Has Vincent ever truly broken down and admitted to having real feelings? Every facade's gotta crack at some point.
Vincent likes to pretend he's uncaring and unempathetic (especially regarding Sera,) but he's surprisingly protective of others, regardless of who they are.
...
...In his own way, of course.
Teehee so I wrote something about this um I never post any written oc stuff so enjoy
Sunlight wafts through the curtains where the couple lay peacefully atop the bed. Nathaniel was finally home from a long shift at the medbay, and Seraphina had decided to take a break from tuning her weapons to stay with him for the day. Birdsong filled the room, and they savored the soft, sleepy embrace they were in; life pried them apart far too much to be wasteful with quiet moments.
Nathaniel pulls her a bit closer, then freezes, mental gears whirring. Seraphina noted the pause right away.
She pries her eyes open to squint at him. “What’s wrong.”
He still has the face on- the face that says he is trying to understand something absurd yet concerning. “I-…” As if trying to prove himself wrong, he feels for her ribs again over her shirt, following the curve as his hands enveloped her torso. Oddly enough, he even motioned to count each one, only to halt in yet another worried pause, lips pressed into a thin line.
Seraphina quietly observed him, raising an eyebrow. “…Hugs exist, Nathaniel. No need to reinvent the wheel with whatever this is."
Nathaniel stops, nonplussed, then he breaks into laughter, forgetting his previous alarm. Success. "Hah... Ahah.. No, it isn’t that…” His face falls back into a placid smile, and he pulls his hands away to sit up beside her.
Blast it all.
“It’s just that… Something is-“ He makes a vague motion with his hands. “-Different with your bone structure, but I wouldn’t be able to tell just what without proper scans.”
She blinked, sitting up to meet his expression. Were they really going to talk about this now? “Ah. Well that was kind of obvious, wasn’t it? I wouldn’t be able to function if I were a normal human with wings slapped on me.” …Was that wrong? Did he have some odd hope dashed regarding her skeleton of all things? Was he weirdly fascinated about skeletons???
He gave her a concerned, humorless grin. “I know that… But… Ser…”
Seriously? He was weirdly fascinated about skeletons?
Seraphina was unimpressed. “I fail to see how this is important at the moment, Nathaniel.” And right when they got some quality time...
Nathaniel didn’t respond. He looked away, his expression unreadable while he softly wrung his hands in thought. …She never liked when he got quiet like this. It always tugged her heart wrong.
Well, whatever it was, it was certainly worrying him to this point. Might as well hear him out. Sera gave his shoulder a light squeeze in an effort to be consolatory. This usually helped, right?
“… I was being... Harsh. What’s wrong, Liebe?”
Nathaniel hugs an arm around her shoulders, keeping her close by. So it’s a hug that works in this situation. Duly noted. She hugs him back, sweeping a wing over his shoulders.
He hums. “I…I don’t think I could practice on you and your brother with the same confidence as before.” He pauses. “All this time, I’ve been working under the assumption that you were just atypicals... But… No common atypicals have genetic variations that run that deep. They usually follow similar ‘rules’, so to speak.”
He drops his gaze to look at her. “I don't know how I've missed this, but I found something entirely different with a cursory check. Which means that I was operating on you with no clue about your bodily composition. All this time.” …Oh. Nathaniel remains ever pensive, even a little guilty.
…That...
"It also means that you've got a more heavily manipulated variation. At least enough to alter things to this point while still retaining humanoid anatomy."
“…I see.” She says, hugging him a little tighter. His face softened a bit, which Seraphina took as a win as she considered his words. This was certainly a cause for concern... But… She also knew Nathaniel had a tendency to bear his responsibilities on himself rather harshly. He was probably beating himself up about it even now.
"You couldn't have known, Nathaniel." She says, trying to keep her tone easy.
He exhales. "That's the point."
Sera rests her cheek against his shoulder. “…Well. Even then. We’re alive, aren’t we?” Something told her this wasn’t the best way to lift his spirits. And she was right- he frowned in record time.
“You’re alive, until the next time you two inevitably get yourselves hurt, that is.” Nathaniel muttered. “What would I do then? Improvise if I encountered a new organ? use my imagination?”
“I doubt it’s to the point that I have new-“
“You doubt, but you don’t know.” He looks at her again. "And I don’t either.”
“…”
“…Can we please take a few scans in my office?”
They remained silent.
…
"...You won't let up about this, will you?"
"It's kind of important, Ser. We can cuddle later."
Seraphina huffed and kicked away the covers. “Never a dull moment…”
Nathaniel followed suit. “Let's be honest, who’d want a dull life, anyhow?”
---
“You aren’t doing shit to her.” Vincent sneered.
Nathaniel sipped some of his tea. Wow. So much for asking him for reference. He decided to waste his breath a little more. “For the nth time Vincent, I’m trying to see how her anatomy works, and that info would be really useful so I-“
Vincent loudly interrupted him. “So you can what, you lanky fuck? see how different you are? Find excuses to— to break her down? Gut her like a fish?”
Sera walked into the room in some light sportswear. "Vincent, what are you talking about-“
“NO.” He snaps at her, then turns back to Nathaniel. "Fuck you, Sasquatch. You. Aren’t. Doing. Shit. To. Her. I’ll make sure of that.” Nathaniel kept watching on as he continued the insults. Hum. Sasquatch was a pretty genius insult, actually.
Seraphina rolls her eyes. “While I appreciate your sudden and unneeded sense of protection, I’ll remind you that Nathaniel is my partner.” She said. “I don’t need your approval. Stop harassing him.”
Vincent rolled his eyes. “You don’t know— You don’t know this. You say it’s okay but then they—” Seraphina interrupts him."There is no they, Vincent. There’s only one person here that will be doing this, and you’ve known Nathaniel for years-“
“I knew them for my whole life.” Vincent balled his fists until his knuckles popped. “My whole life. They only got worse, their ‘questions' became worse, and they never stopped, even though they knew me. There was always a reason to… To…!” He looks down, making a strangling gesture with his snarled hands, eyes filled with emotions she's never seen him express.
“So don’t blame me for seeing this as another obvious excuse. That’s what they all say- that— that they need answers, and then they WRECK you.” Vincent’s usual rasp of a voice almost seemed shaky for a moment.
Nathaniel sets his mug down. "I'm not doing any of those things, Vincent."
"YET."
This was new. It was odd to see any sort of empathy displayed by Vincent, especially towards her of all people. Sera didn’t know what to say. Where were his complaints about her? the out of pocket comments? the impromptu call to something she’s inferior for?
…Why did it almost seem like he cared?
“It should’ve been you." He says between bloodied coughs as she pulled off the last wire relays. He had no more energy to keep fighting, nor stimulants to keep him moving. He sucks in another ragged breath to speak, eyes brimming with pure hatred. "All this time… You got to have everything. Everything, when you should’ve been hacked apart with me. You should've been in hell with me. I wish you were. Then they would have realized you’re nothing special, 02. Nothing worth missing. You’ve always just been a cheap replacement.”
...Right.
Seraphina scowled. There was no way in hell that this cockroach was going to act chummy with her of all things. That bridge was burned the day they met.
“Look, you—“ Sera started to respond, but was met with Nathaniel’s “cut it out” face. Bother. She crossed her arms and let him handle the rhetoric.
“Alright Vincent, are you really convinced that I’ll hurt your sister somehow?” Nathaniel asked, crossing his arms with an odd, almost knowing glint in his eyes. So he did have a plan... But what was it?
“…There’s always an opportunity. ” He said lowly. If looks could kill...
“Fine, how about you stay in the room, then? You’d be able to see firsthand that it’s nothing to worry about.” Nathaniel gave him a bright smile. It was almost enough to make her forget what he just offered. Seraphina glared at him. “What.”
Vincent eyed him, judging him under criteria she couldn’t guess if she tried. “Alright, Sasquatch.”
WHAT.
"If you do something funny I’m destroying your clinic. Then you.”
Nathaniel didn’t hesitate to reply. “Sounds good.”
Sera gripped her crossed arms while Vincent took a seat on the opposite side of the room. Nathaniel grinned at her, shooting her a goofy two-eyed wink.
“Relax, Ser. It’s only some scans, your privacy won’t be violated if he’s there. I'm also making sure my clinic doesn’t get destroyed.” She hated how casual he sounded about this.
“I’m starting to hate your improvisations.” She grumbled.
“You forget that he lives with us.”
—
Vincent was… Honestly surprised after everything was wrapped up. It was like being shocked— no, wrong word— surprised, but in a good way- he didn’t have the term for that feeling yet.
His idiot knockoff was perfectly fine. Sober. Painless. Not even the slightest bit uncomfortable. Possibly a little awkward since he was there, but he had to be there, otherwise-
…
Otherwise…
…Really, what would that beanpole have done?
Vincent really didn’t know what he was so upset about. He did know Nathaniel for a long while, but... He also didn’t know what separated their coats from his. He wouldn’t risk it either way. Ever since the first day he looked into Sasquatch’s eyes, he knew there was something fucked up underneath.
...It didn't sit right with him.
Hell, he didn’t even have a word for a check this boring. Nice words? Gentle handling? No shoving into scanner machines? no electrocution? No VAST tech remotes? Not even the slightest threat or restraint? As Nathaniel promised, she was okay and unmoved as ever, staring at him with the sort of look that said “I told you so.” What she would never know is that he had no grounds to believe him before this. He’s never seen tests like these before.
It was eventually finished in around three hours time. Nathaniel had made a catalogue of important scans, cross-referencing whatever he found with some basic physical inspection that culminated in checking her range of motion, doing a modest external examination, and being overall professional. Vincent thought that being professional meant being extra good at heartlessness, like knowing how to keep working for hours to the sound of blood-curdling screams. Or making deep, precise cuts even when the subject is moving.
...His chest aches.
Vincent was certain that Nate was going to pull out earplugs at some point and was ready to wring his neck like a towel.
...
But he didn't.
He didn't do any of those things.
It was there that Vincent realized another thing. If this was all Sasquatch needed to piece together what was going on inside of her, then why did they do so many procedures to him under the pretense of doing the same? He expected force, vivisection, grueling trials, and humiliation. He expected to see suffering, gritted teeth, and uncaring faces. But none of that was supposed to happen. Only a light exam with happy words, full consent, and a sunlit room.
Vincent felt something overwhelming for a moment- the sort of emotion he would’ve immediately attributed to harrowing jealousy. But no, now he finally found the word for it. The word he never understood how to convey, since he felt it all the time and no one would listen.
Vincent felt hurt; unbelievably so.
Was he just dealt a shit hand at every turn in life? Why couldn’t he have nice things? Why was everything so fucked for him from day one?
Why could no one care?
He realized at that moment, that everything he was forced to learn was a mere casualty.
—
Seraphina stepped out of the scanner’s range and walked up to him. “See, Vincent? There was nothing you needed to break into histrionics about. I’m fi-“ “Shut up.” He cut her off, and shoved a data-port into Nathaniel’s hand. “You’ll find a better use for this.”
Nathaniel briefly looked it over. “What is-“
“You two proved me wrong. Good. I’m out, now.”
Before Nathaniel could even call for him, Vincent was already out of the circular window and speeding between the clouds. A trail of mist was left in his wake until his silhouette was too far to be seen.
Seraphina took the port from Nathan’s hands and observed; on it was a familiar logo- Venus Inc.
The organization that had apparently made them both. Whose existence Vincent loathed acknowledging, even in passing. The ones that nearly got ahold of her too, had she not been taken into hero work.
“Nathaniel.”
Nathan looked back at her, still looking out the window. “Yes?”
“Your insistence on him being there… You knew there was substance to his fear, didn’t you?”
“…More than you would think.” There was something unidentifiable in his eyes. She already knew it meant nothing good.
Sera held his gaze for a moment, then pocketed the port herself. She would have to look into this later. But for now…
She rubbed Nathaniel’s back a little, offering a small smile. “Tell me what you learned from these scans of yours.”
The wave of darkness lightened up a little, and he smiled back. “Well… It’s… I can’t say I know everything yet, but for one your arterial mapping is entirely different.”
Oh.
Oh no. She legitimately could not care less.
He was bursting at the seams to speak about it though. His eyes were twinkling about the wondrous joys of… Anatomical function…?
…Perhaps it would benefit from a tactical perspective…
“Arteries? Do tell.”
"See, when we were still getting to know each other, I patched you up under the assumption that you were an atypical or something of that nature-“ He starts, activating the hologram projector in the ceiling.
“Yes, you’ve said that.” She says, eyeing some of the scan results that come out.
...Hm. Maybe it was a little interesting.
Nathaniel smiles at something, and starts to gesture towards some of the stills. “But in truth-"
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
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i have been doing very important research about a specific HC from izbubbles on twitter and nicktoonsunite on tumblr about danny having episodes where he’ll bleed ectoplasm ( usually in the form of vomiting ) and i’d been wanting to do a take on this HC for awhile now, but i wanted to make sure i was educated enough before doing so. so i spent all day yesterday researching both actual blood disorders and also paranormal ectoplasm. hurray me.
and i haven’t actually posted anything on this acc in literal ages, but i wanted to share it just in case the DP fandom was at all interested in what i have to offer. it’s not all 100% factual, but it’s a series where a guy can turn into a ghost whenever he wants. cut me some slack on inconsistencies or stuff that’s just blatantly incorrect.
anyway, enough dilly dallying. izzy’s original HC is pretty straightforward: danny can get a build-up of ectoplasm when he doesn’t transform for awhile and will have episodes where he vomits up the excess, and while i’m not opposed to that, i don’t want to outright copy their neat idea. so, i’ve actually made up two different terms for my danny HC: “ghost hemophilia” and “ghost anemia,” essentially copying the naming scheme of ghost acne.
however, before i can get into that, i want to talk about how i think ectoplasm could possibly work in the DP universe.
now, it acts an awful lot like human blood does, but obviously ghosts don’t really need to have blood like humans do. ectoplasm, in the paranormal sense, is what allows ghosts to interact with the physical world. in the DP universe, i think ectoplasm does just that, but if they run out of it, then they’ll be unable to interact with the physical world ( “ghost anemia” would be the term used here; essentially it’s just a ghost’s lack of ectoplasm causing them issues in interacting with the physical world: they still can, but they’ll become intangible at random intervals ).
now we’ll move onto plasma, which is the liquid part of our blood. it’s where our red and white blood cells and platelets are, and i think it would work similarly in ghosts, though it holds the components that allow ghosts to interact with the physical world instead ( and in danny’s case, probably red and white blood cells and platelets as well, seeing as he’s still capable of getting sick, but he’s also just a biological mystery in general, so take that with a grain of salt ). a deficiency in plasma causes hemophilia, and hemophilia causes copious amounts of bleeding from even minor wounds due to a deficiency in platelets being unable to clot the wound. a deficiency in plasma in ghosts could cause “ghost hemophilia,” which then could cause “ghost anemia.”
tl;dr plasma deficiency in ghosts causes “ghost hemophilia,” which causes any minor wounds sustained to excessively bleed, and thus causes “ghost anemia,” which makes it difficult for ghosts to remain tangible.
plasma ( paranormal ): keeps together all of the components allowing ghosts to remain tangible.
ghost hemophilia: excessive leaks in ectoplasm from wounds.
ghost anemia: an occurrence where a ghost will struggle to remain tangible when there is a deficiency in ectoplasm.
ectoplasm: a ghost’s “blood.” allows the ghost to remain tangible in the human world.
i think i’ve simplified the terms best as i can! what does this mean for danny, though? since he has both human and ghost DNA? well, this is the rocky part, since danny is such a biological discrepancy, but with the ghost acne episode, i’m lead to believe that half-ghosts are able to have one issue in one form but not the other ( that example being vlad having ghost acne as a human but not as a ghost ).
danny having a plasma deficiency could be caused by transforming too quickly after fights and not allowing his ghost form to fully recover the lost ectoplasm, causing that plasma deficiency, which will then domino into the other ectoplasm disorders i’ve explained! so, what does that mean for danny’s human form? well, while vlad had ghost acne as a human, it still affected his ghost form to a certain degree, i.e. making him weaker. ghost acne is lethal, however, and ghost hemophilia and anemia are not ( at least not to a ghost they aren’t ). danny’s ghost form having ghost hemophilia can cause sudden bleeding from different orifices in human danny’s body ( eyes, nose, ears, mouth ) and while harmless on its own, it is a very notable issue, because when he transforms again, he’ll struggle to remain tangible. if it’s an especially bad episode, he could completely bleed out and experience “second death,” which is essentially a ghost becoming completely unable to interact with the physical world, only heard through speech.
because danny is such an oddity, i want to say having an episode where ectoplasm bleeds into his human form will force a transformation and give him an episode i haven’t actually named just yet ( i’m thinking maybe “ghost down” ). his physical body will become more or less a “husk” and still excrete ectoplasm. because of a forced transformation, it will cause what looks like a complete freak out and like danny’s in pain when he’s actually not; he actually can’t feel anything, which emulates a “second death” but isn’t actually what’s occurring. he doesn’t reach second death until his ectoplasm is completely gone and he starts fading through things.
i’ll try to explain it in more simple terms, just in case i lost the plot a little there: if danny doesn’t let his ghost form recover lost ectoplasm, then he will have a “ghost down,” caused by a plasma deficiency that triggers ghost hemophilia and anemia. if he has a ghost down, he goes into an almost comatose state where he’ll continuously lose ectoplasm until he experiences second death and start fazing through things.
now, how does danny recover ectoplasm? his body will naturally do so. because ghosts are still sort of an enigma in the scientific world of DP, that means the knowledge they have on them is pretty limited, so unless i start coming up with things the fentons could potentially do, i’ll just say his body will naturally recover it. how to keep him contained when he’s experiencing ghost down? well, we’ve seen numerous occasions where ghosts have been locked down with anti-tangible equipment, danny himself included. the fentons ( since they know his identity by the end of the series ) could possibly make something specifically for danny when he has a ghost down. sort of like a containment area where ghosts can’t faze through it. sorta like the cage we saw during one of the dani episodes, i believe. the one jack got stuck in, actually.
when ghost down occurs, danny just sorta has to ride it out in the containment area, and the chance of experiencing second death is high but not always guaranteed.
i think i’ve mostly gotten everything i wanted to write out here??? obviously forgive any inconsistencies or things that don’t make sense. i have more where i have most of this stuff written down and thought through, but i did eventually start thinking of things as of writing this post. i’ll probably write a fic about this in the future honestly?? i’m not sure. i haven’t written one of those in literal ages. feel free to share any opinions you might have about this and whatnot. i’m not the most brilliant of writers, but hopefully some of this is of interest to some of you. peace. ♡
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