#ethan needs to fix his sleep schedule

[ethanthedreamer]

it is 4am, but if you combined my (show) hyperfixations into one 2000s teen tv show opening it'd be something like: [cue the gravity falls music] Hi. I'm Dipper Pines, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. I'm a time lord from the planet Gallifrey and I'm the fastest man alive. I'm in Christian Hell, and there is no justice here. This is my team - say hi intrepid heroes! also, angels aren't real.

[mondstadtlover6000]

breakdown of clovis's pjosceu fic

okay i'm back for another post in this little series! today we're going over clovis's pjosceu fic and its themes and meaning. check out the previous one on connor's fic if you haven't already.

this is what i had set up for clovis's fic:

trauma response: self-neglect premise: "being willing to sacrifice all of yourself to find yourself and your supposed purpose." themes: abandonment, unimportance, tiredness, purpose, responsibility

clovis's fic mainly revolves around one main thing: him wanting to be someone of purpose. this is expressed through him trying to find his parentage and through his powers. he tries very hard to find out who his father is and to understand what the "point" of him being a demigod is. later in the fic, clovis yearns to be seen and accepted as someone of repute, and therefore sacrifices a lot of his own health in order to do this for people, following this mindset of "i need to do something/provide something for others in order to be of use". he has a very... capitalistic (for lack of better word) viewpoint on life, i guess. this is also kind of a reflexive response towards the neglect minor gods receive in camp half-blood; clovis attempts to "prove himself" because he doesn't want to be "useless".

i took a somewhat (i think?) unique perspective on clovis's constant sleeping for this fic. i portray it as a symptom of deprivation due to him not being able to control his powers, and later, not controlling them properly. his constant dozing, in the context of my fic, is because he is genuinely not asleep when he's "asleep": he's awake in the dream world. this is a pretty obvious metaphor of his self-neglect: the more he stays awake (as he does it to help people), the more tired he gets—the more he tries to prove himself, the more he hurts himself. this is supposed to show that... you're not supposed to be killing yourself over achieving goals or helping others, which clovis does understand eventually get over by starting to fix his sleep schedule!!

there's also a point in the story where hypnos points out that all of clovis's lack of sleep is due to his own hand. clovis initially tries to blame it on his powers, but really it's the misuse of powers that causes his pain: he doesn't take responsibility for the negatives that affect him and he is only able to get better when he does.

detracting from clovis's personal character arc, we also have a little side story with ethan nakamura and, as my sister calls it, "the angsty gay situationship they have going on". ethan is introduced as kind of a foil to clovis: they both sacrifice a lot of themselves in order to support a "bigger cause". but while clovis reels this in before having a doomed fate, ethan doesn't (like in canon).

i think i mainly put this in to show that, despite being a reflex or response of trauma and their environment, a lot of what occurs to campers is of their own choice. a lot of the pjosceu is about free will: just like connor has no control over other people leaving him in his fic, clovis has entire control over the pains that befall him (at least the ones i serve in the story).

anyway there's my incoherent ramble of the day, i hope it provided some insight to readers. if you haven't read my pjosceu series on ao3, be sure to, because i give all the love (and angst) to everyone's favorite side characters.

[lifeofkaze]

Valentine's Challenge 2022 - Day 5

Prompt: Heartbreak

HPHM Rockstar AU

A/N: I love breaking Lizzie's and Orion's hearts (oops) but this time, make it Rockstar. This story is happening BEFORE the beginning of When Stars Ignite and the affair between Lizzie and Orion hasn't happened yet - no one is hypocritical or cheating here!

The title song is breaking with our rule to only choose rock songs, but this version is the one that inspired this whole scene out of nowhere so... bear with me.

General Warning: The whole Rockstar fic has a general warning of being NSFW / 18+. We have given specific warnings for every chapter in itself, but several adult themes have been more or less present in every chapter, may it be explicitly or in mention, and they will do so in this bonus chapter, too. These include sexual topics, drug abuse, (ab)use of alcohol, smoking and a whole lot of cursing.

Specific Warning: none

~~~

If you would like to read the whole fic, you can find the masterpost here.

Find all stories of this challenge in the masterpost here.

~~~

The Rockstar AU is a collaboration with @the-al-chemist

Taglist: @slytherindisaster @night-rhea @carewyncromwell @thatravenpuffwitch @anthamariemayfair @whatwouldvalerydo

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your throne, and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

~ Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah ~

One year prior…

It was the evening before Valentine’s Day and Lizzie was bored. As a happily single woman she should be out and about on the streets of London, celebrating her independence and freedom with good music and strong drinks. But instead, she had been stuck in the big old house in Kensington belonging to Ethan Parkin with the other members of their band for the better part of her day.

Their latest album Beneath a Burning Sky, which had celebrated a spectacular release several weeks ago, had been doing even better than anticipated and they were considering adding more shows to their upcoming tour.

“If we tighten the travel time, I don’t see any reason not to play additional shows in Poland,” Ethan was insisting on his ambitious new schedule. “We could even make a side-trip to the Baltic countries.”

“Sure, cut our time-off even more,” Merula muttered. “Why the fuck not? We might as well sleep on stage at this point.”

Ethan scowled at her. “Do you want to show the world your work or not? If you- Okay, whose fucking phone is this?”

The vibrations of a phone had cut through Ethan’s lecture, like it had done several times already. Ethan’s scowl deepened when he saw Orion taking his phone out of his pocket. He frowned at it and started to type a message.

“Are we boring you, Orion?”

Orion looked up to find Ethan glaring at him. “We are a team, so none of us stands above the other. How could I not take an interest in what is decided tonight?”

“Because it bloody well looks like texting some trivial shit is more important to you than listening to me. Put that fucking phone away or I’ll do it for you.”

Orion arched an eyebrow but put his phone back into his pocket, nonetheless. Lizzie thought that he was looking tense but when she leaned over to him to ask if he was alright, Ethan narrowed his eyes at her and she quickly sat upright again.

Lizzie and the other band members had agreed to celebrate Lizzie moving into a new place after their meeting, so when Ethan finally let them go, they all made the short trip into Chelsea sharing a minivan cab. Most of them were chatting and laughing; only Orion was keeping out of the conversation. He was sunk deep into his seat, his whole concentration fixed onto the phone in his hand.

Lizzie was burning to know what was bothering him, but she was too busy showing her friends around her new home to think about Orion. It was only when she excused herself to go find the menu of the Thai delivery service around the corner that she noticed she hadn’t seen Orion in a while.

Standing between her kitchen door and the hallway, Lizzie frowned. It was close to midnight - Valentine’s Day, she thought, not without rolling her eyes - and they had been working most of the day. Orion had probably just gone home to see his girlfriend. It was unlike him to just leave without saying goodbye, but then again, he had been strange for the better part of the day.

Pushing her thoughts about Orion aside, Lizzie searched her kitchen drawers for the menu. She couldn’t find it anywhere until she remembered that she had looked through it while watching a movie in bed yesterday, so was probably still lying on her nightstand.

As she stepped into her bedroom, she frowned; the door to the room stood slightly ajar and a cold breeze came from the open window. She went to close it and realised with a jolt that someone was standing outside on the small balcony.

Orion was leaning on the wrought iron railing on his forearms. It was freezing outside, but he didn’t seem to notice; instead, he was staring at the curtain of cold rain dripping down from the roofs across the street. He had his phone in his hands, but when it lit up, he didn’t look at it.

“What are you doing out here?” Lizzie asked and stood next to him. The floor was icy beneath her feet.

“Fate meant well with you when it bestowed this beautiful new home on you,” Orion said instead of answering her question .

“That had less to do with fate and more with a really good estate agent.”

Orion laughed softly. “Be that as it may, you were fortunate to find this place. And with a balcony on top.”

“So you had to go and check it out?”

“I needed a moment of solitude,” Orion said and bowed his head. A flicker of sadness seemed to pass over his features as his phone lit up a second time; he still wasn’t looking at it. “I’m sorry if I overstepped my mark by coming here.”

“It’s fine,” Lizzie shrugged. “It’s not like I have anything to hide.”

“You don’t? What about these?” Orion nodded at a bucket standing in the corner of the balcony. It contained a big bouquet of dark red roses. “Do you have any plans for tomorrow you haven’t shared with us?”

Lizzie had to laugh. “They’re not for me,” she snickered, “and I don’t mean to send them to anyone either. Not in the way that you think, at least. I’m going to post them to Skye first thing tomorrow, with a card signed by Erika.”

If Orion was surprised he didn’t show it. “Like the two poles of a magnet, the attraction between them is not to be denied.”

“I’m sick of Skye complaining about Erika all the time,” Lizzie agreed. “You should hear her, Rath here, Rath there - she’s driving me insane. I figured, why not push their luck a little?”

Orion arched an eyebrow. “Your willingness to bring two hearts together is admirable, but don’t you think they should be allowed to find each other on their own terms and at their own pace?”

“Not if I have to watch them dance around each other a second longer. All this sneaking around must be so exhausting. They just need a little push, that’s all.”

“As magnificent as they are now, your roses won’t make much of an impression if you don’t get them inside soon. They are flowers made for summer and thrive in warmth and sunlight. Out in this cold, their petals will break and their beauty wane.” His expression was sad and he held out his hand, catching one of the drops falling from the roof edge above them in his palm. “No one likes the cold much.”

“Then why are you out here?” Lizzie wanted to know, stepping from one foot to the other to keep warm. It had been meant as a joke, but when she saw Orion hang his head, she stopped hopping around and stood closer to him. “You must be freezing.”

“I am,” Orion admitted, “but the cold numbs the head as well as the heart.”

“Dramatic. Have you ever considered writing songs?” Lizzie was happy to see a smile appear on Orion’s face, but it was only short-lived. “Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Orion didn’t reply, but Lizzie noticed that he had stopped turning his phone between his hands and was now holding it tightly. “Is this about all the texts you’ve been getting tonight?”

“You’re perceptive,” Orion said. Lizzie expected some elaborate comparison or train of thought to follow, but Orion had fallen silent again. He was looking so sad it hurt Lizzie to see him like this.

“You look like heartbreak if I’ve ever seen one, and I’ve seen my share,” she said, not without a touch of bitterness. “If that harpy you’re seeing is -”

“Don’t call her that,” Orion said immediately but it sounded half-heartedly. “None of this is her fault.”

“Then it’s yours?”

Orion shook his head. “It’s no one’s fault and everyone’s.” Upon seeing Lizzie’s confused expression, he sighed deeply. “She’s not happy that I’m here tonight.”

“No one’s keeping you here,” Lizzie said, mildly irritated at his words. “You can always go home if that makes her feel better.”

Truth be told, Lizzie had never been a fan of Orion’s girlfriend. They had met at an event a little over a year ago and had started a whirlwind romance shortly after. They had been happy for a while, but lately, Lizzie had noticed Orion getting more and more quiet when it came to his relationship. It was no wonder; his girlfriend had never understood what being a musician - truly living for and through music - actually meant. When Orion spoke again, Lizzie found her suspicions to be confirmed.

“She is hurt that I keep spending time with all of you outside of rehearsals,” he explained and sounded tired. “She doesn’t understand that we don’t have a job you leave behind at the office to go home and forget about it. Music is everything. It’s who I am.” He shook his head and brushed the hair that had fallen into his eyes from his face.

“The band is you,” Lizzie said quietly and felt Orion’s pain; they had all been in his position at one point or another. “Your music is part of your soul. You can’t separate these things. She should have thought of that before she got involved with you.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe she thought she knew, but didn’t. We will never know. We can only deal with the cards dealt to us at present.”

Lizzie made a non-descriptive noise but her answer was cut short when the phone in Orion’s hand buzzed again. He took a quick look at the screen and then sighed deeply. “Although it seems that my hand has just changed.”

Without another word he held his phone out for Lizzie to take. She hesitated before reading the message flashing up on the lockscreen.

I don’t care if it’s important or not. I’m too good for this. If you’re not home by midnight we’re done. Them or me, your call.

“Ouch,” she said and handed him the phone back. “I’m sorry. It’s unfair of her to ask such a decision from you.”

“It’s her prerogative. Sharing the life we lead is not easy,” Orion answered levelly but Lizzie heard the strain in his voice.

“What are you going to do?”

Orion took a moment to answer. “I think my head and heart want different things.”

“And which is which?”

He laughed quietly, but it sounded bitter. “I’m still here, am I?”

“You really love her, don’t you?” Lizzie said and the pain on Orion’s face stung inside her heart.

“I do. But I love our band equally as much. You are my family. How am I to choose between who I love and who I am? If I gave up one for the other, who would that make me?”

“There is no right answer to that,” Lizzie said sadly. “But sometimes love means letting go, even if it hurts.”

Orion’s phone buzzed again, but this time it was an incoming call. He froze and took a long, contemplative look at the picture of a pretty blonde coming up on his screen before rejecting the call and switching off his phone.

“Looks like I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day on my own this year,” he said and looked so defeated that Lizzie reached out to lay a hand on his arm.

“I’m so sorry,” she said softly, “but you don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to. There’s still me, and the others, too.” She bent down and picked one of the roses meant for Skye out of the bucket and held it out to Orion with a comforting smile. “Here, for the heartbreak.”

Orion smiled sadly and took the rose from her, spinning the stem between his fingers. He looked at the dark red petals thoughtfully.

“A rose by any other name…,” he mumbled, more to himself than anything.

“Always the poet, huh?”

“There is no shame in employing the masters’ words if your own fail you.” Orion didn’t look at her, but his smile wasn’t as sad anymore. It vanished again when he gently touched the soft petals of the rose with one finger. “I don’t seem to have any words of my own left tonight, I’m sorry.”

“That’s a first,” Lizzie said and nudged Orion into his side with her elbow when she saw that a small smile was spreading on his face again.

The sharp ping of an incoming text cut through the silence. This time, it was Lizzie’s phone. She took it out and quickly glanced at it.

“Skye wants to know where the fuck we are. They’re getting pizza now.”

“We have kept our friends waiting long enough,” Orion conceded with a small bow of his head. “Maybe we should go back inside. They will wonder as to why we’re coming out of your bedroom.”

“What business would you and I have in my bedroom,” Lizzie laughed. “Let them think what they want. We don’t have to go back if you don’t want to. I’m fine freezing together with you.”

Lizzie thought Orion wanted to protest, but he changed his mind and nodded gratefully. It had stopped raining and a gap in the clouds revealed a bright and full moon. A few streets away the clock of Chelsea Old Church chimed midnight. Lizzie leaned her head against Orion’s shoulder.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“To you as well,” he answered, and Lizzie thought she could hear a smile in his voice. “And thank you.”

“Whatever for.”

“For being my friend.”

Lizzie smiled and neither of them spoke anymore. Instead, they stood next to each other and enjoyed the comfortable silence, watching the raindrops falling from the roofs glittering in the silver moonlight like the stars falling down on Earth.

[mvalentine]

Sleep, birthdays, twins, and night owl for the domestic HCs! ❤️

(send me some) domestic headcanons!

i already did sleep but ill do it again just for you 😌

sleep: normally ethan is the big spoon but sometimes when he seems tired or upset she wants to be the one to hold him so he’s the little spoon and it’s cute and all but the mental image is SO funny cause he’s literally almost a foot taller than her she’s giving backpack 🎒

birthdays: so lana hates celebrating her birthdays, hates making it a big deal. one of those people that have a lot of bad memories attached to their birthdays. she normally just goes out and gets extremely hammered for her birthdays and has a birthday fling shsjsj so the tradition continues when she starts dating ethan i imagine they go bar hopping all over boston and it’s very cute (my friend said their ship name should be ‘alcohol’s anonymous and honestly….. mayhaps she has a point hsjsks) except this time, she doesn’t need to go far to get her birthday fling fix 😌 ethan offhandedly mentions that he didn’t celebrate birthdays much given that his dad was super busy working trying to make money to survive as a single dad but lana can tell that he kind of feels upset over that so on his birthday she asks naveen to let ethan and her have a day off and then surprises him with a full day of birthday hoopla- starting with breakfast in bed to exploring a museum to an evening wine tour and dinner and then topping it off with some dessert if you catch my drift ;)

twins: lana & ethan don’t have any kids so no twins for them!!

night owl: this man is horrified at her sleep schedule. she is literally the epitome of a night owl— going to bed at ungodly hours for absolutely no reason. when they start living together he literally forces her to fix her sleep schedule and drags her into bed with him by giving her an added incentive ;)

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian fic “Always and Forever” Chapter 3

Summary: After the death of their daughter Grace, Kurt and Sebastian drift apart. Kurt wraps himself up in his grief so tightly he starts to push Sebastian away, and Sebastian, feeling himself shoved aside when he needs Kurt most, cheats. They make the decision to start over, to leave New York City and their pain behind, and start over again in a house Upstate. Sebastian buys Kurt a "fixer upper" and gives him free reign. While redecorating the room that will be his studio, Kurt comes across something interesting underneath the wallpaper. It starts to become an obsession for Kurt - an obsession that begins to replace Kurt's love for his husband, which Sebastian is holding on to by a thread. Can Kurt and Sebastian break through the pain and the hurt and find a way to fall in love again?

Read on AO3.

Chapter 3 (4753 words)

Kurt stares out his studio window at the neighborhood below. It’s 10:15 a.m. and a Tuesday, so it isn’t as if the place is teeming with activity. Everyone living on Colony Lane seems content to stick to their own spaces, abide by their own schedules, and go about their lives without much interference from the world outside.

Kurt hates to hand it to Sebastian, but that’s what he wants as well. Isolation in a quaint fixer-upper is precisely what he needs.

Another point for Sebastian. 

Damn. 

He seems to be racking them up lately, while Kurt…

Kurt can admit that he’s not trying as hard as he should be, but he’s giving himself permission to be selfish. There shouldn’t be a timetable for bouncing back from loss, and Kurt got the double-whammy. 

Sebastian gave him betrayal to get over, too. 

Kurt knows that he should deem repairing his marriage a priority, but he also needs to do what’s right for him. 

He hasn’t figured out what that is yet, but it'll come to him.

Underlying childhood guilt has him believing that he should introduce himself to the neighbors. Etiquette and all that. It’s what his mother would do. Every time his family moved, and there had been a handful of times, Kurt’s mother would bake a batch of cookies for the neighbors. She'd put a baker's dozen into colorful cellophane bags, tie the tops with curled ribbon, and take them door to door to say hello. She wouldn’t wait for people to show up on their doorstep with a casserole and a smile. She believed in being proactive. She would tell him, “New neighborhood, new life. Go out and be a part of it.”

But Kurt doesn’t want to, and the neighbors seem fine with that. 

It’s been three days, and Kurt and Sebastian have only gotten one visitor – the technician who came to fix the heating. Of course, the neighbors could be waiting for them to get settled. Then they’ll pounce over with perfectly iced Gingerbread Bundt cakes and Chicken Kievs, church invites, and Girl Scout cookie order forms, like a swarm of Stepford Wives. 

Kurt doesn’t care about being proactive, and his mother isn’t around to scold him for behaving like a hermit. 

That may sound harsh, but it's true. 

The clouds pulling together in the sky overhead, threatening rain, give Kurt an excuse to shut himself away and work on the house - an excuse he can ply without the assistance of a tragic backstory. With his laptop open on the floor in front of him, he browses those websites that feed his design fetishes: Ethan Allen, Neiman Marcus, Anthropologie. 

But he's not the least bit inspired. 

He’d decided to start small, take things room by room instead of attacking everything at once. But he gets stumped, staring at the screen in front of him, unsure whether the chair he’s been mulling over for the past half hour is gorgeous or gaudy. 

He should focus on bringing the living room together since it’s where they do the bulk of their entertaining, provided they ever start entertaining again. And he should do something about the master bedroom, which, for the moment, houses a bed, a TV, and a dresser within the confines of four ashy walls. 

Opinions on the topic vary, but Kurt has always felt that the bedrooms are the heart of the home. They’re sanctuaries where dreaming, planning, and affirmation happen. He only has the one to worry about, so he should put extra effort into making it comforting, relaxing, sensual on the off chance he ever plans on touching his husband again.

The jury is still out on that one, unfortunately. 

The kitchen, he’s not looking forward to decorating. Aside from his studio, he and Grace spent much of their time together in the kitchen. They baked daily: cakes, cookies, bread, and anything else they could slop onto a baking sheet and shove into the oven. They also made jam, pickled fruit, and taught themselves (using YouTube videos mainly) to prepare various types of cuisine. Some were a hit, others a miss, but it was always an adventure. 

Kurt had done something similar with his mother and her collection of vintage cookbooks, congregating around the kitchen island in the afternoons to shed the angst of public school, and spread the wings of his stifled creativity. He and his mother discussed everything in the kitchen while sifting flour and creaming butter. It was a tradition he had so looked forward to continuing. 

Now, he’d rather not be bothered going into the kitchen again.

He could pick a page out of the IKEA catalog and recreate it. That should offend him. It did when Sebastian suggested it the first time Kurt redecorated their penthouse. But Kurt hardly cares. It doesn’t matter as much as it did. He can’t remember the last time he stepped into the kitchen and prepared anything more elaborate than toast and coffee, maybe dry scrambled eggs. Sebastian took over cooking duties after Grace died, which, nine times out of ten, means ordering out, if for no other reason than he gets to leave the house to pick up the food.

He knows Kurt appreciates the time alone more than he does a home-cooked meal.

Then there’s Sebastian’s office, which Kurt is decorating for the first time. He has tried to start a shopping cart for it numerous times, but, unlike the windfall of ideas he had for his studio, he can’t get into a groove. He remembers a time when thinking about decorating Sebastian’s office put a hundred ideas into his head. 

Currently, he has only one.

The cheap, vomit-worthy, knock-off furnishings of the no-tell hotel room he pictures whenever he thinks of Sebastian sleeping with another man. 

Kurt shivers in disgust. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy. 

The room or the infidelity.

But how would Sebastian react if Kurt decorated his office to look like the business suite at the Marriott?

Kurt snickers, envisioning the sitcom-worthy shock that would erupt on Sebastian's face if he presented that to him.

"As you can see," Kurt would say, strolling through the room with his head held high atop the straightest spine pettiness can deliver, "I have chosen the most flame-retardant carpet available in subtle hues of tan and beige, a color combination well suited for concealing cum stains. This ergonomic, curved leather loveseat, for when you want to get adventurous with your afternoon romps, which, at your age, requires plenty of lumbar support. Plus, it cleans up in a snap with just a Clorox wipe, so that's a useful feature. Faux fireplace, faux aquarium, faux chandelier... are we sensing a theme? And in the corner, I've provided you a foldout of your own, for when you bring... ahem... work home."

The grin on Kurt's lips slides when Sebastian, wearing a gutted expression, pops to mind. It's an expression that Kurt didn't believe possible for Sebastian till their daughter died. He's only seen it once. He doesn't want to bring it back.

He sighs. 

Revenge-dreaming isn't helping. 

It isn't as satisfying as he thought it would be.

He’s not breaking through his creative block anytime soon. He puts his plans for the other rooms on the back burner and decides to spend time picking out furniture for his studio. With the exception of his sewing machines, he didn’t bring anything from his penthouse studio here, so he’s starting over fresh. He switches tabs and starts filling his online shopping cart with the basics: a new drafting table, a cabinet, a chair he’ll have to custom-upholster, a bolt of drapery fabric he can repurpose to make a bedspread (if he goes through with his plans for a foldout), and a few other miscellaneous odds and ends, nothing worth wasting too much brain-power over.

The clunk-clunk of Sebastian stacking cans in the kitchen cabinets reaches Kurt upstairs, as does the water running in the sink while he washes dishes and the squeak of the sticky pantry door when he fixes it. Kurt plans on redoing the kitchen and giving the entire room a facelift. Sebastian knows that. But repairing the door gives Sebastian something to do.

Sebastian has been considerate enough to let Kurt do his thing undisturbed for the morning. Kurt’s reluctance to talk to anyone extends to Sebastian, which Sebastian understands. He’s keeping his distance. But it’s nice to hear him puttering around the house. It gives Kurt comfort, the same way listening to his father snore in the middle of the night helped Kurt feel less alone after his mother died.

He may want to be left alone, but it’s nice to know that he’s not alone.

Especially not today.

Today did not start out good for Kurt.

Kurt woke up later than he’d intended, and when he did, he couldn’t remember where he was. Sebastian had woken up and gotten out of bed hours earlier, leaving Kurt alone to sleep in. Kurt climbed out of bed and wandered around frightened, hands crawling along the walls, searching for something familiar. Footsteps passed somewhere underneath him, and he froze. He didn’t want to venture downstairs because he didn’t know who could be there. Maybe someone had broken in, or worse - this was somebody else’s house, and Kurt was the intruder. 

His heart raced. He started hyperventilating. He went from room to room, trying to figure out where he was and why he was there. It wasn’t until the second time he went into his studio that he began to remember. He saw his bag on the floor and, beside it, his sketchbook. He remembered sitting in there the day before, making plans. He remembered the wood grain of the floor, the dusty glass, the tree outside, the wallpaper, and that ripped corner by the window, which Kurt refuses to acknowledge any more than he has to.

He feels it behind him, like the sun on his back, trying to get him to turn his face to it, but he refuses. Of all the things he needs to deal with, that ripped corner and the word beneath it don’t make the list. It isn't doing the palpitations in his chest any favors.

It confuses him. 

It angers him. 

It saddens him.

It makes him consider what could have been, forces him to face everything he's lost. He didn't succeed in running away from his problems. He ran headlong into brand new ones.

But this is his house. He has to get used to it.

These episodes aren’t uncommon. They crop up whenever Kurt needs to adapt to change. They’re unexpected, like mines in fields he discovers he’s been running through when a second ago he was picking flowers in the park or strolling down the street.

It's their unpredictability that is the true torture. 

They show up even on his good days.

His life for the last ten years revolved around his daughter. When she was a baby, he adjusted his work schedule to match her sleep schedule. They had the money to afford the best nurses in New York, but Kurt didn’t want that. He didn’t want his daughter raised by a governess. He was as hands-on a parent as there ever was. 

As Grace grew, her schedule changed, and Kurt adjusted: daycare, Gymboree, kindergarten, ballet, elementary school. He dropped her off in the mornings, then picked her up in the afternoons. They spent the rest of the day going over her homework until it was time to make dinner, which they did together. 

That was the great thing about being a designer and freelance editor. Kurt could work from anywhere, and, aside from doing consultations at Vogue, he could work any time. 

When Grace became sick, her doctor visits and her medication regimen dictated Kurt's schedule, then her chemo.

Towards the end, there was only one item written in Kurt’s schedule - lie beside his daughter in her bed, holding on to her for dear life. 

And not just her life.

His, too.

In sickness and in health, Grace kept Kurt’s life regulated. 

Things flipped drastically when she died. 

He felt adrift. Detached from the life he had gotten used to, he didn’t know what to latch on to. His internal clock would wake him up at six to get Grace ready for the day, only to find himself walking into a vacant bedroom. At the supermarket, he would grab her favorite cereal out of habit and put it in his cart, even though it wasn’t on the list. He would jolt when he'd come across a song he thought she’d like or saw an advertisement for a movie he thought she’d enjoy. 

He has yet to stop the automatic deposits from his bank account to hers, her weekly allowance piling up on top of birthday and Christmas money. She had earmarked it for college (her decision, not his). Now it waits to be donated to the children’s hospital that took such incredible care of her. He doesn’t have the heart to empty it. She was so proud of it.

He doesn’t know what it will do to him to see the balance at zero.

But the worst moment of all, the absolute worst, was when he tried to go back to work right after they lost her. 

There are many moments after Grace’s death, during Kurt’s own struggle for acceptance, that blur together, but this one he remembers so vividly, it brings a lump to his throat and tears to his eyes. 

He was in the middle of a brainstorming session with his team. His boss Isabelle was there. She had dropped by with a box of cronuts and a grande nonfat mocha. Kurt hadn’t been eating. Everyone could tell. But Kurt overlooked the signs – the sharper than normal angle to his cheekbones and chin, his collarbone that showed through his skin a little too much, his hands that never stopped shaking. He had waved the food away when she offered. 

An hour later, he was on his third one.

The tension of his presence in the office so soon after his daughter’s death slowly dissipated, making way for the familiar, though attenuated, back and forth banter he had so missed. Without knowing it, he was paving the way for a potential comeback. He wouldn’t have a line up for a while, and he would need to keep an eye on fashion trends as they came and went in his absence. But this, this felt so natural, so normal, it almost seemed like it was. He got caught up in the rhythm of this impromptu jam session. He smiled, he laughed.

He felt alive again.

Somewhere in the middle of outlining a rough schedule, he glanced down at the time on his phone. Mid-sentence, he got up from his chair and walked over to get his coat off the hook by the door.

“Alright,” he said with a chuckle over Chase’s last clap back at a jab from his boyfriend Ian, “thanks for everything, you guys, but I’ve gotta run. We’ll talk about this more when I come in tomorrow.”

The room went pin-drop silent. Kurt didn’t notice.

“Where are you going?” Isabelle asked, getting up from her seat on the corner of his desk and approaching, knowing that he would need her in a second, the way she always knew. Kurt has referred to Isabelle as his Fairy Godmother ever since he first walked into Vogue fresh out of high school and trying to find a foothold in the hectic Gulf Stream that is New York City. She became his pillar of support, a sympathetic ear, and a clear head whenever he needed one. She had thrown his bachelor party. Hers was the condo he stayed in the night before his wedding. She’d hosted Grace’s baby shower.

Also, Grace’s wake.

She didn’t have children of her own and didn't plan on it, but she loved Grace as much as anyone.

And hers was the shoulder Kurt cried on when he found out Sebastian had cheated. 

Kurt looked at her, confused, wondering why it was that everyone around him seemed to be holding their breath. “I just… have to go pick up Grace. From school. I’m going… I’m going to be late.”

Isabelle shook her head and put a hand on his. “Sweetie… ”

It took Kurt a second. 

Even after one person gasped and another sniffled, with Isabelle’s sorrowful eyes staring at him, begging him to remember so she wouldn’t have to say it, he didn’t catch on.

When he did, it hit him like an electric shock straight through his body, rendering his muscles useless, and he crumbled to the floor. Isabelle held him for over an hour in that spot until Sebastian arrived. Kurt didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go to their empty penthouse and face the truth about his empty life. He wanted to stay at Vogue with Isabelle and live in that moment where everything was alright again for one shimmering second, even if it wasn’t real.

But he had to go. He had to leave with Sebastian, who had hurt him, back to his home, even if it killed him because even though he felt like his life was over, everything else continued on. People lived, and people died. The sun set in the evening, but in the morning, it would rise again.

He just didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. 

Not without his Grace.

He was cried out by the time Sebastian got him home. Sebastian undressed him, helped him with his cleaning and moisturizing routine, and then put him to bed. It was Friday evening when Kurt shut his eyes and went to sleep. He lived that horrible moment at his office over again a hundred times before he opened his eyes. And when he did, it was Sunday morning.

Like this morning, but to a greater extent, when these attacks happen, locked in his own brain, sifting through the pieces to find one big enough and sturdy enough to hold on to, Kurt loses time.

In a blink, hours go by, sometimes a day. He’ll climb in the shower in the morning, turn the water on hot, and by the time he realizes it’s cold, it’s close to noon. He has sat at the dining room table for breakfast, staring at a bowl of oatmeal, and when he found the will to pick up the spoon, the oatmeal was old and stiff, and it was dinner time. He’s gone to bed on Monday and stared at the black behind his eyelids till Wednesday. 

As far as Kurt knows, it’s only around lunchtime, but he glances at the clock in the corner of his screen to make sure. 

12:45.

He breathes a sigh of relief. He double-checks the date to make sure he has a reason to and sighs again.

Still Tuesday.

Kurt switches back to the IKEA tab he’d been laboring long but not hard on earlier. He looks at the shopping cart he’s been steadily filling, scrolls through his selections of personality bereft, assembly line furniture, and groans. This isn’t him. This house, this blank slate, should be an endless fount of motivation. 

But he's numb. 

Maybe he's rushing into this. He should give this house and the neighborhood time to grow on him before he sentences it to the mundane.

He needs a break. (Kurt Hummel need a break from shopping? Since when?) He flips to a new page in his sketchbook. For shits and giggles, he tries drawing a sketch for his husband’s office. He starts with the easy part – Sebastian’s desk. Sebastian didn’t leave that in the penthouse, so Kurt will make it the linchpin and design around it.

Things flow surprisingly easily from there once he gets started, with a pencil in his hand writing on paper instead of working on a screen: an ornamental rug, a matching leather chair, burgundy velvet curtains, a chainmail style Tiffany desk lamp, 1930s art deco décor with a soupcon of Persian flair. But he doesn’t want the room to be too dark. No. Kurt wants nothing in their house to be dark. He adds a Salento chandelier over the open portion of the room and a sweep of color – one wall, opposite a window, a lighter shade than the rest. He doesn’t know what Sebastian’s office looks like, but there has to be a wall in there that will fit the bill. 

An enamel and copper vase, a Khatam inlaid photo frame, a few Negar Gari…

Kurt stops.

Would Sebastian want that? The softer elements countering the strict lines of the art deco pieces, what could be described as feminine influences, are Kurt’s signature touch. But might Sebastian prefer the art deco without Kurt’s fingerprints all over it? Isn’t that what Sebastian meant by Kurt being heavy-handed with the pastels? 

Back in high school, Kurt had decorated his bedroom so that he and his stepbrother could share it. He'd skipped school so he could complete it in one day. He’d worked hard on it, trying to fuse a masculine air with his theatrical influence. What he thought was an eclectic representation of the masculine and the feminine turned into a Moroccan-themed disaster.

The word his stepbrother chose to use at the time was faggy, but there were ulterior motives behind it.

Sebastian made jabs in high school about Kurt not wearing boy clothes, comments that adult Kurt recognizes as the teenage boy equivalent of pulling Kurt’s pigtails. But at the time, they stung. Sebastian wouldn’t have made those comments if there weren’t a grain of truth to them, would he? 

Sebastian has never retracted those statements, so as far as Kurt is concerned, they stand.

Kurt flips his pencil over and starts erasing. He’ll pare down the extras – trade the Tiffany lamp for a banker’s lamp, replace the rug with something more Brooks Brothers than Pier 1.

Maybe he should just opt for another IKEA recreation, but that feels like copping out, going back on his word. 

He could always ask Sebastian. He swears his husband has passed by a few times, his footsteps rising and falling outside his door, but Kurt didn’t think anything of it. He figures Sebastian is passing through on his way to get something from the bedroom that he needs downstairs. Kurt doesn’t imagine the man is pacing the hallway, even if he is, trying to find a way to tell Kurt that lunch is ready. Little things like lunch, innocuous things, have become huge divides over the past few months. With anyone else, Sebastian has a history of railroading over them, hurt feelings be damned.

But Sebastian has learned his lesson. He paid a hefty price learning it, too.

Contemplating between clearing his throat so that Kurt knows he’s there and letting another meal go cold, he sees Kurt’s head lift up. It seems like an opening. Whether or not it is, Sebastian takes it.

“Lunch is ready.”

“Mm-hmm,” Kurt mumbles, brushing eraser shavings aside.

“Are you… are you coming downstairs?”

Kurt erases again, then pencils something on a sheet of paper that Sebastian can’t see. “Hmm… mmm?” 

It sounds like a question and an answer, but since Kurt doesn’t follow it up with anything, it most likely means that Kurt will be skipping lunch… again. Sebastian knocks idly on the door frame, giving Kurt a second longer to tell him for sure.

“Alright.” Disappointed, he turns to leave. “I guess I’ll come back up at dinner then.”

Kurt doesn’t know why the thought returns when he wasn’t even thinking about it, why it decided to nag at his brain when he had been able to ignore it for this long, but that’s the way his brain works now. His thoughts don’t always travel straight paths. They twist and turn, taking one thing and linking it to something unrelated. Erasing the ideas he’d sketched out, removing every inch of himself from Sebastian’s office, made him think about how eager he was to be rid of that word darling from above the window, and that ripped corner returns to his mind with a vengeance.

Well, as long as Sebastian is there, he might as well ask.

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian pauses in the doorway, not daring to move. “Yes?” 

“When was the last time you were here?” Kurt raised an eyebrow at the idea when it originally came to him. When would Sebastian have come to this house that Kurt didn’t know? They traveled Upstate once a year, but they always did it together as a family. And while they were here, Sebastian rarely ventured out alone. Sebastian isn’t the kind of person who would buy a house sight unseen. 

Unless he had found it during one of his outings with Grace. Which would mean that Grace had seen the inside. 

Grace would have seen this room and thought it would be hers, thought that they would someday live here, and Sebastian hid that word darling by the window for her and not Kurt.

The thought is so painful, it makes Kurt want to tear his nails out with his teeth so he’ll stop thinking about it.

Sebastian keeps his eyes locked to Kurt’s profile so he won’t miss the moment Kurt decides to look at him instead of the floor, the wall, or the ceiling.

“I found this house online. It wasn’t even on the market when I stumbled on it. To be honest, I’d only driven by it once. I hadn’t been inside until we moved in.”

“But you saw the inside,” Kurt asks. “Otherwise, how would you know about this room?”

“I took a virtual tour,” Sebastian admits sheepishly, “but it was extremely thorough. I’ve seen the blueprints, gone over the permits and the zoning. I had Tristan from the office look over the place when he came up to visit his folks. He facetimed me while he was here.” Sebastian furrows his brow. “Why? Is something wrong?”

Kurt’s heart beats regular again. Grace hadn’t seen it. 

Thank God. 

His eyes find the torn section of wallpaper, but they don’t stay there. He doesn’t want to clue Sebastian in about it if Sebastian doesn’t already know. He wants to uncover this mystery on his own. If Sebastian gets to keep secrets, big ones at that, then Kurt wants this one for himself. 

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I was just curious, you know. Wanted to understand your process. Why this house, why this neighborhood, that sort of thing.”

Kurt’s sentence comes out choppy. It’s odd how awkward talking has become for them. Sebastian used to think that the two things they had mastered were talking and fucking. They did both together with such ease. There were never any boundaries between them, emotionally or physically. Even when they were cutting each other down, which they did in the beginning, they did so with such finesse.

Not like now, when Sebastian is walking on eggshells and Kurt doesn’t want to hear half of what he has to say.

“If you come down for lunch, we can talk about my process. If you’re curious, that is.” Sebastian watches Kurt expectantly, waiting for an answer. 

And while Sebastian does, Kurt looks at his sketch – Sebastian’s office, the same way Sebastian always has it decorated. This is Sebastian without him and Grace: bland and emotionless, no light, little color, and no joy. Nothing exciting, nothing nuanced, nothing to indicate that he and Sebastian are together.

Not even those snapshots he’s so proud of.

Kurt hasn’t decided whether that’s a bleak picture or not. 

“Sure. I’ll be down in a sec,” Kurt decides because he does and doesn’t have an answer to that one. It changes as the day changes, and the days change too quickly. 

“Alright. I’ll be waiting.” Sebastian walks away, or Kurt thinks he does. He checks the time on his clock. It’s closing in on 2. 

Kurt glances up at the window, the dangling wallpaper bouncing with the breeze coming from a draft near the ceiling. It would be so easy to tear it down – grab an edge and rip, be done with it once and for all. It might even feel cathartic, exposing whatever is underneath it. But lunch is ready. He’s already left Sebastian waiting long enough.

He leaves that mystery for another day.

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track twelve

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Indy wondered why people in her life seemed to fixate on sunshine, as if it somehow fixed things. When she and Charlie were small and the sun was out, her parents were ushering them outside to get some fresh air, telling them it was good for them. Her first day of high school, when she was nauseous in the passenger seat at the thought of a new place with a new class schedule, her dad had said ‘at least it’s warm today’. The day of Nicole’s funeral, between the sympathetic smiles and awkward glances, Indy had lost count of the amount of people who commented on the beautiful sunshine outside that her mother wasn’t there to see. It grated on Indiana’s nerves, and she found herself enjoying the rainy days more in the years after her mother’s death, when the clouds were heavy and wet, booming with thunder she could feel shaking her floor. She sat at her windows and watched it fall, watched the world have to shift to accommodate a change in the sky, change in a way that it never did for her when she needed it to. 

The week before Bekah died, it rained every day. 

Monday marked seven days without treatment, and the effects were starting to show. Bekah had lost more weight, which Indy wasn’t even sure was possible. She kept her blankets on her at all times, the Christmas and Halloween ones layers on top of each other. 

She still shivered.

The rain fell outside the window, and Indy sat on the sill, thankful for the cold glass against her arm. It kept her in the moment, kept her mind in the room instead of in Los Angeles, wondering what was going through Grayson’s head that made him continue to ignore her calls. She didn’t have the energy to be pissed at him for leaving her abandoned - instead she was just worried, worried about the guilt she knew would overtake him when she finally was able to get ahold of him. 

Indiana’s schedule was PRN - meaning they only called her into the hospital when she was needed. She couldn’t tell if they actually did need her and were too nice to say, or if they were fully staffed, but they didn’t call her. Patrick had put his foot down with her hours at Jet’s too, and said he’d keep her on payroll as long as he could so she kept her benefits, but that he wasn’t putting her on the schedule either. 

So she put her skills to use for Bekah, and Bekah alone. Anything she needed, Indy knew where to get it on the floor. She funneled every ounce of energy into the girl in front of her, trying to take any of the burden off the Newcombs that she could. If Bekah needed ice chips, she was at the nurses station. In the supply closet to get fresh linens, the laundry to get clean hospital gowns. She helped her get changed, get showered as best she could - it was less mortifying for Bekah to have Indiana help her than her parents, who were nervous enough they would hurt her as it was. 

When Bekah was awake, she was trying. Putting on her brightest smile, doing her best to perk up for her parents and Indiana. But when her parents would leave, which wasn’t often - only to go get fresh clothes, or grab dinner in the cafe - Bekah would deflate. She’d sigh and lean back against her pillows and try to catch her breath. They went home that night to eat a real dinner with promises to bring some back for Bekah, and as soon as they kissed her goodbye, she relaxed back and closed her eyes. Indiana watched her for a moment, and reached out to hold her hand.

“It’s okay Beks. They know you’re tired, you’re allowed to show it.”

“Says you,” she muttered. “Haven’t seen you sleep since I went off meds.”

Indy swallowed. “I sleep when you sleep.”

“Liar.” 

“How do you feel?” She changed the subject.

“Like I’m dying.”

Indy choked, and Bekah laughed dryly. “C’mon, that was a good one. And don’t say it isn’t, cause you know I’m right.” 

It took all of Indy’s strength not to try to coat it all in some toxic positivity, tell her it wasn’t that bad, that she would feel better, that she would get better - the things she’d been telling her all the years she’d known her. 

They weren’t true, and she had to be okay with that.

“I really do think it’ll be this week,” Bekah said, picking at balls of lint on her blanket. 

“Why do you think that?” Indy kept her tone as neutral as she could.

“I feel it. Feels… different. I want to go in my sleep, if I can. Think it’ll be easier for everyone that way. Is there a way to make that happen?” 

Indy put on her hospital smile. “That’s usually how it goes babe, when you let someone go naturally. Your body gets tired, and you sleep, and then you go.”

She pondered on that for a moment, sat with it, and then she nodded, firm and confident.

“Okay. Good. That’ll be good.”

Indy hoped that one day she could have half the bravery of the girl sitting in front of her, with her thin arms and her purple head scarf, her small smile and stern gaze. 

“Can we have milkshakes? And watch some of Grayson’s videos before my parents get back?”

Indy swallowed. “Of course. I’ll go get them, you rest.”

She was glad she could pull strings - the kitchen was usually closed to requests after dinner, but Daniel downstairs was always nice when she called. Sure enough, by the time she’d swiped through all the doors and made it to the kitchen, he had two vanilla milkshakes with extra whipped cream, and sprinkles on Bekah’s. 

“Thanks D!” 

“You’re welcome other D,” Daniel smiled. The hole in Indy’s chest rubbed raw, and she turned quickly before he could think he did something wrong. She breathed, timed her inhales with her steps as she traversed the halls.

It didn’t help, because when she walked into Bekah’s room she heard him.

Only this time, we’re getting sinus surgery

“Ooo, sprinkles!” Beks smiled and reached out a hand, waiting for Indy to pass her the milkshake. 

She did, and she settled next to her on the bed with her own, leaning just far enough back so that Bekah couldn’t see her face.

The videos were always harder. He was still all over her social media, pictures and screenshots and people tagging the two of them on tea pages. He was still in her phone too - the outgoing calls, the photos in her camera roll. But the videos were the worst, because it was him. His mannerisms, his eyebrows that curved when he talked, his tongue that peeked through his smile when he laughed just hard enough. 

She watched anyways, let the ache fester and make her feel something. She stared at his sunburnt nose, and listened to him talk about his once deviated septum that they didn’t actually fix - he still snored loud enough to wake her up some nights. She missed it. 

Bekah laughed at every funny comment the boys made under their anesthesia in the video, and it was music to Indy’s ears, heartwarming enough for her to be able to stomach watching. By 15 minutes in, Bekah had abandoned her milkshake, the whipped cream dissolving down into the ice cream as her head lulled onto Indy’s shoulder and she fell asleep. 

With a shaky hand, Indy checked her pulse. 

Slow, but steady. 

She turned off the TV.

In California, the fight didn’t start until Tuesday night. The house had been full of tension for almost a week, and the usual LA sunshine didn’t help to lighten the mood.

Grayson had become a recluse. He’d fallen back on the earlier method of locking his phone in a box in an attempt to save his sanity, which was even more fragile from the doom scrolling he’d found himself doing as people speculated every single detail of his life online. The black metal cube sat on a table in the living room, and he only saw it on the few occasions that he ventured out to the kitchen for food. 

Even in his limited excursions, he felt the awkward energy radiating from his twin and Eden. They’d had their spats in the past, just like any couple, but there was something different about this one that had Grayson glad he was out of the room when Eden finally cleared her throat and looked at her boyfriend.

“Are we gonna talk about this?”

Ethan picked at a scab on his forearm - he’d been longboarding again as an excuse to get out of the house. 

“Talk about what?”

“Talk about why we aren’t talking,” she huffed. “You’re mad at me.” 

“Correct,” Ethan said. 

“Tell me why then.”

He looked at her incredulously. “You have to ask?” 

Eden swallowed down her anger, knowing it wouldn’t help anything. She waited. They sat in stalemate for a moment and she watched it boil up in Ethan before he sighed and turned in his chair towards her.

“Being hateful to me when you’re upset is one thing, because I signed up for that. But to my brother? When he’s doing pretty much as bad as I’ve ever seen him? Not okay. At all.” 

“Ethan-”

“And I’m all for the tough love approach or whatever, but that was fucked up. He was just starting to do a little bit better and now look at him.” 

“Better? You thought that was better?” 

“He was eating at least, and still trying to work a little bit. Now, he’s barely able to do the podcast, much less anything else.”

“You all were already going to cut the main channel, that’s not because of this,” she argued.

“I’m talking everything else Eden. The businesses. Figuring out what the fuck we’re gonna do. He said the other day we could split time between here and Jersey, which really means here and New York if we only do the podcast.”

“And he didn’t think of that as an option before he broke up with Indiana? Makes sense.”

Ethan ignored her and kept going.

“At least he’s thinking about the future, which is better than before. I need him. But I need him, and you yelling at him set him back to square one.”

“If you thought he was even close to out of square one you’re blind.”

“Don’t act like you know my fucking twin better than I do,” Ethan snapped, and if it wasn’t for the protective nature in his tone, Eden would have lost it. 

“Ethan.” She waited until he looked up at her, and she saw some of the anger leave his eyes when they met her. “He wasn’t getting better, because he was holding on. Fuck, he still is!”

“Telling him to let go isn’t going to make him let go! Have you met him? He’s the most stubborn fucking person on the face of this fucking earth! He already wants to go back, he’s not gonna let go!”

She could think of one person that could rival him for the title, but she kept it to herself. 

“He’ll do it if he thinks he’s doing it for her,” Eden explained. “Don’t you see that? That’s why he did all of this. In his head, somehow, he thinks he’s doing what’s best for Indy. But he fucked her over, royally.”

“He knows that,” Ethan said. 

“Okay, great! But he has to let go of her, because she won’t. Indy is an optimist if I’ve ever fucking met one, and she will always hope that he’s gonna come back, so he can’t do anything to feed into it. That’s torture, for both of them. And they both deserve better than that.”

Ethan couldn’t find a grip hold for an argument - one of the many reasons he hated arguing with Eden. So he sat in silence for a moment and accepted his defeat.

“You didn’t have to call him a moron,” he added.

“Anyone who let’s Indiana Cross slip through their fingers is a moron,” she muttered, shoulders relaxing as she realized the fight was over. “But yeah, that was probably a little harsh. I’ll apologize for that one.” She sighed, glad that everything was out on the table for the time being, smiling when Ethan patted his thigh once for her to sit on. She climbed up and nuzzled into his neck - she’d missed being so close to him the last few days. She soaked in the moment, running her fingers over the neck of his henley. 

“Is it weird that I miss her? I mean, I know I haven’t known her very long, but she really felt like part of the family.”

“I miss her too,” Ethan sighed, pressing a kiss to Eden’s temple. 

She pondered her apology to Grayson as she relaxed into his arms, but it was futile.

Grayson had been listening, standing in the hallway outside his door.  

There were no tears; just an overwhelming numbness that had settled over him in the last few days. Eden’s words were the final nail in the coffin - he couldn’t reach out to Indy, though it got more and more tempting each day. He’d promised not to hurt her more than he already had, and he was going to stick to his word. Someone important had taught him that. 

He retreated to his room and sat on the edge of the bed before he spoke. 

“Hey dad.” 

He always waited, just for a moment. Just in case. The silence was always loud, but it was deafening as he curled in on himself, staring down at the grains of wood in the floor.

“Dad I think I really fucked up this time,” he whispered. He willed the tears, but they didn’t come, though his eyes still burned. “I wish you were here. I wish you could have met her.” 

As he sat, he remembered what his dad had said in those last few days, in the few hours that he was awake, when he fought off the pain and the fatigue to be there for his kids and his wife. I’ll always be there, you can always talk to me. Just say whatever you would if I was right there beside you, cause I will be.

So he did. He spoke as if he could feel the weight of his dad on the bed beside him, feel his arm around his shoulder. 

Grayson sat on the edge of his bed and told Sean everything about the girl that he still loved. Her intelligence, her laugh, her smile, the way he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to love someone else. He lost track of how long he talked, run on sentences and gestures that only made it more obvious that his dad wasn’t there to tell him to slow down and take a breath before he talked himself into a pump from his inhaler. When he ran out of words, he did the only thing he knew to do when all else went wrong; turned his shower on as hot as he could stand it, sat down on the bench so the water ran over him, and thought of Indy. 

The storm rolled into the city on Wednesday - unprecedented and angry, snarling the clouds in swirls of dark, heavy gray and dumping down over the skyscrapers of New York. 

Indiana was watching the monitors. Her eyes jumped with each pulse of Bekah’s heart, which was beating faster than her usual. Her blood pressure was low, her breathing more irregular. Indy could see the textbook page in her head - actively dying. She’d learned the vital signs to look for, and how to fix them, what medicines to push. 

But she wasn’t supposed to be making Bekah better, and that was the hardest part.

Thunder shook the room, and Bekah shivered. Mrs. Newcomb wrung her hands, and her husband ran a hand along her shoulders. 

“She hasn’t woken up all day,” she murmured. 

“She’s resting baby, it’s okay.” 

Bekah’s monitors began to beep a bit faster. Her heart rate slowly rose - 82, then 85, then 90. Indy watched, her nerves prickling, eyes darting to the clipboard at the end of her bed, with DNR in bright red block letters - do not resuscitate. Bekah whimpered, her head turning into her pillow as her breathing got quicker, her heart working in overtime to try to keep her body afloat.

Mrs. Newcomb rushed to her daughter’s side, running a hand over her cheek as she began to cry.

“Bekah, sweetheart breathe, just breathe baby, don’t go yet, don’t go,” she pleaded, and Indy bit back her cries. Two nurses showed up in the doorway, waiting. There was nothing they could do but watch, and answer questions if they were asked.

Bekah’s father turned to the corner.

“Indiana, Indiana what’s happening to my baby?” He cried. It was enough to break Indy out of her trance, and she moved over to the bedside, resting a hand on Bekah’s leg. 

“Her body is trying to decide what to do. It’s tired, and with her blood pressure going down, her heart is work harder to move her blood around. That’s why it’s faster,” she explained. “She’s not in pain right now, her medicine should still be working. It probably just feels a bit scary.” 

Mr. Newcomb took her hand, and squeezed. Indy looked back to the monitors, unable to bear looking down at Bekah. She watched the blips on the monitor start to regulate again, sinus rhythm reappearing, allowing both of them to breathe easier. Bekah groaned a bit and settled into her covers, and a broken sob made its way out of Mrs. Newcomb’s throat. 

“I need a minute,” she said, and then she was headed for the door with a hand over her mouth. It was the second time she was sick that day. Mr. Newcomb took her to the cafeteria to get a Sprite, and Indy took her usual spot, perched on the edge of Bekah’s bed. She took her hand, tensing a bit with how cold it was. She rubbed it, bringing it up to her lips to blow warmth into her palm as best she could.

Bekah stirred, and her eyes opened for the first time in many hours.

“Hey,” Indy said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

“What was all that noise?” Bekah’s voice was croaky, but she shook her head when Indy offered her a drink of water.

“Your monitors. They’re loud aren’t they?”

“Yeah. Annoying as hell,” she mumbled, then opened her eyes a bit wider, scanning the room for her mother. 

“Language,” Indy teased. 

“Why were they going off?” 

It took all of Indy’s strength not to lie.

“Your heart rate picked up because your blood pressure went down. That’s something that happens…”

“Oh. It means it’s getting close isn’t it.”

Indy nodded and squeezed her hand. Bekah took a moment to process, and then she turned her head back to her friend.

“Is Grayson here yet?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Well, he better come soon if he wants to see me. Tell him to hurry, since I’m dying and shit.”

“Language,” Indy whispered it so her voice didn’t crack. Bekah played with the edge of her blanket.

“Am I supposed to be scared?”

“There’s no right or wrong way to be right now Beks. You just do what you need and feel how you feel, and we’ll be here the whole time, okay? We’re right here.” 

“You need to not be here,” Bekah said, and Indy’s breath caught in her throat. 

“Oh.”

“You need sleep, and a shower. I won’t die while you’re gone if I can help it. Promise.” She wrapped her pinky around Indy’s as best she could.

Before she could refuse, the Newcombs appeared back through the door, delighted to see their daughter awake. She sat up a bit straighter in bed and put on her best smile, Indy’s heart tightening at the sight. 

“Go,” Bekah whispered through her smile. She squeezed her hand one more time, and then let go, walking up to Mrs. Newcomb.

“I’m gonna go get freshened up and grab some clean clothes, but will you text me if anything changes? I live right down the street, so I can be back here really quick,” she explained, trying to ignore the growing look of pity in her eyes. 

“Of course dear. But you go home for the night, we’ll be alright. I’ll call you if anything changes, you need your rest. You’ve been here so long, have a night of normalcy at home and come back fresh tomorrow, okay?”

Indy nodded - it was all she could do. She blew Bekah a kiss and walked out the door, pausing when she noticed something had changed. 

A small blue heart had been placed by her room number - a signal that made Indy’s heart sink. Bekah was officially dying, and it was there for every nurse and visitor on the unit to see, to signify they needed to respect privacy and be quiet when they were close by. 

It made no sense, for that to be her breaking point. She’d known. She’d seen it, in her vitals and her demeanor and the fact that just their conversation was enough to have her ready to sleep for another 8 hours. 

But that little blue heart was her undoing, and she clutched her chest for the entire walk out of the hospital, down the stairs and out into the pouring rain. The thought of her empty apartment, with no Grayson and no Charlie and no Devin was too much - instead, she found herself running down the sidewalk past the lobby to the parking garage, shoes sloshing with water by the time she made it under the concrete. 

The valet didn’t ask questions when she passed over her key, shivering as she waited for him to bring her car out. As soon as she climbed in she hit the gas, ready to drive somewhere, anywhere, that wasn’t her home. The road was blurry despite the rapid back and forth of her windshield wipers, but she trudged on, just coherent enough to keep her tires between the white lines as she fled the city. The river was swollen when she drove over the bridge into Jersey, and she let herself zone out, let her mind take her wherever it wanted to go. 

She knew where she would end up.

The crunch of gravel was familiar under her tires when she turned off the winding road. It was a comforting sound, though it was muffled by the rain, and it wasn’t until she was close enough to the white house to see that the kitchen light was on that she realized what she was doing.

She put the car in park, ready to shift it to reverse until a small figure appeared on the front porch, waving her inside. 

Her earlier words rang in her ears. My door is always open.

She hoped it was true as she flung her car door open and bolted for the protection of the porch. 

Lisa was waiting for her, standing in her pajamas with worry written all over her face.

“Indiana? Sweetheart, are you okay?”

All Indy could do was sob. She hated it, and the voice in her head berated her over and over, reminded her she had no place there anymore, that she was putting Lisa in a terrible position. But the feeling of a mother’s arms around her wasn’t something she could fight against, and she crumpled into her and let herself be held. 

“Shhh. Shhh, you’re okay,” she hummed, running a hand over Indy’s blonde hair that was soaking wet. “Let’s get you inside and get warmed up.”

Indy let herself be led in, shoulders relaxing a bit at the familiarity of where she was until she spotted Grayson’s work boots in the corner and recoiled back. Lisa sat her down in a chair in the kitchen and squatted down until they were eye level.

“Are you hurt?”

Indy shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Is everything okay?” Her tone gave away that she already knew the answer, but Indy shook her head again anyways. Lisa patted her leg and sighed quietly, reaching up to brush some of her hair back.

“Does Grayson know you’re here?”

The squeak that escaped Indy’s lips was the only warning before she let out a sob so loud that Gizmo yelled in shock. 

“I’m s-s-s-orry,” she choked, crumpling with her face in her hands.

“No, no no shhh, it’s okay sweetheart. It’s alright, you’re okay.” Lisa pulled her to her as best she could, rocking just barely as she held her. 

“No, I shouldn’t have come, I don’t want to make things difficult for you with - him.” Indy couldn’t get herself to say his name and Lisa just shook her head. 

“Babe I told you that I would be here for you no matter what, and I meant it, okay? I won’t tell him you’re here unless I need to. You can stay as long as you need, you hear me?” She used her thumbs to wipe at Indy’s tears, frowning at the dark circles she found.

“Sweetheart, when was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?”

Indy’s silence was enough. 

“Well, it’s late, and I think sleep is the first thing you need. We can talk tomorrow, but right now, you go up and climb into bed okay? They’re all made up, you can sleep wherever you’d like. Do you need anything, or do you remember where everything is.”

“I remember,” Indy whispered, taking in a shaky breath. “Thank you Li.”

“Of course. You’re a part of this family, always. Now, get some rest. You know where I am if you need me.”

She kissed her forehead and disappeared up the stairs. Indy wasn’t sure how long it took to get herself together and muster the energy to climb those same stairs, take a left into the room she’d been in so many times before. 

It still smelled a bit like him, and she couldn’t help but to take a few deep breaths, closing her eyes and pretending he was right there, sprawled out in bed with the blanket held up for her like the first time she’d slept over. It was the same blanket when she opened her eyes again, and the thought of climbing into it without him waiting for her made her sick to her stomach. She couldn’t look at the bed any longer, so she turned to the closet, sighing when she saw all the warm clothes that were far too much fabric for LA, even in the winter. It was almost unconscious, the way she found herself in front of his shirts, running her fingers over the various fabric until she landed on a familiar flannel. Checkered, with blue, white and black squares. Thick and warm, he’d worn it once when they went out to check on the progress of the tiny homes, and she’d woven her arms underneath it when she reached around him to hold on as he drove them through the trees. 

Before she could stop herself, she snatched it off the hanger and pushed her arms through the sleeves, eyes prickling at the realization that she felt close to him for the first time in weeks, yet he was still so far away. She retreated back to the bedroom, grabbing one of the pillows and carrying it downstairs, all the way to the couch in the living room. The blankets were still in the basket in the corner, and she grabbed her favorite one before she curled up under it on the cold leather, pulling the flannel fabric up around her chin and closing her eyes. 

In the kitchen, Gizmo turned on her perch and cocked her head.

“Dee,” she said, but Indiana was already asleep.

It was the best sleep she had in weeks - the peace of knowing that she wasn’t truly alone enough for her body to force her to catch up. Lisa was surprised to see her still curled up on the couch at 9:30 the next morning when she got ready for work as the rain continued outside. She watched her sleep for a few moments, heart tight at the way her eyebrows were still furrowed and her face buried in the collar of a shirt she was sure was her son’s. 

She didn’t know the details, but she knew Grayson well enough to put together the pieces. But she also knew he wouldn’t let Indiana suffer this much if he truly knew how she was doing. It had to be bad if Indiana even considered coming out to the house, and it gave Lisa a level of mom anxiety she hadn’t had since the boys had picked up longboarding again. She wondered how he’d let it go on so long in the first place, and after a moment of debating, she scribbled down a note for Indy, went out to her car as quietly as she could, and called her son. 

His phone sent her straight to voicemail. She tried again. Voicemail. With the third dial tone she couldn’t help the pit that grew in her stomach, an automatic mom reflex when your child is unreachable. 

Instead, she called Ethan. It rang four times and then she heard a muffled groan and rustling before his voice came through the line.

“Ma, it’s 6:30 in the morning,” he grumbled, voice raspy and dry. “You okay?”

“Why isn’t your brother answering his phone? Are you two okay?”

Ethan sighed, annoyed. “He’s fine Mom, he’s just doing a detox from his phone. People were being shitty. He’s asleep down the hall, not dead in a ditch somewhere,” Ethan chuckled. Lisa wasn’t amused.

“Well, wake him up and un-detox him. He needs to call Indiana. Now.” 

Ethan sat up in bed.

“Indy? Why, what’s wrong?”

“That’s for him to figure out. All I know is, she’s not doing well and he needs to call her. Now.” 

“What happened?”

“Just make sure he calls her, alright? I’ve gotta get to work, I love you.”

“Alright, love you too.”

As soon as he hung up, he was on his feet, rushing down the hallway and throwing Grayson’s door open. He ran to the edge of his bed, shaking his shoulder until he groaned and opened his eyes. 

“The fuck do you want,” he grumbled.

“You need to call Indiana, I just got off the phone with Ma. Something’s wrong.”

Grayson felt sick. 

“What happened? Is she safe, is she okay?”

“I don’t know, you just need to call her.”

“You don’t know? You don’t know? The fuck do you mean you don’t know Ethan?” Grayson was yelling, but he was on his feet as he spoke, headed down the hallway in search of the lock box. He rummaged through the kitchen drawer until he found the key, hands so shaky it took three tries to unlock the metal contraption. 

His phone was dead when he pulled it out, and it took all his willpower to keep from chucking it at the glass doors.

“Yours, give me yours.”

Ethan was a step ahead of him, already having Indiana’s contact pulled up. Grayson snatched it and hit the call button, heart pounding in his ears as he waited for her to answer.

Indy woke up to the buzzing of her phone against her arm where she’d tucked it the night before. Her eyes flew open - it must be Mrs. Newcomb, calling to tell her that Bekah had gotten worse. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes until she could read the name on her screen.

Ethan.

Her heart sank. She’d thought to call him more times than she wanted to admit, but she figured calling your ex's twin when said ex didn’t want to talk to you was crossing some moral line. Though as she sat on his mother’s couch, she figured it was time to get over the morals and do what she needed to do.

She swiped to answer. 

“Dee? Are you okay? Are you safe?”

She couldn’t breathe. Her mouth opened and closed again as she tried to find something to say to the only person she’d wanted to talk to in almost three weeks. She hadn’t had time to prep herself, to give her heart a warning.

“Baby talk to me, tell me you’re okay,” he pleaded, and the pain in his voice was enough to snap her out of it. 

“Grayson?” was all she could say.

“Yeah, it’s me. What’s wrong, are you hurt?”

“No, no I’m okay, I’m fine.”

Grayson took a breath for the first time since she picked up the phone. Suddenly, he wasn’t sure what to say, the panic dissipating and leaving his brain blank. Luckily, she spoke.

“I’ve been trying to call you,” she said. 

“I know. Indiana I’m sor-”

“It’s Beks.” 

His heart skipped a beat, and the silence rang in his ears as he clutched onto the back of the couch. Ethan, who had been eavesdropping from the kitchen, moved closer. Grayson waited for her to speak, to say it so he didn’t have to ask. 

“Is she-”

“No.” Indy’s voice broke. “But…”

“Oh god. Fuck. Fuck Indy.” His knees wobbled beneath him. 

“She isn’t in any pain, we’ve been keeping her comfortable. But it’s probably gonna be in the next few days,” she whispered between sniffles, her voice squeaky and small as she fought to get the words out.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to have to tell you over the phone but... “ she trailed off. “She asked when you were coming to see her, and I didn’t know what to say.”

The tears were burning as they slid down his cheeks. He squeezed his eyes closed, fighting the imagery of Bekah in her hospital bed, calling out for him.

“Indy-”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say so I just said you’d be there soon. If you can’t come she probably won’t remember, but I just wanted you to know, in case you wanted to be here. To see her, before…”

“I’m coming. I’ll be right there okay? I’m going to the airport now, I’ll be right there.” 

Indy was silent for a moment, her eyes flickering to the rain outside. 

“Fly safe. It’s storming here.”

“I will. I’ll see you soon okay? Just hold on, I’ll be there.” 

“Okay.”

That sat in silence for a moment until Indiana finally hung up.

“I’m going with you,” Ethan said. He didn’t need context - all he knew is his brother needed him. Grayson nodded once, passed him his phone and headed straight for his room. He packed blindly, throwing things into his suitcase without bothering to fold them, just desperate to get on the road to the airport and get back to New York. Ethan was two steps behind him when he finally made it to the door, his phone pressed to his ear as he tried to explain the situation as best he could to a very worried Eden. Grayson loaded the bags as Ethan climbed into the driver’s seat, leaving the charger open for Grayson’s still dead phone. Ethan practically peeled out of the driveway towards LAX, the cab filled with silence apart from the hum of the engine and the quiet sniffles from Gray when his phone turned back on and he saw all the missed texts and calls from Indiana who had been trying so desperately to reach him. The guilt made him queasy, and Ethan’s driving didn’t help as he hopped lanes and sped on, praying no cops were on the road. 

Grayson’s knee bounced impatiently as they waited in the line for parking, paying an astronomical amount seeing that they didn’t know when they would be back. Then they were running, dragging their bags behind them on the asphalt and beelining for the front desk. The attendants eyes went wide when they requested the next flight to New York at the exact same time. It wasn’t taking off for three more hours, much to their dismay, but they accepted it and headed towards security with their heads low and phones in hand.

The next flight doesn’t leave until around 10 but we’ll be on it. I’m sorry.

He watched the bubbles appear and disappear three times over, and then her response came.

nothing to be sorry for. I’m back at the hospital with her, she’s resting. I’ll keep you updated. the storm is still really bad here, please be careful

He wished he could reach out and hold her hand, ease her anxiety about his flight. He couldn’t imagine the emotion of that on top of everything else, so he said all he could think to.

I’ll be safe, and I’ll be there soon. 

He typed I love you and deleted it before he sent it. 

And then, it was a waiting game. The boys kept their hoods up and their heads down in hopes they wouldn’t be recognized. It seemed the universe was in their favor for the time being, no one bothering them while they waited, but it took a turn when their flight was delayed for weather not once, but twice, pushing their departure time to 2pm instead. He apologized again, agonizing over the thought of Indy sitting in the hospital by herself, but her response was the same.

she’s still resting, it’s okay. just be safe.

“We’re doing everything we can,” Ethan tried to reassure him, but he knew it was futile.

“I should have been there. I should have never left her in the first place Ethan, I’m an idiot.”

“You couldn’t have known this was going to happen. You told me she was getting better.”

He thought his brother was still talking about Bekah, and the queasiness returned. 

“She was.” 

They sat in silence as the hours crawled by. Ethan bought them lunch from a vegan salad shop down the terminal, even got his brother one of the protein coffee drinks he liked. Grayson picked at the lettuce and left it abandoned for his twin to finish. His only solace was his headphones that he kept pressed far into his ears with a constant stream of Cudi to keep him sane. After what felt like an eternity, they called for boarding. He texted her again to let her know he was on his way, and in a cruel play of the universe or whatever it was, Teleport 2 Me Jamie began to play. 

His eyes were blurry as he followed Ethan to their seats, climbing in by the window and readjusting his hood so it folded around his face as much as it could, hiding. Ethan leaned forward and acted like he was reading the SkyMagazine he found in the back of his seat, shielding his brother from view as best he could. 

They’d been on a flight like this before. January of 2019 - it had been raining that day too, but they had both been crying that day. So he stayed strong for his brother as best he could, got him a gingerale when the flight attendant passed by, and left Grayson alone. 

Indy wished someone would talk to her. She wished Bekah would wake up again - it had been hours of silence apart from the beeps of her monitor and the footsteps of the nurses outside the door. It was never truly silent in a hospital after all. But she was glad that she slept despite the loneliness. She hoped it would mean that she had energy for when Grayson made it to the hospital.

Grayson.

Her brain didn’t have the space to process that he would be there in the next six hours. His text that said he had boarded barely even registered in her mind, but her body was aware. Her anxiety picked up ten fold, her leg bouncing until it cramped, her lungs tight and fingernails bit down to the nail beds. The rain was relentless, as if the city were drowning already and it decided to add more for the fun of it, to watch the humans run around like ants in their multicolored raincoats. The universe was sick that way. 

Mr. Newcomb returned from the nurses station where he’d insisted on dropping off some cookies he’d bought at the store. He was quiet as he came into the room, eyes on his daughter until he finally peeled them away to look at Indy. 

“Do you think she’ll be asleep a little while longer? We were hoping to take some of her clothes home and wash them, so she has her choice from all her favorites for the next few days.”

“I think so. My… friend is coming later. Her other buddy, from the program. We’ll keep her company if you guys need to eat and get some sleep for a few hours. I can text you if anything changes.”

“I’ll see if I can convince Martina to get some shut eye I will,” he laughed, giving Indy a grateful smile and taking one more glance at his girl before he gathered her laundry and left. It only hit Indiana when he stepped out that she had never known Martina’s name until then. Bekah’s father was named Tarin, she knew that much. But she’d never even gotten to a first name basis with Martina. In all the years they’d known each other, and all the hours in hospital rooms and tears shared, she’d never been anything but Bekah’s mom to Indy. It wasn’t uncommon for Indiana to keep mom’s at an arm’s length from her. A protective mechanism she’d never consciously implemented, but it prevailed nonetheless. 

She wondered if Bekah would have wanted to be a mom someday. When she was 13 she’d insisted that men were trash and that she’d never get married even if she made it through all her cancer, but as she’d gotten a bit older she loved to talk about all her celebrity crushes. Indy looked in her side drawer and smiled when she found the little picture of Harry Styles she’d given her during her last round of treatment - she’d taken it with her to every room since. 

Indy paced the room, her anxiety to high to allow her to sit. She thought of Grayson on a plane somewhere, the metal tube rocking in the sky, cutting through the clouds. When she would get to the window she’d look up, hoping to see the lights from the wing of a plane somewhere, hoping it was his and that it was coming down safely. 

She paced for two more hours before her phone buzzed. 

Landed. I should be there in about 40. She still asleep?

Indy took in her first deep breath in hours.

yeah, she’s still out. I’ll meet you in the ocean hallway so you don’t have to buzz in, just text me when you’re close.

Will do.

Ma is picking us up so as soon as we get out we’ll head straight there

Ethan is with me but he’s just gonna go home with her for now

sounds good 

She didn’t have much to say, her stomach fluttering against her will. Her emotions were too unbalanced for her to even know what was happening. Excitement, and fear and grief and anxiety and anger and confusion, all at once somehow. She wrapped her arms around herself to try to hold it together and went back to pacing.

Grayson was soaked by the time he made it into Lisa’s car, scurrying into the backseat and barking out directions harsher than he meant to.

“I already have it in the GPS. Calm down,” Lisa said, giving Ethan a side eye in the passenger seat. 

“Sorry,” Grayson muttered, ringing his hands.

“S’alright babe,” Lisa sighed, reaching an arm back to pat his leg where she could reach. They drove in silence, listening to the rain smack against the roof and the windshield until Ethan spoke up.

“Did Indy call you? Is that how you knew something was wrong?” He asked Lisa. He hadn’t said anything, but he was worried too. 

Lisa debated it for a moment, and then she sighed. 

“She was upset, and she needed to get in touch with Grayson,” was all she said. “The rest of it, she can tell you.”

Gray didn’t have the energy to be annoyed. Every ounce he had was involved in the visuals flipping through his mind like a viewfinder; Indy in the ocean hallway, Bekah and her halloween blanket, the tiny homes, Indy’s tears in the airport. He hadn’t imagined that the next time he saw her would be like this. He wanted it to be different. Better. He wanted everything to be better. 

When they finally made it to the hospital, Lisa pulled to the curb and turned to her youngest son with a serious look.

“You take care of her, but you take care of you too, okay? I love you.”

Grayson’s nose burned and he nodded once before he ducked out into the rain. 

Indy stopped walking, and breathing, when her phone buzzed again. 

Here. Omw up

She liked the message, fixed Bekah’s blankets and headed out into the hallway and through the doors. The smiles of the marine life were haunting as she waited for any sign that he was close. 

Her head whipped up when she heard the familiar clammer of the far doors being pushed open.

He was wearing his yellow Cudi hoodie, but it was the wrong color. The fabric was darker than she remembered, darker than the picture she had of him in it, the one she’d taken in Jet’s once. It didn’t process that it was because it was wet until he was halfway down the hall. His hair was a bit longer than it had been, without Lisa there to trim it up. And his beard was full and scruffy and dark, hiding away his jaw line. She could still tell that his teeth were clenched though, his nerves palpable as he got closer and closer to her.

His shoe squeaked when he stopped in front of her. Neither of them breathed for a moment. They just stared at each other. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets to keep himself from hugging her, from crossing a boundary that he wished he’d never set. 

“Hi,” he said. 

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“Hey. How was your flight?”

“Long, but not too bumpy.”

Another painful beat of silence.

“How is she?”

“She’s still asleep, but we can wake her up. Meds are coming soon, just stuff to keep her comfortable. Her vitals are still okay, she’s just a bit groggy. But she’s excited to see you.” Indy offered him a small smile, and it had his knees ready to give out beneath him.

“And you? Are you okay?” He asked. 

Indy’s smile faded, and she looked at the jellyfish.

“That doesn’t matter right now. C’mon, let’s go see her.”

Indy used her badge to swipe into the door, but Grayson’s throat was too tight to ask her about it. Instead he just followed her down the familiar hallway, trying to avoid the looks of pity from the nurses who recognized him. 

Indy caught his wrist before he walked into the room.

“I didn’t… she doesn’t know about… us. I didn’t want to upset her, and it never really came up. I’m sorry,” she whispered. She sounded ashamed, but all Grayson could focus on was the feeling of her hand on his skin again, even if it was just a few fingers.

“Okay. That’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Indy walked into the room, the most hesitant that Grayson had ever seen her.

Beks looked cold. Even cuddled under her blankets she looked like she was freezing, and Grayson had trouble breathing. Indy went to the side of her bed, ran her thumb across her cheek and over to her shoulder where she squeezed gently.

“Beks, hey. Bekah,” she used her most gentle voice until the youngster stirred. “Someone’s here to see you.”

Grayson pulled it together in the last moment before Bekah opened her eyes.

“Earrings,” she sighed, a small smile on her lips. It was the most expression Indy had seen all day. “You made it.”

“Of course I did sweet girl,” he chuckled to hide his pain, moving beside Indy and crouching down so Bekah could see him easier. “Sorry it took me so long.”

“S’okay. We all know you’re slow,” she teased. “Hey, no tears. No crying in Bekah’s room.”

He hadn’t even realized he was until she said it, and he used his hoodie to wipe his eyes.

“Sorry Beks. Just missed you is all.”

“Yeah, well we missed you too. Did you convince my parents to go home?”

“Yeah,” Indy answered. “They’re getting some rest and bringing you some clean clothes.”

“Mmm, good. I think that black hoodie is a good one to die in,” she said, body shaking just barely with a laugh that turned into a cough.

“Pardon the death jokes, you’ll get used to them,” Bekah smiled at Grayson and the shock on his face once her throat cleared enough.

He thought of Sean, how he had pretended everything was fine until the very end, and he smiled. 

“Don’t you think a black death hoodie is a little on the nose?” He said, and Bekah laughed. It sounded the most like her real one since she’d been off her treatment, and it warmed Indy’s soul.

“Fair point. Maybe I should go with blue. You think someone will let me into heaven if I’m in blue or will I just blend in with the sky?”

“I don’t think anyone has to let you in,” Indy said with a laugh, crouching down next to Grayson. Their knees bumped together. “Pretty sure you just end up there.”

“I hope so. There’s no one there to find me anyways.” The playful edge was gone from her voice, and Grayson frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m the first one. I mean, I guess my grandma is up there but I never knew her. Everybody always talks about how their family will be there, when they go.” She paused, taking a few deep breaths to get her energy back. She hadn’t talked so much in days, and her heart rate was rising from the exertion of it. The pair waited patiently, giving her the time she needed to finish her thought. 

“I don’t have anyone to die for, anybody waiting on me. I gotta find my way in there alone.”

The innocence of it was enough to rip Indy’s heart in half, and she couldn’t find the comforting words that she wanted to give. But Grayson cleared his throat.

“You won’t be alone. I know of at least two people who will be right there waiting for you.”

She perked up a bit, eyes opening wider from where they’d started to close. “Really?”

“Yeah. My dad. He looks kinda like me, but shorter, with a better beard. His name is Sean.”

Bekah smiled. “Whose the other one?”

“A tall blonde lady named Nicole. Indy’s mom. Looks just like her, you won’t be able to miss her. They’ll help you, and keep you safe.” The sincerity in his voice was enough for Indy to realize he desperately wanted it to be true. She turned her head to hide her tears, clinging onto the bed rail to keep herself steady. 

“That sounds nice,” Bekah breathed, her eyes slowly closing. “You all want me to tell them anything, when I get there?”

It was Grayson’s turn to lose his voice.

“No babe. We can tell them when we get up there.” Indy answered after a moment too long.

“That better not be for a long time. I gotta have some entertainment. Watch you all grow up and get married and have kids. You better name one after me too,” she sighed, her voice getting quieter as her heart sped up. 

“You bet,” Grayson said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead as her breathing slowed and evened out again. It was slower than it should be, and Grayson realized his own breathing was fast… too fast. He brought a hand to his chest, then his other to cover his mouth and keep himself quiet.

“Shh, shhh hey, you’re okay, here, c’mon, you’re okay.” Indy’s voice was in his ear, her arms under his to try and guide him up to his feet, then out to the hallway. She held his arm and pulled him over into a supply closet that she swiped into, letting the door shut behind them.

“Breathe Grayson. It’s okay, just breathe.”

He fell to pieces in her arms, his back curled painfully so he could bury his face in the crook of her neck and sob. They were ugly sounds, wet and snotty and raw and she didn’t care. She just held him together as best she could with her small hands, let him relax into her and get it out of his system. His shoulders stilled eventually, but his arms stayed locked around her like a vice.

Neither of them moved until the motion sensor light clicked off, covering them in darkness. 

They didn’t speak. They untangled themselves and let the light turn back on before they headed back into the hallway as if nothing had happened, back into Bekahs room. Her heart rate was perpetually high now, fighting to keep the blood pumping.

Another sign that the end was coming soon. 

Indiana and Grayson sat down on the couch beside each other, just close enough for their shoulders to graze occasionally when they shifted. Indy watched the monitors and Grayson watched her, reading her expressions as best he could over what felt like an eternity. He looked at all the things he’d missed - the freckle by her ear, and the baby hairs that sat by her temple and never seemed to grow. 

It could have been minutes, or hours. No one was sure. But eventually Indy’s posture slumped slightly, and with a final sigh she leaned over to the left, her head resting on Grayson’s shoulder. 

He stopped breathing, only allowing himself shallow inhales that left his torso perfectly still so she could rest. He didn’t know how to feel, and against his will his eyes prickled at the realization that despite the fucked up situation they were in, she was there, leaned against him. Beside him. Something he wasn’t sure he was ever going to get ever again. The way she shifted and mumbled in her sleep let him know she wasn’t comfortable, but he let himself be selfish for a few minutes and soothed her back down so she stayed, relished in the weight of her on him and resisting the urge to wrap his arm around her shoulders. 

He moved as carefully as he ever had to press a tiny kiss to her hair.

She sighed and settled down further in her seat, moving her head onto the back of the couch and freeing him. 

The angle of her neck looked painful, and he scanned the room, noticing that they’d brought in two recliners, presumably for her parents. He stood up carefully and dragged the chairs away from the wall, lining them up like he had in his dad’s room. He hunted down a few extra pillows from the nurses, blankets too, and brought them in, making little makeshift beds for the two of them. 

He felt guilt waking Indy up, but he didn’t want to pick her up without permission. Instead, he shook her shoulder gently until she stirred, panicking for a moment until she realized everything was okay. Her heart fluttered at the realization that Grayson was still there. 

“Sleep over here, it’ll save your neck.” He nodded towards the chair and she stood up slowly, groggily moving over into one of them. She sighed as she settled in, exhaustion taking over. Grayson liked to think that she felt peaceful enough, safe enough to sleep because he was there, but he didn’t let himself believe it. So he simply moved her blanket up over her torso before he climbed into his own chair that faced the other way so they could see each other. 

He watched her sleep for a moment, and then her hand moved just far enough down the arm rest. She wiggled her fingers until he got the message, slipping his hand into hers before he too fell asleep. 

When they awoke the next morning, their hands were still intertwined, and Bekah’s parents were coming in the doorway. Indy woke up first, sitting up straight and squeezing Grayson’s hand.

“Grayson. Gray, hey, wake up.”

He grumbled until he was able to open his eyes, wiping his mouth with his hoodie sleeve as he came to and realized where he was. He was quick to stand, to introduce himself to Bekah’s parents with firm handshakes. His hair was a mess, and Indy bit her fingernails to keep from reaching out to smooth it out. 

The day went by, measured by the heart rate monitor beeps that got quicker and quicker, and the rattling of Bekah’s breath as the fluid settled in her lungs. Martina and Indy changed her into her blue hoodie, and fixed her favorite scarf - one with tiny blue lightning bolts - over her head. 

Indy and Gray didn’t have the energy or stamina to try to figure out where they stood, so they chose together, for the time being. She kept her arm wrapped around his, the way she used to when he walked her down the street. He traced over her fingers where she held onto him, chewing her lip while she watched her vitals grow worse and worse, all the red flags she would be trying to fix if that was the goal. Around 3pm, the nurse came into the room. The way Indy tensed was enough for Grayson to know something was happening.

“We’re gonna give her a bit more sedation to keep her comfortable. With the current levels of her vitals, it might slow her down enough to let her pass peacefully. There are no guarantees, but it is possible.” 

Martina began to cry into her husband’s shoulder. 

“So we should say our goodbyes then?” Tarin asked through a tight throat. The nurse nodded.

“We’ll administer it and then give you guys some privacy.”

“She won’t be in any pain, right?”

“No sir. It’ll just be like falling asleep.”

Indy watched as she set up her IV and stepped out of the room. 

Grayson and Indy followed her out quietly, giving Bekah and her parents the moment that they needed. Indy’s breath was shaky, and she held tighter to Grayson as they waited in the hallway. He looked up towards the light in an attempt to stop the tears, and a few moments later, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

It was Martina, her eyes red and cheeks blotchy.

“You all are family. She would want you here with her.”

Grayson’s feet wouldn’t move until Indy guided him back into the room. 

Bekah’s parents stayed on either side of her bed and held her hands while Indy and Grayson stood at the foot of her bed and watched her take her last breath. 

Indy didn’t cry. She stood watch, only moving when the nurses came in to confirm time of death. She went and turned the monitors off, cutting the monotonous tone out abruptly as they removed Bekah’s IV. Grayson’s quiet sniffled and muffled sobs were almost enough to tip her over the edge, but she held it together. She hugged Martina, then Tarin, and then retreated into Grayson’s side yet again. 

There wasn’t a signal, or anyone that told them it was time to go. But they found themselves outside in the hallway eventually, and they walked arm and arm. They signed out at the desk for the last time and walked out the doors of the pediatric oncology ward, through the ocean hallway and down the stairs.

The rain had stopped.

They walked the streets in silence, holding onto each other tightly as people passed them on the sidewalk, completely unaware of what had just happened to them. The world continued to turn, the city continued to bustle, and they continued to walk, one foot in front of the other until they made it to the elevator of her building.

Indy watched the numbers go by as it climbed. She didn’t say a word when they got to her floor, or through her door or over to her couch. Grayson sat down beside her and took his shoes off. She stared over his shoulder out the windows, an overwhelming numbness settling over her entirety. 

“Indy, why don’t you take your shoes off,” Grayson whispered. 

She didn’t look at him.

“Indy?”

He waited. The blues in her eyes were dark, and his heart sank. He knelt down and untied her shoes, sliding them off her feet gently. He took her socks off too - she hated sleeping in socks. 

“I’ve got you. You’re safe, it’s okay,” he said, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. She swallowed hard, and that was enough for Grayson to justify picking her up and carrying her into her room. He sat her down and pulled her covers back before he got her into bed. 

Once she was settled he stood up, waiting for just a moment before he spoke. 

“I’ll be on the couch if you need me okay? I’ll be right here.”

Indy blinked hard, and then she shook her head.

Grayson went to his knees beside her in an instant, ready to do whatever she needed. 

“Stay.”

That was all he needed. He circled around the bed and climbed in behind her, coiling his arm around her torso and crushing her back against him, pressing her into him everywhere he could. He willed himself to shield her, from the pain and the reality of what had just happened. He pressed a kiss to her hair and closed his eyes and he held his girl until morning.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 3)

Summary: Jensen is injured on set which leads to pushing back one of the biggest stunts of the movie. Later on that night, Jensen walks the reader to her car where a few sparks start to fly...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 4,200ish

Warnings: language, minor injury

A/N: Please enjoy!

______

“Jensen! Run it back again!” you called the next morning. He jogged back to his first mark, spinning around and taking a deep breath. He’d taken a hard fall a few takes before on a stray branch and had been slow to get up. You knew something was bothering him but he didn’t say anything so you decided to keep going. “Action!”

Jensen ran through the woods and paused right at the camera, panting a few times before he looked around nervously.

“Cut! Good, very good, Jensen. Just what we need,” you said. “Moving on to 12!”

“Uh, after lunch,” whispered AJ.

“Let’s break for lunch and then get going on the big scene for the day,” you said. You let out a sigh, leaning over to your AD. “Thank you. I thought we were running late again.”

“We’re ahead of schedule. Everyone here gets their union breaks so don’t worry, someone will let you know if we’ve gone too long. Don’t stress so much,” he said with a smile.

“We have one of the biggest stunts of the film today. I am more than a little stressed,” you said. You hopped out of your chair and walked to the lunch line, making sure everyone went through before you went to get yours. You didn’t catch Jensen though and headed to his trailer when you didn’t see him around. “Jensen? Are you in there?”

“Yeah,” you heard from the other side of the door. “What do you need?”

“You get some lunch yet?” you asked.

“I’ll grab it in a minute,” he said.

“Are you okay?” you asked. “You were moving a little slow those last few takes.”

“Yeah, fine,” he said. You leaned against the door, staring at the name plate panel on the outside.

“You’re doing a hell of a job of convincing me, Jensen,” you said. 

“Y/N, I’m fine, really,” he said as a small whine came out of him.

You rolled your eyes and opened the door, stepping up and spotting Jensen in his kitchenette without a shirt on.

“For fucks sakes, Y/N. What if I was naked?” he asked, putting his arms around himself. Your gaze went to his ribs, a dark purple spot there he tried to cover up.

“Hey, you are not okay,” you said. He sighed and put down the roll of bandages in his hand on the counter. “Did you get hurt this morning? I saw you fall in the woods. You should have said something.”

“It’s a bruise,” he said. You sighed and stepped over, Jensen closing his eyes. “We have a big stunt this afternoon and as long as I wrap it up-“

“I am cancelling the stunt. We’ll push it back,” you said.

“Y/N-“

“My actors are more important to me than schedules or budgets. You get injured, on or off set, you tell me, no matter what,” you said. “Understand?”

“Okay but-“

“My dad, action hero, supernatural horror, romantic leading man, devilish boy with the soft core, has a very important rule when it comes to acting,” you said.

“What’s that?” he asked, taking a deep breath and wincing.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s your dream role. It doesn’t matter if it’s a story you love. If you’re not respected and treated with kindness on the project, you walk away. If it’s not a safe environment, you walk away. It’s a good rule to have, Jensen,” you said.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“I’m saying that I will go tell the studio that we need to push back scene 12. We can do it when you’re healthy. Until then, no stunts for you,” you said.

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” he said.

“Jensen. It’s no trouble at all. Honestly. It’s my job. Now put on your shirt and let's go to medical, get you fixed up and then have some lunch, okay?” you said. He nodded, pausing as he pulled his flannel on. “Need help?”

“I like your dad’s rule,” he said. “I think I’ll be okay on this project though.”

“You will be,” you said. He started to button up his shirt and you turned away to give him his privacy.

“It’s okay, Y/N. It’s not like I don’t have to get down to my undies for this thing at some point,” he said. “I’m so looking forward to that day on set.”

“Well the ladies have a thing for Lyle. But this is your personal space. I’m sorry I came into it without permission. I thought you were hurt. I won’t do it again,” you said. “I promise.”

“It’s okay. You were concerned,” he said, finishing with the buttons. “I’ll just remember to change in my bedroom from now on.”

“Good call. Ready to go get your check up?” you asked.

“Alright,” he said. “Lead the way, boss.”

“I thought I said not to-”

“I’m teasing,” he said, bopping your nose. “Boss.”

“Keep it up, Ackles,” you said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go get you feeling better.”

“I’m really not that bad,” he said as you walked out of his trailer. 

“You don’t want to mess with bruised ribs if you can help it. At least the nurse will be able to get you wrapped up all secure and she probably has some good pain meds,” you said.

“I mean, I can go on my own. I’m not five. You gotta be starving. Go get your lunch, Y/N.”

“Ackles. Anyone ever tell you you’re grumpy when you’re not feeling well?”

“Actually yes,” he chuckled. “My parents would fully agree with you.”

“I had a feeling,” you said. He was a little slow as he walked but you didn’t push him to go faster. “Jensen. If you do get hurt again, please say something. Even outside of work.”

“I will. This kinda sucks,” he said. “Not that I’m a whimp or anything. But it does hurt.”

“What hurts?” asked your dad, popping out of the bathrooms nearby and jogging down the steps.

“Jensen has a nasty bruise from a fall this morning. I just want him to get checked out in case,” you said. “We’re going to push back scene 12 in the meantime.”

“Hm. Any idea what we’ll do instead?” asked your dad.

“Something easy going. I have to see what sets we have available,” you said.

“What about when Hale and Lyle sit and talk that night? You could probably do that without too much hassle in the studio,” said Jensen.

“He does have a point,” you said. “Scenes twenty eight and nine and thirty three? You guys think you could study those while I get it organized?” you asked.

“Yeah. I think that’ll be good. Oh and Jensen. Put some aspercreme on that bruise tonight before bed, ice for ten minutes and then wrap it. It’ll help. I’ve taken my fair share of hits,” said your dad.

“Thanks Ethan,” said Jensen as you went over towards the medical area with him. You got on your radio and told Mark and AJ the new plan while Jensen was checked out by the nurse. You knew you’d be getting a nasty phone call probably within the hour but you tried not to think of that when Jensen came outside and gave you a thumbs up.

“Doing okay?” you asked.

“Not broken. Just bruised the muscle. Got some medicine and a better fitting wrap to use. I feel better already,” he said. “But I was advised to take it easy for the next week.”

“Awesome. I’m glad it’s not too bad. We’ll make sure that we rework the schedule to do some easy-going scenes for you this week,” you said. Jensen walked with you back towards the lunch tent, most people either done or wrapping up with their food. You got a wrap and salad, sitting down with Jensen at a free table. You wolfed down your food, Jensen chewing slowly. He stared at you and you ate more slowly, Jensen chuckling quietly.

“I like a girl that’s not afraid to eat,” he said. “Go for it.”

“I don’t know why I’m rushing anyways. Everyone needs time to prepare for the new scenes,” you said. “You probably have an hour or two to learn your lines.”

“Oh don’t worry about that,” he said. You took a bite and tried to enjoy your meal, Jensen looking like he was in less pain than earlier. “So how do you become a director?”

“Hate yourself and the idea of ever sleeping again,” you said, smiling to yourself, Jensen returning it. “Well the truth is I grew up on film sets. I know a lot of stuff that most people don’t get to learn until they’re older. I started working when I was fourteen on set actually. Only a few hours a week after school or on the weekend but I learned a lot about camera work, pacing, lighting, basically everything. By the time I was done with college, I was interning in the production office and when I was working on my deal for the movie a few years later, I was confident enough that I knew all of the ins and outs to pull it off.”

“Wow. You were in training your whole life for this, huh,” he said.

“Sorta. I actually had a pretty average desk job for two years after college. I was writing in my spare time but I didn’t do any of this kind of stuff then. I missed working on something like this. Once the book was published, I knew I was going to write for a career and get back in the business if I could,” you said. 

“I’m glad you came back to it. I like working here,” he said, showing off a soft smile and bright green eyes. “The set I mean. It’s better than pretty much every project I’ve ever worked on.”

“It’s only day three. I have plenty of time to mess this up,” you said. You let out a dry laugh, Jensen cocking his head, giving you a friendly 

“Maybe that’s true but you have to have some serious talent to be put in charge. I wouldn’t write that off for nothing if I were you,” he said. You nodded and finished up with your wrap, diving into your salad as you noticed a piece of his hair flop down over his forehead. 

“You even got Lyle’s hair,” you said, pointing towards it. Jensen cocked his head and ran his hand over his forehead and up, the piece sticking back up. “Fixed it.”

“Thanks,” he said, wetting his thumb and running it over the spot.

“I caught a bit of your reel from when you were on Supernatural,” you said. Jensen paused but continued eating. “You do realize it was a good show. It wasn’t cancelled for bad acting.”

“I wish we could have gone a little longer is all. I really liked that story,” he said.

“Maybe someday Netflix could pick it up or something. You never know,” you said.

“Maybe. Right now though Lyle has my full attention,” he said. He took his last forkful of lunch and swallowed. “I better go learn my lines.”

“You got some time. Don’t rush,” you said. He hummed and stood up, turning to leave.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said over his shoulder. “Thanks for writing the book.”

“Thank you for reading it,” you said softly.

“You got this,” he said before he took off back towards his trailer. You smiled to yourself and tried to believe what he said. 

Then your phone had to ring and you saw your boss calling.

“I’m sure this is going to go well.”

“Hey,” said your dad as you stretched from your chair at the end of the day. “I heard that studio exec said more than a few not nice things today.”

“Yup,” you said as you grabbed your bag. “Kinda made that time I cried after failing Calculus seem like not such a big deal.”

“You were such a good student. Your first semester of college was a hard change. Also your professor was a dick,” he said.

“Yeah, well nothing compared to being told off by my boss,” you said.

“I called Bryerson,” he said. You whipped your head around.

“Dad. I told you not to do me any favors on this whole deal,” you said.

“It wasn’t a favor. I heard what happened, just like everyone else. I called all of our bosses to let him know that you prioritized safety over a stunt. It won’t even cost that much to push filming back. You want to know what he said? That was the right call. You just made a friend up top today, kiddo,” he said.

“...Don’t call Bryerson for me again,” you said as you turned away. “Thank you.”

“Get some sleep at home tonight, Y/N,” he said. 

“I will. Give Anthony a noogie for me,” you said.

“What’s Ella getting?” he asked with a smirk.

“Also noogie. I’m an equal opportunist older sibling torturer,” you said, laughing to yourself.

“You can always move back home, kiddo. We miss you,” he said.

“I’m twenty seven dad. I stayed long enough. I need my own space,” you said. “But I’ll try to be better about coming home more.”

“I know. Still getting used to it is all. So go home, try to relax and remember you did a good thing today,” he said. “Want a ride home?”

“No. I have a quick meeting but then I’ll get out of here, promise,” I said. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yes you will. Night, sweetie,” he said. You got a quick hug before he headed for his trailer and you went to the production office to go over your new filming schedule.

An hour later you trudged out of the office with a yawn. You slipped on your jacket and backpack, hitting a few lights in the quiet building before you walked out the front door. You hummed and headed across the studio lot for the parking lot, whistling as you went.

You were about halfway there when you heard a noise come from the trailers. You paused and looked over at the little maze of them, poking your head down a dark row.

“Hello?” you asked.

“Do you always talk-“

“Fuck!” you shouted, spinning around, Jensen wincing in your face behind you. “I’m sorry.”

“I probably deserved that,” he said. “Sorry for scaring you. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“I thought I heard something,” you said.

“It’s probably the generator. It kicks on sometimes,” he said.

“What are you still doing here? We wrapped an hour ago,” you said.

“I was watching dailies and had to sign some worker’s injury report thing at medical,” he said. “You?”

“Got bitched at again for pushing the stunt back,” you said.

“Y/N-“

“Jensen. I will take the bitching. I’m happy with my decision today,” you said. “Don’t worry about it. How’d the dailies look?”

“Cool,” he said. You giggled and he laughed. “Sorry. I know that’s not the technical term.”

“No. Cool is what I’m hoping for,” you said. “You like the camera stuff?”

“My dad’s an actor too actually. I grew up hearing about the whole industry. I’ve always been interested in the process,” he said.

“Ah. Another Hollywood baby,” you said.

“Nothing like you. I grew up in a house in the suburbs, nothing fancy or anything. I came here like once before I tried out acting. I had a very boring stereotypical childhood,” he said.

“I would have liked that,” you said. “We moved a lot growing up. It wasn’t until my dad got married that I went to the same school and stuff.”

“Yeah but your dad is Ethan Y/L/N. That’s pretty awesome,” he said, smiling wide. “It’s got to be fun working with him.”

“It is. It’s nice to see more of him. I moved out two years ago. I don’t make it home much lately,” you said.

“Any reason why?” he asked.

You shrugged, Jensen nodding. 

“I moved in with my boyfriend,” you said.

“Oh.”

“He’s not in the picture anymore, hasn’t been for about a year,” you said.

“Oh,” he said. “Yeah, I’m kinda between girlfriends myself.”

“Wow,” you laughed. Jensen chuckled, shaking his head. “No, I like that. It’s funny.”

“Sorry. Last girlfriend sort of slipped some personal stuff about me in an interview. I wasn’t a fan. It kinda turned me off from dating to be honest,” he said.

“She give out your address or something?”

“Talked about our sex life to MTV,” he said. 

“Oh. Wow. That’s just bad,” you said. 

“Yup. I don’t care if she thought she was giving me a compliment. That’s too personal to share,” he said.

“I don’t blame you,” you said.

“Being single has its perks though, right?” he asked. “We can stay up how late we want, no one to crowd the bathroom. No one eats your leftovers on you. It’s not the worst thing in the world, that’s for sure.”

“Oh yeah,” you said. You had to admit there were some upsides but having someone to come home to wouldn’t be half bad either. You gave him a smile, Jensen turning towards the parking lot a ways off. “I uh, should get home. We have an early day tomorrow.”

“I thought we didn’t have filming until two?” he asked.

“You don’t. I’ve got an assload of prep work to do before filming starts,” you said. He nodded and looked at you, the night air quiet. He moved a little closer and you saw his eyes dip down to your lips for a brief moment.

“I’m sure you do but you should probably sleep in,” he said, cupping your cheek. You stared at him, his hand quickly pulling away. “Uh, bags under the eyes.”

“You sure know how to make a sleep deprived girl feel pretty,” you laughed. He chuckled but it was forced and you saw him make a face at himself.

“Sorry. I uh, still get nervous around you,” he said.

“I wrote a book. Ain’t no reason to be nervous with me, Jensen,” you said, giving him a smile. “We should both probably head home though and get some sleep.”

“Agreed,” he said. You started to walk towards the lot, Jensen walking the other way for a second. “Sorry. Forgot I parked in the far lot.”

“I thought the actors had their own lot right around the corner?” you said. He stared at you, looking past with a tired smile.

“Just let me walk you to your car. It’s the least I can do after scaring you,” he said.

“I’m a big girl, Jensen,” you said.

“I know that. But let me walk you,” he said.

“Is this a you’re a gentleman thing?” you asked.

“This is me asking my friend if I can walk her to her car late at night so that I feel a little better knowing she got there safe,” he said.

“Alright,” you said, Jensen staying by your side as you walked in the quiet night air. “Thank you.”

“I’m not perfect but my parents did a few things right,” he said.

“My dad would appreciate that,” you said. “Mom too but dad’s always been a tad protective.”

“I never realized that the Y/L/N that wrote The Dark Woods was related to Ethan Y/L/N,” he said.

“You a fanboy of all the Y/L/N’s or just me?” you teased, getting closer when you heard shuffling on the other side of the lot fence.

“Well every boy growing up the past two decades thought he was awesome,” he said, moving to your other side. “I liked your book a lot though.”

“Why?” you asked. “I get that Lyle is kind of a dreamboat and like, the ideal guy but why do you like it? Give me the guy’s perspective.”

“Because Lyle could have been a bad guy and he turned out to be good,” he said. “Hale really treated him well.”

“Hale did kind of kidnap Lyle just a smidge,” you said with a laugh.

“Because he thought Lyle killed his son,” he said. “Then he ends up taking Lyle under his wing.”

“You know, I almost had Hale be evil,” you said.

“Why? Their relationship is even more important than Lyle and Molly’s,” said Jensen. “Nothing against Molly, I love her too but Hale and Lyle is so interesting to read about.”

“It was a rough time and I took it out on my characters,” you said. “It was wrong though, to do that to Lyle. Sorry. I know he’s not real.”

“You created him. He’s real, Y/N. He’s a good role model, for men and women,” he said. 

“So you like his relationship with Hale the best?” you asked.

“Lyle was alone and Hale was kind to him after he realized Lyle didn’t hurt his son. Hale became a good dad to him,” said Jensen. 

“Hale’s based on my dad a bit you know,” you said. 

“Your dad is a vigilante?” teased Jensen.

“No. No. But you know, he was a single dad to his son and then to Lyle. I know what that’s like,” you said.

“I’m glad you didn’t make Hale evil,” said Jensen. “It would have crushed Lyle.”

“You really know that character, don’t you,” you said.

“He’s not a stereotypical guy. He’s not any one thing but at the end of the day, he’s good. I don’t know, it’s just...he’s more like how guys actually are, you know?” he said.

“Not in my experience,” you said. “Guys fucking suck. Except you. You’re sweet.”

“Well, you’ve also never dated me so it’s entirely possible I do indeed suck,” he chuckled. 

“Jensen,” you said as you spotted your car and started to slow. “I um…”

“I know. Fanboy has to learn when to keep his mouth shut,” he said. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”

“Hey,” you said, grabbing his wrist before he could head back for the other lot. “I think it’s cool you like this story so much. No one besides my family ever encouraged me to write or thought I was any good until I got published. I think Lyle’s really lucky he ended up with having you play him.”

“I’ll try to do him justice,” said Jensen.

“Jensen,” you said again. “Saturday night. I...I don’t think us seeing each other outside of work is such a good idea after all.”

“I’m sorry for bothering you,” he said as he turned away.

“I’m just crazy busy and I’m not ready for a relationship, Jensen. Maybe neither of us are. After filming is done we could-”

“It’s okay. I get it. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. You sighed and stared at him, waiting for him to go. “Get in your car.”

“Why?”

“So I know you got in your car okay,” he groaned. “Just do it.”

“Guys don’t do that sort of shit outside of movies and books,” you said.

“Yes they do,” he said with a small smile. “You obviously haven’t met too many great guys then.”

“Thank you for walking me to my car,” you said as you put your hand on the door. He didn’t say anything and you rolled your eyes, sliding inside before you were turning the keys and heading home.

______

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[mason-knight-retired]

Ethan cracks one eye open just in time to see Mason pulling on his clothes.

“Where are you going at this ungodly hour?”

He reaches out, planning to swipe his hand over a curve of bare flesh before it disappears behind a tight black workout suit but Mason steps too nimbly out of his reach.

“It’s three in the afternoon. We’ve been asleep most of the day.”

“Wasn’t that much sleeping, as I recall.”

Mason pauses to throw a meaningful glance over his shoulder. “No, that much is true.”

He watches Mason dress, the other man’s movements confident and comfortable in a way they haven’t been for a long time. Muscles ripple across his back as he pulls on the top part of the suit and Ethan refuses to acknowledge the newly formed scars that paint puckered red lines across Mason’s reinforced skin. He has already spent hours mapping them with his fingers and mouth and in spite of them, Mason looks strong. Confident and comfortable and a far cry from the tired, battered shell dragged halfway across the galaxy following his escape from Omega.

Perhaps, Ethan considers grudgingly – very grudgingly - those alliance scientists weren’t entirely useless after all.

He inches his palm over the sheets towards Mason, contemplating how he’d much prefer to peel the suit back away from Mason’s skin than see him leave. Mason had been warm and responsive under Ethan’s hands earlier, and Ethan wants to do it all over again.

He props himself up on one elbow. “You should come back to bed.”

Mason’s hands pause for a moment then he shakes his head. “Can’t. Marie’s waiting.” Mason pulls on his shoes. “We’re going to go for a run and I need to shake off the cobwebs.”

“There are better ways.”

Mason looks over. “You could come with us, you know.”

Ethan wrinkles his nose delicately. A run seems pointless to him. Where were they running to anyway, on a space station in the middle of space? Ridiculous. Besides, there was no love lost between the commander and himself. He’d sooner spend his time with a chatty volus. At least they might have something useful to offer him.

“This skin wasn’t made to sweat.”

“Says the phoenix,” Mason laughs then and it transforms his face into something beautiful. “Alright, suit yourself.”

“I always do,” Ethan murmurs as Mason finishes dressing. He’s on his way to the door before he stops and turns back, crawling across the mattress briefly to lean down to press a parting kiss to Ethan’s mouth that tastes faintly of mint. Mason draws back and his throat bobs in a rough swallow, as though he’s embarrassed at his domestic show of affection and he’s about to pull away before Ethan captures him, curling his fingers around the back of Mason’s neck to hold him in place as he kisses him back.

Ethan doesn’t stop to dwell on why.

--

Mason finds Marie waiting for him under a tree by in the Presidium commons.

“Hey, phoenix,” she grins as she leans up to give him a hug. He returns it easily.

“Hey yourself, alliance.”

She taps her wrist and raises her eyebrow. “You kept me waiting long enough.”

Mason clears his throat roughly as he glances away. He doesn’t let himself think about why he was late. “Sorry, we’re a bit looser on schedules than what you’re used to. Afternoon run, though? Still can’t get yourself out of bed before midday, huh?”

“Nope,” she grins apologetically and throws her arms up in a stretch above her head. Her cropped top rides up, baring the smooth skin of her midriff. Even after all these years, Marie is as fit and as gorgeous as ever. Time has been good to her. “So, are you ready for this?”

He grins and bounces lightly on the balls of his feet. He’s warmed up already and ready to put Marie through her paces. “Yep. We’ll start up here in the presidium and make our way to the wards.”

“That’s a long way,” she frowns.

“What’s the matter, Miller,” he taunts lightly. “Don’t think you can handle it?”

“Please,” she scoffs and hip checks him with a roll of her eyes and all of a sudden, they’re fifteen again with the sunlight streaming over their shoulders on the school track. “I’m more concerned about you. All those Cerberus parts rattling around. Wouldn’t want anything to come loose after we just got you all fixed up.”

Mason snickers at that. “Let’s go.”

--

It feels like they run for days but eventually Mason has to remind himself that Marie doesn’t have the same augmentations he does and he cuts it somewhere near Apollo’s Cafe. Marie has kept pace with him admirably but after a few laps of the Presidium tracks, he can see she’s started to tire.

It felt good though. It felt good to run and fall into the rhythm of his feet against the paths under the Citadel’s artificial sky. It wasn’t the same as Sol’s sunlight and they had to dodge and weave through the population milling about, but it was still pretty damn good.

Not for the first time, Mason finds himself grateful for Marie’s tenacity in pulling together a team to help him. Him, and whatever was left of Project Phoenix that were still human.

“Zeus isn’t going to get pissy at me for monopolizing your time, is he?” Mason asks later, long after they’ve slowed to a walk and grabbed something to drink. It’s been a few hours now and the night tones of the artificial sky were starting to leak through, creating a twilight that had them sitting together at the edge of the lake to watch the changes.  

Marie rolls her eyes. “Of course not.”

“Are you sure? You know how he gets. He knows I’ve seen you naked, right?”

Marie blinks then lets out a peel of laughter. She tries to slap his shoulder but he leans out of her reach. “But the question is, do you even remember?”

Mason taps the side of his head. “Better now,” he grins but the smile slips after a moment. “I have you to thank for that, Rie. If you hadn’t brought together that lab…”

Surprisingly, Marie flushes slightly and glances away. “I’d do anything for you boys,” she says softly. “Well, almost anything. But you are looking better. Better than when I first found you, anyway. I never asked… Does this mean… your memories? Do you have them back?”

“Clearer, although there’s still parts missing. Ethan says I should be grateful, there’s three years of hell there that’s better off staying repressed.”

“But you remember everything else?”

“Most of it. I think.”

“So you remember telling my Nonna to kiss your ass?”

“I what?”

“Yes. That first night I brought you home after we started dating.”

He cycles back through his memories but it comes up blank. “No…. wait, are you testing me? That didn’t happen.”

“Mmmhm, it did.”

“Nope. I don’t believe it. I would never say that.”

“You did,” she insists. “You looked her right in the eye and said bacia il mio culo peloso, Nonna.”

“I did? Wow, what an asshole.”

She laughs, leaning in against him. “Michael pranked you. You thought you were thanking her for the food.”

Mason’s heart pangs roughly in his chest as he tries to remember. Michael, Marie’s younger brother, had been cheeky and bright and while Mason doesn’t remember much but a wide smile and the same brown eyes that he shared with Marie, he remembers the warmth and affection he had for him.

“I’m sorry, you know. About what happened. I don’t think I ever said that before. I might not remember everything, but I remember I loved him.”

Marie doesn’t really answer but she loops her arm through his and tucks in against him. She’s warm as the sky dims and the breeze licks away their sweat but their silence is comfortable. He thinks he might even catch the scent of apples in the air.  

“We have to make this a regular thing,” she says after a few long moments. “Workout, run, eat… debrief about who’s boyfriend is hotter? Definitely mine by the way.”

Mason wrinkles his nose at that. Nico was passable, if you liked the bulky, broody sort with bad attitudes. “In your dreams, Miller.”

She pounces at that. “Ha! So you admit it! He is your boyfriend! Mads was right!”

“Ajax?” Mason scoffs. “Ah, no. It’s not-“

“Bullshit, Mase. God, the way Maddy tells it, you two have been married for years.”

“No… It’s not… It’s not like that.”

“You need to lock that down.”

Mason lifts an eyebrow. “The fastest way to guarantee Sabre never looks twice at me again would be to-“ Mason wiggles his fingers as air quotes, “’lock that down’… So no, not doing that. What the hell are you listening to Ajax for anyway?”

Marie gives him a look like it should be obvious and he’s a few tools short of a tool shed. “Uh, best friend.”

Mason places a hand on his heart, wounded. “I thought I was your best friend?”

She smiles sweetly and pats his cheek. “Mase, you are my oldest friend.”

“Yeah,” he grins. “So suck on that, Maddy.”

She laughs again and bumps him with her shoulder. “Seriously though, Mase. Do us all a favor and lock that down with Sinclair. Or not.”

“We are not talking about this.”

“You could do better you know. Maybe I should introduce you to someone new. Maybe Harris has a friend-“

“I will pull you down by your hair, Miller,” he threatens.

“Please, I could run rings around you,” and she shoves at him for good measure only this time, his body doesn’t budge. She rolls her eyes and he snickers smugly.

“Damn phoenix.”

“Come on, Commander. Let’s go try this fancy coffee equivalent you’re been harping on about before Zeus shows up and yells at me for stealing his girlfriend.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” but Marie’s expression turns playfully unsure. “I think. He probably would enjoy the chance to yell at you though.”

Mason pulls a face as he climbs to his feet. He sticks a hand out to help her up but she slaps it away with a laugh. “I don’t need your help.”

“Sure you don’t. So where are we going?”

“There’s this amazing place down in the wards Maddy found…”

--

Mason is eying the brightly colored concoction that Marie swears black and blue is maple flavored ice cream coffee suspiciously as they’re strolling through the market area of the wards when the fight breaks out.

Marie stops dead in her tracks, eyes wide.

“….Isaac?!”

[utterlyinevitable]

hc about what happened in the time jump for the bryce and raf routes to fix this mess? Make the lack of progression make sense! please and thank you

Sorry it’s taken a while to get these two done, i’ve been too busy living in my carefully curated Ethan timeline 😅 You can find Ethan x MC During the Time Jump here. (raf will be another post) 

Bryce x MC During the Time Jump

After the gala, things weren’t that much different between them. 

The most notable difference was the intimacy. It seemed stronger, deeper. Effortless. 

They weren’t casual anymore that much was certain. They weren’t just fucking for fun. They were making love to last a life time. Their bodies knew one another in a tale as old as time.

But they’re both too timid to admit it. They won’t say the weighted phrase until they’re certain life and residency won’t tear them apart.

MC spent any free time she could having dinners with Keiki and Bryce. MC did most of the cooking but Bryce was the best sous chef learning how to adventure past pasta. The two doctor’s helping the teen out with her homework however they could. As smart as they are, they don’t understand Common Core...

But then Ethan turning the hospital into a greater version of the clinic meant MC was constantly busy. She barely even had 30 minutes to grab lunch. And sometimes she was even much too tired for drinks at Donahue’s.

Bryce had to lean on his surgical acquaintances a lot more now that his internal medicine buddies weren’t around. The clinic hadn’t trickled down to the surgical department; mostly because there were only so many ORs and you couldn’t rush procedures.

The week before Thanksgiving Bryce and Keiki were invited to MC’s apartment to celebrate with her roommates on their only day off together in weeks. 

Despite the exhaustion everyone felt, they were up early and super cheery. 

Sienna did most of the cooking with MC and Aurora lending a hand. Bryce and Jackie were on drinks duty and Elijah was in charge of entertainment. 

They all crowded around the dining table on the matching chairs and ones from their bedroom desks in order to accommodate. It was a mismatch but it was perfect. 

Conversation flowed freely and everyone said what they’re thankful for and what they think the upcoming year will hold.  

Then out of seemingly nowhere Keiki brought up boarding school.

Bryce looked at her with utter shock. The other’s asked questions about it. 

Keiki shrugged saying, “it’s just an idea. I can’t live with Bryce forever”. 

It was true, but doesn’t mean Bryce felt a little sad at his sister leaving all too soon.  

Christmas came sooner than anyone realized. 

MC saw her family the weekend before the holiday as became her tradition since med school. 

Since Bryce’s call to his mother about the funds to send Keiki to boarding school, she was sending him more messages and asking Keiki to come home for the holiday. She offered to pay for first class flights for her two darling children to come home. 

Both Lahela’s were against it.

Bryce took off as much time as he could to spend with the kid before she goes to school. But there’s only a handful of days he could take off at the busiest time of the year.

He managed to get Christmas and the day after off, and a half day on Christmas Eve.

Eve evening, Bryce came home to half priced decorations unceremoniously scattered about his living room, and Keiki and Mc standing on the couch trying to hang a daisy chain banner that looked like kindergarteners made it.

He couldn’t help but smile and pull MC into the biggest hug. She made everything 1000x better. 

The small family spent the evening eating and laughing and decorating the table top tree MC and Keiki picked up at the Walgreens down the street.

Cuddled up on the sofa in each other’s arms and Keiki on the makeshift bed she’d been sleeping on since her arrival, they watched classic Christmas movies and ate chocolate. It was perfect. 

Except MC had to work the next evening.

The amount of patients coming through Edenbrook’s doors tripled in the upcoming days and kept everyone busy.

Luckily the group of friends were able to spend New Years together. 

There wasn’t a single question as to if they were kissing at midnight. 

Bryce started kissing MC during the countdown; from her neck, up her jaw to her ear, cheeks, to the tip of her nose and then her lips at midnight. 

Shortly after the brief celebrations with the others, the two retired to her bedroom and kept ringing in the new year the right way.  

Keiki leaves for boarding school a few days after New Years. It was a very emotional journey down to Connecticut. 

Bryce was endlessly thankful MC accompanied him. Without her he’s pretty sure if would have cried a lot more on the drive home. And he probably would have stopped off at some sketchy gas station for a pick-me-up snack. Thankfully, MC suggested they hit Buffalo Wild Wings before entering the city instead. 

The couple thought Keiki being gone would give them more time together.

They were so wrong.

Mc got busier and busier and her time off didn’t coincide with his schedule, and everything got so damn complicated.

They hadn’t seen one another properly outside the hospital that wasn’t in passing in weeks.

So Bryce carved out some time around Valentine’s Day. 

MC was too busy to even realize the significance of the day. Every single day melded together to the point she didn’t know what was up or down, the month and barely clocked the time. 

She was leaning against the nurse’s station rapidly filling out charts when Bryce made a move. 

He slid up next to her, rubbed her shoulders and told her to take break with him. 

“Bryce I can’t I have patients. You see that line don’t you?”

“You haven’t taken lunch yet,” he said simply. He dropped his hands and turned around and called, “Hey Inès, MC is going on lunch!”

“Enjoy!” the senior resident called back. 

Bryce folded up the charts, handed them to Sarah behind the desk and dragged MC by both the wrists down the hall to the elevator. 

“Where are we going?” MC asked. 

Bryce may have set up a little rendezvous spot in a shut down inpatient wing. He had some take out he picked up from the café around the corner set up by the window and two clinical chairs. On the still-made bed was a stuffed bear holding a “Be Mine” heart and chocolate that he certainly did not steal from the gift shop. 

“The last time we were in one of these something really magical happened,” he said as he closed the door behind them. 

“The only thing magic was your hands.” MC wrapped her arms around his neck and pecked his lips. 

The evening of the group’s night on the town started off rough and stressful.

Bryce admitted he applied for a transfer to MK. He needs to be in Boston or really any hospital within driving distance of his sister’s school. She didn’t fly all the way out here just to be abandoned by him again.

MC understood - of course she understood his reason for staying here. She just didn’t know what to do for herself. They hadn’t talked about the long term, if they were going to try and be close. They hadn’t talked about their future at all, actually. The only times they did Keiki was the main subject. 

And she guessed she just had to apply to places and hope for the best. She knew where he’d be and now she needs to figure out if she fits into that.  

When applications got sad and boring the group got all dolled up and went out for a drink. Or six. Enough alcohol to forget the awkwardness that was earlier in their apartment. To forget the looming uncertainty of their unofficial relationship. 

Bryce was committed. MC was committed. They just weren’t vocal about their devout commitment. 

They got so drunk and ended up at the helipad on top of Edenbrook.

Cracking beers in hand, dancing and singing and enjoying the evening to it’s fullest. Bryce held her close and they lamented on the view as they sat against the wall, anticipating the sunrise over the horizon. 

The nightly breeze picked up. He rubbed patterns up and down her arms and she drew circles at his inner thigh. 

MC looked at him, their eyes locking.

Bryce’s lips turned upwards in a weighted smile. MC leaned her forehead against his and let out the sigh she didn’t know she was holding in. 

He kissed the corner of her mouth. Then her cheek. Then her nose. Then her neck. Her hands gripping to the lapels of his sports coat. 

They went back to his place and they didn’t talk about the future at all. Both of them clinging to the here and now. 

That evening they didn’t have sex. They held one other the entire night. They fell asleep to the sound of the other’s heartbeat.  

Small pleasantries were exchanged in the morning along with light kisses. 

For another time that year, they both felt the change. 

Edenbrook’s last day came and they were both in their feelings. Bryce was set to start at MK in a few weeks time and MC still didn’t know where she was going. Not a single application response on the east coast had come back yet. 

Bryce was standing outside with his best friends when the lights of Edenbrook finally went off that fateful day. 

Minutes later MC walked out. He noticed how her features, mood and hopes simultaneously fell lower than he’d seen in a while.

Her eyes found him right away, his arms waiting for her. She melted into his hug. Deep in his embrace with all her friends chattering around them, a part of her hoped they could compromise. There was so much more to explore between them. This couldn’t be the end. 

The entire Boston Bucket List event was bittersweet. As much as they enjoyed the escapades and these memories with their friends Bryce and MC just wanted some time alone. They needed time together to combat the unknown. 

By the time it was MC’s turn she chose a total cop-out. A kiss with Bryce. 

A kiss she hoped encompassed every feeling she was too scared to say. A kiss that told him just how much the uncertainty of their future was eating her up inside. A kiss he desperately needed as well. 

________________________________________

Masterlist

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie​ @lucy-268​ @binny1985​ @thegreentwin​ @queencarb​ @danijimenezv​ @starrystarrytrouble​ @terrm9​ @interobanginyourmom​ @adrex04 @maurine07​ @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers​ @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel​ @whimsicallywayward15​​ @mvalentine​ @rookie-ramsey​ @drariellevalentine​ @lifeaskim @otherworldlypresents​​ @therookie​​ @aylaramseycarrera​​ @angela8754​ @fireycookie @stateofgracious​ @missmiimiie​​ @uneravine​​  @homeformyheart​ @choicesaddict5​​ @iemcpbchoices

Bryce

@eleanorbloom @weaving-in-words

Bryce HCs

@aworldoffandoms

[ethanthedreamer]

2am thoughts about that line in Bruno is Orange where its like " did you hear about the mother who broke her daughters legs in two? she said 'its too dangerous out there to walk so i had to save you' ".

2am thoughts about why id choose the bear even as (especially as) a transman and a minor. 2am thoughts about the 97%. 2am thoughts about how many of my AFAB (also under 18) friends are part of that 97% 2am thoughts about how 'boys will be boys' 2am thoughts about the 1 in 6 men too. 2am thoughts about how it isn't all men. 2am thoughts on how its enough men to make 53% of women choose the bear too. 2am thoughts about the men that would choose the bear too. 2am thoughts about the world that we have to inherit. How are we supposed to inherit the stars if this is our fortune where it really matters?

[crystalwillow]

Fixing A Broken Heart

Paring: Ethan x Casey w/ Bryce & Sienna. (a little bit of Bryce x Casey)

 Tagging: @eleanorbloom @brycelahelalover

“Casey honey! It’s time to get up and ready for your new school!”

Casey opened her eyes, groaning groggily as she took in the light that flooded into her room through the cracks in her curtains. She yawned as she got up from under the covers, throwing  the curtains open before opening her door, finding her mom smiling at her.

“Ready for breakfast honey pie?”

“Yeah.”

She followed her mom to the kitchen as she rubbed sleep from her eyes and took a seat at the table. She took her hair out and threw it back up in a messy bun, so it wasn’t in her face as she ate, smiling at her mom as she placed her favorite pop tarts and a slice of toast on the table in front of her.

“Thanks mom.”

“You’re welcome sweetie.” Her mom smiled as she kissed her forehead. “Now you remember what time the bus leaves, don’t you?”

“I do mum. 8:15am sharp from the stop just down the road.”

“Great! Don’t be late okay?”

“But I thought you were taking me today?”

“Oh Casey. I forgot to tell you last night. I have an interview this morning that starts at the same time as school does for you.”

“Oh...”

“I’m sorry honey. I know that I promised. Why don’t I buy us Chinese tonight as a treat?”

Casey thought her mothers words over for a brief moment, before settling her face into a happier expression.

“Yeah. Okay. You’ll remember the special noodles I like?”

“I could never forget after your freak out when you were 8 years old. You’d never let it go.”

The two shared a chuckle and a hug before Casey’s mom said goodbye and headed out the front door. After finishing her breakfast, Casey placed her plate in the sink and headed upstairs to grab a shower, get dressed and check her bag had everything she would need. At 8:05am she set off to the bus  stop just down the road to wait for the bus to school. The ride was bumpy, loud and had an uneasy setting for Casey. Everyone was looking at her as if she was some type of extraterrestrial being. When the bus stopped outside the school stop, she was the last one off. She hugged herself as she walked towards the front doors of the school building. Anxiety and fear eating away at her. Not knowing where to go by herself she wandered the halls until she came across the one door she was looking for. The principal’s office. She knocked politely and waited to be called in.

“Come in!”

Casey opened the door and stuck her head in and met the principal’s face which changed into a friendly smile upon seeing her.

“Ah. You must be new.”

“Y-yes ma’am. My name i-is C-Casey. Va-Valentine.”

“Come in my sweet. There’s no need to be nervous.” The principal smiled at her warmly.

Swallowing harshly, Casey opened the door fully and stepped inside the office, closing the door behind her and sitting opposite the principal as she finished typing some things on her computer. As she waited, Casey looked around the office noting the name plaque on the principals desk. ‘Principal. B. Witherspoon’

Clearing her throat, principal Witherspoon smiled as Casey snapped her attention towards her.

“S-sorry.”

“For?”

“Looking around. I-it was rude of me.”

“Relax darling. It’s okay.” She offered Casey a kind smile which was half returned. After helping Casey sort her schedule, she walked her to her first class, knocking on the door, walking in and smiling at the teacher.

“Sorry for the interruption, Mr. Nelson. I have a new student for you.”

Casey stood behind the principal and nervously gave the teacher a wave.

“Thank you, principal Witherspoon.”

The principal smiled at Casey and gave her shoulder a quick rub. “You’ll be okay. Mr. Nelson is one of the best teachers we have at this school.”

Casey nodded and the principal left the classroom. Mr. Nelson introduced himself to Casey, and pointed her to a seat at the back of the room next to a boy with long-ish brown hair and glasses. His expression stoic, and eyes that were bluer than any ocean she had ever seen in her life so far. She was so mesmerized by the boy that she almost tripped over another students bag.

“Careful!” The boy who she was staring at exclaimed. Narrowly stopping the accident.

“Huh? Oh! Th-thank you.. um..”

“Don’t mention it.”

Casey took her seat and pulled out her notebook and pen. At the front of the class Mr. Nelson had minimized the PowerPoint and was looking at the class.

“Now. We will now take a few minutes to get to know our new classmate.”

“UM.. well uhhhh.” Casey stammered looking for words, and around the room panicked. She knew this would happen a lot to day, but introducing herself always made her nervous. She could feel a panic attack starting to bubble up inside of her, that’s when as if she was in some movie or a story her eyes met the boys ocean blue ones. They were full of kindness and patience as she stared into them, a small smile crept onto her face. As if she was giving him a silent thank you, he gave her a small and subtle nod. Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Casey rose to her feet and smiled at the class.

“Well, my name is Casey Valentine. I’ve transferred here from a school in California. Uhhh, I live with my mum and our dog snowball.” At the mention of her dog’s name, her eyes went wide with horror. “Oh no! I forgot to feed snowball!”

Seeing the panic creeping onto her face, Mr. Nelson done his best to calm her down.

“Now it’s okay Casey. He’s going to be okay. It will be okay.”

Casey sat in her seat and slumped over on her desk as she tried to calm herself down. She knew deep down that he would be okay, but right now she feared she’d go home and find him dead. After that the day passed in a blur of introductions and hard work. When she returned home she called out to her mom but got no response. She looked around the whole house but there was no sign of her. Concluding that she was probably shopping, Casey headed to the kitchen, filling snowballs food and water bowls, crouching beside him as he ate the food enthusiastically.

“I’m so sorry I forgot to feed you this morning snow. It was careless of me.”

She stroked his fluffy coat for a few moments then headed to her room and started on her homework. After she had everything at her desk, she went to open her bedroom window and tie back her curtains. Casey was working hard on a math problem when her phone rang, a smile lit up her features when she saw the name of one of her best friends from back in California. She wasted no time in picking up the call, answering excitedly and with a new burst of energy.

“Sienna!”

“CASEY! I, well WE didn’t think you’d pick up.”

“We?”

“mhm! Bryce is here too!”

“Hey Cassie!”

“Hi Brycie!”

“UGHHHH CASEYYYYYYY. You know I don’t like you calling me thaaaattt!”

“But what fun is life if you can’t tease your friends every now and then?”

“... fine. I’ll let it slip this time. But only because I’m missing you”

“Hey! I miss her too you know!”

Casey chuckled as her two friends engaged in a playful fight on the other end of the line. The three chatted for hours as Casey done her homework, upon hearing the front door open and close again, Casey let out a sigh.

“Guys, I should go. I think my mum just come home.”

“AWWW. Do you really have to go?”

“Yes Bryce, I really have to go. But I’ll call you guys again at the weekend.”

“Awww...” Bryce sighed. Casey could practically hear the pout in his voice as Sienna spoke up

“We’ll look forward to your call! It’s not the same hanging out with out you. I hope we can do it again soon.”

“We definitely will you guys. I love you!”

“We love you too Casey!”

After saying a couple more goodbye’s Casey hung up and rushed down the stairs to the kitchen, following the smell of food.

“Mom? ... Mom!”

She ran over to her and hugged her from behind. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, feeling all of the leftover anxiety and fear from the day flood out of her body as she relaxed.

“Oh! Hey honey pie. How was school?” Her mom asked as she hugged Casey back just as tightly.

“It was okay. I had to introduce myself a lot and I was a little bit scared at first. But I met some friendly faces who helped me out, so I didn’t make myself seem like too much of a fool.”

“Aw, my little girl isn’t a fool. She couldn’t be even if she tried. Though she is extremely goofy at times.”

“Mooommmm.”

Her mom laughed and ruffled Casey’s hair playfully.

“Now, can you set the table and I’ll come over to sort out the dinner.”

The two sat at the dinner table together, smiling and laughing as Casey’s mom asked her what her favourite class is so far. She would of course say Mr. Nelson’s class. Of course when she was asked why she gave the obvious answer.

“Mom.. really? You know that I love biology!”

She wasn’t going to let her mom know that there was a cute boy in the class that she was attracted to in some magnetic way. It was similar to how she felt for her friend Bryce. It’s why she enjoyed teasing him so much. But the feeling towards this boy in her new biology class was somehow a stronger version of what she felt for Bryce. Dinner passed by happily and after rinsing the dishes and  placing them in the dishwasher, Casey sat on the couch with her mom and they watched a movie together. After that, Casey was ready for bed. So she stood up and stretched out her limbs then smiled at her mom.

“I’m going to head to bed now. I’m exhausted after today.”

“Okay honey. Sleep well, see you tomorrow.”

“Night mom.”

“Goodnight Casey.”

--- That Weekend ---

Casey had just finished helping her mom put the groceries away when her phone pinged.

“Oh, mom. I promised Bryce and Sienna that I’d call this weekend. Is it okay if I go up and?”

“Of course. I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

Thanking her mom and giving her a quick peck on the cheek, Casey ran upstairs to her bedroom and shut her door behind her. She hung her jacket up and put her shoes away before flopping on the bed on her stomach and sent Sienna a quick text.

Casey: Hey! Do you guys mind if I facetime you instead?

Sienna: We’d love that!

Casey: Cool, just give me a moment, I think snowball is outside my door!

She got up and opened her door, snowball walking in and jumping on her bed, making himself comfortable. Casey cuddled with him as she waited for Sienna to answer the call. After a couple of rings she picked up

“Bryce stop being so vein! It’s your hair! Casey isn’t going to care what you look like!”

“But I care what I look like Si!”

“Boys!” Sienna sighed with an eyeroll and Casey chuckled

“Hey there!”

“Casey! Hey!”

Sienna and Casey spoke between themselves whilst they waited for Bryce to stop messing with his hair. It took about 15 minutes but soon Bryce came into view of the camera, looking glum and annoyed.

“Awww, Brycie what’s wrong?” Casey asked.

“Shut up.” He pouted as he crossed his arms.

“You’re cute when you’re mad.”

There was a silence as Casey realized what she said after she had said it, turning beet red and giving a small and awkward cough, looking at snowball who now wanted to leave the room.

“One second guys. Snowball wants out.”

She got up and opened the door letting her dog go, before shutting it again and laying back on her bed. The awkwardness hung in the air for a little longer after Casey returned to her phone, before the slight tension was broke by Sienna’s dad coming up the stairs, calling out to her.

“Sienna sweetie? Are you up here?”

“In my room dad! I’m talking to Casey with Bryce”

“Ah darling. I’m going away on another long drive. I’ll be gone for about a week.”

“A week?!”

“... I know it’s difficult sweetheart but it’s all to help us out hey?”

Sienna sighs before hugging her dad tight and following him downstairs to say goodbye properly. Leaving Bryce and Casey alone for a few moments.

“Bryce?”

“Yeah?”

“Uh... for what it’s worth. Your bad hair day kind of suits you”

“...I- Thanks.”

They smiled at each other as Sienna came back and sat down. She took her phone from Bryce and smiled at Casey.

“Soooo...”

“So?... what?”

“Are you going to tell me more about this boy in your biology class?”

Casey blushed furiously as Sienna spoke in a teasing tone and Bryce tensed up a bit. Almost as if he was sensing competition. He looked at Sienna and then at the screen where Casey was still blushing brightly.

“Is everything okay with your dad Si?”

“Nu-uhh. We are not changing the subject Casey Valentine!”

“I have a question.” Bryce cut in. “Is he better looking than me?”

“What?”

“ooo, Bryce looking for the juicy gossip!”

Casey sighed and picked at her nails. “If you guys really want to know. Yes, he is cute. And kind. And misunderstood most of the time outside of class because of his brooding exterior but.. I’m his lab partner now and I’ve been getting to know him. He’s nice.”

“Ohmygosh” You like him!”

“No! I do not! I mean maybe I can see him being my first friend here on the East Coast... But other than that.. no!”

Casey blushed again and felt a pang of a feeling similar to guilt in her chest as she looked at Bryce’s expression.

“Bryce? Are you okay?” Casey asked, and Sienna turned to him.

“Do you feel alright? You’ve gone awfully pale...”

“I... I’m fine. I just, remembered that I need to run an errand before it gets too dark.” Bryce said and then left abruptly. Sienna and Casey shared a knowing look of sadness and understanding.

“He likes me as more than a friend, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah... It looks that way.”

Casey was about to speak again when she heard her mom calling up the stairs that dinner was ready. Turning back to the screen after calling back a quick okay, and smiled apologetically at Sienna.

“Sorry. I’ve gotta go. Mom just called for dinner.”

“Okay! Speak soon?”

“Definitely. Oh and Si?”

“Yeah?”

“When you see Bryce next, tell him to uh.. give me a call? I’d like to talk with him one on one.”

“Sure thing Case. Miss and love you!”

“Bye Si! Miss and love you too!”

The two girls waved goodbye to each other then hung up the call, and Casey put her phone to charge before heading downstairs. Her mom smiled at her as she entered the kitchen.

“How was the call with Sienna and Bryce.”

“It was good.” Casey sighed.

“Only good?”

“Well... me and Sienna kinda found out Bryce likes me when I told them about the boy in my bio class. He acted jealous and then made up this excuse about an errand before bolting off. It’s not like I’m even interested in the boy in bio that way. I only know his first name and that he’s passionate about bio like I am.”

Casey’s mom sighed and placed her hands around Casey’s.

“Listen. Boys are just as complex as girls. But you’re too young to be having boy drama Casey Valentine.” She booped her daughters nose and ruffled her hair, earning a small giggle from Casey before they dug into their meal.

After that night, the next few weeks went past in a blur. Casey heard from Sienna frequently but never heard a word from Bryce. Not one text or call for ages. Until one day she finally had enough of his avoidance game. She was at lunch by herself, and knowing he would most likely be in class, she dialed her old schools number. The scowl on her face was unmissable but she kept her tone level as possible as she spoke to the receptionist that answered.

“Hello, Greenfield Middle School. How may I help you?”

“Hi. It’s Casey Valentine. I’m a former student. I um. I would like to get a very angry message to Bryce Lahela in Mrs. Smith’s homeroom. Can somebody please tell him he is a big headed bitch with an overinflated ego, and he needs to just talk to me.”

“Woah. Sweetheart. You were a very sweet student here. Are things okay at your new school?”

“Things here are fine. I just want my friend to stop being mad at me just because he thinks I like another boy. I’ve wanted to talk with him about it for weeks now. But he’s ignoring me and it’s starting to effect my grades.”

“Okay well um.. We’ll get that message to him.”

Just then Casey froze as Ethan sat with her, opening his lunch box and pulling out his sandwich.

“Thank you. And um... I am so sorry for the harsh language.”

“It’s okay Casey. Goodbye now.”

“Bye.”

Sighing she hung up and placed her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands as she stared straight ahead. Ethan swallowed his food and took a sip of his drink, looking straight at Casey as he done so. He could practically see the gears in her brain working. “Are you okay?” He asked, but Casey was zoned out and could barely hear him. It wasn’t until the bell rang and brought her back to the present moment that she noticed Ethan was still sitting there. Looking at her as if he was studying a plant or something. “What?” she asked, and Ethan simply shrugged, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“I guess I’ll see you in last period.”

“Uhhhh, right.” Casey tried to smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. It seemed pained and forced. She headed to her math class, trying her best to concentrate but her mind kept coming back to Bryce and figuring out he saw her as more than a friend, and somehow it hurt even more that he was ignoring her. Because deep down, she knew she kinda liked him back. She zoned out as she thought about what it would feel like to have his lips press softly against her own. It wasn’t until she heard the teacher shouting her name that she realized how far she had zoned out. Blushing, she snapped her attention back to the front of the class.

“Yes Miss?”

“What’s the answer to question 8c?”

Casey looked down at her text book and read the question, then set a determined look on her face as she turned her gaze back to the teacher at the front of the class. Giving her best smile, she cleared her throat to speak up.

“Of course Miss.The answer is t-“

But she was cut off by another student blurting out the answer. The teacher looking in their direction visibly annoyed.

“Is that what you were going to say Casey?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Pay attention to my class from now on okay?”

Casey gave a nod and the rest of the day dragged by. Even in last period she didn’t smile or engage with the practical properly. Ethan tried getting her to focus, but she just wasn’t in the mood. There was a point where Mr. Nelson had to send another female student to get her from the bathroom. When she returned, she sat in her seat next to Ethan but kept her head down. She had been crying. The one thing she never done at school, because it made her look ‘weak’ and like a perfect target for the popular people because she’s already showing she’s broken. At the end of the day when the school bell rang. She grabbed her bag, stuffing her things inside and rushed out the door and to the bus stop as fast as possible. When her bus arrived she jumped on and secured a seat at the back. Upon getting home, snowball greeted her at the door, but all she could manage to do was stroke his head as she shut the front door before running to her room, shutting the door behind her with a loud bang. Usually she was sad that her mom’s new job finished late, but today she was thankful. She had so many tears left to get out that she just laid on her bed and let them fall. As she was crying her phone rang, “Not the greatest timing Si.” she muttered as she rolled over and fished through her bag to get it out. Her eyebrows raised a little when she saw Bryce’s name across the screen, yet she didn’t answer because she didn’t need him to hear the brokenness in her voice right now. She left it to ring but suddenly this boy was relentless in his attempts at trying to contact her. She knew she should answer, but she just couldn’t. Crying was all she could do right now.

--- In California ---

“Come on pick up. Please pick up.”

Bryce paced in Sienna’s room as he waited for Casey to answer her phone. Sienna was sitting at her desk doing homework, or at least she was trying. Bryce had been pacing for about 5 minutes when she had finally had enough.

“Bryce could you please just sit down.”

“I can’t Sienna. She’s not answering. What if she’s in danger? What if she’s hurt somewhere. What if she’s... with him...” Bryce said, swallowing hard as he spoke his last words.

“Bryce.” Sienna sighed and got to her feet. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’s probably having dinner or time with her mom.  You know she’s three hours ahead of us now.”

“I know it’s just..... I really like her Si and I’m scared I’ve lost her to someone else.”

“Well.. Have you thought about the third possibility here?”

“Third possibility?”

“Yeah. That she’s ignoring you to show you how it’s felt for her these past few weeks. She’s usually so bubbly. But every phone call I’ve had with her recently.. she’s sounded deflated and not like the Casey we know and love so much.”

“Oh God. What if I broke her? She probably hates me now! I should never have stormed off like that when- Oh God.”

Bryce sat on Sienna’s bed, his hands now trembling as he dug his fingers into his hair and pulled. A mix of anger, guilt and sadness in his chest. “GODDAMNIT!” he said harshly through clenched teeth. Sienna sat next to him, placing a comforting hand on his back. In that moment he broke too. He let himself fall into Sienna shoulder as he sobbed. He said some words as he sobbed but she couldn’t make them out. Sienna was stroking Bryce’s arm as her bedroom door opened slowly and her mom popped her head in.

“Si? I heard a shout is everything o- Oh! What’s happened?”

“Just some girl trouble.”

“... This is about Casey isn’t it?”

Sienna looked at her mom shocked for a moment before looking at her sorrowfully and giving a small nod. Her mom came into the room and pulled up a chair near Bryce and Sienna.

“Look. I may be old. But I’ve seen the way you look at that girl Bryce. So what’s happened? Did she reject you? Has she got a boyfriend at her new school? What’s up?”

Bryce hiccupped as he tried to calm himself down to speak but it didn’t work. Every time he got ready to speak, emotion overwhelmed him again.  

“Casey is sort of crushing on this boy in her bio class. She won’t openly admit it. But what she has admitted is that she likes Bryce back. Only she’s giving him a taste of his own medicine because the last time they spoke, Bryce got jealous when she told us about this boy and stormed off. He hasn’t tried contacting her until tonight when she’s tried reaching out constantly. The only reason he’s snapped back to reality, is because she called the school office today and asked for a message to be passed on.”

“I see. Well, Bryce, maybe just wait it out? She’ll call you back. I’m sure she’s just a mess at the minute and doesn’t want you to hear her broken. I done a similar thing when I was your ages and had the attention of two very attractive boys.”

“Really? Mom, how come you’ve never told me this?!”

“Because I was saving the story. But it’s how I met your father. I fell in love with him and those boys ran home to nurse their wounded egos after being chewed out by your dad for showing me disrespect by fighting over me.”

Bryce sniffled and sat up straight, looking at Sienna’s mom with bright red circles around his eyes. Sienna handed him a tissue.

“Thanks Si.” He blew his nose and cleared his throat before speaking to Sienna’s mom.

“So what you’re saying is, if I want any chance of dating Casey I have to not fight over her with another guy like she’s a prize?”

“Exactly my sweet. Girls hate being treated like they’re some trophy prize in a race. They just want love, loyalty, respect and to get to know you. The real you that’s inside here.” Sienna’s mom patted her chest over her heart with a kind smile as she looked back at Bryce. “Treat her like the beautiful human she is and never lose track of the fact she’s just that. Human. Not a trophy.”

Bryce sniffled again and gave Sienna’s mom a grateful smile and a small nod.

“Thank you, Mrs. Trinh. I’ll remember that.”

“You better. Otherwise I’ll whoop your ass.”

The three laughed together and shared a hug, Sienna’s mom then leaving and heading back downstairs. Bryce looked at Sienna and gave a shy smile, eyeing the shoulder of her shirt.

“Sorry about soaking your shoulder.”

“It’s okay. You feel better now?”

“Much.” He smiled.

“Then I’m doing my job of being a friend well.”

“Are you kidding Si? You’re the best friend a guy like me could ask for!”

“Aw Bryce! You’ve gone all soft!”

Sienna carried on teasing him for a little while before her mom called them for dinner, and they rushed down the stairs. The aroma’s of another amazing homecooked meal hitting their nostrils before they were even half way to the dining room.

--- Back On The East Coast ---

Hours had passed since Casey had gotten in and cried herself to sleep as she waited for her mom to get home. Ignoring phone calls from Bryce. Since then she had been woken up, had dinner and spent some time with her mom. She now sat in her room at her laptop as she watched some videos on the internet. It was late but she couldn’t sleep. Everything was becoming too much. She paused her video and picked up her phone from her desk, taking it off charge. Her hand shook hesitantly over Bryce’s number before just pressing call. Finding herself immediately pacing the length of her room back and forth until he picked up.

“Casey! I uh mean.. Casey. Hey.”

She wanted to giggle at him. Hearing his voice after so long brought a smile to her face and renewed her energy.

“H-hey Bryce.” She spoke shyly down the phone. “Are you okay?”

“Ye- I- ... No. I’m not. I’m not okay at all.”

“Why? What’s wrong? Did you fail your math test again?”

Bryce let out a small chuckle as a soft smile spread itself on his features. She still had a sense of humor like his Casey always had. ... His Casey. He smiled even more at the thought of calling her that.

“...um Bryce? Are you still there? ... Hello?”

He snapped back to reality and cleared his throat.

“Hi. Yes, I’m still here hon- Casey.”

Damn it Bryce. Control yourself, she’s not your girlfriend yet. Casey smiled and continued talking.

“I’ve missed you Bryce.”

“I.. you have?”

“yes. I’ve hated every part of the last few weeks. At first Ethan helped me out a little. But-”

“Ethan?”

“Oh. Right. I never told you guys his name. The boy from my biology class. His name’s Ethan.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“If it helps. He doesn’t do relationships you know. He doesn’t want the distraction and I don’t even think he likes me back. So you have no competition. If that’s what this has been about.” Casey said and she stopped pacing and sat on her bed.

“Competition? I-, Yeah you’re right. I guess I did see him as competition.”

“Well you can relax. Okay Brycie?”

“Heh. I didn’t notice how much I missed you calling me that until now.”

“Sooo. Are we...”

“Yeah. We’re good.”

“Woop!”

Bryce chuckled at Casey, wishing he could hug her. He let out a long sigh, a clear indication that something was wrong, which immediately made Casey frown.

“What’s wrong, Bryce? Seriously. You’ve never sounded so glum.”

“I’ve never gone so long without being able to give you a hug.”

“... Our hugs. They were never just hugs were they?”

“What do you-”

“Bryce, come on. We’re both smart kids. Those hugs were more to you weren’t they?”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line until Bryce let out another sigh. But this one sounded a little different.

“Yeah... they did. They were um... They were my way of saying that I like you more than you’ll ever know.”

Now it was Casey’s turn to be silent as she processed his words. He sounded so sure. Almost as if he wanted to say a different four letter L word, but wouldn’t. She could understand why. They were still young, how could they know what love actually is? That’s what older generations would say anyway. “You’re only 14, you wouldn’t know the meaning of love if it hit you in the face!” She let out a small laugh at the subtle obscenity of her thoughts, forgetting she was on the phone until she heard Bryce’s hesitant voice again.

“Um, Casey...”

“Ah! Hoooo. Don’t scare me like that!” She whined and Bryce chuckled.

“You zoned out huh?”

“... yeah.”

“Look. When can I see you again. I miss you so much! Sienna does too but-”

“I get it Bryce. You want to hug me again.”

“... yeah. I do.”

“There’s always the summer.”

“But... that’s ages away and I.. Well uh-”

He sounds so shy and different. Maybe his voice has broken a little bit? Casey didn’t know for sure, but his tone did sound a little deeper. They spoke for a little while longer before Casey started yawning, sleep quickly wanting to take over her body.

“Getting tired huh?”

“... mmm, yeah.”

“Then I shall let Sleeping Beauty go and get her Beauty sleep. Even though she looks beautiful with bags under her eyes too.”

“UM. RUDE!”

“Only being truthful...”

They laughed together, the sound genuine and full. Then they said their goodbyes and hung up, both going to bed to get what sleep they could. Glad they had gotten over the bump in their relationship at last.

The months passed by and suddenly spring break had arrived. Casey was waiting out the front of the school for her mom to come and pick her up when a figure stopped beside her. She was watching a video Sienna had sent her of Bryce doing something real goofy, so she didn’t speak or look up to greet whoever it was until the video finished.

“Oh, Ethan. Hi”

“Hey. Uh...”

She could see he was nervous, so she locked and bagged her phone then gave him a friendly smile.

“How can I help? Did I accidently keep your pen again?”

“No. Nothing like that.” He chuckled. Casey froze. It was the first time she had heard him chuckle so genuinely.

“...Oh. so uh, what’s up?”

“This is going to sound so stupid. But um. My dad is going to be working late and I’ve locked myself out of the house. Would it be okay if I uh.. came to yours until he could pick me up? I would ask someone else but you’re actually the only person I consider, a friend.”

Casey looked up as she saw a car, her mom smiled and waved at her through the window. Casey smiled and waved back, then turned her attention back to Ethan.

“Let me just ask my mom. It should be okay, but I wouldn’t want to do anything wrong.”

“Yeah. Sure.” He smiled at her and she walked to the car, opening the trunk and throwing her bag in before opening the passenger side door, sticking her head in.

“Hey mom? Ethan’s locked himself out of his house. Could he come home with us until his dad can pick him up later?”

“Sure honey.”

“Thanks mom.”

She stood up straight and called out to him, he walked over and got in the back as Casey secured her front seat and turned on the radio, singing along to the pop songs all the way home. When they got inside, snowball raced towards Casey almost knocking her over.

“Hey boy!” she exclaimed as she crouched down and ruffled his furry coat as he licked her face. “Oh! I’ve missed you too buddy! Did you have a good day?”

Snowball woofed excitedly and Casey grinned back, pretending to understand, talking back in between each woof. Her mom made her way to the kitchen as Ethan stood by the now closed door awkwardly.

“An adventure?! Into space? ... No way! You’ll have to take me next time. I’d love to see your rocket ship!” She giggled as snowball jumped on her, giving her a hug before walking off to find Casey’s mom. She stood up and turned to Ethan, still smiling.

“Is that-?”

“That’s snowball yeah.”

“He seems very.... Energetic.”

Casey threw her head back a little as she laughed and nodded. “He is. But he’s such a lovely dog.”

She was about to suggest going upstairs when Ethan’s stomach interrupted the unspoken thought as it grumbled loudly.

“Would you like a snack? We have plenty of supplies.”

“Oh. No. I couldn’t take your food. I’m only taking shelter here until I can go home.”

At that moment Ethan’s phone pinged. His face fell as he read the message.

“Ethan.. what is it?”

“My dad.. He um. Won’t be able to get me until the morning. Where am I going to go now?”

“You can stay in our guest room. Or we could have a sleepover in the living room.”

“A sleepover? That’s ridiculous.” He said, trying to hide the tiny smile that was creeping onto his features. He didn’t want to admit he actually liked the idea.

“It’s not. Look, let’s ask mom if you can stay the night and then we can decide on sleeping arrangements.” Casey went to the kitchen in search of her mom.

“Mom?!”

“In here honey pie!”

She followed the sound to the living room and sat next to her mom on the couch, looking at her with a smile.

“What’s up?”

“Could Ethan stay tonight? His dad can’t pick him up until the morning now.”

“Oh honey, of course! We can’t just throw him onto the streets!”

“Thanks mom. If we wanted to. Would it be okay to sleep in here?”

Her mom gave her a smile and squeezed her arm gently. “Of course.”

She hugged her mom and returned to Ethan, a light bouncy energy about her as she smiled from ear to ear.  “It’s okay for you to stay. Now let’s get you something to eat.” She said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him to the kitchen as she ignored his protests. “What would you like? Something sweet? Savory?” She turned to him as she closed a cupboard.

“C-could I have a grilled cheese?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

Casey grabbed the bread and made two grilled cheese sandwiches then handed Ethan his.

“Let’s go upstairs!”

“Um. Okay.”

Ethan followed her hesitantly and they enter her room, Casey closing the door behind him.

“Um shouldn’t you-?”

“What? Leave it open? No. My mom trusts me and besides even if we were older, we’re just friends. We wouldn’t be engaging in that kind of activity.” She sat on her bed and patted the spot next to her, gesturing for Ethan to sit down. He hesitated then sat on the floor. Casey gave him a look, but he just shrugged. They ate their food then Casey took the plates to the kitchen and washed them up before returning to her room and climbing back on her bed.

“Are you seriously studying right now?”

“Yes. Studying is imperative if you want good grades and I want good grades so..”

“You can be such a killjoy Ethan.”

He wished he had a witty comment ready to fire at her, but he didn’t so he just smiled before going back to his book. Casey was flipping through TV channels when her phone rang. She looked at the screen and smiled before answering it. Normally she would put it to her ear, but it was a facetime call, so she held it in the air, earning a weird look from Ethan as she pressed accept.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“I-”

“Casey?” someone said on the call

She shook her head and then smiled at the screen.

“Hey Sienna!”

“Am I still a ghost to you on these things?” Bryce joked as he poked his head in the corner of the screen.

“No Bryce. You’re not. But, if you aren’t on screen when I look, I’m always going to assume that Si is alone.”

Bryce rolled his eyes good naturedly then disappeared again.

“Where are you guys anyway?”

“We’re in Target. We’re choosing snacks for the picnic tomorrow.”

“You guys better not have too much fun without me.”

“How could we? You and Bryce together were the fun.”

“Which means.” Bryce said as he came back into view, arms full of chips and other delicious looking snacks. “We will only ever have half the fun whilst you’re gone.”

Casey smiled at that. She was so thankful for them. Most people would have given up contact like this by now if their friend had moved as far away from them as Casey had from Sienna and Bryce. But almost every day like clockwork, there they were. Calling her, facetiming, being there with jokes and ready to help her study when she needed it. Their bond and friendship was pure and true. It just felt right. Bryce and Casey didn’t know if they were going to try at being more than just friends, but they knew they seriously liked each other, and it showed. In the past few weeks, they had gotten comfortable with sharing light hearted flirty jokes. She was talking to them about what she was probably going to be doing over spring break without them when Ethan waved to get her attention.

“One second guys.”

She kept the camera on herself and looked at Ethan.

“What’s up?”

“I can’t figure out the answer to this math question. Could you help quick?” Ethan asked

Casey smiled and moved from her bed next to Ethan on the floor. Looking at the question.

 She looked at the equation but the longer she looked the more stumped she started to feel. She read the full question over and over but the equation that needed to be answered left her at a loss for thought, let alone a loss for words.

“I... I don’t know.”

“Ugh. This is stupid!” Ethan exclaimed and slammed the book shut, taking off his glasses and rubbing his hands over his face.

“Well why don’t you put the books away and come say hi to my friends from my old school?”

“Because they’re exactly that. You’re friends. I don’t do friendships. Well... unless it’s you. Everyone else at school is dumb.”

Casey chuckled at him and shook her head. She’d forgotten her phone was angled at her, meaning Sienna and Bryce could probably see him anyway.

“Is that Ethan?” Sienna said, their attention snapped to Casey’s phone to find Sienna smiling at them. Bryce was doing his best to look friendly, but Casey could see he was kinda jealous that she had another guy friend. Casey smiled at the screen and ruffled Ethan’s hair as she nodded. He scowled at her but she just grinned, it took him a while, but he clicked.

“You done that on purpose!” he exclaimed

“Yup. This is Ethan. The least approachable 14 year old you’ll ever know.”

“I am not unapproachable.”

“Are to.”

“Then why do you approach me?”

“I don’t. If I remember correctly, you’re the one who seeks me out a lunch sometimes. And if we’re ever in the same hall. You come to me.”

“Well yeah. Because we have biology together. If you don’t want a walking partner, I’ll stop.”

“Uh-huh.” She gave him a knowing look and the four carried on talking for another hour before Casey had to hang up and put her phone on charge. They moved to Casey’s bed and put on some medical TV show Ethan liked. He was super engrossed, but Casey felt tired and didn’t want her eyes to strain more than necessary so rolled on her side, facing away from Ethan and closed her eyes. She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew her mom was standing in her doorway, calling her name.

“Casey. Casey!”

Casey jolted awake but didn’t sit up fast enough, and ended up rolling off the bed. As she landed the was a yelp of pain and Ethan lent over to look down at her.

“Are you okay?”

“I hit my head.”

“Here.” Ethan held his hand out and helped her up. She laid back on her bed, tears stinging her eyes.

“I’m sorry poppet. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Her mom said, coming in and sitting on the edge of the bed. “I only came to ask what you kids would like for dinner. I’m ordering Indian.”

“Same as always please mom. Chicken Korma, rice and naan. Also extra poppadum’s for snacking on later.”

Ethan looked at her with his mouth agape.

“You do that too?”

“Do what?” Casey asked

“Get poppadum’s for snacking on.”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I do that. I thought I was alone.”

“You’re never really alone.”

He smiled before giving Casey’s mom his order and she left to order it. When it arrived they sat around the dining table talking about school, how work went for Casey’s mom, and Ethan told them a bit about what it was like for him growing up on the east coast so far. After dinner, Casey and Ethan moved sleeping supplies to the living room. Casey told spooky stories, and Ethan tried his best to keep a stoic expression at all of them, though internally, he admitted to himself that some of them were scaring the shit out of him.

After that night, Casey and Ethan were inseparable. They done almost everything together. If he wasn’t at Casey’s house to study after school, they were at his. They had started hanging out every lunchtime and despite the weird looks everyone gave them, they smiled and laughed as they carried on with their conversations. When summer break came round, Ethan was at Casey’s to say goodbye as she was going back to California to see Bryce and Sienna for 3 weeks. They were some of the most boring weeks he had experienced in a while. He didn’t notice how happy he was to have her as a friend until she had left. When she came back, she stopped at his house to give him a gift and say hi. Soon the months had turned into years and they were in the last stretch of their senior year. Ethan developed feelings of attraction to Casey as they got older, but had to restrain himself from taking action on them, because on her 15th birthday, she started a relationship with Bryce. They were happy together despite the hardships the distance brought them. They made an effort to see each other in person as much as they could. But by halfway through senior year, Bryce wasn’t feeling as enthusiastic about things as he had been. One day he called Casey. She answered happily but by the end of the call, she couldn’t focus on anything. She laid in the middle of her bed, cuddling a pillow as tears stung her eyes, her heart continued to shatter, and his words echoed in her head.

“Casey... I don’t think this is going to work much longer. We either need to be just friends or just go our own ways.”

She was broken. She really loved Bryce, and he loved her back. At least that’s what she thought. But after that call, doubt after doubt came into her mind. Her tears were hot and stung her eyes. She didn’t leave her room that night and the next few days she completely skipped school. She couldn’t see anyone, and she didn’t want anyone to see her. How could Bryce do this to her? She wanted so badly to ask Sienna if he’d been acting differently at all, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she ignored every message and incoming call she got. The furthest she moved was to use the toilet or get a drink. She hated what she was feeling. She cried, day and night all alone in her room until finally one night when she was in the middle of what felt like her millionth time crying, her door creaked open and a head popped in.

“I’m fine mom. I’ll go back to school Monday, just like I promised.”

“Casey... I’m not your mother.”

She looked at the door and saw Ethan standing there, he had pushed the door wide open and was holding a bag.

“What’s in the bag.”

“Everything needed to help you feel better.”

“I’m not going to feel better Ethan. I’m broken. No tape, bandage, glue or amount of chocolate is going to fix me. I loved.. no I love him.”

Ethan sighed. He’d been talking with Sienna through Pictagram DM’s, and the two were sharing mutual feelings of disgust and horror at the videos and pictures taken secretly that Sienna was sending. He didn’t love Casey anymore. If he ever did at all. He was acting like the perfect stereotypical jock. He’d dumped Casey and gotten together with the bleach blonde barbie looking cheerleader. It was so cliché that it made Ethan sick. She didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. Bryce had sworn to Ethan he would never break Casey’s heart. Yet here she was, in bed, skipping school and looking more disheveled than a well-used mop, crying over a boy who broke her heart and no longer loved her back. Ethan stepped in the room and closed the door, walking over and sitting on her bed next to her.

“You’re right. You’re not going to feel better with just chocolates, a hug or two and cheesy rom-com movies. Not even trash talking him is going to help you fully heal from the pain you’re feeling. But I’m here for you Casey. Always have been. Always will be. Sienna too. She’s planning to come and see you as soon as possible.”

Casey brought her gaze to Ethan’s face and his heart panged in his chest at how red and swollen her eyes were. He controlled the rage he felt inside towards Bryce and smiled at her kindly, she couldn’t manage a smile back, but she did sit up and crawl into his lap. This is what she had needed, hugs from her best friend on the east coast. She had gotten a few from her mom, though they didn’t feel as comfortable as Ethan’s did. He grabbed her blanket and wrapped it round her shoulders before continuing the hug. He didn’t know how he was going to do it, but he had just given himself the job of fixing a broken heart.

Monday came quicker than Casey would have liked. She pulled herself out of bed and got ready for school, practicing her game face in the mirror but there was no point. She was sad. The kind of sad you can’t hide no matter how much you smile, scowl or keep a neutral expression. Sighing, she grabbed her bag and headed downstairs, opening the front door to head out only to be met with a smiling Ethan.

“Ready?” he asked as she looked at him perplexed

“No.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

He grabbed her hand and together they walked to school. He would have linked their arms but that felt too joyous. It was something they done as they walked along happily before breaking out into a skip. And there was no way he was going to let her stubbornness make them late. Holding her hand felt like the only option left, though as they neared the front of the school, Ethan acted as though he was dragging Casey behind him.

“I really don’t want to be here.” She whined.

Perfect. She was helping his case and unintentionally too. There wouldn’t be gossip and rumors today surrounding Ethan and Casey’s relationship status with each other. The day was tough. Everyone was asking where she had been, if it was true she’d been dumped and if she was with Ethan now or still single. Ethan fielded all the questions like he was her personal press secretary, and protected her like her bodyguard all day. They were sitting together at lunch when a familiar looking bleach blonde caught Ethan’s eye. Halting his conversation with Casey briefly, he looked at his phone. He went onto his messages with Sienna, silently cursing under his breath when his suspicions were ultimately confirmed. He thought she went to the same school as Bryce. He was typing out a message when he heard Casey scoff loudly.

“Ugh. What is she doing here?”

“Who?” Ethan asked, stopping typing for a minute and looking up from his phone.

“Melissia Haywood. I thought I got rid of her when I left Cali.”

“You.. know her?”

“Yeah. She’s the reason I moved here. She bullied me the whole way through school, until one day, I couldn’t take it anymore and made a scene until mom agreed to let me move.”

“Uh.. then I guess you should h-” he was cut off by Melissia’s voice as she stopped in front of Casey “hear it from me.” he mumbled but Casey didn’t hear him finish speaking over the volume of the other girls voice.

“Casey!” she shrilled

“What do you want?” Casey said monotonously as she took a sip of her water.

“Well I came here to say thank you.”

“To whom?”

“To you of course. Silly.”

“Why me?”

“Because you dumped Bryce so he could be happy with me. Finally!”

In that moment everything and everyone else froze around her as she zeroed in on Melissia’s smug face. Every emotion that had started to even out, came flooding back with full force, only this time it felt 100 times more painful. Bryce had dumped her for Melissia? Why the fuck would he do that? He knew what she had done to Casey. He was even there most times to help her back on her feet again. Now he had dumped her and gotten together in a relationship with the bleach blonde whore. She rose to her feet and tackled Melissia to the floor. Punching, kicking, spitting, hair pulling. Anything she could do to hurt Melissia. A crowd was around them instantly, cheering Casey on when they saw that she had the clear advantage. Ethan tried pulling Casey off Melissia, but her legs were hooked around the girl beneath her tight. He got her off finally with the help of a teacher and took her inside to their classroom.

Back in the courtyard Melissia was laying on the ground, bloody, her hair a mess and some bruises already forming on her skin. Teachers worked to disperse the crowd and get them to classrooms. Casey sat in the classroom fuming. You could almost see the steam coming from her ears. Ethan wanted to hug her, but he didn’t want his contact to be unwanted.

“Do you need a hug?”

“No, Ethan. I don’t. I need to punch that whores face in until she can no longer see and needs a thousand surgeries to reconstruct it!”

“Why don’t I just get you a punching bag instead?”

“Is it going to be her face?”

“No... Not exactly. But we could stick a picture of her face on it.”

The anger now left her body and was replaced by hurt as she started crying. Yeah, she needed that hug now. Ethan opened his arms and she ran into them. Locking her hands round his torso and sobbing loudly into his chest.

“WHHYYYYYYYY. WHY WOULD HE DO THIS TO MEEEE?” she cried loudly, gripping onto his jacket tightly. Ethan wanted to tell her it was okay, that everything was going to be fine. But he knew that wouldn’t help Casey right now. All he could do was rub her back soothingly and whisper “I’m here” as they waited for someone to come and get them. They sat waiting and Casey’s cries eventually subsided into hiccups. The room was quiet but then her phone rang. She’d know the number anywhere, it was Bryce. The first time he’d called in a while, but she just ignored it. “Who is it?” Ethan asked when it just kept ringing. “Him.” She snarled, arms crossed and still ignoring the call, but Ethan picked up.

“Casey what the FUCK were yo-”

“No. You listen here you heartbreaking piece of scum! Casey had every right to do what she just done. Do you know how many nights she’s spent crying. Not just to sleep. But EVERY. FUCKING. HOUR. Of the day. Do you know how hurt she is but still can’t bring herself to throw away her Christmas sweater that matched yours. Do you even care that you’ve broken her to the point where she saw that violence was the answer?! Let me answer that for you Bryce Lahela. No. You don’t. because if you did you wouldn’t have broken up with her. You would have loved her for who she is. Like you did in the beginning and your feelings for her would never had changed. But now you’re at the age where all that matters is sex and drinking and partying until late. You no longer care about Casey do you? ... DO YOU!”

“I-”

“You know that Casey doesn’t want to do any of that yet. You know. And instead of respecting that and loving her.. you’d rather break her and date a whore. So have a great life with Melissia, Bryce. Because once she’s done having her fun with you. Cheats and walks out the door. Casey is not going to be there to take you back. Because I won’t let her make that mistake again. So lose this number. Unfollow her accounts. And never, I mean never, bother her again.”

Ethan didn’t even wait for a reply, he just angrily hung up the phone and placed it back on the table. Fury was blazing in his eyes, and for the first time Casey saw it. He was doing this because he loved her. She was in no shape to be jumping into another relationship right now, but she sat staring at him thinking that maybe, one day. Maybe she could ask Ethan to go on a date.

After the incident, the rest of school passed by in a blur and soon they had graduated. It was hard for Casey, but Ethan was there everyday with whatever it was she needed. Hugs, pizza rolls, trash talking sessions, help with catching up or homework. And it all paid off when they stood on their school field in their graduation gowns and caps. That night Ethan and his dad were at Casey’s for dinner. The mood was bright and cheerful, Ethan smiled at Casey as she was smiling her first genuine smile in months.

“I can’t believe I done it!” she exclaimed as she gave her mom a hug.

“I can. I always believed you would.” Ethan smiled.

“Aw, thanks.” Casey blushed.

“So, what are you kiddo’s doing during your gap year?” Ethan’s dad asked

“Well, we done a lot of talking and deciding and then rethinking that decision. But.. we’ve decided to go backpacking around Europe.” Casey explained as she looked at Ethan who nodded enthusiastically.

“We still want to be doctors, but we thought that a break would be good to reset the mood. And give Casey time to heal as best as she can from what’s happened.”

Casey’s mom smiled at the two. “Promise me you’ll look after my little girl.”

“Of course, Ms. Valentine, I’ll always look after her. For the rest of her life. She’s stuck with me, whether she likes it or not.” Casey scrunched up her nose as Ethan ruffled her hair with a low chuckle.

“Get oooofffff.” She whined as she pushed his arm away.

They all enjoyed a buffet style dinner that night and Ethan said goodbye to his dad, deciding to stay the night with Casey in the living room. After they had showered and gotten ready for bed, They settled down on the inflatable air beds and Casey laughed.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just remembering the first night we done this. You seemed so uneasy, but now look at you. Asking to stay the night and saying goodbye to your dad like a big boy.”

“I am a big boy Case. I just graduated senior year, in case you didn’t notice.”

The two laughed together as the TV spoke quietly in the background. The laughing subsided and they looked at each other. There was something dancing in Ethan’s eyes. It almost seemed as though he had a question, but was afraid to ask it.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Casey asked

“Hrm?” Ethan hummed, turning his attention back to Casey

“You look troubled.”

Ethan sighed heavily. “I just keep thinking about how I wish you didn’t have to go through something so scummy. And how I wish I knew how long it was going to take for the healing process to work because I just..”

“You, what?... Ethan.”

“I want to take you on a date. I wish I could just ask you to be my girlfriend because I want to love you so bad.”

“Ethan, I...”

“No. It’s okay. I just needed to say how I feel.”

“How about tomorrow?”

“What?”

“A date. Tomorrow. Me, you, something lowkey.”

“...Seriously? Are you being serious?” Ethan smiled brightly as he sat up looking at Casey.

“Yeah. After all. You’ve been doing a great job at fixing my broken heart, I wouldn’t want you to stop and.... I sort of like you too.”

Ethan let out a little scream and rolled onto the floor, crawling over to Casey and hugging her.

“You have no idea how happy I feel right now.”

“I may not. But I can see it on your face.”

“Can I give you a kiss?”

Casey thought for a moment. Was she ready for something like that again? After a while she came to a conclusion.

“Sure. But just a peck.”

Ethan smiled at her and pecked her lips. “You don’t have to say it yet Case, but I love you, and I’m never going to stop fixing your broken heart. Even when it’s not broken anymore.”

[tourderex]

Day 11: We ended our stay at Jane and Dick’s with a nice breakfast and a shower for some of us before we hit the road again! First stop wasn’t too far; we stopped in Walpole to meet up with Anna and her kids for coffee and treats. Sara surprised us and stopped by too. From there we had a rainy drive through NH and into Vermont. But the countryside is breathtaking rain or shine. Dad insisted we take the scenic route 100, which takes a little longer, and is a little windier, but very pretty and full of more memories. We stopped at Moss Glen Falls to take the same photo that we took at that spot when I was around 14 with Jeff and Marla in front of the falls. As we were getting back into the RV, Ethan noticed the pretty rainbow on the ground…uh oh. Oil slicks make rainbow patterns on the ground. We pulled into a gas station down the road to further investigate to see if there was a leak. It turns out the gas station store didn’t have any oil (🤔), but a very kind Vermonter stopped and asked if we needed help. My dad told him what was going on and thanked him for checking on us. The guy left, and apparently went back to his house, and came back a quart of oil since the gas station didn’t have any! Wow! The kindness of strangers is so heartwarming and inspiring. “Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change.” -(Bob Kerrey). Unfortunately our leaking woes led to some added stress, so we had to skip passing through Stowe and going to Ben and Jerry’s. Cohen is pretty bummed! I’m hoping we can find a way to squeeze it in tomorrow…gotta have Ben and Jerry’s when you’re in Vermont! But it’s not too likely. My dad is calling a local mechanic to see if they can get the RV in early tomorrow morning to check things out. We’re concerned that it actually might be transmission fluid that’s leaking. 😱. The good news is that we arrived safe and sound at McKinstry Hill for the night. We had another great pizza night with Judy, Sally, Bob and Kevin. And salad!! Thank you for feeding us veggies! 🎉😄. And strawberry shortcake too! 😉

The kids and I ditched Dad and Marla in the RV tonight and are sleeping in the house…in real beds!!! THANK YOU Judy for kindly giving us our own beds to sleep in!!! 🙏🏾 We’re looking forward to checking out the pond in the morning. The kids have been excited to come here and try catch frogs again!

Our original itinerary has us headed to Karen and Mark’s tomorrow, and then on to the ferry to NY. We might have to veer off schedule and adjust depending on how things go at the mechanics. Wish us luck with mechanic and the RV, hopefully it’s a quick and easy (and cheap) fix!

[smytimagine]

Part III | Surprise Visitors

We get some other character’s perspectives in this chapter!

Warnings: Mild swearing

Word Count: 3,442

A/N: I’m in the middle of writing other chapters but I can’t decide, does Y/N end up with Grayson… or Ethan?!

part 1 part 2

Thank God the next day was Saturday, and although that didn’t mean a whole lot since I usually spent the day with the twins anyway, today was different.

I spent the whole night curled up in my bed watching chick flicks and ignoring Ethan’s persistent calls and texts. To be fair, I felt bad and had at least let him know I made it home safely but didn’t respond after that. It’s not like it was Ethan’s fault, he didn’t know about Grayson’s new girlfriend either, but I couldn’t tell Ethan how I felt if I wasn’t even sure how I felt.

Grayson had always been my best friend. When I moved out to LA from Connecticut the twins were the first real friends I had made. I had prior experience as a personal assistant to very wealthy CEO’s at large companies, and a recruiter had seen my resume and asked me if I was interested in a position with two clients who were social media moguls. I had no idea who the twins were when I met them, as I suppose I wasn’t their target demographic. I was 3 years older than them and had no idea what vine even was, never mind that they had blown up on the app. I guess you could say I wasn’t the trendiest teen back then. 

The three of us had hit it off right away, probably because I treated them like normal people, I never put them on a pedestal. I wasn’t blind to how girls looked at them, I was even an unwilling target to some online slander from people who wanted to pin me to one of them. But it was never like that. We truly were just best friends, until now.

As I sat in my bed debating if I was ever going to crawl out of this mess of blankets and sheets, I wasn’t sure where I stood with the twins. Of course, I would always be professional when it came to work, but I now felt this awkwardness around Grayson. What was Ethan hinting at when he told Grayson he needed to tell me about his girlfriend? Why would they think I needed to know? Grayson didn’t owe me anything. Was there some kind of secret behind my back about me liking Grayson? Because certainly, I had never implied that, or at least I don’t think I did? Ethan would never go behind my back and make something like that up, so I wasn’t sure where any of this stemmed from.

______________

Noon rolled around and I finally pulled myself together enough to drag my ass out of bed and into the kitchen for some food. Still drowning in Ethan’s sweatshirt and a pair of PJ shorts I had thrown on.

“Well it’s about damn time,” a deep voice said from behind me

I jumped and threw my back against the fridge, I held a knife stabbed halfway through an avocado in my hand, looking towards my couch to see a mop of dark hair facing away from me towards the wall of windows

“ETHAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” I screamed

“We have a spare key in case of emergencies Y/N. After you texted me you were home last night you never answered any of my other attempts to talk. I was genuinely worried about you. I came over around 3 am and saw you sleeping in bed surrounded by tissues. I decided I would sleep on the couch and be here when you woke up, I didn’t want you to be alone. I texted you that, but apparently, you decided to just let your phone die. Now please, put down the knife, that avocado isn’t very threatening ” Ethan laughed as he made his way towards me.

My heart melted. Here I was wasting the day away feeling sorry for myself when this man in front of me came over just to see if I was okay and then slept here in case I needed anything. What the hell did I do to deserve him?

I didn’t say anything, I tossed the knife on the counter and walked towards Ethan, I tucked my head into his chest and felt him wrap his arms around me. He pecked the top of my head and rubbed his hands slowly up and down my back. We stood silently in the embrace for a while.

“I’m okay E, to be honest, I’m not even sure why I was so upset. I told you before there was nothing going on between Gray and me, and now it’s just proof.” I said softly

“Y/N, you may not have thought there was anything, but there was - there is. I saw it, the guys all saw it. To be honest, you weren’t the only one let down last night. After the guys left they all texted me bummed out about the whole situation. There is absolutely no one who is as perfect for Gray as you. Literally, everyone around you guys can see that”

I felt myself smile into Ethan’s chest at his kind words, it felt nice that everyone thought so highly of me. That they all thought that I was good enough for their best friend and brother. But at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. He had a girlfriend, and she wasn’t me.

I pulled away from him with his hands still resting on my shoulders. I tried to change the subject, as anything would be a better conversation than this.

“So, what should we do today Etee?” I smirked as I teased him. He hated that nickname and I knew it, but it was cute.

Ethan sighed at my use of his name, “Well, Mom and Cam are coming into town today actually, I’m supposed to pick them up in a few hours. Do you want to come?”

I loved the twin’s family. Their sister was my age and so much fun to gang up on the boys with. Their mom Lisa was the best. She was super supportive of everything the boys did and would even check up on me once in a while. My mom had never been exactly present in my life, so in a way, she helped to fill the void.

“Is that even a question?!” I asked, suddenly feeling my mood shift to pure excitement.

“I thought you might like that, we have to pick them up around 2:30, it’s going to take us an hour to get there from here, so you better get your ass in the shower because you fucking stink,” He said, pulling his head to the side implying he was trying to escape me.

“Oh, fuck you, dude. I absolutely do not stink, and even if I did, it’s your sweatshirt, which means you’re the stinky one” I scoffed at him, smirked, then turned to head down the hall towards the shower.

______________

Ethan POV

I watched Y/N walk away and head towards the bathroom, my eyes inspecting every inch of her body. She was perfect. She had absolutely no idea how perfect she actually was. I couldn’t stand the fact that my idiot brother had this perfect of a woman pining for him and decided to ignore her for someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother. He’s my best friend. But he can be a real idiot. The thing is, I’m not even sure he knows Y/N is crazy for him. In fact, Y/N doesn’t even know she’s crazy about him, but everyone else knows. They are so perfect for each other it makes me want to vomit out of jealousy. Someday I want to find someone as perfect as she is, though I know it will be a challenge.

I told her my mom and sister were coming into town today, and they are. But, I might have left out the part that I called them late last night and asked them to come. I explained what happened at the fire and when they agreed to come, I booked them on the next available flight out here.

They loved Y/N as much as Grayson and I did. My mom thought of her as her own, considering Y/N’s mom wasn’t the best. She left when Y/N was little and calls her once in a while when she runs low on money. Grayson and I have been throwing extra cash into her paychecks to cover it. We told her it was a pay raise, which part of it was, but we doubled it and if Y/N knew she would kill us. She never asks for anything, never expects anything, and never tries to inconvenience anyone. Her dad has always tried his best, but he works a lot and isn’t sure how to relate to her as a grown woman. Over the last two years, she has become more of a Dolan than a Y/L/N, my whole family accepts her with open arms, and secretly hopes one day she will actually be a Dolan. Of course, none of that will happen if Grayson stays with whatever her name is.

______________

Y/N POV

I showered, got dressed, fixed my hair and makeup and headed back out to the living room where Ethan was half asleep scrolling through twitter. He clicked his phone screen off when he noticed I had entered the room

“Damn” Ethan whispered to himself

I could feel my cheeks blush slightly

“Uh, you ready, E?”

“I’ve been ready, the question is, are you?” he replied, trying to cover for his trip up

“I’m ready! Let’s go get these beautiful ladies so I can ditch you and hang out with some real winners” I laughed as I pulled him up off the couch. 

We hopped up into Ethan’s jeep and headed towards the airport. I absolutely loved this car. He had modified it so perfectly that everything about it screamed Ethan. He turned up the radio and started bobbing his head while I pulled my sunglasses over my eyes and leaned my head back into the headrest, letting my hair blow in the wind. He looked over at me, smiled and placed his hand on my knee. This wasn’t odd for us, it was his way of letting me know he was there, but that he didn’t want to turn down his music to talk. All of which, I was okay with. I didn’t want to talk.

______________

“Y/N/N!” Cameron screamed as she ran up and threw her arms around me in the biggest hug. I laughed and looked over her shoulder to see Lisa coming along smiling at the two of us

“Hey gorgeous, what the heck! I didn’t know you ladies were coming into town! I usually have you guys on the twin’s schedules for weeks before you visit” I said looking between Cameron and Lisa with an excited confusion.

Both women looked over at Ethan, unsure of what he actually told Y/N, clearly not the truth, and went along with the story line.

“Oh well, we wanted to surprise the boys and didn’t say anything until last night to them about coming to visit… SURPRISE!” Lisa fibbed as she embraced Y/N in a hug while shooting Ethan wide eyes hoping she said the right thing. He nodded in acceptance of her answer.

We all got back into Ethan’s jeep, his mom and sister in the back as they had insisted I sit in front. I always felt wrong about making a parent sit in the back, but Lisa had insisted.

I suddenly felt a wave of dread wash over me. They would definitely want to go back to the boy’s house to drop off their things and say hi to Grayson. I, on the other hand, did not want to say hi to Grayson until at least Monday.

______________

Lisa POV

I had insisted Y/N sit up front with Ethan. She was so sweet how she always offered me the front, but I knew she needed to be next to my son more than I did right now. As we drove back to the boy’s house I watched how Ethan would smile and look at her and how she mirrored the gesture. To be honest, I would be over the moon if she dated Ethan, the chemistry between them was undeniable. I could tell from a mother’s perspective that she truly made Ethan happy, but I didn’t know if either of them actually felt that way towards each other. Ethan had always insisted it wasn’t like that and that he was pulling for Y/N to get with Grayson. I would be a lucky parent to have that girl end up with either of my sons, so if Ethan felt that way and everyone was happy, it would be okay with me. 

But that’s not why we’re here.

When Ethan called in the middle of the night I panicked. No parent likes to receive phone calls from their children at odd hours of the night. He sounded very concerned about Y/N and had mentioned that Grayson screwed up. I had kind of put the pieces together and Ethan filled in the details about Gray’s new girlfriend. My heart hurt for the poor girl. As far as I knew no words were ever exchanged from her about Grayson in that way, but we weren’t blind to it. She spent plenty of time with us both here and in New Jersey and I found myself daydreaming about the days of her and Grayson having kids running around my home and sitting together on our front porch hand in hand. She was everything he had ever said he wanted in a woman. Sometimes, we can’t see two inches in front of our face, and surely this was the situation with my son.

______________

Y/N POV

As we rounded the bend towards the gate I was all too familiar with, Ethan gently squeezed my knee. I looked over at him and he nodded in acknowledgment that he knew this would be hard for me but that he knew I could do it. And I would.

We parked in Ethan’s usual spot and everyone hopped out. I helped Lisa grab her bag as we headed towards the front door. Suddenly it opened

“E, where the hell have you been…” Grayson’s voice trailed off as he came storming out of the house and realized Ethan wasn’t alone.

“Mom? Cam? What are you guys doing here? Y/N were they on our calendars?” He looked at me happy but concerned

“Uh… I” I started but Ethan jumped in

“No, I stayed at Y/N’s last night because she wasn’t feeling well, mom texted me while I was there that it was a surprise and we just got back from picking them up” he explained, while looking at his mom and sister for back up. The three nodded in agreement.

“Okay… wait you stayed at Y/N’s?” Grayson asked looking between me and Ethan. He really had no idea what had happened last night, and here was Ethan covering my tracks. But Gray wasn’t stupid, he knew it wasn’t normal for Ethan to stay at my house even if I wasn’t feeling well. But Ethan brushed it off and changed the subject.

“Okay, let’s get inside, I want to drop off their bags so we can show them the new tiny home,” he said. Although there wasn’t much to show them except the empty shell at this point, it got the subject off of me and away from Grayson’s questions.  

The four of us walked past Grayson in the driveway as he turned to watch us. I could tell something about this situation didn’t sit right with him, but I didn’t know why. He had a girlfriend. Ethan staying at my house was no concern of his.

We walked through the door and immediately I regretted being there. I could tell she was still there because there was a woman’s bag on the side table. She spent the night

We gathered in the kitchen, deciding what to do for the evening when Grayson came back into the kitchen with her in tow.

“Hey Mom, Cam, I want you to meet someone special. This is my girlfriend Alyana” Grayson said introducing the three of them.

Someone special. The words stung my ears. I hated what this was doing to me. How the heck was I supposed to come to work every day if I couldn’t even get through 5 minutes of being here. Surely now that she’s been introduced to everyone, Grayson plans to have her around a lot more. I was going to have to handle that. 

I turned my attention to Ethan who was looking at his phone, ignoring the interaction in the room. He looked up from his phone and pulled my chair closer to his so I could see the video he was watching.

______________

Cameron POV

Surely my brother was joking. He presented this girl to us like she was some shiny surf board he won at the teen choice awards. The fake smile plastered on her face when she said hi was enough to make me puke. I saw right through her, and I knew if I saw through her so did Ethan. Grayson might be his twin but we were more on the same wavelength when it came to stuff like this. We can both spot a faker from miles away, while Grayson has the worst judge of character of anyone I know, clearly. Considering Y/N is sitting in the dining room with Ethan while this dumb ass is flaunting a girl I could replicate off of Instagram in a second.

“Hi, I’m Cameron” I tried my best to smile.

“I know! I’ve heard so much about the famous Cam” she said

“Cameron” I corrected her.

Grayson shot me a look. He knew I was being salty, but she didn’t know me. She didn’t know anything about me. Surely we were not on a nickname basis. My family and friends call me Cam, not some bimbo who’s using my brother for clout.

“Right, Cameron” she giggled her fake giggle.

I smiled roughly and turned to go sit with Ethan and Y/N. Surely whatever they were talking about would be much more fun than what was happening here.

______________

Y/N POV

Cam came and sat down next to me, smiling and placing her head on my shoulder. Did she know something I didn’t? Why did that smile seem sympathetic?

“Hey, do you guys want to go down to the beach for a little while and then grab some food?” Ethan broke the silence.

“Is that even a question? I absolutely want to go anywhere but here” I laughed while nudging him with my shoulder.

“I’m in, let me go get Mom,” Cameron said

“Can we please just go the four of us?” I asked Ethan quietly. I really didn’t know if I could handle staring at Grayson and Bimbo Barbie all night. Was I jealous of her? It was surely starting to seem that way.

Ethan nodded in agreement and quickly sent a text. At first, I didn’t know to whom until a pissed off Grayson stormed into the room.

“SO FIRST YOU SPEND THE ENTIRE NIGHT AT OUR ASSISTANTS HOUSE AND NOW YOU’RE EXCLUDING ME FROM PLANS WITH OUR FAMILY?!” Grayson shouted as Ethan stood over me in defense

Our Assistant? So now that’s how he saw me? What the fuck is happening.

“We just figured you guys might want some alone time Gray, no big deal, we’ll bring you guys back food if you want” Ethan covered for me. Again

I looked between Ethan and Grayson for a minute. Them arguing wasn’t really anything out of the norm, but I knew secretly it was because of me. Over my stupid feelings and it made me feel horrible.

“It’s okay E, I don’t have to go, you guys should go out as a family. Your mom and sister just got here, you should catch up” I tried to intervene.

“Well, all I see in this room is family” Lisa chimed in looking at me square in the eye. She was not going to let me bow out that easily. Little did I know she had come here for me, not them.

“Fine Ma, then we’ll all go,” Grayson said in a chilling tone, giving Ethan a smug look.

Great so it’ll just be me, the Dolans and Bimbo Barbie . One big happy family.

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track seven

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

*contains smut*

When Nicole died, Indiana convinced herself that someone was holding down a fast forward button on her life. Some greater power with a universal remote, carelessly keeping a finger shoved down on the little button with the double arrows, with no regard to the fleeting few days she had left with her most important person.

History seemed to be repeating itself, with the best physical representation being the very quickly evolving tiny homes.

The first thing on Grayson’s agenda when they’d made it back to NYC was to decorate the property for Halloween. It hadn’t seemed like the most sound plan to Indy, considering last time they were out in the field it was just raw building materials, a platform and lots of grass. But when she climbed off the back of the quad, away from Grayson’s warmth and into the chilly air, she was standing in front of a house, or at least the bones of one, with the beginnings of the loft and stairs formed inside. It wasn’t polished yet - in fact, there wasn’t even a front door to hang the spider wreath that he had bought at Home Depot. But there was a house, and it stood as a reminder that time was passing quickly.

Despite how over the top the Dolan’s were about it, Halloween was a blink. Ethan was still in California, spending a few more days with Eden, but they facetimed in their costumes anyways - Indy had been convinced into dressing up at the last minute, which resulted in a witch costume that consisted of black leggings and a black bodysuit, which got covered up by a spare hoodie of Grayson’s early in the evening, brought on by the ever-dropping Jersey temperatures. But they celebrated with Lisa, and with E squared across the miles with a bonfire and too many pieces of candy, and Indy realized at the end of the night that it was the first holiday she’d had with family in years. It filled a vacant room in a back hallway of her heart that she didn’t realize had been abandoned, and as soon as the calendar turned to November, she was determined.

“Thanksgiving. Me, you, Lisa, Ethan, Eden, Cam, Charlie and Devin. Thoughts, opinions?”

Grayson quirked an eyebrow from the other side of the couch, face lit by his laptop screen.

“Vegan thanksgiving?”

She nudged him in the side with her foot, getting the perfect angle from where she was laying to tickle him. “Nah, we’re gonna cook a whole meal that 25% of the participants can’t eat. Sounds like the holiday of dreams.”

He poked her with a toe. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. Might have to find an extra table at Ma’s though.”

“I can plan out a menu, make sure everyone brings something. Charlie can bring plates, for all our sakes.”

“Then Ethan can bring cups, cause god knows he doesn’t know what the fuck to do in a kitchen. And I can do the menu, you’ve got enough on your plate.”

“It’s not that bad this week,” she countered, but before she could say anything else he’d picked up her planner, looking at all the little color coordinated blocks that she’d drawn out. Grayson had never had a planner before, much less an hourly one, and it stressed him out a bit just to see how little time she didn’t have allotted to something. His finger moved over a little block in dark blue, a tiny scribble inside it - time with g :).

“You block out time for us to hang out?”

“I block out time to do just about everything but pee,” she laughed, keeping her eyes on her textbook as he continued to look through her pages.

“You haven’t peed in like… 3 hours. Drink your water.”

She stuck her tongue out but did as he asked, watching the way he found something on the page and frowned, eyebrows creasing across his forehead.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He answered it too quickly, and it was her turn to frown.

“Babe. What is it?”

“It just says, uh, ‘deposit from Kenneth’. Who’s Kenneth?”

Her breathing stopped for a moment. She hadn’t heard that name said aloud in years.

“Oh um. That’s my dad. Kenneth Cross.”

He switched from realization to guilt in an instant, flipping the planner shut. Grayson wasn’t privy to much information about Indiana’s father, but he didn’t need much to know that the relationship wasn’t great.

“Shit, Dee, sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

She closed her textbook, sitting it aside with a sigh. Sitting up, she crossed her legs on the couch, a bid to get a little closer to him.

“No, it’s okay. We probably should have talked about it by now anyways. What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you want to tell me.” He offered her his hand, knowing she liked to toy with her fingers when she talked, hoping it would help.

“Well. He wasn’t always a shit head. Actually, he used to be a pretty good dad. When Charlie and I were growing up, he was always there. He coached Charlie’s basketball team, then mine. He helped mom with dinner, we all went on vacation together. I mean, I had a good childhood, I really did. But things changed when mom got sick.”

“How long was she sick?”

“Six months. It took her fast, much faster than usual with her stage and her type. I thought my dad would step up, but he didn’t. He shut down. And I get that, it was hard, but we needed him and he just… wasn’t there. Charlie had to take her to appointments because I couldn’t drive yet. He stayed at home and worked, and drank, and then drank some more and called it work. He never talked about mom, never even admitted to himself she was sick I don’t think. So Charlie and I did our best, and we stayed with her as much as we could, especially towards the end. I’d ride the subway out of the city to get to school cause I slept at the hospital most nights. And I guess Charlie and I didn’t realize, but he was working on selling the house while we were doing all that, before she was even fucking gone. So, when she did go, all of a sudden she was gone, and my house was gone, and Charlie was going to school, so it was just me and him.

“We moved into a smaller house. He didn’t talk to me. He was a shell without my mom. And I thought it would get better but it didn’t. So, I taught myself how to be okay without him, and without my mom… without anyone. I think he realized it too, and some part of him felt bad. But he knew he couldn’t fix it. So, the summer before college, he said he’d pay for wherever I wanted to live for school. I couldn’t swing rent on a Jet’s salary, and I wanted to get out of his house, so I agreed. I moved in here freshman year, and we haven’t seen each other since. Haven’t even talked on the phone really. He deposits rent in my account each month, and as soon as I can get enough money to not have him do that, I’m going to tell him to stop. I don’t want him to think I need him, for anything.”

Indy looked up for the first time since her story started, and she sucked in a breath at the sight of Grayson’s watery eyes. He blinked it away and cleared his throat, but the way he opened his arms up told a different story.

“I don’t like hating him. But I don’t know how to forgive him either.”

“C’mere,” he mumbled, waiting for her to readjust and climb on top of him. His arms wrapped around her tightly, like he wanted to press her into him and make her a part of him.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that with your mom like that, I can’t imagine.”

Indy lifted her head and looked at him with sad eyes.

“Yes you can.”

The knot in his throat grew, and he kissed her head when she relaxed against him again. He let the silence settle for a few minutes, tracing a heart against her back and pressing his lips into her hair over and over.

“I had my mom though. She helped us through the entire thing. And I had Ethan, and Cam. And I know you had Charlie, but thinking about you having to do that without a parent.” He shook his head. “I hate it. Not to mention the rest of the bullshit he’s probably put you through that you’re too nice to tell me about.”

It was her turn to get teary.  

“Well, I’m okay now. I made it, and so did you.”

He ran a thumb over her cheek with a soft smile.

“Wish you didn’t have to make it through it at all.”

“The feeling is mutual.”

Grayson shifted then, rolled them over to the side so Indy was between him and the back of the couch, coiling his arms around her tightly, shifting her up enough for him to kiss her. He let his hand roam down her back, over her ass, grabbing and moving until her leg slotted above his.

“I love you,” he said, hoping she knew just how much. She moved her hand from his cheek, let her arm wrap around him, trapping him closer to her.

“Love you more.”

He shook his head at her, making her laugh against his skin.

“You don’t have a nap written in your schedule, am I gonna screw it all up?”

“I can shift things. I’m flexible.”

He laughed again, a beautiful sound that bounced off the walls of the apartment and filled the space. Indy kept her leg wrapped around him, holding him close and finding his lips with hers again, breathing him in - her favorite distraction.

“Flexible hm? How flexible?” His voice had dropped slightly, throat gruff.

She knew they weren’t going to sleep, so she gave in, dipping down to kiss along his neck, taking charge a bit more than usual.

“You know, I think we might be the only couple who can switch from parental trauma to horny within 60 seconds,” she mused, smiling at the rumbling laugh it got out of him.

“Maybe we’re just built different.”

“Hate that,” Indy mumbled, moving back up to kiss him again. He wasted no time in coaxing her shirt off, sitting them up with her in his lap so he could do the same to his own, getting her bra off quickly after his own sweatshirt was gone. There was no better feeling than her skin against his, he was sure. Her hand landed on the middle of his chest and she hummed, smiling.

“You didn’t shave your chest hair.”

He pulled back a bit with an incredulous look. He hadn't even thought about it, but she was right. “You noticed that?”

“I notice everything about you. You’re my favorite thing to study,” she smiled, and his heart melted in his chest. The only way he knew to respond was to pull her back to him. In a bed, he would have rolled them over, climbed above her, but the couch limited him and he was at her mercy for the time being.

She didn’t seem to be in much of a rush, and between the slow roll of her hips and the kisses she pressed along a path from his jaw to his collarbone, he was very much wishing she would pick up the pace. His hands slid down to her hips, pressing her down against him in a bid for friction.

“Easy,” Indy laughed his favorite laugh, the breathy one that seemed like an afterthought. “If I’m gonna rearrange my schedule, I get to set the pace.”

“Well then, take it away,” he chuckled, but it faded into more of a groan when she nipped at his shoulder, letting her hands run down his sides. She left goosebumps in the wake of her nails, and he couldn’t help but shudder as she toyed with the waistband of his sweats for a moment, like she was playing a game. Grayson Dolan wasn’t used to being at the whim of anyone, and it was liberating in a way that had his nerves buzzing.

Indiana was perhaps enjoying herself a bit too much. Usually, she was so overwhelmed by him that she didn’t have time to really take him in. So, she soaked up the opportunity of having him displayed out for her, tracing her fingers over every plane of him - the v of his hips, the muscles over his ribs. Down his arms, back up to his shoulders, running her thumbs over his scruff as she cupped his face. When she made it back down to his abs she felt them flex under her hands, his hips bucking up just barely against hers.

“Baby.” His tone was stern, and she played into a bit, looking at him as innocently as she could.

“Hmmm?”

“You’re teasing.”

“I’m admiring.”

“Okay, then you’re cheesy and you’re teasing.”

“Guilty as charged,” she murmured, shrugging a bit.

Bad move.

His arms wrapped around her tightly, ensuring he didn’t lose his grip as he planted a foot on the floor and rose up just enough to roll them, getting her underneath him on the couch. It happened so fast that all she could do was gasp, eyes wide as she stared up at him, the blues bright with shock.

“Now, where were we.”

His cockiness was back in full swing, but he paused at the pout that came over Indy’s face.

“What?”

“I kinda liked being up there,” she said, running her hands along his arms as he held himself up above her.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna switch again?”

“Kinda.”

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal. Pants off, then we switch.”

“Deal.”

He stood up first, taking her hand and pulling her up to her feet. They shimmied out of the pants and underwear quickly, leaving them in a pile on the rug in a rush to get back to each other. The mood shifted yet again when he guided her onto his lap as he sat down, lighthearted and fun as she got herself settled. Grayson had never had lighthearted sex before he met Indiana Cross. It was always scratching an itch, even when it was with people he was in a relationship with. She seemed to unlock another side of him, one that made it so much more fun to have her above him, struggling to keep her hair out of her face and get close enough to him at the same time. He wasn’t sure how she managed to be adorable and sexy at the same time, but when she finally got herself lined up and began to sink down onto him, he didn’t have the brain power left to care.

“Shit Dee,” he groaned, using every bit of self control he had to keep his hips still, letting her set her agonizingly slow pace.

She whimpered with every inch that she moved down, finally taking all of him somehow, arching her back for a moment before she caved, leaning forward onto his chest, burying her face in his neck.

He started as slow as his body would let him, groaning as she started to grind her hips, searching out an angle that kept the pressure building. It took a moment, like it always did when they tried a new position, but when she found it Grayson knew by the way her nails dug into his shoulders. He grabbed her hips to hold her there, memorizing the way their bodies fit together so he could get right back to that same spot over and over again.

“Gray,” she whimpered into his ear, bracing her forearms on his shoulders as he chased her high for her, determined to have her shaking. All she could do was moan and hold on as he thrusted into her faster with a renewed purpose, only stopping when she clenched so hard that he could barely move.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Indy whined, every muscle in her body tightening down in defense of how overwhelmed she suddenly felt, breath catching in her throat as her orgasm ripped through her. His arms coiled around her back as if he was trying to hold her together as she shook, and he chased the last of his high, lifting her off of him at the last possible second before he came, white streaks landing on his torso. He knew it would be a mess and he didn’t care - he pressed her back to him, wrapping her up for a moment in his arms and letting the two of them come down.

“Woah. Good woah,” Indy mumbled, pressing kisses to his neck where she could reach.

“I second your good woah.”

“Good.”

“Do you have time in your flexible schedule for a shower? I got you all sticky.”

She sat up and pretended to ponder it for a moment, making a show of quirking her eyebrow just to make him laugh. “I suppose I could pencil it in. C’mon.”

She climbed off him and took his hand, leading him to her bathroom with a smile. They paused in front of the mirror for a moment, and it was the first time in a long time that Indy felt happy to be looking in one. But still, she turned around and looked up at her boyfriend - he looked better in real life than in his reflection anyways.

“You know, if you play your cards right, you might just win yourself a round two.”

That was all it took for him to pick her up so fast she squealed, carrying her behind the privacy of the shower curtain for a second taste.

-------------

Bekah’s hands were always cold, but they felt like ice cubes in Indy’s hands. She rubbed along her skin in a bid to warm her up, eyes wandering over to Grayson.

“She’s pale,” he murmured, keeping his distance as he stood at the end of the bed. The sight of her so still in her hospital bed was unsettling. He had expected their first visit back to be filled with smiles, and ‘I miss you’s’, stories of California and her recovery.

Instead, they’d walked into Bekah’s room to find her fast asleep underneath her Halloween blanket, brows furrowed in what he hoped was concern and not pain.

“Her body is probably just trying to get used to the new cells. Not making enough blood, she’s probably up for another transfusion soon.”

“How do you know?”

Indy nodded towards what Grayson had assumed was an IV pole - he supposed it was, but instead of the usual bags of clear or milky liquid, there were just empty hooks.

“An hour.”

Bekah’s voice was dry and horse, and although it was quiet, it made both of them jump.

“Hey! How’re you feeling?” Indy immediately perked up, painting that smile across her face that Grayson had started to associate with everything hospital, from the sounds to the smell of bleach.

“Tired. My next transfusion is in an hour.”

“Did the doctor say anything about your counts?”

Bekah looked at her and rolled her eyes, wincing as she tried to sit up in bed. Indy reached to help her but she held a hand up.

“I have a transfusion in an hour, you tell me what my counts are,” she muttered, sitting up for a moment before she let out a sigh and put her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay Beks,” Grayson said.

“No, it’s not. You all came to see me and I’m being an asshole.”

“No one is nice when they don’t feel good,” Gray offered, moving to the other side of the bed and resting a hand on her shoulder. It was a simple gesture, a small attempt at consoling, but it was too much for Bekah. The sniffles turned into broken sobs that shook her entire body so hard it looked like she would come apart.

“I’m just tired of this. I’m tired.”

There wasn’t an adequate response to give, so the room filled with silence apart from her sobs as they did their best to hold her together, wrapping their arms around her, around each other. Indy’s eyes were red by the time Bekah’s cries quieted, and Grayson scrambled to come up with something, anything, to lighten the mood.

“Well, if we have an hour, that means we have time for an episode of something. Didn’t you say you were watching Vampire Diaries while we were gone?”

Bekah nodded, laying back against the pillows.

“Then let’s watch one and just chill. Save your energy.”

He set it up quickly, turning off the lights and pulling his chair over to the side of her bed as it started to play. When he looked over, there was just enough light to see that Bekah had reached for Indy’s hand. And to his surprise, she reached for his too. He took it, trying to ignore the way his throat tightened at the feeling of her squeezing weakly - a silent thank you as the episode began to play.

-------------

The first two weeks of November passed with unrelenting speed. Indiana buried herself in her school work, carving out what she could for quality time for Grayson, even if it was just going out to Jersey with him for a movie night that ended with her asleep on his lap before the opening scene was done. He didn’t mind - he just liked having her around, watching her get closer with Ethan and his mom, knowing she was safe because she was there with him. It was hard to help someone who was so determined on being independent, but he did what he could and she did the same, spending what little time she had encouraging him and supporting him.

Grayson had his own work to focus on, and it filled the time nicely as they worked to get their brands up and running through the holidays, plus the task of finalizing the plans for the details of the tiny homes. Somehow, it was already the week of Thanksgiving before he stopped to take a breath, which he found in the backyard with his brother the day before the holiday.

“Listen. I can make rolls. I can’t fuck that up.”

“Ethan, you could fuck anything up, including rolls. Just get cups. And things to put in the cups.”

“Fuck you,” Ethan grumbled, tossing the football a bit harder than necessary across the back lot. Grayson wished he’d put on gloves, but

“When is evil coming in?”

“She lands tonight, gotta go pick her up at 10:30. Is Indy staying out here tonight too?”

“No, I’m staying at her place, her sister and her boyfriend fly in tomorrow morning so we gotta pick them up. You’re picking up Cam tonight too right?”

“Yeah. Damn, I feel like dad,” Ethan laughed, a puff of white in the cold air.

Grayson waited for him to elaborate, throwing the ball back.

“He was always the chauffeur. I mean jesus, how many times do you think he picked us up from the airport when we came home?”

“True, he fucking hated that drive too. Complained about it the whole time, every time.”

“Like you don’t hate driving into the city.”

Grayson quirked an eyebrow at him, tossing the ball a bit harder, trying to put a different spin on it.

“Okay, fine, used to hate it. Now you just like it cause you get laid at the end of it.”

“True,” Gray grinned. “That makes me sound like a douchebag though.”

“You are a douchebag.”

“We’re identical twins, so if I’m a douchebag you’re a douchebag by association,” Grayson said.

“True. You aren’t a douchebag when you’re around Indiana, I’ll give you that.”

“Yeah, she wouldn’t put up with that shit.”

“You are a simp though.”

“Says you.”

“I never said I wasn’t.” Ethan shrugged, offering up a smile as he threw. “Eden really likes her by the way. Says they’d be great sister-in-laws in the future. I told her to chill with that shit though.”

Grayson missed the ball, not even bothering to watch it bounce away on the ground.

“Why?”

“Well, you said you were never going to ask her to leave, or move or whatever. And you live in LA, we live in LA, so... I mean, being here this long is just because of the tiny houses. And I know you, you can’t do long distance bro, you’re too physical.”

“Oh fuck you, I can survive without getting my dick wet if it means being with somebody I love.”

“That’s not what I fucking meant, I mean you’re touchy, and you need to be close to the people you love. Like physically close, as in in the same room, in the same house at least. That’s why I haven’t said shit about you being at her place every night of the week. I get it Gray, it’s how you are. But that shit won’t work when you’re on the other side of the country, and I know you aren’t going to ask her to fly out there to see you after how bad those flights were for her. And I love you, and I’m gonna support you, but you can’t fly home every weekend either. We have businesses, we have shit to do. Work.”

“I know that, I’m not stupid.”

“And it makes me feel like a shit brother but you always tell me that I’m supposed to keep you on track, so if that means being the bad guy then that means being the bad guy.”

“E I know.”

“I’m not saying you have to like break up with her or anything but, I just, I think it’s gonna be hard. Like really really hard.”

“Ethan. I know.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt, that’s all.”

“Yeah. I get it. But can you just drop it for two fucking seconds? It’s almost Thanksgiving, let’s just focus on that. Besides, you’re the one who said to wait to cross the bridge when we come to it,” Grayson huffed.

“It’s the last week of November almost. Hate to break it to you, but the bridge is right in front of you.”

The thought made his stomach drop.

“Let’s go inside. S’cold.”

--------------

It felt unnatural to have her sister in the back seat, but that’s where Charlie climbed in after Grayson had helped them load their minimal luggage into the back of the car and made his introductions. They’d borrowed Lisa’s SUV for Devin’s sake, knowing that his long legs would be cramped in the backseat of anything, especially the truck.

“How was your flight?” Indy turned almost fully in her seat, trying to soak in every minute she had with her sister - they had to fly out bright and early the next morning.

“Bumpy,” Charlie laughed, picking at her nails in her lap. Indy frowned when she noticed - it was her nervous tick.

“Devin I have no idea how you fit in coach bro, I barely fit and I’m tiny compared to you,” Grayson chimed in, checking over his shoulder as he pulled out of the pick up lane.

“It’s a struggle my man, it’s a struggle. But I don’t think anyone in their right mind would look at you and call you tiny. You’ve got me beat in every department but leg length.”

“Hey, if you’re actually serious about growing muscle I can throw together a workout for you while you’re here.”

“For real? That would be sick bro, I could really use the help.”

Indy held back her laugh at how they both slipped into bro mode so quickly, and Charlie seemed to be on the same page as she snickered. Eventually conversation gave way to music, Indy proud of herself for finding a perfect 2000’s throwback playlist that had everyone singing and bouncing around in their seats. By the time they made it to the house, they were all a bit breathless and full of nostalgia.

When they climbed out onto the gravel, Charlie stuck close to her sister.

“Lisa is mom. And Ethan is the twin, Eden is the sister, Cameron is the girlfriend?”

“Cameron is sister, Eden is girlfriend,” Indy laughed. “Thank god you asked.”

Charlie gave a bit of a chuckle, and Indy nudged her.

“They’re good people Char. Don’t worry, they’ll love you.”

“I just… haven’t done this in a while.”

She wrapped her arm around her older sister’s shoulders as they approached the house, squeezing her lightly.

“I know sis. I know.”

Inside, Eden was trying to be subtle as she peeked through the blinds on the windows, watching the whole crew approach.

“They’re here! Come to the door, they’re here!”

“Babe, that’s creepy. Just come sit down,” Ethan laughed, waiting for Cameron to make her next move in chess.

“It’s not creepy, it’s friendly,” she countered, but she stood back from the door at the last moment to try to make it less intimidating.

“Hey guys!” Grayson’s voice boomed loud through the house as soon as he opened the door, his excitement obvious. Cam and Ethan abandoned their chess game for a moment, and Lisa came from the kitchen with a warm smile.

Indiana officially met Cameron for the first time, happy that she went in for the hug. Lisa hugged everyone, making everyone laugh when she looked up at Devin and said “my god you’re tall.”

Once everyone had met everyone, Lisa clapped her hands.

“Alright, let’s get to work!”

The Dolan’s did things in stations it seemed, which pleased Indy’s organizational side that usually went a bit crazy around the holidays. Lisa was nice enough to assign each couple a dish to work on, which of course became a competition, like everything seemed to. Indy wasn’t sure how they were going to truly compare E squared’s vegan stuffing to Charlie and Devin’s vegan mac and cheese, but she didn’t care.

Because Grayson was beaming beside her as they worked on peeling potatoes over the trash can, and everywhere she looked she saw smiles. Devin was swaying his hips to the music while Charlie tried to copy him, just a blip behind the beat. Ethan and Eden raced to see who could chop vegetables quicker until Lisa told them to slow down so someone didn’t end up needing stitches.

LIsa was the master of the operation, working on three different things at once, waving off Indy’s offer of help.

“I used to feed all three of them and their dad. Cooking for an army is second nature,” she teased, but that familiar tone was in her voice that tugged at Indy’s heart. Ethan eventually connected to the speakers and shuffled a playlist filled with everything, from Elton John to Cudi. Grayson got vegan butter on his shirt at one point while dancing too hard, and when Indy laughed he swiped it off with a finger and smeared it on her nose. The kitchen got so hot they cracked a window, with the revolving door of the oven trying to handle all the dishes and all the bodies close together.

By 2pm, everyone took turns carrying everything into the dining room to the massive which Cameron had decorated. Everyone took their places at the table, with LIsa at the head, Grayson and Ethan beside her with the girls beside them, and Charlie beside Indy, Devin beside Eden, who had seemed to hit it off with him in their short few hours of knowing each other, and Cam at the other head.

“Before we start, I think we should all go around and share something that we’re thankful for,” Lisa proposed. “I’ll start. I’m very thankful for my health, and for my family. For my wonderful daughter, and my amazing boys, and my husband, who I love and who watches over us every day.”

She could only speak for herself, but it was a safe bet that everyone’s throats tightened. Ethan cleared his before he spoke.

“I’m thankful for my family, for the quality time we get to spend together. For my brother’s ability to deal with my ass and his help in chasing our dreams and making that shit happen. And for Eden, because… well just because.”

Eden laid her head against his shoulder for a moment before she spoke up.

“I’m thankful for my dream job, and getting to do something I love every day. I’m thankful for Ethan, for loving me and keeping me sane. And I’m thankful for all of you, especially you Lisa, for welcoming me into the family.”

“I’m thankful to be here, to meet new people and get to eat some awesome food. Thank you, for inviting us in and sharing your holiday with us,” Devin said, polite as ever.

“I’m thankful for the wine,” Cam grinned, sipping from her glass quickly just to get an eye roll out of her mom. “And for all of you, and good food, and for family. Charlie?”

Charlie threw Indy a nervous glance before she spoke.

“I’m thankful for my sister, and my boyfriend, who always keep me together and on track, and who make me laugh. And I’m thankful for new friends, and good food.”

Indy had been so intent on listening to everyone else that she hadn’t even thought of her own response.

“I’m thankful for my sister, and for all of you guys, who have been so kind to me. I’m thankful for this guy,” she bumped Grayson’s shoulder. “For loving me, and supporting me in everything I do. And, I’m thankful for the years I had with my mom. I wish she could be here today, but I know she’s up there watching, and she’s thankful that I have you guys.”

She ignored the way her eyes stung, turning to Grayson, who squeezed her thigh under the table.

“I’m thankful for my family, and for the way that dad guided us to be who we are today - all of us Dolan’s. And I’m thankful for Indy for showing me what strength and determination looks like. And for everyone here, because we’re all family. I love you guys.”

The weight of his words hung in the air for a moment as everyone soaked them in.

“Alright, dig in!” Lisa broke the silence, reaching for the rolls.

Grayson squeezed Indy’s thigh once, tracing a little heart with his index finger when she leaned over to kiss his cheek before turning back to the table. They all ate until their plates were clear, almost all of them heading back in for seconds. The final verdict was that the vegan mac and cheese was the winner of the side dish competition, much to the pride of Devin. The evening settled into various activities, from Grayson teaching Devin proper pull up form to Charlie letting Eden take test shots on her camera. Indy mostly watched from the sidelines, happy to see all the people she loved all together in one place.

Her family.

“Thank you for this.” Lisa’s voice startled her a bit, but she relaxed when the older woman moved to stand beside her.

“I should be thanking you!”

“No. We didn’t do Thanksgiving last year. Everything was still too… raw, I suppose. Everyone is here because you asked them to be. So, thank you, truly.”

The tears that Indy had been fighting all day finally found their place on her cheeks, and she sniffled through a laugh when Lisa hugged her.

“Well, thanks for sharing your family.”

“It’s not sharing if you’re a part of it my dear.”

She pulled her close for a hug before the two of them folded themselves into the mix, running around in the cold air of the backyard and enjoying each other’s company as the night drew to a close. They opted for pie and vegan ice cream to finish off the night, and Charlie insisted they take some pictures before the food comas took over. She’d thought ahead enough to bring a tripod, and she sat it up in the living room, making sure every couple got a few that they liked, and that they all got one together. Lisa requested one of just her kids where they of course all goofed off enough to annoy her. Charlie would send them all in the next few days, Indy’s favorite being the one of her on Grayson’s back, wrapped around to kiss his cheek while he grinned with his eyes squeezed shut. It became her lock screen as soon as she saved it, and Lisa went on to get the family one framed, as well as the one of all of them together too, both beside each other on the mantel held with equal importance.

---------------------------------

The Thanksgiving leftovers only lasted two days in Indy’s fridge. With the stress of preparing for four cumulative finals, she didn’t have time to cook anything, and the microwaveable vegan leftovers were a god send. So was Grayson, who stayed by her side each day as she studied, quietly keeping himself busy with work until she needed him. It was a nice co-existence, both of them understanding the need for quiet but enjoying each other’s presence nonetheless. By Wednesday, she was only left with one last final, though it was her hardest, and she couldn’t convince herself that she’d prepared enough despite pulling multiple all nighters. He quizzed her when she asked, even though he butchered half the pronunciations. His commentary was the comedic relief she needed to get through it though, and she was more than grateful that he was there.

“Last set, and then you need to take a break.”

“But-”

“No buts. Unless you’re talking gluteus maximus.” He grinned when she rolled her eyes. “Baby you’ve been going non stop for 4 hours now.”

“Okay fine, hit me with it.”

“Soleus.” She pointed to the side of his calf. “Extensor carpi ulnaris.” The outer side of his forearm. “Zygomaticus major.” His cheek. “Iliopsoas.” The inside of his thigh.

“Dee, you know these. You literally don’t even have to think about it, you know them.”

She shook her head before he even finished his sentence. “I need more practice.”

“The only thing you need more of is sleep,” he countered. “C’mon, we’re both exhausted, let’s just take a nap.”

“Once we finish the set, then we can.”

“Fine. Serratus anterior.”

She tickled his ribs, making him squirm away from her.

“Biceps femoris.” She heaved his leg up from where it was resting on the couch, pointing to a spot in the middle of the back of his thigh.

“Teres major.” It was a reach, but she made it around to the back of his armpit.

“Teres minor.” She poked the same spot, just a bit harder.

“Okay, ouch, don’t abuse my teres. Uh, gastrocnemius.” She was gentler on his calf.

They went through the rest of the stack like that, with Grayson doing his best to say them correctly while Indy poked and prodded.  

As soon as he flipped the last card he yawned, sitting the stack aside and leaning forward to grab her, dragging her on top of him and nuzzling his nose into her hair. Indy sighed and relaxed into him, his warmth and the weight of his arms settling her body down. She could remember the days where she’d always wanted something as simple as this, just laying on her couch with someone to hold, and she tried to soak it in.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you more,” Grayson countered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. His hands moved under her shirt over her back, finding space.

R-E-L-A-X

“Can’t. My mind won’t stop.”

“Well, I’d offer to sing to you or some shit, but your ears would probably bleed,” he chuckled.

“S’okay. I’ll just dream about muscles or something. Innervations.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Oh yeah, riveting stuff.”

She wiggled around to get comfortable, her cheek squished against his chest as he rubbed her back.

“Sleep, have your little anatomy dreams,” he teased, reaching over the back of the couch for a blanket to drape over the two of them.

It took a little while, but she managed to drift off to the soothing sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his fingers against her skin.

And she dreamed.

Indiana was in a hallway. White, smooth walls with doorways that stood black and brooding on either side. Her stomach turned a bit, unease washing through her veins as she took a few small steps forward, moving to peek past one of the frames.

“Don’t sweetheart.”

Her head shot up. At the end of the hall was Nicole. She looked young, even younger than Indy’s last memories of her. Youthful, and full of life, her blonde hair familiar as it hung down and framed her face.

“Mom.”

“Hi my love.”

Indiana ran. She barreled past the doors, not even giving them a second thought as she finally, finally landed in her mother’s arms. The tears were inevitable, but she didn’t care that she shook as Nicole held her, the way only a mom could. Held her body, but held her soul.

“Where have you been? Where’d you go?”

“I’ve been here the whole time. Right here with you.”

“I miss you. I miss you so much.”

“I know. But I’m here.”

She pulled back, letting her mom brush her hair behind her ear the way she always used to when it fell into her eyes.

“Look at you. You’re all grown up. Look at those beautiful eyes. So blue.”

“Just like yours,” Indy said.

“Just like mine.”

A part of her knew that she was dreaming. She knew her mother was gone, that this wasn’t real. But her heart refused to accept it, because she could feel her mother’s skin, hear her voice, feel her like she hadn’t been able to in so long. So she just stared. Tried to memorize every part of her face, every smile line, every freckle. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, but Nicole was the one to break the silence.

“Baby. I need you to be careful.”

Indy frowned. “Careful?”

“With your heart. I need you to be careful with your heart, with my heart.”

“Momma what do you mean?”

Nicole looked to the left. Indy followed her gaze, surprised to see that the light was on in the doorway.

The doorway to Bekah’s room.

“Beks,” she breathed. Her feet automatically moved, taking her into the room until Nicole’s arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her back.

“Indiana,” Nicole cautioned. “No.”

“No, no Mom it’s okay, she’s getting better, see? Look, she’s fine.”

She pushed forward, but Nicole’s grip only tightened.

“No baby. Look.”

Indy listened. And she watched. Watched Bekah try to sit up in her bed. She was probably calling for Jessica, or Emily, or maybe even Indy. Her mouth opened, and no sound came out, her eyes going wide for a moment before she fell back against the pillows, chest rising too fast, too shallow. Indy knew what that meant.

“No. NO! Beks! Bekah!”

“Shhhhh baby, there’s nothing you can do, Indiana stop, there’s nothing you can do.”

“BEKAH!” She cried anyways, fighting her mother’s grip as she watched the monitors light up, heard their mocking monotone calls as they alarmed. Nurses appeared, and Indy watched them do all the right things, give all the right medicine.

She didn’t wake up.

“No, no no no no,” Indy wailed, thrashing in her mother’s arms.

“Indiana. Indiana. Dee!”

She was back in her living room, and Grayson was scared.

“Wha-” she looked around, bewildered. She was sitting up, which disoriented her a bit, though she was with it enough to realize she was still in Grayson’s lap.

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe,” Grayson said, eyes still wide. He pushed her hair back out of her face as she looked down, only then realizing that she’d balled up his shirt in her hands. She let go, looking at the disheveled fabric, which was also splotched with dark spots.

“I’m- sorry, I don’t… I uh… I had a nightmare. Sorry.”

“It’s okay baby,” Grayson murmured. “You okay?”

Those two words brought on a whole other wave of tears, and she crumpled into him, shaking her head as she cried.

It took him by surprise for a moment - he knew she didn’t like to cry, and he’d never really seen her so upset. So he took a moment to process, and then he lifted her arms up over his shoulders, coiling his own around her and squeezing her to him as tight as he could without crushing her. He didn’t speak. He just held her, let her get it out of her system, whatever it was.

When her sobs turned to sniffles and his shirt was fully soaked through on the shoulder, he spoke up.

“What do you need? What can I do?”

She pulled back from him, frame seeming even smaller somehow as she sat there.

“Can you go check on Bekah? I know it’s Wednesday, and I know we’re going to tomorrow but… you don’t have to, I just, I know she’s alone up there, but I have so much work to do, and-”

“I can go. I’ll go,” he said. The pieces fell together in his brain, and he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Thank you,” she exhaled, shoulders slumping back down.

“Are you gonna be okay here by yourself while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, I need to study anyways, I’ll keep myself busy. Just need to know she’s okay.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure she’s good, might hang out for a bit and watch something if she’s up for it.”

“That sounds amazing. Thank you.”

He didn’t like the idea of leaving her there, but he could tell she wouldn’t have any peace of mind until she knew that Bekah was okay. It reminded him off all the times he’d called his mother in the middle of the night in those last few months before he’d officially come home, just to make sure his dad was still there.

“If you need me, call me okay? I’ll turn back around.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. I love you,” she said, kissing him quickly.

“I love you more.”

He shifted her off him onto the couch and got up, putting his shoes and coat on quickly before he could convince himself to stay. It was already dark outside despite it only being 6pm, and he kept his head down on the streets on his way to the hospital, mind racing until he got up to the unit and signed in.

He half expected Bekah to be lying still in her bed, on her back with all her machines on. Or, at least for her to be drained and tired like she had been the last few times they saw her. But when he cleared the doorway she was sitting up in bed on her phone, random Tik Tok audio’s playing. She looked up at him and smiled her brightest smile.

“Earrings! It’s a Wednesday, the fuck are you doing here?!”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“You get an extra dose of me this week, deal with it,” he teased, unzipping his coat and laying it over one of the chairs.

“Where’s Indy?”

“Studying for finals. It’s a me you date tonight, you pick. What’re we doing?”

“Well, I restarted Vampire Diaries.”

“Restarted? Bro, you were on season 7 yesterday!”

“Yeah so? The best seasons are the first two, we’ve been over this.”

“Whatever, scootch over.”

She did as he asked, though he had to put the bedrails down to even fit halfway on the mattress.

“Here, get in here so we can send some motivation to Dee,” he said, pulling out his phone and opening snapchat. They moved so just their noses-up were on screen, making Bekah laugh as he sent it off.

She screenshotted it and sent back a heart, which put his mind at ease enough to relax and attempt to enjoy an episode, though he wasn’t really following the plot considering they were almost halfway through the first season.

“So, what’s happening exactly?” He finally asked 20 minutes into the episode.

“Stefan is trying to be all ‘you deserve better than me’, and Damon just doesn’t give a shit. Essentially, Stefan doesn’t want to hurt Elena so he wants her to make the decision to break it off so he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy.”

“But if he loves her, then why does he want to break it off at all?”

“Well cause he’s bad for her. She would have to give up so much for him. She’s having to lie to her friends, hide all this stuff for him. Change her whole life really. But she wants to, because she loves him, he just doesn’t think it’s fair to ask that of her. But like… he’s still asking her to do it just by being with her, you know?”

He knew.

“I mean, and he’s a fucking vampire. Yah know, suck suck and all that jazz,” Bekah laughed. “If the rest isn’t a deal breaker, then that definitely is. I mean, yeah, Damon’s a vampire too but at least he just accepts it, and he doesn’t ask her to change or anything.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I’m Team Damon, if you couldn’t tell,” she tried again.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Grayson tried to shake himself out of his thoughts, but it was proving difficult. Luckily, Bekah just mistook it as him being super invested in the show, which made her happy. Jessica let him stay an extra fifteen minutes, and he took a quick video of Bekah wishing Indy luck on her last final before he left and headed out.

The walk home was worse. It was darker somehow, colder as his mind raced with realization after realization. He did his best to do the math in his head. It was December 3rd, which meant 30 days until he was supposed to go back to LA. All the way to the other side of the country, only coming back to Jersey every few months if he was able to. Ethan’s voice rang in his head as he trudged through the lobby and into the elevator.

That shit won’t work when you’re on the other side of the country.

He tried to breathe it off, put on a positive face before he opened Indy’s apartment door, smiling when he saw her on the couch, pencil tucked behind her ear as she looked over diagrams.

“Hi! How was it?”

“It was good, she’s good. Looks great actually.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket once, then again, and he pulled it out to check it.

A notification of a payment from the joint bank account, and then a text from E.

Booked the flights for the 2nd. Hope that’s cool.

“Everything okay?” Indy asked.

He put his phone back in his pocket and smiled.

“Yeah. Everything is fine.”

[cashmereminter]

Last Minute- Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

It was a last-minute decision that made Ethan want to fly home with you for the holidays. After a quick deliberation between the two of you, it was decided then and there that he would go home and meet your family for Thanksgiving and then you would go and meet his mom for Christmas. 

Thanksgiving wasn't a major holiday to Ethan since he was born in the UK, however, your family always went all out. The whole family always joined at your grandparents' house which meant it would be Ethan's first time meeting not only your mom, but your aunts, uncles, cousins, and even your favorite little human, your nephew Joey. You had been gushing to Ethan for weeks about how excited you were for him to finally meet your little bean, which he somewhat teased you about, but at the same time, he loved the look on your face when you spoke about the toddler.  

The two of you had flown to the states only two days prior just so the two of you could fix up your sleep schedule before the big day. You stood in the bathroom of your shared hotel room trying to fix the makeup you had put on whilst Ethan was getting around in the bedroom attached. 

"You reckon this will be alright?" Your boyfriend of just under a year said from the doorway. You turned to look and giggled at the sight.

"It's not a fancy dinner occasion Eth." You said, looking up and down at his white button-down top and dress slacks. Ethan groaned and started to unbutton the shirt. You followed him out of the bathroom and walked to his suitcase, pulling out a few things he could wear that would be perfectly fine and forced him to change into it. After assuring him that your mom and dad wouldn't care that he was in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans for the hundredth time, the two of you were finally able to leave.

The drive back to your parents' home wasn't all that far from where you stayed the first night, however, the two of you had decided that it would be best if you just stayed at your parent's house for the rest of your stay. Not only would it save you both a bit of money, but you hadn't seen your mom in quite a while seeing as you were living in England. To say you were excited would be an understatement. Ethan swore you had warned him about every little quirk your family came with. Including the fact that your dad always wore the silliest shirts on holidays and how your nephew refused to wear pants after dinner because, in his words, 'they just don't fit anymore mama.' It made Ethan happy to see you so excited about something. He could tell you were feeling a bit homesick lately, especially growing closer to the holiday season. He almost jumped at the opportunity to send you home, as mean as that sounds. But he could tell that you needed time home with our family rather than your group of friends, bless them all.

Finishing up the drive and pulling into the driveway of your parents’ house, you quickly got out. Your mom was already waiting on the front porch, squealing at the sight of her youngest daughter. You quickly rushed up the steps and into her arms, being pulled into one of the tightest hugs you had ever felt. After she finished squeezing you, you pulled away from her and smiled, looking back to see Ethan making his way up the stairs. 

“Mom, this is Ethan. Ethan, this is my mom.” You said happily, allowing the two to meet in the middle. Other than taking Ethan’s outstretched hand, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into the same gut squeezing hug.

“It’s so good to finally meet you.” Your mom said pulling away finally to take a good look at him. “Oh y/n, he is cute.” Your mom said, making you giggle and smack her arm softly. Ethan smiled at her shook his head. 

“And it’s obvious where y/n gets her beaut from.” He replied smiling at your mother and throwing a quick wink in your direction.   

“Okay, that’s enough you two, let’s go in and eat, I’m starving.” You mentioned. You walked inside and greeted everyone else, quickly introducing them to Ethan. It wasn’t long before everyone was back to normal conversation, asking how things were going for the two of you and how England was. And then dinner was served. Your mother made sure everyone was well-fed and Ethan had to try everything she had made of course, since it wasn’t certain when he would be seeing her again. 

After dinner, it was finally time for the ‘kids’ to go outside. This means that Ethan, yourself, and your nephew were to go out whilst your sister, her new husband, and your parents talked about the new marriage and how little Ashton was doing. You showed Ethan out to the backyard, the swinging four-year-old close behind you. 

“Bub, why don’t you show Ethan how you play with the soccer ball. Maybe he can show you some cool tricks.” You encouraged your nephew, who until this moment, was stuck behind your legs to try and avoid your boyfriend. Ashton looked up at you with big brown eyes, as if he were thinking about your suggestion. 

“Okay, aunty.” He said, running out to get his ball from the toy box outback. You looked over at Ethan and smiled, grabbing his hand. 

“He’s just nervous around new people, he’ll warm up before you know it and then you won’t be able to get rid of him,” you said, a big smile on your face. There was nothing cuter than your favorite little human being friendly with your favorite big human. Ashton ran back over, this time with a ball in his hand and ran right up to Ethan. 

“Want to play?” He asked Ethan. Your boyfriend looked at your first, and then at the little boy before nodding and walking off with him. You could hear him giving a few tips and tricks and telling the four-year-old how great he was doing. It really warmed your heart.

Ethan and yourself hadn’t really started to talk about children, seeing as it had only been about a year, but the sight made your baby fever kick in. And when you were both laying in bed later that night you couldn’t help but bring up the topic. Neither of you was anywhere near ready for children, but in the future, you knew you both would be great parents. 

[grayswhore]

Prego Prank

Grayson Dolan X Reader

Summary: Grayson is ready to go all out and get Ethan back for spray painting his car for a prank, but he can't think of a big enough prank, that's when you suggest the idea of faking a pregnancy.

Warnings: Mentions of vomit.

"I can't believe he did that shit Y/N. It's been two weeks and I'm still not over it." You laid on Grayson's bed, his head in your lap as you ran your fingers through his hair, trying your best to keep him calm. "At least he had an appointment scheduled right after to get it fixed." You chimed. Grayson shook his head in your lap. "Yeah, after he made me drive through Hollywood just to get there with all that shit on the hood of my car. I swear I gotta get him back, but what the fuck should I do. Everything I think of doesn't seem to be good enough." You sat there in silence as you both thought to yourselves. You mulled it over for a bit until an idea popped in your head. "Ooh, what if... you know what, nevermind." Grayson looks up at you, his head still lying between your thighs. "What? I wanna hear it." You shook your head. "This might be a bit extreme but what if we tricked him into thinking you got me knocked up... That's too much right?" Grayson's eyes lit up and he lifted up from your lap, excitement filling his features. "No, That's it! That's perfect!" Grayson looked at his cracked open bedroom door before getting off of the bed to shut it close and lock it. Ethan was home and he couldn't risk him overhearing you guys.  He paced the room, his mind racing. "Okay, we have to get everything in order to pull this off, what are we gonna need?" You moved to the edge of the bed, a huge wave of thrill ran through you as you realized what you guys were about to do. "We're gonna need a fake positive pregnancy test and some fake ultrasounds. We can probably order both on Amazon or something like that." Grayson pulled out his MacBook Pro and immediately began his search, he joined you at the side of his bed. "Wow, they really do have it on Amazon, what the fuck. This should probably be illegal." He added the fake pregnancy test to his cart before searching for the fake ultrasounds. "Okay, they have a range of different ultrasounds depending on how far along you are in the pregnancy. How many months do you wanna be?" You thought about it for a few seconds. "Well it has to be believable, obviously I don't have a belly so I have to be in the stages where I'm still not showing, probably between a month or two." "Oh babe look," Grayson said. "They even have an ultrasound for twins! Should we go big, this would take the prank to an even bigger level, he's gonna flip the fuck out." You agreed. This definitely took the prank up a notch. This prank was gonna be epic. "Let's do this." You said. He nodded, adding the right ultrasound into his cart. He rubbed his hands together menacingly and feigned and evil laugh before ordering and paying for the items. "Ethan Dolan, prepare to get pranked bitch!"

The items were set to arrive in three days. And throughout those three days, you and Grayson put on your best acting skills whenever Ethan was around. Gray set hidden cameras up over the house in preparation for the prank. Grayson made sure to be overly nice to you, fluffing the pillows on the couch before you sat, fetching you everything you needed without any hesitation. Pampering you so much that you could tell by the look on Ethan's face that he had noticed the weird behavior going on. "Grayson why the fuck are you being so extra?" Ethan asked. "I mean I get that's your girlfriend but isn't this a bit excessive? You've never done all this before. Is something going on?" You and Grayson looked at each other, a knowing look on your face. Ethan was falling right into your trap. He was starting to get suspicious, which is exactly what you wanted to happen. It was almost too easy, but you and Grayson didn't stop there.

You were over the twins house for a movie night Grayson had suggested, little did Ethan know you guys had something else planned. It was the last day before the props would be delivered and you guys would prank Ethan but you guys had one more trick up your sleeve. In the middle of the movie you were watching you decided to head to the bathroom, a plan in motion. Yesterday Grayson texted you telling you he brought fake vomit. He kept it hidden in the cabinet at the bottom of the sink with all the toiletries and cleaning supplies knowing Ethan wouldn't find it. Once you were in the bathroom you locked the door. Grayson also kept a hidden camera in here too. You made sure it was on and recording.  Before you went straight under the sink and grabbed the bottle of store brought throw up. You lifted up the toilet seat and unscrewed the cap, pouring some of the greenish substance into the toilet. You had to fight back actual vomit as you saw the chunks plop in the toilet, and the smell of this stuff... well let's just say this was the most realistic fake vomit you've ever seen. "It's go time." You said to the camera before you started making fake vomit noises, making sure you were loud enough that the boys could hear it. Within seconds Ethan and Grayson were knocking on the door. "Y/N is everything alright. Are you throwing up?" Ethan shouted through the locked door. "Yeah I- I'm-" You started making more gagging noises, pouring a little more of the vomit in the toilet for Ethan to hear, you let it splatter a bit, making it sound as real as possible. "Babe, let me in, let me help you." Grayson said, fake concern in his voice. "O-okay." You said weakly, quickly screwing the cap back on the bottle of vomit and placing it back under the sink. You unlocked the door, opening it wide enough to make sure Ethan saw the throw up in the toilet. "Jesus." Ethan said pinching his nose shut. "Is she okay, Y/N hardly ever gets sick. It smells like she's fucking dying in there." Grayson rolled his eyes at Ethan's comment. "I'll take care of her E, you can go back to the movie." Ethan nodded before leaving. Grayson walked into the bathroom and closed the door. When Ethan's footsteps wear gone you and Grayson broke out into a fit of giggles, you held your hand over your mouth, doing your best to keep your laughter hushed. "He totally fell for it!" Grayson said, bringing your lips to his. "Thank you, your excellent acting skills are really gonna sell this! He's probably already making assumptions." You smiled, a knot of excitement forming in your stomach. "Tomorrow's the big day, we're gonna prank him so hard," Grayson said to the camera, before grabbing it from it's hiding place.  

The day was finally here! Grayson was already preparing. He filmed the intro to the video in the morning. "What's up guys, we're back... Well, I'm back by myself so you know what that means." Grayson said looking into the camera. "It's time for some payback. By the title of this video you guys probably already know what's going down. You guys know my beautiful girlfriend Y/N, her channel will be linked in the bio if you don't know her, but anyway she's going to be helping me prank the shit out of Ethan today. How will she be doing that you ask? She's going to be pretending to be pregnant. Yes, you heard me correctly. We are going to be telling Ethan that I got Y/N pregnant. Now in order to pull this off properly, I ordered a fake pregnancy test and some fake ultrasounds off of Amazon. They came in the mail today and I gotta say, this is for sure going to fool Ethan, honestly Ethan's not that smart so it probably would not have been that hard to trick him, but still, I didn't wanna take any risk. Y/N and I also took the liberty of putting on quite the show for Ethan as well, just to make sure we pull this off. " Grayson makes a mental note to add the footage from the hidden cameras of the previous three days. "It's 8:30am right now, of course Ethan is sleeping. I told Ethan that Y/N and I had something we wanted to tell him over dinner tonight. I tried to seem as serious as possible and I think he brought it so I'm excited and yeah... I'll see you guys then!"

It's 6:30pm by the time Grayson arrives at your house to pick you up. He has his vlogging camera in his hand as you open up the door to the passenger side of the car. You slide in and Grayson turns the camera to you. "Hey, baby momma." He says with a smile and you can't help but grin. "Hey, baby daddy," you say playfully. "How are you feeling?" He questions, keeping the camera on you. "Nervous, I'll admit. But really excited to get Ethan good." Grayson nods behind the camera. "Same. He's gonna learn who daddy really is." Grayson immediately cringes. "Remind me to never say that again." You laugh and he pulls off. You hold the camera as he drives. Grayson continues to explain what will be taking place to the camera. "So right now Ethan's home setting up dinner, I have more hidden cameras in the dining room and that's where the prank will be taking place. He doesn't suspect anything whatsoever. He's been trying to get me to tell him the announcement but I said he had to wait until Y/N got there. I can tell he's anxious. All we gotta do now is get in there and prank his ass." Grayson turns into the parking lot of his house. "We're here. Let's get this show on the road."

Once everything is ready Grayson hands you the fake pregnancy test to pee on. When you do sure enough it comes up as positive. The moment is so realistic you have to remind yourself it's fake to stop yourself from getting freaked out. Of course you see yourself one day having kids with Grayson but you could never actually imagine yourself as a teen mom, especially with twins! You tucked the pregnancy test in your sweater pocket, shaking the nerves away. Grayson shows you the ultrasounds. "Aww." You look at the imaginary twin embryo's. "This is so crazy, look how real this is. I'm falling for it and I know it's fake." Grayson smiles. "Yeah, this was once me and Ethan. Now I can't stand his ass." Grayson hides the ultrasounds in his back pocket as you laugh and make your way into the dining room. You guys sit and eat the Chinese takeout Ethan ordered since neither twin can cook. Suddenly Ethan has an outburst. "Can you guys just tell me already. Fuck, I'm going insane." You and Grayson look at each other. "Do you wanna tell him or should I?" Grayson says. "I'll tell him." You answer back. You feel the pregnancy test in your sweater pocket. "There's no easy way to say this Ethan." You do your best to look scared. "I'm pregnant." Ethan's lets his fork drop out his hand. There's a moment of silence before you finally reach into your pocket and pull out the pregnancy test, reaching over the table to hand it to Ethan. Ethan's eyes widen as he stares at the test. "You're pregnant. So that's why he's been treating you differently, and the vomiting last night. You're actually pregnant." His eyes don't leave the test as he talks. You nod. Grayson makes a show of holding your hand, rubbing small circle with his thumb. "We're gonna have a family E." He says in a soft whisper. Ethan let's out a deep breath. "Does mom know?" Grayson shakes his head. "No, you're the first person we told." Ethan sets the pregnancy test down on the table. "How many months are you?" You lick your lips. "I'm just over a month." Ethan nods. "Are you... Are you going to keep it?" You and Gray share another look before slowly nodding. "Me and Y/N talked about it, and we both agreed we want to keep it. I've always wanted to be a father, and we can afford it, so why not." Ethan runs a hand through his hair. "Why not? Grayson, you're only 19. You can't handle a kid. Babysitting someone else's child and raising your own are two completely different things. You're not ready for a baby." Grayson clears his throat. "Babies." He corrects Ethan. Ethan stares blankly at Grayson. "What?" Grayson goes into his back pocket and takes out the ultrasounds. "Babies." He repeats. "She's having twins Ethan." The color drains from Ethan's face as Grayson hands him the ultrasounds. Ethan stares down at them in disbelief. "No fucking way," Ethan whispers to himself. "Grayson, you're not ready for this. I know in your head you think you're super mature and you know it all but you can't do this. Neither of you are ready for this." You sit there silent, completely stunned by Ethan's reaction. You expected him to be freaked out but he's genuinely disappointed. You don't think you've ever seen Ethan so serious. "I thought you'd be happy for me E. Why are you acting like this." Ethan stands up, the emotions in him becoming too much for him to sit still. "Why am I acting like this. Grayson, I'm your brother, your older twin brother. It's my duty to look out for you and do what I think is in your best interest. I love you, and I don't want to see you ruin your life." Tears fall down Ethan's cheeks and you squeeze Grayson's hand, signaling him to end the prank here. This was supposed to be a fun and harmless prank and you didn't want this is end on a bad note. Grayson takes the hint. "There's one more thing we have to tell you E." Ethan's shoulders sag. "What now, are you gonna tell me you guys secretly eloped or something?" Grayson shakes his head. "No... This is a prank." A big smile creeps on Grayson's face before he burst out laughing. "Gotcha Bitch!" Ethan isn't smiling though. "A prank? But the pregnancy test and the ultrasound, those are real." You shake your head. "Nope, ordered them from Amazon." Ethan looks at you in shock. "But you were throwing up, I saw it in the toilet." Grayson gets up and goes to the bathroom and returns seconds later with the bottle of fake vomit. "Oh, you mean this." He says handing Ethan the bottle. Ethan looks at Grayson with the same look of shock. "What the f-... You son of a bitch!" Ethan says before shoving Grayson. Finally, a smile appears on Ethan's lips. "You fucking got me!" Grayson laughs and you smile, happy to see Ethan in better spirits. "Say hello to the camera bitch ass!" Grayson says as he takes the camera from its hiding spot, putting it in Ethan's face. "NOOOO!" Ethan says as he turns away from the camera. "I fucking cried, fuck!" Ethan turns to look at the ultrasound. "This looks so fucking real." He holds it up to the camera. "You guys can't tell me you wouldn't fall for that. Who's babies are these?" Ethan turns to you. "Y/N, I thought you were my friend, how could you do this?" You shrug your shoulders. "Well, Grayson's my boyfriend so my loyalty lies with him, sorry E." Ethan shakes his head. "I wasn't expecting this from you, Grayson. I'll admit I underestimated you. But that won't happen again. It's on." Ethan turns to the camera. "I'm gonna get him twice as hard so if you're not subscribed you might wanna do that now just saying." Grayson rolls his eyes "Alright, that's it for this video, see you guys next week. Y/N you wanna get over here and do the outro with us?" You walk over and get in view of the camera. "1, 2, 3... PEACE!"