#enjoy another post of this man having a mental breakdown
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percivals-barrel · 7 months ago
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Dr. Casper Darling - Final Message
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egginfroggin · 1 year ago
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Had the mental image of Iced Tracks Zisu finding out that Ingo went like more than a decade with basically no physical contact and immediately seeking to remedy his touch starvation.
Lots of little touches and shoulder bumps get put into their everyday routine. It's like they gravitate towards each other whenever they're in the same room (which happens frequently). Standing very, very close to each other when they present together, closer than most royal couples tend to stand to each other -- there's no space between them at all.
She'll adjust his crown even when it's perfectly straight, and, after a time, he takes to fiddling with her hair.
Also, head bonks. They do it. Bonk your shoulder, bonk your back, bonk your head and make both our skulls rattle, yeh. We call that blunt force affection in this castle, dang it.
Basically, Zisu looks at it as a decade of touch deprivation and makes it her mission to make up for it. Ten-odd years is a long time to miss affection.
And I know that that's not how touch starvation works -- it's not like a meter that can be replenished and then bam, you're fine, it's an ongoing ailment that takes time to work through the psychological effects of -- but just as... a storytelling element? Is that the right word? Fluffs, it's for fluffs. Narrative frippery.
Anyway.
Yeah.
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urbanbirdbud · 2 years ago
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it’s been. a very rough afternoon
#fun to know that even while in the midst of my worst disassociative episode in the past year I can still cobble together a good meme#anyways um. about to tear down literally everything I ever derives joy from in my room and put into storage and never speak more than needed#to my dad. I am. so so tired. every time I think things are looking up and I can relax in my own home something has to happen#and then I need to slowly rebuild any safety I felt beforehand. I hate knowing my stuff was looked through and I dont know to what extent#anyways yeah. yearly deeply oversharing personal post over. gonna go hide literally half of my mortal possessions in a box somewhere#personal#no rblogging etc etc#edit: having another breakdown bear w me#I’ve scraped myself down to nothing for peace in my family I grovel and shut up and bear it fucking all and even then#they have the fucking audacity to ask me more? to put away the few reminders I have of people who love me things I enjoy#and the friendships Ive held onto like a dying man does to water?#they say they care about my mental health and how the devil affects everyone insidiously. I think they should take a long deep look#in the fucking mirror. open their eyes to how fucking close I was to just. giving up while I was suffocating under the veil of religion#and no before anyone asks I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I’m not one to live for spite but I trudge on hoping to get somewhere better.#just gonna have a short cry before bottling it up and dealing w it ten yrs down the road. not gonna go thru another ‘check in’ to lose more#oops forgot my little tag ->#ubb chirps
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inevitably-johnlocked · 3 months ago
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Five Fics Friday: August 23/24
Happy Friday everyone!! Finally going on my 2 week holidays, so I'm glad I have some great fics I can read if I get bored!! Check out what's on my radar this week! Enjoy!!
RECENT MFLs
Serenity After the Turmoil (Part 2) by jawnscoffee (G, 2,467 w., 1 Ch. || Dreams, Nightmares, Sherlock's Violin) – John had always been someone with a vivid imagination - especially when it came to dreams. Nightmares, to be precise. This causes him a lot of trouble, especially after returning from the war. The only thing that calms him down is when Sherlock plays his violin. When John wakes up one night from another nightmare, he hears Sherlock playing the violin and decides to keep him company. Maybe he can't sleep either. Or maybe he's just playing the violin for John...
You Don't Live Here Anymore by elwinglyre (E, 3,104+ w., 1/5 Ch. || WiP || S4 Fix It, Angst, Bees, First Time, Third Person Alternating POV) – The lyrics of a song John introduced to Sherlock, haunts him. Sherlock leaves 221b because he can’t bring himself to live there alone without John. Mary is dead, and John still blames Sherlock. It takes a small tragedy to shake John into action. Will he come on home?
A Thrill Failed To Deliver by J_Baillier (E, 9,897+ w., 3/25 Ch. || WiP || Pre-TRF Divergence, Angst, Medical Hurt/Comfort, Serious Illnesses, POV John, Brain Cancer/Tumour, Medical Conditions, Romance, Slow Burn, Doctor John, Miscommunication, Meddling Mycroft, Everyone is a Mess, Harry Watson, Friends to Lovers, Strooppy Sherlock, John's Identity Crisis, Clueless Idiots in Love, Vulnerable Sherlock, Mental Breakdown, Sherlock Whump, Medical Realism) – When The Work is replaced with chemotherapy and restaurant dinners with radiation treatment, will a new, devastating normal bring John and Sherlock closer, or drive them apart — as Sherlock seems convinced it will?
Holy Wine by Silvergirl (E, 36,699 w., 13 Ch. || Sherlock/OMC & Johnlock || TEH Divergence, Addiction, Alcoholism, POV Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Sex Replacing Getting High, Angst with Happy Ending) – After Sherlock fails to amaze and delight John at the Landmark, he learns that John’s cut contacts and left London. Sherlock has to start his life over, without the man he gave up everything to save. Sherlock's version of the events of A Case of You. Part 2 of A Case of You
GOOD OMENS
how do we turn on the light? by moonyinpisces (M, 229,988+ w., 18/22 Ch. || WiP || Post-S2, Romance, Slow Burn, Angst with Happy Ending, Light Humour, Supreme Archangel Aziraphale, The Second Coming, Christianity, Drug Use, Book of Life, Death Threats, Suicidal Thoughts, Sex in the Bentley, Duke of Hell Crowley, Character Death) – Aziraphale ascends to the highest level of the Archangels. And he remembers—well. It’s not important what he remembers.
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ying-doodles · 3 months ago
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// webtoon spoilers (ep 154)
speaking of the other half, lloyd really goes through it in this episode- like they've done traumatized my boy.. >﹏<"
man, they make it look like he's about to have a heart attack-
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another moment- I will say, I do at least like how concerned javier is for him in these parts.
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we're reaching an emotional climax so I'm just gonna let this whole part play out-
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... I'm sorry what? they passed from their mental illness?? where did that come from?? I mean I get that suho's parents' mental health declined after getting scammed but I don't really like the way this translation worded it..
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suho throwing himself into his new role as lloyd to avoid thinking about his life back in seoul but being forced to face his feelings when he's sent there is really good.. but also, wow that's a harsh thing to say, javier-
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... omg he's actually crying- augh yes, suho lived on for his parents ahdjdjsk,, qwq
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... why are you turning away from him, javier?? console him!!
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andddd javier ruined the moment by calling him ugly oh my god,, can't have shxt in this webtoon- OTL
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ohhh the tear trails are so good though..
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sigh,, you know, while I enjoyed seeing lloyd have a full on emotional breakdown, it's like lhm doesn't realize you can have an episode that's purely emotional, he just has to add comedy where it's not needed- 🙄
and the way javier acts in this? again, it's just wrong. and I'd add more thoughts about it here but honestly my brain is melted from thinking about this episode since I woke up this morning so uh. end of post bye-
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kieranxworld · 1 year ago
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Cheer up Call [Peppino Spaghetti]
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➜ Peppino Spaghetti x Jessica Rabbit like! Reader
➜ Pure Fluff, Suggestive Content!
➜ Peppino was having one hell of day, so his buddy Gustavo calls the one person who could brighten his mood up.
➜ No really big warnings, besides suggestive content (no full out smut today folks), cursing, the noise being...the noise. Reader being sassy and not putting up with anyone disrespecting Peppino.
➜ A/n: This was inspired by This Post by @thatgirlgames and- I LOVE THIS CONCEPT! I might write a full fic based off soon, anyways. Enjoy the fic and hope you enjoy!
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Peppino wanted to rip what little hair he had left out of his head.
There was a lunch time rush of customers, and normally that wouldn't be a bad thing. But these people were Rude.
They were rushing Peppino, yelling at poor Gustavo and Pep, one of whom barely could understand what they were yelling at. And poor brick, who they sometimes used to bring the pizza's to the customers, was getting kicked around too.
Then once that shitshow ended.
They trailed in.
Who's they one may ask? Well, The Noise and Pepperman. Two of the most annoying people in the world.
You see, after the destruction of the Pizza Tower that threatened his business the villains that inhabited the castle has no where to go.
Peppino took in his clone, allowing him to work along side him at his pizzeria.
The Vigilante did end up finding work at a bar down town.
Pepperman was an artist, so he wasn't out of a job in the first place. Neither did The Noise, he was a mascot for Domionions (don't know if spelt that right-). But they found great pleasure in coming to bother Peppino.
And today they decided to do just that.
Right after the rush, no more than an hour later they decided to come in.
"Hey Fat Man!~"
The Noise thought it would be a bright idea to bring a bomb inside the Pizzeria, which led to the group freaking out and trying to disarm the comically large thing.
Only for the thing to explode confetti all of the place.
Peppino let out a scream of frustration as he had to clean all of this up, and pray that no other customers came in.
Gustavo, saw how irritated his poor friend and coworker was. He knew the man was on the verge of having a mental breakdown.
So knowing what he must do. He pulled out his phone and quickly dialed a number.
Peeping around the corner, seeing Peppino angrily clean as he curses in Italian at the two trouble makers, he sighs in relief when someone answers.
"Hello? May I-a speak to Mrs. Spaghetti?"
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"Aw, what's the matter Italian man? You getting tired of your dear old friends?"
"You-a two are not any friends of-a mine..'
"He's right! We're just here visiting an old pal."
Peppino tapped his hand on the counter. He was counting down until he had to close up shop so those two could LEAVE.
He slammed his head on the counter, another deep groan of annoyance about to leave his body until the familiar chime of the bell.
Peppino didn't really want to deal with another customer right now so he kept his head down.
He only heard the conversations.
"Oooo~ who's the babe?"
"My, My I need to capture her beauty"
Peppino finally sat up, his eyes widening at who was standing in the middle of the pizzeria.
There was a (h/c) woman dressed in a business casual like dress. Her heels were high and her makeup was stunning. She held an irritated look on her face as she looked down at The Noise.
"Hey toots! I asked ya what ya-AH!!"
He didn't get to finish his sentence before he was smacked by her purse.
"I am a married woman thank you very much!" She said before turning on her heel, her anger instantly melting away when she set her eyes on Peppino.
"Darling!!" She quickly ran over and snatched the male from behind the counter, taking him into a hug.
Peppino felt his face heat up as he felt her litter his face with kisses.
"I came as soon as Gustavo called me! He said you were having such a bad day and you needed me!"
Peppino looked back at his dear friend who only gave him a thumbs up.
"Vita Mia, you didn’t have to-a get off work."
She scoffs placing another kiss on his cheek. "Nonsense! My Peppy was feeling down and I came to cheer you up!"
While this happened, Pepperman and The Noise stared in confusion.
"Um hello?! Ya can't keep kissing his face infront of us like that!!"
Peppino rolled his eyes and was about to speak before he was interrupted by the woman.
"Excuse you?! This is my husband, and right now, you're in his restaurant!!" She quickly snapped. "Now question me again and I'll shove my damn foot so-"
"Ah ah! T-thats enough-a Vita Mia. Do not waste-a your breath on them."
Pepperman speaks up before Noise can "Husband?! Not to be rude....um Mrs. Spaghetti..but-"
"My name is (Y/n) and-"
" Fuck it! Ill say it! How does someone like him get with someone like you?!" The Noise finished making (Y/n) sigh.
"Because, Peppino is a wonderful man, who makes me laugh, smile and does his hardest to make sure I'm okay" she says placing another kiss on her husband's cheek.
"That and I just love the way he sounds in the bedroom, the way he manhandles me and-"
Peppino hurried placed a hand over his wife's mouth as his face burns red with embarrassment.
"Tesoro Mio t-thats enough-"
"Oops~, sorry Peppy! But come on!" The (h/c) woman pulls him by his hand towards the exit. Pushing past the two males who stared on in confusion.
"B-but wait! What-a abou-"
"Gustavo said he'll close for you! I have a surprise waiting for you at home~" She winks at him turning the male into a stuttering mess.
Peppino doesn't get to respond before being pulled out the Pizzeria, leaving Gustavo, Brick, Pepperman and The Noise.
"How in the hell did he meet her?!"
"She just-a came in one day, from the big city-a and fell in love with Peppino at first sight."
"Huh????"
"Yea. Small world right?"
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Hope you enjoyed! I love reading over works and being inspired by them!
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kaisatouloml · 8 months ago
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Talking about gashu again yay....with the amount of times I talk about him you'd think he'd be in my top 3 favs right?? Anyways spoilers under the cut!
So I wanna talk about how gashu changes as a character bc thinking abt this ugly old man has made me cry an embarrassing amount of times. I'll be starting youngest to oldest (age wise) and continue on from there!
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Okay so this is gashu at the start of kais mini episode for anyone who hasn't seen it yet and the most noticable thing is his hair, it's not styled and has a controled chaos feel to it. His hair is important to how he actually behaves in my opinion because during this era I feel it resembles him having a little freedom, not in the conventional freedom but the kind where he can enjoy the life he has with his sons. Living in his ignorant bliss, working towards more freedom (the family vacation) and another thing he has a sparkle in his eyes, he's happy. Strict but he is happy, this is the first and only time you will ever see gashu this happy again.
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Next is post breakdown gashu, his hair has lost that controlled chaos and has devolved into messy and unkempt, deflated. While he maintains his perfect posture he is visibly, like I've said, deflated. He is exhausted and lost the sparkle in his eyes. He just lost one of his children and is devastated his mental state taking the biggest hit we'll ever see it take, he is emotional and more importantly he is vulnerable. Two things he cannot be, two weaknesses that need to be ridded of.
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I have said this before and I will say it a million times but I firmly believe that asunaro brainwashed him or something because of his breakdown caused by seis death, he has lost his freedom bound by the organization, symbolized by his hair. He is firm and rigid and while still the gashu Kai knew and even the one we knew it is no where near how he used to be, after seis death he probably gave up trying to show Kai affection all together becoming seemingly more heartless and cruel than before. To me he just doesn't seem human anymore
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And finally we have current era gashu in all his freakyness. He honestly hasn't changed much, all of what I'm saying here is purely just my take on him. Here he is in his final days and I do think that the death of kai would of affected him just as much as seis he's learned from his past mistakes and instead just looking for a reason to finally fill his purpose and stop being affiliated with asunaro all together, to be with the rest of his family.
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Anyways that's it el oh el I have a twt where I'm much more active and talk about way more than just Kai for anyone who is interested! My @ is ratshitter__ :))
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pluckyredhead · 9 months ago
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I want to get into DC comics, but there's so any of them that I have no idea where to start. Specifically I want to read about Kon (from origin and then dying and then how that affected YJ). Do you have any recommendations on what to read?
Absolutely! So you're in luck with Kon because he got his own series almost immediately after his debut, Superboy (1994), so his story is pretty easy to follow. I would recommend starting there rather than his very first appearances. Kon debuted during the Death of Superman storyline and that was a big storyline that ran across multiple books so it's hard to follow, but his solo series will catch you up on the important information pretty quickly.
Overall I would say Kon's series is a solid B; it's fun to read but not great. But he's very lovable in it and it's a great introduction to who he is as a person. Also, it's like the 90s threw up all over everything and I love that for him.
When you finish Superboy or get sick of it, whichever comes first, I recommend reading Young Justice (1998). You could even start here, honestly, but Kon had already been around for five years at that point so he's not quite a baby anymore. YJ is a better comic than Superboy, a solid A, and obviously showcases his relationships with the rest of the team.
(Just to be clear, I am giving you a lot of homework here: Superboy is 100 issues long and Young Justice is 55. You don't have to read all of either series if you aren't enjoying them, but I didn't want you to be surprised when you saw how many issues there were!)
In 2003, Kon (and Tim, Bart, and Cassie) joined the Teen Titans. Teen Titans (2003) is a pretty OOC and bland portrayal of Kon and the others, but if you're interested in his death and the aftermath (or if you're a TimKon shipper and want to see Tim grieving), you should read it. Kon is only in it up to #33, because he's dead after that. His actual death is in Infinite Crisis which is an incredibly stupid comic but, like. It's there if you absolutely must put yourself through it.
Kon came back to life in Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds which I've never read so I can't vouch for it. He rejoined the Titans with Teen Titans #81 and stayed with the team through the end of the series, but like...those comics are really bad. If you want to read post-resurrection Kon, I recommend Adventure Comics (2009) instead. Kon stars in the first 10 issues or so and they're lovely. He also had another very short lived Superboy series in 2010 which I've read but remember nothing about.
Do not read anything from the New 52 (September 2011-June 2016); that Kon is technically a different character and all of the books he appears in are unreadably bad.
Our Kon returned in Young Justice (2019), which is...fine? It's fine. Superboy: Man of Tomorrow is a recent 6-issue miniseries and it's also fine.
Don't read Superboy and the Ravers, it is 10000% not worth it.
The TL;DR for recommended/key reads:
Read Superboy 1994
Then Young Justice 1998 (or the other way around if you don't care about going in order)
If you are really committed, you can go back and read Reign of the Superman to see Kon's debut and very early appearances, but you don't have to
Then Teen Titans 2003; you can stop after #33 unless you want to see Tim having a mental breakdown
Read Infinite Crisis if you want to read Kon's death, and honestly you can just skim everything that isn't his death scene
Adventure Comics 2009 until it becomes a Legion book
YJ 2018 and Superboy: Man of Tomorrow
I will end with my usual caveat that if you are very new to comics, you will occasionally be confused by what you're reading. There will be references to comics you haven't read and occasional crossovers with other books that will cause unavoidable gaps in your reading. Please just try to roll with it, or look at those moments as interesting new paths to wander down. It's okay if you don't know everything right away. That's what makes it fun!
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writing-for-soup · 2 months ago
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✍ writer interview
tagged by @luvwich, read her interview for insight into how an evil genius works, and for insight into how an evil moron works, check out my answers below the cut 💕
When did you start writing?
I've written basically my entire life, like when I first learned to write I used to just copy fairytales word-for-word in my own notebooks. Then I always liked English the most at school, did my undergrad in English Literature and Creative Writing, and then did an MA in Creative Writing right after because I Wasn't Ready to be in the real world yet.
I used to write fanfic as a teen, then more or less forgot all about it until I played Cyberpunk 2077 in late 2023, had a mental breakdown (only partially related), and then couldn't get River fucking Ward out of my mind. Since then, it's kind of blossomed into it's own thing and this year I've written 138k+ words and it feels great.
Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?
I love a classic murder-mystery thriller, but I'm currently writing one of those and I have almost a full outline for another, and I think both will stand as original stories I might even seek to publish, so does that count?
I love a good sci-fi or fantasy series and I've never written anything like that, the level of world-building involved is so intimidating but when you read it done well it's sooooo good (see Margaret Atwood's MaddAddam trilogy or Chaos Walking by Patrick Ness).
Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?
I feel like my style is distinguished, but I do always think about writers who hugely influence me when I'm writing. Margaret Atwood is the first to come to mind because I feel like her writing is so unique and compelling for me.
I'd be lying if I said I don't also regularly think: would @luvwich do this? Especially in the early days of my longfic. Reading her fic, Arpeggio, was so influential to me. My own fic has very much grown into its own creature now, but at the start, it was Arpeggio's voice I was listening to when writing.
Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?
It's called my living room sofa, sometimes with a dog included. Usually in my pjs, with a cup of chai, and ideally some chocolate. If it's raining outside, I am completely in The Zone.
What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?
Seeing a handsome brown man. I'm not kidding, that's usually how it starts for me. If he's a secondary character who's kind of out of the way and also has a rock solid moral compass? It's already over for me.
If I'm ever lacking, talking to my friends @lily-alphonse and @totallyhumanexe is the easiest way to clear the block and get creative juices flowing. It's good to have such juicy, juicy friends ❤
Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?
Is rampant horniness a theme? Is pure desperation a theme? I like writing couples who are so in love and crazy for each other because I think overwhelmingly eager consent is very sexy. This doesn't surprise me at all.
If sometimes my characters are bossy power bottoms or whimpering messes or incredibly blunt and mean...that also does not surprise me.
What is your reason for writing?
Ideas grow and bloom in my brain and if I don't get them out they'll take up all the space and leave no room for things like my PIN number and my partner's birthday etc.
Plus writing fuels so much joy in my life. It's good for my soul.
Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?
Like anyone, I post my writing partially because I want the gratification of a comment from someone. I'm always grateful to readers for their comments, no matter what they are.
The best comments though, the ones that are the most impactful for me, usually reference specific lines in my work and elaborate on what it was about that part that they loved or that moved them.
How do you want to be thought about by your readers?
World's most brilliant, evil, stupid, amazing, lovable and intensely attractive person. A Woman For The People. A Girl's Girl. Soup.
What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?
I feel confident overall about my writing abilities. I think my dialogue is strong, and I think I'm good at getting into the psyche of my characters. I hope my greatest strength is making my writing consistently interesting.
How do you feel about your own writing?
I like it, I read it. I can feel how much it's improved in this last year alone and I can't wait to reflect again in another year and hopefully see greater strength and distinction 💪
When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?
To be totally honest, I mostly just think about me. Often, when I write, I'm filling the void of what I wanted to read that simply didn't exist yet.
I do sometimes include moments that I've noticed are popular in fics that have influenced mine, but even that is largely because I enjoyed those moments just as much as other readers, and so I wanted to see them in my own work as well.
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barclaysangel · 9 months ago
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The Birth of Jun (transfem Juniper Wheeler AU)
I literally wrote this within about 5 hours, which is crazy. I lost sleep just to finish this to make sure it’ll be posted by morning. I’m still nervous to post it since this is my first time writing for this AU and I just hope y’all like it. If you guys do, then MAYBE I’ll write a second part where Jun gets the name Juniper. Maybe.
Anyway, this is setting in the Final Family/Chucky season 2 rewrite AU where Jun survives and lives with Andy in the middle of the woods, torturing and killing Chuckys together. Because canon does not exist to me, obviously. I’ve written drabbles/oneshots about this AU before and this is just another one but with transfem Juniper.
If you guys really do like this, pls leave comments, it insanely fuels my motivation! I thrive off it and I’ll also appreciate some feedback since this is my first time writing a trans character.
Thank you and enjoy :)
Tags: @the-carlos-cow-eyes @erasedmystic111 @streets-in-paradise
Word count: 2.5K
Warnings: Internalized transphobia, mentions of suicidal ideation, cursing
There was something wrong with Junior. 
That much she had always known, ever since she could remember. She wanted to be a princess, not a prince. A mermaid, not a merman. She wanted to be something that she could never be. 
But Junior hid it for so long, and she hid it well. She buried that part of herself so deep down that no one would ever suspect it growing up. She became the perfect “masculine, traditional son” that her father wanted. She destroyed every single part of herself and burnt it all to the ground just to please him. 
And even though she killed her own father, she still would have done it all over again. 
Gods, she was pathetic. Pathetic and stupid and dirty and broken. 
Despite Junior’s efforts to hide her dirty little secret from the world, she still had moments where it would bubble and come up again. The dysphoria with her short hair, flat chest, and other features that just didn’t feel right. It would be bad enough at times where she wanted to curl into a ball and cry all the fucking time. 
But she would have no choice but to pull herself together and keep up the act, just like she always did. 
However, this moment wasn’t like the other moments with her father. It wasn’t him she had to worry about, but Andy. 
Andy wasn’t like her father at all. He was patient, understanding, and kind. Her father would be ashamed if Junior ever cried in front of him and tell him to “Stop being a pussy and pull yourself together, you’re a man!”, but Andy would hold her in his arms and comfort her. He had been there through every mental breakdown, depressive episodes, nightmares, moments of self-destructive tendencies, all of it. 
Andy stayed right by her side and never budged despite how much Junior tried to push him away. She pushed and pushed and pushed but he never stayed away through it all. 
Junior wasn’t used to that. When she pushed people away and burned bridges to the ground, it stayed that way. Just look at her relationship with Jake. But Andy refused to be pushed away and has made it very clear to her that he wasn’t planning to go anywhere. 
Yet that still didn’t reassure her for some reason. It still filled her with so much fear if Andy ever looked too hard and realized just how broken and defective she really was. 
So once again, Junior hid it. She hid her secret under lock and key and made sure to keep her masculine act on display. 
But then the dysphoric moment hit hard, harder than before, and she wanted to die. 
Junior didn’t want to leave her cot. Her appetite was long gone. She just tried to bury herself deep into her blankets and hoped that one of the Chuckys she and Andy had been torturing could escape and stab her to death, finally finishing his job that he failed to do months ago. 
Andy had been no stranger to her being depressed. They had been staying at that small cabin for almost 5 months, it was now the beginning of April. Sometimes he would give Junior some space if she truly needed it but most of the time, he would be there to offer her food and water and just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He hardly left her alone when she got like this. 
She didn’t blame him. Andy was probably worried that she would take one of his guns and end it all. 
Not like that idea wasn’t tempting. 
But right now, Junior wanted to be alone. She wanted to forget that the weather was getting warmer, which would make her have to ditch the hoodies and reveal the parts of herself that she hated. She just couldn’t bear to go through this, she would much rather hide away for hours or even days. Just as long as she would feel just slightly normal again. 
However, she never really was that lucky. 
“Junior?” She heard after the three light knocks, shuddering deeply and tearing up from the sound of her own name, like something about it was just wrong. “Can I come in?”
Curse Andy for respecting her privacy and boundaries. Logan would just barge in without a warning. Despite everything she was feeling, she still managed a small “Uh huh…” to placate him since she knew he would just be more worried if she refused. 
Andy opened the door slowly and she could smell why. Even without moving from her position under the blankets, she could smell the food that Andy was bringing in. When he stood beside her cot, Junior lowered the blankets enough to see the plate of scrambled eggs and toast in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Normally that would make her mouth water but this time, it made her stomach churn. 
“I know you may not feel like eating right now, but I can’t let you go the whole day without something in your system. Can you try to eat something please?” Andy spoke gently to her, placing the plate and the mug on the floor beside the cot. 
Junior merely shook her head slightly. “I’ll eat later. ‘M not hungry.” She mumbled before putting the pillow from under her head now on top of her face. 
Andy sighed quietly but instead of leaving, he sat down on the edge of the cot. “Kid, I can’t let you starve. I’m not asking you to finish off the plate, but just have a few bites with your coffee. Please?” 
She didn’t say anything this time, her silence was enough of an answer. 
“Junior, c’mon,” She shivered and squeezed her eyes shut when Andy said her name again, “I know you’re not in the mood but you’re gonna just make yourself feel worse. Remember what happened a few weeks ago?” 
She wished she couldn’t. Going nearly the entire day without eating only to almost binge afterwards, resulting in her throwing her guts up. But Andy was with her the whole time, rubbing her back and keeping an arm around her so she would stay supported rather than to fall face first into her own vomit from exhaustion along with cleaning her up afterwards once she was finished hurling and crying. 
No matter what, Andy stayed with her through everything. 
Imagine if he found out you thought you were a girl, Junior thought bitterly to herself, He’d despise you and leave you then without a doubt. 
She stiffened briefly when she felt a hand on her ankle from over the blankets before recognizing Andy’s touch, relaxing just slightly. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 
Junior quickly shook her head from under the pillow. She couldn’t, she absolutely couldn’t. For the first time, she didn’t want to ruin something good. She already felt like she was one wrong move from spilling it all. 
She just needed to keep her mouth shut and hold it all in. She could do it, she’s been doing it her entire life. She can keep going. 
Andy gave her a gentle and reassuring squeeze to her ankle. “Okay. I just want you to know that I’m here if you do want to talk. I don’t need to talk, I can just listen to as much as you need me to. Alright, Junior?” 
Junior winced and wasn’t able to swallow down the whimper this time, which immediately got Andy’s attention. 
“Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong?” She couldn’t see his face but she knew that he would be wearing that concerned frown, the one where he genuinely acted worried for her. 
Junior shook her head again, keeping her eyes closed because she knew she would break down and cry. Andy needed to leave now before she would completely lose her mind. 
The hand on her ankle moved to her back, rubbing small circles there to comfort her. “Junior?” 
“Stop…” 
Andy paused from his motions. “What?” 
“Stop…calling me that!” Junior didn’t know why but it was like something shattered inside of her, like the dam in her finally broke. 
She ripped the pillow off of her head and bolted upright, the suddenness making Andy back up slightly. “I have tried so fucking hard to be Junior! To be the perfect son Junior. The cross-country star Junior. The strong and masculine Junior. I have ripped myself to shreds and molded myself to be what everyone else wanted me to be! But for what? It’s not fucking worth it because I’m not! I’m not Junior! I’m not a boy! I’ve tried so fucking hard but I’m not, I just keep trying and trying but nothing fucking works anymore! I’m so sorry but that isn’t me, this fucking isn’t me! I’m too broken and fucked up to be Junior and to be a fucking boy!” 
Junior didn’t realize she was screaming until she finally stopped, her voice hoarse. And no one said a word. Andy stared at her with wide eyes and an unreadable expression as reality slowly settled in. 
Oh fuck…what did I just do?
She started shaking, her breathing picked up and she hid her face in her hands, sobbing. “I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean it, I was l-lying, I-I-I…” for some reason, now she couldn’t even get the words out after everything from how hard she was hyperventilating. 
Congratulations, you fucking idiot. You really did it now. You ruined it. Now Andy will think you’re disgusting. He’ll hate you. He’ll throw you out and finally leave you alone, just like you deserve, you pathetic piece of sh–
Andy’s hands went around Junior’s body, pulling her closer to him carefully until her cheek was pressed to the crook of his neck, one hand now rubbing her back up and down soothingly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, breathe. Take some deep breaths, kiddo. Just follow my breathing, okay? Breathe…” 
She was shaking through her sobs, her hands clinging onto Andy’s shirt tightly in her fists. His other hand went up to cradle the back of her head so softly as if she was something gentle and precious to him. Junior could hardly breathe but Andy kept guiding her, speaking to her kindly until she was able to finally pull in deep breaths with his help. 
They barely spoke, with Junior crying and Andy whispering reassurances to her. When she started to calm down, she didn’t move, she felt too mortified. It felt like one wrong move, and Andy would finally turn her away. 
“Kiddo?” He finally spoke, “Do you remember what I’ve always told you? About what I want for you?” 
Junior sniffled, still crying but not nearly as badly while holding onto Andy’s shirt still for dear life. “For…for me t-to be a kid…” 
“Yeah, that too. But what else?” 
She thought about it longer this time, hesitating. “…that you-you want me to be h-happy…” 
Andy moved away just slightly, making her whimper again but instead he adjusted himself to fully face Junior and hold her face in his hands. “Exactly. I care about you, kid. I’ve had since the moment you basically passed out on my doorstep. All I want is for you to be happy. And if being a boy doesn’t make you happy…then stop trying. Stop putting yourself through that pain, okay? Just…just be yourself.” 
He was looking at her so seriously yet so gently, as if all that mattered in that moment was her. Unshed tears began building up again in her eyes and Andy continued speaking. “I mean it. I will never judge you for who you are. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere just because you aren’t a boy. I swear on the River Styx.” 
That oath meant more to Junior than any other sort of promise. It was an oath from Percy Jackson, and really any kind of Greek mythology. They both knew how serious that oath was. And for that reason, it was what gave her the push that she needed to finally come out. 
“Andy…I…I’m a girl…” her voice was tiny but it was still enough for Andy to hear, starting to cry again but he pulled her back into a hug. 
“It’s okay, I’ve got you…” He reassured her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “I’m so fucking proud of you, kiddo. I promise I am. I know this wasn’t easy for you, I can’t even begin to imagine how long you’ve felt like this but never said anything. So thank you for telling me. I’m proud of you.” 
Junior cried a little harder at that, still not entirely used to having someone tell her that they were proud of her. But this time, the tears were more of relief and she just completely leaned against him. 
Never in her life did she ever think she’d actually come out and tell someone this secret. She just thought she had to fight the feeling down further and further until it disappeared or it just ended up killing her. 
But no. She lost it and everything spilled out. But…it didn’t end up badly like she thought it would. 
Andy accepted her. He accepted her without another thought. Strong and tough and badass Andy accepted her and told her that he was proud of her for coming out. 
This felt almost like a dream, something too good to be true for Junior. 
“So…I suppose you don’t want to be called by that name anymore, right?” Andy asked and she nodded in response, gripping onto his shirt again. “Okay. Is there…another name I can call you? It doesn’t need to be your permanent name, it could be like a…placeholder. Just something temporary until you can figure out a name that makes you feel like you.” 
She didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking long and hard before settling on something simple. “Maybe just…Jun. For now. Jun. Without an E at the end.” 
Andy nodded and lightly leaned his cheek to her head. “Jun without an E at the end, got it.” 
Jun could practically hear the smile on Andy’s face and lazily hit his side with the back of her hand. “You’re a dork…” 
“Yeah, yeah I am. But so are you, so…” Andy poked Jun’s side, making her giggle before she yawned, her dysphoric episode and breakdown now tuckering her out. 
“You tired, kiddo?” He asked and she yawned again while nodding, not moving from her position. 
“Can I just…stay here? For a bit? Please?” Jun asked quietly and almost immediately, his hand went up to her hair and stroked her hair softly, causing her to close her eyes. 
“Sure you can. And I’ll stay right here with you too. But as soon as you wake up and get hydrated, you need to eat, okay?” Andy told her, accepting his fate to have Jun fall asleep on his shoulder. 
She nodded, yawning once more as a sense of pure peace and bliss filled her. She knew she was safe now. Nothing would happen to her. 
“Thank you Andy…” Jun murmured under her breath. 
Just before she could drift off, she felt Andy kiss her forehead, one hand playing with her hair and the other being secured around her body. “Anytime. Goodnight, Jun.” 
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autistichalsin · 9 months ago
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I'm really fucking tired.
All I wanted was a space to obsess over a fictional man, who brought me a ton of healing, in peace.
This group has made it their mission to chase not only me away, but anyone associated with me. They called me a rape fetishizer for writing CNC fic. They called me a pedophile for making an omega Halsin headcanon. They called me a self-hating lesbian/lesbophobic for saying it's TERFy to demonize queer male sexuality. They mocked my abuse by my mom, and when called on it, laughed that I deserved it for saying how Mint's actions remind me of her sometimes. They accused me of retraumatizing myself because of the fic I wrote, when THEY were the ones who retraumatized me by causing me to have a flashback to my mom abusing me. They accused me of absolutely vile things, and today they questioned if I even was "really" abused because of the fic I wrote. They repeatedly mocked my special interests and then got offended and played victim when I said this was ableist. They've sent suicide bait to me and my friends.
They've harassed others: they harassed a bi SH fan for asking them to stop saying it was icky to ship her with men until she left the fandom, they harassed someone who made a mod to turn Scratch into Astarion so they could see the animations (even calling this person as bad as Cazador), they harassed someone for making a headcanon about Astarion dancing with Tav, they harassed a lesbian who herself headcanons Karlach as a lesbian and doesn't like Karlach/Dammon but explained why others do, they harassed my friend Mish for saying she was okay with me writing CNC, they sent suicide bait to another friend of mine and said she deserved to get raped so she would sympathize with Mint, causing her to have a mental breakdown and have to go to the hospital for 24 hours, and every time someone pushes back against them, this group weaponizes their identity by saying that person is bigoted against their identity- while ignoring (at best) the marginalized identities that person has, or at worst, furthering oppression against them (I.E. their repeated ableist comments, including one of them snarling at another user about "enjoying your grippy sock vacation")
And despite all these vile things this group of people have done, people are still believing them and sending more harassment to myself and my friends in their defense.
I'm fucking tired.
I'm tired of defending myself. I'm tired of losing people I considered friends to their lies. I'm tired of having my inbox invaded by these vile people.
They are wearing at my mental health and this already made me relapse on one of my addictive behaviors and I am fighting really hard not to do the other one. I'm tired. I loved this fandom and I loved contributing my ideas. I get so many messages from people saying I made them feel seen or made them connect to Halsin's character, and getting a message from a survivor that my posts gave them the words they were lacking for what happened to them and they were able to work through it in counseling was honestly one of the best things to ever happen to me. I really don't want to lose that. Ever. But I can't keep doing this.
I'm not bigoted to my own identity. I don't hurt people. I don't fetishize rape. I'm tired of being a broken record and not being believed because that group is so good at fragilizing themselves. I can't do it anymore.
I just wanted to share my thoughts about a fictional bear man because it made me happy and so many parts of him gave me courage. I wanted to give up cynicism like he did. I wanted to find his strength to take care of people.
But I am honestly very close to regretting ever joining this fandom. I have gained so much from it, it helped my mental health immensely, but this shit has put me in an even WORSE place mentally than i was before I joined.
I don't know what to do. I'm just tired of the way, no matter how much I epitomize "living your best life" I get treatment from these people that I honestly wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I have a lot of painful feelings right now and I don't know what to do anymore. It just hurts and I think everyone would be better off if I'd never made this blog to begin with.
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ribbons-and-keys · 5 months ago
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The Mound: A TADC FAERIE!AU
Hello, I'm Key. This is the first installment of my TADC AU. I'm not sure if anyone else has done a Faerie!AU for TADC yet, but I wanted to give it a go. I thought it'd be something fun to do. (Haven't published fanfiction on the internet in ages lol). Please enjoy! I might end up posting this on AO3.
TW: Slight depictions of blood and a mental breakdown
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Come away, O human child! To the waters and the wild With a faery, hand in hand, For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand. - W.B. Yeats
The young woman wasn’t sure if it was the pain drumming in her skull or the scent of…flowers? Decay? Both? That woke her up. Her eyes hazily drifted open. 
Twinkling lights greeted her with loud hues, much to her annoyance. All of these colors and smells tore at her senses. It also didn’t help that her mind was still groggy. She curled into a ball, hoping and praying this tidal wave of sensations would pass.
She clutched the dirt beneath her. The cool, softness of it settled between her fingers and under her nails. Slowly but surely, she focused and breathed in the sweet, earthy scent. Somewhere in the distance, the sound of gentle music played. Her body finally relaxed.
“The transformation is complete! Everyone please welcome our new member to The Mound!” A booming voice filled the unfamiliar air. Panic stirred in her blood as she bolted up. Reality bit her suddenly- she didn’t know where she was. And she wasn’t alone. 
Not too far from her, shining beneath the gaudy lights, a man in a cherry leather suit stepped into view. A sleek top hat sat on top of his fiery hair. His long, messy locks reminded the young woman of a lion’s mane. His gait seemed to imitate a lion approaching unsuspecting prey too. She tried to keep herself from shuddering  under his wild gaze. But what stood out most was his too wide grin. Perhaps it was an attempt to be friendly-the naïve thought crossed her mind- yet the sight of his unsettling smile made her stomach churn. 
Something was off about this man. 
“That was some nap she took, eh, boss?” a small orb of light zipped into view. It looked like a blue fire with dark eyes and sharp, flamey teeth. She blinked a few times to make sure she was actually seeing the strange creature.
“Quite the nap, indeed, Bubble! Transformations do take a while. How are you feeling, dear?” The smiling man held a hand towards her. Even from where she was on the ground, she could tell he towered over her significantly. 
“Who…who are you?” she asked weakly. She hated how dazed she was. Her body felt like it was dipped in honey, slow and heavy. 
“Why I’m the King of the Mound!” The  man’s smile, surprisingly, widened even more. Before she could protest, he pulled her up and twirled her. She held back a gag from the sudden,  jerky motions. 
“But you can call me Caine,” the man chirped when he finally stopped twirling her. 
“This is Bubble!” The tiny creature steadied her back. Although she wouldn’t admit it, she was thankful the little flame stopped her spinning. But there was still the matter of the smiling man. 
“Why am I here?” the young woman asked with a little more strength this time. His teeth gleamed beneath the gaudy lights. Her mind reeled at the possibilities of his intentions. 
“You’re my new subject, and we’re all here to welcome you to your new home!” Caine gestured to the space above them. Stalactites and stalagmites were a little more obvious to her amidst the galaxy-like cavern. She squinted between the shadows to where Caine was pointing. Had he not pointed them out, she would’ve missed the five silhouettes lingering among the lights.
“Honestly, I just wanted to see the new sucker meltdown,” one of the figures said. 
“Of course that’s the reason,” another figure responded sarcastically.
“Why do you have to be so mean?” one cried.
“Guys, not so loud. We don’t want to overwhelm her,” said a much kinder voice. 
“What’s this about an insect collection?” said one of the taller shadows.
 She turned her attention back to Caine. 
“New home? I’ve been kidnapped!?” she cried. 
“Oh, goodness no! Lemme explain, I’ll get right to it!” She let out a little gasp as the man began floating. These curious sights and unknowns were getting overwhelming. She wasn’t sure how to take in all of these oddities. 
“We’ll start off with your name,” declared Caine with a twinkle in his eye. 
“Name? My name is…” she wracked her brain. Somehow the sounds and letters of her name slipped out her mind like runny wax. 
“You don’t have a name currently, my dear. At least, not since you gave me your old name,” he said.
“I gave you my name?” the young woman said incredulously. 
“That is correct! Your old name in exchange for an eternity of mind bending wonder, joy, and adventure! Isn’t that exciting?”
Her mind hazily tried to piece everything together- a mushroom circle, a grinning man, and the overwhelming need to escape her life. Had she really chosen this? What was going on in her  life that made her desperate for escape? The memories and answers seemed like a distant light that was growing ever dimmer. She needed to hold onto it. 
“Could I…have it back?” she asked a lot more awkwardly than intended. Part of her hoped that Caine would be reasonable and agree. Then again, is there any reason in this place? She thought somewhere in the back of her mind. Her thoughts were cut short. 
Howling laughter sounded from one of the upper corners of the cavern.
“Did you hear that? She wants her name back!” A slap echoed through the air.
“Shut up, Jax.”
“Unfortunately, the deal has already been made. You willingly gave me your old name, so it’s mine now.  Such a small price for all this excitement!” Caine twirled in the air gleefully. 
“Could we reverse the deal?” she asked.
“I’m afraid not. As you’ll soon learn, we faerie folk are very tenacious when it comes to promises.” He floated uncomfortably close. “You could say we’re cosmically bound by them,” he whispered in her ear. 
The young woman stumbled back. The air was suddenly too sweet and sticky in her lungs. She was certain she’d vomit this time. She clenched her hands, nails digging  into her palm. Then it clicked. 
“Dream,” she mumbled.
“What was that, dear?”
“Yes, yes. It all makes sense now,” she said with assurance rising in her voice. It would explain the unusualness of the place and why she couldn’t remember her name. She didn’t need to fear. That comfort nestled in her heart while she gave Caine a determined look. 
“This is a dream! I was reading a book…I think… about…about never mind! I’ll wake up soon enough, but please, carry on.” 
Caine gave her a quizzical look before donning his smile again. 
He reached into his cost and pulled out what looked like sticks. Yet these sticks shined a brilliant gold underneath the cavern lights. Its remaining leaves were studded with dainty diamonds resembling dew. With the flick of his wrists, Caine tossed the sticks high in the air. They came crashing down in an array of letters.
“Xddc?” he scratched his head. Bubble flew over to his side. He gave the sticks a quick glance.
“Would you like the honest or nice opinion, boss?” he asked.
“Neither, Bubble! Your opinion is irrelevant anyway!” Caine said jovially. The little flame gave a gesture similar to a shrug before picking up the sticks with his mouth. He plopped them into Caine’s gloved hands. 
The young woman watched intently as Caine tossed the sticks once more. They gleamed beautifully in the air before thunking to the ground.
Somehow, looking at that name felt like something branded in her. A door locked into place. A point of no return crossed. She didn’t like the feeling. That saccharine stench gripped her lungs again. 
“Pomni! What an excellent name! Everyone give three cheers to Pomni!”
Silence. Then the unkept beat of awkward clapping. A delayed yelp sounded from a silhouette. 
Dream
Dream
Dream
Her mind kept screaming. Pomni clung to those thoughts desperately. She pressed her fingernails against her palm. The pain would make her wake up soon, she reasoned.
Caine’s smile dimmed as he looked over at Pomni. His face was filled with uncharacteristic concern. 
“My dear, you’re bleeding,” he said gently.
“No one bleeds dreaming,” she snapped. This sick imagination had gone long enough. Forget being polite. She wanted this nightmare to be over.
“But you are, Pomni,” he held her wrist and delicately lifted her hand.
She looked at her fingertips. Bright and horribly true, blood covered them. Only then was she aware of the pain eating at her palm. She was without a shadow of terrible doubt, awake. This was happening.
She couldn’t take it anymore. Turning away, Pomni ran desperately. In her frantic state, she failed to notice the rocks and large puddle. She tripped and crashed into shallow water. Pomni coughed as she shakily propped herself up in the puddle.
The ripples settled. Pomni saw a creature stare at her in the water.
Its eyes alternated in a spiral of blue and red. The vibrant irises were a stark contrast to its ghostly skin. The surprised expression it displayed was framed by short, dark hair.  A red mushroom hat dotted with yellows and blues sat on top of its head. 
Against her better judgment, Pomni reached out.
Hands against face.
Hands against face.
Hands against face.
Blood smeared on the face now.
It was her. 
Her toothy grin reflected on the water’s surface. Someone’s laughter echoing in her ears. A symphony of blissful hysteria drowning out every other sound. It morphed into some wretched cry that pierced the cavern walls. 
Pomni kept screaming.
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dootys · 9 months ago
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I realized I never posted this drawing here and since it's 15th anniversary of Friday the 13th remake, I think it's good opportunity to post it.
It has a very special meaning for me, soo... if you are not interested in my mumbling, you don't need to read the following text, just enjoy the drawing 😊
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This art was made especially for For the love of horror, which I visited last November. It was a long journey and not exactly cheap one, but I'm really happy I decided to go.
I met so many amazing people, so many awesome cosplayers and of course the main reason, why without thinking, I bought the tickets and only after that I was trying to figure out how to get to Manchester (it's quite far from my country).. I met Derek himself! And even after those few months I still can't believe it really happened. I can't even express how happy I was, when I saw him. For real, he is the kindest person I have ever met! 🥹❤️
He gave each fan as much of his time as he could, because he wanted to be sure to make everyone happy and feel special and appreciated! Just seeing him interact with fans was a pure bliss!
I was so nervous, because my English is quite bad, but the moment he smiled at me and said Hello, how are you? , the worries were gone and I just talked to him like a friend. Even after all these years, he is still excited about his role as Jason and it was so endearing to see him talking about it so enthusiastically. He welcomed me in the horror family and we talked about our love for horror movies and of course about Friday the 13th.
At the end he hugged me and took a photo with me (he is so tall omg!!😳) and then he asked, what I want to have signed. I showed him this drawing and he was like "Oh my god, this is drawing? You did this? That's so cool! How did you do that?" I don't need to tell you how happy I was when I saw his reaction. And we spent another few minutes talking about drawing and art. He was so afraid of ruining it by signing it, it was so cute. 🥺
I also gave him one print as a gift, and he genuinely looked pleased. And then he gave me one extra signed poster for that! I couldn't believe it. What an incredible person! ❤️ What I heard from other fans, he was nice to them too and signed more than just one thing.
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And the next day, when I went for the official photoshoot, he greeted me with big smile and "Oh hello again! How are you today?" I'm not sure if he really remembered me, but I felt special at that moment. 🥹
I asked him if I can hug him for the photo and he said Oh, of course! and gave me the warmest tightest hug ever. 😭
Such a sweet sweet man ❤️❤️
I would never have believed that I could meet some of my favourite slasher actors, because most of them are from US, which is far far away. I could only dream about that. But last year I saw several of them during two days and met two of them in person. Best decision ever!
Now when I feel sad or have mental breakdown, I remember this moment and it helps me to calm down. Because even if everything goes to shit, I will remember meeting and hugging Derek Mears, my favourite Jason and comfort character.❤️
And I also got a kiss from Michael Myers, but that's for another post. 🤭
Never stop believing in your dreams, because they can come true when you least expect it ♥
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voregeoise · 2 years ago
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A Hunger (prototype)
Happy vore day my fellow freaks(affectionate)! I made this for ya! It started off as just experimenting with tropes I hadn't messed with before.There should be another tale out today that's far less angsty. In the meantime, enjoy this longer tale!
(Posting this draft rn, just ignore that last part)
His name was Vall. He was a Vulcanite.
Compared to his human roommate he was an odd being. Tall, two sets of arms, a pair of antennae and golden eyes. The majority of his body was almost always cloaked by wing-like extremities that were covered in a dense layer of white fur, leaving only his head with its grey keratin shell poking out the top. They were thought to once have been used to scare predators away and look less threatening on the fly. To extend them to reveal multiple limbs and appear larger. Or keep them closed to look more amiable to friends and allies. His kind were also intelligent. It was their knowledge and technological prowess that took them and humans to the local moons of their world so quickly.
But most interesting of all was their ability to halt most bodily processes. They could stop beating their heart for up to five minutes, hold their breath for almost an hour, stop digestion at a moment's notice and halt most brain activity for several minutes. It's assumed these powers evolved to avoid detection from predators thousands of years ago, and simply stuck around even after they stopped being useful.
His human roommate was a nice fellow. He was a private man, he kept to himself, sometimes to his detriment. But he liked him. He was the only person he really connected with, he was nervous around other people. He was a very close friend. A little under six feet tall, tiny compared to him who stood just over fourteen feet tall. He worked at the same job as him, at an aerospace engineering firm. They had met years ago. And now shared they a home together. Their lives were good. Everything was fine, that was until he started having episodes.
He was sleeping when it first happened. He was awoken by an agonizing, gnawing hunger. It felt like had had been starved for weeks. He had eaten only a few hours ago. Why did he feel so hungry? It hurt terribly. He winced and groaned in agony. He tried not to cry, but the pain made in difficult to keep himself together. Thankfully this racket managed to wake his friend.
"Are you okay?"
"No! Fuck, that hurts. I need you to get me something to eat. Grab as much as you can hold and bring it to me!"
"What do you want?"
"I don't care damnit! I said to get me something to eat! Grab any-"
His yelling was cut off by him collapsing to the ground from a sudden intensification of the pain. He clutched his middle, writhing in agony. He heard his roommate run downstairs to the kitchen. A minute later he heard the door open and in walked his friend with as much food as he could carry. He picked himself up and made a beeline strait for him.
He snatched it out of his hands and scarfed it down. In only a minute or two he ate enough food to last him a few days. He didn't even chew. He couldn't wait that long, he needed to pain gone now.
When he finished eating he collected himself. What just happened? Why was he so hungry? What was wrong with him? He turned to his friend, he had a shocked look on his face. There was an awkward silence before either spoke.
"A-Are you okay?"
"No?"
"What happened?"
"I don't know! I just felt like I was starving."
"What do we do?"
"I-I think we should go to the hospital."
A speedy trip to the doctor gave few answers. They figured out that he wasn't actually starving, his brain just thought he was. They had no answer for why this happened, the only idea that they had was that it may have been a mental breakdown. But that didn't make sense, he was mentally well, happy and wasn't stressed. But that was their only idea. They didn't know what possibly could have happened. They could only hope it was one off.
It wasn't.
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Two months later it happened again. He was sprawled out on the couch a few feet from his friend. He was scrolling through social media when suddenly it struck. A stabbing pain, far, far worse then last time. It felt like hell. Thankfully his friend knew what was happening. Just like last time he ran to go grab something for him to eat. And just like last time he scarfed it down in only a minute. But it wasn't enough, he still felt like he was starving. The food barely numbed the pain enough for him to get up and run to the fridge himself. His roommate looked on in horror as he tore through everything in there.
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It was late. And they were out of food. They had had guests over last night. His roommate was supposed to go to the store but everything was closed. He'd go in the morning. But there was a little nervousness between them. It had been two months since the last episode. They were on borrowed time, but they only had to make it through the night. Surely they would be fine, right? What were the odds that an episode started tonight? Well, worryingly likely. They weren't sure he could make it through the night if one struck tonight. They just had to hope. But luck wasn't on their side tonight.
They were so close too. It struck early in the day, the sun wasn't even up yet. An agonized scream woke them up. They both instantly knew what was happening.
"Oh, oh no. Vall, there's nothing for you. It'll be thirty minutes until the stores open and it'll take another thirty minutes until I can bring your food home. Can you last an hour?"
"A-An hour?! I-I can't do that! There's got to be something! Anything!"
"We both know that there's no food. I can get you some painkillers if you think that might help."
Painkillers helped, but they didn't fix it. It was like putting a band-aid on a broken bone. He sat there for a few minutes, groaning in pain. Every second that passed he became more and more desperate. There had to be something! He could eat the houseplants, maybe he could take some food from the neighbors or he could eat hi-
He stopped that thought before it could finish. He could never. Eat him? He'd never do that, no matter how much it hurt. He wasn't a meal, he was a friend! How could he even dare think such a thing! That was too far.
A sudden increase in pain forced him to reconsider, or at least think about it.
Well, maybe he could? He'd be fine, right? He was probably big enough to get him down without hurting him. He wouldn't digest, he could stop his digestion process at will! He didn't need to digest him! His brain was lying to him! He just needed to eat something, anything. To hold him over until the stores opened and he could get some real food. Get something in his stomach. But to eat him?! He couldn't! He wouldn't!
But he was just so, so, hungry. He had to eat. He couldn't wait an hour. He wasn't sure if he could wait another minute. But did that really mean eating his best friend alive? He knew he shouldn't, but the agony in his middle was a good argument that maybe it wasn't the worst idea.
He turned to him, he was pacing the room. Just looking at him he felt hungrier. He looked so, appetizing. No, he tried to force those thoughts out of his mind. What was wrong with him? He felt shame flow through him, before it was drowned out by pain. He had to eat something. But this? Could he really bring himself to eat his friend? He'd known him for years, he was his only real friend! Could he really treat him like a meal? His conflictions were silenced by a gruesome agony. He had to, to make the pain go away.
He stood, it hurt worse then he could imagine. His friend seemed shocked that he could even bring himself to stand.
"Vall? What are you doing?"
He stepped towards him. He felt tears welling in his eyes. He didn't want to this, b-but it wouldn't hurt him right? H-He'd be f-fine in there. He slowly parted his cloak revealing two of his arms. He reached out for him and grabbed his shoulders.
"V-Vall? You're scaring me... What are you doing?"
"I-I'm so sorry about this."
"VALL?! What do you mean?!"
He lifted him until they were eye to eye. Was he really about to do this? I-It wasn't too late to put him down. A stabbing sensation in his stomach prevented him from stopping, he had to make the pain go away. He fully parted his cloak revealing his second set of arms. Fully stretched out his cloak reached end to end of the room. He looked almost angelic, but to his friend he must have looked like a demon to his friend. He reached out and grabbed his legs to stop him from struggling.
He could see the fear on his face, he felt terrible. B-But he wasn't in any danger! It'd only be a little while in there!
"W-What are you going to do?"
"Im just so hungry. P-please forgive me."
His friend who seemed so much smaller then usual stared him up and down, until his eyes went wide with shock as he realized what was about to happen to him.
"WAIT!! Vall no! Put me down, please! I can figure something out! I promise! Just please don't hurt me!"
"I-I'm not going to hurt you! You'll be fine! I-I promise! I'-Im just s-so hungry. Just p-please don't fight it!"
"Vall wai-"
He cut him off by shoving his head in his mouth. He could taste him, to his starved mind he was delicious. He never thought he would think that. He could feel him struggling, but he was no match for his size and strength. He pushed him further into his mouth and swallowed. He could feel his head lodged in his throat. He franticly tried to quickly gulp him down. He tilted his head into the air, slamming his friends legs into the ceiling. With his shoulders firmly pushed into his throat he was practically choking. He needed to get him down quick. He felt as more and more of him was crammed inside of him. He could hear him shouting something but couldn't make it out, he was too focused on his meal. Only a few seconds later the only part of his friend still outside of him was the tips of his feet, and in one more gulp, he was gone. Almost as quickly as it had started he was gone. Completely within him. He gasped for air. He took a few breaths and retracted his cloak once more. He let out a belch. He felt so full. But despite that, from the outside you would never guess what had just happened. His friend was entirely hidden by his cloak. The hunger was gone now, completely sated, he felt calm. For a moment that is.
Only a few seconds later the weight of his actions came crashing down on him. Had... had he really just done that?! Did he just eat his friend?! No... no, no! This had to be a dream of some kind! He was in denial, and he knew it. He felt movement inside him. As the weight of that feeling hit him, erything seemed to lose color, it felt like time was slowing around him. The intense feeling of shame, regret, disgust washed over him. He had just eaten him, alive. That thought rang through his head. What started as the slight sting in his eye quickly changed to complete sobbing. He was a monster! Why had he done this?! How could he?! He was a danger to the people around him! He didn't know what to do as those thoughts swirled violently through out his mind. He felt completely alone. Until he heard his friend speak.
"V-Vall? A-Am I going to be okay?"
"Y-Yes." He squeaked out between sobs.
"Why? Why did you do this? Why?!"
"I-I... I just... I-I.."
He felt him kick, the pain almost knocked him to the ground.
"Answer me Vall! Why did you do this?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!"
"P-please don't s-struggle."
"I'm going to struggle you freak! What the fuck Vall?! Spit me out!"
"I-I will.. Just p-please stop, i-it hurts when you kick."
He felt another kick. It knocked the wind out of him for a moment.
"I fucking hope it does! I was going to help you! And you pull this shit?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!"
He had no answer. He deserved the pain of his kicking and struggling. He just collapsed to the floor and started sobbing harder. He just wanted to shrivel up and die. Years of friendship and trust destroyed, all because he couldn't wait. Every time he felt him squirm or kick or struggle in there his demands for answers rang through his head louder and louder. He felt like a monster. He only wanted to say one thing.
"I-I'm so sorry."
He curreled up and tried to cloak his head too. He wanted to be hidden away from the world, so nobody else would know the horror that became of him. So he couldn't hurt anyone else. He laid there form a few minutes, crying to himself, regretting everything he had ever done. He barely even realized that his friend wasn't struggling anymore. He heard him speak up again, softer this time.
"Vall? It's okay. I'm sorry too."
"W-What do you mean? Why are you sorry? I did this!"
"Me screaming at you is only making you worse. Just, take your time to calm down, it's okay, I forgive you."
"Y-You... f-forgive.... me?"
"I do. You'd never hurt me. I trust that you did this for a reason."
He couldn't belive it. After everything he had done, he still forgave him. He could hear his friend's voice shake, he was still a little scared but he seemed to truly believe that he was safe. His mind seemed to calm a little, maybe they could work this out. He tried to collect himself, but it hard. It took a while to just get to a state where he wouldn't break down if he even thought about what he had done. Maybe now he could talk to his friend.
"A-Are you okay in there?"
"I'm fine, if a little cramped."
"Let's t-try and get you out."
"No, not yet, I have questions."
"What do you mean?"
"I want to know why. Why did you do this?"
He felt tears sting in his eyes once more, but he had to keep himself together, he owed him answers.
"I couldn't wait that long. It hurt, so, so much. I didn't want to do this, I just couldn't take the pain. I knew you be okay, you were never in danger, I just needed something, anything to hold me over until the stores opened."
"Well is it working?"
"Yes, it is." He responded shamefully.
"How long until the stores open?"
"Twenty minutes, but you won't have to be there that long, I'll get you out now, I can deal with the pain."
"No Vall, you can't. Well be right back at square one."
"What do you mean?"
"You clearly cannot deal with the pain."
"Well what's other option?"
"I could wait here for a while?"
"W-What?"
"I could stay here for bit, for you."
"W-Why would you want that?"
"It's not that bad in here, I don't mind staying here for some time if it means you aren't in so much pain."
"A-Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, why don't you try and relax in bed?"
Maybe he was right. Maybe he should just try and relax. They'd both been through a lot in only a few minutes. He picked himself up off the ground with some difficulty. It was a little challenging to maintain his balance, with the hundred and fifty pounds of extra weight in his abdomen. He made sure to carefully lower himself on to his bed, as to not disturb his friend. When he eventually laid back down he finally was able to fully relax, and only then could he really take in the sensations he was feeling.
He could make out every movement, squirm or shift his friend made. It was a strange feeling. But without the fear and regret from before, he almost, enjoyed it? It tickled a little. But it a good way. Like a soothing massage. He could feel his friends breathing. The steady rise and fall of his chest. He could feel the warmth of his friends body heat, it made him feel sort of cozy. He curiously pulled his cloak back to see where his friend was stored. It didn't look all that much different then normal, maybe a minor bulge on his belly but that was it. His friend was almost completely buried under so much him. He was so hidden, yet so close. Only a thin layer of flesh away was him. He hovered his hand over it, an intense desire to feel him. But something held him back for moment, nervousness perhaps? It didn't stop him for long, he gently touched his middle, and to his surprise he felt him touch back. He felt so close to him in that moment. Emotionally and physically.
He wondered what it was like for him, to be in his stomach. It couldn't hurt to ask, right?
"What's it like in there?"
"Blue, your stomach is a deep blue."
"It is?"
"So was your maw."
He look at the mirror in the room and opened his mouth. He was right, it was a deep rich blue. He had never really thought about it that much. It never really struck him as something notable, all members of his species had blue maws. But now, it was a comforting thought to know his friend surrounded by such a nice color.
"I ment, what's it feel like?"
"It's sort of soft and not too small."
"I thought you said it was cramped?"
"It's tight, but not in a bad way."
"Cozy?"
"l-l uh, wouldnt say that. Oh and wet, it is very wet in here."
"Is that bad?"
"Not really, I'm soaked but, I don't really mind. But I am going to need a towel once I'm out of here."
"I can get you that when you're out."
"Thank you."
--------
The sun was up, it had been up for a few hours now. The stores had open a long time ago, but neither of them brought it up, he wondered why he hadn't spoken up yet, but he didn't mind, he enjoyed him being in there. But they couldn't sit here forever, they eventually had to get something for him to really eat. Eventually his roommate floated the question.
"So, how about we think about getting you something to really eat."
"Do you want to run out to the store?"
"It'll still take a while to get there, grab the food and get it back to you. I think you should get it."
"What? I should go out, IN PUBLIC, with you in there? Are you serious?"
"Am I really that noticeable? Am I not hidden by your cloak?"
He did have a point, he looked no different then usual from the outside. But to go out and interact with people, in this state. He was terrible with people normally, he couldn't imagine trying to talk to someone with another, living, breathing being inside of him. Just thinking about it made him nervous. But he really didn't want to deal with the pain a second longer than he had to.
"No" he begrudgingly admitted.
"You can get your food, come home, spit me out and eat some real food."
"But what if somebody asks why I'm walking funny? What if somebody notices the little bulge when I'm holding things?"
"Just.... say you had a good meal or something, I highly doubt anyone will immediately assume you ate somebody."
"You do have a point."
"See? You'll only be out for half an hour. If for whatever reason somebody finds out, you can pin all the blame on me."
He felt calmer, maybe he could. Maybe he could go out and get his food like this.
A few minutes later he was waiting at a bus stop. There was a few more people waiting too. All humans, his kind were vastly out numbered by humans. There was about a hundred humans for every Vulcanite. He stood out. He tried his best to keep his cool. Nobody seemed to notice his anxious behavior. Only a few minutes later the bus arrived. He ducked his head as he stepped on. While modern infrastructure was designed for both humans and Vulcanites, but it was hard to make everything suitable for such large beings.
He wondered if he should sit down or stand on the bus, if he sat it would draw less attention but it would be uncomfortable for his friend, but, if he stood people might notice his.... meal. No, he was over thinking this. Nobody would notice if he stood.
Ten minutes later he ducked his head once more as he stepped of the bus. He was here. When he walked about. He made sure to grab twice the food he'd normally get. He knew that he would eat a lot once they got home, so he should make sure they had more food after he was done. He was shocked to see that no one took notice of him. Well not entirely, he occasionally got a few curious looks from people who didn't see Vulcanites much. He didn't mind though. He understood that humans were very curious beings.
When he grabbed everything he'd need he made his way to the check out. He recognized one of the cashiers. Anne. She was one of the guests they'd had over just yesterday. He looked down at his stomach. The ones that had eaten the last of their food, the ones that had driven him to eat his friend. He didn't mind. He was almost glad that they had run out of food. It had led him to this unique experience.
He made his way over to her and put his groceries next to her.
"Oh! Vall it's you!"
"Y-yeah, it's me."
"Sorry for eating the last of your food."
He awkwardly chuckled.
"It's alright, no harm done."
"Thank you, say where's your roommate? I usually see him here, never you."
He panicked to think of an excuse. She'd be surprised to realise he was here too.
"Oh! He's... he's uh... working today! They're having issues at Helios! They needed him."
She seemed to notice his stuttering language. But she didn't push it.
"Okay... If you say so."
He quickly picked up his food and left. Even though it was minor, the exchange between him and Anne left his heart pounding, his brain had already run through all the ways he could slip up. But he made it. He walked home carrying well over a dozen large bags of food. It was a little hard to hold so much in all four hands and keep his middle hidden. But he managed.
---------
He opened to door and placed the bags on the kitchen table. He prepared himself to spit his friend out and immediately scarf down the food he had bought. No wait, he should grab a towel for his friend. He walked back downstairs and tosses the towel on the table, only then did he notice that he hadn't heard or felt his friend since he left the house. He prodded at his stomach.
"Are you alright?"
"Huh? Oh... yeah I'm fine. I just fell asleep."
"Asleep?"
"Yeah? I fell asleep. Is that an issue?"
"No, it's just, a little surprising to hear that you actually fell asleep in there. It it actually that comfortable?"
"Oh, it's, umm, alright I guess, it's not uncomfortable. Nevermind it, did you get your food?"
"Yeah, nobody noticed. I also saw Anne. She asked where you were."
"Well what did you say?"
"I told her that Helios needed you."
"Did she buy it?"
"Not entirely. She definitely knew something was up but she didn't ask. Anyway, are you ready to come out?"
"Yeah, I'm ready."
"Alright, just give me a moment."
It was at that moment he realized something. How does he make himself vomit? Could he just.... push him back up? He lodged all of his hands under the slight bulge in his middle, and pushed. It made him feel sick. But that was good. After a bit he felt him be forced back up into his throat. He felt him reach his arm up until he felt it pop back into his mouth. He quickly used two his hands to reach into his maw and grab him. It was tough to keep his grip, his hand was covered in drool. But he managed to hold on and pull him out. He felt him be dragged out of him until he was holding him in the air. He was a mess, utterly soaked in saliva. He gently put him back on the ground and handed him the towel. Only then did the hunger come back. He immediately started devouring the food around him. Only a few minutes later he felt full. He took a few deep breaths. The episode was over. Finally. He turned to his friend. He didn't seem to mind the view of his gluttony. He was too busy cleaning himself off.
---------
The sun was gone now. The unusual day they'd had was still on both of their mind. But neither showed it. They hadn't talked about it, all day. The were getting ready to go to bed. His roommate was watching a documentary on his phone in bed. And he was sat at his desk, next to the mirror, reading a novel. He heard his roommate speak.
"Are we not going to talk about what happened today?"
"Why? Is there something you want to say?"
"Well..."
He saw a look of nervousness on his face. Almost like he regretted asking. What was on his mind? Did he... enjoy his time? He assumed he might have enjoyed it. Perhaps he was a little embarrassed to admit it.
"Did you like it in there?"
"N-no!" He snapped back.
He smiled, that was it. He turned to him.
"Did you enjoy it? It's fine if you did."
"I..."
He seemed reluctant to admit it. He knew it would a little odd to say you enjoyed you're time in somebody's stomach. He didn't mind, he had enjoyed it too.
"You did, didn't you. I don't mind, I liked it too."
"Well..."
"Are you not going to admit it?"
"Maybe a bit..."
Ha! He had his answer. But there still seemed to be something on his mind. He knew him, he wouldn't admit something like this without a little... "encouragement" He had an idea. Maybe he could push him a little, it might get him to admit whatever was bothering him.
"Awww, are you upset you had to leave?"
"N-no!"
"Don't worry, you can tell me."
"....a little...."
He got up out of the chair and walk towards him. He had an idea that he might like.
"Say... Maybe you could help me during episodes, hold me over for a while, like today?"
He showed a toothy smile to signal what he was implying. He saw his friend squirm a little.
"I-If you w-want to..."
"Both of us know you want to, that's what bugging you, just admit you want to get eaten again."
"Fine. I had a good time. I wouldnt mind helping you through episodes by doing... that."
He reached out and ruffled his hair.
"Good to hear."
He walked back to his bed, and laid down. He looked at his friend, laying in bed, trying to continue his documentary. But he could see him turning to look at him every now and then. He quickly turned his head back to his phone when he noticed him staring at him. He felt a smile cover his face. He almost looked forward to the next episode. He rolled over to face the wall. He thought about the way he had teased his friend. It was oddly... fun? Just to playfully mess with him a little. He had never really done something like that. He normally didn't have enough confidence to talk like that, but after today, he felt a little more sure of himself.
He fell asleep with a smile on his face.
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islandtarochips · 2 months ago
Note
Heyo girl! I was just thinking about an interaction between Koa and post-Bell Diana/Annika and I wanted to hear your thoughts 😭
We’ve discussed Diana running away to New Zealand and reconnecting with Koa after the nukes hit, so I’ve been thinking about how the first interaction would go!
(TW out of decency: implied suicidal ideation)
Diana would be fully convinced that Koa hates her, and would be repeatedly apologizing for everything she’s ever done wrong. Things she’s done even before she became Bell, or even before she became a Perseus operative.
After having a nice, long mental breakdown, Diana confesses to Koa that she doesn’t want to be alive anymore after everything she’s done. Diana ends up begging him to kill her cause she’s too scared to do it herself.
How would Koa react to the absolute emotional train wreck she is? Let me know your thoughts 🤭
Talofa Liberty! Been a LONG time that I've seen your ask in here! Lol. And I would gladly write down of how Koa feel about Diana/Annika!
Ok, so! After Diana/Annika had said where Perseus is at. Which it's in Dulag! I know she would have told or beg Koa to leave instead of taking this mission. He felt a bit strange from this but understood it. So he tries to make an excuse of telling Adler that he can't take this mission. I'm...still thinking of WHAT kind of excuse that he should tell the team. We'll get back to that later.
And he went. He doesn't exactly understand WHY would the kid tell him to not come. Until he saw the news about the nukes. Which completely SHOCKED him. He doesn't know how to feel when he figured that Diana/Annika told him to leave because of THIS.
Until like maybe a few weeks or a month later, Koa had heard a knock on his door. He went to answer it and stood there shockingly to see her. He was about to ask her something before he saw her crying and breaking down as she started to apologize for everything she had done.
She explained to him about how she got her memories back and how she worked for Perseus. He could see the shame and regrets in her eyes.
And when she started to beg Koa to kill her. That's when he started to stop her and hugged her instead. Hugging her so tightly as if he doesn't want to let her go. And said this...
"DON'T. Don't you ever fucking asked me to do that. NEVER in your life. You may have made mistakes and you may have caused PAIN to others. But...you are just a child...being used by the man who hurt you so much."
Koa will keep on hugging her tightly and keep talking to her to calm her down.
"You deserve SO much more than death. And...that's why...I'm giving you a chance to live with me."
Don't know how she'll react but I know she'll be sobbing right now to hear those words from him. Koa will be happy to have her. Which means she needs to find another identity. She can keep ACTUAL name, Annika, if she wants to. While Koa has to find a way to get new documents for her.
So imagined him asking his Colonel for help and will take FULL responsibility if anyone found out her TRUE identity. The Colonel trusted Koa and helped him and Diana/Annika for their documents. He even gave the two an adoption paper just in case anyone asked about their relationship since Annika looks different then Koa.
And after everything is done! The two lived their happy lives together! However, Koa will still have to be in the army. I don't exactly know if Diana/Annika is going to do. Maybe finding a job? Or joined the army with Koa? Up to you of how you wanted her to live her life in New Zealand!
I hope this is ok for your question, Liberty! And I enjoy seeing the two having a father and daughter relationship! It makes me feel like Koa deserves a second chance though! Hope you have a nice day/evening! Love ya, pele!
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weirdkpopgirl · 2 years ago
Text
Feelings | Jaemin Imagine #4
Title: Feelings
Genre: Angst, slight fluff
Warnings: mentions of anxiety, and (yes another) mental breakdown. how are you guys not bored of me yet?
Word Count: 882
Author's Note: This was an idea that came to me in the morning. Honestly, I debated whether to post it after hearing about today's tragedy. But I think we could all use something comforting in a time like this. I never got the chance to become a bigger fan of Astro, but I did enjoy their music. To all of you who are hurting right now, I hope this can make you feel a little better? Rest in peace, Moonbin 😔.
∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘
For the past hour or so, you’ve been sitting at the dining table in the living room, eyes burning into your laptop. The room was mostly dark, excluding the ceiling lamp which you dimmed. You were editing an animation video for your final in a class, with the serene loneliness of the night to keep you company.
As much as you needed this time to yourself, a part of you feared it. Once the clock hit 8:30 pm, all the bothersome thoughts that sprouted from anxiety began to seep through. You haven’t found a way to stop them from coming. Thus, you have left no choice but to let the voice in your head attack every part of you. Eventually, the voice would tire and rest before returning the next night. 
But the frequent movement of your fingers on the mouse was disrupted by the beeping sound of a passcode being entered. Your head turned in the direction of the clicking noise of the door being successfully unlocked that followed. 
You closed your laptop and got up when hearing the shuffling of shoes being removed. That was when you found Jaemin, walking out of the doorway. 
Despite being visibly exhausted, his lips stretched into a smile, and he wrapped his arms around you. “Hey, Beautiful.”
The previous thoughts invading your mind faded gradually, and you allowed the security of your boyfriend’s warmth to consume you. Shortly after pulling away from the embrace, you brought Jaemin to plop down on the couch so he could relax.
“How was work today?” Jaemin asked, knowing you got off your shift a few hours ago. 
“It was okay,” you replied, forcing a smile. “You?”
Your response didn’t sit right with Jaemin, and he couldn’t pinpoint why. Although you’ve only been together for a few months, he had already picked up on some of your habits. Like when you gave vague answers to his questions, or subconsciously picked on your lip when you lied.
But he nodded, “Work was good. I memorized the rest of our choreography, and the manager bought chicken for us.”
“That’s nice,” you murmured.
“Is everything okay though? You seem a little off.”
Jaemin’s question caught you off guard. You hesitated for a second, not sure if you should be truthful. Sharing your emotions with another was something you hated, especially because you didn’t trust people easily. But you knew Jaemin was probably the most harmless man in the world. So you decided to take a chance.
“To be honest, I’ve been feeling more anxious than usual lately. And I’m barely dealing with it.”
You watched the boy’s brows furrow in concern. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“You’re so busy preparing for your comeback. I didn’t want you to worry,” you mumbled, looking down at your hands.
He reached over to take your hands. His was laughably bigger than yours. Any other day, the two of you would be amused by the size difference. But Jaemin was too worried to think about that.
“ I don’t care if I’m busy or not. I want you to tell me when something is bothering you, Jagiya. Because…”
You felt a lump in your throat and tried to hold back tears that were already preparing for their escape. But then Jaemin looked you in the eyes with such fondness.
“I love you.”
Those three words were not uncommon to hear from Jaemin. But instead of smiling shyly in response like usual, your lower lip quivered. Your emotions burst out of the bottle, and you finally break down.
Jaemin pulled you into a tight hug. Your tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn’t care in the slightest. “Let it out, Jagiya,” He coos. “I’m here, you’re not alone.”
His kindness only made you cry harder. But Jaemin continued to hold you and whisper sweet nothings until you calmed down. Once you did, Jaemin got you to open up more about the growing pile of stress in your life. 
“I’m sorry,” you sniffled at the end, feeling embarrassed.
“Don’t be sorry,” He said, handing you a tissue to blow your nose. “You don’t have to apologize for your feelings. I’m just grateful you told me.”
And suddenly, a sense of relief washes over you. In the past, you always cried alone because you didn’t feel safe being vulnerable in front of anyone. But here Jaemin was in front of you. An incredible man who accepted you, even at your worst.
Without thinking, you leaned in and gave him a long, deep kiss. Jaemin was a little taken aback, but he quickly reciprocated. His hand reached to press gently onto the back of your head, as your lips slowly moved in sync. Jaemin’s touch was so pure and he poured in as much comfort as he could.
When you pulled away, Jaemin had the biggest grin on his face.
“You know, I think that’s the first time you’ve kissed me first.”
You felt your cheeks turn red, and you softly hit him on the shoulder. Jaemin laughed and stopped you from scolding him with another kiss. 
In the end, you felt grateful for Jaemin’s love and understanding. From this moment, you knew that you could always count on him to support you when you needed it the most.
∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘°∘♡∘
54 notes · View notes