#enjoy this shit

[brainrotcharacters]

When irl pisses me off, I rewatch the Honda Odyssey scene to relax

[quail-dove]

ok new winner from r/stupiddovenests

[raylangivins]

i am Locked In.

[egophiliac]

give yourself a chance to just chill whenever you can 👍

[automaticbreakfastmachine]

[rell1st]

Fuck all that sad shit, we Gucci and life is beautiful!

[bibookdemon]

[glorious-spoon]

i'm very picky about tv shows, but my pickiness has only an incidental relationship to whether or not a show is "good". it needs to scratch a particular itch in my brain at the right moment. do i know what the right moment is? no. do i know what the itch is? also no. i can be relied upon to get instantly bored of 85% of tv shows and then turn the remaining 15% into a central facet of my personality for 3-5 business months and even i am incapable of predicting which one it'll be ahead of time.

[yumishisu]

logan degrading calling him everything but wade (p1)

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

[queerdraws]

it's zoro's birthday!! happy birthday big guy, may you say many more insane things to your enemies in the coming years

[captainjonnitkessler]

MBMBAM Question Asker: I'm an electrician, what can I say that's cooler than "Fuck!" when I get shocked? I get shocked a few times a year.

Griffin: Hey, that's pretty goo-

Travis, the only brother to work in a trades-adjacent job to my knowledge: turn off the power before you work on it

[tiredthingbehindyou]

Getting Inside People's Heads

This is an entire conversation me and some of my friends had. I've condensed the multiple messages into one.

MENTIONS OF: Abortion, murder, police brutality, school shootings

"I like to being up moral dilemmas and make them question what they thought they knew." -Me

"You bring up moral dilemmas? Like... ethical conundrums? Is this why you want to go into psychology?" -1 (Psychology student)

"Give me an example." -2

"Killing the Joker from DC. Why shouldn't we?" -Me

"Well, I'm not entirely against it. But to answer your question, theoretically killing the Joker means taking a life, which would make us little better than criminals. Not to mention, the legal and ethical ramifications of doing so... it's not as simple as 'he deserves it.'" -3 (law student friend.)

"Then why not fight against the death penalty?" -Me

"...good point." -2

"That's a different story. The Joker deserves the death penalty for his crimes. No one can argue that without being accused of kinning him. The problem that comes, however, with who is responsible for deciding how he should be punished. The system isn't perfect, but it's better than one person making that decision on their own." - Law Student

"Sounds to me like ur afraid of what would happen if you blew his brains out. You may be a Christian and not want to kill people, but I'm an atheist. So gimme the gun" - Psychology Student

"I got one out back in my shed. Make a portal to DC and let's hunt that son of a bitch!" -2

"In the Dark Knight movie, he kills 23 people. More than 30 died by his orders." -Me

"Hey, (Psychology student), would you actually shoot him in the head?" Law student

"With a smile on my face." -Psychology student

"If anyone were to say that 'you shouldn't be happy in causing pain' ...I bet they'd be singing a different tune if it was someone they cared about who was killed. You'd be out for blood. Emotions are too complex and a messy ordeal" -Me

"You're just saying that because you're a writer." -2

"...no comment." -Me

"It's okay to dislike someone. Even hate them, in some circumstances. But taking pleasure in hurting someone isn't. Even if they're the worst person in the world." -4 (Parental figure who was sleeping)

"Many people have said that they would gladly kill dictators without hesitation. Yet, nobody has tried to change their view points. Hitler, Stalin, Genghis Khan are just some examples. We all know what Hitler and Stalin did. Genghis Khan raped so many women that 16 million people are his descendants." -2

"Okay, I see where you're coming from. But there's a subtle difference between Hitler and the Joker. Hitler was very much a real person, who did a lot of terrible things in real life. In contrast, however, the Joker is...something else." -Parent

"We're talking like we are in the DC universe." -Law

"The Joker is also a real person in this theoretical conversation who has done terrible things in real life. Do you really think that if he got the chance, he wouldn't become a dictator and kill millions of people for his own sick pleasure?" -Me

"Oh." -Parent

"Joker is a real person in this chat right now, and his crimes aren't imaginary. The fact that he hasn't tried to conquer the world (yet) doesn't change that he has hurt others." -Me

"He looks like a Jerry." -2

"STOP SAYING EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE A JERRY!" -Psychology

"I didn't. I said a snake looked like a Judgemental Shoelace." -2

"And this conversation is an example of how I get into people's heads. Before me, you never would've thought about killing the Joker, would you?" -Me

"'No.'" Law and Parent

"Mayhaps." 2

"You do get in people's head. It's kinda scary to be honest. You'd be a good politician." Psychology

"True. I look pretty, have great hair, and am gkod at lying." Me

"Also! Superman could be considered scary. He can literally crush someone's skull in his hand with ease!" Law

"What about Wonder Woman?" Parent

"She's an intriguing character. A descendant of the gods. The gods, if they do still exist, didn't care for mortals in the myths. And how would a woman who was raised thousands of miles away on a hidden island react to modern times? I haven't seen her movie, so I cannot give a definite answer." Me

"WW...is a complex character. I'll give you that." Psychology

"Most beings who use emotions are. And Wonder Woman almost always uses her emotions. I'm not saying thst's a bad thing, considering her moral compass. I'm just saying that with her, her emotions usually triumph over her logic." Me

"You're not exactly wrong... She does use her emotions a lot. Probably more than she should. She's also incredibly compassionate, though. That's a trait that comes partly from emotional thinking. Her compassion for the innocent has let her do some remarkable things." Parent

"Killing for violence and killing for necessity are two very, very different things. Both can be argued in court however." Law

"Can we move on from this discussion? It's getting a little repetitive. Go back to the Joker part." 2

"Killed without hesitation and without mercy." Me

"...Jesus Christ and his mother. That was fast." Parent

"Same." 2

"I mean..." Psychology

"He's responsible for the deaths of over 30 people. I have no blood on my hands (human at least). No sweat off my back." Me

"Why is he irredeemable? He's a bad guy. Like Darkseid." 5 (The youngest who is just getting into DC)

"The bar is set a bit high for that, tiny." Me

"I'm not tiny!" Newbie

"You're 5'0." Law

"He had a therapist and turned her into his sidekick. Harley Quinn eventually left him for Ivy after realizing she deserved better. They're cannon." 2

"I like to study people and topics that people often use to play the devils advocate. It's easy to get in people's geads when the topic is a controversial issue." Me

"Creeeeeeeepyyy." 5

"Shut up. You collect animal skulls. Yku don't have a leg to stand on." Psychology

"Abortion being banned! Go!" Law

"It's a woman's right to get an abortion." Parent

"The woman is the one that carries the child. It's her body, her choice. The government can't tell her what to do with her own body." Me

"Death penalty." Law

"Dead." 2

"Some people don't deserve to live." Me

"No one's life can be fully defined in a black-and-white manner," Parent

"Anyone deserves a chance to prove their worth. People change as they grow and learn, and we should give everyone a chance to prove that they've changed. Plus the death penalty can lead to innocent people being executed." Newbie

"Okay, I'll give you that. I just don't agree with it." Me

"Climate change." Law

"Get rid of the old white men who only want more money than what they know what to do with." Me

"Kill Bezos/Zuckerberg?" 5/2

"I'm actually starting a cult about that." Me

"Bitch, you start a cult about everything." Psychology

"And?" Me

"Gun control." Law

"The Constitution was written back when Britain was truing to take control over the 13 colonies. Majority of people do not deserve to have guns. I'm going to say two words that explain why, are you ready?" Me

"School shootings." 5/2

"Yep." Me

"School shootings are proof that certain people shouldn't own guns. Not even for self defense. Guns make killing incredibly easy." 2

"Yeah. It's a lot harder to kill a room full of people with a knife than it is with an automatic assault rifle." Psychology

"Immigration." Law

"Come into the country legally and I don't give a shit." Me

"Damn." 2

"I agree with that." 5

"All the topics (Law) has brought up are things I agree with. Do something else, (Law)." Me

"Fine. Argue for police brutality. I'm not saying you have to agree with it, and I hope to God that you don't." Law

"Okay... You've seen the videos of the BLM protests, right?" Me

"Obviously." Everyone

"I'm saying that the protesters have turned violent and have looted stores, set fires, destroyed government vehicles, and stolen those vehicles as well." Me

"Why the fuck do you sound like a politician when you argue?" Psychology

"Dunno. Anygays, what I just did was not give you all the information. That's what a lot of news stations do."

"Dumbasses." Law

"The BLM protests start peaceful. It's rhe cops who throw tear gas and threaten the peaceful protesters. It's the 1st Ammendment right to have a peaceful protest. Right, (Law)?"

"Can confirm here." Law

"So, if I'm understanding this right, what you're saying is that the police are a corrupt force who don't respect human rights, and that some of those in the BLM movement have started to act violently and destroy property as a response to this police brutality? But you also believe that police brutality is an issue?" Parent

"That's about it, yeah." Me

"Shit, you're good." 2

"Things aren't black and white. There are so many shades of grey. And it's not just black, white, and grey. Some grey's are lighter and some are darker." Me

"I'm so thankful that you aren't in debate class with me." Law

"No, I'm a lesbian theater nerd. You're safe...for now~"

[machinerot]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Not beating the allegations.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[hailsatanacab]

Family Dinners - dpxdc

"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne!" Danny gaped, jabbing a finger at the man sitting at the head of the table.

The bustling dining room goes silent as everyone turns to look at him.

"Danny, who did you think was going to be here?" Tim asks, disbelief plain in his voice and Danny feels his face flush red.

"Sorry, I, uh, I guess I just never put it together. Tim Drake-Wayne. Wayne Manor. It, uh, makes sense now." He laughs sheepishly and scrubs at his neck before slumping back down into his chair.

"Well," Tim says with an indulgent sigh, "at least I know you're not just friends with me for my connections."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry, I just never thought about it, I guess."

Danny sinks lower as everyone around him laughs. Come to dinner, he said, the food is the best, he said, ignore the family, he said. Danny really wishes he'd listened to Tim and just ignored them—almost as much as he's regretting accepting the offer in the first place—but... he's having dinner with Batman.

Ancients, that's so weird!

The last time he saw Batman was in the future and, suffice it to say, it was not going well. There hadn't really been time for family dinners there.

Wait. Family dinners?

He peers around the table, openly gawking at everyone as it all clicks into place.

"Everything alright, Danny? Now realising who everyone else is?" Tim asks with a roll of his eyes.

"Uh... something like that..." Danny mumbles as everyone laughs again.

From further down the table, the smallest Wayne scoffs and clicks his tongue.

"I thought you said he was smart, Drake?"

"So, you all do it, too, then?" he asks, ignoring the jibe. Danny's only a little bit jealous as he thinks of how much easier they must have it, how much easier it'd be if his family had been on his side, too. "You all work together?"

"Nah," Dick says from across the table with a brilliant grin. "Tim's the only one that works with Bruce, we all have different jobs. I'm a police officer in Bludhaven."

"Disgusting." Danny blurts out without thinking—because seriously, what kind of self-respecting vigilante would also be a police officer?—before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Sorry."

The whole table laughs again, the loudest being the blonde girl a few spaces down from Dick. Look, Danny wasn't really paying attention to names when they were all paraded in front of him. Dick only gets remembered because his name is a joke.

Come on, Danny, recover!

"That's, uh, not what I meant, though."

"Oh?" Dick asks, cocking his head slightly to the side. Is it Danny's imagination or does his smile tense slightly?

"Yeah, I mean like, you know, in costume. It must make it so much easier to have everyone together like this."

"Costume? What do you mean?"

Yeah, Danny's not imagining it, everyone tenses up at that. It's really only now that he's realising that this probably isn't how he should bring up that he knows about their... night time activities. In fact, he probably shouldn't be bringing it up at all.

"Uuhhh..." Danny looks wildly around the table as he continues making his stupid noise. Think, think, think! There must be a way out of this!

"Danny?" Tim asks, looking concerned.

"Oh, Ancients, this isn't how I wanted it to go at all," he mutters, slipping even further into his chair. He's almost on the floor now and he so, so wishes it could just swallow him up.

His real first meeting with Batman was meant to be cool! He had planned to be Phantom, maybe save them from a tight spot, prove his worth as a mysterious and powerful ally as thanks for the help Batman gave him in the future.

"Danny, what are you talking about?" Tim starts tugging on his sleeve in an attempt to pull him back up from his pit of despair.

Eventually, Danny relents and sits up straighter, hiding his face in his hands and whining all the while.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect him to be here and it threw me off so now I look stupid and it's so embarrassing!" he wails, flailing his arms wide. "Why wouldn't you warn me that Batman was your adopted dad, Tim? Couldn't you have let me know?"

"I'm sorry, what? Danny are you alright? There's no way Bruce can be Batman, look at him!"

"Yeah," the blonde girl laughs from the bottom of the table, "look at him! That's a wet noodle of a man! Batman can actually do things, B is incapable of pretty much everything."

"Thank you, Stephanie," Bruce sighs, massaging his forehead.

It's... Those are the first words Danny's heard Batman say since everything went down and it's enough to knock him out of his embarrassment.

It's really good to hear his voice again. Especially now, when it's strong and healthy and full of personality—even if that personality is little more than a tired father right now—far better than how it had been, at the end.

Danny sits up, back straight, and grins. He's got this. He remembers it perfectly. Some people count sheep to fall asleep, Danny repeats his mantra to be certain that he'll never forget it.

"Gamma alpha upsilon tau iota mu epsilon, 42, 63, 28, 1 colon 65 dash 9."

Once again, the whole table falls into silence.

"Holy shit..." breathes the other D name (Duke? Danny's pretty sure he's Signal) from opposite Stephanie. "Isn't that...?"

"The time travelling code." The littlest Wayne says stiffly. "We have met in the future?"

"That's not just the time travelling code, Dami." Dick says, looking between Danny and Bruce. "That's the family time travelling code."

Danny's grin freezes in place.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"1 colon 65 dash 9." Dick explains, still flicking between him and Bruce. "It means you've been adopted into the family and we should all treat you as such, no questions asked."

"Tell you what, I'm about to ask a question." Danny says, dumbstruck. "You just told me it was a code to identify time travellers, not anything about being adopted! What the hell, B?"

Bruce looks about as shellshocked as Danny feels.

"We must have been close," he says finally, after opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water a few times.

"No! Not that close!" Danny reels back, taking a deep breath ready to refute it all, but... "Well, I mean, you found me when I first got stuck, and you helped me get better despite being... And then we fought together against the, uh, bad guy, before he, um, he... before you couldn't."

An uncomfortable beat passes while they all pick up on what Danny tried so hard not to say.

"So, you're not from the future, then, you travelled there and came back?" Tim asks, breaking the tension and leaning forward with a glint in his eye.

"Yeah, it was a whole end of the world thing, but don't worry about it," Danny says with a hand wave, "It's all kosher now, won't ever happen."

"What did happen?"

"Seriously, don't worry about it, we cool."

"How long in the future was it?"

"About ten years? You were pretty spry for an old man, B," Danny laughs, wishing they'd get off the topic of what happened and get back to the adoption bit.

Everyone shares degrees of a cautious smile as they relax out of the shock, and Dick—whose grin is the biggest—says, "No wonder you got the family code, you're already riffing on him like one of us. How long were you there for?"

"A week, before I managed to get back to my present and stop him then."

"A week? Jeez, B, that has to set some kind of record, seriously."

"Oh!" Danny says, sitting bolt upright and blinking in surprise before pointing at Dick and bouncing in his seat. "You're Nightwing!"

"What?"

"That's exactly what Nightwing said when Batman told me the code! Makes so much more sense now."

Dick laughs and claps his hands, delighted.

"You were not formally adopted?" The grumpy small one—Dami?—asks, his face pinched.

"I didn't even know I was informally adopted."

"And your parents? Are they alive or dead?"

"Damian, stop—"

"They were dead in the future, but they're alive now." Danny says, looking down. He fiddles with the tablecloth, twisting the fabric around his fingers as he fights down the pang of sadness that he always feels when he thinks of them now. He forces a bright smile on his face and hopes it doesn’t look too strained. "I just, uh, can't talk to them much, anymore."

"Damian," Dick warns, "1 colon 65 dash 9. Treat them as family, no questions asked."

"This is Damian treating him as family, the little turd has no manners." Tim scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he gently bumps shoulders with Danny to knock him out of his funk. Danny can't help but send him a watery smile.

"I have the most exemplary manners, Drake, unlike some people." Damian spits, crossing his arms with a pout. "I was merely ascertaining his status to see how he could possibly fit into the family."

"I know this is all a bit sudden, Danny," Bruce smiles, ignoring Damian and reaching out to lay a warm hand on his arm, "for all of us. But if I felt strongly enough to give you that code after spending a week with you in the future, then you are more than welcome in this family, if you so choose it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we'd like to get to know you a bit more."

"I know a threat when I hear it, Bruce." Danny snorts. "But, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry this is all so weird, it really wasn't how I wanted to find you again, but... I'm glad I did."

"So are we, Danny." Dick says, with a warm smile. "And formally or not, 1 colon 65 dash 9 means you're family. Welcome to the fun house! No take backs or refunds, sorry. You're stuck with us."