#especially since it comes after they have a minor falling out so its like. oh maybe I don't hate you

[gaydryad]

ai la by the way. anticipate much pride art come the beginning of june >:3c with everyone (three friends) leaving snapchat I must now subject you, my tumblr followers, to my creations (drawings of Death in flagrantly bad color combos)

[neon-junkie]

Troubleshooting

Summary: After the events of Tantiss, Crosshair finds himself with a cybernetic hand, and he knows a way to test all of its capabilities.

Word count: 2k

Pairing: Crosshair x f!Reader

Tags: Established relationship, Fingering, Dirty talk, Cybernetics.

“There,” Tech hums as he shuts the panel over Crosshair’s wrist, securing the instalment. “Give it a try,” he urges, and sits back to watch Crosshair test his new hand.

After the fall of Tantiss, it took Crosshair quite some time to realise what had actually happened. He lost his hand - his shooting hand, at that. Sure, he’s great with his left, but two hands are always better than one, especially if you’re missing your dominant hand.

Given that Echo opted not to have a robot hand installed, it left a spare on the Marauder - an item that everybody had forgotten about, lost in storage, only for it to finally come into use during an unfortunate turn of events.

Of course, you love Crosshair regardless. Hand or not, he’s still your man, and you’ll do everything in your power to support him. That’s why, during pillow talk a week after the event, Crosshair brought up the idea of getting on installed.

“I feel… incomplete,” he explained. He rambled on about his lack of uses, now that he’s missing a hand, and you had to remind him that he is no longer a soldier, and that he can find his new path in life. “Well, it’s difficult to become a fisherman with only one hand,” Crosshair sarcastically responded, earning a laugh from you.

That brings you to today. Tech was more than happy to install it for Crosshair, babbling about how he’s “always excited to work on cybernetic enhancements,” which would explain why Tech is always questioning if Echo needs any repairs.

Crosshair attempts to flex each of his fingers, the joints surprisingly moving with ease, causing Crosshair’s brows to lift in surprise. “Oh,” he mutters under his breath, now stretching his hand out, wiggling and adjusting each digit in every possible manner.

“Your tendons seem to be aligned, but we need to test your agility,” Tech comments.

You sit back and watch the two sync up. Tech gives Crosshair a few simple tasks - playing catch, writing, even tying his shoelaces. A few minor adjustments are made, but eventually, Crosshair decides he’s more than content.

“You know where to find me if you require any alternations,” Tech states as he rises from his seat, eager to head off - not out of impoliteness, but it’s date night, and Tech would never dream of being late for such an occasion.

Crosshair thanks his brother one final time before seeing him out, yourself saying goodbye whilst on the comfort of your sofa. The front door shuts, and Crosshair makes his way over to you, finding his place by your side.

“So,” he drags the word out. “What do you think?” He asks, wiggling his new hand in front of your face.

“It suits you,” you nod, admiring the black chrome. What other colour would Crosshair go for?

“Mhm,” Crosshair nods in agreement. He can’t help but introduce his new hand to yours, entwining your fingertips for the first time. To your surprise, the durasteel is nowhere near as cold as you expected it to be, and each finger is smooth and rounded - no sharp edges or bumps.

Crosshair’s eyes wander over the sight, your hand interlinked with his, something that he’ll never get tired of. “What does it feel like?” he questions, gesturing to the physical contact.

“Like I’m holding a robotic hand,” you reply. Ah, Crosshair is reminded why he fell for you; you match his wit and sarcasm in every way, perhaps more than he can bargain for.

A long sign escapes Crosshair’s lips as his eyes meet yours, disappointment deep within them. “Shut up,” he grumbles, but there’s a smile on his lips.

You let out a cheery hum, matching his smile. A kiss naturally follows, tender pecks on the lips, yet there’s lust within them. Nothing intimate has happened since Tantiss, minus kisses, cuddles, and crying together. You can tell that Crosshair’s confidence is growing with his new image, but is this happening too soon? Doesn’t he need time to adjust first?

In between kisses, Crosshair begins mumbling against your lips. “You love me, right?” he questions.

“Is now the time for reassurance?” you bite back, causing Crosshair to chuckle.

“Just answer the question,” he coos, then places another kiss on your lips.

“Of course, I do,” you confirm.

“And you’d do anything for me, right?”

You softly hum. “Only if you’d do the same for me,” you reply.

“I would,” Crosshair replies without missing a beat, no longer bothering with feather-light kisses. Instead, he’s pouncing on you, allowing lust and desire to drive his intentions. You find yourself lying back on the sofa, legs a tangled mess with your lovers, who is looming over you like a predator teasing its prey.

Among the smooches, tugs appear on your waistband. Crosshair is unbuttoning your pants, and as much as you want him, you’re concerned about his timing. Is this really what he needs after taking such a large step in his recovery? Has his new hand even finished installing?

“Cross-” you mutter against his lips.

“Mhm?” Crosshair pulls his lips away, although his hands don’t give up. He’s pulling each trouser leg off, yanking them over your ankles with frustration - something that he always struggled with.

“Are you sure that this is what you need right now?” You question, concern strong within your tone.

Crosshair picks up on it, and comes to a halt, resting his hands on your plush hips. “It is,” he confirms within an instant. “I need to… test it out…” he explains, raising his robotic hand up to your face. “…and I know just the way to do it.”

If Crosshair is comfortable, then you’re comfortable. And hey, there’s no harm in helping him adjust to his new attachment. If this is how he wants to adjust, then why not?

Sloppy kisses are in full swing yet again, all whilst Crosshair is putting his new hand to good use. Sold fingertips find their way to your clothed mound, trailing back and forth. His pressure changes, testing the waters, finding the balance between firm and soft, and Crosshair knows he’s found it when you let out a whimper.

“There we go,” he sighs, his cock stirring from such a small sound. Before you can reply, Crosshair has his lips back on yours, silencing you whilst his fingers do all the work.

A hook on your waistband, and your panties are being pulled from your hips, thrown across the room to be forgotten about. Firmness appears on your clit, a single digit, rediscovering your body all over again. Crosshair needs to start from scratch, following each step with the understanding that this is all new to both you, and him. Every move, the different levels of pressure, are all things that will take time to adjust to.

“A little firmer,” you comment, and Crosshair complies, ensuring that his touch is just how you like it. He’s circling your clit, causing stars to appear in your line of vision - a blacked out state in between kisses.

Crosshair has to break the kiss to bury his head into the curve of your neck, peppering kisses along your jawline. All the while, his fingertips begin to slip lower, soon testing the waters. A single finger slips into you, firmer than ever. Again, it’s not cold - far from it, yet the sensation is alien. You’ve never had a… robotic finger slip inside you before, crossing off a new box on your list.

“How is it?” Crosshair questions the second that he’s knuckle deep within you. His concern is warranted, although you know he’s also subtly asking for validation.

“Good,” you reply without missing a beat. “Firm and… new, but good.”

“You sure?” he double-checks, to which you agree with a simple, “yeah.”

“You know that, if I have any issues, I’ll tell you,” you inform him. He already knows this - he’s heard it a million times over - but it doesn’t hurt to remind him, especially during a time like this.

“I know,” Crosshair mumbles, his lips still pressed to your throat. “I wish I could still feel you,” he confesses. Only now do you realise the lack of nerves that Crosshair has in his new hand. He can’t feel anything, can he? Not your wetness, or your muscles tensing around him. Nothing.

“I guess we’ll need to train you up on your other hand,” you lighten the mood, not wanting Crosshair to wander into dark thoughts during such an intimate moment. That is a conversation for pillow talk.

“Hm, more opportunities to see you like this,” he purrs, thankfully agreeing with your plan.

Kicking things up a notch, Crosshair begins to work his finger, using a rhythm that he knows works for you. Your hands begin to wander his body, caressing each part of him, especially the growing bulge within his pants.

Your fingertips begin to dance over his buttons, but Crosshair moves your attention away. “Wait-” he stutters, his free hand redirecting your hand to his hips. “This is about testing my hand, alright?”

You can’t help but let out a laugh. “Whatever you say, dear.”

On that note, Crosshair slips another finger inside of you, hushing you within an instant. “Don’t believe me, hm?” he hums, yet you’re failing for words as Crosshair curls his fingers upwards, the firm digits pressing against that spot within you.

In the midst of your lust and admiration, you don’t realise the minor differences to his new hand. Sure, it’s firmer, and in some ways, less intimate, but it’s still him - a new part of him that both of you need to get used to, and what a way to break the ice.

The sound of squelching fills the air, and you can feel your eyes rolling to the back of your head as pleasure takes over. Crosshair picks at the opportunity to continue his attack on your neck, leaving the first of many hickeys to assert his claim on you. (Perhaps to warn the new clones that you’re already taken?)

You catch yourself muttering his name, over and over, a mix between a chant and a prayer. By now, Crosshair has his clothed, yet erect cock pressed to your inner thigh, rutting against it with every flick of his wrist. He’s so desperate for your touch, yet he refuses to allow his focus to stray from you - or from ‘testing his new hand,’ as he so put it.

“Kriff-” you curse. Allowing your eyes to open, you lock your gaze with your lover, who looks as blissed out as you do. “Cross, you know that… I’m…”

“I know,” he cuts you off. “All over my finger, please. If you’d be so kind,” he replies, wit laced within his words, as always.

The sensation of orgasming around solid digits is one that you’ll have to get used to, yet it’s nothing but pleasurable. Strange, certainly. But far from negative. Crosshair is almost panting as hard as you are, crashing his lips with yours as he continues rutting against you. During the kisses, you reach down to palm over his cock, and finally, he allows you to get a good feel.

“You need some attention,” you comment. Crosshair chuckles, but the laugher is yanked from his lips as you grasp the upper hand, finding a way to flip your positions. You’re now straddling his lap, nude from the waist downwards, whilst Crosshair is fully clothed, (with a soaking wet hand.)

Crosshair grins, oh-so-eager to not only show you some love, but spend the evening getting all of your frustrations out. Oh, all whilst testing his new hand, because that is what this is really about.

There’s desperation within Crosshair’s grasp as he begins unbuckling his pants, eager to start receiving some of his own relief. “Who do you think will wear out first?” you question, your lips against his. “You? Me? Or your hand?”

Starstruck eyes meet yours. Of course, only you could crack a little joke during the heat of things - Crosshair fell for you for a reason, after all.

“I guess we’ll just have to find out,” he bites back.

“You’re on.”

[yeonmuse]

FILL THE VOID | Day 13

PAIRING guitarists WooSan x reader

WORD COUNT | 1.8K

GENRE Smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ‼️ use of the word slut, oral , vaginal, anal teasing. Dom San , Soft Dom Wooyoung, mouth fucking, degradation

SUMMARY Sans grown a little too tired of how mouthy you are, So he and Wooyoung decide its about time you learned your place in the band.

MORE | Day 13 of the Groupie Love Series

Since joining the band you wouldn’t say that things were going completely smoothly. Since the moment you joined you and San had been at one another’s throats which the rest of the band found absolutely amusing especially Jung Woououng. Wooyoung had never seen anyone get San as pissed off as you would get him. While wooyoung loved how mouthy and bratty you would act at times, San hated it, and anytime you spoke all he wanted to do was put you in your place. Your little prissy spoiled attitude completely pissed San off. Tonight was the night he just about had enough of your mouth.

You had just come back from the afterparty of a friend of the band and you were completely drunk off your ass. After you having spilled a drink on the dj in your drunken state, Wooyoung and San were forced to carry you out.

“Are you fucking kidding me, I thought you were watching her?”

“Well I was warning her and then I happened to not be.”

“Wooyoung are you fucking serious? If you were going to bring us someone to join the group at least find us someone that knows how to be a grown fucking adult.”

“Oh fuck off, you’re always bitching about something.” You spoke up from your place on the couch, getting up you slowly make your way over to Wooyoung and sit on his lap, something you had usually done since the two of you were quite comfortable with each other now. His hands immediately rested on your waist, rubbing your sides reflexively.

“Oooho hear that Sannie, princess thinks you’re always bitching.” Wooyoung found the whole situation amusing as always, San on the other hand was not amused.

“Well princess have you ever taken a moment to realize i wouldn’t be bitching if you weren’t such a spoiled fucking princess that cant even think for herself.” He responds leaning in close finally shutting you up over and for all

“Lets not forget why you’re here sweetheart, prissy little nepo baby that got cut off by her parents. Remember you work for us sweetheart, you may be part of the band but you can be dropped at any moment. Then what will you do sweetheart hm?” He swipes his thumb over your lips and Wooyoungs grip on your waist suddenly falls down to your hips.

“Can’t do anything without us sweetheart can you? You’re so dependent on others now that you dont have mommy and daddys money to fall back on. Hell you can’t even think for yourself without asking Wooyoung or your best friend for some sort of approval.”

“I think you hurt her feelings Sannie she has nothing to say now.” Wooyoung chuckles, his fingers gently brushing over your neck.

“Did he upset you sweetheart hm?” Wooyoung places a soft kiss on your neck sending a shiver down your spine.

Between Wooyoungs kisses and Sans words you were completely stuck. San was absolutely correct, and it made you hate him more. For the first time in your life you were alone, you had to make your own money, your own decisions. You had never had to work for money or earn your parents approval like now. You hated it, you hated having to think for yourself, you hated that things weren’t coming as easy to you. So yes you fell dependent on them, dependent on them to tell you what to do, how to act, at this point you didn’t just need their approval you needed them to have complete control over your life so that you wouldn’t have to worry about a damn thing.

“Fuck you.” Was all you said as you looked into Sans eyes and he simply laughs in response. He could tell he struck a nerve.

“Aww you hear that she wants you to fuck her.”

“Jung Wooyoung Shut the fuck up.” San simply laughs at how quick the tables have turned and you’re now cursing out Wooyoung. Wooyoung immediately grabs your face and forces you to look at him.

“I think its time she learns how to speak to people Sannie.”

“I say she’ll end up bottoming out and having to use her hands.” Wooyoung chuckles as San who was now standing in front of you with a fistfull of your hair in his hands . They spoke about this like it was some kind of game for them. Like they found amusement in using you and humiliating you and you hated that it worked in getting you worked up. You hated that part of you had been wanting this, for them to fill that empty void you felt in yourself after realizing you had nothing to offer to the world. If it weren’t for your parents, your musical talent wouldn’t have even gotten you this far. Maybe the two of them could fill that emptiness inside you and make you feel useful.

“I can take it.” You finally speak up, earning an amused look from both Wooyoung and San. Wooyoung's little sweet and gentle act had gone away immediately. While san now stood towering over you you could feel the way Wooyoung was pressing your ass up against his bulge.

“Well look she finally knows how to speak again hm? Won’t speak to defend herself but wants to speak when it comes to getting used like some pathetic slut.” San brushes his thumb over your cheek

“I bet she’ll be a good girl for us now right sweetheart?” Wooyoung looks at you and flashes that heartwarming smile of his as you give him a nod. He gently caresses your thigh. Compared to the San he was a lot more calm and gentle but surely that wouldn’t last.

“Go ahead and Look at San Princess.” Wooyoung demands and San immediately lifts your head forcing you to stare into his eyes to distract from the pain of Wooyoung stretching you out.

“So when it comes to taking dick she listens so well, but can't follow simple instructions?” San chuckles and shoves his fingers into your mouth to make you quiet down while Wooyoung completely bottoms out inside you.

As your eyes remained locked on Sand , Wooyoung took advantage of the moment and lifted you up before slamming you back down onto his cock. When the pain subsided the way he stretched you out and the lewd sounds that spilled from his lips upon you clenching around him made it feel like heaven.

“Holy fuck.” Wooyoungs head immediately fell back onto the couch and his nails dug into the skin on your waist as he adjusted to how tight you were.

“If you keep clenching like this I’ll cum quickly.” He breathes out earning a snicker from San.

“Open up Sweetheart.”San demands before pulling his fingers from your lips. He loved the way your sweet eyes gazed into his like you were ready for him. As your mouth hangs open he smiles and immediately shoves in his entire cock down your throat, completely bottoming out.

out.

“Maybe this is what you meant for sweetheart, being a needy little toy.” He growls, his head falling back as he takes in the feeling of your mouth around him. Grinding his hips against your face as Wooyoung finally starts to move fucking into your cunt from his seat on the couch beneath you. He then forces his fingers between your folds. He releases a moan at how easily he's able to bury his fingers into your soft cunt. The squelching sounds immediately earn a groan from each of them.

You took Sans thrusts so easily, eyes trained on him above you as you begin to suck, one hand on his thigh to keep yourself still and the other on your breasts. Falling into the rhythm was surprisingly easy and felt very fucking natural with the two of them. You were quite occupied on all ends with Wooyoung fucking up into you, one of his thumb’s rubbing over your asshole as if threatening to push it in. You were feeling overwhelming pleasure on all ends, you bounced against Wooyoungs thrusts, forcing you to take San further down your throat each time. This was your opportunity to show both men you were worthy of them being chosen by Wooyoung.

While San and Wooyoung seemed to be lost in the sensation of both your holes.You on the other hand, you were a moaning mess, fingers digging into Sans thigh as he fists your hair and fucks your throat. The slurping and gagging noises that spilled past you lips were enough to make him cum right then and there, but he didn’t, he just kept fucking your pretty lips as if he were trying to permanently shut you up.

“You’ll be responsible for taking care of her throat after this jackass, she's our lead singer.” Wooyoung grunts out as he watches you gag and choke on his close friend's cock.

“Should have thought of that before she got mouthy” Following his words San forces the rest of his dick down your throat earning a cry from you as you feel the head of his cock excessively abuse your throat.

It was starting to become too much for your body to handle for your first time and your body jerked Wooyoung's lap earning a soft coo from the latter.

“Looks like sweethearts ready to cum already.” He grunts as he uses the one hand placed on your hip to make you bounce in his lap.

You were basically Squirming in his Wooyoung's lap now, overstimulating now, setting in as he mercilessly drilled into you until you felt him twitch against your walls. Wooyoung was no longer being gentle and San was now rocking his hips, fucking your mouth and muffling every moan that threatened to escape your mouth. You simply whimpered pathetically, clawing at his thigh, clenching around Wooyoung, it pulled a grunt from him, he pulled you down harder onto him forcing a cry from your mouth which was swallowed up by Sans cock.

“Shit!”

Without any warning san forces himself to reach the back of your throat as he finishes in your mouth. Shooting his load into the depths of your throat, while Wooyoung panted and moaned behind you. You squeezed your thighs together and he let out a choked moan, thrusting harder, you moved your hips so he was grinding against you as he thrust, bumping against your from behind.

He paused his thrusting, one hand came down to under your thigh, pulled your leg up to your chest. As he speeds up his pace the sound of skin on skin grows loud throughout the tour bus and as if on cue both of you cum in unison. Your head falls back onto Wooyoung's shoulder as you struggle to catch your breath.

[pressplay-if]

ooooh, having both the top 2 popular fandom ships involve the MC is a recipe for drama 👀 not been into a lot of bands, but been in LOT of fandoms 😂 it always creates this weird tension between the stans... awkward for Zima and Stevie who I imagine as very chill w eachother actually 😅

I can see the ship wars now: MCevie and MCima rising in popularity together, and shippers butting heads immediately. MCima's getting accused of romanticing toxicity, and MCevie's getting called boring prudes. Character attacks on the shippers, turning into attacks of the ships, turning into attacks on Stevie/Zima as people. Stans getting even madder at each other trying to defend their favs. Fanfic stereotypes emerging in both ships where Stevie/Zima get villainized in the respective MCima/MCevie fics... Zima reduced to just a player/slut manipulating and abusing the MC, contrasted to an angelic Stevie. Stevie as an annoying, clingy two-faced bitch only pretending to be nice, getting in the way of the OTP (characterization gets even harsher if Zima/MC is an MLM ship 😒). 'Are u an MCevie or an MCima?' being an actual divisive Thing in the fandom. The tiny contingent of Zima/Stevie shippers that pop-up just as counterculture to it all, that come out with surprisingly compelling stuff.

And in the end it was all just a very vocal minority, but Zima and Stevie stans still get a little anxious around each other after all the drama 😭 the vast majority are not rabid, and are in fact crossing their fingers that the other is gonna be chill about their fav 🥲

LOVE the shippers not even considering Angel for MC tho - he's really got perpetual comic relief/'only exists as a character to help the main pair get together' written all over him. Curveball for everybody when my MC ends with him in the end 🤭

Oh damn this ask is everything. Yeah Stevie and Zima are... surprisingly cool with each other, once the entire thing with Zima and MC is resolved. They can even become really good friends.

Ngl I can totally imagine it going the exact way you described. Fandoms can be so downright horrible, especially when they're about real life people. Like, I've mostly only lurked in fandoms in my earlier years, so I saw some... interesting things. And I'm glad I never got into it deep enough to partake in any controversies. And nowadays I kinda enjoy those videos about toxic fandoms and, like, their rise and fall hehe

I have nothing more to add to the analysis you gave. An essay for the ages. Sadly, it reads entirely plausible

And yes since Angel is rather average in his looks and presentation of himself, whenever someone's talking about him, it's actually about his guitar playing lol. Like its "oh monsanto was really laying it down at that live show" not "omg I wonder who he's shacking up with" and then when MC gets with him, all the stans just go "huh"

[doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou]

Prophecies

Canis Minor (2)

> larissa weems x fem!reader

> requested? no!

> content/warnings: idk what the fuck this is so idk what warnings i should put 🤷🏻‍♀️

> a/n: literally a writer's random thought to another taylor swift song, anw here's the song. Guilty as Sin? tbh i don't know if the song connects to the story but who cares? oh, i do 😭

Drowning in the Blue Nile

She sent me 'Downtown Lights'

I hadn't heard it in a while

My boredom's bone deep

This cage was once just fine

Am I allowed to cry?

“In what universe did she ever say that to you?” Vlad, may the universe bless his nonexistent soul, asked you.

Meeting Vlad in your first year of teaching was not part of your itinerary in Nevermore, especially befriending the vampire. Yet, things just seemed so normal when you were with him. His straightforwardness stilled you to the ground, and your imagination led him to the stars. You'd assume it was a friendship between the skies themselves. But as time went by, you couldn’t help but feel irritated, as his memory seemed to fail him once more in your latest gossip discourse.

Scratching your nape, you turned to observe the plants sitting on your windowsill. “If my memory serves me right,” you hummed and gave Vlad a glance. “The other night?”

Rolling his eyes, Vlad took a swig of his bloody Mary. “You were with Marilyn the other night.” Lowering his drink to the table, he tsked before giving you a disapproving shake of his head. “I do not like this side of you.”

“That makes the two of us.”

I dream of cracking locks

Throwing my life to the wolves

Or the ocean rocks

Crashing into her tonight

She’s a paradox

I'm seeing visions, am I bad?

Or mad? Or wise?

“How long have you had forget-me-nots in the greenhouse, Mar?”

Marilyn hummed before looking at you and then at the flowers you now hold. “I’ve had them since I moved here.”

Frowning, you set the pot down and walked towards Marilyn. “I was there when you moved here, was I not?” Sitting on a chair next to her, you watched Marilyn weed her plants and toss them in the bin next to her.

Kneeling upright, Marilyn took a quick look at you before going to her desk. She took a picture frame and gave it to you before kneeling down to continue her work. Inside the frame was a picture of the faculty, with Marilyn and Larissa in the middle, you on Larissa’s left, and Vlad on yours. You traced the picture down to the date signed below it.

11/23/22

Nevermore Faculty

Holding the picture tight, you frowned as you jogged your memory to remember what happened that day. Yet, after minutes of trying, the only thing you got was a migraine. You groaned and went to Marilyn’s desk to return the frame to its rightful place. “Thank you, Mar. I’m afraid I have to go now.”

Watching you leave the greenhouse, Marilyn sighed. She didn’t know how to tell you. And she’s sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one telling you. Let Vlad or whoever else tell you, just not her. No, scratch that, not Vlad. There was only one person who would tell you. It needs to be that person. Not your friends. It needs to be her.

What if she's written 'mine' on my upper thigh?

Only in my mind?

One slip and falling back into the hedge maze

Oh, what a way to die

“It is getting worse, Marilyn!”

“We can’t tell her, Vlad, not us.”

Sighing, Marilyn watched as Vlad paced vigorously in her office. Although you were their friend, it was not their story to share with you. They couldn’t tell you the whole story without the other side. They couldn't let you hate her while she resents herself for allowing what happened to you to happen.

“The school will open in a few weeks, Mar. She cannot stay in that godforsaken office until then. We need someone to boss us around!” Marilyn understood where Vlad was coming from. In three weeks, the gates of Nevermore will be opened, and the principal has yet to come out of her office. Since the incident, Larissa has chosen to hide within her office. And as the days pass, one by one, the members of the faculty start to lose their minds. They do not know how to function without Larissa, the lone similarity all of them shared.

“She is punishing herself.” Groaning, Vlad opened his bottle of whiskey and took a swig.

“Vlad!” Marilyn hissed as the coach slumped beside her. “It is the middle of the day!”

“And? What is your point, dear friend?” With that, Marilyn slapped Vlad’s arm and left the office to tend the greenhouse.

I keep recalling things we never did

Messy top lip kiss

How I long for our trysts

Kicking down her office door was not part of the plan, to Marilyn, that is. But for Vlad? It was the first plan B he thought of if Larissa didn’t open the door for them as they knocked. “Larissa! There you are!”

Feeling for the light switch, Marilyn narrowed her eyes as she turned the light on. Only to find the office devoid of any life, apart from a rather emotionless Larissa. “Principal Weems, we apologize for kicking your office door open.” She slapped Vlad on the arm, earning her a scoff from the vampire. Giving Vlad a glare, she tilted her head toward Larissa.

“Ugh, fine.” Marilyn heard Vlad whisper, “I apologize for kicking your door open.” Strolling forward, Vlad sat in front of Larissa’s desk, making Marilyn shake her head in disapproval. “Unbelievable,” she whispered.

Tapping the desk to get Larissa’s attention, Vlad observed the woman before him. This wasn’t the same woman who hired him. That woman was fierce, and the woman in front of him was weak, lifeless, and emotionless. “Larissa, speak to us.” Vlad saw Marilyn join him in his peripheral vision and nodded towards the redhead.

“Please, Principal Weems.”

Turning to look at the two teachers before her, Larissa’s eyes turned glassy. Yet she blinked them away, not wanting her colleagues to see her so sensitive. “Yes, Coach Vlad? Marilyn?”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Letting out a chuckle, Larissa rolled her eyes. “Do not patronize me, Vlad.”

Frowning, Marilyn shook her head and took Larissa’s hand in hers. “It’s true. It wasn’t your fault, Larissa. None of it was. It was an incident beyond your control.” Marilyn tightened her hold on the blonde’s hand, desperately trying to let the blonde believe that what happened to you was not her fault.

“It was an incident only she could control,” Vlad added. This made Larissa turn her head toward him, her eyes asking what he meant.

“She,” Vlad gave Marilyn a look before continuing, “had visions of the incident happening, yet she did nothing to prevent it.”

“Why?”

“Visions come to her like prophecies, Larissa. Surely you know why they are called that?” Vlad asked his boss humorously. “Changing a prophecy would mean changing the course of someone’s future.” Shaking his head, Vlad stood up and went to the nearest window. Catching you teaching one of the faculty your tricks in archery, he let out a teary chuckle before turning to look at the women in the room.

“It would mean changing the course of your future, and she couldn’t do that to you. Not when she understands that in every future you have, she isn’t part of it.”

Without ever touching her skin

How can I be guilty as sin?

[kairiscorner]

AWOO AWOO ANON IS BACK WITH ANOTHER GWEN PROMPT 🚨🚨🚨 (but it’s abt like parent talk and annoyances so its okay if you don’t wanna do this <33)

HELLO P!! Hehehejhee I hope ur doing well!!! I just come up with a bit of a wholesome kinda angsty idea

Details: reader comes to Gwen’s apartment to rant abt parental issues (minor inconveniences, bickering with parents, details that are pretty minor but it’s so triggering)

LIKE

(Alam mo yung usual na pinapagsabihan ka like they’re scolding/annoyed kahit na minor lang yung topic 😅?)

Ex. “Ugh my mom rolled her eyes and honestly scoffed when i talked abt Barbie etc.”

(Tas pag tatay nakakatakot mag salita parang galit lagi)

Ex. Pag sinigaw pangalan to call you tas pagutos. BASICALLY ACTING LIKE HE’S BETTER GANON

(TAS LIKE YOU HAVE TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS W BOTH) ((ofc it’s different for everyone but idk why i feel like this is almost universal BKA AKO LANG HAHAHAHAH))

AHEM

So! Just a deep talk with Gwen about how she deals with bickering/fights with her dad would be a cool conversation!! Especially since it’s only them too

(Doesn’t hav to be specific! You can play around with it ofc!! Loaf u and hav a splendid week <3)

(AY CLARIFY LANG suggestions r different from fanfic reqs right..? I don’t wanna be makulit sa suggestions tas yun pala bawal ehe ^^”)

HI POOOO ooo i love the idea! esp bc i'm always one to rant about my parents when we fight 😭😭😭 loaf u too platonically boo 🫶🫶and also, yes! suggestions would be kind of like an idea, but not really asking for a fic to be made, just an idea you wanna share (at least that's how it's gonna be like on my blog!) PERO OK, I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS !!

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

gwen plopped herself down on the edge of the bed next to you, her expression full of dismay and aggravation. you looked over at her with a semi-fretful gaze. "what happened, gwinny?" you asked her as she sighed and looked into your eyes. "it's my dad, again..." she muttered as she covered her face with her hands, falling back down on your bed as your eyes followed her. you lay down on your side next to her and gently asked her in a whisper if she wants to talk about it. gwen breathed in deeply removed her hands from her face and looked at you from the corner of her eye.

"oh, where to even begin?" she asked aloud to nobody in particular, smiling ever so slightly in an ironic manner as she looked up at your ceiling. she didn't speak for a few moments, until she finally found the strength to open up, even by a tiny bit. she opened up about how her father has been putting a curfew on her, after hearing her sneak back into her room after her nightly patrols. she got mad at him for enforcing that curfew, and he got mad at her for not realizing how all he wants is for her to be safe. "he just wants to feel at ease, like he's not... like he's not failing as a dad." she grumbled out as her eyebrows scrunched up a little as her gaze towards your ceiling morphed into a glare.

"i get how he wants me to be safe, bravo for you dad, but... at least i come home. you leave all the time, what difference does it make if i'm not there at home? what difference does it make when we're both on patrol, we're both concerned about the city and each other, i have your back, it's just... you don't know i'm the one doing the saving, which is good for you." gwen ranted as her voice became softer, as if her inner turmoil had simmered down and hearing her speak her thoughts out was less gratifying than she thought it'd be. gwen breathed in deeply as you moved closer to her, not tearing your eyes away from her one bit.

"i know how you feel, kinda. i sometimes feel like my parents never want me to have any fun, but at the end of the day... they do it for a reason. might not always seem like good reasons, but trust me when i say that among all those reasons," you placed a hand on her shoulder, which caused her to look at you with eyes shimmering with twinkles of shame in them, slight shame that she spoke about her father that way, but they were still gleaming with confusion and frustration, "his love for you as your dad is the biggest reason of all." you finished with a smile as gwen's expression went from agitated to remorseful.

gwen leaned over towards you and pressed her forehead against yours. she gently took your hand in hers and interlocked your fingers together. "thank you... well, i have a lot of explaining to do the minute i get home, then. can't really tell him i've been spider woman for the night again, but i can't really tell him any other made up reason. i just... i want him to stop worrying sometimes." she confessed as you squeezed her hand. you chuckled as you brushed away her hair from her forehead. "he's a dad, he's supposed to worry." you reminded her as you kissed her forehead. "and it's okay." you said as gwen wrapped her arm around your waist and hugged you.

"i guess... sorry i had to dump this all on you when you're supposed to be sleeping." "gwen, never be sorry for letting off some steam. you work so hard to save people you don't even know... and yet you're hesitant about saving yourself. let me save you, at least once for all the times you've saved me." you said as you hugged gwen back. gwen couldn't murmur a 'thank you' anymore as she felt like that wouldn't be enough to do you justice. she held on to you tighter, wishing this moment could last longer. she swore to herself, though, that by tomorrow morning, she'd say sorry to her dad. she'd say sorry and express how she doesn't want to worry him, how she wants nothing more than for him to be at ease, to trust her. and she hopes that one day, she'll be okay with him, they'll be okay with each other; and she has you to thank for helping her realize this.

tags !! @fiannee @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy

[thegreatestloverofall]

Seeing stars-C.Sturniolo PART 1!

Songs that i recommend listening to while reading this series:

Where is my mind?-pixies

Runaway-lil peep

No more tears- Ozzy Osborne

Warnings:NSFW. If you are a minor or are uncomfortable with this topic DNI! Some angst? Fluff at the end! Lots of dialog. use of Y/n.

(NSFW IS THE OTHER PARTS)

Any disrespect and bullying towards me or my followers/readers will be BLOCKED!

English isn't my first language so I'm sorry in advance if my spelling+grammer isn't good!

no proofread!

words:1266

Key:

Y/n: Red

Chris: Orange

Nick: Purple

Matt: Blue

Olivia: Green

Others: Pink

Y/NS VIBE:

Summery: Y/n fall's in love with the schools biggest player, Chris Sturniolo. But what happens when he falls harder?

Chris's POV:

My phone rang for the 100th time today; Olivia's been bombarding me with questions about why I didn't go to her sweet 16. I open up one of her voice messages and I cringe as soon as I hear her high-pitched voice.

"Hey, bub. Why didn't you come to my birthday? I picked out an outfit just for you and you didn't come!"

God, that voice made me want to drive Matt's car off a bridge. I never understood why I chose Olivia. Hell, I could have any girl I want from our so-called "school" and I chose her. All the guys in my grade are drooling over her but oh, Jesus, they should run 1000 miles away from that woman.

I opened one message after another and they where all the same, some of them saying "you'll never find someone like me" and some "please come, I miss you, hun". Miss me my ass. The last time she missed me was when she was drunk at a club and she needed me to drive her back home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

y/n's POV:

School has never been on my list of favourite things. Its probably the opposite. I put on one of my old band shirts and some baggy shorts. I'm not poor but I'm not necessarily rich, My parents work aboard a lot so I get the apartment to myself for months on end.

There are multiple groups in my school, I'll name them out for you.

1: Band kids

2: The stanley obsessed kids

3: The lacrosse players

4: Goths

5: Academically smart people

Yeah, that cliché shit. I'm one of the "band kids". Our school doesn’t really have bullying but we have DRAMA. Lots and lots of it, actually, It's mostly the Stanley obsessed kids and the lacrosse players that start it. I think you can guess what type of drama it is:

"Oh my God, Elijah, you totally just ruined my stanley!"

"Alex, let me wear your jersey!"

Yep, We have THOSE types of girls. God they annoy the FUCK out of me. Especially Olivia, all she does is pop a tit and she get anything she wants from her boyfriend Chris. Ewewewew.

-

I walked into the school building and I could already smell the odor from the bathrooms and changing rooms, I took one whiff of the school air and I felt nauseous. My friends walked up to me and I already mentally prepared myself for some useless yapping about them breaking their guitar strings and the gig we have next week. I gazed across the hall and spotted none other then The Chris Sturniolo making out with his "girlfriend" Olivia. I wrinkled my nose and looked away, I really didn't need to see the person I loved the most making out with the person I loathed, especially at 7 in the morning. Bloody hell, they should get a room, Honestly, it's embarrassing.

"Yo, y/n, you going to the gig this weekend? We desperately need a lead guitarist since Griffin fell sick".

I turned around as soon as i heard that familiar voice. I looked up and saw my closest friend Jett, we've been friends since K-garden and we both have a love for music. That's basically how we bonded, we're both 17 and hate Olivia.

"yuh i'll be there. send me the adress-"

I get cut off by Olivia screaming at chris about something.

"YOUR REALLY GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME?"

"well yeah, you've been annoying me all week and I'm sick of your bullshit, your a homophobic little bitch and I'm finished with your BS"

"WHAT ABOUT PROM? DON'T YOU FEEL ANYTHING AT THIS POINT? WHAT ABOUT ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE TOGETHER??"

"I'm not going with you Olivia, you've bullied my brother for being gay and thats unacceptable. I'm disgusted by how I've always sided with you and lost multiple friends because of you. we're over"

Chris glanced at me as he walked off and i gave him a small smile, knowing that i'll see i'm english again due to him not being with Olivia in the janitors closet during 2 and 3rd period. Me and Jett walked to homeroom in a comfortable silence as Olivia stormed off into the janitors closet to cry or to call her father to pick her up.

-

2:00pm.

an hour and a half until the next gig. I sit down next to Chris's seat in English while fiddling with my guitar pick, waiting for class to start. Suddenly, I hear the door open and Chris steps inside for the first time this semester. I look him up and down and smile to myself, knowing damn well he won't have a clue on what we're doing in class.

He sits down next to me and raises an eyebrow when i quickly look away.

"You've never had an attractive boy sit down next to you?"

Holy shit his cockiness is sickening.

"I've seen far more attractive boys at gigs. Sorry if that bruises your ego."

I mutter as I turn to page 25 of my book and start reading the page.

"Oh come on. I bet you haven’t seen much. I'm the most attractive guy at school. You gotta admit that I AM a bit attractive"

I scoff and put my headphones on. God he was so obnoxiously cute it was sickening, I couldn't help but smile as he pouted and opened his book. He had a mix of confusion and flipped through a few pages of the book "private peaceful" with the look of pure shock displayed on his face. He tapped on my shoulder and whined,

"hey pleaseee help me with this work. I don't know ANYTHING about this book and we have a whole book report to write about this book. I'll pay you back!"

I groaned and reluctantly put my headphones off, glancing at the book and then back at him.

"how much you talkin'?"

I raised an eyebrow as be pondered on the price of my "tutoring".

"I'll pay you fifty bucks if you tell me about the book and one hundred if you write the book report for me"

My eyes widened as I head the price, I looked up at him with a confused expression.

"A HUNDERED DOLLARS FOR TUTORING? HOW RICH ARE YOU??"

I suddenly slap my hand to my mouth, embarrassed that those words slipped out of my mouth. He turns a deep shade of red and i instantly feel stupid for asking him. Of course he was rich. He was a bloody lacrosse player.

"I'm so sorry I shouldn’t have said that. You don't have to reply."

God I was so embarrassing. His gaze softened and looked down at me, smiling at me he told me:

"I guess my parents make a lot of money. Don't worry, you're not embarrassing. I'll give you my number. Call me this evening. I'd like to get to know you."

I look at him with a expression of pure shock and type is number into my phone while the bell rings, signalling the end of class.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chris's POV:

"I guess my parents make a lot of money. Don't worry, you're not embarrassing. I'll give you my number. Call me this evening. I'd like to get to know you."

I chuckle as she looks up at me with a shocked expression. I really liked her vibe. After Olivia created a whole situation with me breaking up with her, I wanted to find a new female friend. Y/n had the vibe i've been looking for all this time.

Yours truly, R.A.Y.Č.E.K☆🍓𖦹🍒𖦹☆

COMMENT IF YOU WANNA BE ON THE TAGLIST!

taglist: @tillies33ssss @bazooka-cazooka @christhopersturniolo

[faroreskiss]

How many times did we support each other? (+18)

Read on Ao3

This is my attempt at writing smut without a proper plot, with a slight plot twist… Palate cleanser as 2024's first post! Every time I try writing smut, I end up writing a 5 million words backstory, so let's see where this try takes me! It is not your usual ZeLink I guess, Also a secret pairing. ENJOY!

TW: Kind of morally ambigious. No judgement but the dynamic could be disturbing for a few. MINORS DNI! Shameless smut.

(Beta read inc by the lovely @beyondtheglowingstars)

Thank you Nova and @xxbuttercup for helping me feed this idea into reality!

“Yeah… yeah keep doing that… Fuck…” she whispered, almost hissed through her half parted lips. They were both upright on the living room floor and on their knees. Zelda was in front of Link, pressed onto him, with her legs curved as he squeezed with his right hand and held her firm from her breast.

What did Zelda mean? Of course, she just wanted him to keep using his left hand. She wanted him to keep rubbing her as he kept thrusting from behind. She wanted him to continue pinching her nipples. Link knew she loved it. Her mewls while pressed onto his body just felt like the sweetest symphony. 

He loved touching her swollen clit, pinching her right nipple, having his mouth on and trailing it over her exposed neck. He could feel her tightening around him as a response to whatever he was doing, and how much she liked it. She could feel him getting even harder and twitching in her whenever her oh-so-decent-princessly-mouth uttered a profanity. He could feel her breath quickening and her whimpers when he closed his mouth on her earlobe, gently nibbling. 

Well… At this point, every subtle motion had its meaning between them. During - nay, especially during these particularly heated moments. There was no shame between them anymore. Things just happened, as if they were already meant to be.

Practice makes perfect after all.

“...Ah..Zel…” Link moaned silently, sending a gentle vibration to Zelda from his mouth on her neck from behind. His ruts were becoming more frantic. Their bodies were getting sweaty, making all kinds of sloppy sounds between his chest and her back. He could feel her … fluffier inside, so swollen, massaging him in a rhythm to coax an orgasm in a way he can't resist. 

Zelda also was not going to be able to hold out much longer, and he knew. He knew exactly what to do. Oh how she adored it. Letting go, just feeling safe within the sea of pleasure. 

“Good girl… “ he whispered in his sultry yet slightly high baritone. He was trying hard not to show how close he is himself, but knew Zelda noticed everything as he did. Just like how he noticed her breath hitch when he said between his pantings  “Be a good girl and come for me, will you?”

He continued whispering sweet nothings to her ear, as he kept making sweet circles on her clit with his middle finger, coated with their wetness. Zelda was digging her nails to his outer thighs, trying to get the support she desperately needed to stay in one piece without collapsing from the waves of pleasure that were about to hit her.

One of her arms snaked around his neck, pulling on his low ponytail as she also kept riding him, feeling him fight against her. Making a groan escape his lips. She shivered. 

When everything finally came undone, and practically synced at this point, Link caught her and squeezed her close to his body so she wouldn’t fall face down, as he filled her warm and swollen insides up. After spending a few more moments him hugging her and calming down, since that was their favorite part, just him staying in her a bit more. He finally slipped out of her in a “plop” (Thank Hylia for Chu-condoms!).

They slowly lowered down on their back to the floor, still breathing quick and heavy. Taking a few more minutes to calm down, Link put his head gently on Zelda’s chest, Zelda making circles with her fingers on his scalp.

Gradually Zelda rose, taking her clothes from the floor, mumbling “Gonna go take a quick bath,” to which Link simply nodded. She knew where everything was anyway. 

______

How many times did they do this? None of them knew. It wasn’t always this perfect, it took a lot of communication and most importantly, lots of practical application. 

______

After they both cleaned up and dressed up, they went out from Link’s cozy cabin near the LonLon Ranch to meet with the rest of their friends in Castle Town. Zelda still had to dress up like a commoner so people wouldn’t be able to tell. Luckily, her father was still more involved in governmental matters and she still had some breathing room, which she used to socialize. In various ways. 

They met up with Malon, who was the girl from LonLon Ranch, Link met her when they were kids and introduced her to Zelda. And also the twins Mido & Saria, with whom Link always had a bitter smile whenever he heard their names mentioned. Apparently he had a few childhood friends that had the same name. 

They were having a few drinks at Yan’s bar in the Back Alley, having a good time. Link was particularly nervous this evening, giving escaping glances to the red haired gal sitting across him, his cheeks red with the ale hitting him.

After Saria and Mido left, Malon excused herself for a little bathroom break. Slightly tipsy Zelda poked Link with her elbow. 

“So, when are you gonna tell her?” she giggled like a schoolgirl, slightly slurring her words.

“Zelda, come on…” Of course, it was Zelda when they were out with friends, and Princess Zelda, your royal highness when they were in front of her father.

“You see how Malon looks at you, right? Come on, have some courage!” Zelda practically beamed. Not a hint of jealousy, no envy. 

“I mean… “ he took a deep breath. “Maybe I should catch her on her way back to the table?”

“Attaboy!” Zelda approved.

Link slowly tried to get up, but then was kind of violently made to sit down by Zelda, pulling the hem of his tunic down to make him sit down again.

“Silly, come here. Let’s fix you up a bit. You are a mess fairy boy.”

Link just sighed and let her adjust his tunic and hair under his hat, paying particular attention to the area of his collar. Silently checking him.

Link understood.  

“It’s fine,” he said as he awkwardly chuckled. 

“Good,” Zelda nodded as her smile spread to her face.

______

How many times did they do this? None of them knew. It wasn’t always this perfect, it took a lot of communication and most importantly, lots of practical application. 

But isn’t that always the case with friends? Communicate, resolve things, be supportive, physically or otherwise?

Were they friends with benefits? Absolutely not. Friends with benefits are complicated. 

Zelda and Link were friends. Friends only.

Link was there for her any time she needed help, Zelda was there for him whenever she was needed. In any capacity.

Despite all that communication however, this topic never came up. 

And did it not make it ever more delicious?

One day they would have to talk about it. But then, wouldn’t it make it all the more bleak?

Link chuckled to himself as he thought once again, though some doubts still plagued his mind, ale made it not that much of a big deal. He started talking to Malon.

Zelda licked her lips, as he took another sip from her ale, glancing out from the window, watching Link confess his feelings to the red head.

_____

So is this technically a MaLink fic? Who knows.

For more information regarding contraception in Zelda Universe, clicky clicky!

[queen-ofsunflowers]

OTP asks. Bumbleby… but from RIMH. 1,2,4,9,30,45,59

Obligatory OTP Asks

Ooo, this is a nice twist! Since this is an AU version of Bumbleby, please note that my answers here might differ from the canon RWBY version!

Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with ‘because I love you!’ ?

Oh, it's Yang. Yang says it in the heat of the moment and then immediately regrets it afterwards when she sees the look on Blake's face and how uncomfortable it makes her. Saying something like that to defend her actions would remind Blake of Adam and... yeah.

2. What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

Blake's first instinct is to try and calm Yang down and bring her back to reality rather than wait for it. This is especially if its a PTSD-induced nightmare. She'll make tea for her once Yang's calmed down -- something that Yang's picked up from Blake, actually. And if Yang is willing to talk about it (which she rarely is), Blake will listen and help soothe her back to sleep. Yang has some minor experience with this concerning Ruby and her own nightmares from when she was little. She also knows how Blake reacts to certain situations. She would wait for Blake to come back to reality and then start to soothe her. Make her tea to calm her nerves and see if she'll want to talk about what freaked her out so badly.

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?

This one is a no-brainer. It's definitely Yang who's the more protective of the two. A perfect example of this will come up in Chapter 10 of Day by Day. Neither of them truly need to be "protected". They're both trained as Pro Heroes. Yang and Blake protect each other.

9. What are their thoughts on having children?

Mayhaps one day, when things aren't as dangerous as they are now. Yang and Blake would definitely adopt at least one kid.

30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing?

Yang picks out something that's a bit punk for Blake's tastes. Leather pants, leather jacket. Knee-high boots. Punk-rock Blake. Blake goes for something more elegant with Yang. A simple, loose-fitting shirt and waist-high jeans. The two know what the other person likes, but they're going to add their own touch to it.

45. Can they fall asleep without the other?

Considering they live in separate rooms in their dorm, I'd say yes. Though both of them, after all the shit they've gone through, sleep little easier when the other is nearby. With Blake, this has been a given since their first year.

59. Who tops? Who bottoms?

please note that this answer applies to PLW onwards because while Yang is 18 in the current point in RiMH, Blake won't be until January.

Both. They both do. I can't see one leaning towards one side more than the other. It all depends on the mood they're in and who initiates.

[westanthewaterman]

Care For You - Engineer!Mark & GN!Captain

Rating: SFW

Word count: 1500+

Request:  hi 👋 could u maybe do a fic with the head engineer, where the captains gotten rlly injured but is hiding it from mark/the rest of the crew until mark realises something is up and hes like "huh"? and then he tries to bandage the captain up ? i love ur writing btw!!

Contents: blood and wound mentions, hints at a romantic relationship but can be read as platonic

AO3

As Head Engineer of the Invincible II, Mark has a lot of responsibilities on and off the ship. Whether it’s keeping up with the ship’s many, many systems or designing machinery to help the colonists down on the surface, there’s always something for him to do, something for him to fix. And he likes it that way. He likes being helpful, being needed. 

Which is why he’s found himself here - doing laps around the Main Control console, checking the communicator on his wrist every few minutes, and trying not to feel helpless. 

Gunther and the Captain have gone planetside to deal with a mob of hostile animals that has been terrorizing the colony ever since they’d arrived. Normally something so trivial wouldn’t be a job for the Captain but they’d insisted, desperate to get their boots on solid ground. Mark had asked to go as well but the Captain denied the request. After all, someone needed to stay to keep an eye on the ship and the only other person on board with the qualifications was Mack and the Captain would die before they left him in charge. 

So Mark waited…and waited……and waited. 

He was sure it had been hours, maybe even days. The Captain and Gunther were likely already dead, fallen prey to the aliens who would surely leave nothing but their bones left to be found. What if he never sees the Captain again? Who will run the colony? Who will captain the ship now that they were gone? Surely he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility, that kind of pressure. Would they even have the resources for a proper funeral? Who would be able to fight off the monsters to retrieve their remains? Oh, ye cruel fate! They were so young! They were so-

Mark checks the time on his communicator. 

It hasn’t even been an hour. 

So…maybe it’s not the animals he’s really worried about. Maybe, and he feels silly even considering it, maybe not having the Captain at his side makes him a little nervous. From the moment they had been elected by the Board for the position of Captain, they had never been very far away, overseeing every detail as the Invincible was rebuilt. Mark thinks maybe that’s why the original ship didn’t make it through its maiden voyage, there was no one else on board to rival his meticulous care of the vessel as it was being built. And sure, maybe the Captain couldn’t tell the difference between a plasma contractor and an electromagnetic thruster, but they did their best. 

And now, after what the two of them had dubbed the C.F.W.I. or Crazy Fucking Wormhole Incident, Mark made sure they were never more than an arm's width away. After everything they’d been through, he thinks he deserves to feel a little cautious, especially now that the two of them are…whatever they are to each other. 

Which is why, the second his communicator pings, Mark almost falls forward as he stops dead in what feels like his millionth lap around the room to read the message. 

Threat taken care of. Coming back up. Gunther needs minor medical attention.

Mark turns on his heel and sprints to the Hangar, stopping by the Medbay to let them know Gunther would be heading over shortly. 

Soon enough, the shuttle docks. The Captain steps out of the ship, supporting Gunther’s weight with an arm tight around his waist. Mark rushes over to his other side.

“You said minor medical attention.”

Gunther waves him off. “I’m all good, just a flesh wound and all that. I’m just dizzy from the blood loss.”

Mark sighs with a shake of his head and helps the Captain get Gunther to Medbay. Once they’ve dropped him on one of the cots, Mark turns to the Captain.

“Are you alright? Did you get hurt at all?”

“I’m fine, Mark, really. Thank you for the concern.”

He squints his eyes, looking them up and down before nodding. “I trust your word, Captain. So how did it go?”

They shrug. “Nothing we couldn’t handle. It was nice to get out on the field again, I missed the action.”

The Captain’s eyes are beginning to droop, eyelids feeling heavy. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Captain?”

“Yeah, I just need to go lay down, I think. All this time in space has got me out of shape.”

“...Okay, but you let me know if there’s anything I can do for you, yeah?”

They reach out and stroke the side of his face gently. “Of course, Mark.”

It’s been four hours since the Captain left for their quarters and Mark hasn’t heard a peep from them. It’s unlike them to take naps, especially during working hours, so he decides to go check and make sure they’re okay. 

Mark stops in front of their door, pressing the little button above the scanner to ping them. When there’s no answer, he frowns, sending them another message from his communicator. After waiting a few minutes with no response, Mark decides to just go in. Maybe the Captain would be grumpy at him for interrupting their rest, but at least he would know they were okay. 

He presses his hand to the scanner and the door slides open. The room is quiet, too quiet. Usually, the Captain sleeps with white noise or one of the audiobooks Burt had recommended but there’s nothing. 

“Captain?”

Mark tiptoes into their bedroom, heart freezing in his chest at the sight before him. The Captain is curled up in a ball on top of the sheets, face unnaturally pallid. They’re trembling and when he gets closer, Mark is horrified to see all the blood staining the sheets. 

He cries their name, grabbing their shoulders and turning them onto their back. 

“Captain? Captain, can you hear me?”

The Captain raises a hand, trying to push him away weakly. 

“M’okay, j-just tired.”

“Like hell you’re okay! You’re bleeding!”

“Just a scratch, m’fine.”

“Yeah, sure you are. Why didn’t you go get patched up in the medbay?”

“Crew comes first.”

Mark sighs. Normally, the Captain’s care for the people under their command would be admirable if it wasn’t the reason they were practically bleeding out. He grabs the emergency first aid kit from the bathroom and sits down on the edge of the bed. Carefully, he pulls off their captain’s jacket and unzips their jumpsuit, pushing it off their shoulders. 

“Buy me dinner first,” they mumble.

He chuckles. “Once the colony has a place for me to buy you dinner, I will.”

There are three long gashes on the Captain’s side. Thankfully, they’re not as deep as Mark had originally thought, missing all their internal organs. He gets to work disinfecting the wounds, shushing them when they whine at the sting. Mark’s touches are gentle and tender, careful not to cause them any more pain. He stitches the wounds up with a practiced hand; a small benefit of traveling helplessly through an infinite multiverse - you have an endless amount of time and opportunities to learn how to patch up wounds. 

Once he’s done, the Head Engineer washes his hands in the bathroom and fills a glass with water, returning to the Captain’s side. He tilts their head up, helping them to take a few sips. 

“We should really get you to the Medbay, Captain.”

“Later. Just sit with me for a bit.”

The Captain gives him their best puppy dog eyes and he sighs with a shake of his head; they know he’d do anything they ask of him when they give him that look. Mark sits down next to them with his back against the headboard, running a hand through their hair. 

“You scared me, you know.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to worry anyone.”

“So bleeding out alone is the solution? You don’t think that’s going to worry people even more?”

“Well…”

“Captain, you’re allowed to be cared for just as much as anyone else on this ship. And if you can’t let anyone else do it, then at least let me. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you. Well…I do know.”

“I’m sorry. It was stupid of me, wasn’t it? I can’t take care of the ship if I’m not at my best.”

“You’re worth more than your ability to take care of the ship, you have to understand that, right? Everyone on this ship wants you to be happy and healthy, not because it makes you a better Captain, but because we care about you. You’re worth caring about.”

The Captain doesn’t say anything at that, too lost in thought. Mark takes one of their hands between his and presses it to his lips. 

“Promise me, you won’t do this again.”

“But-”

“Don’t.” He gives them a stern look. “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Good, now seriously, we need to get you to the Medbay. The longer we wait, the angrier Dr. Iplier is going to be with me for not bringing you down sooner. You don’t want me to get in trouble, do you?”

[unwrittenlibrary]

i’m begging for you (take my hand)

this fic has 18+ content! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. this is for your safety and mine! please respect that. 

by continuing to read you are stating that you are over eighteen and understand this content is not meant for minors.

summary // bucky doesn’t do love, you love bucky. being friends with benefits makes sense, right? [bucky barnes x female!reader]

words // 19.0k (BUCKLE UP IT’S A LONG ONE)

warnings // modern!bucky, fwb! trope, brief love triangle (steve x reader x bucky), overall toxicity, cursing, daddy issues (bucky’s dad left), drinking, excessive use of nicknames (sweetheart/sweets/baby), oral sex (f! receiving), penetrative sex, unsafe sex (do not have unprotected sex!), spitting, thigh riding, bucky has a metal arm but it’s not explained why (it was a car accident & that is already known by reader)

notes // title from willow by taylor swift (this fic was originally titled heartbeat and inspired by childish gambino’s song of the same name) i just could not get modern bucky not knowing how to deal with feelings out of my head & it became this catastrophe [ive never written 18+ before so pls be gentle in your judgement of those scenes omg] happy reading! 

if you enjoy this, reblogs & replies are greatly appreciated (especially when pieces take this much work)

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

“To Bucky Barnes, my now forever lawyer.” You hold out your wine glass and he meets you halfway in a cheers. Bucky laughs brightly as you praise him. “And now my sugar daddy, since he makes an insane amount of money as senior associate.” 

The two of you are halfway through your second bottle of wine. “I’ve been a lawyer for four years. I’m just now becoming your go-to?” He holds a hand to his chest in faux hurt. 

You lean towards him as you laugh. “I needed to make sure you were a good lawyer. Get me off murder charges good.” It feels like the two of you have been scooting closer to each other all night. 

“Sweetheart, you know I’d be there to help you hide the body if you needed me to.” He leans towards you in a conspiratorial whisper. Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips before snapping back up. “Then get you off the charges.” He breathes out. 

You can feel his breath on your face. The scent of red wine hits your noise and you can see it staining his lips. You want to kiss him so desperately, but you just can’t make the first move. You don’t think you could handle that rejection. 

“I’m gonna kiss you.” He says quietly, his eyes scanning over your face for any sign of rejection. You swallow thickly before nodding. “Okay.” You whisper back before letting out a nervous giggle. 

Bucky’s hand comes up to rest against your cheek. Its coldness relieves some of the heat that’s risen to underneath your skin from his proximity and the wine you’ve consumed. 

Your eyes slide shut as he leans in. His nose nudging against yours before you feel his lips. You bring your hand up to rest on his chest. His lips are softer than you expected and taste like the wine they’re stained with. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of when dreaming of kissing Bucky. 

He pulls away and looks at you with half lidded eyes. “You’re so pretty.” He mumbles. You feel heat crawl up the back of your neck at the honesty in his tone. He presses a kiss against your jaw. Then your neck. Your head falls to the side to allow him better access. 

It’s easy to move into his lap when his hands grip at your hips. “Fuck.” Bucky moans as you grind down against him. You throw your head back in a moan as his lips trail down from your jaw to your neck. 

“Shit.” You say breathlessly as his hands run up and down your sides. Your hands drop down and begin to work on his jeans button and zipper. Bucky lets out a groan when they brush against his already hard dick. 

You stand from his lap and he pulls his jeans off while you move to unbutton your top. As you work on the shirt, Bucky’s hands reach out to undo your own jeans. When you’re standing in nothing but underwear in front of him, Bucky isn’t doing anything but staring. The heat in his eyes makes you feel flush and goes straight to your core. “Fuck. You’re gorgeous.” He says quietly.

You crawl back into his lip and Bucky’s hands find you again immediately. You rub against him and both of you moan at the slight relief it offers. Bucky’s hand drifts down between you two and he begins to rub over your clothed clit.

You grind down on his hand and let out a whine. “More. More. Please.” You whisper. Bucky laughs softly at you before slipping his hand into your underwear and running a finger over your slit. “Oh my god.” Your head falls to rest on his shoulder.

“That’s it. You look so good like this, sweetheart.” He murmurs into your hair. The praise makes you moan as you grind down against him again desperate for more.

You pull back to look at him, one of your hands tangled in the hair at the back of his head. In a breathless tone you say, “Fuck me.”

Bucky groans. “Oh shit.” His hips buck up against you. “Yeah. Okay.” He pushes you off of his lap gently and moves to pull his briefs off. You follow suit and pull your underwear off.

“Come here.” He groans as he pulls you back over his lap. You giggle as he presses a flurry of kisses across your chest. He holds a hand out in front of you, “Spit.” He orders.

You glance at him in shock before following the order. His eyes roll back as he watches you before he moves to use the spit to lube himself up. “Fuck me. Please.” You whisper to him as he teases your entrance.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Bucky slips into you and you both let out loud moans. “Fuck. Fuck. You feel so good.” His forehead rests against your chest as both of you relish in the feeling for a moment. After a few seconds of shaky breathing, you yank at his hair gently so he’s forced to look at you again. A smirk spreads across his face at the feeling and you smile down at him, “Gonna fuck me? Or are we just sit here?” You tease. 

Bucky’s hands grip your hips tightly and he steadies his feet on the ground. “Yeah, sweets. ‘M gonna fuck you.”

》•

Your eyes focus in on Wanda as she waves a hand in front of your face. You can feel your body grow hot at the memory of Bucky and you. “What’s on your mind? You’ve been zoning out all night.” She laughs softly.

“Bucky and I had sex last night.” You blurt out, unable to keep it to yourself any longer. You swallow tightly when Wanda’s eyes brighten in excitement before confusion takes over.

She watches your face, like she can tell something was wrong, and doesn’t move to do anything for a second. When she does speak, it’s hesitant. “You’ve liked him since we were in school. Is this good or bad?”

You frown. She was right, you had liked Bucky since he had come barreling into your life senior year of college with bright eyes, mischievous smiles and maybe too many issues to ever be in a real relationship. You had sat through his flings and tried to move on with you own, but every guy had ended up being jealous of Bucky or too boring compared to him.

“He doesn’t-” You suck in a deep breath. “He doesn’t want a relationship.” You say quietly. You take another sip of your wine when Wanda reaches over with pity filled eyes and grabs a hold of your hand.

She shakes her head like she doesn’t understand what you’ve just said to her. “What do... What do you mean?” 

You run your hands over your face in despair. “I don’t... We had like two bottles of wine and we hooked up.” You look up at her with tearful eyes. “When I woke up this morning, he went on about how he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt me.” 

Wanda’s watching you with wide eyes. “Start from the beginning. What did he say? Are you sure he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship?” She’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

You take a deep breath before launching into the story. 

His bed is empty when you wake up. Your stomach sinks as you stare at his bedroom door left ajar. You can hear him in the kitchen talking, but you can’t quite make out what he’s saying. 

You take a deep breath before getting up. You had hoped he would sleep in with you. That cuddling in the morning would lead to confessions of hidden feelings. Your hopes diminished as you creeped down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

“No.” Bucky sounds anxious as he talks into the phone. “I’m telling you. I fucked up.” You step in the kitchen and he glances over his shoulder with wide eyes. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” He hangs up abruptly and turns to you with a tense smile. 

You give him a small smile in return. “Morning.” You tug at the hem of his t-shirt nervously as he stares at you. “We should-”

“I wanted to-” The two of you laugh awkwardly as you speak over one another. You hold your hand towards him. “You go first.” You move to sit at one of counter’s barstools. 

Bucky’s watching you with wary eyes and if his words to whoever was on that phone weren’t warning enough, this new demeanor around you certainly is. “You’re my best friend.” He comes to stand directly across from you. “And I care about you a lot. You’re one of the most important women in my life. I don’t want to ruin our relationship.” 

You nod slowly as he attempts to reject you kindly. If it weren’t so painful, you might laugh at how awkward he looks. “It’s not...” You trail off unsure of what to say. “Bucky, it’s not that serious. We’re fine.” You reach your hand across the counter palm up for him to take. 

His brows furrow. “You’re not mad at me?” He asks in confusion. “I thought-”

You shake your fingers and he smiles before holding your hand tightly in his. “It was consensual. With a guy I trust with my life. And it was great sex. I’m not mad at you.” You smile reassuringly. 

It’s not a lie. Not at all. Everything you said was true, you had just left out the part where you had been hoping for more. But you could get over this. A one time fling. You could survive it as long as you didn’t lose him. 

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Bucky’s shoulders relax. The tension on his face transforms into a cocky smirk. “Great sex?” 

“That’s...” Wanda trails off as she digests your words. “Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?” She asks. 

You look at her with wide eyes. “What do you mean why didn’t I tell him? Should we start with me overhearing him telling someone how much he fucked up or his rejection for dummies speech?” You laugh sarcastically. 

Wanda gives you apologetic eyes. “How can you be sure he was talking to the person on the phone about you?” You scrunch your nose up at her and she sighs. “Okay, whatever. At least now you know he doesn’t want a relationship! You can move on and find someone with a bigger dick.” 

“Wanda!” You can’t help but laugh. You give her an appreciative smile before letting out a sigh.  “I don’t know... I guess I just always thought we’d end up together. It’s stupid.”

You trace your finger around the base of your wine glass. Wanda watches you for a moment before flagging down a waitress. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eye. “Can I get a round of tequila shots, please?” She asks. 

The waitress nods before walking away. “We’re going to get you drunk and make you forget all about Bucky Barnes.” 

You laugh softly. “Yes please.” 

》

Four glasses of wine and two rounds of shots leaves you struggling to get the key into your apartment door’s lock. 

“Fuck.” You mutter when you push too hard and the keys clatter against the floor. You sigh deeply before bending down to pick them. You lay one palm flat against your door in an attempt to steady your shaky feet as the other reaches for your keys. 

Then you’re falling forward and your shoulder hits the floor harshly. “Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were some weirdo trying to break in.” You groan as you look up and see Bucky staring down at you with furrowed brows. 

He’s wearing nothing but sweatpants, his metal arm and abs on full display for you. You give him a dopey smile. “Hey, handsome.” 

He laughs loudly. It’s bright and contagious and makes you giggle as he bends down to lift you to your feet. “Missed you tonight.” He says softly as he wraps his arm around your waist.

You allow yourself to rest your bodyweight on him, knowing he’s strong enough to lead you to your room. His soft words leave you feeling like you’re floating. It’s like the night before had never happened. 

“Missed you too.” You whisper. Your words are slurred, not that you can change that, but you know he understands them. He presses a kiss to your head in response as he leads you down the hall and into a room. 

The room is spinning around you, but you know it’s Bucky’s from the blank walls and dark furniture. Bucky sits you down on the edge of his bed and your fingers immediately grip his comforter tightly. “Why’d you bring me here?” Your grip is the only thing that keeps you from falling backwards onto his bed. 

You try to focus your eyes on him, but he’s moving around the room too fast. From what you think is his dresser then his closet. “I’ve got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit tonight.” 

“‘M not gonna get sick.” You mumble as he comes to a stop in front of you. He holds out a pile of clothes to you. “I have my own clothes in my own room.” You stare up at him defiantly. 

You can see Bucky push his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a tell that he was getting a little annoyed. “C’mon sweets. Just put the clothes on and get in bed.” 

He’s still holding the clothes out in front of you. His earlier rejection running through your mind. “I’m not having sex with you tonight.” You blurt out. You would have never said the words sober, but you didn’t want him to think it would become a recurring thing. 

Bucky laughs awkwardly and drops the clothes on the bed beside you. “I’m not trying to have sex with you. I’m trying to take care of you and make sure you don’t die in your sleep.” 

Your eyes narrow, but you feel far too dizzy to actually get up and move to your room to prove a point. You lift your arms and look up at Bucky, “Help?” 

He smiles victoriously and reaches for the hem of your shirt. You can see his eyes trail over your bralette and feel your cheeks warm, but you blame that on the alcohol. 

“Do you want to sleep in this?” He whispers as his fingers trail over one of the straps. You shiver as one of his cold fingers presses into your skin and leaves goosebumps in its wake. 

You bite down on your lip, but nod your head. “I’ll be fine in it.” 

He nods and you raise your arms again as he slips one of his black t-shirts onto you. It’s soft and smells like him leaving you warm all over and suddenly tired. Your head falls so your chin is resting against your chest. 

Bucky kneels down in front of you. “Is it okay if I take your jeans off? So I can put sweatpants on you?” He moves his head so you’re forced to make eye contact with him as his hands come to rest on your stomach. He fiddles with your jean’s button, but doesn’t move to actually undo it yet. 

You nod softly before falling backwards onto the bed. Bucky’s hands move quickly as he unbuttons and unzips your jeans. There’s a sharp inhale once he gets your jeans off, but you ignore it.  

“Sweetheart.” You lift your hips when you feel his sweatpants get stuck underneath you. “Thank you.” He says quietly.  

“What did you do tonight?” You mumble as you move around his bed to crawl under the comforter. You wait until he’s situated beside you before pulling the blanket up to cover the bottom half of your face. 

He pulls the blanket down and holds out a wipe. “You complain when I let you fall asleep with the makeup.” 

Your eyes flicker to his in brief shock, unaware of how much he actually listened to you. “Than...Thank you.” You begin to wipe it across your face. It’s not your normal routine, but it was better than nothing. “Tell me about your night.” 

Bucky moves so he’s sitting against his headboard. “I just waited for you all night.” He shrugs. 

You drop the wipe onto the side table. “Shut up. What did you really do?” You shove gently at his shoulder. Bucky’s hand wraps around your wrist and he pulls you into him. 

He’s stronger when you’re sober, so your drunk body falls into his side easily and you wrap an arm around his waist. “I’m telling you the truth, sweets. I just waited all night for you.” He presses a kiss to your temple. 

You look up from his chest to find him looking down at you with soft eyes. He’s being kind and you’re sure all that he can think of is how happy he is that your friendship hasn’t been ruined. 

But all you can think about is how no matter how soft he is with you, he still doesn’t want to be with you. No matter how much he says he loves you and misses you, it’s not the sam way you mean it. It leaves a crack in your heart that you’re unsure will ever be healed. 

》•

She’s pretty. You think bitterly as you watch from across the room. 

Bucky’s firm had a party every few months for donors. Bucky hated them. He always complained that schmoozing wasn’t his specialty, law was, so you were usually dragged along as his plus one to “Keep me from dying of boredom, please.” 

You usually didn’t mind. Bucky flirted for money, you got to enjoy to open bar to cope with his non-existent feelings for you. Tonight felt even worse. 

You force yourself to look away and look back down at the drink in front of you. You’re glad Wanda isn’t there to look at you with the same pity filled eyes that you had been getting since revealing the details of your hook up, but you wish you had someone to turn to. 

“You look great in that dress.” Your head whips up at the familiar voice. Steve is smiling at you sweetly and you can tell he’s keeping his eyes respectfully on yours. “Definitely your color.” 

You laugh. You and Steve weren’t particularly close, he was a childhood friend and you were college. The two of you really only spent time together in groups or with Bucky there. “Thank you, Mr. Rogers.” You tease. 

“Please.” He throws his head back in an over dramatic groan. “Steve! So many people have called me Mr. Rogers tonight I’m going to fall into an identity crisis.” 

You give him an ill-suppressed smile. “Thank you, Steve.” He sits down in the barstool next to you and waves the bartender over. 

“Water for me and…” He glances at the empty glass in front of you, “another glass of wine for her?” His voice ends in a question and he smiles brightly when you nod. 

“I could be wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be flirting with rich women to fund your pro bono cases?” You run a finger around the base of your glass. 

Steve’s eyes trail from your manicured nails up to your teasing smile. He swallows and forces out a soft laugh. “I’m not too good at the flirting that’s uh-.” He looks over his shoulder before looking back at you with kind eyes. 

You ignore his insinuation. Ignore the idea of Bucky and Steve feeling pity for you over Bucky. “Everyone deserves a break.” 

The man in front of you gives you a relieved smile. “And what better way to take a break than talk to a pretty girl?” 

You smile sweetly. “You could get 100k easily with that charm.” Steve throws his head back in a laugh and his arm lands on the back of your seat when he leans back in. 

You find yourself leaning in too. He’s got a nice laugh and sweet personality. You can feel the warmth radiating off of him and it’s relaxing. 

For a moment, Bucky is forgotten as Steve gives you all his attention, the first person to do so all night.

》•

Bucky stops to stand next to Sam as he takes a sip of his drink. His eyes scan over the party in search of you. 

“Good for Steve.” Sam says into his glass before taking a sip of his drink. Bucky’s eyes cut to him in question. Sam nods in front of him and Bucky’s eyes settle on you at the bar. With Steve. 

“What do you mean good for Steve?” Bucky asks. He can’t take his eyes off of you as Steve slides a glass of wine towards you. 

Sam shrugs nonchalantly. “He’s had a crush on her since that Halloween party last year.” 

Bucky’s mind drifts to you in your skin tight superhero costume. He wasn’t blind, he had seen the guys who had come up to you and their eyes that had trailed after you. 

“He hasn’t said anything to me.” He feels a surge of pride at the fact that he can’t explain when he thinks of how at the end of the night, you had come home alone with him, content to sit on the couch and watch horror movies. “He’s not her type.” He adds on after a moment of silence. 

Bucky isn’t too confident in his words though. Steve seemed to be the perfect kind of guy for you. Kind, funny, made good money, and was always the guy who listened with open ears. Bucky just couldn’t fathom you with anybody that… He doesn’t know, but he knows Steve doesn’t feel right.

Sam snorts. “Yeah. Try telling you about wanting to take her out? He’d rather live.” Bucky watches as Steve leans in closer to whisper something into your ear. 

He feels rage surge through him, but forces himself to stay in his spot. “Not like we’re dating. He could have told me if he wanted to. Or made a move.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry about you and Steve. It wasn’t like you two were dating, he hadn’t lied to Sam.

Sam looks at Bucky like he’s grown two heads. “Come on, Buck. Not dating? You call her all these nicknames, never let other people flirt with her, always take her home.” 

“We live together.” Bucky defends weakly. His mind drifts to kissing you while wine drunk. He shakes his head. “Of course I take her home.” 

Sam looks a little bemused as he asks, “Are you two seriously not dating?” 

“Of course not! She’s my best friend.” He glances at Sam before looking back over at Steve. You’re leaning in too. It’s not like he was lying, the two of you weren’t dating. But he had brought you as his date tonight and he’ll be damned if Steve weasels his way into your heart. 

“I was just cur-“ Bucky shoves his empty glass into Sam’s hand before beginning to make his way through the crowd towards you. 

He can vaguely hear Sam shout a goodbye, but all he can focus on is getting your attention onto him and off of Steve. 

》

You feel him before you see him. His hand trailing up your back before landing on the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. His grip isn’t tight, but it makes you shiver. 

“What’s going on here?” His voice is a possessive drawl and you look up at him with a confused smile. 

You sit up straighter and Steve immediately pulls away. His blue eyes follow Bucky’s arm to his face and they narrow. “Just keeping her company. Noticed you were busy, so…” Steve trails off with a shrug.

Bucky’s grip on you tightens. “Well, I’m here now. You can go back to schmoozing.” He nods his head in the direction of the party, but Steve doesn’t budge. 

You’re extremely confused by Bucky’s sudden possessiveness over your attention and turn to him with an annoyed glare. “Actually, Steve was telling me about how that’s your specialty. He’s far too sweet to mindlessly flirt. ” 

You feel Steve’s shocked gaze on you, because he had definitely not said that, but you don’t look away from Bucky. His glare melts into a sickly sweet smile as he turns to look at his childhood friend. “That so?” 

Part of you feels bad for pushing Steve into the middle of whatever this tension was between you and Bucky. But you can’t ignore the pleasure that rushes through you as Bucky’s grip tightens and his attention focuses solely on you for the first time all night. 

Steve looks back and forth between you two before he stands from his seat. “It was nice seeing you.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your cheek before slapping a hand against Bucky’s back. “See you later, punk.”

You swallow as Bucky moves to take Steve’s now unoccupied seat. He orders a drink and you can only watch in shock as moves around so casually. When he finally looks back at you he just looks confused by your silence. 

“What’s up?” He asks with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at him. “What was that?” You gesture in the direction Steve had gone before looking at him with wide eyes. 

Bucky looks down at his drink and shrugs. “Didn’t want anyone bothering you.” 

“Anyone bothering me? That was Steve!” You laugh incredulously. “I know Steve. You know Steve. He was keeping me company.” You can’t wrap your head around his random behavior. 

Bucky shakes his head like you’re the one who’s being confusing and acting weird. “You just looked a little uncomfortable. I came to your rescue.” He gulps down the rest of his drink. 

“My rescue?” You shake your head at him. “Buck, it was Steve. Steve Rogers is one of the most polite men in New York.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “He likes you. Sam said he was definitely trying to make a move on you.” He immediately feels bad for blurting out Steve’s secret, but he just can’t let it go. 

You scrunch your face up in confusion before letting out a breath. “That’s not your secret to tell.” You grab your clutch and stand up quickly. “Why would that even matter anyways?” You look down at him now, he’s still sitting on the barstool. He won’t look up at you.

“Can we just go home?” He asks quietly as he taps his fingers against the bar counter. You bite down on your lip before finally nodding. “Fine.” He lets out a sigh before standing to follow you. 

You’re shocked when you feel his fingers slip in between yours as the two of you walk towards the elevators. Holding hands with Bucky wasn’t new, per say, you’d done it at bars to get out of creepy guys flirting with you, amusement parks so as to not lose one another, but this… This felt different, softer and more insecure. 

You swallow before squeezing his hand in return. You hear the relieved breath he lets out as the two of you stop in front of the closed elevator doors. 

He whispers your name with a tug of your hand. You turn to look at him as the two of you step into the empty elevator. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to screw things up with Steve. I just… I don’t know.” 

Your heart breaks a little. You weren’t sure what you expected. Maybe an admission of jealousy, that Bucky realized he didn't want you with Steve or any other guy, he wanted you with him. But the words never came and you feel stupid for letting your hopes get the best of you.

You shrug. “It’s fine, Buck.” The elevator is slow in its descent. You almost groan when you see how high you are and the fifteen floors left to go down. “I don’t like Steve… I just… It was nice to have some company. You were busy all night.” 

You try to hide the emotion in your voice, but Bucky can hear it. He can see it too, written on your face as you try to keep your eyes on the descending numbers. 

Your words cause a wave of relief to crash over him. You didn’t like Steve. You didn’t like Steve. He felt bad for his friend, but not bad enough to stop his next move.

He tugs at your hand again. The elevator is almost all the way down if you could just ignore him for a few more seconds-

His lips are on yours before you even have a chance to think about why he’s pulling you towards him. You’re still with shock, your hands clasped between you two, as Bucky kisses you. 

You don’t kiss back, too stunned to. Bucky pulls back when the elevator finally dings and you try to rush out only to be stopped when you realize you’re still attached to Bucky’s hand. 

“What the fuck was that?” You hiss. “You can’t just… Just flip out about Steve flirting, tell me you’re not jealous and then kiss me!” You yell.

Bucky swallows thickly and glances around the empty lobby. “I… It…”

You stare at him with lifted brows waiting for an explanation. “You need to figure your shit out, Buck. I said I was fine if you wanted it to be a one time thing but I’m not here for you to yank around.” 

“I’m not trying to yank you around!” Bucky defends. “I just… What if it wasn’t just a one time thing?” He asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. 

You want to cry. “Wh...What?” You ask with a shake of your head. 

“I feel like such a dick.” He admits taking a hesitant step closer to you. When you don’t move away, he places a hand on your cheek. “Stuff with work has been so stressful lately and… and I never have the time or energy to do anything. The other night, with you, was the most relaxed I’ve been in a while.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“I’ve been thinking of us helping each other out.” 

“Like a friends with benefits thing?” You blurt out when you realize where he was going with this. 

He nods. “I just… Got to thinking after you left that morning. It was great sex, best I’ve had in a while.” You swallow and your eyes dart away a little embarrassed. “And I know you and don’t have to worry about you giving me some disease. We live together and we wouldn’t have to go out or wait for some random hook up.” 

You can’t really wrap your head around his words. “But you don’t want… You don’t want to have a relationship?” 

“You know me.” He laughs tensely. “Not a relationship guy. I love you, you’re my best friend, but-“

“That’s good.” Your blurt, already regretting the words. “I mean, I love you, you’re my best friend too, you know? Neither of us really have time for one anyways and… Life is stressful.” 

“You… You want to? Do the benefits thing?” Bucky looks like he can’t believe that you’re agreeing. Quite honestly, you can’t really believe the words coming out of your mouth either. 

Because you liked Bucky. You had for so long now it felt like it was a piece of you. You were sure you loved him. You were sure he didn’t feel the same way and this… This was a way to be with him, no matter how fucked up it may be. 

And life was stressful. A full time job with New York City rent and bills. You hated going out. You hate hook ups, they always left you disgruntled and disappointed. Bucky had… Bucky had been good. The best, probably. And it would be nice to have someone other than yourself every once in a while. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. “I… I want to. I’m kind of sick of my hand.” 

Bucky snorts then laughs and it immediately calms you down. He was still your Bucky. Just with the added bonus of sex. “Me too, sweets.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls you into a hug. You suck in a deep breath. “I think you said something about going home.” You mumble into his suit jacket. 

“Yeah.” He whispers back, tilting your chin up to look up. He smirks down at you. “I did.” 

》

“Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as Bucky kisses down your chest. “Please, Buck.” You whimper when his right hand comes up and begins to play with your nipple. 

He doesn’t respond, his tongue flicking over your other nipple. You’re arching your back into him, it feels good, but you want more. His left hand is settled on your hip and you want it on you in a different way. 

You groan when he pulls away to look at you. “What do you want, sweetheart? You gotta tell me or I won’t be able to give it to you.” His tone is sweet, but he’s looking at you with blown pupils and a cocky smile. 

“Your fingers, Buck, please.” You try to lift your hips up a little, but his left hand keeps you pressed against his mattress. You look at him pleadingly when he still doesn’t move. “Please, James.” You murmur. 

You didn’t call him by his first name often, he had introduced himself as Bucky and you hadn’t even learned it until a few months later. Sometimes you pulled it out to tease him, but tonight… You wanted to see if it would push him. 

“Fuck.” He mutters, leaning over you and beginning to press a line of kisses down your stomach all the way to your pelvic bone. “Fuck, that’s hot. Say it again.” 

You throw your head back in a moan when his hand begins to rub you through your panties. “James. I need you to-“ 

“Gonna give you more than my fingers, sweets.” He hooks fingers in the waistband of your panties and yanks them down. “Finally gonna get a taste of you, if that’s okay.” He glances at you and you nod hastily.

“God. Yes, please.” Your eyes flutter shut as his hands force your thighs open. His grip on you is tight and harsh and makes your entire body tingle. 

“So pretty.” He murmurs just watching you. If you weren’t so turned on you would be embarrassed by his stare, but his words just make you even more desperate for him. He settles on his stomach, head between your thighs. He begins to bite and kiss his way up your inner thigh. “Been thinking about this since you let me fuck you, sweetheart.” He admits in a murmur before finally putting his mouth on you. “Thinking about how you taste.”

“Oh shit.” You moan, a combination of the pleasure of his tongue and his words giving you butterflies. “Yes. Fuck.” 

“Knew you’d taste good.” He moans, the words go straight to your core and he knows it. He knows what he’s doing. His hands gripping at your hips tightly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into your skin. He flicks his tongue over your sensitive spot and your back arches. “So good.” You murmur breathily. Your hands are clutching the bed sheets as you try to grind your hips up. 

Bucky pulls one hand away, it gives you a little more freedom to move but not much, and begins to tease you with a finger. 

“Yes. Please, your fingers.” You beg him. Bucky chuckles against you, sending hot breath and a small vibration straight to your core. It feels good, he’s good. 

He pulls away slightly and you whine. “Come on, sweets.” He urges, pushing his finger into you. You moan at the feeling. “What happened to calling me James? Said I liked it.” He adds another, your slick heat allowing them easily.

“James.” You look down at him with blown pupils. Bucky almost comes right there, his fingers inside of you, your chest heaving and you looking at him like that. “James. Please. Want your mouth on me again.” 

Now that you’ve started saying his name, it’s like you can’t stop. The name tumbles out of your mouth like a prayer. He rewards you for it though, his mouth is back on you, licking over you steadily, and you can feel the tension in your stomach the closer and closer you get. 

“So good.” Bucky murmurs into your skin. You moan out again. “Gonna come for me, sweetheart?” He pulls away to ask, his breath fanning across your skin. Your hips buck up towards him in desperation and Bucky groans. “Come on, sweets. Can you come for me? Please.” 

He curves his fingers and flicks his tongue over your already sensitive bud again and your back arches. “Fuck. Fuck.” You moan as your orgasm washes over you. Bucky works you through it and your legs are shaking by the time he pulls his mouth away to smile cheekily at you. 

“I like it when you call me James.” He whispers as he crawls up towards you. You roll you eyes with a tired smile. He fingers trace circles over you stomach. “You tired?”

You nod your head. Your eyes trail over his body, his hard dick making an obvious tent in his briefs. You smirk at him, your hand moving to trail down from his stomach to his dick. Bucky moans as your hand grips him. 

“Still want you to fuck me though.”

》•

Bucky thinks maybe the two of you should establish some ground rules. No dates, if you sleep with somebody else let the other know, use protection, don’t fall asleep together. 

But he can’t imagine the two of you not having your regular Sunday breakfasts together after his runs or forcing you out of his room when the two of you had shared beds long before this ever happened. 

So, he ignores it. He decides to enjoy your warmth in his bed and assumes you’re not seeing anybody else. It’s good. It works, even if his friends think he’s being an idiot. 

Steve is on one side while Sam is on his other and they’ve both been standing in silence now that Bucky has finished explaining what happened when the two of you left the party.

He feels bad when he sees Sam’s eyes flicker to Steve in confusion, but Steve’s face holds more pity than annoyance. It makes Bucky feel uncomfortable in his spot as he takes a sip of water.

“I don’t understand why you’re not calling her your girlfriend.” Steve finally says. 

Bucky rolls his shoulders with an annoyed sigh. “I just said. We’re both busy with work and friends, there’s no time for relationships. This works for the both of us. We don’t have to rely on shitty hookups and we trust each other.” 

Steve gives Bucky a look that screams you’re an idiot while Sam just laughs loudly. “You have to know how ridiculous that sounds, dude.” Sam slaps a hand against Bucky’s back. “You guys live together. You have all the time in the world to actually date each other. I thought you guys were dating each other with how you act. you’re having sex now and you still won’t call her your girlfriend?” He asks incredulously. 

“I...I don’t want a relationship. It leads to marriage and kids and fights.” Bucky shudders. “No thanks. This way I get great sex and my best friend.”

Steve sighs heavily. “She deserves better than that, Buck. You know that.” His voice is full of disappointment. The same tone Bucky has been getting for years when it came to his relationships. 

“Like you?” His tone is defensive and his words are meaner than they should be. Bucky knows all Steve wants is for his friends to be happy. “She’s a grown woman. She can decide who she wants to have sex with.” 

“Come on, Buck. You’re not an idiot. She’s had a crush on you for years.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. “This is a great way to drive her away and lose her for good.” 

“I’m not-”

“All,” Steve raises his voice to cut Bucky off, “I’m saying is she’ll figure out this isn’t what she wants and find someone who can give it to her. Then you’ll be left in the dust realizing what an idiot you were for letting your irrational fears talk you out of being with her.”

Bucky runs his tongue over his lips. “Who? Are you gonna steal her?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Will it be stealing when you’re the one who drives her away?”

》

His bed is empty when you wake up, but that’s no surprise, you knew Bucky ran Sunday mornings with the guys. You almost expect to feel more shame or pain over falling into this friends with benefits thing. But, you feel okay. Bucky was still your best friend. Just with mind-blowing sex. He didn’t kick you out at night and didn’t seem put off by you. 

Your phone vibrates somewhere in his room from the inside of your clutch. You groan and finally move to sit up. Bucky has picked your things up and folded everything into a neat pile on the top of his dresser. Your clutch is sitting on the top of the pile and you can see the vibrations of your phone shaking it slightly. 

You pick his shirt up from the floor and slide it on before reaching for your underwear underneath the clutch. 

When you pull your phone out you see a few missed calls from Wanda, one last night the one you’ve just missed. You crawl into Bucky’s bed again and call her back. 

“Hey!” You smile at Wanda’s voice. “I called you last night, but I forgot you had that lawyer thing.” You can imagine her nose scrunching up in disgust at the idea. 

You mess with a loose thread on the comforter. “Yeah. Buck dragged me along.” There’s silence on the other end. You sigh heavily. “Shit. Wanda. You’ll never guess what I did last night.” 

Your eyes take in the room. Bucky doesn’t have many decorations or knick knacks, but he has a couple pictures sitting on his nightstand. You move to his side of the bed and pick one of them up. 

“You go home together?” Wanda doesn’t need to guess, there’s a twinge of disappointment in her voice but all you can focus on is the sadness you hear. Like she’s just hurting for you at this point. 

You stare down at the photo in your hand. It’s from Bucky’s last birthday. “We live together.” You defect. The photo is the two of you sitting at your kitchen counter with two glasses of wine in front of you. The wine is red and you can faintly see it staining both of your lips. His arm is wrapped loosely around your waist and you’re pressing a kiss his cheek. The photo makes your heart ache. “You sleep in your room?” Wanda laughs. You drop the photo on the bed in front of you. “You’ve gotta tell him. Tell him how you feel, really.” She urges you. 

You’re shaking your head even though she can’t see you. “It’ll ruin everything.” You say quietly. Losing him would be worse than loving him like this. “We... We agreed on a benefits thing last night. I think it can work.” 

“That’s a great way to get hurt.” Wanda says. You glance at the other picture he has sitting on his nightstand. 

It’s a photo of him and Steve. The two of them are children standing with hands wrapped tightly around the straps of their backpacks and they’ve got bright smiles on their faces. You smile at the sight, both boys happy, carefree and full of life.

Bucky’s left arm is still flesh in the photograph. He doesn’t talk about the accident much, he had come out with one arm and a completely changed person. Sometimes you wonder if things would be different if it had never happened.

You hear the front door slam shut. “I’ve gotta go! I’ll talk to you later.” You hang up before Wanda can say anything else. You leave the picture frame sitting in the bed, moving quickly from Bucky’s room to your own. 

》•

Bucky’s bedroom door is open when he gets home, but you’re nowhere to be found. Your clothes still sit on his dresser and there’s a picture frame partially covered by his comforter that makes Bucky pause.

It’s his favorite picture of you two, wine stained lips and happiness radiating off of you. He wonders what had made you grab it and what had made you drop it. Steve’s words come to mind she’s had a crush on you for years. 

Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the nervous smiles and bright eyes in college, he had done everything he could to stay just friends with you and it had seemed to work. You had moved on. Boyfriends and flings had come and gone, your eyes had shifted into a caring stare and you stopped nervously fidgeting with your hands around him, so Bucky had assumed your crush went away. Even now there was nothing that really stood out as you liking him. It sounded like Steve was making assumptions to mess with Bucky’s head. And it was working.

He stares at the picture for another moment before placing it back on his nightstand. Bucky wasn’t afraid of relationships, Steve was wrong, he just hated how they ended. He wasn’t afraid of holding hands or expensive dates, he was afraid of the unavoidable hurt and falling out of love that would cause him to lose you.

He couldn’t lose you.

“Bucky?” Your voice jolts him from his thoughts and his head turns from the photo to you, standing in his doorway in nothing but his t-shirt and a pair shorts. “What should we order for lunch?”

Bucky lets out a deep breath before smiling up at you. “We should get some wraps from that cafe down the block.”

“That sounds good.” You smile. Your eyes move over him and Bucky has to look away. You’ve always been good at studying him and knowing if something was up. “Everything okay?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m just thinking.” He offers a tense smile that makes you step further into his room. Bucky’s eyes move from your bare feet up your legs to your face that’s watching him with concerned eyes.

“That can’t be good.” You tease as you take a seat next to him. You rest your head against his shoulder and Bucky feels a little calmer with you next to him. “What’s got you spacing out like that, Buck?” You ask gently.

“You’re not…” Bucky swallows thickly and looks down at his lap. “You’re not gonna leave me, right? This isn’t gonna fuck us up?”

He feels you tense against his side and begins to panic until your hand intwines with his. “Not if we promise not to let it fuck us up. You’re my best friend, Buck. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

“I promise.” Bucky squeezes your hand. “Do you?”

You squeeze his hand in return, but don’t say anything. Bucky takes the action as promise enough.

》•

Days turn into weeks which turn into months and suddenly it’s November, fall in New York becoming winter much sooner than expected. The cold bites at your cheeks and seeps into your bones. Bucky becomes your warmth despite the constant ache in your heart at what you really are to him. 

Bucky comes into your room or you sneak into his. You ignore the looks from your friends when you all go out and don’t heed to any of Wanda’s advice.

The lines are blurred to you, because it feels like you’re in a relationship. It’s almost like you’ve fallen into one naturally. It’s not just secret sex in the middle of the night. It’s all your normal things, reading together on Sundays and watching your favorite show together Saturday nights. Only now it’s started to include footsie and make-out sessions.

There are some nights the two of you go out, whether it to be to dinner or to see a new movie, and they feel like dates. Bucky never lets you pay and holds your hand in the theater.

You almost want to ask him Why. Why aren’t we official? Why can’t you call me your girlfriend? But you’re far too afraid. For every small gesture that feels like love, there are nights out with your friends where Bucky ignores your existence or awkward introductions to coworkers you run into at the movie theater. 

Life moves on though. Day by day. Even if feels like you’re on a train moving full steam ahead towards a wall and impact is inevitable. 

It’s nice to have a taste of what it could be like to have him. 

》•

It blows up on a Thursday night, at eight thirty-two pm, to be exact. 

Bucky didn’t feel like cooking, he was relieved when you had suggested going out to grab dinner, but now he just wishes the two of you had stayed home.

There’s a tense and awkward silence as the two of you walk home. You’re about ten feet in front of him and not talking at all, it honestly looks more like he’s some creep following you home at this point. If he weren’t so upset he would probably laugh at the scene. 

If Bucky had just kept his mouth shut.

“Oh my god.” You groan, slouching down in your seat and covering your face with your hands. “Fuck.”

Bucky looks between you and the entrance of the restaurant confused by your sudden annoyance. “What’s wrong?” He asks leaning towards you.

“I went to high school with that girl.” You whisper. “We were friends until I stole her boyfriend.” You roll your eyes.

Bucky chokes on his drink mid-sip. “You stole her boyfriend? Right on! I didn’t know you had that in you.” He laughs, completely shocked by the idea of a you in high school who steals guys when all he’s ever known is the sweet, loyal girl.

“I didn’t actually steal her boyfriend!” You hiss. Bucky notices the girl do a double take when her eyes catch on you. “He broke up with her and asked me to prom two weeks later so she assumed I stole him. She hated me and made the last few months of senior year absolute shit for me.” You explain slipping further into your seat before taking a heavy sip of wine.

“Incoming.” He chuckles as she makes a beeline for your table. You sit up ramrod straight when her hand lands on your shoulder and your name comes out in a fake giggle.

“Eliza.” Your smile is equally as fake as you stand up to offer her a quick hug. “How are you?” Bucky watches with amused eyes as Eliza launches into a story about her boyfriend, who’s watching the scene with bored eyes from across the restaurant.

He smiles awkwardly when the two of you turn to face him. “This is my boyfriend, Bucky.” You smile tightly at the woman and Bucky watches uncomfortably as she trails her eyes over him. “Really?” Eliza asks.

“Just friends, actually.” Bucky can’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes narrow at him before they flicker away. Bucky watches in what feels like slow motion as your shoulders hunch in and you close yourself off, absolutely embarrassed as Eliza turns to you with a proud smirk. “Is that right?” Her tone is nasty and Bucky is filled with regret immediately, but there’s nothing he can do because you’re grabbing your purse and jacket and storming away.

Eliza smiles at him. “She’s always been one for the dramatics.” Bucky shakes his head as he pulls out some bills and leaves them on the table, moving the chase after you. “Thanks.” He says to the woman sarcastically as he pushes past her.

That had lead him here, trailing after you silently, as you fume from a distance. “Sweetheart, come on.” Bucky pleads. The words make you freeze and spin around to face him. 

Bucky stumbles backwards as you walk towards him with fury in your eyes and your finger pointed at him accusingly. “Don’t call me that.” 

“I’ve always called you sweetheart,” Bucky frowns. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just-”

“You didn’t embarrass me, James.” Bucky flinches as you spit out his first name like it’s poison. “You humiliated me. Was it really that big a deal? That I introduced you as my boyfriend? Does the idea of dating me disgust you that much?” 

Bucky throws his hands out in front of him in a defensive gesture. “No! I just... We’re not dating. You know that!” He shakes his head. “I mean, dating you doesn’t disgust me... I just... You know?” 

You raise your eyebrows at him. “No. I don’t know.” You say coldly. “It’s not like we’re not dating. You have to see that.” 

“See what?” Bucky asks, completely exasperated. “We do everything we used to do and sometimes have sex.” 

“Oh my god!” Your laugh sounds manic as you pause and look up at the sky like you’re searching for an answer. “Have you ever thought that maybe we weren’t ever just friends, Bucky? That we didn’t act like normal best friends do?” You cross your arms and look back at him. 

Yes. Bucky thinks immediately. “No!” He swallows. “I’ve always seen you as my best friend! Never... Never...” He’s dug himself a deeper and deeper hole every time he’s opened his mouth, but this is the nail in his coffin. He says your name gently, but you’re already backing away, hurt all over your face. 

“I guess I read everything wrong then.” You say quietly. “These stupid dates and us falling asleep together at night. All the holding hands and cuddling, right?” Your voice is filled with wet emotion and Bucky is sure if it wasn’t so dark outside he would see tears brimming your eyes. “You do that with all your friends. I mean nothing.”

“That’s not what I said!” Bucky exclaims. “You know you’re one of the most important women in my life. Please. Don’t do this.” He pleads. 

“I’m done. Okay? This stupid benefits thing? These friend dates, Sunday mornings together, movies? Done with all of it.” You hiss. You suck in a deep breath, like you’re preparing to deliver the final blow. Bucky braces himself. “You wanna be just friends? I’ll do you one better, we can be just roommates. That way there’s no confusion.”

Bucky can only stand still, watching as you walk away. 

》

Wanda has a kind enough heart to not say I told you so, when you show on her doorstep with mascara running down your cheeks. She just pulls you inside by your arm and wraps her softest blanket around your shoulders. 

“What happened?” She places a cup of tea on her coffee table in front of you. You can vaguely hear Vision trying to move around in the kitchen as quietly as possible. There’s an unspoken question that lingers in the air. What did Bucky do?

You sniffle. “We ran into Eliza tonight.” Wanda’s eyes widen and you nod. “I… I introduced Bucky as my boyfriend. It just slipped out, but he totally panicked and corrected me right to her face. I was so humiliated, I bolted.”

Wanda takes the seat beside you on the couch. “That’s awful. I can’t believe that idiot,” she hisses the word, “couldn’t put aside his dumb fears for five seconds and just have your back.”

You rub your eyes harshly. “That’s not the worst part of the night. I think the worst part was when he reiterated we were just friends and that he’s never seen me as anything more than that.” 

Wanda’s mouth drops open in shock and you can even hear Vision murmur something along the lines of oh shit in the kitchen. 

“Good way to get hurt, huh?” You reiterate Wanda’s words from weeks ago and her face falls into a look a pity. “I’m so stupid. Why did I even agree to doing benefits with him?”

“We all do dumb things when we love someone.” She says soothingly as she rubs her hand across your back. “I know this hurts, but look at the silver lining. Now you can move on, for real. Bucky’s made his intentions clear and you can find someone better.” 

You look at her sadly. “What if there isn’t someone better?” You almost choke on your own breath as you talk through your tears. “What if no one makes me feel that way?”

Wanda shakes her head and reaches up to grip your chin between her fingertips. It forces you to look into her blazing eyes. “Bucky’s nothing more than a man with commitment issues. We’re in New York City, there are millions of them. And for every Bucky, there’s a…a…”

“Vision.” You offer up with a teasing smile. Wanda blushes, but nods. “There’s a Vision. And yours is out there, he was just waiting for Bucky to fuck up.” 

You let out a choke laugh. “Yeah…” You trail off. “Can I crash here? I don’t think I can-“

“-Of course.” Wanda cuts you off. “For as long as you need.”

》

Bucky doesn’t even want to go inside. He just stands outside his apartment door staring blankly at the lock. It doesn’t feel like home without you there. 

You haven’t been home in three days and if it weren’t for your instagram stories with Wanda and Vision, Bucky would think you were dead.

You haven’t reached out at all, he isn’t sure if you had come by the apartment to grab personal things and when he had asked the guys if they had heard from you, Steve had just given him an I told you this would happen lecture. 

Bucky feels like a fucking idiot. Bucky is a fucking idiot. He shoves his key into the lock with a sigh. 

“Bucky?” A voice calls out. It makes him freeze in the doorway. It’s your voice. He’s sure it is. Nobody else had a key to the apartment. You pop out of the kitchen with a smile. “It is you!”

Your demeanor has done a complete flip. There’s no harsh stare or fiery eyes, just smiles. It leaves his head spinning. For the past three days he’s been trying to figure out how to make things better and you’re…fine? 

“He…hey.” He pushes the word out. “Um. What are you doing here?” 

Your brows furrow. “I live here?” You laugh softly before turning back into the kitchen. Bucky follows you dumbly, completely awestruck by your sudden reappearance. 

“I thought… I thought you were mad at me?” He asks hesitantly. 

“I was. Now I’m not.” You shrug. You move around the kitchen easily, putting groceries away that Bucky hadn’t even noticed with his entire focus on you. 

He moves towards you. “Sweetheart-“

You interrupt him with your name and suddenly the fire is back in your eyes. Oh. This isn’t Bucky’s best friend coming back into his life. 

It’s his roommate coming back home. 

Just like you had promised. 

》•

Bucky tries to catch you some days. He’ll tilt his head in an attempt to force your eyes to meet his while you talk about nothing after he gets home from work. 

You always avoid them, terrified one look into the blue you’ve loved for so long and you’ll crumble at his feet. You chatter about nothing important, the weather outside and your neighbor upstairs who always stomps around at four in the morning. 

Bucky always listens intently and you begin to feel a little guilty for cutting him out completely. You just needed some time to get over him, then one day you could come home and watch Law and Order with him again and cook dinner together. 

But for now, you pretend he’s nothing more than a roommate and like you’re not desperately in love with him. 

It’ll work. It has to work. 

》

Your name is like honey coming from Steve’s lips. He’s got a kind smile on his face as he hands over your coffee. He had slipped behind you in line at the coffee shop with a sheepish hello.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as you take it from him. “I can pay for my own coffee.” You can see the ingredients scribbled onto the side of his paper cup and it makes you smile into your sip.

Steve Rogers had a sweet tooth. 

“Day off? Or just a break?” You hold the coffee shop door open for him to follow you out onto the street. Steve gives you a thankful smile. 

“Break. I’m heading back to the office now.” He takes a sip of his drink. There were two weeks left of November and the streets of New York were doing their annual flip. Christmas lights going up too early and gloomy skies overhead.

You walk beside him, one hand shoved into your pocket. “Mind if I walk with you? I’m off today and I am so bored just sitting around the apartment.” 

“Not at all!” Steve answers quickly. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks that you attribute to the wind nipping at both your cheeks. “I could use the company of someone other than corporate lawyers.” 

You laugh at his dramatic eye roll. “You know most of your friends work at that firm.” Steve gives you an unapologetic smile. “Two friends and I can admit they can both be dicks sometimes.” 

He looks at you like he knows something and you swallow, turning to look straight ahead of you. “I disagree.” You finally say after a moment. He looks down at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Sam is always a sweetheart.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve, who looks at you with a shine in his eyes. He shakes his head and looks down at the sidewalk in front of him. “You okay? I know that-“ 

“-I’m fine.” You cut him off. You look up at him with a half smile. “And we don’t have to talk about it. In fact, let’s not.” You force out a laugh and Steve nods slowly.

You end up walking the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Steve has a reassuring presence, something you don’t think you’ve ever even realized until now. Warmth radiates off of his body and his eyes give everything he feels away. Steve is a good apple. At least that’s what your grandmother would say if she had met him.

“This is me.” Steve says softly as he slows to a stop outside the corporate building. If you look around you’ll notice every building near by looks almost exactly the same. “Thanks for walking with me.” He says softly with a nervous smile.

You smile back. “Thanks for buying me coffee.” You hold it up towards him as if to show him. “And for letting me tag along.”

Steve shakes his head. You’re sure he has to get back to work soon, you know their days are usually full and small breaks like this were just that - small. “You don’t have to thank me. I… I like hanging out with you. You’re cool.” He scrunches his nose up when he realizes what he’s just said but you giggle.

“Cool?” You ask with a teasing smile. Steve looks down at his feet with red dusting his cheeks. “I think you’re cool too.” The words are soft as you nudge his boot clad foot with yours.

Steve looks up with bright eyes. “Yeah?” You nod and he smiles to himself. “We should… We should hang out more.” He suggests hesitantly.

Your eyes widen as you look at him. Steve looks about two seconds away from being sick with nerves and it’s sweet. Completely and utterly tooth rottingly sweet that someone is this nervous around you. Your heart picks up at him wanting to hang out more.

“Like dates?” You question quietly. Steve turns a bright shade of right and you’re reminded of Bucky blurting his secret out weeks ago. “I would like that.” You don’t give him a chance to respond to your first question.

He smiles so bright that you’re blinded by it. “Yeah?” You nod with a small smile. “Yeah. Now go back to work!” You shove his shoulder lightly which makes him laugh. “You have my number.”

He’s nodding happily as he backs away. “I do! I’ll text you?”

“Please!” You laugh as he pushes through the glass doors backwards, almost running over a women. He smiles awkwardly at her before facing you once again. You wave as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

When he’s out of sight you let out a sigh. He was kind and incredibly endearing. Steve was a man every woman would be lucky to date. Why did you feel so guilty for flirting then? 

You know why. 

You ignore it.

》

Bucky watches with pursed lips from his spot by the front desk as you and Steve chat outside. He tries his best to read lips, but your both standing at an angle that makes it near impossible.

“You’re not creepy at all.” The voice makes him jump and he turns to look at Sam, leaning against the opposite side of the reception desk. Martha, the woman who runs the desk, looks between them in amusement. “Steve is some kind of psychic, huh?” He snorts.

Bucky turns his glare onto Sam. “It’s not my fault they’re out there for everyone to see.” He snaps before turning his eyes back on the scene in front of him.

Sam laughs loudly and Bucky watches his Steve embarrasses himself by running into a girl leaving the building. He would feel better about it, if he couldn’t see you smiling brightly at the man.

Bucky loves Steve, but he wants nothing more than to punch him in the face for not staying away from you. Even though Bucky is fully aware you’re both adults with minds of you own, he had never imagined Steve would actually sweep you off your feet.

When Steve makes his way towards Sam and Bucky, Sam has got a cheesy smile on his face and Bucky can do nothing but glare. “Got myself a date, boys.” He smacks a hand against Bucky’s back.

“It’s like… She was run right into my arms.” He smirks before making his way towards the elevator. Sam follows behind Steve with another loud laugh.

Bucky is left standing in the lobby alone. He watches your form retreat across the street and sighs. He had made a mess of things, huh?

》

You can’t get the dress to zip up all the way. You’ve tried a multitude of angles, from pulling the dress up and trying to reach it over your shoulder to almost breaking your arm at an awkward angle.

You sigh in defeat as you stand in front of your mirror. You can hear Bucky in his room across the hall, music playing a little too loud and his footsteps around the room. He’s got his cleaning playlist on, it forces a small smile to appear on your face.

You suck in a deep breath. Roommates helped each other with zippers. It was normal, Bucky could help you with a zipper.

“Bucky.” You knock softly on his door. There’s no answer, he probably can’t hear anything over the music. You knock harder. “Bucky?” The music stops and you suck in a nervous breath.

His door flies open and his eyes widen when he sees you standing in the half zipped dress. His eyes narrow. “What’s up?”

Your fingers fidget in front of your stomach as you look at him nervously. “Can you… Can you help me zip the rest of the way? I just can’t get it.” You admit sheepishly.

Bucky nods. “Turn around.” He orders softly and you do as he says. His fingers find the zipper stuck halfway up your back and your breath hitches. You think you hear his do the same as he begins to pull it up slowly.

It’s a tense silence as his hands rest on your back for a second too long. When he drops them back to his side, you turn to look at him. He shuts his eyes tightly and sighs. “Listen. About what happened-“

There’s a knock at your door that makes you step away. You look at Bucky apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” You take a few stumbling steps away.

You feel his eyes on you as you move through the apartment and collect your purse and jacket. When you open the door, Steve is standing there with flowers and it makes you pause.

Bucky’s bedroom door slams shut when you pull the flowers into your own hand. His music starts playing again as you get them into water. You and Steve smile awkwardly at each other.

When Steve’s hand lands on your lower back to guide you out of the building, all you can think is Bucky’s hands there earlier, warmer and somehow softer, you try to ignore how wrong it feels.

You were moving on. It would get better.

》•

Bucky’s pathetic. That much he knows. Four drinks in and he’s missing you desperately. All he can think about is Steve’s hand on your back and how you look in that red dress.

Did you know it was Steve’s favorite color? Is that why you had worn it? He had seen the black lace of your bra underneath when zipping the dress for you, had you worn that on purpose too? 

He feels like he’s hit rock bottom. Like it can’t get worse than this. His best friend on a date with his other best friend who he wasn’t talking to anymore because he wanted a friends with benefits thing. 

I had other friends, he thinks. Friends who I could stand to lose. Why did I want her? Why did I do that?

Annoyingly enough, Steve’s voice is what answers him. You’re in love with her. The words make Bucky jolt up in his seat because, well, he’s never thought that before. He’s always known he loved you in a platonic sense and that he cared for you deeply, but being in love with you?

That can’t be it. Bucky didn’t really do being in love. He’s seen what that does to people. He saw what it did to his mother, heartbroken and left with two kids to raise on her own. He’s seen what heartbreak has done to Becca, who used to lock herself away in her room and spend hours crying over boys who weren’t worth it.

He snorts to himself, taking another sip of his drink. They say you can only go up from from rock bottom. Bucky thinks he’s got some kind of special ability to go lower though as he stares at his phone. 

He wants to text you and beg you to come home. He calls his mom instead. “Ma?” He asks quietly when she picks the phone up. “It’s Bucky.”

“I have caller ID. I know.” She lets out a laugh. “What’s up? You sound upset, my love.” She asks gently.

“I fucked up, Ma.” Bucky admits after a moment of silence. “I…” 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” She sounds panicked and Bucky immediately feels bad for worrying her. 

“No I mean, like, with Y/N. I fucked up with her.” He explains. His mother inhales sharply at the sound of his best friends name.

“What happened?” She asks softly, almost knowingly.

“We… I… I’m not meant for relationships? You know? Love? It always ends bad so I told her we could just be friends with some benefits.” He feels a little embarrassed sharing this with his mother, but he doesn’t have anybody else to turn to. “And I fucked it up. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.” Bucky can admit that he blurred the lines. That he didn’t treat you like just a friend, but when had he ever? You’d always been a little closer than normal friends. 

“Oh Bucky.” His mother murmurs, her tone isn’t disappointed, just sad. “I’m so sorry your father did this to you.” Bucky rubs a hand over his face. “Ma-“ 

“-No, Bucky. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the value of romantic love. Of love that keeps you warm and love that makes your heart race.” She says quietly. 

“It always ends in heartbreak. I don’t need it.” He says defensively. It’s silent, Bucky listens to his mom breathe before finally whispering, “What if I’m like him? What if I ruin her life?” 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re nothing like him.” Her voice cracks. “You’re good. You’re a good man. You’re empathetic. You care deeply. You don’t have to be afraid of ending up like him, you’ve already proven you won’t.” 

“Doesn’t feel like that.” Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Feels like I already am.” 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about yourself like this. You’re not like him because you see what you’ve done wrong. Because you feel remorse.” She says heatedly. “Your father never felt bad for what he did or who he hurt, that’s what makes you different. That’s what makes you better.” 

Bucky wipes hastily at the tears that he hadn’t realized were falling down his cheeks until now. Has he always been this much of a light weight? Full of emotion and regrets that are only amplified by his drunkenness. 

“I love that girl like she’s my own.” His mother’s voice brings him back. “So, what are you gonna do to fix this? I already bought her Christmas present.” 

Bucky laughs. His chest feels a little lighter. “Leave her alone.” He answers genuinely. He can almost see his mother’s mouth open in protest. “She’s on a date with Steve. I can’t ruin that for either of them.” 

There’s a sigh on the other end of the line. “You’re a good man, Bucky. Every good man makes mistakes. It’ll all work out.” She says vehemently. 

“I love you, ma. Thank you.” Bucky looks at the bottle in front of him. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She asks gently. “Okay.” He nods as she hangs up. 

Her words help, but he’s still filled with guilt as he thinks of you. He had never wanted things to become this messed up with you. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate him.

Then why’d you do it? Bucky pulls at his hair. Since when was his subconscious so annoying? Was it the drinks? It’s your voice next. I mean nothing to you? 

“No. Shut up.” Bucky says to himself before standing up, his knee knocking against the coffee table painfully. He groans, but doesn’t stop moving. He feels like he’s going to be sick. He is going to be sick, he realizes as he forces the bathroom door open. 

He throws up. He’s not sure if it’s from the drinks or this overwhelming feeling of pure angst in his chest. A feeling that makes his lungs constrict and his heart ache.

He briefly wonders if this is heartbreak. And if it was, did that mean Steve was right? Bucky loved you?

He makes it back to the couch and starts a random movie in an attempt to stay up and wait for you. To talk or something. He was so, so sick of not talking to you.

But he falls asleep less than fifteen minutes later and he doesn’t hear you step into the apartment.

》•

“I had a really nice time tonight.” You say quietly. It’s almost midnight and you’re sure your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate you waking them up. “Thank you for taking me out.”

Steve stuffs his hands into his jacket pocket and gives you a grin. “Thanks for letting me take you out.”The two of you look at each other before breaking eye contact with awkward laughs. “We should do this again.”

You nod. “We should!” You lean up and press a kiss to his cheek before turning towards your door. “I’ll see you later, Steve.” You say softly before pushing the door open.

Steve gives you a short wave with a happy smile. “See you.” He begins to back away, down the hallway. “I’ll just.” He jabs a thumb over his shoulder before spinning around to walk straight.

You laugh silently to yourself as you finally step into your apartment and shut the door behind you. With your eyes shut tightly, you lean your back against the door and let out a sigh.

Your silence is disturbed by a groan and your eyes shoot open. Bucky’s laying on the couch, one arm hanging off and a bottle of whiskey sitting almost completely empty in front of him.

“Oh, Bucky.” You let out a sad sigh as you drop your purse and keys on the entryway table. His eyes are squeezed shut, you can tell he’s in a deep sleep.

When you stand in front of him, you push the stray hairs that are stuck to his sweaty forehead back. He’s flushed and you don’t know exactly how much he’s had to drink, but he was definitely drunk. You allow your nails to trace over his cheekbones and jawline in admiration.

You move away, suddenly aware of what you’re actually doing. You move quickly, picking up the empty glass and whiskey bottle and moving towards the kitchen. You leave the glass in the sink and stuff the bottle back into your drinks cabinet.

You think of just going back to your room, but you know you can’t leave Bucky shivering on the couch. You grab a clean glass and fill it with water before placing it on the coffee table in front of you. You pull out your travel Advil from your purse and sit it next to glass. His favorite blanket is draped over the back your lounge chair. You pull it off and drape it over him gently. Bucky snuffles then turns so his face is pressed into the couch.

You look down at Bucky again before leaving him in the room.

》

It’s like there’s a shift between you and Bucky after your date with Steve. You’re kinder and you seem to be more open with him again, while all Bucky wants to do is hide away in his room.

Every time you sit across from him in the living room or join him for dinner, he feels panic rise in him like vile and he ends up sitting tensely beside you.

Because you’re figuring your shit out. You want to be friends with Bucky again while Steve takes you out every weekend. It’s perfect. Going swimmingly, really.

Except, Bucky is falling apart. Every time you go out with Steve he makes himself sick thinking about what you’re doing. He’s stuck in this constant cycle of why does it hurt so much and you love her you love her you love her.

He just wants to scream so what? Even if he did love you, what did it matter? It’s not like it would change anything. You had never told him you loved him, you had only been angry because he had given you mixed signals. Now, you had moved on to someone easy, someone without commitment fears and who didn’t give you mixed signals.

So, even if he did love you, why would he say anything. Why would he ruin something good for you? He wanted to prove his mother right. He was better than his father, and he wouldn’t ruin something good for you. Not when he was the one who had driven you away. Sick sense of irony, the way this worked out.

》

You’re trying. You can tell Bucky is too. As you come further out of your shell again, he sticks to staunch boundaries and has ceased all of his old affectionate gestures. You know it makes sense and it’s for the best. Even if it does nothing but remind you of what you had grown used to with him before all this.

Besides, you couldn’t blame Bucky for not feeling the same way you did. Not when you had agreed to just benefits and not when you had never told him the truth. 

And Steve was sweet. Steve was gentle and kind and kissed you like you mattered. He held your hand in public and introduced you as his date when you ran into people he knew.

He was good. You cared for him, a lot, and you were desperate for it to work out. For it to work out with Steve and for it to work out with Bucky.

That’s how this night started. These thoughts and a plan. A stupid fucking plan for moving on. Drinks with everyone. Wanda, Vision, Sam, Steve… Bucky.

Bucky who was talking to a redhead at the bar. Bucky who you couldn’t stop staring at as he smiled and charmed her. Your fist tightened around your glass as you watch her nails inch towards his hand.

“Another round of drinks?” Sam’s voice pulls you from your stare. You shake your head to yourself and glance around table. Everybody’s glasses are empty except yours. “I’ll go!” You offer as you drain the last of your drink quickly.

You stand up before anybody at the table can question it. “I can help you.” Steve goes to stand, but you place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s up there. I’m sure he’ll help!” You give him a big smile, one that he answers with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t think much of it as you spin on your heel and make a beeline for the bar.

You don’t see the look Wanda shoots you or the glance Sam and Steve share. You stop right behind Bucky and lean on the counter as you order then you tap him on his shoulder.

He spins quickly. “What’s up? Everyone okay?” He asks, his eyes shifting between you and the table of your friends.

“Yeah!” You give him a small smile. “I was sent for drinks and I didn’t realize how many there were. Think you could help?”

He glances between you and the redhead, who’s giving you a kind smile as she waits. You smile in return before looking up at Bucky again. “Please?” You tack on with a pout.

Bucky laughs. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks down at the woman again. “You wanna join us? Promise everyone is super cool.”

Your eyes widen as the drinks are placed in front of you. She wasn’t supposed to come. This was supposed to… You pause.

This was supposed to get him away from her. Back to your side.

“Yeah!” You give her a fake smile. “You should join us, we could always use more girls.” You chuckle as you lift three glasses.

Bucky grabs the other three before looking at the woman in question. She shrugs before grabbing her own glass to follow after you two.

You hand out the glasses before taking your seat beside Steve again. He arm comes up to rest behind your chair and you can’t shake the urge to push it off.

“Guys, this is Natasha.” Bucky gestures to the woman besides him before pulling a chair out for her. “Natasha. Wanda, Vision, Steve, Sam.” He points everyone out before finishing off with you. She smiles politely at all of you. You grind your teeth as he sits beside her.

The group seems to take a liking to her right away. She laughs at Sam’s jokes and compliments Wanda’s engagement ring. You’re burning with jealously as Bucky flirts in front of all of you.

It’s wholly irrational, a sober you would know that this jealously doesn’t really make sense. Three mixed drinks in though and it feels like Bucky is doing this to hurt you.

It feels like he’s showing you what he could never do with you. He never flirted with you in front of your friends or allowed his hand to inch towards yours on the table in front of them.

Bucky was secretly affectionate with you. It was tangled feet on Sunday mornings and cuddling Saturday nights. Sex in the middle of night and… heartbreak the next morning.

So his drifting hand and charming smile directed towards Natasha is suffocating you with insecurity. What did she have?

“I’m going home.” You stand abruptly when Bucky leans towards her with a laugh. Your shaky on your feet and Steve reaches a hand out to stabilize you. Everyone looks at you with confusion. “I… I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Steve stands immediately.

You shake your head. “No!” When he freezes and looks at you with hurt eyes you smile tightly. “I mean, I’m going to take a Lyft. You stay here, have fun.”

“At least let me wait with you. So you’re not in the cold alone.” He insists and you nod slowly.

You really want to be alone, to wallow in this feeling, but Steve was nice and of course he wouldn’t let you go alone.

You watch Bucky for a moment, like you expect him to say something, to offer to come with you. Like he always did, but his attention shifts back to Natasha as Steve’s arm wraps around your waist.

It’s silent as he guides you out of the bar and tense as you order the Lyft. “Fifteen minutes.” You say softly.

Steve nods and looks around the almost empty street. You open your mouth to break the awkward silence, but he beats you to it.

“What happened between you and Bucky?” He asks quietly, his hands stuffed into his jacket pocket, and his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

You swallow thickly. “He didn’t tell you?” You ask instead of answering the question.

“He told me you guys had a friends with benefits thing going on. Then he told me you didn’t.” He doesn’t look angry, just sad as he stares down at you. “You know Bucky, he doesn’t share a lot.”

You look down at the sidewalk, your heel scuffing against it nervously. “I don’t know. I read things wrong, I guess. I… I thought we had a chance?” Your tone is questioning and you let out a laugh in a self-deprecating manner.

“You still love him?” You eyes shoot up to meet Steve’s. You open your mouth to say something, anything, to turn this conversation around but the door opening takes your attention off of the conversation.

It’s Bucky and Natasha, laughing softly with one another. You turn away quickly and feel the vomit rise in your throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” You murmur before throwing up all over Steve’s shoes. He grimaces and takes a step back as the couple turns around at the sound of you.

Bucky calls out your name. You can’t look up, instead you drop to the ground and sit on the sidewalk ledge.“Are you okay?” Bucky kneels down beside you as you cough.

“I’m fine. You can go. Go.” You urge, unable to look up at him. Bucky doesn’t budge though, his hand coming up to push back the hairs stuck to your forehead. “Bucky. Please.” You groan.

“I’ll walk her home.” Bucky says to Steve, ignoring your pleas. “The air will do her some good and the car moving will only make her feel worse.”

Steve looks between you two hesitantly. “I don’t know, I can take her.” You still feel nauseous, especially at the idea of Steve who you’re pretty sure just broke up with you wanting to keep you away from Bucky for your comfort.

When you look up, Natasha is standing behind Bucky with worried eyes. You feel tears gather in the corner of your eyes as they move to Bucky. He smiles gently, his hand still resting against your cheek. “Let me walk you home, sweets.”

The nickname makes your heart soar. Months of nothing but your first name and you feel like you’re floating at the sound of it. “Okay.” You nod, your hand coming up to rest on his. “Okay.” You pull out your phone to cancel the Lyft.

He helps you stand. “I’ll see you.” He says apologetically to Natasha. She doesn’t look upset, in fact she smiles at him like she knows something you two don’t. “I’ll let you know when we get home.” He says to Steve, who nods before following Natasha inside.

You feel flushed and hot all over. A horrible mixture of drinks, jealously and nausea settling in your stomach. It makes you horribly dizzy and you’re forced to lean against Bucky heavily for support.

“One step at a time, sweets.” Bucky says softly, his metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist.

》

“Almost there.” Bucky exhales a deep breath as he all but carries you towards the couch. He’d given up on getting you down the hall, you had pretty much become dead weight and getting you down the hall to the apartment had taken a lot out of Bucky. “Few more steps, sweets.”

Bucky’s cheeks are red and his entire body is warm. It’s been so long since he’s been this close to you and he can’t help but feel his heart grow as you latch onto him.

“Easy. Easy.” He murmurs as he sits you down gently on the couch. You mumble incoherently as you head lands on the back of the couch.

He pulls away from you and pulls his phone out. Sorry to leave you, maybe we can catch up another time?

Maybe. As friends, of course.

Bucky glances at you before looking back down at his phone, he begins to type but another message pops up quickly.

I saw the way you looked at her, I don’t think you’re looking for a girlfriend! It’s okay :)

Bucky leaves the phone sitting on the coffee table as he focuses his attention back on you. You open your eyes and look at him sadly. “What’s wrong with me?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing.” Bucky responds immediately, his hand reaching out for your cheek. The moan of relief you let out at the coolness of his metal appendage goes straight through Bucky. “Nothing is wrong with you.” He forces his voice to stay steady.

He takes a seat next to you on the couch and drops his hand back to his lap. While you stare at the carpeted floor, Bucky’s eyes trail over you. He takes in the skin tight pants and soft sweater. The way your legs look makes him swallow thickly. You were beautiful and Bucky loved you. 

The thought makes him pause, but it doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. He did. He loved you. He knew looking at you now that the months of questioning it and then trying to make himself believe it was just as a friend as you dated Steve, was all in vain. He loved you. Maybe he had loved this whole time. 

You look up at him suddenly, like you can hear his thoughts, and Bucky is frozen in his spot. You move towards him slowly and he can’t do anything but watch. 

You crawl into his lap and Bucky’s hands immediately rest on your waist to hold you steady. “What… What’re doing?” He can’t hide the shock in his tone. He has to hold back a moan as your hands come up to run through his hair. You left yanks gently at the hair on the back of his head to force him to look up at you and Bucky is unable to stop the moan from slipping out then.

You smile down at him cheekily. “Want you to fuck me.” Your already slurred words are murmured, so Bucky almost doesn’t understand you. “It’s been so long, Buck.” You grind down and he chokes on his own spit, not expecting his night to end like this.

“You gotta stop, sweets.” His grip on you waist tightens in an attempt to halt your movements. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re doing.” He says, looking back up at you. 

Your hands rest on his shoulders and you shake your head. “I know I hated seeing you with her. I hate not having you. Please, I miss you.” You whisper pleadingly.

The words pain Bucky. “I miss you too, but you don’t want this.” He gently pushes you off of his lap and back onto the couch cushions beside him.

Your head falls to your hands while your elbows rest against your legs. “Why don’t you want me?” You look back up at him with wet eyes. Bucky freezes. Is that what you thought? That he didn’t want you? 

“Sweetheart, you have no idea how much I want you.” He admits, reaching out to pull your hands away from your face completely. You shake your head and pull yourself away from him. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have flirted with her all night. In front of me. In front of our friends.” Bucky looks at you with wide eyes. How could you be upset with him over that when you had gone with Steve? When you had been dating Steve? 

“You’re with Steve.” He reminds you. “Am I supposed to not flirt with other people? You told me we were just roommates. We’re barely even friends!” He exclaims. 

“No! I told you that because you hurt me.” You wipe tears off of your cheeks. “You… You made me feel like I was something to you then told me I was just a fuck. I was hurt.” You explain. “God, you- I loved you so much and you just - just-“ 

“You love me?” Bucky cuts you off. He knows you’re drunk, but the words make his heart race. He feels his eyes soften as he stares at your form. 

The tears gathered in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks as you shake your head hastily. “Loved you. I loved you. But you didn’t love me, so I moved on.”

Bucky didn’t know it was possible to physically feel your heart break, but here he was, his heart cracking painfully as you look away from him.

“I’m so tired.” You whisper. “Why could you flirt with her in front of all our friends? Why… Why was I a dirty secret?”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say to you. Doesn’t know how to explain to you that he wasn’t afraid of losing her the way he was you. He didn’t know her at all, he certainly didn’t know her the way he knew you.

“We should get you to bed.” Bucky stands abruptly. His hands come down to hold your arms gently as he helps you stand. “We can talk in the morning.”

You allow him to pull you up, it looks like you’ve given up on furthering the conversation. Bucky picks you up bridal style to carry you down the hall.

Your arms rest loosely around his neck. “Steve broke up with me.” You say as Bucky drops you onto your mattress. “He knows about us. He doesn’t want someone who… who…” You trail off before falling into a fit coughs.

“We’ll talk in the morning.” Bucky says softly, his fingers trailing over your cheeks. “I promise, sweetheart.” You already have a water bottle on your nightstand, so Bucky searches your vanity for Advil.

He leaves two pills beside the bottle. You’re already dozing off, your eyes fluttering shut, so Bucky leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. When he goes to pull back, your hand shoots out and wraps around his wrist. “Stay. Please.” You whisper.

Bucky hesitates for a second before nodding and sitting beside you on the bed as he pulls his shoes off. His heart races as he moves to lay beside you and he feels flushed as you curl into his side.

He allows himself to relax with you in his arms. It had been so long since you’ve been beside him like this and Bucky lets himself feel love as you do. 

Is this what he had been afraid of the entire time? 

》

You wake up hot, nauseous and with a pounding headache.

And something wrapped tightly around you. When you open your eyes fully, the first thing you see is a metal arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You groan when your eyes trail up and the sunlight streaming in from your window hits you.

A deeper groan is returned and it makes you freeze. You rack your brain for what happened last night, but all you could remember was getting sick outside the bar and Bucky taking you home. Had you said something? Had he?

You turn over in his arms and look up at him. His eyes are still closed and he’s letting out steady, soft breaths.

“Bucky.” You whisper, your hand coming up to rest against his chest. “Bucky, wake up.” You say a little louder.

His eyes snap open and immediately he pulls away from you. “Shit. Sorry. I’m sorry. You… You…” He sots up and rubs a hand over his face.

“I don’t… What happened? I just remember you walking me home.” You sit up slowly. You’re still wearing your leggings and the sweater from last night. You groan. “I’m sorry I took you away from…” He shakes his head. 

“It’s okay. I offered. You asked me to stay when I got you into bed, I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable.” His apology is sincere and you suck in a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I don’t… You know I don’t mind falling asleep with you.” Neither of you move or say anything, just sit on opposite sides of your bed in awkward silence. “I-“

“I love you.” Bucky blurts effectively cutting you off. Your eyes widen and your pulse quickens as you stare at him. You had not been expecting that. “And… I’m sorry it took all of this. Not being friends, Steve, drinks, for me to realize, but I do. I think I’ve always loved you, I just… I didn’t know it.”

You shake your head as you try to process what he’s saying. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Where is this coming from?”

“I… Seeing you with Steve. I didn’t… It killed me inside.” Bucky admits.

“And you think that means you love me?” You spit out. “You said it yourself, Bucky Barnes doesn’t do relationships.” You shake your head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have my attention anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Bucky says adamantly. He turns his body on the bed so it’s facing you. “It made me realize I love you. It made me realize my favorite time of the day is when I get to spend time with you. That our Sundays spent reading and Saturdays watching Law and Order were always better than bars or parties because I was with you. I… I want to do the relationship things with you. Holding hands, just sleeping together. Telling people you’re my girlfriend.”

You stare at him tearfully. “How do you know it’s love? That you didn’t just miss me?”

“I know what it’s like to miss you. This feeling? This warmth in my chest when you’re around and the ache there when you’re gone? That’s not missing you. I...” He pauses. “I love you. And It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore-“

“-Anymore?” You question. Your eyes squeeze shut as you headache gets worse. “Bucky, what-“

“You told me you loved me last night. You were drunk, I know, but-“

“Fuck.” You laugh to yourself as you take in everything he has said. Pieces of last night come flashing back to your mind. Crawling into Bucky’s lap, crying, admitting you had loved him. “Oh God.” You groan, rubbing your hands over your face.

“Bucky you don’t have to-“ You shake your head. “You don’t have to try and make this something it isn’t because you feel bad.”

“I’m not.” Bucky reaches a hand out to rest on your back. “What can I do to make you believe me?”

You look over at him. “Prove it.”

》

Steve meets him for coffee later that morning. You’re out with Wanda for Sunday brunch and Bucky is on his final stop of his apology tour. 

“Hey.” Steve looks up from his phone and smiles at Bucky. “Can I sit?” Bucky motions to the chair across from him and Steve nods.

Steve pushes a black coffee over to Bucky, whose nose scrunches up at the scent. Fair, Bucky thinks. “What’s up?” Steve asks quietly. “You missed our run this morning.”

Bucky looks down at the table. “I had some stuff to deal with. You know with-“ Bucky cuts himself when Steve nods. “Listen, I wanted to say I’m sorry. Shit was never supposed to get this messed up.”

Steve shrugs. “You tell her?” He gives Bucky a knowing smile. “That you love her?”

Bucky gives him a small smile in return. “I did. Yeah.” He taps his fingers against the table. “She’s got some, uh, trust issues with me. But it makes sense. We’re gonna take it slow.”

“I’m happy for you, Buck.” Steve admits after taking a sip of his drink. “I was never mad or angry with you. I always knew she still cared for you and I think I always knew it would never be anything serious.”

Bucky nods. “Thanks, Steve.” He looks down at his coffee with an appreciative smile.

“Besides,” Steve smirks, “Natasha is super cool. We exchanged numbers last night after she asked about what was going on between you two.”

》

Bucky invites you to spend Christmas with his family. You don’t even have to think about it before you say yes. Christmases with his family were always full of warmth and love; You absolutely loved it. 

You’re more excited to be here this year too, to celebrate with him in this way. As his girlfriend, you had heard him tell Rebecca over the phone when informing her of his plans to drive up to see them Christmas Eve. 

You had the perfect gift for him too, well, you have a few gifts for him. Most of them could wait for Christmas with his mom and sister, but there were two you were just desperate to see his reaction to.  

That’s why you slip out of his room in the early hours of the morning when the sky is still dark and everybody is asleep. 

That’s how Bucky wakes up, a small, wrapped box sitting on the nightstand and you nowhere to be found. Bucky eyes the box warily before looking around the rest of his bedroom. Your suitcase is unzipped and he can tell it’s be riffled through before being shoved back into the corner os his room.

His door is pushed open quietly. “Why are you up?” His voice makes you jump and spin so your back slams against the door. Bucky has to bite back a laugh as you take a couple deep, calming breaths. 

“I...I was going to wake you up.” You tip toe across the room and crawl into bed beside Bucky. You suck in a deep, nervous breath. While you and Bucky had been dating for the past few weeks, you had also been taking it slow. “For gifts.” 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrow as he sits up a little straighter in bed. “Gifts? It’s five in the morning, I promise Becca and my mom are in such deep sleep we couldn’t wake them if we tried.”

Kind of what I’m banking on, you think. “No. I mean.. Our gifts, for each other.” You explain in a soft voice, before reaching over to pick up the small box you had left sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t want to give you this in front of your family and I don’t think I can wait.” You admit a little sheepishly. 

Bucky looks down at the box with a soft smile. “Just let me get one of your gifts.” He sits it down on the comforter before crawling out of the bed and moving to his suitcase. He picks up a small box, wrapped in the same gift paper his is because he had stolen your roll, and smiles up at you.

He hands it over and the two of you just stare at each other with bright, happy smiles before tearing into the wrapping paper at the same time. Your mouth drops open in shock when you open the box.

A bracelet is staring back at you. A silver band filled with charms that make you smile as you run your fingertips over each one. Your alma mater’s mascot. The Brooklyn Bridge. A bottle of wine. “Buck...” You trail off in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“Sweets.” He says the nickname gently and you look up to watch him pull the watch out of the box with a small smile. “This is...” He flips it over in his hand and his eyes widen when he notices the engraving on the back.

the best lovers start as friends.

“I love you.” He runs a finger of the engraved metal as you whisper softly, “I... I’ve loved you for so long, Buck, and having your love in return is unlike anything I could have imagined.” 

Bucky drops the watch on the bed between you as he reaches across to pull you into a bruising kiss. You drop your own gift onto the bed and reach up to rest a hand on his chest. 

“I love you.” Bucky pulls away to whisper the words. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” He punctuates each sentence with a kiss to your skin. You giggle softly as he moves towards you and his hand settles on your waist. 

“I have something else for you.” You pull away to remove the bracelet and watch from the bed. Bucky watches as you move so you’re on your knees with intrigued eyes. You smile coyly as you move to pull his shirt over your head. 

Bucky lets out a low moan as his eyes trail over your body, covered in dark green lace. “What’s this?” His fingers come up to trace over the lace and leave goosebumps in their wake. 

“Your second gift.” You murmur breathlessly as he fingers drift lower and lower. Bucky smirks as he leans towards you and presses a kiss to your neck, then across your collar bone until he’s trailing kisses down the valley of your breasts. 

He pulls away after a moment and looks up at you questioningly. “Are you sure?” 

You smile down at him and wrap your arms around his shoulders. “I wouldn’t have dropped this much money on lingerie if I wasn’t sure.” His arms wrap tightly around your waist as he pulls your body flush against his. 

“What did I do to deserve a gift like this?” He looks up at you with a bright smile. You run a hand through his hair. “Love me.” You answer genuinely. Red dusts Bucky’s cheeks at your words as you lean in to kiss him. 

You shift so you’re straddling Bucky’s lap. “Gonna fuck me?” You murmur in question against his lips. Bucky moans against you and his hips buck up involuntarily. His hand drops from your waist to your thigh and he trails his fingertips up. 

“You look so pretty, sweets.” He smirks up at you as his hand pushes the lace aside. He runs the tip of his index finger over your wet folds and you push down already wanting more from him. “Patience, sweetheart. Let me take you in. I wanna enjoy my gift.”

You moan as he begins to rub slowly against your clit. “Want you to ride my thigh first, sweets.” Bucky shifts you so your legs are straddled over his left thigh.

You moan as your clit rubs against his thigh. You pull at the waist band and his sweatpants and he helps you pull them off of his legs before situating your body back over him. “Fuck.” You let out a deep sigh as his hands land on your hips.

His eyes are dark and pupils blown as he stares at you above him. Bucky’s already hard, you can see his dick straining against his briefs. He doesn’t do more than lightly guide you by the hands on your hips, but his eyes watching you intently as you moan is enough to make your stomach twist in pleasure.

“Fuck, James.” He groans as his first name tumbles out of your mouth in a breathy moan. “You look so pretty on my thigh, sweetheart. I love watching you.”

He leans forward then, to press kisses across your breasts as you move back and forth against him. “Feels so good.” One of your hands twists in his hair and Bucky moans against your skin.

You move faster against him as you feel yourself get wetter. You moan his name like a mantra as Bucky’s hands grip you tighter and tighter.

Bucky’s hands force you to a stop. You whine at the lost of pleasure, but it’s not long before Bucky has you flipped so you’re laying on your back beneath him.

“Gonna fuck you, is that okay sweets?” He leans back to pull his shirt off and you nod hastily as your hands come up to pull at his briefs. It’s not long before you’re bare underneath him, the lace garments discarded to the floor of his bedroom.

“Gotta be quiet.” He runs his tip over you folds in a teasing manner that almost makes you moan out. Instinctively, your hips buck up with a quiet whine. His hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Don’t want Becca to hear. She’s just down the hall, sweets.”

It’s a warning and it makes heat spread through you. You’re not sure if it’s the idea that you could get caught in his childhood bedroom or the way Bucky’s voice deepens, but it makes you tired of waiting. “Please.” Your beg is muffled by his hand, but he hears it. He doesn’t wait any longer, he pushes himself all the way in and you both let out relieved moans at the feeling. “Fuck. Fuck. You always feel so good, baby.” 

Your back arches into his body as he begins fucking you at a slow pace. When he seems satisfied that you won’t make too much noise, his hand moves from your mouth he rests his forearm on the pillow beside your head. “James.” It’s a whispered moan that makes his hips stutter. “Faster. Please. I’ll be quiet.” You promise, your legs wrapping around him. Bucky leans down to press a bruising kiss to your lips as he fucks into you faster. You moan into his mouth as pleasure rushes through you. 

There’s something extremely intimate about the way he fucks into you, one hand holding onto your hip and another resting beside your head. It’s love, you realize when he pulls back to look at you with soft eyes. It does something to you, makes want rush through your veins and pulls the air from your lungs. “I love you.” You whisper into the space between you two, Bucky still pushing in and out of you. 

“I love you.” His eyes slide shut and his head falls to nuzzle into your neck. “You look at me like that again I’m not gonna last, sweets.” He press a gentle kiss to your neck before beginning to suck harshly. You’re sure there will be a mark there tomorrow that you’ll never live down, but you can’t bring yourself to care when his tongue runs over the mark and your stomach clenches in excitement. 

“Fuck. I’m so close, Bucky, please. I- I need-“ His hand is reaching between your bodies before you can spit the sentence out. His finger rubs against your clit as he quickens his pace. “Yes. Yes.” You moan, and you can immediately tell it’s too loud when Bucky freezes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You mutter, so close and desperate for him to resume his pace. 

“I know, I’m close too, but we can’t wake the house up.” You throw your head back and bite down hard enough to draw blood when he resumes his movements. He’s rubbing at your already sensitive clit and fucking you quickly, it’s all too much as your stomach tightens in pleasure. “Yeah. I can feel you, baby. Come for me, please. I need to feel you.” His tone is deep and possessive in your ear. 

When he slams into you hard, your orgasm washes over you. Your mouth opens in a moan that Bucky catches with a messy kiss. You can feel his hips stutter against you as he reaches his own high and releases into you. 

The two of you stay like that for a moment, just breathing with each other. “Merry Christmas.” You laugh softly as Bucky pulls out and moves to grab a towel from his desk chair. 

Bucky smiles as he comes to lay beside you again and wipes gently at your thighs.  He pulls the comforter up so it’s wrapped around both of you again and pulls you so your head rests against his chest. “Merry Christmas.” He whispers in return.

You glance out the window and find that it’s snowing again. You’ll probably be snowed in for the next few days, but you don’t really mind, not with Bucky here and in your arms the way you’ve always wanted. 

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // this took weeks to finish and i truly hope whoever reads it through enjoys it! 

my writing is free & will remain free. if you enjoy it and you have the resources, consider donating to my ko-fi :)

[searidings]

hi, i just love you and your writing

can i suggest something - you are in love (taylor swift) and supercorp

i cannot listen to that song without going yeah, that's them

(also on ao3 if you prefer)

Five years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, five years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which is as close as Lena's come to happiness since she'd woken up ziptied to a chair in her brother's office. This moment which, despite the fuzzy feeling of her unbrushed teeth and the pungent aroma of burnt toast filling the air, is perfect.

Kara, bed-warm and sleep-heavy, is gazing beseechingly down at the charred remains of a slice of a bread as though if she only pouts hard enough, its edges will un-blacken and its corners will stop smoking.

“I'm so sorry,” she says as Lena rounds the screen separating Kara's bedroom from the rest of the apartment and perches herself on a barstool, tugging her borrowed sleep shorts a little lower down her thighs.

Kara's tone is mournful, her face so forlorn she looks to be one deep breath away from tears. “I wanted breakfast to be perfect, since it's your first time staying over and if it's terrible you might not want to stay again and I, I really want you to stay again, but I don't know why you would since you probably have a private chef waiting for you at home and I can’t even manage toast—”

“Kara,” Lena interrupts, biting at the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Kara's bottom lip trembles. “It's fine, really. I once set fire to my dorm kitchen trying to boil an egg. And besides,” she winks as blue eyes meet hers. “I like to give my personal chef the weekends off.”

Kara huffs out a relieved chuckle, her face brightening. “Oh, well, in that case,” she grins, a sparkle returning to her eyes. “I'd better feed you up before you go home. Never let it be said that I don't look after you.”

Lena can't help the smile that pulls at her as the warm bright feeling in her chest grows and grows. She tugs the sleeves of Kara's sweatshirt over her hands, fighting the urge to fidget as the blonde orders a frankly obscene amount of food from the brunch place on the corner.

She feels exposed like this, face bare and hair sleep-mussed, unshowered with unbrushed teeth, huddled inside borrowed clothes after the impromptu invitation to stay over when last night's movie marathon ran late. It's a far cry from the regimented composure she fights so hard every day to project, and something in her chest twists anxiously.

Kara is a reporter, after all, and National City really doesn't need any more reasons to hate Lena right now. The darkest corner of her mind – the one which has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to come crashing down ever since the whirlwind of Kara's too-good-to-be-true friendship had come blazing into her life – still worries that this may all be an elaborate ruse. A trap, a way to get close to her in order to assess her weaknesses, to bring her down with an inside scoop.

But in their six months of friendship, Kara's never given her any reason to believe she has any kind of ulterior motive. And despite the suspicions and anxieties hammered into her by a lifetime of hurt, Lena knows now that even if this is a trap, she'll take the bait willingly. Especially if it means Kara will keep looking at her like there might just be something in Lena that's worth her time.

"Hey,” the blonde says gently, leaning back against the counter opposite and pinning Lena with a searching look. “You okay? You kind of zoned out on me there.”

Lena jumps, blinking back into herself with a start. “Yes, sorry. I was miles away.”

The blonde only smiles, flicking on the coffee machine at her elbow. “You sleep okay?”

“Very well, thank you,” Lena answers, fighting to lessen the formality of her tone, to soften the edges her harsh childhood had sharpened into a fortress to keep the world at bay. “Your bed is surprisingly comfortable. I had a great night's sleep.”

"Perhaps the company had something to do with it,” Kara winks as she turns to pull two mugs down from the hooks at her shoulder. Lena thinks back to the smell of Kara's sheets and the soft pulls of her breathing, to the warmth of Kara's ankle against her calf and the strong fingers that had wrapped themselves in the sleeve of Lena's sweatshirt in sleep, anchoring them together. She blushes.

Kara only smirks, pouring their drinks and grabbing the milk from the fridge. “Well, the food's all ordered, it should be here soon,” she says over her shoulder, the waterfall of her golden ponytail mesmerising in the bright rays of morning light filtering in through the vaulted windows. “And you don't need to head off in a hurry, unless you have plans—?”

She glances back at Lena, who shakes her head. “Great!” she grins. “’Cause I was thinking, maybe we could check out the botanical gardens, since it's such a nice day? Oh, and there's a new bakery right across the street that I've been dying to try—”

Lena listens to the blonde's excited rambling with an endeared smile plastered to her face, feeling happy and warm and wanted with every fibre of her being. The feeling is new but so welcome she could cry, and Lena wonders – not for the first time – how she ever got so lucky.

Kara's presence in her life is like sugar in her coffee; meant only to sweeten that which has always been bitter.

Lena's always taken her coffee black. Softening the blow was never much her style.

But here, now, perched at Kara's breakfast bar with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug the blonde has brewed to perfection, sunlight streaming in and highlighting the angles and planes of Kara's face, the way she’s smiling at Lena like there's nowhere else in the world she'd rather be, she realises her reasoning is twofold.

Sugar isn't just appetising. It's addictive. And now that Lena's had a taste of sweetness, she's hooked.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

Four years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, four years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which may well be one of the lowest of Lena's life. And she's had some doozies.

The two bottles of wine she'd managed to mainline between Sam leaving to orchestrate damage control at L-Corp and Kara arriving and attempting to confiscate her glass have well and truly caught up to her now. She sways heavily on her stool, the room spinning. Tears sting her vision and guilt scorches her throat as she presses a hand over her eyes so she won't have to look at Kara's face anymore.

“Please, just— just, stop believing in me, okay?” she slurs, heart full to shattering with the faces of lead-poisoned children. “I am not worth it.”

She hears Kara sigh, and the room falls silent for a long long time. Lena drops her head fully into her hands, fighting the nausea that's taken root in the pit of her stomach. It could be the booze that's causing it, of course, but it could also be the incessant headlines baying for her blood, the bullet James had taken for her that she'd fully deserved, the curse of her family finally fulfilling itself.

The guilt, the worry, the crushing disappointment of the knowledge that despite her very best efforts, she'll never be anything but a monster— it's too much to feel. It's too much to bear.

So, Lena drinks.

She drains her glass. She pours another. Kara watches, silent and disapproving, fingers twitching against the granite countertop between them.

Lena finishes her glass. Splashes the last dregs of the bottle into it, blood on ice. Still Kara watches, motionless and mute. It's only when Lena's swallowed the last of the red and is lurching unsteadily to her feet to source another that she moves, a hand reaching out to encircle her wrist.

Shame ignites beneath her skin and she pushes Kara away. Snaps at her to go home, to learn to recognise a lost cause when she sees one and just give up already. Kara refuses with a stoic shake of her head, and Lena sighs.

They repeat the same routine three times en route to Sam's wine rack, the blonde shadowing her every step. Each time, Lena wobbles, head fuzzy and room spinning. Each time, Kara steadies her, and Lena flinches from her touch like her palm is a brand, snarls at her to leave, to cut her losses, to just fuck off. Each time, Kara refuses.

She eventually retrieves the wine after a number of unsuccessful attempts but overbalances on her toes, bottle slipping from her grip as she sways dangerously. And then Kara is there, glass bottle caught a split second before it can shatter, a firm arm at her waist that will not be rebuffed.

Lena struggles, shoving and protesting, but this time Kara does not give in. “Enough,” she says quietly, firmly, blue eyes burning a mere inch from Lena's own. “Lena, enough.”

Lena's unsteady legs buckle further and Kara’s basically holding her up now, walking her slowly over to the couch and she shouldn't be this strong, surely, shouldn't be lifting Lena onto the cushions quite this easily. But it's such a minor concern when weighted against the fact that Lena is personally responsible for the hospitalisation of children that her mind brushes over it, forgets it immediately.

"Please go home,” she slurs as the blonde arranges her on the couch, as she stashes the unopened wine far out of reach and sets about finding blankets and pillows in various cupboards. “Please, just— leave me alone.”

“No,” Kara says, almost snaps, glancing back over her shoulder. Partially hidden in the linen cupboard, her face is cast deep in shadow, a splinter of half-concealed truth. “I made you a promise, I gave you my word. I'm your friend, and I will protect you. Always.”

She crosses back to the couch, soft blankets and pillows held out in invitation. When Lena refuses the offering Kara sighs, draping a knitted throw over her anyway and perching on the cushions beside Lena's hip. “I'm not going to leave you, so you might as well stop asking,” she hums, softer now, a hand reaching toward her that Lena no longer possesses the strength or coordination to bat away.

Long fingers make contact with her cheek, with the mussed curls tangling in her eyelashes, and Kara sighs. “You are not your brother,” she murmurs, fingertips grazing Lena's cheekbone, sliding back to thread into the fine hair at her temple. “And you never will be. There's too much light in you to allow for that kind of darkness, so put that fear down, Lena. Let it go. Be free of it.”

Tears spring unbidden to her eyes. “I poisoned children.”

Kara tilts forward and Lena wonders if it's just that her vision has upped its spinning, but then warm lips are pressing against her forehead, soft and delicate as gossamer wings. Kara's mouth moves against her skin, breath damp and sweet and unmistakeably her. “You saved the world.”

Neither one of them moves. When Lena speaks again, the words hit the elegant hollow of Kara's throat. “I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve you.”

Kara's lips are still on her forehead. “I don't care.”

Lena feels as if her throat is splitting open, every last fear and hatred and worry and insecurity gushing out of her in an unstoppable stream. “I'm scared.”

“I know.” Kara's lips press once more, and then withdraw. They watch each other in the dim light from the kitchen. Lena's vision is beginning to blur at the edges. Kara's hand is still in her hair.

“You will get through this,” the blonde whispers, so earnest Lena almost manages to believe her. “We'll figure it out. Together.”

Heart in her mouth, tongue sticking behind her teeth, Lena's eyes slide closed.

The sweetness of Kara's words, her gentle touches, seep inside her like honey. She doesn't deserve it but God, she wants it. She wants to be worthy of Kara's faith in her more than she's ever wanted anything in her life. She wants Kara more than she's ever wanted anything in her life.

And it's telling, she knows, that she's just lost the trust of all of National City, that she has no way of easing those children's suffering and no way to prove that she isn't the cause of it, that she's finally living up to the Luthor name she's been running from ever since she'd learned what it truly meant and yet in this moment, with Kara's hand in her hair and the ghostly imprint of her lips on Lena's skin, none of it seems to matter.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

Three years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, three years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which stands alone as an oasis of calm in the turbulent tumult of the past days, weeks, months of chaos. Lex's escape from custody, Eve Teschmacher's betrayal, James’ shooting, the Harun-El serum, the whole shitty totality of it all has been weighing Lena down like an nth metal chain around her neck.

And Kara, Kara hasn't been around. The one person who has always managed to ease Lena's suffering has deserted her when she needs her the most and it feels like she's been sliced open, cracked in two.

She tells her as much, when Kara at last comes to see her. Tells her she's missed her, tells her she needs her, all but begs her to stay. And what does Kara do? She leaves.

And when she leaves, Lena is gripped by a panic so intense she fears she may never breathe freely again. So terrified is she that Kara is gone for good, that she's forced away the best thing that's ever happened to her, that almost before she knows what's happening she finds herself at Catco with apologies dripping from her own tongue.

Anything to get Kara back. Anything to keep her.

Lena apologises. Kara apologises. Lena cries, and Kara holds her, and tells her that the decision to help her brother when he was dying of cancer doesn't make her the monster she now believes herself to be. And standing on her office balcony with Kara's fingers wrapped around her biceps, with her own tears spotting dark on Kara's blazer, Lena manages to believe her.

When she's collected herself, smoothed away the wetness coursing down her cheeks, she speaks. “I really want to help you with your investigation on Lex.”

Kara's face lights up; Lena's whole world along with it.

“I'd love that,” Kara says, voice quiet and still a little tentative in the wake of their new truce. “But first— would you, um. Would you like to have lunch with me?”

Lena blinks. “Don't you want to get started on the exposé?”

“I do. But—” Kara's face is still painted that earnest shade from earlier, when she'd smoothed her hands over Lena's shoulders and whispered you are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul against the sensitive skin of her neck. Lena feels her cheeks heat up at the memory, at the intensity in the blue eyes still roving her face.

Kara shuffles her feet but her gaze is clear, unwavering. “But you were right. I've spent too much time recently prioritising the wrong things. So, I want to work on this exposé with you, and I want to bring your brother down. But first, I'd really just like to have lunch with my best friend.”

Lena's heart trips in her chest. “I'd like that too.”

So, that's what they do. Kara asks her to wait, which she does, idly tapping out a few emails on her phone. And then the blonde is back, far quicker than should have been possible, with her arms full of takeout bags from the café on the third floor and she's taking Lena by the hand and leading her to Cat Grant's private elevator. She presses the button for the roof and Lena's gaze jumps to her face but Kara only smiles, and squeezes her fingers. “Trust me, it'll be worth it,” she hums, her excitement infectious. “You'll be safe with me.”

And Lena believes her.

That's how she ends up sitting at the edge of Catco's roof on a clean sheet Kara had borrowed from the builders on the second floor, heels kicked off, Kara's red blazer draped around her shoulders. It is worth it, she'll admit; the view from this high is phenomenal. The sun burns bright in a cloudless sky, glinting off the glass-sided skyscrapers of the business district, the glittering waters of the bay beyond.

Kara had picked up Lena's favourite salad, some flatbreads and dips, and they drink kombucha and eat strawberries in the sunshine. They talk and they laugh and they catch up and there's no more fighting, no animosity, no megalomaniac brothers or backstabbing secretaries or worlds needing to be saved. There's only them, she and Kara, and it feels like all she will ever need.

The blonde's hands are braced behind her on the rooftop and she looks happy and carefree as she regales Lena with stories of her upstairs neighbour's antics, and Lena feels the tight knot of tension that had taken up residence in her chest begin to unfurl.

"Hey,” Kara hums, pushing up straighter as Lena licks strawberry juice from her fingertips. The motion brings them closer, their shoulders brushing. “Look up.”

Lena does. High above them, a huge murmuration of starlings whirls and swoops through the air. Thousands of birds move together as one, a vast wave cresting but never breaking against the blue canvass of sky.

“Wow,” Lena gasps, awed.

Against her side, Kara hums. “Yeah.”

They watch the birds for a long moment, captivated by the ceaseless swirling and diving. When Lena at last tears her gaze away from the sky, Kara's eyes rest intently on her face. "Here,” the blonde murmurs, reaching out. The pad of one finger makes feather-light contact with her cheek. Lena's breath catches in her chest.

Kara holds out her finger, proffering the stray eyelash she'd captured with a smile. "Make a wish,” she whispers, her fingertip an inch from Lena's mouth. Her eyes never leave Lena’s.

Lena looks from Kara's face to the eyelash, and back again. From somewhere deep inside her heart, the truth bubbles its way to the surface. “I don't need to.”

Kara smiles, a brilliant, beautiful smile, and Lena knows. The stresses and anxieties of their current crisis feel far away here, harmless as birdsong. She's meted out forgiveness, received it in return. For the first time in her adult life Lena has communicated an issue with a loved one and been heard, understood. She has admitted her own mistake without having it spell out the end of her relationship.

Lena smiles back. The weight of the world sublimates into nothing beneath the bliss of a simple picnic in the sun.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

Two years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, two years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which has sapped the both of them to the bone. Another fight, another screaming match, another quick-fire back and forth of accusations and recriminations. Another night of cursing and crying and choking on all the things they never said before this, on all the things they can't now that Kara's secret has detonated in the shrinking space between them like a nuclear bomb.

Another round of bloodshed, and for what?

Lena sags against the arm of the couch, exhausted. Her face is hot, scratchy with salt from the tears still drying on her skin. She's dehydrated, probably, and half hoarse from shouting, tongue blistered with the bitter sting of betrayal.

Across the no man's land of her living room, Kara slumps against the floor-length windows, drops her temple to the cool glass. She's breathing heavily, cheeks wet, posture battered and eyes dark-bruised beneath the force of Lena's wrath. As Lena watches, her eyes slide closed.

It's been three months since Lena found out. Three weeks since Kara found out that Lena had found out.

Every night since, they've done this. Every night, Kara has shown up on her balcony and begged, pleaded, apologised, cajoled, defended, rebuffed, and sobbed. Every night, Lena has unleashed the hollow agony of Kara's deception masquerading as anger in her chest, incinerating the both of them in the fires of her desolation.

She would have expected the wounds to have cauterised by now. To feel some kind of release, the relief of catharsis. Or at least, to have expended some of her fury after all this time.

She hasn't.

They've been at this for three hours already this evening, and gotten nowhere. Kara's skin is pale above that fucking supersuit, face drawn and complexion sallow.

Lena knows how she feels. The singular exhaustion that is her rift with Kara has sapped her in every way imaginable. She can't sleep. She barely eats. She's no longer interested in work, research, friends. There's nothing in her life that isn't tainted by the shadow of the lies her best friend told and kept telling, every day for four years. Lena doesn't know how any amount of screaming and crying is ever going to get them past that.

Across the room, Kara sighs. It might be the saddest sound Lena has ever heard.

“Should we keep doing this?” she asks after an interminable silence, voice rough with tears still building. Her eyes are still closed.

Lena manages, with exorbitant effort, to raise her drooping head. “What?”

“Is there a point to all this?” Kara asks quietly, hunched body sliding a little further down the glass. "The explanations, the fighting?”

Blue eyes blink open. The weight of the sadness in them is unbearable. Lena struggles to find it within herself to care.

“Lying to you about who I am is the single biggest mistake I have ever made, and if it will make even one single shred of difference I will apologise to you every day for as long as I live,” Kara says into the aching chasm between them. “But I can't keep doing this. Not if it won't change anything. I can't— I don't want to keep hurting you.”

An hour ago, Lena would have scoffed at a sentiment like that. Would have parried back with some piercingly dry comment about how the blonde should have thought about that before she decided to betray Lena's trust as soundly as she possibly could.

Now, though— now, she's just too tired.

“So, should we keep doing this?” Kara whispers, throat working. “Or— God, Lena. Should we just— should we give up?”

Green eyes meet blue, two shattered hearts haemorrhaging between them. “Is that what you want?”

“No.” Kara's voice is loud, fiercely determined in the face of Lena's hesitant whisper. “God, no. Never. I don't ever want to give up on you, Lena. I don't ever want to give you up.”

Kara straightens then, with a strength Lena cannot imagine mustering herself. Perks of being a superhero, she supposes. Perks of being Kryptonian. The thought stakes another shard of ice through her bleeding heart.

“But I know that I've spent four years calling the shots for both of us by keeping you in the dark,” Kara continues. “I've taken away your agency. I've taken away your choice. I won't do that again.”

She sucks in a deep breath, a little of Supergirl's regality seeping back into the defeated slump of her shoulders. “So, I'm doing what I should have done from the start. I'm being honest with you, and hoping that you'll be honest back. I'm asking what you want.”

Kara's fingers twist anxiously before her, bottom lip bleaching white beneath the nervous pressure of her teeth. “Do you think we should keep doing this? Or do you— fuck.” Her voice cracks, the tears brimming in her eyes once again breaking free. “Do you want to give up?”

Jesus Christ. Lena never knew that the prospect of doing the right thing could hurt so much.

“Fuck,” she mutters as she kneads her knuckles over her closed eyelids, digging in until white lights starburst across her vision. “Fuck, Kara.”

“I know,” the blonde whispers from across the room, brittle and broken. “I know. I'm sorry.”

Lena slows her assault on her own eyelids, pinching thumb and forefinger hard at the bridge of her nose instead. “I want to give up,” she mutters, and in the taut silence between them she hears the blonde gasp, watery and thick.

Lena blinks open her eyes to find Kara's face crumpling, every facet of her seeming to fold in on itself even as she visibly fights to keep herself upright.

Lena sighs, and hates Kara, and hates herself even more. “I want to, but— I can't.” She sucks in a ragged breath, hating the truth that's just fallen from her lips, hating the lies that had necessitated it. Hating everything and everyone and most of all, hating just how much she's hurting. “I can't give this up.”

The tiniest spark of hope flares to life in Kara's eyes. Lena hates that she notices, hates that she cares, hates that the sight eases the tight knot of devastation clawing at her ribcage just the tiniest bit.

She also knows that this was inevitable. She knows that, though she hates Kara, though she's nowhere close to forgiving her, though she has no idea how they can rebuild from here or even if she truly wants to try, a question like Kara's could only ever have one answer.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

-

One year from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, one year from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which is barely even a moment at all. It's more like a dream, warm and faded and fogged in darkness, seconds stolen when sleep should have long since claimed them.

Kara's nightmare had woken them both. In the month since they'd pulled her out of the Phantom Zone, she hadn't slept alone once. Often, she stays with Alex, curling into her sister's side the way she would when they were just kids after one too many late-night horror movies. Once, she stays with Nia, tucked up snug in a borrowed pair of puppy print pyjamas.

Mostly, she stays with Lena. It's natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, the way Kara will show up at her place after a Supergirl save or Lena will let herself into the blonde's apartment after a late night in the lab. They cook dinner and watch Celebrity Masterchef and brush their teeth elbow to elbow at the bathroom sink and when Kara is inevitably tugged screaming and sobbing from her night terrors, the way she presses her face to Lena's neck and her hand over Lena's heart is natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, too.

Kara's racing pulse has calmed a little, her grip on Lena's body beneath her losing some of its urgent desperation. After a long moment of Lena's hand stroking her hair, of gentle reassurances and lips pressed to her temple the blonde pulls back, just enough to rest her head on the pillow facing her.

In the dim light filtering in through the bedroom window Kara's pupils are blown, her face solemn. There's something in her heavy gaze that Lena can't identify; something weighted and potent that prickles goosebumps up the length of her spine.

"Feeling better?” she whispers into the inch of warm air between them, reaching out to tuck a sweat-matted curl reverently behind the blonde's ear.

Kara catches her retreating hand and holds tight, twining their fingers together on the narrow swathe of pillow between them. If either of them were to move so much as a millimetre, their clasped hands would press against their lips.

The blonde nods and sure enough, the soft heat of her mouth brushes the back of Lena's knuckles. She shivers.

Kara is still watching her, the intensity of her gaze causing Lena's heart to thud hard in her throat. She squeezes lightly at the fingers threaded through her own. “What?”

A pause, heavy and sweet as overripe fruit. Kara blinks once, slow. “You're my best friend.”

Lena swallows down a sudden swell of emotion. The blonde nudges closer and when she speaks, the wet seam of her lips catches on the angle of Lena's bent knuckles, painting her skin with the words.

“You're the most important person in the world to me,” Kara whispers, breaths skating fire-flashes across Lena's fingers, voice muffling out past the mouth pressed to her skin. “You know that, right?”

Lena's voice deserts her in the wake of the quiet words. She leans forward instead, presses her lips to Kara's fingertips where they rest against the back of her own hand. It's answer enough.

She hears Kara's breath catch, feels the disruption mirrored in her own chest. Both their mouths are pressed to the joined hands clasped between them. If they were to move their fingers down even just a fraction, there would be nothing separating their lips but a promise, a prayer.

Kara's eyelashes flutter in the semi-darkness. The tip of her nose brushes Lena's own. Neither one of them moves their hands.

They only gaze at one another a long moment, and Lena wonders if the blonde is memorising the planes of her face the way she's memorising Kara's. She could look at her forever, be happy here with her forever, and in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

For the first time, she wonders if she might not be the only one.

-

Right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking Lena's hand.

It's been three weeks since they'd taken down Lex for the last time. Three weeks since Kara had stormed into the Tower's med bay to cup Lena's bloody, bruised face in her hands; since she'd brushed her thumbs feather-light over Lena's split eyebrow and purpling jaw and growled don't you ever scare me like that again. Three weeks since she'd leaned in and pressed her lips to Lena's.

It's been two weeks and six days since Lena, confined to a gurney but utterly uncaring thanks to the warm Kryptonian curled against her side, had pressed her aching face to Kara's shoulder and first whispered that she loved her. Two weeks and six days since Kara had first said it back.

It's been two weeks and five and a half days since Nia had walked in on Lena in Kara's arms, lips pressed to her neck and hands wandering beneath her sweatshirt, and promptly shrieked the place down. Since their friends had exchanged pointed glances and relieved sighs and congratulated them on finally making it official, their expressions ranging from overjoyed to exasperated to plain exhausted.

It's been two weeks and four days of she and Kara dating; of morning kisses and shared showers and the perfect partner at game night and all of Lena's wildest dreams coming true.

It's been less than a minute since Kara had admitted, hushed and wondering, that she'd known she was in love with Lena ever since she'd found herself suddenly prepared to poison National City's entire water supply rather than let Lena fall. That she hadn't been able to fully it admit it to herself until she'd found herself suddenly prepared to alter the course of all of history in order to get Lena back.

And right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking her hand. She's looking deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice barely rises above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And now that she has, Lena is sure of her answer.

The highlight reel of her relationship with Kara lays itself at Lena's feet, each precious memory between them stretching out like a roadmap of her growing affection, with every hard-won step leading her right to this moment.

And in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love with Kara. Really, she always has been.

[punzieeeee]

flynnstopher·:

A chuckle escaped him at her own laugh and the hesitance that she seemed to have over both of the movies plots. It was the exact kind of reaction Flynn had expected when he told her what his new films were going to be about. “Of course that’s okay. And you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Or you could just come with me on the carpets, sit out for the movie, then we’ll hit the after party together. And then when the movies come out to watch at home, we can watch them right here, where they might not be as scary,” he suggested, even though he already knew there was no way Rapunzel wouldn’t be right there with him in the theater at the premiere, no matter how scared she may be. It was the same way he’d show up to every gallery opening she may have, no matter how little he knew about art.

Though she pointed out once more that Finnick was simply just a friend, Flynn couldn’t help but think that likely won’t be the case for long. Rapunzel was amazing, the best girl that he’s ever met - there was no way the artist wouldn’t see that as well. It was only a matter of time before the other guy started to fall for the blonde, it was inevitable as far as Flynn could see. Nodding his head in agreement at the sentiment of having friends that understood and shared the same interests, his smile was a bit forced in an attempt to reassure he was fine. “No, no. You didn’t do anything. It’s just been a long day, my brain’s a little bit mush from going over so many lines,” he explains, not necessarily lying either, though it certainly wasn’t the entire truth. “No, it’s fine. Now did this artist guy treat you right and get dessert as well or are you up for some of the ice cream I got us on the way home from rehearsal? I even grabbed some chocolate chip cookies from the bakery - I thought we could make our own semi-homemade ice cream sandwiches.”

"Wait--" she started, not realizing just how serious a movie premiere might be, Of course, Rapunzel had seen movies before where things like that were played out fictitiously, but it hadn't exactly dawned on her that going to a real red carpet and attending the screening of a movie with its cast was something that people could do. "I'm allowed to go on the carpet? There's an after party, too?" Maybe these were things she should've known when she found out that Flynn was an aspiring actor, but never before had he been cast in something that would require so much fanfare. "Oh, my gosh, are people going to ask for your autograph, too? No, of course I have to be there for that. Like I said, I'll just close my eyes for some parts, but I hope your director won't think it's because I'm bored, or sleeping. I feel like at home it might be more scary, don't you think? Like, the things could somehow find me here, I don't know." she admitted, the very same way she'd felt about the first remotely scary movie that her mother had let her watch.

The need to check if Finnick had treated her right was only slightly unsettling, the assumption being that there was an undertone of more-than-friends involved. Flynn had never acted this strange when she'd gone out with other friends and come home late: just Finnick. There was no need for him to treat her any certain way if it was just friendly--or, at least, that's what she'd picked up on from the minor accusatory undertone that had come with the suggestion. "No, just dinner. I think we were both too stuffed by the end of it for dessert back then, but now, since I've had time to digest ..." she trailed off, raising a brow as she stood with her hand outstretched to help him up. "That sounds amazing. Sorry if I kept you waiting to eat them, especially if the cookies were warm."

[feriowind]

i wrote up a whooole feral luffy AU bit on twitter last night so am posting it here too (slightly cleaned up) hahaha

Feral luffy AU where the basis is that Luffy is the one who, somehow, set sail the day the celestial dragons arrived and had his boat shot down. 

 He's considerably further out to sea when this happens, and when he falls into the water, he's swept away by a strange ocean current. He winds up on a deserted island surrounded by the same strange currents and it keeps him stranded. 

 Ace and Sabo are devastated by the loss of Luffy, as is Garp, Makino, Dadan and the bandits, and later on Dragon and Shanks when they find out, attempts are made to locate Luffy's body but they never find him, the assumption that he sank too far out into the ocean due to his devil fruit. Ace & Sabo grow up significantly less cheerful without Luffy's presence, but their bond to one another is as strong as ever.

 Sabo fakes his death after begging Garp for help, anything to throw off his family from ever finding him again. Garp agrees because his hatred of certain nobility has grown significantly after Luffy's "death", and he can't stand the thought of losing another grandson.

 Luffy meanwhile, adapts as best he can. Surviving in this new jungle is painful, but doable despite the constant near brushes with death. The true hardship is how lonely he is without his brothers. Luffy has always thrived in the company of others, and without any he struggles, but again, Luffy adapts. 

 He manages to befriend some of the animals in the jungle, and accidentally discovers conqueror's haki when he nearly loses his hat to a predator, his one link to something beyond this island.

 The animals can't replace his brothers, but they ward off the loneliness. Throughout this time, Luffy makes multiple attempts to sail off the island with handmade rafts. Craftsmanship has never been his strong suit however, so they crumble instantly in the harsh currents.

 Perhaps due to luck, the currents always wash him back ashore instead of allowing him to sink and drown. Luffy's speech also slowly degrades over time. As much as he loves talking to his animal friends, the inability to hear someone else speak causes his words to slur and distort

 Ace and Sabo still hold true to their promise to set sail at age 17, but decide that they want to sail together instead of separating. When they finally set sail, they decide to take their time getting to the Grandline, exploring more of the East Blue at a leisurely pace.

After roughly a week of sailing, they get caught in a freak storm and are swept away by a giant wave where they too end up caught in the same strange current that stole Luffy all those years ago. The two wind up unconscious on Luffy's island, where Luffy finds them on the beach.

Luffy doesn't recognize them however, only that wow! For the first time since he arrived, there are other humans on the island with him that are alive! It's an exciting occurrence, and Luffy drags their bodies to the jungle where the tide won't reach.

When poking and prodding don't wake the two, Luffy sets off to gather food for his guests. He still remembers how tired and hungry he was when he first washed ashore, and figures they'd feel the same. As Luffy comes back, Ace wakes up in a panic.

Luffy rushes Ace in excitement and babbles. It's nearly incomprehensible to Ace however, especially in his panicked just-woken hazy-brained state. All Ace wants is to know where Sabo is and where this place is, and pushes Luffy away.

That's when Ace notices Sabo is lying just a few feet away asleep. The tension leaves him immediately and he's able to actually pay attention to the stranger trying to talk to him. 

Luffy is young and shorter than what he would have been had he been able to grow up on Dawn Island. His hair is long, wild and tangled, and he's dressed in furs and leathers. As Ace is studying him, he asks if he's the one who saved him and Sabo. 

For a moment Luffy stares silent, mind untangling the words until they make sense, and then he nods exuberantly. He tries to explain that he found them unconscious on the beach along with their boat, but Ace can barely decipher Luffy's speech. It sounds like someone speaking with a heavy accent at lightning speed.

But it’s then Ace notices the faint scar under Luffy's eye, and the strawhat hanging off his back. That in combination with Luffy's excited movements and speech sets off confusing alarms in his head.

Luffy's dead, Ace knows this, but he forces this strange kid to calm down and asks for his name. Again it takes a moment for Luffy to understand, and he replies. There's that same strange lilt to his words, but it's clear. Monkey D. Luffy! and it's said with a wide, proud grin.

Ace's world tilts then. Luffy? MONKEY D. LUFFY? His brain feels like its shorting out, refusing to register this new bit of information. He thinks he chokes a reply of some kind, but his mind feels blank. Luffy only laughs, not noticing Ace's shock.

In broken speech he asks for Ace's name too, but Ace doesn't hear his question, can only stare at Luffy's face. It can't be Luffy, he thinks. Because if it is... IF IT IS... They're only roughly a week's sail from Dawn Island. Just 7 days.

Is this boy trying to tell Ace that Luffy, in these past 7 years, was only a 7 days boat ride away? And they simply didn't look hard enough? He was here all alone while Ace and Sabo moved on? Ace's heart feels like it's constricting as his vision tunnels in on Luffy.

Luffy's finally noticed that this stranger is looking pale and ill, and pats him in worry. Is he sick? Does he need food? Are you okay, he asks. Ace grabs Luffy's arm then and stares at him with a strange expression. Luffy, it's me, he says, voice shaking. Ace.

Luffy's brows furrow in confusion and he tilts his head. Ace repeats himself, voice growing stronger. I'm Ace! he exclaims, and waits (prays) to see the light of recognition in Luffy's eyes.

Luffy mouths Ace's words silently to himself with frown. Ace? ...ACE! Luffy suddenly leaps towards Ace, landing directly on his chest and crushing him against a tree. He's directly on him and he's got Ace's head clasped roughly between his hands as he stares at his face intently

Ace? Luffy asks out loud, and starts repeating it over and over as he studies Ace's face. Luffy's grip is stronger than expected but Ace manages to give a jerky nod. The piercing stare breaks and Luffy's eyes water. ACE! he cries out in joy and it's the only word he can say.

Luffy wildly paws at Ace's face, then shoulders and arms, as if trying to make sure he's really there, and he's laughing and crying all at once. He then suddenly turns to Sabo on the ground and starts patting his body. He looks up at Ace with a hopeful smile and asks, Sabo?

Ace chokes back a sob because oh. OH. It's really Luffy! He was here this whole time and they never knew! Why hadn't they just looked HARDER? Luffy meanwhile crows in joy and triumph that BOTH his brothers are here with him. 

Ace gets down next to Sabo and starts violently shaking him. Wake up WAKE UP, how can he be SLEEPING when the greatest thing they thought they had lost was BACK. Sabo groans awake and is greeted by the pained teary face of Ace and an equally teary, but grinning stranger

 the shock of the scene jolts Sabo upright and he asks what's wrong? What happened? Ace just points to the boy beside him. It's Luffy, he says through clenched teeth, as if he were trying his best to stave off a breakdown. Huh? Sabo replies, what about Luffy?

 it's LUFFY, Ace grits out again, and this time Luffy chimes in with a cheery, Sabo! and leans in close to his face. Sabo is still confused and Ace nearly snarls in frustration. Luffy's ALIVE, Ace growls, and Luffy laughs. Sabo stares at Luffy and understanding slowly dawns.

 Luffy? he asks in disbelief, and Luffy nods excitedly before crowding in Sabo's face even more. Sabo! Luffy says with a smile and starts repeating his name like he had done with Ace earlier. Sabo, Luffy's been here this whole time, Ace says in a pained whisper.

 This whole time? And the same realization that Ace had grows in Sabo. Luffy, you've been here, all alone...? And we were so close? Sabo's body moves and wraps Luffy's body in a bone crushing hug. Luffy, I- we didn't know! Sabo stammers but it sounds like a terrible excuse.

 Guilt is devouring both Ace and Sabo but Luffy is only smiling. He's overjoyed that his brothers are here, and with their help he can definitely get off this island now! Things do work out!

 We have to go back to Dawn Island, Sabo says suddenly. We need to take Luffy home and we- we gotta tell Gramps! And Dadan and Makino! Luffy's okay! He's okay! And it's like a dam breaks and Sabo is the first one to break down into a full-body sob.

 Luffy gives a cry of dismay and does his best to comfort Sabo. Ace gives in and wraps both Luffy and Sabo in a hug. Both older brothers are whispering apologies to Luffy responds with just wrapping his arms several times around them both in one of his infamous rubbery hugs.

 like luffy had tried to explain earlier, the brothers' ship is beached on the coast and, surprisingly, only suffering a few minor scuffs. their departure is fairly swift, only waiting for the ideal weather after gathering some supplies and luffy's scant belongings

 Perhaps one or two of Luffy's animal friends joins them, but regardless, with the help of a 3 man crew, a sturdy ship, and an actual navigator, Luffy finally escapes the island, and the 3 brothers head home.

 Now all Ace and Sabo have to worry about is helping Luffy readjust to human civilization........

[nootqueen404]

Welcome to my Nightmare - Chapter One

Next Chapter

Want to see more of my work? Here's a Master List.

Summary:  Y/F/N Y/L/N is dragged to a show by their best friend on Halloween night. One of the bands performing is the newly reestablished Corroded Coffin with a “new, improved, and exonerated” Eddie Munson. No one can resist Eddie’s siren song, not that your long standing crush on him would make any difference. But he has clearly changed since being accused being a murderous cult leader. Will the change make any difference or will you become bolder in your pursuit?

Pairing: Vampire!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, Minor Steve Herrington x Fem!OC

WARNING (DNI if you're under 18. Them's the rules:) Everyone is over 18, Cursing, light shoving between friend, teasing, mention of Steve's chest hair, past bullying mentioned.

a/n: The was suppose to be a one-shot, but this first part alone was 7 pages long...good to know I'm still an overachiever. The first part is pretty tame.

Tags: @groupies-do-it-better @reddeadgirl666

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Usually you would be happy over the idea of having a long weekend, especially since this one just so happens to fall on Halloween. But this was Hawkins, Indiana. This town could never make up its mind whether to be the Center of Hell and Depravity, or as boring as ever other town in the Midwest. It didn’t help that your home was recently rocked with scandals about demons, earthquakes, and evil cults masquerading as an afterschool club. Oh! And did we mention that you have a major crush on their leader?                       Eddie “the Freak” Munson had been living rent free in your head since middle school. It all started when Jason Carver stole your copy of Salem’s Lot while you were sitting out on PE. You got the book as a get well gift from your best friend after breaking your leg on the trampoline. Jason had chucked it over the fence, landing page side down into a puddle. Since you still had the cast on you couldn’t get the book back. But Eddie saw everything and hopped the fence for you…and then broke Jason’s nose with a solid sucker punch.                        Chivalry wasn’t dead; it just comes in the form you least expect. In this case it was Munson and his shaved head and a mouth full of braces. You bonded over your love of horror, music, and all things nerdy. You even helped form the Hellfire Club along with him and your equally lovable best friend Faye Burgun.

“Hello?! Earth to y/n!”

Speaking of Faye; you snapped back to reality after a particularly hard jab in the ribs from her.

“Ow! What the fuck Faye?!” you snapped back at the tiny red head.

“Were you even listening to me? Look, I get that the last few months have been a choice, but we’re out of the woods now. It’s time to party!” She did a little dance while you were getting things out of your locker. Faye did a little spin as she swung open her over stuffed locker, cassette tapes and drawing of future costumes threatening to spill out. “Besides its Halloween!” she chirped before doing a power stance “This is the day you and I are at our strongest!”

The only other people you know who loved all things kooky, spooky, and weird other than Eddie was Faye Burgun, or “Burgie” as you liked to call her. You’ve been best friends since Pre-K when she moved out from the East Coast, and she was the one who got you into horror to begin with. Whenever she wasn’t doodling in the margins of her notebook or ranting about the latest movie, Faye was coming up with ideas for costumes and improving her skills as a makeup artist. She always insisted she was going to be “the Next Tom Savini.”

“Are you sure this is when I’m at my strongest? ‘Cuz right now I’m at my sleepiest. I don’t get how Ms. O’Donnell could possibly make a book as great as A Wrinkle in Time so boring.”

“That’s because she was created by US Government? They used their machines to pull her out of a Peanuts cartoon.” Faye smirked “How else are we going to defeat the Russians?” while making the same sound the adults do in the show. You couldn’t help but laugh. You could be feeling the lowest of the low and Faye would know how to pull you back out.

 “As I was saying, there’s a show going on at this wicked cool night club outside of town. It’s Halloween themed obviously and admission is half price if you dress up. Soooooo…” says Faye slamming her locker closed “We’re going, right?”

You let out an exhausted sigh “Wrong.”

“Wrong?! What the hell do you mean ‘wrong’?!”

“Just what I said, wrong” you shut your locker with a clunk and walked away.

Faye ran after you as fast as her 5’1” frame would let her, the chains on her pants jiggling like a certain cartoon fairy “No no no Y/N! Not wrong! You’re coming with me!”

“I can’t, Faye. My parents need me to stay back and keep an eye on the house while they are on vacation. The last thing they want is to come home from their trip to Montreal with a repeat of the Halloween of 83’.”

“You cleaned up all the toilet paper and eggs. I should know, I was there” Faye replies breathlessly, finally catching up to you.

You snort “I’m pretty sure half of that mess was yours.”

“One-fourth of that was possibly mine.”

“Whatever, Burgun.”

Faye manages to stand in front of you before reaching the exit, her tiny arms stretched out as far as they can go and let out a loud “No.”

“Y/N Y/L/N This is the last time we can celebrate Halloween before we graduate; before I leave for California! This..” She stops midsentence when you try to move past her, still managing to block the exit. “This is our last hurrah before we leave this dumpster fire of a town and make it big!”

You try to get around Faye again. It failed. “Please Y/n! I know shit has been rough with Hawkins blowing up for the seventh time in, what, four years?”

You try to dodge again, critical fail.

“And a bunch the class dying, in jail, or locked up at Penthurst Hospital…” Faye was counting each bat-shit insane thing that happened in the last six months alone on her fingers. “But this is our time, our moment to finally let loose; get to be kids again.”

You finally managed to break past your tiny punk friend, but now have to struggle to find the keys for your bike. “And I can’t risk my mom making me take a gap year after graduation because I picked a dumb show over keeping the house from burning down.” At first Faye looks totally defeated, but then a flicker of light flashes across her eyes and her lips curl into a Cheshire grin.

“Corroded Coffin is gonna be there,” she smiles.

Your head snaps back with such force that you accidently throw your keys at Faye, eyes growing wide. “Excuse me, what did you say?” Faye’s smile gets even bigger and she slowly repeats what she just said, clapping between each word.

“Corroded Coffin is going to be there! You get to see your husband, Mrs. Munson!”

You laugh, but the idea of being married to Eddie has been a long time dream of yours, “I have as much of a chance with Eddie Munson as you do with Steve Herrington.”

Faye grips her chest like she was shot. “Ouch! You didn’t need to dig that hard. It’s not my fault that’s fine as Hell.” She let out a dreamy sigh and stared off into space “I’d give up my autographed copy of Video-drone to run my fingers through Steve’s chest hair.”

You walk over, letting out an audible gagging sounds, and pick up your keys, “Wait, isn’t he in jail?” you ask “You know…for killing Jason’s ex?”

Faye shakes her head “Nope!”

“Nope?” you say stunned.

“Yup!  All charges were dropped after the DA got a hold of the files and realized with was a bunch of bullshit.” Faye finally decided to not be a human road block and was leaning against a pillar. For the first time in what feels like years you finally feel there is hope again.

He’s free. Eddie is finally free to just exist!

“Yes!!” you start bouncing up and down all giddy “That means Hellfire can get back together! I could-, “ you let out a loud gasp “that means he can graduate with us!”

Faye was digging through her own bag trying to find her car keys, just as excited as you. “That means you can finally tell him your feelings and get to making me a grandma.”

You start fidgeting with your Hellfire keychain Dustin Henderson made you last Christmas. You’ve wanted to tell Eddie your feeling for him for so long; you were planning on telling him when you all had graduated. One less thing on your plates, you know? But between him getting held back and the possibility of him being a serial killer, it would have been best to never bring it up at all. You feel Faye’s hands grip your face and you stop spinning.

“Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N this is your last chance to tell that dipshit how you feel! Your last chance! We almost lost Eddie for good, if not from being in jail then worse.” You hid your gaze. Yeah Faye Burgun was a goober that didn’t learnt to tie her shoes until she was sixteen, but when she said she was serious about something, she meant it.

Before you could answer her Faye pressed a pale finger to your mouth “Before you say anything, yes I know I’m right. The question now is are you going to tell Eddie Munson – the Eddie Munson – that you’re totally bonkers for him? That you’re coo-coo banana toots in love with him?”

You let out a frustrated groan and bat your best friend’s hands away from you to cup your own face “I know you’re right! Jesus Fucking Christ on a motorbike!” You take a deep breath and compose yourself.

It’s now or never, Y/n.

You look up at your best friend with the biggest grin you can muster:

“I’m going!”

Faye launches herself into your arms for a giant hug. You both run off, arms linked together like you were six-years-old again about to cause some mayhem on the playground. Faye pulled found her keys in the pocket of her battle vest.

But you stop, causing Faye to trip over her two feet “Wait! What about my bike?”

The red head steals your keys, unlocks your bike, and runs to her car carrying the bike over her head “We’re not going to Zombie Todd’s House of Sin on a fucking bicycle, Y/L/N!”

[dempseyregal]

Breakfast?

A/N: I know I have gone AWOL, but work has kept me busy till now. Also, I don't know what I'm doing but Charlie Dempsey is my new favourite.

Warnings: (18+) Minors - Big No!

............................................................

My body felt stiff and sore after last night's match against Thea, and my nerves were screaming for a cup of coffee.

Looking around, I saw no one was up yet, the guys were probably still sleeping or hit the gym early, I don't understand why Teoman would wake up at 5 to work out if he had all day...

I got to the kitchen and was thankful when I got to the kettle to see that my cup was already there just waiting to be filled. It meant that my boys were at the gym, and that they actually remembered about my coffee.

"Shh, Y/N is still sleeping! There's going to be hell if we wake her up." "Nonsense, Charlie. Just smile at her and all is forgiven, the two of you are so closely kn-" I turned to find a tired looking Charlie and Rohan coming through the kitchen door, eyes wide as Rohan swallowed his words.

"Good morning lads. Want a cup?" "Uh- yeah. That'll be great." Rohan sat down but Charlie excused himself to get a shower in. "Thanks for almost spilling our little secret Raja!" I hissed as he smiled while sipping on his tea, as drinking coffee so early in the morning made him sick. "You're welcome. Oh before I forget, his birthday present is in my room if you wanted to check it out." I jumped from my spot at the counter and ran to Rohan's room, now eager to see the gift.

"Hey, Rohan, you mind if I borrowed - Y/N. Sorry..." Charlie suddenly emerged in nothing but a towel around his waist, both our faces bright red. "No,no no. Everything's fine. Rohan is in the kitchen." I tried to squeeze past him but he blocked the door with his huge frame. "Come on Y/N, I need to talk to you." "Get dressed first." I chuckled at him, the curls falling into his face when he shook his head, a smile creeping on his face.

"Nah, I think you'll like the conversation more if I stayed like this. Come on, before Teoman and Rohan see." I turned to see the 2 of them conversating in the kitchen, Teoman's hair a complete mess stating that the German just woke up.

"What's so important Charlie?" I asked as we hurried to his room, he checking around him as he pushed me inside. "Nothing, you know... Just the normal secret sharing. What does Rohan know that I don't? He almost spilled something didn't he?" He came closer as he spoke to the point where we were inches away from each other, his eyes devilish.

"Uh, it's about your birthday. That's all." I lied, backing up to try and get to the door, Charlie's arm preventing me from escaping as he shut the door when I opened it. "Come on Y/N, tell me." He whispered from behind me, shivers tingling down my spine. My head was turning into a mess while my stomach had a warm funny feeling. He knows what I told Rohan, the idiot can't ever keep his mouth shut. "There's nothing else to tell Charlie." I simply stated, a sigh escaping his mouth when he grabbed my hips and swung me around. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss to my ear. "I don't believe you. One of two reasons being that you instantly started moaning when I kissed you."

Fuck Y/N, now you're screwed. "Fine, so what if I like you a little bit. Its nothing." I crossed my arms over my chest while leaning into the door away from his face. He smiled even wider, rubbing the slight stubble that was forming on his chin now. "Well, it matters to me. Especially since I asked the guys to give you as a birthday present." My eyes grew large as he grabbed onto my hips, pulling me into him, kissing down the sensitive skin on my neck. "Charlie..." A moan escaped my lips before I could prevent it, my hands travelling to his hair and neck. "See, I told you there was something else." The feeling in my stomach got heavier as he carried on leaving gentle kisses from my neck to my jaw and shoulders.

"We shouldn't be doing this." "Oh, but that's what makes it more fun, babe. The guys won't be able to touch you. You're mine now." I felt his hands grab my legs and hoist me up against the wall, the simple kisses on the neck turning to a full blown make out session. He tasted sweet on my tongue, the scent of his shampoo dangling in my nose as he moved back, carrying me to the bed.

"I told you, the conversation is going to be more fun naked." He whispered before disposing of his towel, working on my clothes. "Hey, Charlie. You okay in there?" Rohan's voice came from the other side of the door, a scoff escaping Charlie's mouth. "Yeah, perfectly fine." He shouted back as he looked back down at me.

I couldn't control myself, I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down into another kiss, wrapping my legs around his waist, Charlie moaning as I got to work on his neck. "Fuckkkkk... Y/N, we better make this quick if we're doing this. The idiots outside will start trying to get in." He pulled us up into a sitting position as he got rid of my pants and underwear, sitting me down on his lap.

"You sure about this?" I asked and he nodded, reaching for his bedside drawer, grabbing a condom while switching on the radio. This was the signal in the house to not disturb the one playing the music, normally when one brought their girlfriend to the house. "Tell me if it gets too much and I'll stop." I nodded as he pulled me into a kiss, lifting me up and putting me down onto him. I had to grab onto his shoulders as he filled me up, a slight sting as he started slowly moving back and fighting back a moan. "Faster." I panted after a while, the pain turning to pleasure. "Doll..." "Faster Charlie, please." My breathing was ragged as I tried to fasten the tempo, Charlie throwing me onto my back, moving faster as he did it. "You feel so good." He whispered as he kept going, kissing any skin he could get hold of.

"Charlie, I-I'm close." "Then go ahead and come for me." He worked faster, rubbing my sweet spot as I arched my back. My eyes turned inside out when the orgasm hit, his climax hitting soon afterwards. I tried to stabilize my breathing when he let go of me, moving to grab my clothes, but Charlie stopped me. "Relax. They already know, so you make yourself comfortable while I get you a drink and something to eat." He patted on the bed and held open the covers, my small figure soon engulfed in one of his shirts.

He appeared soon with breakfast and coffee, but I fell asleep before hand, waking up to him kissing my shoulders, hands rubbing my back. "Rohan is looking through the entire house for you, Teoman just told us to keep it still for now." I nodded as I sat up and started on my breakfast, Rohan suddenly barging through the door. "I can't find - Oh. Ohhhh..." His eyes grew wild and closed the door as he left quicker than he came in. "I guess that's public news now." Charlie just smiled laying down with his head on my legs, my hand playing with his hair as the other one held the piece of toast. "He'll be alright. Just forget about him." He said as he closed his eyes, rubbing my leg through the covers.

"Well, since breakfast is finished, care to join me?" I patted the spot next to me, Charlie moving lazily, grabbing my body closer as he got comfortable. He fell asleep soon after, my head coming to rest on his chest, his heartbeat lulling me to sleep.