#especially cause ill prolly draw them more

[watergrapes]

pirate friends ,,,

[sonayesul]

Junior Thesis

some stuff I worked on for my junior thesis project earlier this year. Ill share the full finished comic later on but for now enjoy these character designs and such 🫶

the watercolor version of the cover looked too much like bradley james when that was like, not the point of the assignment, which is why the finished digital version looks so much different. I still prefer the original watercolor version but i tend to always favour my watercolor versions of things

In depth explanation below cut

the junior thesis assignment was the adapt a book into a six page comic and we could have creative freedom with certain things and the book only ever mentioned the color of guenever's hair and eyes, NOT her skin color or features and so I had my fun with her design. the ONLY description they give lancelot in the entire book is that hes ugly and beauty is subjective so i gave him "non traditional" features. In one of my original sketches for him, he was going to have crooked teeth, but unfortunately i do not draw teeth well LMAO. I wanted Arthur and Lancelot's designs to contrast each other as well. Arthur is shorter and stockier where Lance is taller and thinner, Arthur keeps his feelings quiet while Lance wears them on his chest, and then i wanted there to be the stark color difference too between them.

Morgause and Mordred were fun, but they both had a lot more descriptive descriptions in the book, so I didn't get as much creative control outside of their outfits. I assigned the Lot family the color blue and the Camelot cotizens red to try and contrast better throughout the story and it was kinda fun cause it made mordred look like an ice prince or something.

also despite gwen lance and arthur being around the same age at the point of my comic, i wanted to try and make arthur look the oldest, sort of visually show how much being king and his decisions has weighed on him, especially since the scene I adapted was pretty heavy.

also i did have a reference page for gwen but at some point it got deleted? so in this its just a fun drawing I did of her holding excalibur instead. I do also have a full reference drawing for exacalibur in my files that was useless because i never ended up drawing it in the comic LMAO

the last photo is the cornwall sisters, Elaine, Morgan and Morgause. With their designs i had fun trying to make them look related to each other, to Arthur and their parents but also try to not make them all have the same face. Elaine looks like her mother, Morgan looks like her father, Morgause looks like a mix of both (Uthers hair color but Ygraine's hair style, Uther's face but Ygraine's eye color) and Arthur looks like a perfect blend of both too. I sort of did the same with Mordred where I took features from both morgause and arthur to make him look related but like his own person. Ygraine and Uther are only in one panel so there's no proper ref for either of them.

This project was a five month process, six if you count writing the script to fit within a six page comic without losing any details from the book and creating my pitch for my professor (all of which was done over winter break)

The project took FOREVER and I definitely am not happy with the final result but its due to the fact i had frequent doctor visits and hospitalisations and wasnt able to work on it as much as I had wanted, PLUS i had an eight page comic for another class i worked on also over the same five months (and i was more focused on that one as it was my own original characters)4

regardless though, i do still like it, just wish it cane out better in the end lmao

will prolly post the full comic in a day or two :3

[ye4gerismarchives]

the bachelorette: the wedding

an: h-hey guys😅 a whole month w/o rhe bachelorette. y’all prolly forgot about it. fortunately, i haven’t😭 sorry yall, i’ve been up all night for the past month reading about nasty white men instead of writing for the bachelorette. this chapter has 4768 words, so i guess that’s a plus.

tags: black, fem reader. i don’t have any triggers off my head, if something does trigger you, do let me know

taglist: @taybird

5:00 am

You had plans to send Levi to his grave. How dare he wake you up at like four in the morning only to start your makeup and hair an hour later? The makeup and hair team were completely respectful towards you and respected your space, considering today was going to be full of emotions.

As your face was getting beat, there was a knock at the door. The makeup artist working on your face stopped so that you could address the person at the door. "If your name is Levi, don't bother coming in," you say. The door opens and your heart jumps because

Her Royal Highness Princess Historia and her girlfriend, Ymir, were in YOUR room.

"Oh sh*t, Your Royal Highness," you let out. Members of your team start to curtsy and bow to Historia. Ymir stands awkwardly behind her. She must have been getting used to the royal bs around her.

You stand to curtsy as well but Historia raises a hand to stop you. "Today is all about you. Ymir and I are going to be your bridesmaids today! Levi called us and we decided we would support you today!" she says cheerfully.

So, Levi probably wasn't going to die today. Now, you couldn't bring yourself to be mad at him but you still side eyes him. He was a powerful guy- you were still under the impression that he said something to Mikasa during the show and caused her unusual behavior.

"O-Oh?"

"Yeah! Ymir and I will get changed but we'll see you in your dress."

And with that, the princess and her girl left your room. It was like a dream.

5:30 am

Weeks before the wedding came, you went dress shopping. However, it didn't go how you wanted it to go. Ideally, you would be dress shopping with Sasha, Mikasa, and Connie. There was no way in hell you would call Sasha and ask her to go with you. You called Connie, who refused to pick up. You thought about calling Mikasa but you felt uneasy about it. So, Levi and his husband, Erwin, went with you.

Erwin was a complete angel. He asked you respectful questions about your life and even made you laugh. Spending time with Erwin made you realized how...dark Levi was and even made you question why they were even together. But your thoughts couldn't stop you from seeing how Levi melted under Erwin's touch. They loved each other. You hoped that You and Jean would be like that.

With their help, you managed to pick the perfect dress.

Slipping it on for the second time was just as magical as it was the first. Your team awed and cooed over how beautiful you looked. Historia and Ymir entered in matching pink outfits and immediately started fawning over how good you looked.

You felt your face redden up and you couldn't help but smile. But all of that went away when a familiar face entered.

"You...you look good, y/n."

"Mikasa...what are you doing here?"

Mikasa was standing in front of you in the same pink color that Ymir and Historia were in but her outfit was a sleeveless wide-legged jumpsuit. Her bangs were brushed away from her face and the rest of her hair sat behind her ears- well, mostly.

"Levi called me. He apologized for everything and told me to come over to apologize to you too. And then he forced me to be your maid of honor," Mikasa explained.

Levi forcing her to come over sounded like him but apologizing? He must have realized he went too far, especially since Mikasa was his niece. Levi was too caught up in creating and entertaining drama that he probably forgot Mikasa's relation to him.

So, you decided to let everything go.

You walk towards Mikasa with arms open and she's shocked but she doesn't hesitate to envelop you in her arms are well.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. I know was so out of line. I'll never let any man get in the way of our friendship again," Mikasa said as she squeezed you harder.

"Same here. If things don't work out with Jean, I'll marry you instead," you joke. You can feel Mikasa's laughter vibrate against your neck. She pulls away first and you proceed to ask another question. "Have you been in touch with Sasha?"

Mikasa purses her lips and shakes her head. "She's been radio silent. I can't tell if she got more backlash than me. She's off social media and just unwilling to speak with anyone. The hate probably got to her and she's just hiding for now."

You weren't too surprised. Mikasa was doing a job- a terrible one- but Sasha went out of her way to sleep with one of your guys...but she was drunk. You could imagine Sasha being the most discussed and debated online. Without speaking to her, you wouldn't know what was really going on in her mind.

"Oh! You never said hi to Princess Historia or Ymir. They're my bridesmaids for the day," you point out. The color leaves Mikasa's face when she realizes who's in the room with her. "Sh*t. Your Royal Highness," Mikasa curtsies. Historia lets out one of her signature giggles and begins to introduce herself and Ymir to Mikasa. As that goes on, your team starts helping you with your dress again.

You were slightly glad Mikasa was by your side today. The situation between the both of you was awkward but you were willing to give her another chance.

7:30 am

In the last two hours, you've done photoshoots and chat with everyone around you. Now it was time for Jean to be yours and for you to be his. You did question the early wedding time that Levi gave you but this would probably be the last time you saw that man so let's just let him do what he wants.

You were visibly nervous. You were gripping onto Mikasa's hand like it would be your last time doing so. "Hey, just remember, he's not your real husband. At least for now. This is all show," Mikasa reminds you. She was right. Jean may have been romantic with you but also he got his hour of fame, he could possibly leave you. Maybe he would get married to Connie.

You started to take a few deep breaths as you pulled up in front of the venue. Levi had rented a beach (not the one you and Connie were on) for your wedding.

From what you could see in the car, there were multiple seats and people were filling them up. You hoped that Connie's family had no ill-feeling toward you and decided to show up. It would be a shame since you were caught on television talking about how you would love for them to be there.

Your car came to a slow end. "y/n, do not worry. Remember, THIS is all fake. Only you decide if it's real," Mikasa reminds you. Levi opens your door and offers his hand to you. "It's go time." Mikasa helped you with your veil making sure that it wouldn't hit the ground.

"y/n, I know I may have been a menace but I'm happy for you. You might have had the most popular season yet," he says. Him bringing up ratings was no shock to you. You don't reply and Levi have his moment.

You like to think that Jean would like to spend the rest of his life with you. You knew that wasn't the case with many Bachelorettes and Bachelors but you look at Levi and Erwin...ah well, that wasn't a good example, considering that Erwin wasn't a contestant. He was the previous host. 'CALM DOWN,' you tell yourself, 'YOU AND JEAN WILL BE GOOD. AND IF HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, ITS WHATEVER BECAUSE I'M THE BEST THING EVER.'

Minutes later, you're at the end of the aisle. Jean has his back turned and he's pacing back and forth slightly. Next to him is Connie. You know this because you recognize his big egg head. You're happy he put everything aside to support the both of you.

Mikasa takes her place in front of you and the music starts. Levi offers you his arm and you take it.

This was really happening.

You looked into the audience with a smile on your face but everything was moving so fast, you couldn't recognize their faces.

Before you knew it, you were by Jean. He still couldn't look at you- not until Levi gave you away. The marriage officiant clears his throat and begins to talk.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of Jean and y/n. Welcome friends and family! We're glad to have you with us.

Today is the beginning of a remarkable journey for this couple. Drawing on their mutual admiration, respect, and trust, they are ready to embark on the next chapter in their lives. We celebrate the love and light evident in their relationship and wish them well on this joyous occasion.

Who gives this woman away?"

"I do," Levi answers. He takes Jean's hand and places it on top of yours. Jean then moves his under yours so that he could hold it. He looks down at Levi and mouths 'Thank you'. The shorter male nods and takes a seat.

The officiant gives you and Jean a moment to face each other. Jean had the biggest smile on his face when his eyes landed on you. "You look gorgeous," he whispers. "You're not so bad yourself," you reply.

The officiant continues. "If anyone has cause to object to the forming of this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." You look over Jean's shoulder to see Connie. You couldn't see his whole face, thanks to Jean's height, but you could see his eyes. They were narrowed and looking straight at you.

You wanted to feel bad, but you couldn't. YOU decided that Connie would not be your spouse, and that was final.

No one responded to the officiant's request, so he continued.

"Marriage is an integral part of the human tradition. Let us remember, as we stand here before the Universe, that the vows taken today hold great importance, just as they did to our ancestors. As individuals, we choose to enter the union of marriage to share all aspects of ourselves with our soulmate. Today, this is true for Jean and y/n."

Soulmate. You hoped that was true for you and Jean. You did meet him on a tv show.

"There are few greater joys in life than finding someone with whom we truly "click." In that spirit, I will now share a short reading on soulmates from author Richard Bach:

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

Under the eyes of Ymir, together we take a moment to acknowledge the seriousness of the commitment being entered into today. With great joy, we also recognize the special bond shared by Jean and y/n.."

This...this was a special bond indeed. Not only that, it was completely random. The next part of the wedding was your vows. The next part of solidifying your relationship.

"I will now invite the couple to share their vows. Jean and y/n, the promises you make today are sacred; they are the groundwork from which your marriage will grow and blossom over time.

Jean, would you like to begin first?"

Jean nods and squeezes your hands. "y/n, hopefully by the end of this ceremony, you will be my wife. I know there's a lot that you're worried about but I'll do everything to make you happy. I'll always protect you and keep you satisfied."

"y/n, your turn."

"Jean. I'm not too sure what to say...you've out-speeched me," you joke. Jean chuckled. "But...I too promise to love and protect you. I'll also make sure we're on the same page because that's very important for our relationship. I'm willing to fight for us."

You look at the officiant, letting him know that you were done.

"Let us proceed. Jean, before your family and friends, do you take y/n as your beloved Wife, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?"

Jean is silent for a moment. He's rubbing the back of your right hand and staring straight into your eyes- almost as if he was reevaluating everything. This made you nervous. Jean was a smart guy. You know you couldn't hold him down and force him to do anything he didn't want.

"I...I do," he finally answers. The weight on your chest dissolves.

"y/n, before your family and friends, do you take Jean as your beloved Husband, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?"

"Yes, I do," you answer quickly. You hear small laughs coming from the audience.

The officiant gives you a small smile before continuing. "Wedding rings are a traditional symbol of the strength of the bond between two soulmates."  Connie comes from behind Jean with the wedding bands and gave you both one.

"This bond is never broken, and continues in a perpetual circle, glowing with the warmth and eternal light of two souls in a perfect union. By wearing these rings, you will be always reminded of the connection you share and the vows you have made today. Jean, please, repeat after me;

I, Jean..."

"I, Jean..."

"present you, y/n, with this ring..."

"present you, y/n, with this ring..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love."

"Let it never lose its luster..."

"Let it never lose its luster..."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

Jean, still gently holding your hand, slips the ring on (whatever finger your culture uses for weddings!). He can't help but admire it for a moment. He looks back up at you with the biggest grin. All you had to do was place the ring on his finger and your marriage would be "official".

"y/n, repeat after me. I, y/n..."

"I, y/n..."

"present you, Jean, with this ring..."

"present you, Jean, with this ring..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love..."

"let it never lose its luster..."

"let it never lose its luster..."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

You slip the ring onto Jean's left finger.

"By the power vested in me by the Ymir Life Church and Paradis, under the eyes of the Ymir, I happily pronounce you Husband and Wife! Jean, kiss your bride."

At that moment, everyone disappeared. It was just you and Jean. Jean places a hand on your waist and pulls you in. You find your hands riding up his chest and resting on his shoulder as you get closer. You and Jean connect and all of sudden, you're not in that bubble anymore.

"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, I give you Mr. Kirstein and Mrs. l/n!!."

You and Jean left together as "spouses". The first thing you did was official wedding photoshoots that were to be spread all over Paradis and all over the world- thanks to social media. Y'all kinda look like Meghan and Harry tbh.

Anyway.

You both got an opportunity to change in your reception outfits. After that, it was another car ride to the reception venue. Jean held your hand and couldn't stop talking about how beautiful you looked. You were so flustered, you couldn't get a response out. When you reached the venue, the driver helped out first and Jean slipped out of the car after you. He took your hand and entered the reception venue with you.

When you entered the dining hall, you were welcomed by cheers and claps. It was extremely overwhelming- not in a bad sense, however. You looked around the room and caught some familiar faces. You saw Bertholdt and Reiner sitting at a table with another unfamiliar girl. Across the room, Mikasa is seated with Connie, Historia, and Ymir. Everyone else is family that Levi most likely reached out to.

You and Jean take a seat and the cheering calms down. You lean on Jean's shoulder and sigh. The day wasn't over yet, but you were already so tired. Jean places his head on top of yours. "I can't wait to just be with you. I don't know what you had planned tonight but to be honest, I just want to sleep. I haven't realized how tired I was until now," Jean says quietly. "I have to agree. Let's just take a shower, cuddle and just pass out."

Jean brings his head up and smirks at you. "A shower? Together?" You only roll your eyes jokingly. "Oh, look, I think Levi is gonna call us up to have our first dance." "Don't worry, I'll get my answer sooner or later, y/n. You can't run from me." Jean pokes your arm teasingly, which causes you to squirm a little bit. Levi calls you up and Jeans takes your hand to lead you to the dance floor.

(Song of your choice) starts playing and you're not even sure where to start. Jean has a hand on your waist and is holding your free hand. You have a hand on his shoulders. "I'm not even sure where to start, we never practiced," you whisper. Jean smiles softly. "Don't worry about it. We're in this together aren't we?" He begins to move, taking full control. You stumble a bit but your reception dress hides your clumsiness. After a bit, you weren't stumbling anymore. You rest your head on Jean's shoulder and he pulls you even closer. Your movements get even slower. The music slowly disappeared and so did everyone else. It was just you and Jean.

When the music actually came to an end, you pulled away slowly. "You did great," Jean says softly. "So did you." You both go back to your seats. Waiters started to come out and take everyone's orders for dinners and started to pour drinks- meaning a toast would be coming up.

Mikasa comes up to the dance floor and awkwardly clanks her glass, trying to get everyone's attention. Everyone turned their heads and it wasn't because of the awkward clanking of the glass. There were some 'What the hell is she doing here?'s and 'Eren's b*tch?'s. You could visibly see Mikasa's nervousness so you attempted to lock eyes with her. It took her a while but she could finally look you in the eye. Mikasa clears her throat. "Um, hi. You're probably wondering why I'm here but today is not about me. It's about y/n and Jean. I was once y/n's closets friends until I was pressured to do something that I wouldn't normally do." Mikasa gives Levi a side-eye. The shrimp man crosses his arms and rolls his eyes.

"y/n is absolutely amazing...I can't really put it into words but there's something about her that just make people want to be around her. I can see why Jean fought so hard to be with her."

Jean squeezes your hand when she makes that comment.

"I often think to myself about how y/n could have easily met Jean at a café or a movie theatre or something rather than on TV show. But at the same time, this was good for her...and all of us. Here we discovered the lengths of our friendship and who we really were as people. I believe these ups and downs helped y/n find Jean- her true love. Honestly, I wish you both a happy future. Make it worth it."

Mikasa raises her glass and everyone clinks their glass with their neighbors. Connie begins to walk up to the dance floor as soon as Mikasa leaves.

"I'm going to be really honest with you. This is was unexpected. I honestly thought that today was going to be about me." Connie raises his eyebrows at Jean, who furrows them.

"But I guess it's a good thing I didn't marry y/n. I wouldn't have been enough to handle. So, congrats to you, Jean. You're tolerable."

Connie gets off the dance floor without giving you or Jean a look. You look at Jean and he's hurt. "H-hey...maybe he's drunk or something. In his feelings, you know? Don't let him make you feel bad," you say. Jean gives you a small smile before sipping down his drink.

Moments later, it was time for parent dances. Jean got up to dance with his mom. It was a little bit uncoordinated than yours but they looked like they were having a lot of fun.

Next was the bouquet and garter toss. You started with the garter first. You sat in a chair with your legs cross. You knew this was going to happen but it wasn't rehearsed. Jean could see your uneasiness, so he started doing a silly sensual dance. It made you laugh and your laughter got louder once he started shimming down to the floor. He got closer to your thigh and you felt your face heating up. You slapped your hand over your mouth once he starting biting the garter and pulling it off. As he continued, you cupped your face. When Jean was finally day, cheers erupted and you uncovered your hot face. Jean closes his eyes and throws the garter into the crowd and it lands in the hands of Reiner. The guys cheer even louder for him as he awkwardly glances over at Bertholdt, who is a few people away from him.

Next was the bouquet throwing. You closed your eyes and the guest counted you off. Once you heard the number three, you threw the bouquet. You open your eyes and turn around to see that Bertholdt had gotten the flowers. His face is so red...he look like a tomato.

After your guest settled down, it was time to cut your cake, meaning that your wedding day was almost over. You picked a (cake of your choice) for tonight. "It looks delicious. I can't wait to try it," Jean whispers in your ear. "It is. You'll love it," you respond. You pick up a knife. Jean wraps his hands around yours. You both gently place the knife on the cake and pushed it down. You lean back to give Jean a kiss and he gives you one. Jean grabs two forks by the cake and hands one over to you.

Jean scoops a piece of the cake first. He places a hand on your chin and you open your mouth. "Ladies first," he says as he places the cake in your mouth. You take a minute to savor the taste before swallowing. You also take a piece of the cake and get on your toes to feed Jean. He chuckles softly at your struggle before taking the fork from you and feeding himself. "You're right, it's good," he says after swallowing. He bends down slightly to give you another kiss.

The night was slowly coming to an end. There was no sight of Connie after his stupid speech and Levi and Erwin were getting ready to get home. Historia and Ymir had left right after the cake cutting ceremony but had promised to call you once everything had settled down. You and Jean formally greeted your guest and started your goodbyes.

Mikasa had gone up to you with a slightly awkward face. "Today wasn't so bad, huh?" she starts. You give her a kind smile. "It wasn't. Did you enjoy yourself?" Mikasa pauses to answer. "Your wedding was beautiful...however, I can't get upset over the reaction about me being here. y/n, I have to apologize again. What I did was completely wrong. I shouldn't even be blaming Levi for everything. I could have told you at first and-"

You pull Mikasa into a hug to shut her up. "Mikasa, move on. Come on, we're adults! At least you're apologizing and trying- unlike someone we know," you joke. You pull away. "Hopefully, if Jean and I have a real wedding, it won't be as awkward for you." Mikasa nods. "I'll see you around. Congrats." As Mikasa walks off, Reiner, Bert, and this mystery blonde come up to you. Inside Reiner's pocket is your garter sticking out and Bertholdt is clenching your bouquet.

"Hey," you start," Thank you for coming. Who's your friend?"

Bertholdt looks over at the blonde. "Thank you for inviting us...um...this is Annie. My dad thought you were her."

Now, why did Bertie's dad think you was this yt girl?😟

LMAO. "Nice to keep you, Annie. You Bertie's girl?" you ask.

Annie shakes her head no frantically. "OH, NO. Never in a million years, no. Yuck!" she answers dramatically. Reiner throws an arm over Bert's shoulder. "He's actually my boy now," he says proudly. "OH-! Congrats! So we're having a wedding for you soon, yes?" You tease. Reiner nods and Bertie tries to hide his face in Reiner's hair. "When did this all happen...? I just eliminated you like...two weeks ago?"

"Well...Reiner and I were still in contact and when I left, he reached out to me. We met up a few times and we hit it off," Bertie explains. "Congrats. I'm really happy to hear that," you answer. You turn around to look for Jean. He's talking to his mom. He gives you a small glance before continuing his conversation with her. "I better go catch up with Jean. It was nice to see you...and finally meeting you, Annie." The trio say their goodbyes before leaving.

You make your way over to Jean but you're stopped by the human fit of annoyance- Levi. You were so tired of him but you threw on a smile since Erwin was walking over as well. "Yes, Levi? I thought we were done here," you say in a singsong voice. "Aw, you're ready to go?" Levi says sarcastically. You open your mouth to answer but he cuts you off. "For starters, thank you for adding on to mine and Erwin's paychecks. We really appreciate it. Arrangements for your hotel and honeymoon have been put together. You're tired of me, but don't hesitate to call me if something goes wrong. Besides that, I wish you luck. Make everything worth it."

Levi walks past you and Erwin stops to hug you before following his husband.

Jean makes his way up to you, his mom following behind. "Everything good? I saw shrimp talking to you." You take Jean's hand. "Everything's good." Jean pulls you into a side hug. "Aw, you guys are so cute. I really do hope you last," Jean's mom comments, "I've always wanted a daughter."

"Mom, nothing's official yet-"

"I'm glad you think of me as your daughter, June."

"Well, I'll see you later. Jean, take care of her tonight. Be good to her and listen to her. Don't be rough, she's not a rag doll," June warned her son. She had a finger up in his face and everything. Seeing their relationship on the regular was going going to be hilarious.

Jean swats his mom's finger out of his face before waving her goodbye. He then fully wraps his arms around you. "No offense. But I'm glad this is over. We'll get to know each other one on one now," he says. You can't help but agree.

ITS FINALLY OVER. well not exactly. i have one more chapter to write and y’all will never hear about levi, 12 guys, and dates ever again😭 but since this series has reached its goal (you getting married) please do me a favor and rate my series, it would be appreciated!

[drabblesanddreams]

Sun- Dazai Osamu x reader (2/3)

Hey everyone, i literally just wrote this rn as i wanteed to get it up for Dazai’s birthday! Its Dazai’s point of view towards you in ‘moon’! A third part will be coming out in what happens at the end :)) You dont necessarily need to read the first part but if yall want to than its here. ill prolly edit this later

Part 1       Part 3

**UPDATE** edited!! im so sorry yall had to read that..thing before lolol it sucked ass im sorry

word count: 1.5k

warnings: none

summary: Dazais thoughts towards you

Dazai remembered the night he left the Port Mafia. More specifically, he remembered the night he left you. 

But he also remembered the first time he met you.

The memory of you resurfaces in his complex mind, your visage crystal clear like the waters of the lake outside of Yokohama.

His mind is always so sharp, so easy to grasp onto any ideas or concepts and store them away in his head, like a filing cabinet. It was one of the perks of his intelligence he supposes. So, when he shuts his eyes, let his eyelashes flutter and focus on the meeting that occurred between you two 8 years ago, the memory comes easy.

He remembered you standing before Mori, a mere child that was certainly younger than him. You stood beside an older woman, Dazai correctly assumed at the time that she was a relative of sorts judging by the similar features. You barely spoke a word and stood quietly for almost the entire meeting between the woman and Mori. As Mori’s prodigy, Dazai was usually around him especially after the death of the last Port Mafia’s boss.

It turns out this woman was bartering for her life in exchange for an object, and it turns out you were that object. She spoke of your ability, the possibilities and uses of it. In the end, Mori had agreed to the deal and decided to take you in. 

After all, another member was not a bad thing and if you proved to be a hindrance, you’d just simply be eliminated. Your relative was clearly happy at the outcome, but it didn’t matter that much seeing how Mori had her killed not long after the meeting.

You were such a meek and small child, Dazai couldn’t understand what use you’d be.

Dazai quickly lost interest in you, finding you to be another example of the basicity of the human race. Your actions were predictable, your reactions, your movements, you were just another piece that had been added to his chess board, a pawn if he’d like to name you.

Dazai didn’t see you for weeks afterwards, or perhaps he did but you quickly blended into the background with your quietness. 

The next time he saw you, you were sporting a bruise across your jaw, no doubt a result from training with your mentor. Everyone had just been exiting the meeting that had just taken place when someone called something out to you, your back had instantly stiffened.

He remembered watching you turn around to see who had said the mindless comment. The man who delivered the comment smiled smugly at your reaction, before continuing his words that hinted towards your weak and amicable nature.

 The emotion flashed across your face openly, a tightening of the jaw, furrowed eyebrows and clenching fists. Dazai thought you were just going to continue walking and so he almost turned away.

 That was one of his first incorrect judgements about you, because not a second later you knocked the man down and started delivering punches to his face. 

Of course, your attacks barely lasted as the man had quickly overturned the situation, seeing as he was older and heavier.

Dazai had witnessed this with a single thought, just how far could your kind nature be pushed, and if so, what are the most severe consequences that could arise from you snapping.

For the next several months that followed, he developed a friendship with you, at least that’s what you thought. He knew you were completely wrapped around his finger, seeing as you really didn’t have any other friends. 

Children were easy like that, he thought, you just had to give them the slightest taste of belonging and they will latch on for however long you need them to be.

Dazai knew his actions were wrong, but his sadistic nature always won, and he didn’t really care for what was right or wrong back then. It took nearly a year for you to put the pieces together, and when you did you were hesitant to ever talk to him again. You were fearful of him, Dazai supposed.

What he didn’t expect was that not long afterwards, you continued to stick around him. At that time, something shifted in you no doubt a consequence from the lessons from your mentor as well as Dazai’s influence. You were quickly learning that if one had to survive in the port mafia, you had to be deceitful and smart. No one was better at that than himself, so you quickly developed a not so secret admiration towards him.

The following years that followed were ones where he took careful observations of you. You clung onto strong beliefs and always answered injustice with the justice that was supposed to be carried out by the port mafia. 

Dazai quickly realized you were a contradiction, your determining in what was right and wrong was not necessarily what was inherently right or wrong. Sometimes you killed people who were more innocent than the ones you let roam free.

When you met Chuuya, Dazai didn’t realize how possessive he really was of you. The two of you always bickered like siblings and Chuuya was always opposite at showing affection towards you compared to himself. 

Dazai was always careful about his actions. He would draw a blanket over your unconscious body when your ability had lulled you into a deep sleep.

 If something was bothering you, he would manipulate everything behind the scenes so that you weren’t any longer. Advice he’d deliver to you contained words that had an underlying meaning that you were learning to pick out. 

Chuuya, on the other hand, would swing an arm around your shoulders, openly ask if you were hurt and would ruffle your hair annoyingly.

Dazai hated that you were so easily affectionate in return.

He also didn’t realize how much you had grown on him, how he always found something interesting about your nature every day.

It was until he was having one of his break downs that something changed between you two.

You grabbed his wrist, effectively halting his movements. his laughter ceased then, a defining silence overtaking your surroundings. Dazai let the smile slowly fall off his face and all that was left was his blank, cold stare.

The darkness in him was forever present, nothing could change that. It swallowed him up openly and left him aching for something that he couldn’t name.

 Dazai couldn’t understand, he probably wouldn’t understand ever the futility of his entire existence. He committed many crimes his time in the mafia and it seemed as if his perpetual sentence was to ponder his place in the world. He clearly couldn’t find it in the mafia.

Letting his faraway gaze linger forward, you stepped around his arm and stood on your tip toes. This movement did nothing to break his stare as you paused your own movements for a moment, observing him. Licking your lips, you reached forwards and wrapped your arms around him.

Being careful to not hold him too tight, you felt his body stiffen briefly before feeling his right arm come back down to his side.

 The gun dropped to the ground with a clang and you squeezed your eyes tight before opening them again. Then, you felt Dazai wrap his own arms around your petite form, squeezing tightly as if you might disappear into thin air.

 His head buried itself in the crook of your neck and you let one hand card through his hair gently.

The last few years that followed, an unspoken thing that occurred between the two of you. Nothing was ever said or done between the both of you but you both had a mutual understanding of sorts. 

It didn’t matter what girl he took to bed; you were scorned upon his heart.

His subtle affections towards you developed into a duty of care. So the night his world had turned upside down and he left the mafia, he decided not to take you with him.

Not only were you beginning to be dangerously attached to him, but you would also be in more danger than him if you left. He knew that as he was still trying to figure his place in his world, you were going to have to as well.

But this was something you had to do without him. 

The contradiction and lies you lived with the desperate clinging of your kind nature had to be resolved by you alone. The port mafia was no place for a personality like that so you either had to change or leave on your own accord.

Seeing you now, with that barely hidden shocked expression caused Dazai to feel a twinge of some emotion he hadn’t felt in years. Your hair had grown out considerably, you were taller now as well. But the guarded look in your eyes accompanied by the bags under your eyes and careful stance told him what choice you made in the end. Dazai let his eyes meet yours,

“Hello, (y/n)”

[boredom-thingy]

TL;DR- I have been sorta kinda diagnosed with Executive Function disorder (psychologist said it was very very very likely that I was suffering from it, but he couldn’t do anything) and I think I’m emotionally abused by my parents. I’m still trying to figure out whats what and what problem comes from where and if I can life hack it. I’m looking for help and/or other people suffering from the same things to add to the list. This is my list of symptoms.

Hey, all of you out there who struggle with executive function disorder or have been emotionally abused, or both. I have sorta been diagnosed with EFD and I think I’m being emotionally abused (I could be wrong and over reacting, I honestly can’t tell). Its been a while but I’m slowly discovering more and more symptoms that I thought were normal or scared the shit outta me (and still do) originally. Here’s an incomplete list, mind agreeing or disagreeing with them and adding your own? And/or how you deal with them?

My Incomplete (and ever growing) List-

Time. My sense of time is off, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. There are times when I think something happened 2 months ago when in reality, it happened years ago. I can be left home alone and when my parents get home and ask me what I did for hours on end, I have zero clue, its just a blank hole. I lose track of time extremely easily too.

Other Disorders. I often feel like my particular brand of screwyness happens to combine other mental illnesses/disorders like insomnia, depression, anxiety, adhd, add, odd, and paranoia among others

Depersonalization/derealization(dissociation). Especially here recently, I think I’ve been suffering from episodes of Depersonalization-derealization disorder. Its happened in the past but not as much as right now.

I feel like I’m going insane. Constantly. I feel like I’m over-reacting to everything, like everything is in my imagination.

I always feel like I’ve done something wrong/upset people. People I don’t know, people I do know, people I love. I always feel like I’ve upset them or I’m some kind of burden or I’ve done something wrong. (Leads to me apologizing to a chair for hitting it.)

Extreme clumsiness. This one is prolly just me. But its often a source of anxiety for me.

Social skills are next to nothing. I can’t make friends. All the ones I have were introduced to me by other people or approached me on my own. And most of the time they end up ditching me and telling me its my fault. Also, my timing is shit. I’ll walk up and ask you for something while you're busy.

Cotton. I feel like my head is full of cotton, like I can’t think straight. My thoughts are either spaghetti or a train wreck. I lose track of what I was thinking extremely easily.

Memory. My memory is shit. My parents claim its not, and I feel like it didn’t used to be, but it is now. I forget how to do something when I read or heard the instructions 10 seconds earlier. I forget things that are important to me, things that I wanted to get or do. I forget when things happened (ties in with the time issue.) I can’t remember important life events, or more accurately, I can remember them, but the memory seems weirdly muddled and I cant remember when it happened.

Food. I love food. But there are times when I’m light-headed and dizzy, and I know I should eat, but I just... Don’t want to. The thought makes me nauseous, its too hard to get up, I’m not actually feeling hungry (despite the fact that I can hear my angry tummy and I can feel the light-headed/dizziness), etc. 

Being left alone (especially with not much to do). I don’t fear abandonment (ok I do a little, but that not the problem here.) I fear my own brain. I hate being left alone, especially for long periods of time because when I run out of things to keep my mind occupied, all those thoughts I forced to go away come steam rolling back. Intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts, extremely depressing thoughts, disturbing thoughts that scare me witless, thoughts of running away, etc. I can’t stand my own brain. It scares me.

Motivation. I go to school online, 4.1 gpa (so far) and I am a fairly self motivated person. But there are times when I can barely find the motivation to grab my glasses off the nightstand 2 inches from my face and other times when I’m motivated to do something, I’m almost in a frenzy, and I’m hyper-focused on it. And there are times when I really want to do something (usually something that I love, like a hobby) but the thought of doing it makes me nauseous and I just don’t want to. Or if its a creative thing, like writing, I can’t seem to form a single idea or spark to get me started. My brain nopes out and I can’t do anything but stare at the paper, desperately wanting to write, but my brain is a bout as blank as the paper is.

Body-brain disconnect. Sometime my body and my brain seem to be on separate wavelengths. I want to stop scrolling through pinterest, but I can’t seem to make myself. I want to get up and eat, I know I need to, but I can’t make myself. I want to get up and do dishes or take a shower or do something, but my body just wont move. I want to go do something fun, like watch tv or draw, but I’m no moving, no matter how much I want it.

Pain. I am always in some kind of physical and/or mental pain. Headaches(near constant dull headache), back aches(always), cramps even when no where near that time(I am female), random muscle twitches/spasms/aches, etc. Oh and nausea. I’m nauseous a LOT. I also am light-headed or dizzy (or both) a lot.

Extreme mood swings.  I go from being so happy I could burst to emotionally shut down and sobbing in the corner in the blink of an eye. I go from being so pissed off that I want to slam my fist through a wall and break things to being so depressed I want to kill myself and repeatedly slam my head against the wall until I can’t see straight. I also sometimes get extremely frustrated/angry with the smallest things, like a noise, or something not working right, or the pets being annoying. Sometimes it gets to the point where I want to scream and break something or hit something (I never do and try my absolute hardest not to.)

Morbid thoughts. Fleeting morbid thoughts, generally about somehow injuring/harming myself. I might see a light socket and think “oh hey, you should stick a fork in that and see what happens” or I might see a pair of nail clippers or scissors and think “I wonder what would happen if I tried to cut x-spot on my body with those.” When I was younger, I used to want to sew patterns in my skin with a sewing needle and thread (never did, thank god) so they would scar over and create neat patterns on my skin.

War. I feel like I'm at war with my own brain, I talk to myself a lot. (I am an only child with parents that run their own business ((making them constantly busy)) so that is very possibly a reason I talk to myself. I also have very few friends and I talk to walls and my two dogs as well.) I tell my brain to shut up, to stop it, I feel like it has a mind of its own. Thats weird to say. (woooooo I'm totally crazy, right?)

Apologies. I apologize to literally everything. And about everything. I’ll apologize to a chair for bumping it. I apologize to my boyfriend when I rant to him or ask for help from him. I apologize for anything and everything, small or big. The bigger the issue, the more embarrassed and upset I am about it. Even if its not big to the other person. Ties in with always feeling like I did something wrong.

Defense. I am always on the defense, and sometimes it turns into offense. I always feel like I have to defend myself and everything I do or say that might have even the smallest chance of upsetting someone. And if I know it has or will upset someone, I defend myself more, to the point that it sometimes becomes offense. I can’t stop myself, I feel like I have to defend myself or I’m going to lose something or someone, or they’re going to take something I want or love away from me.

Noises and other various audio things.  Sometimes I feel like I can just barely hear someone calling my name, or a song, or a noise, or something just barely audible, but no matter how much I search for it, I can’t find it. Other times I can quite clearly hear someone calling my name, but I’m home alone, or when I ask my parents or the other people around me, they respond with confusion and a “no one called your name.” Other time noises, like beeps from the printer, even when I’m the one causing it and/or I’ve heard it multiple times in the past few minutes, jar me. They cause a jarring sensation, that is almost bone deep, I feel it in the back of my skull and it causes me to jump just a little.

All of these things are terrifying to me at various levels and they only seem to be getting worse. I study psychology for fun, I plan on going into it as a profession, eventually. I have done research on most of this, but I can’t find much on any of it (except emotional abuse), especially executive function disorder. Please help? (I am always adding to things when I think of more.)

@bradshore @katimorton @we-care-org

[apriumjam]

Satsuriku no Tenshi Light Novel Volume 1 - B3 (Part 3)

Satsuriku no Tenshi - Until Death Do Them Part - B3 (Part 3)

Story by Makoto Sanada, written by Chiren Kina, illustrations by Negiyan, translations by me.

If you want to help out with translations, feel free to contact me!

Prologue | B7 | B6 | B5 | B4 (Part 1 / Part 2) | B3 (Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4) | Zack’s Memory || Index

After a while of walking, the two of them suddenly come across a steep edge, about three-metres deep.

“The hell is this?”

“…”

Swallowing, the two come to a halt.

The ground below the edge is filled with spikes, and the other side of the dim room has been split into two platforms. One side is connected to the floor they stand on by a rope bridge; the other has a series of brilliantly gleaming, gravestone like objects leading to it, like a maze.

On the other side of the room is a large television screen, and one door on either platform. The room is designed so that if one were to slip or lose their footing on either of the paths, they would fall and become impaled on the dangerous spikes below.

“Hey, what are we gonna do?” The moment Zack starts speaking to Ray, sirens resound through the room. The woman appears on the monitor.

((Hiii! I’m impressed you came this far. As you can see, the floor there is filled with dangerous spikes, so, if you fall, you’ll immediately be pierced to death! The two platforms over there lead to different rooms. Though they are a little different…it doesn’t matter which path you choose!))

“A little different…?” Ray asks, inclining her head.

((I don’t have to explain that to you, do I?))

The woman asks, giggling to herself.

((Anyway…don’t you think it’s about time you two broke up? …Your promise is absurdly pointless. Since you’re going to die anyway, it seems like a pretty unfair promise…))

Ray spontaneously looks toward Zack. However, she can’t see his expression very well in the dim room – on top of the fact that his face is wrapped in bandages. The woman, looking at Ray’s trembling features through the camera, continues on nonchalantly.

((…Well, if you die, that ridiculous promise won’t come to fruition anyway. So come along to the next room and try your best, all right? I’m looking forward to seeing which one of you will be punished first!))

(Soon, I should be able to see something wonderful…)

And thus, the woman kills the feed as she always does.

(Pointless…)

Ray grits her teeth slightly. That word feels like it might steal away her hope.

“Talkin’ all in circles like that…when the hell can we get outta this place…? Ugh, I’m so damn pissed off! I wanna kill her already…!” Zack irritably fidgets with his legs, kicking at the floor.

“…” That word once again causes an enormous reaction in Ray, though it doesn’t show on her face. She feels that she wants Zack to kill her already. But the promise she made with Zack – means that they must get out of the building safely first.

(But it’s pointless…?)

“Hey, why are ya still spacin’ out?” Zack asks, his voice even more irritated than before as he looks toward the girl, who hangs her head silently.

“Zack…you have to make sure to kill me when we get outside. Not just that woman.” Ray wants to confirm that their promise isn’t meaningless.

“Aah?! That’s all ya talk about!” Zack clicks his teeth in annoyance as his brows furrow.

“…But, you don’t seem like you’re going to kill me,” Ray says in dissatisfaction, with that emotionless face of hers.

“Huh? It’s ‘cause yer makin’ that boring face! And anyway, the promise we made only matters if we get out!”

“…I know that.”

Ray’s voice falters slightly as Zack’s grows louder.

(I know, but…)

For some reason, Ray can’t even imagine being killed by him.

“If ya know that, then stop jabberin’ about boring things all the time. ‘N do somethin’ about that doll-like face of yours before we get out.” Ray looks as if she still wants to say something, and that makes Zack’s voice grow cold.

“…But.”

“But what?” Zack scowls at her.

“…”

Ray loses her ability to speak as he stares at her with those snakelike eyes.

“Ya know, a promise is a promise…but don’t order me around,” he says firmly, expression grim.

(Order…)

The soft and bitter phrase has Ray turning her gaze away quietly.

“…Okay. I’m sorry.” Now, she rather regrets being so insistent. Her expression turns disheartened. Though, she wonders why. It shocks her for Zack to treat her so coldly. Somehow, while traversing this building with him, Zack has become an existence who she feels would accept everything about her…though there is absolutely no logic or reason for this.

“…So, what are we gonna do?” He sounds apathetic.

“Um…I’ll go over the bridge, and you’ll jump across the stones. I don’t think I’ll be able to jump the gaps. And the rope here looks like it might break, so I think it’ll be best if I cross here.” After taking a deep breath, she’s able to calmly explain Zack what they shall do, just as usual.

“If we go separate ways, we won’t be able t’ go through the same door. Is that okay?”

“I don’t know…she said that the rooms are a little different. But she didn’t say how…”

“Well, either way, it’s prolly a trap,” the man grumbles.

“…Yeah.”

“What? Ya seem worried. You said that we’d take different paths, right? It doesn’t look like we can both go the same way, and we have to move forward anyway. So that’s all we gotta do, right?”

“I know that…”

“Haah…you’ve been makin’ a dumb face for a while now. Still got some of the poison in ya or somethin’?” He simply sounds irritated by her perceived ineptitude.

“I’m okay now.”

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“…Nothing. I’ll try. So – ”

“Ugh, I get it. I know. Ya want me t’ kill ya, right?” He interrupts her, staring directly into her dead eyes.

“…” Shocked, she grows silent. She hadn’t wanted to tell him to kill her. She had wanted to tell him that they would get out, together. But, if she thinks about it, perhaps telling him they would get out together, and telling him he would kill her, are the same thing.

“Anyway, don’t go gettin’ any weird ideas. Don’t die.”

“…Right. It’s okay. I won’t die.”

“That so. Whatever. I’ll go first.”

“Okay.”

Ray carefully crosses the bridge. It takes her a bit of time, but she gets to the other side safely. However, she still can’t see Zack on the other side.

(Zack still isn’t here…I wonder if he’ll be able to get across.)

In that moment, the large monitor displays Zack in the process of making his way to the other side.

(If I just jump far enough, I’ll be able to get across.)

Zack jumps lightly across the stones, making sure not to fall. However, the stones have been constructed like a maze, and it’s not that easy to get across. Before he knows it, he’s leaping aimlessly from one and the other.

“Damnit, how am I supposed t’ do this?”

He isn’t afraid – however, his vexation is steadily growing.

“Zack, go back.”

In that moment, he hears Ray’s voice from the other side of the room. It seems she’s gotten there faster than him.

“Aah?! Why?!”

“I can see you on the monitor. If you go this way, you won’t be able to get to the other side. Zack, just jump where I tell you to.” He’s simply stuck like this. That’s why Ray says this.

(…I told ya not t’ order me around.)

However, to Zack, this was not an especially attractive proposal. Unpleasant memories from his childhood come flooding back. He remains silent. He hates being told what to do.

“…Zack?” She thinks it’s strange that he doesn’t respond. Her head tilts in confusion. Ray has absolutely no intention of ordering anything of him. She simply wants to be useful to him.

“…Yeah, yeah, I just gotta go back.” Despite his anger, he does as asked.

“Okay. Once you go back, jump to the upper right. Then to the upper left…” Looking up at the screen, she gives him the proper directions of how to get to the other side of the room.

(…Aah, she’s just tellin’ me what t’ do.)

The vexation within Zack’s heart grows more and more virulent. He feels like Ray is treating him like her personal tool.

“Next, the lower right.”

In that moment, his rage becomes absolutely unbearable, and he can’t help but yell –

“Hey! I ain’t some video game character! Stop tellin’ me where t’ go!”

“But, I think it’ll be faster if I tell you…and if you don’t know how to get here, it’ll be a bit difficult…” A little surprise leaks into her voice as she protests. She has not even an ounce of ill will.

“It’s fine, there’s only a bit left.” Despite understanding this, he’s still angry. She might not be doing this out of malice, but he feels like he’ll go crazy if she keeps telling him what to do.

“…I see.”

(…He really is upset.)

Feeling a bit ill, she looks away from the screen.

▲▽

After getting to the other side safely, the two proceed through their own individual doors.

(…Huh?)

But they can still see each other. If not for the iron bars separating them as if to keep them from touching, they would be in the same room.

Ray meets Zack’s eyes. The look she sees in them reminds her of when she had first met him on B6 – it looks as if he wants to lash out, an irrational rage he can hardly contain.

“Zack, this room…”

Completely unafraid of that gaze, she draws nearer to him easily.

“Yeah…looks like we’re locked in, and the only stuff in here are these syringes. What’re we supposed t’ do? She tellin’ us t’ get high or somethin’? Hah.” His tone sounds vaguely desperate.

(Syringe?)

She looks around the room once more. In the centre of both their rooms is a table and a syringe containing some sort of drug. Carefully, so as not to touch the sharp needle, she picks up hers.

(…It’s real. What’s inside it?)

Holding it up to the light, she stares intently into the suspicious orange liquid.

“Ahahahah!”

In that moment, a very familiar laughter bounces upon their eardrums – a laughter they’ve heard through the speakers on this floor.

“Hiiii! This is the first time we’ve met in the flesh. I am this floor’s condemner, Cathy!”

The woman with perfectly done-up makeup stands above them in a mezzanine, looking at them through the door. However, as far as they can see, there are no stairs leading to that room, and the glass making up the door is bulletproof. They’re completely unable to touch her.

“Hey, you sadistic bitch, what is it this time?! Come down here, I’ll kill ya!” Zack snarls as the woman looks down at them.

“Oh, my, Zack, how could you speak like that to such a beautiful woman as I? Well, that part of you makes me shiver, too.” Cathy giggles.

“What do we have to do now?” Ray asks as she looks up at her.

“That’s right. Rachel Gardner, what do you think those syringes are for?” Despite being utterly bored by how calmly Ray asks her this, the woman’s tone never once changes.

“…For injecting medication into one’s body?” The moment she replies, a piercing, loud beeping tone resonates through the room.

“Correct, Rachel! Now then, all you have to do is inject yourself with the syringes, and the doors will open! Easy, right?”

“What’s inside the syringes…?” Ray stares at the injections.

“I’ll tell you, Rachel. One has some vitamins, and the other has a dangerous drug. The bad one is quiiiite strong – you’ll have a nightmare, suffer…you might not even wake up.” Cathy presses a finger to her red lips, speaking maliciously as she winks at Zack.

“Haah?! Which one is which?!”

“I won’t tell you, and I forgot anyway. In any case, either one of them could be a ‘win’, and either one of them could be a ‘lose’. If you’re lucky, you get the vitamin. If you’re not, you get the drug. It was supposed to be a test of luck, you know? But, since there are two of you…”

She laughs fearlessly.

“You knew this would happen…” Ray mutters quietly to herself, seeing the woman’s expression.

“Oh, what an unpleasant child. You’re smart, but that’s all. I’ve been watching you, and…you really are just like Zack says. So very boring.”

Cathy looks down upon the girl as an inferior being.

(…Boring…)

It’s different. It’s different when she says it. When Cathy says she’s boring – it makes Ray feel humiliated and uncomfortable.

“Now, then, let’s put an end to this boring conversation. You’re more or less came here together, so I’ll give you a special rule.”

“A special rule…?”

“Yes. You can…exchange the syringes. And…I don’t mind if one of you injects them both. However, make sure not to leave even a single drop of fluid. Dishonesty leads to endless punishment here! And you will never be able to get out.”

A roaring, mocking drumroll blares through the speakers.

“And now, my sinners, I shall pray for your good fortune!” Cathy twirls around along with the drumroll like some sort of musical performer. Then, with a peculiar laugh, she disappears through the door. In the room, only Ray, Zack, and the syringes remain.

“Zack…” Unconsciously, she calls that name as if asking for help.

“Hey, bring the syringe over here. Just do it.” Zack’s voice is irritated as he orders her.

“Okay…” She quickly takes the syringe from the table.

“D’ya know which one of these is the bad one?” he asks as he stares at the two syringes. One has orange liquid, the other contains yellow-green.

“…No.” She shakes her head. She can see the colours, but it tells her nothing of the actual contents.

“Guess not. I can’t, either. But I’m not plannin’ on dyin’ here. I’m not lettin’ that bitch kill me.” His expression is grim.

“…So, should I take both of them?” Ray thinks a bit before giving him her proposal.

“Hah?! Will ya be able t’ wake up?!” Zack’s voice unintentionally grows rougher.

“…No. So does that mean you’ll take them?” she asks without hesitation.

“Ah?! Of course I don’t want to!”

(What is she even thinking…?!)

He can’t follow her trail of thought at all.

“If you don’t want to do it, I will. Though I don’t know what will happen.” Ray’s voice is calm as she speaks. Zack merely looks perplexed. But from Zack’s perspective, she’s not thinking about the consequences of her actions at all. Her statements are selfish.

“So what happens if ya die?”

“What happens?”

“I’m askin’ ya what happens if I die? What happens if you die?!” The anger simmering within him threatens to burst out.

“…Our oath won’t happen… But, that’s…”

Ring.

At that moment, Ray hears – the chime of a bell.

“I don’t know. …I’m sorry, I don’t know.” Her head feels swamped in confusion.

“…Ah, that’s right. Ya want t’ die. I asked ya somethin’ stupid.” Zack’s voice is bitter and mocking.

“…Stupid…” Ray quietly repeats the word.

“It pisses me off, but that bitch is right. We’re just tools to each other. Well…I dunno what it means t’ swear t’ God, but you’ll prolly be satisfied if ya get t’ die either way.”

As he stares at Ray, whose expression hasn’t changed even slightly, he asks her something he’s been wondering about, somewhere in his heart, the entire time.

“Hey, can ya even make a good face if ya think about how much ya wanna die?”

“…” She can’t simply nod her head in response to that question.

She doesn’t know…she doesn’t know. She may have never been able to smile from the very bottom of her heart – ever since she was born.

“…How fuckin’ boring…being some doll’s tool…”

Sighing slightly, the man mutters to himself. Ray has fallen into utter silence.

“But right now, I don’t plan on doin’ what that bitch wants. I have t’ get outta this place. So, I’ll let ya use me.”

His tone become slightly desperate as he reaches through the bars and snatches the syringe from Ray’s hand.

“Wait, that’s mine…” Her eyes widen.

“Shut up. It looks dangerous, but it ain’t poison, right? If I die, that just means ya get t’ die too. So it’s better if I do it.” He smiles fearlessly. It may have been a wise decision in this situation. But Ray can only see it as Zack acting rashly after losing his composure.  And yet, she can’t stop him.

“…Wait.” Though she knows this, she reaches her hand through the bars.

“I’m not gonna wait.”

Zack glances at her. His expression – as if abandoning something, or perhaps having been abandoned – looks as if it hides all the sorrow he has ever experienced in his life until now.

He rolls up his sleeve and stabs both the syringes into his skin. The liquids seep into his body. Before long, the syringes are completely empty, and the next door opens.

“It’s open. Let’s go.” He walks forward calmly. It appears the drugs haven’t taken effect yet.

“Okay…”

Ray stares at his back as if deep in prayer.

▲▽

A hallway stretches out beyond the door. Zack walks at a quick pace, as if to pull Ray along. However, perhaps because of the drugs, the hallway seems to continue forever. He can’t see the end.

(…Shit. Everything’s spinning.)

My head feels like it’s gonna burst open.

He’s also attacked by a terrible vertigo that makes him unable to stand. He can’t help but crouch down on the ground.

(Ugh, what is this…)

White noise streaks his vision, along with an awful sound, like the rain from that night.

And, as if in continuation of that dream, he clearly sees what else had transpired.

▲▽

…This is what happened that day. When I killed the couple at the institution, when I buried the dead kid’s body in the garden. I think he was three years younger than me, but I don’t remember very well.

The first hole I dug, I uncovered what looked like a baby. It had been buried a few weeks ago. It was in my way, so I went to dig a new hole. I don’t know how many kids I buried like this.

And that day, it was raining. It rained all night, a rain so strong it would have been meaningless to even have an umbrella.

Because of that, the muddy dirt was easy to uncover. But the corpse crumbled easily, and it took some time to bury properly. I always did things like this late at night.

There was not even a speck of light. The ground in front of me was pitch-black. And because of the harsh rain, I was soaking wet and covered in mud that day.

I hated the feeling of my bandages being wet. It was disgusting. But I had no spare ones to change to. So my bandages always reeked.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t taken a bath in a long time. I can’t even remember the last time I did. I didn’t care much, but I did think it would be nice to take a bath after burying corpses. I hated the rotten smell on my hands after I touched them. I felt like my hands, and the rest of my body, might rot away too.

(Eugh…)

Nearly overcome by nausea, covered in mud, I returned to the institution.

It was strangely quiet. Peering into the bedroom from the living room, I saw that the couple were already sleep. I felt just a little bit disappointed. After burying bodies, the woman always secretly hid leftovers of food away. She disliked burying bodies so much that she would make sure a monster like me was kept alive. What a selfish bitch.

(I’m hungry…)

I held a hand over my stomach as I searched the room for something to eat – like a fallen bag of chips or something. That day, there wasn’t any. The living room wasn’t especially clean. Probably because no one took the trouble of doing it. Clothes, magazines, and trash were scattered everywhere. They were all the couple’s belongings.

On the shelves were various toys for children, all brand-new, as if put there for decorations. They didn’t appear to be used. And there was no need for toys in a place like that.

After all, there were no more children there. I was – the last – person. But those people were incorrigible. They would likely take more children for money, as well. And, they would be given nothing, die of starvation, and end up getting buried by me.

I was the only one who didn’t die. The couple called me a “monster”. I was called that likely not only because of my creepy appearance, but also because I just didn’t die. Though there were times I stole bags of candy or chips, one time, in intervals of about three weeks, I got leftovers. It took about that long for the new kids to die, too. I guess the couple probably didn’t understand why I didn’t drop dead. Even I didn’t. But it’s annoying to think about that.

(Haah?)

As I emitted a sigh that mixed with the sound of rain outside, I suddenly noticed a faint gleam of something.

(What’s that?)

It was a light from the television in the living room. It was on. Not thinking of anything in particular, I sat down in front of the TV, as if drawn in by the light. It was only on when the couple were up. And most of the time, while they were up, I was crouched down on the floor upstairs, in the storage room. I had heard the TV sometimes, but never seen what was on it.

(The television, huh…)

I became curious about this thing I had never seen before.

But because it was late at night, there was nothing on it. Not really knowing anything about how it worked, I tried pressing one of the buttons. Then, something happened.

It was probably – a bit of an old movie. It was the first time I’d ever seen one.

On the TV, there was a couple – a man and a woman – laughing happily. I had no idea what was supposed to be so funny.

(It’s kind of boring…)

I thought of turning it off. I hated people who looked happy. But at that moment, a grotesque-looking man – his skin slowly peeling off his entire body – appeared before the couple. He looked like a monster. And then, the ugly man turned toward the woman’s boyfriend. Brandishing a hatchet, he stabbed him over and over and over – without an ounce of hesitation. And killed him. Dark reddish blood scattered across the screen. It looked as if it would splatter out onto the ground in front of me.

The woman stared at the ugly man and called him a monster. Her expression was full of despair – as if the happiness she had experienced moments before had been nothing but a lie.

The ugly man mercilessly stabbed the woman in the head. The screen split between the pale face of the dead man, and the face of the ugly man, whose mouth was so wide with laughter it seemed like his face might tear into two. It was an exhilarating scene, one that enthralled me.

Thump, thump.

Thump thump.

Thump thump thump.

I don’t know if my heart had been moving until that moment. But then – then it felt like it wouldn’t ever stop its desperate thrumming.

(…Aah…that’s right…)

And that’s when I finally realised –

…This is what I should do.

(It’s easy…)

I stood up from the floor and wandered into the kitchen. It was swarming with wriggling black insects. I picked up the largest knife I could find, and turned toward the bedroom. The couple’s snoring was absurdly loud.

I didn’t falter for even a moment as I thrust the blade into the man’s neck. When I buried the bodies, their necks always looked so fragile, so I figured that this must be where I would find a human’s weak point. And I stabbed him, because on the movie, the man had died first, too. He let out a groan, and his gaze latched on to me – but he died in less than a minute.

(…Huh.)

As I stared at the man’s dead body, who I now felt no hatred for, or nothing at all, I realised: people die so easily. It’s easy…to kill.

(Why was I holding myself back for so long…?)

“Kyaaah!”

The woman realised something was wrong, and threw herself off the bed, letting out a scream of terror. She attempted to run, but perhaps her legs gave way, and she ended up simply dragging herself backwards along the floor.

“…”

Staring at that comical sight, I lifted my weapon.

The woman stared at me with eyes full of fear – an expression she had never shown me before – as she screamed “monster, you monster!” at me over and over again.

(Monster, huh…)

Honestly, I didn’t like being called that. I hated the scars beneath the bandages – the burn scars that would never fade. There was no way I could possibly like them. But it wasn’t because they made me remember anything. It was simply because I didn’t look human. Because I didn’t like looking like a monster.

But, for some reason, I was a little happy that night, as the woman screeched at me, calling me that name. My chest swelled. No matter what she said, I wouldn’t have to listen to her. Because I would kill her. The only thing that remained was despair.

(It’s okay to be a monster.)

I smiled.

Aah, I’m just like the man in that story. No…that’s wrong. I am him.

I don’t know how much time passed. But the next time I realised what was happening, the woman was dead.

And I was the only one left in the institution. The only thing ringing in my ears was the sound of the hard rain, as if to drive everything else away.

▲▽

His head throbs, as if someone had hit him. He feels sick.

(Aah…I feel like I’m gonna go crazy…)

…I want to kill.

I want to kill. I want to kill.

I want to kill I want to kill I want to kill I wanna kill.

I wanna kill I wanna kill I wanna kill I wanna kill IwannakillIwannakill.

“Please…kill me.”

Ray’s voice reverberates from within him.

As soon as I met her, she asked me to kill her. Thinking about it now, I guess I should have killed her back then. Or, maybe it would have been better to kill her then. I dunno what she’s thinkin’ with that blank face of hers, but I bet she would have been happy to be killed by me. ‘Cause right now, that’s all she thinks about. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be working together with me like this.

I don’t know why she wants to die, and I don’t need to, either. After all, to her, I’m nothing more than a tool.

(But if I kill her now, would I be a liar…?)

The more time passes, the more the drugs sink into his system. He has always felt as if he’s been in an awful dream. The raging impulse to kill and the last frays of his sanity fight together.

(Zack looks strange…? The poison really is…)

“Zack, are you okay…?”

Having opened the door, Ray sees Zack crouched on the floor, unmoving, and rushes up to him.

(Stay away – )

Zack calls out in his own mind.

But the moment he perceives the form of the girl who rushes up to him, he becomes entirely enveloped in urges he can’t contain. He’s unable to think of anything asides from his desire to kill.

“…”

He quickly stands, and brandishes the scythe toward Ray. This scythe has brought countless people to despair. And, of course, it can slice through Ray’s dainty neck without a problem.

“…What’s wrong…?”

With the slightest bit of surprise upon her face, she asks him this quietly, seeming to sense something.

“Aah…I dunno if it’s ‘cause of that weird stuff or not…but I wanna kill so bad…that I feel like I’m gonna go crazy!” Zack shouts desperately as he stares into those blue eyes that look as if they see through everything.

(So, just go somewhere, far away – )

He wants to kill someone, anyone – Ray, in front of him – so badly he can hardly stand it.

But the promise he had made with her flickers in his mind.

“When we get outta here together…I’ll kill you.”

Since coming into this world, he had never had anything he especially liked or disliked. It was pointless to think about those things, anyway. But lies – he truly hates lies.

“…I see…I don’t mind.” Ray doesn’t flinch as she replies.

(So damn boring.)

Zack laughs, and hangs his head.

“…That so.”

(She’s boring, but,)

“Ah, that’s right, ya want me t’ kill ya, don’t ya?!”

(I can’t help it – )

He can’t control himself. The scythe shakes as his arms waver.

The sharp blade lightly touches the nape of her neck. It’s cold – almost like water dripping down her skin.

“…But, are you okay with this?” she asks him calmly as that icy sensation seeps into her bones.

“…Hah?!”

“You aren’t outside yet. And…my face is still boring, right?”

Just like her voice, her face is emotionless. She simply, intently gazes up into Zack’s flushed face.

(If ya get it, then)

“Hey…are ya tryin’ t’ threaten me now?!”

(do something – )

He feels absolutely disgusting. He wants to puke.

Even he knows how his hands tremble as they grip the scythe. Every second, he comes closer and closer to simply cutting her head from the rest of her body.

“No. You’re the one who made the promise to God. So, the promise is yours as well. Right now, I’m not ordering anything of you, or asking you to do anything for me. I’m just asking you…Zack, are you okay with this?” Ray’s expression trembles as she feels Zack’s hands shake, the sensation passed through her by the blade of the scythe on her neck. He’s a bit surprised, seeing such an honest expression from her in this insane situation –

“…Are you stupid? …Of course I’m not okay with it.” His answer comes straight from his heart. “But, ya know…no matter how boring yer face is…it’s hard t’ hold myself back. ‘Cause if I could, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place…”

Aah…why am I trying to hold myself back so much…?

When I get the urge to kill, I kill. I wanna kill so bad I can hardly stand it, but something inside of me keeps calling out to me, saying I mustn’t kill her.

(‘Cause I can’t get out of here if I do…?)

“A dangerous, mutually selfish wish that only pushes responsibilities upon the other…you both seem to be gaining something from this, but, the two of you are nothing more than tools. Though…which one of you is the real tool, I wonder?”

So, is Ray just a tool to me, too…?

“Your promise is absurdly pointless.”

(Promise…)

Ah…that’s right…I never really made a promise with anyone before. Promises always seemed so irrelevant to me…because I always lived on my own.

(But, ‘cause I’m gonna kill Ray once I get out of here, it might really be a pointless promise after all…)

He turns his gaze away from Ray and takes in a short breath, as if to muster the last of his strength.

“…But, ya know, even I hate lies...” His voice trembles. “Ya get what I mean, right?”

For a moment, it seems like time simply stops flowing between them.

“…Yeah.”

As Zack blinks, Ray sees her own expressionless face reflected back to her, and sees herself nod.

“…Good girl…so…please…”

He gently draws her delicate body closer to him.

“…Don’t let me kill you just yet – ”

And, after whispering into her ear, he softly lets her go.

As if to confirm the promise they’ve made to one another, the two hold one another’s gazes for a moment.

Zack’s expression is more serious than any she’s ever seen on him before.

He hears the rain begin to fall once more. A harsh rain at the dead of night, a rain hard enough to wash everything away.

Between the slits of my bandages, I see that old movie. What had it been called again? Something like…ah, damn it. It was the only movie I’d ever seen. I should have at least remembered the title. But that movie really was the best. It was so exciting.

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

Just thinking about it has my heart thumpin’ in my chest – though I dunno if it normally does that or not.

I want to kill.

I wanna kill so bad, I can’t stand it.

I can’t think about anything else anymore. I don’t want to think.

And, as if something had suddenly broken, Zack’s face becomes utterly blank.

▲▽

I have to run…!

The sight she had seen when she had first met Zack on B6 flickers frightfully clear through her mind.

That time…she had fixed the bird, like she normally would, and buried it.

It was a pity the bird had died, but I was happy.

After all, it could go home to my family. My ideal family…

But that had all been a fleeting dream. Nothing more. All she can remember is the past she doesn’t want to recall.

Ray looks away from Zack, and turns her back to him, as if it pains her to set her eyes upon him.

(…I don’t know anything about Zack yet.)

The words she had read on that profile – something like that is nothing more than something someone else had written. Nothing more.

“…I…hate lies.”

But that is one thing she knows. Her small hands curve into fists.

(I won’t make him a liar…)

Zack sways next to her – and she runs away from him as quickly as she possibly can.

Zack swore to God.

“I’m definitely gonna be the one to do it…!”

I’m sure Zack doesn’t desire to kill me like this. He doesn’t want to kill me while I’m so boring.

Hey, Zack. I can’t be alive. This is what I’ve thought ever since that night.

But, so that I can be killed by you, I want to be useful to you.

And, I promised. I promised to make a good face that would make you want to kill me.

So…for now, I can’t let Zack kill me…!

Zack chases her as the rain relentlessly pounds in his ears.

(I wanna kill, I wanna kill – )

He can’t hear anything anymore. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t know if this is reality, or a dream. He doesn’t know if he’s an adult, or a child. He can’t think about anything anymore. He just wants to kill. It doesn’t matter who.

In the midst of the white noise of his mind, for some reason, the faces of the children who had been buried at the institution flash by, one after another. Ghosts don’t exist in this world. That’s common sense. But, like an awfully clear movie, the faces of dead children flicker across his vision. They don’t look at him with hatred, and they don’t ask for help. They simply stare at him with dead eyes. And they tell him, “I didn’t want to go to a place like this.”

(I don’t care. That’s disgusting.)

He lurches after the girl with unsteady steps. Despite feeling terribly nauseous, he’s still tremendously fast.

(He’ll catch up to me…)

“Haah, haah…”

She can sense him approaching her.

Gasping for air, she rushes down the maze-like corridor.

(I can’t…breathe…)

She has surely never run for someone else like this before.

But she doesn’t have the leisure to think about something like that. She simply runs desperately. If she stops for even a second, she’ll be killed. To tell the truth, it doesn’t matter to her when she’s killed. She wants to be killed before Zack finds out everything.

(…?)

She’s suddenly aware that she can no longer sense Zack behind her. For an instant, she turns to look. It’s clear that his running speed has lessened.

(The poison…)

In her mind, she sees Zack, stabbing himself with the syringes.

(He even took my syringe…)

“If I die, that just means ya get t’ die too. So it’s better if I do it.”

That was…what Zack did to make sure they could get out together. That’s what Ray believes.

(Right now, all I can do is not let him kill me…)

That’s all.

She can’t see the end of the hall because of how gloomy it is. She doesn’t know where it goes – but she runs down it anyway, and forgets about everything else. She runs, further and further – and finally escapes that long hallway. Her vision explodes in white.

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[wavemaker9]

Here’s 2 things I want to touch on and make into 1 big topic re gta au: 

1, if i’m pulling toni to be separate from aph too, i don’t have to give a fuck about how the relationship between portugal and spain works as countries and can give him and whatever-port’s-human-name-will-be wahtever relay I wanna give them. So maybe port as the right hand man for toni as well. I was thinking toni not having anyone who he trusted in the city but i like him having one person. Them not being blood, but met when they were young and first in the city, two newly moved kids from europe trying to get used to life in los santos, slowly starting to trust each other and work together as they eventually fell into crime together, as they dug and clawed for any coin they could get until eventually it all paid off. Toni’s ambition and charm causing him to take the lead a little more, but port always having his back and vice versa, with port even often joking (or reassuring, depending on context) that he’ll be there to take over whenever toni’s gone (when the joke first started, toni joked back to ask ‘and what do you think is gonna happen to me exactly? You think anyone in this city has a chance at killing me?’ and port ‘oh, no, no, of course not. I’m just waiting for when your head gets so big it finally crushes your body. that’ll happen way before someone kills you’). 2, i’d suggested that toni started to have a crush on cami for a while there, but once he realized, he backed out both of fear of getting attached + of putting her in danger somehow as well, and so withdrew until she stopped showing interest in him as well. Instead, i like him actually entertaining the idea of pursuing the relationship, even at the risk of backing out of the crime business to do it even if just for a little while. 

like toni lowkey flatters a lot, it’s what he does. it’s not obvious, he’s not being super clear about it, but the subtlty makes it so that automatically flattering people gives you a nice small bonus to most relationships had. so it starts out like that as well, toni complimenting the shop when he comes in, the food and how delicious the last item he got was, or even when he feels like flustering her just a bit, cami herself. but after a little bit, it feels more natural. he’s not saving the things to fill space in a conversation, or to win a little favor in advance for the next time he needs it. he really does think that chalk drawing is very cute, he really did love that new batch of chocolates she made, he really does think that new dress she’s wearing brings out her eyes in the best way. and taht’s the first realization, that he actually is interested in her, even if he doesn’t pick up just yet that it’s more romantic than normal. at that point he starts to throw out a couple more flirts when they talk, he buys two tickets for something they talked about a month or so ago and plays as if someone else cancelled and she wouldn’t be interested in going to this thing would she? he’ll even make it worth while by buying her dinner as well! he starts to bring little gifts, flowers, his efforts really pick up without him even realizing. normally he’s totally fine with sleeping with a couple dif people at the same time, but finds he’s less open to other relationships when he starts to hook up more with cami. he spends time with her and his whole day, his whole view of the city feels like it brightens. he kisses her and it’s like sparks light up along his lips. he sleeps with her and finds himself much less interested in his own needs, far more focused on making sure she’s satisfied. 

and all of this kind of piles into realization 2, which is that he genuinely just wants to see her happy. specifically no strings attached. this isn’t a ‘make them happy so i get something out of it down the line’ sort of thing, he just genuinely sees cami as this light in the dark of los santos, and he could stop talking to her tomorrow and he’d still want to at least know that every day she was better off than how she’d started. which is probably weird for him??? i don’t know if that’s happened at least since he was young. again, i mentioned him not really fully processing gil and francis as friends because he gets something out of their relationship business-wise and it’s kind of foolish to actually befriend your business partners. port’s the closest, but they feel more like brothers than friends, and it’d take a lot more to betray family, especially one that has helped and continues to help as much as he has. outside of her presence, cami doesn’t get much for toni that he couldn’t get elsewhere. he could find anyone to sleep with if he just cared about sex, he knows a few other good bakers and chefs in the town who could probably whip him up a batch of some tasty treat with the right amount of persuasion. she doesn’t have a lot of money, not many connections in town, and if anything he’s actually /losing/ things because of her, considering that time before where he spent money to help her with robbery repair costs + spent resources having some of the toros watch the area to keep hostile gangs away from her store. if this isn’t new for him, it’s old enough where it oughta be new, and a part of him says immediately to back out, that this is foolish, that this is how you die in this city. making connections when you’ve got a target on your back like he does. but then a part of him also points out that he could always just... get rid of the target. people want him dead for power, for money, sure, but if that wasn’t his anymore, no one’d have a reason to come after him /or/ her. it’s at least an idea he doesn’t immediately discard. 

and as more time passes, he considers it more and more, until he finally brings the idea up to port, asking if port’s still planning to take over for toni after toni’s no longer running things. as always, port jokes about how yes yes when you finally die i’ll make sure the toros live on and forget you so they can look up to me, no worries, no worries, haha. toni offering what if this happened before he died though? what if it was actually a lot sooner than port thought? port laughing off the idea, asking if toni is bullshitting him, until he realizes toni /isn’t/ bullshitting him, hold on what the fuck. he’s quickly trying to question what he’s talking about, is he ill, is someone making him say that, blink once for yes, twice for no. toni laughs and waves off the pseudo-faux concern, insisting it’s just a thought, just something he’s been rolling around in his head lately. Port asking what on earth could make toni consider that, since he’s been giving everything he had to get to be where he is since they first met. toni’s ignored every religious insistence that crime is a sin not to be involved with, so what on earth could get him to consider actually stopping. toni hesitates before vaguely admitting, “There’s this woman” and port laughing hard, declaring bullshit again but once again more convinced by toni /not/ chuckling and smiling and waving it off as nothing to worry about. port asking “Did this woman threaten to kill you????” like what the fuck, and toni having to vaguely talk about how he’s been sort of head over heels lately, though not going into details on who it is. Port teases him for being lovesick, that he’d throw everything away for a romance that will fall apart in another week or two, but toni dismisses the prediction, as well as any concrete decision here. he’s still just considering, he just feels it would be better to retire if he did want to pursue anything more. besides, he can’t really complain retiring at his age. ludwig’s already running gil’s crew and he bets francis will have someone new soon enough as well. what if it’s time for the second stringers(or whatever) to have a chance at the gold. port rejects the idea of being called a second stringer, but ultimately agrees of course he’d take things over if toni wanted to retire, though he disagrees that toni should do it just for one person. finally he asks what toni’d even do if he retired from crime, with toni considering before prolly saying as a dramatic irony thing about cami, ‘y’know, i was considering taking up baking.’

and that idea stays in his head for a little while longer. if anything it grows stronger as he continues to fall for cami. i think he genuinely 100% considers a fantasy of dropping all this, moving to the north of the town where it’s a little safer, and just living his life with cami. it’s a period where he probably starts to mellow out just a little in the violence department as well. but it deosn’t last especially long, when a realization hits toni. i’m not sure how to get this through to him; i was originally suggesting some other higher up in the town being attacked, osmeone who got out of the game a year or so ago at least, but instead, i think i like cami’s shop being broken into again, the first time since that time toni offered helping with that. and this time it’s not just that they made a mess while looking for valuable shit to take. this was aggressive, this was violent for violence, this was a message. i think cami was hurt a little, with toros members in the area who moved in to attack the other gang when they made a move also suffering some injuries. as soon as toni finds out, he comes over to try and help, apologizing in a way that cami thinks is in a very ‘i’m sorry that this happened to you’ but is truly just toni taking this as his fault. and it kind of clicks that like, oh, no, he was wrong. he thought money and power would be the only major issues someone’d want to kill him, but he temporarily forgot about revenge and all that jazz. 

and it takes a day or so to process everything before something snaps in toni and he just kinda realizes oh this was a mistake, i’ve made a mistake, what a fucking fool i am. i think he makes a show of force to the rival gang, but only in a way that toni feels won’t put camille in danger. he starts to pull back, eventually making up some excuse to ask that htey just be friends instead if that would be alright, though wanting very much to make it clear that he did like what they had, he did like her, it’s just not working out with him where he is right now and work’s been /so/ bussy and stress lately, she knows how it is, though. he hopes she’ll understand. when he breaks the news he won’t be retiring after all, what was he even thinking, the toros are the only home and family he needs, he says through a tone that port raises and eyebrow at. port teasingly upset at first, it was supposed to be his crew, soon, damnit): though ultimately yeah, he’s glad, wouldn’t have wanted to do this without the two of them working together. then it’s not too long after that that cami meets cian. and toni has to learn to be cool with him instead

[skittles-pixie]

I was tagged by the fantastic @essentiallychaotic​ 1. Are you named after someone? my middle name is after my great aunt. and apparently theres some controversy about my first name lol 2. When is the last time you cried? oh god... like sunday night? I had a bit of a breakdown.... 3. Do you like your handwriting? no... definitely not... but it prolly has something to do with my mother telling me that I would never succeed if I don't improve my handwriting and then making me write lines even after I moved out of the house and started going to college 4. What is your favorite lunch meat? prolly ham, or roast beef.... 5. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I hope....? 6. Do you use sarcasm? ha ha... just a lot.... 7. Do you have your tonsils? noooo got rid of those things when I was in second grade.... it was terrible lol 8. Would you bungee jump? DUDE YES!!! 9. What is your favorite kind of cereal? cherios with fresh honey on them... otherwise I don't really eat cereal... 10. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? not unless I have too... I'm very lazy lol 11. Do you think you’re a strong person? yes... I'm often used as muscle by people who know me... and then theres the twats who rufuse my help because I'm a girl and it pisses me off.... but I'm also a pretty stubborn person... like hella stubborn lol... and id consider myself pretty strong in that sense too 12. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip... vanilla.... banana... and other fruit flavors although those are usually more sorbet and not quite ice cream.... 13. What is the first thing you notice about people? their lips and how they talk... if they slur, stutter, enunciate specific letters etc.... 14. Red or pink? Red always red... pink is good but red is better 15. What is your least favorite physical thing about yourself? my tummy... its squishy and hangs out and its primarily where I carry my fat... and I just want it to be flat but for the life of me I cant get it to go away... 16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? no pants no shoes.... 17. What was the last thing you ate? green beens... 18. What are you listening to right now? adult swim is playing in the background but I'm mostly focused on the sound of the fan.... 19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? that weird green that looks like it should be an ugly green but then ends up kinda a yellow color when you use it... you know the one that's always available at restaurants with coloring sheets because no kid wants to use that green 20. Favorite smell? cherry blossoms, garlic, vanilla, mint, citrus (not with the mint) 21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? somebody at work prolly 22. Favorite sport to watch? baseball, soccer, hockey, football but I don't understand it lol 23. hair color? blonde ish... my natural/root color gets a little dark on the blonde spectrum and kinda hints at brown but I still go with blonde... especially since I'm always highlighting it with blonde... 24. eye color? blue 25. Do you wear contacts? no.. got glasses tho... ive been considering contacts lately, cause ive never tried them and I feel like they might come in handy for nights when I wanna show off my makeup or wear a mask or something.. or try those color contact things... but idk that also requires going to the eye doctor and I think my first step there is to get a pair of glasses that are not held together with tape. 26. Favorite food to eat? anything bbq prolly... ribs, steak, salmon, asperagus, man that sounds so good right now... especially if the salmon is just caught that day oh yeah so good... 27. Scary movie or comedy? both... depends on my mood and if ill be sleeping alone or not lol 28. last movie you watched? started watching ghost in the shell.... not to fond of it so far... 29. What color of shirt are you wearing? none... I'm not fond of clothing lol 30. Summer or winter winter... I love the cold and the dark... 31. Hugs or kisses hugs.... unless its my boy then both.... 32.What book are you currently reading? maze runner... and then hopefully the rest of the series lol 33. Who do you miss right now? MCKENZI ive got like no one to hang out with anymore lol but youll be here soon so yay!!! 34. What is on your mouse pad?

well my home mousepad was always Pochahants (sp?) but I stopped using a mousepad years ago lol...  35. What is the last program you watched? the 100 I think... its weird but slightly addicting 36. What is the best sound? nature... 37. Rolling Stones or the Beatles? oooh both... though I prolly know more beatles songs.... 38. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? florida? from Alaska... 39. Do you have a special talent? im really good at copying things... sounds images... that's why I cant draw because im better with colors and shading than outlines... and I can sing pretty good cause when I hear a sound I can usually mimic it... if im not to nervous to try lol... cause when im nervous then I just fuck shit up... 40. Where were you born Soldotna Alaska... tagging @iridescentautistic @standswithpotatos and whoever else

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 24

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Hey look at that, I’m bored and I can’t urge myself to close that act omega tab. You know what that means. I’m doing another part today, w o o o o o 

Alrighty, last time. Aranea showed up, and I reacted in a perfectly calm and orderly fashion. Let’s see where this goes!

Yup. Nobody’s happy. Put that grin away Aranea.

MEENAH: serket?? MEENAH: HOLD the GLUB up MEENAH: i thought you like MEENAH: got owned or w/e

She did indeed get owned or w/e. By you, in fact. You from another universe in which you became a giant hot troll wearing a goddamn skintight outfit.

Oh yeah, and she is currently destroying the hell out of the kiddo’s back at the lily pad.

ARANEA: ... Nice to see you too, Meenah.

Pssst.. it’s not nice to see you aranea...

ARANEA: Just as anxious to get to the point as ever. 8ut as per usual, I encourage you to exercise a 8it more p8tience. ARANEA: All your questions and concerns will be addressed eventually, I assure you. MEENAH: UUUGH MEENAH: i cannot B-ELI-EV-E this MEENAH: you go all crazy and try n pull off some ridiculous timeline divine intervention stunt MEENAH: prolly kelped actin like a hotshot all the way up to getting fuckin WAST-ED MEENAH: im out here thinkin i aint never gonna sea you again cause you got it in your head you had ta be the ultimate magnanimous blowhard just like your STUPID ALT S)(-ELLF MEENAH: AND T)(-EN MEENAH: you reappier outta NOW)(-ER-E MEENAH: lookin just as smug as you got no business bein MEENAH: and you tell me i gotta put up with whatever sanctimonious salmon youve prepared before i get any answers?!

LET ‘ER HAVE IT MEENAH. Can Aranea get the idea out of her head that SHE has got to be the one everybody looks up to? Because everytime she’s had an effect on this story, it’s made everything completely horrible. Honestly, she just tries too hard to be worthy of admiration. If she were like Vriska, she’d care more about doing what needs to be done instead of being admired by all. Merely because Vriska isn’t so dependent on the approval of others, and is happy with doing what needs to be done just so she can brag to herself and others. Alright, I kinda feel like getting deeper into this. How Vriska and Aranea differ and parallel eachother, because it’s a pretty thin line that doesn’t feel obvious. But here’s a very simple way of putting it:

Vriska wants to be the hero Aranea wants to be seen as the hero

Vriska wants to force dead weight to carry itself Aranea wants useful people to depend on her

I feel like that sums it up fairly well, really. Maybe I’ll start making sideposts of character analysis if I feel like getting deeper into these topics.

ARANEA: Sanctimonious what? MEENAH: OH MY COD I M-EANT S-ERMON

GET MAD MEENAH. IMPALE HER WITH YOUR POKEY FORK.

And here we find Porrim, in her natural state of “tired of everybodys shit”

PORRIM: Meenah. Yo+u might want to+ reel yo+urself in for a mo+ment.

S)(-ELL NO

MEENAH: >38( PORRIM: Maybe try to+ avo+id making the same mistakes as the yo+unger Serket.

DONT BRING VRISKA INTO THIS 

VRISKA: Excuse me???????? PORRIM: O+h, hush. Yo+u’ve spent far mo+re energy externalizing yo+ur frustratio+n than you+ have do+ing anything pro+ductive. PORRIM: We can o+nly take so+ much o+f this. We're here to+ try and do+ so+mething with o+ur afterlife o+ther than willfully subject o+urselves to+ its infinite echo+ chamber o+f teenage drama.

Porrim

porrim, baby

i love you, i do

but this is n o T JUST TEENAGE DRAMA? I mean, Aranea killed EVERYBODY.

PORRIM: I myself have had eno+ugh o+f that fo+r at least two+ lifetimes. PORRIM: So+ if either o+f yo+u are ultimately o+nly go+ing to co+ntribute to+ the endless caco+phany, rather than fo+cus o+n getting results, I suggest yo+u mo+ve it to+ so+me o+ther bubble. PORRIM: If no+t, then co+nsider jo+ining the rest o+f us in seeing what Aranea might have to+ o+ffer to+ o+ur cause. ARANEA: Why, thank you, Porrim. That was very eloquently put. I promise you won’t 8e disappointed. ::::)

Goddammit Porrim, you gave her a reason to be smug. Just because Porrim is tired of the arguing, doesn’t mean you’re somehow at all justified in anything you’ve ever done ever.

ok im salty

PORRIM: Hmmm. We’ll see. ARANEA: Really, I was well prepared for my reappearance to cause something of a stir. It’s completely understanda8le to want an explan8tion.

UUUUUGHHhfadjnkms SHuuut uppp

ARANEA: I’ve 8een lying low for quite a while now. Gathering inform8tion, drawing conclusions, revising and perfecting plans... All of which will certainly prove invalua8le for you all in your current predicament! ARANEA: It really is a shame you’ve landed yourselves in such a 8ind! It was ultim8ly inevita8le, 8ut unfortun8 all the same. ARANEA: Isn’t it lucky, then, that I’m here to put this tr8n 8ack on its tracks?

Im gonna die from salt poisoning help

PORRIM: SIGH...

SIGH...

PORRIM: If yo+u have any interest in keeping that pro+mise o+f yo+urs, I suggest yo+u skip the preamble.

Thank you Porrim. I’m trying to find somebody to latch onto here, but everybody is starting problem’s n s t uf f . 

Everybody looks so

VRISKA: Hold the fucking phone! Why should we listen to ANYTHING you have to say?

YOU sHOULDN’T

VRISKA: Your track record isn’t exactly stellar! And from what I’m seeing right now, you haven’t learned from your colossal fuckup one iota!

WOAH, VASKA... who the hell says iota????

VRISKA: I have a8solutely ZERO interest in letting the same washed up has-8een whose mess *I* had to clean up waltz up here and act like she’s my goddamn s8vior!!!!!!!

YEAH TELL HER VRISKA! EVEN THOUGH IM PREEETTY SURE YOU DID NOTHING AND TEREZI DID EVERYTHING...

And, oh god my memory of the timelines and stuff are getting me confused. I’m sure I’m probably wrong about this, but y’know what I’m gonna talk about it anyways. Would this Vriska really even know about Aranea? I mean, she didn’t die, so... maybe just in her dreams or something. or. gdi im confused.

ARANEA: Come now, Vriska. You of all people should know that there are 8etter times to choose for throwing hissyfits!

This isn’t a HISSYFITS. This is clear and rational thought. And I don’t get w hY NOBODY ELSE IS QUESTIONING THESE THINGS.

ARANEA: And 8esides, what a8out your little plan? We can all pl8nly see how well that turned out. You were smacked down just as unceremoniously as I was, so don’t act as if you’re suddenly the only person who can pull their own w8 around here.

Yeah, but you know what? Her plan didn’t revolve around dooming EVERYBODY. Her plan had essence of COMPETENCE.

ARANEA: You may 8e incredibly stu88orn, 8ut you can’t 8e so foolish as to dismiss common sense purely for the s8ke of your ego. I’m your 8est shot at m8king it out of this alive. While your army was 8eing eradic8ed, I was 8usy uncovering the truth. ARANEA: If you would just allow me to expl8n, perhaps you could finally reg8n your wits and 8e a8le to focus on what TRULY matters.

oh god i hate her h e l p.

pLEASE.. DOUBle DEATh HER.

VRISKA: I already HAVE my wits! And I was just a8out to use them to whip this 8unch of losers into sh8pe 8efore YOU and your 8loated delusions of grandeur showed up! ARANEA: Is that what you were a8out to do? I never would have guessed. Considering from my perspective, you were in the middle of some sort of mental 8reakdown 8rought on 8y 8eing utterly incapa8le of comprehending the magnitude of your own failure!

At least she DAMAGED HIM. SHE INFLICTED SOME FORM OF HARM TO THE UNKILLABLE GOD TRYING TO FUCK THEM OVER. You literally just got everybody killed with no positive result, you cannot claim that you are A N Y better than her.

ARANEA: If you had been p8ying attention, you might have t8ken note of when I mentioned that this outcome was inevita8le. There was hardly anything I could have done to prevent it. YOU, on the other hand... ARANEA: The mishap with your dice could easily have 8een avoided if you had simply realized how thoroughly outmatched you were. Did you actually try your little luck-stealing trick on LORD ENGLISH?

FIRST THE  F U C K OF ALL... If this outcome was inevitable, then that literally makes EVERYBODY IN PARADOX SPACE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DISASTER. NNGH YOU CANNOT PIN THIS ON VRISKA JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

VRISKA: Yeah! I did!!!!!!!! That’s kind of what I DO? VRISKA: 8ut... it didn’t WORK. ARANEA: Tsk, tsk. Of course it didn’t. Lord English is hardly on the same level as the 8lack king, or the myriad low-level imps, hapless trolls, and pitiful ghosts from which you’d previously acquired your ill-gotten fortune. Your a8ilities aren’t even close to developed enough to stand a chance against such an opponent! ARANEA: 8ut say, I think that perhaps we can strike a deal. We all know that time has 8een kinder to me in that I’ve had enough of it to refine my powers considera8ly. 8etween the two of us, I am clearly the superior Hero of Light.

. . . . . . . . F U C K Y O U .

Can’t deal with this. Can’t TAKE this girl’s superiority complex.

God im turning into the human equivallent of a salt shaker.

VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Sure. 8ecause I’m totally interested in whatever 8ogus “deal” you have to offer. Especially when you phrase it like THAT! ARANEA: And yet you don’t deny truth of my words. A smart choice. VRISKA: Are you going to w8ste time gloating, or actually get to the point?! ARANEA: My point is that I would 8e more than happy to lend you my services. Allow you to maximize your potential in a more... expedient fashion, given the sizea8le constraints we are currently under. ARANEA: All you would have to do is ask nicely. May8e even apologize for raising your voice? A little more respect and deference would 8e appreci8ed as well. ARANEA: What do you say? A deal is a deal? ::::)

GOD. DAMN IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y HATE HER. NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. Oh god this is turning into the worst liveblog ever, B U T SERIOUSLY I HATE HER AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

VRISKA: How a8out this: I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

YEs. PRECISELY 

OHFUCKHIKANKRI

KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEET!!!*

...

O k you know what. For once, I’m actually happy about Kankri existing. That fuckfest needed to end.

And jesus. I need to calm myself down.

Oh god poor Mituna is freaking out.

KANKRI: I think that is QUITE en9ugh 9f that f9r n9w. While I n9rmally endeav9r t9 enc9urage c9nstructive de6ate in the interest 9f inf9rming the ign9rant masses, this argument has 6ec9me far t99 pr96lematic f9r me t9 all9w it t9 c9ntinue!

Gdi I haven’t even read it yet, but it already hurts to look at.

Alright. So yeah, this is getting out of hand and he’s putting a stop to it with his space jesus powers.

KANKRI: There isn’t nearly en9ugh time f9r me t9 g9 9ver all 9f the deeply distur6ing c9mments disparaging n9t 9nly the magically disadvantaged, 6ut the mentally challenged, which I have just 69re witness t9. S9 I will settle with 6riefly chastising y9u 69th f9r y9ur cavalier disregard 9f y9ur inherent privilege, and enc9urage y9u to 6e m9re aware 9f h9w the nature 9f y9ur w9rds might affect the very imp9rtant feelings 9f pe9ple that aren’t here.

And people that ARE here. Like, you know. The mentally challenged Mituna right behind you. Though I’m pretty sure you’re speech his having a worse affect on him than they are. Also, how the hell did they even offend any mentally challenged people??

LATULA: ummmmmm, l1k3, not to b3 UN-r4d or wh4t3v3r, b3c4us3 th4t 1s TOT3S not my styl3, LATULA: but m1tun4 1s l1k3, R1GHT h3r3??

Thank you Latula, the poor guy is dying at all these words.

KANKRI: He is?

Oh my god Kankri, seriously? Were you too busy ogling at Latula to realize that their were handicapped people who needed defending in the area?

MITUNA: 1 H4T3 Y0UR FUCK1NG W157L3 KANKRI: 9h. Right, 9f c9urse. My mistake. Ap9l9gies, Mituna. I h9pe y9u d9n’t mind that I have taken it up9n myself t9 help speak 9n y9ur behalf, c9nsidering y9ur vari9us issues with speaking at all.

kANKRI. that is not how you speak to handicapped people. Is he just salty that he’s dating Latula? Yeah. he’s totally salty about latula.

MITUNA: UM KANKRI: Exactly. Y9u’ve 6een rendered n9n-ver6al 6y the sens9ry 9verl9ad caused 6y all this unnecessary sh9uting. Which makes the wh9le thing w9rse, really. Right, Mituna? MITUNA: WHY 4R3 7HR33 S0 M4NY W0RD5 MITUNA: 175 4LL MITUNA: 8UZZ1NG LATULA: dont worry 4bout 1t b4b3! 1ts 4lmost ov3r. MITUNA: 5H0U71NG 4ND MITUNA: 5TUP1D 8ULG3 WH1FF1NG WH157L35 MITUNA: FUCK

Latula is literally the best supportive girlfriend. Is she gonna cover his ears for him next?

KANKRI: Even m9re sincere ap9l9gies, Mituna. Even if the use 9f the whistle was vital in the c9nstructi9n 9f y9ur safe space, I understand that it did upset y9u and that y9ur feelings 9n the matter are valid. KANKRI: 6ut thankfully, and despite the unf9rtunate side effects, it did its j96 9f helping 6ring every9ne t9 their senses. KANKRI: Really, this wh9le thing c9uld have 6een av9ided if y9u 69th had just listened t9 P9rrim's advice. PORRIM: O+h. PORRIM: Kanny, did yo+u just... AGREE with me fo+r o+nce? KANKRI: ... KANKRI: I 6elieve I have asked y9u several times n9w n9t t9 call me that!

what has this devolved into? What is this BICKERING. Can anybody remain on the same page for more than two sentences? Honestly, I’m surprised Lord English hasn’t just killed them all yet.

AND HERE THESE TWO ARE, indifferent as always.

SOLLUX: (well.) SOLLUX: (this is pr0bably the worst clusterfuck i have ever had the f0rtune 0f n0t seeing.) SOLLUX: (are y0u sure we can’t just leave?) SOLLUX: (as if whichever smug fuck that ends up running the idi0t brigade is g0ing to s0lve 0ur impending d00m. it’s alm0st starting t0 feel like the wh0le pirate crew bullshit all 0ver again.) SOLLUX: (except s0meh0w even m0re 0f a catastr0phe.)

Sollux, there’s one thing you’re forgetting. The pirate ship was a disaster, yes. but now you have one KEY FACTOR that will lead you all to victory. The power of F R I E N D S H I P. Can’t you just feel all the good vibes radiating off of these assholes?

ARADIA: (we cant go yet sollux!) ARADIA: (i have no intention of leaving) ARADIA: (and while i understand why you may want to this time it really is somewhat imperative that you stay) ARADIA: (we all have a part to play in the preservation of reality) ARADIA: (a mission which is even more critical now than it has ever been!)

Alright, so this team’s objective “SAVE REALITY” Team lilypad’s objective “DONT.. DIE” Team Lowas’s objective “THERAPIZE ERISOL”

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

oh god i just remembered Calliope already died and that’s s A  D ...

SOLLUX: (ugh. really?) ARADIA: (yes!) SOLLUX: (s0 i’m like. imp0rtant s0meh0w?) ARADIA: (does it help you feel better to think about it like that?) SOLLUX: (... kind 0f? bizarrely en0ugh.) SOLLUX: (where did that c0me fr0m all 0f a sudden?) ARADIA: (i couldnt possibly tell you) ARADIA: (but what i can tell you is that i think this brief setback will be over soon) SOLLUX: (fine, if y0u say s0.)

All setbacks can be overcome with enough  TIME. HAHA.... TIME JOKE. The hell am i doing with my life.

Oh shit is Davepeta here to drop some calm bombs on the group?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < man this is just getting sad DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but guess i oughta toss my two cents into this clusterfuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < beclaws honestly i KIND of agr33 with vwiskers a little? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my subconscious is clawing at me that we totally cant trust aranea at all ever

THANK, you. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < cause shes seriously bad news DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont have any real concrete memories or anything to support it but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno! thats just how i f33l DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow on the other paw DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we kind of are in some purrty hot water DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i ALSO have the conflicting f33ling that whatever info she has fur us will be impurrtant DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so if anything we should just hear her out DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so long as you dont try to pull anything fishy!!

SIGH... I G U E S S. It still feels horrible to even let her get a word in, just because she’s literally gonna act like every useful information she gives is worth everything, and they have no right to blame her for anything.

ARANEA: Er... ARANEA: Thank you for the endorsement. And the warning, I suppose. ARANEA: If there won’t 8e any further interruptions? MEENAH: yeah sure fine whatever MEENAH: but u beta believe im gonna be gilling you later ARANEA: I look forward to it.

I’m gonna hope that was a fish pun, and what she meant was ‘killing’

TAVROS: i THINK VRISKA LOOKS LIKE, sHE IS READY TO STOP SHOUTING, TAVROS: sO WE CAN BEGIN LISTENING, TAVROS: wHICH IS GOOD, bECAUSE I AM VERY CURIOUS, TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE, i SORT OF, aLWAYS LIKED YOUR STORIES, aRANEA, TAVROS: wHEN THEY DIDN’T RUN TOO LONG, aNYWAY,,,

N O B O D Y A S K E D Y O U  T A V R O S

putthatfuckingsmileaway

ARANEA: Don’t worry, Tavros. I will try and keep this as 8rief as possible. ARANEA: While also ensuring all vital inform8tion and context is provided, of course. ARANEA: Now, allow me to 8egin...

...gjdkgfignjfij

conflicting feelings about everything here. Alright. WELL, that is the end of this update. you can listen to my whine a bunch on the next part. SO. yeah.