#especially since love is a cowboy is one of my favorite songs on subject to change

[seeinganewlight]

when i couldn't sleep last night i finally ordered the kelsea ballerini "love is a cowboy" shirt that i've wanted since subject to change was released 🤣

[harrysblues]

Eye Patch

The one in which Harry's kids get scared when their father gets hurt on stage.

.....................................................................................………

When Harry and Y/N's twins started to grow into toddlers, the couple quickly noticed that their youngest struggled to control her eye. That's why they didn't waste any time, and sooner rather than later, three-year-old Lena was wearing an eye patch to try to fix her strabismus.

The process of getting her used to wearing it was long and exhausting for Harry and Y/N, and they tried very hard to make it fun, buying eye patches with different shapes and designs. Their other twin, Harvey, was the most supportive of his sister, and he offered to wear matching eye patches with her whenever she was self-conscious about wearing it in public.

Harry and Y/N's twins might be toddlers, but they love and understand each other like no one else, and that fascinates their parents. Besides, the couple has tried so hard to make them understand that they are loved and supported no matter what, and it is very important to express their feelings with each other.

"Daddy do we have good seats for your concert tomorrow?" Harvey asks suddenly during their daily family dinner.

"Of course, my boy. The best in the house, always!" Harry answers, furrowing his brows. "Why do you ask, baby? You know you always get the best".

"I know, daddy!" His son answers playfully. "But it's the first time sissy is going to the concert with her eye patch, and I want her to have the best time".

Harry and Y/N can swear that their hearts melted when those words left their son's mouth.

"Oh," says Lena. "Daddy, I'm going to see you singing, right? You are going to be so far away, I need to see you".

Lena has always been a very anxious baby, and the family had, and still is, dealing with some heavy separation anxiety from her. The eye issue only added to this, and it has been hard for the couple to manage.

"Don't get nervous, my best girl" Harry tried to comfort her. "You three will have the best seats in the venue, and the important thing is to have fun! You see me every day, and I'm available always".

This seems to cheer her up, and the family moves on from this topic to talk about school. Sudden changes in conversation subjects are very common in the house, and Harry and Y/N can't lie and say they don't love it when their kids bring up things they want to tell their parents. Seeing them interact is one of their favorite things ever since they started to talk.

Dinner finished, and the kids were put to bed with a story read by Y/N and their song, Love of my life, sung by their father. It was not an easy thing to do like it usually is because they were too excited about their concert the next day. Even though Harry has toured for a while after they were born, this is the first time his twins are in the audience, watching him perform. Before this second leg of Love On Tour, they stayed backstage with Y/N and whoever would watch over them while Harry was putting on a show.

However, not long ago the twins started to feel more curious and understand more about their parent's, especially Harry's, lifestyle. That is the reason why they have let them watch the concerts whenever they show any interest about it.

The next day came by very quickly, and now the kids are getting ready with Y/N while Harry is rehearsing and putting together the outfit for tonight.

Lena has decided to wear a silver sparkly skirt that matches her cowboy hat paired with a t-shirt with a red heart in the middle, and Harvey is wearing bell jeans paired with a matching t-shirt with her sister and a royal blue boa. Y/N has let them choose their outfits, wanting them to have the most freedom possible, and she has to say she is quite proud of what they have come up with.

Unfortunately, the family didn't have enough time to wish Harry good luck like they usually would have, seeing that there had been an outfit malfunction, according to Harry Lambert, and the whole band was running late. This upset the kids for two minutes, and then Y/N suggested a face time call with Harry.

"Hi, my babies. I'm so sorry I can't see you before the show" He says with a pout on his face. "I promise I'll blow you a kiss from the stage, and give you lots of cuddles when I finish" Y/N can see the sadness on his face, knowing that he is upset he is not going to be able to get his good luck kiss and cuddle from his two favorite people.

"Don't worry daddy", says Lena. "Harvs and I just wanted to show you our outfits that mummy let us choose by ourselves!".

"Oh, isn't that right baby girl? Can you do a little twirl for daddy?" he says getting his face as close to the screen as possible, squinting his eyes to try to see his precious daughter in the most detail possible. "Daddy really wants to see your outfits".

The family spent the next thirty minutes following Harry around, from the make up chair to his changing room and everything, through his phone, until the moment it was time for him to change into his chosen outfit and get in the box.

"Okay babies, I need to go get ready", he tells them sounding way too devastated for him to be seeing them in less than fifteen minutes. "I'll see you on stage okay? Try to raise your hands the highest, sing the loudest, and have the most fun for me".

The kids promised to do all of that before blowing him multiple kisses and hanging up. They needed to get to their seats right now if they wanted to avoid getting swarmed by some fans. They are usually very polite and nice to Y/N, and especially the kids, but Y/N doesn't want to risk it without Harry there to help her.

They got there safely, and the twins, who are seated on each side of you, are happy to see that their father was right and that they have extremely good seats. They will be able to see their father without a problem.

"Mummy it's starting!" Harvey shrieks when the lights go out and the intro visuals start playing. "Oh my god mummy, I'm so excited!" Y/N never gets tired of how excited he gets every time he sees his dad in concert, it is always as if it was the first time.

Lena clings to your arm from the other side of you, her excitement for the concert to start being silent compared to her brother's. Y/N starts shouting and jumping with excitement as well, making her children copy her and start singing the songs. They also notice that Harry's outfit matches his children's, so that makes them shout even louder.

Harry doesn't take long to find them and when he sends a kiss to his family, the "Muah" that goes with his kiss is heard in the whole arena, making everyone aww.

"Mummy daddy can see us!" Both of the twins exclaim, shocked their father can see them from the stage. "If I send him a kiss will he see me?" Lena asks, genuinely curious.

You don't know how to answer because Harry is constantly moving on stage, so it would be very easy for him to miss his daughter trying to blow him a kiss. Nonetheless, Lena doesn't wait for her mothers approval and blows a kiss towards the stage.

Unbeknownst to Y/N, Harry had been watching the whole interaction, and he didn't hesitate to take her daughter's kiss in the air and put it in his back pocket, making Lena squeal.

The concert goes as expected, and Y/N and the twins are having so much fun. Besides, Y/N is quick to notice that, distracted from the excitement, Lena hasn't once complained about the eye patch she has been in fact wearing in public. That is a huge achievement.

Y/N had planned to leave the seats and go backstage right before kiwi so they wouldn't have trouble getting there later. Nevertheless, a gasp distracts her from dancing carefree to one of the last songs of the concert.

"Mummy something happened to daddy", Lena says with concern in her voice. "Mummy someone threw something at daddy" She repeated, starting to tear up.

This makes Harvey notice how his father is rubbing his eye, and keeping it closed for way too long, making him worry and start clinging to his mum as well.

Both kids start full-on sobbing when they see their father unable to open his eye on stage, constantly rubbing it and trying to block the light from his eyes. Y/N hadn't seen the object, and she definitely doesn't want to ask her kids, so she is unable to assess the gravity of the situation. The only thing she is able to do is to take both of her kids in her arms and carry them backstage.

Once they get there she sits the kids on the sofa and dries their tears, trying to comfort them. "My babies don't cry"; she coos. "Daddy is the strongest person in the world, I'm sure he is fine. It just took him by surprise!"

This last sentence seems to calm the three-year-old twins, and they end up cuddling their mother, soft whines coming from them from time to time, sleepy eyes from all the tears getting hard for them to open.

The kids jump when they hear the door open, and when Harry goes straight to the bathroom instead of greeting them, they immediately start sobbing again. Harry hears them from the inside, and he is quick to open the door once he has checked his eye, and get to his babies as soon as possible.

"Oh my, sweet things", he says, quickly kneeling next to them and being almost pushed to the floor by the force his kids hugged him with. "What's happened? Did you not enjoy the show? Was it too loud?"

The kids don't respond, and Harry keeps rubbing their backs and kissing their tears away, unaware and completely clueless about what has made his sweethearts so upset.

"Daddy, someone hurt your eye!" Harvey exclaims with anger. "You are hurt, daddy". Harry's heart breaks with how upset he is.

"There is nothing to worry about, sunshine", he explains. "Daddy got hurt for a moment, but now I just need an ice eye patch to make the sting go away. I'll be perfect again in an hour".

"Eye patch?", his daughter perks up at the comment. "We match again?"

"Yeah baby, I'm going to match with the prettiest princess in the world", he tells her soflty.

"But mummy is the prettiest princess in the world", she fights back playfully.

"No no no, mummy is a queen", he clarifies turning to his wife. "Your mummy is the prettiest and most gorgeous queen in the entire planet".

"I agree", both of their kids say at the same time. "And then Harvey is the prettiest prince, and you are the prettiest king", finishes Lena, making Harry give her the biggest kiss on the cheek.

"That is right", Y/N answers while sitting down close to her family. "We are all beautiful and special in our own ways, isn't that right?".

"This deserves a big family hug for daddy to heal his eye, don't you think?", Harvey suggests, making Harry smile and hug his kids even closer. Y/N gets in the hug, giving Harry a passionate kiss and a knowing smile, she is sure that they are both thinking the same thing.

Their family is perfect, and they are the happiest they have ever been.

................................................................................................

I really hope you like this one guys! The response I have gotten with my first post has been insane, and now I feel very inspired to post my work. You can send requests for me to write, and don't forget to like and reblog! THANK YOU SO MUCH <3

[000png]

okay i listened to the album here are my opinions

disclaimer: i’m not a music expert by any means, just a carat enjoying some music, and this is all subjective!!!!

so my overall impression of the album is that this is the first time in a long while that i can kind of feel seventeen going out of their comfort zone. mainly because of the title track, but that then seeps into the rest of their songs and overall defines what each era “sounds” like to me. it’s nothing insane or out there but it definitely feels more impactful than some of their more recent releases, which have mostly felt very “safe” in the sense that even if they were good they kind of blend in with one another after a while

soooo with that said i find face the sun a very interesting album to listen to!! i definitely enjoyed most of it and it’s probably my favorite album since heng:garae, so with that let’s go into the songs themselves

Darl+ing

you already know my opinion on this one hahaha. she’s still cute, the song has definitely grown on my since its pre-release, but yeah i still stand by my previous statement where there isn’t any uumph or whatever to the song falls off at the chorus despite having something of a buildup. aka one of the songs that feels a bit too much like a “safe” play by seventeen

HOT

definitely a dare i say edgy song for a seventeen title track HAHA. this being the title track is actually the main reason this album gives me the impression of seventeen finally starting to edge out of their comfort zone (pun unintended) 

overall i liked it, but it sort of has the same problem as darl+ing (and a lot of their songs actually) where i absolutely love everything except the chorus, which kinda sucks because especially for a title that should really be the highlight of the song. despite being catchy i think the chorus almost. ruins the song adjlkadsf particularly the first part where they basically just chant “hot” over and over

but ohhhhhhhh god every other part of the song more than makes up for it, the first 40 seconds had me frothing at the mouth. i haven’t watched the mv/choreo yet but definitely looking forward to watching those!!

DON QUIXOTE

to be honest i was kind of disappointed with this one but mostly because it was one of the ones i was looking forward to the most after the highlight melody. i like the overall melody and feel but it doesn’t go anywhere; the whole song feels fairly flat without any significant variations in beat/melody/etc. it’s not bad but it just makes it kind of not memorable to me

March

HOLYYYYY FUCKDAJFJDKSLF WHEHN THEY ASKLJWEN EHWNE THW HSADFH CAME IN WITH THE GUITAR AND OHHHHHHHH MYG ODJASDKL DFS NAND TAND THE NT EHTHE HASDJFK TWHEN THYE AJSKDFL HOLYS THFJKC JKLASFDL LIKE A COWBOY AKDJSFF JKALDSFL YEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Domino

i like it! don’t have any particular remarks on it, i think it’s one of those songs that i simply enjoy but don’t really think anything more of it. i think it’ll definitely grow on me more too, i really love the chorus which is saying something since clearly a lot of choruses have been lacking for me HAHAHA it feels like one of those songs you start unconsciously dancing to while it plays in the background

Shadow

another song i really like, i think it feels the most “classic seventeen” out of all the songs in this album but in a good way!!! it scratches all the itches i usually look for in a seventeen song, and i think another song that becomes more addicting the more you listen to it. the kind of song you blast while driving along the coast on the highway, which are some of the best kinds of songs. also scoups/dino rap verse in this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

‘bout you

she’s perfect!!!!!! also feels very classic seventeen and idk what they’re called exactly but all the adlibs in the back especially the one at 0:09 throughout the song are just *chefs kiss*. this is the song you blast while having a good time with friends

IF you leave me

i saw a lot of people talking about this one but i’m honestly not into ballads so idk what to say about it lmao. all the harmonies/overlapping vocals are a really nice touch but i think i prefer some of their other ballads more. this one might grow on me though, as all of their ballads inevitably do

Ash

i honestly liked this song a lot more than i thought i would LMAOOO but i think i would have liked it a lot more if they just toned down on the autotune a bit ajdfklasdjf like whatever level vernon’s verse was which i LOVED he always kills it in these types of songs

overall final rankings:

March

‘bout you

Shadow

Domino

DON QUIXOTE

Ash

HOT

darl+ing

IF you leave me

edit: after some more listening i’m gonna keep the rankings but they are kinda in tiers which are:

March / `bout you / Shadow / Domino

DON QUIXOTE / Ash

HOT / darl+ing / IF you leave me

[metalandmagi]

Summer 2019 Anime Worth Watching

Summer is here, and with it brings another new season of anime! In case you’re feeling lost and want to find some new shows to pass the time, here’s some of the anime I think are worth checking out...because some really good shows tend to fly under the radar. I think there’s some genuinely interesting stuff this season, so hopefully you’ll find something you like too. 

I also have a Winter list and a Spring list and a fall list now!

And here’s my master list for 2020

New Shows!

Given: A *cough* BL *cough* romance anime in which tsundere highschool guitarist Ritsuka Uenoyama is on the verge of losing his passion for music when he stumbles upon the sleepy-eyed Mafuyu Sato who constantly carries a guitar around that he doesn’t know how to play. Drama and musical shenanigans ensue. This was by far my most anticipated show of the season, because I happen to have read a few chapters of this manga and liked it a lot. The only reason I stopped was because I wanted to hear the music in this music oriented story...so naturally the anime makes me very happy. Not only is it sweet and cute with great animation, but it’s also hilarious. Sato is also basically a human incarnation of a lost puppy, and you just help but fall in love with him and the other characters! AND NOW WE HAVE TWO GAY MUSIC SHOWS THIS SEASON! 

Dr. STONE: An action adventure anime that takes place 3,700 years in the future after the world is struck with a mysterious phenomenon that turns the entire human race to stone. Our protagonists: the genius, scientific minded Senku Ishigami and the muscle-y comic relief Taiju Oki, must find a way to rebuild civilization and turn humanity back to normal using the POWER OF SCIENCE! It’s fun, good looking, and way more interesting than I thought it would be. I’m not very attached to the main characters yet, although it’s still early. I’m mainly sticking around for the plot, the comedy, and the answers to the crazy amount of questions I have after watching the first episode!

Fire Force: An action/drama where super powered fire fighters must protect Tokyo from people who are spontaneously combusting while our hero Shinra must find out who started the fire that killed his mother. More than anything, I’d say this show is definitely worth watching for the cinematography and action because almost every second has been high flying dynamic animation that really grips you. It reminds me a lot of Soul Eater, the story and characters have a lot of potential, and you know an anime will be good when the girls have muscles too!

If it’s for My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord: Can you tell it’s based on a light novel? A slice of life set in a fantasy world where an adventurer named Dale stumbles upon an adorable lost little girl in the woods, who happens to be branded as a criminal. So of course Dale basically adopts her and tries to find out how she came to be with him. It’s basically fantasy School Babysitters without the tragic depth to it (but there’s room for potential). Yes, this is definitely the most wholesome show of the season, but it’s to be expected considering it’s basically Japan’s latest attempt to get people to have more babies. Personally, the most interesting aspect of this show is the fact that Dale and his “daughter” can’t speak the same language. Unfortunately, the light novel ends up pulling a Bunny Drop...so I sincerely hope the anime doesn’t try the creepy romance factor. So for now, if you feel like puking up some rainbows, give this one a try. 

To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts: An action drama where, during a civil war, one side used “forbidden technology” to enhance their soldiers and basically turn them into badass monsters. The only problem: the soldiers who were turned start to lose their humanity and end up killing humans for the fun of it. Now our protagonist must hunt down his fellow soldiers and kill them before it’s too late. Honestly, this show has some pacing issues and can be a bit stilted in terms of its character interactions, but what kept me watching was the last 5 minutes of the first episode. I was so not prepared for the roller coaster that was the first episode’s ending, and now I’m extremely intrigued. Besides it’s made by MAPPA so I would at least give it a couple episodes to see if it’s for you.   

Vinland Saga: The story of a young boy named Thorfinn’s journey to become a great warrior and while the adults deal with going to war. IT’S THE ONE WITH THE VIKINGS!!! It basically feels like a darker, grittier viking version of Moana. I’ve heard literally nothing but praise for this manga for so many years that my hopes skyrocketed as soon as I heard Wit was doing the adaption. And it has definitely lived up to the hype so far! It’s a great action historical drama to fill the void after Dororo. The only problem is no one will watch it because it’s on Amazon Prime.

Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga: A fun brightly colored historical anime about the famous warlord Nobunaga when he was a young teenager. I honestly don’t know what the tone of this anime is going to be from here on out, because it’s going to go from “fun thieving shenanigans with pretty boys” to leading people into battle, but it got me interested. I know putting Nobunaga in an anime isn’t exactly original, but this one seems like a fun ride...and it looks gay as fuck. 

And I have to shout out some that haven’t premiered yet...just in case...

Try Knights: This one doesn’t come out until the end of July, but you bet your ass I’m going to be watching it because it’s an original anime about PRETTY BOYS PLAYING RUGBY! And I have a feeling it’s going to be very... different from the other resident rugby anime All Out. 

Yokai Ningen BEM (Humanoid Monster BEM): Okay, this one’s not out yet either, but the trailer had a really cool vibe to it, so I’m including it anyway. It’s a remake of the 1968 anime in which a group of yokai who look like humans fight crime in the big city. If nothing else, the music is cool, and it’s made by Production I.G, so why not?

*UPDATE* The first episode finally dropped, and holy crap I’m so into this. It’s basically Durarara mixed with Psycho Pass mixed with Bungo Stray Dogs. The first episode has me completely hooked!

Next seasons and continuations!

As always there are some leftovers from the spring season that are continuing into the summer that I highly suggest!

Carole and Tuesday: The musical sci-fi anime directed by Shinichiro Watanabe wherein a rich runaway named Tuesday meets a streetwise girl named Carole, and the two decide to start a band together. Now Carole and Tuesday must rise to stardom in a world dominated by android created music. It was by far my favorite new show of the spring, and if you can find a way to watch it (because it’s still not available legally anywhere aside from Japanese Netflix apparently) I wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s got the best and most diverse music I’ve seen in an anime in a long time, an interesting setting (apparently it takes place in the Cowboy Bebop universe!?), and very well rounded fun characters. And I'm dying for a soundtrack release with all the songs!!!!

Fruits Basket 2019: Yes, the remake of the classic 2001 anime in which a girl moves in with a family who can turn into animals from the zodiac is getting a full run. And thank God because I just can’t say goodbye to it after only 12 episodes. It is so stunningly beautiful in both animation and story subjects that I don’t know what I would do without it. The characters feel so much more fleshed out, and I feel like I learn a lesson about life each week even though I already know most of what’s going to happen. If you never watched the original because thought you were too “cool” to watch a shoujo anime, give it a chance. Because if you think it’s just a generic love triangle romance show, you couldn’t be more wrong. The reboot is so good at portraying different kinds of love and how the presence of love and family can change lives AND IT’S JUST SO FREAKING GOOD! 

Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba: In case you missed Ufotable’s newest project, this is a shounen anime that follows a young boy named Tanjiro and his sister Nezuko who has been possessed by a demon and their journey to turn Nezuko back to normal while fighting demons along the way. I still feel like this is a pretty basic shounen anime story wise, but I really like the characters, especially the villains. It has some of the coolest fighting/power mechanics I’ve seen in awhile, and the animation is very cool and different!

Ace of Diamond act 2: Our favorite shounen baseball anime is continuing into the summer. And I have very mixed feelings about this season so far. We are getting some fun new characters and some great scenes with the team, but the games are very...choppy and rushed. Apparently this is how it goes down in the manga, and we’re in for some good Sawamura development...but it’s still touch and go for me personally.  

That’s it for now. Most of these are available on Crunchyroll, except Vinland Saga, Carole and Tuesday, and Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga. Since Try Knights and Yokai Ningen BEM aren’t out yet, I don’t know where they will be available legally. 

See you next season!

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Freddie’s 40th birthday; Freddie Mercury x reader

*Author’s note*

In honor of the legend’s 74th birthday, as apart of my Rock Angel series, I have written up this little filler chapter centered around Freddie’s birthday. It’s unbelievable that had he lived today, we would’ve been celebrating his 74th bday. But as it is said in the Sandlot ‘Heroes get remembered, but legends never die’. Happy birthday Freddie Mercury, wherever you are, know that you are loved and are continued to be loved by generations of people that are just getting to know you or people that have followed/known you when you were alive.

Enjoy my lovelies and until the next update :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@queensdivas​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@platawnic​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@klausidiot​

@onebigfangirlworld​

@naturalswifty89​

@starswin​

@dj-lowkey​

@isabella-bby​

@bohemiansweede​

@5sos-wdw​

@labessieisallama​

____________________________________________________________

*Sept. 7th, 1986*

I was looking myself over in the mirror seeing how my cowgirl hat looked.  It wasn’t anything fancy just a simple leather khaki hat that belonged to mum who gave it to me just for this party.  I brushed the ends of my hair before Jack came in wearing his Indiana Jones hat.

“Look at you my little cowgirl.”

“Now don’t you dare say something naughty or else you’re going to get it.” Jack faked a gasp.

“How dare you suggest I’d say such a thing.”

“Please Jack. You may look all sweet and innocent but even you can go Freddie Mercury dirty. Or worse Deacy leveled of rottenness.”

“Never did I think he could think such thoughts.”

“You do realize that his first song Misfire was all about pre-ejaculation right?”

“Okay subject change please!” I shoved him and said.

“You started it.”

“Nu-uh!”

“Oh shut it you. Now remind me again why you didn’t want to wear a cowboy hat?”

“You know what those hats do to me. Plus….” He stroked the rim of his Indie hat, “this makes me look cooler.” His brow quirked as he smirked in the mirror trying to be sexy (which he was but I’ll never admit that out loud).

“But then we could’ve been a matching set at the party. Fred would’ve been all gushed up about it.”

“You know this day is about him right?”

“Correction two days ago was all about him. This is his birthday party. Thankfully it won’t be as crazy as last years. Yeesh. I still don’t remember how Roger and I ended up in that closet together.”

“Let alone with your shirt over his face.”

“Oh god yeah that—most awkward thing ever. But I think I recall saying something like ‘it’s too hot in this hellhole for me!’ Or some random thing like that. At least that’s what Deacy said he heard. God we had sooo much tequila that night. Never again.”  He chuckled and wrapped his arm around me and pecked my cheek.

“Yeah cause I wouldn’t want to think that my wife was screwing around with her father figure.”

“EWW! Now that is something I know that not even drunk me would do. Why put that image into my brain oh god JACK!!!” he laughed as I began hitting his arm.  

“Ow! Okay! Okay I’m sorry!”

“You better be. Now what time is it?”

“6:40.”

“Shit we better get going!” I grabbed his hand and we took off out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

In the living room our sitter Derek aka ‘Dancing man’ Anderson, who was also one of my roadies on tour, was already feeding our daughter.

“Okay Derek, we’re heading out. Again thank you soo much for volunteering to babysit for me. Normally I wouldn’t ask you to do this much…….”

“Relax (Y/n). I’ve had 3 kids so I know how this works. Thankfully I was in the neighborhood. Plus I get the chance to see the kid before the rest of the roadies do.” I shook my head at him.

Derek had been one of my first roadies ever since I became the Rock Angel.  He was about the same age as Roger was and if I’m being honest, he’s kinda like Roger in a way.  In fact if I remember correctly it was Roger’s roadie Crystal that recommended Derek to me.  He’s great with electronics and lighting and he’s basically the ringleader since he’s the only one of my original team that has stuck with me for the past five years.

“Okay so her bottles are in the fridge and I’ve laid out instructions on how to warm them up. Her bedtime is in two hours, and her favorite story is ‘Oh the places you’ll go’. And ohh I know I’m forgetting something.”

“Angel, relax. I’ve got this. Jack gave me the full rundown about an hour ago while you were deciding on your hat. Give my birthday regards to Fred.”

“We will. Thanks again Derek.” Jack said as the two of them shook hands with each other.

“No prob, you two kids have fun. And don’t worry mini Angel will be safe and sound.”

“Alright, bye baby girl. Mummy loves you.” I leaned down and pecked my daughter’s cheek repeatedly then Jack came down and kissed the top of her head which was starting to sprout my hair color and told her.

“Daddy loves you too sweetheart.” Jack and I picked up our gifts for Freddie and we walked out the door and headed to the car.

To my surprise Jack actually offered to drive to Freddie’s place at Garden Lodge.  I looked at him surprised and switched seats with him and I must admit I’m surprised that he’s managed to get driving in England down.

“Wow Jack I must say, you’ve really adapted to our way of driving, haven’t yah?”

“Well seeing you guys drive all the time kinda helped me out a bit more. Plus those old driving lessons from Deacy also helped as well.”

“So I got to ask. American style of driving or UK style of driving.”

“Oh American hands down. I still fear that I’m gonna ram into someone driving on this side of the road.”

“Guess we both feel that way. When your cousin Jensen gave me my first car driving lessons, I was terrified beyond belief. Not only was it something totally different, but also just driving on the side of the road that I’ve never driven on. But you’re doing good baby. I’m proud of you.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said.

“Hey now, no need to get frisky. I’m the one behind the wheel here.”

“You are just full of snappy comebacks today aren’t yah?” he grinned at me and continued to drive on.

After a while we finally arrived at Freddie’s place just ten minutes past 7.  Jack parked the car just a few yards away from the entrance of Garden Lodge and the two of us walked hand in hand towards the entrance.  I pressed the buzzer at the gate and that’s when Jim’s voice came on the intercom and he said.

‘Hello?’

“Hey Jim it’s Jack and (Y/n). We made it.”

‘Ahh the Kline couple, come right on in.’ the gate let out a buzz and Jack opened the door and tipped his hat just like Indiana Jones as he did his best Harrison Ford impression.

“My lady.”

“Why thank you Dr. Jones.” I said in my best Southern accent before walking right on in and he followed behind me.

We walked across the front garden and I couldn’t help but admire the flowers that grew down the runway towards the house.  We walked up the steps and Jack knocked on the door and soon answering the door wearing a pink boa with an angel halo on top of his head was the Queen himself, Freddie Mercury.

“Well about fucking time you two got here. I was beginning to think you both skipped out on me.”

“Please Fred. If we wanted to, you’d never let us hear the end of it.” I teased him.  He chuckled and smiled that wide smile of his before extending his arms out and the two of us hugged and kissed each other.

“And Jack. Handsome and dashing as ever.” Freddie praised.

“Thanks Fred.” Jack blushed.

“And a couple’s costume at that. I swear I think you two will upstage me. And I’m supposed to be the birthday boy here.”

“Oh well Fred actually we’re not doing a couple’s costume. At least not anymore we aren’t.”

“Oh well then Jack what kind of hat is this supposed to be?” Fred said as he stroked the rim of Jack’s Indiana Jones hat.

“Wow and I thought you would’ve at least seen at least one of the films. This is an Dr. Indiana Jones hat.”

“A doctor you say, well what the fuck kind of doctor wears that kind of hat?”

“He’s also an archeologist that goes on adventures Fred.” I explained to him.  Freddie ahhed in understandment.

“Okay now I see. Well besides all that, come on in my darlings the party’s just beginning.” Fred opened the front door wider and allowed Jack and I to enter inside.

And amazingly while there were a lot of people there, it wasn’t as full crazed as his birthday party last year.  It was mellow, quieter, people making small talk amongst friends.  It was a nice change for once (especially after the after party for the Magic tour).

The party went on and as Fred and I stood side by side of each other looking out at the other party guests I turned to him and said.

“You know I’m really surprised Fred. You really mellowed out.”

“Well darling the older you get, the less of a party animal you become. Even the champ must lose at one point.”

“All these metaphors and old saying you’ve been saying throughout this past year, I swear Fred you should be a philosopher.”

“As great as some of their sayings are, they’d be boring to meet in real life. And dear I refuse to be boring.” He playfully dipped my hat forward covering my eyes.  I groaned and playfully shoved him as I readjusted my hat.

That’s when I noticed a band on his right ring finger.

I took his hand and held it and looked up at him and asked him intrigued.

“And just what is this Fred?”

“Oh wouldn’t you like to know.” Fred teased me.

“C’mon Fred. You know as well as I that this ring isn’t like any of the old concert rings you used to wear ten years ago. So out with it.” Fred looked around before clasping my hand with his and he dragged me off upstairs where we would have some privacy.

We made it to his master suite and there I saw Delilah and Goliath both sunning themselves on the bed.

“It’s from Jim.” Freddie spoke softly as he stared down at th ring lovingly. “He gave it to my just before everyone got here. A sorta—one year anniversary present. I would wear it on my left hand if I could but—you know how people are these days when it comes to relationships. Especially with mine.”

I walked up to him and cupped his face between my hands.  He and I stared at each other and I said to him.

“I’m happy for you Fred. Truly I am. And hell if it were up to me, I’d have you and Jim married tonight if you both wanted to.”

“I know you would darling.” He very gingerly pinched my cheek.

“And……people can be bastards. They think that sexual relationships have to be in a straight fashion. Even Johanna and Graham thought that way. Any trace of homosexuality, they’d treat them as if they were scum of the scum. They’d even tried to brainwash me into believing it as well. But thankfully I have more common sense than them or anyone else that thinks that way. Love is Love. As long as two people are happy and in love with each other, so long as they are of legal age, then it doesn’t matter.” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“A lioness with a heart of gold. Your parents would be proud of you darling.” He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Who knows maybe one day the world can change and have people of the same sex get married. And when that day comes, I’ll be right there at your side as your Maid of honor.” Freddie softly smiled and said.

“I’ll let you plan the whole thing out if you want.”

“Good cause you know I’ve got some suggestions.”

“You did learn from the best.”

“Also I’m gonna tell you what you once told me when Jack and I first became a couple. If he breaks your heart, or makes you cry like that last bastard of a man you had, I’ll pop him off his arse till he’s in a coma.”

We both softly laughed and pecked each other’s cheeks before embracing each other tightly.  “Never change my darling Rock Angel.”

“Never Freddie. So long as you never change either.”

“With you by my side, I doubt I ever will.” We both softly laughed.

“C’mon. I’m betting everyone’s wondering where the birthday boy is at.” We took each other’s hands once more and walked out of his master suite and headed back downstairs.

Everyone gathered in the back garden as Jim, Terry and Phoebe pulled out the cake (which was sculpted into the shape of an orange, black and white patterned cat standing on a podium with its paw up in the air).

Once the sparkling candles were lit, we all sang Happy birthday to Freddie.  Freddie stood by his cake smiling and gushing about till the end of the song before finally blowing out his candles.

“I better not expect a girl wearing a cat costume to pop out and ruin this cake!” we all laughed and that’s when Jim came up to him and delicately cut the bottom part of the cake.  As Jack and I sat together I couldn’t take my eyes off of Freddie.

He was just radiating this pure energy as he chatted away with Phoebe, Jim and his other friends that he knew outside of Queen. He truly was a ray of sunshine who made everyone laugh and smile, and I am so glad that he got out of Prenter’s grasp when he did cause this this was the Freddie I knew and loved.

“He seems happier with Jim.” Jack said to me as he ate a piece of his cake.

“He does. He finally found himself a little niche in life. And I’m happy for him.”

“So they’re really together, aren’t they?” Jack asked me. Of course there wasn’t any hatred or disgust as my husband spoke those words, he genuinely wanted to know whether or not Freddie and Jim were seriously an item or not.

“They are. And I can see that it’s real love between those two. I hope they stay together for a long, long time. They’re good for each other.”

“I’ll admit it, even though I’ve never really seen a gay romance for myself. I think they really do love each other.”

“It’s just like us. Like Deacy and Ronnie, like any other straight marriage or relationship. It doesn’t matter the gender of the person so long as two people love each other and care about one another. Love is Love.”

“I can get behind that.” Jack said as he nuzzled his face into my neck making me giggle softly.

It was about an hour after sunset when the party finally came to a close.  Everyone bid their goodbyes to Freddie and when I had invited Fred and Jim to come and have tea tomorrow, that’s when I found out that they would actually be leaving for Japan tomorrow afternoon.

“Oh wow Japan. You two going on your honeymoon?” I playfully nudged Fred.

“It’s not so much a honeymoon dear. Just a way for Jim and I to get to know each other a little more without all the press and cameras stalking us.”

“Understood. Those blood-sucking leeches.”

“Tell me about it.” He grumbled.

“Well I hope you both have a safe trip and enjoy yourselves.”

“We will darling. And I’ll be sure to pick something up for the mini-angel’s birthday in a couple months. As well as a souvenir gift.”

“You know she’s still a baby right?”

“So what? Just because she’s a baby doesn’t mean I have to stop spoiling her.” I rolled my eyes and embraced Freddie and he hugged me back.

“You’re gonna drive me to early grey hair Mercury.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous darling.” He said in a posh tone. “As I’ve always said you’re gonna be an ageless beauty. It’s me and the other guys that’ll age like milk.” I slapped his arm then we kissed each other goodbye then Jack and I took our leave.

When we arrived back home, we came in to see Derek sitting on the couch watching the news.

“How was the party?” he asked us.

“Mellow but fun. How was our girl?” Jack said.

“Barely gave me any trouble, unlike my own daughter when she was that age. The only fuss she made was when I had to change her nappie before bed.”

“She’s done that with us too. Mum hopes she’ll grow out of it soon.” I said as I walked up to him.

‘Growing cases of the AIDS and HIV virus continues to climb. So far in England alone more than 1000 confirmed deaths have occurred due to the virus…..’ I shut the TV off and muttered angrily.

“I hate the news. They never have anything positive to say. All it is is just death, gang bangs, cults, economy crashes, war, or this new virus that’s been coming up.”

“Don’t let it affect you too much Angel, you don’t need to have all that negativity floating in your head. Well I best be off.”

“Thanks again Derek, I’ll send you your payment in the morning.” I told him.

“No need. This one’s on the house. Have a good night Angel, Jack.”

“Night Derek. Drive safely.” Jack told him as Derek grabbed his coat and keys then left the house.

Jack and I changed out of our party clothes and got into our pajamas and cuddled close together.

“G’night Jack.” I yawned.

“G’night my love. Sweet dreams.” Jack whispered.  He kissed my forehead as the two of us fell asleep cuddled under the sheets.

[ditch-witches]

Eyeliner II (Dean-Charles Chapman Smut)

thank you to the darling @chokopieeater​ for the gorgeous moodboard. i love you

(PART ONE)

requested: yes/no (I am but y'all's humble servant.)

pairing: band member!Dean-Charles Chapman x reader

warnings: smut shit, lots of filler crap as well

word count: 4k (º-º)

a/n: I just wanna thank my girl, Iv, again and that superior 5sos album for getting me through this.

After your first date, you and Dean became inseparable, quickly falling head over heels into your relationship. It had gotten to the point where even when you weren’t with him, he was always on your mind. Little things reminded you of him like the incessant pencil tapping or pen clicking from the guy sitting beside you during lab or your green sweater that he always seems to compliment and can’t stop touching whenever you wear it.

You could be gone for hours on end, not intentionally, but because of Dean’s shitty car. You didn’t know what make or model but it was some kind of Frankenstein’s motor-monster and you never complained about it. Most of the time it had a mind of its own, and Dean had made it his mission in life to tango with its independence from him. There would be times when he’d be driving the two of you to a movie or dinner---the both of you attempting to talk over the loud radio that had only two volumes: ear rape and silent---when it would just sputter out and die, leaving the two of you to walk towards the next town over in hopes of finding a gas station. In complete honesty, you enjoyed the car. It gave you more time with Dean, who never seemed to get frustrated at it. Whenever it did break down, you always expected to look over and see him red in the face, his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel too hard, but instead you received a shrug and him holding his hand out to help you out of the piece of shit. That was another thing, the passenger side door was stuck shut so you had gotten pretty good at slipping in and out of the window. Dean claimed it was because the car was meant to race; “a stallion” to be more specific.

You knew the door was just rusted shut.

When you weren’t pushing the stallion to the nearest auto parts store on a Friday night, you and Dean found yourselves cooped up in one of your apartments or out with a group. Your friend still insisted on going to each of the band’s shows, which you really didn’t mind anymore, especially since you got to experience Dean’s confidence on stage being the one that mirrors his confidence in the bedroom. Your friend knew you and Dean had gone out a few times, but you were positive she wasn’t aware of just how much the two of you were together. And that you were thankful of, knowing full well she would blow everything completely out of proportion and make you think too much about having him around.

One day, when your late afternoon classes were canceled due to the professor’s spontaneous trips to Israel, you had the perfect opportunity to tangle yourself up with Dean. The warm glow in the room mixed with your after sex bliss as Dean lazily strummed a guitar (often finding ways to catch your attention with old riffs from The Cure, his favorite being Lovesong), propped up on the window seat tucked in the corner beside his bed. His curls, rather wild and untamed from the lack of hair product and working from your fingers. His eyes seeming brighter as the light from outside drew lines across his face. You twisted in his comforter to stretch your back as you watched him furrow his brows in an attempt at pulling chords from his memory and matching them with others.

You could prop your chin in your hand and listen to him hum slightly, in his own little world, until the end of time if you were given the opportunity. His voice was always slightly raspier, especially in moments like this. His acoustic versions, especially of the Cure, had become your favorite, mainly because you knew they were just for your ears and something about having such intimate gifts from him made your moods fuzzy and soft. The first time you stayed over, you were surprised there hadn’t been sheet music thrown about, expecting to find it shoved in awkward hiding spots of his room, but it was mainly on the window seat, where he usually played, or his desk on the other side of the room. You loved seeing him finally getting something he was happy with or constructing a lyric he liked and feverishly looking for clean space in his notebook to write it down before he forgot and it was gone forever. He seemed to have been writing a lot lately.

“Did you ever play an instrument?” He asked, his eyes darting up to look at you through his long eyelashes as he threw the notebook and pencil on the ground next to him. “I mean, besides in marching band.”

You snorted at his question. “Oh gosh. You’re gonna make fun of me,” you quipped.

“I thought that’s what we did, gorgeous?” He answered with a smug look on his face. “Come on, tell me.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile. “I used to be really into the Dixie Chicks, so I learned how to play the banjo.”

He laughed in disbelief. “No.”

“Yes,” you nodded, wincing slightly.

He giggled. “Wait,” he wet his lips and sat up slightly, beginning to strum an all too familiar song. “You’re going to have to help me with the words.”

“Dean, stop-”

“CoWbOy, TAKE ME AWAY-” You bolted from his bed and took the guitar from him as he giggled, grinning at you like an idiot. You took a seat across from him, tucking one of your ankles under your leg and shivering slightly, only Dean’s t-shirt and your shorts to keep you warm after being bundled up for so long. You rested the guitar in your lap and Dean crossed his legs, scooting closer to you.

“Never do that again,” you grumbled and he laughed again, lacing his fingers together. “Since you always play for me…” You strummed your hand across the wires, the instrument feeling more foreign than when you picked up a flute last year for the first time since high school. You chuckled shortly, “I’m a little rusty.” Dean couldn’t help but beam as you blushed mildly, beginning to play what you could remember of I Believe in Love’s chorus. As you sang lightly, trying not to seem like you were putting much effort behind what you were doing, you caught his gaze and he inhaled rather sharply, his eyes dancing with softness as he watched you. You smirked slightly as he watched you closely, seemingly loving every second of your short song, physically gushing as he usually bright smile eased blissfully. You finished, looking at him with a sarcastic, “Taddah.”

He leaned forward, his hand wrapping around the back of your neck to close the space between you, searing the moment into your memory with a kiss you could feel in your toes. He always kissed you like everything was relying on the way he did it. With Dean, every kiss mattered, but this kiss seemed to encompass everything he wanted to say. The sweet taste of your vanilla chapstick blended with the smell of his cologne as his warm breath flared over your cheek. You sighed against his lips moving your hands into his hair and relishing his actions.

You don’t remember getting home that night, but as you damn near floated into your apartment, you figured not even your essay due the next day could ruin your mood. Of course, that was until you realized your friend had gotten home before you and was standing in the kitchen with a juice box. Your eyes went slightly wide at the shock and she tilted her head. “Where’ve you been?” Her smirk meant she knew exactly where you were.

You shrugged slightly, “Studying. I had the afternoon off.”

“It’s seven.”

“...Right…” Your eyes darted around the room.

She bit back a wider grin before moving around the counter towards you. “Must have gotten a lot of homework done then. What subject? Anatomy?” You rolled your eyes at her joke and she pulled you into a hug, fully welcoming you home before leaning back from you quickly. You looked at her with furrowed brows and she narrowed her eyes. “You smell familiar…”

You chuckled. “Am I not supposed to?”

“No, you smell familiar, but not like you. You smell like Dean.” You pursed your lips together, looking at her like she was crazy. “Dean’s still the one you’re sneaking around with!” Her expression flipped on a dime to excitement and she giggled. “I KNEW IT.”

“STOP.”

“Jeez, that’s why he’s so happy. I mean, more than usual.” You sighed as she continued. “God it totally makes sense though. That why he ALWAYS LOOKS AT YOU LIKE HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU-”

“QUIT. HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH ME.”

“Dean wants to marry you. He wants to kiss you. He wants to lOooVe you,” she teased, dancing slightly to her own song. You closed your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose between your index finger and thumb. “How is your boyfriend, anyway? I’m assuming that’s where you were today.” You threw your bag down on one of the kitchen chairs.

“He’s not my boyfriend, cut it out,” you grumbled.

“Sure seems like it. You blush every time I say his name,” she jeered, her voice still sing-songy as she moved back into the kitchen.

The fact that Dean wasn’t your boyfriend seemed to echo through your mind until his next show, which happened to be in a much larger venue. You weren’t sure how you felt about coming to the realization that the two of you had never really set a label. Did you even want a label? The two of you hadn’t really been keeping your relationship private, but maybe it was for a bigger reason that you had given thought to. You and your little sidekick in the shape of your best friend made your way to the venue, her almost tripping over her shoes a few times with excitement. There weren’t any seats, in fact, the place reminded you of a warehouse and it made complete sense having been set up by the bassist and the drummer when Dean and the other guitar player just had to trust the guys. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that it was incredibly packed. A sense of pride rushed through you, proud of the band slowly climbing the ladder yet still keeping it fun. You also knew Dean would be feeding off this high for at least a week after the show.

Your friend dragged you to the front by the tight grip she had on your arm, landing the two of you in almost the front row. The people around you smelled like beer and were already cheering and yelling, making you laugh slightly. Anytime college kids had the opportunity to throw each other around to punk music, they would. Your friend smiled at her phone before clicking it off and shoving it in her pocket, looking over the crowd and waving her arm in the air. You furrowed your brows, attempting to see who or what she was trying to wave down. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” she commented, biting back a grin and putting her arm down. You shook your head at her and someone came around you to pull her into his arms. She giggled wildly as he kissed her. You recognized him as the drummer. The two had been very vocal about their whereabouts after she had given him her number. Dean was at your side, giving your arm a nudge and furrowing his brows at the two, probably mimicking your expression. “What are you guys doing out here?” She asked, through a bright smile. You scoffed like she didn’t just wave them down.

“Relax, no one knows it’s us,” Dean joked from beside you. “They came for the booze.” He seemed oddly calm for such a big event, but there was something off about him. The two laughed at him before joining in their own conversation. Dean leaned closer to your ear, “Can we go somewhere?” You nodded and followed him away from the crowd and towards the backstage area before turning towards a bathroom. You looked around the space, it was disgusting but you didn’t mind.

He shoved his hands in his pockets. There was definitely something wrong. Was he nervous? “Are you okay?” His usually bright face was smothered with slight worry. You could tell he wanted to reach out to you.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

He bit his lip. “I don’t know, you’ve gotten weird… Did I do something?”

You scoffed, shaking your head quickly. “No, I just…” You ran a hand through your hair and he watched you closely, the same look flashing behind his eyes as when you were playing for him. “She found out about us and,” you shrugged, “it just got me thinking.”

Dean fought against his smirk as he took a step towards you. “That’s never a good thing, love,” he joked, making the tension lighten. “What were you thinking about?”

You scoffed. “It’s not really a big deal-”

His eyebrows picked up. “Quit.”

“Did I become a groupie?” You asked, a smile playing on your lips, causing him to give into his grin. You hated to do this before his show, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

“Are you also fucking the other guys?” He sarcastically quizzed, his arms finally moving to rest on your shoulders before sliding down so his hands settled on your neck, the cool metal of his rings bringing enticing goosebumps to litter your skin. You looked up at him, quietly wishing you could take him home around this time. Damn, were you really this whipped?

“I mean, the bass guy has been looking awfully yummy lately…” You mocked, your eyes dancing between his lips and his bright blue eyes. He chuckled at your answer.

“Do you wanna be just a groupie?” He asked in more of a whisper.

You were surprised as your tone matched his. “No…”

“Fine, can I be your boyfriend?” He smiled into his question and your gaze snapped to his. “I wanna be your fucking boyfriend, okay.” His tone was so light you couldn’t help but laugh.

His thumb brushed against your jaw, making you melt. “Good.” You grabbed onto the front of his jacket, finally bringing his lips to yours. You made sure this kiss counted more than all your previous ones for him. You could practically taste the relief pulsing through him as his hands moved into your hand. The noise around you died away as you stood on your toes, feet fitting between his sneakers to bring him closer to your body.

He pulled away rather reluctantly, pressing his lips against yours a few times between attempting to talk to you. “I have to quit before I get carried away,” he groaned, kissing your cheek and jaw.

You chuckled. “Promise to get carried away later then?”

“I swear on my life,” he practically growled in your ear. He was back to being Dean again. He pulled away to look you in the eye. “You are so beautiful, you know?”

You rolled your eyes, shoving him away from you. He giggled. “Alright, go get on stage, lover boy.”

He leaned forward to kiss you briefly again before beginning to back out of the bathroom. “To be clear, I’m not going because you told me to. I’m going because I have to, okay?” He joked.

“Dean.” He sent you one last wink before slipping out the door, leaving you to finally grin like an idiot in peace. You joined your friend’s side again and the look she gave you was more than all-knowing as you shook your head at her again. As the band took to the stage, the crowd roared with excitement. Dean was wrong. They had come for them. Maybe it was Dean’s accent because each time he attempted to talk or swore during a song, the girls in the crowd would scream their heads off.

There was something about Dean’s performance tonight that was different for you. Maybe it was the rise he was getting out of everyone and the fact that he was going home with you. You bobbed to the music slightly, your mind flashing to the afternoons with Dean. The grungy man before you, eyeliner smudging from the heat of the lights and exertion of adrenaline, looked different and oozed with confidence that was somehow even more attractive to you now, but when he would grin at one of his bandmates or a sign in the crowd, he was exactly the same. He had made sure to find you in the crowd rather quickly, sending you flirty smirks and a wink every so often. God, he really knew what he was doing. There were times during the set when the bassist would introduce the next song as Dean would take a sip of beer or a puff of the guitarist’s cigarette and the girls behind you would make a comment about being jealous of whatever his lips had touched, making you laugh slightly---a fact you would have told him if you hadn’t known he would bring it up every chance he got.

After the show, the two of you barely made it up the stairs to his apartment before wrapping around each other, hungry to relieve the sexual tension between you during the show. You knew Dean was still running on performer’s high, and you were thankful. Your hands knotted in his hair as the taste of alcohol and cigarettes invaded your senses to blend with the smell of the concert on you both. Your back pressed against his bedroom door as you practically yanked his jacket off his arms, tugging his shirt over his head as he smashed his lips against yours in a disarray of teeth and hair. He slipped his hands under your shirt, pulling it off as well, his lips finding his favorite part of your neck. You moaned as his teeth clashed against your skin, his hand moving to grasp at your breast as he pressed you harder against the door. You ground your hips against him, feeling the wetness between your legs begin to pool.

You pushed off the wall, dragging him with you to the bed. As you fell back into the soft comforter, Dean climbed over you smiling before you locked your lips against his, your tongue pressing into his mouth with a neediness that he seemed to reciprocate as his fingers moved to your zipper, lightly unfastening your pants before dragging them down your thighs and over your ankles. He stood between your legs, getting ready to remove his rings. “Uh-uh,” you almost hissed, making him look up at you smugly. “Leave ‘em on.” He chewed on the inside of his cheek, his smirk making you melt as he hooked his arms around your thighs, his head dipping down.

“As you wish,” he divulged, his breath hot against your core before he began nipping at the skin of your inner thigh. He was in complete control as his mouth moved to press against your clothed center. You moaned slightly, a grin spreading across your face as your head tilted back, his tongue moving against you, drawing patterns as he applied pressure with it. He broke away from you sliding his hands between the fabric of your waistband and skin, your underwear soon falling to the floor. As he settled back into his previous position, you ran your fingers into his hair, pushing it off his forehead so you could fully see his eyes. He flashed you another smug look before attaching his lips to your clit, sucking slightly before slipping his middle finger into you.

“Fuck,” you hissed, your legs wanting to clamp shut around him as he began to curl his finger inside of you, moving to draw a reaction out of you with each of his actions. He flattened his tongue against your core and moved his head from side to side for more friction. You groaned again, needing more of him, which he seemed to notice as he added another digit. You could now feel the rings at the edge of your entrance, giving you a new sensation to moan over. The tension within you tightened as he continued, his tongue lapping against you, bringing you closer to the edge. “Dean, I’m close,” you almost whined, moving your hips to grind against his tongue.

He chuckled and leaned away from you, slipping his fingers into his as you leaned up to tug off his jeans. You scoffed as he connected your lips together again. “You haven’t been wearing underwear this whole time?”

He smiled into your kiss, pushing you back onto the mattress. “No one but you has to know,” he joked.

“Ew, Dean!” You giggled as he kissed your jaw and laughed at your comment. He pulled one of your legs to rest against his hip and positioned himself before you as you drug a hand through his hair. He met your gaze again and despite the fact that he still looked like his rockstar persona, the sparkle in his eye was consistent with the Dean that you would be confident in introducing to your parents one day. He reached a thumb up to brush against your cheek before kissing you softly, a sweet gesture that forced you to wrap yourself around his arms. He pressed into you, fitting against you almost too perfectly as he moaned, bringing music to your ears. He broke away from you only to settle a kiss beside your ear and against your shoulder, beginning to thrust into you. His breath fanned over your chest and you sighed in pleasure. His hand fisted the sheets beside the two of you as he ground his hips against yours. You moved beneath him wanting to find the right angle to push yourself over the edge. You tightened around him, drawing another moan out of him. If the man could be in your ear for the rest of your life, you would thank whatever higher being allowed it to happen every second you could.

He pulled your hips towards him more, driving himself deeper into you and reaching where you needed him most. “Don’t stop,” you moaned, kissing him again as he smiled. You began to feel every inch of him as he moved inside of you, hitting your sweet spot with each of his thrusts. You kissed his jaw softly, your fingers drifting to the curls at the base of his head again. Your toes curled as you finally reached your orgasm, calling out his name and feeling him release as well, riding out your pleasure. As he sank into the covers next to you, you couldn’t fight the smile playing on your lips. One of his arms jutted out to pull your back against his chest, wrapping himself around you and sighing into your hair. His lips brushed against your shoulder blade softly and you tucked into his arms more.

“Thank you for coming to my show,” he mumbled from behind you.

You smirked. “It was like pulling teeth, getting me there,” you answered sarcastically, hearing him laugh lightly.

“I meant the first time. I’m glad you didn’t end up as a groupie,” he hummed, joking rather lazily and you knew he was drifting off. You rolled your eyes with a grin, your hand moving to rest over his, lacing your fingers together.

“I’m glad, too,” you quipped, his heartbeat lulling you to sleep as well.

[kayliemusing]

21

1. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately?  - There’s kind of a few, because I feel like they all tie into one. Self acceptance is a big one, self-discipline, productivity, and trusting in God (which has proven to be the hardest thing. It hurts to trust in something you don’t see the outcome of, but it hurts too much not to trust in God.)

2. If you ever feel like you are different from your extended family, in which ways is this?  - My dad/s side of the family is really toxic. There’s a lot of hypocrisy, drama, mental illness, drug addictions, and religiousness on that side (and when I say religious, I mean shame-y religion which I don’t agree with at all.) But my dad was really different from them. He was very kind, open to council, very steady and stable despite coming from such a dysfunctional background, and he loved God so truly that a lot of that pure ‘religion’ that exists within his family was broken off of him, and then I have my mom too, who is very fun, kind, caring, etc, so I grew up around more normalcy than my cousins did. My parents just parented me well and they talked about God to me and my sister a lot in such a good way that I never grew up around pure, shame-y, rule-bound religion which I think is the explanation why I (and my sister) are very different from our extended family. My dad died when I was fifteen so I don’t see that side very often, especially because they’re just entirely chaotic and dysfunctional so when I am around them it’s way more noticeable how different we are. (Sorry for big explanation. I’m in a super reflective mood lol.)

3. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not?  - I’ve always kind of wanted to have this leader-esque feeling to my career, but no, I don’t see myself being a CEO. I really just want to be an author so I guess I would have some level of being a leader to my own business, but not quite on a CEO type level. Right now, I’m trying to focus on fiction but I’m easily overwhelmed by it so I have been considering other mediums of writing. I just don’t know what that is or what fits right.

4. Is there something that you are sort of weird about talking about? Like, a thing that other people find casual, but you feel uncomfortable when the subject comes up? - Sex, is the first thing that comes to mind, but not sex in general. More like the conversations that are too much, you know? Lol. Some people go really into detail or can be graphic about their sex lives and I’m just like, please don’t. I don’t mind generically talking about it, but there’s a line.   5. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name?  - I don’t think so. 

6. Do you ever make negative comments about other body types? How does it make you feel when you see or hear negative comments about your body type, or a physical trait that you have (even when it’s not directed at you)?  - Sometimes I have the tendency to judge other body types (i.e. I really don’t like the thigh gap look), but it’s never malicious and I’m always trying to be aware that others can’t help what they look like and if they’re happy in their body, that’s what matters. I struggle with disordered eating and kind of sit on that line between having an eating disorder and not having one so I’m very sensitive about my body and its type. I have a chubby tummy and I’m so insecure that it’s not flat that when I hear anyone say anything negative about not having a flat stomach it’ll ruin my day or I’ll just feel really ashamed.

7. If you are in a situation where you feel like you are being attacked or not respected, how easy or difficult is it for you to stay and keep your head rather than leave in a huff?  - I’ll usually leave the conversation. Maybe slam a door lol. I’ll usually stand my ground until I finally feel like I’m not heard or no one cares and then I’m out.

9. When you think about how attractive you feel and your favorite features, are you comparing yourself to a societal ideal?  - Yes. I happen to be well-acquainted with the comparison game.

10. If you have a favorite song right now: What is it? How did you first hear it? Why do you like it so much?  - My favourite song is probably Coney Island by Taylor Swift right now. It’s from Taylor’s new album Evermore, but I have a couple on that album that tie for my favourite song right now (Honorable mentions: Willow, Cowboy Like Me, Tis The Damn Season). I absolutely love how poetic this song is and I think one of my all time favourite lyrics she has ever written is in that song: “If I can’t relate to you anymore then who am I related to?” This song for me just feels like I’m reading a poem and I just sink right into the story she’s telling. 

11. Have you ever had someone that has been your friend for a while come to you and tell you they had romantic feelings for you? How did you respond, and did the friendship survive?  - I did have a friend of mine tell me they had feelings for me. We had become friends in the eighth grade and then he confessed his feelings for me in the ninth grade, I told him I didn’t feel the same way but we stayed friends and it didn’t ruin anything, and then he confessed again in the eleventh grade and I said no to him again. After that final rejection, we never really made it back to being friends for a few reasons a) We stopped being in the same classes, b) I think he was really hurt and c) his friend (who is most dramatic than a girl by the way, and ironically dating one of my friends at the time) stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and gave his two cents and that was kind of when it fell apart. I didn’t really know his friend so it was weird that he had this narrative of me that he said “was leading X on” when I was just trying to be his friend but it’s whatever now. That was when I was like sixteen lol. 

12. Hypothetically speaking, if Hillary Clinton were running for President as a democrat against Chris Christie as a republican in 2016, who do you predict would win the election?  - Well, since it’s 2021 now, I would predict that Trump would win and divide America. 

13. When you are getting to know someone new online (particularly someone male), how cautious are you of the possibility that they are serial killer/kidnapper? - I honestly never think of this, mostly because we live in such an online world now and I’m an adult. I don’t really know how much of this still happens, but you just don’t hear about it anymore. Not to mention, if it is a male, it’s most likely a pedophile (which is still gross) rather than a killer or kidnapper.

14. If you are talking to someone that you want to get to know, what are your go-to conversation topics? What subject makes you disappointed when another person isn’t interested in or knowledgable about it? - Tbh I feel like I’m really bad at conversations and I don’t know how to lead them because I’m quiet and scared of looking stupid. I know I really like deep conversations more than basic questions. However, it’s very important that I know their opinion on Taylor Swift because if there’s a chance they don’t like Taylor Swift, I already know that the person is probably not worth my time. For real though, if I’m having a conversation with someone, I usually get disappointed if I find out they’re a partier or drink a lot, because I’m really not into any of that stuff so it’s immediately like playing the Sims and having the minus sign appear above my head.

15. Say you have a lot of free time and want to join a club or class. You are browsing postings on local bulletin boards and online. What sort of group would you be interested in joining (e.g., book club, game group, crafts, golf lessons, etc.)? - A romance-only book club, DIY club.

16. Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after?  - Nah I’ve never been kissed

17. Have you recently learned anything about your personality? If not, have you ever consciously tried to change your personality? - Sort of recently, it was something I discovered last year which is that I’m a neurotic perfectionist and what I mean by that is I’m a perfectionist in a very self destructive way. I’ve always known I was ‘particular’ or others would say ‘has high-standards/expectations’ but I realized that it’s literally just perfectionism.

18. Are you or any of your friends in a sorority or fraternity? Would you be interested in belonging to one?  - No and I don’t really understand what they are or why they’re a thing.

19. Can you recall a recent time that you were surprised, but in a bad way? - Yes. When my job eluded that they thought I was stealing from the registers. This happened around September 2020? Basically they didn’t flat out say that’s what they thought, but they made comments that the tills were either short or over at the ends of the night whenever I would be working and dead ass said “it looks suspicious”. I think it was surprising because I’ve worked there was two years and really felt like they should have known my character. (I literally am afraid of getting in trouble for the smallest things and they seriously thought I was capable of stealing from them lmao)

20. Do you feel uncomfortable when you receive praise for doing certain things? If so, does this make you less likely to do those things?  - No totally the opposite. I really struggle with validation and I never feel good enough, which is something I’m working on, but it feels almost like I thrive on praise. Maybe it’s because my love language is words of affirmation?? I just always like/need to know when I’m doing a good job so when I don’t get praise or validation my self esteem plummets. 

21. Do you make spontaneous purchases often or rarely? When you are upset does it make you temporarily happier to buy yourself something new?  - Spontaneous purchases, often because I have no self control lol, but lately I’ve been working hard to try to save more. And yes when I’m upset, it does make me feel better to buy things.

22. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early?  - 5 am. I think I can manage 6 am, but anything before that is a no from me. I used to work at 5 am when I worked at Chapters, but it was a nice shift because I finished work at 10 am and then went home and napped for two hours and then had literally the entire day.

23. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? - I’ve never had a romantic relationship oops. But at least I read romance novels every day (and I write romance too!) I’ll try to answer this based on what I think would happen. I think it would start as a physical attraction and I think a lot of relationships start that way but they become something when you have a real connection. I think there are relationships that can start the other way though too, but I’d say for me it’ll probably be physical attraction first. 

24. Do you ever catch any of those conspiracy shows on Animal Planet, like Bigfoot hunting or proof of Mermaids? Do those shows make your more or less likely to believe in the existence of such creatures?  - No, but I DO watch ghost conspiracy theories/”REAL GHOST CAUGHT ON CAMERA” videos on Youtube for fun. But no I don’t believe in any of that stuff. 

25. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? - I’ve never technically written a fan letter to a celebrity but I wrote a post on tumblr to Taylor Swift a couple years ago that she’ll never see lol. And I’ve never submitted anything to a magazine, but I’d like to one day. 

[moviemagistrate]

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD review

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD is my favorite movie of the 2010’s. 

I’ll give you a minute to put your recently-blown mind back together.

So why do I love this movie so much? The overall response to Quentin Tarantino’s supposedly penultimate opus has been very positive if not rapturous, but I’ve seen some surprisingly lukewarm and even negative reviews, with people criticizing it for being slow, meandering, lacking in depth or *shudder* boring. Obviously the quality of any movie is subjective, as I’m quick to remind anyone who hates Michael Bay movies, but I honestly don’t understand people who dislike OUATIH. Maybe it’s a matter of expectations, because I didn’t know how to feel about the film for much of the first time I watched it either.

The year is 1969, a time of great political and cultural change in the country and in the entertainment industry. The star-driven films of yesteryear are giving way to grittier, artsier, more auteur-driven works as we primarily follow Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), former star of a popular cowboy show whose failed attempt to start an A-list movie career has left him relying on guest spots as TV villains-of-the-week to stay afloat. This is wonderfully laid out in the opening scene where he meets casting director Marvin Schwarz (Al Pacino, easily his best role since JACK & JILL), who lays out Rick’s lowering hierarchical status (“Who’s gonna kick the shit out of you next week? How about Batman & Robin? PING. POW”), while offering him an opportunity to be a leading-man again in Italian pictures.

Tagging along is Rick’s best, and maybe only, friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), Rick’s go-with-the-flow stunt-double who in the slowdown of Rick’s career has effectively become his driver and gofer, as well as Rick’s sole source of emotional support. Rick is also neighbors with Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie), the beautiful young actress and wife of then-superstar director Roman Polanski (whose inclusion in the film is minimal and handled tastefully), as she lives out her idyllic life, beloved by those around her like the ray of sunshine she was in real life. Her gated, hillside home looms over Rick’s, as he ponders aloud about how even meeting her the right way could resurrect his career.

For almost two-and-a-half hours, we follow these three characters as they just live out their lives, Rick nursing hangovers and having emotional breakdowns in front of his 8-year-old co-star on set while contemplating his future, Cliff going where the wind blows him while taking care of his adorable and highly-trained dog, and Sharon as she drives around Old Hollywood, spends time with her friends, and sneaks into a matinee showing of one of her movies, her eyes and infectious smile beaming with pride when the audience laughs at her comedic timing and cheers her martial-arts prowess.

I think it’s safe to say it’s not the film any of us were expecting from Quentin Tarantino. Having only made loud, gory, over-the-top genre pastiches for the last 15 years, you’d expect from the trailers for this to be about an actor and his sexy stunt-double getting mixed up with the Manson family before teaming up with Bruce Lee to save Sharon Tate from her horrific real-life fate, mixed with the filmmaker’s usual self-indulgent homages to films of yesteryear. While some of this is true to some extent, it’s surprisingly a much more relaxed, easygoing dramedy that follows a trio of funny, charismatic people as they just…exist, as people living in the moment instead of relics.

OUATIH is much more concerned with atmosphere, character, and capturing the feeling of a bygone era than the traditional narrative structure. It’s more effective than pretty much every nostalgia trip movie I've ever seen because you can feel Tarantino's affection for this era of his childhood bleed through every character, car, song, radio advertisement, TV show, background poster, etc. It’s through this meticulous level of detail and willingness to just hang out with these characters and take in this world that he reconstructed, Tarantino successfully resurrects the era in all its 35mm glory, but with the knowing twinge of real-world melancholy.

I guess the reason I love it so much is because the love that Tarantino has for everything and everyone in it is so tangible that it’s infectious. Watching OUATIH I honestly felt like I understood him better as both a filmmaker and as a person. He shows a level of restraint and maturity I haven’t seen since JACKIE BROWN. Even most of his trademark foot fetishizing is tasteful and subdued (I say “most” because I recall at least three close-ups of actresses’ feet that definitely made him a bit sweaty behind the camera). He’s a weird, shameless nerd with a big ego, but he’s 100% sincere about expressing his love for film and its rich history. And it’s this love, and the skill and style with which it’s expressed, that just put a big smile on my face each of the 6 (SIX) times that I’ve seen it since it came out. 

Tarantino offers a tantalizing contrast between reality and fantasy. Throughout the film, as the characters of Hollywood live in their own idyllic world, relaxing in pools or driving around in bitchin’ cars, we also see the disquieting eeriness and griminess of the Manson family. The soundtrack and accompanying old-timey commercials for tanning butter or Mug Root Beer that plays through a lot of the film is a joy to listen to, but we also hear news bulletins of the war in Vietnam or the aftermath of the Bobby Kennedy assassination. You could argue this is just to set the scene for the era, but it feels too deliberate, because even after that joyously fantastical ending, we remember that it was just a fairy tale and real life didn’t turn out as pleasantly. Tarantino’s ability to make his world and characters so meticulously detailed and lived-in works to great effect in instilling a bittersweet melancholy to this film in a way I was really taken aback by. It feels like a window into his soul, someone who yearns for the fantasy of the world he grew up in but remembering that not all good things last and not everything in your nostalgic past was good to begin with.

One beautiful, spellbinding scene is Rick and Cliff coming back from their excursion into the world of Italian filmmaking. In this montage, we see Rick, Cliff and Rick’s new Italian wife arriving at the airport and driving home before unpacking their baggage, interspersed with Sharon Tate welcoming a guest at her home and having lunch, before cutting to a series of shots of famous LA landmarks like Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Taco Bell, and Der Wienerschnitzel all meticulously resurrected in their retro glory as they light up the night. “Baby, baby, baby you’re out of time”, sings Mick Jagger as we’re watching multiple stories about people who are each embodying those words: Rick’s career, his friendship with Cliff, Sharon Tate, and Hollywood itself.

Tarantino himself feels like one of the last mainstream auteur filmmakers, as well as one of the last and biggest proponents of shooting large-budget movies on film (even Scorsese’s embraced digital now, the fantastically-talented traitor). And with the rise of streaming services, one can’t help but feel like the movie-going experience itself is also becoming obsolete, especially recently, what with theaters going to war with distributors over fucking TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, not to mention that global pandemic we’ve been having lately all but killing general audiences’ enthusiasm for the movie theater experience (Christopher Nolan’s TENET certainly didn’t help). If all these things, both real and fictional, are indeed out of time, then at least with Tarantino’s penultimate film they get one hell of a bittersweet sendoff, a great time that’s more of an Irish wake than a funeral, and it’s a film I have no issue calling a truly introspective, late-career masterpiece.

And that’s without mentioning uniformly incredible cast. Leo DiCaprio, an actor I normally don’t care too much for, gives the best and funniest performance of his career as a dependent prima donna actor clinging to his remaining fame. Brad Pitt earns the hell out of his Oscar as an embodiment of old-school masculinity and charisma with an amazing set of abs (and everything else) whose outward coolness masks his mysterious past and complete badass-ness. Margot Robbie shines in her depiction of Tate, a beacon of warmth and likability who in many ways symbolized the love and carefree attitudes of the swingin’ 60’s. I’ve heard people criticize her character for not having a lot of dialogue, but to me it feels like they’re ignoring the visual storytelling, which just gives way to them assuming the film is sexist just because the female lead isn’t constantly monologuing. Every member of the supporting cast is memorable with their own quirks and great lines, no matter their screentime.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Tarantino joint without some truly hilarious and shocking violence, and without going into spoiler territory, the last 20 minutes delivers on this promise to such a degree that I feel comfortable calling it the best thing he’s ever done. Some may decry the climax as unnecessary or over-the-top, but the way it leads to an alternate world while subtly acknowledging what happened in the real one is cathartic beyond belief. And if you’re paying attention, every scene in the movie has been quietly building towards this finale, which to me takes away any potential of feeling meandering in the story. If you saw the movie and didn’t much care for it, I recommend giving it another watch. Having the context ahead of time makes it feel so much more rewarding, and even on the fifth watch I’m noticing clever, subtle set-ups I missed beforehand.

It’s also just super cozy and really easy to watch. The two hours and 45 minutes fly by. I could watch a 4-hour version of this.

Quentin, if you’re reading this, please don’t let your last movie be Star Trek.

[theotherboywhonevergrewup]

My Top Songs of 2019

It’s that time of the year again when I take a look back at all the great music that was released throughout the year and choose my top 10.  Quick disclaimer as usual: These are not what I think are the best songs of the year.  They’re not even my favorite songs of the year.  They’re simply the top 10 songs that have defined my year.  (See the end if you’re interested in the rules of the selection of this top 10; also, most of this was written in 2019 but some was written in 2020).

10. “Think About Us” - Little Mix featuring Ty Dolla $ign

“When you're dancin' in the club And the nights are getting hard Do you think about us?”

Everyone knows that I have a weakness for girl groups.  UK’s Little Mix isn’t exactly my favorite, but admire how strongly they’ve stuck together as a group.  Their chemistry is undeniable, both as people and as vocalists.  To me, “Think About Us” was the standout track from last year’s LM5, and the addition of Ty Dolla $ign was the little shove it needed to be great.  The girls shine with their vocal prowess both on their solos and together on the chorus, and Ty$’s verse splits the track nicely.  The accompanying video is mesmerizing.  Each of the girls look absolutely stunning, and they have individual sets representing the different parts of a relationship, with Perrie as the butterflies-in-my-stomach beginning and Jade as the icy, cold end.  The lyrics are quite vague, but I think that’s the intention.  It’s applicable to any stage of a relationship; it could be a love song or a break-up song.  With it’s fun beat, it’s hard to pick if you want to dance to it, belt it out, or try to do both, but it’s definitely been an infectious part of 2019!

9. “Lonely for You” - Armin van Buuren featuring Bonnie McKee

“No, you're never gonna see me cry I already got a brand new life Don't you know I'm moving on And everyday I'm stronger? I don't even know you're gone”

The Netherlands’ Armin van Buuren has a recipe to get trance music to pull at your heart, and one piece that makes this apparent is “Lonely for You.”  With the assist from US’s pop hit writer Bonnie McKee, this track is different yet familiar, a haunting disconnect to match the mixed feelings of the lyrics.  From light synths to disco-esque drums to pure piano, Van Buuren’s track pushes and pulls the same way the tumultuous narrator’s lyrics go back and forth, with McKee’s vocals surfing on the top.  The music video has a couple choreography emphasizing the push-and-pull theme, and McKee looks fantastic as usual.  Van Buuren’s Balance is full of more emotionally-rich tracks for both happy and sad times, many of which utilize beautiful piano to highlight amazing vocals.  “Lonely for You” is an altogether addictive track that was perfect for all the lonely nights of 2019.

8. “Antidote” - Mr Hudson

“You of all people After all we've been through Started out an angel And now you get away with murder”

As a huge fan of the UK’s Mr Hudson, I waited basically a decade for his sophomore album, and it did not disappoint.  While When the Machine Stops features several tearjerking songs, “Antidote” is on the next level.  The song takes the subject of betrayal and perfectly captures how trust can die.  The genius is in its simplicity.  Not a single instrument starts until the entire first verse is complete, letting the lyrics speak for themselves.  Even when the instruments do come in, it’s just soft percussion and synths.  As much as I love vocal runs and ad-libs galore, the straightforward melody had me humming this song for much of 2019.

7. “Me & You” - EXID

“Oh 야야야 더 이상 우리라는 말 하지 마마마 안 봐도 뻔하잖아 야임 마마마 지금 날 어디서 속이려 들어 그건 네 엄마마마 한테나 가서해 baby I don't care”

As I mentioned in last year’s post, 2018 was the year I fell in love with K-Pop, mostly due to Blackpink at the time.  As much as I love Blackpink (and got to see them live this year!), their limited discography didn’t leave much to be loved.  Enter EXID.  This group is stacked: arguably South Korea’s best female rapper in the game LE, one of the best vocalists Solji, and the girl who is absolutely beautiful, sexy, cute, and smart all at the same time Hani (who may or may not be my ultimate bias, sorry Rosé).  Their previous single “I Love You” missed my 2018 list because it was released so late in the year, but it turned out to be my most played song on Spotify this year.  In fact, several of their songs were on that list.  Like many of their previous singles, “Me & You” is an infectious dance track utilizing each member where they excel: Hani with her soft, sultry vocals, a splash of LE’s sick flows to split up the song, Hyelin’s powerhouse vocals to bring up the first chorus, Solji’s even more powerful vocals to take the song to its climax, and Jeonghwa on the dance break (low key kinda sounds like she’s singing “Baby Shark” but that’s a jam too I guess).  The duality of the track is what makes it stand out, with the pretty vocals and simple verses largely contrasting from the deep and dirtier synths of the dance break.  The video plays with this duality by featuring EXID as brides in white versus clubbing in neon.  The rest of the WE mini album isn’t quite as dance-y but is fun to vibe to nonetheless.  The group unfortunately may be over, since Hani and Jeonghwa are leaving their record label, but they’re at least sticking together for their activities in Japan for now.  So many more K-Pop hits were released this year, some of my favorites being Mamamoo’s “Gogobebe,” SEVENTEEN’s “HIT,” Super Junior D&E’s “Danger,” Park Bom’s “Spring,” KARD’s “Dumb Litty,” NCT 127′s “Highway to Heaven”, NCT Dream’s “Boom”, Ong Seongwu’s “Heart Sign,” and another release to be mentioned later on this list.

6. “Heartbreak” - Hunter Hayes

“Another, ‘Almost perfect’ Didn't work, but totally worth it Better to have loved and lost my mind Than lose the nerve to even try”

I remember watching the 2013 Grammy’s and watching Hunter Hayes lose all three of his nominations, at that point becoming the “Leonardo DiCaprio never wins an Oscar” meme to me and my friends.  He went on to lose two more nominations, but honestly, I always liked his music (and Grammy nominations are no small feat in the first place!).  While 2017 was technically the year I had my first date and 2018 was the year I had my first girlfriend, 2019 was the year that I really put myself out there and dated the most.  And yes, there was a lot of awkwardness and stupidity and mostly me messing up, but that’s just a part of life.  And “Heartbreak” perfectly captures all those feelings.  From the guitar to the bit of twang to the drums, this song is unabashedly fun country, and the optimistic lyrics always made me feel better.  It’s like a c’est la vie Rascal Flatts’ “Bless the Broken Road” before he found the girl. The accompanying video is also fun with a groundhog day theme as he tries to win over a girl.  The album as a whole is a fun listen, with “Dear God” being the other Wild Blue (Part I) standout to me.  Here’s hoping Part II comes out with some vibes in 2020!

5. “Tempo” - Lizzo featuring Missy Elliott

“He look like he could gain a little weight Lick the icing off, put the rest in your face”

Lizzo exploded this year, and I’m not mad about it.  She has confidence and charisma galore, and her resulting music is mad bouncy, earning her several Grammy nominations for next year, including Best New Artist.  Her songs like most of Cuz I Love You can be quite loud and in-your-face, which is fine, just not exactly my style.  However, get her on this more subdued R&B beat and throw in a Missy Elliott feature, I’m in.  This will make any upbeat R&B lover dance, and the music video is the kind of hot and fun you would expect (with a cowboy hat you may not expect).  Missy also made an imprint this year with Iconology which is her first group release since 2005′s The Cookbook.  I’ve always been a fan of her work, and this is a perfect feature for her.

4. “NONE of this has been about you” - Spencer Sutherland

“I'm afraid that you would hate me if you knew, That I've become insensitive, It's true, But even if you do”

Spencer Sutherland’s “NONE of this has been about you” off his debut EP of the same name has a lot of elements about it that I would personally want in a song of my own.  It starts off with a very simple piano and vocals with a tinge of soul.  As he continues to sing, he puts more soul and emotion into his voice, and splashes of harmonies start to come in.  A couple short riffs later and just a second before the drop.  Although, it’s not a dance drop.  A choir drops in for the chorus with some drums to announce that, in fact, none of this has been about you.  The song eventually escalates to Sutherland’s soaring ad-libs over the choir.  Beyond the musical stylings, I enjoy the message of this song.  Sure, the narrator is telling someone, possibly his lover, that his struggles are personal and not something she or he should worry about, but I also like to take it as a reminder not to always worry about others or what they are thinking.  For example, 2019 was the first full year I had an ex, and a lot of that time, I was worried about posting on social media because maybe she’ll think this or that is about her.  Honestly, I don’t recall ever “subtweeting” about her.  We’re good.  Any breakup song or black and white photo I post has nothing to do with her.  So this song is a nice reminder to keep it pushing and stay in your own lanes.  The remaining songs on Sutherland’s EP were all also on repeat throughout the year.  The man’s just got a solid voice, and I’m glad he’s continuing a soulful pop sound that is rarer than before.

3. “Beautiful goodbye” - Chen

“다시 시간을 되돌려 처음 만난다면 가로등 옆에 서 있지 말아요 미소 짓지도 왼손으로 머릴 넘기지 마요 그래야 내가 그대를 지나칠 테니까”

Now, when it comes to a piano and vocals, nothing dominated my year more than Chen, especially his debut solo single “Beautiful goodbye.”  I won’t repeat all the reasons why I love his voice so much (see last year’s post), but long story short, he’s my favorite male vocalist right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I love EXO and the energy they bring to their songs, but a full EP of just Chen really lets the listener feel his artistry, pulling on heartstrings every which way.  In this song, the narrator is recognizing that his relationship is dead but proposing that they can hold onto it just for a bit longer until they peacefully part in spring.  There’s a respect to their relationship and what it has done for them that they can take with them as separate people before they part ways.  Chen’s voice takes the listener on an adventure, starting soft and simple then escalating and crescendoing to unveil the hardened pain in his voice.  It’s not a sudden angry breakup, it’s more subtle and more somber.  In the end, his soft vibrato and the final notes of the piano leave the listener in just as an uncertain position as the narrator; is it better to hope it stays winter forever or hope for spring to come?  While I also wanted some upbeat songs from Chen, his April, and a flower EP followed by Dear my dear is chockfull of beautiful and emotional ballads.

2. “Never-ending Summer” - Cyn

“What if we don't ever have to say goodbye? I wanna keep living like we'll never die If you're mad then I'm mad too You're crying, I'm sad too I'll watch your back for you, watch mine”

Newcomer Cyn’s “Never-ending Summer” is, to me, an experience.  It took me a while to appreciate its simplicity, but then it became so addictive that it itself became never-ending.  The guitar or synth (or whatever that instrument is) plays on loop to emphasize the never-ending nature of the song and gives a dreamy vibe that’s somehow both modern and reminiscent of the 70s.  Cyn’s simple vocals evoke a carefree feeling reminiscent of running on the beach and all the accompanying imagery with her photoshoot and lyric video.  It makes sense that Cyn is part of Katy Perry’s record label Unsub Records, as this song feels somewhat like Perry’s hits off of Teenage Dream including “California Gurls” and the title track, albeit much more in Cyn’s own understated style.  This summer, I learned how to surf and have fallen deeper in love with the beach (even though a stingray stung me my last time there), and this song would keep the surfing mentality continuing throughout the year, even when it gets too cold for it to be summer (or, even if my foot is bleeding to death).  Doesn’t hurt that Cyn is unbelievably cute too.

1. “Lovebird” - Far East Movement featuring Lay

“I can sleep here alone, but you know it's better with you You could be by yourself, but you know it's better with two”

As I grow as a person and become more proud of who I am, I think it makes sense for me to become more proud of my Asian heritage as well as support Asians and Asian-Americans out there, especially in the music industry as music means a great deal to me.  That said, it’s important to me that I don’t support people just because they’re Asian as if it’s some kind of nepotism.  That kind of segregating mentality can also be unhealthy.  Far East Movement are technically a one hit wonder; they have yet to outdo their 2010 hit “Like a G6.”  However, this year I found out about their record label Transparent Music that has been around since 2016 with a goal of unifying eastern and western music.  Their previous album aptly named Identity features a ton of artists from both sides of the word, from Hyolyn and Loco to Macy Gray and Soulja Boy (shoutout to my favorite song on that album, “Freal Luv” featuring Tinashe and yet another EXO member, Chanyeol).  To me, music is about unification.  It is about bringing a deeper understanding through melody and rhythm.  Those are the simplest terms I can put it.  I hope this is evident through this list that I appreciate people and music from all kinds of backgrounds.  Even if my tastes lean one way or another from year to year, I hope my lists maintain diversity and well-roundedness.  Somehow, Far East Movement has managed to capture this sense of unification in “Lovebird,” featuring Chen’s EXO bandmate from China, Lay.  It’s not the most complex song; in fact, like many songs on this list, it’s quite simple.  The synth bends in a carefree way that celebrates togetherness along with the lyrics, and I find that beautiful.  2019 was a year of growth and life, and “Lovebird” was the perfect song to accompany it.

*To qualify for this list, the song must have been released this year.  An artist can only have one song on this list, excluding features.

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 3 Episode 5: Group B Playoffs (Commentary and Guesses)

Hello fellow Masked Singer lovers! Welcome (or welcome back) to my commentary and guesses for the Masked Singer, this time for the Group B Playoffs, where 5 remaining masks compete for 4 spots at the Group B championships. Ok, so let’s begin with the celebrity mask who was eliminated (btw I am pissed at this one ngl)...

Disclaimer: This is a spoiler alert, don’t say I didn’t warn you. If you don’t want the show spoiled, get out of here...

Ok so now that they’re gone, the eliminated mask was 

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE MOUSE 

Ughhhhh why Masked Singer?! Why do you keep doing this to me? Always taking away the legends who deserve to stay on the show way longer than some others... not gonna name names, but yo White Tiger I’m looking at you. Anyways, yup I was sad about this, but I knew who the mouse was since the first time I saw her. 

So, the Mouse was revealed to be... *SPOILER* 

DIONNE WARWICK  

Wow, yeah I was not surprised, this was too easy. Even my mom knew it was her and she doesn’t really know many American celebrities. The clues totally gave it away: 

Rhino sculpture= her record company is called Rhino Records

Prayer hands= her hit song I sing a little prayer for you and she is also a woman of faith 

Putting on makeup= I sang a little prayer for you lyric “the moment I wake up before I put on my makeup” 

Brazil nuts= she lived in Brazil for years

They asked all the masked singers what their favorite subject in school is and she said math = she does have the Dionne Warwick Institute of Economics and Entrepreneurship, a magnet school focusing on economics which she did mention had to do with why she liked math

As for her performance, her voice is so recognizable like wow. She sang “This will be an everlasting love” by Natalie Cole and it was a beautiful performance. I loved it and I am actually really sad to see her go. She really did a great job in her performance because she’s a living legend. 

Anyways, now that we are done with that, let’s take a look at our remaining 4 masked singers, one of which I have figured out and one of which is stumping me and 2 that I am maintaining firm on my guesses: 

1. The Taco  

Performance: Like I said last week, Taco is quickly becoming my favorite performer in this group. He sang Elvis Presley’s Bossa Nova Baby and it was a perfect song for his vocal ability. He has a very old crooner voice, like a Frank Sinatra vibe. He’s also really funny and it looked like he was having fun in this performance. Never thought I would love a guy in a taco costume but here we are so I think that guy is... 

TOM BERGERON 

Ok so I am 100% sure on this one, I know other people think it’s Tim Allen but no it’s not him, I am positive it is Tom Bergeron because of the clues: 

Whoopee Cushion= allude to America’s Funniest Home Videos (AFHV) or because Whoopi Goldberg was a main square on Hollywood Squares, which he hosted. 

The female taco he met that helped him become less of a hot head= his wife, he had anger issues before meeting her and learned to meditate because of her 

Gemini constellation= him and his wife got married in gemini season May 22, 1982 

The circular globe with the constellation= resembles the shape of the mirrorball trophy from Dancing with the Stars which he hosts 

In the package, he was dancing with the “Mrs. Taco”= allude to Dancing with the Stars perhaps. 

2. The Frog

Performance: Ok so ngl I wanted him to go home. He was my least favorite performance of the night, not because he was bad per se, it was just weird what he did with the song. He sang “In Da Club” by 50 Cent and oh wow he changed it to make it sound more jazzy and the lyrics were changed to be family friendly, which is all good, but it didn’t sound natural. It sounded a bit off the music with what he was singing. It was pretty shaky in the beginning, but I started liking it a bit in the middle of it. He’s a bomb dancer tho, very talented and smooth dancer. 

Alright so I think this frog is as I said last week: 

BOW WOW 

I feel pretty good about this one especially looking at the clues: 

Typewriter with the letters “CSI” emphasized= starred in CSI: Cyber 

“Frog Eat Frog world”= real saying is “dog eat dog” world so another reference to his stage name Bow Wow. 

Fame Star with $19 price tag= when he was 19, wrote a song called the price of fame

Little Green Soldiers= collaborated with Soulja Boy on mixtapes 

3. The Banana 

Performance: Ok, so this one I really am warming up to. I like him more now than I did last week, because he was more real and I don’t know I just really enjoy when he performs. It is always fun to see him perform, but having said that, oh my gosh you guys I feel like I know who he is and I am sure about this even though last week I was confused af... this week the clues helped me get it. 

I think the Banana is: 

BRET MICHAELS 

Ok I am so sure about this one, the body type and height match. The accent and voice matches his too and the clues really solidified it for me this time: 

Snake on the computer= poisonous= his band named Poison  

Cowboy Boots and Hats= he was those all of the time 

Alarm clock with 2:13= 2nd letter of the alphabet is b and the 13th one is m (his initials) 

6/8 on the alarm clock= June 8th is National Name Your Poison Day 

4. The Kitty 

Performance: Ok, like I know I love the kitty and her voice is amazing, but she’s really confusing me. I felt like last week I was sure about Sabrina Carpenter and that’s what I heard in her voice, but now I am hearing something completely different. She sang Mercy by Brett Young and I don’t feel like this is a song Sabrina would sing. I am really torn with this one, so this is just a guess that I have so far, but I have no idea: 

LUCY HALE? 

Ok, so hear me out. I have been going back and forth between her and Sabrina Carpenter and in this performance, she didn’t sound like Sabrina and when I looked up Lucy’s voice, it sounded very similar to this performance and the song choice made sense because of Lucy’s love of country music, but let’s look at the clues: 

The sewing in the clue package looks eerily similar to her role as Katy Keene in the CW Riverdale spin-off show that just came out of the same name. 

Red Riding Hood= allude to Pretty Little Liars which used red riding hood as a metaphor for the show

I mean I don’t know she is very short (5′ 2″) so fits the profile 

Well, that’s it. Let me know if you agree or disagree with my guesses/what your guesses were. Also, did you guess the mouse correctly? Let me know! That's all and see you next week for the Group B championships, the last of Group B. 

[xfcklprtehkrx]

Follow the Music

Received this question from @beyondkailani​ : I'd be interested in your views on the episode titles, especially those released for season 2. I find some of the implications interesting - Sex and Candy being followed immediately by Como la flor for example. Very different in tone!

Okay the episode song titles thing is really fun.  For S01 I was familiar with every song, and yay cause even some of my old favorite bands in there.  Nirvana, Everclear, Aerosmith, and Counting Crows?  Can’t go wrong.  Once the episode with Rosa’s CD happened I realized the episode titles were doing the same thing, but I think for most episodes it’s way more literal than others. Since we’ve made it through S01 already I’m gonna mostly focus on S02.

I made a youtube playlist with lyrics for the sake of review: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLu6cxfqCMO9l7f1jJlLLgCzQELAo7W-BZ

2X1 Stay (I Missed You) (Lisa Loeb) Okay this song, the lyrics are 100% about Michael and Alex.  Lyrics strangely seem like the inevitable moment of real separation between them because Michael is with someone else.  It also smacks a little bit of their reluctance to let go of each other for so long.  Now the title could be a direct point to both Rosa and Max seeming to be dead at the end of S01.  I mean Rosa was dead for 10 years.  She can’t just come back to life, so if she’s going to live, she can’t stay in Roswell. Even if Rosa could stay, what about all her drama with Isobel?  Problems. I mean she was Noah at the time, but Rosa doesn’t know that, so they can either tell her or have it be a constant problem.  There’s also a chance Rosa already knows and she was going to tell her dad, so she doesn’t exactly scream ‘support the alien conspiracy’ to me.

I don't pay attention To the distance That you're running or to Anyone anywhere

I don't understand if you really care I'm only hearing negative, no no no, bad

So I, I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up And this woman was singing my song Lovers in love and the other's run away Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay

And you said that I was naive And I thought that I was strong I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave" Oh but now I know that I was wrong 'Cause I missed you Yeah, I missed you

You said, "you caught me cause you want me And one day I'll let you go" You try to give away a keeper Or keep me 'cause you know you're just so Scared to lose

2X2 Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space (Spiritualized) This one is all ‘I can’t help falling in love with you’.  That speaks to me of Michael and Maria.  Could also be a Liz leans on Kyle thing too, assuming Max is still dead.  She does always run back to him, which is super unfair to Kyle.  Maybe it’s also something good for Isobel.  She deserves a new love after everything with Noah, so I’d rather it go that route than either of the other two. 

2X3 Good Mother (Jann Arden) This episode will probably revolve around Maria’s mother, and since I predicted before that Michael’s hand and Maria’s desperation to find a cure for her mother could go sideways, I suspect some of that will happen here.

2X4 What If God Was One of Us (Joan Osbourne) As a Malex shipper I admit this is the one that interested me the most since Tyler Blackburn confirmed in this episode Alex gets a new love interest.  I can’t see how this would relate to Alex in anyway, so I was disappointed to not get any further insight.  

Now the lyrics make me suspect this is when Michael tells Maria he’s an alien. I mean yeah it’s ‘god’ not ‘alien’ but still some similarity there to me.

If God had a face what would it look like? And would you want to see if, seeing meant That you would have to believe in things like heaven And in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets?

2X5 I'll Stand By You (The Pretenders) I see so many things in this one. -Rosa(assuming she’s still alive)/Liz -Max(if he’s back)/Liz -Max(if he’s back)/Isobel -Michael/Max and/or Isobel. -Kyle always being there for Liz even though he’s sort of a doormat -Kyle and Alex’s rekindled childhood friendship and Kyle being there for Alex -Tragedy strikes so Alex and Maria make up and he’s there for her or vice versa (even though I don’t foresee that lasting)

This could touch so many of the relationships on this show.  It’s too generic to me, and we won’t know until we get there.  Especially since so much will hinge on how they decide to handle Rosa still being alive and Max being dead.

2X6 Sex and Candy (Macy’s Playground) Now I know the word sex is in the title, but I never interpreted this in a literal way. I always assumed it was about eye sex.  His eyes meeting across the room with this fantasy girl and he’s surprised she’s looking back.  So maybe something romantic for Isobel or Alex.  I assume by this point Maria and Michael will be together so nothing to do with them.

Hangin' round downtown by myself And I had so much time To sit and think about myself And then there she was

I smell sex and candy here Who's that lounging in my chair Who's that casting devious stares In my direction

Mama this surely is a dream Yeah mama this surely is a dream

2X7 Como La Flor (Selena) I don’t speak Spanish so I had to check out a translation for this one, but this one breaks my heart.  It’s all about losing the one you love and letting them be happy with someone else. I could almost ugly cry at the implications of this song.

I know you have a new love However I wish you the best If in me, you didn't find happiness Maybe someone else will give it to you

If you saw how it hurts to lose your love With your goodbye, you take my heart I don't know if I can love again Because I gave you all the love I could give

2X8 Say It Ain't So (Wheezer) This song following the last song makes me feel like I am right about the main subject for that episode since it seems to follow the exact same line of thought, but it actually doesn’t.  I suspect Jesse Manes will make an appearance here.  This song is actually about a boy’s fear of his father’s alcoholism.  Then again, if the person who picked it didn’t actually know what the song was really about then yes, it follows the theme of the previous song.

2X9 The Diner So I wasn’t 100% sure which song this was referencing.  My mind immediately went to Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega, which I won’t lie, I had stuck in my head for like 6 years because I couldn’t figure out what the song was so I never heard it again.  When I finally did it was sweet relief.  Now there’s a ‘The Diner’ by Kaskade but it’s really just a remix of her song, so I’m going to assume that’s the song.

Now absolutely nothing in this song draws me back to this show.  There is a verse at the very end that seems like it might be significant, but it’s not in the ‘the diner’ version.   Then again, it could just be that the episode takes place surrounding the Crashdown, and the song title is literal.

Oh, this rain It will continue Through the morning As I'm listening To the bells Of the cathedral I am thinking Of your voice And of the midnight picnic Once upon a time Before the rain began

1X10 American Woman (Lenny Kravitz) This seems way out there, but this song makes me think of an outsider government/military type showing up to investigate and stir the pot.

So beyondkailani had directly commented on the contrast between 2X6 and 2X7.  I agree. Different in every way, but I’m not sure it has any meaning beyond trying to find song titles that fit the narrative, but then I think ‘no way’, and I’m sure it must be something more complicated.  I’m still digesting how I feel because the songs do bounce all over the place as far as genre.  

In S01 I felt like 75% of the song titles it was just the title that related to the episode.  I’m sure the lyrics also add to it, but mostly I think they were chosen just for their titles.  There are some episodes where it must be the lyrics that had meaning because I can’t see another connection (1X4, 1X10), but for most, it’s just the title.

Per example: -Don’t Speak is a break up song and I suppose you could attach a secondary meaning of the loss of your faith in someone to this song, but that’s a tough sell for me. -Smells like Teen Spirit on the teen revisit episode and I assure you the song is not actually about being a teenager… -I Saw the Sign on the episode where Liz finds a possible motive for why Isobel killed Rosa when this is actually also a break-up song of sorts. -Champagne Supernova on the Gala episode -Creep for the prison and Noah revealing the full extent of his actions (yet the song is actually about wanting someone who you think is amazing to love you but thinking in comparison to them you are nothing).  Now that I’m reconsidering this one the lyrics may also have value here. Originally I hadn’t considered that the lyrics might represent Noah’s feelings about Rosa.  Rosa not being an active character I didn’t consider her as part of the equation the first time.

I added some of these to the playlist at the top as well. 1X1-Pilot 1X2-So Much for the Afterglow 1X3-Tearin' Up My Heart 1X4-Where Have All the Cowboys Gone? 1X5-Don't Speak 1X6-Smells Like Teen Spirit 1X7-I Saw the Sign 1X8-Barely Breathing 1X9-Songs About Texas 1X10-I Don't Want to Miss a Thing 1X11-Champagne Supernova 1X12-Creep 1X13-Recovering the Satellites

Now all of this could be totally moot since most of the songs in S01 are just about the title and I focused on content to make conjectures.  This was really fun for me though.

[sunwillrisetoday]

September 6

How do you feel about sports? Do/did you play any sports? Who are your favorite teams?

Oh boy, where do i begin with this subject. This may get long winded but I’ll try to keep it compact.

How do I feel about sports? Sports is life. Sports have been my life since I could crawl. I was learning how to play soccer before I could walk thanks to my dad. There are pictures of me as a toddler with a beer bottle (empty I hope) in one hand, and a soccer ball in another. I played many sports, I would say that I was very lucky to be able to pick up and play almost any sport. I say almost because there were a couple sports I couldn’t play, no matter how much I wanted to. I always wanted to play hockey, but I had a hard time with skating. There also weren’t a ton of hockey rinks in LA growing up and it was quite costly to play so I didn’t get too serious about it. My main sports growing up were baseball and soccer. I also played tennis for a couple years in my early teens and have picked up golf since I turned 18 and stopped playing baseball. I did play baseball thru high school, and was pretty good where I could’ve kept playing at a junior college but I gave it up so I could pursue a long distance relationship with my girlfriend at the time. Tell me how that decision worked out for me (not smart). I played soccer as well through high school but I didn’t love to play it as much as I loved playing baseball. 

I’m quite competitive, which makes playing games hard sometimes with others. The greatest teaching moment I had was when I became an after school playground supervisor at elementary schools from grades K-5 for LA Unified. It taught me many things, but the first thing it taught me was to not be so competitive. I used to enjoy beating kids that were 5, 6, 7 years old at any sport they wanted to play on the yard but it wasn’t until I was playing a game called caroms where I lost to a 1st grader that changed me forever. 

The look of joy when the child beat me fair and square, it showed me that it’s not always about me having to win but being ok with losing to anyone at any age. I know that because he went home and told his parents how he was the first kid to beat me a game as I started at this new school at the age of 19. He was on cloud 9, and I realized it was more important to him to say he beat “Coach” then it was for me to feel good about being a 1st grader, as silly as that may sound. 

I don’t play much anymore, other than golf, which I don’t play nearly as much now as even 5 years ago now that I live in Portland. The rain has a big impact on my ability or desire to go out and play 18 holes now as opposed to going on on a January day when it’s 75 and still playing 18 down in LA. 

My favorite teams? Pick the sport, but here’s my list:

Football: Dallas Cowboys (but with all the news recently about the owner and players supporting Trump’s position on kneeling my enthusiasm for the team has definitely taken a hit I may need to go back and support my old hometown team of the LA Rams now that they moved back to LA)

Baseball: Los Angeles Dodgers. The team of my youth, thanks to Kirk Gibson and 1988 my love for the game was sealed forever in that one moment. My team of the 90′s were the Atlanta Braves with Tom Glavine as my favorite player. I tried to emulate my pitching style to his, because I wasn’t a hard thrower and needed to rely on guts and guile to get batters out. After that, I went back to being a Dodger fan and have been with them through the dark years (thanks Frank McCourt your piece of shit) to the renaissance now. 

Basketball: Meh, don’t really care too much about basketball, I still watch, and enjoy watching the national TV games. I enjoy the Golden State Warriors and LeBron James, although not as much now that he’s a Laker. I will say I may not be a fan of any one team in particular, but I’ve HATED the lakers ever since they got Shaq and Kobe. I became a Clipper fan for a while just to spite Laker fans, but stopped caring about them after they got Chris Paul and became the flavor of the month in LA when the Lakers sucked. LA is horrible with bandwagon fans, which brings me to my next favorite team.

Hockey: LA Kings. If there is one sport that today I love above all else, it’s hockey. I’ve been a fan since 1988 (thanks Wayne Gretzky) and never faded in my fandom for this team. Even during all the dark years (and there were MANY dark years) I still went to games, even having season seats during 2 of the worst years in franchise history before the lockout in 2004-05. I gave up hockey the year after the lockout which wiped a season away, because I was mad that my favorite sport was lost for a whole season. No other league can say that and it still chaps my hide knowing that. I of course came back the year after they came back, in 2006-07 but I didn’t watch one game, gave up my season seats and didn’t care about the 2005-06 season. My years of suffering all paid off in 2012 when the Kings won the Stanley Cup. That was the most magical run to witness, I got to go to every playoff game that year including the game they won the Cup. I was in section 333 row 7 watching them hoist the Cup in front of me and I’m not going to lie, I cried so many tears of joy that day with my sister. We had been through it all with that team and to see something we never thought would happen made that moment all the better. If I could bottle up any feeling and share with someone, it would be the feeling I had during the last 5 minutes of the game when they were up 6-2 and it was just a party inside the building. Doing the countdown of the final seconds like we were in Times Square counting down to New Year was such an exhilarating experience, that would be the feeling I would share with anyone who was feeling down or sad about life. This time also happened during my darkest personal life, when I was unemployed, living at home, not knowing what I was doing with my life after breaking up with my fiance and losing my business. I was depressed, and thought of killing myself because no one would miss me. This team and that run of 2012, and the birth of my best friend’s little girl gave me reason and value to live. 

Soccer: Real Madrid/Portland Timbers. I know, they seem like polar opposites but hear me out. There aren’t many pro teams here in Portland, but going to a Timbers game in person is one of the best experiences out there. The energy the fans bring, especially Timbers Army rivals that of European club teams. The soccer itself isn’t the best quality (see any league in Europe for elite soccer) but it’s still entertaining and something to do here in the city. Real Madrid, what can I say, the greatest club team in the world (sorry Barca fans, but you aren’t even close) with the richest tradition. I became a fan in 1999 when my dad was living in Madrid. We got to visit him and we saw games on tv there that we never would see here in the states, other than maybe 1 or 2 games the whole season. The play was sublime, it was the beautiful game, the way it was meant to be played. I fell in love then, and have been a fan ever since. 

College: UCLA. I didn’t go there, but I hated everything about USC, from the band (fuck that band playing the same fucking 2 songs over and over again) to the arrogance of the fan base and everything in between (other than the beautiful song girls). So I went with the underdog, the little brother (because that’s what they are compared to USC) who could beat big brother every once in a while. 

[honeynutts]

Get to know the author

Got tagged by @unfocused-notwriter AGES ago~ (thank you!!)

I’ll tag @breakeven2007, @elliewritesstories, and @amerraka, but only if you want to do this along with anyone else if you’d like~!

1. Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason? I have a strong urge to write sci-fi someday, but I'm waiting to finish Mercy. It would be difficult to work on two complicated stories at once. 2. What work of yours, if any, are you embarrassed about existing? Probably this short story I wrote for a stupid creative writing class about a spiteful guy named "Dusty Wolf"... That explains a lot, doesn't it? 3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else? Front to back. I've attempted to write out of order and have also started from the ending-forward, but these do not work for me. If the beginning isn't solid, I can't move on for some reason. 4. Favorite character you’ve written? It's a tie between Joey and Edith. They're both fun to write because they have such bold, colorful personalities, and I'm introverted. They give me the chance to speak whatever comes to mind without holding back no matter how mean or inappropriate. 5. Character you were most surprised to end up writing? Rowan, because I actually hate her? Jessyka! She's got the most shocking motives and is relentless and unapologetic for the messed up things she does. In general, there's a lot to explore through her, even though she's not like the characters I normally write at all. 6. Something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now? The origin story with the Creator. Originally, there wasn't an origin story at all and everything in Mercy just existed without a higher entity (besides angels and demons, but they didn't have a purpose) so I came up with a Goddess to balance out the emptiness and also provide a rational for everything that happens. I'll just say that there's a lot of simplifying that needs to be done, but its a lot to fix. 7. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write? I'm enthusiastic until they ask me what I'm working on or if the questions "will you write this for me/will you add me in as a character" comes up. 8. Favorite genre to write? I've always been comfortable with fantasy, but I really want to write sci-fi and I wouldn't mind exploring horror (It just sounds difficult to create fear through words for some reason. Kudos to horror writers.) 9. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration? Listening to music, reading a book, watching a movie, watching an anime, talking to a friend, reading over old ideas, Ted-Talks/inspiration videos in general, and if possible going outside (whether it be going to the store or walking around) all help me get inspired. 10. Write in silence or with background music? Alone or with others? I always listen to music if possible, usually one song on loop. I normally write alone, but I don't mind being around others. Having company is comforting, but I don't write around my friends often enough to be affected. (I MISS THEM A LOT THOUGH :””^>) 11. What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing? The character development has grown a lot, so its not writing with my characters is not like puppetry anymore. Also, the plot is driven by character actions and motives which was really hard to plan out, but worth it. 12. Your weaknesses as an author? Descriptions (especially with setting) and actually writing. I get stuck on opening easily, so I still have to learn how to move on and finish my drafts instead of starting over because of one sentence. 13. Your strengths as an author? I think I have succeeded with character creation and depth. I'm extremely attached to my children and I hope readers will feel the same way someday. They don't feel fictional to me, they are actual people. I love them a lot :^) 14. Do you make playlists for your work? I try to. The longest playlist I have for Mercy only has 10 songs on it and their more like...character theme songs if they were to have them. I have a huge playlist of my favorite songs that I listen through when I write, but I guess that isn't made for just writing so.... 15. When did you start writing? In third grade, we had a project to write a story in class, and I really liked the feeling of making something up as I sat in the coatroom. I also made a Deviantart in that same year and I started RP-ing before I got banned for being under-aged but that's where I really kicked off. (Around fourth or fifth grade, I made the initial premise for Mercy) 16. Are there characters that haunt you? Rowan. I'm just gonna name the ones I remember: Lyra, Haru, Kavanaugh, Avery, Iren, Zaire & Lucas, and Wisteria. 17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be? Keep. The. Beginning. Keep. Writing. Its. FINE.

and don’t feel bad for saying no to people when they ask to be/make characters for your story. 18. Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they? No books off the top of my head, but anime wise, Cowboy Bebop has become a standard/major influence for me. I love the story line and the character and the theme behind the entire show. And the soundtrack is pure gold. 19. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, etc? I just write everything down in writing notebooks or on new documents or whatever. Sometimes I can keep an idea in my head. Everything random and unorganized to be honest. I really should consider fixing that, but I don't have time. :"} 20. Do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts? Both! Sometimes I can get into a deep writing kick for a few hours, and other times I write more within a 15 minute break. Just depends on my mood and if there are things stealing my attention. 21. What do you think when you read over your older work? Either "This is actually trash. Why did I write this? I'm so glad I've improved from this." Or "WHAT THE HECK THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD WOW WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO REACH THIS LEVEL AGAIN? I'M GONNA PUT THIS IN THE NEW DRAFT!!!" 22. Are there subjects that make you uncomfortable to write? Romance and anything of the like. Its difficult for me, but for some reason I still try and the outcome is always disappointing. :"^) 23. Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing? I don't wanna get too detailed here, but pretty much my home environment is toxic and is not a fun place to grow up in, so Mercy is like my vent space. Silas is literally a punching bag if you didn't notice. I think he goes through as much as he does because its my way of releasing negative energy in a positive, harmless way. 24. Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story? My favorite thing to teach people is the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery because Silas is a grave digger. (P.S., a graveyard is connected to a church, and a cemetery is not. Silas works in a cemetery.) I also know a lot of cocktails (for Misha's sake as a bartender) even though I don't plan on drinking in the future. 25. Copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of. "It was clear from the air on his breath that he was a Jinx as well, but one who wasn't jaded. He told Silas one day that he was "too cold" to let hatred and bitterness consume him. At first, he thought that was a joke, but over the course of sitting next the boy at lunch and shivering in the middle of the summer, he found this to be true. He was the embodiment of ice, as Silas would say, but Dei insisted that he call him the host of winter instead. That was his magic ability."

[luzintheattic]

A story by my Zeide Moto

My maternal grandfather's name is Mario, but since I can remember, everyone has called him Moto. He once told me that this nickname came from his days as a biker in the pampas, but my grandmother said it was because he was like a motor, always working. He was one of those men who got increasingly handsome with age with his dark skin, rectangular glasses and distinguished nose; he looked like a man from another era, one of the last true gentlemen.

He, in his role as the distinguished Doctor Markelis, was a serious and severe man, but as my Zeide Moto, he was always making up stories for his grandchildren, entertaining us for endless hours. Before starting his stories, he asked us a series of questions: did we want fiction or nonfiction? princesses or cowboys? In Spanish or English? With or without monkeys? Short or long? Most of the time, no matter what he asked, we ended up choosing our favorite Moto tale, the most popular of all his diverse oeuvre, his magnum opus, The Farting Horse. The story has changed through the thousands of times that my grandfather has told it, but as far as I remember the story of the Farting Horse goes like this:

“Once upon a time, there was a kingdom in the middle of the Arabian desert. It was an impressive kingdom, with magnificent castles of gold and high walls which converted into a kind of huge amphitheater. It had gardens that, according to some historians, were even more beautiful and fragrant than those of Babylon, and mosaic murals decorated every corner. Although the beauty of this kingdom was reputed throughout the Middle East, what made this kingdom legendary was the way in which the kingdom worked together in harmony, from the poorest peasant to the great and powerful Sultan. There was no disagreement that could not be solved by critical and creative thinking.

The crown jewel of this kingdom was the little princess, the only daughter of the sultan. Her wit and charm were contagious: she could make the most curmudgeonly person laugh, involve the most isolated person, interest the most apathetic person. The beauty of her mind found its only rival in the dulcite tone of her voice.

Countless wiser and more qualified men have tried to communicate the quality, the tone, the spectacle that was the little princess's voice to no avail. Every morning, as true as the sun rising in the east, the little princess came out on her balcony at seven sharp to sing her song. The melody of the song has been lost in the sands of time, but the lyrics endure in those who are strong of soul:

No te des por vencido, ni aún vencido,

no te sientas esclavo, ni aún esclavo;

trémulo de pavor, piénsate bravo,

y acomete feroz, ya mal herido.

 Ten el tesón del clavo enmohecido

que ya viejo y ruin, vuelve a ser clavo;

no la cobarde estupidez del pavo

que amaina su plumaje al primer ruido.

 Procede como Dios que nunca llora;

o como Lucifer, que nunca reza;

o como el robledal, cuya grandeza

necesita del agua, y no la implora…

 THHBPPPPPPPP

Suddenly a loud and disturbing noise replaced the sweet voice of the little princess. Out of shock, she paused for a moment. No one had ever tried to play instruments while she sang, especially such an atonal one. But, as the little princesses embodied the kind and collaborative spirit of the people, she thought that it was a good thing that the music would be something communal. She continued cautiously.

trémulo de pavor, piénsate bravo,

y acomete feroz, ya mal...

TTHHHHHHBPPBPBPBPBPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBPPB

 This time the little princess realized that whatever she was making that noise could not possibly be an instrument. It was deafening and annoying, something no one could have possibly done on purpose. Not one to be easily discouraged, the small princess tried to sing her song again.

Ten el tesón del clavo enmohecido

que ya viejo y ruin, vuelve a ser

THBPPPPPPBPP

It was in vain, nothing could be heard, except this new awful noise. All day long, the noise rang out, bouncing off the walls. The pleasant perfume of the gardens was also replaced by the smell of manure. Without the princess's song and her inspiring message, the people of the kingdom could not get up on time and all arrived late and disoriented to their work. The subjects, due to the constant and disturbing presence of the noise and the smell of manure, began to fight amongst themselves about insignificant things. No one could sleep, talk, sing, or focus, on anything but this new noise and smell.

The sultan, concerned about the subject’s discomfort, as well as his own, immediately formed a voluntary committee to find the source of the noise and silence it. The morning after the noise was first heard, the entire kingdom searched in every ornate corner the source of the noise. After a few hours of searching, the noise was found at a small farm on the outskirts of the kingdom. The cause of so much trauma, so much chaos, the origin of all the kingdom's problems was a small horse that couldn't stop farting.

The sultan, when he heard the news that they found the origin, immediately went to the farm accompanied by the little princess. At seeing the flatulent horse, the little princess could not contain her laughter. She was half impressed that such a small horse was responsible for the downfall of a kingdom that, until yesterday, functioned in perfect harmony.

Little by little, a crowd of subjects entered the farm, making it even louder and more stinky. Trying to reestablish the collaborative atmosphere that existed before the farts, the sultan asked for suggestions to solve the horse problem. The first suggestion, made by a butcher, was simple and straightforward: kill the horse. The whole motley crew  packed into the sweltering stable thought it was a great idea, minus the little princess. Although she was moved by the fate of the horse, the little princess knew that logical reasoning was the only way to convince the mob present. After thinking for a moment, the little princess asked

 "And what will happen when we are faced with a problem that we cannot kill?"

The audience began to murmur in protest but after a bit of discussion and debate, they recognized that the princess was right and that death should only be used when there is no other option. A gastroenterologist who was present suggested some pills that could alleviate the horse's farts. Everyone present thought that they should try this prescription, but after a few days of being monitored by the doctors, the situation only got worse. The pills made the farts even louder and stinkier. The kingdom began to deteriorate and everyone became ill as they could not sleep from the sound or eat from the smell.

After the gastroenterologist's failure, an abundance of cures and solutions reached the sultan's golden gates. The architects built houses to contain the sound and smell of the horse, but each one was destroyed with just one fart. Nutritionists changed the horse's diet in every way possible, but it only made the farts worse in one way or another. Religious leaders of every sect tried to exorcise the demon of farts unsuccessfully. Therapists talked to the horse for hours, but, even though he resolved his problems with his absent father, the farts continued. None of the solutions worked and the frustrated and discouraged Sultan decided there was no other way, they had to kill the horse the next morning.

Defeated, the sultan dragged himself down the carpeted hall until he reached the little princess's room. He was about to tell the bad news when he realized that the princess was not in her room. Scared and exhausted, the sultan began to cry, until his own sobs covered the sound of farts and he fell asleep in the little princess's bed.

 The next day the sultan rose to the voice of the little princess ringing from the balcony of his golden castle. He was so happy listening to the sweet voice of her daughter that he did not notice the soft melody that accompanied it, nor the lack of the sound and smell of the farts. When the princess finished singing, the sultan ran to the balcony.

"My daughter, how did you do it?" the sultan asked, barely containing his joy.

“It’s simple, papa” replied the little princess “I put a steel flute in the horse's rectum. Now the farts can be heard as if they were the dulcet tones of my songs. What's more, the steel and shape of the flute filter the farts, which makes them not smell bad. "

"What a clever daughter! What ingenuity! You've saved the kingdom, you've saved your people, and you've saved your daddy. How, I beg you to tell me, did you think of this perfect solution? " the sultan begged

"It was easy, Dad" replied the little princess lovingly, "no me di por vencido, aun vencido."

And with that answer the sultan finally understood. It was only in embodying the hard-working, loving, creative, collaborative, and tenacious soul of the kingdom that problems could be solved. Little by little, the kingdom returned to its former glory. People again roamed the streets, went to work, ate and slept. The smell of the gardens was the only thing you could smell and the light was the only thing bouncing off the stone walls. The sultan, the little princess, and the kingdom lived happily after

[alhaitham-shrine]

@aperfectexampleofsarcasm had to go and tag me in a gtkm thing SO i guess I’ll do that instead of sleeping. I like doing shit like this :’’)

and I’ll tag @ratfuxk @relativelyjilly and @dyerink and that’s. all I’ve got

how tall are you: I tell everyone I’m 5′11″ but honestly? I think I’m 5′9″?? I’ve got absurdly long legs (at a lil over 3 feet) so it gives me the illusion of being taller

what color are your eyes: uhhhhh, blue? but also a bit green in the right light? once they were very gray and i had a five minute identity crisis

do you wear contacts and/or glasses: according to the optometrist, yes? but one, they’re just reading glasses and two, I forget that I own them so I won’t wear them until the migraines get too bad cause I’m stupid

do you wear braces: not anymore, thank fuck!! I have a permanent retainer along the back of my bottom teeth, though. 

what’s your fashion style: occasionally feminine, mostly fuckboy? I dress in a manner that makes it hard to determine my gender/sexuality/age?? most of my shirts used to belong to my dad and I’ll wear skinny jeans in 110+ degree Fahrenheit weather. also i only own one pair of tennis shoes that i rarely wear because 90% of the time it’s black combat boots. and one pair of cowboy boots

when were you born: september 22, 1999! on that day in history the US spy Nathan Hale was hanged by the British in 1776 :D

how old are you: 18 but i feel like a 1950s housewife high on drugs. that’s not an age but like. yknoww

do you have any siblings: I have one half-sister that I know, then two other half-siblings that I’ve never met

what school/college do you go to: no school or college for this idiot, I’m disappointing everyone I know and avoiding school for as long as I possibly can

what kind of student are you: I was the sort that never did any work until the last minute and half the time I found ways to convince other people to do a lot of it for me. I was never dumb, and I excelled fairly well in history/english/theatre, but like math and science shit? I was really bad at it, so I’d work my way around that by befriending the nerds. I also refused to read a lot of books for english throughout high school simply because they were all shit but i also never read the cliff’s notes so to be honest? i have no idea how i passed. i’m a fast typer so in some classes when the teacher was asking questions i’d already have answers and shit queue’d up? all the teachers liked me but the asshole teachers? I was their Favorite because I, too, am a sarcastic little shit like them. (specifically my government teacher, advanced english teacher, and that final theatre teacher i had)

what are your favorite subjects: psychology, government and economics, theatre, english, almost any home econ class, and i already said theatre but like. ESPECIALLY theatre.

what are your favorite movies: The Labyrinth, Jumanji, Stardust, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, Hercules, Deadpool, Burlesque, Silent Hill, Grease, and I don’t know if I’d consider it a favorite but I watched Leap! today, twice, and cried both times so. 

what are your pastimes: reading, writing (fiction and poetry), listening to an absurd number of podcasts, daydreaming, cleaning, drawing eyes on everything, drinking coffee, uhhhhhh. spinning really fast until the circles until the world is still a blur even when i’m standing still.

do you have many regrets: if there’s any one person out there that has no regrets, they’re probably a shitty 2D excuse of a person. 

what is your dream job: I want to be a NYT bestselling author, that’s the job I want more than anything in the world, but there are a few other things that all equally come a close second so.

I want to get my doctorate in psychology, and I wanna work with either criminals or teenagers.

I want to make either short films or podcasts? I haven’t decided yet, but I’m too visual of a person to not take advantage of at least one of those.

I want to do more with theatre. I don’t think acting is something I could do, at least not anytime soon, but. I have so many stories to tell and, like with the films/podcasts, I’d love to just do one thing onstage. I love set building and the idea of choreographing every move to mean something it just. i love theatre

and, lastly, I want to just travel. I think I’d do this with any of these jobs, but I wanna go everywhere I can possibly go

would you like to get married: I mean in theory, yes? but I’ve never been provided with very good examples of healthy marriages so I don’t think that’s something I’ll be comfortable with for. a long time. BUT THAT BEING SAID, weddings? I love the idea. If I could just have a wedding without the actual marriage that’d be fantastic. I’ve been planning it out for so long I just. ignored the part where I needed a partner (basically I just wanna wear a fancy ass dress and be adored and eat cake??)

do you want kids? if so how many: I adamantly refuse to give birth to any living, sentient thing. My family doesn’t seem to grasp this but I hhhhhate the idea of giving birth. It absolutely horrifies me, and also? I just don’t like small children. I’ve got the patience of a hand grenade when it comes to small kids cause like. they can’t read?? I literally do not remember how the fuck i learned how to read one day i was illiterate and then suddenly i had a college reading level in third grade???? i can’t handle kids they’re just so. egh. BUT I’m okay with older kids? and also they’re the ones less likely to be adopted from the foster system so like. I wouldn’t mind, one day when I’m older, fostering older kids? 

how many countries have you visited: I have not left Texas/Oklahoma since I was seven years old. someone please save me

what was your scariest dream: oh where do I start?

the dream where the rocking horse flies from Alice in Wonderland ripped the skin from my face? (I was five)

the one where I watched three witches perform an autopsy on my mom? (I was five)

the one where I continued to dig a bloody gouge into the side of my face and no one bothered to question it? (recent dream!)

I have been visited infrequently by a very large ant since I was about six?? but these were less dreams and more vivid hallucinations? the first time it happened i woke up in the middle of the night and watched this ant crawl across my body? and then another time in broad daylight i watched it crawl through a large dollhouse like it lived there? but it left when my friend returned?? 

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other: i don’t know? i mean i guess not, not really? it’s weird and complicated, but it’s all good!! complicated is my middle name :’’)

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping the first 15 songs: i have like a million playlists so I’ll just put the first song of each!

"When You Loved Me Least” by Michl

“Fine!” by Mal Blum

“Never Wanted to Dance” by Mindless Self Indulgence

“More Than Survive” from Be More Chill

“Girls” by Marina and the Diamonds

“All I Want” by Kodaline

“Traveling Song” by Ryn Weaver

“The End of All Things” by PATD

“Neptune” by Sleeping At Last

“Maps” by Keaton Henson

“Smother” by Daughter

“Fear of the Water” by SYML

“warm glow” by Hippo Campus

“Sleepover” by Hayley Kiyoko

“Whoa Whoa Whoa” by Watsky 

[38-planes]

Come From Away Actress Jenn Colella is Out, Polyamorous & Tony-Nominated

Out.com [May 8th, 2017]

One of the Broadway season’s biggest hits, the seven-time Tony nominated Come From Away is a rousing, folksy show about the real-life incident where planes were diverted to a small town in Newfoundland on 9/11 and, for the most part, its passengers were welcomed and celebrated.

A testament to human decency, the show features a gay male couple who slink around the town, terrified of stepping into homophobia, but feel way more comfortable when they realize the people there are just plain nice. The show’s LGBTQ presence is upped by the fact that Beverley Bass, the lady pilot who landed the musical’s central plane in Canada, is played by the self-described “mostly gay” Jenn Colella, who just got her first Tony nomination for Best Featured Actress in a Musical. Jenn debuted on Broadway in 2003 in Urban Cowboy and has many other credits to her name (including shows like High Fidelity and Chaplin).

I recently caught up with her to discuss her work and personal life.

Hi, Jenn, Congrats on the nomination. I heard that Beverley Bass, the pilot you play, adores the show so much, she’s a repeat viewer.

She’s seen it 62 times. She loves it. She’s not just given it her stamp of approval, she cries and gasps every time as if it’s her first time. She was the first female captain on American Airlines. She was retired, but since the show, she started to creep back into flying. It ignited it again.

When did you meet her?

Not until the last preview in La Jolla (the California venue where it played pre Broadway). In a restaurant, we spotted each other across the room and she came up to me and said, “I think you’re playing me.” I said, “I think you’re right.” She has definitely helped inform some of the things people put into the show. There are more stories she shared with the writers that got integrated, and I started adding little mannerisms of hers to make it as authentic as possible.

The message of the show is so uplifting that you must get incredible responses to it.

It’s been awesome, especially right now. It’s become the norm to be mean and spit vitriol at people, and we’ve gotten out of the practice of kindness. This shows us to practice kindness and says that we are all inherently good, which I deeply believe.

With the conversation about immigration raging, Come From Away reminds us how we need to welcome foreigners.

100%. I couldn’t agree more. When tragedy happens, you don’t care about their religion or socioeconomic background or where they stand politically. You shouldn’t at any time. I think these Canadians live this way all the time. It’s a reminder that it’s possible all the time.

Speaking of living openly: Were you always out in your career?

I wasn’t until I did an off-Broadway play [in 2008] called The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, taken from the Ann Bannon pulp fiction novels, playing a butch lesbian. I was getting a lot of attention, and it didn’t feel right not to be out anymore. It felt ridiculous, in fact. When I first got to New York, I was encouraged by people I respected to not come out. But I couldn’t do that anymore.

In 2013, you played a lesbian again in If/Then. You’re getting typecast.

[Laughs] Awesome, that’s great. Let’s do that all day long.

You told the New York Times you’re “mostly gay.” Offstage, are you dating or married?

I’m in a polyamorous relationship. I’m currently dating a married couple [a man and a woman]. They live in D.C. And I’ve also just started dating another woman.

Is she in the business?

Yes.

So these are obviously open relationships.

Yes.

In fact, you’ve said that your girlfriend is now on OK Cupid. Have you ever had longtime monogamous lovers?

Many. I’ve been married twice, and I used to joke that chicks love it when you propose.

But we haven’t had same-sex marriage long enough for you to have been married that many times.

It wasn’t legal. The first one was in ’95—a big ceremony in South Carolina [where Jenn was born and grew up]. It was a huge uproar. I was 21 and she was 10 years my elder, and the state newspaper covered my wedding and they had thousands of cancellations of the newspaper in protest. Then I remarried nine years ago, and it still wasn’t quite legal then. That one was dissolved as well. I’ll probably stop proposing. [laughs]

Why did you go ahead with these ceremonies if they weren’t legal?

The ritual of it. Humans love rituals. We like to get together and celebrate and make proclamations. It means so much. I don’t regret it. Both were incredible marriages and beautiful weddings.

What’s your best feature as person?

My practice of kindness. It’s really something I’m dedicated to. I try to treat each person I meet with respect and be as pleasant as possible.

Your best quality as an actor?

It might be the same. My present awareness helps me stay in the moment onstage. I believe I’m talented, but I think we’re all talented in New York, and a great deal of what I’ve accomplished is my leadership ability and my ability to help form a family on a show. I put myself in that position. They call me captain.

In every way!

I try to connect with each person. It’s kind of insane that I got a nomination when it’s such an ensemble show, but I put myself in the position where people look to me like a leader.

One last question about Beverley: Did she experience misogyny as a female pilot?

Absolutely. “Me and the Sky” [Jenn’s big song in the show] is almost directly taken from transcripts. She talks about the WWII pilots calling her “baby” and literally saying women don’t belong in the cockpit.

I guess they take the word “cockpit” very seriously.

[We both laugh].

THE SEASON IN GAY

The gay male couple in Come From Away aren’t the only LGBTQs on Broadway this season. Also up for Tonys: Lesbian playwright Paula Vogel’s Indecent is about a real-life Yiddish play that dabbled in lesbianism, to the horror of cultural oppressors. War Paint—a musical about warring cosmetics titans—has a character who shifts corporate allegiances, but is always true to his male partners. And in the realm of revivals: Falsettos deals with a man, his wife, his lover, and AIDS. Six Degrees of Separation centers on a real-life con artist who beds a hustler and flirts with anyone who can help him. And The Glass Menagerie’s narrator, Tom—based on author Tennessee Williams—has always had gay subtext, but with openly gay Joe Mantello playing him, it’s possible it comes out even more. The season also brought us a gay who has trouble dating, a small-town gay who’s not afraid to let his father know, and same-sex couples dancing at a ball.

Among the Tony nominees are the openly LGBTQ David Hyde-Pierce, Andrew Rannells, Gavin Creel, and Nathan Lane. And Jenn Colella! Congrats to all for a diverse and stimulating bunch of work.

A TARD DAY’S NIGHT

A polyamorous couple comprises one of the sketches in Unitard’s show Tard Core (There Are No Safe Words) at Joe’s Pub, but that sort of thing is mercilessly skewered, as per usual with this troupe. (“We have rules. You can cum in their mouth, but you can’t hold hands.”) In the riotously funny show—which will have you spitting out your overpriced wine—the comic trio also lampoons people who troll Whole Foods for tofu key lime pies; Facebook addicts who are horrified that someone else posted a photo of their breakfast burrito and got more likes than their own inane posts; and Russian hackers who discover that Hillary’s password is “Monicasucks.”

The show starts with the long running trilogy of terror—David Ilku, Nora Burns, and Mike Albo—as folk singers musically lamenting what’s happened to New York City. (“Where have all the porn shops gone? Turned into Soul Cycles and nail salons.”) But while the edge-depletion of the new NYC is one of their favorite targets, Unitard also makes fun of anyone who whines about it too much. A satirical Mod Squad for the new age, they hold a mirror to our pretensions while carving up soulless real estate agents, fruity designers who’ve crash landed on QVC, and the desperate Ann Coulter, who has a cell phone battery for a heart. Best of all are the Narcissists Olympics sketch and one in which the comics are hemorrhoids popping up in Trump's butt and dodging all the fatty foods. No one is better at satirizing up-to-the-minute foibles than these three kooks. I would just add an 11 o’clock sketch probing some really dark pathos and despair, just to bring things to a different level, but having nonstop hilarity is nothing to kvetch about.

STAND BACK

Pure entertainment was also on display at the 27th annual Night of 1000 Stevies, a riveting Stevie Nicks tribute at Irving Plaza, where “enchantresses of ceremony” Chi Chi Valenti, Paul Alexander and Hattie Hathaway, and DJ Johnny Dynell presided over swarms of twirling, spinning wiccans and vegans. The Garbo theme added yet another diva into the mix—the Jackie Factory is genius at blending metaphors—and the show sizzled with performers like Xavier, Divine Grace, and Amber Martin, who rocked the place with a fierily fierce “Angel.” “Stevie has a pre-existing condition,” I told the crowd as one of the night’s presenters. “She’s fabulous!”

SAINTS AMONG US

Tom Eubanks’ Ghosts of St. Vincent’s is a memoir about the legendary NYC hospital (now closed), which catered to AIDS patients like Eubanks, who also has researched the place’s extraordinary history from 1849 to 2010. I asked Eubanks, an old clubbing/ACT UP friend, to relate the most eye-opening things he learned about the hospital as a patient and author. He replied, “During my repeated stays during the height of the crisis, two things opened my eyes: time is subjective and friends are paramount. When you’re dying—or told that you’re dying and being asked if you’d like to see a priest about last rites—you achieve a kind of peace you never imagined on a deathbed. All sense of time ceases; it’s unnecessary, really. The only ones who gain any perspective when you’re dying are the people who visit.

“When you’re told that you will live, time and perspective return full-force. As I write in the book, it was a cruel trick Jesus played on Lazarus. That’s what AIDS did to all of us who made it through the maelstrom. The hospital’s destruction to make way for luxury housing illustrates the moving on of time we never thought we’d have. Also, it’s crucial to note that those of us who spent time on the seventh floor of St. Vincent’s learned a lot about selflessness, especially from the nurses and few remaining nuns.

“In a juicier vein, through my research I learned that St. Vincent’s was responsible for plenty of true life resurrection stories in its 161 years, with characters like Edna St. Vincent Millay, Sidney Lumet, Gloria Vanderbilt, Cardinal Franny Spellman, Ed Koch, the Ramones, Sam Wagstaff, Robert Mapplethorpe, Vito Russo, and others, about whom I write in the book.”

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

In 1982, Hal Prince directed a gigantic flop of a Broadway musical in A Doll’s Life, a sequel to the 1879 Ibsen classic A Doll’s House, about a woman who breaks free of male oppression and finds liberation. Critics thought the original play was perfect enough, thank you, and found the musical additions uninvolving and unnecessary. If anything didn’t cry out for a sequel, it seemed, it was A Doll’s House. But here comes Lucas Hnath’s new play, A Doll’s House, Part 2, which shockingly makes the same premise work. First of all, Hnath starts the action 15 years after Nora Helmer has walked out on her husband Torvald (Chris Cooper), so he doesn’t even recognize her when he’s confronted with her again. (He never did notice her much anyway). Furthermore, the play—under Sam Gold’s direction—often attains a screwball comedy tone, with modern thinking and behavior mixed in and some wacky interactions that make things seem very now. The killer is that Nora—who’s now a successful writer of women’s books and has come back to finally make her divorce official—still faces battles with each person she talks to, whether Torvald, who still can’t see how he condescends to her; the chatty maid, Anne Marie (Jayne Houdyshell), who keeps insisting that Torvald isn’t necessarily unhappy without Nora; and Nora’s even chattier daughter, Emmy (Condola Rashad), who refuses to believe Mama’s idea that while love is grand, marriage is just enslavement. The resulting debates about romantic entanglement, responsibility, and compromise are fresh and entertaining, and there’s also pathos in the fact that Nora is still seeking validation. (Hnath has said that Nora and Torvald don’t really get to hash things out in Ibsen’s play, so he wanted to give them the chance to do so).

Miriam Buether’s set has the title in neon, which rises up (as the house lights stay on throughout the play), revealing simple furniture surrounded by very tall walls, making this home feel like a difficult one to escape, especially twice. Cooper is fascinating (and refuses to make his character an ogre), Houdyshell is hilarious, and Rashad is truly electric, with direct and affectless spoutings of Emmy’s logic. As Nora, Metcalf commands the stage, using all her expert comic and dramatic skills to create one of the season’s most indelible performances. I generally deplore sequels, but I hope they do A Doll’s House, Part 3.

MULTI-CULTI BROUHAHA

Notice that when I mentioned Rashad as Metcalf’s daughter, I didn’t say anything about the fact that she’s black. Who cares? She's brilliant. And while her casting is one of director Gold’s purposely novel touches, it’s not the first time she’s played a role written for a white person. She was Juliet in 2013’s Romeo and Juliet, cast because she’s good. And this season, the African American Denee Benton is playing the female lead in Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812, and it didn’t bother me—or the Tony committee, which nominated her for Best Actress in a Musical—since she doesn’t happen to be Russian either. It’s theater. It’s acting. And I’ve long felt that people who aren’t white should not be penalized for their color and limited to roles any more than white people have been—and lord knows, Jonathan Pryce got flack for playing the Eurasian Engineer in Miss Saigon in 1991, but he also won raves and a Tony for it. Ideally, they should get the person who’ll give the best performance—and in the current production of Miss Saigon, it’s Jon Jon Briones, who’s fabulous. (And I didn’t sit there going, “But the character is half Vietnamese and half French, whereas Briones is Filipino American!”) Similarly, Glenn Close and Bette Midler might not be the right age for Sunset Boulevard and Hello, Dolly!, respectively—they’re older than what’s written—but they’re definitely the right people for the part.

Years ago, I got a screaming email from a theater writer (who just recently nabbed the critic’s job at a popular Broadway site). Since we were friendly, I thought he was going to say, “Thanks for doing that panel for me, which you just did,” but there were no niceties involved. He just launched into a fuming rant about how woefully wrong I was regarding something I’d written about multi-cultural casting. Seeing as his screechy email didn’t even bother to say specifically what he was reacting to, I had to dig into my brain and remember that months earlier, I had written a throwaway, light hearted sentence on the subject for a long-lead-time magazine. Lest I argue back, the writer’s screed included a pre-arranged defense, saying, “And don’t say people don’t usually sing in real life either!” blah blah blah, thereby trying to block any discussion on the matter. He had decided I was guilty of journalistic treason for not wanting to theatrically limit black actors to roles written for people of color—and my light hearted comment hadn’t even really said what I think on the subject.

But he guessed right. As I’ve said, I am in favor of not relegating black people to only Raisin in the Sun, Porgy and Bess, Showboat, and August Wilson plays (and some other works). Some of those are great properties, but—with white people controlling the business for so many years—it becomes an unfairly limiting palette for those who didn’t happen to be born white. So, if Audra McDonald wants to play Maria Callas, I say fine. She’d no doubt be magnificent, and I can use my imagination for five seconds and then forget about her skin color for the rest of the show. I also don’t think trans people should just play trans people. They should play all people, just like cis people get to do. And last year, I liked The Taming of the Shrew with Janet McTeer as Petruchio and the biracial Cush Jumbo as Katherina. This season, I had no problem with multiracial castings in shows like Groundhog Day and Present Laughter and I didn‘t hear anyone else gripe about it either.

Of course, someone might interject, “But what if a white person played Othello?” I’d reply that the point of multi-cultural casting isn’t for white people to get more roles. And also, that things get sticky when you’re dealing with plays that are specifically about race. But ideally, if everyone becomes able to nab a larger variety of parts, that should be a viable possibility too, once we’ve arrived at a more equitable landscape. And if some bold director tries it before then, then we’d have to accept the fact that theater should retain the power to offend (though let’s definitely stop short at Olivier-like blackface. See, white people have already played the part). It’s complicated—and case by case—but I welcome alternative viewpoints, as long as they’re clear-minded and not screaming or patronizing.