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cynicalone94 · 7 months

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Please Don't

Read on AO3 here.

Jay is at his desk, already hard at work on the case by the time the rest of the unit returns from the crime scene.

He clearly doesn’t want to talk about what had happened so they follow his lead, settling in to go over leads.

Jay’s already made up the first case board with history on their victim.

“I think I have an angle on this and I don’t like it.” he says, looking up at them.

“Let’s hear it.” Voight says.

“Our vic, Darren Redford, worked security at the water treatment plant.” Jay says. “Located on the shore of Lake Michigan, all running water that goes through Chicago is processed through the facility. The Middle East angle suggests a possible terror attack and this would be an ugly one.”

“If he works security, he might have been able to give them access to the plant.” Hailey comments.

“We need to find out if he did.” Voight says. “Maybe they had to give up and cut their losses.”

“Even if they did.” Jay says. “They’ll find a way into the plant or somewhere else they can cause a lot of damage.”

“We need to find them too.” Voight agrees. “We’ve got pods from the park where he was found and patrol is canvassing for victims. Was there a missing persons report?”

“No.” Jay says. “I do have a next of kin, a sister who lives in Englewood.”

“Take Hailey and make the notification.” Voight orders. “And then head out to the plant. We need to narrow down when he was kidnapped.”

He nods, reaching for his jacket and heading for the stairs with Hailey following.

“Sorry for ditching you earlier.” he says quietly.

“Don’t worry about it.” she tells him. “You okay?”

“It… uh… it threw me for a minute. But I’m good.” he tells her honestly. “I talked to Will.”

She nods, squeezing his arm as they split, going to opposite sides of the truck.

“We need to handle this.” he says as he starts the engine. “But maybe when it’s over we can do our thing?”

“Of course.” she tells him quickly.

He offers her a smile and she feels her stomach flip. As if she would ever deny him their thing.

The sister is shattered by the news but can’t tell them anything. She and Darren don’t see each other often and haven’t spoken even by phone for almost two weeks.

After making sure a neighbor is able to sit with her, Jay and Hailey head to the plant.

It isn’t much more productive.

Darren had taken an unexpected vacation a little over a week ago and nobody has heard from him since.

They are able to ascertain that his credentials haven’t been used to access the plant since then. Jay encourages the management to increase security until they can find the killers and to ensure that his access his terminated immediately.

After getting information on any threats that have been made they reluctantly leave, calling Voight with an update as soon as they get outside.

They get their first big break in the case just as they pull out of the plant.

And it isn’t a good one.

A large truck comes out of nowhere to ram into the passenger side of the truck as Jay pulls onto the road, sending the truck careening off the road to impact the security fence.

Jay is tossed around roughly by the impact, head bouncing off the door several times before the truck comes to a stop.

He looks over, blinking to clear his vision to see Hailey slumped against the console, the door of the truck brutally indented and blood running down the right side of her face.

“Hailey!” he shouts, reaching over to place his fingers against the side of her neck while he reaches for the radio with his other hand. “5021 George. Need an ambulance and CFD to the Water Treatment Plant, Officer injured. Suspect vehicle rammed us off the road.”

His door is pulled open and he glances back to see two individuals in dark clothes and ski masks standing behind him.

“Who the hell are you?” he snarls.

It’s a dumb question. It’s whoever had murdered Darren Redford. But why come after them? This doesn’t move whatever plan Darren had spoiled by refusing to talk forward.

“You’re coming with us.” the man says, pointing a rifle at him.

So they can torture him like they’d tortured Darren his mind is quick to supply but he shoves the panic down. This isn’t the time.

“You leave her alone.” he says.

Hailey’s hurt but she’s breathing and her heart is beating. Paramedics are on the way and they’ll take care of her.

“Get out of the truck.” the man snaps back and Jay unbuckles his seat belt, sliding down with his hands up.

His gun is pulled from his holster and thrown carelessly onto the seat. It’s followed by his phone and then he’s being shoved away from the truck and toward a dark SUV.

He ends up in the backseat, sandwiched between two men with guns as the doors slam closed.

He hasn’t been restrained but that doesn’t make him feel any better about the whole situation.

He tries telling himself that he doesn’t care what they do to him as long as Hailey is okay but the truth is that he does care.

He cares a lot.

They can beat him, shock him, burn him and he really won’t care that much. He can take a beating and keep on kicking. He always could, even in elementary school when his worst enemies were bullies on the playground.

But if they fuck around with needles there’s a good chance he’ll lose his shit.

And Will is definitely going to have to come to his apartment with his flu shot next year.

“So what’s the plan then?” he says darkly. “Cause things didn’t work out so well with your friend, Redford, did they?”

“Should be more worried about yourself than our plans.” the man in the front seat says, turning to look at him. “You’ve seen what we do to the people that we need information from.”

“Yeah.” Jay scoffs. “And what exactly is that you want to know?”

“Nothing.” the man says. “But I saw you at the scene, saw you when your team found Redford’s body. Something that we did to him got to you. And I want to know what.”

Jay’s stomach flips but he forces his face to remain neutral.

“That’s a pretty dumb reason to kidnap a cop. Did you even think this through? My team is going to find you. And whatever plan you had goes out the window.”

“I don’t think so.” the man says. “But it doesn’t matter. I want to see you break.”

Jay returns the eager, overly exciting look with a glare and doesn’t say anything.

All too soon, they arrive at a warehouse in a dying industrial district. He’s pulled from the car and drug inside, strapped tightly to a chair in the middle of the open room.

His captors start small, attacking him with their feet and fists.

The blows are painful but nothing that he hasn’t endured before and they quickly abandon that method.

The man from the car is just standing there nearby, watching him and Jay can see him mentally checking something off his list.

He hands one of his men a knife and Jay just raises an eyebrow as it bites into his skin.

He chuckles, waving to them to keep cutting and Jay rolls his eyes, trying to force his tense muscles to relax.

When the man finally waves them off, he looks down to see the words ‘filthy pig’ carved into his chest.

They try electricity next and try as he might, he can’t hold back the screams that escape him with every press of the cattle prod against his vulnerable flesh.

But it doesn’t even come close to breaking him and the man quickly sees that, shaking his head after only five shocks and waving his men on to the next torment on his list.

Waterboarding is hell on earth and anyone who tells you otherwise has never experienced it or is lying to you.

He can’t help fighting back as he’s released from the chair and taken over to the slanted table.

It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s up next and while he can ultimately handle it, while it won’t be what the bastard is looking for, that doesn’t mean that he’s ready to let it happen.

A blow to the back of the head sends him tumbling to the ground and then they take hold of his arms and drag him over to the table.

He doesn’t get much chance to fight back, still disoriented from the hit, before he’s strapped down, wrists and ankles first and then additional straps ensuring that he can’t move even a little.

Soaked cloth is placed over his face and he quickly holds his breath.

He was trained for this. It doesn’t make it pleasant but it does mean that he knows everything the US Army has been able to learn over its extensive history about surviving being waterboarded.

Then water is pouring over his face and all he can do is struggle against the straps holding him down, struggle to get free, struggle to breathe.

The water stops and he coughs hard, choking and spluttering as he tries to clear his airway, tries to catch his breath.

The man is leaning over him, watching with a detached interest.

“Interesting.” he says finally. “That is when Redford started sobbing, begging us to stop. When he gave up the first code.”

Jay glares at him.

Someone grabs his hand and he screams as they jerk his index finger harshly to the side, snapping the delicate bones.

“That … shooting hand… fucker.” he chokes out and the man laughs.

“I’m so glad I’ve had the chance to play with you.” he says with a wide grin. “I’ve never had so much fun in my life.”

His hand closes around Jay’s throat and he tenses, hands pulling desperately against the straps binding them as it tightens and his air is cut off.

But their hold is unrelenting and as he thrashes about, dark spots begin to appear at the corners of his vision.

The man holds his grip until Jay starts to black out and then releases it.

“Maybe he needs longer.” one of the other men suggests.

“He reacted so severely to seeing signs that it had been done to someone else.” the man says, shaking his head. “It won’t take more than one time to get the reaction I’m looking for.”

He’s burned, first with a cigar and then with a hot poker, whipped, and sits for nearly an hour in the complete, deafened, darkness of sensory deprivation.

None of it is pleasant and a number of agonized screams are drawn from his throat. But never once does he lose control the way that the man wants so desperately to see.

Not until he’s strapped back to that damn table and the man wheels over a small tray with needles lined up on it.

His pulse immediately begins to race, eyes locked on the tray no matter how hard he tries to rip his gaze away.

No longer is he worried about Hailey, wondering how badly she was injured, if she’s awake and worrying about him yet.

All he can think about is those needles. About what the man is planning to do with them.

Pain spreads through his right shoulder, lancing down his entire arm and he lets out a choked whimper despite knowing that the man hasn’t done anything yet.

A damp, musty smell invades his senses and he writhes against the restraining straps.

“What. is the code?” a voice echoes in his ear and he turns his head.

He needs to calm down. He can’t lose control now, can’t let this bastard win.

Five things he can see.

Walls. Flick – Needles.

His breathing accelerates; short, gasping breaths that aren’t bringing in any air.

He can hear screams in the distance, the rustle of footsteps on uneven stone, and gunfire.

No.

He’s in Chicago.

He’s not there anymore. His team is coming for him. He just needs to stay strong.

Stay present.

“This is it, isn’t it?” a voice says next to him, the man unwittingly helping to ground him in the moment. “This is what shattered you yesterday morning. The needle marks on Redford’s body. You realized what had been done to him. Perhaps because you’ve experienced it.”

Jay is shaking, still breathing hard, but at least the flashbacks are held at bay for a moment.

The man picks up a needle from the tray and he winces, pulling away from him as much as he can as another whimper escapes his throat.

The man ghosts the needle across his bare flesh, raising a trail of goosebumps in it’s wake and Jay closes his eyes.

“Please don’t.” he whispers. “Please.”

The needle is lifted and moved to hover over his left hip.

Jay starts screaming, thrashing wildly against the restraints.

“Get that away from me you motherfucker.” he shouts before his words devolve into a stream of threats and insults and then further into incoherent pleas.

It doesn’t take long to get his first glimpse of Jay as the team storms across the warehouse floor, shouts of ‘police’, ‘don’t move’ and ‘get away from him’ flowing easily from their mouths.

It’s the only easy thing about the situation because it’s also not long before he realizes that Jay is completely panicking.

“Drop the needle now!” he booms as he sees the object in the man’s hand, sees it’s identical twin buried deep in Jay’s hip.

The man’s face twists in a disgusting fury but he does as ordered.

The other men are equally quick to give up, raising their hands and stepping away from Jay.

As soon as hands are on them, beginning the process of cuffing them and searching for weapons, Kevin holsters his weapon and presses close to Jay’s side.

“No please.” Jay is still begging, sobbing as he fights against the restraints. “Please don’t. Please no. Please.”

Kevin ignores the litany of desperate pleas, resting a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Easy Jay.” he says. “It’s over. You’re safe now. We’ve got you and we won’t let them hurt you anymore.”

Jay doesn’t respond but the pace of his pleas slows slightly, a slight twist of confusion settling on his face and Kevin keeps talking, falling into a steady cycle of reassurances.

Silence falls around them, Voight pulling back the team to give them space as Kevin fights to bring Jay back to the present.

After what seems like forever, Jay’s struggles finally fall still and he’s blinking up at Kevin with something approximating clarity in his eyes.

“Hey.” he says, forcing a smile onto his face as he starts to unfasten the straps holding his friend down. “There you are are.”

“Kev?” Jay gasps.

“I’m here.” he says. “Whole team is here and those bastards are getting locked away forever. Got an ambulance and paramedics waiting to look you over.”

“‘m fine.” Jay says and the smile on Kevin’s face becomes more real.

“Sure you are.” he agrees. “But you know how EMTs are. Get real worried about things like burns and lacerations.”

Jay doesn’t respond to the joke and he sighs.

“You’re beat to hell man. Gotta let them do their job.”

“Hailey okay?”

“Couple fractured ribs, broken arm and a concussion.” Kevin fills him in. “But she’s awake and spitting mad that we wouldn’t let her come on the raid.”

Jay nods and Kev turns away to signal to Voight that they’re ready for the bus.

Jay grabs his arm and he looks back.

“No needles.” Jay whispers. “Please.”

He frowns.

An IV is a given with Jay’s condition. He doesn’t want to make a promise that he can’t keep but he also doesn’t want to refuse his friend this one request.

A very justified request under the circumstances.

“Can’t give you pain meds without an IV.” he says slowly.

“Don’t want them.” Jay says, shaking his head.

“Jay.” he says, biting his lip. “I wish I could give this to you, man, really I do but the IV is not negotiable. What can I do to make it easier for you?”

Jay stares back at him, eyes watering.

“Stay?” he finally whispers and Kevin puts his hand over the one still resting on his arm.

“Done.” he promises. “Not going anywhere, bro.”

#febuwhump 2024 #febuwhumpday19 #please don't #jay halstead #chicago pd #whump fic #tw torture

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vancouverislandtotoronto2023 · 1 year

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Day 17, Monday, June 12: OKC to Kingfisher to Seiling to Woodward to Laverne, Oklahoma to the border and Englewood to Minneola to Dodge City to Cimarron to Garden City, Kansas. 492 km.

Oklahoma City is the capital of the state of Oklahoma and is known for its cowboy culture, surrounding working oil wells, and the 1995 bombing of the Alfred P.Murrah Federal Building. With a population of 687,725, it is one of my bigger stops.

It's raining when I wake up. I dress for, and pack the bike in, the wet. I ask Garmin for an "avoid freeways" route and end up heading north from OKC on US 4 to Kingfisher. The sky is dark as far as I can see, and it's coming down pretty heavily as I turn west on US 33 toward Seiling. Once free of OKC and its interminable stop lights, the roads are clear, and the great plains are long and scenic in their red and green.

I ride for about 160 km and spot a small cafe in Seiling - The Crooked Arrow - and decide to pull in and warm up. I end up eating breakfast with a bunch of locals who explain to me all about farming in Oklahoma.

I asked them what happened to Oklahoma after the dust bowls of the 30s. Apparently as part of the New Deal, Roosevelt's Farm Security Administration provided emergency relief, promoted soil conservation, resettled farmers on more productive land, and aided migrant farm workers who had been forced off their land. The Soil Conservation Service helped farmers enrich their soil and stem erosion by planting trees. It shows, Oklahoma has a lot of trees.

After breakfast, I continue north west on US 183 to Woodward, where I spot a Sonic drive-in restaurant. I stop, take a photo, and since it's stopped raining, strip off my rain gear. The cloud cover persists, but the rain stops. What a difference. Seat and handle grip warmers off, rid of the layers, and visor open, I can feel the sun and wind in my face and hear the sound of the bike in my ears again.

At US 283, I turn north to Lavern, my last call before the Kansas border. I love the grand entrance to this small town of less than 1,200 and stop for a photo.

Back on the bike, I continue north to the border and stop for the obligatory photo of me and the "Welcome to Kansas" sign.

The first town I see is Englewood. A former railroad junction it has fallen to a population of 24. It shows. I take a few photos and push on to Minneola. On the way, I encounter the Big Basin Prairie Reserve, which is a sink hole in the middle of the prairie about a mile wide and 100 feet deep. It was formed thousands of years ago by the dissolving and collapse of gypsum and salt formations hundreds of feet beneath the surface. I took a video of half of it to remember it by.

I gas up in Minneola with about half a liter left in my tank and head north to Dodge City. Yep, that one, although (don't tell anybody), the actual Gunsmoke show, which ran from 1955-1975, was filmed in Utah.

"Getting out of Dodge," I head west on US 400. By now, it's raining again, so I pull over in Cimarron and kit up for the balance of the journey to Garden City. I arrive mid afternoon, which I like as it gives me a chance to unpack, rest, maybe go for a swim, and dinner, then work on my blog and my emails at a leisurely pace.

As I sit here writing, it is pi**ing outside, and it's supposed to be wet all the way to Nebraska tomorrow. I'm too tired to care. I'll make my wardrobe decisions in the morning. I'm going to take another look at that picture I took of a dead tree and go to bed.

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angieloveshua · 9 months

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After the restricted area was enclosed by the police, an ordinary Ford car drove slowly and stopped by an old building 100 meters away. The man in the driver’s seat wore a dark gray hooded sweatshirt and the large hat that shaded his head and upper half of his face, and left his eyebrows in a dark shadow.

He took out his phone and dialed a number. After it rang for the 8th time, the line connected. He lowered his voice and said, “Blue Star Tarantula, my dear old friend whom I never met, I have some have business again… I need the accurate position of a certain person who should have been hijacked by two men around 20 minutes ago in an old warehouse named ‘Reano Waste Steel Recycling Factory’ located in the Englewood district, southern Chicago. Their transport vehicle may be a silver Land Rover Aurora... Oh, come on! I know you did something to the ‘Homeland Security Network’ when you helped the DHS (US Department of Homeland Security) upgrade the system two years ago.”

“Millions of surveillance probes in public areas across the country are in your ‘spider web’, aren’t they?… don’t say that you have destroyed it, you want me to believe that a 3rd rank super hacker in the world doesn’t leave some back-up for the programs he handled? This is an urgent matter- move back all orders you currently have on hand…. I want you to give me all the possible places, wherever that is…. Okay, you set the price… Yes! I will transfer it to your account tomorrow, but I want you to give me the data as quickly as possible. I’ll wait for your reply.” He hung up the call, put the phone within his reach, and then waited as he held the steering wheel.

SHA QING IS COMING FOR HIS MAN!!!!!

#杀青 #无射 #wu yi #sha qing

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hannahiswritinghorror · 1 year

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The Void is Calling

Love voice acting? Horror/comedy audio dramas? We're launching a new podcast, Englewood After Dark, and need some voice acting talent to help us out. Check it out at CCC!

#audio drama #podcast #horror #voice acting

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imjustwritingg · 4 years

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partners pt. 2

Hi everyone! I hadn’t planned on writing a second part to this until Jess requested it, so big shoutout to @ilithiyarys because without her this might not exist. Enjoy and let me know what you think lovelies!

Read part one here.

Part two also on AO3 and FFNet.

It was supposed to be a simple take down. An easy operation. Breach. Apprehend. Everyone goes home. Except it wasn’t easy and all hell broke loose.

The team was doing a raid on a crew selling big guns out of an abandoned warehouse near Englewood. They had geared up, dressed to the nines in their vests and thigh holsters, with their guns at the ready. Hailey and Jay entered through the front while Kevin, Kim, and Adam took the back.

Jay had entered first with Hailey behind him, a steady hand on his shoulder, as he led them inside the warehouse and they cleared room after room.

When a rustling of some kind came from ahead of them, Jay stopped in his tracks and held a closed fist up at Hailey. She stopped behind him immediately and they stood still for a single moment before Jay turned and nodded to the right. Hailey went right as instructed and Jay held the left as they made quick and quiet steps towards an entryway, pausing just outside of it. Jay leaned forwards, poking his head in just enough to survey their path. He gave his partner the all-clear with a thumbs up and the pair of them pushed forward to the next room. They came to a set of closed double doors with dusty plastic windows in the centers of them. Unable to get a clear sight through the windows, Jay reached for the two-way clipped to his shoulder.

“Ruz, report,” he whispered into the radio.

Adam came back seconds later in the same hushed tone. “Back stairwell, south side of the building. We got the eye on the room. Count eight offenders, all armed. Guns are here too.”

“You see a set of double doors in that room with windows in ‘em? They look like hospital doors.”

“Affirmative. Far end of it and they’re closed. You behind?”

“We are. You ready?”

“On your order, brother,” Adam said.

Jay looked back at Hailey, who nodded at his unspoken question, and then reached for his radio again.

“Move in,” he commanded.

The team breached the room from their ends and began taking immediate fire from the offenders. They took out three of them with ease, going for cover behind concrete pillars and wooden pallets and barrels - anything they could use to help shield themselves from the bullets flying through the room.

Jay and Hailey had separated, each fanning out to return fire – Hailey kneeling down behind a pillar while Jay crouched down by a pile of pallets several yards away.

“5021 Henry...10-1, 10-1! Shots fired at police! Requesting immediate backup...we’re taking heavy fire...” Hailey spoke into her radio.

Jay looked over at his partner as she made the distress call to patrol and the two locked eyes. She nodded once, signaling she was okay.

“Ruz!” Jay called out then.

“We’re good, we’re good!” he heard Adam shout back a second later and then Jay reached for his radio again to make sure the entire team heard his next orders.

“Burgess take center, Ruz and Atwater get her flank...Upton on me...in three, two, one...”

The team popped up from their places of cover together and unleashed heavy fire of their own. They were able to take down three more of the offenders, leaving the remaining two shielded behind a wall of pallets. The team moved in closer, ready to end this with the odds in their favor of six to two. As they neared the center of the room, a loud succession of pops rang out one after the other. The team ducked in an instant at the familiar sounds of an assault rifle firing, its bullets tearing through the wooden pallets like paper and ricocheting throughout the main room.

When there was a single moment of silence Jay spoke into his radio again to give one more command.

“Go!”

The five of them moved forward in a line of side by side formation, the distinct sound of a magazine reload happening within feet from them. Adam and Kevin took one end of the pallets, Jay and Kim took the other, boxing in their offenders, and Hailey stood back at the ready in case someone made a run for it.

There was another succession of pops that rang out as each pair stormed either end, and finally took down the remaining offenders. When Jay saw his three teammates were okay and that the perps were indeed down and disarmed, he took a step back and holstered his gun.

“5021 Ida...offenders down, requesting multiple ambos and the crime lab...”

“Hailey, you good?” Jay called out through the pallets as Adam spoke over his radio.

“Hailey?” Jay called out again thinking she must not have heard him with the radio chatter.

He turned and walked around the wall of pallets in search of his partner. Once he spotted Hailey, his heart nearly gave out when he saw her on the floor trying to reach for her radio that had somehow detached from her vest. And then he saw the blood.

“Hailey!” He shouted as he ran over and dropped down beside her.

Jay looked her over with rushed hands trying to find a wound, praying it was superficial and her vest had caught the brunt of it. He watched as she gasped for breath and tried lifting her arm, but she could barely move. He reached for the straps of her vest, removing them as carefully as he could without causing her any further discomfort, and he saw the hole in her chest just above the left side of her collarbone. He immediately applied heavy pressure with one hand and reached for his radio with the other.

“5021 George...10-1, 10-1! Officer down...I need an ambulance now!”

Jay heard the calls of his partner’s name from the rest of the team and in a flash Kevin was crouched down on the other side of her on the floor.

“Kev, I can’t move my hand. Take off her vest, check for any other entry,” Jay ordered.

Kevin quickly did as he was told, pulling at the velcro of Hailey’s vest until he could remove it completely. He noticed the slight tear and burn residue on her shirt and lifted it up over her stomach to see dark purple bruising already taking form just below her breasts. He scanned the rest of her torso and then looked up at Jay.

“Looks like it’s just the one. Vest caught the other. Dark bruising on her chest, probably hurt a few ribs,” Kevin said.

Hailey opened her mouth to try and speak, but could only gasp for breath as she struggled to breathe. Jay shook his head as he leaned down closer to her. “Don’t talk, Hails. Just breathe for me. Deep breaths. Ambo is coming. You’re gonna be fine. Ya hear me? You’re gonna be fine.”

Hailey’s gasps came out harder, her breathing becoming shallower. She lifted her good arm to try and reach for Jay, her eyes closing and opening as she began to fade in and out of consciousness.

“No! You gotta stay awake Hailey! Come on, stay with me. Please, stay with me,” Jay pleaded with her as he felt tears stinging in his eyes. Hailey blinked her eyes for a moment until they closed again, and her arm dropped down to her side.

“Girl, come on! Not like this,” Kevin whispered as Jay pressed harder against her bullet wound to try and cease the bleeding.

Blaring sirens echoed through the broken windows of the warehouse moments later, and then Brett and Mackey, Voight, and patrol officers were surrounding them. Brett made quick work of patching up Hailey’s wound as best she could to try and contain the bleeding while Mackey secured an oxygen mask over the detective’s face. The pair of them, along with Jay and Kevin, got her on a stretcher and they wheeled her out to an ambulance.

Jay didn’t wait for the rest of the team or his Sergeant as he climbed into the back of the cab with his partner. He reached for her good arm and held her hand in his as they were sped off to Med. When they arrived at the hospital, Jay was held back as the paramedics and nurses rushed Hailey through the doors of the emergency department.

He’d been sitting in the same uncomfortable plastic chair for nearly an hour when the rest of Intelligence entered the waiting room. He stood to meet them, catching his Sergeant’s eyes and shook his head.

“Nothing yet,” Jay croaked out.

“This isn’t on you, Jay,” Hank told him.

“How is it not on me? I led that bust. I was calling the shots.“

Hank shook his head. “You did everything right, Jay. It was an accident.”

“She’s my partner. She should have been next to me instead of hanging back. I should have – “

“You didn’t know how it was gonna go down. None of you could have known that. And from what Kevin told me at the scene, you jumped right into action, kept it together for her until the ambo showed up. You did good, Jay,” Hank assured him.

Jay shook his head in disbelief as he sat back down in the chair he had previously occupied and Hank took a seat beside him. He felt the tears he’d been holding back finally fall from his eyes, not caring who saw.

“I can’t lose her Hank,” Jay whispered.

“I know and you won’t. She’s gonna pull through,” Hank told him as he placed a hand on Jay’s shoulder.

Jay looked up and met his Sergeant’s eyes again as he tried to control his heavy breathing as more tears filled his eyes. “I can’t lose her. I – “

Hank squeezed his shoulder as he looked at his detective. “Jay, I know.”

“Jay?”

They both looked up to see Will standing in front of them and rose from their chairs in an instant.

“How is she?” Jay immediately asked as the rest of the Intelligence team and multiple patrol officers stood behind him waiting. He watched as his brother took a deep breath and then locked eyes with him.

“She’s really lucky. The bullet just missed an artery. She’s still in surgery, but Dr. Marcel was able to remove it. She did lose a lot of blood, but she’s hanging on. She’s a fighter, that’s for sure. They’re trying to repair as much of the damage to her shoulder as they can while she’s still under. They don’t wanna have to put her body through another surgery. She has two broken ribs, several others severely bruised, and she’s got some swelling on the back of her head...most likely a concussion from the fall.”

Jay stumbled on his feet as he heard his brother explain Hailey’s injuries and all, but dropped back down into his chair. He rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head to his hands, feeling another batch of tears in his eyes.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Hank asked the older Halstead.

Will took another deep breath and gave a nod. “She should pull through just fine, but we’ll know more once she’s out of surgery and get a scan of her head. I’m not sure how much longer that’ll be. It’s a waiting game now.”

He cast a worried glance down to his brother before looking back to Hank. “I’ll keep you all updated as much as I can.”

Hank gave him a nod and then Will disappeared through the doors of the emergency department. He caught the familiar eyes of Maggie, one of the head nurses, through the doors. He nodded at her and waved her over.

“I heard what happened. Anything you need?” Maggie asked as she stood in front of Hank.

“Can you get Jay cleaned up please?” Hank asked her in a hushed tone nodding down at the detective. She followed his eyes and saw the blood staining Jay’s hands, jeans and jacket.

“Of course. Jay, come with me,” she said carefully as she set a hand on the man’s shoulder.

The contact snapped Jay out of his daze and he looked up with red rimmed eyes. “Maggie?”

“Come with me. I’ll get you some fresh clothes,” she said again with a gentle voice.

Jay nodded and stood from his chair. Maggie placed a hand on his arm and led him into the E.D. while Hank turned to look back at Adam, Kim, and Kevin.

“Did any of those bastards make it?” Hank asked them.

Kim and Kevin shook their heads, and Adam locked eyes with their Sergeant. “Died on scene.”

“Good,” Hank said with a short nod and ending the conversation.

Another forty-five minutes went by before Maggie brought Jay back out into the waiting room. He had been able to shower in the staff bathroom and was given a matching pair of hospital sweats and sweatshirt. He seemed to be more lucid as he glanced around the room. Most of the patrol officers that had once filled it were now gone, most likely having been called back for duty. He saw Kevin sitting in a chair with his head down and his eyes closed; the man really could sleep anywhere. But what Jay hadn’t expected to see was Vanessa Rojas sitting next to the sleeping officer. She was scrolling on her phone and only looked up when Jay took a seat in the empty chair beside her.

“Hi,” Vanessa said, offering a kind smile as best she could given the circumstances.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It all happened so fast and I – “

Vanessa quickly shook her head at him and dropped a hand to his arm. “Hey, no. It’s okay. I’m sure you’ve been going through it. Kev called me. The others had to head back to the district, but Voight didn’t want you to be alone so we offered to stay.”

Jay only nodded in reply as he leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. He felt Vanessa’s eyes on him giving him a once over.

“You good?” Vanessa asked a moment later.

Jay glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow, but she just gestured down at the outfit he had on that clearly wasn’t his. He nodded again and looked forward, his eyes staring out in front of him instead of meeting Vanessa’s eyes.

“Yeah, I uh, I had her blood on me. Had to toss my jeans and jacket,” he said.

She gave a short nod as she kept her eyes on him. “Kev filled me in on what your brother said. Sounds like she’s gonna be okay.”

“I just need to see her. Hear her voice. I need to see for myself that she’s okay. I don’t know what I’d do if – “

“She’s gonna be just fine, Jay. Your brother said as much. Hailey’s one of the toughest people I know, and after everything she’s been through, there’s no way this is what would’ve taken her out. There’s no way she’s leaving you when she only just got you.”

Jay turned his head to meet her eyes then. He saw the knowing smile on her face and gave her a questioning look, but Vanessa just rolled her eyes at him.

“Oh, please. I knew way before either of you were ready to admit your feelings for one another. I wasn’t all that surprised when she finally told me you guys were seeing each other,” Vanessa told him, coaxing the tiniest of smiles from him as he looked down at the floor.

“Ya know, it wasn’t that long ago I was sitting in this same waiting room next to Hailey when it was you back there,” Vanessa said then, pointing to the sliding doors leading into the emergency department.

Jay nodded his head as he recalled the incident with Angela Nelson. How it was Hailey’s face he saw first after he’d woken up besides the doctors and nurses. He remembered the look of relief on her face, the pure happiness in her smile as she stood next to his bed. And then he remembered the day she came to take him home, how there had been something she wanted to tell him. He’d had a feeling of what that something was and he was ready for it then, but he screwed up by almost answering his damn undercover phone and Hailey had closed up on him. He shook his head again at the memory and met Vanessa’s eyes once more.

“I was an idiot then. We’ve wasted so much time. I wasted so much time,” Jay said to the young woman.

“All that matters now is that she’s gonna be okay. You still have time, Jay,” Vanessa told him.

Before Jay could respond, the doors slid open and Will stepped into the waiting room, meeting his brother’s eyes. Vanessa swatted at Kevin’s arm, waking the man from his nap, and the three stood to meet Will as he approached them and gave a soft smile.

“Hailey’s out of surgery and off the anesthesia, but she’s still pretty out of it. They’re gonna take her for a quick CT scan to check her head, and then they’ll get her into a recovery room.”

Jay breathed a deep sigh of pure relief and smiled his first real smile of the day as he stepped forward and clapped his brother on his shoulder.

“Thanks man,” Jay told him.

Will nodded, smiling widely at his brother. “I’ll come get you once she’s settled.”

“Thank you,” Jay told him again and then he was gone as soon as he’d arrived.

Jay blew out another deep breath. She was out of surgery. She was okay.

“You good, bro?” Kevin asked.

“I am now,” Jay replied.

“Well, we all know whose face she’s gonna wanna see when she wakes up so we’ll head out, but keep us posted. Tell her we love her,” Vanessa said glancing between the two men.

Kevin nodded in agreement and clapped a hand over Jay’s back. “Yeah man. If y’all need anything just let us know. I’ll fill the rest of the team in.”

“Thanks guys,” Jay told them.

He bumped fists with Kevin and Vanessa gave him a quick side hug, and then they left him on his own. He sat back down in his chair, finding it easier to breathe as he replayed his brothers and Vanessa’s words over in his head.

She was okay. They still had time.

It was another hour before Will finally collected his brother from the waiting room and led him to the recovery floor.

“We filled her in on what happened after she came to, but the pain meds knocked her out again. She’s a bit pale, but she’s okay,” Will assured him as they stood outside the door to Hailey’s room.

Jay nodded once in understanding before Will opened the door, gesturing a hand at him to enter.

“I don’t foresee you leaving this room anytime soon so text me if you need anything,” Will said from the doorway.

“Thanks man,” Jay told him. Will smiled at him one last time before he closed the door and left his brother and Hailey alone.

Jay turned and took in the sight of her lying in her bed. She was pale like Will said she’d be and her bed was raised just enough so that she was propped up slightly. He could see pieces of bandages peeking out from the neck opening of her gown from the surgery. As he walked over to the side of her bed, he noticed the slight bulge over her chest and stomach through the fabric, and he remembered what Will had said about her injured ribs. More bandages.

He caught sight of a chair in the corner of the room and brought it over to the side of her bed. He sat down next to her on her good side, unable to resist reaching for her hand, and breathed out another sigh of relief at the warmth he felt.

He stared at her face as she slept and found himself shaking his head at the irony of the situation as he remembered the conversation they’d had not too long ago. Back when he and Adam had done an undercover buy with a couple of meth dealers and they were cornered by an unexpected offender with a gun.

“I’m just glad it wasn’t you in my position...”

Jay had said those words to her as Hailey drove them back to the district. After he had held her as she cried for him, thinking the worst had happened to him yet again.

Here they were three months later and she was right where he’d been one too many times before. Laid up in a hospital bed and recovering from a bullet.

He understood then how she must have felt when it had been him in this situation. How frustrated she must have been with him all those times he was reckless and put himself in harm’s way. He made a silent promise to himself and to her in that moment that he’d do better, that he’d be better for her. The last few hours had been his own personal hell and as much as he never wanted to feel this way again, he especially didn’t want Hailey to have to feel it again either.

He kept a hold on her hand, brushing his index finger over the inside of her wrist and felt her pulse beating against her skin. He was sure he’d never felt something so wonderful as he did right then, seeing her alive and feeling it too.

He smiled again as he kept his eyes on his partner, his grin quickly growing wider at the realization that they weren’t just partners. Hailey had become his best friend. His favorite person. She had come into their unit and changed everything for him. Encouraged him to go to therapy, forced him to face his demons, to be better like he tried to be before she came along. He wouldn’t be the man he was now if it weren’t for her.

He lifted her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss to her palm before he put it back down at her side. He didn’t let go even as he dozed off.

When he blinked his eyes open sometime later, the first thing Jay saw was a pair of blue ones staring back at him and he smiled instantly at the sight.

“Hey you,” he whispered. He straightened himself up in his chair and leaned forward, squeezing her hand that he still had a hold on.

Hailey gave him a crooked smile, the morphine still making her somewhat drowsy as it continued to drip into her IV bag, and she squeezed back weakly.

“How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” Jay asked her.

“Yeah, get me out of here,” Hailey croaked out.

Jay smiled at her again, glad to see his partner still being her usual sassy self even with the circumstances that surrounded her.

“Yeah, that’s not happening anytime soon. Not until Dr. Marcel clears you,” he told her. She groaned back in response as she shifted slightly in her bed.

“Seriously though, do you need anything?” Jay asked her again.

“Nuh-uh. ‘M good,” Hailey mumbled as she set her eyes back on him and took in his appearance for the first time since she’d woken up.

“You okay? The team? Did we get ‘em?” Hailey asked him.

“You’re laid up in a hospital bed and worried about everyone else. Why am I not surprised?” Jay smirked at her.

“Tell me.”

“The team is good; everyone is back at the district. And yeah, we got ‘em,” Jay told her.

“And you?” Hailey asked.

Jay took a deep breath as he looked back at her. He could see the worrisome look in her eyes and knew he wouldn’t be able to lie to her. She could always read him so easily even before they’d started seeing one another. He reached out his free hand and held her hand with both of his, clutching on to her as tight as he could without hurting her.

“I’m fine now that you’re awake. Gotta tell you though, it didn’t feel too good seeing the girl I love bleeding out the floor,” Jay told her, his voice raspy as he felt another run of tears fill his eyes.

Jay smiled at her as he saw her mouth part open at his confession and then he noticed how her eyes glossed over from sudden tears. He released her hand before standing from his chair and leaned over the side of her bed to press a kiss against her forehead. He felt her take hold of his hand and looked down at her with another soft smile on his face.

“You love me?” Hailey asked him. Her tone was small and questioning as if she’d thought she might have heard him wrong, but Jay just nodded back at her.

“I love you so much, Hails. You have no idea how much,” he told her.

“Come here,” she whispered, tugging on his hand and trying to pull him towards her. He just shook his head playfully at her before leaning back down and kissing her briefly on the lips.

“I can’t kiss you how I really wanna kiss you, but that’ll do for now,” Jay told her as he pulled away. He sat back down, scooting his chair as close to her as possible, and rested his arms on the side of her bed.

“Stupid oxygen tubes. I don’t even need them,” Hailey mumbled making him laugh.

“I disagree and they’re gonna stay exactly where they are,” he told her as he stared at her with a stern look in his eyes.

“Fine,” Hailey groaned again as she pulled her hand out of his and started tracing mindless patterns on the top of it instead.

“So they told you what happened?” Jay asked her as he watched her.

“Yeah, gonna be out of commission for a while. PT and a lot of desk duty for the next month or two. From what they told me, it seems we’re gonna have matching shoulder scars, partner.”

“Now who’s the bullet magnet?” Jay teased in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere.

“If I didn’t have such a headache right now I would roll my eyes at you,” Hailey told him causing him to smirk back at her. Her fingers stilled over his hand and her eyes started to droop. She blinked them open trying to fight the sleep her body was obviously craving and needing.

“Why don’t you rest some more, huh? The quicker you do that, the quicker you get out of here,” he suggested as he took hold of her hand again.

“You staying?” Hailey whispered as her eyes started closing again.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.

“Jay?”

“Hmmm?”

“I love you too,” she mumbled to him before her eyes closed once more and she gave in to the pain meds.

He couldn’t fight the grin that splayed out over his face as he heard her say the words to him. He squeezed her hand again even though she was fast asleep and leaned back in his chair, content enough now knowing she was alright.

As he sat there holding her hand and watching her sleep, the grin on Jay’s face grew wider as he replayed their conversation in his head. He was so in love with her and she loved him back just the same. He didn’t know what would come next for them, but he was sure that whatever it was they would be just fine. She was okay and they still had time and they would deal with things together because they were partners.

#upstead fic #upstead #hailey upton #jay halstead #chicago pd

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dustofbrokenheart · 4 years

Text

The Lost Boys: Exhale

Dwayne x Reader

Word Count: 3,384

Summary: My attempt at a sad, spooky fic featuring Dwayne, key word being attempt. I hope I was able to do him justice. Partially inspired by Stephen King’s writings.

Ocean waves lapped at the sandy shore, coaxing you to try and open your eyes. Despite knowing you needed to get up, you struggled to keep your lids from fluttering closed again. They felt heavy, like they were caked with cement.

You cleared your throat and tried again.

When you finally managed it, you propped yourself up and took in your surroundings. The moon was full and luminous, sitting high in the sky. A few bits of shadowy cloud drifted by in tangled clusters.

Obviously, it was late into the night but you had no clue what the actual time was which made you nervous.

How long had you been passed out here?

There wasn’t anyone around you at the moment, the next closest bonfire was a small spec in the distance, but that didn’t mean it had been that you had been alone the whole time.

You checked yourself and didn’t feel any injuries, nor were your clothes ripped, so you breathed easier knowing that you likely had not been assaulted. However, you did discover that you were missing our wallet. You cursed and got up on shaky legs, brushing the sand off of you.

So, it was nighttime, you weren’t sure how you got the beach, and your wallet was missing… great.

Crossing your arms, you walked towards the sounds and lights that beckoned to you from a ways down from the part of the beach you found yourself at. As you got closer you saw a set of stairs that led up to a bunch of shops and rides.

The Santa Carla Boardwalk sign was lit up nice and bright. Everything on the boardwalk, shop and ride alike, was decked out in spooky-themed décor.

You spied a large banner that read, “Halloween Monster Bash / OPEN LATE / Sat. Oct. 30th” and a lightbulb went off in your head.

That explained how you probably ended up passed out on the beach—you probably partied too hard for the bash and wandered off after you had had too much to drink. Not a bright move on your part, but plausible.

You promised to try and be on your best behavior for the foreseeable future. Given that it was a Saturday night, and a Halloween promotion at that, the boardwalk was teeming with people who kept bumping into you. Honestly, you wouldn’t be surprised if you had some bruises tomorrow.

You ended up by the carrousel, which had a much calmer surrounding crowd compared to the other areas, and sat down on a metal bench, watching the lights on the ride as it made its slow revolutions.

Suddenly, a group of long-haired boys muscled their way onto the carousel. One in particular caught your attention and you couldn’t take your eyes off of his leather jacket. A big, yellow cat with bared fangs and claws was stitched on the side of it.

The cat, and by extension the boy wearing it, was rugged, yet sleek, dangerous, yet beautiful.

He must have sensed your focus on him because his head snapped in your direction, his soulful eyes making your throat itch and close up. With no other reaction besides the eye contact, he left his group, gliding to the edge of the moving ride and smoothly stepped off.

He sat quietly next to you on the other side of the bench, neither of you willing to speak up. It turned into a battle of wills to see who would break first. After an extended period of silence, he gave in and accepted his defeat with a snort.

“What’s your name?”

Nervous, your hand crept to your neck and his intense stare followed the movement. “Y/N,” you answered. “Who are you?”

“I’m Dwayne.”

“I like your jacket, Dwayne. The stich work is stellar.”

His lips curled upwards into a slow, easy smile. “I haven’t seen you around here before.”

You opened your mouth and froze when you suddenly remembered. “I’m meeting a friend. His motorcycle broke down and I told him I would give him a lift home.”

“Hmm. So where is he?”

“I’m not sure. I-I was on the beach for a while,” you admitted more than a little embarrassed. “He probably thinks I’ve forgotten about him—I hope he hasn’t left yet.”

“Let’s take a walk. I’m sure we can find him together.” He stood up and offered his hand to you.

You were conflicted. On one hand, you had just promised yourself to make smarter decisions; on the other, there was something about this boy that drew you in. He gave you another small smile that sealed the deal.

You placed your hand in his and he led you around the boardwalk, the picture of a perfect gentleman. If gentlemen wandered around in public with their toned chests and abdomens exposed.

Dwayne and you kept your eyes peeled for your friend, but he also persuaded you to stop at a few booths along the way and brought you some food to try. You took a bite of the soft pretzel he handed you. You chewed thoughtfully before giving your review.

“It’s okay. The flavors aren’t out of this world though.”

“Not possible,” he said stealing the pretzel back. “This is the best snack this place has to offer.”

He pressed the back of his hand to your forehead. “You’re not feverish, so I guess that rules out being sick. But you do feel chilled.”

Dwayne stared you down, his eyes looked like they were searching for something. You weren’t sure if he found what he was looking for. The two of you slowed down and you leaned against a wooden rail near the entrance to the boardwalk. As much as you wished your friend would turn up or that you could continue walking with Dwayne, you recognized that it was incredibly late and decided to call it a night.

He also seemed reluctant to let you go. “Will you be back tomorrow?” he murmured. “You can keep me company for Halloween.”

You nodded enthusiastically, glad that he had enjoyed your company as much as you enjoyed his. The two of you made plans to meet back at the carousel again the following night. Halloween night. He stroked your wrist and bided you good-night.

You turned on your heel, feeling the energy within you pulsing as you walked away.

_______________

The next night, you found yourself sitting on the same metal bench near the carousel. This time you felt more grounded and much less flustered. You jokingly thought to yourself that you must be channeling strength from Halloween.

Dwayne joined you on the bench a while later, this time coming without his friends entirely.

“Hi,” you said lamely when he looked at you. “Would you rather sit or walk?”

He chose to walk and you were eager to see where he would take you this time. He shouldered his way through the throngs of people and you followed closely behind, gripping his jacket tightly. The crowds thinned out significantly as you walked down to the beach, the noise further drowned out by the ocean.

Dry sand crunched under your shoes as he moved further away from public view. Eventually, Dwayne came to a stop by a low burning fire which he stoked back to life.

You looked around in surprise. “Hey, this is where I was last night. What a crazy coincidence!”

His dark eyes peered at you from where he sat opposite of you on the other side of the bonfire. But he didn’t comment. Instead, he asked you questions.

“Did you ever get ahold of your friend?”

“No,” you admitted, feeling uncomfortable. “He probably hates me right now. Something was wrong with the bike engine, which is why he needed the ride.”

“That’s cool that he rides.”

“His bike is pretty cool. The body is dark red, and he has wheel covers on it, plus there’s an antenna on the back end.”

Again, he didn’t say anything. He just stared. The mood turned uncomfortable once more, so you tried changing topics to bring back the fun you had the previous night.

“I’m actually passing thru Santa Carla on my way to L. A. More specifically, Englewood. To pursue my dream,” you revealed, splaying your fingers in a jazz hand fashion. That seemed to perk his interest and his lips twitched slightly.

You drew up your legs and rested your chin on the tops of your knees. A happy tingle started in your chest and ran down the rest of your body as you remembered back to another time in your life. Back when you were a small child and made a friend.

You told Dwayne the story of how your grandmother used to be involved with one of the local food pantry groups in your home city. And how you often used to tag along with her when she volunteered because your parents worked a lot. One day you were sitting under the tables and bored out of your mind, you started to doodle on the filed floor. You were not expecting another kid to join you and you jumped when they introduced themselves.

You guys were around the same age and started to seek each other out whenever you went with your grandma while she volunteered. Soon, you were even hanging out when you weren’t at the food pantry.

“People used to freak out when they saw us together in public. It was so stupid,” you ranted. “It wasn’t their fault they were on the streets. Most homeless are in that position for reasons beyond their control. I never judged my friend for doing what they had to do to survive—”

Next thing you knew, you were knocked backwards onto the ground, your head taking a particularly hard hit.

In a miraculously fast move, Dwayne had launched himself across the fire to tackle you. It happened so fast, you hadn’t been able to track him. He moved like a menacing shape, striking with the accuracy and speed of a viper.

Your body locked up from where you were pinned and you gasped for air.

Dwayne crouched above you, his knees dug into your thighs to keep your legs spread apart and his claws gripped into your wrists like a vice. He had taken you by surprise and made sure you were completely immobile and unable to fight back. But that wasn’t even the most terrifying part.

The once smooth planes of his face had changed into raised, sharp angles along his brow and cheeks. His hair hung down over you, like a black curtain, so you had no choice but to look at him. Light from the nearby fire casted shadows where it filtered through the strands of hair, making him appear even more menacing.

He leaned down and clicked his fangs right in your face.

Your heart, which had been hammering like a freight train, stopped beating entirely. The jarring stillness within you made you think that you were having a heart attack.

“Quit playing games, Y/N,” he said darkly, his lip curled up in a snarl.

You were so frightened that you couldn’t respond even when he shook you.

“You’ve been toying with me for two nights now, just give it up. We both know you are not what you claim to be.”

You tried to articulate your shock but you couldn’t must a single sound. He growled gutturally and time slowed down. Was this how you were going to die?

A blinding pain ripped through your head, robbing you of all your senses as everything turned white.

_______________

You hummed and bopped your head to the song that was playing on the radio in your aging car. The sun had set some time ago, so you read the green road sign with help from your headlights.

Santa Carla, ten miles.

That should be a good place to spend the night to spend the night. According to the map you were consulting, Santa Carla seemed like a decently sized city that should have your choice of motels to pick from.

You entered city limits and as you turned a corner you noticed a motorcycle parked on the shoulder of the road. A boy with dark hair sat crouched next to it. Debating with yourself, you ended up slowing down and rolling your window.

“Hi,” you called from the driver’s seat. “Do you need any help?”

He turned and you instantly saw how attractive he was. He stood, wiping his hands on a rag that was tucked into his pocket.

“Something’s wrong with the engine. I don’t want to drive it, in case it gets worse.”

No stranger to car troubles, you felt empathetic.

“Get in. I can take you home, or to a mechanic, if there’s a garage still open.”

He accepted the offer and settled into the passenger’s side. You apologized for not having room to bring the bike with and he reassured you that his friends would take care of it. He asked you to take him home, but first he directed you towards a place called the boardwalk so he could buy you dinner as a thank-you.

Your empty stomach couldn’t refuse food.

When you got out of the car you noticed his jacket for the first time. “Stellar stitching,” you complimented.

He ordered tacos to-go from one of the food stands. “Come on, I know a better spot on the beach where we can eat in peace.”

The spot was isolated, which made you pause with doubt, but the food smelled delicious and Dwayne had been nothing but nice, so you ignored the little warning bell.

Having good food after being a car for most of the day was satisfying and you moaned when you took the first bite of taco. To fill in the silence you explained to him that you were moving down to L.A.

“Just passing through?” he questioned.

“Just passing through.”

You told him about the job offer that had convinced you to leave home and how excited you were to work with the homeless women youth there. “Most of them are in that position for reasons beyond their control. I never judge them for doing what they have to do to survive.”

Dwayne looked at you with surprise. “You mean that?” He sounded almost conflicted.

You assured him that you most certainly did.

The next hour or so passed quickly, you chatting away with Dwayne jumping in here and there. Despite not being talkative, he did a good job putting you at ease even though you barely knew one another. When you yawned while in the middle of a story and realized you needed to sleep.

You told Dwayne it was time to get him home so you could sort out your motel situation. He turned away from you and grew even more quiet. He didn’t move nor make a single sound which worried you.

“Dwayne?”

Then he whispered, “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

He turned around and his face looked monstrous with his protruding forehead and blazing eyes that swirled with red and yellow. You covered your mouth.

He flew at you, pinning you into the sand. You fought your best to dislodge him, screaming shrilly, but it would have made no difference had you not fought at all. You were no match for his inhuman strength.

He wrenched your chin back, his hands clawing into your face to expose your neck. By that point you had defensive wounds all over and one of your forearms had brittlely snapped.

Dwayne reared back, his fangs on full display. The last thing you saw as the beautiful boy with the cool jacket tore into your throat was the wide expanse of black sky dotted with twinkling stars overhead.

_______________

You came back to the present with a terrible moan rattling from your lips. You were still supine on your back, but Dwayne was no longer on top of you. He sat a few feet away with his face still in its vampiric state, somberness radiating from him.

Numbly, you reached for your neck and felt wet, mangled flesh under your fingers. And you knew that if you looked down you would see your blood-soaked shirt and your crippled arm. You dragged yourself into an upright position which was a shaky process as one of your arms did not match the other.

“You did this to me,” you whispered. Dwayne nodded once.

“What—” your voice cracked so you tried again. “What am I?”

“Something was different about you from the start. You didn’t have a pulse, your skin was cold,” he said matter of factly. “But I wasn’t sure exactly until you started talking about your job.”

“What am I” you said more strongly.

“We met for the first time in February…”

“Am I like you?” you asked.

He shook is his slowly denial. You tiled your head upwards and took in the sky, moon, and stars. There was only one other option, the option that was the hardest to admit out loud.

“I’m dead, then.”

“You’re the only person I’ve killed that’s ever come back,” he said unsurely.

Now that you remembered everything, and your ghostly status was brought to light, other things started making sense too. How your sense of taste was dulled at the boardwalk and you weren’t sure where you slept last night, if you slept at all.

It seemed that your earlier joke about drawing strength from All Hallows Eve was too far off from the truth.

“You’re the friend I was looking for. Was your bike even really broken back then?” Trails of thick blood leaked from your open wound.

He couldn’t bring himself to meet your gaze which was all the answer you needed. “It’s a con I use to lure in meals sometimes,” he finally sighed.

“I never made it to L.A. either… Oh, Dwayne. There was so much I wanted to do.”

You started choking up and he inched forward awkwardly, which you allowed.

“It won’t change things, but it wasn’t personal. I needed to feed and you were the first one I found.”

His candid confession unleashed your tears (looks like ghosts were still able to cry) and the moaning returned. He eased you into his lap and hugged you. His hands rubbed up and down your back in an attempt to soothe you.

You accepted that you were dead and you didn’t hate Dwayne for what he had done. That didn’t mean you didn’t mourn what you lost. You cried miserably for a long time before the tears ran their course and dried up.

What a mess you must have looked like with your swollen eyes and fatal wounds, your hair likely littered with sand. That got you thinking: how come you didn’t look like this until now? Hmm. Maybe you had could control our appearance. Or you had to remember the truth first.

And another thing, “What happened to my stuff?”

“We scrapped the car for metal and parts. We kept the cash and trashed the rest.”

That was a little annoying. “Donate next time you need to get rid of belongings. I’m sure there’s a lot of people who could use it.”

“Noted,” he promised.

“How much time do you think I have left?” That was an unpleasant realization, especially since you weren’t sure where you would go next.

He gently lifted up the arm that was broken. You gulped. Your fingers were flaking off into bright blue pieces, drifting in the air before fizzling out. You were slowly disappearing.

It started in your hands and creeped up your arms and legs. Dwayne watched it happened alongside you. You weren’t in any pain, but you were glad that he was there with you.

“I’m scared,” you admitted. “Will you hug me as I go?”

He tucked your head into his chest, his hug comforting. Soon your limbs had completely gone and all that remained was your center. A final release of energy that felt like the final exhale let you know that this was it.

“I forgive you, Dwayne,” you said softly. You smiled and closed your eyes in anticipation.

Dwayne watched as the last of you floated off and dissolved into the night air.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmured.

I hope that I was able to make Dwayne threatening, but compassionate, like I was aiming for. The Umbrella Academy gif is what I had in mind with the scene at the end. I’m actually a little nervous to post this, so thanks to anyone who takes the time to read!

#the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #the lost boys dwayne #imagines

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vicwritesbooks · 3 years

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Of the Lilin by Paulette Hampton

While dealing with depression, Sage attempts to pull herself into the light. What she finds is better left in the dark.

After the loss of her mother and her stepfather’s mental breakdown, Sage Frankle agrees to move in with her aunt and cousin at the Englewood Inn. Soon, her aunt arranges for Sage to begin working through her trauma with a psychologist. As time passes, Sage finds that she is far from healing and begins to slip from reality into a realm of darkness she is unable to escape. After the arrival of her cousin’s intriguing acquaintance, Sage is forced to realize she is indeed trapped, not by her mind, but by her bloodline.

Author’s website

Of the Lilin sparked into life with confusion, spread out into excitement and amazement and shizzled out right at what I’d call the culmination of the story!

“Confusion?” You may ask. Yes, that’s exactly what I said and I believe the story was quite intentionally set up this way. I had one of those moments of ‘wait what, did I really understand this correctly?’which made me even more curious as to where the story was heading. Trust me, by the end of it, everything makes perfect sense!

Excitement really took root, when Thomas and Lucien were introduced. Oh, how I loved Lucien’s appearance! Perfect moment, perfect line rolling off his lips, perfect everything. Little did I know he was going to- Yes, Lucien, with exactly the right amount of patience, with his charm and appeal was one of my favourite characters throughout the book and boy am I glad he showed up the way he did!

Thomas managed to grab a close second place in the contest for my heart, but I’m sure Sage would have a completely different opinion about it! Calm, poised and serene, smart to no end, caring – and I’m certain, loving, had he gotten a chance! – Thomas is a perfect treat and I am looking forward to seeing more of him.

Now I might start counting all the rest of the characters: Lily, Will, Madeline… But then, I could also continue by saying how very well the story was set up to give just enough away until you are ready for more. The world creation is amazing, to say the least.

I do feel like the ending might have been a bit rushed, but by then I was all in with all the action that was going around the Inn and in Sage’s life to care. Perhaps Madeline’s explanations went on for too long. Perhaps, the girls making up their minds only to change them right at the end was a bit too much. Perhaps I needed it all to just slow down, to take a breather… But it didn’t really matter by then! It was done. It was decided. I had no choice but to dive head in with them!

Paulette Hampton has created an intriguing story, great characters and one of a kind world and I would read the sequel in a heartbeat!

#book review #book #books #booksasdfghj #bookish #Paulette Hampton #Of the lilin #indie author #indie authors

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englewoodafterdark · 4 months

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Schrödinger's Pledge

Our vignette "Schrödinger's Pledge" is officially out! Give us a listen. We have it on good authority that you'll find one character very puntable. And that it's excellent listening at midnight, if you're as much of a horror fan as us.

With giant thanks to @podcastjam for hosting such an awesome event. Check out the other teams and their wonderful episodes too!

#fiction podcast #podcast jam #audio drama #podjam #schrodinger's pledge #englewood after dark #pbc podcast jam #Spotify

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rebelbyrdie · 4 years

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Person of Interest AU Story Idea: Codename Christmas

This is an idea for a Shoot AU or possible Hallmark Movie.

Codename Christmas: A little town in Texas becomes the center of mystery, intrigue and unlikely love.

Sameen Shaw had exactly three goals this Christmas, Keep her head down, drink as much as possible and sell her family’s Christmas trees. It was simple enough. She liked the idea of simple. Since her return from Iraq, she needed simple. Her time in the Marines had come to a jarring end when a firefight had gone FUBAR. Three people out of twenty-five had survived, barely. Now she had shrapnel in her leg, back and head, lots of medals, PTSD and a dog.

She had joined up at eighteen and had only one place to go, home. So she was back in Englewood, a town almost too small to be on the map in East Texas. Everybody knew everybody, including her. She was either the Shaw’s prodigal daughter returned home a hero or the newest town drunk. They were about half-right.

Still, Englewood was home and everybody knew everybody. So when someone new came to town, it was big news. When someone new, pretty and female came to town, everything came to a screetching halt.

Shaw had clocked her months ago.

Her mother and father thought it would be good for her to work at the Farmer’s Market at their booth. Why? Only they and God knew, because Shaw hated it. She felt like a zoo animal on display. She’d been thanked for her service so many times that she would punch the next person who wanted to shake her hand.

So when tall, dark and pretty wandered by, Shaw had noticed. Hell, even Bear had noticed, and he was usually only interested in food and chasing rabbits.

There was something about the woman that didn’t sit quite right with Shaw. It was the way her big brown eyes took in everything, always scanning for something. Danger, an exit, a distraction. She was too cautious to be just walking around the Farmer’s Market on Saturday morning. It was the way she carried herself, like she was always ready to run or fight. She was thin, built more like a dancer than a brawler, but Shaw had a feeling she could handle herself. Basically, Caroline Turning was trouble.

It was an almost-cold Saturday in December, and Shaw was busy. Her small lot was packed with families looking for the perfect tree. The three men in dark boxy suits sporting Army haircuts and tactical boots were not her usual customers. They weren’t usual for Englewood at all.

Shaw watched them, instantly alert. Army Rangers. She would know them anywhere, in or out of uniform. It was their walk. They had a very specific way they carried themselves. Their suits also did a shitty job at hiding their guns. She would bet big money that they were packing M9 Berettas. SHe knew damn well that they weren’t the only armed people at the market, they were in Texas after all. They were the most dangerous, though. Besides her.

She had her own service weapon, a Sig Sauer, strapped against her in a concealed holster against her hip. Her jacket, more for cover then warmth, fell over it so it really was invisible.

“Bear.” The dog perked up. “Bewaken.” She gave him a guard command. He was instantly up and at her side, ready for the next command, which was usually attack. She walked around the trees, hiding herself among them so she could track the Rangers (probably ex-Rangers to be honest) easier.

The last thing she expected was to find Caroline Turning hiding amongst the pines. Even more unexpected was that she could clearly make out a double-holster against the small of her back.

What was a middle school computer science teacher doing with that kind of fire power? She didn’t know the specifics, but she had confirmed all of her suspicions. Turning had brought trouble to town.

“Why-” She pressed up against the woman’s back. To her credit, Turning didn’t flinch. “-are those Grunts looking for you?”

The woman turned around slowly and she, wisely, had her hands out to the side to show that she wasn’t pulling her guns.

“That’s a little complicated.”

No shit. Shaw stared into the other woman’s eyes. There was a spark of mischief and interest. Maybe some adrenaline. No fear. This woman was not a school teacher. Not by a long shot.

“How complicated?”

Bear’s warning woof was quickly followed by the cocking of a gun.

“Very.”

Fuck. Shaw let Turning go and pivoted around. Her bad leg screamed in protest at the maneuver. She also reached for her gun, but Turning grabbed her wrist and wrapped her other arm around her waist to hold her in place.

“John, stop. She’s not with them.”

The man was also wearing a suit. He was also Army. His suit was tailored, though, and he didn’t hold himself like a Blackwater thug. There was something else there, not quite civilian. Cop.

“John, I’m fine.”

Turning was still holding her. Now in any other circumstances, Shaw would not mind having a beautiful woman holding her. Not now. Not with guns involved.

“Let me go or you’ll lose those hands.”

Everything, all their words, were barely whispers. The whole little drama was fast, quiet and hidden in the trees.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Sergeant Shaw.”

Really? Her rank? Who was this guy?

He looked around, then opened his coat to show a gold star. Well, that solved that. He was a Marshall. Which meant that she had been right all along. Caroline Turning was not what or who she said she was. She was in the fucking Witness Protection Program. Of all the small towns in all of Texas, she had to walk into Shaw’s.

#person of interest #shaw x root #Christmas AU #fanfiction idea #ficlet #shoot

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writingvampires · 4 years

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Ya’ll remember when I wrote black vampire short stories for Halloween last year?

Yeah, me too.

EASY PREY features four short stories of varying lengths where the vampires are relentless, the humans are lost, and the blood is always flowing.

THE DEMISE OF MASON BENNETT

A man hot off the heels of a tumultuous relationship looks for someone to ease his pain at a hip-hop club on Long Island when he meets the alluring Amara who isn't at all what she seems.

JUNE'S HALLOWEEN [lgbt, suicidal ideation]

June is heading home to kill herself after a rough breakup with an ex and generally rough life. She isn't alone. A vampire waits for her--to save her. But this salvation comes with a price.

THE PROPOSAL

A hiking couple sets out for what is supposed to be a romantic evening in the woods on Halloween. Their night gets bloody quickly when a starving vampire sets his sights on them.

BROOKINGTON HOUSE AND THE VAMPIRE WITHIN

When the Englewood family moves into the quaint town of Rumsfeld, they are eager to start their new life at Brookington House, an old fixer-upper with a frightening past. As their move turns dark, they are going to have to face their fears--and the cruel vampire within Brookington House walls--or be changed forever.

You Can Buy It At These Locations: https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Prey-Collection-Vampire-Stories-ebook/dp/B07ZS6FF21

https://scparris.net/store/easyprey

https://www.patreon.com/posts/easy-prey-of-31175556

#short stories #easy prey #booklr #books #vampire #horror #horror anthology #s.c. parris #writingvampires

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teufelbcy-arch · 4 years

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Everything’s Okay.

October 13, 2019 Three Months since the last visit Englewood, OH Dr. Gravers Office

Three months. It'd been three months since the last time that Oliver set foot into Dr. Gravers' office and he wasn't thrilled about it but the detectives from his investigation on the rape back in June, insisted that Oliver see him again. He wasn't sure why though, it wasn't like he was going to tell them about the last time he'd been there, how he was pretty damn positive that Jameson was back. It had to of been him. The fact he had Jameson's face embedded into his brain, if they had put him in a lineup, Oliver would've pointed him out in a heartbeat. If they had to blindfold him and have them say something, he'd be able to identify him.

Fidgetting with his zipper on his jacket, Oliver sat in the same uncomfortable seat. The same one that he was in three months prior, talking about the incident of the night before he was found. The clicking of the door opening and then closing caused the boy to flinch in his seat, a rush of cold going over him as brown hues looked over to the familiar psychologist. Oliver swallowed back thickly and gave a small grin towards the man, hues watching his every move. His next one? Sitting in the same spot across from him in the same black and white checkered seat that Oliver had been sitting in. The boy wondered who had designed that office. He always thought that abstract designs were a distraction. But what did he know? He wasn't someone who cared about what was on other people's minds.

"Hello there, Oliver" Dr. Gravers smiled towards the boy, raising his hand to adjust the glasses that were lowered on his nose, something that was a bit irritating to Oliver but hell, a lot of things about this office, about Dr. Gravers irritated him. The boy kept his mouth shut, giving yet another subtle grin towards the man, nodding in his direction. Brown hues lowered back down to his zipper, lengthy digits fidgetting some more with the metal.

The sound of a pen scratching against paper rang through to the boys hearing aids. Despite having a hard time hearing, with how eerily quiet it was in that office, you could hear the coughing and sniffing from the people out in the waiting room. You could hear every little sound in that room and he didn't like it, not one bit. The Teufel boy just sat there. Was the doctor expecting him to start this off? Like that was going to happen.

After about two minutes of scratching pen to paper, though it felt like an eternity to Oliver, Dr. Graver's green eyes finally looked up towards the curly haired boy. A small still on his face as he cleared his throat.

"I've got some good news, Oliver. But, I would love to know how you have been lately, hmm?" His voice was that same calmed tone that he remembered three months prior. That was something else that Oliver's mind was wondering about, did you have to have a soft voice to be able to be a psychologist? Kind of like how with doctors, they have that chicken scratch for handwriting, did you have to have the same thing with the voice?

His mind liked to wander from time to time, it was his way of keeping from the truth, letting his mind turn to darkness. He wasn't down for talking about the past. Didn't they say that moving on was the best thing? So, why wouldn't they let him? Oliver barely heard a word that the doctor had said until he got a clear of the throat from the doctor, green hues still on the boy in front of him.

"Oliver?"

Shaking his head some, as if to get himself out of his little world that he had formed just moments prior, Oliver looked up from the metal that was still currently in his fingers and looked towards Dr. Gravers.

"Hmm?" He let go of the zipper and sat up some, re-positioning himself to be less of a slouch in the chair.

"Did you hear what I said?" Dr. Gravers asked, obvious to Oliver's attempt to keep quiet.

"Yeah, sure. Uh, why am I here? No one's bothered me in three months about this whole thing, so why am I here exactly?" Eyes squinting in pure annoyance at that point. "I get wanting to see how I'm doing and all that crap but that would make sense if you uh, cared throughout the last three months but you haven't, so unless Jameson is fucking caught, I don't see what the point is in being here..." His tone laced with irritation.

"Oliver, have you thought about any of this that's gone on since you last were here?" The doctor asked, obviously ignoring Oliver's irritation. The kid didn't scare him and Oliver could tell the man wasn't going to budge on anything. Maybe that was why they had him meet with this man.

A sharp sigh escaped Oliver as he began to slouch in the chair, arms crossing against his chest. "Why's it matter if I have or not?"

"Well, because Oliver. It's the first step in recovery. Have you told anyone in your family? Aside from your mother? I mean, surely you've told your brother, Greg, right? Your sister? Anyone?"

Why did it matter? Who cared if he was raped? Who cared if he was tortured? Who. The. Fuck. Cared?! A loud and almost exaggerated sigh escaped the boys lips, opening his mouth, as if he were going to say something and then looked away from the doctor, eyes on the many, many, many books behind the man.

Who the hell needed that many books? Eyes rolling, Oliver finally opened his mouth and started to talk. "No, I haven't told anyone about what happened to me. My mom, as everyone knows, knows but no one else does. Even with my mom knowing, she still hasn't asked me how I'm doing or anything. She's moved on, like nothing ever happened to me. And my brother-" He paused and shook his head, his mind going straight back to the words from earlier. "Wait, you said there's good news?" He finally looked back to the man in front of him, sitting back to his original position.

A small chuckle came from the doctor's lips, eyes on the boy the whole time. "Well, I see you were somewhat listening to me. But, yes. There's some good news. Jameson has been caught. He's in police custody right now" Dr. Gravers smiled softly at him. "He was caught about a week ago. That's why they asked you to come in. They wanted to make sure things were okay with you before going to the next step in this investigation"

"Next step? What's that?" Bushy black brows furrowed in confusion as Oliver looked towards the doctor, his mind actually letting him focus on the information that was given to him, rather than wander back out. "Why didn't anyone tell me he was caught?! Do you have any fucking idea how long I've been waiting to hear those words, Doc?! Huh?! No idea! Why is everyone so adamant on what's going on in my fucking god damn head?! HUH!?" Oliver's tone began to change, lacing with more irritation and now anger.

Dr. Gravers let out a small sigh the moment that Oliver freaked out. He began to scribble some notes on the paper again, eyes lowered from the boy. That didn't sit well to Oliver.

"What the fuck are you writing?! Huh?! Oh let me guess, the victim is too fucked up in the head to attend the god damn trial, that right?! I'm not fucking crazy! I'm not messed up in the head! Stop!" A rush of cold came through the boy and immediately his breathing picked up. A haze came over his eyes, slowly the boy put his clammy hand over his heart, breathing picking up, sitting back into the checkered chair. A whimper came to his lips as he took his other hand and started whimpering, the pain gradually coming to the surface. He couldn't stop it from coming and his breathing was labored, harsh yet slow.

"Oliver, hey hey, Oliver, please, breathe. Look at me, Oliver" Dr. Gravers set the clipboard down onto the stand with the lamp that was sitting next to him and immediately got down on Oliver's level, eyes on the boy. "Look at me, Ollie. Breathe, okay?"

That was the one name that Oliver rarely heard but for some reason, it was something that tended to help him calm down. Though, it was usually from his siblings or friends but hearing it from the doctor, it helped some. Tears were in the boys eyes, a fuzzy blur came to his eyes as he blinked back the tears, whimpering against his hand, his whole body freezing cold but he was burning up. But Oliver did what he was told, his hands lowered from his chest and mouth, resting in the doctor's hands as he began to mimic the doctor's breathing.

"There you go, breathe, Ollie. In and out, nice and slow" Dr. Gravers spoke, breathing in a deep breath and then exhaled through his nose. "In and out, alright? Focus on something, alright, Oliver? Breathe. Focus on my shirt" He pointed to the duck that was on his shirt. The man had a weird sense of fashion. That was something else that Oliver had wondered earlier, do head docs have to dress weird? Or maybe it was for something like this, to get their patients focused on something? "Can you do that for me, Ollie? Focus your mind on the duck, picture it in the water that's on my shirt, can you do that? Keep breathing in and out slowly but focus on the duck" Dr. Gravers smiled gently.

The boy looked from the doctor's now calm face down to the duck, doing what the doctor said, his breathing still slow. The pain was subsiding, numbing out now. It was still there but it was going away at the same time. It was as if his panic attack wanted to remind him that it was there. The duck began to swim around in that god awful blue colored shirt, hitting into the other ducks on the mans shirt, shaking it's head in confusion. That caused Oliver to smile, a subtle chuckle came from his lips as Dr. Gravers sighed of relief and stood back up, sitting in the chair he was in before.

A moment of silence lingered about in the room. The coughs from the back of him, from the waiting room had filled the silence for a brief second.

"How are you feeling now, Oliver?" Dr. Gravers' voice came into the room again, brown hues looking back to him, Oliver giving a small nod.

"A little better" Oliver whispered, swallowing back, fingers back to the metal on his jacket.

"Why don't we talk about that, Oliver. Why do you think you have panic attacks like that? What do you think started them? You've told me about the attack with Jameson but I don't think that's where it all started, Oliver. I think it started somewhere else, somewhere farther down the line. Your file says here that you were a rambunctious kid, is that right? Do you think you had ADHD? Were you ever diagnosed?" Dr. Gravers wanted Oliver to focus on his questions, it was why he was asking so many, to get Oliver's mind focused and to try and answer any of them rather than focus on the trial since it was what started the attack minutes earlier. "Think back before the car accident, can you do that for me? Before your father passed away. Can you remember the kind of kid you were?"

Why? Why was his past brought up? No one cared, so why was he caring? Why did anyone care? Oliver let out a soft yet deep sigh, licking at his lips, reaching over as he took a sip of the water on the stand that was beside him, no lamp on his though. These were things that Oliver noticed, his mind wanting to focus on the room and not himself but the questions, they lingered in his mind. Swallowing back the water, Oliver closed his eyes to try and remember back before his father died.

"I was a, uh, kid that loved music. We uh, my dad had a Ukulele all the time, I would always play with it" A small smile formed, eyes opening as he looked to the doctor, eyes soft. He received a nod and Oliver was wondering if the doctor would be writing this down but he didn't have that stupid clipboard anymore. "I uh, I was pretty active as a kid. From what I can remember, I wasn't one to sit still. I always had to move around, I think that's why it was so cool living in Manhattan cause it was a big jungle gym to me and I could run around and stuff."

"I could uh, I could run around and almost tire myself out. A lot of people couldn't handle me. My mom, she would annoyed but I think because she understood because my dad had a lot of mental issues, she was uh, she was understanding? I guess?" Oliver questioned, almost wanting an answer from the doctor but Dr. Gravers continued to stay quiet, nodding in an encouraging way. "I think I was diagnosed with ADHD but not until I moved here. But when I moved here, that's when uh, that's uh, when things uh, you know, changed and stuff" He sniffed some.

"Let's focus on your past, Ollie. Let's not focus on now, at least right now. Think back before your dad died, before things changed. How was life at home?"

Oliver nodded to show he understood, sniffing once more and took another sip of his water before setting it back on the stand. "Life at home was good. I mean, my sister and I got along, my brother and I would occasionally argue but I mean, I guess its cause I always wanted to be like him, always wanted to hang out with him and his friends" The boy shrugged, smiling a little. "Greg, he was the only person that could keep up with my energy. He helped me sometimes when I couldn't do school cause Dee, she'd uh, she'd get frustrated with me because I couldn't understand something the second she explained it to me but Greg, he was always so patient with me. He'd help me, even if he had to explain it a million times. I mean, I don't remember much of before my Dad died cause most of it is a blur but uhm, my brother was my rock, ya know? I think he's the reason I made it to each grade. That and my best friend, Tripp. Though Tripp and I were a lot alike, we uh, we helped each other. It was like, it was like" Oliver hated his stutter but it was something he'd always had. When his brain went faster than his mouth.

"It was uh, like a uh, a uh, uhm" He swallowed back, shaking his head. "A domino effect? Is that the right word? Like Greg would help me and then I'd understand it and then I'd help Tripp understand it" A smile grew on the boys face. "But, I mean aside from my hyperactivity, I was a pretty normal kid. I'd get in trouble because I couldn't sit still but uh, you know, guess that's happens when a kid, when a kid, when a kid who has so much energy does when he is made to sit still" He looked at the doctor.

Dr. Gravers smiled. This was the first time that Oliver had actually opened up, aside from the attack. This was a breakthrough. Something that he didn't think he'd get through with Oliver. "Good. Good. My son has ADHD, so I totally understand, which I'm sure is why your parents let you be the kid you were because they understood." He smiled. "Now, let's focus on when you moved here, yeah? That seems to be maybe where your anxiety came into play?" He asked.

Oliver swallowed back thickly. He'd never told anyone about what he'd gone through with his mother after they moved there. No one would believe him and though he was 18 in less than a month, he knew no one would believe him. Even when he told people in the past, they laughed and said that he was just making shit up but he wasn't. Oliver cleared his throat and nodded. He knew he'd only tell part of the truth. The truth that everyone knew about was his brother had gone to a mental hospital for six months, so maybe that was a way to keep the truth alive but still not expose his mother.

"Uh, well when my mom told us that we were moving, we didn't understand. I mean, she says its so we can start a new life and sh.it but I think it's because everything of Manhattan reminded her of my dad and stuff" He shrugged. "The anxiety and depression started around 11 or 12. I can't remember exactly but that's when things uh, got worst at home with my mom and brother" His voice began to become shaky, licking his lips as they started to dry out some. His hands began to tremble in his lap, immediately Oliver tucked them in between his thighs but immediately his leg started bouncing up and down.

That moment, Dr. Gravers grabbed the clipboard off his stand and began to scribble onto the paper again. Seemed what Oliver was saying was grasping his attention but it wasn't something Oliver was thrilled with. He hated that the doctor continued to write shit about him. But he knew he couldn't freak out again. He remembered Dr. Gravers rules on the first day. '2 panic attacks in one visit would result in the hospital for the night' and he wasn't about that.

"Uhm, yeah. I mean, uh, things got bad at around 13, I guess? I don't know. I don't remember exactly but my mom had gotten more into the uh, the Church and seemed to have disappeared. Like, she wasn't our mom anymore. She kinda shut down a lot and apparently, the older I got, I guess, I guess, I uh, I uh, uh, had reminded her a lot of our dad? I don't know. But, things got bad and when I would back talk her and stuff or not listen, she'd freak out. The uh, the basement didn't come into play until around 15 or 16 but uh-"

"The basement? Oliver, is your mother abusing you?" Dr. Gravers sat up some in his chair, sitting on the edge and lowered his clipboard, concern in his eyes. "Oliver, what's the basement?" He asked.

Immediate regret. Oliver cleared his throat and lowered his hues, biting his lower lip nervously. regretting immediately the mention of the basement. It was like his brain went from one thing to another in the matter of a millisecond, his mouth spitting the words out. "It's where I go when I'm bad" His words were low, nearly inaudible. "The basement is my hell" He whispered and swallowed back thickly, hues still lowered, away from the doctor but he could feel the others eyes on him.

Sitting back, Dr. Gravers adjusted himself and the scribbles came back into the room. Reaching his hand up, Oliver scratched the back of his neck and finally allowed himself to look at the doctor.

"Please don't tell them anything, please? Nothing bad happened... I promise" He whimpered, frowning deep. But the scribbling continued. "Please!" Tears formed in the boys eyes, immediately his hands went to the arms of the chair and gripped them tightly, trying to keep himself from freaking out. "Please" He whispered, his voice shaking. "Please" He begged.

"Oliver, I'll let the detectives know about when you're ready for the trial, alright? For now, I would like to see you one more time before then. It probably won't happen for at least another month, the trial that is. So, I would like to see you back here in a couple of weeks, so we can continue to discuss things and then your lawyer and I will discuss what is to happen at the trial, alright?" Dr. Gravers gave him a small smile. "In the meantime, I want you to start writing in a journal" Dr. Gravers got up and walked over to the library behind his desk and grabbed a black book, walking back over and stood in front of Oliver, handing it down to him. "Start writing your thoughts in this, alright? Whenever you're feeling scared, alone, or whatever, write down the date, the time, and what is going on in your head. Be as visual and as vivid as you can. Can you do that for me? I want to help you through all of this." He put his hand on Oliver's shoulder, giving a small squeeze. "C'mon, let's get you your next appointment set up"

Oliver swallowed back and took the book, breathing slow. It looked like a normal book. He was wondering if Dr. Gravers had suspicions about his mother and brother. He didn't want to get either of them in trouble.

"Will it be just mine? No one else will read it?" Oliver asked, standing up from the chair, looking at Dr. Gravers. A small nod came in return to Oliver.

"I'll be the only one reading it." He promised and smiled some. "Just between me and you, I promise" Dr. Gravers squeezed his shoulder and led Oliver out of the office. "Just us" He whispered and opened the door, letting Oliver go to the front desk. Oliver looked back and breathed slow, nodding before walking out and past his brother.

Immediately, his heart raced since Cindy had Greg take him to his session with the doctor. The rape, the attack, all of it was still something he had yet to share with the oldest Teufel and he wasn't sure if it was something he should share. Since his brother had his own issues. He swallowed back and gave a small grin towards the oldest who grinned back but had a confused look on his face. Oliver's face was a bit swollen from his panic attack earlier, his eyes still bright red.

"Everything okay?" Greg asked, coming up behind his brother as Oliver began to set up an appointment.

He nodded. It was all he felt he could do. If he opened his mouth, a possible word would come out that he would regret. Oliver swallowed back and took the note card from the nurse and thanked her then looked at Greg.

"Everything's okay" Was all Oliver said, making his way out of the doctors waiting room.

#the cult leader ;; { ooc }#this is a writing i did of oliver a few months ago #it's really long so i have it under 'read more'#the devil boy ;; { headcanons }#tw: rape mention #tw rape mention #tw: hospital #tw hospital

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doomedandstoned · 5 years

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AS I DIE AT MY DESK

Interview by Shawn Gibson

Can you tell me the meaning of the band name As I Die At My Desk? I imagine dying in a cubicle in corporate hell!

The honest answer to this is that it was a joke. I overheard a co worker say it at work and I thought it would be a hilarious band name. It is also a bit ironic as I always told myself that I would do work I truly love and follow my passions as they tell you that stuff in high school and college and it hasn't worked out that way for me yet! I am not deterred. I do get to make music in my spare time. Music gets to be my fun escape. It gets to be my artistic outlet that I don't have to share if I don't want to. All that aside I am a man who loves to laugh and loves to joke. Despite the themes and sounds of the music which are very real and emotionally heavy for me, the band name was a way to take the piss out of the situation. I can laugh at myself for being a weirdo who likes heavy music, where people scream and howl like demons and laugh even harder at how ridiculous I must look doing that in the bedroom for my music. I am pretty serious about most things, but I have to remember to have fun. That is what I think is important. I'm sorry it's not a very metal answer!

Suicide as Cleansing by As I Die at My Desk

You do everything in As I Die At My Desk, all instruments right?

Yes, I do all instruments and my main goal is to try to not suck. I actually record through a pre amp and I use different virtual amp sims like Amplitube for my tones. I used my Sterling by Music Man John Petrucci 7 string guitar, Ibanez BTB7 7 string bass, and an Alesis brand electric drum set for this record. It's a pretty basic setup, but given the size of my recording space, it's the best I can do. I have been writing for the past eight years or so. This is my first attempt at a metal release despite the fact I am a huge metal head! I was pretty happy with what I was able to do by myself.

What are your influences musically?

My influences range from classical music to jazz to anything under the rock umbrella. I am particularly interested in Soviet era composers. Dmitri Shostakovich, Sergei Prokofiev, and Igor Stravinsky. The first instrument I started playing was a cello at age 10. I graduated college in 2016 and gave a recital featuring Shostakovich and Prokofiev. The desperation and darkness they were able to convey so beautifully have influenced me greatly. I don't have a lot of experience with jazz, but the works of Coltrane, Thelonios Monk and especially Miles Davis have influenced me, as well. I just love especially experimental music and anything that ties to reshape and reform the genres wherein they find themselves pigeonholed. My music doesn't really sound like it to me, but Dream Theater and Iron Maiden are two of my favorites. I didn't actually start to get into doom or sludge until college. Now I love that stuff! Eyehategod is one of my newer favorite bands, as well as Sumac and YOB.

What are some of your favorite books and movies?

I tend to read non-fiction. I am a big history nerd. However I have spent a lot of time in the fiction world, as well. Some of my favorites are Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Twelve Chairs by Ilf and Petrov. I am a big Lynch and Tarantino fan! Blue Velvet and Eraserhead are two of my favorite films. Reservoir Dogs had a really big impact on me, as well. I first saw it when I was 14. It was so gritty and real to me then. That was a very realistic show of violence.

Are you a fan of horror books or movies?

I was a bigger fan of horror when I was in high school. I must have read every Stephen King a dozen times. I don't tend to like a lot of horror books or movies. There are some exceptions, I love monster movies. Give me Jaws or Godzilla any day! I tend to like movies that are creepy or unsettling, but I don't get into paranormal stuff. There are plenty of flesh and blood horrors in our world that are much more terrifying than ghosts.

You have some very heavy music with some very dark themes. What inspired 'Suicide As Cleansing' as your album title?

I am depressed and have anxiety. What more is there to say? To answer your question, though, the title popped into my head one day. I remember I was reading something on social media about mental health and the act of suicide. Someone described suicide as an act of cleansing. That idea stuck with me and I thought about it for quite some time. I decided to use that in an overall positive way. I thought that since I was channeling my negative and destructive feeling into my music, I was attempting to kill myself. Attempting to kill a bad part of myself that I don't want to have to deal with all the time and thus conducting a cleansing of sorts. I wanted that to be the album title because it reflected the whole reason I was making the record. It doesn't help to keep those feelings bottled up cause they fester. I urge anyone who has suicidal or self harming thoughts to seek help. Talk to people; they will listen. You may feel like it doesn't help, but it does. I struggle, but I feel better when I know I'm safe to talk about it. Here's why I give my wife a huge shout-out for being so supportive and understanding!

What was the inspiration for your songs on 'Suicide As Cleansing'?

The inspiration for this whole record was feeling trapped and depressed. Modern day life appears to be doing that for younger generations these days. Waking up one day and realizing careers that you were dead set on are no longer sustainable. Seeing all of the political strife becoming more prominent and ruining friendly and familial relationships. We live in a very depressing world. I don't need to get into all the issues facing us but there are many and enough that are potentially world ending are enough, to make anyone uneasy. In that way I feel that genuine themes of feeling trapped, powerless, isolated and really angry are appropriate.

I would say "No Pride" is one of my favorites. The gallop of the drums, the riff! I feel myself rocking and swaying. Definitely banging my head!

Thanks! It might be my favorite song on the album. It was actually fun to record that one and I did it in far fewer takes than the other ones.

"Trapped In The Bass-Ment" is hypnotizing! It's almost a chance to catch your breath from the other six songs that precede it!

I appreciate the comments! The whole track was written and recorded in one sitting. I am a big fan of drone and ambient music so it seemed fitting. I felt that even I needed a break after "No Pride." It just hit me really hard in conjunction with all the earlier tracks. I worried it might be boring for people, but I silenced that voice. I try to make music for myself, but I really appreciate it when people like my work!

"Annihilate Me" is the equivalent of the musical Dim Mak! Nine-minutes-and-fifty-eight seconds of destruction! Tell me about this song.

"Annihilate Me" was written over a span of about three days. I was in the middle of a very depressive episode and I remember sitting down with my guitar and playing the heaviest, angriest, gnarliest stuff I could get out of it. There was no preconceived plan as to lyrics or vocals. After I recorded the guitars and drums, I screamed anything that came to mind. It was a very cathartic episode and I view it as the perfect ending to an unpleasant journey.

Where did the artwork for 'Suicide As Cleansing' come from? What does it mean to you?

The cover art is a photograph taken from my lovely wife, who gets another shout-out. We were hiking at the Englewood Metropark and we noticed the tree almost all by itself. She took a bunch of photos of it because it was cool and interesting, also creepy. One thing I remember clearly, was the tree's base was covered with these beautiful yellow flowers. In a way I felt it represented the album. The tree itself was dead and bare. It was a little unsettling especially in the photos my wife took. The fact that life had sprung from this dead tree seemed to fit this theme of killing a part of yourself or perhaps a rebirth.

Calculating the Cost of Existence by As I Die at My Desk

Your second album 'Calculating The Cost of Existence' (2019) came out in December. What can you tell us about the new project?

I will say in terms of sound, the new record came out with a different sound. It's a doomy, sludgey mess for sure. There are more introspective parts included. The music is expressing a greater array of feelings than the first.

Another one-man effort?

Yes, I did all the instruments again. As long as I possess the tools to do it, it certainly makes it easier in the creative process not having to deal with other personalities or egos on something so deeply personal to me. Now with that said, I don't mind collaborating or anything in the future.

Is that strenuous at times doing everything in the band?

The worst part about recording is I am not the best musician. It is strenuous when I have to perform everything and I am not that great. (laughs) My skills on guitar and drums are intermediate at best. I have played bass longer so I am a much more confident bass player than I am anything else but that's not saying a lot. It also doesn't help that I don't like the sound of my voice. I fancy myself as a composer, not a performer.

As I Die At My Desk is from Dayton Ohio right?

Yes, the band is based out of Dayton, where I have lived for most of my life so far.

What are some bands from Ohio you love?

To be honest, I don't know a ton of bands from Ohio. I will say I am a fan of Mouth of the Architect and Others by No One out of Dayton, Cloudkicker out of Columbus. Oh I can't forget Skeletonwitch!

Have you been to Ohio Doomed and Stoned Fest?

This might be shocking but I have never heard of Ohio Doomed and Stoned Fest. So no I haven't been but I am certainly interested now!

Will As I Die At My Desk play live or tour down the road?

Well, As I Die At My Desk will probably remain a studio entity. As I said I wouldn't be opposed to any kind of collaboration or possible touring but I don't have any plans for that at the moment. Now for my pretentious answer. As an artist I do not want to feel confined to any one medium as it exists. As I Die At My Desk was born out of specific life circumstances. As long as these circumstances provide emotional weight and depth for me, this project will continue. Once that source dries up(if it ever really does) then I will move on to a new project. As it stands I have a few other projects that I am working on that I can't discuss much yet. Stay tuned!

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