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hazelira · 2 months ago

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𝓁𝑜𝓈𝓉 𝒾𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒, 𝒻𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝑔𝓇𝒶𝒸𝑒

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ᴖ̈ ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ᴖ̈ ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ ᴖ̈ ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

The grand palace, adorned with lavish tapestries and golden chandeliers, felt nothing like a home. Its towering walls were suffocating, and the silence that loomed between you and Sunghoon was even heavier. The once vibrant childhood memories of your best friend were long buried beneath years of distance and bitter silence. You couldn't remember the last time you spoke to him - or if you ever really knew him anymore.

You sat at the edge of your bed, staring at the dim glow of the moonlight filtering through the ornate curtains. Your hands trembled as you held the delicate locket that once belonged to your mother. Inside was a photo of her and your siblings - your entire family, gone. You had witnessed their final moments, desperate sacrifice to protect you from a palace invasion. They were gone, and you were left alone, empty and shattered in a world that no longer made sense.

Your chest tightened as the memories rushed back. Their faces, the blood, the screams. And then, nothing.

No one in this cold, heartless palace understood. Not even Sunghoon, the one person who once made you feel safe. He was no longer the boy who stood by your side during childhood adventures, who wiped away your tears and made you laugh until your stomach hurt. He was a cold, distant prince - your husband in name only.

You had caught wind of his affairs with other princesses. It wasn't a secret. Whispers of Sunghoon's indiscretions circulated among the courtiers, the handmaidens, and the guards. You heard it all. Every rumour, every detail, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. Why would you? You weren't the one he loved. You had never been.

A hollow laugh escaped your lips, bitter and sharp. 'Unlovable', you thought. That's what you were. No matter how hard you tried or how must of yourself you gave, you were always left behind. Forgotten. Neglected. It's not even worth an explanation or a goodbye. Sunghoon had shown you that with his indifference, silence, and absence form your life.

Tears welled up in your eyes, burning as they spill down your cheeks. You pressed the locket against your chest, clutching it like it was the only thing keeping you grounded, the only connection you had left to the world that had been taken from you. The grief, the loneliness, the feeling of being unwanted - it all piled up until you couldn't breathe.

Every night was the same. You would curl up in bed, pretending to be the sunshine everyone else saw during the day, only to break apart when the darkness settled in. You sobbed quietly, muffling the sound with your pillow, but tonight, the weight of everything felt unbearable. The loss of your family, the coldness of your husband, the crushing pressure of palace school - it all tore at you until you wanted nothing more than to disappear.

You buried your face in your hands, the sobs racking your body. You were drawing, and no one even knew. No one even cared.

Sunghoon lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. The night was silent, but he could hear the soft sound of your crying through the walls. It wasn't the first time he'd heard it, but something about it felt different tonight. Sharper. More broken.

He turned on his side, closing his eyes, but the sound echoes in his head. Your muffled sobs, your quiet gasps for breath. It gnawed at him, and no matter how hard he tried to block it out, it wouldn't leave him.

He hadn't spoken to you in months? Years? It felt like an eternity. Ever since you married, the distance had grown, and he didn't know how to bridge it anymore. You were now strangers, living in the same palace but completely different worlds. He wasn't even sure if you still saw him as the boy you used to laugh with or if you saw him as the cold indifferent prince he had become.

The guilt twisted in his chest, but he shoved it down as always. He had made his choices. You had made yours. And yet... the sound of your sobs made it hard for him to breathe.

He sat up, his eyes drifting toward the door connecting your room. He knew you were grieving the loss of your family, but he had no idea how deeply it cut you. He hadn't asked. He hadn't been there. And now, listening to your pain, he realized how badly he had failed you.

He considered going to you for a moment, offering comfort, but then he stopped. What would he even say? What good would it do? He had become part of why you were hurting, hadn't he? He had cheated, neglected you, pushed you away. He wasn't the person you needed any more.

Sunghoon clenched his fists, his mistakes heavy on his shoulders. He had thought that by distancing himself, by building walls around his heart, he could avoid the inevitable pain of caring. But now, hearing you break down, he realized that the distance had only caused more harm - for both of you.

You wished you could leave. Just disappear from the world. The weight of everything was too much, and you didn't know how to pretend to be okay when you felt like you were falling apart. No one would even notice if you were gone, would they? Sunghoon certainly wouldn't.

As you cried yourself into exhaustion, you didn’t notice the faint creak of the door connecting your room to his. Sunghoon stood in the doorway, hesitating, his gaze softening as he saw you curled up in bed, your body trembling with the force of your sobs.

For the first time in a long while, something in him shifted. The ice around his heart began to crack, and for the briefest moment, he wondered if it was too late to reach out to you to offer the comfort he should have given from the start.

But then, as quickly as the thought came, it faded. He couldn’t face the pain he had caused. Not yet.

So, he closed the door, leaving you alone once more, as he had always done.

And the silence between you both deepened.

Sunghoon sat alone in the darkness of his room, the weight of your sobs still lingering in his ears, echoing like a haunting melody he couldn't escape. The silence was deafening, but it was nothing compared to the suffocating guilt that clawed at his chest.

He had told himself that it didn't matter, that the affairs with the other princesses were just distractions—meaningless, fleeting moments to escape from the cold reality of the life he had built. A life where he had shut himself off, distanced himself from the warmth you once brought. But now, every memory and mistake came back to him in sharp, painful flashes.

He remembered the words of one of the princesses he had been with, her voice soft yet tinged with disbelief. "How can you cheat with me on such a beautiful woman who's waiting for you to come home and comfort her to sleep?"

At the time, he had brushed it off, pretending her words didn’t matter. But now, sitting here, he realized how blind he had been. You had been waiting for him, even when he never came. You knew about the affairs, didn’t you? You must have. You weren’t foolish and weren’t the type to pretend everything was okay to avoid the truth.

And yet, you stayed. You stayed by his side even when he didn’t deserve it.

Sunghoon felt his throat tighten, the guilt swirling into something more unbearable. He had always convinced himself that you were indifferent to him, that your silence was just as cold as his. But now, he knew. He knew you had been suffering, hiding your pain behind that beautiful, heart-wrenching smile.

And then there was the conversation he overheard. His grandmother had always been fond of you, and you had confided in her in one of those rare moments of vulnerability. He hadn't meant to listen, but he had caught every word.

"Do you want children of your own, dear?" his grandmother had asked.

You had paused, your voice soft but filled with a sadness that Sunghoon hadn’t understood then. "Of course, but he's already given his body and energy to other women. I don’t want to be treated like his mistresses. I want to be treated with gentle love, the kind of love you dream about after smelling flowers and seeing him work so hard for the throne."

Your words struck him like a blade to the chest, realizing how deeply you had been hurt, how long you had waited for him to see you, to love you the way you deserved. But the most painful part was hearing the resignation in your voice.

"You know how he is—stubborn, cold. He has no idea how I feel, yet I’m still waiting for him in the same dress." Your voice had wavered as if you were barely holding yourself together. "Sometimes my mind relapses to death. If I left, there’s no doubt he would fall in love with anyone else because I will be gone soon."

Sunghoon felt his chest tighten again, his heart pounding in a way that felt foreign to him. You had been contemplating leaving this world. You were leaving 'him'. And the worst part was that he wouldn’t have noticed, wouldn’t have even known how much you were suffering until it was too late.

He stood up abruptly, the silence in his room unbearable. His mind was racing, tangled with regret and confusion. He had been so blind, so wrapped up in his world that he failed to see the way you were drowning right in front of him.

How could he have been so heartless? You had lost your entire family, watched them die in front of you, and yet he hadn’t been there for you. He hadn’t offered you comfort or help you the way he once promised he would when you were children, back when he was your comfort person.

He paced the room, fists clenched. Those princesses… They were nothing. They had never meant anything to him. And now, knowing how much they had hurt you, how much he had hurt you by seeking comfort in them, he felt sick.

You wanted to be treated with love. Gentle, kind, real love. The type of love you used to dream about, but he had destroyed any chance of that, hadn’t he?

Sunghoon stopped before the door connecting his room to yours, his hand hovering over the handle. His heart raced, torn between the overwhelming guilt and the need to fix things, to say something, 'do' something. But what could he even say? How could he make up for everything he had done?

He opened the door slightly, peering inside. You were still in bed, curled up, your back to him. Your breathing had evened out, but he could tell by the way your body was tense that the pain hadn’t left. It never really left. It just settled deeper into your bones, quiet and unbearable.

For a moment, he wanted to walk over, sit beside you, and offer the comfort he had denied you all these years. But the fear, the shame, the knowledge that he was the one who had caused so much of your pain held him back.

He couldn’t face you—not yet. Not when he had been the one to push you to the brink of despair.

Instead, he closed the door quietly, retreating into the cold silence of his room, where the weight of his actions continued to suffocate him.

He had no idea how to fix this. But for the first time in a long time, Sunghoon knew that he couldn’t keep pretending. You had waited for him—'suffered' for him—and if he didn’t act soon, he knew you wouldn’t wait much longer. You would leave, whether by choice or by the dark thoughts that plagued your mind.

And this time, if you left, he knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

The market bustled with energy as vendors called out to passersby. Colourful stalls lined the streets with fabrics, jewelry, and delicacies to prepare for the upcoming festival. You walked beside Sunghoon, your presence radiant in the soft, flowing dress you had chosen for the occasion. The sun's warmth danced across your face, but a calm tension lingered between you despite the festive atmosphere.

Sunghoon couldn't take his eyes off you. You were stunning—more beautiful than he could remember. He noticed how your hair swayed gently with each step, how your eyes glistened under the sunlight, and how every movement you made seemed graceful and effortless. You were meant for him. He knew that. You both were meant to be together, from childhood friends to husband and wife.

But something was wrong. He could feel how you held yourself now—distant, guarded like your affection had shifted. His heart ached as he realized that the bond you once shared had been eroded by his neglect, by the choices he had made—the affairs, the lies, the other princesses. It was all catching up to him, but now, it felt like you were slipping away and terrified him.

He stole another glance at you, wondering if you still loved him the way you used to or if the weight of his actions had crushed the love you once had for him. He knew you had stayed and hadn’t given up on him despite everything, but now, something in your eyes told him that you were falling out of love. The worst part? He couldn’t blame you.

As you both approached a stall displaying flowers, you suddenly stopped, eyes lighting up at a familiar figure nearby. Sunghoon's best friend, Heeseung, was there, speaking to a merchant. Heeseung had always been part of your shared past, but lately, Sunghoon noticed you were spending too much time with him.

Sunghoon tensed as Heeseung noticed you and waved, his smile warm and accessible. You returned it, and for a brief moment, Sunghoon's chest tightened when he saw the way you looked at him—a softness in your eyes that he hadn’t seen in so long.

You greeted Heeseung with a fondness that seemed too familiar, too comfortable. “'Hee,' it’s been a while,” you said softly, your voice gentle, as if you were speaking to someone you trusted with your heart.

'Hee.' Sunghoon stiffened at the sound of the nickname rolling off your tongue. He had introduced you to Heeseung years ago, but this was different. How you spoke to Heeseung now felt like there was more between the two of you than Sunghoon had realized. His best friend. His wife. The connection that should have belonged to him was now between you and Heeseung.

Heeseung, on his part, seemed to sense the tension in the air. He gave Sunghoon a friendly nod, but there was something wary in his eyes as if he knew exactly what was happening. Heeseung had always been perceptive, and now, more than ever, Sunghoon felt that his best friend knew more about his marriage than he did.

Sunghoon watched as you and Heeseung exchanged small pleasantries, and his chest burned with an unfamiliar jealousy. It wasn’t just the nickname or the way you smiled at Heeseung—the ease between the two of you, a comfort that Sunghoon hadn’t shared with you in what felt like forever. He had been absent and emotionally distant, and now Heeseung had stepped into the role that Sunghoon should have filled.

You hadn’t given yourself to Heeseung; Sunghoon was sure of that, but the way you gave him your attention, care, and gentle affection felt like a betrayal, though deep down, Sunghoon knew he was the one who had betrayed you first. You had gone to Heeseung for comfort, for the kind of love and warmth Sunghoon had failed to give. And now, standing here, watching you both, he realized just how far apart the two of you had drifted.

As you continued speaking with Heeseung, Sunghoon couldn’t help but feel like an outsider in his marriage. He wanted to reach out, grab your hand, and tell you he was still here and could still be the man you needed. But the words caught in his throat stuck behind the wall of his pride and guilt.

“Sunghoon, are you alright?” Heeseung’s voice cut through his thoughts, pulling him back to reality. You were both looking at him now, concern evident in your eyes—a problem he hadn’t seen directed at him in so long.

“I’m fine,” Sunghoon muttered, forcing a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. But inside, he was anything but delicate. He was breaking apart, realizing just how much he had taken you for granted, how much he had lost in the process.

Heeseung nodded, though Sunghoon could tell he didn’t believe him. And then, just as quickly, Heeseung turned back to you, asking about the flowers you admired, his voice gentle and warm. Sunghoon felt another pang in his chest as he watched you smile softly, answering Heeseung in a reserved tone for people you cared about.

Sunghoon’s hand clenched at his side. He should be the one making you smile like that. He should be the one you turned to for comfort, for love. But he had been absent for so long, locked in his selfish world, and now you were slipping through his fingers. He wasn’t sure if he could fix this. He wasn’t sure if you even wanted him to anymore.

And yet, as he stood there, watching you interact with his best friend, a quiet determination settled in his heart. He had made so many mistakes and hurt you in ways he couldn’t take back, but if any part of you still loved him—any part that still wanted him—he would fight for you. He had to. Because losing you to someone else, especially to Heeseung, was something Sunghoon couldn’t bear.

He didn’t know if it was already too late.

A few nights later, the palace halls were silent when Sunghoon received the news. His grandmother, ever graceful and composed, delivered it with a gentleness that made it sting even more.

“You’re being served divorce papers,” she said, her voice calm but tinged with sadness. Sunghoon’s heart dropped. “She’s going to marry Heeseung.”

The floor beneath him felt crumbled, leaving him free-falling into a pit of regret and disbelief. He stared at his grandmother, words choking in his throat. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening.

"Divorce?" The word left his mouth in a whisper as if saying it quietly would make it less accurate. "Marry... Heeseung?"

His grandmother nodded, her expression soft yet firm. “She fell out of love with you, Sunghoon. How you treated her - the neglect, the other princesses... she couldn't stay in a marriage where she felt invisible.”

He stumbled back a step, the weight of her words crushing him. He knew he had hurt you; he knew he hadn’t been the husband you deserved, but divorce? Marriage to 'Heeseung'? The thought tore at him in ways he hadn’t anticipated.

The image of you, walking through the market with him earlier that day, your eyes bright as they always had been, but not for him—for Heeseung. Sunghoon had seen it, the way you softened around his best friend and your words and smiles carried a tenderness that you no longer offered to him. Heeseung had been there for you in all the ways Sunghoon hadn’t, and now, you were choosing him.

A paradoxxx formed in his mind, sharp and cruel:

He broke your heart by being unfaithful and pushing you away, and in doing so, he caused you to fall out of love with him. But in losing him, in the wreckage of your broken marriage, you had found love elsewhere - with the person who had always shown you the kindness and tenderness you deserved.

He couldn’t fault you. He couldn’t blame you for choosing Heeseung and wanting to be with someone who cherished you the way he should have. But it didn’t make the truth any less devastating. You were no longer his. You had stopped being his when he chose his desires over your heart.

"She stayed by your side for so long, even though she knew about your affairs," his grandmother continued, her voice soft but steady. "She loved you, Sunghoon. But she was lonely. She deserved better, and she found that in Heeseung."

Sunghoon felt a lump rise in his throat. He had always believed that no matter how distant he became or how many mistakes he made, you would be there. He thought you would always wait for him. But now he realized how deeply he had misunderstood your strength—your capacity to endure wasn’t infinite, and you had reached your breaking point long before he noticed.

"I didn’t —" he started, but the words died in his mouth. What could he say? He had no defence or justification for how he treated you. He had taken you for granted, believing you would always be his, and now you were slipping through his fingers.

His grandmother’s gaze softened. “You’ve lost her, Sunghoon. And this time, it’s permanent.”

The truth hit him like a tidal wave, drowning him in guilt. He had been the one to break your heart, but in losing you, he realized just how much you meant to him. Now, it was too late. You had found solace and love in someone else—someone who had been there for you all along. Someone who hadn’t pushed you away.

Heeseung.

Sunghoon’s chest tightened painfully. Heeseung had always been his closest friend, someone he trusted with his life, but now? Now, Heeseung was the man you would marry, the man you would love with all the tenderness and care you once gave to Sunghoon. And worse still, Sunghoon knew that Heeseung deserved you more than he ever had.

A bitter smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as the paradox settled deeper into his mind.

He had broken your heart and driven you away, yet it was in losing him that you found yourself. You had gained the love you truly deserved with someone who saw you, cherished you, and treated you with the gentle love you had always dreamed of.

And Sunghoon? He was left with nothing but the wreckage of what could have been.

As his grandmother left the room, Sunghoon stood silently, his heart heavy with the weight of his mistakes. He had lost you, not just to anyone—but to his best friend, the one man who had loved you the way Sunghoon should have.

It was his fault—all of it.

He hadn’t just lost his wife; he had lost the one person who had always been his comfort, his childhood best friend, the woman who had once been his entire world.

And now, you belonged to someone else.

Sunghoon turned toward the window, watching the sun set, casting a warm, golden light over the palace grounds. The festival preparations continued below, but he couldn’t focus on any of it. His world had come crashing down, and there was nothing left for him but the aching realization that he had let the one person he loved slip away.

You were gone, and this time, you weren’t coming back.

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