#engaging with media in a complicated-ass world

[krakensdottir]

So, about Good Omens:

It's still good, guys.

Like if you didn't like it before, that's fine. But if you loved it then, and now you suddenly think it's bad, you're lying to yourself. Not on purpose, but your brain is trying to reconcile what you've learned about the author with what you felt before. Understandable, it's trying to avoid contradiction.

But that isn't how it really works. In reality, toxic traits of an author do not retroactively poison their work. That's why we talk about separating the art from the artist.

Anyway, this isn't about NG and it never was - he's said as much himself, several times. This is a promise he made to a friend, and whatever else you can say about him, that friendship was real. He damn well better keep his promise. This story changed lives, minds and hearts, and it deserves to be completed, for its own sake and for Terry's, and that's that on that.

(And no, we are not going to get a magically pure Season 3 without NG involved. It'd be nice, but it's not happening. The facts are that no one else knows what they planned together, and the screen version wouldn't even exist if not for NG and that promise. Besides, he's already written the script. Remains to be seen whether he'll be on set at all, but he is involved, and that's that. We can either enjoy something beautiful from a problematic creator, like we always talk about on here, or we can't.)

[sukunasweetheart]

👀👉🏾👈🏾 Sukuna x Reader ex's to lovers?

wowowow i cant believe im doing like another celebrity au again but here goes nothing ahaha...

i love this trope, i ended up writing a WHOLE, lengthy ass, detailed plotline on it i hope u dont mind <3 (A WHOLE WHOPPING 6K WORDS YALL)

prepare for hella angst, OOC sukuna, insecure fem!reader, ghosting, messy break up, conflicting and complicated feelings + sexual tension and then intense smut @ the end (make up sex)

imagine sukuna being like, an amateur model-turned-actor, with you being his highschool sweetheart, who was there to support him since day one

a very happy, fulfilling relationship for the most part-- until he starts gaining huge amounts of popularity.

youve always known that he was meant and born to reach sky-high levels of success, and you were certain he was going to make it one day

but things get rockier by the second, and insecurity is such an ugly, ugly thing

seeing him model with other beautiful celebrities, acting in roles where he had a love interest to kiss and fondle, reading those gossip scandal articles involving him and another party every few months or so-

it all got too much for you.

all you needed was some reassurance... but young and vivacious sukuna, drunk on this fame and attention, failed to recognise that and left you feeling neglected.

not on purpose tho, he's never engaged in infidelity, he's never gazed upon someone else with lust or love on his mind - he was using everyone around him as a stepping stone towards his own career

sukuna's known you since forever, and he was confident that you knew his affection for you was unwavering... so he failed to understand where you were coming from whenever you brought these things up

arguments after arguments after arguments

the worst part of it was that he wanted to keep his relationship with you a secret. saying something about how having a significant other would slow his progress in his career down... the decision was urged on by the entertainment company that he was in a contract with

it hurt so damn much when he was being interviewed on tv about his romantic life, only for him to tell the world he was single.

it leads to more arguing.

of course, as a rising celebrity, he was quite awfully busy with many business trips and attending a lot of parties and galas

another terrible fight occurred right before he had to leave for a flight overseas but by then, youd pretty much already decided that you were going to leave him

you basically ghosted him, packing all your belongings overnight, blocking his number and all his social media accounts, making sure even all yours and his mutual friends didn't know of your whereabouts. you're going to start fresh. and give him no closure.

it was petty revenge, and maybe immature of you, but you were just as young as he was, and you wanted him to hurt as badly as you were hurting back then.

sukuna's still overseas, having just come back from another fancy gathering and is fresh out of the shower, in his hotel room... he decides he's gonna try and give you a call, but ofc you don't pick up

he sighs and convinces himself that he'll sort things out with you later when he gets back, not knowing that there won't be a 'later'.

meanwhile you're dragging a suitcase out of the apartment, taking a taxi somewhere else far away, crying as you pass by giant billboards that have pictures of sukuna plastered all over

he feels like such a faraway person now. no longer someone who you used to cuddle closely in bed, or hold hands with. you're not even sure of who you are without him anymore.

you could imagine his reaction when he came home, only to find your entire existence missing. seriously, it was like you were never there. you left nothing of yours behind, and the place was cleaned spick and span, not a hair of yours to be found.

when was the last time sukuna felt so panicked?? this dull ache in his chest, as he spams you calls and texts that never reach you

he contacts mutual friends in rotation but everyone is absolutely clueless... he considers filing a missing persons case but then a trusted friend of yours tells him to not look for you... and that you wanted them to relay a message to him, just a simple goodbye.

what the fuck are you talking about?

oh, here comes a severe headache.

his mind is whirring with overlapping memories, thoughts, regrets, thinking about any clues that might give away where you couldve gone, but theres simply nothing

the shock moves into sorrow, then denial, and then it turns to anger. does he mean nothing to you? so much so that youd abandon him without saying a word?

its like he was going through the five stages of grief, but for someone who he knew was still alive..

eventually, he finds a rebound out of spite. if youve left him, then it's means he's free and single, right? he gets himself piss-drunk, and beds another, only to wake up feeling absolutely disgusted. it feels like... it feels like he's cheated on you. even though you're already gone. he's just a mess of conflicting emotions, and it lasts for so long.

the reason why he doesnt hire someone or use some other underhanded method to actually look for you is because of a weird mixture of both his pride and feelings of insecurity, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you do deserve someone better, someone who understands you more... (and he's also fearful that someone like you, might've already found love somewhere else, and he's definitely not confident that he'll be able to act maturely if he sees its true)

eventually, acceptance does come... but does it really?

i like to think he went through many failed relationships, his partners always leaving him upon witnessing him getting intoxicated and calling for none other than your name in his state. someone who no one around him knows anymore.

years pass, and time really does allow you to forget. for both you and sukuna alike. in your mid thirties, both of you are single at this time.

you've been busy with your new job at some company (dont ask me, i was too lazy to decide what kind, so u guys can make this one up bye), and he made sure to keep himself busy as well. no time for fleeting romance.

of course, until fate does that weird thing where it pushes people together again... a new project lands in your lap, where it involves some kind of collaboration with THE celebrity, ryomen sukuna. of fucking course.

you really did desperately try to get it off and pass this off to some other colleague but they insisted your involvement was necessary. what are you supposed to do? you almost decide to quit... but this job means a lot to you... you can't just throw everything away because of an ex... right?

and, oh my god, when the first meeting does happen, involving the celebrity himself, you and a couple other coworkers to discuss the project, sukuna sees you and his brain short circuits for a moment.

he starts doubting his own vision, and then he reminisces, in the middle of whatever the fuck everyone else was talking about during the meeting.

"... Mr. Ryomen?" one of the other participants ask.

he clears his throat, regains his composure and regathers his focus. he's an actor for god's sake. and he starts speaking, with thoughts of you in the back of his mind. about how much youve changed, but also remained exactly the same...

during introductions, you shake his hand and act professionally. his eye twitches. will you continue to pretend not to know him even afterwards? should he talk to you separately after this? no... doing that would mean he's the desperate one...

when you saw sukuna hesitating, part of you felt relieved. so you're not the only one getting freaked out. you don't expect him to acknowledge you anymore, though.

after the meeting, he walks out feeling confident that he's going to ignore you back, if this was the kind of game you're going to play with him. you mean nothing to him, just as he means nothing to you.

but he remembers the shock that went down his spine at the feeling of the warmth in your hand. he watches you take an elevator by yourself, and tries to make a split second decision on whether he wants to let you go, or if he wants to chase you down.

he probably shouldn't bother.

but he impulsively speed walks down towards you, anyway.

youre startled when the elevator doors are blocked from closing just at the last second, with someone's arm coming through between. your heart skips a beat seeing that it's none other than sukuna.

what is this sensation? this mix of fear and... excitement. you should be unperturbed. you're over him. he's someone from the past. you're buzzing with these feelings, but there also comes a creeping resentment that finds its way to you again, as you try to remember why you left him in the first place.

he unclicks whatever level you were heading to, and clicks on the highest level instead. he's gonna take you to the rooftop of the building, where he can confront you peacefully.

"Mr. Ryomen? Is there something wrong?" you ask him. still feigning ignorance. like salt to a wound. you know its another petty move from your part, but you can't help yourself.

"Don't call me that. You know damn well why I'm here," Sukuna drawls, sounding more sad than angry. they've really become strangers.

you grow silent, being hit with a pang of guilt. deep down, you knew you shouldve handled it more maturely than that. he deserved closure, and you needed it too. but isn't it too late for all that now?

the conversation flows tense, but unravels slowly. there's still a lot of questions being withheld though. he wants to ask you how youve been. were you able to sleep peacefully after you left him? why did you have to leave in the worst way possible?

a familiar headache creeps up.

simultaneously, the anger finds its way in his heart all over again. he knows he didn't do much good towards the end of their relationship either but ghosting him was plain disrespectful and childish.

you surprise him when you give a sudden heartfelt apology.

you tell him that you know apologising now after all these years is frankly almost meaningless but still, he didnt deserve to be left behind in that kind of way. you admit that you should've communicated with him properly that you were breaking up with him.

he's left kinda speechless, bc he was so ready to be all snarky to you after everything.. he's still mad, but he can't really say shit anymore without sounding like too much of an asshole.

truth be told, if you did stay around to tell him that you were breaking up with him beforehand, he probably wouldn't have let you go... where would you guys be now, if you never separated?

"i've always wanted to apologise. it's been weighing on me ever since i left."

...and yet, you didn't ever think to call or text him even once afterwards? he never changed his number in hopes for that, and he hates himself for it.

"i understand that you hate me now, but let's try to get through the collaboration without trouble. and then we can part ways again."

that one pierces his heart, like a bullet. you haven't said anything technically wrong. he should hate you. or at least, he should feel indifferent by now. and yet... the way that you automatically assume so irks him badly.

"do you really believe that i hate you? aren't you the one that hates me?"

it's a stupid fucking question. what the fuck is he even saying? he wants to kick the elevator door.

"...i left because i thought you hated me, that you didn't need me anymore. and i tried to convince myself that i hated you too. but that couldn't be further from the truth. even now, i don't ha-"

before you can say any more, the elevator doors open, and a small group of employees are standing outside them, looking curiously in at you and sukuna. then, they realise who he is. they come flocking in, asking for autographs and pictures.

you quietly slip out of the crowd, and after giving one quick glance at sukuna, who visibly wants to pursue you again, you walk away to avoid gathering attention on yourself. wait-! dammit- he thinks.

he can't chase after you. he can't call out for you to stop. he can't push all of these people away. if he did, it will cause rumours and unfavourable articles to fly out. let's try to get through the collaboration without trouble. his own fame becomes another obstacle between you and him.

back then, you were his whole world, yet somewhere along the path, he started to fail in making you feel like it.

he watches you take the fire exit towards the emergency stairs, while he's surrounded by overbearing fans who beg for his attention. you're going to have to walk down in your heels, all because of him. as he catches the final glimpse of you, as he's reluctantly dealing with his fans, he begins to understand, a little bit. he didn't want to understand why you decided to leave him. but he does now. a little.

a couple of stairwells down, you eventually pause for a moment and sit down on the last step to take a breather. you wipe your sweaty palms against your skirt. the familiar tug at your heart, in which your insecurities come flowing back to you, seeing him surrounded. you need to build higher, stronger walls around you from now.

when sukuna is done on his end, and sends them off down the elevator, he goes off to check down the stairs you went, but you've already booked it. slipped right through his fingers. you were about to say something important. with unresolved feelings, sukuna also takes the stairs down, with a heavy heart. each step down brings him another old, nostalgic memory of you to him.

from then on, the more he interacts with you during work-related matters, the more apparent it becomes that he still harbors feelings for you. he tries to ignore it, push it back down, but it only returns twice as overwhelming.

your voice. the way you smile. the scent of your perfume. exactly the same as back then. yet, he also observes the changes that have occurred in you; how you act, speak and the kinds of words you use, as well as seeing you in such a professional setting rather than personal - everything is coming together to allure him more, and he's in a state where he's unable to resist this attraction, but also unable to act on it, because he's not sure how you'd react to it.

he knows it's not just him getting drunk on nostalgia.

the next time he catches you alone, he makes sure to tell you that he doesn't hate you like you believe he does. you'd never admit it, but that gave you butterflies in your stomach.

in fact, everything sukuna does, even just locking eyes with you for a few seconds, is enough to make your heart rate increase, intensifying when he looks at you almost like... almost like he wants you. you must be imagining things.

he finds himself doing uncharacteristic deeds, like sending coffee for all the staff members. his manager passes them out to everybody, including you. he doesn't know if you still like your coffee the same way as he remembers, but he makes sure that yours is a little different, a little more specific than everyone else's, in hopes that you'll notice these small gestures of his.

over the course of the project, he inches closer to you, ever so slowly. but you don't seem to budge. even worse, you seem to be avoiding him as much as you possibly can. you avert your gaze from his. stagger away when he gets close.

he brings it up on one occasion, when he's able to approach you at the back of the building, where there's no one around, and no watchful eyes of a nosy audience. it's definitely frustrating and unpleasant- when he wants to speak with you, he has to keep distance in case another scandal rises. he doesn't want to drag you into the spotlight, without knowing if you're okay with it first.

sukuna only really talks to you when there's nobody around. maybe he's being considerate of you, but it gives you the impression that he doesn't want to be seen hanging around with you. it makes you remember things you don't want to. it makes you remember that being with him now requires a courage that you're not sure that you have. at the very least, you know you definitely didn't have it back then.

you keep conversations short with him, and try to leave. but he keeps at it persistently. what is he trying to do? is he toying with you?

"you're acting like you want us to get back together. don't do things that'll make me misunderstand," you tell him. you were trying to provoke him. expecting him to deny it harshly and back away, because you knew he was prideful- he'd never be caught being hung up over an ex.

"...and? what if i told you that i do want that? would you stop avoiding me then?" he takes one step forward, and you take one back, proving his point.

why is he pushing aside his ego for you? where did all his arrogance go off to? this isn't how the sukuna in his twenties would've responded. his answer makes you waver, and you don't appreciate that. you try not to show it.

"no. i'd only begin to avoid you even more. so don't start."

"i'm not," you deny, but your voice betrays you. he clings onto that.

"why? ...afraid that you'd cave in to me?"

like the way he's already pretty much caved in for you?

"you don't sound very convincing."

"...would you want someone who'd choose their career over you?"

that stops him in his tracks. he has nothing to say to that. because he did make that mistake. where he prioritised his job over your feelings.

"i don't hate or blame you for that anymore, sukuna. but you have to understand... i don't want to go through that pain ever again. i don't want to hold you back. we both deserve more compatible partners."

your own words sting yourself, and you try to go again right after saying that, because it's getting too much for you. his hand flies out to grab yours out of instinct, to stop you from leaving. leaving him again.

it's really not like him to be the clingy ex, pathetically begging to be taken back, but he's willing to throw such pride away if it means you'll be appeased. if you'll let him back into your life again.

"don't say that. you never held me back-- you were my home and my everything, and i was the one that started to take you for granted," he says gently, his low voice laced with sorrow, so uncharacteristically. you've only ever heard this kind of tone from him once before, and it was when his grandfather, who was like a parent to him, had passed away. his thumb brushes over your hand.

"give me another chance. this time i'll let the whole world know about us. about how much you mean to me."

he gets in close ever so slowly, and you let him, for only a moment, before gently pushing him away, with a hand on his chest.

sukuna hitches in a breath, heart sinking to his stomach. he wants to embrace you so, so, so bad. he needs your warmth. always has been. always will. but he sees that you're unrelenting, which breaks him.

"no, stop... i'm sorry, i can't."

you're still scared. you keep thinking about how lonely you felt when you were with him, at least right before the break up. seeing him laughing through the tv screen. alone in the living room. and all the arguments.

your hand slips out of his, and he lets you go. he feels empty when you walk away. hollow. the similar feeling he felt when you first left him, but less anguish and more despair. when he gets home, he tries to drink those feelings away. something he rarely does. old regrets and heartaches return, and he drinks until he passes out.

while he drinks, you weep. crying into your pillow, wondering if you're doing the right thing. wondering if this is how it's supposed to be. terrified of being with him again, but also terrified of losing him, like a hypocrite.

from then on, sukuna keeps a respectful distance from you... no longer trying to make approaches in secret, no longer pursuing you every chance he gets. but he still sends out coffee. even provides snacks to the crew. little do they know, they're the kinds of snacks that he knows you loved. hopefully, you still do. he'll keep his distance because it's what you want, but he wishes to keep doing these little things for you. subtly.

and you notice it, too. you have vivid memories of telling him about your favourites and preferences back then, and you recognise what he's trying to do. you drink the coffee. and you always grab a handful of the snacks. you do appreciate it. it makes you happy that he remembers. on a few occasions, you turn to look at him, only to witness him looking away at the last second.

it's not too long before the project is successfully finalised, and all their efforts have been rewarded. a celebration is due, and your boss throws a party at a fancy hotel for everyone to enjoy themselves at. sukuna had stopped going to so many gatherings and parties quite a while ago, but he attends knowing that you'll be there as well. he'll see you for the final time before he'll lose any excuses to be around you ever again. it'll be the final night.

you exchange a few words with him at the venue, but the two of you leave each other to mingle with other groups reluctantly, to avoid suspicion. both of you are quite tense all throughout the night, sipping on some wine to ease it, but it still doesn't relax the tension you feel, no matter how far away sukuna stands from you.

a few hours in, and you decide to excuse yourself early to head up into your designated hotel room. your boss covered the expenses for a night, and it would've been a waste to decline it, so you decided to stay. sukuna isn't around anywhere at the venue anymore, so you assume he's already left. you thought about saying farewell, but it didn't seem appropriate after you flat out rejected him. you still have doubts about the decision. because you miss him. but what's done is done, and you can't take back what you've already said.

however, getting to the hotel elevator, you notice he's standing there, with miraculous timing. you awkwardly "hey" him, and he says it back, hands in his pockets.

the two of you step inside when it arrives, and the thick tension remains.

"i'm surprised. i thought you'd be staying around longer for the party," you tell him.

he can't tell you that he found it unbearable, to see you hanging around other people, but being unable to get closer to you himself.

"i just got a bit tired," he lies. "did you have a lot to drink?"

"not at all. i had a few glasses, but i'm still sober."

"same here."

as the lift gets closer to your level, you get antsy, thinking about what to say before you leave, but your thoughts get interrupted when he asks you something abruptly.

"...can i walk you to your room? for the last time."

you swallow thickly on nothing, and feel how your chest aches at the words. last time.

"alright. sure," you say.

he wasn't expecting you to say yes, but he's glad you're letting him stay beside you a little longer. you're staring at the elevator doors, but he's looking at your face from the side. if only the lift would malfunction and stop, right here.

but it doesn't, and soon, he's really walking beside you as you get to your hotel room door, in silence. you unlock it using your key, and then that's it.

"thanks for walking me here," you say rather sheepishly. the thought of him wanting to spend even a few more seconds with you... your hold on the door knob is tight as you stand, face turned around to look at him. it's taking everything in you to stand your ground. last minute guilt and regrets are bombarding your thoughts, and...

"i'll say this now because i probably won't get another chance again," sukuna starts, looking directly into your eyes. his eyes are mellow, and he looks wistful.

"i'm sorry. i realised i never apologised, even though that's the first thing you did for me," he starts. he knows there's a mountain of reasons he is apologising for, but he decides he'll keep this short for your sake.

".. i can't lie to you and say that i wish for your happiness with someone else. 'm not that nice." you know it the best. and you understand, because you don't think you'd be able to withstand seeing him happy with someone else, either.

"find your happiness elsewhere, thanks," he grunts humorously. for god's sake. he's never been good at things like this. being heartfelt. at least it made you chuckle a bit. his expression of indignation melts away into a melancholic one again.

"i still love you." (always have, always will.)

you fight back sudden tears, and your throat begins to ache. sukuna unclenches his fist, and tries to relax himself more.

"and...i'll miss you," he breathes the phrase out. says it so quietly, like it hurts for him to say. (i don't want to let you go.)

something snaps within you and everything starts to scream at you to take everything back, and stop him from going away. don't go- don't go- don't go-

"...goodnight."

he notices your wet eyes, and he has to fight back against the urge to reach out and wipe it away. to rescind his farewell, and pull you into his arms again - forcefully, if he has to. he needs to leave, before he loses control.

you're panicking, and your vision is swimming, and you don't think you'll ever be happy again if you let him go like this-- you're gonna be heartbroken in the worst way imaginable. you want him back, and you know you're being unreasonable after turning him down like that, but you don't care anymore. you want to go against your fears. you want to try being with him again.

before you can stop yourself, your hand catches onto the hem of sukuna's sleeve, seconds before he takes another step away from you.

his eyes widen, and he looks at your grip on his sleeve, like he's checking to see if it's real, and he's not making this shit up in his mind. his heart beats impossibly fast. his hopes skyrocket. the world decided to have mercy on him.

"...you're being unfair, grabbing onto me like this. after i went through hell just now, trying to say goodbye." he's being awfully patient right now.

you don't respond, only silently weeping.

he waits to see if you'll let go, whether this was just an act out of a temporary fickle in your heart, but your grip remains tight, and you're now just looking up at him with tears rolling down, eyes glossy and desperate, pulling at his heart strings. you only let go when he comes back to you, not hesitant to brush his thumbs across your face now, wiping the wetness away.

"what do you want me to do? tell me, and i'll do it. leave? stay?" sukuna coos at you, like he's always done before, waiting patiently until you've calmed down enough to respond properly.

"i shouldn't... i shouldn't let you in. not after how much i'd pushed you away," you whisper. today was supposed to mark the end of it all.

he doesn't even give a fuck about that anymore. what matters is now.

"...but do you want to let me in?"

"...yes," you hic.

he takes a couple of steps forward, making you step back with him, his hand on your waist to make sure you don't trip on the way. he goes past the doorway and into your hotel room slowly. one- two- three- steps. he closes the door behind him quietly.

"and..? what next?" he asks in a low voice, standing close to you, one hand still remaining on your waist, and the other on your upperarm.

"i... i don't know. i just need you," you mumble, looking up at him, eyes red from crying and half-closed. your hands inch up along his back, grabbing handfuls of his suit jacket. sukuna hitches in a breath and something dark flashes across his eyes. they reflect his desire, his almost carnal desperation for you-

"forgive me. i don't think i can hold myself back, anymore."

he captures your lips in his, and groans shamelessly into you. you grip onto him tighter, heart beating so rambunctiously that you fear he can hear it too. it feels too good. the moment he reached you, it felt like the final piece of a puzzle clicking in to complete a full picture.

you part your mouth, and he wastes no time in slipping his tongue inside, kissing you in the way he knows you love, in the way it makes your lips tingle, and, oh god, even after all these years, he still knows how to get you going like no other.

sukuna tastes the traces of wine on your tongue, and even better, he tastes you, the one he'd been missing and craving all this time, the warmth of your skin and touch, your scent, just everything about you, you, you.

he backs you towards the bed, without breaking this breathless, hungry kiss, where he softly lays you down, with him being above you, chest to chest, arms supporting his weight. he momentarily pulls away from you simply just to breathe, and the two of you gaze at each other for a hot second, full of love and lust, breaths overlapping one another. he attempts to ask you "do you still wanna continue?" just in case, but before he gets to say a word, you grab him by his tie and pull his lips to yours again, beginning to loosen it and take it off.

he understands that you want it, now. you successfully manage to untie it, somehow, with just willpower alone, and you start aiming for his buttons next, undoing them one by one. your actions send sparks down to all of his limbs, and he feels so fulfilled by your desire of him, being as intense as how he obsesses over you.

soon after you're done with it, he takes them off and chucks his own clothes away, rendering him half-naked. your hole clenches around nothing at the sight once he pulls away again, his firm muscles and the same old tattoos that you vividly remembered the patterns of. you greedily run your palms across his pecs, eyes turning to hearts. he smirks at you.

it's his turn now, and he doesn't hesitate to start undressing you as well. sukuna gets dizzy at the thought of being able to feast his eyes on your body. he dives in to keep kissing you, and then begins to unbutton you with such speed, it almost startles you.

it's off. your breasts are out in the open now, and sukuna has his fill with massaging them with his large hand, having missed them so much. his palm feels so hot, and your nipples pebble up at his touch, making you gasp into his mouth.

his kiss moves over to the side of your face, it glides down your neck, shoulders, and eventually reaches the swell of your chest. your fingers brush through the pink of his hair as he does so, and you purse your lips together, basking in the feeling of his warm kisses littering your skin. he leaves you hickeys-- the same shape and size and same locations as he used to even during your days in highschool, and you chuckle to yourself at the thought.

it's not long before he's loosening your skirt and slipping your undergarments down, getting rid of your slick-stained panties, much to his satisfaction. sukuna rubs a thumb over your aroused clit, and you whimper, having missed the touch of a man- his touch specifically.

"fuck... you're so wet.... all for me?" he asks, proceeding to slip two fingers into your weeping hole. you arch your back at the feeling, how his thick digits scissor inside of you and press up against a particularly lovely spot. he watches your every response as he does so, watching how you moan because of his touch, and how you're grabbing at his wrist because it's getting too intense. his cock prods uncomfortably against his pants. you're producing so much slick, and his fingers are getting absolutely drenched.

when he takes them out, you whine a little in disappointment.

"i know, i know. i'll give you something better," he whispers, kissing your cheek.

he unbuckles himself, and lowers his boxers to reveal his aching dick, tip wet with precum, veins bulging out the sides. looks the same as you remember. he pumps it a couple of times with his hand that's still covered with your slick, and he twitches. this isn't a dream, is it?

"oh god, please, i need it-" you plead, your hole feeling eager and empty.

"it's all yours," he mumbles. your begging makes him lightheaded as he lines himself up at your weeping cunt.

"i'm all yours."

when he sinks in deep to the hilt, you cry out at the fullness, as his tip pushes the spot inside you that had been feeling so lonely for years. your hands finds themselves against his back, feeling for his tight muscles.

"shit- 'm gonna lose my mind," sukuna groans as he gives a few shallow thrusts into you, cock so hard and throbbing wildly as your plush walls clamp on him and coats him with your arousal. he grabs one of your hands from his back and interlocks his fingers with yours against the mattress, before leaning down to bring his lips against the side of your neck.

"oh, thank god... thank god, you changed your mind. i love you. i would've been so fucking miserable without you, doll. for the rest of my life," he croons, breath fanning so close to your ear. you shudder at the tone of his voice, tearing up again, mixed with pleasure and relief, and you grab his hand tighter.

you turn your head a little more to the side, making it easier for sukuna to bite and suck on the sensitive skin of your neck, as his thrusts increase in speed, nudging your g-spot with every movement.

soon enough, he's bringing his attention back to your tongue, which he caresses with his own, nibbling on your lower lip, maintaining this same perfect pace in his thrusts that brings you closer to your orgasm.

"sukuna- i'm- i'm gonna-" you say breathlessly.

but he merely kisses you again, swallowing up any words you could say or moans you could let out, not minding the gasps and whimpers that you make.

sweat beads on his perfect body, and he makes out with you through your high, groaning back when he feels your walls flutter around him. he's close. even once you've finished cumming, he begins to pound into you quicker, wanting to get to his own orgasm. you claw at his back, crying out in pleasure, as sukuna's tongue lathers your jawline.

he wants to breed you so fucking bad. but no, that'll have to wait. he can't do something to jeopardize your trust in him. he'd rather die than endure another second of being distanced from you again.

right before he's pushed off the edge, sukuna pulls out and desperately jerks himself off above your stomach, panting as his cock throbs in his hand with every spurt that coats you, feeling so hot against your tummy.

you feel a twinge of disappointment, because you also wanted to feel that in your womb...

his dick twitches weakly after being spent, and he breathes heavily, liking the sight of you being covered in his seed for another time. (and many more from now.)

" 'kuna... it's a safe day for me today," you suggest to him without thinking. "i want it inside me..."

the phrase is enough to get heat pooling in his abdomen, and he feels himself get hard all over again.

"you sure, doll? if it's what you want, i'll..." he begins to say, almost flustered by your suggestion. you know you shouldn't say this next line, but it's so easy to get carried away with this man... get caught up in the heat of the moment.

"i want your babies so bad."

you've hit his switch. sukuna growls and puts you into a mating press instantaneously, making you squeak.

"no takebacks," he mutters dangerously, beginning the second round.

the night is long, but heavenly, as soon after he dumps everything he has into your womb, then proceeds to eat you out, making you cry for the third time before sunrise.

when you're awake, it's already heading past midday, and you're relieved to see that yesterday's happenings were not a dream, seeing as the large man is sleeping with an iron hold around your body, as if subconsciously afraid you'd leave him before he woke up again.

he awakens from his slumber to your light, feathery touches on his face, which puts him in a good mood from the moment he opens an eye. it was the scenario he's always dreamed of. waking up next to you, smiling.

there's much to talk about. about what's to come next, future plans, worries, and things they need to do to make amends for all the lost years between each other. but you decide to take things slow.

back to bullet points again bc im lazy to write it properly now

you spend the weekend w him at the hotel and stuff, just playing eating and sleeping, catching up yk

he tells you on his own accord that he wants to let everyone know that he's with you now, but he's worried that it'll bring backlash to you but you tell him you're going to be brave and take it, bc you WANT everyone to know

anyway prepare for turbulence

but everything'll be alright bc hes with you

im thinking about how mopey he'll be when you have to separate from him bc you each have your own homes rn, hes always asking you to come over or if he can come over to your place

and he'll be begging you to move in soon, like old times (he lives in a rich man house now tho)

and also thinking about how its a fresh start, but they also go through old memories and now reminiscing isnt painful anymore bc yall are back together

sukuna also says he's stopped doing romance genres in acting bc he had felt annoyed acting in lovey dovey scenes when his own love life used to be in shambles all the time

and bc hes at a point in his career where he has more choice in choosing between scripts that are offered to him, he's going to continue to decline the ones that have love interests, it doesnt affect him that much anyway

he's just being more considerate of your feelings now... and you promised him that you'll never just disappear like that again when you're upset haha...

sometimes when you still have a few disagreements with him, he keeps subtly checking up on you (hes traumatised, leave him be)

lots of facetiming when he has to go overseas for filming purposes <3

okay, thats all, bye <3

Masterlist

[madelynhimegami]

Sig Guide

That this was finished on Crimmus was basically a coincidence, but honestly I've put it off for long enough. accompanying image is in Puyo 20th style instead of my normal style because this continues to be the best Sig I've ever drawn.

Also, your regular reminder that these posts are not intended to be the absolute truth of these characters, but based on my observations of them in official media. You are encouraged to re-interpret as you see fit.

Sig is a tired boy that doesn't want (and doesn't want to be) trouble.

He's actually a transfer student that relocated to Primp between Fever 1 and Fever 2.

What prompted his transfer is currently unknown.

When I say he's a tired boy, I mean he is tired. He moves and acts and speaks like he just rolled out of bed. He has similar levels of energy, too (read: not much).

Sig doesn't really talk a whole lot. Just enough to get straight to the point, when he can be assed to speak up in the first place. And when he does, it's usually pretty simple. In Japanese, he speaks with the simplest possible grammer using the simplest, least complicated words.

Still, Amitie once pointed out that Sig's not the type to say something he doesn't mean. If he decides to speak up, it's to say something that he feels is important enough.

All that said, he can infodump very extensively about bugs when he's properly incentivised to.

As you might guess, his entomology knowledge is very extensive. He can rattle off scientific names of whatever bug he's got in front of him (and then some, a lot of some) from memory.

When he's especially engaged in infodumping, he actually speaks quickly and uses bigger words. In Japanese, he even says complete sentences!

Speaking of how he speaks in Japanese, Sig is unique among the cast-- and most people that speak the language in general-- to never use a personal pronoun/identifier. If he absolutely has to refer to himself in a way to make himself clear-- for example, "stay away from me"-- he'll say "right here" instead.

He struggles with studying, unless the subject is bugs.

Sig seems to really want to discover a new species of bug-- or, failing that, extensively study the behaviors of a bug that isn't as well-documented.

He can sleep pretty much anywhere. And while standing. He can even fall asleep with his eyes still open if he can't be bothered to close them.

Apparently his antennae actually are antennae. At the very least, they aren't just part of his hair.

His red left arm is not only bigger than his right arm, it's also much physically stronger. Careless use can cause injury to others.

It's also slowly getting redder. This is generally interpreted by fans to mean that the red part is spreading to more of his body.

Sig is very bothered by his red arm. The idea that it may spread all over his body (even as a joke) visibly stresses him out.

The soul that sticks out of his body seems to be visible to others. Sig may or may not be able to see it himself, though.

I've seen it interpreted by more than one person that it means he's dissociating. Makes sense to me, honestly.

Sig is has the ability to commune with other worlds. Part of that means he can interact with extraplanar entities around him.

Sig isn't lazy or apathetic, he's just tired and needs to be properly motivated to step up.

He actually knows Raffina and Klug's names, he just gets the former wrong and calls the latter "Glasses" as his way of teasing.

Teasing aside, he dislikes actively causing trouble, even going as far as to not communicate what he's struggling with so it won't become somebody else's problem.

(He's gotten a little better about it, but…)

His main method of coping is to just ignore the problem. If he acts like he doesn't care, neither will anybody else.

His secondary coping method is to stay far away from the something causing him trouble. And if he's the trouble, he isolates himself.

Sig enjoys banter, whether it be watching or participating. It's fun to see his friends bounce off each other.

Of course, sometimes he'll say something weird while not actually engaging in banter. He's just on his own train of thought. Or genuinely not paying attention. He might be too tired to try.

(this extends to getting Raffina's name wrong. Sometimes he genuinely can't be bothered to say it correctly)

He doesn't really try bantering with Lidelle, though. He tends to keep himself fairly grounded around her.

It seems that Lidelle does like to learn about bugs from Sig, especially butterflies.

He claims that Lemres gives him a bad feeling. What kind and for what reason isn't clear.

Sig's normal laugh is just him saying "ha ha ha ha" in his monotone. Despite it sounding that way, it's not fake.

(He also has a soft, more genuine-sounding giggle when he sees or hears something especially funny. As far as we know, only Amitie has heard it)

He genuinely does want to help people, especially his friends. He'll take more initiative when he's decided he's capable of helping.

Sig does not take kindly to acts of cruelty and will bite back at people that hurt others.

He also considers violence towards bugs acts of cruelty, whether it be feeding them to animals or using them as material components.

He once tried to hype Amitie up the same way she does to others. Energy-wise, it was still very Siggish, but he found it embarrassing to do.

Like Amitie, Sig often has supplementary classes after normal school hours. He's not especially happy about it.

Sig can think quickly on his feet in the face of immediately-impending danger, letting him fast-talk his way out of it. We saw this in the second Tetris 1 dream story, when he managed to trick Schezo into not taking his arm.

Speaking of which, him saying that he has bugs live in his left arm was a translation mess-up. In Japanese, he claimed that he was holding a bunch of bugs clutched in that hand. He then basically tells Schezo, "no backsies," so to me it sounds like he was bluffing to creep out the creeper.

[houseofbrat]

Vanity Fair: Harry edition

A person who worked closely with the couple and “loves them” says, “I have no idea what [Harry’s] interests are beyond polo. No clue what his inner life is like.”

This person justifies my continuing belief that Harry is either intellectually or developmentally disabled, and the rest of the world just doesn't realize it yet.

People involved with production say the couple did trial runs on some big ideas, like a This American Life–style show where Harry and Meghan took turns hosting and talking to interesting civilian guests. As Bloomberg reported, Harry wanted to host a series where he interviewed powerful men with complicated stories, like Mark Zuckerberg, Vladimir Putin, and Donald Trump. The concept wasn’t just that the men shared challenging early lives; it was that their experiences made them into sociopaths, or so Harry envisioned, one person familiar with the ideation process says. (The person who worked in media confirms there was a “sociopath podcast.”) The person who worked closely with the couple on audio projects recalls Harry saying, “I have very bad childhood trauma. Obviously. My mother was essentially murdered. What is it about me that didn’t make me one of these bad guys?” To implore a season’s worth of world-famous sociopaths to talk about how they developed sociopathy would be what is referred to in access journalism as “a booking challenge.”

Quick fact check: Your mom wasn't murdered, Harry. She died because she didn't wear a seatbelt. Your step-grandfather didn't seem to think she was murdered.

And are the rest of us supposed to believe you don't have sociopathic tendencies, Harry? Some of us remember the rumors that you allegedly beat up a sex worker when you were training with the US military. Was that in San Diego? Perhaps you could refresh my memory. I'm sure there is Navy brass, who had to deal with your arrogant ass, that would have a different take as whether or not what you did constitutes conduct unbecoming an officer.

As time passed—it would be nearly two years between the couple’s deal signing and the premiere of Archetypes—Spotify began applying pressure to produce something (anything!) that people might listen to. The former Spotify employee says Harry came to the Los Angeles office once and asked for a cup of cocoa. There was none in the office, so employees scrambled to obtain some. An idea was pitched to Harry—what if he reviewed a hot chocolate every week while chatting with a different friend?—which he and his team considered and rejected. Another concept was that Harry would “fix” something every week, ranging from a flat tire to global warming. “He wanted to do a podcast about disabled people who compete in the Invictus Games,” the former Spotify employee says. “But there’s no crossover between the audience who would listen to that and people who want to hear about Harry’s life.” (Harry and Meghan did produce a 2023 Netflix docuseries called Heart of Invictus, which significantly underperformed Harry & Meghan.)

These might have been interesting. Maybe.

The former Spotify employee says it was challenging to engage Harry, and a person who interviewed for a job with the couple says, “I just felt like he kind of didn’t want to be there doing that at this time.... My expectation was ‘charming receiving line.’ And it was clear he wasn’t that person. At least that day.” And at least in the context of a hiring manager: A person who worked on an event during Harry’s book tour says he has the “greatest manners I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Like I can’t believe his knees are as supple as they are. He was getting up and down anytime somebody walked into a room.... He was unfailingly kind and friendly to everyone.”

Good manners go a long way. It may be his saving grace.

During the interview, the potential employee says, Harry’s attitude was either “Well, why should I do this?” or “Why are we doing this?” The interviewee says they wondered, “Didn’t Spotify pay you a lot of money to do this?” The person inside the couple’s circle says, “He looks like the kind of guy who would, frankly, happily work for charities for the rest of his life and would be very happy if Meghan made all the money and he didn’t need to.”

Working for charities is probably more than what can be said for his brother and sister-in-law at this point.

Harry and Meghan became increasingly nervous about how their content would impact them. Marie says, “I can say that they had really great ideas for shows, interesting pitches, interesting guests. But them as the deliverers or either of them as the hosts of these more kind of edgy ideas would have been like…they would have had to move again. I think it’s a combination of self-censorship for good reason and the corporate powers that be that run podcasting that don’t know what that is [to create valuable shows]. In combination, those things make it really hard to make good stuff.” The person who worked in media projects imitates the thought process behind any decision about the couple’s projects: “Well, he has a million things that he has to protect, and he has the book, and they have the documentary, and they don’t want to make the queen upset, and their public image.…”

Spare, Harry’s best-selling and beautifully written (by J.R. Moehringer) memoir, chronicles the prince’s lonely former life with MRI-level self-examination—if not always top-tier self-awareness. Harry recounts an anti-poaching trip to Namibia in which he insisted on sleeping outdoors despite his team telling him, “We just saw proof that there are lions out here, boss.” Harry claims everyone with him—including a bodyguard, local police, a ranger, and Namibian soldiers who were all there to protect him—went to bed in their tents or trucks rather than staying up to ensure he wasn’t eaten by lions in the night. The book also discusses in great detail Harry’s issues with his family, opening on his reunion with now King Charles and Prince William, who in addition to “beloved brother” Harry describes as his “arch nemesis,” possessing a “familiar scowl” and “alarming baldness.” It doesn’t get more flattering for Willy in the ensuing pages. At an event in 2023, someone privately asked Harry if he’d heard from his family. He said he hadn’t. This person asked Harry if he thought he was going to, and he said he hoped so. “That’s sort of what made me so sad,” the source says. “His hope seemed very genuine. And I was just kind of like, ‘Oh, no.’ ” The source believed Harry hadn’t absorbed the gravity of what it would mean to sell millions of copies of a tell-all book about a famously insular and circumspect family in the middle of a years-long public relations crisis. “The power of the written word, and the power of the narrative…” this person went on. “I don’t know if that’s something he understood while he was doing it.”

I'm telling you, again, intellectually and/or developmentally disabled.

It explains EVERYTHING.

Harry is currently involved in two other lawsuits that further alienate him from his home country and its tabloid media. He is moving forward with an invasion of privacy case against Sun publisher News Group Newspapers, which follows a settlement from Mirror Group Newspapers for a phone-hacking charge. But more isolating is the suit regarding state police protection for him and his family when they are in Britain, which Harry, Meghan, and their older child, Archie, were stripped of when they left the UK in 2020. There are clear dangers to the family’s safety—a person who worked closely with them says strangers take Lyfts to their house, and in 2023 the couple was involved in what a spokesperson called a “near catastrophic car chase” with paparazzi. (There were no injuries, collisions, or charges filed.) The person who interacted with Harry in 2023 also described a “very scary paparazzi situation” after employees at the hotel where Harry was staying allegedly tipped off photographers to his presence. Nevertheless, the High Court in London twice struck down the UK lawsuit. Harry is appealing.

Now it's just one lawsuit, the RAVEC one. And Harry is living in a country with lots and lots of guns. And he's still alive. So I guess the UK can't be that bad, can it?

According to someone familiar with Harry and Meghan, the legal case was at least part of the reason Harry didn’t attend the June wedding of his longtime friend Hugh Grosvenor, ​​Duke of Westminster. The source says if he’d come back for the event, it could have imperiled his claim that he needs government-funded protection. “‘Well, you were here in May and you were absolutely fine attending a wedding,’” the source says, imagining the response in court. “So I’m sure a lot of the decisions about time in the UK are also being made based on how it looks for the case.”

And Harry is still alive and well in a country with lots and lots of guns. And a state with wildfires and mudslides.

But who is the real Harry, now that he’s been released from the zoo in which he was raised? By one telling, the person who interacted professionally with Meghan says he’s socially marooned beyond his nuclear family. “She was up-front about the fact that Harry hadn’t made many friends yet,” the source says of Meghan’s assessment of her husband. The person who worked in media projects with the couple also has a guess. “I think Harry doesn’t know what he wants because he grew up in a fishbowl, and so he doesn’t know what real life really is,” they say. “I think he probably wants to be left alone and be able to go kiss babies every once in a while but not have to worry about money. I don’t think he wants to be famous the way Meghan wants to be famous.”

Everyone knows that last sentence. Except Harry.

Harry and Meghan are, in the estimation of everyone Vanity Fair spoke with, deeply in love. “They are so hot for each other,” the person who worked closely with them said. “Like, you know how you meet those couples where you’re like, the way they’re looking at each other, I should probably not be here right now?” When Harry is solo, the person inside the couple’s circle says, “he’s very personable, he’s very at ease with people, quite like Diana... he just has this way of, like, making people feel very comfortable.” When he’s in public with Meghan, “there is a circus,” the source says. “He’s so protective of her because people are so nasty to her.... It’s a whole different experience.”

Gee, "a circus" when wifey is around? Is that because wifey wants it that way?

Harry has explicitly drawn parallels between his wife and his late mother. “My deepest fear is history repeating itself,” Harry wrote in a 2019 statement about Meghan’s treatment by the press. “I’ve seen what happens when someone I love is commoditised to the point that they are no longer treated or seen as a real person. I lost my mother and now I watch my wife falling victim to the same powerful forces.”

Well, it's not 2019 anymore, and you and your wife don't live in the UK. You live in the USA with the guns, wildfires, raging car traffic, mudslides, and a much freer press.

While Harry is vigilant about Meghan’s safety, the person who worked closely with them says Meghan’s role in their dynamic is caregiver and facilitator; she’s the one who makes things happen. “Pre-Meghan,” says the person familiar with the couple, “Harry would just pop in [to the palace press office], ask a few questions, and leave, like he was a little bored but also very keen.” It’s almost impossible to imagine today’s Harry willingly engaging with the media in search of purpose. The source who worked with Harry and Meghan says, “I can picture him meeting Meghan and being just a deep breath of, like, ‘I’ve been so exhausted, and you make everything so easy.’... I don’t want to be like, oh, it’s an Oedipus thing or whatever, but it kind of feels like she’s reparenting him in a way.”

You mean like this? The "burping"?

It’s a charming (if Freudian) dynamic—a husband and wife who organize each other’s lives and well-being, who flirt and hold hands and want the world to be a better place, even to the exclusion of evidence that suggests their well-meaning way of disrupting institutions is not always the best approach. That instinct to do things as Harry and Meghan believed they should be done, rather than how they are typically accomplished, was exacerbated during their time as senior working royals. It led to conflict with Harry’s family and palace staff, the reporter says, because Harry “doesn’t understand himself. He doesn’t understand a monarchy. His family didn’t do a very good job of inculcating him into the family legend partially because he didn’t care; partially because he was just kind of abandoned at the age of eight.”

That kid was never "abandoned," and if he was, he somehow managed to learn "the greatest manners" out of that imaginary abyss.

Of course "he doesn't understand a monarchy." Once you realize that he's (allegedly) intellectually disabled, you realize he doesn't have the capacity to understand the ins and outs of government. Of course he can only understand polo and simple things! Those are things at his level!

When Charles ascended the throne after Elizabeth’s death, the couple’s children became Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet. Some people familiar with the production of Archetypes and Harry’s book tour said they were instructed to address the couple as sir or ma’am, though the request was dropped in one instance after the person pushed back.

I still don't think those titles are going to last very long, and I'm not surprised someone pushed back about the sir & ma'am nonsense as they're not in the military.

The source familiar with the couple says it’s important to note that Harry isn’t an anti-monarchist. “He just didn’t like the way things were run within the institution,” he says. “His issues are about people and behaviors, not tradition.”

I doubt Harry has the knowhow to detail that in an email.

Seriously doubt he could do that.

[eofoc]

day 9: relationships (part 1)

Ange & Juliet - platonic, half-siblings

Ange & Yuze (angeyuze 🌿🌊) - romantic

Mischa & Orifiel (orimischa 🗝️🦢) - romantic; art credits: first, second

Juliet & Roselyn (roseliet 🌹🕯️) - complicated; art credits: first, second

AAAHAGHG MY FAV DAY!!!!! prepare for a crazy CRAZY EXTENSIVE infodump (under the cut) ...

edit: i feel like this is already a long ass post so tbh. i might just reblog with a description of the other two (🗝️🦢+🌹🕯️) at a later time :]

idk if i need to say this but i hate incest. please block me if you engage in any sort of incest media / fiction. my ocs siblings relationship are strictly platonic

💚🧸 ill start with the siblings because they make me a bit crazy i cant lie. they are half-siblings!! juliets dad died when she was very very young (a baby basically) so she grew up with her step-father (ange's father)... she didnt really gaf about him at all though because she was mommys girl . amen

when they were younger, ange and juliet got along really well!!!! juliet loved playing the role of an older sister and she liked dragging ange around ... they also played togetjer a lot :3 but like. gradually they started getting more into their studies and all .... their parents were getting more and more antagonistic towards each other so they began piting the kids against each other as well. #divorce

as a kid ange viewed juliet as some sort of a. higher figure... something beyond his reach... a kind and silly and funny angel and the only person who treated him right honestly. so when he assumed that juliet has betrayed yuze and had his parents killed . his world Lowkey literally crumbled. i think he realized at that time that shes just a human person and can Also make mistakes.

their relationship got a bit strained because ange started to isolate himself Hard. and juliet is a naturally pushy person when it comes to others so it did make her frustrated when he wouldnt tell her anything or talk to her... wah...... ange was also being ostracized by society because of his father :( juliet tried to throw parties and warm others up to him and she was like. just act nice okay. but it failed lowkey because hes a bit of an asshole sometimes

they had a big fight over that and stopped speaking like.. at all...... ange thought juliet was setting him up and exposing him to people that dont like him when all she did was try to fix his image and reputation... whatever okay.

i also want to say theyre very similar in a lot of aspect!!! both mask their emotions to a crazy degree, usually with a smile or with humor... both kind of try to appeal to people as much as they can, but in different ways? ange mostly wants people to see him as stupid and non-threatening (opposite of his father) and juliet wants people to see her as pitiful and hard-working. they are also both mildly suicidal BUT ange is like -> i have no purpose so i should kms vs. juliet being like -> kms is the only way to escape the purpose i have in life

🌿🌊 ohhh the doomed yaoi... they make me super super sickly.... i talked about their childhood like 93849 times so . well. idk if i should do it Again . However

theyre like. childhood friends to one-sided enemies to lovers . in their childhood years yuze and ange met when yuze was helping his parents with tailoring clothes and yuze helped him out a bit (ange was afraid to speak up and yuze noticed it...) and so it began. ange kind of even in his childhood clung to yuze a lot because it seemed like he was the only one who understood him and his troubles. like even to a bigger degree than juliet could. to yuze . well he didnt think too much about it . like childhood friend yay :)

then the whole FIASCO happened. yuze jumped through 9328 mental hoops and as a 10 year old the only logical thing that made sense was that ange had something to do with the death of his parents. poor ange lost his only friend, his dad was executed and his mama now hated him more than ever and forbid juliet from meeting with him. so they were both going through it .

and then when they meet again they are literally . two different people . its like meeting a fuckign stranger because of how much theyve changed and that drives me a bit crazy. ange is hurt by the resentment yuze seems to hold for him.... yuze is like damn i have to kill this guy (he doesnt Really hide it...) but he finds out how suicidal ange is and hes like. :/. i dont like you but dont do that actually jesus christ youve had it rough. and then he finds out that ange didnt have anything to do with his parents after all and the GUILT that kicks in is crazy. and then more stuff happens (Heh

[lesmurples]

So Spotify Wrapped reminded me that I saw the San Francisco production of A Strange Loop this year, and listening to the soundtrack now I’m reminded just how damn good that show was. I really hope there’s another staging of it sometime, or the release of a video recording if one exists. (Or even a decent bootleg, I’ll take anything 😭)

The staging was beautiful, just an excellent example of what you can do with minimalism and lighting. And the ensemble cast was phenomenal - they sound amazing together in every production I’ve heard, and the concept of each of the cast being “thoughts” who trade parts around would potentially be a hard sell in another production, but here it feels seamless. I’m really impressed that it was able to take such a nerdy, high-concept and pretentious story structure and make it feel so accessible. Excellent writing and acting all around. “Entertainment as undercover art” indeed. The Usher we saw (Malachi McCaskill) was also exceptional and gave an incredible performance.

I think A Strange Loop is a great example of how much you can do by increasing specificity in artistic representations of identity. Creators seem to often be pressured to make identity-focused stories as broadly appealing as possible, making it so that their (for example) queer characters are everymen who just happen to be queer. And of course that usually means your “everyman” has to be a white cis able-bodied guy who is overall readable as “straight” unless you happen to know his orientation. And if he isn’t that, he’s as close to it as we can possibly get him.

By making a “Big Black and Queer-ass American Broadway show” about a fat gay black man trying to make it on the NYC theater scene, I think you actually create so many more opportunities in which an audience can relate to the protagonist’s experience. You don’t have to be a fat gay black man to relate with feelings of inadequacy, or struggling to make it in your professional field, or feeling too ugly to have a good sex life, or having a complicated relationship with your parents. Even if you don’t fully fall into the category of “fat gay black man,” it’s likely that you might identify with at least part of that experience, and you can exercise your imagination and empathy to engage with the rest. In comparison, I think a lot of us struggle to relate to a bland, filed down “everyman” character, despite the fact that he’s meant to be more “broadly appealing.”

A Strange Loop is unapologetically about blackness, and specifically the experience of a queer black person who sometimes struggles to relate with wider black culture. I am as white as wonder bread, and I was prepared to not directly relate with aspects of this musical, but I knew I’d still probably be able to enjoy it because, yaknow, it’s not actually that hard to understand media about experiences that don’t match your own. 🤷

But I found myself relating to the story way more than I expected. The details don’t fully align, but I too have had to navigate the world as a fat queer person unable to feel true “pride” about myself. I too have a strained relationship with conservative parents who are “loving” but deeply toxic and painful to speak with. I too feel the weight of capitalism crushing down on me, wanting to find “success” in this hellhole of a world but knowing I’d have to compromise my values in order to do so. I am not very similar to Usher on the face of it, but because his story focuses so much on the multiple specific experiences he has in this world, it’s actually way easier for me to find common ground with him than if there was just nothing there.

And while I can’t relate directly with Usher’s experience of blackness, I’ve heard enough stories and listened to enough black creators that I can at least follow his story and comprehend its connotations. If I didn’t come into the show having some background knowledge, then perhaps I would be inspired to learn more based on the representation I’d been made aware of, especially because of the ways in which I could relate and was invited to empathize. I hope we see more successful productions like this, where the specificity and messiness of intersectional, marginalized identity is allowed to exist as it is, because odds are that more people will be willing to engage with it than you’d think.

Anyway, really good show. It’s super fucking funny, and poignant, and deeply sad and vulnerable. I hope anyone reading this gets a chance to see it in some form if they haven’t already.

Also MVP award to Tarra Conner Jones in the SF production, she was SO GOOD. Absolutely everyone was phenomenal - shout-out to John-Andrew Morrison too, his performance of “Periodically” makes me fucking cry. The SF and Broadway and Off-Broadway casts are all amazing. God I love this show.

Edit: OH SHIT I found a clip of the cast I saw! They really were fantastic.

[idkjustletmescroll]

I hate modern media.

Like don't get me wrong, there's plenty of good stuff out there, but for the most part it feels like so little heart goes into most books/movies/shows?

Like--the PJO show, don't get me wrong, it was good...but it was, at least to me, just kind of...fine? Nostalgia can only go so far.

Casting-wise, it was perfect, and it does seem like it was made by people who genuinely love and care about the source material, but who had to rush their story because they just didn't have the time. They had 8 episodes. Each of those episodes was like 35-45 minutes long, but not only is that pretty long for a single episode, if each of those episodes pretty much just covers one part of the story...that's still not a lot??

House of the Dragon? 10 episodes. No matter how long those 10 episodes are, they're trying to show us how a whole ass war got started in 10 FREAKING EPISODES. How Alicent and Rhaenyra's friendship broke down. Both of their relationships with their spouses and children. They still didn't fully explore Rhaenyra and Harwin's relationship. Does Rhaenyra have any more complicated feelings about her father for his role in the deterioration of her friendship with Alicent? Plus all the time skips...we don't have time to sit with these characters and their relationships and get to know them. Not like we did in GOT (at least the first like 4 seasons).

Not to mention waiting like 2 years between each season. Like, one of my favourite shows ever is Arcane because I like to suffer, and between season 1 and 2 there are 3 years (season 2 comes out November of this year). Watchers may not be happy to wait that long, but we expect good quality for that wait because Arcane is insanely good in all aspects--animation, character arcs, world building, nuance, commentary, music, action, etc., etc., etc. A lot of other shows, not just the two I've mentioned above, just don't feel as worth the wait. I still think they're enjoyable, and I think the writers do want to make good work, but that's hard to do with 8-10 episodes. And Arcane has only 9 episodes, and all of them are long, sure, but I feel like since there are so many moving parts and characters and subplots to the subplots, it can a) keep viewers engaged that long, and b) can easily fill up that much time well with clear priorities and a tightly woven story.

Avatar: The Last Airbender, a masterpiece show in my (and many other people's) opinion, had 20 episode seasons, each episode around 20-25 minutes. That's a reasonable amount of time to focus on one adventure or aspect of the adventure. Prioritize what to focus on, and it slays. But you can't keep giving writers 8 episodes, a shit ton of material, and then expect 100% quality every time.

[awritingcaitlin]

Author Ask Game

Okay tagged by both @elbritch-kit and @nanashi23 for this so I better get off my ass and do it 😂

I'll tag @golden-heretic, @elizmanderson, and @aziz-reads (you guys were in my notifs recently hehe) (no pressure)

1) What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

Leaning on TBW for this one...

That there is hope in the darkness. And that the "right" path is not always easy.

But I didn't exactly choose that lesson. Because when I and my cowriter started this... that's not what we were thinking about. We were thinking about putting our characters in situations.

2) What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

Okay so full disclosure that this started as a Pathfinder ttrpg campaign. Beyond that... media that ends up reflected in this includes: The Witcher, Sanderson's work, Warhammer 40k, Dragon Age, and a few other things that I cannot remember at this time lol. But sometimes I'll look at media and go "oh yeah, that was formative."

3) What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

Rinnie's trying to make the world a better place, which means stopping the Nidtrins. Nathaniel's trying to finish his damn mission. It's a lot more complicated than that.

I don't think I'm trying to achieve anything here? I want people to read this book and have a good time. Maybe see themselves in a cool character.

4. How many chapters is your story going to have?

Okay so currently it's at 45. We'll see if that changes.

5. Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

It's original content. If trad pub wants to take it, great! Otherwise, self-pub.

6. When and why did you start writing?

Okay so I've been telling stories as soon as I could string sentences together if my parents are to be believed. I'm that kid who just can't not write. (I say, as someone in their 30s.) I think I've always meant to be a storyteller?

7. Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

No, not really? Write what you want and what makes you happy. Also anyone I'm tagging is cool people.

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: Bloom by Helen Hardt

2/5. Releases 8/22/2023.

After a failed engagement, Frankie meets a mysterious man who wants her to call him the Phantom. At the Black Rose Underground Club, they have near-anonymous meetings, fulfilling her every fantasy. But as Frankie's feelings deepen, she wants to know the man behind the mask--but he may be more complicated than she expected.

Okay, so. I thought this was going to be a fun, ~modern~ spin on The Phantom of the Opera. Not exactly. It's more a standard contemporary BDSM romance with a bit of flair for the phandom. Unfortunately, it didn't work for me.

Quick Takes:

--This story feels quite rushed. And like, I didn't expect anything other than a fun, kinky romance, but just... the book feels very literally rushed off the last page, and it leaves the reader feeling dissatisfied.

--Frankie overhears that this man is called Phantom, like by other people, like in public, and she recognizes his mask as a Phantom of the Opera mask, and she acknowledges POTO is something that exists in this universe, and he implies this is nOT A COSTUME and perhaps something he wears all the time, who knows? And her response is "intriguing".

I just can't buy that. I can't. This is not an alternate universe. This is our world. There is no way an adult woman who has had enough life experience to get engaged at some point, would go "oh tell me more" about that situation without having some questions. Even in a kink setting, there would be questions, setting a scene, clarification. Even an extreme POTO fan would have at least internal questions, you know? Beyond "intriguing".

--I should add.... I'm not going to act like an expert in kink, and the portrayal of kink in romance doesn't have to be accurate. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't, I've enjoyed books in both contexts. Here, however, it felt surface level in a way I don't think it should have as it was (apparently) an integral part of the novel. It's not the side dish, it's the main course, and it didn't feel authentic here.

--In his first two POV chapters, Phantom quotes two different novels. One is POTO, which I expected. One is The Great Gatsby. There was no damn reason why this man needed to be quoting multiple novels that early in his own personal monologue.

--I think that in order for all of this to feel emotionally plausible, Frankie would've needed to be a massive Phantom Phan. Like, not casual. She has these little musings about floating to his lair or whatever, and I'll be honest, I'm not 100% sure I bought it. No, this woman needed to be like--sobbing about the show closing on Broadway, a Phantom-related account on every social media platform possible, downloads of multiple bootlegs on her hard drive, several of which she filmed herself, a contributor to a Phantom-related publication, Ramin Karimloo's autograph tattoed on her ass, card-carrying STAN. That is the woman who I can buy randomly hooking up with this man in what was not a pre-negotiated (for her) scene.

Like, she's just acting as if this is NORMAL, and again, while kink is in this book, this is not someone she met and formed a connection with outside of kink who's like "hey, I REALLY like to do POTO scenes with my partners, would you be the Christine to my Phantom?" This is just some guy she met at a bar who wears a half mask and talks about haunting an opera house, though I will add, he is not actually the Phantom of the Opera.

I'm super into camp, but I think that when you do not properly acknowledge certain things in a contemporary romance, you cross the line from camp to just distracting, and that's where I was. I couldn't get into the book because I was so distracted.

The Sex Stuff:

The sex is... fine even if I did have my issues with the feeling that the kink wasn't... lived in, somehow? I also have a problem with an adult woman who seems to have a reasonably public, non-sheltered life being shocked when a man uses the "c-word", as she put it (she also doesn't know what a strap-on is, among other things), but that's me. It's not especially kinky, and there was a dialogue moment that really took me out of it, but. It is what it is.

I wish I'd like this more, as I do enjoy POTO, but I just couldn't get into the story.

Thanks to Netgalley and Entangled: Amara for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[loonyoz]

Idk I guess I should make a pinned post? Sideblogs, links to my art posts, and info about me below the cut

@hezele is where I’m attempting to write fanfiction

I might make a sideblog for my art someday? Idk

My Art:

Right now I just have very random bg3 art

Wyllstarion Howl’s Moving Castle AU:

Wyll making a pact

Wyll and Astarion

Sketch of Wyll in demon bird form

Sketch of fem!Wyll

Strictly Ballroom Wyllstarion

Sketch of Branwyn, @/odessa-castle 's oc from their lovely fic Nothing Like the Sun. (highly recommend giving it a read!)

Used to have supernatural art and non fan art posted but got self conscious and deleted it lol.

Other notes and info about me:

I would list all my interests (like books, shows, etc.) but uhhh that list is way too long. Honestly I feel like I love most things/genres/media and am always looking for more art to engage with and appreciate.

I try to put alt text on all my posts that have images but I’m pretty sure I’m ass at it lol. Lmk if you have suggestions for me on how to make my posts more accessible or my alt text better and I will do my best to implement it.

This is the internet so I really don’t want to share much about myself, but I think it goes without saying I’m very neurodivergent and queer lol. I use way too many terms but genderfluid, transmasc, and nonbinary are the best descriptors for myself.

Branching off of that I want to say the internet is a difficult place to navigate, especially socially. I’m sure I make lots of mistakes on how to communicate best with people online, but I try my best to do so as respectfully and kindly as possible. The internet is a great way to get information and have discussions about important topics, but there are many pitfalls and problems that can occur that are too numerous and complicated to get into here (although I’m sure anyone whose been on the internet for all of 5 seconds is familiar with them).

I use tumblr mainly to discuss creative media and I also don’t feel I’m qualified or informed enough to speak on most serious/real world topics. So I try to avoid bringing up alot of real world issues on my blog because I worry I would only be detrimental to these causes. Of course, creative media is not off in its own bubble from the real world and so real life problems are bound to be part of the art or discussions.

I bring this up for two reasons. One, I don’t want people to see my lack of activism and feel uncomfortable, or that I don’t care. This is unavoidable but perhaps this alleviates some people’s worries. Two, I want people to know I’m open to constructive criticism and learning new things. If I post something that you think is misinformed or hurtful, and you’re willing to tell me, I want to know about it and what I can do to improve. And on lighter note, I love to analyze stories and art and provide my thoughts and opinions on it. My favorite thing is to have discussions/arguments about interpretations of stories and ideas. So as long you approach me in a respectful/kind way I would be overjoyed to chat.

Anyway if you read this far, thanks for slogging through the wall of text :). Tumblr is glitchy but Im pretty sure most of my followers are bots I need to block 🤷

[aizenat]

First of all, as a rule of thumb, if someone reblogs a post and says something in the tags and not on the post itself, that’s because the person ISNT looking to engage with OP. If this post got like 1000 reblogs with ppl disagreeing in the tags, would you do this to everyone? If so, it’s manic behavior and I’d recommend seeking help with managing that because it comes across as unhinged and is just generally unhealthy.

Meaning, if you had beef with me agreeing with the person I reblogged this from, then take that up with THEM, not me. I didn’t ask nor send for you.

Second, I’m not reading your ten page MLA formatted essay on a fucking show. The person I reblogged from succinctly explained our problem with your op. I’m not saying shit about you denying the racial dynamics but rather your weird take on gender. You’re on some shit I don’t agree with there plain and simple. And based on that, you don’t strike me as the person I would want to hear your takes on the racial dynamics between them either.

I don’t care about any of this! No one cares about any of this! This is why the person I reblogged this from said what they said! You’re trying to over complicate something and make an argument no one cares about. Like fuck keep your dissertations on your page and leave ppl passively engaging with your post alone.

Idk if you’re Black, but i sure as hell fucking am. Real Black, dark skinned, with two dark skinned Black parents and a Black ass family living my Black ass life. I was a part of media critique discussions for well over a decade, and was a mod on a site where we literally talked about shit like this long before it went mainstream and got annoying. I’ve actually read books and poems from Black revolutionists, lgbt ones at that, and was part of the communities having talks about gender and sexuality and expectations long before zoomers who got their political and social takes from Twitter in a post Trump world started jumping in with their uninformed hot takes.

This is how I know your OP is a bunch of bs and why I’m sure if I actually gave you the benefit of the doubt and click on your link to another post (as if it’s my responsibility to go through someone’s entire page before I reblog a critique of their post to make sure they didn’t address it on another post; if you’re that interested in “correcting me” or whatever then reiterate your point instead of adding links fucking lazy ass), whatever you said would be more rambling incoherent saying-nothing garbage.

A good lesson you obviously are still learning is picking and choosing your battles. You waste everyone’s time and energy (including yourself) when you engage with someone who doesn’t give a flying fuck what you have to say. Pick on someone who actually cared enough to leave a proper retort on your post, not someone who said something quick in the tags and then doesn’t interact with anything you post again. You can’t fight everyone and make everyone agree with you and not everyone WANTS to go back and forth as you attempt to convert them to your way of thinking. Learn when to agree to disagree and who is worth engaging with. You’ll be surprised how much freer you’ll feel once you let go of that obsessive need to be right all the time.

The whole framing of Lestat as the sole symbol of patriarchy that fandom is so desperate to put him in doesn't work unless you deliberately ignore how he was also a victim of rape and abuse before he was turned. People want him to be fit into this strict role of "father figure/violent husband/perpetrator" that is only that and not even a whole person, and in doing so they need to push aside the fact that despite being his family's provider, he was also pushed into that role when his father forbid him from joining a monastery or gaining an education that he wanted. Lestat wanted to run away with a theater group as a kid, and actually managed to do so once Gabrielle gave him her blessing and monetary support in order to go to Paris. He didn't always want to be the provider, he was forced into that role and became despondent when he thought he would never get a chance to leave his home.

His new life prior to being turned is pretty much the antithesis to the whole "Lestat is a manly man who would sooner throw up than be compared to a woman" spiel: he lived with another man in Paris while also being an actor, having left his family and "responsibility" to them. The only family member he was ever close to was his mother, all the other male members shunned or ridiculed him. Add onto that the fact that his turning firmly placed him within the role of the damsel/victim: he's kidnapped from his bed by a stranger, taken into a tower and left to rot while being fed on for a week, before then being raped and violently turned all while never even being asked if he would consent to it in any normal circumstance. But you of course have to ignore all of this if you want him to only represent the aggressor/patriarch while Louis is the helpless unhappy matriarch of the family.

My issue isn't that I think Louis isn't a victim, it's that it's not unrealistic for Lestat to be an aggressor/abuser while also displaying traits that aren't regularly assigned to stereotypical depictions of male characters. He's abusive to Claudia while also having been a victim of abuse from his own family. He's not a good maker/teacher, but he also didn't even have one when he was turned. He's the provider/attempted protector of the family and seemed to like being that, while also having run away from his own family prior to this to act in a theater in Paris. He's a rich white man while also being obviously effeminate in public spaces, even to Tom's own bigoted humor.

Like Louis' own complicated story with being his family's benefactor and provider, you can't firmly place Lestat as being one thing or another in terms of gender ideals without deliberately ignoring parts about him that don't fit this. And I don't think it's an absolute necessity, when even in Louis' own story, Lestat isn't stripped of his effeminate mannerisms or behavior while also being the abusive maker/father/lover.

[myrskytuuli]

I stumbled upon one of those characters react to their own books/movies/series fics again, and was lead on journey of contemplation about metanarratives so let me guide you to the same journey.

So, I’m genuinely fascinated with the concept, even if (as anyone who has ever bit the bullet and gonw to read these fics knows) they are almost all garbage. I think I can remember one or two fics in my history of fic reading that did anything interesting with the premise and the other was a fic that circulated as a torrentable pdf and nothing else, but I digress. Usually these stories start with the avatar author being some kind of meta-god and kidnapping the characters to show them their future and I always think what a huge shame it is that the most interesting part of the idea is never utilised, which is that the characters could find out about a parallel universe where their world is fictional and get to experience the media about them as...you know...media. In a way that they could complain about bad directors, why somebody gets the bad-ass theme song and others don’t, whether the bad cgi resembles the real thing at all or why the author decided to include this thing in the book but not something else. Just...the media they are interacting with being actual media that has been created in our world to tell the story of those characters, sometimes more or less succesfully.

But. Then I got hit with another thought that derailed me completely, and made me fell down a unhinged idea rabbit hole. If for example star wars characters found our parallel universe where they are fictional, what if this world was fictional in the star wars universe?

Just, you know. Everyone complaining how convoluted the WW1 prequel series was compared to the original WW2 series. Half of the runtime is spent on politics, almost all the action happens in one trench, and even the director doesn’t seem to understand why the war even started. Compared to the clear-cut heroes and villains of the WW2 series, it’s no wonder the original fans were frustrated. Even though the World War series has always been very anti-war and the original series wasn’t as simplistic as everyone makes it out to be, the allies were shown stooping to worse and worse war-crimes near the end, and that was the point, to show that there can be no good sides in war, Padmé rants angrily after seeing some dudebros miss the entire point of the series on message boards again.

Obi-Wan thinks the franchise has its moments, but on the whole relies way too much on the shock value of mass slaughter and sensless deaths. Ahsoka is always trying to rope people into reading the tie-in novel series the Cold War, which actually deviates from the open battlefield format and tries to engage with the loose plot threads and the implications that the original WW2 series and especially the divisive decision of pulling out deus ex nuclear weapons at the last minute left behind.

There’s a lot of back-and-forth about how uninclusive the series is, with only human characters, but it has also been pointed out that there is a valid metaphor being made about how irrational speciesim is, because even in a world that human-supremacists are always harping about, their utopia of a world with only humans existing, people would find other arbitary ways to be prejudiced against each other.

On the whole, there’s a shiton of complicated lore about how all these nations were formed and some of the ideas are really good and some really stupid, but what everybody agrees is that when the galaxy+ bought the franchise and started churning out soulless mini-series about the future of the World Wars universe, nobody was impressed. The Cold War novels at least tried to tell a story about grey morals and paranoia, the New Millenium sequels are just stupid. Suddenly people just want to be nazis? again? Every villain is simply the dumbest character you’ve ever met? Most of the conflicts rely on the leaders making the dumbest decisions possible? There’s plague and environmental catastrophies and new nazis? At the same time? What a cash-grab.

[alicedrawslesmis]

ok so I just saw a post that said 'how come there aren't a bunch of modern adaptations of les mis like other classics?' and I was thinking about this question a lot these days so I have my 2 cents here: I think it's just because of politics

there's a weird dissonance with the way this book is read in the english speaking world and the french speaking world, because nationalism in france is a bit of a hot topic and les mis is pretty tied to national identity and if you are going to properly engage with the legacy of Victor Hugo, poet, you're going to be wounding a lot of egos and touching on complicated messy feelings (the french reviews for the les mis 2000 adaptation are a big case study on this, where they're like 'finally we took back OUR story from the hands of those YANKEES' nevermind that les mis 2000 is like. It's les mis 2000)

they did have a Les Miserables set in contemporary times recently but I haven't seen it, and it seems to be only les mis in spirit and not actually an adaptation of the story (also the main character is a cop) (there's a lion in there? I didn't know that. Will the people in that block use the lion AGAINST THE POLICE???? Now I'm intrigued)

and in the english speaking world people who adapt the story tend to I guess completely miss the politics of it and just turn into 'evil gay cop chases robber around town' because that's the legacy of the 1935 adaptation and also because they're sort of allergic to having a story with an explicit acab message. People with money to make a les mis adaptation will more often than not be people who think the police exist to protect them (true, and also middle class people need to get off their-our- ass cause this is the fucking message here dammit why do people keep missing this????) (studios are so averse to making a story with an explicit political message cause they're afraid of controversy)

there's this distancing that happens when you're adapting a story from a long time ago where you can be like 'damn haha things were crazy back then... anyway, I'm glad all those problems are fixed now and I can cry about these characters then go home and live my life like nothing is changed' and period pieces tend to be escapist media in general, even the english version of the musical premiered in the middle of a political crisis but people who liked the musical didn't even mention that

and that's just the easiest way to adapt the story, and now we're in a media landscape where modern adaptations of old books tend not to get made, they just tend to be period pieces because it's more prestige this way.

(I still want someone to make a les mis set in the USA in the 70s like it's right there bro come ON)

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

honestly looking back at my undergrad degree…. i find it so strange how the philosophy faculty while i was at my home uni didn’t think that presentations were a good way to assess people. don’t get me wrong, i hated public speaking and i had anxiety attacks around presentations during uni. but like. it was so bizarre that the one subject who obsessively prides themselves on being able to communicate complicated esoteric ideas to the layman- ie keep the ideas of tableau rasa in philosophy of mind or epistemic injustice in epistemology “simple stupid”; just didn’t want students to present these ideas to an audience.

so the one main way to present the said esoteric ideas in a formal assessment with my home uni’s philosophy dept was either wholly essay based (eg my epistemology subject had two 50% essays only- once they scrapped philosophy exams or mid term in class written assessments/quizzes as a form of assessment) and maybe an unmarked essay plan worth 2% and class participation that was always around 5%. and yeah, again, i loved the fact that not having presentations meant i had a reason to avoid my readings in philosophy.

but still. i think being forced to communicate the esoteric ideas in a marked presented assessment would’ve probably made me engage with the readings more. bc otherwise it was just a vague “oh yeah i think i understood the first 2 pages of dennett’s view of the zombie problem” (this was a 50 page reading) or “the narratives in our lives that goldie posits shape us into human beings correlates with our sense of self and the way we interact with the world and media around us” (this was a whole ass book my dad bought me for a first year subject called media, art and censorship; but we used one like 100 page chapter) in the class go around of pretending that you’ve done the readings.

because you can spit all that bullshit out during tuts for days, weeks, months of a sem or YEARS of doing your degree, with either a major or a minor (like myself) in philosophy. but the minute that you have to do a presentation for say, like, your honours thesis or your phd or whatever else degree there is with philosophy (i’ve forgotten tbh)…. just how the fuck do you actually posit and present those incredibly complicated philosophical problems clearly to an audience???

for example, how do you easily explain the twin earth thought problem (which my tutor for philosophy of mind was doing his dissertation on i think)??? or intelligently and clearly speak on the importance of the structure of thought problems and their philosophical patterns of learning connections or whatever the fuck (alas philosophy of science and logic was not my friend but i think my tutor of that subject did his dissertation on that. props to him (and also his corgi’s that he’d always use in his class tut questions) honestly.) and communicate them simply to your professors and other marking people??? when they’ve never let you build presentation skills???

but once you force me to present this then…. fuck man. maybe i actually have to do the 50+ page readings. maybe i actually have to form my arguments properly, before tyler, one of the really annoying philsoc dudebros that i can’t stand, will shut his fucking know it all kissass mouth….. just so i don’t hit him over the head with a chair.

but the irony of it was that by the time i finished my degree, the philosophy dept of my home uni FINALLY introduced presentations as an assessment method…. after marking what i think would’ve been too many failed philosophy rote learning exams; where no one remembered the meanings of epistemology or phenomenology or whatever else. they also added some more interesting fields to include stuff like the philosophy of media, film and literature which was the main one with a presentation (and i’m pretty sure it was even a GROUP presentation…. when philosophy is always painted as a solitary subject/activity) . there was also philosophy of religion which i think had a presentation as well. and the philosophy of narratives, self and psychosis; which was a third year subject i never took bc it had a 6,000 word essay in it lmao.

but still. to go through an entire degree that’s all about clear communication, argument and reasoning skills etc etc etc, it’s weird to think that they just straight up avoided or outright ignored presentations for so long and just wholly relied on essays upon essays and exams as their main source of assessment marking (not counting class participation and any of the dumbass 2% essay plans).

if there’s any philosophy tutors or profs on here, please feel free tell me your views on including presentations on your syllabuses. maybe it’s too much marking. maybe they take up too much time in 1hr tut slots. maybe people don’t want to hear jenna or freddie, the class stoners, half baked 20 min presentation on who the fuck knows what else i did in my philosophy minor. maybe philosophy profs don’t want to inflict more stress on students who have like 3 other subjects that ALL have presentations as assessments, some of which may be group ones. but i think i would’ve benefitted from doing presentations during my philosophy minor, whether they were individual or group.

[docholligay]

Please rant/rave (well, we already know which one it will be here) about Harry Potter!

GEE I HOPE THIS WAS WORTH WAITING FOR

OH MY GOD. The level of hatred I have for Harry Fucking Goddamn Potter, the culture around Harry Fucking Potter, extending its poisonous tentacles even to the concept of young adult fiction, fantasy, and the United Kingdom as a country and people. 

When you being on this, you may think, “Oh, Doc will explain that Harry Potter sucks because JKR hates trans women” and I will say, oh no, dear reader, that is a fantastic reason to hate the author, and I really suggest we all continue to hate her, and perhaps not purchase the QUEEN’S TONNES of officially licensed merchandise and movies and theme parks that give her stupid little fucking hands all that cash, but no, that is not why I hate the work. There are a number of great works done by terrible people, and the further out the lens of history gets the truer this is. 

I hate Harry Potter because it fucking sucks, and mentally stifled an entire fucking generation. 

“Well, Doc, Harry Potter was really there for me when--” Oh my god I could not fucking care LESS about your personal emotion connection to “orphan wizard boy turns out to be a rich aristocrat yet somehow less woke than Cinderella though” I have personally emotional connections to hot fucking garbage pails of media properties, and if someone came barreling through talking about the myriad ways in which they were horrible, I would be like, “Oh, you aren’t fucking wrong, pal” 

Harry Potter gained wild ass popularity in part due to its magnificent sorting system of Smart, Brave, Evil, and Other, because there’s nothing liberals like more than being able to put everyone’s personality into an easily labeled box, which is why astrology is so popular, or for the intellectuals, Myers-Briggs, which is just as fake but with the veneer of science. This allowed people to give into the tribalism they so desperately liked to pretend they did not possess, and also allow them to write thinkpieces about “The misunderstood Hufflepuff” or “Slytherins aren’t all bad!” or really anything that allows them to write a very real piece about their very imagined oppression for being a part of a totally fake house in a children’s book. Excellent use of your sociology degree, Kai, I thought the addition of phrases like, ‘Content of socialization” and “axes of oppression” really spoke to the struggles you face when wearing a green and silver scarf. 

The other reason it became popular is that it’s essentially wallpaper paste formed into characters. I have read all of the books, and I could not tell you even remotely what Harry’s defining personality traits are other than “protagonist”. In American, at least, a large part of it was the fascination with all things British, with the idea of boarding school and prefects and uniforms that aren’t inexplicably chinos and polo shirts for nine year olds. It allowed children to project onto something so bland that it could be anything. And for children, THAT’S FINE. There is a great deal of bland media made for children, but what I’m speaking to is the fandom, which is largely well over the age of 18. 

Because if we look at the books, are they...actually good? Was it good, or did I experience it as a child? I mean, honestly, on a literary level, are they, or was it just like we all watched Friends, we did it because everyone else was doing it, because I have a distinct memory of a series that involves such greats as “magical geegaws with poorly defined rules that are quickly forgotten despite being able to solve later problems quickly” or “Everyone loves Harry or is a bad guy, or secretly loved Harry all along” 

Oh, speaking of, man, if this was an actual well-written book, wouldn’t it have been wild to have Snape’s whole thing be to teach us that sometimes people do good things for the wrong reasons? Instead of naming your fucking child after the guy who ‘protected you’ because he still wanted to bone your mom? “After all this time” “Always.” 

While all this could have been explained, we have Quidditch added into the mix instead because 20 pages of the goddamn Puppy Bowl is exactly what I was looking for while I was waiting for JK to move the goddamn ball on literally any of these actual magical concepts. 

Harry Potter is a fucking trust fund baby, star quarterback, who grows up to be a cop and marries his high school sweetheart. (Speaking of, why were we shocked that JKR turned out to be a piece of shit when this was and always has been the conclusion of Harry Potter? Why are liberals so fucking into this series that upholds structures like it ain’t no one’s business? It’s a series that opines that those beneath us “Muggles” should be kept in the dark from us) Literally, he finds out he is a wizard and has a dragon-guarded fucking VAULT OF CASH. At 11. It’s such a series for little tyrants, you are special from birth and need do nothing to prove it, here is a letter certifying as such. Oh, not only are you rich and the greatest seeker and have excellent quips, but also your parents were not only rebels, but the best of rebels, and so deeply involved that your parents were killed by the big bad personally, again, because you are so special. His mother’s love literally saves his ass over and over again, because he was SO SPECIAL. He fought Voldemort FROM THE BEGINNING, and WON.  It’s literally the most privilege baby fantasy in the world. 

“But Doooooooooooc, it’s for chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiildren” 

A) Yeah, and you’re 32, you’re making my fucking point about Harry Potter setting an entire generation up for intellectual failure to launch. 

B) Okay, and? I can think of a bunch of kids’ books off the top of my head that in no way require specialness to be given by birth so as to roll out the red carpet for master protagonist. The Hunger Games. Watership Down. A Series of Unfortunate Events. The Chronicles of FUCKING NARNIA, about which I have only a small handful of particularly kind things to say. I’ve never read Percy Jackson, but it’s my understanding that despite his being a literal demigod, the attitudes of the supporting cast are allowed to fall between the extremes of “Appreciates Percy” and “naughty or will learn” Harry does nothing to improve himself even after knowing that he is HUNTED BY THE BIG BAD! “I won’t do this because I don’t like Snape”. So There” which, again, if this series were written with the slightest bit of care or know-how, could be a humbling fucking plot point! BUT NO THAT WOULD BE NAUGHTY. 

But the real reason I hate Harry Potter so much has everything to do with the fandom surrounding it, and how it intellectually stunted a generation of adults. The promise of Harry Potter was that it was supposed to make a new generation of readers, and so the popularity of them was pushed, and so there was discussion of teaching them in schools, but I tell you fucking what, I know a whole lot more folks who grew up reading Harry Potter that never advanced beyond reading YA, or even just rereading the entire series every year and that’s pretty much them done and dusted. 

In the attempt to recapture whatever it was about Harry Potter that attracted children (A lot of it was your peers doing it. I read them all as they came out, and it was literally the equivalent of watching the game so you could talk at the water cooler. That was never going to be recaptured) people, who by this time were likely in their teens, kept getting recommended stuff at the same and same level. No one ever felt pushed to read things that are challenging, to read things that have some of the concepts or themes of Harry Potter but maybe complicate. I know FAR more adults who read adult books that aren’t into Harry Potter, even if they were as children, than the reverse. 

But Doc, why is reading only books meant for 14 year olds a problem??? I mean I suppose I can’t convince you that comfort is not the job of literature or of life, it is the job of an easy chair, because Americans especially are decadent as fuck about being comfy cozy all the time and if anything causes them distress or pain it should be immediately avoided. But Maybe I can convince you that you’re fucking up these books for actual ass children who deserve to have their own writing section without adults bringing their fucking asses into it. They deserve their own spaces. There’s a number of YA editors who have talked about the difficult space YA now occupies because since Potter’s blowup, it’s no longer a niche category, but basically “adult easy reads” and so they have been buying books that are more about the tastes of adult buyers than of literal 14 year olds. 

Is that not...sad? To anyone else? Honestly, and this is not part of the essay because it’s a broader reaching problem, but CHILDREN’S MEDIA IS NOT FOR US. CHILDREN’S MEDIA IS NOT FOR US. CHILDREN’S MEDIA IS FOR FUCKING CHILDREN. The fucking 40-23 set really needs to get their shit together and grow up a little bit and engage in some fucking adult media, and maybe, if we support what we’re actually looking for FOR ADULTS, it will come to us. No one is saying you can’t read Harry Potter or watch some Cartoon Network show, but like, search your heart and come the fuck on. Engage in something more complex. If not for yourselves, for the kids getting shoved into simplified adult stories. It should not be about us. 

ANYWAY, my larger point is that it was Harry Potter, a badly written series about a magical boy who was chosen and magic and also rich and also a favorite of the headmaster and also more clever than most adults and also spoke the same magical snake language as the big bad and was also star quarterback, but at least there was a system in which you could buy a scarf in block colors and feel like you belonged to a team. 

(But not a sports team! lol handegg! I’m cool I don’t get into sports! Except Quidditch.) 

[nitewrighter]

This was a thing I started writing when I got that “What are your thoughts on Overwatch 2″ ask.

So to preface this, I have a lot of complicated feelings about like... "Overwatch... Now With Plot!" because when Overwatch first came out, I was really into the concept of the game itself being just a fun goofy PvP clusterfuck and the actual plot of the world being in outside media and players/fans could more or less choose how much they wanted to engage with the plot and characters. My lore-hungry ass was eating up every new comic, short story, novel, and cinematic, of course. I grew up with Jonny Quest, this kind of optimistic futuristic globetrotting world was very much in my wheelhouse, but I liked the idea that like... you could have different layers of engagement based on your own ideas about the characters--your favorite character could be the main character as far as you were concerned. And fans could basically flesh out the Overwatch universe from other fans’ combinations of cultural experiences and narrative satisfaction. Between canon and fan-made content, it could be the ultimate “Choose your own adventure” story. Or if you were a hardcore gamer, you could not give a shit and just game.

...Then the comics stopped coming, and plot-relevant content for the game slowed to a trickle. I stuck with it though, because by this point my interest was pretty much self-perpetuating with the new followers I was getting and all the fic prompts I was answering. It was fun. It was like paint-by-numbers. A solid chunk of players were trickling over to Apex and (barf) Fortnite but the battle royale and art style didn't appeal to me as much. Then the Blitzchung incident happened and Blizzard righteously hemorrhaged players. New characters were brought into the game that raised more questions than they answered. DPS's were added to a roster that's already choked with them. More players were leaving. So now Blizzard, in the midst of a PR nightmare of massive layoffs and supporting police brutality in Hong Kong, in a desperate bid, put out the preview for Overwatch 2 in 2019. And then there's months with pretty much no followup. Any hype that Blizzcon may have generated quickly withered on the vine as the pandemic severely impacted how Blizzard could work. And here I was. With a story and characters I cared so much about, and I was stuck holding 500K+ words of fanfic while I’m watching Blizzard shuffle game directors, and preview the same damn maps they previewed a couple months ago at Blizzcon for a game they can’t give us the release date for.

At this point, as a writer, and as someone who really cares about these characters, these narratives, and my own followers and what these narratives mean to both me and them, I’m willing to keep writing this stuff because I care about the story that much on its own.

As far as what Blizzard might put out though? I’m not getting my hopes up.