#euphoria reference
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Blake doing the Cassie Howard from euphoria "Well, that makes me a villain. Then so fucking be it. I can play the fucking villain."
I really tried to make her look menacing lmao 💀
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machine vs man you mean. that mf had a bomb in it.
imagine he had wanted a snack and not a drink. imagine he used the other vending machine. and he tried to leave but couldnt and had no idea why. so he calls scully, and she sees that the door's lock had been melted. and she's like uhhh wtf.
"mulder, the lock's been melted."
"what?"
how do you reckon they wouldve found out abt the bomb? would they have? imagine mulder didnt even want a drink. imagine scully had gone to get them. dude im spiralling into something right now, i think i need to go write a plot divergent fanfiction about fight the future or something.
Man vs. machine
#the x files#x files#fight the future#mulder#scully#fanfic ideas#im always thinking about the little things in movies#(and shows ofc)#that couldve been different#like if mulder had been even a moment later in unruhe#or in irresistable#or if scully hadnt pulled the fire alarm in pusher#or if mulder had gotten grabbed by the alien in ftf#or if he had been stung by the bee#or if no one had gotten stung ;)#iykyk#or if mulder said smth abt the fucking terminal brain disease#or if mulder got to swinging on doggett#or spender#or literally anyone else that he shouldve hit#OR IF SCULLY HAD SWUNG ON DIANA#hahahahaha i need a scully fights diana fic#dianas ass woulda been on the floor#skinner: yes beat her ass maddy she fucked your bf!!#euphoria reference#uhhhh what else#TIME TO MAKE AN INCORRECT QUOTE X FILES EDITION POST
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𝕊𝕀ℕ // 🇳🇦🇹🇪 🇯🇦🇨🇴🇧🇸
No one seemed to like the cliffhanger, so here's a draft that i converted into a makeshift part 6.
Nate Jacobs + Fem!reader. Warnings : Dark. NSFW. Drugs. Contains brief explicit content.
Part 1 : Whiplash Part 2 : 9 Lives Part 3 : Blessed Part 4 : Shards Part 5 : Eighteen
You do NOT have permission to repost and/or translate any of my fics.
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Nate had never been more pissed in his life. Ever. You'd blatantly disobeyed him. Well, not technically. No technically, you hadn't been told anything, but he'd have figured you weren't so dense as to go and visit Shane motherfucking Crestin in the motherfucking ER !
Honestly. It's like you had one braincell and all it told you was to piss him off.
And fuck him. He definitely saw that in your eyes the last time.
Or was that the molly?
Probably the molly.
But whatever. The fact was, you wanted to fuck him, and he wanted to fuck you, and he had no idea why you wanted him out of your life if that was the case. Wasn't that fate? Two people want something so bad, they should end up doing it, no? Not going and visiting the reason they couldn't do it in the ER.
Yeah, he decided.
Yes. They. Should.
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He'd figured you would avoid him like the plague, anyway. So he didn't care if it reached you or not that he was helping McKay host a party. So imagine his surprise when, after about two months of no contact, you showed up at his party.
"Whoa."
You frowned. "Excuse me?'
"What happened to 'get the fuck out of my life, Nate?' What, were you just full of it?"
"Dude. If me being here bothers you that much, I'll just fucking leav-"
"Jeez, don't be a baby, short stuff.", he cooed, patting your head before slinging an arm around you. "C'mon, let's do shots."
"Hey, whoa, whoa, none of this friendliness."
He rolled his eyes, removing his hand from you. "Fine. C'mon. I missed you."
And the problem was, he did. He actually fucking missed you. Which was the weirdest thing to happen to him since... well, birth. It wasn't anything in particular, it wasn't even the fact that you were easy on the eyes.
He, like a fucking simp, just liked you being around him.
With as much trepidation as a sycophant scorned by his master, he gently, reverently, offered you a shot. "For old times' sake?"
You rolled your eyes, taking it from him. "For old times' sake? Like, the time you got me drunk at school?'
He smiled, his hand slowly back around your shoulder as he tugged you closer, kissing your temple. "We could always go back, y'know?", he murmured next to your ear. "Get high on the bleachers again."
"No."
"C'mon, we haven't hung out in two months. Ditch these fakes. I'm the fun one, anyway."
Jesus.
He took a long drag of his vape, the smoke bombarding your face. He proferred it to you and frowned when you declined. "Why not?"
"I don't vape."
"Are you one of those bitches that says 'smoke a real cigarette'?"
"No, I don't smoke at all."
He rolled his eyes. "We're going to the bleachers."
It was weird, to say the least, the air between you two back at the bleachers. You sat, looking up at the sky, the grass, anywhere but his eyes, and he sat with his head on your lap.
Silence covered the two of you until he sighed. "Can we just pick up where we left off?"
"And where was that?"
"With me almost eating you out."
You scoffed. You wouldn't have done that if you thought he was being serious. You wouldn't have done that if you were entirely sober. But you didn't and you weren't, so you scoffed. "Right. Yeah. Sure."
"I'm not joking. You're making this harder than it needs to be. There isn't any ulterior motive, this is just... boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy-"
"Debatable.", you muttered, but he ignored it.
"-Boy wants to fuck girl, girl wants to fuck boy, boy fucks girl. Why are you adding shit? Do you want drama? Is that what this is? Because we could do drama. I could do drama like you've never fucking seen before!"
In Nate speak, that meant he had a big dick and he wanted you to know.
"Look. It's just too complicated. You've- there's too much-"
"Forget it all. 'Kay? Just you and me.", he replied immediately, sitting up.
"Because you quote-unquote 'love' me."
"Exactly that." His lips found yours, and surprisingly, this time, you actually had a spine and pulled away.
"What the FUCK?"
Huffing, he rolled his eyes and stroked your cheek as he shifted and knelt down. "Can we skip the part where you scream 'what the fuck, what the fuck' and push me away and get to the part where you admit you want me? I've had a long day."
Seeing him down there did nothing to make you feel safer.
"Nate-"
"Jesus fuck, Y/N, please, just, for the love of god-", he muttered, as if you were being an inconvenience at the moment and not him, the asshat on his knees. "Would you just relax?"
"Look, Y/N. I love you.", he said, and his hands slowly slid up to the hem of your shirt, his thumb rubbing the skin right under it. "Let me show you."
"You don't love me. Stop saying that."
"Fine, then. I want you. And stop telling me you don't want me, like it's a mortal sin or something.", he warned, gripping the backs of your thighs.
Sadly, you couldn't entirely blame this on the molly this time.
It definitely contributed to the decision, but mostly to the fact that it made every single touch of his explode with a robust... flavour that you couldn't replicate even if you tried.
He smiled up at you so softly you'd think he was on his knees to propose. But no. Instead of opening up a little box, he opened the fly to your pants.
"Can you look at me, please?"
You sighed, looking down. "What?"
"You really don't look like you're against this. I'd even go so far as to say you want me, but you're too much of a pussy to admit it."
You did want him. BUT. You were against this. Because it was wrong. But you were letting him kiss up your thighs, bite at your lower abdomen.
Meaning it was the world according to Nate and it both infuriated you and turned you on.
FUCK.
Hums came from both your mouth and his, and before you knew it, your fingers felt nothing but the locks of his hair, pulling so hard there was no way he wasn't in pain. And he must have been, because gently, so seamlessly, he trailed his hand up to yours, removing it from his hair and interlocking it with his own.
But he didn't pause. His tongue continued doing... well, whatever the hell it was doing that made you want to stab the Earth for being able to produce Nate Jacobs as well as praise it for... well, being able to produce Nate Jacobs.
"You're a virgin?", he asked, breathless, raising a brow in incredulity.
You'd be lying if you said your brain even registered his question - registered anything but his tongue and lips.
"Are you a virgin?"
"Why? Don't tell me this is still a test to see if I'm easy or not-"
"It's not.", he assured, reaching up slowly, and then kissing your cheek of all fucking places. One of his hands trailed back down and into you while the other one immediately closed your mouth, though you had no idea why. It was a fucking desolate high school football field. No one was going to hear anyway.
He grinned, pressing his forehead against yours as he added another finger, curling them as he worked into you. "Shh, shh, shh.", he murmured, after probably feeling the results of you trying not to lose your shit beneath his palm.
"See? We go great together."
You screamed. But it didn't quite carry.
He frowned in confusion for a moment when you made a muffled noise and then muttered an 'ah' as he gently removed his palm from your mouth.
"That's not..."
"Hm? That's not what?"
You could have killed yourself right there, because he smirked is what he did. He smirked when you couldn't finish (and barely even start) your sentences.
"That's not even remotely..."
You were stalling. That was clear. Why? You didn't know. There was no logical reason. He was already fucking inside you, there was no point in backing out of this now.
But there was reason to hesitate.
He sighed, licking his lips and shaking his head in disappointment, brushing hair from your face. "Hey."
"What?"
"If you don't fuck me right now, I will lose my shit. I will cut myself. I will play Russian Roulette again. That work for you?"
Oh, this sick, sick, sick, SICK motherfucker.
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Why you did it? Question for the ages.
You should've said no. You should've gone home. You didn't go home, though, not even after the fact. You probably should have.
Instead, you found yourself back at Fezco's store. Not voluntarily, either, it just seemed your car was as drained as you were, and you forgot to fill it back up.
"Rue?", you called out into what you imagined to be an abyss. Her voice appeared like light at the end of a tunnel. "Hey."
"You high?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I need someone to pick me up."
"Maddy's not free?"
"I didn't check."
"Well.", she groaned, shifting around, clearly in some sort of drug-induced discomfort, "You should. I don't wanna kill you, y'know, you mean so fucking much to me."
The sarcasm in her voice was mildly hurtful, but hey. At least she cared enough not to kill you.
More than Nate had ever cared.
"Okay."
So, of course, you called Cassie. Because no fucking way were you calling Maddy to come pick you up from the store owned by the local dealer, which was suspiciously close to the party thrown by her ex.
The car ride with her was smooth and lovely and peaceful. Because she was smooth and lovely and peaceful.
"You think your car will be safe, out there, all night?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, I told Fez. He knows what to do."
"Y/N, I... I've noticed you've been off, like, the last term or so."
You did not need her therapy session right now.
"Nah, I'm fine."
"You're not.", she chuckled, nervously, shaking her head as she slowed down at the red light. "You seem on edge. I think it's cause of him."
"Him?" WHAT? How the fuck did this ditz know?
"Yeah. Like, I don't know, maybe you're in love with him, and you think it's, like... forbidden, because he's a bad influence or something, but you just kinda look... strung out. Like there's a huge secret you're keeping."
She was supposed to be clueless about what was going on around her. Isn't that the thing they say about hot blondes?
"Love? In love? With who?"
"Fezco, of course. I get it, he's a dealer, but he's also hot, and I guess, let's face it, he's quite nice for a criminal."
Oh, thank god. The dumb blonde theory stands.
"I'm not in love with Fez."
"Then why are you so... off?"
"I...", you sighed, deciding to stick to the truth as much as safely possible. "I got in with some bad people during spring break."
The look of concern on her face made you want to apologize and buy her whatever she wanted, or maybe even confess to every fucking sinful thought you'd ever had.
"What? Oh, my god, what? Like, hard drugs and shit?"
"More like guns and shit."
"Y/N, WHAT?!"
"Yeah, it was fucked up, but I'm out of it now, though, so you don't have to worry, okay, Cass? I'm peachy. I'm great, honest! Hey, it's turning amber."
She frowned, turning back to the road in front of her. "You sure?"
You'd never been more grateful for Nate throwing the lamp to your right rather than your left.
You'd never been more grateful for Nate giving you a hickey on your right rather than your left.
You nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, though."
"So. Did you... you went to his party, right? Did you see him? Did you guys talk?"
It took you a moment to figure out that she was talking about her ex.
"McKay? Yeah. Yeah."
"How is he? Did he mention me?"
"He's, um... he's doing fine, I guess. He looks like he misses you, but you know him. He probably won't tell me."
"I just... maybe we... I just want to, um... fix things."
"You should."
"You think?"
You nodded. What the fuck else could you do to distract her from the fact that if she took one look down, she'd see Nate blowing up your phone? "Yeah, you guys were great together."
You instantly cringed. Because that was what Nate had said about you and him. "See? We go great together."'
"I don't know if I want him back, or what. What do you think?"
That I just fucked Nate Jacobs. And that the molly was only half of it. That I'm going to kill myself.
"I think... I think you broke up for a reason, Cass."
She nodded, and the rest of the car ride went in pleasant silence.
Then she dropped you home.
And Rue was waiting for you.
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"You're pissing me off. What is this, blackmail?'
"Yeah. It is. I saw you two in the bleachers, and if you tell people I'm not sober, I'll let it slip that you let Nate Jacobs inside you."
Keep your calm. If you show even a tiny sign of accepting that she was right, you're dead meat. "It was a psych project. He had just finished a practice, so we sat there and finished some work."
"With tequila?"
Silence. Okay. She was not talking about tonight. She was talking about the gun-night. This was salvageable.
"Funnily enough, Y/N, according to what Lexi told me, there's been no 'psych assignment-slash-project.'"
"Rue-"
"So you've not only been lying to all of us, you've been betraying Maddy. And you've done Jules so wrong.'
"Look, you don't even know-"
"Then tell me."
So you did. You told her about the Instagram story, you told her about the Russian roulette, hell, you even told her about the dinner and the scar. What you didn't tell her about was the sex. The mind-blowing guilt-inducing sex.
"But I saw you kiss him on the bleachers."
"I was drunk, Rue. I'd have let the fucking janitor kiss me."
"Look, Y/N, those are my terms."
"You're asking me to lie to everyone about your health, your wellbeing! We're all looking out for you, Rue! Y'can't just blackmail me into not doing right by you."
"As nice as that is, the fact still stands that you fucked Nate."
FUCK!
"Rue, please-"
"He doesn't even fucking want you. He wants to get back at Maddy, and you're too fucked out to see it!"
"Rue, you're crossing the li-"
"I bet that fucking him was the only thing you've been doing this whole time. What, did you fuck him when Maddy was with him?"
Rue laughed after you slapped her and that definitely told you she was so high she couldn't even feel it. "C'mon. Grow up.", she scoffed, tucking hair behind your ear. "Girl code's not important anymore, is it? We're all eighteen - adults - now."
WHY must everyone always do that with your hair? So fucking condescendingly, too?!
"Rue, I didn't fuck Nate Jacobs."
"Then why is he blowing up your phone? Yeah, you think I didn't notice the name on your screen?"
"He blows up my phone because he's a psycho- I told you about the Russian Roulette thing and the gun and the slit wris-"
"Yeah, but you said you asked him to leave you alone and he did. Why would he break no contact? What could've happened?"
"Rue, I am not going to help you fake sobriety in front of your family- I- Rue, what is that?"
She frowned, looking down and following your line of sight. Her bag. The front zip. A needle. She looked back up, deadpan. "Fent."
"RUE! YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME T-"
"Look, Y/N, I like you, I do. There's no reason for you to worry, okay? If you could be quiet, your life will go on as it always does. No reputation loss, no guilt, no embarrassment."
"This will kill you! I can't do that to you, Rue, please!"
"But you can do Nate Jacobs?"
You were genuinely about to strangle this fucking trapper cunt.
"Think about it."
What, had she gotten lessons in blackmail from him?
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That night, you were too fucking exhausted to even question why Nate was knocking at your window. You just opened it for him. You just let him kiss you. You just let him tuck your hair behind your fucking ear.
"I have a question."
"What?"
"Did you visit Shane in the hospital?"
Okay. No way he could have found out about that. You didn't tell a single fucking soul.
"Huh?"
"I beat him up for you. 'Cause he was saying you fucked when you didn't.", he said, his voice oddly calm for a man betrayed.
"I didn't ask you to!"`
"Please.", he scoffed, clapping sarcastically. "Biggest cop-out of the century."
"I didn't!"
"He was calling you a slut, basically. As if you'd just give it up to anyone." What, like he knew you that well?
"Hundreds of people say hundreds of shit about me every fucking day! What am I, supposed to set you on them?"
"You could."
You scoffed.
"I'm being serious. You could say "'sic 'em' " and I'd beat them to a bloody pulp.", he informed, brushing hair over your ear again. "Say it. Tell me someone to beat up. I'll do it. No matter who it is."
"Nate. I didn't ask you to do any of this. I asked you to leave me alone, and you did the opposite!"
"You're acting like I showed up, fucked you, and then just left!"
He clenched his jaw, his grip on the piece of hair he just pushed behind your ear, now shifting to the rest of your hair. "No, cunt. I said 'I love you'. Or did you conveniently forget that?"
Oh. Right. THAT.
"What? You're suddenly acting like a pussy, baby, what's up with that? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't remember. Don't be a pussy. C'mon, tell me. Oh, yeah, wait a minute, you can't."
"You didn't mean that. You wanted to get what you wanted, so you-"
"You think I say shit like 'I love you' lightly? You think I throw that word around?" Yes, he did, but you didn't need to know that. He decided to deploy the trauma card.
"You've seen what my parents are like. You think I'd abuse the words 'I love you'?"
"I guess not-"
"Yeah. EXACTLY."
Ooh, you were putty in his hands and he almost got a semi because of it.
"Look, okay, fine, Nate, that- that was out of pocket, but you can't expect me to-"
"But I do. I have never lied to you. Have I? I've blackmailed you and threatened you and, fuck, yeah, I've stuck a goddamn gun down your throat, but when have I ever lied?"
"So you're saying you 'love' me and I have to just accept it."
"I'm saying I love you, and you have to just believe it.'
And god help you, you somehow did.
"Rue's blackmailing me."
He mock-gasped. "You're cheating on me, then."
You couldn't help the chuckle that left your lips. Him being so calm in the face of danger should make him look foolish in your eyes, not admirable.
And the molly excuse was being held up by string the breadth of dental floss, honestly.
"Does she use firearms as well? Did you think about me the whole time?" He was clearly trying to make you laugh, and it was working.
He kissed your forehead. "What did she blackmail you for?"
"For or about?"
"Both."
"For : keeping her relapse a secret from everyone. About : the gun-night at the bleachers."
"Okay, so the choice is clear."
"What?"
Nate Jacobs had scared you when he'd said he loved you and when he'd said he'd kill himself for you, but he'd never scared you as much as he did with what he said next.
"We just sit back and watch that bitch OD."
#NOTE : THIS IS VERY ROUGH. I WILL KEEP EDITING IT.#THIS IS MAKESHIFT. IT ISN'T OFFICIAL AND PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE READ WITH THE PREV [last] PARTS#taylor swift reference#nate euphoria#euphoria x reader#euphoria#nate jacobs x y/n#nate jacobs x you#nate jacobs#nate jacobs x reader#nate jacobs fic#nate jacobs fanfic#euphoria fic#euphoria imagine#nate jacobs imagine#euphoria x you#nate jacobs fluff#euphoria fluff#euphoria dialogue#nate jacobs blurb#nate jacobs imagines#nate jacobs oneshot#nate jacobs hc#nate jacobs drabble#nate jacobs fanfiction#euphoria smut#nate jacobs smut#nate jacobs x female reader#nate jacobs x fem!reader#nate jacobs x f!reader
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Was there ever any human food or device that impress Toby that Brody introduced to him. (Same thing for Alex and Elisa was there a scenario like that as well)
This is an interesting question!
Toby was heavenly impressed when he was introduced to "brigadeiro" by Brad. It's a brazillian sweet that it's basically a little chocolate ball that is simply delicious, everybody should try it someday.
As for Elisa, she was astonished when she tried "empada" for the first time, which is like a little snack, present in pretty much any birthday parties around here. They come in many flavours, but the one she ate when Alex introduced it to her was a chicken one!
Like mother like son, am I right?
Oh and they both had stomach ache after trying to eat the entire thing unsuccessfully
#g/t#giant/tiny#size difference#ask#g/t community#brad#toby#euphoria#alex#elisa#sorry for the gazillion brazilian food references#it's the type of food that i have the most knowledge about lol
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I need hakita to show gabriels face going through emotion when he's getting beat up thanks
#uhhh. normal voice#like. starts off angry then surprised then angrier then afraid then desperate them hes getting rocked and. you know#religious euphoria The Emotion#hes covered in his own blood and completely at the machines mercy and hes like. *oh*#uhhhh#this is not a say gex reference im just like that#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabv1el#religious ecstasy
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Tord’s number one biggest hater
#yes this is a euphoria reference#live laugh love Kendrick#eddsworld#ew patryck#eddsworld patryck#ew tord#eddsworld tord
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It's hard to explain what made me realize Hito's bigender. He's been pretty constantly defined by a desire for femininity and a detachment from his masculinity, and growing a stronger bond with both of them once he starts actually addressing his trauma. She's afraid of being a man because of the harm she's caused as a man, and she's afraid of being a woman because it's so different than everything she ever was.
But he likes being both, once he understands neither is to be feared. He likes wearing dresses and being called pretty and a girl and a mother and likes the idea of having breasts (did you know that you can in fact regrow breast tissue after a mastectomy?), and she likes her body hair and broad shoulders and low voice and being considered a gentle man. His identity is unique to him, and not all people will feel the same about their gender even if they feel these same things- some people like being feminine men, some people like being masculine women. She just likes both. She's happy to be both.
#collab rambles#collab ocs#hitoshi#a lot of this comes from my own feelings on potentially being bigender.#i'll be talking more about hito's gender expression and identity as i feel it out. but for now this just feels right#i feel this jolt of euphoria referring to her as a she. i think she was waiting for this. and i think i was too.
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Ca n
Can someone just
Can I pretty please be rid of my booba I don't want tgem-
#hhhh#im not like . dysphoric abt them or anything#im just#just when i see em in the mirror whwn im changing i go “ehhhh :/”#i would . much rather be flat thankyou#i mean theyr not that big in the first place-#but id prefer they ✨not be there at all✨#welp#time to get gender euphoria by drawing static shirtless (again)#sigh#i think i broked my gender#im like a girl in the way you call a boat a she#and a guy in the way you refer to a plant or smth like “look at him go!!!#and also neither like a neutral cryptid you meet in a liminal space at 2am#and also both cuz im the beautiful boy girl neither both and in-between you brought with you tonight#wgat the fuck#anygays#can i PLEASE have a flat chest thatwould be swagmas oka y bye#storm rambles#storm loses it#im just using tumblr like a public diary rn dont mind me✨✨
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The Picture of Gender in Gray
Some ramblings about self-image and gender
I've never really liked my profile. I don't like taking pictures of myself in general, but from the pronounced aquiline nose to the weak, soft jawline, the side view was always the one I've looked down upon least favorably.
But last night, I took some pictures of this white poet shirt, my latest sewing make, and as I was sifting through what I'd taken, I came across this one. It was a profile shot, the one view I've so long disliked, but there was something different about it. For the first time ever, I didn't dislike what I saw; in fact, I was struck by it, and after filtering the image in black and white, I understood why.
In this photo, between the shirt, the pants, the hair, and the pose, I look like myself--or, rather, I look like the self I've always wanted to be: a man historical, yet timeless, and androgynously beautiful.
I have become the gender I've so long envied. My heart is aching, and I am free.
#not feedism#me#encouraginggrowth#encouraging growth#transmasc#trans feedist#eg#gender#gender envy#gender euphoria#transgender#trans joy#trans pride#did anyone get that the title of the post is a Dorian Gray reference#i thought it was clever
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What’s this? One sided lesbian romance in MY vtm chronicle????
My OC, Vivienne Peng (Ventrue) and her (ex) girlfriend, Celeste Barnett (Brujah). Sketch based off this part in Viv’s backstory
#yes the colors are a tv girl reference#if you wanna know how horrible their relationship is#their relationship moodboard has romeo & juliet. jules and rue (euphoria). lorraine and delphine (atomic blonde)#so yeah#very unfortunate for them#vivienne is chinese american btw#oc: v peng#oc: celeste barnett#clan ventrue#clan brujah#ventrue#brujah#vtm#vtm oc#vampire the masquerade#🪐evren art#Spotify
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The cure to gender dysphoria is dressing up like Victor Frankenstein actually
#the goal was my idea of book frankenstein but it reminds me more of musical victor#i also felt like robert walton#i felt more like walton than frankenstein tbh#living out my want to be a sickly regency era boy#not actually but yk#gender dysphoria#gender euphoria#transmasc#victor is also trans because im trans sorry i dont make the rules#victor frankenstein#robert walton#frankenstein#I'll probably draw either victor or robert in this outfit#THE CURE REFERENCE????!!1!1!?1????!
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even though ive been out as trans for over 3 years (i think?) i still feel so much euphoria and happiness whenever i hear someone refer to me with my correct pronouns
#i cant really explain it well#but whenever i get called 'he' i feel so happy omg#i feel giddy maybe#i love getting called sir by random people that i hold the door to the gas station for#i love when im handing someone their change and they say 'thanks man!'#i love that my friends dont see me as a girl and whenever they refer to me they use my pronouns#i love being myself and being accepted by the people around me#trans joy#transgender#trans#trans euphoria#gender euphoria#transmasc#trans pride
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btw "i have a bomb strapped to my chest and i need credit card info to defuse it" has become a running bit amongst my siblings
#the euphoria you get when someone remixes/references a joke you originally made and everyone laughs is honestly. what life is for#or maybe i just like being reminded i'm funny KSKEKWKEKW LMAO#not ts
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Thoughts at the bar this Friday. I also started reading Pageboy, and although it sometimes hits close to home, it's giving me some good gender-affirming feelings. Elliot Page and I have a roughly 2-inch height difference.
#siggy draws#meself#i may be 5'2 but around my friends i am still 'dad'. and although being the sober one this friday was boring and isolating at times -#- it also allowed me to protect my friends and my partner. to look out for them and get them water.#to hold my partner's glasses while they moshed. to hook my friends' arms under mine and guide them away from traffic.#i had a gastroscopy in the morning so my throat and stomach were pretty sore and i couldn't sing or talk much. couldn't drink or smoke.#so i was just this sort of sweet little quiet guy and my partner and friends kept swarming me with kisses and words of affection.#''as an experiment'' i'd asked them all to refer to me as he/him for the night and they hugged me so tightly#and it didn't feel weird#my clothes are still too big. my face is still too feminine. i'm the size of a middle-schooler. but around them i'm 'dad' and 'dude'#thinking of hitting up a clothing swap because i can't afford new clothes or shoes. i'm also looking into some ftm-specific support groups#transgender#gender euphoria#genderfluid#honestly idek#trans butch maybe? i love my children (friends) but i will kill them for forever saying i'm a twink
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i should make a compilation of every reference to magnolia (1999) i happen upon
#off the top of my head it'd be two scenes plus maybe the pharmacy monologue in barry#but the scenes are in euphoria and wolf of snow hollow and they're not references as in a character is quoting the film#but visual references with a score and one shot scene paced like magnolia and sounding like magnolia#in a way that is unmistakably a reference
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funniest part of my gender tbh is that sometimes i'll be laying around and just have the thought "holy shit am i a guy right now??? wait. wait. hold on. oh my god i am."
#i have such a HARD TIME telling when i feel more girl and when i feel more guy#cause like. some days. ill just have the thought#''would i be okay with being referred to with he/him pronouns rn???''#and sometimes the answer's yes. sometimes it's ''idc''. and sometimes its ''nah i prefer being a girl''#but i can NEVER TELL until i actually give it some thought#at the same time though even when i feel like a guy#what i vibe with is super confusing.#he/him pronouns. yes. absolutely.#being referred to as brother or mr??? a LOT more rare for some reason????????#like my brain. even when i feel more like a guy.#thinks i should be referred to as like ''this is my sister HE likes the colour pink''#and its?????? huh. why is it like that#like i dont feel anything NEGATIVE from being referred to otherwise/wrongly at any point#its just the difference between feeling Nothing and feeling like. idk gender euphoria??#is that what that is????
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