#especially when the nature of his being a link in the cycle of abuse is critical context for exploring the trauma of his victims

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

there are a lot of reasons i think pericles is really slept on as one of the most tragic characters in sdmi, and they start with how easy it is to connect the dots that he took a mind-destroying curse full to the face as an infant. one that breaks adult humans and renders them unrecognizable, when pericles was not only a baby but is from a species that is explicitly much more vulnerable to it. right from the beginning of his life the entity obliterated his sense of self so thoroughly that there's not even a version of him who shows up in the Sitting Room.

fuck, man.

[stackslip]

the thing that kills me most about the recent chapters is how in the end, violence had always been there, lurking under the surface. denji's attempt to mimic a normal capitalist existence always felt empty because in the end said existence was in itself built on violence that was simply hidden from the world. denji's own upbringing and exploitation and starvation as a child, his debt bondage and the violence he lived through were completely normal. the yakuza are and always have been inextricably linked to the japanese government and they say so themselves to makima in part 1--even irl (check out especially the role the yakuza played during the japanese occupation of manchuria, under the leadership of shinzo abe's own grandfather)! and then the violence and exploitation he went through as makima's dog. so really, that normal everyday he reached for--no wonder it felt so empty. it's always been a lie! the violence has always been there, boiling under the surface. in his life, in asa's life, in everyone's lives. violence by humans, violence by devils, violence through capitalism.

and who knows that kind of violence better than denji. any attempt at building even a semblance of kindness and love and stability ends up being swept away, and it's never even about him--it's always about another goal. he's an obstacle in the way, he's a tool to be used, he's an easy sacrifice. i think in the end the relief isn't just in the end of the ennui and pretending, it's also in the fact that denji's known violence and pain his entire life. it's familiar! it makes sense! what did gillian flynn say again? a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. denji again and again has been reduced to his most basic bodily functions--hunger and pain are familiar things to him. they're old companions, they're the sole truth in this world, they're what makes sense to him both as a human and as a devil. tearing yourself and others apart--it's the only thing he's ever been able to have control over without someone tearing it out from under him. it's the one thing that gives him agency! it's the one thing that can't be taken away from him! it's what makes denji denji! if violence is your baseline then it's a relief to return to what you know once everything you tried to build has been taken away. becuse really, you always knew it couldn't stay. it was always going to exist.

and i think what kills me most in this is his reaction to nayuta. nayuta, who chapters ago tried to tell him that violence is normal and in both their natures. but when nayuta sees denji both suffering and inflicting that violence--she flinches, because in the end nayuta is a child! and because no matter what she says, denji has tried to raise her in the absence of violence! so when he says "you should stay away from me" he isn't punishing her. he's saying that he's doomed. he tried with her because he wanted to break the cycle of abuse and for the child born of his and makima's mutual understanding of pain to not have to know this suffering. it's what pochita wanted to! he did his best. he succeeded, in many ways. for all nayuta's lack of empathy and talk of inherent devil instincts, she is, in the end, a child. and that's why denji wants her to leave and stay away from him. he can't be that for her anymore, he can no longer pretend, and he still wants the best for her. denji believes he is nothing but a vessel to receive and inflict suffering anymore, and so nayuta must stay away from him lest she be caught up in the fire.

i don't think fujimoto is saying that all victims are inherently evil and going to revert to this kind of state! it's more complicated than that. i think he is trying to explore the nuances there--how difficult is it for a victim of abuse to escape when the violence they've been through is normalized, and even considered a necessary part of how society functions? how does it "get better" when every time you try to build something, it gets torn down gleefully again and again? how do you rebuild yourself when you have been systematically shaped and remolded to receive and inflict pain, and any attempt at leaving that role sees you punished? is it not better then, to just embrace that role? to let yourself slip back in that mold? at least it's what you know. at least the lie is over, and everyone is forced to reckon with what they have created in you. at least the violence is uncovered and laid bare for the world to witness and receive themselves!

[octoberwitchsblog]

Had a reflection about Carmilla's relationship to men in the Castlevania anime, especially with Hector. He is the only one she can hurt as much as she likes because he's mortal and holds no real power in front of her. It's not only that she finds him weak, girl is beating the shit out of him and seems to deeply despise him. The thing is, Carmilla’s visceral hate of Hector links to the way she views men as automatically wanting to hurt her because she’s only known them as the purest form of danger and predators to her and yet, she deeply envies their characteristic, social ones. I don’t think she wants to be a man per say, on the contrary, I love how deeply comfortable she is with her femininity but she wants the natural power that men hold for no reason other than being men. It makes one bitter to always fight for what others are freely granted and so she becomes the abuser so that she can’t be the abused anymore.

Proof is, she is respectful of her sisters in Styria. She never makes Striga, Morana or Lenore feel like less than her, she values their input and opinions because she knows they can't hurt her. In her own way, she does have affection for them as well. Traumas make you view the world in terms of black and white, evil and good, friends or foes, and to Carmilla, it's men vs women.

Her incredible amount of pain and rage makes her blind to the fact that she is perpetuating the very cycle of violence that she was once a victim of. Of course her goal of ruling the world is profoundly idiotic, but in her mind, if she’ll only feel secure when she’s the most powerful person, because no one up there means no power to hurt her. She precipitated Dracula's fall for that reason because she was intelligent enough to realize that she could never stand up to him at his full power, so she just used the circumstances to her advantage. There are layers and layers of rage in her but also this carapace of cruelty that makes her enjoy taking things away from people. At the end of the day, her simple goal will always be the same ; not being hurt again.

[justanotherthrowaway1950]

Zuko Should Not Help Azula, Firelord Zuko Is Obligated to Help Azula

Note: This Tweet Chain by Aaron Ehasz Details His Thoughts for an Azula Redemption Arc if ATLA Had Gotten a Fourth Season.

Note: This Link Has Screenshots From the Canon TRPG That Confirms That All the Fire Warriors Came From Asylums and That They Were Broken Out by Azula.

Note: The extended Gaang here means the Gaang plus Mai and Ty Lee.

Yes, I know my title is highly confusing, for why would one make the distinction between Zuko and Firelord Zuko, let alone say that Zuko should not help Azula while Firelord Zuko is obligated to do so?

For there is no separating Zuko from his title, and so is it not impossible for Zuko to simultaneously not help Azula while also upholding his obligation to help her?

However, my title is not meant to be taken literally, but instead is meant to be a framing tool for how I hope Zuko (in-universe) and the writers (out-of-universe) deal with the ongoing issue of Azula delusionally thinking it is her true destiny to turn Zuko into Ozai 2.0.

For in regards to the first part of my title, “Zuko Should Not Help Azula”, besides the fact that it is not the job of the abused to help their abusers get better, Zuko is no shape to help Azula considering he blames her from making his life hard from the moment she was born, like it wasn't Azulon and Ozai's faults.

“But shouldn’t Zuko do it because it is the right thing to do? Especially since it would be a good way for Zuko to pay it forward in regards to the help he got from Iroh to escape Ozai’s abuse and the indoctrination he was subjected to as a kid?"

“But what about me, I forgave my abusers, and if I saw they needed help today, I would help them?”

Well, my response to these arguments is that the difference between you and Zuko is that you have had the time to reflect on your abuse before willingly forgiving them and deciding that you want to help them because it is the right thing to do. Whereas Zuko clearly hasn't given himself the necessary time to heal and reflect, and therefore is only trying to "help" Azula due to political considerations*.

(*Zuko realized during the beginning of The Search that the sorry state of his nuclear family reflects badly on him and the message is trying to send to his subjects, and thus tried to “fix” it.)

Like how is a man that still hasn't gotten over his abusive father and is struggling to find his footing as a leader supposed to give guidance to his equally troubled, if not more, younger sister?

That is why, in my opinion, Zuko helping Azula would at best just be a case of the blind leading the blind, and at worst would end with a lot of casualties and/or both of them seriously hurt or dead. Especially considering Azula thinks it is her destiny to turn Zuko into Ozai 2.0 and is the second strongest person in the world behind Aang as of current canon.

“But Zuko’s redemption arc would be incomplete if he didn’t help his foil/the person who represented everything he once wanted.” 

“Zuko helping his sister would not only bring his redemption arc full circle, but also show that he is a better man than Iroh by not only breaking the cycle of sibling hatred, but also helping the one person who Iroh himself never saw worthy of being saved in the first place.”

Well, my response to these types of arguments is that I don't think Zuko's redemption arc would be incomplete if he didn't help Azula since I don’t think Zuko becoming a good person is contingent on him being a “good” brother to a sibling that has repeatedly hurt him. Especially if being a “good” brother requires Zuko to extend the metaphorical olive branch instead of Azula.

For was it not one of the main messages of the TV show that just because someone is family does not mean that you are obligated to stick by them, especially when all they do hurt you?

However, and this is getting to the second part of my title, “Firelord Zuko Is Obligated to Help Azula”, I do think Zuko’s arc as Fire Lord would fall flat if he never found about the abusive nature of the asylums and never got Azula proper help.

And this is because Zuko is the absolute monarch of the Fire Nation, and therefore is responsible for the well-being of all his subjects, including Azula. Especially since the asylums are terrorist breeding grounds, for apparently all the Fire Warriors came from mental institutions, and not just Zirin and Azula.

Not to mention he was Azula's legal guardian/jailer, and not only selfishly agreed to Azula's terms in regard to the search for Ursa so he could more easily/quickly find his beloved mother, but also failed to give chase when Azula ran into the Forgetful Valley even though she was in the middle of a psychotic episode.

And before anyone says that I am contradicting my earlier assertion that it is wrong to ask the abused to help their abuser, there are also political reasons for my line of thought. 

For imagine the political fallout if the Fire Warriors do something irredeemable and their origin story becomes public knowledge?

Like why would the average Fire Nation citizen have any reason to believe that Zuko would be able, or willing, to look out for their best interests? Especially after he caused the Fire Nation to lose the war, forced them to pay reparations, didn't stick up for the colonists in the oldest colonies until he almost lost his head, and almost had a civil war occur under his nose if not for the Fire Warriors hijacking the New Ozai Society for their own purposes?

Because from the Fire Nation’s POV, he selfishly let Azula go on the search for Ursa unbound and with “dignity”, lost custody of her, and, after Azula managed to break several girls out of asylums for her terrorist cell without anyone finding out, failed to capture her due to his own weakness and incompetence. 

And so why should his people not hate a foolhardy, selfish leader who can not protect his own subjects, or exercise any control over the asylum system? Especially when the Fire Warriors, in their reckless desire to turn Zuko into Ozai 2.0, are liable to do something truly irreversibly evil?

“But why are you essentially saying that Zuko should help Azula due to political considerations? Don’t you know that Aaron Ehasz fully intended Azula to be redeemed by Zuko acting as her Uncle Iroh?”

Well, besides the fact that Aaron Ehasz is busy on The Dragon Prince and will likely be unable to write the conclusion to Azula’s arc in a future Avatar Studios work, I think Ehasz’s idea falls into the same pitfalls of the abused helping their abuser and the blind leading the blind when it comes emotional maturity.

And all l am saying is that while Zuko has no whatsoever obligation to help Azula, Fire Lord Zuko does have an obligation to help the Fire Warriors. But if he, after he heals and has time to reflect, wants to help Azula because it is the right thing and/or because she is his sister, that is fine.

Because what happens in the comics, where Zuko during the climax of The Search essentially says he wants to help Azula because she is his sister, but in reality is still too damaged, and lacks the wisdom, to actually help Azula, does no one any favors. In fact, it makes Zuko look dangerously naive, ineffectual, and incompetent as hell. 

For example, do you think Iroh would have been effective in helping Zuko if he hadn't completed his redemption arc and healed, for the most part, from Azulon's abuse?

(Yes, being raised to be a callous, genocidal warlord is abusive parenting, full stop.)

“But wasn’t Iroh naive towards Zuko, not to mention that he gave Zuko a million chances after Zuko had figuratively burned him to the point that most people would have disavowed themselves of Zuko? So why shouldn’t Zuko repay it forward?”

Iroh was a middle aged man who knew what he was getting into when he decided to join Zuko during his banishment and attempted to take him under his wing, and even then, Iroh did give up on Zuko several times.

For did Iroh not shun Zuko during the pre-DoBS portion of S3 before he consciously decided to start helping the obviously troubled Zuko again by urging him to educate himself on his great-grandfathers?

And did Iroh not break out of Fire Nation prison system without saying good-bye to Zuko, presumably because he assumed that Zuko was still under Ozai’s thrall, before reconciling with Zuko only after Zuko apologized to him and he had learned of Zuko’s defection to the Avatar?

Not to mention, Iroh admitted to Zhao, in addition to outright telling Zuko in the Legacy of the Fire Nation scrapbook, that he saw Zuko not only as a surrogate son, but also as a chance to make up for not guiding Ozai down a better path. Motivations that Zuko, for obvious reasons, does not have in regards to Azula.

Also, another key difference is that Zuko was never really a threat to Iroh while Azula is a massive threat to not only Zuko, but also the post-war order that Zuko is supposed to protect.

For Iroh during the events of ATLA the show could always easily defeat Zuko in a fight, in addition to the fact that, even at Zuko’s worse, Zuko never actively sought Iroh’s death.

Not to mention, Zuko alone could not change the tide of the war. 

For while Zuko defecting to the Gaang and telling them of Ozai’s plan to burn the Earth Kingdom, as well as teaching Aang firebending and lightning redirection, was critical to their victory, it took the combined efforts of the Gaang to win the war, and anything less would have resulted in either in their deaths or a way more rougher transition to peacetime.

And while Zuko joining Azula’s coup did help her put a lightning bolt in Aang’s back, Azula did not need Zuko’s help to complete her coup. For she could have let Aang and Katara go and then hunt them down later on after consolidating control of Ba Sing Se, or stalled the duo long enough for the Dai Li reinforcements to help her arrest them like what happened in canon.

Though I admit stalling for reinforcements would have been a lot harder for Azula without Zuko’s help.

Meanwhile, not only did Azula attempt to kill Zuko several times during the events of the TV show, but also almost killed several of Zuko’s loved ones numerous times on top of stalemating the Gaang at several points and achieving the coup of Ba Sing Se with just three people on her side. 

And things get even worse in the comics, for not did Azula repeated try to kill Zuko and friends during the events of The Search, but also formed a child-kidnapping terrorist cell out of asylum inmates that she broke out that not only successful manipulated a reactionary, pro-Ozai group, but also would have succeeded in killing most of the extended Gaang en route to restarting the Hundred Year War if not for the fact that she needs Zuko alive and (relatively) mentally stable so he can be her puppet ruler.

Or in other words, at worst, Iroh’s naivety towards Zuko ended up with him in prison and Ba Sing Se colonized with only one casualty. Meanwhile, Zuko showing naivety towards Azula, especially after the events of the comics, is liable to not only end with him, his friends, and family all dead, but also cause the world to suffer the pains of war once again.

So to sum up considering I have rambled on long enough, Zuko doesn't have any obligation to help his sister Azula. But, Fire Lord Zuko does have an obligation to make sure that his subject, Azula, does get proper medical treatment since she is his responsibility, as well as due to the potential political fallout if he doesn't.

And that I think this the best writing path to take since anything else will make Zuko look incompetent as hell, reduce Azula and the Fire Warriors to “uwu soft babies” who did nothing wrong but be abused, perpetuate harmful stereotypes about the mentally ill (ex. the mentally ill are for the most part dangerously violent, or that they deserved to be abused), or some combination of these outcomes that are ableist and/or reduce the complexity and competence of beloved characters.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Got it. What about Inuit, Yup’ik and Inupiaq stereotypes? Are there a lot of harmful ones to avoid? I do know you shouldn’t make eating meat their entire personality, but what else?

Okay, this is going to get dark, so if you need to blacklist any content warnings (mine are tagged as "[insert content here] mention", do that before reading and if you need me to tag anything specific, please tell me and avoid this post until I get to it.

And again: Disclaimer that simply having an eskimo coded character fall into these stereotypes is not inherently racist or wrong. Keep this in mind as writers of color, and thereby Native writers, often get a lot of shit for writing our experiences as we feel them. Not to mention, yelling at someone trying to do justice to a dark topic, even if they don't succeed, is a shitty thing to do. Some of these have subtextual backing in canon. Remember that although we are looked down on for crimes, wrongs, or unpleasantness we're assumed to have commited, it's the members of our community who suffer most for it. There is value in understanding the pain that comes from the community that's supposed to protect you, and I don't believe the writers of the series had any malicious intentions toward us for writing characters that fall into any of these stereotypes. Recognize the nuance or get off my blog and find someone else to back up your discourse.

I'm going to use the term Native in this context. Natives come from many different cultures and cannot be assumed to be the same, but many of these stereotypes are used against more than just Inuit, Inupiat, and Yup'ik peoples. This is why I find it to be the most appropriate term in this context. I will add my understanding of where these stereotypes came from and why they're harmful, but I am only one person and a full understanding of the topic requires more than one point of view.

"Natives are drunks." The United States used alcohol on Natives the same way Britain used opium on China. They introduced it to us and blamed addiction on our own "weakness of character." This assumption of alcoholism carries with it assumptions of untrustworthiness. For a real life example: I was on a grand jury (a jury that decides whether a case is worth taking to court) years ago and one case was an older Native man accusing his brother of physically assaulting him. For some reason, a nearly all-white jury was deemed to be a jury of this man's peers, and two or three white men violently insisted that it shouldn't be brought to court because it happened at a party and therefore it was just some alcoholics from the village wasting a judge's time. Eventually, after some discussion about how no alcohol was mentioned, it was decided the case should be presented to a judge. I would also like to point out that the Native man in question was entirely sober, well put-together, spoke more cohesively than other cases that day, and had a bad limp.

"Natives are child abusers/molesters." This one actually links to the first stereotype mentioned, and a lot of what I've said on this blog about how abuse perpetuates. There was a lot of physical, mental, and, yes, sexual abuse in the US run schools, especially the Christian ones and boarding schools. (I've heard people mentioning that the priests would more often target the boys because they couldn't get pregnant.) When one gets regularly exposed to this sort of thing, they come to accept it as normal. This normalizing of abuse is bad enough for the one person, but it also affects the way they interact with others when put in similar situations as the abuser. They're hurt and traumatized and weren't effectively told that it was wrong and they shouldn't have been put through that, so they perpetuate it on people as vulnerable as they were when it happened. Movements have started in hopes of bringing awareness and getting help for these people before they can carry out the cycle further. Abuse between adults is also a tricky issue because the ways people are taught to give or not give consent are counterintuitive to cultural norms around verbal and nonverbal communication. See: the "they didn't say no" argument.

"The Stoic Native." There are a number of reasons one culture might emote less than another, especially around people they don't know. This doesn't mean that we don't feel or are too strong or brave to feel. Our emotions are our business and we don't owe anyone an explanation.

"Natives are part of the land." For some reason, a lot of non-Natives have trouble grasping that Indigenous Peoples are human beings in our own right. A lot of media portrays us not as people in the same sense that the outsiders are, but as extensions of the land or the spirits of the land. It's true that generations upon generations of living somewhere means the land will change to reflect the people, but that is due to the influence of people living there and how their culture says to interact with it. This trope reduces us to symbols of "a simpler time" or just as often white people's ideas of nature conservation. It's dehumanizing and infantalizing, ignoring our cultures and civilizations, treating us as either innocent martyrs for someone else's cause, or pests that are done away with once the land is developed.

"The Native Princess." Sometimes the only way non-Natives can see us as people is by pushing cultural norms and forms of government they're more familiar with onto us. Naturally, this means assuming that our civilizations were as successful as they were because they were like the non-Native author's. This is especially gratuitous in the case of Inuit, Inupiat, and Yup'ik peoples because we don't have anything resembling a monarchy. Yeah, this one is explicitly in the text so I can't expect much to be done with it

"Native women are always available to men." I don't know what it is about cultures that consider themselves more "advanced" seeing ones they consider "primative" where women have more autonomy in the relationships they have with men and fewer restritions on their bodies. I don't know how they misinterpret "she can do that here" as "she's there for the taking" but it's so gross and I would like it to stop. Sexuality being more open and not inherently sinful doesn't mean the women don't have standards or won't turn anyone down.

"Natives are broke and/or homeless." This is just the typical racism mixing with classism to make something even uglier situatation. The result is a lot of treatment you see non-Native POC get, such as being followed at the store because they expect you to steal something.

There are more, I'm sure, but these are the ones I get the most. Note that again, it's not inherently bad to write a Native or Native-coded character who drinks or has a lot of partners or is particularly connected to their homeland or poor, but take care to handle it with some sensitivity. Understand that there are implications to these things and real harm can be done by legitimizing racist stereotypes.

[the-ghost-king]

love seeing ur tags on my posts it means i get to think 🥰🥰 anyway mostly agree but at least to me nico’s constant need to prove himself is a sign of feeling like he’s not worth other people’s time and effort and he has to MAKE himself worth it. he does all he can in the hopes that people will notice him and tell him that he’s good enough because he relies on the approval of people he loves. he thinks love is something conditional for him and that he always has to be earning it because he doesn’t have enough worth to have it just granted to him. again this is more my own interpretation of his character and possibly a bit of projection

(Post)

I will not fail to acknowledge that I might also be projecting somewhat onto Nico, what is media but self reflection? I think there's a couple ways you can see Nico that are canonically "correct"

What I personally think happened with Nico is that he was aware he was worth more than the treatment he was receiving, but because so much rejection occurred he eventually just assumed he was the problem. There's things on this I would rewrite now but it holds up okay in what I'm about to try and explain.

The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault.

I think this is something that really describes Nico. He is never able to nestle himself in the comfort of sameness after a certain point. He is not given authority in his own story in the beginning, he is thrust into solitude, he is told he is a monster already and if not then he has no choice but to become one.

And he takes this blame upon himself, believing that it's him who has to prove himself. He doesn't acknowledge that maybe other people have their own biases against him, he says "I have to prove them wrong," and then does his best.

It's important to note that Nico is definitely grappling with Childhood Emotional Neglect, he's in a broken situation- and he recognizes that nobody wants him around, and that he's just more stress for an already stressed group of people, so he just backs down and starts to figure stuff out for himself. We see him accept some help and friendship from The Stolls in TTC but eventually he stops doing this at some point.

His leave from camp and time with Minos is when he is used:

you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this

This is something I would say is very true about this time period of Nico's life. Minos emotionally exploits Nico, emotional neglect and abuse (possibly physical abuse, who knows) are defining characteristics of their interactions. Nico talks about how Minos will just randomly leave him for extremely long periods with no assistance, and about how when he's around he's always telling Nico to try harder, to do better, do more. Note the time he tells Nico "you have no power over me", he's definitely holding things over Nico's head. I don't think it's wrong to assume comfort is a part of that, Nico is alone all the time at this point, and I'm sure he's starved for touch, and support, and connection- and he will take whatever he can get whether or not it is good or right.

At first he doesn't do anything against this, and it might be because he was so starved for attention that he was willing to endure abuse to receive somewhat a consistent form of it. I also think there's some evidence that points to the idea Nico was getting something from Minos, training and similar stuff, it's possible he was willing to form and upkeep a toxic relationship with him in order to gain experience.

However, I do disagree with "and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing because you don’t believe you’re worth anything more than this" because Nico does realize eventually that his situation isn't sustainable and that he has to do something- so he takes his narrative back into his own hands:

“Minos laughed. "You have no power over me. I am the god of spirits! The ghost king!" "No." Nico drew his sword. "I am.” (X)

So Nico, if he ever thought he was worth the treatment of being used for someone elses personal gain, he definitely overcomes some of it here, if not all of it. Nico is manipulated and used for Minos's personal gain, but he recognizes that it's not sustainable and makes a stand for himself. And this is the first time in the series where Nico truly is able to take control of his own narrative, everything before this moment is Nico being forced, or Nico with something looming over him, Nico crowning himself is him claiming his story.

So let's consider Hades in all of this, I don't think Hades manipulated Nico to the extent Minos did- but nonetheless, he did manipulate and abuse him, and this hurt Nico more than when Minos did it. Again, in the situation with Hades this is also true, "you unknowingly wear your heart on your sleeve and people will see this and take advantage of your trusting nature and unconditional love and they’ll never really love you they’ll just see you as an easy tool to be manipulated and used how they see fit and you won’t recognize that this is a bad thing". By the time Nico and Hades truly start interacting, we see that Nico's heart hasn't been fully removed from his sleeve, but it may have been lightened.

Here's the thing about the way Nico approached Hades, it's not naïve to trust family. The text in multiple places implies that Hades was around for at least a handful of years when Nico was a kid, it's not unlikely that Nico may have taken naps on his shoulder, held his hand to cross the street, maybe called him "Papa", "Dad", or "Tata" (Italian, English, old Greek). It makes sense that Nico goes to him, what doesn't make sense to Nico at first is that Hades would manipulate him. Unlike many of the other demigods, Nico knows he was a choice, and that at some point he was something wanted, so he expects some level of okay treatment from Hades. Hades loved his mother, and Hades if not wanting of Nico would have wanted Maria's wishes fulfilled, and Nico probably remembers Hades treating him warmly- or at least not harshly. The way Nico went to Hades makes sense, he wasn't expecting open arms surely, but he also wasn't expecting abuse.

Hades emotionally exploits Nico by using information about Maria, what would a little boy want more than the safety of his mother? He's so starved for human contact, who ever held him more than his mother? Who ever loved him more than her? Once Nico delivers Percy to Hades, his father crushes him, not only by harming Percy but by exploiting Nico's trust through Nico's mother- one of the things he's most desperate for.

We see Nico's heart come off his sleeve at this point, maybe not fully, but enough to where a stranger couldn't recognize it at first glance, and in a way where he has the means to hide it from most.

Except we don't see much of this, because the series is narrated by Percy- and Nico can't hide his heart from Percy.

Almost everything Nico does, everything he tries to do, is for Percy. Nico is so desperate for contact that he is pliant, but in Percy's hands Nico actually wants that contact, he's not interested in imitations of love or substitutes- he's looking for the real thing.

And Mr. Oblivious does-Annabeth-like-me Jackson isn't in any headspace to realize that a boy might like him, let alone Nico. This concern that Nico will join Luke, isn't entirely because Percy is misreading signals, but it's definitely part of it. Nico likes Percy so much that at one point he is willing to go to Tartarus if not entirely for him, then partially for him.

If Percy had realized, and rejected Nico- maybe he would have joined Luke, or at least he definitely would have been more likely to. The perception of Nico we get in PJO from Percy is unreliable, because Percy looks at Nico through the lenses of a concerned older brother, and Percy feels guilty in some way for the situation Nico is in. This gives not only a skewed, but slightly falsified narrative of who Nico is.

The original post of mine I linked, although yes, I would like to rewrite aspects of it now it holds up in the sense that Nico is always trying to prove himself, and this is a bit different than being a puppet. Nico is so starved that it is present in everything, @/arabnico gets it right:

nico’s longing is just so raw it consumes him whole and he cannot hide it at all because it reflects in absolutely everything he does and is nico’s just the means of the way for them and he settles for being it because he doesn’t think he can be much better or even deserves to it is sometting so twisted because nico has this innate utalitarian desire to be useful and to do something and to do the right thing but in the game of things he’s reduced to that puppet in the hands of fate and deities millennia older than him that see a wounded wandering soul doomed to be forever alone by a destiny so cruel it keeps him on his knees

Nico, in PJO especially, has little control over his own narrative. His mother is killed in punishment for his father's "wrongs", Nico is forced to endure this. Bianca grows tired of caring for Nico and leaves him behind, this is not Nico's fault but Nico is forced to endure the consequences of her actions. Bianca's fate is decided on a quest Nico isn't even able to go on, he is forced to endure the results. Nico then breaks the cycle, declaring himself The Ghost King, and dethroning Minos. Nico is forced to endure Hades's manipulation only because he did not see it coming, this wasn't an aspect in which Nico didn't have his narrative (he had already taken ownership of his narrative) but a blind spot in his rational.

The place where we vary is why Nico behaves this way, we can agree that it's because he's starving for human connection- but you believe it's because he has no confidence he is willing to submit himself, while I see his submission as an act of desperation.

Personally, I think to argue that Nico is like this as a result of lack of confidence does a disservice to his narrative (obviously it's fine to view him however you wish, and I wish you all the fun in doing so!). To boil this down to starvation and lack of confidence removes some level of Nico's autonomy in his own life, but also strips him of one of his strongest characteristics- those qualities of him which are like Orpheus.

Nico willing to go to the ends of the earth for love is not a weakness but a strength, his ability to carry on beyond the point in which he needs a rest is not a weakness but a sign of strength. His ability to go to the ends of the earth to right wrongs, and to show his love:

"... Cupid struck, slapping Nico sideways into a granite pedestal. Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work- a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you- especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards."

Cupid is explaining Nico's idea of love in this scene, we see Jason say he prefers Piper's idea of love- but Nico only knows love in the way cupid describes, working desperately for a few moments with Bianca, working just to hear any scrap of information about his mother, always trying to prove himself to Percy- to overcome the way he feels about Percy (and boys in general).

Nico has only known love as something you walk to the ends of the Earth for, but he never stops fighting to be loved and acknowledged. Lesser men would give up and lay down, accept they are unworthy, but Nico keeps pushing to be acknowledged and accepted- to be recognized and loved without having to walk to the end of the Earth, but Nico knows he has to walk to that edge and face it before unconditional love will come to him.

To imply that Nico seeks love the way he does because he's unconfident in his ability to receive love ignores the idea that he's had his life forced into this position because of the fates. It loses acknowledgment to the strength it takes to pick yourself up and walk to the end of the Earth time and time again, because if he was unconfident then he would eventually lay down and accept he shouldn't be loved ever again.

I don't think confidence doesn't play into this at all though, it definitely has some impact on Nico, he does view himself as inherently less (he is overly self sacrificial- think Tartarus :/), and he does try to remove himself from others:

You yourself said: you blame yourself for the way people have hurt you, taken advantage of you, and abandoned you. they exploit your love and your naïveté time and time again. you tell yourself, surely, there must be something wrong with you. because—you are convinced—that people are good. “if they hurt me, it is because i am flawed. it is because i am weak. people will always hurt me—even people i love. it’s an inevitable truth for me.” (X)

And this connects to what I said: "The thing about being rejected is that the first time you argue it's the other person. And the second time you'll argue it's still them. If you're still arguing it's other people the third time, maybe but it's thin ice... But eventually you just have to accept that you're at fault."

I do think there's a reason Nico makes himself so "utilitarian", because he hasn't been handed unconditional love since Bianca. But again we disagree on the why, I see Nico's behavior in his utilitarian example of love as caring, the way more people should be in love. Too many people see love as something given without restraint, and yeah, love should be unconditional but in order for love to be unconditional you have to do the work to lay good foundation. To be utilitarian in loving is not an act of weakness, or a symbol of lack of confidence, it is a showcase of more care in love than most have to offer. We care for things, and place value on them determined by how much love and care goes into those things.

I also don't see Nico's self blaming for what happened as flawed, it's logical in his situation, and a common result of CEN. This self blame shows care and kindness, and this coincides with Nico's arcs, "If I am bad, how do I improve? If I have no choice but to be evil, how do I still be good?". Nico is always fighting not to be recognized for good or bad, but to be recognized for what he is.

Trust is not naivety either, the only reason Nico is regarded as naïve is because of the extreme circumstances of his life. People shouldn't have to expect abuse from people who are supposed to love them, people should have to accept abuse in order to receive love. If Nico's life had turned out different, his naivety wouldn't be viewed as a weakness but a strength- a kindness.

We're not actually viewing Nico all that different, there's this space where his character blurs together, and it becomes an individual duty to determine at what point a flaw becomes a strength, and a strength a flaw. Nico's stubbornness is a flaw if we're thinking about grudges, but it's a strength in his work ethic. Nico's ability to stand on his own is a strength in terms of questing, but it's a flaw when it prevents him from experiencing love in fullness.

[autisticandroids]

"Emotional in*est"- Do you even hear yourself? There's no such thing as emotional in*est. Just say you're a win*est shipper and go. I hate how freaks like you always try to grasp at straws to seem all "intellectual", when you're nothing but a freak who faps to things like ped*philia, best*ality and in*est. THAT'S why Jensen hates shippers. You don't want to see a positive queer relationship, you just want to read about Jensen getting fu*ked no matter who or WHAT it is. You're disgusting

now, i want to be clear, i received this ask at 2:46 am, about an hour after posting this answer. i want you to read that linked post. it’s a discussion of familial abuse. specifically, anon was talking about how upsetting they found the nature of trauma in supernatural - how none of the characters ever break the cycle. they mention how i had talked about sam and dean as a potentially emotionally incestuous relationship as something they found relatable to their own situation of familial abuse. i responded by agreeing that it’s upsetting that supernatural did that, and trying to comfort them a bit.

this anon saw that, and immediately not only accused me of incest fetishism, but sent similar anons to my mutuals.

@steveyockey messaged me this anon that he received, seemingly at about the same time i did. it’s clearly the same person. now, i love ziz, but we don’t have a significant public relationship. we don’t, say, talk about each other in posts or tags. i think i’ve mentioned her once. i reblog a lot of his posts and he reblogs a few of mine, but i have many other much more obvious public relationships, some of them with other BNFs like ziz. i expect that as they start to wake up, they too will notice that they’ve received anons like this.

all of this over explicitly talking about the familial abuse dynamics legible in supernatural, a show whose perhaps most persistent theme is toxic and abusive family dynamics.

the obsessive moral panic over the existence of wincest is fascinating to me, especially coming from destiel shippers. i’ve discussed in the past how i personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with people shipping wincest, as long as they do it far away from me, because i find incest gross and don’t want to hear about it. 

sam and dean have a dynamic in the text of the show that you could reasonably read as emotionally incestuous - they fill the role traditionally filled by a romantic partner. this is emphasized by the fact that when sam tries to escape dean, which he does with some regularity until season eight, which is when he just gives up, he always immediately finds a romantic partner, and is then eventually dragged away from her by dean. sam knows, on some level, that in order to escape dean, which he wants to do, he needs to replace dean in his life with someone else, in order to make it more difficult for dean to reclaim that role by force. 

this stuff is all in the text of the show, with not that much interpretation. it’s a pretty solid depiction of cycles of familial trauma and abuse. john parentifies dean (which is a form of abuse related to covert incest), dean turns around and does covert incest to sam. 

when i’m analyzing supernatural seriously, one of the things that interests me the most is the theme of familial abuse. this interpretation inevitably comes up when i’m discussing that, because it’s an intensely plausible interpretation of the text. the fact that i immediately get accused of being an incest fetishist (and a pedophile and zoophile?) for mentioning it seems to indicate that there is, frankly, something wrong in the destiel fandom.

but frankly, i don’t like this defense of myself. it’s a little too “no, not me! you have the wrong witch!” for my tastes.

even if i were an incest fetishist, it is intensely creepy to me that not only did i get an angry message about it, other people did as well. the wave of purity politics that has overtaken fandom spaces is intensely unsettling to me, especially the anti-sex bent that it’s taken in recent years. 

when i was a teenager, there was still a very damaging purity culture in tumblr fandom, but it was around social justice - how do you be the least racist, least sexist, least transphobic, least homophobic, least ableist person, and so on. this culture was intensely damaging to me, psychologically, exacerbating already present obsessive compulsive and other anxious tendencies, but at least i agreed with the basic project: i do think it’s good for people to try to become less racist, less sexist, less homophobic, less transphobic, less ableist. i think that participating in a terrifying, abusive purity cult is a bad, damaging, and ineffective-in-the-long-term way to do that, but i think the intent is in the right place. 

however, because of certain changes in online culture, that kind of social justice has kind of become “cringe” and therefore fallen apart. like, it’s still present, but far less strong than it used to be. but the purity cult has remained, only now it’s explicitly only about sex. people will try and hunt down the most deviant expression of sexuality they can find, and put that on trial. it doesn’t matter what that sexuality is. i am frequently on record as saying that if wincest didn’t exist, destiel would be considered the irredeemably problematic ship of the supernatural fandom, and in fact i’m constantly surprised that i, personally, have never been cancelled for romanticizing abuse, something which i try not to do, but walk a pretty fine line on. but no one cares about the toxicity of destiel because rather than having a sensible barometer of reasonable behavior, everyone is simply fixated on finding and persecuting the most deviant option available. thus, since destiel is by comparison less deviant than wincest, it’s fine. 

but this culture doesn’t actually have anything to do with, like i said, a sensible barometer of reasonable behavior. it just goes for the most deviant option available. the same culture that comes for wincest shippers is the culture that comes for, i don’t know, people who ship the wrong she-ra ships. as you can probably tell, it’s been a while since i’ve been in a giant fandom full of youngsters. it’s not actually about the specific morality of shipping wincest, it’s about asking “who is it okay for me to hurt” and finding the most deviant people available for an answer. 

this is why they reached so hard to try and accuse me of being a wincest shipper. they wanted to bully someone, or perhaps they had a problem with me (though given that they don’t seem to have searched my blog, because if they had they would have found better ammunition, i suspect it’s the former), and so they accused me of shipping wincest - the worst possible accusation, an accusation that makes it okay to accuse me of anything and do whatever they like to me. 

like, you, The Girl (GN) Reading This, should be creeped out by this behavior. no matter what your opinion of wincest. even if you post “wincesties die” every day. because you will more than likely at some point in your life find yourself on the wrong end of this culture, for something which you consider totally innocuous. that, or perhaps you will be coerced into participating in some kind of bullying campaign, which is traumatizing in its own sense - even if you enjoy it at the time, it’s likely you will grow to regret it. hurting other people sucks.

i’m going to bed and i’m going to leave this as my last post until i wake up in like, four hours, so as many people can read it as possible. i would love for people to think about the kind of fan culture they’re participating in where not only me but people i interact with get sent these kinds of messages.

i don’t know, i feel like this *checks notes* fifteen hundred word essay i’ve written is a touch pearl-clutchy. anon hate is something normal on the internet. i get it about once a week, and normally i respond with jokes. some people are just assholes. i’m unusually sensitive about this kind of thing because like i said, i’ve had some formatively bad experiences with social justice purity politics. i also put a lot of value on having my cards on the table - if someone is going to get mad at me for saying “i don’t think wincesties should die” i would like them to get mad now, and not wait until i trip over a landmine. so those things were definitely part of the reason i wanted to write this.

but in this case, this person who decided to be an asshole was also sending messages about me to other people i know, which is creepy in and of itself, but also: i don’t necessarily trust the people i know in this fandom not to decide to shun me on the strength of an anonymous accusation of wincest shipping. that’s how strong the purity culture is in this fandom in specific. and i personally find that incredibly distasteful. like, you’re gay people aren’t you? you’re aware that mainstream society will always consider you sexual deviants no matter how respectable you are? yes? like this person wants to intentionally destroy my social connections and reputation. which is much more threatening than just saying nasty shit to me on anon.

[blacksunscorpio]

Astrology of Mental Illness Part 2

Cluster C personality disorders

Cluster C personality disorders encompass the spectrum of fear and anxiety. They cause interpersonal friction due to the person’s inability to face certain fears.

Obsessive-compulsive Personality Disorder

People with this disorder fear that if they do not carry out certain tasks or stick to rigid rules, something horrific will happen. As such, they obsess over orderliness, rules, and cleanliness. This inflexibility can hurt their relationships.

Dependent Personality Disorder

The fear of having to take care of oneself guides people with this condition. They rely on others to make decisions for them and take care of all their needs. As such, people with this disorder are at risk for being abused and staying in those situations, even when they have options for leaving.

Avoidant Personality Disorder

People with this disorder are afraid of any criticism or rejection. In order to avoid these experiences, they may go through extreme measures to avoid contacting people at work or attending social events.

Since the aforementioned involve social life, interpersonal relationships, self, esteem, fear, and worth work and routine- we’re wanting to look at Mercury, 7th House, 2nd house, Venus, 6th House, Pluto, Jupiter, Saturn,10th house, 4th House, 11th and 12th houses. Morever;

Mercury in afflicted 6th house [work and routine plus afflicted equals stress in excess]

afflicted 6th house stellium

Moon in hard aspect to Jupiter  [Mood and emotion in excess making one dependent- typically to mother]

Mercury in hard aspect to Pluto [obsessive thinking]

Moon in hard aspect to Mercury

3rd House afflicted

7th house afflicted

6th house afflicted

11th House afflicted

Sun in 12th [hidden personality]

Afflicted Moon in the 1st

Malefics to 7th house

Saturn in 1st, 4th, 5th, 8th or 11th & 12th and afflicted

Venus in hard aspect to Neptune or Uranus/11th [delusions in love/with others]

Moon in hard aspect to Mars

Plutonic stellium in 1st, 12th, 8th or 4th

Jupiter squaring Saturn

Moon square Saturn [restriction or lack of emotion]

Mercury in hard aspect to Chiron

Chiron aspecting  1st in affliction

Mars ruled by Saturn in hard aspect to Moon

Venus ruled by Saturn in hard aspect to Moon or Pluto

Venus ruled by Moon forming had aspects to Pluto or Neptune

Outside of the clusters we have other disorders

Bi Polar [Manic Depressive] Disorder

Defined by alternating periods of depression and mania that can last from days to months. Unlike borderline personality disorder, the mood swings of bipolar disorder are not triggered by interpersonal conflicts, last for days to weeks or months rather than minutes to hours, and episodes are, by definition, accompanied by changes in sleep, energy, speech, and thinking.

During times of mania, symptoms might include

An excessively happy or angry, irritated mood

More physical and mental energy and activity than normal

Racing thoughts and ideas

Talking more and faster

Making big plans

Risk taking and Impulsiveness (substance abuse, sex, spending, etc.)

Less sleep, but no feeling of being tired

Poor judgment

During an episode of depression the experiences will be:

deep sadness

hopelessness

loss of energy

lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed

periods of too little or too much sleep

suicidal thoughts

Since these symptoms live in the realm of communication, drive, cognitive ability, and the somnia cycle, we’re going to want to look at Mercury, Mars, 12th House, Uranus, Pluto and 8th house. [Depression that isn’t part of the bi-polar or manic diagnosis is also included with the following aspects]

Moon in the 8th forming malefics aspects

Signs ruled by Mercury afflicted by moon [Gemini/Virgo] can show a dual nature in mood

Neptune in the 8th

Moon in the 12th

Moon in hard aspect to Neptune

Moon in hard aspect to Mars

Moon in hard aspect to Uranus

Uranus ruling 4th

Uranus in hard aspect to North Node

12th House malefics

Mercury in hard aspect to Uranus

Mercury in hard aspect to Neptune

Mercury in hard aspect to Saturn in a water sign or house [water equates emotion and Saturn is restriction and discipline, mercury is the mind that can be affected by the restrictive nature of Saturn making the house take on depressive energy].

3rd House Ruler afflicted by Pluto

3rd House Jupiter afflicted

Jupiter in afflicted 4th House

Jupiter in afflicted 12th

Pluto in hard aspect in the 8th

Pluto in hard aspect in the 1st [Pluto is the depths where fear and death live so aspecting the house of “i am” can make one’s “Self” encompassed or influenced by the energy, especially if poorly aspected]

Chiron in the 1st

Chiron in hard aspect in the 1st, 2nd, 5th 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, or 12th.

ADD/ADHD

Also known as attention deficit or attention deficit hyperactive disorder by definition is a chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness. ADHD often begins in childhood and can persist into adulthood. It may contribute to low self-esteem, troubled relationships, and difficulty at school or work. Since we’re looking at Mars =Impulse/drive, Uranus= sudden and uncontrollable behavior, 3rd house of learning and communication, Chiron= pain and wounds, 9th house of higher learning, Sun which is ego and Saturn which is discipline, You’ll typically see

Uranus in the 5th

Uranus in the 3rd

Afflicted 3rd house stellium [difficulty focusing while learning]

afflicted 6th house stellium [difficulty focusing at work/routine]

afflicted 9th house stellium [difficult to focus in school]

High concentration of Mercurial or Martian energy

Mercury in hard aspect to Sun

Sun in hard aspect to Saturn and Mars

Mars in the or ruling 1st in hard aspect

Mars in hard aspect to Jupiter

3rd house Mercury in hard aspect

Afflicted Saturn

Mercury in afflicted fire house [fire is drive= Leo, Sag, Aries]

5th house afflictions involving Mars, Uranus, Saturn, Pluto

Neptune afflicting 1st house, 3rd house, 5th house, 6th house, or 10th, 11th or 12th

Mars ruling the moon

Mercury in hard aspect to Saturn

Chiron in hard aspect to Mars

Kleptomania

By definition is an impulse control disorder that results in an irresistible urge to steal. We’re wanting to look at impulse, ruled by Mars, control ruled by Saturn and Pluto, Neptune that rules illusion and deceit in shadow form, and Mercury who rules god of thieves and cunning. 2nd house rules possessions, 11th house, and 7th house are relationships with others, and community.

Mercury square Saturn in 11th

Mercury square Pluto aspecting ruler of 11th, 7th or 2nd

Mercury square Mars in 7th or 11th

Mars square Uranus in 3rd or 11th

2nd house afflicted by Mercury, Neptune, or Jupiter

Saturn in hard aspect to Uranus in the 2nd

Pluto in malefic aspect to the 2nd

Neptune afflicting 8th House [shared resources]

Intermittent Explosive Disorder

involves repeated, sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behavior or angry verbal outbursts in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. This is Anger. Including road rage, domestic abuse, throwing or breaking objects, or other temper tantrums may be signs of intermittent explosive disorder.

Aggressive episodes may be preceded or accompanied by:

Rage

Irritability

Increased energy

Racing thoughts

Tingling

Tremors

Palpitations

Chest tightness

The explosive verbal and behavioral outbursts are out of proportion to the situation, with no thought to consequences, and can include:

Temper tantrums

Tirades

Heated arguments

Shouting

Slapping, shoving or pushing

Physical fights

Property damage

Threatening or assaulting people or animals

Since we’re looking at rage, drive, aggression, power, control and the ability to discipline oneself effectively, we’re wanting to observe Mars, Saturn, Pluto, Uranus [sudden breaks] and a few others, specifically:

Moon ruled by Mars

Mars in hard aspect to moon

Moon in hard aspect to Uranus

Mars in hard aspect to Uranus

Sun in hard aspect to Mars

Sun in hard aspect to Pluto

Sun in hard aspect to Uranus

Saturn in hard aspect to Mars

Algol in hard aspect to 1st, Mars

Nessus in the 1st in hard aspect to Mars, Saturn, Pluto or Uranus

Saturn in hard aspect to Pluto [cruelty] especially sudden if aspecting Uranus

Jupiter in hard aspect to mars [gross or excessive aggression/force]

5th House malefics

Mars in hard aspect to Pluto

Mars in hard aspect to Saturn

Asteroid Pholus in hard aspect to Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus or Pluto. Asteroid Pholus is linked to the myth of the centaur Pholus. In the myth, Pholus shoots his own foot. Pholus is where the “lid comes off” in one’s chart]. He causes “blow ups”.

Nessus in hard aspect to Uranus, Mars, Sun, in the 1st, 4th, or 10th

Astrology of Mental Illness Part 1

[ssaltbending]

Ok, guys, hear me out: Zuko is a Capricorn, Katara is a Cancer —and here’s why (it would be so poetic).

Part 1: Zuko

TW: explicit mentions of child abuse.

I know this statement might seem weird and out of place, but in the last couple weeks I’ve been digging a lot into astrology and, in order not to forget my roots, I thoroughly felt the need to combine both of my most recent obsessions in one post, given that this headcanon hasn’t been able to leave my mind ever since I came up with it: if we applied astrology to the Avatar world, I’m sure Cancer and Capricorn would be Katara and Zuko’s signs, respectively. And I don’t say this in a superficial way, just by looking at zodiac memes and associating Katara with the crybabies Cancers are portrayed as or saying Zuko is a Capricorn buzzkill as people who know astrology on a surface level would assume they are —those are some of the most common stereotypes about the signs. No, I’m saying that they embody those signs on an archetypal leve: in the way their stories, especially Zuko’s, resemble the myths that originate the zodiac signs and their respective traits.

Therefore, without further ado, let me explain.

The Capricorn archetype: the sins of the father...

As any casual astrology enthusiast may probably know, the sign of Capricorn is connected to qualities such as perseverance, integrity, resilience and ambition, typically treated as the CEO or boss of the zodiac. However, the sign itself has a richer and much more complex story as we look at the deities it is associated with as well as the planet that rules it: Saturn, linked to the Roman god of the same name and the greek gods Cronus, Zeus, Hestia and Pan. Some astrologers choose Cronus as Capricorn’s patron god and others prefer his children, but that can be explained very easily.

The myth goes like this: Cronus, a giant and father of what we would know as some of the main greek gods (Hestia, Demeter, Hades, Poseidon, Hera and Zeus), was actually the son of Uranos, who he subverted thanks to the advice of his mother Gaia to use an agricultural tool to kill him. But as time went by and Cronus had started having children with his partner, Rhea, the fear of his descendants becoming stronger than him and doing the same thing he had done to his father took over him, which led to his decision of swallowing them all whole. He started with Hestia all the way back to Zeus, whom he couldn’t swallow right after he was born, unlike his other children, because this time Rhea had hid him in the island of Crete to protect him from his father. To deceive him, Rhea then covered a rock in cloth to make it resemble a baby for Cronus to eat it, thinking that it was a newborn Zeus.

Time passed and Zeus grew stronger until he was ready to confront his father and save his siblings from his womb, and when he finally did it, he managed to force Cronus into disgorge them one by one, in the reverse order they had been swallowed —which left Hestia as the last sibling to be disgorged.

After that, Zeus was left with a prophecy, where he would also be possibly overthrown by a son of his. And after Métis, the woman he was told would bear said child, gave birth he swallowed the newborn whole just like Cronus had done with his brothers and sisters. The child in question, however, started giving him headaches as it grew older and bigger inside of him and would become the goddess we know as Athena. What Zeus did with her was the repetition of a cycle perpetuated by his forefathers, a cycle of abuse and trauma that seems inescapable. What this part of the duality of the Capricorn archetype shows one of the ways in which those ideas of tradition and legacy can be carried on (a very negative one, to be honest), but that’s not the only way they can manifest, which gives the archetype this… almost cinematic quality, in my opinion. (And if we take this into account, I might headcanon Azula as a Capricorn rising due not only to the archetypal coincidences but the overall mastermind outlook she has and how much of a natural, domineering and calculating leader she is, but that’s besides the point.)

Now, let’s talk about the other side of the archetype, which gives it this incredible dual quality: Hestia’s path. Unlike her brother Zeus, Hestia was the one who not only had been devoured by her father, but she had spent the most time inside him as well. This is often associated with the emotional isolation many Capricorns experience in their youth, the lack of warmth and love by one of their parents, along with the desire not to become the abusive parent they were exposed to. Hestia is the other side of the story, the unspoken leader of the Olympians, the one who broke the toxic cycle running in her family for generations, vowing to become an eternal virgin and protector of the earth. Besides, Hestia means “hearth”: the inner fire, the one that is never allowed to go out.

(art by @elisebrave​)

That is the soul of the Capricorn archetype: the crossroads of destiny, the moment when the child decides whether to become like their parents, or forge their own path like Hestia did. Do you guys see what I see now? Are the similarities clear enough?

As my dear friend @persephobeee​ points out in her Capricorn essay (a crucial source for this one): “The Capricorn archetype is a cycle of stuck parents putting stress on their children at such a young age so then their kid ends up making money in retaliation, but then treat their kids the same as well due to the lack of warmth and freedom they had in their own childhood. The intense pressure put onto them as a child [then] leads to isolation and depression. It’s a cycle. ‘I don’t want to be my parent, but also… how they have ruined me’. The chain can continue with Zeus (projecting sorrows and nightmares onto their own children) or it could break with Hestia (the path of love, light and protection).”

This is why Capricorn’s planetary ruler, Saturn, is also associated with ideas found in this myth: restriction, limitation, order, boundaries, leadership, responsibility… pretty much dad vibes, to be honest. Do you guys see what I see or do I have to dig deeper?

“But isn’t zuko a firebender?? Why would he be an earth sign??”, you may ask.

The way that I might be making headcanons about the Gaang’s western zodiac signs isn’t gonna be based on which element they bend, because that would be quite reductive and restrictive for me as an astrology junkie, but their similarities to each sign’s archetype and overall characteristics. And yes, I do see Zuko as an earth sun, but that wouldn’t be his only sign, there is also the moon and the rising sign, which also have an important impact on the individual. In my opinion, Zuko’s personality embodies the qualities of fire signs as well: competitiveness, drive, passion, impulsiveness and loyalty. But to me those qualities are better shown in his character through his moon sign: an Aries moon, to be specific. See those anger outbursts? The “I don’t need any [fucking] calming tea!!”? The “you never think these things through”? Aries moon behavior, right there. But I’m not going to focus on moon signs right now. Let’s get back to the behavior I am the most well-versed at: Capricorn behavior.

So, the sign of Capricorn is also a cardinal sign, a leader, since they are the ones that begin each season. In the Northern Hemisphere, Capricorn season starts right on the winter solstice, and the opposite happens in the South. However, since all the astrology lore comes from the North thanks to the Greeks, Babylonians and more, the seasonal connections are related to the seasons there. As a consequence, Capricorn is the cardinal sign that brings the coldest, darkest season of the year: winter. And incorporating that into Zuko’s character would be incredibly fitting, in my opinion, because of some stuff I’ve read here on Tumblr saying that making him being born during the coldest time of the year would make it a terrible omen for a firebender, worse in this case due to him being born into the royal family, symbols of the power and “supremacy” of the Fire Nation. The fact that he would be born in winter, if we follow this reasoning, would have made him seem as a disappointment to his father ever since birth. 

… or maybe I’m just cruel, guys.

Moreover, I think Zuko embodies many of the Capricorn qualities in the way he carries himself (because no, not all Capricorns are confident managers with the world in our hands) and how hard he has to work to earn everything he gets. A key part of what this sign represents is “the path of hardships the goat has to overcome in order to reach the top of the mountain”, which along with the myth I have described before, could easily be applied to Zuko. It describes values of endurance, hard work, discipline and drive in order to achieve your goals, something that can be seen in Zuko all throughout the series, but changes its focus as the seasons go by. Besides, uhm… have you guys seen “The Day of Black Sun, Part 2”? That is literally the positive outcome of the Capricorn myth made into animation: the confrontation between an abusive father figure and his abused child who has decided to part ways with him in order to become a better person.

On another note, I think it is important to highlight how the Capricorn in Zuko could be seen based on how the rest of the Gaang treats him as well when he changes sides and he’s accepted into the group. How?, you may be wondering: as a father figure, but in a positive way. In many scenes it can be noticed how he naturally takes a position of leadership within the group as well as he takes care of the younger members such as Aang and Toph but, especially in Aang’s case, tries to ground them and teach them. As examples, take the following: Zuko reminding Aang that soon he will have to face the fact that he might have to kill Ozai, him trying to get everyone to train when the comet is about to arrive; how when Aang gets lost, it is him the one people look to in order to lead the group, etc.

Another thing that is well-known in Capricorns is our resilience and perseverance and, honestly: do I even need to explain that? When it comes to the guy who would get his ass beaten again and again and again for one season straight in order to get what he wanted which would also give him the approval of his father, what he craved most? It screams earth sign behavior to me, but with a heavy saturnian influence due to Zuko’s background which, to me, can be quite an interesting reflection of the Saturn/Cronus myth with his children. Said tenacity could also be exacerbated by the willpower and energy brought by the possibility of him having a fire moon, I don’t know, think about it. I stick to that headcanon.

That perseverance can also be seen when it comes to Zuko’s firebending, given how much he’s always trying to improve his skills. Although it could be argued that in reality he’s doing so due to the expectations put on him to be a proficient bender just like his sister in order to be accepted by his father, and his constant training to the point of exhaustion is just a manifestation of that toxic behavior. I am sorry to tell you, but that’s textbook Capricorn behavior, associated with the symbolism of the hardworking goat in general: working the hardest in order to get what you want is always on-brand when it comes to important Capricorn placements, and in my opinion Zuko is no exception.

Final thoughts.

Anyway, what I think would be most relevant is what I mentioned before about the Capricorn archetype and how it could tie in nicely to Zuko’s character arc with him as a representation of Hestia, who could grow out of the abuse she experienced and got a chance not to make her father’s mistakes and break that horrendous cycle she had been a victim of. I would go into this more deeply, but I think it has been enough for now. However, I’ll be back soon with a part two, talking about my water queen Katara. What do you think about this headcanon? Do you agree? If not, why? 

Thanks for coming to my weird-ass TedTalk at 1am. I needed to vent and I haven’t been able to put the computer down since 9pm, I literally only stopped to eat, lol.

See you soon, 

a Capricorn sun.

[wellingtongoose]

Unravelling the Obscurus

Why do some magical children become Obscurials and others don’t?

Why are Harry Potter and Tom Riddle not Obscurials?

Why does Credence survive when most children die from the condition?

The brief explanation Newt gives to Jacob in the first Fantastics Beasts film is that when magical children are persecuted and try to hide their powers, their magic develops into a powerful, negative parasitic entity that eventually kills them.

However if we apply the litmus test of persecution to other characters in Harry Potter, including Harry himself, we are left wondering why there aren’t more Obscurials.  Evidently becoming and Obscurial requires more than just being abused by muggles because of your magic. 

I believe becoming an obscurial requires a triad of genetic predisposition, environmental triggers, and learned psychological responses. Obscurials are rare within the wizarding world because it takes a rare trio of conditions coalescing to create one.

These prerequisite conditions also explain why not all magical children who are abused by muggles for their magical outbursts (Harry Potter and Tom Riddle) turn into obscurials.

This essays explains:

1.      Why Harry Potter and Tom Riddle did not become Obscurials.

2.      Why Credence did become an Obscurial

3.      Why Credence survived, and how he can get rid of the Obscurus

Nature vs Nurture

  From my perspective as doctor, obscurials are clearly children who developed a psychological disorder that also manifests physically in response to trauma. If we treat the obscurus for what it is: a symptoms of an underlying severe psychological disorder, we can finally explain the phenomenon. 

We know from Newt’s brief explanation that Obscurials develop in children and very few survive beyond the age of ten. Newt’s reason for why obscurials occurs is purely environmental, and we know from extensive scientific studies that very few psychiatric disorders especially those that manifest in childhood are purely environmental.

In reality psychological/psychiatric disorders in children often have a significant genetic component, but it takes a specific environmental trigger to bring out the pathos. The contribution of genes to the development of psychiatric disorders can be extremely high, as evidence with studies in identical twins raised apart. Disorders that first appear in early childhood are more likely to have a stronger genetic contribution simply because disorders that have a higher environmental contribution require prolonged exposure to a specific environment.

Therefore, in terms of the obscurial as a psychological disorder, it is likely heavily influenced by the genetic make up of the child. This has nothing to do with race, sex etc, but rather a specific set of genes that together produce the potential to become an obscurial given the right stimulus. The is known as genetic predisposition and occurs in many different disorders both psychiatric and physical. Without these genes the likelihood of developing into an obscurial is very, very low even if all the prerequisite environmental triggers occur.  

This would explain why obscurials are relatively rare despite there being a common thread of abuse toward magical children growing up in non-magical environments.

Having discussed genetic predisposition, I would like to state that genes are not the be all and end all when it comes to causing psychiatric disorders. We must also take in the complexities of the human mind, and how humans psychological cope with severely detrimental environments. The obscurus is not a passive by-product of abuse like a scar but an active response to it. Therefore, the child’s psychological method of coping with abuse is a very important prerequisite to becoming an obscurial.

  Thinkers vs Feelers

  Many people have speculated that its takes severe extreme abuse to create an obscurial. I don’t dispute this, but I do not believe there is a specific type or length of abuse that creates an obscurial. Child abuse is severely damaging in all its different forms. I would not say that what Harry suffered is somehow less horrific than what Credence went through. I find the comparison of various abuse types useless when it comes to explaining why an obscurial develops.

The environmental trigger for an obscurial is childhood abuse leading to trauma likely by people close to them who should have been their protectors/caretakers. However what people fail to realize is that children, and by extension adults, have different methods of coping with abuse, and the different coping strategies dictate which psychiatric disorders they may go onto develop in later life.

The method by which a child deals with abuse and by extension severe negative emotions it brings determines whether they become an obscurial.

All humans learn coping strategies to deal with negative and positive emotions generated by our environment. We all learn to some extent how to control our emotions to our best advantage. This is not a conscious learning curve, but rather something we instinctive develop from the moment we are born.

There are two board methods young infants use to deal with their negative emotions and attract the presence of soothing caregivers. These board methods are refined with time, but the strategy an infant develops has a long-lasting effect on the person’s emotional and psychologic state well into adulthood. I have discussed this psychological theory in more detail in other metas: Loki and Thor a psychoanalysis, The Holmes Brothers, a psychoanalysis.

The broad categories are: Thinkers and Feelers.

Thinkers contain and analyse their emotions. They only express emotions that they feel are best suited to the situation to get attention. Thinkers tend to develop due to caregivers who are consistent in their approach to giving attention.

Feelers express all their emotions, often in exaggerate or amplified ways to get attention. Feelers develop in response to caregivers who are inconsistent in their attentions. Therefore, repeated amplification of emotions is the best way to get the caregivers to arrive promptly when needed.

What I have not previously discussed in other metas is what happens to the psychological coping strategies of infants who never get attention no matter what they do or who get attention only for it to lead to abuse. This is where deep psychopathologies develop.

Human children are mostly helpless for a substantial proportion of their most formative years. Therefore, most of our emotional coping strategies revolve around gaining attention from caregivers. This need for attention and comfort stretches far into adulthood. It may be the foundation for our strong social bonds.

We know from unfortunate data generated in the orphanages of Eastern Europe that when infants never receive the attention they need, their entire emotional development stalls and certain parts of their brains required for processing emotion never fully develop. In effect infants whose coping strategies failed to get any attention at all simply switch off the emotional processing part of their brain. They never learned to control their emotions, but they also stopped generating appropriate emotions. One orphan described his life as black and white, whilst everyone else lived in colour. It gives us a small glimpse into the poor emotional lives these children led. Additionally when nutrition is taken into account, these children are still more physically underdeveloped than they should be, showing that psychological problems often have severe physical manifestations.

However, the nature of the obscurus is a dangerous, active and uncontrolled. The psychological pathos related to it is also active and violent. This does not fit with what happened to Eastern European orphans. Obscurials do not have underdeveloped emotional centres, they are not children who are to some extent numb to the world. Credence does not have a problem generating emotion, he has a problem with control. He is not numb to the world but rather has an insatiable hunger for love and belonging.

Therefore, infants who become obscurials did not suffer from predominantly severe neglect, which is what happened to Harry Potter and Tom Riddle. Harry escaped the most severe consequences of his emotional neglect because he had 15 months of love from his parents to hold onto. This was crucial to his emotional development. Tom Riddle was not so lucky and his pathos is a clear reflection of the orphans of Eastern Europe.

Obscurial children do get attention, just not the right kind of attention.

  A Spiral into Hell

  For infants their entire survival depends on gaining the caregivers attention, but when the ultimate emotional reward - attention, turns into the ultimate generator of negative emotions – abuse, the infant is unable to cope with the spiral of negative emotions. The caregiver is supposed to take away the negative emotions but instead exacerbates the problem.

I believe that Obscurials including Credence developed primarily as Feelers. As infants they learned to amplify all their emotions, all the time, to get attention. As magical outbursts are closely linked to strong emotions, infants who are Feelers would have correspondingly more magical outburst likely at an earlier age compared to Thinkers. When the abuse then starts – likely during early childhood with increasing magical outbursts, the child is unable to understand why its coping strategy is producing cycles of more pain rather comfort.

Having developed the Feelers strategy already, the child is not able to modulate their emotions like Thinkers can. They are not able to contain, analyse and then express appropriate emotions for the situation. Therefore, they cannot suppress their own magic into a dormant state and act like a muggle as Neville Longbottom managed to do as a child. This leads to a cycle of escalating abuse, and then need for attention to heal the negative emotions it generates.

However eventually these Feelers who become Obscurials do manage to suppress their emotions and their magic but not in the psychologically healthy manner of a Thinker. Instead the negative emotions and by extension the magic associated with it is displaced, rather than suppressed or contained. They alienate their own feelings in an attempt to not experience them and therefore not express them. The resulting obscurus is the consequence of this displacement and alienation, a dark extension of the child that ultimately destroys them.

 Adapting to Survive

  How is Credence able to survive beyond childhood?

In the films it is suggested that he may be an extremely powerful wizard. I don’t dispute this, but control of magic is not just about power, it is intrinsically linked one’s control of emotions. Children generally experience far more extreme emotions and changes of emotions compared to adults. As we psychologically mature our emotions do not become less strong, but we have better control of how we experience that emotion and how it affects us. If the obscurus is a physical manifestation of a dysfunctional emotions, then it is likely something that becomes easier to control as one emotionally matures. However, it often causes death before puberty which means that children never get to emotionally develop to a point where it is controllable.

I believe that Credence unlikely that other Obscurial children, successfully learned a new emotional coping strategy early in life that enable him to control his emotions to a certain extent. I am not saying he went to therapy and read some self-help books. Changing one’s emotional coping strategy is very difficult and not entirely conscious act. I believe at various critical points in his life Credence was helped by other people who provided him the much-needed emotional support. They helped to drive his desire to live, give him hope and purpose. More uniquely to Credence I believe he learned from them new emotional coping strategies and subconsciously put this into practice.

Most well-adjusted adults have a mixture of different coping strategies when it comes to emotions. Very few people are purely Feelers or Thinkers beyond childhood. We all exist on a spectrum between these extremes and use of blend of different strategies that we tailor to the environment. However, our original coping strategy is often remains dominant and underscores all other later strategies. Credence was a very dysfunctional Feeler as a young child, but he learned through positive interactions with Thinkers around him how to become a Thinker instead.

Credence has done something very rare for children which is completely switch his emotional coping strategy from one extreme to another. Being a Feeler caused him to become an Obscurial but becoming a Thinker allowed him a measure of control over his emotions and thus his obscurus. The more he pursued the Thinker route, the more control he eventually gained over his obscurus. I believe that Credence developed this strategy early on in childhood, which is a remarkable feat, and therefore the obscurus never came close to being lethal.

When we meet him, Credence is the typical dysfunctional Thinker: a person who controls all emotional expression only displays the correct emotions for the situation. This is his survival strategy and though it is not psychologically healthy, it keeps him alive.

I would not be able to hazard a guess as to who or what prompted him to become a thinker. It might have been his younger siblings and their emotional support for him. It might have been a specific adult who helped him through a very difficult time.

There is no doubt that acts of kindness and love, sustained Credence through his horrific childhood. He does not shy away from love, he actively seeks it even in people who are looking to exploit him. This is not a person who has given up on the world, but someone who desperately wants to live and be loved. People like Tina and Newt are going to be the key to his salvation and may finally help him psychological heal. Once he does, I wonder if the Obscurus will simply cease to exist.

[ganymedesclock]

there's a post somewhere about how ganondorf's death is often presented almost as a holy death, deeply dignified and with appropriate silence. i think the term the person used was like a kind of anti-martyrdom, like. "a holy death, but not of something good". i'm not sure if i'm using the terminology entirely correctly, but that's something that's always hit me. like. i don't think that comes from just the general seriousness of the plot, but also that there's a quiet acknowledgement that fate

itself was against him - and the inherent tragedy of that. like. they're So Close to digging just a little further and questioning that concept of fate + supposedly inherent character weakness in the first place. this is present in oot - zelda acknowledges him as pitiful, someone who couldn't control the triforce. and in tp, zelda seems to do something like a quiet prayer. this aspect of zelda herself isn't present in wind waker (iirc), but is embodied by the king, who directly compares himself.

That’s a concept that a friend of mine talks about a lot ( @betterbemeta ) in almost those exact words but I asked her and she said she wasn’t sure of the specific post, just that she didn’t get it from someone else.

But, yeah, I feel like... there’s this interesting sort of counter-narrative within the Zelda series, I think? There’s the main narrative, which is the Legend and the Cycle and that it is Correct to perpetuate the Cycle and live out the roles people are given.

But there’s also a lot of counterpoints, of things making it clear that the Cycle is hurting people, that you will not be rewarded or kept safe for perpetuating it- and in Wind Waker this is very interesting, because, a lot of the evidence points to Ganon’s stance- “Your gods abandoned you!” being correct. 

Hyrule was destroyed. Most of its people were killed. Two young people who were active servants of the god at the time were murdered and nothing protected them. Ganon comes across as someone who’d know- because he’s acting as the Divine Opponent, here.

And there’s this scene, late in Wind Waker, where he reads Tetra’s dreams with his power.

This scene sticks with me, because it’s Ganon doing something unnecessary. He’s got no reason to treat Tetra hospitably at this point. He’s got no reason to tuck her into a bed, which he does, or acknowledge that she’s a child, or wonder who she is besides Zelda. 

And, yet, we have this. unexpectedly introspective soft scene, and while it’s followed by the puppet Ganon fight, the things he says there don’t seem just like villainous trash talk, but, nearly a plea for these kids to realize how messed up their situation is. They’re allegedly agents of the gods who are being chewed up by their Fates, used and cast aside, and while he has an agenda in not wanting this to happen (as their given Fate is to be parties in his execution) there’s a bleak humor Wind Waker Ganon has about the situation that, to me, has never actually been contradicted within the Zelda games. Words to the contrary ring hollow. In practice, we watch Hyrule desolated, we watch its executioners throw him on vulnerable populations (in Twilight Princess, the Sages know enough of the modern Twili to recognize Midna in her cursed form- so they had to have known the people they were leaving at the mercy of a wounded, panicked Ganon who was nonetheless fully capable of killing a person with his bare hands at that point).

In Breath of the Wild, which doesn’t even depict Ganon as a person who can argue his point (though the sequel may shed new light on that), he still nonetheless seems correct about the nature of the cycle; Zelda is unabashedly a survivor of child abuse who was forced to pray in sacred springs starting at age seven. 

BotW is basically the series’ most detailed thesis yet that the Cycle broke Link and Zelda and tore pieces from them they’re not getting back. Both of them lost a century. Zelda’s passions and interests were sublimated to force her into a passive role. People they knew and were close to died. Link’s habitual silence is depicted as a product of the anxiety that the hero role pressed on him, and he was also a human shield just to guarantee that of the Champions, Zelda at least could make it, that left him critically injured.

The only real coherent defense raised by the Cycle- which is meta-wise, “justified” by Skyward Sword, which establishes it as an unholy curse- is “this is the only way to save Hyrule” which is never challenged or argued or defended. It’s merely accepted. And we keep watching young, vulnerable kids following the paths laid out by their predecessors and being torn apart by these events.

Link and Zelda don’t look like people who are protected by benevolent gods that shine over them. Repeatedly, the deities of the Zelda setting are depicted as not especially loving. In A Link To The Past, the Triforce itself says it doesn’t care about good or evil, merely that Link has proven his worth and should now make a wish. Other characters in the setting describe it as fickle or a troublemaker. In Skyward Sword, Zelda, regaining Hylia’s memories and thus the clearest potential insight into how Hylia was thinking and feeling, states that Hylia obtained a mortal incarnation basically as bait for Link, who would be driven by compassion to protect his friend, and thus get functionally conned into acting as Hylia’s champion.

I think this is why fanworks that put the chosen three on the same side make sense, because, in this way, Ganon is more a contemporary to the heroes than the King of Hyrule, who, no matter how often he dies, never really has that sense of being a martyred hero who’s lost fragments of himself. Daphnes was able to choose his own death, and the death of his kingdom, on his own terms using the Wind Waker and then the Triforce; Rhoam controls the narrative at the beginning of BotW.

Ganon?

Just from what we know about BotW’s sequel (which is not much at all) Ganon is having a bad time. In a way, his fate seems to combine elements of Link and Zelda’s- he was confined for a long time in a death match with another force (Zelda), and he was heavily and brutally injured and may have lost consciousness (Link) only to awaken in an unfamiliar future where he’s been all but forgotten (both of them).

And part of this is the need that the games seem to have, to have everything be Ganon’s fault, but to never acknowledge or explore the relationships Ganon actually, has with the various entities he ostensibly commands. I love Wind Waker, but, as friends of mine have pointed out- there’s only flimsy excuses at best for Ganon to put the various boss monsters in the environments they’re found in. They’re themed to their environments so that they seem fitting elements, rather than something foreign placed there that’s disrupted an extant order.

It leads to this sense of Ganon more as a pariah than as a true Source Of Evil. Because he’s blamed for everything, including things that don’t actually seem to further any of his stated objectives and in fact, might even work against something he is stated to want (e.g. the withering of the Deku Sprouts in Wind Waker, which are stated to be a potential way to drain the Great Sea and leave the Land Below accessible once again- the big thing Ganon wants- but they’re stated to fail because of Ganon’s magic; or him outright saying he wants the sun to shine on Hyrule when earlier in the game Daphnes accuses him of cursing the entire sea into a state of darkness because he wants everything to be dark)

Ganon’s not blameless and harmless- like. he absolutely did shit and is rarely sorry for it or sorry but not enough to stop- but, it definitely feels like his role as Hyrule’s Enemy is a degree outside of his control, much as the Hero or Princess roles are out of Link and Zelda’s. This is a game series about people being forced into roles that cause them to suffer, and then the end takeaway is I guess It Was Worth It because the Bad Man Died.

It��s this situation where the narrative tells us we are dealing with a demon man who hates everything and the only holiness or justice can come from his death, and then at the same time we’re shown a guy who is a power-hungry jerk with a large list of offscreen and frankly mystifying crimes that don’t seem to add up with anything he seems to want or value or even his sense of humor. And it ends up leaving the whole Cycle... feeling rather bleak.

[manifestationtips4you]

5 Simple Ways to Change Your Life With The Law Of Attraction (Learn This)

Johanna, a college student from Kuala Lumpur, had been struggling to finish her studies.

She was living in a dorm with other students and had trouble making ends meet.

Johanna was on a scholarship which meant she needed to keep her grades high while working part-time to support her living expenses.

Strapped for time and resources, she barely got by and started feeling burnt out. If Johanna wasn't hitting the books, she was working.

Everything started to become a blur and she was losing motivation to keep going.

It got so bad that Johanna even thought about telling her parents she couldn't do it anymore and drop out of college.

But then a classmate from her philosophy class introduced her to the Law of Attraction.

Jacques, a foreign exchange student from Canada, had been reading up on it and applied it in his own life.

According to him, it had helped him manifest a solution to his own problems.

He had lived in an abusive home growing up, and Jacques learned how to shift his thinking and perspective to change his circumstances.

Johanna wasn't sure at first what to make of it, but she took Jacques's word for it and started applying its principles in her own life.

Click Here To Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For <= [Link this text via your affiliate link]

After she made a shift in her own mindset and attitude, Johanna started to experience some positive changes.

She eventually quit her part-time job and found another one with better pay and hours which helped with her living expenses.

It also helped free up her time, so she managed to study AND start a side income project selling items online.

Johanna ended up growing her side business so much that she got Jacques to help her manage it.

By the end of the academic year, she had turned into a completely different person.

Johanna was no longer a depressed, burned-out student from before. She had become a self-sufficient student and even made the dean's list!

The Power of Changing Your Focus

Sometimes, we get so discouraged that we feel powerless to change our situation.

Like Johanna, we fall into a FIXED mindset where we think things will stay the same and we can't do anything about it.

But the only way to break out of this negative spiral is by changing your INNER world.

This is the key to influencing your external world so you can move forward in life.

In a nutshell, the Law of Attraction is a way of living that requires you to change your frequency.

When you do this, the Universe will pick up your signal and your life will change for the better.

As for the frequency I mentioned, this is basically the vibration of energy that your mind gives off.

You can either operate at a high or low vibration, and each type will give you a specific result.

Most people don't realize they're giving off low-frequency energy, which is actually making their situation worse. Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For - CLICK HERE

The main problem is when you attach your emotions to your external circumstances.

For instance, it's easy to feel bad when you're broke. And naturally, it's just as easy feel the opposite if you had money in the bank.

Similarly, seeing other people in a happy, romantic relationship will make you bitter and angry if you're single.

And so on…

I'm not saying it's wrong to feel bad about things like that. However, you shouldn't use your circumstances (and how you FEEL about them) as an excuse to STOP trying.

People fail to realize that NOT doing anything about their situation will only make them feel WORSE. And this further traps them in a vicious cycle of negativity and inaction.

Thus, the Law of Attraction will help you install a more positive attitude in your consciousness.

This keeps your mind from being overrun by negativity - and more importantly, give you the leverage to BREAK FREE from your situation.

With some practice, your thoughts and actions will effortlessly work together to attract positive circumstances in your life.

But where should you start? Here are some ways to put the Law of Attraction into action and start creating massive changes:

#1: Share Your Gifts to the World

The Bible talks about the power of giving, and how it outweighs the benefits of getting.

But no matter what your faith or beliefs are, it helps to think of generosity on a LARGER SCALE.

Giving is more than just a virtue - it's a type of cosmic currency.

When you perform acts of kindness or share your resources for no other reason than WANTING TO, you're putting this currency into circulation.

And soon enough, this positive energy you send into the world - and the Universe as a whole - will find its way back to you.

You won't get it in the same form, but it will come around, one way or another.

I know that sometimes, giving feels like the LAST thing you want to do - especially when your own life is lacking in some capacity.

Why bother extending yourself when you've got enough to worry about for yourself?

But that's exactly the point.

Giving - even when you THINK you can't - will prove that this is a FALSE perception.

Let your acts of generosity serve as a reminder to everyone that in spite of everything, life IS and will ALWAYS be abundant.

Trust in the infinite energy of the Universe and tune into its unique frequency.

Your selflessness is the key to that. A generous attitude raises the quality of the vibrations you send out into the world.

Escaping the scarcity mindset and the fear of not having enough is one of the most liberating things you can do.

By doing so, you're FREE to improve the lives of others - and yours in the process.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

#2: Stop hanging out with losers

I don't mean to sound judgmental, but there are people in your life that will try to drag you down, whether they're aware of it or not.

You should avoid them at all costs.

People in a bad situation will try to feel better about themselves by spreading their toxic way of thinking to others.

They pull others down with their hurtful words, or convince them that they're not good enough.

Instead of doing something about their own situation, it's easier to go down this dark path and take everyone else with them.

And the Law of Attraction states that when you focus on something, the Universe will feed you more of the SAME.

So the good news is that you can choose to avoid this downward spiral and get on another path instead.

This is why you need to be careful about the company you keep. Choose the people that can share their constructive energy with you.

If their attitude, mindset and words lift you up, you know you're in the right place.

Their energy is contagious, and you'll naturally raise your own frequency and attract only good things in your life.

As for toxic people, I know there are times when you simply can't avoid them.

They could be family, friends, or co-workers - and you might be even living with some of them.

It's a challenge for sure, but do your best not to let their negative energy get to you.

You don't have to butt heads with them and simply respond with positivity.

If you're in a conversation with them, try to frame it in a healthy, positive way so you don't get sucked into their toxic field of gravity.

You don't have to change their mind; just take the “agree to disagree” route and leave it at that.

Who knows, your own energy might “rub off” on their consciousness. They might even think about what you told them and re-evaluate their own perspective.

#3: Get out from under the grind

We all have our lives to lead, and that means falling into a routine.

Now, don't get me wrong - having structure in your life is important and even necessary.

At a basic level, we need it to function on a daily basis. Incorporating helpful habits into your everyday routine is a GOOD thing.

However, there is a danger in being TOO embedded in it and shutting yourself off to trying NEW things.

Sticking too closely to your routine could make you afraid of the unfamiliar and uncomfortable - and hinder your GROWTH in the process.

So if you want to attract new and exciting things into your life, you should carve out some room for that.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

Doing things that help you grow ALWAYS has a place in a well-balanced life. A stable, healthy routine is the best way to avoid a soul-crushing existence.

What are the things that inspire you?

Outside of your usual chores and duties, what gives you a sense of fulfillment - even if it doesn't pay the bills?

People usually shoot down any desire for this because they're afraid they “don't have enough time.”

But you'll see just how flimsy that excuse is once you actually take the plunge and spend that time you didn't think you had.

In as little as half an hour, you could engage in a fulfilling pursuit. Find (or rekindle) a hobby, take up an online course or watch free videos.

Let it energize your senses, inspire you to greatness and empower you to create something wonderful in this world.

More than that, you can acquire knowledge to advance you in some way, like learning a skill, for example.

I recently came across a post on Twitter that made me smile.

It said: “There's too much free information online for y'all not be crushin it in whatever field.”

Use your precious time to invest in a better you and express yourself through your passions.

Don't worry about the “if”s and “how”s. Just get started with something now, and the rest of your life will adjust to it.

You won't know what new avenues will open up UNTIL you get the ball rolling,

#4: Quiet your mind

Meditation is one habit that goes very well with practicing the Law of Attraction.

When you learn how to control your thoughts (instead of the other way around), you're in the best position to manifest the things you want.

A lot of people find it challenging to keep their thoughts above water when they're flooded with negative emotions.

With meditation, you can take a step back and remove yourself from a situation in a healthy way.

There are books, free content online and mobile apps that can help you with this.

For instance, I just tried out the Insight app on my phone which is kind of like the YouTube equivalent for meditation.

Learn How To Use Destiny Tuning To Manifest The Life You Want - CLICK HERE

You can search by a specific person or channel, or even topics like easing anxiety, anger management, and so on.

This is a low-maintenance habit which will only take about 10-15 minutes daily. You could even spend five minutes if you're really strapped for time!

This basically works by sitting down on the floor (or a chair) and closing your eyes.

The idea is to take slow, measured breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations you're feeling at the moment.

Are your muscles tense? Is your heart beating quickly from the stress you're currently experiencing?

These are some of the things to be mindful of as you breathe in and out. If any other thoughts enter your mind, don't resist it.

Don't chase after them and just let it pass. Then you can go back to focusing on the rhythm of your breath.

Take this time to focus on the feelings of love, health, success and prosperity.

In other words, the things you want to ATTRACT.

Concentrate your attention on inhaling and exhaling. Once you've calmed your mind enough, you're ready to visualize the things you want to manifest in life.

This will have a powerful effect on your subconscious and put you on the path towards your goals.

And that brings us to the last life-changing habit…

#5: Affirmations

Muhammad Ali, one of the greatest boxers in history, was known for saying, “What you're thinking is what you're becoming.”

Indeed.

That attitude helped him become what he was, and it will serve you well, too.

Most of the time, people don't pay attention to the kind of thoughts they hold in their heads.

Left unchecked, they often feed into a toxic narrative they have about themselves without realizing it.

Like I said earlier, what you put in your subconscious affects you.

The things you tell yourself are like seeds you plant in your mind and they'll grow over time. Those same thoughts will express themselves in your actions and the choices you make.

So, you need to be careful which seeds you plant.

Joseph Murphy, author of the book, “The Power of the Subconscious Mind”, tells us that this part of your mind can't distinguish which thoughts are real or imagined.

As far as it's concerned, your subconscious will treat it as FACT whether it's happening in the physical world or NOT.

Thus, people don't just operate on these subconscious beliefs. Without being aware of it, they're turning their thoughts into reality.

And it WILL happen - one way or another.

The perception you have about yourself is largely influenced by the people you had around while growing up.

Their input - whether good or bad - left a mark on your subconscious that's hard to shake off.

And this programming kicks in whenever you make decisions and it dictates how you respond to tough times.

This inner dialogue can act as your inner voice of confidence and self-assurance…

…or as in most people's cases, it's the voice of fear and self-doubt.

You might think you're not good enough or smart enough because you couldn't stop the bad things from happening.

You curse yourself for messing things up, then blame it on some pre-assigned character defect.

Usually, it's in the form of labels like “Loser”, “Hopeless Case”, “Slacker”, “Weirdo” and so on.

But remember, these labels only have as much power over as you ALLOW it.

You can apply the Law of Attraction to change this inner chatter and rewire your mind for success instead.

It's impossible to attract wealth, abundance and happiness if you're focused on putting yourself down.

Learn How to Force the Universe to Manifest Your Dream Life - CLICK HERE

You can do the opposite by using encouraging statements that will empower you to take action.

Here are some examples to try during your meditation sessions:

Affirmations that span across time: Think about what's already happened, what's happening now, and what's yet to come. Then put it all together like this: “BEFORE, I was broke, miserable and hated the world. But I know better NOW and want to turn it around. Things are about to change, and SOON I'll be prosperous, happy and living my dream life.”

Affirmations that are crystal clear: Saying something like “I am loved” or “I am blessed” is a good start, but they're a bit vague. Try elaborating on these ideas and flesh them out even more. Then you'll end up with a statement like “I'm surrounded by people who love and support me. They help me grow as a person and want to see me succeed.” As for being blessed, you can say “I'm blessed with infinite opportunities and resources, and my life is full and abundant.”

Affirmations with an attitude: Another way to supercharge your subconscious is by being a little cheeky with your statements. When that voice of fear and insecurity kicks in, drown out the noise with, “Whatever, I'm amazing at everything I do. I fight like hell and do my best, and I can't hear what you're saying!” Adding some lighthearted humor amplifies your signal and makes it easier for the Universe to hear your thoughts. Try this the next time you're feeling especially down on yourself.

When you improve the quality of your thoughts, it's as if your circumstances will rearrange itself on their own.

These changes will seem to happen without doing much on your part. But the truth is that you're already doing the heavy lifting by disciplining your mind.

Starting today, you can apply these five tips I've just shared with you to create ripples of change in your life.

The more you practice them, the bigger waves will result from your efforts. I hope you make use of this knowledge and empower yourself for greatness.

Before I go, there's ONE MORE gift I'd like to share with you…

It's called the Manifestation Breakthrough Kit, and for a limited time I'm offering it totally FREE of charge.

You can combine this kit with the five tips you just learned to get even BETTER results.

learn how to FORCE the Universe to give you everything you've ever wanted…and MORE! - CLICK HERE

[kryetara]

IRA J. DUNHAM                HEROIN.

following  on  from    my first post regarding ira and vices (link),  the time has come for me to dive into his addiction to the class a drug    heroin.  clearly a difficult subject matter,  so drug abuse content warnings apply going forward,  including also issues of sexuality and mental health.

0 1 .    BEGINNING.       right from his initial formative years, it’s clear that ira is the sort of person that struggles with confidence and self-image.  something that is,  generally speaking,  natural to his personality,  but partially driven into him by a childhood that was less than exceptional ;  first and foremostly,  his distaste for self coming largely from a difficult relationship with an emotionally unavailable father figure.  andrew duhnam is a quiet man that says very little,  rarely showing emotion and finding it extremely difficult even to appease his wife and daughter,  let alone a son he finds it impossible to communicate with ;  his own lack of confidence as a husband and father finding it’s way to infecting ira all the same with his own manifestations of it,  teaching him over time to bottle things up as oppose to letting them out,  to keep a tight lid on your emotions and don’t let them spew.  his mother siobhan’s firm bond with her daughter samantha,  the eldest of the two and the most favourable in and outside of school,  causes her unrest when attempting to figure out her son due to her need to compare them ;  especially amplified by andrew’s near non-existence in the family.  as ira grows and discovers in his teenage years that he has an attraction to men,  he is further driven into himself like a hermit crab  ----  too embarrassed even before at the prospect of being a poor son,  now doubly so at the idea of him being even more a deviation to their normal.  a typical middle-to-lower-class family in northern english suburbs in the 90s,  this was just after the conservative government under prime minister margaret thatcher passed section 28 of the local government act ;  banning local authorities from ‘promoting homosexuality’ and prohibiting the funding of educational materials and subjects that were perceived to support it    ----   meaning students like ira couldn’t discuss their changing feelings and wouldn’t receive any help understanding it.

0 2 .   THE NEED FOR DISTANCE.      having made it to an age where he could consider leaving home for university,  a family life that had now become one of almost total avoidance of each other ;  andrew spent more evenings holed up in the working men’s club than he did even looking in his son’s direction ;  ira felt an impending frustration to escape,  and to put up walls between himself and his difficult life at home,  additionally in the midst of his parents bordering on divorce.  having not divulged his attraction to men to anyone beside one of his friends,  of who rejected his attempt at an advance,  ira decided he would disappear to a university three hours down to the south of england in the bustling expanse that is london city   ------   wishing he could study history,  but at the bequest of his mother  ( pleased, at-least, that he was going to study ),  studying law and finance.  the transition from being trapped by absent authorities in his household,  to being met with such consuming freedom,  was overwhelming for him to say the least,  and ira spent a long time hiding most often in his room in the standard student accommodation ;  but as he began to make friends on his course and in his lodgings,  with this came the inevitable hedonism of teenage life.  exclusive to ira however was a need to match his peers and to yet go even further,  perhaps driven by his feelings of frustration for being locked so tightly in his shell,  labelling ira to become something of an ‘enabler’ ;  constantly pushing others to keep drinking more,  and,  eventually,  taking more,  even beyond the point of it being bad for their well-being  ( a total self projection  ---  if he saw someone drinking or taking excessive amounts of substances,  he felt it was suitable for him to do it too ).  ira’s relationship with drugs begins with smoking weed,  but his fascination for people involved in drug dealings opened him to a very different world than what he was used to.  to spite his sheltered life,  and in need of something that cut out the constant feeling of inadequacy,  ira adopted a ‘try anything’ motto ;  that no drug could escape his use,  even if it was just once.  in all actuality,  ira ended up doing just weed,  mdma,  lsd,  and on various occasions cocaine.  but it was a brush one night,  accompanying a friend to somewhere he didn’t know for a party,  that people were injecting themselves there ;  and from what he could see,  the results were quite enviable.  this drug is heroin.  the year,  at this time,  is 2008.

0 3 .    DISGUISING REALITY.        heroin,  also known as smack,  skag,  and gear  ( most common nicknames ira has used for it in the past,  though not the only ones,  as he liked to refer to it often as his ‘girlfriend’ ),  is a drug usually in white-brown to brown powder form,  that is made from morphine,  and extracted from opium poppies.  the unrivalled intensity of it’s effects were for ira an immediate success in his efforts to remove himself from life around him ;  to cut out those feelings of self-distaste.  the euphoria it presented him with was unparalleled,  unmatched by any other drug,  any drink,  any feeling ;  to not enhance reality around him or to distort it,  but to simply make him uncaring of it ;   it was always going to be a recipe for disaster.  ira began by smoking it,  inhaling the fumes when burnt on foil,  but soon was introduced to injecting it,  of which the hit is much faster and more intense.  initially cautious and denying injecting heroin at first,  but warming to the prospect over time,  as friends he made that also enjoyed the drug demonstrated it’s tidal wave effects.  when he took heroin,  he found that his anxieties and pains in life were numbed so effectively,  that by the time he came around,  he’d enjoyed life far too much a few hours before,  when these feelings melted into nothing.  it was immediately apparent to ira that life with those thoughts cut out was a much more preferable existence.  heroin’s addictive quality is also simultaneously it’s most destructive,  and it is the feeling of numbness that ira craves the most deeply ;  that illustrious mind wipe,  that ocean of dopamine. so thus a chase is born,  and ira spends the next 6 years of his life on and off this extremely dangerous drug.  it’s likely also that ira becomes so quickly hooked on it as a result of his peers about him using it,  and his need to blend into the background and ‘fit in’ amongst others,  to be unnoticeable,  also fuelled his first few uses of it,  and the beginning of injecting it ;  the drug however eventually demonstrating to him that his life wasn’t just bearable,  but enjoyable,  when using it.

0 4 .     DRUGS OR ME.      ira first attends a rehabilitation clinic,  of which was nhs funded,  at age 24 in 2010,  not too long after leaving university.  this is persuaded of him by his older sister,  of who discovered ira’s intravenous drug use after coming to visit him one day out the blue.  he remains in rehab for the space of a month,  able to kick the withdrawal cycle,  but this pattern doesn’t stick,  and ira would then revisit rehab innumerable times from this point forward.  this being the first year that ira’s family find out about his drug abuse,  sam and his mother siobhan attempt to try and help him as best they can,  offering him a place in their homes,  but most instances such as this are declined,  likely as a result of ira’s shame for his actions,  and for lying about passing his second two years in university.  his father andrew still remains passive and largely uncontactable,  again,  much to siobhan’s downfall,  and this burden then appears to lie most heavily with sam ;  perhaps maternally,  wishing in some way to protect her younger brother.  ira,  however,  still struggling to admit that he feels unconnected to his family and feels as though he doesn’t belong with them,  allows this to underline his actions,  and more often than not ignores them,  leaves texts unanswered,  dodges phonecalls,  unwilling to try.  this allows the void between them to grow,  and in the space where his absence lives,  the anxiety and pain felt by his mother and sister spreads like a vine ;  frustration on all ends ;  ira,  for his guilt and his displacement,  sam for her inability to help and for ira’s self-imposed distance,  and siobhan for her helplessness and pain for her son’s addiction.  as time progresses and ira found his supply of money wearing thin,  he would often pick up communications again,  largely with his mother ;  asking for some pennies here,  some pounds there ;  always with different stories.  siobhan,  though aware of where her money was likely going,  found it impossible to say no to him,  happy enough he was speaking to her and that she could hear his voice,  and sent it over without question ;  though the moment sam found out,  this,  to the largest extent,  stopped.  relations began to deteriorate even further as ira and sam would often have heated arguments over the phone,  and it was clear that life was soon to reach a crescendo.  this came in the form of ira visiting for a weekend,  and stealing things of value from sam’s home,  with the intent to sell them or trade them for drugs.  once this act was discovered,  and sam accused him,  she cut him out of her life completely,  and firmly advised siobhan to do the same.  this happens in 2013.  as it stands ira has still not spoken to sam since this point,  of which up to now has been 7 years.

0 5 .     THE RAT RACE.      addiction,  no matter what to,  is difficult to kick.  in the present day ira has been clean and sober for an impressive 5 years ;  but the thoughts are often still the same,  the reflexes are still the same,  that gut feeling,  that need,  still lingering on.  (  he’s simply gotten better at ignoring it.  )  in ira’s house on a pine bookshelf by his tv is a small wooden box full of the chips he managed to keep from rehab,  small tokens that he found himself unable to dispose of,  a trophy of sorts.  but just the same,  tucked under his bed,  is an old star wars lunchbox that he picked up at a charity shop,  of which contains a spoon,  cotton,  a lighter,  foil,  an old leather belt,  and a tin case with various needles.  sometimes taken out,  sometimes simply looked at,  unopened  ----  sometimes taken apart with waning intent,  then put together and away again.  ira manages to keep a lid on himself for enough time to last him until the deal is made with kel mehmeti,  and now suddenly entrenched in a world themed by the very thing he has spent such time trying to avoid ;  there may well be a 6th chapter to this meta soon.

[piamii]

JP joker / KS sangwoo

hi, this is my word vomit about the comparison between joaquin phoenix joker and killing stalking sangwoo because i adore both characters. they’re similar in a lot of ways but also different. similarities: -both victims of physical abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect by their families -both abused by their mothers -both exhibit what would arguably be considered “psychopathic traits” (symtpoms of Anti-Social Personality Disorder). i haven’t looked into the DSM criteria for ASPD for awhile and i’m also not really interested in trying to diagnose these two nor do i specialize in personality disorders. even so, i want to distinguish between having ASPD and exhibiting the violent traits commonly associated with ASPD in the media. there are many nuances to this distinction. if we conceptualize ASPD as a neurological inability to experience empathy, we can distinguish the receptive, passive aspects (e.g., not understanding others’ distress, not feeling the need to comfort, etc) from the “active,” more “conduct” aspects (e.g., killing animals, physically hurting sentient beings just to see what it’s like, etc). in that sense, it’s much different to simply not have empathy than to act in ways that significantly hurt others because of it. it’s indeed common for those who don’t have empathy to hurt others, but the degree to which ASPD individuals hurt others is not fixed. tl;dr not everyone with ASPD is a serial killer. so Arthur’s and Sangwoo’s development into people who callously kill others is a journey that is ripe for debate and learning in regards to the topic of the nature of ASPD. -an idiosyncratic aspect: i fell in love with the storytelling and richness of background history of both characters but i didn’t particularly LIKE either of them as a person. -both of the stories don’t address how either character got to the current stage of their life (did arthur just drift until he found his clown job? did sangwoo finish school and then live alone at his house - where did he get money to sustain himself? inheritances?). obvioiusly these details arent’ vital to the plot, but i was actively curious about them  -i believe that for these two characters, severe discrete AND developmental trauma events formed the basis on which these characters developed maladaptively. i felt very deeply connected to both stories because i viewed both series from a developmental trauma perspective, which is an area that i think about and work with on a daily basis. -work-related soapbox: it breaks my heart when kids don’t have a flying chance in hell to live a decent life from a young age and furthermore have very little chance to foster and find the type of interactions that would bring slow and gradual healing to their lives. it’s a vicious cycle that feeds into itself - the more violent and fucked up shit that happens to you, the more violent and fucked up shit you do. the more violent and fucked up you get, the less you get chances to have prosocial interactions because your actions make people not want to treat you well. and as a result, you live in a world where it doesn’t seem like genuine and positive human interactions can possibly ever occur, because they have not ever, for you.  -it’s not enough for us to just UNDERSTAND arthur or sangwoo - could we have helped them enough? helpers are only human as well in that we can only crawl inside so much pain and must maintain the right emotional boundaries in order to survive and keep doing what we do. -hypothetically speaking, we could have ALWAYS helped more. that’s not the point. the point is, the way we are as a society and as individuals, would we have been able to help enough? and what is enough - no killings? (i live in the US, so i guess i’m speaking from US society perspective). the saddest part of these series is that i don’t know the answer to my own question.

differences: -sangwoo appeared to be socially functioning at a  much higher level of than arthur. social: arthur didn’t seem to pick up on many social nuances or display strong social skills other than his bright and receptive demeanor.  - it was unclear why that was: was he never exposed to appropriate social interactions in his developmentally sensitive periods? it’s possible that with a mother with Severe and Persistent Mental Illness (SPMI) that school attendance/engagement wasn’t particularly a priority, which would have significantly reduced his social exposure. his mother does not seem like she would have facilitated healthy peer interactions anyways if he did attend school. this is complete conjecture. (this could have been the case for Sangwoo too, making my point moot) -Sangwoo’s mom definitely had some issues, but we aren’t sure what they are, while we at least know that Arthur’s mom received diagnoses by the forensic system (Schizophrenia and Narcissistic PD, if I remember correctly). as a person who works in the field, i don’t take diagnoses at face value without further consultation/records/personal assessment, especially Personality Disorders. but i’m inclined to believe that Arthur’s mom was psychotic- there’s likely going to be less diagnostic ambiguity/differentials to consider when someone is experiencing psychosis. -unlike sangwoo, we got to see how arthur became joker; in contrast, we saw how sangwoo’s shitstorm, significant turning points of the in between, and the psychopathic result - we never got to WATCH the moments of internal shift for sangwoo (think refrigerator scene, bathroom dancing scene, getting fired from his job, finding out that his coworker fucked him over). - which begs the question: WERE there discrete points of internal shift for sangwoo? the even bigger question - are there always/usually discrete points of internal shift for serial killers? put in another way, if they had gotten help earlier, would they have killed people? i think we can make educated guesses in both cases that if they had come from loving and attentive families that they likely wouldn’t have become serial killers - we see clear links between their traumas and their violent behavior, even if it’s not completely clear why. but HOW much earlier? -furthermore, i think arthur’s lack of social skills fed into how his transformation played out (vs sangwoo). this view will become clear as i rant more but just hold on we’re going home - i felt angry at society for letting down Arthur, while i only felt a pervasive sense of sadness towards Sangwoo’s mom for letting down Sangwoo. i say this because this guided my very different reactions to these two characters when they started killing people -we don’t know when sangwoo started acting with Callous-Unemotional (CU) traits, but we DO know when arthur did. there were many turning points throughout the movie, some small and some big. the first big one that immediately comes into my head is the subway shooting and subsequent bathroom dance.  Lol fuck im tired but i m not done yet. WIP

[joie-university-rp]

Dear DANTE NOIRE,

It is with great pleasure we invite you admission to Joie University! Welcome to the Thunderclap family!

-

Congratulations, JUSTIN! Please be sure to check the New Members’ Checklist and send in your character’s account within 24 hours from now. We cannot wait to see all that you will bring to this roleplay! We love you already!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias; pronouns: Justin, he/him

Age, Timezone: 20, MST

Activity, short explanation: 3-4 hours a day, after work.

Ships: Dante/Kurt since I am filling the connection. Dante/anyone.

Anti-Ships: Nothing.

Triggers: None for me.

Preferred photo for Character’s ID (please give a link): https://media.gq-magazine.co.uk/photos/5d138d392881cc034d0a7267/master/w_1280,c_limit/Adam-Driver-04-GQ-12Dec17_Dante-Brookes_b.jpg

Anything else: I’m filling this connection. https://joie-university-rp.tumblr.com/post/189809373804/requested-connection-for-kurt-hummel-suggested

IC INFORMATION:

Full Name (First, Middle, Last): Dante Matthew Noire

FC: Adam Driver

Age/Year at University (Freshman [1st Year], Sophomore, Junior, Senior, or Graduate Student): 24 years old, freshman/first year

Birth date (MONTH DAY, YEAR): August 13th, 1995

Hometown (please be sure to check the hometowns listed for characters your muse is related to!): Los Angeles, California

Gender/Pronouns: Male, he/him.

Sexuality: Pansexual

Major(s): Philosophy

Minor(s) [optional]: Songwriting/Music

Housing request (remember, only the president of a Greek Organization is required to live at a Greek House to be in it!): Schuester Dormitory Single Dorm 205

Extracurriculars (Click here for the list. Be sure to specify any executive board positions [i.e. president, secretary, etc.] If something isn’t listed, please put it here and we will add it to the masterlist!):  Glee Club Member, Fencing Team Member

Greek Life Affiliation [optional] (Please be sure to specify any executive board positions [i.e. president, pledge educator, etc.] or if your character is not yet a member, but plans to rush): None.

CHARACTER PROFILE (TW; Alcohol abuse, suicidal tendencies):

Dante was born into a relatively normal upper-class family. His parents were a very successful pair, his mother a lawyer and his father a banking executive. He lived in peaceful comfort, went the best private schools for teaching, yet when it came time for him to start building towards a career path, he couldn’t seem to pick one. He was a joy in the classroom and had a knack for tutoring other students that struggled as well. Alas, he didn’t want to be a teacher like his mother recommended, or a social worker like his father suggested. He found his true home in the music room. His parents had him learn piano and other various instruments, including vocal lessons, much to their detriment. When it came to his senior year of high school with not a single college application submitted, Dante came clean to his parents; he wanted to be a musician.

He moved away from L.A. when his family rejected his selected career path, especially after they cut him off from his allowance. When he got to New York, he was dead-broke, but found a job quickly as a jazz -ballad singer and pianist at a couple bars around the city. He sang in parks and street corners, releasing self-written songs online, hoping one day he would get noticed. It wasn’t until he actually took a piece of his father’s advice that he started to gain fame; “Dress as if you already have the job when you go in for the interview.” So, Dante gave himself the new look, dressing like the jazzy, big band singers and performers of old, promoting his image as well as his music.

Dante’s relationship with Kurt ran along with his quest to fame. He met Kurt during one of his nights working at an underage-friendly jazz bar near NYADA’s campus. Due to his talents, the students that came in would tip him well. It was in September of 2016, one year into Dante’s tenure in New York, did he spot the other man in the same seat once a week. It didn’t take long for Dante to introduce himself. Kurt and Dante together felt like they were two puzzle pieces, making a complete picture. When Dante started to gain a small following online, he made efforts to separate his professional life from when he was at home. Kurt made him feel like he could be his true self, open and free, yet while he was on stage, performing for an audience of strangers, he was putting up an act. He knew Kurt’s voice was magnificent, but he never wanted Kurt to think he was using him like that to promote his own career. Dante loved Kurt, and he wanted to keep Kurt far away from his growing spotlight. Let Kurt find his own dream, his own claim to fame, with Dante supporting him the entire way. At least, that was the promise Dante proposed to Kurt with in 2017.

As his fame began to grow and explode, the lines between his face to his growing public and at home began to mix. Dante would come home shitfaced from some party, or a concert, or PR event. Photos online with him holding fans close, kissing their cheeks, and being flirtatious would come out in the tons each time he stepped outside. Kurt would have to sober Dante up, thwarting his attempts to get into his pants. Kurt never obliged while he was drunk, which would result in a heated argument. It wasn’t until the next morning that he would apologize. Trust became very thin, very quickly, turning into a vicious cycle, over and over. It was Dante returning from his first 3-month tour, as drunk as ever, that ended the relationship for good. Another argument had broken out, this time Kurt demanding to know why there were clips online of him running around some party with his hand in some girl’s back pocket. Dante became furious Kurt would think he cheated, yelling up and down it was just for PR. Kurt didn’t buy it, eventually locking himself in the bathroom when Dante threw a glass at him. It wasn’t until Dante woke up the next morning, somehow in his bed, that he realized just how badly he had fucked up. Kurt left him, with the ring on the kitchen counter, the glass cleaned, and fresh coffee brewing in the pot.

The depression that followed Kurt leaving had Dante near suicidal. He tried to find Kurt; his number was blocked, and when he contacted NYADA to find him, they said that he had dropped out. He was blocked on social media, using dummy accounts to find out none of them were being updated. Kurt had disappeared, and there was no way Dante could find him. He gave up, vanished for months from the public eye, nearly destroying his career in its infancy. In that time, Dante wrote songs, poems, and love letters for Kurt he could never send. When his agent demanded work from him, he just tossed the papers on the table in frustration, that having been his only work during that time. It was a good thing his agent had more business sense than Dante, recommending he commit his works to the studio, to audio, to music. And hence, his chart-topping, record breaking, radio dominating album, ‘To Kill the Canary’, was born. It tore away from his jazz swings of the past into a ballad genre, featuring less sax and more acoustic guitar. The day the album released, he saw the crowds form at his feet, resonating and praising his work. He was determined to live despite what happened, even if he couldn’t seem to move on.

With all this success, why attend Joie for a degree? He was set for life, he didn’t need more education. Dante’s agent thought the opposite. With the influence he held, and with him turning twenty-five in August, they thought it would look great for his image if he wasn’t just some good-looking musical flounce, doomed to fail when he was no longer dominating the public. They opted for the Emma Watson route; go to college. Get a degree. That way, he was a cut above all the others in his industry; he wasn’t just a talent, he was educated. He chose philosophy as his major over music because he already mastered music. He didn’t want college to be a complete waste of time, so he decided to learn something completely new. Joie was an easy choice for a university; it was a world-renown college, one his fans would recognize. The fact one of his dummy accounts notified him of a post to Kurt’s Instagram had absolutely nothing to do with this college selection. Nothing at all…

STUDENT CENSUS SURVEY:

(Please answer the following questions IN CHARACTER. Responses can be as long or short as you see fit!)

What made you want to attend Joie University?

The prestigious nature of the school seemed the perfect place to both earn my degree and gain life experience I have been lacking. The administration seemed accommodating considering my current position and gave the impression that I would be treated just like everyone else. Overall, I felt very welcomed and fell in love with Joie instantly.

What are at least 3 positive or neutral and at least 3 negative traits that you believe you possess?

My most positive trait would be my unwavering determination. Even in the face of my family being nay-sayers in the quest for my dreams, I went after them anyway. Now, I wish to prove there is more to me than a pretty voice, exceed my own expectations. Perhaps that is my second trait; ambition for a new challenge. No mountain is too high for me. And that ties into my third best trait being creative problem solving. I simply cannot take no for an answer. If there is a will, there is a way, and I have a lot of willpower.

As far as the negatives of my personality, every positive is a doubt edged sword. For all my determination, it is very difficult for me to know when it is time to stop, reflect, and take it what is around me. I am always pushing for the next goal, leaving me often forgetting to savor the moment. I don’t know when to stop pushing for more, for better. This has had my personal relationships suffer in the past as well, and I do plan to remedy this. Apologies are another weakness of mine. For all I try to correct any wrongs on my part, simply saying ‘I’m sorry’ seems to escape my mind. A third flaw… I am frequently told I am too generous with my money. It isn’t like I could possibly use it all, so I use it on others. This has lead to a few personalities latching onto me simply for my wallet or my fame. I suppose that makes me a sub-par judge of character.

Which of your traits do you value most?

My ambition, by far. Taking on the impossible and making it believable is something I enjoy doing, both in music and in life. I wish to up the ante by studying for my degree, see what challenges I can tackle next.

How can that trait benefit the University (or its student body) as a whole?

Being I am a special case, it would be no lie to say my experience in the school could lead to positive press. I would also be interested in investing in the school through funding scholarships and such, once I am no longer a student. I do believe in the power of education, so on the same hand I do not wish to distract from other students attending. Making a show of myself here is not the goal. I wish to meld into the student body just as a regular attendee, no special treatment. That is what I could bring.

What do you hope to gain from your experience at JU?

The typical college experiences. The ups and downs of dorm life, the stress of finals, the development into a greater person leaving than you were when you arrived. I want all these things.

What is a quote or song lyric that describes you?

“I wanna take you high up, Let our hearts be the only sounds, I wanna go where lights burn low, And you’re only mine.” -James Bay, ‘Wild Love’

[javocjovian]

Two Veils To Hide My Face, SPN Bingo

Title: Two Veils To Hide My Face  Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17444402/chapters/41993786 Square Filled: Scent Marking Ship: Wincest (Top Sam/Bottom Dean) Rating: Explicit AF Warnings: ABO, Sex during Heat/Rut (slight Dubcon), Mpreg scare, Coming Out Trauma/Omega-shame (with acceptance fluff at the end, I promise!) Tags: Protective Sam, Damaged/Ashamed Dean, Scenting, Scent Marking, Heat/Rut, First Times, painful first rut, comfort/healing sex, mild emotional abuse, John is forgiven, Dubcon at first, Sleep Sex/Reverse Somnophilia/Cockwarming, actual Somnophilia, Knotting, Prostate Play, Teasing, lots of Cum & Slick, Cock Milking, Multiple Orgasms, Anal Gaping, Angst, Hurt, Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending! No really, this is a happy story T_T

Summary: Sam’s first rut takes everyone by surprise, and Dean goes to drastic measures to help him cope. Years later they’re back on the road looking for their dad, but being so close again has its consequences.

Word Count: 4302

Created for @spnkinkbingo Beta-ed by @just-another-busyfangirl 

Quote: Sam ravaged Dean like it was his first rut all over again. Only this time, Sam wasn’t inexperienced. His blind, greedy thrusts now had an edge of intent to them. He stroked up and down Dean’s seeping walls, stirring each and every little niche that had Dean unraveling into a horny, writhing mess on the floor. Dean had never moaned so hard in his life.

(gif credit)

Two Veils To Hide My Face

 John Winchester was so proud that his first born son was an Alpha. Even as a child, Dean was so headstrong and fearless, just like his old man. He even presented early, a sign that Dean was a fast maturing, extraordinary Alpha, just like their mother. But there was a problem with this. Dean wasn’t an Alpha.

Dean was an Omega.

The pressure from John caused a lot of stress for Dean growing up, and the overcompensation was admittedly what drove Dean into early presentation. John was out on a hunt when it happened, so once Dean was back in his right mind, he grabbed his dad’s old books on witchcraft and managed to fake his status as an Alpha via a spell. For years, Sam was the only one who knew, having been there when Dean’s first heat came.

Sam was a different story. From a young age Sam was resigned to being a Beta, based on his father’s frequent comments and backhanded insinuations. When Dean presented as an Omega instead of an Alpha as expected, the brothers made a deal. Once Sam hit puberty and didn’t present, he would help Dean keep up the charade. Except, Sam wasn’t a Beta.

Sam was an Alpha.

Sam’s first rut was catastrophic. Their father had left Dean to take care of Sammy for the week when it happened. Dean was showing signs of his upcoming heat and it triggered Sam’s first rut. Dean knew from the moment it started that Sam had taken after their mother.

Sam was a heaving, gasping, sobbing mess as the pain of Alpha puberty devastated him on the bathroom floor. Dean tried everything he could think of, but he just couldn’t handle it. There was nothing he could do for Sam and, worse, his own repressed Omega instincts were eating away at his rational mind. Dean tried looking up different spells in their dad’s old book, as he had done for himself, but found nothing that could help Sam.

A few hours of his little brother’s begging and pleading, and his failure to help him, finally broke Dean. He succumbed to his own instincts at last, and let Sam fuck him on the motel carpet.

Sam outright refused at first, but Dean knew it was out of fear: he didn’t want to hurt Dean, or get caught and unravel Dean’s charade. But this was the only way. Dean tore off Sam’s underwear, forced his wrists apart, and sank down on him, already dripping slick down his own thigh.

The shock and pleasure of it struck them both dumb for a moment before everything clicked. It was like an instant drug high. Dean was suddenly fucking himself on Sam’s cock, and Sam was groaning in satisfaction. The act fulfilled a need both internal and external to them both, and before either one of them realized what was happening Sam was pinning Dean to the floor. He ravaged Dean for hours, panting hungrily while Dean shouted in unbridled relief. Sam was soaked in feverish sweat and his older brother’s slick while his knot grew. Soon, he was filling Dean with load after load of his fertile cum.

 Afterward, Sam slept like he was dead. He’d passed out still knotted inside Dean, who jerked off a few more times, getting pleasure from being claimed by Sammy even while he slept. Dean just prayed their dad wouldn’t chose that moment to come home.

Sam’s knot deflated at some point during the night and Dean wiggled out from under him at last. He deposited Sam in his bed and continued his research, this time on how to magic yourself not pregnant before your father found out you let your Alpha younger brother breed you. He couldn’t let anyone, especially their dad, find out about what happened, yet the act filled Dean with a pleasure so potent it was almost shameful.

There were a few times throughout the night that Dean realized Sam was hard again and groaning in his sleep. Those moments Dean put his books aside and slid his lips all the way down over Sam’s pulsing cock. Sam whimpered and whined while Dean let Sam knot his throat, unwaking. The sounds Sam made as he came were almost sweet. Dean did this two more times before Sam’s rut finally seemed to subside for the night.

By morning, Dean was exhausted, in pain, and noticeably bruised, but at least he wasn’t pregnant.

 It took years for Sam to forgive himself for that night. Dean never blamed him, but he understood Sam’s pain and shame and tried to avoid the topic whenever he could. Things went back to normal. John was surprised, in fact he was thrilled, to have his little Sammy become an Alpha, not to mention proud that he’d sired not one, but two of them.

 Years passed, and it seemed the close quarters and even closer bond synced Sam and Dean’s cycles. Every couple months they spent a week frantically avoiding each other, even while they hunted together with their dad. John blamed the boys’ constant bickering on having two young Alphas cooped up on the road together, but Sam and Dean knew the truth.

It was hard enough on the day-to-day basis, but when they went into heat and rut, Dean’s scent drew Sam in unlike anything he’d ever smelled, and Dean could smell that first night on Sam’s breath whenever he spoke. Sam would catch glimpses of Dean showering or changing and Dean would see Sam’s eyes change. Meanwhile, Dean would pleasure himself while remembering how Sam pinned and fucked him all night long. How he bred him.

But after each heat and rut, things would go back to normal. Dean managed to get away from their dad every time, and the spellwork took care of the rest. Sam would help by finding ingredients and slipping them in with Dean’s things. He even scent marked him so Dean smelled more like an Alpha around their dad. Dean wasn’t sure it helped, but he appreciated the gesture too much to stop Sam. Dean found something comforting about Sam casually rubbing on him whenever they had a moment alone.

Dean kept a box under his bed with one of his shirts that Sam had scented. He hid it even from Sam. When his heat was particularly bad, he’d bury his face in the shirt. Dean didn’t know that Sam had stolen a pair of Dean’s shorts he’d promised to clean after Dean ruined it with slick. The smell wouldn’t wash out, so Sam lied and said he’d burned it.

 After a while, the boys suspected that John knew his sons weren’t both Alphas, but he never brought it up. He played along with Dean, who refused to talk about it even with Sam, and it was the first time Sam remembered feeling lucky to have John as their dad. Dean wouldn’t talk about it until after their dad died.

 Things got better after Sam went away to school. Granted, it began with a fight that would haunt the three of them for the rest of their lives, but Dean’s heats calmed down for while. He dated a few Betas and even had a fling with an Alpha girl that John never found out about. Sam even found a nice Omega girl in college.

Then their father went missing.

After four years apart, the brothers were finally back together, with impossibly more baggage than ever before.

It turned out that their cycles never fell out of sync while they were apart, even though they seemingly shared nothing in common anymore. Dean was still masking his Omega scent, but he’d stopped outwardly presenting as an Alpha to cover his Omega nature. It seemed he had enough freedom now to just disappear from their dad when his pre-heat symptoms started. Sam was managing his rut with relative ease as well, although he admitted he still struggled with control and rarely let himself indulge. But even with the improvements the brothers had made while they were separated, the next cycle they shared together after all those years proved to be just as challenging as their first.

 They had just finished hunting a vengeful spirit and were too tired to do anything but sit on the couch in their motel room at three am and watch whatever was on TV. They’d been so unusually busy that they’d abandoned their normal routines. Dean knew there was something he was forgetting, but he hadn’t had a second to himself to figure out what it was, until Sam rested his head against Dean’s.

Sam had got even taller in those four years and at first Dean thought Sam was just resting his chin on Dean’s head which was odd enough. Sam moved away after a moment, so Dean just ignored it. Then Sam put his chin back on Dean and rubbed his jaw over his short, soft hair. Dean glanced over at him and realized at once what was going on.

Sam was scenting him, just like when they were kids. Except now Sam wasn’t doing it because Dean needed to hide his own scent. Sam was flat out marking him.

Dean could see Sam’s collarbone rising and falling, just barely exposed beneath his shirt and coat. Sam wasn’t a kid anymore. He was toned and tanned, and had the body of a god - Dean had noticed it during their first hunt. Now as he sat on the couch with Sam marking him, Dean couldn’t bring himself to stop him. He liked the feeling of his brother rubbing himself on his head and shoulders, without so much as an attempt at explanation. It seemed Dean was starting his heat and Sam had given into the urge without thinking, spurred on the smell, unable to help himself. It was almost like he was grooming Dean. Dean’s breath quickened. He spotted the bulge in Sam’s pants, and Dean made his decision in an instant. He grabbed Sam’s hands and pinned him to the couch.

Sam seemed to snap out of it, but instead of clarity filling his expression, it was lust. He stared heatedly as Dean climbed onto his lap. Dean had never looked more like an Alpha, and yet he bowed his head onto Sam’s shoulder and rubbed himself against his jaw, presenting the back of his neck to him. He was succumbing to a sudden, indisputable desire to be dominated by the Alpha that claimed him all those years ago. At that, Sam just about lost his mind. The feral groan he emitted sent chills of shameless, submissive pleasure down Dean’s spine.

Sam broke out of Dean’s grip, grabbed his older brother, and pinned him to the floor just like he’d done all those years ago. Dean groaned. Sam was always the calm, rational one, which was probably why it was so damn sexy when he went into rut. He lost most of his control, going purely on instinct - it was Dean’s guiltiest pleasure.

For a minute, Sam just rubbed himself on Dean, spreading his scent all over his hair and clothes, before he started humping him through the layers and groaning into the back of Dean’s neck. Dean couldn’t take it. He was already painfully erect and there was slick dripping down his leg. In four years, no one had made Dean as wet as Sam had in that short time.

A powerful need suddenly rose in Dean and he started to fight back. He wanted Sam to consent to this, not just be driven by his Alpha brain. He needed Sam’s consent. Dean remembered what it was like when they were kids. When Sam went into his ruts, he locked himself away in his room because he was so afraid of hurting someone. Dean couldn’t let Sam feel like that again.

Dean’s struggling confused Sam giving Dean the upper hand. He wrestled Sam to the floor, slapping his face just enough to ground him. Sam sputtered and gasped, staring at Dean incredulously.

“Dean!”

“Do you really want this?”

Sam groaned. “Yes.”

“Tell me you want this, Sammy. Tell me you want my ass. Come on!”

Sam growled at him, writhing on the floor. “I want your ass… I want you filled with my seed...” It looked like his every muscle was working to not overtake Dean’s grip. “I want your slick all over me, Dean. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Their conversation was brief, but it was enough consent for Dean. Dean broke. His grip on Sam loosened and Sam took that as his cue.

They were naked on the floor in seconds. Sam was surprisingly tender with Dean, like he’d gained some modicum of control over his Alpha nature in the last few years, or he at least truly meant what he said: he wanted Dean, and he always had.

Still, Sam’s cock was even bigger than Dean remembered. If he hadn’t been starting his heat, he wasn’t sure if his body would have been able to take all of it. Dean was wet and perfectly pliable for Sam’s cock, and every inch of pain was drowned out by miles of overwhelming pleasure.

Sam ravaged Dean like it was his first rut all over again. Only this time, Sam wasn’t inexperienced. His blind, greedy thrusts now had an edge of intent to them. He stroked up and down Dean’s seeping walls, stirring each and every little niche that had Dean unraveling into a horny, writhing mess on the floor. Dean had never moaned so hard in his life. At one point, he whimpered like Sam had in his sleep when Dean first sucked him. Dean would have been mortified if anyone but Sam heard it. Dean slammed his fist on the floor, bucking back into Sam and making him curse.

Sam urged him on, groping and kissing him all over, until Dean finally felt Sam’s growing knot press between his cheeks. They groaned in unison as it pressed against Dean’s opening.

 They fucked for hours. Dean came first when Sam found his prostate and unleashed his lust on it. Dean had never cum so hard or so fast, even by his own doing. Dean’s heat kept him wet and ready after every assault, aching for everything Sam could give him. After his second orgasm, he was so stretched that, after the perfect thrust, Sam’s growing knot slipped right into him with a wet pop. They both groaned, and Sam fucked his knot into Dean’s quivering hole, trembling.

Sam was beside himself. That extra inch of his cock seemed to have the combined sensitivity of his head and shaft. It finally swelled to its full extent inside of Dean and Sam came, hard, hips pressed against Dean’s stretched hole. Dean dropped his forehead and palms onto the carpet and just moaned. Sam lost track of how many times he pulsed inside of Dean, planting his knot deep and letting it pin Dean’s ass to the floor every time. His thighs and knees were covered in Dean’s slick and his own sweat.

Dean could tell Sam was getting tired. He wanted him to pass out so that Dean could experience that rush again – the rush he now understood had been submissive pleasure. Dean never submitted to anyone. Call it years of repression or just Dean’s stubborn nature, but he was a shitty Omega.... Except with Sam. Sam was the only one he’d let treat him like an Omega and it felt so good.

Sam slowed in exhaustion and leaned down over Dean’s back, spooning him while he fucked him. He was barely pulling out at all, just pushing against Dean’s abused ass while his knot pulsed in Dean’s body. Dean felt Sam come once more, then finally still.

There was nothing but the sound of panting and gasping for a few moments. Then Dean finally spoke.

“Sleep, Sammy.”

Sam was scenting him again, lazily rubbing his jaw over Dean head and sweaty shoulders. Sam made to pull out, feeling Dean’s body resist the slowly receding knot like a plug, but Dean stopped him.

“It’s okay… just sleep,” Dean said shakily.

Sam understood. He kissed Dean’s temple and began to doze off, still inside of Dean from behind on their soaked motel carpet. Dean swallowed. He was spent. For a while he dozed too, waking with each of Sam’s little snores and stirs. His every movement roused Dean so intimately that he couldn’t help but wake. Finally, something woke Dean that was a little more rousing. Sam’s knot was swelling back up and he was humping Dean in his sleep. Dean groaned, remembering just how dead to the world Sam had been while he slept that first time. There’d be no waking him.

Urged on by what was most likely a dream of some kind, Sam thrust slowly in Dean’s ass, leaking precum and wetting his insides again. Dean’s breathing went shallow. He was erect in seconds. Call it Omega heat or whatever, but Dean could feel his channel tingling and urging Sam on, blissed out in satisfaction at being used. Sam nuzzled Dean’s neck, scenting him more. Dean groaned. Sam was claiming him in his sleep. His hand flew to his cock and he began stroking himself between his belly and the floor. Sam’s knot was full again, and Dean could feel the weight of it pressing him into the floor. He yanked his arm out of the way, and just humped the floor while Sam sleep fucked him at a teasingly uncoordinated pace. The motions of Dean’s hips aided Sam’s cock in sliding back and forth, and Sam soon orgasmed with a pleasured whine, spilling his seed deep in Dean’s plugged hole. The effort woke him and Sam slowly realized what was going on. He felt Dean rolling his hips, pinned beneath him but awake.

“’s that why you wanted to sleep like this?” Sam murmured in Dean’s ear.

Dean grinned sheepishly.

Sam planted his lips down on the back of Dean’s exposed neck and sucked, making Dean groan and buck into the carpet. Dean knew Sam wouldn’t mate him, not yet at least, but the gesture sent chills down Dean’s back. Sam angled himself so that his cock slid against Dean’s prostate, pushing down on it. Dean’s breath hitched. Sam grazed his teeth against Dean’s skin as he left hickeys on his neck, sensing that Dean liked it. Sure enough, Dean clenched around Sam’s cock, driving it unrelentingly into his pleasure spot, and Dean came right there, moaning hotly.

Once Dean had stopped trembling and cursing from his orgasm, Sam helped pick him up by the shoulders. Dean let him change positions, so that Dean was on his knees with his chest and forehead on the couch seat. Dean gave a murmur of thanks. Sam was clearly still in fuck or fight mode, but Dean was impressed by just how much he was able to control it now. Still… Dean clenched around Sam’s knot and got a surprised moan out of him.

He heard Sam’s breathless smile behind him. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean grinned, looking sideways at him.

Sam dragged his hands up Dean’s thighs and hips, earning a shiver from Dean. Then he cupped his hands over Dean’s taut stomach and dragged his nails down to his groin.

Dean bucked and bit his lips, groaning softly.

“Dean… why didn’t you tell me how much you wanted this?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean grit his teeth and Sam did it again, almost tickling down his treasure trail. Dean could feel himself full of Sam’s cum, warming him just above Sam’s hands.

“Touche,” Sam said, cupping Dean’s cock and balls with his large hands.

Dean moaned, widening his stance and sinking back on Sam’s cock. He could feel himself dripping from his cock and his hole in unison.

“Dean...” Sam started.

Something about the way he said it made Dean look back at him. “Hey… Look, I am loving this,” he prefaced. “For the love of God, you can tease me all night. Fuck.” He breathed, shuddering slightly as Sam idly fingered his slit. “But… no chick flick moments, okay? I don’t blame you for anything, and if this is something you want to do then… I’m here whenever you need me,” Dean said tersely.

Sam’s smile warmed, rubbing spurts of precum out of Dean’s cock. “Deal.”

Dean shivered. “Oh, thank God.” He flopped his head down on the couch.

Sam grinned. “You’re going to eat your words, you know,” Sam said, rubbing his fingers up and down Dean’s cock and making his whole body arch and shake.

“I’ve eaten worse.” Dean flashed him a cocky grin and stifled a whimper.

Sam almost laughed. Instead, he began to jack Dean off. Dean groaned gratefully. Within seconds, Sam was fucking him hard again. He groped and fondled him, holding Dean’s cock and stomach as if he were trying to fill him to the brim. Sam couldn’t pull out very far with his knot, but that meant his hips kept rubbing Dean’s stretched entrance with every thrust, filling Dean with eratic pleasure. Dean was a mess on the couch, arched up against Sam with his cock dribbling all over Sam’s long, stroking fingers, fisting the couch pillows on either side of his head.

They only lasted a few rounds that time. Dean came twice in Sam’s hands while he milked him before Sam’s thrusts became desperate and fast again. Sam was an animal, fucking and groaning like Dean wasn’t even there. Sam knotted him once more, then collapsed atop him, hands splayed on the couch beside Dean’s as he came. Dean gripped his wet fingers, just breathing with his brother.

 Sam’s knot shrunk a little faster that time, and Sam finally seemed to have returned to his senses. When Sam slipped out of him, Dean could feel himself gaping, Sam’s cum flowing between his knees. Sam stroked Dean’s entrance soothingly, making Dean want to just sink into the couch and sleep. He was flaccid at last, and it had never felt so good. Sam seemed to have similar ideas as Dean, because he scooped an arm around Dean’s waist to pulled him onto the only clean part of the floor left. They passed out together, holding each other close until morning.

 The next day was spent cleaning the motel room. Sam couldn’t believe he’d had a rut like that, but Dean was grinning with pride. After a greasy meal and several coffees each, they hit the road. On the way to their next case, they found it surprisingly easy to talk to one another. They laughed about dad, about their worst hunts, they even talked a bit about mom. Every conversation seemed to come back to what would surely happen if anyone took a black light to that motel room. Very little seemed to change between them, except that once every couple of months they’d take a few days off to take care of each other. That - and Dean was now on birth-control.

As they readjusted to living side by side again, they noticed little changes. Dean became a pretty good cook and didn’t use magic anymore, and Sam had somehow read the entire Stanford library. They both learned to handle their cycles differently when they were apart: Sam liked to research and prepare for each one, while Dean did absolutely nothing. In the end it was always the same: Sam was a hot mess while Dean somehow maintained a decent amount of self-control.

 Overall, not much had changed, except now Sam and Dean weren’t ashamed of needing each other. Dean told Sam about the shirt he used to keep, and Sam replied with the story of Dean’s pants. Sam knew they’d be okay when, at last, Dean let it slip over the phone with their dad that his Omega cycle was starting soon and he couldn’t start another hunt right away. Sam heard the receiver go silent before a calm voice replied “Okay, son.”

Sam hid his smile from Dean when he got back to the table and they never talked about it again.