and he has a good feeling about this, like it can actually work out this time. Life is good! No need to feel all anxious and insecured again, he’s in a good place, he’s ready for anything.   “Uh, hi. I'm Evan Buckley, new recruit.”

Tommy must’ve gotten too much into his own head with eyes on his plate, he didn’t even notice that someone came near the table. He rises his eyes.  “I was told to report to Captain Nash.” That “someone” looks the right amount shy, but at the same time like he’s trying to make the nicest first impression ever with that ear to ear smile and awkward pull on a shoulder strap of his duffle bag. “You know a Captain Nash? You?” Bobby pulls out a joke, and everyone play along, efficiently hiding their smiles. Kid looks more and more confused, before Bobby takes a pity on him and invites him to the table with one of his kindest smiles.  “Take a seat, Evan.” Evan’s smile grows wider with that. “Uh, Buck. Everyone just calls me Buck.” “Well, welcome to the 118, Buck.” Well, could’ve been worse, Tommy thinks, as kid sits himself down into Sal’s chair, glancing exited at their fabulous lunch. They could’ve easily been tossed with some asshole, but this one looks civilized. At first sight, at least. Gotta see how he will handle the job, though, but as for now, Tommy makes another mental note to himself to treat this “Buck” kid no worse than Bobby.  “Uh, that’s a sauce?” Buck asks particularly no one, just hangs the question in the air, pointing at one of the bottles on the table. So, Tommy decides to become one of the first friendly faces here. “Yeah, but I’d rec the other one -“and he points at the second bottle. “This one is spicier.” Tommy's smile is easy and polite, bit twisted in a chewing process. But what happens within next 5 seconds makes that smile freeze and food stuck in his throat. “Oh yeah? Thanks! Never too much spice, - Buck grins at him and winks. “Just what I need!” He winks. And by any means, it’s near same obscene as Sal’s innuendos.  But no one seemed to notice, and Buck already redirected his efforts into putting as much food on his plate as possible. And maybe - maybe Tommy just overthinks it?? Maybe that’s just the way this guy communicates? Just a silly little playful - Wait, no! Even if so, how the hell is it appropriate?!  They are not friends. They literally just met. They are colleagues (about to become). And Tommy is not a freaking high-school girl to be winked at like this, for fuck’s sake! Buck continues to chew and talk non-stop, smiling at everyone who’s willing to talk to him; table mood is pleasant and unbothered, and no one notices how one of Tommy’s hands involuntarily makes itself into a fist under the table. He’s not angry, in fact. Just.  He doesn’t know. He cannot explain. But one thing he’s certain of, he’s sure as hell won’t be calling that brat a “Buck”.

I have no idea where it goes so god help me 🙃

[marymarvels-blog]

Did I cross the line? | 2,906 words

Evan Buckley/ Eddie Diaz

Once during their regular therapy sessions, Frank asked him.

“Do you think you’re a good person?”

His immediate answer, that startle even him, was..

“Of course no.”

In amusement, Frank just hummed and wrote something in his notebook and then immediately changing the theme. Seemed like even his psychologist was shocked because never in two years Frank changed the theme of their conversation so suddenly. Maybe that’s because they have less than 2 minutes before the end of that session, Eddie doesn’t know.

He was himself weirded by his such a fast answer.

But after thinking about it, it made sense.

He never even thought about the possibility of being somehow a good person. When Shannon left him, except from his heart hurting, he somehow felt at ease.

It’s good that she left, he will not longer be able to hurt her, she will start living a better life. Any life is better without him.

They were sitting at Buck’s apartment, at his new couch, that Eddie specifically helped him to choose. His back was pressed against Buck while his arm rested at his best friend’s leg. It was weird position, but it felt amazing.

After the gruesome shift they needed to feel each other, even if it wasn’t the most common position to be in with your best friend, who can judge them?

Eddie looked above to see Buck looking at the screen with wide eyes and then laughing shaking his head.

It took him surprisingly only 4 years, which for Eddie is not too long, (giving that he only now realised that he is in love with his best friend), that joining 118 was the best and the worst decision of his life. He knew he wanted to help people and he didn’t regret becoming a firefighter, just..

If it wasn’t 118, he wouldn’t be able to find a family..wouldn’t be able to hurt people he loves. His ugliness inside of him was contagious and he knew somehow unintentionally he would hurt them all.

If he would tell even a bit of that to Buck, that man would make his life mission to prove him otherwise. Eddie could bet he would sleep at the floor near his bed if that would help Eddie to get rid of his thoughts and not be alone. Because it’s Buck, he is always like that. Always so caring.

Each day it was even harder, because even just closing his eyes made Eddie picturing Buck’s smile, Buck’s excitement, every Buck’s little movement.

After Shannon’s death he wasn’t himself. He wasn’t even sure that he was alive. And it was Buck who made sure that Eddie was eating, that Eddie wasn’t alone, that Chris was getting his homework done and had a shoulder to cry on if he needed. It had been him who ever so often reassured Eddie that he’s safe, that he’s not going away, that he will be here as long as Eddie needed him.

At that moments Eddie more desperate than ever wanted to answer “Always. I always need you.”

But it would be selfish. It would be selfish to have Buck only to himself. He loves Buck. And how couldn’t he?

How couldn’t he be in love with Buck? Buck, who is doing everything in his power and even more to make sure everyone is alright, Buck who is helping every person he sees needing help. Buck, who’s heart Eddie’s sure is bigger than the Solar System itself.

Sometimes Eddie thinks he is dreaming. In rare moments after he joked about something or as always got Buck’s back at the argument between him and Chimney, he catches Buck’s look and for a second glimps he thinks, he think he sees adoration in his eyes. As though it was Eddie who put all the stars at the sky and not Buck who showed him the light in everything.

Eddie couldn’t believe that Buck is still has his back. Eddie is damaged Earth, which is ruining itself, and Buck is a Sun who is against all the physics laws orbiting around him, threatening to burn it each time it came close to the Earth.

Buck, who is hugging him every time they meet before their shift.

Buck who is blushing after someone praised him.

Buck who is jumping excitedly after reading some new facts about ants and desperately waits to tell them to Eddie.

Buck thinks Eddie doesn’t remember what have happened the day he was shot, but unfortunately it’s not the truth. He remembers Buck’s strong arms, his face, him trembling arms and not so covered tears in his eyes, the strain of his voice when he heard Eddie asking him if he’s okay? And how couldn’t he?

It was him who made Buck feeling like that. It was one of the first times when he hurt Buck. And, unfortunately, not the last. These thoughts, these images left Eddie having miserable nights.

If Eddie was a good man he wouldn’t be laying in that position with his best friend. He’s not sure there is some protocol for how best friends should be laying but he’s almost sure there are some unspoken rules that if your best friend has a boyfriend you should not lay in his arms full of hope while he is stroking your hair.

Every night since he found out that Buck and Tommy are dating he promised himself that he will try to be a good friend. If he can’t be a good person maybe he could try to be a good friend. He would do anything for Buck.

But he was a really selfish person. Knowing that Buck is with Tommy , knowing that Tommy is genuinely a really good boyfriend and maybe «the one» for Buck, he still selfishly layed in Buck’s arms catching his smiling gasp as he rolled his eyes when the main character found out that he has a twin.

The only one thing that відділяла його від emotional breakdown was how Buck seemed happy and calm when they were hugging. It was enough confirmation for egoistical mind of his.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen more stupid and obvious plot twist” huffed Buck.

“Funny, you just didn’t seen yet “my heart goes to frog” where the main character dies and become a frog” Eddie is snorting seeing Buck’s reaction. God how he loves this man.

Buck looked at him with horror and disbelief.

“You’re lying, you just made it up”, he wasn’t so sure of it but still couldn’t believe that this is possible.

“No, seriously if you want I can turn it on”, Eddie said starting to get up but Buck held him back with his arms laughing and shaking his head, still being in disbelief.

“Don’t, we’re so cozy I don’t want you to get up”, If Eddie wasn’t so shocked he would make an exciting squeak because it was the second confirmation and his brain like a Cheshire Cat happily accepted. Buck enjoys their physical contact as much as he loves it and it drives him crazy.

All these overwhelming feelings made him nervous which in fact made kind of nauseous. Or maybe it was the fact that not 20 minutes ago he ate the whole pizza.

But it doesn’t matter. Fuck nausea, he’s happy.

At that exact moment, he felt vibration on his left pocket.

His phone’s screen sparkled with numerous notification.

Eddie furrowed his brows and opened them.

It was Chimney. Okay? What does he need at the Fridays nighy at- he checks- 12 pm?

«BUCK IS SINGLE»

«HE BROKE UP WITH TOMMY TODAY»

«ITS YOUR CHANCE»

He was startled to say at least. Frozen for more time that he would like to acknowledge. In his defence he needed to process a lot of information while his mind was working full time at 2x speed. Why didn’t Buck tell him anything? Is he okay? Why did they break up?

Seeing that Eddie has read his messages Chimney started to sending him hundreds of question marks.

Quickly looking into Buck he wrote.

«Even if it’s true he just broke up I can’t do it right now»

Milliseconds after he send that message, he got a whole paragraph ffrom Chim.

«I don’t care, ITS YOUR FUCKING CHANCE. Tomorrow he can meet someone else but now you HAVE THE FUCKING CHANCE. Press him to the fucking wall and kiss him already, Diaz. This is an order»

Not knowing how to respond to this, he wrote.

«woah woah it’s intense even for you chimney»

«sorry I heat bet 100 dollars that you will kiss Buck today»

woah wait WOAH WHAT

«CHIMNEY ARE YOU ACTUALLY INSANE»

«sorry sorry just joking»

Eddie doubts it. And now he needs to think what to do. Because Chimney really got into his head with all his messages. There’s a tense bubble in his stomach that tells him that he shouldn’t do it. Especially right now.

But the idea of telling him that and letting it go already made him wait in anticipation that was soaked in fear.

Everyone was telling him that his feelings aren’t one sided but the thing is..he always needs to know for sure. Especially with Buck. He knows with the wrong words or actions he will ruin everything they have together.

But Eddie was always known to be main destroyer of his own happiness.

Maybe..maybe there is really hope. Today he almost felt one.

With shaking hands he turned to look into Buck. Catching his look Buck’s eyes immediately softened.

Eddie was a man of action. Everyone told him that he needs to think twice before doing something. But it didn’t work for him.

He was staying at his shell or rushing with the whole speed. There is no in between. Today he chose the second one.

He turned into their weird hug so now he was facing Buck’s face who turned one eyebrow up at his actions.

Eddie is slowly breathing out, closing his eyes and when he opens them he sincerely looks at Buck, trying to see the answer at those big ocean eyes of his.

“Please tell me if my actions are inappropriate.”

“Eddie, wha-”

He didn’t give him the time to answer.

He stood up and in two movements crossed his legs so that now he was sitting completely on the Buck’s knees straddling Buck's hips with his legs. The Buck’s hands almost instinctively rested on his waist and only then did he realize what he was doing.

Giving himself 0 zero seconds to think about it, he immediately pressed his lips on top of Buck’s. Buck let out a shocked noise that turned into a quiet moans once Eddie’s eager mouth really started to kiss him.

At that moment Eddie felt like he was gonna throw up. Buck didn’t answer to his kiss oh my god, I’m fucking disgusting-before Eddie could spiral even more, Buck immediately answered him, deepening the kiss and taking more control over the situation.

Eddie was really 100% at control every second of his life, don’t trusting anyone to help him and give up some part of that obsessive need to control. But here he was, in the warmth of Bucks body, willingly give him all the control, fully trusting the other man. This is the unknown part of himself and he wants to explore right know with Buck.

And at the end of the day he had been always powerless against Buck, so with a quiet moan he opened his mouth.

He felt a little pushing and laid his head on the back of the couch where Buck was pressing him, happily and eagerly tracing Bucks body with his free arm.

If it wasn’t enough indication for Eddie, Buck’s almost soundless moans eased his anxiety and made him more confident in his actions.

Eddie himself surprisingly was letting out loud moans, which he didn’t even noticed he made, and after realising that he was making them, he thought he would die from an embarrassed.

But watching how it affected Buck, with him moaning louder after every sound that escaped Eddie’s mouth, he stopped caring and started deepening the kiss.

Buck smelled like home made lasagna and minty shower gel and this combination felt like home. Eddie felt extremely grateful that he was one of the people that get to see this side of Buck.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, their lips were separated, but Eddie didn’t give Buck a chance to separate (but if the way Buck is leaning to him is an indication of something he’s doubting he even wanted) pushing their foreheads together.

After the fog in his mind was cleared Eddie realised that he was basically laying on the couch with his legs around Buck’s body and feeling Buck’s weight on his body pressuring him just the right amount.

Suddenly, the weight on top of him was gone. Eddie looked in confusion and wanted to whine at the sudden loss of warm, but Buck was seeming to felt his misery, so he immediately took his arms lifted him up and put him back on his laps.

“if I lay on top of you like this I'm afraid I'll crush you”, explained Buck his actions, making Eddie blush.

It wasn’t a secret for anyone that after he fucked up with Shannon’s twin, he was really struggling and with that came apathy and for the first time in his life he was struggling with eating. If it wasn’t Buck who made sure Eddie ate at least one meal a day, he wouldn’t be eating at all.

So it shouldn’t be a shock for him that during the summer he lost nearly 40ibs getting from 200 to 160. Everyone at work noticed it and he had a long conversations with Bobby about it. But even with one meal a day he still was able to perform tasks and his strength even if it was affected by his poor life choices, still was at the top.

If it wasn’t this context Eddie would be pretty embarrassed that someone made this comment, but right now he likes that Buck was able to manhandle him with ease and that comment shoot a pleasurable pain in his lower abdomen.

“I would really liked that”, confidently said Eddie, knowing for sure.

Two twinkling eyes placed their full attention on him and Buck chuckled.

“Did you love it?” he asked before he could stop himself.

The most absurd question someone could ask a person who he is in love with. Wow, please someone teach Eddie how to shut his mouth.

Startled once more, Buck just kissed the corner of his lips.

“Amazing, 10/10, would recommend”, answered Buck in a flirtatious way.

“Recommend to whom?”, asked innocently Eddie. In this game two can play.

Buck eyes widened at realising what he just said.

“No, no, only me, recommend only to myself, anyone else back off”, he answered pressing a small kisses on Eddie’s face.

Still Eddie had no idea if all of that meant as much for Buck as it meant for him.

“Should we talk about.. this?”, carefully asked Buck as if he was afraid of something.

“Maybe later? It’s so cozy and I don’t wanna go into the depth how I fell in love with you”, murmured Eddie, melting under Buck’s lips.

In seconds only he realised what he just said and it felt like someone sucked all the oxygen from his lungs.

It seemed like Eddie could seen the way the tension coursing through Buck’s muscles after his words. Before easing away.

“Are you..in love with me?”, Buck asked quietly.

Taking a long, show breath he got the courage to look at Buck, but only for a brief moment.

“I-I think you heard it. There’s no need to gloom me. I told you that I’m sorry, okay? I know it was really selfish I know and I hate myself, I hate myself so freaking much, but I-”, Eddie began to ruffle his hair anxiously.

“Hey hey, Eds, shh look at me”, he was talking in the softest, soothing way possible, as he cupped his face and gently looked at him.

“I was just startled, okay? You know when you are in love with your best friend for years and you lost all the hope only to that said friend casually kiss you and say that he is in love with you. I just need time to process everything that has happened in the last 10 minutes, to realise that this is the reality but I can reassure you that I love you too”, and then he kissed his forehead.

The whole night he was on the verge of breakdown but that last kiss nearly sent him over the edge.

“-O-okay”, he said, a little uncertain, trying not to cry .

Mesmerising by Buck’s closeness he slowly raised his arm and dipped his fingers into Buck’s curly hair

“is that okay?”

Buck delightfully hummed.

“It’s more than okay. Everything. Perfect.”

Okay, maybe being a selfish person isn’t too bad. If that selfishness made Eddie kiss Buck and confess his feelings, maybe it was worth it.

Now that he has Buck’s chin under his head and warm hands at his waist, he thinks maybe he’s not bad person.

Or maybe he is.

But that doesn’t matter.

He just hopes Buck’s lightness is contagious and he will catch it.

[diazheartsbuckley]

I have such a weak spot for this one: Soldier!Eddie/ (frustratingly annoying)war correspondent!Buck

Any updates or snippets you can share? 🥺👉👈

Hi Hippo! 🩵

I’m sorry this fic has been pushed so far back in my mind because life has been a mess lately but let me offer you a little snippet 😚

The idea is here for those of you who don’t know about it. And check out the amazing cover that @ronordmann made 📸

Ask me about my wips 💌

More under cut ✂️

As Eddie’s superior officer, Captain Nash, delivered the news of the impending arrival of the war correspondent, Evan Buckley, Eddie gritted his teeth.

“Why do I have to talk to that guy? We all know what he’s after” Eddie said, the disdain and contempt that he holds for reporters clear in his words. In his eyes, they were nothing but vultures, just picking at and digging into the worst moments of people’s lives for a few minutes of spotlight.

“My friends haven’t been dead for-…” He turned his wrist, wanting to look at the time, only to be distracted by small dried out blood splatters across the clear glass. Eddie swallowed harshly, pushing down unshed tears. This morning, he was leading a team of four soldiers. Five if he included himself. Now all that was left, were him and Mills.

He cleared his throat, shaking his head and lifted his head to look at his Captain, an understanding but stoic smile plastered across his face. “They haven’t been dead for more than eight hours. Their bodies are barely even cold yet, Cap. Why now?”

“I get your reluctance, Diaz, but Buckley’s inquires can’t wait. He’s got friends amongst the higher ups and I’m just relaying the message to you” Captain Nash explained, arms folded across his chest. “And we have to provide him with the information that he’s seeking, no matter the timing of it”

Eddie’s jaw clenched, hands curling into fists at his sides. “With all due respect, Cap, their deaths are still pretty fresh in my mind. I’m not sure that I’m the right person to talk to a reporter right now. Why not take Mills?”

Captain Nash’s mouth curled into a straight line and Eddie instantly knew what that meant. “Right, of course he’s requested to talk to her too. Isn’t there anything we can do?” Eddie could feel the grief weighing heavily on him but his stance never wavered, willing to do almost everything to get out of talking to a fucking reporter.

Having worked with Captain Nash for years, Eddie could recognize that solemn smile from a mile away. “I’m afraid not but I hear you, Eddie. And your concerns are duly noted” Bobby replied, his tone reflecting a deep understanding of Eddie’s pain. They had both lost people before but he could tell that this was taking a toll on the younger man. “But orders are orders. We need to cooperate with Buckley’s investigation, even if it’s the last thing we want to do right now”

With a heavy sigh, Eddie unclenched his fists and nodded in acceptance. He brought his hand to his chest, fingertips carefully tracing the cold metal of his St. Christopher’s medallion. It made him think of his own family and it made him think of the families of his dead friends. PFC Norwahl had done nothing but rave about how excited he was to go home on leave in two weeks and finally meet his newborn daughter, even sharing pictures with the entire team who had shared their joy with him.

The weight of duty bore down upon Eddie, mingling with the grief that clung tightly to his heart, threatening to squeeze the life out of him. In the midst in all the loss and turmoil that the ambush had caused, Eddie knew that he had no choice but to face Evan Buckley, no matter much he wished that he could delay the inevitable.

Using this as my fuck it friday/inspiration saturday ✨

I was tagged by @tizniz @diazsdimples @cal-daisies-and-briars @daffi-990 and @spotsandsocks 🌹

Tagging!! @watchyourbuck @wikiangela @jeeyuns @honestlydarkprincess @loserdiaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @wildlife4life @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @giddyupbuck @jesuisici33 @vampbuckley @athenagranted @exhuastedpigeon @elvensorceress @whosoldherout @weewootruck @puppyboybuckley @poughkeepsies @rogerzsteven @underwater-ninja-13 @actualalligator @butraura @slightlyobsessedwitheverything @evanbegins @disasterbuckdiaz 🩵🦋

[redocity]

Can I get a request with Buck and a reader with a mischievous cat who somehow keeps breaking into Bucks place so he has to keep calling the number on its tag and you (his neighbor) has to keep coming round to take the cat back? And both of you are crushing on each other hard and one day you tie a note to your cats collar asking him on a date?

FURRY FRIEND INTRUDER — E.BUCKLEY

your cat has an affinity for crashing bucks apartment. he doesn’t mind, it means he gets to speak to you again.

evan buckley x gn!reader | 1.0k | fluff | masterlist.

a/n — this is the cutest thing ever, thanks for the request, lovely 🫶

Buck had gotten used to many things in his life—chaos, fires, rescues—but the one thing he hadn’t expected to get used to was the soft sound of paws padding across his floor at the crack of dawn. Again.

He blinked awake, groggy, and looked over at the foot of his bed where the intruder sat; Your cat, Winston. The black and white ball of trouble was staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes, tail flicking back and forth. This was the third time this week.

With a groan, Buck sat up and rubbed his face. “Winston, how do you keep getting in here?” he asked, but the cat only blinked lazily and jumped down, padding toward the kitchen as if he owned the place.

Buck sighed and grabbed his phone. He’d memorized your number by now, not that he’d ever admit it.

Every time Winston showed up, Buck found himself torn between frustration and the absurd excitement of getting to see you again.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world—having an excuse to call you—but he wondered if you’d think he was incompetent at keeping his windows shut.

He shot off a quick text.

Winston's here again, I think he’s plotting something, should I be worried?

It only took a minute for your reply to pop up.

Haha, he’s got a taste for adventure

I’ll come get him, you’re sure you’re not letting him in in your sleep?

Buck chuckled, shaking his head. There was something easy about texting you. He couldn’t help the way his heart sped up at the idea of seeing you, even if it was just because of your sneaky cat.

Ten minutes later, there was a soft knock at his door. Buck opened it, finding you standing there with an amused smile and a slight flush on your cheeks. You had that look again—the one that made Buck feel like he could melt right there on the spot.

“Sorry about Winston,” you said, stepping inside. “He only ever seems to do this with you. Maybe he likes your vibe?”

Buck laughed, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorframe. “Well, if Winston’s got good taste, I can’t argue with that.”

You laughed softly, and Buck couldn’t help but grin wider. God, you were gorgeous.

He tried to play it cool, but the truth was, he was crushing on you, hard. It didn’t help that every time you came by to pick up your cat, you were always so sweet and flustered about it, and he couldn’t stop imagining what it’d be like to spend more time with you.

Outside of these bizarre cat-retrieval encounters, of course.

Buck’s heart did a funny little flip as Winston wandered over, rubbing against your leg as if he wasn’t causing all this trouble on purpose.

“Do you want some coffee before you take him back?” Buck asked, half-hoping you’d say yes.

You smiled, and for a second, he thought you might stay, but you gave a soft laugh. “Thanks, but I’ve gotta dash to work. Maybe next time?”

“Next time,” Buck repeated, feeling oddly hopeful. “I’ll hold you to that.”

You grinned and scooped up Winston, waving as you left, leaving Buck with an odd sense of longing that lingered long after you were gone.

—

It happened again the next day. And the day after that. It was almost like clockwork: Winston showing up in Buck’s apartment, and you coming to fetch him. The more it happened, the more Buck found himself looking forward to your visits, no matter how brief.

But today, something different happened.

Buck had just gotten back from a long shift when he heard the familiar sound of Winston’s paws padding across his kitchen counter, the familiar ball of fluff yawning in what almost felt like a joke on his own tiredness. He let out a small laugh, already reaching for his phone.

As Buck scratched Winston’s chin, he noticed a small piece of paper tied around his collar. Frowning, he untied it and unfolded the note.

So, since Winston keeps bringing us together, how about we make it official? Would you like to have dinner with me?

Buck stared at the note for a moment, his mind racing. Did this mean what he thought it meant? A wide grin spread across his face as he grabbed his phone, his fingers quickly typing out a message.

I think Winston’s trying to tell me something. I’d love to go to dinner with you, you free Friday night? 6?

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

Friday sounds perfect! I’ll keep Winston out of your hair until then

Buck smiles down at his phone screen. Then another message pops up.

Maybe :)

He laughed, looking down at the cat who was now purring contently under his hand. “Looks like you’re a little matchmaker, huh?” he said, scratching behind Winston’s ears.

Winston just purred louder, and Buck couldn’t help but feel a surge of excitement for Friday night. Maybe having a mischievous cat as a neighbor wasn’t so bad after all.

[lover-of-mine]

I have realized what is making my head explode when a BT post accidentally goes through my tags!!!! They are completely ignoring Buck is bi. They are acting like my aunt in the early 2000s. I may not have been fond of all the LUs but they were valid relationships. If Taylor had not fucked up who knows where that relationship would have gone. I mean clearly nowhere once Eddie was out because once Eddie broke up with him he spiraled and kissed Lucy. But they are still valid relationships and at this point in time I don't see how Tommy is better than any of them. To be honest he has the worst traits of Abby and Taylor but the screen time of Ally. So frustrating.

Well, when have people ever been normal about bisexuality? But here's the thing, every relationship Buck had so far had his own set of issues that somehow have been reduced to the way he was dating women, which is fucked in so many ways and the amount of times I have to stop myself from picking a fight because of bucktaylor it's actually hysterical to me because we're seriously at a point where I need to defend the validity of Taylor's place in Buck's life. Like, how did we get here? Because here's the thing, do I think Buck and Taylor were meant to be? No. Do I think Buck would've clung to her until he literally couldn't anymore if her actions hadn't hurt his family? Absolutely. I see Buck going as far as panic proposing to her if that particular situation hadn't happened, just to have someone. Because they had chemistry and Buck kept trying to force that to become love. Taylor was wrong for Buck for a multitude of reasons, but none of those reasons were because she's a woman and Buck is gay. And the relationship with Tommy is not gonna magically last forever just because Tommy is a man. Tommy is this weird amalgamation of all of Buck's love interests with Ali/Ana levels of screentime and he doesn't magically have a fighting chance just because he has a dick and people can't seem to see this. And I think that's crazy. Because Tommy was given to us in an episode that had the theme of not recognizing people, while actively making us think it was about someone else and then they did the Kim storyline and I want to scream because people can't see the parallels. And the more I look at it the more insane I get because he's all of Buck's love interests smashed into someone who's Eddie two steps to the left with none of the things we love about him. But somehow he's perfect because he's not a woman. The only thing Tommy has going for him is not being a woman. You turn him into one and none of the things he did would fly. Letting Buck get away with physically hurting Eddie? Leaving him in the curb? Not dressing up? Making a kink joke after someone Buck loves almost died? Picture those scenes with Lucy and tell me anyone in the fandom would be shipping them. Let alone fighting for them the way people are right now. But he's a man so he gets a pass and that's so fucking weird. Evan Buckley is bisexual but getting dicked down isn't going to magically make everything perfect. Jesus.

Also, since you mentioned Eddie coming out, something that I've been thinking about since we found out it was supposed to be Eddie, a Buck who thinks he's straight finding out Eddie has a boyfriend would shortcircuit. I legit think they could not find a way to write Buck's reaction to Eddie being queer that didn't end with him figuring his feelings out so they switched things up, so Buck would for sure would've gotten there once Eddie got there because he would've had big feelings about it and Buck is not the repressed one.

[marvelmcumania]

Okay, can we at least give Tommy Kinard a chance, like seeing how his past was please don't say that he did what Gerard said because I felt he was forced to cause we really know what type of person Gerard is a man who troubled Chimney and made disgusting comments on Hen and wasn't even respecting them he was sacred perhaps that if Gerard knew he will be also harassed and great example when he came near Buck and Tommy telling he got his wings Look at his face and when talking about daddy thing he also must have thought at least Evan Buckley has supportive dad figure that is Bobby and his own dad too who got forgiven by him whereas Gerard wasn't even like that at all and will never will

Buck is comfortable that Tommy calls him Evan he trusts him and the scene with Henren he is giving Buck his own time idk where the issue comes

Coming to Eddie I love him alright but please the jealousy factor it's annoying right now and there are a set of people who don't like that ship from the start Buck's Bi was seen from the beginning of the season And Eddie and Buck being good friends I like that Ps: I love the people who ship the three of them

And trying to harass the actor just because you didn't get your favorite ship is one of the worst things to do.

And I don't wanna mention those homophobes because they are a waste of my time.

So please give him a chance please don't try to say he is like those other exes and let us enjoy the ship and show this is not real life it's a fictional world not real life

[lonelychicago]

april's fics masterlist! 💌

unbetaed, unedited, unhinged

This is a list of all most of my published buddie fics for the 9-1-1 fandom (will be updated as needed).

I hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this) | teen and up | 4.2k words

"What did you just say?' Buck swallows thickly and reaches for the marriage certificate, passing it to Eddie. "Don’t panic but I think we might have accidentally gotten married." He lets out a breath, bracing himself for the worst case scenario. 'Don't panic', he says, which is rich coming from Buck since he feels like all he'll be able to do for the foreseeable future is panic. Eddie doesn’t react, which is kinda great and definitely something Buck can work with, but he’s also honestly a little worried Eddie went catatonic. “Married?” Eddie repeats, in a hollow voice. from the tumblt prompt: "Don’t panic but I think we might have accidentally gotten married."

i'll heal eventually (but faster if you're next to me) | teen and up | 19.2k words

School Nurse Eddie and the idiotic Gym Teacher Buck that keeps getting injured.

we are a fresh page on the desk (filling in the blanks as we go) | teen and up | 29k words

Buck's a best seller author under a pen name, Eddie is an actor auditioning for the movie adaptation of his books, and somewhere along the way, they fall in love.

made my way to a life i would choose | explicit | 34.9k words

In which Eddie transfers from his station to the Dispatch Center to be the LAFD Liaison, change is hard, staying away from Dispatcher Evan Buckley is even harder and not falling in love with the man is god-damned impossible. Eddie makes his way to a life he would choose and to a family who will choose him back.

he never thinks of me (except when i'm on TV) | mature | 18.1k words

In which Eddie finds out years later that his unrequited feelings for his high school best friend were not actually unrequited, Buck is stupidly famous now and they pine. They get there in the end, they just need to get their timing right. Inspired by the prompt: “you’re famous and just got asked if you were ever in love this should be good– WAIT WHAT."

it can't be unlearned (i've known the warmth of you) | teen and up | 4k words

Buck gets attacked by hunters on his way to Eddie's, Eddie takes care of him and some revelations come to light in the morning.

spinning faster than the plane that took you | teen and up | 9.2k words

Buck flees to the other side of the world, they're both miserable and also pining idiots in love. Somehow it all works out in the end.

the way you move is like a full on rainstorm (and I'm a house of cards) | explicit | 2.7k words

Buck and Eddie play strip poker and things get a little out of control. It's for the best, though.

trust me to take you home | teen and up | 2.2k words

"Listen," Eddie clears his throat. "Thank you for doing this. I—" "Thank me after we get out of this alive." Buck leans forward, his face just a few inches away from Eddie's, he has a conspiratorial glint in his eyes and his cheeks are flushed— Eddie should get an award for how strong he's being right now, seriously. It takes everything in him not to close the gap between them and kiss Buck right then and there. He could do it, though, with the excuse of people watching. They need to keep the charade, right? When Pepa kept setting him up on awful, horrible dates, and Buck offered to pretend they were dating— well, how could Eddie ever refuse something like that? The chance to get a taste for what he's been aching and longing for since forever, even if it'll end up with his heart more broken than it already is. It seemed like a good idea at the time, alright? Eddie's never claimed to make smart, sound decisions. or: there's a wedding in texas, a meddling tía pepa and only one bed. somehow, it all works in the end.

called my bluff (and saw through all my tells) | explicit | 2.3k words

eddie knows exactly how long buck was dead for and buck doesn't really know what to do with that information— so he does the logical and sensible thing and fucks the guy.

believe in one thing (i won't go away) | mature | 24k words

"I think— I think we should go to therapy. Together." Eddie says one night and takes Buck completely by surprise. "Therapy? Together?" "Yeah, like, couple's therapy or something. Frank told me he can recommend someone for us." "Eddie…" Buck says slowly, as if he's trying to explain the hardest math problem in the universe to a five year old. "We're not, uh— We're not a couple." "No, I know." Eddie frowns and looks down, fidgeting with the beer in between his hands. "But we're partners." He says, this time a lot lower that Buck barely hears it. "Right?" or: the one where buck is figuring out stuff after waking up from a coma, eddie misses his best friend and they go to couple's therapy.

I woke up just in time, (now I wake up by your side) | teen and up | 2.9k words

"Fine, I'm his fiancé." Eddie rolls his eyes and ignores the stares of his teammates behind his back. "It's fairly recent, we haven't had the time to finish the paperwork. Are you really not gonna let me see my fiancé?" or: Buck is in a coma, the nurses are being difficult and Eddie pretends to be engaged to Buck so they would let him see his friend. prompt: what are the ethical implications of pretending to be engaged to a comatose man?

romance is not dead (if you keep it just yours) | teen and up | 2.8k words

Buck went on a mysterious date, he's being oddly secretive about it and his family is just too meddling to let it go. (Eddie is having the time of his life.)

i've spent my whole life trying to put it into words | teen and up | 4.1k words

5 times Eddie was in a car with Buck, trying not to tell the man he loves him +1 time he says it. prompt: you're in a car with a beautiful boy and you're trying not to tell him that you love him.

I'd marry you with paper rings | general audiences | 1.7k words

In which Buck has thoughts about Valentine's day, he makes paper rings and somehow ends up proposing to his best friend. It kinda works out for him in the end.

I'm so in love that I might stop breathing | teen and up | 5.5k words

In which Eddie's parents come to visit, Buck is an idiot and as always, a family dinner goes wrong. BTHB Prompt: Allergic Reaction

my hands are shaking from holding back from you | explicit | 7.5k words

5 times Eddie sees one of Buck's thirst traps/nudes. Inspired by the prompt: whoops I accidentally found a naked/sexy selfie of you on your phone and fuck how am i supposed to function around you now?

pining and anticipation (I don't want you like a best friend) | teen and up | 3.3k words

"So teach me. Show me the Buck 1.0 moves or whatever." He grins at him and moves his hand, brushes his knuckles against Buck's forearm— ghosting over his skin. Buck gets goosebumps and pulls away, nearly falling off his stool. When he straightens, wincing, Eddie is grinning at him, delight all over his face. "Who doesn't have game now, Buckley?" or: Buck inadvertently challenges Eddie to try to hit on him by laughing at the fact that the guy has no game. It ends up being the best thing ever.

the songs i wrote as your other (are the best i´ll ever sing) | explicit | 7.4k words

“Should we take this new romantic love song to mean there’s someone new in your life?” “No.” He flashes another smile, all teeth and confidence he doesn't really feel inside. But he feels the weight of the cameras on him and the weight of Eddie's gaze against the side of his face; he needs to keep the act up. “Trust me, you don’t need to be in love to write a love song. It’s ingrained.” He glances at Eddie. or; Buck and Eddie are in a rock band together and have this friends with benefits thing going on. They try to keep things casual... except Buck keeps writing love songs about Eddie.

this is my idea of fun (playing video games) | explicit | 5.1k words ( co-written with @cowboy-buddie )

Eddie’s just trying to enjoy a day off filled with video games, but when Buck comes home, well, he has a diffrent sort of game in mind.

it's what my rotting bones will sing when the rest of me is dead | teen and up | 12.4k words

the one where a call goes wrong and leaves everyone thinking eddie was dead, buck finds about the will through a letter and comes to some other revelations in the process. and in which eddie finds his way back home and finally gets to be happy with the love of his life. BTHB Prompt: Missing and Presumed Dead

situations, circumstances, miscommunications ( i just may like some explanations ) | teen and up | 4.3k words

from the prompt: We're best friends and have been dating for over a month now but you won't kiss me so should we just break up and just be friends? But turns out you didn't know we were dating

the night i nearly lost you (really thought i'd lost you) | teen and up | 2.9k words

"Buck! Buck, baby! Stay with me, okay?" Eddie. Eddie's voice washes over him like a warmth blanket, comforting and grounding even amongst all the pain and fogginess. "Buck! Buck!" The screams calling his name pierce through Buck’s skull like a freight train. The pain pulses behind his eye and echoes down his spine until it falls into the churning waters of Buck’s stomach. Nausea rolls through him and he groans, closing his eyes. or: The woman sleep driving her car into the station goes a little faster and hits Buck... Eddie doesn't handle it well. BTHB Prompt: Ambulance Ride

I'm the one on the phone as you whisper | teen and up | 1.2k words

Buck's date cancels but he has already made the restaurant reservation, so he decides to call Hen and ask if she'd like to take Karen there. He dials the wrong number. It all works in the end.

i don't want to keep secrets just to keep you | teen and up | 5.5k words

Buck insists on keeping their relationship a secret for longer than Eddie thought they would. It causes some problems... until he finds the reason why.