#especially cause some of them looked (havent actually read them) like they were trying really hard to be historically accurate??

[professorxsmokesweed]

anyone else notice we have an odd amount of historical aus for cherik

[wolfstardaughter-jj]

DENSE

Summary: Yule Ball is right around the corner and you still haven't found a date. Or at least decided on asking someone as a date. But your heart is set on a certain redhead who just isn't taking a hint and is as dense as a rock.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Song: Must be Love by Laufey

Warning: fluff, anxiety rant (reader stressed with school)

Word count: 4.8k+

A/n: honestly I started this around February this year and forgot about it... yeah that bad. I wanted to get it out of my system since it's been there for a while. This was actually meant to be part of my serendipity book but i still havent written the other chapters but I really like this chapter. Either way I hope you lovelies will enjoy it, Happy holidays<3333

~~~~~~~

Everyone was ecstatic from the announcement of the Yule ball. It was the first ever dance they were to have at the school and everyone was already starting off their plans on what to wear and who to go with. With the Triwizard tournament at hand, you were glad there was something to take your mind off the stress.

Training and helping Harry through all of the practices were starting to wear you out.

At the moment, all of you were in the Great hall simply studying. You were nearly done with your assessment when from the corner of your eye, you spot Fred throwing a piece of paper towards his younger brother.

Ron raised his head up in annoyance, wondering why his brother would want to disturb him. He opened the ball of crumpled paper and read the words "you better get a move on or else there won't be any girl to ask to be your date." Or something like that, he only skimmed through it.

Ron gave Fred an annoyed stare, "Who are you going to the Yule ball with then?"

Fred crossed his arms and sent Ron a smirk, "Well, I still have to ask them. I’m thinking on doing it really soon,"

Your ears prick up at his words. He's planning on asking someone else to the ball? Of course he'd be going with someone but you had always hoped it would be you.

Your heart sank at the mere thought he was going to ask someone else to the Yule ball.

Ron looked surprised, he thought that Fred had already asked you but he was wrong. He looked towards you, seeing you leaned over your assessment, looking like you didn't care to pay mind to what he and Fred were talking about. But in truth, you did care, you cared a whole lot.

"How about you Y/n? Who are you going with? Lots of guys have been asking you lately, it shouldn't be too hard to choose one." Ron asked, not knowing that this was sparking a little jealousy in Fred.

You looked up from your paper and looked at Ron. You saw the worried glances Harry and Hermione were sending your way.

"I won't tell you cause it's a surprise." You whispered back with a wink before looking back down on your activity.

Fred tensed up at your words, it sounds like you already accepted to be someone’s date. He didn't want to pry on who it was in case he might get his heart even more broken, but of course, curiosity got the best of him.

"Really? Why am I only hearing of this now?" Fred asked.

"Well technically they haven't asked me yet so I'm going to ask them instead." You replied courtly.

Fred seemed perplexed. They haven't asked her to the ball yet? What an idiot. Oh god wait, is she planning on asking that Beauxbatons girl? No she wouldn't, she would have told me.

"...so who's the lucky girl- or guy?" Fred stumbled on his words as he leaned in. He really wanted to know who it was, even if it was at the expense of his own feelings.

You look at him with a grin, trying to mask the slight nervous breakdown you were having within. It was ironic that he was asking about this especially since it was him you were talking about.

"I'm not telling you who it is, Freddie. Like I said, it's a surprise." You state as you finish up your assessment.

"Oh come on, you don't need to tell me their name. Maybe give me some clues? Like which school they're going to-"

You narrowed your eyes at him, knowing how stubborn he was going to be about this. "Well that would just narrow down your possible choices."

He started shaking your arm like a child asking their parents for a sweet in a sweet shop. "Come on, just tell me."

You shook your head and laughed at his dramatics. "Fred, you should finish up your activity."

"Hey, don't change the subject." Fred pointed out.

"You're not gonna do it till I tell you, huh?" You said with an unimpressed stare.

"Nope. Now can you at least tell me one thing?" He urged on.

You let out a sigh as you went deep in thought. Do you really want to help him in finding out who it is or leave him to his madness. You decided on the first choice. It wasn't like he was gonna figure out it's him.

"They're studying here at hogwarts."

"...Yeah, that totally narrows down the choices." Fred sighed. "Which house are they in?"

You chuckled, "like I'd tell you that. That would make it too obvious."

Hermione laughed from the other side. "Y/n, even if you say what house they're in, I don't think they'll be able to figure out who it is."

You thought about it for a second and realized she had a point. "Huh, you're right." You agreed with a chuckle.

"What's that supposed to mea- you know what, I don't wanna know. What I do wanna know is, who this person is." Fred was adamant at finding out who the mystery person was, and it was starting to make you nervous that he might actually figure it out.

He sat up once he found an alternative solution to his predicament. "Oh, I know, I'll name a bunch of people, and you tell me if they're the person. Okay?"

"What if I lied and said no even if they were the person I was going to ask to the ball?" You smirked, which was only returned with an unimpressed glare.

Fred was about to say something but decided against it. "I'll just do it anyways… is it Diggery."

You shook your head a no.

"Draco?"

You cringed at the thought, no offense to Draco. Besides you knew he had his eyes in a certain Gryffindor. "Godric no, he's already planning on going with someone else."

Both Harry"s and Fred's eyes seemed to widened at the statement, Harry seemed even more surprised.

They both yelled out in unison, "He is?!”

Snape went in to scold the two for their outburst. Removing 5 house points from each of them. Causing the surrounding students to send their glares towards the two.

“Yes he is! Now hush the both of you!” You scolded as you continued with your work.

“Right, I shouldn't get distracted… How about that Freya girl?" He spoke her name in doubt, scared that he might be right.

You chuckled at the mention of her name, "No, she's going with her girlfriend."

Fred's heart settled at the realization, abit shocked by the new information but he was delighted to have that thought settled in his mind. That means you weren't going to act on your childhood crush. But then the thought entered his mind that it meant you were planning on going with someone else, someone he wasn't aware of.

"How about… Neville?"

"Already going with someone."

"Dean?"

"He plans on asking someone else."

"Zabini?"

"Nice guy but no."

"Nott?"

"He's going stagg."

"I don't know why I'm even asking this but, how about Lee?"

You immediately shook your head a no.

Lee perked up from his seat at the mention of his name. "Huh? I heard my name, what's going on."

George leaned over and told Lee about the situation.

"Ohhh, I see." Lee chuckled, "this is going to be fun." He whispered back.

"Godric...well uh, is it Louis?" Fred guessed. At this point he didn't know who else could be the possible match.

"No. He is a good option but no." You simpered on, wondering where this conversation was going to take you.

"I give up on doing this, just answer my questions." Fred continued. "Do you talk to them everyday?"

The question seemed vague enough for him to not know who so it didn't hurt to answer him. “Yes,”

Fred went deep in thought, why did he even choose this question? "Who would you be talking to that I wouldn't know about...

You all chuckled to hear his words, he may seemed to be really observant when it came to you but completely oblivious at the same time.

"Oh wow Fred, you take note of who y/n talks to everyday?" George teased, though Fred didn't really see it that way.

"So what? I'm with her almost all the time, I would know who she'd be talking to." Fred explained.

"You aren't with her all the time. What about during class hours?" Hermione stated.

Fred looked dumbfounded, he didn't think of that.

Harry leaned over to you, making sure no one else heard him other than you, "I wonder how long it's going to take for him to realize it's him."

"Give it 2-3 business days." You replied with a chuckle.

Fred turned back to you with another question in mind. "What does their name start with?"

You shook your head with a chuckle. "I'm not going to answer that."

"Ugh, fine. Are they taller than you?"

You laughed at his question, "Yes." By a lot.

"That question doesn't even help. Lots of people are taller than Y/n." Harry commented earning a smack on the head from you. You caught Fred laugh at his joke which you used to your advantage.

You gasped and feigned an insulted look, "Okay, ouch. I was just thinking about telling you who it was but I changed my mind." You scooted away, with a false pout.

Fred laughed, trying to pull you back to him by pulling you by the waist. "I'm only joking, love."

You replied with an eye roll, trying to conceal the grin that slowly crept onto your lips.

You began packing your things before facing Fred again, "Seeing as you're not doing the activity, I'm going to go and spend the rest of the period outside."

“Oh come on, tell me who it is.” Fred stated with a pout as he theld onto your hand to keep you from leaving.

“Like I said before, no.” You replied with a teasing grin before grabbing the rest of your things.

You stood up from your seat and handed in your paper to Snape. He seemed to have been listening in on your conversation. He seemed to find your conversation quite amusing.

"If that Weasley boy doesn't ask you soon, I think it's better you accept Diggery's offer." He suggested in his usual monotone voice but there was this spark of interest in his eyes on the topic which surprised you.

“Professor Snape!” You laughed, surprised by this side of your professor.

“I'm just saying,” He simply shrugged before walking off with your work.

~~~~~~

The following day was hectic, more so than usual.

Most of the classes were finishing up their lessons so that during the holiday break you'd all be free from the burdens of school work. But it didnt help when they just piled more school work over the other to cram everything in one go.

Things seemed worse for you since you had decided to take up more classes this year. Not just that, but you somehow tangled yourself into becoming a some sort of charm fixer for the younger years whenever they'd mess up a spell.

And because Harry got himself stuck with being a triwizard champion for Hogwarts. You had to help him with spells and charms just so he could survive the challenges. You wouldn't be able to to live with yourself if anything were to happen to him under your watch.

As the holiday's were approaching, the only decent things about your schedule was the dance classes in between subjects. You had already learned how to waltz when you were a girl. Your parents weren't ones to host glamorous balls but your grandparents were. You had fond memories of your dance classes during your summers spent abroad. Twirling endlessly in studios till your head wouldn't stop spinning.

McGonagall appeared at the front of the hall and cleared her throat to call the attention of the crowd. "find your partners everyone, we will begin shortly."

Everyone began scattering across the room searching for their partners. You had the tendency to switch partners every now and then since the boys kept asking if you could show them the steps to the dance. You didn't mind, even if it meant getting your toes stepped on every now and again.

As you looked across the room, you wondered who you would be dancing with this time. Your own question was answered when your hand was suddenly grabbed and you were twirled around to be flush against someone's chest.

"Freddie!" You laughed, the wind was nearly knocked out of you from the sudden turn.

"You don't mind having this dance with me, do you love?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

You shook your head with a grin, "No, I don't mind at all."

Your hands were intertwined as your other hand rested on his shoulder and his hand grasped your waist. There was no tense atmosphere compared to the other boys who always seem to stray away from their confident selves when around you. But not Fred, no. He was always his true self around you.

The music began playing and echoed through the hall. Light footsteps pattered across the floor as people tried to find their footing. Some seemed to struggle more than others but that wasn't the case for you and Fred.

The two of you danced across the floor in sync. The two of you paid little mind to everything around you as you both were lost in your own world. Like your heart harmonised with the beat of his heart and that was the only rhythm you guys needed to dance.

"You've improved since the last time we've danced." You teased as you continued your steps.

Fred rolled his eyes at the memory of his poor attempt at trying to dance the waltz with you during one of your grandparents balls. He didn't exactly want to be there in the first place let alone dance a waltz he's never learned. But he didn't want to leave you there alone either. You wanted to dance, so he danced with you.

"Careful, I might step on one of your toes again." He taunted as he went along with your teasing.

You shook your head with a laugh. You had hoped that he would be your date for the ball. When he accompanied you to your grandparents' ball, it was like something out of a fairy tale. Though he stepped on your toes once or twice, it was all worth it. Especially when around the end, the two of you were left alone out in the gardens to stargaze the rest of the night.

Maybe, just maybe he would ask you to the ball.

Fred knew from your silence, you were stuck in thought. "You're still not going to tell me who it is?"

Your eyes snapped back to him, "Who?"

"The one you're taking to the ball." He replied almost in a whisper. At this point he wondered if he should still be asking about who it is. Is he really going to subject himself to this hurt?

Your eyes softened at his question. "Freddie..." you could tell him the truth. You could tell him that the guy you most desperately want to go to the ball with was him. But you were too scared to do so. Godric forbid you had any bravery left in you to tell him your true feelings.

You could casually ask him to the ball. Make nothing of it. To go as friends. But something in your gut told you that if you went together, things would be different. Things were different.

You weren't just little kids anymore. You were both at that stage in your life where love and relationships were the main focus of everyone's lives. If you screw up things with Fred, you'd probably spiral into a mess.

"You don't have to tell me. Just make sure to save me a dance, alright?" You could feel the defeat sink into his voice. But before you could do anything about it you were pulled away by another person to continue the waltz.

You caught a glimpse of Fred and you could feel your heart start breaking. You wanted to tell Fred but was it really worth the cost?

~~~~~~

It had been two days since Fred had questioned you about the mystery guy and you thought he just dropped the topic and forgot, but you were wrong.

Truth was, it was all he could think about. He didn't even try to ask you to go with him to the ball that day because he was scared he was going to get shot down.

And if you were being honest, he was all you could think about too. Not just on the fact that he was so adamant at knowing who the mystery person was, but also because he too had someone on his mind on who to ask for the ball.

If there was already someone he planned on asking, why even bother asking him to be your date to the ball? You felt hopeless and most of all, stupid for ever thinking you had a chance at asking Fred to the ball.

These thoughts consumed you to the point you didn't even want to try to sleep anymore. You just laid there on your bed, staring at the ceiling. Eventually you got hungry and tired of your own thoughts.

You got up from your bed and slowly crept away from the girl's dormitory, being careful not to wake anyone up, especially Stark. Godric knows how grumpy that cat gets when he gets woken up. You didn't currently have the map with you since it was with Harry but you didn't mind. You've basically engraved the school's layout in your mind.

You eventually reached the portrait and got out. It wasn't totally pitch black but it would help to have a little light help guide your way.

As you walked through the empty hallways, you couldn't help but think about all the things that were troubling you these last few days. I guess lots of things have been bothering you lately. You didn't exactly know where to start.

The thought that Harry was constantly being placed out into the line of danger and you not being able to help him is killing you. You have always been there to protect him and help him out but with the stupid Triwizard tournament rules getting in your way, you can't do anything about it.

Your stroll eventually led up to the kitchens, quickly grabbing a few snacks and bidding daisy and the other elves goodbye before going around the castle again. You missed these peaceful silences.

In all honesty you were suffocating from all of the school work and activities brought by the Triwizard tournament. You may not have been part of them but your professors seemed to have the impression that you were capable of handling lots of extra school tasks.

Like helping lead the class in dance classes in preparation for the Yule ball since you had experience in ball dancing. Assisting in charms classes in the lower years in your free time. Being a sort of ambassador for the foreign students seeing as you can speak French and russian. As if already having to deal with your normal studies and Quidditch wasn't enough.

You liked that they thought of you as a responsible student but you were juggling so many things that you rarely had the time for anything fun anymore. While your friends were off pranking, you were stuck helping second years undo charms that went wrong. While Kayla, Pansy and Mione were doing their usual "book club" sessions, you were busy helping Harry figure out how to do certain spells.

Your mind was so wrapped up in all your worrying that you didn't even realize that your footsteps led you to Monty. You grinned at the sight of the tree.

"Hello old friend." You greeted as you sat at the root of the tree.

You snacked on your food as you contemplated in silence. Though the tight feeling was still present in your chest, it felt comforting to be in a place that made you feel safe.

You leaned your head back on the tree and looked up at the star covered sky. You missed star-gazing. With all of the chaos, you haven't been able to star-gaze in a while.

Like a gush of fresh air passing you, you knew a presence was nearby. One that you were all too well familiar with.

You turned your head to look at him with a light grin. There he stood in his plaid pajamas and initial sweater.

"How come you always manage to find me?" You asked, tilting your head with a chuckle.

"I should be the one asking why you're always wandering off, in the middle of the night no less." Fred replied as he sat down next to you.

You both sat there quietly; looking up at the stars, mostly lost in thought. That was until Fred decided to break the silence.

"Why are you up so late? I know you don't usually sleep early but even 3 am is a stretch for you.” Fred stated as he pointed at his watch. ”What's on your mind, Carrington?"

A concerned look fell on your face, you didn't realize that much time passed already. You let out a sigh, you knew you were going to end up exhausted the next day.

"Honestly?" You inquired.

Fred nodded at you with sincerity, he had all his attention focused on you.

You sighed and suddenly the words just poured out of you, "it's just… so much is happening and I don't know how to deal with it all. I have to assist the younger years in charms, quidditch training, normal classes, foreign students and- il se passe trop de choses et j'ai l'impression que je vais pleurer et crier mais-" (too much is happening and i feel like I'm going to cry and scream but-). You paused, forgetting that Fred didn't know a lick of French.

"Fuck sorry, I didn't mean to do that." You apologized as you sunk your face into your hands.

"No, no, it's okay. Just keep going. I'll listen, even though I don't understand a single word of french. I'll be here to listen." He replied as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer to him.

You nodded as you continued on in your rant, the words were all coming out like a broken dam. "It's just that so much is going on and pour l'amour de la merde, you'd think they'd give a 4th year a break. I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down every minute but I won't let myself go because there's still so much meant to be done."

You haven't really told anyone about how stressed you've been feeling lately and it felt so great to actually tell someone. Fred nodded along as he listened to you. There was this look on his face, as though he hung on every word you said, regardless if it was in a foreign language.

"Oh darling, I'm so sorry you've been doing all that work. They should be paying you at this point. Is there anything I can do to lessen the load?" Fred asked as he brushed and stroked your hair.

You sighed and closed your eyes, "unfortunately, no."

He tilted his head, as if not believing what you said. “Are you absolutely sure? Cause you know me, I can give Minnie and Alby a piece of my mind.”

“Thanks for the offer but I'm sure I can handle it." You leaned your head on his shoulder in defeat.

"I know you can, but it doesn't mean you have to." He replied, rubbing his hand over your arm.

All these years, he's been by your side through it all. Through all the Voldemort nonsense, through the injuries, through the nightmares, everything.

"Freddie." You whispered.

"Yeah, love?" He replied.

"Thank you."

He faced you with this puzzled look, "For what?"

You gave him a simple shrug, thinking the answer was already obvious. "For just being there for me."

Fred's features softener and pulled you in closer to his side. "Anything for you, darling. You know that."

“I do…I hope you know the same applies to you.” You replied as you looked up at him.

“I do.” He nodded as he looked up at the stars. They were incredibly bright tonight, he wondered if you always wandered out here just to look at the stars to clear your head. That would explain why he would always find you here.

“When was the last time we went stargazing together?”

You grinned at the memory, “last summer when we went camping on the reserve.”

“We should do it again.” He replied, his eyes still glued to the stars.

You look at him with a cheek aching smile, “yeah, we should.” He may have meant the stars in the sky, but to you, it meant the freckles that were scattered across his cheeks like constellations. Those were the stars you were willing to spend endless nights studying.

“Can we just look at the stars while they're still out?” He laced his fingers between yours, gently rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“Okay.” You replied, snuggling yourself closer to Fred to get comfy as you looked up at the sky.

And that's what you both did till dawn came. The sky twisting in colors of peach and purple as the sun slowly rose over the grounds of Hogwarts. It was a quiet morning, and for once your mind was quiet too.

Maybe it had something to do with the boy whose shoulder you were resting your head on or the peaceful ambience the morning brought you. You didn't really care, you were happy and that was it.

You couldn't help but feel a sudden surge of confidence flow through you. It could have been your mind lacking sleep but everything that was holding you back from telling Fred about your feelings just flew out the window.

You wanted to tell him, and you wanted to tell him now.

You sat up and turned to Fred in a rushed motion. Your movements startled the boy but he was left waiting for whatever you were about to do.

“What's wrong, love?” He asked you, surprisingly not as sleepy as you expected him to be.

“Remember what I said about that person I was going to ask to the Yule ball?” You hesitated with your words. You weren't even sure if you were thinking straight. You prayed that whatever words formed in your head would be the right words to say to Fred.

Fred tensed at your words. He nodded slightly, hoping that the next words that would leave your mouth wouldn't hurt too much.

“Well…” You felt your throat go dry but you were already in too deep, you had to commit. “To tell you the truth, they're really really really dense. And honestly I don't even know why they would even want to go with me if the opportunity presented itself but-.”

Fred's forehead creased at your words, who wouldn't want to go with you to the ball? That would be like turning down the chance to enter heaven. “Why'd you think that, love? Anyone lucky enough to even be in your sights should be thanking God or whatever force for putting you on this earth.”

You felt your cheeks go bright red and your heart beat ten times faster. You weren't even sure if you could have controlled it with Fred's words just pouring out of his mouth like they just came to him naturally. He didn't even stop there. Once he started he couldn't stop.

“I mean look at you, I don't think I can think of anyone else in the whole entire world that could even come close to how perfect you are. I mean sure, you're basically a night owl with how little you sleep because you'd rather read than have a decent amount of sleep,”

You laughed at his little comment, shoving him slightly in the shoulder, but that didn't stop him from continuing his rant.

“You literally land in the hospital wing every week or so because you'd rather put yourself in harm's way than others. And you don’t even like sharing your cookies but you still do. You even ask your grandmother to send more cookies just so you can share more of them. All these things I just listed down are just more reasons why you’re perfect- and why I love you.” He let those words slip past his lips so quickly he barely even registered them. By the time he realized what he said he knew he couldn't take them back, nor did he want to.

“And yes, I love you… and not just in a friend way but the “I love you so much that if you're not around I can't breathe and the mere thought that you probably like someone else is killing me”... way.”

You were left speechless. You felt like a complete idiot at that moment. You both were fools from the start. How couldn't you have seen the signs?

He was the only one there for you when no one else was. That time you landed in the hospital wing after a full moon incident from helping your uncle moony, he was the one who stayed by your side all those nights.

When you got a cold after a snowball fight with the Weasley’s over the holidays, Fred visited you nearly everyday at the Manor to check on you before he too caught a cold. Then it was your turn to take care of him.

When you got detention from getting caught for a prank you pulled, Fred got himself detention so you wouldn't be alone.

Fred felt his chest tighten at the silence, you haven't said a thing in the last few seconds and it was terrifying. “I know you probably don't feel the same-”

Finally, you snapped out of your self inflicted scolding and reached over with one hand to keep you up and the other on Fred cheek. “My god you are dense.” with that, your lips crashed into his and suddenly everything fell into place.

All the years of pining. All the endless hours of you avoiding and hiding your feelings when all along, the both of you were just too scared of saying how you felt.

His hand slipped over to your cheek while his other hand gripped your waist. He couldn't even process his thoughts about what was happening. Was this actually real? Was this a dream? Was he even awake?

His thoughts were silenced when you pulled away just slightly to let out a small whisper, something that was meant for him and him alone, “I love you too.”

A grin grew on Fred's lips, going up ear to ear. It felt like hearing your favorite song for the first time. You loved him. He couldn't believe it. Fred pulled you in for another kiss but it was difficult from how he just couldn't stop smiling.

“Really?” He asked, his voice heavy with bliss and giddiness. It was like the whole world just lit up for him. He really couldn't believe it.

You let out a light laugh at the sight, “Yes, really.” Before placing a peck on his lips.

“Are you absolutely sure?” He asked again, this time with a smirk and his usual tone of arrogance. Sure he still couldn't fully wrap his head around the thought that you, the girl of his dreams, actually loved him back. But that still didn't stop him from teasing the living daylights out of you.

You pondered on the question further, knowing how Fred loved to play this game. Your silence only furthered the fun when Fred began to grow impatient. “On second thought…”

Fred let out a chuckle before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you up to his lap, “Nice try love. You've already said the words. You can't take them back.”

You rolled your eyes jokingly before facing him with a cheek aching grin, “oh no, what shall I ever do?” You replied with feigned fear before letting out another laugh.

Fred leaned over to your cheek, his nose barely grazing over the surface of your cheek. “How about I take you to the ball as…your boyfriend?”

You pulled away with a grin, "Are you sure?”

Fred looked off into the distance and tapped his finger over his chin, “Hmmm, you know on second thought-”

You let out a laugh before resting your hands at the back of his neck, “Nuh uh, you already said the words, Freddie. You can't take them back.” You repeated his words back to him with a smirk.

He pulled you in for another kiss to wipe away that smirk. But he then pulled away, just slightly, “You have my heart, love. I don't think I'll be able to take that back either.”

Feeling the blush rush up to your cheeks, you could only hide your flustered state in the crook of his neck. Now it was his turn to smirk.

“Don't get shy on me now, love.” Fred spoke as he hugged you tight. He thought that this was just too good to be true. He thought that maybe if he didn't hold on tight enough, all of this would cease to exist and reveal itself to be a dream.

You lifted your head out of the crook of his neck, only to feel the heat rush back to your cheeks. Seeing as the sun was rising up already, the blush was much more evident on your cheeks.

Fred looked at you with a soft smile, it was finally sinking in. He was finally yours, and you were finally his. And though the two of you may be dense, Godric knows Fred is never going to let you forget he loves you.

"I love you so much."

[dangerousstrawberryshark]

This is made for POC readers, I didn’t wanna post this to my actual account (I have a following but I get anxiety, so here u go)

You and Steve had arrived at the (ethinicity/country name) store, you had (ethnic meal) on mind, your mom had always made it and you loved it, so you thought you’d make her recipe for it.

Steve was horrified. Why? Because he felt so out of place, everyone here looked and acted like you, and he felt as if he was a dead patch of grass in a luscious field of green. He read the english lettering on the stores front. Only to see the foreign lettering under it. He looked to his left and looked at you, brushing his hand into yours signifying he wanted you to hold it. Once you held his hand he let out a breath of relief.

Upon entering, you knew that the people in the store wouldnt agree with you, a male, dating another man, especially because he was white but you really didnt care, you were strong, and steve was a fucking monster so you didnt realy mind the stares. you made your way down the aisles, steve staying very close to you, you really didnt know why he was acting so weird, but whatever.

You got to the fridges to grab some of the cold items and made you way to leave, but you stopped, you saw steve, looking puzzled as ever, staring at a packet of rice, the packet had a picture of the rice in an example meal, and was in (language).

“y/n…”

“yes stevie”

“this is rice right? or does that whole meal come in the packet?” he asked, it took you a minute to decide if he was joking around or if he was being serious but after a couple of seconds of steve staring at you and waiting for a response. you responded

“no baby, its just the rice, the meal youre looking at is like an example to show how you can enjoy the rice.”

it was common for your (ethincity)’s packaging to have example meals on them

steve nodded and continued walking through the store with you. You answered his questions, and kept note of the cute stares of confusion he had when looking at some items. Eventually you made it to the sweets isle, just as a little treat for the both of you. Steve’s eyes lit up at the sight of sweet delights on the packs in the aisle, he could see some chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavored things, you could see he wanted to get something, so you said

“here, pick something you think youd like and ill let you know if we should try it”

“aw have you tried all of these?”

“most of them yes, but there are some i havent tried”

“well… what about this one?”

steve pointed at a (sweet) packet, it had (ingredients) and looked really good, there was even a little kid in the picture on the packet smiling with it in their hand

“oh ive actually never tried this? yeah we should get it, it looks nice”

you got one packet to split in the car and you both made your way to the registers, you exchanged days with the cashier, smiling at them once you departed from the line, appreciating the comment said in (your language) about how much of a good catch you got with steve (you knew that)

“what did they say?

“oh they said (repeat what cashier said), which means “you did good with him, congrats” you smiled, which caused steve to also smile

“wait babe why were you acting so weird, like you were nervous to be in the store?”

“well, i felt out of place… heh, like when does some random white boy walk in there looking for things to buy, and also i was scared to see if people were going to look at us weirdly”

“babe… id kill them ‘a’… and ‘b’, youd squash them all, plus… you have me, dont feel like youre out of place when you enter a (ethnicity/country/race) store… and we need to do this again it was so cute seeing you confused and curious”

steve smiled in embarassment and went to open the sweet. as he opened it you both saw the (coating) start to appear in the packaging

you gasped and said

“ohhhh! i would always see (relative) eat this back home! we have to try it baby”

steve nodded and split the sweet in two, handing you one

“okay, 3… 2… 1…” steve counted down as you both tried it at the same time, steves eyes went wide for a second, it was definently different from american sweets, much richer, and it was so good, he looked at you and he saw you had a smile on your face as you chewed

“it reminds me of home” you smiled, steve smiled back as he looked at the rest of the sweets in the packet,

“you wanna eat the rest of these and then go home?” steve asked, you nodded and you both ate the sweets in harmony and eventually made your way back home

You couldnt wait to see steves reaction to the meal you were about to make for dinner tonight

I love it! I can already imagine Steve’s confused face.

[razzmothazz]

Any thoughts about the Mafuyu and Shizuku’s parallels?

wait hold on i actually never heard someone mention those before... is this a sign to catch up on mmj stories cause i dont feel like i know enough about the group yet especially shizuku to say anything but im interested where this came from now....

uhh again i dont actually know all that much about shizuku cause i mostly only read wxs/vbs/n25 stories since theyre my fave units but from what i know i guess i kinda get why people would want to compare these 2.. ?? maybe?

i mean they both r kinda afraid to stand up for themselves in a way? i can see similarities in that, and i know they both have a pretty significant influence on the other from the conversations i did see between them [tho mind you they were mostly just area conversations] with the way they support eachother in their own struggles, tho mafuyu obviously doesnt really show hers...

theyre both perceived as perfect as well, just in different ways, with mafuyu seemingly being a perfect student, a perfect, kind and intelligent child but we know what the real mafuyu is actually like.. clearly not perfect. and its similar with shizuku, her perfect looks makes everyone jealous because shes so gorgeous its unreal, but once you know her personality you know shes far from ideal, being described as quite the airhead. their actual, real personalities are the furthest thing from perfect obviously.

as an idol shizuku definetly feels the need to be perfect, which i think was even mentioned in the stories but again, havent read them yet so might be wrong on that, but i think its a pretty big thing when ur an idol... [i only read the main story a while back so i dont actually remember much from it] which is also the case with mafuyu, tho shizuku obviously is a way milder case.. but from what ive seen shizuku doesnt actually stick to the perfect facade she wishes to put on? at least, not to her friends but even in the latest event she seemed to be her quirky self, so i guess maybe either it wasnt actually an issue or she accepted herself

idk, i can see the similarities but to dive deeper i would definetly need to read some stories which i dont rlly have time for rn, very interesting pair tho!! i think their friendship is very cute :3

ill try to come back with some thoughts on it when i get some ideas after i check out the stories, idk when ill have time for that tho

[fictionkinfessions]

I wonder if my Collei is out there. If she remembers me. The times I'd talk to her during her treatments (trying my best to tame that bad residue batch Barnabas gave- Which he wasnt even supposed to give her before my personal evaluation of her wellbeing. Uhg.)

I wonder if she remembers me letting her escape, or the bag of supplies I even prepared for her right outside. The stories I told her of old patients and my old elezar studies.. She did always seem to be listening, even if she never talked back.

I am sorry for your living conditions, Collei. I know you dont see weight in those words, especially if the Collei's reading this arent my own. You never should have been used for any experiments, mine or my underlings. You should have only gotten the elezar treatments, your condition upon reaching snezhnaya was so terrible I was furious learning you had gotten residue. And even more furious when seeing how volitile the batch you got was. Granted I cant say your living conditions would have been better if you were treated properly, I didnt have the best holding rooms for any experiments or patients. (and yes I will partially blame Pantalone's budget, though admitedly my Prime Body was so far gone I didnt think about patient comfort most of the time by this point..)

Im still surprised despite all of that, you managed to survive. Given the state you were in upon arrival I thought you would be dead for sure. But you're such a tough kid. And well- Okay I will brag a bit, my elezar treatments are very good. Despite their painful side effects. I was still working on that-

Im sorry Im rambling- And I really doubt any Collei has read this far- And if one of you has, please do not read this as me expecting forgiveness, or for you to like me in the slightest. The things you were roped into were far worse than you ever should have had, and Im still upset that Barnabas acted on his own like that. (His given job was simply to collect some willing Elezar patients. As working on treatments for it had become a passtime of mine. His residue experiments were only supposed to go to patients I directly approved of. And he ignored all of my instructions.)

I just hope you have SOME slightly positive memories. Again of my stories, the small bits of kindness my badly calibrated clone caused to shine through. I think about those times more than I'd like to. It fills me with too much guilt. Reminds me of what I was like before the Akademiya and Fatui drove me too far. It makes me scared to share these mems. I'm terrified typing this right now actually. I'm so prepared for people to attack me despite my wishes or the blogs rules for decency. To accuse me of "erasing Dottore's cruelty" or "expecting forgiveness from all Collei kins" even though I've directly said I'm not expecting that.

I just hope my Collei remembers those moments. They can feel however they please about me, I don't care, I'll never look for them, I don't look for anyone. I just don't want to be the only one who has to remember these events.

Maybe my Collei would like to hear that these memories of kindness haunt me. Maybe they want to know that I'm suffering from knowing how much better I could have been in that life if events had played out a bit differently.

It wouldn't surprise me if the average Collei kin wished for nothing but pain for me, anyway, memories of me or not. (not intended to make you pity me I promise. Im just used to how much the community despises me)

~Il Dottore 🕯♟

P.S. If you're thinking of sending a negative response to me (No matter who you may be), don't bother. There's nothing you can say to me that the community or my brain havent already said before. Don't waste your time. I garuntee you, I already know.

'

[victoria1676]

Okay I just remembered that the reader had decided not to destroy sumeru and snezhnaya but the real reason they didn't destroy sumeru is because they saw how their archon looked like a child and you can't tell me they thought 'This child's canna be the true reason this nations gonna downfall so there no point lmao' but it could also be because they never really attacked them and maybe assisted the reader because their are healer there but also their archon represents wisdom lol so they wouldn't be as blind anyway I'll be back to give you more art and just chat lol anyway see ya.

-Anon Crow ✌️

Notice: This is all for fun and mostly something you dont need to take serious in the game as these are just my opinions and thoughts that I try my besg to make people understand despite it might not be able to understand properly the way I try to show it TwT

Actually the reason why I picked Sumeru and Snezhnaya is that:

Sumeru:

Since its coming out next month I will be busy exploring and reading the lore alot so that I can understand the plot of that region and trying to understand all the Sumeru characters properly without butuchering or making the character OOC. The dendro archon is like so far obviously the god of wisdom and despite their small form they are very much someone we do not underestimate if people like read or why the Dendro archon is a small child XD

But anyways back to the topic.

Like i mentioned the Dendro Archon despite being youngest of the seven being 500 years old if I am correct remembering Ganyu's dialogue where she mentioned about the dendro archon and yes again they are the God of Wisdom so for me I am sure they would be aware something is wrong with the creator that suddenly appeared and acting like a tyrant. Espeically like despite they are mentioned to be a kid we cant underestimate them XD

Hopefully around 3.0 we can get more lore of her and lore of Sumeru because im dying to know their lore including Fontaine!! 😭💕👌

Snezhnaya:

I find like considering that is basically where all the Fatui are gonna be appearing a lot and the Tsaritsa so far me is like someone who worship the creator in her own way but never a harder core type like Zhongli, Venti and Ei. She feels like someone who cares about the creator but is more focused on her plan.

(Yeah so far im still trying to get the right description of Tsaritsa without making her OOC TwT forgive meeee)

But like both she and her harbingers have their own goals and I think some harbingers i find would not be a worshipping type unlike Childe who already is exposed being a vessel and someone who will do anything be the creator's side.

Meanwhile I still have to search more info of the harbingers as majority some of their lores were mentioned by charas, books and artifacts of them.

La Signora for me is the one who would despise the creator but always like questions them on why didnt they save her beloved and why is her body (and possibly her soul) now confined into a daily torture of boss fighting domain.

Scaramouche for me feels like someone who hates the creator for making him go through a hard and harsh life especially taking away his friend away. It would take time for him to like get around okay with reader.

But honestly these are just my thoughts since I havent done much re-reading lores since I am still waiting for Sumeru and also trying to get more primos to get Kazuha since i only have 4 or 3 days left to get him along with Heizou DX

These two inazuman anemo boys better come home cause i legit had to multitask my last summer assignments and farm more primos to get them before the banner ends. I could have also get Klee if my luck as a F2P is not very bad and cursed TwT

[cdroloisms]

Dream tried to stop Wil from creating L'Manburg, Phil tried to stop him from blowing it up, BOTH value people over items and builds, Phil has said that they're replaceable but people aren't, Dream traded spirit for his best friends fishes (we kno he's not someone to talk abt feelings:[) BOTH were kind and selfless but used by almost if not everyone, BOTH were ready to be THE VILLAINS if it meant everyone else could live better after. ONE of them always had someone there, ONE didn't. Intentional?

aaaa sorry for the really inconsistent posts ,, im gonna try to post a little more in the next few days. i have a few things written up, so look out for them? maybe? for now, have this *gestures vaguely* thing ,, it’s kinda a mess but *shrug*

phil is such a fun character, anon, especially for all the reasons that you mentioned in the ask!! he’s a really fun character with a lot of complexities that go (sadly) overlooked by a large portion of the fandom, but he’s super cool even tho i havent analyzed him too much. hope you enjoy (and i hope my interpretation of c!phil isnt too ooc lmao) 

tw: mentioned blood, injury, implied torture/abuse, starvation, trauma, mentioned death, prison arc/pandora’s vault

When Techno first brings Dream back from the prison, Phil doesn’t quite know what to think.

“I don’t trust him either,” Techno assures him, but there’s a flickering anger in the backs of his eyes, one that had emerged ever since he came back from the prison with the other man in his arms, and Phil knows his friend well enough to know that the words are empty in the face of the piglin hybrid’s particular brand of to-the-death loyalty. He shakes his head in reply, refusing to voice his thoughts for Techno’s sake, at least, but the look that the other slants at him suggests that he’s caught onto them all the same.

At first, the work is thankfully mindless; even if Phil has reservations on the man that Techno has more or less dumped into his house, he would hardly wish the clear suffering he’s been through on anyone. The first few days pass in a flurry of brewing potions, wrapping and rewrapping dressings, stitching up cuts and setting broken bones straight. The damage is extensive; Phil has to take more than a few breaks to just leave the house and breathe - he’s far from a stranger to blood and carnage, had received the title of ‘Angel of Death’ for a reason, but even he had never been particularly familiar with this form of cruelty. Torture was a level of violence that extended beyond what even he was willing to bestow - his hands may have caused many deaths, and the weight of each one would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life, but even those had the mercy of being a quick end. The wounds and scars that ripple over Dream’s skin, thin and stretched tightly over his bones with little muscle and fat left to cushion them, speak of horrors that were anything but merciful.

“I didn’t know they were capable of all of this,” Techno says, once, as they huddle of Dream, wringing towels in cold water to wipe his feverish skin. Techno’s hand reaches for the ribboning gold-filled scars that remain from the execution - carefully, Phil raises his hand to let his fingertips brush over them as well. “I mean, I knew he was dangerous and all, but-”

“I know, mate,” Phil looks back at Dream’s face, tight even in unconsciousness, at the darkened, hand-shaped bruises that remain around his throat, at the scar that runs over his left eye, clearly meant to mirror the same one that makes its way down the duck hybrid’s own face. “You said that Quackity and Sam were working together?”

“Yeah,” Techno’s expression darkens, eyes focused somewhere on the wall, seemingly very far away. He said that nothing happened to him in the prison, and he seemed relatively unharmed when Phil activated the stasis chamber, but ever since he came back, sometimes he’ll have moments, and Phil can’t help but - wonder. “Quackity does the dirty work, Sam gives him the way in and out, probably also the tools to do it. It’s-” he huffs a short, self-recriminating laugh. “It’s bad, Phil.”

“Mate-”

Techno shoots him a look, and Phil cringes, knowing already that he’d used the wrong tone. Even with the execution, Techno had been adamant to hide all traces of his own terror and fear away from him, masking it all with fury for Phil’s own sake. He knows, just from the way his old friend looks at the ribboning scars that remain sometimes, that he is far from as over the whole ordeal as he acts, but Techno never wants to talk and Phil never knows the right time to ask and they smooth it all behind plans and explosions and hope that the TNT can blow apart the trauma, too. He’s got a sneaking suspicion that the same thing is going to happen, here.

“As soon as we can,” Techno starts again, pointedly shifting his eyes away from Phil’s face, “we’re calling a Syndicate meeting to figure out what we’re going to do about the prison. Like- come on, man, you couldn’t make a more transparent abuse of institutional power if you tried, really-” he looks over, uncharacteristic uncertainty warring over his features. “If you think that’s good, I mean-“

“Of course, mate.” Phil’s voice softens. “Whenever you’re ready.”

‘Whenever he’s ready,’ as it turns out, is easier said than done, becoming even more evident when their charge wakes up from his days long spell of unconsciousness. The worst of his injuries have, under their careful care and the benefit of many potions, healed enough to no longer directly threaten his life, but the vast majority have quite some time to go before being healed completely. Being as the goal was torture and not death, most of his injuries weren’t made to be life-threatening, but rather to cause as much pain as possible - from the grimace that twists Dream’s face when he struggles to force himself awake, they’re doing their jobs.

“Hey, mate, slow down,” Phil murmurs, pressing the man down by his shoulder when Dream weakly tries to push himself up and off the bed, and his struggling only lasts for a few more minutes before he gives up and slumps against his pillow, eyes cracking open and seeming surprisingly lucid.

“Where-“ his voice is wrecked, and Phil reaches for the glass of water at the bedside as Dream coughs. “Where am I?”

“You’re at Techno’s house,” Dream’s eyes widen and then slip closed as he processes the information, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as they knit together. “We broke you out, after Techno escaped with a stasis chamber with your book. Do you remember?”

Dream gnaws on his bottom lip. “Um- yeah. I think.” His head turns as his eyes crack open again- “Techno-“

“He’s out, right now. He’ll be back in a bit.”

“Oh.” Dream falls back into the bed, strength seemingly sapped from the short conversation. His breathing stutters, then steadies. “Okay.”

Recovery is slow. Phil doesn’t actually find himself seeing the man very often; now that he doesn’t need around-the-clock care anymore, he’s moved back into his own house, letting Techno do most of the work when it comes to rehabilitating the escaped convict crashing at his house. As he begins to spend more of his time awake and aware, he brings a whole slew of new problems; Phil catches him screaming one day, blurting harsh, angry words as Techno reads, unbothered from the other side of the room, and he stops in his tracks standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Um-“ he winces when Dream curses, smashes something against the floor, and then curls into himself at the sound. Techno doesn’t even flinch. “Am I interrupting something?”

Dream stomps away, face flushed, arms wrapped around himself. Techno raises an eyebrow.

“You lookin’ for something, Phil?” he asks, and the unpleasant knot in Phil’s chest refuses to unwind.

The episodes, unfortunately, don’t seem to get much better. Though he’s rarely outright violent, Dream looks constantly murderous, usually muttering underneath his breath about something or another while he stalks the grounds of Techno’s house. It’s not too long before Techno sends him out to work around the house instead of just moping within the cottage, which also means that Phil sees him a lot more - tending to a small farm behind the house, feeding the dogs, hacking away at mobs, and usually complaining the entire time. It’s unnerving, even as injured and unarmored as the man is, to see him walking around like this; despite his rather pathetic appearance, swamped in sweaters that dwarf him thoroughly and thin enough to look like the slightest breeze will knock him over, his eyes are flinty and intelligent and bubble with promises of revenge.

“FUCK!” Phil turns to see him slamming a shovel into the snow, stomping away into the woods, and his hands tighten around his cup of tea. Next to him, Techno shrugs.

“Nerd’s got a few issues,” he drawls, and Phil laughs shortly.

“That seems like an understatement.”

“He’ll ease up in time,” Techno sounds surprisingly confident, completely content despite the muffled curses that come from the woods next to them. He’s probably used to it, with Chat and all, but Phil can’t quite seem to find the same calm.

“I just don’t know, mate,” Phil shakes his head. “You sure having him around is the best idea? He doesn’t seem...stable.”

Techno looks up at him over the rim of his cup of coffee. His head tilts, considering, but there’s a small smile on his face that tells Phil that Techno, inexplicably, doesn’t share the same sentiments. There was always a part of him that was, for the lack of a better word, softer than the rest of the server for his self-proclaimed rival, a sort of understanding that Phil could hardly hope (nor would really want to) understand.

“Don’t worry, Phil, if he tries anything I can always just tie him up in the attic or something,” Phil huffs a small laugh, amused, and nods to concede the point. “And- well, call it intuition. You could really try talkin’ to him, you know. He reminds me of you, sometimes.”

The words stick in his head despite his best efforts, rattling in his skull when he tries to sleep, lingering when he catches glimpses of the green-clothed man stalking around their properties. He can’t imagine what would’ve prompted his old friend to make the comparison, can’t think of a single thing (besides their affinity for the color green) that would mark him as similar to the - from what he’s heard - deranged menace with a particular penchant for destruction (not that his rants and fits of anger are doing anything to correct that impression). Even so, Techno had sounded so sure when he’d made the comparison, the words offhand like he’d thought them a million times before, like it was a simple observation that held no more weight than commenting on the color of the sky. Phil watches as Dream lugs a pile of logs behind him, huffing at one of Techno’s dogs that comes to chase and nip at his feet and grumbling loudly before faceplanting into the snow. He just...can’t see it.

Days later, Wilbur comes to visit, a grin on his lips as he dramatically recounts his newest exploit: a nation by Las Nevadas, a supposed safe haven away from the glitter and glory of Quackity’s city; it sounds brilliant, it sounds lovely, and more than anything it sounds stupid, and Phil tells him as such immediately.

“You’re being reckless,” he rants at his son, wings flaring outwards and only barely noticing Dream watching from the corner of his eye, “What are you doing- picking fights with Quackity? Starting another nation- didn’t you see what happened to the first two you made? You’re going to get yourself killed, Wil!”

“Well, I’ve already seen what’s on the other side of death, and it’s really not that bad-“

“You’re my son!” The words are angrier than Phil would’ve liked, and he knows that he looks ridiculous and overbearing, criticizing the actions of his fully grown son, but all he can see is Wilbur’s face, slack with pain and grief, stained with ash and soot as his eyes flutter to half-mast in the midst of the rubble of a country he loved and destroyed and destroyed him in turn. “I can’t lose you again, Wil!”

Wilbur doesn’t quite storm out, but it’s a near thing, leaving with a clipped goodbye and leaving Phil seething on his doorstep. He spends the rest of the night pacing around the house in a sort of mad frenzy, wings stretching and folding over and over. Not for the first time, he longs for the sky, to feel the air through his wings and let the world fall into pinpricks below him; it’s this that leads him to the roof of his house, staring stubbornly at the clouds as the sun sinks down to the horizon.

“Hey.”

Phil startles; there, down below him, is Dream. He rocks back on his heels, seeming awkward, before clambering up the wall (Phil rolls his eyes at the ease with which he scales it, the feeling in his chest almost fond) and settling himself on the shingles at Phil’s side.

“Hey, mate,” Phil shakes his head. The fondness leaves, and the irritation that had risen at Wilbur’s words, earlier, comes back full-force. “Sorry- Wil came to visit, we talked. I just needed some time to think.”

Dream hums in acknowledgement, and they fall into a comfortable silence, watching as the sun dipping down past the mountains in the distance.

“You know,” Dream starts, sudden, “I told him the same thing.” He looks up at Phil, eyes faraway with old memories. “Wilbur, I mean. When he made L’manburg- I told him he was being reckless.” He shrugs. “I guess he never listened.”

Phil pauses, Techno’s words ringing in his ears. He reminds me of you, sometimes.

Dream looks surprisingly normal up close - face no longer reddened with fever or pale from blood loss, even the scars fail to really take from the boyishness of his face. He bites his lips, eyes falling away at Phil’s scrutiny, golden blond hair flopping over his forehead, newly trimmed to be something a little closer to his old length, at least in the front, the back pulled into a small ponytail. He’s young, and shockingly awkward, teeth worrying his lip, hands fiddling with each other, shifting his weight from one foot to the other several times a minute. He looks like a kid.

“He never does,” Phil lets himself smile, watches as Dream smiles back, almost like they’re sharing a joke. He wonders how well he really knows the man behind the mask. “Want to come in for some tea?”

Dream smiles wider, and something old and worn in Phils chest, knocked loose ever since he felt his son fall limp in his arms with his own sword shoved between his ribs, falls back into place.

“That would be great,” Dream replies, the words almost hopeful, and they go inside.

[slutfor-fictionalmen]

hi hi! I hope this message isn’t too late or anything, since I only just seen the one you send me this morning! Also I accidentally deleted your messages while trying to reply 🤦‍♀️

But if it’s still alright, may I request an Armin Arlert x slightly thicker/chubby reader? just something soft and simple! maybe he’s noticed that the reader doesn’t eat very much anymore, and is skipping meals, and he confronts her about it, because he doesn’t want her getting sick or something happening. She obviously gets a little upset about it, and like, tells him she’s been having a hard week and has been super insecure lately. She just doesn’t like the way she looks, and Armin comforts her and stuff! All the love and cuddles! 🥰 I’m in need for this rn honestly 😭

I hope i did it right!! Things are more internalized due to my own self indulgence, i hope you like it!!

Tw: self harm(starving) 

Another day passed, and you hated being in the corps more and more, with the men objectifying you and the women with their fake smiles and judgemental looks, aside from Mikasa that is. You felt her hand on your shoulder, staring right back at them as you passed.

She was the only girl-friend you’ve ever had, which makes your bond with each other especially strong, she called you her therapy stuffed animal( in a good way) with how loving and kind you were when she came home to eren’s house. You were always there, you gave her her first jacket, you bear-hugged her when she was at her worst and missed her parents, you stood by her and never faltered. Even going as far as telling off Eren for being tactless to her feelings, poor boy has no social cues.

Eren loved you for how truly different you really are, despite being an only child, you were his sister, as much as a pain in the ass you are. But this called for you being apart of his and Mika’s friend group with no doubt. Being part of erens tight knit group of friends means you were automatically loved by eren, mika…. And armin.

You always had a fondness for the shy blonde, his all bark and no bite nature stole your heart. You met at a young age but only connected through Eren, he always tells you to thank him for that introduction despite your efforts to play off your crush being in vain. You loved how… pure he looked, how in a world full of death and violence, he could always bring light into your day with a smile or a story. No matter what you could count on his smile,you could count on him.

That’s why you hated today with a passion.

“We have extra food, which one of you dumbasses didn’t eat all your shit?” You sighed, walking away from the situation you caused. It wasn’t a good day, their comments bugged you today for some reason, and Armin wasn’t there to perk up the atmosphere of this gloomy day. Making it unreasonably difficult for you to focus on your own health today, this isn’t even the first time this has happened. It’s been a week of irregular meals, constant moving, and titan stress. It wasn’t like you were trying to starve, you just didn’t have the time.

And you didn’t notice till today.

“Lookin’ thinner, bunny… are you eating well?” You ignore eren’s concerned comment, pressing forward with the group in disturbed silence. This was the fifth comment today about your looks that you’ve gotten. You weren’t a small person, you had extra meat, and you had curves, paired with your adorable tiger stripes, but you know for a fact that starving this little would not affect your appearance that much. It irritated you, and you vowed to tell off the next person who said anything.

“Y/n can-“ “Oh my GOD, are you SERIOUS? I’ve been eating! I havent lost that much weight and i don’t want to hear your Perverted FUCKING Mouth say anything! It’s idiotic for you to continue to act like a jealous schoolgirl and make your ‘sly’ comments! So just Shut up!”

You finally open your eyes from your rant, regretful as your irises meet two bright blue eyes on a horrified face. “I was just going to ask if you can slow down and walk with me-“ Guilt floods your mind as you ear him squeak out his words. You lower your gaze and nod, moving to the back of the group with the boy. It didn’t matter how long this would be, you knew Levi would make you set up for camp soon.

“ ‘m sorry armin, you didn’t deserve that, I’m just-“ “Don’t apologize, you didn’t mean it to me but it was still valid. But never mind that, are you ok? Yes you haven’t been eating but you’ve been…. Cold lately..” You wanted to tell him, just say, ‘ I’m so in love with you that even a few days without your voice makes me angry as shit’ but you knew it wasn’t the right time…. And besides, would he even accept a girl like you?

“I’m fine, just stressed, tired, and overwhelmed…. It’s a lot you know?” Armin nods walking closer to you and letting your answer settle before your group sets up for camp and your pace continues to slow.

“You’re beautiful no matter what, I’ve read articles that said starving is actually terrible for your body, unintentional or not, it won’t end up good. If i have to,” He flushes, continuing to look ahead,” I’ll stay with you all day to make sure you’re eating and drinking water.” You freeze, feeling flushed as you watch him walk away and realize that he just offered to be around you all day just for you to be healthy.

You shake it off, keeping his words at the forefront of your mind before you get ready to retire for the night. You find a note on your blanket, asking you to meet armin at his tent with water and a blanket. Curious as to what it means you do as the note says, waiting at armin’s tent before he opens the zipper with a happy smile, welcoming you inside.

“You got the water?” You lift up the container, making him nod and turn away to a covered pile in his room. He takes the cover off, revealing the food he gathered for you two. “You didn’t eat again, so I didn’t either. And before you say anything, i got some of everything  so you have to eat SOMETHING! I told you all day didn’t I?” You look at him with teary eyes, your emotions of the week spilling out at his gesture.

Sobs wrack your body before he pulls you into his form, engulfing you in a warm hug. You feel him draw soothing circles on your back, rocking you and letting out slow shushes in attempts to calm your mind. You feel him kiss the top of your head and rubbing your back more before he pulls away and guides you to the setup of food.

He grabs you a plate of everything, making you sit and eat with him. You nibble at your food, uninterested in grossing out the guy you like by eating in front of him. But that only made him take your fork and feed you himself, he was determined for you to take care of yourself and love yourself as he loves you. You notice him watch you eat with admiration, happy to see you finally giving yourself some nourishment. You hear him sigh and hesitate, but you leave it untouched before he breaks the silence.

“You know…. I’ve loved you for years, ever since you punched out that kid who threatened me for speaking up, and how you always listened to me talk about the books I’ve read and things I’ve heard-“ “i know, i love you too armin.” “No not like that, I’m IN love with you, like i want to hold your hands, kiss you everywhere, curl into you at night, i want to love you.” You stop mid chew, maintaining eye contact as you swallow and stare at him.

“Are you serious?” “Yes.” “Like you’re not-“ “Y/n L/n I am completely and utterly in love with you.” You push the food aside, crawling between his legs and curling up onto his chest and wrapping your arms around his torso. “I love you so much it hurts armin. It hurt me so badly when you wouldn’t talk to me, i don’t know what i did but i was so mad that i pushed you away.”

Armin tilted your chin up, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before he grabbed onto your soft form with a passion. “I’ll never do that again, I’m so sorry beautiful.” You hold onto him tighter pressing your ear to his chest to hear his heartbeat. “You really think I’m beautiful?”

He pulls away, reaching over you to grab your blanket…. Man he really plans things out, before he wraps it around you both and presses a kiss to your temple. He lets his hands sink into your skin, loving how your soft skin feels on his fingertips. His lips pepper kisses on your neck, pulling slightly back to press a kiss onto your hairline. You loved how gentle he was with you, you already knew the answer to to your question before he even opened his mouth.

“More then you can ever know, my love.”

[mitts2002]

Aight’ Bet

Hi this is my first time posting on here so I hope whoever is reading this enjoys!! This is a noritoshi kamo x reader where the nori and (Y/N) need a little push from their wonderful Gojo sensei to finally confess~

"Dont you think (Y/N) and noritoshi would make the cutest couple!?" Gojo screamed over the phone to Utahime who sighed in response.

"I can't help but disagree Gojo, Noritoshi doesn't seem ready for a relationship plus is the only reason you rang me really to discuss our students non existent love lives?" Utahime retorted knowing that the couple would in fact be adorable yet refusing to accept that Gojo could actually be right about something.

"No Utahime! I bet if them two were able to spend a few hours together the tension would build up so high that one of them would burst and BAM a couple would be born" the blue eyed male replied, the volume of his voice increasing with each word trying to convince her that they were the highschool sweethearts the jujustu world needed.

“How could you even say that!? I get that its cute whenever they glance at each other and shy away with cute little blushing cheeks but i bet it would take more than a few hours for a whole relationship to-” “OH you bet“ Gojo interrupted an obvious smirk on his face knowing Utahime wouldn’t back down from his advances.

“you know what i meant idiot i wasn’t actually trying to make a bet with you especially after what happened last time” the black haired woman scoffed after hearing a chuckle through the phone.

“Aight’ bet! tomorrow ill bring my second years to kyoto for some training and then lets see if something happens between our precious students“ Gojo proposed excitedly as if he were a child in a sweet shop.

“you know what fine! and im only agreeing cause i know nothings gonna happen tomorrow between them i mean noritoshi is too stiff and (Y/N) always backs out last minute” utahime exclaimed not wanting to prove Gojo right. “GREAT! if i win then you will have to be my slave for 2 whole days and if you win ill be your-” “wait i never agreed to that!” “see ya tomorrow then!” Gojo had quickly rushed his farewells before hanging up relieved he avoided Utahime’s lecture.

"Alright class!" Gojo sensei yelled excitingly as he burst through the doors. This overgrown man child always had something new, it could never be a regular class where his students actually learn then were let out for a break. No Gojo Satorou had to be the most extra male on this earth and for the first time ever it worked in his second year student (Y/N)'s favour.

"What it is now?" Maki groaned with an annoyed expression on her face. No one could blame her though after all the blindfolded man put his beloved students through. "Don't be so sour maki! Be like me a sweet little mochi~ Oh and before I forget I wanted to let you all know that we will meeting with our lovely sister school for some training. Isnt that great!?" Gojo sensei had announced clapping his hands and smiling brightly.

'I wonder if training is all this is' (Y/N) thought to herself realising how sus this situation was before speaking out "wait Gojo sensei weren't we meant to learn a super secret technique today? You said that you were gonna show it us yesterday and that nothing could stop you" (Y/N) questioned as Inumaki gave a little "shake" for support.

"Well my dear (Y/N) something VERY important has come up and we must go to kyoto immediately. You have no right to deny and we will be leaving in 30 minutes so go grab whatever you kids need" Gojo sensei had practically sung before skipping out the door. What an odd man everyone collectively thought before getting up to grab whatever they needed.

30 minutes has passed and in that time panda had gathered his and maki's weapons while you and toge stocked up on cough medicine and basic medical equipment. The journey was short since Gojo had practically teleported you all there and all that was left was to approach the students.

A few figures from the distance were slowly coming into view and (Y/N) could vaguely make out that only utahime, miwa, mai, momo and noritoshi had attended this last minute joint training.

Despite the others reaching and gathering around your small group of second years giving their greetings the only thing your eyes could focus on was noritoshi’s thick black hair as it gently swayed in the breeze. Honestly it was as if the man was in a L'Oréal advert or something.

"(Y/N) stop staring we all know you both have this weird thing going on but we're here to train not flirt dumbass" Maki had whispered into your ear but little did she know that you were in fact here to flirt and not train due to a certain bet between two teachers.

“alright kids listen up! me and the wonderful Utahime sensei have set up this last minute training as its always good to train with new people and techniques. Everyone will be working in pairs“ Gojo announced before Utahime continued.

“The teams we decided on today will be Maki and Miwa, Momo and Imumaki, Panda and Mai then (Y/N) and Noritoshi. Eveyones free to do whatever they want in their sparring matches just don’t severely injure each other, me and Gojo will be watching over the matches and determine the winners“ Utahime informed all the students before they scurried off to in different spaced out areas.

"So Noritoshi how are you? Its been a while since we've last seen eachother" (Y/N) said trying not to let her nervousness show.

"I'm alright just studying and training to be honest. Although I recently started to practice cursive and can even write my own name now" he responded with pride and a small nice.

You laughed causing Noritoshi to cock his head to the side in confusion. "Is there something wrong with cursive?" His deep voice asked with clear offense.

"No no it's just that's so freaking cute and you look so happy about it too" (Y/N) teased with more laughter and ruffled his hair

"Oi don't touch my hair do you know how long it takes to do these wrap bang things?"

"Well how would I know I've never done them nori"

"Well one day I could teach you if you'd like" Noritoshi offered looking to the side trying to hide his red cheeks.

"Aww I'd love that I'm awful at doing hair to be honest so learning some new styles would be great but first we gotta get this dumb sparring match over and done with" (Y/N) moaned as she got into position.

_______________________________

An hour had flew by and the students were taking a break from their matches happily chatting away while the teachers spoke in private about their progress. “come on look at the way they look at eachother OH (Y/N) touched his shoulder SHES FLIRTIN-” “GOJO SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR SO DAMN LOUD” “sorry but loooook they in love” Gojo cried out with fake tears in his cerulean eyes

“Alright lets just observe look theyre going to the vending machine to get some drinks like FRIENDS DO“ Utahime emphasised on the friends worried she might lose and become this awful mans slave for 2 days.

_______________________________

“Nori im gonna go get a drink from the vending machine do you want one?” “Actually ill just come with you if you dont mind” “OH sure thats fine does anyone else want anything!?” (Y/N) yelled to the whole group receiving a choir of get me this please or get me that and the single tuna mayo.

The walk to the vending machine was quiet but a comfortable silence had fallen upon the pair. It was always like this when you were around Noritoshi Kamo. Peaceful. She didnt feel the need to go the extra mile to entertain him or ensure he wasn’t bored in your presence as your playful banter and sarcastic remarks towards one another was enough for the both of you. 

“(Y/N) is it me or have Gojo and Utahime sensei been staring at us more than the others?“ Noritoshi questioned unable to shake off the feeling of being watched. “Um i’m not too sure i havent been really paying attention to anything other than yo-“ Embarrasment washed over (Y/N) as the words flew out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

“Is that so?“ Nori smirked slightly as you swore you could drop dead right here in this moment. “No i just meant that” “Meant what?“ Noritoshi interrupted leaning closer as you fumbled through your words

“OH LOOK the vending machine is right there better get those drinks“ You quickly said and scrambled away before Noritoshi could get any closer.

“SEE Nori was too intimidating and (Y/N) ran off despite clearly wanting him! its never gonna happen today“ Utahime whispered to Gojo benhind the bushes as he shook his head. “Trust me i have faith in my wonderful (Y/N) I AINT RAISED NO BITCH“ He exclaimed in response while Utahime facepalmed.

The two young adults had collected all the drinks they needed and were ready to walk back to the group. ‘come on (Y/N) you’ve liked this man forever now and everyone knows he must like you back ITS NOW OR NEVER HOE’ (Y/N) screamed words of encouragement to herself before grabbing Noritoshi’s sleeve.

“Is everything alright (Y/N)?” “I have something ive been meaning to tell you Nori, I um like you a lot and i’d like to take you out if you dont mind” (Y/N) had practically yelled at the poor boy because of her stupid nerves and adrenaline.

The silence was broken by an angelic laughter coming from none other than Noritoshi Kamo. “Well i would’ve liked to be the one to take you out but i guess sometimes its alright for traditions and stereotypes to be broken by the younger generation” Nori responded as he walked closer to (Y/N) wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a sweet kiss. The kiss was messy and clearly new to the both but filled with much love and passion that was finally being expressed by the pair.

As their lips eventually pulled away never wanting this to end, heavy breaths filled the air and cheeks flushed but all that was interrupted by a white haired male clapping in the background screaming “YES I WIN” while the other teacher crouched to the ground tears in her eyes.

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Thank you for replying to my ask and having this blog! I didn't want to tell any detail about my ed I thought that would be very triggering for some people cause it's about losing and gaining weight and dieting so trigger warning!!

But I guess I have always had since high school disturbed body image because diet culture starts affecting you very early on.

In college when I have had depressive episodes one way to cope was restricting my eating and then when I lost the weight I gained when depressed I started to feel better and it was like this yo-yo ish many years.

But oh god last year I had so many things that caused me stress I was living in a survival mode the whole 2021 and maybe still am, and idk why I gained weight guickly maybe it was many things combined. Then when things were bad my bf left me and my friends didn't help me and I was left kinda alone and the only way to cope again was thinking of losing weight. So this is such a classic but my ed was the symptom of my hard life situation and way to cope with the anxiety and stress.

But restricting my eating didnt 'work 'like it used to in the past, I havent been able to lose the gained weight and so my energy and time is still focused on losing that weight even now when im my life situation has improved a bit.

I have talk about my issues with doctors and I feel they haven't been taking my symptoms seriously or have focused just on my depression and anxiety (which are caused by ed so this is a fun cycle). Yesterday I talked to a nutritionist for the first time since applying help and she just said what I already know that even tho ed is a mental health problem the only way to cure is by eating. And that I should stop thinking about losing weight cause that only worsens everything (yeah no shit). And that she can't help me cope with the anxiety it's the other healthcare system that should (have) do(ne) that.

The thing is I have triedddd so much this whole time to take care of my eating but if I had succeeded I wouldn't be having any problems with it still u know?

It's kinda ironic how much I know about ed without being able to do anything. First I need to fix my nutritional status I think that's where everyone starts. And after that maybe intuition eating. I need to learn dbt skill to cope with anxiety and depression. And stop stressing about everything everywhere qll the time. Buying new clothes that fit so looking at my too small clothes wouldn't be so triggering. I need to learn self compassion and find a therapist but they are in high demand so that's really hard. I need to find things that I like about myself and repeat those. But everytime when I fail at trying to fix my daily routine and fix my eating routine I think of it as a setback and its a cycle very hard to get off (I need to wake up early to eat breakfast and lunch early so I wouldn't be so hungry at evening and night cause then I can't sleep properly and then I sleep in and then I eat late and then im hungry at evening and night cause I don't wanna eat too much in the evening and then I sleep in cause my blood sugar is so low from not eating enough in the evening does this make any sense at all) and I think I have ibs from so much stress and I think that's actually the reason I have gained weight like I'm bloated all the time. And i dont have any support cause my depression/ ed made me also isolate from my friends and/or they kinda left me also so yeah. Ummmmm this became a lot longer than i thought. if you read this all thank you and also sorry for dumping all my problems here

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to this - my own life situation is kind of taking a toll on me rn, and I've been slow to respond to people. That will continue to be the case, most likely.

But I'm sorry you've found the system so unhelpful! I really think a competent nutritionist should at least be a little understanding of mental health problems, especially when a lot of people coming to them with additional health needs will probably be coping with a lot and might need a little empathy. I mean, yeah, that's not her main job, but healthcare requires a multipronged approach, especially since her "just eat" directive won't be helpful without someone assisting with the mental health aspect simultaneously. I mean, if she frequently works with ED clients she should know that - "just eat" is such an ineffective directive. I hope you find a therapist or a team of therapists that are capable of helping you.

My advice, though? Break it down for yourself. All of these things are a cycle that feed into one another, so making progress in ANY of these areas you struggle in is still progress. And if you let yourself focus on one thing at once, it might not seem so overwhelming. Also remember that everyone struggles with hard days/moments, so if you slip, it doesn't mean you've lost all your progress. It seems an all-or-nothing approach can be really self-defeating. I get it, though - that's definitely something I still find myself struggling with!

I really hope you find more social support! I don't know if you have any online support groups. I also hope it's okay that I published this ask - I tend to do it unless otherwise specified so that people on here don't feel alone in their struggles. I bet there have been lots of ED sufferers who struggled during the pandemic, who have been feeling a lot of overwhelm and who struggle with finding adequate support and on trying to accept their bodies as-is and who are triggered by things like buying new clothes. I'm wondering if anyone else would like to share their experiences.

[gullethead]

what is your opinion on tamsyn muir discourse (and also what is the discourse)

THANK you. okay warning for discussion of fictional sexual assault, real life CSA (not something she did), plus 2012-era homestuck fandom typical stuff

please rb this btw, unless you dont want to, in which case dont. also if you have any corrections or additional information to consider please add by all means

disclaimer: im not in the habit of writing essays defending whichever internet personalities i like. ill admit theres potential bias, given that i read the books before i learned about this, but im really being as objective as possible and i just think people are taking a misguided or half-formed stance on this. if you still dislike her or w/e after this thats, like, perfectly in your rights. im not defending an adult woman on the internet, im explaining the facts as ive seen them and understand them. additional disclaimer that i havent experienced sexual assault at all myself

okay so tamsyn muir is currently well-known as the author of the locked tomb trilogy (aka gideon the ninth and harrow the ninth), but for a certain section of tumblr shes also well known as urbanAnchorite, and used to be a big name fan on here up until around 2014 - pretty close to everything here is going to be from roughly 2011 through 2014, except for an interview im gonna get into, so 7-10 years ago. i was only vaguely aware of her until after i got into the locked tomb and saw people talking about this. with that in mind:

so the MAJORITY of the discourse revolves around a single fic she wrote on AO3. her account has 19 works in homestuck, and some of them are Kinda Weird to Pretty Bad in retrospect, but being completely honest this is the only one that isnt completely stock standard for homestuck fandom in that time period. like if we started casting stones about ten year old fandom stuff we'd be here all day

here is the fic (warning for CSA)

in most of the posts about it ive seen, theyve described it as a "rapefic," but actually reading it, it's a lot more nuanced than that description implies. its a dark story where a grown man abuses a girl, from the man's perspective, and the story ends with him being killed by her friend. the description of the assault is treated very seriously by the story and barely even touches on any actual sex, before immediately cutting to him being killed. its lolita if humbert got shot to death; the title itself comes FROM lolita

(sidenote - it was inspired by a prompt on kinkmeme, but that doesn't really mean anything vis a vis being intended for sexual enjoyment, and according to the note actually went against the spirit of the request)

ive seen fics, lots and lots of fics, that would qualify as the term "rapefic." it tends to be pretty fucking obvious when someone is using sexual assault as a fetish, and this is Not That

tamsyn herself actually responded to this in an excellent interview early last year. she gets into some Fandom Mom type language, but essentially says what i said above. in it, she also says this:

It’s not the first time I’ve been accused of being a paedophile. I grew up gay in the nineties. Homosexuality and paedophilia were enmeshed in society’s minds. When I came out, I got told that I shouldn’t be around children. I was used to that because it was common discourse, and it hurt like all hell, but it didn’t shock me. When I got called a paedophile by Twitter I got clotheslined. My support network had to get in pronto. I was very ready to have a hot date with a length of rope, a date I have arranged and cancelled multiple times over my life. I have had lots and lots of therapy over the years for various conditions, some of them lifelong and some not, but when that Twitter call-out happened it was hard to want to live. I thought I knew so intimately what I was doing with my fiction; my therapist was always so supportive of me writing about it. I have not been open about being a CSA survivor because, again, I grew up in the ‘90s. ‘Lesbian’ and ‘CSA survivor’ is just carte blanche so a whole queue of people can tell you, I HOPE ONE DAY, WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT, YOU CAN BE STRAIGHT. It was like, right this way to the invalidation booth. I didn’t even tell most of my girlfriends! I told one! It’s not a topic of discussion between me and my family; I am relying on them not reading my interviews so it can remain where it belongs: thoroughly undiscussed!

with this context it becomes... a lot more nuanced of a topic. an author who experienced CSA in addition to growing up in a cultural climate where gay people were pedophiles by default, especially growing up catholic in a rural community, wrote a work about childhood sexual assault (which also happened to be fanfiction) as a way of working through it for herself, which is... something a lot of artists do with their art? and in return she got a massive blowback on twitter accusing her of pedophilia and demanding she talk about a massively traumatic moment in her life

this is the major sticking point of the discourse, im not gonna get into anything else on this post, but this is my view of it. if you disagree or have anything to add then feel free to add on. again, i know what it looks like, but im not trying to uncritically defend a stranger just cause i like her book. this is the conclusion i came to after doing a lot of digging for myself

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I’d disagree with the anon that Paul was “incapable” of love, but I do agree he was very distanced, and pretty cruel (to women) when he was younger. (It was unfortunate they bought into the love at first sight myth, but he was also a charmer, and dropped affection and got colder after fucking them.)

But I just can’t see romantic interest on Paul’s end. I’m sure he loved John, but a lot of the “sexual/Romantic evidence” really can just be as construed as platonic love. I feel there may be some confirmation bias looking for “clues”. (Not an attack on anyone, but some of the analysises seem to try too hard, really).

He does make references, with the whole “calling him babe during concerts”, and “in bed” but that could just mean he’s not uncomfortable with coming off “gay”. He has a quote about it somewhere I think. He’s supportive of the community at any rate.

This is kind of my own bias, but at times I think he…plays it up a little during the present day? Again, I’m positive he did love John a lot, but with how he is, a charmer, good at manipulating his image, he knows there is a benefit to building up the “magical” Lennon McCartney dynamic. John’s dead, and the old conflicts have faded, so he has no reason not to. I don’t think he’s anti-social, or a psycho or anything, but he certainly does put a lot of thought into his image, especially now, with how he wants to leave his legacy.

I’m less knowledgeable about John, and the speculation about his mental illnesses, but on his end, I can certainly see it. Maybe he’s just blind, but the looks are very much…yeah. He does seem to rely Paul a lot, and hold him in very high regard (REGARDLESS of what those old male biographers might make of him). You just know he was suffering over Paul, poor bastard.

Not sure if anything happened. I think Paul knew though, and either ignored it, or was kind, knowing John wouldn’t act on it. OR he didn’t notice! With the whole “we shared beds A LOT. you would think he’d make a pass at me, darling~”

I guess that’s how I see it. I don’t really have strong feelings on the nature of their relationship, or want them to be “confirmed”, so I try to be as objective as possible! Not a shipper, but not a male biographer. In fact, I was very put off learning the ship was a thing at first! With every fan base “having to” ship the main male leads, that’s what I thought this was. But after three years, reading actual books, primary stuff, I’ve began to change my mind on its legitimacy, and this was my conclusion. But new information can always change!

(Sorry for the long long analysis, god! I just took my adderall and I should go eat! Feel free to block me for spam/harassment.)

Yeah, this is basically my big mclennon dilemma: did Paul love John?

Of course he loved him, but I mean did he harbour any homosexual feelings towards John - and I just go back and fourth on that a lot.

In my last response to an anon I wasn’t necessarily trying to argue that Paul was romantically/sexually attached to John, because all in all, I don’t believe he did - but it probably came off that way because I didn’t particularly like the way the anon had phrased some stuff (like calling him “a master manipulator” and “incapable of love”) and so I just sort of wanted to show that the relationship was more nuanced then just “john was simping for paul”. My overall point with that response was more so that whilst I think Paul struggles in showing real affection and emotions, I don’t think he was incapable of love prior to Linda. I think he did really love John (in whichever form of love you want to take it: romantically, platonically etc.)

And so my point I guess wasnt so much that Paul was always capable of love (because I think he did at least love his family, his close-friends, probably Jane etc.), but maybe more so that he was always capable of intimacy with another person, though he struggled with it.

But yeah, he was quite cruel to a lot of the girls he slept with in the 60s, but I wouldn’t say that suggests he was incapable of love (i know thats not what you’re saying but other people might interpret it through that lens) I would just say he was young, dumb, ridiculously rich and famous and not emotionally mature enough yet to really empathise with most of those girls. Not trying to completely excuse him, but like, i dunno, i always just try to view people from the most human perspective. Everyones an twat sometimes yknow

I also really struggle to see romance on Pauls behalf towards John - the only times I think “wait but maybe he did fancy john back” is when I read some of his lyrics (like in ‘Coming Up’, ‘Yvonne’s The One’, and to some extent ‘Here Today’ - though I think interpreting Here Today as strictly platonic love is still a valid interpretation). I mentioned this in a different post though, that analysing his lyrics just isnt particularly convincing for me, because it feels more like speculation - and also as someone who does write songs, I know that a lot of lyrics just arent as deep as we wish they were. It is really difficult to be truly introspective and honest in a song, without exaggerating or hyperbolising or fictionalising any autobiographical aspects.

I do see your point with Paul possibly playing up the “Lennon/McCartney m a g i c” - im not entirely sure how much I agree, but I do agree to some extent. I think he’s always been very image conscious, and being in what is probably the all-time most famous pop band definitely wouldve heightened that. Even as a teenager I think he’s always just had this natural charm about him, and that tends to stem I guess from a need to be liked; I think you can see it in every interview he’s ever done to be honest. Its not necessarily a bad thing, (because id take a charmer over a rude knobhead any day) but I guess it sort of just shows that Paul is flawed like everybody else. Also, just read @mothernatures-sons tags and I agree with her - Paul just knows when to be a nice person! Nothing wrong with that! It isnt manipulative like the last anon suggested, its just how most people are: polite :) Ive heard a lot of anecdotes from people who have worked with or met Paul and the majority of them say he was a just a nice guy. Not saying he was never an arsehole (cause yeah he was pretty cruel to those girls in the 60s) but I think overall, hes a pretty good guy 👍

On the other hand though, you could also say that superficial journalists are looking for superficial answers - and Paul knows what the people want to hear. But occasionally ill hear an interview that does seem more intimate then most - I havent listened to it in awhile, but the interview he did with Sean I remember felt more honest to me then most. And when he said he’d like to spend the day “in bed” with John, to me that felt like a genuine and fitting response. Because, whilst it has sexual connotations, it also just feels like he’s saying he’d just like to sit around, chat, dont chat, just whatever with John for a day. Like he would just like another moment of intimacy with him.

I think we are pretty much in agreement on most of this though! At first I was also like “nah, mclennon isnt real, teenage girls just love shipping guys!” (I am a teenaged girl and I can confirm this lol) but then it just sort of became apparent to me through reading more and more about their relationship that there probably was something more on Johns behalf. If John wasnt in love with Paul, then it feels as though a lot of things he said and did just dont add up (the big one for me is him marrying Yoko so soon after Paul married Linda - like I really cannot come up with a heterosexual explanation for that!)

But when it comes to Paul, though ill have moments of doubt, I dont think he was in love with John (homosexually) and I do think a lot of the evidence on Pauls behalf seems like a stretch (but like you, im not having a go at anyone, because I understand that it is easy to carried away, plus its fun - but realistically, most of Pauls evidence just is not convincing to me). He’s comfortable with his sexuality, and I really do try to respect that and not force a gay interpretation of quotes or songs from him, unless it is genuinely making me question his sexuality and mclennon.

PS dont worry, I didn’t take this is spam at all!! And also, I would never block someone just for disagreeing with me! I enjoy discussion and I think its good to engage with people who disagree with you! To be honest, id only block someone if they were purposely being a real arsehole <3

[tigerdrop]

Cringe is dead, talk to me about the funny half-life men and their relationship

okay here is my essay. it is titled These Guys Actually Like Each Other, and Gordon Freeman Is Just Kind Of A Dick*

(disclaimer: these are just my 2 cents. dont take me too seriously! im just some guy online who has watched this shit too many times.)

first things first. these guys actually like each other. this is a key aspect of their relationship. benrey, obviously and textually, digs gordon freeman - you dont flirt that heavily with guys you arent into, and so much of what he says and does is geared around making gordon crack up. thats pretty gay.

but the counterpart to this is that gordon freemans pretty fucking gay for benrey, too. you may say, “oh, but word of god says its not requited!” and to you i will say: bull shit. gordon is uniquely obsessed with benrey compared to all the other characters. if gordon didnt like the fucking guy, he wouldnt giggle with him and share in-jokes with him and bring him up every 5 seconds when benreys not around. thats concern, bro. thats worry. thats real shit

but i cant blame people for thinking that gordon freeman genuinely doesnt like benrey. benreys partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to him, the Arm Thing among them. and gordons very insistent afterward that he doesnt like benrey. he even goes so far as to try to kill benrey a couple times. to this, i must argue that gordon freeman is just kind of a dick.

lets talk facts here. canon. Lore. from the moment we hop into gordons shoes, we can see that he is a jerk to every npc on his way into black mesa. this is his default: a dude who just runs his mouth and says rude shit. he calls tommy a freak within 5 minutes of meeting him. he infantilizes the guy and barely considers him a real scientist. he doubts that bubby is a real name for like no fuckin reason. in “real life”, this is because its funny, and wayne is trying to make a funny half-life stream. in a textual sense, this is because gordon “hlvrai” freeman is a dick. this is the way he acts, consistently, throughout the series.

(brief aside: this is why the whole “gordon is a nice guy and a great dad” characterization baffles me. the way he actually acts in canon is, in short, bitchy and lacking in self-awareness. and i love that for him, i really do. it makes the moments where he just tries to be a nice guy stand out. but thats the thing: his intermittent moments of decency and kindness are not the whole of his personality! this dude kind of sucks most of the time!)

the way that gordons general asshole attitude extends to benrey is complicated. in fairness, benrey makes it his job to annoy the shit out of gordon as much as possible, and that warrants a negative attitude, but gordons pretty paranoid and ends up blaming benrey for nearly everything that happens to him, regardless of if its warranted. this is a pattern he exhibits both before and after the Arm Thing. its a little bit of a dick move! especially considering that, prior to the whole “betrayal” subplot (which was not exactly planned very far in advance), benrey is no more malicious or annoying than anybody else gordons having to travel with.

(okay, this is kind of a subjective evaluation, but still. my point stands that benrey is not any more of a hindrance to his progress than anybody else in the science crew, and neither is he particularly more violent or murderous. hell, gordon freeman has probably killed more guys than benrey. benrey just tends to get.......special treatment.)

all that said, i am still convinced that gordon really fucking likes benrey. please consider with me the following: it would be remarkably easy for gordon to just ignore him and do what he has to do, but he doesnt. he could stop engaging. he could stop thinking about benrey. he could stop bringing benrey up to the rest of the crew every time benrey leaves to do his own thing for awhile. but he doesnt. and, again, yeah, the extra-textual reason for this is “two guys are doing an improv comedy thing and bouncing off of scorpy is kind of the point”, but within the text it reads to me as gordon not being about to get the dude off his mind.

and this is in addition to all the times we see gordon being genuinely nice and receptive toward benrey! its in the little things: laughing the hardest and longest at benreys jokes. only ever reciprocating that stupid underwater “BBBBB” thing with benrey. trying to catch benrey when he falls, despite his insistence moments earlier that benrey should hop in the wack ass crystal generator and get hypermurdered. fondly remarking that benreys sweet voice sounds beautiful. his sort of flustered responses to most of benreys overt flirting. none of this is the way normal people react to a guy they hate. this is all fuckin gay to me, man.

its this combination of the outward insistence that gordon hates benrey with his inner eagerness to be around him and think about him and engage with him that gives off strong “repression” vibes, to me. for whatever reason - pride, embarrassment, resentment - gordon maintains a front of hating the guy and wanting to kill him for a lot of the series, but it doesnt gel with the way he fucking giggles and plays along half the time that benrey starts fucking with him. its a game, and that game is one of the only ways gordon knows to manifest affection for him.

(remember “oh my god, hes got a knife!”? that was the gayest shit i ever seen in my life. tittering like a schoolgirl while benrey chases him around like “im gonna get you haha”. insanity.)

the cool thing about repression is that you can have it manifest in a lot of ways! and this is where things like “headcanons” and “my own personal affection for repressed bisexual men” come in. a lot of how i characterize their relationship is an extrapolation of a lot of things like gordons canonical insecurity issues/anxiety, gordons whole anti-bootboy thing screaming “internet wokeboy who means well but probably has a lot of repressed baggage” to me, etc.

how do you get massive amounts of sexual repression out of what you see in canon, you might ask? well. if wayne would stop having gordon talking about being jerked off by the suit, or talking about chugging a 40-gal drum of potion and having to hold his piss, or worrying about being eaten by benrey the moment he sees benrey at setscale 10, maybe i would have a higher opinion of gordon “hlvrai” freeman and whatever latent psychosexual issues hes got going on. but here we are

i havent even touched yet upon how benrey feels about gordon. this one is helpfully made a little more plain by the fact that benrey very much wants to suck his dick in canon. (i dont even have to go into details. we all know.) but IMO the best part about this ship isnt just that they dig each other, but how. benrey gets overtly flirtatious in the second half of the series, but IMO his preferred method of flirting is just fucking with gordon: chasing him with knives, shoving him around in a bathroom, trying to get scans of his feet. but all in like a slapstick, giggly, fun-and-games sense, you know? at least when it works.

a lot of the time, though, it doesnt work out that way. he clearly just likes doing it whether or not gordon responds positively. which is, you know, Weird. not very nice. but also in line with the way everybody else treats gordon freeman. gordons kind of the universes chew toy in any given universe, and the same holds true here. hes kind of helpless......subjected to 4 demons attempting to make his life as difficult as possible. in a way its cathartic.

sorry. i got sidetracked. anyway, benrey very much likes to mess with him and unnerve him and demean him and i will be perfectly frank with you: that is hot. i have problems and illnesses and one of them is that i am a masochist who goes crazy for that kind of thing. calling gordon a “dirty lil boy” and telling him to “look at the mess [he] made” is some straight up kink scene shit.

i like to imagine that a lot of this behavior isnt caused just by the guy who played him wanting to be funny and antagonistic, but by benrey as a character not really understanding what constitutes “pushing a joke too far”. hes not human, and whatever he is doesnt have a very normative way of understanding the world around him, full of people who actually get hurt for real and die for real. benrey expresses what seems to be genuine surprise and distress after the Arm Thing, as if he didnt know that his actions would have serious consequences. and it doesnt seem to fully sink in afterward, either.

it reads a lot to me like hes used to video game rules and treating people around him like NPCs. if they get hurt, its no big deal, because its not real. he likes jamming random buttons on gordons interface and seeing what comes out. its probably a lot of fun for him, the same way that seeing a streamer or a youtuber suffer for our amusement is fun. its like, you know, in my opinion, gordons very cute when hes frazzled. hes also cute when hes laughing. pushing gordons buttons has a 50/50 chance of either of these things. and this is how he ultimately flirts with gordon: by pulling his pigtails.

but at the same time, benrey does legit care about gordon and knows some boundaries. benreys the one most often shooting at enemies to protect gordon, and he spent most of the last act trying to convince gordon to turn around and not fight him because they were friends (best friends, to be specific). he just lacks a lot of the emotional intelligence it would take to express the feeling of “he digs gordon and likes seeing his face get all red and sweaty regardless of the cause”. and gordon lacks the emotional intelligence it would take to express the fact that he doesnt know if he likes or hates benrey and hes scared as hell that its the former

because, lets be real. unironic benrey-liking is a sign of problems disorder. just look at all these words ive written about it.

can you imagine? this bizarrely powerful, non-human entity that can shrug off gunfire and grow to the size of a building has decided that youre his new plaything. benreys the bored guy booting up skyrim and fucking around in the console, and gordons the hapless favorite follower that hes taken a liking to. its a really fun dynamic IMO

after all this, its safe to say my title is a little misleading. the asterisk stands for * and So Is Benrey, Actually. they are both kind of awful dudes who thrive off of teasing each other and they deserve each other. and i am crazy about it. thank u for coming to my TED talk

[itsclydebitches]

God I'm so glad to talk about the game lmao. I also finished it! It was fine Ig I think the start of the game was so fantastic so my expectations were a bit much but it was fun! I loved playing as Ciri and just zapping all over the place, wish we could do that more.

But yeah I completely agree with you on basically everything that you said lmaooo, Yen is just unbareable the more I learn about her and the things shes done/the way she treats ppl, I just don't see what I'm meant to like, even if Geralt wasn't the Best person, he deserves so so much better, Idk how I'm gonna read the books if this romance is canon there too, hopefully it won't bother me too much. She so far doesn't really have any redeeming qualities, even her small moments of humour and wit are sort of "yeah okay but it's not fun when you do it cause you just spent the past few moments berating someone for daring to try and help you so like" I actually ended up sort of liking triss the more I talked with her and Yen, she at least apologises for her wrongs (which are still massive holy shit) and doesn't rly treat geralt like shit (same with Kiera, I think thats how her name is spelt, shes cool), they both kinda fuck over geralt but they own up to it which I can at least respect, still not a fan but they're okay, at times. God the women in this game are either really fucking cool or just a bitch, usually in a not fun way The game came with both dlcs! havent really touched them cause the ending was a bitttt of a let down, I thought I wasn't near finishing cause I put it off for so long lol so my bad, probably will get into them tho! And im on ps4 so no mods :( the exp shit would be so good, the last boss fights were really easy though? I think I was level 34 (I wanted to wear my good armour lol) and the quests are level 28 so maybe I was a bit over leveled but some random mobs in world beat my ass just before the main quests so idk lol. Do you get to hang with Ciri at all post game? They're so damn cute together

Out of curiosity which ending did you get? I was pretty satisfied overall (witcher!Ciri ending for me) but I remember thinking that the last couple of plot points were pretty rushed. Though tbh, looking back I’m not sure if that’s actually the case, or if things just felt fast to me because I missed so much buildup trying to keep track of the basics. Now that I know the characters, world, conflicts, etc. I keep coming across lines and details that make me go, “Oh, THAT’S what we were referring to!” for plot points that previously felt like they came out of nowhere.

Playing Ciri is so much fun though. I enjoy zapping around as well...even when I accidentally zap myself into some guy's sword XD

I’m constantly told Yen gets better in the books (something, something major character development) and I’d be lying if I said that “The Last Wish” didn’t turn me off, but I personally stopped reading due to more than just Yen. The epic just didn’t grab me. The short stories absolutely, but I didn’t like the writing as much in novel form, heard a lot about future plot points I had no interest in/made me very uncomfortable, didn’t want to read a bunch of Yen being Yen prior just to getting a development I may or may not like… there was a lot that made me drop the books, so I’m not exactly in the best position to be recommending them, or even warning against them from an unbiased perspective lol. I might give them another shot sometime, but for now I’m happy with the games and fandom content.

I’m liking Triss a lot more on my second playthrough too (especially how selfless she is regarding the other mages) and I always liked Keira. I think the game did a good job of making her kinda selfish and manipulative (as sorceresses are wont to be in this world), but not to such an extent that you’re utterly repulsed by her actions. Her conflict is “I want to not live in squalor the rest of my days and am willing to mislead a friend to achieve that. Also foolishly trust a mad king that, if I go through with it, ends in my horrific death.” With the resolution being like, “Oh, someone else will give me a place of safety with something as basic as clean bedding? Sweet! Yeah, now that I have some security, company, and comfort I’ll use this research to cure a plague, nbd.” Keira is a great example of TW3’s argument that if you choose to help and nurture people, good things will happen for everyone, and it doesn’t ask you to ignore anything really awful to get there. I can very much stomach “You kept some info from me and put me to sleep for the night” in a way that’s far harder to do with, “You actively misled me for months while I had amnesia, cultivating this fantasy relationship” or “You callously disregard another’s culture and torture our daughter’s friend through necromancy.”

Depending on the choices you’ve already made, you can hang out with Ciri for like, one cut scene in the DLCs lol. But it’s indeed a cute one! Basically, if you didn’t romance either Triss or Yen and Ciri is still alive, you should see her again. I’m absolutely that fan that if CDPR decided, after this many years, to randomly add more TW3 content, I would in no way be opposed. I want more time with Ciri, with Regis, there’s a character from the second game named Iorveth who was supposed to reappear in TW3 but had to be cut and that tragedy will forever haunt me. Forget the mess that is Cyberpunk, just keep making more Witcher content!

[latibulesims]

Hi Lati :) I'm a huge fan of The Rivers! I read in one of your responses to another ask that you record with FRAPS on a low-end laptop, but your videos always come out flawless! Whenever I try to record let's plays like this, I always come out with lag. May I ask for some of your tips for avoiding lag when recording? Thanks for all your amazing work :)

Hiii! I am so sorry I am just seeing this, I havent looked at my tumblr notifications in so long! I hope these tips can still help even though they're so late! But thank you so much 💖💖💖 I really appreciate it!

Tip #1. Keep the downloads folder small: For me, I feel like my game lags less the smaller my downloads folder is, so I make to sure to keep at least my gameplay folder small. A great tip ive been using to do this is to go into my game and delete swatches I dont care about. If you use pooklet recolors of hairs especially, you'll find that each hair color (Black, Brown, Blonde, Red, and Grey) usually come with 3+ swatches. So after downloading a bunch of hairstyles, I make sure to go into my game and keep 1 swatch from every hair color. That way, the game goes from 15 swatches of the same hair to just 5! It has helped me sooo much, without forcing me to abandon hairstyles that I like. The same with clothes: when a shirt, for example, would have 5-10 swatches, I make sure to keep just my 3-5 favorites! Does wonders.

Tip #2. Keep the sets simple: With filming, I've found that sets that are heavily packed with CC drop my FPS (which causes lags) way more than sets with simple CC - so i make sure not to go overboard. I know you asked as a lets play player, but just incase any machinima filmers are reading this, here's a trick i do: Instead of building huge sets, I film little boxes that are decorated from the inside and not at all from the outside. Take a high school set, for example. If I want to film in a classroom, I'll just build that classroom instead of a full on school with exteriors and unnecessary rooms that I won't use but would otherwise be found in a school like hallways. And, if I need an exterior shot, I'll just build a seperate lot that I wont mind how big it is because ill just need for that one shot. Its basically like real life shows, where they film exteriors of homes for example, but the actual set is just in one of those warehouses? Hope that makes sense. As for lets players, I would suggest to keep things simple and confined to one floor! Don't go overboard with CC, though I for one LOVE a cluttered house :'( But we gotta do what we gotta do!

Tip #3. Keep the neighborhood simple (or remove it all together): As a lets player I would of course recommend that you keep it simple as opposed to removing it all together, since that would look terrible for gameplay. Of course, its sad because a nicely decorated neighborhood does wonders for that "open world" feel that Sims 2 is missing, but ive found that doing too much CC wise in the neighborhood lags the game terribly. Also, you can turn off your neighbors while keeping the decorations on. I've found this to help immensely, especially in neighborhoods that have a lot of sims living in it. As long as you decorate your neighborhood right (while not going overboard), then you wouldn't even be able to tell the difference - except when it comes to the lagging! I havent played a game with neighbors on since those sims 4t2 deco homes were converted!

For machinima makers I'd go one step forward: If you have scenes that are inside, turn off your decorations all together! Instead decorate around any windows your set might have, and even use one of those mural CC thingies of landscapes should your series be set be in a city. I cant remember the last time I filmed an interior scene with neighbors + decorations on!

Tip #4. Dont overwork your laptop: Make sure you dont have other "demanding" programs open while you try and film. For me, I've found that the game lags a lot more when the laptop is being overworked and getting heated, so closing programs like Sony Vegas (or other video editing programs) and Photoshop (or other photo editing programs) helps a ton! Really, I make sure to film with just the game and FRAPS open

Tip #5. Lower the quality: Push comes to shove and you've found that your computer just isnt handling it? Lower the quality of your game. Nothing drastic of course, nothing that would compromize your quality too much, but some small things like turning off shadows, for example, can come a looong way without making the game look too weird. And, if you do use it, stop using reshade. As a machinima filmer, this is my last resort when everything else I've tried hasn't worked: to stop using reshade and edit post filming. It sucks, but we can make it work :')

I'd also recommend looking up other programs should the screen recording program you're using not work with you. I personally have found that Fraps is the most user friendly, and I cant be bothered to learn new programs, so its what I stick to, but there are other alternatives that people swear by (i hear a lot of sims people recommend Bandicam because Fraps lagged too much for them, so you can always check that out). Hope these helped, and again I'm so sorry for not seeing this sooner! 💖