#especially when your work requires that sort of stuff
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betterbemeta · 16 hours ago
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don't let the bad news (evil executive orders, play by play of obvious corrupt schemes, etc.) tire you out but here's the thing.
this is not the time to 'wait,' or 'hunker down' or 'take a break.'
I know that fact plays havoc with people who have anxiety, or have ADHD or experience mania, etc. It can be difficult for many people to handle 'urgency' without it feeling like
they are being screamed at maximum volume to have already done 'everything'
but also to do it right now
and also they're already a failure
and also they can fail worse or harder, etc. etc.
I understand these feelings. But we must navigate urgency now and fragility is unfortunately not an option. Increasingly 'breaking' doesn't mean another adult fixes it for you, it means 'swept into the trash.' I understand that many people need support to confront this reality, but accessing that support also takes work, unlike an algorithm it will never 'find you.' Not falling through the cracks is not always voluntary but we want to maximize the cases where it is.
And we can talk about how the removal of safety nets is a strategy to ensure as many people smash against the ground as possible. But not on this post.
The thing is, there is no material difference between the behavior that a violent ruling party wants us to do (stay put due to obedience) and the action that the 'freeze' reaction to danger wants us to do (stay put to conserve energy/endure pain).
Even if we frame it as 'needing a rest' or 'self-care,' every significant delay to critical tasks is still a delay that could have an impact on us. Moving forward is self care right now, and will be community care if we do it in groups.
It is the strategy of oppression to make moving at all feel so overwhelming that you believe you only have the strength to hide away as they do whatever they want.
Many people will relinquish their autonomy this way, sometimes even actively.
the creepy tradwife lifestyle is bait for overwhelmed women, that a Husband will take half of the artificially overwhelming responsibility of independence away from you, in exchange for being a robot that automates HIS independence. Which he believes he needs, if he can't afford to pay a servant!
The military benefits when poverty is un-survivable with dead ends, to-dos, shit jobs, waiting lists, especially for people who have been screwed over education, that giving yourself to a cult seems like a good deal. They house, feed, clothe you, they give you directions in a world that abandoned you! You can trade up 'get a job lazy poor' to 'god bless you for your service!' (don't ask veterans if they can eat that.)
But being overwhelmed can still cause you to give up autonomy passively. Especially if you are alone or feel alone.
You don't need to do everything all at once but make serious (incremental, sane, well-paced) goals to do things you may want to accomplish like
get your bank account or financial stuff sorted out,
apply for a passport,
change your name/get married/similar processes,
get on unemployment (may also require proof of weekly job applications depending on where you live),
go to the doctor,
renew your lease or move house,
whatever you need to do. This isn't an exhaustive list.
Pencil in your Saturdays and don't bail, is what I mean.
Make buddies and teams.
Start a group chat.
Whatever works.
As long as it does and you can hold proof of it. Not a 'I sent an email' or 'i left a message,' you MUST follow up. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry ok. I know. You're ALREADY doing so many things, I know! Me too. I know it sounds like your parents or like "pull up your pants and clean your room!" or like someone's disappointed in you. But nobody is, or they shouldn't be. And this isn't about bootstraps: nobody will participate collectively if you don't. If you wait for there to be a puller upper group, there won't be one. you have to decide to do that thing tomorrow. Even if you're tired and did so many other things today. You have to tell your friends. I KNOW. I know.
these plans and actions will give you a 'tomorrow' and that is critical right now. It is the whole goal of those who oppose you to deny you that. To make them work for it, we have to also work for ourselves.
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haveihitanerve · 6 days ago
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No okay but you guys don’t understand- the way SFTH bois are always always whether on purpose or not, in sync is everything I’ve ever wanted in life its so fucking cute-
Like when they’re doing expert, obviously the three are trying their best to be together, or mimic the same thing the previous person has gesticulated
But also- when they’re casually sitting in the wings, on opposite sides, watching the main stage, they’ll lean together in sync
They’ll cross their legs at the same time
Sam and Luke push back their hair together
AJ and Luke lean in the same direction when they laugh
Tom and Sam dip their heads to hide a laugh or disappointed at the same time
They follow hand movements, step backwards together, blend and flow around each other with such perfect synchronization you think its scripted
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plumipal · 8 months ago
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I just had a thought- how would Grim and the ramshackle ghosts feel about all the stuff happening to us?
Especially if the yandere(s) are coming over to our dorm too! Would they, depending on the severity of the yandere and their specific actions, range from supporting it cuz yknow reader gets to be happy with someone who treats them well and loves them to concerned because sweetie please get yourself outta there 😭
I can imagine Grim is NOT alright with it and for a multitude of reasons, they are taking away your time with HIM, and once he pays more attention to the bigger picture? Yeah messed up things be occasionally happening that could very well hurt you!! He does not like that!!!
im just imagining Grim being visibly not alright and reader will not have it either when it comes to him, they are a PACKAGE deal and that is that no matter which yandere comes their way 🗣️
we have many people more alright with Grim being reader’s number one priority, or yknow silently(?) wishing it was them, poor Grim and Reader man encountering yandere after yandere 😭
Grim would give us a look if we expressed any sort of romantic interest in any yandere I think lol
‘Pologies if it was too long or ranty, though I am curious who you think would be the most and least alright with this? I imagine Leona and Ace (legally required to bring up Ace he’s my all time fav next to Grim) would NOT like it lmao
.. first off, this is the longest ask ive ever gotten, I gotta just say oml thank you so much????? You, wrote all of this, fpr me?? 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖 this literally made my week thank you so much bestie 🥹😭 second off, this inspired me to rant too, I hope you enjoy!- (not proofread btw)
So im mainly gonna focus on grim, no offence to ramshackle ghost fans, I just really like the silly little fire-cat/rat/weasel/creature. He was literally our first friend, our first companion (I bet Ace and grim bicker on who was your first).
And oh boy, guy is NOT HAPPY when he sees all these dumbasses vying for your attention and either trying to butter him up with tuna (which will not work on the mighty grim!) or ugnore him completely! Like you stated you and him are a package deal! Get the prefect and get their silly hungry companion!!
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Now, grim surely uses his position as your closest companion as a safety net, they can't kill off the closest you have to family in this world! Guess they gotta live with him if they wanna have a life with you.
Ace hates that grim was your friend before him, feeling annoyed whenever he bullied (Juice) Deuce about being friends with you before him only for grim to butt in. Ace isn't too annoyed with grim though, and grim thinks that Ace is one of the better choises of the roster you have, they're both friends after all.
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Of course most students in the cast don't liek "sharing" you with grim, especially the more territorial ones. Leona is probably the worst, I mean come on they're both feline looking creatures. With scent being a heavy thing for felines (yes even beastmen dont come at me) Leona is not happy to have his scent on you be muddied by the little rodent (the greatest mage of all, grim). Probably the worst choise since they're just gonna bicker to the end of the world..
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Floyd doesn't like this either! Not fair that he has to share!! And with grim no less.. Floyd results in biting you instead of scenting, his chompers being good for nibbling on you. He also has the advantage that grim is sorta afraid of him (honestly who wouldn't be? Especially yan Floyd...).
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Kalim tries to brime grim, with anything he could ever think off! Unlimited tuna for grim, and the best there is as well!! Nything grim could ever want on a silver platter, only if grim let's kalim marry you! That alone doesn't sound too bad, but that unsettling horrifying servant that follows Kalim around. He knows what jamil can do, and he sure does NOT want you with that dude!- guy is manipulative and creepy (he would definelty seperate you and grim!-)
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Malleus... Malleus scares grim, guys is honestly horrifying. Threatening to curse him into an eternal slumber so he can whisk you away from him, he doesn't want that! You would also get sad id malleus did that, so luckily the possessive dragon had to share (for now...)
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Whoever you choose, grim would probably disapprove, guy thinks of you as family (he will never admit that tho). He cares about you, and he is not okay with the invasion of privacy from these teenagers! >:(
I know you didn't ask fpr any drawing or such, but I couldn't help myself sorry 🤭 hope you like my ramblings back at you!
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shadowkoo · 5 months ago
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Just Dance It Off
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→ Summary: You're over the moon when you land the female lead in the end-of-semester show. It feels like your hard work has finally paid off, everything is going great. Well, until you learn who your partner is…
↠ jimin x f.reader | 9.5k words | 18+ ↠ genre: smut, angst, fluff, ballet dancers au, enemies to lovers, performing arts college au
→ Warnings: explicit and unprotected sex, jealousy, masturbation, alcohol consumption, underage drinking, use of fake ID, mild exhibitionism, creampie, hair pulling, angry sex, nipple play, degradation, dirty talk, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, multiple smut scenes, heavy teasing & banter, edging, orgasm denial, light choking
→ Author Note: This is a rewrite of an old 2019 fic of mine, so I hope you enjoy the newest version! If you’d like to read this on ao3 instead it’s been crossposted here! Also a biiiiiiig thank you so Sarah @caelesjjk for beta editing this for me. Go show her some love if you aren't already following her! As always, all likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated <3
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“Oh, no,” you hear one of the dancers behind you whisper to another, “Look who’s walking in.”
Your curiosity gets the best of you as you casually stretch, your eyes betraying you by glancing over your shoulder toward the door, dying to see who they’re talking about. You recognize him almost immediately and the whispers continue to grow about the slender male who is walking across the room to set his stuff down.
Park Jimin.
Of course, he would be auditioning for this show. It’s his final semester, and you really should have seen this coming. Especially since you knew he was bound to get whatever position he was auditioning for. That’s a given.
Park Jimin always gets whatever he wants in life; whether that be a specific role in a performance, who his performance partners are both on the stage…and in the bedroom, that sort of thing. He’s the most pretentious person you’ve ever met, seeing as he acts like he is God’s gift to the dance world, and you’re already dreading any interaction you’ll have with him.
Rumor has it that his daddy, former dancer and sponsor, paid his way into Juilliard, but as much as you hate to admit it, he (unfortunately) happens to be very talented and you doubt the school didn’t already have something lined up for him, regardless of who his family is. Unlike you, who was on the waitlist for two months and had to take out a loan worth more than your life to attend this school.
Your eyes meet his and Jimin does a once-over before moving onto the people to your left. What a prick.
“Y/N!” a voice yells from the entryway. Your familiar, freckled, redheaded best friend is quickly prancing towards you.
“I’m so happy to see you here,” Catalina squeals before hugging you tightly. “What part are you auditioning for? Please tell me it’s lead. God, I miss you. It sucks that we don’t have any classes together this semester. How are you?”
You hug your petite friend back, “I miss you too! Please tell me that you’re not also auditioning for lead, I don’t want to be judged against you. Your pirouettes are perfect compared to my lousy ones.”
Her laugh echoes through the room. “Apparently you didn’t hear about my recent tumble,” she jokes, bumping her shoulder into yours. “I’ll gladly be in the background after my solo-gone-wrong.”
“Alright, everyone!” One of the male judges calls out, walking past the lineup of dancers to collect everyone’s entry form. “We’ll start with the routine you were required to memorize as a group, and then it will be individual evaluations after. Make sure your numbers are secured and let’s line up outside the door.”
After taking your place and getting into position with the rest of the packed room, you wait for the cue to begin. The routine is short and simple, and years of practice have made some of the required moves second nature.
Before you know it, the judges are escorting people out the door for the individual sessions.
You're about twentieth in line, right behind Cat. That makes you a bit nervous because, even though she’s not auditioning for the lead role, her impressive skills might land her a more prominent part than the one she’s aiming for.
Everyone else is quietly chatting in line while you do your best to relax, working through your routine in your mind. This is one of your pre-audition rituals. It always helps with easing your nerves.
By the time you finish running through a couple of full-outs in your head, you’re second in line. You wish Cat good luck as she’s ushered into the dance studio. Her five minutes go by almost too quickly, but she exits with a happy smile.
“Hey, good luck! Kill it, okay?”
You nod, quickly following after the woman who calls your name next.
“Miss Y/N, it says here that you’re auditioning for the female lead. As a sophomore?” Mr. Jenson, one of your dance professors and judge, questions. You prepared for this. It’s very uncommon for an underclassman to try out for such a prestigious role.
“Yes, sir. That’s correct.” You hold your head high.
“Well, I have to say I’m quite impressed with your confidence. Whenever you’re ready.”
You wait for the familiar beginning notes of Tchaikovsky’s Waltz Of The Flowers to play before flying effortlessly through your well-practiced routine. You’re banking on the emotional state of your dancing along with the technical moves you’ve included to impress the judges, and based on their faces when you finish, you figure you did just that. You can’t help but grin widely as you watch the four of them scribble furiously onto the sheets of paper. That’s a really good sign.
“I have to say, I was a little thrown off in the beginning by your song choice since it’s so, hmm, how do I say this, so amateur. But I was very surprised by what you chose to express and the level at which you dance,” the first judge says.
“Yes, the lines you created with your body were very exquisite,” another praises.
You nodded, taking in their advice and criticism.
“Thank you, Miss Y/N, you may exit.” Mr. Jenson says with a smile.
As soon as you step out the door and exhale, you feel a sense of relief. The excitement of your successful audition courses through you, filling you with good energy.
You find Cat stretching in the warm-up room next door.
“Oh my god, you got it. Didn’t you?” She squeals the second she sees your face.
“I don’t know…” You have a pretty good idea based on their responses and comments but aren’t positive.
“Oh, please,” she rolls her eyes, “That’s your ’I just nailed my audition’ face. You totally got it.”
“I hope so. God, wouldn’t that be so insane? When was the last time an underclassman got the lead?”
Someone behind you scoffs; you look over your shoulder and see that it’s Jimin. Your eyes narrow at him, but Cat turns you back before you go off on him. “Not worth it, the rest of us seniors think it’s great that you’re trying for a top spot. How about we go get a drink from the vending machine while we wait?”
You nod before grabbing your warm-up bag and follow her out. “I can’t believe him. He’s so stuck up,” You grumble once you’re far enough away that no one but Cat can hear you.
“He’s always like that, just be thankful that you don’t share any classes with him.”
You’ve heard that Jimin is usually the center of attention in class, whether it’s his choice or not, so you can’t imagine being stuck in one with him. It sounds like it would be impossible to get good feedback if the teachers only care about him.
After you both buy the drinks that you want, you head back. The line is smaller but it will still be at least a half-hour until everyone has had their turn. You sigh impatiently and head back into the warm-up room.
Deciding to sit along the mirrored wall, you rummage through your bag to find a pair of headphones and put your favorite playlist on shuffle while you wait. Even though it feels like half the day goes by while you’re sitting there waiting, it’s really only been about an hour.
Everyone’s attention lands on Madam Jamie, one of the contemporary dance professors, when she asks everyone to re-enter the audition room.
“Okay,” she starts once everyone gets in line, “Those whose numbers I am about to call, please step forward. Dancers eleven, one fifty-three, one forty-seven, seventeen, thirty-eight, twenty-two, and one ten.”
Cat gives you a concerned look as she steps forward without you.
“Seventy-two, fifteen, sixty-eight, thirty, thirty-four, eighty-two, one twenty-one–” you step forward and sigh in relief once she spoke your number. Tuning out the rest of the numbers called, you smile at Cat as she reaches for your hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
“Everyone else, I’m sorry to inform you that you have not been selected. Thank you for your time,” She finishes, resting her clipboard against her chest.
Those who didn’t make the cut are escorted out as Mr. Jenson stands up to make an announcement.
“I have everyone’s part listed here,” He shakes the paper in his hand. “It’ll be left on this table for you all to look over. However, I want to first congratulate you all. We are excited to have this much talent for the semester’s exhibition show. We have some great things planned and cannot wait to get started with you all. Please take note of our rehearsal schedule. Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Eight to noon. Most of you should not have conflicting schedules as all dance classes are held in the afternoon anyway, although if you do have a problem just stay after and we can work it out. Madam Jamie and I will see you back here Monday morning. Dismissed.”
You and Cat both wait until more people clear out of the room before you have the guts to read the paper.
Catalina Wilde - Corps de ballet
Your eyes wander across the page as you search for your name.
Y/N - Lead Female Soloist
Turning towards each other, you squeal “Oh my god,” at the same time.
“I can’t believe it. We both got what we wanted,” you excitedly rush out.
“I know, this never happens. Oh, I’m so excited!” She reaches for your hand and squeezes it again, picking up the paper with her other hand.
“Oh, no.” She turns the paper towards you, “Look who your partner is.”
Park Jimin - Lead Male Soloist
You huff, “Of course, I’m not surprised.” You turn your head and search the mostly-empty room for him. You have a feeling he’s still here, it’s like you can sense his presence.
“Cat! You coming?” the group of dancers near the door asks.
“Shoot, I’ve got to head to my next session. I’ll see you later, okay?” Cat says, giving you a quick hug as she runs out the door.
Leaving just you and Jimin.
Deciding to let go of your prejudice against Jimin, you figure the best move would be to congratulate him on getting the part he auditioned for.
He watches blankly from the mirrored wall as you walk towards him.
Once in front of him, you stick your hand out. “Hey congrats, I’m looking forward to–” you begin before he rudely cuts you off by holding up his hand.
“Yeah, whatever,” he sneers, “We need to take this extremely seriously so I expect you to be at our rehearsals an hour early so we can get in extra time,” he looks you over again, “From what I can tell you’re gonna need it.”
“Also,” apparently he isn’t finished, “I expect that you’ll be taking care of your diet from here on out since I’m going to be lifting you and I don’t want my arms to give out, or worse, snap.”
“Well, you can always go to the gym and work on that yourself,” you say defensively. What a jerk.
“So can you, sweetheart.”
“Uh, wow. Okay…” Here you are trying to congratulate him and here he is treating you like dirt. “Guess the rumors are true,” you mutter as you shift your duffel strap further up your shoulder, turning to leave.
“Excuse me?” Well, shit. He wasn’t supposed to hear that part. You look him in the eyes without showing any regret for your previous statement.
His eyes narrow at you, clearly not liking your RBF, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Sorry.” However, you aren’t.
“You know,” he remarks, “I don’t care about what you’ve heard about me or what you think about me. I care if you’re going to be too immature for this role and if that’s the case I’ll have no trouble replacing you.” He follows you out the audition room.
Oh boy, you’re pissed now. You turn around and get right in his face.
“What the fuck? In case you haven’t noticed, you aren’t in charge here. Just because you’re a senior and I’m a sophomore doesn’t make you any better than me,” you bark while shoving a finger in his chest.
“Secondly, I don’t need to believe the rumors because you’ve just proven them to be true. You’re an ass to all of your partners to the point that they don’t want to dance with you so you can,” you lift up your hands to finger quote this next part, “Pick who you think is good enough.”
You scoff, “Well, here’s a fun fact dickwad. I’m not going anywhere. The judges chose me and I fully intend on dancing as the female lead in the show. So get the fuck over yourself ‘cause you’re about to be seeing a lot of me in these next few months. Got it?“
"Fine,” he huffs, pushing past you.
“Fine!” you snap, turning away from him and heading towards your next class. Now that you're thoroughly annoyed and not in the mood for your next class, which happens to be a two-hour lecture on the history of interpretive dance, you sigh and get moving before you’re late.
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The first two weeks of ‘rehearsals’ are spent training, just at a higher level than you’re used to. However, you hide it well. You’ve been making sure to keep up with the upperclassmen because you know that you are, unfortunately, replaceable if Madam Jamie or Mr. Jenson deems it necessary.
It doesn’t matter that your thighs feel like they are on fire, or that your calves might be ripping at every bend and arch you make. You’re going to complete the one hundred pliés just like everyone else without a single complaint.
Jimin must have taken your last conversation to heart, or he’s exceptionally good at masking his feelings if your words bothered him, because he’s been an excellent partner all week. Although, you know you aren’t going to grow a typical relationship with him as you did with all of the other partners you have had over the years. You’ve been friends, good friends, even, with your previous partners, something you know is never going to happen with Jimin.
He doesn’t do small talk. He really doesn’t have much to say at all other than pointing out when you are making a mistake. No good comments, nor praise–not that you’re expecting any–but it would have been nice to hear him say that he is impressed with how well you’re keeping up with him.
It’s Friday of the second week, which means that it’s the last day of the training period aka hell week, thankfully. You’re dying to get started on learning the actual program. You aren’t looking forward to Jimin’s request of showing up an hour earlier than everyone else this next week, but even though you hate to admit it, the extra time will end up benefiting you.
Today also happens to be the day the choreographer is coming in. You’ve heard the whispers throughout the school this week, everyone trying to guess who it’s going to be.
And after seeing who Madam Jamie walks into the studio with, you’re so happy to see that they were all wrong.
“O-oh my–ohmygod,” you bumble and did a double-take. It couldn’t be, could it?
The brown curls hung gorgeously on the tall man’s head and you internally drool at how much better looking he is in person. He’s so tan, so fit, so delicious–
“Can you concentrate?” Jimin grumbles in annoyance, pulling you out of your slightly inappropriate thoughts. You’re doing partner stretches, which does require some level of focus, but not enough that you have to look away from the literal Italian God who stood a mere six feet away. “What’s your deal anyway? We’re supposed to be preparing our muscles for the toughest training session yet and you’re over there stuttering like a fool.”
You scoff at him and lower your voice, “Don’t you know who that is?”
Jimin rolls his eyes. “Does it look like I care?” He mutters, pushing the backside of your thigh towards your torso.
“You can’t be serious,” you exasperate. “That’s Luca Black! You know, one of the most famous choreographers in the dance world right now. I can’t believe you don’t see how big of a deal this is.”
“The only thing I care about right now is making sure your hamstrings are loose so you don’t kick me in the face when we’re dancing.”
Now there’s an idea…
“Alright, everyone! Front and center please,” Mr. Jenson announces as he walks in the door, right on time as usual.
“Dancers, I would like you to meet Mr. Black, your choreographer. I expect you all to treat him with the same level of respect that you give me and Madam Jamie.”
“Oh please,” Mr. Black says, stepping forward, “You can all call me Luca.” His smile hits the heart of every girl in the class, and even a few of the guys. “I am looking forward to working with you all to make this performance one to remember. Can we get into a lineup to start?”
Everyone moves into the typical sequence based on each person’s position of where they belong. Which meant that you and Jimin were dead center with Luca’s eyes right on you.
You swallow slowly when he walks towards the two of you. “You must be Y/N. Mr. Jenson has told me quite a lot about you. I have to say, I am most excited to work with a dancer like you.”
Jimin is perplexed that Luca went straight to you. If anything, he’s the better dancer here and he doesn’t quite understand why a sophomore is getting so much attention. He’s nearly sick to his stomach listening to the nauseating conversation that you two are having.
“It’s an honor to have you working with us Mr. Black,” you say in awe as you shake his hand.
“Luca,” he corrects before lifting your hand to kiss it, “And the pleasure is most definitely all mine.”
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“Sorry,” you pant, rushing through the door. “I know I’m a couple of minutes late. I couldn’t find parking. Why is it so freaking busy? It’s barely seven.”
“Don’t let it happen again,” Jimin says ignoring your question. You bite your tongue and get straight into your morning stretches.
“What do you want to work on today?” you ask, knowing what he is going to say after you’re warmed up. For the past three weeks, you and Jimin have been dedicating extra time to perfecting scene two's Pas De Deux.
It’s the only section of this scene where you’re both completely alone on stage and Jimin is dead-set on making it nothing less than perfect. He reasons that just because you are the only two people on stage doesn’t mean that the audience’s attention is a given, you need to earn it.
Which is a very on-brand thing for Jimin to say.
“Do you really need to ask?” He snickers with a playful smile plastered to his face.
“Nevermind then,” you banter back, joining him as he finishes stretching.
You’ve surprisingly gotten pretty comfortable with Jimin after spending more time with him. Dancing with him is mostly fun, besides when he calls you out on your mistakes…repeatedly. But even then, you know he tries to mean well. You both have to be the best or the other will end up looking like a fool–which (you assume) neither of you want to happen.
Knowing that you’re almost halfway through the semester is a little terrifying. All the dancers have been making great progress and everything is coming together seamlessly, but you can’t help but feel the nervousness set in.
You take a deep breath and clear your thoughts, getting nervous right now will do you no good. Thankfully, when you start dancing your mind settles and you’re able to concentrate on your performance. 
Well, that is, until Jimin drops you during the lift. You might have understood the mistake if he hadn’t done it three times prior.
“Get up.” He holds his hand out for you, pulling you to your feet. “We need to get this number down, you know how important it is.”
“I’m aware of that,” you hiss. “But it would be nice if you weren’t letting me fall every two seconds.” You rub your aching side and stretch to see if that helps ease the pain.
“Just dance it off, you’ll be fine.” Jimin walks over to his stuff along the wall, before bending down to grab his water bottle.
You scowl. “Stop being ridiculous and hold me properly. I don’t have teeth anywhere down there,” you say motioning to the space between your legs. “You can put your hand where it belongs without worry, you know.”
Jimin blushes as soon as he hears your words, he turns away quickly before you notice. Yes, it’s technically his fault that you keep falling. It isn’t intentional, but he can’t help it. Especially when he can feel the warmth of your center from where his hand is resting when he goes in for the lift.
The thought of other parts of him being this close to your heat is driving him crazy and yeah, he may have faltered, which yeah, may have caused you to crash down once…twice. Okay, maybe three times. Or four?
It doesn’t matter. He’s so hyper-focused on why he’s thinking about you like this at all. You’re attractive, he already knew that. But this new-found thought of wanting to take you hard and fast, right here in the studio is something else. It comes from deep within, and he can’t decide if he wants to squash the idea completely or let it lead to something wild.
Jimin shakes his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts just long enough for you to both get through these next ten minutes before the rest of the crew arrives for rehearsal. “Alright, let’s go again.”
You get into position, Jimin falling behind you. You try to hold still but his breath tickles your neck while you wait for the music cue.
The motions are practically natural to you at this point, and you take a deep breath, preparing yourself in case you fall again.
You rapidly suck in air when you feel Jimin’s fingers press deep into your inner thigh this time as he lifts you. They are incredibly close, much closer than they were last time.
You won’t ever admit to it, but your mind is overflowing with dirty thoughts of Jimin’s fingers somewhere else. Particularly somewhere that would have you writhing within seconds.
Those thoughts are distracting, and you’re late for your cue to jump down. And somehow instead of jumping, your body twists around in a weird way as your head dives down toward the ground below you. Tensing, you brace for the impact that doesn’t come.
Unexpectedly, Jimin manages to catch you before any damage happens, and he quickly pulls you up, as if you were never upside down to begin with. His arms are wrapped right below your butt, causing your head to be directly above his. How on earth it got there, you have no idea.
But you aren’t questioning it. Adrenaline runs wild through your body, and you cling to him as if your life depends on it. Your arms are wrapped tightly around his neck, scared that you still might fall somehow.
Your faces are only a few inches apart in this position, which allows you to see how soft and smooth Jimin’s lips look. You slowly lick yours as he lowers you down to the ground, keeping the same amount of distance, or lack thereof, between you two. The realization that it would be so easy to kiss him right now has set in and you swear Jimin has the same mad thoughts; especially when he’s gripping your hips this tightly.
What you both don’t realize is that outside of the main doors, the rest of the dancers are watching with wide eyes and shocked faces. If it weren't for the unmistakable red hair you see in the mirror's reflection, who knows what might have happened? You don’t think about it, instead, you pull away and play it off before heading toward your bag to grab a drink.
“Morning everyone! What are we all waiting for?” Luca says from behind the dancers, “Let’s go in and get warmed up.”
He opens the door and sees you and Jimin at opposite ends of the room, each taking big gulps from your water bottles. Interesting…
Cat walks in and sets her stuff down next to Jimin’s and silently watches him. His face is flushed but she can’t tell if it was because of the intense moment you two just shared, or from the strain of the lifting sequence. She was the first to notice the look you two shared before the crowd outside the door, and she has a weird feeling about it.
Last she knew you were still fighting with Jimin during your pre-practices, although she’s very aware of the saying ’there’s a fine line between love and hate’. Cat makes a mental note to ask you about this morning’s situation later.
The first half of practice is weird, to say the least. Jimin is treating you like nothing happened. And while technically nothing happened, something almost did and you don’t know how you felt about the something.
Needless to say, you aren’t on top of your dance game today. It’s hard to concentrate with your head filled with empty-answered questions and even more confusion.
“Okay, everyone,” Luca echoes, stealing every dancer’s attention, “Let’s take five. When we reconvene we’ll do a recap of Scenes One through Three with no breaks. If we can get it down we’ll move onto the beginning of Scene Four today.”
You and Jimin happily turn in opposite directions, grateful for some space.
“Y/N, can you stay back? There’s something I want to go over with you,” Luca calls out, stopping you from heading in the direction of Cat and some of the other girls.
Oh no. That’s never a good sign.
“Don’t worry, you’re not doing anything wrong,” he says after seeing your smile falter. “I just see a little room for improvement with the last sequence before the song changes in scene three.”
He gestures for you to get into position in front of him, which you do without hesitation.
Luca moves closer to you and rests a hand on your lower back, “Tighten here and stretch.” He shows you how to position your body to make it look more elegant and elongated. “See how much longer you look now?” His eyes meet yours in the mirror. “Hold yourself like this through the rest of the dance. Trust me when I say you’ll notice a difference. So will everyone else.”
A blush creeps up your neck when his hand slides across your hip before he steps away from you, “Thank you for the tip.”
His eyes burn into yours, and you feel the heat growing in your lower stomach. “Anytime, Y/N.” His lips turned into a small smile, which you returned.
Jimin stalks silently as Luca touches you, his anger bubbling deep down inside him. Fuck, he doesn’t exactly want you, but he definitely doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. And he sure as hell doesn’t want Luca touching you like that or giving you those looks; looks that have disguised intentions with ulterior motives behind them.
He wants to tell Luca where to go and how to get there, but he knows better. Not only would it be unprofessional as hell, but Jimin would probably be screwed out of a lot of future events if he tells one of the best choreographers to fuck off.
He forces himself to look away and takes another deep breath, calming down a little before part two of rehearsals starts.
The second half of rehearsals ends sooner than expected, and Jimin storms off before you even have the chance to talk to him about this morning. You sigh, your eyes trailing his fast exit.
“Y/N! I’m heading to the vending machine for a granola bar, want to come with me?” Cat asks. You’re sure that her question has a hidden agenda too, but you go along with it anyway since you’re starving and need to eat something small before your next class.
“Sure, just give me a second to switch out of my pointe shoes.” You don’t like to wear yours for walking since they’re new and still stiff.
“So,” Catalina begins, watching you put the money into the machine. “What was that this morning? And don’t you dare try to say it was just dancing, because I’ve seen 'just dancing’ with Jimin and that was not at all what I saw earlier.”
You groan internally, not wanting to deal with her interrogation. Cat isn’t the type to judge you if you told her that you would’ve fucked Jimin right then if it wasn’t for the fact that you noticed her (and the rest of the dancers). But you don’t want to admit it to yourself.
Saying it and thinking it are two very different things, and you aren’t sure you can come to terms with saying that you want to fuck Jimin. Hell, you have no idea if you will feel the same way in an hour. So you choose to keep it to yourself for now.
“Did something happen between you two?” she asks bluntly.
“No, nothing happened between us.”
“And is that a good or bad thing?” she questions next.
“Good,” you huff, “I think…”
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It’s been another busy few weeks, and things have been going great…until today. To be honest, this is probably the worst dance day you’ve had in years.
“I’m sorry guys, let’s start from the top,” you apologize again for messing up. The scene you’re going over today isn’t complicated by any means, it’s only a transition scene. But your head is elsewhere which, in turn, makes you mess up every couple of seconds.
You're not getting many approving looks from the room. Luca is a little worried, Madam Jamie has pursed lips, and the dancers are severely annoyed with you.
“No, Miss Y/N.  Stop before you hurt yourself.” Mr. Jenson lets out a frustrated sigh. “Kyra, would you stand in for Y/N and show her how it’s properly done?”
You’re embarrassed that it’s gotten to this point. What is with you? You’ve done this sequence perfectly with Jimin this past week, hundreds of times at least. Now with the extra dancers on the floor, you seem to be forgetting it all.
Taking soft, shallow breaths is the only thing keeping you from crying in front of everyone. But they wouldn’t notice. All eyes are glued to Kyra, a senior who had also auditioned for the same role as you, as she dances with Jimin.
They dance beautifully, you can’t deny it, even if you want to. You can’t help but wonder if she would’ve been the better choice for the female lead.
“Thank you, Kyra. Everyone back into position now.”
Kyra walks past you and smirks. You know she’s thinking the same thing that you are. She probably also thinks that she’s capable of sweeping in and stealing your position. Like hell if you’re going to let that happen.
Even so, it’s not your decision to make and you know if you keep screwing this up it’s more than likely to happen.
“Hey, are you okay? What’s your deal?” Jimin whispers once he lines up with you again. The last thing you need is for him to make you feel worse for fucking up.
“I don’t know, it’s not a good day for me,” you whisper back as your eyes fill with tears. You’re completely exhausted, defeated, and disappointed.
“Just dance it off, we all get days like this. Follow my lead, okay? I promise I won’t let you mess up again.”
You nod, blinking back your tears. This is a different side of Jimin than you’re used to. He’s caring and knows exactly what to say to make you feel better.
After shaking off the earlier mishaps, you get yourself together and push through practice, making sure that the first official run-through of the program is a total success. It makes you feel a hell of a lot better than two hours earlier. You can tell that the rest of the group is just as ecstatic as you and Jimin are.
“That was great, Y/N!” he says, pulling you into a comforting hug. “See, all you needed was a little reassurance.”
You’re slightly sad when he pulls back, the warmth of his body is no longer felt. “Thank you for today. I would’ve completely fallen apart without you.”
“Hey don’t worry about it, make sure you get some rest this weekend. See you Monday!” He smiles softly and waves bye. Who knew Jimin had more to him than what everyone else saw?
“Hey, Y/N!”
You turn your head and see Madison, one of the upperclassmen who’s also in the show, walking toward you.
“What are you doing tonight? Some of the girls and I are planning on going out to celebrate our first successful run-through of the show. We’re wondering if you’d like to come?” She leans in a little closer, “We have a fake you can use to get into our favorite club, Wander. We’d love for you to let loose with us.”
Usually, you would turn down any interaction that involves alcohol, especially since you’re underage, but you don’t want to disappoint your potential new friends. Plus it does sound like a lot of fun, and after the practice you just had, you deserve to let loose and relax.
“Yeah, totally! I’d love to come.” Madison smiles and you both trade numbers.
“Okay cool, I’ll text you my address later. We’re gonna get ready at mine before we head out. See you later!” She gives you a quick hug before heading out the door.
You’re secretly excited to hang out with the older girls since you don’t have many other friends in your year. Especially not now with all your free time taken up by rehearsals.
Jimin stands outside the dance studio’s side door, slyly eavesdropping. He makes a mental note to accidentally run into you later. He isn’t sure what’s gotten into him, but he doesn’t want to go without seeing you for two days.
You intrigue him, and after your almost-kiss, Jimin wants to know what your lips feel like for real this time, not just what he has been imagining.
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“What can I get you?” the bartender asks over the pounding music. You have no idea what to ask for; you obviously don’t drink and ordering something from the bar is a little out of your comfort zone since you don’t know what you’re doing.
Madison catches on and takes over. “Five shots of tequila for our group!” she yells while leaning over the bartop so he can hear her.
Oh boy, you don’t know much but you know enough to feel safe assuming tonight will be wild if you’re starting with shots, of all things.
With about a month left until the show, deciding to let loose with the girls is exactly the kind of break you need. Dancing, drinks, and good friends. Looking around, you’re happy to see that you have all three. It’s all a part of tonight’s plan.
What you don’t plan for, however, is seeing Jimin in the middle of the dance floor with Kyra all over him. After practice today, this is a total slap in the face.
You aren’t sure if the progress you’ve been making with Jimin is just one-sided, or if you had been imagining it this whole time. It feels like you’re both taking two steps forward in the right direction and then something like this will happen, sending you ten steps back.
Your eyes are glued to Kyra’s body as she dances with him, her hips moving at the perfect speed. You can’t help but be jealous of her. Not only is she gorgeous and a great dancer, but she also has a way of demanding everyone’s attention in any room she graces. Although, there’s only one person’s attention you want right now, and from what it looks like, you doubt you’ll be getting his anytime soon.
“Oh my god, is that Luca?” Catalina asks with a surprised tone, pointing towards the opposite end of the bar, “No way, it can’t be.”
“It is,” you laugh nervously before looking away. You’re a little worried that he might remember that you’re under the legal drinking age, only by a year, but still. How embarrassing would it be for him to get you kicked out…
“That’ll be $42,” the bartender drones, pushing the over-spilling shot glasses toward your group and happily taking whichever girls’ fifty-dollar bill in return.
You lift your glass along with the others, “Here’s to letting go and having fun!”
The tequila burns the back of your throat but that doesn’t stop you from hollering, “Let’s go dance!”
You pull Madison and Catalina onto the dance floor, coming to an abrupt stop when your back collides with someone., “Oh my gosh, I am so sor–” You pause and stare at the dark-haired man, “Oh. Hi.”
“Hi ladies, I hope you’re not getting into too much trouble tonight,” Luca jokes with a wide smile displayed across his face. He looks gorgeous dressed in all black, the leather jacket tops off his outfit.
“Oh of course not, Mr. Black,” Catalina giggles playfully, “We’re all good girls here.”
He raises his eyebrow which makes each of you giggle, “I’m not so sure about that. Can I buy you all a drink? Or is that a little weird?”
You look around at the girls; they do the same.
“Uh, sure? Madison finally says, breaking up the awkward silence.
Cat and one of her friends entertain Luca’s conversation while they wait at the bar. You slyly peek over your shoulder while dancing, looking for you-know-who. You can’t find him, but you’re happy to see that Kyra has moved on to her next man of the night.
"Hey,” Luca says, walking towards you with an extra drink in hand. “Here you go. Shhh, it’s our little secret,” he says humorously.
You thank him for the drink, nervously swirling the ice with the slim black straw in your cup.
“I’m happy I ran into you,” he begins, “Can I talk to you for a second, alone?”
“Oh, uh, sure!” You nod to Cat, silently saying that you’ll catch up with her later. He smiles and pulls you aside from your friends.
“What’s up?” You ask tensely while Luca grins, running a hand through his hair.
“I just want to tell you how impressed I’ve been with your progress so far, I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of you at rehearsals.”
Oh my god.
“Really?” You gape.
“Absolutely,” he reaches for your hand, bringing you closer to him before bending down to plant his lips on yours. You freeze as he kisses you gently, entirely unsure of what to do in that situation.
He quickly pulls back after reading your body language, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Luca,” you say curtly, taking a step back, “I appreciate your tips in class and kind comments, but I think we should keep things professional here. You’re the choreographer and I’m a student...”
“Of course, I apologize again. How about I walk you back to your friends and we forget this happened?”
“That would be perfect.” You’re thankful that things don’t seem too awkward, and you only hope things will stay that way when you see each other Monday morning.
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Jimin’s fingernails dig into the flesh of his palms as he clenches his fists. Fucking Luca Black. He was heading your way to say hi, but Luca led you in a different direction than the one your friends are heading to. He should have known better, but he follows behind slowly. And what he sees when he finally turns the corner doesn’t sit right with him.
Luca’s hand on your cheek as the two of you kiss. Jimin isn’t exactly sure who initiated it. And even though it’s eating him alive, he doesn’t want to know because it pains him either way.
He watches as Luca pulls away, and takes note of your stunned face. Jimin wants to believe that was because you didn’t enjoy it. He can’t hear what you’re talking about, and he truly wants to believe that Luca is making you uncomfortable based on your reaction to the kiss. But that hopeful thought is squashed as soon as you smile and take Luca’s hand, allowing him to lead you to the dance floor.
Jimin is still trying to process what he just witnessed even though you’re both long gone. He steps out of the shadows and throws his drink at the wall, ignoring the sound of the glass breaking behind him. Grumbling under his breath, Jimin takes the closest exit and slams the club door behind him.
He heads home with the hopes that a cold shower will ease his rage, but the cool water running down his back isn’t doing much for his boiling blood, nor is it getting rid of the image of Luca’s lips on yours. And inevitably, he can’t get you out of his head either which in turn results in him masturbating to those thoughts of you … which is anything but calming.
Jimin closes his eyes and imagines that it’s him kissing you, not Luca, and that he’s the one who has you pushed up against the wall. He can practically hear your soft whimpers, the ones you make when you’re doing partner stretches that always have him close to losing it right there in front of everyone at rehearsals.
But it isn’t him who’s stretching with you. His length quivers in his hand as he speeds up, trying to change his thoughts to you aroused in the club bathroom, his hand sliding underneath your dress and slipping into your panties. Jimin throws his head back at the image of you getting all worked up, but once again, it isn’t him that’s driving you wild. It’s Luca.
After the fifth attempt and still failing to picture himself with you, Jimin gives up. He groans, looking down at his length’s angry red tip that’s aching for release. And there’s only one thing that will give him that. You.
But not an imaginary you. The real you. The real you wanting him just as much as he wants you. He doubts that you ever will, not when you can have Luca instead.
Meaning that Jimin is basically screwed.
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Monday is a killer. Jimin has been hateful to you all morning, and you genuinely have no idea why. He seems to be fuming now at the end of rehearsals, compared to the quiet angry vibe he was giving off earlier this morning.
“Hey, great job today Y/n. You’re doing phenomenal. I can’t wait to see this all come to life next week. See you tomorrow!”
“Thanks! Yes, see you tomorrow Luca.” You wave bye while he rushes out of the room, leaving just you and Jimin behind.
Jimin waits until Luca is out of earshot before saying anything. He’s been annoyed all day by your and Luca’s behavior after witnessing the two of you making out in the hallway of Wander.
He’s disgusted, even more so by the afterthoughts of Luca bringing you back to his place and taking advantage of you. Needless to say, he didn’t sleep much this weekend.
“God, you’re such a suck-up,” he criticizes, failing to hold back his evil words. “How special do you think you’re going to feel when the paid help you’re boning doesn’t remember your name the second he moves on to the next school and finds a new student to seduce?”
“Excuse me?”
“You can pretend all you want but I saw you Friday night. With him.”
Oh god…
You shake your head, “Jimin, I can explain–”
“Whatever, waitlist. I don’t want to hear your excuses.” He turns around and internally grimaces, upsetting you isn’t what he was going for. He’s pissed and unfortunately, you’re the only person he can take it out on. It’s a dick move to say things like that, especially since you deserve to be here just as much as everyone else.
Jimin knows he should just let it go, but he can’t help it. It’s been eating him alive all day. He’s pissed that you’re acting like a damn fool because of Luca’s attention. Luca’s eyes hadn’t left your body the entire day.
Fucking perv.
Jimin is more pissed that it’s bothering him so much. He shouldn’t care, he doesn’t–or at least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.
Jimin’s words stung, and you’re shaking out of pure anger. “What the fuck is your problem? I can handle the normal stick-up-your-ass behavior but it’s on a whole new level today. Chill out, okay? It isn’t what you think. Nothing happened after he kissed me. Not that it’s any of your goddamn business, but it actually made me, like, super uncomfortable and he apologized directly after. We both agreed it wasn’t professional, so piss off Jimin. And even if I did decide to take it further with Luca, it wouldn’t concern you. So stay out of it.” You’re near him when you finish, with crossed arms and eyes glaring.
It’s unbelievable Jimin would make such a comment; the last thing you need is for him to start telling people what he saw.
You know you would be harshly reprimanded for using a fake ID to get into a club, but also for accepting a drink from someone who is a teacher, and especially for kissing that same teacher.
Jimin is just as heated as you are. So his intuition was right that night. His anger only grows, wanting to punch Luca over and over again for making you uncomfortable like that. How could Luca not tell that you weren’t actually into him, but rather idolized him for his contributions to the dance world? How dare he use that against you to pull a move like that?
“Fine,” he growls in your face, totally furious at the situation, and furious with himself for caring this much about it–about you. You’re driving him crazy, even now when you’re pissed with him. It turns him on how strong and defensive you always are, and fuck, he wants to do something about it.
“Fine,” you snap back, taking another step forward as your eyes subconsciously lower to his parted mouth.
In a matter of milliseconds, your lips collide and your hands are all over each other’s bodies. He lifts you into his arms and slams your back into the mirrors. It’s a miracle that they don’t shatter from his force.
You gasp at the contact and Jimin takes the opportunity to shove his tongue further into your mouth. Your legs lock around his waist while you continue to explore each other’s mouths and bodies ravenously.
Jimin pulls away and tugs your leotard down your arms, freeing your breasts from the tight compression.
“You’re so fucking annoying, do you know that?” He snarls before leaving a line of rough kisses along your neck and down your chest. You whimper at the sensation and run your fingers through his hair.
“You’re so fucking loud, do you always have to say so much?” You moan in response.
Jimin is starved for your taste and can’t wait any longer. His hands travel down your side while his lips close over one of your soft peaks, sucking it in between his teeth.
You mewl, crashing your head back against the glass from the sheer amount of pleasure.
Jimin abruptly pulls away and brings his face back in front of yours. “What? Do you have something to say?” he asks with fire in his eyes. But with his lips replaced by his fingers, twisting and tugging, you’re helplessly tongue-tied.
He moves one hand lower and another soft moan escapes your lips, his middle finger dancing dangerously above your panties before dipping into your slickened folds.
Jimin knows exactly where and how to touch you, causing your head to spin. He feels himself hardening watching your face contort in pleasure, and nearly coming in his pants when you slowly lick your bottom lip, pulling it in between your teeth and letting out a long moan in the process.
“Mmm, Jimin,” you cry, feeling yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. Jimin notices this and instantly pulls away. You don’t get to come that easily. Even though it makes him super fucking excited to see what his touch does to you. God, this is so much better than what he imagined.
You whimper at the loss of his touch, “What the fuck?”
“Turn around,” he demands, his eyes flooding with lust and a dash of something dark. He undresses you rather quickly, leaving your tights and leotard wrapped around your legs.
You decide you aren’t going to let him have all the fun, sneaking a hand back behind you. Jimin grits his teeth in pleasure as your hand slips into his pants. His length twitches in anticipation of feeling you wrapped around him. You pull his member out and lead him between your damp folds, moaning deliciously at the contact.
The scent of your arousal has now filled the room and Jimin can’t hold back any longer. He wants to fulfill his fantasy of taking you hard and fast, right here in front of the mirror. Without a warning he slams himself into you, causing you to lose your breath.
Your back is against him as he relentlessly pounds you from behind. The force of his thrusts are hard and you use your hands as leverage against the mirror to avoid being crushed by him, even though it would certainly be worth it.
Jimin brings a hand up around your neck and holds your head straight so he can watch when you come. You’re close and he knows just what to do.
“Say my name,” he demands, using his other hand to pinch your clit. “Look at me and say the name of the man who’s making you come like you never have before.”
“Jimin, oh my-” The waves of pleasure wash over your entire body, every inch of your skin tingles. You pulsate around him, but he’s not done with you yet.
“That’s damn right.” Jimin twists you around again, lifting you against the reflective glass. He keeps his fast pace, with a fistful of your hair held between his tightening fingers.
“You’re such a fucking slut. Look at you losing it over my cock,” he snarls with a clenched jaw, “I’m gonna fuck you like this until the rest of the class comes in.”
Jimin rams into you with twice the amount of force as before. “I’d make that fucking Italian bastard watch as I take you hard and make you feel this good.” He brings his lips up to your ear and whispers, “He could never,” before harshly biting your ear, sending you completely over the edge for a second time. 
Jimin watches you unfold, your beauty completely mesmerizes him. Your entire body is on fire from oversensitivity while Jimin’s fingers rub your throbbing nub. You watch, completely hypnotized, as he brings his soaked fingers up to his mouth and sucks them clean.
“Oh, don’t think we’re anywhere near done yet,” he smirks devilishly, moving his thumb back to your clit and rubbing in crude circles. Your eyes squeeze shut at the sensation, and you can’t catch your breath. It’s too much.
Jimin hisses when your fingernails dig into his shoulders. “Fuck, Y/N. You’re so tight right now.” It isn’t long after those words leave his lips that he’s shuddering inside of you, his release shooting into the depths of your heat.
Your insides coil as you reach the peak of your third and final orgasm. Jimin holds your legs steady as you come hard over his cock, and swallows your moans with his mouth.
He slowly retreats out of you and presses his flushed cheek against yours. You can feel his heartbeat thumping out of control while you both catch your breath.
After a moment, he draws back and lowers you to the ground. You both chuckle at the state of your appearance. “I think I have a towel in my bag, one sec.” He says while tucking himself back into his pants as you readjust your hair, trying to make the whole ’i just had sex’ look a little less obvious.
You’re still breathing heavily when he returns to wipe you clean.
“Mmm,” you hum in total satisfaction, and still a little out of it - if you had to be honest. “I should piss you off more often.”
He gives you a look, “Hurry up and get dressed before anyone sees you.”
You’re the one to smirk this time, “I thought you wanted people to see me?”
“Haha, very funny.”
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“Hurry up, you’re taking too long,” you whine while Jimin attempts to undo his stage pants as fast as he can.
“I’m trying,” he mutters, silently praying when his zipper finally works, “There we go.”
He lines himself up to you and pushes into your center.
You bite your lip to avoid making any noises as he stretches you out. The two of you are in the small storage closet behind the stage; there’s only about an hour or two until the opening night show starts.
Jimin thought you had to be joking at first when you whispered how badly you needed him after you both were dressed and ready to warm up with the rest of the dancers. But much to his delight, you weren’t kidding.
Hopefully, they won’t notice your absence. Who are you kidding, they probably know that you two are fucking. Plus, it’s kind of obvious when both lead roles go 'missing’ at the same time.
At first, he was torn between following you into the tight space–wanting to be in another tight space–and doing what he normally would call the right thing, which was preparing for tonight. But after seeing the look on your face, Jimin was quick to follow you into the closet.
“Shhh, you need to stay quiet,” Jimin grunts quietly with a hand over your mouth, silencing your moans.
You grip his shoulders as he quickens his pace, bringing you both over the edge.
“Holy fuck,” he quietly whines, the sensation of your inner walls clenching his length is addicting. It isn’t long after your sweet release that he’s quivering. He pulls out, knowing you can’t dance with his release filling you. He shudders one last time, his come shoots out and onto the wooden floor below.
You giggle, “Good thing we’re in a place that can clean that up.” you say referencing his load.
He rolls his eyes at your joke and leans in to give you a quick kiss, “You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”
“Yes, typically.”
You flatten out your costume and zip each other up, leaving the closet one at a time. You first of course, since you needed to touch up your makeup now. Leaving Jimin behind to clean up his mess.
About fifteen minutes later you meet Jimin backstage to practice, stretch, and chat along with everyone else. The jitters are bouncing off of everyone and you can’t stand still from excitement, a little nervousness too. But mostly excitement.
“Jimin, are you feeling okay? You look a little stiff and tired if I must say…” Madam Jamie mentions after watching him practice a few scenes.
“Nothing to worry about Madam, had a tiring warm-up is all. Not to worry though, I am more than ready for tonight.”
Madam Jamie reminds him how important rest and lots of water are when practicing hard before moving along to the next student.
“Hmmm, what is it that you usually tell me?” You begin, giving him a coy look, “Oh right. 'Just dance it off.’ That should fix your issue, correct?” You look down at his crotch, and back up at him with a twinkle in your eyes.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he says, daring you to go on.
“After our vigorous warmup, I’m sure you do. But we’re going on stage soon. So suck it up, sweetie.”
He can’t wait to make you regret that statement when he teases you later tonight. He had big plans to celebrate. And knowing you, you would love them.
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bonefall · 7 months ago
Note
i’m curious- can you explain, from prepping to actual processing and cooking and such, how the clans make sausage? is it really that easy?
SAUSAGES!!!
It's SO easy. The WHOLE process from prep to cooking is essentially 5 steps. Sausage is so old that it predates the historic record. The earliest record of it is from 4,000 BC-- but it's SO simple to make that it's almost a guarantee that any carnivorous society would learn how to make their own.
You don't even need fire. Most types of sausage are made by cooking the meat with heat or smoke, but you can get SALAMI through passive fermentation and air drying. Pepperoni is also in that same category of "dry sausage"! It was an invention of Italian American immigrants modifying sopressatta back in the 1920s.
Sausage is how you can use every last little scrap of meat on an animal, AND preserve it while you're at it. There's a ton of different types of sausages, but what binds them, literally, is that they're meat stuffed in digestive tract. ALL types of meat. The filling can be offal, muscle, or even blood, packed in with varying types of preservatives and spices.
(though in modern sausage production they use don't use natural cases as often, because it's more expensive than artificial collagen casing. that's actually how you can tell right away if you're at a quality pizza place or not-- if your pepperoni "cups" up after it's cooked, it's made with the real stuff. That's caused by the natural casing shrinking because of the heat.)
the TL;DR of making sausage is collect, scrape, soak, stuff, dry. Five simple steps. I am going to create an incredibly detailed walkthrough of it, every little tiny thing, from harvest to mealtime.
Minimum tools needed: a flat rock and a dark place, such as a cave.
Recommended tools: A flat rock, a bird bone with a stick, a cold underground den, fire.
It usually begins when an animal is brought back to camp, though it could even be started right in the field where prey is caught.;
CONTENT WARNING
This post contains discussions of evisceration and unsanitary topics in the context of natural butchery.
We're going to talk about disembowelment and processing animal organs into food. This includes how to open a carcass, and washing out the things that intestines usually contain. There is also an image of sausage casings at various stages of processing, including when it's still raw (but clean) intestine.
I was taught how to clean a deer carcass when I was only a teenager and I've never been squeamish, but everyone's tolerance for this sort of thing is different. It's okay if this isn't something you can handle; just know that the process of sausage making is easy, yet still a work of skill.
Appreciate the effort that goes into making your food! Just remember; there's a reason why they warn you about "finding out how the sausage is made!"
Step 1: Collecting the offal
You might think that because the prey that Clan cats hunt are so small, there would be some animals they can't make sausage from because of it. That's not the case! Bowels are naturally stretchy and will expand when stuffed; even a mouse can make for snack-sized sausages that a cat would enjoy.
(Remember; an entire mouse is approximately 1 meal for a single warrior.)
Removing the intestines is easy to do, requires no fire, and is necessary for avoiding parasites. Even a canon-compliant Clan can, and should, do this as part of their food processing. Canon treats claws like they're small knives and I do too because it's cool as hell, but if your Clan is more tool advanced, you could even allow them to use knives.
That gruesome phrase, "there's more than one way to skin a cat" is EXTREMELY accurate for ALL types of skinning. EVERY hunter and butcher you will meet will have their own method. Here's ONE way to do it, for right after the carcass has been bled dry and skinned;
It is helpful to hang the carcass by the legs, but not required. Especially for a large animal like a hare, this will make gravity your friend in getting the organs out. Clan cats have access to plenty of twine for this; brambles, willowbark, flax, etc.
Cut a "circle" around the anus first, under the tail. You want to keep the whole tract in one piece. If the intestines rupture, it might contaminate the rest of the ENTIRE carcass. This part you cut now will be the back end of the "tube" you're going to pull out.
From the bottom of the "circle," slit carefully down the belly until you hit the bone in the middle of the ribcage. This is tricky. If you go too deep, you'll cut the guts and spill waste everywhere. Don't go deep enough and you won't even get through the membrane. A good mentor would guide their apprentice's paw at this point, showing them how to carefully hook one layer deeper each time and how to angle the claw so they don't cut deeper than they mean to. (NOTE: the sternum is a lot shorter in most four-legged animals than it is in a human. The warrior's cut will be much further down the "chest" of the prey than you think.)
Now, the guts need to be cut from the back of the cavity. This is MESSY, but not tricky. This is the part where an impatient warrior would mess up, start yanking, and puncture the gut. If the animal is hanging, this is MUCH easier as the anus is still "anchored" to the pelvis like a big noodle.
Lastly, reach down and pull the throat up, then and take the whole tract out in one piece! In a very "large" animal like a muntjac or a hare, a more advanced Clan might tie off the colon with string before pulling it out, to avoid making a mess.
That's it! You now have the entire GI tract of an animal, including esophagus, stomach, large intestine, small intestine, and all the extra species-specific organs (like tripe or gizzards) they contain. An experienced butcher can do this whole process in less than a minute on a smaller animal-- and the small intestine of a mouse alone is over a foot long for making into sausages!
(In Clanmew, this "tract" is called a gwussip. It basically means "pile of slightly processed food." It's also used to refer to the dough used to make tunnelbuns in WindClan, and the minced meat that will be used to stuff the sausages later.)
Various types of sausage are made from the stomach down. Haggis is one type of sausage, for example, traditionally made of a sheep's stomach. The esophagus doesn't have the same "stretchiness" that the intestines are known for, and is more often made into a mince and sauteed if it isn't just wasted by being tossed.
BB!ThunderClan in particular likes to let it slow cook in fat and fruit sauce until it's more tender, but still delightfully chewy. It's not enough to fill a warrior up, but it makes a good snack for in between mealtimes. If you're familiar with Mexican cuisine, pig esophagus is prepared as "buche."
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
But, digressing,
Now that you have your intestines, it needs to be turned into casing.
Step 2: Scrape the inner membrane
Intestines are full of fecal matter. We all know this. Especially if you collected it correctly, it's going to be full of unwanted liquid when you first pull it out. Thankfully, it's just a tube and it can be washed.
These organs are made to contain everything icky inside of the gut, protecting the rest of body with its specialized buffer layers; the meat itself is perfectly fine.
The first thing a warrior needs to do is run it through a clean stream of running water, just like rinsing out a reusable straw. They'd be taking care to rub every fold clean, like a raccoon washing stockings in a river. Depending on the species the organ comes from, the culture of the Clan, and the condition of the animal before it was killed, some intestines might smell worse and need to be washed for longer than others.
BB!ShadowClan is different from other Clans in that they will flush it with a mix of vinegar and water to clean intestines. Especially since so much of their territory is stillwater, they're extra concerned with making sure their offal is cleaned. Other Clans find vinegar repulsive. ShadowClan finds other Clans dirty. Other Clans point out that they're the ones that eat literally anything. ShadowClan says they'd be able to stop wasting food if they spent less time whining and more time food processing. Cultural friction ensues.
After it's flushed, the cleaned intestine is turned inside-out. Just like a sock. From there, the inner layer of membrane is scraped off.
A long, flat rock is the best tool for this, or a good bone scraper. I've also heard of people doing this with a knife, so the rock is actually still technically optional for even the most thumbless Clans... but the cats can weave ropes out of grass canonically. They can use a rock.
(meanwhile in the background the bb!cats are playing instruments around a fire, absolutely ignoring canon's inconsistent tech level)
This is what it looks line at each stage of this process. Totally raw intestine looks like the image on the left. When turned inside-out, it resembles the middle. After scraping, it looks like the right.
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Now there's just one more step before you officially have casing.
Step 3: Soaking in salt solution.
This is actually the hardest part for a Clan trying to be ecologically accurate. Salt is very rare in most forest environments. If your Clans are set up in a place with a natural salt source (near a beach, or near a geological deposit), you'll have no problems!
But... most Clans would, logically, not be so lucky and need to get creative.
The first option is stealing salt from farmers and hunters. Salt licks are usually left out in large, white blocks for sheep in fields, and deer in the woods. However, BB!Clan cats, except SkyClan, strongly avoid interacting with humans. That includes not approaching the salt licks left out for deer and livestock.
So, traditionally in the Forest Territory, they used the second option: Slowly burning the roots of coltsfoot. Dandelion also works, but will give you much less salt. In the Lake Territory, cats are sent on regular "Salt Patrols" to the ocean, bringing back bags of ocean salt from evaporated water for medicinal and culinary use.
Once that's done, simply toss the intestines in salt water for a few hours. That's it. You now have casing.
Step 4: Stuff the casing with mince.
Mince is just finely shredded meat, mixed with any spices your little kitty heart desires. Humans use a lot of herbal spices such as fennel, but as obligate carnivores, warriors prefer mushrooms which have compounds resembling the taste of meat.
The real secret to stuffing, though, is to make sure EVERYTHING is chilly before you do it. Cold mince is less sticky, keeps its shape better when being handled, and the fat is distributed more evenly in the mix. Sausages made during winter come out better than ones made during summer, for that reason.
Don't overstuff and try to keep it even. You can do it by paw, but it would be MUCH easier with a simple gadget. The earliest sausage stuffing tools we know of were as simple as a funnel and a plunger like this antique;
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But since Clan cats are stuffing little animals, they can work with much smaller natural materials. The bones of birds are naturally hollow-- just clean one out, get a stick to push the meat through, and you're making tiny sausages.
And the last, but most important part,
Step 5: Dry it by way of heat and smoke (sausage) or fermentation and air drying (salami).
What you have in your paws before you start this process is, essentially, a little bag of raw meat. Most food preservation can be understood as the simple act of drying. Salt, fire, smoking, wind exposure-- those are all just fancy ways of removing moisture from food.
So generally, the more moisture the technique removes, the longer it will last.
"Fresh" sausages, your bratwurst, cheap hot dogs, bangers, the ones that are JUST made of mince and casing and you're not planning on doing anything else, those get cooked and eaten immediately. These types are actually pretty "recent" historically speaking, because it was a luxury to not be making sausages to store and transport meat.
So to make it last, they will usually be "cured." That means that the mince was mixed with salt before stuffing. Simple as that. Smoked cured sausage is self explanatory once you know what the terms mean-- it's been cured with salt, and then put in a smokehouse to dry.
(side note: curing is also required for smoking, else the conditions inside the sausage become the perfect breeding ground for botulism)
But the thing you're really waiting to hear about is "dry sausage." NO refrigeration required, NO fire needed at any point in the process. Salami specifically is cured, fermented in a dark and humid place, and then air-dried. This process takes only a few days if it's hot, and up to a week if it's cold. There are often starter cultures and sugars (fruits) added to the mince which reduces the "failure" rate, but this can work completely on its own.
Its taste will also vary depending on the cultures of bacteria doing the fermenting-- but that's unironically the kind of thing beyond the scope of this. That's culinary science.
This is where a dedicated "den" for hanging fermenting sausage would be handy. You can make do with a cave, but being able to completely control the environment can be the difference between having food in two days, versus having food in a week. You can even store it while it's fermenting for months if you can control the environment perfectly.
The last step is simply to take it out when it's at the absolutely perfect conditions and stop fermentation. If it ferments ALL the way, it will taste so sour it's inedible.
And that's it.
It's that simple. You hung it up in a cave for a while, and now you have shelf-stable meat that doesn't need to be refrigerated.
The catch; this works best in hotter, sunnier, southern environments, where the post-fermentation process is finished off with air drying. Drying is VERY GOOD because it totally removes the moisture. BB!Clans, in Northwestern England, prefer to finish this off with smoking unless they're doing it in summer and the weather cooperates.
Air drying is better because it typically removes more moisture and makes the sausage hard. Finishing fermentation with smoking causes it to be "semi-dry."
This far north, the days are cloudier, darker, and colder than it is further south, where the most famous dry sausages are made. It's not impossible to make fully dried sausage here, but it's a LOT more precise of an art.
If your Clans are based in the USA, don't worry about that. Dry fermentation is possible everywhere there except Alaska. Even if they're at the very tippy-top north of the continguous 48 states, they are barely higher in latitude than Paris, France. To put what BB's environment is in context, remember that you could walk a straight line across the globe from Liverpool, UK and be somewhere near Edmonton, Canada.
(in fact, dry fermentation can be done easily anywhere it isn't too dry or too cold. RIP Southern Chilean fanclans you will simply have to smoke it just like the Brits.)
And that's sausage. That is an in-depth guide to how salami can be made by Clan cats.
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windvexer · 6 months ago
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Lowering Wards: Steps for new and established spells
"Lowering" a ward means to temporarily pause some or all of its protective effects, usually to make way for other magical actions or divination; "lowering the draw-bridge." Here, a ward is any protective spell.
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Although these steps will work for just about any spell. An alternate title for this post is, basic spell administration: managing your spells after they've been cast.
The whole caboodle is deceptively easy. No need to over think it.
Lowering any wards, even for spells not established with convenient lowering in mind
SELECT WHICH EFFECTS SHOULD BE PAUSED. Hypothetically, a ward with multiple effects can have some effects paused, while others are ongoing (*this is highly variable and really depends on how the spell was built).
But technically, if you have a ward that's A) no magic can come into my house, and B) no energies of ill-will can come into my house, you may be able to allow magic to come into your house while a friend sends a positive spell your way, while still filtering out ill-will.
In my experience, protection loopholes are a bit of a beast, and if your magic starts behaving weirdly, or won't work, or friends can't magic on you like they can for others, check out to see if you've sealed yourself in a labyrinth of protective measures.
Sometimes you'll want to pause all effects - that's fine too. Just have in mind what you want to have happen.
IMO, an excellent way to deal with this step is to just state what it is you want the ward to allow for.
"Let this Discord friend do a reading for me."
"Make way for this spirit to leave the house."
Etc.
TAKE ANY BASIC STEP TO MANAGE YOUR MAGIC.
Enter, or at least brush up against, magical mindspace.
Find the spell - this is easier if its attached to a physical object, which just means finding the object.
While in magical mindspace and interacting with the reality that your spell exists, do any of the following:
Just tell it what you'd like it to temporarily do
Put a black cloth over the spell vessel with intent that it be paused
Hide it away in a drawer, or turn it so that it's "facing" a corner
Draw some sort of stopping symbol on top of it (pentagram or an X work well)
Put the ward close to an energy battery and have it take a break and go out for lunch
Any action that, for you, makes sense to represent a "pause, time-out" instruction
WHEN READY, PUT THE WARD BACK UP. Take away the black cloth, put the ward back in its proper position, "wipe away" the blocking symbol. Especially communicate through magical speech, thought, writing, signing, etc., that the ward is to resume its normal mode of behavior.
For those curious about sorcerous theory, reading on a ward before and after you raise and lower it can offer helpful feedback
Of course, that stuff might not work well, so making a ward with an eye for pausing it is a good idea
Spellcrafting can get complex and there could be any number of reasons why a ward created to be a permanent wall doesn't have convenient, easily-workable drawbridges.
Building a ward with drawbridges is easy. First, decide how you want the drawbridge to work.
You can design a ward where one effect ("no ill-energy") is always active, while another is meant to be raised and lowered ("no outside magic.")
You can design a ward with a skeleton key, where all of the doorways are unlocked at once
You can design wards in such a way that outsiders may be able to obtain the key and unlock them (like, a passcode and energy signature you share with others), or you can design them in such a way that only you can unlock them (like, requiring you yourself to draw a symbol over them in the physical realm)
Etc.
One example of an unlocking action is tapping on the spell vessel three times and saying, "stand down until sunset* so [specific thing the ward is blocking] can occur."
*For the forgetful, giving the spell a timeframe is useful.
When casting the spell, whenever the time feels right, go into a portion where you 'teach' the spell how to listen for your instructions to lower defenses, and how it should operate when this occurs. ("Never stay unlocked beyond the next twilight; the guards named No Bane are eternal, but the guards named No Spying sometimes lie down to rest.")
You can always go back and "open up" old spells to modify loopholes and improve unlocking mechanisms
My paradigm allows for certain things:
Most spells are not so much mindless machines but rather are more like garden plots, or animals. They may be bad at performing a certain thing the first time you ask them to, but over multiple lessons, even a very stubborn spell might learn a new trick.
Therefore, it can take time to teach a spell how to do something new that it wasn't designed to do.
Learning can be improved by holding a formal class. This is the equivalent of taking the spell back into spellcasting space and partially re-casting new magic on top of the old base.
The gist of re-forging an old spell is to carefully outline what you want to change, remove, and add. Using your preferred spellcasting or ritual format, connect with the spell and provide new parameters.
I find this process to be different than casting an entirely new spell, so I think it's normal if it all seems a bit different.
Provide the spell with more energy, tie off the ritual as normal, and deploy the spell immediately or give it a little time to firm up, as you prefer.
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yourlildolliewriter · 7 months ago
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buzzing bees:
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7:30 am. That's when you needed to be at work. It was currently 6:40 am, you simply basked in the sun's rising glow. The same rising glow that you were met with every day. (E/c) eyes met the sun's rosy pink settle. After a while you left your kitchen and walked out to your car. You then sighed, started the car and began driving to work. Work was especially hard especially since you'd have to see Zeno. Not that it was hard for you to physically go to work but fucking hell your boss literally looked like some sort of magically handsome bodyguard from those sickening, but sweet romance novels you read. With a sigh you parked. Walking inside, waving and greeting your coworkers like usual before arriving to your desk, you placed your stuff down and began working. Working like you've probably won't do again, you sat there for a good while before eventually zeno walked in. Being flooded with meetings he was physically and botheringly stressed. That you could tell. Especially since you two were together since your 8th month at the office.
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It was now noon when he called you into his office. "(M/n);" zeno murmured, voice full of need and lust. "How can such a beautiful thing like you work here... An office filled of sluggers and dirt... And don't you dare say because of me." you gasped while zeno chuckled, he loved teasing you with his words before you two made out. He then sighed and with a boring old groan pulled you on his lap when you were close enough to him. Rolling his cloth, hardened manhood against your soft mounds of flesh. You simply whimpered as he did that. "gonna make you moan my name so loudly that we'll get caught... You like that huh? Getting caught fucking your boss?" zeno whispered against your skin, his hands playfully teasing you under your shirt. God he's never been so turned on before. You on the other hand simply let out tiny whimpers, moans and even gasps, trying not to alert your colleagues over. He hated sharing you with others with a burning passion. You were his and his alone. He's fucked you dumb on his office chair and send you off. But today, today was different... He'd make out with you before placing you on the desk. Working his way with your shirt's buttons. As soon as he got your buttons off he held you up and removed your shirt, sucking and kissing your chest while you writhed under him. His hands slid up from your thigh and to your nipples. Squeezing the bud gently between his fingers. He then wasted no time dragging his hands down to your pants. Feverishly taking it off. "Look at you... All pretty on display for me... All for me baby huh..." zeno whispered against you. Tugging down on the hem of your boxers, pulling it down after a few short ones. "Zeno not here! Someone could enter and see us!" you gasped. Desperately not trying to get caught with your boss. Zeno didn't care. He sighed, reached over to his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube and got to work on your hole.
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You didn't know how long it had been, round after round, orgasm after orgasm, zeno didn't release once. Like... At all! Not fair! His green colored eyes met your (e/c) his cock kissing your prostate with each heavy thrust he brought to you. Your (s/c) hands mingled in his black hair. You didn't even see the clock. 2:30. His next meeting which he was required to bring one person from his office to it with him. He was bringing you. You were about to moan when his phone rang. His hand shooting up to your mouth.
"Hello?" zeno simply said into the phone. "Ah, sorry. (M/n) and I can't make it." zeno chuckled softly "no no no everything's fine, it just (m/n) is sick and he asked me to watch him" zeno once again chuckled,his dick slamming into your prostate over and over again. You had to bite back at least another set of moans, All that were building up. "Yes yes I'll let you know when hes better. We'll reschedule to the 20th of October. Goodbye now." and with that, zeno hung up, looking down at your (e/c) eyes and your (s/c) skin marked up by him. Zeno, your boss... Your boyfriend. He eventually came after a while. Your last and final orgasm, for now, chased after his.
After he cleaned you off zeno gave you after care, letting you stay in his office until you were all better to work, and after work he'd take you home and pound you senseless all over again! This time letting you moan his name, trace his tattoos, run your hands through his hair and pulling him into a sloppy make out. All for you! He even let you have the week off for your Wobbleness. He didn't want to show you to your coworkers like that. Not at all. He hated the idea of them seeing what's his. Of them seeing you.
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A Break In Routine - Shane x Reader (Stardew Valley)
Another Shane SDV fic from my drafts with a couple strange gaps in it.
Warnings: mentions of recovering from alcoholism, being imperfect, guilt and self-loathing to a certain extent. Alcohol.
Word Count: 1.4k
Shane wasn't stupid. He knew you knew that. He noticed that, the closer you got, especially after that night on the cliff, you changed. Not so much in the way you dealt with him—you were kind and persevering as ever.
You stopped brewing. He had been out to the farm before, you had like ten kegs and an evergreen crop of hops and wheat to fuel them. And Shane wasn't stupid—he'd almost gone broke from buying the stuff before, so he knew it was lucrative. You'd have to be crazy to give that up. Farmers had it rough, especially ones that worked as hard as you. Having such an easy source of passive income should've been a no-brainer.
Oh, and you stopped bringing him alcohol. You were a social drinker—he'd seen you share Kahlua-and-coffee martinis with the good doctor or bond with Leah over a sweet red. But when it came to Pam and him, you were only ever seen with soda and some filling food in hand. He wondered if you thought he wouldn't notice. If he was too out of it or too naïve.
You visited JojaMart sometimes—normally just to check on him, never to buy anything—and you always had a tense look on your face whenever he was stocking the drinks section. That, that one actually hurt. Yeah, he had bad habits. He was working, only half successfully, on breaking them. But that made him think you really thought he had no self-control. That he was going to wander forward like a zombie and mindlessly rip into the Jack Daniels and Bud Lite. He shouldn't be trusted super far, but he thought he at least deserved the sliver of faith that would be required to believe that wouldn't happen.
That was what he was thinking about as he sat next to the fireplace, cola in a stein in his hand. See, he was doing better. He wasn't used to being fully lucid at this hour of the night, but he was getting there. It was significantly more uncomfortable, sitting there in silence when he wasn't half-catatonic. Everyone else was having a great time. Even Marnie was having a... whoa, beyond friendly conversation with the mayor. Hell, where were you, anyway? You were always trying so hard to make sure he wasn't alone, and now you leave him alone? Maybe he deserved it for all those times he blew you off.
"Hey!" You suddenly appeared in his line of vision. Suddenly, even completely sober, he couldn't sort out his feelings. He was grateful to you for watching out for him; he obviously couldn't do that himself. He was annoyed that you infantilized him. He was confused that you put up with him. Why didn't you just cut loose and stop holding yourself back for someone who has done nothing but screwed over their own life?
"What are you doing here?" Shane said. Crap. That wasn't what he meant to say, not at all. He meant to say 'Why do you stay? Why do you care? I'm not worthy of you.'
Your face fell and Shane needed a drink or six. "Trying to hang out with you," you responded, your voice edged with anger and sadness. "I was—y'know what, I'll leave you be, I just wanted to give this to you."
You held your closed hand out expectantly, and he obliged with an extended palm. 
You dropped a pearl into it.
"Wha—" his mouth dropped open in disbelief. "Oh, wow, Farmer, how did you know this is my favorite?"
You were already gone. He checked the clock on the opposite wall. Well, it was already 12. Maybe you just wanted to get a good night's sleep. He hoped that was all.
But Shane wasn't stupid.
When you exited your house at 6:10 AM sharp the next morning, you almost tripped over him before noticing that Shane was sitting on your steps. This was a huge break in his routine, and it worried you. "Shane? What're you—" You stopped yourself, realizing that you were parroting his words from the previous night. 
"I didn't mean what I said," Shane said abruptly. His murky brown eyes looked into yours with absolute earnesty, and you noticed something rather special about them. They weren't teary or red-striped. He wasn't hungover, at all. 
Your brow furrowed. "About what?"
"About—about... just, how I treat you, y'know. Always blowing you off and acting like you're not worth my time. I know it should be the other way around," his gaze dropped to the ground and he scuffed his foot against the wood of the front steps.
You lowered yourself to sit next to him, knees nearly touching. Time always seemed to stand still when you spoke to him—the sun was stuck in the sky, and you weren't worried about what you were going to get done that day.
"What do you mean, Shane?"
"You know what I mean, Farmer," he said, before exhaling and rubbing his hands on his pants. "I just... I'm not... good enough, for you. I'm a, uh, flash in the pan, I guess. What I'm trying to say... is I'm sorry," he sighed, risking looking up at you again.
Your eyes seemed to look through him. "Shane," you said gently. "You're good enough, for me, for anyone," you emphasized. "And I... do understand why you say the things you do, and they are unfortunate, but I appreciate you recognizing that and apologizing."
Shane looked from your piercing eyes, to your hand that was resting on your knee, centimeters from his, back to your eyes. "I'm trying. Really trying."
You took his hand, and his heart rate spiked. "I know you are, and I know that Marnie and Jas and I really appreciate it."
"Yeah," Shane whispered. Part of him felt guilty—that somehow, Jas wasn't enough to straighten him out. But he was grateful that somehow, you were.
Your thumb rubbed the back of his hand,  comforting him further. He wondered how you could stand touching him. Even after that touching speech, he had a hard time believing you. Even if his personality, his character, was something you seemed to admire, which was beyond him on its own, look at him. He had gained... a number of pounds in the past eight months, he shaved maybe every three days, despite getting a five o'clock shadow by the end of that day. His hair was a genuine disaster, even though Marnie refused to admit it. He was physically clean (most of the time), and that was basically where the pros stopped.
"Thank you so much for coming over here this morning, Shane," you said. Shane had to suppress a shiver at the way you said his name. It didn't sound the way anyone else ever said it. Maybe it was just his imagination. 
But he was more than happy to keep imagining it. "I can't tell you... how much it means to me, that you're reaching out and, and trying. In the most non-patronizing way, I'm proud of you."
He could almost feel tears welling in his eyes. "You're—you're proud of me?"
He hadn't heard that since high school.
"Yeah, of course," you nodded genuinely.
He laughed, almost in disbelief. "Thanks."
You let go of his hand, and Shane had the chance to experience a split-second of disappointment before you used your now free arms to wrap him in a hug. "You can tell me if this is okay or not," you said, your words muffled by his Joja jacket.
"It's okay," he responded quickly, trying not to squeeze you too tightly.
You pulled back, wondering for a moment if it would be going too far, before you decided to press a quick kiss to his cheek. You stood, walking off to water your crops. "I should probably let you go, you don't wanna be late for work."
Shane's face was all pink, and he nodded after a moment's delay. "Right, yeah, um...thanks for listening to me," he stood as well. "See you later."
You watched him take the path from your house into town, zipping up his jacket against the wind. He had patched the holes in it.
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aliens8n · 2 months ago
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LEONA NSFW ABCs
I skipped some letters because I felt like there’s only so much that works for him that isn’t repetitive! 
Warning: Nsfw theme, mention of rut.
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
This is the “lazy” lion we are talking about so let’s be honest after good fucking this man would give you aftercare but the bare minimum like a quick wipe down and some cuddles… After all, that’s all an herbivore like you need right? Now be a good lover and enjoy the comforts of his arm. 
B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of their partner's)
Leona enjoys any part with a good chunk of squishy meat that being his preference ranges from thighs, asses, tummies, and chest. This depends on his partner’s body type but if he had to choose one he always chose the stomach area to nuzzle against and honestly just used it as a pillow with a few sneaky pinches and bites. 
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)
He doesn’t do anything unique or special with it. He doesn’t even think much about it as he trashes the condom. However, there is one special occasion that he may focus more on and that is when he is in rut. Like any proper male lion, he is trying to impregnate you and with that, a single drop can’t be wasted and has to stay plugged into you until he is satisfied whether it is with a plug of some sort or his cock. 
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He won’t ever openly admit it but the predator and prey stuff gets him going especially if you're going to play along with him and tease him about it. It is the quickest way to get his blood pumping between his legs, but of course, like most games, if you play with anyone at this damned college you're risking some lash back so beware. Catch him at the wrong moment and you’ll be limping and dripping the entire way to your next class… well if you manage to escape him anyway. 
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
This guy is well-experienced with common sense. He may not have a lot of hands-on experience but you hardly have to worry about that fact. He is confident in what he is doing and if he has a question he knows how to google or just ask you. 
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)
He is more serious when in the moment, like he may say something to make you giggle but it wasn’t on purpose so you might get a “look”.
H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
He is a very well-groomed man, he uses expensive overpriced name-brand razors to keep himself well-trimmed and very pristine.
L = Location (Favorite places to do they do)
He prefers to do it in his bedroom over anywhere but he isn’t going to waste time going there if one of his favorite nap spots is available like the bionic garden.
N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)
Want to kill his boner? Degrade him where it hurts, he isn’t really into degradation and if it is the simple things like friendly teasing he won’t mind it but get too into it, he will just stop and tell you to shut the hell up. 
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
He prefers to be given oral satisfaction, he isn't too picky on how you do it either as long as it isn't some roundabout way to tease him. Now when he gives oral expect it to be very lazy, it isn’t like he is bad at it but it isn’t intense or overwhelming... It just gets the job done, plus when he does it, it is more for his pleasure than yours.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Leona isn’t fully into quickies, if he's going to do something that requires energy then he’s going to take his sweet time. He goes at his own pace and wants to make the moment worthwhile. 
T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
He won’t go out of his way to get them, but if he sees you have taken an interest then he will buy some and if he is purchasing some then he is going to get a few that interest him to test on you. He isn’t into using them on himself as to him you are all he needs and a hand if he is THAT desperate. 
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
This man SHOULD whimper just to humor us but nope, all you’re getting out of him is a small grunt and growl here and there. 
W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)
The base of his tail is a bit of a spot and he will get a bit more defensive about it once you discover it. To him, it is as sneaky as a quick-ass slap. Fair warning each time you manage to get him off guard he WILL get you back!
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galene-gothic · 1 year ago
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𝖧𝗈𝗐 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
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˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
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⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱
Let's look at what your best self looks like first, your best self is selectively honest. They don't tell others what they want next. They evaluate themself and are self critical to a certain extent. They are sort of self absorbed. They understand that ignorance is bliss and know how to ignore things or people when need be. They are especially really good at ignoring people that they can't have or people from the past. They are still quite fearless though. They understand that it's better to be attacked than ignored. They meditate often and know how to relax. They need and prioritise peace, and their actions align with that. They never bite more than they can chew, they know how to step away from situations that they cannot handle. They try to stay away from conflict and choose themself first no matter what. They know how to become the bigger person. They take care of themself, self reflect and know how to heal properly. They know how to not make rash decisions. They're wise and detached. They've surrendered, they know that if they cannot control it, there's no use worrying and if they can control it, it's better to do so rather than worry. They've released old beliefs and patterns. They have a faith that things will work out, be it faith in themself, faith in god, faith in life or faith in the universe. They're mindful, intentional and know how to let go. They know how to grow, they're also successful. They believe that the pain of discipline is better than the pain of regret. They're quite passive and know how to let life happen for them, they're still someone who takes necessary action though. So, how do you become them? You need a rest, not gonna lie.
Some of you might be drained out to the point where you cannot focus in school or on work. You need to address your self esteem issues. Supposing, you are really self conscious when it comes to performing, you always feel like your body won't look good if you put too much energy so you end up putting less energy in but when you do so, you feel disappointed at yourself for not doing well. In that case, you should try to improve your dance skills. You're someone who has an understanding that being pretty doesn't do enough for you, it's the same with being rich, and the way you are as a person and the way you present yourself are all very important to you. I think it's important for you to build certain skills to a point where you can be really proud, it'll significantly boost your self esteem which will in turn help you for the better. It requires consistency though, don't be lazy !! You need to release negative thoughts, feelings, habits and patterns. You might have gotten really comfortable with your pain, it's important to heal. Your deepest traumas are either already surfacing/resurfacing or will soon, that's when it'll be the easiest to change. You need to stop stressing like just know that "what happens, happens." You need to face life and have a total break down first. You should withdraw from stuff. You'll go through something very humbling, you'll be left feeling really put down. You'll not even have it in yourself to look strong anymore, you'll be exposing weakness because you'll just not have the strength to conceal it. You'll have to accept defeat first and things will get better soon. You'll have to have a lot of anger, pain, shame, guilt and regrets in order to completely change your life, all the best, it'll probably come in soon.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱
Let's look at what your best self looks like, your best self has unlimited potential and sees it. Your best self has freedom in some sense, be it financial or something else. Your best self is someone who had to let go of who they were in order to become who they're meant to be. Your best self has a carefree attitude. I just heard 'be yourself'. When I say this, some of you might think that you're doing it already but if you think about it properly you'll notice that you tend to either act childlike even though you're very mature, dumb even though you're very smart, don't express your values as articulately as you think about them, etc. Some of you could be really good at written expression of your thoughts, ideas and feelings but when it comes to talking, you're not the best. Your best self is not scared of being unique. Your best self takes risks because they understand that most of the times not taking a risk is the biggest risk. Your best self has a thirst for life and is passionate. You might be really passionate as a person (most of you seem to have that side of you diminished though). Your best self has fun regardless of what others say. One quality that you already have is your ability to analyse yourself, you are not the type to avoid accountability and blaming external factors for every little thing. You have some sort of an inner guidance, your mindset gives you the capacity to be completely alone if necessary. I feel like a deep part of you desires or used to desire solitude, peace and spiritual enlightenment. Most of you have started your spiritual journey already, some of you haven't though. It doesn't have to be something too deep like 'light candles every full moon, meditate every morning, light sage and incenses often' but instead that you feel like everything that happened was for a reason or even if it feels like it wasn't.
You learn and make something out of it, you know how to live life and try to grow as a person, and have faith (be it in the universe or in yourself). You might be quite philosophical too. You have a lot of wisdom, people who are slightly older than you and see you for who you are might say things like "you're so mature for your age". Ofcourse, there are some things that you'll have to get rid of in order to become your best self, I feel like most of you have mostly/only had short term unstable relationship/s which have caused you to have a lot of baggage. You could have poor health (I heard a poor immune system, bad sleep schedule and poor gut health). You might also be financially dependent on someone else or just not be financially stable, it's causing you to not be able to gain certain skills or knowledge, etc. Even if you do not notice it, you have a tendency of getting stuck in your head often. You lack spontaneity and need mental stimulation/challenges/someone who seems to be equally as intelligent as you so you could have been stuck in toxic friendships/relationships with people who think that and act like they know everything. You're a very fair person, so being with people who don't share the same values or reasoning as you will be frustrating, I'd advise you to not interact with such people to the point of forming am emotional attachment. You'll have to find a source of motivation or something that just reignites the passion in you. Stop being lazy, simply just planning isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to find a new purpose basically. Focus on a purpose, money, drive and having fun. It's important to learn how to be true to yourself and not get easily influenced. You should go out and have some fun too. All the best, I'm rooting for you but you need to be rooting for yourself ten times harder.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱
Your best self holds pure intentions towards others and has a good nature. Your best self is also very attractive and follows their heart. They're driven and have a great imagination. They romanticise life and are in love with love. They listen to their intuition and take action towards their goals with a hope in their heart. They have a creative hobby that they might have suppressed that they choose to enhance. They're charming and friendly with people. One thing that I'm getting is that they're someone who everyone has a crush on to a certain extent. They receive a lot of jealousy and envy from others. They don't let anger get the best of them. They think calmly and orderly. They accept different beliefs and paths. They could be someone who's tired though, like really tired physically (they could do a lot). They're accepting of other people's differences. They find solutions to issues instead of going around blaming others. They prioritise peace and don't lose sight of the path. You need to face yourself instead of quick fixing issues that lead to long term detriment. If you're having fights, etc. the moment you forgive them (whether it is at their face or by yourself, without letting them know, that's up to you) and resolve conflicts (including your inner conflicts), you'll start developing into your best self. You have convinced yourself that you have certain beliefs that don't align with you and you need to get rid of them. You're not seeing the brighter side of life and that's hindering you from becoming your best self too.
I feel like what's led to this mild-extreme pessimism is your over optimism in the past. A happy and exciting event seems to have turned wrong. It's going to take you a lot of work to become your best self. You'll have to take up a lot of responsibilities and be really loaded with things to do if you want to become your best self. You'll have to be serious about life and will be stressed quite often. I just heard 'too busy to even eat'. There are excessive requirements and conditions for you to become the best version of yourself. You'll have to put yourself through intense pressure. You'll have to take up a lot of responsibilities too though, try to improve your own character alongside working on building something for yourself. It'll be really easy to burn out though because of how much you'll be doing. You need to mean how to not commit easily to others. You need to challenge others instead of just letting them into your life. Your best self follows their heart but is not easy to get. You need to become hard to get and easy to lose. You need to learn how to make quick decisions and take quick actions. It's important for you to be on a dedicated mission to succeed. Discipline yourself and build confidence. Build so much confidence that when someone you love does you wrong, you know that you can just let go, and find better people and treatment. Become self assured. It's important for you to just go for the things that you want. If you try, you'll get there little by little, all the best.
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utilitycaster · 5 months ago
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(well, my feelings on Laudna are documented but I do think Imogen is a great character)
Oh! I found your blog rather recently but did you write Laudna meta early on? Or did you mean when the recent Delilah stuff went down?
I do not want to go too far into it and I suspect some of it is untagged (I have to find a way to tag for myself and not for the main character tags when writing crit) but in short: Laudna just...isn't a well thought out character. At every single Q&A panel and 4SD Marisha's summary boils down to "I wanted to make someone creepy, and then I thought 'what about a sun tree corpse, and what if her patron was Delilah'" and it it kind of stops there. When you couple it with the fact that Imogen was terrified of having any conflict with her until it became the only option, it really was like...I know Delilah was a big part of her backstory but Laudna did very little with her until episode 77 of the campaign. Like, for reference, Fjord had already helped fulfill 2/3rds of what his patron wanted and then broken his pact, gone without powers for almost 4 episodes, and found a new patron by pretty much exactly that point. There was almost no engagement with what it means to be a sorcerer (which Imogen covers skillfully even with all the new stuff that was thrown at Laura) and it was very little with an anticlimatic payoff for warlock (which, see Fjord, but also I'm not a big fan of Yu and at least they covered that concept adeptly).
Like...I remember at an early panel Marisha said "I don't want to think anymore" and the thing is like...it shows. Made a nonromanceable character and then said yes when romance came up. Didn't initially plan to take more warlock levels (already undercutting the idea of Delilah having much of a hold on her). Envisioned her character would be over her trauma and then extremely wasn't.
There's PCs I've disliked far more, or had more trouble with - Laudna's never been unlikeable. But she's always been just...profoundly disappointing until I gave up on her not being disappointing and decided she'd be there and do some cool things occasionally and never contribute a lot in the way of story.
For what it's worth, and this ties back to some of my thoughts on Campaign 3 generally, I do think that the CR cast could do another campaign in D&D in Exandria and it could achieve the heights of (pick C1 or C2 depending on personal preference; mine is C2 but I respect a C1 answer). But it requires a real session zero. I think the cast counts their mini playtests as a session zero, and I get it, because with the main cast there's not that same need to set personal boundaries or lines and veils because they know each other. But there isn't that same full-group planning. They've been releasing their Candela and Daggerheart session zeroes and just put out their Moonward one as well, and they talked extensively about the Calamity and Downfall planning sessions, and it's just...again, it shows. I think C1 and C2 work because, as I said in my post just now about Marquet, the characters sort of set the world and the campaign came from them. Once you have a more set plot in a more solidified world, I think you need to have that kind of group discussion, and they didn't, and Laudna especially feels indicative of that because I think a few pointed questions and Marisha would have realized there needed to be more to work with.
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siconetribal · 5 months ago
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Beyond the Bookshelves (8)
Pairing: Loki x Reader
Warnings: Friendly banter, overworking
Summary: You’re a Resource Management Specialist at S.H.I.E.L.D. normally referred to as “The Librarian”. You’ve been assigned the nightmarish task of digitizing all the physical resources currently owned by the agency, with a few new computers and one extra helper.
A/N:
Please comment/like/reblog. If you’d like to be tagged moving forward, please let me know! (If I missed any tags, please let me know, I’ll add you right away!) I’d also greatly appreciate it if rebloggers remember to add the tags (or some at least).
The lovely banners used in this fic are from @cafekitsune.
If you’re new to the story, please check out the master post for the rest of the chapters.
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“You have it?” Loki raised a brow at this, pulling out his phone to see her full name and some extra information about her that Steve had stored on his phone. The sight of it only made his mood even more sour as he shoved the device back into the pocket it came from after saving it. “Quite a bit of information you have saved on here.”
“Yeah? It’s stuff I picked up on overtime.” The innocent, casual shrug of his shoulders held arrogance in the eyes of the God of Mischief. A smug punctuation of how the star-studded super soldier was able to freely come and go from the library and he was not.
“Oh? ‘Just stuff’ that you picked, huh? ‘Overtime’ you say? What kind of ‘just stuff’ did you save overtime?” Tony leaned in closer, a smug little smirk on his face with a twinkle of interest in his eyes.
“It’s not what you’re thinking, Tony. Y/N and I are just friends. Don’t go spreading unnecessary rumors. It’s nice to just have someone to talk to and not have to worry too much.” The stern tone in his voice earned a groaning sigh and eye roll from the impulsive scientist. “Also, dating in the workplace is unprofessional and would inevitably lead to complications.” 
Romantic involvements are always troublesome. Loki silently agreed, the tension in his shoulders slipping away as Steve made it clear that there was nothing going on between the two of them. The last thing I need is her feeding him misinformation or him spying for her to see what I’m saying or doing. I require access to the library, not an extended sentence. He reasoned with himself.
“Mr. Rules strikes again, don’t you know any other tricks? Or is justice and teacher’s pet your only ones? I don’t even know why I bother talking to you, give me her number. There’s something there, I know there is!” Loki sat up straight at the words that came out of the short Midgardian. His eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Share her contact with me.” The prince’s eye twitched at the demand. He could not fathom why all of them wanted her number now that it was clear that none of them actually had it. What good was there in having contact information for someone that would never be contacted.
Especially when his interests were more fickle than the tide, ever-changing from one stupid notion to the next.
“I’ll pass on that,” Steve rolled his eyes at the petulant child look that Tony gave him. Loki silently agreed with this decision. “But you’re more than welcomed to get it from yourself.”
No, he is not! What sort of denial is that?! You may as well have given him the damned number if you’re giving permission to get it! His jaw ached from how tightly it was clenched, his leg rapidly bouncing under the table. Thor noticed the changes in his younger brother’s demeanor, but said nothing. He figured the company of the others was the cause, and as the elder of the two, he thought it best that Loki grew accustomed to the presence of the other Avengers.
“Are you gatekeeping her number? Why not just give it to me?”
“Because, I want you to actually work for something. Plus, this is just you trying to get under my skin, and you’re not actually going to go after her to get her number, Tony, I know you. This is a shiny new toy that you’re going to forget about the moment something else comes along.”
“You do like to play with things and toss ‘em aside when you’re bored.” Clint agreed, sipping his drink as he nudged the empty tray forward. “You’re not actually going to call her anyway.”
“Et tu, Robin Hood?” Tony gasped in horror. “Is that what all of you think of me? That I’m someone so callous to just use a poor innocent maiden like Y/N and just throw her away like yesterday’s newspaper the next day? I am offended. I’ll show you, me and her, we’re going to be like this.” He entwined his index and middle finger of one hand before standing up from the table. “You’ll see, and you’ll all regret it!” He threw his nose into the air and left, the others amused by his dramatics as they continued to not take him seriously. The only person not amused was Loki. They all goaded the chatty Tin-Man into actually getting her number instead of leaving her alone, the exact opposite of what should have been done.
It’s horrible enough that Major Constellations over here frequents the place, and he’s friendly with her, now I’ll have to share my sanctuary with that aluminum can? I refuse to accept this! There has to be some logic I’m missing, unless this is all some ploy to ruin my peace and quiet. No, I can’t be, can it? They’re all trying to ruin what little solace I have here? He eyed the remainder of the group suspiciously. Thor is working with me on that infernal project that started this mess, I doubt he is tied to it. The straight-laced sergeant only comes when he needs to for missions. I don’t think I’ve seen the bird-man there. That leaves just that nuisance of an existence, but his focus is currently on troubling their leader. Perhaps that is all there is to it? If it truly is, then I have nothing to worry about, so long as I get to her first and convince her to not share her contact information. To do that, I need her to first lift this Stygian banishment!
“Well, I thank you for her number, you proved most helpful in this matter of miscommunication. I should start putting my efforts towards composing a proper response, so I take my leave.” Loki stood from the table and left without giving anyone a chance to pry anymore than they already had.
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“Director Y/LN, looks like everything checks out here. The programs are all running and there hasn’t been any repetition of the errors we first faced.” The weary voice of her subordinate pulled Y/N’s attention from her laptop screen.
“About time,” Y/N pushed a chipper tone into her voice to mask the true exhaustion that had taken lodging inside her. Lacing her fingers together, she turned her palms outwards and stretched as she sighed. “I swear, technology isn’t as amazing as it’s cracked up to be…especially when it flops like this first thing.” She grumbled as she logged the successful trial and cleared this site as operational.
“When it acts up, I can’t agree more. When it’s working, I have no complaints.” Her subordinate’s soft chuckle could not mask the fatigue. “C’mon, it’s late, but we still have time to grab dinner. The rest of us are heading out to celebrate that we’re finally online!” The eager twinkle in those brown eyes made the offer more tempting, but Y/N had to decline. 
“You gotta join us, Chief!” Another chimed in, hearing her answer.
“Pretty please?” Came another plea.
“I really wish I could, but I’ve got a red-eye to catch. I need to finalize and submit the report before I’m off.” Y/N closed her laptop and pointed to the large clock on the wall.
“Damn, they’re really not giving you any wiggle room, huh?”
“That’s not fair at all! Other directors don’t go running around like they’re making you. This is abuse!”
“Let’s not get too hasty, I choose to handle certain things personally to make sure it’s done properly. It reduces the chances of unnecessary back-and-forth. Next time we can celebrate, I promise. Thanks for all your hard work, everyone. Let’s keep it up and get this project completed as soon as possible.” With a chorus of confirmations and cheers. Y/N packed her things and gave one last wave before leaving back to her hotel. 
She dropped back onto the awaiting mattress, heaving a heavy sigh as she finally let the fatigue show itself. For the last five weeks, Y/N flew between all the S.H.I.E.L.D. locations that had a library department to manage the setup and checks of the new system that was provided per location as promised. She had been formally trained on the software, but sat through the boring session with the staff each and every time it was given. There was no doubt in her mind that if she were to die now, her last words would probably be incoherent ramblings from the lecture. The only good news in all this was that she was finally done. This flight would bring her one step closer to her much-needed comfy bed in her small, cozy apartment.
Forcing herself up, she pulled out her laptop to edit her report one last time before sending it off and logging out for the remainder of the evening. She changed to something comfortable and made sure everything was packed away and ready to go before ordering room service.
At least they don’t cheap out on where I stay and pick up the tab entirely. She leaned back into the padded headboard that was attached to the wall. “Did I check in to my flight? Crap, I don’t think I did.” She muttered, feelings round the covers until she found her phone hidden away under a pillow. A good hour and a half was burned away through all her editing and rechecking the report. Her stomach growled in protest. Gently patting the disgruntled creature, she quickly checked in through the app and sighed with relief at the boarding pass notification on her status bar. It was then that she noticed the message notification that was sitting there unread, still. 
The corners of her lips tugged downwards into a frown. Y/N could have sworn that she read all of her messages. Opening the texting application, she noticed the unknown number had sent about 3 messages to her, the latest being from a couple of days ago. Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the glowing screen, trying to recall anything. When nothing came to her, she gave in and opened the chat. Her jaw dropped as it all cam rushing back to her.
Oh shit, I’m in trouble now! She lightly and rapidly hit the heel of her left hand into her forehead several times. Way to go, Y/N, you completely ignored someone for almost three weeks now! “What do I do, what do I do?! Obviously, I need to reply, but how?!” She bit her lower lip, typing, reading, erasing, and retyping too many times to count before giving up at the knock at her door. Paying the server a tip, she sat at the table and began to eat. Clearly she needed food to get her brain in some semblance of working order as she reread the messages.
<Librarian, this is Loki, the second prince of Asgard. It has come to my attention that you have been working under a misunderstanding. Remove the banishment order.> It was the first text that came roughly three weeks ago.
<Librarian, this is not amusing. You placed a banishment order with no means for me to rectifying your misunderstanding by leaving the facility. Remove it at once.> This second text came four days after the first.
<Why do you not answer me, woman? I have repeatedly asked you to remove your misguided decision, and it has yet to be fixed.>  This text, which made her snort, came almost two weeks ago. <I know you have read my texts.> 
None of this is asking me anything, you’re demanding. She rolled her eyes.
<Perhaps my prior texts were not properly worded. As per the insistent pestering of my brother and the others, I am messaging you again. I did not intentionally ignore you the day you banished me from the library. I had just come from a lengthy training session and review/strategy meeting afterwards. The only thing I had done between then and arriving at the library was to refresh myself in my quarters to be more presentable in public. The ‘promise’ I made slipped my mind completely, but I had no control over that matter due to how long it took. You make ask your precious admiral if you wish to confirm my story, or you can request the data of that session to prove the time. With all that being said, I understand why you would be upset. I would greatly appreciate it if you would remove the order given to the system so that I may read peacefully in the library once more.> She was surprised to see such a lengthy text coming after all the short, demanding ones that came before it. What surprised her even more was the last text sent earlier today when she was fighting with the program errors. <Are you alright? You have not read my last text.><Sorry for replying so late, I was tied up with my work. Also, I accept your ‘apology’. By ‘admiral’, do you mean CAPTAIN America, Steve?> It took her a minute to realize who he was referring to, and she nearly fell out of her seat laughing at the mistake no one has ever made. At least not to her. <Why would I go ask him or check the records? I doubt you’re lying about a long session, I trust you. Sadly, you’ll have to wait until I’m back on site to cancel the order. I can only do those type of changes while on S.H.I.E.L.D. grounds and on their network. Good news is I’ll be back Monday, so just two more days!> She confidently sent her reply and finished the rest of her meal. Glancing at the clock, she sighed and called for the driver to come as she made her way to the lobby and checked out. Soon you’ll be home, Y/N, soon.
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Tags: @vbecker10 @huntress-artemiss @softestqueeen @thegodofnotknowing @princess-ofthe-pages @firedrakegirl @rcailleachcola @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lotrefcp @lwtannie @jainaeatsstars @msdjsg7 @tom-hlover @kneelingformyloki @gruftiela @gigglingtiggerv2 @kats72 @mischief2sarawr @evalynanne
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keesdarlin · 1 year ago
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☆// mine, yours (MDNI 18+)
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info! 141 / fluff, established relationship (sort of) + gender neutral reader
cw! implied past self hatred, negative self image, mental health recovery, healing vibes
prompt! "i wanna be mine, wanna be yours" Mine / Yours by Wilbur Soot
notes! god i'm Really trying to not make it a habit to use wilbur soot lyrics as prompts but it's hard when they're so good please forgive me. also just as a disclaimer, the whole "you have to love yourself before you can be loved by someone else" thing is bullshit. date who you want when you want. the only thing that matters is that you actually want to get there with yourself
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PRICE:
honestly, john is the king of praise and reassurance. he sees how much you struggle sometimes, especially with your faith in your skills. as a solution, he finds ways to give you lots of praise for your hard work on the side. it’s hardly in front of other recruits or, god forbid, the rest of the 141 guys, but only because he doesn’t feel like getting accused of picking favorites (even though everyone already knows anyways). besides, that praise isn’t for everyone else. it’s for you. he never gives you pointers unprompted because he doesn’t want you to feel like he’s rushing you along. he tries his best to give you the room to take things at your own pace. always asks if he can give you an idea to maybe make things easier or if he should explain something in a different way. every once in a while you have a day where whatever you’re doing is just a little bit… more than usual. a little bit more difficult, taking a little bit more time, requiring a little bit more focus than you’re used to. john spends a little bit more time with you on those days, not to babysit you or coddle you, but just to make sure that you’re feeling alright about things. when you finally get it right, he can’t help but break out in a grin with a quiet, “good job, sergeant.”
GAZ:
gaz is huge on compliments. he’s always the first one to tell you how amazing you look every day. it’s easy to struggle with loving the way you look, he knows, so he does his best to try and mitigate that. don’t get him wrong; he’s not complimenting you out of obligation or pity. he compliments you because he believes it and he wants you to believe it too. will compliment anything from your makeup (if you wear any) to your outfit to your new shoes. he just thinks you’re the shit.
kyle also puts a lot of focus on acts of service. although you’re on a journey of self love and learning how to be healthily independent rather than hyper-independent, there’s a lot of skill to build in areas where it comes to when and if you should be leaning on other people. it’s hard, he knows, but he wants to help you practice! so he watches you, surprisingly in tune with your needs, and tries to meet you halfway. it’s not that he doesn’t think that you can do it yourself. in fact, he’s certain that you can. it’s more that this is his way of helping teach you that it’s alright to accept help. he doesn’t always ask first, but he’ll do a little something when he knows you’ve had a rough day. when he sees the exhaustion that hides in the way that you roll your neck, or the way that your shoulders hike up to your ears with anxiety, or the tired sigh that leaves your lips when you finally get a chance to sit down. and it’s not always something big. usually him doing your dishes “on accident” or because he had the extra time, or making a little extra dinner for you so that you don’t have to make your own, or bringing you a glass of water even though you didn’t ask for one. he knows he doesn’t have to, he knows that you’re capable of doing all this stuff yourself, but he wants you to know that you’re not going it alone. not as long as he’s there.
SOAP:
johnny uses a lot of patience and encouragement with you, mostly in moments of frustration, and sometimes a little instruction. an aspect of the self care journey that you find yourself struggling a lot with is remembering to be patient with yourself. you can sometimes find yourself going off the rails a little bit, but soap is here to help reel you back in. without sounding patronizing, he’ll remind you to take a step back from the situation for a second, take a breath, go for a walk, whatever you need to do to zone in, and then come back after.
one day you’re down at the shooting range when the frustration hits. normally, you’re a pretty good shot, but for some reason today you can’t hit near the middle of the target for the life of you. another shot missed and you sigh sharply, barely managing to stifle the groan and curses that threaten to escape you.
“you doing alright?” soap asks from somewhere behind you.
“fine, thanks,” you mutter through clenched teeth. you don’t bother to look back at him, closing one eye as you try to focus your aim.
soap hums. steps forward, sets a gentle hand on your shoulder. you take the hint and lower your gun, huffing as you turn to look at him. “alright. you’re doing pretty well so far, but let’s take a deep breath and try it all again, aye bonnie? i’ll help.”
you roll your eyes but inhale deep anyways. soap nods as he watches your shoulders fall with the exhale. “good job, lamb. now come ‘ere. ‘m gonna help you adjust to this gun.”
GHOST:
simon doesn’t tolerate negative self-talk. you guys talked about it once, how you want to be better about being kind to yourself. sure, sometimes that can mean taking a self care day or going out for a night with some friends or sitting down and taking some time to do something intentional. but those all have the potential to be pretty time consuming. something you can do every day, all the time no matter what you might be up to is saying something nice about yourself. it’s definitely weird the first few times; you didn’t realize before how much shit you talk about yourself every day, so the new hyper-awareness is a little bit anxiety-inducing. but once you adjust to the strangeness of it, it actually starts to feel kind of nice. every time you say something kind about yourself and find yourself meaning it, a spot of pride pulses warmly in your chest. it can still be difficult sometimes. some days, when things feel a little bit darker, a little bit heavier, you find yourself insulting your mistakes and talking down to yourself. but simon is right there with you to remind you. “you wanna try that again?” he asks nonchalantly when he hears you utter a quiet ‘oof, i’m dumb.’
you blush, but nod. “yeah, sorry. uhm… i’m not dumb, i’m just distracted and i’ll do better.”
he never gives a verbal response to your self-compliments, just a nod and, if you’re lucky, a little smile.
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celestialprincesse · 1 year ago
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🪩♢
The 141 casino, usually bustling at all hours of both the day and night, is surprisingly quiet when you make your way in through the side door, the usual suspects undoubtedly having been ushered out by security in order to allow the cleaners to do their job, for the dealers to sort through their cards and the boss upstairs to keep an eye on his club whilst there's no one to keep an eye on him.
It's hard not to feel relieved at the lack of women in beautiful dresses and double digit karats who normally make an appearance in your day-to-day life, leering at you as though you're the one in control of their husbands stares. Occasionally you've had patrons invite you back to their rooms with them and their partners, mostly in the hopes of spicing up their otherwise non-existent sex lives, or trying to seem far more liberal and easygoing than they are. It's really not the compliment they think it is, more verbalising their perception of you as essentially a sex toy on legs, made only for their pleasure. One look at the shiny pole supported by a perspex platform up at the front of the room reminds you that the latter is somewhat true.
"Well, look at who the cat dragged in." Kyle's observation is quiet, his clear earpiece hanging down the lapel of his jacket whilst he nurses a whiskey at the otherwise empty bar. "And here I was thinking that you only came out at night." His warm accent continues to chide as you drop your duffel and begin to remove your hoodie and sweats in favour of more practical clothes, less slippery.
"Got hungry." You quip back, long used to the old vampire joke which Kyle and MacTavish find to be particularly amusing, especially after a few rounds after a shift.
"Come to work on some new stuff?" The bouncer admires you over the rim of his glass, just like he does every night after his shift wraps up and he sits behind the bar, watching you with reverent eyes through the mirrored backsplash, protecting you long after he's required to.
"I've been meaning to for a while now. S' been too busy to get into the feel of things most days though." Your murmured response fills the room as you stretch your arms so hard your shoulders pop.
"I liked that one you tried out a while ago the star .. star girl?" "Stargirl? The Lana one?" You murmur, looking up to him as you stretch before checking that everything is secure with the pole.
"Yeah, yeah that one. Suits you. Shining and whatnot."
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ghoulfuckersincorporated · 7 months ago
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I’ve been a lurker for a little bit and I love your stuff, could we pretty please get some Headcanons for Charon or Gob. I’m on my knees over here they have like no fanfic or content 😭
What a coincidence, I literally just posted headcanons for Gob here (NSFW), and our favorite bouncer is next. I also have long-form works for both in the pipe, but the Charon piece already has some serious work done on it.
Charon's writing frustrates me endlessly tbh. He's so intriguing (and fuckable, obviously), but there's so little there in the canon to answer the questions you naturally have about him. So, I may be taking a few liberties here.
Charon (Fallout 3) NSFW Headcanons
I firmly believe he's prewar, and I think he's been enslaved/"under contract" since he became a ghoul. Regardless of how the whole contract thing works, he has the same issue as Gob where he hasn't been allowed to have desires or boundaries, just in a different way (Charon is obviously able to defend himself physically, and even technically has some manner of free will, but he knows that there are often unpleasant consequences for failing to obey his contract holder). The man IS a slave, but a strangely complicated one. If you want meaningless sex, he'll give it to you. Whether or not he actually wants or enjoys it, you'll never know without a real connection or a long, long time of studying his general behavior. He's incredibly hard to read up front, agreeable but not really warm or open.
His contract is supposed to entitle the holder to his labor in combat, so he's not really required to do anything else, as far as I can tell, including have sex with them if they ask, but I think he would use it as a sort of excuse to do so if he was already inclined.
You can't give him the contract or otherwise "free" him from his enslavement in the game, but in my opinion, that's silly. Sure, I think it would take a long time of him getting used to the idea of it, but I also think he'd certainly WANT to no longer be a slave at some point. Eventually, the contract is moreso an excuse. He never takes it from you when you offer it to him; he's following you because he has nowhere else to go, because he wants to. Eventually, he's following you because he's in love with you in his own way. But as long as you physically hold that piece of paper, he has the excuse.
If he does care about you, he will resist your physical advances, at least at first. He believes he's protecting you, as he always does, by sparing you from the social consequences of choosing to be with a ghoul. However, at the end of the day, he wants you, too, and eventually he won't be able to deny himself, especially if he knows you won't deny him. Even then, he'll kind of hate himself for being too weak to not fall in love with you, and he'll feel insanely guilty and selfish for not letting you go like he should. He's a fairly morose man overall, and I think he'd spend a lot of time pondering what the consequences of you two choosing one another this way will inevitably be.
Even with that under consideration, he'd still be happy with you. Keeping you safe and happy is pleasing to him (even if he likes to feign annoyance at your little peculiarities and your choices sometimes), and you'd get to slowly, painstakingly slowly begin to see him sort of begin to become his own man again. Over time, he'll talk more, but it's still almost always to ask about you, to remark about something that isn't himself.
Speaking of which, once he begins to "wake up", so to speak, become more aware of his newly-granted autonomy and his desires, as well as your own, he's gonna be rearing to go all the time. Slowly, he's gonna become fully cognizant of the fact that you really do want him as much as he wants you, so...why shouldn't you be fucking right this second, again? Doesn't really matter where you are. Who's gonna stop him from fucking you? Who's gonna succeed if they try? What I'm saying is this: I hope you're ready to basically be a free-use pocket pussy for this big-ass ghoul.
Some ghouls, like Cooper Howard, were once pretty serious ladies' men who've developed some hard edges over their long lives; despite this, that charisma often remains buried somewhere deep inside them, waiting to jump out at the right person. Charon is not that. This man had zero game before the war and he has less than none now. If you want traditional romantic gestures from him, you are going to have to specifically explain and request them, as unromantic as that may sound on its face. He wants to see you happy, but he's never really had to think romantically, so it doesn't come naturally to him at all. He knows about foreplay as a concept, but lacks patience and finesse when it comes to getting things started. Lots of shoving his hand up your shirt, down your pants sort of awkwardly in the beginning. Roughly groping you to signal he's in the mood to the point where it sort of hurts.
You know what they say about men? The dense ones fuck the hardest. Charon IS that; he's not unintelligent, just a very straightforward thinker. But he's obviously great at following directions, including when you beg him to fuck you until you can't stand.
He's just as quiet during sex as he is normally, save for a few grunts and growls and occasionally asking if you're okay, but you may notice over time that he's more physically affectionate. Likes to stroke your face, pet your hair, pepper you with kisses in a way he usually doesn't. I think he would see you being distracted by him rearranging your guts as an opportunity to be slightly more vulnerable.
Big fan of cockwarming. Already likes to just hold you in his arms while you both do something quiet, but he likes it even more when you're doing whatever you're doing slid down on his cock. His favorite is when you climb up into his lap, naked from the waist down, sink down on him, and immediately take a nap on his chest.
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silly-writes · 2 years ago
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Hi! I love your work! Can you do a Mike + alters, Scott, Alejandro (seperate) x reader where the reader has really bad sensory issues, especially with loud noises, and can have panic attacks from them? if your not okay with writing this then that’s totally fine /gen. it’s important to take care of yourself.
Contestants with reader who gets overstimulated.
Aaa thank u for this request anon! Yes i'm totally comfortable writing this kind of stuff! Thanks for being so kind about it! As an autistic person with really bad sensory issues myself I actually find it a thearputic, lol. Okay enough about me, enjoy!
Mike
dealing with a traumagenic disorder (DID) I would imagine he's honestly kind of in the same boat.
He's no stranger to panic attacks, and is pretty well versed by now in how to deal with them.
The first time it happens though he's sort of an anxious wreck, he's just nervous that trying to help might make it worse, but he doesn't want to leave your side.
He gives you lot's of words of encouragement, and helps you through breathing exercises, and gets you plenty of water.
"It's okay, breathe with me, I'm right here," he assures you gently.
If you require pressure/physical contact during your panic attacks, he's more than happy to give you that.
He gets good at catching them too, he'll always be able to identify when you're about to spiral because of too much noise or too bright lights, and he'll find a quiet secluded room so he can work through it with you.
"Sorry you have to deal with this too," you said, after a particularly bad one, you still felt dizzy, and tears still stained your face, but you had come out of it now, and felt a little guilty.
"Hey don't apologize, I don't mind. Not at all."
He's just very caring with this kind of stuff in general.
Manitoba
Maintoba is similar to Mike, and I would think he likes to carry around a backpack whenever he is fronting (you never know when you're going to run into treasure). So he always keeps noise canceling headphones and a pair of sunglasses in there just for you.
Honestly I headcanon him as the caretaker of the system, so I imagine he's used to caring for people during panic attacks.
He's very observant, probably even more so than Mike, so he's better at avoiding them all together by identifying what situations you can handle and what you can't.
He always does a little research before the two of you go out in the environment to ensure that it doesn't seem loud/bright/overstimulating.
However sometimes these things are just unavoidable, and inevitable.
He'll provide you with whatever physical comfort you require, if any at all.
Anything you need, he's there to get for you.
"Take all the time in the world treasure, I'll still be here," he said.
He's all around good at keeping you grounded, and just good at being there with you.
Svetlana
I would think Svetlana is probably the protector/gatekeeper, most of her comfort comes from her just being fiercely loyal.
She'll be there no matter what, and you take great comfort in that fact.
She's not as good with being traditionally comforting, since it's a little out of her element.
Not that she doesn't try of course, she really cares about you, and she wants that to come across.
(I would think she would panic a little and ask Manitoba and Mike for help from the inner world).
But she would absolutely stay with you, coaching you through breathing exercises, talking to try and distract you.
Eventually if you let her know what you need (be it space, a distracting, physical comfort, quiet, dark) you name it, she will get it for you.
She's much better at caring for you after the panic attack honestly, when you feel really tired and put out, disoriented and just overwhelmed.
"Svetlana's here now to melt all your worries away," she smiled at you once.
She'll almost always bring you home, or take you to a secluded room, and just hangout with you. She'll turn all the lights off and sit in silence with you so you can have basically zero sensory input for a little while.
She'll absolutely stay with you until you feel yourself again.
Mal
Okay things with Mal are a little tricky.
He's for sure a former prosecutor and after a bit of system healing, definitely prosecutor turned protector.
Don't get me wrong though, he can still be a little nasty and snarky sometimes, but he's working on getting better.
Which is why he feels sort of out of his element when he's with you when you're having a panic attack.
He's not good at being comforting, and he barely knows what to do when he has a panic attack, so the first time it happens he completely freezes up.
He might even let someone else front to help you out instead of him.
After a while he gets better at keeping up with your triggers, and while he remains pretty awful at being comforting, he's good at grounding you.
He's glad sometimes that being there is enough sometimes, he doesn't know what he'd do if it wasn't.
"Sorry I can't do more..." he said one day.
You smile at him "You being here is enough sometimes."
Scott
Scott is also somewhat of a wreck I would imagine.
Growing up fairly isolated on a farm he's understandably really rough with being intune with people's emotions, he's not really all that good at reading you. Or anyone for that matter.
The first few times, he's shocked everytime.
What could be making you feel like this? He had no idea.
He would definitely need a list of all of your triggers, you have to tell him what helps you and what doesn't outright. Scott doesn't really like playing guessing games, especially when it comes to your safety and comfort.
Clear communication becomes pretty important for the two of you in all honesty, and the two of you work at it all the time.
Eventually he gets better at serving you during panic attacks, or meltdowns, he knows what to do after a little while.
Again I would think he's really good at protecting, so I think he's super good at keeping people away when he sees you're overstimulated.
"Don't touch them!" he huffed when someone was trying to tap you to get your attention.
Overall, he's really really trying for you, and knowing that is comfort enough.
Alejandro
It's no secret that Alejandro is very intune with people, just one of his many skills.
So he can tell right away from his very first meeting you, any loud noises, bright lights, things like that just don't mix well with you.
He steers clear of them when around you, always guiding you more towards quieter, much calmer and secluded dates.
When driving he turns the music down, and makes sure that all audio input looks like its helping you and not harming you.
Plus I feel like (and this is totally me projecting btw) he would carry around stim toys for you to distract yourself with, and headphones for when things are a lot.
But again, sometimes things just happen, and try as he might to protect you, it's not always possible.
He can always tell when things are getting to be a lot for you, he's good at reading everyone but you in specific.
He's really good at covering for you, if someone is asking where you are, or needs/wants to talk to you when you need to be alone he'll keep them away from you.
He'll spend as much time as you need helping you.
"Are you feeling better mi amor?" He would ask.
"Almost-" you said, voice a little course and shaky "-sorry," you said softly.
"Don't apologize, I don't mind at all."
Alejandro can be really nurturing when he wants to be.
He might deny it, deny it to the ends of the earth but he's very good at taking care of you.
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