#ep. lifeline

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Gift, Pt. 3

Teyla discusses her dreams with Heightmeyer, and apparently they talk for quite a while. We get several scenes between them and because Teyla keeps having nightmares that confuse dream and reality, it is difficult to keep track of the actual timeline of the events. They do have several sessions, and they seem to have them at all hours of the day (and night). It's interesting that her 'gift' seems to be made into an allegory of homosexuality kind of like the X-Men in the 1990s (in how people fear and hate anything that is different):

Heightmeyer: Do many of your people have this ability? Teyla: Some. Among those few, some can sense the Wraith stronger than others. I have always been among the first to know they are coming. Heightmeyer: That makes you special. How does that make you feel? Teyla: I do not know. I suppose I have not given it much thought. Heightmeyer: Why not? Teyla: Why do some people have blue eyes and others brown?

Given that the motif of this episode is her attempting to deal with this thing that has made her different from her people from childhood onward, the fact that she is paralleled with McKay so hard in this particular episode is rather telling. Earlier, Teyla had a discussion with Beckett about this thing that has made her different being genetic in nature. In other words, she was born this way. They drive the point in further:

Heightmeyer: The truth is, people waste a lot of time trying to interpret their dreams. They're really just another way our brain thinks when we're asleep. There are no hidden meanings. In fact, we tend to forget most everything we dream about. Our conscious mind is capable of deciding what's most important to us. Teyla: Well, the fact that on some level I see myself as a Wraith is very disturbing to me. Heightmeyer: I think this special ability that you have, this talent for sensing the Wraith, connects you to them in your mind--maybe in a way you would like to deny. You said you hadn't really given it much thought in the past--I don't think that's true. Teyla: What am I supposed to do? I cannot change it. Heightmeyer: Probably not--but the unknown frightens us. We all like to feel in control, even though most of the time our power over most things is just an illusion. But I find the more we know about something, the more we can convince ourselves we are in control of it.

Encouraged by her conversation with Heightmeyer she decides to dig deeper into her past, visiting the mainland to speak with one of their elders. She learns some Athosian wraith lore and we then find her sitting in Weir's office, telling Weir and Sheppard about her discoveries.

Sheppard has apparently returned from the Alpha Site, and again we don't know when or what he has been doing in the meantime. Where Teyla and Weir are seated on the opposite sides of her desk, he is standing by the side of the door facing Teyla, arms folded, kind of behind Weir but twisted in a way that he actually manages to have his body (especially his pelvis) turned away from the both of them. All I'm saying is that it defies all laws of probability that this keeps happening by chance or accident. Acting choices are being made.

Given what we later learn about Sheppard's past later (both with regards to his father and what happened in Afghanistan), Sheppard has a curious reaction to the thought of people being sent away from their homes:

Teyla is sharing all of this with Weir because she feels that the leader of the expedition needs to know about this fascinating new information she has learned, and Sheppard is there as her superior. And to his credit, Sheppard is taking her side, being the supportive leader that he is clearly intending to be at this time. He does seem very concerned, listening to her. Not so much over the content of her story as the fact that she is so agitated over it. To him, he explicitly tells us in the following scene, this is about trying to help her put this behind her so that she can sleep, so that they all can sleep. It's not that she believes her or even cares if what she says is true, it's that he can see it's bothering her and figures this might help.

Sheppard still seems to be deferring to Weir's leadership, allowing her to call the shots even though this is becoming more and more a purely military matter. Here, he offers Weir only his advice while taking the side of his team member. He also only looks at Weir out of the corner of his eye, doesn't properly turn to look at her once. Further, he is starting to feel desperate enough that he is willing to grasp at any straws he can reach. He does not let it show because it doesn't help their situation at all but because he (just like McKay) realizes much better than most how much trouble they are in, he is really quite distressed. He is hanging on by a thread. The desperation is starting to creep in.

Teyla: I have the address to the planet where this happened. Charan says the village is long gone. All that is left are ruins but still, I wish to go there. Weir: Now? Teyla: I believe this must be coming to light now for a reason. Maybe we can find evidence of what really happened. Weir: Look, Teyla, there are a lot of things that we need to get done. Teyla: Maybe there is a way to fight the Wraith that we have yet to discover. Perhaps my ancestors were simply not enlightened enough to recognise their gift for what it was. Sheppard: Doesn't hurt to take a look around.

Now, Weir is absolutely correct in pointing out that they have so many better things to be doing right now. Sheppard has more important things to be doing, and he also takes McKay on this mission who definitely has more important things to be doing. The fact that Sheppard agrees to this when he is clearly expecting them to find nothing at all on the planet, basically a fool's quest, just tells us how important he finds it that Teyla gets some sleep. And Teyla getting some sleep is important to him because McKay getting some sleep is not only important to him personally, which it is, but is also important for the whole damn expedition. So he's willing to try pretty much anything at this point.

And so, the team find themselves on a nameless alien planet on a dark and stormy night.

We follow Ford who passes McKay, bent over looking at something and Sheppard is standing right behind him, seeming to be looking up at something. Definitely not looking at that behind. But he is, again, turned toward McKay, his eyes taking a tour by McKay as he turns to Ford. While Teyla and McKay appear to be looking around, Sheppard and Ford are just waiting for them to get done with it. In this, Teyla and McKay are again paralleled.

Ford doesn't see the point in being here any more than Weir did:

Ford: Sir, there's nothing here. Sheppard: I know. Ford: Well, it's dark. Shouldn't we be getting back? Sheppard: Give her a minute. Ford: Sir... Sheppard: Ford, I need her to put this behind her; get some sleep. We all do, so whatever it takes.

Make note how Sheppard draws Ford's attention to Teyla, gesturing at her to get Ford to look at her. And what does he do while he has Ford's attention on her? He looks back at McKay. His attention is so firmly on McKay that Ford actually has to to address him ('Sir?') to get him back to the conversation he thought they were having. Sheppard tells him that he needs Teyla to get this behind her (something Freudian perhaps in his choice of words given that McKay had his backside to him) but this scene, here, just tells us that while he is talking about Teyla, it is McKay that is Sheppard's first priority and actual source of concern. Yes, he likes looking at McKay at any and all times. But here, he isn't doing it just because that's where his eyes are drawn but because he is worried about the man. He is worried, and clearly distracted by his concern.

The thing is, Sheppard never expected to find anything on this planet or for these folk tales Teyla had heard among the Athosians to contribute anything to their coming stand against the wraith. His only motivation for bringing the entire team was to help Teyla put what ever is bothering her behind her so that she could get some sleep. He is so worried about her that he is willing to do "whatever it takes". They all need to get some sleep, he says. We haven't heard of Ford having any trouble getting rest, so it's doubtful the "all" here encompasses him. Members of the military have often developed strategies on getting sufficient rest even under battle field conditions so out of everyone on the expedition, they are the least likely to suffer lack of sleep at this time. Sheppard, of course, is among them and given that we have seen him sleep sitting on a chair previously, he probably is capable of sleeping under dire circumstances. But he says "we", counting himself among the people that needs to get some sleep. So what is the thing that's keeping him from getting sufficient sleep?

Sheppard's "we all" explicitly includes Teyla but it also very much seems to include McKay if only because Sheppard heard him complain about not having slept during the meeting. Likewise, we found McKay seeing Heightmeyer where Sheppard directed Teyla to speak with her about her trouble sleeping which allows for us to speculate that he might have done the same with McKay. And yes, McKay getting some sleep is important to everyone at this critical moment. But only a more intimate experience of McKay not sleeping well would explain Sheppard's own need to get some sleep. Crying ourselves to sleep is what McKay said. Trying to sleep next to someone that is having frequent nightmares would keep you from getting rest.

Sheppard can barely keep his eyes off of McKay for the duration of the explanation he gives Ford, returning to look at him on "what ever it takes". While they are on this planet for Teyla, Sheppard's concern is still mostly for McKay. His attention is mostly on McKay. His "what ever it takes" is clearly first and foremost for McKay. The way he looks at him here, brief though it is, is so loving that it leaves little room for doubt as to who Sheppard is really doing all of this for.

He doesn't let McKay see it, though, looking away as McKay turns and approaches him. He pretends to look up at the sky (again) for that short moment that McKay is facing him but as soon as he turns again, Sheppard returns his eyes on him. Then, he speaks his name either because McKay had just been not saying anything longer than he likes or because he noticed just from his body-language that McKay had discovered something (and Sheppard starts saying his name even before McKay raises his head so he is finely attuned to McKay's body-language):

Sheppard: Rodney? McKay: I've got something here. Ford: Really? McKay: I don't know...

McKay trails off, clearly trying to figure something out. It frustrates Sheppard when McKay doesn't use his words, when he doesn't explain things to him. He has such a need to share in his world. We see him trying to look over McKay's shoulder to see what he's looking at on his "magic Ancient device" and not for the last time. Then, we get another curious reference to their private life that is played out mainly through Sheppard's expressions:

McKay: I've got a little... Ford: You've got a little what? Hey, McKay, you've got a little what?! What? Oh, it's OK when you guys make fun of me!

I already discussed this scene in connection with The Brotherhood (S01E16). It shows us that Ford has misinterpreted Sheppard with regards to his attitude and general treatment of McKay.

There are several times that someone says something that kind of makes McKay the butt-end of a joke and we get a reaction shot from Ford. Often, it's Sheppard saying something to provoke a reaction out of McKay because he needs to have McKay's attention on himself pretty much all of the time (and because Ford looks up to his leader, it's only natural for him to want to emulate this behaviour), but it's not just Sheppard either. He finds it amusing when people poke fun at McKay, all mostly in good cheer.

Now, I don't think Ford dislikes McKay. They're just very different people and Ford does not seem to have enough life-experience to understand someone like McKay, to appreciate them as anything more than the magic science man. Back when they were playing the math game (Hot Zone (S01E12), Ford being made fun of mostly by Zelenka, he turns on him and says: "This is some sort of pay-back for guys like me beating up guys like you in high school, right?" He may or may not have actually done this when he was in a high school--he was clearly airing out his frustration when he said this--but there does seem to be some kind of a jock vs. nerd dynamic in his mind when it comes to the military and the science corps of the expedition. And he fully expects Sheppard to participate in this dynamic too, especially because the way he has interpreted things, Sheppard is constantly poking fun at McKay.

Only, Sheppard doesn't feel that way about scientists at all. We just heard him wax poetic in the defense of science in the meeting, expressing his belief that science can turn the tide of war. Science is what has put him into the sky and later into another whole damn galaxy so yes, he appreciates science and scientists even if he had no personal stake in them. And he very much does have a personal stake in one scientist in particular.

Here, Ford says "It's okay when you guys do it to me." But the thing is, we haven't really seen either of them make fun of Ford. In fact, Sheppard and McKay's interpersonal relationship is so insulated that it is difficult for anyone to interrupt their unending back-and-forth with each other. They don't pay attention to other people when they are around each other. And this is precisely the problem. It makes people around them feel like they are outsiders, like they're not a part of something. In fact, Ford referring to them as "you guys" just emphasizes the fact that even he thinks of the two of them forming a unit he is not a part of.

It seems obvious that Ford would like to be a part of their banter, would like to be on the inside. When he says "when you guys make fun of me" even though they don't really make fun of him, it's a kind of projection. He wishes they made fun of him with the same ease and affection that they do each other (even though making fun is not really what they have been doing with each other at all). He wants to be liked and respected by his superior and hence attempts to emulate what he thinks Sheppard so frequently does.

But as stated, Sheppard does not make fun of McKay. He teases McKay. His motivation has never been to belittle him in front of other people but to have his attention, to point out things he has noticed about McKay because he finds them endearing, to try to connect with him. People frequently misinterpret what Sheppard intends (an egregious example is the Superman incident in The Storm, S01E09; to Sheppard Rodney McKay is very much a hero) because, due to his inability to freely express his feelings, he often has to disguise genuine statements in layers sarcasm and flippancy. The more he cares about something the more he has to pretend like it is meaningless. He truly and honestly believes that his love is lethal so the more important something is to him the more has to project not caring like that would protect the object of his affection from the horrible fate he is inviting upon them. John Sheppard is messed up, is the thing. And not everyone can see through his façade--most people, in fact.

So, not only has it never been Sheppard's intention to make fun of McKay, we have seen, especially recently, that he is extremely protective of him. He cares about McKay a whole hell of a lot, regardless of how you interpret their relationship. Even in this very episode it is at least implied that McKay's inability to sleep plays a great part in motivating everything Sheppard does. Sheppard has killed actual people (including one innocent civilian) to protect McKay so suffice it to say that it's a pretty important thing to him. He was never going to join in on this with Ford. But more than that, Ford is making fun of McKay's manhood, his dick. It's crass, yes. It's against the bro-code. But it's also probably the worst possible topic to make fun of that you could pick with Sheppard. He can appreciate a good dick-pun but he has no sense of humour about that.

One, we are hinted multiple times over the seasons that McKay is well-endowed (and make note that even in this scene, he doesn't even notice the whole thing; he has so little complexes relating to his size that he's completely unfazed like the thought doesn't even occur to him that someone might be implying something like that) which is also something that Sheppard appreciates (again, whale dick, Echoes S03E12). Second, by this time Sheppard is not only well-acquainted with his dick, it is one of his favourite things. There's like a 50/50 chance that he's seen McKay's dick more recently than he has seen his own during this scene. Sheppard takes this personally, and he is well-within his rights in doing so. Ford would never have made a disparaging comment about Sheppard's own manhood because he looks up to him so much but it's entirely possible that would have been less offensive to him than that.

So anyway. In this scene, the fact that Sheppard is protective of Rodney McKay's dick is textualized. But because the dialogue is so fascinating, it's easy to miss the way Sheppard was looking at McKay just before he heard and/or got what Ford was saying. Again, with McKay having his back to him, he's so openly and nakedly looking at him. That man is so hopelessly in love with McKay, there is such yearning in his gaze. If we learned anything from the previous episode is that he knows now that he loves him but that he is afraid to speak its name. He knows that McKay can read things off of his face and it seems like this love is something that he doesn't want him to know about, doesn't want him to see. Because what if McKay looked at him the same way? What if he didn't look at him the same way? If he is turning into a teenage girl here it's only because he has never been in love like this before.

Sheppard just walks away from Ford without deigning him with an answer. And ford a second time, he calls Rodney by his name having again reverted to the thing where he communicates with him by only saying his name in different tones and expecting McKay to understand what he means by each iteration of his name.

Sheppard follows McKay and Teyla toward the rock face and, again, as McKay is turned away, he looks at him as he passes. He briefly feels up the solid rock wall, turns around and walks right back to McKay because apparently he really needs to be looking at what ever readings McKay has on his device like he could help figure them out. Or, you know. For some reason when ever he wants McKay to figure something out he needs to be up in his personal space, heads bent together real close.

Teyla seems to vanish inside a wall of solid rock, leaving the rest of them on the outside wondering what the hell just happened. Sheppard is worried about her since they seem to be unable to get to her. McKay tells him "Maybe she got a good running start--you know, really slam into it."

And while Sheppard looks really concerned as he turns back, this has even been described as a "black look" ("Sheppard gives McKay a black look") in many transcripts which, sure. But that's not the look he gives McKay, it's the look he has on him as he turns around. As soon as his mind registers what McKay actually said, he raises his brow like this isn't the time to be thinking about slamming into things. It's subtle, but he definitely caught the reference he thought McKay was making.

This seems similar to what happened back on the planet Dagan in The Brotherhood (S01E16) where McKay made an innocent comment that Sheppard interpreted as a double entendre. And here he is, leaning against a wall with his palms pressed against it and this man is talking about really slamming into it. We will see better examples of this in the future, McKay completely oblivious to how Sheppard hears what he says because his mind, no matter how dire the situation, is on sex. When McKay is around. The most hilarious example of this is in Lifeline (S04E02) when they are on the actual replicator homeworld, on the kind of mission where sex should really be the furthest thing from one's mind. And yet:

McKay: OK, let's jack it up, see how far we can penetrate. Sheppard: "Penetrate"? McKay: What?

Man. Buddy. Pal. Sheppard. Please get some chill.

So anyway, with Sheppard pushing his ass out toward McKay in a shot that is not suggestive of anything at all they stumble into an abandoned wraith lab, and the fabulous mystery deepens.

Continued in Pt. 4

[gavramous]

t4t ghoap.... t4t ghoap *punches the wall so hard my entire fist shatters*

[mayoiayasep]

Se we got.

Bae being missing

Allen in the middle of a mental breakdown

Nayuta about to disappear

Satsuki and Kanata are both pissed bc Allen promised them

Haruomi is. In the building

Fake buraikan are on stage

Ryu is reacting to the metal bc he can. Sense it

Anything I'm missing. Jesus christ

hajun character development🎉🎉

[xxvinwestley]

rip the mfs that hced izzy as a non-drinker

(its me im mfs)

[unissonmag]

FLASH: LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN

With her crystal-clear voice, Neve Bowen is offering her soul to all on her new EP Lifeline…. and it’s deeply moved by both her voice and her words, that I publish my review for her EP. LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN The exercise the 19-year-old Londoner, Neve Bowen, gets into is far from being simple, all done with an intricate softness. The main track, Lifeline, is the balance between light and…

[sunshineandviolets]

"We hardly say "I love you" // 'Cause your parent's parents never did"

"Oh, I'll be fine for tonight // With you by my side, oh my // But don't you know, you're my lifeline"

[omarcitoloves]

simon has lost everything that made wille fall in love with him and wille doesn't even notice.

it's a heartbreaking story to watch but in a brilliant way i'm fixated on it. and not in a simon deserves better than wille way but in a they both need to find themselves again in order to be happy.

simon is proud of his morals and who he is as a person, he's never been apologetic of it and wants people to know because it is deeply important to him to have a strong self identity in a world where he comes from a broken home, where he's gay, where he's lower socioeconomic class, where he's poc in a hugely white community, and where he has leftist ideals in a monarchist country. when wille tells him he can't post on socials because it reflects on something the crown can't have a position on, he feels he's losing his voice. and all wille can see is trying to minimize a headache.

singing has been simon's lifeline throughout the show, and something thats important to him because it is one of the good memories he has with his dad. when wille sees he posted himself singing all he can see is simon drawing more attention, it needs to be deleted. he doesn't even comment on simon's singing or let alone the lyrics which they make it seem he clocks what simon is saying this season as apposed to last but he's too focused on himself.

and then when simon admits to wille outside he feels he's losing his voice and confidence, everything has become too much. he can't enjoy singing, he's not pursuing a solo this season for the first time and he can hardly string together his song. but it goes over wille's head, he can't even notice the gravity of what simon is trying to say to him

at the sit in simon initially stands his ground and calls out all of their hypocrisy and rightfully points out wille only takes a stand when its low risk for him, but he caves lated because he doesn't want to disappoint wille and doesnt want wille to be mad at him. and despite wille saying he likes that they learn from the other's perspective, he doesn't make a move to understand any of simon's pov.

simon had to throw up a white flag in ep 5 becuase not only had simon shriveled into a shell of himself and wille not noticed, this change of simon was enabling the way the monarchy breaks wille. previously, and in glimpses this season we have seen simon show wille where the monarchy goes wrong and tries to pull wille into safety a bit but wille can not see past the status quo this season. he got simon so why should he worry right? but this is not the simon he loves, there is no point to this simon. if this is the guy you wanted to love you could've found anyone who was ok with a private relationship why go after the proud boy who is the antithesis to you?

this gives me hope for ep 6. i think wille needed a rude awakening desperately because he was depriving simon of the oxygen he needs to flourish and letting himself drown at the same time. wille needs to see why he fought so hard for simon, why simon was so important to them. they are so special, wille needs to get past the weight of the crown

[matan4il]

Buddie 611 meta

I LOVED that the ep showed us how Eddie wasn’t doing compressions on Buck because someone instructed him to. No, he just couldn’t stand by, couldn't let someone else try to bring his partner back to life, so he announced he was taking over, fuck anyone who would try to stop him. No one even tries to, they wordlessly acknowledge Eddie as Buck's mad with worry partner, much like how in 315, the team treated Buck while Eddie was in danger. And then Eddie shocks Buck’s heart back and gets his pulse going again. Eddie literally kept Buck’s heart going, and then he was still so distraught that he yelled at the medical staff (even though as a medic, he knows it’s pointless), “Do more!” 'Coz that’s what Eddie himself was doing, he stepped in and did more than he was asked to, a continuation of us having seen him doing exactly that in 610 as well, when he didn’t wait for Bobby to decide what to do to help Buck, Eddie charged up an electrocuted ladder he was just thrown off of. Because when it comes to Buck, he will always do more. ~~

The significance of the bond between them is also shown when Eddie is the first flashback Buck experiences within the coma dream, the first lifeline to the real world. That’s continued when the second flashback is to the tsunami, where Buck saved Chris. However, Eddie and Chris aren't quite present in these flashbacks. Buck’s subconscious is at war with itself. The Diaz boys are this powerful connection to the real world (much like Buck and Chris were Eddie’s back in 315, as I tried to demonstrate in this gifset), but the coma dream shows the power of childhood trauma and how much we can be trapped by the desire to fix it. The whole dream contrasts Buck having parents who are loving, who want and appreciate him, with everything bad that would happen if he weren’t with the 118. As the dream goes on, the price keeps getting higher, yet Buck still struggles until the very end with letting go of the illusion that his parents love him, and the sense he himself can be fixed if they do, like he’d then finally feel good enough. That’s why, in a sense, Eddie and Chris have to be more absent than present for the coma dream to be seductive. Because if they’re fully present, if he truly engages with their coma versions and remembers the family unit he has outside the dream, the balance would be tipped over, the battle would have been decided before Buck had a chance to learn his lesson.

That’s why he only hears what happened to Eddie, he doesn’t witness it firsthand, and why when the dream's seductive nature is failing, suddenly Chris is there (despite his coma version not being in LA) to tempt Buck into staying. Even then, walking away from the dream version of Chris while telling him that he’s not real is the only thing Buck says he'll always feel guilty about. ~~ 

I just gotta include a small note here on how much I love the progression we’ve had from Bobby saying in 101 that while Buck calls him “pops,” they’re not a family, through Buck telling TK aloud that Bobby’s basically his dad (in the crossover) to Bobby finally admitting this is true for him as well. I’ve pointed out this season repeatedly (like in my 610 meta) that the show’s dealing with questions of fatherhood, including the question of biology in that context, and this ep was no different, yet this truly was one of the highlights for me when it comes to this theme. I love how much Buck and Bobby mean to each other. ~~ 

Buck’s mom saying “your kids” and Buck being confused until she clarifies it’s not his actual children, it’s his students, then his disappointment, that’s one loose end that the ep didn’t wrap up, because that is a continuation of the whole sperm donor situation (with Margaret once more being at the center of confusion on whether Buck is a dad or not). This one is only going to be really addressed once Buck fully deals with his role in Connor and Kameron’s baby’s life, something he can’t properly do until he also faces his role in Christopher’s, a role that this ep really emphasized. No other kids were by Buck’s bed, not even May who has free access as a legal adult and who has now admitted she knows Buck is her step dad’s other kid. Chris needs his Buck in a way that no other firefam kid does. ~~ 

Which brings me to the heart wrenching fate we (and Buck) learn the Diaz boys have suffered in his absence. I have mentioned countless times in my meta posts how important I believe 204 was to Buddie. How critical Buck’s decision to step into Eddie’s mess with him was. Not once, but twice in that ep, first when he helps Eddie by talking to Bobby about Chris spending the day at the station with the 118, then when Buck introduces Eddie to Carla. I have always said Eddie was very attracted (and not just physically) to Buck from the start, but Eddie’s Christopher’s dad first, so he never would have been able to fall for anyone who doesn’t also love his son as much as he does. In other words, I’ve always thought the heart eyes Eddie gives Buck at the end of the Carla introduction scene, that was the moment when he was gone. And now we learn how meaningful Buck himself knows that was. Without that happening, his subconscious just knows Eddie’s parents would have succeeded with their threat of getting Chris away from his dad, leading to Eddie completely falling apart. Buddie's tale is a love story, and this coma revelation is basically the show telling us Buck’s subconscious already knows this. ~~ 

Eddie’s reactions in the real world are also a reflection of how important Buddifer’s little family unit is to all three of them. Keep in mind, even with his therapy, Eddie is still a reserved guy, right? He normally remains calm in the face of adversity, it takes a lot to rattle him, he doesn't easily get to the point where he falls apart emotionally. When he does in this ep, he only allows himself to when his son is looking away. And even then, he just can't go on answering Christopher's questions about Buck's state. So it highlights how important Buck is to Eddie, when the latter DOES fall apart. When he jumps in to take care of Buck on the gurney as it’s wheeled into the hospital. When he shouts at the medical staff. When he looks so wrecked at the hospital, close to what previously it took weeks of insomnia to do to him. When he can’t look at Buck's comatose body or stop himself from crying while he listens to Chris speaking or bring himself to be strong for his son and answer him. And of course, when the reserved Eddie goes against hospital regulations and parental common sense (to keep your kid away from disturbing sights), sneaking his son in to see Buck. But Eddie does it because he gets it. When Chris says he needs to talk to Buck, Eddie knows the full weight of this, because it’s his truth, too. Both Diaz boys need their Buck to wake up. So everything Chris is saying, all the comfort he’s offering, along with the insistence that Buck MUST return to them? He’s speaking for Eddie as well. ~~ 

I also liked that Buck realized during his coma dream two truths that seem, but are not, mutually exclusive: that he does have a family worth going back for, but that ultimately, he’s returning for himself. He’s not trying to please anyone else, he’s not trying to get anyone else’s approval. His adoptive family matters to him, even his bio parents who have failed him repeatedly matter, but at the end of the day, he’s not going back because his loved ones do or don’t need him, do or don’t accept him, do or don’t approve of him. He’s going back because he loves them and he wants to be with them. And that ties in with another thing we see in this ep. 

Bobby describes the coma dream as a world where Buck can fix everything. Buck says not all, seemingly implying he couldn’t bring Bobby back from the dead. But that’s not actually true, is it? 'Coz the coma world is Buck’s subconscious, it can be altered in whatever way he wants. Bobby can be there and talk to him despite being “dead” which means... he’s not really dead, not in the way that makes death so tragic, depriving us of our loved ones. Chris can be at the hospital, despite not being in LA and not knowing Buck. It’s a coma dream, there are no rules! Buck’s subconscious is king! And we know how important it is for Buck to fix things, Eddie pointed it out in 504, and we saw a callback to this just last week. The climax of this ep is even set against the musical backdrop of Coldplay’s Fix You. But this trait stems from Buck feeling like he needs to fix things, to be the hero, in order to be worthy of love. In the coma, Buck realizes he IS loved. And therefore, he doesn’t need to fix EVERYTHING in order to make a difference and be deserving of love. He IS enough, exactly as he is, limited fixing possibilities and all. That’s how he gets to choose both his loved ones and himself in coming back to reality. ~~ 

Oh, can we talk about the heart drawings scene from 514 and how it relates to this ep? I recently answered an ask about it, and pointed out I think Eddie’s heart has been Chris for years now, and for a long time, it was only him. But that scene showed how, thanks to the way Buck has been there for both of them along the years, helping, healing and loving them, Eddie’s heart is no longer exclusively his son. It’s Buck, too. Which explains why the heart theme we’ve been seeing with Eddie since 413 has expanded to include Buck’s in this ep, with Eddie literally restarting it. So 611 really affirms who Eddie’s heart now belongs to. We see how, without Buck, he would have lost Chris as well. Without Buck, he would have lost his whole heart. ~~ 

And that brings us of course to what kind of a person Eddie would be once that happened. We learn he would have become this angry man, drawing on his reaction during the lawsuit story arc. But notice that in both cases, a part of the issue causing Eddie's anger is not having Buck. Yes, back in s3 Eddie was dealing with Shannon’s death, but he doesn’t really start losing it until he also can no longer speak to Buck. Similarly, in the coma dream, he becomes Angry Guy due to the loss of Chris, but that is tied in with the absence of Buck in his life. In other words, losing Buck causes Eddie SUCH grief, that it has no other way out except for rage. ~~ 

Did you notice how once again, Buck got to be Madney’s truth teller? He did that first in 208, when he realized Madney are basically dating. Interestingly, everything he told Maddie about them was also true for him and Eddie. Then in this ep, he tells Chim Madney basically should be married, since they already share every other part of domestic and committed life. Obviously this will come into play soon. So just remember that once again, his words can be easily applied to Buddifer as well, plus Buck’s truth teller status was paralleled back in s2 with Maddie in 204, when she asked her brother about his newfound boy crush on Eddie... ~~ 

Okay, last one, but I just had to share with you maybe my fave parallel from this ep. You might have noticed in my 610 meta how much I think the lightning stroke parallels the shooting arc. Well, this was true with one of the sweetest moments in the ep’s conclusion. Just like how, at the end of 414, we got to witness Eddie hugging Chris while Buck watched on, so we get to see Buck hugging their son while Eddie looks on now. Except Eddie isn’t just looking. He enables the hug by helping Chris into Buck’s arms. Tell me again: how is this not a family? How are these men not partners, dedicated and loving towards each other in every way that matters...? ~~ 

Please enjoy direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Endlessly thankful to @whosoldherout​, who​ blows my mind away every week with her hard work and beautiful gifs for my meta. Tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on far too little sleep in order to get this posted quickly, so I can't explain how much any and all encouragement matters to me. Thank you! xoxox

[bengiyo]

Perfect Propose Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we started with Hiro, an overworked office grunt who probably works for a black company passing out on the street in exhaustion. His childhood friend Kai appeared, saying he wanted to make good on their promise to marry. Kai is dealing with his own difficulties and needed a place to stay, and has begun taking care of Hiro, going so far as to jerk him off to help him sleep once. We learned that Kai has not had an easy go of it. We left on Hiro failing to make it to the festival on time to get food with Kai.

This is such a great opening. Hiro is disappointed, and is more upset that Kai isn’t mad about this. We know that Kai was looking forward to this because he bought the fish tank, but he’s downplaying any disappointment for Hiro’s benefit. He went to the festival and got the food Hiro said he liked, but Hiro really wanted to share in an activity with Kai. I love that he’s berating himself for all the things he could have done to keep his promise instead.

Never getting over the office chairs being the same color as Hiro’s couch. It makes his home look uncomfortable.

I thought that was Tominago Kayoko’s actress for a second.

Hate that they always eat their lunches at their desks.

Not sure what the chef’s son’s beef is with Kai, but it feels personal.

I do love that Hiro is processing what’s happening with his and Kai’s reactions to all of this.

“Be conscious of it.” I will be thinking about this for the rest of the weekend. I love Kai so much. “You’re straight so I won’t cross that boundary, but you make things difficult when you show me this level of regard,” is a place I find myself in a lot.

I love when broody boys are suddenly happy. “In the end you’re going to be mine.” I love him so much.

Oh, looks like my little anxious man is going to be a drunk mess next week.

I absolutely love this show. I like that we have two adult characters that are already jaded by their circumstances and are desperately reaching out to each other as a lifeline. I love that the coworkers all immediately worried when Watari regressed back to his original self. I’m so looking forward to him confronting the idea that he “works too slowly” as he tries to face Kai. I was talking with @lurkingshan about how much she likes that BL characters are now asking for time to think instead of just rejecting someone, because for me I love that Kai accepts that “thinking about it” just means “getting used to it.” Kai asked Hiro to be conscious about his feelings. He does want to do activities with Hiro, but he’s also not going to pretend he isn’t a gay man living with the man he loves. If Hiro wants to be closer to him, Kai is going to want to be physically close to Hiro as well, even if that’s just sharing the bed and sleeping with his back to Hiro.

[dulcewrites]

I’m actually curious to see if, and honestly hope, in s2 (whenever that may come out. Studios pay your writers and actors) we get some sort of callback or allusion to the rumor that Jacaerys tried to convert Cregan from the old gods to the faith of the seven.

Not because I care about the gods, outside the religious symbolism they bring. I only want to see people’s reactions. Namely the ones who act as if Alicent is the first woman to ever openly practice the faith. Because I have a feeling those same people will paint Jace possibly doing that as endearing versus Alicent who gets painted as a monster for her connection to the faith. The most we see Alicent doing a redecorating her home. Mind you, not even every room because you can clearly see the tacky tapestries in Viserys’ room in ep 8. Plus we see her praying and wearing religious iconography. Things that are not out of the ordinary… at all. She’s honestly your textbook highborn noble woman during that time. She was born and raised in Oldtown ffs. What is she supposed to follow if not the faith💀

She gets seen as this horrible zealot out to destroy the Targaryens through the faith, and to me that is just indicative on how badly people misinterpret Alicent’s feelings/motivations.

People can have their problems with the writing in hotd. I know there are certain things I have problems with myself. But when can we start being honest about how a lot of the conversations that are regurgitated and argued about day after day have less to do with the writing, and more to do with bad faith viewing. People are watching to see what they want to see, not what is actually in front of them.

Anyone with an objective view of Alicent would be able to tell how much she clings to the faith for salvation and hope. She does it to feel close to her mother, and very kindly/cautiously tries to help Rhaenyra with that too. She then reaffirms her faith after 1. She (imo justifiably) loses her shit at Driftmark and feels guilty about it, and 2. Has to marry her children to each other. Something she expresses thinking is immoral in the past. We even see her cut her hair, more than likely as a means of punishment and repentance. She’s miserable and has very few lifelines to hold onto.

How that gets twisted into her being a bigot because she doesn’t want to see dragons having orgies on her walls is beyond me.

Also the idea she is trying to bring down House Targaryen is nuts, but also laughable. Because between her and her actual Targaryen husband, Alicent is the one affirming her childrens’ Targaryen heritage. She makes sure Aemond knows he will get a dragon one day. She makes sure Aegon gets Blackfyre and his namesake’s crown. It seems like Aemond, and more than likely her other kids, know Valyrian. Ironically, the most anti targ (and frankly valid) sentiments we get are from Viserys. He speaks on the doom, fears what is to come, and how they never should have messed with dragons.

Alicent ‘let the people remember the ancient strength of House Targaryen’ Hightower is not the Baelor y’all want her to be. And if she was, it would’ve worked in her favor more. People tend to leave out the part where the most beloved Targaryens (by their people) were partly that because of their connection to the faith. Ya know the thing Targaryens also practice.

[kithtaehyung]

— broken (LP) ; a three tangerines limited play

🎼 tracklist: amygdala - agust d // she's in the rain - the rose // like i need u - keshi // star - colde // lesson zero - epik high // twin flame - machine gun kelly // lifeline - the rose ++ others.

🎧 note: so... here it is. these are songs that fit the mood of 3tan11. lyrics may or may not matter, but this is also the limited play (LP) for now. the extended play (EP) will be released after the chapter drops. as with every post i make about this chapter.. pls give me strength. 📷 src: one

⟶ press play

[alicentsultana]

Look MAYBE and i say MAYBE Criston and Aemond talk doesnt have to suck.

Maybe Criston instead of being a backstabbing traitor will try to play mediator .

I'm clinging to it like a lifeline.

I actually fear hbo's potential to throw their characters consistency to hell but let's actually hope for it to not be true.

I paid some attention to Aemond's character development, and he seems furious and very upset (and who wouldn't be?), so I believe he and Alicent are stressed and he's snapping at her because of everything, so let's just hope this is a phase? Especially post b&c, and he's kind off venting to Criston, he's there to listen, or even just talk him out of it.

Also, he's seeing his brother changing, and he's probably having some kind of jealousy over it. Aegon is stepping up, doing his job, governing, capably so. Maybe he's also doubting and questioning himself. Adding it all up to everything.

Criston is a character of integrity, he wouldn't turn his back to Alicent, even raising in position, that's not who he is, and he visibly has a lot of respect for her, beyond their ship, they are a unit of sorts, it's very clear in the last ep (and the deleted scripts).

[unissonmag]

FLASH: LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN

Avec sa voix claire, Neve Bowen se livre sans concession sur son nouvel EP Lifeline… et c’est profondément touchée par sa voix et ses mots que je livre ici ma review de son EP. LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN L’exercice auquel la jeune Londonienne de 19 ans, Neve Bowen, se livre n’est pas simple, mais d’une beauté et d’une douceur sans égale. Le titre phare, Lifeline, est en équilibre entre ombre et…

[ltash]

Forever

Ep-3 " By your side" SimonGhostRileyxFemaleReader

I love you more than words can express"

Days turned into months as Andrea and Simon's friendship grew stronger. Despite the ongoing challenges at Simon's home, they found solace and support in each other's company. Andrea often heard Mr. Riley's angry outbursts and the distressing cries of Simon and Tommy echoing from their house. It pained her deeply to witness their suffering, but she remained steadfast in her determination to help them.

One evening, as Andrea sat in her room, she heard raised voices and sounds of a struggle coming from Simon's house. Without hesitation, she rushed outside and followed the noise. She found Simon running towards her, his arms marked with bruises and cigarette burns.

"Andrea, we need to get out of here," Simon pleaded, his voice trembling with fear and anger.

Andrea took his arm gently, her heart breaking at the sight of his injuries. "Come with me," she said firmly, leading him to her house.

Inside, Andrea inspected Simon's wounds with tears in her eyes. "Simon, this has to stop. No one should have to endure this."

Simon clenched his fists, his face contorted with pain and rage. "I can't take it anymore. He's out of control."

Andrea hugged him tightly, offering what little comfort she could. "We'll figure this out, Simon. My mom and I will help you. You're not alone in this."

Just then, Andrea's mother, Caroline, entered the room, concern etched on her face. She took in Simon's injuries and Andrea's distressed expression.

"Caroline, we have to do something," Andrea said urgently. "Simon and Tommy can't stay there any longer. Mr. Riley is hurting them."

Caroline nodded solemnly, her resolve firm. "We'll call the authorities. Simon, Tommy, you both can stay here tonight. Tomorrow, we'll make sure you're safe."

Simon nodded gratefully, tears streaming down his face. "Thank you, Mrs. Shepherd. Thank you both."

Caroline hugged him gently. "You're part of our family now, Simon. We'll protect you."

That night, Simon and Tommy found refuge at Andrea's home, finally experiencing a sense of safety they hadn't known in a long time. The next day, Caroline followed through on her promise, contacting the authorities and initiating the process to ensure Simon, Tommy, and their mother were protected from further harm.

Andrea led Simon to the kitchen, her grip firm yet gentle as she held his hand. Tommy remained in the living room, unaware of the turmoil unfolding between his brother and their father. In the quiet of the kitchen, Andrea's heart ached as she inspected Simon's arm, her eyes filling with tears at the sight of bruises and cigarette burns.

"Where else did he hurt you?" Andrea asked softly, her voice trembling with emotion.

Simon hesitated for a moment before lifting his shirt, revealing belt marks crisscrossing his back. Andrea gasped, her hand covering her mouth in shock and sorrow. She gently touched the marks, her touch a silent promise of solidarity and support.

"I am with you, Simon," she whispered, her voice filled with determination. "You don't have to go through this alone."

Simon looked at Andrea, his eyes brimming with gratitude and relief. For so long, he had carried the weight of their father's abuse in silence, believing there was no way out. Andrea's unwavering support gave him a glimmer of hope-a belief that together, they could find a way to end the cycle of violence.

They stood in the kitchen, united by shared pain and newfound courage. Andrea's presence brought a sense of calm amidst the storm raging in Simon's life. With her by his side, he felt less afraid, more determined to protect himself and Tommy from further harm.

"Thank you, Andrea," Simon whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

Andrea hugged him tightly, offering silent comfort and reassurance. In that moment, their bond deepened beyond friendship-it became a lifeline, a beacon of hope in the darkness.

With Andrea's courageous intervention and the involvement of the authorities, Mr. Riley was finally confronted with the consequences of his actions. The authorities issued a warning, making it clear that any further incidents of abuse would result in severe consequences for him. This warning served as a stern reminder that his behavior was unacceptable and that Simon, Tommy, and their mother had legal protection against further harm.

In the days that followed, there was a tense calm in the neighborhood. Mr. Riley's outbursts became less frequent, and Simon and Tommy no longer lived in constant fear within their own home. Andrea and her family continued to offer support, ensuring that Simon and Tommy had a safe haven whenever they needed it.

Simon and Tommy started to rebuild their lives, slowly recovering from the trauma they had endured. With ongoing support from counselors and legal advocates, they began to heal emotionally and psychologically. Andrea remained a steadfast friend, providing encouragement and companionship through their journey of recovery.

The warning from the authorities marked a turning point for Simon, Tommy, and their mother. It was a step towards reclaiming their sense of security and peace, knowing that they had allies who were committed to their well-being. Andrea's bravery had not only protected her friends but had also shown them the power of speaking up against injustice and standing together in solidarity.

Andrea's heart weighed heavy with concern as she observed Simon and Tommy withdrawing into themselves, their once vibrant spirits dampened by the shadows of their father's abuse. She noticed the subtle changes-the diminishing smiles, the quiet conversations that trailed off into silence. It was clear to her that there was more pain hidden beneath the surface, more than they had shared with her so far.

She recalled the days when Simon's laughter echoed through the halls of their school, and Tommy's mischievous grin lit up their shared moments. Now, those moments seemed distant, replaced by an atmosphere of fear and apprehension.

Andrea knew that breaking the cycle of abuse wasn't just about physical wounds-it was about the emotional scars that ran deep. She had seen the effects firsthand: the way Simon flinched at sudden movements, the guarded look in Tommy's eyes when their father was mentioned. Their suffering was etched into their every gesture, every word left unspoken.

As she sat with them in quiet moments, Andrea wondered how she could help them heal. She wanted to offer them a safe haven, a refuge where they could rediscover the joy and security they had lost. But she also knew that healing would take time, patience, and the courage to confront the pain they had endured.

Andrea made a silent vow to herself: she would be there for Simon and Tommy, no matter how long it took. She would listen to their unspoken words, hold their hands through the darkest moments, and remind them that they were not alone. Together, they would navigate the path towards healing, reclaiming their happiness and rebuilding their shattered spirits, one step at a time.

Andrea sat with Mrs. Riley, her heart heavy with the weight of the revelation. The room felt suffocating as Mrs. Riley bravely recounted the years of abuse Simon had endured since he was just eight years old. Tears welled up in Andrea's eyes as she listened to the horrifying details of Mr. Riley's cruelty.

"He brought snakes while Simon was asleep and woke him up to show him," Mrs. Riley revealed, her voice trembling with emotion. "He's always had a way of instilling fear in him, making him feel powerless."

Andrea's hands clenched into fists, anger and sadness intertwining within her. She struggled to comprehend the depth of Simon's suffering, the trauma inflicted on him at such a young age. The image of a frightened child being confronted with snakes in the dead of night haunted her thoughts.

"I'm so sorry," Andrea whispered, her voice barely above a whisper. "No one should have to endure that kind of torment."

Mrs. Riley nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I tried to protect them, Andrea. But he's always been so... unpredictable. I didn't know what else to do."

Andrea reached out, squeezing Mrs. Riley's hand in a gesture of solidarity. "You're not alone in this anymore. We will help Simon and Tommy get through this. They deserve a life free from fear."

Mrs. Riley nodded gratefully, finding solace in Andrea's words. Together, they sat in silence, the weight of their shared determination to end the cycle of abuse hanging heavy in the air.

Andrea's heart resonated deeply with Mrs. Riley's plight, having experienced her own share of family upheaval. Her parents' divorce, driven by a lack of love and understanding between them, had left its mark on Andrea's childhood. She understood firsthand the pain of a broken family and the challenges it brought.

Her mother had been her pillar of strength, fighting for custody and providing Andrea with stability and love in the aftermath of the divorce. Together, they had forged a new life, finding solace in each other's company and creating a peaceful home environment.

Reflecting on her own experiences, Andrea felt a kinship with Simon and Tommy, knowing all too well the emotional scars left by fractured family dynamics. She was determined to be a source of support and understanding for them, drawing from her own resilience in overcoming adversity.

As she sat with Mrs. Riley, sharing their stories and offering comfort, Andrea found a sense of purpose in helping others navigate through their own trials. She knew that healing would take time and effort, but she was committed to standing alongside Simon, Tommy, and Mrs. Riley, guiding them towards a future where they could find peace and happiness once more.

As the school year drew to a close, anticipation for the prom buzzed through the hallways like electricity. Simon and Tommy sat on a bench after their exams, discussing their plans for the summer ahead. Andrea, with her effortless grace, approached them, a determined glint in her eye.

"Aye, Simon!" she called out cheerfully. "The school prom is coming up. Are you up for it?"

Simon, ever the reserved one when it came to social events, shook his head. "I don't participate in any function," he replied, his voice tinged with reluctance.

Andrea's smile didn't falter. "Oh, but I would love for you to go with me," she insisted, her tone gentle yet persuasive.

Simon couldn't help but feel a surge of surprise and excitement. "What? Really?" he asked, turning to face her with a hopeful expression.

"Yes, really," Andrea affirmed, her smile widening. "It'll be fun. Come on, Simon, make an exception this time."

Simon hesitated, a familiar sense of discomfort creeping in. "But... I don't have a dress to wear to prom," he admitted, his voice trailing off.

Andrea chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "That's an easy fix. We'll find you something great to wear. It doesn't have to be fancy."

Tommy, always ready to tease his younger brother, leaned in with a mischievous grin. "Come on, Simon! You can't say no to Andrea. It's the prom!"

Simon glanced at Tommy, then back at Andrea, his defenses slowly crumbling under their combined enthusiasm. He sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Okay, fine. I'll go."

Andrea clapped her hands lightly in excitement, her joy infectious. "Great! It's a date then. We'll make sure you look amazing."

Tommy chuckled, nudging Simon playfully. "I'll help you find a killer outfit, bro."

Simon nodded, feeling a mix of nervousness and anticipation building within him. Andrea's unwavering encouragement had a way of melting his reservations, and he couldn't deny the warmth he felt knowing she wanted him by her side at the prom.

As the weeks passed and the prom drew nearer, Simon found himself caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. The thought of attending a social event like the prom both thrilled and unnerved him. Yet, Andrea's invitation had sparked a curiosity and excitement within him that he couldn't quite shake off.

With Tommy's enthusiastic support, the brothers embarked on a mission to find the perfect suit for Simon. It was a rare occasion for them to spend time together outside of school or their home environment, and the experience of trying on different outfits became a bonding moment they both cherished.

Tommy, ever the fashion enthusiast despite their limited means, delighted in helping Simon explore various styles and colors. They joked and debated over each outfit, sharing laughs and snippets of brotherly banter. Simon, usually reserved and quiet, found himself opening up more in his brother's company, sharing thoughts and even cracking a few jokes of his own.

"You've got to look sharp for Andrea," Tommy teased, adjusting the collar of a navy blue suit jacket on Simon. "Can't have her regretting asking you to the prom."

Simon rolled his eyes playfully but couldn't suppress a smile. "I'm sure she'll regret it once she sees me trip over my own feet on the dance floor."

"Nah, you'll be fine," Tommy reassured him with a grin. "Besides, who cares about dancing when you've got the best-looking suit in the room?"

Their banter continued as they moved from one suit to another, trying to find the balance between style and comfort. Through it all, Simon appreciated Tommy's unwavering support and the opportunity to bond over something as simple yet meaningful as choosing a suit for the prom.

As the day of the prom approached, Simon felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement building within him. He couldn't deny that he was looking forward to spending time with Andrea and experiencing something new outside of their usual routine. And with Tommy by his side, he knew he had the support he needed to step out of his comfort zone and embrace the upcoming event with enthusiasm.

[certifiedsoundwavesimp]

Why hello everyone again-

*Phone rings* I'm sorry what? Uh huh, yeah... It's true???? What !!?? Ok ok thank you very much.

"Puts phone down*

Ok evryone, I just got very important intel from HQ. Take a look at this:

Transformers EarthSpark Ep 16 deleted scenes: Prison Blues

I'm sorry, WHAT???!!!

We could have had more Soundwave screen time??? More Soundwave/ravage reunion???

This is absolutely ridiculous. My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined .

As a certified Soundwave simp, this breaks me and my cold spark. I'm appalled.

I swear, the way earfspark is going right now, it might be the downfall of tfe . All these deleted scenes could have been a turning point, a lifeline . But NOOOOOO WE MUST NOT GIVE RAVAGE BACK TO SOUNDWAVE OR MAKE RAVAGE MOON WALK BC WE DONT NEED THAT AT ALL, AND NOOOOOO WE DONT NEED STARSCREAM AND SOUNDWAVE TALKING AND COMMUNICATING . AT ALL.

I'm mad . No talk me I angy

[disease]

PETRIFIED ENEMY // LIFELINE [LIFELINE EP, 2023]