#eta I don't really think they are still together at this point

[statementlou]

why do you talk about Louis using blue and green signalling as if it isn't about Harry, that what the blue and green are- do you not believe in larrie?

short answer for the reading challenged trolls to cut down on asks yes I am a larrie, not that anything is wrong with not being one. But longer (much more interesting imo) answer: We know H and L were together, but no one really knows if they are still or again- I personally mostly believe that they are, but I get why people don't think so and can't see any reason to get pressed about it. But you make a solid point- blue and green and certainly things like Louis wearing the H shirt don't potentially signify anything other than larry right? Well that's what makes it so interesting to me- I kind of don't think Louis IS using those things that way! As my recent anon pointed out (and I agree) he wants people to think he is Freddie's dad, he is not presently trying to be perceived as gay in the face of people trying to force him in the closet- he is in charge of his image and is choosing to publicly put forward that he is a guy who got someone pregnant and dates women. And I do think him and H are together, but I don't think he particularly wants to talk to us about that, if that makes sense? But I believe he does want to connect with his beloved fans on a more personal level, to revel in the acceptance and love and shared wink, I know you know I know, me and you until the end, our eyes meet, together we're the greatest- and I think he uses the larry imagery to do that, rather than to talk about his relationship. I could do this for days he gives us SO MANY examples to choose from but just to pick one: the all blue and green lighting for All This Time. Think about it- if he actually had images of a rainbow flag on the screens at his shows or waved one or something, it would make the articles and press and be a whole thing and revive every rumor ever about him in every tabloid! But if he makes the entire lighting and screens for a song blue and green (or wears a shirt with a giant H on it or any of the other one million coded things he does), well so what? No journalist would think a thing of it, nothing to see here- but the larrie majority of his fanbase hears him saying "you were right about everything and yes I am gay and I love you for seeing it" and go completely bananas! It's fucking ingenious tbh, SBB at his finest! And the fact that the song he chose for his current unhinged bluegreener fest was All This Time was for me the thing that really cemented this theory for me; I know some people disagree, but to me that song reads as being about him being closeted and his public life and the fans and choosing this lighting for that rather than for like We Made It or something really feeds my conviction that he is bluegreening on main as a way to tell us that he is gay rather than to tell us anything about his personal relationship. TLDR yeah I DO think he is signaling, a lot, but I don't think it tells us anything about the status of his relationship with Harry or anyone else and the reasons I think they are together don't have anything to do with Louis' stage lighting choices, but also that means I don't think it makes sense to say he's not signaling anything ever because you don't think they're together; both can coexist and I think it's just weird to act like he's not making pretty clear choices

[lurkingshan]

Things That Have My Attention in 4 Minutes Episode 4

Congrats to the Dome is Tonkla's brother truthers!

Let's talk timelines again. I still think we're working with two timelines, but I no longer think they're cleanly separated. Because if they were, you could not have some of these things happening concurrently. If we only had an Original timeline and a Redo timeline, then everything Great changes should be part of the Redo timeline. But in this episode Great saved Nan in the same timeline where Dome was dead, which we know because Great got Nan's location by getting Korn trashed after Korn fought with Tonkla over his abandonment in the aftermath of Dome's death. These things are all connected, so we can't cleanly sort events into one timeline or the other.

Which means it's most likely that the two timelines are bleeding together, making things unstable. This would explain Great's experience of overlapping moments last week, and Tonkla seeing Dome briefly before things went all weird and he disappeared at the end of today's episode.

By the way, it turns out those cold opens are not of the future--Tonkla has already done the murder in the same timeline where he's messing around with the cop. ETA: @my-rose-tinted-glasses pointed out that this is not necessarily true if the scene of Win getting the fingerprints and the phone call is also in the future. So back to square one on that!

Speaking of, what is up with Win? He is fully engaging in an affair with a murder suspect and doesn't seem to be investigating Tonkla at all. And I cannot let this pass without comment: why on earth did Win not put his pants back on during the long scene of him listening to Tonkla and Korn?! Was this really an appropriate situation to Winnie the Pooh it???

The flashback to Tonkla and Korn's beginning gave good context for why Tonkla thought he might be able to have more with Korn. I appreciated the details there: Korn was giving him money before they even had sex the first time and was lying to him about his intentions from the start, while Tonkla had zero experience when they met and didn't know how to recognize the signs of Korn's lies. Korn basically groomed this kid to be his sidepiece and has strung him along for years.

Tonkla definitely feels like a tragic character heading for a bad end, though perhaps he will also be saved eventually by the timeline shifts. In the timeline where Dome is dead and he's fucking Win, Tonkla is being incredibly reckless. I couldn't believe he just moved a new man into the home Korn pays for, he's gonna get caught.

I was grateful the show did not actually go all the way with Korn assaulting Tonkla, but it was clear he would have if Tonkla had not managed to distract him.

I continue to find the emotional tenor of Great and Tyme's scenes kinda weird. I don't understand why Great is so willing to betray Korn to help Tyme after just meeting him, I don't understand why Tyme revealed his face only to run away and then accused Great of being in on the conspiracy after already confirming he's not, and I don't understand why they were acting all blushy and awkward in that sex scene rather than leaning into the adrenaline high for a more sultry tone. They have been on one (1) date so the emotional investment is not really tracking for me for two experienced adults, but I can't tell if I am supposed to find this all weird and confusing or just go with it. It feels like the show just wants me to accept the shortcuts and buy into them as a serious romance, so okay I guess!

Speaking of betraying Korn, Great's plan was abysmal. He steals the information from Korn's phone (so considerate of him to spell out his criminal conspiracy including names and locations in one convenient text chain), tells Tyme everything without any knowledge of what his brother did, then walks right into an active hostage situation in his designer whites and shows his face to all Korn's goons. Korn is gonna know you did this, bro! Do you care?

It seems that Nan has a friend who was killed in a similar fashion to Tyme's parents, though I'm still curious how they connected and came up with this plan.

I still got nothing on this Lukwa connection. Why are she and Great the only two experiencing this phenomenon, and why did they see each other in this liminal space?

Also noting that there were several sex scenes this episode and no condoms or lube anywhere. I guess this show only depicts safe and realistic sex when they have a sponsor paying them.

[somecallmegin]

Gimli Son of Gloin, if every character in Lord of the Rings was a person of color instead of the Peter Jackson version. Don't get me wrong, I love those movies, but some of the design choices stump me. A few years back I used to fall asleep to the DVD bonus commented extended cuts & at one point I could probably have recited the different versions in their entirety. My favorite was the one commented by the ETA Workshop team, the miniature people and costume department were amazing.

Anyway. Not really sure what I'm going with with that expression here. I think it was supposed to be a bit more fierce in the beginning? The original idea was to place the scene somewhere along the time they meet the Rohirim for the first time, but he got a bit softer since then.

Okay, I'm letting this sketch go now, I was clearly getting fed up and lazy with the beard, my hand was starting to cramp and I don't think I knew where I was going, haha. This Gimli has so much hair! There's no way any of those braids could be so thick while being so close together, but I'm going to say it's a classic dwarven constitution thing ; they're short, thick and have a truly massive amount of hair/beard.

Still getting the hang of Clip Studio Paint, but it's getting easier.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Extra

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist

Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

I haven't done any writing on Closed Position this week. I know! I'm sorry. There were a few details I was still thinking through that happen later on and I wanted to be sure I was on the right path to get us there. However, I have been working to nail down those details and fill in my outline with the important stuff. I think I have a pretty solid path set at this point, so I feel a little more confident going forward with writing.

Since I don't have any snippets to offer this week, I bring you a mood board of things to come. Each image represents an event that aligns with some part of the plot.

👉🏻 It’s time to start throwing out your conspiracy theories based on the mood board! Let me have them!

Behind the Scenes

In addition to working on my outline, I've also been doing A LOT of research, as I always do. That includes details on hotels and prep/filming schedules for tv shows to really nail down the 'behind the scenes' aspect of things. I'm even making song choices for Dieter & Kat’s performances based on the beat count required for each dance.

Believe it or not, these types of details do help form the plot of the story. Sometimes those small details will spark an idea for putting the characters in situations I wouldn't have thought of otherwise. While it does seem a little crazy to do, it does actually help me in writing...but it does make me a little slow sometimes. 😬

So what have I researched this week? Here is a running list...that may offer some hints of what's to come:

Flight Times

Directions & travel times

Hotels in NYC (that meet certain criteria)

Rehearsal/filming schedule for a certain show that's filmed at 30 Rockefeller Plaza.

Kinesiology and Physiotherapy

Hydrotherapy and Electrotherapy

Alcohol and Drug Recovery

Codependency/Relationships in Recovery

Dance positions, counts, terminology, etc.

What have I recently watched for research?

Dirty Dancing (I hope you’re ready for some references and jokes… because nobody puts Bravo in a corner.) 😉

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

Take the Lead

Dance with Me

Lots of Dancing with the Stars videos on YouTube and the last two seasons that are currently available on Disney+.

A shit ton of instructional videos for ballroom dance.

That all seems very random, doesn't it? This makes me wish I would have done this for Destiny & Deliverance, because that would have been wild research topic list. 🤭

No ETA on the next chapter, but I can say it’s probably going to be another long one since I am doing it by the show ‘week’. Some weeks there is a lot to squeeze in. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Until next time,

💜Mysty

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble.

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on Dancing with the Stars to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo.

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

CP Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept @survivingandenduring @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981 @guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte @timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime @copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75 @bunniboo0015 @quicax3 @jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @jessthebaker @rebel-held @gwendibleywrites @senorabond

[mirror-ralsei]

THEORY: The Butterfly Effect

I'd like to thank VGFM for forming the basis of this theory with theirs, the excellent "The True Identity and Importance of "Everyman"". I highly recommend reading it!

---

A while ago, VGFM brought to my attention the presence of a butterfly motif in UTDR.

They noted the presence of butterflies in three specific places: Whimsun/Whimsalot's bullets, Reaper Bird/Everyman's bullets, and King's cape.

I'd like to expound on this by analyzing these usages, and also add another two instances of a butterfly motif that, all together, lead me to a conclusion about what butterflies in UTDR could mean.

1: Everyman's bullets

Probably the most memorable appearance of butterflies across Undertale and Deltarune. It's our pal Everyman!

In case it was possible to forget, here's a refresher: the amalgamate Reaper Bird in the True Lab features a guest star in their attacks. The strange, embryonic "Everyman" initially just stands there. Then their face is painfully eaten by butterflies, and they subsequently will go on the attack. Everyman has since cameoed in Deltarune a few times, but the butterflies have been conspicuously absent.

Still, this seems to be the character most obviously linked to butterflies so far.

As for what butterflies could mean here, there's only one really major thing to note: Everyman was not aggressive until the butterflies infested their face. In one of their attacks, the butterflies even seem to be "puppeting" a staggering Everyman, and are the ones actually inflicting damage by flying out of their head.

Does this mean the butterflies represent aggression? I'm not so sure. However, as we're about to see, they do seem to appear a lot in the context of antagonism.

2: King's Mantle

Another butterfly was visible in Deltarune Chapter 1, taking the shape of King's... cape?

At the time of VGFM's theory, we didn't have the Chapter 1 livestream, but Toby gave us this one for free: "Cool mantle, bro."

Setting aside the weighted term "mantle" for this theory (but rest assured, you're in good company thinking about the SkyMantle and ShadowMantle), I'd like to focus on the King himself.

Firstly: Many people refer to this character as the "Chaos King," likely due to the titular track that plays during his fight. But the character himself is only ever referred to as "(a) King." Let's squirrel this away for later.

Secondly: During said battle with King, during which he has his greyscale mantle, he is able to use a greyscale "tail" from his belly to attack us by slightly manipulating the UI.

King uses that grey belly tail to drag our box around the screen and into bullets in various ways, almost reminiscent of fighting Sans. As far as I can remember, (correct me if I'm wrong), he's one of the only DR characters who do this (ETA: @potabo pointed out Queen also has a UI-affecting attack, as does Spamton in a scrapped attack).

But after the King's mantle has flown away, we only see him using basic spade bullets. We never see the belly tail again.

Now, of course, this could just be gameplay/story dichotomy - we're in a cutscene, not in battle, so of course we don't see any grander attacks.

But it would be interesting if the mantle itself was what granted him the meta power to manipulate the UI. If true, then by extension, this might associate the butterfly motif with similar powers.

Remember what I said about "Chaos King" not being his real name? That begs the question: why is the track titled that?

3: CHAOS SABER

This one's a little sneaky.

We've all probably noticed by now that Asriel's battle is chock full of Deltarune references, and plot elements we weren't even aware of. There's plenty of theories and speculation out there about that.

But one of the elements flying under the radar is his attack "CHAOS SABER."

Not the Kris-like sword attack, or the unusual animations, or the Deltarune-like sparkles at the end... but the very sword sprites themselves.

Take a look again.

Yep - when put together, the two swords Asriel uses form a butterfly shape. (They're also reflections of each other...)

What do we know about this instance of the butterfly motif? Not much, really, aside from the use of swords to cut, the production of those Darkner-representing stars, and the title: "CHAOS SABER."

Uh-oh. Maybe we shouldn't speak too loudly of "chaos..."

4: Jevil's voiceline

Just a small one, but I think worth noting: Jevil, a character strongly associated with Chaos, has the voiceline "METAMORPHOSIS."

Yes, it's one of his references to those Line stickers. But face it: when you hear "metamorphosis," what's the first thing that comes to mind?

It may not directly spell out the word "butterfly." But fellow Line reference "I CAN DO ANYTHING" doesn't directly spell out "freedom," anyway, and that's an actual confirmed Jevil motif.

All I'm saying is, it's not out of the question that the "METAMORPHOSIS" line might tie into this ongoing butterfly motif.

5: Whimsun/Whimsalot's Bullets

You may have gone through this list wondering: where are Whimsun and Whimsalot? What profound meaning do they have? What fascinating secrets can we glean from their depiction of butterflies?

The answer is: I dunno lol.

Sorry, there was a reason I shunted them off to the end. Unfortunately, I just can't find anything that sorely sticks out! Whimsalot is one of the CORE enemies, sure, and those seem Deltarune-relevant in some way, but otherwise... I just don't know! If anyone has more profound insight to offer here, feel free to sound off - I'd love to hear your ideas. Personally, I'm gonna throw in the towel until we get another chapter.

CONCLUSION

You've probably noticed by now, but there seems to be a common thread throughout half of these instances.

Jevil, "Chaos King," "CHAOS SABER"...

In Undertale and Deltarune, butterflies may represent CHAOS.

And honestly, it makes more sense than you'd think.

The butterfly effect is pretty well-referenced in media: a single flap of a butterfly's wings, rippling out to eventually cause a hurricane somewhere else.

And what discipline, exactly, does the butterfly effect fall under? Chaos theory.

If this is the imagery Toby Fox is trying to invoke, I wonder if our actions won't "ripple out" in a great chain of cause-and-effect, either. After all, he did state some things "only appear random. All chaos is ordered."

As for what this means for the affected characters, the one that jumps out the most as an example is Everyman. Again, in Reaper Bird's attack, the poor fellow appears to be engulfed by butterflies - so, metaphorically, by CHAOS. Only after this do they actually become aggressive. And interestingly, Toby Fox also remarks on how the Dark Fountain may have changed King's behavior.

After all, in terms of the greater plot, the most solid thing we know about the role of CHAOS is that it will apparently result when the Dark Fountains fill the sky, and cause the Roaring.

So, is "Chaos King" actually King altered by the CHAOS-causing presence of the fountain? How many more benign characters like Everyman have been spurred into aggression in this way? And how long before all this mounting CHAOS becomes a true Roaring?

It seems we'll have to keep an eye on the butterflies.

...Well, that's all I've got for today. Feel free to leave your essays about Whimsun being the most important Undertale character - once things ripple out enough, you might just be right.

(Screenshot credit: 1, 2, 3)

[sagescented]

Husband had a dental appointment today to finish the other half of his deep clean. I had to step out halfway through to take my telehealth appointment with my GP since we had overlap between our appointments today.

My GP's really excited about my progress since she put me on the new diet. She's going to re-refer me to Cardiopulmonary Therapy, though, despite my cardiopulmonary workups coming back fine, that way I have medical supervision for my reconditioning, since it's been so long. But other than that, she's comfortable waiting until my usual / regular yearly labs are due in April, to see me back again. Which is great news!

Other than that, everything went well. Hubby has to go back in 6 weeks (ish) to make sure his cleaning took and everything's healing ok. And then I think I'm going to need to make an appointment for Whisper at the vet soon.

She's been acting strange since yesterday evening. Not lethargic, but more like she knows she did something wrong and is just ... Waiting to be punished for it or something? Doesn't want to come out of her kennel and has to be pulled out of it by force, is keeping her head down the whole time she's out, won't wag her tail and is keeping it tucked, didn't greet or play with my Husband yesterday when he came home from work like usual- and she only ate half her food last night (she is drinking like normal, though, so that's good). She's never like this, but we have no idea what's up.

As far as we know, there's nothing she could've gotten into. So I'm going to keep an eye on her for a couple days and see if she's just In A Mood™ because I took the bedding in her Kennel away yesterday (it's dirty and needs to be cleaned, and we'd had plans to give her a bath at the same time) ... Or if it's a more serious long term issue she needs a Vet appointment for.

Fingers crossed it's the former and not the latter- and if that's the case, it certainly wouldn't be the first time I've had to deal with someone being in A Mood because of some small change like that; I love my Pittie mixes to death and back- always will. But sometimes they can be so dramatic about things, ha.

ETA: @resolvedbrunette brought up a really good point about my Brother in Law potentially having done something to her. And I was going to say no at first, but then I remembered one of the last times he was down to visit and we had issues with Whisper not feeling well after he left.

We don't know if my Brother in Law dumped his Dog's food out in the yard before he left, or what. But we had this issue at one point where the day he left, Whisper suddenly started vomiting mountains of food out of nowhere. And we hadn't fed her yet that day (we evening feed all our animals, and this was during the day that it happened). It lasted about 3 hours, and then she was fine after that.

When we pulled the towel we gave her as temporary bedding (because she hates sleeping on the bare plastic bottom of her Kennel) out today, we found vomit in the bottom of the box. Not much, but enough that it seemed she threw up at some point while we were gone at the Dentist. I didn't think anything of it at the time. But now that Res has mentioned it ... I wonder if my BIL isn't feeding his Dog outside while he's here. And now I'm wondering if Whisper didn't potentially get into Buster's food while she was outside with him, unattended, yesterday while I was making the Peanut Butter Protein Balls for my Husband.

She used to have a habit of- even when she had food in her bowl- going and polishing off the food in the Cats' bowls the second we looked away. We had to start feeding them on top of the bookshelves as a result. And she still gets into the litter boxes and eats their poop, no matter what we do ... So I really wouldn't be surprised if, if my Brother in Law is feeding his Dog outside, she'd get into his food as well. And that's the only time we've left them together unattended since he moved back in with us. Now low and behold, we're having problems with her again?

If so, I'm going to be so mad about it. Because that man can never think anything through, or be considerate about anything or anyone and I hate it.

[drivestraight]

eta was insane and epic and truly a masterpiece in character study! I had no interest in the pairing (initially) or oscar as the main protagonist but I read the fic bc I love your writing in general and BOY was I stunned, you've outdone yourself fr 🤌 I'm low-key interested in how do you feel about osc, lando, and max v (the eta versions of them) after writing the fic.... I can't imagine writing all of it and not feeling extremely tied to them or having inexplicable feelings regarding them

sorry that it's been. 2+ weeks. BUT I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU.

first of all thank you so much ! i love oscar as a protagonist... he's just so... he's everything to me, and my favorite sort of ship pairing is literally just. my two (or in this case, three) favorite guys together. and i literally do think this is by far the best thing i've written to date...

in any case yeah i'm. Really attached to each of these characters and ETA and the lives they live after the fic. the max f story with lando, the aftermath of abu dhabi 2026, how (and whom with) he moves on in 2027... lives secretly in me and lia's heads. as for oscar and max, they continue living their little life together... oscar continues serving cunt in red bull in 2027. Anyway it's like. as rooted in reality i tried to keep these characters (at least, from the starting point, and obviously they developed as characters, primarily oscar, in a way that's farther from reality ATM, just like... in virtue of how... storytelling works, how the Inciting Incident/Starting conditions re: hungary 2024 was inherently different), of course they're very different as to how they are IRL but. that's what makes them really special to me? in a way? like these characters are ones that were created solely for this universe, and it feels really special to have been a part of that creation/the one to flesh it out into words. but i'm not done with it, and i don't think i'll be done with it for a long time <3

ty for the ask ! TLDR yeah like. it's been almost 2 months since i started working on ETA and. it's still very close to my heart and it'll continue to be like that, and i think i'll be talking about it for a while haha. hopefully you guys won't get sick of me...

[heavensbeehall]

my elaborate mags headcanon

eta: lol i have edited this like five times to add details that I forgot.

Sixteen-year-old Mags Flanagan lives with her elderly grandmother who suffers from dementia, one-armed uncle (he lost it in the war but made the mistake of telling Peacekeepers a shark bit him) and cousin and is Reaped for the 11th Annual Hunger Games. She strongly suspects the Capitol-loyal Mayor of choosing children from Rebel families on purpose (he is naive in thinking eventually the Capitol will be appeased). Her Uncle feels incredibly guilty about her predicament. Her lobsterman cousin must race back from waters near District 13 (aka Maine) to look after the grandmother who should not be left alone. We learn the people of District 4 have always known District 13 was not destroyed (they can see it from their boats).

The small, redheaded girl has little hope of winning, especially compared to her tall, athletic District Partner, Tack, who is surprisingly easy to talk to and willing to team-up with Mags. She had thought him a bit of a jock. Tack's family were also Rebels and he has A Lot of Opinions on how the Capitol uses terror to keep the districts down. He would prefer to die at Mags' hands, or any other tribute than the muttations like the snakes that got Coral the year previous. He knows several District 4 kids who had nightmares about the snakes. He is very high minded, so obviously he will die. (Tack is blonde and has a polisci major vibe.)

Mags is more like Katniss in that she just wants to get back to her grandma. (She's old and might wander off a cliff!) But she does see his points.

Locked in cages, the tributes are interviewed by "the Gamemaker boy" (Snow), and Mags watches him very carefully as he charms some of the other tributes, particularly the female ones. Mags is, for once, grateful to be a lesbian because she forms a bond with Tigris, who is hired to make the tributes look presentable for the interviews, instead--both queer, both raised by their grandmothers and close to a cousin. She comes to realize Snow and Gaul never intend to stop the Hunger Games. She sees darkness in him and thinks he distrusts women (reader will know this is baggage from tbosas), thinking they are manipulative.

The Tributes are thrown into the ampitheater arena (same as 10 and prior) but it has been gutted and circus-themed, then filled with freakish muttations. There are different "rings" where different mutts are located. Mags and her partner work together and survive the lions, bears and--finally--an electric eel (as seen at the end of TBOSAS movie) which Mags evades mainly due to her ability to hold her breath for several minutes thanks to years of freediving in District 4. She is greatly affected by Tack's death.

When she emerges from the arena, she finds Snow made himself (the Ringmaster)--not the tributes--the star of the show, for political advantage. Mags is rarely allowed to speak in public--though her image is widely used for publicity purposes (see Capitol Couture) though Mags thinks it is Tigris who really made her striking. But she has a falling out with Tigris because she takes a dim view of Coriolanus, whom Tigris still thinks will stop the Games once he has more power.

Mags returns to 4 determined to spend as many good moments as she can with her grandmother (who no longer recognizes her, but that is okay because they are together) and hopes to prepare the children of 4 for the ongoing "forever war." She speaks out about her experience in the Capitol at events in 4 and eventually over the shipboard radios (mags basically goes on a podcast). Most people in 4 don't have TVs. Snow has her silenced with a poison that immobilizes much of her face. She helps her cousin run for Mayor in the hopes of finding a "better way" to chose kids for the Hunger Games--though she does not think any child should go only knows that it's not going to stop.

Slight Mags/Tigris but it doesn't work out. Epilogue set after the 70th Games, where Annie's disorientation reminds her of her grandmother. Annie very much wanted to be like the Mags of the posters the Capitol produced when she volunteered. But Mags knows that version of Mags was just an illusion. And Mags understands why the death of Annie's district partner nearly destroyed her. Themes about perception and reality, dementia, psychotic breaks etc.

Even though Mags' grandmother didn't know who she was at the end, it didn't matter so long as she felt safe and happy. Annie and Finnick give her a sense of family that she thought she had lost when her wife (who was not Tigris but that is okay) was killed by Snow. She is happy in this moment.

[mzannthropy]

Favorite and least favorite. DJATS scenes? My least favorite is the overdose scene in ep 8. Like,wydm Billy called Daisy "baby?" I doubt that. My favorite is either Billy saying good morning to Camila and Julia in ep 5,Daisy kicking Nicky out,or the Camilabilly s*x scene at the end of episode 5. (and he wasn't thinking about Daisy,idk what Daisybilly shippers say. He loves his wife, aurora is about her, nothing can change that.)

I can't shut up about the Pick Up Your Kid scene from Episode 3. Bc I know how much Sam loves his kids and being a dad, I knew how difficult it would be for him to film it. The tears were unscripted, that's just Sam crying for real. I've not really thought about favourite scenes. Camila and Billy on the balcony in the finale, but that's only bc of their acting. Aside from the fact that the dialogue was ridiculous, it shouldn't exist, bc there's nothing like that in the book. Erasing the Daisy and Camila hotel room scene was a huge disservice to the characters, to the fans, to TJR. Just thank the gods that Sam and Camila are such good actors. I liked all Billy's scene with Camila and Julia. As for other characters, I liked Teddy being a father figure to Billy, the final scene with Karen and Graham. I know the poor guy was devastated, but Karen made her choice.

Least favourite, where do I start. I agree on the ending of Ep 8. (It was in fact what set of me off on a mini villain arc that lasted all through till the end of June, when I accepted that Sam was not going get an Emmy nomination, which is why I wasn't even upset that he was snubbed, bc I had already grieved it, but it was a painful process.) It should have been Simone that found her. Once again, a female character robbed of a scene. Not to mention that a man cradling a woman in his arms (while she might or might not be dying) is the most overdone scene in all of TV/film history. Start noticing it and you'll never be able to un-notice. Also, same episode, when after the press conference they walk in that corridor and Billy tries to kiss her. The whole argument, even. Cheap drama for the sake of it--nobody argues with faces that close together. It gives me so much second hand embarrassment that I literally recoil any time I think of it. I don't get triggered by horrible scenes that usually carry trigger warnings, but I do get triggered by stuff like this. Bc it's stupid.

Sam has a film, The Nightingale (dir Jennifer Kent), in which he plays the most horrible character of his career. It's a brilliant film and I recommend it, just heed the warnings bc it gets really violent. Yet it's easier for me to watch than a lot of DJATS. Bc I understand his part in the story, bc he is supposed to be like that.

ETA: Bc I misremembered, I thought Simone found Daisy in the book, (I can't check the book bc I listened to it on audio.) so I thought they should have kept it like that, but she actually just woke up herself, broke up with Nicky and then called Simone. I knew Simone figured somewhere, at least. Doesn't change my point, though, bc it still takes away from a female character. It's even worse bc it means that in the show, Daisy needed a man to 'save her'.

Yeah, if anyone had to find her in the shower, Rod would have been the better option; he's the manager after all, and if Daisy saw in his face that he was really worried about her, not just bc she was the lead singer and he'd lose money or whatever if something happened to her, but out of genuine care, she'd realise she was worthy. But nooo, they had to go for the most male writing stereotypical scene instead.

[cadybear420]

For this ask game, for aiden and evie

Pre-relationship 2 + 6

General 2

Love 9

Domestic life 1

Ask game here! Details below the cut

Pre-Relationship 2: What was their first impression of each other?

Evie's first impression of Aiden: "Very serious, very focused on music. He's not mean or anything, but I'm not sure we'd get along, he doesn't seem quite like the type who would wanna be my friend. Probably too busy with music. But he is weirdly interesting, though. And kinda hot too."

Aiden's first impression of Evie: "She seems nice. A bit of a fool, though. Doesn't seem like the type who would be all that interested in my interests. But she is interesting."

Pre-Relationship 6: What was their "flirting stage" like?

Prior to Aiden asking Evie to homecoming, there isn't really any flirting because they don't quite know each other's romantic feelings yet. But after the homecoming ask, it is a little more clear they have feelings for each other, and so they are (or at least Evie is) more comfortable making more romantically-charged moves. Including their first kiss during their first dance at homecoming.

I'm not sure whether the stage between that kiss and when they actually become official counts quite as a flirting stage (and Evie and Aiden aren't sure either), but let's say it does count. Either way, during that period they're a lot more open with romantic gestures with each other. Lots of kissing, cuddling, romantically-charged comments/flirting, and quite a couple of dates. And maybe getting just a little bit frisky with each other during their alone time, albeit arguably more PG stuff like lap cuddles and feeling each other up through clothes. I think Evie would be giving attention to Aiden's ass by this point, albeit at more soft levels (like gently caressing/squeezing it occasionally, sometimes commenting on it).

General 2: Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Answered here, but Imma copy paste it here

Although it's months prior to when they confessed love to each other and even when they first started dating, the time when Evie invited Aiden to watch The Incredibles at her house with her the first weekend after homecoming is what they consider their first date, as it takes place after they both know they like each other. (ETA: I'm discounting homecoming because it's kind of low-hanging fruit when it comes to determining the first date lol)

Love 9: What reminds them of each other?

Answered here but I will copy paste here.

Pretty much any time Evie hears/listens to music or sees anything related to music (like musical instruments) or sees something that could be considered rhythmic or compared to music, she thinks about Aiden and how he would analyze it and what he thinks of it.

Anything Aiden sees that he knows Evie likes will remind him of her, take your pick lol. And half the time, if he can, he will buy it for her.

Domestic Life 1: When they move in together, who gets the most say in decorations? What do they each have to have in the house?

Both of them get equal say, but Evie is a lot more "grabby" when it comes to decoration choosing. She sees anything that looks really nice or cute and she immediately wants to get it.

Not quite sure about what specific things they each have to have, but they do have different styles. Aiden likes anything that's neat and tidy and clean but still stylish and distinguished. Evie is similar, but especially likes when the "stylish" in question is vibrant yet cozy.

[x-on-the-calendar-business]

ryan ross iceberg (tier 7)

tier 1, tier 2, tier 3, tier 4, tier 5, tier 6, tier 8

deep waters:

light up skechers fancam:

this is a fancam made by twitter user fleetwood_wac. the background song is skechers by dripreport, and i think it was a tiktok song? (i don’t have tiktok) in 2020/2021, it became famous on ryan ross stan twitter. i don’t think the original tweet is still up, but aryn has it in this reply.

side note, if you weren’t on ryan ross stan twitter in 2020, you were sorely missing out.

go figure. to late honey:

this is a quote from one of ryan’s livejournal posts from july 3, 2005. it’s SO iconic.

zrosswald:

this refers to ryan/z berg/alex greenwald. i think it’s meant to refer more to their friendship; the golden trio, if you will. however, i’m sure there are people who genuinely ship them all together, just like rydan.

they have been a tight group for a while, as z and alex both played with the young veins some. also, ryan and alex made appearances at z’s prom events.

eta: as i suspected, this is definitely a real ship.

here's a tumblr post explaining the ship dynamics a bit more. this blog has a lot of zrosswald content if you're interested!

kale:

on thanksgiving of 2011, ryan tweeted this:

in 2021, it became a meme in the ryan stan twitter community, and people tagged gordan ramsay in the tweet, asking his opinion on ryan’s cooking.

first male model for mac:

the story goes that in the fever era, the makeup company mac offered ryan a spot to be their first male model. unfortunately, he declined. according to the comments on a livejournal post i found, ryan discussed this in a 2006 spin magazine interview [i]. there were scans of the interview, but sadly, they’re not available, like most pictures on lj. it hasn’t been archived either.

the same commenter says that article doesn’t specifically mention mac, though. mac did offer ryan free products, but he doesn’t say if he accepted them [i].

so, it’s unsure if ryan was offered to be mac’s male model (unless there’s another source i’ve missed) or another brand’s. either way he turned it down. my guess is that the mac idea came from the fact that he used mac’s products back then.

beef with pete wentz:

after the split, brendon got pete in the divorce.

in a MTV interview that ryan did in 2009, it says “…he wishes Urie and Smith well and still considers them both to be his friends…The same cannot be said, however, about his former boss -- Decaydance Records honcho/ Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz -- who seems to have clearly aligned himself with the Urie/Smith camp following the split" [ii].

in the same interview, ryan specifically says:

"I haven't spoken to him in a while, since this happened. I guess I've been meaning to call him back. He called me, but I've missed a lot of phone calls this week," Ross said. "We're not sure [whether Ross' and Walker's new band will be on Wentz's Decaydance Records]. I'll have to talk to him, but obviously from what's happening online, I think he's ... he's written a lot about them. I don't know if they're working together on their stuff. I'm not really sure, but it's been awhile since we've spoken. It's strange. It's kind of weird" [ii].

the author of the article speculates that ryan and pete’s friendship is over [ii]. i can’t find the source for this, nor can i remember what the specific comments were, but i swear that pete did make some shady comments about ryan at one point.

however, it does seem that their relationship is not on negative terms currently. in 2016, pete tweeted this and this about ryan [iii] [iv]. also, this year (2023), pete mentioned ryan in a video fall out boy posted of pete reviewing his old fashion! you can watch it here:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Fall Out Boy (@falloutboy)

i’m also going to link an article i found that chronicles ryan and pete’s entire relationship, which is an interesting read (although i get the feeling they’re a little biased against ryan…).

ryan’s pet turtles:

i can’t find the post or comment, but on a lj post, ryan commented “this reminds me of when my dad ran over my pet turtles with the lawn mower. thanks.”

“i went to high school with ryan:”

i have two sources for this, and i’m not sure of which one is the original. however, this one is the one i remember seeing first (around 2014).

on tumblr, someone sent in an ask saying essentially the same thing, also in 2014.

i know that both are referring to the same thing; i’m just not sure if the first pic is based on the ask, or if the ask is based on the image. either way, the sentiment is the same.

honestly, i don’t think this story is true. still funny nonetheless

hot girls eating pizza:

this is another one i cannot find a source for anywhere (not even a tweet mentioning it), even though i was able to in the past. i apologize.

but i’m pretty sure that what this is about is a tweet/social media post in which he referred to hot girls eating pizza.

if anyone has a source or more information on this one though, please let me know!!

(i was going to dm the creator of one of the icebergs i referenced to ask her, but twitter won’t allow me to send dms to someone who doesn’t follow me unless i pay for twitter blue. i’m committed to explaining this iceberg but not enough to give elon musk my money i fear)

sent to an island:

in an alternative press interview from 2018, z said that on christmas eve, she shipped ryan off to an island to clear his head. ryan says, “true story” [v].

kate moss playboy:

in the following picture from ryan’s instagram, you can see a kate moss playboy on the table.

hentai:

in the fever era, panic did interviews for a japanese magazine. someone ran ryan’s portion through an image translation, and it brought back something about hentai.

eta: update, twitter user givememallce bought the actual magazine from japan and provided us with translations of this image and the questions the band was answering! they also included the answers from the rest of the band if you're curious about those [vi]. so the biggest shoutout to them and their service.

fake wedding with z:

in 2009, ryan and z pretended to be married. ryan tweeted a picture of z with a wedding ring, called her his wife, and also tweeted a quote of her calling him “the best husband ever” [vii].

later, he tweeted that his wife left in the middle of the night. he then had a revelation:

the best part is that all of these events took place within a single day.

here’s the masterpost with all the details:

not actually 5’11:

this is a conspiracy that ryan is lying about his height.

one piece of evidence was that brendon is 5’9, meaning ryan would be 2 inches taller than him. however, in a lot of photos they look to be relatively the same height.

the other piece is that multiple fans who have met ryan said that compared to their own heights, he can’t be 5’11. i don’t have specific sources of people saying that, but i know it was discourse on twitter at one point.

next is the final entry in the iceberg, where we get into the most obscure stuff the iceberg has to offer and finish this thing up.

tier 8

references:

[i] https://bandfandom-ref.livejournal.com/133181.html

[ii] https://www.mtv.com/news/1fedpk/exclusive-ryan-ross-talks-about-leaving-panic-at-the-disco

[iii] https://twitter.com/petewentz/status/794988164901261312

[iv] https://twitter.com/petewentz/status/795025751930114048

[v] https://www.altpress.com/ryan-ross-z-berg-the-bad-list/

[vi] https://twitter.com/GIVEMEMALlCE/status/1695649402663363028

[vii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/180912208431/ryan-ross-and-z-bergs-wedding-masterpost

[pluto-glow]

I've been meaning to ramble about this for a while oops but me and one of my partners worked on an rvb au based on this art We don't exactly have an official name for it- we've called it rvb ai swap au and rvb freelancer fix-it since a lot of the freelancer's ai's were swapped around and we added a lot more ai's and freelancers and it kinda fixed somethings? But also fucked up some other stuff so ya know

But the ai swap that started this entire au was North and South getting Eta and Iota. North got Eta since Eta's associated emotion was fear, so that just ended up with North taking on even more of a caretaker kinda role for Eta. South got Iota who's associated emotion is happiness. The Director saw how well North and South worked together and when Eta and Iota formed together, he wanted to see if giving them to the twins would help North and South work even better together than they already were. And it honestly does kinda work, North takes care of Eta so some of his anxiety and worry about South has an outlet, and Iota helps South have more fun.

But where does Theta go if they don't end up with North? In this au North gives up Theta to Maine instead of Carolina giving up Sigma and I love Theta and Maine being paired up so much you have no idea. Theta helps Maine with communication and Theta figures out a way for some of the Freelancers to learn sign language so Maine can talk to people more directly. Maine also gets protective of Theta after a while which helps Theta a lot when they get scared at night. Maine doesn't have as many headaches from Theta as he did from Sigma either.

Wash still gets Epsilon, but the Director and Counselor figured that implanting an AI who's associated trait is literally memory directly could end up with Wash knowing more about the program than he should- so they did something closer to when Epsilon/Church was in that mongoose I think it was? He's in Wash's armor, can project and all that, can still access the armor, but can't access in Wash's head. It makes the 2 of them communicating a lot harder, but it also means that Epsilon being implanted doesn't fuck up Wash's head so-

One of the non-canon Freelancers that I've been working on for this au is Maryland. She's easily distracted a bit of a major klutz, and can get pretty social anxious, but she's one of PF's best snipers. She gets paired with Kappa who helps her with focus. Honestly helps with focus a little too much. Kappa doesn't see the point in doing anything that doesn't have to do with Project Freelancer, but Maryland still likes to relax when she gets the chance. They but heads a lot when it comes to when to work and when to relax, but they still work pretty well together. Maryland's armor upgrade is a rations pack, it holds everything from water to ration bars to fluids that can be injected through an IV if needed.

Now I know Temple isn't exactly a Freelancer and he hates them but- Temple is supposed to be Church's counter part, right? So why not make Temple an AI. Temple was originally an AI named Tau, he's the Alpha's want for revenge. The Director and Counselor figured that having an AI around who just wanted revenge on them would be a bad idea, so they shipped him off to a sim trooper canyon and made up this fake backstory for him that his name was actually Mark Temple and he had signed up for Blue Team, and did the best they could to make sure that Tau didn't remember Project Freelancer. But if Temple was really an AI then what about Biff? Biff was actually a Freelancer sent there to watch Temple like what Florida was originally supposed to be for Church. Biff didn't really know a ton about the "memories" Temple had, but Biff had to go along with them anyways. The Director and the Counselor decided they liked how the experiment with Tau/Temple went, so they ended up trying the same thing with the Alpha when the time came

We have a lot more than this- the google doc we made for the AU is like 60 pages? But this is just some of the main characters I've worked on

[hislittleraincloud]

DirecTor: *sweat-drenched and sore, tries to sneak in as quietly as he can*

AB Wednesday: *turns on the light with a click*

DirecTor: *jumps* Heeey. There. Kiddo. How goes it?

ABW: Hey there, author. It goes quite fine. *takes out her phone, taps the screen, turns it to me* But care to explain to me what I'm seeing here?

DirecTor: *squints* That's uh...that's the Lords of Acid.

ABW: ...I know. I'm asking about the scene behind Gigi. *taps her little black-nailed fingertip on the screen over my disabled Weeble ass gesturing to the crowd to show me their pussies*

DirecTor: Well uh...see...uh — I was...there.

ABW: ...I know. But how did that happen?

DirecTor: *swallows* Well. I was seated sort of off to the side near the stage entrance and when Gigi called for people to come up on stage for 'Pussy (Round)', the dancer pointed to me. Probably because of my shirt.

ABW: *purses lips, and I can't tell if it's out of anger or irritance* Well, it is an attention-grabber.

DirecTor: Yeah, tell me about it. I got a lot of grins and comments on the way to the venue and then at the venue. I'm on a shitload of peoples' clouds. How'd you get that video anyway?

ABW: *clicks it off after she sees Praga Khan giving me a hug at the end of the song* I have my sources.

DirecTor: ...

ABW: ...

DirecTor: It was Fester, wasn't it.

ABW: ...Perhaps.

✨👹🔥🫠🔥👹✨

So...somewhere in this world more than a few people have pics and video of my thicc ass embarrassing myself behind Gigi Ricci (the current vocalist for the Lords). Face reveal!:

This is actually a screencap from a video I took of myself listening to the White Girl Drama next to me before the shows started. I wanted to stick an icepick into my brain to escape her blathering. She was with her friend and they were both dressed as Coop Voodoo U devil women, full-on red body paint and all. But because of their drama, they left before the Lords even got to 'Voodoo U' (and it was on the set list). Like...the yappy one had fallen asleep at her table at one point and her friend looked a little concerned. I asked her if she was okay and she said yes, but...she didn't look ok 😬

I'm so tired. I'm too old for this shit, but it was worth it because it seems that every time I go out and do something like this, people gravitate towards me. I got to shake Praga Khan's hand (he turned to me before the song and shook my hand after I climbed the short stairs w my cane...I was shocked to have even been invited onto the stage by his dancer ETA: WIFE, I learned it was Inja, Praga Khan's wife 💀), and then he hugged me after the song was done. He's so little and frail 😳 But very sweet. I haven't let anyone touch me bc of COVID, but he was the exception. The man is a legend, and the Lords still have it.

Gigi was topless! She didn't have any X tape taped over her nips tonight, unlike during the Philly show (the vids I posted).

I did have to leave a little early (they weren't done yet) because I wanted to beat the crowd to BART and I didn't want to get stranded late in the damn Tenderloin. I made a friend...of course he is a cultured, older European (Dutch, LOL). He was sitting alone before everything started and looked a little lost (his friends didn't show up). He too needed to leave early bc he lives in San Jose and also had to catch BART back. We chatted quite a bit and stuck together during the show.

Anyway. I guess time will tell re: if I get sick. I shouldn't, bc I don't think my gear slipped and the venue was not packed...it was a comfortable half-packed hall, so people could actually socially distance themselves, or dance and move around. The crowd was pretty geriatric (like me), but there were quite a few younger Millennials there too. I really should have a headache from all the headbanging, but I don't (and interestingly enough, my voice isn't hoarse either, despite loads of screaming). My feet and legs are dead tho. I'll probably be bedridden for a couple of days.

ETA: The dogs were all asleep when I got back, and my old boy was fine. I love it when they're well behaved. Someone was trying to get their dog into the venue (when I arrived at the hall, there was a short line of people waiting to get in). I don't know if they succeeded, but I didn't see the dog in there, so. It was a small, white fluffy dog with a 'service dog' leash on it. Even if it was a real service dog (and I don't think it was), why would you bring the poor thing to a freaking Lords of Acid concert? It's not a goddamn orchestal symphony. The Lords are LOUD. I kept thinking how horrible it would be for my baby had I brought her. Too loud! She's used to loud Lords of Acid since I sometimes play the Afterburn soundtracks when we go out in her little front pack, but not THAT loud. Damn, people. That's just cruel.

[coldgoldlazarus]

.

Still not sure how to talk to the people from the d&d group about last week.

I wanna be mature and constructive about this, but the best I can really muster is "Yeah I kinda fucked up in some spots, not trying to downplay that, but on the whole I'm just frustrated with the situation, and how all of what went wrong is being put on me in a way I feel is unfair."

I felt like I was rushed into something I wasn't entirely ready for, right on the heels of several months of stress over making sure I'd have food stamps again. Yes I volunteered for this several months beforehand, but not as an immediate thing, and more with a broad vibe than a clear pre-planned... plan. I wanted to have the time to figure out the finer details and put maps and materials together before committing to doing this, but instead between being busy with IRL shit, executive dysfunction and heat exhaustion being an absolute bitch, and my own anal-retentiveness about getting everything just right combined with not being entirely sure where to start, that didn't happen.

I really should have just said no, but everyone NEEDED SO BADLY to play something during the break from the main campaign, (even though there is a minecraft server literally right there) and the whole "if you don't pilot the EVA, Rei will be made to do so again" thing was in play with the other multishot that could have filled the gap getting off to a false start and not being entirely ready either. Plus, I wanted to get this test run out of the way so I could work on the reboot of the big magical girl campaign again while the current main one was drawing to a close. Being told July was gonna be the last chance to do that before a long stretch without interruptions kinda made me panic. So I said yes instead.

I figured given my track record, having the deadline would be a good way to ensure I actually worked on it, but like, I think it really just did more harm than good, compared to if I had let it breathe. I also thought I was a bit readier than I was, with some stuff I hadn't even considered needing to figure out cropping up right on the day of, and having to scramble to get those hashed out at the last second. So yeah, while this was going on I spent the bulk of the weeks not working on this, and then having to do the rest day-of, causing the session start time delays. (I could give a detailed breakdown on exactly what those unforseen "invisible steps" were, so they have context for why the delays kept happening the way they did, but I've already been told to my face by at least one of the group that she doesn't give a shit, so whatever.) That was a mistake on my part, not gonna try to say otherwise. I just should have said no in the first place.

And I guess there's the communication issue. That I did mess up on too, the first few weeks. I tried to do better about it last tuesday, at least, after going radio silence the prior week. I felt I did a decent job of giving updates on my progress and saying "hey this is probably happening but don't assume it is for sure until I say I am Done and Ready." It's out of my control that people went ahead and assumed it was a sure thing anyway. I literally said at one point that I needed to take the bus back home from the library and that would be causing another delay in my prep, only for someone to say "okay this is happening definitely at exactly when she gets home" and I had to say, no, that's just when I'll be getting home, I still have more setup to do after that. And it's a hard fucking balancing act in giving ETAs because people get mad if you give too big a number, but then I also tend to take longer than I estimate...

I should have just called it off then and there tbh. Just didn't wanna let people down second week in a row. Not that that worked out anyway.

And of course the straw to break the camel's back was that A: There was another thing I needed to finish that I thought I had already done, but had in fact only half-completed, B: one of the other players dipped out on account of a migraine, and I hate leaving people out on principle but everyone else wanted to go ahead anyway, and C: on top of those, this was suddenly needing to be the last session before the main campaign resumes yesterday, so I'd have to rush to complete yet another session's worth of content while running one. And also I'd been up for 26 hours straight at this point. How the fuck was I supposed to react? I needed to remove myself from the situation and I needed sleep.

(I will readily admit that waking up still pissed the next morning and pouring all my complaints into a shitty meme format generator was not a mature course of action. Again, not pretending I'm blameless here.)

...

Anyway, my takeaway from where and how I did fuck up and why, is that I'm just not cut out for this.

After the first run of the magical girl campaign crashed and burned, I figured out a lot of the hows and whys, and found solutions to those problems to enact for next time. But none of that was even relevant to where this one went wrong, so that's a whole new set of problems to also find answers for, and Idk how to do that other than just having everything already ready to go beforehand. A luxury I just don't think this group would be willing to afford.

And furthermore, on sitting back and discussing both campaigns and my approach, I think the way I'm coming at this is fundamentally incompatible with what the rest of the group wants out of a campaign, and this would extend to trying to reboot the big one as well. I don't really enjoy TTRPGs as a medium in practice as much as in theory, because I just function better telling a planned story, not playing an improv game. It's a bit frustrating when it feels like the rest of the group doesn't care about my big grand narrative, but on having the time to reflect on it, I think that one's a Me Problem and a symptom of the incompatible approaches. There's nothing wrong with either, but the two don't exactly mesh well. And this is only one example of that clashing, same happened with me as a player. (The worst of which was when I tried changing my approach! It didn't work and backfired harder!)

(Literally the one exception where things did go well, was because that character I was playing was a super easygoing, down-for-whatever and in-the-moment type, and that campaign didn't last long enough for something to go wrong anyway.)

What happened on Tuesday was basically me ragequitting, but my decision to leave altogether is not. It's me recognizing that I'm the weak link here, and so it would just be better for both me and the group for me to stop trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.

But of course, it seems at least some of them are mad at me over that, too. There's no winning.

So in the end, I don't really know what to say. Yeah, I fucked up. But no, I don't feel I fucked up badly enough to warrant this level of vitriol. I tried to learn from what went wrong and communicate better instead of shutting down, but that only does so much when people just decide what I said differently like with the bus thing, or change plans on me at the last second. I'm frustrated as hell, but not mad at the people, I'm just upset and annoyed that they're so mad at me.

I tried to do my best in time, but the timing was all wrong, and my best just wasn't good enough. Sorry.

[drivestraight]

This is my fav fic everrr❤️❤️❤️ I felt the same about all to play for. Then winning mentality. And now holy shit this was just🫡🫡🤯🤯🤯 and I understand now what you meant when you said this is more like winning mentality than all to play for.

First off. I just want to say. I adore Red Bull Racing in this fic. This is the team I fell in love with and am missing it so much 🥲🥲

And Max was just a menace and sweetheart in this fic🦁🥹🥹 When I got to Zandvoort 2025 I couldn't stop grinning😁😁 His last home race and he did that🥹🥹 maxoscar were too adorable

May I just say. I adore Max, and was intrigued by Oscar (now I'm obsessed) and was really looking forward to your maxoscar however brief it was going to be. But man. You knocked it out the park.

And your landoscar, while I don't usually go there... This was brilliant actually. That feeling when you think that this person is exactly what you wanted but then you have a fallout or whatever and look at it from a distance and realise that you never really knew each other but just saw what you wanted hit deep.

And also. Qatar 2026. When Oscar let it all out and showed everyone how much he actually cares >>>>>> Red bull's reaction when he apologised was literally "??? Why tf is he apologising"😂😂 I now want Oscar to be RBR's next WDC after Max retires🙏

And Lando really is going through it huh😵 the hint of Daniel was also really nice.

I want to say so much more but I feel like it's too long😅

This fic was amazing not only for its characters but also the storyline. It was hit after hit and I enjoyed it very much❤️❤️

Thank you soooooo much for this masterpiece ❤️❤️❤️ I apologise if Im not coherent or come off as rude in some places 🙏🙏

sorry for answering this so late !!

thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️ and yeah like. when i first got the idea of a red bull oscar x retired max fic, like last october, obviously winning mentality was more recent, and i saw it as its spiritual successor. and while the original maxcar fic was like. in my docs in theory for like, 10 months, i completely revamped it at the start of this september, and it became eat them alive !

obviously on the surface ETA is very similar to all to play for, but i think that the themes/heart/structure of the fic is much more similar to winning mentality - almost like a fully fleshed out version, just with different people and a different season - but still max there as that stable constant haha.

and yeah... red bull i love you... red bull i miss you... please get your shit together... this fic really was just like 57k of copium...

max <3 my guyyyyyy. no like. sorry. but what he did in zandvoort was so funny like. bro just completely fucked up. send absolute shockwaves through the paddock and ruined landoscar's relationship forever. #oops. the way he was like. omg teehee oopsies and then he realized that lando didn't know...

and yes !! maxcar !! thank you so much - i was kind of hesitant/scared about writing their dynamic for the first time in depth, but i'm glad it worked out, and that people ended up liking it so much :)

and yeah... the landoscar of it all. wanting someone and loving someone so much and even caring for them so much but you're just so fundamentally incompatible. you never really knew them, and you never really. oscar saw what he wanted to see and so did lando..

qatar !! the entire fic, in all honestly, was building up to qatar. the breaking point, the blow up. the whole throughline of oscar struggling to let his emotions be seen - and it isn't until he's pushed to the very brink, that he finally lets it all out.

and yeah red bull in qatar/abu dhabi. it's like. of course oscar raging wasn't a good thing but. the guy was literally so. Placid and the opposite of fired up (on the outside) to them that - it was honestly just so nice to see him crack. to see just how much he wanted it, and learn how much he's wanted it all along.

"I now want Oscar to be RBR's next WDC after Max retires" i think there's some people in the paddock IRL who want that too...

and yeah ! daniel being a small catalyst i think was a fun touch :)

and don't worry! this wasn't long at all and you weren't rude at all !! thank you again so much for the sweet message, and i'm happy you enjoyed all the characterizations and the plot :)) ty again for reading!!

[angelinthefire]

for the fic writing ask: 1 2 3 7 19

deep fic writer asks

what's the fic youre most proud of?

Right now it's gotta be Ignite your bones. It's definitely the fic I was the most careful with, and spent the most time thinking about, and refining. And the thing I'm proud of about it is that I've gotten exactly the reaction out of readers that I set out to get. Dean-kills-Sam is a risky premise, as is, I feel, not having a trajectory that's focused on healing, but still winding up some place that's "happy". There are a lot of fics that are about recovery and healing, and I understand the appeal, but I just don't think Dean and Cas are capable of "fixing" each other. But I think that's a narrative that some readers have come to expect. To end with: Dean and Cas are in no way healthy, but they're able to be unhealthy in a less damaging way -- and then people like it -- that's really satisfying.

I do also want to mention Forget your perfect offering, because I'm proud of it for a reason that does not seem to have resonated with many readers. Which is the treatment of Heaven in a philosophical sense. Picking at its threads but not unraveling it. Respecting the fact that Heaven is the angels' home, but really getting into its inconsistencies at the same time. I put a lot of my worldview into it, and I'm really pleased with how it turned out.

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

Ignite your bones, easily. Especially the first half. There's an aspect of writing that's kind of comparable to method acting, putting yourself in the character's perspective and connecting it up with personal experience to understand how to communicate what they're going through. Going through that process with one depressing scene after another kind of sucked and was not fun. I write about Dean's depression quite a bit, like that's a big aspect of the character to me. But he was spinning his wheels so much in this fic, and he got so low. It was just not a good place to be in. If I was not looking forward to the ending so much, I could not have written it.

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

I answered this here, but I just thought of a better answer. Fire (which I posted on AO3 in 2013, but I first wrote and posted it on lj in 2006), an angsty Giles/Jenny from BtVS one-shot, is the first thing I ever wrote where I felt like I was really ~doing something~ with a motif, the first time I felt really ~writerly~. So that one's special to me.

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

It impacts me immensely. I have written more words of fic since Nov 5, 2022 than ever before in my life. And that's only partially due the inspiration of the source material. Up to that point, for the most part, I was mainly focused on BtVS fic, and mostly Giles/Jenny. Which is not the most popular ship. And there are some very lovely people in that fandom, and I did get wonderful feedback, that means a lot to me, and I feel bad for abandoning a Giles/Jenny WIP when destiel went canon, and I do intend to finish it at some point. But just the size of the destiel fandom means that I get so many more hits of dopamine from positive feedback, it does drive me to write more to keep that going. Basically, everything I do needs to win me the praise and approval of my peers or else I wither and die.

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

For me, it would be something that hews as close to canon as reasonably possible (I do prefer canon divergent to 100% canon compliant), including having the same tone and structure as the show. It would be a casefic (something I have generally never been able to write). But the emotional story would be a continuous thread throughout. It would be about Dean and Cas getting together. But it would happen so natually that it could replace what actually happened on the show in my mind.

ETA: rereading this, it sounds like a boring answer, and maybe it is. Maybe I'm just incredibly basic. But the key thing is that it's able to make you feel like you just watched an episode. Rather than feel like you just read a good story.

Thanks for asking!