#especially not at the start of my cycle

[dinosaurcharcuterie]

I've not knitted much in public in Germany while living here for +10 years. Turns out, people have Thoughts and Opinions. Occasionally, from grannies, just like Norwegian grannies, about how "you are making those stitches incorrectly", usually followed by them yanking my knitting towards them to show me where it looks wrong and then a baffled "how on earth are you making them that EVEN?". But, usually, they're nice ones.

Today, I got questions and compliments and positivity showered upon me at both bus rides. Which would have been nice if the first one didn't almost make me miss my bus and the second one was because an old lady shamed me off my seat to... the more accessible, free seats... While I was struggling not to vomit from cramps.

Second lady thought I was being too self conscious and just complimented harder in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

[skeletoninthemelonland]

"The Exocannis Ressurection"

[aphel1on]

not sure how to phrase this but something i have been ruminating on recently is that xue yang is strangely fragile. obviously he is also incredibly resilient. he survived, and continues to survive, impossible things. he has a million barriers between himself and the world, but none of this actually matters when it comes to what he feels. everything is personal to him. everything pierces straight through all that armor and goes right to his battered heart, the heart that no one else believes he has. that even he is not fully cognizant of. the world strikes and strikes and strikes and so he strikes and strikes and strikes back, even (especially) when the wound is something other people would not think worthy of retribution.

xue yang would never realize this- would be outraged at the concept of it- but the way everything, everything is something to rally a defense against is in itself a form of fragility. he does not know how to let go of things, or let them pass him by. passivity is death. so he is ruthlessly cruel and violent. he projects himself as a lunatic untouchable by anything you might possibly do to him, and on some level he even believes this. but in actuality he is one raw emotional wound. he never learned to separate himself from his emotions, much less process them. the volatility is not so much insanity as it is the constant lashing out of an animal in a trap, and the trap is the world, and the trap is himself, and he is never going to get out. and like so much else, this pain is just part of the background radiation of his life. it hardly registers. to be able to register the hurt, you would have to be able to register a time in which you were not hurt.

i feel like it is a fragility that could blossom into such tenderness, given exactly the right set of circumstances. how at the very first touch of softness in his life he fell into a domesticity from which he never recovered. how much was there, still, to be salvaged from the cruelty. on some level i am always thinking about the little apple bunnies. about the meal for daozhang and the straw in a-qing's bed.

it was too little, too late. it shattered like glass when the world intruded back in. but the tenderness was there. no one, least of all xue yang, knows what might have happened had it been unearthed in him any sooner.

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[bobbyfloyd]

nothing like a 12 am spiral over religious trauma lol

[aroacee-of-spades]

^ face of someone (me) who just finished the arcane finale

[ultimateloserboy]

(animal abuse tw!!!)

hyperfix hell is something else but especially insane for characters like red and duck who are just suddenly really terrible out of nowhere. like its been a while since ive seen electricity (cuz its one of the episodes that gets me feeling too much) but i somehow gaslit myself into believing i made up the part of them drowning their cat. i thought i was filling in blanks with my memory but NO duck outright BRAGS about explicitly drowning their “boring” pet.

I knew they killed their cat 100% but i guess im so deep into my own head and been in the fandom for so long i thought i made a chunk of it up somehow 😭???

its still very crazy to me, its probably the cruelest thing i think theyve done proudly. and the worst part is that its NOT their bigger counterparts, its just THEM. base level THEM. THAT is who they are. maybe my brain tried to suppress that cuz its the only time in the series where i DEEPLY disagree about what theyve done. the rest of their cruelty upsets me, but this just disgusts me i guess. not only because of the animal but because they picked a slow and painful method. Every other instance of gore or general shittyness from those two i either laugh at or maybe get a little angry at them for a second like im their mom and move on. but this disturbs me. its genuinely evil to me and i hate the thought of it. the bigger boys torturing that blob thing is terrible, but theyre not the base-level guys, they act strange and disturbing intentionally. the guys on the lowest floor are just THEM. Them without any filters or add ons, thats literally just THE boys. I guess i still cant wrap my head around it even years later.

ten minutes later theyre confessing to each other… like… do they not remember anymore? was it that quick? or have they learned by now that their actions have no real consequences?

thats the thing that makes this the most uncomfortable to me, i think. theyre the way they are because anything can happen to them, and they can do anything to others, and they know they wont get any repercussions. Drowning a pet, crashing a car through your house, literally dying, getting your organs removed… none of it lasts. and they KNOW that now. but instead of being scared or freaking out like fanon always saw it, they see it as not only normal, but as an opportunity to do whatever they want. i dont think theyre aware of it enough to be articulately malicious with it, but thats whats terrifying. they NATURALLY have absolutely zero remorse and you cant expect them to. why would they? nothing really happened, did it? even when they remember doing it, whys it matter? clearly they can just change their mind, or wait it out. If death isnt for them, theyll just decide to come back. do actions mean anything in a world like that?

[dykedvonte]

If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.

[broken-clover]

Living in a red area of a blue state is fucking bizarre because legally there's all kinds of anti-discrimination policies and you can listen to locally-run radio stations from just a few towns away about queer pride and social issues and everyone puts on this nice veneer about being progressive but every local newspaper constantly leads with headlines about how immigrants invented crime and the LGBTQ's are ruining American society, every third house across my town is advocating for politicians that think I should be dead and I've seen about five different people wearing iron crosses in the past couple of weeks

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

i csnt think about my childhood too long or else i get old testament angry

[hibernating-stag]

Good morning I'm up thinking about that forbidden beast again

[scootatwoni]

The strongest warriors are those that love botw but don't ship zelink (me its me I'm the strongest warrior)

[dare-g]

I told myself that I would do some art that wasn't for whichever cartoon I've been watching but then I saw a funny frame of animation and drew a cross stitch pattern for it anyway

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i found this lore entry recently and have not stopped thinking about it since. it is HYSTERICALLY funny to me that fandaniel's villain origin story was just being a fuckin boomer

One of few great minds in a land that had seen the slow, yet steady numbing of its people's intelligence, Amon long lamented the sorry state of Allag , concentrating his early scientific efforts on developing medicines to increase mental capacity . He soon realized that it was not knowledge that the Allagans lacked. If anything, they had too much. What his people lacked was a leader. With a renewed sense of focus, Amon shifted his studies to the field of vivimancy, and soon was conducting experiments on his own flesh in order to attain his final goal - the resurrection of Xande the First.

— Encylopaedia Eorzea Volume I, p. 25

[cuteniarose]

Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”

(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)

[minty-bunni]

I can't find the right words to explain it right now, but I honestly think that Astarion would calm down about his hunger for power if given time in a safe and supportive environment.

He specifically references never having to fear Cazador (or anyone if he ascends) again when it gets to the point where he decides on whether to stay a spawn or not and that sort of feeling and behavior isn't exactly uncommon among abuse victims? If given a chance to actually realize he is safe, that Cazador is gone, and that no one will be Cazador version 2.0, those thoughts would likely lessen. Maybe not totally go away, but he probably wouldn't actually consider sacrificing 7000 souls to ensure his safety.

He is upset, not in a good mental state, and still learning that people care for him and that he will never have to go through Cazador's torture ever again. He wants power over people like Cazador had power over him in order to make sure no one could (or would even try to) force him back into the hell he just escaped from.

And this is just one of the reasons I think he is good representation. He shows some of the ugly of recovering from an abusive situation that some victims experience.