#entry 08

[aengel-mp3]

my heart's beating but i'm dead

the scar you left in my chest

doesn't bleed but it won't heal

you left me to die

now I'm a living corpse

so for that I'll leave you a course

[vangoghinthehead]

i haven’t had a pill in days, maybe it should stay that way, i’ll curl into a ball, they’ll find me with the a.c. on, a husk, a shell, something dead and unable to move on, they’ll say she died of agoraphobia in her own home, no one wanted her bitch face around, she couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t drive, what was the point of her even being alive?

[prettyiwa]

8 January 2013 | 13:00

(previous) | (next)

The last text you were able to send was three hours ago. Iwaizumi’s watching the semi-finals on his phone, noting every receive, every serve, every spike, every set. Pride fills his chest as he watches you and your team move as one, almost as though he's watching the push and pull of the waves.

The other team is tough, one that makes it to nationals regularly, but you guys are putting up a good fight. The captain of the opposing team tries to get an off-the-partial block, taking advantage of the fact that your libero isn’t on the court. You leap, ensuring that her play doesn’t go unanswered.

Your receive connects, sending the ball back to your setter who’s able to pull off a quick attack. It's clear when your ankle rolls, when you stumble, that you've most likely sprained the joint.

His heart stutters as you try to push yourself up, try to ignore the injury, try to continue playing. Of course, you would. You’re so fucking obstinate, so fucking devoted to your team that there isn’t a part of you that you wouldn’t sacrifice for them, for the chance to play again.

Your coach subs you out, making certain to have your manager escort you to receive medical attention. As soon as the cameras are off of you, as soon as you’re out of sight, he minimizes the video and shoots you a text.

It’s not the comfort he wishes he could provide, but it’s the best he can do from well over 300 kilometers away.

It’s another twenty minutes until you respond with a phone call. There’s pain in your voice and he isn’t entirely certain whether it’s your ankle or the narrow loss of the match. Either way, he listens, only interrupting when your comments turn critical of your performance, reminding you that you did everything you could.

He tells you everything he needed to hear when he lost months ago, commending you for making it to Tokyo, promising to take you out for ramen when you return.

Before you end the call and return to your team, he overhears one of your teammates ask who you’re on the phone with.

“Go away, Nomi! ... I'll be right there! ... It’s my Iwa-chan, not that it’s any of your business! ... Yeah, yeah, tell coach that I'm coming.”

The hint of possessiveness in your tone as you declare him your Iwa brings an involuntary smile to your face that's impossible to remove.

“Your Iwa-chan?” he teases lightly, wanting to hear it again.

“Shut up, Hajime,” you bite back, clearly flustered. “I’ll text you when I’m back in Sendai, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

over the course of 24 hours masterlist | haikyuu!! masterlist

[alpha-mag-media]

Escape to the Country has last-minute entry into best TV opening of 2023 | QG72FWO | 2023-12-31 05:08:01 | December 31, 2023 at 06:08AM

Escape to the Country has last-minute entry into best TV opening of 2023 | QG72FWO | 2023-12-31 05:08:01 Read More … Check full articles at Source: ALPHA MAG

[miguenhasthoughts]

08/24

How infrequent is this habit? How fragile is this goal to keep track of my wandering thoughts? I feel like my life is on rails yet I can’t seem to keep it on track. Why is that? I want to.

My relationship with sex just seems to get more complex the older I get. When you are born with a dick you are imposed an emphasis to get laid as fast as possible, as much as possible. An emphasis that devalues what sex can be. A high libido doesn’t help with that. Hopefully one matures and are able to share intimacy with a partner that goes beyond a simple nut and stop. To truly engage with their partner and feel their body, their warmth. To explore their body with more than just your hands. Take in every mole that create bumps as you rub up and down their skin. Their scent. The sounds they make. The way they kiss, the way they breathe. Take in how they show you pleasure and to contemplate what you can do to give that pleasure back.

There’s even a dorkiness to it all. The giggles. When something doesn’t sound as sexy as it did in your head. Maybe your bodies make a weird noise or you try something that you both aren’t skilled in doing yet. There’s a sense of companionship that comes with exploring new things with a partner that really feels special.

However, as my transition progresses, my libido has dwindled to nothing and the urge isn’t always there. My partners don’t always know how to engage or get me in the mood. I’ve been the initiator for so long that they communicated that they never really built up the skill to take over that aspect. It feels like being a forever DM only I’m a switch who’s a forever top. That does drag sometimes. I hear my partner have sex in the other room with my meta and I can’t help but feel a little inadequate.

I didn’t really have these emotions till recently. It’s my own dilemma. Therapy helps until it seems I reached for something I never really wanted to. Sex is such an intimate thing to share with someone yet not everyone views it in that way. Some just view it as a power move where they get what they want and that is it. No matter who it hurts.

My dad is an awful person. I’ve known this. He’s done things that should’ve locked him up for a long time yet he only got a year. He gaslit me, my mom, and never spoke about what he did with any sense of honesty. He downplayed the assaults he did and I never looked at him the same once I found out. Yet when you are a child you can be so easily manipulated. When you are born with a dick you are drilled with lots of misconceptions of what sex can be. What could be considered a sexual act. When asked if a parent touched you, what answer do you expect from a child other than yes. I had repressed or rather it was hidden behind layers of lies and manipulation that chose to one day unravel.

I cried for hours. I could only feel shame and confusion. I wanted to deny it yet the emotions kept showing up and hurting me. I still feel so overwhelmed when the thought slips through my mind. I’ve been distracting myself time after time and I feel like such a zombie, ignoring everything that allows me to think for a second and it’s so unfair. He already took so much from me and he keeps taking more.

Now whatever libido I have left… I just get triggered when sex begins because it hits me. I just want to sob and not be touched. Something that I already feel like is being taken away from me, feels like it’s being robbed further.

I feel so inadequate and like a part of me has been ripped out and just replaced with empty air.

[chuluoyi]

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 08:12 A.M 」

based on a suggestion! a bit short and i ran out of gojo headers :') i think i've used all them up...

a part of gojo's love entries

“why me not here?”

on one fine morning, your three-year-old son, perched on satoru’s lap, pointed at one picture during your wedding day in the album and dropped the question curiously.

“hmm, why, you ask?” satoru’s lips curled into a wicked grin. “heh. that’s because you weren’t invited. booo.”

your toddler son turned to him with wide eyes as if betrayed, shocked. “...why?”

“we ran out of invitations for you, kiddo. sorry~”

“...” your son, all with his white hair and blue eyes, looked conflicted for one minute straight, before his eyes went glassy. the very sight got satoru almost crack up.

“hey minion, don’t fry your brain over it,” he chuckled, pinching both his cheeks.

his pumpkin merely glared back at him before focusing back on the album. “evil papa!” he accused, pursing his lips into a huge pout. “what papa and mama do...?”

satoru glanced at the picture of you in your traditional kimono, smile forming in his face. “well, i married mama then.”

“what is marry?”

hmm, now that was unexpected. “well...”

“why marry?”

pressed for a decent answer but failed to find any, he blurted the first thing that popped up in his mind. “to... produce you, of course.”

“huh...?” your boy's eyes positively lit with total confusion, staring back at him with so much incredulousness.

“well, simply because it’s wrong to produce you if we are not married~”

“...” your baby son didn't understand, that much is clear with the frown in his little face, and satoru really thought he would question him further until—

“mamaaa!” he bolted out of his grasp and ran to find you. satoru immediately followed him suit in half-panic.

meanwhile, you were about to check out your cart in the online shopping platform in the living room when your son crashed himself to you. “oh my god, what did papa do to you this time?” you caught him and pulled him to your lap, somewhat surprised that his eyes welled with tears.

“papa, bad!”

“yes baby, we know that already.”

“papa said... papa and mama marry to produce!”

your eyes widened in surprise when you heard your innocent baby, and you immediately shot an irked glance at your stupid husband as he approached both of you with a snarky smile.

“he always tells on me, hmph,” he puckered his lips in defiance. “what i told him is true though, i have to marry you first to put him in the oven, no?”

you couldn't believe what he said in front of your three-year old, and were about to sentence his punishment when he suddenly pressed an index finger to your lips, silencing you.

“no, no! you can’t couch me tonight! why? because i’m paying for your cart!”

[mauldin-seed]

[purplealmonds]

My entry for the banner art contest for the Technoblade Discord server, inspired by a parenting story Technodad shared on Reddit.

More ramblings about process below the cut!

I didn't have time to document much of my process, so I'll be dropping bits of trivia as they come to me.

The contest announcement dropped 08/08, and for a few days I thought I was gonna skip out on it because I couldn't think of a decent idea. But then inspiration struck when I rewatched Tonko House's The Dam Keeper short. I also recalled Technodad's sweet parenting story, so I decided to mash the two ideas together for my entry.

Most of the time spent on this piece was on the 3D modeling in SketchUp! I started modeling on 08/11, and had several false starts before settling on the final build on 08/18. Technodad mentioned in his story that his family lived in a condo in San Francisco, so I referenced the more iconic architecture of the location's residential areas. He probably lives in more modern housing, but I'm a sucker for the old-fashioned aesthetic. Artistic-liberty!

The theme of the banner art contest was "autumn", so I roughly blocked in the location of two trees which I would paint in autumnal colors. The street lamps were recycled from another banner contest I entered around 2020 for the CrankGameplays server themed after "spring" - I think it's fitting that it's reused in another seasonal-themed contest. Everything else was modeled from scratch!

I wish I documented more of my painting process, but all of the painting was done in a span of 1.5 days while I was recovering from a bug. Normally I'd take at least a week to finesse things, but I was in a rush. I needed to submit my entry before the deadline so there was ample time for upvotes, and I also had a commission I needed to wrap up before next month. I get restless when I have more than one project on my plate, especially when both are time-sensitive!

[fluff-cember]

Fluffcember 2024

Heyho.

@alpaca-clouds here!

I was asked whether I would create Fluffcember as an official challenge this year, and I thought to myself: You know what? Why not?

Hence this blog - and a really early posting of the list.

Rules

This is a 1-month-challenge for fluffy fanworks.

All sorts of fanworks (art, writing, graphics) welcome.

We will however not accept any AI-Art or AI-Writing!

SFW and NSFW is both welcome - but please make sure to tag it accordingly.

Tag CWs if you share under this tag!

No minimum or maximum word count for writing!

We will reblog entries during the month of December!

If you have questions: The asks are open!

Full list of prompts under the cut.

Day 01: Roasted Marshmallows

Day 02: Winter Flu

Day 03: Snow Man

Day 04: Christmas Sweater

Day 05: Northern Lights

Day 06: Gingerbread House

Day 07: Condensed Breath

Day 08: Sparkling Snow

Day 09: Sugar Rush

Day 10: Carols

Day 11: Slippery

Day 12: Skiing

Day 13: Fire and Ice

Day 14: Winter Soup

Day 15: Naughty List

Day 16: Chocolate

Day 17: Snowed in

Day 18: Mistletoe

Day 19: Fondue

Day 20: Fairy Tales

Day 21: Cabin in the Snow

Day 22: Winter Storm

Day 23: Confessions

Day 24: Christmas Tree

Day 25: The Perfect Gift

Day 26: Forgiveness

Day 27: Family Gathering

Day 28: Cold Turkey

Day 29: Mint

Day 30: Warming Up

Day 31: Fireworks

Alternatives:

Hot Bath

Fallen Through The Ice

Holiday Decoration

Homecooked Meals

Coming Home

[thievinghippo]

31 Days of Dragon Age

To celebrate the next installment of Dragon Age, I created a list of prompts for '31 Days of Dragon Age.' Basically, I'm asking what everyone loves about Dragon Age so we can celebrate it!

Please feel free to reblog and share this. Then each day, make a post with the day's prompt, explaining why you love the thing. I'm hoping we can all share what we love about the series and make the wait until Halloween a little shorter!

Oct 01 - Introduce your Hero of Ferelden Oct 02 - Favorite Origins romance Oct 03 - Favorite Origins companion Oct 04 - Favorite Origins location Oct 05 - Favorite Origins quest Oct 06 - Favorite Origins NPC Oct 07 - Favorite Origins scene/dialogue Oct 08 - Favorite Origins lore/codex entry Oct 09 - Favorite Awakenings companion Oct 10 - Favorite Awakenings quest Oct 11 - Favorite Awakenings scene/dialogue Oct 12 - Favorite Awakenings lore/codex entry Oct 13 - Introduce your Hawke Oct 14 - Favorite DA2 romance Oct 15 - Favorite DA2 companion Oct 16 - Favorite DA2 location Oct 17 - Favorite DA2 quest Oct 18 - Favorite DA2 NPC Oct 19 - Favorite DA2 scene/dialogue Oct 20 - Favorite DA2 lore/codex entry Oct 21 - Introduce your Inquisitor Oct 22 - Favorite Inquisition romance Oct 23 - Favorite Inquisition companion Oct 24 - Favorite Inquisition location Oct 25 - Favorite Inquisition quest Oct 26 - Favorite Inquisition NPC Oct 27 - Favorite Inquisition scene/dialogue Oct 28 - Favorite Inquisition lore/codex entry Oct 29 - what do you love about Dragon Age? Oct 30 - what do you hope for in VG? Oct 31 - Introduce your Rook

[gardenofafterthoughts]

25/08/24

"August sun swollen

gold with the old of summer

honey combs the trees"

- Greg Sellers; haiku journal entry, 26 August 2018

[kithtaehyung]

minted (m) | myg | masterlist

series: minted (explicit) | cross-posting: ao3 | wattpad mlist: created 2024/08/08 | updated: 2024/09/30 pairing: street king!yoongi x street vendor!reader genre/rating: m (18+) ; angst , action , smut ; haegeum au , gang au summary: all you do is wake up, sell your fruit on the dusty streets below your flat, and go to sleep. but everything changes when a customer you always look forward to seeing turns out to be dangerous. really, really dangerous. warnings: mint!yoongi, haegeum!yoongi, this series may not be for everyone, as there will be graphic depictions of violence. warnings stated in each installment. minors dni. current word count: 19.2k mood playlist: here status: ongoing

🥢 parts 🥢

⇥ minted angst , action ; 9.4k ⇥ minted: two angst ; 9.8k ⇥ ??? ??? ; ???

taglist: sign up here (i check every entry so read the rules!) feedback form: submit here (for silent readers/bloggers!)  other links: inbox ; masterlist

[jiminjamms]

sex therapy :: 29. karma's a bitch

chapter tags/warnings: manipulative! naoya. naoya's anger issues continue. infidelity/adultery. extremely strong language. corruption. mentions of physical violence. family drama.

word count: 3.2k

notes: my sixty-hour work weeks have been taking a huge toll on me, so i apologize for this incredibly slow update. the good news is that i cannot take this corporate america bullshit anymore and will resign in the next two months. thank you for being patient! likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated. xoxo

fic masterlist | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

Naoya had never felt this humiliated in his entire life.

When people said karma was a bitch, he never thought that it would actually make its way back to him. While he was not the most righteous person in the world, he was the Zenin CEO, for god’s sake! He was the leader to a multi-billion dollar conglomerate, the heir of a centuries-old bloodline. 

Yet, here he was, charging back to his apartment like an irate animal.

He startled the lobby doormen upon his loud entry, and once he returned to his penthouse, he had to will every muscle in his body not to tear apart his abode in a rampage.

In his head, his encounter with Toji looped like a broken record, fueling his chagrin.

When Naoya sought to confront his cousin for the first time in months, he thought he had been prepared. He did not expect to end up digging himself into a deep hole surpassing the world's layers due to a judgment error—a slight miscalculation. 

Correction: this miscalculation was anything but 'slight' because he wildly underestimated what felt like everything. Now, he bore the consequences of his mistakes after inadvertently turning himself into a laughingstock. Because his ego was his hamartia, he had become a mere jester in a story where he was meant to be the sole hero, and thus his ill feelings burned hotter than the surface of the Sun.

As much as he hated to admit this, Naoya had been shortsighted. He should have known better. Just weeks ago, he saw a vision filled with saccharine promises of a happy, comfortable life as the most powerful man in Japan imbued with power and wealth. He had been confident—a hundred percent certain—that absolutely nothing could go wrong in the trajectory he worked hard to create. But, what the actual fuck just happened at the therapist's office?!

He did not expect his mistress to make a complete fool out of him. Her very existence was an anathema to him, and he hoped to never be in contact with that woman ever again. In hindsight, Naoya should have taken the hint a while ago. He had previously forgiven his cousin's ex-wife, dismissing her blissful but intentional ignorance. Mari had never been too keen on actual intellectual and corporate matters, for she took far more interest in the money and comfort that came with starting from the bottom and sleeping her way to the top. Despite that, Naoya trusted that she at least had half the mind to not publicly discuss their affair, only for him to be proven wrong in front of none other than...Toji Fushiguro.

"Fuck!" Naoya screamed into the void of his empty living room. His reality was a nightmare as he thought about his despised cousin again—the assured gleam in his viridescent eyes, the smug smirk that tugged across his lips. The imagery soured his mood beyond measure. "I'm going to fucking—"

He did not finish his sentence.

Instead, he kicked a nearby lamp in an angry bout, toppling the fixture over and sending tiny shards cascading across the floor accompanied by the dull thud of the shade. Whatever. His housekeeper tomorrow morning would come in and clean that. 

What he instead focused on was how he had never been this infuriated, this belittled, this undignified.

The entire apartment echoed with Naoya's loud huff.

'About ‘your wife’ or whatever you want to deem her, there is not a single chance in hell that she’d ever think about calling you her husband anymore.' These words from Toji affected him more than he would have liked.

What did he mean?

That bastard is bluffing, the blonde had to tell himself, yet even he could not believe in his own consolation.

He needed to do something about this. 

No, no, Naoya wasn’t scared.

He couldn’t possibly be, right?!

Yet, after he could feel his ears begin to cool and breathing start to re-regulate, he stared at the emptiness in his halls as he came to the realization that had no better choice but to talk to you.

You didn't want to be here.

The moment you read Naoya Zenin's text to meet up for a 'quick chat' at the café near his office, you already knew that the upcoming conversation was going to be anything but 'quick.' The last thing you wished to do was to be in the same vicinity as that very man again.

After spending the last few days at your family residence, you had been showered with warm attention from aunts, uncles, cousins, and even house attendants who—despite naturally wondering the reason behind your stay—welcomed your visit with open arms. To your relatives' many inquiries, you forged a pretense that all was well even if all was not. (Besides, all did seem well in your family estate, away from the incessant pandemonium that was the Tokyo city center.)

While you knew that this peaceful break was not meant to last forever, you did not anticipate returning to the capital just to sit with the Zenin CEO alone.

Naoya had specifically chosen a corner table in the Hong Kong-inspired establishment, distanced from potential eavesdroppers. He seemed to have been waiting for a while by the time you arrived, his right leg crossed over his left knee as he twiddled with his thumbs impatiently. Sprawled on the table were a freshly brewed pot of jasmine tea and a platter of warm custard pastries.

He remained quiet as you took the seat across from him, observing with a crease on his forehead and a knit to his brows.

Anyone could tell that the blonde was not the least bit happy.

"Giving me dirty looks is not going to get this conversation anywhere," you pointed out while helping yourself to a tart.

From your comment, the inverted slope on Naoya's lips twisted into a deeper frown. 

He did not understand where your annoyance came from. 

Fine, he never treated you nicely either, but he did not expect you to snap at him when the discussion had hardly begun. You offered him no greetings, and Naoya also took great offense at how you chose not to look at him as you talked.

Truth be told, your neglect reminded him of all the other upsetting things that he was dying to bring up, and your unpleasant attitude whittled away the little restraint he had left.

“You didn’t try to ask where I’ve been. Not one text or call. Guess it would not have mattered to you if I disappeared, huh?" he lashed out through gritted teeth. He hated being forgotten, hated being looked over, and hated how easy it was for him to prove you to be a neglectful and apathetic wife.

Which was why there was no better option than to cut him off.

“You ordered me to leave you alone, Naoya.” Only slightly did you turn your head to glance at him. Stirring sugar into your tea, you kept your attention otherwise on the nearby window and watched businesspeople scurrying about on the streets on their lunch breaks. "You can live without my attention since I'm not the only woman you have around. What happened to your lady friend? Hasn't she been entertaining you long before our marriage? I am sure she would love your company, so why not pay her an impromptu visit?”

From a slanting angle, you could tell that the transformation from your normally calm demeanor dismayed him. Naoya, not you, was typically the one to make snide comebacks, but he could not deny your latest comments. Evidently, he wanted you to go back to your submissive and passive self, but that was precisely what you no longer could be for him.

His silence prompted you to reach into your purse and retrieve a thick manila envelope, and you presented the package on the table.

Naoya's gaze snapped to the parcel. 

He was curious, but cautiously so. He had invited you here, expecting to control the narrative, to dictate the terms. As a result, your unexpected move threw him off balance. 

"What...?"

“Take a look and find out for yourself.”

A puzzled Naoya demonstrated no hesitation.

He snatched the folder, tearing the top open and greedily grabbing the curated pieces inside. He stared for a long time at the first item: a photo. But he recognized the image of him and his mistress, boarding a private jet for their most recent trip to Mexico. Then, he flipped through the stack rapidly, barely registering each item before he turned to the next. Some were printed-out pictures and others were cutouts from news articles, but all featured him and his paramour. The confusion on Naoya's visage slowly morphed into aggravation, and when he finished his inspection, he forcefully threw the items back onto the table.

In the end, Naoya sat back and went still, not even blinking, thinking, or doing anything but pressing his tongue along his inner cheek. "How did you get these?"

No apologies. No remorse.

Hell, based on his response, the man could not even bother to deny your accusations, a telling sign of how little he could care for his relationship with you. Obviously, you must be a joke to him.

In one firm motion, you placed down your teacup.

"You're missing the point.”

While one's eyes may be the windows to the soul, Naoya's offered nothing in his current state. His pupils looked at—no, examined you in intense dark pools despite the iridescent glow from the lights above.

"Toji gave you these, didn't he?" Naoya continued with a disdainful laugh, himself insistent on getting answers to his own questions. "You can't find this shit on the internet anymore since I've had them all taken down. But Toji's fast. He has eyes everywhere, I know he does. Look at him. Months later, and he's still hung up on reclaiming a position he should've never had the right to in the first place!"

Thankfully, you didn’t flinch from his loud voice. What you did do was become more indifferent as if you were placing a wall to separate yourself from him, mentally bracing for his emotional maelstrom.

"You are missing the point," you said once more. This time, you shook your head in disappointment, and your tone was far more frustrated than the last. "Aren't you shameless?”

"Me? Shameless?!” His brows pinched closer from fury. "Take a look at yourself, woman! What did you do to get all this dirt from Toji and his henchmen, hm? Ha! Know what? I bet it’s because you're so willing to spread yourself for them,” he rambled with a nasty sneer plastered on his expression. At his comments, your jaw fell open before snapping shut as the meaning behind his words sank in. The way this man disregarded how he had an affair (that began many months ago!) only to redirect the spotlight onto you was repulsing, implying that the sole reason the therapists talked to you was that you had slept around. “A whore like you love taking all them all, don’t you? Well? Well? Am I right? Goddamn, you’re such a—”

The harsh scraping from your chair as you stood was what finally interrupted him. Unable to tolerate his vilification, you counteracted his anger with the venom in your rancorous glare. 

"How dare you talk about me like that!”

In the meantime, prying eyes started to turn in your direction from the commotion: teenage girls, sharing nervous glances across their table; a lone businessman, stopping mid-sip from his cappuccino; even the barista, pausing mid-grind such that her arm froze inches from the hopper.

"That man...doesn't he seem familiar?" a distant voice asked.

"Is he a celebrity or something?"

"No, wait. He's the person on the cover of last month's Fortune magazine. Naoya Zenin!" another replied.

"Isn't that lady his wife?"

While the onlookers' curious glances turned into full-on stares, their regard steeled your resolve rather than bothered you. Instead, you wanted the crowd to take in the spectacle. Corrupt tricks and dirty money had long painted the Zenin heir as 'the most perfect man in Japan,' and the public deserved to understand the fraudulence and cruelty that underlaid his facade.

"For months, I trusted you. I respected you. I put aside the harrowing loneliness weighing on my heart all because I tried to understand you. You told me that finding the time or energy for our marriage was not easy because board meetings kept you late in the office or business meetings required you to spend several nights abroad. Fine! So, I had been patient. But," and your voice overflowed from anger as you pointed a shaking finger at the pictures on the table, "Taking another woman to Michelin restaurants for dinners? Spending nights with her at Ritz-Carltons and Four Seasons? Going on entire vacations with her across the Pacific? All while you had a wife at home? Are you out of your fucking mind ?!" 

The man's nose flared with deep-seated rage, his eyes mirroring the same bitterness in yours. "At the end of the day," he began sternly, "we're still married."

Ridiculous.

“On paper, ” you had to clarify. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be cheating on me with your older cousin's ex-wife."

Immediately, louder murmurs rippled through the crowd. Naoya turned stiff, uncomfortable with the attention. So much for selecting a quiet corner in the café. He wasn’t stupid enough to sense that he had to be careful. Saying one wrong phrase would condemn him to a public meltdown. 

However, you were already steps ahead of him when you loudly declared: “I’m filing for a divorce.” 

That caught him off guard.

Your announcement even drew audible astonishment from bystanders as they stopped their meals, turning to each other and drawing out their phones.

In literal milliseconds, the vexation once riddling Naoya's demeanor shifted into denial.

“No. We’re not going to talk about a fucking divorce right now. We’re going to fix what we have, and you’re going to come back to me. We’re...We're married for a reason, and we’re going to keep with it!”

"That's a bullshit reason,” you had to snap. “Listen to yourself. Do you hear how selfish you sound!?" At this point, nothing could hide your bafflement. "Naoya, you were the one who said that if I wanted to leave this marriage badly, then I should leave. Ask Mai and Maki! They heard the entire conversation. Didn't you also say that you didn't give a fuck anymore?"

The man attempted to salvage some semblance of control. "I was just joking!"

"No, you were not." Picking up a photo of Naoya and Mari together, you pressed the picture to his face. “How much more can I take? How many days would I still have to go through alone in the penthouse, all because you would be spending your sweet time with the woman that you love?”

Unloading all this emotional baggage, not only for Naoya Zenin but also for the café spectators to hear, took courage. Previously, you would have let the burden gnaw at your soul. You would have rather wallowed in suffering rather than even think about speaking up.

But the past was the past, and you had grown immensely since then. Currently, you were stronger, more confident. You knew that, in Toji's words, you deserved better. Life was too beautiful to waste on a man who did not love or respect you and, with that in mind, you relaxed your clenched fists with an exhausted and fatigued sigh. 

You broke me first, you said through a deserted gaze. 

Naoya Zenin was the reason why you had become the way you were: a cold, seemingly heartless wife who cared none for her husband. The misery that he placed on your shoulders finally reached its limit, and while you could forgive, forgetting the memories in your scarred heart would be a task over months, years, and even a lifetime. 

“Listen,” you began, tone terse, “this divorce will set you free. Mari is the person whom you need—”

“The hell. No!” the man interrupted in a violent outburst, taking your breath away as he slammed the table and hissed. “I don't give a damn about her right now! We’re…We’re over!" he snarled with incredible anger such that he almost appeared to growl. "I don’t need her, I need you! That...That whore doesn't give a flying fuck about my shit! All she cares about is...is...Fuck this. All she wants is the money. Why else do you think she married and then later divorced Toji? She doesn't want to hear about all the shit in my family because she had not been brought up to deal with all the fuckin' drama in my household. She can't understand because, unlike you, she wasn't born with a silver spoon shoved down her goddamn throat!"

Quietly, you absorbed his words, stunned.

So this was how their relationship had been.

You had not expected him to reveal all these entrenched feelings willingly, but his concoction between reckless rage and sheer desperation had allowed him to spill the ugly side of this extramarital affair. Naoya could not afford to lose you, and not just because this marriage solidified the respect of those around him. While Mari offered him an outlet for physical indulgence, only you could offer the cornerstone to Naoya's mental and social fortitude.

“So you ‘need’ me now, but what happens when you find another reason to hate me again? What will you do if you don’t think I can fulfill the role you want me to have as your partner? Or if you wake up one day and suddenly want your cousin’s ex-wife again? Or if you meet another woman? Am I supposed to stand there again, and watch this all happen?" 

No answer.

The fact that he couldn't respond hurt.

"My decision is final. Looking back, I despised every single second married to you. In fact, I feel sorry for myself. The fact that I blindly put up with your manipulation, betrayal, and blame for all these months.” With your belongings collected, you prepared to leave. “You would be stupid to think you're the only one with options, you know.”

Only when you turned around did Naoya react, scrambling to his feet.

“What the fuck are you—”

In any other situation, he would have grabbed you, lunged at you, did everything in his power to stop you from going. Yet, given all the witnesses, all he could do was call you back like a helpless child, trying his best to not escalate the scene (although, at this point, even passerbys outside have stopped by the window to spectate).

"Hey!" Naoya called after you. “Hey! I’m still talking with you!”

Pathetic, really, to see him desperately beg for you to stay in his life.

There was a certain satisfaction in finally having the control at your fingertips. The feeling was empowering—electrifying, even—and you became so focused on the gratification that you barely registered Naoya's last question.

“Where are you going?”

At this point, you already stood by the exit.

“That’s not something that my soon-to-be ex-husband would need to know,” and you hardly gave him another glance as the door closed behind you. “Thank you for showing me everything I hope to never find in another man again."

last chapter || next chapter

end notes: Part of why this update took so long was because I wanted to have an encounter between Naoya and Y/N to showcase Y/N’s development, from someone who thoughtlessly defended her husband to someone who could stand up for herself (all while alone!). I envisioned this interaction many times, and I thought about different ways to approach the scene, the delivery, the dialogue, the choreography, etc. It took me a while to go for what I currently have. Thank you for reading!

taglist: @dissociatingdiva @httpsplanetmarsdotcom @nemoyr @huangfairy @shadowarchon @203steph @agentdedf1sh @cloudybabes @lynn-writes-things @illicitwriter @7oji @kikuchimi @chaoticjojofan @musicisme333 @kumocchin @s-guru @mwahilovemylife @hey-gurls69 @cloudsinthecosmos @moon-mumu-moon @kazscara @skilerfrostfairy @funicidals @nico707 @proteovaldez @tsukiyohanayome @marimoares @qirbys @puffaloxx @sakanoshitaa @arizzu @kissditrio @lewd-bunny14 @mistyheart @szired @supsii @yvy1s @lazyassfinals @katkbc @tokyometronetwork @downtown-roponggi @the-cosmos-network

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The "religious liberty" angle for overturning the overturning of Dobbs

Frank Wilhoit’s definition of “conservativism” remains a classic:

There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.

https://crookedtimber.org/2018/03/21/liberals-against-progressives/#comment-729288

Conservativism is, in other words, the opposite of the rule of law, which is the idea that the law applies equally to all. Many of America’s most predictably weird moments live in the tension between the rule of law and the conservative’s demand to be protected — but not bound — by the law.

Think of the Republican women of Florida whose full-throated support for the perfomatively cruel and bigoted policies of Ron Desantis turned to howls of outrage when the governor signed a law “overhauling alimony” (for “overhauling,” read “eliminating”):

https://www.orlandoweekly.com/news/this-is-a-death-sentence-for-me-florida-republican-women-say-they-will-switch-parties-after-desantis-approves-alimony-law-34563230

This is real leopards-eating-people’s-faces-party stuff, and it’s the only source of mirth in an otherwise grim situation.

But out of the culture-war bullshit backfires, none is so sweet and delicious as the religious liberty self-own. You see, under the rule of law, if some special consideration is owed to a group due to religious liberty, that means all religions. Of course, Wilhoit-drunk conservatives imagine that “religious liberty” is a synonym for Christian liberty, and that other groups will never demand the same carve outs.

Remember when Louisiana decided spend tax dollars to fund “religious” schools under a charter school program, only to discover — to their Islamaphobic horror — that this would allow Muslim schools to get public subsidies, too?

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/louisiana_n_1593995

(They could have tried the Quebec gambit, where hijabs and yarmulkes are classed as “religious” and therefore banned for public servants and publicly owned premises, while crosses are treated as “cultural” and therefore exempted — that’s some primo Wilhoitism right there)

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/quebec-francois-legault-crucifix-religious-symbols-1.4858757

The Satanic Temple has perfected the art of hoisting religious liberty on its own petard. Are you a state lawmaker hoping to put a giant Ten Commandments on the statehouse lawn? Go ahead, have some religious liberty — just don’t be surprised when the Satanic Temple shows up to put a giant statue of Baphomet next to it:

https://www.npr.org/2018/08/17/639726472/satanic-temple-protests-ten-commandments-monument-with-goat-headed-statue

Wanna put a Christmas tree in the state capitol building? Sure, but there’s gonna be a Satanic winter festival display right next to it:

https://katv.com/news/offbeat/satanic-temple-display-installed-at-illinois-capitol-next-to-nativity-scene-menorah-decorations-snake-serpent-satanic-temple-springfield-christmas-tree

And now we come to Dobbs, and the cowardly, illegitimate Supreme Court’s cowardly, illegitimate overturning of Roe v Wade, a move that was immediately followed by “red” states implementing total, or near-total bans on abortion:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/15/paid-medical-disinformation/#crisis-pregnancy-centers

These same states are hotbeds of “religious liberty” nonsense. In about a dozen of these states, Jews, Christians, and Satanists are filing “religious liberty” challenges to the abortion ban. In Indiana, the Hoosier Jews For Choice have joined with other religious groups in a class action, to argue that the “religious freedom” law that Mike Pence signed as governor protects their right to an abortion:

https://www.politico.com/news/2023/06/21/legal-strategy-that-could-topple-abortion-bans-00102468

Their case builds on precedents from the covid lockdowns, like decisions that said that if secular exceptions to lockdown rules or vaccine mandates existed, then states had to also allow religious exemptions. That opens the door for religious exemptions to abortion bans — if there’s a secular rule that permits abortion in the instance of incest or rape, then faith-based exceptions must be permitted, too.

Some of the challenges to abortion rules seek to carve out religious exemptions, but others seek to overturn the abortion rules altogether, because the lawmakers who passed them explicitly justified them in the name of fusing Christian “values” with secular law, a First Amendment no-no.

As Rabbi James Bennett told Politico’s Alice Ollstein: “They’re entitled to their interpretation of when life begins, but they’re not entitled to have the exclusive one.”

In Florida, a group of Jewish, Buddhist, Episcopalian, Universalists and United Church clerics are challenging the “aiding and abetting” law because it restricts the things they can say from the pulpit — a classic religious liberty gambit.

Kentucky’s challenge comes from three Jewish women whose faith holds that life begins “with the first breath.” Lead plaintiff Lisa Sobel described how Kentucky’s law bars her from seeking IVF treatment, because she could face criminal charges for “discarding non-viable embryos” created during the process.

Then there’s the Satanic Temple, in court in Texas, Idaho and Indiana. The Satanists say that abortion is a religious ritual, and argue that the state can’t limit their access to it.

These challenges all rest on state religious liberty laws. What will happen when some or all of these reach the Supreme Court? It’s a risky gambit. This is the court that upheld Trump’s Muslim ban and the right of a Christian baker to refuse to bake a wedding cake for a same-sex couple. It’s a court that loves Wilhoit’s “in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.”

It’s a court that’s so Wilhoit-drunk, it’s willing to grant religious liberty to bigots who worry about imaginary same-sex couples:

https://newrepublic.com/article/173987/mysterious-case-fake-gay-marriage-website-real-straight-man-supreme-court

But in the meantime, the bigots and religious maniacs who want to preserve “religious liberty” while banning abortion are walking a fine line. The Becket Fund, which funded the Hobby Lobby case (establishing that religious maniacs can deny health care to their employees if their imaginary friends object), has filed a brief in one case arguing that the religious convictions of people arguing for a right to abortion aren’t really sincere in their beliefs:

https://becketnewsite.s3.amazonaws.com/20230118184008/Individual-Members-v.-Anonymous-Planitiff-Amicus-Brief.pdf

This is quite a line for Becket to have crossed — religious liberty trufans hate it when courts demand that people seeking religious exemptions prove that their beliefs are sincerely held.

Not only is Becket throwing its opposition to “sincerely held belief” tests under the bus, they’re doing so for nothing. Jewish religious texts clearly state that life begins at the first breath, and that the life of a pregnant person takes precedence over the life of the fetus in their uterus.

The kicker in Ollstein’s great article comes in the last paragraph, delivered by Columbia Law’s Elizabeth Reiner Platt, who runs the Law, Rights, and Religion Project:

The idea of reproductive rights as a religious liberty issue is absolutely not something that came from lawyers. It’s how faith communities themselves have been talking about their approach to reproductive rights for literally decades.

The Clarion Science Fiction Writers’ Workshop (I’m a grad, instructor and board member) is having its fundraiser auction to help defray tuition. I’ve donated a “Tuckerization” — the right to name a character in a future novel:

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/clarion-sf-fantasy-writers-workshop-23-campaign/#/

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this thread to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/11/wilhoitism/#hoosier-jews

[Image ID: Moses parting the Red Sea. On the seabed is revealed a Planned Parenthood clinic.]

Image: Nina Paley (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Moses-Splits-Sea_by_Nina_Paley.jpg

CC0 1.0 https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/deed.en

 — 

Kristina D.C. Hoeppner (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/4nitsirk/40406966752/

CC BY-SA 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

[miguenhasthoughts]

08/02

There is a stubbornness within me. A will to keep up with bad habits. To only engage in behaviors that make my life easier yet in the long run I know will hurt me. This is an individual who doesn’t know how to live in the moment, an individual who doesn’t know how to stop hurting, an individual that doesn’t choose their selfishness. Yet that same stubbornness can be used to fight back on these qualities. That tell me I don’t have to be ruled by these notions. I know what they are now and I can attack.

I look in the mirror and I am… happy. Yet I am so scared I will ruin it somehow. It is something I keep being vigilant of. Going out femme and being free makes me happy. The getting dolled up, feeling the wind under my skirt, coming up with new ways to do my make up and hair, accessorizing. It’s all very euphoric. My only enemy has been the summer sun, yet a quick spin in a dress makes the heat bearable a bit. With all that said I wonder if I’ll ever shake the fear of getting called out or hurt because of who I am.

I got called a slur. I wasn’t even dolled up. I had short shorts on. A normal tee. My hair is colored bright pink and put up. It was hot. I was helping out my mom with groceries 104 degree weather. There were people doing yard work. And I get called the t slur. I heard it. They were pointing and laughing among themselves. My choice was to ignore it. My mom didn’t hear and if she had she would’ve shook the ground. Escalated the situation. I just wanted to end and to go back home to my partners. I hate that felt indifferent. I knew what happened to me was wrong yet I had no rage or even hurt. I was just waiting for it to happen if I were honest. I was more thankful it wasn’t aggressive. I fear next time it might be. I am happy yet I am afraid.

May and Sam get along. We sleep in the same bed now when May stays over. It can get hot but thankfully not too hot where anyone is miserable or can’t adjust. Sam has a low tolerance for socializing and can’t help but remove themselves every couple hours to recharge. I realize May is really down for anything. We go out, we watch shows, share funny videos. We will watch memes or craft videos on their phone or they will just craft while something is playing on in the background as we cuddle. We really share a similar lifestyle. She does like to go out more than I do. The heat depletes my energy more than anything and it’s hard to always meet those wants. They don’t seem to care however I do. I want to show them I care about their wants and needs. Yes it is more comfortable to stay in and cuddle and talk. Yet just because it is easier doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve the things she wants and I don’t want to fall in that same hole like I have with my past relationships. She makes me things and I want to return the favor, she dotes on me and I want to return the affection. I really just want to do things right and I’m constantly on edge something might happen to push everyone I love away.

About that. I learned to be better. People like me. I have things to offer people. People enjoy spending time with me. With that said I don’t have to be the person everyone wants me to be all the time to be deserving of that love. It’s hard to always tell myself that yet I have to keep telling myself that. To stay happy.

[mauldin-seed]