#but that left a little less time to prioritize to this :)

[lunasmysteriouspath]

🪻🪻The Giver and the Taker 🪻🪻

At some point in our lives, most of us have encountered a person who is a consummate taker. This person consumes almost everything you give them and doesn’t feel the need to offer anything in return, not even a simple "thank you." Typically, the relationship between the giver and the taker is unique. I’ve seen people who are willing to give all their love, affection, and everything they have from the depth of their hearts to individuals who are incapable of receiving love and affection in a normal way. These takers just take, take, take, and drain you to your limits.

But what is the psychology of the taker? What do they think, and why are they so cold and heartless? Why do they use others and consume their energy? It’s likely that these people were raised in different environments. Some were overly spoiled, while others lacked love and care in their lives. As a result, they become obsessed with wanting more and more from others, never stopping because they fear being neglected again. They struggle to stop this cycle because, in their minds, if there’s no giver in their life, they might be left to struggle again. We all know that when something good is in our lives, we don’t want to let it go. We want to keep it for as long as possible—until we find a new source of it.

On the other hand, the giver is someone who almost never expects anything in return. They are not as egocentric as the taker. The giver has the psychology of giving everything they have and doesn’t mind being misunderstood or taken for granted. They feel fulfilled with good emotions when they give.

You might assume that I’m trying to show how bad it is to be a taker and how good it is to be a giver. But that isn’t the case. I believe both characters are flawed, and they both have important lessons to learn.

For the Givers: Next time, try to prioritize yourself more. Take the time to reflect on your feelings and ask yourself why you should value what you give to others. Understand clearly what you want to experience and what you expect from people who only consume your energy instead of giving you support or truly appreciating your presence in their lives. I’m not telling you to give less, but to think carefully about how much of your energy to give. Don’t let others overstep your limits or boundaries. I know that when you receive something, even a small gesture, you feel like the happiest person on earth. You value every act of kindness, and that’s wonderful—you deserve to be rewarded for your patience. But the world doesn’t always work like that. As a friend, I’m telling you: be a little more selfish for yourself.

For the Takers: You have a unique ability to seek the best, to receive love, affection, gifts, and comfort from others, and feel satisfaction from it. But next time, when you take something, give something in return. Start with something simple, like saying, “Thank you, I appreciate that.” Believe me, giving something back will make you happy, because you will see a smile on the other person's face, their eyes will brighten, and you will receive a hug—charging you with positivity in return.

🌸 I don’t judge anyone—we’re all born and raised differently. Some are fortunate, while others have had to fight from an early age. But in the end, giving and taking must be balanced. 🌸

[unbreakable-red-riot]

Hi!

I received my PDF copy but was wondering about the timeline to receive the physical copy in the mail? No rush! I just have to keep an eye on my incoming mail and I didn’t see a way to track a package on Kofi, though I’m not familiar with the site. ^^;

So excited to have your work on my shelves! ☺️

Hello! If you live in the US, yours will probably arrive in the next week or so. DM me if it doesn't and I can investigate. (There are a handful I haven't gotten to yet because their shipping labels got damaged and I need to reprint them.) If you live abroad, I ship yours, the handful that had damaged labels, and my art book contributors this week! The exact amount of time will depend on what country you live in, and how your customs treat the package. (I can also look into getting tracking for international packages. Will update you on if my shipping label service provides that option!)

[slippery-minghus]

it just occurred to me to wonder... how much of how shitty i've felt this past week and a half is being compounded by having to fuck with my adderall dosing to tide me until i can see my doctor and get a refill.

i've been staggering taking a leftover xr one day, skipping a day, then taking a higher dose of the ir, and so on. it's enough that i'm not crashing but... my dopamine is probably all over the place right now. and i gotta say. talking shit to myself feels almost rewarding.

[silverskye13]

Silver's Care Guide for the Impulsively Inclined:

Hi, did you just receive bad news? Are you one of the many many people who, upon receiving bad news, react with self destructive spirals, or lash out in a need for control? Are you just really fucking sad, or angry, and would like an alternative to hurting yourself and others? Are you just feeling a little manic or impulsive?

Welcome to my handy guide for alternative (self) destruction! These are alternatives to physical and immediate harm to your person. That does not necessarily mean they are safe, just safer, and they are all things I've done before to mixed results. With that in mind.

Remember the golden rule: if what you're doing cannot be fixed, repaired, or healed within an hour, don't fucking do it. You have one body, and one life, and regardless of what your thoughts say in the moment, that body and life is necessary for your future happiness. Prioritize yourself; harm objects instead.

Alternatives to harming yourself or others:

Kick something loud. A tin can. A plastic bag. Take it to an outdoor space and see how far you can kick it, and how loud a sound you can make. If you have multiple objects to kick, listen to the differences in sound. How one thing sounds hollow and another rattles.

Kick something soft. A pillow. A hackey-sack. Take it to an outdoor space, or kick it against a sturdy wall (I recommend brick or stone). Listen to the sound of the batting, or the beans. See what shapes you can get it to land in, and how deep a divot your foot can leave.

Tear paper. Get a cheap notebook, some old bills you don't need, note cards or old magazines. See how big of pieces you can make. Put several sheets in your hand and see how thick the paper can get before you can't tear it anymore. See how thin of strips you can tear. Experiment with folding it into shapes and trying to tear along the lines.

Do a very small controlled burn. Newspaper, a cheap notebook from the dollar store, a handful of old homework assignments you don't need, a candle, etc. The best objects are ones made to burn such as matches or candles. In lieu of that, focus specifically on paper, as it will have fewer chemicals/fumes that can damage your lungs if you inhale smoke. Take it to a well ventilated place, the floor of a concrete garage, your driveway, an empty lot or sidewalk. If you have a burn barrel or fire pit, use it. If you have no access to any of these things, make the burn very small [less than half a page at a time] and confine it to your sink. If your building has automatic sprinkler systems, don't do this. Light one edge of your paper on fire and watch it curl. See if you can burn small, individual poke-holes in the page. If you are lighting a candle, watch the wax melt. See if you can light one match using another. When a match is used, try and burn what's left of the stick. If you want some extra catharsis, write a person you hate, a source of your angst, or just general thoughts on the paper you're burning.

Throw rocks. Go outside and touch grass -- and look for rocks while you're there. All sizes are fair game, but the bigger they are, the harder they are to throw. I recommend something the size of a marble. Gather a number of rocks and throw them one at a time, trying to hit targets like trees or fence posts. If you can find a convenient body of water, throw them in there and listen to the splash.

Skip rocks. Skipping rocks across the top of the water can also be a fun challenge to use your aggression on. For skipping rocks specifically, you want a stone that is smooth and flat. Hold it between your forefinger and your thumb, and throw sideways in an arcing motion. You are trying to get the rock to spin. The combination of the spin, and the force, and the flat side hitting the water, causes the skip. I average 3 skips per stone. Beat my average. My Papa, who taught me, used to routinely get 5-7 skips. Beat him after you beat me.

Play a violent or fast paced video game. Most people have games on their mobile or console devices these days. Pick something quick, with low investment and high reward. Shoot-em-ups and arcade games. Something with a number that ticks up, and stock zombies you can kill. Try to beat your high score, or aim for an exact number. My lucky number is 13, so I will often try to score a number that's a multiple of 13.

Break glass. This one requires some investment to do legally and safely. Note: I am not telling you to throw rocks at people's windows or vandalize property. This is an alternative to those things. Find or obtain (I buy mine at Michael's for $10) some glass panes. They can be multicolored if you're feeling fun. Cover a pane in an old sheet or the plastic bag you bought it in. With a thick soled shoe or a rubber mallet, smash it. Try to make fun shapes with the pieces. Listen to the crunch. Keep a broom and dustpan ready, and make sure you have dedicated time to clean the mess. There is nothing worse than walking barefoot through a room and cutting open your foot.

Smash pumpkins, guards, watermelon, etc. Exactly what it says on the tin. Grab your murder-able vegetable of choice and a weapon (stick, hammer, sword, axe, etc) and go wild. Make as big a mess as you can. I mean absolutely destroy that fruit. If you aren't covered in the blood of your prey, have you really won? Take a long shower afterwards, and wear clothes you don't mind staining. Too depressed to clean up the mess? It's fruit. The local wildlife will thank you. Though if it's summer, you may get ants/bees.

Switch a tree. Find a switch. If your parents never made you pick your own switch, congratulations. If they did, you know exactly what you're looking for. Grab a stick, something green and flexible and long -- whip like. Go to the tree you wish to switch, and smack the shit out of it. You can also do this to bushes. Try to make the whip-crack noise, listen to the whistle of the branch through the air. See if you can take the individual leaves off a branch. Smack the shit out the tree with your switch until the switch breaks. If you're still feeling angry and impulsive, rinse and repeat.

Alternatives to moping sadly / wallowing in self pity:

Write a list of things you enjoy. This is just to remind you that you do have joy in life, actually. Focus on finding the smallest things possible, the ones that are truly niche to you and you alone. An example for me would be the strange purple-red color your veins take on when bright light is shining through them. I could stare at that color for ages. I'm talking really strange, personal joys. The way a sharpie brand pen clicks. How saying a word too much turns it into not-a-word. Make a list of those things.

Find a favorite texture and run your hands over it. Over and over. Obsessively. If this texture happens to be a pet, all the better! If not, that is also fine. My favorite texture is running my fingers through my hair when I've put hair gel in it. The feeling of detangling it with my fingers, all the sharp brittle hairs loosening into softness again, is the most cathartic in the world. Close second is my fingernails on very cheap construction paper, the pulpy stuff they give to kindergartners. Pass your hands through the texture until it loses its allure. Listen to the sounds it makes when you run your hands across/through it. Smell it, and smell your hands after you've touched it. Rub it on other parts of your body, like your arms or your neck. Try to pick it up with your feet.

Eat your favorite food. I don't give two shits about calories. This is comfort. If you don't have access to your favorite food, or it is too hard to cook with the energy levels you have, get the closest approximation you can find, or get your second favorite. Eat it slowly. Try to pick the tastes apart on your tongue. Make obnoxious noises while you eat, or eat it in a way you normally wouldn't. Eat ice cream with chopsticks. Eat soup with a butter knife. Lick pudding off the tines of a fork. Use your hands I don't care. Slurp out of the bowl like a dog. Pretend you're a caveman. Get stupid and silly. It's food. It's food. It's food. Enjoy every moment of it!

Tell a friend how awesome they are. Pop into their inbox and ask them about their day. Call them and ask for five minutes of their time. Invite them to dinner. You don't have to get super heartfelt if you're scared of being weird. Just say "Hey, have I told you you're awesome recently? Because you are." Be prepared to list at least one reason why.

Go cry about it. Seriously. In the words of my boss, "Sounds like you need to drink a bottle of wine, put on the saddest episode of your favorite TV show, and have a good sob fest." Crying is a releasing of built up chemicals in your brain, which is why people sometimes cry when they're happy or pissed -- you've got too many emotions inside and you need to literally put them outside. So if you're feeling the Miseries and need a quick release, give yourself a reason to cry and go for it. And I'm not talking like, tasteful wife mourning her husband lost to war with a single stoic tear down her face. Get ugly. Sob your eyes out. Scream, and wail, and thrash. Pretend you're an Irish widow who's just lost her child to famine and dirge. Lament. Do that thing in the Bible where people are so upset they tear at their clothes. When you're done, breathe, and breathe, and breathe again. That feels... Better. Doesn't it?

Listen to calming music, or sing/hum a song. This one might just be a me thing, but it is hard to be truly miserable when there's a soundtrack playing in your thoughts. This works best if the music you're listening to has no words, and is calming. We are not looking for sad mixes on YouTube. We are looking for lofi, and orchestra, and rainy mood. Something to dampen thought, not enhance it. I like putting on rain sounds and humming as I walk through my house. It lets me take action while still providing background noise I can rely on.

And that's about it, I think. I hope! My scattering of thoughts can help you! Or at least get you thinking about what works best for you. Feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments and I will try to reblog them!

Remember: we are prioritizing the safety of self here. This is to curb impulses for self harm, and self destruction, and the harming of others. Above all else, stay safe.

You've got this. I believe in you.

[the-offside-rule]

Franco Colapinto (Williams) - Here For You

Requested: no

Warnings: DENNIS IM SORRY BUT UR AN ASSHOLE FOR NOW

The roar of the F1 engine still echoed in Y/n’s ears as she stepped into the hotel lobby, her body sore from the long race day. It had been an exhausting weekend on the track, but nothing could have prepared her for what awaited her back at the hotel. Dennis had said he’d meet her later, claiming he was grabbing a drink with a few team members, but she decided to head back early, eager for a shower and some quiet.

The suite was dimly lit when she walked in, her racing suit slung over her shoulder. Tossing her keys on the side table, Y/n headed straight for the bedroom. Dennis wasn’t back yet. The bed was unmade, a stray pillow on the floor, but what really caught her eye was the corner of something peeking out from the drawer on Dennis' bedside table. Frowning, she moved closer and pulled it out; a hoodie. A team hoodie, but not from their team. F1 Academy. And it wasn’t hers. Her chest tightened, but surprisingly, there was no rush of panic, no immediate wave of anger. Instead, a strange calm settled over her. Y/n could piece together what had happened with alarming clarity. It wasn’t the first time Dennis had been distant lately, but she had never thought he’d actually go this far. With a deep breath, she neatly folded the hoodie and placed it onto the table. She wanted to wait for him to come back so she could confront him. Her mind was clear, even if her heart was heavy.

Y/n sat down, the dim light casting shadows across her face. Her fingers trembled as they traced the outline of the hoodie. She stared at the fabric, her heart feeling as though it was being ripped apart and stitched back together, only to be torn again. The hotel room was eerily silent, the air heavy with the truth she already knew but wasn’t ready to fully acknowledge.

The door creaked open.

Dennis stepped inside, his eyes immediately finding her. He froze, taking in the sight of her sitting next to the damning evidence. His face drained of color, his usual confident demeanor slipping into something that resembled guilt. "Y/n..." His voice was soft, almost pleading as he moved toward her. "I can explain." But Y/n didn’t flinch. She didn’t raise her voice or lash out in anger like she had imagined. Instead, she slowly lifted her eyes to meet his. There was no fury in her gaze, only exhaustion, betrayal, and the weight of knowing. She held up the hoodie, letting it dangle from her fingers like it was something foreign, something sickening.

"I don't want your explanation, Dennis." Her voice was calm, but every word felt like a stone dropping into an endless void. "I just need answers." He swallowed hard, his steps faltering as he stood in front of her. He glanced at the hoodie, then back at her, regret clouding his features. "Y/n, please—"

"How long?" She interrupted, her voice steady. Her eyes bore into his, demanding the truth. He hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck as if trying to buy time, trying to make this less painful. But there was no softening this blow. "Since testing." He finally muttered, his gaze dropping to the floor. Her breath hitched, though she fought to keep her composure. "Why?" She needed to hear it, to understand the timeline of her own life crumbling around her. "Since you started prioritizing your work." He admitted, his words dripping with shame. "I didn’t mean for it to happen, Y/n. I was lonely, and you moved for F1 I just-"

"How many times?" Y/n cut him off again, not caring for his excuses. Her voice trembled now, not from anger but from the hurt she could no longer suppress. Dennis looked away, unable to meet her eyes. His silence spoke louder than any confession. "Whenever you weren’t around," he whispered, his voice barely audible but clear enough to shatter what little was left of her heart. Y/n closed her eyes for a moment, letting the truth settle in. The weight of his words crushed her, but she wasn’t done. There was one more question she needed answered. "I was around today and it still happened." She mumbled. "You had media duties-"

"Who is she?" Her voice was barely above a whisper now, but it held all the pain she was trying to keep contained. Dennis shook his head. "It doesn’t matter, Y/n. She’s no one—"

"Who is she, Dennis?" Y/n’s tone sharpened, her patience running thin. But Dennis remained silent, refusing to give her that final piece of the puzzle. "I’m not telling you, it'll only hurt you more." He said. "And why is that?" She asked. "Because she's nothing like you." Tears welled in Y/n’s eyes, but she blinked them back, determined not to let them fall in front of him. She looked at him—really looked at him—taking in the man she thought she knew, the man she had trusted with everything. The stranger standing in front of her. "Are you happy with your choices?" She asked, her voice soft but cutting. The question hung in the air, the silence between them thickening.

Dennis hesitated, his face a mix of regret and something she couldn’t quite place, perhaps shame or maybe even selfishness. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. That was answer enough. Y/n stood up, leaving the hoodie on the table as if it were the last piece of him she would ever touch. Without another word, she walked past him, grabbing her bag as she headed for the door. Her heart felt heavy, but there was a certain clarity in the finality of it all.

After speaking with the front desk, she managed to secure a different room, far enough away that she wouldn’t have to worry about Dennis stumbling upon her. The door closed with a soft click, and Y/n stood there for a moment, feeling the weight of the situation settle on her shoulders. She should’ve been furious, she knew that, but instead, all she felt was numb. How long had this been going on?

A few hours passed, the stillness of the new room becoming almost unbearable. She hadn’t cried. Maybe she should have. The soft knock at the door startled her from her thoughts. Frowning, she padded to the entrance and opened it cautiously. Standing there, holding a grocery bag, was Franco Colapinto. His dark eyes held a kindness that made Y/n’s throat tighten. "Franco?" She asked, confused but slightly relieved to see a familiar face. "What are you doing here?" He gave her a small, soft smile. "I heard about... Dennis." His voice was gentle but firm.

Y/n blinked. "What do you mean, you heard?" She hadn’t told anyone yet. She hadn’t even properly processed it herself. Franco shrugged lightly and ran a hand through his hair, shifting his weight between his feet. "Dennis was... kind of telling people you two broke up." Her heart clenched, not from Franco’s words, but from the casualness of it all. Dennis had already moved on, apparently, telling people about their "breakup" like it was some regular thing. Y/n fought the urge to roll her eyes at the absurdity of it. She swallowed. "I didn't realize the news had spread so fast." She said, trying to keep her voice steady, pretending like it didn’t sting as much as it did.

Franco’s smile was sympathetic as he held up the bag in his hands. "I figured you might want some company. I brought face masks, chocolate, and ice cream. The essentials.".Y/n blinked at him, taken aback by the gesture. "You didn't have to do that."

"Of course, I didn’t have to." Franco said, stepping into the room without waiting for her permission. "But I wanted to. You're my friend, and I’m not going to leave you alone while you’re dealing with this." She closed the door behind him, watching as he set the bag down on the small table by the window, like this was the most normal thing in the world. The tension in her chest began to loosen slightly. "How are you feeling?" He asked softly, not looking at her directly but rather busying himself with unpacking the snacks. Y/n forced a smile, one she wasn’t entirely sure reached her eyes. "I’m fine, really."

Franco glanced up from where he was unpacking a tub of ice cream. "Y/n, you don’t have to pretend with me." The sincerity in his voice broke something inside her, and for the first time that evening, her resolve cracked just a little. She sank onto the edge of the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I don’t know how I’m feeling, honestly." Franco walked over and sat beside her, close but not too close. "That’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers right now." He handed her a spoon and a bar of chocolate, offering her a soft smile that made her feel a little less alone.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the quiet comfortable rather than stifling. Franco opened one of the face masks and wiggled his eyebrows playfully. "Come on, let’s do this. It’ll be fun, I promise." Y/n couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her. "You’re really going all out, aren’t you?"

"Anything to make you smile." Franco grinned. "Plus, it’s a great excuse for me to wear one of these without looking ridiculous." They spent the next hour chatting about everything except Dennis. Franco told her stories about his racing mishaps, his worst crashes, and the time he accidentally ordered frog legs at a fancy restaurant, thinking it was chicken. Y/n found herself laughing, genuinely laughing, for the first time in what felt like forever. Franco’s presence was soothing, his lightheartedness infectious. He never pushed her to talk about what happened, and for that, she was grateful.

As the night wore on, they found themselves lying side by side on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Thanks for being here." Y/n said softly, turning her head slightly to look at him. Franco glanced at her, his eyes warm. "You don’t have to thank me. That’s what friends are for." She smiled at him, feeling a sense of peace settle over her for the first time that night. Maybe things with Dennis were over, and maybe it hurt more than she wanted to admit. But with Franco by her side, at least for tonight, she felt like everything was going to be okay.

[junethestudent]

Object of Obsession

» Murderer Kim Minjeong x Investigator F! Reader

Word Count: 5.6K

Content Warning: Discussion of murder, descriptions of dead bodies, reader is drugged, violence, dubcon / noncon, and swearing. [Y/N’s L/N is Choi.]

A/N: This will be divided into two parts, I am not positive on when part two will be released.

I would also like to say that I do not condone violent behaviors.

10:00PM - Cho Industries, Abandoned Warehouse

The darkness of the warehouse shadows Minjeong as she works, her gloves covered in the sticky blood of her last victim. She wipes away the sweat collecting on her brow and breathes in the musty air of the warehouse. On the cold floor blood pools at her feet and coats the skin of her body, painting it a crimson red. 

The smell of blood is worse this time, with a sickeningly ripe, metallic scent. It has a pungence that smothers her other senses, distracting her as she works to clean up her mess. But frustration seems to override her mind, irritating her to the fullest as she stares at the lifeless body in front of her. 

She would not be under so much pressure if someone had not called in a noise disturbance. Unfortunately, leaving the body and the weapon is her only option. As seconds pass by she has little to no time to waste anymore. 

“Fucking hell.. if that door wasn’t so loud..” She mutters under her breath, the only other sound audible being the police radio blaring from her phone in the background. Surely she would have been caught by now if she wasn’t aware of the every move of those idiotic policemen.

As the sirens grow closer Minjeong’s anxiety only grows, making her heart pound erratically. Through the few glass windows of the building Minjeong can see the glare of red and blue lights. She takes a step back, tripping over the sledgehammer that lay behind her. Her ankle bends to the side as she catches herself, a surge of pain rushing up her leg, evoking a string of curse words. 

She hurriedly pulls her body up, gritting her teeth as the aching pain settles in her leg, leaving her taking deep swallows as if there were no air at all. Steadying herself on the uninjured foot, Minjeong hobbles to the back door, leaning on the broken handle for support. 

One last time she looks back, eyes surveying the damage of her actions. To many her work is morbid and against standard morals, but she views it as art. The bloodied sledgehammer that was used to cut so many lives short, and her last victim’s mangled body. 

The perfect execution of murder - at least in her eyes. She knows that eventually she’ll be sentenced to prison, left to rot alone in a cell. Or maybe karma will completely end her, leaving her cold and dead the same as all of her victims. But not now, right now she still has purpose. 

-

10:45PM - Cho Industries, Abandoned Warehouse

You grasp the cold plastic of your radio, putting it to your mouth.

“Choi, 10-97.”

“Copy.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and close your eyes in exhaustion. Sleep is what you’ve been aiming to prioritize, but within the last few weeks a spree of murders has erased any means of a semi-normal sleep schedule. The only reason you were still functioning was due to energy drinks and an unhealthy amount of double shot coffees.  

Opening the door of the car you are immediately hit with the feeling of chilling air biting at you, making you shiver in response. Down the gravel road of the warehouse are numerous cop cars, the familiar flashing of blue and red lights reflecting off of every surface. Officers are sprinkled around the property, some examining objects while others search the perimeter. 

It reminded you of your days as an officer - not that you enjoyed them. You were much more reserved as of now, preferring to keep to yourself. Even going as far as to have an unmarked black car to draw less attention to yourself as you worked, keeping the gaze of others off of you. Working alone has always been your strong suit, it allows you more freedom.

After a few moments you decide to finally rise out of the car, slamming the door behind you. Your shoes scrape against the pavement as you walk up the driveway, only stopping once you reach the chief of police, Hwan. 

“Detective Choi, nice of you to join us.” He speaks in a thick gravelly tone, each sentence sounding as if he were struggling with his words. He runs his fingers through the bulk of his hair, a flurry of gray and white strands showing as he ruffles it. Based on his expression you can tell that the investigation has been rough.

It is to be expected of the police. Even when you were low in the ranks, an officer yourself, you never thought too highly of them. In your mind policemen were like the brute force of all emergency services, never often using their heads.

Hwan was different though, he had an old type of wisdom to him. 

Speaking of Hwan, he raises his hand over his shoulder, signaling you to follow him inside of the warehouse. The strong smell of fresh blood causes you to gag as you both walk to the center of the room. 

In the back corner of the room you could see a singular policeman puking his dinner out - must be a newbie. Although it was hard for you to adjust to the smell, you had never thrown up before. It was understandable though, as the mangled body in the center of the room was enough to permanently scar the mind of any normal civilian. 

You were shocked by the sight of the body too, honestly. Half of his head had caved in and the other side was crusted in blood, his face completely unrecognizable with the damage inflicted upon him. The thought of dying in such a gruesome way made you shudder, to think of the pain that the victim had to endure before finally dying. 

Next to him lay a sledgehammer, worn through and clearly used multiple times. In fact, with the amount of wear, there was a chance that this weapon was used on the previous victims. 

“After we investigate the rest of the scene, the sledgehammer will need to be sent to the lab for DNA analysis.” Hwan rubs his face with both hands, adjusting the rim of his glasses, his eyes shut tightly. He clearly felt burdened by the case. When it came to those who commit mass killings, they were usually so caught up in the thrill of the hunt that they unknowingly left evidence. 

However, this person was clearly intelligent, and if they had not been rushed this time they likely would have fled with the body again. “You would think,” you pause for a second, “ that some clue would have been found now that would tell us something about the killer. Considering they were in a rush, there must be something else.”

“Any reason you suspect the killer was in a rush? It’s unlike you.. I mean to make assumptions so lightly,” he grumbles, taking a step forward, his eyes darting around the emptiness of the warehouse. 

“The previous victims were all murdered at abandoned areas, and then taken to secondary locations to be dumped. Every body beforehand was found in open fields about fifteen miles from the original killing site.” 

“We know that all of the victims were murdered with sledgehammers, which somewhat confirms that one person has carried out all of the killings. Regarding the previous cases, the murderer never left a weapon behind because they were never in a rush. You can’t just lug a sledgehammer around in a hurry.”

The words fell from your mouth so easily, it all made perfect sense to you, like clicking in another puzzle piece. Considering all of the cases you had solved before, this was a walk in the park for you. 

Your eyes meet with Hwan’s for a second, a hint of admiration in his eye as he processes your words. You adjust the collar of your shirt, waiting for his response when something catches your attention.

‘That door, the one near the exit. Was it forced open when you arrived?” Your footsteps become heavy as you rush to the doorway, the sound echoing off of the walls. Hwan follows quickly in pursuit, his breathing all huffy as he tries to keep up.

“I had asked when I arrived on the scene.. they never spoke much of it. I guess they figured that it was due to the building being so old.” He clears his throat, his gaze focused on the broken push handle. 

“Your team often overlooks these things, you know that Hwan?” Your annoyance is clear as you rummage through your coat pocket for a flashlight, gripping it in your hand as you force the door open. As you peak outside and shine the flashlight down you notice small footsteps caked into the mud, the trail ending just a few feet away.

“Some small footsteps those are,” Hwan towers over you from behind, the smell of cologne and cheap cigarettes wafting into your nose. 

“I think I prefer the smell of dead bodies over your.. funk.” You snap at him, leaning back inside the building, the door still ajar as you walk back to the center of the room. Hwan follows behind you, chuckling uncontrollably at your outburst, high laugh heavy and throaty - likely due to those cheap ass gas station cigarettes.

“Well what now, Choi?”

“The body needs to be covered and the body removal team should be called in to transport the victim to the morgue, the rest of the evidence needs to be photographed and collected, and I’ll write my report soon after,” you flex your shoulders, feeling the deep ache in all of your joints. 

Hwan nods and works his way to the rookie while you make your way over to the body, pulling out a sleek black camera to capture an image. You repeat this process multiple times, starting with the body, then the sledgehammer, and the blood trails.

The last area that needs photographing is the back door and trail of footsteps. As you make your way back to the door you find the mini flashlight in your pocket, gripping it hard as you step outside. The brightness of the light reveals the footprints once again. On your other hand you hold the camera steadily, clicking on the button. 

The first flash shoots out, lighting the space a few inches in front of you. When the camera flashes the final and second time, you notice a shadow darting back hurriedly. It catches you off guard, your heart dropping as you listen for any indicator that someone is present. 

You hesitate for sometime but decide to brush it off, figuring that your lack of sleep is causing slight hallucinations. If Hwan saw you right now he’d be enjoying the sight of your skittish behavior.

Speaking of Hwan, as you walk back into the warehouse there he is, smoking another one of those cigarettes. “I think this qualifies as tampering with evidence,” you eye him closely, watching his face, eyebrows furrowing like they always do, the primary cause of the crease in between them. 

“Mm.. possibly,” he grunts out, blowing a plume of smoke out towards you. Asshole.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, unfortunately. I’ll send my report out to you after the autopsy results come in, hopefully tomorrow. If anything happens before then, make sure to call me.” And with that you exit the building, the cold air blowing against you as you walk towards your car.

The thought of rest becomes so tempting as you get into your car, buckling your seatbelt and jerking the key into the ignition. All you want is some nourishment and a place to sleep, but with being so far away from home you’ll have to make do with a motel and whatever is open at this time.

You switch the gear on the car, the sound of the radio playing faintly in the background - Seoul Drift. You finally feel at ease as you drive down the empty streets, the only downside being the lack of food options. Nothing really catches your eye until you pass a relatively empty diner. 

You turn on your blinker and pull into the parking lot, away from the other two cars. Most likely the employees who want to be anywhere but at work. The dashboard clock reads 12:32AM. You’re surprised they’re even open at such a time.. desperate for business maybe. 

Letting the previous song fade out you turn the car off, the safety light darkening as you exit the car. It’s eerily quiet outside, the only other sound being the chirping of crickets in the distant bushes.

“There’s no need for me to be nervous..” you say it out loud, reassuring yourself that there was no chance of anyone harmful being nearby. It doesn’t help that the street lights are out though, one singular light flickering near the curb of the street. Disregarding those thoughts you walk inside, looking around at the interior of the diner. 

The lights were warm but dim, and the place was somewhat rundown; the seats peeling, the wooden tables with minor blemishes, and the heavy clutter near the bar area. At this point, you paid no attention to it, messy bars were the least of your worries tonight. 

Deciding to seat yourself due to the lack of staff, you choose the booth nearest to the back. Only then do you notice the other lone customer situated in the booth opposite from you. She stares at the seats across from her, her fork poking at the small portioning of dumplings in front of her. Her general attire was odd.. a black trenchcoat with a white cropped tank top and shorts to match.

Despite that, she was really pretty, handsome even. With pale, ghost-like skin she looked like a vampire almost, her paleness complimenting the color of her hair. She had a few gashes near her lips and nose -  from a scuffle possibly? You were in no mood to ask, not that you would anyway.

Seconds later the kitchen door swings open, a middle-aged woman with a notepad approaching you. She smiles, more energetic than you expected her to be at such a time. 

“What can I get’cha? We’re still serving dinner right about now.. but if you’d like coffee we can still make that!” What a sweet woman, so full of life. You were so caught up in watching the girl that you had not even browsed the menu. “Uhh do you guys have any soups? Maybe just some water for a drink..”

“We have miso soup, you can have it warm or cold. We also have vegetable soup and rice soup.” She watches you intently, probably focused on the dark circles lining your eyes. 

“Ah, I’ll have the miso soup.. uhh warm. Please.” You shut the menu and nod at her as she walks off, hand still scribbling in her mini notepad. That’s when you notice the girl watching you now, her face expressionless as her eyes sweep you up and down, almost as if she recognizes you. 

It’s weird, yes. But she could be any stoner or freak hanging around, it had nothing to do with you. You were in no mood to interrogate someone over their manners. And anyway, your main concern was finding the bathroom in this place, you hadn’t gone since before arriving on scene. 

You jump up from the booth, spotting the bathroom and making your way inside, the lights way brighter inside the bathroom than the little diner. Choosing the nearest stall you quickly handle your business and step back out, watching yourself in the mirror. You were a mess, it was easier to see that as you washed your hands.

Groaning you run your fingers through your hair, giving it a quick fix and washing your face with the cool water from the sink. You looked more presentable now, not that you cared. Okay, you kind of cared..

Yawning, you walk back to your booth to find your food piping hot at the table. It might be the most appetizing food you’ve seen in weeks. Slipping into the booth you drink a spoonful of the soup, the rich broth feeling warm in your mouth. Out of the corner of your eye you can see the girl watching you carefully, waiting for something. 

Choosing to ignore her you continue to eat your soup, occasionally taking a drink of your water to balance out the hotness of the soup. With each bite you can feel sleep creeping up on you, but not in a comforting way. You feel sick, your head racing but your body still. 

You drop your head against the table, spoon falling to the floor as you rest silently. Not wanting to move another inch out of fear of throwing up. You breathe heavily, eyes blinking slowly, as you watch the girl approach you, bending down to your level and stroking your cheek. 

The next few minutes are a blur as she pulls you from the booth, forcing your arm around her neck and guiding you out the door of the restaurant. Her other hand works around your waist, digging into your pocket until she finds your car keys. She’s firm but gentle with you as she drops you down into the passenger seat of your own car, shutting the door as quietly as possible.

You feel dizzy as you watch her get into the driver’s seat. She turns to face you, an amused smirk plastered to her face as she leans over, buckling you into the car. You can almost smell her as she leans into you, her arms grabbing the buckle and strapping you inside. 

“From now on you’ll be my upper hand on those pigs.”

-

1:55AM - Song Motel, Room 127

Your head feels fuzzy and warm as you stare up at the ceiling. The woman is above you, naked, watching you carefully as you struggle to move. She brushes her hair from out of her face, the red gashes that once marked her lips and nose now gone. “You.. you wanted that.. did it..” your words are slurred and you can tell that she honestly feels a bit guilty as she watches you, her eyes narrowing slightly. 

“Maybe I overdid it a bit..” She pulls you by your legs until your ass is pressed against her. You turn your head to the side, focused on the cheap A/C blowing at you. You’ve retained the feeling in your arms but you still find it difficult to move anywhere. “You’re not..” Your mouth feels like rubber, the words at the tip of your tongue, but somehow stuck.

“Minjeong. You call me Minjeong. Do you understand?” Her tone is serious, like she’s daring you to run your mouth back to her. And you don’t. You physically cannot talk, coherently anyway. So you nod instead, pleading with your eyes for her mercy.

Minjeong ignores it, her strong hands spreading your legs open. You understand why you feel so cold now, the clothes once on your body were thrown askew halfway across the room, your body completely exposed and vulnerable to her. Who would have thought that the weirdo across from you at the restaurant was this fucked in the head? You knew that she was odd, but you never suspected she would have been a creep.. not like this. 

“Come here. Give me your hand..” She pulls your hand with her own, fingers intertwined for a moment before she presses the palm of your hand against her dick. She grunts softly as she positions your fingers around it, making you lightly pump against it, her dick growing in size with each slow stroke. 

Minjeong drops her head back, her hips thrusting faster, so desperate to get her cock wet in your hand. Her labored breaths grow heavier each time your hand touches her tip, precum dripping from the tip of it. She wasn’t even trying to make much of an effort at this point, just mindlessly thrusting like an animal in heat. 

You could feel yourself becoming wetter just by watching her, and you knew that was wrong. The fact that you wanted her more than anything else, the fact that you were going to, no, willing to let her do what she wanted to you, it was all wrong. Minjeong was aware of that, she was aware that her charm was too much for someone like you to handle. Someone who never had time for sexual encounters, someone who was dripping wet just from getting her off. You’d be her little toy. 

Eventually she grows tired of your thrusting, wanting something more than the pressure of your hand. She rests her head in between the crook of your neck, teasing the skin with the suction of her mouth, purple marks forming on the surface of your skin. She whines a bit as she holds her dick, smacking it against her own hand causing the precum to smear on her palm. 

“Fuck.. so good..” she whispers into your ear, her hands on your shoulders as she struggles to find your entrance. She misses a few times, cursing as she does so, but after three tries she manages to push herself inside, stretching your tight cunt out.

It almost immediately draws a reaction from you, as if the drug within your bloodstream had never been there at all. Wrapping your arms around her back you begin to claw, leaving red marks on her snow white skin, but it only makes her pump faster. The warmth of your pussy gripping around her cock is like heaven, her eyes rolling back as your slick pours onto her length, making her cock a big wet mess. 

Every few seconds she pulls out her slick coated cock and rubs it against your clit, a sadistic look on her face as your moans fill the room. But just as quickly as her cock comes out, she jams it back inside, watching the bulge from her thick cock form in your tummy. 

You try to regain your bearings, to focus, but the hot tingling feeling and the sound of her balls slapping against your ass only confuses you even more. You’re both so desperate at this point, you don’t even struggle when she forces your legs up, allowing her to go balls deep inside of your pussy.

“Hold still.. stay there.. be a good girl for me.” Her thrusts are slower but way harder now, causing some pain as she thrusts, but it never replaces how fucking good she feels in you, your entire cunt filled to the brim with her cock. You can feel it now, her balls pulsing as she comes closer to filling you with her seed. 

“Minjeong.. Jeong- Jeongie!” That was the final straw for her. She bottoms out inside of you, thick ropes of cum shooting deep into you. It makes you clench each time, as if you were milking her cock for every single ounce of cum. 

You’re yelping now, even as she pulls out of you. Her seed spilling out of your pussy as she pulls out, cock wet and now semi-soft. You have little to no energy now, your body giving out with those last few thrusts of hers. She rises from the bed searching for something in the nightstand near you, and then you see it, duct tape. 

You no longer feel like fighting her anymore. You’d rather sleep, you’d rather accept your losses and dream. She knows that, you know that she knows that. 

-

2:35AM - Song Motel, Room 127

Minjeong sits on the bed next to you, watching you intently as you doze off into sleep. Even to someone like her you look adorable with your head turned to the side, and your arms sprawled out above your head. 

She takes a deep breath, finding some sense of calm again. Showing her emotions, even if you weren’t conscious, was considered a sign of weakness to her.

The sound of the aircon turning off quickly pulls her from her thoughts again, her attention back to you. You look cold to her, goosebumps forming on your arms, your body curling up to preserve some warmth. Minjeong tries to ignore it, to rid herself of any sympathy, but her stubbornness lasts no longer than a few seconds. She rises from the bed, cautious to not wake you from your slumber as she covers you with the bulky comforter. 

She drops to her knees near the edge of the bed, observing the sound of your breathing. “I hope you’ll come to understand me..” Her words are directed at you, even though she knows you cannot hear her. But she needs to speak her mind, to justify herself.

To be truthful she really had no intent of harming you, not until you showed up at the diner. Without a lead detective the case will slow, completely halt even. Right now you’re her prized possession, her wild card.

Her eyes were on you from the moment you had stepped onto the crime scene. She had never actually left. She was eager to see who had been pursuing her, who had been trying so hard to take her down. It was even better that you had no idea she was the one who had been killing. 

-

4:45AM - Song Motel, Room 127

You wake up suddenly, the sound of your ringtone buzzing in the distance. Instantly you go up to grab it but are stopped by your restraints. Everything comes rushing back then, the restaurant, the kidnapping, the sex, the.. Minjeong. The girl from the restaurant.. Minjeong. 

You pull against the tape, praying that the friction will be enough to wear it out. It hurts as it digs against your skin, but it begins to stretch, your wrists slipping out of your confines. Rushing to your phone you pick it up and tap the return call button - all twenty calls from Hwan. ‘

The second he picks up you go into a tyrant, desperately explaining yourself - kind of.

“I’m sorry, I was sleeping! I mean.. heavily y’know the case has been.. a lot!”

“I don’t have time for your explanations Choi. Get down here, the abandoned YG parking lot, now.” He hangs up, leaving you silent on the other end. 

Groaning you look around the room for your clothing, butt ass naked as you walk near the entertainment center and dig through your pile of clothes, putting each piece on hurriedly.

The second your clothes are on you ram into the motel door, the hinges squeaking as it opens. Your eyes search through the lot, eyes stopping on your black car left in the corner. 

“Hey, you should keep it down and be mindful of others,” an older man spits out, cigarette halfway out of his mouth as he approaches you. 

“God.. fuck off!” Is what you were thinking, but accidentally said. It didn’t matter to you, not at this point in time. You pull at the handle and almost fall back as the door opens, your keys still left in the ignition. 

It was sheer luck that she left the keys inside of the car, but that means she could still be around somewhere. And between dealing with Hwan or Minjeong, you’d choose Hwan any day. 

You start the car, almost jerking that bitch back into another car as you pull out, the man watching you in pure shock as you speed off. 

With your right hand clutching the steering wheel you type the destination into the car's touchscreen, foot pressed heavily against the pedal as you speed down the streets. You’re scared of Hwan, of facing off with a murderer, everything. But it’s part of your job and you carry that on your chest.

-

5:35AM - YG Parking Garage, Entrance

You rush out of the door, barely even stopping the car as you open the door, the headlights brightly shining onto the building.

Hwan stands on his lonesome, back facing you as he stares up at the abandoned parking garage, his shoulders tense and flexed back. 

“The killer is in there,” he says it so surely, no doubt showing in his deep voice. He keeps his back turned to you and trains his eyes on the concrete below his shoes. 

You join his side and stare straight into the main entrance of the lot, mentally preparing yourself for whatever may come. Nothing has happened and yet you already feel a deep dread all throughout your body.

“There was a disturbance call again. Reports of an unknown person wandering the perimeter. I’ve instructed other units to be prepared on nearby streets. I figured the killer would be alerted if we all showed up with our sirens blaring.. or our headlights on the building.” 

Hwan begins to step forward, drawing his gun out in front of him, his finger close against the trigger. He looks back at you finally, a willful but scared look in his dark brown eyes. It was all routine to you both, constantly being forced to face life and death.

You join him at his side, drawing your own gun and clicking the safety off. Without further exchange in words you both make your way inside the building, clearing the first corner and working your way up the garage. 

The only sound to be heard is the echoing of your footsteps and the ever so faint breathing of Hwan. You wondered if someone as calm and collected as him could really be so nervous. He always seemed so strong, like a father you could follow around and count on to protect you. So if even he was on edge, then how should you feel? 

Both of you wrap around the second floor of the garage, whipping yourselves around the pillars and empty custodial rooms inside the building. With each step you grow closer to third floor, and your anticipation only eats away at you more than before. 

Both you and Hwan reach the third floor now, knuckles white with how hard you both grip at your own pistols. Hwan takes the lead, moving his gun as he checks behind each singular pillar.

There were only so many floors, only so many pillars that the killer could hide behind. There were limited custodial rooms, one on each floor near every ramp. So with each one successfully cleared you only felt sicker for what was to come. 

Hwan turns back to look at you, his body moving towards the next pillar when a shot rings out. 

His eyes widen as the bullet makes impact, piercing the skin on his shoulder and sending him crashing onto the ground, blood spattering as he drops. 

Fear sweeps through your body, freezing you in place right before the pillar where this murderer stands. You wait, pistol aimed near the pillar but eyes focused on Hwan bleeding out.

He grits his teeth, head lolled back as he lets out a string off curses, his hand clutched hard around his shoulder, warm blood seeping out and painting his hand. 

“Get her,” he blurts out through cries of pain, tears forming in the crevices of his eyes. “Fucking go now!” His voice is loud this time, ushering you out of your pathetic state and into action. 

And you do, but not quick enough as the suspect darts out past you to the previous pillar, catching you off guard. You turn on your heel, following the killer and weaving around each pillar for protection. 

A shot wizzes past you and embeds itself into the pillar behind you, causing you to jump back and behind for cover. You can hear the fading footsteps of the suspect, your heavy breathing, the sound of the radio blaring from your walkie-talkie. A swirl of emotion taunting you in the back of your mind.

Hwan speaks into the mic, his words a slur of cussing and explanations. “Shots fired, I’m hit. Choi is..” his voice fades out and returns. “Down the ramps!” 

You duck out from behind the pillar and continue your chase with the killer, both of you racing to the final floor. You can see the body of the killer growing closer as you reach the last ramp. 

The familiar trench coat and the now bloodstained white shirt and shorts that lay under. Before you can fully react, both of your arms reach out, grabbing the sides of the coat, sending you both tumbling down the ramp.

A struggle for dominance ensues as you both fight against each other, arms flailing about. You drop back onto the floor, gun drawn and face severely scraped up. 

As your eyes survey your surroundings, only then do you notice. 

Minjeong stands above you, eyes widened and just as shocked as you are. She steps back, her gun that was just pointed at you now hanging lightly from her fingers. She looks terrified, like a deer in headlights - ashamed even. 

Your hand instinctively reaches for your radio, your hand gripping the cold plastic the same as many times before. You speak into the radio, mimicking a voice of true terror. 

“All units to the front entrance!” 

She understands your intentions now. 

So why don’t you? 

Why are you helping someone who hurts?

Minjeong steps back, legs weak as she turns for the back exit. Her eyes are studying you for an explanation as to why, why you would spare the life of someone as undeserving as her. 

Eventually she turns fully, but guilt washes over her, making her look back one last time. 

 She obviously wants to say something, anything to break the silence. Her eyes look pitiful, cheeks flushed bright red. But when the shouts of policemen become louder she turns away, shrouding herself from view and disappearing into the night.

A/N: I did proof read it a few times, if I missed anything then I apologize in advance. :/

[dumpywrites]

So What if We - Kim Namjoon / RM

Prompt: “This wouldn’t change our friendship, right?”

Prompt request: HERE

Genre/tags: Slight angst, friends to lovers, minor mentions of smut

Pairing: Namjoon x she/her reader

a/n: I've been into friends to lovers trope lately and keep prioritizing the stories w/ this theme. I'm not neglecting the other requests I swear! haha this also turns out more sweet rather than angsty, it seems like I'm quite a bad angst writer T_T

“This wouldn’t change our friendship, right?”

That was what the guy said to you, the morning after waking up next to you in your very own bed. His eyes were a bit droopy but he had a smile smeared on his lips. His two layers of top were tossed somewhere on the bedroom floor, messily, and his jeans were hanging loosely on the edge of the bed. You thanked the heavens that he somehow had his boxers on with him.

Both of you were drunk the night before. You knew it was a bad idea to bring alcohol to the mix when you vent to your best friend. Nevertheless, you did it anyway and the damage had been done.

Being friends with Namjoon came because of the convenient at first. While it was true that both of you came from the same circle of friends, you were never that close at the beginning. After switching job and finding out his apartment was actually near your new workplace, he would often ask you to eat dinner together after work, knowing your tendencies to forget and skip meals after work.

And that was how you grew closer. Noticing how cute his dimples were and how caring he was towards you came naturally after that. He was a gentleman. The small things he did when you were with your friends suddenly felt a little more special. Before, you would never bat an eye when he helped you on the most basic things, like pulling Taehyung’s dinner chair, just because of how heavy they were. He would always do that before, but lately, your heart did a little flip when he did the gesture. 

It started to worry you as day by day you began to see him romantically rather than how you’d view the rest of your friends. Safe to say getting pissed drunk with just the two of you comprehensibly was a bad idea. 

It started when both of you were on your fifth can of sparkling rum, the tv was playing baby shark, you could not care less of what was playing at that point, alongside the scattered conversation cards on the floor. 

You could barely read the question card in your hand, but Namjoon was quick to read his. 

“Why did you break up with your most recent ex?”

You frowned. “That’s not fair, how come your last question was about what do you miss in your childhood but I got this?!”

“Just answer it!” He laughed. 

“I don’t know. It’s been a year I don’t even wanna remember.” You shrugged.

“It’s been that long?” 

“Yeah.” You chuckled. “Can’t believe it’s been a year since last time I got laid.” 

He looked at you with widened eyes due to the unbelievable sentence that just came out from your mouth. The alcohol truly was making you lose your filter. 

“You haven’t got laid in a year???” 

“Stop, don’t say it like that!” You whined. “So what if I don’t do casual hookups?”

“True but…” He squinted his eyes, trying to get a better look at you. “I just can’t believe it cause you’re hot.”

You eyed him questioningly, squinting in a cartoonish behavior. 

“I have eyes.”

“So do I, duh.” 

“Just take a compliment, please.” He rolled his eyes.

Both of you were sitting on the sofa with shoulders touching each other. Your head was getting heavy and his voice started to sound like honey, buttering your ears, making your mind dizzy. Furthermore, you did not know since when did he has his hand over your left thigh, just sitting there doing nothing. 

“Don’t you get horny sometimes?” He asked again, followed by a light grin. 

“Obviously.” You laughed bitterly. “Why? You’re offering help or something?” 

It was a bold thing to say, but before you knew it, somehow you were manhandled into his lap and your lips met in a rough and hungry kiss. Honestly you did not know how many minutes passed of both you just tongue dancing with each other. He broke the kiss only to ask you a question. 

“Do you mind if I touch your boobs?”

You almost laughed, but quickly nodded anyway. The rest was history, which brought you to the first problem. Your best friend waking up almost fully naked next to you, asking you a question that sounded so vile in your ears. 

“This wouldn’t change our friendship, right?”

“Yeah… I guess so.” 

“I don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable or anything—“

“No! I swear I’m not…” You quickly interrupted. 

“I did wear…”

“You did.” You chuckled. “It was a good thing I had some in my bedside.” 

“Okay.” He laughed nervously. “You sure you’re alright, though?”

“I mean… shit happens, I guess?” 

“I guess you’re right.” 

You were in fact a big fat liar. Things quickly went downhill right after. If it wasn’t that obvious to you then, it was now. You had feelings for Namjoon and it was even harder when he would still ask you to eat dinner with him after work. He acted like nothing had ever happened between you, and so did you. You endured and buried whatever feelings you had, for the sake of not wanting to lose him. 

Watching him acting normally when your friends were around while here you were, trying your best not to break your character. 

**

“Jin!” You exclaimed, hugging the guy. 

“Come on, everyone’s drinking already!”

Of course you were late, you were considering the option of not even showing up at all. It was getting harder trying to compose yourself while Namjoon was right there with all of your friends. 

“Why is Yoongi dancing?” You looked at the chaos in front of you. 

“I told you, they’re already drinking.” Jin laughed. “Here, take this.” The guy handed you a cup. 

You cringed upon bringing the cup closer to your nose. “Is this Jungkook’s whiskey cola?! That guy mixes like one percent of cola to his whiskey. I’m not drinking this.”

“You could always spend the night.” The older guy replied as he shrugged at you with a grin on his handsome face. 

“I’m not sleeping on your couch.” You laughed, bringing the untouched cup with you anyway. 

“You’re here!”

You gulped. Of course he had to greet you all excited. You wanted so badly to wipe that stupid smile off his face, but you couldn’t. You had to put on this whole best friend act. Just a little longer.

He looked casual and boyish. The plain army green oversized tee matched with his cream colored bermuda shorts. Ever since he decided to bleach his hair you couldn’t manage more than three seconds looking at his face. It was just a silly thing he did when he was bored, but boy oh boy did he look hot.

Managing a smile, you hoped he didn’t notice the few seconds of silence you took. 

“Come here!!!” Yoongi shouted at you with a silly smile on his face. Man was clearly drunk out of his mind. 

“Who’s responsible for this?” You felt bad but couldn’t help but to laugh slightly at the sight. 

“Let him be, dude’s heartbroken.” Taehyung bit his inner cheek as he told you. 

“Poor Yoongi.” You cooed. 

“Joon though, on the other hand…” Taehyung continued, whispering to your side. “My guy looks like he’s in love.”

Your body jumped internally. “He is?”

“You don’t know? I thought you guys hangout together a lot lately.”

“Well, yeah but… he’s never really mentioned anything in that topic actually.” 

“Weird.” Taehyung hummed. “Cause he’s totally acting like he’s in love with someone right now.” 

“He acts the same.” You replied. Secretly you prayed that your friend would not notice the annoyed tone in your voice. 

“He’s been writing love songs, are you kidding me?!” The guy next to you laughed. 

“So? Love songs sell.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Bro, I saw this part of the lyrics where he talk about a girl riding him! It’s insane!” Taehyung beamed. 

A flush of heat came through you and you cleared your throat, regaining your composure. “That’s none of my business.” 

“Ah, I get it now. You’re jealous.” The lad smirked and nodded his head at you. 

“Now what kind of conspiracy theory is this?!” You tried to laugh it off. 

“I mean, yeah he doesn’t normally go for girls that look like you.”

“That’s offensive.” 

“No, I mean in a good way. He dates the most boring and basic looking pretty girls.”

“I was feeling great until you drop the word “pretty” at the end.” You eyed the guy. 

“He doesn’t join our online gaming nights anymore.” 

“And?” 

“Since he started hanging out with you.”

The statement made you stop. Taehyung’s words had you contemplating. Some nights you would give Namjoon a call when you were just simply tired, wanting to hear the comfort of his voice. Listening to his random rambles and yaps were enough to ease the burnt out from work. Could it be? Was talking to you important enough to make him skip gaming with his friends? You hoped it wasn’t just a silly thought. 

“Hello?” Taehyung waved at you. “Back from delulu world, yet?”

“Shut up.”

“Suit yourself.” Taehyung snickered before leaving you to join the others doing karaoke session. 

You could only shook your head in amusement. After being friends with them for years, the sight of the guys being goofy was definitely not something new to you. Spotting the empty dining table, you chose to sit on the chair, watching them from afar. 

That was until a certain someone approached you. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Speak of the devil. 

You forced a grin. “You know Taehyung and his silly rambles.” 

“You’re not gonna join us?” 

“Nah, I don’t feel like drinking today.” Funnily, the cup of drink was still in your hand. You swirled the liquid and stared at it. 

“What’s bothering you?” He asked while taking the empty chair next to you. 

“Just don’t wanna drink today, that’s all?” 

“Wanna go get some fresh air?” He looked at you with a sly smile. 

“We can???” You looked at him with wide eyes. “Where?”

“Jin’s bedroom balcony. We just have to be very quiet though so they don’t notice us going upstairs.” He chuckled. 

“You’re crazy. This is some type of shit that will get slippers thrown at us!” 

“He’s already on his new cup.” Namjoon said, bringing your attention to the older guy taking a fill of his drink. “He won’t notice.”

The smile on his face was making it hard for you to refuse the offer. Sighing, you put the plastic cup down on the table and stood up. 

“Fine, but if anything happens, I’m blaming it fully on you.”

“Whatever you say, princess.” He laughed and stood up as well. 

Oh if only he knew the effect he had on you, just casually calling you with that nickname. 

Both of you tiptoed upstairs, giggling like a couple of high schoolers sneaking out. You let him open Jin’s room and closed the door behind. As soon as you both make it to the balcony, you saw him shuffling his hand through his back pocket. 

“Do you mind if I smoke?”

“Uh, no. Go ahead.” 

“Thanks.” He said before lighting one on his lips. 

You just stood there, unknowingly admiring him huffing and puffing smoke to the opposite direction from you. 

“Still don’t wanna tell me what’s inside your pretty little head?” He looked at you with a grin. 

“What’s with the compliments today?” You raised one of your eyebrows at him. 

“It’s probably the alcohol.” He chuckled. 

“Wow, so you need to be drunk to say that I look good?!” You folded your arms.

“I’d say it made me more honest… but believe what you wanna believe.” He looked to your direction, making your heart jumped. 

You cleared your throat. “Joon, I uh… I kinda need to tell you something.” 

“What is it?” 

Whatever the hell that happened between us, changed me. I wasn’t okay with just being friends. I have feelings for you. 

“You look like the baby from Ice Age movie.”

“Fucking hell.” He groaned as you bursted out laughing. 

It was for the best. He did not need to know. You would outgrow this abnormal phase.

The whole world stopped when he suddenly tucked your hair behind your ears. You froze, looking at him, searching for his eyes. There was that smile again. 

“It’s windy.” 

“Y-Yeah.” You stuttered. 

“This might sound crazy but can I kiss you?”

You widened your eyes and stepped back a bit. “You’re drunk.”

“Maybe if you…“ He groaned, squeezing his cigarette bud and tossing it. “Fuck it.”

“Huh—“

Your words were quickly cut by his lips on yours. Your mind went blank in an instant. What? Why? Whom? What was even happening you did not know anymore. All you knew was his lips moving softly against yours and the only thing that was filling up your brain was to do the same thing to him. You could taste the slight bitter taste of his cigarette, mixed with whatever fruity drink he had before, the one the boys clearly had drank all before you came since you were left with Jungkook’s abomination whiskey. 

You didn’t know how long were both of you lip locking with each other before you felt his hands started to travel, feeling up your body. You hummed on his lips and felt his breath hitched. Things seemed wrong but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop it. How could you? When this was all you wanted all along?

“Joon… I…” 

You tried to protest, but he quickly captured your lips again. This time more hungrily, almost feral. You swore you felt his hands grab your butt, massaging them softly. You flinched, a low yelp escaped your lips. 

Then he suddenly stopped. 

“Jesus, I’m so sorry.” He palmed his face. “I didn’t mean— Shit, you’re gonna hate me…”

“It’s okay, you’re just drunk…” 

“I’m not drunk.” He stopped you. “I have feelings for you.”

Now that’s a surprise. 

“You have feelings… for me?”

“Should’ve told you sooner, but I chickened out.” He smiled to himself. 

“You asked me if things wouldn’t change after that night…” You looked away, biting your lips. 

“I was panicking. I thought you’d hate me.”

“Well I don’t.” You huffed. “Clearly, I’m still here. I somehow managed to maintain my sanity while trying my best not to let things change between us. Just like how you wanted…” You didn’t realize some tears were already escaping your eyes. 

“Hey, don’t cry.” He grabbed your wrist and pulled you into a hug, which frankly, only made the crying worse. 

“You’re dumb.” You pulled away slightly, just to see his face. “But I have feelings for you too.”

You both laughed in unison and he pulled you back in his embrace, hugging you tighter. “I’m sorry.”

“You better be.”

“OH MY GOD!!!” 

You both turned your heads to Jin’s voice yelling from a near distance. In a flash you let go of each other. You looked at Namjoon and he only shrugged with a disappointed smile. 

“Who told you fuckers can enter my room so freely, huh?!” Jin yelled. 

“We thought you were drunk enough to not care.” You replied. 

“Well thanks to Yoongi turning our karaoke session into a crying fest, I had to wrap things up. Then I realize the two of you are missing.” He rolled his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, it was all me. I needed a quick smoke and I dragged her along.” Namjoon laughed, clearly not taking the older guy seriously. 

“Whatever.” Jin turned his back. “Just fuck off for now, my head hurts and I need to sleep.”

“Yes, sir.” Joon replied. 

“Go sleep somewhere.” The lean guy shooed. “And don’t you dare have sex in my house.”

“We didn’t—“ 

“Zip it.” Jin pointed at you. “Go before I throw my expensive Louis Vuitton slides at both of you.”

The two of you quickly made an exit. As soon as the door closed, the thick awkward atmosphere surrounded you. 

“You’re staying here for the night?” He asked. 

“Don’t know.” You looked around. “Are you?”

“Wanna… go back to my place? It’s just a ten minute walk.” He said sheepishly. “And uh, do things correctly this time?”

A giddy smile formed on your lips as you let him take your hands in his.

Thank you for reading! ⛅️

[azrielbrainrot]

I Laugh Like Me Again... She Laughs Like You - Part 4

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Description: Rhysand calls for a meeting so you and the rest of the Inner Circle can decide what to do next. Azriel stands by your side every step of the way.

Warnings: Angst (not that bad)

Word Count: 6680

Notes: This chapter was actually trying to fight me. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Hope you enjoy!

Part 3 ○ Part 5

The days were blurring together the longer you stayed in this room. You've long since memorized the golden stripes and swirls beautifully decorating the navy walls, counted the teardrop-like glittering stones hanging from the small chandelier. You've gone through every closet and box in this room as well. Unsurprisingly, the room was almost empty, but you weren't looking through it to find any information anyway, you'd really done it out of boredom, and admittedly some curiosity.

You knew you couldn't complain about your treatment in this house, you'd never heard of a prisoner being treated to home cooked meals and expensive clothes. The House had even brought you books and journals in case you wanted to read or write, and Azriel brought you little treats from the bakeries in town - things you suspect he already knew you liked. He also kept you company every chance he got, even if it meant simply sitting together in silence. You didn't go a day without seeing him. But it was hard to focus on romance novels, chocolate cupcakes or even the captivating hazel eyed male when your entire reality was shattering around you.

The day after you met the High Lord and Lady, Azriel had found you snooping through the few clothes left behind by Feyre, and that same night he dropped off what he called some of your old belongings - some clothes and jewelry so you didn't have to borrow anything else from the High Lady. Everything was neatly folded and carefully arranged, it seems Azriel was extremely meticulous about how to store his late wife's belongings. He told you he's barely allowed himself to touch them in fear of ruining anything.

The clothes had since lost your scent, even if put away in a closed box it would be impossible for it to linger after a century. Still, you knew these were your things, somehow you could feel it deep inside you. You hadn't told Azriel about this, scared of getting his hopes up.

There was nothing personal in the box, Azriel was probably reluctant in letting you see them in case it overwhelmed you and triggered any more painful reactions, but there was enough for you to get a sense of who you were before.

It was clear she lived a happier and much more fulfilled life than yours. The clothes were all beautiful, if a little outdated. They came in all sorts of colors and fabrics, but even if you still liked them now, you know you'd never buy something like this for yourself.

Working at the guild, you had to prioritize functionality. You didn't have many personal belongings, you traveled a lot for missions and had to keep hidden, never staying in the same place for longer than a couple of months at a time. Your clothes reflected this, you prefered to wear pants or even your armor since you never knew when you'd be called for a mission or attacked.

You always had to be ready to drop everything at any moment so there was no use getting attached to anything or anyone. Even your favorite dagger was simply the model you've found works best for you, and you can get it anytime from different blacksmiths. The small hoops currently in your ears are the only jewelry you actually own and it's more of a way to keep the holes open for when you have to do undercover missions in which you might need to dress up.

There was no time or place for getting pretty clothes that made you feel good or buying a nice pair of earrings for the sake of it. Even less for making friends. You were living an empty life, something you always had a hard time coming to terms with, but that seems impossible to accept now that you know what you could have had, what you used to have and was taken from you.

Not being able to even trust your own memories affected you more than you'd ever admit, knowing things you considered unquestionable facts before that night were all made up. You've had to rely on what Azriel tells you and your own intuition to try and fill in the gaps. Your body seemed to be giving you clues, nudging you in the right directions but it only left you beyond frustrated that you could feel like all the answers were on the tip of your tongue but not being able to put your finger on it.

From what you've gathered, the night you disappeared from the Night Court corresponds with the mission in which you almost died, meaning someone in the guild - your handler, if your suspicions are correct - must have found you and brought you in. It's safe to say that, aside from a few lies and omissions here and there, your memories since that night can be trusted. But everything before that was all a lie, over a century of your life was nothing more than a made up story.

A burning feeling behind your eyelids has you forcefully shaking out your thoughts. You can't let yourself get consumed before you even find out what exactly happened, before you can get your revenge. And you refuse to cry in this room where anyone, especially Azriel, could walk in at any moment and see you in such a state. If you had to pick one helpful thing the guild taught you, it was how to handle your emotions.

You knew the High Lord was making good on his promise, knew that Azriel was working to help you as well. He'd only ever left your side to look into any information you could give him about the guild, though your knowledge was limited. You weren't a high ranking member and they were more than careful. You didn't know anything about the other members, as much as they didn't know anything about you.

Still, you weren't used to waiting around while everyone else did all the work and it took them over a week to schedule a new meeting with you, where you hopefully will learn more about this whole situation and what they intend to do with you. It feels like they're keeping you in the dark, something you knew you'd also do in their place, but that has left you feeling nothing but frustrated and worthless.

That meeting was happening in less than an hour and anticipation was eating away at you. Azriel promised he was going to take you to the office, letting you use him as a safety line as you've done so often these days.

Aside from the welcome information and decisions you hope would be talked through, you were also just excited to leave this room for a few hours at least. Only being able to feel the wind through an open window was getting old, and the city below this house felt like it was almost calling to you at this point, but you were too scared of seeming too interested since you didn't know if they'd find it suspicious. Just because the High Lord left the room on a friendlier note doesn't mean he'll trust you completely after what you've done.

You were technically allowed out of the room, free to walk around the House, with Azriel's supervision of course, but after your first attempt you decided it wasn't worth the trouble.

It had been mostly a miscalculation on your part. You were so consumed with your problems and with finding some sort of distraction that you almost forgot Azriel wasn't the only one you knew before, didn't stop to think what reaction they all would have to you.

Azriel asked you to join him for breakfast downstairs as he usually did, trying to get you to move around and talk with the other residents of the House. You accepted, tired of being in the stuffy room and curious to meet the General and his mate, who you've sometimes felt around the House and heard so much about from Azriel.

The atmosphere turned painfully awkward as soon as you entered the dining room with the shadowsinger at your side, making the other residents of the house look up to meet your eyes, surprised you had left the room. It wasn't long before Cassian stormed out, barely making an excuse on his way out after getting a good look at you, his mate following right behind him.

You ended up eating breakfast alone with Azriel, the same way you would have if you'd stayed in your room like you always did instead. Except now you couldn't take the general's haunted expression out of your mind. It truly had looked like he'd seen a ghost. Maybe he did.

Azriel apologized to you on his behalf, even though it wasn't his or Cassian's fault, and you're almost positive there was some sort of fight between them, though you hope not too severe. You'd hate for Azriel to get into arguments with his family over you. He didn't invite you downstairs again after that, simply joining you in your room whenever he could. The reminder of how caring the shadowsinger has been with you almost brings a smile to your lips.

“I'll make you fall for me again.”

Those words haven't left your mind since that night. You've never had anyone look at you with so much love in their eyes, and tell you something so bold with such conviction.

You're not sure you deserve it, and you're terrified you'll never remember him because you know this version of you can't ever be compared to the one in his memories. Even if you end up regaining your memories, it's impossible for things to truly go back to how they were. It's been too long and you've changed too much. The both of you know this.

You haven't actually talked about his or your feelings since that night, but it's clear that he still loves you, well he loves the female he once knew anyway, you're not so sure you're even that similar to her aside from your appearance. It doesn't feel fair to let him dote on you, knowing he's in love with a version of you that will never come back, knowing that, even with the fluttering of your heart, your feelings for him don't come close to his.

It makes you feel like you're taking advantage of him, how he's so dedicated to taking care of you and to restoring your memories, even trying to find the people who hurt you, while to you he's a stranger. Even if an extremely handsome stranger whose company you enjoy a lot, who makes you smile and even laugh despite the precarious circumstances you've found yourself in, who makes you believe you can get through this.

You can't deny you have a reaction to him either, every soft touch feels like lightning running through your veins, and every whisper of your name has goosebumps spreading all over your skin. Your body obviously still remembers how it feels to love him and to be loved by him in return, but the butterflies in your stomach don't even come close to the depth of his feelings for you. It's glaringly obvious that Azriel would do anything for you, even going as far as letting you stab him the very first night you met and brushing it off when you tried to apologize during this week.

Truthfully, falling for Azriel sounds like the easiest thing in the world, but you don't think you'd ever feel like you deserve him.

The shadows in the room start shifting ever so slightly as if reading your thoughts - something Azriel has assured you they can't do - a sign that their singer is approaching.

You put down the book you never even started and hop down from the window sill you had been sitting on for most of the afternoon, waiting for him to knock softly at the door like he always did, letting you prepare for his arrival or deny his company if you so wished. Anticipation was buzzing at your skin the longer you waited so you opened the door for him as soon as his knuckles met the dark wood, catching him off guard with his hand raised.

You can't help but smile at his wide eyes. Surprising the feared Spymaster of the Night Court has to be a hard feat to accomplish and the fact that you just did it so effortlessly makes you revel in his expression for a moment. He offers you a small smile of his own but you can immediately tell something is holding him back.

He hasn't really given you any information about their research or the guild, simply letting you know that they were working as hard as they could on it. You knew the High Lord still had his reservations about your presence in his court so it only made sense for them to keep their cards close to their chest until they knew more about the situation. You suppose he also wanted to see if any of the leads you gave Azriel on the guild actually turned out to be helpful, a last test to see if you were being truthful.

So you wouldn't be surprised that the Inner Circle had a meeting among themselves before bringing you in, one it seems like Azriel just came from, but his expression is making your anticipation steadily turn into nerves.

“Are you ready?”

Even with the lump that has lodged itself in your throat, you nod and try to give him a pleasant smile. You've been waiting for answers and you're finally going to get them, even if it feels like your heart is threatening to give out.

You quickly turn back into the room to slip on your shoes, before looping your arm around the one he offers, ever the gentlemale. He guides you through the painting covered hallways, most of which you haven't walked through before.

As you approach the room your nerves get the best of you. There are a lot more people in the office than you thought there'd be, you can hear their mismatched heartbeats from here, feel their suffocating presences. One you can distinctively recognize is the General's, it reminds you of his reaction in the dining room, how it seemed to hurt him just looking at you.

You didn't think the entire Inner Circle would be in attendance, figured that it would only be the ancient one, the High Lord and Lady aside from you and Azriel. You'll likely have to reveal more about yourself than you'd be comfortable with in any other situation, including things you're not proud of, things you know they'll judge you for, they'll judge the female they once knew for.

Azriel noticed your body tensing, your steps getting slower and the apprehension rolling off you in waves as your thoughts soured. He stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder, meeting your unfocused eyes.

Seeing the worried look on his face makes you take a deeper breath, willing your mind to focus on what's important right now and let your fears stay locked inside you. Thinking of it as another mission the guild sent you on, you've put your life on the line numerous times, you can get through a simple meeting.

You feel a familiar mask of indifference fall onto your face, the mask of a killer the guild made sure you wore almost every day of your life, but before you can rid your mind of emotion, Azriel grabs onto your hand, intertwining your fingers together, and bringing it up to his lips. He leaves a soft kiss on your skin, one that sends chills down your spine, though it's the look in his eyes that makes you stop.

You're not alone. For the first time in your life, at least in the life you remember, you're not alone. He's going to be next to you for every step of the way. You don't need to resort to assassin tactics. The blank mask was something you didn't have a choice but to use, to protect yourself from the things you'd seen, from the things you feel. But here you're allowed to delve into your emotions, to stay true to them.

Azriel gives you a small smile and lowers your hand away from his lips, proud of whatever determination showed on your face. He lets go of you, making you feel the absence of his warmth immediately, fingers twitching as if trying to reach out to his comfort on their own.

As soon as you walk into the room all eyes turn to you. You had been right to assume everyone was here. You let your eyes wander around the room briefly, noting the familiar and new faces, before settling back on Rhysand's, the reminder of the excruciating pain you've felt the last time you saw him an obvious weight on your mind.

You'd seen them all before except for the blonde sitting on the sofa by the window, her brown eyes were wide, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. You know that was Morrigan, the High Lord's cousin, and from what Azriel has told you, one of your once closest friends. Apparently she'd tried to come talk to you but it so happened to be on the day after you went down for breakfast and you denied it without a second thought when Azriel brough the option up. You wonder if that had been too harsh but you weren't sure you could handle a repeat of the Cassian situation.

Feyre and Morrigan are the only ones who attempt to throw a greeting smile your way but you can't bring yourself to respond, acutely aware of the tension in the air, eyes never straying from the High Lord's. Choosing to focus on the elephant in the room.

“I trust your stay has been enjoyable,” Rhysand muses as he points to the chair across from his desk, urging you to sit as if this were a simple business meeting. As ridiculous as the idea sounds, it does something to loosen your muscles and the snort that escapes Cassian lifts some of the tension.

“Yes, the House has been making sure of it,” you sit on the chair across from his desk, not daring to look away from him and the High Lady. He releases a simple hum at the answer, but you're too anxious for small talk. “Have you found a way to get my memories back?”

“In a way,” he offers, leaving you with more questions.

Thankfully, Amren fills up the silence in his place. “The spell suppressing your memories is the work of witches. Daemati can enter anyone's mind and make them forget certain memories but if someone had simply rewritten your memories then Rhys would have been able to fix them.”

“Witches?” The thought was enough to send shivers down your spine.

“Witches use tools to strengthen their powers, to access magic they aren't privy to,” she continues, “It seems someone used a witch's tool to feign daemati powers and rewrite your memories, effectively warding them as well.”

“That's why you had such a strong reaction when I entered your mind.”

You were positive this had to be the work of a daemati. It had never crossed your mind that there could be something else at play.

“You can't undo the spell,” you conclude for them.

Witches have a completely different approach to magic than faeries. While your kind was gifted their magic by the Mother, witches have to resort to the kind of tools Amren mentioned. The resulting magic isn't organic and as such it comes with rules and drawbacks you don't experience as fae.

“We'll need to find the person responsible for it. They're the only one who can tell us exactly how to undo it,” Feyre says.

You bite your lip, your mind reeling with the information. You only have one suspect and the thought of not only finding him but also making him talk sounds beyond ridiculous. He also hasn't shown any hint that he could use witch magic. As far as you know he's as much high fae as you are, but you can never be too certain when it comes to one the best assassins in the world.

“Azriel says you can only identify one member of the guild,” the High Lord continues, barely giving you any time to process.

You nod. “I had direct contact with a few other assassins when I was called for backup but never knew their names or even what some of them look like without disguises.”

“Our only option is finding your handler, but Azriel hasn't been able to find any tracks even with the information you've given him,” Feyre stands closer to the desk now, her hand leaning on the dark wood.

“I'm not surprised. Norris is one of the most prominent members of the guild, I'm not sure how old he is exactly but I suspect he's been working there for close to a millenia.”

“Azriel is extremely good at his job,” Rhysand tilts his head slightly, as if offended for his Spymaster.

“I know.” From the briefings he's given you, he has spies all over the world aside from his shadows, who can listen and see things fae could never begin to imagine. Even with your hints, he's come closer to the guild in a week than entire countries have in decades, perhaps even centuries. “But we've been trained to kill and hide from people like him, like you. And Norris has been doing that successfully for a very long time.”

“We…” He taps his nails on the table, the sound echoing across the room. “So you're an assassin then,” the distaste clear on the High Lord's face.

You hadn't said the words out loud but everyone had probably guessed it the moment you walked back into their lives. The guild has made a name for themselves, and as much as some of your work consisted of spying or retrieving objects, most people came to the guild for mercenary jobs.

“Yes,” you confirm, forcing yourself to keep up the eye contact.

“An interesting career choice,” he muses, as if you had the pleasure of just choosing to become this monster.

The several pairs of eyes watching you intently were making you feel defensive, your temper rising up with it. It's easy to judge someone looking in from the outside. You'd been an assassin or training to become one ever since you could remember, which in reality wasn't your whole life like you thought before. Still, whether it was because you'd been taken in by the guild as a child or had your memories rewritten, you were thrown into it against your will and had since been stuck with no chance of an escape. Everyone has done things they're not proud of and you know fae in such important positions as these and as old as they are can definitely relate to this sentiment.

You weren't proud of it, far from it, but you didn't have a choice. And it's not your fault the female they knew before wouldn't do these things. It's not your fault that innocence and chance at being better she had were ripped away from you.

“Not everyone has the luxury of getting a court handed to them,” the venom drips out of your tongue, every word meant as a weapon.

You know this is a low blow, being aware of the circumstances in which Rhysand became High Lord, how he lost his whole family in one night. But if he wants cruelty, the assassin he keeps judging, you can certainly give it to them. Your bravado lessens when you feel the sharp intake of breaths around the room, most notably from the Illyrian by your side, where he still stands despite how tense his posture has become.

Rhysand's wings tighten against his body and his eyes narrow, finally letting go of the faux relaxed look he's presented you with. He takes a moment to answer you, likely leveling his temper or receiving soothing words from his mate.

“There was a time you wouldn't even dare to hurt an innocent.” This statement lacks the same bite as before, it gives way to disappointment, and it feels like a bucket of ice poured over molting lava. It cuts deeper than any amount of judgment he could have presented you with.

You straighten yourself in the chair, trying to not let it show how much this whole conversation is affecting you. “Well,” you lick your lip, now realizing how dry your mouth felt, “The only thing left from before is my body.”

His violet gaze finally becomes too much for you to bear, allowing yourself the respite of looking down at your hands. There are too many emotions swirling in his alluring eyes, even more felt around the room, the tension has become so thick you could barely breathe, couldn't even risk a look at Azriel in fear of what you'd find written on his face, terrified that the same disappointment lingered there as well.

“It's not,” the change in tone has you looking back up at him, meeting his gaze once more to find understanding reflected on it. And I can only imagine how you've been surviving through it all.

His echoing words make you pause, not being able to look away from him. It's only when wetness gathers in your eyes that you look back down, praying the room of perceptive fae don't notice how close you are to tears. You don't even remember the last time you cried, the last time someone extended you the kindness Rhysand just did, even after all the judgment.

Shadows start crawling up your legs, tentatively moving towards you as if asking permission to comfort you. You bite back a smile, keeping your tears at bay as you wonder if they moved of their own accord or if Azriel sent them to you. You relax your body, allowing them to twist and turn over your legs, mildly surprised that you can actually feel a ghost of a touch. You didn't think you could feel shadows.

You risk a glance at the shadowsinger in question, almost regretting it as you see the fondness reflected in his beautiful eyes as he watches his own shadows move across your skin. This must have been a regular occurrence before. You look away as soon as your gazes meet, not being able to bear the intensity in them in this room full of onlookers.

Unfortunately, your escape brings you back to facing the High Lord and Lady, who seem more than amused at your interaction with Azriel. The change in atmosphere from just a few moments ago almost gives you whiplash.

“You haven't told me what you plan on doing about the guild,” you try to keep your tone leveled, but looking at their reactions you're failing miserably.

“Finding your handler seems to be our best bet,” the smile on Feyre's face only falters a bit, the tension from before has almost dissipated. “Since he's the one who sent you here he might know who hired the guild and their motives for wanting the book.”

“You said he was the one who introduced you into the guild.” You nod at Rhysand. “It's possible he's the one responsible for your… accident.”

“I think so too,” you agreed, your hand moving up to touch the scar on your neck, “I've always been told this scar was the result of a failed mission, and that Norris had been the one to find me and take me to a healer.”

“We found the attackers not long after your death,” the general finally speaks up, cringing softly at the choice of word. His mate was quick to narrow her eyes at him, as if reprimanding him for mentioning it.

“He might not have actually cut my throat,” you shrug, trying not to linger in unpleasant thoughts. “He likely saw me after the attack and decided I'd make a good addition to the guild if I survived. I'm basically a ghost, that's perfect for an agent. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd done similar things before.”

“Either way, we need to find him.”

“Even if we do, I'm not sure he'll actually tell you anything.” Norris was one of the most respected members of the guild. His abilities far surpassed yours, he'd been the one to teach you most things after all. You've never been able to even sneak up on him so finding and capturing him alive already seemed hard enough, but making him cooperate and answer any of your questions was next to impossible. The Mother only knows how many fae have tried it and failed.

“He will,” Azriel stated. When you look into his eyes you can only see pure fury and determination written in them, leaving no space for any doubts. He stares into your eyes before adding, promising, “l'll make sure of it.”

Some of that confidence rubs off on you it seems, because your hesitation starts evaporating the longer you stare into his eyes. You've always been on your own, and as such you've only ever considered how you'd fare against your handler without backup. Between the famed Shadowsinger, the strongest High Lord in history, the Made Sisters, and everyone else in this room, your chances were exponentially higher. Escaping the guild doesn't feel like a pipe dream anymore.

“How do you want to find him?”

The High Lord rewards your determination with a smirk. “The only way to find someone like him is by making him search for us instead.”

“You want to use me as bait,”

“You can refuse,” Azriel assured. This explains his sour mood. You didn't think he'd agreed with this solution with the way he's been treating you so carefully, almost as if you're made of glass. You can't exactly fault him for it either, but the truth is you can't refuse. You don't know if you could ever find Norris with traditional tactics, or if the guild wouldn't send more assassins to the city, if they hadn't already.

“And keep living like this? Hiding without even knowing who I am?”

He searches your eyes, fear and vulnerability swimming in the hazel, but nods all the same. He told you he's dreamed of getting you back for a century, and thought it was something that would never come true, so it makes sense that he'd be hesitant on letting you put yourself in such a risky position. You know he understands why you need this though.

The meeting runs for a while longer, and by the time Rhysand was calling it a day the sun was already setting on the horizon, making way for the night to take over in all its glory, one that could only be fully appreciated in the Night Court.

As much as everyone seems to be warming up to you, letting go of the conflicted feelings towards having you back in these circumstances, you were extremely overwhelmed by the end. Talking to someone who knows you so intimately even though you don't have any recollection of it is a confusing experience. You could almost hear your mind screaming at you, begging for some peace and quiet.

The contrast between the Inner Circle and Azriel becomes clear in your mind. Your relationships were very different before but it's interesting to see that even when you don't have your memories, you feel so much calmer with him. That nagging feeling of being faced with something you've lost keeps rising up when they speak to you, but it doesn't come anywhere close to the myriad of emotions Azriel evokes simply by looking at you. And even if those emotions are more intense, you have a much bigger tolerance for them, as if your body would gladly accept any turmoil as long as you stayed in his company.

Just as you were about to leave the room, Rhysand invites you to join them for dinner. Everyone turns to you with expectant eyes before the words fully leave his mouth. They clearly planned it out together. This habit they have of speaking through each other's minds is one it might take a while getting used to.

You bite your lip, as you think of what to say. Cassian and Morrigan look particularly keen on the idea, it makes you feel a little relieved that the general isn't looking at you like a nightmare came true anymore, but you really don't think you can handle any more questions today, or to have them reminisce about your former relationships. You're not used to spending time with a lot of people in general, you'd go months without any sort of fae contact sometimes. You just want to go somewhere quiet, and you can only think of one person whose company would allow you to relax.

Making up your mind, you decline the invitation politely, trying to ignore the disappointment in their eyes as they bid you goodnight. This still feels like a huge improvement from where you stood with them just at the beginning of the meeting, that they'd want to keep you company when it felt like they were avoiding you this whole week. You might have gained some of their trust, and, to your immense shock, you trust them as well. It feels like a breath of fresh air after a century of not even trusting your shadow.

Maybe it's that feeling, or the immediate quiet that settles over you as soon as you walk into the empty hallway, maybe even the fact that you finally got some answers and even a plan, a chance at leaving the guild, something you never even dared to dream about, but it has you feeling a little indulgent. Your steps are noticeably lighter, and all the tension from before is now only a faint ache in your muscles.

“Azriel?” You look up at him with a smile, feeling it widen when he looks at you in answer. “Since I'm out of the room, can we go somewhere to watch the stars?”

The smile that takes over his face is blinding, it feels like it could rival the moon. It's fascinating how his beauty can still catch you off guard like this, even if you've been spending most of your time with him for an entire week.

“Of course,” he moves closer to you and takes your hand, pulling you into him, his eyes never straying from yours. It takes you longer than it should have to realize he was covering you both in shadows, too lost in his eyes to pay attention to your surroundings, how they've turned to black. He told you before that's how he winnows, though it can't be called that since he moves through shadows instead.

The light almost blinds you as his shadows disperse, giving way to a view you can't believe is real. The sky wasn't completely dark yet, stuck in the brief moments of twilight where you could still see the last rays of the sun illuminating the dark blue sky. And yet the stars were already twinkling in the sky, surrounding the full moon.

You can't help but gasp, forgetting about Azriel and moving to the edge of the roof, admiring the unforgettable view. Your eyes don't stray from it as you lean against the railing, long enough that the sun completely sets, and the streets become illuminated by faelights.

You had thought there was some sort of celebration when you first came here, but have since learned that every night is enjoyed to its fullest in the city of dreamers.

As some of your awe settles, you turn to look at Azriel as he too admires the city. His shadows had left him uncovered, choosing to scatter around what you now recognize as a training ground. You almost regret staring up at the sky for so long when you could have been reveling in his beauty this whole time.

His tan skin was glowing with the pale moonlight, eyes as bright as the stars when he looks down at you. You move closer to him almost unconsciously, as if you've been bewitched.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” you sound breathless even to your ears. “The view is a lot more beautiful from up here.” Your bedroom window could never do this justice. If you looked up, it almost felt like you were walking on air, among the stars.

He turns to you fully, ignoring the captivating sight in favor of watching you. His face relaxes further as he takes you in, the smile on his lips growing and the air around you changing. He raises his scarred palm up to cup your face, whispering softly, “It can't ever compare to you.”

“That's cheesy,” you stutter, clearly taken aback by the sudden flirtatious tone.

He grins down at you, a mischievous look in his eyes, rubbing his thumb over the increasingly warmer skin of your cheek. “You're blushing.”

Azriel has been open with his feelings for you all week, making it clear that they haven't changed over the years, even with your absence from his life, but he has never been this brazen. None of the interactions you've had can be considered anything else than platonic, and even with sweet compliments and bashful admissions, he has never looked at you like this, like he truly believed just one second of looking at you was worth more than this unbelievable view.

“You know,” you start hesitantly, “We haven't actually tried everything.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to catch up to your train of thought. You can feel when he does because he tenses against you, and would have let go of your face if you hadn't placed your hand around his wrist, keeping him there.

“I think I've read it in a story before,” you lick your lips, feeling like lava is pumping through your veins when his eyes follow the movement, “Sometimes a kiss can be stronger than any magic spell.”

He leans closer to you slowly, looking into your eyes to search for any sign of discomfort. You can't be entirely sure what he finds in them, you can't feel much else but desire in this moment, but it has him clearing the rest of the way, both of your eyes closing as his lips finally touch yours softly.

A sigh escapes him when you press into him harder, needing to find out what he tastes like, what he feels like. His other hand comes up to cup your other cheek, holding you against him. You can feel him losing his restraint bit by bit, hands moving from your face to hold your neck, your waist, grip getting tighter with every stroke of his tongue against yours, a century of longing and raw passion melting into the kiss. Your own arms find their way around his neck, pulling him down, finally feeling the softness of his hair around your fingers. His chest is pressed against yours, close enough that you can feel his heart beating.

When you finally pull away from each other, you're both breathless. He leans his forehead against yours, eyes closed. You wonder how many times he's dreamed of this moment, of being able to taste you again after so long.

“Any memories resurfacing?” His voice is rough, deeper than you've ever heard it. It almost makes you hold back a moan.

“No,” you lick your lips, reveling in his taste, “but we can give it another try.”

His lips find yours as soon as the last words leave your mouth, more than happy to deliver. You might chastise yourself for giving in to temptation tomorrow, but in this moment nothing else matters. Not the guild, not your lost memories, not your mistakes. Right now there's only him, you and the stars as your witnesses.

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[pen-observing]

beauty and curiosity

synopsis: As Dottore's research assistant, you had to keep your curiosity on par with what he expected. You never thought that what sparked it after so much time would be Capitano himself

word count: 3k pairing: capitano x gn! reader (slight dottore if you wish to imagine it so, I did)

The door that greets your open eyes is the same like always. Brown wood that someone else picked before you. You can't say that they had bad taste, the door is placed nicely to the right corner and you little friend from last night - the spider- greets you even with this dawn. You wonder if he stayed there the whole night while you were sleeping as a thank you to the mercy you extended him. You did not kill him, and he did not move to make a new web. maybe he saw that as an equal trade? You probably would have left him alive anyway. Someone told you long before that seeing a spider was like a hint that you will get lucky in the following few days. So, even as your feet touch the cold wooden floor, you decide to still have mercy and to open the door without killing him to get breakfast. 

Maybe they are lucky omens, maybe they are not. But it is not like killing him or carrying him out the window would change much for you. Your eyes would see the same door tomorrow. The floor would feel cold again and you would pick the same mug off the drying dishes in your kitchen to start the day with. 

These routines did not bother you themselves, no. What was bothersome was the fact that you realized how, eventually, everyone develops to have them as creatures of habit. It was inevitable to turn into someone who repeats the same things over and over again. Even the harbinger you serve - one with multiple bodies, had his own routines. His younger clones had far more rebellion towards them but even they still had a need to keep a specific space, to prioritize one thing over the other like second nature. 

Truth be told - you were not asked to pick who you would serve. Dottore ended up being the harbinger you would serve as an assistant. and you were not the only one picked for that role. He liked to keep plenty of staff. Part of it was that he needed an audience to showcase his own talents and immense intelligence to, while another part of him was a bit less selfish. Dottore was willing to teach those who had true curiosity and spirit according to his own criteria and for whatever reason, you managed to remain as one of the few assistants he kept close at hand. As close as he would allow that is and with a man like him that still meant millions of lightyears away. 

You do not mind that in the slightest. What kept you around despite your failures and 'shortcomings' of having a moral compass in his lab was that he deemed your curiosity the highest out of anyone he had met. He once told you that if you were not serving him, the abyss would have swallowed you whole because you would wonder about its properties the same way you wondered about colors when you were younger. 

"Why are apples red and why is the sky blue? from your childhood would just turn into questions about the inside shapes of the abyss and you would be swallowed by curiosity." Were his exact words. 

Dottore believed that true curiosity could not be fabricated even at his own hands so while you were the not best person for experiments at the start, you were the one who suited his own curious nature. 

'What good is a doctor who cures a disease without wondering about the cause? Without wondering about its transformations? What good is an engineer who cannot disassemble parts at the same speed he would assemble them at? And what good is a person who cannot see beyond the usual?" 

He said you could see beyond the usual but in all honesty, sometimes it feels like you can't see past this mug. Or this window looking out into the street next to your breakfast table. Sometimes you felt like you could not see beyond the speck of dust or the peel of a citrus fruit. 

Maybe that is why when he gave you a choice to leave, you decided to stay. While every Dottore clone had his own routines, they managed to keep a constant cycle of novelty. Working at his lab eventually brought more interesting things than you could have found yourself. 

Was beauty in the new? Or was it in the old? 

You were deeply unsure. 

Dottore was not above punishing you despite keeping you around. For a few days, Dottore did not hear you utter a singular question in his lab and he found it so offensive you would dare to become ignorant to his breakthroughs. It seemed like you were bored of him and his research and he decided that a proper punishment would be to have you spend a whole month in the city farthest away from the main fatui base and from the tsaritsa. 

if you were so bored of constant novelty - you might as well experience true boredom by residing in his abandoned lab in a peaceful town where everyone with something exciting to offer already moved away. The worst part? You did not feel like anything changed. 

Numbness even touches curiosity. So, what if your door is now on the right instead of the left? What if the mug is pink instead of white? What if you were there or here? Differences are miniscule and nothing could make your curiosity perk up. If you were still like this when he summoned you back - you would be sent home and that is all there was to it. Or, he would further punish you by extending your stay. He could laugh at you when you mixed the things in the wrong way or when you failed to fix a core and it would explode. But what he absolutely refused is to have your curiosity dim down. If it did, you would be useless. 

And it isn't like you have not tried to find something interesting. While you were on the trip to get to here, you tried to find something interesting. Perhaps some plants that would show something new or an animal that would make for a good study case. You did want to try and see how many generations it would take for animals to break a trauma response their parents exhibited alone but even that went out of the window after a few seconds. 

If you could not find anything worthwhile in this town - you would be doomed to feel this way forever. Black and white thinking but not without basis. Stubborn curiosity and stubborn numbness started to go hand in hand for you. Maybe if you closed your eyes and prayed, your spark of curiosity would find an object for it to love and latch onto? 

In the next moment, your spoon made a small noise. It moved from one side of your mug to the other. Nothing unusual, right? You just wanted to make the tea and honey come together but when you looked down you realized that your hands did not make it move. You already finished doing that around three minutes ago. To prove to yourself what it feels like, your hands moved to make the same motion and the fog over your brain lifted as you felt that danger was near. Somehow this spoon moved and it was not your doing. 

With all your senses, you tried to pinpoint what exactly had happened but you were unsuccessful. Even if something was here, it masked its presence so well that a ghost would be ashamed. You did not feel a void, but you did not feel any warmth either. Unnerving. Unusual.   Interest could be found in fear but you were unsure where to search. 

Luckily for you, the presence had decided to make itself know. With a slight thud, footsteps approached you without your door ever opening. Was this mercy extended towards you in the same way you treated your spider? It sure felt that way. 

"My sincere apologies for startling you." Now you had to look up from the mug to search for the stranger. But, with his deep voice and polite manner of speaking, you knew who it belonged to already. Capitano, the first of the eleven fatui harbingers. Your own Lord always said he did not care much for rankings but a certain sour taste would be in his words whenever he spoke of this man. You had not made contact with him previously but in a way, you felt that it was cruel fate that only one number separated you from the most noble and righteous harbinger and a heretic. 

"Based on my previous visits to this abandoned small lab, I never encountered another soul here. When I felt your presence, I had to judge if you were sent here or if you were trying to steal information that belongs to our organisation." 

You stood up and saluted him. It comes like second nature. "Lord harbinger, you were doing your duty. No need for apologies." 

"Nonsense. I felt that I had startled you and should have thought of Dottore sending his own forces to abandoned labs before I made such a move." 

Talking to other lords never came quite easy to you. Dottore enjoyed much of questioning and random rambles but other Lords were known to punish just for being asked a question by wretched vermin. But suddenly, you felt that Capitano filled the room with a presence. It seemed like he could choose to be a void or actually have spiritual warmth. How many years had he taken to perfect this? 

In fact, how many years has he been alive? Did your lord simply hate him because he was branded with number two? Why did he always wear a mask? 

You had heard so many rumours in bars and gatherings of other servants and soldiers but Capitano's own men never gossiped. Not even when they were at their most drunk. That is - they never spoke of their own lord with anything other than praise. 

Where did that admiration come from? Had anyone seen him without a mask or cry perhaps? 

"Your silence makes for a rather awkward companion. But I can tell you have questions." 

"I have been called curious before, but it has been a while since I was curious about anything deeply." 

Capitano moved a few steps to open a drawer with syringes in it. 

"Are you not a researcher and is this not a lab of your famed lord?" 

"Yes is my answer to both of those questions." 

His gloved hands picked up two syringes and he did not look at you while he was doing so. You were not part of Dottore's team when he made them and their unique mix of colors piqued your interest. One of those colors looked like synth vaguely but the other one was similar to lava. Just how many experiments of Dottore's were you unaware of? 

"And should this not be a prime place for you when the answer is yes to both. What have you been doing all this time?" 

"Looking around this lab without actually touching anything for longer than a few seconds. I also kicked out a lot of spiders but last night I let one stay." 

Capitano did not seem perplexed with your paradoxical answers. He could see your eyes eying his syringes with interest when you refused to take them apart and analyse the contents for however long you have been here. He felt no malice or dishonesty in your being, so he simply continued to move like you were not here. He had done this countless times before. 

"I will not tell you what is inside of these syringes if that is one of your questions." 

He sat down on a chair on the other side of your mug. 

"I did have questions about the contents but I would have asked the syringes themselves not you. Even if it seems that I might melt or change shape from simply being exposed to them in any capacity. 

"Hmm. You make a valid point. What keeps me a monster would make you disappear. I suggest you stay away from these unless you wish to meet a cruel fate." 

"Lord first, you give me a kind warning but you speak of being a monster." 

"And what is your observation meant to accomplish?" 

"Nothing. Well, I could say it will help me keep my form too." 

"You are an ordinary human." It didn't feel like an insult. It felt like he was praising such simpleness. 

"What form do you speak of?" 

This time he was looking at you. You could not see his eyes from his helmet but you could feel his gaze on you. Without flinching or moaning, all while keeping his eyes solely on you - Capitano stabbed his thigh and his heart with the two syringes he had prepared. 

It seemed like he felt nothing but you felt both warmth and cold at once and in a second the overwhelming feeling was gone. It was so overwhelming that your curiosity made you run over and place your hands over his own to feel any remnants of energy. Touching any other harbinger so casually would have meant a number of different fates but Capitano was a kind man. 

"If you are here to inspect me, there is no need. I know what I am doing and these will not kill me." 

You helped him remove them even if he truly seemed like he did not need help. You could run towards the drawer he pulled them out from but the object of your interest were not the syringes themselves. 

Your curiosity was this man himself. For the first time in a while, your brain started to race with questions and theories. Just who was he and what was he hiding. 

"What is the reason you are so familiar with using these? Why are you here? Are you a monster?" 

"Indeed. I belong to them." 

"Beings? You speak of yourself as if you are not human. Just what is behind that mask of yours?" 

Perhaps Dottore was right, the abyss would swallow you whole if it interested you. Maybe it still can? If you get out of this situation alive - if you survive removing the mask of the famed and powerful harbinger - you could go out to uncover new condensed abyssal energy. 

You finally got your curiosity back and allowing it to run out would be a crime against yourself. Curiosity filled your whole body and Capitano felt cold to your touch as you looked at his face. 

"You call yourself a monster because of this?" 

"Are you perhaps about to call it beauty like that twisted doctor you serve?" 

Maybe he expected a bigger reaction than this. Maybe you failed him, but you did not fail yourself. 

"Beauty? There is nothing beautiful about it." 

"At least you don't call rot beautiful like your own master." 

"Your ice is above my head so I suppose your reputation proceeds you. You are kind enough to let me get my words out." 

"Speak." 

"There is nothing beautiful about the rot of skin. However, you are not a monster. You are undoubtedly human." 

"Laughable." 

But he did not laugh. He found you foolish. You dared to overstep twice. Removing his helmet was one thing but trying to comfort him was another. 

"You are human, lord harbinger. Did you know that my own lord does not rot? Did you know he has made others unable to rot? In an odd way, this rot makes you more human than you believe." 

You can't tell if your words caused a change or if they were comforting or insulting. This man has lived more lives than you ever will and he had seen and spilled more blood than you can imagine. He does not need comfort from you. That much is clear. 

Still, as the ice descends, he makes it disappear with his hand and you emerge unharmed. 

"Your curiosity saved you." 

"I always thought it would eat me alive." 

"It almost did. I never heard of anyone gaining a vision and immediately aiming at themselves." 

A cryo vision had manifested in your lap without you even noticing. When you looked back up, Capitano had already pulled down his mask. 

"Why didn't you stop me? You could have made me regret my choice the instant I tried to touch you."  

"I had never seen anyone gain a vision in such a way. I suppose my own curiosity got the better of me."  

He got up from the chair and you noticed just how much taller and imposing he was from such close proximity. You really were in the presence of danger and still chose risk instead of safety. Capitano was already moving towards the door and something compelled you to sit back down and finally drink the tea that had grown cold.  

He was in the doorway now. You were thinking of what would happen to you now that you had a vision. Maybe you could try to boil it? You heard they were indestructible but surely something could dissolve it? Visions were not a completely natural thing in this world.  

"Come. Bring that vision and follow me." 

"I still do not have orders to leave this place." 

"Since when were you allowed to refuse any orders from a harbinger? Dottore is not the only one you ought to listen to and I doubt he would be suitable to teach you how to use your new power." 

You would be risking Dottore's wrath and plenty of unpredictable outcomes based on which clone greets you once you are back. But, losing the object of your curiosity would doom you to a worse fate in your own eyes.  

Following Capitano would unlock a new world for you. Something told you that you would be able to find new beauty and curiosity if you took him up on his offer. 

a/n: guess who is back !! after a year!! I hope my mutuals are around still to actually guess that it is me who is back. i realized the last time i wrote was in november and the new archon quest finally inspired me.

to give you a few updates: i changed two jobs and I became less creative I am afraid. I got into a situationship/delusionship with a narc for a few months but i did not cry. i am welcoming any thoughts because after so long this was vv hard to write.

i hope you are well and that you have enjoyed this at least a little bit

[luciferlightbringer]

Love in a Hopeless Place

Chapter 11

Chapter 10|Chapter 11|Chapter 12|Updated through Chapter 12

Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.8k CW: Slowburn, Angst, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, depression, anxiety, insecurity, sexual tension, kissing, light teasing smut

Lucifer laid up in his bed the room up in the apple shaped penthouse that was made just for him at the upper left side of the hotel. He had made this room thinking he was be here more often, and then he stopped coming. The last few weeks may had been more tolerable if he had been here... Oh well, too late for that. Now he laid there thinking of the things the hotel people had said about you and him. Could there really be a way of fixing this?

Lucifer sighed, he was really trying not to get his hopes up. He wanted to be able to get a chance to fix things with you, pick things back up with you, if you would let him, he was willing to do practically anything to make things right with you. He'd fight 100 Adams and Alastors at the same time just for the chance to hold you again. But all he could do was lay there, in his bed, wondering if Charlie and Angel were talking to you. Would you be mad? Would you give him a chance to talk to you again? Would the report back from this exchange be the last he ever hears about you?

After what felt like hours, he heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Lucifer called out.

"Dad, it's me! Can I come in?" Charlie called from the other side of the door, Angel next to her and you a few steps back.

Your heart was racing, and hearing his voice on the other side of the door made it so much worse.

"Ya!" Lucifer yelled back, still staring at the ceiling. Charlie entered his room followed by Angel, you stayed outside of the door just out of view. "How did it go? Is she ok? Was she mad?" Lucifer asked Charlie and Angel, the pain laced in his voice was apparent. It broke your heart to hear it, but it made you feel less anxious to hear him prioritize concern for you. Care... as always.

"It went well, Dad, so well in fact... that we have someone here to see you," Charlie said, turning to the doorway.

Lucifer froze as he heard another pair of footsteps enter the room. He slowly sat up to meet your gaze, those beautiful (e/c) eyes, so full of their same gentleness and care, but also indescribable pain.

"(y/n)", he whispered, as if we was afraid that saying you name too loud might make you disappear.

You smiled, "Hi Lucifer," you said softly in return, his name sounded like music dripping from your lips. No malice, no anger, something... soft and beautiful, like you had been holding your breath for years and in saying his name you finally felt like you could exhale.

All you could do was stare at each other and take each other in. Charlie and Angel smiled at each other, then looked at you both as they started to back up.

"We'll just... give you too some space to talk," Charlie said, and then closed the door behind her and Angel. They pumped their fists with a quiet "Yes!" before running downstairs to tell the rest of the hotel crew what was going on.

You and Lucifer were now alone.

The air was tease and silent, neither of you knowing who should speak or make the first move.

At the moment you started to open your mouth, Lucifer moved to slip off the bed and onto his knees on the floor, hands on the ground in front of him and forehead pressed against his hands... bowing to you?!

"(y/n), darling... I... I'm sorry, I'm so... so sorry... Please... please believe when I say I don't remember what happened that night. I was drunk, I was nervous... I- I can't forgive myself for whatever I could hav-", Lucifer rambled as he started to shake as he kept his deep bow on the floor.

"Lucifer..." you say softly cutting him off, he jumped up a little, your voice suddenly being much closer than her expected. He looked up to see you on your knees in from of him, tears also starting to well in your eyes.

"You didn't hurt me that night," you said, tears starting to fall.

"I- I didn't?" he said through tears.

"No!" you cried, "I thought I had mad you mad and that's why you didn't call for me."

Lucifer's eyes went wide, "What?! No, of course not! I was so scared, I couldn't remember what happened that night and then I got a call from the Lounge that you were calling our appointments and I was banned from seeing you!"

"No! No, Lucifer I never banned you. You never hurt me, I- got scared, I was worried, you weren't acting like yourself, you were so drunk... you told me something... and I... I- I didn't know what to do... so I just ran! I ran and I disappeared for a little to figure things out. I came back and I waited, I waited and their was nothing! I thought you hated me and were done with me!"

"No! Never, never! Hells, Duckie, I've been a mess without you! I need you!" Lucifer cried. You and Lucifer were both a mess of hysterical tears at this point, and you collapsed into an embrace as you cried, reassuring each other through heavy sobs that you were not mad or upset at the other. It was a deep cry that you had both deeply needed in the arms of the other.

After several minutes, both of you started to calm down, tears still falling but now they were able to talk without heaving as hard through their sobs.

"So... what happened, exactly? Tell me your side of it all, please..." Lucifer finally choked out. You took a few more deep breaths before starting.

"You... you showed up at my apartment... you were drunk, stumbling, had a hard time teleporting. You were sweet but very touchy, you got more drunk and touchy as the night went on. I thought you were having a really bad day, then I thought you were nervous about may wanting to try being intimate again. But then... you told me something... something I didn't know how to respond to... I was scared about responding to it the wrong way, especially because you are the King and I am just a prostitute... I didn't know if you actually cared about me, even though it always felt like you really did, and the power dynamic was just so... confusing... so I pushed you away. I ran, I disappeared on a trip for a few days to think about things, to give us space in case... well, in case I had upset you... You were supposed to be told I was just on vacation for a few days... but it sounds like you were told something else... something to split us apart," you explained, looking down at Lucifer who was snuggled back into his old position in your lap. Lucifer nodded as he listened to your explanation. "I came back, and I waited for you to schedule... and you never did. I had no way to check in with you... and I didn't want to overstep in your life by expecting a real connection if I had just misread things, or going to the hotel to ask Charlie, especially because I wasn't supposed to tell anyone... I was just so confused."

Lucifer tightened his fists in his lap, what is it that he had told you that made you so scared? That would make you run but that had also apparently not hurt you. "I'm sorry I made you keep this a secret for so long, I didn't realize how much it was hurting you... both of us... I guess I just let my pride really get in the way, and that was stupid," Lucifer paused, "Whatever I told you that night... was it bad?" Lucifer asked looking up at you.

You took a deep breath, "It's ok, I understood why you wanted it to stay quiet, I never held that against you. And...no, not bad, but it did scare me. I didn't know what to think of it."

"Can... can you tell me what I said?" Lucifer asked with big worried eyes.

You thought for a moment, this was the part you were most scared of at this point. This is where everything could fall apart again. "Can you tell me your side of things first, before I do?"

Lucifer swallowed hard, not liking how you were dodging the question, but he nodded.

"Ok," Lucifer started, "I... was really nervous that day, for a while... I'd been wondering how much of your care was real versus an act. It hadn't felt like it had been fake for... well I mean it really had never felt fake. I remember... I wanted to ask you or tell you something related to that. I had talked to a friends about that earlier in the day..."

"Asmodeus?" you asked.

"Yes! Did I say something about him? About that conversation?" Lucifer asked.

"You said he started dating someone, but not to tell anyone. I never have," you replied.

'Wow, why was that the point I had brought up? I really was out of it,' he thought.

"Well, anyways, he encouraged me to talk to you, but I had a drink to calm myself down because I was so nervous, but one became two, became four became... way too many..." Lucifer continued sheepishly, "And then I couldn't remember the rest of the night, I woke up the next morning with a crazy hangover, trying to jog my memory, and then I got the call from the Lounge. They did tell me that you were on vacation... but then added that "the truth" was that you had put me on your ban list, that you had come back saying you "couldn't take this shit anymore" and that you were a good actor, that you were a heartbreaker, that you would "even break the King's heart if you had the chance".

You gasped and more tears welled up in your eyes, "Lucifer, it's not true! You have to believe me," you hugged Lucifer tightly in your lap, "That's not who I am, yes I can act, but I swear I haven't ever once lied to you!"

Lucifer held your face, "I know."

You stared down at him as tears rolled down your cheeks, "You do?"

He nodded, "I didn't in the moment, when the call happened, but the others did. Husk and Angel. The whole damn hotel sat me down to have an intervention to set me straight. I was still hesitant, but between your reaction now and them... I believe you. You do care about me, you always have."

"Yes, of course I care about you!" you say holding his face with one hand. Lucifer smiled and nuzzled his face into your hand.

"Lucifer, the person you talked to on the phone. Do you remember anything distinct about them? Their voice or the way they talked," you asked earnestly.

Lucifer thought, "I remember it was a feminine voice, very hissy ssssss sounds the entire time they talked."

You saw red, that was all the proof you needed.

"Cynthhhhia," you snarled. Lucifer's eyes widened, he had never seen you mad before.

"Who is Cynthia?" Lucifer asked, an edge in his voice.

"She is the biggest bitch at the Lounge, the girl I always talked about cutting down to size? That's her. She was on phone's that day as a punishment for hurting me the night I ran back to the Lounge," you seethed, "Larry must have stepped away and she must have a had enough time to slip you that lie..."

Lucifer sat up more in your lap, eyes turning red, "You think this Cynthhhhia bitch lied to get us apart? Why?"

"Yes... she always hated that I was getting paired with more "high rollers" as we would call them, well-off powerful people, she hated that I was more popular with customers than her... she must have taken the opportunity to sever our relationship to make me suffer..." you stopped as Lucifer got up from your lap stepping a few feet away from you breathing heavily with his hands balled into tight fists, "Lucifer?"

You watched as the air seemed to shake around him, his wings snapped out from his back and started to flap, his eyes burned with blind rage as this horns and tail erupted from his body, a flame appearing above his head, his claws growing large and sharp. Flame escaped from his mouth as with a demonic voice Lucifer bellowed, "HOW DARE THAT BITCH SEVER YOU FROM ME?! HER LIVE IS FOREFIT. I WILL GRIND HER BODY TO DUST. I WILL BEAT THE AFTERLIFE OUT OF HER. I WILL RIP HER APART WITH MY BARE HANDS AND FEED HER TO THE CANNIBALS. I FASHION HER FLESH INTO BOOTS. I WILL..."

You ran up and wrapped your arms around Lucifer's waist, the air stopped rumbling, his body started to relax, his flames dissipated, and he looked down at you with a softened eyes, still glowing.

"Lucifer please, I'm mad too... but please stay with me. She's not worth the energy! You can turn her into snake jerky boots tomorrow!" You say, clinging to him tightly, "I need you here now..."

Lucifer blinked back to his regular red eyes before letting himself drop back to the ground, wrapping his arms back around you, "I'm sorry, Duckie... I'm just so mad that one lie over a phone call caused so much pain for you and I..." he pulled away a little and cupped your face with one hand, "I just want to make her pay for what she has done to us."

"I do too," you say carding your fingers through his hair, "I'm sure the others would too, I'm looking at you readers, but... how about we ruin her day tomorrow. Ok? Let's not let her ruin this, she's not worth it."

Lucifer hummed into your touch and closed his eyes, allowing himself to revert back to his normal soft appearance, "Ok... on one condition," he said opening his eyes again to look into yours.

"What would that be?" you ask nervously.

"Tell me what it was that I told you. Please?" he asked with bright eyes.

You looked away briefly and then met his gaze again, you felt your face grow hot, "You sure? You're not going to get mad?"

Lucifer gave you a confused smile, "Why would I be mad at you for telling me something I said to you? Just... tell me." Lucifer still held you in a close embrace, looking into your eyes.

You breath deeply, and look down at Lucifer, "You... you told me that you loved me."

Both of your faces turned bright red as you starred at each other in tense silence.

'Are you shitting me? I told her I loved her while I was shit face plastered?! Fuck, ya... ok her reaction makes sense now' Lucifer thought.

"Oh... golly... haha... I can see why that might make you uncomfortable" Lucifer said looking away from you with a nervous laugh.

You look at Lucifer, noticing deep blush running across his pale cheeks, and smiled. You steeled yourself for the next question.

"Did you mean it?" you asked.

Lucifer looked up into your eyes, studying your face. This was the moment he had wanted so many weeks ago, this was how it was supposed to feel. Vulnerable, terrifying, but the only place he ever wanted to be. This was the moment that would change everything, but now, he knew she cared, this would not be the end of everything.

"Yes, (y/n), I love you. I've loved you for months."

You heart swelled with joy to hear him say it this time, and with him being sober and so nervous, all of your worries from the past didn't matter now. You couldn't keep your eyes from welling with tears of joy. You moved your hands up to Lucifer's face to hold his soft cheeks.

Lucifer sat in swirl of emotions as he watched you react to his statement, 'Does she... feel the same?'

"Well..." Lucifer got out, before freezing up, trying to figure out what to say.

You laughed, "I... I love you too, Lucifer."

Lucifer's eyes go wide, taking a moment to process your words, before he moves without thinking, pulling you in closer and pressing his lips against yours.

The kiss sent waves of electricity through both of your bodies. You had kissed a lot of people for work, but nothing had ever felt like this before. You felt gripped by a want to fuck Lucifer in a way you had never wanted to fuck someone before, you ached for him, you ached for only him. In that moment you were ruined for watching to touch another soul ever again. Your tongues explore each other's mouths, passionate and desperate, as if you both relied on the other to breath.

After a few minutes, you both break the kiss, pressing your foreheads together, breathing heavily.

"Fuck..." Lucifer heaved, "That was amazing... You are amazing."

You laugh, tracing a finger down Lucifer's chest, "Just wait til, I get me hands on the rest of you... If you want that... of course."

Lucifer's eye glazed over with pure lust as he looked you over, "Oh, Duckie... I have wanted nothing more than to rip your clothes off and take you to Heaven since the day I met you... but I don't want to be selfish and I feel like I would want to be. I want you to be mine, all mine, only mine," he purred into the skin of your neck. You tip your head back and let your eyes roll back with the pleasure of the sensory.

"Then you can, have me," you say. Lucifer gives you a look.

"I'm all yours, I'll quit the Lounge, move into the hotel like I wanted, and I will be only yours, if you'll have me," your eyes looked with Lucifer's.

He smiled, putting his forehead against yours, "I accept, you will be mine and I will be yours. Tomorrow, we will go down to Lounge, give them your 2 minute notice, and then... we make that little bitch Cynthhhhia rue the day she ever messed with us." Lucifer planted another long passionate kiss on your lips.

"But for now... I get the feeling that we may have some people downstairs that want to see the results of our conversation. What do you say?" Lucifer said, offering you his arm. You smile and take his arm, going out the door and making your way downstairs to the hoops and hollers of your hotel friends, especially when Lucifer kissed you again in front of all of them.

You spent the rest of the night partying and talking with the hotel crew until you grew tired. Then, Lucifer picked you up and took you up to his room in the hotel, where you and Lucifer fell asleep in either others arms again, the way you would every night from then on.

______________________________________________________________

The next morning, you wake up, tightly snuggled against Lucifer's chest, and you look up to see him unabashedly looking down with love filled eyed at you and running his fingers through your hair. He smiled warmly as your eyes met his.

"Good morning~" he cooed as he dipped his head down to kiss your lips. Your bodies moved closer to each other as you kissed, starting to get drunk off of the taste of the other. Your face and chest grew hot and red, until eventually Lucifer broke the kiss you hold your face, staring into each other's dilated eyes. Lucifer was pleased by the love drunk look on your face.

"You know, if I didn't know any better, I would take you as a pent up, untouched virgin instead of a seasoned sex worker with the way you're reacting to a simple kiss," Lucifer says smugly, taking in the deep red tone of your cheeks and the glazed look of your eyes.

"Well... I mean... I may have had plenty of physical intimacy... but it's always been for money, survival... this, however~" you says as you pull him in for another deep, desperate kiss, hand running down the side of his body before stopping on his thigh, releasing him from the kiss while keeping your lips as close to his as possible without touching. "This is something completely different entirely... unbridled desire like I've never felt in life or death... and I'm famished," you whisper.

Lucifer swallowed hard, blinking hard as his own face burned red and he felt himself get more dizzy and love drunk on your words. "Fuck... oh, Duckie... I want to do... so... many... sinful things to you. I have for months... but I do think we should prioritize taking care of your status at the Lounge... and that bitch... Because I don't know about you, but..." Lucifer rolls on top of you, pinning you to the bed, lowering his head to be next to your ear, "when I finally get to fuck you... I want you to be mine. Only... mine... Don't you agree, my Apple?" he planned a soft kiss on your neck.

You're breathing was ragged, your heart pounded in your chest, you had never been so turned on in your life. You couldn't even speak, all you could do was nod.

Lucifer looked down at you, committing the image of your body beneath him to memory before sighing, chuckling a little, giving you a kiss on both checks and then on the lips before getting off of your and getting up to start getting dressed.

You had to take a minute to let yourself breath for a minute before getting up. Lucifer smuggly looked at you over his shoulder as he buttoned up his vest, "You doing ok over their~?" he cooed.

"Shut up," you say playfully. 'Fuckkkkkk', you thought, how was this the same man that wanted to be dominated so desperately the first night you met? Should have known he was a bratty switch. He was really proving his status as the Sin of Pride with that smug ass attitude this morning, and goooooodddd was it hot.

Eventually you did get out of bed and got dressed for the day, Lucifer giving you a longing look as you did. Before long, it was time for you and Lucifer to head to the Lounge, together. Others from the hotel had learned about the reason for the miscommunication and lack of contact with you during the celebration the night before and many people wanted to come with to watch the confrontation unfold. So soon, you, Lucifer, Charlie, Angel, Cherri, Niffty, and even Alastor, much to Lucifer's dismay, were ready to make your way out to the Entertainment District. Husk and Vaggie also wanted to go, but someone needed to stay behind and man the hotel, so they just asked for a play by play of the events when everyone returned.

"Ready everyone?" Lucifer called out before tapping his cane on the ground, opening a portal right in front of the Lounge. Lucifer offered you his arm, which you took before stepping out of the portal onto the street in front of your place of work, followed by all of your friends. Immediately upon stepping out onto the street, onlookers started to look, whispers, point, and take pictures as they saw the King with you on his arm, followed by the Princess, a famous Porn Star, and the Radio Demon, with Niffty and Cherri tagging along.

Lucifer opened the door to the Lounge and walked in, striding up to the front counter with you on his arm. Larry turned around to greet the new customers just to find himself facing the King of Hell and company.

"Y-your highness, with (y/n), and the Princess, Angel, t-the Radio Demon, and... uhhh," Larry stopped looking down at Niffty.

"Hi! I'm Niffty!" Niffty gave a sharp smile while waving a knife in her hand. "And I'm Cherri Bomb," she added.

Larry blinked looking at Niffty before looking back up at Lucifer, "Right... uhh... Your Majesty," he bowed, realizing the should have done that the first time. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? And with one of my girls," he said shooting you a quick 'What the hell is happening here?!' look.

"Haha, well! You must be Larry! Let me introduce myself to you my fine man. Hi," Lucifer says extending his hand to Larry, "I'm Lance", Lucifer said, darkening his eyes.

"Oh!" Larry said shaking his hand before the realization kicked in, "Oh..." he looked at you, then Lucifer, back to you, then back at Lucifer, "OOohhhhhhh...." Larry let go of Lucifer's hand, his body starting to shake a little.

Lucifer smirked and wrapped an arm around you, "We were wanting to talk to you able a... troubling customer service issue that miss (y/n) and I experienced a few weeks ago that interrupted my services with her... if you have the time that is..." Lucifer said with as smile in his face that did not reach his rage filled eyes.

Larry panicked, "Uh.. uhh yes! Of course! Uhhh... would you like to come back to my office or..."

"Oh, no, my good sir, out here is just fine," continuing his sharp smile, looking out at the sea of girls and customers watching the interaction with growing interest.

"O-Ok, ya sure," Larry clears his throat, "So, uhh... what seems to be the issue?"

"Well... you see... your associate here and I had not scheduled any appointments for the last few weeks due to a... concerning miscommunication issue. You see, while this one was out on her much deserved vacation, I was called and told that she was out for a few days... but then they corrected themself and told me I was banned from scheduling with her again... but that I was free to utilize the services of other girls," Lucifer said distain slowly slipping into his voice, his smile starting to strain.

Larry's expression changed from fear to frustration, "Oh... that is troubling, I can confirm that (y/n) did not express any desire to ban you, sir. I apologize... I had no idea that happened... You... wouldn't happen to know who it was that you talked to that day, would you?"

"I didn't catch a name, but it was someone with a feminine voice and elongated "S"s.... kinda... serpentine sounding. You... wouldn't happen to know of anyone on your staff that would fit that description... would you?" Lucifer said, his smile now fully flat with half opened, unenthused eyes.

Larry balled his hands into fits, "As a matter of fact, your highness... I do... I'll... be... right back..." Larry made his way to the back to find the girl that matched the description, the sea of people parting as he lumbered through.

Lucifer looked up at you and winked, "Showtime" he mouthed to you. You smiled back at him as you started to hear the familiar screams of Cynthhhhia as Larry dragged her up to the front lobby, tossing her on the floor in front of Lucifer and you.

"AAHHHHH!!! Larry what the fuck! I wasssss in the the middle of a sssssession! What's the big ide-" Cynthhhhia finally looked up to Lucifer and you standing in front of her, glaring down at her, with his arm around your waist at his side. "Ohhhhh! Y-your highness, itssssss and honor, w-wha-what is thisssss all about?" She tried to smile at him, here eyes darting to you and to the others watching around the room.

"Apparently, a few weeks ago, you had a little of a communication issue with Mr. Morningstar here, or should I say... Mr. Lance... Care to explain, Cynthhhhia?" Larry hissed through clenched teeth.

"Lance, wha-" Cynthhhhia finally remembered, she now looked at you, then Lucifer, back to you, then him. Then she looked back at Larry, then around the room, to Charlie and Angel, then back to Lucifer. In that moment, she didn't not understand how this happened, but she knew she was absolutely fucked.

"Well... I feel like you already know... but I'll just ssssay it. I lied, I lied to Lanc-Lucifer... about (y/n)'sssss vacation, I had no one around ssssso I told him he had been banned, he didn't ask any questionsssss and didn't try sssssscheduling another appointment... Ssssso I reported that I had called and that he would call back to ressssschedule... I thought I was in the clear..." Cynthhhhia said looking at the ground, then looked up again, "I guess there were sssssome factorsssss that I didn't not account for.."

"Ya! Like us!" Angel added.

"Like her developing friendships and bonds during her time with my dad that cared to ask why she was not around anymore, and we figured out that these two had two very different understandings of why they were not able to see the other," Charlie said with a triumphant smile, gesturing to her dad and you.

"Cynthhhhia, why would you do this?" Larry asked coldly.

Cynthhhhia hissed, "For the same reason as alwaysssss, I hated her sssssuccesssss! I saw a chanccccce and I took it. The real question issss, why did you all care sssssso much. She's is just a ssssstupid, ssssselfish, fake, whore!"

In an instant, Lucifer's demon form emerged, horns, wings, red eyes, tail and all, and he flicked his sharp tail to her neck, lifting her head to meet his gaze, "Because my dear, ssssssweet, idiot," he spat, "She is actually none of those things. She is the kindest, sweetest, warmest, most loving, and selfless woman I have ever met, and because of that... I fell in love with her."

The room gasped, including Cynthhhhia and Larry. "You're little stunt simply caused us to be apart before we could talk it out. Thanks to my daughter, we figured it out, we figured you out. So now... my question for both of you is... how do we rectify this.. little problem? This certainly caused myself and my love much grief over the last few weeks, and it sounds like this putrid snake was causing my dear problems long before that at this establishment... and I simply cannot let that stand," Lucifer said, starring daggers into Cynthhhhia's soul.

"Well uhhh... as far as I can control... Cynthhhhia is fired from my establishment and will be backlisted from every brothel and porn studio in the Pride Circle effect of immediately, she will be kicked out of housing with us, and I will turn a blind idea to anything that becomes of her outside of this establishment... Does that seem fair?" Larry asked. Cynthhhhia seethed on the ground.

Lucifer smiled, "A good start but not enough, there is more I will require, and I have a list of demands."

Larry shifted uncomfortably, "Of course your highness, what would those be?"

Lucifer looked at you and smiled, "I request the release of (y/n) from her work contract here, as well as her housing contract," Lucifer looked back at Larry, "She will not be needing to be here anymore now that she is with me."

Larry made a displeased face, and looked at you "Is this what you want Babydoll?"

You nodded, "It has nothing to do with you, Larry, you have been good to me..." you look to Lucifer and the others, "I just finally found where I belong... and I need to see where this goes."

Larry nodded, "Consider it done. I'll miss you, kid."

Lucifer nodded, "Well..." he clapped his hands, " I guess we are done here then! Duckie, I will have your stuff taken out of your old room and moved to the hotel. As for you," Lucifer said looking down at Cynthhhhia, who was on the floor trying to crawl away, but froze in place when addressed, "We are not quiet through with you." Lucifer wrapped his tail around her waist and pulled her along as he walk out the door, followed by the other hotel crew and some interested patrons and girls.

Cynthhhhia screamed as she was dragged and tossed out onto the street in front of Lucifer and the others.

Lucifer looked to you with a slight bow, gesturing towards Cynthhhhia, "My darling, would you like to do the honors?" he purred.

You shrugged, "I don't really wanna touch her, but I'll start her off," you say stretching your arms as you walked towards her.

Cynthhhhia cowered and pleaded with you, you wound up your arm and slugged Cynthhhhia in the face, sending her flying back several feet. You were met with a crowd of cheers and yelps, Lucifer nodded approvingly at your punch. Lucifer next rolled up his sleeves and pummeled her into the ground a few dozen times before getting up staying he had enough. Cynthhhhia was still conscious, but barely.

Lucifer then offered the chance up to the rest of the crew. Niffty ran up and gave her a few quick stabs, then to your surprise, Alastor stepped forward with a sinister grin on his face. You and Lucifer gave each other a confused look, then looked back at him.

"Now Cynthhhhia, darling, as much as I enjoyed seeing how much torment your little stunt caused, I do say I that I am not very fond of how it impacted the overall morale of the hotel, and I simply cannot have that," Alastor said as his horns and body started to grow larger and more sinister, his face turning more into the radio face you had seen it become before in battle. "I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm going to need to make an example out of you, to show everyone what happened when you mess with the Hazbin Hotel and it's residents. And besides! ...my radio broadcast has been in need of some new screams!" Alastor laughed maniacally before engulfing Cynthhhhia in his mystical black tentacles and carried her off to be ripped apart and have her screams added to his collect on his broadcast.

You and the other's starred off after Alastor in horror as he took of with Cynthhhhia. "Wow..." you said, "That uhhh... that was not the ending to her I expected. But I'll take it!" You smiled looking at Lucifer who smiled and rolled his eyes. He then grabbed your waist, pulling you into a dip and kissed you deeply for all of Hell to see.

"Come on," he said breaking from the kiss, "Lets get you home."

Home.

You liked the sound of that.

______________________________________________________________

One last chapter I think! And IT.WILL.HAVE.SMUT. xoxo, dany As usual, leave a comment if you want added to the taglist so that you can get notifications when future chapters drop! xoxo, dany (OMG there are so many of you!😍 Please let me know if the tag isn't working for you) Taglist :(red names are not tagging for some reason 😢) @froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @lilzebeth @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @aquaamethyst96 @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim @rebecca-hvnstn @roboticsuccubus83 @nekemewlita @femboyfatalle @thelethex @cryptidghostgirl @snowlotr @bangchansdirty-slut @glowymxxn @mcueveryday @hotvillianapologist @oneiric-rotaerc @wolfdaddyalphasworld @sleepypottersworld @wisterialagoon @theredviolets @theperfectmangovoid @lemonmoonmochi @sapphireravensworld @ezi0724 @undertalephanjackandmark-blog

[indecisive-capricorn]

Headcanons to Yandere Portgas D Ace x Reader:

WARNINGS: Yandere, kidnapping, mentions of starvation (not from Ace), lovesick, insecurity, manipulation, jealousy and etc.

SUMMARY: Although Portgas D Ace could hardly find any treasure in the land of Wano, he had found something far more priceless than any jewel in the world.

MASTERLIST & REQUESTS: Before you go, have a glass of wine or better yet, recommend a good bottle. any kind of message is always a delight.

When Ace landed in Wano, you were one of the few who met him with curiosity rather than fear. While most villagers were wary, you went up to Ace and his crew and offered to cook for them- a gesture that genuinely surprised him.

Wano had been suffering from severe food shortages, but despite this, you and the villagers didn’t hesitate to share what little you had. Ace noticed how you always prioritized the elders and kids, even after he snuck in extra food. Your constant positivity and willingness to help others, even in tough times, left a lasting impression on him.

As Ace kept returning, bringing in supplies and lending a hand with clothes and hats, he started seeing more of who you were. Your curiosity about the outside world and your selfless outlook fascinated him.

But every time he saw the officials in the Flower Capital treat you with disdain—just because you were from a poorer village—it set him off. You were doing nothing but trying to help, and yet they barely acknowledged you, often dismissing you outright. It made no sense to him why someone as kind as you faced so much disrespect.

When Ace was ready to leave, he asked if you’d come along with him. As he expected, you turned him down, laughing off the idea and saying you couldn’t just abandon your people. But he wasn’t about to give up that easily. He decided he’d go about it one of two ways, depending on his mood.

If he was calm and in the mood to reason, he’d explain how leaving would give you a chance to learn, grow stronger, and one day bring those skills back to help free Wano from Kaido’s rule. Ace never wanted you to feel less than anyone, especially not weaker than him or anyone else. But he knew you were well aware of how difficult it would be to stand up to someone like Kaido and his forces.

But if his patience was thin, he might not bother with words. Instead, he’d quietly sneak into the village at night and take you with him, even if it meant dragging you onto his ship.

One way or another, Ace was determined to give you a future beyond Wano, promising he’d bring you back someday, once you were trained and ready. But something deep down told you that he might not be willing to let you go so easily, even with his promise.

Once you were on board with him, whether you had agreed willingly or not, Ace barely let you out of his sight. He stuck close, insisting you share stories from the books you’d read back in Wano.

Ace was in what could only be described as a "honeymoon phase", though neither of you had exactly put a label on your relationship. Still, he was constantly affectionate, sticking to your side like a koala and playfully hinting for some affection in return. Although he wanted nothing more than for you to be comfortable and even affectionate back, he held off, giving you space to adjust. So, instead, he showered you with his own warmth, always finding new ways to make you laugh and feel at ease in your new life with him.

Ace often talked about his “Pops,” also known as Whitebeard, and all his crewmates, whom he considered family. He wanted you to know a bit about each of them before you met, hoping it would make things easier when you arrived. When he mentioned Izo, though, it surprised you since this was the same Izo who’d left Wano years ago, vanishing without a trace.

Your curiosity sparked up again and Ace was thrilled when you started asking questions with that familiar, eager tone, and he kept talking, doing anything he could to make you feel comfortable.

When you finally arrived on Whitebeard's ship, you couldn’t help but feel out of place; everyone seemed so skilled and capable. Other than your healing abilities, you didn’t feel like you had much to offer. But the crew welcomed you warmly, and Whitebeard himself began calling you his daughter.

Ace was overjoyed to see you settling in, but it wasn’t long before jealousy kicked in when you started spending more time with Izo and Marco.

Izo reminded you of home, and you found yourself talking to him about Wano and dreaming of taking it back someday. With Marco, you were captivated by his impressive healing skills and eager to learn everything you could from him. Seeing you bond with them so naturally left Ace feeling a little possessive.

Ace had always felt undeserving of any love or affection, burdened by the guilt of his mother’s death at his birth and the shadow of his infamous father, Gol D. Roger. His past had convinced him that love was a rare gift meant for others, but being with you changed that. Your kindness, so freely given, became something he cherished deeply, and he found himself wanting to keep it all for himself.

He would never hurt his brothers, but he found ways to keep you close, telling you that his crewmates were tied up with duties or that they simply didn’t have the time for visits. Knowing how thoughtful you were, he knew you’d never want to interrupt their work, so you often ended up playing cards or board games with him whenever you both had spare time.

Ace soon convinced Whitebeard that it would be best if you accompanied him on missions, claiming he needed a healer by his side to stay safe and given his tendency to get injured, Whitebeard saw the logic. However, the old man wasn’t oblivious either. He had noticed Ace’s looks of jealousy whenever you spent time with Izo or Marco, but he thought it was only an innocent crush and agreed to it.

This arrangement meant you were with Ace on every adventure, and while it could be tiring with his constant need to keep you by his side, you couldn’t deny that it also brought you the chance to explore more of the world. It might not be the best in the world, but it's certainly not the worst to endure. Even when he acts like a clingy koala.

[yourmcu]

Ace

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Gamer!Stark!Reader, Avengers x Reader

Summary:

Your girlfriend, your dad, along with the rest of the Avengers, support you during a VALORANT tournament.

Word count: 4.6k+

Warnings: too much VALORANT descriptions, you can google stuff about it if you want to get a good visual of this story, basically an avengers fic as a whole but i love supportive gf nat >:(

A/n: one of the drafts I left a long time ago! I miss writing for the avengers, so I decided to finish this one.

(completely italic dialogues - casters commentating)

All the hollering from the lounge died down when Natasha practically shoved both Sam and Bucky off the couch, stealing the TV remote in the process. Their basketball game can wait, her girlfriend’s tournament is more important.

“Oh, shoot. Y/N/N's tournament is today?” Sam suddenly remembered and Bucky made a quick detour out of the lounge to fetch Steve and possibly the others. They kind of promised you they'd support your game this time around, with the knowledge that they had free time on the dates of your tournament. Sam snapped his fingers, “Snacks. I'll be right back.”

No, you weren’t a professional athlete; if anything, you’re the opposite. Your wrists move more than your whole body most of the time, you only stay an hour or less in the gym, and you prioritize getting better in Aim Lab than a shooting range.

Ever since women playing in VALORANT E-Sports were normalized, you were one of the anticipated gamers to compete, of course you were on board and signed on to an esports organization and team roster. You’ve made a name for yourself in the gaming industry because of your high IQ and big brain plays. You used your head in every match, every round unlike the majority of the players mindlessly aiming and not landing shots. Because of your career, you’re known for something else and not just Iron Man’s daughter.

Natasha didn’t like the fact that you were glued to your computer most of the time at first. She thought Tony spoiled you too much even as an adult, but she later on realized that you graduated with a degree before settling into gaming. You worked for the Avengers, sometimes as an IT for a big company which paid more than you needed. You were basically set. All of this while you were still pretty young, a little younger than Natasha.

It’s safe to say all of Natasha’s doubts went away. She felt rather impressed and took a liking to you, which developed into something more over time.

From her phone, you chuckled when you heard Sam and Bucky’s shuffling. “We’re not up for another thirty minutes, babe.” On your end, you and your team were with the event's coordinators backstage of the actual place the tourney was held. Natasha always called you before and after your events, just because she was the best supportive girlfriend ever.

“I know, I wanted to set everything up before anything else,” Natasha put you on speaker while she dealt with the TV’s settings. You smiled to yourself, absolutely adoring your girlfriend even more when she was eager and supporting your games. “Are you guys still at the hotel?”

You had to travel out of the country for the tournament. As much as Natasha wanted to go with you (Clint wanted to go too because he ‘needed a break’, you just rolled your eyes at him and laughed), being a full time hero and an Avenger doesn’t mean you get to travel 24/7. She has to be with the team in case something terribly wrong happens, which doesn’t come with a warning. “Backstage, actually. Cloud9 and Misfits are wrapping up their last match right now,” You replied. “I've already warmed up at the hotel earlier. It's crazy how our room fits all of our PCs.”

“Ah, c'mon, you don't need no warm-ups!” Sam teased, hearing you on speaker as he walked back with refreshments and an assortment of chip bags.

You giggled, rolling your eyes at the Falcon’s words. “Stop it, Sam. You know me; I always get tilted when I play too much before the actual competition.”

Sometimes you get anxious and it affects your performance, same goes for when you warm-up too much; you lose focus the more games you play, leaving nothing for the tournament.

Despite Natasha's excitement to watch your team play, she’s not too vocal about it. She wouldn’t squeal when it starts or bombard you with loud encouragement through the call, because one, she doesn’t want to be the embarrassing girlfriend, and two, she’s the Black Widow. She’s naturally subtle about everything. You knew her more than anyone else though, so even if that was the case, you still felt her support.

Thirty minutes went by quicker than you’d hope, you were so caught up in watching the game of the other rivaling teams and commenting on everything that happened whilst still in the call with Natasha. You also answered Bucky’s queries when he came back; he’s only ever heard of e-sports since you started competing in it. He couldn’t imagine how hard switching point of views and the player’s face cameras must be. Bucky has only watched, what, actual live game tournaments, basketball or chess or whatever. It was confusing to him at times, but you told him he’d get used to it eventually just by taking note of the red and blue colors.

You were cut off by one of your teammates placing a hand on your shoulder, signaling you that it was time to go. “Alright. Nat, I have to go, I’ll call you when I get back?”

The two men were the first ones you heard react, Sam shifted in his seat excitedly while Bucky wondered out loud if he should call Tony, Peter, and Bruce, who were all unnecessarily working overtime at the lab.

You felt yourself smile again when she spoke. “Okay,” Natasha bit her lip, feeling anxious about the tournament, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Good luck!” Sam shouted before you hung up.

Natasha almost snorted when she heard loud footsteps coming towards the lounge entrance. Her sister had the worst timings ever.

“Someone decided to take a long shit while we were heading back. Has Y/N’s game started yet?” Yelena walked in as fast as she could with Fanny, looking at Natasha expectantly as she shrugged off her thick coat and got out of her boots. Fanny ran to where the couches were as soon as Yelena removed her leash, wagging her tail happily without a clue in the world.

“About to, but you did miss her on the phone.”

“Ah, fuck.”

Soon, Bruce, Tony, Peter, Wanda and Vision came down to watch as well. Your tournaments were one of the occasions the team had the chance to bond and get together in one room, it definitely helped with the morale as Steve would think, and they have you to thank for that.

Everyone was just in time to see you walk out to the stage with your team and the opposing one. You were in your team jersey and arm sleeves with your teammates behind you in a straight line.

Tony woot-ed, plopping down next to Natasha. “Heard Y/N/N's team is going up against a brand new team roster. This should be a piece of cake for her, eh?”

Peter sat down beside him, looking at the said rival team with yours, all lined up on stage. “I don't know about that, Mr. Stark. One of them recently went viral after getting five aces on a ranked game. She's radiant, too.”

Admittedly, he also played VALORANT with you and Ned, but often miscalculates his strength as he frequently breaks his keyboard or mouse because of freaking out whenever he sees an enemy. His reflexes and fighting skills were better off used in real time.

“And Y/N/N's been on the top ten leaderboard for, what, six months?” Tony challenged, evidently confident in your skills.

The chatter on who's better than who died down when both teams sat down on their respective computers. Though it wasn’t that noticeable to most people, Natasha noticed it right away: you were wearing the necklace she gave you. You considered it your lucky charm.

After both teams chose the maps they wanted to ban and maps they wanted to play, the game started.

You mostly play the character - or agent - Killjoy. The agent reminded you so much of yourself from her overall vibe and game mechanic: she had utility to aid the whole team, from turrets to alarm bots, and an ultimate that conducts lockdowns on any part of the map. You were so used to that character that you even played her on maps she’s not very helpful at because you mastered everything about her, which made you stand out from other players as no one would dare use characters on maps they weren't good in. Gears were practically turning in your head as the game loaded.

Then, the first game commenced.

The Avengers always made noise whenever you got a kill, or whenever the casters praised you for outsmarting the opposing team, which Steve and Bucky appreciated because it was hard for them to distinguish whether or not you did something good.

Your team easily won the first game. The Avengers were now watching your tournament on the flat screen TV like a bunch of teenagers watching a romcom, all giddy and filled with anticipation.

“Look at that, 13-1? She’s insane." Bruce shook his head. A team needed to win at least 13 rounds to win, if it's neck and neck, 14, or they may choose to go into overtime.

“I’ve never seen Y/N play with that kind of aggression before; they don’t stand a chance.” Wanda pointed out. She liked to spectate from the side whenever you played at the compound, whenever she could.

Natasha’s lips turned upright when they replayed your team’s best moments. One included your one versus three clutch, in which you threw a taunting, questioning look at the opposing roster across the stage after you effortlessly took out three enemies on your own. It was like their heads weren’t in the game at all.

The team laughed when they showed the exact clip of your face camera mocking the other team across the room. Natasha liked that about you; sure you were reserved and shy in general, but she loved it when all your confidence just comes out while you’re out there.

Another clip was when you had a problem with communication, so you weren’t aware that there were enemies around. Your character didn’t stop running because of that and you were exposed to two enemies. You reacted fast and jumped, pulled out your vandal to shoot both of them in the face.

Tony clapped his hands together at that moment. “Let’s go. Let’s fucking go, Y/N/N.”

Natasha, not all that phased on your brilliant play, could still not contain the smile on her face as she plopped back down on the couch.

“What? Wait, hold on, how did she even-” Sam looked back at everyone while they reacted to the highlight. He didn’t exactly process what happened because you moved too fast.

“God reflexes,” Yelena shrugs, not looking away from the screen. Wanda laughs in agreement.

After a bit of commentary and commercials, it was on to the next match on a new map.

Now, Natasha did not know the difference between the multiple maps at all, but she did remember you mentioning that your weakest one had to do with ice.

The next match was on a map called Icebox.

So, she watched intently as your team took a little while during the agent selection. But in the end, you decided to go for Killjoy again. Natasha could only guess what you had in mind to pull off another win.

“This is highly unusual for [Team Name] Y/N, isn’t it? Right now she’s watching the flanks when we usually expect her to be out there with a duelist to try and take picks!” The caster exclaimed, looking at their partner caster. “She’s one of the strong sentinels who you would trust to be by your side - and look at that, she takes out two already, they did not expect anyone to be holding the flank!”

“But she's using Killjoy again - couldn't she have gone for Cypher or Sage? Then again, they already have Skye on their team.”

Even though you were trying to play smart in this map, you still hated it, it was your weakest one. Still good, but not all that great. The opposing team seemed to know the typical Killjoy strategy on the Icebox map. You got sniped every round and your setups were way too predictable to the opposing team.

Soon, the score was 4-10. It was definitely not good to be on the end of only winning four rounds. Your team had to win the remaining rounds or hope for the best and go to overtime, or you lose this game and go onto the third one which would be way nerve racking and increase the odds of losing.

“Intense match so far we've got here. With [Team Name] Y/N at the bottom of the leaderboard this just has to be a miracle for [Team Name] to get a second win and move on to the next round.”

“There's also a bit of a setback with her shots in the last few rounds. I guess this is when we get to see if she's learned a thing or two from her girlfriend, right?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “They honestly did not have to bring that up.”

The other commentator expressed confusion at their partner's comment.

“The Black Widow! [Team Name] Y/N's been dating her for the last couple years. Honestly, where have you been?”

Everyone groaned as they started bringing your dating life to the conversation when they should be sticking to the game. Tony chose to laugh it off to and ignore the annoyance, whereas Yelena mumbled, “Did they just turn into a morning show now?”

After everyone in your team died, you all decided to ask for a timeout to talk things out. While that was going on, the Avengers had their own timeout and were trying to talk about the game, or at least what they thought was happening.

“Okay, assuming we've all seen how this Killjoy character works, her character would make most sense if her utility was in Site A." Bruce said, in thought.

Vision, one of the smartest of the bunch, had not grasped the game mechanics that well over the hour and half of the tournament. "But why is that, Dr. Banner?"

“Site A is pretty cramped, while site B has a lot of space. Of course the opposing team would always go to B since Y/N’s character's utility can't place utilities in both sites, they only have limited range," Peter points to the map as soon as it's shown up close, the casters having their own separate conversation about it.

Bucky turned to a confused Steve and Sam, “I have no idea what they're talking about.”

“Where else would she put her chicken gun on site B, then?” Tony joined the conversation, talking about your character's utility placement.

“It’s,” Natasha sighed. “It’s not a chicken gun...”

“Well, that chicken gun slows down enemies, right? It would make sense if Y/N places those bomb thingies to instantly kill them.” Yelena said.

“Lena, I think Y/N is fairly capable of playing the game right,” Wanda chuckled.

“Then she should be winning.” Yelena said jokingly, chugging on her drink.

It was astonishing how a group of heroes are knowledgeable about a video game, just so they could follow what you enjoy doing. That's how much they adored you.

Clint entered the room and looked at the source of ruckus, absolutely sick of the discourse. He was aware of your tournament and has been probably spectating on different means. “They still get another match if they lose this one. It’s the best out of three.”

“I’m starting to think someone’s cheating, has anyone noticed that some of the opponent team instantly kill them with only one bullet?” Steve squinted.

Tony scoffed. “That’s ridiculous, it’s a tournament.”

“It’s because they hit them precisely on the head, Steve. Who wouldn’t die if they got shot in the head?” Sam crossed his arms.

“Me,” that came from Vision.

“You don’t count.”

They all turned back to the screen once the timeout timer ran out. Natasha could sense the tension in your team, just from the way you glanced across the stage… she could tell you were gonna have a different way of playing the remaining rounds. The screen turned to you stretching your neck from both sides, seriousness evident in your face as you clutched your mouse, ready for the game to resume.

“And we're back, and it seems that [Team Name] had enough time to come up with a different game plan. We've got one duelist camping B, one on mid, and look at [Team Name] Y/N's utility. She's got her alarm bot and nano-swarms over on A, but her turret is on B as she's over by tunnel to keep it active.”

“Again, I have no idea what he's talking about.” Bucky shrugged, crossed his arms and kept his eyes on the screen.

After fixing your team's strategy, all that was left was to deliver with accurate shots and stay alive as much as possible. By the end of a few rounds, with your team’s communication and teamwork flawless than ever, the score was 12-11. Your team only had to win one more time to officially win.

At this point, Yelena and Wanda were loudly reacting to the gameplay, Sam and Tony were howling, rooting for you. Clint ended up setting himself on one of the sofa's arms, invested in the match.

Natasha was on the edge of her seat, clutching the couch cushions. She couldn’t help but chuckle when they showed your reaction momentarily, clearly breathless and eyes wide, fist bumping your teammates seated beside you.

“Oh, what a comeback! The most intense so far, am I right?” The caster exclaimed.

“[Team Name] only has to win one more round before moving on to the next part of this tournament!”

The last round wasn’t exactly in your team’s favor in the half. Three of your team got killed already, only two of you remaining and the five of the enemy team. The rival team obviously did not want to hand over the win that easily.

After the call of another successful kill by the opposing team, you were the last one standing against a full set of players. You would either have to clutch up the round or go into overtime.

Clint perked up, pulling out his wallet. “Alright, who wants to get the bets started?” He asked, placing down a crisp fifty dollar bill on the coffee table. “Y/N wins the game.”

They all stopped to look at him as if he was a madman.

“C’mon, Barton, it’s one versus five.” Sam pointed out.

“So what? Am I the only one who believes in Y/N here? Oh, Nat, you better start placing fifties.”

Natasha merely rolled her eyes, not once wanting to bet on or against her girl. Her eyes glued to the screen in which your character is cautiously checking if the area is clear to plant the bomb.

But Tony pulled out the same type of bill from his wallet, placing it on top of the archer's money.

“Mr. Stark, you do realize you're betting against-” Peter started.

“Hush, spiderling. Watch the game.” Tony brushed him off and watched the screen intently.

Tony was proud of you, truly. But it would also be funny to tease you lovingly when you go home as a loser.

You set up your utility, kind of surprised the whole enemy team went to the other site in which they thought you were heading. They did not leave anyone behind to make sure, as per your cautious scan of the area before settling. After checking all angles again, with thirty seconds to spare, you planted the spike.

“This is a dangerous game to play. She has to hold a lot of angles by herself, they could come in from anywhere.”

The spike continued to beep, which added a lot more tension among the Avengers. Natasha alternated from looking at the actual game to your face camera, of which was the only one left colored. You kept pacing at one of the hiding places, waiting for the slightest noise or actions from the other team.

You decided to peek at one of the entrances to the site once, the Jett with an operator narrowly missed your head so you took the opportunity to blast her head off. Afterwards, your alarm bot from the other side of your hiding place went off, so you went and peeked quickly, managing to pick off another player from the opposite team. Two down, three to go.

The Avengers erupted in noise. Sam and Peter were losing their minds, Bucky and Steve had amazed grins on their faces, and Natasha was clinging on to Yelena and Fanny like a fangirl trying to contain herself.

“What was that?!”

“She's a god!”

“My god, this is way too intense for me.”

Both commentators erupted in surprised glee as well. “A double kill from [Team Name] Y/N! The others are slowly making their way into the site, what will she do?!”

A Sova fired a dart to hopefully reveal your location on the map, but you were too quick to shoot it down to cancel it. But, the Sova spotted you anyway, and was able to shoot you until you were at only 50 HP.

You hid again and recalled your turret, placing it on top of the wall in front of you before sneaking your way to the opposite side. It could watch your back while you attempt to peek on the other side to surprise your enemies.

That move managed to catch one of the other players trying to sneak in as well, and you killed them off with ease. Three down, two to go.

“Down goes [Player Name]! Sova and Yoru are still on the lookout, it's like an intense version of hide & seek up in here!”

Barely anyone was talking now, all eyes on the enormous screen.

“Y/N has her ult!” Peter pointed out.

That you did, as your third kill managed to unlock enough points for it. Aware of its availability, you hurried off to the perfect spot to plant it to cover almost the entire site, still hidden from your enemies. Killjoy's voice rang through the game, saying 'Initiated!', when you planted her ultimate.

“What's that? What's happening?” Steve asked.

“Well, it's called 'lockdown', so I'm assuming it's locking off the area within its perimeter... trapping everyone inside...” Bruce said, lost in thought because of the game.

The Yoru activated their ultimate in time with yours, and you were now twice as cautious, looking around for blue swirls of the duelist to avoid getting sniped easily. He tried to blind you, but you were quick to move your view away from the flash to avoid it. Stupidly, the Yoru's ultimate ran out while trying to destroy your lockdown, so you killed them without hesitation. Four down, one to go.

Clint cackled at the turn of events while the others continued to freak out, teasing Tony, a billionaire, on losing a fifty-dollar bet. “What did I tell you, Stark?! What did I tell you?!”

The spike's beeps started getting faster and you could finally see the finish line. But, you were still cautious as they still had more than enough time to defuse if they managed to kill you.

“You know, [Team Name] Y/N could just leave the site at this point. It's game over for [Rival Team Name].”

“Ah, don't speak too soon there! [Team Name] Y/N's now inspecting the outer corners of the site, unaware of [Rival Team Name] [Player]'s sneaky entrance - and she's placed a smoke down, ready to defuse!”

Of course you were unaware of the opponent's whereabouts. But, you did hear the defuse sound go off for a second. With that, you head back, holding a grenade to throw near the area of the spike.

“She's got this in the bag.” Sam said in content.

After a few seconds, the defusing sound started up again, but you were certain that the grenade you set off did some damage to your opponent on top of the information you got from your teammates before they died.

You started to jiggle-peek from your spot, clearly visible from your opponent's perspective, so they had no choice but to stop defusing the spike to try and shoot you.

Unfortunately, they did a number on you, so you decided to go around. Once the cooldown reset on your turret, you placed it down on one side for intel. With only 20 HP left, you snuck up to the other side of the obstacle to hopefully pull off a knife kill for the finale.

“This game is way more intense than I thought.” Bucky spoke thoughtfully amidst the suspense-filled silence.

“Shhhh!”

“Oh my god, she's got her knife out.” Natasha said in disbelief, watching your character sneak up behind your opponent whose back is facing you.

“So?”

“Just wait for it.” Natasha bit her lip, knowing fully well how you always prefer a devastating way to end a match.

The commentators were freaking out, a combination of “no's”, “don't do this”, and “not like this” rang through the Avengers' speakers. It was considered devastating in the VALORANT community to be killed in game with a knife instead of a gun or anything else. The opponent is oblivious, having already defused half of the spike, but they didn't know what would soon come.

You strike your knife at their head, killing them instantly, the spike left undefused. The game graphics became slow motion while the screen flashed green with 'VICTORY' in the middle of it all. You stood up almost immediately, proud of your savage last kill, fist-bumping all your teammates.

“AN ACE FROM [Team Name] Y/N! [Team Name] IS GOING TO THE MASTERS!”

You hugged your team as well before turning to the camera nearest to you, blowing hot air onto the lens, and tracing a heart followed by a cheeky grin and a wink.

“Yup, she's a Stark alright!”

Roars and cheers emitted from the commentators, the present audience, and the Avengers. Sam yelled and everyone followed, but the loudest one was Clint, who then swooped down to collect his cash prize for winning the bet. Tony didn't care at all, laughing along with the others; he had something new to brag about his kid. Natasha's cheeks flushed, as they always did when it came to you.

“SHE WON!”

“I'll get the booze!”

“In your face, Stark!”

“Cap, you stepped on my foot!”

Natasha unlocked her phone to take a quick picture of the livestream of the heart you drew on the camera, as well as of the stage displaying all of your team's headshots with an abundance of confetti almost covering it. All she wanted now was to call you, but she knew you probably had interviews and post-game rituals with your team, and she had champagne to drink with her own team in celebration of you.

The next morning, on a quick flight back home, the first thing that caught your attention was Natasha's Instagram story of the tournament. Your family supported and watched the tourney for you, as the following slides of her story consisted of the team chugging on champagne, Clint showing off an apparent bet that he won, and Peter and Sam posing in front of the TV when your face camera was shown up close.

Smiling, you liked her stories and replied with 'Thank you for supporting me, my love. I'll see you all soon'.

[graveyardparade]

sorry I'm aroace riz gukgak posting again... but I've been mulling over how well-founded and grounded Riz's fears are as an aroace person in a society (and I would argue, in this incredibly shipping-heavy universe itself) that is actively hostile against people like him. He sees over and over again how others prioritize and centre romantic relationships above all others in both his peers and in parental figures in that there really is no adequate model for what it means to be single and happy.

More specifically, I'm thinking back to the Nightmare Forest and what a harsh blow it is to be told that he'll never be like the parents he clearly worships -- but I think a part of him also fears winding up like Sklonda herself! For over half of Riz's life, he's only known his mother as a single parent and what it looks like to be forced into self-sufficiency esp as a racial minority, burning the candle at both ends, working her ass off, and barely able to make ends meet as it is. Sklonda is a great mother, but we know Riz was by necessity a latchkey kid and Sklonda wasn't able to hide the more difficult parts of single parenthood from him: how tired she was, how thankless the work was, and how little time she had to spend on taking care of herself when societally and financially, being a single person is hard. She had at least the memory of a great love and Riz herself to work so tirelessly for, but what does it mean to have work as your love language if there's nobody there to receive it? Yes, Sklonda probably has friends, but at the end of the day and in her dark, quiet moments, Riz has seen her left alone, failed by both fate and the structure she spent her life working for. In contrast, we see the comfort that Sandra Lynn and Jawbone live in, the cozy suburbs of the Applebees, the cheerful (and very horny) Thistlesprings, all living in the comfort of having a companion to rely on at the end of the day, or to be there to catch them when they inevitably fall.

The only structures he's seen are that which prioritizes romantic love as your true partner and your first priority, and he grew up seeing what life is like when that safety net falls away. The big difference is that the life Riz sees himself facing down in his weak moments is not life when the safety net falls away, but life when you never had that safety net to begin with. And for a kid who already spent most of his life societally ostracized, financially unstable, and alone -- that's a very, very scary thing. (editing to add, and this makes this even less coherent than it already is: there's something to Gilear's rock bottom being the exact same apartment building Riz has lived in his entire life, and Gilear's ability to pull himself out of that physical situation is solely through entering a romantic relationship with (the admittedly shitty) Hallariel. Whoof.)

[plumbobpaparazzi]

Peek into my Mods folder...

This is dedicated to @alltimefail-sims or anyone who needs a little help with lag!

I have several mods I refer to as "efficiency mods" that are little quality-of-life tweaks that make the game smoother for me, either by reducing lag or reducing immersion-breaking hiccups. As always, your mileage may vary, but hopefully this is helpful to someone. :) List of mods under cut to keep your dash clean.

No Intro - Whether you are trying to 50/50 your mods, testing new CC, or just need to shave time off your game loading... get rid of the cinematic intro.

Free Will Delay - Do your sims curbstomp their queue and proceed to fuck off to something unrelated? Yeah, me too, until I got this mod. From the mod description: "[E]very time you tell your sim to do something, they will be forced to listen! …For 5 minutes. Then they get free will back again. This is probably why controlling Sims in Sims 4 feels so bad! Because you lose control the second they start doing what they're told. Even if you queue up actions, the total time is STILL five minutes- because it goes from the last direction you give your sim. So you can tell them to do 3 hours worth of stuff while paused…and they'll get control back after 5 minutes. This mod changes this timeframe to an option of your choosing, to make controlling your sims feel more rigid."

Simulation Unclogger - This is an oldie-but-goodie mod from Turbodriver that helps interrupt when Sims get stuck in an endless action loop.

Evolve/Fertilize All Plants - Kind of weird how we can Harvest All but you can't Evolve or Fertilize All, right?

No Empty Venues When Arriving - Helps with the issue of going to a community lot and waiting around for Sims to show up. May cause increased lag if you are bottlenecked by RAM.

Food Autonomy Overhaul - Stops your stupid Sims from eating ingredients, AND allows Sims who hate cooking to autonomously grab quick meals. Didn't know they wouldn't do that? Yeah. That's a thing.

Don't Do That! Version 1 and Version 2 - Removes autonomy on annoying actions that can't be affected by MCCC tuner, like reactions and some trait idle animations.

Less Obsession - Lowers autonomy for certain things without disabling entirely. I still want my Sims to paint, but I don't want them to start a new figure painting any time they are left unsupervised.

Smarter Self-Care - Makes Sims prioritize their needs better before they are uncomfortable. I only use the packages for NPCs and Pets.

NPC Relationship Autonomy Fix - Stops random Sims from breaking into your house to ask to be your BFF (and tunes the requirements so they actually have to be your friend first.)

Buy More Upgrade Parts - Allows you to buy a package of 50 upgrade parts for when you are grinding out handiness or robotics.

The following mods are all by Bienchen and don't have a direct page for each package. You can search by name pretty easily on their website. I recommend flipping through and grabbing anything you find useful - I have a total of 368 of their mods installed. Here are some highlights:

novisibleecoeffects - The aurora will nuke your framerate. I know it's pretty, but oh my god.

noautonomousbakewhitecake - Does what it says on the tin, keeps your house from being overrun by cakes.

harvestnogroupinteraction - Stops club members from autonomously harvesting plants. Those are MY death flowers!

lessemotionidles - Reduces unnecessary idle animations from emotions, great for preventing your Sims from looking flirty at inappropriate times...

lesspreferenceidles - Stops your sims from thinking about how much they like fishing/fitness/etc. when they should be doing things.

happytoddleridledisabled - Stops the idling from the Happy Toddler trait. SUPER useful for family gameplay.

laundry_buffsandsoloidlesfix - Stops or reduces idles related to laundry. It's just clothes, bro

eldertweak - Reduces elder animation idles.

hastopeewalkstyleforchildonly - Helps get your Sims to the toilet in a reasonable amount of time.

tinyhousebuffhider - I know I'm in a Tiny Home, I don't need a moodlet.

lottraiteffectshider - Hides the little floating lightbulbs around Sims heads from lot traits.

notraitnotifications - I know my geek likes video games, I don't need the pop-up every time I play.

noholidayoutcomenotification - Please don't rub my nose in the fact I forgot to celebrate.

nofestivalnotifications and nofestivalnotificationsound - Helpful when a pack is new, but years later... no thanks.

noenrollmentandscholarshipinfo - No more info screen about the two universities. I think most of us know it all by now.

nouprootplant - Never cry because of a misclick again

simschangeoutfitwhenhotorcold - Should have already been autonomous, but alas.

novisualpoliteintroeffects - I don't know if I am the only one, but the glowing really bothers me.

restaurantsittweak - Sit down and eat your dang food! No more wandering Sims.

longerprom - Takes 6 hours instead of 4 so you can actually do something.

I probably have other QoL mods that could be helpful, but these are my recommendations to start with. Love to all the modders that keep this game playable <3

[malk1ns]

october 9 2024 v rangers, 6-0 loss

Geno’s uncharacteristically quiet on the bus to the hotel in Detroit.

Sid locks his phone and glances to his right. The street lamps cast eerie shadows over Geno’s face as he looks out the window, making his features look harsh, almost haggard. His mouth is in a tight moue, lips pressed together in displeasure.

Sid frowns.

Normally, Geno’s animated after games, even bad losses—he’ll talk shit about their opponent, sometimes even their own teammates depending on what went down in the game, and Sid always gets a perverse enjoyment out of snickering along with Geno’s jokes, adding in his own admittedly mean-spirited commentary to egg him on. After all, if you can’t be unkind and petty in the privacy of your own relationship, whispered together in their cozy little seat in the back of the bus, where can you?

And yeah, tonight’s game was worse than most. Worse even than the own-goal game from last season, probably, because as much as that was personally embarrassing for Geno, and caused a rift between him and Kris for almost two weeks before Sid told them to cut the shit and figure it out, this was a team embarrassment, them failing to produce even as much as one singular goal in front of their fans after making them sit through a long stressful summer, and Geno has always worn team losses worse than his own individual mishaps, felt more responsibility towards the fans than his own reputation.

Still, though.

Sid lets the silence settle, unlocking his phone again and scrolling his Instagram feed without actually seeing anything. Seguin sends him four snaps in a row, which Sid clears away with an irritated huff that’s more performative than anything; even that doesn’t draw Geno from whatever sulk he’s sunk himself into.

When they get to the hotel, Sid walks Geno to the elevator bank and plants him there with their suitcases, collecting their keys and spending a few minutes with the rest of the guys, murmuring encouragement and doling out pats on the shoulder. He takes a little extra time with Rutger, who looks a little shell-shocked, but the kid is still riding the high of his first NHL game despite its outcome, so it’s not long before Sid manages to extricate himself.

Geno’s waiting where Sid left him, slouched against the wall with his arms crossed. He barely makes eye contact with Sid, bats his hands away when Sid tries to grab at his suitcase and hoists them both up himself.

Sid lets him, ushers him into the elevator with a hand on the small of his back. When he turns around to look at the lobby as the door slides shut, he catches Kris’s eye from where he’s holding the rest of the guys back and nods once in gratitude.

There’s very little in his life that Sid prioritizes over his captaincy of this team. It’s a privilege and an honor to lead the Pittsburgh Penguins every year, and not one Sid takes lightly. Geno is one of those things, always has been and always will be.

Geno dumps their bags in the corner when they get to the room and lowers himself onto the bed with a sigh.

Sid lets him stew for a few more minutes, taking off his suit jacket and hanging it in the closet, loosening his tie and sliding his belt off as he listens to Geno mutter to himself. 

Once he’s down to his boxer-briefs and undershirt, he turns around.

Geno’s shoulders are hunched and he’s picking at his cuticles. He looks small. When Sid crosses the room and stops in front of him, he barely even looks up.

“Sorry,” he says, and Sid shakes his head even though Geno can’t see him.

“First game, bud,” Sid says, thumbing over Geno’s lower lip, dragging it down to expose his teeth. Geno lets him, maybe even pouts out a little bit more, flickers his tongue out over the tip of Sid’s thumb. Sid digs the digit into Geno’s lower teeth. “Couldn’t matter less. Wouldn’t matter if it was the 82nd game, either. That’s not why we’re here anymore, yeah?”

“Don’t like it,” Geno mumbles around Sid’s thumb. “Bad tonight.”

“It wasn’t our best,” Sid agrees, pulling his hand back and ignoring the frisson of heat Geno’s protest kindles in his stomach. It’s late, they played tonight and play again tomorrow, and they’re not as young as they were—sleep is more important. He can take Geno up on that tomorrow, when they’re home and away from prying ears from the adjoining rooms. “But that’s okay. Eighty-one more chances to prove them wrong, eh? And if we don’t…” Sid shrugs, thinking back to their conversations over the summer, Geno stretched out in the sun and pretending to sound understanding as he talked about maybe you’re want to go play for cup team a few years, it’s fine.

Geno’s a bad liar, always has been. Sid had appreciated the effort, though, even if it was never a question, not for him—it was nice to know that Geno would have bucked up and done his best, played the supportive partner and guided the Penguins while Sid was gone, if Sid had wanted to finish his career elsewhere.

“I know,” Geno sighs, leaning forward and resting his head on Sid’s stomach. His breath is warm and humid through the thin cotton, and Sid drops his palm on the back of Geno’s neck. “Still don’t like.”

“We have to do things we don’t like sometimes to get the results we want,” Sid intones, putting enough Boston into his voice to make Geno huff out a laugh into Sid’s shirt. “Hey, let’s get to bed.”

When Geno trails after him into the bathroom, he still looks tired, but the crinkles at the corners of his eyes look like he’s been smiling.

[rorja]

today it seems i can’t stop thinking about neurologist!suguru… i came up with the idea for fun while i was watching a show and now it is haunting me with silly scenarios and stuff.

so please sit here a minute while i try to explain the vision i had this afternoon…! —🐣

neurologist!geto who quickly becomes the talk among the nurses of the university hospital he started working at last month. sure, he’s an excellent doctor and a great person and of course so polite and kind with his patients. but no, that’s not the only reason why he began to attract people’s curios stares.

neurologist!geto that is on duty the very next day after a troublesome night shift. visiting each patient of his ward dutifully while being accompanied by a nurse— who, coincidentally enough, is the one that seems to notice that odd little detail first.

neurologist!geto who becomes the center of the rumors that same afternoon. he’s a thirty years old beautiful man, and yet he seems to not have a ring on his finger! that’s shocking, a huge news! who would’ve thought that an amazing man like him was yet to marry. it was also weird considering the many people that got a crush on him, too…

neurologist!geto who shocks every doctor and every nurse in that hospital once again when the “bring your kids to work” day eventually arrives. showing up to the reception area of the main building gently squeezing the hand of a small and shy brunette child on his left while holding close to his chest a more enthusiastic and energetic blonde kid, who points her tiny finger around the decorated entrance. it takes less than one hour to discover that doctor Geto Suguru is a dad of two twins named Mimiko and Nanako.

neurologist!geto who happily answers questions about his daughters and encourages them to greet his friends, Satoru and Shoko, in the main hallway of the hospital building next to a coffee machine and a snack one. visibly ignoring the widened eyes of all the nurses passing by. he doesn’t care if they are shocked, what is important for him is that he got to opportunity to change the routine for his daughters, hoping they’ll have a wonderful time while prioritizing their comfort.

neurologist!geto who calls your name loudly while sitting in the cafeteria once he spots you looking at the menu. and you immediately light up once you see the two little girls eating their lunch boxes and talking about how cool their dad is while working. for an instant you hear Mimiko say ‘i want to be a doctor like him when i grow up’ and you can feel your gaze instantly softening. looking at geto with a fond smile as he tells her that he’ll happily support her if she wants to study medicine, but that he’ll be proud no matter what she chooses in the future.

neurologist!geto who surprises everyone in the hospital the day after. a silver band sitting comfortably on his ring finger that the nurses swear wasn’t there before. and when questioned about it, his only answer is “oh my wedding ring? i lost it about a month ago. me and my daughters were playing on a boat we’ve rented for their summer break, when it accidentally slipped from my finger into the water. i had to wait a bit to get a new one, but it was worthy. i’ll pay more attention to it in the future” with a polite smile before resuming his paperwork.

neurologist!geto who every day after work finally is free to come home to you and the twins you’ve adopted a week after your wedding. enjoying a simple evening watching a movie on the couch or playing some card games on the carpet of the living room, before helping you tucking the twins to bed. laughing with you when he recalls the odd questions about his ring from your colleagues of the pediatric ward back at the hospital, while helping you preparing the bed to go to sleep too.

neurologist!geto who is tired from his work, and yet focuses all the remaining energy in pulling you to his chest gently. holding your half asleep figure just as tenderly, a hand easing the knots between your hair and the other hugging your waist to keep you close to him. leaving a kiss on the crown of your head before closing his eyes with a content sigh. both of you eventually falling asleep before the loud melody of the clock wakes you up for a new day of work.