#essay about perception
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Seeing the Real Person
I recently saw a musical in which the teen suffers from an aging disease. It’s impacted the entire family, with the parents afraid to have another child in case he is born with the same genetic abnormality. As the character nears the end of her life, her parents decide the time has come to try again, in a way, replacing the teen. Toward the end, the teen sings about…
#Essay#essay aboout decision making#essay about a true experience#Essay about decision making#essay about emotions#essay about family#essay about how we are perceived#essay about life#essay about perception#essay about relationships#Essay and Thoughts#Feelings#Personal Essay#relationships#Thoughts#Writing about Perception
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who thinks I can write an essay in the next five hours
#I'm gonna die#the essay is about the final girl trope specifically in relation to halloween#as well as how time has changed the perception of said trope#in relation to feminism and stuff idk
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compilation of 12s projection onto bill and onto her relationship with heather and what it tells us about how he views and approaches his relationship with missy. yay!!
#torturing himself over his desire as though he's a protagonist in a regency era romance novel#this is just fascinating because like. you really see the mechanics of the doctors perception of both himself and the master here#the way he words it too? she's making you a part of her and you can never come back'? that’s such an intimate way to describe that i think#you need to be put in prison for it.#this should actually be an essay with how many more things i want to tie in with it maybe i’ll add the master audio section later#much to think about. mainly about how i think they are in love.#LOVE pretending like this is all intentional SO important that drwho fans deny coincidence and meticulously craft delusional narratives#peoples of the universe please attend carefully
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in the opening scene of limbo, maxwell interrupts eiffel's conversation with hera and asks him to leave the room so they can talk. maxwell is, obviously, keenly aware that she could talk to hera from anywhere on the station, regardless of who else she might be talking to - it's an action that specifically indicates she doesn't want hera to be talking to eiffel while she confronts her. hilbert does a similar thing by breaking into eiffel's comms frequency to ask hera to divert power in super energy saver mode, and during the flashback in memoria, where he tells eiffel not to "distract" hera from her job.
#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#hera wolf 359#this will be part of a larger point if i ever get around to writing that essay but. it's just something i always find kinda interesting#eiffel could leave the room and continue talking to her but. he wouldn't. and they know he wouldn't.#it says something about his perception of and relationship to her and the way other people perceive that in turn.
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i just wrote a whole post on how david and roger’s perception of each other ultimately led to their downfall and it started off as like a paragraph of surface level observations and somehow morphed into an essay length analysis that i can’t possibly justify posting 😭 i did kind of cook tho ngl i’m proud of her

#lena.txt#me when i’m normal#roger waters#david gilmour#pink floyd#watermour#even if i wanted to post it i would need to clean it up bc rn it’s just a huge mess#like it’s basically just a pure manifestion of my adhd#i got derailed multiple times like i never strayed completely from the point but i definitely had a lot of tangents#at some point i started talking about the seven deadly sins and how they pertain to the disharmony of pink floyd 😭#and obviously it’s completely opinion based so i can only use what facts or ‘evidence’ i do have to support my thesis#but i still think i did a pretty good job at capturing the full scope of things#even tho 99% of the time i’m like yeah i think this could be something but i am often wrong#i think this one came out pretty good and obviously there will always be a bias when it comes to anything opinion based#but i think it was a pretty fair analysis that doesn’t really favor or place much blame on either of them#it’s just how it is 🤷🏻♀️#also it’s actually based on my tags from another post i reblogged like last month about david’s perception of roger#and somehow it turned into a mini essay with a word count of 1.5k#of course if i go back and edit it i’m sure it will inevitably become longer and closer to 2k#also there’s nothing romantic about it in nature at all like the one reference made to intimacy is strictly about emotional intimacy
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anyway i have to give a presentation for my ap gov final tomorrow which originally was just going to be about the effect of conspiracy theories on political activity (think qanon, jan 6 etc) but i ended up putting it off until tonight, predictable because i'm 17 with roblox on my phone and haven't taken my adhd meds for a long time, but it means i have much more liberty to change the premise last-minute and considering the horrifying news out of colorado today i think i am going to adapt it to cover the overlap of conspiracy theories with antisemitism and the pipeline to like. radical extremism. it probably won't go over especially well with my classmates because Room Full Of Sheltered White Upper Middle Class Teenagers From An Overwhelmingly Liberal Small Town Has Exactly The Opinions On Israel/Palestine That You Might Expect, but the teacher at least worked in israel for several years as a part of her thesis so i know worst comes to worst she will back me up and also? we are literally 5 days from the end of the year i'm scared but so is like every jewish person in the world right now so i am choosing not to give a shit about what my classmates think. wish me luck
#sorry i hope this doesn't come off as like. super smarmy or self congratulatory or whatever i just wanted to get it out somewhere#and like. i want y'all (jewish followers) to know that even if the statistic is far far smaller than it should be there are still goyim#who see and care about what is happening right now and think it is awful#also i've decided to add a disclaimer at the beginning of like “i am not jewish” but i'm not totally sure if that's the right choice#like my reasoning is like. some humility and acknowledging that i (random goyish white girl)#am not the Supreme Arbiter Of All Jewish Experiences i just found some shit on the internet and made a powerpoint#and also i don't want to reinforce the perception that like. only jewish people will speak up about jewish issues and antisemitism#though i doubt that matters to most of my classmates w where they're at ideologically#and i don't wanna create a weird situation where like. everyone assumes i am jewish when i'm not#not because being Assumed Jewish would be a bad thing i just think it'd be kind of weird of me to#not pretend necessarily but like. enable the belief that i am a part of this ethnicity and cultural group that i am not part of#but at the same time i don't want to create this impression that like. any association with jews or judaism is inherently shameful#and i must rid myself of that association. which from my understanding is the basis of like#the vast majority of antisemitic conspiracy theories so i think that kind of messaging would be a little ironic#in a presentation about said conspiracy theories. which is where my doubt comes in#so. idk. thoughts?#tag essay#antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#i hope it's okay for me to tag jumblr in this just looking for some input vis a vis disclaimer#jumblr
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thinking about how cut off tko is from forming even a vaguely normal relationship with people
#insane 50000 page essay in tags warning.#in his first appearence he only reacts violently when rad and enid overstep his boundaries#(in defense of rad and enid and everyone else they did not know what was going on and were doing their best)#tko reacts not ideally. and because he has the ability to he wrecks everything -> gives the impression that this kid is hecking evil#dont give a nuke to a kid with anger issues..#and it leads to him getting totally isolated- which again fair. and completely justified in the pov of other people#but it just results in him getting alienated more with no way to learn how to regulate his emotions#and people only see him when he's mad as hell and wreaking havoc which. Bad impression every time.#like how do you fix this#i think tko wouldve probably been treated better had he not been stupidly op#ALSOOO. I HATE THAT LFTTE JUST. FUNCTIONALLY CEMENTED EVERYONE'S PERCEPTION OF TKO AS 'EVIL MANIAC WHO KILLED EVERYONE'#WITH NO CHANCE FOR HIM TO EVER CHANGE THAT BECAUSE. MKO#like. who is left to apologise?? and who do you forgive ???#of course when mko says anything (doubtful. i bet it was a traumatic experience for him) theyll say “oh its fine that was tko's fault”#how do you. Explain. when all they know about tko is that he's evil. would you even want to explain#i am way too invested in the side character that was functionally not meant to be more than the main character's plot development device#cries and explodes into a pile of very sad confetti#incoherent ramblings#everyone else in the ok ko universe get the most satisfying and well-written endings ever and then there's my favorite character
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the great thing about falling really deep into a new media niche is developing opinions on many new things. the terrible thing about falling really deep into a new media niche is developing opinions on many new things
#fjdkfdjkfd.#anyway. last week a trailer came out for something only called kidnap. which is hilarious because that's a blocked tumblr tag#it's a romance (with the kidnapper. who is secretly only doing it to pay a medical bill). i don't think it sounds or looks very good#& considering who is airing this and their history with Edgy Content the keyword here will probably be Bland. or maybe Toothless#but unfortunately...... tragically...... one of the leads is an actor i'll take in literally anything.#so i've spent my week periodically being attacked by this insignificant bit of knowledge and experiencing shrimp emotions#literally just. going about my day. thinking 'kidnap'. going OOF. then remembering i'm in the middle of brushing my teeth#also. i found out the original writer of bad romance & together with me is ALSO the writer of not me. and it's things like this#that would take like. twenty layers of explanation of these properties in general and also my takes on them specifically#and how it contrasts or aligns with their general perception. to even come CLOSE to explaining the mental hit i took from that#i need a corkboard and some red thread. and then probably three more corkboards#for day 1 that is. i think i have a week's worth of loosely connected spontaneous deep dive video essays i could do off the top of my head#ah well. the curse of having interests#*
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i would like mydei if he was a woman, but he's not, so i don't and i hope he dies. this is actually not hypocritical at all because i have seen 500 billion mydeis across so many stories over the years. Grouchy No-Nonsense Analytical Hardened Warrior Man Who Has A Funny Way Of Showing He Cares is nothing new i am literally so bored. HOWEVER you don't usually see women in this type of character archetype - not without wayyyyyy more attempts to soften her around the edges first, at least - so it would be rather subversive and fun. but we live in the worst timeline so this didn't happen and now i have a shirtless ab-bearing man on my screen and i don't want him there
#not impressed at all with phaidei either like i literally don't care#very interested in phainon himself but as soon as mydei enters the scene it's like oh my godddddddd GET OUT OF HEREEEEEEEEE#putting a shirt on that beast might also temper some of my dislike. i fucking hate abs dude#idk it's like. i rambled about it on twitter shortly after finishing the main quest and stuff but#i also have a lot of criticisms about the confused theming and messages they tried to send with mydei and castrum kremnos and nikador#like they couldn't figure out what they wanted to do. started doing One Thing and then pivoted halfway through#like they got scared to commit to the horrible-ness they established at the beginning#i'll bring THAT essay over later actually.. probably#that mess really soured my perception of mydei's character too because like . wow you guys almost did something pretty cool actually#you almost managed a thoughtful commentary on political and religious corruption and then you just didn't do that. because you're stupid#mydei miiiight grow on me later in the story but idk. i'm mad at him#usually need a man to give me about 10-15 reasons to like him but mydei needs to give me like 100#so far he has managed to give me approximately 5. to put how much ground he has to cover into perspective
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I think the way Top's behaviour towards Mew is being framed by the show and also talked about by fans is really interesting, especially in comparison with how Boston and Nick's actions have been framed/talked about.
Mew has told Top to leave him alone multiple times. he's made it explicitly, abundantly clear that he does not want to see Top or talk to him, and that he doesn't want his help. but Top continues to force himself into Mew's life - cornering him in the bathroom, showing up to his party, 'taking care' of him when Mew was too high to argue.
but the show doesn't seem to be presenting this behaviour as creepy or weird or boundary breaking, and I haven't seen any fan discussion framing it as such. Top's continued pursuit of Mew against Mew's wishes is not seen as aggressive/'predatory' in the way that Boston's pursuit of Top was, or pathetic in the way that Nick's continued pursuit of Boston now is, despite the actions being relatively similar.
as always, this isn't a criticism of Top's character being 'problematic' or whatever - I love that this show is messy and that the characters are not good people. it's more of an observation about how very similar behaviour is treated incredibly differently, both within the narrative of the show itself and by the fandom, when it happens within an established/'endgame' pairing verses outside of those established pairings.
#idk! this isn't the most coherent i'm just thinking#like you KNOWWWW if boston had undressed top and cuddled him when he was high/asleep#then we'd all be reading 10000 essays about what a predator he was#people just don't have that same perception of top and mew#only friends#only friends the series#ofts#darcey.txt#topmew
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Being Me
For the longest time, I really didn’t like myself. I knew, because I’d been told, that I wasn’t pretty or girlie. I wasn’t interested in dolls or fancy clothes, although, at the time, girls wore dresses pretty much everywhere. Because I was deficient in many, many ways, I understood that I was not the child that my parents wanted. That’s a hard cross to bear. And bear it I did, until…
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#Essay#essay about a true experience#essay about hope#essay about how we are perceived#essay about life#essay about life&039;s lessons#essay about perception#essay about perserverence#Essay and Thoughts#Feelings#Growing up#How we are perceived#loving yourself#perceptions#Thoughts#thoughts about life#thoughts on appearance
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(end of bad’s Acceptance vod, about 1:48:30)
no but im never going to be normal again. LOOK at this. look. IMMEDIATELY before this he gave a whole miserable speech at the graveyard about how much he misses the kids and how he wants them to come home. He was grieving so hard it started to rain. He cried while he sang to them. It was the perfect end to 5 days of grieving- and then he does this.
and the rain isnt about grief anymore- the thunder isnt a peaceful background to a heartbreaking scene. It is rage. the whole context changes. The storm raged on while he grieved like he raged during the Everything Else that happened (“there are a lot of federation workers on today. I need to interrogate them about some things” he said while he was following forever ALONE to distract him. he knew forever was fucked up and about to put more marriage pressure on him and for anyone else that would have been Terrifying. how could you focus on anything but that? but. bad was thinking about tormenting more federation workers)
i just!!!! its so good. its SO good its so scary its so good. bad hasnt accepted the loss of his children but he has accepted how far he will go to get them back. (he will do anything)
#qsmp#Ik someone else posted the clip but i could not find it again and i Needed to go insane#i still need to go insane#i need to pick up every little bit of his character and pin them up and write an essay on all of it#you know that entire nervous system that was preserved? i need to do that to him#im going to be SO annoying about bbh for the next while#like i can feel the brainworms setting in so hard i am GOING to get pov rot and get so excited about my perceptions of his character that i#twist him away from what he is#it will be in the name of understanding him but really i will trudge thru those roots and trip into hell#or maybe not maybe ill continue to have fun and cool character analysis#50/50 on whether or not it will be comprehensible tho i think the last 8 posts at least ive made about him are nonsense#its because he is a bastard#with too many moving parts. i need a diagram neatly laying out every q!bbhism ever#qsmp badboyhalo#qsmp clip
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the rituals are intricate and very comical
#idk what to focus on here. ron my guy dont you worry yourself about anything ❤️#your jealousy and resentment will lead you to make a mistake so big next year that it knocks enough sense into you for a lifetime#🔮 you will finally recognise your role as the glue that holds the trio together and you will vow to never abandon them again#only then will the circumstances be right for you discover that they both love you and need you🫵 as much as you love and need them 🔮☝️#that being said i did clock how flustered harry’s compliment made hermione and additionally#how harry blushed hearing hermione describe his romantic appeal.. id get scared too if i were ron. with or without inferiority complex#Also undeniably ron must agree with hermione that harry is ‘fanciable’ as fuck. or he wouldnt feel this threatened#also him gagging on his food after hearing someone verbalise this fact DHJDJ. you could of course chalk it all up to his crush on hermione#or you could add the very interesting layer of his own perception of harry to it#bc as i have wisely stated before in a previous post. ‘hee is obsessed with that harry kid’ <- i could write essays on this#but it boils down to the thin line between ‘i want to be that person’ and ‘i want to be WITH that person’#a very well known phenomenon amongst the members of the ‘in gay love with my best friend’ community#you can’t make this shit up. i don’t even have to try that hard to see romionarry in everything they just literally keep doing the work 4me#hp6#romionarry
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you know, if you think about it, zr 4th anniv card is actually both closer to an arc and also opener for new arc (musing in the tag)
help i hit the tag limit but yeah man, i have so much thought in general and tried to be as non spoilery as possible LOL
#tears of themis#tot#artem wing#zuo ran#musing more because i actually wanted to write essay about this arc they closed but realizing i need the 4th anniv card if i want#to do that#but honestly this arc actually something like i was waiting for since like..... belle nuit d'amour#yet this damn game let me down so bad durid third year beside belle nuit d'amour bakerlon and enduring light#anyway the arc is actually pretty obvious if you think about it and it's about zuo ran and what it means for him to walk in the same path o#career with his parents#what it means to be their child well belle nuit d'amour as you can see how much he has to be careful because this special circumstances#and in per aspera ad astra (god bless that card) how much he understand that perceptions of being their child can be used against him#and further enforced in 4th birthday card and actually Worse™ for him because he also end up almost being used as weapon to harm his father#in a way#and not only that in main story he was chasing after nie qiu trails while also the fact#jian yu using him as bargaining talk with nie qiu#if you really think about it he has been walking in the path where his parents (yes this include nie qiu) walked and fascinatingly#zuo linchuan and nie qiu has say “you have chosen different path” and “dont chase after me anymore”#so yeah you can say that 4th anniv card is closer of this arc while also strengthen artemrosa as partner (life and work)#and discussion of different path they take from an hua and zuo linchuan (as partner at work and life) and in a way this is also zuo ran#belated rebellion i guess#what does i mean well wait for the 4th anniv card ahssjj#but also yes opener of an arc#previously on what it means for zuo ran to be a child of his parents#next one will be#what it means for rosa to be zuo ran's partner#and this like.... in many way#exploration of it with him being senior attorney and well respected and how it affect people view on her as his partner but also how#she watch him upholding what is right and price he has to pay for it. truly year 5th artemrosa is catered to me so much sjsks#artemrosa partnership explorations and zr virtue.... his virtue that give both love and heartache. i love it so much
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"Minkowski's been talking about Sondheim again…": Minkowski's love of musical theatre and what it reveals about her characterisation and her relationships
TL;DR: Renée Minkowski's love of musicals, while it might seem just like a mundane character detail, is used to give depth to her character because it contrasts with expectations of her from both the listening audience and the other characters. Her willingness or unwillingness to share this interest in different circumstances reveals her relationships with other characters at various points. Since this is a long one, if you'd rather read it as a document, you can view it here: Google Doc version.
"She actually really cares about these talent shows": Episode 8 (Box 953)
In the early episodes of Season 1, Minkowski is presented (largely through Eiffel's unreliable perspective) purely as a strict no-nonsense authority figure without much emotional depth, the kind of person who only likes things that are useful, purposeful, or mandated by Command. In contrast, musical theatre is a creative pursuit that has nothing to do with the mission of the Hephaestus and is viewed by many people as fairly frivolous or silly. The gradual exploration of Minkowski's passion for musicals is one of the many ways that the show expands and challenges our understanding of her as a character.
The first indication that we get of her interest in musicals is through her entry into the infamous talent show, something that is required as part of the mission. Minkowski really cares about 'crew morale' activities in general, even when they actually have a negative effect on morale and even before she's friends with any of her crew (for example, the Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners in the earlier stage of the mission), perhaps partly because doing things in the "right way" is important to her.
But Eiffel senses that the talent shows aren't just about rules for her: "it’s bad enough when she makes us do something just because it’s military protocol, but I think that she actually really cares about these talent shows". This might be the first indication that we get of Minkowski caring deeply about anything that isn't inherently part of her role as a Commander. Moments like this are part of the gradual process of giving us insight into her character beyond the Commander archetype that she tries to embody. And yet, she only indulges her theatrical passion because something mandatory gives her permission, or an excuse, to let another part of herself out.
Of course, to satisfy the needs of a talent show, she'd only need to provide a performance of a few minutes. But Eiffel mentions "the second act of the play" - which along with Hera's comment that "Isabel isn't the biggest role in the play" - implies that Minkowski was intending to put on the whole of Pirates of Penzance as her talent show act, rather than a few of the songs or some kind of medley. (I suppose that Eiffel could be exaggerating or Minkowski might have been planning to do extracts from different parts of the play, but I prefer the interpretation in which Minkowski gets to be more ridiculous.)
Even though no one else would be willing to be in her production of Pirates of Penzance, Minkowski casts Hera as Isabel, a role with two lines and no solo singing. I found some audition notes for this play which said "The traditional staging gives [Isabel] more prominence than the solo opportunities of the part suggest, so she must be a good actress" which does make me sad in relation to Hera's inability to have a more significant role by being physically present on stage.
It’s sweet that Hera still wants to take part though. She tells Eiffel "Pirates of Penzance is a classic of 19th century comic opera", so either she’s absorbed what Minkowski has told her about the show, or she’s done her own research and formed her own opinions. I enjoy the fact that Hera is the one Hephaestus crew member who shows potential to share Minkowski's musical theatre appreciation; I like to think that this is something they could explore together post-canon.
Anyway, I'm obsessed with the idea that Minkowski was planning to play every character except one in Pirates of Penzance, a show which is designed to have 10 principal characters and a chorus of 14 men. It seems that her contribution to the talent show was supposed to be an entire two-hour two-act musical, with costumes and props, in which she would play almost all of the parts. This is very funny to me as the perhaps predictable consequence of giving an ambitious and frustrated grown-up theatre kid a position of authority and asking them to arrange a talent show. Minkowski knows that the audience will be made up of her subordinates who are theoretically obliged by the chain of command to watch and listen, so she absolutely tries to make the most of that opportunity. There's probably also a degree to which she limits other people's involvement in her musical because - as with her other endeavors - she wants the outcome to be almost entirely within her control (something that is usually pretty much impossible in as collaborative a medium as musical theatre).
Of course, Minkowski's behaviour in most of the talent show episode is affected by her being drugged by Hilbert. This creates an exaggerated situation which is the first real opportunity for Minkowski to be something other than the strict sensible authoritarian Commander and the foil to Eiffel's jokey laid-back attitude. I don't agree with ideas that being intoxicated brings out anyone's true self (especially in the absence of consent for the intoxication), but it seems pretty clear that being under the influence of whatever was in Hilbert's concoction caused Minkowski to fully commit to a level of manic enthusiasm for her musical production that might have otherwise been obscured by her professionalism. It's a particular kind of person who belts showtunes when drunk, and Minkowski is that kind of person, even if that's not how she wants to present herself. (As a sidenote, I seem to remember that they took Emma Sherr-Ziarko's script off her to help her sound more drunk. It's an excellent performance.)
Minkowski wants interval ice cream. She wants "pirate costumes" (and she'll threaten to shoot a man to get them). She wants "swashes and buckles". She wants whatever props she can get her hands on (including a real cannon). This show is important to her, even though only three other people will witness it and two of them actively don't want to be there. It’s important to her for its own sake.
Eiffel says Minkowski wants "a second pair of eyes to tell her if the prop sabre for her Major-General costume was a bit much…" While I certainly wouldn't put it past Goddard Futuristics to have a prop sabre on the station for no apparent reason, it feels more likely that she might have made it or adapted some existing item. Which suggests that maybe she was that passionate about the props even before Hilbert drugged her.
Even so, it does feel significant that Minkowski's love of musicals is only revealed in the episode in which she is drugged, exhibiting lowered inhibitions, exaggerated behaviour, and an "impaired euphoric effect". Her love of musical theatre is initially revealed through a professional structure that provides permission, and then further emphasised by a forced intoxication that exaggerates some impulses that perhaps she already had.
"Some hobbies other than making trains run on time": Episode 17 (Bach to the Future)
After Eiffel tells to find Minkowski to find something else to do while her work duties have quietened down, they have the following exchange:
EIFFEL: You must have some hobbies other than making trains run on time. Something to do with friends? Boyfriends? MINKOWSKI: Of course I do, but, well, there aren't really a lot of opportunities for rock climbing or trail hiking in the immediate vicinity.
Even though this quote doesn't mention musicals, I've included it here for two reasons. Firstly, it's very funny to me that, even after the talent show debacle, Eiffel acts like he's never had any evidence of Minkowski's hobbies. She tried to perform a whole play almost single-handedly and it didn't occur to him that this might indicate an interest of hers outside of work. I think this reflects the fairly two-dimensional view that Eiffel has previously had of Minkowski, which her interest in musical theatre didn't fit into.
Secondly, it feels notable that Minkowski doesn't mention musical theatre here. She wants to show that she has non-work interests, but without undermining her own authoritative image. Her interest in rock climbing and trail hiking - while it may be genuine - fits with how she wants to be seen as a Commander. These are hobbies which portray her as physically capable, with a high degree of stamina and a willingness to adapt to perhaps less hospitable surroundings. Of course, Minkowski does have these traits and they serve her well on the Hephaestus. But there's not really anything particularly surprising about her expressing these interests. The surprise in this scene comes from the reveal that she has a husband, a character detail which - like her love of musicals - isn't something we'd necessarily expect from the archetype-based view of her we are initially presented with.
Her interest in rock climbing and trail hiking never come up again, because these details don't really deepen her characterisation (or at least, they aren't really used to deepen her characterisation beyond proving that she isn't entirely all-work-and-no-play). In contrast, Minkowski's love of musicals is brought up over and over because it shows another side of her that she struggles to reveal on the Hephaestus, and that allows more interesting things to be done with her characterisation.
"You wanted to write showtunes": Episode 35 (Need to Know)
Alongside the more high stakes discoveries prompted by the leak from Kepler's files, we also learn that Minkowski applied to - and was rejected from - the Tisch Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program.
Up until this point, we've only had evidence that Minkowski enjoys performing in musicals. But here we learn that Minkowski doesn't just love watching or performing in musicals - she wanted to write them too. This suggests a creative side to her that we never see her fully express.
The course
The Tisch Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program claims to be the only course of its kind in the world and it accepts just 30 students each year. The current application process requires applicants to: upload play scripts or recordings of songs they've written; answer a large number of extended response questions about their creative process and views on musical theatre; write a 'statement of purpose' which has to talk about why they are applying and include 3 original ideas for musicals; provide a professional resume and a digital portfolio; complete an exercise of writing in response to a prompt; and undergo an interview. The process might have changed somewhat since Minkowski would have been applying (which, if it was soon after she finished college, might have been around the early 2000s) or it might be different in Wolf 359's alternate universe, but I think we can safely assume that applying to this course was a serious undertaking that required an intense amount of commitment and work.
Applying to a course like that isn't something you do half-heartedly or on a whim. You couldn't apply to this course if you hadn't done a fair amount of musical theatre writing already. (The course requires applicants to choose to apply as bookwriters, lyricists, or composers, but I'm not going to make a guess here as to which of these Minkowski went for.) The fact that Minkowski wanted to study this course suggests that she was seriously considering trying to make a career out of musical theatre writing. In Once In A Lifetime, she tells Cutter that commanding a space station has always been her dream job, but we've got evidence here that it wasn't her only dream job. There's something kind of funny and kind of sad about the idea that writing musicals was her back-up / fall-back career path. She does not like to make life easy for herself.
The revelation
This information is revealed against Minkowski's will. It's not something she wanted people to find out, and she isn't happy about them knowing:
JACOBI: "Dear Renée, thank you for your interest in the Tisch Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program..." MINKOWSKI: Oh, come on! JACOBI: (pressing on) "We are sorry to say, we will not be able to offer you a spot in this year's blah blah blah." Oh this is too good. You wanted to write showtunes? MINKOWSKI: Number one? Shut up. Number two, why are my personal records on there?! [...] How is it in any way relevant?! JACOBI: Oh, I think it's very relevant. I mean, if you're sending someone to pilot ships in deep space, you want to make sure that they can, you know... paint with all the colors of the wind. Jacobi CRACKS UP - and, although to a lesser degree, so does Lovelace. Minkowski looks at her: really? LOVELACE: Sorry, Minkowski. It's... it's a little funny. MINKOWKSI: No, it isn't!
Minkowski seems defensive and embarrassed here. She obviously doesn't trust everyone there with this revelation (Jacobi, Maxwell, Lovelace, and Hera are all present). She considers this information to be "personal" and irrelevant and not even "a little funny". She's used to reactions like Jacobi's (and to a lesser extent Lovelace's); in Ep41 Memoria, she says "most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals" (see below for more thoughts about this quote). But the fact that these mocking reactions are expected doesn't mean that they don't bother her. She wants so badly to be taken seriously and, in this scene, her interest in musical theatre seems to be incompatible with that. Jacobi reacts the way that he does because of the idea that I've already expressed, that a passion for musical theatre does not fit with the serious authoritative image that Minkowski has often presented. It's not the typical hobby of a soldier, especially not a Commander.
To me, the way Lovelace laughs suggests that she might not have previously known about Minkowski's love of musicals, or at least perhaps not the full extent of it. At any rate, it's definitely news to Jacobi. And Minkowski clearly hasn't talked about it enough for it not to feel like a big reveal for her.
The rejection
It's notable that this reveal is not just that she wanted to write for the stage, but also that she failed to get into a course that might have helped her work towards that goal. This of course compounds Minkowski's discomfort at having this information revealed. Not only did she want to write showtunes, but she encountered rejection in her attempts to do so. This detail implies that perhaps it wasn't just the appeal of her spacefaring dream that stopped her going down a theatrical career path.
I'm about to move more into headcanon territory rather than just straightforward analysis, but I personally believe that, while Minkowski auditioned for a lot of musicals (particularly as a child / young person), she was never cast as the main role. She seems embarrassed about her interest in musical theatre in a way that (at least judging by people I've encountered) people who were always the lead in their school / college productions don't tend to be.
We don't have much evidence about her actual level of singing/acting ability, given that she is inebriated during the only time we hear her sing in the podcast. However, it resonates with other aspects of her characterisation to imagine that Minkowski was generally good enough to get an ensemble part but never quite good enough to be cast as a main part. I think she might see only ever being cast as part of the ensemble, and failing to get into the Tisch Musical Theatre Writing programme, as slightly more down-to-earth examples of the same pattern as her repeated rejections from NASA. She is desperate to prove herself. She is "someone who very much wants to matter. To do something important." When she casts herself as almost every part in Pirates of Penzance, she is finally taking the opportunity to be a main character, an opportunity which I imagine had been denied to her over and over in both a literal and metaphorical sense.
"It's just from a play I saw once": Episode 41 (Memoria)
The next scene I want to talk about is from a memory of Hera's, which took place on Day 57 of the Hephaestus mission and in which Minkowski appears to be talking about the Stephen Sondheim musical Sunday in the Park with George:
MINKOWSKI: Oh, it's just from a play I saw once. It doesn't matter. (BEAT) The guy who sings it is this famous French painter. And his entire life is kinda falling apart. But he can always turn what's happening around him into these beautiful paintings. HERA: And? MINKOWSKI: And... That's, I don't know. Reassuring, maybe? (BEAT) I don't know why I'm going on about this. You don't care. HERA: I think it's interesting. MINKOWSKI: Yeah? Most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals. HERA: I don't see what's funny about it. MINKOWSKI: Well, thank you Hera, but you're not exactly... you know. HERA: I'm not... what?
There's a couple of different things I want to pick out from this exchange. Firstly, the line "Most people think it's hilarious that I like musicals" makes me sad. I don't think she's talking about people on the Hephaestus there. Judging by the quote I talked about from Bach to the Future, Eiffel definitely wouldn't have registered Minkowski's love of musicals at this stage, and I doubt Hilbert cares at all about the hobbies of his fellow crew members. So Minkowski is talking about experiences that she's had on Earth, of people mocking her interest in musicals and thinking it doesn't fit with who she is. You can hear the impact of those experiences in Minkowski's reluctance to elaborate, in the way she says that something she obviously cares about doesn't matter, in her assumption that Hera doesn't care.
Secondly, this scene is a complicated one for Minkowski and Hera's relationship. On the one hand, Minkowski freely talks to Hera about something she's passionate about, and Hera listens and expresses interest. Hera validates Minkowski's interest in musical theatre without making a thing of it being weird and Minkowski thanks her. Again, it’s shown as an interest they could could potentially share.
But on the other hand, it seems like part of the reason Minkowski feels able to open up to Hera is because at this point Minkowski doesn't see opening up to Hera as fully equivalent to opening up to a fellow human. She doesn't just accept Hera not making fun of her interest; instead it seems Minkowski is about to imply that this lack of judgment indicates Hera's difference from humans (although she does have the decency not to say it outright). Minkowski's expectation of judgment from others contributes to her saying something very hurtful to Hera here. (This kind of potential consequence of negative self-attitude is explored a lot with Eiffel, so it's interesting that Minkowski can sometimes have a similar issue.)
Minkowski and Hera's conversation is interrupted when:
The DOOR OPENS. EIFFEL: Hey, Minkowski, we've - What are you guys talking about? MINKOWSKI: We were just discussing how I'm going to take away your hot water privileges if you don't reset the long-range scan.
Eiffel can obviously tell that he's walked in on a conversation that is about something other than work, or he wouldn't have asked. But Minkowski actively chooses not to tell him that she was talking to Hera about musicals. Perhaps she doesn't know how to open up to a human subordinate about it. Perhaps she doesn't trust him not to make fun of her. Perhaps she just doesn't have any impulse to talk about her interests with him. Either way, if Minkowski's love of musicals is something which reflects a side of her personality outside of her Commander role, this is a moment where she chooses not to take an opportunity to share that side of herself with Eiffel. This reflects the emotional distance between them three months into the mission, which forms a nice contrast with the next couple of quotes I'm going to talk about.
"Composition. Balance. Harmony.": Episode 54 (The Watchtower)
When Eiffel comes directly face to face with alien life, he discovers that music is the human invention that fascinates the Dear Listeners:
EIFFEL: You haven't figured out music? BOB: ORDER. DESIGN. TENSION. COMPOSITION. BALANCE. HARMONY. EIFFEL: (low, to himself) Minkowski's been talking about Sondheim again…
I only learned in the course of writing this post that in this moment the Dear Listeners are almost exactly quoting a repeated phrase used throughout Sunday in the Park with George. The titular protagonist lists various combinations of these qualities in multiple songs in reference to his art. In the closing song, the lyrics are "Order. Design. Tension. Composition. Balance. Light. [...] Harmony." It's not only Eiffel's references that the Dear Listeners are incorporating into their speech - they've picked this one up from Minkowski. This also suggests that some element of her appreciation for musicals and the way she talks about them has fed into the Dear Listeners' understanding of the human phenomenon of music. The Dear Listeners aren't just parroting - they understood the quote enough that they left out the word "light", arguably the only quality in that phrase which isn't a big part of music as well as visual art. Eiffel likes music too, but I don't think that this is how he'd talk about his favourite songs.
This is a refrain about finding order and beauty out of the chaos and uncertainty of life, which was also the aspect of Sunday in the Park with George that Minkowski focused on when talking about it in Memoria. It suggests that art/music could be something governed by rules and principles, which is potentially something that appeals both to Minkowski and to the Dear Listeners.
Eiffel's response to this reference is one of those little hints that reminds us that Eiffel and Minkowski have spent a lot of time together and that not all of that time has involved them being at each others' throats or actively in a life-or-death situation. Some of it has just been Minkowski going on about a musical she loves and Eiffel (willingly or not) paying enough attention that he recognises this phrase as a Sondheim quote that Minkowski has talked about. I suppose that this quote might have been in Eiffel's pop-culture-brain anyway, but judging from Eiffel's general tastes and the fact that I don't think Sunday in the Park with George is one of the more commonly known Sondheim musicals among non-musical fans, it seems more likely that this quote is something he only knows because Minkowski has talked about it.
Eiffel sounds exasperated at the mention, like he's heard Minkowski talk about Sondheim far too much. But I'd argue that this still says something positive about their relationship, when we contrast it with a couple of other moments I've already mentioned. Firstly, when her previous musical theatre ambitions are revealed to Jacobi, Maxwell, and Lovelace in Need to Know, Minkowski seems embarrassed and defensive. Secondly, in the memory from Memoria, she avoids telling Eiffel that she was talking about this same musical. Yet, by the time The Watchtower takes place, Eiffel is sick of hearing Minkowski talk about Sondheim. She doesn't have the same barriers up in sharing her interests with him, even though he doesn't have the same interests. I think this is a demonstration of how comfortable she feels with him. It's a hint at the kind of easy downtime that they've sometimes shared.
"One day more": Episode 61 (Brave New World)
Eiffel recognises another musical reference of Minkowski’s in the finale. As the crew are preparing for their final confrontation with Cutter and co., Minkowski quotes Les Misérables, mostly to herself - but Eiffel recognises the lyrics and joins in:
EIFFEL: Hey - chin up, soldier. We're almost through. Just one more day, and then we're done. MINKOWSKI: Yeah, one more day. (more to herself) The time is now, the place is here - one day more. EIFFEL: - one day more. They both stop, dead in their tracks. MINKOWSKI: Did you just - ? EIFFEL: Was that what I - ? They look at each other: No way. And BURST INTO LAUGHTER. EIFFEL: Man... this is really it, huh? The end of everything.
It feels really important that Minkowski and Eiffel share this moment of togetherness before she tries to send him back to Earth and before the rest of the action goes down. I think there’s some nice symbolism about them finding a way to communicate that they both understand. Making references is Eiffel's thing, and musicals are Minkowski's thing, so this is a synthesis of their two approaches. Again, there's a contrast with Minkowski's previous unwillingness to share her musical theatre passions with Eiffel (at least without the mitigating circumstances of a mandatory talent show and some kind of intoxicating substance).
I talked about the significance of the fact that they reference this particular musical in this post from ages ago. I don't think it's too much of a spoiler for Les Misérables to say that the revolution that the song One Day More is building up to does not end well for the revolutionaries. When Eiffel says "Just one more day, and then we're done", it encompasses both the possibility that the crew will escape to travel back to Earth and the possibility that they will all die. Minkowski's reference to a famously tragic musical suggests that it's the latter possibility that's at the forefront of her mind (right before she tries to send Eiffel away from the danger). But Les Misérables is also a story about people standing together in solidarity against powerful oppressive forces, which gives particular resonance to the way that this reference brings Eiffel and Minkowski together in a moment of being completely on the same wavelength as they prepare to fight Cutter and Pryce's plan.
When they laugh here, it's not about the 'hilariousness' of Minkowski's interest in musicals, it's about their unexpected unison - Eiffel's recognition of Minkowski's reference and Minkowski's surprise at the fact he joined in. It's a laugh of togetherness, of shared understanding, of friendship. It's a moment of lightness in dark times. And that moment is provided by Minkowski's pop culture interests, not Eiffel's. In spite of all they've been through, she's not lost that part of herself, and in fact, she's more open about it, at least to Eiffel.
I'll finish by highlighting what Eiffel says when he's trying to get into character to impersonate Minkowski so he can turn the Sol around:
EIFFEL: Umm... yes, this is Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski. I'm... uh... well I sure love schedules, and, uh, musicals. And that man, who I married…
I just think this is a nice example of Eiffel not defining Minkowski solely by her professional Commander role. Sure, she likes schedules (probably in a personal as well a professional capacity to be fair), but she also loves musicals, and her husband. It is a fairly reductive overview of her as a person, but it feels reductive in a fond way, like these things are part of Minkowski's brand to Eiffel in a way that he might affectionately tease her about. (Credit to @commsroom for this thought.) His view of Minkowski has come a long way from "our resident Statsi agent" or even just "you must have some hobbies other than making trains run on time." He doesn't see any contradiction or inherent humour in Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski's appreciation of musicals.
Conclusion
Minkowski's love of musical theatre is used to deepen her characterisation and is one of the ways in which we gradually begin to see her complexity beyond the strict Commander archetype. The degree to which she is prepared to share this interest at various points is used to illustrate the nature of her relationships with other characters: a general unwillingness to show a less serious side of herself; a complicated potential shared interest with Hera; and the growing understanding between her and Eiffel.
If you read this whole thing, well done / thank you 😄 It wasn't meant to be this long - it just happened… Feel free to share your thoughts!
#It's Minkowski Essay Time again!#This is over 4700 words and still doesn't cover it all...#I hadn't quite realised there was so much to say!#Wolf 359#w359#If anyone is more familiar with 'Sunday in the Park with George' and has thoughts on why it might particularly appeal to Minkowski#I'd be interested to hear#I listened to the soundtrack and read the Wikipedia plot summary#but I don't think I really got it#My other significant bit of research was that#in order to see what applying to the Tisch Graduate Musical Theatre Writing Program involves#I had to create an account as if I was actually applying#which might be the oddest thing I've done for character analysis#If it interests anyone I could do a post with more detail about that application process#cos it looks insanely intense#Renée Minkowski#Renee Minkowski#the empty man posteth#I hope no one takes things I have said here as critical of musical theatre people btw#I'm just talking about general perceptions#In general I do enjoy musicals myself from an audience perspective
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haii, what do you say about colin's love languages
Hey!! Oh, okay. I actually think about this quite often and I'm going to take the opportunity to share my thoughts regarding each language (big rant incoming lol, sorry!!)
Physical Touch - I don't see him as someone very physically affectionate. He's not the one who usually initiates the contact when it happens, at least. When the other person wants to do something like laying their head on his shoulder or similar he doesn't mind much or maybe quietly appreciates a bit depending on their intimacy level (with Kitty for example considering they have an established long-term relationship) but it barely goes further than this asides from sex, and also he has his limits and doesn't engage in lovey-dovey cuddling or being too cheesy and clingy. He's definitely not the PDA type though, a hand behind the shoulder or over the leg/thigh at best.
Quality Time - His most definitive love language in my opinion. I see him as someone who takes interest in people he can form sort of intellectual connection with, so if he likes someone and considers them worthy of his time he will enjoy spending time talking to them and engaging in deep and meaningful conversations, and actually appreciates being in their presence even if they're not necessarily talking or doing something else just being high and listening to Tangerine Dream.
Acts of Service - Well, this one is a bit tricky to me. I think it mostly depends of the situation and the task in hand. And also his mood. For example, I think he helps Kitty sometimes with the chores at home when he has time and it's not as high as a rocket and some other minor stuff she asks him to do. But if it comes to something like, Stefan asking him to help him code, he'd answer probably "You have to learn it by yourself, mate" or something like it. It wouldn't totally be just because he's a bitter asshole but also I think he's someone who rathers let people "struggle" so they can get to know stuff on their own, yk. And also because he's a bitter asshole. But if he doesn't want to do something he hardly will do it.
Words of Affirmation - Eh... "I'm a big fan of your work" X "you lack confidence and you look like you're ashamed to exist". He's just brutally raw and honest. If he appreciates something he will say it, but if he thinks it's shit he will say it too. I can picture him trying not to go too hard on Stefan for example and trying to help boost his self confidence a bit but he will always say what's really on his mind and never something he doesn't actually mean it. But he won't restrain himself from saying nice stuff if it's what he's really thinking. It's a bit of a yes-no to me.
Gifts - He's rich so spending money isn't really an issue for him. But I think he's more of a "I brought you this because it may be useful to you somehow" type rather than "I brought you this because it reminded me of you/I care for you". Like when he recorded Jerome's documentary and gave it to Stefan or gave him LSD so he would understand people think there's one reality but there's loads of them all sna-. It's not a big sign of affection and not something he does oftenly but like, it's a bit cute because it will be something regarding what he judges the other person needs. and may lead to psychosis but what's a small detail.
#queer people and their essays about a niche character with 20 minutes of screentime#but these are all my own perceptions ofc if you have different thoughts you can share!!#I didn't really write everything EVERYTHING because then it would really become a big essay lol#but that makes most of it and yeah quality time is his love language if I had to pick one#colin ritman#bandersnatch#black mirror
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