#essays make me uncomfortable

[rin-solo]

These are all just really rough concept sketches but... My point is if I ever make a 600 Strike animatic, it will be so freaking unhinged

Ever since I wrote that essay about the vulnerability in this scene, I've been so normal about this scene, I swear (I say like a liar who lies very lyingly)

[fumifooms]

You're always so on point with your posts. On that note, it made me realize that; Considering the themes of desires in DunMeshi. It's also to say that what you think you want isn't what you actually want.

Like, Marcille thinks she wants the handsome prince from the novels she reads... But what she actually wants is someone maybe more like her father who she admired so much. Kind, virtuous, caring to a fault, a family man. Things she later finds in Chilchuck.

Because as traumatizing as it was to see her mother's spiral after her father's death; Her memories of her father itself are some of the most important to her. And it fits with her pursuit to increase her loved ones' lives, because she does want what her mother and father had.

Sipping. I do go over ‘what you think you want vs what you actually want + what you need’ in my (upcoming) Marcille & Chil arc analysis ;) It’s a part of Dunmeshi that I really like and is super fascinating, I’d honestly like to make an analysis-post on the topic: all the different threads and characters in canon that reflect that, desires vs wants and themes of idealization in Dunmeshi, but it’s one of those things that’s just so huge to make. See this is the freaking problem with doing Dunmeshi meta you start talking about the themes or a narrative and everything is so interwoven you get distracted with tangents BUT IT’S ALL COMPELLING AND RELEVANT

I know that’s something laimar does a lot too, the dad thing, with Marcille in a post-canon comic knitting beside him paralleling her parents and whatnot. I don’t know if I fully agree on the angle but there’s definitely stuff to dig at there…

Like I know that I’d like to analyze Marcille’s succubus more, it comes up in my analysis draft but it’s not the point I’m trying to make there so I focus on other stuff but… I always saw the focus of Marcille’s succubus as that she sought out an emotional connection most of all, it’s romantic and courtly in nature but more importantly there’s personality and behavior there and it’s a character she already loves and knows deeply from having read the series, so it’s not like Chil where it’s just a pretty face whose identity doesn’t matter. A friend of mine though, @room-surprise, goes with the angle that it shows she isn’t ready for a relationship and that the appeal is very self-centered, and I def think compelling points are made…

Point I was trying to make, the succubus is definitely at the crux of figuring what it is Marcille wants and craves in someone I’d say, where she’s emotionally at wether consciously or subconsciously, or how she sees herself being involved in romance at least… It’s true Marcille is enthusiastic about romance, but always someone else’s, never hers, and she seems unwilling to examine her own relationships with people. She oversteps boundaries either obliviously or carelessly and doesn’t like change…

And then there’s how complex people’s relationship to fiction can be on top of that and graaaaah

Edit in bc I forgot I wanted to mention this like an idiot: OH and I do think the Daltian Clan serves a role in the general tapestry of Dunmeshi as well, sometimes in in depth ways that Room-Surprise will tackle in their research paper way better than me I’m sure. My understanding of the importance of general Hagreus in a more general narrative sense is that he reinforces the theme of idealization/fantasy vs reality that’s super present through the manga. Beyond just Marcille’s arc and his importance to her he’s designed uncannily close to Mithrun, it parallels real elves and their very flawed military system and the broken people it cultivates vs the romanticized elves put on an aesthetic pedestral in novels, especially considering it’s "general" Hareus

To give some previews of the analysis wip: Thus the succubus targets Marcille’s wish for a perfect knight who could cherish her forevermore, someone safe and known and fantastical, just hers in a way, free to see and construct however she wants because he’s a character to interpret Dungeon Meshi is in part about resisting desires, the irrational cravings, mostly through the character of the demon. I mentioned needs earlier, and to ideals vs wants we also add vs needs, both emotional and physical. And needs alongside wants are what Dungeon Meshi wishes to promote for a healthier person. Dungeon Meshi illustrates very well with the dungeon lords that you can be a slave to your desires. Dunmeshi prones the important of balance for both a healthy body and a healthy mind, and the arc of optimism vs pessimism with Marcille & Chilchuck is one such case <3

Ouuuugh how flawed relationships with flawed people can still be made into somehing good and healthy that make the world brighter…

We’ve gone far from the topic of how her family shaped what she seeks in relationships haha, I think you put it well already though I don’t have much to add on that front Edit in 2: SIKE! I’ll add that there’s an interesting thread in the manga of Marcille maturing and becoming more like her mother, which would be interesting and fun to pair with the fatherhood of Chil. Because Marcille is sometimes a mother figure as well: she’s the mom friend. I go over it here, and since when I made that post I’ve seen more interesting analysis on the topic too, like noticing she hides behind her mother’s portrait in the nightmare chapter, perhaps the inspiration behind her more mature reserved academic persona she sometimes has. Her parents are def important to her so it’s interesting to see how all the dynamics and her own psychology fit into that….

But yeah I think what she (thinks she) wants out of romance has a lot of layers, both conscious and subconscious… I haven’t gone into the bigger picture of how fiction affects her relationships here but it’s the central topic of my Marcille & Chil arc analysis so. She idealizes the trope of the prince charming and finds it attractive but is that what she would actually latch onto… Is it fully superficial, is it more about herself than it is about her potential partner... Is it mainly because she wants to get validation, from being special that she typically gets from high academic performance… We do see she can be rather insecure and worried about others’ perspective of her, that they think she’s not useful or capable enough, especially in the mandrake chapter… Unconditional love perhaps

What is your emotional landscape Marcille. How emotionally intelligent are you. I don’t think she knows what she wants romantically. I think she has a job so she don’t really care about that rn I’m just not sure if we can figure out what she ~actually~ wants on her behalf that might be too many levels of interpretation but idk idk, thinking on it still

[kyouka-supremacy]

I fucked up

[incesthemes]

hey girlie it’s me, sam winchesters gay lover, your mootie 🥰🥰🥰 i just wanted to let you know, that your tags on the post about that wincest video are based and i agree with every word, hashtag slay couldn’t agree more i loved reading your essay in those tags heart ❤️

omg thank you!!! i'm basically only capable of talking in essays whether people want me to or not, unfortunately

i just have a lot of feelings on this topic and the whole "canon or not canon" argument is weird to me; the themes are pretty darn clear in supernatural (it is NOT known for its subtlety) so idk man. they don't have to kiss to be canon. and they don't have to have a romantic relationship to be canon either. how many times do they get into relationships with other people only for it to be treated as cheating/betrayal/abandonment, only for them have to give up that relationship in order to reaffirm their devotion to their brother

that's just what the text says. i'm not under any kind of delusion that they have some secret sexual or romantic relationship, but that doesn't change that sam and dean are each other's most important person regardless of that. which is really awesome imo, that romance isn't treated as more important than whatever horrible thing they have with each other, and that they don't have to consummate their relationship with romance/sex in order for it to be the most important one they have

(and of course there's romantic/sexual subtext, like parallels and metaphors and misunderstandings and jokes, but to me that just provides a solid foundation for presenting this relationship between them as the most important even though it's not romantic or sexual—because this language of romance is the only one we know, really, when it comes to writing important relationships between characters. it's the only one we know in our own personal lives, to a large extent. so you use the romance/sexuality to symbolize the actual bond they have. which is so much worse lmao)

anyway i think spn is fairly unique in this way because of how no other relationships can really ever stand parallel to the one they share; even in other shows that center male friendship, romance is allowed to coexist with brotherhood. for sam and dean, it's not, and that becomes a point of tension and conflict and resolution many, many times over the course of the show. so like yeah!!! just because it's not romantic or sexual doesn't mean it's not canon, in the sense that their relationship is the point of the show, and it is the most important relationship they have. they chose each other above all else, every single time. yknow, it's "the epic love story of sam and dean" and all that

[artsycervidae]

Having a fixation on a character where the fandom is majority catered to thirst and lust can be very difficult sometimes.

[tarragonthedragon]

my job is forcing everyone to create personal development plans detailing not just what professional skills we want to gain or whatever but also what personality flaws we want to work on over the next year and i have never empathised with anyone more than the guy at the desk behind me who gave up on the form and said "i don't have any ambitions"

[noxious-fennec]

aromantism & cannibalism :0? (plsplsplsplsplspls)

THANK YOU alright so.

Cannibalism is a a need, a hunger; a visceral desire, at the expense of another, that is as physical as it gets. It's also not a very common form of desire, which nicely juxtaposes it's symbolic place in my fiction as shorthand for romantic attraction.

with the base assumption that the hypothetical "you" is neither cannibal nor keen on being eaten alive: Being desired by a cannibal is to be wanted intrinsically in a way you have no way of accessing much less returning. if you love this person, don't want them to go hungry, the guilt would be tangible; what a waste to be loved so strongly for nothing in return. how cruel to keep loving someone just shy of how much they love you. What if you enjoyed the attention, the validation of being desired? wouldn't that be callous? Would you give yourself? your body to become fuel with you trapped in it, your future at the mercy of their hunger? What if they desired someone else but not you, wouldn't you feel jealous, left out, less than? Say they wanted you to join in the act instead: could you force the flesh of your fellow man down your throat for them? or would you just be exhausted, drained of life as you force your body to digest what it's not built for? how long would you last before they realise you're a poor imitation of the real thing? As the cannibal in this dynamic, your desire is visceral and wholly moving, it's so strong it doesn't leave room for anything else, and the only way to express it is at its object's expense. But you can't understand why they wouldn't want your love if they claim to love you. is your love so defiling, impure? you don't expect them to become a cannibal, but it's natural to you, couldn't they try? or is your all not enough? wouldn't you be justified asking for a little more?

Cannibalism is a metaphor for the horror of a desire that traps you in it. it's a metaphor for being left behind. it's a metaphor for obsession, for the violence of being alive and raw and scared and intimate and it still being not enough.

[eligobrrrrr]

I have work to do, a lot of work to do actually

Brain doesn't want to cooperate

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[quatregats]

Just started thinking about my department and my program and now I'm stressed out again

[shigussy]

the amount of pedo youtubers i watched growing up was insane but its actually really worrying that i had crushes on most of them and im so so thankful that my interest in most of them disappeared before they got exposed bc i would've lost my mind which did happen once with miniladd

[w04hxo]

.

[peaceblank]

The med school primary application asking if my work and activities are meaningful, like by simply going out of my way to do anything doesn’t have some kind of impact on my life.

[vinnyandthephenomena]

do you ever wanna like un come out to your mother

[calronhunt]

sorry to anyone who thinks like any family dynamic is normal in kibby cats at all. A big part of this comic is the deconstruction of family dynamics and this includes found family. Crane, Condor, and Warbler is just one example of this where they call each other family but their shit is so fucked up and weird and awful and bad. Lain and the King is another example and is also fucked beyond belief.

My desire to write this is due to my own severe dislike of "fandom" found family and the trope on it's own in most cases. In certain circumstances it makes me genuinely uncomfortable and sick to my stomach, I'm admitting right now this is a bias I have. And later in the story after some trauma processing Lain does start protecting Warbler and I don't want anyone to think that Lain is going to become "her dad" or anything. Because from my own experiences with family issues, what I don't want is just "family again but with a different person." It would not be fair to Warbler to be put back into a situation where she is once again someone's child and just an accessory to them when she is just starting to bridge the gap to adulthood. the same way it would not be fair to lain to, once again, dedicate his life to someone else's protection when he's also just starting to become his own person.

i know this is inevitable because anytime someone sees an older person standing up for a younger person they're like "oh my god they adopted them." but they are friends. They are friends that become very close, but they are not family.

[catfishofoldin99colours]

watching a very interesting video essay and I feel like my brain is enlargening it's. SO good.