#especially because this project took longer than I expected

[unbreakable-red-riot]

Hi!

I received my PDF copy but was wondering about the timeline to receive the physical copy in the mail? No rush! I just have to keep an eye on my incoming mail and I didn’t see a way to track a package on Kofi, though I’m not familiar with the site. ^^;

So excited to have your work on my shelves! ☺️

Hello! If you live in the US, yours will probably arrive in the next week or so. DM me if it doesn't and I can investigate. (There are a handful I haven't gotten to yet because their shipping labels got damaged and I need to reprint them.) If you live abroad, I ship yours, the handful that had damaged labels, and my art book contributors this week! The exact amount of time will depend on what country you live in, and how your customs treat the package. (I can also look into getting tracking for international packages. Will update you on if my shipping label service provides that option!)

[angelsfat3]

ꮩ, 你是我的一切。⸻[line without a hook.]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ‘I am a wreck when I’m without you’ ︳SJ.

Genre: fluff, suggestive, comfort, stable relationship (halfway).

Summary: You are the perfect boyfriend for him, you are everything he desires and craves... But malicious people always end up winning, sometimes.

C/w: Insecure reader, feminization, Jake being a sweetheart, reader being blind because of his insecurities. －ㅤTw: insecurity, fear, mention of depression, jealousy/envy. | nothing else, if it's the opposite, don't hesitate to let me know!

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤPrologue.

The first time you were paired up with Jake for a chemistry project, you weren’t sure what to expect. You’d heard the rumors—Jake Sim, the star quarterback, known for being aggressive on the field and a bit of a flirt off it. But there was something about Jake that drew you in, something beyond his athletic build and that charming smile seemingly designed to disarm anyone in his path.

It was his confidence, the way he carried himself like he owned the room wherever he went. And you, with your delicate demeanor, soft voice, and careful gestures, couldn’t help but wonder if you could ever measure up.

From day one in the lab, you noticed how Jake watched you, like he was trying to figure you out. Despite the differences between you, he didn’t seem fazed by your gentle manner. In fact, there was a curiosity in his gaze, almost like admiration, that made you both nervous and intrigued.

As time went on, his teasing and flirting became more apparent. Jake found excuses to brush your hand when passing you equipment, leaning in too close when he spoke, like he enjoyed being in your personal space. At first, it threw you off, but soon enough, you realized you couldn’t help but be drawn to him. Every time he called you "prince" in that playful tone, your heart would race, even though you couldn’t stop yourself from blushing—especially when he did it in front of your classmates.

Jake, for his part, seemed to enjoy every moment with you. He made you laugh with his antics and didn’t hesitate to show his interest, no matter who was around. What started as a simple academic partnership quickly became something more. After class, Jake would invite you for coffee or a walk around campus, and before long, those moments became the highlight of your day.

The chemistry between you two was undeniable—and not just the kind in the lab. The lingering glances, the accidental touches, the smiles that lasted a beat too long... It was clear that both of you felt something more, something that went beyond friendship. But neither of you seemed willing to take the first step, like you were both waiting for the other to speak up.

One afternoon, after a long lab session, the two of you were alone in the hallway. The sunlight streamed through the windows, casting a warm glow over everything. You’d decided that this was the moment. You couldn’t keep pretending that everything was normal when all you wanted was to be closer to Jake. Heart pounding, you turned to him, ready to say something, but before you could, Jake took your hand.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Jake said, his tone more serious than usual. His gaze locked onto yours, and in that moment, you knew he felt the same. “I don’t want to keep pretending we’re just lab partners or friends. You’re everything I’ve been looking for, and you drive me crazy, [...]. So, will you be my boyfriend?”

Your breath caught for a second. You’d been about to say the same thing, but Jake, in true Jake fashion, had beaten you to it. A shy smile crept onto your face, and before you could respond, he was already pulling you closer, waiting for your answer.

“Yes, Jake,” you whispered, feeling the warmth of his hand enveloping yours. “Yes, I want to be your boyfriend!!”

Jake didn’t wait any longer. He pulled you into a tight embrace, and in that moment, you knew you’d found someone who accepted you exactly as you were, someone who saw in you all the things you were still learning to love about yourself.

From then on, things only got more intense. Jake had no qualms about showing how much he cared about you, even in front of his football buddies or while walking around campus. To him, you were perfect just the way you were, and he made sure you knew it. What started as a simple lab partnership turned into something beautiful—into a love that knew no limits or fears, where both of you found comfort and happiness in each other.

A year had passed since your honeymoon with Jake began. Everything seemed perfect on the surface: the stolen kisses between classes, the prolonged hugs, and those nights when you stayed over at his apartment, curled up in his arms.

But in the last month, a shadow of doubt had begun to settle in your heart, an insecurity you hadn’t felt before. You tried to ignore it, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Spontaneously, you started creating an irrational fear that you couldn’t meet the standards people had set for Jake’s partner.

That afternoon, after a particularly long class, you left the classroom intending to find Jake. You knew he was always waiting for you, no matter how late you finished.

And there he was, just as you had imagined, but this time, you saw him talking to Chloe, his lifelong friend. They were at a certain distance, far enough that you couldn’t hear what they were saying, but even so, just seeing them together made a pang of insecurity pierce your chest.

You stopped for a moment, watching the scene. Chloe laughed at something Jake had said, and then, as if she noticed, she looked at you from afar. She pointed in your direction, smiling broadly, and although you couldn’t hear her words, you could read her lips: "Your boyfriend is out, go kiss him, tiger."

Jake quickly turned, and upon seeing you, his expression changed. His eyes lit up, and a radiant smile appeared on his face.

He waved Chloe goodbye with a quick hand gesture and a friendly smile before heading towards you. You felt your heart race as he approached, but this time, it wasn’t just the excitement of seeing him, but also that pang of doubt you couldn’t shake off.

When Jake finally reached you, he didn’t wait a second before wrapping you in a warm embrace. He kissed your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, covering every inch of your face with little kisses that made you feel a mix of relief and anxiety.

"Finally, my love," he whispered against your skin, his voice full of affection and a hint of desperation. "Another minute in there, and I was about to go in and carry you out like a prince. I missed you so much." His tone was playful, and you couldn’t help but smile, though that shadow still lingered in the back of your mind, with that irritating little voice.

As you walked together towards the exit, Jake kept his arm around your waist, as he always did, showing you with every gesture how much he cared for you.

However, in the past month, those same gestures that once filled you with security now made you wonder if you were really enough for him.

What if he was more comfortable with girls like Chloe, who weren’t just attractive, but also shared his energy and personality? What if you, with your femininity, were a burden or something he had to tolerate? Why the hell weren’t you a girl?

You started recalling how, in recent weeks, you had noticed some passive-aggressive comments from Jake’s friends, especially his soccer team.

Things like: "[...] would be the perfect girl if only you were... well, a girl," or "Jake, your boyfriend looks like he’s from a fashion show, wouldn’t you like him to be more like... you know, a girl? Instead of an effeminate faggot pretending to be a woman." Although said in a joking tone, those words had begun to take root in your mind, making you question if you were really what Jake wanted or if, deep down, he also wished you were different.

With every comment, you felt that dark shadow slowly embracing you, making you start to feel disgusted by yourself, by who you were, by being you.

You tried to shake off those thoughts as you walked together, but you couldn’t help a part of you from feeling hurt and vulnerable. Jake noticed you were quieter than usual and pulled you a little closer to his side, looking down at you with concern.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" he asked softly, leaning down to search your eyes. "You seem a little distant... Did something happen? Did someone say something to you?"

You shook your head, forcing yourself to smile. "It’s nothing, just... a bit tired, I guess."

Jake frowned slightly, clearly not convinced, but he didn’t push further at that moment. Instead, he kept walking with you towards the exit, maintaining his protective embrace around you. But even as he surrounded you with his warmth, the doubt in your mind kept growing, darkening what should have been a happy moment.

You didn’t want Jake to think you didn’t trust him, but those comments and your own insecurities were eating you up inside.

You knew that eventually, you would have to be honest with him, that you would have to talk about what was bothering you, but you weren’t sure how to start without sounding weak or insecure.

And so, the silence between you remained, filled with unspoken words and unexpressed emotions, as you kept walking together towards the exit.

The weeks that followed your change in style were a whirlwind of emotions.

What started as a simple insecurity soon turned into an obsession that affected every aspect of your life.

The new clothes you had adopted, the loose shirts and dark jeans, not only transformed your appearance but also made you feel increasingly disconnected from who you really were, you were losing yourself. Every morning, when you looked in the mirror, you saw someone you didn’t recognize, and that only increased your anxiety.

Your insecurities grew so much that you even started dreaming of the worst-case scenario. In your nightmares, Jake laughed at you, mocking your efforts to fit in.

In some dreams, he confessed that he was with Chloe or other girls, as if the image you had created of yourself had completely failed to retain his attention.

You would wake up in the middle of the night with a racing heart, drenched in cold sweat, and found it hard to fall back asleep. These dreams only intensified the fear and insecurity you already felt in your daily life.

The change in your behavior didn’t go unnoticed by Jake’s friends. They started making increasingly blatant comments about your appearance. "Wow, [...], are you trying to be more masculine, or is it just a phase?" one of them joked, while another added, "With those clothes, you could finally pass as a guy. What’s up? Are you trying to impress someone?"

Although the words were wrapped in laughter, you couldn’t help but feel that they were criticizing an essential part of who you were. The discomfort was reflected on your face, and although you tried to respond with a smile, inside, you felt devastated.

What partly filled you with anger was that they always waited for the exact moment when Jake wasn’t around, avoiding his defensiveness with you.

Jake, for his part, was in a constant state of worry. He saw you growing more distant, and his attempts to get closer only seemed to make you more evasive. He had noticed how your responses were becoming shorter and how the excuses to not spend time with him were becoming more frequent.

Every time he invited you to his apartment, you found a reason to avoid it.

"I’m tired," you would say. "I’m really sleepy." "I don’t feel well." "I have to study for exams..."

Although Jake tried to maintain a compassionate attitude and not pressure you, his concern was evident.

Every time you were absent, he spent the time thinking about what he might have done wrong, wondering if there was something he could do to help you. He would spend sleepless nights going over old messages and analyzing conversations, looking for any clue that would indicate where he had failed.

One afternoon, while checking his phone, Jake found a message that made his heart stop. It was from a friend on his team, making a subtle jab about your appearance: "Did you see how [...] has been dressing lately? Looks like he’s trying to be more like a normal guy. What’s going on in his head?"

Jake’s worry turned into anguish. "What was happening to [...]?"

Not only did he see you growing distant, but it also seemed like you were forcing yourself to change your identity to fit a mold that wasn’t yours. Jake was desperate to get to the bottom of what was going on, but every time he tried to talk to you, you shut down even more.

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One night, while you were in your room, clutching a pillow and feeling overwhelming sadness, you looked at yourself in the mirror.

The person you saw was not the same one who loved Jake, nor the one Jake had known and cherished from the beginning. Tears began to flow, and you felt trapped in a prison of insecurities that you had built for yourself.

You hated seeing yourself like this; your spark was gone, and your essence was missing. You were no longer the person who used to brighten the day just with their smile.

You didn’t know how to escape this maze of self-deception and fear, and the dread of Jake discovering your pain without you being able to tell him the truth only heightened your distress.

You wondered if, by being honest, you would only confirm your worst fears: that you weren’t enough, that Jake might find someone better, and that your efforts to fit in had only caused more damage.

Seeing your growing avoidance and the pain in your eyes, Jake was determined to do something, even though he didn’t know exactly what. His love for you was unconditional, and every time he saw you drifting away, he felt an overwhelming helplessness, his heart aching and squeezing with pain.

He wanted to tell you that you didn’t have to change, that he loved you just as you were, but he didn’t know how to break through the barrier you had erected.

The night you found yourself in your room, crying and wishing things could go back to how they were before, Jake was at his apartment, feeling a deep emptiness in his chest. He knew he couldn’t go on like this; he had to find a way to reach you before the distance between you became an insurmountable chasm.

So, he decided to send you a message, inviting you over to his apartment the next day for a whole day alone together.

Jake knew he needed to spend some one-on-one time with you to talk about what was happening and try to understand the distance you had placed between you two.

The message arrived on your phone in the middle of the rainy night.

Reading it, you felt paralyzed, unsure how to respond. You knew it was time to face reality and stop avoiding Jake. For long minutes, you wrestled with whether to write a sincere reply or come up with another excuse. You typed and deleted messages repeatedly:

"I'm sorry, but I have a lot of studying to do."

You deleted the message, feeling it wasn’t a real reason to avoid Jake.

Then you tried another: "I'm not sure if I’m free tomorrow…”

Again, you deleted it, feeling it was a vague excuse.

Finally, after much thought, you wrote something more genuine.

"Hi love, thanks for the invitation. I think spending the day with you would be good for me. What time would you like me to come?"

Sending the message brought a mix of relief and nervousness, as you constantly checked your phone for his reply. You knew this meeting was inevitable and that, although you feared facing the truth, it was also necessary.

Jake was your boyfriend, someone who loved you deeply, and he deserved to know what was going on.

Jake replied quickly: "Perfect. I’m looking forward to seeing you :((. I’ll be waiting for you tomorrow at 10 am!"

You spent the night tossing and turning in bed, consumed by anxiety. You imagined how the conversation would go, feeling a weight in your chest.

Doubts and fears tormented you: How would you explain your insecurities to Jake? How would you put into words the anguish you felt without it seeming like an attack on his love for you?

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The next day, you arrived at Jake’s house with a mix of nervousness and hope. Jake greeted you with a warm hug, a gentle kiss on the lips, and a whisper full of affection: “I’ve missed you so much, my beautiful prince.” His gaze was fixed on yours, his eyes shining with an intensity that took your breath away, revealing all the love and devotion he felt for you. Every time he looked at you, you could feel his heart beating only for you, as if the entire galaxy was reflected in his eyes.

You spent the morning together, enjoying a homemade meal and an afternoon of movies. Jake couldn’t stop caressing your hand, drawing soft circles with his thumb, or stealing quick kisses on your forehead, cheek, and lips. Each kiss was filled with a restrained passion, as if he couldn’t resist the need to be close to you, to reaffirm his love for you.

However, the warmth of the environment couldn’t dispel the tension you felt. Jake noticed your discomfort and, by the end of the afternoon, looked at you with concern.

“Love,” he began, his voice soft and low, as his fingers gently stroked your cheek, “I know something is bothering you, something you’ve been keeping to yourself for a while. I’ve noticed you’ve been distant and evasive lately.” His eyes never left yours, searching to understand what was going on in your heart. “I just want to know what’s really happening.”

You sat on the couch, trying to gather the courage to speak. Jake moved closer to you, his warm hands holding yours, and his eyes filled with understanding and tenderness. The silence grew heavy as you searched for the right words. Jake leaned in, placing a soft kiss on your forehead before looking at you again, as if to tell you that he was there, that there was nothing to fear.

Finally, you lay back on the couch next to him, feeling his comforting warmth. Jake wrapped his arms around you, offering a steady support. With your voice trembling, you began to speak.

“Jake,” you started, your voice breaking with emotion, “I’ve been feeling so insecure. The way some of your friends make comments about my appearance, and how they compare me to a girl... Plus, whenever you’re not around, they take the opportunity to tell me I’d look better as a girl and to stop pretending to be so feminine... I-I’ve tried to change my style, dressing in a more masculine way, because I thought maybe that would make you more comfortable and that you wouldn’t have to deal with my way of being. But instead, I’ve only felt more lost, constantly comparing myself to your friend, to the cheerleaders... I envy them because I can’t be them, I can’t be what people expect when they find out I’m your partner...”

Tears began to roll down your cheeks, and Jake hugged you tighter, his concern evident. Gently, he started to stroke your hair and kiss your forehead, whispers filled with affection and comfort.

“Love, you don’t have to change anything to fit into some stupid standard that people created themselves,” Jake whispered, kissing your cheek as his hands continued to caress you with palpable devotion. “What I want most is for you to be happy and confident in yourself. It doesn’t matter how you dress or how you feel, I love you for who you are. You are perfect for me, just as you are.”

Jake continued to speak, his lips brushing your skin with each word, infusing every kiss and caress with a love that seemed endless. He looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with honesty and a love so deep that made you feel secure.

“When we get married, I’ll know that I’ll be joined in heart and soul with the best man in the world. I don’t want you to feel like you have to change anything for me to love you more. This heart only beats fast for you, you are my reason for everything. In fact, I’m the one who fears not meeting your expectations; I want to be the best boyfriend and future husband for you.”

His words were a balm for your anguish, and he hugged you even tighter, stroking your head and back. As you lay on his chest, feeling his heart beat in a calm and steady rhythm, Jake continued to whisper words of love and support.

“What I want, more than anything, is for you to be okay,” Jake said, his voice soft but firm. His fingers traced through your hair before descending down your neck, caressing every inch of your skin with infinite tenderness. “If there’s anything I can do to help you feel better, I’ll do it without hesitation. I’m here for you, to listen and support you in whatever you need.”

Jake’s words wrapped you in a cloak of comfort, and gradually, you felt more at ease. The weight of your insecurities began to lighten, and for the first time in weeks, you felt understood and loved. Jake, with his unconditional love, was willing to do anything to make you happy, to keep you safe, and to ensure you always knew how much he loved you.

Jake continued to hold you as you calmed down and started to relax, his voice soft and reassuring in your ears: “Remember, this heart only beats for you. You are the reason for my happiness, and nothing will change that, absolutely nothing or no one.”

That day at Jake’s apartment became a turning point for both of you, a reminder that even in moments of insecurity, true love can light the way to understanding and mutual growth. Jake loved you like no one else ever had, and his gaze, his touches, and his kisses were living proof of that unwavering devotion.

ㅤㅤㅤBonus scene.

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The café was full of students chatting and laughing, but for you and Jake, the world was reduced to that small corner where you both enjoyed each other's company. After the difficult days you had been through, you had become yourself again, regaining your confidence and style, feeling at peace with who you were. Jake had always been by your side, never leaving you for a moment, showing his love in a thousand ways, ensuring you never doubted his devotion again.

And when I say in any way... He did, he made you love your body from the moment you stayed at his place and his hands roamed to other places, but anyway!

You were sitting at a table by the window, enjoying a quiet lunch. Jake had you hugged around the waist, his hand gently caressing your hip as you shared a few bites and a laugh or two. Every now and then, Jake would lean in to kiss your neck, making you smile and laugh with that familiar tickle you enjoyed so much. His affection was so natural, so evident, that it made you feel loved and protected at all times.

As he traced small circles on your waist, you turned to look at him and found those eyes that always looked at you with adoration. Jake smiled and planted a kiss on your cheek, his lips lingering a bit longer than usual on your skin, as if he wanted to mark that moment.

Suddenly, a group of guys burst into the café, their hurried steps leading them directly to you. They were Jake's friends, the same ones who weeks earlier had made hurtful comments about your appearance and had, 'unintentionally,' triggered all your insecurities.

They stopped in front of you, their faces pale and their eyes filled with a mix of terror and regret.

"P-please, forgive us!," one of them said, with a trembling voice, "we didn’t mean to make you feel bad. It was j-just a joke... We really didn’t think it would affect you like this!"

You were left blank, unsure how to react. The guys, who were usually so confident and joking, now looked like scolded puppies, heads down and pleading eyes.

You looked at Jake, hoping he would help you decide what to do. When you turned to him, you noticed something that left you frozen: Jake's expression had changed drastically.

His eyes, which just moments ago had shone with love and tenderness, were now cold, almost inhuman.

He looked at them with barely contained fury, his lips forming a tight line while his hands remained on your waist, but now with a firmer grip, pulling you closer to him, to the point where your leg and his were completely pressed together—as if he were protecting you from something.

That murderous look on his face left you speechless; you had never seen him like this, and the intensity of his anger was palpable.

Jake’s friends noticed the change too, and their nervousness intensified. They looked even smaller under Jake’s icy gaze, as if they knew they were in danger.

After moments that felt eternal, you decided to speak, trying to ease the tension: "It’s okay... Don’t worry, it’s over."

But before you could close the issue with a kind smile, Jake whispered in your ear, his voice deep and soft, almost a dangerous murmur: "My sweet boy, no. It’s not okay what they did." His hand slid down your back to your waist, squeezing it affectionately but with a determination that brooked no refusal. "Do you forgive them or not, my prince? After all the crap they made you go through."

Jake looked at you with so much love and adoration that it completely disarmed you. Despite his fury, his eyes reflected such pure affection that you could feel the warmth of his heart melting away any doubt. You could almost see his pupils dilating into hearts as he awaited your response.

Not knowing what else to do, you nodded shyly and murmured: "Uh, well, yes... I forgive them, just... let it not happen again, please."

The guys quickly nodded, their faces full of relief and still fear, looking pale. "Y-yes, of course! We’ll never do anything like that again, we promise," they said with trembling voices before rushing away as fast as they could, as if fleeing from a predator.

When they finally left the café, Jake let out a soft laugh, one that seemed a bit darker than usual, and gave you a shiver down your spine.

You knew Jake was protective and possessive, but that laugh revealed a side of him you had barely glimpsed. A side that secretly fascinated you. Despite how unsettling it could be, you couldn’t help but be attracted to that intensity, to that almost dangerous devotion Jake had just for you.

"Bastards," Jake murmured with a crooked smile before turning his attention back to you.

And as if that dark side had never existed, he kissed you gently on the cheek, then on the lips, and finally on the neck, returning to being the same loving guy who made you feel like the most special person in the world.

His hands resumed tracing those soft circles on your waist while his lips left small kisses wherever they reached.

"I love you so much, baby," he whispered against your skin, and you knew he meant it. Jake wouldn’t let anything or anyone hurt you again. You were safe in his arms, loved in a way only Jake could offer you, with a mix of sweetness, passion, and a touch of danger that made your heart race.

Then, you squinted and looked at him with curiosity, raising an eyebrow. "Jaaaake... You had something to do with what just happened, didn’t you?"

Jake paused for a moment, only to then laugh softly against your neck. The sound was low, almost conspiratorial, and you felt his warm breath on your skin as his lips curved into a smile. Without moving his face from your neck, he whispered in your ear: "Mmh... Let’s just say I made sure they understood not to get involved in what does not concern them.."

You were left open-mouthed, surprised by what you had just heard. It wasn’t a direct threat, but the way Jake had said it... with that dangerous calm, made you understand that he had made it clear to those guys not to mess with you, at least not near you and him.

"What...?" You managed to stammer, still trying to process the situation.

Jake let out a small chuckle, noting your surprise. "Sorry, my love, but I had to make sure they understood that no one, absolutely no one, messes with you without facing me. You're mine and I have to protect you, always."

Despite how shocked you were, you couldn't help but smile. There was something about that protective, even a bit sadistic side of Jake that attracted you. The way he was willing to anything to make you feel safe, loved, was further proof of how deep his love for you was.

And when Jake kissed you again, first on the cheek, then on the lips, and finally on the neck, the whole world disappeared again, leaving you only with the guy who loved you more than anyone ever could.

메모 ! 📌ㅤ⸻ㅤ I projected myself when writing this, but okay, I hope the bonus has continued... Necessary to the plot, Jake won't always be a sugar cube. He has to take care of what's his, y’know.

아이디어 !ㅤ⸻ㅤI'm very short of ideas lately, so feel free to leave me any requests! <⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>

If you liked it you can like, follow me or reblog!! <3

ㅤㅤ All credits to @angelsfat3 / @foschiamara.

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part twenty

authors note: this is more on the boring/filler side, and i apologize for that, but it covers some necessary things and hints at other things. plus, the one after this is wrestlemania and then after that is the infamous disney trip, and those def won't be boring/fillers. 👀

also, what do you ya'll think reader is having? i'm also open to name suggestions cause i hate naming characters lmao

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, angst, and suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 6.6k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @wanderingreigns @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @romanreignsbae

Life is one crazy ass ride.

You’ve always known this, but the past few months have really shown you just how insane things can be. It’s been up, it’s been down, it’s been just a fucking rollercoaster of events and emotions, but somehow, things always seen to work out in your favor.

You expected, maybe more so hoped, that your Live with Jadah would go over well. Would help people see and understand that there’s so much more to the story, so much more to you than the lies that have been fed to them by your apparently psychotic ex-best friend. That was the semi-goal.

Well, to say that goal was met is a bit of an understatement.

The Live went viral, spreading and making it to most global and some international platforms. TMZ formally issued an apology to you, Joe, and Jadah, and retracted their story with Mariah, even scrubbing the interview, which Joe’s legal team believes is only to avoid getting caught up in the several lawsuits she’s been slapped with. 

So many publications have turned the tide, no longer speaking on you and your situation with an almost judgmental stance but rather just reposting the Live and letting the facts speak for themselves.

And social media…..holy shit. 

One thing you never expected was for the Live to go viral, but you especially never expected for yourself to also go viral in a different way, that is.

While the general public was initially against you, bashing you every which way to Sunday, it’s almost completely turned with the vast majority now utterly and wholly intrigued with you. They’ve dug up old headshots from when you cheered in college, clips of you either practicing or competing, and a few Snap videos you were in, again, all during your college years.

Not to mention the clips they took from the Live, primarily of you playfully twerking with Jadah. That clipped with the TikToks you did with Naomi has resulted in people making TikToks and “edits,” as Alexis explained, posting and sharing everywhere.

Apparently, the vast majority of social media finds you extremely attractive, and have even been comparing you to the infamous prison bae, Jeremy Meeks, from way back when. Minus the criminal aspects, of course.

“Look at this one! These are my favorite.” Alexis turns her phone so the group of you can see what is yet another edit of you, err, more so your ass than anything to good googly moogly by Project Pat, which apparently was already going viral on TikTok as people post videos of friends and loved ones with a nice ass. Seems you’ve been added to that group.

“I don’t get the fascination,” you admit with a shake of your hand, fingers tapping against your glass of lemonade. “Like, I’m not even famous.”

“You kinda are now,” Bianca suggests. It's a crazy suggestion, too, because in what world does someone like you, from a small ass town with virtually no major social media footprint, qualify as famous. “Not like, A-List celeb famous, but you don’t make it to the Shade Room if you’re not at least kinda famous.”

Alexis makes a sound, adding, “ya’ll whole lil situation made the March event on their calendar.”

“On their what?” Jadah is understandably confused, asking, “what the hell does that even mean?”

“Twin, I’m gonna need to make a PowerPoint for you or something.”

“Please do, and make sure to add the fancy transitions.”

“Custom slide backgrounds?”

“You know the key to my heart.”

The meeting and union of Jadah and Alexis remains to be seen as one of the worst or best things you could have ever done. They’re so damn similar it felt almost criminal to not introduce them, but with both having such strong personalities, a clash could be one of the titans. So far, however, they’re vibing just as well as you and Jadah have. Hence why all of these ladies are sitting around your coffee table, various drinks in hand, most alcoholic, except for yours of course. 

Which reminds you…

“Oh shit,” you announce, four sets of eyes falling on you as you realize you haven’t shared the news with the majority of them, ironically, Jadah being the only one to know. “I haven’t had a chance to ask.”

You decide to be dramatic as hell, pausing as Alexis is the first to say, impatiently, “ask what, hoe?”

Another pause followed by an intentional rub of your belly as you nonchalantly ask, “which one of ya’ll wants to be in charge of planning the baby shower?”

You’re met with instant screams and squeals of enjoyment, a big smile falling on your face as you’re hit with all of the questions and exclamations. 

“I knew it! I knew it was just a matter of time before BDJ struck again!”

“Y/N! Oh my goodness, congratulations!”

“No freaking way! That’s amazing!”

“I’m gonna act like I didn’t already know, so congratulations, great value sister wife!”

Alexis and Jadah’s statements make you laugh while Bianca and Kaylah’s cause your heart to swell. You then try to quiet them down, “thank you, guys. We’re excited. But, we haven’t told Callie yet, so please keep it to yourselves.”

“Of course.” Kaylah excitedly asks, “how far along are you?”

“Almost three months,” you answer, proudly. Although entirely unexpected, or maybe not depending on how you look at it, you’ve found your excitement at this pregnancy growing every single day. Excitement at having another child, giving Callie the chance to be a big sister, to give Joe the opportunity to experience this pregnancy with you from conception to birth and beyond. He deserves it, especially now that you know what he went through with Jadah.

“Wait. Damn. This means we can’t have a hot girl summer until next year!” Alexis is pouting as she downs the rest of her drink before reaching for the bottle to get a refill. “You couldn’t let that nigga shoot up the club later this fall instead.”

Kaylah’s nose turns up as she also takes a sip of her moscato but not before muttering, “didn’t need that visual.”

Rolling your eyes, you point out, “Alexis, we are too damn old to be having a hot girl summer. Half of us are moms and/or in relationships except your non-committal ass.”

Non-committal has nothing to do with the topic that floats to the front of your mind, but having a room full of women to consult with seems like a perfect opportunity to discuss something that’s still bothering you to some extent.

“Let me ask ya’ll something.” You take a sip of your sparkling apple cider and get to explaining. “So, every time I try to talk to Joe about planning for when the baby gets here, like having my mom or his mom come stay with us a bit to help out when he’s on the road, he either ignores me, changes the subject, or just pacifies me. And I’m trying really hard not to cuss him out, but between baby emotions and me being me, it’s hard.”

Being perceptive is always something you’ve prided yourself on, valued as one of your attributes, so it’s hard not to miss when Kaylah, Alexis, and even Jadah all look suddenly uncomfortable with your question, like they also want to change the subject.

Bianca is the first and only to speak out.

“Yeah, that’s kind of weird.” Her agreement is the quintessential example of validation you were needing for this situation. “I get you’re barely three months, but why not start with the plans now? The sooner the better since it seems like his schedule is pretty hectic.”

Throwing your hands up in the air, you echo her sentiments. “Exactly! And one thing to know about me, which I know he has to know about me is that I like to plan. I hate surprises. We need to start figuring out this shit now.”

“I’d definitely talk to him about it, cause men can be very go with the flow, but this isn’t one of those things that I think should be go with the flow.”

“I feel like you should maybe just wait it out and see where the cards fall.” Kaylah’s suggestion is casual, but her eye contact is sparse, and you actually don’t know what to make of that. 

Jadah contributes to the conversation with agreement to Kaylah’s point. “I agree. Trust your man, whore.”

“But—” And as if present and overhearing said conversation, your phone starts to ring, the man himself filling up your lock screen. “Speaking of the devil…..” You lift and show your phone to the group. “I gotta take this ya’ll.”

“Well, duh.” Alexis says like it’s a no brainer. “BDJ probably won’t stop calling until you pick up anyway.”

Laughing, you untangle your legs and climb off the sofa at the same time you answer his FaceTime, quickly telling him, “hold on.”

“I’ll be back,” you inform, but the last thing you hear is Bianca making the awful mistake of asking Alexis what “BDJ” stands for. Alexis and Jadah start to laugh. 

Obviously, Jadah also knows what’s up. 

Locking the door behind you, you sit down on the patio set that was delivered only two days prior and situate your phone on the accompanying table. Legs crossed, you give him the go, “okay, i’m good now. Just wanted some privacy.”

He doesn’t hesitate to slide right into protective papa bear mode. “How you feeling?”

“Alright.” Your hand unintentionally lands on your stomach as you explain, “had some nausea this morning, but that’s not out of the norm. I had pretty bad morning sickness when I was pregnant with Callie the first few months.”

You can tell he’s not entirely satisfied with this answer, leaning more on the concerned and conservative side. “When’s your next checkup?”

“April 8th. I made sure to schedule it so you can be there.” Joe indicated he wanted the first Monday after WrestleMania to be a day of rest for you and Callie, and it can still be, but you also couldn’t miss the opportunity for him to be a part of your first official well-baby visit. Especially with this being the first time you’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat. 

That must especially be special for him.

“I promise I’m okay, Joe.” Out of respect for him and his emotional state at such an important time in his life, you haven’t told him everything Jadah shared with you. Haven’t made him aware of your knowledge regarding his loss. You’re not sure if you ever will, to be honest. If he wishes to discuss that with you, you’ll always be there to listen and support. But, there’s zero desire to dig up painful memories and trigger this man. 

That doesn’t, however, mean you can’t reassure him when you can see there’s a level of anxiety and apprehension. 

“If I wasn’t, you and Dr. Young would be the first to know.” It’s a promise. You would never do anything to risk unnecessary complications with this pregnancy. “How do you feel? You look tired.”

He’s looked as such for the past couple weeks, and you feel slightly bad, knowing the whole Mariah ordeal must have taken a toll on him. Not to mention his intense training and preparation for WrestleMania.

Of course, he just shrugs, playing it off. “I’m good.” You make a knowing sound. “What?”

“Seriously, Joe. This is me. I know you like the back of my hand. You’re exhausted. It’s okay to admit as such.”

“I’m fine, Y/N. I promise.”

Joe is every bit stubborn as he is caring. He won’t agree with you, but that doesn’t make what you’re saying any less true.

“Whatever, just know I’m giving you a well deserved massage when we come to see you next week.” Coyly, you imply with a shrug of your shoulder. “And maybe a lil’ more depending on the layout of your place and if we can get some privacy from your lil’ twin.”

“Naw, that lil more is happening no matter what, even if I have to fuck you in the rental.”

His tone of surety makes you laugh as you think about something. “I don’t think we’ve ever fucked in a car before.” The list of places this man has been balls deep in you is endless, but a vehicle and plane seem to have not made the list. Yet. “Might have to change that.”

He also laughs. “Wherever you want it, baby, you just gotta tell me when and how.” Just more and more reasons to love this man to infinity and beyond. He matches your freak so well.

Joe asks about Callie, of course, and you let him know she’s in seven heaven playing with her cousin in her new room that’s gradually filling up even though she still doesn’t even have all of her stuff from back in your apartment. It also goes without saying that you remind him she’s absolutely thrilled to see him soon, the same as you, which is the same as him. Reunions between the three of you are just all around enjoyable.

Naturally, Joe apologizes, for no good reason, at not being able to come with you as you take Callie back to your hometown for your final apartment walkthrough and to close all other matters, officially making your move to Florida complete. It’s a bit of a bittersweet thing, leaving the place you grew up and have so many memories in. However, what’s ahead of you is so much better than what’s behind you. 

And while you would love Joe to be able to come too, it’s also not necessary.

Especially when he finds out what else is on your agenda before you say goodbye for good. 

Realizing your time with him could be cut at any moment, you decide it’s now or never to break the news to him. “There’s something I need to tell you, and I know right off the bat, you’re not going to be in agreement, but I need you to just hear me out.”

He’s hesitant and already skeptical but nods. “I’m listening.”

A deep breath followed by a quick prayer to the big man that Joe will at least try to be open to this plan. “I’m gonna go see my dad while I’m there.”

This is something you’ve really been thinking about, on and off, since the Christmas ordeal. It just hasn’t been such a major priority given all the other fires you’ve been having to put out. Alexis was right when she said the dynamic with your dad has a lot to do with the situation with Joe and not telling him about Callie.

And you being able to acknowledge that has made you realize you’ve been holding onto a lot of pain and anger towards that man. More pain than anything. And it’s time to let it go. The same way you’re leaving that town for good, albeit bittersweet, you need to drop the baggage of hurt at the door before the curtain closes permanently.

In this case, that means sitting in front of the man who is your biological father and nothing more, speaking your peace, and closing that chapter.

For good. 

To some extent, you expected, maybe more so hoped, for Joe to be more receptive. 

It was wishful thinking, at best.

Immediately, he protests, face turned up in a scowl that reminds you of Callie when she’s in one of her moods. “Like hell you—”

Closing your eyes, you do your best to keep your voice leveled. “Hear me out, please.”

“Y/N, do you not remember the last time you saw that man?” Most definitely do you remember. That was definitely a low moment for you. “You were a fucking wreck. I’m not seeing you go through that again, especially with you being pregnant.”

“Do you really think if I had even an inkling it wouldn’t be safe for our baby I’d be doing it? Come on, Joe. You know me. I would never put either of our children in harm's way.” And you know he knows this, knows this very well, but you can also understand his anxiety from a couple different angles. “Before when I saw him, I was still looking for his love and approval. I can admit that now.” It’s been a tough pill to swallow, going back and forth between emotion and logic, coming to grips with such an uncomfortable truth. “I don’t need that anymore. I don’t even want it. I have you. I have Callie. My mom. Our friends. Even this new baby, but if I’m leaving that town for good, I need to leave all of the hurt it brought me there too. That includes making my peace with him.”

When he still doesn't say anything, you continue to plead your case.

“I need to do this, Joe. I’m not asking you to understand.” You’re not quite sure he could. This is one of those things that unless you’ve lived it, lived with a neglectful, uninvolved parent, you just couldn’t get it. “I’m just asking you to trust me.”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, and you already know it’s because he’s sitting on your words, doing his best to meet you where you are. Eventually, he says in a resigned voice, “I don’t want you going alone.”

There’s an immense amount of gratitude for his blessing, and his request is more than fair.  You also figured as such, assuring him, “I already talked with Bianca about it. She’s gonna go with me.” 

This seems to make him feel at least a little bit better. He scratches his beard. “Alright. But the minute you start feeling off—”

“I’ll cut it off. I know.” That goes without saying. You meant what you said. Nothing could make you put your baby at risk. “Thank you, Joe.”

Not wanting this to be the last topic you discuss, you switch gears a bit to something that will hopefully lessen his unease. “I also think we should tell Callie when we come to see you next week. I just told the girls today, and I’m gonna tell my mom while I’m there. Callie deserves to know.” The order of which you’ve told people about your pregnancy isn’t exactly how you would have preferred it to go. In a perfect world, it would have been Joe, Calllie, your mom, and then your close friends. But, life be lifing, so you just have to roll with it as best you can. 

Joe nods. “I agree.” You overhear a distant voice in the background before his gaze falls on you. “I gotta go, babe.”

It’s hard not to feel disappointed. “I get it.” This pregnancy has your emotions a bit on the high, sensitive end, because there’s no reason for you to feel like crying just because this man has to get back to work. You miss him like crazy, sure, but this has always been a bit of the dynamic. You get him in doses, sometimes big, sometimes small. “Can we still call you tonight? You know Callie can’t sleep unless she can tell both of us goodnight.”

It’s such a twist, a beautiful, unexpected thing. Once upon a time, it was just you she needed to see and/or speak to before she could fall asleep. But now, it’s both you and Joe, and you honestly couldn't love that more. 

Their relationship and bond is so precious to you.

And now that you understand what Joe’s been through, you can see why he’s always willing to move heaven and earth for her. She’s the little girl he’s always wanted and finally has.

“Of course.” You weren’t expecting any other answer. “I love you.”

A warm smile sets on your face. “I love you too, baby.”

You settle on a time that works best for him and end the call. Ignoring the sadness at not being able to talk to him further, you walk back in the house for a sure pick-me-up.

“Well, it’s about time,” Bianca teases, dimples nice and pronounced. “Thought we were gonna have to check on ya’ll.”

“No, she’s back too early….” Alexis, as per usual, confuses you when she asks, “ya’ll weren’t having phone sex?” She curses and then grabs her purse, digging out her wallet, slapping a wad of cash into Jadah’s expecting hand.

“Told you,” Jadah says knowingly, smirk on her pretty face as she counts the cash. “One thing I do know about Joe is he’s an all out type of man. It’s rounds or nothing.” She then looks over at you, apologizing, “hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t.” It’s an honest answer. You’re old, mature, and secure enough to acknowledge and be okay with the fact your man has been with her in almost every way he’s probably been with you. Outside of the emotional connection component, which is really what matters the most to you. Sex would just be sex if you didn’t love him as much as you do. If he didn’t love you as much as he does. That’s what makes it so explosive. 

“Well, it bothers me!”  Kaylah looks so disgusted, and you can’t blame her. “Joe is literally like my brother!” 

Bianca cosigns with a shake of her head. “And it bothers me because Y/N literally is my sister.”

“That’s so wild, so ya’ll are half sisters, right?” Jadah asks, pointing between the two of you as you move back onto the sofa. “Same mom or…..”

“No, same dad, but we don’t claim him.”

Jadah makes an ‘O’ with her mouth as Alexis leans over to whisper something in her ear. “Got it. Daddy issues. Ya’ll should just jump him then.”

“That’s what I said! Stomp his ole’ mean ass.”

Yeah…..putting Alexis and Jadah together may have created a new kind of threat to society.

“Anyway.” Refocusing them is really the best and only option. “As we were discussing, ya’ll think I should bring it up to Joe when we fly there next week?” You then remember the pact mentality and aim your question toward Bianca. “Let me just ask you, cause you seem to be the only one who gets where I’m coming from.”

At that, Bianca opens and closes her mouth. “Oh. That. I…..I think you should just leave it alone. I’m sure Joe has his reasons.”

Now it’s your turn to look shocked. “What? That’s not what you said literally not even 10 minutes ago.”

Bianca switching up on you definitely wasn’t in the cards, especially since she was providing you all the affirmation and validation you were seeking in your dilemma. 

She looks off, almost in a guilty, sheepish way. “I changed my mind….”

“What did ya’ll say to her?” It’s directed toward Alexis and and even Jadah, because Kaylah doesn’t seem like the type to try to sway people one way or the other. “Can’t leave ya’ll asses alone for two minutes.”

“I don’t like your tone, Mama Mia. Watch it.” Alexis warns, and you can only roll your eyes. “What you need to be focused on is what you’re gonna wear to the Hall of Fame and WrestleMania.”

Kaylah gasps, also remembering. “Shit, I completely forgot about that.”

Your eyes land on her with premature excitement. “You’re going to the awards too?” She nods and you let out a big sigh of relief. “Oh thank god, I was kinda nervous. I’m sure Trinity is going too, but the more the merrier, I feel like I’m gonna be so out of place there or everyone’s going to hate me.”

“Girl, like Joe is going to let that happen.” Jadah is, surprisingly, the first one to jump to calm your nerves. “Him taking you in and of itself is such a ‘fuck you’ move. He really said ya’ll not about to bully the woman I love and think I’m finna just keep her on the backburner.”

“I agree.” Kaylah chimes, providing additional and useful context. “The internet wrestling community is a cesspool, and they’ll always find some reason to complain and bitch, but Joe has never been about that. He’s gonna have you on his arm regardless of who has something to say about it.” 

“Ummmm, why are we acting like majority of the internet isn’t all on Y/N’s dick now that ya’ll cleared up the air?” Alexis lifts her phone, adding, “I literally can’t get on TikTok or Twitter without seeing edits and photos of Y/N that the internet has dug up. They can’t get enough of her.”

“Her ass, specifically,” Jadah adds, and you shake your head. 

“I think what they’re trying to say is that maybe you should redirect your focus on fashion and hair choices vs public perception, because it seems to be in your favor currently.” Bianca’s advice is wise and on time. It also is very much giving off teacher vibes, just another thing you two can connect on.  

You’re really happy you asked her to come visit you. 

That you gave her a chance.

It’s proving to be a really good decision.

“Well, I’m gonna have my mom do my silk press while I’m there, so there’s that.” Typically, you avoid heat like the plague, sucking up the pain in the ass wash days to keep your curls hydrated and thriving. However, you’re okay with every now and then sitting in that damn chair for what feels like, and is, hours for these special occasions. And attending the Hall of Fame awards as well as WrestleMania definitely constitutes a special moment. “As far as fashion…..I have no idea. I don’t really have a lot of fancy clothes, and the ones I do have are before Callie and even now with the weight I’ve gained from this pregnancy already, I don’t know if I can still wear them.”

“Well then it’s obvious what we need to do.” Alexis says with a ‘duh’ tone. “We need to go find you some dresses! Like, today.”

“I probably do need to pick up something too.” Kaylah says with a heavy sigh. “I think Josh said something about wearing red.”

“Of course you have to wear red. That’s Bloodline colors.” 

You chuckle at Bianca’s enthusiasm. It’s kinda cool that she’s also into wrestling. You’re so tempted to ask Joe if he can get tickets for her, Darius, and Taylor, but you also don’t want to do too much. It already means a lot to you that he got tickets for your mom and Alexis. 

“I hate to pull the girls from their playing. They must be having a blast considering not one has come down in like over an hour.” It’s true. Not to mention you can also occasionally hear the chorus of giggles and shouting indicating just how great a time they’re having.

“I can watch them for ya’ll.”Jadah’s suggestion causes all sets of eyes to land on her. She rolls her eyes. “You all go get the shopping done, and I’ll stay here with the kids.”

“Jadah, you don’t have to—”

“I don’t mind. I’m not really that big on shopping anyway.” Finally. A difference between her and Alexis. “Plus, I have some client stuff I can get caught up with.”

You’re still reluctant, offering her another out. “If you’re sure….”

“Y/N, I would hope by now you’ve figured out I’m too blunt to lie. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.” Jadah shrugs, directing her next statement to Kaylah and Bianca. “If you’re also good with it too, of course.”

Bianca and Kaylah echo agreement with you, hence it being decided.

With a chuckle, you announce, “I guess we’re going shopping.”

———-

Things have been hard since you first landed back in your hometown.

Saying goodbye to your students was hard. 

Saying goodbye to friends in town has been hard. 

Bidding farewell to the apartment you first brought your sweet little girl home to after she was born was very hard.

Visiting your grandma’s grave one last time for who knows how long…..that’ll be brutal.

But this….confronting your father for the last time…

To say you’re a bit on the anxious side is putting it nicely. 

This was always going to be on the nerve inducing side for a variety of good and valid reasons. It’s just getting to the moment where it happens, where you sit in the parking lot of the restaurant he agreed to meet “you” at is just bringing out some indecision you’re certain comes from a place of anxiety.

Finally stepping out of the car, you and Bianca reach the door of the restaurant when she turns to you, mouth turned into a bit of a frown as she reminds, “you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s not about what I want to do. It’s about what I need to do, Bianca.” It’s the truth. This isn’t something you’ve been dying to have happen your entire life, but for the sake of your healing, it’s what needs to happen. “But, if you feel uncomfortable, I totally get—”

“Not at all.” She reaches for your hand. “You’ve got this.”

A deep breath followed by a head nod as you accept her hand. She gives you a little squeeze and opens the door, leading the way figuratively and literally. As expected, he’s already there and waiting, sitting near the back of the restaurant. You’re not surprised a man like him is right on time. He seems like the punctual bastard type.

And Bianca has reiterated as such before. 

Together, you walk hand in hand towards him. Your eyes never leave him, watching as he lights up with a genuine smile at seeing Bianca, but that smile almost instantly drops when he sets his gaze on you.

Expected. 

Wholly expected.

Immediately, his nose is turned up in visible disgust, primarily directed toward you. “Bianca, what is the meaning of this?”

“What?” Her voice is full of nonchalance as is the expression on her face. “I told you your daughter wanted to speak with you.”

He just didn’t know which daughter.

There’s no denying or misunderstanding his anger at the subterfuge. He shoots up from the table. “I’m not putting up with—”

Bianca is quick with it, assertively informing him, “if you want even a chance of seeing Taylor again, you’re gonna sit right back down and hear her out.” It means the world to you that not only has Bianca agreed to be here with you today, but it’s the fact that she’s willing to be so loyal to you.

Like a sister.

Because she is your sister. 

He scoffs almost immediately. “Using my grandchild to blackmail me? That’s low, Bianca. Your mother and I raised you better than that.”

She crosses her arms and matches his energy. “You are the last person that needs to be talking about raising anyone.” She then looks at you, placing a comforting hand on your arm. “I’ll be right over there if you need me, okay?”

Nodding, she gives you one last supportive squeeze and ignores her father to walk over and slide into a booth across the room. 

Left alone, you watch him begrudgingly sit down so he’s across from you, same set of brown eyes locking. It kills you how much of yourself you can see in him, starting with the same set of eyes. You just have to remind yourself that that’s where the similarities end. 

“This won’t take long, which I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear.” He doesn’t agree nor disagree, not that it makes much of a difference to you. At all. “I’m moving from this town. Tomorrow’s the day I hand over my keys, and I’ll officially be living in Florida full time. Not that you care, because we both know you never have and never will give a flying fuck about me.”

“Is there a point to this?” The edge in his voice, maybe even a couple months ago, might have killed you. Stolen your joy. Now, it does nothing. He no longer has that power over you, because you’ve taken that power back. 

And it feels so damn good.

“I did it, you know.” Without giving him a chance, if he even would, to respond, you continue. “I made something of myself. I’m successful. I have a career. I found love all without you ever doing a goddamn thing for me.”

For a second, you swear you see a different emotion flash in his familiar irises, but it’s gone almost instantly, replaced with that permanent disdain you refuse to allow sway you from your goal.

“I have a man who loves me in every single healthy way that exists, who loves our daughter more than there are words in all the languages put together.” Emotion chokes you up, but you manage to stick with the mental points you made for this conversation. “And you wanna know something? We conceived her when he was still married.”

Leaning forward as you lower your voice, both for privacy and emotionality. “But, I didn’t tell him. I deprived him and our little girl for the first almost five years of her life because I was so scared that he was going to be like you, that he was going to reject her and hurt her the way you hurt me.”

It’s a bit painful for you to verbalize those words, but also so damn liberating to free them from the confines of your subconscious.

To also release those shackles they had on you. 

“But, I was so so so wrong, because he is the best damn dad she could have asked for, and he was angry with me for not telling him about her. He wanted to be in her life. He wanted her. And it’s through that I finally realized something.”

Your voice cracks as you finally release your truth and acknowledge freedom from over 30 years of emotional bondage.

“I’ve finally realized after all these years that it’s not that I’m not good enough for you.” You shake your head, pointing at him with all the intention and determination you can muster up. “You’re not good enough for me. Not good enough to be my dad. Definitely not good enough to be a grandfather to my kids. Not good enough to be in my life.” There isn’t an ounce of hesitation or a stutter in your voice. “It’s not that I don’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t deserve to be in mine. You never did, and you never will.”

And never again will you seek out that love and validation from him. You don’t need it. 

You never did.

“I actually feel sorry for you, because I am an amazing, strong black woman who was raised by an even more amazing, strong black woman who was also raised by a phenomenal black woman. And my daughter….” Just thinking about Callie, her warm smile and the great big hug she gave you, before you and Bianca left her and Taylor with your mom, makes you all choked up again. “—is the kindest, sweetest, smartest kid you could ever meet. But as long as there is breath in my body, you will not know her or any other kids I bring into this world.”

That’s a promise, an oath, a swear on everything that you love and hold dear.

“After today, you are dead to me, and I truly hope you one day see all that you missed out on, but I’m not going to wait around for that. I’m going to spend the rest of my life surrounded with love and family because that’s what I deserve.” Grabbing your purse and sliding out the booth, you make eye contact with Bianca who starts to head over. “Take care, Captain Wilson.”

As soon as she’s at your side, he shoots up from the booth. “Bianca, if you leave with that girl—”

“That woman,” Bianca corrects with all the sharpness. “You mean my sister?”

His lips turn up with a hateful snarl. “This hoodrat trash is not your sister.”

You actually laugh at his words, laugh at the fact that he’s truly so pathetic and a piece of shit he couldn’t even take any of what you just said to heart. It also makes you wonder if he’s aware of all the shit that’s been happening online regarding you. Not that it makes a difference.

It’s just something else he would try to use to justify not being in your life.

Like a coward.

“No.” She lifts her chin, taking your hand. “She is my sister, but you?” Bianca shakes her head, and you can hear the emotion catch in her voice. “You’re not my father. You’re the trash.”

If he offers a visible response to her harsh words, you’ll never know because Bianca tugs on your hand, directing the both of you to turn around as she marches you out the restaurant. Once out of the vicinity, she spins you around and brings you in for a big, loving hug.

“I’m so damn proud of you.” Eyes closing, you accept and lean into her embrace. You’re also insanely proud of you. “You said what you had to say. The ball is in his court now.”

“I highly doubt he’s gonna do anything with it.” Separating, you again thank her. “I really appreciate you being here with me today. I’m not sure Joe would have been okay with me doing this, if you weren’t here.”

She smirks, head tilted to the side. “Nowhere else I’d rather be, hun.”

It’s the truth. Along with the fact that you’re not even sure you would and even could have gone through with this if not for her assistance and support. It’s crazy how the people you’ve met in recent months have become such important figures in your life and the people you thought were important are now strangers.

Life….always a wild ride, for sure.

“And speaking of Joe….” She’s understandably confused as you casually throw out, “guess who’s going to WrestleMania with her little sister?”

Bianca’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “Seriously?” Laughing, you nod. “Oh my god—” She captures you in another big hug, the two of you nearly hopping like damn teenagers. “Wait, just me or—”

“Of course not. Taylor and Darius too. I feel like he might divorce your ass if you tried to go without him.”

“You’re not entirely wrong.” Her laughter lessens as she looks at you with admiration and appreciation. “You really didn’t have to do that, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t that big a deal.” And it wasn’t. After biting the bullet and pushing aside unnecessary anxiety, you just shot Joe a text asking if there was any way Bianca and her family could attend Mania. His response was an almost instant yes. “Besides….we’re sisters.” Your eyes begin to water as you give a one shoulder shrug. “We look out for each other.”

Her smile matches the emotionality of this moment. “You’re damn right we do.” Sniffling, she wipes her eyes and then gasps. “Shit, now I need to find a dress. Does this town have any stores where I could maybe find something?”

Her question is so laughable. “Not really, sis. Let’s just wait till we fly home. I’m sure we could find you something there. Maybe the boutique where I got my dresses."

Home…..

You’re not sure if you’ve referred to Florida as home prior to this moment, but it feels so good, so right. Like it’s where you’re supposed to be. Where you were always supposed to be. 

Home with your daughter, with your man, with the baby growing inside you.

With your family.

[feathered-mushrooms]

Scott Summers ahead Cannons

he is my favorite loser boy

Due to growing up on it, Scott tends to throw himself into the danger room whenever he feels an emotion more than fine. He does not know a limit, which his led to “Scott patrol”. Oh Scott hasn’t left the danger room for five hours? Rouge it’s your turn, I pulled him out last time. 

Scott can’t handle to much down time, or being bored. He constantly feels like there is something he should be doing, and therefore will constantly find something to do. 

Charles has done a number on him. He is the reason Scott is so high strung, why failure isn’t just a lesson to learn from but an entire judgement of his character, why he can’t just breathe. He needs to be the leader and the man everyone can count on, he needs to be everything Charles wants him to be. 

This is not a healthy way of thinking. 

Scott has a special interest in planes. It started when he was young and then had a pause after the plane crash that killed his parents. However he picked it up again and now can tell you the difference between a commercial flight and a jet. He also knows how to pilot seven different types of aircraft and even got official license for each.

He is Bi.

It took him frighteningly long to figure this out. 

Scott has issues with social skills(projecting). He can speak sarcasm just fine and makes many jokes in that medium. However he has a hard time figuring out people are being sarcastic, especially if the joke is around him. 

He would wear a dress. Not in public, but if Jean offered he would try one of her dresses on in the safety of a bed room. He would like it. 

Game nights were originally hidden from Scott who(due to the professors absurdly high expectations) does not handle losing well. He loves to point out the rules and technicality’s, and will not play Uno with any variations. He’s not a sore loser par say, it just gets depressing for everyone watching. 

When he was young he kept only one pair of ruby glasses and one visor. As he has aged(and been influenced by Emma) he know has a collection of ruby glasses in all types and styles. 

Star Wars is his comfort show/movie/universe

Pretty equal on cats and dogs but leans towards dogs. 

His chances of being a toddler dad had been pretty ruined but he thinks it would be nice to raise a kid alongside a dog. Maybe a golden retriever. 

He does not mind cats though. 

He often feels weird in his place as a parent. Nathan is his kid but some much time has been lost that Scott can’t help but yearn for the mile stones that were missed and lost to time. He misses everything he was promised as a father. The same is true for Rachel although it is a little weirder. Yes she is his, but from a future that will never happen. He often feels guilty because in the end he has two great kids, but he wishes he could raise a kid in a normal sense. 

He just wants to be a father. 

When he was their step father, Scott showed the Cuckoos Star Wars. He keeps checking in on them, even after he and Emma are no longer together. 

Scott’s type is a person who will be mean to him, and could probably kill him, but have a soft spot.

Even if that soft spot is very hidden. 

He can make a really good grilled cheese. There was a week in his teens were there was low x-men activities and not a lot to do in the mansion so he dedicated his days to perfecting the grilled cheese. He makes it anytime he thinks someone needs some comfort. 

He’s eyes are brown under the visor. 

Never played DnD but very interested in it. Researched it a whole lot and has watched a lot of play throughs. Has even mentioned it to the rest of the squad and most were down to try. However it was forgotten due to the next world ending event. Scott still thinks about it and the character he made. 

He is doing his best but often over exerts himself which leads to sick days. On these days he is forced to cuddle up in a blanket and watches either the Star Wars orignal movies or one of the shows. Most times someone will be designated to sit with him so he doesn’t try and get up and do work. 

On these days Logan often takes the job. 

That all for now!

[syndrossi]

Back with more dragon lore:

How much hatchling raising is done older dragons? (Both ideally and in the current system that the Targs have if its different) Are they actually tended and cared for, or are they left to fend for themselves after a certain point? Because if the care Caraxes is showing now persists to teaching them, that could mean the two hatchlings are learning the war tricks of a veteran dragon while being projected as being absolutely huge...

Dadraxes: Humans can carry bent branchs that fling sharp splinters. They may not hurt your scales, but they can tear your wings and harm your human. What do we do to anything that hurts our human?

Qelebrys: Claw, fangs and fire.

Shadow: Char well before swallowing.

Dadraxes: those were both good answers. But remember, when diving towards an army, you always want to dive flame first. Now, what do we do when we pull out of a dive over an army?

*takes out Rhaegar's newly gifted books for transcribing dragon lore*

These days, I expect very little raising is done by the dragons themselves, with the Dragonkeepers filling the role of caretaker as well as guard. It's that thing where the more responsibilities your position has, the greater the job security / prestige, with the Dragonkeepers seizing more duties over the decades.

Whereas in the wild, they would be spending years with their parents. Since dragons are very large creatures with high caloric needs and a long lifespan, they need their parents for longer. I tend to have the maturity ranges for dragons at first year = infant/toddler, years 1-7 = child, 8-13 = teen, and 14+ = adult. They can technically be on their own probably sometime in childhood, since they'll be big enough in the wild to hunt for their own food, but they can still be preyed upon by other dragons.

In Valyria, I expect it was a balance. You want the hatchlings raised from birth to develop communication/cooperation skills with humans, but dragons are the best teachers for dragon skills: hunting, killing, navigating, etc. So they had that "co-parent" style model we've talking about before, where the mother's rider took on the role of the other parent.

Luke and Jace spend more time with their hatchlings than most, and Syrax being Rhaenyra's mount means that they get more time with their actual mother than other hatchlings in the pit do, which is helpful/healthy for Arrax and Vermax.

But Qelebrys and Shadow are getting a ton of parenting already from Caraxes, especially now that they're in the Red Keep's enclosure with him. Once they're big enough to keep up with him in the air, I can imagine the lessons really taking off. (And of course there is co-parenting from all three of Jon, Rhaegar, and Daemon.)

Squealing with pure joy at your General Dadraxes lesson, it's so cute! 🥰 And also practical! Because you're right, he has that valuable experience he gets to pass down to ensure that they don't lose their riders to thrown sticks, and that enemy humans protect themselves appropriately against the very LARGE pointy sticks they like to attack dragons with. And definitely to char before you swallow. *nod*

[blueorchid-95]

something random I was thinking about but. There are Lore Implications in the Reginald Mimic Mask

In Operation Stage Fright, the handler distantly recognizes the Fabricator’s voice after she gives her first instructions to you. Once you get to the combat bit, Reginald fully recognizes her and identifies her order to kill you as “not an idle threat”, meaning he’s likely had experience with her while he was a field agent—and considering his concern, it wasn’t a good one. It’s also worth noting that she’s the only one of Zor’s henchmen that he’s genuinely afraid of in the main games—he doesn’t react to Hivemind or Caliente, and most other Zoraxis employees don’t get much of a reaction from him, like the Zoraxis defector during the train operation. (Note: these examples are all from the first I Expect You To Die game, where he is actively keeping himself emotionally distant from the agent.)

Later, during Operation Jet Set, Juniper claims that the plan has been “years in the making”, which tells us he’s been working with Zoraxis for quite a while. The plan he’s referring to seems to be the airplane traps, but that seems too small-scale to be worth so much credit, especially with the nuclear codes plan going on behind the scenes. It’s worth noting that this plan would also probably never work again: the agent’s death/disappearance would warn the Agency of Juniper’s alliance and they would take extra care when arranging transportation for the remaining agents to avoid a repeat incident.

This brings up a new question: What plan was Juniper referring to? What necessitated our death on that plane?

The nuclear codes, of course. The Fabricator can’t make a mask of such intricacy in such a short time, after all. Nobody could. I’ll admit that the world of I Expect You To Die is a little less than realistic (looks over shoulder at Agent Phoenix standing directly above boiling lava in Operation KBOOM) but between the sheer amount of masks and other relevant tech she’s made for the operation (the Citizen’s Arrest device, the snack cart on the airplane), there’s no way this would have been a fast-moving op.

So, with this in mind, it’s easy to assume this plan was in its preparation phase for many years until the week Agent Phoenix sends it all down the drain. Since it was so slow-moving, I can imagine Dr. Zor trying other things in the interim to keep the Agency from finding out too much—the Death Engine, for example. Something like that could also be used to support their regime once the long plan is through, and likely took just as long to make because it is another incredibly intricate project.

But I’m getting off track. Even with all of these important plans and many, MANY pieces of technology to create, the Fabricator still has a mask styled after the Handler, seemingly made only to fool an agent that nobody in Zoraxis thought they’d have to deal with again. Considering the time span of The Spy And The Liar against the sheer amount of projects she was handling, it is physically impossible for her to have made the Handler’s Mimic Mask. She can’t have just programmed it in to the original mask, because the game implies that there’s a separate mask for each world leader. After all, the Fabricator still has a mask stored in her desk despite sending one to Juniper already, and it wouldn’t make sense to keep passing the mask back and forth between imitations—plus, if Juniper has to have the Fabricator alter the mask every time he acts as a world leader (the only reason I could identify as to why he’d give it back to her after getting it) the plot would take much longer than it actually does because of the finicky technology that would need to be reworked each time. Plus, why the heck would Juniper give a functioning mask with all four relevant leaders back to the Fabricator? There’s nothing to be improved there, and even if she wanted to there’s no possible way she could add the Handler’s face and voice so perfectly in under four days, regardless of whether or not she already knew him. Not to mention that she seems to be a bit of a perfectionist, focusing on making the entire mask as perfect as she can—down to the smallest wrinkle. Therefore, I believe that all four world leader masks and the Handler mask are separate pieces.

So now we’re hit with the big questions: What, exactly, does the Handler have to do with any of this? Why did the Fabricator make a mask of him?

I believe that the two of them crossed paths when Reginald was an active field agent. There’s no way to know what happened between them, but whatever occurred prevented either of them from forgetting the other.

Perhaps, the Reginald Mimic Mask was made as a failsafe. In case the Agency managed to get ahold of the nuclear briefcase, Juniper could don the mask and infiltrate agency headquarters to retrieve it with very little question. But then Reginald became a handler, and the mask became essentially useless—if Reginald wasn’t out on the field, it would be near impossible to mimic him and get away with it. So, the mask sits in the Fabricator’s desk, forgotten and pointless—but then Agent Phoenix comes back from the dead.

How would the Fabricator have known Reginald was involved? Easy. The Masque of the Red Death. He explicitly tells us that he managed to “snag a ticket to the show”, so he’s sitting in the audience. Considering that the Fabricator is likely acting as the technical director or a similar backstage role, it’s not impossible to believe she could have seen him. However, her lack of reaction implies she doesn’t see him as a threat, so she fails to take action concerning him and his agent until she’s discovered that the agent is responsible for the destruction of the Death Engine.

If we subscribe to the theory that there’s five Mimic Masks instead of just the one, then the mask we encounter in Operation Eaves Drop is one that’s been sitting in storage, unused, in years. The Fabricator likely gave it to Juniper during Operation Party Crasher, and he retreated to his office to practice the new role after spending time with the guests. The mask we send up to him is likely the new world leader mask mentioned in Operation Jet Set.

This accounts for several factors. Juniper’s had years to practice and prepare to act as all of the world leaders, but he’s had hours at most to prepare for his role as the agent’s Handler. Therefore, when he needs to deceive the agent, his acting isn’t on point. He’s got all of the world leaders down, but he’s never even heard Reginald speak (unless you count the phone call that starts off the Operation Jet Set song on the soundtrack, and even then that isn’t much). He knows nothing but what the Fabricator tells him, and all of that information is from when the Handler was a field agent, since that’s the last time she had contact with him.

In contrast, though, I think the Agency set was built around the time Reginald was a field agent. Why? Simple: it was built for our handler, not us. If Juniper was going to retrieve the briefcase by imitating a certain agent, he’d need that specific agent to be out of the way first, stored away for an indefinite amount of time. So, build a small set to make him think he’s still at the Agency, and keep him there. If he discovers the illusion, use the citizen’s arrest device to keep him nice and imprisoned. That explains why there’s Zoraxis equipment in the locked drawer—Juniper forgot he left it there after so many years, likely only remembering when Agent Phoenix reached for the drawer. While the rest of Juniper’s set saw use as he practiced his roles (which incidentally also accounts for why the Zoraxis emblem is still polished if the set is years old—he’d need to clean it any time he wished to rehearse with it, which would probably be often during The Spy and the Liar considering how the plan is coming into play), he would have very little reason to maintain the Agency set—which explains why it’s so poorly designed. I mean, the logo falls off the wall with incredible ease, and we’re being given an agency meal in the medical wing, of all places. Juniper didn’t anticipate having to use it in the long run, since that set wasn’t designed for us.

Summarized, here’s our main takeaways from this:

Reginald must have been one hell of a field agent, since the Fabricator saw fit to make a Mimic Mask of him.

Whatever encounter Reginald had with the Fabricator likely proved decently traumatic for him. She seems unbothered by it.

The Handler Mimic Mask likely doesn’t look exactly like Reginald, because of the time difference. The Fabricator may have estimated how the Handler would look when he’s older to fit with the timetable, but human biology doesn’t always work how we want it to.

Overall, the fact that the Fabricator had a mask of Reginald’s face ready has allowed us to set several basic events on a timeline that makes relative sense.

I apologize for the wall of text. Thank you for reading though ^v^

[wachtelspinat]

Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

[crispyfriedshark]

Thoughts for Yandere Au of The Fangame "Resident Lover" PART 2:

𝑫𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒆𝒍𝒂 𝑫𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒖:

- Everyone was shocked, the most adorable(not her abs tho) and innocent, THE youngest Dimitrescu to be THAT violent, it taken 4 people and her sisters to stop her from almost killing the person who decided to touch you, suddenly placing their arms around you? Infront of her?, Pray for the person's face because it was almost not recognizable after everyone stopped Daniela.

-Territorial, AS IN, she whould toss her jacket and say "wear this, so you can feel I'm always with you" , whould follow you sometimes, she often replace you're shampoo similar to one she use, any items? Replaced.

-often pop up out of nowhere whenever you didn't tell her where did you go or there was a group project that you forgot to tell her, her eyes when she see you with someone other than her was scary it's like she's ready to pounce anytime soon

-Angie have to sleep with her aunty because Daniela was soo mad that when you woke up from her "punishment" next morning you look like a dog's chew toy, bite marks every where.

𝑨𝒍𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑫𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒖/𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒓 𝑫:

-Elegance and Class, of course no one whould expect a thing, so why the hell she have 5 sculpture of you?, finest details like those statues you adore

-Having the power she have, she whould bend you're schedule so you can stay longer in her class, "teaching" you everything.

-There were one time a student who spreads a rumors about a five sculpture of you found in the arts class, no one believes them(shame), although people where confuse now on where was this person who spread the rumor, last time they found em' was talking with professor D(also the day you found out about the statues)

-Jealousy was the most scariest thing she shows to you, imagine getting Locked(for 5 weeks) to her room only her trusted servants can visit you and offer your needs, she whould punish you if you disobey.

-It took THE Headmistress to ask where were you, and Alcina finally calming down she let you go, but of course everyone was worried why you look like you run away from a dragon........ ..because you almost did, and that day you realize you can't run away from her.

𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒆 𝑩𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐:

-The party animal, THE Angie beneviento,THE Miss "I can drink more than 50 shots" who whould have though she WAS that scary, it was unexpected really, first she was all very happy around everyone but the moment she saw you getting hit on by some random gals because you are too wasted that you didn't know shit, ohhh girl, to tell you that she actually throw herself and claw the girl that flirted to you, it was bloody for sure everyone have to stop her, she was yelling in Italian for sure, and dragged you out

-Jealousy cannot be avoided especially in the relationship with her, truth to tell, you already told everyone you are dating her but some says otherwise, knowing that Angie is Asexual and being sweet and affectionate was already a display before you two was a thing it was hard, some girls whould sometimes flirt with you even Infront of her not knowing you two are REALLY a thing, God knows how much you learn how fast she speak while she cuss the living shit out of them in Italian.

-She is very possessive when she's not drunk, afraid to lose you, like how she lose her mother, it's scary when she speak to you in serious tone.

-hugging you while looking at the person that hit on you was her ways of showing "their mine".

𝑴𝒊𝒂:

-She's a psychopath don't be surprised

-24/7 whould stalk you

-becoming her lover was surprising enough so was her habits

-One student thought it was fun to dare their classmate to kiss you in cheeks randomly for 50 bucks, guess what? The poor student almost have her face rip off by Mia when she found out about this, luckily the other sororities was there to stop this woman from making a crime.

-The dared student was not forgiven also, Mia have to be in dorm suspension for 10 weeks because she send that student begging for their life Infront of the council's door

-Nothing can stop this woman from randomly breaking in to you're dorm, blocking? No help, girl dead ass pull up a chainsaw once to open you're room because you blocked it

-She's into knife play(maybeee), you're punishment will result of few cuts, whould often bite you're ear as she whisper some of the most unholy shit in you're ear reminding you why and how did you become lovers with this woman... Oh wait you remember.

-This lady kidnaped you before, blackmailing you also, be her lover or else, you're life was on the line that time

-talk about possessiveness, she have her name carved in you're back, it was made weeks ago, a punishment for escaping, reminding yourself never do that again.

My thoughts turn to something.. I wonder if I should officially make some yandere fics for them.. Hmm..

Angie and Mia was fun to write I know their both crazy to the core.

[adaptacy]

A Found Flame {Pt.6}

Pairing: Mentor!Gale Dekarios x Apprentice!GN!Reader

(Previous Chapter) — (Next Chapter) ➔ (AO3)

Word Count: 2.5k

Using your elbow – every one of your fingers already burdened with merchandise – to push back the hood of your shawl, you give a small shake of your head, the heavy entryway door closing behind you. The first inhale is always the most pleasant, a gentle reminder of your security. A reminder of home. It took a while to get used to the musk of old books and dust, and even longer to begin enjoying it, but you find it soothing nowadays. Even to the extent of being immediately calmed upon entering a library that carried a similar scent, no matter how far it may have been from the tower.

“I’m back!” You call out, moving off to the left and promptly stepping out of the black fur boots you’d been wearing. There isn’t an immediate response, but you aren’t particularly expecting one; more than likely, he’s buried his nose into yet another book in his study, and the walls are thick enough to keep him from picking up on your return, especially given his habit of becoming completely enraptured by scripture. 

Instead of heading directly for said study, you turn right, moving under an open archway into a modest kitchen, the only lighting coming in the form of the afternoon sunlight through the windows that span two of the walls. There’s a small, round dining table, complete with two chairs – there were rarely any guests, so there never had been much of a need for any extra. There had always been two chairs. It used to be for guests – once upon a time, you were that guest. And yet when you became as much of an inhabitant of the house as the chairs, Gale never did buy a third. 

You set down the two baskets that were hanging from your left arm, filled with the items he’d requested you retrieve. You were usually the one to stay up-to-date on what needed to be restocked, as you were the one to go out and fetch said items, so to have him send you on a sudden quest to the inner city was… unusual, to say the least. A dead giveaway that he needed you gone – busy – for one reason or another, and given his past tension-causing confession, you were quick to connect the dots. You didn’t mind; getting some time to reflect by yourself was nice, and it let the slate be lightly dusted off to prepare for a sweeter, less bitter, parting word. 

That peace – the reassurance of knowing you’d be able to speak to him once more – is quickly wiped away when you push open the doors to his study, and your “Gale?” goes completely without a response. It isn’t any surprise to feel your heart drop, and your worst fears have seemingly come to life. 

Instead of the messy-haired, disarmingly sweet wizard that you’d expected, you find an… Uncomfortably familiar, near transparent projection of him. He stands, blankly smiling, staring at some point in your general direction, but several astral planes away. His smile is still there, but if anything it makes you wish you were armed, as the light of concentrated weave spilled through his teeth, making the emptiness behind it all more apparent. “Ah! You’ve returned!” It chimes, more akin to a doorbell than any person you’ve ever known.

“...Gale?” You ask, because you recognize that it looks like him, but this surely is not him.

The projection raises a finger and wiggles it, shaking his head. “Not quite, but a fine guess you’ve made! I am but a projection of the esteemed wizard,” it answers, folding that same arm across his waist and taking a bow. You instinctually take a step backwards, wanting to put a little more space between yourself and this thing. “I stand in his place this evening to deliver a message of great importance to you.”

“Go on,” you sigh, gaining the confidence to awkwardly shift past him, going around a divider in the room to instead approach an unlit, but wood-occupied, fireplace between a loveseat and a matching chair. The soulless eyes don’t follow your movement, instead looking towards the entrance to the study, not registering your shift in position. 

“The great Gale Dekarios has departed on a mission of utmost urgency. I must assure you that it is not an endeavor that involves his death. Instead, it is quite the opposite! He aims to find a cure for his disease, but had to leave quickly due to the dire circumstances he finds himself in,” he explains, hands stiff at its sides, his head being the only animated part of the explanation. 

You crouch before the logs, pausing to process the words being voiced to the room. Lifting a spare sliver of log – one that you’d cut yourself – you toss it into the fire, ensuring there’s enough to hold a flame for long enough to warm the room. Then you reach for a box of matchsticks and strike an iridescent flame, waving it momentarily before tossing it into the fireplace, managing a small smile as the spark carries to the logs and begins to warm your front. 

At last, you stand, turning back to the transparent Gale and you remove your shawl, hooking it on the corner of the wall divider. Taking a stance in front of it again, you wave your hand, but it doesn’t react to the movement. It opens its mouth, and once more the white emptiness behind its teeth is revealed, empty fog exhaled through the lips, dissipating almost immediately when it meets the air of the room. “The great Gale Dekarios has departed on a missi–”

“Yeah, I heard you the first time,” you cut in, shaking your head. “Did he take Tara with him?”

“Tara the Tressym remains here, in the tower. Should she be absent, she’s most likely getting herself into trouble. Alas, Gale travels with nary a companion,” it replies.

“Great. Pet-sitting…” You hum, scratching your jaw. “Where is he going, exactly?”

“I have been forbidden from sharing his locale. For fear of any intentions to follow.” 

“Oh dear, my dreams have been crushed,” you murmur, finding the entire situation rather irritating. “He’s truly not going off somewhere to die?”

“He made a promise. Gale Dekarios is not a man to betray his promises. He has not yet said his goodbyes. You will, most assuredly, hear his farewells before he dares part from this plane.” 

Even if the voice is echoey and distant, it brings a small smile to your face. Moreso the words it chants, but it’s a smile nonetheless. “How long until he comes back?”

“Approximately three weeks.”

“Gods, okay…” Your smile is almost immediately wiped, and you cringe, crossing your arms in front of your chest. The projection flickers, and you fear you’re running out of time. “Is there anything else I need to know?” 

“That is all I was commanded to inform you of. However, he expressed anxiety of you discovering things he does not desire to be publicized. On my counterpart’s behalf, I recommend you refrain from prying in any of his private quarters.” 

You raise an eyebrow, and nod slowly. You definitely didn’t have any intention of doing so, nor did the idea ever cross your mind – though you couldn’t help but feel your curiosity spike at the possibility being brought up. And moreover, being warned against, though not due to real Gale’s intentions. “Right… I’ll refrain,” you answer, and the projection nods, his smile splitting into a larger grin.

“Shall that be all?”

“Yeah, that’s all,” you answer, and nearly immediately, the transparent Gale waves and disappears, leaving you alone in the study. Looking around, you notice that the scrolls aren’t organized as well as you’d displayed them earlier, instead lying in awkward piles on the shelves. Pouting for a moment, you clear your throat and call out to the tower: “Tara! I lit a fire!”

A few moments, mere seconds later, a fluffy winged calico comes rushing through the door that leads to Gale’s bedroom, and she looks up at you, some glint of dissatisfaction in her dark eyes. “Judging by the lack of a shimmering Gale in the room, I presume you’ve heard the news?” 

“Yeah, I have,” you reply, unable to ignore the slight awkward tension in the room. The two of you were far from close – if anything, it sometimes felt like she wished you hadn’t been so eager to take up his offer of extending your apprenticeship. The Tressym continues walking, jumping onto the loveseat and curling up by the fire. You follow, sitting on the opposite side of the velvet couch from her. “Where’s he going?”

“He means to visit an old friend. One who may have a better understanding of potential solutions to his Netherese problem,” she purrs in response. 

“Is he visiting Mystra herself?” You chuckle, finding it hard to believe that anyone else could possibly know more about the orb than Gale.

Her tail flicks, nose upturned in irritancy. “As if! The longer – and further – he strays from that wench, the better off he is. It’s another old wizard he’ll be traveling for. One with even more experience than himself. And a less damaged relationship with his goddess.” 

“Gale told me about her. The truth, I mean. Barely a goddess, if you ask me. I always thought they were supposed to be, like, holy and merciful, or something. I’m surprised he still speaks so highly of her,” you add, pulling your knees to your chest as you tug a blanket off the back of the loveseat, draping it over yourself. 

“Ah, at least you have some sense about it all. A lovesick fool he was,” she utters, clearly upset at the situation, and it’s easy to see why. “He was but a boy when Mystra got her paws on him – I was there to witness it all. How his eyes glowed at her raving reviews, her promises of power. How hard she tried to lure him in with the weave. And yet all he wished for was her approval.” 

“I never knew they were lovers – figured he was just one of her chosen, since she’d mentored him. Talk about a power imbalance.” Stretching out your hands, you hold your palms towards the fire, the sensations making quick work of your stress, relaxing your muscles along with your mind, and melting the tension along with it. 

“For a while, she was. He’d heard stories – read them himself, about her tendencies to tangle with her worshippers. And you understand I don’t merely mean that metaphorically. Alas, too good-hearted a man he was. Granting her the benefit of the doubt, as though she were a mere mortal in need of mercy. And soon, he too became tangled with her. It was never truly reciprocated, the love he felt for her. Her yearning was only for…”

She trails off, but you’re quick to finish her sentence; “Physical affection. Gods, what a bitch.” 

Tara purrs out a chuckle, and you’re pretty sure this is the first time she’s ever expressed amusement with you and didn’t do so in a condescending manner. “Hardly a saint. A pretty sight, but a wicked woman. I did all I could to warn against his affections for her, but my words fell on love-deafened ears. If only I could have convinced him. Even to this day, he shows an entirely unwarranted respect for her. What he did, toying with the weave itself, was his biggest blunder. An ocean of mysteries and unfiltered power – one he should’ve known better than to swim into. An intelligent mind, perhaps the smartest one I’ve ever come to know, but an absolutely tactless decision that mind managed to make.”

You can hear her regret in her tone, as though she blames herself for his mistake. Though it’s hesitant, you reach out a hand and place it on her back, and you feel her muscles stiffen. Your thumb brushes her fur, and she seems unwilling to accept your palm’s presence, but eventually she settles, easing into your petting. “He’s a stubborn man. Sounds like not even Mystra herself could dissuade him from his mission. Do you think this ‘old friend’ might really grant him a chance?”

“I think that, if anyone, he’s our best chance. And only remaining one, at that. For his sake, I hope that his confidence is not misplaced.”

“What made him have such a change of heart, anyways?” You ask, looking back at the fire.

“Whatever do you mean?” She hums, and there’s some sense of secretive pride buried on her tongue. 

“He seemed plenty ready to throw himself to the mountains and give in to the blight. What made him change his mind?”

“Oh, I’m sure it was just one of his books. Quite the impact those pages seem to have on him,” she chuckles, and you can’t help but furrow a brow. Certainly, it hasn’t been any book that you’ve read, as you can’t see a world in which the books he’s read tens of times would suddenly cause a complete 180 in his plans. You recall the projection’s mention of avoiding his private quarters, and you also remember Gale mentioning a few times that he has a private collection of books, and… well, it makes perfect sense where your mind travels. 

And you decide, seeing as how he’s chosen to completely abandon you for an entire three weeks, it’s only fair that you get back at him. And since he seemed so concerned with leaving behind his books for your inheritance, you might as well get a peek at what exactly that inheritance might include! Besides, they’re just books. How private do they really need to be? 

“I ought to be retiring. Might you be interested in practicing a lesson or two tomorrow? Seeing as how I don’t have my usual human to look after, I suppose you will make due. And I’ve witnessed Gale’s educational journey for many a year, so I’m sure I could offer some assistance in the way of your own education,” she offers, standing up and stretching, and you pull your hand away.

“Oh, sure. I’d like that, actually.”

“Very well. Bright and early tomorrow morning, yes? There’s fresh salmon in the pantry icebox. It must be sliced into squares.”

“Salmon?”

“My breakfast, dear. Has Gale taught you nothing?” She teases, and you chuckle quietly.

“Right. Salmon. Sliced into squares. I can do that.”

“Much appreciation.” Tara dips her head and hops off of the couch, wandering back into Gale’s bedroom, the door left open just a crack. 

You spend a little longer by the fire before eventually going into your own sparsely decorated bedroom, the area hardly homey, but still very much a home to you. Had you more time, you certainly would’ve spent a bit of extra gold to pick up some decorations, but aside from a bookshelf of spare stories and a few items of jewelry that had been gifted to you, there wasn’t much that truly belonged to you. The bed was small, but fit you fine, and there was little to complain about. 

Collapsing back onto the bed, you let out a soft sigh, thoughts quietly buzzing about what Gale – err, projection Gale – wished to hide from you. Though soon, your thoughts fizzle out, silenced by a blinding blanket of sleep. 

[blade-that-was-broken]

JD's Squad

A few notes on the beginning of John's squad for Soldier On - this is not a finished list; just what I have for now. The Current Cast is John Dory, Delta Dawn, Dickory, Chaz, Pete (Retired), Tresillo (new) but this is just beginning thoughts.

Suggestions are welcome!

John spends any leave that he has to leave base with one of his squad - usually Delta or Dickory - although in the later years, he does do some camping. In the last few years leading up to the explosion and incident, Delta's sister became a single mother. John has stayed there to help out sometimes.

If he is not with one of his squad, he will usually find a camping spot to stay in while doing the odd and end jobs for locals to pass the time and a cheap price.

For a while, John just stayed on base when his squad was on leave and didn't take it when offered but eventually Delta and Dickory forced him to go.

John lives very simply with very, very few possessions so he ends up just saving a fair bit of money. He's been in the military for probably over ten years now. There have been a few guys that have rotated through their squad. Pete retired and was eventually replaced with Tresillo (they don't share rank though, it's just the numbers).

Chaz is talented but a bit egotistical and can be difficult to work with. Most people do not like working with him. He definitely rubs John the wrong way and although John can usually tolerate him, they have fought before. John has broken Chaz's nose. Which drove him nuts because the guy is a bit vain.

No one expected John and Dickory to get along, but they are actually pretty close. Dickory is the shortest of the group but he's strong and crafty. And not to be underestimated. His parents were immigrants and so he carries a fairly heavy accent. He's got a younger brother, Hickory, who he is close with. Hickory wants to follow in his brother's footsteps but Dickory thinks his talents lie elsewhere.

Growly Pete, as he was known as, didn't talk much but was a great shot and an even better survivalist. John took to it with his outdoorsy nature and wasn't very offput by Pete's quiet nature, so Pete took the time to teach him. He retired a few years before the incident.

Tresillo is a fairly new soldier who was given a choice - jail or the military - and he won't ever tell you he made the wrong one. He doesn't have much in the way of family and was kind of unruly at first but he's got more discipline now and he likes his squad a lot. Doesn't love being treated like a kid but he kind of gets used to the younger brother treatment. Great dancer. Taught John and Dickory Spanish.

Even before Pete left, John and Delta kind of got the dad and mom tag, being the responsible ones. JD took care of his little brothers for years and was kind of used to it and Delta is a natural leader. The mom and dad jokes are mostly kept quiet and behind their backs.

In the incident, John was the one with by far the most severe injuries. Delta wasn't there at all and when she does hear the news, she does feel a little guilt for not being there. It's dumb and John would tell her that, but still.

Tresillo straight up blames himself. Period.

Everyone involved is extremely tight-lipped about what happened and they won't talk about it. Sometimes a little with one another but that is about it.

John becomes especially mindful and protective of youngsters. This may include both minors and young adults. This mostly comes from protecting Tresillo during the incident, who to John, is seen as barely an adult. (This is also a bit of a nod/projection to how my horse trusted and protected kids when we got her before she ever trusted adults with her own issues.)

Tresillo probably won't stay longer in the military than he has to. The incident might even give him an out. It's not that he doesn't like the military, but the incident does freak him out and after what happens to John... yeah. Part of it is some guilt, part of it is that he doesn't get along with a lot of other people and he kind of doesn't want to. John and their squad became the people he got along with, trusted, etc.

It takes a while for Tresillo to visit John after what happens but when he does, he might stick around. I don't know yet. He and Branch do become friends.

The first time Bruce sees John with Clampers, for a second he thinks John knocked some girl up. And John is just...she's like... three years old. It's becomes kind of a joke.

John may or may not punch Chaz again after leaving the military.

Floyd finds out about John entirely by accident and it's awkward and weird. He does get a little upset that no one told him before this. (He mostly communicates by letters and hardly uses a phone and is constantly traveling very busy with his growing career).

Delta ends up finishing her tour but something happens that leaves her having to take care of her niece, Claudia (aka Clampers).

That's all I got for now.

[lesbianphan]

Review of ii please? 🎤

Hi Cal! Took me a while to get to this message cause I felt like I wanted to write a longer reply.

I feel like I need to preface by saying I'm not a big tour fan in general when it comes to youtubers. I know Dan and Phil do it like no one else ever dares to do, but I still don't really enjoy the format very much, especially since it feels exclusionary to people who can't be there when the youtube channels get dead for tour reasons (which means I might get more annoying during tour again whoops). So prefacing as well with the fact that tatinof makes me want to die inside and is maybe my least favorite thing they've ever done, I didn't have that high expectations for II.

That being said, I liked II way more than I thought I would! It's like the teenage version of dnp content, I suppose! TATINOF felt like it was made for 10 year olds, and even though introverts didn't feel mature or adult like I hope TIT will be, it was still fun enough! Phil especially did much better with this format (and maybe some more experience) and didn't make me want to die from second-hand embarrassment as much asdkj (sorry I promise I love him, hard to watch him act though).

I found it to be like an internet variety show of sorts, and was overall pretty enjoyable to watch. It felt more Dan and Phil than overly scripted TATINOF. They vibed more with the public, they felt more comfortable in their skin and on stage. Overall a better performance, and a more interesting show imho. It was still a litttlleeee too long imho, their shows tend to drag on a little too long for my taste (even WAD, which I absolutely LOVED, could be much shorter to pack more of a punch, so the message doesn't get lost in the amount of content in it).

I find it funny that it was supposed to be the last Dan and Phil thing, because idk if it's because I'm watching it now, but it just has middle child energy. It didn't feel like an ending at all to me! I found the theme interesting as well, about giving people what they want / doing what they want, but once again it might have been better communicated if the show wasn't as long.

Tldr: I really liked Interactive Introverts way more than I expected, I think they did a good job with it even if it does have some transitional energy that is hard to explain, and it's very of its time, as all of their projects seem to be.

I feel more ready to face whatever the fuck they'll do during TIT now that I've seen all their shows, but I do hope they throw out the booklet and let loose a little more on this one. I'm intrigued to see what an actual adult Dan and Phil show looks like (not onlyphans lol).

[noodleblade]

simpatico for 1. accidental hand touching

this took way longer to write than it should of. everyone thank @honkytonka for doing the minimal magnet research for me.

AO3 Link

It was an accident. 

A complete and utter accident. 

An accident that really could’ve happened to anyone. Like accidents did. Just because Brainstorm had made a slight, inconsequential mistake, didn’t mean others weren’t just as infallible- neigh, more infallible than him. Certainly Perceptor was just as prone to error, if not more so than himself and-

“Brainstorm.”

The jet winced, internal monologue coming to a screeching halt. While Perceptor’s tone was as even and neutral as ever, Brainstorm could easily pick out the edge of annoyance in his field. Especially with their…intimate proximity. 

Rather than make his panic known, Brainstorm answered with casual, easy nonchalance. Cooly. Sauve. 

“Um, yeah, Perceptor?”

His fellow scientist did not seem amused by his flippancy as Perceptor let out a tired, bordering-on-frustrated exvent. Brainstorm was quick to attempt to diffuse what would inevitably be Perceptor’s typical brand of disappointment.  

“I can fix this! Just give me time!” Brainstorm yelped, raising both his servos to placate the growing agitating circling around his lab partner. It was, perhaps, the wrong move as it only highlighted their problem: Perceptor’s left hand tugged along Brainstorm’s right due to the high magnetic current locking them together. “Oops.”

Perceptor, with his free, unmagnetized hand, scrubbed his face, softening his groan of dismay.

But really, this was not Brainstorm’s fault. 

The ferro-ray gun was supposed to change the magnetic field of two objects within range- shifting the polarities until the two objects have reversed yet strongly attracted polarity.   While not a particularly damage-focused weapon, the possible utility and scenarios for such a device could be used were endless. 

Once the thought had come to Brainstorm, he had pushed aside all his other projects and had begun a mock-up design. In truth, it was still in its design/construction phase. The main body of the gun was still in pieces on his workbench and he hadn’t even begun working on the trigger or firing channel. He had still been playing around with the energy core that was to power the magnetic charges. With a high enough current, he hoped to safely aim and select said object and shift its magnetic force. It was a finicky little thing but Brainstorm had thought he had control over the energy core.

Evidentially, it was a tad more…volatile than he expected.

“You will be able to undo this?” There was a slight tinge of worry in Perceptor’s tone. Perceptor’s plating was warm against his own. Brainstorm tried not to focus on it, tried to ignore the persistent thrum of current connecting them. 

“Don’t worry, Percy. You’ll be rid of me eventually,” Brainstorm teased. 

If he couldn’t reverse the effects of the gun, a quick trip to the medbay would solve it. It would certainly be the messier of the two options and he much rather fix his mistake in-house. He didn’t want another lecture from Ratchet about lab safety nor did he relish the eventual hand-off to Ultra Magnus about Code of Ethics and Proper Use of Lab Equipment. Not to mention that the plating around his servo would definitely need to be removed in order to detach them. 

“Being rid of you is not my concern,” Perceptor ground out through clenched denta.

Brainstorm’s wings hitched at the implication and a small smile flew to his lips. “Oh Percy, while normally flattery would work quite well on me, science is not quite so easy to please.”

Perceptor’s snorting exvent held enough amusement for Brainstorm to count this interaction as a success. “Normally, I would agree, but you have a unique way of twisting the laws of science and logic to your whims.”

Brainstorm felt his spark soar. Breaking the laws of physics and hearing Perceptor’s praise of it was the highest compliment Brainstorm could ever receive. 

 “It’s my raw magnetism, no one can resist me.” Silence met his wording and Brainstorm peeked over to see Perceptor’s face was in his hand once more. “Ahh, too soon?”

“Perhaps,” Perceptor muttered into his palm. “Maybe try it again in a few breems after we get unstuck. Let me see your calculations and how your horribly brilliant mind broke every equation known to man.”

Even in his annoyance, Perceptor truly did say the sweetest things. 

“Don’t worry, Perceptor. This time I only broke half.”

Brainstorm slid over the bar napkin from Swerve’s, his messy scrawl only slightly smudged. Perceptor didn’t even bat an optic. He’d seen Brainstorm use far less conventional notetaking instruments. “Oh, lucky us.”

[sankatsuka]

My Personal Journey with Project SEKAI: How Haruka Kiritani Changed My Perspective on Life

I recently watched a heart-touching video on Omori, and it inspired me to want to express my own feelings about the special place Project SEKAI has in my heart.

I hesitated to share this because of how deeply personal and depressing it is and would leave a bad taste in the mouths of people who want to enjoy Haruka (and Tsukasa) without the lens of depression. But I really want people to take Project SEKAI's writing more seriously instead of treating it as some trauma complexity competition. It would be nice if this could resonate with some people and give some hope to them.

I don't consider myself a victim of ableism, but my struggle is objectively about ableism - so my personal answer may be triggering and something people would not agree with/be able to live with.

TW for ableism and suicide ideation.

For all my life, I suffered from feeling like everyday was empty and was like dying, but I was never comforted for it and thus came to the delusional view that everyone was the same and going through this. 'All of us are trying to become someone we aren't because the world won't accept us for who we really are, so of course I shouldn't expect comfort,' or so I thought. But there was no story that could clearly express this pain - I have felt it several times in fictional characters I'm drawn to, but it was sadly never the focus of the story. Because of this, I always dreamed of creating a story that could strongly express these feelings so all of us can open our eyes to it and not have to suffer alone anymore, and it's what kept me going for years. That is, until I found Wonderlands x Showtime from Project SEKAI.

When I first read the unit story, I recognized a lot of Tsukasa's behaviours and lit up - this was it. This was the story I had always been looking for.

I thought it was a given everyone would have perceived Tsukasa the same way I did. He was the leader character who was trying to become someone else: the framing of 'chasing stardom = couldn't stand life living as himself' couldn't get anymore obvious than that. These were the feelings that drove me to write A True Star as the seeds were so obviously planted but the writers just weren't sowing them. But the fandom was a wake-up call for me that not everyone suffered the same way and could see it, especially as Tsukasa became more and more forcibly fitted into the comfort sunshine boyfriend stereotype by the fandom. Even the people who were touched by my writing had vastly different views from me. It taught me that people are different and feel things differently, and suddenly I no longer knew what I wanted.

Mafuyu was never relatable for me, because I could never relate to being in so much pain to the point of not feeling guilt when people want to help you. For me, everyday was just dull - I could smile and laugh genuinely along with people, but something just felt missing and it made me feel dead inside. I kept aiming to become good at something so I could feel whole, but the motivation was just never there. But what was most painful above all, was the fact that I felt no one ever took my tears and emotions seriously, no matter how much I tried to express myself. This is what I could only perceive in Tsukasa and WxS at the time, and fuelled me into writing A True Star.

But I started feeling more and more guilty and selfish of my feelings for Tsukasa because of Curtain Call. Given the angst, more fans would probably be wanting to see a focus on Rui instead of Tsukasa. I also believed that the writers should be focusing on Rui, because if it made the fans happy, then they SHOULD write Tsukasa off as his fandom oversimplification so as to not overshadow Rui. Tsukasa's pre-established angst and Rui's apparent angst in Curtain Call just couldn't coexist to me without ruining the message and impact of the other. I decided my feelings were just self-pitying exaggeration and shouldn't be captured, and people who related to me should stop living that way. Because of that guilt, I found myself unable to write and draw the things that used to make me happy. I spent a long time paralyzed because of this, crying and suffering everyday from feeling that the dream I had for the longest time turned out to be stupid and there would never be anything fun for me to look forward to. A day didn't go by without me contemplating suicide. This was why I quit Twitter.

But I still couldn't let go of my feelings no matter how hard I tried to - I wanted to see my dream. I wanted to see it touch the hearts of people, for them to realize how painful it was being this way, that my feelings and those like myself were never an exaggeration.

In that same period of time, when I was begging my body to move and do something productive and not be like this over a fucking fictional character, going to counselling and reading all sorts of self-help articles to get over it - I briefly recalled Haruka's story. I finally understood how she felt: being unable to do what you love as you can't help but feel you're just an unwanted burden to others. Even if there are people out there who enjoyed your works, it doesn't matter because you're a fake and there are other better people out there who have more meaningful things to say than you. But even so, you can't let go. She gave me the answer to my dilemma in Painful Hope: to forgive yourself for being different and needing comfort in your own way. Even if it's not a big deal to others, it most certainly is a big deal to you.

Haruka Kiritani surprisingly broadened my perspective on life. I had never understood her character at the start, thinking she was just the stereotype of a responsible girl. I always thought I was a certain way - exaggerated like Tsukasa, but in reality I was far more simpler and pathetic than that. I just felt overly responsible for everyone's emotions for how painfully sensitive I am to people and my surroundings, that I never thought enough about expressing myself. That if I made someone unhappy, something bad would happen. And the big problem was, I believed I always made people unhappy for being different.

Wanting to be saved by the dream of the entire world acknowledging your suffering and being there for you? I only then realized how delusional it was and how it just made me look farther away from myself and worsened my life. How about using those strong senses to just be present and appreciate every moment of being human and alive instead? Enjoying the happy times with all your heart, letting yourself just feel the pain when someone hurts you, live everyday looking forward to more encounters that would enrich your life... Maybe along the way, you may even miraculously find something that completes you. (I LOVE YOU IF!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHANGING ME YURRY CANON AND HARUKA KIRITANI!!!!)

It isn't about discarding your suffering, it's about acknowledging reality: there are so many people living in the world, it can't just be the way you need it to be for your happiness - but you can change. You just have to live for something that you can attain for sure, like facing the pain and emptiness of everyday for what it is and having hope for happier days. (My favourite anime of all-time Gintama captures this sooooo well, delusion vs reality, how both of them are equally important - please watch it. Now don't get me started on how strongly similar Project SEKAI and Gintama are--).

Besides, I wouldn't want people to change for me. I love them for who they are, and I was just blinded running away thinking no one would ever want me around as me. But now, I live trying to face the reality that there will be people who care and want me to be happy. I'll live with the pain of people not caring about me so I can fully experience those happier times when they come. And just because people don't care doesn't mean they're terrible people - the world is huge, there are too many options and choices for people to make.

Even if life is always so painful, there are times it's still so fun. I just can't let go after all.

Haruka Kiritani is the reason I stopped entrusting my ridiculous dream to Tsukasa and I'm not in as bad a place mentally anymore. I was just delusional like Tsukasa was, thinking achieving your dream would change everything and make you finally feel wanted and enough (lol, the meta is crazy). I'm grateful the scenario writers didn't give me what I wanted right away with Tsukasa - because then, I wouldn't have noticed the beauty in Haruka's writing. I'm pretty confident that WxS is definitely going in the direction I dreamed of (the same message I wanted to convey in A True Star), but it doesn't really matter much to me anymore now.

I can't go along with dreams of being saved anymore. I understand wanting them, I really did. But right now, what's more important to me is the love people have for me in the present, even if it's imperfect, flawed and hurts so much. I don't ever want to be saved if it means turning a blind eye to people who want me around and failing to respond to them as I've been doing up till now. I'm still not fully understood, which is why it hurts - but as long as I respond as seriously as I can, things might hopefully change someday. I've always been loved, and I want to cherish that. It's because of that I can no longer muster the emotions and anger to write A True Star anymore.

I slowly started realizing more and more similarities in Haruka too. There was such a small detail in Towards The Dream of That Day (Focus 3) that meant the world to me: the small moment where a young Haruka expresses discomfort with the crowd. Can you imagine that this sensitive girl who gets tired from crowds is now a top idol?

"...But there were so many people, I think I might be a little exhausted."

It didn't even hit me when I read that part, but I had a memory just like that with my own mother which slipped my mind. It's probably happened so many times my family had to take care of me in crowds in the past. But I had been so immersed in the delusion that I could overcome anything, that I completely forgot I was always the shy, fragile young girl to my family.

We have both always been loved and seen by people around us, but we just don't feel good enough that we end up trying to become someone else. It also doesn't help when your family thinks you can grow out of it - but if they love you, they will try to understand and you will feel that love if you're present. This is a big reason why living in reality is now so important to me - to properly respond to my loved ones, so that we can someday see eye-to-eye. And not to forget, to be able to smile and have fun with all my being once again.

More recently, it finally sunk in that I have always been terrible at smiling. I hated taking photographs because I could never get it to look the way I want it to, because no matter how hard I tried to smile, it just couldn't turn out natural. My mother has always pointed it out ever since I was young, but I didn't acknowledge it because I knew I could smile more naturally if I was in the mood - which is true... it isn't even autism, because when I'm talking about or doing something I love, I would be smiling and laughing so hard that my friends and family take notice. Just like Haruka and penguins, and when idol activities and times with her friends are genuinely exhilarating and fun.

A big problem we likely have is a form of neurodivergence that makes the normal world too boring and understimulating for us. And it's really a struggle - constantly being understimulated to even hold normal conversations, and then there's how most of our loved ones wouldn't get it because of how different we are.

And finally, there's Haruka in Precious Memories.

(I... can smile like this too.) (It seems somewhat different from when I'm at work...)

"...Thank you for giving me such wonderful memories, Saki."

How she realized she should cherish and preserve every moment in her life from Saki is so, so important to me. Even with friends, even if she's not always fully happy, she can have times she would find herself smiling so happily without realizing it.

It hammers in the realization I came to because of her character. After all, I ended up like this, unaware and self-hating, because I kept taking my own emotions and people's emotions towards me for granted. I was already happy just spending time around family and friends, but I couldn't fully immerse myself in it because of how hard I constantly was on myself. And the cycle of anger went on as people couldn't understand why I was so hard on myself. This is the power of Project SEKAI, just because she too couldn't move at all at one point - Haruka Kiritani helped me understand myself so much better and navigate life in a healthier, wholer way, embracing both the joys and pains of life. (Well... I still do run away, but I'm working on it...)

Shiho also became an incredibly important character to me because of the message in Stick to Your Faith that supplemented Haruka's character. I never thought to think of it that way, that there were things you couldn't let go of but it's okay to care about people's feelings at the same time. As someone with unique interests and who takes things a little too seriously, it was the words that I really needed to hear. I don't think we are similar enough to share even the same motivations though, but Shiho's values have definitely lit a way forward in my self-discovery. It's embarrassing to be so impacted by a story that isn't serious to most people. But truly, to Colorful Palette, thank you for writing Haruka Kiritani. Honami, Shiho and Tsukasa were all equally as important in making me realize the true weight of emotions and their impact on you. Project SEKAI made my dream come true in MORE MORE JUMP, in a far different yet better way than what I expected. I hope that this post would make people realize that Project SEKAI characters are more human than tropes. I was once blinded by tropes too, which made me miss out on how beautifully written Honami was - it really, really takes time to grow out of it. I'm tired of people attributing angst and depression only to Niigo when that's just a part of life and everyone has at least experienced it once. The sudden shift in atmosphere in No Seek No Find? A song about life and death in Kashika? Utsuro wo Aogu literally meaning 'looking into the void'? The constant themes of escapism in Emu commissions?

Each character is so strongly human in nature, that you can just understand the emotions they're feeling in the moment and why they feel that way. The narrative won't spell it for you, the characters are all unreliable narrators - you need to immerse yourself in both the story and the commissions and understand it yourself. You need to read all the unit stories to understand the writers' approach to emotions. Even if it doesn't make sense to you, it might start to make sense the more you learn about yourself and the people around you - because the writers have put in their actual emotions and experiences into writing and planning the character.

That is the beauty of Project SEKAI to me. I hope someday, instead of a cringey angsty teenage story, people could come to appreciate the human love and care put into its characters.

Finally, I end this love letter to Project SEKAI with one of my most favourite lines in If:

"Singing won't save your life or anything. But I want to sing for your sake."

"Even if this life of mine has no worth, the world is still beautiful. So let's live."

[whisker-biscuit]

Sonic Big Bang 2024

Close Encounters of the Grim Kind: Chapter 3

-----------------------------------

Through the next few days, Tails discovered three things aside from his alternate dimensional research.

It took about six hours for the probe to make a round trip from him to his new pen pal and back when they tested it.

His pen pal was extremely intelligent and just as interested in the state of the Shatterverse as he was. They did not, however, want to talk about anything else, and especially not themselves.

Sonic was still refusing to share the full picture of what happened during his adventure.

Only one of these things was technically a problem, but the fox was a scientist first and foremost, and a very curious child on top of that. So, he set out to “solve” each and every one.

The first one was easy, relatively speaking. The device had been built to travel indefinitely, collecting data at manageable speeds to be analyzed later. Now that it wasn’t being used as a probe but as a simple messenger, it was no issue to redirect some of its power output away from its memory banks and towards its speed instead. He let his pen pal know what he was doing, and wasn’t surprised when they offered their own assistance, claiming that they had worked with Paradox Prism energy to know how to make movement almost instantaneous. Working off only a fraction of that power instead of the entire prism meant it would still be slower than that, but any upgrade on that front would be an improvement.

Together, they were able to drop the travel time from six hours to two, which helped immensely. It also made Tails debate crossing “Sails” off of his list of potential people, because Sonic never mentioned the pirate ever getting close enough to the Prism to learn how to do that. In the end, he kept the name on because the evidence against its presence was still flimsy.

Additionally, his unknown collaborator sent equations that would allow Tails to duplicate his own technology with Prism energy, which he used to make several more probes to send out across the Shatterverse. None of those devices were intercepted and fed data at a constant rate to his computer for him to observe and report back to the pen pal.

By the end of the week, it became routine for a familiar flash of light to appear in the fox’s shop every few hours. He’d pause in whatever he was working on to read and respond to the message as though it were an overly detailed texting app instead of the intricate probe that he’d built it to be.

[ have you found any interdimensional cracks or signs of decay? ]

– No. So far, none of my probes have registered any anomalies. –

[ good ]

[ i was unable to check for that since losing access to the shards ]

[ was worried it might return even though the paradox prism was reformed ]

– What about you? –

– Did you see anything concerning appear in your own dimension recently? –

[ none so far but ill keep you posted if that changes ]

The second problem took a little longer to work around, and Tails wracked his brain for ways to approach it without raising suspicion. He desperately wanted to know whether he was working with an Eggman above all else. It was hard to think about how their minimal exchange exploring and discussing the Shatterspace’s state of being was beneficial to any version of the mad scientist, but he’d been caught off guard by a convoluted evil scheme before and had no intention of kickstarting another with his own help.

At first, he tried to gauge his mystery partner’s interest in technology.

– I’m sorry my last message was delayed for so long. –

– I was caught up in a new invention idea and lost track of time. –

[ theres no expectation for a prompt response ]

[ im not offended ]

– That’s a relief. Do you ever get tunnel vision with your own projects like me? –

[ yes ]

– Glad to see I’m not alone! –

– What kind of projects do you like to work on? –

Asking that last question led to him being ignored for nearly half a day until one of his probes completed its semi-scheduled data returns, in which his pen pal finally sent the device back asking about its findings. There was no mention of the original inquiry; Tails got the message and didn’t bring the topic up again.

It did make him cross out Mr. Dr. Eggman’s name on his list, however – from what Sonic had told him, the man never would have been able to pass up the chance to brag about his own genius, no matter how obvious the trap.

His second attempt was more roundabout – disguising it as idle curiosity about the Paradox Prism and the Shatterverse.

– There’s still so much we don’t know about all of this. –

– My memory is a bit hazy about what happened when the dimensions split. What do you remember? –

It was admittedly a dangerous gamble. He didn’t know how many people Sonic had told about the Prism being from Green Hill, or that he himself had no recollection of the dimensions breaking apart. Someone as smart as his pen pal might be able to deduce who exactly he was – and by extension, where Sonic was – if he made a single misstep. The last thing Tails wanted was to put another target on his brother’s back even if it was from a source that probably wasn’t much of a current threat without a way to cross dimensions independently. Eggman ingenuity was never a thing to take lightly.

[ i didnt personally notice anything different until sonic first appeared ]

[ he was the catalyst for the changes in our dimension and across the shatterverse ]

Tails couldn’t help but laugh when he received that message.

– Yeah, that seems to be a constant for him. –

– He mentioned he had Prism energy inside his body that allowed him to traverse the dimensions –

– Did you ever see that in action? –

[ yes. it was remarkable to experience ]

[ the first time he used that power, he briefly shut down power in all the machines in a significant area ]

That little tidbit gave the fox pause. He remembered very well Sonic’s description of that event – and how it had happened when he was a captive of the Chaos Council. Without immediately replying, the fox instead found his notebook of names and finally removed Sails from it. Then his pencil hovered over Nine’s name for a solid minute. Sonic had mentioned that dimensional counterpart had been captured at the time as well, but had he actually been there to witness the explosion Sonic had caused?

Asking outright was likely going to go ignored again. He tapped the pencil to paper and stared at the probe as he considered how to react to this new revelation without his pen pal shutting it down.

– What was that power output like? Was it a visible phenomenon? –

Receiving a response within the average two hours made him heave a sigh of relief.

[ extremely visible ]

[ the best way to describe it was a giant rainbow hued shockwave that extended outward from his body ]

[ it was pure unfiltered prism energy with no direction or goal ]

– That sounds incredible. Did the Paradox Prism ever do something like that independent of Sonic? –

[ yes, but it looked a bit different ]

And so, the inquiry turned back around to their research without any further fanfare. As grateful as Tails was for the new hint and frustrated that it was still too vague to fully confirm his pen pal’s identity, he left those follow-up questions alone for the time being. Patience was going to be his best friend in this careful investigation.

Speaking of best friends…

Sonic had finally started to lose his manic energy regarding his friends. He wasn’t pestering them for hang-outs as often, he wasn’t spending most of his time loitering around outside Tails’ workshop anymore, and his daily runs were taking him far enough away again that sometimes it would be more than a day before any of them caught even a glimpse of him. Both Amy and Knuckles expressed their relief to see him settling back in after his solo adventure, and even Rouge made a passing comment about it when they crossed paths.

The fact that he still hadn’t told Tails about everything that had happened wasn’t as worrisome any longer, and probably would have just become idle curiosity if not for how he stumbled onto something he was obviously not meant to see.

He’d been on his way back from Amy’s house and decided to take a quick detour towards the waterfall he had first met Shadow at, hoping to tell the hedgehog that Sonic finally seemed to be doing better again. He’d flown up the cliff from the hill’s side until he reached the very top, but found himself to be the only one there today.

Then the familiar sound of a sonic boom made his ears twitch and he looked out at the landscape.

A blue streak was approaching, followed by a yellow one that was keeping pace but not gaining it. Tails watched, surprised, as his brother came to a stop at the shore of the lake below the waterfall. What was even more surprising was how Shadow caught up a second later and stood beside him instead of challenging him to a spar or another race to even the score. They began speaking, too far away for him to hear, but even from up high he could tell by their body language that it was a tense conversation.

Getting close enough to eavesdrop wasn’t an option. Both hedgehogs had hearing that would pick up his flying immediately, and he was almost certain that whatever they were talking about it would stop the instant they noticed his presence. Feeling a twinge of guilt that wasn’t enough to assuage his interest, the fox pulled out his Miles Electric and began tuning it to amplify the sound waves from below to a frequency he could hear and understand.

“….fine, Shadow, honest! Man, I had no idea you were such a mother hen.”

“It’s not about ‘mothering’, Sonic. It’s a legitimate concern.”

“Aww, you’re concerned about little old me? Never thought I’d hear you confess it outright.”

The sound of their banter made Tails’ shoulders relax when he hadn’t even realized they’d been raised. It meant that whatever they were talking about probably wasn’t all that serious after all. Or it meant…

“Stop deflecting. It’s not going to get you out of this conversation.”

…His brother was avoiding a discussion, again.

Sonic sighed so visibly that Tails didn’t even need his device to see the action. He put his hands on his hips and turned towards the lake, kicking a rock into the water as he did so.

“I really mean it, Shadow. I’m fine. I feel fine. Nothing about that has changed since we returned to Green Hill. I get why you’re worried, but there’s nothing to be worried about anymore.”

“Your brother seemed to think differently.”

“Tails?” His head whipped around so fast to stare at Shadow that all his quills bounced in sync. “What do you mean? You’ve been talking to him? What did he say?”

The other hedgehog crossed his arms, looking irritated even from far below. “Contrary to whatever belief you might hold, we keep in contact when the situation calls for it. He has expressed worry that you aren’t behaving like yourself.”

Tails’ eyes went wide. What was Shadow doing? Hadn’t he been the one who insisted that they keep Sonic out of their arrangement? And now he was blabbing about a private conversation!

“Oh, well, if that’s why you’re suddenly up in my business, don’t worry. We talked it out a while back.”

“Did you?”

“Yes, Shadow, geez. He noticed I’ve been a little…clingy, and I told him it was because I was thinking a lot about the dimensional counterparts we had to leave behind. Plus, y’know, the whole “all my friends became shadows of themselves that I thought I’d never be able to piece back together” part? Pretty obvious why I’ve been off my game the last few weeks.”

“Did you tell him about –”

“No, I didn’t, and I don’t need to.” Sonic’s tone took on a hard edge. “I’m not about to put that on his shoulders. It has nothing to do with him and he’d still feel guilty about it.”

“What happens if you ever start to deteriorate?”

Deteriorate?!

“I’m not going to, Shadow! There’s literally been no reason to worry about that! You are literally the only one worrying about that.”

“Of course I am, Sonic!” The hedgehog closed his eyes. A pained expression flashed across his face and his voice grew softer when he spoke again. “Of course, I am. You were…dying in my arms.”

Tails felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He backed away from the edge of the cliff and clutched the Miles Electric in shock, hoping he’d misheard what had just been said. The long silence that fell between the two down below was enough of an answer. Too much of an answer.

“Listen, I’m really sorry about that,” Sonic finally said, sounding more somber than he’d been in a long time. “Truly, I am. I wish I could go back and do things differently so you never had to experience that. But I mean it when I say that I haven’t felt any different since we got back. No weird energy, no sparks, no teleporting no matter how fast I’ve been running. Nine said he pulled all of it out of me and I have no reason not to believe him. Especially not after…all of that.”

More silence. Tails curled his namesakes around himself to try and soothe his sudden shaking.

“…You really trust him that much, huh?” Shadow’s voice was unreadable, and so quiet that it was barely audible even through the device.

“Absolutely. Just as much as I trust Tails. We’d all be wiped from existence if it weren’t for him.”

Another long pause.

“Shadow, I get why you’re worried, and I promise I’ll tell you if something changes. We both said we’d be better about communicating after this, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

“Then trust me when I say I’m okay. Please?”

“…Fine.”

“Thank you.”

“You really should tell someone else about this, though. If not your brother, then one of your friends.”

“I’ll think about it. You up for a race to the ocean?”

“Perhaps another time.”

“Alrighty, then. See you later.”

A blue streak zoomed off, visible for only a few seconds before disappearing beyond the horizon. Tails found the ability to move and peeked back over the side of the cliff. Shadow was still at the lake shore, staring in the direction Sonic had run off in. His back was turned to the waterfall and so the fox couldn’t see his expression. After nearly a minute of standing there like a statue, his rocket shoes kicked into gear and he dashed off as well in a different direction.

Tails sat down right where he was, completely stunned by everything he had just heard and struggling to process it. Sonic had almost died. Sonic had been dying and hadn’t told anyone about it. How had that even happened? They’d mentioned something about “weird energy.” Was that because of the Chaos Council? The Shatterverse breaking down? Him being displaced from the dimensions in the first place and physics had finally caught up to his body?

And why on Mobius did he think Tails would blame himself if he knew?

Thoroughly shaken up, the fox flew straight home. He was still so blindsided by the information he’d unintentionally learned that he didn’t even notice the probe hovering above his desk until he collapsed into his chair after almost an hour of pacing his workshop.

He picked it up almost on autopilot, staring at the latest messages there without really reading them. It was some theory about why the other dimensions still existed with the Paradox Prism reformed, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the words no matter how he tried to distract himself with them. What did pointless theories matter when his own brother had nearly died – might still be at risk of it if Shadow’s concern was valid?

Tails needed answers and he needed them now. Screw Shadow’s terms, screw whether this mystery person was a friend or foe, screw everything that wasn’t going to tell him what he needed to know. If it ensured Sonic’s safety then he’d take any risk.

Instead of replying, the young scientist shut the device off and pulled out its blueprints, along with the notebook he’d used to parse out the equations for how to make it travel faster between dimensions. Additionally, he recalled all of his probes that had been out collecting data. Two hours between messages was too long to wait for each reply. He needed this to be as instantaneous as his pen pal had claimed the Prism energy was capable of, and he was going to use all the energy currently at his disposal to do it.

A preliminary glance at the time told him it was early evening. He turned off or flipped over every clock and time-keeper in his space, knowing this was going to be a long haul. From the kitchen he retrieved a full pitcher of water, an entire half-pan of lasagna leftovers, and three unopened energy drinks. As each probe returned one by one in small flashes of rainbow light, Tails cracked his fingers, stretched his arms once over his head, and got right to work.

It took most of the night. By the time he shut the final panel on the device, finished charging it with all the other probes, and turned it back on, the nearest clock read nearly 3 AM when he dared to look. The fox cradled the device in his hands, thoroughly exhausted. For all the work that he had just accomplished, he knew that was technically the easiest part of this entire thing. The rest hinged entirely on his mystery collaborator.

Tails drank the rest of his last energy drink, then spent the next five minutes crafting a message that would get his intentions across without scaring his pen pal away forever.

– I know we agreed to keep this as solely a research venture but this is urgent. –

– Do you know what happened to Sonic before he returned to Green Hill? Is there a chance it could happen to him again? –

– Please. I need to know. –

He sent it out before he could second-guess the wording. Then he waited.

Nothing came back.

The fox gave it ten minutes. Thirty. An hour. Just like the very first time he’d activated the device, he was left in limbo, waiting and wondering if everything he’d worked so hard for was about to go up in flames. He knew it wasn’t just about technological limitations anymore. There was a small chance that his pen pal was asleep, but their time zones were very different and they seemed to have just as odd a sleeping schedule as he did. The radio silence was most likely an intentional one.

Eventually, out of lack of anything better to do, Tails began cleaning up his work station just to get rid of some of the nervous energy jittering through his body. He glanced at his desk for any sign of flashing lights so often it was quickly becoming a compulsion, and so he forced himself to leave the room entirely. Crawling into bed had him feeling conflicted; he was so tired and on the verge of a crash, but he was terrified that any minute the device would return and he would miss it for hours.

In the end, physical needs won. Tails passed out the moment his head hit the pillow and he drifted off into restless sleep.

[3ofpents]

The Jersey Devil & The Pine Barrens Pin Stripe // Fabric design for @shapeshiftersvt and The Cryptid Collection

Oh it's time for my favorite cryptid, the Jersey Devil.

We've reached the first fabric design that was a direct adaptation from its coordinating travel poster. Here, let me show you, I think it's pretty obvious.

This wasn't the first based-on-the-poster design that I did, but it was the very first poster that I did. I mean obviously. I grew up in New Jersey and, save for a 9 month stretch in Brooklyn after I was born, and a 2 year stint also in Brooklyn in my late 20's, I lived there for about 30 years. The Jersey Devil has always and will always hold a special place in my heart.

So why on earth is there a version of this pattern without it???????

Easy! Remember when I said that some of the fabric designs were created with Eli's runway looks in mind? Well here's the concept sketch for the Jersey Devil design:

The initial concept while we were brainstorming and finalizing the fabric designs was to create a skirt suit with the trees-only design (Pine Barrens), with a binder or sports bra in the Jersey Devil design peeking out from underneath. I can't speak entirely to Eli's thought process, but I believe part of this decision was made with the photobombing idea behind the posters in mind, where the cryptids are sort of semi-hidden, or at least not the focus of the image. And part of it was aesthetic, not wanting to have multiple moons all over the outfit that might even get cut off and such.

I want to say I had a decent time with this one, and I think I did in the end. But I have to admit that it ended up being a little frustrating because it took a lot longer than I expected it to. Or that I thought it should, considering I was just recreating a slightly altered version of an illustration that I'd already done. It took a while to get the trees right, especially because for some reason that I kept getting a single pixel wide line across my horizontal seams that, like. The only way I can explain it is that it was as if the canvas was a single pixel shorter on the bottom than the image, so every time I smoothed out the seams and moved the tile back, that single pixel line would come out of hiding and break up the whole image because it didn't get edited, so the colors were in the wrong places.

This was NOT the case, for the record. I expanded the canvas multiple times in my attempts to fix this thinking that was what was happening. And yet it kept happening. I don't remember if restarting my computer fixed the problem (I often have issues with things on my screen not appearing properly when I need to restart to free up some memory); if I confirmed that it was just a weird visual glitch in Clip and that it wasn't visible anywhere else; or if it just stopped happening because I stopped moving the tile multiple times to double or triple check it and it was happening at the point of moving it. But I got it fixed, obviously.

And I'm pleased with it! I think if I'd put this one further down the list and so had more experience under my belt, I would've done it a little differently. Really mainly the tree repeat. I think I would've done a larger tile to get more trees, for more trunk shape variation; and to have more room to get a more gentle curve back and forth.

But the essence of the thing is still there, and I still think it's a cool concept (one that Eli came up with, I forgot to mention!) with the trees being stripes. And of course I love my flying Jersey Devil. I need draw more Jersey Devil art.

As always, if you'd like to order your own binder or sports bra with either of these fabric designs, you can find them (and the poster print) here, on the Shapeshifters website. If you do, we'll finally be able to get a photo instead of the mockups I made up there.

If you want to purchase the fabric for your own sewing projects, you can do so through our Spoonflower shop. Important to note that the Pine Barrens stripe runs vertically along the length of the yard; and the Jersey Devil stripe runs horizontally, and the pattern repeat is a full yard, so there's only one moon on each yard.

[lovelacefc7723]

After watching the preview episode of the re-cap show, my first thought is actually a confirmation of something I believe for awhile now, and it's that in my opinion Tobin & Christen truly are in a different phase of their life now. They've changed, right in front of our eyes, they have built this whole other work reality that no longer NEEDS to be connected with the field, they are beyond. I'm not saying they're retiring tomorrow (even though I think they WILL do it very soon), I just feel they have found their dimension elsewhere. And it's deeply beautiful.

I noticed just how GOOD they are despite this being their first experience in this kind of projects. I remember Tobin's first videos for the company, about her art, and she didn't even look at the camera. Since becoming co-ceo, and maybe since stepping up after Pinoe's silent exit, she kinda found this new confidence. She joins events and promotional works by herself that before she would have attended only with Christen, or not attended at all.

Now she produces and hosts a show, and she's funny, charming, thoughtful, wonderfully loud when she laughs and freely honest when she speaks.

Even the choice of their first guest is pretty revealing. It actually tells how little we know about their lives and their relationships. That's why I usually talk about opinions and impressions, because that's all we have.

And exactly about my opinion about their new phase of their life, I think Ellis and Christen probably might have talked about things at some point. And not about her tactical choices but about her silence when Christen tried to expose Dames' toxic behaviour. It's not something you just ignore and sit together to joke, laugh and talk Football.

The interview was actually really brilliant and honest. I think Tobin took the lead because anyway she had a different relationship with Ellis but also it really seemed more her space, she has always had a complete vision of football, tactically and strategically. That's why it seemed she really talked Ellis' language. And it was deeply fascinating, curious and educative.

I'm not gonna deny that listening to Ellis actually talking about football and about her choices was truly interesting. Despite all her personal mistakes, I think she really knows her job, and she knows how to do it. I never heard Vlatko having such professional insights and I really admired him before, when I still had not realized he has no idea how to manage team and players and he doesn't really care about them either.

Ellis was pretty honest about her tactical decisions, I don't know if she would do exactly the same now, especially with Christen. But I still love how equally honest Christen was with her. The quote "I'd let you babysit my daughter but I don't think I'll play you in this game" is not really a joke and both of them know it. But it was a moment of Truth.

I think Ellis appreciated and appreciates Christen both as person and player, she made a choice, a debatable one, but still hers. And Christen faced her for it. But in the end I liked to see that she still considered her time playing for Ellis as a learning experience, it puts everything in perspective.

I always thought Christen was way much more than the sweet and zen person we often see. She did make a few interesting remarks to Ellis among the lines of jokes, she knows how to tease Tobin (probably her favourite pastime), she can be snarky and witty, and it's pretty awesome.

That's why I was in love with the blunt confrontation between Tobin & Christen. It was actually what I expected, Tobin always so free and direct, Christen so smart, witty and a little biting! The Daily Debate was just amazing but what I noticed is that every time Tobin talked, with Jill or simply telling something, she always included Christen in her moments, in her thoughts, her memories, her experiences, she looked at her, waited for her reaction.

The most technical part of the conversation was so intriguing for a football fan. I loved the Marginal Gain philosophy, it's the success in the details.

Also, about the USWNT, I think Tobin doesn't have much admiration for Vlatko, as coach and person. At one point she said something like "talking about chewing and spitting …" and she went on saying she and Christen wouldn't be at the World Cup, it says something.

In the end, I think they really nailed this first episode. I wanna see Christen take the lead in the next episodes and I can't wait for them!