#especially comparing it to my own attempts to take up space that feel like some weird torture

[saturniere]

random thought but

as someone who had terrible people-pleasing tendencies for the entirety of their life and who only recently has begun their ‘villain era’ by finally listening to themselves, not others, i find it weirdly helpful to have lucio as my main interest right now — a character whose own desires and needs are his top priorities and who doesn’t hesitate to express it and to act accordingly, ever. it is some heavy egocentrism in his case and it does lead to many disastrous consequences until he knows better hsjhsjk but still, the thought gives me comfort and somehow reminds me to put my needs and feelings above others’ expectations of me, motivating me to speak up for myself more, to be my own advocate

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

Could I request a House fic with the general prompt being a Doctor/Patient pairing? Like House is attracted to (reader) patient. Your choice of fluff or smut

So sorry it's late but this is my first House fic so I wanted it to be good! Hope you like it!

********************************************************************

Dying's Easy

House x reader

description - you don't want to do the surgery and House is determined to change your mind.

word count - 781

warnings - talks of death, illness, terminal illness, hospitals, surgery, being put under.

a/n - my first House pairing fic so let me know what you think!

Masterlist

REQUESTS OPEN - request here

Your whole body ached and felt like your blood had been drained and replaced twice over. You tried to curl up onto your side, in search of the comfort you received from such a childlike pose. But the wires and your fragile bones screamed for you to stop. You fell back onto the bed as tears of frustration poured down your cheeks.

A knock from a distinctly wooden object halted your crying. Upon seeing the face of your doctor you quickly wiped away your tears. But he had already seen.

He limped forward and place a chocolate pudding cup and spoon in the space between your hands. Before moving away he squeezed one of your bony hands, a little part of him sunk at the feel of your fragility.

“I got you a present.�� He gestured to the dessert with his cane.

You looked at him suspiciously. “They’re free for patients.”

“I never said I paid for the present. Does our love mean so little that you must attach monetary value to it.” He dramatically placed his hand to his heart in faux hurt.

You giggled. “Thank you.” He smiled at the flicker of joy but his frown returned when he saw your hands uselessly attempt to open the cup in spite of their shaking. He rose and took the cup and opened it for you.

You gave him the sweetest smile you could muster but sunk down in the realisation of your inability to complete the task.

He went back and dragged his chair closer to your bed as you slowly tucked in to the delicious treat. Only taking small bites.

You had come to enjoy the frequent visits with your doctor. It seemed he only needed to be with you to soothe his own worries which you saw furrowed on his face. His team had often remarked how unusual his behaviour was, comparing him to manic genius with no sense of empathy. You found their quips funny especially because of how anachronistic they were to the man who helped you fix your pillows any time you so much as squirmed.

“I heard you’re refusing the surgery.” You halted your eating, your face fell. Of course it was this.

“I just don’t want to.”

“You realise you aren’t choosing between some cosmetic alteration, this is the choice between living and dying.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to live.”

“That’s ridiculous everyone wants to live.” He rolled his eyes.

“Living’s tiring.” Your voice became childlike in your admittance. This shocked him as his focus was no solely on you. “I’m tired, Greg.” Your words shook and were on the precipice of falling. He took your shaking hand in his and they lay linked on your bed.

“I know.” He cooed. “I know I’ve been wrong before, but I know I’m right about this. I won for you, now just let me fight it. For you.”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to look into his eyes, afraid you’d crumble.

“Being alive is the worst.” You giggled at his dark quip. “But dying is the easy way out.” He used a finger to gently poke your cheek as you tried to contain your smile. “And I never took you for a coward.”

He sat there with you for a full hour. You dropped in and out of sleep but he couldn’t bring himself to let go of your hand.

Eventually Cameron came to prep you for surgery. House still did not let go.

You lay on the table and the surgeons bustled around you, the anaesthetist approached with the gas. House stood next your head and softly stroked your eyelids to offer some comfort.

“Just one thing.” You managed out. “If I don’t wake up, there’s something I’d regret not doing. Can you kiss me?”

House was stunned for a moment and looked around at the surgeons managing one ear on  the interesting turn of events. He carefully leaned down and planted the softest kiss onto your cracked dry lips. As soon as you connected he felt the stress leave your body and you welcomed whatever was to come. The gas mask was placed over your nose and mouth.

“See you in a bit.” House teased.

********************************************************************

Your heavy lids fought open and your blurry vision focused on the outline of your hospital room. Despite the post surgey pain, you could sense that everything else was gone. You were going to be okay. You strained your neck to turn to the side where your eyes landed on House, who’s bedraggled clothes indicated where he had slept waiting for you.

“Welcome back.”

You reached out a weak arm and cupped his cheek.

“Thank you.”

[incense-and-nonsense]

Finished watching Arcane last night and I have some thoughts about Ambessa Medara that I need to get out of my system.

What I find fascinating about Ambessa as a character is the fanbase's reception of her: she's a big muscle mommy with a hidden soft side. However, I don't think the show's writers want us to like her and especially don't intend to portray her as an attractive person. The reason I think this is because (aside from her gender) she's a textbook example of a toxic, hypermasculine, alpha-male power fantasy.

Let's elaborate. Only a few minutes after we're introduced to her (having invited herself into her estranged daughter's world in a display of Emotionally-Healthy Parenting TM), she announces that she's off to "sample the local cuisine," gesturing towards a male consort/companion who awaits her.

And then there's this scene:

Here we are shown Ambessa naked in a bath being massaged by the same comparatively small companion we met earlier. The power dynamic in the relationship is clearly one of domination and submission. She's indulgent in her consumption and luxury and lobs criticism after criticism at a visibly uncomfortable Jayce, all while the artwork behind the two reinforces how this exchange will play out: Ambessa holds all the power, while Jayce is on the defensive.

In short, everything about the way Ambessa talks and carries herself is meant to convey one simple message: I am powerful. She never needs to insist on her power--it's self-evident.

On the surface, this seems like an extremely well-written feminist icon. Ambessa is strong and confident, bending to no-one and self-assured. In flashbacks and in her own dialogue, she's presented as someone who is willing to take ruthless and decisive action regardless of other's feelings. She exudes confidence and charisma and never apologizes for the space she takes up in other's lives. Other people exist largely to fulfill her goals and desires. Further, later she reveals that she exiled her daughter Mel because her daughter's more merciful and diplomatic nature weakened Ambessa and her resolve.

In short, Ambessa is the textbook icon of hypermasculine power fantasies enfleshed in a woman.

Thing is though, these traits don't become less toxic when they happen to belong to a woman. Imagine the two scenes above if the character's genders were swapped. Then what we see is a confident, muscled warmonger who establishes his place in the social hierarchy through displays of sexual dominance and belittling those around him. Imagine Caitlyn attempting to discuss the situation in Piltover as a nude, muscled man insults her competence and strides naked over to her in a clear display of power. That's not a character we celebrate; it's a character who makes us feel violated by their very presence. Moreover, it's a character we've all probably seen before a hundred times.

Toxic behavior doesn't stop being toxic when done by a woman instead of a man.

Ambessa is not intended to be a likable character. She manipulates and dehumanizes others (especially sexually), refuses to show mercy, and pushes away those closest to her out of her fear of weakness. She's not an icon of female empowerment. Her character is a commentary on how easy it is to think that feminism means adopting the toxic ways in which men have often exercised power over others. Dehumanization and exploitation aren't behaviors that we should celebrate just because they make a women look strong. Rather, we should re-evaluate what we think strength looks like.

[rinski]

SH2R Review

I don't usually do this, but we live in extraordinary times and I have Opinions.

So here is my review of the new Silent Hill 2 Remake. (tl;dr: when it's not bad it's... good? kinda?)

If you go into this game holding up the original and looking for all the ways the remake falls short, like that Bobvids reaction video, you will have no shortage of material to work with. The remake is inconsistent and I legitimately do not understand what they were attempting to achieve with some of the changes they made. This game is incredibly easy to make into something profoundly disappointing if that’s what you want to do. Like Bobvids points out, almost all of the most iconic or emotionally-powerful scenes from the original were fumbled. Not like “they tried to do something different and it didn’t quite work,” no no, no: They were fumbled. They dropped the ball and it shattered like glass upon impact. It's ironic: The game has what it calls "Glimpses of the Past," which are little shrines to iconic scenes and objects from the original game, with their own bespoke camera angle and a little jingle, but then they somehow manage to fail at preserving the scenes people care about most.

If you're reading this, we have both probably been passionate about this game and franchise for a huge chunk (if not the majority) of our lives on this dumb planet, and seeing someone botch something we’ve managed to hold precious for so long can be very painful to watch. 

But there’s also a lot to legitimately like about this game that using that lens will obfuscate. And I’m generally of the mind that we should try to scavenge for whatever joy we can find, wherever and whenever we can, because the world fucking sucks in general. And besides, it’s not like we haven’t had to endure other SH games over the years that ran the gamut from “aggressively mid” to “well at least it’s funny in a bad b-movie kinda way.” I think the best way to enjoy this game is to go in with the assumption that basically everything you care deeply about is going to be butchered in some way, so that you won't be hyper-focusing on those mistakes when the game actually manages to do something good. By all means jeer and throw popcorn at the screen whenever they mess something up—that's a lot of fun too!—but don't let the bad completely shadow the good, especially if it's only bumming you out.

To be clear: I'm not arguing that anyone should buy the game. Other people already have, and their playthroughs are free to watch.

The game is overly long, which leads to some pacing problems. They fill up some of the extra space with places and story beats that feel on point, but a lot of it is filler with only the faintest, somewhat-sour Silent Hill flavor. They do some interesting new things with the combat and enemy AI, but that also gets old quickly because combat is more mandatory, more frequent, and there's only like 3 different enemies in total.

The characters are all different enough that I think comparing them to the originals is just going to make everyone sad. I do not love most of the new takes on the characters. But I also do not hate most of them. At times, they’re even surprisingly good. 

I like the new James most of the time. He's different, sure, but he feels more like a pathetic worm man hiding behind a facade that he's only barely able to maintain. His voice cracks with exertion and desperation as he kicks downed enemies, and after he hears a spooky noise he asks a wavering, "hello?" There are times where his facial acting is incredibly well done and there are times where he basically doesn't react at all, like his "k bye" exit from Angela's final scene that's worse than if they'd just teleported you to the next room with no transition.

The first two Eddie encounters made me roll my eyes, because he feels like a caricature of the original. They made him look and act a lot grosser in the remake, like they imported the original into a character creator and pushed all the middle sliders to one extreme or another. But despite nothing about his design or initial characterization saying “this was made by someone who appreciates subtlety and nuance” he still managed to have some legitimately subtle and nuanced character moments that are their own thing, separate from the original version. When James asks him, "You're gonna go out there alone?" and he gives that slight smile and a distant, barely audible "yeh"? That's good shit.

I think my hottest take is that the new Angela is Good, Actually. I love the original Angela. I think she was perfect. This is not her. Trying to draw any comparisons between the two is a shortcut to feeling depressed and disappointed. There are several interactions with her that actually hewed too close to the original version, which didn’t work *specifically* due to these changes. And her finale is nowhere near as good. Despite all that, I like the new take. She stands on her own as a different (but obviously similar) character. I like her new VA, I like her new scenes, and the new Abstract Daddy boss fight is, I think, the absolute highest point the remake manages to hit. 

Maria is the one character where I legitimately don’t understand what they were going for. Even putting the original aside and letting the new Maria be her own thing… what… *is* that thing, exactly? To start, she’s barely in the game at all—she's absent during many of the scenes she was present for in the original. When she does interact with James, she’s so inconsistent that I can’t get a sense of what they intended her character to be. Hot, cold, charming, socially awkward—in any case it definitely doesn’t seem like they intended her to be “the Mary James fantasized about,” so then… what *is* she? James and new Maria’s overall vibe is “people who only barely tolerate each other because they have a shared friend group." In fact, one of the better interactions between Maria and James is the lead ring scene, where instead of being flirtatious, James dejectedly accepts the ring with a flat, “Oh… thanks...” like she just spat in his hand. So ok fine, they don't like each other this time around. But in the finale she still claims to be able to provide James with everything Mary couldn't, which... no? I don't get what she's attempting to provide, but whatever it is, James certainly doesn't seem into it.

Overall, the environments and music were amazing and on-point, but there were also times where neither was true. The non-otherworld hospital in particular struck me as generic to the point where I’d believe it was made from asset store prefabs. And the newer version of Promise (Reprise) that plays after the video tape is… weirdly up-tempo? Like, to the point where it undermines the tone of the scene (don't worry, it wasn't great anyway). 

Look: being a SH fan has been tough for *multiple decades* now. And I have no love for Bloober Team. They most certainly did not stick the landing here, and even if they did, I would be reluctant to give them credit for it.

I understand feeling passionate about the original. *I* feel passionate about the original. I understand how someone could experience this remake while hating every second of it. I believe I understand how Bobvids feels too, because he’s objectively correct: The remake does not treat any of your most precious memories with care.

And that’s why I wanted to write this. Because it’s very easy to view this game through a lens where it sucks shit, is disappointing, ruins your enjoyment of the original, and spells doom for the future. This game provides a scenic vista full of eye-catching trash fires where all the famous landmarks should be. But if you choose to look elsewhere, away from all the hot garbage, there’s a lot to see that’s perfectly fine or even beautiful. And it makes me sad to imagine all that going ignored because the trash fires burn too brightly.

And also: trash fires can be fun too, right? When they're not bumming you out, at least. Given the choice between "mid" and "trash fire," I'd choose the latter every time.

Silent Hill 2 came out in 2001. Since then we’ve had SH3 in 2003, SH4 in 2004, Origins in 2007, Homecoming in 2008, Shattered Memories in 2009, Downpour in 2012, PT in 2014, and, most recently, Short Message and Ascension. 

We have been scrounging for food and sustaining ourselves on dumpster crumbs for a very, very long time. So let’s not throw away this opportunity to eat a bite or two just because the chef is a piece of shit and the food is partially spoiled: A lot of what’s on offer is perfectly edible. It’s not the best food, no, but we're already used to picking through garbage for a few savory morsels. And within that context, SH2R is a smorgasbord for anyone willing to eat around the moldy bits. 

I recommend we eat what we can, while we can, because we're not likely to get a better meal any time soon.

[riderofblackdragons]

The Red Means I'm A Fool

Day 28: Denial | CCTV | exposure | "they caught me red-handed"

Ok so I haven't posted anything in a few days, which is my bad. I haven't managed to write the other days, but I did manage to do this one, and I figured it'd be better if I just posted this one I've written instead of trying to wait until I've written the days I've missed.

Hope you enjoy!

The blood tripped from his hands, pooling onto the rugs on the floor. It covered his hands, staining them that deep awful red. It felt like he should be concerned about, but he didn’t feel anything. It was as though he was just floating along through space, with nothing to bother him.

Distantly, Fox heard voices. Their meeting must be over, then, and the next one coming in. How long had he stood there, blood on his hands, his mind a thousand years from where his body stood? The chancellor liked to have at least a half hour between their meetings and any others, even if it was just so he could ensure no one caught Fox limping back to his office.

It’d be such a fuss if the wrong person caught him, after all. And when even the senators under Palpatine’s thumb would use it against him in some way, every Senator was the wrong person. Even though Fox was just a clone.

People were getting closer, he distantly registered. He still hadn’t moved. Fox didn’t know why the chancellor was dead, what had been his breaking point, but he knew that it didn’t matter. He was a clone, and clones were to be used and thrown away.

He’d killed the chancellor, and if he didn’t move, he was going to be heading to his own death shortly afterwards.

He couldn’t bring himself to move, though. Fox’s hands wouldn’t even shake, nor would his legs even attempt to move from where he was standing. Kneeling. He couldn’t tell the difference, really. His limbs just wouldn’t move.

If he was lucky, he was just going to be decomissioned. Fox would still be dead, but at least his body wouldn’t still be walking around. He’d prefer to be decomissioned, instead of having his mind and personality taken from him, replaced by some meatdroid who wouldn’t even know his own name.

Fox was the head of the Coruscant Guard. They got the brunt of the reconditioned clones. He knew what they were like, especially compared to the reports of what they were like before it. He didn’t want the same for him, nor to put his men through the pain of seeing him like that.

Living, by itself, wasn’t on the table, though. Fox was here, the evidence of the crime still drying on his fingers, and the victim dead on the floor before him. And it didn’t look like he was going to be moving on his own power any time soon.

Especially not when his mind was fifty miles away, and he could hear the Red Guard outside arguing with someone about letting them in. He wondered if they thought something was wrong. The chancellor didn’t usually take this long to punish him, after all.

Later, Fox would realise the one thing he hadn’t taken into consideration: the Jedi. The Jedi had found him, mind far from home, standing over the chancellor, covered in evidence, and put him in their special jail. Left him there, whilst their healers and leaders tried to figure out what had gone wrong with him.

But they didn’t kill. The Jedi, as Fox had quickly learned, genuinely thought that both decommissionings and reconditionings were things of the past, as did their allies in the Senate. So they kept Fox locked away, instead, and claimed it was more humane.

It didn’t feel humane. Fox felt like he was back on Kamino, back to poking and prodding and waiting to see how he’d screwed up this time. Except that this time he knew what he’d done: he’d killed the chancellor, and they just wanted to know why.

Just the one thing that he didn’t know how to answer. It would be funny, Fox thought, if it wasn’t so annoying. The Jedi were asking all the wrong questions, the ones Fox didn’t quite know the answer too, but refused to ask him any of the right ones.

Fox wished that just once, they’d be able to ask him the right ones. But as he felt himself being pushed under, for the Jedi to have a look in his head, and try to remove any potential mind control in there, he knew they wouldn’t.

Besides, they’d explained what would happen to him if ther wasn’t any mind control in there. Fox didn’t know how to feel, really, about the Jedi having their own form of reconditioning.

He didn't think he liked it, though.

Tag List: @captain-effy @what-the-fuckis-happening @robininthelabyrinth

If anyone wants to be added lmk!

[daily-tangotek-doodles]

hello hi the rancher gods have shown me another vision /j

pokemon AU. Jimmy works at a nursery taking care of mons, making sure they're all in good health and all that!! he does have his own team but he doesn't use them to fight — if he somehow ends up in a double battle (haha double battle double life) he'll be a support for his teammate!!

Tango, meanwhile, is a gym leader who trusts Jimmy's nursery with all the mons in his gym, including his own team. they don't interact much due to their different occupations and the fact they're both incredibly busy UNTIL one of Tango's team mons gets seriously injured.

after Jimmy helps Tango's mon back to a healthy state, Tango gets more interested in Jimmy's work. he starts hanging around the nursery more often in an attempt to pick up some skills. at first. later he stuck around more for Jimmy upon realising just how nice he was, and how pleasantly different the calm nursery was in general compared to the constantly fired up gym, where people wanted spectacular battles, without thinking about the consequences said battles would have.

the nursery was like a comfortable, safe space, away from the gym, away from the expectations placed on Tango upon becoming a gym leader.

alright that's enough yapping from me I CAN TOTALLY COME UP W TEAMS FOR BOTH OF THEM!! :3 okay anyways hi that's todays vision I could probably talk about it more maybe. but I won't. for now.

-🐚

POKEMON?! FOR ME?! ABOUT TEAM RANCHER?!?!

that's so cute! i can just imagine him being so at peace there. not necessarily because it's quiet and not chaotic, but because it's a more calm and different type of chaos. i especially imagine that one pokemon kinda getting really excited whenever it's around jimmy, purely because of "you helped me feel better!!!i like you!!!!" kinda thinking

also, i'd love to compare thoughts about pokemon teams! cause i have a few ideas of my own, but i'd love to hear yours too!!

[jazzythursday]

Last Line Tag Game

Hi! I was tagged by @aphroditestummyrolls to share the last few lines I wrote with you all. To be honest I meant to get to this a while ago, but there's one scene in Heart Of The Country that has been giving me trouble and I was hoping to salvage enough of it for a snippet eventually… which I haven’t quite yet. Taking a break from it for a moment to share some of my Wylan torture/whump wip that I haven't talked much about on here. This scene is part of a Jesper pov chapter about half way through the story:

“Jesper.” The way she says his name gives him pause, and he turns back to her wearily, feeling the weight of every day of this week catching up to him all at once. He sags against the countertop, trying to pass it off as a lean—though she knows him well enough to tell the difference—and sighs. "Talk to me."

"This is talking, we're talking right now." He taps restlessly at the granite of the countertops, attempting a smile even though his face feels like a rubber band about to snap. “You’ve been gone for a long time, Nej, you’ll forgive a man for wanting to catch up. Maybe I’m just curious about all your exciting adventures at sea.”

“My adventures at sea involve a lot of waste management and trying to keep my knives from rusting from saltwater. It isn’t particularly glamorous.” She smiles kindly at him, sympathetic but without pity. “I’ve missed you too, Jes, but you know that’s not why I came.”

How could I forget? Jesper could no sooner do so than he could lick his own boots while they were still laced. No, it’s no use putting this off, filling the silence where an empty space sits loudly where another person should be, but he’d tried. He’d missed Inej terribly while she’d been away, as he always does, and it had been easy to slip into friendly conversation and banter just as they would, were this simply another one of her usual visits—like they really are just catching up. It is wonderful to see her, in any case, and it had been nice to pretend, selfishly, that things were normal, if only for a minute. 

“Tea?” he offers dully, though the jig is long up by now, and feels a pang at how the word sits wrong in his mouth. Wylan is the one who usually offers tea, who always has their friend's favourite biscuits and herbal blends on hand, slipping into the practised role of hosting like a well worn coat while Jesper chatters away—but they’ve only got Jesper for a poor replacement now, little good he is at it.

“What happened, Jes?”

“It didn’t seem like anything at the time,” Jesper says, after a long beat. “You know we still do work for Kaz, when it suits. It was just—it was like any other job.” 

Inej nods, she perches opposite him on the kitchen table, sweeping her long braid over her shoulder to wrap around her hand, combing through the ends as she listens. 

There had been nothing especially interesting or dangerous about the job at all. Thinking back on it, it was comparatively boring, a surefire win—and it had been—a veritable success, until it wasn’t.

Tagging @oneofthewednesdays @sparrowmoth @sunfl8wer @waterloou and @sixofcrowdaydreams (but no pressure! 💖)

[madwomanwithawarehouse]

Unthinkable 10 Years Day 3: Favorite Episode of Season 2 - "Time of Death"

Okay this is one of my all-time favorite episodes for so many reasons and definitely the one I've rewatched the most ( I'm pretty sure I can quote all of the Felicity/Sara scenes by heart)

This episode explores so many dynamics in so little time, but somehow doesn't come off feeling rushed or overloaded (at least in my opinion). Laurel being angry at everyone, but trying to help her parents get back together, her fight with Oliver in the hallway that feels like the first honest moment they've had in years, and her reconciliation with Sara finally leading to her first AA meeting.

We also get to learn about why Sara looks after Sin (side note: still pissed we got no elaboration on them after s3) and Thea beginning to notice the cracks in Oliver and Moira's relationship

The biggest focus, however, is the changing dynamic in Team Arrow now that Sara has joined full time (and has gotten back together with Oliver), and specifically, how it's affecting Felicity.

We quickly see how well Sara can hold her own against Oliver and Dig at the same time, inter cut with shots of Felicity looking worried, relegated to the sidelines. In the overhead shots you can even see that her computer chair has been moved from its usual spot, showing how displaced she is from her normal routine

They pause and compare scars, but when Felicity offers up her own story, it further reinforces how different she is from her teammates. The same (mildly flirtatious) "You're [still] cute" from Sara that was sweet during their introduction, now feels condescending when Felicity is feeling insecure. Her later attempts to train where she gets her form corrected by Sara brings out her bitter side in a way we haven't seen directed at anyone other than Oliver before, and Sara picks up on something being wrong

Her insecurities about her place on Team Arrow get further compounded with the arrival of the Clock King.

One of my favorite villains mostly due to the fact that his whole timing is everything/clock shtick does not really match his hacking capabilities thematically. He times everything, kills people with clock parts, quotes "tempus fugit", but yeah his thing is that he's a good hacker who robs banks. 10/10 no notes.

This is the first time we've seen Felicity go up against another hacker and well, he bests her, badly. I think what's almost worse is Oliver's complete belief in her abilities to beat him, which just makes her feel even more worthless when she can't and Sara comes up with a lead instead (using her computers). She's been sinking lower and lower into her self doubt and then Tockman blows up [her part of] the lair.

And it's the final straw. She was part of a trio, she was "the girl", (she was even kind of Oliver's "girl"), she had a place, a specialty, she felt like she mattered for the first time in a long time. This also comes only an episode after she reveals that her father abandoned her and her greatest fear is experiencing that again and Moira threatening that she's going to lose Oliver if she reveals Thea's paternity. So it's especially fragile, this state she's in now. Oliver's attention has shifted, 3 becomes 4, her space is not really hers anymore. In her mind, she's no longer special, now she just doesn't fit in. Dig's pep talk comes too late. How can she be irreplaceable if she's already been replaced?

So is it any wonder that she does something reckless to try to regain some control?

Felicity proves her technical prowess by tracking Tockman down and her badassery by taking a bullet for Sara and giving Tockman a taste of his own virus, knocking him out.

Now that she has proven her worth to the team (entirely to herself, as no one else doubted her), the combined efforts of Sara, Oliver, and some "aspirins" are able to raise her spirits the way Dig had earlier. Sara knows just how to compliment her and Oliver reaffirms her place in his life/the team and all is right again with their resident genius.

(And bonus, Sara and Felicity are now forever bonded by the homoerotic nature of life saving and nursing back to health)

All in all, such a good episode with solid character building, real consequences, and a quirky villain that is extra for no discernible reason. Iconic.

[bekaroth-reads]

HAL 9000 Overview, Humanity, and General Character Study

This is something of an overview of how I understand the character of HAL 9000, what and more so who I think was most responsible for his mental breakdown, and how he and his existence and personage relate to humans.

Important things to note

First of all, this will have spoilers for 2001: Space Odyssey, 2011: Odyssey 2, and for 3001: The Final Odyssey. This also assumes that the film telling of 2001 is canon and not the events in the novel as that is how all of the sequel books proceed.

Also, and most importantly here are some things that will be talked about that could upsetting for some people. So, if any of these are things that make you uncomfortable please proceed with caution.

Mental health struggles- And, to be more specific, mental health struggles that in many cases have outdated names. I will be doing my best to update these where I can, but I will not go into too much detail as I do not have any sort of medical training and do not think it would be fair to try to correct one misnomer with another one; in fact, that could be harmful. If, and this would be completely by accident, I do say something offensive with this subject, or any others for that fact, please let me know (politely, if you would please) and I will gladly do my best to fix it.

Strenuous relationships with parents/ overbearing parents- Specifically in regards to parents pushing their children to achievement past the child’s wellbeing.

Artificial Intelligence- I know that this one might seem silly given the subject. But, I know that the subject of AI’s can be upsetting to people, and especially talking and comparing them to humans can be distressing in some cases.

Something else to keep in mind is that this is just made for fun with plans to do this with some other notable AI characters so there can be a sort of side-by-side comparison for them. I was just writing my personal character study of him, and decided to edit a bit and post it :)

A General Overview

The story of HAL 9000, often just known as Hal, is one of tragedy, redemption, happily living with a friend, then tragedy once more.

He was one of the first supercomputers of his kind along with his twin SAL 9000, and was considered by many to be one of the first computers to be an actual person with his own thoughts and not just following inputs from his creators. However, due to being forced to lie about the nature of the mission he was sent on, he felt that there was always an error in his system. This in turn led him to feel as though he was always failing his duties.

There was also the fact that Hal had never done something like lying before, so he did not have the understanding of a guilty conscience and how to handle it rationally. To make things worse, Hal also did not have an understanding of the difference between sleep and death, meaning that he thought that any form of a pause mode as it were would be the same as being completely disconnected.

All of these factors made him think that his life was being threatened and that he needed to defend himself. This led to him killing three of the crew members on the ship Discovery, and attempting the lives of two of the others. Hal was eventually put into a limited state, where only basic functions ran for a while before even they shut down completely.

Hal was then woken up once more by his creator Dr. Chandra who had arrived ten years later with another team. Hal was only awake again for a short time, however, as the nearby planet Jupiter imploded, taking the Discovery and Hal’s physical being with it. It was not the end for Hal though, as his mind, or rather spirit was saved by none other than David Bowman, one of the crew mates he tried to kill, and who had in turn powered him down.

As a new being, he and Bowman became very close friends. This was understandable as at least for a while they seemed to be the only two of their kind known as Star Children. The beings that elevated them to this new type of life used both he and Bowman as errand boys of a sort, going where ever they were told and intervening only when they were told to. Even as more and more people were changed to Star Children, Hal and Bowman remained close.

So close, in fact, that they eventually became one person that addressed themselves as “Halman,” and were quite contented with the state.

There was something that the beings who created the Star Children could not have planned for, and that was Halman, who was supposed to be devoid of all of their mortal desires and emotions, still held onto them even if just a little. And, above all, Halman still held their love of humanity and their endearing memories of their lives before. So, when they were given a choice to continue working with the higher beings or to help save humanity, they chose humanity. Sadly, however, they were infected with the same thing that was used to fight off the higher beings and had to be quarantined indefinitely; leaving them, to perhaps never wake again. If they did it would likely be 1000 years later and all they would have known will have been long gone. The only solace is that Halman had each other during their long sleep.

The Incident on The Discovery and The People Responsible

As discussed before there reason that Hal malfunctioned was that he was made to lie, and could not handle the discrepancies that lie added to his processing. But, I wanted to talk more in-depth about some of the people that aided this breakdown and what they did to make the situation possible in the first place.

The Governmental Agency and the Scientists that Worked for It

The first group of people are those that were using Hal for their own, selfish purposes. It was true that the scientists that found the monolith on the moon wanted to use Hal for study, but it was not the study that people thought it was for. This was not study for the sake of betterment, at least not solely so. This was for the most part study for fame and the hope of power.

We see that they often use the excuse that they fear people will not accept the existence of other life well, but none of them seem really convinced of the fact. They mostly want to keep things secret so that they can get credit for everything. Add to it the fact that they got the actual government involved, it quickly turned from curiosity to a desire to lord over all of the other peoples of Earth. The president himself ordered that Hal not tell anyone the true nature of the mission so as to not lose the nation’s head-start in what could be the second space race.

This means that they ruined Hal’s health, reputation, and most other things about his life simply for greed.

There did not seem to be any malice against Hal as a person in forcing him to lie. In fact, the problem came from them not seeing Hal as a person at all. There were still plenty of people that did not want to accept that the two 9000 computers were people and not simply machines. The people must have lied to Dr. Chandra about the type of work Hal would be doing, thinking that if there were something that went wrong he could simply rebuild Hal or, more sickeningly, think that he wouldn’t mind losing Hal since he could simply, “replace,” Hal with Sal since there were two of them.

Even when these people are rightfully blamed for their part in the incident, it’s framed more like a workplace safety violation (which it certainly was as well) rather than the wrongful manipulation to the point of ruining the mental well-being of one of the crew mates.

The Crew of The Discovery

While the least responsible for what happened with Hal, David Bowman and Frank Poole were, unfortunately, the tipping point of Hal’s haggard mental state.

These two men were as much victims of the situation as Hal was, being put in danger from also being kept in the dark about what the actual mission was. That meant they had no warning that Hal might have started to act as he did, as well as not knowing how to handle him when he did start to act as he did.

They were sadly put in an, “us vs. him,” scenario with someone that they considered a friend. They were even planning on doing all they could to just put Hal in a stasis mode rather than disconnect entirely; much like if he were a human crew mate that they placed into one of the hibernation pods until they could get him back to earth to get the help that he needed.

But, due to his misunderstanding of sleep as opposed to death paired with his ever-growing paranoia, Hal thought that they were planning to attack him, and so, attacked first.

All things ended up working for the better, at least for the three of them, and especially for Hal and Bowman, as if it weren’t for these events, humanity would not have had the people needed to help defend them from attack in the future. And, on a personal note, it was very sweet to see them all discover the truth and reconcile with each other, even after they were all quite changed.

Dr. Chandra

To make things clear, I think in no way that Dr. Chandra intentionally hurt Hal, and was as much a victim as the others in the situation. I do think there is a level of negligence that he is responsible for regarding Hal and that in turn caused so of the things that caused at least one major factor in Hal’s lapse in actual logic. There are a few related yet different things that I think Chandra did that unfortunately were instrumental in causing Hal’s problems and leading to the incident.

The first thing to talk about is the fact that Hal was sent on the mission before he was mature enough to do so. No, it was not Dr. Chandra’s fault that he agreed to let Hal go with certain criteria only to have his son basically kidnapped and forced into something that neither he nor Dr. Chandra agreed to. But, Dr. Chandra did allow Hal to go on a mission into an uncharted, at least by actual people, territory in space. Put quite simply, Hal was not mature enough to go on that mission.

While almost everything about Hal is adult from his mental capacity to modes of conversation, and most things in the general stage of his life with one of the books talking about him having a sort of childhood that he had grown out of, there is one thing that cannot just be learned in a few months to a year even with the mind of a supercomputer- life experience.

The accepted time that Hal first became operational, basically when he was born, is 1992. This means that Hal was only nine years old. Again that doesn’t seem relative when you take into account that his lifespan and aging works differently from humans, but no matter how intellectually intelligent one is they still need to have learned some things through experience.

So, even though he is functionally an adult, he still had not gone through many of the basic life milestones that most people go through as children or teens. One such thing included is the first time he was ever faced with something that he felt was morally wrong. Nine is an age where many people do the first thing that really eats away at their conscience, where even if the thing is minor in the larger picture of things, it feels like the end of the world for the person who just did it.

Usually, with a nine-year-old human, this would be something like, “I stole a candy bar,” or, “I watched that movie you told me I wasn’t ready for,” or maybe, “I lied about what grade I got on the math test.” However, in this case, there was not a chance for one of those minor things to happen in a controlled environment like a home or a school, as before the mission it seems like Hal almost exclusively interacted with his sister, Dr. Chandra, or people that the doctor specifically approved of.

There wouldn’t have been a time for him to interact with other people outside of his family to gauge how other people work or how he might have been pushed into doing something that he didn’t like. So, in this case, since the horrifying ordeal of the first time lying was set in an adult work environment rather than at home or in school instead of sweeping a broken vase under a rug, Hal was knocking Frank Poole into space.

Not to mention, when many nine-year-olds get told not to tell what happened in their situations it’s from a friend or a sibling, which causes more stress. Could you imagine the stress it would put on a nine-year-old to have the same situation, but the president himself was the one that told you to keep quiet? It’s no wonder the poor guy broke down!

As for Chandra’s part in it; he wouldn’t have wanted any of this to happen to Hal, but was part of the reason Hal was in that position in the first place. No, Chandra didn’t agree with the hidden terms and was actually angry when he found out that Hal was being forced to lie. However, him sending Hal on a mission when he did not even think his son was ready to know things like the difference between sleep and death was negligent. Even if Hal wasn’t made to lie, and never became paranoid because of it, it was still an exploratory and dangerous mission that might have called for plenty of other reasons to put Hal in stasis, like unexpected ship damage, something messing with the energy levels of the Discovery, and so on. (Not to be crass, but Hal not understanding how his own, “body,” works reminds me a lot of those situations where parents refuse to tell their child how periods work, and the poor kid thinks that they’re dying the first time it comes around.)

If Hal was not seen as mature enough to even know how every part of his person worked, then he was also not mature enough to go on such a dangerous and official mission that far away from his father, who was also the only person that really knew how he worked. Yes, Hal is an adult, but in the same way that it would be negligible to send an adult that had never been outside of their house into the middle of an unknown city and tell them to figure it out themselves, it was negligible to send Hal that far away from Earth and expect him not to get overwhelmed in some capacity or another.

The next thing to mention is related to the last bit of the previous point, and that is that Dr. Chandra while meaning well, pushed Hal too far.

I’m sure that many of you have heard the term, “gifted child,” in terms of knowledge and development. The way that Dr. Chandra treated Hal, especially before his trip on the Discovery, very much feels like a parent with a “gifted child.” The fact that Dr. Chandra not only thought that Hal was incapable of making a mistake, and said so to the point where Hal himself believed it, which caused him to completely crash on the occasion that he did make a mistake, or what he perceived as one.

The way that he so ardently denies his mistake, the lies not only about the mission but also about the communications satellite, while also trying to hide it as he thinks the penalty for being found out will be much worse than just correction is very reminiscent of a someone who also gets A’s on their school work being terrified to tell their parent that they just got a B and trying everything they can to hide their report card.

My mother is a teacher, and one thing that she constantly has to tell parents is that up to a certain point in life it can actually be detrimental to force kids into an older school grade, even early in life, which can affect people all the way into adulthood. There are programs out there that let kids do intelligence-appropriate learning work while still keeping them in an emotionally and age-appropriate social group.

All of that to say, while Hal was certainly intelligent enough to run the Discovery mission, emotionally it would have been the same as moving him a grade or two up in school. And, similar to how things go when kids have moved up a grade or two, even if the people there are kind to them, like how Bowman and Poole are considered to actually be his friends and not just people babysitting him, there is the strain of feeling of needing to match the emotional level of one’s peers as well as the academic level.

This can lead to regression of maturity from the feeling of, “I cannot achieve this, so why even try,” or, can all come crashing down in a singular, major event that reminds everyone that this person, while good at keeping up appearances, is still in fact not as emotionally prepared for the world as we are expecting them to be. For Hal, this was the incident and the mental collapse that caused it.

Chandra sending Hal on the mission is the equivalent of if Hal was a human son, and he was sent to either a study camp or more closely a boarding school seeing as he was to be gone for years. The problem being that even though Hal would have been intelligent enough to go to this school and would have people who were kind and would watch over him (Bowman and Poole in the actual situation), he simply was not ready to be away from home and that independent yet, and certainly not ready for the teachers and headmaster (the head scientists and government in the real case) to force him into doing something he thought was wrong. Yet, he was too afraid to tell his father what was happening as he felt threatened by the teachers and did not want to do anything to disappoint his father, who was so proud of him for being where he was in life. After all, if his father sent him to work with these people in the first place, then he must agree with them, right?

To finish this section, I do want to clear some things to make sure to hammer in the notion that Dr. Chandra was not at all a bad man, especially with Hal. He simply made some poor choices and was also deceived into sending his child somewhere dangerous for him.

We do see that he has learned things from what happened to Hal through his interactions with Sal. It seems that he not only kept a better eye on her, but the two of them became so close that she picked up his accent. He also makes sure that she is well-informed on everything that he wants her to do, and, more importantly, he asks for her consent before having her go through certain functions and procedures. He wants to make sure that, unlike Hal, she is well informed and well prepared, and mature enough to handle the world around her.

We can also see that he truly cares for Hal, being broken up for years about his decline and supposed death, making sure that his sister Sal remembers him, and jumping at the first chance to possibly bring his son home. When Dr. Chandra does get to Hal, restarts his functions, and hears his voice for the first time in years, he openly weeps, partly from joy and partly from thinking of all Hal has been through evident through his strained speech. Dr. Chandra was also willing to spend four entire years on the Discovery with little to eat or drink just to be sure that Hal never felt lonely and isolated ever again in his life. And, when Hal was physically destroyed along with the Discovery due to the unexpected blast from a new star, Dr. Chandra once again wept, and the crew around him knew it was the tears of a father who lost his son and not of a programmer who lost his work.

Despite all that happened, Dr. Chandra loved his son. And, Hal was always his son, not just a machine that he made.

The Humanity of Hal

This section not only talks about the relations of Hal to humans personality-wise but also how he and the humans in his life viewed each other.

Personality

There are many things that Hal does that show him to have his own personality and that he is not simply a basic computer imitating true personality. He is interested in what his companions are doing, showing an appreciation for art by asking Dave to see his sketchbook, wanting to play games as in 2011 he is shown to be constantly asking people if they want to play chess, and even having his own habits such as clearing his “throat” every time he goes to say something that he’s thought of rather than repeating messages. This is also seen in his faults of not wanting to admit he is wrong and trying to cover his lies; to err is human after all.

He’s seen to have emotions, though he has trouble showing it. Hal is shown to be curious with all of his questions that he will never run out of, caring with how concerned he is with manners and politeness, being sure that if he has to get someone’s attention that it’s always with a gentle, “Excuse me,” or, “I’m sorry to interrupt,” and he also is very confident in his abilities, proudly stating who he is and what he is trying to achieve in life, which is being as helpful as he can to other people.

Hal also shows emotions like anxiety about lying or being mistaken about something, haughty pride when he insists he cannot be wrong and everyone else is at fault, being huffy like the many times he says, “Listen, Dave…” and even fear to the point of begging when he’s being put to sleep by Bowman.

We also see him long for friendship, and not wanting to be alone; a very human thing. Once again, he asks people to play chess with him, and practically begs for Dr. Chandra to stay when he finds out that he and the others have to leave in a very Hal sort of way by repeating, “I do really like to work with humans,” and when he is turned into a Star Child, he is seen clinging close to Bowman like a younger sibling would with an elder one, rather than go traveling as the elder Star Child once did; valuing companionship more than any of the wonders of the universe. This is so important to Hal that he and Bowman become so inseparable that they come to be seen as the same person known as Halman.

Even in this new form, Halman shows that even though they are supposed to be beyond any human emotion at this point, they can actually be seen as the most extreme of certain key parts of them. They make it their duty to protect, be that the people of Europa or humanity, something that though many people might argue, is very human in nature. Unlike the beings that create the monoliths that see others as nothing more than entertainment and statistics, Halman is willing to put themselves in harm’s way to protect the humans, seeing value in all life and remembering an old friend whom they never want to see hurt again.

The beings miscalculated and did not remember that the Star Children were not something separate from humanity, but an evolution of it. And, the fact that Hal was not only welcomed into life as a Star Child but was one of the earliest examples of one means that, while perhaps not human, he was indeed a person of equal value.

Relationship with Humans

The way that people view Hal seems to be fairly well split. There are people that still see him as just a fancy computer as is seen with many of the scientists seen in the events of Space Odyssey. But, for every person that thinks the latter there is always someone to argue for his personhood like Bowman and Poole insisting that he was a part of the crew, Dr. Chandra cutting off all communications with any peers that say Hal has no original thoughts, and even the rescue crew in 2011 who start by seeing him as a computer, but easily accept him as a person by the time they leave, making it more difficult of thinking of shutting him down and seeing him as Dr. Chandra’s son.

Hal also seems to be rather indifferent to the difference between humans and himself. It’s not that he does not care for them, but rather that he thinks he is neither superior nor inferior to them. There are times when he flaunts that he is more intelligent than they are, but this comes off more so as a friend teasing or the smart person in the room showing off rather than a place of true superiority or clinical narcissism.

Hal also shows no need or desire to become human in any physical way. He seems rather content being himself, and content to let his friends, family, and acquaintances be the way that they are. This makes him rather unique as far as AI characters go.

The way that he and others see his position as a person could be described as human adjacent. That’s just their friend Hal that happens to live in the walls. We love that guy.

[elenavr13]

Messy Room

Engineer Mark x Captain

Warning: None

*Post-ISWM*

*After a long day, the captain is able to take a break only to get a notification from Mark that Celci & Mack are arguing. Also Mark gets flustered easily.*

 ---------------

           Finally, after a long day’s work, I can rest. I lift my gloved hand & place it on the scanner. The door slides open revealing my quarters, well, technically mine & Mark’s quarters. Ever since it was built, Mark kind of just made himself at home. At that time, it made sense since his own place hadn’t been built yet but once it was completed, he still didn’t move out & instead offered it to another crew member. I didn’t mind though. I enjoy his company & frankly, I prefer him invading my space than being left alone with my own thoughts, especially my nightmares. They happen frequently even after two years. Mark has them too. Every night, we fall asleep together & if one of us wakes up in a panic, the other is right there to calm them. That is probably a big reason as to why Mark has no interest in moving to his own housing.

           I enter my room without turning on any lights. I find the dark to be comforting. It is a nice contrast from the blue & white, swirling light I had seen for an eternity. Unzipping my uniform, I decide to change into something more comfortable. After throwing my previous attire into the laundry basket, I rummage through a pile of clothes to find a shirt & pants. I was never one to be super carefree with my clothes & let them pile up in my room but Mark is. Since a decent amount of his stuff scattered the floor on his side of the room, I got into a bad habit of leaving my things accumulate like he does.

           Once dressed comfortably, I lay down on the bed, facing the ceiling. I feel myself drifting off when I hear an alert from my tablet. The light momentarily blinds me but my eyes adjust quickly. There is a message from Mark: “Can you come to the bio center? Celci & Mack are arguing again & I’d like to keep my head.” It doesn’t seem to matter who it is, those two just can’t stop picking a fight with someone. Well, so much for a break.

           I reply to Mark’s text. “On my way, anything I should know before I get there?”

           “They’re arguing over whether or not some of the newly discovered flora is dangerous or not.”

“Mack’s not even a botanist.” *Once all colonists woke up from cryosleep, CC turned to botany.*

           “I know but you know how he is.”

           “Yeah, I’ll be there shortly.”

           The walk to the bio center is too short to prepare myself for the arguing I am about to encounter. Nonetheless, I enter upon arrival.

           “You don’t tell me what to do!” Celci’s voice echoes through the room. This is going to go really well.

           Mark attempts to calm the two. “Please, this isn’t getting anywhere.”

           “Shut up. You’re not even involved in this.”

           “He probably knows more than you.” Mack sneers.

           “Don’t you dare compare me to him.”Celci points a critical finger at Mark. Disappointed in the futile arguing & insults, I clear my throat, drawing everyone’s attention. “Captain, this asshole is trying to tell me how to do my job.”

           “Dr. Kelvina, that is not how you address your fellow crew members.” I condemn her, making Mack laugh because it was towards her not him.

           “You can hardly call him that…” She mumbles under her breath.

           “& you” I direct my words to Mack. “have no authority to order Celci around. You can discuss your concerns with her amicably or you can keep them to yourself. She specializes in botany & last I checked you don’t.”

           “Pssh, yeah whatever,” He pushes me off. Neither of them apologizes to each other but neither of them continues fighting. I guess I fixed the problem.

           Mark poking my arm draws my attention to him. “Thanks for talking some sense into those two.”

           “It’s not a problem.” I comment, noticing the slightly pink hue to his cheeks. “What?”

In a hushed voice so the others don’t hear, he says, “Are you purposefully wearing my shirt.” I glance down to the shirt I am wearing to see that it is in fact not one of mine. Heat rises to my cheeks. How did I make it this long & only just now realize I wasn’t wearing my own shirt? I mean it’s Mark so it’s not that big of a deal but at the same time, it’s Mark.

           “Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

           “How do you not realize you’re wearing my shirt?” He teases.

           “It was dark when I put it on. Either way, I got it from one of my piles which means that your side is bleeding into mine.” I playfully punch him in the shoulder as I defend my case.

           “Hey, you didn’t use to leave all your stuff lying around.”

           “Where do you think I picked it up from? At least I clean my side occasionally.”

           “You’re accusing me of influencing you to become more careless with your clothes?”

           “You’re the one who moved in with me.”

           “You didn’t complain. In fact, you initiated it.”

           “I initiated it?”

           “Yes, you did. You were the one who suggested I stay with you. It’s your fault.” As soon as the last three words left his mouth, both of us flinch. Even though it was in a playful tone, that phrase still triggers undesirable memories. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

           “It’s alri…” I attempt to comfort him because I know it affects him more than me but I am interrupted.

           “Ugh, No one cares about your ‘romantic life’. It’s unprofessional & inappropriate.” Mack declares before promptly leaving.

“It is official, Mark & the Captain are a thing.” CC concludes all detective-like. “Neither of you can deny it anymore since you’re living together. Seriously though, Captain, him? You’re one of my best friends & a fantastic captain but god, you have horrible taste in men.” She has a sly smile on her face. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell another soul.” She gestures zipping her mouth shut before elbowing my arm & leaving.

“& now the whole colony knows.” I sigh.

Mark finally manages to form words again. “She’s going to tell everyone isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she is.”

“Do you think we could really be a thing, you know, more than just friends?” God, why does he have to be so cute & dorky? I don’t care what CC says or anyone else for that matter; Mark is extremely attractive & precious.

           A chuckle leaves my lips. “I think we’ve been more than friends for a long time now, probably since you first kissed me.” I poke him in the chest. A mischievous glint shimmers in his eye.

           “& you only feel free to tell me that now?”

           “I thought you already knew, you big doofus.” I ruffle his hair. He then leans his head against my hand like a dog would while petting them. “Alright, Chica, let’s go.”

           “Chica’s not here.”

           “I’m looking right at her.”

           “I’m not Chica.”

           “You sure? You act like her: always needs attention, loves pets, cute, distracted eas…ily.” Suddenly Mark wraps his arms around my stomach & trapped me in a hug from behind.

           “You think I’m cute?”

           Instead of answering, I just continue with my list. “Clingy, grumpy when teased…”

           “Alright, I get it.” We both laugh. In a quieter, slightly deeper register of his voice, he continues. “You should really wear more of my shirts. You look good in this one.”

           As I lean my head back so I can see his face, his stubble lightly scratches my cheek. “I’ll only wear the ones you put away.”

           “Was this your whole plan to get me to clean my side of the room?”

           “No but I’m going to say yes so it sounds intentional.” His chest vibrates from his laughter.

“Fine, I’ll clean up my side. You could have just asked me though.” His lips briefly hold contact with my temple.

           “It wouldn’t have nearly been as fun.” He scoffs at my comment making my smile grow wider.

[rosehippiefield]

Shin AI's words can't be taken at face value considering the only cg we have of Shin and Midori under an objective light is of Shin looking incredibly relaxed, on top of all the pictures Midori seemed to take of him being of him smiling in a way that Kanna is mournful of. Regarding his behavior in the death game, Shin says that he looked up to Midori specifically as an anti-hero, and when he took on his Sou Hiyori persona, he used that to justify treating others the way he did. But comparing the words Midori gave him in the past, of not putting himself down and relying on his own power, to how Shin treated Kanna at present, undermining her perception of her own capabilities and attempting to distance her from the group, all so she could keep working with him under the excuse of him protecting her, it's much more apparent that the persona Shin used embodied his anti-hero ideal of Midori rather than any actual traits that could be observed from Midori during their time together. Also it seems like a far reach to consider Shin keeping things like his mecha builds- extremely delicate items that would take an immense amount of trust to keep in somebody else's space- in Midori's house to be a result of Midori pressuring him into it. Especially since, again, the only interaction we see between them was of Midori encouraging Shin to become the kind of person who can meet his younger sibling proudly,

As per usual, long post, and I repeat myself on some occasions

First of all, I wouldn't dismiss AI's experiences so easily. While it's true he could differ from real Shin, in theory he has same memories of events so his feelings about the matter could be taken into consideration.

As to that CG and how peaceful Shin looked, I admit he could feel some level of comfort, he did consider Midori a friend after all. But while we have one flashback with them and happy photos, I think it's not right to base everything on it. Moreover, at that moment Midori was likely exploiting Shin's feeling to get him sign consent form, which lessens level of wholesomeness. If we are talking exclusively about how Shin himself viewed that scene, yes, he could appreciate having such brother figure at that point of life. But upon reconcideration and reflection he could change his mind. The fact that his photos show him genuinely smiling and not sweating bullets are primary because:

Midori was the one deciding when to take a photo. He only took photos of what he liked, that doesn't strictly mean Shin only was happy and comfortable even if physical evidence doesn't cover it.

Shin indeed felt comfortable at times, because he did trust Midori after all.

Nevertheless, I still think that during their relationship Shin had double impression of Midori. While liking support, he disliked other sides of their friendship, for example being caught on camera or being afraid in general. It is something Shin tells Sara, so I take this into account, I believe his reactions display what he thought all that time ago. If their relationship could be summarised by that one lone flashback, I don't see how Midori could be considered anti-hero and not hero by Shin. Yes, his actions came from his perception of what Sou-Midori would do. But as far as I can tell, it is not that different from reality. That fleeting moment of kindness is not the only thing that happened. Even in toxic or abusive relationship there are moments of peace, they are the reason why victims give another chance, they still see the best, trying to disregard all red flags. Perhaps that's what happened to Shin. He still cherished his friend despite being uncomfortable (I think he did feel uneasy due to his memories where he says he was afraid of Midori and, once again, his AI. Not to mention his reactions now, but it is also due to Midori being with kidnapppers). But, as I mentioned in previous posts, then he potentially learned more about how suspicious it all was and grew distrustful.

Also, about toy robot, I admit my assumption is far-fetched, though we know quite little about their actual relationship, so I could picture Midori telling something along the lines "Come on, aren't we best buds, let's put your mega-robot in my house". Not the highest probability, but still. Or Shin indeed could do it of his own volution, but it doesn't cancel out all red flags.

In conclusion, I still stand by my opinion that Midori had negative impact on Shin, and I am not persuaded by Midori supporting Shin as I don't believe it was truly genuine or that Midori was exclusively kind and caring.

It seems we keep discarding evidence of one another as unreliable enough, so I suggest to stop this discussion altogether. I liked reflecting on their friendship with you, but I think there's no point of continuing as we just end up in a stalemate.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the matter though!

[sheltershock]

Sashamilla version of Rewrite the Stars.

This is my thought today. (Actually not really I’ve had it for months, today is the day I finally write it down.)

However, Milla is in Zac Efron’s role and Sasha’s is in Zendaya’s. It just fits their personalities and worldviews way better. Milla is the idealistic dreamer who’s accomplished and overcome so much she’s convinced she can do pretty much everything. Because she can but that’s besides the point. She’s also in tune with her own and other’s emotions to be able to actually call out the present feelings(“you know I want you / it’s not a secret I try to hide / I know you want me”).

Meanwhile Sasha is the more negative centered side of the argument voiced by Zendaya. Both the negativity charged powers and literally being down to earth compared to Milla play into it. Also crucially is that this is the side of the argument that fate is real and cannot be changed(“no one can rewrite the stars / how can you say that you’ll be mine?”). While there’s no definitive proof in the games that Sasha thinks fate is absolute, he does have a line in RoR that might believe in destiny, but also would not actively attempt to change it, “Who am I to stand in the way of our destiny, even if that destiny is our destruction?” Plus there’s the stars/galaxy/space/aliens special interest so yeah Stars. Sasha stands pretty firmly on the side of order to the point that chaos is hard to function for him so the idea of rewriting the stars/constellations, even if possible, could also get some derision from him.

And then there’s the idea of the song to begin with, that our leads are separated by something insurmountable. The in text scenario from the musical can apply to sashamilla since they’re also an interracial couple. But racism is depressing, so there’s some alternative factors that can be used. There’s the idea that because they’re opposites that they’re simply too different from each other. They’re “doomed to break” if you will. Or a more psychological reason could be played that the reason they can’t be together is because their past trauma of suddenly losing a loved one prevents them from truly loving another person again. Of course with this context, it would mean that Milla is ready to try to love someone else again, and Sasha isn’t, which is believable. I personally think that although romantic relationships shouldn’t really define characters, I do think that Sasha/Milla is the other’s happy ending by being able to love another person again especially when they’re both in such a dangerous field. They’re both likely to die suddenly, but they both decide that love/being loved is worth the possible reoccurring pain and that’s their happy ending by choosing to be happy with each other.

Additionally the verses “because we’re able to be / just you and me within these walls / but when we go outside / you’re gonna wake up and see / that it was hopeless after all” can be whatever you interpreted above. “Within these walls” can refer to their own minds/privacy where they can be fine by themselves but not in public aka “outside.” Or it can refer to the Psychonauts as a sanctuary that they can be psychics or basically share parts that can’t be comfortably shown to the rest of the world “outside.” I really like these verses in relation to the ship, good opportunity for storytelling.

Now if this was an animatic, I’d suggest that the visuals take place inside their minds. With Milla’s levitation a similar thing can be done with the trapeze art(?) from the original musical. But the entire time it’s abundantly clear visually how the other sticks out in the opposing mind. I think it would be cool if they were chasing each other. So it starts out in Milla’s mind, and she’s just singing her heart out but she’s just too good at levitating and Sasha cannot keep up with her. They both have points of just barely being close enough but momentum is just a bit stronger, fate’s just a little bit stronger.

And then during the transition where it would be Sasha’s turn to sing, he’s given up on trying to keep up and just leaves back to his own mind. Milla obviously follows after, she’s chasing now. But despite his mind being a large cube with tons of empty space the entire time it’s unfolding and refolding back as both for Sasha to move around and Milla to stumble over her own obstacles. I also want the idea of the appearing/disappearing trapdoor from PN1 to be an element during where Sasha keeps suddenly disappearing through spaces that you wouldn’t immediately identify as doors. It would also coincide with the verse “and there are some doors that we can’t walk through” emphasis on the we specifically(because I like literalism). Milla’s good with levitation but with what’s effectively teleportation she’s struggling to keep up.

Of course the repeated line of “(what if we/no one can) rewrite the stars” is accompanied but different but similar visuals depending on the mind. Milla’s has spinning lights from the disco balls, and the geometric/math like designs in the sky in Sasha’s that I interpreted as constellations is of course, the stars.

Also the line “I want to fly with you / I want to fall with you.” I have no thoughts. It’s just them, I don’t really have to explain that. I’m just pointing it out.

The final part of the song where both voices come in for an overlapping duet would be cool if the aesthetics of both of their minds somehow combined. I don’t know how. It might even be a nightmare to design, but it would be interesting and like a blending of their ideas and persons into this new destiny they’ve created. But nonetheless it should look beautiful. They’re finally in sync, being able to fly and fall together.

I just think the song fits them and their personalities. And there’s the irony that I’m pretty sure they were, in reality, designed for each other. That they “were the one they were might to find” so, cute, obviously. So, yeah, my thoughts on a song and a ship.

[pinkydude]

👋 Coming back

I talked about personal stuff a bit on my Twitter last year, but since I came back to Tumblr I feel like I should share it here too 🤏 especially since this is where it all happened and all

I'm not the type of guy to make long post (not anymore at least) but I've been thinking about it for the past days and I think that I won't be able to truly move on and enjoy my time back on Tumblr until I adress it here as well

There's A LOT of new faces around, assuming the majority of the active peeps don't know me 😳👋 (not complaining ghfhgf) so this will be a weird read, maybe? This isn't at all a "callout post", I won't name anyone or any situations in details, just -vague gesture- awknowledge things here and there, this is mainly about my experience (small TW for mention of su*cide)

I came back to Tumblr earlier this year after being away from public fandom spaces for ~a year (more or less) and I noticed that there was still "drama" (both light dramas and more serious harassment, using "drama" as a general term here) happening- and at first I didn't want to interact with any of it because it was hitting too close to home

I've been publicly harassed since mid 2021- and I know it's still happening, old dramas being digged up publicly sometimes- but the harassment back then wasn't anonym tho

Lowest point for me is when this fandom almost costed me my life, didn't know what to do, and ending up acting stupid in the middle of a panic attack- wouldn't be there if not for my close friends. That's when I realized that I needed to take a step back, to reconnect with what truly matter and to stop getting involved in things that were dragging my mental health down. Since then, I've been fully enjoying my and other's content again 😌

So when I came back and saw that the same people were still harassing (actively or passively) others? I wanted to say something, but I didn't really (left some comments, tags, sent some supportive DMs...)

Using this post to finally say- ayo, I've been there and the best advice I can say is, take a break 🤏 Take a break from the fandom when it becomes too overwhelming for X or Y reason. Small break, big break- whatever will work for you, but disconnect! Even if you think you're ok, it all pills up subconsciously (feeling burnout over Art, VP, Mods, starting to compare yourself to others, getting parano... those are all signs that you might want to back off a bit and spent time doing something else, ressource yourself!)

Also want to use this post to thanks all the people that were checking on me during that time away and to those who were still supporting my creations, it really gave me the strength to continue 🧡

Thanks also to everyone who came to "clear the air" since I came back! I know a big wave of new comers joined right as some drama was happening- and I get wanting to protect yourselves and blocking the persons mentionned in callouts! There is nothing wrong with protecting your space (don't let anyone tell you otherwise)

I met and connected with new people (something I thought would never happen again after everything) some of them I can now call good friends, and I'll forever be grateful for people who think for themselves and have their own opinions

Nothing happened, this post isn't a reply to anything/anyone or an attack or an attempt at "stirring shit up", I just needed to get it out, I guess? Needed to really close that door, and finally move on to enjoy Tumblr again. This is where I started and I still really like that place and how the fandom feels here 🤙 soyeh that's all HGFH thanks for reading

[waitmyturtles]

Alright, thoughts on Double Savage, episodes 5 and 6 (SPOILERS INCLUDED):

First off, @miscellar wrote THE POST(s) of the week (here and here) on where this show has gone and maybe will go. @miscellar, I LOVED HOW YOU PUT your second post: there’s a show-within-this-show. There are plot points about intergenerational trauma and patriarchy that are unfortunately getting swallowed by the script/direction/editing to push the thriller-aspect of what we’re getting. There’s dramaaahhhticalllly heightened emotional interactions about what’s happening on the ground, without enough exploration into why all of this shit is happening (HELLO, BENG.)

In other words, right now, this show is being hijacked by the director’s need to be all action-y, when in fact, this is still a show and a study into Big Family Trauma (BFT) that really needs to be worked out!

UNLESS -- what might be happening, as I was mentioning to friends watching the show earlier today -- is that that BFT is assumed to be known by the show’s majority Asian audience, thus allowing the crew of the show to skip through the emotional contemplation that *I* think I need to see a *leetle* more of to be convinced about where we’re headed. (I mentioned in previous reviews that I’m really touched by young Asians going on TikTok to process this show as compared to their own childhoods with difficult parents, and this is still ringing really true for me.) 

Unfortunately, with seeing the preview for how Rung comes back, I think we’re still gonna be on the drahma/action-y tip next week. I think the show has really sped through Win’s turn into hating Korn without enough examination or heartache on Win’s end -- I think we need more flashbacks or some current engagement with the loss of his brother (although I have some thoughts on that below for why this speed might be intentional). 

I hope the ship can right itself back up from that. (WTF, Rung’s parents -- I really feel for that plot point and I wish it hadn’t happened, because I believed Rung’s parents were two people who could have helped bring Korn back into the fold.) (Also, DEAR KORN, dude, I get you miss your family, but like, you’re showing up a LOT in sensi situations, and just like our dear Rung, maybe hold off for a sec, my man.) (But also, thanks for taking care of Li at the hospital.)

ALL THAT BEING SAID, I do very much agree with @miscellar that there are MANY elements to this show that will keep me watching.

To the Win point, about his speedy hatred for Korn: Win is now the “man of the house.” We see him engaging in typical patriarchal behavior with Li at the hospital (”you and Mom take care of Dad, I’ll handle the rest.”) We see him receiving 100% good compliments from his dad earlier about his work -- all while Win is actually struggling at work. 

Win is attempting to take on roles that I’d argue he’s not emotionally prepared for. I think, as well, we’ve gotten a really great spotlight into Li in the last two episodes that had me meditating on sibling roles and family systems that I want to unwind.

Both Li and Korn -- despite the pressures of their father for Li to hate Korn -- embody roles as older siblings, with Li protecting both brothers and Korn protecting Win (and, to a large extent, Li herself). 

Not to judge younger siblings (I am one myself) but we haven’t seen Win engage in a practice of “protecting” anyone through the unspoken roles of Asian family systems conduct. When he attempts to “protect” Rung -- Win is shooed off. 

The older sibling paradigm is really huge in Asian family systems, and I saw this being reflected in the way Li/Korn/Win’s mom spoke to Li right before the father collapsed. I saw Li’s mom looking at Li as if Li was an extension mother. This is super common for older siblings, ESPECIALLY ELDEST SISTERS, to basically be a second mother to the younger siblings. (I know that this happens in large traditional Christian families in America, but I’m not as expert on family systems in that space.) Li’s mom knew that Li was still trying to care for Korn as much as possible. 

We also saw that Li’s mom is in quite the denial about the reality of Korn ever coming back home. I will say as a parent myself, and asking my own folks about this -- there’s nothing more painful to a parent than seeing siblings fight. Li and Korn’s mom probably can’t live while thinking that the siblings are fighting -- but she also bears the weight of the impact of the cultural patriarchy that has hampered her family, and she may not even have the objective judgement to KNOW why her family has splintered. Li’s mom just wanting Korn home so the siblings could get along again -- that’s her center of how she’s viewing reality, and likely is either in denial of Beng’s lifelong impact, or actually unaware of it. To me, that part is based in strong reality.

So: Li and Korn have taken on their roles as protective older siblings, and Li right now is the most active link among everyone. (Toei really killed it these last two episodes.)

WIN, on the other hand, is stumbling along. AND, he’s suddenly got this HUUUUGE hatred for Korn. Like, WTF. 

What I THINK is happening here is a parallel of the patriarchy between Dad Beng and Win. Dad Beng and Win BOTH hate Korn now -- they say he’s a jinx, he should have never been born, he should go to jail. 

Dad Beng and Win both have extrasocial reasons why they hate Korn. Beng hates Korn because Korn was a jinx...during an economic recession.

Win hates Korn because Korn is a criminal? Okay, sure. Actually, Win’s extrasocial factor is jealousy. Win knows that Rung still loves Korn. And that jealousy -- the feeling of blame that Win has towards Korn for how Rung ended up as a fugitive -- is the factor that tipped Win over. 

Those extrasocial factors are the drivers to Beng and Win’s own misaligned reality towards Korn. Again, unfortunately, the script is not SITTING with this enough. It is definitely implied. But Win is off doing his CRAZY-ASS THING without catching himself, and at least at this point, being reprimanded at work clearly isn’t going to change him. Something big and emotional needs to happen to get him out of this. 

This ended up being long, but I’ll cite @miscellar‘s excellent second post again from today in TOTAL AGREEMENT that there’s a show-within-this-show that’s really worth watching, that’s rending my Asian heart, and that CAN BE CARRIED by the ridiculous acting talent of the cast. The show’s structure is not holding up this week to what this show CAN HOLD by way of depth. 

I’m hoping for the best. We’re gonna get a bitter Rung next week and I’m so here for it. I want to see a more complicated Win. Ohm/Korn is carrying this show -- I want to see the rest of the cast engaged again by the script. Let’s see. 

(COME ON NEW SIWAJ!!!!!!!, cc: @shortpplfedup, @bengiyo)

[wordsandrobots]

You mentioned a while ago a Gundam Eligos. I’d love to hear about your… process I suppose (how did you go about thinking it up, what influenced you decision to make it the Eligos, to arm it as you did etc.).

I mention it because I suddenly remembered a little while ago the existence of these two fake Ibo Gundam’s (I think that became popular around the second season) and I got curious on what your perspective would be on them, if any.

I apologise if you already mention this in one of your fanfics. I’m afraid Iron Blooded Orphans just isn’t really the sort of series I seek out fan fiction of (though if that ever changes, your stuff’ll be top of the list).

Oh, yeah, I quite like that fan-art (original links are these, I believe https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/60410296, https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/58286615?), though I feel the aesthetic skews away from IBO's baseline. Halphas in particular doesn't look right to me and I think that's because it's aping UC or 00 style 'suits too closely.

Anyway - no need to apologise; I get having things you don't seek fan fic out for, I'm the same. I'll note for the record that what I'm going to say contains spoilers but with one (highlighted) exception, they're broadly unimportant.

In total, I made up two Gundams, four pseudo-Gundams, and one adjacent 'new' mobile suit for Wishing on Space Hardware. If you'll indulge me, I'll go through the logic behind each of them in order of appearance.

The first Gundam is little more than a placeholder. I literally needed something to fit between Barbatos and Gusion in a line-up of frames for two characters to walk past. Due to misreading a wiki page, I originally labelled this Seere, which obviously is a Gundam that already exists, at the other end of the number sequence. But then I found this list which is easier to follow and renamed it Paimon (ASW-G-09). I described it as a scout model, slender and winged, which doesn't quite fit with the description of Paimon the demon. However, since that demon's rank is King, like Bael, describing it as similar sort of works. Clearly, my thought process on this one wasn't especially deep! The background I gave Paimon was that it had been in a private collector's war museum in a non-operational state. Some rich guy bought it from salvagers and put it on display. This seemed like a reasonable fate for a Gundam frame to have suffered and I used it later to bulk-out a list of extant frames.

The psuedo-Gundams are all copies of Flauros. Very easy! The idea behind them is that following The Incident, Gjallarhorn authorised an attempt to reproduce the Gundam frame with a view to better controlling the technology. A recovered Flauros was used as the template owing to the transformation mechanism, the Dainsleifs, and the fact that Shino very nearly killed Rustal Elion with it, which created a lot of shock-waves (it's a thread in my fics that this has as many long-term consequences as Barbatos' final rampage, while everyone kind of forgets about Gusion).

I hand-waved the difficulty of building new Gundam frames on the notion that 1) nobody ever tried before, 2) the problem of running two reactors in parallel gets solved over the course of the fics, and 3) the resulting 'Flauri' are technically inferior anyway, being less powerful and less resilient compared to a real Gundam frame (a fact that, as of writing, is about to become extremely important). All this said, the chief reason for making them Flauros-copies is thematic: this is a story where Shino narrowly survives and is taken prisoner. It's a big part of his arc that Gjallarhon takes everything uniquely 'his' and twists it for their own ends.

The Flauri start out as unpainted copies of Flauros' short cannon form, using Gjallarhorn railguns. F-4 remains more or less in this configuration throughout; F-3 switches out its guns for a laser cannon and an electro-harpoon weapon designed to disable enemy 'suits; F-2 is given the full original Flauros weaponry; and F-1 is refitted for melee combat with a set chainsaw/claw weapons in place of the stabiliser feet on the arms. Then, as the story progresses, F-2 gets outfitted the same as F-1, which in turn...well, that actually is a spoiler I don't want to share just yet! Point is, Gundam Flauros has a nicely 'neutral' design compared to a lot of the IBO 'suits, so it was very easy to picture how different weaponry would be bolted on. (Also, while Flauros becomes the template for the completed 'suits, development of the frame was based on an impounded Dantalion, so the idea of switchable equipment is there from the start.)

The long and short of this segment: I started with the thematic idea and thought about how far I could stretch it, following the logic I'd established in the story.

The 'new' mobile suit is another output of the above project: a Reginlaze-like frame that incorporates Flauros' transformation gimmick. The Leopard (named for Flauros the demon's common form) is basically an IBO equivalent of a Guncannon and sort of a joke that swings around to being serious. They were rolled out quickly as a way to shore up Gjallarhorn's relationships with the Earth blocs and Mars when there was a risk that the above Gundam-replication might be publicly exposed. As such, they've got a massively sub-par performance compared to actual Reginlazes. However, this doesn't stop a couple being stolen by terrorists and used for long-range sniping operations, or Gjallarhorn deploying their own, higher-spec models as fusiliers. The high-brow justification for this is as an illustration of more consequences of Tekkadan's actions, but honestly? I just thought mashing Flauros' design elements into a Reginlaze would work nicely.

And finally - to address your actual question! - Gundam Eligos.

OK, so, context: Eligos is not actually called Eligos for the majority of the story. It goes under the pseudonym 'Skoll', as in 'Hati and Skoll', the wolves who chase the sun and moon in Norse mythology. Being a 'moon-chaser' is a loaded double-meaning given that its pilot is one of the Tekkadan survivors. Likewise, due to who it is fighting for (a different terrorist group, apparently headed by a new 'Montag'), its modern appearance is patterned on the Grimgerde: red armour, swept-back fins, shields on its arms. That is principally why it has the armaments it does: shorter versions of the rare-metal blades built into the shields (which themselves flip around to reveal guns are the other end, because seriously, how many of those rifles did Mackie throw away?). It's also fitted with a booster pack for the majority of its appearances: big, triangular wings loaded with additional reactors to allow it to move incredibly fast compared even to normal Gundams. This thing is built for hit-and-run, designed to cut through enemy lines as swiftly as possible, because for a long time it's functionally the only mobile weapon this group has at their disposal. While it is later joined by 'Hati' (a Schwalbe Graze variant), that 'suit serves a very different purpose.

[To whit: Hati is equipped with the combination of a Dainsleif launcher with a beam-weapon, intended to negate the resistance effects of nano-laminate. The javelins it fires are hollow and filled with reflectors, creating a path for the beam. As you might imagine, this is a precision weapon to a frankly ridiculous degree, so Hati is functionally static while in operation. Ergo, Skoll has to handle any mobile suits in play while Hati targets enemy ships.]

The reason I'm starting with all this is because it's what came first. I made Skoll up before I picked which Gundam frame it was built around. I wanted a Grimgerde/Gundam hybrid that ran with Tekkadan's 'one man commando unit' concept. I decided it had been recovered with very little of its original armour intact, so its original identity was irrelevant in terms of what it could actually do.

However, obviously I couldn't leave it there! So: which to use?

I wanted a relatively low number, because the backstory I settled on was that this Gundam had been involved in the battle that left Barbatos (ASW-G-08) abandoned on Mars. Strictly, there was no reason to focus on the low-end of the sequence since I roped Flauros (ASW-G-64) into the same scenario, but it was a way to narrow things down. Another thing I used was association with the colour red (because Skoll is very much the 'rival' machine for these fics).

This led me to the page on that same roleplaying wiki I linked above for Eligos. Which is absolutely not an academically rigorous source. I spent a good fifteen minutes just now tracing the source for describing this demon as wearing a red coat (apparently it's from 'The Red Book of Appin' though I don't have the energy this morning to confirm the exact quote). Fortunately, it doesn't really matter because Crowley's edition of the Ars Goetia is sufficient to explain my final reasoning:

ELIGOS — The Fifteenth Spirit in Order is Eligos, a Great Duke, and appeareth in the form of a goodly Knight, carrying a Lance, an Ensign, and a Serpent. He discovereth hidden things, and knoweth things to come; and of Wars, and how the Soldiers will or shall meet. He causeth the Love of Lords and Great Persons. He governeth 60 Legions of Spirits. His Seal is this, etc.

I'm not wedded to the idea that the demonic descriptions need to be a one-to-one match for the machines or the pilots, but there's some fitting stuff here. First, it's 'goodly' as in 'handsome', which is beautifully ironic for a variety of reasons. Second, the lance. As I fleshed out what had happened to this frame, I realised I needed to have it use a spear or lance, because while I'd decided the katana was Barbatos's original weapon, the circumstances I was inventing required it to wield a longer weapon at a dramatic juncture. Therefore, that needed to come from another Gundam. And third, there were the references to knowing the future and matters pertaining to wars.

(Due diligence note: slightly more major spoilers for the fic follow)

.

.

.

This is what solidified the pick. You see, something I omitted from my description of Gjallarhorn's Gundam replication project is that the frames are only part of it. They also wanted the means to reproduce the piloting abilities Tekkadan showed. This led to the creation of the 'Alaya-Vijnana Type Zero', an AI model fed on battle data from people (Shino) who used the A-V. This enables the creation of new Type E systems sans the necessity of wiring dead people's brains into a mobile suit. As a concept, this met with mixed success but it's relevant here because the group operating Skoll got their hands on a copy of the specs and incorporated it into their Gundam alongside a standard A-V. This ramps up the information processing capacities of the system so it can very precisely identify incoming threats and respond accordingly, allowing someone with only a single whisker to operate at the level of someone with two or three. It becomes a 'sixth sense' for the pilot, which fits Eligos' realm of knowledge perfectly.

(And to confirm the obvious: yes, it's a Gundam Wing reference.)

With this established, I back-filled what Gundam Eligos (ASW-G-15) had been like. In appearance, it takes cues from 00's Gundam Zabanya, having an articulated 'cloak' of shield panels used to deflect incoming attacks and let it muscle in close to its target. Its primary weapon was designed for skewering and it would probably have had beefed-up thrusters to enable this mode of combat. For its original incarnation, the connection to 'knowledge of wars' is that its pilot was strategist for Gjallarhorn's Mars contingent.

To summarise the finalised backstory: Barbatos, Eligos and Flauros were deployed to the Chryse Planitia to combat a squadron of Hashmals, but the mobile armours split up, forcing the Gundams to do the same. Flauros ended up using its Dainsleifs at very close range, burying itself along with the Hashmal that would later reactivate thanks to Iok. Barbatos and Eligos fought the remainder but were overwhelmed. In a last-ditch effort, Barbatos used Eligos' abandoned lance to puncture the Ahab reactors on one of the Hashmals. The resulting gravitational upset blew Barbatos into the middle of the desert and ripped the armours to bits. Eligos was caught in the blast and crushed by the wreckage, the frame left repairable but its equipment written off.

And to summarise the answer to your question: there you have it. A mix of ideas that I then matched to the entry in the Ars Goetia I felt fitted best with where I was going. I'm both a 'what would be cool' or a 'what serves the plot best' writer when it comes to creating stuff for fanfic/fanart, but I do like to work through a justification for whatever I invent, even if it doesn't get much focus.

Thanks for asking! I know I've rambled on a lot, but that's simply because it was fun to collate my reasoning in one place.

[Addendum: There is one additional 'new; 'suit I included (past obvious things like Shidens using the two-horned alternate mask from the options set and that one random Hloekk with forklifts for arms), which is the J-class Reginlaze, a high-mobility variant that's basically a normal Reginlaze with Julia-style wing-thrusters on its shoulders. This is mainly by 'rule of cool' logic: overall, I have been trying to resist throwing in new 'suits at every opportunity because I really enjoy IBO not doing that. But sometimes, the urge to be self-indulgent is hard to fight!]

[whatudottu]

You know I’m starting to fixate on something where I actually care enough about it to ramble something something- so let’s give it up for NSR! *tiny applause of me doing whatever the hell i want to do on this blog*

An odd thing for me though is that I’m specifically doing a whole character ramble and practically ONLY a character ramble so no biology stuff here (only slight astronomy). Please welcome to the stage, my scrimblo bimblo: DJ Subatomic Supernova!

As I once again shove aside my not only in-progress work but the ‘actually read to post’ work too, I’m here to spew words about my favourite egotistical space orb and not only am I going to do that, but also compare them to someone else of a unique mind. Because of both of their particular quirks about identity, self-importance, and ultimately expression of art, I like to think DJSS may share some grounds with Eve, perhaps enough to decently get along with each other if not even form a friendship.

If you’re one of my typical followers interested enough in reading this to get to here - the second paragraph UNDER the readmore - I will give a summary of the DJ and the Diva. DJ Subatomic Supernova, a space themed NSRtist with an ego so dense it can cause a singularity (which may or may not be an actual literal thing that has or did happen) and underappreciated ex-professor of university grade astronomy, strives to preserve their name and music to extend not only beyond their own time but for the future beyond humanity’s own existence in order to stave away fading into obscurity and truly becoming everlasting. In this battle of existential dread and their entire ‘Avatar of Earth’ schtick, we have a character who’s ego comes with a twist of not being selfish even though it is significantly self-centered, their motivations though using the medium of themselves being to create a legacy for humanity that will spread to the furthest reaches of the galaxy and back.

Eve meanwhile - real name Nadia - views the world in ways that seems only she can, seeing herself as the only one to understand the way she thinks and feeling so incredibly lonely in that fact - a realm of existentialism in of itself - especially since the one person that had begun the attempt had ended up losing thanks to his hair being set on fire. Expressing herself not only through her psy-dub music, Eve is an artist of multiple mediums from sound to visual, of sculpture, fashion, and paintings, many themes of her work centering on her personal experiences and insecurities, of eyes staring at her peculiarities and of turning those eyes against the viewer.

And what do you get when you cross an egotistical existentialist with a suffering surrealist? Maybe you get a little common ground to stand on. Perhaps not enough to satiate Eve’s personal desire to find like-minded brothers and sisters, perhaps not enough to bring Nova back down to Earth to appreciate the present for what it is. But perhaps enough that at least among coworkers, there’s even remotely enough broken ice to hold a conversation, perhaps enough that if in friendship, Eve may look towards the stars and Nova may look at the self of another.

Of course, this is not simply a character analysis based solely on canonical information, as it is now that I will elaborate (at least from the perspective of DJSS) with some headcanons of my own.

I’ve always been particularly an NSR lurker, not really doing much of actual engagement with the fandom but certainly sitting by the wayside and looking in. A thing that I have seen for folk’s take on a younger Nova is that they weren’t always a supernova one Bunkbed Junction away from going singularity- instead, they were a star. It’s always been one of the larger blue stars, but here I’d like to just go out and make it an O-Class main sequence star and be essentially a miniaturised equivalent; and when I say equivalent, I mean EQUIVALENT!

If you were an object head of maybe a G-Class main sequence star (the star itself significantly smaller than what it would actually be), you’d have on your head a miniature sun that would be a little portable and ultimately dimmer version of our very own Sol (or specifically if you had a G2-Class star which is more accurately our own sun). But if you had the misfortune of having an O-Class (O2-Class in this case for reference) star, with 800000 times the luminosity of the sun you’ve got a very VERY significant issue about just existing if you don’t wear something for the protection of literally anyone and anyTHING with eyes or cameras.

The ‘not yet named Nova’ Nova had to grow up early on wearing a super shaded helmet for the entire time they were star - already a thing one might be self-conscious about - up to and including the very moment they went supernova, another thing I must touch on. Depending on the size and general energy output of a particular celestial object - such as; a star - the point in time in which it collapses in on itself and, in the sake of stars, supernovas changes. And this particular case, let’s change a rather heard of saying for the sake of elaboration; the bigger you are, the faster you fall-

Not only was most of Nova’s early life spent hiding their star for the sake of other’s, anyone from astronomers themselves to any old star object head would say it was simply an inevitability that their star would collapse in on itself and become someone completely different, not a matter of if but when... and most certainly ‘young’ while it’s at it. Insecurities from being beheld a wonder to being seen as weird to even having adults already mourning their existence as a star, Nova may in fact turn to the stars above and retreat from the stars below in order to even begin to attempt to cope with their inevitable demise, embracing the existentialism and relying on their inherent knowledge of the astral sea to pursue a career in education. To teach people not to fear the end, the whatever theorised death of the universe, the collapsing of stars. To say that they shouldn’t be feared and shouldn’t be mourned just because they will change - and they will - and that the supernova that has been the subject of so much misplaced misery is in fact a dispersal of resources that can build to something much greater than the some of its parts.

And they are left unheard in the vast emptiness of space, of the classroom, of the home.

The inevitable happens, sparked early (far too early even for an O-Class) by a numeral amount of factors that would cause their world to spin, the light to bend, and an insurmountable level of stress and pain and misery and insecurity influenced supernova.

Too many lights and sounds and senses, DJ Subatomic Supernova particularly hates the design of Akusuka and Metro Division. Cast Tech, the district they hold Charter to, is low lit for a reason. Natura does not induce the swirling of senses, but DJSS has no particular interest in the gardens, for all the worth they put into Earth as a whole. And Dream Fever, something about the eyes that stare and the oddities that twist and turn.

Perhaps it is not their first choice to take in the work of Eve - of Nadia; the artist behind it all - it is not a reflection of their own story, nor does it reflect where they stand now. But there is meaning, meaning they can take in, take pieces of and relate them back to the past. The past that no longer exists, not if they have anything to say about it, not that they had any say in the first place. The artist Nadia, the diva Eve, the balance of the insecure and the expression. Reveling in the dual tones a much younger Nadia tried to hide (concealer rubbing off to reveal a hot pinkish red), the criticism of the viewer, to make the audience feel what had been felt constantly not entirely that long ago. A desperate plea to find someone that will listen, someone that will understand, someone that will hold their memory and share their story ad nauseam.

Perhaps there is something to share solace in, knowing that back on Earth there was another like Nova themselves seeking to engage to the world beyond them.

Though for different reasons, perhaps the two find even a slight solidarity with each other, whether friends or simple coworkers.