#especially when they make the ears move up and down as an emotional response

[castiels-favorite-dumbass]

i love it when people draw Kon with the pointy ears. that's right, elf that pretty boy

[moonlight-canavalia]

Sentimentality

It’s been a while since I’ve written and posted anything so here it is. I swear Sylus has not left my mind since I started playing.

Anyways here’s a little Sylus reassurance when you’re having doubts!

Warning: kisses, light teasing, uh implied cunnilingus that’s about to start at the end

If you prefer AO3 here!

Divider by cafekitsune

There had been a somewhat heavy feeling in your chest that you’ve been ignoring. You’re not sure where that weight is coming from or better yet— that insecurity . Does he really want you for the long run? It seems like it, and though mischievous with his words, he is very forward with his words and action. 

“Sylus, if something happened to me, what would you do?” You ask sprawled out on his bed while he’s getting ready for his meeting. In your mind it sounded like a simple enough question. Honest curiosity laces your tone. His hands suddenly stop, shirt only halfway done. Sylus’s face scrunches up in disgust at the thought of it. Before turning to face you, he makes sure to relax his facial features. “Are you planning to go away, kitten? Any mission worrying you?” disguising his worry in an almost casual tone “want me to tag along? You know I’ll go with you. Just ask, sweetie.”You're still looking up at the ceiling. Arms resting by your side lost in thought. “Hhhmm, just asking. I guess.”Sylus has moved to the foot of the bed, grabbing you by your ankles – pulling you towards him. Surprised by his actions you let out a startled yelp. He’s not sure what’s going on through your head, and he’s not sure how to ask you. While he might be brass, always getting straight to the point there’s something a little off about you today. Your smile isn’t quite reaching your eyes, not as talkative, lost in your own little world. So, he wants to make sure you truly understand and believe his words over all else. 

Dropping your legs at the edge of the bed so he’s able to stand between them he slowly bends down. Caging your body under his to stop you from getting away. His piercing gaze unsettles you for a second, leaving you frozen in place. In a flash his crimson eyes soften, filling with such a warmth that makes you feel like a soothing balm has been poured over the cracks in your heart. “I’d set the entire world on fire and spend the rest of eternity searching for any trace of you in those ashes.”  — He speaks in earnest, deep voice sounding hoarse. Words spoken slowly and low, as if he’s telling the secrets of the universe.  Secrets meant to be kept between you and the four walls of this room. Cupping your cheek with one hand while shifting his body weight on the other to not lose eye contact with you; he adds “Nothing, no one will ever take you away from me. Not the heavens or me getting lost in the nine circles of hell can rip me away from you. I will always search for you and I will always find you.”Lost for words all you manage out is a shaky breath. all as a response. If there’s one thing Sylus is, it is honest. This is something you know, but the profoundness of his words stun you. You feel like your brain is malfunctioning, not being able to come up with words. Eyes wide and watery, you can hear the rush of your blood in your ears. Your heart beats wildly like a trapped bird wanting to escape its enclosure.“I don’t enjoy these questions, sweetie. Especially coming from your pretty mouth” Placing both of his hands on either side of your head, he gently leans in for a kiss, the feeling of his warm breath ghosting over your lips. Giving you a quick peck, then you feel his lips brushing the shell of your ear “You’re mine and you’re not going anywhere”.Wrapping your arms around his neck you gently tug him towards you, so more of his body weight is on you. Just wanting to feel him close, enjoying the warmth of his body on yours.  There are many things you’d like to say, numerous emotions and feelings you’d like to voice. But it all gets tied at the back of your throat. With a lack of words to summarize it all a simple “thank you” escapes your trembling lips. 

Those words mean a lot to Sylus, it’s something he rarely hears. And with the way it fell from your mouth so willingly, no ulterior motives behind it only raw emotions dripping in sincerity; now leaves him lost for words. He hopes you know how much he adores you, how much you mean to him, how you’re the best thing to come into his life. How he’ll always defy fate and search for you. When the time comes he’ll sit you down and recount your past together. Not now though. For now he’ll just enjoy having you with him once again . 

Resting his forehead against yours for a few seconds he decides on staying in tonight. The meeting can be rescheduled, anything can wait when it comes to you. “Let’s just stay here tonight, Sweetie” he murmurs.

“I wasn’t aware I was even invited to accompany you in the first place.” you retort. A small chuckle rumbles in his chest. A sound you can’t get enough of. 

“You would think at this point in time you don’t need an invitation. You’re always free to come with me if you desire” Sylus says, like it should be the most obvious thing to you. 

Rolling your eyes playfully at him you quip “Well personally I prefer to be told that you’d like me there.”  

“I always want you with me. Are you not aware of that?” the silver haired male asks, looking quizzically at you. “Oh.” “Yeah, oh, sweetheart.” he taunted, with the corner of his lips upturning in that dangerous smirk of his. “You’d be wise to remember that in the foreseeable future.”Intertwining his fingers with yours, he pins your hand over your head. Softly he squeezes your hand and you squeeze back. A tender reminder, that both of you are here, together right now. In your mind, you know you both are tied together. There’s a pull that can’t be destroyed between the two of you, you can't make sense of it. It feels like you both have known eachother for lifetimes. Little did you know that's exactly what's happening.  Sylus has crossed galaxies, timelines, time and time again to find you. The bending of time or the fact that he's destined to lose you and find you again again is nothing. You are his love, the person his heart belongs to, he'll turn himself into a monster if it means seeing you once again.  Rising from on top of you he kneels on the floor. Once again snaking his big arms around the back of your knees and pulling your core towards his mouth. This is where I belong. Beneath you, you can do anything to me and I’d be grateful, you can command me to do anything and I’ll do it without a second thought. Ask and you shall receive.” He says while kissing your thighs.

[winged-self-indulgence]

🔞 Ray x GN!Reader, because I have been neglecting my man. sorry sweetie 🔞

“You’re being a terrible kidnapper by the way.”

Ray tilts his head idly, a sardonic smiles tilting the left corner of his lips at your words. His smirk is playful and dangerous. Knowing.

You lift your chin in mocking defiance from the couch where he’d placed you. It’s probably not as intimidating as you’d hoped considering the ropes binding your arms behind your back. Your legs are free, but it’s not like you could go anywhere. Even if you could somehow manage to escape Ray, his lair (“Please don’t call it that, Star.”) was located on the topmost floor of the tallest apartment building for miles around.

He leans against the glass window-walls that look down onto an ocean of shimmering city lights. Flashes of purples, reds, and gold are blanketed by a moonlit black velvet. The colours reflect off the edges of his face, sharpening gorgeous features and softening others. A cigarette dangles loosely from between long fingers, trailing an almost invisible thread of smoke up to his lips.

Lips that are now stretched in the most self-satisfied smirk you've ever seen.

“You’re staring, Star,” Ray taunts. You snap your head to the side, cursing mentally. You’re hyper-aware of Ray’s tall form as he moves closer, not stopping until he’s standing over your seated form. His free hand reaches up to caress your jaw, knuckles brushing the apples of your cheek. The cigarette is gone, but the scent clings to his skin – somehow warm and enticing – and you can’t quite stifle the urge to lean into his touch.

Fingertips trace your skin, rough pads mapping every spot he had claimed and memorized countless times before.

"Explain yourself," he murmurs, tilting your head up so you’re forced to meet those unfathomably dark eyes. "How am I a bad kidnapper, Star?"

You open your mouth to reply, nothing coming to mind for several seconds. It's as if his gaze is a black hole sapping you of your usual sass and wit. "Um, w-well...well what do you think you should do with me?"

Ray kneels in front of you, which does nothing to make you feel any more in control of this situation. Body still tightly bound, you can do nothing other than pout and writhe in place when he leans closer, lips brushing against your heated cheek.

"Oh, that's an easy one," the villain murmurs into your ear before he gently bites your earlobe. You squeak, barely able to hear his next words through the rush of blood in your veins. "I’d keep you all for myself. Lock you away where no one can find you except me."

Huffing, you manage to regain a bit of your mental faculties and lift your chin with a playful scowl. "Hmph, don't villains usually use traps to keep their victims in place? Iron cages, steel chains, etc.? Come on, Mr. No. 1 Most Wanted Villain, where's the showmanship? Did watching Megamind teach you nothing?!"

A laugh escapes Ray at your demand, a burst of mirth that has you fighting back matching snickers. One hand slides up your arm and, and he pulls you closer until your chest is flush with his. The other grabs you by the waist, tipping you off balance and pinning you to the couch.

"How's this for showmanship, Star?" Ray scoffs as he rakes over your prone form with carnal amusement. His hand leaves your hip, dipping beneath your shirt before tracing upwards and taking the fabric with it. Your nipples pebble in the cool air, vulnerable beneath those void-black eyes.

You’ve gotten a taste of Ray’s possessiveness before – several times in fact – but it never fails to stun you, to send heat rushing between your thighs every time you catch a glimpse of that depthless stare. The lengths he’s gone, that he would go to, for you. Especially after having cast off the NAHA’s paper-thin restrictions.

Fear would be the normal response, the expected emotional outcome. Yet when callused fingers pinch your nipples all you can do is moan.

"So whiny, Star,” Ray coos against your chest, teasing and tasting your buds until they’re bruised and sore. You scream when his mouth closes over the right one, tongue laving over swollen stiff peaks. “And so loud. Is this what you want, hm? You want me to ruin you?"

You can’t speak. The only thing that leaves your throat are helpless, wordless sounds. Ray clicks his teeth, and his hand slides up, applying just the slightest bit of pressure on your throat. A warning.

"What’s that Star?” The villain queries, voice dripping with false curiosity. “Isn’t this what you like? To be helpless under me, in my control. All for my own selfish pleasure? Come on sweetheart, speak up."

“Y-You wish!” you kick out your feet, but Ray simply cants his head to the side and catches your flailing ankle. When he wedges himself firmly between your thighs and hooks your legs over his shoulder, you realize what a terrible mistake you’ve made.

"You little brat…" Ray pushes your ankle further up on his shoulder, restricting you even more as he smirks down at you with a gentle yet terrifying arrogance. It is the look of a wolf watching a caged rabbit, a predator contemplating what to do with cornered prey. Pressing his taller frame against you, Ray’s free hand moves to your hip where the pointer finger dips past the edge of your underwear. It’s barely a brush, and yet the sensation makes your head spin. “Do I have to force it out of you, Star?”

You stubbornly bite your bottom lip, and Ray let out a helpless sigh as if to say, you asked for this.

“Mmph, R-Ray!” The sound of flesh meeting flesh echoes in the room, desperate screams filling the air as you squirm and struggle to escape the steel-trap of Ray’s arms though you know it’s futile. “P-Please, m’sorry–!”

“If you’re so sorry, then stay still,” he grunts, punctuating his words with a harsh thrust, one hard enough to jolt the couch several inches across the floor. Your neck and chest are a canvas of bruises and bite marks. Drool falls from the corner of your lips, filthy and messy. The sight of you underneath him, teary-eyed and begging for mercy, was intoxicating and the ex-hero can’t stop the dangerous smile that crosses his face.

Your body convulses as another orgasm shakes through you, the fifth in the past hour, and Ray groans when you squeeze around his cock. He pulls out to admire the sticky mess between your thighs, cum glazing your puffy hole in a lewd display.

Just as you’re catching your breath, Ray pinches your chin and drags your gaze back to meet his. “Uh-uh, we’re not done Star,” his grin widens at your stricken expression. “I want a proper apology, sweetheart. Now open your mouth and say ah.”

[carefreecoffee]

Flufftober Day 6: Playing with hair w/ Shigaraki Tomura

Word count: 673, Gender-neutral reader

Shigaraki was not one known for physical affection. Actually, affection in general. It was never a thought that had crossed his mind, especially with the trauma he had experienced with his quirk years before.

Getting close to someone was the last thing he wanted to do. That was until you came along. Your understanding nature, the fact that you are stubborn and won't take no for an answer when trying to pamper Tomura and making sure he's taken care of as well.

There was no label on your relationship. All he knew is that you cared for him and it became– refreshing. “Mmmm” A quiet hum erupted from his lips as you continued running your fingertips through his light blue locs. A habit you two had began once things became too stressful for the poor man.

You seethed whenever he erupted in a scratching fit. This was the only thing you could think of doing that soothed his advances.

His eyes remained closed as you moved the parted hair out of his face, making sure that every knot and strand was cared for. As you continued, you heard the faintest sound of a sniffle. Breaking out of your actions, you look to see Tomura and what seems to be a tear shedding from his eye.

“Shigaraki?” There was no response. You cradled his head in your palm, moving the hair further away. “Shigi, what's wrong?” Now you’re concerned. He never showed any weakness, especially not sadness, at least not in front of others.

With a small gasp, he opens his half-lidded eyes staring back into yours.

“I-i apologize.” He begins to sit up from your lap, having you ever the most confused. “Is something the matter?” Your hands find the plush of his bed.

He shakes his head, looking down at his feet dangling off the mattress. “No no I just- it was overwhelming.” He finally looks at you, red eyes boring into your own. “I haven't felt that peaceful in… a while. It's.. scary.”

Ah. You nod, “I understand Shigi. If it's too much, we can stop.” You give him a concerned look before he shakes his head once more. “No no, I just need a second. I'm fine.”

‘I'm fine’ You know what that means by now. He wasn't fine but you held back your urges to drill it out of him. You knew he couldn't help it. Reaching a hand up, you rub his back. He flinches slightly but soon leans into your lap once more, now on his side.

You take this as a sign to continue, rubbing along his shoulder back up to his scalp, moving the hair away from his hairline exposing his ear and temple to you. 

You smile slightly and begin humming to yourself, hearing him sniffle further on what seemed to be choked sobs. You allowed him to release it, being as gentle as possible with him in this fragile state. 

“Shhh it's okay, you're okay now.” Your words caused him to release his emotions further. He felt both thankful but also embarrassed. Knowing he was exposed both mentally and physically to you, seeming weak but at this point, he only yearned for your calming touch.

The touch from another was not one he had been familiar with. It made him weep until he fell into a slumber upon your lap. You propped his head upon a pillow within your lap as you laid back yourself, taking in the silence that seemed to devour you. 

With one final stroke of his hair, you fell asleep yourself. Waking to see your hand had stayed there till morning and that he himself had not awoken. The sight was ethereal. 

No matter how negatively perceived he would be based on looks alone, seeing the morning sunrise illuminate his face awoke something in you. 

You sigh, feeling exhaustion hit you once more as you laid down upon the mattress once more, stroking his hair away from his face as a passtime before you were once again drifted off.

[azrielsdove]

Just Friends: Cassian x Reader

Warnings: Smut, 18+

***

You looked over at your friend, watching the way he threw his head back in laughter. You couldn’t help the way your gaze traveled down his face, focusing on his exposed neck. A large vein rolled up the side, teasing you to come taste. The long strands of his hair brushed over his skin and you imagined how they’d feel wrapped around your fingers. What kind of noises would he make with your lips wrapped—

He turned to you, smile wide. “Distracted by my beauty, are we?” The words were teasing, an innocent joke. You gave him a laugh in response, shaking your head at his antics. At your friend. You dug your nails into your exposed thigh, grounding yourself. Cassian was a friend. Nothing more. No matter how many nights you spent with your hands between your thighs, moaning his name.

You took a quick shot of whatever alcohol was in front of you. These thoughts needed to stop. This was just a simple night with your friends, not the time or place to allow your dirty thoughts about Cass run wild. Even if he looked particularly delectable with his shirt half unbuttoned, pants tight against his legs. You had finished to the idea of riding those thick thighs more than once, the thought causing you to take another shot.

What was wrong with you tonight?

It wasn’t smart to keep pounding alcohol, not when you were already struggling to keep your hands to yourself. It only got worse as the night began to wear down, the others retiring to bed. Cass pulled you into his side for a cuddle as he typically does, is arm wrapped around your waist, hand resting on your thigh. You burned where he touched you, mindlessly drawing little circles on your skin. Your head fell back against his shoulder, eyes fluttering closed. You should be embarrassed to fall apart at the barest of touches, but the overwhelming desire for your friend overshadowed all emotion.

You were too drunk for this.

You could blame exhaustion and alcohol for leaning on him, your breathing a tad too heavy. A laugh sounded next to your ear, warm breath fanning over it. “Tired, dove?”

Gods. His voice was deep, a laugh hidden in his words. You pried your eyes open and looked over at him. “Drunk, more like,” you teased back, forcing your eyes to not dip to his lips. He gave a knowing smile as he leaned in closer, nose brushing your neck. You bit your tongue to keep from moaning at the contact. Ridiculous.

“Are you okay?” Cassian asked, worry written on his face. You nodded, leaning your head back against him and closing your eyes.

“That last shot was a bit too much. Trying to make the room stop spinning.” You laughed, hoping he would buy the excuse. You certainly couldn’t say ‘No Cass, I need you to fuck me right here before I combust.’ Friends don’t do things like that. Especially friends you’ve known for a few hundred years, silently lusting after for a humiliating amount of those. His fingers ceased their little circles on your thigh, hand moving to lay flat against your skin. You tried, and failed, to ignore the way his hand burned against your leg.

You sucked in a few deep breaths, calming your heated skin and racing heart. You felt like the excuse of too much drink would cover up the real meaning behind your actions. Cassian was distracted once again, conversing with Rhys about something you didn’t care to listen to. No, instead you were focused on every part of him that was touching you. Imagining his hand sliding between your thighs, his lips hot on your neck, the way he would encourage you to find your release….

Stop, you chided yourself, sitting upright and opening your eyes. This wasn’t working. You stood rather abruptly, grabbing whichever open bottle of alcohol was closest. You were aware of Cassian and Rhys staring at you, confused by your sudden movement. “I’m going to go outside, it’s a bit too warm in here,” was your mumbled excuse, darting from the room before either could respond. You rubbed your head furiously, cursing yourself as you walked to the closest balcony. Hopefully the cool night air could calm your body down, could force these thoughts out of your head.

You leaned against the railing and looked out over Velaris, drinking slowly from the bottle you had grabbed. If the cooler air wouldn’t help you, maybe drinking until you blacked out would. You stared at the sky, remembering how it feels to be flown around up there, wind whipping your hair. What would it be like if Cassian decided to take you while flying high above?

You groaned, turning and throwing the bottle at the wall behind you. Why won’t these thoughts go? You ran a shaky hand through your hair, willing your mind to relax. “Everything okay?” The voice startled you, eyes jerking up to see…Cassian. Great.

“Yea, yea everything’s fine. Sorry, the bottle uh, slipped.” You were going to jump over the balcony. He stepped closer, looking between the shattered glass and you.

“You’ve been on edge all night. Can I help?” He asked, genuine concern in his eyes. Yea, you were definitely going to jump.

“Oh no, just…thinking.” Every excuse was worse than the last. You couldn’t think straight around him normally, and whatever had come over you tonight was only making it worse. So much worse. He came right next to you, leaning against the balcony as well.

“Okay,” he said, sensing that you didn’t want to talk about what was bothering you. Fine, you could handle him standing next to you. There was nothing sensual about that, just two friends watching the stars.

His arm brushed yours.

You looked down, gauging the distance to the ground.

“Stop,” Cassian whispered, grabbing your arms and turning you to face him. “Please, talk to me.” His hands fell to your waist, tugging you closer. Fuck me, you thought, mind hazy at the simplest touch. This was a nightmare.

A delicious nightmare.

He took a deep breath and stilled. His hands on your waist tightened, pressing you flush against him. His head ducked to your neck, nose brushing your skin as he inhaled. “Oh,” he murmured, “oh.” You were frozen in place, trying desperately to not start begging him to touch you. His lips pressed against your heated skin, your eyes closing at the feeling. An embarrassingly needy noice came from you as he kissed up and down your neck, his fingers digging into your waist. This wasn’t happening.

Cassian pushed you backwards until you hit the stone wall of the balcony, his body pressing fully against you. You squirmed under his touch, gasping as you felt his hardness against you. Is this happening? He bit under your ear, a deep groan coming from him. “I have waited too long to do this.” Your mind went blank, your body arching against him. You wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, leaning your head back against the wall behind you.

“Cass…” you breathed out, lost in the feeling of him. He hummed against your skin, pulling away to cup your face and look into your eyes. A jolt went through you at his blown out pupils, the desire so clearly written on his face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Is this okay?” He asked, tongue dipping out to trace his lips. You almost forgot to answer, too busy thinking of how that tongue would feel against your-calm yourself. You nodded, unable to get a single word out. Cassian chuckled, brining his head down to meet yours. Electricity flowed through you as his mouth connected to yours, signaling that everything was about to change.

Cassian kissed you like it was his sworn duty to worship your lips. The hand on your face slid down to your neck, angling your head up to him. His body pressed tight against you, the stone wall cool against your back. You moaned helplessly as he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, biting it teasingly. Your need for his touch was growing heavier and heavier, nearly bad enough that you were ready to beg for him. His hand on your waist dipped down, fingers tracing over your bare thigh as he made his way between your legs. You pushed your hips against him, a silent plea for him to touch you. You felt him smile against your lips, fingers ghosting over your soaked underwear. “Fuck, fuck,” he cursed into your mouth, growing harder at how turned on you were. You begrudgingly pulled your lips off his, opening your mouth to beg for him when he dropped to his knees.

Oh, Mother. The sight of Cassian kneeling in front of you, his hands gripping tight to your thighs, was an image you wanted to remember forever. You had a fleeting thought of if you could get Feyre to paint this for you, or if that would be too intimate. You wanted the look on his face as he gazed up at you immortalized, blown up and hung above your bed. All thoughts eddied away as Cassian slid his fingers under the ruined lace covering you, pulling down so hard it ripped off your body. “Remind me to thank Rhys for these.” He traced the thigh-high slits that were common in Night Court fashion, moving the piece of fabric that hung between your legs to the side. You went to shoot back a witty retort about how the High Lord doesn’t pick out your clothes, cut off by Cassian sucking your clit into his mouth. You cried out, head falling back against the stone as your hands went to tangle in his hair. He groaned against you, pleased at your taste and the sounds you were making as he feasted upon you.

His fingers teased your entrance, sliding slowly inside as he continued his attack. He pulled one of your legs up and over his shoulder, allowing a deeper angle to feel you. His name fell from your lips like a sinful prayer. Cassian touched you in a way that no one else ever had. He worked you like it was his greatest honor to do so, and he would do anything to satisfy you. His fingers curled deep inside you, broken cries spilling from your lips. His teeth grazed your clit, tongue circling you in a heated dance. “Oh, Cass, i’m-“ you gasped out, feeling that familiar fire grow inside of you.

“Let go for me, please,” he said against you, keeping his movements steady. The desperation in his voice was your tipping point, the need exuding from him to see you pleasured. You gripped tightly onto the hair you had gathered in your fingers, body arching against his face and hands as your orgasm washed over you. You shook against him, mouth open in a silent scream as he continued pushing you through it, prolonging the pleasure you were feeling. He went until your body went lax, loud cries of his name like music to his ears. He pushed you a little farther, enjoying the way he had to hold your body up. He finally stopped, pulling his fingers out of you and standing back up. Your jaw dropped as he sucked his fingers into his mouth, moaning at the taste of you. He smirked at your blissed-out and shocked expression, leaning down to kiss you again.

“I want to fuck you, right here, right now,” he murmured against your lips, turning you around and pushing you to the balcony railing. He kissed down your neck, hands wrapping tight around your waist as he pushed against you from behind. “I’ve been dreaming of this moment for far too long.” You groaned at his words, leaning your head back against his shoulder as he continued kissing your exposed skin. “I want to hear your screams echoing off the mountains around us.” His fingers dipped under your skirt again, circling your sensitive clit. You whined at his touch, desire already building in you again. “Is that okay with you?”

You pushed down against his teasing fingers, need obliterating any rational thought. “I don’t care where or how you do it, as long as you fuck me now, Cassian.” He laughed against your skin, hand dropping from between your legs. You didn’t have time to complain about the loss of his touch before his cock took over, sliding teasingly against you. Fuck, he’s huge. His tip nudged your entrance, a silent question. You shoved yourself back and down against him, a loud cry ripping from you as he plunged all the way in.

Cassian felt perfect inside of you, pausing to allow you to adjust to the sudden intrusion. Your nails dug into the railing in front of you, body pulsing around him. You pushed against him, begging him to move. He slid almost all the way out before pushing deep again, tears pricking at your eyes from the overwhelming sensation. He started up a rhythm, one hand flat against your stomach as he fucked you. “I can feel myself, fucking into you, right here,” he moaned into your ear, flexing the fingers splayed across you. You cried out his name in response, unable to form a coherent sentence. “You feel better than I ever imagined,” he groaned out, biting hard onto your shoulder as his pleasure grew.

You screamed his name as he began pounding hard into you, the echo of it playing around the mountains just as he wanted. Cassian showed no mercy in fucking you, thrusting in and out so hard you felt like you would be bruised tomorrow. His other hand wrapped around one of yours on the railing, a loving gesture that contrasted the way he was moving inside you. Your breathing grew staggered as you neared another orgasm, Cassians bites on your shoulder encouraging you. A strangled cry was all you could give as that fire-like pleasure surged through you, squeezing tight around him. Cassian came with you a moment later, spilling deep inside you like you had imagined so many times before.

He continued to push into you as you both rode out your joint pleasure, thrusts slowing to prolong the feeling. You wanted to stay here forever, Cassian deep inside of you. He pressed gentle kisses to the bite marks he left on your neck and shoulder, soothing the sting to them. “You were perfect,” he whispered, pulling out of you. You slumped against him, the arm around your waist all that kept you from falling to the ground. You heard him button his pants back up before pulling the fabric of your dress back down around you. You turned towards him, clutching onto him tightly.

“Was it real?” You asked, suddenly nervous in the wake of the moment.

He cocked his head, looking down at you. “Real?”

“Was it just a drunken fling or…is it more?” You clarified, hands nervously playing with the buttons on his shirt.

“Oh,” he said, a smile ghosting across his lips. “What would you rather it be?”

Your fingers stilled against him, eyes looking over his face cautiously. You sucked in a deep breath, deciding it was best to be honest in this moment. “I want it to have been real. I want you to want me the same way i’ve longed for you all these years. I want to be yours, and only yours, for the rest of our days.” The words came out a rushed jumble, and you feared you said too much as Cassian just stared down at you.

His arms wrapped tight around your waist and you were spinning around the balcony before you had time to think, Cassians laughter music to the dance he was leading. “I’ve dreamed of you saying that for so long,” he said as he put you down, pressing his forehead to yours. “It’s always been you.”

You smiled up at him, pulling him down to kiss him for the hundredth time that night. Finally, after years of mutual pining, Cassian was yours.

***

Feyre and Rhys clinked their champagne glasses together, observing the scene on the balcony below them. The mutual profession of love, finally. “Do you think they will be mad when they find out?” Feyre asked nervously, eyes darting between the new couple and her mate. Rhys laughed, tucking her close to his side.

“That we slipped a rather strong aphrodisiac into their drinks? Oh, most definitely.” He smiled down at his friends again. “But something tells me they’ll be over it rather quickly.”

***

I haven’t written any Cassian smut soooooo here we go 🫣. as always let me know your thoughts and feelings <3

[boyfhee]

﹙𝓲ssue﹚ㅤ:ㅤfever dreamㅤ...ㅤ( 제이 )

꒰ ✉️ ꒱ where jay reckons that the stars aren’t worth watching, and so do you.

ㅤㅤ﹙1509﹚ ㅤ장르 fluff, suggestive, bsf2lㅤㅤwarnings kissing / making out, drinking, awk ending probsㅤㅤᐢᗜᐢ cooked this up on the way to the doctor's :/ happy reading, pls rb and leave feedback >_< iNDEX

being friends with jay comes with surprises. 

just like the one in front of you— a whole camping scene prepared in front of you even though it’s on the huge open balcony of his house. a tent placed right where the potted plant used to be, decorated with fairy lights connected to an extension board. you don’t miss the amount of pillows inside, your heart swelling up at how warm everything looks, especially at the sight of the endearing smile on his face as he brings in another blanket. 

“i didn’t know you were serious about this,” you could only manage to whisper a few words out of amusement, earning a playful huff in response. 

“of course, i was. what do you even take me for?” you stand still as he brings the snacks from the kitchen— all your favourites. 

all because you mentioned wanting to stay up all night stargazing, and then witnessing the sunrise. it was abrupt, just something said out of the blue when sunghoon asked what you’ll be doing during the summer breaks. you hadn’t enough finished dreaming about it, and jay was already in front of you, turning it into a reality.

he turns to ask you something before noticing your glistening eyes, the tear rolling down your cheek which brings him at a loss of words, the whole scene tugging his heartstrings a little painfully. it isn’t until you notice his surprise that a soft chuckle falls off your lips, your voice faltering for a moment. “i’m sorry, i just—”

“hey, don’t be embarrassed,” and jay knows how you get emotional so easily. he finds it endearing, your tears leaving a twinge of sadness in his chest. he reaches out instinctively, gently tugging strands of hair behind your ears. “i think it’s sweet how easily you are moved,”

you almost freeze at his actions, hearing your heart beats reverberating through your ears, afraid he would hear them too. it’s cinematic how time seems to stop when you look in his eyes— and he thinks you look impossibly breathtaking under moonlight with beads of tears resting on your eyelashes. 

you almost feel your eyes darting to his lips, almost, before you break away from the contact and try to calm your nerves. you grab two cans of beer from the tray kept aside, passing one to him. “let’s make a toast,”

he laughs softly, the sound almost a relief from the sombre mood that had settled between you two. he gladly takes the can and pops it open, taking a sip from his beer can and eyeing you as you take yours. “you’re emotional and lightweight. what a deal,”

all it takes is a playful slap on his arm for you to settle between the pillows and blankets, grabbing a packet of chips. you both had agreed on the ‘no phone’ condition, leaving your devices somewhere in the living room. you didn’t have time for your phone anyway, having your hands full with the opportunity to look at the stars, and jay.

you barely finish a can before he’s reaching out for another, already dazed by the drink messing with his neurotransmitters. this usually never happens, even after two and a half bottles of soju. today, he’s tripping down the tipsy lane, just nodding and smiling aimlessly as you talk and talk— and he thinks to himself how lacklustre the stars look compared to you, and the way the soft yellow glow of fairy lights illuminates every single feature of yours that makes him swoon. 

the stars aren’t even worth watching.  

he takes another swig of his beer, his eyes never leaving your face, just like your gaze that refuses to leave the stars. he studies you for a few seconds, enjoying the blissful silence between you two. you are the one with less tolerance between him and you, but today jay is feeling the buzz of alcohol blurring his conscience. “you really are a sight, you know that?”

it doesn’t dawn upon you how close his face was until you turn to look at him. he takes in your reaction, the way your eyes widen. your shyness only emboldens him further, making him lean even closer, face now mere inches away from yours. he feels the subtle scent of your perfume tingling his senses, driving him crazier than you have already done. 

he reaches one hand to cup your face tenderly, his thumb lingering a little too close to your lips. it sends a shiver down your spine, a sensation that makes it hard for you to think straight. he notices the way your lips part ever so slightly, although not a single word coming out of your lips. “so beautiful,” 

sobriety wouldn’t have let him cruise this far, nothing would’ve convinced jay to act upon his feelings, except maybe a little bit of liquid courage that makes him bolder than usual. his gaze remains fixed on you, his silence giving you an excuse to back down from whatever this could lead to, eyes tracing every single feature on your face. and when you don’t, he leans in even closer, his breath hot against your skin. “stop me before i lose myself to you, yn,” 

his voice is a heady mix of desperation and desire, as if pleading for you to drive him out of whatever spell you’ve done on him. he watches you intently, waiting for you to push him away, to stop him before he does something he might regret, but your silence only fuels his desires. he moves his hand down to your chin, tilting your face up slightly, thumb gently tracing your lower lip. his gaze locks into yours yet again— an action that sends your heart racing a thousand miles, unbeknownst to him, faster than it was already beating. “say something, please,”

you almost melt under his touch, under his pretty voice and a gaze admiring you as if you put the stars in the sky. it feels like a fever dream to be this close to him, stuff that your highschool self used to daydream about. you would go to bed, giggling about the slightest possibility of him giving you flowers on valentines, something your friend indulged you into. it was a dream, wanting to be with someone who embodied perfection, and yet again, jay was in front of you, making it come true even before you had finished dreaming. 

so, you just stay quiet for a few more seconds that feel like hours on empty before whispering against his lips. “kiss me,”

a pause, his breath catching up in his throat. 

jay wasn’t expecting you to initiate it, it felt like he was going to get a heart attack. hell worse, if he’s starting to hear things due to alcohol. however, your eyes tell a whole different story with the way they’re taking in every single part of him, begging him to do something. he doesn’t hesitate— with a swift, fluid movement, he closes the small distance between you two, pressing his lips against yours in a searing kiss. 

it’s like a need, the way every part of him years for you. the way flesh wants to knit itself over a wound. as if he’s drowning and you’re the air he needs. his lips refuse to leave yours, hands sliding down your body to pull you onto his lap. he deepens the kiss, letting his free hand down to the small of your back to pull you even closer. he feels himself slipping out of his sanity when your fingers get tangled in his hair, tugging onto them ever so slightly. 

“you have no idea what you do to me,” he whispers, lips trailing kisses down your neck and leaving faint marks in their wake, his nose brushing softly against your skin that makes you sigh in bliss. he stops abruptly, breathing erratically against your neck before looking up at you. he takes in your appearance, your flushed look with hair a bit dishevelled. you looked like a mess, and unbelievably his. “you’re so beautiful,”

you smile at his words, feeling your face heat up even more than it already has. this has to be a fever dream, you tell yourself, and then cup his face ever so gently. “you should kiss me again,”

he smiles. “you always order me around,”

“kiss me.”

“are you sure?” he murmurs, lips curved into a teasing grin as he leans in even closer with his forehead against yours. “i’m really bad at keeping my hands to my—”

and then you grab the back of his neck, yanking him towards your lips and pulling him into a chaste kiss. you feel him smile into the kiss, his hands resting on your sides as they pull you closer than possible. soft giggles erupt in between, sweet nothings shared between quick pecks oozing with admiration, and ‘i love you’ spun in the air and you realise that the stars aren’t even worth watching, for you have yours right in front of you.

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[cloudrunnerscinnamon]

A short, slightly angsty Twelfth Doctor one shot - but don't worry, it's cute in the end :) 

Imagine you are traveling with the Doctor and at some point, after another ludicrous adventure, there are emotions demanding to be felt. What’s going to happen?

(picture not mine)

"Just Once"

„Do you trust me?“ the Doctor asked. His hands were firmly wrapped around your upper arms and he stared unblinkingly at you. 

��Yes, yes of course, yes of course I do,“ you stuttered, „ always!“

The Doctor heavily breathed out through his nose and cast his view down, head hanging for a second before it snapped back up. This irritated you. Why did he seem disappointed? Why did you get the feeling that the Time Lord actually wished to be rejected. Was it because of fear? Was he scared of the responsibility that came with the trust that others put in him? That you obviously put in him… But why did he ask then? You were puzzled which had to be showing on your face because the Doctor’s face grew a bit softer, a bit less pensive and he seemed to really look at you again. 

Then it dawned on you. He was asking for permission, which was also why he did hope you would deny him. Permission for what though? You had been running with this man for what felt like forever. Why did he need reassurance now? Now of all times? 

You both had just barely made it out of an underground city which had been flooded by an acidic river. Until the last second the Doctor and you had tried everything to reverse the polarity of the thick, clear liquid but to no avail. In the end you still had to flee, almost not making it. Both of your clothes were scorched from the acid. Your boots looked especially bad. The soles were almost completely gone. Shame really, you did love those minty Doc Martens. Now, thinking back you realized how close of a call this last adventure had been. Suddenly something „clicked“ and you understood. Naturally the Doctor would pick a time like this to inquire upon your faith. It weren’t just your emotions running high but the Time Lord’s too. You had almost lost each other. All over in a blink of an eye. Gone. Unceremoniously slurped up by some acid glibber-liquid-river-thing. Dissolved into nothingness. 

Panic rose in you, even more adrenalin rushing your system. Panic you should have felt minutes ago racing against a tide bellowing after you. But all that kicked in now.

„I could have died,“ you whispered to yourself eyes not really looking, your gaze going inward. 

„We could have died!“ You yelled and your voice rung in your own ears, harsh and loud. You slapped your hand over your mouth shocked by the enormity of your statement and a tremble went through your entire body. 

„Doctor,“ it sounded muffled against the palm of your hand. Tears sprang to your eyes, a familiar sting. Your throat felt very tight all of a sudden and then you couldn’t hold it back any longer. A heart-wrenching sob left your body. 

The Doctor’s own eyes didn’t hold tears but they still carried a heavy sadness. His hands moved a little, making a very small stroking motion up and down your arms and shoulders. Then he removed your hand from your face which was still covering your mouth. He kept holding onto it tightly. His long slim fingers folded themselves around yours and that pressure anchored you back down. Wordlessly the Doctor started to wipe away your tears. All the while he kept holding your gaze and you didn’t know if you could handle the intensity or the intimacy of his actions. When he finally spoke the Time Lord’s voice was rough with emotions. 

„But you didn’t. We didn’t.“ It almost sounded like he was only saying those words to make sure they were still holding up to reality.

The lump in your throat eased up a little. The Doctor’s hand on your face calmed you down and you leaned your head more into it. You let him take more of the weight that had been sitting heavy on you. Your eyes fell shut. His caress was blooming like a bright light in your mind and you relished all the attention he was giving you. How could those fingers be so soft and gentle when he hardly ever seeked out another one’s touch? How could he put so much comfort in one touch when he never let anyone be so kind with him? How could he be so gingerly when he would never allow himself to be treated the same? 

You feel is thumb running slowly over your cheekbone. Once, twice then you lose count, lost in the sensation. The Doctor’s hand that was still holding yours squeezed lightly, you could feel a tug. It pulled you out of your head, like a rope pulling you out from under the water. You broke the surface and your eyes flickered open again. There he was and his cross eyebrows – not so cross right now. „He is so close“, you thought. Had he been that close a minute ago? 

I am not a hugger. The Doctor’s voice echoed through your memories from a while back. Him uttering these words really had stung a lot. He had respectfully but also firmly peeled himself out off your embrace and gone back to fiddling about the Tardis’ console. Of course even back then you had known that the Doctor did not reciprocate your feelings for him. At least most definitely not the romantic ones. A friend, maybe even a best friend, something resembling family by choice – yes absolutely but not a lover, not that kind of love. So his comment about not being a hugger did not surprise you too much. Numerous times you had become firsthand witness to the Doctor and his awkward little dances to avoid physical contact with just about anyone. However it still shattered your fragile human heart. Secretly you had wished he would make an exception for you. Oh, how stupid of you to think that. Acid rivers wont kill me, you rebuked yourself,  but my naiveté and wishful thinking are going to be the death of me. 

No, the Time Lord really hadn’t been so close a moment ago and you were still certain that he wasn’t a hugger. So what was going on? His face was so close you could, for the first time, make out the little brown spots in the Doctor’s blueish-green eyes. It came with a bit of a surprise to you that you had never really thought about what color his eyes were. You just knew you always wanted to see them. Now that they had been unwaveringly on you for the last minutes you found yourself growing uneasy. The adrenalin, the panic, the close proximity to the Doctor and his strange behavior had you strung tight like a rubber-band about to snap. For a short time there was only breathing. It made you painfully self-aware, too loud, too heavy, too quick. Matching right up with the beating of your heart and you wondered if the Doctor’s two hearts were hammering away in his chest as well. You wanted to put your hand on his chest and feel, you needed to know. The craving was so strong you had to actively keep yourself from reaching out. There was no way you would invade his space like that even though he was practically pushing „his space“ onto yours by now. 

You were lost and so confused. For all you knew you too could have been holding a silent conversation judging by the staring contest but you had no clue what about. The Tardis translates pretty much any language in time and space, why doesn’t she speak grumpy, Scottish Time Lord and his many dialects just this once. A huffed laughter slips out between your lips and you loose eye contact with the Doctor for a second. This was getting ridiculous and frankly you were past waiting. 

„Doctor,“ with a swift movement you push his left hand off of your face and pull your hand free of his right.  

„What is going on, what do you want? What are we doing here, I don’t –“. And his hands snapped back in position this time both on your face, holding it lightly, effectively shutting you up. You were dumfounded, brain not braining. A sound, which could have been interpreted as something in the area of „Doctor?“ but that would have been reaching, left your mouth. The Time Lord looked at you, registering all your emotions. His lips were slightly parted and his eyes wandered all over your face like he was trying to create a blueprint for his memory. And then wondrously he stepped even closer. It could have been the dim lights in the Tardis’ hallway but you were sure the Doctor’s eyes darkened. His body was so close to yours that you felt the heat radiating off of him. You stayed perfectly still not sure what to think, feel or do. 

„I will do this once, because I just have to know.“ The Doctor whispered while bending down a little. His mouth was inches from yours and you could feel his hot breath on your lips. 

„I need,“ he pressed his eyes shut and your breath hitched in anticipation, was this really happening? 

„I need so see how it feels, I need to know if…“  He hesitated. The Time Lord opened his eyes again giving you a pleading look almost begging for help. You understood then that he was battling with himself. 

Almost losing you had made him realize how much you actually meant to him and he wanted to act on it. He wanted to show you but this would mean completely going against all his rules. He was the Doctor he couldn’t get too close, he needed to keep a safe distance – always. Otherwise the inevitable loss would tear him apart. But not knowing what it would feel like to just give in made him want to crawl out of his own skin. For once the Time Lord wanted to feel it all, the butterflies, the longing, the safety, the familiarity and all the sweet nullities because how could he deny his hearts when they were bound to feel the pain of parting eventually. 

You could see the ongoing struggle on the Doctor’s face.You wanted to help him badly but without taking the choice away from him. Knowing the Doctor meant to understand that he couldn’t be pushed. So you decided to simply repeat your statement from a few minutes ago. 

„Doctor,“ you mutter, “ I trust you, always.“

In an instant the Doctor’s mouth was on yours. His weight pushed you against the curved wall of the hallway. The cool metal, a harsh contrast to the warmth between you too. One of his hands brushed past your jawline, along your neck, up into your hair. The other fell down to your waist holding onto you. 

When you kissed it was a brush of soft lips. For all the need the Doctor had held right before kissing you, it was all but slow and tender now. Then the tip of his tongue nudged against your lips softly asking for more but it didn’t feel forward, it was rather sweet, almost shy. You opened your mouth and the Doctor deepened the kiss tentatively. 

Suddenly you could taste him. There was thunderstorm and starlight, vanilla ice cream mixed with the smoky bite of a good Scottish whisky and something else, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It was glorious and you just melted into the Time Lord. Your bodies slotted against each other like they had always been intended to do just that and still he pulled you closer. Never letting go. There was heavy breathing and tiny noises but from whom you couldn’t tell. 

Did you stop breathing and just kept on kissing? You had no idea. 

Did said kiss last for two seconds or two hours? Still you had no clue. 

All too soon the kissing stopped and pathetically a whimper slipped out of you when you felt the Doctor pull away just a bit. It was not for long though. He proceeded to place wispy kisses all over your face and your knees turned all wobbly. You always knew the Doctor was a kind and sweet soul but you never imagined him to be so smooth and caring when it came to physical contact. That realization made your heart want to burst out of your chest. Could you love this man even more? 

The next time he reached your mouth he melted against it with a sigh. That sound robbed you of any restraint you might have still held and this time you passionately deepened the kiss. 

When the two of you came up out of the haze for air, the Doctor looked slightly disheveled and you couldn’t help yourself but it was just adorable. Tousled hair, red cheeks, whiffled eyes. 

You were still in his arms, you both didn’t seem to want to move. The Time Lord had never looked so openly and lovingly at you before. It felt like he wanted to make sure you understood that he was ready to let someone in. To let you in.

You smiled at him. Gently you ran your thumb over the Doctor’s cheek. He closed his eyes and a small smile was playing on his lips. 

And then suddenly, you had figured it out. 

„Oh, I know now,“ you said softly steeling one more chased peck on the lips from the Doctor to confirm your guess. He looked at you curiously.

„You know what?“ His voice low and husky. 

„Oranges.“ you exclaimed and leaned forward a little. Speaking while your lips touched his. 

„You taste like a loud thunderstorm and bright starlight, like vanilla ice cream doused with smoky whisky and fresh oranges.“ 

The Doctor laughed, burying his face in your neck and layering it with kisses. 

„I aim to please,“ he said and you both had to laugh at that. 

[evangelic-echo]

ℭ𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔞𝔩 𝔓𝔲𝔫𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱

Part 1:

Teaser< >Part 2

Walking down the streets of heaven, sipping on a cold drink through the straw as you held a folder filled with boring paperwork you had filled out only just this morning. For the past week you've been dealing with all types of bullshit from the humans that you're trying to repair since your absence from Earth. Ever since Lucifer decided to give mankind the “gift” of free will, your job has become a lot more difficult than before.

“Thanks for the Luci”

Sera requested a meeting with you which isn’t too surprising. As the high Seraphim she was your supervisor, and she always seemed to want to bitch about one thing or another to you with her new found authority. Taking a final sip from your drink before throwing it away in a near by bin, you moved the huge folder from one hand to the next as you walked into the huge, pearlescent building in front of you.

“It’s nice to see you’re not late for once Y/N.”

You looked up at the huge Seraphim before you as you simply replied with a hum. After the whole ‘Lucifer making Eve eat the apple incident,’ Sera made sure to keep her distain towards you evident. Obviously making it clear that she blames you for the whole ordeal.

“I called you up here today to review a certain case l’m having trouble with-”

As sera was Talking the office door behinds you slams shut, interrupting the Angel before you. You look behind to see Emily, cringing as she looks back at the source of the loud noise, then look back in your direction and she smiles and waves at you.

“Sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to overlay the massage that everything’s ready”

She beats her wings to fly closer to her sister, quickly whispering something in her ear. Furrowing your eyebrows as you look back and forth between them. Sure, Sera has always has some sort is stigma towards you and always makes it a point to tell you things last minute, or hell never tell you things at all. But you could tell there was a lot more to this meeting as she was letting on, honestly making you a little more nervous than you’d like to admit.

Turning back to face you Sera gives Emily another glance before resuming to what she was saying.

“Y/N, as you may of heard. The princess of Hell was up here in heaven as Lucifer, her father demanded that she pitch a certain idea of hers”

Sera pauses as to see your possible reaction to her bringing up an old friend of yours, acting as though his name curses whoever’s tongue dare speaks his name. You raise your eyebrows in response, signalling that she should continue.

“She has some sort of idea that sinners down in hell can be redeemed through the means of this ‘Hazbin Hotel’ she’s been building. We discussed it in court but it was decided that sinners in fact, can’t be redeemed and with that she was sent back down to hell.”

“Hm, you mean the same heavenly court where it was revealed that Adam’s Exorcist go down to hell once a year to exterminate sinners? I’m also assuming you mean the same court I wasn’t invited to but yet, l’m possibly the best person who could of been there as I work with those human souls 24/7 and know the most about these kind of things more than anyone else in that court? Yes I think I know exactly which one you’re talking about.”

You keep making eye contact with the Seraphim in front of you even after finishing your rant. She glares back at you, looking down then back up to your face as you still keep that same glare towards her.

“I think we both know why you weren’t welcome to sit in that court session, who knows how you’d react. Especially when you allow your emotions to drive you so.”

Your wings ruffle behind you, signalling you were fed up with Sera’s constant condescension towards you. You slightly fidget in your seat as your glare doesn’t budge from her face.

“I would’ve loved to meet the daughter of an old friend of mine. I’m not surprised you think of me so low and pathetic that you think I’ll have a tantrum by every little thing associated with him.”

“I also think it’s pathetic that you still think of him as a friend of yours, after everything he’s still done you see him as a pure little angel who’s done nothing wrong”

Leaning further back on the chair you were sat on, you crossed your leg on top of the other as you grinned up at the unnecessarily tall woman in front of you.

“If anything Sera, that proves I’ve moved on. I don’t allow hatred to control my feelings anymore, I suggest you don’t either.”

You had to admit that you were slightly lying to the Angel as you spoke those words, as you’d be a hypocrite if you weren’t, but it was worth it for that look on her face. Finally humbling her from that high horse of hers.

“Hellooo, I am the great Ssir Pentious~ It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance~”

You looked down at the weird snake man before you as he bowed his head towards the ground, tilting your head to the side in confusion. This is what Sera was so worried about? Looking back to the Seraphim’s who lead you here to try and get a little bit more information.

“Sir Pentious here is a ‘former’ demon from hell, who has apparently been redeemed through Charlie’s Hotel and has now, been sent up here in heaven.”

Your demeanour completely changes from one of uninterested to one of astonishment. Looking between the two sisters however, the totally different attitudes upon their faces told two very different stories. Sera of course couldn’t have looked more unamused with the situation even if she tried, Emily however looked ecstatic about the evidence of redemption, her hands clasping together in front of her chest as her wide smile and bulging eyes take over her features.

“This is a great day for Heaven and for Hell! We finally have evidence that redemption is indeed possible and now reason to stop those brutal exterminations, right Sera?”

Sera looks at her sister with a completely different demeanour than before, making herself seem for hopeful about the situation at hand.

“Of course Emily! Me and Y/N here will deal with it immediately, but I suggest for now you handle matters that your assistance a lot more than this one.”

You frowned while looking at the younger Seraphim, though her smile never fading from her features. She must be too excited of the news that she couldn’t hear the dishonesty in her older sisters voice.

With Emily now out of the room, Sera went back to looking uninterested as she did before, her focus now landing back on you and the former sinner besides you.

“Watching you lie to your poor sister is honestly disheartening Sera, dear Emily has a point. If redemption is now indeed possible, there is no need for the exterminations to continue-”

“That absolutely is not an option in this situation. Yes we now have proof that redemption is possible but that doesn’t differ us from the fact that hell may be planning an uproar against us, against heaven.”

Taken aback by the interruption, you turn your focus over to the former sinner beside you, noticing the awkward feeling he’s emitting from himself.

“If I may I assure you-”

“No you may not”

Sera now all riled up and irritated, springs her wings out from behind her as her angelic form starts to poke through from her annoyance. In response the man yelps and he steps behind you for safety from that death piercing gaze of hers, which then travel over to you.

Her wings retract back in towards her but the eyes now littered across her body remain where they are.

“I except you to deal with this matter Y/N, you constantly complain I do not give you the benefit of the doubt, you can use this as an opportunity to prove me wrong and maybe make up for your wrong doings from the past.”

Now you knew you absolutely had no choice in the matter, saying no wasn’t an option at all. But knowing the fact that all she wanted to do was just push all her mistakes onto you to fix was absolutely aggravating. However, keeping yourself calm was best for right now.

Nodding back to the woman as your response, she took that as her cue to leave, not seeing anymore reason to stay in this helpless situation.

As the door closed shut, the serpent who had been holding onto your shoulder for safeguarding had finally found it appropriate to let go after muttering an apology.

At least he was well mannered.

You turned to him offering a comforting smile. He’s probably been so confused for the past hour he’s been in heaven, and by God could you say he hasn’t gotten the normal, outgoing introduction normal new residents are greeted with when spawning at heavens great golden gates. Though you can admit his situation is quite different than others, you can sense his soul is worthy than every other soul up here in heaven among him.

You extend your arms, motioning him to sit at the table near by. He follows your direction and sits as you sat along side him, summoning a pen and notebook with your magic.

“Now if you don’t mind, I have some questions.”

A/N: AAAA THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE LIKES AND FOLLOWS FROM THE LAST POST🫶🫶🫶 You don’t know how much it means to me knowing that even just 50 people liked this new idea I’m exploring and I am so very grateful 🙏 .

[pandorasprongs]

CHAPTER FIVE | this is what it feels like.

'it's nice to have a friend' masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.0k

SUMMARY: reader is starting to forgive jamie, even going to a charity gala together.

WARNINGS: language, mentions of what happened in amsterdam

A/N: yay! welcome back to me, i guess HAHAHA sorry for going ia for how many months, life just got in the way and i wasn’t able to make time for writing. i’m a bit rusty at this, but this is an extra long chapter and is mostly fluffy (at least, imo), so i hope you guys enjoyed it! we’re down to the last two (maybe three?) chapters of our story, which i hope you all will like :) see you then and thank you again for waiting!

Your relationship with Jamie did start getting better. Slowly, but surely. It wasn't the same as the past few months, though. That repair of your relationship was built on denial and was bound to come crashing down like it did. 

You were still talking, but he wasn't coming over every weekend anymore. He was the one who suggested it too, so you wouldn't feel pressured to decide if you forgive him just yet. He wasn't pushing for an immediate answer either and he was making that clear with how he was acting.

He sometimes sends you a message just to check in and your replies were short, but not apathetic. You'd do the same too, usually after his matches, specifically when it ended on a loss, since most of them were as of recent. What was it, seven matches at this point?

The loss at the Man City game was especially painful, but after you saw the article about Zava's retirement, you had hoped that some part of Jamie was relieved about it all.

Your suspicions are confirmed when you hear Jamie knocking at your door. You open it and instantly get blinded by the light. "Fucking hell."

"Shit, sorry," Jamie exclaims, shutting off his headlamp. Once the light is gone, you finally get a clearer look at the footballer. He was in a grey hoodie which was starting to get all sweaty, and was currently jogging in place. "Went out for a workout with Roy before dinner, and we went pretty far. He already went home though."

You knew where Jamie lived and if he had run that entire length, you don't know how he's not passed out at your doorstep. "Congrats, I think. Why'd you pass by?"

"I wanted to see you," he answered, a little out of breath. You'd be lying if you said your heart didn't skip at that. "If that's not weird."

"No, it's not," you answered quickly, a smile creeping on your face. "D'you wanna come in? I made some pasta if you haven't eaten yet." You offer without thinking but don't retract it in any way. Things like these would help you bond again right? And after seeing Jamie give you a genuine smile and a soft look with his eyes, your worries instantly dissipate.

So now you're having dinner with Jamie and barely any words are spoken, until he mentions, "I'm going to Amsterdam in a couple of weeks. We're having a friendly against Ajax."

"Amsterdam?" Maybe you should've hidden the worry in your voice better.

As far as you know, Jamie had a complicated relationship with that place. You don't know what happened, never wanting to press for too many details, but the first time he went there with his dad, your best friend came home a shell of himself.

—

You headed over there the moment your mom told you he was back and while you half-expected Georgie to turn you away in case his dad was still there, what you ended up seeing was worse. You found Jamie lying down in his bed, just staring at his ceiling. When you called out to him, he made no move to acknowledge that he had heard you.

You were fourteen and uncomfortable with emotions, but you knew you needed to do something for him. You made multiple attempts to try and get a verbal response from Jamie, but it fell on deaf ears.

It was only when you asked if you could lie down next to him did he finally move. He turned to face the wall and his back towards you, but you didn't say anything about it. Instead, you wrapped your arms around him.

"If you don't want to talk about what happened, it's okay," you whispered. "I'll just stay here with you."

In one swift move, Jamie turned around and pulled you into a hug. It was almost instinct that you pulled him closer.

You don't really know how long you stayed like that, but it was long enough that you started to get sleepy and eventually drifted off. The next morning, you woke up in an empty bed. Your grogginess quickly turned into confusion.

It would've turned into panic soon if Jamie hadn't walked back into the room as he dried his hair with his towel.

"Oh, you're awake," He said softly. From his voice alone, you wouldn't have been able to tell that he spent that night crying, if not for the bags under his eyes betraying him. The swelling had gone down from the cold water, but the redness was still there.

You don't say anything at first, unsure of how to proceed. But Jamie breaks the tension by asking, "Do you wanna have breakfast before you go back? Smelled mum's cooking from the hallway.”

"Okay." Jamie pulls you up from the bed but doesn't let go of your hand as you head down the stairs. He squeezed it tightly as you walked into the kitchen, his own way of saying thank you.

—

That's how the two of you always were. Talking about your feelings was never a strong suit, but that didn't mean you weren't there for one another. It's how you dealt with hard times as kids, but maybe it was time to ditch that as adults. Or at the least, work on expressing yourselves better.

As if Jamie could read your mind, he gives you a reassuring look, "I don't really think about that trip anymore. Don't really remember much of it either. I just remember the second time. When we were 16 right?"

"Oh yeah," You chuckle at the reminder. Jamie's mom had planned a trip for the two of them to Amsterdam and your parents just happened to also be figuring our your own summer holiday plans. 

The five of you spent a week there going on tours, visiting museums, and all the usual tourist activities. One of the pictures you still had of you and Jamie was one your dad took when you visited some tulip fields. Jamie had his arm around your waist and both of you were holding stroopwafels, impatiently waiting to eat them. 

A group of old ladies passed by as the photo was being taken and thought you were a young couple, which both of you were quick to deny. Things were only awkward for about twenty minutes till Jamie started chasing after your stroopwafel because he had already finished his.

"That was pretty fun, wasn't it?"

"Mhm," Jamie says as he continues to eat. "I still remember all the facts you made me memorize. Might try and annoy Roy with them."

The two of you continued to talk that night and for the first time since that night in Nelson Road, being with Jamie didn't put a pit in your stomach. There was no longer a nagging voice in your head reminding you of the past or the rising feeling of resentment when he'd joke about the past few years. Instead, you were just content and happy to be there with him.

When you finished your meals, you suddenly got a waft of Jamie and almost gagged. "Oh my God, you definitely need to shower."

Jamie pulled his hoodie up to his nose and cringed. "Right. I guess I should head home now."

"No. I am not letting you out into the streets of London smelling like that. You can shower here," you offer and without giving Jamie a chance to respond, you start walking over to the bathroom.

Jamie lagged behind a bit but caught up as you pulled an extra towel from the cabinet. "You can go to the guest room for spare clothes. Dad leaves a bunch of them here when they come over. Oh, and slippers too if you want to give your feet a rest." The footballer gratefully takes the towel and heads into the bathroom. 

When you hear the water start, you move to walk back to the living room when you pass by your bookshelf once again, the empty spaces between your books glaring at you. You head into your room and open your closet to pull out the pictures. You pick up the one from Amsterdam, from your graduation, and from your 10th birthday, and scatter them around the shelf.

You go get ready for bed and change into your pajamas before going back to the living room to wait for Jamie. After 30 minutes — or an episode and a half, — you hear him call out your name.

You find Jamie in the hallway in one of your dad's giant grey shirts and sweatpants. When you approach, he finally asks, "Have these always been here?"

He points towards the frames and you realize that despite the number of times Jamie's been in your flat, he's never looked at the top of your bookshelf.

"I put them there pretty recently." You admit before turning towards the footballer. 

Jamie catches your eyes and seems to be debating whether to say something. He finally speaks up, "So I take it you've..." but he trails off, leaving you to finish it.

"I forgive you. Well, I think I’m starting to," you start. "I guess these past few months, I've been compartmentalizing my anger towards you and that wasn't fair. I know neither of us is particularly good at expressing our feelings, but we should've talked about this back when we saw each other again. That's my fault, I admit and I'm sorry. But I'm happy now, spending time with you and I don't have this sinking feeling that it'll all go to shit anymore. So yeah, I think I forgive you, Jamie."

You give him a wide smile and before you know it, Jamie wraps his arms around you tightly. Your smile only grows wider as you pull him closer. 

This is what you've missed all these years. Being so comfortable and safe with Jamie, that him randomly hugging you doesn't take you by surprise anymore. You're content and happy. And you have Jamie, your Jamie, back.

He breaks apart from you and the two of you walk back to the living room, the sitcom still playing on the TV. You expected him to make his exit by now, but seeing as you've just made up, Jamie felt confident enough to stick around a bit longer. He takes a seat across from you on the couch. Maybe it was because he was fresh out of the shower and no longer wearing sticky clothes, but he felt freer than ever.

Jamie glanced down at his phone at notifications from the team group chat and suddenly remembered another reason why he passed by your apartment. "Are you doing anything Friday?"

The last time Jamie asked you that, it ended with one of the worst outbursts you've ever let out, but you tried not to be reminded of that. Besides, you trusted that he'd keep his word; he wouldn't break your heart once again.

"Not really. My lectures are all in the morning that day. Why?"

"There's this charity ball that my boss does every year and I was looking for a plus one," Jamie explained slowly, before turning to you to see your reaction. "If you want. You know, as friends."

You don't know what stunned you more: the way your heart swelled when Jamie asked you to go with him to an event or the sinking feeling that appeared when he added the 'as friends' part. All this tension and ghosting these past few weeks made you forget all about those pesky, jittery feelings that you still had for him, but now that the dust had settled, they were coming back.

You try to ignore it, just for this moment, and prepare to answer him. But the more you thought about this "charity gala," the more you realized what you were about to agree to.

"Wait, is this the thing where people bid on football players for dates?" You remember seeing an article on it a few years back where three women got into a bidding war for Jamie. "Fucking hell, if you're just doing this to stage another bidding war for you, then—"

"No! 'Course not! You kept saying before how you want a reason to dress up!" Jamie's quick to defend himself and you fall back into your seat. "Plus, I can't have Richard setting me up on yet another disastrous date, I just can't." 

You say nothing, absorbing his plea, but then watch as Jamie's expression turns mischievous. He teasingly asks, "Why? Would you actually bid on me? You're already spending time with me for free." He playfully elbows you and you take in a whiff of the lavender-scented body wash you kept in the guest bathroom.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms. "Christ, and they should be paying me for it, too." You reply, but you avoid eye contact with Jamie knowing how easily you'd break into laughter if you did.

"Fine, I'll go with you." You finally agree and before Jamie can celebrate your response, you add on. "But, you owe me a date, too. To Liv's wedding."

Jamie takes a second to reply, and you worry your usage of the word "date" threw him off. But quickly enough, his mischievous smile returns and he agrees, "Alright, it's a deal."

Neither of you mention the gala again till Jamie finally decides he has to get going — "It'll be worse for me if Roy gets to my house and I'm not there," — and says he'll send you the formal invite when he gets home.

It only sinks in when you're getting ready for bed that you're actually going to a formal gala. With Jamie. As his (friendly) date. Next week. What a way to start the new era of your friendship, right?

You wonder how exactly he'd introduce you to the rest of the people there. As his childhood friend? His date? Every option made you feel jittery inside, and you have a hard time accepting that it's possible you're falling for Jamie once again. 

The first time you ever found him attractive was at the ripe age of 16, after locking eyes with him when he was celebrating one of his team's wins. It was that summer of growth spurts and you started to see what everyone else did; Jamie Tartt, your best friend, was fucking fit. It only took a year till you fully accepted it, but ultimately decided to never act on it. Well, aside from that one time, which neither of you brought up again after the morning after.

It took another two years before you gave up on those feelings and buried them deep down, or at least tried to. But allowing Jamie's friendship back into your life brought those feelings back up to the surface. 

So, the week went by quickly and you were now waiting in your apartment in a cropped silk camisole, high-waisted black trousers, and wedge heels that Liv let you borrow, pacing a hole into your floor. All you did with your hair was pin the side bangs away from your face and you hope that's enough.

You hear a knock on your door and you almost trip on the bottom of your pants to open it. You find Jamie in an almost identical outfit to the one he used for his date before, except in a different color. His hair had been slicked back, reminiscent of his older hairstyle but the highlights made the look pop more.

When his eyes land on you, Jamie takes a second to scan you before exclaiming, "Fucking hell."

With a teasing tone to try and make yourself feel more at ease, you ask, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Jamie looks back up at your eyes and smiles, "You look great." You don't detect a hint of banter from the guy which makes you feel warm inside, until he adds, "Though, I half expected you to wear your dress from our year 12 formal."

"Jamie, I swear I can still find something else to do tonight." You threaten but are unable to stop the smile creeping up on your face.

Jamie just chuckles and takes hold of your hand as if it's the most natural thing in the world. "Come on," He realizes what he's just done and pauses to see your reaction, but when you tighten your grip on his hand, he continues, "Need to get there early so they don't swarm me for pictures." You roll your eyes as the two of you head out of the building.

You actually did get to the venue quite early, since the photographers were still setting up the booth and so the two of you walk over to two ladies, one of whom you recognize as Keeley Jones. After he introduces you, — as his friend and plus one, no mention of the word "date" — you soon find out that the taller one is Rebecca Welton, the owner of AFC Richmond.

"Wow, so you two practically control Jamie's career. Blink twice if you need me to take him off your hands." You lean in towards the two of them but speak loud enough for Jamie to hear and he pulls you back to his side as you laugh. The two women chuckle and share a look between them that you don’t know them well enough to understand, so instead you brush it off.

Jamie gets called for photos and Rebecca leaves to greet the guests heading inside the venue, so you're left standing with the PR manager of the team. As you watch Jamie cycle through various poses, Keeley leans in to ask you, "So, how long have you known him?"

"Well, I met Jamie when I was seven, but when I went off to uni and he joined Man City, we kind of drifted apart and didn't really talk for the next few years." That was basically the truth, anyway. "But I went to one of the Richmond games and we bumped into each other."

"Well, I'm glad the two of you met again. Honestly, Jamie's become much more tame recently. He hasn't had any Twitter feuds or issues in weeks. Makes my job a lot easier." You chuckle, knowing that instead of fighting back, Jamie ends up just complaining about it to you. She adds, "You must be a good influence on him."

"People have been saying exactly that since we were kids, so maybe it is true." You reply and Keeley gives you a wide grin.

When you head into the venue, there are already a few guests settling down in the area. You recognize some of them as footballers, — both from AFC Richmond and other teams, even some retired ones — business owners who are trying out being philanthropists, and people you've seen on magazine covers. 

You were less uncomfortable than you expected because everyone's attention was on Jamie. You stood by him while he greeted a bunch of people and continued to introduce you as his plus one. You hated crowds when you were kids and Jamie knew that, so he'd always check on you if you wanted to go to your seats ahead of him. You'd shake your head every time because you've already had years to get over that fear. Plus, everyone had been nice so far and more polite than you expected rich people to be.

Everyone finally decides to leave Jamie alone and the two of you head to your table, where some of his teammates are already seated and chatting amongst themselves. You recognized them immediately: Sam Obisanya, Dani Rojas, Isaac McAdoo, Colin Hughes, and Richard Montlaur. Without Jamie even having to introduce you to them, Dani had already asked what your name was.

“What a lovely name! I’m Dani.” You shake the hand he offered you, as the other players start to welcome you as well. They were so warm and kind, that it’s no wonder Jamie had gotten so much better during his time at Richmond. It seemed their energy was so infectious that it was rubbing off on Jamie.

Though, it could be a bit overwhelming too, as they all wanted to have a conversation with you. Someone had asked, “Tell me more about growing up with Jamie,” while someone else chimed in, “Do you think there’s a correlation between your genes and how well you can shoot a penalty? Because Colin here…” and somewhere in the mix, you hear, “That’s a lovely bag you have. Where’d you get that?”

While Jamie was enjoying watching his favorite person interact with his favorite group of people, he started to notice how tense you were becoming, despite the plastered smile on your face. He reached out to grab your hand as he interrupts all the conversations with, “Alright, alright, I think the programs about to start. Let’s stop bothering my date for now, yeah?”

Date. The word alone sent chills down your spine. Even more so when you turned to look him in the eyes, and he had a look of concern that only you could’ve detected. You breathe a sigh of relief and give him a comforting look, which allows him to relax, too.

You both turn towards the stage as Rebecca, along with Ted, their coach, walk up to the mic. They start with the basic pleasantries, thanking everyone for coming, with Ted’s occasional funny chime-ins. As they segue into the auction itself, you can hear your own table come back to life. The teammates started to tease one another when Colin turns to you, “Oi, looks like you’ll have to put up a fight for Jamie tonight.” He nods towards the table behind yours, and you spot a familiar looking lady, smiling at the man beside you. It’s only when Jamie groans that you realize who it is: the old woman who was one of three people in Jamie’s “bidding war” two years ago.

“Oh my god,” you’re unable to stifle your laughter and instead turn away to try and hide it. “You know what, I think I’m fine going home alone, Jamie. This isn’t the first time you’ve gone off at a party to get lucky, so go have fun!” You tease him, but instead, he turns to you with a desperate look in his eyes.

“Please, don’t do this to me, (Y/N). Make sure you win.”

You scoff and lean in, “Who says I’m even bidding tonight? I’m not even tenured, Jamie. How much money do you think I have?”

Jamie pleads once more, “Please. I’ll pay you back in full and you can pick all the movies we watch for the rest of the month. Anything, come on.” You sigh and finally give in to his puppy dog eyes. 

You give him a slight nod and he quietly thanks you, as Ted starts to introduce the team. “Let’s start the auction with one of our striking strikers, Mr. Jamie Tartt!”

Jamie gets up and walks over to the stage, and it’s only then you realize he had been holding your hand this entire time.

Ted rests a comforting hand on his shoulder, but before Richmond’s coach can even start the bidding, you hear a loud voice behind you exclaim, “Five thousand pounds!”

You have to hold in your chuckle as you turn to Jamie who is now desperately staring at you. You raise your paddle high enough and shout, “Six thousand pounds!”

“Oh, and another bid from Mr. Tartt’s lovely date tonight. Can anyone match that, do I hear seven thousand?” The lady once again raises her paddle.

“Eight thousand!” You exclaim once more, as Jamie lets out a sigh of relief.

This back and forth goes on for a while, up until the final bid (from you, unfortunately) of fifteen thousand pounds. The football player finally allows himself to relax and with one final slap on the back from his coach, makes his way back to you.

“Thank you,” he whispers, squeezing your shoulder as he gives you a quick hug and sits down. You playfully roll your eyes, but give him a small smile back. A few more rounds of bidding take place until Jamie leans back into you. “You feel like going on that date now?”

You turn to him confused, “Like, right now? We’re in the middle of the program.”

Jamie shrugs, “We’re done with our part now and gave out a good amount for the charity. Most of them won’t even notice us leave, come on,” He takes hold of your hand, and as if on cue, activating those butterflies in your stomach, yet again. “Unless you want to bid on someone else tonight, which in that case, I didn’t know you had that in you.”

You roll your eyes but eventually agree. You say your short goodbyes to everyone at the table and Jamie leads you to Rebecca and Ted, who, after Coach Beard — you believed his name was? — had taken over for him, was currently gorging on the appetizers.

“Hey boss, Ted, we’re heading out early, but see you both on Monday.” Jamie quickly explains, still not having let go of your hand. You’re starting to wonder if he’ll ever notice or has just grown used to it like he was before.

“That’s no problem, Jamie, see you and thank you for coming!” Rebecca directed that last comment towards you and you give her a big smile. But his coach wipes his mouth with his table napkin and stands up to greet you anyway.

“Well, I can’t let you go off yet without introducing me to this lovely lady.” Ted reaches out to shake your hand and you take it quickly before he leans to whisper to Jamie, but loud enough for you to hear. “Is this her?”

“Jamie Tartt, do you talk about me to your coach?” You ask teasingly, but instead of his usual reaction of fake annoyance, he turns away shyly.

Ted replies for him instead, saying, “Oh well, not all the time. I usually have to pry it out of him, too.” He nudges the football player, who finally decides that it is definitely time for you two to leave. He leads you out of there and the pair of you walk back to his car in a comfortable silence.

You may not have realized it till now, but the inside of the venue was the stuffiest place you’ve been to in a while. Sure, the people were nice, but the mixing of colognes and posh accents was starting to get to you. Before you can thank Jamie for getting you out of there, he’s rifling around his jacket for something.

“I, uh, found something in some of my old stuff. Was planning to give it to you before we left, but I… got distracted,” you try and ignore the warm feeling creeping up on your cheeks as he says that and instead watch Jamie turn back towards you, pull out your hand, and place an item on your palm. “Here.”

You look down to find a small plastic ring with a “gem” in an obnoxious pink color. You chuckle as you’re reminded of the toy rings Jamie would give you on your birthday as kids, till you realize… you’ve been missing one of them since you moved out.

“Wait, is this…” You start and look back up at Jamie, who has a sheepish look on his face. Definitely doesn’t fit him.

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you because well, we weren’t really talking all these years, but I went by your house a few days before you left for uni, but you weren’t home and so I went to your room and saw that lined up with the rest of them on your drawer. I thought you were crazy for keeping them all those years, and I wanted to mess with you, so I… took one of them, hoping you’d notice. You never did though, so now I look kinda stupid.” He explained guiltily, but you could only laugh.

“I thought it just fell into the trash when I was moving out. If you wanted me to notice you taking something, you should’ve taken my shoes or something. Why the ring?” You lean onto the side of his car, and Jamie joins you on your right.

He shrugs and swipes his hair back, “I don’t know. We were going our separate ways and you were going all the way to Wales for so long. I realized it was going to be a while before we saw each other again. I thought, maybe if you’d realize it was missing and wanted to go looking for it, you’d always have a reason to go back to me.”

You feel a heavy weight on your chest as the last part sinks in. After everything that’s happened, it had never occurred to you that even at one point, Jamie was afraid of losing you too.

You sit in that silence for a while before you decide to rest your head on Jamie’s shoulder, in one way telling him, I would always go back to you. He got the message.

“I know it doesn’t go with your usual outfit choices now, but I just thought you’d want it back anyway.” He whispers, causing a smile to form on your face.

“Thank you, Jamie.” You look back up at him, his face softening at the sight of yours. “You wanna go on that date now?” You straighten back up and take his hand in yours this time. “What does the legendary Jamie Tartt have planned for this one?”

Jamie looks around and spots a bike rental on the other side of the car park. You didn’t even have to ask to know what he was thinking. “Race you back to that ice cream shop across your flat. Last one there has to pay.” 

“What kind of date is that, Tartt?!” You exclaim, as he drags you across the street.

If there’s one thing you knew about Jamie, it was that he was a sore loser. So after you dropped your bikes in front of your flat and were massaging your calves waiting for your sundaes, this may have been the happiest you’ve seen him lose at something in your whole life.

TAGLIST: @moonflowersandsparkles @faith-alons26 @rexorangecouny @aiyaiy @thegirlthatwantedtowrite @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @higherthanheroes @guccilongboard @alipap3 @rockchickrebel @ellietartt @shineforever19 @skewedcherries @jamietarttdodo @meg-ro @deepdarkvelvet @taytaylala12 @loveforaugust @crownofdecitreadingrespectfully @dickgraysonspersonalwhore @jess4rush @scaramou @rae4725 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo (couldn't tag you for some reason?)

[azriels-shadowsinger]

Brother’s Best Friend (Azriel x Reader)

summary: you are cassian’s sister and have a thing for azriel

wc: 1K

a/n: this is my first fic ive written for tumblr since like 2014 i think so sorry if its absolute garage. this is also not proof read at all and honestly i wrote this while tipsy bc ive been nervous to write again so i’m just saying fuck it i’m sorry :)

warnings: slight smut/suggestiveness

You always looked up to Cassian since you were little.

Like most big brothers, he has always been protective as fuck, especially with growing up in the windhaven camp and becoming solely responsible for you after your mother died.

He shielded you from so much in your childhood because he wanted the best for you.

Like many little sisters, you thought Cassian and his friends were the coolest males alive and wanted to follow them everywhere.

You basically had three big brothers instead of one.

They would try to include you as much as possible, but sometimes they did certain things that you definitely should not be around and would find some excuse to get rid of you.

But at the end of the day, the three of them would stand up to just about anyone for you to protect you. And they did.

They only let you join the snowball fight once and then kicked you out because it wasn’t fair that you only targeted Cassian the entire time and that Azriel felt bad throwing snowballs at you.

Also you were a child and couldn’t throw far enough to hit any of them, but they still say you suck at snowball throwing to this day.

When you got older, you desperately tried to ignore the rumors you heard about the boys around the camp. No one needs to hear about their brother’s sex life.

When the four of you moved to Velaris and after everything with Rhysand’s family, they were all very protective over you.

Over time, you and Azriel grew closer. His close friendship with Cassian led to you becoming closer with him than Rhys.

He is soooo protective of you.

So much so that no one bats an eye when he scares off any male that tries to court you, claiming they are not worth your time.

“I’m not overprotective, I just don’t think that any of these males meet your standards.” Aka his standards for you

Having a shadow or two follow you around became the norm.

You and Azriel start to spend a lot of one on one time together, platonically at first. You two are definitely the comfortable silence type.

Reading your separate books on the couch together was a common occurrence.

You spent years trying to ignore the shift in how you viewed Azriel.

Neither of you are quite sure when you realized the change in your relationship, but one day you became very aware of how attractive you find him.

The shy and quiet boy quickly became the silent and mysterious male.

And Azriel isn’t quite sure when you went from being Cassian’s kinda annoying younger sister to a vivacious female with curves he can’t keep his eyes off of.

The emotional connection had been there for centuries through friendship, but once it became physical attraction, you both knew you were screwed.

One night after drinking at Rita’s, Cassian asked Azriel to make sure you got home safe.

The alcohol inhibits both of your judgements and you both end up in your bed that night.

“You don’t know how long I have wanted to do this. No other male even deserves the chance to try to make you feel as good as I do.”

He was your first (again because he scared away every single male who tried to come near you) and it was fucking adorable

Waking up next to your brother’s best friend is a different level of anxiety.

You freak out and tell him this absolutely cannot happen again. You make an effort to avoid being alone with him.

But obviously Azriel is not content with just one night after getting a taste of you.

He spends the next several weeks slowly breaking down your walls with sneaky touches and whispering dirty things in your ear when no one is watching.

Eventually you cave and end up at his door one night, pissed at him for succeeding, but also practically begging him to fuck you again.

And again. And again.

It took no time at all for the actual feelings to be revealed between you two and to start secretly dating.

And from there it’s months of sneaking around and pretending to be just friends in front of others.

Az feels sooo guilty about lying to his friend but you don’t want to tell Cassian because you know he will freak out.

He asks you so many times to tell Cassian because he hates lying to him.

And Rhys is so suspicious of you two but doesn’t want to interfere.

Eventually Cassian catches you two.

He enters Azriel’s room without knocking one night to ask some stupid question and finds Azriel with his face between your legs. We all know Az loves eating you out so obviously.

Cassian is pissed.

As in, he tries to fight Azriel.

But Azriel just lets him and doesn’t fight back because he knows he fucked up by not saying anything sooner.

You start screaming and put yourself between the two of them to get Cassian to stop, which makes Azriel immediately move to cover you in case Cassian doesn’t react quick enough to stop.

Cassian sees how protective Azriel is of you and how you were willing to throw yourself in front of Azriel to defend him and realizes this isn’t just some casual thing between you two.

It takes a couple days for him to forgive Azriel for lying. He forgives you within one day because you always have been able to use your puppy dog eyes on him to get what you want.

Eventually Cassian accepts your relationship.

But he threatens Azriel that if he ever hurts you, he will do something so severe that Az wouldn’t tell you what he said.

Cassian still makes an overdramatic scene of gagging every time you and Azriel are affectionate in front of him.

Which only makes you do it more to piss him off because that’s what sisters do.

[mandoriana]

HEADCANON OF ARTHUR PENDRAGON

Okay, so maybe I'm designing a little bit, but I really think Arthur has autism and Merlin ADHD, so I brought some headcanon on Arthur and then I'll bring a post with Merlin headcanon.

Arthur definitely feels he needs to earn everything in his life, like affection, respect, or any form of good things happening to him.

He saves lives, or so he says, but it's more like he's saving to try to make up for the ones he took and to earn the right to be alive, which is an absurd thing to believe, but he believes it.

Arthur used to stim by waving his hands or humming a tune, but his father saw this as impertinence and disobedience, so he started punishing Arthur whenever he did it.

Gaius identified signs of "mental illness" in Arthur at the age of 8, and when he told Uther, he was ordered never to tell anyone.

Arthur feels ashamed of himself, so he would rather die than tell anyone about his "illness."

This often leads to people misunderstanding him, but part of him feels that this is what he deserves. Like, he thinks he would hate being judged for his mental illness because he doesn't like the idea of his actions being retroactively justified or excused, not being self-aware enough to realize that this horribly elevated sense of hyper-responsibility over simply screwing up everything in his life is, in itself, a response to trauma. Also, he is the biggest hypocrite, wanting to save lives but never trying to save himself, always putting himself in danger without caring about his own life.

Arthur has some insane standards that he forces himself to meet. He works non-stop as a prince and knight, always doing something, unable to stay still or even sleep until everything is done. He skips meals, neglects his well-being, puts everything at risk, and expects himself to do this every day, every hour, without fail, every time.

The main reason Arthur never had a personal servant for too long is that no one could understand the prince's needs; they brought the wrong breakfast, at the wrong time, and in the wrong way; they tried to touch him without permission or approached too quickly, which unnerved the prince; they also cleaned his room and left everything with strong smells that Arthur hated.

His comfort food is fig pudding, but his father forbade him from eating it to not ruin his diet and good looks. Merlin steals some pies for Arthur when he feels his prince is down.

Arthur doesn't like rough fabrics or tight clothes.

Physical contact is not accepted unless Arthur initiates it himself.

He can't stand strong smells, so he abhors being near some court ladies who overdo it with perfume.

His hyperfocus is on war strategies and Greek tragedies.

Arthur loves wearing armor; the weight of the armor and his cape brings him comfort.

When overwhelmed, Arthur crouches, wraps himself in his cape, and covers his ears.

He feels really hurt when someone speaks ill of him because he doesn't know when they are being sincere or not, the only exception being Merlin, whom Arthur knows is just joking.

Merlin is his emotional support person.

The first time Arthur had a sensory overload in front of Merlin, he expected to be punished for it, but Merlin just started questioning what Arthur needed and began taking care of him.

Arthur's comfort person is Merlin.

Arthur gets anxious in crowded places, but if Merlin is in sight, he can calm down.

When he becomes king and needs to give speeches, Merlin stands behind him, discreetly holding his hand so Arthur doesn't feel nervous.

To the knights, Arthur is the serious and quiet part of the duo, but when he is alone with Merlin, he talks a lot.

He likes to give gifts to Merlin, especially clothes that he finds comfortable and in beautiful colors.

Merlin has an almost inexhaustible energy, always moving and doing something. This can be irritating to some, but Arthur finds comfort in Merlin's constant and active presence.

When Arthur has a sensory overload, Merlin knows exactly what to do to calm him down. He creates a calm and safe environment, using his magic to block excessive stimuli.

Arthur has a very rigid daily routine that he follows religiously. Any interruption or unexpected change can make him extremely anxious. Merlin is the biggest advocate for his prince's routine and never lets anything interrupt Arthur.

Besides war strategies and Greek tragedies, Arthur has a deep interest in heraldry and genealogy. He can spend hours studying coats of arms and family trees.

Arthur prefers direct and clear communication. He can get frustrated with indirectness or sarcasm, except when it comes from Merlin, whom he understands better.

Arthur is sensitive to bright lights and prefers environments with soft lighting. He avoids large halls lit by many chandeliers.

Arthur has a collection of small objects that he finds comforting, like smooth stones or old medallions. He likes to hold these objects when he is stressed.

Arthur prefers to focus on one task at a time. He feels overwhelmed when he has to deal with multiple responsibilities simultaneously.

Arthur feels safer in small, confined spaces, like inside a closet or under the bed, rather than in large halls or open areas.

Arthur has an exceptional memory for details, especially related to battles and strategies. He can precisely remember troop movements in past battles.

Before each battle or important event, Arthur follows a specific preparation ritual that helps him focus and calm down.

Arthur sometimes has difficulty reading other people's emotions, which can lead to misunderstandings. He relies on Merlin to help him interpret the intentions of those around him.

[d0llfaac3]

DEVILS NIGHT

Pairing: James Patrick March x wife!reader

Warnings: not proofread!, smut, unprotected P in V, nipple play, fingering, oral sex m!receiving,use of ‘good girl’, V slapping, dirty talk, murders, blood, kidnapping (none to reader) mentions of other famous killers and their crimes, James being completely pussy whipped for you, 18+, MDNI, below the cut!

Word count: 1,452

You would talk to Liz and Iris allot, like nearly all the time, part of your daily routine, Liz would talk about her son, Doug, while Iris would talk about pop culture drama and about her son, Donovan.

It was devils night tonight, which meant the biggest party of the year, at least for James and his..friends, some of the worst, most horrible serial killers in all of America, the guest list was a crazy crazy thing, consisting of.. John Wayne Gacy, Aileen Wuornos, Jeffery Dahmer, Richard Ramirez, The Zodiac Killer and don’t forget John Lowe.

As it was your husband, James’ birthday today..you would have to bring his breakfast up to him in your shared hotel room, you made him the breakfast you would have made him 80 something years ago..While you two were alive.. your little cooking magazines you would buy called ‘American Cookery’, you would make him Coffee, shredded wheat and hot milk, it’s what was said in the breakfasts for business men and women..so you made him that, mixed with a little bowl of his favourite fruits, grapefruit, strawberries and bananas.

“Breakfast is ready sweetheart” you say as you shut the hotel room door with your foot, walking over to your shared bed, He’s half naked, he would only sleep in his pyjama pants, he was half asleep when you came in, his usual gelled hair, an absolute mess, you where still in your nightgown and dressing gown for goodness sake.

“I could never have wished for a better lover, darling” he says, in his sleepy morning voice, he’s quite cute in the morning for a man who’s killed hundreds of people, can’t say much. So have you.

He put the tray on the nightstand and smiles at you, opening his arms, one thing James would never admit is: he’s a cuddler at night, especially in the morning, his big arms wrapped around you and he smiles. “My beautiful girl” he says as he kisses your forehead.

“Jamie” you giggle in response, his face in your neck as he gently kissed and sucked on the skin, in certain places making you moan a bit.

“Mmm I could just have you as my birthday breakfast” he says, kissing down your neck and shoulder as he slipped your dressing gown off, making you giggle and always feel special around him.

“Mmm make love to me handsome” you say as he captures your lips in his, his hand sliding down your back to grope your ass through your nightgown, the fabric of the skirt moving against his fingers, you could already feel the soaking pool in your panties.

“God I love that laugh” he says as he takes your dressing gown off, throwing it to the side, then pulling down your nightgown at the front, so your tits spill out, causing you to blush and hide your face.

You could already feel him getting rock hard under you, funny thing is, ghosts can be dead but still have human emotions, it’s strange..but that also means the anatomy stays the same, you two had been dead since 1929 and still getting turned on by each other, been married in 1925.

“You know” You say as you kiss him. “It’s been nearly 100 years since we met..we met when..1924?” You say as your lips graze his.

He smiles into the kiss, his fingers sliding down you thighs, feeling your underwear. He smirks. “My word I am a lucky man..” making you whine a small bit.

His fingers trace the wet patch in your panties and you groan against his neck. “Mhm let it out, be a good girl for me” he whispers in your ears as his fingers hook the sides of your panties, pulling them down, the cool breeze hitting your pussy lips making you groan through the cold air of the room.

“Fuck you’re so wet aren’t you darling? This is what I do to you huh? You like when I’m all over you?, good girl” He pulled his hand away from your pussy and spanked it, he loved spanking your pussy with his hand, he thought it was just so..erotic the way you would writhe next to him as he knew he was in control..that’s what he loved, control.

You were so horny already, you could barley form words, only little whines and moans. “Shh baby it’s okay you’re doing so good” he says as he kisses your neck, his fingers grazing your pussy lips, his wet fingers gently touching your clit making you shut your eyes and bite your lip.

“Just..fuck me already!” You whine as you arch your back against him, he just gave you a soft laugh. “Mhmm baby, you wanna suck me off first? You look so good blowing me” he says as he grips your boobs, twisting your nipples in his fingers.

You could only nod in response to your husbands words, pulling his pyjama pants down and pulling his boxers down, giggling as his cock sprung up, she was always so excited to give him head, so eager. “Always so eager my love” he says as he touched your hair gently as he smiled at you.

You giggled as you licked a thick stripe up his cock making him let out a soft breath, he leaned back on the bed and got comfortable, you knew how to please him, you two have only been married ninety seven years…

When your mouth touched his tip he knew he wasn’t going to last long in your mouth, your hot mouth wrapped around his thick cock was something he adored for the past years, his cock hitting the back of your throat was an unforgettable experience..

His big hand pressed right against the back of your head, pressing your mouth further onto his cock, he gently started thrusting his hips up to your face, his cock now fucking your mouth.

He felt close so he tapped your cheek. “C’mon sweetie, I’m close” he says as he taps his cock against your lips, turning you around so your ass is up in the air. “Ready Darling?” He says as his hands grab your hips from behind.

He slides his cock between your wet folds, your body arching to get a better angle, He grabs a fistful of your hair pulling your hair back towards him as he fucks you.

Small mumbles of “yes” and “harder” slip out of your mouth as you two become closer and closer by the second, James had been coming inside you for the past 97 years, not like either of you cared.

You griped the sheets for dear life as he mercilessly fucked you into the bed, his grip on your hair and his right hand gripped onto your hip, leaving a red handprint, his fingers almost going pale white from holding so tight.

You two soon came, you couldn’t really hear what he was saying over your own moans and groans, his cock continuously pounding into your pussy from behind, such a sight would make a porn star look like an amateur.

After your eventful morning, You two just knew devils night was going to be a beautiful horror of a night. You danced with Aileen as you had been doing every devils night, she would jokingly kiss your face and call you sexy to annoy James. “That is my wife you’re referring to Aileen remember that”

“Welcome to Our annual devils night” James speaks up as his hand snakes around your waist to grip your hip. “We shall enjoy our food, then get onto the fun”, everyone knew what that fun meant, a murder, by all of them at the table.

James kissed your lips gently and Jeffery Dahmer gave a look of disgust, making you look at him as you filled your wine. “Now now jeffery don’t look at me like that, you ate people”

As Ms Evers came in with the dinner, she gave you a filthy look, as if you had rolled in shit and piss your whole life, yes obviously she’s had to clean blood stains off you and James’ bed from murders but..she signed up for it when she died in 1929 didn’t she.

James played with your fingers as you blew some smoke out of your mouth from your cigarette, he was absolutely whipped for you and it was completely obvious, he would beg on his knees for your attention at times.

Once the dinner was finished, Sally brought a man in, a tall man, a little overweight, balding, didn’t have any family so he wouldn’t be missed, as every devils night everyone attacked him and killed him, James looked at his beautiful woman, your hands covered in the man’s blood and James sighs happily.

“What a beautiful way to spend my birthday” he says as he kissed your cheek before rubbing his fingers across the blood stained part of your cheek.

You gently kissed his lips and smiles.

“Round two?”

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

I DONT THINK THIS IS VERY GOOD LMAO

[gvcci-bxby]

the arrangement (mini series) - chapter 2: lucky

neteyam sully x omatikaya reader

word count: 5.2k

warnings: light angst, mostly fluff, probably misspellings lol

author's note: hello, everyone. this is the second chapter of 'the arrangement' series. As I continue to write this mini series, I become more and more excited... I hope everyone enjoys it!

Other chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

taglist: @bakugouswaif

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

As Neteyam walked away from your door, he shook his head at himself. He hurried himself down the roots of the tree, making his way down to the village again. Why did he have to play childish games on you throughout your childhood? At first, he thought it was funny, his friends always encouraging him on. It was amusing to see your tail twitch with aggravation, your ears pinned back in frustration. It was always just simple games, harmless pranks, and teasing. Now he’s frustrated with himself seeing how his games have come back to bite him. 

In Neteyam’s mind, he had to marry you. For a long time, he had convinced himself that one day you’d come around to the idea of mating with him and being the Tsahìk for the clan. Now, he twinged at your tone when you said you’d never mate with him, and he worried he would have to convince you otherwise. Neteyam clearly misinterpreted the way you perceived his games, and he has only realized it now that it’s too late. He never wanted a sour arranged marriage, one that he couldn’t look at his wife or she couldn’t look at him. His tail flicked imagining endless days of sitting on opposite sides of the home or silent, awkward dinners. He didn’t want that. 

Neteyam made his way back to his home, his parents waiting for him in their sitting room. In unison, his parents sat up straight, perking up at his presence entering through the doorway. 

“So,” Jake said, standing up. “How’d it go?”

Neteyam shook his head, “She hates me.” 

Jake put a hand to his forehead, while Neytiri hissed in frustration. “Son, did you really think it was a good idea to endlessly harass your future mate for years?” Jake said, looking towards his son. 

Clearly, he did and now that’s his current problem. Did he want to marry you? Not particularly. He disliked the way you were good at everything, making it look so easy during training. He was irritated by the way you hated him, always making his jokes a bigger deal then he meant them to be. He shook his head to himself, thinking how he hated the way he couldn’t help but watch your body move to the rhythm of the music at countless village festivals. 

“I wasn’t thinking about the future, sir. I’m sorry.” Neteyam said, looking at his father. 

“You never do, none of you do. This relationship is the foundation for the future of this clan. I’m hard on you because you have great responsibilities coming up.” Jake says, stepping closer to Neteyam. Neteyam was a tall, strong Na’vi yet his father still towered over him. “And all I ask is for you to create a model relationship for the rest of your peers and the clan. A relationship they feel like they can believe in and trust to lead them.” 

Neteyam breathed in, simmering his heated emotions. He hated being reprimanded by his father, especially because of you. 

“I will try.” Neteyam said, displaying that he was listening. 

“No trying, you will do. You’re dismissed.” Jake said, stepping back to let Neteyam by. 

Neteyam moved quickly, making his way to his room. As he walked by, his mother grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. 

“I see the way you look at her, Neteyam.” Neytiri said, her gaze boring a hole into her son. “Ask y/n for forgiveness for your past actions and show her your gentle side, the side the rest of us know as the true Neteyam.” Neytiri let go of her son’s arm, encouraging him to continue on. 

It was barely the afternoon and Neteyam was already exhausted. He didn’t feel like talking to anyone, not his siblings or friends that he had made plans with. Neteyam had known this moment was coming but he never thought how stressful it might be. Mateship should be exciting and warm but this entire thing, to Neteyam, felt cold and lonely. 

Neteyam plunked down on his bed, arms folding underneath his head, staring up at the ceiling. His mind fixated on you, all your interactions leaving his memory and rushing to his thoughts. Maybe his games were too harsh on you, you never did seem to like them. The truth is, Neteyam never understood why you never got along with each other. 

You avoided him at all times, making sure to have a friend group that hardly interacted with his. Occasionally you had to interact, small meetups with the young Na’vi when you were teenagers or sneaking out as a group to go to the lake after curfew. All those times he had noticed you and the way your tahini glowed in the darkness but never understood why you didn’t look in his direction. Had he really messed up that bad? Maybe, he supposes, he should have left you alone and let your eventual mateship be what brought you together. Neteyam had always know, as far back as he could remember, that you would be his mate. Perhaps his games were a way he could get you to notice him outside of being forced to mate with him. 

Neteyam, deep in his thoughts, only noticed that Lo’ak and Kiri had entered his room when they shook him back into consciousness. 

“Look at him, Kiri.” Lo’ak said, poking Neteyam’s arm. “He’s really torn up about this y/n thing.” 

Neteyam turned, scowling at Lo’ak. “I can hear you, bro.” 

Kiri sat down on the side of her brother’s bed, pulling Lo’ak with her. They sat, legs crossed, their tails curled with curiosity. “How are you feeling, brother?” Kiri said, turning her head to the side. 

Neteyam sighed, covering his eyes with the crook of his arm. “Everything is all messed up.” 

Kiri cooed, petting Neteyam’s arm. “Everything can be fixed, brother. I like y/n, she’s a nice girl. She’ll come around.” 

Lo’ak snorted, “Yeah, if she can get over all the pranks Neteyam has played on her.” 

Kiri shot Lo’ak a look and Neteyam groaned. “Were they really that bad?” 

Lo’ak opened his mouth to speak but Kiri pushed him in the chest causing him to fall backwards. Lo’ak hissed, rubbing his chest where Kiri shoved him. 

“The point is, brother, you have to apologize.” Kiri said, refocusing her attention on Neteyam. “It would probably help to have an honest conversation with her about the mateship too.”

Neteyam sighed, uncovering his eyes. “What do you mean?” 

“Well,” Kiri started, “You’ve told me that you just want to be a good leader for the clan even if that means being forced to mate with someone. You should at least communicate that to her, see if that’s a place where you can find common ground. To just make it work.” 

Neteyam shook his head, “Thank you, sister but you should have heard her today. She’s set on breaking the arrangement.” 

Kiri smiled, waving her hand. “Nonsense, I will help you with y/n. We’re friends, I know what she likes. Do you have plans to meet her soon?”

Neteyam nodded. 

“Good, you’ll take her for a picnic. Come, we’ll make the basket now.” Kiri said, standing up and pulling her brother’s arm. 

For the afternoon, Neteyam and Kiri worked together to roam around the territory of the village to collect and create a basket filled with the ripest fruits. Neteyam couldn’t help but build hope inside of him looking at what he and his sister were creating. Neteyam lost track of time and suddenly he found himself under a sunset, gold, and pink mixing together to stretch across the never-ending sky. 

Before they went home, Kiri snuck into the kitchen and swiped two slices of the cake that would be served tonight. “They won’t miss these,” Kiri had said, her eyes wide as she tucked the prizes in the basket Neteyam held. 

A pit in his stomach formed in Neteyam’s stomach. Neteyam felt so confused, unsure of how he felt about it all. He knew, no matter what, that his father would not let him, or you, out of this mateship. You had been chosen; a perfect match made by Eywa. It had been Neteyam’s fault for having a rough start with you, always teasing and making you look foolish in front of others in the clan. Truly, he had never meant any harm. 

“You really think y/n will like this, Kiri?” Neteyam asked as the siblings walked home. 

Kiri nodded, “No doubt. Remember to apologize, Neteyam. Eywa didn’t put you together for you two to hate each other.” 

Before Neteyam could process, he was standing at your doorstep, at noon the next day, the large and heavy basket in his hand. He knocked lightly and stepped back to allow you to respond. 

After only a moment, the door opened, and you stood in the doorway. Neteyam was taken aback when his breathed hitched at the sight of you. You were wearing a beaded outfit, one that looked brand new. It fit you perfectly, your top and bottom hugging you in all the right places, the beads covering your sensitive parts. The top half of your hair was up, tied back with a ribbon. Your face had touches of makeup; you had darkened your lips with juices of red berries. “Hello,” you said simply.

Neteyam coughed, tearing his gaze from you. “Hi, y/n. Are you ready?” 

You nodded, peering over your shoulder. “Yeah but I didn’t actually think you were coming, and I made the mistake of telling my mother and she forced me to pull all this shit on my face.” 

Neteyam smiled, amused. “It looks nice. Follow me.” 

You rolled your eyes, following him. Your eyes look at the full basket in his hand and you figured he was taking you for a picnic. The idea eased your mind, knowing that it would be a low-risk activity. 

Still, a day later, you didn’t know how you felt about going out with Neteyam. You had thought about it all night, unable to think of anything else. You tried to calm your emotions, thinking about how Eywa wouldn’t make a mistake by putting you and Neteyam together, right? Still, you couldn’t see it working out. 

You follow Neteyam, through the forest and away from the busy village. Your skin tingles, recognizing that you were alone with Neteyam. 

You watch as Neteyam sets the basket down, unfolding a weaved mat that had been tucked in beside the fruit and food. Neteyam stood back, gesturing for you to sit down. You did so, crossing your legs. You hadn’t eaten all day and your stomach growled at the sight of your favorite fruits. ‘How did he know what I like?’ You thought to yourself. 

Neteyam followed, sitting beside you. He was quick in dividing the food equally between the two of you. It was silent in the beginning, neither of you unsure of what to say. 

“I feel like we should talk,” Neteyam said, glancing at you.

You inhale, preparing yourself for the conversation. “You’re right,” you said, turning to Neteyam. 

“First, I want to apologize for my pranks over the years. I never thought about how you could be feeling being at the end of every joke.” Neteyam said, making eye contact with you.

Your heart weakened, frustrated that it took so long to hear an apology. You didn’t think Neteyam was a mean-spirited person, you had always seen him being kind and caring towards the elders in the village and his siblings. 

“We’ve been put in an odd position, having our relationship planned for us when you we were born. I guess I never knew how to deal with that, and I took it out on you. My parents, and I’m sure yours, have made it clear that we aren’t getting out of this so I feel like we should at least try to make us work. We have an entire clan to lead and that’s a lot of pressure. On top of all the expectations we have placed on us, I don’t want you to be miserable, y/n, I want you to be happy with me.” Neteyam huffed, using his last breath to squeeze out his statement.

You considered this. You didn’t want to have your relationship arranged, wanting the freedom to be a part of choosing your own mate and decide when you consummate your relationship. But you didn’t have that option and you had always known that. You decided to agree to Neteyam’s apology and put that in your past. You didn’t want to have a turbulent marriage, always admiring your parents peaceful and equal relationship. You had to accept his apology in order to make this work and have a relationship like your parents. You had to in order to be the leader you were born to be. 

Neteyam moved himself closer to you, his arm brushing yours. “I know this is all fast, just yesterday we were arguing and avoiding each other but us mating is getting closer, and we must prepare ourselves.”  

You nodded slowly, biting your lip as you listened. “I know Neteyam, it’s a lot. Let’s try though, I’ll try” 

You felt Neteyam’s shoulders go down beside you, his angst seemingly leaving his body. “Okay, where should we start?” 

You scrunched your nose. “Right here is a good start.” You said, gesturing towards the picnic around you. “It’s lovely, thank you for planning this.” 

Neteyam shrugged, “I’d like to say this was all me, but Kiri helped me out a lot.” 

You laughed, “I was wondering how you knew all my favorite foods.” 

You and Neteyam spent a few more hours together, conversing lightly. You both filled in the pieces of information that were missing from each of your understanding of each other. You couldn’t deny, it felt nice to not be at each other’s throat. You sat together in peace, laughing occasionally. It had been 20 years of constant strife between you and Neteyam, always a bitter exchange. Now, you were surprised by the quick turn-around between you and him, thankful for the mutual agreement to try and make a complicated situation simple. 

You eventually stood up, swiping the dirt off your legs. You noticed the sky dimming around you, the bio-luminous plants lighting up beside you. “I should probably get back home,” You said.

Neteyam nodded, standing up as well.  “You’re probably right,” he said, starting to pick scraps of food up, “I’ll walk you home.” 

Neteyam did so, replicating the short walk back to your home. You stood on your doorstep, facing Neteyam. “Thank you again, Neteyam. I appreciate the effort.” 

Neteyam smiled, making eye contact with you. “It was my pleasure. It comforts me to know that we will try our best to make our mateship work, y/n. I want to show you how good our relationship can be. An arranged relationship doesn’t have to be bad.” 

You nod, thinking his comments over. “You’re right. It doesn’t have to be bad. It’s actually kind of nice, not having to date a bunch of people to find the one.” 

Neteyam laughed, “Yeah, it is.” 

Silence laid between you, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The torches that were lit across the village illuminated the space around your hope. The shadows of the flames flickered across Neteyam faces, brightening his yellow eyes even brighter. Your breath hitched, studying his face closely. Neteyam was good looking, his features defined beautifully. All the rumors about Neteyam flooded to you at once, heating your neck and cheeks up. 

You tried to shake the images out of your head, but they stuck. You had heard from multiple girls that he was a good kisser, his large hands roaming in the right places. Multiple girls in the Omatikaya clan, Roya, Nalu and Leyra all had told you stories about their late nights spent with Neteyam. The way his fingers intertwined in their hair, the way his tongue flicked in rhythm, the way he made their back arch with ease. Your jaw clenched, causing your eyebrows to furrow. Why did the image of Neteyam sleeping with others cause you to feel.. jealousy? 

“Are you okay, y/n?” Neteyam said, noticing your face change from happy to concerned. Neteyam stepped closer, surprising himself when he tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear. 

“Yes, I’m fine, I should go inside.” You step back, stumbling into your home. “Thanks again for today, Neteyam.” And you disappeared into your home, leaving Neteyam on your doorstep. 

Now Neteyam frowned, wondering what had just happened. It was going so well and then you frowned, seemingly thinking about something sour, then shrinking into your home. Neteyam stepped back, moving away from your home. 

Neteyam shifted the basket in his hands, walking towards his home. He thought about you, happy that you agreed to give the relationship a chance. Eywa had put you both in a beautifully complicated position, giving you the honor of leading a clan but putting you together unwillingly. 

Neteyam had been surprised at how smoothly the conversation went over the picnic, how easy it was to laugh and share stories. The image of the way you’d bite your lip, head leaned back as you laughed rolled around in his mind. Or the way the sun made your eyes twinkle, sparking Neteyam’s temptations to get closer to you. Already, Neteyam was in a trance around you.

-----

If someone had told you a few weeks ago that you and Neteyam would be getting along, going on several dates, you would have laughed in their face. The picnic with Neteyam was the first of many instances where you and he spent time together alone. 

The past several weeks it had become clear to you that Neteyam was putting in effort, attempting to show that he is no longer the boy that plays childish pranks on you but is the boy who you are set to marry shortly. Each visit with Neteyam leaves your head spinning trying to figure out how you feel about the entire situation. You appreciate having the ability to learn more about Neteyam and allow yourself to open up to him before you become an officially mated pair. The visits with Neteyam encourage you to think about him as your future mate, no longer your enemy. You even find yourself looking forward to seeing him, catching glimpses of him around the village send goosebumps your arms and heat your cheeks. 

Neteyam often sits next to you at the weekly clan dinners, showing you, his parents, and himself that he is attempting to find peace with the arrangement. You appreciate the public gestures, noticing that others in the clan are starting to acknowledge you and Neteyam’s future together. When you hang around your friends, when you aren’t with Neteyam or doing chores, they fill you in on the gossip and whispers that circulate about you and Neteyam’s relationship. You blush, diverting your gaze away from your friends, when they tell you how lucky you are. 

Jake and Neytiri, notice their son’s absence in their home, but pleased that all his spare time is being spent with you. Neteyam has noticed also that he hasn’t spent time with his friends, or siblings, in a few weeks. Neteyam has been pleasantly surprised that he has been wrapped up in the time that is spent with you and the time it takes to make each date a special one. 

You and Neteyam have both been taken by surprise by the progress that’s been made together, completely forgetting the complicated, messy history you had at one point. You’ve both bonded, in a way, in only a short couple of weeks. You and Neteyam relate deeply, in a way nobody else can understand, both equally feeling the pressures of being chosen to be future leaders. In a way, that bonds you together deeply and for forever.

-----

You stand outside your home, clipping one of your tops to a string that connects to a tree by your home. Your mother put you on laundry duty and you’ve been tied to your home all day. You hum, taking in the pleasant weather and warm sunshine that is beginning to set itself away for night. You catch yourself thinking about Neteyam, wondering what he’s doing right now. 

You scrunch your nose at the realization, shaking your head at yourself. You can’t believe you think of Neteyam in such a way, considering how you felt about him only a few weeks ago. You look off into the distance, listening to the chatter of the wildlife that lives around you in Pandora. You curse your mother, wishing she hadn’t given you a chore that chained you to your home for the entire day. 

Later that evening, you lay in your bed, your body tired from doing laundry all day. The sun had set several hours ago, and village life had winded down to a quiet hum. You lay on your back, staring up at the ceiling. You feel yourself drifting off into sleep when you feel something ping off your leg. You frowned, reaching down to rub where you felt something tap you. There was nothing on your bed or around you. 

You laid back down, trying to fall back asleep when you felt another object ping your leg. You laid still, waiting to feel it again. Your eyes watched as a small pebble flew into your room through your window. 

You stood up, standing on your bed to be able to look at the window. When you peaked out, you saw Neteyam standing outside your window, a goofy grin on his face. 

“Neteyam?” You whispered, “What are you doing throwing pebbles in my room?” You couldn’t help but laugh as you asked the question. 

“I thought it was better than knocking on your door considering the time,” Neteyam said, throwing a small pebble towards you, which ended up pinging off the side of your home. “Come out and take a walk through the forest with me, I have something to show you.” 

“You want me to come out now?” You asked. “It’s past curfew already.” 

Neteyam shrugged, “So? Come out.” 

You sighed, weighing the possibility of being caught by your parents or other Na’vi elders. You glanced at Neteyam who stood below your window, willing you to sneak out of your home. Your eyes caught Neteyam’s and he smiled, his tail flicking behind him in anticipation. You huffed, stepping off your bed. Neteyam frowned then, fully expecting you to have joined him. He stood in his position, hoping that you would change your mind. 

“Psst,” you said, now standing outside your home. You noticed Neteyam waiting, seemingly thinking you had turned his proposition down. “Are you coming or not?” you said, a playful smile across your lips.

Neteyam laughed, realizing that you had snuck out to join him, catching him by surprise. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” 

Neteyam caught up to you, walking at the same pace as you. It had been a full day since you last saw him, but it wasn’t like you were counting or anything… 

You made your way through the edge of the forest, Neteyam telling you when to turn. You turned off the beaten down path, turning into a thick part of the forest. You chatted lightly with your future mate, exchanging pleasantries. Neteyam informed you about his training he had participated in earlier in the day, shaking his head while he told you how Lo’ak had embarrassed himself. You laughed, imaging the scene in your mind as Neteyam told you. 

After a while of walking, you had given up on guessing where Neteyam was taking you. “Where are we going, Neteyam?” You asked, glancing up at him. 

Neteyam put his arm out, pushing several large branches out of the way to reveal a pretty sight. “We are going right here.” 

Before you, a river extended itself down for miles. The water, which was bio-luminous, moved slowly, making it the perfect place to swim. The water was illuminated, a beautiful deep blue, lighting up the surrounding area. The river’s edge was lined with beautiful plants and flowers, bio-luminous too, making it a mysterious sight. You inhaled sharply, glancing at Neteyam. 

Neteyam noticed your eyes sparkle, your facial features expressing awe of the sight he brought you too. He felt pleased, watching your reaction. Neteyam took your hand in his, guiding your from behind the bushes to the water’s edge. “I found it a couple of weeks ago and it’s been my go-to place to decompress after trainings. I thought you’d like it.” 

You nodded, crouching down, still holding Neteyam’s hand. You dipped your fingertips into the water, the warm water rushing between your fingers. “It’s beautiful.” 

You stood up, having the urge to feel the water all over your body. It had been months since you last swam, chores and duties claiming all your free time. “Come on,” you said, tugging Neteyam. You walked into the water until you were up to your thighs. Neteyam followed, amused by your urges. 

You sighed in relief; you always loved the feelings of water. You dipped down, submerging your torso underwater. You laughed, tipping your head back. “This is so much fun, Neteyam. I haven’t been swimming in forever!” 

Neteyam laughed too, his eyes gazing at you. His heart fluttered at the sound of your laugh, the way you expressed your pleasure of being in the water. 

Neteyam crouched down too, his face at your level. You turned your gaze to him, noticing his close proximity to you. Neteyam was a beautiful Na’vi and you knew it. His boyish features were turning into grown up features before your eyes, the anticipation of being introduced as the future Olo’eyktan aging him. You didn’t even notice Neteyam was taking you in at the same time, his eyes taking in your face. Within him, Neteyam felt a hunger to be close to you.

Underneath the water, you felt Neteyam’s hands wrap around your waist, bringing your body closer to his. You both stayed still, unmoving, embracing the moment and being alone together. 

Swiftly, the moment was broken by Neteyam cupping your face with one of his large hands, guiding your face to his, your lips crashing together with his. 

You were caught by surprise, once again, but your skin crawled with excitement. You took in Neteyam’s taste, your lips moving in synch with each other’s. You sighed softly, wishing the action of kissing Neteyam would never end. Neteyam’s arm wrapped around your waist firmly, your fronts pressing against each other. 

Neteyam pulled away, moving his hand that cupped your face to brushing a lock of your hair away from your face. Again, he took in your beauty, cursing himself for breaking the kiss. His lips already missed yours. 

You covered your mouth, stifling a laugh. ‘I kissed Neteyam!’ you thought to yourself ‘Who would have thought I would say that?’

Neteyam noticed your attempt to cover-up your laugh and he laughed too. It felt natural to kiss you, to have your body close to his. 

“Come on,” Neteyam said, pulling you. “Let’s swim for a while.”

You and Neteyam swam up the river, fooling around as you splashed water at each other or simply floated as you took in the quiet of the forest around you. After what must have been an hour or two, you both decided you should get home before anyone noticed you were missing. 

Once you stood back on land, attempting to dry yourselves off, you thanked Neteyam. “Thank you for getting me to sneak out and showing me your secret place. I really needed the break.” 

Neteyam glanced at you smiling, “I’m glad to share my secret place with you,” Neteyam said, pulling his wet braids back. “It can be our place from now on.” 

You smiled, diverting your eyes to the ground, feeling your cheeks heat up with a blush. 

You and Neteyam worked your way back to the Omaticaya village. In between conversations with Neteyam, you thought about how you felt happy with him, wishing you and Neteyam could have sorted out your issues sooner so you could have felt this joy years earlier. Everything happens when it needs to, you supposed. 

You were pleased with the way you and Neteyam’s relationship had matured and progressed that last few weeks. You felt hope that you could be a mated pair that got along, able to lead the Omaticaya people together. For the first time, you agreed with your friends; you were indeed lucky. 

Once you reached your home, located on the west edge of the village, you stopped to face Neteyam. “I guess this is good night.” You said, wishing you didn’t have to part with him. Neteyam smiled again, nodding. “I guess so,” Neteyam said, seemingly disappointed as well. 

Neteyam bent down, placing a kiss on your cheek. “Goodnight, y/n.” 

You smiled, stepping back from Neteyam. You gave him a little wave, walking up the steps to your front door. Without turning around, you opened your door slowly, hoping your parents weren’t awake. 

Neteyam watched as you go, wishing he could follow you into your home, into your room, into your bed. Once your front door closed, Neteyam turned, heading back towards his home. 

Neteyam was only a few feet away from his home when a figure appeared next to him. “Neteyam,” the voice, who Neteyam recognized as Korra, said. “Where have you been all day? I haven’t been able to find you.”

Neteyam’s stomach dropped, forgetting about Korra while he was with you. Korra was a Na’vi in the clan who had made it very clear that she had her sights set on Neteyam. It was known that Neteyam had been seen with other girls in the clan but most of what had circulated around the village was misunderstood. For a moment, Neteyam wondered if you heard and believed the rumors. Neteyam had always known he was promised to you, and although it was a complicated matter until now, he had never strayed away from the expectation to mate with you one day so he, mostly, stayed away from girls until the day to be with you arrived. 

“Korra, now isn’t a great time.” Neteyam said, moving around her. 

“Neteyam, now is always a great time. Some of us are hanging out tonight, you should come.” 

Neteyam shook his head, “No, Korra, I don’t think so.” 

Korra frowned, “Oh, okay. Well, can I see you soon?”

Neteyam tried his hardest to refrain from grimacing. “No, not like that. As friends, sure, but I don’t think you understand that Y/n and I are to be mated soon and I don’t want to offend her by being around girls without her. Maybe we can hang out as a group sometime.” 

Korra raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms. She tried her best to submerge her frustrated feelings to a place where they didn’t show. “You both should come tonight then. You’re always the life of the party, we just miss you around us. You’ve been so preoccupied lately.” 

Neteyam shrugged thinking about it. Would it be weird to go back and invite you? Maybe hanging out with his friends would help acquaint you with his life. Plus, Neteyam just wanted to see you again, taking any opportunity to spend time with you. “I’ll ask.” Neteyam said, moving away from Korra to finish his walk into his home. Little did he know, he left Korra standing outside his home, her emotions flaming with jealousy, and rejection. 

[bvckbiter]

“Leave me behind.” – ethabaster (romantic) angst

for the request game

Alabaster stares at his boyfriend. “I’m sorry?”

“You heard me.” Ethan turns over in his bunk to face the wall, away from Alabaster. “If you really plan to defect, you better fucking leave me behind.”

“Why?”

“I’m in this for better or for worse, Bas. There’s no world where I take the easy way out.”

“The easy way—” Alabaster swallows hard as heat rises to his face. He’ll be damned if he cries in front of Ethan, even if the tears were of anger. “Ethan, if this goes on, nine-tenths of our army will be decimated by the time we win.”

“That’s the price of war.”

“Three of my siblings died today!”

“Not in vain. We rescued the Clazmonian Sow from the Hunt.”

“And that’s what they’re worth?” Alabaster’s voice crack. “A flying pig? Makes me wonder what you’d trade me in for.“

A sigh. Ethan sits up.

“Come here.” Ethan draws him in. A sob rips a path out of Alabaster’s chest as he buries his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

A few seconds is all he lets himself indulge in before Alabaster pulls away, furiously scrubbing at his eyes. "if you're really sorry, then come with us," he says heavily. "I'll lose my mind if I see any more of my siblings die. Or you."

"I can't." A strong hand tucks errant strands of hair behind his ear, rueful and loving. "Three of your siblings might've died today, General, but do you know how many other demigods have died since I joined the Army?"

Alabaster sniffles. Maybe thirty-two, thirty-three. He'd lost exact count at twenty. Keeping demigods alive as the Army moved around the North American continent without the magical protections that Camp Half-Blood offered had been incredibly difficult; not all newcomers adapted well, especially the younger ones.

He's so tired.

"We have a cause, and we have a responsibility to the corpses we stand on," continues Ethan. His hand slips down Alabaster's face, tracing his jaw before nudging the younger boy to look at him. "I can't let their deaths be in vain, even if you're willing to turn tail because some of them hit closer to home than you were prepared for."

"Do you always have to be so pragmatic?" Alabaster heaves.

"I'm not saying that I relish their deaths. There's a reason why I remember the number, and every single one of their names and faces." A trembling smile spreads on Ethan's lips. "But it's nothing that I don't expect of myself, too."

With the tidal wave of grief and the combined six hours of sleep he'd managed over the past three days, every remaining neuron in Alabaster's brain is struggling to keep firing. Too many emotions and arguments and apologies fighting its way out of his body.

It's infinitely easier to sink back into Ethan's embrace.

"I hate you," Alabaster mumbles.

"You like that I give zero fucks about openly disagreeing with you. I mean, you said so yourself when you very dramatically made your feelings for me known." Soft snickers escape them both, before Ethan's tone turns somber again. "Changed your mind?"

Their foreheads touching and fatigued breaths mingling, Alabaster traces the eyepatch strings along Ethan's temple.

"A good general doesn't leave his men behind, I guess," Alabaster answers, hoping and holding his mother's words to his aching heart as a balm.

We will be victorious, Alabaster. I'm sure of it.

---

"Child," his mother warns, Greek fire-green eyes flaring in alarm as Alabaster's discordant laughs echo around them.

"Mother," he says hysterically. "Even if I leave him here, I can't let his death be in vain."

"Think about the siblings you have left under your care."

"Ethan would've wanted this." His fist curls iron-tight around his sword, the handle of it now bound to his hand by the frayed eyepatch he'd pried off Ethan's broken body. "We regroup."

***

thanks for this req! it was extremely yummy to write 😋

this is based off an idea i had of ethan and al having kind of opposite trajectories wrt their loyalties to kronos. ethan is under no illusion that hes being a hero and this will be a bloodless fight, only turned by the excessiveness and aimlessness of kronos' violence; meanwhile al genuinely wants to be the good guy and struggles with making sacrifices even if it's for what he perceives as a good cause - right up until he's lost too much and he gets hits with the worst case of sunken cost fallacy known to man

ethan is a tad manipulative here, which is something i don't think i see that often in fanworks, but i just think that with al being Delusional™️, ethan is also kind of the og Delusional™️ even if it's to a lesser degree, so it's fun to kind of sprinkle in how one influenced the other... al had to learn his shit somewhere.

casualty numbers completely made up on the fly. im not here for statistics-scaling

[neo91502]

Teetering Beginnings - A 200 Followers Special

2,025 words

After many days passed by, SMG4 couldn’t help but to have questions start to build up in his mind. Ever since meeting the peculiar meme guardians, SMG4 couldn’t shake some questions off his mind. He already knew that these two meme guardians aren’t similar to SMG3 and himself in several ways. It was so strange. Even their guardian pods were different in the sense of having actual patterns on them rather than about 2 colors total. Yet, here he is, trying to pinpoint their origins and what could’ve happened to make them be here or even meme guardians for the matter. 

SMG4 and SMG9 were both sitting on opposite sides of the couch in the game room, dusk starting to approach. Even though SMG4 knew there was so much mystery surrounding SMG9 and SMG10, he still couldn't shake off this weird dread he had. He sat there leaning on the arm rest with an elbow, a hand against his cheek. SMG9, on the other hand, was much more stiff and slightly slouched, partially leaning against the couch while looking down at their own lap, hands overlapping over the other on their lap. SMG4 could tell they were lost in their thoughts, but he couldn’t blame them for it. 

“Hey,” SMG4 partly called out to SMG9, snapping them out of their thoughts. “Why are your ears… pointy? Is that natural or…?” SMG4 asked, gesturing to SMG9’s clearly pointed and inhuman ears. SMG4 didn’t want to sound insensitive or anything, but the ears on both of the meme guardians caught his attention, especially how they moved, as if showing emotions whether the two liked it or not. 

“I’m not… sure. I’m assuming they’re natural, I arrived here with them,” they nervously replied, fiddling with their fingers. It wasn’t hard to tell how anxious they were. A constant tapping from their foot hitting the ground, ears pointed down, brows furrowed, finger twiddling, and a small frown. 

SMG4 knew how it felt being in an unfamiliar place, especially one where you know about no one. He let out a sigh, not having much trust in SMG9 as he got up from the comfort of the couch in the game room. As much as he’s unsure of letting SMG9, practically a stranger to him still, stay in the castle, he knew that they had really nowhere else to go. 

The blue-clad guardian stepped over in front of SMG9 and held a gloved hand out with a small smile, offering to help them up from the couch. SMG9 looked up at SMG4, sitting there for a few moments before tentatively taking grasp of SMG4’s gloved hand, standing up with the help of SMG4. 

SMG9 looked off to the side once mumbling a small ‘thank you,’ almost immediately letting go of SMG4’s hand. They weren’t sure of what to do. In comparison to their own hand, SMG4’s felt colder, but to SMG4, their hand was pretty warm, almost uncomfortably in a way. 

Both meme guardians sat in silence for a few seconds before the dark cyan-clad guardian started to turn away and walk off away from SMG4. In response to that, SMG4 deeply frowned, tilting his head to the side and letting his hands fall to his sides. Something in SMG4’s mind was telling him that he fucked up somehow as he raised a hand to latch onto his other arm, brows furrowing in perplexion. 

As he stood there alone, he couldn’t help but to have a sense of feeling unnerved. 

-

SMG10 sat in silence in SMG3’s cafe other than the occasional noises they could hear from SMG3 cleaning up around the place, especially hearing the squeaking noise of when he would hear a mug being cleaned. With the destruction they left in the Internet Graveyard, SMG3 wasn’t having any shit with them. Even with the first impression not being the best, they could at least tell that SMG3 took an interest in their behavior and didn’t immediately scream at them, but rather told them firmly to help clean up. 

At least now they had someone and some place to stay at, along with learning new things in this world that they don’t have much of a clue of arriving to. With a heavy sigh, they looked down at the mug of hot chocolate that sat in front of them, using a gloved finger to lightly trace the rim, boredom consuming their mind. 

“So, you got any plans or anything, or do you just plan on sitting there and looking sad?” SMG3 asked, speaking up a bit, even when he didn’t really need to. 

SMG10 glanced up from their mug and rested both hands next to it as they turned to glance at SMG3, alike to a side eye. Their eyes were half-lidded in both a tired and bored way, a slight frown tugging at the sides of their mouth. “Not really. I did only randomly crashed into this strange world about 2 weeks ago, y’know.”

“Hey, don’t blame me for looking so uninterested in everything around you. Thought you’d be looking around with wide eyes or something,” SMG3 replied, a slight chuckle at the end, almost as if finding SMG10 looking around the place with big comical. He had been behind the counter, leaning against it, clear tired eyes with having to deal with more in the world. 

SMG10 let out a small huff. “You always look so done with everything, how else should I try to say? I barely have anything to talk about,” the black-clad guardian retorted, referring back to how they literally know barely anything about themself. 

SMG3 glanced off to the side, slightly embarrassed over that reminder. He could really talk about anything while SMG10 is stuck with the inability to talk about much. 

“...I suppose you’re right. Maybe you could take a jab at me one day to remind me to just talk about random shit if you really want to hear about something,” SMG3 replied with a heavy sigh filled with drowsiness and partly regret. 

“Uh huh. If I remember, I’ll do just that,” SMG10 mumbled, their eyes drifting away from SMG3, gazing out the window at the horizon, watching the sun slowly fall as dusk started to fall throughout the Showgrounds. They let out a small sigh, speaking up with a somber tone, “I just don’t know what to do. There’s not really much I even know about myself.”

SMG3 watched them, especially taking note of how their long ears fell. He wasn’t sure how to feel. Considering the fact that he has seen them run rampant and create havoc, the end of the day is the weirdest. He could see the tiredness in their eyes, almost as if uncertainty ran through them each day and used daylight hours as a way to distract themselves from their own thoughts. “...Oi, your hot chocolate is getting cold, I wouldn't recommend drinking it cold.” 

All they really did was give SMG3 a side eye, but then decided to chug down the hot chocolate as they turned their head to make direct eye contact. They sat the mug back down on the table.

“Oh. Uh, I guess that… solves it.”

SMG10 let out a small snicker at how partially horrified and unnerved SMG3 had been. To be fair, to SMG3, he didn’t exactly expect that nor the direct eye contact. At least the two of them weren’t sitting alone in awkward silence as SMG3 continued to try and make the cafe look better than what the actual situation is like. 

-

SMG9 was really just walking around outside of the castle, unsure of what to do. They eventually stopped and went over to a side of a path that looped around the castle, sitting down and using their meme powers. He didn’t want to do too much, just a simple cornflower in the palm of their hands, However, the longer he used his meme powers and to grow the flower in their own hands, the more of a headache they got. Despite knowing they should probably stop, they prevailed on until they felt something strange, hitting them like a truck as they fell unconscious, the last thing that they felt was being cold. 

It felt like they were dreaming. This wasn’t the world that they knew currently, it’s so vastly different. There weren’t memes, only really creatures, which were terrifying. 

They glanced around, then at themself. They still had gloves and the same general colors, but it wasn’t at all the sweater and overalls. Rather, they had boots on as well rather than shoes that blended in with the dark cyan color and faded into the darker, more blue dark cyan. When they reached up to try and touch their own face, there was a barrier blocking their hand. As far as he’s aware, they still had the same ears.

Everything around them looked like blurry, enormous blobs of green. It was all so unfamiliar and familiar at the same time. They felt like they still had relatively the same body shape, but there were a few things that didn’t feel right. 

As they walked around in their heavy outfit, they got close enough to a leaf, it was pretty large compared to them. When they got closer and leaned in, they noticed a pinkish light glowing onto it, making them reach a hand up and grab onto an antenna with a pink glowing orb at the end of it. 

“Strange…” SMG9 mumbled, but soon felt lightheaded as they suddenly came back into consciousness in the actual world again. 

When they opened their eyes, they sat up and immediately flinched back, seeing SMG4 and SMG3 standing over them, both with worry etched on their faces. Well, moreso SMG4’s while SMG3 looked a bit more irritated, but still had worry in his eyes. SMG9 let out a small groan as they sat up, having a small headache at the moment. They looked down at their clenched fist and realized the cornflower that they made had wilted and been crushed. Even though it should’ve been expected, it still made them disappointed and somber that the flower didn’t stay alive. 

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need help standing up?” SMG4 asked, holding out a gloved hand to help SMG9 up.

“I could be doing… much better than what I am now,” SMG9 replied, hesitating on taking SMG4’s hand, but grasped onto it and got up onto his feet once more. They didn’t really say anything other than stare off into the distance to the side, avoiding any eye contact with the two other meme guardians standing there. As they stayed staring off to the side, they noticed a few other flowers that were near them that were definitely not there before. There had been rhododendrons and snapdragons that sort of started to surround SMG9. They weren’t sure how they appeared, but now those flowers are there for whatever reason. 

“At least you’re awake now. It’d be much worse if you didn’t wake up or anything,” SMG4 said, letting out a small exhale. Even if it was very faint, SMG9 could hear it pretty damn well. As SMG4 gave SMG9 a small smile, he turned away and did a small head nod, signaling to SMG3 about something that SMG9 didn’t understand. 

The dark cyan-clad guardian frowned as they stood there, watching SMG3 and SMG4 walk away and talking to each other in a hushed tone. They weren’t sure on why they suddenly left, but they couldn’t blame the two from walking away. SMG9 already knew that the two didn’t really trust them, which, yeah, that’s fair considering they came out of nowhere. It still hurts though. It wouldn’t NOT hurt for SMG9. 

To be fair, SMG9 and SMG10 were both two guardians who were unrecognizable. No one knows who they are nor why they’re here. 

Not even themselves. 

SMG9 couldn’t help but to turn around, facing towards the ever so setting sun. It didn’t feel real; almost as if none of this was even happening. 

It felt terrifying to SMG9. It felt like the whole world was caving in on them.

[edenfenixblogs]

I have told the one (1) real friend I have out here that I plan to move home because the antisemitic isolation has gotten so bad.

If I were a pettier person, I wouldn’t tell anyone else until I’m already closed on a house back home. And when they’re like “why are you moving?” I’d say “antisemitic isolation from most social groups.” And when they ask “Why didn’t you say anything?” I’d say, “Because you’re the ones who did the isolation.”

I won’t. Cuz that won’t actually solve anything. It’ll just make people who don’t think they’re antisemitic go “oh? Eden? Yeah that was super weird how she called us all antisemites and then left. She must’ve been a Zionist or something cuz I didn’t even say anything about Palestine to her.”

Like…I know. You didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t ask how I was doing. You certainly didn’t acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, beyond liking one (1) post a few months ago. Most of you muted me on here. Most of you don’t respond to unrelated information or posts in group chats about genuinely nonpolitical topics. None of you are ever “free” to hang out. You don’t support me when I’m sad. Fine, maybe that’s not what you do. That’s ok. My emotions aren’t your responsibility. You don’t offer distraction. You don’t offer an ear. You leave me on read when I see you online.

I see the statistics that seem to say “most people think their friends hate them but they actually really like you!”

But I don’t think this applies to Jews. Especially leftist Jews tbh. But I do wonder if the antisemites who hate their Jewish friends even KNOW that they hate their Jewish friends.

Like, I wonder what they’d say if they were asked “Do you dislike Eden?” Because I think they’d say no. I think they’d say that, maybe, I’m a little much right now. I’m a little too intense. Maybe they’d say they like me a lot but just want this all to die down before we hang out. Or maybe they’d say that they did used to like me but I’ve recently made them uncomfortable.

But that’s not friendship. When someone you care about enough to call a friend is literally an emotional wreck for months, regardless of the reason, and you have not at any point attempted to be there for them in any meaningful way (and I mean, at all. Hanging out once. Calling once. Asking how I’m doing once. Saying “antisemitism is bad” even once. Taking me up on my offer to discuss anything about current events if they have questions. Politely declining my offer to discuss current events because you find it all too stressful. Letting me know that you care about me as a person but the current crisis is too much for you to think about right now, so you’d rather not bring it up. Literally ANY of these actions and a million others that would take you hardly any effort at all.) then you clearly don’t think of me as a friend, actually. You do hate me, actually.

Because what kind of person does that to a friend. What kind of person abandons us like this? It’s like they might as well just say “we like you so much, but like…not when you talk about or experience life as a Jewish person.”

They might as well just say “she’s fine enough to be around. Too bad she’s a Jew.”

Or, maybe, being isolated from people for 5 months is really distorting my perspective and none of this is true or valid.

But I can’t help but feel…being isolated for 5 months is very much reinforcing my points.

I’m officially done trying to make plans with any “friends,” except the one person who ever replies to me.

I basically said “if anyone ever wants to hang out, let me know” and that’s the last I’ll say to basically any of them about making plans.

What’s the point? I don’t want to beg people to spend time with me.

That said, when I called one of my best friends back home to tell her I was moving back, I told her the isolation was really getting to me. I told her that I was feeling like maybe nobody ever really liked me all that much and that I’m hard to be around and that being Jewish at this time and experiencing pain publicly was just the final straw to them excluding me. Maybe I’m just fundamentally unlikable.

But she told me that was dumb and I’m dumb for saying it. And she’s seen me at my best and my worst.

Idk. This post is long and personal and weird but I’m trying to be vulnerable and document how I’m feeling during this time. I think maybe I’m prone to look back on this when this current I/P flare is over and think to myself, “maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing.” I want to have a record of how I’m feeling. Because at this moment when I’m living through it, it feels cataclysmic.

Like..I’m not even concerned about any of my “friends” finding this cuz I’m pretty sure they’ve all muted me anyway.