#episode 10 hurt me physically because it once again proves this

[castlescrumblingdvwn]

once again thinking about how kiho is selfless to a fault and deserves only the best of everything

[fragilevixenfic]

My AO3 Fanfiction Links (Current)

“I’ve never really thought about making a “Master List” of my own work but I figured, now is the time to do so. If any of the links are incorrect just let me know. I fix. 

Adding in a “keep reading” tab because the list is starting to get long and intense.

Each fic is categorized and easily referenced. I’ll update as I go.

X Files

Series

Into The Shadows

XII (COMPLETE): A serial killer targets victims and leaves behind symbols of his affection -- but who is his intended target and what will it take to discover the truth? (This has a lot of trigger warnings)

Dance In The Dark (ONGOING Chapters 12/? Posted **UPDATED):  With the continuing murder trial of Miles, Mulder, Scully, and Max are confronted by the VCU with a case that seems to be mimicking the pattern by their, now infamous, psychopath on trial.

Echoes and Whispers

Parallel (COMPLETE):  The aftermath of the three little words that Mulder says to Scully in his hospital bed after being rescued from the Queen Anne as it re-appeared in the Bermuda Triangle...and the strange connection that Scully starts to feel to a memory that Scully couldn't possibly have.

Only The Night (ONGOING):  Mulder and Scully begin their undercover assignment as an engaged couple with the assistance of Skinner at the University of Maryland to catch a serial rapist, putting their newly formed physical bond to the test in this sequel to “Parallel”.

Casefics

Falling Away (COMPLETE):  Kersh’s assignment partially splits the team as Scully goes undercover under the watchful eye of Mulder as they both assist on an operation with SWAT and FBI personnel. (A gift for Greta)

Veritas se revēlet (COMPLETE):  (The title is roughly translated to let the truth be revealed in Latin) An impromptu wild goose chase leads Mulder and Scully to the drifts of a winter-locked Tonopah, Nevada—where a little more than the embodiment of Mulder’s imagination takes shape between the walls of the Mizpah Hotel in the dead of winter. (A gift for @monikafilefan)

She Walks at Night (COMPLETE):  Mulder’s knack for getting himself and Scully into sticky situations leads them to the heart of NOLA at the tail end of Hurricane season after barely surviving a Floridian storm—to investigate a rumor of a notable Voodoo Queen and missing girls trying to bring her back. (A gift for @starbuck09256)

Intrigues in the Dark (COMPLETE):   A string of suicides leads Mulder and Scully to a sleepy, coastal town in Oregon for the second time—on their return to The X File—as tensions run high and nothing is as it seems. (A gift for @admiralty-xfd)

By Light, Unseen (COMPLETE):   A series of re-opened cold case murders with one link…they’d been drained of every drop of blood and wore the same, haunting stare toward the sky with their lips aghast as if they were still screaming. (A gift for @serahsanguine)

Post-Series

A House is Not a Home (COMPLETE):  The mere thought of raising a newborn in a world full of horrors has every part of Scully’s emotional irrationality over firing on a chilly, winter evening. Mulder wants nothing more than to show her that not everything is gray and grim. (for @danceswithcybermen)

Remember the Reason (COMPLETE):  Post Series (Part 1 of the “Little Redhead Series”). Mulder and Scully already knew that life with a newborn would be difficult but the first Christmas with their two-month-old daughter throws every curveball…some worse than others, some more humorous. (For @underworldobsessed)

Confectioners Sugar & Snow Drifts (COMPLETE):  Post Series (Part 2 of the “Little Redhead Series”). Mulder spends the morning bonding with Eliana by having a Christmas baking session while Scully is out shopping for gifts. Messes, mayhem, and a healthy dose of laughter ensue. No moment is ever dull as the snow falls outside.

The Easter Bunny was a Fox (COMPLETE):  Post Series (Part 3 of the “Little Redhead” Series). Scully has to pick up Bill, Tara, and a couple of surprise family from the airport, leaving Mulder alone with their 6-year-old daughter, Eliana, on Easter Morning. All she has for him are curiosities as Easter’s non-Christian ideology unfolds before her eyes…creating the most unique bonding opportunity for a father and his daughter. (For Flicked_Switch)

Angst/UST/RST

Caught in the Rain (COMPLETE):  A dark, rainy night leads Mulder and Scully to a hole in the wall bar where glasses of Scotch and unresolved tension is re-visited.

Or We Can Burn (COMPLETE):  Post Never Again - expansion and continuation of the aftermath surrounding what Scully has been hiding from Mulder.

It Lingers (COMPLETE):  The aftermath of trauma and the lingering effects of Mulder’s risky attempt to recover the truth about Samantha’s abduction leads to a revelation from Scully about her own coping mechanisms and flashes into a past she doesn’t fully remember...and the path to which they lead thereafter. (For @red2007)

Fluff/Humor

Nervous Laughter (COMPLETE):  It’s been two full days since their tender, albeit brief, moment at the stroke of midnight and Mulder decides to be brave and methodical by inviting Scully over for a little movie and popcorn night for a film that has stayed locked in his mind as her favorite—The Exorcist. (This is a gift for @rationalcashew)

Lamplight & Shooting Stars (COMPLETE):  It’s Spring-time in DC and spontaneous, mutually taken vacation time has become a personal mission of Mulder’s to surprise Scully with so much more than an escape from their norm—and the unseasonable, uncomfortable city heat. (For @underworldobsessed)

Into the Nightlife (ONGOING):  A little paid vacation time never hurt anyone, right? (Not giving anything away this time)

Smut

Insomniac (COMPLETE):  Another lonely, sleepless night, another dingy motel, and another town that isn’t home for Mulder…but, something changed, with the last gasp of the air conditioner as his partner, and best friend, chooses to walk through the adjoining door. (Expanded writing exercise)

Vultus in Speculo (COMPLETE):  The last of the paperwork on the Strickland case has been finalized and filed and Scully goes off for a drink at a known FBI watering hole. Mulder is invited but doesn’t show up until after Scully is halfway through a drink—giving him an opening to inquire about a whole lot more than her flirtations with the Sheriff in the booth of a rooftop bar. (written for @msrheadcanon

Phosphorescence (COMPLETE):  Still reeling from their experience in North Carolina, Mulder and Scully take a much-needed excursion to the coast of Oregon, where a flicker of light becomes more than a curiosity in the middle of the night. (Written for @anniexami)

The Darker Side of Love (COMPLETE): Mulder does not want to talk but he does not want Scully to leave, either. (This is for the MSR fanzine vol 3)

Ficlets/Drabbles/Short Prompt Collection

Affirmations and Protestations: “Fluff and Angst” Prompts (ONGOING):  

 Chapter 1 - "You Weren't Supposed to Hear That" - prompt #5, 61, 77

Chapter 2 - "Shout!" - prompt #19, 61 (From Valerie)

Chapter 3 - "Litost" - prompt #1, 85, 97 (From Monika)

Chapter 4 - "Ad Infinitum" - prompt #42 (From Minuete)

Chapter 5 - "Brick" - prompt - After Scully calls Mulder in the ep Emily, she asks him to bring her some things from home. Her journal falls to the floor and Mulder sees some things written about him that she has never allowed him to know. (from Monika)

Chapter 6 - "I'd rather be oblivious" - prompt #46 (from Annie)

Criminal Minds

Angst/UST/RST

Dulce Periculum (COMPLETE):  Maxine and Spencer have continued seeing each other, in spite of the interference brought to the surface by Cat Adams. Spencer continues to work closely with the BAU after it nearly dismantled, with signature members scattering to the winds, leaving behind only a few, including himself, to keep working on their caseload. After a long, intense case, Spencer returns home to a little more than a can of worms. (A gift for an anonymous prompter)

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Angst/UST/RST

Chasing your Silhouette (COMPLETE):  They’d learned each other’s quirks and intricacies on the job—but when did it become over the line? When did physicality become a detriment to them once they’ve taken off their shields? When did they realize the line in the sand no longer existed? (This is meant to take place a couple weeks after “Zebras” – had to assume a timeline, I don’t remember actual dates)

Paternity Redux - Time Just Stopped (COMPLETE):  Her strength has always been immeasurable—but sometimes, something has to give and a string breaks. Nothing will ever be the same.“I’m trying my best, that is enough.” - UnknownThis is part of a challenge, to right a series of wrongs in an episode that has perpetrated many a discussion of “What Could Have Been”. WriterKC, Liv.Einziger, JustAnotherBookWorm78, MrsWellRested, EORocks, AlexisDawn, ChriskaPeach, and I have stepped up to the plate to do just that.

Oblivion (ONGOING 9/? Chapters posted ***UPDATED***):   The undercover operation in Oregon takes an unexpected, unpleasant turn for Olivia Benson as an injury turns her life, and career, upside-down leaving her with pieces of her memory scattered in the wind.

Humor

Unlock the Door (TENTATIVELY COMPLETE 2/2):   Olivia returns home from a celebratory series of shots with Kim Greylek and lets Elliot Stabler hear a little more than she ever intended to in the aftermath.

Series

Polaroids and Promises (COMPLETE):   The Special Victims Unit has undergone an enormous amount of changes in the past six months, to the point that they are drastically undermanned—until a transfer from the 13th precinct brings new life, and a little chaos, to the team. Will her addition prove to be a permanent shift or a flash in the pan?

Discarded Dignity (COMPLETE):   Elora continues to gain much-needed confidence as a member of the Special Victims Unit but an arrival booked for trespassing, assaulting an officer, and disorderly throws her progress into chaos as her past jumps to the surface. Will she be able to look beyond the misstep to solve one of the most convoluted cases she’s faced? 

Contract Corruption (ONGOING 10/?):   Dickie Stabler and Justin Andrisani are in over their heads--and the members of SVU and the Organized Crime task force must come together in order to set things right.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/Organized Crime Crossover

Series

Words of love, words of lies, words of loss

Age of Regret (COMPLETE):  Elliot Stabler has never been good with words but ten years and a double on the rocks in a lonely room will make a man pour his heart out…in any way that he can.

Infidelis (COMPLETE): Elliot had been haunted by too many ghosts; expectations, fantasies, and a promise that he knew should never be kept. It was time to lay them all to rest. “I do not regret you…I regret what you did to me.” - Unknown

[incurablyromanticsblog]

Don't know how people are gonna feel about this but Loki should've been dealt with the way they dealt with Lucifer (from the Netflix show) I mean while the show straight up dismissed loki's feelings, lucifer netflix really showed us the natural and organic character growth with ups and downs while still maintaining the comic hilarity (WHICH WASNT AT THE EXPENSE OF THE MC). It's love interest and side characters are all original characters dealt as independent characters rather as brownie or plot points.

And the scenes that prompted me to think this?

1. Lucifer asking his Mazikeen to cut off his wings because he's moved past being a pawn in his father's 'Great Plan'. We could've had loki come to this conclusion and tell Mobius (who would've been an actual all out ally who was forced into doin lg what he did) that he no longer wanted any place in a land that hated him. (Once again like Lucifer calling the silver city hell)

2. Lucifer actually being the way he's supposed to be (angel of light, light bringer etc.) We could've had Loki act like the way he Actually Is. Not like how @iamnmbr3 so eloquently put it 'like larry the dumb lookalike'. We could've had Loki being stern yet having that air of sarcasm and wit that he had in his the films. His eloquence, his physical prowess (none of the falling flat on his face stuff, a lot of people talk about how he was trying not to hurt the people in ep 2 but srsly Loki would just immediately disarm them), and most of all his agency and refusal to cower or the pathetic attempts at lying.

3. Costumes. The lucifer netflix team had an extensive costume department that ironically pales in comparison to what disney is capable of but still we see Lucifer have a wide array of clothes and styles. Have Loki take the first chance to change his clothes. If he wants the 50s aesthetic have at it! he can wear the tuxedos and the nice leather. Or maybe change into some nice Viking-inspired leathers and battle armor. Have him as a pirate, or a knight or a cowboy. You're traveling through time good man! you can at least hit some of the cool spots.

4. In depth analysis of lucifer's mental health. the only episode of the Loki tv show I liked (loose term) is the first one cause it's the only one that gave a fraction of what we were promised: an insight into loki. That's it.

5. Lucifer's organic growth. This is self-explanatory. Loki watched one video and was good. Very good five stars. I understand that they only had six episodes but come-on. You could've had the subtle changes through out all the eps and lead to the big finish finally. With each episode focusing on certain aspects of Loki.

5. Lucifer's exploration of self-loathing. This deserves to be a separate point because Istg it was done so well. Basically lucifer messes up and he's faced with the hatred that's been conditioned into him (not unlike Loki) and then he learns what it is and actually tries to love himself. And not by kissing a female variant of himself (ew and also respect the gender fluid persons). He actually saw the good in him by reflecting and his actual good friends helping him.

6. Lucifer actually wanting to be good. Look Idc what shut mike waldron wrote, loki is not selfish when his whole arc has been doing things for asgard, thor, odin, frigga etc. We all know that New York was mind control, I do not know why it's being swept under the rug. But here's the thing, that self loathing I mentioned earlier is a huge part of Loki thinking he's some monster and intent on proving it.

7. Lucifer facing his 'devil-face'. Loki should've come to terms with his Jotun heritage. The TVA could've had a case in Jotunheim concerning the Royal Family and Loki could've seen the entirety of Jotunheim and it's people not just that most-likely war propaganda the Asgardians force-fed him. Maybe have him meet his siblings or better yet his mother. There's a very nice fic on A03 called Asgardian Galdr that deals with this beautifully.

8. Luicfer having a Breakdown and Crying: First off this happens gradually, his problems pile up etc etc. and he faces off his father and gets angry until he finally breaks down. And basically God says, "I'm sorry but i can't fix you," And Lucifer in all his grief and desperation asks, "But you're God,'. I know we talk a lot about Loki being made weak in the Show but that's specifically about him being made weak and helpless to make Sylvie seem like a stronger character (Don't get me started on the Sif and Narcissm scene istfg), But maybe seeing Loki try awkwardly to be good and near the finish of the show we see it blow up in some angsty way? only for some conversation like this to happen and have Loki understand that being good is something that is innate and something he already had the potential for all along. Maybe learn that he's not lawful good but as always the morally grey character we know him as. (Protector of misfits, god of outcasts i.e all the shit Marvel shat on) and rise as the God of Chaos and Stories against the rigid bonds of The TVA and essentially Kang.

9. Lucifer having a nice healthy romantic interest and relationship. Lucifer and Chloe's relationship is more often than not the main point of the show but no matter how much it is focused on it remains health, organic and not a weird allegory for something disgusting. Even if Sylvie weren't a Loki (once again ew) the whole dynamic was toxic. She constantly put him down, and invalidated his feelings (Sounds like Odin huh?) and guess what Loki fell in love with her after one day, one conversation of what love was and Mobius calling her his girlfriend (he also said that it was freakish and i agree). We could've had Sigyn sweet lord. (I'll make another post about this)

10. Lucifer's Sexuality. There is a whole episode in which Loki's paramours are getting murdered and they all vary from men to women to all that comes in between. And there's no shame, no offensive jokes. Have Loki flirt with dudes, i understand ms.karen that this is for children, don't worry the casual sex ;) was offscreen. Have Loki turn into a woman and flirt with woman cowards, maybe make some questionable remarks about horses (That make Sigyn laugh)

11. Lucifer's Powers: lemme sum up, Lucifer can, let's call it, use compulsion on people. He is known for his strength and prowess and abilites to grant favors. Have Loki shapeshift into animals, absolutely mauling people. Have him use his silver-tongue to coax people into making or changing history (Yes Brutus, Caesar is getting to be a bit much, say have you heard how sharp knives are?)

I'm pretty sure there's more that i can't remember rn. And here is one thing i would like to make very clear.

You are not bad for liking the show or hating it whatever. The problem is that the show framed a lot of bad things as good (Anything the TVA did, Mobius' torture session with Loki, the way Sylvie treated Loki only for them to become romantic partners, the Sylkie fiasco as it was offensive to genderfluid people and the bare fucking minimum of LGBTQ and POC rep). The show was also marketed specifically to make us think hey! Loki might actually be the main character only for it to blow up in our faces. We were also promised an actual plot rather than a constantly plot twisting concept that could've been worth something.

Also i'm still working on a Loki fic rn after which i will write a Loki(TV) Rewrite but unitil then ig.

[illogicalthinking]

The Burn Within

warnings: Some NSFW language (Remus), blood/ bruises mention, hurt no comfort and self hatred 

word count: 1883

authors note: for this fic i used a prompt by @just-another-ts-prompt-blog which can be found: here 

hope you enjoy!

Whilst the ‘light’ and ‘dark’ sides preferred to keep their distance from each other, they had to share certain parts of Thomas’s mind. For example, they shared a common area, and the imagination was split into two separate realms, much like Roman and Remus: Whilst one contained multiple castles and kingdoms living in harmony with each other, the other was a prison of living nightmares. 

However, this arrangement did not bring them any closer to each other. The light sides tried to avoid the dark sides at all costs. Remus often played pranks on the others such as swapping the sugar out for salt, spiking drinks with inedible products, and stealing utensils. 

This made meal times extremely difficult to control: Virgil would hiss and hide, Patton would try and fail to diffuse the situation, Janus would watch in entertainment and Roman was never around to witness. The only side that could keep the sides from murdering each other was Logan. 

Today seemed like one of those days. 

“Virgil could you please come down from there, Remus did not do anything” Logan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was far too early for this, Logan muttered to himself whilst taking a large sip of coffee from his “worlds best mum” mug. 

“He walked in whilst we were making coffee, that’s more than enough reason to hide. What if he put baby powder in my drink again? I’m going to die because of him!” Virgil hissed from his place on the top of the fridge, hoodie covering his frantic eyes. 

Virgil had been more paranoid than usual after the recent video. He had fallen back into his old habit of hissing at the other sides when stressed. It concerned Patton greatly. 

“Oh please sunshine, there is a higher chance of me fucking a woman with 3 arms than there is me spiking your drink again, I just walked in!” Remus exclaimed as he passed Virgil on the fridge to the dining table. 

“Whilst Remus vocalized his argument in a very unprofessional manner, he is right, we have been awake for approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes whereas, by the looks of it, Remus has only been awake for around 10 minutes.” Logan made sure to maintain eye contact with Virgil whilst voicing his opinion to ensure Virgil knows he’s telling the truth. “There is nothing to worry about Virgil, you are safe” 

“Thanks, L” 

“You're welcome, now please come down from there, it is very dangerous to be sitting in places you are not supposed to be sitting”

-

-

After the incident this morning between Virgil and Remus, Logan remained seated in the common room, his back straight against the recliner with his laptop placed on his lap. He was researching content for a Sanders side video they will be filming in the evening. He did not do this in his room due to not wanting another incident like this morning. Logan is the only side that is willing to deal with the incidents, while the other sides (particularly Janus and Roman) are too impatient and often make the situation worse. 

Throughout the whole day, Logan continued to research the link between intrusive thoughts and depression. Thomas had recently been showing signs of this mental illness and Logan wanted to bring it up to him via a video. However, there was a small issue, Logan would have to have all the other sides present including Janus and Remus. He needed Janus because Thomas listened to him more than Logan (much to the latter's dismay) and Remus represented intrusive thoughts. It would only be fair to have Remus take part in a discussion about him, even if the light sides had a problem with this. 

Happy with his research, Logan snapped his laptop shut. Due to none of the other sides entering the common room after this morning's incident, Logan concluded it was safe to retreat into his room because he was not needed to split up another argument yet.

To Logan's annoyance, it was time to film the video for Thomas' youtube channel. After the events of putting others first, Logan had started to dread taking part in videos. This was because Janus proved he could take his role as logic, and remain loved and respected whilst providing the necessary information Thomas needed. 

“Enough of the self-loathing, Logan, now is not the time,” Logan muttered to himself as he sank down into Thomas’s living room. This evening is going to be a long one for all of the sides, especially Logan. 

-

-

Logan didn’t know how much longer he could handle the arguing. 

None of the other sides were listening to his facts or solutions, too busy pinning the blame on each other for Thomas’s current problem. Roman and Remus were currently swords to mace, about to start a physical fight, Janus remained by Patton’s side trying and failing to calm him down before he turned back into a frog and Virgil remained curled up on his side, his hoodie covered the majority of him but Logan could still see him shaking. 

 Something had to shut them up.

I will shut them up, Logan thought to himself. Logan became alarmed by the sudden aggressive thoughts. He may have a short fuse but he wasn’t usually aggressive, not without guilt eating away at him. However, this time Logan had no guilt attached to this thought and he shivered at the realisation. 

This time was different he reminded himself and with that thought, Logan snapped

“Will you all shut up and listen to what I have to say for once!” Logan all but screamed at the top of his lungs, ensuring he was heard over the arguing. 

The silence that came after was enough evidence for logan to continue:

“People who suffer from depression often get stuck with a single or even several intrusive thoughts that arise frequently. These types of repetitive intrusive thoughts are known as 'rumination'.”

 “The whole point of me organising this stupid video was to bring this statement to Thomas’ attention and guide him with the help of Janus to seek professional help. You all arguing like a group of immature school children was not part of the script, now if you would excuse me I am going to make myself useful for once and leave” Logan huffed, glad to get that out of his system. Even after snapping, the guilt never choked him like it usually would, which disturbed him greatly.

“Logan, wait!”  Virgil pleaded, but it was too late.

“I said I was leaving, now fuck off and leave me alone” Logan hissed at him, the guilt still not reaching him.

Happy with this statement. Logan sunk out of the living room back to his room, leaving six shocked and petrified individuals behind.

“What just happened?” Thomas said to nobody in particular. 

“I do not know but it’s best to leave him alone, let’s just get this shit show over and done with” Virgil muttered, far too anxious about Logan to care about the video.

Logan what happened to you. Virgil thought. 

-

-

When Logan rose up into his bedroom he could not hold it in anymore. All of the pent-up frustration from being ignored for months became too much for the logical side, causing him to slam his fists into the nearest wall. However, without realizing it, Logan’s fist struck a family photo of all the sides surrounding a very happy Thomas. 

For some reason seeing the shattered photo frame on the floor and the glass sticking out of his broken skin caused something within him to break.

 For the first time in months, Logan allowed himself to cry out all of his frustrations. 

After what seemed like hours, Logan finally got up from his place on his bed. He noted that his eyes were swollen and his hand was covered in dry blood and bruises. He did not want to get up and clean his mistake, but he knew he had to because the others would ask questions and he did not want that. Logan did not want the other side’s sympathy. It was a little too late for them and Thomas to care about him but he had to stay because Thomas needed him. They needed him.

“Do they need you though, Logan? Come on, you’re just as useful as me right now and you know it.” A harsh voice sneered into the cold room. Logan immediately knew who it was. 

“Be quiet Orange, no matter how much Thomas tries to push me aside, I won’t leave because I am his logic, and Thomas needs his logical side. 

“Come on Logan deep down you know I am right, let me prove it to you”

“Let’s just say you were correct in your hypothesis, what happens after that?” Logan sneered. He was far too exhausted to deal with this right now, and he just wanted to sleep.

“Let me show you”

“If I trusted you I would be breaking trust with the others and Thomas and I cannot do that. Thomas’s welfare is my number one priority and I cannot cause any harm to them, no matter how much they have hurt me”

“Oh please Logan, Thomas has not given a shit about you since the beginning. Where is your video, Logan? All the other sides have an episode focused on them, even Remus! And Thomas hates the guy! Do something for yourself for once in your life and listen to me, I can make them listen to you but you have to trust me,” Orange whispered to Logan. Logan knew deep down that what orange was saying was correct, he did not just want to admit it to himself. Until now, that is.

“Fine, what do you have in mind?”

-

-

It has been approximately one hour since Logan had sunk out of the video, and Janus was getting worried. No matter how much he tried to get a hand on Logan and summon, he couldn’t. Logan was unreachable

The twins were arguing and Patton and Janus couldn't find a middle ground. Finally, they summoned Logan, needing an impartial side. But when he appears, something is different.

He was wearing a long-sleeve dress shirt, much fancier than usual. He had streaked eyeliner and his glasses were different. He was not wearing a tie.

“Logan? What happened?” Thomas asked, hesitant like he almost doesn’t want to know.

Patton had his hand to his mouth. He spoke up after a moment, “Logan, you look like… like a dark side. What did you do?”

Logan’s voice was quiet and soft like if he spoke too loud he might break. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t try to do this, I-” he cut himself off, taking a deep, steadying breath. “I have become obsolete.” His voice broke on the last word and he clamped his mouth shut.

“No, Logan!” Thomas immediately disagreed. “We need Logic!”

Logan nodded, eyes still trained on the floor. “Yes, you do need logic. But . . . you don’t want me”

And with that, Logan sank out for the second time that night, leaving nothing but a cloud of smoke that soon vanished, just like he did.

The others could not do anything but feel the burn within. 

What had they done?

[ladyc0312]

A Jikook Guide to RunBTS: 112-121

Yes, I'm still doing these! It's just happening more slowly than I'd like because writing for work + writing fic + trying to go to bed before midnight + so much amazing content being released that clearly must be poured over and dissected = less time to make guides. For anyone still with me, he's the next section!

Ep 112 “Dalbang School Part 1” (Ep: 5 / KM: 4)

The ones with BTS in a classroom driving Teacher Jin insane

5:58 - JM declares that he and Taehyung will pair up (by being the first to hug each other in a game), but then when Hobi blows the whistle at 6:38, JK runs over to hug JM before Tae can get to him.

6:58 - Jin asks why JM said he wanted Tae and then hugged JK. JM explains that he didn't hug him, he just found himself in JK's hug as JK cackles in the background.

7:24 - When Jin blows his whistle at the class, JK and JM mirror each other in putting a finger in one of their ears.

7:35 - Teammates JK and JM are immediately on the same page about wanting their team name to be Kim Seokjin. When they have to change it, JM quickly picks up JK's suggestion that they call their team Bang Sihyuk. These don't sound like particularly unique moments, but when you watch it, it just really strikes you how in sync the two of them are in terms of physicality, ideas, and sense of humor.

9:52 - After Jin comments that he heard JM did very well in school, JK adds that JM was the top student. When someone else asks if JM was the best or second-best, JK forcefully reiterates that he was the best student.

12:45 - When they get a question right, JK and JM clasp hands and bump their shoulders together.

13:10 - JM and JK both goof around, speaking in satoori and challenging JHope to a fight of sorts.

13:27 - When Jin repeats that they got the question right, JK and JM do exactly the same as 12:45, but seated this time.

14:22, 14:36, 15:13 - In all three of these moments, JM nearly falls over laughing at something JK did that no one else found anywhere near as funny.

23:36 - When JK says he's good at this game, JM laughs and pokes JK in the chest with a marker.

BEHIND 2:30 - JM takes a selfie of him and JK with his personal phone while they're supposed to be paying attention to Jin.

6:35 - JK cheers on JM and calls him Jimin-ssi when JM announces he's doing well on this spot-the-difference round. When Jimin modifies the brag to say he only found four, JK says "that's still quite impressive."

Ep 113 “Dalbang School Part 2” (Ep: 5 / KM: 4)

4:50 - We all know how JK is when he gets into his "focus" zone, especially in a competitive environment. But here, when JM rather rudely interrupts JK's melodica practice, JK just starts playing around with him and giggles.

7:41 - As RM & JH take their turn, jikook are whispering to each other in the back row.

11:42 - After quickly agreeing on a lunch option, jikook do a high five / handshake thing and then JM says "we think alike" and "we get along pretty well." JK responds "that's exactly it" and the on-screen captions tells us they are a "good match."

22:20 - This is where JK and JM start switching back and forth carrying each other on their backs to get under a limbo stick.

They go again at 23:35, 26:11, and 28:13.

And again at 30:22 and 32:16 and 34:30 because, even though they lost, they want to try to do it again to show that they can as a "matter of pride."

25:00 - JK points something out to JM and then pats his butt.

33:33 - JM announces they lost, and then jikook do another handshake / high five thing.

34:33 - JM does an... interesting pose for the camera where he puts his hand on a bent-over JK's back and smirks.

34:56 - Yet another handshake and JM pats JK on the back when they finally pass the limbo challenge.

BEHIND 5:55 - While examining the limbo setup, JM comments that JK is good at this. JK comes over to give a demonstration and JM watches him be silly with it and says "he's a strange kid" fondly.

6:21 - Another jikook limbo attempt - this one was cut because they did it too easily.

Ep 114 “League of Number One Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 1)

The ones where BTS play games with League of Legends world champions

3:55 - After Jimin protests that he shouldn't be out, JK tells his hyung to turn around and face the back.

14:40 - JK fake-boxes JM after losing the hammer game.

18:18 - JK mimics Jimin's BWL intro.

Ep 115 “League of Number One Part 2” (Ep: 2 / KM: .5)

BEHIND

7:05 - JK comes over to check on Jimin's phone to make sure he's actually visible in the selfie the teams take.

Ep 116 “Team-Building Special Part 1” (Ep: 4 / KM: 1)

The ones with random games in that rec room-looking place that are a lot more fun than they sound

22:14 - JM and JK play around with the jump rope during breaktime.

22:26 - JM and JK play around like they're boxing with each other.

BEHIND 5:15 - JK appears to take an interest in watching JM's... back as he moves around acting out potential poses.

Ep 117 “Team-Building Special Part 1” (Ep: 4 / KM: 2)

5:30 - Despite showing pretty much everyone else touching everyone else in the pose guessing game, we don't get a single shot here or in the behind of JK feeling up Jimin. The above photo proves that it happened, though, so definitely side-eyeing the editors, here.

BEHIND 5:35 - JK keeps throwing water bottles when they're supposed to be taking a group photo. Jimin pulls him back next to him and puts an arm around his neck. JK puts an arm around Jimin's shoulders in return.

7:51 - After it's explained that JK is staying late to watch Jin do his penalty, a packed-up Jimin comes over and stands next to JK, waiting until they're done to leave.

Ep 118 “Photo Story Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 3)

The ones where BTS play a Samsung-sponsored game involving getting specific pictures while a spy tries to ruin the fun

4:22 - JM appears to direct JK to go punish Tae and pats JK's back when he starts to obey. Something happens that we don't see when the angle changes - next thing we see, JM seems to be pushing JK? JM then giggles at JK pretending to beat up Tae. (After this, JK spins around like a ballerina. Not jikook-related, just adorable.)

29:51 - JK calls Jimin twice without adding "hyung."

32:28 - JM pulls JK along by the wrist. Meanwhile, J-Hope once again mixes up their names.

32:44 - Though there is now a group walking slowly together and he doesn't need to pull him along anymore, Jimin takes JK's hand again.

37:02 - There are a bunch of seats open in the room, but Jimin walks over to sit right next to JK.

BEHIND 5:40 - When JM tries to steal a post-it from JK, JK scolds him in satoori banmal. JM calls him out for not calling him with hyung and JK quickly apologizes (in a way some k-army jikookers have said is like how a married person would respond to their nagging spouse!).

6:09 - JK and JM meet up and JK tells JM he's exhausted. There's a kind of weird moment that I fully admit I may be reading too much into where JK seems to be walking right towards JM, then abruptly stops and turns, looking at the camera, before walking with Jimin in a different direction than he had been heading. Then, JM says he thinks their matching shirts are hilarious and that it's funny they're wearing them for the show.

Ep 119 “Photo Story Part 2” (Ep: 4 / KM: 3)

8:21 - "You are me, I am you" moment: Jimin does a ballet spin the same way JK did in part one.

11:18 - JK is the only one to vote for JM to be able to keep a picture in other than Jin (who has nefarious reasons for doing so).

29:40 - JM goes over to help JK see how many of his photos the spy ruined and almost falls over laughing when it becomes clear it's nearly all of them.

34:21 - JM puts his hand on JK's shaking leg to help calm him (see above photo), but JK is so irritated that it doesn't work like it usually does. Poor bunny!

35:17 - JM pulls at JK's shirt and hand, then folds over his back while trying to get him to confess that he actually lost.

38:24 - JM has a comforting hand on JK's neck when he's acting upset about losing.

38:32 - When it seems like JK is struggling to come up with an ending statement, JM helps prompt him.

BEHIND

0:55 - JK talks about how amazing it is that Jimin found so many cards.

3:51 - When JK is playing with the sequin art on the front of his shirt, JM leans over and starts rubbing on them, too.

5:11 - Jimin tells JK that, if he wins, he's going to make the loser hike Mt. Achasan. JK asks why he's looking at him when he says that and they both laugh. Jimin pats JK's chest and they laugh even harder. Jin and Tae both have "omg, these two" looks on their faces.

Ep 120 “Reply BTS Village Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

The ones with a real-life Mafia game inexplicably set in a 1970s village. It's... fairly difficult to follow, but the guys are into it and the outfits are great!

24:40 - Jimin breaks character and laughs when asking JK if he's the culprit.

29:40 - Caption: "The air is undeniably tense between Gamer Jeon and Chief Park." Not explicitly jikook, I just find it funny that the writers seem to be playing with some real life relationships, making sope best friends and jikook have tension that leads to banter...

BEHIND

5:34 - When Jimin is playing with the yo-yo, JK expresses concern that he's going to hurt his fingers (caption: Kook is just worrying for his hyung). Then, JK asks poutily and in banmal if he can play with the yo-yo multiple times and Jimins says no. Like, JK straight-up gives his hyung a command ("let me try that") using informal speech and no one bats an eye!

5:58 - Jimin starts singing a song about an ants. JK watches him. JK initially says to Hobi "look, he's a fool/dummy!" (in banmal again), then starts singing along. He jokes that JM doesn't know all the lyrics and Jimin says back "quiet, you."

Ep 121 “Reply BTS Village Part 2” (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

38:48 - After having asked for it a bunch in the Behind of the previous episode, JK now has Jimin's yoyo.

non-jikook note: At the end of this one, they "time travel" to solve a mystery in Joseon-era Korea and I can't express how badly I want to see that. Please come back to that, Run!

BEHIND 0:58 - Jimin and JK play around accusing each other with exaggerated accents and formality. Jimin comes up behind JK and reaches out to touch his shoulder, but stops when Tae joins them and accuses them of plotting together.

9:05 - When JK says everyone else is so good at acting, Jimin compliments him that he was very funny towards the end.

[eelistolvanen]

Bruises that you left behind - Travis Konecny Pt.3

A/N: So since we’ve almost reached 100 notes on Part 2, I finally got the motivation to finish the next part. So thanks to everyone who liked, reblogged or commented! Let me know if you like it! Part 4 is in the works but I’d greatly appreciate some feedback :) 

So here it is, there will finally be some Travis x reader interactions, so buckle up folks ;)

Words: 4.1k

Warnings: Angst, mentions of suspected cheating, no proofread (as usual) 

You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

_____________________________

You were nursing the worst hangover you’ve ever had the morning after. You’d already drunk enough at the party, but after Kevin had left, once he brought you home, you’d downed a entire bottle of red wine in self pity. You weren’t really sure anymore what triggered your episode. You wanted to blame your outburst against Travis on the alcohol, but deep down you knew there was another reason, the alcohol just aided it. After all this time you were still hurt. You’d never really gotten over it.

Getting out of bed proved to be a real struggle. But after half an hour you were sitting at your kitchen island trying to eat some breakfast. The pounding headache had gotten a bit better after taking some painkillers, but was still noticeable.

For a quick moment you though the ringing in your ears reappeared, then you realised that someone had actually rang your doorbell. You could already imagine who was standing behind the door as you approached it. Not entirely ready to face one of his lectures, but you couldn’t really avoid it.

“Damn, you look a lot worse than I expected you to.” This was all you were greeted with as Nolan moved past you into your apartment.

“It’s nice to see you too, Nols.” You scoffed sarcastically.

He sat down at the kitchen island and waited for you to join him. Both of you stayed silent as Nolan let his gaze wander over the mess in your kitchen. Surprisingly, he didn’t comment on it, a quick headshake was all that you got.

“I know Haysey already told you that we didn’t know that he would show, but I just needed to tell you myself. We really didn’t know. He wasn’t even invited and I have no idea why he thought he needed to make an appearance. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You knew that he felt bad, just like Kevin. But it wasn’t their fault. And as much as you wished not to have to see him, you also knew that there always was a chance that you’d crossed paths somewhere.

“It’s fine, Nols. I’m not mad and you did nothing wrong, so no need to apologize. It should probably be me apologizing, after all I’m the one who called his girlfriend a puckbunny, so… “

Nolan chuckled at your words. “I’m pretty sure they’re not dating, so don’t be sorry. I mean, I thought it seemed to be very fitting for her but anyway… Let’s forget about that.”

You gladly accepted. The two of you hung out for another hour or so, before Nolan decided that he probably shut head over to Kelsey’s.

 Sometime in the afternoon Kevin texted you and asked if you wanted to hang out in the evening. You agreed to it even though you knew that Kevin would bring up the whole Travis thing as well.

It did take Kevin surprisingly long til he brought Travis up though. And you knew that this conversation was about to come.

“He called me today.” Kevin didn’t have to name any names for you to know he was talking about him. “And he asked about you.”

You waited for him to keep going but he stayed silent.

“So?” Kevin exhaled loudly and made eye contact with you. “I just thought you wanted to know…”

“Do I?” You couldn’t stop your voice from being laced with poison. You were being rude and you knew it. Kevin never asked to be dragged into this.

“Ahh, I don’t know Y/N. Come on, I’m trying here. Well anyway, he wanted to know about you. What you were doing at the party. Why we went together. Why you’re in Philly.”

You felt irritated. Why on earth would he care. He felt. He had no right to ask Kevin about you.

“So you told him, huh?” You were being unfair, you knew you had to stop acting like a bitch towards Kev, but God you couldn’t help it.

“ No, Y/N! I didn’t. I didn’t tell him anything because I didn’t want you to get hurt-“

“You also told him that he wouldn’t show to the party.” That was low, even for you.

“For fucks sake, Y/N! He wasn’t invited, he wasn’t supposed to show up, okay? I get it, you never wanted to see him again but it’s to late now. Just don’t take your anger out on me, I did nothing wrong.”

You deserved to be called out like this. He was right after all, you had taken it out on him. And Nolan. And neither of them did anything wrong.

“So what do I do now? I mean this is the exact reason why I left that life behind. Because even though you’re my family, it also means that everything I tried to avoid is catching up to me. And I don’t know how to handle that, Kev.”

“But you can’t run away anymore, Y/N. You have to face it. And maybe talking to him would do you good. You know, talking like adults. Civilized.” He meant well but you still felt like he was accusing you.

“Civilized? So I don’t know how to talk civilized?” There was disbelief in your voice. Was he serious?

“No, you do… It’s just that swearing at him and calling him names won’t get you anywhere. That’s all I’m saying.” He was right but you still hated to hear it. There was so much pent up emotion inside you, you had to get rid of it somehow.

“I know what you mean Kev. But I can’t just forgive him…”

“And I’m not asking you to. But I know that you want to know the reason and you won’t get an answer unless you talk to him. An I know he wants to talk to you…”

He was speaking softly, quietly asking you to speak to Travis. You were walking a fine line, you knew that. But you were also painfully aware of the fact that you wouldn’t get any better unless you started to face this. Face him. And your feelings towards him.  

----------------

Every turn Kevin made, made you feel more nauseous. The closer you got to him the more you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“I don’t know if I can do this Kev.” Your voice felt weak, barely above a whisper.

Kevin quickly glanced over to you in the passenger seat. A worried look flashed over his face.

“Yes you can, Y/N. At least try okay? You agreed to meet him and if it gets to much, I’m gonna be waiting in the car, okay? And I’ll keep an eye on you.”

You felt yourself relax slightly. You were still nervous but knowing that Kevin was close by, put you slightly at ease. You had to do this. For you.  

Kevin parked the car in a parking space beside the sidewalk, only meters from the entrance to the park. You hadn’t been here in a while. You hadn’t been here many times anyway. A couple of times with Travis, when you were walking the dogs. It wasn’t your usual spot, which was exactly the reason why you choose it. It didn’t hold any particular memories that could hurt you. You barely even remembered what this park looked like. Kevin pulled you out of your thoughts as he put his hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N. You can do this. And I’m here, okay?” You could feel him squeeze your shoulder as you slowly nodded and got out of the car.

You saw him as soon as you walked through the entrance of the park. He had his back to you and you couldn’t see his face but you would always recognize his silhouette. You felt your heart get heavy. You started to walk towards him, fighting all the urges to turn around and run away from him as fast as you could. He hadn’t noticed you, so you could still pull out. But once you got within a 10 feet he must have heard your footsteps. He wiped around quickly and you were left wondering how this movement didn’t give him whiplash.

“Y/N. You came.” His voice was quiet and he send you a quick smile. It didn’t reach his eyes though, they were filled with sorrow. His sad smile made your heart ache.

You looked at him. For the first time in almost 2.5 years you really looked at him. You almost felt yourself taken aback at the dark rings underneath his eyes. He looked tired, exhausted even and completely worn out. In a way he looked almost the same than he used to. But in some way he also looked like a completely different person. The radiance, the light that he used to give off seemingly had vanished. His bubbliness seemed to have made space for something darker. He looked hollow, almost as if the Travis standing in front of you was a ghost of the man he used to be. To a stranger he probably would have looked completely normal. Physically he hadn’t really changed that much, but all those little things that made Travis Travis weren’t there anymore.

He had noticed your shocked expression as well as you gave him a one over.

“I look like shit, huh?” He was trying to lighten the mood, but if anything it made it worse.

“No no, you just look… different.” You knew he didn’t buy your lie, but you didn’t feel like pity him so you did what you did so well. Turn defensive.

“So your girlfriend let you go and talk to me?” Travis scoffed at your words.

“She’s not my girlfriend. And you don’t have to worry about her, you won’t see her around again.”

“I still shouldn’t have called her a puckbunny. That was low.” You genuinely felt sorry about it. Even if she was one of those girls, calling her out in front of the entire team wasn’t your proudest moment.

Travis chuckled slightly. “Nah, it’s fine.” His expression turned serious again, almost sour. “You and Hayesy, huh?”

At first you didn’t even understand what he meant. It took you a moment to regain your composure.

“What? No, we’re friends. Same as we’ve always been. Nothing more.”

At first he looked sceptical but slowly he seemed to relax. Which then sparked anger inside of you.

“It shouldn’t really be any of your concern though, I mean what do you care? You left me.”

Your emotions were bubbling inside of you. And as hard as you tried tears were scarily close to spill as you tried to choke back your pain.

He groaned loudly. “I know. I fucked up. I made a mistake. And I’m so sorry for doing this to you, Y/N.”

This was too much for you. You couldn’t hold back your emotions anymore. Tears were rolling down your cheeks.

“You just left and I’ve never heard of you since. Not even a single word. Nothing.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. I reached out to you. Afterwards. But it was too late. When I came back to our house the first time after that day, you were gone. Every trace of you had vanished. An I tried to call, but I could never get through to you. And eventually I had to accept that I lost you.”

“Don’t put this on me! What did you expect Travis? That I’d wait around in our house hoping that maybe one day you’d return? That maybe it was all just some sick joke? You left me standing on our wedding day and you don’t get to blame me for trying to pick myself up again and start fresh.”

He stayed silent for a while. The guilt seemed to consume him. He abandoned the most important thing in his life and he knew that you had every right to hate him. He had no right to ask you for forgiveness and he knew that. But that didn’t meant that he wouldn’t at least try to mend the things he broke. You could hear him inhale sharply.

“I know that I hurt you. I fucked up, big time. And I’m painfully aware of it.” Even a complete stranger would have been able to identify the pained expression on Travis’ face. He was being completely honest with you. Not that it mattered though.

“Yeah, you did. You broke me Travis, you realise that, right?” He felt like someone shot a dagger through his heart. He knew he hurt you. Badly. But hearing you say it made it real. He would never be able to forgive himself. And you wouldn’t either, Travis was sure of that.

“I know Y/N, just tell me what I can do to make it better. Please, Y/N! I want to fix this. Fix us.”

He had tears in his eyes. You could see that he wanted to touch you, hug you, comfort you but he also knew that it wasn’t his place to do so anymore. It killed you to see him like that. So broken. How ironic. Both of you broken beyond repair.

“You can’t, Travis. This isn’t something you can fix.” You paused, thinking over your next words.

“You know I wish there was a evident reason, one that I knew back then. That you had some mistress, stopped loving me or something. But… I thought everything was fine. I thought we were great. I had no indication that something went wrong between us and I think this is why it hurts so much. One day everything seemed great and the next… everything was completely shattered.”

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes. Quickly you turned around. You couldn’t do this. Standing across from him, talking to him, hearing his voice. All it did was remind you of the pain he put you through.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”  He tried to reach out to you, catch your arms but you slipped out of his grip before he could get any closer. “Y/N!” But his pleads fell onto deaf ears. You’d already turned your back to him and were walking away as you heard him speak up again. It was quiet but you could hear it clear as day.

“I still love you Y/N! You have to know that. And I will never stop loving you, even if you hate me now.”

A quiet sob escaped your lips. This is why you wanted to stay as far away from his as possible. Nobody was able to hurt you like he did, even if he didn’t intent to. So you kept on walking.

When Travis left the park he caught a glimpse of you, sitting in Kevin’s car, seemingly hugging him. And although he knew that you had been honest with him when he asked you about Kevin, he couldn’t help but feel jealous. Jealous that someone else was the one comforting you now, when it used to be him who held you when you felt like you were falling apart. Jealous that someone else got to go to a Halloween party with you and dress up in stupid costumes. Jealous that someone else got to see you smile now.

Because this should have been him.

 -----------

You were sitting on Nolan’s couch, trying to figure out how your life slipped from you, when you thought you had everything. You tried not to think back to that day, but every time you thought about Travis the memories just kept resurfacing. You couldn’t get his face off your mind, it almost seemed like his image had burned itself into your memory.

Someone ringing the doorbell ripped you from your thoughts.

“Are you expecting anyone?” He didn’t answer, he just gave you a quick headshake before making his way to the door. You didn’t want to eavesdrop but your curiosity took over. You felt yourself freeze as you recognized the voice at the door.

“I need to talk to you, Pat.” There was urgency in his voice, he sounded almost desperate.

You could Nolan calmly reply: “Now is not a good time, Travis.”

“But it’s important. Please.” It really must have been important, considering that Travis didn’t usually begged for someone’s attention like that.

“I.. I can’t, Teeks, I’m busy.“ You couldn’t see Nolan’s face but you could sense the uneasiness in his voice. And of course Travis had picked up on it to.

“You’re busy?... She’s here, isn’t she?” You couldn’t hear Nolan’s answer but the commotion coming from the hallway pretty much gave away that Travis knew that you were here. You could hear Nolan and Travis speaking over each other and moments later you could hear footsteps coming down the Hall. You could hear Nolan telling Travis that he needed to leave.

“I have to talk to her.” With that he appeared in the living room. “Y/N.” It was more breathed over his lips than actually spoken and it instantly send shivers down your spine.

“What are you doing here Travis?” You felt so little, sitting curled up on Nolan’s couch while he was standing in the entry of the living room.  

“Can we talk? Again?” He seemed surprisingly calm. He was wearing a snapback and that yellow hoodie that you used to love so much. He used to radiate almost as much brightness as his hoodie, but now he constantly seemed as if someone dimmed his light. He looked tired, just as the other day.

“We have talked.” You tired to be as cold as possible, trying to shield you from the emotions that were rising inside of you.

“Yeah, and you ran away.” You sucked in air, trying to interject before he spoke up again but you came up empty.

“Please Y/N. And if you feel like it’s too much or you want me to leave I’ll leave, just let me at least try to explain.”

You wouldn’t get rid off him that quickly, so you took a deep breath before nodding.

You led him out of the living room towards Nolan’s bedroom. As much as you wanted Nolan by your side you knew that you needed to have this conversation in private.

Once the door was closed you looked at Travis expectantly. He seemed to be fighting for words.

“So? You wanted to talk. So talk.” You were being cold but you didn’t feel like standing in a room with Travis while the both off you stared at each other in silence. As if there wasn’t already enough tension between the two of you when you spoke.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I-“ You interrupted him. Was he really doing this again?

“Yeah, you already said that.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“And I mean it. And you need to know that. I know that I hurt you. Badly. And there’s nothing that I regret more than walking away that day. I made a mistake and I ruined my life with it. And there’s not a day in my life where I don’t wish I could undo what I’ve done.”

“Well, you can’t Travis! Did they tell you that I tried to come after you? That I tried to track you down? Tried to find you and change your mind? Only to find out that you had packed a bag and already left the country? And then you flew to..”

Your voice broke, your eyes were teary and you felt like you could barely breathe. The guilt on his face made you feel nauseous.

“Why?! Why Travis, just tell me why you did it?” You sounded raspy, you barely recognized your own voice.

“You know why, Y/N.” “No, I don’t! You never bothered to tell me. YOU JUST LEFT, without a word!”

He took a step back in surprise, certainly not expecting this outburst from you.

“You read the letter, I didn’t know how to tell you in person.”

A humourless laugh came from your lips.

“I never read the letter. I burned it.” Your entire body was trembling now. You weren’t sure why though. Maybe you were nervous, anxious even or maybe it was the anger inside of you.  

“You.. burned… the letter.” He was in such shock at your words he nearly seemed to swallow his own tongue. He stood frozen, unable to move even a single muscle. This was the last thing he expected you to admit to him.  

“I just… I don’t get it, Travis! What have I ever done to you to deserve this? What did I do to you to have a reason to leave me standing at the altar?” Your voice softened, ”What happened, Trav?”

He looked like a fish out of water. He was still fighting for words, closing and opening his mouth. If you weren’t so hurt and angry you could have laughed at his expressions.

“I.. I don’t know Y/N. I just couldn’t do it.”

Anger started to rise up in your chest. God, you wanted to punch him. He’d always been a bad liar, you could smell his lies miles away.

“That’s bullshit Travis! We both know that, so stop lying to my face. You know how much I hate lying. You were able to write it in a letter but you can’t say it to my face?!” You tried to calm yourself. Take some deep breaths and steady your breathing. To no luck. Even Travis could see your trembling hands. You let out a shaky breath and kept going: “Was there someone else? Is that it?”

Your jaw clenches at that thought, you really didn’t think that Travis would ever cheat but who knows. You also didn’t think he would leave you on your wedding day but here you where.  Apparently you didn’t knew him as well as you thought you did. He seemed absolutely frozen for a moment, too shocked at your accusation to answer. But his hesitation was leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

“No, Y/N! That’s not the reason-” “So what is it then? God Travis, just tell me. What on earth could have possibly been a reason to break off our engagement? Our relationship. Years spent together and without a warning you left.” You felt yourself starting to crack, a lump started to form in your throat and you knew that you would break soon enough. “ Did you just suddenly, one day to the next, stop loving me? Did you fall out of love? Was I just not good enough for you? What happened, Travis? Why did you leave me?” You weren’t even gonna try to hold back the tears streaming down your face. You just let them all out, sobs racked your body. The anger had left your body now and made way for the endless pain you felt when thinking about that day. You completely broke down in front of him

“Y/N…”

He knew that there was nothing he could say that would ease your pain. The damage was already done. You could feel Travis trying to reach out to you, but you pushed him away. You couldn’t see the expression on him face but if you did, you’d seen the agony that mirrored yours. When you let out a sorrowful quiet cry, he couldn’t compose himself anymore. He couldn’t watch you being in this much pain. He’d never hated himself more than in this moment. He knew that he was the reason for all this pain. So he fled the room.

Nolan stormed into the room only seconds later. Wrapping his body around his, as if he was trying to keep all the broken pieces together. And for what felt like eternity he just held you like that, at least you knew that he wasn’t going to let go of you.

“I think there was someone else, Nolan.” You broke the silence first, knowing that Nolan would give you as much time as you needed. The confused look Nolan gave you now, told you that he wasn’t exactly following what you were saying.

“That’s why he left. There was someone else. That-“ Nolan interrupted you before you could get another word out.

“This can’t be. Someone would have known. He would have told someone by now. I mean, did he admit that there was someone else?”

“Not technically, but he kinda hesitated when I brought it up. And he also didn’t actively deny it, so..”

Your voice started to cut out and you could feel the lump in your throat form. You were so sure of it now that you thought about it. His hesitation, the way he deflected the question. This had to be the reason. There was nothing else that could have been the reason.

“There was someone else, I just know it.”

Part 4 

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Killabustas (S2, E9)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:00 - Are the birds flying past Malcolm’s apartment supposed to be an omen for the rest of the season? Or just some foreshadowing for the bird-heavy episode? .....I’m probably reading wayyy too much into this.

0:12 - Ugh. Someone give this sweet cinnamon roll a hug. He’s spiralling. He is so close to having a total mental breakdown and it breaks my heart. (but like, I also want to see it because emotional whump is my favourite).

0:23 - “How can I trust you? I know what you did.” This. This is what’s killing Malcolm. The fear that if Gil, Dani, JT, and Edrisa find out what he did for Ainsley they won’t trust him. He’s afraid they’ll abandon him. He’s afraid that they’ll hate him as much as he already hates himself. ISTG the moment they all find out (or tell Malcolm what they suspect) Malcolm will break. That will be the metaphorical straw that breaks the camel’s back. 

0:34 - Anyone else think Malcolm looks completely adorable (yet super sad and scared) when he’s focusing on painting? <3

0:45 - “Why must everything you paint have an exit wound?” I love that this suggests that this isn’t the first mother-son painting session. <3 hahaha

0:47 - “It’s a pear.” It’s heartbreaking that Malcolm didn’t even realize that his pear was bleeding. C’mon Jessica, it’s time for an intervention. Malcolm is breaking in front of you. DO SOMETHING. 

1:01 - NO. DAMN IT FEDAK. I wanted to see Malcolm’s reaction when Jessica told him she was writing a memoir. I wanted to see it so badly. I wanted to see him panic about the fact that she was inevitably going to disclose information about his childhood that he’d rather not have public. 

1:09 - “How much worse you really are.” OOOOOOOOOOHHHH SHIT. I can’t believe he said that to his Mother’s face. hahahaha OMG. Malcolm is a little shit head and I love him. Well, at least I know he’s upset about the fact that she’s writing this book. His jab at Jessica proves that much.

1:42 - Is Malcolm playing matchmaker here? hahaha or is he just trying to get Jessica out of his loft ASAP?

1:53 - “Why didn’t they call me?!?” Can you hear the sound of my heart breaking? I understand why they didn’t call him in on this one BUT it’s not helping Malcolm’s mental health. On top of the fear that he is becoming his father, the stress of covering up a murder, the fear that his sister is going to become a serial killer, his childhood trauma, and usual mental health issues - Malcolm is afraid he’s going to be abandoned if the team finds out about Endicott. This is reinforcing those fears. 

1:55 - “Where should I start?” At least Jessica can see how much pain Malcolm is in. I wish she’d do something constructive about it.

2:00 - “Forget to call someone?” Something about the way Malcolm waltzes into the frame and delivers that line is super endearing. He’s like a little kid running after his older siblings and their friends when they tried to go to the mall without him. <3 

2:05 - Why the hell didn’t Gil just pull a 1x12 on Malcolm and insist Malcolm take a holiday? Hell - he could’ve gotten Jessica to enforce it. The fact that Gil is being super distant with Malcolm is not helping Malcolm’s very fragile mental health. GIL I’M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU (and I have been all season....) :(

 2:12 - “Trauma’s my middle name.” Okay so 1) what is Malcolm’s middle name? If it’s Martin please tell me he changed it when he changed his last name. 2) At least we got a small papa!Gil moment this episode. <3 

2:26 - “Fine.” This is Gil terrified. Remember what Gil said in 1x12? “He was losing it. I mean, I could see that. But I was afraid that I’d lose him.” That’s why Gil is letting Malcolm on this case. He knows Malcolm is losing it and he’s terrified of what Malcolm might do to himself with time on his hands. Gil doesn’t think Malcolm should be working but he knows it’s the only thing he can do to help Malcolm in the short term. 

2:42 - hahahaha Gil’s taken-aback look when Malcolm starts not-so-subtly being a member of the Gillica fan club. hahaha <3

3:00 - Okay. I’m done. Edrisa can’t still think she and Malcolm might happen. I can’t handle this blantant one-sided worship anymore and I’m so glad it’s ending this episode (I hope).

3:07 - “and also, you’re bleeding.” <3 JT looking out for Bright. <3 

3:12 - “Oh. I thought that this was your hobby?” <3 Dani teasing Bright. <3 I love that Dani, Edrisa, and JT are at least giving Malcolm some positive attention right now. It’s good for his fragile mental state. <3 

3:40 - The directing is really good this episode. I’m not usually a person who notices that kind of thing but DAMN. 

“It’s an expression of power and control.” “Sounds like someone with serious anger issues.” Yikes. Why do the ‘cases of the week’ always relate back to Malcolm’s current mental health crisis?!? Malcolm dismembered a body (for Ainsley but still). Now he’s profiling that the act of dismembering a body is an expression of power and control. That reinforces his fear that he’s becoming like Martin. Dani’s distaste and offhanded comment about anger issues won’t help Malcolm’s very real fear of abandonment. Hell, it’s compounding his fears that he’s like his father - the man obsessed with power and control who has a nasty temper when things don’t go his way. 

4:09 - “Our killer derived pleasure from this.” Dani looks terrified when Malcolm says this. Is it just because she thinks this is a gross and scary murder scene? Or is it because she’s connecting the Malcolm+Endicott dots?

4:11 - “budding homicidal psychopath” is this supposed to be foreshadowing that Malcolm is becoming a psychopath? The writers have been suggesting that Malcolm enjoyed cutting up the body all season. .....and I don’t want the story to go that way. Please no.

4:15 - “I think I just became a vegetarian.” hahahaha JT is my hero. I love this dude and his dry but humorous comments.

4:26 - Once again - I can’t rewatch the Martin+Capshaw scenes. Once was more than enough. My basic thoughts on this particular scene? Capshaw and Martin are both gross. I think Martin is desperate for physical contact and Capshaw knows it. I think Capshaw is manipulating Martin (why is a mystery to me). I also think Martin is manipulating Capshaw so he can use her to help him escape.....I do however think Martin is a heterosexual male who is full of lust and physical desires. (which is really gross to me - a sex-repulsed asexual).

 6:22 - I have a serious love-hate relationship with this scene. On one hand, Gil is clearly so so so concerned about Malcolm here and it warms my cold dead heart. On the other hand, the fact that he sends Dani to talk to Malcolm instead of just talking to Malcolm himself kind of pisses me off. Gil’s been really distant with Malcolm all season and it’s killing me. BUT I also kind of understand why Gil is passing off Malcolm to Dani (I don’t agree with it but I digress). All season the writers have been pushing the Brightwell relationship. We’ve seen a lot of really good meaningful conversations between Dani and Malcolm. At this point in time, it appears that Malcolm is willing to open up to Dani more than anyone else. Think about it. Even in season 1 - Malcolm never really opened up to Gil about his mental health. Gil knows that Malcolm won’t talk about his mental health with him - so he’s sending in the expert (Dani). I’m not happy about this but I kind of get it. 

6:39 - OMG. Malcolm excitedly sliding into the room is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. <3

6:44 - “What are you guys talking about?” “You.” Exhibit A. If Malcolm had just responded with “what? why?” or Gil had followed up his statement with “we’re worried about you” we could’ve had a meaningful conversation about Malcolm’s mental health. Right. Here. BUT Malcolm knows why they’re talking about him. Malcolm is deflecting. He doesn’t want to talk about this with Gil. So he rolls his eyes and walks away. Gil shouldn’t have let Malcolm off the hook so easily. :( 

7:36 - “There’s a special place in hell for people who hurt birds.” Ugh. I just want to hug this little cinnamon roll. <3 

7:55 - “Where’d this murder board come from?”  hahahaha I love how JT’s constant mood is “I work with crazy people”. 

8:07 - “You’re a web sleuth.” I love that JT somehow manages to get across that he thinks Edrisa is a complete weirdo but he respects the hell out of her. Also - the fact that JT teases the people he loves is so cute to me. 

8:31 - “Ouf.” This was funny but it also felt a little ooc? Like wouldn’t Gil just cross his arms and say “Edrisa” as a gentle but stern warning? 

8:53 - Does Edrisa have no filter or do people really think about sex this often? As an asexual, I’m genuinely asking.

8:55 - I love how uncomfortable Gil and JT get every time Edrisa starts talking about sex and/or reproductive anatomy. hahaha

9:37 - Did Martin ever kill animals? As a teenager maybe? 

9:47 - “They have all the control over this cages, seemingly inferior creature.” ....is this supposed to be a subtle reference to the Martin/Capshaw thing? Capshaw being the killer and Martin being the inferior animal she’s controlling? 

10:15 - Nope. I’m out. Can’t do it. So gross. 

11:00 - “It’s super gross.” Malcolm is all of us. 

11:08 - Soooo is Martin fantasizing about killing Capshaw after they do sexy things (hopefully consensual ones)?

11:52 - “Oh I’m already crazy.” This is somehow adorable and completely heart shattering. Malcolm is hiding his pain behind humour but he genuinely believes that he’s crazy. :( 

12:00 - Is this the only conversation Malcolm and Edrisa have ever had without Edrisa hero-worshiping Malcolm?......I like it?!?! These two are total weirdos and should definitely be besties.

13:14 - Damn. Edrisa is shining in this episode. <3 <3 

13:33 - “No. You won’t” hahaha JT being the team big brother is so cute. 

13:46 - “You coming?” Malcolm is so soft here. <3 <3 

14:00 - I love everything about this scene. I love how Dani opens up to Bright - even though it’s clearly still painful for her to talk about. I love how attentive and caring Malcolm is. I love how in character they both are. Malcolm is trying to deflect his problems. I love how Malcolm is 100% aware that Dani doesn’t believe his “I’m fine” bs. Dani is trying to get him to open up by sharing some of her own demons with him. Dani looks upset and worried that Malcolm won’t open up - but not surprised. 

15:00 - “I pulled a Bright.” hahahaha OMG. I love that Dani and Malcolm don’t question this expression at all. It suggests that the team has used the phrase “pulling a Bright” before and I am here for it. 

15:27 - This is what I call ‘passively suicidal’. Yes, Malcolm jumps in front of that car because he thinks it will help him solve the case. Yes, it’s technically an action motivated by the will to live. HOWEVER, he doesn’t move out of the way when Dani tells him to. That car is driving slowly. He doesn’t move. Because he’s in a mental state where he doesn’t care if he lives or dies. He has moments when he cares about life (like solving a case) but those just aren’t enough anymore. Yes, he looks a little alarmed when the car approaches him - but I honestly doubt Malcolm is frozen in fear. 

15:56 - “You had the right of way. He can’t sue.” Holy shit. First of all - I immediately think Ashton is a douche. Secondly - is this how America works?!?! In Canada we teach our drivers that the ‘pedestrian always has the right of way’.

16:11 - “My super close friends from online.” Honestly - I feel called out. This is how I must sound when mention my internet friends to my family.

16:25 - Sooooo we’re all in agreement right? The fact that Malcolm has hit the left side of his head without medical treatment this many times = 1) mental breakdown sometime before the end of the season or 2) a way to get him out of taking the fall for Endicott.

16:38 - *sigh* can someone please hug this man!?!? He just can’t catch a break. This whole conversation between Malcolm and hallucination!Martin is heartbreaking. It shows that on some level even Malcolm knows he’s going to break soon because his mental health is in tatters. 

17:23 - “She’s not like the others.” Who are the ‘others’? Are these the other people that Malcolm’s had a romantic interest in? Are ‘others’ friends from Malcolm’s past? Or are the others Gil, Edrisa, and JT?  

17:34 - Ugh. Floppy haired. Bruised. Sad. My whump heart is so full. 

17:56 - Does Malcolm not go on the internet? He didn’t know what a sock puppet is? (granted, I’m 24 and I didn’t know either).

18:04 - The firefighter’s name is BLAZE (Blaise)?!? Are you kidding me?

18:24 - “No. No, it isn’t.” Damn. JT is worried about Malcolm. Just look at him. 

18:51 - Do I think it’s weird that this dude is so openly flirting with Edrisa in the middle of a police questioning?!? HELL YES. Do I think it’s weird that Edrisa’s allowed in the questioning??!!? HELL YES. Am I glad they’re giving Edrisa a love interest who isn’t Malcolm? OH HELL YES. ....also Edrisa and Blaze are kind of cute? Like they’re both weirdos and they’re both into each other so ...?!!?

19:47 - Wow. This whole “Killabustas police interrogation” scene is painfully hard to rewatch. Like - the dialogue makes absolutely no logical sense but it had to be there for the plot? Everything is just too convenient. The pamphlets. The fact that these members were all so quick to meet IRL. The fact that these dudes were able to track Alex down so quickly....I mean....who is buying this nonsense?!?!

20:05 - Ugh my asexual ass can’t handle the amount of horny people in this episode. 

20:18 - Anyone else think it’s strange that Gil referred to Malcolm as “Bright” to Jessica?!? I mean, Jessica is Malcolm’s mother. PLUS it feels like Gil is trying to emotionally distance himself from Malcolm?!? 

20:24 - “Remind me to take Malcolm out of my will.” hahahahaha OMG. I love Jessica so much.

20:44 - These Jessica/Gil scenes were a highlight of the episode for me. They’re just so cute. I love how supportive Gil is. I love how Jessica isn’t repressing her feelings with booze during this episode. I love how open about her insecurities Jessica is with Gil. I love how happy they both look. <3 <3 <3 <3 

21:24 - “Some still do.” YES!!!! YES!!!! Keep flirting Gil!!! Don’t give up on her!!! <3 <3 

21:45 - Holy shit. How much does Edrisa get paid?!?! This is a rich person apartment. I’m shook. 

23:05 - Again. I must fast forward through the nasty romantic manipulation that is the Capshaw+Martin scene. The sexual tension made me nauseous the first time. But I WILL say that I think the black guard in this scene - Mr. Benjamin will be the dude Martin maims next episode (from the previews) - not Mr. David. Either that or the black patient in the room. 

25:25 - “Watch out. I bite.” ........I have no words. My asexual ass is shocked, disgusted, and .....kind of proud of Edrisa for going after what she wants (even if she’s super crass about it). 

26:03 - “That’s a seriously twisted mind.” “Sure. The kind I get.” This whole scene is heartbreaking. I honestly can’t tell if Malcolm is projecting himself, Ainsley, or both of them onto the suspect. “He killed for attention” - sounds like Ainsley to me. “Alex was going to out him to the group” ......HOLY SHIT. Does this mean Ainsley’s going to try and kill Malcolm and/or Jessica because she think’s they’ll rat her out?!?!?! “It’s about preserving the group. The Vulture needs them.” - That sounds like Malcolm to me. Malcolm doesn’t want to tell the team about Ainsley because he needs them and he’s scared they’ll abandon him if they find out about Ainsley. 

27:10 - I’m getting secondhand embarrassment from the west coast of Canada.

27:21 - “Our killer would never order take out.” Weak, Malcolm. Weak excuse. 

27:40 - annnnnndd this scene was a hard skip for me. I can’t watch Martin and Capshaw prepare to do sexy things. Nope. ALTHOUGH, I will say: Capshaw’s story about how she ended up in Claremont is interesting. Whether it’s true or not is debatable but it definitely shows that Capshaw is manipulative and creepy like Martin. I have a very strong feeling that Capshaw is a psychopath, serial killer, or sociopath. 

31:00 - Edrisa checking out Malcolm’s loft is everything I dreamed it would be. The fact that she’s clearly in awe of his weapons collection. The fact that she has no regard for his privacy and just starts going through his fridge and sleeping area. The fact that she so openly comments and judges the stuff in his loft (ie. restraints on the bed, lack of food in the fridge). It’s perfect. 

31:27 - “This is the fridge of a very sad person.” LMAO. I love this line so so so much. I love how Edrisa seems to be realizing for the first time just how broken Malcolm is. I love how sheepish Malcolm looks when she unintentionally calls him out. I love how amused Dani is by the whole situation. <3 <3 

32:00 - annnndddd the Killabustas have taken over Malcolm’s loft. They don’t ask for permission to set up his TV. They don’t awkwardly hang out near the door until Malcolm invites them to ‘make themselves at home’ or any of the other common pleasantries us North Americans go through when we visit the homes of acquaintances. They walk right in and claim ownership. It’s kind of beautiful? 

32:13 -......so did they already have Malcolm’s wifi password or am I expected to believe that they either a) have a mobile hotspot, b) are using data, c) web-sleuthed their way into hacking his wifi, or d) Malcolm had his wifi password written down somewhere super obvious inside the house?!?! This is honestly the most unrealistic thing about this episode. It’s 2021. The first time you visit a friend’s house you ask for their wifi password. It’s what you do. 

33:28 - Ok. I like the kiss on the cheek. Very respectful. She clearly would’ve been down for more but he’s a gentleman and I respect the hell out of it. 

33:48 - “I’m sorry Blaze is so jacked.” hahaha OMG Edrisa - Malcolm’s not romantically interested in you. He never has been. Read the room woman!

36:11 - Ashton is Malcolm in this scene. “I’ve been a freak my whole life. I had nothing until that bird video. Suddenly, I was a part of something.” == “I’ve been a freak my whole life. I had nothing until I joined the team. Suddenly, I was a part of something.”

36:38 - “Ashton, it won’t work. Family will only go so far. Because once they know the truth - who they’re really after - they’ll give up on you. And no more family.” Ouch. This hurts. Malcolm genuinely believes that Gil, Dani, JT, and Edrisa are going to abandon him the second they find out what he did for Ainsley. Malcolm thinks they’re going to hate him. Malcolm thinks they’re going to think he’s like Martin - a criminal. A killer. Look at how broken Malcolm looks and sounds here. It’s not just that Malcolm thinks he’s going to be abandoned. It’s that he thinks he deserves to be abandoned. He thinks he’s a monster. 

 37:02 - EDRISA!!! DAMN. I love this badass. <3 <3 So proud of the girl who literally had a panic attack in 1x15 when she had to save a that ‘almost-victim’ by injecting alcohol into him. 

38:05 - My heart is so full. This is honestly one of my top 10 moments of Prodigal Son to date. I love that we see Gil’s new car. I love that he’s working on his car in a police mechanic shop. I love this little glimpse into Gil’s personal life  - the man who likes fixing up old cars with a cold beer while listening to 80s music in an boombox from the 80s. <3 I love the absolute adorableness that is Jessica and Gil awkwardly flirting. 

I love that Jessica - the rich socialite - holds Gil’s wrench without question. Even though she looks a little confused. I love that Jessica comes to Gil this time. He’s been instigating the flirting most of this season. It looks like Jessica’s finally ready to be an equal partner in the relationship.

I love that Jessica - the rich socialite - takes a drink of Gil’s working-class beer with a smile. His social class isn’t beneath her. She doesn’t care about how rich he is - just about the purity of his intentions and the depth of his devotion to her family. 

39:00 - “Oh I remember her. How fiercely she protected her kids.” I LOVE THIS. I love that Gil is attracted to Jessica’s devotion as a mother. I love that the fact that she had children with another man (a serial killer) doesn’t bother him. He loves how fierce, independent, and strong she is and that’s absolutely gorgeous. 

I love who wholesome their romantic moment is. Unlike Edrisa and Martin’s live scenes - it’s not fast, heavy, and physical. It’s slow, gentle, and emotional. Gil and Jessica dance like an old married couple when the song they danced to at their wedding comes on the radio. 

I love the setting of the scene. How they’re dancing in a dirty mechanic’s shop. Jessica is dressed like the rich woman she is and Gil is wearing a plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows. The contrast is striking and beautiful. I love that Jessica isn’t trying to make Gil fit into her social status. She’s not dragging him to rich people galas and forcing him to dress or act like someone he’s not (although he would so do that for her). She’s hanging out with Gil on his turf and she’s delighted about it. <3 

 40:08 - “Do you think you can ever really know someone?” Isn’t this what Malcolm said to Gil in 1x17 as the whole Endicott thing was boiling? You know - a few episodes before the team arrests Malcolm in his loft when he’s in the middle of a mental crisis?!? Is this foreshadowing for the next mental health breakdown?!? (Hopefully a fully mental health breakdown this time?!?!)

40:18 - “Masquarading as someone he wasn’t” Yikes. Malcolm truly believes he’s lying to the team just because he’s not acting like a monster. Malcolm has truly convinced himself that he is his father’s son. 

40:45 - I don’t even care how you feel about Brightwell. The fact that Dani is the only person this whole season who has told Malcolm that he’s not a monster makes her the greatest friend he could ever ask for. 

40:51 - “Ever since Nicholas died.” ....well Dani isn’t a moron so if she didn’t connect the dots before she will now. If we don’t get an intervention next episode I’m going to throw hands. 

40:57 - Why. Does. Martin. Have. To. Ruin. Every. Chance. Malcolm. Gets. To. Begin. To. Heal?!?!

41:16 - “ooooohhhh here comes the kiss” .....honestly though. Martin is every Brightwell shipper.

41:20 - I respect the hell out of Malcolm for shutting Dani down like this. Yes - he absolutely should’ve come clean with her. HOWEVER, he clearly isn’t ready to share this burden and the fact that he shut down the progress of any romantic relationship is really good. Because Dani would be SO MAD if they started dating while he was actively lying to her. It would be the end of their friendship. Forget your Brightwell ship - they wouldn’t even be friends. 

41:40 - “Why are you ruining this!?” Dani had to have heard this. Even if she didn’t....Malcolm was pretty obviously glancing over her shoulder at hallucination!Martin before she left. There’s no way Dani - a detective - won’t be able to figure out that Malcolm is hallucinating. I WANT A MENTAL HEALTH INTERVENTION. NEXT EPISODE. I’M MANIFESTING IT INTO EXISTANCE. EVEN THOUGH I DON’T TRUST FEDAK TO GIVE IT TO ME. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HUG MALCOLM. 

42:06 - Honestly thought Capshaw was going to beat the crap out of Friar Pete here. This woman is unstable. Mark my words. She’s going to kill someone (if she hasn’t already). 

I know I kind of shat on this episode a bit but I honestly really liked it? I loved the character development it gave us. Even if the plot was pretty subpar. 

Thanks for hanging out. See you next week. <3 :) 

[life-rewritten]

START UP- DOSAN AND JIPYEONG AND THEIR RISK/STORM

SYMBOLISMS IN EPISODE 9 AND 10 OF START UP

So here we are, Dalmi has finally found out the truth this week in Start Up. Her reaction is understandable and it even hurts even more to see the people involved in her heartbreak and sadness. Dosan and Jipyeong. This episode was show casing their own emotions, as we’re about to get a change coming soon, something is about to push our characters away from each other so that they grow and mature and rediscover who they really want/love. But before we get to next week’s separation and Dalmi’s first choice, let’s look at the symbols for this episode. 

The title for episode 9 was Risk( Doing something with the possibility of loss)  and Episode 10 was Demoday (an event where business owners show case their achievements in hopes for investments/promotions)

So from these two titles you can already see how this revolves again around the love triangle. We have to look at how the guys connect to these two titles when it comes to Dalmi. So let’s look at all the symbolisms/ meta used this episode. 

Risk: The possibility of losing 

Both guys are both at risk of losing everything. In my previous analysis I talked about how Dosan percieves he’s at the losing end every time it comes to being percieved as someone worthy, but also Jipyeong showed in episode 9 that he felt it was unfair that he could lose everything he cares about and wants when he’s been involved from the beginning. For Dosan the main thing he was losing was Dalmi’s love and respect for him. He was in love with her, and he’d finally entered a relationship with her since their kiss. They’ve become intimate and close and she saw him as her life partner. (co owner of her 71% shares). For Dosan, Dalmi was everything to him, the only thing he didn’t want to give up on. But if you noticed apart from looking how he felt about Fate being in his way because of his guilt of cheating when he was young, he still was making progress slowly and had accepted that he had to tell her who he was. He now understood it was time despite how afraid he was (he was so scared he drank to run away from his problems) but he still chose to make that risk. In the show the sandbox CEO lady talks about risk to In Jae, she explains what it means to make a choice that has a possibility of loss, she understood and empathised with those who had lost something. 

It's the same with Dosan; it might seem like choosing with the possibility of losing can lead to him losing everything if this girl finds out who he is, but in business terms sometimes risks lead to reward/success, risks lead to something finally happening, and sometimes risks can be hurtful and can lead to a loss. Thing is Dosan thinks he's the one who will lose everything, but honestly the storm is the Risk that leads him to his success. Another sad point for Jipyeong who seems like he's not really at Risk because he's the original Nam do san, but he's ironically the Most at Risk of losing everything he wants; Dalmi and the grandmother by his side. Because you could see it when Dosan took them on that date that he'd been replaced and he'd been cast aside.  Jipyeong believed that by telling Dalmi how he felt; he’d have her open to finally choosing him and liking him the way she already did before. In fact it’s probably done the opposite it’s made Dalmi realise her fantasy with that letter and its made her compare it to the actual relationship and person Dosan has been to her. It might not seem like a risk for him for Dalmi to know about him but it ended up being one. This brings me to the next title

 Demo day

The person who Dalmi said she wanted to show up was Dosan, yes it was the version of her fantasy Dosan: the ideas she had about him; he'd still be a genius, rich. modest, successful etc. But it was still Dosan she wished for to show up when her world crumbled. With Jipyeong she realised he cared but she was bothered because she felt guilty and burdened by the fact that she was now into the other Dosan, that now she had her real Dosan revealed to her but he wasn’t the person she had started to invest her feelings in. Remember title is demo day, the boys are putting on a show for Dalmi’s investment, for her to promote them as her choice. Dosan feels like he has nothing to offer but his hands but he still shows her he cares, he advances (whilst people thought it was stalkery Jipyeong was doing the same but it isn’t about the stalking you need to focus on its about who’s showing up) he shows up when she’s drunk, he shows up in the morning straight away to see her after their fight, he shows up directly to her face,  at the end to tell her to let go of her fears and trust in the company. 

What he says about her being CEO is also about himself, its a metaphor, nothing about him was fake, she was right to trust and believe and be confident about their relationship. He was genuinely in love with her. JIpyeong also shows up sometimes, he shows up at the restaurant and admits to her how he feels but he still lags behind, he still avoids her directly, yeh he tried to be a mentor for the CEOs to see her and he did tell her to have her confidence and go on stage choose the right investors but it wasn’t showing up directly, it was again to everyone hidden as an advice, we might see what he’s doing but it wasn’t as obvious or direct and it didn’t have an effect on her sorry I just have to say it and  it doesn't still doesn’t do anything to help her confidence, he is helpful (the questions to help her feel confident but again its Dosan he gives that to not her directly do you see what I mean.) The only direct thing he did was tell her he likes her and that he went to see her in that far away town because he likes her. That’s nice and all but we saw more than one time when Dosan went to Dalmi directly. Jipyeong waited for opportunities to find a reason but Dosan forced opportunities to be there. And sadly the last time for him to show up (Plan B) is blocked by Dosans friends. And I feel bad for him because he’s waiting for an opportunity to show up for her, but he’s stopped and so he’s behind yet again.

 But for Demo day just remember the person Dalmi said she wanted to see a show from was Dosan, he’s one she wanted to invest her feelings in, he’s the one she wanted to return back to (the moments she spent with him that day he showed up in the suit), its also Dosan who tries to put on another show (by running to go wear the suit when she’s drunk) he misses the opportunity but again he’s the one who’s showing/demoing his feelings for her the most. But also the person who we learn about his achievements; the origin, his opinions, his feelings is Dosan. He’s the one who we just watched the previous episode talk about his winnings. He felt like he had none but we know thats wrong. Alex shows up to show him he’s worth investing in. He’s the one who is being invested in for his qualities/ achievements in an episode called Demoday. That’s how I saw the metaphor for demo day. Okay for symbols:

Gust of wind vs the storm:

It's a fascinating symbolism. In this episode it's linked to Dosan. But I can't help but remember it was also mentioned to Jipyeong by Yeongsil as his fortune in episode 1; Dalmi was the gust of wind that was entering his life again. I think this symbolism is another painful ironic metaphor for both Dosan and Jipyeong. Also I want to mention that it wasn't just a metaphor we also saw a physical image of this happening, its the rain towards the end of episode 9 (rain symbolises an impending storm /disaster is coming). Dosan was not hit by the rain, Jipyeong was. Let me explain further:

Dosan says that the wind is actually a storm to him, its causing harm and its always pushing him away and always leaving him with just devastation, but actually its Jipyeong who the wind is cruel to. Hear me out, the wind represents Fate, so we already know the wind is on Dosan's side, it provides him with the answers, it gives him Dalmi, it provides him all he wants but he thinks its by deceit. He is apprehensive and is always guilty waiting for the storm to hit because he believes its a punishment when he receives these rewards, but he doesn't see that the storm is not a problem to him.

It may seem like it because he's losing his family's love and respect (once they find out the truth,)  Dalmi's love and respect (once she finds out the truth), he feels used by the wind but discarded in the storm because he doesn't deserve anything. But the storm is there to actually to push him to get and keep all that he has been given: The storm leads him to finally opening up to his dad, but really his dad is going to realise he's still a genius, he's still going to have Samsan Tech be successful because of Dosans hard work and Noongil. Dosan is going to be forced to prove that he can be a genius; the storm moves him to achieve those rewards for real finally. It's on his side.

For  Dalmi; the storm finally eliminates that bug (remember that tiny issue that can ruin all they have, that he mentioned he wanted to eliminate) He's been wanting to remove that bug. So Fate did it for him, it may seem like its caused him to lose Dalmi but we all know it hasn't instead now she sees him, and she now realises who she likes, Dosan is closer to actually being with Dalmi because of this stupid storm. The storm is not there to hurt or discard Dosan; it's there to push him forcefully to the end goal of his desires, it's giving him what he wants forcefully he just doesn't realise it.

It’s Jipyeong who that gust of wind is actually hurting, it’s Jipyeong who is being discarded in the storm, he's the one who's even left behind, it's like great that Dalmi returns into his life, it leads him to back to wanting to fulfil his debt to the grandmother, that's his wants before Dalmi came about in his life, the wind provided him with a way to do so with Dosan, but then he crossed the line, he started to become an obstacle to Fates plans, and so it seems like the wind is pushing Dalmi to him. Still, it's not, its a storm, it's going to hurt, he's going to lose everything just like he was the one who was hit the rain, he's actually in the one in the storm, left behind and discarded. Dalmi had left to give Dosan the umbrella remember? Dalmi was already on her way to protect Dosan from the storm, Jipyeong only had the grandmother, and she had just told him that he was going to have to be left behind. Cruel right?  

Honestly writing this makes me hurt for him but the show has decided who's the main character, and who's the one for Dalmi, as much as Jipyeong is going to be hurt by all this, he's destined for something else, and whenever that person comes, he'll be shielded from the storm.

The road ends here/Taking a wrong turn

Like with the storm, Dosan and Dalmi drive for a while and reach a sign saying the road ends here, this is foreshadowing there is no other place Dosan can go now in their relationship. Fate has brought them together to manifest both their dreams. But now its time for them to separate for now. For their goals to be met, for them to be equal again to each other, or perfect for each other again, they need to end this saga. Whilst this seems like a storm again because they both lose each other for a while, I don't think it is. 

Dalmi is on her way now to realising she's the girl of Sandbox and now she's going to be on her way to becoming the very CEO she was destined to become, the very vision of Sandbox. She's destined to become great and fulfil her father's dreams, this is important because you can see that with Samsan Tech she's not fully reaching her potential (I wonder if she'll stop being CEO and start to make a new idea or if she'll become a better CEO of the company as Dosan is away) this is why her sister has a go at her and mocks her for really not living up to the image of the girl on the swings, she's still lagging a bit on her destiny. Dalmi needs to learn what she wants for her self, and not just rely on others anymore, its time for her to become the boss and find her voice and find her own choices. Dosan needs to be separated from her to refind her self again. But this is why Fate has set up a way for them to do that: Alex.  

For Dosan we all know he needs to become the fulfilled version of his potential, the suit guy, he needs to go now and learn, become experienced, become knowledgable but also become successful because of his own reputation. He needs to see how good he is. So he'll return and become the guy Dalmi begged him to show up as, that same guy that took her breath away, the same reputation she had of him before, and the ideal guy that he's meant to be. And he also needs Alex, a mentor who believes in him and knows his strengths to do so. So you the see the road does end here for Dalmi and Dosan. Maybe Fate has done what was needed for both of them for their destiny, now perhaps they won't be perfect for each other anymore, and now Jipyeong can show up and do something else. But I still think these two are meant for each other; I still see Dosan showing up three years later as someone who is Dalmi’s soulmate this time himself, no guilt, no lies, no luck involved, this time all just him. And I still see Dalmi seeing him as her partner no matter what growth/regressions they go through. However, this does mean there is a chance Dosan can finally not be endgame; it depends on how he changes.

Fixed star vs moon

But then we come back to this metaphor/symbolism that makes me change my mind and decide that no Dosan is the endgame. The fixed star, Dalmi calls Dosan as they look up at the stars. First of all the star metaphor points to all I've already been saying, Dosan feels insignificant to the moon (Jipyeong), feels smaller, not noticed, not as appreciated I guess. Still, then Dalmi tells him that no he's a fixed star, and he’s bigger than the moon even if it seems brighter and bigger on the surface/visually, the star is bigger to her and its more important that its fixed. It matters more to her if he sticks around and that those stars do have meaning and importance. The fixed star though foreshadows he won't be going anywhere in her heart; he'll stay fixed, he'll stick around no matter if they separate. 

Jipyeong vs Fate

Which brings me back to symbolisms used in this episode to show all these points further. The thing I can only mention is, it really does suck for Jipyeong because Fate has already decided on a winner; Fate has used him as a tool for these twos path. And that's why I keep repeating that he was destined to play a mentor/older brother to these two, each time he tries to cross that line, it's not useful, it's not important, and it's not needed. Although you can argue that his Plan B for being Dalmis savior/investor is necessary but now we have 2STO, so he's not needed again, you can say that all his advice is required in order to make Dalmi feel confident and secure, but it doesn't she's still worried and insecure until Dosan tells her to just trust her self. You can argue he's needed to make Dalmi happy but again he's replaced by someone who does that automatically. 

It's sweet all his efforts and energy towards trying to be useful and needed, but unfortunately, he comes too late. If he's not late there's an alternative, he's always there; he's the advice for the recording, he's the introduction to Dosan, the one he wrote the letters, the grandma's good boy by her side (yet he doesn't know about her blindness), he's the guy who went to get Dalmi from that far away town, the one who provided her with new shoes, he's the owner of Yeongsil,  but unfortunately he's just the tool not the solution/ he may be there and be of use but its not the final thing needed.

He's like a spark of an idea, he's important and useful and leads to things to happening but he's not the final product/final creation. He's the idea/spark for her ideal guy but Dosan is the fulfilment of it, Dosan is the actual version of it.

 It really sucks and this is why I would have a second lead syndrome for him, because whilst it's really obvious to everybody that he is there for Dalmi. Still, Dosan is the one Fate chose but Jipyeong is actually also appealing, needed and useful just not enough. It's ironic because just as Shaha said Jipyeong is the surface choice,  when really we all know he's suffering because he's been pushed from the beginning never to be the choice.

[levyfiles]

Last week the @skepticbeliever-bookclub prompted us to post a selection of our favourite shyan fics so there’d be a nice little way to highlight all the hidden gems of favourites we might already recognise and love while sharing a few we might never have found otherwise. Last December I posted a little list of some of my favourites so I figured I’d dust off that list with a few new additions of particular favourites I treasure. 

Be All My Sins Remembered by spoopyy

Summary:  In every lifetime, they find each other.

Review: This fic manages to take you on a long journey through what feels like a series of AUs and they all weave in and out of the wealth of their relationship with some vivid descriptions of the historical settings their journey takes them through. As someone who grew up reading Anne Rice’s epics through historical events, this fic is right up my alley. A vampire Shane passing through the wave of human society’s climb searching for a reincarnated Ryan again and again, trying to hold on to him and keep him through great tragedies and timeframes that just don’t let them be together. This was one of the first fics I read when I was only a lurker and to be quite honest, I need to give this one a nice re-read, maybe for the book club which would be loads of fun. Either way, 10/10. Would be Hurt in the heart again.

Perfect Fit by @beaniegara

Summary:  There’s a legend that says anyone able to take all of statue Shane’s cock will summon the god to the mortal realm. Given the statue’s excessive size, no one has ever succeeded to prove or disprove the story. Until Ryan that is.

Review: Listen. You wanna talk actual fandom legends. This fic is one of them and it pulls out all the stops on being delicious and evocative. Also features one of my favourite incarnations of size queen bergara. Good stuff and you’re really rooting for Ryan in this lol.

a prize for rotten judgement  by sarcasticfishes

Summary: “You’d drive each other crazy. You sit together at your office all day, and then you’d be commuting home together, eating dinner together, watching TV together, going to bed — well, not together, but you get it, right?”

It doesn’t sound so awful to Shane. There are worse people he could be spending all his hours with than Ryan Bergara.

Review: The moment I happened to glance at the notes of this and saw that Fie’s secondary title for this would have been Ryan and Shane move to the Suburbs, I about lost it with excitement. Primarily because the show this references is one of my favourite comedies and that is one of my all-time favourite episodes. Let me tell you though, even if the reference is lost on you, this story is so much gold rolled into a heart-gripping tale of two best friends who spend every waking moment together taking the plunge to share a home and they were roommates oh my god they were roommates. Shane is pining and you’ll pine right along with him as you’ll yell and holler for him to stop being so damn real and full of doubt. It really is worth every gasp of pain and all the more for the execution but the delivery will leave you in delight. Certainly had me yelling at the author. This fic is gonna be one of my timeless favourites; I knew it the moment I began.

Everything’s Weird and We’re Always in Danger by beethechange

Summary: Ryan perches on the edge of the bed, an indistinct shape that Shane can only just make out in the dark, so he turns the lamp back on. He wants to see Ryan’s face, wants to know that he is alright. Ryan’s cheeks are damp, his hands fisted in the hideous flowered duvet.

“It won’t go away,” Ryan says miserably. “I’ve been like this since we got here, basically, and it won’t fucking—”

“Ah,” Shane says. “Well, you know, sometimes fear…adrenaline…they can affect people. Physically.” He waves his hands indistinctly crotchward. “It’s a, a scientifically known phenomenon.” Shane feels a little better staying in the realm of scientifically known phenomena.

Review: Word of advice. You see a fic is authored by beethechange, run don’t walk because you’re absolutely always going to be treated to the best of banter, the best of prose, chemistry, organic execution and feels right up the bottom end of your heart. This fic, this changed everything I thought I knew I wanted out of a bed-sharing fic. It’s got a little bit of two treats here. You got a sex-pollen-esque situation mixed with bed-sharing and holy fucking damn that is more than you think you deserve, but read this because you do deserve the best of the best. The build up, the dialogue, the surprisingly hilarity of it, the hotness woah, and The Aftermath. When you think you know what you’re in for, you’re wrong and you’re most pleasantly surprised. Get this fic in your life and honestly? while you’re at it, you could do a clean sweep of every fic in her list of works and while my less than adequate reading time management may still be short on some of her most well-recommended pieces, I have an adamant faith that Bee doesn’t disappoint. Go get y’all juice.

Maelstrom by thewindupbird

Summary:  Here’s the thing about driving halfway across the country to see someone. You can’t really deny, after that, that you’re pretty much head over heels for them.

Review: Listen. One morning on a day off, I just laid in bed and read this– all 40k+ words– while lying there clutching my pillows, hurting and loving every moment of it. The descriptions of Americana, the slow steady metronome rhythm of Ryan’s feelings as frightened and helpless as they feel when you’re relating deeply to them juxtaposed with the deep-seated struggle of understanding what it is to be with someone you love so much but your mental health is burning quiet holes in your ability to express it in a way that can be understand. Ryan’s fierce determination, breaking through the silence of their non communication is really Everything to me in this fic. i think I really left my heart in the scene in Shane’s parents kitchen. That finished me. Read this fic and understand the deep relief you get when you’ve finished a fight with someone you fiercely care about and they understand you and you understand them and it’s OK; it’s gonna be all right. Augh.

5 times Shane had to overrule Ryan’s “No Homo” + 1 time he didn’t have to by ghoulboyboos

Summary: There was only one thing that would truly drive him up the wall with Ryan, much more than any debate about ghosts ever could: Ryan’s consistent twitches of “no homo” when any sort of physical contract between them happened.

Review: I have such a soft special spot in my heart for this fic particularly because Lud manages to examine a trope I tend to avoid in such a sweet and honest way I couldn’t not love this fic. The story takes a painstaking and very real look at the “no homo” issue as it weaved through the journey that was early days Ryan and Shane. Shane’s reaction to in this and how he communicates with Ryan has such a very heartfelt and once again, real quality to it. I get in my feelings all over again about how far they’ve come and what it meant for Ryan to have Shane there. Lud really nails this piece and it’s a classic in my eyes.

A Burial on Box Hill by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: The Celtics believed that the yew flower symbolized both immortality and death. Meanwhile, for centuries, the buxus flower was seen as a symbol for safe passage into the afterlife.

Or,Shane and Ryan were never the same after investigating the Black Forest of Germany alone.

Review: Let me just quote my bookmark comment here. Usually I flee from tragedy like a cat spotting a cucumber but the brevity and the prose dragged me in and now I’m a functioning mess. Bless this fic. Oh my god it’s short and reads like one of those quick horror stories you’ll read to your friends just as the scary stories are transitioning from the urban legends to the ones that feel real. Big warning for main character death but still read it if you appreciate a good story told.

Body Farming by shiphitsthefan

Summary: Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Review: Now judging from the reactions of many people I’ve spoken to, big heavy ABO kink is not popular here but guys, GUYS. This one. Let this one in I promise it is not what you think it is. The dynamic is organic and the worst side of the trope is subverted in all the best ways and lord help us, the smut is hot, like swelteringly smoking. It’ll stay with you.

Believer by cellard00rs

Summary:  Some demons and otherworldly creatures love climbing up the power ladder. Shane is not one of these. He likes where he is (thank you very much) and has no interest in moving up. All he wants is to give his friend Ryan a nice birthday gift. So, naturally, everything goes to hell.

Review: This fic is another fandom legend. When I think demon!Shane. It’s this and one other one that always pops right into my mind. This was my first exposure to the bureaucracy meets the supernatural!Shane trope and I was sold from the get-go. The Shane in this fic is everything I imagine a demon!Shane is and his ginger care for Ryan, the concept of their bond and how even though Shane is a demon and responsible for keeping the supernatural a firm secret from Ryan and the rest of the world, his skepticism is relayed through his status as a demon. I want to talk more about it but I think so much of the enjoyment comes from the surprises as the plot unfurls.

hey boy, take a look at me by weakspots

Summary: Ryan is 27, for Christ’s sake, and he’s not exactly hideous, so there’s really no reason to spend his money on a dude — a dude — whose face he’ll never see but whose livestreams he’s been jerking off to for roughly 4 months now. He should be going out and partying and fucking random chicks. Or a guy, whatever, just to get it out of his system and confirm to himself that he really is 100% straight.

Because he is. This is morbid curiosity, if anything.

Review: I’ve been a long-time fan of this universe and it was a universe I didn’t know I needed until this author gave it to us. We or rather me, a desperate audience, just devoured this with every update. Not only is it hot, but it has the delicious intrigue of secret identity, anonymous stuff and a LOT of blush-worthy prose therein. This version of Shane makes me thrive but the titillating nature of straight-identifying!Ryan being bowled over by the turn of events that leads him to his world tilting into the gravity of a camboy just--you Have to read this one!

Heartbeat by quackers

Summary:  So the guy Ryan sits next to at work is a vampire. That’s no big deal, right?

Review: I could talk your literal ear off about this fic. Vampires, man. I love the trope; you don’t know me as a person if you don’t know this at least. And this fic kept me fed all damn year. It was a readable garden. If there is one thing I can guarantee about quackers’ work, it’s that their world-building is a festival of detail. The realms and alternate universes they work with while still managing to keep Shane and Ryan’s voices so familiar and real is a talent not attributed to your everyday author. This fic propelled me into wanting to write more and more because quackers makes stories so much fun! Reading their work is, to me, not unlike the feeling I got when I was younger and finding series that speak to my need to escape this crummy existence, made me want to believe in fun spicy things like a vampire that lived through centuries, cynical but still searching, navigating a world where people are still people, adjusting to differences and prejudices, finding comfort in a guy that understands that and more. I’ve talked about this fic in more than a few different posts so I’d just be reiterating a lot of things I loved about the more historical aspects of Shane’s journey, the way Ryan is so firmly curious and inventive in ways to connect with Shane. Look, even if vampires aren’t your thing, I can promise that if you visit quackers list of work, you will find something for your supernatural-lovin’ palate that speaks to a gentler side of your own curiosity about monsters and the jocks that love them. lol.

I’ll Crawl Home by carrieonfighting

Summary:  “Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him.”

Review: This is the second fic I think of when someone says the words ‘demon!Shane’ to me because ohhhh my word, this fic is a masterpiece. I really am hard-pressed to find anything better than the feeling I get when I think of demon!Shane headcanons interwoven with the irl Buzzfeed reality and the idea of the Ryan as we know him being protected and watched and loved so deeply by a demon that found him so long ago and wanted nothing but to protect him. I feel an almost vicious glee reliving that moment when Ryan and Shane are on goatman’s bridge and man, I just really love canonical fic mixed with a slight twist. The writing in this makes it work so well with lines that still haunt my heart and soul like “Ryan liked popcorn. So did the demon. Genuinely, not just out of a desire to please the human – he liked the way it crunched between his vessel’s teeth. There were some aspects of taking a corporeal form that were… nice; laughing, coffee, feeling warm. Ryan made him laugh.” FUCK! The beautiful agony of it, watching the demon fall in love with Ryan through the eyes of his vessel. Just stark with pain and unspoken, well-written angst and pain with a perfect ending, I wouldn’t change for anything. I love this for us as a fandom and will always love that author crafted this piece and shared it with us. (Also every time I hear Work Song by Hozier, I think of this fic again and sigh).

[algernoninwonderland]

“Porter sur toi un nouveau regard”: basic outlines and preparatory notes

What better way to celebrate a fic being completed than me releasing some of the basic notes I took while planning it? Here they are, with a few additions.

 It all started as a prompt I got on Discord, the very simple “love at first sight” and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it at first, but the idea of sight stuck with me. Are your first impressions the right ones? Can you learn to see someone a certain way or another? It’s ultimately a story about learning to see other people and yourself, isn’t it?

Which meant I had to take a certain point of view, because an omniscient floating eye is emotionally detached. Character POV may have a limited scope, but that may help empathise with them. This is a story about Kagami, so it was only fair for Kagami to be the centre of it.

Chapter 1: 

“How does Kagami truly feel about Marinette before Ikari Gozen”? 

While Marinette sees the two of them as rivals, that rivalry is one-sided, and Kagami wouldn’t take that girl seriously. She’s simply annoying. 

Kagami is a lonely character, who genuinely wants to make friends, still, and she’s anything but cool or smooth. She doesn’t know the other characters the way the audience does, at all.

Tomoe Tsurugi sucks.

Switching from “Dupain-Cheng” to “Marinette Dupain-Cheng” to “Marinette” would be a nice way to keep the reader hooked. Lots of tiny details that’ll come back later on!

Comphet. 

Lots of comphet already. What you “should” like, a calculated, conscious choice.

A few jabs at the show because why not.

Chapter 2:

Filling gaps in characterisation and timeline to make sure that everything hurts later on! Including pre-Adrigami. People thought the paperwork between Tomoe and Gabriel was a marriage contract, not quite, but an arranged relationship? Definitely from Tomoe’s side.

Are Kagami and Marinette already going on dates when they visit the city together all on their own? Isn’t that the true sapphic experience.

Also, the promise of them going to the terrace rooftop on sunny days! It’ll come back later on.

The Bike Motive. Marinette driving her forward.

“Your hair is beautiful” but make it much gayer. 

I hate the André scene in the finale, it sucks and it’s awful for everyone. It should be awful for both Marinette and Kagami. Comphet. So much comphet. 

Kagami’s impression of brokenness is something we’ll come back to over and over again.

Adrien doesn’t notice because he’s Adrien. The kiss. Nothing.

“K-Kagami!” End with a cliffhanger for more suffering.

As a side note, I made myself cry writing this chapter.

Chapter 3:

Everything hurts. Everything. Hurts. 

Identity reveals don’t solve anything, they still fail, and Marinette still isn’t willing to show herself to Kagami, still hiding behind a facade.

Just because Marinette understands things a little better doesn’t mean it hurts any less

They are both lying to each other and themselves and they don’t even realise it.

“Fixing the brokenness” through comphet.

Nothing is solved at all.

Falling asleep on a chaise longue plus blanket

Chapter 4:

Life as a socialite in Paris, concerts and restaurants, wearing clothes she hasn’t chosen

The Adrien routine, pulling chairs and flowers

It’s all miserable still, lots of “shoulds”

Fencing competition, fencing competition ahead. Tomoe is a terrible parent and a terrible coach.

Text conversations with Marinette, overdoes joy with emojis

The Bike Motive Returns, with more feelings, Marinette’s almost desperate gestures

(Kagami as the only person she can fully confide in, but still won’t)

An early birthday present… But Kagami is born in November, Marinette is a mess and so is her room.

Hug and first hint of reciprocated Marigami? Just the happiness of having someone like Kagami who admires her work as Marinette.

Falling asleep on a chaise longue plus blanket, part deux.

KAGAMI IN A SUIT!!!

Kisses on the cheek are really common in France, not Japan. A heavy kiss.

Dress or suit?

Marinette is a mess, texts at night. Difference between Adrien and Marinette’s texts, Adrien’s more self-centred.

No sense of space in Tokyo, jet lag and closed house. Closed spaces. 

Chapter 5:

I’m going to write a full chapter about sabre fencing and people will love it

Lots of sneaky (or not so sneaky) GL and Yuri manga/anime references. Make Juri Arisugawa part of the Jury.

All the locations are real

Marinette overdoes it again, Kagami can’t tell.

Kagami’s technique dissecting her opponents. She is a champion already.

Teach the readers about fencing whilst describing it. Have opponents be challenging in specific, understandable ways.

She chooses the suit. What even is subtlety.

As a side note: it was a really fun one to write.

Chapter 6:

Marinette internship phone call, Nathalie’s plan. No way Gabriel would accept to work with a kid. Flirting, Kagami as a muse?

The Foucault chapter. Everything is a prison. Restaurant, vertical stripes on wall as prison bars, the relationship, the self-locking car. This is no Utena car.

Everything is wrong, including the food

Adrigami friendship, much better than Adrigami romance. Rose/Chair. She doesn’t hate him at all, she just doesn’t love him… It wouldn’t work, she’s gay and he’s a liar.

Self-imposed gestures of affection.

Do not describe the kisses, they’re just a thing she has to do

Marinette is a mess, Ladybug is a mess, hell imagery, falling down a hole, almost dying. We are in the car with Kagami and we want to do something, anything, and we can’t.

Chapter 7:

The first step to things being alright again is to admit that they aren’t alright now

Nighttime conversation, Kagami letting Ladybug in

Marinette finally showing herself bare to Kagami but still tries not to until the dam breaks. Being a hero is miserable. Being the Guardian when you are a child with no guidance or support is miserable. Kagami as the only person she can trust.

Botched Lukanette date?

“I’m just so tired.”

“You are not a failure, you are so courageous, a genius fashion designer and my best friend”

(Additional note: I cried writing that passage)

Sharing the burden: help in more than just words.

“I hate that you have to see me like that.”

But showing your vulnerability and still being accepted as true love

Kagami truly sees Marinette now.

“Tutorship” and Tomoe being awful but excuse works. Help is material, homework, tidying up the room together.

“Stop feeling guilty about letting other people help you.”

Flirting hidden behind jokes, Kagami lying to herself. Way to ruin the mood.

Marigami baking.

Harlem 88, postal workers, acab

Watching television on the same couch, or rather watching Marinette watch television.

Umbrella scene with polka dots.

Kagami fully aware of her feeling and afraid of them, afraid that Marinette might feel the same

Chapter 8:

more fencing, Kagami absolutely rules

Worrying about Marinette alone with Gabriel, rightfully so, but can’t say that out loud

Stereotypical outdated Japanese-ness, Kagami can’t conform, doesn’t know how to put on her houmongi on her own. Tomoe and paradoxes, her daughter is both weak and “too muscular” at the same time.

The Palais Royal. The Buren columns are very climbable.

Gabriel, “quite miraculous”. Testing the waters, Kagami doesn’t notice. 

Jealousy when Adrien speaks of Marinette?

Ratatouille reference! Tatou. 

Tomoe playing the role of the exotic Japanese to be accepted. 

Drunk parents, drunk on power and self-satisfaction. 

Adrien’s kiss, forced to return it. 

Fear that Adrien might become Marinette’s muse

The bike motive once more

Barkk’s power is tracking magical signatures, each is different from the other

Marinette taking control over her own life, making plans to stop Hawk Moth instead of passively waiting for each attack, 

“She was never broken. She is in love with another girl.”

Marinette is in love with her too, but is ready to wait.

Chapter 9:

Adrien IS Chat Noir, up to the entitlement and his way of being physically affectionate. Stay true to canon and canon implications.

Adrigami/DJWifi double date, Alya means well but doesn’t know everything

Wordbuilding: of course the Ladyblog isn’t the only website ever, bad rival, Daily Bugle pun.

Not hating someone doesn’t mean you should be with them.

Hints of Adrigami friendship again, relief at avoiding romance.

Food at Kagami’s, cooker, formally perfect but not personal

Marinette and Barkk, closer to their goal

The Turtle Pearl bracelet: a shield, a great way to show feeling of danger, symbol of love

Kagami is the one to kiss Marinette on the cheek this time

Chapter 10:

Tomoe is a bad instructor episode 100

In which Adrien proves himself to truly be also Chat Noir, i.e. unable to understand personal barriers and entitlement. Still Kagami’s POV. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, insistence≠playfulness. certainly won’t apologise

The bike motive again. Scenic road and conversation

Going to Orsay, definitely a date!

Chat Noir was moody during akuma crisis because of course he was.

Chapter 11:

Adrigami “break”, Adrien sucks at admitting that he’s anything but perfect and being confronted with that.

Kagami bluntness.

Adrigami isn’t about Adrigami, it’s about the Tsurugi family’s status and Tomoe terrified of consequences. Attacking the room instead of Kagami herself.

The Turtle Pearl glows when wearer feels endangered or imminent danger

The museum pictures, the two of them together

Aquarium date?

“Voice of reason” isn’t the voice of reason at all.

Barkk is in the bag, smells everything

Chapter 12:

Kagami as Tomoe’s messenger

Agreste mansion as a mausoleum, setting up the geography, security cameras, cold. Painting of Émilie, goal is near

Nathalie being extremely good at pretending she didn’t just knock that kid unconscious months ago, she’s awful and it’s great.

Marinette internship, Gabriel wears a bowtie… Resembles a butterfly.

Barkk in the bag, smells everything.

Stressful phone call, feels feverish, it’s him and that’s undeniable.

Marinette the detective.

“Thanks for being there for me”

“Thank you for trusting me so much”

Having dinner with Hawk Moth, it’s awful and stressful

No more chair/rose

Adrien is miserable but not aggressive. Building up to final fight

Chapter 13:

Meet the Dupain-Chengs, short, awkward, sweet moment

Marinette’s room, perfectly clean

From creepy stalker to detective, without downplaying the former or overplaying the latter

The two are complementary, very concrete things, 

The plan: catch Hawk Moth red-handed, take it outside and expose him to the world

How the Kwami Pearls work: just like the Miraculouses themselves, feeding off the host, only more brutal. Marinette trying to reassure Kagami

Re-explain Turtle Pearl and other powers, illusion, thunder, time-rewind and portal

Gabriel owns original Degas painting since they are both assholes

Adrien/Chat still not great at all

Ice-cream but no biphobia/lesbophobia this time, just a regular shop suggested by Juleka.

The Pont des Arts, no more locks, just like in real life.

The confession, the kiss: consent and everything is right, but also desperate. Marinette really wants to do it well.

Longg is back, also, hype

Side note: I cried writing this one.

Chapters 14-15

Ryuko infiltrating the mansion, all in the details

I hate that Hawk Moth’s lair is an actual real physical space in the show, but if this needs to be material, then so be it. He was allowed to turn his house into that because he got help from the Mayor/Audrey.

Chat Noir can’t fight, near breakdown.

Nathalie knew. Remake of first fight, only Ryuko has clear upper hand.

Having missiles in your house isn’t a good idea.

The Turtle Pearl serves its purpose at last, 

Gabriel mostly defeats himself on his own, hubris, the whole extent of his power dynamic with Nathalie

Going back to the Champ de Mars, 

Teamwork, taking the butterfly down. Chat Noir rejects his father entirely, cataclysm-ed akuma.

The mansion again, entirely destroyed, paintings of Émilie burning. Spell book and tablet recovered.

Chapter 16:

Taking the big bad down is useless if you don’t take down the power structures that allowed him to strive in the first place. Killing Voldemort only solves that much.

Discovering it all on a phone screen, shut-in

ACAB no matter your gender

They are just following orders and happy to do so, and Gabriel still has some power over them

Tomoe plays by the rules, even though these rules are awful

Kagami’s anger

Chapter 17:

Aquarium date, aquarium date! Fish facts

Kagami’s anger still, doesn’t die out, render it through environment and senses

Water as a healing motive, fish facts

Hot outside - cold inside, ice-cream

Kagami nearly blows out because of kids after being slightly soothed

The power of love is strong but it can’t solve everything.

Additional note: someone in the comments asked me if Kagami had ASD, and the answer is, I don’t know, you tell me! If you think she is on the spectrum, then she is!

Addressing Kagami being closeted, because there’s simply no other way. This isn’t good. Having to live hidden out of fear isn’t good..

The bike motive, + ice cream

Kagami uses the word “lesbian” for the first time to describe her own experience.

Chapter 18:

Tomoe has feelings and these feelings suck. Under the guise of rules, abuse.

Kagami fighting back.

Power is material, through connections and money, nothing that can’t be bought

Kagami’s first demonstration, don’t make it too violent but still ACAB

Nino and Alya as reporters, Julerose and Luka seasoned protestors

The Palais de Justice’s gilded gates are closed vs the crowd

Marinette using her powers for something other than Hawk Moth, strong stance but also still a 15 yo kid’s understanding of the situation

Chapters 19-20:

No tanabata because Tomoe is terrible

The rooftop terrace at last, more Marigami wholesomeness

Dupain-Cheng house vs Tsurugi house, the furniture and dishes, the meal, more Tom and Sabine

Marinette has been cut from her Chinese heritage, exploring that (callback to Mandarin app, chapter 1) and bitterness of it

Adrien moving on in England, still Plagg with him, he’ll become a rich prep boy

Marinette as a Guardians, her own spell book

Duusuu is devouring Émilie’s soul and neither Marinette nor Kagami knows

Françoise Dupont at night, fencing classes, Marinette moves like Ladybug

The future: it is bright but bittersweet, let’s talk about it together

And there was only one bed

Oh, to cuddle with your girlfriend in her bed for the first time

Watching the sun rise together, calm breakfast

Side note: I also cried writing this one.

Chapter 21, epilogue

A new beginning

Kagami turning her back on her mother almost entirely

The bike motive, but Kagami no longer needs Marinette to show her the way now

New school, familiar faces but not only

An ordinary bracelet for Marinette, but proof of love despite everything

End on their hands.

[heronpoxed]

SONS OF ANARCHY SPOILERS

Idk man, the show’s been over for 6 years but still BEWARE

So I’ve been thinking a lot about Jax and Tara and about how fabulous Tara is and what an ass Jax is for cheating on her more than once because well, I’m a simple hoe and I love them more than life and they’re the reason I started watching SOA in the first place and I’d literally die for them no matter what.

So! Kurt Sutter stated in his IG Q&A that cheating on Tara was Jax’s way to punish himself because deep down he knew that he wasn’t worthy of her love (see the screenshot below). Well, y’all, it does make sense and it’s is refreshing for a simple hoe like me to know that cheating was Jax’s self-punishment and that he knew like the rest of us that Tara was too good for him (if you haven’t already noticed, this post is mainly for Tara stans and if you don’t have the heart for reading the praise of my girl, I suggest you stop reading), but I think there’s another explanation that goes along with the ‘self-punishment‘ thing.

Bobby Munson, the absolute legend, who was actually the only one who fully appreciated everything that Tara did for the club, states in s6: “Jax is someone who needs to be with someone.” Jax hates being alone and feeling lonely. He hates being emotionally and ideally contradicted and it’s shown numerous times in the show. So whenever he’s upset with Tara like a little child he goes to the arms of women that will definitely worship and make him feel like a big boy, but all this is always based on his sadness and hurt feelings (his hurt ego too, but I believe it’s mostly his hurt feelings) whenever Tara ‘upsets’ him.

The first time he cheats on Tara is with Wendy right after Donna’s murder. Jax and Tara are in a fight during that time and after THAT GLORIOUS SLAP he’s hurt and his ego is damaged. Wendy is there, offering him comfort and pleasure. I don’t think anyone doubts that if Jax and Tara knew exactly where they stood in their relationship, he would’ve gone to Tara for comfort and consolation. And an episode later he delivers this legendary line: “...because when I’m inside someone there’s only one face I see.” -and we’re automatically calm.

The second time he cheats on Tara is with Ima when Abel is kidnapped. He knows it’s not safe for her with SAMCRO during this hard and dangerous time, knows that she’s too stubborn and too in love with him and Abel to just pack up and leave. So he does one thing he’s sure will push her away to protect her, but right after Tara leaves the house with this iconic line: “...well, guess what?! The prince doesn’t always get his way.” - he goes after her with a pained and anguished face, clearly wanting to apologize and make things right, but he’s too late because she’s already gone.

Then he cheats on Tara with Colette when Tara’s in jail. Of course, he feels responsible for her arrest, but he’s also hurt like a little kid (again) because Tara doesn’t want him in court and goes to Colette to feel like a big boy again. (Ugh, bitch, the immaturity of this!! Tara was doing time FOR and BECAUSE of him and he couldn’t keep it in his pants for 10 fucking days when Tara was faithful to him for 14 months when he was inside)

So the last time is with Colette again when he finds out Tara’s divorcing him and taking the boys. I think that even though Jax stuggles to admit it, deep down he knows that he’s the reason for driving Tara away and making her act so radically. He says as much: “I understand why you did everything you did. I’m sorry being with me took you to that place.” and let’s not forget his face when Tara says: “...what happened to me?” Right after she walks in on Jax with Colette.

Bonus:

Winsome is the first person Jax sleeps with after Tara’s death and we all know how he breaks down when he realizes that the woman he was making love to was imagined and not present there physically in flesh. I think this was the first time I realized that “because when I’m inside someone there is only one face I see” proves true. And the scene is extra heartbreaking when you know that Tara’s actually dead this time not just away in Chicago.

Jax sleeps with Wendy right after he kills his wife’s murderer. I do think that it was the first time he truly enjoyed intimacy after Tara’s death but I feel like it was just like the ‘Donna’s death situation’. Anyway, though, the scene speaks for itself.

Okay so why the fuck did I write all this you ask. Well, one of the reasons is that I have way too much free time to spare but the main reason is to show that Jax cheats on my baby girl whenever he feels even the littlest bit upset with her. His infidelity is driven solely by loneliness which he can’t stand, so it’s clear that he uses sex as a coping mechanism, which, I think is the most immature way to deal with relationship issues but no one asked for my opinion right?

Anyway, neither Jax nor Opie btw is capable of dealing with their relationships in a mature way so they both use sex and women unjustifiably to avoid confrontation. This, too, is confirmed in season 1 when Jax says “Eh, you really wanna talk about this, huh? Cause one upside of Wendy, she was usually too wasted for relationship chats.”

I’m not justifying Jax’s infidelity or behavior. I’m just saying that his unfaithfulness has other deeper and twisted explanation that stems from Jax’s inability to cope with being alone and to face relationship problems maturely. You may not even agree with me and not think that Jax is wrong in the matter and that opinion is totally valid. But this is how I personally see this side of Jax.

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck: My Valentine Ghoul Review aka A Bad Episode Even by Valentine’s Day Episode Standards

Welcome back Darkwings of the Night. It’s time to go back to St. Canard for the very review that got me to finish up my look at the episodes that should’ve lead up to Just Us Justice Ducks and the episode itself last month. While I probably COULD have reviewed this one before finsihing that as continuity’s pretty loose here, I wanted to see Negaduck’s proper introduction first. So was it worth it?

Yeah while I was glad to get one of my retrospectives done and free up some room for other stuff, this episode..was an objective disapointment and might be even worse than “Brush with Oblivion”. If your curious to know why and aren’t already lobbing a harpoon at me for bashing an episode you liked, join me under the cut. 

On PAPER this episode sounded really good. Negaduck trying to seduce Morgana back to crime and in general after Darkwing once again neglected her is not at all a bad premise and the in episode conflict of Darkwing’s obnoxious supscioson of his girlfriend being an ex con, COULD’VE been really interesting. But there’s a reason Could’ve was in all caps folks: This episode is not very well put together and it’s gender politics have aged like fine santa liquor left split in a bathtub surronded by toxic waste for 20 years, and tastes just as bad. Trust me I know. My colon still hasn’t recovered. So let’s get into WHY shall we? 

So we open with a date in a graveyard with Darkwing and Morgana, unsuprisingly though Darkwing isn’t the fondest of their meal which... look like someone scrambled the Star-Spawn of Cthulu. He’s going to be pissed.. especially once I try some. Look i’m very curious and very hungry. 

But things take a turn when Darkwing brings up diamonds, because he’s fully insensitive enough to bring them up in front of his girlfriend. She does take the truth in stride: he’s not proposing he’s simply hung up on a case of diamonds going missing, and no solution and thus might have to cut the date short. She offers to go with him but he shoots her down, saying the last time she helped she turned him into a rutabega.. instead of you know TRAINING her and helping her on her aim.  Then the episode looses me.. and about how long into the episode are we exactly? Not taking the theme song into acount?

Yup. It takes around 2 minutes, with some change. for the episode to become absolutley terrible. But first off Morgana suddenly flies off the table claming he dosen’t trust her for being a former criminal and zaps him in vengance.. which is assualt. Cartoony assault sure but it still hurts and his reactoin is STILL pure feer as he’s turned into some kind of ball... I mean.. it’s not like he can’t fight crime like that. Some of the best have done it. 

But still she goes to physical violence at the drop of a hat this episode and Darkwing seems more than a little afraid of that happening again. Just... wow.  I thought, having finished the Legend of the Three Cablleros, i’d be done with writing so poor a character comes off as a domestic abuser, mental in that case phsyical here, but here we are. Now this is untetional so I don’t blame the writers as much.. but I still heft some blame on them for being SO bad at writing a woman that she can’t get angry without phsyically attacking her partner or grasping the implications there. 

Oh and it gets worse. Yes, it somehow gets worse from “Morgana attacking darkwing for upsetting her”. Darkwing proves to be pretty vile himself, as when Morgana accuses him of not trusting her due to her criminal past.... he says “You know what they say once a crook always a crook. “

My.. fucking.. god.... the show is stacking unfortunate implications on top of itself like lego bricks. And yes attitudes towards prisoners were much worse back then, I get that. Dosen’t make it tolerable to HEAR someone spouting that bullshit, let alone our protaganist. And while it doesn’t make her right to shoot lighting at him, as she does after this or attack him before... it does mean he’s a massive, mentally abusive dick who refuses to trust his partner who reformed FOR HIM, just because she used to do crimes. It takes a special kind of bad writing to screw up so badly that two of your heroes are immensley unikeable in the span of minutes but they did. CONGRADULATIONS DUMBASS!

So yeah Morgana breaks up with him and he tries to go after her  and Gosalyn, who was there the whole time with eek and squeak,  decides she needs to get the two back together. 

I mean at least Gosalyn MEANS well. As a result despite her helping them not being a good idea, she’s one of the most likeable characters in the episode. At least for now. The most likeable?

Yes. REALLY. Now granted he’s as much of a bastard as always; After seeing Morg’s tantrum he wants to seduce her back to evil to help with his diamond scheme, unsurprisingly he’s the one stealing them and his plan to do so.. is not all that bright as he fakes being good to get into her good graces.. forgetting that he’s going to need to show her he’s bad again for any of his plan to work, as during the climax i’ts revealed he’s using a candy company as a front for diamond smuggling. Now granted that.. is actually really clever as no one’s going to think to check a shipment of choclate boxes for diamonds unless their tipped off and he even mentions starting a candy company earlier, so that being his scheme dosen’t come out of left field and i’ts  a clever misdirect that you’d THINK he was lying about the Candy Company.  But while Negsy doesn’t’t escape the contagious case of stupidity everyone’s got this episode, he’s still entertaining as ever and Jim cummings manages to make saying “Well be the best of pals” pants crappingly terrifiying. So Negaduck is a delight as always even if his plan makes little sense, as his way of going about it is still clever: he fakes being good and both uses this to make darkwing jealous, thus making him seem irational, and to provide a shield and also forces himself on their valentine’s date. He even gets past Morgana rightfully beign supsicous by playing to her past. So yeah not the best plan OVERALL but damn if he still isn’t awesome.  They visit a carnival, ah feels like home, though this one has a freak show where MORGANA feels like she’s home. After trying to fry Darkwing and making him look like the bad guy Negaduck manages to seperate the two in the tunnel of love then use darkwing’s own jackassery against him by claming he left saying once a crook always a crook. He hten.. comes on way too strong, first asking if she’s thought about going back to crime when they get back to her place and then isn’t resceptive when he just tries to fully turn on the charm. Oh and Darkwing walks in and thinks his gilrfriend is cheating despite her not returning Negaducks affections because he’s a douchebag.  Gosalyn is in the house at the same time as after Negaducks earlier deception, Eek and Squeak flew her back to Morgana’s house to use the Necronomiduck, which talks like he just walked out of Beast’s house because of course he does, and gets a love potion.. which they accidently spray on Darkwing instead. So we do get one of the few GOOD parts of the episode where Darkwing acts all buddy buddy to negaduck and Negaduck even gets rid of him just by telling him to go jump off a cliff. And the combination of Drake acting all sachrine again, much like posiduck, and Negaduck’s clear annoyance and confusion is just comedy gold. 

Sadly that ends and Drake returns and a fight breaks out with Morgana accidently freezing darkwing and when trying to freeze negaduck, he simpy reflects it back the obsconds with her ice cube. 

While Gosalyn and co thaw her dad out, Negaduck explains the whole choclate scam and Morgana refuses and they fight, with Negaduck covering her in chocolate.. then darkwing when he shows up as you’d expect. Darkwing however has buzzsaw cufflinks, a wonderful 60′s batman type gag, and saves them both.. btu the love potion ends up on Gosalyn who covers her dad and possible step mom in frosting

Thankfully it wears off fast, and morgana gets the idea to put the love potion, which is air born into the gas gun, finally getting Darkwing to trust her and blasting Negaduck, then suckerpunching him when he gets close. Oh and despite her plan being VERY obvious , Darkwing STILL questions her flirting with the guy. 

So the day is saved and we end with him questioning her order at dinner that night and her .. attacking him. And Gosalyng saying “Well you always hurt the ones you love”

Final Thoughts: .I do not like this episode. I do not like it on a moat, on a boat or with a goat or in any way shape or form even though that breaks the ryhme. Reviewing it only had me finding MORE problems with it. Morgana and Darkwing are so unsympathetic here, with her violence towards him making it seem like “Aw all couples are just the woman chasing the man around with the frying pan.. or lighting bolts in this case” even though that’s sexist as hell at BEST and makes light of domesdtic abuse towards men at worst.  Darkwing gets off no better, being THAT kind of asshole who assumes just because someone used to be a criminal they always will be. Which even in pastiche makes no sense as I can name tons of superheroes, a who USED to be criminals or villians: Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Black Widow, Luke Cage (Before becoming a superhero), Scott Lang Ant-Man, Hal Jordan Green Lantern, Cassandra Cain, Simon Baz, Mach 10, Songbird, Quicksilver, Rogue, Wonder Man, and Emma Frost. And that’s not getting into the number of heroes, including many on this list, who went evil fo ra bit and came back from it.. some of whom are on this list. Usually his black and white insanity schick works but the episode does nothing to punish him for it and instead makes Morgana seem just as irrational by attacking him. 

While this episode dosen’t use the love potion badly, thank god, with morgana even calling it a bad idea.. i’ts all I can give it outside of negaduck. The love potion and negaduck gags are both great.. but everything else is just so toxic and odious it makes it very hard to enjoy. And so.. this wins the DUBIOUS honor of being the worst Darkwing Duck episode i’ve seen so far. The plot’s weak, filled with horrible outdated ideas even by the time this was made, and no one is likeable, even Negaduck wears out his once he starts getting a bit too pushy with morgana. All in all a waste of potetial and a good episode. Until the next rainbow, this episode can step on a rusty railroad spike and get tetnus. 

[youreobsessedwithciminalminds]

You Gave A Slap! (Part 2) (Criminal Minds x Reader)

MASTERLIST

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JOIN TAGLIST

WARNING: cussing, talks of addiction, verbal abuse, slight physical abuse, talk of physical abuse, talk of a miscarriage, lying, talk of cheating

RATING: PG-13

This is sort of based on the season 2 episode “Jones.” (and “Distress”) It’s the ones where JJ meets Will (”Jones”) and y’know, Spencer sasses Emily (”Distress” and “Jones”) and ignores whoever (because I forgot who) called him on his phone and everything (”Jones”)

National Domestic Violence Hotline can help victims, survivors of domestic violence. Call 1-800-799-7233

If you can’t do that, you can call 911 and pretend to order a pizza

Stay safe my loves

(part 1, part 2, part 3)

~

February of 2007

Y/N’S POV

"-You, Y/L/N, and Reid check the shelters?” I nodded as Gideon spoke, both me and Prentiss beginning to stand.

As she was standing she spoke, “Yeah, we’re on it.” She looked directly at Reid, “Unless...you okay with that Reid?” I didn’t blame her for asking, he did get pissed at her for suggesting to help with the geological profile.

“I’m fine with that.” We both nodded and walked out, hearing Hotch begin to talk.

-

As Prentiss walked away I felt like I had to apologize for Reid’s actions. “Hey, Angie?” She turned back around to me, “Hey, I’m sorry about Reid, he usually isn’t like that. I have no idea why he was acting like you were the enemy or whatever.”

She nodded, “It’s alright. Have a nice day Agent.” 

I nodded and walked away, out back the front to where Reid and Prentiss were. Almost as soon as I got out I heard Prentiss quoting Reid. “-’He may even be in this room as we speak’? We have nothing to support that.”

“We’re investigating a serial homicide. Should I have pretended that there’s no danger?” I walked over to them and tried to say something, but Emily spoke faster.

“We just left that woman potentially afraid of every man that walks into this shelter.” She started to point at said shelter while speaking.

I noticed he had crossed his arms, “Again, until we find this unsub, how is that a bad thing?”

I knew we had the same face, it was me and Prentiss, staring at Spencer in disbelief. “What is the matter with you?” I mean, at least we were both thinking the same thing.

I saw his arms fall to his sides and his face scrunch in confusion. “What do you mean, what’s the matter with me?”

“I’ve never seen you act like this.” I was gonna defend her, but he beat me to speaking.

“Oh! In the months that you know me, you’ve never seen me act this way? Hey, no offense Emily, but you don’t really know what you’re talking about, do you?” I punched his arm almost immediately after he said that. He turned to me, “The hell, Y/N?”

“She’s not wrong! You-” He didn’t let me finish he just pushed me out of the way and walked away from us. Leaving the two of us confused.

We were currently on a plane to go to New Orleans for a case. I noticed Spencer looked like he was thinking and I tapped my foot on Derek’s leg and pointed my head towards Spencer. “Hey Reid, what’s going on up there?”

“I was thinking of this old friend of mine from Las Vegas--Ethan-”

I interrupted him by saying, “Wait, Ethan Ethan? Never thought you two were friends with how much you rivaled each other.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes, we did rival each other but we were friends. Maybe you should’ve paid attention more Y/N.” I almost said something but he continued to speak, “I’m pretty sure he lives in New Orleans now.”

Derek nodded, I could tell he was upset over how Spencer acted to me. “Well, you gonna give him a call?”

Then of course, he basically explained what I said, “We grew up competing against each other in everything. Spelling bees, science fairs. We also both had our hearts set on joining the Bureau, but on his first day at Quantico he backed out.”

Emily laughed a little, “He probably just couldn’t handle the heat.”

“That’s not for us to judge.”

I rolled my eyes, “Stop being to passive aggressive. Besides I know why he chose not to.”

“Oh yeah! Because you two frolicked around behind my back when me and you dated.”

I scoffed, “I told you Reid, we never did anything, I never have and never would cheat on you or anyone.” I sighed, “I don’t know what is stuck up your ass, but pull it out and stop being a fucking dick.”

Before he could say anything else, Hotch interrupted us, “Y/L/N, Reid, stop.”

I slumped back into my seat and continued to read my book.

-

It had been 30 minutes since Gideon gave the order, me and Emily had been trying to get Spencer since then. He kept not answering. She stopped after 10, I continued. Once Derek got on the plane we basically said fuck it and took off.

That was 10 minutes ago. “Hey, pretty girl, madame Y/N, what’s going on kid?”

I sighed, “He never denies calls, specially my calls.” I shook mu head, “Maybe he was just meeting with Ethan and didn’t notice.”

“Hey, I can guarantee that boy genius, needs something. Maybe knock him in the head. I don’t know. But he’s been a real pain in the ass.”

I just nodded and laid down on the plane, all in an attempt to calm me down.

-

The case was done, Spencer hadn’t talked to me since we met back up. Had no clue what I did, but I hated him ignoring me.

The plane landed about an hour ago and we all were at the office, just grabbing things before we went home. I sighed I turned to Spencer, “Spencer. You’re coming with me.” I grabbed his arm and dragged him towards one of the empty offices. I pulled him in, turned the light on, and closed the door. I looked over at him, he was leaning on the desk, arms crossed, scowling. I sighed, “What the hell is going on with you Spencer? Since I’ve came back you’ve been like a PMSing female.”

He scoffed, “I’ve just been myself. More like myself.”

“That’s a lie, the Spencer I know wouldn’t be such a passive aggressive, PMSing female, piece of shit, bitch.”

“At least when I was 16, I would never cheat and then break up with the person, move to a different state, then show up 7 years later, when I was 23 and act like nothing happened.”

“Is this what that’s about?!” I scoffed this time, “Spencer, I never cheated on you! Me and Ethan spent so much time together to plan out how to tell you I was pregnant! Guess what, I moved because my mom and step-dad sent me away to a private school where I had a fucking miscarriage! I had no choice! I wanted an abortion but was gonna ask you first! God, I never wanted to hurt you!” I had tears forming in my eyes.

“Wait, you were pregnant? But...we were always...no way it was mine!” He ran a hand through his hair, “This further proved you were cheating on me!”

“God, why’re you so fucking stupid? I thought you were a genius! Sorry for mistaking that!” I had no clue what happened next, well, why, it happened. I just know I felt his hand colliding with my cheek. The next I knew I was on the floor. Not aware my cardigan had moved and the bruises on my wrist, arm, and shoulder were exposed. I looked at Spencer, that was when it clicked, the team told me what happened to him. Never had I thought it would happen to him. “Spencer, give me the damn bottles and needles.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t fake being innocent Spencer Walter Reid! I know you have dilaudid on you! God! How stupid am I? You’re experiencing the same shit I did when I was on it!” I sighed, “The team told me what happened to you. You could’ve told me! Spencer, I can help you! Please!”

“At least I don’t allow the person I’m living with use me as a punching bag.” I didn’t get what he meant. I didn’t realize it until he left. I didn’t realize my bruises were exposed. I cursed to myself. Pushing myself up, I covered them up again and wiped my nose. Groaning when I saw the blood. I knew I didn’t have time to explain to the team so I made sure I had my keys and went out the back exit.

~

WHEN YOU AND REID DATED AT 15-16, YOU ONLY HAD SEX 3 TIMES. EACH TIME YOU STARTED IT

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[mistoelectra]

Why Jack Harkness deserved better

I said I was going to write this so here it is

WHY JACK HARKNESS DESERVED BETTER (SPECIFICALLY FROM THE TENTH DOCTOR)

Okay, so this is something I’ve been meaning to write for a little while, because I’ve been rewatching New Who from the beginning, and Jack is probably one of my favourite characters, and seeing the way Ten acts towards him makes my heart hurt. It also makes me really wish they could have brought Jack back in to interact with other incarnations of the Doctor because I feel like seeing the different dynamics would have been really interesting (also let’s face it, John Barrowman would be hella up for it).

This is gonna primarily focus on Doctor Who events but draw on things from Torchwood because that obviously gave us a lot more info on Jack and his past. But also I’m not going to go too in depth with Torchwood stuff, because that’s a whole different essay with full in-depth vaguely shitty psychoanalysis (I have a degree but I am far from proficient).

Let’s start at the beginning with Jack’s first appearance in The Doctor Dances/The Empty Child, which are admittedly two of my favourite episodes of series 1. Admittedly, he does at first come off as cocky, brash, a little callous, and of course, a self-professed con-man and criminal. Except at the same time, we already get to see some of his heart. His cons are based selling space junk to (what seem to be) rather wealthy parties, then getting that junk destroyed before they find out what they’ve actually bought. He himself states that he believes the Chula ambulance was completely empty, so wouldn’t do any damage, and specifically programmed it so it wouldn’t hit anything living. While this doesn’t necessarily make things any more moral, it still says something about Jack. There are plenty who wouldn’t have even bothered to do that. There’s also the fact that he’s not doing it for money, but in an attempt to get back his stolen memories.

Continuing on, Jack rescues Rose and the Doctor from the hospital, proving further that he is not quite as callous as he might make out to be. Given he now knows they’re time agents, there’s technically nothing stopping him from just abandoning them and getting the hell out of this time period (except possibly his time agency training reminding him that he may have done fucked up and he needs to fix it). He almost immediately places his trust in the Doctor, jumps at the chance to help him, and when the time comes, he doesn’t even hesitate in getting the bomb (and don’t tell me he doesn’t know the risk to himself, because he totally does. He knows his chances of getting out of this are slim, but Jack Harkness is a self-sacrificing bastard if ever there was one).

(Brief sidetrack to Torchwood- Jack mentions in Countrycide (1x06) that he’s proficient in torture and once had a reputation as a go-to guy for getting answers, but it’s never really made clear when this occurred, or if it’s even truthful. Was it the Time Agency? Was it Victorian era Torchwood? Who knows?)

Next appearance. Boom Town. That interesting outfit choice. But that aside, this is where we get to see how smart Jack is. Sure, he’s from the future so he’s going to have knowledge that will sound impressive, but there’s also his plan to catch Margaret, which is pretty tactically sound. Again, Jack was a time agent, so he’s definitely not going to be just any old idiot, not to mention he was a soldier as well. We also see him working on the TARDIS, which is pretty much something we don’t really see other companions do much of in New Who, and certainly not in their third episode, which I think says a lot, both about Jack, and about the trust the Doctor now places in Jack.

The final two episodes. For one, and on a different tangent, Jack keeps a gun up his ass. Is this a common thing? Is this just so the Doctor can’t take it off him like he did before? How is this safe? For two, and on the same tangent, Jack stop groping the robots. Finally, can we appreciate how efficient Jack is? Sure, he’s a little confused at first, but he throws himself into the situation, lets them give him a few different outfits, then calmly takes them down, makes himself a gun and gets out of there without much hassle. His reaction to Rose’s ‘elimination’ absolutely breaks my heart just as much as the Doctor’s, because while the Doctor is just completely silent and lost looking, you can hear and see Jack absolutely going off in the background, lashing out. Similarly, his reaction upon realising that Rose is alive…just yes.

Second side track- how quickly did Jack get that TARDIS key? I mean, I know there were multiple adventures between episodes, but regardless, he had a key by Boom Town. That’s hella speedy.

And then there’s dealing with the daleks. Jack knows how big a deal this is, he was a time agent after all. One hit, that’s all it takes. The Doctor probably would have let him leave Satellite 5 if he’d asked, but he didn’t. He stepped up, almost certainly knowing he was going to die, but willing to do whatever he could to give the Doctor any little scrap of time he could. And he gets killed for it. And then he gets brought back to life, and he’s surrounded by dalek dust, and he gets to watch the TARDIS leave without him. And his expression is just so heartbroken, and it hurts so much. What is he thinking? Is he hoping they’ll come back for him? Does he think that they think he’s dead so they’ve left without him?

And this is the first of the Doctor’s assholery (albeit this is still 9 and not 10). He just abandons Jack, without any form of explanation as to what has just happened, on a satellite surrounded by dalek dust and corpses. While I appreciate all the Doctor was going through and the whole ‘Jack now makes me physically sick’ thing, like dude, c’mon, you owe him an explanation. He has literally just died for you, it’s the very least you can offer.

And then there’s all the shit Jack goes through before they reunite again. I could spend all day going into depth on this but let’s just summarise it: managing to get back to Earth, ending up in 19th century Cardiff, 150 years of waiting which include: dying a lot (like seriously, he has at least two separate times where people essentially kill him on repeat just because he can come back, don’t tell me that doesn’t have an effect on your psyche), being tortured, being more or less coerced into a job, two world wars, several lost loves, his boss killing the entire team and then himself, being forced into a leadership position that he does not want, recruiting his own team, Canary Wharf and Rose’s name on the list of the dead, Suzie, being shoved into the rift (Thanks Ianto), a cyberwoman in his own basement (Thanks Ianto), being blamed by his entire team for the faeries and Jasmine, watching another man out of his time kill himself and being unable to do anything but keep him company, watching one of his team more or less let a weevil attack him, being mutinied against and killed by a team member (Thanks Owen), and then getting his life energy devoured by a legitimate hell beast.

And then the Doctor shows up, and Jack runs for him, and the Doctor runs away. Nothing like a stinging sense of rejection and a jaunt to the end of the universe to help your self esteem. And pretty much the first thing the Doctor does is criticise him. And what’s worse is that the Doctor won’t even admit that he abandoned Jack. ‘Busy life. Moving on.’ It’s just such an incredibly callous statement that just completely ignores Jack’s feelings and just seems to treat him as a piece of trash to be discarded. And Jack would be wholly within his right to go off at the Doctor, but he doesn’t. Instead he asks about Rose, and there’s the hug, because he can just tell that the Doctor has something against him, but Rose is a somewhat neutral territory.

Cue the Doctor being blatantly rude to Jack for an entire scene about both his vortex manipulator and his abandonment, as well as making it more or less clear to Jack that he knew all along about Jack’s immortality. That him being left on the Game Station was no accident. And that’s just cold. And yet despite all this, the moment Jack’s with them again, the Doctor’s immediately controlling him. Dictating what he can and can’t do, and in all honesty, it feels very much like he’s still treating Jack as the brash playboy he knew in his last regeneration? Like he can’t see just how much Jack has changed since they last met, how he’s most certainly not the same man he was. He also willingly throws Jack into a situation which is dangerous and will probably cause him pain (don’t tell me that radiation chamber didn’t cause Jack pain. Just because it can’t kill me doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt) just because he knows Jack will do anything for him (and also Jack would probably volunteer anyway because he’s that sort of person). And he admits to Jack’s face that he’s known all along, that he ran away from him. He point blank tells Jack to his face that he’s wrong and that he can hardly bear to look at him, without so much as a thought to how that’s bound to feel. Asks Jack if he wants to die. The whole conversation just makes me feel on edge because it does not feel at all like a healthy friendship.

Then, when Jack tells him he’s with Torchwood, there’s the Doctor’s reaction, and it’s just so vehement. His lack of belief in Jack is just heartbreaking, because it’s such a switch from his relationship with the 9th Doctor. It’s like Jack isn’t a companion to him anymore, but more of a sort of tool. And in the Year That Never Was, we pretty much get implied that Jack gets repeatedly tortured and killed for at least the third time in his existence, over and over for an entire year. It seems pretty likely too that the Master probably executes the rest of the Torchwood team too, probably using them in an attempt to break Jack. Sure, it all gets reversed, but it clearly fucks with Jack (and we can see that in Torchwood series 2). But Jack holds up the brave front, destroys the paradox machine. And you can bet it probably hurt him like hell when the Doctor mentions keeping the Master in the TARDIS, because it kinda seems like he’d rather have the Master there than Jack. And sure, he offers to let Jack come with him, but I feel like it’s an empty offer. He knows that Jack has found something else in their time apart, knows he’s probably not going to accept. And then of course, he breaks Jack’s vortex manipulator. While I do understand this, it also makes me sad, because if he’d at least left the teleport function working, there’s a chance that Owen and Tosh could have been saved.

Jump to their next reunion after Jack has faced the following: dealing with the psychological trauma from all the shit that just happened to him, losing Owen, bringing him back, finding his long lost little brother and being stabbed by him then buried under Cardiff for nearly 2000 years, being frozen for like a century, having to stop his little brother, losing Tosh, losing Owen again. And when the world needs saving, Jack doesn’t hesitate to jump straight in, especially once they get through to the Doctor, even though he is quite clearly terrified of the daleks. He’s the only one to actually be somewhat calm and methodical when the Doctor is shot. In the dalek ship, he willingly sacrifices himself in order to be able to explore the ship more and find some way to help them. But the moment he starts making threats, there’s the Doctor’s disapproval back again. But they do it, they save the world, they go home.

And then Children of Earth happens. Jack’s entire world shatters. He loses Ianto. He has to sacrifice his own grandson to save the world. The Doctor is nowhere in sight. Jack leaves Earth, crushed. And the Doctor does his little journey through the companions to say goodbye. He saves Martha and Mickey. He gives the scratch card for Donna. He saves Luke for Sarah Jane. He visits Rose just to see her again.

And Jack?

He gives Jack Alonso. And maybe it’s just me, but I find it wholly uncomfortable. It’s a possibility the Doctor doesn’t know about the whole affair with the 456 and what Jack went through, or that he more specifically doesn’t know about Jack’s losses. But it’s also possible that he does. And he feels like the best thing he can do is to essentially offer him a shag. Even though he’s very clearly heavily grieving (No hate to Alonso, I love him) and has just lost someone he deeply loved. It feels like further confirmation of the fact that Ten still sees him as the playboy he was. Because let’s face it, Jack still flirts like a champ, but Torchwood very much paints him as that only extending to his flirting. Any further seems to fall exclusively within having relationships, which are considerably infrequent in the series (with Estelle, Angelo, Lucia and Ianto seeming to be the principal partners in his life over his 150 years). To be fair, this ‘gift’ to Jack doesn’t really seem so much an asshole move, as just Ten no longer understanding Jack, not in the way he used to.

But yeah, this got kinda longer than I initially expected and could probably do with severe editing but oh well, here it is in it’s entirety anyway.

[guinevere-beck-fanboy]

Joe Goldberg Character Analysis

This is my character analysis of Joe Goldberg, the villain protagonist of the Netflix show You. I will tell it in order of chronological events of his lifetime:

1. Joe as a child

As a child Joe lives with his mother and his father. His father physically abuses his mother and seems to have extreme paranoia and jealousy issues.

Joe loves and cares strongly for his mother as shown by the fact that his father once tortured him to try and get him to spill some secrets of his mother and yet little Joe withstood the torture and didn’t spill. Also when Joe and his mother leave to live with his mum’s new boyfriend who ends up beating her up, Joe takes a gun and shoots his step father dead to save his mother.

We also see that being with his mother means the world to Joe as he gives us a big speech about her being his “home”. This naturally leads onto Joe hiding from social services when they come to take him away from his mother after she takes the fall for his step father’s death. 

Joe ends up in the care of Mr Mooney, a book store owner, owns a book store named after him “Mooney’s”. Mr Mooney raises Joe to be the manager of Mooney’s when he grows up. He gives Joe duties in helping him run his shop and once when Joe failed them he locked him in a cage in the basement of the shop. After a while Mooney let Joe out and persuaded Joe that he had become better as a result of being in the cage and that Mooney locked him in there in the first place out of love. 

2. Joe as an adult, prior to the pilot

Joe grows up and dates Candace Stone. He cherishes their relationship as seen by the fact that when she tries to leave him he kidnaps her and takes her on a picnic to try and reawaken her feelings for him. 

Joe finds out that Candace cheated on him for a man named Elijah Thornton. Joe hunts down Elijah and finds him on the side of a rooftop. He confronts Elijah and states that he has read Candace’s phone and has seen Elijah push her around and be cruel to her. 

Joe commits his second murder and pushses Elijah off the rooftop, to his death. Why did Joe do this? I can see three possibilities:

1. He was mad at Elijah for homewrecking his relationship with Candace

2. His claims about Elijah were true, he had pushed Candace around and was a jerk to her so Joe got mad

3. A combination of these two things

One thing is for sure: this murder shows us that Joe has extreme anger issues.

Joe actually is shown feeling extreme guilt for this murder. As soon as Elijah lands and dies Joe pulls a shocked and horrified expression. When he visits Mooney for help he looks haunted and with clear regret in his voice says “I killed him..”. Mooney tells Joe he thinks he was right to kill Elijah. 

3. Joe and Beck

Next thing I’m going to analyse is Joe’s relationship with Beck. 

Joe is deeply obsessed with being in a relationship with Beck. He stalks her and steals her phone and reads all her text conversations to keep track of her. When she discovers his creepy box he takes her captive to not lose her and get her to love him again.

Beck rejecting Joe really sets him off. That is what led to him murdering her. Beck broke up with him, so he choked her to death. What makes me say that, that was the motive? Well..

In season 2 when Forty quotes what Beck said when she was rejecting Joe to him (under the impression from the book Joe and Beck wrote that she said those things to Dr Nicky) Joe attempts to strangle Forty to death as a result of what he is saying, remembering how Beck said it to him. 

Earlier in season 2 we saw Joe see a hallucination of Beck, with dark marks on her neck. Implying that he killed her via strangling. 

Despite Joe’s horrific treatment of Beck I believe he does actually care about her. When he breaks into Dr Nicky’s office and hears her audio files reveal her saying she thinks she would be better off without him he decides to let her go. Despite desperately wanting to kill Dr Nicky he chooses not to as Beck told him she doesn’t think he is capable of murder. 

Speaking about Joe’s near murder of Dr Nicky, I believe it is a parallel to Joe’s murder of Elijah.

Joe murdered Elijah after Candace cheated on Joe for him. Joe was going to murder Nicky after he found out Beck cheated on him for Nicky. 

Also as Joe is contemplating murdering Nicky, he remembers what Mooney said to him after he informed Mooney he murdered Elijah (”some people deserve to die Joe”) and contrasts it with Beck’s “you’re not a killer Joe”. 

To top it off I believe the Elijah and Nicky cheating storylines take place in the same episode. 

The only difference is that Joe goes through with killing Elijah but doesn’t go through with killing Nicky. What is this contrast supposed to show? That Beck has a more moralising influence on Joe than Candace did? I’m not actually too sure.

4. Joe and Benji

Now onto Joe and Benji. 

When Joe first begins his quest to meet and get together with Beck he discovers that Benji is her boyfriend and a horrible one. He is never around for Beck other than for sex and cheats on her. Despite this Beck stays with him. 

Joe kidnaps Benji and locks him in the cage in the basement of Mooney’s. Why is this? I can see a few possibilities:

1. Like how Joe thinks Mooney locking him in the cage changed him for the better, he wants to make Benji a better person. Joe seems appawled at Benji’s mistreatment of Beck, so this is possible.

2. The obvious possibility: Joe just wanted Benji out the way so he could go out with Beck.

3. Joe wants to free Beck from Benji’s awfulness.

4. A combination of two or all three of these possibilities.

I personally think at least the *main* motive for the kidnapping is definetly number 2. Joe does loads of horrible stuff throughout the season that he says he is doing “for Beck”. Each one of these things however, are things that obviously will help Joe out in his quest to get and keep Beck. Another example of one of these acts is him killing Peach. Joe claims to be killing Peach because he wants to free Beck of Peach’s abuse, but Peach also gets in the way of Joe’s relationship with Beck. Therefore by killing her Joe protects his relationship with her. It would be a fairly big coincidence if Joe really was doing all this for Beck and just happened to be better off after doing them. 

Based on this we see Joe’s obsession to get and keep Beck entails a lot of selfishness. Him getting to go out with Beck means more to him than a human being’s freedom. 

Despite being a murderous man, murder isn’t something Joe finds 100% easy to do. As stated with Elijah, Joe is filled with guilt after murdering him. This is why I think Joe doesn’t kill Benji as soon as he kidnaps him. However after awhile he gathers up the strength to do so and does. Like the kidnapping, the murder was done at least mainly, to get Benji out the way of him and Beck being together. 

Therefore the murder shows us even more how selfish Joe is when it comes to dating Beck. Not only is a human being’s freedom of less importance to him than going out with her, another human being’s life is also.

5. Joe and Peach 

Joe as we see really doesn’t like Peach. It’s fairly obvious why: as said before she is getting in the way of him having a nice relationship with Beck. He well and truly despises her for this. Although maybe the fact that she really does treat Beck like garbage might play a part in this, the main factor is definetly her being in his way. 

This shows us again how selfish Joe is when it comes to Beck. Another human life he has taken to preserve his relationship with her. 

6. Joe and Karen

Joe becomes a real heartbreaker here. 

Joe goes out with Karen not because he is into her but because he is heartbroken after giving up on Beck. Then when Beck is into him again ... He dumps Karen and goes out with her. 

7. Joe and Paco 

Joe and Paco.

I’ve seen people debate over whether Joe really cares about Paco. I say yes, he does. 

I think Joe’s murder of Ron proves this. Joe sees Ron about to beat up Paco and Joe then kills Ron. Joe gets nothing out of this, if anything he’s now in a worse place as he has another murder to cover up. But he does it anyway. Because Joe truly cares about Paco. Everything he did for him was out of genuine care and kindness. 

Joe sees that Paco is being abused by his mother’s boyfriend and is distressed at seeing his mother being abused so Joe decides to try and fix things for Paco. And in the end he does. 

8. Joe and Claudia

Joe and Claudia’s relationship is fairly simple. He initially sees her as a part of the problem for not leaving Ron. He seems to think she keeps him around due to stuff related to her drug addiction. So Joe and Karen get her off the drugs and Joe thinks its all over. Except Ron is still in the picture.

Joe meets Claudia in the hospital after Ron gives her a concussion and angrily confronts her for the fact Ron is still in the picture. Claudia explains to Joe that Ron is a parole officer and has connections that can see to it that Paco is removed from her custody regardless of whether he should or shouldn’t be. That is why she does not leave him, she doesn’t want to lose her son. After hearing this Joe is apologetic. He has realised that Claudia isn’t to blame.

9. Joe and Ron

Joe and Ron are natural enemies. Joe is determined to fix Paco’s life and Ron is the one who has broken it in the first place.

10. Joe’s less murderous persona in the second season

In season 2 Joe shows a much less murderous side. He decides to try and not kill people and when he does he gets very disturbed. Why has this change come about?

I feel like this is revealed after Joe kills Jasper. He sees a hallucination of Beck that tells him off for killing Jasper and for killing her. Joe says sorry, in a very regretful, quiet and dramatic way. She also states that he is scared he will hurt Love like he did Beck.

Joe does not want to kill anymore because he feels guilty about killing Beck. As stated before, Joe did care about her and then he killed her. And he doesn’t want to do the same to Love. So he wants to stop killing altogether.

However in the end Forty quotes Beck as she was rejecting Joe after locking him in his own cage. This drives Joe over the edge and he tries to murder Forty. He loses himself remembering Beck’s rejection of him and fails to no longer be murderous. Even if Forty did stop Joe from succeeding in the kill, he still tried to.

He again loses himself when he suspects Forty has cracked that he was Beck’s murderer. He gets out a shard of glass and attempts to murder him out of fear of the consequences of Forty having this knowledge.

Forty then tells Joe that he loved a woman named Sofia and she rejected him so he murdered her. Joe relates strongly to Forty and embraces him. Like Forty, Joe cared strongly for Beck and was attracted to her, and ended up murdering her for her rejection of him. He relates to Forty and is touched.

11. Joe and Ellie

Joe for some reason from the get go really cares about Ellie. I actually can’t put my finger on why but it seems clear he does. He takes it upon himself to protect her from Henderson, the child raping pedophile who she is an aquaintance of and saves her after Henderson drugs her and makes her unconscious. 

At the end he prevents her from going into care and funds her new independent life for her again showing how much he cares.

12. Joe and Delilah

At first Joe and Delilah are merely aquaintances, but after they hang out one night and have sex they end up becoming close friends. As well as Ellie, Joe strongly cares about Delilah. He was willing to give up on his life in the USA and spend the rest of his life in Mexico so that he wouldn’t have to kill Delilah to prevent himself being arrested for killing Henderson. 

Also another thing to note is that Delilah is a parallel character to Karen Minty. Joe has sex with Delilah after Love leaves him like how Joe had sex with Karen after Beck left him. 

I would also say she is a parallel character to Claudia. Claudia is Paco’s carer and Delilah is Ellie’s carer.

13. Joe and Henderson

Henderson is a parallel character to Ron. Joe’s child friend in season 1, Paco was tormented by Ron and his child friend in season 2, Ellie is tormented by Henderson. Joe decides to protect the kids from their tormentors. 

Like with Ron, Joe and Henderson are natural enemies. 

14. Joe and Love 

Because Joe is determined not to hurt Love the way he did Beck, I think he cares about her in a similar way he does Beck. Like with Beck he also wants to be in a relationship with Love. 

After Love reveals her true colours however Joe seems to be angry at her and dislike her. This goes to the point that he even tries to murder Love. 

I believe the main reason for Joe’s dislike of Love is not so much because she is a murderer but rather *who* she murdered: Delilah.

As established before Joe well and truly cares about Delilah and Ellie. Now Love has killed Delilah and as a result truly hurt Ellie. As a result Joe is absolutely furious at Love and is out for her blood.

In addition to this Joe’s reaction to finding out Love’s true nature is “you killed Delilah!” not “you’ve killed people!”, “you’re a murderer!” or “you killed Delilah and Candace!”. Love showed him that she killed Candace and told him she killed her and Forty’s au pair Sofia. Yet Joe doesn’t react to that, only that she killed Delilah. And he also asks “what about Ellie?”. His objections to Love all seem to be about Delilah and Ellie, not generally the fact that she’s messed up like him. 

Also as I am writing this I just had a thought; what if Joe is weirded out by Love? She is obsessed with him and is willing to murder to be with him as she has shown? Yes Joe himself is like this, but now that he is the victim of it, maybe he finds it weird and freaky and that has a part in this?

That being said I still think he is mad about Delilah and Ellie as bringing them up is his initial reaction to Love’s revelation. 

During Love’s lesbian friends wedding Joe realises that he and Love are alike and they have both done similar horrible things. 

That being said its clear that despite Joe’s realisation that he does not have the right to judge Love, he is no longer attracted to her. And I think that this is because of the revelation, he was attracted to who he thought she was prior to it, he doesn’t find who she actually is very attractive. I reckon personally that this comes down to him being freaked out by her obsessional yandere murderous nature. 

15. A general summary of Joe Goldberg

To summarise Joe as a human being, I’d say he is a horrible person without a shed of doubt. 

But despite overall being horrible, he is a caring and considerate person. I think his general charm in interacting with other characters whether they be major or minor is genuine. However that doesn’t mean he is a good person because..

He is also very selfish and very aggressive. He is prepared to do great harm to others to get what he wants, and if you annoy him like Elijah did you’ll regret it. 

When it comes to his friends (Paco, Ellie, Delilah) and his love interests (Beck, Love) though he is far less selfish and actually quite selfLESS. His murder of Beck didn’t come down to selfishness, it came down to him being horrified that she was rejecting him. The great lengths and sacrifices he makes for them speak a lot to his care about them. 

16. Parallels

One last thing I want to explain is something I’ve touched on all throughout this post: the characters of season 1 and 2 are parallels. The parallels are:

Beck and Love: Joe’s love interests

Paco and Ellie: Joe’s kid friends he protects

Ron and Henderson: The tormentors of the kids he protects them from

Claudia and Delilah: Carers of Joe’s kid friends

Karen and Delilah: After Beck leaves Joe he has sex with Karen, after Love leaves Joe he has sex with Delilah

(Possibly) Peach and Forty: In that they are each competition for Joe when it comes to the love interest, Peach is a love rival while Forty tries to have Love to himself. The parallel could also be a way of portraying Joe’s character development, when Peach got in his way he murdered her, while Joe tries to get along with Forty being in the picture. 

[15001700tt]

Descendants of The Moon

Descendants of the Moon Masterlist

Tag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush @laadychat @whoissheff Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: 5,154

Key: Italics- things that happened in the drama but do not old any importance to the story line

Key: Bold- Dialogue said in the Drama

Getting Caught and Catching A Virus

Episode 10:

Captain Yoo doesn’t respond to Dae Young’s radio calls so they head to where they are, but by then Agus and his men have left. Shi Jin summarized what happened. Fatima is a girl that was going to get sold today and she managed to shoot Agus from behind, Mo Yeon was able to remove the bullet and they left but Captain Yoo doubted this would be the last time they would meet. The soldiers help the children to get into the truck and back to the field hospital to get treated.

Once they’re back, Mo Yeon helps the doctors test and treat the infected children. Doctor Sang and Nurse Ha were treating one kid while Mo Yeon looked at the X-rays. 

“I see signs of pneumonia,” she told Sang Hyun. 

“We’ll take it from here, go wash up,” Sang Hyun told Mo Yeon. she nodded and went to the water basin and started scrubbing her hands. She was so distracted she didn't notice Yoo Ji approaching her.

“Are the children vaccinated?” Yoo Ji asked, her eyes not focusing, but it was subtle. Mo Yeon didn't catch it. Mo Yeon was snapped back to reality when she turned to respond but was taken off guard by the strong smell of alcohol.

“Have you been drinking?” she squinted her eyes at her friend, who in return shrugged.

“A little” Yoo Ji responded, her words slurring together. 

“I won’t even ask where you got the booze but why are you drinking now?” Mo Yeon thought Yoo Ji was doing so well staying sober or at least not abusing her alcohol allowance.

“Gwang Nam is being an ass,” Yoo Ji muttered. 

“He seems pretty nice to me” Mo Yeon scrubbed her hands harder. 

“It's a facade, why do you have blood on your hands?” Yoo Ji slurred, but her gaze didn't falter from Mo Yeon’s hands. Mo Yeon sighed, she didn't know how to explain what happened in the last few hours to her friend.

“I’ll explain later when you’re sober” Mo Yeon chose the easy way out.

“So what happened with First Sergeant Lim?”

“He keeps digging information about the Kim Hoon Jae case” Yoo Ji picked at the loose hem of her shirt.

“He won’t let it go, and I have no idea how to distract him enough that he forgets about it” she huffed.

“You still have the nightmares?” Mo Yeon asked that case affected Yoo Ji the most out of all her work. What she had gone through, changed her so much, sometimes Mo Yeon can barely recognize her friend. Mo Yeon knows the kind of psychological damage that Yoo Ji endured because of her involvement, she recommended multiple psychiatrists to Yoo Ji but she never confirms nor denies whether she actually goes or not. Yoo Ji nodded.

“I think it's good to tell him about it, maybe actually help you feel lighter. Holding it in isn’t going to make anyone feel any better,” Mo Yeon tried to recommend. Mo Yeon wiped her hands on the cloth towel by the sink, Yoo Ji shook her head, her face was red from the alcohol. Mo Yeon’s eyes were drawn to behind Yoo Ji to the moving figure behind them. 

“Doctor Kang! The girl you brought with you says that she’s leaving. What should I do?” Nurse Choi’s concerned voice sounded out, her eyes drawn to the drunk girl beside Mo Yeon.

“Are you drunk?” she asked Yoo Ji with surprise, Yoo Ji smiled cheekily and gave her a smile.

“Shhh, don’t tell anybody” she hushed Nurse Choi. 

“Take her back to her room and I’ll handle the kid,” Mo Yeon told Min Ji and nodded at Yoo Ji who was dozing off. Min Ji nodded and guided Yoo Ji away from the Medi-Cube. 

“I can walk” Yoo Ji shrugged Min Ji’s hand. Halfway through they ran into a few soldiers. Min Ji bowed and excused themselves before Yoo Ji made a fool of herself. Gwang Nam was one of the soldiers they passed. He paused and looked back.

“Yoo Ji?” he asked with uncertainty. Yoo Ji looked drunk, her cheeks red, and her eyes were unfocused 

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out” she responded with a goofy chuckle. 

Gwang Nam told the soldiers to go ahead and he’ll see them inside. He came closer to the two girls. 

“Please don’t tell anyone, if someone knows she might get fired.” Min Ji excused.

“It’s ok, I’ll take her back, you can go back to the Medi-Cube” Gwang Nam smiled at the nurse who nodded and left.

“Aw, everyone is leaving me tonight” Yoo Ji huffed and pouted. 

“I haven’t, but you’re pushing me away” Gwang Nam took her shoulders and steadied her as she started swaying.

“And you’re driving me crazy” she responded. Gwang Nam looked at her hard, it was throwing him off how she can be so drunk that she can’t walk properly but can hold a conversation just fine.

“Why won’t you tell me anything about yourself or your work?” Gwang Nam tried again.

“Because it’s not as exciting as I want you to think” Yoo Ji pointed her finger at his nose, her eyes glistening and unfocused. 

“Besides, it’s not like you’re telling me anything either” Yoo Ji slurred. 

“This is a different situation” Gwang Nam refuted, “you’re a reporter, isn’t everything out for the public?” he continued.

“Indeed, but not my personal psychological problems, I’d like to keep those private” Yoo Ji responded rolling her eyes.

“Just what are you hiding?” Gwang Nam’s curiosity filled him but he couldn’t get more out of Yoo Ji because right after her head hit his shoulder and her soft breathing evened out. 

Gwang Nam sighed again, she’s proving to be more work as they get to know each other more. He looked at her face that seemed so peaceful. He wondered if something happened that made her so wary of everyone around her. He reached the bunker and laid her down. He covered her and left her to sleep for the rest of the night. He glanced at the empty whiskey bottle by her bed and put it in the trash, just in case someone decided to look for Yoo Ji in her room.

Gwang Nam made his way to the Medi Cube, at this point he’ll miss the meeting but he’ll talk with Captain Yoo about it later. Gwang Nam was going to find out what happened with Kim Hoon Jae that Yoo Ji is being more resistant to giving information. Well, more than she already is but he knows sometimes she does that to annoy him and remind him that he’s also withholding information about his job too.

He found both First Lieutenant Yoon and Doctor Kang stocking up the cabinets in the Medi-Cube. They were talking about Myung Ju’s trip to the village to treat the remaining kids. It looked like Mo Yeon was ready to leave but halted when she saw Gwang Nam coming to them.

“Power of unity” Gwang Nam saluted Myung Ju and she nodded at him. 

“Did you need something?” Doctor Kang asked.

“Uh yes, I was curious about something” Gwang Nam started, turning to Mo Yeon. Mo Yeon raised an eyebrow, she knew he was with Yoo Ji and was bugging her about the Kim Hoon Jae case. She stared at his face and tried to see if he had any ill intentions, she knows Yoo Ji won’t ever tell him about what happened when she was on that case, but that doesn’t mean Mo Yeon won’t tell him the basics. He needs to stop bringing it up and just accept it.

“Yoo Ji was involved in the serial killer case of Kim Hoon Jae, she won’t let me ask about it” he continued looking uncomfortable, “I wanted to know if it had affected her in any way”.

“Mun Yoo Ji was involved in that case?” Myung Ju’s surprised tone told Mo Yeon that she didn't know any of this either.

“It was a very complicated case, he was on the loose and had killed so many girls and the detectives had no idea how to find him, his killings were irregular, he didn't have a pattern or a connection to his victims” Mo Yeon started leaning against the shelf lightly. 

“But he was found because of his medical records, right? I heard about it on the news, it was very impressive” Myung Ju commented. 

“It was Yoo Ji that was able to tip the police of his location, she looked up his medical records and his file from the police department, she was able to find the exact bar he hung out at because he had Hodgkin's lymphoma-” Mo Yeon was cut off by Gwang Nam.

“And the bar he hung out at was the only one in the area that had two separate bars with virgin drinks, yeah, I know that part but was she ever involved in the arrest or came in contact with him?” Gwang Nam asked but Mo Yeon knew that he would come to realize that Yoo Ji is psychologically hurt from that case.

“I only know some of what happened, not everything but yes, she was involved in the arrest,” she answered.

“Wait, didn't Kim Hoon Jae break out of prison and kidnap someone” Myung Ju’s eyes widened as she started putting the pieces together. 

“Yoo Ji’s connection to the major media channels was able to leave her name out of the news, but yeah, she was the one that was kidnapped by him. He had her for two weeks, he psychologically and physically abused her,” Mo Yeon told them. Gwang Nam held his breath, he didn't know it was this serious.

“Her need for information is just something that helps ease her anxiety, because when she was with him, he seemed to know everything about her life, like he was there when it happened, and that broke her. Yoo Ji is not the kind to feel helpless often and this one really did a number” Mo Yeon informed them of the severity. Myung Ju and Gwang Nam made eye contact. With Gwang Nam’s line of work, he may never be able to tell her the entire truth. 

“But this need for information is destroying her from the inside out, it’s not healthy and she often has insomnia because her brain is going haywire with so much information, and the nightmares,” Mo Yeon told them. 

“I feel like a jerk now because of what I said” Myung Ju sighed. 

“You can’t take it back, Yoo Ji will know that I told you and will get pissed off” Mo Yeon informed her.

“She doesn’t want people to know because if they do they might change how they act around her, she doesn’t want to be tiptoed around or get any pity” Mo Yeon explained Yoo Ji’s thought process.

“She’ll know I told you tonight, and she’ll be pissed off. Don’t let it put you off though, it’s her way of testing you” Mo Yeon told Gwang Nam, she picked up her stuff and bid them good night. Gwang Nam sighed and leaned against the wall. Just as he thought things were getting easier.

“Regretting asking about it?” Myung Ju asked him.

“No, but I thought she was messing with me, I didn't think it was something this serious” his tired and defeated voice responded. 

“You should’ve known from the moment she kicked the crap out of the thugs at the hospital; she’s not normal, none of us are” Myung Ju finished off, and smiled at him sympathetically, she told him good night and left him alone.

------------------------------------------------------------------

-The Next Morning-

Dae Young and Myung Ju went to the village but they found it completely deserted, so they came back, Mo Yeon and Shi Jin were having a moment *the hair tying* and then the packages from Korea came. At this point in their morning/afternoon, Yoo Ji woke up with a hangover and drank coffee, and moved on with her day, a hangover was not stopping her from doing her usual routine. 

She heard the packages had arrived so she went to see if she got anything, she noticed a box with lots of hearts and the names of the Captain and his Deputy leader on it and knew that they were in deep shit. So she hung out near the corner of the room to watch the show.

“Sergeant First Class Seo, there's a package from someone named Shin Ji Young.” Mo Yeon radioed Dae Young, which made Yoo Ji choke on her laugh, Myung Ju should be coming any minute now.

“Where are you now?” his voice was serious yet panicked.

“In the kitchen” Mo Yeon responded. Almost five seconds later, Myung Ju came bursting through the door and grabbed the box from Mo Yeon’s hands.

“Oh! That surprised me.” Mo Yeon squeaked

 “I'm going to have to inspect this real quick.” Myung Ju glared at the box. Myung Ju read the messages written on the box, each sentence growing angrier.

“Does Dae Young have a younger sister?” Mo Yeon asked curiously.

“Dae Young is an only child!”

“That shouldn’t be my fault” Mo Yeon defended. Myung Ju huffed and ripped open the package and got out the envelope, it seemed like there was a picture in there because Mo Yeon got closer to Myung Ju to get a closer look and squinted her eyes.

“Omo, why is Shi Jin here?” Yoo Ji silently laughed, looking at those two jealous fools. 

“The day we met Shi Jin Oppa. We send our memories to you.” Mo Yeon read out loud.

“First Lieutenant Yoon, bring your gun.” Mo Yeon looked murderous, it made Yoo Ji crinkle her eyes more, just to stop herself from making any noise.

“It’s a misunderstanding” Shi Jin and Dae young came barreling in, probably ran all the way here from where they were.

Yoo Ji watched as they tried to explain the package but failed miserably and were digging themselves into bigger holes. Mo Yeon told Shi Jin to follow her leaving Myung Ju and Dae Young alone. As they left Yoo Ji noticed three people behind the wall and she went over and found Woo Geun, Cheol Ho, and Gwang Nam.

“What are you doing?” she murmured, hiding with them

“I was right. It was obvious it was a blind date.” Gwang Nam broke his stare off with Yoo Ji, well it wasn’t really a stare-off, she avoided his gaze.

“You’re talking about the first birthday party of Bravo Team's Sergeant Park's son? They both disappeared right after they gave their presents” Cheol Ho confirmed.

Woo Geun sighed in annoyance and brought out money to pay the bet that he had with Gwang Nam, Yoo Ji smirked, it seemed like Woo Geun was horrible at making winning bets.

“They said that a high school classmate's father had passed away.” Woo Geun scoffed

“It doesn't even make sense that the two of them would have the same classmate.” Gwang Nam told him, they didn't go to school together. Yoo Ji chuckled

“They couldn't even get their story straight with us either.” Cheol Ho smiled. 

“A room full of special forces agents and none of them can lie correctly” Yoo Ji mused, shaking her head. Yoo Ji turned and left them.

“Nurse Choi called Mo Yeon because of an Emergency in the Medi-cube, Yoo Ji made her way there, Sang Hyun and Nurse Ha followed her. Mo Yeon arrived before them.

“The narcotics are gone,” Nurse Choi Min Ji said.

“Who would’ve taken them?” Sang Hyun pondered.

“All the patients are here and nothing else is missing” Nurse Ha stated.

“Not everyone, someone has been missing” Mo Yeon sighed, getting out her radio.

“Has anyone seen Fatima lately?” 

“Come on we need to find Shi Jin” Yoo Ji informed Mo Yeon.

Once they found him, they made their way into town, the bar valentine ran might have information.

“How have you been?” Shi Jin greeted Val, Yoo Ji nodded in acknowledgment at the girl.

“You need something,” Val stated, getting straight to the point.

“Information. A red dress, a 15-year-old girl. She's stealing narcotics.” Shi Jin gave her the basic info. Val shook her head, already refusing his request.

“I keep telling you, we sell everything here except women and information” she reiterated.

“Val please, this is urgent and serious.” Yoo Ji pleaded for her to hear them out.

“You don’t have to, but there must be someone else who could” Shi Jin interrupted.

“Please, she’s only 15 years old,” Shi Jin asked again. Val cleared her throat and looked away, she sighed and rang someone up on her phone.

“Where is the black market for narcotics?”

As soon as they got the location, Yoo Ji paid Val the amount she wanted and they were set on their way. 

“How do we find it?” Mo Yeon asked once they reached the place, there were a bunch of buildings that looked run down and were on the verge of collapsing. They didn't wait long until they heard a girl scream. They ran over to the sound.

“Son of a bitch! were you lying to me this whole time?” Fatima asked angrily.

“No, Fatima you trusted me too much, now follow me before I beat you harder,” the boy said as he held Fatima by her hair.

“Stop! Don’t touch her” Yoo Ji shouted at the boy. 

“Is he a soldier?”  one of the boys asked, Yoo Ji sighed.

“Your uniform is always bringing us trouble” she Sighed as she looked at the boys pulling out their weapons.

“Don’t worry, we have more weapons than him,” the leader, Yoo Ji assumed, said.

“I hope you weren’t looking for us” he continued with a smirk on his face as all three of them put their hands up in surrender.

“More guns? Why are there guns every day? What kind of country is this?” Mo Yeon whined as she felt fear penetrate her, Yoo Ji chuckled.

“It's because you both ran in with no plan,” Shi Jin told her.

“If we came later, she might’ve been hurt more” Mo Yeon refuted. Yoo Ji is still making eye contact with the leader.

“Yes, good job because Fatima will be fine while we get shot at” Shi Jin’s sarcastic voice was lowered but Yoo Ji still heard him. 

“What are they saying?” one of the goons, asked.

“Who cares? Put your gun down if you don't want to die” the leader told the captain.

“What the hell are we going to do now?” Mo Yeon asked.

“Well, it isn't like there isn't a way” Shi Jin said as he evaluated the situation.

“Seven guns. Mun Yoo Ji takes the right side. I'll take the left side.” he joked, Yoo Ji nodded.

“Don't be scared,” he whispered to Mo Yeon. 

“I hope you were serious” Yoo Ji gritted her teeth readying herself to fight with speed she never used to beat the boys with machines that can kill her in twenty seconds.

“Let’s see if you're really made of what you say you are,” Shi Jin said to Yoo Ji with a chuckle.

“Okay, let’s make a deal” Shi Jin moved forward, with his hands still raised in surrender.

“I’ll drop my weapon and you let the girls go”

“What do you mean, you’re gonna drop your weapon and the girls get on their knees now” the boy refuted shaking his gun around. Yoo Ji noticed his loose grip, either from carelessness or from inexperience. Probably only shot it once or twice before today. She surveyed the other boys and found them to be pretty much the same.

“Huh, I thought I could fool him” he paused, “okay, no more jokes when I say now, you run back to the car and wait by the door,” he instructed Mo Yeon. 

“Five minutes should do it,” he evaluated once again.

“You’re overestimating my ability to move fast enough to avoid the guns Captain Yoo, make that 10” Yoo Ji added.

“If five minutes pass and we’re not out, just leave no matter what.” he continued, ignoring Yoo Ji’s comment.

“Oh god, Gwang Nam is going to kill me” Shi Jin glanced at Yoo Ji. 

“I’ll try to spare you by not getting injured,” Yoo Ji told him.

“What is that bastard saying? Shut up and drop your weapon” the leader said moving towards them and putting his hand to stabilize the gun in his other.

“Okay, okay” Shi Jin muttered. 

“I’ll drop it, do you like this spot?” Shi Jin asked with a small smile on his lips.

“I can’t use this gun anyway” Shi Jin continued, the boys can’t understand him still because he was speaking Korean but Yoo Ji understood. He’d had to write a lot of reports.

Yoo Ji realized that he was going to take the leader’s gun and use that instead, so she quickly picked a target and zeroed in on his actions. 

Shi Jin waited until the boy was lowered enough and slid his gun backward and jammed the boy’s hand upwards so he couldn't shoot him. 

“Now!” Mo Yeon sprung in action and so did Fatima. Yoo Ji quickly grabbed the boy’s hand towards one of the other boys so that he wouldn't shoot, and then kicked him in his stomach so he would double over. She quickly was able to get his gun.

“You think I’ll get arrested if I use the gun” Yoo Ji wondered out loud to Shi Jin.

“Yes!” he yelled back. She huffed and threw the gun far away from their reach. Shi Jin was able to grab another boy’s gun and twisted his elbow so he had no control of his hand and shot in the clutter of boys’ direction but didn’t hit anyone specific mostly to scare them and to make them back off. 

Yoo Ji yelped as she heard the gun go off and quickly punch another boy coming at her. She disabled another gun as another smaller boy came at her, the gun in her hand went slamming down on his shoes. He yelled in pain and she looked away and saw Shi Jin do the same.

“Aw man, now you're just stealing my moves,” she called out to him, but she was running out of breath, she breathed hard as a blond boy circled around her, his hands on his gun shaking. 

“Do you even know how to shoot that?” Yoo Ji asked him in English, taunting him. He clicked his safety off but didn't get a chance to press the trigger before Yoo Ji hit his knee cap to the side, breaking it. He fell to his knees and she kneed his nose, he dropped the gun and she kicked it toward the other pile of guns.

She held her breath, noticing a boy sneaking towards the direction Fatima ran to take cover in, her call of warning died in her throat as Shi Jin started shooting towards the boys’ shoes making his fall and stay down. She didn't think he was shot, just knocked out. He started walking backward towards Fatima, who didn't run with Mo Yeon to the car as Yoo Ji assumed. Yoo Ji breathed hard.

“Well this was a work out” she tried to slow down her breathing. She started making her way to them when she saw the boys getting up and starting to shoot again, she rolled her eyes and snuck up behind one of them and elbowed the back of his head, knocking him out. 

“Why don't you guys stay down” she growled. They pointed their guns between her, Shi Jin, and Fatima.

“Shouldn’t Mo Yeon do something to help us?” Yoo Ji shouted at the Captain.

“I told her to leave if we don’t come out” he yelled back as he ran out of bullets and took cover behind the old truck. He tried to reach for another gun but couldn't get it in time. 

“Now what?” Yoo Ji yelled as she kicked another boy away from her and grabbed his gun and pointed at him. Her question went unanswered as she heard a car come screeching towards them, she managed to roll out of the way. She glanced at the car to see it was the military car that they came in and Mo Yeon was driving it now. 

She suddenly backtracked the car almost crushing Shi Jin’s hand,

“Hurry, get in!” she told Shi Jin. Yoo Ji who was on the other side of the car from Shi Jin opened the door and jumped inside the front passenger seat while Shi Jin and Fatima got in the back. As they made their way back, Mo Yeon was grinning.

“Wow, awesome! This is totally exciting!” she said laughing. Yoo Ji looked back towards Shi Jin who looked at her disbelief. Yoo Ji and Shi Jin were heaving, trying to catch their breath from fighting a whole gang.

“I'm still excited! Did you become a soldier for this?” Mo Yeon asked the Captain.

“I fought off the enemy!” she yelled in glee. 

“You mean you ran over the enemy, we fought off the enemy” Yoo Ji responded with amusement in her voice.

“You almost ran me over too!” Shi Jin told her.

“I knew you would avoid it, it was all calculated” Mo Yeon replied with a grin on her face.

“With calculations like that, how did you make it through medical school?” he grunted in the back. Yoo Ji chuckled.

“She could save people but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t put them in hospitals” Yoo Ji replied jokingly, which Mo Yeon fake glared at her. The car started slowing down and came to a stop.

“What’s wrong with this car?” Mo Yeon asked in confusion.

“Why don’t you know? You beat it up too much, this woman now wrecked three cars” he said Yoo Ji laughed as she got out of the car.

“I'll try to get in contact with anyone nearby.” Shi Jin pulled out his walkie talkie.

“Big Boss transmitting. The location is roughly 15 km from the city towards the barracks. The car is down. If there is any soldier within the radius, contact me.” Captain Yoo said. A second later Dae Young’s voice responded.

“Wolf transmitting. Currently on landmine operation in the direction of Phantom Village.”

“What’s the matter? Why do you always get stuck on roads?” Dae Young’s voice cut through with a bit of an edge.

“No kidding” Shi Jin responded while looking at the car engine.

“I’ll send Sergeant Gong” Dae Young sighed. 

“They’re sending Cheol Ho to pick us up,” Shi Jin told the girls. Mo Yeon took Fatima a little farther to scold her while Yoo Ji stayed near the car

They were finally able to make it back to the base and Mo Yeon went to take a shower and Yoo Ji decided that she should do the same, her muscles will start to ache from her vigorous workout. As soon as Yoo Ji got out of the shower the lights went out. She sighed and felt her way back to her room.

-----------------------------------------------

-The Next Morning-

The Alpha team got the news that manager Jin got arrested for identity fraud by the Mohoru Police and then one of the patients told Shi Jin and Dae young that manager Jin has a fistful of diamonds. Shi Jin concluded that he was probably on the run from someone. 

*The Alpha team gets all suited up in all black and goes to save the manager but it's a black op so it’s not officially said that they rescued the man. While they are there Shi Jin faces off with Agus one more time. As he is the one that’s been haunting manager Jin down for the diamonds.* 

They came back with the man and he was put into the Medi-Cube. Shi Jin was interrogating him. When Manager Jin started coughing and calling for a doctor. It turns out he has internal bleeding from the diamonds. 

Yoo Ji sighed as she shook her head trying to shake away the dizziness. Damn it's happening more often now. She felt light-headed and couldn't focus. Gwang Nam came running towards her, he looked so shaken up.

“Doctor Kang and First Lieutenant Yoon” he stated but paused. 

“They’re in OR, what’s wrong?” Yoo Ji said, confused.

“Manager Jin has the M virus” Gwang Nam spilled out finally. Yoo Ji’s chair fell as she suddenly stood up.

“What?!” her voice rang through the room. 

“They are in isolation in the OR” Gwang Nam informed her. Yoo Ji’s dizziness was forgotten as she booked it towards the Medi-Cube, Gwang Nam following her. 

Once she arrived, she found Shi Jin and Dae Young glued to the doors separating the girls from the rest of them. She pushed through the doctors and stood in between the men.

“The U.S. base has a laboratory but I am not sure they will cooperate,” Myung Ju said.

“I'll take care of that,” Shi Jin said as he opened his phone.

“I'll go prepare the transportation,” Dae Young said as he ran out. 

“What’s going on?” Yoo Ji’s voice was strong but her eyes wavered, looking at both her friends.

“Manager Jin seems to have the M Virus, we both got contaminated by blood” Myung Ju responded. 

“We’ll be ok,” Mo Yoeon assured Yoo Ji. 

Yoo Ji started swaying slightly, the rush of adrenaline had left her body and all she felt now was exhaustion, days of not sleeping, and not getting any rest was taking its toll on her. Her swaying got more noticeable and Mo Yeon gasp alerted everyone that's wasn’t aware, as Yoo Ji almost hit the floor. Gwang Nam swooped in and supported Yoo Ji holding onto her waist. Shi Jin looked at Yoo Ji with complete shock. 

“What is wrong with her?” Gwang Nam asked.

“She needs an IV and dextrose solution, she needs rest” Mo Yeon instructed one of the nurses. This wasn’t the first time this happened, but it put everyone on edge, the circumstances were horrible.

“Overexertion and insomnia, she’ll be fine.” Mo Yeon explained, “we’ll be fine” Myung Ju looked at Mo Yeon with concern for Yoo Ji while she was also anxious about their own situation. Gwang Nam settled Yoo Ji on one of the beds.

Captain Yoo and Deputy Leader Seo came back, Gwang Nam saw both of them march to the OR. Gwang Nam peaked at the situation, Dae Young hugged Myung Ju tightly and wouldn’t let go. Gwang Nam figured that she’s probably the one that got it. He looked back at Yoo Ji, she was sleeping peacefully, but once she wakes up, he’ll have to tell her.