#ep. lifeline

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Gift, Pt. 3

Teyla discusses her dreams with Heightmeyer, and apparently they talk for quite a while. We get several scenes between them and because Teyla keeps having nightmares that confuse dream and reality, it is difficult to keep track of the actual timeline of the events. They do have several sessions, and they seem to have them at all hours of the day (and night). It's interesting that her 'gift' seems to be made into an allegory of homosexuality kind of like the X-Men in the 1990s (in how people fear and hate anything that is different):

Heightmeyer: Do many of your people have this ability? Teyla: Some. Among those few, some can sense the Wraith stronger than others. I have always been among the first to know they are coming. Heightmeyer: That makes you special. How does that make you feel? Teyla: I do not know. I suppose I have not given it much thought. Heightmeyer: Why not? Teyla: Why do some people have blue eyes and others brown?

Given that the motif of this episode is her attempting to deal with this thing that has made her different from her people from childhood onward, the fact that she is paralleled with McKay so hard in this particular episode is rather telling. Earlier, Teyla had a discussion with Beckett about this thing that has made her different being genetic in nature. In other words, she was born this way. They drive the point in further:

Heightmeyer: The truth is, people waste a lot of time trying to interpret their dreams. They're really just another way our brain thinks when we're asleep. There are no hidden meanings. In fact, we tend to forget most everything we dream about. Our conscious mind is capable of deciding what's most important to us. Teyla: Well, the fact that on some level I see myself as a Wraith is very disturbing to me. Heightmeyer: I think this special ability that you have, this talent for sensing the Wraith, connects you to them in your mind--maybe in a way you would like to deny. You said you hadn't really given it much thought in the past--I don't think that's true. Teyla: What am I supposed to do? I cannot change it. Heightmeyer: Probably not--but the unknown frightens us. We all like to feel in control, even though most of the time our power over most things is just an illusion. But I find the more we know about something, the more we can convince ourselves we are in control of it.

Encouraged by her conversation with Heightmeyer she decides to dig deeper into her past, visiting the mainland to speak with one of their elders. She learns some Athosian wraith lore and we then find her sitting in Weir's office, telling Weir and Sheppard about her discoveries.

Sheppard has apparently returned from the Alpha Site, and again we don't know when or what he has been doing in the meantime. Where Teyla and Weir are seated on the opposite sides of her desk, he is standing by the side of the door facing Teyla, arms folded, kind of behind Weir but twisted in a way that he actually manages to have his body (especially his pelvis) turned away from the both of them. All I'm saying is that it defies all laws of probability that this keeps happening by chance or accident. Acting choices are being made.

Given what we later learn about Sheppard's past later (both with regards to his father and what happened in Afghanistan), Sheppard has a curious reaction to the thought of people being sent away from their homes:

Teyla is sharing all of this with Weir because she feels that the leader of the expedition needs to know about this fascinating new information she has learned, and Sheppard is there as her superior. And to his credit, Sheppard is taking her side, being the supportive leader that he is clearly intending to be at this time. He does seem very concerned, listening to her. Not so much over the content of her story as the fact that she is so agitated over it. To him, he explicitly tells us in the following scene, this is about trying to help her put this behind her so that she can sleep, so that they all can sleep. It's not that she believes her or even cares if what she says is true, it's that he can see it's bothering her and figures this might help.

Sheppard still seems to be deferring to Weir's leadership, allowing her to call the shots even though this is becoming more and more a purely military matter. Here, he offers Weir only his advice while taking the side of his team member. He also only looks at Weir out of the corner of his eye, doesn't properly turn to look at her once. Further, he is starting to feel desperate enough that he is willing to grasp at any straws he can reach. He does not let it show because it doesn't help their situation at all but because he (just like McKay) realizes much better than most how much trouble they are in, he is really quite distressed. He is hanging on by a thread. The desperation is starting to creep in.

Teyla: I have the address to the planet where this happened. Charan says the village is long gone. All that is left are ruins but still, I wish to go there. Weir: Now? Teyla: I believe this must be coming to light now for a reason. Maybe we can find evidence of what really happened. Weir: Look, Teyla, there are a lot of things that we need to get done. Teyla: Maybe there is a way to fight the Wraith that we have yet to discover. Perhaps my ancestors were simply not enlightened enough to recognise their gift for what it was. Sheppard: Doesn't hurt to take a look around.

Now, Weir is absolutely correct in pointing out that they have so many better things to be doing right now. Sheppard has more important things to be doing, and he also takes McKay on this mission who definitely has more important things to be doing. The fact that Sheppard agrees to this when he is clearly expecting them to find nothing at all on the planet, basically a fool's quest, just tells us how important he finds it that Teyla gets some sleep. And Teyla getting some sleep is important to him because McKay getting some sleep is not only important to him personally, which it is, but is also important for the whole damn expedition. So he's willing to try pretty much anything at this point.

And so, the team find themselves on a nameless alien planet on a dark and stormy night.

We follow Ford who passes McKay, bent over looking at something and Sheppard is standing right behind him, seeming to be looking up at something. Definitely not looking at that behind. But he is, again, turned toward McKay, his eyes taking a tour by McKay as he turns to Ford. While Teyla and McKay appear to be looking around, Sheppard and Ford are just waiting for them to get done with it. In this, Teyla and McKay are again paralleled.

Ford doesn't see the point in being here any more than Weir did:

Ford: Sir, there's nothing here. Sheppard: I know. Ford: Well, it's dark. Shouldn't we be getting back? Sheppard: Give her a minute. Ford: Sir... Sheppard: Ford, I need her to put this behind her; get some sleep. We all do, so whatever it takes.

Make note how Sheppard draws Ford's attention to Teyla, gesturing at her to get Ford to look at her. And what does he do while he has Ford's attention on her? He looks back at McKay. His attention is so firmly on McKay that Ford actually has to to address him ('Sir?') to get him back to the conversation he thought they were having. Sheppard tells him that he needs Teyla to get this behind her (something Freudian perhaps in his choice of words given that McKay had his backside to him) but this scene, here, just tells us that while he is talking about Teyla, it is McKay that is Sheppard's first priority and actual source of concern. Yes, he likes looking at McKay at any and all times. But here, he isn't doing it just because that's where his eyes are drawn but because he is worried about the man. He is worried, and clearly distracted by his concern.

The thing is, Sheppard never expected to find anything on this planet or for these folk tales Teyla had heard among the Athosians to contribute anything to their coming stand against the wraith. His only motivation for bringing the entire team was to help Teyla put what ever is bothering her behind her so that she could get some sleep. He is so worried about her that he is willing to do "whatever it takes". They all need to get some sleep, he says. We haven't heard of Ford having any trouble getting rest, so it's doubtful the "all" here encompasses him. Members of the military have often developed strategies on getting sufficient rest even under battle field conditions so out of everyone on the expedition, they are the least likely to suffer lack of sleep at this time. Sheppard, of course, is among them and given that we have seen him sleep sitting on a chair previously, he probably is capable of sleeping under dire circumstances. But he says "we", counting himself among the people that needs to get some sleep. So what is the thing that's keeping him from getting sufficient sleep?

Sheppard's "we all" explicitly includes Teyla but it also very much seems to include McKay if only because Sheppard heard him complain about not having slept during the meeting. Likewise, we found McKay seeing Heightmeyer where Sheppard directed Teyla to speak with her about her trouble sleeping which allows for us to speculate that he might have done the same with McKay. And yes, McKay getting some sleep is important to everyone at this critical moment. But only a more intimate experience of McKay not sleeping well would explain Sheppard's own need to get some sleep. Crying ourselves to sleep is what McKay said. Trying to sleep next to someone that is having frequent nightmares would keep you from getting rest.

Sheppard can barely keep his eyes off of McKay for the duration of the explanation he gives Ford, returning to look at him on "what ever it takes". While they are on this planet for Teyla, Sheppard's concern is still mostly for McKay. His attention is mostly on McKay. His "what ever it takes" is clearly first and foremost for McKay. The way he looks at him here, brief though it is, is so loving that it leaves little room for doubt as to who Sheppard is really doing all of this for.

He doesn't let McKay see it, though, looking away as McKay turns and approaches him. He pretends to look up at the sky (again) for that short moment that McKay is facing him but as soon as he turns again, Sheppard returns his eyes on him. Then, he speaks his name either because McKay had just been not saying anything longer than he likes or because he noticed just from his body-language that McKay had discovered something (and Sheppard starts saying his name even before McKay raises his head so he is finely attuned to McKay's body-language):

Sheppard: Rodney? McKay: I've got something here. Ford: Really? McKay: I don't know...

McKay trails off, clearly trying to figure something out. It frustrates Sheppard when McKay doesn't use his words, when he doesn't explain things to him. He has such a need to share in his world. We see him trying to look over McKay's shoulder to see what he's looking at on his "magic Ancient device" and not for the last time. Then, we get another curious reference to their private life that is played out mainly through Sheppard's expressions:

McKay: I've got a little... Ford: You've got a little what? Hey, McKay, you've got a little what?! What? Oh, it's OK when you guys make fun of me!

I already discussed this scene in connection with The Brotherhood (S01E16). It shows us that Ford has misinterpreted Sheppard with regards to his attitude and general treatment of McKay.

There are several times that someone says something that kind of makes McKay the butt-end of a joke and we get a reaction shot from Ford. Often, it's Sheppard saying something to provoke a reaction out of McKay because he needs to have McKay's attention on himself pretty much all of the time (and because Ford looks up to his leader, it's only natural for him to want to emulate this behaviour), but it's not just Sheppard either. He finds it amusing when people poke fun at McKay, all mostly in good cheer.

Now, I don't think Ford dislikes McKay. They're just very different people and Ford does not seem to have enough life-experience to understand someone like McKay, to appreciate them as anything more than the magic science man. Back when they were playing the math game (Hot Zone (S01E12), Ford being made fun of mostly by Zelenka, he turns on him and says: "This is some sort of pay-back for guys like me beating up guys like you in high school, right?" He may or may not have actually done this when he was in a high school--he was clearly airing out his frustration when he said this--but there does seem to be some kind of a jock vs. nerd dynamic in his mind when it comes to the military and the science corps of the expedition. And he fully expects Sheppard to participate in this dynamic too, especially because the way he has interpreted things, Sheppard is constantly poking fun at McKay.

Only, Sheppard doesn't feel that way about scientists at all. We just heard him wax poetic in the defense of science in the meeting, expressing his belief that science can turn the tide of war. Science is what has put him into the sky and later into another whole damn galaxy so yes, he appreciates science and scientists even if he had no personal stake in them. And he very much does have a personal stake in one scientist in particular.

Here, Ford says "It's okay when you guys do it to me." But the thing is, we haven't really seen either of them make fun of Ford. In fact, Sheppard and McKay's interpersonal relationship is so insulated that it is difficult for anyone to interrupt their unending back-and-forth with each other. They don't pay attention to other people when they are around each other. And this is precisely the problem. It makes people around them feel like they are outsiders, like they're not a part of something. In fact, Ford referring to them as "you guys" just emphasizes the fact that even he thinks of the two of them forming a unit he is not a part of.

It seems obvious that Ford would like to be a part of their banter, would like to be on the inside. When he says "when you guys make fun of me" even though they don't really make fun of him, it's a kind of projection. He wishes they made fun of him with the same ease and affection that they do each other (even though making fun is not really what they have been doing with each other at all). He wants to be liked and respected by his superior and hence attempts to emulate what he thinks Sheppard so frequently does.

But as stated, Sheppard does not make fun of McKay. He teases McKay. His motivation has never been to belittle him in front of other people but to have his attention, to point out things he has noticed about McKay because he finds them endearing, to try to connect with him. People frequently misinterpret what Sheppard intends (an egregious example is the Superman incident in The Storm, S01E09; to Sheppard Rodney McKay is very much a hero) because, due to his inability to freely express his feelings, he often has to disguise genuine statements in layers sarcasm and flippancy. The more he cares about something the more he has to pretend like it is meaningless. He truly and honestly believes that his love is lethal so the more important something is to him the more has to project not caring like that would protect the object of his affection from the horrible fate he is inviting upon them. John Sheppard is messed up, is the thing. And not everyone can see through his façade--most people, in fact.

So, not only has it never been Sheppard's intention to make fun of McKay, we have seen, especially recently, that he is extremely protective of him. He cares about McKay a whole hell of a lot, regardless of how you interpret their relationship. Even in this very episode it is at least implied that McKay's inability to sleep plays a great part in motivating everything Sheppard does. Sheppard has killed actual people (including one innocent civilian) to protect McKay so suffice it to say that it's a pretty important thing to him. He was never going to join in on this with Ford. But more than that, Ford is making fun of McKay's manhood, his dick. It's crass, yes. It's against the bro-code. But it's also probably the worst possible topic to make fun of that you could pick with Sheppard. He can appreciate a good dick-pun but he has no sense of humour about that.

One, we are hinted multiple times over the seasons that McKay is well-endowed (and make note that even in this scene, he doesn't even notice the whole thing; he has so little complexes relating to his size that he's completely unfazed like the thought doesn't even occur to him that someone might be implying something like that) which is also something that Sheppard appreciates (again, whale dick, Echoes S03E12). Second, by this time Sheppard is not only well-acquainted with his dick, it is one of his favourite things. There's like a 50/50 chance that he's seen McKay's dick more recently than he has seen his own during this scene. Sheppard takes this personally, and he is well-within his rights in doing so. Ford would never have made a disparaging comment about Sheppard's own manhood because he looks up to him so much but it's entirely possible that would have been less offensive to him than that.

So anyway. In this scene, the fact that Sheppard is protective of Rodney McKay's dick is textualized. But because the dialogue is so fascinating, it's easy to miss the way Sheppard was looking at McKay just before he heard and/or got what Ford was saying. Again, with McKay having his back to him, he's so openly and nakedly looking at him. That man is so hopelessly in love with McKay, there is such yearning in his gaze. If we learned anything from the previous episode is that he knows now that he loves him but that he is afraid to speak its name. He knows that McKay can read things off of his face and it seems like this love is something that he doesn't want him to know about, doesn't want him to see. Because what if McKay looked at him the same way? What if he didn't look at him the same way? If he is turning into a teenage girl here it's only because he has never been in love like this before.

Sheppard just walks away from Ford without deigning him with an answer. And ford a second time, he calls Rodney by his name having again reverted to the thing where he communicates with him by only saying his name in different tones and expecting McKay to understand what he means by each iteration of his name.

Sheppard follows McKay and Teyla toward the rock face and, again, as McKay is turned away, he looks at him as he passes. He briefly feels up the solid rock wall, turns around and walks right back to McKay because apparently he really needs to be looking at what ever readings McKay has on his device like he could help figure them out. Or, you know. For some reason when ever he wants McKay to figure something out he needs to be up in his personal space, heads bent together real close.

Teyla seems to vanish inside a wall of solid rock, leaving the rest of them on the outside wondering what the hell just happened. Sheppard is worried about her since they seem to be unable to get to her. McKay tells him "Maybe she got a good running start--you know, really slam into it."

And while Sheppard looks really concerned as he turns back, this has even been described as a "black look" ("Sheppard gives McKay a black look") in many transcripts which, sure. But that's not the look he gives McKay, it's the look he has on him as he turns around. As soon as his mind registers what McKay actually said, he raises his brow like this isn't the time to be thinking about slamming into things. It's subtle, but he definitely caught the reference he thought McKay was making.

This seems similar to what happened back on the planet Dagan in The Brotherhood (S01E16) where McKay made an innocent comment that Sheppard interpreted as a double entendre. And here he is, leaning against a wall with his palms pressed against it and this man is talking about really slamming into it. We will see better examples of this in the future, McKay completely oblivious to how Sheppard hears what he says because his mind, no matter how dire the situation, is on sex. When McKay is around. The most hilarious example of this is in Lifeline (S04E02) when they are on the actual replicator homeworld, on the kind of mission where sex should really be the furthest thing from one's mind. And yet:

McKay: OK, let's jack it up, see how far we can penetrate. Sheppard: "Penetrate"? McKay: What?

Man. Buddy. Pal. Sheppard. Please get some chill.

So anyway, with Sheppard pushing his ass out toward McKay in a shot that is not suggestive of anything at all they stumble into an abandoned wraith lab, and the fabulous mystery deepens.

Continued in Pt. 4

[gavramous]

t4t ghoap.... t4t ghoap *punches the wall so hard my entire fist shatters*

[choccorin]

oh my god .. he's one highlighter tall ...

[mayoiayasep]

Se we got.

Bae being missing

Allen in the middle of a mental breakdown

Nayuta about to disappear

Satsuki and Kanata are both pissed bc Allen promised them

Haruomi is. In the building

Fake buraikan are on stage

Ryu is reacting to the metal bc he can. Sense it

Anything I'm missing. Jesus christ

hajun character development🎉🎉

[xxvinwestley]

rip the mfs that hced izzy as a non-drinker

(its me im mfs)

[unissonmag]

FLASH: LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN

With her crystal-clear voice, Neve Bowen is offering her soul to all on her new EP Lifeline…. and it’s deeply moved by both her voice and her words, that I publish my review for her EP. LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN The exercise the 19-year-old Londoner, Neve Bowen, gets into is far from being simple, all done with an intricate softness. The main track, Lifeline, is the balance between light and…

[omarcitoloves]

simon has lost everything that made wille fall in love with him and wille doesn't even notice.

it's a heartbreaking story to watch but in a brilliant way i'm fixated on it. and not in a simon deserves better than wille way but in a they both need to find themselves again in order to be happy.

simon is proud of his morals and who he is as a person, he's never been apologetic of it and wants people to know because it is deeply important to him to have a strong self identity in a world where he comes from a broken home, where he's gay, where he's lower socioeconomic class, where he's poc in a hugely white community, and where he has leftist ideals in a monarchist country. when wille tells him he can't post on socials because it reflects on something the crown can't have a position on, he feels he's losing his voice. and all wille can see is trying to minimize a headache.

singing has been simon's lifeline throughout the show, and something thats important to him because it is one of the good memories he has with his dad. when wille sees he posted himself singing all he can see is simon drawing more attention, it needs to be deleted. he doesn't even comment on simon's singing or let alone the lyrics which they make it seem he clocks what simon is saying this season as apposed to last but he's too focused on himself.

and then when simon admits to wille outside he feels he's losing his voice and confidence, everything has become too much. he can't enjoy singing, he's not pursuing a solo this season for the first time and he can hardly string together his song. but it goes over wille's head, he can't even notice the gravity of what simon is trying to say to him

at the sit in simon initially stands his ground and calls out all of their hypocrisy and rightfully points out wille only takes a stand when its low risk for him, but he caves lated because he doesn't want to disappoint wille and doesnt want wille to be mad at him. and despite wille saying he likes that they learn from the other's perspective, he doesn't make a move to understand any of simon's pov.

simon had to throw up a white flag in ep 5 becuase not only had simon shriveled into a shell of himself and wille not noticed, this change of simon was enabling the way the monarchy breaks wille. previously, and in glimpses this season we have seen simon show wille where the monarchy goes wrong and tries to pull wille into safety a bit but wille can not see past the status quo this season. he got simon so why should he worry right? but this is not the simon he loves, there is no point to this simon. if this is the guy you wanted to love you could've found anyone who was ok with a private relationship why go after the proud boy who is the antithesis to you?

this gives me hope for ep 6. i think wille needed a rude awakening desperately because he was depriving simon of the oxygen he needs to flourish and letting himself drown at the same time. wille needs to see why he fought so hard for simon, why simon was so important to them. they are so special, wille needs to get past the weight of the crown

[sykeboy]

AninPin Character (and dynamics?) Analysis part 2

The time has come folks

Pin and Kueshit's wedding has brought our girls to their breaking point and now is a great time to see how they are facing their biggest challenges so far

¿Remember I said I wanted to see what Anin would do when she didn't get what she wanted?

I love Anin but today she was cruel.

I agree that needing space is valid after heartbreak, however, giving Pin false hope and then kicking her while she's down was uncalled for. Pin made a choice she did not like so Anin punished her, and I can't help but compare it to aunt Patt's attitude, and the rest of the royal family's (not you Anan) attitude towards those of lower rank, however polite or harsh they might be, the message is the same: you do as I say I reward you, you don't I punish you. It's classical conditioning at play

Also the fact that Anin is standing on the stairs, making her taller than Pin while Pin literally begs her no to leave was a nice touch that keeps reminding us of the power imbalance between these two

I know I must sound like a hater right now so let's get in to the actual character analysis

In this scene both our girls are super triggered, this makes their personalities condense: get more rigid. That happens in order to give them a sense of safety in times of caos and percieved danger

Anin is confrontative, she confronted her family on the last ep, she confronted Pin on this one, and she confronted the situation about Kuea's wife. Anin takes direct action, this is the way in wich she thinks she can affect her reality. And SHE CAN DO THAT BECAUSE OF HER PRIVILEGE

Anin was not gonna leave until she had tried Every. Single. Thing. She could do in order to stop that wedding

So when Pin decided to marry Kuea, and then again today when she decided not to push back against the wedding Anin took that to heart. She is having a hard time understanding that Pin handles conflict in a different way than she does. Of couse she is heartbroken, not only is she losing the woman she loves, in some part of her brain she thinks Pin must not love her enough to take direct actions against the wedding like she does. She sees Pin's sacrifice as her giving up their love so she's sad and angry (she's also not used to losing)

Now let's do Pin

Pin has serious abandonment trauma, wich started after her parents deaths

When Anin came in to her life she was like a lifeline, promissing to always be by her side, so this scene was particularly hard to watch for me

Again, Pin is super triggered, Anin leaving feels like a huge threat to her. We see Anin has a big safety net, people who care for her. But Pin has none (maybe Prik)

So Pin does what she knows best, she lowers her head, apologises, tries to please as she can, she flagellates herself (she knows Anin is punishing her so she helps her), she says she is disgusted by herself because she chose to marry Kuea, but there is simply no way out of this for her

This frustrates Anin, cause Pin's obedience is affecting her directly, and she cannot actually understand the crossroads Pin is at right now, try as she might, she simply can't

Here Pin explains her line of thought very well, she feels powerless and the only way she knows how to affect her reality is by surrendering to what she thinks is inevitable (and she's not far from reality) this surrender can give her some solace, she has learned that she is helpless so why fight when you can't win

And again she self-flagellates for inflicting pain on Anin (or anyone at that), which is comonly thaught to us women and we see it again on today's episode when Kuea's wife says she does't wanna "ruin his future" by exposing his wrong doings

Still Anin can't understand Pin's choices cause their experiences are way too different and Anin has fought right? So why wouldn't Pin fight for their love as well?

So she takes action, she takes off her ring and lets it fall to the ground, she leaves

And this picture right here reminds me of:

Pin is yet again left to face the storm all alone

[matan4il]

Buddie 611 meta

I LOVED that the ep showed us how Eddie wasn’t doing compressions on Buck because someone instructed him to. No, he just couldn’t stand by, couldn't let someone else try to bring his partner back to life, so he announced he was taking over, fuck anyone who would try to stop him. No one even tries to, they wordlessly acknowledge Eddie as Buck's mad with worry partner, much like how in 315, the team treated Buck while Eddie was in danger. And then Eddie shocks Buck’s heart back and gets his pulse going again. Eddie literally kept Buck’s heart going, and then he was still so distraught that he yelled at the medical staff (even though as a medic, he knows it’s pointless), “Do more!” 'Coz that’s what Eddie himself was doing, he stepped in and did more than he was asked to, a continuation of us having seen him doing exactly that in 610 as well, when he didn’t wait for Bobby to decide what to do to help Buck, Eddie charged up an electrocuted ladder he was just thrown off of. Because when it comes to Buck, he will always do more. ~~

The significance of the bond between them is also shown when Eddie is the first flashback Buck experiences within the coma dream, the first lifeline to the real world. That’s continued when the second flashback is to the tsunami, where Buck saved Chris. However, Eddie and Chris aren't quite present in these flashbacks. Buck’s subconscious is at war with itself. The Diaz boys are this powerful connection to the real world (much like Buck and Chris were Eddie’s back in 315, as I tried to demonstrate in this gifset), but the coma dream shows the power of childhood trauma and how much we can be trapped by the desire to fix it. The whole dream contrasts Buck having parents who are loving, who want and appreciate him, with everything bad that would happen if he weren’t with the 118. As the dream goes on, the price keeps getting higher, yet Buck still struggles until the very end with letting go of the illusion that his parents love him, and the sense he himself can be fixed if they do, like he’d then finally feel good enough. That’s why, in a sense, Eddie and Chris have to be more absent than present for the coma dream to be seductive. Because if they’re fully present, if he truly engages with their coma versions and remembers the family unit he has outside the dream, the balance would be tipped over, the battle would have been decided before Buck had a chance to learn his lesson.

That’s why he only hears what happened to Eddie, he doesn’t witness it firsthand, and why when the dream's seductive nature is failing, suddenly Chris is there (despite his coma version not being in LA) to tempt Buck into staying. Even then, walking away from the dream version of Chris while telling him that he’s not real is the only thing Buck says he'll always feel guilty about. ~~ 

I just gotta include a small note here on how much I love the progression we’ve had from Bobby saying in 101 that while Buck calls him “pops,” they’re not a family, through Buck telling TK aloud that Bobby’s basically his dad (in the crossover) to Bobby finally admitting this is true for him as well. I’ve pointed out this season repeatedly (like in my 610 meta) that the show’s dealing with questions of fatherhood, including the question of biology in that context, and this ep was no different, yet this truly was one of the highlights for me when it comes to this theme. I love how much Buck and Bobby mean to each other. ~~ 

Buck’s mom saying “your kids” and Buck being confused until she clarifies it’s not his actual children, it’s his students, then his disappointment, that’s one loose end that the ep didn’t wrap up, because that is a continuation of the whole sperm donor situation (with Margaret once more being at the center of confusion on whether Buck is a dad or not). This one is only going to be really addressed once Buck fully deals with his role in Connor and Kameron’s baby’s life, something he can’t properly do until he also faces his role in Christopher’s, a role that this ep really emphasized. No other kids were by Buck’s bed, not even May who has free access as a legal adult and who has now admitted she knows Buck is her step dad’s other kid. Chris needs his Buck in a way that no other firefam kid does. ~~ 

Which brings me to the heart wrenching fate we (and Buck) learn the Diaz boys have suffered in his absence. I have mentioned countless times in my meta posts how important I believe 204 was to Buddie. How critical Buck’s decision to step into Eddie’s mess with him was. Not once, but twice in that ep, first when he helps Eddie by talking to Bobby about Chris spending the day at the station with the 118, then when Buck introduces Eddie to Carla. I have always said Eddie was very attracted (and not just physically) to Buck from the start, but Eddie’s Christopher’s dad first, so he never would have been able to fall for anyone who doesn’t also love his son as much as he does. In other words, I’ve always thought the heart eyes Eddie gives Buck at the end of the Carla introduction scene, that was the moment when he was gone. And now we learn how meaningful Buck himself knows that was. Without that happening, his subconscious just knows Eddie’s parents would have succeeded with their threat of getting Chris away from his dad, leading to Eddie completely falling apart. Buddie's tale is a love story, and this coma revelation is basically the show telling us Buck’s subconscious already knows this. ~~ 

Eddie’s reactions in the real world are also a reflection of how important Buddifer’s little family unit is to all three of them. Keep in mind, even with his therapy, Eddie is still a reserved guy, right? He normally remains calm in the face of adversity, it takes a lot to rattle him, he doesn't easily get to the point where he falls apart emotionally. When he does in this ep, he only allows himself to when his son is looking away. And even then, he just can't go on answering Christopher's questions about Buck's state. So it highlights how important Buck is to Eddie, when the latter DOES fall apart. When he jumps in to take care of Buck on the gurney as it’s wheeled into the hospital. When he shouts at the medical staff. When he looks so wrecked at the hospital, close to what previously it took weeks of insomnia to do to him. When he can’t look at Buck's comatose body or stop himself from crying while he listens to Chris speaking or bring himself to be strong for his son and answer him. And of course, when the reserved Eddie goes against hospital regulations and parental common sense (to keep your kid away from disturbing sights), sneaking his son in to see Buck. But Eddie does it because he gets it. When Chris says he needs to talk to Buck, Eddie knows the full weight of this, because it’s his truth, too. Both Diaz boys need their Buck to wake up. So everything Chris is saying, all the comfort he’s offering, along with the insistence that Buck MUST return to them? He’s speaking for Eddie as well. ~~ 

I also liked that Buck realized during his coma dream two truths that seem, but are not, mutually exclusive: that he does have a family worth going back for, but that ultimately, he’s returning for himself. He’s not trying to please anyone else, he’s not trying to get anyone else’s approval. His adoptive family matters to him, even his bio parents who have failed him repeatedly matter, but at the end of the day, he’s not going back because his loved ones do or don’t need him, do or don’t accept him, do or don’t approve of him. He’s going back because he loves them and he wants to be with them. And that ties in with another thing we see in this ep. 

Bobby describes the coma dream as a world where Buck can fix everything. Buck says not all, seemingly implying he couldn’t bring Bobby back from the dead. But that’s not actually true, is it? 'Coz the coma world is Buck’s subconscious, it can be altered in whatever way he wants. Bobby can be there and talk to him despite being “dead” which means... he’s not really dead, not in the way that makes death so tragic, depriving us of our loved ones. Chris can be at the hospital, despite not being in LA and not knowing Buck. It’s a coma dream, there are no rules! Buck’s subconscious is king! And we know how important it is for Buck to fix things, Eddie pointed it out in 504, and we saw a callback to this just last week. The climax of this ep is even set against the musical backdrop of Coldplay’s Fix You. But this trait stems from Buck feeling like he needs to fix things, to be the hero, in order to be worthy of love. In the coma, Buck realizes he IS loved. And therefore, he doesn’t need to fix EVERYTHING in order to make a difference and be deserving of love. He IS enough, exactly as he is, limited fixing possibilities and all. That’s how he gets to choose both his loved ones and himself in coming back to reality. ~~ 

Oh, can we talk about the heart drawings scene from 514 and how it relates to this ep? I recently answered an ask about it, and pointed out I think Eddie’s heart has been Chris for years now, and for a long time, it was only him. But that scene showed how, thanks to the way Buck has been there for both of them along the years, helping, healing and loving them, Eddie’s heart is no longer exclusively his son. It’s Buck, too. Which explains why the heart theme we’ve been seeing with Eddie since 413 has expanded to include Buck’s in this ep, with Eddie literally restarting it. So 611 really affirms who Eddie’s heart now belongs to. We see how, without Buck, he would have lost Chris as well. Without Buck, he would have lost his whole heart. ~~ 

And that brings us of course to what kind of a person Eddie would be once that happened. We learn he would have become this angry man, drawing on his reaction during the lawsuit story arc. But notice that in both cases, a part of the issue causing Eddie's anger is not having Buck. Yes, back in s3 Eddie was dealing with Shannon’s death, but he doesn’t really start losing it until he also can no longer speak to Buck. Similarly, in the coma dream, he becomes Angry Guy due to the loss of Chris, but that is tied in with the absence of Buck in his life. In other words, losing Buck causes Eddie SUCH grief, that it has no other way out except for rage. ~~ 

Did you notice how once again, Buck got to be Madney’s truth teller? He did that first in 208, when he realized Madney are basically dating. Interestingly, everything he told Maddie about them was also true for him and Eddie. Then in this ep, he tells Chim Madney basically should be married, since they already share every other part of domestic and committed life. Obviously this will come into play soon. So just remember that once again, his words can be easily applied to Buddifer as well, plus Buck’s truth teller status was paralleled back in s2 with Maddie in 204, when she asked her brother about his newfound boy crush on Eddie... ~~ 

Okay, last one, but I just had to share with you maybe my fave parallel from this ep. You might have noticed in my 610 meta how much I think the lightning stroke parallels the shooting arc. Well, this was true with one of the sweetest moments in the ep’s conclusion. Just like how, at the end of 414, we got to witness Eddie hugging Chris while Buck watched on, so we get to see Buck hugging their son while Eddie looks on now. Except Eddie isn’t just looking. He enables the hug by helping Chris into Buck’s arms. Tell me again: how is this not a family? How are these men not partners, dedicated and loving towards each other in every way that matters...? ~~ 

Please enjoy direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Endlessly thankful to @whosoldherout​, who​ blows my mind away every week with her hard work and beautiful gifs for my meta. Tag list will follow in the reblog, please let me know if you wanna be added/removed here. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on far too little sleep in order to get this posted quickly, so I can't explain how much any and all encouragement matters to me. Thank you! xoxox

[bengiyo]

Perfect Propose Ep 3 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we started with Hiro, an overworked office grunt who probably works for a black company passing out on the street in exhaustion. His childhood friend Kai appeared, saying he wanted to make good on their promise to marry. Kai is dealing with his own difficulties and needed a place to stay, and has begun taking care of Hiro, going so far as to jerk him off to help him sleep once. We learned that Kai has not had an easy go of it. We left on Hiro failing to make it to the festival on time to get food with Kai.

This is such a great opening. Hiro is disappointed, and is more upset that Kai isn’t mad about this. We know that Kai was looking forward to this because he bought the fish tank, but he’s downplaying any disappointment for Hiro’s benefit. He went to the festival and got the food Hiro said he liked, but Hiro really wanted to share in an activity with Kai. I love that he’s berating himself for all the things he could have done to keep his promise instead.

Never getting over the office chairs being the same color as Hiro’s couch. It makes his home look uncomfortable.

I thought that was Tominago Kayoko’s actress for a second.

Hate that they always eat their lunches at their desks.

Not sure what the chef’s son’s beef is with Kai, but it feels personal.

I do love that Hiro is processing what’s happening with his and Kai’s reactions to all of this.

“Be conscious of it.” I will be thinking about this for the rest of the weekend. I love Kai so much. “You’re straight so I won’t cross that boundary, but you make things difficult when you show me this level of regard,” is a place I find myself in a lot.

I love when broody boys are suddenly happy. “In the end you’re going to be mine.” I love him so much.

Oh, looks like my little anxious man is going to be a drunk mess next week.

I absolutely love this show. I like that we have two adult characters that are already jaded by their circumstances and are desperately reaching out to each other as a lifeline. I love that the coworkers all immediately worried when Watari regressed back to his original self. I’m so looking forward to him confronting the idea that he “works too slowly” as he tries to face Kai. I was talking with @lurkingshan about how much she likes that BL characters are now asking for time to think instead of just rejecting someone, because for me I love that Kai accepts that “thinking about it” just means “getting used to it.” Kai asked Hiro to be conscious about his feelings. He does want to do activities with Hiro, but he’s also not going to pretend he isn’t a gay man living with the man he loves. If Hiro wants to be closer to him, Kai is going to want to be physically close to Hiro as well, even if that’s just sharing the bed and sleeping with his back to Hiro.

[agentem]

More Agatha stuff, ep 6 version

So we know Jen and Lilia are not dead and the next episode is Lilia.

I want to know what Lilia saw that made her put the sigil of protection on William Kaplan. We know that his lifeline was already cleaved in two. We know Billy “feels” Tommy, so it wasn’t to protect him from Death in the car accident, I don’t think. Though that is possible and would maybe mean Tommy doesn’t have a body currently? His soul is just floating around? (Could Rio give him a body? Maybe as Billy’s “prize”?)

Agatha wasn’t a threat to him at that point, she was still under Wanda’s spell. Would other witches have been drawn to him or something? Unless she saw Agatha breaking out and Billy trapped in her closet. Agatha might have drained him to fight the Salem Seven?

Was she protecting him from Wanda herself? Who then had the darkhold? But Wanda didn’t sense Tommy so that doesn’t seem like it.

Some people are saying, based on the posters on William’s walls and the tree-like decorations of his party, that this is a created world, like Wanda’s and not really the Witches’ Road. Agatha might not have walked it before. Would Rio mention it if it were a fake?

I think that would be a bummer and mean Alice and Sharon died for no reason, and generally mean all the “trials” were just torture and there is no point to any of this? I think perhaps this version of the Road is specific to Billy. (“It suits you.”) Since the Road changes for the Coven?

And how does this relate to the darkhold because I think the body at the beginning was a representation of it. That its destruction is what started all of this. I assume since Rio said Agatha hid behind dark magic, then the loss of the darkhold allowed her to find Agatha again. Had she visited before? (And maybe just played pretend cops with Agatha?) or was episode 1 the first time?

[dulcewrites]

I’m actually curious to see if, and honestly hope, in s2 (whenever that may come out. Studios pay your writers and actors) we get some sort of callback or allusion to the rumor that Jacaerys tried to convert Cregan from the old gods to the faith of the seven.

Not because I care about the gods, outside the religious symbolism they bring. I only want to see people’s reactions. Namely the ones who act as if Alicent is the first woman to ever openly practice the faith. Because I have a feeling those same people will paint Jace possibly doing that as endearing versus Alicent who gets painted as a monster for her connection to the faith. The most we see Alicent doing a redecorating her home. Mind you, not even every room because you can clearly see the tacky tapestries in Viserys’ room in ep 8. Plus we see her praying and wearing religious iconography. Things that are not out of the ordinary… at all. She’s honestly your textbook highborn noble woman during that time. She was born and raised in Oldtown ffs. What is she supposed to follow if not the faith💀

She gets seen as this horrible zealot out to destroy the Targaryens through the faith, and to me that is just indicative on how badly people misinterpret Alicent’s feelings/motivations.

People can have their problems with the writing in hotd. I know there are certain things I have problems with myself. But when can we start being honest about how a lot of the conversations that are regurgitated and argued about day after day have less to do with the writing, and more to do with bad faith viewing. People are watching to see what they want to see, not what is actually in front of them.

Anyone with an objective view of Alicent would be able to tell how much she clings to the faith for salvation and hope. She does it to feel close to her mother, and very kindly/cautiously tries to help Rhaenyra with that too. She then reaffirms her faith after 1. She (imo justifiably) loses her shit at Driftmark and feels guilty about it, and 2. Has to marry her children to each other. Something she expresses thinking is immoral in the past. We even see her cut her hair, more than likely as a means of punishment and repentance. She’s miserable and has very few lifelines to hold onto.

How that gets twisted into her being a bigot because she doesn’t want to see dragons having orgies on her walls is beyond me.

Also the idea she is trying to bring down House Targaryen is nuts, but also laughable. Because between her and her actual Targaryen husband, Alicent is the one affirming her childrens’ Targaryen heritage. She makes sure Aemond knows he will get a dragon one day. She makes sure Aegon gets Blackfyre and his namesake’s crown. It seems like Aemond, and more than likely her other kids, know Valyrian. Ironically, the most anti targ (and frankly valid) sentiments we get are from Viserys. He speaks on the doom, fears what is to come, and how they never should have messed with dragons.

Alicent ‘let the people remember the ancient strength of House Targaryen’ Hightower is not the Baelor y’all want her to be. And if she was, it would’ve worked in her favor more. People tend to leave out the part where the most beloved Targaryens (by their people) were partly that because of their connection to the faith. Ya know the thing Targaryens also practice.

[kithtaehyung]

— broken (LP) ; a three tangerines limited play

🎼 tracklist: amygdala - agust d // she's in the rain - the rose // like i need u - keshi // star - colde // lesson zero - epik high // twin flame - machine gun kelly // lifeline - the rose ++ others.

🎧 note: so... here it is. these are songs that fit the mood of 3tan11. lyrics may or may not matter, but this is also the limited play (LP) for now. the extended play (EP) will be released after the chapter drops. as with every post i make about this chapter.. pls give me strength. 📷 src: one

⟶ press play

[unissonmag]

FLASH: LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN

Avec sa voix claire, Neve Bowen se livre sans concession sur son nouvel EP Lifeline… et c’est profondément touchée par sa voix et ses mots que je livre ici ma review de son EP. LIFELINE – NEVE BOWEN L’exercice auquel la jeune Londonienne de 19 ans, Neve Bowen, se livre n’est pas simple, mais d’une beauté et d’une douceur sans égale. Le titre phare, Lifeline, est en équilibre entre ombre et…

[luxhesperus]

god okay i'm still on ep 18 and i just wanna talk about this scene real quick:

shen yi, trusting only (well, not only but you get my point) his skill, intellect, instinct, and his pencil is nothing new but

do you understand how heartbreaking this sequence is? shen yi, who trusts his pencil so much, suddenly finds himself hoping, for the very first time, that he is wrong — that, for once (just this once, please, he must have begged in his heart), it's his pencil that has betrayed him

except, with every paper that he throws — with every sketch he makes, his fear takes form in a familiar face etched in graphite

the way he had been gripping that pencil like a lifeline or perhaps, more accurately, in prayer (hoping he's wrong wrong wrongwrongwrongwro-)

and the breaking of his pencil sounds a lot like the breaking of his trust — sounds a lot like the breaking of his own heart

oh and when he finally completes the portrait...

desperate and despairing

[alicentsultana]

Look MAYBE and i say MAYBE Criston and Aemond talk doesnt have to suck.

Maybe Criston instead of being a backstabbing traitor will try to play mediator .

I'm clinging to it like a lifeline.

I actually fear hbo's potential to throw their characters consistency to hell but let's actually hope for it to not be true.

I paid some attention to Aemond's character development, and he seems furious and very upset (and who wouldn't be?), so I believe he and Alicent are stressed and he's snapping at her because of everything, so let's just hope this is a phase? Especially post b&c, and he's kind off venting to Criston, he's there to listen, or even just talk him out of it.

Also, he's seeing his brother changing, and he's probably having some kind of jealousy over it. Aegon is stepping up, doing his job, governing, capably so. Maybe he's also doubting and questioning himself. Adding it all up to everything.

Criston is a character of integrity, he wouldn't turn his back to Alicent, even raising in position, that's not who he is, and he visibly has a lot of respect for her, beyond their ship, they are a unit of sorts, it's very clear in the last ep (and the deleted scripts).