#ether has trauma as always

[noa-de-cajou]

"Worst", or Ether's Heartbreak Playlist Part Two

Mort, Cassandra and Nru belong to @corneille-but-not-the-author

Content warning for some nsfw, and a bunch of slutshaming as well as a lot of talk about accidents. And Leonova, as always-

It looks like a storm passed through here. It's just as quiet. I couldn't find the strength to clean up the broken plates so now I'm bandaging my bloody foot on the bathroom floor. Leonova's words are ringing through my head.

“You’re no better than me.”

“Where did all your pretty principles go, Ether?”

“I thought so. I knew it. I knew you were just a whore. You'd really do anything to get off, huh?”

“I’m sure Khaliun will be enchanted to know about this.”

“Oh, and don't even think about running away from me, or leaving, because if you do, then I'll make sure the whole hospital knows.”

Khaliun. She's going to tell Khaliun.

And I know it's not empty threats. The first time we broke up, I had to change banks because her dad owns the one I was originally in.

I guess I had it coming. If I had just been honest from the start, this wouldn’t be happening. It's just hard to be honest when the person you did something with keeps pretending nothing ever happened.

And maybe Khaliun wouldn’t have minded, but Leonova… Leonova would have killed me.

I almost thought that she was actually going to, earlier.

I feel like smashing those plates was almost worse.

(Write it in gold

It could be retold

But the ending gets old

They say you learn to know

When it's time to go

Like a sick joke)

I look everywhere for Pluton and end up finding him trembling under the couch. My poor baby. He looks terrified. I thought I was doing him a favor by taking him in but I guess I wasn't. I carry him to my room, get into bed. The bed where I made a dumb, stupid, idiot mistake.

It had started off relatively well. We were walking home from the cinema with Leo. We had argued after the movie, I don't remember why, then we made up just as quick. But the air was thick. Electric. I knew where it was going to end up. As soon as I closed the door, she pinned me against it, and one thing led to another, the clothes on my skin became fabric on the floor, it ended on the bed. The kisses were angry, the bites were hungry, the hands grabbed my thighs and dug into my flesh and I asked for more. With Leo, it's useless to try and take the advantage. I let myself go and I take. Which isn't something I hate doing at all, on the contrary.

But my mind was elsewhere. I wasn't mad anymore. I didn't want to be mad. And the images I thought I could repress and bury far, far away just took over. And it all got mixed up.

Into something far, far worse.

Oh I could be your friend

Or I could be on my back

I could beg or I could bully

I could brace you for impact

Red eyes lightning up with desire (Purple eyes upon me, a little blurred but full of want)

Fists tearing off my shirt (Soft hands under my sweater)

The noise of teeth biting on my piercings (Glasses falling from her nose and onto the table)

The same teeth under my jaw (Kisses on my neck)

Nails grazing and digging (Fingertips everywhere on my skin)

Short hair under my sweaty palm (Long dark hair falling from her shoulders and brushing my face)

And a whisper (among scattered breaths)

“My name. Say it. I want to hear you say it when you come.”

I wasn't sure who the voice belonged to. I just knew that I wanted to do as she said. I didn't know who “she” was anymore.

Who did I want the person above me to be?

I did exactly as I was asked. I said it.

Danger crushes, pushes my buttons, forces me to agree

Danger's a slut, it's in my gut, at night it whispers to me

""You fucking liar, your desire, baby bunny, come clean""

""You want me bad, you want me back, but you don't know what that means"”

It took me a while to get back to reality. But when I did, I nearly jumped.

Leonova's eyes were ice cold.

“Mort, huh?”

Couldn't have done a worse thing if I tried.

I could be a purity to ruin

Corrupt for you to restore

I could be anything anything anything

But yours

The wrong name.

All it took was the wrong fucking name. I barely had the time to get dressed before she started to yell. I didn’t want to lie, so I just blurted out everything. And now, here I am. Lying in bed, alone, everything ruined because of a single word.

Called in sick to work. I can't sleep but I close my eyes anyways. The functional one is burning. Wet with tears. Pluton meows sadly and curls up on my pillow. My sobs are louder than the purring.

It's 9am when my phone rings. Khaliun. Fuck. I pick up.

“Hi,” I say, my voice hoarse.

“Hey,” she says, her voice far away. “Leo came to my place. Said a bunch of stuff. About you…”

I listen to the rest of the words but I already know what's coming. I see the cliff collapsing and I'm standing right on it.

I wait for her to finish talking, then I whisper,

“It's true.”

On the other side of the line, there’s only silence.

I expected shouting, crying, something. Anything.

“... I’m gonna need some time to myself to think, Ether. Alone. Catch you later.”

Anything but this defeated, hollow voice.

This is so, so much worse.

Someday, someday

When I burst into flames

I'll leave you the dust, my love

Hope a bit of it'll be enough to help remember the

Days when we came to this place

I told you I'd spill my guts, I left you to clean it up

I'm burstin' out of the–

My phone dings. 7:15am. I haven't slept but I haven't moved from bed for hours. I kicked Pluton out some time ago because he kept chewing on my pillow. I hold out my hand, it feels like it's made of lead.

A text from Mort.

“Are you okay?”

Oh. Right. I haven’t been to work yesterday. I guess I worried her.

“I’m fine”

The reply is short. I don't have the energy for more. Let's just hope she won't dig too much into it.

Another ding.

“I'm in your building’s lobby. I just got out of guard duty. Will you allow me to come up?”

I freeze. What do you mean she's downstairs? Freshly out of guard? Shit. Shit…

I can't hide this from her, can I?

I guess I can’t run away from this one. And…

And I feel so alone.

“Door’s open. If you wanna”

There. I put down my phone again.

Soon enough there's a knock at the door. I sit up on the bed, clear my throat.

“You can come in…”

My voice sounds terrible. She’s gonna be furious. Well. I had it coming.

I guess it could be worse.

Dancing slowly in an empty room

Can the lonely take the place of you?

I sing myself a quiet lullaby

Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again

I open the door to the living room. My foot hurts when I put it down. Mort's here. Holding Pluton. Looking straight at the broken plate on the floor.

“Hey… Careful, you’ll hurt yourself.”

My voice is foreign. Every time I speak a word, it feels like I’m wasting air. It’s worse when I breathe.

Mort turns around, her eyes fall upon me. She doesn't say anything. But I know she sees everything. My messy, dirty hair. My swollen eye. My worn-out clothes. My bandaged foot. She looks so exhausted too. And yet all she asks is if I have something to clean up the debris.

Why isn't she commenting on how I look? Of how much of a fuck-up I am?

Hah. Who am I kidding. She already knows that. She’s the one who found me in that morgue and I'm the one who behaved like a desperate slut. She knows I'm a mess. She just pretends not to.

I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most

I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

“Leo… Leo knows. About us. About what happened in the morgue.”

Mort turns around.

I can't look at her. I can't do anything but apologize. She must be disappointed. She must be furious.

“Ether. Can you come closer, please ?”

I obey. She might hit me. Throw another plate at me. I’d deserve it. After everything I put her through, I wouldn’t blame her. I've been awful. If it makes her feel better, I’d let her do anything, I’d-

She wraps her arms around me. Holds me tight. When the confusion passes, I realize that she’s shaking. She’s not mad. She’s scared. She has so much more to lose than I do. Her job. Her income. Her reputation. Everything. She’s trying to comfort me but she's holding onto me more than she’s actually holding me. So I hug her back. Softly. I let a few tears escape.

I need to be strong. To be here for her. Even if I may be the worst thing that ever happened to her.

Too afraid to go inside

For the pain of one more loveless night

But the loneliness will stay with me

And hold me 'til I fall asleep

We sit on the couch discussing what to do. There’s not much we can do, to be honest. I can only wait for Khaliun to get back to me, and Leo…

Mort tells me it's an agression. What happened. But I asked for it, didn’t I? I deserved it. For what I did. And yet…

And yet I still don't regret what happened that day. Not in the slightest. I’m happy Mort was the one to come looking for me. And I don't wanna lose her too.

When I say that, I can see her tense up even more. Trying to hold it together. Trying so hard to fix everything.

But she's not the one who broke that plate. Why should she cut herself on the pieces? It’s my responsibility. Not hers. I should be helping. She's the one getting dragged into this mess because of me, because of us.

And when I tell her there's no better moment to let go, to finally show how she really feels, I can see the mask break. I can see the pieces fall. The way her face deforms under the tears that she finally lets out of her eyes. It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart to see her like this because I know I did this.

Yet I hold her. I hold her in my arms and cradle her and say that I'll find a way, that everything will be okay, that we will be okay.

I barely believe my own words.

Broken pieces of

A barely breathing story

Where there once was love

Now there's only me

And the lonely

I blast AC/DC in Mort’s car on the way back to the hospital. She lowers the volume. We joke around a little. Like everything’s normal, somehow. Like she hasn't been crying in my arms and eating my omelette that tasted like tears on my couch. Like I'm not dressed up with my worst clothes. Like we're not sitting right on our mistakes. Our one-hour mistake in the morgue. The greatest mistake I've ever made. The worst blessing I could ever receive.

I'm on the highway to hell

Highway to hell

I'm on the highway to hell

Highway to hell

Don't stop me

Damn right we’re on the highway to hell. But when I look at Mort, at her puffy and tired eyes, I think that the devil has some twisted sense of humor to bring her down with me. When my jokes make her smile, I feel like it pushes the fire a little further away from us. Away from this car. But fire catches and it's going to reach us once we stop.

And eventually, we have to stop.

Mort parks the car. We stay silent. She avoids my gaze. I’m scared. Some dumb part of me thinks about reaching out to hold her hand, but I know it’s a bad idea. Is it for my own comfort or for hers? I don’t know anymore. The closer we get to Salem’s office, the more knots I get in my stomach. When we get there, she asks me to leave. I obey.

Mort still won’t look at me, even as I leave and close the door.

It’s fine. That's normal. They need me in the unit. But I want her to need me a little too. It’s so fucking dumb. Selfish to bout. This isn't just about your little ego, Ether.

A voice rings painfully in the back of my head. It sounds like Leonova's.

“You’re the worst.”

My face is full of spiderwebs, all tender, yellow, blue

And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you

I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can't take 'em too

Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can't take it through

I go back to work. Talk with some patients who just had an abortion. Some of them need to talk about contraception, so that it doesn’t happen again in the future. Some need to eat, or cry a little, say that it wasn't the right time yet but that they wanted it, they wanted it so much. I listen to them, I say kind words, I'm back into my area of expertise. They need a doctor. They need someone professional. That I can be, despite everything.

When I'm done, I go get some coffee. The lack of sleep is really catching up to me, but it’s barely 4pm, can’t go dozing off now.

Then Salem comes back, jaw clenched, face pale. Never saw her like that. Did the talk with Mort go wrong?

“Welcome back. You okay?”

She stops right on front of me, inhales sharply.

“Ether. Mort’s in the ER. She got into a car accident.”

…

Mort. In an accident.

(It was an accident)

Mort in the ER.

(Coma for three days)

Mort. Hurt. Injured. Maybe badly.

(I’m sorry, the boy –)

Salem’s words barely reach my ears.

“She probably fell asleep on the drive back. I should have brought her home, I knew she was exhausted.”

Exhausted.

Exhausted because I worsened every situation she was in. Exhausted because I couldn't repress the thoughts in front of Leonova. Exhausted because I dragged her into my problems.

Exhausted because of me.

(Because you couldn't hold yourself back)

This is all because of me.

(You never change, do you?)

Because of me because of me because of me because of me

(It’s your fault)

Things always get worse when I'm around always always always

(You shouldn't have survived.)

My

Left Arm

Hurts

There's a dry thump and a splash when my goblet drops to the floor.

Then everything goes dark.

Black hole opened in the kitchen

Every clock's a different time

It would only take the energy to fix it

I don't know why I am

The way I am

It's dark. It's cold.

I can't breathe. My words only come out in silent bubbles. My arm hurts.

I try to swim back to the surface but something’s weighing me down. Something pulls me deeper into the Abyss. Someone holding my left hand barely hanging onto itself.

I turn my head. It’s him. But it's not just him. It’s also Dal. Leonova. All with the same accusatory stare.

Don’t. Don’t look at me like that. I know. I know that everyone would be happier if I had been the one to die. But I wasn't.

And now I want to go up to the light but you won’t let me.

Their faces all mix into one. Purple hair, piercings, freckles, a fake eye. Soon-to-be seventeen year-old Ether, looking into my eyes with so much anger and so much fear.

I know. I know. I don’t want to die either. I’m sorry I can’t help you swim back up.

All I can do is hold you to ease the pain.

I am drowning

There is no sign of land

You are coming down with me

Hand in unlovable hand

And I hope you die

I hope we both die

But there’s hands. Reaching out through the water surface. Grabbing me. Pulling me (us) out into the sunlight. Faces, smiling, worried. The light blinds me, their faces are blurry, but I can hear their voices. Some sound like my parents. Or my sister. Another sounds like Doctor Claro. Like Salem.

Like Khaliun or Mort.

I can’t say anything. Everything hurts. My face is wet with cold water and hot tears.

But I breathe. And breathe. And breathe.

The worst thing is that I think I'm smiling.

I'm not ready to face it

Don't go saying goodbye

There's a beauty in changes

And I wanna try

“Ether. Ether, can you hear me?”

My eyes shoot open. Salem’s face hovers over me, a worried expression twisting the corners of her mouth. I'm laying down on my side on what I think is the guard room bed. Salem sighs deeply.

“Thank god. You really scared me there.”

“What…happened…?” I try to ask, weakly.

“You collapsed in the hallway, that's what happened. I think you lost consciousness for a few minutes.”

Oh. Only a few minutes?

“That’s it. Both you and Mort need a break from all this. You’re getting the week off.”

“But… Leo… She’ll come to my flat…”

“I’m taking you to my house. There’s more than enough room and I'm not taking no for an answer. Understood?”

I nod. Too tired to protest. The worst is that I don't really want to.

And there's nothing I can do

Not much I can change

So, I give it up to you

I hope that's okay

There's nothing I can do

Not much I can change

I give it up to you, I surrender

I wake up in the evening in an unknown bed, Pluton curled up at my feet, my bag on the floor. A ceiling with an old, kitsch lampshade hanging greets me. Salem’s house really feels like a grandma’s. I’m grateful she drove me home first to get my stuff and my cat.

I've been having nightmares. I don’t feel too rested, but I get up. I need to get busy.

Shower taken, clothes changed, I walk into the living-room. Salem’s there.

But not alone. There’s three cups of tea on the coffee table.

Cassandra and Nru are sitting on the couch. They both look awful. Cassandra’s eyebags are eating up her face and she stares blankly at her drink while Nru seems like she has stopped crying only a few minutes ago. They raise their heads to look at me and there's a sudden pang of guilt in my chest.

“G-Good evening,” Nru sniffles.

“Hi, Ether,” Cassandra mutters in echo.

Fuck. Their voices sound so tired. Can't blame them. Their mother’s in the hospital, and…

(You should have been in that car)

…

I’m sorry, it should have been me

I’m sorry, it should have been me

“Hi, girls. I’m… really sorry.”

They both stare at me in confusion. Right. Of course. They wouldn't know what caused that accident.

Salem clears her throat.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. I’m just… going back to work. Need to keep busy.”

She frowns.

“Ether, it’s nine in the evening, what did I tell you about resting–”

“If I don’t go, who will stay with Mort?”

I blurted out the words. Salem’s eyes widen in surprise as I keep going.

“I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up.”

(Like I woke up alone and confused and scared and cold)

“Please. I’ll promise I'll go rest afterwards, just let me do this. I beg you.”

She looks at me pensively for a while, then sighs.

“Well. Do as you like. It’s not like I can stop you. But if you overwork yourself again, then you’ll hear about it. Are we clear?”

“We are,” I reply as I get my coat on.

“Hey… Miss Ether?”

I turn around to look at Nru.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Her smile is faint, but genuine. I smile too. Hoping that it doesn't show how much I wanna cry.

“You're welcome. I’ll take good care of her. Promise. You two rest easy, okay?”

I put my shoes on, close the door behind me. Fresh air. I breathe in, and out. It’s okay. It’s okay. I need to be strong.

I pull out my phone to see the itinerary. There's a text from Leonova.

“Well? Not answering your door anymore? Scared of the consequences of your actions, honey?”

Of course she came back. But this time, I'm not scared. I’m angry. So I text back.

“I have better things to do than talk to you right now.”

It’s not like this shit can get any worse.

My undying love, now I hold it like a grudge

And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough

There isn't much to do in the gynaecology unit. One of my colleagues is already on guard duty. She looked surprised to see me. Apart from tidying a few tools and files, I quickly find myself with nothing on my hands. So I go to Mort’s room after asking at the reception.

My hand is shaking on the handle as I push it down. Afraid of what I might find. Yet I've seen horrible things. Corpses. Infected genitals. Crying teenagers. But suddenly, this is what I'm afraid of.

She's… asleep. Her body is covered in little cuts, probably due to the glass shattering. There’s a bandage on her forehead, probably where they had to stitch her up. She's pale, but her hand is warm when I take it. I look at her closed eyelids. The purplish eyebags under them. The bruises on her skin. I can still smell the blood on her, but she looks so peaceful.

A nurse comes in around midnight, tells me the details. Minor concussion. A few stitches. No fractures, a miracle. No surgery needed, either. That's a relief.

She asks me if I want to stay for the night, I say yes, I'll just sleep in a chair. She smiles and nods before leaving. I'm grateful for that. A lot of nurses would have just kicked me out.

I focus my attention on Mort again. Her hair is spread out messily on the pillow. She usually takes such good care of it, it's weird to see. They'll get damaged if I leave it like that… But she's asleep and… well. Nothing much to lose here.

I slowly gather up her hair, take a few strands in my hands. She doesn't wake up. Good. I start to bread the hair, gently. It’s dusty, there's dried blood in it still, but I can at least make it look pretty. It takes me a while since her hair is super long, but the result isn’t too bad. She hasn't moved an inch during the whole process. It's almost scary. I push some hair away from her forehead. Hesitate.

Fuck it.

I lean down and kiss it, right next to the bandage. Her skin is warm under my lips. Then I whisper in her ear.

“Hey. You better wake up soon. We’re waiting for you.”

She should be out of danger. But she’s so still and pale. Maybe she doesn’t want to wake up, and I couldn't blame her. But I don't want her to go just yet.

I can't think of anything worse than her dying right now.

This world is a wasteland where nothing can grow

If it weren't for you, I'd be here all alone

I know in my heart this is where we belong

This world is a wasteland

Don't let me go, go, go, go, go, go, go

A hand is caressing my hair. Softly. It’s nice. My neck hurts, must have fallen asleep…

Wait. Mort.

I open my eyes. She’s here. Looking at me. Smiling faintly. And her fingers are still in my hair.

“... Mort?”

I blink, to make sure that I'm not dreaming. She doesn’t disappear. Her eyes are moving to mine. She's here.

“You're awake,” I whisper. I could cry with relief.

She has a little, unusual laugh.

“The morphine has to still be in effect… I feel way too good.”

It makes me laugh too. At least she's not in pain. I slowly sit up, rubbing my eye, and suddenly she grabs my hand, sitting upright in the bed, fear glinting in her eyes.

“You’re… You're staying… aren’t you?”

I…

I don't think I've ever seen her like this before.

I put my other hand, my fake one, on top of hers. Even if it can't feel much. This time I don't have to force a smile.

“I'm not going anywhere. Promise.”

She sighs. Falls back against the mattress. She looks better. The fact that she’s moving and talking and breathing helps.

We talk. She asks me what happened. The other driver. Bazyli. Didn't think I’d see him again after all this time. I just tell her he’s okay. She wants to look at herself in a mirror, so I give her the pocket one I use to fix my make-up when I wear any. She looks at herself for a while, then says, with a lot of irony,

“Well, I have quite the good profile.”

She does. She's still beautiful. But that wouldn’t be really appropriate to say, would it? For now, I'm just glad that she's here. Talking. Even if we're gonna have to discuss what happened eventually, it’s still something. I smile. I joke around. She’s too tired to deal with it, but she doesn't hold it against me.

She isn't mad at me. It’s more than I can ask for. So I try to push down the feelings. At least for a while. I can't, shouldn’t want more than this, and yet I do. Even as everything is still going to shit and the end to our problems is still so far away. Even as I'm the cause of all this, I don’t want to ever let go of her hand.

Heh. I really am the worst, huh?

If you changed anything, would you not have survived?

You're alive, you're alive, you're alive

And I know you don't remember calling me

But I told you, even then you looked so pretty

In your hospital bed

I remember you said you were scared

And so am I.

Songs in order of appearance :

Sick Joke – Xana

I Can Be Your Mother – Sofia Isella

Cacao and Cocaine – Sofia Isella

Ashley – Halsey

The lonely – Christina Perri

Highway to hell – AC/DC

clementine – Halsey

Not Strong Enough – boygenius

No Children – The Mountain Goats

Wasteland – Royal and the Serpent

Heat lightning – Mitski

Should Have Been Me – Mitski

the grudge – Olivia Rodrigo

The 30th – Billie Eilish

[zenless-zideblog-zero]

There's something about the fact that Section 6, the Canonically strongest Faction in game, has a ton of problems and difficulties.

Asaba has a Terminal Illness with no cure that Specifically and actively hinders his ability to do his specific Job. He will straight up turn into an ethereal at some point, if he doesn't succumb to cardiac arrest or asphyxiate first because of it.

Yanagi has Oni blood in her Veins, and if she uses too much of the power available to her she's liable to become incredibly injured or just outright die because it's Hysterical Strength x1000. It also, seemingly has caused her eyes to become messed up, and can make her go blind at random.

Soukaku's older Sister died due to Illness or War (Likely a combination of both.) Her mental trauma causes her to always almost always feel the need to eat, to fill the parts of her heart that feel empty. (Also my Headcanon is that Oni Develop slower than humans - Soukaku, despite being "Older than Yanagi" is at a much lower level of Maturity in terms of lifespan and physical/mental development. So she's basically a child soldier.)

Miyabi Straight up fights demons. In her sword. And With her sword. She killed her own mother to save her from becoming an ethereal. She doesn't always understand what's socially acceptable to say in a given situation (Neurodivergent), when it's appropriate to correct someone (Neurodivergent), can't stand meetings and paperwork (That's Everyone, but Neurodivergent), Believes she only exists to do one thing, that she's only truly capable of doing one thing, or has to add the modifier of "Training" to do certain things (Very Neurodivergent) and will just disassociate in public when she begins focusing on her thoughts too much (INCREDIBLY Neurodivergent).

And we've seen people act 'Normal' and not suffer from diseases in ZZZ! Nicole is incredibly Socially and (Somewhat) Financially adept, Lycaon might struggle somewhat in casual social circumstances, but he's very much capable LITERALLY anywhere else, Anton's a bit of a meathead but he's incredibly kind and well meaning, Corin has Anxiety and Confidence issues but other than that she seems to be a fairly normal (Mentally) Sixteen year old. Ellen is straight up just a Highschooler! I could go to my local high school and find someone who acts pretty much exactly like her!

Yeah, every character has their quirks and opinions, some have traumas and issues, but Section Six is the only group you can point at anyone of them and say "That Person has something wrong with them" and no one can provide a strong counter argument (Because there's a difference between living one's best life, and living the best life they can.)

[aventurineswife]

Request:

(Keeping your inbox nice and stuffed)

IL Dan Heng bites you all the time.. one time you bite him back 😏

Tell me is this gonna come out in late november of the year 3071 (md reference because yes)

A Bite for a Bite

Summary: Dan Heng, in his Imbibitor Lunae form, has a peculiar way of showing affection—playfully biting you at the most unexpected moments. You’ve grown used to it, but one evening, you decide to turn the tables and bite him back. What starts as a teasing gesture quickly turns into a charged moment that blurs the lines between playful intimacy and something deeper.

Tags: Dan Heng IL x Reader, Established Relationship, Playful Banter, Suggestive Themes, Power Dynamics, Light Angst (if you squint), Soft Dan Heng.

Warnings: Suggestive Themes, Light Biting (playful and consensual), Minor References to Dan Heng’s internal conflict and past trauma.

Dan Heng’s usual quiet demeanor could easily be mistaken for coldness, but to those who knew him well, there was warmth beneath the surface, albeit hard to reach. His feelings were often concealed by the weight of his past and his natural tendency for introspection. Yet, the moments where that reserve slipped—often when no one was around—were precious, and his affection became evident in the smallest, most unexpected ways.

It was one of those rare moments when you found yourselves alone in the dimly lit corner of the train, sharing a quiet evening together. Dan Heng’s presence was soothing, a comfort in the chaos that sometimes enveloped the universe. He sat beside you, his long hair spilling over his shoulders, an ethereal glow emanating from him as usual. His eyes, however, were softer than usual, watching you as you leaned your head against his shoulder.

As always, his hand reached out, and before you could react, he gently bit the side of your neck. It wasn’t painful—more like a playful nip, something he’d done countless times before. It was his unique way of marking his affection, a small, mischievous gesture that never failed to make your heart race.

You chuckled softly, more out of habit than surprise, “You really enjoy biting me, don’t you?”

He didn’t respond immediately, his lips still lingering near your skin. There was a brief flicker in his eyes, as if he was considering your words carefully. Then, with his usual quiet confidence, he bit you again—this time a little harder, as if testing the limits of your tolerance.

"Dan Heng," you murmured, half-exasperated and half-amused, “You’re lucky I love you.”

His lips curled into a small, almost imperceptible smile. “Lucky... Yes,” he murmured, and for a second, you saw a flash of something deeper in his eyes—something far more intense than you were used to seeing.

But you weren’t about to let him get away with it this time.

You tilted your head just slightly, a mischievous glint in your own gaze. Without a word, you reached up, fingers grazing the side of his jaw before pressing your teeth gently into the exposed skin of his neck. It was a playful move, but you bit just a little harder than he might have expected, feeling the way his muscles tensed under your touch.

The reaction was immediate. His breath hitched, and for a brief moment, you could sense his surprise. His eyes widened as he turned toward you, the unspoken challenge clear. There was a moment of silence between you two, heavy and charged with an unspoken question—what would happen next?

You pulled back slightly, a small smirk on your lips, and watched him carefully. His expression had shifted, caught somewhere between intrigue and something deeper—something more primal.

“You don’t always get to be the one in control,” you teased, your voice low and suggestive.

Dan Heng’s eyes darkened, and for a moment, you could have sworn he was about to bite you again, this time with more force, but something in his gaze faltered. He studied you, his lips parting ever so slightly, as if he was trying to find the right words. His past had taught him restraint, caution—qualities that had once defined him as the Imbibitor Lunae. Yet, in the quiet intimacy of the moment, that restraint seemed to waver.

“You’ve been biting me for so long,” you continued, your voice still soft, but with a playful edge. “I think it’s time I return the favor.”

Dan Heng let out a breath—slow and deliberate, a rare chuckle escaping him. “Perhaps… I should let you have your fun this time,” he said, a touch of affection lacing his words.

For a moment, the space between you felt electric, the air thick with anticipation. You weren’t sure what would happen next. You never were with him, not fully.

But you knew one thing for sure: the cycle of playful biting had just shifted, and now, you were both caught in the unpredictable dance of power, affection, and something much deeper than either of you had anticipated.

As the silence stretched between you two, you leaned in, this time capturing his lips in a soft kiss—a kiss that was at once tender and full of the unspoken promise of more.

[imjustreadinglmao]

BLUE

Paring: Azriel x Reader, Lucien x platonic!Reader

Summary: After Azriel and Elain‘s courtship is revealed, their mates, Lucien and Y/N, are left to deal with the consequences. While fighting against Koschei and for Prythian‘s freedom, Y/N has to navigate her emotions and learn how to live with the heartbreak of a one sided mating bond. But what happens when long kept secrets are revealed and everything turns out differently than they thought?

PART I

word count: 3k

A/N: this is part 1 of BLUE. I changed the beginning a bit to fit the storyline. Please be nice this is my first fic :)

Warnings: light angst, unrequited love, mention of childhood trauma/ mention of ãbuse (not described)

part 2

I stir my black tea as Rhysand files through the report I handed him just seconds ago.

The steam from the tea rises, curling in delicate tendrils, carrying with it a sense of fleeting warmth that I desperately cling to.

Rhysand’s office is both grand and simple.

Bookshelves line the walls, filled with volumes on history, strategy, and magic. A fireplace to the right. Above it, a large portrait of Velaris shows the city bathed in a soft, ethereal glow. Feyre gifted it to him last starfall.

Heavy velvet drapes in shades of midnight blue frame the windows, ready to be drawn shut for privacy.

In the distance I can make out the mountains with their snow-capped peaks and the Sidra winding through the valley below.

“I have to say, I’m impressed you were able to convince Devlon so fast.”

I look up at Rhys and chuckle, the sound hollow to my own ears. “It does help if you threaten to cut his balls off and stake them to the wall for everyone to see.”

Rhys lifts a brow and barks out a laugh. “I see.”

I rarely go on missions anymore, choosing to work as an advisor for Rhysand.

Missions used to be exciting, but nowadays I prefer the comfort my room provides. The sense of security it brings is a balm to my soul, now more than ever.

I take this as a sign to stand up and lift my bag from the floor. I sling it over my shoulder and make my way to the door.

“Don’t forget tonight’s family dinner,” Rhysand calls after me. I don’t look back, just give him a thumbs-up and close his office door behind me.

As I make my way downstairs and through the foyer, I spot Lucien strapping on his sword. Presumably getting ready for training, he has always been an early riser.

“How did the mission go?” Lucien doesn’t need to look up to see that it’s me approaching.

I let out a sigh and rub my temples. “Good.” I stop beside him and flop onto the recamier right next to the front door. “Well, as good as paying the camps a visit can get.”

Lucien cracks a smile at that, his amber eyes twinkle with amusement. He knows exactly how difficult it is to convince Devlon of something he isn’t particularly fond of.

“Are you coming to the family dinner tonight?” I ask, my voice betraying a hint of reluctance.

Lucien sheaths his blade and nods. “Feyre will have my head if I don’t show up. I already missed the last one.”

I cringe at the mention of the last family dinner. The memory alone sends a sharp pang through my chest.

———————

I walk into the dining room, ready to face yet another family dinner. I spot Mor right away, radiant in her blood-red gown. The sight of her is always one of familiarity and comfort.

“Hey, got another one of those?” I point to the wine glass in her hand. She arches a brow and hands me one filled to the brim.

“Are we so exhausting that you need liquid encouragement to get through the night?” she muses. I just roll my eyes, trying to hide my amusement.

Right as she opens her mouth to say something, the back of my head begins to tickle. He is here.

I turn around to see Azriel walk through the door, and he is not alone. Elain is beside him, their hands intertwined.

Even though I was expecting it to happen soon, the sight still hits me like a physical blow. It was always just a matter of time till Azriel and Elain decided to go against Rhys‘s order and make their love official.

I‘m glad, Lucien isn’t here to witness this. I can’t imagine how it would be for him.

Since only my side of the bond snapped into place, seeing how in love they are, is somehow… manageable. For Lucien it would be almost deadly.

I look back at Mor, her expression as shocked as mine. “I didn’t know,” she whispers, her face now bearing a look of worry and pity.

To say the dinner is awkward would be an understatement. Nobody really knows what to say after Elain and Azriel walked in holding hands.

I just shove the potatoes on my plate around, too nauseous to eat anything. The lump in my throat makes swallowing impossible.

Cassian clears his throat and points to Azriel and Elain. “So how long has this been going on?” Nesta jabs her elbow into his ribs, which earns her an “oww”, and throws me an apologetic look.

Besides Mor, only Lucien and Nesta know about the bond between me and Azriel. Their concern a constant reminder of the bond I try so hard to ignore.

“Well…” Azriel coughs, noticeably uncomfortable with being put on the spot. “It all happened very quickly. We spent a lot of our nights up and talking and realized we didn’t want to hold back anymore.”

He gazes down at her, smiling. I recognize that look. The realization twists the knife in my heart.

That’s how I look at him.

—————————

“Are you even listening?” Lucien waves a hand in front of my face to snap me out of my haze. His voice pulls me back to the present, but the ache remains.

I rub my eyes. “Uh… sorry. What exactly were you saying?”

He crosses his arms and looks down at me. “I was asking if you wanted to go training with me. But it seems what you really need is some sleep.”

I roll my eyes and stand up. “You know me so well, Lu.” I pat his shoulder and walk out the door. “See you at dinner tonight.”

Velaris is most beautiful at night, but nothing can beat the quiet and peace of the early mornings.

I walk down the high street, greeting some of my favorite vendors with a smile, until I reach the familiar townhouse.

After I officially became part of Rhysand’s inner circle, he offered me to stay at his townhouse.

It had many perks: no rent, right in the heart of Velaris, and an endless wine supply thanks to Rhysand’s "secret" wine cellar.

There is really only one downside.

“I didn’t think you would be back so soon.” Azriel sits at the dinner table eating breakfast. He has his fighting leathers on, probably on his way to the House of Wind for Valkyrie training.

Cassian and Azriel still train the Valkyries every morning. Sometimes I join, but only when Nesta drags me up there.

“Well, sorry to disappoint.” I laugh awkwardly. “I’m going to head upstairs to rest. Say hello to Nesta for me.” The words taste bitter, a poor attempt to mask the hurt.

I turn around before he has the chance to say something else, the lump in my throat threatening to choke me.

Yes, that is the downside. The constant reminder of what I had lost and could never have.

Him.

——————

The dining room buzzes with conversation as everyone settles in for dinner.

Azriel and Elain sit together, a vision of contentment that sends a pang through my heart.

Across the table, Lucien’s jaw is tight, his gaze fixed on his plate.

“Thank you all for coming,” Rhysand begins, standing at the head of the table. “I have an important announcement to make.”

He glances at Lucien and me, a hint of apology in his eyes. “We’ve decided to support Eris in overthrowing Beron.

Lucien and you,” he points at me, “will lead the mission to the Autumn Court.”

A murmur runs through the room. Lucien looks up, his eyes meet mine.

There is a mixture of determination and vulnerability in his gaze that makes my heart ache.

The Autumn Court doesn’t hold great memories for either of us.

But before I can fully process Rhysand’s words, Azriel stands abruptly, his expression dark and tense.

“Why them?” Azriel’s voice is sharp, a stark contrast to his usual calm demeanor. “Why not send someone else?”

Rhysand frowns slightly, clearly not expecting this reaction.

“Both of them have a unique advantage given their history with Eris and the Autumn Court. It’s a strategic decision.”

Azriel’s eyes flicker to me, a storm of emotions swirling within them. “I don’t like it. It’s too dangerous.”

I feel a surge of frustration. Azriel’s protectiveness, though touching, is misplaced and completely out of character.

“What’s your problem, Azriel?” I snap, unable to hold back.

“I’m more than capable of leading this mission. Or do you think I’m not good enough to do my job?”

His eyes narrow, the tension between us thickening. “That’s not what I meant,” he retorts, his voice lower but no less intense.

“I just don’t think it’s wise to send specifically you two into such a volatile situation. You can’t just throw yourself into danger like that.”

My heart pounds in my chest. “That’s rich coming from you. You’re always in danger, always risking everything. How is that different from this mission?”

“It’s different because—” Azriel stops himself, glancing at Elain, who is watching us with wide eyes. He seems to struggle for a moment before finishing, “It doesn’t matter, just let someone else do the mission. You’re an important asset to this court.”

Before I could respond with something I’d surely regret, Elain’s voice cuts through the tension.

“Azriel, stop.” Her voice is calm but firm, a hint of desperation in her eyes. “This isn’t helping.”

Azriel turned to Elain, his expression softens slightly, but the tension remains. He takes a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. “I’m sorry. I just… I worry.”

Lucien’s gaze hardens, “We’ve faced worse,” he says, a challenge in his tone. “We are capable enough to lead this mission, we don’t need your approval, Shadowsinger.”

Azriel’s jaw clenches, a muscle ticking in his cheek. “It’s not about capability. It’s about safety. I don’t want to see anyone get hurt.”

“Anyone?” I echo, my voice rises. “Or just Elain’s mate?”

The words hang in the air, charged with emotion. Azriel flinches slightly.

“This has nothing to do with Lucien being Elain‘s mate,” he says, though the slight tremor in his voice betrays him.

“But it does, doesn’t it?” My words laced with venom. “If Lucien were to get hurt, it would cause Elain distress, that’s how a mating bond works. And we can’t have that, can we?”

Elain looks down, her face unreadable, while Lucien’s gaze flickers between Azriel and me.

“We all know the risks,” Lucien says more calmly this time, “And we’re prepared to face them.”

Rhysand interjects, his voice low but authoritative. “Enough. We’re all on the same side here. This is a mission we need to undertake for the greater good. Personal feelings need to be set aside.”

I take a deep breath and try to steady the storm of emotions within me. Rhysand is right, the last thing we need is Azriel and me fighting.

Rhysand sits down, his tone final. “This mission is vital. We need to trust each other and stay focused. We’ll discuss this further tomorrow. For now, let’s try to enjoy the evening.”

The atmosphere is strained as we resume our meal. I can feel Azriel’s gaze on me.

Lucien reaches over, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. It was a small gesture, but it meant everything in that moment.

I don’t say a word throughout the whole dinner. Choosing to stay quiet instead of lashing out.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that this mission would change everything.

---

The garden of the River House is a haven of tranquility. Blooming flowers and lush greenery everywhere Elain truly is a talented gardener.

I find Lucien leaning against a stone pillar, his gaze lost in the Sidra's gentle flow.

I approach him quietly, the cool evening air brushing against my skin. “Mind if I join you?” I ask softly.

Lucien looks up, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Of course not. I was just enjoying the peace before the storm.”

I halt beside him, the tension from the dinner still coils tightly in my chest. “Quite the announcement, wasn’t it?”

He nods, his expression thoughtful. “I knew something like this was coming, but hearing it confirmed… it’s different.

Eris must be desperate if he reached out to Rhysand.”

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “Yes, it’s a lot. I wish Rhys would have told us separately. This topic is already very emotional I really didn’t need Azriel’s… concern too.”

Lucien’s eyes darken at the mention of Azriel. “He’s protective, that’s clear. But he doesn’t have the right to undermine your abilities.”

“It’s not just that,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “His words, his actions… they confuse me. One moment he’s distant, the next he’s overly concerned. I don’t understand him.”

Lucien’s gaze softens, a flicker of understanding in his eyes. “He cares about you. He might not be aware of it but you’re his mate, bond snapping into place or not, it’s his priority to keep you safe. That can’t be changed, even if he’s in love with someone else.”

I look away, the garden blurring before my eyes. “It hurts, Lucien. Seeing him with Elain, pretending to be something they’re not. I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Lucien reaches out, his hand covering mine. “You’re not alone in this. We’ve all got our battles to fight, and sometimes the hardest ones are with our own hearts.”

A moment of silence stretches between us, the night air filled with the scent of blooming flowers.

“And what about you?” I ask, turning to look at him. “How are you handling all of this? Eris, the Autumn Court… it can’t be easy for you.”

Lucien’s expression grows somber. “It’s not. But I’ve come to terms with my past and everything my father did to me. I knew this was going to happen. Eris has the chance to change things, to make the Autumn Court a better place. I can’t turn my back on that.”

He smiles at that. “And maybe, when all of this is over, we’ll find some semblance of peace.”

As we stand there, the garden enveloping us in its quiet embrace, I feel a sense of calm settle over me. Whatever challenges lay ahead, I know we have each other’s backs.

—————————

The war room in the House of Wind is filled with dread as we gather around the large oak table.

Rhysand stands at the head, his usual easy demeanor replaced by a grave seriousness.

To his right, Amren sits with her usual enigmatic expression, while Cassian leans against the wall, arms crossed and a stern look on his face.

Azriel is on my left, his gaze unreadable, and Lucien sits across from me, his eyes focused and determined.

Rhysand unfurls a detailed map of the Autumn Court, its forests and strongholds marked with meticulous detail.

“Eris has provided us with information about Beron’s movements and the layout of his court. Our objective is to infiltrate the main stronghold, gather intelligence, and support Eris in his efforts to dethrone Beron.”

Lucien nods, his jaw set. Rhys continues. “We’ll enter through the southern border. Eris has arranged for a distraction that will draw most of Beron’s guards away from the main stronghold. This will give us the opportunity to slip in and meet with Eris.”

Amren leans forward, her sharp eyes assessing the map. “And what about Koschei? He’s been a wild card in all of this. His alliance with Beron could complicate things.”

Rhysand nods in agreement. “Koschei is a concern. According to Eris, Koschei has been providing Beron with dark magic. We need to be prepared for any magical traps or barriers.”

Azriel’s voice cuts through the discussion. “I’ll handle the reconnaissance. I’ll fly ahead and ensure the path is clear before they move in.”

I glance at him, he hasn’t looked at me or said a single thing to me since yesterday. If I didn’t know better I would say he was sulking.

Rhysand continues, “Once inside, our main goal is to secure the throne room and neutralize Beron’s guards. Eris will confront Beron directly. You,” he gestures to Lucien and me, “need to be ready to support him.”

Lucien nods again, his eyes meeting mine across the table. “We’ll be ready.”

Rhysand’s gaze softens slightly as he looked at us. “This mission is dangerous, but it’s necessary. Any questions?”

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the responsibility settle on my shoulders. “What if things go wrong? Do we have an extraction plan?”

Amren smirks. “We have a plan. Azriel and I will be your backup. If things go south, we’ll get you out, girl.”

Azriel nods, his eyes meeting mine. “You won’t be alone out there. We’ll be watching.”

There is a moment of silence as everyone absorbs the gravity of this mission.

Finally, Rhysand speaks again, his voice resolute. “We leave at dawn. Get some rest and prepare yourselves.”

As we all stand to leave, Azriel catches my arm. “Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asks, his voice low.

I nod, following him to a quieter corner of the room. “What is it, Azriel?”

He hesitates, searching for the right words. “I know you’re capable. But this mission… it’s dangerous, and I can’t shake the feeling that something might go wrong. Just promise me you’ll be careful.”

His concern should touch me, but I can’t help and feel angry. “I know the risks, Azriel. And I’ll be careful. But you need to trust me to do my part.”

He sighs, running a scarred hand through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t trust you or your abilities. I just… I can’t lose you.”

Before I can respond, Lucien approaches.“Ready?” Lucien asks, his eyes flicker between Azriel and me. I nod, giving Azriel one last look.

“Ready.”

[arilevenatz]

Unscripted

Pairing: idol!Yunho x idol!Reader

Genre/trope: fluff, idol romance

Word count: 8.4k

Warnings: very, I mean veryyyy minute talks of suicide, reader has trauma, she had a bad childhood, Imk if I missed any

AN: I always wanted to write an idol x idol reader. And now here we are, our own golden retriever got a fic now. Yes I had fun playing with the characters. The group I created, I really loved how it turned out and I will be using this group again in future idol x idol projects

Yunho had always been the one to capture attention. With his bright smile and natural charisma, he easily stood out. As the lead dancer and main vocalist of ATEEZ, his talent was undeniable. His 6’1” frame and athleticism only added to his presence, making him a natural on stage.

Performing live was where Yunho truly thrived. His dance moves were smooth yet powerful, and his deep voice melted effortlessly into each melody. The energy he brought to every performance made it clear that he was in his element, pouring his heart into every note.

Offstage, Yunho was the playful mood maker. He was always cracking jokes, pulling pranks, or finding ways to make the group laugh. But his fun-loving side hid a deep dedication to his craft. He spent countless hours perfecting his moves, driven by a desire to do his best for ATEEZ and their fans.

Despite his lively exterior, Yunho often found himself reflecting on his connections with others. His passion for music had always led him to form bonds with fellow idols, but lately, he couldn’t help but feel that someone new was beginning to take up more space in his thoughts.

The girl group was called Elysium, a name that captured the dream-like, otherworldly energy they exuded on stage. Elysium’s music was a blend of powerful performances and deep, emotive lyrics, making them stand out in a crowded industry. Their fandom, known as Stellar, was dedicated, passionate, and fiercely protective of the group’s integrity. Elysium had quickly risen to fame, drawing attention not only for their talent but for their strong bond as a group.

---

Lee Yeji

00', Aries

Leader, Rapper

Yeji was the fiery leader who held the group together with her unwavering confidence. As the lead rapper, her verses were fast and powerful, leaving an impression every time she stepped up to the mic. Her assertive personality made her a natural leader, always taking charge and ensuring the group stayed on track. Offstage, Yeji balanced her strong exterior with a deep care for her members, always looking out for them like a protective older sister.

—

Hwang YN

01', Gemini

Producer, Lyricist, All-rounder

YN, the second oldest in the group, had a deep, commanding voice that often startled people when they first heard it. As a producer and lyricist, she played a key role in crafting Elysium’s unique sound. While she often appeared emotionless on the outside, YN had a dry wit that made those around her laugh without her intending to. Her calm demeanor and focus on the creative side made her a cornerstone of the group, though her voice alone commanded respect.

---

Jang Wonyoung

04', Sagittarius

Center, Visual, Vocalist

Wonyoung was the visual and center of the group, with an almost ethereal beauty that captured attention immediately. As a vocalist, her voice was sweet and clear, adding a unique texture to Elysium’s sound. Despite her grace and elegance, Wonyoung’s warmth and playful energy offstage made her approachable and beloved by fans and fellow idols alike.

---

Phan Hanni

04', Virgo

Main Vocalist

Hanni’s voice was the heart of Elysium’s music, with a range that effortlessly transitioned between delicate ballads and powerful anthems. Though she was soft-spoken offstage, her voice spoke volumes in every performance, conveying emotions with a depth that moved listeners. Hanni's humble nature and dedication to her craft made her one of the most respected members of the group, always striving to perfect her vocal technique.

---

Kang Haneul

05', Libra

Lead Dancer, Maknae

As the youngest, Haneul was the maknae of Elysium, but her skills as the lead dancer made her shine brightly on stage. Her movements were a blend of strength and grace, making every performance feel like an art form. Despite being the youngest, Haneul’s maturity and dedication to dancing set her apart. She was quiet and reserved offstage but showed an intensity and passion whenever she was on the dance floor.

Elysium’s concept was unlike anything the industry had seen before. They blended nostalgic, early-2000s vibes with a modern twist, creating a sound that felt both fresh and timeless. Their aesthetic was a blend of minimalist cool and raw authenticity—think vintage street style meets ethereal elegance. Each member’s individuality was celebrated, with no exaggerated theatrics or over-the-top concepts. Instead, Elysium’s power lay in their simplicity and authenticity, capturing the hearts of fans by just being themselves.

Their music was a perfect mix of catchy hooks and introspective lyrics, with a laid-back, almost effortless vibe that made each track feel personal. They didn’t rely on flashy choreography or ostentatious visuals; instead, their performances were intimate, like you were watching them in a moment of pure, unfiltered connection.

Elysium’s fashion mirrored this concept—loose, comfortable fits with a nostalgic edge, often accessorized with subtle details that gave them a chic, effortless flair. Their look was cool but approachable, embodying a laid-back confidence that made them stand out without trying too hard. Their style was a reflection of their personalities: fresh, real, and a little bit rebellious.

Their concept was bold in its restraint—no gimmicks, no forced personas—just raw talent and a genuine connection to their music and fans. Elysium wasn’t just a group; they were a movement, breaking barriers with a sound and aesthetic that felt both innovative and incredibly personal.

Elysium debuted in 2020 with their breakout single "Timeless Echoes", a song that perfectly encapsulated their unique blend of nostalgia and modernity. The track featured mellow, laid-back beats with hauntingly beautiful vocals that echoed their raw, authentic energy. The lyrics, penned by YN, were introspective and reflective, exploring themes of self-discovery, love, and the passage of time. "Timeless Echoes" became an instant favorite, resonating deeply with fans who were drawn to its simplicity and emotional depth.

Their debut album, "Elysian Days", was a seamless reflection of their concept—minimalistic, authentic, and grounded in real emotions. Every track on the album had been carefully crafted by YN, who not only wrote the lyrics but also produced the sound with an understated elegance that defined the group's style. The album was a mix of mellow ballads, introspective mid-tempos, and smooth, groovy beats. Each song felt like an intimate conversation, where listeners could connect deeply with the group’s journey, vulnerabilities, and experiences.

Songs like "Daydreams", "Quiet Storm", and "Wanderlust" followed, each contributing to the cohesive, yet diverse, nature of the album.

"Daydreams" captured a sense of youthful wonder and longing,

while "Quiet Storm" was a deeper, more reflective ballad about inner strength and the quiet battles people face.

"Wanderlust" was a smooth, breezy track with a laid-back vibe, encapsulating their desire for freedom and exploration.

"Elysian Days" set the stage for Elysium’s journey, marking them as an artistically bold and boundary-pushing group in the K-pop scene. They had a sound that was distinctly their own, and with YN's vision and leadership, Elysium was poised to redefine what it meant to be an idol group in the modern music landscape.

The 2020 MJK Awards buzzed with energy as the biggest names in the industry filled the grand venue. ATEEZ sat at their assigned table near the front, their growing fame landing them prime seating. Yunho, ever the curious observer, scanned the room, taking in the glamorous chaos around him. His eyes flickered toward a group seated a little further back, where five girls sat quietly, looking slightly out of place amidst the glittering stars. They carried themselves with an understated confidence that intrigued him.

It was Elysium’s first award show, and though they were new to the scene, their name had already started making waves. Yunho had heard whispers about them—their unique concept, their music written entirely by one of the members, and their captivating simplicity. But it wasn’t until they took the stage for their performance that Yunho truly understood the hype.

Their performance was brief—award show rookie slots were always short—but it was enough to command the room’s attention. The stage lights dimmed, and a haunting melody began to play, accompanied by YN’s deep, rich voice that sent a ripple through the audience. The blend of their vocals, fluid choreography, and the raw authenticity they exuded was magnetic.

Yunho found himself leaning forward in his seat, captivated by the girl with the emotionless expression and commanding voice. There was something about her—how effortlessly she moved, how her voice seemed to echo with a depth beyond her years. She didn’t try to steal the spotlight, but it seemed to find her anyway.

When Elysium was announced as the Rookie of the Year, the girls stood in shock before making their way to the stage. YN stood at the back as Yeji, the leader, delivered a heartfelt thank-you speech. Yunho noticed YN bowing slightly to the crowd, her face still unreadable but her eyes glinting with a quiet pride. She looked at her fellow members with a subtle smile, the kind you’d miss if you weren’t paying attention.

As Yeji wrapped up her heartfelt speech, thanking their fans, company, and team, she suddenly turned toward YN with a teasing smile. “Our producer should say something too, right?” she said, nudging her lightly.

The other members chimed in, giggling and encouraging her. “Come on, YN unnie!” Wonyoung whispered, while Haneul gave her a playful push forward. YN hesitated, glancing at the mic with a faint frown, clearly preferring to stay in the background.

But with the crowd now cheering lightly for her, she sighed and stepped closer to the microphone. The room quieted in anticipation.

“Thank you,” YN began, her voice low and deep, resonating across the venue like a bass note. It was so unexpected—such a rich, commanding tone coming from someone with such a small, unassuming frame—that it stunned everyone into silence.

She continued calmly, “I just want to thank our members for trusting my music and making it come to life. And to Stellar, for believing in us and helping us get here. We’ll work harder to show you more of what we can do.” Her delivery was concise, professional, and almost emotionless, but the sheer contrast of her voice and presence left the room mesmerized.

Gasps and murmurs rippled through the audience. Yunho, sitting at the ATEEZ table, felt his eyes widen as he exchanged a look of surprise with Wooyoung. Even some of the seasoned idols were caught off guard, their expressions ranging from awe to disbelief.

By the time Elysium returned to their seats, the buzz around YN had already started. Clips of her speech began circulating online before the event had even ended. Fans titled the videos "Idols Reacting to YN’s Voice", showing the surprised expressions of seniors in the audience, and "Rookie Idol Shocks Everyone with Her Deep Voice."

Within hours, hashtags like #YNsVoice and #ElysiumRookieOfTheYear trended worldwide. Some fans joked, “How is her voice deeper than most rappers?” while others were in awe of how effortlessly she spoke, carrying such a commanding presence without trying.

YN, meanwhile, remained oblivious to the storm she’d caused online, quietly congratulating her members and reminding them to stay focused on their next goals. Little did she know, her unique voice and unintentional charisma had left a lasting impression on everyone who heard it—including a certain tall, wide-eyed boy named Yunho.

Elysium’s viral moment following their award show performance had propelled them into the spotlight, and their schedules quickly became packed. One of their most exciting activities was participating in TikTok dance challenges with other idols, a promotional move that fans loved. For their latest collaboration, they were paired with none other than ATEEZ.

YN, as always, stood quietly to the side. She was assigned to lead the challenge, given her knack for precision and her ability to pick up choreography quickly. When the staff revealed the pairings, Yunho’s heart sank.

“Okay, for this one, we’ll have Jongho, Seonghwa, and YN,” the director announced, clapping his hands.

Jongho, standing beside Yunho, grinned and clapped his hands together. “Let’s do this!” he said enthusiastically.

Seonghwa nodded, his elegance evident even as he stretched, preparing for the shoot.

Meanwhile, Yunho stood frozen, his expression falling into something close to disbelief. Of all the people who could’ve been chosen, why not him? He watched as YN walked over to Jongho and Seonghwa with her usual quiet confidence, her deep voice breaking the silence as she asked, “What’s the move for the transition?”

Yunho’s stomach churned as Jongho started laughing and explaining the steps to her, the two of them already getting along. Seonghwa added a few tips, and she nodded, her focus entirely on the choreography.

The shoot began, and the trio nailed the challenge effortlessly. YN’s fluid movements and sharp execution stood out, earning her subtle admiration from Seonghwa and Jongho. The staff clapped as they wrapped up, and YN offered a brief but polite bow before stepping back to join her group.

It was a quiet evening when YN decided to go live on Elysium’s official account. Sitting comfortably in a simple hoodie with her hair tied back, she greeted her fans with her signature calm demeanor.

“Hi, everyone,” she said in her low, steady voice. “I’ve been seeing your requests for a live, so here I am. Let’s talk.”

The comments flooded in instantly, with fans typing questions faster than she could read them. YN scrolled through with a small smirk, answering a few at random.

Fan: What’s your favorite food these days?

YN: “Ah, lately, I’ve been eating way too much tteokbokki. Spicy food keeps me awake when I’m working late.”

Fan: Who’s the funniest member in Elysium?

YN: (without hesitation) “Wonyoung. She doesn’t even try, but the things she says are hilarious. And Haneul is secretly funny too—she just doesn’t realize it. Hanni is just a yapper.”

Fan: Do you have any hobbies?

YN: “Producing takes up most of my time, but I’ve been getting into reading mystery novels lately. It helps me unwind.”

Fan: What’s your favorite song you’ve written so far?

YN: “That’s like choosing a favorite child,” she said with a faint smirk. “But if I had to pick… maybe ‘Wanderlust.’ It’s a personal one, so it means a lot to me.”

Fan: What do you do when you’re not working?

YN: “I sleep,” she said bluntly, earning a flood of laughing emojis in the chat. “But if I’m not sleeping, I’m probably reading or eating.”

The questions kept rolling in, and YN answered them with her usual calm wit, making fans laugh with her unintentional humor. Then, as if it were an afterthought, she brought up something no one had asked.

As the questions continued, a fan comment caught her attention:

Fan: Who are your favorite groups?

YN tilted her head thoughtfully. “Hmm, favorite groups? That’s hard,” she said, looking genuinely torn. “I really admire Seventeen. Their stage presence, their music, and the way they work together as a team are incredible. My bias is S.Coups. He’s an amazing leader.”

“And... I also really like ATEEZ.” Her voice dropped just slightly, her expression remaining composed, but the slight tilt of her head hinted at something unspoken.

The chat went wild.

Fan: ATEEZ?! OMG, finally someone appreciates them like we do!

Fan: What’s your favorite ATEEZ song?!

Fan: She said it so casually, but we know it’s not casual!!!

YN read through the comments, her lips twitching into the faintest smile. “ATEEZ has an amazing stage presence,” she said, carefully picking her words. “They’re one of those groups that really pour everything into their performances. It’s inspiring.”

Then, as if testing the waters, someone in the chat asked the inevitable:

Fan: Do you have a bias in ATEEZ?

YN’s calm demeanor wavered for the briefest moment. She paused, as though considering her answer, and then let out a soft chuckle. “Ah, I don’t really have one. I’m just... a fan of all of them.”

Her mention of ATEEZ and that small, telling hesitation didn’t go unnoticed. The chat exploded.

Fan: She’s lying, she totally has a bias!

Fan: YN, we can tell! Just say it’s Yunho, we won’t tell!

Fan: Why does this feel like a confession?!

YN shook her head, her usual emotionless expression tinged with faint amusement. “You guys are so quick to jump to conclusions,” she said, her deep voice betraying nothing. “But really, all of ATEEZ is talented. That’s all I’ll say.”

As the live progressed, YN’s usual calm, no-nonsense demeanor took a sharper edge when she noticed the comments spiraling. Fans were already speculating and joking about her mentioning ATEEZ, and while some of it was lighthearted, she knew how quickly things could escalate.

She leaned closer to the camera, her deep voice cutting through the excited chatter in the chat. “Alright,” she said, her tone firm, “before anyone gets carried away, let me be clear. I don’t want to see any unnecessary rumors or assumptions about what I said.”

The chat paused for a moment as fans processed her sudden shift.

“I admire Seventeen and ATEEZ, just like I admire a lot of other groups,” she continued, her gaze steady. “They work hard, and they’re talented. That’s it. Please don’t create unnecessary drama out of this. Focus on supporting the artists you love instead of making things weird.”

Her straightforward approach silenced most of the speculation, with fans quickly apologizing or reassuring her in the chat. Still, clips of her stern warning made their way online, and while many praised her for setting boundaries, others couldn’t help but laugh at how serious she became.

A few days later, the members of ATEEZ were scattered around their dorm, enjoying a rare break. Yunho was scrolling through his phone, absentmindedly liking posts when Wooyoung suddenly gasped from the other side of the room.

“Guys!” Wooyoung yelled, nearly tripping over himself as he ran to the living room, phone in hand. “You have to see this!”

“What now?” San groaned, but he leaned in as Wooyoung shoved his phone in their faces.

On the screen was a trending hashtag: #YNWarnsFans, alongside clips of her live where she mentioned ATEEZ and later shut down the rumors.

“Wait,” Jongho said, narrowing his eyes. “She mentioned us? During her live?”

“She didn’t just mention us,” Wooyoung said, his grin widening. “She told her fans not to start rumors because she respects us so much.”

Yunho froze in his seat, suddenly hyperaware of his teammates' reactions. “Why are we even trending? She probably mentioned other groups too,” he said, attempting to downplay it.

“Oh, she did,” Seonghwa replied, calmly sipping his tea. “But the way she said our name was... interesting.”

“What do you mean interesting?” Yunho asked, his voice rising slightly.

“You know, it had weight,” Wooyoung said, mimicking YN’s deep voice dramatically. “‘I also really like ATEEZ.’”

San burst out laughing. “I think she scared her fans into behaving! Look at this.” He pulled up another clip from the live where YN firmly told her fans to focus on supporting artists instead of causing drama.

“She’s strict,” Jongho said with a chuckle. “I respect that.”

“But why do her fans think there’s more to it?” Mingi asked, looking genuinely confused as he scrolled through posts.

Wooyoung leaned closer to Yunho, smirking. “Because, dear Yunho, they picked up on something. Maybe we should too.”

Yunho shoved Wooyoung away, his face heating up. “You’re all reading too much into this,” he muttered, though his heart was racing.

But even as the teasing continued, the thought of YN deliberately mentioning ATEEZ—and how she handled the situation so seriously—lingered in Yunho’s mind longer than he wanted to admit.

A few years after their debut, Elysium had solidified themselves as one of the most unique and beloved groups in the industry. Their artistry and authenticity had earned them a loyal fanbase, and their ability to stay grounded despite their success only made fans adore them more. So, when YN was invited to participate in a new, groundbreaking show where idols opened up about their lives and struggles, fans were both thrilled and nervous.

The concept of the show was simple: one idol, one camera, and complete vulnerability. It wasn’t scripted or rehearsed, just an intimate conversation that allowed idols to connect with their fans on a deeper level. YN, known for her reserved and straightforward nature, was an interesting choice, and many fans wondered if she would even share much.

The studio was dimly lit, the focus entirely on YN as she sat in a simple chair, dressed casually in a white sweater and jeans. The setup was minimal—just her, the camera, and a producer sitting off-screen to guide the conversation.

After a brief introduction, the producer asked the first question. “Let’s start with something simple. How would you describe your journey as an idol so far?”

YN leaned back slightly, her deep voice calm but reflective. “It’s been... fulfilling, but not easy,” she admitted. “I think people assume that just because we’re successful now, everything was smooth sailing. But that’s far from the truth.”

The producer nodded, encouraging her to continue. “What were some of the challenges you faced?”

YN took a moment to gather her thoughts. “When Elysium debuted, we weren’t like other groups. Our concept was different, our music wasn’t the mainstream sound, and we didn’t fit into the mold of what people expected. At first, it felt like we were always trying to prove ourselves. I remember the pressure was so intense that I barely slept those first few months because I was constantly writing and producing, trying to make sure we stood out.”

She paused, her expression softening slightly. “But the hardest part wasn’t the work—it was the doubt. There were moments when I wondered if I was good enough to be the producer and lyricist for a group like ours. I knew my members trusted me, but I didn’t always trust myself.”

The producer gently asked, “What kept you going during those times?”

“My members,” YN replied immediately, a rare, small smile gracing her lips. “Yeji, Wonyoung, Hanni, and Haneul—they never doubted me, even when I doubted myself. They’d stay with me during late-night studio sessions, bring me snacks, or just sit quietly while I worked. It sounds small, but it reminded me that I wasn’t alone.”

The conversation then shifted to her personal life. “Fans have always admired your confidence and maturity. Have you always been like this?”

YN let out a low chuckle, shaking her head. “Not at all. Growing up, I was pretty shy and quiet. My voice was always deeper than the other kids’, and I got teased for it. It made me insecure for a long time, but eventually, I learned to own it. Now, I think my voice is one of my strengths.”

The producer hesitated before asking the next question. “What’s something most people don’t know about you?”

YN’s expression grew serious, her gaze dropping to the floor for a moment. “I think people assume that because I’m strict with fans and straightforward in interviews, I’m... cold or distant. But the truth is, I care deeply about the people around me. I just don’t always know how to show it. It’s something I’m working on.”

The producer wrapped up the session by asking, “What would you say to your fans who are watching this?”

YN looked directly into the camera, her deep voice steady but warm. “Thank you. For believing in us, for giving us the chance to grow, and for supporting us even when things weren’t perfect. I know I can be tough sometimes, but it’s because I respect you all and want to protect what we’ve built together. So... thank you.”

The producer leaned forward slightly, their voice gentle but curious. “What are your fears, YN?”

YN’s calm demeanor faltered just a bit as she shifted in her seat, her fingers lightly brushing against the edge of her sweater. For a moment, she seemed hesitant, but then she answered, her deep voice steady and straightforward.

“Deep water. The ocean. I hate them,” she said bluntly.

The producer looked surprised. “Really? That’s interesting. Why is that?”

YN exhaled softly, her expression unreadable. “There’s something about it... the unknown. It’s so vast, so unpredictable. You don’t know what’s underneath, and that terrifies me. It feels... suffocating.”

She paused, her gaze lowering slightly as she continued. “I think it’s the idea of being completely out of control. You can’t see, you can’t touch the bottom—it’s just endless. It’s not something I’ve ever been able to get over.”

The producer nodded, sensing the depth of her fear. “Have you ever had to face it?”

YN shook her head firmly. “No, and I don’t plan to. I’ll admire the ocean from a safe distance, thank you very much. But you won’t catch me on a boat or anywhere near deep water. That’s non-negotiable.”

The producer hesitated before asking the next question, clearly aware of its weight. “Can you tell us about your family?”

YN’s usually calm expression shifted slightly, her deep voice quiet as she began, “My family…” She trailed off, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. For a moment, it seemed like she wouldn’t answer, but then she exhaled deeply and decided to speak.

“When I was 11, everything changed,” she started, her voice steady but void of emotion. “My dad lost his job. At first, we thought it was temporary, that things would get better. But they didn’t.”

She paused, her eyes glancing briefly off-camera. “He started drinking. A lot. And gambling. He couldn’t handle the stress, I guess. It became this... downward spiral. Debt piled up, and suddenly, money lenders were showing up at our house, banging on the door.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line before she continued, her voice a fraction quieter. “There were times I had to hide. My mom would pull me into a room and tell me to stay quiet while she dealt with them. She tried to protect me, but I could hear everything—the shouting, the threats.”

The producer stayed silent, letting her speak at her own pace.

“My mom... she’s the strongest person I know,” YN said, her tone softening slightly. “She held everything together when it felt like the world was falling apart. But I’d see her break, late at night, when she thought I was asleep. She’d cry, or just sit there, staring at nothing. It was like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.”

Her gaze darkened as she continued. “And my dad… he’d talk about ending it all. Killing himself. He’d say it like it was a casual thing, and I didn’t know how to react. I was just a kid, and I felt so helpless. There were days I hated him for what he was putting us through, but at the same time, I was terrified of losing him.”

The producer’s voice was gentle when they asked, “Did you have anyone else to lean on during that time?”

YN shook her head, letting out a bitter laugh. “No. I’m an only child, and my cousins—they weren’t exactly kind. My parents borrowed money from everyone in the family, and that became the reason I was bullied by my cousins. They’d call me names, make fun of how my family couldn’t afford things. It got to the point where I dreaded family gatherings because I knew I’d be humiliated.”

She paused, her voice tightening slightly. “My studies fell apart. I used to be a good student, but I couldn’t focus. Everything felt meaningless when your home life is a disaster. And I didn’t have best friends or anyone to turn to. I was alone. Completely alone.”

The room was silent for a moment, the weight of her words hanging heavy in the air.

“But,” YN said, her voice regaining some strength, “I think that’s what made me who I am today. I had to grow up fast. I learned how to survive, how to be self-sufficient. And when I finally got the chance to chase my dreams, I put everything into it because I knew what it was like to have nothing.”

The producer nodded, visibly moved. “You’ve come so far, YN. Thank you for sharing something so personal.”

The episode aired a week later, and fans were stunned. Many had known bits and pieces of her story, but hearing her lay it all out like this was heartbreaking. Social media exploded with messages of support, with hashtags like #YNStrong and #ProudOfYN trending for days.

Yunho couldn’t stop thinking about YN’s story. He’d always been a fan of her work, admiring her talents as a producer, lyricist, and performer. But after hearing about her past, his admiration transformed into deep respect. She wasn’t just an artist he looked up to; she was someone who had overcome unimaginable challenges to stand where she was now.

“She’s incredible,” Yunho murmured one evening while scrolling through clips of YN’s interview on his phone.

“What’s that?” Hongjoong asked from across the room, looking up from his laptop.

“YN,” Yunho said, setting his phone down. “You watched her interview, right? She’s... amazing. I mean, her talent was already obvious, but after hearing her story, I respect her so much more. She’s been through so much and still came out stronger.”

Hongjoong nodded, leaning back in his chair. “She’s definitely one of the most genuine idols out there. Her story hit hard, and the way she handles herself? It’s admirable.”

Yunho hesitated for a moment before speaking. “Hyung, you’re good at networking and... you know, initiating things. Don’t you think it’d be great if we worked with her? Like, a Collab? She’s a producer, you’re a producer—it just makes sense.”

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “Is this about work, or is this about you being a fanboy?”

Yunho flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s about work,” he insisted, though the slight stammer in his voice gave him away. “Seriously, though. A Collab with her would be amazing. She has such a unique sound, and I think we could create something incredible together.”

Hongjoong chuckled, but there was a thoughtful look in his eyes. “You’re not wrong. Elysium’s sound is distinct, and her skills as a producer are no joke. It’d be interesting to see how our styles would blend.”

“So, will you reach out?” Yunho asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

“Sure,” Hongjoong said with a shrug. “I’ll bring it up with the company first, then see if Elysium’s side is interested. But don’t get your hopes up too fast. These things take time.”

Yunho nodded eagerly, already imagining what a collaboration with YN could look like. It wasn’t just about the music—though he truly believed they could create something amazing together. It was also a chance to work with someone he admired deeply, someone who inspired him not just as an artist but as a person.

A few days later, Hongjoong brought it up during a company meeting, pitching the idea with his usual confidence. The team seemed intrigued, and word was sent to Elysium’s management.

Unbeknownst to Yunho, YN herself was surprised when her company informed her of the request. A collaboration with ATEEZ? Specifically involving Hongjoong? She respected ATEEZ as artists, and the idea piqued her interest.

But for YN, who always approached her work with precision and seriousness, this wasn’t just about making a hit song. It was about finding the right synergy, the perfect balance between two distinct artistic visions.

As the initial talks began between the two companies, Yunho could barely contain his excitement. This was the beginning of something big—he could feel it. Whether or not YN would ever know how much her story and strength inspired him, Yunho was determined to give this project everything he had.

After the collaboration, Yunho finally decided it was time to approach YN. He couldn’t ignore the pull he felt toward her anymore. Her story, her strength, her talent—they had all left a deep impression on him. But more than that, he wanted to know the person behind the stoic demeanor, the person who had fought through so much to stand where she was.

He asked Hongjoong for advice. “What do I even say? I don’t want to freak her out or make it awkward.”

“Just be honest,” Hongjoong said simply. “She doesn’t seem like the type who likes sugarcoating. Just tell her how you feel.”

So, a few days later, Yunho worked up the courage. They crossed paths backstage at a music event, and he casually approached her during a quiet moment.

“Hey, YN,” he said, his usual bright smile lighting up his face. “Do you have a minute?”

YN turned to him, her expression unreadable but polite. “Sure, what’s up?”

Yunho hesitated for a split second but pushed forward. “I wanted to say... I really admire you. Not just for your talent, but for how strong you are. I know you’ve been through a lot, and... I’d like to get to know you better, if that’s okay.”

YN blinked, clearly caught off guard. She wasn’t used to people approaching her so directly. After a brief silence, she let out a small sigh. “Sunbaenim, I... I appreciate that, but I’m not in the best place right now. Mentally, emotionally—I’m just... not okay. I’m so busy, and I have a lot on my plate already. I don’t think I can handle a relationship, or even—”

“I’m not asking you to handle anything,” Yunho interrupted softly. His usual playful demeanor was replaced with something serious and genuine. “I’m not here to add to your burdens. I just want to be there for you. To take care of you, in any way I can.”

YN looked at him, her guard slipping slightly as she searched his face. “You say that now, but... I’m not easy to deal with. I have days where I can barely hold myself together. I don’t want to drag anyone down with me.”

Yunho smiled, his voice steady. “I’m not scared of that. Everyone has their struggles, and you’ve been carrying so much on your own for so long. Let someone be there for you for once. I don’t need anything from you—I just want to help lighten the load, even if it’s just a little.”

YN’s lips pressed into a thin line as she considered his words. Part of her wanted to push him away, to stick to the walls she had built around herself. But another part of her—the part that had spent so many years feeling alone—was tempted to let someone in, even just a little.

“...You’re persistent, aren’t you?” she finally said, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of her lips.

Yunho grinned, his warmth returning. “You have no idea.”

YN shook her head, but there was a softness in her eyes now. “Alright, Sunbaenim. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I can handle it,” he said confidently. “You’ll see.”

It was a small step, but for Yunho, it was a start. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he was determined to show YN that she didn’t have to face everything alone anymore.

Yunho didn’t back down after that conversation. If anything, it seemed to fuel his determination to show YN that he was serious about what he’d said. He didn’t push her boundaries or overwhelm her—instead, he made his presence known in small, thoughtful ways.

It started with endless messages. Texts that weren’t demanding but comforting.

“Hope today’s schedule isn’t too hectic. Don’t forget to eat something good!”

“Just heard a song that reminded me of you. Maybe we can listen together someday?”

“Don’t overwork yourself. You’re doing great.”

YN would read his texts late at night, her lips twitching into an involuntary smile. Sometimes she replied with a quick “Thanks” or a simple thumbs-up, but Yunho never seemed discouraged. He’d keep sending messages, as though he didn’t expect anything in return, just wanting her to know he was thinking of her.

On social media, Yunho started dropping subtle hints. Nothing too obvious, but enough to make fans and even his members suspicious. He’d mention how much he admired producers who put their heart into their work or casually praise Elysium in interviews.

In one live, a fan asked him what song he was listening to lately, and he grinned. “Oh, there’s this really cool track by a certain producer I admire. It’s on repeat, but I won’t say who. Let’s just say they’re super talented.”

ATEEZ fans picked up on it quickly, speculating wildly about who he was talking about. Meanwhile, YN watched the chaos unfold on Twitter, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it all. She knew exactly who Yunho was referring to, and though she tried to act unaffected, she couldn’t help the warmth that crept into her chest.

Even his fellow members started teasing him.

“Yunho, are you trying to be sneaky with those hints?” Wooyoung asked during one live, grinning mischievously.

“Hints? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yunho replied, his tone light but his smile betraying him.

“You’re so obvious,” Seonghwa added with a knowing smirk.

But Yunho didn’t care. He wasn’t trying to hide how he felt—he just wanted to take his time and let YN see that he wasn’t going anywhere.

The fans weren’t the only ones who noticed, though. YN’s members caught on too.

“Yunho’s really persistent, huh?” Yeji teased one day as they scrolled through comments under one of his interviews.

“I think it’s cute,” Wonyoung chimed in, grinning.

“More like annoying,” YN muttered, though the faint blush on her cheeks said otherwise.

Haneul smirked, nudging her. “You like the attention. Admit it.”

“I don’t,” YN said quickly, but her voice lacked conviction.

Despite her protests, YN couldn’t deny that Yunho’s endless effort was starting to chip away at the walls she’d built. His sincerity, his warmth, and his determination to make her feel cared for—it was something she hadn’t experienced before.

She wasn’t ready to fully let him in yet, but she found herself replying to his messages more often, even if it was just to tell him about her day or share a funny meme. And every time, Yunho’s responses were full of enthusiasm, as though he cherished every word she sent him.

Slowly but surely, Yunho was proving to her that he meant what he said—that he would take care of her, no matter what. And while YN was still hesitant, she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, she didn’t have to keep pushing him away.

One evening, Yunho went live, sitting comfortably in a hoodie, his radiant smile lighting up the screen. The live started like any other—him chatting with ATINY, answering questions, joking around, and sharing a bit about his day. But as the live went on, his tone shifted slightly, becoming more reflective.

“ATINY,” he began, leaning closer to the camera, his expression sincere. “You’ve been with me through so much—my ups, my downs, and everything in between. I’ve always felt your love and support, and it’s what keeps me going every day.”

The chat flooded with hearts and messages of encouragement.

He chuckled softly, scratching the back of his neck as if gathering his thoughts. “But there’s something I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m getting older, and I know that as idols, there’s this expectation... to focus only on our careers. To be... untouchable, in a way.”

The chat slowed down as fans sensed he was about to say something important.

“But I want to be honest with you,” Yunho continued, his voice steady but filled with emotion. “There may come a time when I fall in love with someone. I don’t know when, and I don’t know who, but when that happens, I hope you’ll love me no matter what. I’ve always wanted to give you my best, and I will continue to do that, but I also want to be true to myself.”

The chat exploded with messages of support.

“We’ll love you no matter what!”

“You deserve to be happy, Yunho!”

“ATINY will always stand by you!”

Yunho smiled softly, his eyes glistening slightly. “Thank you. That means more to me than I can say. I’ve been so lucky to have fans like you—people who understand that we’re human too, with dreams and emotions like anyone else.”

He hesitated for a moment, then added with a playful grin, “But don’t worry, ATINY. For now, I’m still all yours. Just... if the day ever comes, I hope you’ll support me the same way you always have.”

The live ended with Yunho thanking everyone and promising to work harder for ATINY.

Within minutes of the live ending, hashtags like #WeLoveYouYunho and #ATINYSupportsYunho trended worldwide on Twitter. Fans posted clips of his heartfelt speech, praising his honesty and maturity.

“Yunho deserves all the happiness in the world.”

“This is why we stan him—he’s so real and genuine.”

“No matter who he loves, ATINY will always be here!”

Even Yunho’s fellow members teased him afterward, showing him the trending hashtags. “Look at this,” Wooyoung said, laughing. “You’re literally trending everywhere.”

Yunho just smiled, feeling a sense of relief and gratitude. He didn’t know what the future held, but knowing ATINY had his back made him feel braver about whatever lay ahead—especially when it came to someone like YN.

A year after Yunho’s heartfelt live, the news that fans had been quietly speculating about finally broke. Dispatch, the notorious news outlet, published an exclusive article revealing that Yunho and YN were allegedly dating. The article included photos of the two of them together on several occasions, some taken during casual outings, others during events where they’d been seen talking closely, laughing, and even holding hands when they thought no one was looking.

The news spread like wildfire across social media, causing an immediate uproar. Fans were quick to react—some in shock, others in support, and a few, unfortunately, in anger. The inevitable backlash began to rise, fueled by certain fans who felt betrayed or disappointed that their favorite idols were in a relationship. They bombarded social media with their opinions, criticizing both Yunho and YN for being “unprofessional” or “disrespectful” to their fandoms. But what they hadn’t anticipated was the unwavering defense that came from both Yunho and YN’s fans.

ATINY, in particular, stood as a united front. The fanbase, known for their loyalty and dedication, came together like never before. Tweets flooded the timelines, filled with messages like:

“Yunho deserves love just like anyone else! #WeLoveYouYunho” “YN is amazing, and they make each other happy. Why can’t we just support them? #WeSupportYNandYunho” “Love isn’t a crime. Let them be happy. #ATINYSUPPORTSYNANDYUNHO”

The hashtag #YNandYunho began trending worldwide, and posts defending the couple filled every social platform. ATINY showed their devotion not only to Yunho but also to YN, who was just as much a target of the hate. Elysium’s fandom, although smaller, also rallied behind their idol, and soon, the combined power of both fanbases made the negative voices seem like a distant echo.

Even YN, who had always been known for her more private nature, made a statement on her social media:

“To all the people spreading hate, I just want to say that I’m happy. Yunho is someone I care about deeply, and we’re both doing our best to navigate this world as we see fit. I hope you can respect our privacy and our decisions. Thank you to everyone who has supported us with kindness. We see you, and we appreciate you.”

Yunho, too, shared his thoughts:

“Thank you to ATINY for always having my back. I know this might be a lot for some people to understand, but YN and I are happy, and we’re just two people who care about each other. We hope you can support us as we continue to work hard for you. Love is love.”

The company quickly addressed the situation as well, confirming the dating rumors. They emphasized that both Yunho and YN were adults who were fully aware of the impact of their relationship and the responsibility that came with their public lives. The statement also reassured fans that their careers and work ethics would remain unaffected, and they would continue to put their best foot forward in everything they did.

Despite the hate, the overwhelming support from fans made it clear that they were not alone. The strength of ATINY and Elysium’s support made Yunho and YN’s bond feel more solid than ever. And while the situation was far from perfect, it showed that love—true love—could thrive even in the world of K-pop, where idols are often seen as untouchable. Together, they navigated the challenges that came their way, knowing that the people who mattered most—each other and their loyal fans—had their backs no matter what.

YN, as always, found herself overthinking everything. The moment the rumors broke, she spiraled into a sea of doubts. The backlash wasn’t easy to ignore—she could see the comments, the subtle whispers, and the hate that was beginning to flood social media. Despite the overwhelming support, the negativity seemed to weigh heavily on her heart.

She constantly found herself checking her phone, replaying every moment, every interaction with Yunho, wondering if it was all worth it. Was she just dragging him into the chaos of her own life? Could she really handle being in the spotlight like this? Was it fair to Yunho?

Her mind raced as the pressure mounted. What if things didn’t work out? What if the hate only grew stronger? And what if it affected his career, his image, his future?

“YN?” Yunho’s voice cut through her spiraling thoughts. He’d noticed how distant she’d been recently.

She looked up at him, her eyes tired and full of uncertainty. “Yunho… I just… I don’t know how to handle all this. It feels too overwhelming. What if—”

Before she could finish, Yunho pulled her into his arms, his warmth surrounding her like a protective shield. “Hey, listen to me. You don’t have to handle it alone. I’m here. We’re in this together. And if anyone hurts you, I swear I’ll take care of it.”

YN shook her head, pulling back slightly. “I don’t want you to do anything drastic, Yunho. You can’t just fix everything with threats. We can’t handle it that way.”

He sighed, a little frustrated but understanding. “But if it were up to me, I’d sue anyone who dares to disrespect you. They’ll learn that no one gets to hurt the people I care about.”

YN laughed, despite herself, shaking her head. “Yunho, please. You can’t go around suing people because they say something rude. That’s not how it works.”

But Yunho wasn’t ready to back down. He reached for her hand, his gaze firm. “I’ll do a live. I’ll threaten them, make it clear that anyone who hurts you will face consequences. I’ll make them understand, YN.”

YN looked at him, her heart swelling at the sight of how much he cared for her. But as much as she appreciated his protective instinct, she knew it wasn’t the solution. “You don’t have to fight my battles for me,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I can’t let you do that. Please don’t. I don’t want anyone to think you’re only with me because you’re trying to fix things.”

He looked at her with unwavering determination, but she could see the understanding in his eyes. “I just want to protect you, YN. I care about you so much.”

“I know,” she whispered, her heart aching. “I care about you, too. But we have to be strong together. Not because of what they say, but because of how we feel.”

Yunho’s expression softened, his arms wrapping around her again. “I love you, YN. No matter what, I’ll love you. And I’ll stand by you through all of it—good or bad.”

YN closed her eyes, leaning into his embrace, feeling the warmth of his love and support. She knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy. There would be days when the world seemed too harsh, when the hate would feel unbearable. But with Yunho by her side, she knew she wasn’t facing it alone. He was her strength, and she was his.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Thank you for loving me.”

“I’ll always love you,” Yunho said, his voice full of quiet confidence. “No matter what.”

And despite the uncertainty that still lingered, YN felt a flicker of peace. With Yunho, they could handle whatever came their way. Together.

The days that followed were still filled with challenges, but something about their bond made everything seem a little lighter. Yunho and YN grew closer, their moments together filled with laughter and quiet comfort. The hate that once surrounded them felt distant, as the love and support from their fans only seemed to grow stronger.

On the rare days when they had time off, they would meet up in small, cozy cafes or take walks in the park, just enjoying each other's company without the pressure of the world around them. Yunho would always find a way to make her smile, whether it was with his cheesy jokes or by simply holding her hand, offering her the kind of warmth that made her forget about everything else.

One evening, they sat together on a bench in a secluded park, the sunset painting the sky with soft pinks and oranges. Yunho rested his head on her shoulder, his hand gently intertwined with hers.

“You know,” he said softly, his voice filled with contentment, “I’m glad I didn’t back down when I first decided to love you. All of this… it’s worth it. You’re worth it.”

YN smiled, her heart swelling with emotion. “I’m glad you didn’t either. You’ve made everything feel a little less overwhelming, Yunho.”

He looked up at her, his eyes full of affection. “And you’ve made me believe that love is worth fighting for. That it’s worth all the risks. I’ll always be here for you, YN. Always.”

YN leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “I love you, Yunho.”

“I love you, too,” he whispered, his voice full of warmth and sincerity.

They stayed like that for a while, enjoying the peaceful silence, content in each other’s presence. No drama, no expectations—just the two of them, surrounded by the quiet beauty of the world and the unwavering certainty of their love. It was a love that had stood the test of everything that had been thrown their way. And, as they held each other close, they knew they were ready to face whatever came next—together, as they always had been.

And for once, everything felt right.

[maxdibert]

Lily doesn’t seem to think she’s done anything wrong by insulting his poverty and aligning herself with his abusers - only Severus is remorseful, and the trauma that caused him to lash out was considerably worse than the trauma that caused her to lash out. She believes he deserves it, as apparently she believed his abuse was amusing. And I’d be totally fine with this from a character perspective because it’s the teenage condition to be self-centred and poor at self-reflection. But the *narrative* (and the author in interviews) doesn’t believe Lily was in the wrong here. And it believes Lily made the correct moral judgment on the two boys when she casts Severus off for his crime and falls in love with James despite his. But I just don’t buy into that framing, and I didn’t even when I was 10. The use of the word ‘mudblood’ while in considerable distress is not a greater sin than sexual assault.

Lily feels no remorse, nor does she think it's wrong to half-smile at the bully who’s targeting your so-called friend. She doesn’t even consider that this might be why your supposed best friend insulted you in the first place. But here’s the thing: this isn't Lily's fault. It's J.K. Rowling's fault, and the way she portrays ethical dilemmas throughout the series, blurring the lines between what's morally right and wrong. Now, if you’ll allow me, before diving into the dynamics between Lily and Severus, I’d like to provide some context as to why I believe the biggest issue with many of the characters’ attitudes in the series lies in Rowling’s constant attempt to project her own moral compass through her writing. In doing so, she falls into repeated inconsistencies and creates a narrative that’s all over the place when it comes to how certain characters are treated.

Rowling is never consistent. She portrays Draco Malfoy as an irredeemable, terrible character because he’s a rich kid spoiled by his parents, using his power and influence to bully those weaker than him. Yet, she gives James the benefit of the doubt, even though he behaved exactly the same way: a rich bully who used his status and his friends to gang up on the vulnerable. From early interviews, Rowling claimed Pansy Parkinson is practically the reincarnation of Satan, even though, of all the antagonists, Pansy is probably one of the least relevant and harmless. This is simply because Rowling projected onto her the stereotypical “mean girls” who mock those who read and study—something Rowling clearly couldn’t stand. On the other hand, she glorifies characters like Ginny, who has a pretty nasty attitude towards any girl she doesn’t consider cool or "not like the other girls." Ginny treats Fleur like a witch when Fleur has done nothing wrong—her only crime is being incredibly beautiful, knowing it, and not constantly apologizing for it. And this treatment of female characters throughout the series deserves a proper gendered critique, because they fall into every stereotype and archetype set by the traditional male gaze.

In Rowling's world, there are always two kinds of women. When it comes to younger, adolescent characters, there are the "good" women—those who don’t fit the typical feminine mold, the weird ones (like Luna), the tomboys who are “one of the guys” (like Ginny), or the overly studious ones who don’t have time for frivolous things like reading magazines or talking about boys (like Hermione). In other words, the cool girls, the ones who are supposed to be role models, are those who "aren’t like the other girls." But not because they’re deconstructing gender roles consciously—they just happen to embody the fantasy of the woman who can give you kids while still being one of your bros. It’s a common male fantasy, where women abandon the graceful, ethereal, delicate image to fit into a set of needs the modern man has. These are "manic pixie dream girls," hiding a deeply internalized misogyny as they are presented as individuals opposed to the “other” women—the “other” being less cool because they lack traditionally masculine traits, and thus are less than. We see this not only with how Fleur is treated but also with the disdain or prejudice Hermione shows towards girls like Lavender or the Patil sisters, just because they act like normal teenagers instead of validating themselves through academia to compensate for their inferiority complex (cough, cough).

Then we have the adult female characters, where Rowling’s toxic and incredibly conservative view of motherhood kicks in. Except for McGonagall, the rest of the adult women who are seen in a positive light are either already mothers or end up becoming mothers. And for them, motherhood is everything. They are mothers first and women second, in every case. Lily is Harry’s mother, who sacrifices herself for him. Molly is the Weasley matriarch, whose entire life revolves around her kids—she hasn’t even looked for a job (which wouldn’t be a bad idea, considering the family’s financial situation), nor does she have any aspirations beyond knitting sweaters and worrying about her children. Even Narcissa, a negative character throughout most of the saga, earns her redemption solely because she loves her son and is willing to risk everything for him. Nymphadora Tonks, a 25-year-old woman, ends up pregnant by a man 13 years older than her and goes from being an independent Auror with her own life to a passive housewife waiting for her man, who is off having an existential crisis. The adult women in the saga aren’t independent individuals—they’re extensions of their children. And any woman who isn’t a perfect, self-sacrificing mother (like Merope Gaunt) is either a psychopath or portrayed as a terrible person.

What I’m getting at is that Rowling is far from impartial in the moral narrative of the story. In fact, she’s absolutely inconsistent. She presents characters she sells as "good," whose attitudes are absolute trash, yet she continues to insist that they’re good and perfect. This is especially obvious with her female characters, because throughout the seven books, she constantly emphasizes her ideal of the "perfect woman" in terms of tastes, motivations, and behavior. Hermione is a self-insert, Ginny is probably a projection of who Rowling wishes she could’ve been, and Luna is the quirky girl who isn’t “threatening” to other women, and is treated with a condescending, paternalistic lens. They are either Rowling’s aspirational figures or archetypes that don’t bother her, or they’re reduced to filler characters who are mistreated by the narrative.

When it comes to Lily, the problem is that Rowling spends half the saga painting her as some kind of Mother Teresa. She’s the quintessence of motherhood—but not a conscious, modern motherhood, but one rooted in traditional Judeo-Christian ideals. This is the kind of motherhood that can do no wrong, the one that represents women because, in this view, a woman can’t be fulfilled unless she’s a mother. Lily dies for her son, and that love creates a divine, protective magic. She’s beautiful, popular, and one of the most popular guys at school is after her. Clearly, she must be a saint, because everyone describes her as such. And while the narrative does question James’s perfection, even if vaguely and unsuccessfully, it doesn’t do the same with Lily. Harry questions his father’s actions but never his mother’s. He never stops to think about how problematic it is that his mother almost laughed at Severus or refused to hear his apology, or that she couldn’t empathize with what he was going through, knowing full well the kind of situation Severus had at home. When a narrative tells you something but never shows it, and worse, never questions it, that’s a problem. Something doesn’t add up. Rowling is obsessed with showing her own moral line through her characters and doesn’t realize how incoherent it is to portray Lily as someone who always does the right thing when what we actually see of her suggests that, if she really liked James all along, not only is she a hypocrite, but she’s also quite superficial with questionable principles. But this is never addressed, never explored. It would be fascinating if it were, giving the character more depth and making her more relatable. But Rowling brushes all this aside, as she does with so many other things, because to her, Lily was a role model, despite the fact that anyone with common sense can see she was just a terrible friend who got tired of justifying why she hung out with a poor, scruffy kid and ultimately decided it made more sense to date the rich, handsome bully.

[wynn-43]

raindrops like a melody

(tw: death) posting this in honour of my uncle who passed away this morning. he always supported me in my love for reading and writing (including fanfics lol) and i will never forget the joy he has brought me.

this was originally going to be longer, but i wanted to post it now so there will probably be a part 2!

part 2 - whispers like a song

bang chan x gn!reader wc: 1447 warnings: mentions of mental health issues, suggestive, bang chan is refered to as chris

You wake up to the sound of rain drumming against the window, accompanied by thunder in the distance. The soft taps of raindrops falling against the glass are rhythmic and almost lyrical in their pattern, while the soft rumble of thunder offers a calming instrumental backing.

You feel your boyfriend's warm arms around you, holding you tight. His hold is firm yet soft, loving and warm, as if he was shielding you, protecting you from the world. Your head is gently nuzzled into his neck, your bare torsos pressed together, sharing each other's warmth, with your legs intertwined.

As you open your eyes you notice the room is bathed in a grey-blue light, casting a soft and enchanting ambiance. You look up to see your boyfriend, Chris, sleeping peacefully, with his soft lips slightly parted and curly black hair tousled from sleep. his usual snores are gently drowned out by the storm, but with how close you two are you can still faintly hear them.

As your mind slowly wakes up, you find yourself staring at him, taking all of him in, mentally tracing his faint freckles. The delicate curve of his cheekbones complements his defined jawline and the smooth slope of his nose, creating a perfect balance of charm and beauty. His slight, barely noticeable smile lines tell the stories of the countless times he'd laughed with you and the kids. Whereas the soft glow of his lightly tanned skin gave him a youthful and almost ethereal radiance.

As you stare at him you find yourself genuinely wondering how you got so lucky. He was beautiful, not only outside but in. 

He was so soft and gentle with you, even when you felt broken. His patience unwavering even when your jagged shards sliced him as he held you, gently piecing you back together as one would mend a broken vase with kintsugi. His love was patient and kind, steadfast against your tempest of trauma and broken parts, never faltering despite the weight you carried. you were of course there in return - holding him late at night when he couldn't sleep, or was too scared to. Gently offering him food and water when he was working late at night. Cradling him when his facade broke and he crumbled into your arms. But sometimes you felt like it wasn't enough, like you weren't enough.

Just as you felt yourself spiralling and tears pricking your eyes you noticed that Chris was looking at you. his gentle brown eyes looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky. There was so much love and adoration in his eyes that you felt like you might explode.

"Morning baby" he says, his morning voice sending a chill down your spine as he somehow nuzzles closer to you, pressing soft kisses to your neck.

"Morning sweetheart" you hum, giggling as he smiles into your neck. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good actually, I feel rested" he mumbles as he continues his soft kisses along your shoulder. "What time's it?"

You lean back in search of your phone, giggling as he tries to cling to you like a cuddly koala.

You lean back, phone in hand, wrapping your arms around him, his face now pressed against your chest.

"8:43," you smile, patting his soft hair.

He hums, the vibrations making you giggle.

He looks up at you, his chin resting on your chest. "I'm so glad I have the next few days off, I've missed spending time with you." His face softens before growing more serious. "I’m sorry I’m always busy with work, I feel like I'm not here for you enough."

Your eyes widen in surprise. "Really? I was just thinking that I'm not here for you enough."

He shifts up, propping himself up on his elbow. "Baby what? You're always here for me."

"Yeah but…  you're always looking after me, loving me and I just feel like I don't do enough..." you trail off, avoiding his eyes.

“Lovebug,” he murmurs, his hand cupping your cheek as he gently turns your face toward his, “you do more for me than you could ever know.”

His thumb brushes your cheek softly. “You’re always there for me—making sure I’m okay, holding me when I’m not. You’re patient, supportive, and so incredibly loving. Even when I’m away for weeks, you welcome me home with open arms… and a delicious home-cooked meal.” A small, affectionate smile tugs at his lips. “You’re always taking care of me. You’re perfect.”

The look of overwhelming love and adoration in his eyes catches you off guard, tears welling up before you can stop them.

"I love you so much" you whisper, trying not to cry.

"I love you too sweetheart" he responds, pressing a soft but passionate kiss to your lips. 

You pout as he pulls away, making him chuckle as he sees the look in your eyes. His grin lingers as he leans back in, kissing you now with a slow intensity, as though he’s trying to pour every ounce of his love and adoration for you through his touch.

You run your fingers through his soft hair, mesmerised by the silky strands. You lean back, gasping for breath. You make brief eye contact, giggling at his dopey smile before something catches your attention.

You suddenly burst into a fit of giggles, laughing even harder at his confused expression.

“What? Whatttt??” He asks.

“Your hair! You look so cute!” You manage to get out in a fit of giggles, causing him to open his phone camera to see.

Your cackling only intensifies as his expression morphs to sheer shock.

“What did you do to my hair?” He asks, flabbergasted. His face turns an adorable shade of red as he shoves his face into a pillow, the fabric barely muffling his giggles.

“Nooo. Don’t hide! You look adorable!” You giggle, prying the pillow out of his hands.

His face is an intense shade of red and he lets out a dramatic whine. “AHH” He groans, hiding his face in his hands and rolling away from you onto his back. You follow him, sitting on his lap as you try to remove his hands.

“Stoppp” He protests, giggling at your antics.

You somehow manage to grab his hands and pin them at his sides before immediately giggling and attacking his flushed face with kisses.

“You,” you begin, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Are,” you continue, planting another on his forehead. “So,” you murmur, kissing his other cheek. “Fucking,” you add, brushing your lips against the bridge of his nose. “Adorable.” You kiss the tip of his nose, grinning as his soft giggles fill the room.

“And I,” you say, punctuating each word with kisses to both of his flushed cheeks, “love”—a kiss to one side of his jaw—“you,” a kiss to the other side. “So much.”

Finally, you press a gentle kiss to his lips, laughing as he tries to chase you when you pull back.

“And I think your hair is adorable.” You smile, moving to hold his face between your hands, pressing another kiss to his lips. 

This time, when you try to pull away, his hands find your neck and waist, holding you firmly but gently as he pulls you closer, deepening the kiss with a grin that sends your heart racing.

･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

You don’t know how long you stay there, with you practically draped upon him as you softly make out, the two of you giggling at each other anytime you pause for breath.

Soon, you’re laying there, your head resting upon his chest as the rhythms of your hearts and breathing sync.

“We should get up.” Chris hums, his voice a soft rumble.

“Mm, what time is it?” You ask, looking up at him.

“11.” He says after looking at his phone, giggling when your eyes widen in shock.

“We need to get up! I haven’t even had breakfast and it’s already lunchtime” you begin rambling, springing up to exit the bed.

You’re quickly cut off by hands snaking around your waist, pulling you back and kissing you again before leaning back and giggling at your shock filled expression.

“What-” you start, only to trail off as you blush. Flustered, you hide your face in his neck, making him giggle even more.

“Just needed one more kiss.” He murmured into your ear before quickly pressing a kiss against the side of your head.

Without warning, he hops off the bed,  leaving you distraught over the loss of warmth. “So…” He starts, fumbling with the waistband of his sweatpants as he puts them on.

“Pancakes?” He asks as he holds his hand out to you.

This is a work of fiction, based entirely on my personal perception of him, and does not reflect his actual character or actions.

[emojellyace08]

Hiii! I love the way you write and I was wondering if I could make a request (only if you want)

So how about the lookism boys reaction to an extremely beautiful and ethereal fem!reader who is like so feminine and ethereal she looks like a princess from a fairytale and even animals love her??

Anyways remember to stay safe and healthy!!

Lookism Men x Stunning Fem! Reader

Hiii Thanks for the request @jejegilipollas! This kind of reminds me of a Disney Princess reader! I'll be doing headcannons for almost every Lookism Men so I wouldn't leave out who you actually simp for xD. And remember all of us are really pretty in our on ways and we're all equal. And stay safe and healthy too! Warnings: insecurities, mentions of trauma, mature themes for the bottom/second part Genre: fluff ☁️ angst 🥀, slight lemon/smut 🍋 slight crack (comedy)🧨 ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

Daniel Park/Jay Hong/Zack Lee/Vasco/Eli Jang/Warren Chae/Jerry Kwon/Johan Seong/Jake Kim/Sinu Han/Duke Pyeon/Jace Park/Line Man/Brad Lee/Jiho Park/Magami Kenta/Young Jinyoung Park/Young Gapryong Kim/Jichang Kwak/Taesoo Ma/Xiaoleoung/Jihan Kwak/Jibeom Kwak/Yuseong

He doesn't really prioritize having a "Goddess or too good to be true looking girlfriend" since he already has lots of trauma and he's been really stressful lately. So having a dependable, trust-worthy, and helpful partner is enough for him.

But when he saw you, a transferee student/staff on his school/working place he couldn't stop staring at you. He may look like a creep so when you turn in his direction, so he'll look away pretty fast. But you took notice of this and knowing your friendly personality and warm vibes, you thought befriending him isn't a bad idea.

So when you approached him, he couldn't help but to blush and be awkward around you. He thinks that you're too good for him and he's out of your league. Your smart, pretty, kind, you name it. Because of his insecurities getting in his way, he doesn't really know if he even deserves to stay beside you. But after getting to know you better, you're not really a judgmental person and you're always staying beside him even when things aren't really going well for him. So he really learned how to trust you more.

He's also the type to innocently admire your beauty. He'll definitely shower you with lots of pure compliments! "Hi Y/N!" "Oh hello." you greeted him back with a soft voice as he noticed your hair tied in a different hair style since you often let your hair be loose down. "Your hair looks pretty today." he complimented you while rubbing his nape feeling shy. "Oh really? Thank you!" you smiled back at him, you've been feeling down lately because of your pretty privilege making you insecure. But his compliments just makes your day better. "Yeah, no problem."

You may not know it but it's obvious that he's an animal lover. And he always adopts or feed stray pups and kittens who either lost their way or have gotten abandoned by their animal parent or owner. So you asked him about this and he seems pretty flustered when you brought about the topic and you couldn't help but to giggle at his reaction. Oh God, your voice sounds so pretty. He really can't help but to admire you even more. He just really can't help but to compliment you a lot though you can hear the shy and bashful tone beneath his voice.

So when you're walking home after school/work, you saw a little kitten crying near the road. You decided to gently approach the animal since it can get hurt by a vehicle if you just let it be. You called for it's attention with a sweet voice. And unexpectedly, the cute furball didn't hesitate to rub her body on your leg making you chuckle. "You found a stray kitten?" you heard a familiar voice as you turned around to see that it's just him making you sigh. "Jesus, you scared me" you replied back as he softly chuckled and squatted down beside you making sure that he wouldn't scare the kitten away. "Shh, don't worry little one he's a nice guy" you cooed as he was shocked at your statement. Him? A nice guy? He couldn't help but frown thinking about the things he have done and the names people called him. He feels like you're too good for him, yet you're like a fire in a cold snowy weather. It may seems like your warm feeling can hurt him, but it's in fact the opposite. You made him feel, what's the word. Relaxed? Comfortable? He doesn't really know as he couldn't stay away from you no matter how many times he tried.

"So umm..." "Yes?" you asked him in a sweet tone as he tried completing his sentence, he couldn't help but stutter since he's been hiding his true feelings for you for a long time now. "I have pet food on my house, would you mind if we take her home?" he requested as your eyes sparkled. "Really? Sure! I was also planning to buy her food since it looks like she hasn't been fed for days." "Okay, but do you think you can carry her? Stray cats may have rabies if you got bitten y'know" he reminded you as you chuckled once again. "Don't worry. She let me touch her and it seems like she's getting used with my presence" "Sure. Let's go now" he stood up as you picked the little kitty on your warm arms. "So what will you name her?" he asked on his way home as you followed next to him. "Meowy!" (Chainsaw Man reference lol) "Meowy?" "Yeah. I couldn't think of a cool name. And when I saw her she didn't even hesitate to greet me, so I think Meowy will be her name" you stated as he can still see the light behind your eyes (MCR reference lol) as you petted the animal already felling asleep. He smiled at you as he thought how not only how beautiful you are, you also have a good heart. "Meowy is a pretty name. You should keep it" he replied back as you smiled at him and continued to thank him for helping you out on taking care of the little kitten. Can he just enjoy this moment with you? He have forgotten the danger outside the world as he has the desire to protect you. You really are his sunshine.

Gun Park/Samuel Seo/James Lee or DG/Magami Kenta/Hudson Ahn/Vin Ho Bin(Vin Jin)/Cheong Taejin/Mandeok/Olly Wang/Jiho Park (villain arc)

For the most part, he's not the type to be looking for a date unlike the others. He's not a hopeless romantic.

Though if he founds someone attractive he can't help himself to do the fling with them, releasing his stress on someone while making himself feel good. Yep, he's only fucking someone just so he can pleasure himself. Nothing more and nothing less.

But he can't help but to curious the moment he laid his eyes on you. You're cute to be honest, he won't deny that. You look and act so fragile, innocent most likely. You're also very gentle, sweet and passionate. Contrasting his wild and bold side. He's like a wild animal. He's harsh, aggressive and cold. He never has the desire to be involved on a romantic relationship. He finds the idea of it cringy to be honest. He finds it making him vulnerable. And he finds the idea of having a soft spot on someone well what's the word, to be honest he can't put words on the idea of it.

He does wonder sometimes if he actually lived a decent life, but that doesn't mean that he has regrets of becoming who he is today. He's strong and he can handle things on his own which makes him proud of himself. But hearing it from you and showering him with pure and genuine compliments sounds and feel very different. "Wow! You're so cool and strong!" you stated as your eyes sparkled like little stars on the dark, starry night. He smirked at this, he must admit that you look so innocent and if you continued to act like this, he wouldn't hesitate to give you a kiss if he's more affectionate. "Well I know" he simply replied. Thinking about this moments make his head ache and his stomach grumble. It's not because he's sick, but is it because of what most called butterflies? He chuckled at the thought of it. It's useless. He doesn't need anybody let alone a girl, but he'll often look for your presence when you and him are away for each other even if it's not a very long time.

And it makes him wonder why do you always stay on his side. You and him are too different. You actually lived a decent and peaceful life with a healthy environment, unlike him who's always surrounded by thugs and who's often obsessed with money, power, drugs, alcohol and sex. As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he does like you. That's why he's always pushing you away. He doesn't want you to get hurt. And he'll definitely kicked someone's ass if they ever tried to lay their hands on you.

"Hey," he called for your attention as you looked at him with those doe-like eyes. His voice sounds a bit harsh and demanding, but after getting to know him better and getting close to him you know that he's just like that to everybody. And you know that he actually doesn't mean it to be like that. "Yes?" you asked him softly as he made eye-contact. "Why do you always stay next to me?" he asked curiously as it made you slightly upset to be honest. Does he think of you as a burden? Are you annoying? Well despite you always getting compliments from other people about how you look like a princess or Goddess that popped on a fairy tail and given life, you're actually insecure about yourself. Your gentle and feminine side can be annoying to some. You can't help but to feel like a little child that always needed to be protected and taken care of. And you often cared too much about others making you a people pleaser. "What do you mean?" you chuckled trying to hide your distress but he took notice of this. He doesn't mean to be rude, he sighed as he reconstructed his statement since you misunderstood it in the wrong way. "I mean, why do you stay beside me? You can get hurt you know?" he stated as your eyes sparkled once again. "Ahh, you mean in that way?" "Yeah." "Well, because you're really nice!" you honestly answered as he was shocked by your response. Really? Most people viewed him as an asshole for beating them up for his work. "You're joking right?" "Why do you think I'm joking? You're strong, kind well in some times, and you actually protected me when I need help." you smiled at him once again as he looked from a different direction trying to hide his blush. So far, that's the most genuine compliment he got from someone else.

And he also took notice of how gentle you are with animals. Not only you help out other people, but also those street kittens and pups that randomly pop up on streets. He just finds owning a pet a bit stressful since he already has lots of responsibility in his shoulders. "PLEASE CAN WE ADOPT HIM!" you pleaded as you cling on his arms making him groan. "No." "WHY!" "Well, I can't take care of it and I don't want to." he answered honestly but in a brutal way making you frown. If you have dog ears right now it will droop down and your eyes got bigger again like you're about to cry. "Please? I'll take care of it..." you put your hands together begging as he stares at you. He honestly find it cringy since he doesn't know if you're doing that on purpose or if you're just too soft. Not being able to stop you, he sighed. "Fine, but don't ask me to be his babysitter." he looked away as you smiled once again. "C'mon just tell me that you also find him cute!" "Shut up..." he may sound rude, but you can see that little smirk forming on his lips.

Goo Kim/Jake Kim/Kuroda Ryuhei/Yoojin/Sinu Han

This men will be a 100% simp for you (especially Goo and Ryuhei). He just founds you really hot, cute and pretty! Well you name it.

In some levels, they do care about their partner's appearance (remember having preferences are not bad ladies and gentle man). But they actually do not belittle others who are not their taste especially women since for the most part. He's a gentleman (or he tries to be).

To be honest, they're just secretly horny lmao. Remember they're still men so having a partner with a beautiful face and body just makes him worked up. Like, you don't have a right to be this pretty (he just praises you at this point).

But he does know deep inside that looks are not just a fundamental in having a partner. He does care about personality. He just honestly can't stand women who looks hot but just acts annoying and bitchy most of the time. It turns him off the most. But meeting you is one of the best blessing he have. Not only you look like a deity, but you also act like one. He just thought you're an angel who fell from the sky, in this hellish place called Earth. Did God sent you for him? Is life not finally being an ass to him? Who knows.

He'll also compliment you 24/7. Like his mouth just wouldn't stop talking about you. Like, in some levels you kind of find it annoying especially if you're the quiet one. You also probably thought at first that he's a perv but he's just being honest and appreciative! So you just brushed it off and you actually started appreciating his comments about you since it's not harming you in anyways. In fact it also boosts your confidence even more. "Y/N do you know how pretty you are?" he teased just to get a reaction out of you (and he also likes making you smile H:LKHDL:KHAL:KFH:LDKHA) "Of course I do" you smirked as you played along with him. "Well you actually look like a koala" "HEY THAT'S RUDE!" you stated as he laughed at your reaction "BUT KOALAS ARE CUTE!".

He also finds it adorable when you adopt stray animals. He just finds you "waifu material" girl. He also fantasizes about adopting 5 kittens or puppies with you and living on a peaceful and small town. You know, just the normal couple living their best life. Though he wouldn't be open about it since he finds it lowkey embarrassing lmao. "BABE! I FOUND A KITTEN ON A STREET!" "C'mon Y/N it's the fifth time you adopted a cat. Are you making an orphanage out of animals?" he teased as your kitten named Pebbles cling into him like a toddler begging for his dad's attention. "Please? I already have a name for her" you pleaded as he sighed knowing that he can't stop your motherly behavior with animals and besides he finds the cat cute too, it's a pure white kitten with blue sapphire like eyes. "What's her name though?" he asked curiously as you smiled and named the cat Snow. "Why won't you name her Elsa?" "C'mon love you make too much jokes." you sighed trying not to laugh as he chuckled at your reaction. "I'm just kidding, besides Snow's a really fitting name." he gently picked the cat on your arms and petting it. He just finds you daring. You're more than just your looks and he finds that fascinating :3.

A/N: I hope you really like it! It's kind of rushed yet late lmao. And I'm more of a cat person than a dog person but I still hoped you liked it!

[midnight-fables]

Entry 8: FM Static

Bearblr Promptober Day 8: Autumn Leaves

Summary: In which Carmen has a panic attack in front of his girlfriend for the first time.

Warnings: Panic attack, swearing, trouble breathing, mentions of vomiting, written with fem reader who is a trauma surgeon (nothing gross described) in mind, she/her pronouns.

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Reblogs appreciated. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list.

GIF by @hotch-girl

08 Oct 2024

The wind sounds different through autumn leaves.

It’s high pitched, crisper. Bit like an out-of-tune radio. Less an adagio, more an allegro. The skittering sound they make as they somersault across the sidewalk has quickly become one of my favorites to pick out among street noise, so much so that I’ve begun walking home without headphones in, something my girl isn’t thrilled about because car horns and sirens will fuck up your hearing pretty bad. But it’s just for the fall, while the leaves are crunchy and tumbling around. Not like a kitchen is a quiet place to work, either.

She tucked my hair behind my ear.

“I’d love to know what you’re smiling about, sweetheart,” she said.

“Just. Sound of the leaves,” I said, gesturing to the few cartwheeling across the trail in front of us.

We were taking a walk in the park near my apartment on a Sunday morning, before it got too busy. She does this thing where she hugs my arm and intertwines our fingers while we’re out. At first, I thought it was to stop my nervous fidgeting, but she likes tracing her thumb back and forth over the inside of my wrist, over the scar on my palm, so I think it’s sort of her form of nervous fidgeting, you know?

“Yeah?”

I could hear her smiling.

“Does it help at the restaurant, sweetheart?”

“Finding sounds to focus on?”

“Mmhm.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t know? I-I still get really wound up. I still forget to breathe. Sometimes, it feels like my stomach is turning inside out. Sometimes, it feels like I’m going to explode, but I don’t, but then I hurl after service.”

Her eyebrows crinkled together. “Oh. Oh, honey, that sounds terrible.”

I nodded, tried to say something about the leaves to keep the conversation moving, but the words got caught in my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut. Wriggled my hand out of her grasp to press my palms to my cheekbones as the sights and sounds of the kitchen invaded. Doors. A dropped plate. Refire these steaks, 8 minutes behind, get the fuck back to work, call outs, chefs, keep the pace up, every second counts. My chest tightened, throat killed, head swam, and the leaves—they sounded too far away. And it was too warm, it was always too fucking warm. Pressure on my shoulders that I yielded to. Someone was talking to me, who the fuck was trying to talk to me?

“…can hear me, you’re in the park,” she murmured. “You’re not at work, sweetheart. It’s Sunday, you’re taking a walk in the park.”

Something about her voice didn’t seem real, okay? It was this ethereal, weightless thing, not because of its pitch or volume, but because of how effortlessly it flowed. It existed separate from the grimy, gritty, loud, bright, boiling world, from my dry and oily skin, from the callouses on my hands from the knives, from the jagged pain that threatened to burst through my spine. It was somewhere else. She was from somewhere else. My sky would fall on her. I was the other shoe.

This is where she leaves, right?

Cold hands clamped around my wrists. “Carmen? Carmen, baby, you’re not breathing. I need you to breathe.”

That prompted me to empty my lungs and heave for air. My heart pounded so hard, I was convinced she could see it, my head spun, I couldn’t seem to get enough air in, it was a million degrees, my teeth hurt. She pried my hands back, something rough and papery hit my fingers.

“Can you tell me what that feels like, Carmen?”

“Don’t call me that, Nat!” It hissed out between my teeth before I could stop it. A vice clamped on my throat, and then I couldn’t breathe. Fuck. Why couldn’t I breathe? Why was the world still dark? Where the fuck even was I?

Hands sized my jacket lapels and shook me. “Breathe!”

I gasped for air.

“Good. Good. Keep breathing, sweetheart.” Something dull and cold on my chest. Her hand? “You’re okay. You’re okay, I promise. You’re safe.” The papery thing touched my hand again. “Keep breathing. There you go.”

It hit me that I’d just had a panic attack in front of her, and my stomach flipped. She kept the thing pressed against my hand while also rubbing circles over my chest. I pinched it between my fingers. Tried to. My hands were trembling so bad that I couldn’t tell if I was holding it or if she was. Some kind of a ridge. Another. Another.

“Uh, ridges?” Fuck me, I sounded like I was about to cry.

It took her a second to respond. “Mmhm. Ridges. What else can you feel?”

I felt along the edges. Skittering sound of the wind blurred into my periphery. “It’s a maple leaf.”

“Mmhm.”

It snapped when I bent a lobe of the leaf. Disintegrated into nothing when I rubbed it between my fingers. I blinked my eyes open, squinted against daylight. Then realized the ground took up too much of my view. How long had I been crouched on the gravel?

“S-sorry. Sorry. Shit, um…” Where. The fuck. Are my words?

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m-I’m-I’m getting better, I promise.”

“I believe you.” She finger-combed my hair off my forehead. “Do you want to take your jacket off for a few minutes? You’re really warm.”

Yeah. Yeah, that was a good idea. I hauled myself up, she followed, I shrugged off my jacket, cold air slammed into me like a physical thing because I was sweaty, and, as if abruptly awoken by my alarm, the rest of the world snapped into focus. Distant traffic, arguing birds, a barking dog, conversations that I couldn’t make out, solid ground, frozen spots on the backs of my shoulders, my sides, singing of a wind chime. FM static from the leaves. I needed to hold her? Don’t know what came over me, but I needed to hold her, and it took her by surprise because she made a cute little squeak when I pulled her in for a hug. She smoothed her hands over my back, pressed a kiss to my neck. Her nose was cold.

“Do you feel like talking about it?”

“No.” I responded too fast. “No, I’m-I’m gonna freak out again.”

She kissed my shoulder. Swayed me gently. “That’s okay. Maybe we try decompressing for now, hm?”

I nodded. Turned the broken leaf over and over in my fingers as she held me.

“Um, tell me a story?”

Another kiss to my shoulder. “What kind of story do you want to hear?”

“Um. I don’t know, something that makes you happy.” It still came out sounding like a question.

She drummed her fingers along my back for a few long moments while she hunted for one. “So, my mom has this dog, right?”

“Mmhm.”

“She’s a rescue, so we don’t know what breed she is, but she’s tiny. Minuscule. She’s like 8 pounds soaking wet, right?”

“Wow. Really tiny.” I watched some leaves flip around as they blew by.

“She loves the fall because, uh, my mom will rake up the leaves in the backyard into this big pile.” She wandered a cold hand into my hair, and my eyes drifted closed. Fuck, it felt good. “And she has to go barreling full speed into the pile,”—I started laughing—“like not jumping into it, she just sprints through it, and they go flying. And she’ll just do that over and over and over again, having the time of her life. And then my mom will rake them back into a pile the next day, and off she goes. It is. So fun to watch.”

“It does sound fun.” I squeezed her tighter, almost felt like we couldn’t be close enough, almost like I needed her hands on my skin. Maybe she understood, because moved her hands to either side of my neck. Stroked my throat with her thumb.

She pulled back enough to meet my gaze. “You’ll have to visit her, yeah? See Cookie running through the leaves.”

“The dog’s name is Cookie?”

“Yes. She’s teeny and she’s got sandy colored fur with some brown spots like a chocolate chip cookie. So, we named her Cookie.” She kissed my forehead. “My mom’s cool. Promise. But feel free to mull it over.”

I nodded.

Tried not to think about what meeting her mother meant for us because if I did, then it meant something horrible would follow. It always did.

[kissitbttr]

kiss it, kiss it better, baby

☆ ghost is insecure with the way he looks, but you’re there to help him realize he’s pretty ☆

pairing is with fem!reader

-

first thing you had learned about simon is how much of a closed off person he is. to the point where he shuts almost everyone out except his colleagues.

so when he first met you, he had no expectations whatsoever. sure, he thought you were breathtaking. ethereal even. the first thought when he saw you walked into the room for the first time is ‘how could God let His prettiest angel roam around free on earth? why had he not have any desire to protect you?’

your aura and smile is enough to make his knees wobbly. the sound of your laugh makes his lips twitch into a genuine smile. almost.

and he’s trying to figure out why your presence is making him turn into a puddle.

but he’s been there before. manipulated by soft and delicate looking people only for them to be a complete different person once he gets a little too attached. that reason alone was enough for him to protect his heart even more. despite your affection and your warm nature, he was still cold. harsh even.

and you understand completely. fully taking your time in getting to know him, being patient and soft, because a person could only handle so much given to his story. you heard from soap about how much he had to endured and your heart was torn.

‘poor lad… went through a lot’

is what soap had said.

so you made it your mission to make him feel at ease. become his person. his home. moving slowly but surely. this made simon baffled by your actions. why do you still hang around? why do you keep giving him affections? why can’t you just go and find someone who’s not bottling too much of emotions and trauma?

answer is simple. you love him.

and boy, was he shocked. in a good way. because it has been far too long someone had said that word to him. and not just say it but you actually prove it.

in time, simon begins to learn how to properly love again. he learns how to be someone’s someone. he yearns for you now. opening up a bit more about his past and he can’t forget the way you clutch his hands tightly around yours as he spoke. a simple act to remind him that it’s just you and him and no one else.

there’s only one thing he has been afraid of.

unmasking.

the thin scars decorating his face is one of the things he has always been so insecure about. and he’s scared that you might think of him differently after seeing. in your own opinion, he’s stupid to think that — will all due respect— encourage him day after day that you wouldn’t think so, still he doesn’t budge.

despite you being impatient on wanting to see his handsome features, you never push him. you would never do anything to make him feel uncomfortable. you adore him too much to do that.

“so i said to her… ” you emerge from the bathroom while brushing through your hair, eyes focusing on your long locks. “ ‘bitch, please you are looking at the owner’ and i kid you not… she went pale as shit” you chuckle as you tell him a about what happened at work

he hums, pretending to listen. the only thing that matters to him is how beautiful you look tonight. the way your fingers running softly through your hair, your glowing skin, your cute giggle and fuck,

how your night gown leaves little to no imagination,

“and then i took my G19 and shot her in the head”

“that’s good, baby” ghost mutters lowly, his eyes falls down to your exposed thighs. his train of thoughts were interrupted by you throwing a pillow at his direction.

“ow! hey!”

“you aren’t even listening!” a grunt of protest falls from your lips, arms crossed over your chest. “i was telling you about my day!”

he puts his hands up in defense. playful smirk across his face. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry! you just look so good standing there in your night gown, love…”

putting down your brush on the bedside table, you roll your eyes. though you can’t help but smile.

“that good, huh?” pulling the covers next to him before slipping inside. “i look that good to you?”

his large hand moves to palm your thigh. “more than good. you look absolutely divine”

your smile grows, and you can feel him smile too underneath the mask. both of your eyes locked for a while before you sit up a little bit and pat your chest.

“wanna lay?”

ghost quickly nods with a grin, scooting closer towards you before carefully laying his head. his fingers tap your leg, signaling you to put it over his thigh, you oblige.

a sigh of contentment escape from his lips once your press a kiss on top of his masked forehead. gentle fingers tracing lightly against his traps.

a question bubbles into your mind. a question you have been dreading to ask. tongue clicking against your teeth as you contemplate.

“what’s on your mind, beautiful?”

it’s like he could read your mind. you can never escape him.

shrugging you reply, “just wondering”

“wondering what?”

you inhale a sharp breath. “about when i can see this handsome face of yours.”

a smile on ghost’s face falters a bit. he knows you have been waiting for him to unmask. it has been months since you begin your journey together, and he knows that you have waited too long to see him. it isn’t fair to you, he knows that.

but again, he doesn’t want you to think differently of him.

“hm?” you place another kiss on his head when he’s not answering. “am i getting closer to getting the privilege to see that handsome face?”

the question is playful, though ghost could feel his heart beating far too loud. he believes every word you say to him, because he knows you would never lie to his face. except this one particular thing

“ ‘m not, lovie” he squeezes your thigh, fingertips grazing your soft skin.

you gasp, moving your head back a bit to the side so you can see him. “and who told you that, huh? soap? gaz?”

he’s quick to shake his head. “no one has ever seen me. i just know that i am”

“baby, that’s bullshit and you know it” you argue, bringing your other hand to rub his cheek with your thumb.

a silence falls between you two. he doesn’t know what else to response to that. it has been too long since he lets anyone see how he really looks like.

he moves his head closer to your chest, pressing his cheek against it to listen to your heartbeat better. “i just don’t want you to regret being with me, tha’s all”

if a heart could break, yours would in that moment. for all the times you’ve spent together with him, ghost is not the person that would showcase his vulnerability nor emotions. he’s tough. cold. stoic. he’d rather die than to do that.

but something in the way he speaks in a tone you’ve never heard from him before just makes you want to protect him even more. the insecurity laced in his tone is enough to do so.

“do you trust me?” your voice is gentle as ever, seeing him nod slowly. “then you know i would never do anything to make you feel small, yeah?”

he snakes his arm around your waist, nodding again. “yes”

your eyes casting down to him. “can i see my pretty baby, then?”

he feels his cheeks warm at the compliment, swallowing a small gulp as he tightens his grip a little.

simon is quiet for a moment, making you almost feel guilty for pushing him a bit. but you can’t help it. you want to see him.

you want to see your man.

and as you’re about to apologize, he speaks up,

“okay.”

a wide grin slowly makes an appearance on your face, “yeah?” he nods slowly, looking up to you with a soft smile.

“yeah” his voice is low. husky. “i trust you.”

“you do” you confirm, fingers moving gently to the bottom of his mask. for a moment you stop to see any sign of him fighting back or fidgeting. but he gives you nod, telling you to continue

with a smile, you tuck both of your thumbs underneath his balaclava. slowly you remove the material up to his nose, familiar soft pink lips that has been brushing against yours for the past few months appears. you stop for a moment and let your finger thread lightly on it, goosebumps rises against his skin as he feels you getting closer to fully unfold him.

the beat of both of your hearts are thumping. one part, you’re excited and the other he’s anxious. anxious that you’re not going to like it.

he closes his eyes the moment you completely remove the balaclava from him. hearing a gasp falls from you is making his nerves go up even higher.

‘please don’t leave me, please… please don’t’ he thinks

“simon you—you are so. fucking beautiful’

the moment he hears those words, his eyes snap open. seeing your wide eyed gaze travel from his forehead and down to his chin. both of your hands move to cup his face with jaw slightly wide open. no words are uttered.

you are truly speechless. taking the time to observe every single detail of his features. from his dirty blonde hair, big brown eyes, sharp nose, thin scars around his eyebrow and down to his cheekbone. you believe those things compliment his entire face.

he is absolutely handsome.

“my god” your voice comes out in a whisper, his breath hitches. hand still gripping tightly around your waist. “you’ve been hiding all these from me?”

a hearty chuckle rumbles from his chest, avoiding your eyes because he fears that you might see him blush.

“you don’t have to lie to me love, i—“

“fuck i ain’t!” you exclaim with a laugh, head shaking at his response. “simon you don’t realize how handsome you are, do you? and these?” finger pointing at the faded scar,

“prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

he cocks both of his eyebrows, eyes glinting full of hope. “you think so?”

“i know so, my darling.” plants a kiss on the tip of his nose. “gorgeous.” one on his eyelid. “my pretty man.” one on his cheekbone. “my baby” last one on the scar.

he pulls your body closer to him, melting at the feeling of your lips all over his face. “‘m not” he mutters

“definitely are. my handsome man” you argue, ruffling his hair. wide smile spreads across your lips as you watch your handsome man hides his face in between your breasts. “are you my pretty baby? hm?” you coo in a soft tone, not stopping to pepper him with kisses and praises.

he becomes shy, because he’s not used to this. choosing to find comfort in your chest yet he can’t help to admit how much he enjoys the affection. you feel him smile against your chest, and he’s hiding it but you can definitely sense him blushing too.

god, you love this sight. your hardcore, stone cold, military boyfriend becoming putty in your embrace. one you truly never thought you would see, and you’re enjoying every bit of it.

he does too. perhaps even more than you enjoying yourself

“me, me me. I’m your baby.” he mutters softly, eyes fluttering shut

-

i love babying a man, arrest me

[xoxochb]

hey girl!

binged a few of ur works this morning lol (sleep? never heard of her) and kinda sorta very much may have slightly fallen in love with apollo. i blame u /j

anyhows in case ur taking reqs atm (sorry if u dont) id like if u please some domestic fluffiness of my boi and his mortal wife (she chooses to remain mortal. its a bridge theyll burn when they get there)

feel more than free to add angst muehehehe (like him watching her in the garden and thinking of the misfortune hes had with all those hes loved in the past. tears are shed and promises are made)

tysm and take care :D

*also, reader here is sort of a foil to apollo; level headed practical down to earth but no less loving and caring. shes like a budding flower in that shes reticent and aloof but to those who know her well, little is sweeter than time spent her company.

so sorry if this is too detailed lol theyre all ideas so do what u want and enjoy!

— half return

warnings: slight angst, redeeming fluff, also I’m not good at gardening so bear with my here, short ish?? pairing: apollo x mortal/wife! reader a/n: I’m always taking requests angel don’t worry :)

It was nearly unreal, the sight of you. despite your sunburnt skin and floral sundress were veiled in all kinds of dirt and various weeds or plants, your beloved husband, watching from your porch, thought you had never looked more ethereal in this messy state. you pick another bunch of flowers and begin placing them one by one into the dirt, making sure after it will swallow the stem to keep them in place

It’s almost inevitable, the thoughts, every small glance to a simple plant brings him back to his variety of failed relationships; daphne, hyacinth, cassandra, et cetera (the list goes on forever). the memory… the switch from human form to plants, with daphne a tree and hyacinth a flower (you’d made sure never to plant those in your garden to be cautious of the reassuring trauma). he only prays to every god or goddess he knows that you won’t end the same way, dead or plant. you were too sacred, too special, I mean seriously, when has anyone ever seen a god settle down with just one person, let alone a mortal at that? slim to literally never. until now. and the other olympians teased him for letting a mortal of anyone have such an affect over him— a god. he ignored the teased though, and married you anyways

too caught up in his worrisome thoughts, apollo fails to realize that you had stood from your cross crossed sitting position, far enough so you could admire your work. a soft smile adorns your mouth, eyes twinkling at the sight of your handiwork. you walk back over to the flowers where you had left your tools, taking off your dirt-covered gloves and placing them in your bucket before looping the handle around your arm and heading up the stairs of your porch where you place down the bucket. then, with a wider (and probably more intimate) you sit down on the porch swing beside your husband

your tranquil voice is the first to break the silence, “lost in thought, my love?”

yes. “I just just watching you”

“like a creep?”

apollo let’s put a melodic laugh, pulling you to sit atop his lap. “if admiring my wife was to be a crime then I would imprison myself”

“silly” you laugh and peck his lips, then in your palms he sees a purple flower saved from your garden “for you”

he takes it gently from your hands. “for me?”

you nod happily. “It’s a heliotrope. it symbolizes eternal love”

oh, it’s like you were reading— stop everything. “eternal?”

“yes” you confirm “I have a book, I showed you once do you remember? it’s that big one with the white spine. it has the language of the flowers, names, what they symbolize, it even tells you the best time to plant them. I mean, what season to plant them in, it’s really cool, honestly, do you remember it? I already asked that… but—”

your ramble is cut off my soft lips against your own, ultimately stopping any coherent thought from being processed. for a moment you stay like that, and very slowly (like, a snail could slide a mile in this time) you pull away, and with lips still against each other, apollo assures, “I remember, darling”

꣑ৎ if you enjoyed then reblogs would be greatly appreciated! my requests are currently: open if you have any <3

[love-takes-work]

Streamily.com Presents: The Steven Universe Cast Reunion Q&A Part 2

Here’s a complete overview of the Q&A that was put on by Streamily, hosted by Elijah (“Not-So-Average Fangirl”), featuring Rebecca Sugar as the showrunner/creator, Sarah Stiles as Spinel, Deedee Magno Hall as Pearl, AJ Michalka as Stevonnie, Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Grace Rolek as Connie, Jennifer Paz as Lapis Lazuli, Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, and Erica Luttrell as Sapphire/Padparadscha. Read below to see various insights and opinions, and lots of hilarious commentary from the cast about the experience of voicing characters on Steven Universe.

Everyone opened with intros. Elijah ("Not-So-Average Fangirl") is the mod.

Rebecca said they created and ran the show for 8 years.

Sarah Stiles says she played Spinel!

Deedee Magno Hall says she played Pearl.

AJ Michalka says she played Stevonnie.

Shelby Rabara says she played Peridot.

Grace Rolek says she played Connie.

Jennifer Paz says she played Lapis Lazuli, Malachite, and Bob.

Kimberly Brooks says she played Jasper.

Erica Luttrell says she played Sapphire and Padparadscha.

Elijah says the questions are largely taken from the audience.

Q (for Rebecca Sugar): If you could be a Gem that WASN'T in the show, what Gem would you be and what abilities would you have?

A (Rebecca): Says they put so many Gems in the show. They used to go to gemhut.com to pick new ones. There were so many Gems inserted that were an aspect of Rebecca. They like Titanium--you get to be all the colors! And they always liked writing for the Quartzes--the soldiers who had epiphanies to not fight and settle down. They think they'd be a Titanium Quartz.

Q (for Shelby Rabara from Greenie_507): How was voicing Peridot different from any other character she ever played?

A (Shelby): Peridot is her favorite, hands down. She had a lot of emotional range--it was interesting to start her off as stoic and militant and then go through the transformation of losing her limb enhancers and becoming cute. Playing Peridot was such a great opportunity to embody an awesome character who evolves, and says what she's thinking without worrying about repercussions. Such a huge arc for this character!

Q (for Jennifer Paz from BrookesNook087): Which parts of Lapis did she find easy to connect with and which, if any, did she find difficut when voicing her?

A (Jennifer): She's so happy to be here and reconnect. Lapis has range too--when you meet Lapis it's intense, and she came in with such back story--Jennifer wasn't sure if she was even a good guy or a bad guy. She related to her so many ways--she was going through her "second puberty" (aka perimenopause) so she represents rediscovering yourself after dealing with trauma--she didn't even realize until after watching it that this character was reentering the world. She was a new mom and trying for her next kid and immediately going through perimenopause--it all led to this brain fog that she didn't even realize how much story was packed into Lapis's character.

Q (for Kimberly Brooks from Marco_Syrup): What was her favorite moment/part of voice acting for Jasper?

A (Kimberly): There are a lot of favorite moments. The surprise where Rebecca was going with the character; at first Jasper was a straight-up bully, but then she got an arc. Kimberly loves working with everybody and loves being part of the show. When she mentions Steven Universe, that's the show she's worked on that gets the most response. For her, the favorite aspect is the impact the show had on young people--gender identity, things in the ether. She loved being part of a timely, cool movement that a lot of people were affected by. She felt special being a part of it. Jasper is just a fun character to voice and she had fun.

Q (for Grace Rolek from Sammie47): What was it like growing up with her character? Were there ever any similiarities betweeen her real life and Connie's?

A (Grace): Yes! She loves this question and she REALLY feels like she grew up with the character. She started working on the show at 15 and now she's 27. She was in high school, really figuring out who she was, and in a lot of ways the character growth of Connie did mirror hers. She wasn't a shy kid but she was a bookworm and was homeschooled. Connie's journey of finding herself, her voice, her confidence, mirrored her own. This was very special for Grace to see her become a badass sword-fighting character. It was amazing to have that outlet and this space to explore growing up in her acting. She can look back as a full-blown adult and see how it mirrored her journey. She did once try fencing at the Renaissance Faire but decided that's more Connie's thing.

Q (for Sarah Stiles from somestarlight22): What part of the movie was the most challenging to record?

A (Sarah): She couldn't go for more than 45 minutes because she'd lose her voice. It was also the most thrilling voice work by FAR that she's ever done. Emotionally it was one of the great gifts of her life. She jumped into the world that had already existed and she'd had no idea her character was so important to the movie when she first got the role. She thought it was such a beautiful world. Spinel is very close to home sometimes, unfortunately. Her niece has a Spinel costume.

Q (for AJ Michalka): If you could fuse with any character you've ever played or voiced, who would you pick and why?

A (AJ): Steven Universe was the first cartoon she'd ever worked on, and then not long after it was She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. She LOVES playing Stevonnie and Catra. Something about merging Stevonnie and Catra would be some badass complication would be amazing. There should be fanart. The name would be what? Stevonatra? Catronnie? Deedee thinks then that character would have to sing Cookie Cat.

Q (for Erica Luttrell from FluffyBee_93): Would you want Sapphire's future vision abilities? Why or why not?

A (Erica): No, no, nope. We don't know much about the mysteries of existence, and she doesn't even like to go to a psychic because the answers would worm their way into her psyche and she'd always think it would be bad. She would want to intervene. It's funny because Estelle was on the previous day and she very much DID want all the answers.

A (Rebecca): In the writers' room this was discussed a lot because they'd determined Sapphire's future vision was entirely passive and fixed on one future where she does not act. Ruby's so impulsive that she fractures potential futures. When they combine in Garnet, they see multiple futures, so these answers make sense to them. At the bachelorx party before Rebecca married Ian, they had a psychic, and their brother Steven said "this is bad."

Q (for Deedee Magno Hall from ennedept): "Volleyball" is one of the questioner's favorite episodes. How did Deedee like voicing four characters in one episode?

A (Deedee): She can't remember doing all four in one episode. (Elijah suggests there's a Fusion of four Pearls. Rebecca corrects saying the Fusion in that episode is Crystal Gem Pearl and Volleyball.) Deedee says it's difficult to do multiple Pearls--she'll need a previous recording played to voice match, and she prefers to do one character at a time all the way through. She considers it a good fun challenge. She relies on Rebecca.

A (Rebecca): They gave the direction that Blue Pearl is mousy and Yellow Pearl is more like an old-timey secretary.

A (Deedee): Deedee remembers being told that the sound to shoot for is more like Betty Boop or Marilyn Monroe. It was very helpful to have that direction when creating the voices.

Q (for all): Which scene had them the most emotional while voicing or writing it?

A (Rebecca): The song "Change Your Mind" was a personal song that wasn't supposed to be for the show. It was written at a difficult time when Rebecca was facing pushback on the show and trying to stand their ground. It was an emotional choice to include it in the show.

A (Sarah): Her audition for the movie involved singing "Drift Away." She remembers being on her bed in her apartment singing it into her phone and couldn't stop crying. Recording the song live was also really emotional. It's burned in her mind. In a good way.

A (Deedee): When she recorded "It's Over, Isn't It" because she was also doing Tommy the musical, and her voice was raw after doing that musical. She had to reschedule the recording to sing the song properly. When she did manage to go to the studio to record it, she was still doing the show, but she wasn't on during the week. She was so worried about the vocal performance that she wasn't as invested as much as she wanted to be. All the times she was able to sing that song again, it was far more emotional afterwards. She loved that it spoke to so many fans. There were so many other songs that she doesn't sing in the show that take her to an emotional place too. She loves "Love Like You." It's her all-time favorite. She loves the way Rebecca sang it.

[Pausing the question to ask Rebecca a question before they have to go]

Q (for Rebecca from DominoMuffin): What happened to Cactus Steven after running off?

A (Rebecca): The Crew talked about this. In a way, it foreshadows the end of Future, which is a character who's been through a lot and then has to go live their life and be free. Their goal was to call forward to the adventure Steven would be having. Cactus Steven is living life and figuring it out.

Anything to say from Rebecca before leaving?

A (Rebecca): They're so excited to see everyone, they miss everyone, and they're on TikTok @rebeccasugar. Just playing little covers of the songs and they have the EP Spiral Bound out. They can't thank the other participants enough for helping to encourage them to record personal music.

[Back to the "All" question about the most emotional recording moments.]

A (AJ): The introduction of Stevonnie in "Alone Together" and realizing they were a Fusion and an experience, and not really knowing what it would be like. That part really got her--she likes to tell people they're an experience now, that they're a moment in time. It made her tear up when she recorded it. And then recording "Here Comes a Thought" with Estelle was super special. The lyrics are deep and touched many people. She loved singing with Estelle after only really having duet experiences with her sister.

A (Shelby): Many emotional moments happened in the recording booth--crying and laughing, all of it. Her most emotional moment was in the "In Dreams" recording with Zach Callison. It felt a bit like a goodbye message to the Crew, too--that they want to be connected even if they have to leave and live far away. Zach is so talented and gave so much--they even held hands during the recording. She really felt like she was on the edge with Zach, that she could feel everything that happened. Such a cool moment as an artist. She feels fortunate to be connected to all the other actors through this beautiful piece of art.

A (Jennifer): She agrees with Shelby. Jennifer didn't feel like she got to record that much. She remembers being emotional during Lapis's opening scene of saying to the Crystal Gems, "You three knew I was in there and you didn't do anything." She remembers she was shaking when she recorded the scene. It was so heavy for a cartoon, and she hadn't known it would be like that since she hadn't really done too many cartoons. Rebecca told her she's playing someone who was trapped and she didn't know much else--she was alone in the booth and didn't know what was going on. Later when she saw the episode she was blown away. She also remembers an emotional recording when Lapis stands up to Jasper in "Alone at Sea." What she was tackling, with Lapis taking her agency, her power back, from being in this toxic situation--this is a lot for an eleven-minute piece of art. That in particular, she was emotional in the booth. It was a powerful message to those getting out of a horrible situation. She would meet fans from cons and they would share personal stories of getting out of their own horrible situations and reference that episode. Jennifer feels fortunate to have been part of a show that gives such great life lessons.

A (Erica): Erica can't find the episode name (it was "The Question"), but her emotional moment was when Ruby and Sapphire were separated and Ruby came back from being a cowboy. She knows how it is to be separated from a person who feels like a part of you. She connects easily with others and she hates when someone ends a connection.

A (Kimberly): She wishes she had a better memory. She has the same issue as Erica. She remembers also feeling like she's stepping into an existing world that she hadn't heard of when her character arrived. Her character was the abuser and the bully, and she didn't realize what the impact was. All of her scenes were emotional--with anger--but pain is always underneath it. She felt like EVERY scene she recorded was emotional--what is making Jasper so angry? what is missing from her life? Such a heavy character to represent. Once she had to record as a public service announcement about bullying and she thought it was so relevant.

A (Grace): Grace also tried to Google an episode name and it might have crashed her Wi-Fi. The episode was "Full Disclosure," where Steven is pushing Connie away. (Though she recognizes Connie also pushes Steven away elsewhere in the show.) She got choked up recording the episode--she knows the feeling of trying to be there for someone and they're pushing you away is familiar to her. At that age your friendships and relationships are so dramatic. There's also when Connie confronts her mom in "Nightmare Hospital" when she tells her mother she hadn't even noticed that her glasses don't have lenses. She kenw that feeling of growing up and not being a little girl anymore. She thought something similar to the others about how her concept of working on a cartoon was more like "We're going to go on adventures and fight bad guys!" and then before you know it you're crying in the recording booth and exploring your past.

Elijah the host says other messages from children's media (Rainbow Fish, The Giving Tree) taught people to give all of themselves away and encourage toxic relationships, but this show stood against that.

Q (for Shelby Rabara from Mylesjude2): In Little Homeschool, Peridot teaches gardening to students. What are her favorite plants to grow and why?

A (Shelby): Peridot loves growing pumpkins and she doesn't have to build anything for gourds to grow. She's a big bean fan and she likes to pick the pods off. How can there even be food scarcity? It's just logical!

Q (for Jennifer Paz from Kai): What element other than water would she like Lapis to manipulate and why?

A (Jennifer): She thinks she would love to be able to read minds. That's not really an element but wouldn't that be cool? She can tell sometimes when people aren't saying everything they mean and she'd like to be able to root it out. Maybe Lapis could be a therapist, taking what she learned evolving through trauma.

Q (for Kimberly Brooks from TheMaskedTaco): What does she think Jasper is doing now? Does she do anything in Little Homeworld?

A (Kimberly): She needs help with that answer. Did she learn any lessons? Did she move forward? Kimberly isn't sure. She needs some serious therapy. Let's just say she's getting some self help and is doing better, taking responsibility for her actions. That's what Kimberly wants to believe.

Elijah says they should take Jasper to a rage room and can break something every time she reveals something about herself. What if Lapis and Jasper went into business together to run a rage room? Maybe have a crying room? Include Peridot and make morps in the barn? Someone should draw that too. Deedee wants to know if someone can come to the rage room to clean and organize things too. Perhaps do laundry. It could be very therapeutic.

Q (for Grace Rolek from WhatIsJuan): What does she think Steven and Connie are up to now that the show is ended?

A (Grace): Connie's off to college and Steven visits. She remembers she went off to college at 18 and Zach visited her. It'd be similar adventures. And they'd probably get up to adventures as Stevonnie.

Q (for Sarah Stiles from Flowerz4Daises): What is Spinel up to since the movie?

A (Sarah): She's learned Cirque du Soleil tricks. Trapeze, skateboarding, hip-hop classes, cooking, baking; she's got endless energy and ideas, so she's doing a LOT of stuff. She'd have such chaotic colors and flavors! Maybe combine baking AND a circus! And hole up in the barn.

Q (for AJ Michalka from G70_Heart): What was the process like when voicing the conversations between Steven and Connie while they were Stevonnie?

A (AJ): It was tricky. There are things Grace does that AJ would pick up on, and then with Zach she'd think of the Steven laugh and mannerisms. Stevonnie is a whole person and she wanted to subtly reference aspects of how their components talked without it seeming like she's playing two people.

Q (for Erica Luttrell from Nachet): Was it fun playing two different kinds of Sapphire and was it hard to go from Sapphire to Padparadscha? (Everyone jokes about not being able to pronounce Padparadscha.)

A (Erica): It was not difficult at all because the two characters were in completely separate episodes. It was fun, especially since Padparadscha is SO different and cute. Sapphire is regal. She relates to the deep thinking Sapphire does and sometimes her wife doesn't want to listen to it.

Q (for Deedee Magno Hall from Bella): If Pearl could say one thing to Rose about how Steven turned out, what does she think she'd say?

A (Deedee): Rose would be so proud of him. That would be it. And he is loved.

Elijah's mom calls in from off camera to say they're all having too much fun. It's funny since they're just talking about moms. Erica says her nine-month-old just took a couple steps for the first time during the recording.

Q (for all from pulpypal953): Which Gem character's power would you want in real life?

A (Sarah): She would want to be big and strong. Like Jasper.

A (Deedee): As a mom, she would want the healing power.

A (AJ): She'd want to manipulate water like Lapis. She'd love to be able to save people from tsunamis.

A (Shelby): She wants future vision so she could prepare.

A (Jennifer): She remembers Steven healing Lapis with his spit. She wants to heal with spit.

A (Erica): She's giving it serious thought. She'd want to be strong like Jasper but also impervious, and she wants to be able to jump back a second or two in time to fix misses. She wants to shield those she loves and those who need it.

A (Kimberly): Invisibility. She's kind of a voyeur. Elijah thinks she could have Amethyst's shapeshifting power and become a small animal.

A (Grace): Shapeshifting. She'd love to be able to cause chaos.

Q (for all from HaoTamaLove): What animal does your character remind you of and why?

A (Sarah--Spinel): Maybe a little puppylike or bunnylike.

A (Deedee--Pearl): Bird. She adopted the loving term "Bird Mom." Maybe like a flamingo, but a flamingo beak isn't pointy. Kimberly thinks like a crane? A fusion of a flamingo and a crane. A cramingo! (Artists? A new prompt.)

A (AJ--Stevonnie): A Lion because of their mane. They're sturdy and reliable.

A (Shelby--Peridot): A squirrel. She'll do anything to get what she wants. (Artists??)

A (Jennifer--Lapis): Maybe Lapis's alter ego, Bob--Bob would be a regal cat. The cat would cause trouble. Lapis had dry one-liners.

A (Erica--Sapphire&Padparadscha): Padparadscha would be a "slemur." A sloth lemur. A hyper-aware but slow creature. Sapphire would be an antelope, but in the arctic.

A (Kimberly--Jasper): The African Bush Elephant, which is the strongest animal in the world. Then also maybe the Muskox.

A (Grace--Connie): A companion animal that's really smart, like an Australian Shepherd.

Q (for all): Share socials, other projects, and outros!

A (Sarah): She's on Instagram and she's in the first season of Hazbin Hotel, plus some hush-hush stuff.

A (Deedee): She's on Instagram and is voicing occasionally on Kiff. Thank you to Streamily.

A (AJ): She's on Instagram and is releasing a new album with her sister (Aly & AJ).

A (Shelby): She's on Instagram, and she just released a kids' book with her husband called Martee Dares to Dance. She directed her first short for a film festival and directing a music video. Also "mommin' so hard."

A (Jennifer): She is working on some secret projects. She did some voiceover on a game. She's developing a musical with her husband called Proud Marys. She's writing and producing things she can't talk about, but hopefully soon!

A (Erica): She's on Instagram and the bird site that shall remain nameless. She can't talk about her current projects. Things she's apeared on before will be involved.

A (Kimberly): She's on Instagram and can't talk about upcoming stuff and doesn't quite know the process for some of them. She's in a new thing: she is in Arcane as Sky. And she's done some work on The Simpsons and South Park.

A (Grace): She's on Instagram and worked on Clone Drone in the Hyperdome as Kata, and she plays bass in a band called Starling.

That's it! You can get signed prints at Streamily!

[a-court-of-mischief-and-madness]

Midnight revelations

Part 1 ----------- Part 2

Eris Vanserra x rhysand sister reader!

Summary: rhysand's sister has always felt lonely considering all the demons and skeletons from her past make her heart ice cold. What happens when she meets someone who has enough fire to warm her heart and unravel her?

Note: hi everyone this is my first time ever posting a story, I have always been addicted to writing but I have never publicly showcased my work. Therefore I urge you all to enjoy this. Feel free to leave a comment about what you think :)

♧------------------------------------------------------------♧

You clutched the fabric of your dress, a breathtaking gown that shimmered with every subtle movement. The deep, royal blue material cascaded down to the floor in luxurious folds, catching the light and creating a mesmerizing array of sparkling reflections that mimicked the starry night sky. The bodice was meticulously crafted, hugging your curves with an almost ethereal grace. Tiny, delicate crystals were sewn into the fabric, forming intricate patterns that danced along the neckline and down the fitted sleeves. These sleeves, adorned with intricate floral patterns, exposed just a hint of skin, creating an alluring contrast against the otherwise modest design.

The slit of the dress was daring, extending provocatively up to your upper thigh. With each step, it revealed a tantalizing glimpse of your leg, adding an element of sensuality to the otherwise elegant ensemble. The cool night air whispered against your exposed skin, sending a shiver down your spine. Despite the chill, you felt a surge of confidence wearing the dress, its beauty giving you a sense of empowerment.

The Night Court had always been your sanctuary, a haven with your brother Rhysand and his mate, Feyre, after the harrowing events under the mountain. You silently cursed Amarantha for ever laying her hands on him, for the ball of trauma she had inflicted, now masked by his composed exterior. Tonight was a reunion for all the High Lords and their families, celebrating Amarantha's defeat. The meeting was to take place in the Court of Nightmares, a place you dreaded—not only because of Keir, but also because of the lecherous behavior prevalent there. Everyone had to mentally prepare to ensure nothing went wrong. You hated that daily routine of donning a cold mask, a habit that began over a hundred years ago...

"Kill the woman first," Tamlin's father barked, his voice cold and merciless.

"No, please, no. I'm begging you, please don't," you pleaded, your throat raw from weeping. Blood coated your arms and legs, seeping from the wounds on your back where the High Lord of the Spring Court had tried to clip your wings. The pain was excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the terror you felt for your mother. Your wings had vanished when he tried, baffling him and fueling his rage. In his anger, he slapped you, the sting of it radiating from your cheek.

"It's okay, please do it to me but let her go," your mother sobbed, her voice trembling with fear and desperation. You tried to protest, but your mouth was clamped shut by some unseen force, preventing you from speaking or moving. You were helpless, forced to watch as the nightmare unfolded before you.

The High Lord of the Spring Court approached your mother with a knife, its blade glinting ominously in the dim light. Your mother looked at you with tear-filled eyes, her face etched with sorrow and resignation. "I love you," she mouthed, her lips trembling.

You screamed against the spell that held you, your heart shattering with every step he took. The knife glinted in the light, each reflection a dagger to your soul. He reached your mother, and without hesitation, he slashed her neck. Blood spurted from the wound, staining the ground crimson. Your mother crumpled to the floor, her eyes wide with shock and pain.

A guttural scream tore from your throat, louder and more primal than any sound you had ever made. It broke the spell that bound you, and Tamlin and his father staggered back, their faces painted with agony and shock. You rushed to your mother's side, falling to your knees beside her lifeless body.

"Mother, no," you sobbed, cradling her head in your hands. Blood seeped between your fingers, warm and sticky. Her eyes, once so full of life and love, were now empty and glassy. You rocked back and forth, your cries echoing through the cold, heartless chamber. The world around you seemed to blur and fade, your vision clouded by tears.

Suddenly, a familiar presence enveloped you, a comforting darkness that wrapped around your soul. Your brother Rhysand appeared, his power crackling in the air, but it was too late. The light in your mother’s eyes had already faded, her body growing cold in your arms. Rhysand's eyes widened with horror as he took in the scene, his rage palpable.

"She’s gone," you whispered, your voice broken and hollow. "She’s really gone."

Rhysand knelt beside you, his hand gently resting on your shoulder. "I’m so sorry," he murmured, his voice thick with grief. "I’m so, so sorry."

The pain was unbearable, a searing agony that consumed your entire being. You clung to your mother’s lifeless form, your sobs echoing in the silence. The room around you seemed to spin, the walls closing in as darkness began to creep into your vision.

And then, everything went black.

When you awoke, the memory of your mother’s death was etched into your mind, a scar that would never heal. The image of her lifeless body, the blood, the pain, all of it haunted you. It was a nightmare that you relived over and over, a wound that time would never mend.

Tears sprang to your eyes, but you held them in. "Are you all right?" Azriel asked, his voice soft but filled with concern. His eyes searched yours, a hint of worry flickering in their depths. You smiled, stood from your seat, and quickly brushed away invisible stains on your dress, avoiding eye contact. "If you need to talk, I'm here, you know," Azriel spoke softly. You glanced up at him. Azriel wore a tunic of deep, rich purple that seemed to complement his dark, mysterious aura perfectly. The fabric clung to his muscular frame in all the right places, accentuating his strength and grace. It was clear that every detail of his outfit had been carefully chosen, from the intricate stitching along the seams to the subtle shimmer of the fabric in the candlelight.

The tunic was adorned with subtle embroidery, delicate patterns that seemed to dance along the fabric like shadows in the moonlight. The designs were understated yet elegant, adding a touch of sophistication to Azriel's otherwise simple attire.

His hair was freshly combed, the strands falling in dark waves around his face. Each lock seemed to catch the light, creating a halo of darkness that framed his chiseled features. There was a quiet confidence in the way he carried himself, a sense of power and authority that was impossible to ignore."You look handsome tonight, Shadowsinger," you said with a deflecting grin. He sighed, not appreciating the change of subject.

Just then as you stood there, bathed in the soft glow of moonlight, a gentle hand touched you from behind .You turned and your heart swelled with warmth as you beheld Feyre, her eyes sparkling with affection and admiration. She wore a gown as resplendent as your own, adorned with jewels that seemed to catch the light and reflect it back in a dazzling display of beauty.

"Feyre," you breathed, a smile spreading across your lips. Her presence was like a balm to your soul, a reminder that you were not alone in this world."You look stunning," Feyre said, her voice soft and full of sincerity. She reached out, taking your hands in hers, her touch gentle and reassuring. "Truly, you take my breath away."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, moved by her words and the genuine love that shone in her gaze. "Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath. "You look absolutely radiant yourself."

Feyre's smile widened, and she pulled you into a warm embrace, holding you close as if she never wanted to let go. The scent of her hair, mingled with the subtle perfume of flowers, enveloped you in a sense of comfort and belonging.

"I'm so glad you're here," Feyre murmured against your hair, her voice filled with emotion. "Tonight is a celebration of freedom, of hope, of new beginnings. And I couldn't imagine sharing it with anyone else."

You squeezed her hand, feeling a surge of gratitude and love for this woman who had become not just a friend, but a sister to you. "I'm glad to be here too," you replied, your voice steady despite the tears that threatened to spill over. "With you, by my side, I feel like I can face anything."

Feyre pulled back, her eyes searching yours with an intensity that took your breath away. "You're stronger than you know," she said, her voice soft but filled with conviction. "And tonight, we'll show the world just how powerful you truly are."

As you shared a tender moment with Feyre, a familiar presence approached from behind. You turned to find Rhysand standing there, his eyes shining with pride and love. His gaze swept over you, taking in every detail of your gown with a mixture of awe and admiration.

"Wow," he breathed, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "You look absolutely breathtaking."

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips at his words, feeling a swell of warmth in your chest at his sincere praise. Rhysand had always been a pillar of strength and support, and his approval meant more to you than words could express.

"Thank you, Rhys," you replied, your voice soft but filled with gratitude. "It means the world to me."

Rhysand stepped closer, his hand reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from your face. His touch was gentle, yet electric, sending a shiver down your spine. "You deserve all the happiness in the world," he murmured, his eyes searching yours with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. "And tonight, I hope you find it."

"I'm just grateful to have you both by my side," you said, your voice thick with emotion. "You and Feyre mean everything to me."

Rhysand smiled, a soft, affectionate smile that reached his eyes. "We'll always be here for you," he said, his voice filled with conviction. "No matter what" you gave him a small smile.

"I suppose Nesta and Cassian won't be joining us tonight," Rhysand remarked, a hint of amusement in his voice. Feyre chuckled, shaking her head knowingly. "I believe they've found a different way to celebrate," she said with a teasing smile. Rhysand groaned theatrically, rolling his eyes. "Let's just hope they don't add to the drama with some new trauma," he quipped, his tone filled with mock exasperation.

Feyre giggled, her laughter ringing with warmth and affection. She nudged Rhysand playfully. "Oh, come now. They're just taking advantage of the freedom we fought so hard for," she said, her eyes dancing with mirth.

Rhysand sighed dramatically. "Well, let's hope they remember their manners this time," he said with a smirk, earning a laugh from Feyre.

You linked your hands with Azriel and shot Rhys a wink and a smirk. "Not like you were any different, brother." Feyre laughed, and Rhys nudged her playfully before Azriel winnowed you away.

The ballroom was opulently decorated, the light casting a warm glow on the throng of guests. All the High Lords were present: Tarquin, Tamlin—who you barely glanced at—Kallias and Vivien, looking regal as always, and Beron with his son Eris. You despised Eris for what he did to your cousin Mor, the reason she couldn't attend tonight.

For a moment, your gazes locked. Eris's amber eyes roamed over you, lingering on the delicate embroidery that adorned your gown, the way it hugged your curves with subtle grace. There was a glint of curiosity in his gaze, an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. His smirk deepened slightly, a knowing glint flickering in his eyes as he took in your appearance.

You felt the heat rise in your cheeks under his unabashed scrutiny, a mixture of annoyance and a strange thrill. With a subtle shift, you turned away but his amber eyes seemed to catch yours at every turn despite your efforts to avoid him, a smirk forming on his lips as he assessed you. You blushed, heat rising to your cheeks as you took your seat next to Azriel.

Rhysand began briefing everyone as each High Lord took turns expressing their joy at being free.

You looked down as Feyre spoke, "Please enjoy this party, take it as a new beginning." All the High Lords rose and began to mingle. You stood, but Azriel caught your hand. "Where are you going?" he asked, worry in his eyes. "Relax, Azriel, I'm just getting a drink," you said, and he nodded, releasing you. Rhysand seemed to have noticed and looked at Azriel; you knew they were communicating silently. As you moved gracefully through the crowded ballroom, the delicate fabric of your gown rustling with each step, you made your way towards the wine table. The air was filled with laughter and music, the chatter of High Lords and Ladies mingling in a harmonious symphony of celebration.

Just as you reached for a glass of wine, a sudden commotion broke out nearby. A drunken couple stumbled past you, their unsteady steps threatening to knock into you.

You stumbled, your balance faltering as you teetered on your heels. In an instant, you felt a pair of strong hands grip your waist, steadying you before you could fall. Heat surged through your body at the contact, your heart pounding in your chest. You looked up, breath hitching, and met those familiar amber eyes. Eris. His gaze was intense, filled with a mix of amusement and something deeper, something that made your pulse quicken. The smirk on his lips was infuriatingly confident as his hands lingered on your waist, the warmth of his touch seeping through the thin fabric of your dress.

"Careful," he murmured, his voice a low, seductive drawl that sent shivers down your spine. "Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

His words were laced with a teasing edge, but there was an underlying sincerity that made your heart skip a beat. You tried to step back, to create some distance between you, but his hands tightened slightly, holding you in place. The room around you seemed to blur, the noise of the party fading into the background as your senses narrowed to the man standing before you.

"You should watch where you're going," he continued, his eyes never leaving yours. "This place can be dangerous."

"Thank you," you managed to say, your voice trembling slightly despite your best efforts to appear unaffected. You cleared your throat, trying to regain your composure. "But I can take care of myself."

He chuckled softly, a rich, melodic sound that sent another wave of heat through you. "I'm sure you can," he replied, his fingers brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. The touch was light, almost tender, and it took everything in you not to lean into it.

You finally managed to step back, his hands reluctantly releasing you as you put some much-needed distance between you. "Is that any way to thank someone?" Eris drawled, the smirk never leaving his face.

You took a steadying breath, trying to ignore the lingering warmth from his touch and the way your heart was still racing. "Thank you," you said again, more firmly this time. "But I don't need your help."

"Of course," he said, inclining his head slightly. "But the offer stands."

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing there, your mind swirling with a mixture of irritation and something else—something you weren't quite ready to acknowledge. You watched him go, his confident stride and the way the light caught his hair making it hard to look away.

Finally, you took a deep breath and made your way back to your seat, trying to ignore the way your skin still tingled where he had touched you. You sat down next to Azriel, who gave you a questioning look. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Yes," you replied, offering him a reassuring smile. "Just ran into an old... acquaintance."

Azriel's gaze flicked briefly to where Eris had gone, a flicker of understanding in his eyes. "If you need anything..."

"I know," you said, cutting him off gently. "Thank you, Azriel."

As the night went on, you tried to focus on the celebration, on the laughter and the music and the sense of freedom that permeated the room. But every now and then, your thoughts would drift back to Eris, to the way his hands had felt on your waist and the look in his eyes. And you couldn't help but wonder if there was more to him than you had ever realized.

[777rare]

☀️ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PT.2💥

disclaimer :

DO NOT READ FURTHUR IF YOU ARE A MINOR!!

THIS CONTAINS MENTIONING OF seggs and bad words so please scroll if ur below 18+

THESE NOTES ARE ONLY A STUDY OF MINE AND HAS/HAS NOT BEEN PROVEN YET, SO IF IT DOES NOT RESONATE WITH YOU, FORGIVE ME AS IT WAS ONLY A STUDY/OBSERVATION OF MINE.

I DO NOT PILRIMIZE, COPY OR REWORD ANY OF MY FELLOW ASTROLOGY OBSERVERS POSTS AND I DEMAND THE SAME IN RETURN

Mercury in 1st house natives are very talkative beings lmao🙊

Mars in fixed signs(AQUARIUS,LEO,TAURUS,SCORPIO) won't take anybodys shit no matter what..if somebody ain't treating em right, they're always ready to fight back

Mars in cardinal signs(CAPRICORN,CANCER,LIBRA,ARIES) can control their temper and toleration levels when somebody's acting all shitty but when they can't take it anymore, you're done for.

Mars in mutable signs (PISCES,GEMINI,SAGITTARIUS,VIRGO) will most of the time tolerate ur shit and get pissed off internally. They won't show it although they do sometimes, its mostly always internal. suppressed anger and frustration.

Apollo-venus/neptune folks are very admiring. Apollo-venus/ 8th house people are charming and alluring whereas apollo-neptune/ 12th house people have ethereal or outwardly beauty. Apollo aspecting ascendant are attractive too. Ex: alexia demie has Apollo quintile venus, zendaya has Apollo in 8th house.

Adams-sun/moon/asc/Mc natives have a very masculine character or mascular body in a man's chart ex: Chris evans has Adam's trine sun, Dwayne Johnson has Adam's sextile moon.

people with aura/ascendant in harsh aspects with moon(esp. Square) could mean people sense ur aura/ energy to be "too emotional" or "cold ass bitch" vibe. the tension in these aspects can also manifest according to the placements, degrees and other aspects.

natives with sirene conjunct jupiter could have such a raw seducing energy and lots n lots of it by the way! They tend to have a very mysterious,sexy,alluring touch to them. its like they have this "cremé dé lá cremé" persona blended in them..it's just so fucking hot..I also feel these natives catch too much attention sometimes even when they don't intend on trying to catch anyone's attention. It can sometimes get really annoying for them too.

In your varuna persona chart usually I feel the native is born to gain world wide fame if their sun/moon conjunct asteroid varuna.

Melete-chiron/sun/moon/asc harsh aspects tend to become victims of anxiety disorders, panic attacks. Check the houses and signs to get more insight as well. Ex: zendaya has melete semi square moon and sesquiquadrate ascendant

Lacrimosa in 12th house natives emotions gets overwhelming when they're in bed or at night. These people could feel overwhelmed with grief and sadness at times and cry themselves to sleep

chiron in aquarius/ 11th house, can show a native getting severely wounded or experiencing trauma, anxiety, grief because of online platforms, social media, technology, anything techno like phones,laptops etc.also these natives never have good, honest friendships. It's always fake friends and getting cheated or left out by friends. These natives should be very careful when it comes to making friends as well. Ex: I have this placement and when I was 10 yrs old, my closest friend food poisoned me. still don't know why.

Saturn-venus natives are beautiful but it's somewhat of an energy that's sleeping in them or yet to sprout. These natives need to put in some self love and work to glow up, especially showing themselves love.these natives tend to dislike the way they look or always try to find some flaw in themselves but their beauty will truly shine only when they begin to love themselves and work on themselves more. (Esp. Harsh aspects)

Virgo lilith natives have a very reserved sex appeal. These people tend to be very picky and minimalistic when it comes to their sexual partners.people most of the time assume these natives to have less knowledge about sex but deep down these natives are just crazy internally. You'll know it when you meet a virgo lilith native.🤠💫Aspects and houses can differ too.

I feel like asteroids in special degrees 11°, 22°,0° also have a really strong or special effect on the native.

sun-mercury natives always look younger than their age. The native can also be very childish even after ageing so much.

Planets in Scorpio sign or where your scorpio is placed is where you keep things hidden, out of reach from others or have deep information about. Thats why when scorpio falls on someones ascendant they are seen as very mysterious and secretive. Ex: I have scorpio over 8th house and i keep my sexual life hidden(8H= sex,money,etc), my brother has scorpio in 3rd house and he knows a lot about my past than my mom, and also about the people in our neighborhood(3H= siblings,neighbours), my mother has scorpio moon so she does hide her emotions a lot. My sister has scorpio jupiter and she does lots and lots of researching and has a lot of knowledge about books and countries that most of the people don't know about.not even me🙂.

Pallas-ascendant(positive aspects) natives look wise and mature

Lots of planets aspecting to chiron can show a native who has been wounded so so many times in their life.

Sokrates conjunct neptune or in pisces/scorpio/ in 8th/12th house natives love deep conversations.they hate small talk and just wanna go so so deep.

Pallas conjunct neptune natives have so much spiritual wisdom.

Tone-pluto natives tend to have a raspy,deep touch to their voice.

Asteroids mentioned above :

apollo - 1862

Adams- 1996

Aura - 1488

Sirene - 1009

Varuna - 20000

Melete - 56

Lacrimosa - 208

Feel free to reblog and tag me when you do❤🙌🏻 Hope you all enjoyed. Thankyou.bye!❤ have a great day ahead!🏝☀️

[harmoonix]

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⚸ Astrology Observations ⚸

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- Lilith in the 4th house/Cancer = Having big family issues, especially with the Mother, feeling like the black sheep, also feeling like you're not good enough because of your family/parents, people with such placement are very hurt yet very powerful if they find their power ❤️‍🩹.

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- Lilith harshly aspecting moon (Square or Opposition) having other females figures being jealous on you, sometimes this aspect is another indicator of mommy issues, you can have a very controlling or strict mother.

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- Sun making harsh aspect with Saturn = Big daddy issues, you can have a very strict or toxic father who's energy can drain you, you can also feel restricted to be in your natural energy and it feels like you always have to fake your mood

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- Lilith harsh aspect with Saturn (Square, Opposition, Conjunction) this is one of the most hardest aspects related to LILITH, you can feel restricted to be in your sexuality, also to be restricted to feel yourself in your own body. It always seems like someone has something with your or against you. You could've have a very restrictive family household where your own person always pushed back ❤️‍🩹

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- Chiron in the 12th house in a way can feel that God doesn't help them or love them? Is not 100% sure but there is some sort of heal relating to God and Spiritual things with these natives, they can feel that God doesn't love or help them, also most people with such placement can end up with religious Traumas ❤️‍🩹

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- People with Asteroid Medusa [149] in the 7th house can attracted potential partners very easily but be careful if you have this placement because most of these partners can have some toxicity

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- People with Asteroid Medusa harshly aspecting the ascendant (Square, Opposition, Conjunction) can have a lot of people envious or jealous on their looks (you have something they are jealous of, trust me besties)

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- Asteroid Juno {3} - making an harmonious aspect with asteroid Ceres {1} = You 2 will have the feeling to nurture each other and heal eachother your partner can be a very good healer and you can be very bounded to your partner

- Asteroid Juno {3} making and harsh aspect with the asteroid Ceres {1} = Your relationship needs nurturing and very much time with each other, you will feel like you need to heal this relationship or your partner because you either your partner could went though traumatic experiences in love relationships

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- Venus - Mars aspects = A very high drive/sexual appeal, big sexual energy

- Venus - Pluto aspects = A very deep connection with your partner/spouse, big intense energy

- Venus - Moon aspects = Being very charming and artistically, big artist energy

- Venus - Saturn aspects = Learning about love, challenges in relationships, restrictions, having a very unique and powerful connection with your spouse, having very impactful glow ups.

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- A lot of people forget that the element Air also means Art/Artistic Side not only the Water element... Air Moons are some of the most artistically people out there ❤️

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- Neptune - Jupiter aspects are having such an ethereal energy is amazing, especially if you have harmonious aspects between them, they radiate energy like these natives are coming from another world

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- Having asteroid Psyche (16) in the 1st house/ or in the 1st house cusp, you have a very strong soul, a very powerful energy sits there in your soul ❤️

- Having Asteroid Psyche (16) in 12th house/Pisces you have a very strong subconscious, you have literally that type of power in the spirit realm, you might also be very protected

- Having Asteroid Psyche (16) in the 2nd house/Taurus, a very powerful body and heart, your love is unique, you like to spend your time buying things that make you feel good or pretty

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[shutupineedtothink]

It’s about Self-actualization, not Sacrifice

I can’t overstate how much I Do Not Want Agatha to sacrifice herself and/or die at the end of this series, and tbh I’m mad that people are even floating that idea out in the ether.

I don’t care if her sacrificing herself for Billy or anyone else is making a different choice from how she couldn’t save Nicky or stealing witches’ powers, and is therefore “narratively satisfying.” I don’t care if her dying means she gets to be in some kind of eternity with Rio. I don’t care if she was some kind of ghost figure in the comics and we could see her specter in future projects. I do not want Force ghost Agatha.

I want living, breathing, transformed Agatha to come out of this more herself than she ever has been before. Freed from the hold her past and her limiting beliefs and her reputation has had on her for the last several centuries. I want this to be a new beginning of her journey, not the end.

Fortunately, I think Jac and the writers have my back on this. (Please, god)

The journey here on the Road is not about sacrifice. Because a) I don’t believe and have never believed that Agatha actually sacrificed Nicky for the Darkhold. Red herring, it didn’t happen that way. So there’s no narrative reversal to be had there in the first place. And b) the various deaths, the witches’ stories we’ve seen play out so far have not been about Sacrifice either, at least not primarily.

Alice ended up sacrificing her life to save Agatha, but that was not her story in that moment. That was not the narrative we were meant to see.

Alice saving Agatha in that moment was about her stepping into her power, her highest self, the Protection witch she was always meant to be free from the generational curse. Someone who cannot stand by and watch others in pain if she can do something about it. That’s her highest self.

Lilia’s sacrifice wasn’t her true journey either. Her story was about embracing her power, becoming the Traveler, playing out her story in the way she saw and accepting her gifts for what they are (your task is not to control but to see). She too, regained her full power, her full self in that moment, and took out at least five of the Seven with her. She took her power back from the fear that had been holding her for so long, and became the highest version of herself, the Queen of Cups.

Agatha’s journey isn’t about sacrifice either, it never was.

Agatha’s journey, as I’ve said in other posts, is about finding her true self, her true power, unmasking herself from all of the facades she’s worn over the years to protect herself and hide her pain. Answering the question, who IS Agatha, all along? It’s about dealing with her trauma so that she can exist as her true self, and be seen by others as her true self.

We’ll find out in the next couple episodes what that looks like but I can already tell you she’s NOT inherently evil, or inherently good. She is a woman shaped by heartbreak, grief, and sorrow. She has made choices, some bad, some good, and she is capable of making new choices. She is capable of transformation, of peeling away all the false versions of her to find who her truest self is — which I believe, is a leader, a mentor, a guide. The Mother, in many ways.

In that case, sacrificing herself for Billy or the coven or whatever isn’t the play here. It’s teaching Billy (probably, and maybe Jen) what he’s capable of and how to access his true power. It’s the same role she played for Wanda, only this time, when Billy realizes what he’s done (create the Road, probably) she’s going to help him, not fight him for his power. There’s probably also some element of them trusting each other and working together, having seen each other’s true selves.

I’m not going to try to predict the specifics, but my point is that Agatha dying at the end is simply not the move. And if she does, the only way it works is if it’s a dying on the Road to be reborn in the real world type of situation (so everyone else lives too). In which case, fine, I guess, but I still don’t want her to die. I want her to choose life. I think with everything she’s suffered, death is the easy choice. Living and changing and growing and letting people in is much harder.

Besides what an absolute fucking waste it would be of Kathryn Hahn’s talent to just kill off Agatha here and not have her show up later and irritate the shit out of some Avengers.