#ep. the long goodbye

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Long Goodbye, Pt. 12

Things start heating up as Phoebus contacts Caldwell and begins making threats, acutely aware that she is running out of time. It is quite possible that she is making use of Weir's expertise as a diplomat and negotiator here, knowing how to drive a hard bargain. Although Weir had warned Caldwell -- more than once -- that he does not want her as an enemy, it is not his first rodeo either. Caldwell is standing behind McKay as he is working on overriding her lockdown command, and although we have often seen Sheppard hover around McKay as he works, Sheppard tends to want to stand in front of his face so that he can see McKay. Caldwell also has his pelvis very obviously turned away from McKay in a way that Sheppard's seldom is. In fact, we have never seen Sheppard position himself like this around McKay, Caldwell very obviously leaning away.

Phoebus: Caldwell. Can you hear me? Caldwell: Go ahead. Phoebus: By now you're aware the city is entirely under my control, and there are several bulkhead doors between me and your nearest search teams. You can't possibly get to me. Caldwell: Yes, we're well aware. Phoebus: I'm sure Doctor McKay believes he can override my command code -- and it's possible in a matter of several hours he could, but I don't have that kind of time. Caldwell: We'd be more than happy to wait this out.

I invite you to take notice of the fact that although McKay is hard at work, knowing that lives may depend on him completing this task, when Phoebus speaks his name, he stops typing and looks up, paying attention. He seems almost frozen in place when his attention is focused by someone mentioning him by name, and Phoebus is not even talking to him, he is talking about him. It is natural for people to perk up when they hear their own name being spoken.

This is interesting because we see McKay do this same thing several times when they have Thalen on camera, and we have to ask the question of whether he is able to hear his name being spoken (or thought of) then too. Here, Phoebus' tone is derisive, and although we do not know where she is basing her assessment of it taking several hours for McKay to crack the system, the information must come from Weir. The timeframe that she gives here does not seem to be arbitrary, and they are clearly dealing with a complicated system, so we also have to raise the question of how exactly McKay is then able to get in so quickly.

Phoebus: Now who knows what kind of trouble I could cause with life support while I wait? Or maybe I'll just send a signal to the wraith, like you did. Caldwell: What do you want? Phoebus: I want Sheppard. Caldwell: Well, I'm sorry I can't help you with that. Is there something else I can do for you? Phoebus: Don't screw with me, Caldwell. At the very least, I can kill Weir. When you get him, contact me.

Weir and Caldwell have had several heart-to-heart conversations and it is entirely possible Caldwell has a soft spot for her. Weir also seems to have a good understanding of the kind of man Caldwell is, able to use the guilt he still feels regarding recent events against him. In fact, at the start of the episode Caldwell had told her that his purpose here was to make amends, so we are shown that they both know each other fairly well. There is emotion involved. Note that Caldwell relents when Phoebus tells him that she is holding Weir hostage.

There might also be some meta commentary here about people wanting to see a relationship or at least some of that unresolved tension between Weir and Sheppard, as would have been traditional on network television, and the writers are telling these people "I'm sorry, I can't help you with that" because that is not what this is about, that is not the story they are telling.

Chuck: Colonel Caldwell. We have three signals on two separate floors at the base of the tower. Caldwell: Weir has to be the one in the Science Lab, which leaves these other two over here. Chuck: The other one is Teyla. Caldwell: Then the other one has to be Sheppard. Teyla, this is Caldwell. Teyla: I was unable to capture Doctor Weir. Caldwell: So were a lot of people. Weir's put the city under a lockdown. I want you to go after Sheppard. You and he have been locked in the same section. He's one floor up. Teyla: I will contact you as soon as I have him. Teyla out.

So, the thing to note here is that the Canadian technician is able to locate Sheppard using the biometric sensors that are only even functional because McKay had been able to switch the power back on, and this biometric sensor is very much something that McKay had worked together on with Peter Grodin and its current manifestation is almost entirely his handiwork. Also in contrast to McKay earlier, who seemed to use more intuition in locating Sheppard, Chuck has now landed on his position using deductive reasoning. Also relevant for later is this: Teyla tells Caldwell that he was unable to capture Weir and Caldwell lumps her together with "a lot of people" who had been unable to do the same.

But now that they send her to go after Sheppard, we have to acknowledge the fact that the only reason she is able to find him is because they give her an assist here. They tell her where Sheppard is. And because the information comes to her through the double filter of from Chuck to Caldwell and from Caldwell to Teyla, and that you would have to remember McKay working on the biometric sensor so long ago to begin with, very much obscures the fact that Teyla is only able to capture Sheppard because of McKay. Had it not been for him, she would have continued rubbing her neck alone at the base of the tower without ever figuring out that Sheppard was one level up from her. Teyla is literally instructed on what to do by Caldwell. It is not because she has any special insight into how Sheppard thinks that she is able to accomplish this.

Thalen: Is this what you wanted, Phoebus? Another stalemate? I thought you wanted to finish this. Phoebus: What's wrong, Thalen? You can't get out?

From what we can see on the biometric sensor, Thalen had been able to get pretty close to Phoebus, only separated from her by a few bulk head doors. If Phoebus is feeling like she is running out of time, we can tell that Thalen is definitely running out of time because Sheppard sounds to be out of breath as he seethes with anger here, and it is not caused by his sprint or any other physical exertion. Thalen had been in worse condition than Phoebus when they got him out of the pod, and it seems that is why his imprinting is also shorter in duration than that of Phoebus. This seems to be creating a sense of urgency in him, and so he even tries to talk Phoebus in engaging with him, tries goading her to come at him. Phoebus does not take the bait and even goads him herself, her "You can't get out?" spoken in a tone that suggests she is taking a jab at his manhood. She is speaking the words like she was actually saying "What's wrong, you can't get it up?"

If we again convert what the two of them are saying. McKay definitely does not want the two of them to end up in a stalemate that never gets resolved, and he does not want to finish or end anything between them, he wants them to work things out. Phoebus's taunting about Thalen being unable to get out is also the polar opposite of Sheppard going out of his way to get McKay out of the bind he was in on the bottom of the sea. There might also be a reference to outing and coming out of hiding in here. Note also that again Sheppard and McKay are basically doing the same thing at the same time: they are both trying to get in. McKay is trying to force his way into the computer system that she has locked him out of and Sheppard, although not voluntarily, is trying to get in physically to where she has locked him out. The need to get in is something that both of them are experiencing at the same time.

Teyla: This is Teyla. I have Colonel Sheppard. Caldwell: Good work. Secure him and stand by for further instructions. The next move is hers.

Figuring that there is more than one way to skin a cow, Thalen decides to use Ronon's blaster to break the door locking mechanism to force himself out, and for some unfathomable reason he decides to do this not to the door that he was originally trying to open, which has the same mechanism, but to another door that would have led him away from Phoebus. It is a curious decision and he seemed to get the idea just as she was mocking him about not being able to get out. What gave him the inspiration or even the know-how we do not know but McKay is surely trying more than one way of getting into the system currently. Regardless, Thalen tries to pry his way through the door and we may note that he pushes his injured, probably smarting arm through first and hence is not looking, not expecting to find anyone on the other side. It is possible that if his hand had not been injured, he would not have tried to get through the door in such an awkward a fashion, might have been able to see what was waiting for him on the other side. For some reason, they at the very least want to show him coming out with the injured arm first, reminding us of McKay.

Thalen is surprised to see Teyla waiting for him, so he certainly did not expect to be captured by her. She is not the "only one of them" that worries him, and in fact he had been so not worried about her as to underestimate her completely, leaving her laying unconscious on the floor with no attempt whatsoever to secure her. Thalen was not concerned about Teyla, and hence we see a comical look of astonishment as she is able to take him out using the wraith stunner. And to belabour the point, Teyla would never have got to him during the lockdown had it not been for McKay. No special skill or insight into Sheppard went into this capture. Any one of Caldwell's space marines might have been able to do the same thing, she just happened to be there. Sheppard and Teyla do have a special bond, they do have a close relationship, but this is not evidence of that.

Teyla calls in her capture of Sheppard to Caldwell, and we may note again that McKay has stopped typing, and whether he is merely listening in when Sheppard is the topic of discussion or he had experienced some kind of a black out when Sheppard along with Thalen had suddenly been rendered unconscious we again do not know. However, Caldwell calls attention to McKay suddenly being rendered immobile by speaking the words "Next move is hers" while looking down at him at the same time. McKay knows he is under a time element and has to crack this thing, and yet during this whole time his work keeps coming to a halt, and the reason seems to be Sheppard every single time.

Phoebus: Caldwell? Do you have him or not? I'm losing patience. McKay: I'm working. Caldwell: We're working on it. Phoebus: I don't buy it, Colonel. Caldwell: I'm telling the truth. Phoebus: Oh, please! Even Weir thinks you're hopeless. She can't hide it. Caldwell: We're close. McKay: We're not close.

Phoebus calls in to hurry Caldwell on and this puts even further pressure on McKay. He tells Caldwell that he is working on it, and this is the third time in this episode that he says it ("Yes, working!" "Still working"). We can compare this with the previous episode during which McKay also said he was working to Sheppard while trying to come up with something that they might be able to use to save Ronon and Teyla in a pinch. They had the following exchange:

Sheppard: There's gotta be something you can do. McKay: Yeah, I'm working on it! Sheppard: Well, work faster!

What is notable about this is that Sheppard himself had been uncharacteristically demanding of McKay, needing him to produce results, needing him to come up with something and to do it even faster. As discussed in connection with the episode, this had a lot to do with Sheppard's fear as triggered by almost having come to lose McKay so very recently.

Although Sheppard does not usually treat McKay like this, what is notable here is the difference in how McKay responds. His tone is completely different when he was talking to Sheppard as opposed to how he says it to Caldwell. With Caldwell, he sounds annoyed and defensive, clearly resenting the pressure put on him. With Sheppard, he is only trying to communicate that he is attempting to do the thing Sheppard needs him to do, he is trying to deliver because doing things that Sheppard wants him to do is what gives his life meaning. There is not even a hint of annoyance or resentment in how he said it to Sheppard, the same words. And it is not even Caldwell that he resents here, it is the pressure put on his shoulders, the demand that he should be the one to fix everything again. This is precisely how Sheppard does not want him to feel like usually, which is why we so often see Sheppard try to come up with ideas and solutions for McKay to use, to show him that they are working together.

Note that although Caldwell says to Phoebus that he is telling the truth he is, in fact, lying. Not everything that people say is the truth, and we are reminded of this at the end of the episode when Weir tells Caldwell "Don't believe anything she said!" as though everything she had said had been a lie. However, what she tells Caldwell here may have more than the seed of truth in it, even if she is saying it in a way that is much meaner than Weir could ever be. Where Caldwell is lying, it is possible Phoebus is telling the truth and Weir does think he is hopeless, and at the very least this is something that Caldwell fears is the truth. Phoebus manages to use this to get under his skin. They also make reference to closeness, and we may recall that we started the episode with a "proximity alert" between Sheppard and McKay. McKay may say that they are not close -- and he is of course referring to his hacking of the system, he does not think he is anywhere near getting in yet and this is important for later -- but there are none that are closer in the whole host of people in this episode than Sheppard and McKay. Demonstrating that is the whole point of this exercise.

Phoebus: I have found an interesting way of rerouting your new halon fire suppression system all the way from Hazmat storage to personnel quarters. Now, that's where the majority of your city's population is holed up, isn't it? Caldwell: You know it is. Phoebus: Ironically, Doctor Weir was concerned when the system was installed that halon gas extinguishes people as well as fires. So, shall we take it to the point that I start counting down from an arbitrary number? Caldwell: We have him. Phoebus: I thought you might. There's a new security camera on the northern-most stairwell of that part of the tower. I want him taken there so that I can see him -- kicking and screaming, if possible.

Phoebus starts playing hardball, threatening to kill civilians, the majority of the population of the city if they do not give up Thalen, and Sheppard with him. Caldwell certainly seems to realize that she has them by the short and curlies. And even though it is the policy of the United States not to negotiate with terrorists, and he should not be doing it now that he is ranking officer in the city and has taken responsibility for the operation, Caldwell is not a bad man and seems unable to take that many lives onto his conscience. Phoebus has his back against the wall.

But take a look at McKay. He has completely stopped working, he is listening in with his whole entire attention. There is such fear on his face that we have seldom seen. We see him blink similar to when Sheppard has blinked, being at the end of his actual rope; like he blinked when he thought that McKay had died on the Ancient satellite platform. McKay is well aware that they are talking about Sheppard. He knows that they have caught Thalen and that Phoebus is demanding that he is handed over, and he knows that it is Sheppard they are talking about delivering to her. He knows Caldwell is talking about exchanging Sheppard's life to the lives of "the majority of the city's population".

McKay is afraid to do anything out of fear that what ever he might do or say might make the situation worse than it is, and it is plenty awful. We get these close-up shots of his face, of his anguish here for a reason. Because McKay dissociates, his reactions are so subtle that you might even be able to miss how deeply this is affecting him. Not even on the bottom of the ocean was he this afraid. You can see his mouth tremble, and we have seen him blink away tears that have welled up in his eyes before which is what he may be doing here, blinking so rapidly as to keep the military commander looking right at him from seeing him try his damnedest not to react while they are talking about giving over the man that he loves. He is wound so tight that his whole body seems to minutely shake with it.

Bringing it back to Conversion (S02E08), the way McKay looks here is very similar to what he looked like when Weir came in to tell them that it is time for them to say their final goodbyes to Sheppard. There was nothing more they could do and although he would not necessarily die, he would cease to exist, there would be nothing left of the Sheppard that they knew after the retrovirus had rewritten his entire genetic code. Weir had come to tell them that it was time to visit the man to say their final goodbyes whose bedside he was not allowed to stay at -- the bedside that everyone would have seen as his rightful place had they been married and he a woman. McKay is broken but because he is so loud when he is looking for sympathy and attention with scratches and scrapes, people fail to recognize that when he is truly hurt, he falls quiet and goes still. Not recognizing what his childhood trauma has done to him, these moments are easy to miss. They are subtle. He is sitting there in the commissary, wearing the shirt of the man he is asked to give up, and when you don't recognize his trauma responses, it might be easy to interpret this as the appropriate level of sad for losing a friend.

But we see the same subtle, understated response with him here. This is a man who knows that he is not allowed to show his feelings in front of the military, cannot let his breaking heart show even if the love of his life was dying because they would be able to strip him of his rank even posthumously, he would have to worry about destroying the man's legacy on top of everything else. We see two close-ups of McKay's face during this particular exchange because he is the one affected by this decision, he is the one whose consent they would require if the world was just. And he is not able to say anything. He is not allowed to say anything. No one is asking whether he consents to this or not.

McKay should be hard at work to fix this. He should be concentrating on cracking the system. But he cannot focus on anything other than Sheppard here. He looks devastated. His eyes are pleading for Caldwell to tell him that it isn't true, that there is something they can do. And even though Caldwell himself probably does not remember, one of the first things he had ever seen John Sheppard do was to look at him with the same eyes, begging him to tell him it was all a mistake, that everything was fine, was going to be alright.

If Sheppard and McKay think that Caldwell does not know, they are very much mistaken. You cannot watch these men and not know. But there is nothing that he can say to McKay now to make it better, any more than he had words to say to Sheppard then. His hands are just as bound as theirs are.

Continued in Pt. 13

[yellowjacketsource]

Jackie & Shauna (Yellowjackets, S01E10) "End of Beginning" by Djo

[crazyness-overpowers]

“now we’re even tell sophie to drive carefully” is a moment of all fucking time

[starringvincentprice]

If I watch one more "video essay" that just recaps something and provides surface level observations I'm g

[ya-boi-johnnie-redmayne]

ok y’all need to listen to when will I see you again by lord huron on high volume. absolute religious experience

[iamfuckingsorry]

You know, this was your crusade. Now it's our war.

[bikananjarrus]

i’m going to be really sad when i finish my rebels rewatch. But also i am so very excited to rewatch andor afterwards

[canimisia]

crawling out of my hole to say holy shit the s1 finale of s.pn was so... :(

[piknim]

The end to disenchantment was kinda unsatisfying but also good???

[thegeminisage]

ohhhh it's tng update time. i have a lot to catch up on. wednesday we did "ensign ro" and "silicon avatar" and last night we did "disaster" and "the game."

a brief interruption to amend an error on my previous tng liveblog concerning the episode "redemption." i did NOT mention the part where data got his own command and the first officer was racist to him about it. my brain was so numbed by klingon happenings - and again, they're fine episodes, it was MYYY fault for watching both of those episodes at once AND the second one with a bad connection (we had to reconnect like 1000000 times), but due to this i did straight up forget about data's role here. my thoughts are: this could and should have been the a plot of an entire episode, not the b plot of worf's episode. this late in the game, you kind of run the risk of data's big episodes becoming too same-y - that usually what happens is that someone is misguided or prejudiced in their beliefs about him and are in the end proven wrong - but i think the first command is different enough to be distinct. data building genuine trust with his actions and not his words would have been really fun!! especially if he models his captaining like he does his art - by picking bits and pieces of his real-life examples, like riker & picard. it's a shame they wasted this on a b-plot :(

ANYWAY.

ensign ro: i have to admit i wasnt sure about my girl ro at first. i absolutely support her cause and her beliefs but there was one part where. and i dont remember specifics because this was on wednesday. they like asked her to do something and she didn't and i support her but GIRL if you fuck around and dont do your job they will send you back to space jail. so i was worried that she was stupid in like the literal sense

fortunately she fucking RULES. i liked the part where bev and deanna were like can we sit down :D and she was like no <3 and they had to leave. but i also liked guinan getting through to her and becoming her friend too. i think ro should kiss some women about it (more on this later)

i was kind of bummed riker wasnt the one to let her put her earring back on since he was the dick who made her take it off, but at least she did get to put it back on. i was soooo mad when he made her remove it

LOVE to find out more about the cardassians. i'm excited for that freaky guy and the dr he wants to fuck in ds9, this feels like a real prelude moment

also, love the barber in this episode. in a world where they no longer have to even cook food, haircutting is miraculously still done by hand

silicon avatar: i had a lot of mixed feelings about/issues with this one initially but the ending ultimately took it into watchable territory on account of it popping the fuck off

biggest issue is that they basically retconned the hell out of the first episode this crystal monster was in (the iconic datalore aka "ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE KIND OF DEATH YOU'VE EARNED LITTLE MAN")

in that ep lore was DEFINITELY able to communicate with it without all the drama and he also communicated enough with it to be like "hey, if you don't eat me, i can show you where lots of edible people are" which solves the question of it's intelligent and whether or not it understands it's eating people. the fact that were uwu woobifying this giant people eating death machine is hilarious but also it stretches my suspension of disbelief way too far. like, get outta here.

second biggest issue was the emotional whiplash from this old lady. first she's racist to data and then she wants to butter him up for therapy reasons and finally she's delusional enough to believe her dead son is in there. i actually did like her arc and the idea that she did something monstrous, but it felt like we had too many things crammed in there...again, i love data and i love when data gets big episodes and moments but i wish we could pump the brakes a little with EVERYONE who meets him being anti android or whatever. even the episode where he gets a gf was a welcome change despite it not being very good because it wasn't just more people having doubts because data is an android. and if I'M tired of it, imagine how HE feels. geez. there was no point in having her start from a place of hostility when it didn't go anywhere and actually i probably would have been more tricked into believing she was normal if she HADN'T come at data like that

THAT SAID, the core story of "i will murder this sentient life form because it killed my son even knowing he would hate me for it" is actually metal as fuck. i really liked it. and i think it was sneaky and clever to have her basically ask to use data as a tape recorder before she fully fell off the deep end because who wouldn't want to hear a recording of a deceased loved one? but it's when she asks again, and basically asks data to roleplay him, that you realize her grief is making her bonkers - or that being around data is bringing too much stuff up.

anyway issues aside the end really fucked. she was like data absolve me of the murder i just committed in my dead son's name and he was like sorry queen i can't! and then they just rolled credits. bonkers.

also, can we pour one out for riker? he got uh. i mean he had all of that going on with beverly like just a handful of episodes ago and i was SOOO hoping he was gonna get laid but instead he got. trauma :(

disaster: i LOVED this one. i loved that it paired characters we don't normally see together - like geordi and beverly for instance - and i loved that quite literally everyone got to get up to batshit insane shenanigans at the same time. picard has to learn to interact with the world's most adorable children. deanna is captain of the starship and she should kiss ro about it. geordi and beverly are gonna open the cargo bay to space some radioactive barrels and while they're holding onto a metal ladder with their BARE HANDS. riker is carrying DATA'S DETACHED HEAD around the crawlspaces and meanwhile in ten forward worf is delivering a fucking baby

side bar which uh exit do we think klingon babies come out of. like if they've got two of everything does the baby just pick one or do they have two whole wombs too...do you think klingons are like "oh most of us come out of the right side but watch out for that guy he's fucked in the head i think he came out of his mom's left vagina" i think that'd be hilarious

anyway worf did a great job.

also pleased with the kids this ep...normally star trek kids aren't uh. great. like they're annoying or weird or just not great actors because, you know, kids. but all 3 of those kids had distinct personalities and they were all extremely charming. absolutely masterful casting. they were so fucking cute

idk why but when deanna became enterprise captain she immediately looked 10x hotter and gayer. her disagreements with ro were FRAUGHT with sexual tension. THEY SHOULD KISS.

that said my one true pairing for tng is always gonna be riker e worf e deanna. hands down best moment for these three so far was when riker was like you just cant stay away from the big chair can you ;) and she was like oh im not cut out to be a captain but maybe i could be first officer since i HEAR there aren't many qualifications and worf gives riker this incredulous double-take like "are you gonna let her get away with that" and he's grinning like oh yeah he's Gonna. there truly is such a horrific lack of sexual/romantic energy in this show but whenever deanna and riker start flirting we finally get fed

the game: MY BABY BOY WESLEY IS BACK..........he got tall i MISSED HIM

i loved the opening of this episode. riker seems to have a 50/50 chance these days on whether or not any given encounter with a woman is gonna be an ethical slut moment or a close encounters moment and i am now referring to this phenomenon as riker roulette. is he getting ethically seduced and/or ethically seducing others? or is it....................you know. anyway rip to him for metaphorically bringing an std back to the enterprise from risa

what was this whole thing with deanna eating chocolate also. is all of season 5 gonna be like this? to be clear i'm not complaining. we have a fucking dearth of, sorry, flirty fun and fresh shippy moments for anyone in tng, generally speaking. it's about time they picked up.

my one gripe with this episode is that it is REALLY AWKWARD to have them set this up as "this VR headset is giving people orgasms" and then twice have wesley's mom try and force one on him. like they didn't say orgasms but the subtitles kept going "pleasured gasp" so idk what i was supposed to think those headsets were doing. like i get this was probably unintentional on their part but i still hated it

also it sucks that wesley got to have a little tea break with picard but didn't have time to hang out with his mom...she was barely in his departure episode, too. the writers clearly prioritize his relationship with picard BECAUSE WESLEY IS THEIR AFFAIR BABY! i will die on this hill. those guys fucked and had a baby and got embarrassed abuot it and now wesley doesn't know he's going to inherit male pattern baldness

okay. that concludes this tng update. normally this is the part where i say, "next, we are doing..." and then i list the episodes. i want to take an extra moment to bring added attention to it this time because this time we are doing two VERY. SPECIAL. EPISODES.

NEXT: UNIFICATION PART I AND PART II

NEXT: SPOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Long Goodbye, Pt. 3

Beckett had called their attention to the fact that Weir seemed to be waking up, and they all gather by her bed to watch her come around. Only, it is not Weir that they encounter as she sits up on the bed. It seems as though we will not see Weir again until the very end of the episode and it is the alien consciousness making use of Weir's memories that is now looking around, trying to make sense of the world as seen through the eyes of another. The woman that looks up at them is a seasoned warrior actively engaged in war, and it could be for this reason that Sheppard is the first one of them to engage her -- and not necessarily because he is the one who most cares about Weir. In fact, Sheppard had originally stopped in his tracks further away from the bed where McKay had stepped much closer to her, and it is possible something about her is tingling Sheppard's "Spidey-sense" now.

Sheppard: You OK? Phoebus: Doctor Weir is fine. Sheppard: Doctor Weir doesn't talk about herself in the third person. Phoebus: She was simply overcome by the effects of the imprinting. Caldwell: Security team to the Infirmary.

Sheppard asks Weir if she is alright, and her answer tells them that they are not communicating with her. We may note that Sheppard takes a step back at this, and not just to get space between himself and Weir but he is actually taking a step around the bed toward McKay. Sheppard is moving to the side in preparation of putting himself between McKay and what ever they are dealing with that has taken possession of Weir's body, and this is important.

Sheppard does not know what is going on, only that something is wrong, and his first instinct is to take a step closer to McKay but because the camera only catches him and requires us to remember where McKay is standing, this gesture is once again purposefully obscured. And yet it happens. They are all alarmed by Weir talking not as herself but as another, her deeper voice alone telling them that they are dealing with someone else, and it is Caldwell that calls for security instead of Sheppard, commander of the Atlantis expedition. It is interesting to contrast their reactions here because Caldwell's immediate concern is for everyone's safety, Sheppard's immediate concern is for the man standing to his right.

Phoebus: That's not necessary, Colonel... Caldwell. She is merely harbouring my consciousness. McKay: Oh, here we go again! Sheppard: And you are...? Phoebus: I am Phoebus. We are a race of explorers. On our journey home our vessel was attacked. Caldwell: By the wraith? Phoebus: Yes.

Referring to Weir and Caldwell by name, it is made clear that who ever this is, she is able to access Weir's memories, although it seems to be taking her some effort to actually dig through them, at least initially. She is talking in a deep, slow cadence that may or may not betray her age (although both of their bodies are dying of old age, we never discover how long they had been in stasis or how old they had been when they had gone under -- but certainly it seems as though they had been waging their war for a long time before going under stasis; regardless, her voice is deeper and rougher than that of Weir), and it at least seems as though she is willing to share information about herself to begin with. From her point of view, she is in a vulnerable position being surrounded by four men, two of whom are warriors and all that are weapons trained, so she is understandably cautious.

While he had already been feeling mighty anxious about Weir, McKay sounds anguished when he interjects with "Here we go again," and it is not clear whether he is referring to the more recent possession of Caldwell by a Goa'uld or to his own possession by the consciousness of Lt. Laura Cadman which, albeit happening a while ago, had been more personal to him. It is also entirely possible the recent experiences with Caldwell, as surrounded by many dramatic twists and turns that he had been personally involved with, had refreshed the memories of his own possession in his mind, and even though he seemed to make peace with Cadman as they had been forced to work together, McKay's tone lets us know that he is still feeling some kind of way about all that. He is still affected by his experiences of having had another consciousness in his brain taking over his body, even though the consciousness in his brain had not only been human but someone he had known and been on friendly terms with -- relatively speaking. Regardless, this seems like an experience McKay is not keen to revisit and does not wish anyone else to have to experience either.

We may also note that although Sheppard initially seems unsure of what to do beyond taking that step closer to McKay, just as soon as he hears the honest anguish in McKay's tone, he starts interrogating what ever consciousness Weir is currently harbouring. We can see that Sheppard wants to look at McKay just as soon as she gives McKay a meaningful look and speaks the word "imprinting" while looking at him because that seems to sound worrisome to him, but he does not actually remove his eyes from Weir because she is the one who presents the threat. He is keeping his eyes fixed on the thing that is posing a danger. But we can tell that he is really wanting to look at McKay, is wanting to exchange thoughts with him, communicate with him, by the way his face keeps turning toward McKay even when he is keeping his eyes fixed on the possessed. Caldwell soon joins in on the interrogation but instead of probing her for information, he actually gives her an opening to lie, which she immediately takes. We learn precious little about her people and whether she and the man in the other pod are even from the same culture, and whether or not they had ever encountered the wraith or had simply wound up destroying each other is left unclear.

Telling these people that they had been attacked by the wraith seems like an easy ploy to gain their sympathy, so she takes it and runs with it. Similarly her description of her people as "a race of explorers" may or may not be true, as the Earthlings have also described themselves as explorers in Pegasus, and in fact "We are peaceful explorers" had been one of the first things they had told the natives back in Rising (S0102). A race of peaceful explorers is certainly something that Weir hopes them to be even if they have been forced to commit the odd war crime here and there, far outside the purview of the Genova Convention as they are. Explorers, on their way home, attacked by the wraith may be the truth but it is also a combination of things that will elicit the sympathy of every person standing around her, but possibly especially Sheppard -- and McKay. By now, she must know that she is going to need the help of McKay if she is to get them to open the other pod, and looking at McKay's expression, it seems to be working.

Phoebus: We were forced to abandon ship and launch our life pods. If this has happened to me, then I've been adrift for some time and the pod has determined my body is beyond resuscitation. Beckett: You're quite correct. Phoebus: Then for all intents and purposes I am already dead. Beckett: I'm sorry. Phoebus: So am I.

The tragic fact of the matter is that they are talking to the ghost of a dead woman and she knows this to be true herself. She has already expired and is now communicating with them from beyond the grave. As a doctor, Beckett is attempting to navigate the situation with empathy even though he has never had to deliver news quite like this before. We see Caldwell look at Sheppard, seeming to need to exchange a glance with him probably related to the wraith and how much of a security threat this presents to them. Sheppard quickly glances back but his focus is on the alien, he is interested in the immediate problem and not what might be coming at them down the line. McKay seems to be hanging on to her every word, for some reason especially affected by her story and, as mentioned, because she needs him, it is possible that she is trying to elicit his sympathy in particular.

As she mentions the life pods McKay looks at Sheppard, seeming to hold his gaze for a long time even though we never get to see Sheppard looking back at him. It is possible that he is remembering the Ancient warship Aurora where the crew had been forced into their life pods while they had been fleeing from the wraith, even if the life pods had never been launched out of the ship. They had likewise been adrift for 10,000 years, their bodies too old and frail to resuscitate, the experience of encountering these people in a state of living death something that had been shared by the two of them -- but which he knows had been especially harrowing for Sheppard who had formed some kind of a connection with the Captain. Sheppard was the one who had been forced to tell him the news that he was basically dead, as Beckett is now forced to tell her. And it may be for this very reason, because Sheppard is so overcome with emotion remembering the events on the ship that he does not know how to deal with, that he seems to come across as extra-brusque toward her now. He makes it sound as though he does not even care that she has died and is having to mourn her own death right in front of them, even though he is obviously as affected by this as the others, if not more.

Sheppard: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're all very sorry. Where's Elizabeth? Phoebus: She is here also. Caldwell: And I suppose you'd like us to take your word for that? Phoebus: Would you like to speak with her? Sheppard: Yes, we would. Caldwell: Doctor Weir?

Sheppard "yada-yada-yadas" over her whole existential crisis in a manner that is really rather rude and is borne most of all out of his inability to express his feelings. Many people again interpret this as coming from his special regard for Weir; he is so anxious to speak with her that he has no time to hear some dead woman's sad tale about her own mortality. But it is more likely that he is so affected by it, by the heaviness of her story and everything else that it reminds him of, that instead of dwelling on these feelings he feels the need to repress them immediately and hence comes across as callous. He would rather be dealing with their immediate problem than wallow in his feelings and hence mows right over the sentiments of the recently deceased. "Carter" had told McKay that he never listens and is bad with people, and here we see that Sheppard is exactly the same. It is not that he does not care, it is that he does not know how to express, what do you call them, feelings. They all find this very sad, they are all worried for Weir, and Sheppard even says as much. He says that they are all very sorry, and he means it, it is just that his tone again comes across as sarcastic because he needs that distance that the sarcasm allows him to keep to actually expressing genuine emotion.

But it is ironic that people interpret this as Sheppard having special feelings toward Weir when the point of this whole scene is to show that while they all care about her, not one of them really knows her. Not one among them knows her well enough to be able to tell the difference between her and someone who is using her memories and knowledge of them to perform her to them. The entire resolution of the episode is about how even Teyla, who does know Sheppard very well, is not able to quite tell whether it is him or the alien pretending to be him. Phoebus and Thalen are able to fool everyone -- everyone -- that they pretend that they are Weir and Sheppard to, which is precisely why we do not get a scene between Thalen and McKay in this episode. We do not get a scene in which Thalen has to convince McKay that he is Sheppard. I want to emphasize this here, just as we are about to get our first scene in which Phoebus convinces every one of them that she is really Weir. What they get here is not Weir, it is Phoebus pretending to be Weir. Her performance of Weir is just that little bit off that we can tell it is not her, but none of the men currently in her life can tell. And it seems as though Caldwell is the only one of them to even have suspicions.

Phoebus: Oh! Oh, it's OK, Carson. I'm, I'm fine. Sheppard: Elizabeth? I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but there's another... Phoebus: I know. Her name is Phoebus. McKay: You seem remarkably sanguine about all this. Phoebus: Well, the imprinting will only last a matter of hours.

We have noted previously that if Sheppard is bad at expressing his emotions, Weir suffers from a similar affliction. This may be one of the reasons that it is so easy for Phoebus to fool them into believing that they are now talking with Weir. She does not let people close to her easily, and it becomes a problem in a moment like this.

Out of the men gathered around her, Beckett simply likes to believe that people are truthful, Caldwell expresses some initial suspicion before she "allows" Weir to take over, and Sheppard seems to believe that it is her outright. Sheppard is speaking to her as though he were really speaking with Weir. It is McKay who, let us note, has known Weir the longest that actually expresses some suspicion toward her behaviour, pointing out that she is behaving out of character. He uses the term "remarkably sanguine," as though it is her disposition that is irregular, and his choice of words means that at least a portion of the audience will not catch on to what is happening here. This episode is about knowing someone regardless of their physical appearance, and we see here that McKay seems to know her the best. But even he does not know her well enough that he could not be fooled by someone who has access to her memories and experiences.

Phoebus: The other pod, Phoebus urgently desires to be here when we bring the other pod back to Atlantis. Sheppard: Why? Phoebus: She believes it's her husband. Caldwell: Husband? Phoebus: He escaped the ship, she's certain of it and...

Although Sheppard does not seem to doubt that Weir is who she claims to be, he is nonetheless suspicious of this alien consciousness and seems especially cautious of bringing in the other pod, having seen what had happened with the first one -- McKay having been just as close to the pod as Weir. He does not think that Weir is lying to them but is not sure that the alien consciousness is not lying to her for nefarious purposes. Sheppard knows that bringing in the other pod will require McKay to work on it and we have seen time and time again that he does not like taking chances with McKay's safety. And so Phoebus begins spinning a yarn. Now, the interpersonal relationship between Phoebus and Thalen is never made explicit. She calls him her husband, then calls him the enemy and that she had only used this ruse to get them to revive him so that she could kill him herself, but it is also obvious that they have a long history between them, that they know each other intimately. But whether or not they have an intimate relationship, the reason she is telling them about her husband now is to get access to him.

If we assume Thalen is someone that she hates so much that even realizing that she has died and the man is about to die soon as well, she still wants to see him suffer before he dies, then it must be important for her to see this through. It seems to be important enough to lie about it, to fool these people into thinking that they would not just be doing her a favour but participating in this romantic narrative, this love story. Of all the things that she could have used as an excuse to get them to open the other pod (he might have been their greatest scientist who possessed the cure to space cancer or free energy or any number of things), she chooses this story, and this is an important point: she is not choosing this angle because she thinks it is what Weir would find convincing but it is the angle that she, based on Weir's knowledge of the men now standing around her bed, thinks would convince them.

She thinks that this love story angle will convince especially Sheppard and McKay, because the first has to make the call and the second has to open the pod. Phoebus uses a love story to get Sheppard and McKay to do her bidding because that is everything that Weir knows about them told her to do. And it works. We already see McKay looking helplessly around the room when the word "husband" is spoken because he does not seem to know where to look, just knowing that it is not safe to look at Sheppard. And make note of how Beckett, who we have noted previously knows that his best friend is gay, glances at McKay when she says the word, and McKay very quickly acknowledges his look. What on Earth would make Beckett think about McKay when the word "husband" gets spoken? It certainly is not all the girls that he is getting. But it gets even more interesting then.

Phoebus: ...the rush of emotion is... it's overwhelming. Sheppard: I can imagine. McKay: No, no, you can't. Sheppard: No... I can't.

This really should have been their first clue, because Weir is not expressive with her emotions like this. Even with the love of her life Simon we never saw her like this. And just to emphasize, this is Phoebus putting on a performance that she is hoping will convince Sheppard and McKay, the two of them in particular, into helping her get access to the pod and its contents. She is performing for them. The mainstream viewer thinks that Sheppard is somehow moved by watching Weir being emotional and romantic here when she is making these two men imagine what it feels like to miss a husband. She is inviting them to empathize with her in the expectation of being reunited with the husband that she thought she had lost, to be able to get her man back one last time. She is basing this on the memories of Weir, who we may note, had been there when Sheppard thought that McKay had died and she had been there when McKay was fearing for Sheppard's life. The math is not that hard here.

Sheppard and McKay have a curious exchange here. The implication seems to be that McKay is referring to Cadman. He has experienced what it is like to be possessed by someone, which is what Weir is experiencing now, and as Weir tells them that she is being overcome by someone else's emotions and Sheppard seems to be saying he can imagine what it feels like, McKay is telling him that he really cannot imagine. Although Cadman and McKay never had access to each other's thoughts or memories, it seems as though the physical sensations they experienced gave them some indication into the other's emotions and McKay certainly could experience some spill-over for example from Cadman having used his body to kiss his best friend in front of his entire science crew, but how much of Cadman's actual emotions McKay ever had access to is another question.

However, Sheppard does not seem to be referring to that. He is not saying that he can imagine what a rush of emotion feels like, let alone what the rush of emotion of another consciousness feels like. Because he is caught up in the romantic yarn that she is spinning, he is saying that he can imagine what the rush of emotion of when you are reunited with someone you love that you thought you had lost feels like, and Sheppard has not just experienced this very thing, he has experienced it recently. In fact, Sheppard has experienced this very thing (which is precisely why she is using this ploy, she is playing them) more times than most people. The rush of emotion when you thought you had lost the love of your life only to have them returned to you, Sheppard is basically a pro at that. He has experienced that more times than he has gotten a new pair of combat boots.

That feeling, that rush of emotion, is so familiar to him that he does not even hear what he is saying here, in front of his superior officer. He cannot hear it but McKay can. And McKay is telling him "No, no you can't," not to say that this is something that Sheppard is unfamiliar with, he is not telling Sheppard what he can and can not imagine feeling. He is saying "No, you can't talk about husbands in front of Caldwell, how are you so bad at this?" McKay, who is much better at flying under the radar about the whole not asking and not telling affair with the military, is telling Sheppard "Ix-nay on missing the usband-hay". He is not trying to invalidate Sheppard's feelings here, he is trying to protect his career.

And just as soon as Sheppard realizes what he had been saying, we see him back-pedal full strength, looking slightly panicked. His reaction is not "Oh, I'm sorry I invalidated your feelings of being possessed by Cadman" because we know that his sentiments on that are "When are you going to stop being creeped out by her?" No, his reaction is more "Abort! Abort! I take it back!" And this harks back to the previous scene where we had seen how surprised and taken aback McKay had been with Caldwell's surprise visit. He had not been prepared to see him there because it meant that the two of them had to adjust their behaviour. And it is obvious Sheppard had needed this time to adjust his behaviour as well. At the same time, this shows us just how expertly Phoebus is using Weir's knowledge to play each and every one of them.

Phoebus: John, I'd like you to try. Phoebus has a favour she would like to ask of you.

After referencing this rush of emotion one feels toward a husband, Phoebus uses Weir's knowledge of Sheppard to suggests to him that this is something that he might want to try. We have noted before that Weir seems to think that Sheppard is gay-gay, and she seems to enjoy being in on his secret. She seems to like having little inside jokes with him about his preference for men, and this could well be Phoebus attempting to do the same to him using Weir's memories of their relationship with each other. We see Weir wagging her brows impishly here as she suggests that Sheppard takes another man inside of him, and Sheppard does not seem to know how to react to this at all. Not just the proposition that he take an alien consciousness inside but her joking about him taking a guy in front of Caldwell -- we can see that this is an issue in how he very subtly glances at Caldwell to see his reaction to what she had just said at the end of the scene. Caldwell is not his confidante in the room, the person he looks at when he needs advise or support -- Caldwell is a representative of the military that does not have a sense of humour about these things.

So again, we have to make it clear that although they all think this is Weir that is talking to them, it is actually Phoebus, we are confirmed as much at the end of the episode. This is an important episode for people who enjoy the dynamic between Sheppard and Weir, the traditional unresolved tension between male lead and female co-star. They get to do a whole Mr and Mrs Smith routine, so it must mean that there is some romantic tension between the characters, yes? I have written about the reasons why they could never had pursued this relationship on the show due to the whole military-entertainment complex and how it would have been morally bankrupt, but the way they play out this episode allowed them to tease "the ship" without committing to anything, to use the kiss as a ratings grab without having to compromise the characters or the central story. But this episode is not about Sheppard and Weir's relationship. Theirs is not the long goodbye on the show.

It is important to note that it is not Weir who makes the choice on who to get as Thalen's avatar but Phoebus, based on the information that Weir has. It is not Weir who chooses Sheppard but Phoebus. And it seems as though she is not looking for a husband but someone to kill -- So the question is, why choose the most capable soldier among them? It could of course be that she wants a challenge. But out of the men gathered around her bed, she knows that she would never be able to convince Beckett to do it, nor would the others let him. They need McKay to spring Thalen loose and again Sheppard would never let him undergo the experience. Caldwell and McKay also have recent experiences of being possessed that they are likely reluctant to re-experience. At the same time, although it is not true for the show given his status as a protagonist, Sheppard is also the most expendable of the four men.

Phoebus intends on killing him, and his Ancient gene aside, Sheppard is the easiest of them to replace -- in fact his replacement is standing right there next to him. He had been promoted ahead of schedule, and given that she has access to Weir's memories, Phoebus may even know that in the case both of them died, Sheppard would be replaced anyway. Sheppard is only commander because of her, and if she is not around, neither will he be. So it is not because Weir is just so smitten with Sheppard that she wants him to try on the husband of the woman hanging out inside her mind like a Sunday suit, it is that Phoebus thinks that Sheppard is the most expendable. And again they are lucky that she does not pick McKay, even though he might have been just as easy to catch with this romantic yarn that she is spinning (and in fact, she is using the romantic story to get him to open the pod; to pull this off she needs him too). If either one had picked McKay as their avatar, they would be lucky if the Daedalus currently circling the solar system at a wide orbit would have survived.

Continued in Pt. 4

[yourworldiseternallycomplete]

i love my music prof tbh he’s got great taste n im v excited for my film music class

[the-cooler-king]

Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl

[spirestar]

@heartinhands !

❝ You know me. I’ll be late to my own funeral, ❞ she says. Trying to comfort him, undoubtedly. And he knows that / Needs to put on a brave face for everyone, himself included but she's -- Dying perpetually and never entirely, in different forms, always, always, in every tale, in little pieces -- Even his own story, one he made as an offer and an apology and a love letter, hurt her, too.

"Well, forgive me if that's not exactly comforting," BATTLER's scowl at the ground suddenly rises enough to meet her gaze, like the shore and cerulean sea meeting before they part once more. Crashing again and again / If only the moon would disappear and take any threats of tides with it. Eternal night would be perfect for demons and fantasies alike; Nothing hides a trick better than the dark. But it's stupid for him to consider saying no. For him to join Ange, to leave their / her territory, is to abandon her. To leave everyone's fates in her hands once more. It's not something he takes lightly: It's not fair. Battler knows better than to say that, too, though -- Even if it might get a giggle out of her, even if he'd like that to be the last sound he hears before---

"Don't even think about it," is how he answers. They can't fail. Whether the Golden Land crumbles and the witches and their hunters tear this world to pieces or not, they can't fail. It's more than only a foolish, base fear of oblivion, or hope for the Witch of the Future. There's too much that they haven't shared, too. Whether a vow has meaning for beings in a cat box is up to those that promised it, isn't it? He's going to keep the one he made to the Golden Witch / As sure as he is that Ange's future can be made a good one, he believes in theirs too, however impossible and improbable their rondo across the small game board may be before its ending. He can't let her die alone again. "I won't forgive you, y'know?" He flashes a tiny, impudent grin for her before focus unfurls over his features once more.

Ducking his shoulders, Battler slips his cloak over his shoulders -- Magic would let him do otherwise but, but -- and throws its heavy weight over her shoulders with care. It's a good excuse to be closer to her, to admit how powerless he is to help her beyond following his sister and the Traveler witch beyond the board, and apologize. His hands move carefully to clasp the small chain closed over the fabric of her dress, and then he smiles again, nose scrunching, fond and terrified and sure all at once / There is no exit to escape from except for this door. However, the chain lock on this door is set. You can unset and reset it all you want, but you can only do so from the inside. / A slight shake of his head, almost a tremble: "I won't hold you another one, late or not, Beato. It'll be ours or not at all."

[mrbrrop]

Why McDanno from Hawaii 5-0 is an incredible and insane ship :

• Always calling each other babe (which yeah, for danny why not? He calls everyone babe (mostly Steve though)). But Steve he only calls Danny babe

• Constantly going on dates (like it's rarely justified as case related, sometimes the ep just starts and they're just hiking or fishing or whatever for no specific reason)

• The CONSTANT touching (I think there are multiple compilations on tumblr of just them touching each other, like them cuddling on the couch or Steve caressing Danny's neck, or Danny slapping Steve’s ass, or the regular bicep grab or torso slap)

• The I Love You's (which are only justified as platonic with I Love You, bro or I Love You man (sometimes not even that))

• The spanish "Te amo" instead of "Te quiero" translation

• "You're my Danno" (like what?)

• The whole fact that the show starts on the premis that 2.5 min after meeting Danny, Steve just changes his whole life trajectory and accepts to run a task force he didn't even want in the first place

• The usual "Basically raising a kid together" thing (Well 2 kids in their case)

• Steve mentioning that he loves Danny very much and is kind of married to him whilst he's on date with a woman

• The Carguments (they literally coined the term (I think?))

• The sharing organs thing (There was no hesitation just "here take a piece of my liver!")

• The Couple's Therapy (literal couple's therapy, Steve "misread" the pamphlet or whatever (which had a couple piggyback riding on it))

• The constant clocking of the characters ("are you talking to your wife"; "they in love again"; "I don't understand, I thought they weren't together?"; "How long have you two been married?"; "ok you two lovebirds" etc etc..)

• The buying a restaurant together (but it being a clear metaphor for marriage and the characters constantly comparing it to a marriage or referencing it like it's a marriage)

• The always entering each other's houses without knocking

• The eye fucking

• "I would have gone with the gay thing.. to you know keep our covers"

• "I'll give you a hug, I'll give you a kiss, pick a base"

• Steve caressing Danny's hand and arm

• "What are you wearing?" said over the phone

• Steve remembering exactly when they met to the minute

• "If I didn't put my finger inside of you, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now!"

• Them dancing together at Kono's wedding (+"you don't have to dance with me tonight" at Max's goodbye party)

• Danny comparing himself being worried about Steve to Tani being worried about Junior when it is heavily implied that Tani & Junior are in love

• Steve being more interested in watching a movie than making out with his girlfriend (+Plus always getting interrupted by Danny and ending up cuddling with him)

• Steve comparing himself to Danny's ex wife (After getting offended that Danny didn't consider him when making retirement plans because he just assumed it was agreed that they would spend the rest of their lives together)

• Just vibes atp

From here on out, it's mostly the actors doing things, but..

• The almost kissing blooper

• The "You've got the best ass and it's hanging out of a truck" blooper

• The fact that the actors were both on board (if I was told correctly) but that the showrunner was an absolute dick

[thedensworld]

Two Selfish and Perfectionist | l. jh

Pairing: producer Jihoon x singer songwriter reader

Genre: established relationship

Type: fluff, smut (make out, fingering, mdni!)

Word Count: 3k

Summary: sometimes you just want to be a perfectionist, but a perfectionist would lead to selfishness. But you're not alone here.

It was late afternoon, the golden hues of the setting sun barely reaching into Jihoon's studio through the thick blinds. The air smelled faintly of coffee and lingering traces of his cologne, mixing with the ever-present scent of worn-out leather from the studio couch. His speakers played an old blues track, the slow strumming of the guitar blending into the hum of his computer as he scrolled through files, eyes scanning the screen with practiced ease.

The door creaked open, and Jihoon instinctively turned in his chair. There you were, stepping inside with a playful flourish, striking a pose as if making a grand entrance. He chuckled, his expression softening the moment he saw you. Without hesitation, he got up, his body moving toward you with an ease that spoke of familiarity and longing.

"You didn’t have to bring this," he murmured, taking the bags from your hands with one swift motion. "I told you we could eat outside later." He set them down on the coffee table, his gaze lingering on you this time, drinking in the sight of you after what felt like an endless week of missed moments and rushed goodbyes.

Then, without another word, his arms encircled you, pulling you close into the warmth of his embrace. His grip was firm yet gentle, his chin resting lightly against your hair as he finally exhaled the tension he didn’t even realize he was holding.

"How’s work, baby?" His voice dropped to something softer, more intimate, meant only for you. His fingers absentmindedly traced patterns along your back. "You’ve been everywhere this whole week… I miss you."

You let out a deep sigh, melting into his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your cheek. "So tiring…" you murmured, your voice laced with exhaustion.

Jihoon hummed, tightening his hold ever so slightly. "Then just stay here for a bit," he whispered, pressing a light kiss against the crown of your head. "You don’t have to do anything. Just breathe."

You barely had a second to settle into his warmth before the question slipped past your lips.

"Did you listen to the demos I sent you?" You pulled back slightly, looking up at him with expectant eyes.

Jihoon sighed, his hands still resting on your waist as he gave you a pointed look. "Babe, at least eat first before we start talking about work." His tone was firm, but the way his thumb absentmindedly brushed over your side betrayed his fondness.

You couldn’t help but grin, tilting your head at him. "You? Telling me not to work?" A teasing lilt crept into your voice as you poked at his chest. "Jihoon, the same guy who spends fourteen hours in this studio, forgets to eat, and only takes breaks when I physically drag him out of here?"

Jihoon scoffed, stepping back just enough to shoot you a deadpan look. "That’s different."

"Oh, is it?" You crossed your arms, amused. "So, when you do it, it’s dedication, but when I do it, it’s overworking?"

"It’s different because I’m looking out for you," he shot back, grabbing the takeout bag and waving it slightly in front of you. "Now sit. Eat first. Then we can talk about your EP."

You bit your lip to hide your smile, but the warmth in your chest spread like wildfire. Jihoon wasn’t the type to fuss openly, but this—this was his way of taking care of you. And as much as you wanted to press him about the demos, you couldn’t deny that the smell of food was suddenly very tempting.

Jihoon handed you a pair of chopsticks before opening his own container, the scent of warm food filling the small studio. The music from his speakers had shifted to something softer—probably an instrumental track he had been working on earlier.

As you took a bite, he casually said, "Mingyu finally settled on a concept for his solo debut."

You raised a brow, chewing. "Oh? What’s the theme? Gym selfies and puppy eyes?"

Jihoon let out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. "Close. He wants something sultry, more R&B-influenced. Think Taeyang, but with more groove."

You hummed, considering it. "I can see that. He’s got the stage presence for it."

"Yeah, but he’s making me rewrite half the song because he suddenly wants a different vibe." Jihoon sighed, rubbing his temple. "I swear, one more change, and I’m making him do the writing himself."

You giggled, nudging his foot with yours. "Sounds frustrating, but you’re kind of a perfectionist too. Admit it—you like the challenge."

Jihoon clicked his tongue but didn’t argue, taking a bite of his food instead. "What about you? How was Japan?"

"Busy. Exhausting. But fun," you said, leaning back against the couch. "The fan meeting was huge. They really went all out with the decorations this time. And the fans? So sweet. One of them even wrote a letter saying my music helped them get through a tough time."

Jihoon glanced at you then, something fond flickering in his gaze. "That’s gotta feel nice."

You nodded. "It does. Makes all the stress worth it."

He was quiet for a moment, stirring his food absentmindedly before speaking again. "And your voice? How’s your throat holding up?"

You blinked at him, then smirked. "Why do you sound more worried about my vocal cords than my exhaustion?"

Jihoon rolled his eyes. "Because you’ll sleep eventually, but if you strain your voice, I’ll be the one dealing with your frustration when you can’t hit your notes."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Fair point." Then, after a beat, you added, "But I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all."

Jihoon didn’t look entirely convinced, but he let it slide. "Good. I need you in top shape for this EP."

"See?" You pointed at him. "And you said we wouldn’t talk about work while eating."

He smirked, leaning back against the couch beside you. "I never said that. I said you shouldn’t talk about work while eating. I can do whatever I want."

You groaned, nudging his leg again. "Unbelievable."

Jihoon just chuckled, shaking his head before stealing a piece of food from your container, earning a gasp of protest from you. And just like that, the weight of exhaustion felt a little lighter.

As soon as you finished eating, you wiped your hands, grabbed your phone, and immediately started jotting down notes. Jihoon watched you with a knowing smirk, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back in his chair.

"You couldn't even let yourself digest first?" he teased.

"You say that like you’re not about to spend the next hour dissecting my demos," you shot back without looking up.

Jihoon huffed a laugh and swiveled in his chair to pull up your files. The moment the first track started playing through the speakers, his focus sharpened, his head nodding slightly as he listened. You knew this look—his producer mode had officially switched on.

After the song played through once, he leaned forward, fingers tapping lightly against his desk. "Okay. Overall, the structure is solid. But the pre-chorus needs a little more buildup—you’re coming in strong, but the transition feels too abrupt. Try holding out the last note in the verse a bit longer to let it flow naturally."

You nodded quickly, typing out his notes while replaying the part in your head. Jihoon continued, breaking down the details patiently, his voice steady but firm as he pointed out small but crucial tweaks.

"The harmonies in the bridge? Love them. But they could use a little more layering. Maybe stack another vocal track an octave higher."

"Got it."

"The last chorus is great, but you can push the emotion more—don’t be afraid to go raw with it."

You scribbled that down too, biting your lip in concentration. When he was done, you straightened up, inhaled deeply, and turned your phone screen toward him like a student about to present their homework. "Okay, teacher, here’s my revised plan."

Jihoon chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Let’s see it."

You walked him through each of his suggestions, demonstrating the changes with quick vocal snippets. Jihoon nodded along, occasionally offering minor adjustments, but for the most part, he looked pleased.

"You’re catching on fast," he admitted, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

"Of course. I have a great mentor," you quipped.

Jihoon snorted but didn’t argue. Instead, he reached for a mic and handed it to you. "You can record it here." He pulled a chair closer to the recording setup, gesturing for you to sit.

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment settle in.

"Let’s start with the first verse," Jihoon instructed, his tone soft but assured.

You met his eyes, feeling a wave of comfort in his steady presence. Then, with a small nod, you put on the headphones and let yourself sink into the music.

The hours stretched on, the once playful atmosphere in the studio growing heavier as you pushed yourself through every take. Jihoon sat behind the mixing board, his fingers hovering over the controls, listening intently as you sang and then immediately requested another round, adjusting every little detail that didn’t sit right with you.

At first, he admired it—your dedication, your drive to perfect every note. It was one of the things that had drawn him to you in the first place. He saw so much of himself in the way you worked, in the way you refused to settle. But as time ticked by, he noticed the tension in your shoulders, the way your voice wavered not from emotion but from sheer exhaustion.

He wanted to stop you. His heart ached to tell you to rest, to take a breath, to call it a night. But he also knew you—knew that stopping before you were satisfied would only frustrate you more. So, he let you continue, let you chase the image of perfection you had in your mind.

Until he heard it.

The deep, tired sigh, the quiver in your voice as you tried to hold the note but fell just short. A shaky exhale, and then silence.

Jihoon looked up just in time to see you blinking rapidly, your breath uneven as frustration welled up inside you. The tears pricking at your eyes made his chest tighten.

Without hesitation, he reached forward and pushed the mic away from you, his chair scraping against the floor as he stood.

"Y/n," he murmured, his voice softer now, careful. He crouched in front of you, his hands finding yours, rubbing slow circles over your knuckles.

You swallowed hard, shaking your head. "I can do it. I just—" Your voice cracked, and you bit your lip, looking away.

Jihoon sighed, his thumb brushing against the back of your hand. "You don’t have to prove anything right now."

"But I—"

"You’re tired, baby," he whispered, squeezing your fingers gently. "You’ve been at this for hours. Even I start making mistakes when I push too hard."

You let out a weak laugh, sniffling. "You never make mistakes."

Jihoon rolled his eyes, leaning in closer, his forehead lightly pressing against yours. "I do. I just don’t let you see them."

That made you smile, if only a little. Jihoon pulled back just enough to look at you properly, his eyes searching yours. "Come on. Let’s take a break. Just for tonight."

You hesitated, your perfectionist heart warring with the exhaustion in your body. But Jihoon’s hands were warm, grounding. His presence, steady as always.

With a deep breath, you finally nodded. "Okay."

Jihoon smiled, standing up and offering his hand. "Good. Now, let’s get out of this studio before we both lose our minds."

And just like that, the weight on your shoulders felt a little lighter.

*

The dim lighting of Jihoon's apartment cast a seductive haze over you, shadows dancing across the walls as you moved together in a feverish rhythm. The air was heavy with the scent of sweat, musk, and something uniquely yours – the heady perfume of desire. Music pulsed from hidden speakers, the beat thrumming in time with your racing hearts.

You lips locked passionately as hands roamed greedily over each other's bodies, lost in the heat of desire. He broke away, trailing kisses down your neck as he urged you to stand, leading you to his bedroom.

"I'm gonna worship every inch of you."

His words were like a prelude to sin as he leaned in to claim your lips once more, tongue delving into your mouth to tangle with yours. The world narrowed to the feeling of his hard body pinning you to the wall, the insistent press of his arousal against your hip. He reached down, fingers finding the fastenings of your jeans, tugging them free and shoving the denim down your legs.

As the jeans pooled around your ankles, Jihoon's hands made quick work of your lacy bra, unhooking it and letting the straps slide down your shoulders. His palms cupped your breasts, thumbs circling the hardened peaks as he dipped his head to draw a nipple into his mouth. You gasped at the sudden sensation, fingers tangling in his hair as he lavished attention on one breast while teasing the other with his clever fingers.

"You're so beautiful, baby," Jihoon breathed, gaze burning into yours as he nipped and sucked along your jawline. "I want nothing more than to take care of you right now." His large hands caressed your inner thighs, thumbs brushing over the damp fabric of your panties. "Tell me how much you need me, sweetheart..." He hooked his fingers in the elastic, slowly pulling the lace down her hips.

"Need you," you whispered breathlessly, arching into his touch. "Want you to make me forget everything except how good you feel."

Jihoon's eyes darkened with desire at your needy admission. He licked his lips, his gaze flicking to the apex of your thighs as he revealed more of your heated flesh. "Fuck, you're gorgeous," he rasped, pressing a thigh between yours to part them wider.

With each drag of his tongue and scrape of teeth, Jihoon coaxed more of your essence onto his digits, reveling in your flavor as he brought them to his lips for a taste. "Sweet Jesus, you're addictive," he groaned, spreading your juices over his mouth before plunging two fingers back inside your dripping channel. He pumped steadily, curling them to stroke that sensitive bundle of nerves with every thrust.

"I thought you want me to rest, Jihoon.."

Letting out a low chuckle, Jihoon met your eyes with a mischievous glint. "Rest? Baby, this is the ultimate form of relaxation for us," he purred, punctuating his words with a slow, deliberate thrust of his fingers. "Your body is speaking louder than your words, telling me exactly what it craves." Leaning in close, he captured your earlobe between his teeth, giving it a gentle tug.

With a firm grip on your waist, Jihoon spun you around and pinned you against the wall, never breaking his rhythm as his fingers continued their sensual assault. "Come for me, beautiful," he commanded huskily, increasing the pace and depth of his strokes. "Let go, sweetheart. I've got you."

As your orgasm crashed over you, Jihoon gentled his touch, petting your clit with a soothing rhythm until the aftershocks subsided. "That's it, baby, ride it out," he murmured, pressing tender kisses to your neck and shoulder blades. Once you steadied, he carefully extracted his fingers, bringing them to his lips for another intimate taste. "So gorgeous, watching you fall apart for me."

With a gentle caress, Jihoon guided you to the plush bed, helping you settle onto the cool sheets. He lingered beside you, hands roaming over your curves, ensuring you felt cherished and adored. After draping the duvet over your body, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, his warmth seeping into your skin. "Rest now, my love," he whispered, voice a low rumble in your ear.

*

The soft glow of morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm haze over Jihoon's bedroom. You stirred, stretching lazily as the sheets pooled around your waist. A deep breath filled your lungs, and for the first time in what felt like days, you actually felt rested.

But as you turned over, expecting to find Jihoon beside you, the bed was empty.

You blinked, still groggy, your fingers brushing over the spot where he should have been. It was still faintly warm, meaning he hadn’t been gone for long.

A second later, the door creaked open, and you glanced up—only to burst into laughter at the sight before you.

Jihoon stood in the doorway, balancing a tray of food in his hands with the most nonchalant expression, as if this was something he did every day. His messy hair stuck up in odd directions, and he was still in the oversized shirt he had slept in, but what made it even funnier was the sheer concentration on his face as he carefully maneuvered the tray.

"Don't laugh," he said immediately, his brows furrowing in fake offense. "This is a serious operation."

You grinned, sitting up. "I just never expected you to bring me breakfast in bed."

Jihoon huffed, walking over and setting the tray on the nightstand. "Well, you overworked yourself last night, so I figured I should do something nice before you start torturing yourself again today."

Your heart swelled at the thought, but you couldn’t resist teasing him. "So you do love me."

He shot you a flat look but didn’t deny it. Instead, he climbed back into bed, sitting beside you as he handed you a plate. "Eat before I change my mind and take it back."

You laughed again but obeyed, taking a bite and humming in delight. "This is actually good."

Jihoon rolled his eyes. "You act like I don’t know how to use a stove."

"Hey, I’ve seen you live off of coffee and takeout for weeks. Can you blame me?"

Jihoon didn’t respond—just gave you a side glance before stealing a bite from your plate, earning a gasp of protest from you.

Jihoon watched you eat slowly, your gaze unfocused as you stared blankly at the wall, lost in thought. He let out a quiet chuckle, reaching over to brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers lingered for a moment, tracing lightly against your skin before he pulled away. The morning sunlight spilled through the window, casting a soft glow on your face, making your skin radiant, your brown eyes gleaming like honey in gold.

"You look beautiful…" he murmured, almost absentmindedly, as if the thought had simply slipped out.

You turned to him, blinking, before scoffing lightly. "I don’t even have makeup on, and I just woke up," you said, your voice still laced with sleep. Without thinking much of it, you tossed another piece of sausage into your mouth.

Jihoon smirked, shaking his head. "Exactly. And you’re still this beautiful. Isn’t that cheating?"

You let out a small laugh, rolling your eyes as you chewed. There was a brief pause before you spoke again, your voice a little quieter, more thoughtful.

"Sometimes… sometimes throughout my day, I think to myself," you started, trailing off for a second before meeting his gaze.

Jihoon tilted his head, intrigued. "Yeah?"

You swallowed your bite, a slow smile forming on your lips. "Should I show people this side of you… or should I gatekeep it?"

Jihoon tilted his head, his gaze fixed on you with quiet amusement. "And?" he prompted, his fingers absentmindedly tracing circles on your wrist.

You chewed thoughtfully before swallowing, then smirked. "And I decided… I like being selfish."

His smile widened, eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. "Oh? You want to gatekeep me, huh?"

You nodded, reaching for another bite. "Mhm. If people knew how soft you actually are—how you bring me breakfast, say sweet things without hesitation, and look at me like this—they’d riot."

Jihoon let out a soft chuckle, leaning in just enough for his shoulder to brush against yours. "So, you’re saying my tough, cold-hearted producer image would be ruined?"

"Completely," you teased, turning to him with a grin. "They’d never take you seriously again."

He sighed dramatically, shaking his head. "That’s a big risk… but I don’t think I mind." His voice dropped slightly, more sincere now as his fingers laced with yours. "As long as you’re the only one who sees it."

Your breath hitched, caught off guard by how easily he could make you flustered, even after all this time.

You rolled your eyes to cover it up, squeezing his hand. "See? This is exactly why I should keep you all to myself."

Jihoon laughed, leaning over to steal another bite from your plate. "Fine, fine. Just don’t expect me to stop calling you beautiful, whether you like it or not."

You chuckled, shaking your head before nudging his shoulder with yours. "I guess I can live with that."

*

Mingyu groaned the moment he stepped into the studio, his shoulders sagging as his eyes landed on you lounging casually on the couch. You waved at him with a smug grin, your playful smirk only making his expression darker.

Jihoon, sitting at the mixing console, barely looked up as he said, “She’s helping with some directing today.”

Mingyu groaned even louder, dramatically tilting his head back.

"Why? Do you hate me, oppa?" you gasped, clutching your chest as if deeply wounded. Your over-the-top reaction only earned a tired eye roll from Mingyu, while Jihoon bit back a chuckle, clearly entertained by the exchange.

Mingyu exhaled sharply, shaking his head. "I came in today expecting a perfectionist." He shot you both a pointed look. "Not two perfectionists."

Jihoon finally looked up, an amused smirk playing on his lips. Without another word, he gestured toward the recording booth.

"Get in there, and let’s see if we can survive this," Jihoon quipped.

Mingyu grumbled under his breath as he made his way to the booth, shooting you one last look of playful exasperation.

You just winked. "Don’t worry, oppa. We’ll only make you redo it a hundred times."