#Dont Overthink It Youll Survive

[gaydryad]

ai la by the way. anticipate much pride art come the beginning of june >:3c with everyone (three friends) leaving snapchat I must now subject you, my tumblr followers, to my creations (drawings of Death in flagrantly bad color combos)

[rek1s-headband]

hi could i request something? basically just HCS about langa and reki when you guy get into a fight or sum idk LMFAOO, you dont have to do this if you dont want to tho <3

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy. I added a few characters, hope you don’t mind:)

➯ When you guys get into a fight

➯ Characters: Langa Hasegawa, Reki Kyan, Kaoru Sakurashiki, Kojiro Nanjou, Hiromi Higa and Miya Chinen x gn reader

➯ Warnings: angst if you squint, fluff

Langa:

Ok the majority of your fights are generally because of a miscommunication. If things aren’t spelled out for the poor boy, he’ll be completely oblivious to what’s bothering you

When you finally snap, he always seems shocked, asking why you hadn’t said anything sooner, even if you’d been trying to hint at it all week

Not really one to shout, but if things get heated enough he might snap. He always feels awful afterwards though. No matter what, he really believes no one should be screamed at because of something as silly as a disagreement

Rarely storms out, he’s always going to try and stay until the end to try and get something, anything out of you that he can use to try and understand your point of view

Understands space. He knows when you dont feel like talking to him, and he will give you that time to collect your thoughts. When you’re ready to speak again, he’s all ears

Gets overwhelmed really easy. It doesnt really show in what he says, but when you raise your voice his brain goes to putty and he can feel his breath get narrow. He’s not scared, he just doesn’t want to be the reason you’re feeling like this.

Never lets you go to bed angry. He’ll give you your space, but if you’re still quiet by bedtime he’s making sure you’ve eaten and you’re not still really upset by whatever played out that day

Overthinks a lot. How long did he not realise you were upset? What if its actually a much bigger deal than you’re letting on? What if you leave? Of course, he knows a lot of it is completely irrational, but it still lingers in the back of his mind, so you can imagine how relieved he is when the fight is over and you’re back in his arms

Asks people for advice a lot. Reki and Cherry are usual helpers, giving Langa their opinions on the matter without going into too much detail. The rest is up to him.

Gives the best hugs and comfort after a fight. He understands couples can fight, and never really takes the aggression let out by the pair of you too seriously. Rubbing the back of your head and holding you close to his chest, he’ll reassure you that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s not going to leave “just because of a silly fight” while you fight back tears on his shoulder.

Reki

Unlike Langa, Reki is a very open person in terms of his feelings, so your fights are rarely because of closed away emotions. However, many are caused by you feeling he is spending too much time in his workshop, overworking himself and not spending as much time with you as he should.

As for Reki, he gets mad when he feels you’re being closed off from him, not telling him things and hiding your true emotions. It’s not that he doesnt trust you, he just doesnt want you shouldering anything by yourself, and tries to make things easier for you by halving the problem.

A very emotional person, and this really shows when the two of you argue. There’s a lot of tears, a lot of raised voices, yknow those exhausted laughs when you’re tired of arguing with someone? Those. He pulls at his hair a lot in frustration too

Both of you need to walk away from each other a lot during arguments. You’re both driven by your emotions, so its hard to think logically once you’ve both gotten really upset.

The type to sit outside a door after an argument if you’ve locked yourself in a room, pressing against it and quietly talking to you, regardless of whether or not he gets a response

Understands space, to a certain extent. He’ll try and talk to you after an argument, try anything to get you to just answer him, to come out from your room, to stop ignoring him. He knows when you really don’t want to face him though, which is when he’ll go out for a while, either to Langa’s for advice, or just for a quiet skate.

Despite how upset he gets in the moment, he gets over it quickly. Once he’s out of his head and seeing properly, he’ll take some time to think it over and see things from your point of view. He’ll come back to you with an apology, and when you’re ready to talk, he’ll discuss things with you this time around instead of fighting

If the fight lasts overnight, he refuses to let you take the couch. If he feels a fight will last, he’ll glue himself to the couch, making it impossible for you to sleep anywhere other than your bed. No matter what the fight was about, he refuses to have you sleep uncomfortably.

Tends to cry after making up. It’s rarely out of sadness, of course, more relief than anything. He’s just happy to have you back in his arms, no longer ignoring him.

Cherry

A very rational person, fights are very rare between the pair of you. When you do fight, it tends to be because you feel he’s being closed off from you, not being as open and emotional with you. As for him, he doesnt like when you act too aloof about things that are actually serious to him

Fights start out quiet, talking in normal tones and using your heads. However, as the fight goes on, your voices gradually get higher and louder, arms thrown in the air as you get in each other’s faces.

He snaps quite a bit. Petty remarks, snappy replies and other unnecessary comments are thrown out without much thought as he gets more pissed off. Not necessarily because he doesn’t have anything to defend himself, but because once he’s started, he’ll do just about anything to piss you off

Depending on the fight, it could last an hour or a week. Both of you are so petty that you’ll refuse to apologise to the other, forgetting who was even in the wrong in the first place

Honestly, whoever goes to sleep first gets the bed, he’s not as considerate as Reki. However, as the fight goes on, the pair of you will stay up for ungodly hours into the night, trying to outlast the other because they dont want them sleeping on the couch. You’ll never admit that though, which is why you wont just fall asleep on the couch first. Besides, if you happen to fall asleep on the couch before Kaoru goes to bed, he’ll carry you upstairs and sleep on the couch himself. He’ll never admit that though, he’ll simply say you woke up and went upstairs in a hazy half-sleep, which is why you dont remember.

He’s definitely programmed Carla to apologise to you for him at least once, rolling her into the room you’re in before quickly walking out to the sound of “Y/N, I-am-very-sorry-and-I-was-wrong-please-forgive-me” in Carlas robotic voice

If you ever go to Joe’s restaurant to cool down, he’ll make a big fuss, swaying and sighing, dramatically shouting about “however will these lovers reconcile!?” Once his act is over though, he’ll comfort you and give you your favourite meal, tutting over the pair of you and thinking of ways to help you make up

Literally won’t let you go of you for at least a week after you fight. This mf is hanging off you, constant forehead kisses, the whole deal. He’s gone without your affection for a long time while you fought, he’s simply making up for lost time

Joe

You get really pissed at him when he flirts with other girls. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just a bit of a girl magnet and it’s his nature to entertain them. Of course, he all yours, but he forgets sometimes that jealousy is actually a thing

Doesnt take arguments as seriously as he probably should. He’s the type to tell you to “calm down” in the worst possible moment, its usually what makes you explode, actually.

Absolutely dense. The type to listen to you shout for five minutes, and only then have the audacity to ask you just what your problem was

It’s not his fault, bless him. He’s just a little unobservant when it comes to your emotions. When he realises you’re actually upset though, he’s apologising profusely and promising to never do it again

His apologies are always so genuine, you generally forgive him. However, if he does something that really pisses you off and you dont forgive him, he’ll give you space to think

Fights are usually resolved within a day. Like Langa, he refuses to let you go to bed angry

Cooks for you every meal regardless of whether or not you eat it. He’ll leave meals outside your door as a sort of truce, quietly pressing against the door and asking you to please come eat with him, that he hates the idea of you holed up in there all alone

Like Kaoru, he tends to reply with snarky remarks that have little to do with the argument, but they have a little less bite to them. More petty, if anything

Another big reason for why fights never last long is because this man literally. Will. Not. Survive. Without. You. You’ll be trying to ignore him while he comes in every five minutes, asking you how to get a certain channel on the TV, or stupid things you know he’s only asking because he misses talking to you

After you make up, he literally wont even look at another girl for at least a week. Mf will literally turn his head the other way if a girl comes near him, shouting about how he’s spoken for

Shadow

The biggest hothead. He says a lot of things he doesn’t mean in the moment, which will cause you to storm out and he’ll immediately regret it

The fight almost immediately escalates past hushed voices, swear words thrown around as you get in each other’s faces

He’ll get really upset, but he’ll mask it with being pissed off and angry, clashing pots around and acting like a literal baby. He doesnt want to admit it, but he always feels awful right after a fight. He knows youll need a bit of space after the intense shouting, so he’ll give you that space before even attempting an apology

Aggressively cares for you. Like he’ll say things like “I made food, it’ll taste like shit if you leave it, so I suggest you have it now” or “nope, I want the couch, I’m gonna watch something” he’ll never admit it, he just wants to make sure you’re alright even while fighting

If the two of you go to S while fighting, it’ll be very obvious. Usually you’re attached at the hip, but now you couldn’t be further apart. However, he’s still looking out for you, keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re alright. If you’re ever getting hit on by some creep, the fight is forgotten and he’s back at your side, daring the stranger to come any closer to you.

Reki is always the first to notice, poking him and pushing you over to him, trying to get the two of you to make up. Surprisingly, it actually does help clear the air

He can never stay mad at you for long though, he’s completely soft for you

Makes you bouquets to try and apologise. He’s taught you a lot about the meanings of flowers, so he’ll specifically pick ones with hidden meanings like “I’m sorry” or “I love you”

Not very good with verbal apologies. He knows when they’re needed though, and they are usually delivered through a series of grumbles and sad expressions. The thought is there though

Gives very gentle, long hugs after you make up. He’ll hold you close, suggesting a date or a movie to help the two of you relax

Miya

Literally the biggest bitch out of the six to fight with. He’s so petty, he will refuse to admit he’s wrong for the longest time. Once he’s in, there’s no accepting he’s not right

At least for a while anyway. He’ll start to feel bad once he sees just how upset you’re getting, frustrated with his inability to see anyone’s point of view but his own

King of the silent treatment. He’ll hide away behind his switch, drowning out his guilty thoughts with the white noise of animal crossing

He’ll skate to take his mind off things, practicing new tricks until he’s exhausted

Makes really snide remarks that have absolutely nothing to do with the argument. The type to bring up shit that happened 4 months ago just to help his case

Reki is usually the one to make him see sense, telling him just how petty he’s being, and that he cant get so defensive when he’s in the wrong. He knows this, obviously, he just can’t help it sometimes.

Although he’s not one for real apologies, he’ll slowly begin to stop ignoring you, bringing you small snacks or sending you funny things he saw on his phone. He’ll sit beside you, acting as if it was completely unintentional, but will slowly inch closer and closer until he’s curled up at your side, mumbling about how he wasn’t completely right after all

Will literally hit anyone who tries to comment on how the pair of you have made up, talking about how “its not even that big of a deal, just shut up”

Ad*m

Yall fought cause y’know. He’s ad*m

Sat outside your house with a speaker and an ugly ass sign. It started raining and his sign got ruined and his makeup ran

You broke up with him and he cried

Slipped in the rain while leaving <3

[flecks-of-stardust]

I Ramble About My Video Game Experiences. Please Don’t Kill Me

i am starkly aware i am swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest here but i need to get the thoughts out okay

anyway tldr this is me rating the video games that ive played and left a lasting impression on me. the scale is from 0 to 10, with 0 being ‘how did this game even get the funding to be produced’ and 10 being ‘this game is amazing and i cannot critique anything in it.’ so neither of those numbers are going to appear, but youll know what my rating mechanic is lmao. without further ado:

Hollow Knight

starting with the bug game that started this blog. probably a solid 9/10 or 8.5/10. yes im biased, shut up. hollow knight’s a really solid game in a lot of aspects: the lore is really well fleshed out and links up well, the gameplay is a delight, the progression is smooth and pretty friendly to players new to the genre (hi), and i like that you kind of have a parallel of the player choosing their own path in tandem with what the knight is doing. its a lovely experience, and how the lore is structured gives the fans Tons of avenues to explore, which is Great.

however. because i overthink everything, the little inconsistencies in lore do bother me (the light shafts?? in greenpath???? what is up with the dirt carvers and the carver hatchers. why do the devouts have scythes for masks. actually, why do deepnest things have masks. because as far as im aware deepnest isnt actually part of hallownest??), and i do wish we’d gotten a Little more confirmation about some lore, but that’s just me. my biggest issue is how deepnest is depicted; im not too happy about how it’s talked about. which, like. i might just be nitpicking, but im rather wary of anything that depicts an external civilization that is also described as ‘brutal’ or beastlike, and being otherwise uncivilized and/or primitive. there Is nuance here, it’s entirely possible a lot of the structures in deepnest broke down over time and the distant village is all that survived, but im still on guard when it comes to this. its no secret that i resent how hallownest/the mantises evidently treated the citizens of deepnest, so im aware im a little biased here as well. but yeah, thats my main issue here.

Bug Fables

the other bug game! 8/10. lovely story, great gameplay, stunning writing of the characters, very interesting premise. i definitely found the gameplay in bug fables a lot easier to pick up than that of hollow knight, but that’s kind of a given with how the combat is structured in bug fables. there’s a lot of complexity that i was not aware was going to be in a game that looks the way bug fables does, which i adore. i also Really like the meta details scattered throughout the game, but im just a sucker for those asdkfgkjs

i have similar complaints for bug fables as i do for hollow knight, but its even worse in bug fables. i resent the way the devs handled the leafbug tribe, and i do not understand the way the lore about them was set up. there was frankly no reason for them to ambush team maki and team snakemouth when yin was emerging from her pupa, and as a result that mission just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. the whole thing reeks of barely veiled racism and anti-indigenous sentiment. i really wish the devs had taken more of a ‘they dont understand what’s going on, particularly with the language barrier’ route instead of just. ooga booga fight these random bugs that showed up for no reason other than the fact theyre convenient antagonists. :/

the lore of bug fables is also a little... odd. it works out well enough, but when you poke at it a little too much it crumbles a little. mainly the timeline of things seems. off? but, whatever. that’s more nitpick territory. i still love the game (even if i highly distrust the devs)

Ori and the Blind Forest

my first platformer! blind forest holds a very special spot in my heart because of that. id never played anything like this before blind forest, and honestly im very glad this was my first platformer; it probably would have gone Really differently if it had been hollow knight instead lmfao. id pin this as 9/10, for all the lovely things about it: the smooth gameplay, the graphics, the story, and. fuck man. ori’s cute FDKGJSKJ for a game with limited dialogue, the story ties together really well, and the lore doesn’t have many loose ends that i can think of. the concept of the spirit tree is really interesting too.

the major thing id complain about would be the combat, something i think basically everyone has bitched about at this point. you wanna fight something? button mash until your finger falls off. and then sein kinda zaps whatever it is. thats it. you can also attack with stomp and i think charge dash, but you dont get stomp until pretty far in and charge dash is... clunky. dash isnt even a required ability. blind forest does focus heavily on platforming though, so i cant complain too hard. i also have to specially mention sorrow’s pass, because wow i fucking Hated that area! i died so many times!!!!! playing on keyboard in sorrow’s pass Sucks! but the love i have for the ginso tree escape sequence makes up for it sfkjgjks

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

i was reluctant to start will of the wisps after blind forest but holy Fuck am i glad i did. its... i have to say its a better game than blind forest in a lot of ways. moon studios really improved on a Ton of things that blind forest lacked in. id probably pin this as 9/10 as well, but i have to rave about the combat. i mean at least compared to blind forest, the combat is an absolute fucking Delight. slashing with spirit edge really feels like you have a sword, and the heft that spirit smash has when ori swings it is just,,,,,, mwah. so good. and those are just the two weapons im most fond of; the spike, while not the best in terms of energy cost, is really fucking cool as well.

special mention to the various glitches people have discovered for this game >:3 or more like exploits, its not all glitches (though there was a whole thing people dedicated to glitches a while back and it was Amazing. wotw is horribly easy to glitch and its Hilarious), and sentry jump is more of an exploit. like who needs launch when you can sentry jump?? you get more height than launch too in some cases i think, and you can get it Really early on. hell yeah. ori go YEET

its 9/10 because of a few gripes i have with the story. i do wish that shriek had gotten a happier ending; i do understand the message that was woven into the story, but still. baur paints it as like... he almost says its impossible for her to change? which. bleh. that’s not true, and its a little icky with the background i have. id have loved to be able to show shriek the love and care she so clearly craved, even if she outright rejected it. i dont think stopping seir from fucking blasting her into cooked owl counts, really, though i guess that could be argued about.

the other gripe is ku’s wing. i cannot find the words to describe the sheer delight i felt at the clear depiction of ku as disabled. her wing is busted, and she can’t fly. and she wants to, so so desperately, but she can’t. that sort of narrative is,,, disgustingly rare? and i was so excited about it. but then in the end they had ori do a magic tada! wing fixed! on her and :| i just wish it had been something like. ku learning to accept that loss, while also working to find some sort of accommodation that would allow her to fly for short periods. i mean if the feather worked well enough to let them fly to niwen then damn, im sure gumo could figure something out with a leaf or some shit. but no, just. magic away the disability. :/

i still adore the game though. the story that will of the wisps tells is a little cemented in, and the gameplay is pretty linear (though a little less so than that of blind forest). so i guess these two things wouldnt have fit in too well, but idk. i just wish, yknow.

Oriverse (both games as a whole)

not gonna say much here, but i did want to put this in. still 9/10 for the franchise in its entirety. there Is the weird,, protag gets amnesia and loses all their abilities that sequels to games like these have, but eh. its fine. ori just got a concussion /s the story connects pretty well across the two games, even if the worldbuilding is pretty different. the deal with seir is a liiiiiittle odd, but it works well enough. the graphics are just,,,,, holy god will of the wisps is so beautiful. but blind forest isnt far behind!

just. idk. i love this franchise so much. and its my first ever, so im biased. i highly recommend playing them both, but uh. wotw might fry your computer if its not strong enough. the graphics are just that powerful asfkjdgkjkjs

Rain World

this is where im probably gonna have people breathing down my neck but. 7/10. and i have very specific reasons why.

gameplay wise? wonderful! rain world really drives home that feeling of being hunted and being small and weak and defenseless. it advertised that and it fucking delivered it, and its great. theres also a lot of complexity to what you can actually do in the game; turtle toad’s videos have me in constant awe and slight fear. the design for slugcat is pretty unique, and honestly i really love that we’re canonically crawling through pipes. it adds a lot of realism and i guess staying power to the world, which is already fascinating and nicely fleshed out. the combat is very interesting too tbh. lots you can do with just a rock and a spear. its just... it sure is a survival sim. it sure fucking is, and i love it for that

however i have Big issues with the way the difficulties are structured. im not gonna comment on hunter, especially since ive never even finished hunter, but i will complain endlessly about monk. it’s supposed to be the easy mode, and its definitely much more of a breeze than survivor. but i resent that the lore pearls get their data wiped. the canonical explanation for that is that too much time has passed between survivor and monk for the data to remain, but then couldnt the same be said of hunter and survivor? unless those two did their journeys back to back, which i kind of doubt considering how much more aggressive the creatures in hunter are. it just feels like theyre punishing people for playing on easy, and im not a fan of that.

theres a smattering of other things too. the map is. weird. and kind of difficult to use. also i dislike the bare bones of a tutorial the game gives you (seriously, why are you not told how to switch items from hand to hand or how to use the stomach pouch? i dont understand the reasoning for leaving those to be discovered on your own), but i guess you could argue that it adds to the survival simulator experience, idk. my biggest issue would probably be the lore, actually. this is me nitpicking about writing, but the progression of the story confuses me. you’re presented with a world that is not built for you, and youre just surviving the best you can as a little animal. youre told repeatedly, through the gameplay, that you are not the protagonist. you are barely even a speck of dust in their story. you are irrelevant in every way, and yet. you make your way into five pebbles’ chamber, and he tells you in no uncertain terms to do what he cant: find the void sea and leave this world, with its endless cycles of death and rebirth. and its like. im just. im just an animal. why are you angsting at me?? and now the story takes a weird left turn where youre now suddenly relevant, and its your goal now to find the void sea? like what happened to ‘this world is not built for you?’ and idk its just weird to me. it works well enough, its just. five pebbles you are talking to the equivalent of a rat. what the fuck, dude.

i cant rate rain world Too harshly though, even if theres a bunch of things that i hate about it (cough the part of the community that insists that people just need to ~get good~ at the game. disabled people exist, fuck you <3). its still a lovely game and a very unique experience, its just definitely not for everyone. im glad i got to experience it, anyhow. i just have beef with certain things askdjfgkjs

Celeste

this GAME. MAN. this girl is so plural and trans, you have no idea. 9.5/10, i adore it. im sure others have raved about the accessibility of this game already, but i am So so grateful the devs added it, holy shit. this is honestly what i hope all games have? sure, im not playing the game as the devs intended, and they warn us of that on the assist mode screen. i just really like the agency that we as players are given to adjust the gameplay. so what if i slap invincibility mode on and just play it for the story? is that a bad thing? and also i will say that being given the ability to do that makes me Way way more likely to go back and play the game as intended. what’s easy for other people could be what’s difficult for me, and vice versa, and being able to set the difficulty level gives me way more room to practice and get better. hollow knight kind of does it similarly, with how it teaches you the combat, but its more of an indirect ‘pick your own difficulty’ sort of game. celeste is just... its your choice, in its entirety. and it is so liberating.

and then theres the story, which is Amazing. i got the game for the story only, tbh, and i dont regret it. the depiction of madeline’s anxiety is really nice tbh, and it was all handled really well, particularly with the character development of both madeline and badeline (also again: plural!!!!! holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!) i know this story was written at least partially from personal experience though, i think? which just makes me appreciate it more honestly, and im glad that people are making this sort of media. im driven by very similar things with my own creations, and its nice to see others getting this sort of success with their work.

theres no real gripe i have with the game tbh. just minorly complaining that its really difficult without assist mode, but like. honestly that’s not really a bad thing, i just suck at platforming LMAO. it Has been a while since ive played through the game though, so idk. celeste is just so good

in any case, highly recommend!!! celeste my beloved <3

Oxygen Not Included

and last but not least, oni, the game that ive sold my soul to at this point. oh shit im nearly at 420 hours NICE

but thats 400+ hours ive sunk into this game, and im never getting them back. and im planning to put More in. it scratches so many of the itches i have: its a very science based game, very logic based one, i get to oversee a little colony of fucking idiots that KEEP TRYING TO FENCE THEIR HEADS INTO BLOCKS, but i love them so its. okay. i guess. and i also get to decorate and design and Create. it keeps me on my toes, but its never always in my face, and its like. infinitely replayable? which is So Good. im a sucker for anything cute, but this is cute and sciency and lets me have free reign over what to do. i love it. i love it So Much

theres honestly nothing i can find to critique it on. i havent even found all the lore yet, which is Wild. theres always stuff to do in this game and probably the only complaint id have is my own damn fault anyway? like if i launch the game and start playing im going to be there for at Least three hours. guaranteed. it just sucks me in so hard sfkghjks

i will say that its probably not for everyone? im just a nerd and i love games like oni, but its by no means an easy game. its a really fucking difficult one, actually, and ive had to look up so many tutorials to even get to where i am now with my abilities. the designs people come up with to do all sorts of shit are amazing, and when i finally figure out how to make my own im gonna feel really accomplished :)

10/10. i honestly cant shit talk anything about this game. it has my entire heart, please check it out askdjfgjkjk

tldr ive spent so much time on video games, oh my god. please someone play these as well so i can scream about them with you

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Perks of hitting rock bottom

Technically can't do worse, you're either completely stagnant or shit gets better one way or another

Less afraid of harm, disownment, isolation, or embarrassment if that was always a potential with any single thing you did in life

Leaving your house while ugly and seeing things like flowers, a sunset, or even a nice long bus ride while exploring things in your town... ten times as amazing than laying in bed, ready to kill yourself.

Hell, if youre so afraid of getting beaten or yelled at, then might as well have it happen over something amazing like leaving the house for a dope party or by finally doing that thing you wanted, instead of over something as dumb as saying "no thank you" to something they offered to you in the wrong type of voice, or over a discarded wrapper, and some shit like that

Legitimately, seriously. That time i left the house for three days and didnt come back? Ten times as peaceful as shit stained walls and the inevitable silent treatment and threats given. Like hell, life happens.

Nobody cares about your life or if you are alive? Cool. Shave your head. Get cardi b length nails and go natural. Dress like Rico Nasty and tell dirty jokes as much as youd fucking like. Who cares? Go ahead. Love yourself. No one else will, and they will hate you whether you do good or you somehow fuck yourself up. Either way; youll be seen as a fuck up. So fuck up in a cool way, by eating healthy and doing cool things every single day. Not by dying, not quite yet. If youre gonna kill yourself, just kill the version of yourself that you loathe by doing every step to improve your life. Hate your body and family? Eat healthy, drink water, and absolutely gray rock those fuckers. I love you. So much.

I started my instagram and YouTube for the sake of "people may relate to this", and less "people might hate me for this".... Hell, I was gonna do morbid shit to myself anyways, so like; i guess making a channel where people can relate to my problems is MUCH better than any other options i had there. Plus, portfolio building!

Make that song. Even if you sound like shit and your phone is poor quality. Write those lyrics. Yell at that sibling. Say you like that person's hair. Live your life. Fuck it!

Even if youre openly suicidal, guess what? Thats okay. Thatll change soon. Just fuck it. Hell, a year ago, I didn't have a shower or bath tub, my house was in shambles, family was at peak assholeness, grades were shit, and everyone i knew from school was a cunt.

So... change your life.

I had to do a lot back then to barely get out okay, and it worked out so far. Dating a toxic ex and pulling a "i might lose my virginity to you if i can hang at ur house sometimes", just for him to never get past my hymen and i successfully shower and eat at his place? Definitely a low point, but its what had to happen to retain slim shreds of sanity. And eventually, I did a lot of things solely since I lacked the care. Met with internet peeps! Tried out new clubs! Had a bunch of lame relationships that haunt me to this day from how terrible they ended opportunities come to play!

Then shit evolved.

And well, i dont know how, but i survived that.

Just barely.

Now its 2019, and here i am.... alive and stuff.

Thats cool as fuck. Hell yeah. Im awesome as hell. Everything else just definitely was not at that point in fucking time.

Anyways.

Rock bottom is a curse, but like, it made me stop overthinking or caring in the slightest. I loved too hard, gave too many chances, held back too many words. And now? I'll tell someone theyre a dickhead without hesitation. I'll apply for that job even if it seems not possible. I'll ask out a person and not care how that harms me. Make the jokes, smile, buy that thing, aspire for more....

Just live your life.

Die like a star, burning bright and beautiful, instead of living like dust in the breeze that passes around plainly with absolutely no control or rational self perspective.

Just yeah.

Peace fams.

[mc-jarhead]

I asked you once.. while you were asleep.. will you still love me tomorrow? In your hesitation i found my answer. But when you woke, you answered me again yet with an “i love you” instead. There, i found out that questions should only be asked to the conscious and not the unconscious. Because who are we kidding, we’ll only break our own hearts if we lived asking unconscious beings for their truths in conscious lives. I remember a thing you told me, it was “I’ll love you to the moon and back”. Though i am in the stars, that wasnt enough for me. So i steadily search for a love thatll find me in the constellations where i reside. Beyond overthinking and doubt. Amongst overwhelming love and incredible thoughts. This is the part where i could say i miss you but perhaps its also the part where i say i missed you. As in, i mustve overshot my target and landed somewhere i didnt think to land. Someday i shall know which is which. But for now ill keep it a secret. Between me and the reader. If i did miss you, id start from the beginning and tell you how much of my life you have missed out on. And then id get a bit furious because you missed out on so much that i wouldnt know whether to enjoy the moment we have now or to throw it all away. The way youve thrown away all the years we couldve spent together instead of apart. And if i missed and overshot you, then id say look how far we’ve come. After all that, we somehow survived to make it this far. But wait. There’s so much more ahead. Do you not think so far ahead? If you were asleep id ask you, what will love bring to me tomorrow? Because i know unconscious beings give great advice right before theyre conscious. If youre still lost right now. Then you musnt worry. Only fools know their path right to each and every detail. Its the people with the greatest minds that enjoy walking down a path of the unknown adventure. Thats how discoveries are made. By now, you must have concluded that im talking about dreamers and lovers. If youre one of the lucky ones to have met both in one person then id tell you to hold onto them as loosely as possible. Not tightly, because you cannot hold onto water tightly and expect to drink from it when you’re thirsty. You must give it a space to flourish so that more of it can come your way if it chooses to. Be kind, for water has memory. Itll shape the way you treat it so please be kind to it. I held onto a love and a dreamer tightly. So tight that i went mad every time it tried to free itsef loose from my grip. There i found my fault.. i should have known i was loving wrong but i couldnt bear to think of losing it. I had to keep it and keep it close to me at all times. If not then i felt as if it were being lost. But it was all driving me crazy. Crazy to the point of sanity. And in sanity i found love again. Though it wasnt mine anymore. It was an abundance of love and everyone had their choice to it. Ramblings of a lost lover.. youll be alive far longer than your soul will be on this earth if you fall in love with a writer.. She said to me that i was a writer but i was just spilling out every thought i had of her which i had not ever had before. Im not the modt educated person alive but when it comes to love i know its real when you start doing things youve never done before for a person you barely know. Barely know..... because how could you catch up on 30 years of life lived in those few moments you meet a person? Youd have to spend another 30 years just trying to catch up. So please my dear darlin’... dont be a fool. Enjoy the unknown adventure.. for who knows, we just might meet again. When?