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sethsclearwater · 2 years ago

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synopsis: paul breaks up with human!reader after shifting only to imprint on her the next time he sees her.

warnings: smut at the end, paul being a soft-ish dom bc he feels bad, implies that reader is drinking and/or smoking weed in the beginning (reader and paul are both 21+ in this!!)

notes: cassie from “hot head” makes an appearance in this lol

word count: 3.68k

…

you had been dating your now ex-boyfriend paul lahote for nearly 3 years when he spontaneously broke up with you one gloomy tuesday morning over text. it came out of nowhere and he didn’t offer much of an explanation aside from the fact that he needed space from you to clear his head and focus on himself.

as one would expect, you didn’t take it very well and spent the next 48 hours inside your apartment attempting to numb all your emotions with any kind of substance you could get your hands on. by some grace of god, you’d managed to resist the urge to make a fool of yourself and show up at paul’s place and bitch him out.

after about 2 days of wallowing in your sorrows, your friends had managed to convince you to go out with them, saying going out for drinks and some dancing would be good for you to get your mind off him for a while.

so you (very begrudgingly) went with. your friends had dressed you up in a pair of daisy dukes and a borderline lingerie lace top before agreeing you were going to be the best-looking person at the club.

once you guys got to the club, you and your friend cassie had taken a seat at the bar while the rest of your friends immediately got out on the dance floor after all of you took your first shot of the night together, “you feeling okay?” she asked softly, offering you a sad smile, knowing how much pain you were in.

you shrugged, taking a sip of the fruity drink cassie had ordered you just a few minutes prior, “i guess.” you responded, not particularly interested in delving into your feelings over the whole thing, knowing you’d just end up being a mess if you talked about it for too long.

she nodded, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze, “well i can stay with you tomorrow if you want some company. i’m not working or anything.” she offered and you nodded, happy to have someone with you so you could at least try and numb your mind for a little while.

“that would be great.” you responded softly. you quickly changed the topic to the new guy she had been seeing, talking about him for a good 30 minutes or so while you let the alcohol kick in. the conversation didn’t last much longer though because you spotted jared cameron entering the club out of the corner of your eye.

you had only spoken with him a few times but knew he was one of the people in paul’s new group of people. cassie seemed to notice too and she let out a groan, “you’ve gotta be kidding me.” she whined, both of you looking over to see none other than paul lahote walk in a few moments later, looking arguably more miserable than you at the moment.

the two of you made eye contact for a brief second before you pulled your gaze away, looking back over to cassie who was grumbling something about going over there and starting a fight, “jesus christ does he ever stop staring?” she groaned and you couldn’t help the giggle you let out when you realized she was talking about paul who was apparently burning holes in the side of your head with the way he was staring at you.

“oh fuck they’re coming over let’s move-” she started, quickly hopping off the barstool and grabbing your hand, tugging you into the crowd of people on the dancefloor.

you giggled, the alcohol helping you feel way better about the situation, and happy to know paul looked more hung up over it than you were, “where are they?” cassie asked, both of you spinning around to try and find out where all the boys had moved to.

you couldn’t really see anyone so you just shrugged, “we should totally go back to the bar and make them miserable.” she said suddenly and you couldn’t help the giggles that spilled over your lips at the idea, loving the idea of taking some of the power back and making paul grovel.

cassie grabbed your hand, tugging you back to the bar so the two of you could take seats at the barstools, “more shots?” she asked you and you giggled, nodding as she ordered 2 more shots for the two of you.

as the two of you took another shot, you saw embry call coming over with a smile on his face. you’d always been fond of him and you knew cassie had a massive crush on him so he was somewhat welcome company. you made sure to remind yourself that he was one of the people that had presumably encouraged paul to break-up with you as he got over to the two of you.

“y/n! cassie!” embry exclaimed, pulling you into an awkward hug from your seated spot on the barstool, “how are you? i heard about everything.” he asked softly, squeezing you extra tight for a moment before releasing you so you could respond to him.

“‘m okay.” you explained, offering him a small smile, “i miss him but i’m okay.” you clarified, doing your best to not let your emotions get the best of you, figuring that paul was within earshot even though you couldn’t see him.

“did he tell you anything?” cassie asked embry, impatiently waiting for his response as she ordered yet another round of shots for all 3 of you.

embry shrugged, “i think he regrets it if that helps anything. probably gonna come over here and talk with you soon just as a heads-up though.” he explained and you and cassie both burst into a fit of giggles over how stupid it was.

“are you serious? he broke up with me over text and immediately regrets it 2 days later? that is the most paul lahote decision i’ve ever heard of.” you giggled, rolling your eyes at the stupidity of the whole thing. embry just chuckled, nodding in agreement.

“tell me about it.” he rolled his eyes, “make him beg for it though, would you?” he asked teasingly and you nodded, pulling him into a hug before letting him go so he could hug cassie.

cassie was beaming at you over his shoulder, “you mind if i steal cassie for a dance?” embry asked you teasingly and you shook your head, smiling at the two of them.

“‘course not. have fun cassie.” you giggled when she smiled at you, quickly taking embry’s hand and dragging him onto the dancefloor.

you relaxed against the bar, sipping at your drink as you patiently waited for paul to get the nerve to come over and talk to you. considering how cocky he normally was, you expect the wait to be much shorter than it actually ended up being.

about 10 minutes later you saw him get up and head over to you, only taking a few moments before he was standing in front of you, “paul,” you said casually, looking up at him as you sipped at your drink.

“i’m sorry.” he said softly, eyes softening as he scanned your features.

you sighed, not particularly interested in caving so quickly, “you’re sorry?” you asked nonchalantly, stirring your drink as you waited for him to respond.

he nodded, “really sorry.” he said softly and you giggled, shaking your head at him as you set your drink down on the bar behind you, grabbing your phone to pull up the text he had sent you 2 days prior.

“you said, and i quote, ‘i know this isn’t what you want to hear but i can’t have you talking to me ever again. i’m not good for you and need to focus on myself.’” you read the text before locking your phone and setting it back on the bar as you waited for his response.

he looked like a deer caught in headlights, clearly not sure what to do, “so you break up with me, over text might i add, after dating me for 3 years, and then change your mind less than 3 days later and expect me to just take you back? do you think i have zero self-respect or something?” you asked, raising your eyebrows at him, allowing him a moment to think about his response.

he sighed, “can you come back to my place? i promise i can explain-” he started and you shook your head, not having any interest in going back to his place.

“i’m not going anywhere with you lahote.” you rolled your eyes, “and fucking me isn’t gonna make me magically change my mind about how i feel about you spontaneously breaking up with me after a 3-year relationship.” you added casually, grabbing your drink to take another sip of it.

he sighed again, “i’m not trying to fuck you. i promise - i just - please? i can explain if you just come with me.” he said, sounding more desperate and frustrated than you’d ever really seen him before.

you couldn’t deny the way your heart was tugging at you, begging you to go with him, “fine.” you conceded, “but i swear to god if you put your hands on me when we get there i’m leaving.” you added, grabbing your phone and hopping off the barstool to go to his car.

“i won’t.” he reassured, he followed you out to his car, only placing his hand on your lower back for a moment to help guide you through the crowd of people before removing it.

once you got into the car and he started driving back to his place, you broke the silence, “so what the fuck is wrong with you?” you asked, looking over at him, the alcohol giving you a little more courage to be bolder with him than you normally would’ve been, “like seriously? a text paul? we dated for 3 years and you break up with me over text?” you added and he just sighed.

“‘m sorry it was a mistake.” he explained softly, clearly doing his best to not add fuel to your fire.

“‘s a fuckin’ dumb idea is what it was.” you grumbled, leaning away from him so you could rest your head against the window as he pulled up to his apartment complex.

lucky for you, he shared an apartment with embry who was still at the club so it sounded like you two would have the space to yourselves to duke it out.

the walk into his apartment was silent, you only breaking the silence once paul had closed the door behind him, “this better be a good explanation.” you said, leaning up against the island in his kitchen as you looked him up and down dramatically.

he sighed, running his hand through his hair as he tried to figure out how to explain himself to you, “you know about the quileute legends right?” he asked and you nodded slowly, not totally sure where he was going with this.

“like how we used to be able to shapeshift into wolves?” he asked and you scrunched your eyebrows together, nodding.

“okay i swear to god if you’re about to gaslight me into thinking you’re a werewolf-” you started, leaning off the counter, about to head out when paul grabbed your biceps, stopping you from moving.

instead of shoving him off of you, the two of you paused for a moment, just taking each other in, “i’m not lying to you. can you just-” he started, letting out a sigh, “can you just sit down and i can show you?” he asked, a hint of desperation in his voice and you slowly nodded, taking a seat at one of the chairs at the kitchen table once he released you.

you watched him wearily as he pulled his shirt off, dramatically covering your eyes when you realized he was most definitely stripping in front of you. you swore you could hear him sigh at your drama, but as soon as you lowered your hand there was a wolf about two times the size of you standing in front of you.

you froze, not at all sure what the hell was going on, just staring at him. from his eyes you could easily tell it was paul, watching as he laid down at your feet, resting his head on his paws.

“what the fuck…” you groaned, wondering how the hell you missed that your (ex) boyfriend was a massive werewolf, “okay, fuck,” you groaned. “i believe you.” you sighed, getting up to get yourself a glass of water to calm yourself down while paul shifted back to his human self.

when you turned back around, paul was leaned up against the kitchen island having just pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, “so you broke up with me because you’re a werewolf?” you asked, sitting down at the kitchen table again, looking up at him.

he nodded, “sam said i couldn’t tell you.” he explained, pulling out the chair next to you so he could sit beside you.

“and now you can because…?” you trailed off, not sure why sam uley suddenly changed his mind less than 3 days after he supposedly told paul to cut you off.

“you’re my imprint.” he explained and you groaned, vaguely knowing what he meant from the few council meetings you had attended where they went over the legends.

“so you broke up with me, your supposed soulmate, over text might i add, and only realized it once you actually imprinted on me? how shitty is that?” you started, rolling your eyes as you took a sip of your water, “i knew i’d love you for the rest of my life before you imprinted on me. i didn’t need you to imprint on me to know that.” you added, frowning at him as your eyes welled with tears.

you forced yourself to drink more water so you could get rid of the tears as quickly as possible while you waited for paul’s response. his eyes just softened as he watched you, “i’m sorry.” he murmured, “believe me i didn’t want to break up with you.” he explained.

you just sighed, slumping back into the chair, “of course you didn’t.” you grumbled, taking another sip of the water, “so you’re now stuck pining after me for the rest of your life?” you asked him, smiling a bit to yourself when he nodded.

“you know how fucked up it is that i can’t even stay mad at you because of this stupid bond you got us both in now?” you asked, no real malice in your voice, instead just a bit of sadness.

paul frowned, “‘m sorry.” he murmured again, “i would say i wish it wasn’t you but that’d be a lie.” he added softly and you sighed, bottom lip warbling as you took in his words.

before he could see you burst into tears, you set the glass of water down and quickly climbed into his lap, wrapping yourself around him and hugging him tightly to you as you sobbed into his shoulder. it took paul a moment to register what you’d done but when he did, he quickly slid his arms around you, holding you close to him, and gently ran his hands up and down your back soothingly, wordlessly comforting you.

“‘m so sorry princess.” he murmured against your hair as your sobs died down after a few minutes. you sniffled, holding him close to you and you focused on attempting to even your breathing out and calm yourself down enough to talk to him.

“you’re okay, you’re okay.” paul cooed, pressing his lips to your hair as you took some deep breaths.

“i love you.” you whispered, whimpering as you looked up at him and cupped his face in your hands, “please don’t make my hurt heart like that again.” you added softly and he nodded.

“promise i won’t.” he murmured and you pressed your lips to his, holding him close to you as the two of you melted into the kiss.

paul slid his hands down to your hips as you knotted your fingers in his hair, only parting a few moments later when you needed to catch your breath, “i want you to stay here tonight.” he whispered and you nodded, pressing your lips to his again as he picked you up and carried you to his bedroom, kicking the door closed behind him before laying you down on his bed.

you whimpered, tugging him down on top of you, quickly running your hands under his shirt and across his abdomen. he ran his hands down your sides, tugging your shorts off and sighing when he saw how good you looked in just the lingerie top you were wearing.

“fuck me,” he groaned, carefully taking it and your panties off of you, knowing how upset you’d be with him if he ripped it off like he wanted to. you whined, tugging at the waistband of his sweatpants, impatient with his slow pace which had him letting out a breathy laugh.

“‘m coming princess.” he reassured, tugging his shirt off and kicking his sweatpants and boxers to the side a few seconds later. you spread your legs, allowing him to climb between them and press his lips to yours again, letting out a loud whine when he dipped two of his fingers into your tight cunt, scissoring them to stretch out out for him, “good girl,” paul murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw as he praised you for taking his fingers so well.

“please hurry-” you whimpered, running your hand down his abdomen to grab his hardened cock and rub the weeping tip, eliciting a low groan from the male on top of you. he nodded, curling his fingers inside of you as your spread his precum around the tip, tugging him forward a bit until he was lined up with your dripping hole.

paul chuckled softly, taking his fingers out of you and replacing your hand with his, spreading some of the fluids he had gathered from you onto his cock. you wrapped your legs around his waist, letting out a loud moan when he pushed himself inside of you, fully sheathing his thick length in you in one thrust.

“paul-” you whined, running your fingers through his hair and holding onto him for dear life as he gave you a few moments to adjust to him, “please move.” you whimpered, desperate for his touch.

he didn’t need to be told twice, slowly drawing his hips back until just the tip of his cock remained, plunging back into your warm channel a moment later, quickly setting a steady pace. you were an emotional mess, holding him as tightly against you as you could while he fucked you, letting out a loud whimper when he reached his hand down to draw soft, slow circles against your clit, “such a good girl for me.” paul murmured, “fuck your pussy feels like heaven.” he groaned as he continued fucking your tight channel.

you gasped as he pressed down on your clit, eliciting another loud whine from you as you felt your orgasm quickly approaching, “you gonna cum on my cock, kitten? my cock feel that good?” he asked, a bit of his normal cocky self coming back as he felt his own orgasm approaching right behind yours.

you nodded, “please-” you whimpered, tightening your legs around his waist and your fingers in his hair as you desperately brought him closer to you.

paul chuckled softly, “go on. make a mess on my cock, yea? wanna feel that pretty pussy cum on me.” he teased as he felt your walls throb around him at his words.

you didn’t need much more than his permission, letting yourself fall over the edge as he pressed down on your clit again, quickly meeting your orgasm. as you throbbed around him, he met his own release, pushing himself as deep in you as he could as he coated your walls with his seed.

it took you a few moments for the both of you to come back to your senses, paul being the first to do so as he gently brushed your hair out of your face and slowly pulled himself out of you to lay next to you, “c’mere.” he murmured, pulling you close to his chest and allowing you to throw your leg over his waist and wrap your arms around his neck.

“don’t leave again.” you whispered blearily as you came back to your senses, eyes softening as you looked up at him.

he nodded, “promise i won’t.” he reassured, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. you nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone before he got up, quickly pulling on his boxers and sweatpants before getting back into the bed with a hand towel.

you sighed softly, allowing him to get between your legs, not needing to be told he wanted to clean you up. he already knew how irritated you’d get if you felt his release dripping out of you all night and was always quick to clean you up after sex because of it, “there you go.” he murmured as he quickly ran the rag between your sensitive folds, tossing it to the side and helping you into a new pair of panties and one of his t-shirts before getting back into bed with you.

you quickly curled into his arms, holding him close to you, “i love you.” he murmured against your hair and you nodded, smiling softly up at him, “i love you too.”

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xo-hugs-n-kisses-ox · 5 months ago

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Rumination

Ruminate

(v.) To think about something deeply

After Edward left her, Bella Swan fell apart. Desperate to try and save his eldest daughter, Charlie brings his youngest daughter to Forks to see if she can bring her sister out of her depression.

Now, y/n must try to help her sister find her way back to the light while also trying to navigate her Junior year of high school in the odd town of Forks.

---

Chapter Eleven: Contemplation

Now Playing: Salt And The Sea by The Lumineers

Paul and I went to Port Angeles today. Bella was hanging out around Emily’s, and I was still sore with her. Like the first time she showed back up, Paul had taken my keys, grabbed my purse, and snagged me to whisk me away somewhere that would take my mind off my anger with my older sister.

We had seen a movie today. It was some crappy action movie, but it made me laugh.

We got lunch afterwards, sitting in my truck as we ate.

I don’t know why I decided to do it. Maybe it was how he shared about his dad, but I started rambling about Charlie and Renee.

“My parents were high school sweethearts,” I blurted, “They were together all four years. They got married as soon as they were both eighteen, and had my sister soon after.”

I studied my sandwich as I spoke, avoiding looking at anything else.

“The pregnancy was hard on my mom. She had postpartum depression bad, the only thing she could manage to do was feed my sister when she cried.” I recalled the stories Mom had said, her voice light and joking. I had always seen the pain behind her eyes as she remembered.

I continued, “Dad worked long hours at the station to try and cover bills, pay back the hospital, and scrounge up dinner. Mom got better after a while, but she lost some of her spark.”

“They had me about a year later. I think it was to fix the marriage.” I slowly take a sip of my slushie, thinking. I continue on, “Didn’t work, obviously. They lasted three more years before Mom grabbed us and fled Forks for California.”

I look at Paul from the corner of my eye, and he’s already looking at me. I feel like the breath is being punched out of me, his attentive silence making my heart pound.

I take a deep breath, steam-rolling on.

“They divorced. Charlie gave her almost everything she wanted. He still loved her so much. I think he still does,” I admit, “But not as someone loves their spouse. I think it’s more a mourning and appreciation for what they used to be, what they used to have. Mom’s always been a, uh, free spirit. She’s gone through hobbies and boyfriends like I go through clothes day to day. She tires of them, then goes looking for the next one to hold her interest.”

“I—” I cut myself off, organizing my jumbled thoughts for a moment, “My friends have goals in life, milestones they want to achieve. Graduation, university, marriage, kids, grandkids, retirement. It all sounds nice, but marriage never had a solid meaning for me. I saw how easily it could break. Nearly forty-eight percent of marriages end in divorce, according to Bella.”

I was quiet for a long moment before murmuring, “So I maybe that if you have an issue with expression your emotions, I’m sure I have an issue with pessimism.”

He was quiet for a good moment, and I was afraid that maybe I said too much. Then, without a word, he reached out and put his heavy hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and leaning my head against his knuckles.

---

Edward bribed Alice into kidnapping my sister for two days so she wouldn’t visit Jacob. I sprayed Jacob’s cologne in her vents and her clothes.

It was a nice enough day, and I had gone for a hike. Jacob, while patrolling, had come by a few times to check on me. Sam had, also, and around noon was when Paul showed up.

His hulking wolf form no longer startled me, and I wordlessly passed him the bacon I had saved from this morning. He huffed, taking it delicately from my hand and sitting down beside me.

“I heard Quil imprinted,” I told him, having heard from Jake. “I’m happy for him, Jake said she’s a girl from his school, too, in the class beside his.”

Paul remained quietly looking out at the scenery with me, but he tilted his head towards me to hear better.

“Though, I’m still confused on the whole imprinting thing,” I admitted, “I asked Emily and Sam, but they didn’t give me a clear answer about it.”

At my words, Paul turned fully to look at me. I stared back, wondering what he was thinking. He huffed, sounding like he was sighing, before nudging me up and back towards the trail.

The two of us walked back to the house for dinner, and I went inside while he went over to the shed to change back. Bella was over, apparently rescued by Jacob, and I looked at her for a long moment before Embry drew me into conversation.

I won’t lie and say I didn’t miss my sister. I did. Desperately. But I was still hurt that she would choose the Cullens over her own family. Max said that I was holding a grudge. Paul, damn him, agreed when I told him.

Lunch was normal. We had burgers again, since there was a sale on ground beef, and everything felt like it did in February.

I clung to this shred of normalcy, fearful of when it would no longer be an option.

---

My allusion of normalcy was shattered when Bella went right back to Edward as soon as the hunting trip was over. Jacob had stormed back in and told me that she still thought it was none of our business what happened to her, that she was still set on becoming undead.

I didn’t have the energy to cry, or to yell. I didn’t even have the energy to be surprised.

Jacob had stormed back out at my lack of reaction, and I watched him go passively. I sighed.

I slept for most of the day, woken up around noon by a call.

“Hello?” I asked, my voice raspy from sleep. I rubbed my eyes, taking a deep breath to try and wake up.

“Y/n, a vampire was at the house. Not Victoria, someone new. I need you to tell the pack that, and—” my sister hurriedly explained, and I woke up quickly with her explanation.

Tipping out of my bed, I ran back towards the living room.

“Sam—” I started, nearly falling over when I scrambled around the corner, “Sam, a new vampire was at my house, Edward smelled it!”

Immediately, Jacob was reaching for my phone. He spoke into it quickly, interrogating my sister and Edward. They decided that I would stay here, still, and that Jacob would go see if he recognized the scent since Carlisle didn’t.

I waited anxiously for a verdict, and Sam started drafting new patrol routines.

Bella sent a text after a while, Possible murderer in Seattle, maybe linked. Let you know more when I do.

“I can’t believe this shit,” I muttered, “Why can’t this nightmare be over yet?”

---

We had a bonfire tonight. Bella was driven over by Edward, and I gave him a long look when I collected her. Emily was with me, grabbing her bags as I held my sister’s hand. The three of us traveled down to the beach, and we set her things down at our blanket.

Bella was sitting on a log across me, Jacob leaning on her knees from his seat in the sand.

He was idly roasting a hotdog, bickering with Paul over it. He relented, though, handing the skewer over to him. He took it, putting it on a bun and reached for condiments.

Embry tried to sneak a bite of it, only to get Paul’s massive hand shoving his face away. In his distraction, I reached around him to pinch off a piece of it, popping it in my mouth as he turned to scowl at me.

I smiled at him, handing him the ketchup. He rolled his eyes, dressing his hotdog and eating it quickly.

When he was finished, he leaned back against the log I was sitting on and told me, “Tell Bella to sit down wind next time, all I smell is Leech.”

I snort, “What does it smell like, anyway?”

He thought for a moment, putting words together, “Like dust, but in an old folk’s home.”

I laugh, overjoyed at the revelation.

I was about to speak again when Billy cleared his throat to begin telling stories.

———

(Vaguely edited 1/5/25)

Hey guys! Sorry for the super late update, today was actually hell 🫠 school sucks and I hate it but whatevs I guess

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!! I’ll likely update again over the weekend bc I’ll be traveling tmr 💕

Once again, if yall have any ideas you want me to write, please lmk!! Anyways bye bye pookie 🥰

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andreafmn · 8 months ago

Text

Collision | Chapter 24

Word Count: 3.2K Warnings: death

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

A/N: slowly but surely finishing up some WIP chapters for every story and a couple of oneshots and requests 😊

<- Previous | Next ->

The last place (Y/N) wanted to be in was a funeral. Especially when guilt clung to her like a dark cloud. It didn’t matter how many people told her it wasn’t her fault or that there was nothing more she could have done. She couldn’t help it.

Harry’s heart had taken its last beat under her hands, it had stopped while she was the one caring for him. And even if it had flatlined, she felt like there was more she could have done. Maybe if she had kept going, he would have magically come back. Stranger things than that had happened. To her, it didn’t matter if he’d had heart problems or that the pressure on the organ had been too much for recovery. She simply felt there was something else she could do. Anything else.

Clad in a dark dress, (Y/N) made her way to the Clearwater house. But once there, she could not make it past the first step. Tears flooded her eyes as she stared at the front door, the murmurs from the inside rushing to her ears. How could she face them? How could she face all the people who loved Harry and tell them there may have been more to do?

“(Y/N)?” a voice broke her out of her trance. The girl turned to find a worried Paul walking toward her, and fight or not, she found herself crashing into his arms. They fell to the ground as he cradled her in his arms, allowing her to crumble. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay.”

“It’s my fault, Paul,” she cried. “It’s my fault he’s gone.”

“It is absolutely not your fault, (Y/N),” he whispered. “You did all you could. Sam told us how hard you fought to keep him alive. There was nothing else you could do, (Y/N). It was just his time.”

“No. I could have saved him,” she continued. “I should have saved him.”

“He was a man with pre-existing heart conditions that had the scare of a lifetime, (Y/N). There was no way he would have survived this. There was nothing more to do,” he said. “Unburden yourself of his death because it was not, and never will be your fault.”

With teary eyes, (Y/N) finally allowed herself to look up at her friend, feeling her chest lighten at his words. Even if the knot was still there, she could feel herself growing used to the feeling, and others started to come to the surface. “I thought you were mad at me,” she sniffled, sitting on the ground as her breathing steadied. “Why are you here comforting me?”

“Just because I’m mad at you doesn’t mean I’d walk past you when you’re crying,” he said, sitting next to her. “You’re still my best friend, (Y/N).”

“So, does that mean you’re still mad at me?”

“Not as much as before,” he teasingly shrugged, shoving her softly. “I will admit, in the time that we’ve been apart, I’ve had a chance to think about my actions, and I have to say I may have overreacted a little bit. I knew you didn’t feel the same way I did, but I still let myself think that we’d one day be more. Then I got mad at you when you didn’t act the way I thought you should. I got my feelings hurt and I took it out on you. I’m sorry for that, (Y/N).”

“Well, if we’re airing out our grievances, I should apologize for using you like I did,” she admitted. “I knew how you felt about me, and I still asked you to do something almost impossible. I should never have asked you to get involved with my moving on in the way I did. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one that said yes, (Y/N). I knew what I was getting into, and I still said yes,” he refuted. “I had every chance to say no, but I chose to stay. So, I’m sorry.”

“No, Paul. If I hadn’t…”

“Look, we’re not gonna spend the rest of the morning saying sorry back and forth, (Y/N),” he chuckled. “Let’s just agree we both fucked up and go back to being friends. I’ve missed you for far too long.”

“I’ve missed you too, Paul,” she sniffled once more. “I have so much to tell you.”

“Let’s get through this first, okay? Then we have all the time in the world to catch up.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

With Paul by her side, the funeral was easier to bear. Though the pitiful stares and the sorrys were getting to her, having her best friend helped appease her guilt and her sadness. She was able to face the heartbroken Clearwater family and offer them condolences, embracing a terrified Seth and a heartbroken and detached Leah. There were no words she could tell them that could make the moment better. No amount of condolences or blessings would assuage the pain of losing their father in such a tragic way. And telling them she felt guilty about his passing would never compare to the guilt she was sure his daughter already felt.

Leah’s face was stoic, plastered with anger and despair. But (Y/N) knew what she was hiding. She could sense the girl’s self-reproach; it was the same she was feeling. To her, it was unmistakable. That hidden darkness in her eyes, the staggering in her breath, the closed-off posture. The Uley girl knew the signs all too well. They had been etched into her skin like an infected tattoo for years, making her skin itch and swell, but nevertheless remaining, staining. A mark that she would carry for the rest of her life. And now, so would poor Leah.

(Y/N) wanted to show her support in any way she could, but she knew her words did not mean anything yet. The last thing the girl needed was to hear from the sister of the guy who had broken her heart. No. What she needed for the moment was space—time to grieve and process the trauma she had just gone through.

So, instead of badgering the girl with empty words and sentiments like most people were doing, she let her be.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Seth startled her as he sat down beside her on the front porch. “Sorry. I just wanted to thank you for what you did for my dad. Mom told us how hard you tried to save him.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Seth,” she smiled sadly. “I was simply doing my job.”

“I know it was more than that,” he chuckled softly. “He cared about you, you know? He always knew you’d be going far, and he was right. A doctor at only 19? I’d say that’s pretty far. I mean, I’m only fifteen and the most impressive thing I’ve done is become a wolf, and I didn’t even do it on purpose.”

“Well, I’m still a student,” she said, but noting his annoyance, she chuckled. “But I get what you’re saying. I cared about him a lot too. I just wish I hadn’t been so busy these few months and got to spend more time with him. He always treated Sam and me with so much love and kindness, I can’t help but regret not giving as much as I received from him.”

“Nah, he knew how much you loved him,” Seth shrugged. “Honestly, we almost made you a forbidden name in our house because of how much he talked about you. When Leah got angry and would bring up that you hadn’t been in the rez for years, he always shut her down and told us you were putting us on the map. The more time you spent away, the prouder he was. I’m sure he knows how hard you fought for him and how much you loved him.”

“You’re too smart, kid,” (Y/N) hid a sniffle with a chuckle as she messed with his hair. “But don’t worry about me. How are you?”

“Honestly, I think I’m still in shock,” he sighed. “I woke up today hoping to find him on his chair, reading the newspaper, just waiting to talk to us about being wolves. Instead, I woke up to people rearranging the living room to fit his casket for the showing. It’s weird and confusing, and I think it hasn’t hit me quite yet. But, honestly, it’s Leah that I’m most worried about. She’s taking it really hard.”

“That’s to be expected, unfortunately. It was no easy thing what she went through—what you both went through,” the girl said. “It’s gonna take some time for her to feel normal again. At least a new version of normal. She’s gonna need us all, even if she thinks she wants to push us away.”

“I just wish she knew it wasn’t her fault. That no one blames her for what happened.”

“It’s gonna take some time, kid,” (Y/N) said as she hugged his side. “But we’ll be here. Every step of the way.”

Three hours felt like an eternity as the veil of grief draped itself over the Clearwater house. Even as they celebrated the life of Harry, the sadness was inevitable in the moment. It clung to the walls, to the floor, the very air they breathed. It was everywhere they went, even if no one had invited it in. Three hours was far too long for (Y/N). Three hours had been enough for her.

With a final walk around of condolences and sad smiles, (Y/N) decided she had reached her grief limit. As much as she wanted to spend more time with the family, she needed to be able to breathe. If she stayed any longer in that house, she was afraid she’d never be okay again.

But her day did not end once she left the funeral. She had promised Bella she would see her right after, and a part of her regretted agreeing to go all the way to Forks. There was nothing she could think of that could warrant Bella’s insistence that she visit her. (Y/N) knew it couldn’t be about Victoria because Jacob wouldn’t have left the girl’s side for a second. It couldn’t have been about Harry since she hadn’t gone to the funeral. The only thing that she could imagine was impossible and downright infuriating.

And yet, as she rounded the corner to Bella’s street, a car made her breath hitch in her throat. The black Mercedes was unmistakable, and just the sight of it made the girl’s heart hammer against her chest. Not only was it surprising that it was there, but that it was the first time she had heard about it.

Mixed feelings rushed through (Y/N)’s body as she got closer to the house. Just the idea of seeing him unnerved her. But she couldn’t quiet the part of her that hoped it was him behind the door, waiting, expecting her. She couldn’t stop the thought that he had come back for her, to tell her that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by letting her go. Still, that wasn’t the part that was winning in her mind.

Anger quickly surged to the top as she made her way to the front door. Words of ire and disappointment rapidly formed on her tongue, ready to be spat the second she saw golden eyes staring back at her. Because he shouldn’t have been there. He had no right.

“Bells?” (Y/N) called out, finding the door unlocked. “I’m here.”

Suddenly, a face she had seen one too many times appeared, worry splattered across her face like a stain. It wasn’t the one she was expecting, but it was a surprise, nonetheless.

Before she could say anything, Alice Cullen had her arms around (Y/N) as though no time had passed. It was borderline the softest touch and a bone-crushing hug all at the same time. There was only love and happiness coming from the vampire. But it was something (Y/N) couldn’t reciprocate.

“Alice,” she found herself whispering. Her voice came out in a hush, a tone so low only the supernatural would be able to hear it. “W-what’s going on? Why are you here?”

“Well, I thought Bella had died,” she said. “I had this vision that after the whole cliff diving fiasco, she didn’t make it out of the water. It wasn’t until I got here that I found out a wolf had saved her.”

“And you couldn’t have called?” (Y/N) asked, sounding colder than she intended. “One phone call could have cleared everything up.”

“I wasn’t really thinking,” Alice continued. “And then Rose told Edward what happened before I could confirm anything, and now he’s about to commit the dumbest mistake of his life.”

“Again, a phone call would work.”

“Oh, you know Edward won’t believe me until he sets eyes on her,” the girl dismissed, pa omg as her head raced with thought, oblivious to (Y/N)’s coldness. “Regardless, he’s not picking up his phone. Goodness, first, Carlisle goes missing as soon as we’re out of Forks, and now Edward wants to get killed. What is happening to this family?”

(Y/N) couldn’t hear anything after the mention of Carlisle’s name. I’m her head, he was thriving in life being a big shot head doctor at some other hospital, he was with his family being the mysterious Cullens somewhere else. But Alice had said he had disappeared. Over half a year had passed, and none of them had heard from their father figure. Not even Alice’s visions had seemed to help the situation.

“W-what do you mean Carlisle is missing?” (Y/N)’s voice broke Alice’s incessant rambling. “I thought he was with you.”

“Oh, no, (Y/N),” she brought her hands to her mouth. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t…”

“How could he just disappear, Alice? Where could he have gone to that none of you know where he is?”

“I don’t…”

“Oh, (Y/N)!” Bella called out as she rushed down her stairs, a backpack hanging from her shoulder. “I’m sorry, but we have to cut this visit short. I don’t know if Alice told you…”

“No,” she spat. “Alice hasn’t said much of anything. At least not anything of much importance.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, not only do I come here to find Alice after over six months of radio silence, but now I find out that no one in the family knows where Carlisle has gone.” His name rolling out of her tongue felt bittersweet. It made her heart flutter with the intensity of the bat of a million butterfly wings, but it made her stomach churn as though she’d been stuck at sea for too much time. It was refuge and terror all wrapped up in a beautiful word. “But I guess what interests you more is the fact that Edward thinks you’re dead.”

“I didn’t…,” Bella stammered before turning to the vampire. “You didn’t say Carlisle was missing. All you said was that it wasn’t him on the phone. Carlisle’s missing?”

“Look, I’m sorry. But he’s the least of my worries right now,” Alice exhaled. “Esme has been looking for him and has some good leads. Right now, I care about the fact that Edward is going to get himself killed by the Volturi in Italy. I wish this could have been a beautiful reunion, but it is what it is.”

“Bella, you know you don’t have to do this, right?” (Y/N) blurted. “You are not under the obligation of saving him after what he did to you.”

“I know,” the girl sighed. “But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try to help him live. As much as he hurt me, the love I have for him is far greater than our past. Wouldn’t you do the same for Carlisle?”

It should have been an easy answer. Yes. If it meant that Carlisle was alive and well, of course, she would have jumped on a plane and traveled around the world to save him. Yes. Three letters. One confirmation. That should have been easy to say.

But a voice inside her yelled no. As much as she loved and yearned for him, (Y/N) couldn’t say yes. Not when he had ripped her heart to shreds purposefully. Not when he had said things he’d never be able to take back. She should have said no. Just no.

“I don’t know,” she said instead. “Maybe I’m not as strong as you.”

“No,” Bella smiled softly, taking (Y/N)’s hands in hers. “You’re stronger.”

“Just be careful out there, Bells. Even if they don’t return, come home.”

“I promise,” she said. “And I’m sure Carlisle is okay. Esme will find him soon enough.”

“He can take care of himself. I’m more worried about you,” (Y/N) said, squeezing Bella’s hands comfortingly before turning to Alice. “You better make sure nothing happens to her. Leaving us is one thing. But if anything else happens to Bella under your watch, that’s gonna be unforgivable.”

“She’ll be safe, I promise,” the vampire peeped, a shake in her voice that almost sounded like she was terrified. “I won’t let anything happen to her.”

Turning back around, (Y/N) continued. “Be safe, Bella,” she said as she took the girl in for a tight hug. “And I’ll make sure your dad is safe and doesn’t get too angry about your impromptu trip.”

“Thank you, (Y/N),” she chuckled softly. “Whatever happens, we’ll always have the Cullen Discard Club.”

“Best club to be in,” (Y/N) laughed. “Now, go. And be safe.”

(Y/N) wanted to stop Bella. Shake the girl until she finally saw reason. But she couldn’t lie, she understood. As she watched the black car disappear down the road, she couldn’t help the worry that overtook her body as she thought back to Carlisle. She couldn’t help but wonder where he had gone to hide, if he was safe, if he had fed.

It took everything in her to close the Swan door behind her and go back to her home. There was nothing she could do for him anymore, that much she knew. But there was an itch inside her that begged to find him, that called on her to make sure he was okay. It was the same voice she shared with Bella. The love you could only have for someone that had infected your soul.

When she got back, her house was quiet, and it was just what she needed—silence. It allowed her to just be, to just feel—no judgment or anger—just silence. It was so quiet that as she removed her coat, a piece of paper fell from the pocket and clattered softly against the ground.

With genuine interest, (Y/N) picked it up and wondered how it had gotten there until she read it.

This is Esme’s number. Just in case you wanted it.

I truly am sorry for everything.

-Alice

(Y/N) didn’t know when the vampire had written the letter—not that, with her speed, she would have ever noticed—but a small part of her was grateful for it.

That night, she went to bed staring at the piece of paper, wondering what she would do with it. She could have picked it up and called Esme, gathered as much information as she could to help in her search, joined her in New York, and turned it upside down until they could find him. Then again, she could have done absolutely nothing at all.

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