#epic hera is my favorite hera

[bloody-lasagne]

Hera is just that girl y'know 🕺🪩🕺🪩

Epic!Hera having a Groovy 70/80's aesthetic is something i really love, since i'm used to seen her being despicted as a very regal goddess, so seen her dancing and posing in the animatic of God Games was a pretty funny and original to me.

Crazy thing is that is not even the first time i see Hera with this type of vibe, since Destripando la Historia used the song "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!" by ABBA as inspiration for Hera's song, wich was released in 1979 and is very catchy and upbeat song. I guess musicians just read about Hera and somehow get very Grooby vibes from her.

Art belonging to: @anniflamma

[theblindgoddess]

Epic the Musical AU

An au that begins after Aphrodite wins the golden apple and she shows Paris what is basically a magic video recording of Helen, telling him about his future bride.

However, in this magic video recording Helen is spending time with Penelope, and Paris goes "forget that Helen chick, I want that one."

And Aphrodite just goes with it, so instead of kidnapping Helen, Paris and Aphrodite kidnap Penelope, and a baby Telemachus to help them better control Penelope.

Odysseus is rightfully murderous, and even if he doesn't have the benefit of a treaty to get all of the Greeks on his side, he is still able to strong arm and lie his way into getting that massive army to besiege Troy and get his wife back.

And over in Troy Penelope is making the situation as insufferable for Paris as she possibly can, she will cause all of the problems until she can get back home safely with her son.

This au would be called Penelope of Troy.

[dynasty889]

For my fellow Warrior!Penelope connoisseurs and enjoyers :D

(The music is like just the slightest bit behind the frames ugh)

[mer-acle]

Been thinking that for "Slipping through my fingers", Hera would probably be able to bond with Athena over them both having experienced a rather unusual birth after being consumed by their respective fathers. Like, Hera knows what it's like to be so new to the world, to feel air on your skin, for everything to be so bright.

Which then led me to think. I want Athena to be pretty battered by her birth (obviously, surprising nobody at all) for Hera to be able to take care of her (h/c, you will never be free of me) Meanwhile the children of Cronos were in fighting shape immediately after birth apparently.

So here's my thing. What if Metis, being the brain of that whole operation (not sorry Zeus) knew how exactly to go about this so the siblings wouldn't get injured but a) Zeus purposefully consumed her another way so that option would be off the table or b) due to her being on the inside, she couldn't initiate the same process and had to improvise. Like. She gave her daughter armor bc she knew it would be risky to send her out this way. (my idea is that inside of him, they weren't really physical beings, more like spirits that to themselves and each other appear physical, and so were the Cronides, but the latter were spirit-puked up and turned physical as soon as they were outside, whereas Metis turned Athena sorta-physical inside of Zeus so she could use an actual physical spear. And yeah. That was not exactly kind on Athena's body.)

Anyway. I like the idea that Metis was the one looking out for the siblings for the plan, but for her own child, she couldn't protect her the way she wanted to :)

@evermorecatra obviously this is also very Zeus' Favorite coded if you know what i mean xx

[missdarhk]

sooooo hypothetically speaking, if I were to write a modern day odypen fic where he is a professional dancer and she is famous (maybe actress? dont know yet) and they get paired up together in a 'dancing with the stars ' type of show, with sprinkled fakedating in the mix, would anyone be interested in reading that

[d-choppy]

The Wisdom Saga is here !

i wanted to do some fanart of my favorit design of Circé, Hermes but especialy Hera ! i m so in love with her design ! a big thanks to @gigizetz for all of the animatic, i'm so in love of your work ! (it's a fanart of her versions of the characters of Epic the musical)

[simping-overload]

ɢʀᴇᴇᴋ ɢᴏᴅꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ᴡɪɴɢᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ

a/n: the wings take inspo from maleficent. Colors, and other details are left vague! Feel free to send an ask for any other god for pt 2!

tags: wings, fluff, romance, human? reader, gods, headcanons format. completely gn reader! no gender ever mentioned. Not proof read!!!

characters: zeus, hera, ares, aphrodiate, hephaestus, hermes

Disclaimer: this combines the world of the og Greek texts, blood of zeus, epic the musical, hades game, and my personal view of the gods. this can contain improper or ooc information. I have favorites if it's not obvious.

if you wish to support me please consider donating to my kofi or requesting a commission so I can help feed both my cats and colony cats of my neighborhood!!!

ᴢᴇᴜꜱ

-> loves them, finds that they add on to your beauty. teh strength of your wings impress him greatly, and he'd love to watch you fly. he sometimes likes to fly with you, turning into his bird form so you can race. yes, he will get upset if he loses and zeus tantrum ensues.

-> kiss, kiss, kisses them all the time. not an each of wing is left untouched. he knows where all of your senstive bits are and will use it to his advantage. the spot between your wings is teased relentlessly and often found to be covered in hickeys.

-> he has a painting of your wings and has them placed somewhere on his palace walls and likes to look at it frequently. he makes sure to get one that involves both him and your wings eventually as well. he's adamant that you have your wings around him as your sleep regardless of the position. he enjoys the feeling of your feathers against his skin greatly.

ʜᴇʀᴀ

-> finds your wings to be beautiful. She appreciates them for their appearance and their strength. she can often find herself captivated at the way they move even when idle. she loves flying with you, not to race but to simply relax. she likes to go sight seeing with you, pretty areas you find are often new vacation spots you use to get away from everyone.

-> she likes to touch them, where they connect with your back. the feathers are the softest there, and where your the most sensitive. somtimes she likes teasing you via letting her hands ghost around that area. she also likes to kiss your wings. she often does collect your feathers, adding them to her daily appearance since she wants to both look good(she always does) and have something to constantly remind her of you.

-> she finds it comfortable to be wrapped up in your wings. so please, let her rest against your chest safe in each other's arms as your wings are wrapped around her. blocking the rest of the world from reaching her.

ᴀʀᴇꜱ

-> he's indifferent about your wings, but he's worried about their fragility. at the beginning, he refused to spar with you on this pretense, but that changed when you managed to slap somebody with your wing and send them flying. when you spar, he's still careful and makes sure not to damage your wings intentionally.

-> just like his mother, he also likes to touch them, can quite find them therapeutic when he needs to calm down. he used to be and still is scared of breaking them, he's witnessed how easily his hands can break things and he doesn't want to break you. also because he accidentally pulled a feather out and didn't touch your wings willingly for a while. he doesn't kiss your wings but he smothers his face in them and just chills there.

-> the feathers that shead from your wings get collected for his helmet crest/plume(it's the brush looking thing on greek helms) when he finally acquires enough he'd have them condensed and into a newer helmet that he'd wear to battle.

ᴀᴘʜʀᴏᴅɪᴀᴛᴇ

-> she loves them! quite obsessed with them, actually. she makes sure they're taken care of and beautiful at any hour of day. she usually has a servant take care of them as she watches, making sure they're up to standard or she'd do it herself.

-> she collects your feathers, adding them onto the clothing she wears to show off who she's with. any feathers she can't put into clothes are tucked away in a box for later. don't bother worry the amount of feathers you'd eventually end up with and possibly hiding them. she will always end up finding them and will get upset with you.

-> she likes to sleep in your arms already and the wings are just a bonus. and even when you aren't in bed sleeping, regardless if your simply going about with your day doing whatever. she likes to hide in your wings to avoid her any duties and people.

ʜᴇᴘʜᴀᴇꜱᴛᴜꜱ

-> finds them quite beautiful and interesting. He doesn't worry about the fragility since he has a handle on his strength already. regardless of if you are a warrior or not, he wants to create armor for you. he almost reminds you of a strict seamstress when he takes your measurements.

-> he doesn't really do anything with your feathers aside for using them for a fidget. When he's looking over blueprints or paperwork, he lets himself twist it between his fingers and runs his fingers through it. like he does with his pencils he subconsciously tucks the feather into his ear or into his hair.

-> he doesn't mind being wrapped up into your wings but prefers when you lay on his chest/against him with your wings spread out across the large bed. he likes to run his fingers against the thick bones and feathers as he finds it easier to fall asleep.

ʜᴇʀᴍᴇꜱ

-> wants to race you and is quite impressed if you can keep up but even if you can't, he appreciates the effort. he likes to be held by you and fly with you on his breaks, enjoying your company and the view at the same time. he also would help you take care of them, preening is a new favorite pass time of his.

-> hands and lips are all over the wings. running his hands through them any chance he possibly has as he relaxes. he steals your feathers, he has no use for them but he likes to have them on his long messenger trips to help him feel less home sick. the feather helps him keep his head on his shoulders when he's all stressed out.

-> wrap him in your wings like you'd roll a cat into a burrito. He likes them, and even if he suffocates, he wld be content it. Just like aphrodiate he'd use your wings as cover for when he's hiding away from his duties or people, forcing himself into your arms and having you hide him in your wings as discretely as possible.

[elianzis]

Which of your designs for the Greek Gods is your favorite? (EPIC: the Musical related or not)

Okay so, my designs for gods they not just for epic, but they for greek mythology itself SO Hermes' design is totally my favorite, i adore him

I also really like the designs for Apollo, Dionysus (i just wanna change some things, like hair color) and Ares

also Hera's design is really good one

[anniflamma]

I love your animatics! Who has been your favorite character to design/draw and are there any future songs you can't wait to hear?

My favorite design is Hera, who is also my first-ever Epic the Musical design! I especially like her unveiled form! Here's a little reupload of her! 💚

As for future songs... It's God Games! I'm just waiting for it to be released, but it will be a while though... But I can say that I'm really looking forward to Thunder Bringer! Just like Ruthlessness, I have this whole vision I want to put on paper.

[just-a-mer]

"I'm not here to yell at you about the prophecy, or talk about... everything that had happened. Those conversations will come in time, I'm sure. I simply wish to be with you." He hums, moving to sit beside the prophet, not quite touching them but still close enough that they could feel where he was, should they wish to initiate anything.

A beat of silence passes over the two. It hurts to see the prophet so distraught, even worse, that the king can do no action to help outright. Instead, his presence is offered. Something he hopes does not still hold the scent of blood and rage. "Just because I made it to my palace does not mean this home is forgotten. You are family to me, Tiresias. Just as much as Penelope and Telemachus. I'm not going to abandon you here."

ooc: I see the anons are still tormenting Tir - feel free to save this until after or place it in a separate time. Up to you! (Spoilers for the Ithaca saga, of course. When does a man become a monster? /silly)

Time in the underworld was imperceptible. Somehow, against that well-known fact, this break felt longer. Odysseus had been gone; his voice silent and his presence invisible. The only remaining piece of him was the seashell threaded charm that clicked on Tiresias' staff when shifted.

Then, he was back. The king stepped onto the island with sandal-clad feet, approaching the prophet with a small, weak smile. His cape is back, clipped over his shoulder with an old pin he had long forgotten. The depiction of the owl had been carved away, redesigned with scales.

"Hey there, star." He greets. Odysseus' voice is heavy with the weight of so much left unsaid. Tales of monsters and mistakes. Mortal and familiar. His heart is still fighting against his mind each night, and his eyes reflect the tiredness. Guilt clawing silently at scars.

[ the prophet, sat at the bottom of one of the cliff faces, barely moved. Even looking up, it didn’t feel like they even were looking. Everything about them seemed just as tired, but they seemed more broken than before, and their voice reeked of desperation to get out of their self-fed isolation ]

“What? Who—? Oh. Ody. Oh not now, please love, I can’t— not today, okay. You’re tired and I’m— . . . you don’t need to keep visiting, now. After everything. You made it back. Go enjoy your time, will you? Be with your family. For me.”

[ditoob]

I think that one of my favorite parts of studying the Iliad and the Trojan war is how incredible the world building is. The fact that you can research any of the characters and find their life prior to and (in some cases) after the Trojan War, their families and typically fathers which themselves form parts of different epics (Telamon, Peleus and Laertes all being Argonauts who sailed with Jason for the golden fleece) (Depending on the version Herakles, Orpheus, Theseus and Atalanta could’ve also been there with them), and just how much content there is about each figure in the war that you wouldn’t know just by reading the Iliad.

Why was Paris chosen by the gods to pick which goddess was the most beautiful? He proved to the gods on a previous ocassion in a bull competition he hosted which Ares won that he was a fair and honest judge (I guess he lost that fairness in judgement by the time the goddesses appeared before him)

How did Achilles become such an almost undefeatable warrior? He was the son of an Argonaut and a sea-nymph raised by Hera whom both Poseidon and Zeus wanted to bed, and was trained by mighty Chiron who taught heroes like Orpheus and Herakles.

Why are the walls of Troy “impenetrable”? They were built by Apollo and Poseidon disguised as humans due to a punishment from Zeus.

And this is all known with thousands of lines of the Trojan War’s story being lost to time. Imagine if we had more of the Nostoi or Cypria or Little Iliad, if we still had plays like “Myrmidons” or had a better historical understanding of Mycenaean Greece.

And still, with all this content, the Trojan War is just a section of the greater greek myths. The mythologized greek world existed far before Troy, and it continued to push forward far after.

[firinnie]

Book 21 of the Iliad is my favorite

Ares calls Athena "dog-fly" and challenges her to a battle… only to be lying on the ground a minute later. Athena pulls his hand and WITH HERA'S PERMISSION walks up to Aphrodite, punches her in the boob and literally gives the pair of lovers a parent talk. Hera smiles at this situation.

Athena defeated him with a thrown stone at btw. What a legend.

Hera literally calls Artemis "bold b*tch", grabs her hands and hits her with her own bow with a big smile, and then girl runs crying to her daddy to be comforted. These are interesting aspects of Zeus and his wife.

Anyway, Apollo learns from his sister's mistakes and does not agree to fight with Poseidon. Good move Apollo.

Hera calls Hephaestus "glorious son"! … and em "crook-footed child" too … BUT GLORIUS SON!

To Ares, in turn, affectionately calls "bane of men."

Apollo takes a mortal whom Achilles fought and transforms into him himself, and because of that one runs away and the other chases him across the entire battlefield like a cat and mouse. The god transforms into a mortal to organize 1 on 1 marathon. This is hilarious.

Apollo is called "Son of Zeus, lord of the silver bow-" wait, silver??? Not gold? Hut, this is interesting. For comparison, Ares has a "bronze spear" here.

Athena and Poseidon join forces to save Achilles' ass in human forms. I don't know, I really like their duo who for once don't want to kill each other. And I know it's her title but still, when Poseidon calls his niece "PALLAS Athena", I don't know, it makes me feel good.

"Athena's tasseled aegis, which even Zeus' thunderbolts could NOT pierce-" ... well, too bad that Epic was inspired by the Odyssey and not the Iliad lol.

[ebony-hawthorne]

Epic the wisdom saga has dethroned the ocean saga as my favorite saga.

Legendary is such a fire song, and just feels validating to listen to. Also it just feels really relatable. Also i just about started throwing hands when penelope was called a tramp

Little wolf is so fire, and going on several character playlists, its so good, very evocative

We'll be fine makes me sob, and cry. Also the harmonies are so good i fucking can't, and when athena says that hes g a good kid. I just like died and got reborn. Also has der evan hansen vibes

Love in paradise evokes all the emotions its supposed to which is so fucking impressive. Also calypso sounds so fucking good, i will die for it. So good, and i love seeing ody scared, and how it starts sounding safe and perfect and becomes threatening. And how much of a toll it has taken on odys mental health

God games is phenomenal, it shows how strategic athena is, hera is amazing and athena screaming at ares is fucking great. And i love that aphrodite is acknowledged as the god of love, and all kinds of love, not just romantic.

Also i love athena and thalemacuses (i can't spell) dynamic, and it just goes so deep, and it expresses her regret, and her trying to get a second chance, and just ugh, i could go on for hours upon hours about it.

Also it makes me feel very gender euphoric, which is a plus. And legendary has been playing on repeat in my brain, and may be going on my audition roster.

Thats all haha.

(Y'all might be getting lots of epic content, and seeing me working on my epic cosplay lol)

(I've been listening to epic all day)

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

The Wisdom Saga: My Thoughts

Hey all!!!! Here are my thoughts on the Wisdom Saga from EPIC: The Musical!

Overall it isn’t my favorite (Circe/Thunder my beloveds), but it’s still pretty good imho!

Legendary

Love how upbeat this one is. MICO as Telemachus is VERY good, and I especially liked the little trembles/voice cracks (?) as he sang! Gave Tem a “young” vibe.

also loved that “L-L-L-L-Legendary” lol

ITS THE ANIMATIC FROM THE REFERENCE VIDEO :D

The Suitors’ voices 👌 also ANTINUOUS JUMPSCARE. HOW DARE YOU CALL PENELOPE A TRAMP WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE TRYING TO GET INTO HER BED.

Antinuous’s lines are the perfect ick. The ToA Discord and I were all typing out various amounts of EW, ICKY, GET OUT at his parts.

Fight Little Wolf

This is possibly my favorite from this saga! I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while, and I was really excited for it! Athena coming in was brilliant and I love it :3

We’ll Be Fine

ATHENA CALLED ODYSSEUS FRIEND. OWIE.

Anybody else pick up on a similar melody to Open Arms? Because ow.

Love In Paradise

LOVED the flashbacks at the beginning!

The unhingedness Gigi gave Calypso LMAO Zero social interaction does that to you lol

“Last I checked goddesses can’t die!” Stream gets censored

I PANICKED AT THAT LMAO

all I hear are screams…the ptsd is real

“Stay in my open arms” and then IMMEDIATELY triggering an Open Arms reprise. HOW DARE YOU JAY.

NOT ONLY THAT. BUT ALSO EURYLOCUS REPRISING LUCK RUNS OUT AND ANTICLEA’S WAITING. OUCH.

God Games

This is in battle with Little Wolf for favorite Wisdom Saga song lol

THE INTRODUCTION TO THE GODS SLAPPED. WOLFY YOU WONDERFUL WOLF THAT WAS AWESOME.

APOLLO GIVING A LIL BOW AND CASUALLY WAVING TO (us) HIS ADORING FANS (also us)

don’t mind me fangirling he’s my favorite and he was GORGEOUS

Hephaestus being voiced by Jorge’s dad!!!!

I really liked how Luke Holt delivered Ares’s name. Very gritty and perfect I love <3

APOLLO’S LITTLE SMIRK WHEN HE SAYS “GREAT.” I’M DEAD I’VE DIED RIP ALDER

APOLLOOOOOOOOO

his part was sadly short, but honestly? It makes sense why it would be! Apollo really has no beef with Odysseus, and the Sirens are a little out of pocket, like he was assigned to play the game but is throwing Athena an easy thing to counter so he can get back to Orestes and also Athena owes him a solid so EPIC’s explanation for Athena helping Apollo in the Oresteia? 👀 I’m a nerd connecting the dots leave me be

“If that’s true then release him 🙄💅” Apollo has no time for this bullshit he’s like “come on dad why did you pull ME into this?” Lmaoooo

Hephaestus’s part about trust!! I love. Also the lyricism here and in Apollo’s is very very good <3

APHRODITE. Unlike Apollo and Hephaestus, who were rather quick to support Athena, she’s moments away from going “no ♥️💋”

ARES’S ENTRANCE WAS SPETACULAR NO NOTES I LOVE

DISCO HERA!! ANNIFLAMMA THAT WAS SO GOOD AHHHHHHH THE STYLE THE SWAG THE SASS 100/10

THUNDER BRINGER REPRISE AHHHHHH WITH BEAST MODE ZEUS

Also Athena ain’t dead lol she comes back in King isn’t it? Also she’s a GOD. Who CAN’T DIE.

I’ve seen criticism about Zeus attacking Athena, and about how he wouldn’t do that because she’s a favorite…but the thing is, in The Iliad, he does threaten to blast her and Hera off their chariots at one point…plus Apollo’s a favorite too, and he was nearly thrown into Tartarus by Zeus! Being the favorite doesn’t automatically mean you can get away with anything and everything, so I headcanon that Zeus got a bit more peeved than usual because of just how quickly Athena swayed the others (this can connect to the Odyssey then too, because the majority of the gods already agreed that Odysseus had suffered enough and were quite willing to let him go).

I have additional thoughts on God Games, but that’s for another post since it detracts from the actual livestream, but overall I really enjoyed this one! It’s the first livestream I’ve seen in full, though I do think Thunder Saga was more impactful to watch (I watched that livestream too, but came in at the end of No Longer You).

Two sagas to go!! I’ll be updating my tier list sometime soon as well, so stay tuned for that!!

[the-unknown-fandom]

(MY) EPIC Headcanons

I love Jorge work so much (Suffering/Puppeteer are my favorites). I also like to thank OSP for giving a brief summary of the Odyssey.

After Odysseus kills/murders the suitors he spends a month relaxing with his son and Penelope.

Odysseus tells Telemachus about his Uncle Polites/Uncle Eurylochus.

Odysseus tells Telemachus about his adventures.

Circe becomes an aunt to Telemachus and a mother figure to Odysseus (Because I said so). Even though Circe doesn't come to Ithaca she sends letters to them.

I'd d like to think Odysseus was a heavy sleeper but became a light sleeper during his adventures.

During the song 'Underworld' Polites was singing open arms, but was holding the baby from the song 'The Infant and the Horse'.

When Ody first met Penelope he LITERALLY tucked a hair behind his ear. Penelope found it cute. Telemachus gets that trait whenever he is flustered & reminds Pene of his father.

Hermes is the Grandfather to Ody. (When researching how Hermes is related to Ody it was tricky and I gave up).

Penelope is the man in the relationship (Change my mind).

Odysseus was scared as shit to go near water because of Poseiden. Took him a few years to heal from that.

Odysseus doesn't know this, but Athena thought Odysseus as a son, a companion, someone closes to her. Even after their falling out, Athena goes out of her way to protect Odysseus. Which is shocking even to the gods. Gods aren't really attacted to mortals.

During Thunder Bringer Zeus actually consider to spare Odysseus crew if Odysseus was to sleep with him (whether he wanted to or not), but Hera intervened. Hera is very protective of men who are very faithful to their partners (Ex: Ody). Plus she knows Odysseus will always stay faithful to Penelope and she loves that about him.

Helena of Troy (after being rescued) had nightmares, even with her husband she's still scared that Paris or any of the trojans coming to get her back to Paris. Menelaus really wanted to rip Paris part by part because of the pain he caused to his wife.

During his childhood, Telemachus would always sleep next to his mother, Telemachus always feared that one of the suitors would violate his mother when he wasn't there to protect her.

Hermes gave Odysseus magic weed- Athena almost beat the shit outta him for that.

(In the Odyssey) Hermes did NOT like Calypso after what she did to Odysseus. Ares had to restrain him from going after Calypso.

Odysseus learned some flirting tips from Circe that he tried to use on Penelope (It didn't work, but he did get a kiss!), Penelope tried the same and Odysseus was a flustered mess.

Athena checks up on Ithaca once n' a while, Odysseus knows this and always left a window opened for the Goddess to watch over his family and kingdom.

While Poseiden was attacking Odysseus for blinding his son, half of it was because he was claimed by Athena, but now because Odysseus wasn't claimed by Athena anymore, Poseiden could do more harm.

Odysseus is a short king (that we almost stan ✨️), he was at the height of his father when he was in his early teens. Odysseus was recored as the shortest king of Ithaca, his son being only 2 inches higher than him.

Odysseus comforted his sister about Eury's death. Eurylochus was married to Odysseus younger sister, Ctimene, making Eurylochus Odysseus brother in law (Odysseus actually helped Eurylochus marry his sister, because he knew Eurylochus was the right and prefect husband for his sister.

(Will update this soon)

[babyrdie]

Okay, I have something to confess… none of the deaths in The Iliad were sad for me. Aside from the amount of randoms dying, let's consider Patroclus and Hector here because I honestly don't remember the rest.

Patroclus: I genuinely couldn't be sad. Sure, I was sad about the characters' reactions to Patroclus' death (for example, Antilochus running and crying and Achilles' depressive episode), but not about his final battle itself. I'm sorry, guys, but it was funny to read him about to die being petty and saying to Hector something like "you idiot, you only killed me because Zeus and Apollo helped you. Face me alone and I'll kill you! I'll kill you multiple times! Anyway, Achilles is going to kick your ass hahahahahaha he's going to kick your ass SO MUCH". Like, dude, you're DYING. What's YOUR problem, you looked your KILLER in the face and said "actually ☝️ I can kill you". And okay, even if we think it's true that two gods helped Hector… MAN, WHAT KIND OF MIND DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE TO DECIDE THAT YOUR LAST WORDS ARE GOING TO BE ACCUSING YOUR KILLER OF BEING WEAKER THAN YOU. If I were Hector I would respond something like "man, fuck you, you're dying!!!"

Hector: I also couldn't be sad about the death itself. It was sad to see Priam begging, Andromache talking about being enslaved, etc. But the moment of the battle? Sorry, the battle was hilarious. In Book 16, Patroclus was there spitting blood and dying while still using his last breath to be like "I didn't lose, YOU will lose" to Hector (man that was petty) and Hector was like "Achilles? He's not going to kick my ass, I AM going to kick his ass". And then he goes and prepares to fight Achilles alone, despite his understandably worried parents, because he needs to defend the city and it's a touching moment and you understand Hector's decision, but you still feel like it's suicidal, but hey…he seems confident. And you think that this is where the typical epic fight will happen, especially since he responded to Patroclus' threat by insinuating that he would defeat Achilles. But no, he sees Achilles approaching with a murderous aura around him and decides that he's going to run. And he DOESN'T stop. They run around the walls of Troy while the Trojans watch…what is this, a stadium where you watch the action from above? And then you're like "man, how long are they going to run?" and apparently Athena thought so too because she goes and tricks Hector into stopping running. And then you think okay, now it's the epic fight. But no, they're throwing spears at each other and exchanging harsh words while Athena shows her favoritism by helping Achilles. And then Hector is dying and he's like "Paris and Apollo are gonna kill you!!!!" and Achilles is like "bitch, look at my face and tell me if I look like someone who wants to live."

And as an honorable mention, we have two other funny no-death-all-teasing moments!

One of them is Achilles running after Apollo. Bitch, I know you're mad, but that's a GOD. Hurting a god is already a rare feat, do you really think you're going to be able to kill him or something? You got your ass kicked by Scamandrius despiste your confidence (another hilarious scene, actually), man, Apollo isn't on your level. I KNOW YOU'RE MENTALLY UNSTABLE IN THIS SCENE, BUT MAN. Apollo actually taunting Achilles is also hilarious. He is a god that's thousands of years old and he's arguing with this guy who can't even be 30 years-old. This guy who, like, Apollo's stepmother (Hera) acts like he's just Thetis' baby (Hera defending Achilles be like: well, he was suckled on the divine breasts of Thetis! Thetis, a goddess! Goddess that I raised!!!). Like, man, I know you want to kill him, just kill him. No need to trade taunts like you're in the same position or something. My theory is that Apollo was in a bit of an Book 1 Achilles situation. Achilles wanted to kill Agamemnon, but Athena stopped him, so the only option left was to curse him. Apollo wants to kill Achilles, but fate exists and it's not Achilles' time to die. So okay, he'll do the second best thing: provoke him. Like, it is SO personal lol

The other moment is Aeneas. Apollo encouraging Aeneas to fight Achilles because his mother is Aphrodite and Achilles' mother is Thetis, and since Aphrodite is more powerful than Thetis, surely Aeneas is stronger than Achilles, right? Aeneas then goes on and gives Achilles a huge speech. He goes on and on about how his mother is Aphrodite, about how he won't be intimidated, about how he won't be just another one... then Achilles kicks his ass SO hard that Poseidon has to step in and take Aeneas away. And Achilles cares SO MUCH about Aeneas that he's like "oh, a god helped you. Okay then" and goes back to fighting. And let's face it, if Achilles had any interest in Aeneas, he wouldn't care that the gods want Aeneas alive. He literally commits sacrilege with Hector's and tries to go after Apollo, he just didn't go after Aeneas because he apparently doesn't care enough about him. Man, Aeneas, that was humiliating. All that confident speech for that.

I'm seeing a pattern here, actually:

Patroclus "I could kill you!!!" to Hector while being killed by Hector. Okay, man…but dead people don't fight! At least you can brag that you beat Sarpedon if you care so much about proving your skills even while you're dying, I guess.

Hector "hahaha I'll kick Achilles' ass, that threat doesn't affect me!" to Patroclus and then running after seeing Achilles. Running for his entire life if it weren't for Athena. Is this the swift-footed Hector we see running for the third time?????

Achilles "I'm the best of the Greeks! I'm the peak! I'm THE MAN" to Scamandrius and then having to desperately be saved. Dude was defeated by SCAMANDRIUS and thought he could chase APOLLO. GUY IS THE SON OF A NEREID AND ALMOST DIED IN THE WATER.

Aeneas "my mother is Aphrodite, your mother is Thetis. I'm the chad, you're the virgin. That's how we are, you understand?" and then having to desperately be saved. It's even funnier when you think about how he was like "well, his mom is Thetis and she is a Nereid, not a Olympian…" BITCH DIOMEDES ISN'T EVEN A DEMIGOD AND YOU WOULD DIE IF IT WEREN'T FOR APHRODITE. HOW THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOUR MOTHER BEING APHRODITE WOULD MAKE YOU STRONGER THAN ACHILLES IF YOU WERE NOT STRONGER THAN A GUY WHO IS NOT EVEN A DEMIGOD.

But well, Hector, Patroclus and Achilles are all characters I adore. Aeneas I don't have a strong opinion of, truth be told (no, I haven't read The Aeneid). And yes, this post is completely immature. I've made many posts giving serious opinions, let me be honest about how I felt in these scenes even if they weren't written to be funny.