#especially when it comes out of nowhere
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Bakugou comes home and finds you burrowed under your favorite blankets, clad in only your underwear. Heâs concerned at first, with the distant look in your eyes and how stiff your body is. But thatâs when he takes you inâyouâre under your comfort blanket, wearing the only undergarments that donât upset you, playing the tunes that you always play whenever the world becomes too much. He blinks at you, before signing softly,
âSensory overload?â He whispers, finds himself to be so small in this huge apartment, in front of you. He makes himself tiny, defenseless, quiet and reserved, and itâs what makes your eyes finally shift over to him. You sniffle once and nod stiffly, but thatâs all he needs.
Bakugou makes quick use of discarding his clothing, vowing to shower later and wash the sheets before bed. He turns off the overhead light and puts on the ambience lighting for the room, turns the fan on low, closes the windows. Then he crawls under the sheets, doesnât invade inside your blanket, and lays close. He doesnât say anything, but you hear him loud snd clear.
Iâm here for you when youâre ready.
It takes only a few minutes before you shift and turn, crawling on top of him without a word. He wraps an arm around your waist, the other smoothing down your hair. He pulls your phone closer so that the noise doesnât sound so hallow where it tangles in the sheets, and kisses your temple once. Youâre quiet for a long while before you whisper into the juncture of his neck,
âIâm sorry Iâm like this. Iâll get better.â And it makes his heart ache more than he cares to admit. He knows he might overwhelm you with his words, his attitude to your apology for just being you. So he settles for squeezing you briefly, kissing your temples again.
âDonât apologize, and donât rush getting better. Iâll be there for you every step, no matter what. You hear me?â He tries to keep the scolding from his tone, especially when he feels you curling in on yourself more. But you nod, pressing your lips softly to his warm flesh.
âI love you. Donât forget that.â He tells you, eyes closing as he feels the long day starting to catch up to him. You nod again, lids falling heavy as you can finally let go of the stressors that plague you, even if only for a moment.
âI love you.â
#sensory overload is terrible#especially when it comes out of nowhere#or seemingly nowhere I guess#I have a headache booooo#but Iâm gonna make a strawberry lemonade slushee :)#bakugou treats! đŹ#ânew treat in the streets! đ«#cw sensory overload
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The Language of Love
If you are already convinced snakes are incapable of love, this post is not for you. But if you are open to the possibility that maybe they do, and maybe they love us too, this post explores that thought. Perhaps snakes feel it differently, perhaps they feel it the same humans do- though even humans experience love, be it platonic or romantic, differently from individual to individual. Different people also show their love in different ways as well! Yet still even with a divide between species most of us have felt love from our furry and feathered friends. Perhaps our scaly friends are also telling us they love us, we just might not understand.
When I first got my girl Scoria, if I could tell her only one thing it would be, "I love you." When I held her, I wondered if she understood how much I cared about her, and would do anything to protect her. When I pet her, I wondered if she knew how amazing I thought she was and enjoyed spending time with her.
And then I started watching livestreams of wild snakes, and how they act toward each other. (The above still is from Project Rattle Cam!) When the babies see a trusted adult, they slither all over them! How many times had my girl happily slithered all over me going no where in particular? I imagine that my finger petting her soft as a feather was probably quite similar to another snake greeting her in such a way.
Sakura is much more shy, yet wants to form a bond with me. I see it when she fights her fear to vibe with me. Sometimes she'll sit for hours at the edge of her tank nearest me, not wanting to come out, but just be near me.
Snakes like rattlesnakes and garter snakes will vibe peacefully with each other, with baby rattlesnakes sleeping near the adult rattlesnakes they trust to keep them safe.
Perhaps, when our shy snakes sits with us, facing their fears they're saying, "I'm scared, but I want to be closer with you." And maybe when our snakes slither all over us, going nowhere in particular, like their wild counterparts do with each other they're saying, "I'm so happy to see you! You're my favorite to be with!" I wonder if they could tell us one thing it would be "I love you, best friend!" And it's okay, best friend. I love you too, and already know. <3
#snakes#snake#hognose#rattlesnakes#rattle snakes#I don't want to debate this- those who would are already cemented in their opinions#Plenty of us snake caretakers have wondered I'm sure#From the behavior I've seen from my girls#I feel we are a happy little family#And they display requesting and giving affection#as well as empathy#Not sure what else they'd need to do to convince the world but its enough for me#And really why deprive snake caretakers the comfort of knowing their little scaley friends love them back#âBut maybe they don'tâ#Yeah well maybe they do#Especially when they're doing the behavior their wild counterparts do when they see their friends#Yes they have friends!#Sakura understands when I do the hognose twitch too and will come over when I do it with my arm#Being able to communicate with them is incredible honestly#Anyway#If there was anyone out there wondering if their snake loves them#If they rush over to see you#like to vibe with you#then they enjoy your company#If they can't wait for you to pick them up and wiggle all over you going nowhere in particular#You know they are happy to be around you and are telling you in snake language#which seems super similar to petting/being pet for a critter with no arms#I mean when you have a tongue that isn't made for grooming#And I think it is family love <3
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"And to follow up on Niko Mikkola...his sense of humour with him, like, maybeâlot of people don't talkâlike, last night he was like, you know, he "woke Bobby up," or whatever. "Good thing Bob was awakeâ"
"He's a great personality and I've said this kinda during the year. And we've, you know, I mean we're alwaysâ...I was gonna say, "It'd be great if you guys could spend a lot of time with him," but then we spend a lot of time trying to make sure you guys don't spend too much time with our guys, so, there goesâso, forget that! But, he is an incredibly interesting guy. What's great is when he's coming to the bench... if there's something that's broken down, and I'm not sure if he's screaming in Finnish or it's in English, but it is funny as hell! And it's consistent. So, he plays really high-energy level. A lot of times these kinda big, lanky guys are... you don't really think they're moving that fast, but they are! He looks like he's getting across the ice, and, you know, he competes hard. That's what we like the most of him, but he talks at a high-energy level, too, on the bench. And that's great, right? We have some quiet players on our bench, and that's fine, that's who they are. But, those guys like Mikkola, who's gotânobody knowsâWell there's four other Finnish guys knowing what he's saying, but nobody else knows what he's saying.
paul loves all his rascals and it is a joy to hear his takes on them its mikksys turn now!
media availability | 6.11.24 (x)
also if you want to see the moment mikksy is talking about in the interviews linked above because it is genuinely bonkers 10 or so seconds of hockey: here it is
#paul maurice#niko mikkola#mention: niko mikkola#florida panthers#2324#playoffs 24#i had this one in my drafts for such a long time and i completely forgot to post it#whoospie doodle#context this was the day after scf game 2 when they had a rest day and were preparing to fly to edm mikksy in game 2 mishandles the puck#and fires it back to bobby in what couldve been a self goal but bobby made a pad save and mikksy recollects himself behind the net#and books it into the ozone where lundy gives him a sick back pass#and mikksy absolutely buries it into the net in the span of about 10 seconds its genuinely insane#anways mikksy is terribly funny in both eng and fin#paul hyping up mikksy YES PLEASE#âhe talks at a high-energy lvlâ yeah if youve ever seen him during games god he can he such a chirper and shit stirrer when he wants to#especially during fights this man gets such a manical grin and it gets even worse in the box đđđ#i like to compare mikksys skating to a freight train; usually moves at a moderate speed but man when they get going THEY HIT#sometimes youll just see him come out of fucking nowhere and take a slapshot like JESUS YOU SCARED ME WHERE DID YOU COME FROM#also paul saying â4 finns on the teamâ girl who are you referring to is erod the secret fourth đđ#he meant 3 but counted mikksy in when he was talking ABOUT him#schrodinger's finn#erod. its erod.#mr half finn#thank you george richards [fhn] for making paul talk about how funny niko mikkola is yes i needed that
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idk why this fandom is so insecure about actually disagreeing on some things with george. like ofc i get it hes the author and ofc he has immense authority on his text but lol this is art. if you have ur opinion that u can substantiate and doesnât require misconstruing and deliberately misinterpreting/making shit up why are u so desperate for his validation. and its usually silly shit too
#like im sorry there are plenty of gripes u can have with what he does anyway đ#and how he executes certain things#u can have ur own preferences. unbelievable i know#now this is where dota should come up lmaoo#especially if it doesnt concern the intention and theories etc like if its subjective shit cmon#i get that when ppl assertively say misconstrued bullshit#and pull it out of nowhere#but again
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next month me and my grandma are going to visit my godfather who lives in Spain, but instead of being excited (it's gonna be my second time abroad in my life) I'm anxious af, because even though I'm an adult I live with my parents and I need to tell my father about it. normal parents would - y'know - be happy that their children have opportunity to visit another country, but instead he's gonna be insufferable about it, because it's my mom's side of family and he despises my uncle. but what is he gonna do? kick me out of the house even though he promised that as long as I'm studying or working I don't need to worry about such thing, humiliate me as usual, tell me that I'm childish and spoiled or make my mom's life a living hell again? I'm aware of the fact that the longer I'm putting it off the worse his reaction is gonna be, but I'm just not mentally able to tell him that, because I don't know how he will react. I don't need any money from him, I don't have to use my phone during this trip (I dunno how the roaming and stuff work), I just want to be sure he's gonna behave like a proper human being towards my mom and my siblings when I won't be at home and not act like a total asshole while talking with me about it.
#i know that at my age i should be more mature and handle such situations better but as long as he's the way he is it's impossible#why can't both my parents be normal#and the fact that i wasn't able to get any summer job this year isn't making it any better because i know it's gonna be one of his argument#(czaicie to ĆŒe nawet do ĆŒabki mnie nie chcieli. dosĆownie emotional i brain damage)#'you didn't work so from where do you get the money for that'#don't worry definitely not from you because you can't even pay for my monthly train ticket to college#and at the same time have the audacity to call me dumb for commuting there instead of living in that city#while knowing that neither me nor mom can afford renting anything without your help#(okay i'm a bit exaggerating in my mom's case but she earns much less than him and he still makes problems with literally anything#even buying food even though he's in a very good financial situation and there are times when my mom has to make everything work all alone#because he's getting mad at her out of nowhere and only pays the bills that fortunately aren't that bad in our case)#(and unfortunately the bills include my telephone subscribtion because all of our numbers are in some kind of special offer where you pay#much less for one number when they're registered for one person so it's another problem in this situation because when i offered paying for#mine he refused and probably it'll be his another argument for becoming mad that i dare to spend time with the part of family that cares#about me unlike majority of his relatives)#i hope that at least when academic year starts i'll be able to get any part-time job on the weekends so i can save up more money#although i'm not sure if i'm gonna move out in the nearest future. i mean he's fucking insufferable and toxic but i just can't leave my mom#and especially siblings there even though i can't even fucking protect them from literally anything. at this point i'm just powerless.#there are times when he tries to change for the better but then he starts creating problems on purpose and everything is coming full circle#and the sole thought that my little siblings would tell me that i just ran away from this problem is fucking killing me.#niedziela wieczĂłr i humor niegituwa. zawsze kurwa kurwa coĆ.#chuj idÄ sĆuchaÄ myslovitz#pau.txt
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Hello love! May i ask for a spicy one but this time Gil teases Thena and gets it back at her. đ©·
Thena glares at Gil as he picks up the phone.
"What?" he growls into it. "Right...yes."
Thena goes so far as to cross her arms at him, raising her brows. Is this really the time?
He chuckles, resuming what he was doing while still on the call. "No, I can talk."
Thena slaps her hand over her mouth as he resumes thrusting, literally completely inside of her as he takes the business call. This is revenge for earlier that morning.
"Right," he grunts, only sounding slightly out of breath as he continues to move his hips against hers, their skin slapping together as he fucks her on top of his desk. He looks down at her, "I'm not available right this second."
Thena glares at him more, but then he hits that sweet spot and she has to close her eyes because fuck! She tries to sit up and support herself with her elbows but that takes too much energy.
Gil moves his hands and pounds into her even harder, "hang on."
She puts both hands over her mouth as she lets out a loud mix of both a moan and a curse. Fuck this man. He moves with that same intensity until he knows damn well that she's getting close to coming. Then, in a flash, he's out of her.
"What was that?" he asks into the phone, completely absurdly with his suit jacket still on and his cock out and rock hard. "Yes, I see."
Thena slams her fists on his desk at the absence of him. She will get him for this. She sits up again, panting for breath and flushed scarlet rouge. "Get back here."
This man - this complete bastard - holds up a finger to shush her with a wink and the cockiest smirk she has ever seen. He is having far too much fun with this.
"Uh-huh, yes," he continues on in his conversation as he comes closer again. "Right."
Thena moans loudly as he kisses her, hoping that it will urge him to put the fucking phone down and resume fucking his impatient partner.
But Gil holds the phone away from them, dampening the sound of her pleasure for those who aren't privy. When he pulls away from her he brings the phone back, "walk me through that part again?"
Thena bares her teeth at him, ready to take matters into her own hands and tell whomever is on the other end of that call that they are keeping her from a very important orgasm.
Gil half turns away, only for his fingers to immediately resume what work he had been doing before. "Right."
Thena moans again, leaning back on his desk with her breasts settling in her new position. This is the kind of thing she used to dream about. Back when she hadn't been working for him for long, and then she would avoid him so her boss wouldn't somehow find out she was having positively filthy sex dreams about him.
"I think that's reasonable," he continues to speak so normally as he hooks his fingers inside of her, stroking that spot with ease. "It's a perfectly acceptable proposal."
"Fuck," she whimpers as, once again, he drags her all the way to the edge before stopping. She could scream, "Gil!"
"Sweetheart," he puts the phone to his shoulder and croons at her, "not much longer--promise."
Fuck this man.
Thena bites her lip. She's so close. She's been close since the moment he called her into his office and proceeded to kiss her until she couldn't think. When he first bent her over his desk and then helped her lie back on it, tits out, skirt hauled up to her waist.
"Hm," Gil pulls his hand back and licks his fingers one by one, "hmmmm."
Thena tries to kick at him, but he catches her ankle and hooks it into the crook of his elbow. He's enjoying the view; she flushes scarlet.
"Let me see," he chuckles into the phone again before turning to face her. He braces himself on the table again. "I'll get back to you."
Thena lets out a shriek as he drops the phone receiver down the same moment he pushes into her again. "Fuck!"
"When did you become so impatient, Naekkeo?"
"Fuck you," she snarls, and sounds just like him when she does. But she's so wound up, and she wants to come so bad. "You owe me."
"On the contrary, Yeobo," he pulls her hips so he can angle himself better. "This is payback for this morning. Now, we're even."
Oh, they would not be even for a long time for this.
"Fuck, Gil, please," she whimpers, positively feverish with need for him. She reaches for his hand, and not only does he hold it, he also uses it for leverage to fuck her even harder. "I wanna come!"
He all but roars as he pounds into her, their hips meeting in a hard and messy conjoining of bodies writhing together. "Fuck!"
Thena comes first, finally free after a very drawn out lead up to her crescendo. Warmth engulfs her completely and she finally lets go of everything that had been coiling within her. She flops back down to the leather deskmat beneath her, hair everywhere, completely exposed. She feels amazing.
Fuck--this man.
Gil comes barely seconds after, hunching over her and his hips giving a last few jerks as he lets his own ecstasy overtake him. He leans over her until he's close enough to kiss her, both of them kissing and gasping for air on different rhythms.
Thena moans as he slips out of her. His office is going to be a mess (and reek of sex for hours). She finally pries her eyes open just to stare at his ceiling. "Fuck."
"Yeah," he agrees, laughing faintly.
She huffs, slapping his shoulder. "It's not funny."
"It's a little funny."
"Gil!"
"Sorry baby," he chuckles, kissing her temple and then down her cheek and neck. "Couldn't resist--and hey, now you know what you put me through this morning."
Thena grumbles as he pulls her up (knowing her core doesn't have the strength in it for her to do it herself at the moment). She nuzzles into his shoulder, "I think you did far worse."
"I think we're even," he refutes, letting her lean on him as he first pulls her bra back on for her, then buttons up her cardigan again.
She grumbles, "I'm sweaty."
He fluffs her hair out for her and kisses her other cheek, "you're glowing and beautiful and perfect."
Fuck, this man; Thena rolls her eyes, pushing at his chest to try and sit up straight on her own. She wobbles a bit, but she does it. "The work day is not exactly over."
"Yeah, but at least I don't have any more meetings," he grins as he fixes his own appearance as well. "Or conference calls."
Thena pouts at him as she straightens herself out a little more, including getting her stockings hooked to her garter belt again. "I should hope not."
Gil helps her off his desk, her knees wobbling faintly as her heels hit the floor. He holds her gently, letting her stand up out of his grasp when she's ready. "Hey."
Thena smiles into his soft and sweet kiss, much more her househusband than her boss. She pats his chest, "you're not out of trouble yet."
"Save it for home, vixen," he both teases and agrees, pulling the hand up from his chest and to his lips. "And ask cleaning to do an extra thorough detailing in here tonight?"
She doesn't look forward to that. It's ridiculous, but she feels like cleaning has some way of knowing what they've been up to in here.
"And Thena?"
"Hm?" she looks over her shoulder a step and a half away from where they were just fucking like animals. She's combing her fingers through her hair and he's collecting his stray papers.
Gil crosses the distance to kiss her again with his sweet, househusband smile, "I love you."
She gives him another little kiss--a truly domestic exchange of affection after a very wild 'meeting' in the middle of the day. "I love you, too."
#Thenamesh Receptionist AU#Thenamesh 18+#a follow up to the previous of theirs#of these two animals!!!#Gil would be such a tease#and he likes it too#he likes feeling like a badass#especially when it results in the pleasure of his precious Thena#also of course everyone knows what's happening in there#yes it's soundproofed but the door is locked and his receptionist is nowhere to be found#next thing they know she's back at her desk and she looks like she's come out of a rock tumbler she's so sparkly and refreshed#and boss is in waaaaaaay too good a mood for it to not be suspicious#Thena does order extra detailing for the night#trying not to seem embarrassed over the phone#of course they know too#they get in their like jesus christ they're like newly weds boss and that lady friend of his#but whatever a job's a job#Thena would dream of Gil just taking her#ravishing her#then come into work the next day like fuck#don't think about it#don't think about the dream you had of your boss railing you against the windows
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like donât get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and thereâs bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#Iâve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like thereâs so much potential obviously Iâm biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or donât like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#Iâm just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like thereâs so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and itâs just like it feels like either#half baked or that itâs gone through too many edits itâs like itâs scared to exist?? like thereâs some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but itâs like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form itâs a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but youâd definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Reginaâs characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they couldâve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#sheâs singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz thereâs#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like⊠yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isnât out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didnât care much for the straight plot stuff thereâs 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original itâs regular algebra not AP calc which I think couldâve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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love how my shitty health insurance chose THE perfect time to expire. just really impeccable timing
#pentababbles#it expired on november 1st out of nowhere#i was on my dad's health plan but he got a job with a separate health plan and forgot to renew his other insurance#i was supposed to be able to stay covered under united healthcare until 2026.#sure that would've only given me two more years but at least then i'd have time to plan what to do next#what's especially annoying is how much trouble i had with my insurance previously when i tried switching my pcp#and this happens to be THE time of year when i typically get sick#just this september i was hospitalized for a severe asthma attack/respiratory infection combo#which could've been prevented if i could've gotten my asthma medicine from my allergist sooner#but ofc i had to go thru a ridiculous snafu dealing with doctors and insurance just to get a damn referral#and literally on the day my insurance ran out i caught a cold.#i'm running low on my antidepressants and my asthma medicine already.#i have a little money in my savings for emergency so if worse comes to worse i can at least get my medicines refilled#but. i can't go back to the doctor for more tests bc it'll cost too much.#i only have a part time job as an assistant teacher. i only get paid hourly and it's not that much#even if i did get a salaried position at this job the insurance benefits aren't that great and the pay is much better#plus since i work with kids they're very germy so i'm always at risk of getting sick and having to go to the doctor#i don't want my insurance to be tied to my job but i need to get a better job anyways. so i can start digging myself out of this hole#i need to get my vaccines updated stockpile lifesaving medications and get a new job with insurance before jan 20#bc i need to survive. i need to outlive the empire no matter what#and i need to be there for my friends
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I am. So so scared about that they're doing with Tory this season lol.
#⥠ooc. ââ â đđ© đŻđ° đȘđ”'đŽ đđąđłđȘ. â#the thing is I do like a good corruption arc but she has already made so much progress and EARNED her face turn yknow?#it took her three whole seasons of changing and wanting to be a better person to get there. *that* didn't come out of nowhere.#and it wasn't just an act of necessity to get rid of silver and kim that is tory being who she is instead of this front of forced toughness#my mixed feelings mostly come from how absolutely convoluted some things are around her return to kreese#like for one I will say they did pick the only circumstance in which I could see breaking her enough to go back (her mom d*ing)#that is literally the ONLY thing that could have worked and been believable for me to put her in that headspace#where she's so desperate just to make sense of the world again that she's susceptible to kreese's influence again#I don't have a problem with THAT aspect. I like how that was done in the vacuum of things and that part is what works for me.#what I don't like is everything happening *around* that situation and there being some glaring things that have to be overlooked#to make it happen exactly as it did#for starters it makes no fucking sense to me at all that no one went to physically check on Tory when she ghosted everyone#and then NOBODY checked on her after that fight when something was clearly wrong with her???? absolutely not.#the only explanation that would make sense for me is that she ran away and went where no one could find her#but the show didn't give us anything like that. they just skipped time so they could have her turn be more shocking.#and I hated that so so so much#also the other major plothole for me is tory willingly working with kim again#kim is to her what silver is to daniel so I don't think even under this extreme mental duress that she would go back#bc kim literally traumatized her#she would go back to kreese yeah. I could believe that. but there is no way she wants to be around kim *at all*#that would be like having daniel forgive silver and go back to him just because he teaches good karate#I have feelings and obvs I'm gonna wait and see how this plays out but I'm genuinely worried#especially after seeing some stuff in the trailers / released screencaps that have me concerned about where they're taking it#which I won't talk about in this post bc potential spoilers but uh. I definitely have strong feelings about a couple of things.
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#something i've been thinking about for a while now#is how much context matters in fandoms especially when talking about things like racism and other bigotry#the stuff i saw after 4x01 will stay with me forever#the way people were not only so mad at carlos but also how some of them went to other peoples' inboxes#people who weren't mad at him or hadn't decided his character had been ruined#and were basically like 'how can you still like him how can you support him after this'#'people supporting him and still caring about him just means he'll be able to continue avoiding and poor tk will just have to deal with it'#that part's been so hard to shake because that's not criticism#going to peoples' inboxes who still liked him and were giving him grace and asking how they could implying he didn't deserve it#if you felt he was ruined that's fine that's you but to go to other people who did not feel that way and be upset they didn't#as if a character of color being given grace and patience is a commonplace thing in fandom lol#as if people that look like carlos in the real world are regularly given grace (they're not)#it's not that some people weren't able to empathize with his decisions it's that they got angry at people who were able to.#because apparently he didn't deserve it.#and i've watched this sentiment grow stronger and stronger for almost two years and it is just.... i don't even know#when we talk about things like empathy and understanding in relation to carlos it is loaded#it does come from this#and i really think that's important to understand it's necessary context#peoples' strong feelings about this have not just sprung up out of nowhere#if you've been here since then you know how everything went down#i don't know. i think sometimes the urge to punish him feels really strong and i can't understand it#and it's hard to take particularly now because we know why he's struggling and we have all of the context#and yet. still.#idk what my point is i just need it to be known that nothing happening right now exists in a vacuum
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just been thinking about the sallow twins lately and how absolutely damaging it must have been for sebastian to deal with being compared to his parents so often, especially if anne hadn't been
like, as twins every little difference between you both can feel like a chasm- because so often you're lumped together in people's minds- meaning every difference between you feels amplified so, the possibility of anne and seb being raised slightly differently ever since solomon took them in has got me hooked
given solomon's obvious inability to confront and cope with his feelings in a healthy way, and the spiteful comments he's made about his deceased brother in-game, it's not implausible to suggest he's been dealing with the grief of losing his brother in a maladaptive way, and projecting those negative feelings onto sebastian, likely since taking anne and seb in
going the step further here, and suggesting it was only sebastian who had dealt with this, would mean that anne never had the same negative experiences with solomon as her brother did, so maybe she doesn't quite 'get it'- what sebastian is going through
leading to increased tensions and animosity between solomon and sebastian, and anne not really being able to understand or empathise with her brother's position
also, from this i'd suggest that sebastian internalised and now eminates more of his parents, specifically his father, than anne does. solomon calls him his 'reckless brother's son' so much that sebastian is more reckless, loves to learn not just because it was how he was raised and it's part of who he is, but because it helps him feel closer to his parents
#hogwarts legacy#au where i think of nice things about my faves#yeah this is a solomon sallow hate blog and what of it#context which might be helpful: my younger siblings are twins#so promise i didn't completely pull this idea about twin dynamics and raising twins out of nowhere#also internalisation is a POWERFUL tool man it is not to be underestimated#and it's not to say anne is a bad sibling or anything!! but especially between siblings if you have different experiences with your parents#caretakers then you're not gonna see eye-to-eye when it comes to dealing with them#so like#maybe anne listens to solomon more/feels more comfortable going to him than sebastian ever would#because sebastian never DID get that parental support from solomon he so needed#equally not implying solomon was a great parental figure to anne#just better than he was to sebastian#which i mean#the bar is in HELL
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just want yall to know writing smut in long form fic format is HARD
#especially when ya got plot to it but also its more fun when there is plot#but you have to figure out the right way to lead up to it so it makes sense#and doesnt come out of nowhere#then actually writing#remembering what is possible in the positions theyre in#trying to make it different and such#oof#kit talks
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It's so wild and refreshing to me to want to be HERE. In my country. In my general area. Where I am
#for years I've yearned for people from the screens in other countries and always wanted to be elsewhere and it gets hard#especially being left untethered after relationships break or friendships fade#I still have friendships but this is my place right now and whatever I need to find next I have to find it where I am#trying to bond with people locally feels like I'm in school again. super worried it won't work yet so happy when it does#there's an uncertainty to it and it's. different#but also last few times I was with people I didn't feel the need to be on my phone at all save from showing the person something#which is. foreign to me#idk. something is changing and shifting towards what I've been searching for. just a bit#the steps have been small. and are still small. it's like climbing up a spiral staircase#been going on forever. long way come and nowhere near the top#but it's like I just passed a window and noticed the view is really nice out#this was brought to you by: upstairs neighbour woke me up at 4 again#bien rambles
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So, what Rakha really wants to do right now is go kill the people hunting Karlach, because they don't have anything else that would qualify as a direct plan other than the creche, and the "paladins" are closer. However, I happen to know that the paladins are level five and Rakha is level 2 and could be knocked over by a stiff breeze, so I think a better bet is a more full exploration of the Emerald Grove first.
I'm guessing that this is the result of a concerted effort on Wyll and Shadowheart's part, primarily - Wyll already knows the people of the grove and Shadowheart has fixated on Halsin as a useful lead. Gale doesn't seem to have any specific plan in mind and, left to their own devices, Lae'zel would already be heading for the creche and Rakha and Karlach would be after the paladins. But between them, Shadowheart and Wyll manage to convince everyone that at least TALKING to the healer in the grove would be a useful start before everyone goes off half-cocked.
Amused because I stopped in to talk to Zevlor and got a disapproval from Wyll purely for leaving the conversation without asking the question about whether the ritual could be stopped. XD Sorry, Wyll. I swear we'll get to a point where you like Rakha, somehow, but I doubt sincerely we're there yet.
Speaking of the ritual, down we go to the grove proper - with a quick stop to talk to the teeth-ling kids.
"Whoa. Hey! Can't say I've ever seen someone like you before."
Without preamble, he shows his hands to her, empty. Then a quick flick of the wrist, and suddenly he's holding out a tarnished gold ring between his fingers.
"Go on," he says cheerfully. "Take this ring. It's lucky."
Rakha, who has very little context for anything she experiences, has never seen slight-of-hand magic done before, nor is she familiar with the concept of a con man. So she watches this little display and is immediately fascinated. Magic - but with no surge of that visible tapestry around the boy, the network of power that Gale calls the Weave.
How?
"That was a fancy trick," she says slowly.
His eyes narrow and something subtle shifts in his expression, a flash of interest. "You haven't seen anything yet, lady," he says dryly. "Go on - take the ring and watch your fortune change!"
Take the ring.
She takes it and looks at it carefully. There is no magic on the ring either, nothing that she can sense. But the boy looks up at her earnestly as he draws a coin from his pocket. "Call it! Heads or tails."
She blinks at him, puzzled by the question.
Pocket the ring.
"Hey, hold on!" the boy cries at once. "You gotta pay for that!"
She does? She withdraws the ring out of her pocket again and squints at the boy, incredibly baffled by the entire situation.
("The boy seeks to deceive you," Lae'zel says impatiently under her breath. "His magic is mundanity. The ring likely the same."
Wyll sighs. "Be kind, the both of you. He wants to show you a trick, that's all. Let him flip the coin.")
Rakha's eyes narrow. She stands there with the ring sitting on her palm and feels foolish. "It's only a joke," she says slowly after a long silence and trying to sort through the words from her companions. "Go on... flip your coin." If anything, she is curious to learn what that means.
"Real sweet sense of humor you got there, chum." The boy looks as if he's starting to regret his choice of mark, but he presses on gamely. "Anyway, you gotta call before the flip. Heads or tails."
A long pause. "Heads?" Rakha says cautiously.
The boy grins, tosses the coin in the air, catches it, and then shows her the side with the head facing up. "Heads it is!" he crows. "See? That's the kinda luck you get from just one of my lucky rings! I've got more where that came from. Real cheap, too. Interested?"
Rakha is starting to understand the situation now that she has seen it play out, and her lips twitch with irritation. [SORCERER] "If there was magic in this ring, I'd have felt it," she says bluntly. "It's nothing but junk."
The boy flinches and raises his hands defensively. "Not so loud!" he hisses. "You caught me, all right? They're not lucky rings." His eyes grow wide, his expression twisting with sudden, exaggerated pathos. "I'm just... trying to earn money for my family," he whimpers. "My father left and my mother... she's so sick. I wish I had better things to sell than... trinkets, but it's all I have!"
Rakha squints. The shift in tone is abrupt enough that she is certain it's disingenuous and that Lae'zel is right - the boy is making a fool of her. There is nothing of value here.
Wordlessly she shoves the ring back in the boy's face.
Return the ring and leave.
#bjk plays bg3 durge#rakha the dark urge#ok so fundamentally this was not like#a scene with much of a point in rakha's case :P#did give me some thinky thinks though#one reason writing rakha is proving to be interesting is that by going real deep down the you-know-nothing rabbit hole#it often ends up a smidge comedic#and there's a challenging balance to be struck between this and not making her come across like an idiot#because i don't think she is!#she's quick - given information to work with she extrapolates lots of things out of a small amount#and makes rational decisions on how to act on that information#she just has zero context for anything#especially when the situation involves slang; it's kind of fun realizing that (for instance) if you didn't know what heads or tails meant#why would you be able to guess?#tldr using this scene that went nowhere as an excuse to write meta about my own character :P#i honestly really like rakha; she strikes me as someone who is perfectly decent (when the Urge isn't taking control at least)#but blunt and almost purely rationally-driven and needs to be met on her own terms#which so far the companions have been willing to do which is nice
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#minor vent.#i left my home town about 6 years ago#and im kind of sick of some friends and especially family being like oh come visit. come up and visit us we never see you#like are you not perfectly capable of travelling down to see me why is it always on me to make the effort#im about 5 hours away by train and its just like. idk. Annoying#also i havent forgotten the one time a friend of mine just bought a house with her boyfriend and i had just moved to worcester#and i was like yeah you should come see me for a weekend we can hang out#and she didnt because her boyfriend told her. and i quote.#'why would we waste time travelling when we could spend it decorating our new house'#like yea i get it they were excited to have their own house but telling me that spending time visiting me was a waste. Lmfao. Sure#and in the six years ive been away my parents have not once made an effort to come down to see me#when my brother got married he booked a hotel for the guests that did not have enough room for me to stay.#i wouldve had to stay in a separate hotel miles away from everyone else bc he got married in the middle of nowhere#and considering i moved away to get away from them in the first place. i ask u#why should i bother making a fucking effort.
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I wonder what ani and padmé would have been like as parents to Luke and Leia, and later grandparents to Ben. Like I don't have any great developed thoughts on that whole au concept I just do love the thought. Ben has so much impressive family, and a lot of uncles and aunts to look up to. If a lot of things had gone a lot differently, idk how, and padmé and ani got to grow older and stronger together, if Ben were to have his grandfather not only as a legend but as a person to hold him and tell him stories, I wonder what that would have been like.
#what if ben wants really badly to be a knight like his uncle is when hes young bc girls are gross or whatever and hes shy and awkward#so hes pretty sure hes never gonna be with anyone anyway#and then when hes almost 30 he meets rey and he has his oh moment#padmé was quite a bit older than anakin so it looks like ben will be more like his grandmother than he realized#rey actually is a nobody from nowhere bc duh#but despite her lack of etiquette training or politicking she fits in with princess leia like SO well and the fam loves her#especially when they start noticing the changes in ben... cripplingly shy and quiet ben is trying to woo rey and failing adorably#or so it seems. mostly because he doesnt come out and speak his intentions.. sure that a girl like her wouldnt actually want him#never mind that theyre dyads and they share a mind connection. he somehow finds a way to misinterpret her emotional responses#mostly because he has no measure for these things in his own life#but also.. neither does rey. and a lot of new stuff is happening in her life including suddenly having the force and a forcebond#with a prince of the galaxy of all people !! shes got some major imposter syndrome going on#oh maybe its also implied that she will be bens queen because of the forcebond from the time they find out so its SORT OF an arranged#marriage?? and she obviously senses his anxiety and trepidation and he clearly is willing to go through with it.. even trying to court her#but she thinks its better if they dont try bc the force may be saying they have to be together but she believes in making her own choices#and she actually thinks bens a nice guy and a good friend to have. but obviously she says this to him trying to make things better#tells him they should just be friends. she likes him and his family and is so grateful they accepted her but they should get to choose#so ben takes this with grace (lol) and he does agree to be her friend because its better than nothing right and everything about her is just#so captivating to him that he cant help but friendzone himself. but on the way to strengthening their bond and training together they grow#closer and the tension between them coils tightly. so rey TOLD ben they should have a choice and she doesn't want to go back on that#theyre still arranged to be married or perhaps they already are married but living separately. but still she doesnt want to make him think#shes fickle or ruin their friendship because she cant control herself. shes clearly confusing her feelings for his too (shes not)#and ben is majorly confused when he realizes that the affection he feels is returned at long last he doesnt know if he should confront her#or if he should be subtle about it. courting didnt seem to work last time but things are different now. he brings her gifts theres nothing#wrong with that. so he's picked up on gift giving but more personalized? and hes taking her on trips bc she wants to see different worlds#he already reads books about topics that interest her but now he gifts them to her or talks about those topics#and shes so determined to keep it to herself he realizes that he kisses her!! he feels so confident and assured in that moment. he knowswhat#he feels and he knows what she feels. theres no need to hold back any longer. he doesn't want to. ben takes her hand and goes before his#grandparents to ask for their blessing for marriage. everyone is pleased to finally be able to speak freely of them. ben and rey and both#overjoyed. theirs is the biggest most extravagant wedding in the galaxy. moreso than han and leias. everything is perfect
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