#esp saying that after he projected some blame onto her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

masterthespianduchovny · 2 years

Text

I’m going to explain why I start twitching and break out in hives whenever someone floats that Sydney and Richie should hate fuck.

What I’ve discovered about myself this past year is I really don’t do the “guy is rude/an asshole/insults a specific woman and I must ship them together!!!”

This are my ships:

Mulder/Scully-The X-Files

Ginny/Mike- Pitch

Jane/Lisbon- The Mentalist

Ichabod/Abbie- Sleepy Hollow

Carmy/Sydney- The Bear

Rich/Michonne- The Walking Dead

Chuck/Sarah- Chuck

Ted/Rebecca- Ted Lasso

Will/Alicia- The Good Wife

If someone of you are familiar with a handful of these shows, you’ll recognize a trend here: these men worship the ground these women walk about. You will not disrespect these women, esp around them. They will either confront you, fight you, or both! (I’ll add some others I’m forgetting at the moment due to being sleep deprived.)

Women are often disrespected, esp black woken, as a joke everyday. And most of them aren’t joking. It’s delivered as one, but that person and their audience as serious.

I see the disrespect of (black) women tolerated and encouraged everyday, I don’t want to see that in my shows either. Even if it’s just a hook up.

The other part is: black women largely do not hate fuck white men. I’m not going to say never because there are exceptions to every rule.

Although I don’t expect the series to ever go here, Richie is so coded to casually say shit like, “ghetto black bitch” or maybe even “uppidy.” He resembles the white middle aged men and bros who swears they aren’t racist, but will be casually and outright racist at times and say, “if you don’t want to be treated like a ****** don’t act like a ******.” Or use the word liberally around his friends or certain circles.

Again, I don’t believe that is Richie, but his behavior is so similar to these guys that I can’t imagine Sydney would hate fuck a man like that. It would actually be upsetting for me. And this has nothing with me wanting her to be with Carmy, I’ve said early on after watching the show that I could see Syd x Marcus if they wanted to go there. This isn’t some shipper tearing down Richie’s character. I’m truly really disturbed with how he’s behaved toward Sydney and treated her at times.

I don’t believe they have sexual tension and I think it’s dangerous for some to believe (again, I said some) that characters who hate one another are secretly attracted to each other or will be. It’s why you have people who ship Maggie x Negan from the Walking Dead. Sometimes people hate someone for valid reasons and it doesn’t translate to fucking if they make amends.

Why does Richie hate Sydney?

She’s a scapegoat for him for useless and fear of being “pushed out” the beef, esp bc he knows he’s has nothing going on for himself. Then shows up this young and ambitious woman who is talented as fuck and won’t take his shit. He’s projecting all of his issues onto her.

Why does Sydney hate Richie?

When they first meet, he calls her sweetie (which is inappropriate), then while yelling at Carmy, calls her a broad. Is angry and belligerent when shopping for the caulk. Disrespects Carmy because of his culinary training. Mocks their passion and culinary training. Literally is aggressive and hostile with her (on two different occasions). Tina has to get him out of the kitchen because of how erratic he was acting. Constantly makes Sydney’s job difficult and refuses to listen to her. Blames her for shit that wasn’t her fault, and then gloats when she fucks up (after she covered his ass with the caulk too). Said she blow a critic for a good review and tried to sow discord between her and Carmy. And he loved gaslighting her, esp when she’s rightfully angry with her.

Sydney would have to have absolutely no sense of self worth or be at the lowest of low to fuck Richie. Because when in the fuck would she fuck a man who she doesn’t allow any form of disrespect or implied violence go unchecked touch her sexually? And that’s not including that a guy like that is someone who would read as racist to many black women.

And this is not to say some black women don’t see if for this hook up—some do! I’m not going to speak on that because that’s a nuanced situation as to how others explore fandom.

And this isn’t necessarily judging people who want it to happen. I just do not want that shit to be canon AT ALL. I would probably stop watching the show or consider it because of how upsetting it would be to me. If people want to write fanfic I’ll never read, but other would, be my guest. Go wild and crazy with it.

But I just cannot watch a character I adore, relate to at times, and who seemingly has a good sense of herself to not do some wild ass shit like that, that I’d stay around as she fucks a man who consistently disrespected and was hostile and aggressive with her.

The only couple I can think of that I shipped that were enemies to lovers were Kyle and Max from “Living Single.” And I think it was because they were equals—they were on the same playing field, but it stopped at barbs thrown at each other. He wasn’t in her face or making derogatory comments.

Sydney and Richie aren’t equals. She’s literally his boss and he can’t handle that (the point in me saying she’s his boss is to note that this aren’t two equals taking shots at each other.) And he’s also protected due to their precarious situation (aka bleeding money) and being Carmy’s “cousin.” Who knows how much she’s told and hasn’t told Carmy about his behavior, esp bc she’s used to dealing with everything herself. But again, there is still that race and gender element.

Like, if it’s all about fun and vibes for some, I get it if you ignore me. But the way I see black women treated in real life (dating wise and harassed by fans) and how fictional black women are treated, issa no from me, dawg.

I know enemy to lovers is a popular trope, it just isn’t something that hits for me when it comes to black and white relationships, esp if the woman is black. Esp when it piles on to the hate she already receives.

And, honestly, there’s no sexual tension between them. Some only think there is bc they hate each other and fans been conditioned to think that means there’s a sexual component there or will be.

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear on hulu #sydney adamu #richie jerimovich #like 99% of the couples I ship adore the fuck out of each other #this legitimately bothers me #some ppl want this to be canon bc… ‘chemistry’#this is part of what I meant when I said I’d fight for Sydney #Sydney…baby girl stand behind me #whether you end up with Carmy 😍 heart motherfucker personified #the puppy Marcus #or someone else #it will not be Richie!!!#and yes Sydney deserves romance as well #I want her to fuck someone who is into her not a man who demeaned her because he’s in his feelings

25 notes · View notes

jostenneil · 3 years

Note

I think dickkory's love in NTT isn't one sided. Not on dick's part. I've read the new teen titans books and most of the time dick always says he loves kory and that he is afraid to lose her. Dick loves kory as much kory loves him. He cried and became depressed when kory got married to another man. He lashed out his frustrations at donna and alfred after he came back home from tamaran (New Teen Titans 18 , 19) He said it himself the reason why he has problems with the marriage is because he couldn't accept to see her with another man because he is a one woman man and that woman will always be Kory (New Titans 99) Also i don't agree that Marv wolfman wrote kory someone who cant grow outside her relationship with Dick, Kory had a lot of journeys without Dick in NTT. It even took 2 years in real life for them to become a couple in NTT. Kory had another love interest before she and dick became a couple, the guy's name is frankie.

And Kory was actually the one who broke up with Dick first in NTT, Dick wanted to see her again but Kory didn't show up, she ditched him and she told him she can't see him again, she put herself first before him(New Teen Titans 114) and before that Dick had to go to Tamaran to bring her back with him but Kory keeps running away from him (New Titans 110, 111)

I think it's only the retcons that made it seem like dick never loved her or that kory is whining over dick. I blame it on the batwriters. They always try to write dickkory as some sort of a one sided temporary fling relationship to make it seem like barbara is the only woman he truly loved. Kory always gets some belittling comments about her relationship with dick from the batman and dickbabs comics.

oh, i don't mean to say dick didn't love kory, in all honesty i've rarely seen another couple that verbally expressed their love to each other as much as them. ig a better way to word what i meant would be to say that i think sometimes dick's love for kory read to me as being conditional. like she had to compromise more with him than him with her for him to be able to love and commit to her wholeheartedly in a way that she felt was emblematic of the kind of love she'd grown up believing in. i think part of it definitely came from the amount of pressure he put on himself and the standards he held himself to (which kinda plays into the way he reacted with donna and alfred, too, esp donna), which were in turn projected onto everyone else around him, including her, and to sort of further the drama of it all, the narrative could never quite let him ease up and always had to throw a wrench in his path that kept him as uptight as ever, which obv lead him to where he was by the end of the new titans. and on the latter part, i definitely agree kory had significant moments, esp towards the end, where she decided to do something for herself rather than in vein of her relationship with dick or the titans, but ig that's sort of the conclusive point to what i said originally - it had to be a big thing that she broke away from dick and decided to go out on her own bc a large portion of her narrative to begin with had been about trying to conform to the ideals of others or trying to be a "real" earthling. that's something she admitted to explicitly in the new titans 112/113 i think, i forget which of the two issues it was. nearly fifteen years of her existence were dictated by that back and forth pull between the influence of her new home versus her old one, so i don't find it surprising that writers thereafter didn't know how to let her move on from that struggle even tho wolfman gave them an out to do so. they'd already grown used to the overarching pattern of it and they were content to continue recreating it while dick got to be in new (admittedly shitty) stories bc he had bat editorial to fall back on where she had nothing else, at least in the minds of writers who didn't care otherwise and didn't want to put a consistent, multi-year effort into exploring her outside of the titans

#dick grayson #koriand'r #dickkory #asks #mine:media analysis #i hope this makes more sense bc i'm not disagreeing with you #ig my original point was just not clear enough in what it was trying to convey lol

18 notes · View notes

chickennuggetdreamland · 3 years

Text

theowlclub.net has the first 2 episodes of toh season 2 up already and lemme tell you i watched that shit and it was a FUCKIN TREAT

spoilers under the cut

im in love with the way lilith is characterized and how her arc is progressing. it just feels really smooth and im so glad that they arent just Forgetting her! theyre including her but also making her realize a lot of things! and her friendship with hooty is so cute. i kind of saw it coming for some reason. its a little strange but still very cute in a corny kinda way

and good lord... the fact luz just blames herself so much for everything. luz instantly sees herself as a burden to eda but projects that onto eda herself. i swear to god the amount of times i went “aww” in separate tides is SO MANY and has SUCH A RANGE... like luz!!!! my girl!!!!!!! you are not a burden to owl mom she loves you sooooooooo much please please please

the golden guard btw???? he is so sick (in a good way)?? im in love with him. not romantically but i love his concept. he seems like such a fun character, hes like one of those bitchy characters who you Love to hate or get frustrated with because they are just meant to be off putting in a way thats enjoyable

AND..... LIKE......... HELLO?????? ODALIA????? odalia is soooooooo insane shes literally terrible. i like that theyre showing the relationship she has with amity finally! i also enjoy that they arent making her seem to be “homophobic-coded” esp since dana has said homophobia + transphobia doesnt exist on the boiling isles. that is so good. we can have shitty parents without them being bigots!!!!! come on now!!!!!!

i love amity so much. not to downplay luz because she is my girl, i love her to pieces ... but jesus lord amity. she is such an interesting character. i feel like we’re going to get to Understand her more this season! the way she gives that little gift to luz is so cute... she’s trying so hard to be formal about it. but then she SNAPS and is so CONFIDENT and PROTECTIVE... “stay AWAY from my luz” HER LUZ!!!!!! YES GIRL!!!!!!!!!! AND THE WAY LUZ JUST BLUSHES AT SEEING AMITY PROTECT HER LIKE OMG... LUZ IS FINALLY FEELING ITTTTTTTTTTTTT i hope?myabe?

i feel like the way luz exits the second episode kind of implies that she’s struggling with the realization that she has a crush on amity, or like, her feelings about amity have changed. maybe that’s just me reaching because i Would Like to see a more explicit sort of representation with characters in animated series realizing their identities (and again, bigotry doesn’t exist on the boiling isles - but who’s to say it doesn’t exist in the human realm?). but i reallllllly hope we get to see more of how luz feels especially after the events of the second episode!

and ohhhh my goodness i can’t not talk about gus. gus is one of my favorites. i literally... he has GROWN. his VOICE. oh my goodness... i love him so much... i’m literally insane... he is still so silly. and willow’s dads dfhdfhgdhdhg crying.

there’s SO much more i could say probably but!!!!! i think this about sums it up!!!!!!! season 2 is a TREAT so far and i’m loving it. can’t wait for it to get darker and more serious and uhhhhhhhhhhh Exploring Different Characters(tm)

#leaflings #the owl house #toh season 2 #toh spoilers

7 notes · View notes

reversecreek · 4 years

Note

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily : how does your muse view their mother ?

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip : how does your muse view people in general ?

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold : is your muse prone to jealousy ? how might they handle envious feelings ?

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum : how does your muse express romantic love ? how do they feel about love as a concept ?

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna : how does your muse respond to silence ? do they take comfort in soundlessness , or seek to fill the void with noise ?

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering.

#magda | memes #cricket | memes #ziggy | memes #bradley | memes #nyla | memes #death tw #grief tw #anxiety tw #fortyfivcs #drugs tw #abuse tw #i think thts all tws theyre like not covered in detail obviously bt still #i put under read more bc i wrote literal essays fr everything idk what happened to me....#also thank u fr the ask sexy :yum:

7 notes · View notes

dovewingz · 4 years

Text

alright squad here are my thoughts post-moonkitti video. i don’t have that many, plus i’ve already given some through reblogs

so lets get some stuff out of the way:

if you still like brambleclaw/star thats literally fine idc, but if you think hes not abusive or that hes a good person ESPECIALLY after squirrelflights hope pls unfollow/block/whatever

if u recognize that hes a bad person but still like him/think hes an interesting character/appreciate a fanon or far-removed from canon version of him thats ok !! thats cool !!! me too !! i’ll admit that i still rlly like a Fanon version of brambleclaw

if you dont like squirrelflight thats fine im not gonna tell you who to like but if you dont think shes a victim of bramblestars abuse pls unfollow

now thats out of the way here are my Actual Thoughts:

as i said, squirrelflight is a victim of bramblestar’s abuse. i don’t think bramblestar is intentionally abusive and i think his motivations lie in his fears and insecurities, but that does not take away from the fact that he is abusive

i wouldn’t say that bramble n squirrel are equally at fault when it comes to the tnp drama but i dont think its heavily leaning to one side. bramble was projecting his fears abt his father onto squirrel + being hypocritical by training in the df with said father. an’ squirrel shouldn’t have tried to stop his relationship with hawkfrost based on gut feeling, leafpools words, etc

they both lacked understanding/empathy for one another (esp squirrel) and clearly Suck at communication and apologies. however comma bramble definitely acted wrongfully cold/passive-aggressive etc as squirrel formed a friendship with ashfur !

i dont blame squirrel for adopting the three bc starclan literally pressured her into doing it BUT her lying to bramble is Not Good and his anger is totally understandable. however him completely avoiding/ignoring her for a whole year because of it, even when she tried to reach out... red flag. whats also a red flag is him only apologizing during a crisis, it shouldnt take u a whole entire crisis to forgive and/or apologize to ur partner

uhhhh ok i think thats all. i agree w moon’s explanation of squirrelflight’s hope n their relationship in that

if u take away squirrelflights hope, i think brambles behavior is def more up to interpretation but i dont think canon brambleclaw has been a good person since the beginning of tnp. some of his behaviors can be read as red flags if u want continuity but i dont think thats necessarily the case, again its y’know... up to interpretation

tho, ignoring canon brambleclaw? my take of brambleclaw? big himbo dad. and if i talk abt brambleclaw on here outside of any discourse, thats how i think of him. bramblestar sucks tho lol even i can admit that

#cotton speaks #abuse #i just have 'disc horse' playing on repeat in my mind #mk disc #bramblesquirrel disc

19 notes · View notes

beauzoleils · 5 years

Text

ABIGAIL COWEN , CISFEMALE , SHE / HER → according to the school records , NATALIE LUCILLE BEAUSOLEIL has been attending sacred heart for the past three years . i last saw them hanging around the john bracken library ; i think they were working on writing her novel . at twenty - one years old , natalie has been studying english literature and get this , i heard that she’ll zone out while writing papers for class and come to surrounded by pages and pages full of archaic languages she doesn’t speak — figure it’s true ? everyone around here always associates them with a moonlight sonata echoing through empty halls , seats in the back row at the opera , and dead flowers pressed between the pages of an old book . in the time since these strange happenings , they have encountered unexplained occurrences .

HI , hello . i’m hannah n this is like . the only thing i’ve been thinking about recently , aka i’m so excited . ok anyway ! i’m 20 , kickin it in the est ! i’m a full time student ( majoring in being a dumb bitch n gay rights and i’m at the top of my class baby . . ) and i’m ALSO a preschool teacher so if i’m ever Not here , i’m with my babies ! ! but that isn’t the reason why ur all here . . ur here for an intro post ! so !

let’s talk abt my girl . . . 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay . so . first thing’s first . i have some Real Things prepared for my girl , including but not limited to :

a pinterest board !

a stats page !

and what i call NATALIE : A TRAGEDY IN THREE ACTS . it’s kind of a bio , mixed in with some stage directions here and there . it’s a quick read n rly gives you that Natalie Flavor if you know what i mean . . so if you feel so inclined n wanna take a look . . but full disclosure it rly does hit different than just reading this intro

anyway ! i’ll give a more condensed version of her bio here n some info abt her personality n some random headcanons . . etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈 : 𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright SO . our girl natalie was born on april 13 , 1952 to michel and colette beausoleil . it was a thursday , and it was ALSO eleven weeks before colette’s due date , so we all know that can’t be good

( spoiler alert : it wasn’t )

natalie was supposed to be a twin , but the other baby ( a boy named pierre ) didn’t survive . they didn’t think that natalie would , but she did ! unfortunately , her parents were too wounded by the loss of their other baby and it was all grieving and no celebrating .

also . there’s more info abt her parents n how they met in the bio but , a sparknotes version is that michel was a playwright in paris and colette was a ballerina / his muse and they rushed into a marriage

michel made it rly big a couple yrs after natalie was born and so they decided to use that $ $ $ to send natalie away to an expensive boarding school in london called our lady of sacred suffering . it was , of course , a catholic girls boarding school and natalie hated it there

but they hated natalie there bc she was just the WORST catholic school girl of all time , so it was mutual

meanwhile , her relationship w her parents is . . very complicated . her dad is just kind of The Worst across the board , very reliant on drinking , definitely got into drug use at some point , had lots of affairs with the young actresses in his plays . and colette was just . . very sad and very absent so the support was Minimal

natalie has a lot of issues that are all rooted in her childhood tbh .

somewhere along the way , she found a deep passion for Writing and developed this sense of purpose and for a minute things were going very well

which we all know means things are about to get WORSE .

on her eighteenth birthday , natalie receieves a card in the mail from her mother for the First Time Ever . and she immediately is like . huh . well . something is Wrong .

she’s right .

( tw : nondescript mentions of car crashes & death )

a week later , she receives word that her parents were involved in a serious car accident at the pont de l’alma tunnel in paris and her did not survive the accident .

( end tw )

her mother’s family is not convinced that michel should walk away from this without blame and decides to take legal action against him and get him convicted with a more serious charge than just manslaughter .

they promise to keep natalie out of it as much as possible but when it comes time to testify as to whether or not michel had a history of not caring about colette’s life and well - being , the only one who can speak to it is natalie .

so she testifies and it’s her testimony that is the metaphorical nail in the coffin .

( tw : suicide mention )

michel knows it , too . that’s what natalie thinks . he turns up dead in his jail cell the day before he’s supposed to be sentenced . she never knows if he deserved the life sentence he was going to be given .

( end tw )

so then ! she’s an orphan ! but she does gain control over everything that her parents left behind , which turns out to be a lot .

she sells their house in paris , goes to wales to begin university , and hasn’t gone back since then . but like , she grew up in london for the most part so she’s not exactly sad about being away from paris and all the ghosts there .

and now she’s at sacred heart , working on writing her debut novel , which is the ( albeit , dramatized and fictionalized ) story of her parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 : 𝑨 𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so basically , she’s got issues .

fictional character inspo includes : jo march , alaska young , cheryl blossom

if you know anything abt astrology . . she’s an aries sun , mercury , and venus . . and a scorpio moon and mars . . and a gemini rising . . i’m so sorry JKDSFM

she’s very emotional but does a super good job of hiding it and keeping all those emotions ( esp the intense n darker ones ) buried away . . deep down where no one could see it

the minute that ppl kind of ? ? but two and two together n realize who she is ( bc . . in my head . . her dad’s whole trial was kind of . A Thing that the public knew abt . ) they’re probably rly concerned w Little she shows any real emotion to the whole thing .

rly she’s just the queen of compartmentalizing n repressing !

she’s very . . Assertive . like , when she wants something she’s going to do whatever it takes to get her way

very Very reckless . she’s like . . so fucking impulsive that it physically Pains me sometimes .

she’s very smart but like . More So , she’s very clever and very sharp with her words . a very fast thinker and a very loud talker

someone please . . tell her to stop yelling . she needs to Relax .

she’s very charming i’ll say it . n like ? seems cool ? the kind of person that you meet and immediately want to hang out w them .

very flirty , has always used that charming smile of hers to get ppl in her corner and she’s not gonna stop now ! she’s very good at making ppl feel special

but like . she means well most of the time sdkfj her heart is in the right place okay

big time trust issues . big time commitment issues . painfully independent and refuses to let anyone know how much she cares about them until she’s like . . Really sure that they aren’t going to hurt her

also very afraid of hurting people , which is another reason why she struggles to get attached to people . she definitely has this deep - rooted fear that Bad Things follower her and she doesn’t want to drag ppl into that

it’s literally a toss - up as to whether she’s going to seem like she’s demanding ur attention or entirely disinterested in it . bc she’s all over the place .

but like . i’m an emotional BITCH so she’s probably going to end up being 100000% softer than i intend bc i project too much soft bitch energy onto my characters Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈 : 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so many things . literally , anything . just a disclaimer , if u read thru this and had An Idea then like . yes Pls tell me , i want it xoxo

but here are some i have up in the old . . noggin .

EXES . please , please . . for the love of GOD give me some angsty exes nonsense . do you need someone who broke ur characters heart ? consider natalie UR GIRL . she’s Emotionally Damaged and has the capacity to be the angstiest ex of all time , okay ?

give her a weakness . she needs someone who she’s Actually vulnerable around and actually sees her have emotions and knows she’s not just this huge Mess all the time

i rly want someone that is like . from the same ( ish ) bg as her in the sense that like . . they also were surrounded by nice clothes n expensive private schools n Luxury but like . they Thrive in it the way natalie used to wish that she could . n just . i think it would b a super interesting dynamic bc they would just ! clash ! so intensely ! ! n tbh nat would probably b lowkey jealous Still n . spicy !

@ all those ppl who are into theatre : i’m Dying for some connections of ppl who knew / knew of her father n would know what happened w him perhaps on a deeper level than ppl who read it in the newspaper a few yrs ago . . ( bonus points if they lowkey idolized / looked up to her dad bc thats a Big Mess and could b spicy as fuck to explore , u know ? )

idk if any of y’all have characters who grew up in / around paris ? but if there are . . then Perhaps someone who knew her in her youth ?

okay . not to be Trash but like . i rly want her to have a dynamic that’s jo x laurie adjacent ? do they have to be in love w her ? no ! i just want someone that has that genuine bond w her and they care abt each other n goof around n like . . i’m already getting soft on main , huh , ,

she’s soo fucking messy that like . . all the messy fwb / frenemies with benefits / one night stand type of plots . . yes pls

i always want there to b a badass girl squad like . a group of ladies n theydies that take no shit n get in fights for each other n rly truly ride or die w each other . . we can workshop the name ok but for now ? my girl squad is open for applications

okay . let me cut myself off right there but i’ll leave you with my WANTED CONNECTIONS TAG n also again i’m 10000% okay to just brainstorm out something else completely if its what ur feeling !

if u read all / any of this . . i love u . <3 either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm OR ! like this n i will come to u ! okay , that’s all , bye

#heretics:intro #part 1 part 1 !#im so sorry for this

5 notes · View notes

aelaer · 5 years

Text

Fic excerpt

Ahhh so you can actually thank @ironstrange-is-the-endgame for this (and another 1000 words) being written tonight. She reblogged that prompt writing month thing and because I wrote almost nothing in July, I thought I'd use the prompts as a way to choose sections on my 5 multi chapter WIPs to work on as many days in August as possible, as I was really stuck in July and I think this has been a way to get unstuck. Today (well yesterday at this point) it was hurt/comfort so near death recovery scene.

Characters: Stephen and Tony

Backstory: This is part of the sequel to the Stephen meets his villain counterpart AU (Within the Shadows). Sequel is 6k and won't stop growing so. Stephen and Tony barely know each other at this point. Stephen is recovering from a near death in a facility with Tony's tech.

Warning for: Embarrassing situation that might happen while recovering from near death. Nothing graphic but it talks about bodily functions and it's not like Stephen would shy away from it lol. But for any who might, this may not be for you.

Note: First draft, unbetaed and very likely to see tweaking and changes in the future. Concrit (esp on Tony's voice) welcome.

-----------

Stephen eyed his surroundings again and quickly focused on an IV pole beside the bed. It was no longer in use, but it would make do as a support quite well.

His hands were annoyingly shaking more fervently than usual as he found and pressed the button that lowered the bed rails (convenient); he then reached over and rolled the pole to his side.

Now all he needed to do was turn his body, plant his feet on the floor, and take a dozen steps to the toilet. Easy. This was going to be easy.

By the time he had had his feet on the floor, beads of sweat were beginning to gather on his brow and he was entirely unsure how much longer his body could hold on in more than one sense of the word.

He gritted his teeth; he was Doctor Stephen Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts and Guardian of the New York Sanctum, and he would be damned before he let something as trivial as a bodily function get the best of him. He grabbed the IV pole as firmly as he could in his right hand, ignoring the pain that shot up his wrist and forearm at the force, inhaled deeply, then exhaled as he brought himself to his feet. His left hand latched onto the pole as he steadied himself. The pain in his left shoulder, abdomen, and hands were firmly ignored as he began to put one shaky foot forward.

By the third step, he wasn't sure if he was going to make it before his legs gave out.

By the fifth step, he was pretty certain he was going to collapse in the next two steps, but at this point he was ready to crawl (with all the good that would do, which was no good at all— but he was too stubborn to turn back at this point. There was probably a sliver more dignity in being found in one's own urine trying to crawl to the bathroom than being found in a bed covered in it. Not much dignity— very little, to be frank— but he had little to lose at this point in this rather miserable experience).

As his leg really began to buckle uncontrollably after step six, there was suddenly someone at his side taking up most of his body weight, and a quiet, "I've got you. Keep going, you're almost there," helped spur him forward.

Then he was in the bathroom and the toilet and at that moment he had never been so grateful to be in a pantsless hospital gown in his entire life.

It was only after he was finished and he was making his way (being helped) to the sink that his weary mind realized that the person at his side was Tony Stark.

The water came on as he stuck his heavily trembling hands under the faucet. Stark held him steady. The soap was automatic, too; small mercies. Stephen took the time washing his hands to gather back some strength.

When he had enough to speak, he muttered, "I did not realize you were also a nurse in this universe."

"Found it helped build character," Stark retorted, but the tone was easy and non-judgemental.

Stephen swallowed and finally removed his hands from the water. Stark was ready with a towel. He carefully padded them dry, but otherwise his usual, ready retorts were dried away by the humiliating situation tempered by sheer exhaustion.

Stark filled in the silence. His light tone held a key of seriousness that Stephen could not quite interpret. "I took it up after Rhodey got paralyzed. Not full time or even part time, but sometimes he needed a friend and for whatever reason he doesn't blame me, though I'm partially to blame for all of it. I have no idea why I'm telling you this. Are you ready to walk again?"

He blinked, at a loss for words. "Yes," he finally answered, and he grabbed the IV pole as Stark helped him back to bed. When Stephen was laying down again and had recovered his breath, he said, "I was looking for a call button to get a nurse. Where are they?"

"One's asleep and I told the other to take a lunch. Midnight snack. Whatever." Stephen remembered Stark's words about keeping his being here on the down low and so did not ask about the limited number of nurses. Stark continued, "As for call buttons, we don't have them. I meant to tell you next time you woke up about FRIDAY, but I thought you'd sleep longer. Should've known better; doctors are supposed to be the most difficult patients, aren't they?"

"Funny," Stephen grumbled. "This may come as a surprise to you, but even doctors have only so much control over involuntary bodily functions."

"Like I said, difficult." Stark settled in the chair beside the bed. "Anyway, there's no call buttons because FRIDAY's here. She's an AI of sorts, helps run the place. Say hi, FRIDAY."

"Hello," came a female voice from the general direction of the ceiling (at least, he thought it was the ceiling, but he couldn't say he trusted his senses much currently). It was the same voice that he heard during his projection.

"She was the one who alerted me that you were awake. I was closer than either nurse, anyway. But you can ask her to get someone if you need assistance at any time."

"Useful," he admitted. "She sounds like a very advanced AI."

"The most advanced in the world," Stark answered, and the pride and fondness he had for his creation was clear in his tone.

-------

Sorry for the abrupt end but I'm not quite sure if I like the dialogue between them yet and haven't figured out where I want the conversation to go from here so there you have it. Yay wips.

#stephen strange #tony stark #mcu #fanfic #doctor strange fanfic #my writing #my wips

39 notes · View notes

greatrunner · 6 years

Text

The Edge of Seventeen, or “Adversity in the face of Apathetic Family”

[warning: article contains references to suicide and underage relationships]

Effectively, The Edge of Seventeen is about a girl who hasn’t processed the death of her father - one of the few people who seemed to give a shit about her - and lives with people who are more content to brush her behavior off as “teenage antics”, instead of trying to process what’s actually going on with her.

Her brother is so preoccupied with himself, he tries to blame his sister for not making active choices to further his education and his fear that their mother will commit suicide if he’s not around. Her mother is so self-absorbed and wallows in her own self-pity that she can’t even see her lack of support is probably one of the most devastating blows to Nadine’s emotional instability (next to her father straight up dying in the car next to her). The mother basically projects husbandary duties onto her son while also expecting him to take care of everything because she has ceased to function probably in the aftermath of her husband’s death.

On top of that, her brother (who is clearly older than her or anyone she hangs out) starts sleeping with her best friend. Her friend decides her brother is far more important to her than how her best friend is clearly not dealing what feels like a massive betrayal, but is quick to say that Nadine is the problem in the situation. She also decides to keep going over to Nadine’s house despite the marked problem Nadine has with her presence from thereon out.

One of the guys she likes (some bad-boy type) takes a mistake sext (she sent him on accident) too literally and attempts several times to initiate sex with her, but grows frustrated when he realizes she not interested in sleeping with him. He more or less powers through her admission that she simply wanted to get to know him with disinterest and annoyance.

And by the end of it all, Nadine is the one who has to apologize for her behavior, but no one she lives with or knows can do the same in kind for her (her brother’s actions certainly didn’t feel genuine to me).

Legit, the boy who liked her (Edwin) and the teacher (Woody Harelson) were the only people in the film who treated her like a human being and listened to her without babying her, or minimizing her problems. The caveat I have with the teacher is that he basically drives her to his house after she calls him from a fast food joint, then asks for her mother’s number. Weird.

Inter sped with non-dialogue sequences of Nadeine wandering the city on her own, contemplating the nightmare that is her life, I know a lot of it is played for laughs (esp. the bits where Nadine laments how much of an “old soul” she is because she likes “old music” and no one her age “gets her”). But, good god, this was like watching someone run through gauntlet and get beat upside the head until they were rendered comatose.

Like, Nadine is a poor communicator and indulges in self-loathing because she thinks she’s really worthless. She hates that she has to live with herself for all eternity. If anything, she can’t communicate what she feels outside of her disdain for the lack of respect she gets from her family and friends (this girl jokes about committing suicide on levels I don’t even think teenage me was capable of). The only buffer she had to deal with her depression were anti-depressants that were clearly not working for her. There was no therapy or talking on the part of anyone else.

Her family really did not try with her, and her brother embodies that lack of concern to a T in the speech he gives at the end of the movie (which is just one big guilt trip) which results in her complete break down, and that’s sad, honestly.

I think this was a fairly solid film, and an otherwise solid dramatized depiction of how things in a teenager’s life can concurrently go to shit without the slightest warning. But, it also embodies a lot of what I think is an adult desperately restraining themselves from screaming “get over it” at a teenager in emotional crisis, right down to the sunny ending with her best friend and her brother happily greeting her good morning.

Is that reflective of “real life”? I guess. I’ve had blows up with my family where I don’t think anything was ever properly resolved, but, we all went back to chatting and getting on like we accomplished something in that four hour fight.

So, yeah, after experiencing what was the lowest point of her life, and sussing it out with her brother (but not so much her mother, who thought the best way to discipline her was to take her belongings and sell them to goodwill), things will probably get somewhere close to “better” for Nadine. She actually has a friend who cares about her (Edwin), she realizes she needs to communicate better, and maybe there’s a chance that the people who were horrible to her learned they need to try and listen to her, not dismiss her.

The film wants you to consider the other points of view of characters like the best friend, the brother, the mother, but never does enough with the characters beyond making them as antagonists responsible for Nadine’s turmoil, to justify sympathizing with them at all.

The character you’ll end up siding with, without question, is Nadine, because the film cared enough about presenting Nadine’s arc with enough angles that sympathizing with her is second nature.

#the edge of seventeen #screenwriting #depression #greatrunners meta

15 notes · View notes

steverfan · 3 years

Text

Still waiting for evidence...

steverfan

This is a conversation that was cut off. I’m putting my reply here..

Italics is littlemissstark.

There are some interesting assertions here. Do you have any evidence?

How can u have a history of us imperialism where the us actively ravaged the Middle East and countries in the global south for oil and resources, refuse to allow those countries to flourish or even SURVIVE under the covid pandemic, and then be like ‘Steve Rogers was right in cw.’

You are aware that Tony Stark traveled to the Middle East to show off his Jericho missile and suggesting that the American military let one “slip off the chain,” right? Tony was the American imperialist for decades, making weapons to enable the U.S. to maintain military superiority in the Middle East and other countries that the U.S. exploited and continues to exploit. And Tony kept all of his blood money even after he started making his WMDs for his private use.

‘Governments have agendas’ tell me Captain AMERICA who has govt agendas?? Enlighten me.

If you think it is okay for private superpowered Americans to ravage other countries wearing their pretty little costumes and kill other people in the name of ‘saving the world’ with zero consequences, then you’re moronic. And so helplessly, stupidly American.

This is really funny, because Steve has rejected the American political and government structure in every movie he’s been in. It’s Tony who is Ross’s and the U.S. government’s lapdog. And it’s so amusing that you’re dismissing the fact that the Earth would be a wasteland if the Chitauri or Tony’s murder-bot hadn’t been stopped by the Avengers. The Avengers didn’t ravage anything or anyone, they stopped the invasions. It’s like you can’t tell the difference between the arsonist and the person putting out the fire.

Because NEWSFLASH, the whole concept of the Avengers is propaganda. Americans invade other countries in the name of ‘saving them’ when actually they’re killing innocent civilians with no impunity. Sound familiar?

The Avengers are killing innocent civilians with no impunity? Really? You are aware that if people die during a fire, the firefighters aren’t considered murderers, right? Or are you claiming that Iron Man was executing women and children in the streets?

Interesting how they made Tony Stark the villain for saying ‘hey how bout we don’t do that?’ And people hate him for it.

No, Tony Stark is a villain for being a hypocrite who tried to blackmail and guilt people into signing away their rights, then turned around and not only violated the Accords he claimed to support, but committed multiple additional crimes. Tony blackmailed Peter into becoming a child soldier, brought an unregistered enhanced across international borders without permission from Germany, the U.N., Secretary Ross, or even Aunt May. Tony shot unarmed people and shot Bucky in the back. Then Tony hid all those crimes rather than accept responsibility and face the consequences. That is why he is considered villainous.

And then people wonder why Tony Stark is beloved globally and Steve Rogers isn’t.

Evidence? Because the polls I’ve seen rank Steve Rogers higher, and Captain America merchandise sells far more than Iron Man.

littlemissstark

I’m not gonna argue with your dumb ass who doesn’t even crack open a history book to look up American imperialism. My country’s people are dying bc of america’s commitment to suffocating developing countries. Tony’s entire purpose as a character is to show someone who pushes for accountability because he recognized that he was wrong. I don’t need your patronizing ass to tell me who to consider a villain or not esp when Steve refuses to take responsibility for civilian casualties who are mainly poc and innocents from the global south. Also if Tony employed Peter as a child soldier , then how come Wanda isn’t considered one since y’all bend over backwards defending her and calling her a kid. Hypocrisy. Get off my post with your smooth brained ass, block me, and fuck all the way off with your MERCHANDISE STATISTICS FOR GODS SAKE. the jokes write themselves.

America’s commitment to suffocating developing countries was fueled by Tony Stark’s weapons for two decades. And Tony created EDITH, which violates everyone’s privacy and like Project Insight, will kill anyone anywhere at the user’s whim. That seems pretty imperialistic, don’t you think? Also, Steve was on ice, so it’s ridiculous to blame him for America’s actions when he was not there. Also note that the Avengers are not furthering an American agenda when they are saving people. Steve was right in Civil War because 1) You do not sign a contract you disagree with, especially one that strips people of their rights; 2) The Accords strip people of their rights. This is a bad thing and in violation of the Geneva Conventions and Declaration of Human Rights, along with many constitutions.

Tony’s entire purpose as a character is to show someone who pushes for accountability because he recognized that he was wrong.

Really? Because Tony’s arc seems to be pushing for consequences for everyone but himself. Did Tony not recognize it was wrong to blackmail a 15-year-old into becoming a child soldier? That is was wrong to lie to the child’s guardian about his intentions for the child? That it was wrong to sign the Accords, then violate them by going without permission to a country that did not give permission for him to be there, or even know he was there? To hide his crimes, rather than take accountability and face the consequences? And never did Tony admit he was wrong to force people to sign the Accords. He also decided that Ultron was a great idea, and that his “suit of armor around the world” was worth the loss of people’s “precious freedoms.” So while he may have decided to make weapons for himself in Iron Man 1 (rather than selling even more to the U.S. government), he hasn’t actually pushed for accountability or admitted he was wrong.

I don’t need your patronizing ass to tell me who to consider a villain or not esp when Steve refuses to take responsibility for civilian casualties who are mainly poc and innocents from the global south.

Evidence? Steve has only been awake for a few years and was working for either Shield or the Avengers. The person putting out the fire is not responsible for the fire, the arsonist is. In the same way, the people failing to stop the bomb are not responsible for the injuries caused by the bomb, the bomber is. Steve has never attacked civilians, unlike Tony, who fired his Iron Man weapons into a crowd during Iron Man 2. So you agree that Tony should have accepted responsibility for that, right? That he should have been jailed for endangering innocents?

Also if Tony employed Peter as a child soldier , then how come Wanda isn’t considered one since y’all bend over backwards defending her and calling her a kid. Hypocrisy.

You do recognize the difference between a young adult who is called a kid and an actual child, right? Peter is 15. It’s not hypocrisy to call him a child. Tony should never have gone near him, never threatened him with exposure, never taken him over international borders without permission and full consent from Aunt May, never violated the Accords by failing to register an enhanced person, never endangered him by putting him in a battle with trained fighters, and never hid the crimes Tony committed by involving Peter.

Also, no one is defending Wanda here, so your claim seems to be an attempt to avoid providing the requested evidence.

Get off my post with your smooth brained ass, block me, and fuck all the way off with your MERCHANDISE STATISTICS FOR GODS SAKE. the jokes write themselves.

You do recognize the irony of your statement, yes? You bulldozed your way onto someone else’s thread. So you really don’t have any standing complaining that someone asked you to provide evidence for your assertions. You don’t like my evidence, why not prove me wrong by providing your own? I noticed you still haven’t provided any evidence that Tony is “beloved globally.” Do you actually have any evidence? Or is this just another Tony stan head canon?

1 note · View note

puthyjuth · 4 years

Text

i feel like a cuntaroonie and im going back and forth abt feeling bad abt this cus yesterday after like half a year of trying to be understanding and mind my business i had a serious talk with my housemate/friend because her trauma response of screaming and yelling at both her partner and her cat for small things affects me & the house dynamic (especially with quarantine) like i feel so bad for her cat who keeps jumping and banging at the door. and if the screaming was like once every few months or once a month like ok whatever but sometimes its like everyday for 3 weeks

i am 99% sure she has bpd, which absolutely doesn’t make her a bad person i have close friends with bpd and i do research for myself thats why i notice the similarities in symptoms but she has 0 coping mechanisms except league of legends (she mentioned) and constantly projects onto everyone through passive aggressiveness, actual aggressiveness (SCREAMING, not yelling, but SSScreaming), pretentiousness, and being dismissive/belittling and has mentioned several times in the past & in the conversation she doesnt care to change

i was really conflicted if i should even tell her bc im not her therapist and i dont want to force someone to have a conversation about healing when they are not ready to but i realized i needed to tell her for myself and also honestly for the everyone in the house and ultimately for her bc no one around her tells her anything but it affects literally everyone including the cats which is a whole other thing but i feel like i need to overextend myself and also constantly tiptoe and feel uncomfortable every time i was outside with them bc of the unspoken tension

throughout the conversation i constantly reminded her that her anger & trauma response of screaming was not her fault because she has a LOT of trauma that was inflicted on her bc of her being a short pretty asian woman in a field of mostly cishet incel men and her bf is also one but she has some degree of control of how she responds to it like if she feels like yelling she can just yell or say that shes really upset and wants to be passive aggressive etc but i also reminded her its ok if you are not ready to heal & thats not what im asking of u

while she was being reasonably defensive when i mentioned specifics of when things stress me out bc im sure there are things i dont know behind closed doors, i still see when she screams at the top of her lungs at her cat for sniffing an empty clay pot and how she calls him pathetic and a little bitch and just being really mean to him in a serious tone (cats pick up/understand to a degree on human language & communication) and when i played with him for a bit he was extremely jittery and she blames her bf for things hes allowed to do

like idk if this was the right response to handle my emotions but i honestly have been bottling this shit up for months and probably for a while even before living with her without a way to explain it but its really too much sometimes bc its gotten so far that i feel like i need to micromanage her cat even though thats not something i actually want to do but hes treated so differently when everyones in the same room (shes nice to him) but alone i can hear her screaming at him for the smallest shit. cus idgaf abt her relationship w her bf & im not meddling but at the very least like dont traumatize your cat esp as someone that told me “wow you really dont know anything about cats, huh?” like... you’re so mean to YOUR cat...

i told her im not asking you to heal but the most superficial thing im asking is to stop screaming & being mean to your cat and also to remember that her trauma is not her fault & her feelings of extreme anger and the need to scream is not her fault. its not, and shes allowed to feel like this and none of this is her fault, bc she always thinks people are trying to blame her for all the problems when its not, its literally a culmination of a bunch of shit for if she ever feels ready to heal in the future

it’ll probably be awkward in the house for a while, but the biggest reason im doing this for myself cuz even beyond the screaming & passive aggressive remarks, her cat literally learned how to open doors just to meow and try to get into our room like all the time but also i really do genuinely care for her & i honestly dont think anyone else in her life is actually all that validating to her and it makes her anger even worse and i feel like no one actually tells her that its ok for her to be angry

#tw trauma mention

0 notes

println-archive · 7 years

Text

just saw tlj here are my thots

i’m going to start with why the writing itself is flawed before i get into more stuff that might seem objective

the plot is nonexistent unless you make the chase from the FO into the main plot in which case the main plot is weaker than finn and rose’s side plot which was also lets face it p weak as a sideplot-- comes off like the beginning of a movie where thats the main plot for the beginning, in fact the whole movie almost comes off like that!-- esp considering finn should be in the main plot considering hes a MAIN CHARACTER

none of the characters develop in any way or have faults addressed except for poe ignoring authority literally twice somehow making him hotheaded and sexist and even then it isnt addressed really, it falls into a weirdly recurring plot conclusion for this movie-- someone being knocked unconscious and the conflict never being addressed after that.

for a minute it looks like kylo might develop in at least some way at least the tiniest way but instead he reverts back to. exactly the same as he was for all of tfa-- bossy, torn but leaning into the dark, angry, avoiding addressing the past. all we get is some bullshit backstory which is. bullshit.

the plot with kylos backstory and lukes “darkness” is bullshit because it finds a way to blame luke for kylo turning when kylo went to forming a sith order and trying to kill people from seeing luke stand with a lightsaber-- but it’s his fault

also all of luke’s character plot is bullshit. they use his “darkness” or whatever that has developed between the og trilogy and now as a way to insert comic relief and choose to do only this. for a movie that’s supposed to be about luke (like how tfa was with han according to the writers) they really don’t address any of his character or luke’s descent into depression in any way. literally none of the plot has to do with luke as a person, he’s just. comic relief and then briefly villainized! (except for the yoda scene which. happened)

now onto the plot holes

firstly: can force ghosts even interact with people the way they have yoda interact with luke? i don’t think they can!

secondly: in kotor & novelizations it’s very hard to take apart a lightsaber once its made and because of the energy used to make one it’s easy to assume that if one ripped apart like in the rey and kylo scene that there would be an explosion or at least push of energy of some kind

thirdly: okay so rey’s parents are shown leaving on a nice spaceship and saying they’ll be back to jakku for her in a flashback in tfa, but yet they’re supposedly poor alcoholics who died on jakku. also apparently rey, who has never been a slave and lived like all the other residents of the jakku desert, was apparently sold. so the options here are rian is trying to act like everyone in that desert of jakku was a slave or they’re implying they sold in her in a sexual way which, considering she was like 8 or 9 is super gross.

now the racism

finn and rose’s set up is at least semi-rushed and seemed like a way to keep them out of the way of the main plot-- so it’s basically being used the way finnrose is in fandom as a way to keep rey from being tainted by a black man while also avoiding the gays (finnpoe) and simultaneously being a go to “im not racist” diversity card for the writers to pull. either that or the writers really want a love triange plot for rey because that’s not overdone ig!

poe is repeatedly injured for being a “hotheaded sexist” both of which are unfounded. he is semi impulsive once but even then really seemed to be making a calculated choice. and then he is sexist for not obeying holdo blindly when holdo is withholding information from her workers and is being ridiculously rude poe for all of her screentime-- but how dare he not immediately obey the white woman i guess!

finn knelling to hux is just an example of nazi/racist imagery being used to further the aesthetic of a movie without the humiliation of a black man (or the asian woman for that matter) ever being addressed

speaking of poe’s plot. they really wrote in a random white girl to take the general spot from poe so they could reduce his plot to some minor power struggle in hopes of distracting the audience from the fact that he isn’t involved in the main plot at all until the mutiny against holdo-- which leads to him being stunned by his mother figure (this is canon, in the novelization and according to one of the main writers, leia see poe as a son) so it’s cool for a white woman to harshly injure her son figure.

basically, it’s an example of white women being held up the pinnacle of political knowledge over men of color because of white feminism ignoring the way race is in every aspect of life!

and now my personal annoyances with the movie:

the fish nuns are never explained-- did luke just invade their home? do they coexist? do they work for him? how long have they been there? is luke enslaving them to work on his home? what??

chewbacca eats a porg which makes literally no sense when have we ever seen anyone eat an animal alien like name one time

the bad editing during the weird ass reylo skyping scenes-- makes it look like a fanmade video and makes the writing look even more lazy

shirtless kylo being used as a way to further the reylo agenda by humanizing kylo when the writers are basically just making it so the force is making him sexually harass her ig?

luke dies because he astral projected so hard which. seems impossible and just a way for them to kill him. i guess

LEIA FLYING WHEN WE THINK SHE DIED? what the fuck was that she just flies through the fucking air

dj being set up as a morally grey character but he never. really is. he looks like a morally grey character and then at the end he works with the FO i guess so he’s actually just an evil asshole with morally grey motivation! they ruin what could have been a really compelling side character!

and now the stuff i actually liked

ALL THE NEW ANIMALS!!!! esp porgs

hans dice

luke and kylo facing off was iconic

billie lourd’s character!

poe’s hair was great

the scenery for space las vegas was cool

holdo’s hair

#tlj spoilers //#sw discourse #star wars #long post

1 note · View note

whatyousaiddotcom-blog · 7 years

Text

SOME CORRESPONDENCE OF SC

Correspondence between SC and JM (a member of the accountability panel), November 2014

SC 11/29/14 to JM

Dear JM,

it was nice to see you other other day at the demo....im not exactly sure how to start this email but our exchange keeps repeating on me...so i thought i would write to you... i was a bit irrked that you seemed surprised that I said I was feeling quite shit and when you asked me whats up etc

I'm starting to think you have no idea what the impact the bloomsbury ten stuff has had on me... i wanted to write to you so you had some type of idea...

as Im sure your aware everything sparked up again recently ( it actually sparked up (intensely) again a few weeks before K’s piece of writing but i wont go into that here ). and there is now a name and shame blog doxing me and the others and accusing us of various crimes.

I know you have not partaken in this and even tried to calm thing down on fb at one point.... but it doesnt help and things are really bad.

there are a BUNCH of people who read our intervention letter who have grossly and purposely falsified what we originally wrote - you know many of these people - ( ie NBa, RA-D, P, STA, etc many others ) and im sure you have seen this stuff circulating recently and over the last few years.

they accuse us of at least these things:

- victim blaming

-denying it happened

-calling her a liar

- asking for more evidence

- asking about her sexual history

-bullying and harassing her

-saying it was her fault.

yet anyone who read / reads the original letter and who has basic comprehension skills can clearly see that none of these things happened. these are projections onto what we wrote and not our words at all. obviously we cannot even defend ourselves publicly to refute these malicious claims without picking over detail and i think no one thinks it would be appropriate or right to do this as both the first email and our response have details of …. This has left space for others to twist and turn and lie about what we originally wrote.

Im not saying you should agree with what we wrote or our intervention but seriously these lies about what happened are more than malicious and completely untrue. equally as for the claims that we were were hiding behind anonymity - we went to BOTH follow up meetings after we wrote the letter and everyone knew who we were - we also agreed to go to a third meeting but that never happened .... the only reason people have my name now is because i went to a meeting and made myself known like everyone else. i hardly think this is hiding ...

---

i want you to understand the effect this has had on me not just in the last month or so but over the last few years as well.

firstly i had so much self doubt to the point that i felt that i WAS a victim blaming rape apologist and that what we had written was of that effect. I had to read and re read what we wrote over a couple of hundred times ( and that is not an exaggeration ) - i have read it over and over to try and understand peoples accusations...finally in desperation I showed it privately to (redacted) who were not part of writing the original statement - from (redacted) to (redacted) - i showed it to very smart and honest people- EVERYBODY was fucking shocked at the way what we wrote had been interpreted. It is only with the most decontextualised and ungenerous reading of about one line that you could move to a victim blaming reading...... this response / projection is complete gas lighting and really hurtful and dangerous. ( esp for me as i have pretty serious mental health issues)

over the last weeks, basically after K wrote her piece, i repeatedly felt suicidal and got very very ill... al had to take time off to stay with me and look after me. I couldnt walk i couldnt eat and i couldnt sleep. i was completely haunted by the trial by social media ( i actually still am). and the very malicious smears against me and the others. I basically had a complete breakdown and had to be put in touch with a crisis mental health team and was very close to hospitalization.... and although i am on the mend now i am very far from being well and am dosed up to the eyeballs on meds and still have very low days. this has had an extreme impact on me.

Im not sure if you know this but i lost my father at the beginning on this year.... its really been the year from hell. I was just starting to recover from his death and then this stuff comes up and was the final straw and knocked me sideways...

many people of twiiter who tweet about this like its a fucking sport know not only that i lost my dad this year but that i have stress triggered mental health problems... this doesnt seem to stop them from massively false and malicious tweets. I have had PERSONAL abuse from R and there are a lot of men who have taken a delight in taking a stand against me ( victim blaming rape appologist ) and think its fine to stick my name on a blog and spread lies about me ( obviously i deserve it).....

to get proof of who was saying what I literally had to witness my own online abuse in real time as a live twitter feed - i had to screen grab the lot before people could deny or delete what they were saying or block me - please try to imagine what its like to photograph your own abuse as spectacle on twitter. ....

anyway i have proof of a lot of what and who has been saying what now...

----

to be honest im not even telling you the half of what has gone on , on the impact this has had on me and others and of how upset i am by the sheer dishonesty, cruelty and sadistic abuse that has happened. ontop of that no one says anything and people like RA-D, M and NBa and P go on as if nothing has happened.

---

i know you havent joined in in any of this and you didnt ask for it to happen. I have to be honest with you though - neither you , JB, SB, or MC [the accountability panel] have ever said anything and this really hurts. you were all part of the original group who wrote the letter and tried to sort things out.... no one has said anything and it has spiralled to the point that it has.... you all have been able to walk away.... it was very hard to have you bounce up to me at the demo and be surprised that i was not ok or ask why i was not ok.....

i am basically known on twitter as a rape appologist for things i haven’t done and haven’t said. have another look at what was written - we never disputed what [REDACTED] said once - we criticised the process as we said we didn’t think things were being dealt with in a serious or appropriate way - we NEVER disputed what she said or said it was her fault and we always said that it needed to be dealt with... its written in the statement which im sure you still have..

i dont really know why im writing this... i know you disagree with what we wrote - i disagree with what was originally written - but never did i think you were coming from a bad place - i know you were trying to do the right thing.... i feel like people assumed the very very worst of me and others and that it is grossly ungenerous and now is dishonest and cruel.

i dont know what to say really - im still not ok about any of this and now every time i go on social media or to a demo I must wonder if i must see people like RA-D. NBa etc acting like nothing bad has happened, acting like they are not abusive and dishonest and that there will be no repercussion for how they have treated me and others.

— ( screen grabs sent including death threat screen grab)

i have plenty more screen grabs that just a very very small selection..

(redacted)

if you think about it " pls remind me who im missing out"

he purposely left my name out ( he knew i was part of b10 ) then asked people to remind him of my name in the separate next tweet ... please run that around in your head and think about what that means and why he did that... he takes a massive pleasure in being purposely abusive to me personally... its a fucking sport to him..... and no body said anything.

———

sorry to keep emailing - only to say i probably have left my flat less than 15 times in the past two months / two and half months since this has kicked off.... im basically non functional and i spent about a month uncontrollably weeping for most of the time i was awake... quite literally - u can ask anyone from a to DG or MH to the crisis team or my dr - who took it in turns looking after me during the worst parts of it.

that i have to put up with abusive men like RA-D or women like NBa and P ( because i deserve it for being a rape apologist ) is beyond a joke.

you know very little about my life and nor does anyone else - i have NOT had an easy life , the statistical chances of me being relatively sane , functional and with a good post grad education are much less than 1 percent.

and now i have to put up with a bunch of very well educated privileged student activists who I know to have high comprehension and reading skills fucking lying about what i/others have written and done is a fucking joke.

and that they purport to do this in the name of countering gendered structural violence is a fucking disgrace.

JM 11/29/14 to SC

Hey S,

I had no idea it had gotten this bad and that it was ongoing.

DG mentioned some of this to me a few weeks ago but but then I had only seen a small amount of the backlash on M's facebook wall, which is what I responded to. It seemed like it had flared up around K's post but was beginning to die down. I don't use twitter that much, partly because of the irritating dogmatism and pernicious attitudes it seems to produce (case in point), so I hadn't seen any of the stuff on there. I either don't follow, don't know, or have stopped following the people you mentioned and have generally distanced myself from a lot of the left-crowd in the past year for a number of reasons - but partly because I find the language and mentality which seems to have developed so off-putting that I no longer feel a part of the same discourse - the result is that I'm perhaps more out of the loop than you were aware.

Whatever type of anarchism it is that justifies this kind of behaviour I don't want any part of, and can't think of anything more willfully destructive than posting people's names on the internet or threatening people with violence. I can understand why [REDACTED] is angry about what happened but I can't for the life of me understand how this will help anything beyond a misplaced desire for arbitrary retribution.

You know my feelings about what was written, but as far as I'm concerned it is in the past. I'm sure that if we could go back in time everybody would have gone about things differently on all sides. What matters to me is where people's heart is - I have no doubt whatsoever that people like yourself and MH are good people with the best intentions. I wouldn't maintain the fondness I hold for both of you if I didn't. JBR and some of the others I'm less sure about - there are some good parts to him, but I don't trust him enough to be as close as I once was; being polemic or 'critical' often seems more important to him than generosity of spirit, and he can consequently be quite nasty to people with very little reason. He is far better at sowing division than anything else. I think RB is a good man but sometimes lets his friendship with JB cloud his judgement, as it did mine at points in the past. I certainly don't harbour ill will towards him, even if I felt initially hurt by him, and I'm sad we're not as close to each other because of all this stuff - I feel like I lost an important friend. I haven't come across RL in the past few years but I'd like to hope we'd be able to clear the air one day if we did cross paths. I've never had any reason to doubt she's a lovely person who got caught up in an extremely difficult situation and any hostility she expressed was an understandable product of that.

As for now, I don't think anybody has any answers to this stuff and if we're going to come up with anything of meaning or value it will require thinking through the kind of criticisms K made in her post, many of which are inarguable. At the same time we can't just ignore issues when they arise for the sake of convenience. Unfortunately the political climate seems completely anathema to learning anything productive from what has happened and looks to bully people (how much easier) on social media instead - hence my increasing sense of frustration with the 'scene' and my desire to become more distant from it.

I haven't been staying silent because I'm okay with what's happening - I simply haven't encountered it except on M’s facebook wall, where I intervened accordingly. If this starts to happen again send me a message and I will offer whatever weight I have as someone who criticised the original statement. I'm wary of putting something up out of the blue lest it simply stir the whole thing up again, but if others are doing that anyway let me know.

I hope you're doing okay. if you want to have a drink and chat about any of this or life generally just drop me a line.

J x

Correspondence between SC and JM (a member of the accountability panel), April 2015

to JM

and are any other accountability group members coming to the meeting?

JM 4/26/15 to sc

Yep that's fine for me - as to the others I don't know, I prodded them the other week but no one replied. I think I'm right in saying that no one was opposed to talking on principle but that there were reservations about it being a larger meeting, what the objective was, how it might be framed etc. If we're going with the 6th then I'll send a message and see what they say.

SC 4/26/15 to JM

no one is going to frame anything .i have always been open with you about my thoughts on this...i think its better for all of us that other people, who are wise and have good politics esp gender politics... are there to advise us all.... i would like people to stop abusing me for stuff i havent done, written , said thought, think etc.. i dont think its a big ask for the group to come considering they were at the heart of the process. i know none of them have been abusive towards me... however they were intitated a process that has become way out of control...i think people need to face up to what has and is happening in an honest way. as i have said many times i have evidence of people smearing me and abuseing me online. there is a very male core to alot of this abuse. i need to make this stop. my endurance for this has run out and its making me exreamly ill. please communicate to the the seriousness of this situation.

and apart from myself i ( unlike all the liars say) worry a great deal about [REDACTED]..I am totally unable to approach her to try and get aid with resolution for her, which she clearly needs.

basically JM i am not despite what many people write about me online , some type of evil bastard and neither is anyone else. the way we have been and are being treated is unjustifiable and it needs to stop, be confronted and people need to take responsibilty for their actions. i am sick of being hounded online and being villified to a large invisible audience. i am sick of people justifying their abuse cos they think i deserve it. - that actually is victim blaming and it needs to stop.

SC 4/26/15 to JM

i have a folder with 6 months worth of abuse - which is about 300 tweets, thats is just a tiny tiny percentage of what has been going on. within this folder i have a sub folder of people joking about putting me in a black bin liner, stabbing me, glassing me and saying that i should be killed. when are people going to wake up?? i am a real person, this has a real imapct on me. i suffer real mental health issues, which are classed as a severe disability. do u understand that if i have a sever breakdown i have zero garentee of " coming out" of a psycotic state? have you any idea what it is like to live with that thought?

how can i get this into peoples heads here??? i have STRESS TRIGGERED PSYCOSIS. - i cant really understand how this cannot at least move people to take some kind of action? or is it that they think that cos i am a " victim blamer" ( which i am not ) that i should just suffer the abuse that i am receiving?

do they need doctors notes? i have access to 18 years worth. i am not making my health problems up....

SC 4/26/15 to JM

do u realise that this is not going to go away? i cant live like this.

they cant justify their abuse. because thats what it is.

SC 4/26/15 to JM

i hope that all of you in the accountability group will stop not see this as an attack on you all and start to face up to what is actually going on here. i incuded people like np, tz and dg on the list becuase i am hopeing that you might talk with them and listen to them about this, you all clearly have zero respect for me and dont believe me.. but myabe you will listen to them? some other perspectives?

JM 4/27/15 to SC

I don't think I've given you any reason to feel I have zero respect for you, Sophie, or the others. I'm coming to the meeting - I'm just relating as best I can what other people feel. I understand their caution, and I can't force them to do anything. I will say that I worry about seeing me or the others as the solution to this - ultimately it isn't coming from us, and none of us share personal relationships or even a political outlook any more with the people involved. To me this is exactly the problem with abandoning the notion of being part of a community with obligations to each other, and what happens if there's no process in place that can bring closure to a problem - which takes us back to the original disagreements I suppose. This was an issue whether anyone wanted to address it or not.

SC 4/27/15 to JM

No one expects any forcing. Some of those in the accountability group are pretty close to some extremely abuseive people. I find it abhorrent. Maybe JB MC Sb etc might well talk to them off social media? I don't know really. It seems odd that a group of people who used to be my friends and who profess to want to deal with gendered violence just shrug their shoulders and say this is a consequence of what u wrote. Or something similar. I have pointed out a number of times how what we wrote has been undeniably and maliciously distorted - and then this distortion used as a pretext for abuse. I m not the only person who think this, I have shown the text to NP, MV, TZ, DG and other people I trust and asked them to read it for the things that we all have been accused of, (redacted) and said that I would apologies if it had blamed her, I lost complete trust in my own capacity to have faith in my own motivations and actions. That is actually gas lighting. Ikon wits not coming from u ( well I actually have at least one horrible grab from SB) but a lot of it is coming fro. People who were on that list or went to the meetings. Plenty people are making excuses for all this is more than shocking... It's like some bastard of Lord of the flies and the Salam witch trails on acid. I have men beating up on me online for things they know I haven't said. And even if I had said them it would still be unjustifiable.

SC 4/27/15 to JM

JM I'm sorry I'm a 35 year old working class woman with severe mental health problems. I was (redacted) and had (redacted). Before I went to university, at 25 my life was spent in (redacted) institutions and women's (redacted). Against statistical odds of probably less than one percent I have a post grad and had hoped to do a PhD. My life was for the first time on 30 years starting to settle. This is ruining me. It's making me ill. I have these disgusting middle class pricks hounding me online for sport and cred. I'm not MH and I'm not JBR and this b10 stuff does not play out in an equal way for us all. For me it is extreeamly traumatic due to who I am and the life that I have lived. As I told you it's making me ill, I am extreeamly lucky I haven't ended up in hospital. Please take time to get educate yourself about schizo effective effective disorder and its relationship to stress.

I hope that the other accountability group people will come to the meeting and stop being complicit and cowardly.

SC 4/27/15 to JM

I am hoping for some type of collective process or intervention. If this doesn't happen I am forced to take matters into my own hands alone to stop people abuseing me.

JM 4/27/15 to SC

I think it's best I just relate the things you're saying to me directly to the others because, as I've said, I'm coming to the meeting.

Are you alright with that, and if so, is there anything from this thread you'd want me not to pass on?

JM 4/27/15 to SC

to be clear I mean just c/ping the above so they can hear it themselves and decide accordingly. I don't think I can be any more use as a go-between now

SC 4/27/15 to JM

If you think it will help I suppose you should. Please do not copy sections but the whole exchange. I feel angry that I am I a position where I must disclose the shit life I have lived. And which still makes me feel a great deal of shame. At least maybe I won't have to go over it in A meeting publicly.

If I find that anyone had forwarded my email exchange beyond people who were in the accountability group I will be more than angry. Equally if it is subject to gossip or distortion on or off social media and I shall be more than upsset.

Thanks for trying to help.

Correspondence between SC and ZB (who had acted as a representative of [REDACTED] during the accountability meetings), October 2014

HI ZB,

I am writing to you as I have been told by people that we have in common and that i trust that you are solid feminist with good politics. I will try to keep this brief. i am not sure how much you are aware of what has been going on recently and for years. I do not have the energy to go over all of it.

The situation cannot go on as it is. I am getting very ill, I have sever stress triggered schizoaffective disorder. I have lost my father this year too. I have comrades and my partner caring for me, so don't worry about that.

I am worried about [REDACTED]. ( not [person with same initials] the other one )

here are some of her tweets, i have a million more, this is a random selection. I have seen worse.

— ( screen grabs of [REDACTED] and other actors)

there are a lot of lies being peddled here. Of course i would be extremely angry too i if i thought anyone had denied my suffering and my experience, victim blamed and asked me to evidence it. ( actually the position that i am in now )

there are a network of actors here, between me and you and her, who have deliberately falsified what we originally wrote and did and have done since. I think they do this to make a political point and to normalize a certain political practice. They can all read well. Im sure a;lot of them have read the original text that was written ( i have attached it here along with my own writing ).

The ONLY reason myself and others have not defended ourselves in a public way is because we am worried about [REDACTED] safety and sanity . I cannot be a punch bag for these people. they are not her friends/ comrades either and not helping her at all. I feel she needs support but i cannot approach her.

There are a host of people getting a lot of pleasure out of all of this. I have screen grabs of the lot. in amongst them hide some very abusive men. I have hard evidence of men abusing me on twitter and using [REDACTED]’s trauma as an excuse to do so. there are a bunch of women too who have played a very big part in escalating this to the situation as it currently manifests. I have had to witness all abuse play out as a spectacle on twitter. I have ( had to ) screen grabbed the lot.

I am not asking help with anything other than a good support network for her. I feel that she is surrounded by some very dubious people, with bad politics and ethics. People who call themselves feminists and communists, who are so far away from that its unreal.

I am sorry to pull you into this but i am worried that lives are at risk. i know you have just had a baby ( congratulations) and i imagine you are time short and tired. If you can think of any thing that might help please let me know.

Solidarity,

ZB 10/13/14 To SC

Hi S. I will use the form on the tumblr to ask for it to be taken down. I don't know who is running it, I was only aware of it after A told me about it yesterday. I have no reason to think that whoever is behind it will listen to me but I will message them.

I have not seen [REDACTED] for almost a year, nor am I able to spend much time on anything political at present as I'm heavily pregnant. Beyond messaging the blog post there isn't anything else I can do at present.

SC 10/13/14 to ZB

Ok thanks for writting back. I worry for [REDACTED] I really do . Her identity seems very invested in all of this persecution and lies. I don't know how aware she really is in all of this or how much she has been gas lit by others. I am sure you can read and I sure you can see that we never blamed her nor ignored or denied that it happened or her trauma. We disagreed and intervened in all of it that is for sure - we disagreed with how the process was manifesting. but none of us have ever bullied her denied that it happened or asked her for more proof or any of those vicious claims that are currently circulating .

Anyway thanks for your solidarity and for writing to the blog. I wish you luck with your pregnancy. X

Sent with one hand

4. Correspondence with an email list including JM from accountability panel, March 2015. This correspondence took place around DG’s banning from Goldsmiths Occupation. DG was not part of B10.

SC to List

sorry but this is not going away.. - an argument about safer spaces - will NOT sort this out!

this is too much bs, i need some support i want to confront this its a pack of fucking lies i am sick to my teeth of this.. i want to call it...it absolutely needs to stop and be put right.

J M - YOU WERE IN THE ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP WHICH HAS BEEN COMPLETELY QUIET.!!!.... you need to meet with me and others and this needs to stop! im AM SICK of people spreading lies about me and others and abusing ME AND MY COMRADES on the web for things that were not said and done! I do not give 2 fucks about what any1 thinks the b10's intentions were.... i know what we wrote and what was said in the meetings after.. i also have a ton of screen grabs about all the malicious lies been spread about us...

i have cc'd Ad. into this who has been purged from SF. i hope he will help us sort this out. MB and U and J all vouch for him.

i CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE. IT NEEEDS TO BE PUT TO REST!

MB 3/28/15 to SC, kD, AL, B, AS, D, CB, DG, JM, JBR, AP, Ad.

Fucking right!

Apparently people have walked out of the occupation due to this, it wasn't democratically agreed upon at all. the occupation statement and the people behind it are fucking idiots.

JM [accountability panel] 3/28/15 to SC, kD, AL, B, AS, D, CB, DG, JM, JBR, AP, Ad.

Oh for fucks sake.

Alright, I've replied with this for now.

"I don't know where you have got your information from but as someone who was involved in trying to address the situation you're referring to I want to make it absolutely clear that DG had nothing to do with the B10 statement, and was nothing but helpful to me and others throughout the process. I can't see how suggestions to the contrary can be justified. Banning him or anyone else from giving talks runs counter to everything that was trying to be achieved at that time. For people with no knowledge of what you're referring to it also reads like an extremely serious implication about DG. Please don't put out statements like this without contacting people who actually know about the circumstances, and respect the spirit of their intentions. Get in touch with me or anyone else who was involved if you want to talk about this more, but I strongly suggest you remove this statement and cease implying falsehoods about DG, whether you want him to speak at Goldsmiths or not."

SC - I can only respond to what I see, and have done so when directed to obvious bullshit like this.

AP 3/28/15 to SC, kD, AL, B, AS, D, CB, DG, JM, JBR, AP, Ad.

Authoring the thing 'Bloomsbury 10' was so ridiculously stupid. It just sounds so ominous for anyone who hasn't a clue what this is about. I think those involved who havent come forward and defended themselves in writing should probably reconsider as this obviously isnt going away.

SC 3/28/15 to kD, AL, B, AS, D, CB, DG, JM, JBR, AP, Ad. AK

All, JM,

I really do appreciate that you have made a clarification about DG.. however this for me does not cut it at all as it does NOT address the false claim against b10.

to go over this again, the claims are based on the letter that we wrote to the email list, which i attach again, with my underlined parts.

the claims that are made against us that i have screen grabs of, are :

- we victimed blamed and are rape appologists

- that we harrassed [REDACTED] and made her life hell in the ensuing years

- that we hid under a cloak of anonimity - ( WE WENT TO 2 FOLLOW UP MEETINGS in the following week - making it obvious who we were and what we wrote)

- that was said she was lying / making it up / said it was her fault

PLEASE READ WHAT WAS ACTUALLY WRITTEN ON THE STATEMENT!!!!!! IT IS ATTACHED!!!!!

to make this really clear pls read what i wrote in another p[rivate email to a member of sf earlier this month in regards to this letter:

----

I am prepared to take responsibility and argue over the contents of a letter i help write, discuss what it means, and the impact of it and its context... i am not prepared to accept falsifications of what was written, nor projections onto it by others of any inherent meaning or imagined bad motivation or intention.......

for example, i think a reading that is used to justify a lot of the victim blaming label attached to me ( and others ) in relation to the letter ( which after all started all this off more or less) logically works like this:

the first move is to take a single paragraph out of the context of the whole document ( i mean the paragraph that mentions the accountability panels omission of the discussion of knife play - i think this section is what cause most but not all of the accusations of rape apologia and victim blaming etc)

the second move is then to do two things with the de-contextualized paragraph:

1) make it stand it and negate every other written word on the b10 letter

2) and importantly then make the following argument:

something like ".. any mention of the context of the knife is TANTAMOUNT TO VICTIM BLAMING...." ... the claim is, the context of the knife is both irrelevant and at the same time any mention of it would only (be to) discredit her account...

er hello???? why do THEY think it discredits her account... (this is not what we ever said..we did however write that we fully acknowledge her account, this it needed serious responses which had already started, wanted dialogue and a different way of dealing with / you can read those sections i have highlighted them).. ..... this last move.. ( the context is discrediting) is their ( very troubling) projection onto what was intended, meant written, etc etc

im sure you see my point.

please think about the logic of that move....it is very odd and dubious....

-----

the accountability panel were criticised. NOT [REDACTED]!

when is this going to be put to rest..... THE ACCOUNTABILITY PANEL have said NOTHING.. for 3 years!!!!!! THIS IS TOTALLY UNFAIR.

you and others may disagree with me / b10 questioning and disrupting the process. BUT NOT BY FALSIFYING WHAT WAS WRITTEN>

I have had to put up with 3 YEARS of gaslighting me, having "anarchist" men abusing me personally, of being doxed online. I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. THIS HAS TO STOP> THIS IS NOT A SAVE DG’s REP CAMPAIGN>

i want a meeting with you JM JB MCe and SB and TJ [all the members of the original accountability panel] and you were ALL in the process and have said NOTHING ABOUT ANY OF THE FUCKING LIES AND ABUSE BEING LEVELED AT ME AND OTHERS.

i am sick of this its BULLSHIT.

i spent 4 years of my fucking life in a (redacted)l. i have a locked and hidden social media account FOR A REASON. I WANT THIS SORTED OUT AND THE TUMBLR DOWN.

0 notes